#also sorry i answered this a few days late ive been visiting family for the holiday đŸ€™đŸ»đŸ€™đŸ»
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qprstobin · 1 year ago
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there are people writing steddie fic who have never even seen the show. or who've only seen season 1. no wonder it's all bad if they're getting their charecteristics from fucking tiktok and tumblr. i just dont get it. how can you write for a fandom you havent even seen the source material for?? why are you invested in these guys??
Yeah it surprises me too. Like okay, I'll admit I read fic before sitting down and watching the whole show, and I've written fic for fandoms where I haven't consumed all the material (impossible to in star wars fandom there's too much) but it's SOOOO wild to me that people who will admit they've never watched more than a single episode will get angry when people call out characterization issues.... Like idk people can write any fic they want I guess, but the moment people who haven't seen the show start getting into meta and characterization arguments I'm like okay we've lost the plot y'all need to at least watch some unedited clips before arguing about shit that happens in episodes you haven't even watched 😭
I'm also just baffled by it in part because yeah I do think so much of the fandom not watching even some of the show is why characterization is so wonky in the fandom, but also like the canon characterizations are just a lot better than most of the major fanon imo? Idk I find a lot of major fanon stuff to be kind of boring, and also almost never really includes characters I really care about (like Lucas and Max) except as props for the big teen ships. So it is surprising that people are this invested in the kinda lame fanon versions of characters but don't want to watch the show at all?
In the end people can do what they want but I will forever be confused by it lol
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peachycuriousities · 1 year ago
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November 30, 2023
PAPA JESUS, MAMA MARY, TO ALL THE SAINTS AND ANGELS,
THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING, THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD AND THE ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME THIS MORNING, TO BE WITH MY KIDS, TO ABLE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE TO IT’S FULLEST
 THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME EXPERIENCE TO BE A WIFE AND A MOM
 THANK YOU FOR GIVING MY KIDS EVEN THOUGH THEIR LITTLE RASCALS AT TIMES, I WOULDN’T TRADE THAT IN THE WORLD FOR ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY
 THANK YOU FOR GUIDING ME AS ALWAYS, FOR ALWAYS LISTENING TO ME SPIRITUALLY EVEN THOUGH IT’S BEEN AWHILE THAT I HAVEN’T BEEN DOING ROSARY PRAYERS OR VISITING THE CHURCH, OR BEEN DOING PART OF MY JOB TO LOWER MY BLOOD PRESSURE LATELY
 I KNOW I’VE BEEN SLACKING OFF FOR A FEW DAYS NOW, HAVEN’T BEEN EXERCISING OR BEEN WATCHING WHAT I REALLY EAT OR DRINK, JUST BEEN EATING AND DRINKING CAFFEINE AND LOTS OF SUGAR
 I HAVEN’T BEEN DRINKING MY ORGANIC DIY RAW BEETS JUICE AND FRESHLY MADE ORGANIC DIY POMEGRANATE JUICE LATELY
 I AM SORRY
 WITH ALL HONESTY I JUST TO ENJOY THIS LAST PREGNANCY JOURNEY OF MINE SINCE I KNOW IN MY HEART & SOUL, THIS IS GOING TO BE MY LAST TIME BEING PREGNANT, I WILL BE GETTING MY TUBES CUT WHICH SAME FOR MY HUSBAND TO GET VASECTOMY AFTER I GIVE BIRTH
 I JUST TO REPLACE THIS PREGNANCY WITH LOTS OF STRESS FREE, FULL OF HAPPINESS AND SMILES, LOVE AND CALMNESS SINCE 2017 & 2022 WAS A TRAUMATIC BIRTH/PREGNANCY DUE TO ME BEING DIAGNOSED WITH PREECLAMPSIA TWICE THAT RESULTED ME TO BE MONITOR & GIVEN MAGNESIUM & BLOOD TRANSFUSION THROUGH MY IV AFTER AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION
. I ALSO HAD TO STAY IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 9 DAYS TO TREAT MY PREECLAMPSIA AND ABOUT 2 PLUS DAYS ON YEAR 2022
 I AM TIRED WITH ALL THE MEDS GOING THROUGH MY BODY
 I JUST WANT TO HEAL NATURALLY AND RECOVER FAST WITHOUT PRESSURE

I AM PRAYING, WISHING AND HOPING THAT I WILL ONLY STAY IN THE HOSPITAL FOR 2 DAYS OR 4 DAYS MAX, NO COMPLICATIONS FOR MY BABY AND I, I AM ALSO WISHING THAT EVERYTHING WILL GO AS I PLAN, NO MAGNESIUM OR BLOOD CLOTS/BLOOD TRANSFUSION WHEN I GIVE BIRTH, NO PREECLAMPSIA FOR THE 3RD TIME
 I PRAY THAT THE HEALTHCARE WORKERS THAT I HAVE TO RELY MY HEALTH WILL BE UNDERSTANDING AND CARING, WILL LET ME GO AFTER 48 HOURS
 I WANT MY BODY TO HEAL NATURALLY, I COULD RECOVER MUCH FASTER WHEN I AM HOME WITH MY LOVE ONES, MY ANXIETIES DOESN’T GET THE WORSE OF ME, I AM MORE AT EASE WHEN I AM HOME WHICH IS MY SAFE HAVEN, I COULD BE WITH MY SUPPORT SYSTEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
 I PRAY THAT MY PRAYERS WILL BE ANSWER, I KNOW FOR THE PAST FEW MONTHS I’VE BEEN ASKING FOR ALOT OF STUFF AND YOU ALL WOULD GRANT ME WHAT I WOULD ASK FOR; I AM SUPER THANKFUL FOR EVERTHING BUT THIS ONE MEANS ALOT TO ME
 THE GIFT OF LIFE AND JUST BEING HOME WITH MY KIDS AFTER 48 HOURS WOULD BE THE BEST CHRISTMAS GIFT I COULD RECEIVED
I PRAY FOR MY UPCOMING PRENATAL APPOINTMENT THIS COMING MONDAY AND MY OTHER REMAINING PRENATAL APPOINTMENTS WOULD GO SMOOTHLY, NO ISSUE WITH MY BLOOD PRESSURE THAT WILL RESULT ME TO AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION

PLEASE CONTINUE TO WATCH OVER MY FAMILY ESPECIALLY MY KIDS, THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME
 I AM PUTTING ALL MY TRUST ON ALL OF YOU, I KNOW YOU ALL KNOW WHAT IS THE BEST FOR ME
 PLEASE GIVE ME A GOOD SIGN THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY
 AN ASSURANCE THAT I WILL BE OKAY ESPECIALLY MY BABY

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aminiatureworld · 4 years ago
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In My Dreams IV
Characters: Xiao, fm!reader
Word Count: 3,167
Warnings: Brief depiction of violence, nightmares
Premise: The past is many things. Something to admire, something to learn from, something to hold dear. And yet how unreliable it can be, especially in the hands of ghosts.
In which the reader dreams of the past.
Author’s Note: Translation notes and historical references will come after the fic. This one was a little sketchy/ooc, prolly because I’m tired.
Xiao
If there was one thing that you appreciated most about your relationship with Xiao it was the fact that he never attempted to cage your independence.
Though the adeptus had a penchant for clinginess – something he’d never actually admit to – the circumstances of both his and your past had set a standard for a level of separation that you greatly appreciated. You were never pressured to tell Xiao about things you weren’t comfortable sharing and in return you never pressed your partner in regards to topics or events that made him somewhat uncomfortable.
And yet there was something very isolating about such a freedom.
It was an ordinary enough commission, laughably so in fact, the kind that you could knock back in ten minutes flat if you put a little effort into it. Treasure Hoarders were once more encroaching on Liyue, this time gathering at the vicinity of Dunyu Ruins, something that would surely be a hazard to the archaeologists who gathered to study the lost jade monument. The act of chasing out the Treasure Hoarders was indeed easy enough, and it was only until you started rifling through their loot that you found yourself uneasy.
The lid was an innocuous enough item. Though the box that it once covered was nowhere to be found it must’ve been a work of art, as the smooth tortoiseshell lid was clearly the result of patience and love. Painted a deep blue it depicted a snowy scene, with a castle or cathedral at the front and center. The building itself was of a unique design; a tall turret stuck out at the top while small onion domes sat a little lower, each painted a more outlandish color than the last. The architecture was completely unlike what one might see in either Liyue or Mondstadt, and really there should’ve been nothing to it except the odd design of the building. Yet the moment you set your eyes upon the building you felt something harden in the pit of your stomach.
You never thought about what you couldn’t remember; after all, what was the point of it? Why mourn something you weren’t even sure was good or bad? Yet in that moment you felt that you would give very little to not remember just a little bit. At least enough to know why the image of a cathedral in the snow made you wish deeply for something you couldn’t remember, and frightened you just as much.
“Something’s wrong with you face.”
“Xiao!” You sputtered, surprised by the sudden bluntness of your partner. “My face is just fine, a little dirt won’t kill me.”
“That’s not it.” Xiao scowled. “Your face is harder than usual. Did something happen?”
“Nothing happened! Sometimes I just don’t smile, okay?” You instinctively moved the corners of your mouth upwards, trying to ignore the sudden jump in your heart rate. “I’m fine.”
Xiao looked supremely unimpressed at your efforts, sighing and flying up to the balcony of the Inn. You sighed, letting your expression once more droop. It was easy sometimes to forget how in tune Xiao was. You wouldn’t expect it from an adeptus who had spent thousands of years mostly secluded from humans, but your partner was impressively good at reading your mood. Usually you didn’t mind the ability of his, even welcoming the fact that he so bluntly brought up the question of your feelings. But today you wished despite yourself that he was a little less aware. After all, how could you explain to your partner what you didn’t even understand yourself?
The rest of the night was oddly tense. Though Xiao said nothing you could tell from the way he stared intently at your face that he hadn’t given up his suspicions. For your part you tried to ignore his gaze, talking about trivial matters such as the question of replacing the Guild roof and the fact that you had managed to gather a few Qingxin during your commissions. All the while you felt the roiling of your heart; and all the while you kept rubbing your fingers along the smooth finish of the lid in your pocket as if in doing so you might suddenly be struck with what you currently missed and currently, desperately, needed.
The next day you walked up to Katherine utterly exhausted. Though you’d made a concerted effort to sleep, knowing that if not you’d just arouse more worry in Xiao, most of the night had been spent tossing and turning, your eyelids feeling paper thin as you attempted to drag yourself down into the depths of sleep. Of course now that the sun was shining you felt like even a stone bench would be a soft enough mattress. Blinking heavily you smiled awkwardly at Katheryne.
“Any commissions today?”
“Two ordinary sweeps and one request.” Katheryne tilted her head slightly. “Are you sure you don’t need rest?”
“I’m perfectly fine Katheryne, thank you for worrying. You said there was a request?”
“Yes. It seems that the citizen who noticed the Treasure Hoarders for us claims to have been robbed by them. He says to meet you at Dunyu Ruins so you can hand over the item.”
“And what item is that?”
“He said it was some sort of box lid. He didn’t give many details I’m sorry. If you’re uncomfortable though of course we could send someone with you.”
“I’ll be fine, thanks for worrying.”
“Of course! Good luck!”
“Thanks.”
You turned around, trying to stem the ice that flooded your veins. Who was this man to whom the cathedral belonged? How did he come across such an odd item, was he from one of the other nations of Teyvat you hadn’t visited? Most of all you wondered if he held some connection to your past. The idea thrilled you in some way, though dread also lingered. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted to meet this mysterious person. Commissions were commissions however; you wouldn’t betray the Guild. No matter how much you wanted to; you couldn’t.
The Dunyu Ruins were still, no monsters seemed to linger at the gates and no other adventurers peeked out from behind old walls. The air was utterly still, something which worried you greatly. Walking at an increased rate you sought out your mysterious commissioner. The more you thought about it the more you wished the whole thing to be over as soon as possible. Turning the corner you stopped in your tracks, gazing in awe at the person a few meters in front of you.
The first thing you thought was how oddly he was dressed. The second thing was that he was much younger than you had expected. The third thing was that you felt an odd sense of familiarity from him.
“Ah yes, the adventurer who accepted my commission. Have you brought what I asked of you?”
Though a response was certainly in order you found the words stuck in your mouth. Staring at him you felt the ground shift between your feet slightly. He was familiar, this young man in front of you, and yet he was also a perfect stranger. He seemed more like an apparition than anything, a spirit who had yet to cross to the far side. You stepped closer, reaching out your arm slightly. If you went to touch his shoulder, would your fingers go right through him?
“You really must think it’s odd that I’ve returned.” The man chuckled. “I assure you I’m completely real. You weren’t the only one to survive sister, though I know that information might be too little too late?”
“Sister?” You snapped out of your trance. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Surely you aren’t pretending not to recognize me? I think that’s beneath even you. Come now, was I such a brat as that?” Reaching out the young man went to grab your hand. Instinctively you pulled away, feeling discomfort shoot through you.
“I don’t know what you mean? And you certainly aren’t my brother! I’ve never had a brother!”
“Then who was the kid you lived with your whole life before the incident?”
“I
 I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know about any incident or any brother. You asked me here to return something so I’m returning it.” Reaching for the lid you thrust the little work of art in front of you. “Here. Take it.”
“So you really don’t know who I am?” The young man reached out to take the lid. “How is that possible? Have they gone so far as to erase me from your memories? Have I been taken out of your family?”
“They?”
“The gods.” The young man’s eyes seemed incredibly harsh all of a sudden. “Their presumptiveness holds no bounds.”
“Don’t speak of the archons that way.”
“Answer me this,” the young man ignored your protest, “where are you from.”
“Why should I tell you that?”
“Humor me.”
“I
” You stood there for a moment, wondering whether or not you should tell this strange figure the truth. Morbid curiosity floated in your mind, and you took a sharp breath. “I don’t know. I don’t remember.”
“So I really have been erased from your mind.”
“Nothing’s been erased! I just don’t remember, should that surprise you so much?”
“Yes, it does. I see my plans will have to be changed.” The young man took a deep breath. “Very well then, we shall see what we shall see. I have an offer for you.”
“And what is that?” You felt suspicion wash over you.
“Join the Abyss.”
“Over my dead body!” Instinctively stepping away you drew your polearm. So that’s what this was about.
“I figured you might say that. However, let me tell you this. Our family was torn apart by the cruel whims of faraway gods. Teyvat suffered the same fate, still suffers it. You may not remember what happened to us, but I know it is buried in you somewhere. If you wish to avenge our family, then you’ll join us.”
“I have no petty thoughts of revenge against the gods.”
“That may very well change.” The young man smirked. “I’ll be back in a week. I expect your answers then.”
He was gone before you could say anything, carried away by a blanket of purple stars. You stared at the empty ruins, confused and empty, feeling far worse than you had felt when you arrived here.
“You look worse.”
“Thanks Xiao.” You let out a sigh, unsure how to respond.
You’d spent the rest of the walk back to the Wangshu Inn in agony, thoughts darting back and forth as you tried to reason with yourself about the veracity of the young man’s claims. There was no proof he was who he said he was after all, no proof that he wasn’t simply insane, or trying to convince you to join him by lying. Yet there was something about him, his demeanor, his anger, something that spoke to a truth about him. Not that the idea made you any happier. After all truth or not, he was still an Abyss member, or at least an advocate. You could never side with him, even if he was your long lost family. And yet what if he was your family? What then? Would it truly be a betrayal then to simply send him packing?
Xiao’s hand enveloped your own, the soft warmth drawing you out of your confused thoughts. Looking up you found him leaning into you, the tips of his hair lightly brushing your cheeks. His eyes bored into you ask he scanned your face. You stood perfectly still. You knew what Xiao was doing, knew that he was trying to figure out the depths of your discomfort. It was valiant of him, even if you hoped that he turned up empty handed. How could you tell Xiao, an adeptus who served directly under Rex Lapis, about the man who blasphemed the gods.
“You should sleep.” Xiao finally pulled away.
“It’s still early evening.”
“You didn’t sleep well last night, I could tell. You should sleep now; maybe you’ll feel better.”
“Maybe.” You replied, knowing that even if you slept better than you had ever before nothing would change when you woke up.
Still your eyelids were heavy and your feet aching. Sleep beckoned you with open arms, and you were quick to fall into its depths. Pressing a soft kiss on Xiao’s cheek you made your way up the stairs. Collapsing onto your bed you let out a sigh of relief. Sleep was coming on fast, and you quickly found the outside world swirling away. The last thing you were aware of was a dent in your mattress, and a set of familiar eyes staring down at you, filled with affection and worry.
It was dreadfully hot. That was the first thing you were aware of. The second was how loud everything was. There was a terrible sound swirling around you, inhuman shrieks seemed to rise up from the ground beneath you, accompanied with a banging that cracked through the air, echoing oddly in a night that was all too quiet. The third thing was that you had no idea where you were. Looking around you found yourself reeling at the scene that met your eyes. The house in front of you must’ve been nice at some point, but now had fallen into ruin and disrepair. Smoke was drifting up from a door that led into the ground, and bottles lay in pieces on the ground. A wall seemed to separate the house from the outside world, so tall that you had no idea what lay beyond it. Trembling slightly you felt yourself move towards the source of the noise, feet moving despite the rising dread that you felt. Making your way down a set of stairs a few lines came to you all of a sudden.
A ceiling of amber, a pavement of pearl
The smoke was thicker now, filling your lungs, leaving you short of breath. Little bits of orange blurred your vision, wielded by strange men in strange uniforms. They seemed distorted in the smoke, made into ghosts that might haunt a child’s nightmares.
Through the narrow paved streets, where all was still
You didn’t move your head towards the back of the room, somehow you couldn’t. Your very soul fought against it. Instead you closed your eyes, overwhelmed with how hot it was.
“You’ve come so far and you can’t even look?”
The voice was mocking, familiar, full of scorn. Opening your eyes you stared at the men in front of you, the men with fire at the tips of their hands. Why did he want you to look? You knew what you’d see. Somehow you knew.
We climb’d on the graves, on the stone worn with rains
You couldn’t make it out among the smoke. All you knew was that it was red.
You screwed your eyes shut, even as sudden clarity danced before you. Someone was calling your name.
There was a hand on your shoulder.
And alone dwell forever
The smoke cleared, and with it the dream.
The scream ripped through your throat before you could even process it. You knew that you should stop, knew that you were no longer dreaming, knew that the hand on your shoulder belonged to your terrified partner. Still you screamed. You screamed and screamed and screamed.
“Hey. Hey!” Xiao’s voice was frantic. Shifting your gaze towards him you felt yourself begin to tremble.
“It, it was true. It was true, I saw him. I saw him. I saw me. It was true. I, I, they’re dead. They’re dead.”
“It was a dream. No one’s dead.”
“But Xiao, they’re dead. He was right, they’re gone and dead and somehow I forget them.”
The loneliness slammed into you, mixing with the horror that sent your stomach churning. You dug you nails into your palm, desperately trying to stop shaking. Everything seemed distorted, the light emerging through the window just as menacing as the dark.
“Take my hand.”
Xiao pulled one of your hands on his lap, gently opening it and running his fingers over the marks that now rested in your palms. Unfurling your hand you it was flat against his he covered it with his own. Letting his palm rest gently against yours he looked up at you.
“No one is dead. You were having a nightmare.”
“I was remembering, Xiao. I finally remembered something. And now I wish I never had.” You unfurled your other hand, wiping furiously at the tears that pooled in your eyes. “I’m so alone Xiao, I’m so alone.”
“You aren’t alone.”
“My family, my family is gone. The only one left is an Abyss member. I, I’m so utterly alone.”
You felt Xiao drop your hand slightly. The sudden lost connection made your founder for a moment, but soon the feeling was lost as Xiao wrapped his arms around you. Pressing kisses to your forehead his grip was tight and strong, encasing you utterly in soft comfort. Letting yourself collapse slightly you leaned into his embrace.
“You’ll never be alone. I’ll always be here.”
If promises were conveyed in actions then you had no reason to doubt Xiao’s. Though the air around you was sticky with heat you found yourself pressing into your partner’s chest eyes more, soaking up every bit of connection that you could get. Xiao said nothing more, simply keeping you in his embrace, lips brushing against your cheeks as he kissed away your tears.
You knew that he wouldn’t ask about your brother that night, perhaps not even the morning afterwards, or even tomorrow evening. After all your partner wasn’t one for words, and your relationship wasn’t built upon the expectation of painful transparency. If you weren’t ready to talk he wouldn’t push you.
Eventually your tears slowed, though the pain in your chest still burned like a brand. Bringing your hands to your chest you gazed up at the adeptus who was still wrapped around you.
“Can we stay this way a little longer?”
Xiao’s eyes gleamed catlike in the moonlight. Leaning down he brushed his lips against yours, sighing slightly as you met him with exhausted ardor. Pulling back you rested your head on your partner’s chest. The dulled beat seemed almost musical, a reminder that Xiao was alive, a reminder that he was right next to you.
You had assumed in some way that it meant he didn’t care, or didn’t want to know. Though you would’ve never thought that before, the feeling of loneliness that had threatened to swallow you up had made that perfectly clear. Yet Xiao did care, cared enough not to prod and poke at wounds that were surely bleeding even now. Cared enough to kiss your worries away, cared enough to let you embrace him as long as you needed. Cared enough to show that you weren’t truly alone. 
In a week you’d give the young man who had once been your brother an answer. In a week you’d face the fact of your loneliness, of a family that you’d once been a part of. In a week you would let yourself be truly lonely. But until then you would listen to the familiar beat of Xiao’s heart as you remembered that you weren’t truly alone. That you never would be.
-------
The box lid itself was based off nothing in particular. The building painted on it is a reference to Saint Basil’s Cathedral. 
The poem I used was “The Forsaken Merman” by Matthew Arnold
The scene in the reader’s dream is a reference to the execution of the last Imperial family of Russia. It took place in the basement of the Ipatiev House in Ekaterinburg on July 17th/18th 1918. 
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artreider · 3 years ago
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Let's try to get this final live blog on my station 19 rewatch done. I'm currently laid up on my couch in mild pain but unable to do anything else.
I don't really like flashback episodes but i want one for the premiere since we are jumping so far ahead. I hate that this episode starts with a fight. But damn knowing what the fight is over, i love how loyal andy is to maya in this episode. Something ive wanted for her and the team. Qnd also jaina looks gorgeous.
The fire scene yay another fire on the fire show lmao. Feel like we missed some last year which im sure was covid related.
The marina scene ugh chefs kiss. I love how happy and giddy they are. I do wish we couldve gotten to see some of their month apart communication and their quarantining apart those two weeks when carina got back. I wrote a little something related to that and i may share before the premiere of season 5.
The quiet moment between carina saying her morning was better than those 6 weeks and then asking about mayas folks was a beautiful and real moment and i love it. So brief it could be overlooked but great choice for team.
The little bit of danielle and stefania that was them and adlibbed in this episode was so great also.
I love that rhey addressed how everyone was able to attend maskless and how safe the wedding was keeping the real world element in. Also vic love you and your chicken dance comment makes me sad that we didnt get it.
Vics parents trying to talk to her about theo is so cute.
Poor lawyer she'd be good for dean.
I understand some people dont come out until late in life but that is hard to hear that you havent loved the person youve been with for decades like you do this new person. That would hurt me so much to hear, like i couldve been with someone who is my great love if youd told me sooner. I love/hate this storyline for travis family.
Ugh if this fire had gone on any longer those poor kids and elderly couple.
Haha andy you should wait until someone answers the door for you when visiting almost newlyweds or people who've been seperated for 6 weeks lmao.
Also maya's excuse and none wet (shower) sex hair i love it.
Ugh sullivan trying to defend himself makes me so upset.
Bailey giving ben hell about second and third opinions is funny, like i figure shed be all for it.
Inara and marcus leaving jack is sad. I hope we still get to see marsha in season 5. Also if they do pair jack and jo itd be a bit ironic. I mean jo too had an abusive ex like inara.
Also jack and his marsha have similar eyes, itd be something if it came out she really was his mom.
I dont understand how maya hadnt settled on what to wear she's queen of the clipboard lmao. Just goes to show how some things throw us off course. Also i totally get her saying her outfit choice will define her forever. I judge my look in my wedding photos all the time and feel like other people do as well.
Why do i feel like this exchange between maya and carina was mostly adlibbed? It just feels so fun.
This poor family and ugh i couldnt imagine having to make the tough calls of firefighters/fire captains.
Love that all the fire crew helped put the wedding on.
I understand travis emotion here.
How'd this conversation about maya's folks get started with andy???
I love that maya and andy's friendship is restored. Also famous last words maya, dont speak the bad juju into existence.
Dean you shouldve spoken up there.
Why the chief there? I live in a city and the chief aint showing up for a house call that needs a few units. At least not until fire is out of they for some reason cant get it out.
Lmao maya freaking out about wearing the same thing as carina. Andy therapizing maya is funny.
That poor boy.
The dad comments to ben are beautiful. Also love that so many of the team know how dean feels about vic.
So why is travis getting dressed separately than the rest of his team. I mean i know its because he doesnt know about Dean's feelings and pushes vic to give theo a chance as well as allow theo and travis to talk but come on. He wouldnt get ready separately.
Also what was the point of theo going to that room if not to get ready. Sorry just annoying.
I wish carina had had someone mention andrew to her. Whether ben, bailey, maya or even any of the fire team who worked on the call with him during the crossover awhile back. Her grief during this day of happiness should've been acknowledged, even with just a remembrance table for him amd other family she lost to covid.
I do love this beautiful moment with vic though saying this isnt all just for maya.
Oh my how i love the maya confronting her father. She is the brave i want to be. Also what she says to her mom, yes chefs kiss. However when her mom shows up at the wedding, really the woman couldnt grab a nice shirt or dress to wear on her way out or on her way to the wedding.
I also love the look of pride on maya's moms face both at the house and the wedding.
Im sad we probably wont get any moments of her living with marina due to the time jump.
Ugh the choice that cost maya her promotion but ahouldnt have.
Also with all maya's options for clothes, couldnt they had dressed her mama in something borrowed from maya. Lol im sorry it bothers me so.
Vic's song for the intro is beautiful. Barrett has a beautiful voice.
Maya is so happy her mom is there and i love it. Also in my head at least one person videoing is doing it for the greys family who couldnt make it to the wedding for carina.
I also love maya singing along with vic to carina.
Queen of the clipboard forgetting to write her vows is special and funny. I love carina talking her down from a panic attack. Also her simple vow is beautiful and how carina who probably did write her vows saying we're good instead of reading them after seeing maya's mom in attendance and the look shared is everything.
I truly believe that was the moment she 100% knew maya had changed from end of season 3, was definitely all the way in. She knew what it meant for maya's mom to be there.
Love the dance montage and improved marina kiss.
Another healing theo and travis talk.
Sullivan just cant let it go and ugh trying to justify it. I just cant, still not over it. Even if he isnt captain in season 5 it still isnt right.
Sullivan you cant say you have the teams back then saying you can control them and throwing maya under the bus. Those are contradictory.
This jack and andy conversation is interesting.
This marina conversation is funny but sad when you know the end of the episode.
Its so funny that so few people know about Miller's feelings at this point.
It'll be interesting to see the travis, vic and theo in season 5.
Ben and bailey are so cute.
Wish we couldve had conversations at the wedding with maya and her mom or carina and maya's mom or the 3 of them.
Inara is so wise. I hate this for all 4 of them.
Gotta love the ole grab em and pull em back to kiss them and let them know how you really feel tremmett moment.
Too late dean, they tried to tell you.
I love marina dancing in the background ugh sullivan and the surrera rehashing.
Time for the horrible news ugh.
Everyone just looking at marina and knowing is horrible.
Great season, great episode and im looking forward to whats next.
Thank you to everyone thats been following my rewatch blogging, and for all the kind comments. I appreciate it so much, made the summer so fun.
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taeswurld · 4 years ago
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Ace IV [Loud & Clear]
pairing: bakugo x fem!reader
genre: humor, romance
TW: violence, cursing, angst, fluff
Summary: Shifting into My Hero was a total mistake, all those tiktoks you watched on a daily about shifting somehow convinced your brain to take part. Now the question is how to wake up, and most importantly, DON’T GET ATTACHED TO STUPID DRAWINGS!
A/N: Lemme know if you need to be added to the taglist! Also, sorry for the inconsistent posting, I’m really busy but you guys seem to like my awful writing so here you go! Weekends is probably when I’ll be most active, if not definitely Wednesdays, but it truly depends. 
{ACE MASTERLIST}
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You were feeling slightly better. 
Your mood swings have calmed down, now that you’ve had breakfast and your medicine. Hiro isn't on edge anymore, being friendlier with everyone. 
And by friendlier, he isn’t growling at anyone who gets within 3 feet of you. 
“Okay, so!” Mina, the girl who helped you out earlier pulled out a chair and sat next to you at the dining table. 
“I asked Momo if she could make you some tea, because from what I hear, you don’t remember a single thing that happened last night. Correct?”
“Well, um, actually, I don't remember anything at all. Like it feels as if I got transported here. I can remember everything from my family and stuff but I honestly can barely remember who you guys are, just like small little snippets. I don't know, man, I’m so confused right now.” You run your hands down your face, stressed out. 
You needed to get out of this weird dimension you’re in. You don’t know if your family might be worried, or if you’re body stayed there. Jesus, did you go into a coma? How will you wake up from this dream? 
But, it’s too controlled and realistic to feel like a dream. Like you can control your actions, emotions, but you can't control everyone else’s. It's like they have a mind of their own. 
“ Well, Y/N-chan, I suggest going to Mr. Aizawa for some advice. Maybe he can help you regain your memory. Since you don’t remember us clearly enough, I suggest everyone introducing themselves, and a favorite memory with you! For example,” she put the tea down next you and stood up. “My name is Momo Yaoyorozu, and my favorite memory with you has to be the time you helped me make chocolate covered strawberries with Sato for movie night!” 
“That's a great idea Yaoyorozu! I’ll go next!” The tall, stiff guy with the glasses stood up. “My name is Tenya Ilda, and one of my treasured memories is the time you visited me, Midoriya, and Todorki in the hospital and played Uno!” 
Hmm. All these memories they’ve claimed to have on you are all from cute little one shots you read when you felt lonely, and you were going through something with your friends. You would read them until 3 am, smothering in blankets and runny mascara after crying, wishing these characters could come to life.
Well, it’s too late to go back on your wish now. 
“My favorite memory is when we laughed at this dumbass video of Kirishima’s Elmo impression so hard, that every time you grabbed onto my arm, I gave you a little shock, and we both laughed even harder! Oh,” he got super close to your face and showed a 10k watt smile. “I’m Denki Kaminari by the way!” 
“You guys got a hold of that video? Mina, you promised you would show anyone!” Kirishima whined. 
“Hey! You somehow beat me at Just Dance the other day! All’s fair in love and war!” she replied as she put her arm around him. 
“My favorite memory is when you fought this weak ass villain during the training camp, and you still almost fucking died. You went off to cry like a fucking baby after, too.” The blonde from earlier came into view. 
You remember that fic. You were fighting a blonde girl with space buns, and while you both were strong, you over powered her slightly, but not before she collected a little bit of your blood. In the end, you think Midoriya came to save you, but the girl escaped.
But what’s his problem? He’s been so fucking rude to you ever since you came here. 
“What’s up with you? Did we hate each other or something? Like, honestly, did I shove a stick up your ass? Or kill your first born son?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. You genuinely had so idea why this guy seemed to hate you so much. 
“Actually, as far I remember,” Midoriya started, “you and Kacchan haven’t been on good terms since school started. You guys were starting to get along a little better, until 2 days ago when you began to fight like cats and dogs again. Except this time around, it was way worse.” 
Everyone looked at you, expecting the answer to a question you didn’t have the answer to. 
“Look, I don't want any problems with you. You seemed to be pretty focused on whatever, so I don't wanna get in the way of that. If you have some type of beef with me, it must’ve been pretty insignificant if I can’t remember it. Just let it go,” you get up to try to calm him down. If you’re gonna stay here for a while, which by the looks of it seems like you are, you might as well play nice. 
“Jesus fuck, you have some serious mood swings.” He rolls his eyes and decides to get close to you face, much like Denki was earlier. However, his eyes didn’t have any playfulness, and he definitely wasn't smiling. 
“Imma say this once, you. don't. matter. I’m going hate you like I did before, and I sure as well won’t let my guard down like last time. You aren't special enough for me to treat you nice. You want me to stop insulting you?” 
He somehow gets even closer to your face. So close in fact, your noses were touching. A little closer, and your lips would nest against each other.
“Stay out of my way L/N,” he whispers with as much hatred in voice as he possibly could.
In that moment, you knew he didn’t mean a single word he said.
He was looking at your eyes, searching for something. He looked tired, he clearly hadn’t had a good nights sleep in the past few days. He looked way older than he was, as if the world sucked up his life in a matter of months. He looked sad, and concerned, but for what? You had no clue. 
Now, even though you did say you would avoid the asshole at all costs, you couldn't let him be alone. You could tell you two had a little something going on before you shifted, whether you guys were friends, or rivals with no ill-intent, you definitely didn't hate each other as much as everyone claimed you did. 
Despite all these feelings, and his hurt expression afterwards, you replied in the coldest voice you could muster, 
“Loud and clear, dickhead.”  
tagslist : lanaxians-2
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mychemicalaromanticism · 4 years ago
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things ive already established r on this post
besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri
okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.
so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.
i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.
anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.
anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.
he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao
to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.
so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.
OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.
and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.
when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.
i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.
back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.
she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.
cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.
they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.
i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.
welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz
post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3
not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him
THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk
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bangtans-peaceful-piegon · 4 years ago
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My Cup of Tea: Prologue
My Cup Of Tea: Prologue | YoongixReader
Warnings for this Chapter: none, just a post-breakup suffering OC who is saved by a whole Min Yoongi
“Coffee is bitter, so people add a little bit of sugar or creamer until it suits their taste. However, once it’s added it can’t be separated. It’s also addictive, it’s your choice to keep it as your poison or to control how much you take. Some people need it, some people don’t...In that case, it really isn’t their cup of tea.”
A/N: im finally deciding to post this after who knows how long sajkdfhd,, tysm for beta reading this for me @jtrbluv !!! again u were a huge help because the tag game you tagged me in gave me the final push to actually post this fic thats been collecting dust in my drafts. ily boo !!! <3 it also took a while because i wanted to do more research for this fic. i dont think ive read about or drank so much tea in my life for the past few months. pls enjoy the prologue everyone!
Word Count: 1,600+
You sat in the worn out leather booth, eyes trained on the steaming mug in front of you.
What just happened?
Something that took five years to grow ended in mere seconds.
Five years of dedication.
Five years of convincing yourself it would work out, that it could be fixed.
Five years spent on a relationship that should’ve ended before it began.
You mindlessly took a sip of your coffee hissing as the hot brew burnt your tongue, mind drifting back to the argument that occurred hours ago...
“You’re never here!”
“Was I not enough for you?”
“Where’s the old Y/N that I knew and loved?”
You weren’t sure about what was said after that except for... “I’m seeing someone else.”
The bruising pain on your tongue began to throb and you couldn’t help the tears that formed.
You never liked coffee, but the café was your favorite place. 
Perhaps it was the enticing aroma that attracted you every time you walked in, or maybe it was the cleverly thought out name that was in the form of childlike puns: Bearly Awake Brew.
Either way, you couldn’t despise coffee any more than you already did in this moment.
“Are you alright?”
You whipped your head up to see a man standing above you.
Through your bleary eyes you could make out a set of kind brown ones shielded by black frames which rested atop a boopable nose. On his head, a black mop of neatly trimmed hair along with soft cheeks paired with a soft jawline.
The man was dressed in a black turtle-neck and long-coat as if returning from a meeting discussing the newest stocks and bonds of business.
After a small, possibly noticeable, ogling of the stranger, you shook your head ‘no.’
He motioned to the seat across from you raising his brows inquisitively, “May I?” 
This time you slowly nodded.
He seemed harmless enough, and even if he tried anything there was pepper spray in your purse.
You sniffled as he took a seat.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No y-you wouldn’t understand.” He leaned forward onto his elbows—a determined furrow in his brow.        
“Try me.”
Who was this guy? He didn’t come off as threatening but somewhat
 familiar.
You couldn’t quite place his face or remember his name.
“Not yet, right now I just need a good cry,” you replied sinking further into your seat.
“Alright.” He said, shrugging and not saying much, or really, nothing.
He sat across from you— not making eye contact but quietly observing the cafĂ©.
Several questions raised in your mind: Where did he come from? Why is he here of all places? Did someone send him with the intention to make you feel even more like a fool than you already did?
“Don’t you have anything better to do?” you asked when the silence became a little too long.
“No, not really...” he replied slowly. “Would you like me to leave?”
“No, I mean, it’s just-“ you hesitated, “You’re fine,”
“Ok then.”
Silence.
One look at him and it’d be hard to believe women find him approachable, but the man came up to you.
Much less, while you were on the verge of outright bawling in the middle of a café.
“What’s your name?” you asked, initiating conversation. You might as well since he was there.
“Yoongi. Yours?” You hesitated knowing it wasn’t fair to not give him your name.
“I’ll reassure you I’m not a stalker, at least not the bad kind.”
You let out an amused scoff, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He chuckles and you couldn’t help but enjoy the sound.
Were you really that joy deprived?
“Ok then, I’m Min Yoongi, and I’m a stocker. As in I distribute and track merchandise in stores.” he reaches a hand out to shake and you can’t help but stare at it.
“Well go on I won’t bite,” you huffed a laugh, taking his hand and shaking it.
He smiles and you can’t help but return it.
Who is this guy?
“Why don’t we go for a walk?”
You contemplate his offer.
You had just met him but you hadn’t had casual conversation in a while
 or hung out with friends for that matter. So maybe it’d be good for you after-
“Sure let’s go,” You replied immediately while standing up, maybe a little too quickly— your chair scratching the wooden floors and making a startling sound as you headed to the door.
He raised his brows in surprise at the sudden burst of energy before trailing behind you, ignoring the stares of café patrons.
“Hey wait up!”
-
This was another reason why you visited the quaint coffee shop often.
The park outside was always bustling with life and energy.
There was a little pond where ducks would glide across its surface diving from time to time, scavenging for the weeds at the bottom, maybe even getting sustenance from people who were ignorant of the ‘Do not feed the ducks’ sign.
It also had an open field where locals and families would enjoy the hot summer days by setting up little camps with blankets and food or even play small games of football or soccer.
While children played in the vast expanse of green, parents would sit back and converse with strangers forming new friendships. It was a place of change and growth and you loved it.
“So,” Yoongi continued as you both walked down the dirt path, “other than your name, and why you were crying in my cafĂ©, is there anything about you I have yet to know?” Your cheeks flushed red as you shifted your sight to the ground.
“There’s nothing much really,” you replied with a shrug before backtracking his sentence, “Wait, your cafĂ©?”
“Don’t change the subject. There’s got to be one thing about you
 how about your favorite color?”
You purse your lips at the dodging of the question, albeit a basic one, but it was a start. “I guess Rainbow,”
He nodded with a hum, “Wise choice,”
You let out a huff of amusement, “Alright wise guy, what’s yours?”
He pondered for a moment before affirmatively replying, “Black,”
You hummed. “Kind of... dark, isn’t it?”
He turned around and shrugged, “I’d say the rainbow but you took it already,”
You scoffed, resuming your place beside him.
He continued asking basic questions to which you replied and vice versa.
You liked dogs, but him on the other hand didn’t have a favorite animal, at least until he adopted a poodle which made him keen on the creatures, more specifically one named Holly.
You were allergic to bees and he was allergic to cats.
You both enjoyed a variation of music from rap to classical piano music, but the question also led to a debate on what artist is the most superior to all.
Neither of you won, and concluded neither lost with valid points made during said argument.
It only felt like minutes had gone by but wasn’t until you looked at the time that you realized how late it was.
The crowd at the park had begun to thin out while shops surrounding the area were beginning to close for the day.
The once bright sunlight began to fade behind clouds as it began its descent to the horizon.
“I should probably be heading home,” you cut in politely before he could delve into the topic of what they would do in a post-apocalyptic world.
“Oh,” he replied, obviously disappointed.
He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well could I ask you one more thing?”
You nodded expecting it to be another ‘get to know you’ question or something along the lines of ‘if you had to would cut your arm or leg off?’ but it was something much more complicated.
“Can I get your number?”
You stiffened, unsure how to respond.
You weren’t sure if he was asking as a friend or a man with an ulterior motive.
Could you really do it?
Especially after you had just-
“I’m sorry that came out wrong,” He quickly mended, fumbling his words, realizing your distress.
“I think you’re really great, and I’d like us to continue talking. Just two people who enjoy each other’s company, you know?”
You looked up at him and saw he was offering to be friends that would be nothing more.
You couldn’t deny: you had fun.
For the first time in a long time.
Maybe it wasn’t a relationship you needed, but a friendship.
You smiled, “I’d like that,”
You reached into your pocket pulling out your phone, “Here.”
You both swapped devices, putting in the respective numbers. Once the contact was added, you returned each device to the rightful owner.
He grinned, holding up his phone, “How about a contact photo?” 
You smiled, nodding as you  stood beside him while  he took a selfie of you side-by-side. Once the picture was taken he slid his phone into his pocket. “Thanks,” he glanced down at the phone, that darn smile growing on his face, “Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon?” 
You nodded and finally split ways.
As you began the trek toward your apartment a dopey smile remained plastered on your face.
Maybe everything would be alright.
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missmonsters2 · 5 years ago
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The Color of You || Part VII
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PAIRING: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader/OFC
Summary: It was another mission Natasha was assigned to. Nothing she hasn’t done before. Same mission, different people. Sent undercover to investigate William Cain, suspect to funding terrorism and smuggling weaponry. Under the disguise of Natanya Rovinski, Natasha is ready for another routine mission. Until she met you, William’s fiancĂ©. 
Warnings: There are dark elements to this series. Also, smut later on. Please note this part includes abuse & torture (semi-graphic).
NOTE: This is a pretty dark chapter about reader. Lemme know if you want to be on my taglist for this series, any natasha stories I do, Wanda stories, or everything
PART I || PART II || PART III || PART IV || PART V || PART VI 
PART VII of X
Count: 3249
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10 years ago...
Your name was being shouted from a distance. You turned your head, seeing your mother calling you back into the house. Closing your sketchbook, you got up, dusting your pants before making your way back in.
“Really, you shouldn’t be outside too long,” your mother half-heartedly scolded you.
“Why not? We’re in the countryside. There are no neighbors for miles and miles away,” You rebuttal, a little upset that you had to come in.
Your mother merely raises her brow at you. “You’re getting a bit more of an attitude every day, missy. I didn’t say anything when you got your tattoos, but no sass-mouthing me.” 
She says it so jokingly that you can’t help but smile along.
“It’s going to rain today,” you say, and your mother seems confused.
“Really? The weatherman said it’ll be sunny all day,” she muses.
“It will rain,” you confirm. 
“Best get the laundry in then,” your mother rushes off.
You grin, watching your mother runoff. Your family was wealthy with your father running his own company, but even so, you lived in a beautiful house out in the countryside, away with people and no hired help. Well, you used to have a maid at least, but she had quit saying the countryside was not settling well with her body. Your family paid her a lot of hush money.
Your family adored you, and when they discovered your strange gift, it really worried them what could happen to you if anyone knew.
The worry that people would take you, want to experiment on you, or take advantage of you pushed your parents to make the decisions they did.
So, you and your family took care of your daily things while your father would go run his company, often coming home late at night. 
It was a simple life.
Everything was good.
Or so you thought.
“I just...I don’t know what we’re going to do. I may have to claim bankruptcy. We’re hardly making the payments we need to do. The company just keeps getting worse, and I don’t understand why. I had to lay off 80 people today. I’ve closed down many factories in the last month.”
You stood quietly at the door, slightly ajar for you to peer in to see your father in a stressed state as your mother tried to comfort him.
“Should we move back into the city?” Your mother suggests, but your father shook his head.
“No, it’s worse for our daughter out there. You know that. There are too many people and sounds. It triggers the visions.”
Your mother purses her lips but agrees. They sigh stressfully together, your mother’s head on your father’s shoulder.
“We’ll figure it out, darling, we always do.”
It made you feel awful. 
That night you stared at the ceiling in bed, praying an answer would come.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
You were in the field again, resting against the tree, sketching the view before you.
It was peaceful, but in the sense that it’s the calm before the storm. You were anxious.
Last night, you were getting horrible visions of a man in a fiery crash. He was stuck in the vehicle, screaming a name you couldn’t hear. The vehicle caught on fire, and there was so much blood.
The crash had disfigured his face, but his expression haunted you.
You weren’t sure what to do with it because you didn’t know who this man, where he was, or when it was happening. 
Hell, you couldn’t make out his face without the blood and shards of glass.
A part of you wasn’t sure if maybe you were just having nightmares.
But the same vision kept coming over and over the next few nights. You were getting ragged, and your parents could tell. 
They were happening more frequently, with more details each time, but it wasn’t like you had any more understanding. 
You spent a day, just trying to mimic what the man was saying in the car before he died. Your mouth followed his movements, but you weren’t getting anywhere. 
You felt like you were going to go crazy, watching the same man dying.
It kept going, and going, and going, and going, and going...
Until one day, it stopped. 
A part of you was relieved, but there was a drop in your stomach wondering if it stopped because it happened, and it was no longer a future possibility. 
The days were peaceful once more. 
Well, as can be. You could tell your parents were getting more stressed as they were running out of money, getting closer, and closer to bankruptcy.
You were sure the peaceful days were coming to an end, and you felt so guilty you couldn’t do more. 
“--rry, I’m just really lost. How do I get back to the main road?”
You turned your head, stretching to see a tall, handsome man with a couple dirt stains on his suit. 
He looked shy.
Your mother merely laughed at his sheepish boyish grin.
“Well, let me draw you a map. Why don’t you come in and grab some tea? Must’ve been some adventure, huh?”
The man laughed and walked inside. 
You quietly crawled through the tall flowers, peering inside the kitchen glass door to see the man sit down. 
You tilted your head to the side, observing him.
He was obviously wealthy, catching his Rolex watch on his wrist.
You did find it a little weird for someone to get lost here. This was quite out of the way of anything.
He turned his head, and then your eyes met. 
He looked shocked, mouth agape. 
He actually flushed and looked away. 
Since you were caught, you stood up, coming through the side door of the kitchen. Your mother looked shocked to see you. Even a little wary.
“This is my daughter,” Your mother told the man, introducing you.
The man stood abruptly up, coughing slightly as he stuck his hand out towards you.
“I’m William Cain.”
Your mother hummed. “Your dad doesn’t happen to own Cain Holdings, does he?”
William nodded, and your mother gave him a sympathetic smile.
“I heard about the accident. I’m really sorry to hear about him.”
William merely thanked her with a half-smile before looking back at you. You tilted your head down, looking a the map your mother drew and hummed.
Grabbing the pen, you re-drew the path he should take.
“Is it wrong?” Your mother asked.
“No, but...the roads are tricky over there. It is best he takes this route back to the main road.” You quietly say, passing the sheet of paper to him with a small smile. “It was nice to meet you.”
And then you left. Your mother is someone that doesn’t like you meeting strangers, so it’d be best to limit interactions.
She heard small noises from downstairs, but soon, William was on his way.
She thought that was the end of that.
Until he showed up again.
And then again, and again, and again. 
The next couple of times, he came with small gifts like chocolate, cookies, or little trinkets, saying it was a thank you for helping him.
The next couple of times, he would come up with ridiculous lies to say he was visiting. 
One day, he merely said he wanted to see you.
Then the reasons no longer mattered. 
You couldn’t classify that you were in love with William, your heart just didn’t feel that way. But you weren’t unsatisfied to be with him. Especially knowing he could help your father.
Before you knew it, he wanted to whisk you away, back to his estate. He thinks you just have a frail body, which is why you’re in the countryside. He promises your parents of a quiet place for you, where you can still have fresh air, and lots of room to draw and paint. 
He promises a partnership for your father’s company.
And with your reassurance, they hand you to him. 
“Don’t tell William about your abilities, dear,” your mother tells you as she helps you pack your clothes. “I know he loves you, but you never know.”
You nod, feeling your throat burn as your about to leave your parents. 
“We can visit at any time. Heck, we may even decide to move back to the city,” your mother tries to reassure you, but you’ll miss her anyways. 
With hugs and kisses goodbye, a final piece of advice, you part ways with your family.
Never to see them again.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
William’s place is quiet. 
Much more quiet than you had expected. There are no pictures on the wall, only paintings and trinkets. You meet his mother, who’s just thrilled to have ‘such a young, graceful lady around.’
She seems sweet but also distant. She looks out the window a lot like she’s expecting someone to come home at any time. 
William is still finishing university, it was a wonder how he found so much time to visit you. On top of that, he was busying himself to take over his father’s business. 
You’re still getting used to the city air. It’s not quite the same as the countryside, but you find that you don’t mind it at all. 
William seems to be keeping you a secret because, as the years pass, you never meet anyone new. You’ve visited your parents rarely, and it seems to be getting more infrequent.
There’s an unsettling fear in your stomach, and you don’t understand why. It feels like you’re being tested. William asks your opinion on everything, trying to gauge your reaction.
You’ll purposely choose the wrong thing or say the wrong thing because your mother’s words can’t escape your head.
You’re now having reoccurring nightmares of the man dying in the car crash again. He’s screaming and screaming, but you can’t hear what he’s saying. Waking up in cold sweats and an empty bed, you’re scared out of your mind. 
You want to leave. 
So in the dead of night, while William is gone, you sneak into the hallways. 
Suddenly, you hear footsteps and noises. Panic overtakes you as you scramble through a door you haven’t been through before. You shut the door, leaning against it as you listened to the footsteps and voices walk right past you.
Sighing in relief, you stood up straighter and turned around. It was dark, but the moonlight outside illuminated the room enough for you to see. 
You realized that it wasn’t so much a room, but a hallway. Against the wall were portraits lined up side by side. Walking over, you looked at the photos one-by-one. Typically, this was a room you weren’t allowed to enter. William or a maid always led you away.
This must be generations of men in William’s family, you thought. 
You come to the last photo. It must be William’s father. You haven’t really seen a big, clear picture of the man before. Even in news articles, they were always taken from afar. 
You stood before the large portrait that seemed to loom down on you, staring at you with his clear features and eyes.
A sharp pain shot through your head as you hissed, hand coming to your eyes as the images rush through your head.
It’s the dying man again.
But you can hear everything this time, see more clearly.
“WILLIAM! WILLIAM!” He screams, desperately trying to unbuckle his seatbelt. The car is incredibly hot, a small fire coming from under the hood with smoke. Shards of glass are stuck in his face, and there’s just so much pain. 
He can hear a car door shut just a few feet from him. He turns his head to see his son come up to the window.
“WILLIAM, GET ME OUT OF HERE!” He yells, pulling at his seatbelt again. A truck just came out of nowhere, and the fire was starting to grow.
William stood by the driver’s side, careful to not lean too close with the broken glass as he crouched down, his face stoic. 
“You don’t understand our legacy, father. You’re going to ruin everything our family has created for generations.”
His father watched as William got up, walking away without even stumbling. 
“WILLIAM! WILLIAM!”
He called and called, but his voice was soon drowned out by the sound of the vehicle exploding.
Your head felt heavy as you were gasping in pain. It was like your right eye was throbbing. 
“You know, don’t you?”
You whipped around to see William, who just turned onto the hallway, casually leaning against the wall.
You stumble back a little bit, but then your back hit someone else’s. You turn your head to see Evelyn, the last maid you had.
“Evelyn...? What are you--”
“It’s fine, release her,” William cuts you off. 
Evelyn lets go of your shoulders, and William walked to stand before you.
“You know what I did, don’t you?” William says to you again, his arms crossed over his chest.
“N-No, I don’t--” You stuttered.
“Don’t lie,” William tsked at you. “I heard from our little rich circle years ago about your parents who had a darling little girl...but something was off about her, she was always predicting things that happened.”
William uncrossed his arms, lifting his hand to caress a strand of your hair. “I paid Evelyn a lot of money to see if it was true. Then I swept you away...keeping you here to see myself.”
“So,” William drawled, “What else have you seen?”
“N-nothing,” you say, and it’s true, at least nothing related to William. 
William merely smiles at you.
“I guess we’ll have to change that.”
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
It was dark.
And cold.
You don’t know how many days you’ve been in this...hole.
Evelyn has taken you deep into the basement. You’re sure you’re well beneath the floor in this cell. 
They dropped you in here with no way of getting out.
It felt like you were in a well. 
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
Your screams were echoing.
Arm out as your hands stretched to reach...reach something.
“I don’t like it when you run, don’t you understand that by now?” William’s voice sounded disappointed with you. 
The blade he held carved into your skin, and you could feel a warm liquid dribble out and slide down your sides.
“P-Please stop...” you begged with tears in your eyes and throat raw from screaming.
“Don’t run from me anymore.”
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
You were back in the dark.
Knees crouched to your chest, you had your head down. 
Evelyn came by, and you were mad at her. Hated her with every fiber of your being. 
You want your parents, your parents will know you're missing if they keep visiting and you’re never around.
Evelyn says your parents won’t visit anymore.
You won’t get to see them until you’re dead, she tells you. 
You don’t know what to do anymore. 
You’ve been in here for weeks. Your back has begun to scab over, but you refuse to give anything to William. 
You stare straight ahead, even if you can’t see anything.
You start to wonder if you should give up and join your parents.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
“Still nothing?” William says to you as you’re forced to kneel before him.
He comes up to you and gets down on one knee. Your face is bruised, and he cups it gently like he cares about you.
“I don’t want to treat you like this, you know. I meant what I said to your parents when I said I’d take care of you. You need to let me take care of you.”
You clench your jaw at the mention of your parents, but you don’t say anything.
William moves in to try to brush his lips against yours, but you vehemently turn your head away.
For a second, you think he might hit you again, but he just sighs.
“Evelyn, take her back,” William says, but he turns to you again. “I want you to help me, but if you can’t, I don’t have any problems achieving what I need to without you too. Don’t become useless to me.”
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
Your back rests against the slightly curved wall. Your hair feels matted, and you just feel grimy in general.
William's words keep replaying in your head, but you can’t help but feel hopeless.
You’ve stopped eating the meals Evelyn brings you. 
It doesn’t matter anymore, you think. 
You stare into the nothingness so long you think you’re eyes have adjusted. 
People think that the dark is just black, but it’s not. There are no words to describe the lack of colors around you. 
A sharp pain hits your head again as you hiss, bringing your hand to your eye.
The sudden colors are so vivid and bright, it almost hurts you. 
You see flashes of red hair, luscious lips, a black suit, and a pair of piercing emerald eyes.
You just see quick flashes of different scenes, but you know one thing for sure.
She’s going to take down William.
“Natasha,” you whisper to yourself as if to test the name on your lips. 
It makes you feel warm.
And you get a feeling that you haven’t felt in a long time.
Hope.
⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷
“Then I got myself together...forced myself to give into William and paved his way exactly the way it had to be to bring you here.”
You feel something wet hit your bare back.
Turning your head as far as you can to see tears falling from Natasha’s eyes and it trickles down her face, hitting your back a couple more times.
You wonder if it’s awful to think she looks beautiful when she’s crying too. You turn your body over, Natasha adjusting herself so you can do so.
With your bare chest exposed to her, you lift your hand and cradle her cheek, smiling a little when she presses herself more into your palm.
“Why are you crying?” You ask her softly, using your thumb to wipe a tear that was falling.
“I’ll kill him,” Natasha says, turning her lips into your palm as she kisses the area tenderly. 
You chuckle softly because you’re not sure if she really will or not, but it warms your heart nonetheless. 
“Do you want to know something interesting?” You ask, your other hand pulling on her shirt, so Natasha will lean down closer to your lips.
Natasha hums.
“When I saw you...I held onto you. Through every dark night, painful crying, and feeling so wretched...I remembered you.” You whispered as Natasha’s lips got closer. Your thumb stroked the softness of her cheek as Natasha gripped onto your sides tightly, screwing her eyes shut as you told her what she meant to you.
“You’re such a beautiful color, Natasha. You’re the soft blue that comforted me, the yellow that brought me happiness, a pure white that gave me light the darkness, and the green that brought me hope. Do you understand me?”
You’re so desperate for her to understand.
Because without her, you would’ve never made it out alive, and you need her to know that.
Your lips brush against Natasha’s as her body lines up with yours. You shiver, feeling her cover your chest.
“You saved me.”
Natasha won’t let you say anymore as her lips crashes onto yours, but you feel her emotions dripping into you as she kisses you deeply. Her grip loosens as she pushes her arms under your back to hold you closer. 
“You’re mine,” is all Natasha can say.
PART VIII
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slapshot-to-the-heart · 5 years ago
Text
Flatbush & Atlantic: part iv
And here’s part iv! I’d love it if y’all would reblog, this is a work I’m really proud of and the more people it’s shared with the better! My inbox is always open, and I’d love to hear your thoughts, even if it’s just “AAAAAH.” Enjoy!
part i part ii part iii
part iv
December 12
Cass grimaced, looking over at the tab on her laptop that had the Islanders game open. They were down 3-1 late in the third, and it didn’t look like they were going to be able to pull it off. It was the last game of a ten day roadie, and they had lost all but one against the Red Wings right at the beginning. And the Wings were 10-21, so it wasn’t even a confidence booster. To make matters worse, Mat was on a points drought; he hadn’t gotten an assist, let alone scored, since the first game of the trip, a 4-1 loss to the Blue Jackets. They also were playing a few players down, an MCL sprain and the ever-vague “lower body injury” kept the team from being at full strength. 
As the game came to a close, she didn’t even know if Mat wanted to talk to her. His relentless dedication was one of her favorite things about him, but it also led him to take things way too personally and be way too hard on himself even when  — especially when  — the situation didn’t call for it. He was probably beating himself up as the boys headed back into the locker room, being short with his teammates and trainers and whatever poor sports reporter had been sent to ask “how they planned on snapping this unfortunate streak” in the post-game interviews. He’d never be deliberately mean or unkind to anyone, but just like anyone, her boyfriend got stressed and overwhelmed and didn’t always know how to deal with it. I saw the game, she texted him, I’m proud of you. Call me if you want. 
Dec. 15 (wed)
Mat had barely spoken to her since the return from the roadie, and it was starting to get on her nerves. Texts were responded with single words, if they were answered at all. They were supposed to have visited the Met yesterday , but that hadn’t happened either. He had cancelled, saying that “some team thing came up” and he wouldn’t be able to make it. Barely apologized. And what pissed Cass of more than almost anything was that she wanted to help, she wanted so badly for him to just talk to her, she wouldn’t judge him or make him feel like he was a shitty player or a shitty person, but she couldn’t do that if he wasn’t even picking up her damn calls. Who do you talk to when there’s almost nobody in the world who understands the position you’re in? 
Maybe that was just it. She’d go to the people who did understand. Paige had added her to the WAGs Whatsapp group the week prior, and from everything she had gathered so far, it was exactly the sort of place to go for advice. Cass pulled up the chat, torn between not wanting to seem like she was oversharing but not really sure what else she could do. Hey, guys, she started. Mat’s been taking the losing streak pretty personally (as I’m sure a lot of your guys are) and seems to be pulling away. Any advice? I don’t want to push him but I know it’ll get worse if he just keeps it all bottled inside. Clicking send, Cass sighed, leaning back in her desk chair and trying desperately to study for her Environmental Law final. 
At some point after midnight, she closed her books and laptop with frustration. The test wasn’t until next week, but she wasn’t going to get anywhere trying to study as distracted as she was. She grabbed her phone, heading to the bathroom to brush her teeth and check the group chat. No fewer than six of the women had written back, some of whom she hadn’t even met, with long, sympathetic paragraphs overflowing with advice. She read them all, touched by the time, effort, and care that everyone has put into making her feel just a little less anxious. But the overwhelming message was clear. Find balance, but don’t let him blow you off. Be a support system, but you’re not his therapist. And repeated again and again, Talk to him. 
She tapped out a message before she turned her bedside lamp off, hoping that with morning would finally come a proper response from Mat. Can we meet for coffee tomorrow morning? You know as well as I do that we need to talk. I’ll be at Donahue’s at 8. 
Read: 12:23 AM
Dec. 16 (thurs)
Her foot tapped nervously, hands clasped tightly around the cup in front of her and beanie pulled over her head, curls poking out from under. He had read the text, but Cass had no clue if Mat was actually going to show up or not. He hadn’t responded. It was ten past eight, and Cass was just about ready to give up and head to school early. She had just put her laptop back in her bag when she caught Mat out of the corner of her eye. He gave her a small smile, equal parts nervous and almost  — bothered? “Hey,” he said softly, unzipping his puffer coat and sliding into the chair opposite her. “You said you wanted to talk?”
Suddenly, the whole elaborate speech Cass had prepared, about letting her in and supporting him and communication, left her mind. “Yeah.”
“So, talk,” Mat said, with a slight edge to his voice. 
She looked down at her cup. “I get that you’re disappointed about the losing streak. I get it and I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped —”
“I don’t think you do get it, Cassidy —”
She cut him off. “Let me finish, Mathew. I’m sorry that you’re not doing as well as you hoped, and I do get how shitty it is when you know you’re putting in the time and effort and practice and it doesn’t seem like anything’s working, but you’ve barely talked to be about any of it.”
“‘Cause I don’t want to,” Mat mumbled. 
Cass leaned back in her chair. “And I get that. I get if you don’t want to talk to me. But you’re not talking to anyone. You’re not talking to Tito, I asked him and he said you’ve been just as closed-off with the team. You’re not talking to any of the other guys. And I’d bet you’re not talking to your parents or your sister either.”
No one gets it!” Mat said in frustration, a little louder than was necessary. “I go through so much shit and have so much pressure on me and
” He trailed off for a minute. “I don’t want to disappoint the team, I don’t want to disappoint the fans. I don’t want to disappoint my family. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“Everyone had their ups and downs,” Cass started.
“And I get that,” Mat said, holding his head in his hands and looking down at her coffee cup. The same white-and-blue one he had gotten her two months earlier. “But it’s hard. It’s hard when I’m feeling like the fans aren’t getting what they deserve when they come to games, and like I’m not worth what they’re paying me right now. I know you want to, but you don’t get it.”
Cass looked away, turning her eyes to the street. The sidewalk was dusted in white, turning to slush every time someone walked past. It was the first snow of the year. “Then help me to.”
He breathed out, finally relaxing a little. “It’s not that easy.”
“I want to help you,” Cass said, leaning over the table and clasping his hands in hers. “But you can’t keep freezing me out like this, chou. It’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to me.”
Mat closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. “I just don’t want this to become your thing too. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I know right now kind of sucks for me but that’s just how it is sometimes, you know? It’s just how it is and I have to get over it. I have to get over myself.”
“Mat, your well-being and mental health isn’t something you can just ‘get over.’ Or even something you should. I’m not a professional, and if you need one that’s something we can find,” Mat wrinkled his face, and Cass was pointedly reminded how often men’s mental health was ignored, “but I’m here for you to talk to. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
He ran his thumb over her hand. “But you didn’t sign up for this.”
Cas shook her head. “Mathew Barzal. This is exactly what I signed up for. I’m pretty smart,” he cracked a smile, “and I knew what I was getting myself into. Dating someone with such an unconventional job and schedule can be stressful, and frustrating, and confusing for everyone involved. But I chose it, Mat. I chose you.”
Dec. 21 (mon)
For once, Cass wasn’t headed straight home after work, or headed to a game, or — God forbid — back to the library to study. Her last final had been that morning, and she was free for three blessed weeks until the New Year. Which meant that she didn’t have to worry about turning in another essay or memorizing another case, which meant that she was more than free to go to the team Christmas party with Mat later that night. He had somehow been coerced into hosting, and Cass had promised to get to his apartment early to help set up. He was mostly done by the time she got there, so “setting up” turned out to mean setting up the bar and putting out snacks, Cass mixing up an enormous pitcher of her favorite sangria, a signature standby from her sorority’s Wine Wednesdays. 
Mat had even put up a proper Christmas tree, and Cass smiled at the piney scent as she headed down the hallway, bag in hand. “Cool if I change in your room?” She shouted down the hall at Mat, who was currently engrossed in pouring a bowl full of chocolate-covered pretzels. “Yeah, go for it,” he called back. Cass didn’t have a lot of excuses to dress up, but liked taking advantage when the occasion called for it. Her dress was short, red satin with a slit on one side and silver embellishment on the other. She used his bathroom to touch up her makeup, swiping her burgundy lipstick on and double-checking her brows. Cass shoved her work clothes back into her backpack, tossing it onto the plush armchair in the corner of his room. 
She walked down the hallway, which was pretty much bare save for a few pictures of his friends from home and one with his family on the day he was drafted. She was kind of surprised that Mat owned a single picture frame. Cass sat on the couch in his living room, looking at the Christmas tree. There were one or two Islanders ornaments, a paper Santa that she assumed had been a kindergarten art project, a photo of his family around the fireplace that looked like it had been taken a year or two earlier. Mat wrapped his arms around her, hugging her from behind. “Whatcha looking at, babe?” 
She smiled. “Your ornaments. They’re really pretty.”
“Not  as pretty as you.”
The door rang, Mat kissing her quickly before walking across the room to open it. A group of the younger players piled in, mostly rookies and call-ups from Bridgeport. One of them had brought along a keg of beer, and Cass had to fight back a laugh while showing him to the kitchen and setting it on the counter. He was just out of college, she’d stake her life on it. By the time she’d secured the keg and started getting people set up with drinks, the living room had started to fill up. “What can I get you?” She asked Paige, who had left Tito with the boys by the tree and made her way over to Cass. 
“What are my chances of getting a Moscow mule?” Paige asked. “I don’t want to be a difficult guest, but,”
“Very good,” Cass said, turning around and grabbing the vodka and ginger ale. “We don’t have the proper mugs though, so don’t be complaining.” One shot of vodka. Half a can of ginger ale. Squeeze a lime. She had bartended for a little over a year when she first moved to New York, and it was still one of her favorite things to do for friends. Mixing herself a whiskey sour, Cass wandered back over to Mat and Tito. 
---
It was well past eleven and the party was nowhere near stopping. While everyone was conscious of the noise level — for the most part, she had seen a few of the guys being reminded to use their inside voices — the conversations were still going and the drinks were still flowing. Cass had passed the tipsy point somewhere around 10:30, though she was nowhere near as hammered as some of the team. Or their dates, for that matter. She was cuddled up against Mat on the couch, heels long having since been abandoned and nursing what she was pretty sure was a vodka sprite with way too much vodka and way too little sprite. Whatever, Cass thought ruefully as she tipped the last of it back. It gets the job done. 
Mat was a touchy drunk, Cass had learned, and one hand seemed to have taken up permanent residence at her waist while he sipped a beer with the other. “What do you think Christmas will be like for you?” Cass asked softly, tilting up her head to look at him. “Since you won’t be with your family.” Mat knew it was a possibility, but he was still pretty upset when he looked at the schedule and realized that his family wasn’t going to be able to fly out to spend the holidays with him, and he didn’t have enough time to go back out to Vancouver. 
Her parents had extended the invitation for Mat to spend Christmas with them when she had been back up for Thanksgiving; he couldn’t make Christmas Day, but was able to carve out two days to visit. He smiled at her, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “You’re cute when you’re worried, y’know that?” Cass scrunched up her nose. “It’s not like I’m going to be alone. I’m doing Christmas with Beau, since Paige’ll be out of town too, and some of the guys usually plan a nice dinner thing for anyone who’s not with family.”
“That sounds nice,” Cass noted, still feeling a pang of guilt. 
“Hey,” Mat said, noticing her distraction. He sat up, turning her face to look towards him. “I’ll be fine. I’m a grown-ass man.” 
Cass cocked an eyebrow. “Sure about that?”
Mat giggled. “Okay, okay, fine. Point taken. But yeah, it would be nice to have my family, but I kind of do, y’know?” He said, nodding around to the guys. Cass could have sworn that in that moment, her heart melted. “And I want you to spend time with yours. I’d be kind of a shitty boyfriend if I didn’t want you to.” Mat leaned in, and his lips brushed against hers so that they were almost touching but not quite, hesitantly. Cass pressed against him, her fingers finding purchase in the baby hairs at the nape of his neck. She loved that he was letting his hair grow out. He tasted like whiskey and tequila and some cheap beer that she was pretty sure was Natty Light, but she couldn’t have cared less, just like she ignored the not-so-subtle wolf-whistles from the teammates. 
Everyone started clearing out around midnight, a few staying to help stuff cans and bottles into trash bags that were left unceremoniously in the kitchen to be dealt with the next morning. Cass yawned, rubbing her eyes. She had sobered up some, but was still well past the legal limit. “Whatcha doing?” Mat asked, seeing her about to order an Uber.
“Calling a ride?” Cass questioned.
“Why don’t you just stay?” Mat asked haltingly. “If you want.” Cass had obviously been over to his place before, multiple times, but hadn’t stayed the night yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him, because she did, but it was something that was a big step for her. That meant a lot to her. But it was late, and she was sleepy, and Mat did make a really good pillow. “Okay,” she conceded. 
Mat smiled, taking her hand and leading her back to his bedroom. He rummaged through his dresser, grabbing an old Thunderbirds t-shirt and athletic shorts and handing them to her as she walked into his ensuite. “I don’t have stuff to get your makeup off, but there is soap?” He offered. 
Cass laughed. “I brought some wipes, but thank you. That’s really sweet.” She changed and took her makeup off, finding a spare toothbrush in one of the drawers and brushing her teeth. She popped out after a few minutes. Mat was already changed, dressed in pyjama pants and a comfy-looking heathered grey top. “The red toothbrush is mine now.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he responded, cracking a smile. A few minutes later, she had claimed the left side of the bed and he had come back from the bathroom. They were lazily kissing, Mat’s hand just barely brushing the skin on her waist from where the shirt had ridden up. Cass was still tipsy and she knew Mat wouldn’t try anything, not like this, but God, it was nice just to feel close to him. After a few minutes he pulled back, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear that had fallen out of the loose messy bun she had thrown together. “What’s running through your head, babe?” He murmured. 
Cass looked down, biting her lip. She was usually good with emotions, good with communication, but something about Mat made her heart skip a beat and brain go into overdrive all at once, and somehow she was convinced that it was the best feeling in the world. “I’m just really happy right now,” she breathed. “It’s Christmas, with our friends, and you...It’s everything I could want.” 
Mat gave the softest smile. “You, with me, right now? That’s all I could want, Cass.”
Dec 22. (wed)
Cass zipped her suitcase shut, double-checking that she had everything she’d need for her two weeks in Connecticut. It wasn’t a big deal if she forgot something, there was probably some stuff left in her old dresser, and her little sister Eliana was about the same size. Mat had just texted that he was almost there. Cass grabbed her backpack and suitcase, stopping for a moment to pop out the final few chocolates on the Advent calendar her mom had sent down. She closed her bedroom door, wishing a harried goodbye to Ryanne and Stella, and ambled down the stairs as fast as her bags would allow her. She didn’t want Mat to have to double-park and risk getting a ticket. 
True to his word, Mat was just pulling up when she came out of the building, waving one hand and double-checking the street was clear before flipping his hazards on and hopping out to help her put her bags in the trunk. Kissing him on the cheek in thanks, Cass slid into the passenger’s side, giving Mat a very pointed look when she saw that the first song on his playlist was Justin Bieber. “Don’t make fun of me,” he mumbled, blushing. 
“Who said I’m making fun of you?” Cass said lightly, trying and failing to hide her smile. 
They had decided that Mat would make the drive, since he was only staying two nights they had figured it would make more sense. The directions had been plugged into the Bluetooth system, and they had just made it out of the city when Mat looked over at the passenger’s seat, furrowing his brow when he saw Cass’s expression. Something was bothering her. “What’s up, babe?”
She bit her lip. “Nothing.”
“C’mon, we both decided we weren’t going to do this anymore. You don’t have to tell me if you really don’t want to, but I think you want to talk.”
Cass looked down at her lap. “I got a letter from the company that’s handling my student loans.”
“I thought you didn’t have any debt?” Mat asked quizzically.
She let out a single, humorless laugh. “That was for undergrad, and that was only because I was really, really lucky. I got some money from the school and I worked some, but that only covered about half of my costs? A little less?” 
“Which leaves you with how much?”
“A hundred and ten thousand dollars, give or take. They were sending me the payment schedule, I have to start paying it back late next year.” 
Mat breathed out. He knew that Cass didn’t come from money, but being from Canada and not having gone to college himself, he wasn’t really aware of just how debilitating student debt could get. “Do your parents know?” He asked gently.
Cass picked at a loose thread on her scarf. “Yeah. They helped as much as they could, but there’s three of us and they’re not made of money. “I, uh,” she paused briefly, “I told you I went to private school, yeah?” Mat nodded. “Catholic school doesn’t come cheap, so I was actually on work-study at my high school, which helped a lot. But I hated it.”
“Your school?” He questioned. 
She shook her head. “No, I loved my school. It was great. I just hated feeling like a charity case. My school’s in a pretty well-off neighborhood, so most of the families there had money, and some were like proper ‘old money’ New Englanders. I had some great friends and nobody ever really outwardly was an ass about it if they knew, but still
” She trailed off.
“You felt like you never quite fit in.” Mat finished.
She nodded. “It was hard and it sucked sometimes, but that’s just how it is, I guess,” she said, shrugging her shoulders. 
Two hours later, Mat pulled into Manchester, following Cass’s directions down the winding roads and corners of her hometown. “Do you think they’ll like me?” He asked nervously, eyes flitting between Cass and the road in front of him. 
Her brow furrowed. “Who? My family?” Mat nodded. “My family’s going to love you. You’re kind and you treat me with respect. That’s all they’ve ever wanted for me. And my brother already worships the ground you walk on, practically,” she added with a smile. 
“He’s a junior, yeah?” 
“Mhm,” she responded. Cass’s younger brother Noah was a junior in high school, and one of the best players on his club hockey team. Hockey didn’t run cheap and he had been lifeguarding the past few summers to pay for it, but it was all starting to pay off and he was having some interest shown by college scouts. 
Mat pulled up beside the curb in front of her house, killing the engine and shoving the keys back into his pocket. Cass popped the trunk and took her backpack, while Mat got his duffel and her suitcase. She reached for his hand as they walked up the driveway, giving it a reassuring squeeze as she rang the doorbell. 
“Cass!” Eliana squealed, hugging as much of her sister as she could manage around the bags. “Put your bags by the door, Dad’s grilling out back and I think Mom’s making your bed.” Mat had had an afternoon game and the two had left not long after, so it was dinnertime and Cass was ravenous. “Grilling in December?” She questioned. 
Eliana shrugged, closing the door behind them. “You know Patrick, you go be the one to tell the man he can’t make burgers in the winter.” She turned to Mat, also greeting him with a hug. “You must be Mat, Cass talks about you a lot.” 
Cass swatted her. “El!”
Mat chuckled. “Yeah. Mat Barzal, nice to meet you. Good things, I hope?”
“Only the best,” Eliana said, leading them through to the back porch, where her dad was grilling on the patio while Noah was doing sprints up and down the lawn. He almost fell when he spotted Cass and Mat, causing Mat to have to hide a laugh behind his hand. Her dad turned around, setting the spatula down when he saw them. Mat swallowed, sticking out his hand for a shake. “Mat Barzal, sir.”
“Call me Patrick. Good to meet you Mat, go get settled and we should have dinner ready in a few, okay?” Mat nodded. “Noah, pick your jaw up off the floor and go help them with their things, okay?” Noah ducked his head, brushing the dirt off his shorts before jogging over to where Mat and his sisters were on the porch. 
“Do I hear my Cassidy?” Cass could hear her mom inside, walking down the hallway with Noah and Mat before she ran into her by her old bedroom. “It’s me, Mom!” Cass said excitedly, hugging her mom. Mat initially went for another handshake, but she shooed it away, embracing him. “We’re huggers in this family,” she said by way of explanation, pulling away after a moment. “Ysabel Cabrera, so nice to finally meet you, Mat.” 
Mat smiled. “It’s great to finally meet you too.”
Ysabel pointed down the hall. “Noah’s got bunk beds, so you’ll be with him in there, it’s the last door on the left. Cass, I trust you still can find your room.”
“Yes, mamá,” Cass said, rolling her eyes. “See you in a few, chou.” He kissed her on the cheek, under the watchful eye of her mom, and followed Noah down the hall. 
---
Two hour later, Mat and Cass were cuddled together on the living room couch, his arm slung around her as they half-watched reruns of Parks & Rec. “D’you just want to do presents now?” He asked, looking down at her. “Because I know we’ve got plans tomorrow, and I don’t see how it really matters if we’re not going to be together Christmas Day.”
Cass looked up. “Uh, sure, if you want?” 
“Meet you back in a minute,” Mat said, hopping off of the couch and disappearing down the hall. Cass rolled her eyes, walking into her room, grabbing the envelope, and returning to the living room. Mat got up when she entered, proudly handing her a surprisingly well-wrapped present. 
“You look very pleased with your work,” Cass noted, laughing. 
“I watched a Youtube tutorial,” Mat admitted, “but did you know that there’s so much that goes into folding neat corners? It’s practically an art!”
“I’ll take you word for it,” Cass said, handing him his envelope. “Open yours first.”
Mat sat back down, running his thumb through the flap and pulling out a coupon. He looked at it quizzically for a minute. “Beer delivery?”
“Craft beer delivery,” Cass corrected pointedly. “Because I don’t want you to have to resort to Natty Light ever again. I saw your fridge, it’s actually the worst. You need taste, babe.” Mat snorted. “And they deliver to Canada, so you don’t have to worry about missing out on the offseason.” 
“I love it, pretty girl,” Mat said, kissing her. “Now open yours.” Cass carefully popped the corners open, unfolding the wrapping paper. My Beloved World - Sonia Sotomayor. “You said once that you really admire her, and I didn’t see it on your bookshelf, so I thought you’d like it.”
“I do, I love it. I love that you remembered even more,” Cass added. 
But Mat wasn’t done. “Open it,” he said expectantly.
Confused though she was, Cass opened the cover of the book. “It’s...signed? She said softly, reverently tracing her fingers over the inscription. 
“Yeah.” Mat went on, explaining, “I found it in this little bookstore in Brooklyn, and knew I had to get it for you. Knew what it would mean to you.”
“It’s incredible. You’re incredible. I can’t believe you’d do something like that for me.” 
Their foreheads touched. “Why wouldn’t I?” Mat whispered. “It’s for you.” 
And in that moment, there was nothing anyone could do to take away how happy that made her feel. How happy he made her feel. 
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btsandvmin · 5 years ago
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Collection of asks 2 - BTSandVMIN
I had to make a second one because the length of the first one was getting way too long. If you are curious about some of my older asks here is the link to my first collection post - Collection of asks - BTSandVMIN
I have this post because I feel some of the asks I answer are worth saving, for me personally, and perhaps for you as well. But I don’t want to put them all in my Masterpost where I want to keep it a bit more structured for my longer posts and analysis. So for asks that are more about answering specific questions or about general things or my feelings I will put them here.
Asks are written more in the moment than my usual posts, so they might be less accurate as it’s all mostly from the top of my head. The newest ones will actually be on top, and then they will get older going down the list. I’ll update it regularly as I answer more asks. :)
Look at jhope's interaction with maknae line
Sorry for spamming with asks
You're so right about how any ship can be possible if you focus on it
I reject any idea of a couple being pushed to protect another 
What do you think of vmin’s busan forehead kiss?
About tae changing the choreo of fake love
What do you think of that famous ji/kook trip together ?
"Friends" doesn't speak about a friendship to me and the title seems like a way to "hide" the true meaning. Thoughts?
I honestly do feel his "best" friend is only ever needed when it's convenient to him
When j/k wore matching shirts asked them something like are u guys dating Its so differnt from his rn to vmin
Looking at th and jm for what they are or represented to be their bond shouldn't be taken at face value. Just reminding that jealousy amongst bandmates do exist
Jimin kissed tae on the pretext of kissing tanny. tae blanked out for a few secs after that
Jin in Jimins Festa profile this yr called Tae his "Bf" and then the next word is "best friend"
I dont think vmin or any other ship in bts for that matter are in any form of relationship right now.
Kind of agree with vmin not spending much time together outside of work & things they do/say barely even give off that "possibly a couple" vibe in general
IF feelings are involved, who do you think fell first and why? 
You already said that you ship them, but do you think that they're real?
I found it kinda weird how jimin apparently "didn't know" 4 o'clock was inspired by him
Have u seen that one radio interview in the past Th openly called out jm for liking men? 
We never see them hangout tgt I mean we have seen ji/kook tgt more often and tae with his wooga squad
What did you think about jimin playing the video game using tae's acc while the latter looked from behind?
When tae posted 'lets keep going for a long time i only have u' they probably only knew e/o for about 2 yrs and now we also know that at that time they still argued and fought with e/o alot. Yet they felt so strongly for their frienship.
What are your thoughts about tae choosing " my time " to recommend it to a non army.
If we look at their personalities tae is more of introverted and shy these days while jimin is more outgoing and loud. But when it comes the them jimin is always the one who seems cautious
Is it my imagination or is Jimin VERY loud lately? I feel like the roles have somehow been reversed.
The timeline of the dumpling incident really confuses me. 
Why do i feel like vmin dont hangout outside of work anymore
Just read your ji/kook vs vmin post regarding festa and I agree. you can tell that jm gets very serious when it comes to tae
A possible sexual relationship between Jimin and Tae. I've seen subtle hints where this might be happening behind the scenes like the recent bang bang con
Whenever joon says stuff like 'what a nice friendship/bcoz he is your friend' vmin have a very neutral or blank face
When do you think their friendship turned into something more?
Did u see how tae coloured jimin's name on the soft board with purple. 
Jimin recently in this festa says jk is his soul brother
Nj nearly always tries to underplay vmin's bond.
Sweet Night: “Sharing my fragile truth That I still hope the door is open Door' 
I feel like jimin was reluctant to talk about the dumpling incident probably bcoz it involves him getting drunk?
Your opinion on the whole "that's smth a couple would do" "you two look like a couple" for ji/kook vs "it's cause he's your friend "
What ur opinion is on the new kdrama that is based on homosexuality. 
Tae has many a times mentioned wanting to have kids or wanting to be father.
Taehyung has always talked about having a family, children and wife etc. 
I personally feel the maknae line in general have been advised not to do lives alone tgt bcoz of the intense shipping
I spend hours reading your posts and I could never get tired of it
I have a doubt about vmin  recently V is so close to JK it seems like V avoiding jimin
Taehyung talked about the movie Call Me by Your Name and its soundtrack
I honestly like how unpopular vmin are.
Let's say JM and TH have other partners - do you think said partners would be okay with a whole song of vmin declaring each other as soulmates? 
In the end there is no moment that is unique to a ship. do you agree?
Some vlives are arranged by the company and sometimes members themselves when the find free time they go live. 
What was the point of making a decision tght to come on vlive tgh infront of the fan to then not do it?
It cant be the company stopping v and jm from doing a live can it? 
Do you the think the reason vmin dont do vlive is because taehyung's feelings are one sided?
Theory on a possible reason on why vmin has not gone to do a vlive on their own for so long?
On bon voyage 3 j hope mentions how v and jk were hugging each other in their sleep.
Ji/kook is obvious (ear nibble) and Tae reacting blank to Vmin moments
But why they dont have funny bro handshake like v/kook?
You are so delusional like seriously how do you function in real life
You know how vmin called eo soulmates. The term can also be taken in a platonic way too right
If there’s a real ship in bts, can you give me your opinion on who?
Tae kissing jimin's cheek after they won an award in some music show (About ship edits)
I think vmin is real. Can you do a Sweet night analysis because in my opion the song dosen't match with the drama
Why are you a Vmin shipper if you don't think Jimin is gay or at least bisexual? 
I don't blame V and Jimin for not doing Vlive together
You know that blurry picture of vmin in 2014?
Tae and jk seem like the members who are most non straight to u and also that jimin might be straight so then isnt it more possible for t**k***k to be the couple?
Do you think that vmin are straight?
Can you tell me what makes you think jk is not straight
Ppl connect sweet night and 4 o' clock with vmin After tae's live yesterday n i m also seeing some ppl being offended by it.
Why do I sense that Tae has more of crush on Jimin (and realized it) but Jimi is oblivious?
Will you still publish that long vmin and lgbt in korea analysis.
Even namjoon said they should go live to discuss about their song.
I dont really consider minjoon vlive as one they did themselves. it was mostly organised by the company
Maknae line avoid vlives and  its really weird that jimi would do it with rm but not tae
Shouldnt it be easy for them to go live tght than anyone else?
Tae is very reluctant or scared to do a vlive with jimin
In the past month when vmin did mention about the song they just made superficial comments
Hi 💙 do you write vmin fics?
I also feel that jm is nervous to talk about the song even though he said he will in the comeback show
If jimin doesn't go live today as well maybe we can get a vmin live?
Vmin antis say vmin are not friends irl and use the fact that they are never spotted hanging out offscreen as "proof"
Will you do a Vmin throwback - 2019?
Can we even be considered delulu anymore for thinking not all of this is a coincidence?
Sweet night doesn't really fit the couple relationship in the drama
What do you mean when you say 'not being delulu'?
I dont know why after listening to sweet night i feel very nervous?
Maybe the lyrics to SN are very well just about the drama/webtoon.
Do you think the songs lie and stigma are related ? 
Namjoon talking about Friends 2 - Making excuses
Namjoon talking about Friends 1 - Can’t write about them
About the “Hello my alien” line in Friends
Do you think they gone do fansing this period of promoting?
Jm said when he wants to make and gift a song if he finds someone he loves and he actually helped write n produce the melody of chingu
Omg Ive been crying over the vmin song lyrics ever since they came out.
Thoughts about the song and what you took out of it
Its not a light hearted thing to call each other soulmate
This kind of debunks the christmas song theory
 i feel sad like they are commercialising their friendship
Jimin is partly involved in the making and it will be about Jimin and Tae’s bond
I fear that vmin will become the next larry 
Chrismats song, smile awards. Arent those awards previously decided and even the words written for them by the company?
I was wondering if you're going to write something about bv4 and all the vmin we got there
Do you think that vmin say they love each other truly or for fan service?
Recently i watched a vkook video to compare
Do you know how exactly vmin met?
Whenever I do get the chance to focus on Vmin it’s usully one of three things
At the airport Tae had his arm around Jimin's shoulder but removed it quickly when they arrived in front of the cameras.
I don’t care if people don’t ship Vmin romantically. But with Vmin doing things like this you can’t really blame us if we do.
I got a looooot of asks on the Christmas song and I will adress the ones I have left all in one go
The reaction in bv was probably cause he wants to visits there and jm got there first
Vmin talked about tannie and how they went to visit tannie at tae's parents house
Just do it how you feel comfortable, we are waiting for your analysis
What video is the gif you post with this : Jimin and V talking about going to the Sapporo snow festival and playing in the snow together 
This break was an opportunity for them to be around other friends and family so maybe they just wanted to spend this time apart
Do you really think vm are soulmates? Sometimes i feel like we might be over using this word for them 
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Once again thank you for all the asks you send! And also sorry for not being able to keep up and answer them all. I’ll try to answer some old ones as well whenever I can, and I will keep adding some of them to this list. I hope you found something interesting. Thanks for reading!
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grimweaver · 5 years ago
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                                                            ~*~
           Lucien leaned back again and closed his eyes as he sipped his tea, with a hum going out with a long and low exhale through his nostrils. After some time of wrapping his head around this revelation, within the uncomfortable silence that fell between us, his eyes shot open and stared up at me over the rim of his cup, ablaze and sharp with anticipation for a further explanation.
           I wet my lips and heaved out the rest:
           “On the 16th of Sun’s Dawn, Year 409, father attended a Hearts Day Celebration at Castle Cheydinhal. It had been seven years since we lost mother to an untimely death— from a respiratory illness that she had developed as a consequence of prolonged confinement in the coal mines of Eastmarch during a Fighters Guild quest. Being a widow and single father for that long was beginning to weigh his spirits down, so he went with the innocent intention of finding someone who would make a good wife and mother. All was well and promising for a while, but it took a horrible turn near the end. While he was in the library, conversing with the countess, he blacked out. For a time, the only thing he could recall happening after that was waking up in one of the guest rooms
 lying next to the still sleeping Llathasa.”
           Lucien responded with another low, growling noise into his tea as he sipped it again.
           “After a great deal of agonizing and trying to figure out how the hell it all happened, father left for home that very morning. During the trip back, he started to remember some things that happened between the library and waking up— that he was overcome by what he called a ‘waking dream’—though fully conscious, all reason and fear of consequences left him, responding only to his
 um
  attraction to Llathasa. It became clear to him that, during this event, someone must’ve slipped something into one of the wine barrels that altered the minds of all who consumed it—Sanguine mischief most likely, since that prince of sexual deviousness has his goons cause chaos of that nature on Hearts Day every year.”
           “Sounds like a logical conclusion to me,” he heaved, sitting up straight to eat from his plate with the usual aristocratic grace. His brow sank over his puzzled eyes. “Where was Andel all that time?”
           “I have no idea. Obviously, wherever he was, it was not where he could’ve intervened or discovered them together. Anyway
 I’m sure you’ve done the math in your head already, but that was roughly nine months before Farwil was born. During that time, father avoided Castle Cheydinhal out of fear and guilt, but was compelled to return when we received the ‘exciting’ announcement that Lady Llathasa was finally with child, and that we were invited to stay in the castle to be a part of the celebration of his birth. Knowing that he was the real father of the child, he insisted on being there, no matter how awkward it was going to be for him or Llathasa. It was his son.”
           “I understand the compulsion, but if I were in his boots I would not’ve brought my children with me. What if Andel knew and had his guards ready to ambush and send him to the executioner’s block?”
           “He was assured that he didn’t. Llathasa included a secret message in the invitation that was sent out to him. It said: ‘He’s your son. Andel doesn’t know’.”
           “Hmm
 and how did you come to know all of this?”
           “I overheard a conversation between him and my eldest sister, Ruthandra. It was on the evening we returned from one of our visits with the Indarys family. Thirst woke me up, and as I went downstairs to fetch water from the well, I was stopped by their voices; there was a tension in them that piqued my interest, so I stopped and listened carefully as he spilled it all out. I was old enough to put a few pieces of the conversation that I heard together and understand that he had fathered Farwil.” I stopped to soothe my dry and tightened throat with more tea. “I remember just sitting there at the bottom of the stairs and staring out the window of the back door, just trying to comprehend what I had just heard. By the time I had realized father was about to walk right past me, on his way to his bedroom, it was too late to scamper up the stairs unnoticed. When he inquired about why I was up so late, I told him it was for water and admitted that I had overheard what he told Ruthandra. He wasn’t happy about it, but he answered me truthfully when I asked if Farwil is our little brother—leaving out explicit details, of course. He told me that Andel should never suffer the knowledge of the truth, so that he may remain until his last breath in blissful belief that his wife had bedded with no other man and Farwil is his flesh-and-blood son. He made me promise to keep it a family secret, and I have for over twenty years. You’re the first person I’ve shared this with.” I reached down to grab more snacks from the plate, but it was completely empty— I had been absently munching on them throughout the whole story. Catching my breath after exhausting my voice, I just went quiet for a while and waited for him to reply.
   “Malkhai,” he said, looking directly into my eyes with deep sincerity. “I promise that this secret will be safe with me. And
 don’t you fret any about breaking the promise to your father. It’s like you said—it is a family secret. You and I are family.”
           I smiled weakly. “I wish I could say it makes me feel better. But there are still anxious thoughts about Andel—he’s never confronted me about it but
 it’s so obvious that he at least knows that Farwil was fathered by someone else. My theory is that, before understanding the situation, he performed the Black Sacrament to have a Llathasa’s accident staged by a Dark Brotherhood assassin, which is why he is now bound to a lifelong obligation to us.” I leaned forward and looked directly into his eyes. “Would I be correct... Lucien ?”
           The corner of his mouth stretched into a sinister grin as he narrowed his eyes and chuckled, “It would certainly seem to be the case, wouldn’t it?” He laced his fingers together over his wide, toothy smile as he chuckled again, “As much as I would like to take credit for that work, I must be honest and say that I was not involved in her death
 none of our Brothers or Sisters were, in fact.”
           “But
 then for whom did Andel perform the Black Sacrament?”
           “A political rival, and that’s all I’m going to say.” Lucien’s brow sank again, struck by the memory of what was said back in Taneth. “Hmmm
 but I do wonder
 thinking back on what Farwil said about Llathasa lamenting at the chapel
 if it was all an accident, why would she say she had ‘hurt a friend in a way she feared can never be forgiven’?”
           “That confuses me too,” I said. “At this point, the only way we’ll ever know is if I unearth more of those private letters or father can explain it himself
 if I ever find him.” A sudden dreadful thought entered my mind, twisting knots in my chest. With much reluctance, I asked Lucien “Please tell me
 did the Dark Brotherhood make my father disappear?”
           Lucien shook his head immediately, looking straight into my eyes again as he said “I swear to all the Powers of the Void, we were not involved in his disappearance either.”
           “Oh good!!” I breathed out with a sigh of relief. “Because that would’ve made things even more complicated than they already are.” I pondered a little while, scratching my chin. “Still, it doesn’t rule out the possibility of Andel’s involvement.” I grinned, then flirtatiously folded my arms under my chest and leaned inward. “Gee
 I sure wish I knew someone who could do some thorough, investigative work in the castle to find any clues that would either confirm or deny that theory. I’ll be sure to make it worth the effort and risk, once I am in a... position to do so.”
           "Considering what he'll risk," Lucien replied, taking in a deep breath and hiding a bashful grin behind his cup as he sipped more tea. “That someone would have to consult his superior first, I'm sure
 but this matter must be set aside for now. We need to keep our focus on our current task.”
           “Right
 which means that we need to get adequate sleep soon,” I looked over at the large bed in the corner, through the protective rail made with scrapped Ayleid doors, torturing myself with a vision of us between those silky red sheets.
           “Yes. I suppose, since it's already well past midnight, I'll have to let you go back to the guildhall.” Lucien replied. He then followed my gaze and read the longing in it well, then said with an aggravated sigh, “You know how much I wish I could ask you to stay.”
           “I do, but I know why you cannot. But... as much as I disagree with the reasoning, I will respect it.”
           “Thank you. I can’t say that I don’t share your frustration, but you need to understand the Listener’s restrictions as a necessary measure. In the past, our enemies have gone as far as marrying a member of the Black Hand in order to infiltrate the organization, and have done so successfully multiple times. Also, there is the concern of a relationship opening the doors of favoritism and manipulation. The Listener needs to know that it is through your own talents and skills that you have achieved high ranks and rewards, not because I gave you an unfair advantage.”
           “The marriage part I understand just fine, but not even being allowed to... “ I shook my head and grumbled. “I’m sorry, but I think that’s insane.”
           Lucien heaved a heavy, gravely breath as he shot me a warning glare.
           "And... um... I'm just going to stop there... before I say anything else I'll probably regret," I said, averting my eyes as I stood up.
           “Wise decision.” He replied, rising also and fetching my bag and cowl for me.
           “So... um
 what are you going to tell the Listener if he asks you why you chose me to play the student?” I asked him.
           “The truth, of course: you’re strong enough to bear the weight of all those metal pieces, and you’re the only one that possesses the right... hmm
 aesthetic qualities .” He answered—heaving a gravely, longing breath. I could almost feel his touch as he eyed me up and down, and it sent another fiery wave through my body.
           We then departed the way we had greeted— with some uneasiness, he slowly closed the short distance between us and placed his hands upon my shoulders. This time the kisses he gave each cheek were a little longer, and he couldn’t resist taking the perfume in again as he kissed the left check. He tilted his head slightly to the right, almost giving into the temptation to kiss my lips. With his mouth only a couple inches away from mine, he half-whispered: “Rest well, Malkhai .”
           “You too, Lucien ,” I replied with a slightly trembling voice.
           LaChance opened the door and bowed his head as I left through it, putting the cowl back on and pulling the handle of the bag over my shoulder. I turned around for one last exchange of smiles, without a further word, and exited the apartment building.
           The streets were still crowded, but since the vendors were closed there was less resistance in the straight path from Sisters of the Sands to the Mages Guildhall— I just had to be extra mindful of my steps because of all the garbage and pools of drunkard heaves on the ground. As unpleasant as it was, I would take waste hazard maze over the uncomfortable situation that awaited me at the guildhall. Even if he had declared that he had no authority over me, arousing Farwil’s anger could have terrible consequences for everyone else.
           The tension inside cooled when it seemed like everyone had retired to their respective sleeping quarters and were well into their sleep. But, no more than a few seconds after ease washed over me, I heard a voice growl from the black shadows of the wide hallway: “Where the hell have you been??”
End of Part XIII
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breanime · 6 years ago
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Heartworm (Part One)
Guess who got her internet baaccccck! This gal! So @songtoyou sent me this request and I IMMEDIATELY started getting ideas. This could be up to or past 5 parts, I don’t even know! It all depends if you guys like it and want more! This is kind of a soft re-imagining of season 2.
Request:  How about instead of Billy going to his stupid psychiatrists place to seek refuge, he goes to the home of a girl who he was in a serious relationship with. Like, this girl is the only person Billy could ever see himself settling down with. However, once he got money, status, and power from Rawlins he pushed her to the side and eventually dropped her from his life. But once she sees the state Billy is in and how sad, scared and alone he is she wants to help him.
Part One is based on Halsey’s Without Me, particularly these lyrics:  
Found you when your heart was broke I filled your cup until it overflowed Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close) I was afraid to leave you on your own
I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All) And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you can take advantage of me
*gif not mine* (I gotta stop using this gif lol)
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You stood frozen in your living room, eyes glued on the TV. The news was saying that Billy, your Billy, was a murderous traitor and a danger to society. You watched as they showed footage of Billy’s apartment up in flames. They said he bombed it himself after killing a handful of Homeland Security agents, they also said that he hired mercenaries for his Anvil staff. The government seized his assets. He shot Curtis in the shoulder. He knew about Frank’s family. He set them up to be killed. Billy. Your Billy.
Except he wasn’t your Billy anymore; he hadn’t been your Billy for three years. You sat down on the couch, legs numb with shock, as you took in what the newscaster was saying about your ex-boyfriend, the only man you’ve ever loved. They flashed a picture of him on the screen. The caption read: “Armed and Dangerous, Do Not Approach”. The newscaster was saying something about Homeland and Frank going after Billy, but it was all starting to sound like white noise to you. Your mind said to get out of town and run until it was all over, but your heart wanted to reminisce, wanted to remind you why you even cared in the first place.
“
and I’m gonna have a Rolls Royce,” Billy said, one arm behind his head and the other wrapped around your waist, “I’m gonna drive it to meetings, rich assholes love a power play.”
You smiled up at Billy, you loved listening to his grand plans for the future. “Are you gonna be a pocket square kind of rich asshole or a ‘Maureen, hold my calls’ kind of rich asshole?”
“Mm,” Billy pulled you closer to his naked chest, “I’m gonna be a pocket square kind of asshole,” he answered, “that’s the best way to run a business.”
“Of course,” you agreed, snuggling up against him, “you’re gonna be a big shot. And I’m gonna have to make an appointment with Maureen just to see you.”
Billy tsked and put a finger on your chin, lifting your face so you were eye-to-eye. “That ain’t never gonna happen,” his dark eyes bore into yours, “I’ll always have time for you.”
You smiled and pressed your lips against his. You felt Billy’s arms tighten around you, lifting you up until you were laying on top of him. You kissed him again, slowly parting your lips, inviting his tongue into your waiting mouth. His eyes were heavy-lidded with lust when you pulled back. You rubbed your nose against his. “I love you.”
His smile made your chest heave with adoration. “I love you too, Y/N.” He kissed you again. “I promise I’m gonna make you proud one day, baby. I’m gonna get us outta this shit hole and out you somewhere nice, where you belong.”
You shrugged. Money and status meant a lot to Billy, meant success, but you were happy enough where you were. Yeah, your apartment was kind of small, and yeah, the heat stopped working every few months, but you’d lived in worst places. Besides, you had Billy. He made you so unbelievably happy; you could have lived in a cave—as long as Billy was with you, you’d be fine. “You know I’m already proud of you,” you told him, “You’ve accomplished so much already.”
“Mm,” Billy kissed the top of your head, “I can do more.” He kissed your nose. “I’m gonna get this security shit together.” He kissed your right eyelid. “I’m gonna get us a place uptown.” He kissed your left eyelid. “And I’m gonna make it so you don’t ever have to work again.” You sighed as he kissed your cheek next. “I ain’t gonna let anyone look down on us anymore.” He kissed your other cheek. “I’m gonna make you so happy, baby.” You felt yourself melt when he finally kissed you on the lips. “I’m gonna take care of us


I’m gonna take care of you.”
You turned the TV off, cradling the remote to your chest. You felt your breath getting shallower and casually recognized your erratic heartbeat. You didn’t know what to do. You believed the news—you weren’t sure about the details, but you knew Billy well enough to know that he would do anything for power. You had seen the change that money bought him firsthand, and you didn’t like it at all. You thought about calling Curtis, but you didn’t want to bother him. He was probably up to his neck in cops and paperwork and
Homeland Security, apparently. You wondered how it came to this. Frank was alive. Billy was a wanted man. Curtis was wounded. And you
were alone.
You spent the night on the couch, too numb and confused to get up. You dreamt of Billy and woke up shivering. You got up and made yourself a cup of coffee. Your phone was on the counter, and you frowned as you picked it up. You had missed calls from your mom, your best friend, your boss, and your sister. You had no desire to speak to any of them. You also had a call and voicemail message from an unknown number. Hitting the speaker button, you played the message.
“You’re gonna hear some things on the news.” Billy. “They’re true. I
I did all those things they say I have. By the time you get this message, I’m either gonna be on the run or dead.” It sounded like he took a breath before continuing. “I wanted to see you before I go, but
that’s not gonna happen. So just
 Just know that I
” A sigh. “
I think about you all the time. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, a lot of bad choices, done a lot of shitty things, but
 I only regret one thing: letting you go. I wish
 I should have fought for you more. I should have
” There was some shuffling, and you thought Billy might have put the phone down for a moment. “Listen, they’re gonna say a lot of things about me, and people are gonna try to tell you that I’m heartless and evil, but I want you to remember
You loved me once. You’re the only one I could ever be honest with, the only person in this world who knows who I am. Just
 Remember that. And
 I’m sorry, Y/N. Goodbye.”
You stood in your kitchen and listened to Billy’s message for at least another 30 minutes. By the time you went back to the couch and turned the TV on, Billy was pronounced near-death and was being kept under constant surveillance at the hospital. Frank Castle was said to be ‘in the wind’ and Anvil was being torn down and all the profits split up. The news interviewed a medical professional about the chances of Billy making any kind of recovery. They predicted he would be dead in six months.
You turned the TV off and wept.
It had been nearly a year since everything went down with Billy. The coverage for Billy’s case had pretty much stopped after a month, and people were onto the next scandal now. Curtis had stopped by your place and told you that Frank left town. The visit had been brief, but he told you what Billy had done—confirming what you’d heard on the news—and said that his orders had come from someone named Rawlins. Rawlins, you understood, was dead. Curtis had word from Frank to tell you that he had been given a new identity by the government and was going to hit the road for a while. When you asked why he’d want you to know that, Curtis had just said: “you needed to know it was over”. You should have felt anger, or pity or sadness but
 you felt nothing. You had been operating on auto-pilot, swimming in a thick fog of numbness, since Billy had been arrested. The last thing you could remember feeling, really feeling, was a deep and intense sorrow when you listened to Billy’s message. He had broken your heart, left you, and then revealed himself to be a monster and you
You were just tired.
“I don’t know what you want me to say Y/N,” Billy’s back was to you. You had barged into his office at Anvil, demanding to see him, but now that you were there
 The way he was talking to you was cold and detached. His stance was rigid, his focus was on the recruits below him, not on you. This Billy—CEO Billy—was not what you had signed up for.
“I want you to say you’re sorry,” you said, “I want you to say you care.” Billy didn’t say anything. You clenched your fists. “Look at me, Billy.”
He turned. He was wearing an expensive three-piece suit and his hair was impeccably cut. His eyes, the eyes you loved, the eyes that looked at you with such care and affection, were hollow.
“What happened to you?” You asked, looking him up and down with disgust. “You never come home, you barely spend any time with me—”
“What do you want, Y/N?” He said, irritation clear in his voice. “I’m busy. I’m working. I’m trying to afford the penthouse we live in and the car you drive.”
“I bought my own car,” you reminded him, eyes narrowed as you glared at him, “And I work, too, but I make time for the people I love.”
Billy sighed, rolling his shoulders. “I told you, you don’t have to work.”
You sighed then. He was missing the point. “Billy,” you tried again, “I’m tired of this. I can’t keep being an afterthought for you. I need you.” You tried to look in his eyes, but he avoided your gaze. “I miss you.”
Billy walked over to you and put a hand on your waist. He pulled you towards him and kissed you. “I miss you, too,” his voice was husky as he moved his lips to your neck, “I know I’ve been working a lot lately, but we’re so close
”
You closed your eyes. You wanted to have a conversation, but it was hard to think of words—let alone form any—with his mouth on your skin. “Will you come home tonight?” You asked, breath short and voice heavy with lust.
“Mm hmm,” his hand slid to your ass as he kissed you again, “I’m gonna be all yours tonight.” He licked into your mouth and smiled when you moaned.
You felt his hardness pressing against your front and you deepened the kiss. “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” you whispered.
Billy chuckled and released you from his grip. You glared as you watched him walk over to his desk. He pressed a button on his phone and leaned over to speak. “Hold all my calls,” he ordered, smirking over at you, “I don’t want any calls or interruptions for the next hour.” He walked past you and you heard him lock the door behind you. His eyes were gleaming when he turned back to you and he looked like himself, like your Billy, again. His smile made your heart skip a beat. “Take your clothes off, baby. I want to spend some time with you.”
You sat up with a start. It had been months since you’d last dreamt of Billy. You looked around you and cursed under your breath. You had fallen asleep on the couch. No wonder you were off. You hadn’t been able to have a full night’s rest without sleep aids since
since Billy had left that message on your phone. If you didn’t take a pill before you went to bed, you would dream about Billy. You didn’t want to dream about him, you wanted to ignore the ache in your chest and the emptiness in your life and just
 Get over it. Get over him. You felt a headache coming on, so you shuffled to the bathroom for a quick shower before bed.
Your mind kept going back to Billy as you got ready for bed; you remembered the strain in his voice in the message he left you, how he used to laugh when you stuck your cold feet on his back, the way he stared down at you as he shifted inside you, driving you wild. You could see his eyes, dark and expressive and so full of love when he looked at you, every time you closed your eyes. You gave up on sleep and went back to the couch, deciding to just spend the night watching horrible night time TV until you could get Billy out of your head.
You were finally getting into the Real Housewives marathon you had been watching when you heard a knock on your door. You glanced at your phone: it was 11 pm. Who the hell would be at your door at this time? You grabbed your phone in case you needed to call the police and stood on your tip-toes to look into the peephole. Your mouth fell open at the same time your phone hit the floor with a dull thump.
Billy Russo was standing in the hallway of your apartment. And he was covered in blood.
*************************************************************************************
I have the next two parts locked and loaded! Pleaaase comment and let me know if you want the rest. The more feedback I get, the more I update! Thanks for reading, and may Billian be with you.
BTW, I got the title from this “emotion that’s hard to describe word”:  Heartworm: a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smoldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.
TAGLIST: @delicatelilyflower @doneobrien @ladyblablabla @banditthewriter @something-tofightfor  @starsfragments @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @hisgirlwednesdayaddams@fictionwillneverdie @maria-beretta @sadnessxvodka @ymariejp @sunnycolors @moonlightsay @its-all-o-kay @damagelove @keyeluh @itsmylife98 @funerals-with-cake @littlemermaidprobz @teacuplotus @king4thesirens @mrsjaxtellerfan @thebabblingbook @tartelette-aux-fraises @madamrogers  @charlylama @iaintnofurry​ @k-buggz2001​ @whitewolfslittlesilverfox @drinix @elanor-of-imladris @floralpeaceofmind
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t0ngue-tech · 6 years ago
Text
A Whirlwind Summer
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“’You’re y/n, right? Jisoo’s friend.’ Taehyung asked nonchalantly.
‘Yeah, I am and you’re Taehyung.’ You replied, placing two dollar bills and a small cluster of coins on the palm of his hand.
‘That’s me.’”
↠highschoolAU(obviiii) fluff n’ angst, lots of dialogue if yall dont mind huhu↞
word count: 15k oh my god
↠oneshot↞
a/n: THE LAST TIME I UPLOADED WAS IN DECEMBER HOLY BALLS IM SORRY LOL. ive been writing this on and off for about two months and im so happy to have finally finished it. i hope you guise like it ^-^
Summer was supposed to be two months filled with late nights and lots of leisure reading. You had plans to finally finish a book series that you started at the beginning of the year and of course, you made sure to make time in your busy schedule to hang out with Jisoo.
It was two weeks into summer and you didn’t touch the series you planned to read because your mother thought it would be a good idea to come home from work one day with a bunch of applications for a summer job. You told her that you wanted to start working in college where you were allowed to work on campus and she didn’t mind at all, so when she handed you the stack of applications, you were confused.
“It’s only for the summer, sweetheart. And after this you have some work experience.” Was her reasoning and you knew you couldn’t say no.
After filling out the applications and going to a few interviews, you ultimately decided to work at a cozy ice cream parlour that was located across the park you frequented.
It was early evening which meant there weren’t as much people coming into the parlour. Jisoo was waiting with you to finish because she was going to sleepover at your house. You didn’t drive, so Jisoo was also your ticket home instead of you making the fifteen minute walk back to your house.
“Lighten up, y/n. Sure, your summer may have been ever-so-slightly ruined, but you get free ice cream, so who’s the real winner here?” Jisoo turned a page from her book and sipped on a rootbeer float you prepared for her.
“I have books I’d rather read.”
“But you’re getting paid now! And more money means more books!”
As much as you didn’t want to admit it, Jisoo was right. Instead of verbally admitting it, you took away her rootbeer float and with that, you two jokingly bickered over your slight stubbornness.
The familiar jingle from the entrance door rang and a boy you both knew walked in with three kids who seemed over-excited to be there.
The boy was Kim Taehyung and the only reason why you knew him was because Jisoo had mentioned him a few times and how his friends were always hanging out near the bleachers, blastic music through speakers during lunch and after school. You never spoke to him and you’ve never really gotten in close proximity with him until now. He mumbled something to the kids he was with and strided over the Jisoo who seemed less enthusiastic about the conversation. The kids ran up to the glass that shielded the ice cream flavours and they easily distracted you from focusing on whatever he was talking about with Jisoo.
“At least just think about it.” Taehyung slowly walked towards the register where you were punching in his total.
“Five dollars and thirty-two cents.” You squeezed into his one-sided conversation.
Quietly, he reached into his wallet and brought out the exact change, recounting the cents over and over just to make sure it was correct.
“Jisoo, just think about it and if not, I’ll just relay the message to him—thank you.” He gently plucked the receipt from your hand and gathered the kids who were happily eating their dessert.
“Fine.” Jisoo sighed, not looking up from her book. Taehyung breathed a quiet thank you to her and motioned the kids towards the door.
Before you could even ask, Jisoo answered your question for you.
“I swear, Seo Joon needs to run his errands himself instead of making Taehyung do it.” She slammed her book shut. “I already told him that I don’t want to get back together.”
“Didn’t you two break up like two months ago?” You asked.
“Yes! Since he thought it was a good idea to ‘fake break up’ with me as a dare or whatever, then he’s going to have to deal with the consequences.”
“Spicy.” You commented.
“Exactly. Now, another refill on that rootbeer float because god knows I need it.”
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
A new week, yet the same routine. You woke up that morning, did your usual morning rituals, and walked down to the ice cream parlour with an audiobook playing through your earphones.
Hours ticked on and families came and went, looking for a cold oasis in the heat. You were on the floor with your manager that afternoon and luckily you got along just fine with him.
An elderly woman who introduced herself as Mrs. Song was a regular at the parlour since she was a teenager. So, when she saw a new face, your face in particular, she was elated.
She came into the parlour with her caretaker every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. They sat at the same seats near the counter and ate the same flavour every visit; mint chip for the caretaker and neapolitan for Mrs. Song.
Mrs. Song was a sweet old lady who easily forgets a lot of things. Whenever she saw you and Jisoo, she would always refer to you two as “sweetheart” or “deary”; you loved it whenever she called you that.
The parlour wasn’t as busy except for a few members from the city’s little league came in with their parents. Mrs. Song was reading through a newspaper and her caretaker had her nose inside of a book. You had just finished sweeping from behind the register when the bell of the entrance door rang when a familiar dark haired boy walked in with three younger kids who seemed high in spirits.
Taehyung was a stranger to you, so you weren’t looking for any sort of conversation with him. But you did have a feeling that he was probably going to ask you about Jisoo. The three kids sat on the remaining counter seats, waving sweetly at Mrs. Song who seemed excited to see them.
Taehyung approached the casing where the tubs of ice cream were and you were hoping your manager was going to take his order, but after a quick look around the room, he wasn’t present.
Good grief. You set aside the broom and glided towards the ice cream flavors.
“Hello, how can I help you?” The tone of your customer service voice disgusted you.
“Yeah uh, can I have three small cups of cookies and cream, chocolate, and rocky road.” Taehyung hummed as you reached for three cups. “What flavor do you recommend?”
You stared at the flavors for a moment before grabbing the ice cream scooper. “I personally like chestnut praline and brownie crunch.”
He nodded his head and chewed on the inside of his cheek, still indecisive on what flavor he wanted.
“Would you like a sample of both?” You asked.
“Hm, sure.”
You grabbed two plastic spoons and scooped up a tiny portion of each flavor for him to try and as he pondered his choices, you finished up the kids’ orders and set it in front of them.
“I’ll just take brownie crunch in the medium cup, please.” Taehyung spoke whilst throwing away the spoons in the nearby trash can.
As you were scooping the amount into the cup, you glanced at Taehyung who was pulling out a couple of bills out of his wallet. He looked over at the kids who were having a great time listening to Mrs. Song tell a story.
“That’ll be seven dollars and seventy-two cents.” You handed over the cup with a napkin wrapped around it.
Taehyung handed you two five dollar bills and took a bite of his ice cream.
“You’re y/n, right? Jisoo’s friend.” Taehyung asked nonchalantly.
“Yeah, I am and you’re Taehyung.” You replied, placing two dollar bills and a small cluster of coins on the palm of his hand.
“That’s me.” There was a brief moment of silence between you two as he lazily stuffed the change into his pocket. “Well, I’ll see you around. Let’s go guys.”
The three little boys waved goodbye to Mrs. Song and her caretaker. Her eyes lit up as she watched them leave the parlour. She then turned to you and said with a smile, “your boyfriend works well with kids, sweetheart.”
There was no point in telling her otherwise because she was probably not going to remember who Taehyung was the next time she was going to see him. So, you just smiled politely and wiped down the counter with a small towel.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
Your day offs never seemed to recharge your battery to its fullest capacity, but it was enough for you to wind down with a book and an iced tea.
Although today wasn’t one of those days.
It was a warm and slow late afternoon. You were sitting on a stool behind the register, reading one of your books and drinking a milkshake your manager made for you. You were heavily invested in your book that you almost didn’t hear the door open.
To your surprise, Taehyung walked in with his head down and his shoulders dipped forward. As he walked closer to the counter, you noticed multiple splotches of dirt and grass all over his clothes. There was also a fresh gash the size of a golf ball on his knee.
“Holy shit, what happened to you?!” You snapped your book shut with your bookmarker almost sliding out. He was going to take a seat at one of the stools at the counter but you guided him to one of the tables so he has back support.
“My cousin had little league practice and a some of the kids’ chaperones and I decided to have a little game of our own.” Taehyung explained and slowly lifted his injured leg to rest on the second chair you pulled out for him. “I was going for home base and slid towards it as if my life depended on it—I mean, my team won, but at what cost?” He winced as he adjusted himself in the chair.
“Hold on, I’ll get a first aid kit.” You disappeared in the back room and quickly returned with a large white box.
Cleaning up cuts and scratches was a norm for you because of how much time you spent watching your little cousins at the park. It happened so often that it became it habit to carry band aids and alcohol pads in your bag.
“So, where’s your cousin?” You crouched beside him and rummaged through the box.
“He already had plans to play video games at his friend’s house after practice so he went there and I...ended up here.” Taehyung explained squeezing his eyes shut.
“And what brought you here?”
“Honestly, I don’t know. I was just walking and—ow! Fuck!” His entire leg flinched at the sudden contact of his gash and the alcohol pad touching.
“Shit, sorry! I should’ve warned you, I’m so sorry!” On instinct, you blew on his gash to cool down the stinging of the alcohol--something you did for your cousins.
“It’s uh, it’s okay, sorry. You can continue.” Taehyung tightly gripped the hem of his shirt and looked away to brace for impact, so with caution, you proceeded to clean his wound.
There were broken hisses coming from him and he squeezed his hand tighter and tighter until his knuckles ghosted white. You glanced up at him once in a while and pressed your lips together to keep yourself from smiling. This sight was a complete 180 from what you see at school; he walked around with confidence seeping from every pore and right now all confidence disappeared.
“I don’t think there’s any bandage that’s big enough for this.” You moved around some of the objects inside of the first aid kit. “I’ll just patch it up with some gauze okay?” Taehyung weakly nodded his head, still not looking at his knee. In less than five minutes, you had his knee all patched up and ready to go.
“There you go. Just don’t forget to remove the gauze and clean your cut later.” You stood up, trying to not fall over from being crouched over for so long.
Taehyung nodded and when you returned from the back room, he thanked you for coming to his aid. He limped over to where the ice cream was and pondered his choices before ultimately choosing chestnut praline in a medium sized cup.
“Did Jisoo mention anything about Seo Joon?” He asked.
You thought about a few days ago when Jisoo ranted about how she was over Seo Joon and that he wanted nothing to do with him, but you bit your tongue knowing this wasn’t any of your business.
“No, nothing new.” You handed Taehyung his ice cream over the casing.
“Well, if you don’t mind, could you tell her to lay down the line with Seo Joon please? I swear it feels like I talked to her way more than he did.”
You weren’t sure if Taehyung meant to say that outloud because this really wasn’t your business. He stabbed around his ice cream and hopped over to the counter seat. Ever since Jisoo mentioned it, you were curious yourself, so you took the chance to ask him.
“Why does he make you do it instead of doing it himself?”
Taehyung rubbed the back of his neck and you began to regret asking in the first place.
“I don’t...really know why. He asks me to do it and I just do it, I guess.” He simply stated. The tone of his voice sounded hesitant, but you decided not to dwell on it.
You hummed and made sure to receive Taehyung’s payment for the ice cream. You also hoped that this was going to be the last time you were going to have a conversation with him.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
Of course, your hopes were shot down in one blow.
Two days after your encounter with Taehyung, you were working during a mild heatwave. The parlour was busier than normal, but thankfully it was nothing chaotic.
You had just served Mrs. Song her second cup of ice cream and your manager blended you a chocolate banana milkshake, telling you to take a break. The excitement in your eyes was hard to contain as you untied your apron and sat one seat away from Mrs. Song.
She was invested in putting together the same fifty piece puzzle she brought with her every other week, so you scrolled through your phone letting her be.
“Hey.” Taehyung’s voice came from out of nowhere, startling you. “You’re off today?”
“Hi.” You squeaked. “Just on break.”
He set his phone and wallet down in front of the seat next to you and took a five dollar bill as he walked to the register.
Not even five minutes passed and Taehyung slid onto the seat and stuffed his wallet with whatever change he had in his hand. Just at quick glance, you could already tell he ordered another cup of chestnut praline ice cream. Without saying another word, he took a bite out of his dessert and he mindlessly stared at the menu of other items that were sold at the parlour.
You took another quick peek at Taehyung who had the front of his hair tied messily into a short ponytail on the top of his head. The tank top he wore was slightly damp on the backside and his shoulder glistened whenever the sun or the ceiling lights hit it at a certain angle. The weather outside was scorching and you were grateful for being in a closed air-conditioned space.
The milkshake you were drinking was already halfway through and you didn’t even realize it. You were too focused on whether or not you should talk to Taehyung. It still felt awkward for you to start a conversation with him because, to put it simply, you really didn’t know how.
Conversations with Taehyung only happened by chance and out of pure convenience, but this time you weren’t behind the counter to serve him ice cream and he wasn’t writhing in pain from some sort of injury.
Duh, ask about his knee.
“How’s your knee?” You asked shly. Talking to him was also not necessary, but you felt compelled to do so.
He looked down which made your head automatically tilt downward; a layer of what looked to be fresh gauze was wrapped around his right knee.
“I have to limp around because of the gauze but other than that, it’s alright.” He twisted his leg to showcase his bandaged injury. “Thanks again, by the way. My mom thought nearly fainted when I got home.” Taehyung laughed as he said that which gave you leeway to laugh as well.
“Why?”
“She thought I got into a fight during my cousin’s practice especially because of all the dirt on my clothes.” Taehyung laughed with his entire body, almost falling over. “She look mortified. So we went out to buy gauze that night.”
“Your mom sounds like my mom. My mom tends to overreact even when it’s slightest injury.” You smiled to yourself.
“I know what you mean. They’re a bit dramatic, but they mean well.” Taehyung mixed around his ice cream. “It also doesn’t help the fact that I’m an only child, so I’m always getting the lecture ‘Taehyung, you’re my one and only baby blah blah blah.’”
The look on Taehyung’s face looked rather relaxed than annoyed as he said those words. It was a bit scary how you could relate because again, you two were polar opposites. Although, honestly, it was comforting in a way.
“I feel you.” You sighed. “But Jisoo is basically treated like family in my house, so I share those lectures with her.”
Taehyung left the plastic spoon in his mouth for a brief moment before speaking. “It must be great Jisoo has that relationship with your family.” He hung his head as scooped up a small portion of his ice cream.
“But you have Seo Joon, Minho, and the rest of your friends.”
“I--I don’t really invite them over.” He explained quietly and your eyes widened.
“Why not?”
Before Taehyung could answer you, your manager called your name to take over the register because of a conference call he had to take. You purse your lips together and apologized to Taehyung for cutting your conversation short. He waved it off with a smile and continued to feast on his dessert.
As you returned to the register to take an order for a family of five, you side-eyed Taehyung who was leaned towards his right, whispering and smiling with Mrs. Song. Unfortunately, you were too busy focusing on punching in numbers to focus on what they were saying and with Mrs. Song’s memory and imagination, their conversation could’ve been about anything.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
Your next day off fell on the perfect day; the summer heat was bearable so you decided to get yourself a free refreshing milkshake from the ice cream parlour and read a book under a large tree at the park.
Music played through your earphones as you crossed the street with a chestnut praline milkshake in your hand. The summer dress you chose to wear was a peach color made up of a very light material to keep yourself cool; it was also your favorite clothing item.
The park wasn’t overly crowded which was perfect. There were some families having picnics, kids were running all over the playground, and there was a group of people off in the distance. Near the entrance was the most exquisite looking tree that provided the right amount of shade in all angles and you automatically gravitated towards it.
You packed a large blanket in your satchel and as well as a second blanket to cover your legs if you decided to lie down because even if you were wearing safety shorts, you knew better. The slightest breeze, a perfect tree, a milkshake, and a good book made up your day off and you couldn’t be any more happier.
After switching your position a thousand times, you decided to sit cross legged to keep your dress pinned down with your milkshake in between your thighs. You mindlessly played with the tassels that surrounded your blanket and continued to read your book.
The sudden drop of a heavy object next to you scared you out of your wits and the milkshake you secured almost spilt all over your blanket. Heart racing, you looked up to find Taehyung looking down at you with a boxy grin plastered on his face. A skateboard was the object that had dropped on the grass beside you and he then stripped himself of the flannel he was wearing to cover a spot on your blanket for himself to sit on.
“A warning would’ve been nice.” You sighed, placing a hand over your chest. “And you could have just sat on my blanket.”
Taehyung slid his shoes off to imitate your position and sit cross legged as well. “I’m probably covered in dirt. My cousin had practice down there and we decided to have another baseball match.” He moved his limbs around for you take a look at his skin. “No injuries, just dirt.”
“Good.” You smiled and tried to focus on your book, but Taehyung continued to distract you by ripping out the grass beside him. The one thing that didn’t sit right with you was how did Taehyung spot your from all the way on the other side of the park? And even if he was able to recognize you, why was he sitting with you?
“Is that book for school?” He asked, taking a peek at the cover.
“No, just for the joy of reading.” You closed the book realizing there was no way you could stay focused. “Is the little league still practicing?”
“They should be done right about now. The team is going to the community pool and my cousin is sleeping over a friend’s house after.” Taehyung explained. “I was about to leave and then I saw you sitting all the way over here--why are you all the way over here?”
You laughed and took a sip out of your milkshake. “It’s a nice tree to sit under, wouldn’t you agree?”
Taehyung stole the condensated cup out of your hand and proceeded to drag out a long sip of your drink making your jaw hang.
“Yeah, it’s a good spot.” He nonchalantly said before leaning back to lie down. “And that’s a really good drink. Since when could you turn chestnut praline into a milkshake?”
You clenched your fist to stop yourself striking his stomach. “It’s literally on the menu, Taehyung. ‘Turn your favorite flavor into a milkshake.’”
Not a single word was breathed out by Taehyung for about two minutes, which was odd. Maybe it was the right time to continue reading.
“You know,” Taehyung started.
Or maybe not.
“I don’t know why, but it sounded different when you said my name.”
“How?” You scrunch your eyebrows together because what he said made no sense. It was his name. Why would it sound any different? “Did you want me to call you something else?”
“No, no, y/n. ‘Taehyung’ is fine.”
Taehyung never mentioned anything else after that. He laid there with his eyes closed and you didn’t know when, but he fell asleep at some point. You glanced back and forth from your book to him just to check and make sure he was still sleeping. It was difficult to not be hung up over what he mentioned, but if he wasn’t going to expand more on his thoughts then maybe it wasn’t important.
You stayed at the park for almost an hour; you even finished your book. It was tempting to not wake up Taehyung because he looked too peaceful to disturb, but it had to be done. After shaking his leg a few times and quietly calling his name (you were now feeling self conscious about the way you said his name), Taehyung woke up in a hazy state.
Taehyung assisted you in folding up your blanket and before gesturing you to leave first, he said, “see you.”
No “see you tomorrow” or “see you next week” just a plain “see you.” When were you going to see him again? Who knows.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
“Are you sure you don’t need a ride, y/n?” Jisoo handed you a paper bag and you handed her a rootbeer float in return.
You had thirty minutes till 9 pm which meant thirty more minutes till you could finally lock up and go home. Since you worked a long shift, Jisoo agreed to pick up a book from a bookstore that you preordered.
“Yes, Jisoo. It’s a nice night. It’s perfect for walking.” Jisoo blew her bangs upwards, obviously concerned about you walking home so late. “All of the late-night restaurants on this block are still open and I have my emergency whistle.”
You were stubborn, of course, Jisoo knew that first hand. So, she reached over the counter to squish your cheeks together. “Okay, fine. But you better text me when you get home!”
“I-prom-ise.” It was your turn to reach over and squish Jisoo’s cheeks.
“Okay. I have to go.” She released your face and held yours hands instead. “If anything happens—“
“Call you, yes, mom.” You gently pushed her away and laughed. “Just go, Jisoo.”
As Jisoo stepped backwards, she pointed towards her eyes and then towards yours indicating I’m watching you. But she meant that in the most endearing way possible. She was the sister you’ve always wanted, but god knows your mom wouldn’t know how to properly handle the both of you. So being friends was the best thing the world could offer.
Right before Jisoo’s entire body left the entrance, she was speaking to someone at the door and you could already tell who it was in your peripherals; none other than Taehyung. He waved at Jisoo then turned on his heel to greet you. You weakly waved at him because you were too distracted by Jisoo flailing her arms and giving you a thumbs up before fully skipping out the door.
“Hey.” Taehyung handed you a five dollar bill and at this point you didn’t need to ask him about his order. “Are you closing?”
“Yeah. My manager had to leave early because his babysitter couldn’t stay long today.” You handed him his chestnut praline ice cream in a medium cup. “What brings you here?”
He shrugged his shoulders and took a large bite of his ice cream. “It was a nice night, decided to go for a walk.”
“A walk?” You questioned. “To the ice cream parlour.”
“Not exactly. Just, you know, around. Then I saw Jisoo through the glass and then I saw you.”
His words were casual, but he was everything but. He stared at the menu, indenting crescent shaped marks into the peaks of his ice cream with his spoon. You were trying your hardest to not make the atmosphere weird between you two, but Taehyung was already way ahead of you.
Taehyung sat quietly at the counter as you wiped around the register until he offered to help you clean up the parlour after he scarfed down his ice cream. You protested, reminding him that you were the employee but he kept his hand out, waiting for some sort of cleaning instrument; it takes one to know one, so you knew he was going to be stubborn if you didn’t comply. You eventually handed him a broom and dustpan to sweep up dining area while you took care of the areas behind the register and back rooms.
Cleaning with Taehyung felt almost therapeutic because he turned played some piano jazz from his phone to keep a gentle ambience for cleaning. He cracked jokes here and there but majority of the time was spent tidying in comfort.
“I guess I have to pay you now for helping me.” You joked, getting ready to lock up.
“I’ll take half of my payment in the form of free ice cream tomorrow.” He said quickly.
“And the other half?”
Taehyung turned the open side around to read closed and pondered his options. “I get to walk you at least halfway to your house since it’s late and all.”
You had to admit, you were grateful that Taehyung offered to walk you only half way because you didn’t feel comfortable revealing your home to him just yet. You were also convinced that Jisoo probably put him up to it since they spoke a little at the door, but when you brought it up to Taehyung, he denied the assumption.
“Hm.” You bit the inside of your cheek. “Okay, but only halfway.”
Taehyung trotted down the sidewalk beside you with his arms gently swaying at his sides. All the street lights were all working properly and just as you told Jisoo, the restaurants and pubs along the walkways were also quite lively; this made the walk a little less awkward.
But talking won’t hurt either.
“Did Seo Joon talk to Jisoo yet? Because she hasn’t mentioned him lately.” You asked.
“I honestly don’t know. He hasn’t said anything about her either.” Taehyung kicked a rock off the curb. “In my opinion, I think he’s wasting his time.”
You threw your hands up in the air in relief. “Exactly! Jisoo and I say that all the time. We don’t know why he’s always making you guys constantly ask Jisoo to give him another chance when she said no many times.”
“Yeah. No means no.”
A cyclist with a headlight was approaching ahead of you and on instinct, Taehyung tugged you by the hand to make more room for the man to pass through. As he biked past, he quickly yelped out a thank you and sped off into the night.
“At least he had the decency to say thank you.” Taehyung whispered.
“Y-Yeah.” You tried to stifle the stutter in your voice as you wriggled your hand out of Taehyung’s.
He could have easily grabbed your forearm or even simply tell you to move to the side. Instead, he boldly took your hand into his and even held onto it for about five more seconds after the cyclist biked past.
For the rest of the way, you two remained silent only increasing the awkward tension. Even after thanking him and saying bye, you couldn’t stop think about holding his hand. It was annoying because you had no reason to be thinking about it this hard. It annoyed you so much to the point you called Jisoo as soon as you got him because god, you felt like you were going crazy.
“I can’t say I’m that surprised, y/n. When I asked what he was doing at the parlour he said he wanted to see you.”
You quickly sat up on your bed and practically yelled, “really?! But why?!”
“Who knows and I don’t mean to offend you in any way, I promise but, isn’t that kind of weird?”
“No, I know what you mean.” You scratched your head and fell back against your pillows. You obviously didn’t know Taehyung as long as Jisoo had, but you never saw him flirt much with other or even just hang around with other people besides his crew.
“If he’s trying to flirt with you, he’s doing a bad job.”
“Jisoo!”
Jisoo laughed in your ear. “I’m kidding, y/n. But honestly, Taehyung is nothing like Seo Joon’s dumbass, but just be careful.”
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
Maybe talking to Jisoo was a bad idea. The whole day at work you couldn’t stop thinking about holding hands with Taehyung and hearing her words be careful. She was just being protective of course and you weren’t going to stand there and lie to yourself and say that Taehyung isn’t a good guy. You only thought that way in the beginning because he hung around Seo Joon, but so far, Taehyung has been nothing but nice to you. But Jisoo was right, you had to be careful.
You drummed your fingers against the countertop. There had been multiple moments where you zoned out because of your own thinking. It had to stop.
“Hi, y/n.”
But how could it stop when you owed Taehyung free ice cream.
“Hey, Taehyung. Your ice cream is ready and waiting.”
He sat patiently at the counter and you caught him smiling at you while scooping the ice cream into a cup.
“Are you closing again today?”
You looked at the clock behind you.
2:32 PM
“No, I opened, so I’m getting off at five.”
Taehyung mouthed the word five and took a large bite out of his ice cream. He sat in silence while you cared for other customers that came in. He even smiled and waved at one of the toddlers who shyly hid behind her father’s leg. Taehyung cooed for her to give him a high five and after making some embarrassing faces, she emerged from her hideout and skipped over to give Taehyung a high five.
You couldn’t help but smile. Taehyung outside of school was a whole new person. He seemed more independent and gentle rather than the rowdy demeanor he gives off at school.
Why was someone like Taehyung hanging around a jerk like Seo Joon? Seo Joon had an inflated ego and believed he could have anything he wanted. Taehyung, on the other hand, was the complete opposite--although, you couldn’t say much because you never spent a significant amount of time with him.
God, y/n. It’s sounding like you want to spend more time with him.
“Are you busy after work, y/n?” Taehyung wiped his mouth with a napkin and inched closer to the register.
You gave it some thought. “No
? No, I don’t think I am. Why?”
“Well
” He started off quietly. “The little league is having a late practice and I was wondering if you wanted to come by and watch.”
Just when you were thinking about spending time with Taehyung, the universe read your mind. It was a very tempting offer and this would give you a chance to get to know him better--in a friendly way of course. So, you happily accepted and he gave you instructions to where he would be at the park for you to find him.
“I’ll see you later then, y/n.” Taehyung discarded his trash and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah.” You breathed. “Bye Taehyung.”
As Taehyung started to walk out the door, he looked back to wave and the smile he wore looked genuine, making you smile unknowingly.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
The next few hours flew by in a blink of an eye. One second you were refilling the sugar cone stack and next you were walking out of the parlour with two chestnut praline milkshakes in each hand. The milkshakes were a last minute idea, plus a ziploc bag of snacks in your satchel.
The dim rays of the sun hit your skin, but it wasn’t as hot as noon time. You passed through area of the park where most families were stationed--near the playground and bathrooms. Just beyond that was an open area where you spotted the dugout and playing field.
The closer you got, the sight of children running around with their baseball gloves and their parents watching from the side. You walked around the large diamond, past the dugout and found Taehyung sitting cross legged on the lush grass. He was cheering on the team and in the midst of that, your presence caught his attention.
“Y/n! Hey!” He called out with a boxy grin.
“Hi.” You waddled over and handed him his milkshake before sitting beside him.
“Thank you, but you really didn’t need to.” Even if he said that, he excitedly took a long sip out of his refreshment.
“It’s still warm out so I thought this would help while we watch--oh! I also packed some cookies.” You pulled out one of the ziplocs filled with a mixture of oreos, chocolate chip, and shortbread cookies. “We crush them for toppings.”
Taehyung smiled gratefully and proceeded to pull out an oreo. He then pointed out his cousin and explained their current game plan. You had little to no knowledge about baseball and Taehyung patiently answered your questions to the best of his abilities.
“Wow. So did you play baseball too?” You asked.
“No. I actually didn’t play much sports. I just learned from my cousin’s dad because he coached a little league team on the side before his firm skyrocketed.” Taehyung told you stories about his childhood and how he was intrigued with baseball despite never being on a team. He laughed while telling you that the reason why he never joined his uncle’s little league team was because his mom didn’t want him to get hurt.
“And apparently she still carried on the same ethic as you went onto high school.” You joked.
“Yeah, yeah she did.” Taehyung let out a deep chuckle. “How about you? Any sports?”
You scrunch your nose and shook your head. “I was, and still am, a bookworm.”
The parents and other spectators began to cheer and on an instinct, you and Taehyung did the same even if you two had no idea what was going on with the game. After the cheering died down, Taehyung smoothly continued the conversation.
“What kind of books do you like to read?”
“I like young adult fiction and psychological thrillers.” You answered shyly.
Taehyung raised his eyebrows and popped a shortbread cookie into his mouth. “I would have never guessed that you liked to read psychological thrillers.”
“Do I look that much of a goody two shoes?”
“N-No, of course not. It’s just that...uh
” He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to fish for words that wouldn’t offend you.
“I’m kidding, Taehyung.” You snickered. “I know I don’t look like it, I own a lot of psychological thriller books. It’s unbelievably captivating. ”
“Well, maybe you could recommend a book for me. I don’t read much and you seem to know what’s good.”
Naturally, your eyes lit up. Jisoo didn’t prefer psychological thrillers because she got nightmares easily and your other friends weren’t as much as a bookworm as you were. “Yeah, of course. I’d probably have to look through my selection to find something that’s not too scarring for you to start with.”
Taehyung settled his his milkshake in between his legs and fiddled with his fingers. He stared up into the cotton candy sky for a brief moment. “Maybe we could, I don’t know, exchange numbers so you could let me know when you found a book?”
You weren’t going to sit there and lie to yourself and say that his request didn’t make your heart skip a beat. Things weren’t being rushed, right? It was just his phone number. It’s not like he was asking you out on a date on the spot.
“Sure, yeah.” You gave him your number and within seconds, you received a text that contained a string of book emojis. “I guess I’ll start looking through my bookcase when I get home later.”
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
After that early evening at the park, you and Taehyung texted almost everyday. He still came by to visit you at the ice cream parlour. Most days he came with his cousin and his cousin’s friends and other days, he came by on his own. Whenever he visited when you worked the closing shift, he always walked you halfway home; it sort of became a ritual.
This type of connection with a boy didn’t always come by, so it was something you gladly and cautiously shared with Jisoo. You expected her to be hesitant about the whole thing, but she was completely on board the ship. She was still reminding you to keep yourself guarded, but she promised to be supportive no matter what was going to happen between you and Taehyung.
You lended Taehyung three of your books since then and after he completed a book, he would rant to you about the plot, certain characters he disliked, and he even told you that he was a slightly paranoid for two nights; you did warn him about that.
The air was oddly cooler that evening which made it a pleasant walk home. Your dad was picking out a bottle of wine out of the mini fridge in the dining while you were splayed lazily on your sofa, returning texts from Jisoo, Taehyung, and your dad--as a joke.
“How was work, sweetheart?” He asked.
“Kind of slow, but I got to try out some flavours that the parlour is going sell during the fall.” You flipped over onto your side and scanned his bottle choice. “Why don’t you go with chardonnay? It’s mom’s favorite and she’s been working long hours this whole week?”
Your dad stared at the bottle of cabernet and nodded his head. “You know, your knowledge about wine is concerning.”
“You and mom are wine drinkers, of course I would know.” You laughed.
Jokes were exchanged between you and your dad while the smell of garlic and basil floated throughout the room. You were having a great time teasing your dad that you almost didn’t noticed your phone vibrating on the sofa.
“Hello?”
“Hey, y/n. Sorry, are you busy?”
“No, no, Taehyung.  I’m just at home. What’s up?”
Taehyung never called you, so this was a curveball.
“I’m actually going to sleepover my cousin’s house tonight and tomorrow, so I wanted to return your book and borrow the next one before I head over there; just so I can have something to do to pass the time while I’m there.”
“I--uh,” You glanced at your father who was mixing what looked to be like a pasta salad. “Yeah, you can stop by. I’ll text you my address and just let me know when you’re here.”
This would be the first time Taehyung would be anywhere near your house. He always walked you halfway, never two-thirds or three-fourths of the way. You were nervous, probably for no reason since he was only dropping off a book.
Ten minutes, you received a here text that was accompanied by a smiley emoji. You already informed your dad, so you skipped outside to find Taehyung standing awkwardly next to your mailbox.
“Hey, did you walk all the way here?”
“Nah, skateboard.” Taehyung moved to the side the reveal his skateboard that was planted on the patch of grass surrounding your mailbox. “Here you go.”
Taehyung handed you the novel in exchange for the next book.
“So, how’d you like it?”
Taehyung blew out a breath and shook his head. “That...was quite the read. I wasn’t expecting her to be the cult leader’s daughter like what?!” He expressed his shock by flinging his hands out in front of him. “And that chase? I was clenching my ass cheeks reading that part.”
You laughed, recalling how your entire body seized up reading that exact same scene. “Yeah, I know exactly how you feel. I finished this novel in one day.”
“Damn.” He breathed. “How about this one--The Dead House? How is it?”
“I guess you’re going to have to read it to find out yourself.” You smiled slyly at him and he scoffed with a similar smile.
The sound of a car pulling in caught both of your attentions. Your mother waved at you through the windshield and exited the car. On the inside, you were desperately praying hard for your mom to not embarrass you in any way.
“Hi honey.” She slipped a swift kiss to your cheek and stuck her hand out towards Taehyung. “And you must be Taehyung. Y/n tells me that she’s been recommending you books.”
Taehyung nervously wiped his hand at the bottom of his shirt before making contact with your mother’s. “Y-Yes, ma’am. That’s me, I’m that Taehyung.”
Your mom smiled sweetly at him and then turned to face you. “Well honey, why don’t we have Taehyung for dinner? Unless you have somewhere else to be.”
Your jaw hung open and you exchanged glances between your mom and Taehyung. You shrugged your shoulders and nodded your head towards him. “Are you busy?”
He also shared anxious glances towards you and your mom before answering. “No, n-no. I’d love to stay for dinner.”
Anxiety built up as you watched Taehyung shake hands with your dad. They knew he wasn’t your boyfriend, but the only reason they were this excited was because you haven’t had a single guy come over for dinner since your freshman year. There were fifteen minutes left on the oven, so your mom, being as sweet as she was, instructed you to show Taehyung your bookcases.
“Wow.”
Taehyung scanned the walls of your room that were splattered with a pale yellow and white paint that were designed in vertical stripes. The floors of your room were a mahogany wood that was consistent with your entire house and in the middle of your room was a pearl white coffee table sitting on top of a large dark gray circular rug.  There were two bean bag chairs surrounding the table and small stack of magazines on top.
Beside your desk in the corner of your room were two large off-white bookcases; it looked as if you were almost in desperate need of a third one. He tiptoed over and gently ran his finger over a couple of the spines of a row of books.
“I never pictured your room to be like this.” Taehyung commented.
“And how did you picture it?” You sunk down onto one of the bean bag chairs and he followed in suit.
He shrugged his shoulders. “Bigger? And maybe...light purple?”
You threw your head back and laughed. “I like things comfy and cozy. When we first moved here, my parents wanted me to take the office room down the hall, but apparently I threw a tantrum because this was the room I wanted.”
“You threw a tantrum? Now that is something I have to witness.”
“No, no it’s not.”
For the next fifteen minutes, you answered Taehyung’s questions about your room and even shared stories from your childhood when you first moved in. He learned that you’ve lived in this house your entire life, but only started attending your current high school at the beginning of freshman year because your dad switched office locations.
“Do you miss your old friends?” He asked quietly.
“I do, but I mean, we still talk frequently so it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be.” You explained. “And plus, I’ve made amazing friends at our school.”
Taehyung flashed you the shyest smile before hiding it behind the back of his hand. Your statement was meant for your girlfriends, but Taehyung was silently woven into it too. You had to admit, he was a great friend. Ever since you started texting him almost everyday, talking to him was so much easier; conversations weren’t forced anymore and you breathed fine around him.
Your dad called you two from the door and apologized for not asking Taehyung if he was vegetarian at the beginning. Of course, you knew he wasn’t.
The menu was baked chicken with rice and mixed vegetables. There was also a bowl of pasta salad which Taehyung become quite fond of; your dad ended up packing a small serving of the pasta to take home with him. To add on the constant generous gestures, he even offered to drive Taehyung home since the sun had gone down, but Taehyung politely declined, stating that his home was just a ten minute skateboard ride away.
“Your parents are great.” Taehyung walked down the driveway after shaking your parents’ hands and thanking them for dinner.
“They’re just being that way because you’re here.” You giggled and handed him the styrofoam bowl of pasta you held for him.
Taehyung sighed into the night sky and ruffled his hair. “Tonight was one of the best nights I had in awhile. Thanks again for having me.”
“It’s no problem at all. I’m glad you had a nice time.”
He placed his skateboard on the sidewalk and took a step forward towards you. He extended his arms outward and enveloped you in a hug which caught you completely off guard. Although, the slightest hesitation, you wrapped your arms around his torso and heard his deep laughter vibrate near your ear.
“I’ll see you later then.” Taehyung whispered, slowly letting you go.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
It was difficult for you to function for the next few days all because Taehyung gave you a hug. This wasn’t fair. How were you supposed to focus on your books and your job if you were so preoccupied with a measly hug.
Jisoo was ecstatic about the idea. She teased you about it because it had been way too long since you’ve been worked up over a guy. You almost didn’t tell her because you knew how she would react, but Jisoo was your best friend so you had to tell her.
The parlour was just starting to die down and you were listening to Mrs. Song passionately talk about her late husband and how he always brought home at least one kind of flower whenever he came home from work. Her caretaker probably heard these stories over a hundred times, but she listened and smiled as if it were her first time hearing it.
“He sounds like a great man, Mrs. Song.” You said with the brightest smile.
“Oh, deary! He was an amazing man. Find yourself a gentleman who is never afraid to show you off and show how much he cares for you.” As Mrs. Song said that, she reached over to grasp onto your hands.
“Of course, ma’am. I will.” You squeezed tightly onto her frail hands and felt your chest cave it. Meeting Mrs. Song was one of the greatest things to ever happen in your life.
Mrs. Song’s caretaker tidied up the ice cream cups and newspaper that she brought which indicated that it was time for them to head back home. They both waved you goodbye and Mrs. Song took small steps with her walker towards the door.
Just on time, you spotted Taehyung through the glass and he rushed to the entrance door to open the door for Mrs. Song. She held onto Taehyung’s hand and they exchanged a few words which were too hushed to hear from where you were. But as they were departing, Taehyung caught you staring and shot you a smile before you shyly turned away.
“You know,” Taehyung began. “Staring is rude.”
You let out a sarcastic laugh and provided him with his usual order. “Yeah, yeah.”
“Oh, can I order tubs of ice cream in advance?” Taehyung asked.
“Uh, yeah. But only in these flavours.” You rummaged through some papers that were stashed inside a compartment.
He plucked the paper out of your hands and read through the list. “I’ll take a gallon of rocky road, neapolitan, and--sucks there’s no chestnut praline.” You both chuckled and Taehyung continued to stare at the list. “And a gallon of vanilla.”
You punched in numbers into the register and Taehyung already had his card out waiting to pay.
“Having a party?” You questioned and ripped out the receipt. “Just bring this receipt whenever you come in to grab the ice cream.”
“The little league is having a celebration on Thursday because gameday is on Wednesday and the coach said win or lose, they’re going to celebrate no matter what.” He folded up the receipt and slipped it into his wallet. “My cousin begged me to order ice cream from here.”
If the two of you didn’t start texting, maybe you two wouldn’t be making jokes and having easy conversations at the moment. Taehyung had such a lovely personality hidden beneath his bad boy persona and it bothered you that he didn’t act this way in school. Would Seo Joon not want to be his friend anymore? Because that’s what high school was--a hotspot for teenagers to do whatever they could to fit in and find friends. Thankfully Jisoo’s eldest sister gave the two of you a talk about being never turning yourself into someone you’re not just to make people like you.
If only Taehyung got the same talk.
“Hey, the summer night festival is next week friday, are you going?” He asked you softly.
The summer night festival was a one night community shindig that was held the last friday before all the kids went back to school on the Monday of the following week. It had been a tradition for as long as you could remember and your family never missed the event.
“I totally forgot about that, but yeah I am. I go every year with my parents.”
Taehyung nodded his head and fidgeted with his hands. “Well, if your parents don’t mind, could I steal you at some point during the festival?”
Like a date?
The words in your head made you stop breathing for a few seconds and you were hoping your cheeks weren’t reflecting how hot they were feeling.
“I--uh--” Taehyung chuckled at the flustered look you had on your face. “Yeah. I’m pretty sure they won’t mind you stealing me, but they would probably mind if you didn’t say hello.”
“I promise I’ll say hi to your parents.” Taehyung stood up and tucked his hair back underneath his hat. “I’ll see you then.”
Out of nowhere, Taehyung slid his hand against the counter and curled his fingers around your own. He gave you a light squeeze and proceeded to walk out of the parlour.
You tried your hardest to suppress your smile at the simple touch of his fingers. It wasn’t just the touch of his fingers that sparked your smile. It could easily be a text message, seeing him enter the ice cream parlour, or sharing eye contact with you. He made you laugh easily with stories he tells and even his laugh alone was contagious. You had difficulty in controlling the butterflies inside of you every time you saw him, but granted, you were doing a fairly good job at doing so.
It was terrifying and as much as you didn’t want to admit it, you liked Taehyung. You really did.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
“Thanks for bringing me along, mom and dad. I wish my parents didn’t have to finish late tonight.” Jisoo had her arm linked around yours as the four of you trotted down the pavement into the town.
“Of course, sweetheart. Just don’t forget to bring your dad some of the grilled corn this time.” Your father reached out to gently tug on a lock of Jisoo’s hair.
You had already told Jisoo about meeting with Taehyung so she wouldn’t think you’re going to ditch her out of nowhere. She, without a doubt, understood and made you promise to call her if anything went wrong. You were expecting that kind of response. It was Jisoo.
The festival had already begun. Children were walking around with their parents holding sticks of cotton candy and a balloon animal in the other. Teenagers were swarming around some of the games to win large stuffed animals for their significant others and there was also a dunking booth that the teachers from the different high school were running. The intoxicating smell of food filled the air and you could already taste the chocolate funnel cake in your mouth. After promising your parents that you would link up with them soon, Jisoo dragged you to the deep fried twinkies booth.
For the next two hours, time was spent with Jisoo eating and trying to not spend a lot of money on games you had zero skills in. Jisoo walked back to the bench you two were sitting on with two cups of iced sweet tea.
“Did Taehyung call you yet?” She asked excitedly.
“Not yet--why are you so excited about this?” You laughed and snatched your drink away from her.
“Because this is exciting! You don’t agree? But anyway, he’s probably not even here yet. I saw Seo Joon and his boys when I was in line, but I didn’t see Taehyung with them.”
On an impulse, a sigh escaped your mouth. Thankfully, Taehyung didn’t stand you up or at least you hope he didn’t.
“Did Seo Joon see you?” You asked.
“No, thank you god. I haven’t heard from him in a while so I guess I owe Taehyung one--speaking of the devil.” Jisoo pointed towards your phone that had Taehyung’s name displayed across the screen. She nudged you to answer and you hated how nervous you were feeling.
“H-Hello?”
“Hey, y/n. Sorry, I couldn’t leave my house until my dad got home. Where are you?”
You looked around the crowd to see if you could find him before he found you. “I’m sitting with Jisoo near the sweet tea and peach cobbler booths. I’m wearing a red shirt.”
“Red shirt...peach cobbler
 I can’t see--oh, there!”
You whipped your head around and Jisoo did the same. Taehyung flailed around in his white graphic t-shirt and scurried along with sidewalk with his phone still pressed to his ear.
“Hi, hey, Jisoo.” Taehyung greeted while taking deep breaths.
“Hi, Taehyung.” Jisoo returned the greeting and stood up. “Before I go and link up with your parents y/n--thanks Tae for whatever you did to get Seo Joon off my back. It has made my summer a lot more relaxing.”
Taehyung cocked his head and smiled. “I, uh, I don’t really know what I did either, but you’re welcome. Maybe he just got tired of chasing? But whatever happened, it’s good to know that he’s out of your hair.”
They exchanged a few more words and you smiled at the both of them. It was comforting to know that Jisoo was able to get along with Taehyung at the moment. You remembered when you first encountered Taehyung in close proximity, Jisoo was barely communicating with Taehyung and when she did speak to him, she spoke to him in a cold manner. Now, Jisoo was laughing and making direct eye contact with the same guy.
“Geez, y/n.” Jisoo squished your cheeks together. “If I have something on my face, just say it.”
“You seriously have a bad habit in staring.” Taehyung added in.
“She does, doesn’t she?”
“Okay, okay. Don’t gang up on me.” You playfully swatted Jisoo’s hands away and jabbed a finger at each of their legs. “But, we’ll accompany you to wherever my parents are. Taehyung is going to say hi to them.”
After a few calls, your mom finally picked up and directed you three to some sort of game booth where your dad was struggling to win at least one game. Your parents exchanged greetings as soon as your dad landed a win. They briefly spoke, asking if Taehyung’s parents were around the festival too and if he had eaten.
“My parents weren’t able to come tonight and not yet, sir. I was going to buy something for y/n and I.” Taehyung was obviously still nervous around your parents, especially your dad, but it was only natural.
“Well, you two have fun. I’ll call you if we decide to leave early and don’t forget that Jisoo is here too.” Your mom squeezed Taehyung’s shoulder and Jisoo pushed you to stand next to him.
“Okay mom and yes, I won’t forget about Jisoo.” You waved goodbye with a rapid beating heart. This wasn’t your first time spending alone time with Taehyung, but this was the first time you were going to be alone with him knowing that you admitted to yourself that you like him.
Everything was going to be fine as long as you acted normal around him. This meant no stuttering and no over-selling your normality. But could you really pull this off?
“You alright?” Taehyung poked your side, making you flinch.
“Y-Yeah. I’m all good.” You answered fairly quickly.
Of course, you couldn’t pull this off.
“By the way, are you sure you just want breadsticks? The pizza here is top notch.” Taehyung swept your behavior under the rug which you were grateful for.
“Yeah, Jisoo and I ate a little too much desserts. I swear that girl can eat desserts for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.”
Taehyung stepped to side to swiftly retrieve his order and you were able to catch a whiff of his cologne or body wash or something; it was an earthy citrusy scent that tickled your nose. After returning to you, he helped guide you through the crowd with a careful hand on your lower back making sure not to lose amongst the sea of people.
“If only the ice cream parlour was open. I could go for a milkshake.” He commented.
“Yeah, we closed early because of the festival, sorry.” You looked around the area. “They have rainbow lemonade? That sounds interesting, I mean, it’s no milkshake but still.”
You offered to make the purchase for the both of you but Taehyung constantly pushed you to let him pay for the drinks. Ultimately, he took the win for that.
The festival was still at its peak, so there were still large amounts of crowds which made it difficult to canvass the nearby spots for a bench. The park lights were still on, so Taehyung made the executive decision to park yourselves there to eat. It wasn’t as hot as most nights which made sitting at one of the picnic tables under a lampost more enjoyable.
The garlic and basil breadsticks Taehyung ordered for you were scrumptious and he even let you have the first bite of his pizza  to show you what you were missing out on. He told you about how he meant to be at the festival earlier, but his mom was still at work and his dad wanted him to wait for him so someone could be at home to watch their dog.
“Aw, you have a dog?” Your eyes lit up and you clasped your hands together.
“Yeah, our neighbor’s dog gave birth recently so he’s still a puppy.” Taehyung showed you his lock screen to present an adorable ball of fluff with the largest grin on its face. “His name is Yeontan.”
You squealed and stole his phone out of his hands. “He is the cutest! I’d give him the world if I could.”
“I wanted to bring him out for you to meet him, but we have yet to finish up his shots.” He explained, smiling at you.
“Maybe next time?”
“Yeah. Of course.” He took his phone back and stared at his lockscreen for a few seconds. “Or you could come over some time? Just so Tannie doesn’t have to leave my house.”
“I’d
” You started. “I’d love that.”
Going over to Taehyung’s house would mean that there was a chance you would meet his parents. It made you wonder if Taehyung talked about you just like how you talked about him around your family. You thought you were a genuinely good person and you haven’t done anything to hurt Taehyung at some point for him to say anything that could tarnish his parent’s first impression about you.
It wouldn’t hurt to ask, right?
“By any chance, does your parents know about me?” You cautiously asked.
Taehyung smiled bashfully and nodded his head. “My mom was pleased to know that you’re a reader and you were the one who helped me get patched up that one time. Thanks again, y/n.”
“It’s no problem. I’m pretty sure your mom would’ve had a meltdown if you went home without any bandages whatsoever.” You laughed, thinking about the times Taehyung would shake his head yet speak about his mom endearingly.
“That’s definitely true.” He agreed. “My parents are dying to meet you though, so maybe on your next day off or when you finish early, you could stop by.”
“It’s a date.”
Both of your eyes widened and you choked on your saliva realizing there was no way you could save yourself from that one. The words came out automatically and you were already used to saying it towards Jisoo and your other girlfriends, but with your feelings towards Taehyung, this time was different. You couldn’t help but think that you screwed everything up at that moment because you couldn’t distinguish the look Taehyung had on his face. You couldn’t tell if he was embarrassed or disgusted.
“Y-Yeah,” Taehyung mumbled, trying to hide his face behind his hand. “It’s--It’s a date.”
It felt as if your heart was about to beat right out of your chest. You tried to justify everything by telling yourself that he was jokingly agreeing with you, but on the inside, you were praying that he meant it the same way you did.
A brief moment of awkward silence washed on shore and it almost sealed the deal in making you think that you really did screw up big time. Taehyung cut the silence in half by clearing his throat and then scooting closer to you.
“You know, y/n,” Taehyung gulped loudly and planted his elbow on top of the table, resting his cheek on his palm to look at you. “I never imagined myself spending the summer reading and constantly visiting the ice cream parlour.”
“I never expected to be working at all this summer. My mom was the mastermind behind my employment.” You chuckled and rolled your eyes.
“Well, I’m glad she encouraged you to work.” Taehyung held his gaze with you. “I got to meet you.”
How could Taehyung look at you the way he was at the moment and say I got to meet you. Your face was probably beet red and you couldn’t control your smile at that point. There was a lot you wanted to say to him like I love hanging out with you and something corny like we should go thank my mom then. But you stared at him, with your words stuck in your throat and a stupid smile plastered on your face.
“I spent a lot of money on ice cream, but it was worth it.” Taehyung continued with his words, making your heart rate spiral out of control.
“You’ve become a loyal customer.” You joked, making a deep sound of laughter bubble from his throat.
“Yeah, yeah I have.” He said in between laughs. “You’re to blame though.”
“I haven’t done anything.”
“No , no, you did a lot, y/n. Trust me.”
“And what exactly have I done, Taehyung?” You asked with a mischievous tone of voice.
Taehyung moved a couple of inches closer to you and you remained still. “First of all, you patched up my wounds. You introduced me to a new flavour of ice cream, you let me borrow your books which blossomed a new interest of mine.” You listened intently as Taehyung’s eyes grew softer. “You made me smile and laugh until my stomach hurt. You also understood my weird family dynamics. I feel less lonely and a lot happier nowadays and you’re to blame, y/n.”
Each word that fell from Taehyung’s lips turned you closer and closer into mush. You were denying the obvious which was mutual feelings because your worlds were similar yet different. There was no way someone like Taehyung could ever feel an ounce of anything towards you. This was usual assumption until you got to know him personally and see what kind of boy he really was. However, naturally, you were still in denial.
“You do know what I’m saying, right?” Taehyung asked and you just slightly parted your lips, scared to say what your heart was pushing you to say. “I’m saying
 I like you, y/n. I really like you.”
The oxygen inside of you became trapped inside of your chest. Out of all the things Taehyung could have said, you would would choose for him to say those words again and again. Your hands felt clammy and the rapid sound of your heartbeat was deafening in your ears.
“I just ruined things, didn’t I?” Taehyung snapped you back into reality and you noticed that he scooted a few inches away from you.
You frantically shook your head thinking that your silence ruined things. “No, Taehyung. S-Sorry, I’m just surprised that’s all.”
He nodded and blew out a shaky breath. Judging by the look on his face, Taehyung seemed as nervous as you were and you knew what you had to do to ease the tension.
“I...like you too, Taehyung.” You replied softly.
Taehyung raised his eyebrows. He then poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, exerting a breath of air. “R-Really? Are you sure?”
You laughed and lightly shoved his shoulder. “Yes, I’m sure you dummy. I’m awkward around a lot of people, especially boys, but not with you.” It was Taehyung’s turn to listen with his undivided attention. “I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately a-and you don’t even know how excited I get when I see you walk through the doors of the parlour or when you text me. My parents like you, it seems like Jisoo is becoming quite fond of you, and it’s so scary because  I don’t even think I’m your type so I hope you understand why I’m so shocked. I’m too quiet, I talk to myself sometimes--”
“Y/n.” Taehyung blurted your name out with a chuckle. “Just breathe for a second, okay? I don’t have a type. I don’t care if you talk to yourself or if you think you’re too quiet or whatever else you were going to say. I like you and that’s that.”
Taehyung cautiously cupped the back of your hand with his and looked at you as if you painted the stars in the sky with your own two hands. It was an odd feeling to have him look at you the way he did and yet, it was a reassuring feeling to know that he felt the same as you did.
The stars you apparently painted with your own hands were aligned perfectly. You twisted your hand around to have his palm up against yours until he eventually laced his fingers in between yours. Taehyung giggled softly as he gently caressed the back of your hand with his thumb.
Out of all the events that happened throughout the entirety of summer, this was easily one of your favorites.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
“Oh my god! So, how cute is his dog?” Jisoo squealed.
“Ten out of ten such a good doggo and soooo adorable!” You showcased the photos you took on your phone. There was a large section of your gallery of Yeontan in multiple angles, some were blurry from him moving around too much,  and some had you and Taehyung in the photos. Jisoo gushed over the cutest little ball of sunshine and constantly made remarks about how lucky you were to have met Taehyung’s dog.
“You’re so lucky, y/n. Taehyung is sane and has the cutest dog son in the world. I wish my parents allowed me to have a pet other than a fish.” Jisoo said as she pulled into a parking stall at school. “Remind me to get a new parking pass after school.”
You two arrived at school forty-five minutes before the first tardy bell would ring and this was for the sake of student parking. With a lot of the current seniors taking their driver’s test over the summer, it was most likely the parking lot was going to fill up rather quickly.
Before heading onto campus, you both just sat in Jisoo’s car listening to music and chatting about how exciting senior year was going to be for the both of you. Senior year meant college campus tours, college fairs, senior getaway and prom. Not only was there going to be a lot of stress involved, you made a promise to yourself to not be as stressed as you were during junior year.
“I can’t believe we’re seniors, y/n.” Jisoo sighed. “And if you’re going to senior prom with Taehyung who the hell am I going to take couple pictures with?!”
“Whoa, whoa, stop right there, Kim Jisoo. I think you’re getting way ahead of yourself.” You patted her hand.
Jisoo laughed and rolled her eyes. “Okay, whatever, but the boy likes you. Before you know it, he’s going to ask you to be his girlfriend in the most cheesiest way possible!”
The idea of Taehyung doing that was adorable yet embarrassing and plus, Taehyung knew that you didn’t like show-offy events like it; the thought of it made you feel uncomfortable.
“You’re crazy.” You laughed. “But I don’t want to get my hopes up, Jisoo. It’s a new school year. It’s possible for Taehyung to meet somebody new in his classes and I can’t force him to just stick with him.”
Jisoo squinted her eyes at you and folded her arms across her chest. “God, I hate it when you’re right.” She reached for her backpack and turned off her car engine. “Well, enjoy what you have now, y/n and let me enjoy teasing you about Taehyung.”
She stuck her hand out and you laughed while shaking it. “Deal.”
Throughout the whole morning, Taehyung only texted you a good morning message and you were thinking he probably fell back asleep right after. You asked him if he had eaten breakfast yet in your reply and by the time you left your house, he still didn’t respond. Honestly, you wanted to ask him if he wanted to meet someone on school grounds, but it felt like it was too much of a gesture; maybe it was all in your head--the feeling of it being too much.
You stuck with Jisoo for majority of the time. She planned on taking you around the bleachers where Seo Joon and his crew hang out during lunch, but a lot of the new clubs were having welcome booths and the literary club was calling your names.
“Come on, y/n!” Jisoo gently tugged on your hand, heading towards the football field and bleachers.
It was ten minutes after the final bell rang and you told Jisoo about Taehyung only texting you once throughout the day and she found it suspicious. She continued to nag you to check if he was on campus, but you wanted to just leave it alone. It was probably your gut talking to you and as much as you knew you had to trust your gut feeling, you didn’t want to listen.
“Jisoo, I don’t know, I don’t
” Your voice trailed off and you stared at the tips of your shoes.
“Y/n.” Jisoo squeezed your hand and stared deep into your concerned eyes. “You know you have to. And because I love you, I’m going to go with you.”
At this point, you didn’t realize that your body was gravitating towards the football with Jisoo still holding tightly onto your hand. You didn’t want to look up from your feet and when you did, all oxygen inside of you became trapped inside of your lungs.
Taehyung was sitting with the cluster of his friends at the bleachers, laughing and he even quickly checked his phone. There was a possibility that he was too caught up in catching up with his friends to text you another time or maybe he thought he replied to you but didn’t--it has happened a few times and he apologized when it happened. You were hoping for Jisoo to not say anything to get his attention, but Seo Joon called out before you could even tug her back towards the campus.
“Oh, hey, Jisoo.”
All at the same time, the group of friends turned towards you two and instantly, Taehyung’s eyes met yours. Jisoo continued to walk towards the bleachers not letting any of their stares bother her.
“We’re not here for you, Joon.” Jisoo snapped harshly at him and then stared down Taehyung. “Really, Taehyung?”
“Jisoo, stop.” You whispered.
All of Taehyung’s friends panned their heads from you and Jisoo to Taehyung. There was a look of panic on his face and already said everything that you needed to know. You wanted to run but your feet felt as if it was stapled to the ground. The air that was trapped inside of you was now released with one single blow.
“You’re friends with them?” Seo Joon questioned and first looked at Jisoo then back at you with a raised eyebrow.
You watched as Taehyung’s facial expression change from panic to sadness within seconds. “I--I don’t--” He stammered and slowly shrugged his shoulders.
Jisoo squeezed your hand tighter and she pointed an angry finger towards Taehyung. “Kim Taehyung, you fucking--”
“Jisoo, let’s go, please.” You interrupted Jisoo and hung your head down. You didn’t want to be there. You didn’t want to look at Taehyung. You just wanted to leave.
It took a lot for Jisoo to not cuss out Taehyung, you knew that. Instead, she complied with your request and took the lead in guiding you out of the football field and back to the parking lot. She didn’t say one more word and never let go of your hand the whole way there.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
“THAT PIECE OF SHIT!” Jisoo threw her bag onto the concrete of your driveway. “Was he seriously going to stand there and look at you like you were a stranger?! Some fucking nerve he has!”
You sat on top of the hood of Jisoo’s car with your knees hugged to your chest. Thankfully, your parents were both still at work which meant you had the whole house to yourself, but you couldn’t bring yourself to walk inside.
“Maybe we’re taking this the wrong way, Jisoo.” You mumbled.  It was dumb to justify the look on Taehyung’s face.
“I’m sorry, y/n. But that’s bullshit. You know that I know what Taehyung’s face looked like.” Jisoo raked her hand through her hair. “He obviously didn’t tell his friends about you and I hate that I know why.”
There was a stinging sensation in your eyes and you blinked it away. You also had a feeling why he wouldn’t tell his friends. It was your worst nightmare and it was all coming true. You buried your face between your knees and your chest, wanting to disappear.
“Hey, hey, not another step! Go away!”
You poked your head up and found Taehyung stuck dead in his tracks with Jisoo walking to stand by your side.
“Jisoo, just let me explain--”
“I don’t think so, Taehyung. We get it. She gets it.” It was sweet of Jisoo to stand up for you, but honestly, you wanted to hear it from Taehyung himself.
“It’s okay, Jisoo. I’ll be fine.” You whispered whilst climbing down from her car.
She changed her glances between you and Taehyung before sighing. “Okay. I’ll be in your room then,” She held her hand out and you planted your house keys onto her palm. “I won’t be nosy, I promise.”
After giving Taehyung a deadly gaze, Jisoo scooped up both of your backpacks and disappeared inside of your house.
Taehyung walked towards you with hesitation weighing in every step. The hurt in your eyes was obvious and it made looking at you hurt even more because he knew he was the reason for it.
“Y/n...I can explain
” Taehyung began taking deep breaths. “I didn’t tell them...about you
”
There were tears filling up your eyes and you tried to blink them away, but one single tear managed to trickle down your cheek.
“I didn’t tell them anything b-because
” Taehyung’s words fell like stones, dropping slower and slower. Your chest began to tighten and your cheeks started to flare up.
“Because you were embarrassed?! Is that why?” Your words shocked you just as much as it did for Taehyung but it was the reason that was blaring inside of your head the most and you had to put it out there. “I read books, I’m quiet, I’m obviously not the type of girl who would be seen with you.”
Taehyung let out a breath of air and tried to reach for your hand but you pulled away. “That’s not...that’s not the reason, y/n.”
You clenched your jaw and wiped the tears from your eyes. “Look me in the eyes and tell me, with confidence, that that’s not the reason why you didn’t tell them.”
He tilted his head back and combed his fingers through his hair. “Seo Joon mentioned once that he didn’t know how you and Jisoo became friends because you seemed different from her and--”
“And you didn’t want to tell him because you were afraid if you told him, he would make fun of you and tell you that you probably deserved better. Got it, Taehyung.”
“Y/n...Seo Joon is a fucking dick, okay? And he wouldn’t have let me live if he found out that I was involved with someone that he--he thought--” Taehyung watched as your tears resurfaced and he took in a sharp breath. “Y/n, I like you. You don’t know how much I fucking like you, isn’t that enough?”
There was a moment of silence before you answered. “You’ve been in my house and you met my parents. I know your little cousin and his friends, I met your parents and your puppy. Why is Seo Joon’s opinion so important to you, Taehyung?”
He grit his teeth and sighed. “I don’t know, y/n. But I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Me too.”
You wiped whatever tears were stained on your face then turned your heel to walk away. He called out your names and each time he called for you, tears welled and you covered your mouth to stifle your sobs. From your driveway to your front door, you never once looked back.
Was it wrong to think you didn’t deserve this? Every girl deserves someone who wasn’t afraid to be with them and this included you.
It almost didn’t occur to you that you arrived in your room until Jisoo said your name. You dragged your feet to your bed and slumped your body down against the mattress.
“It would...It would’ve been too embarrassing
” You sniffled. “...too embarrassing if Seo Joon knew
”
“Y/n, I’m so sorry.” Jisoo immediately joined and curled up next to you, letting you bury your face into her shoulder to cry it all out. She stroked your hair, listening to you wail and question this had to happen to you.
Even with Jisoo in your room, you had never felt so alone.
↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠↠
Instead of quitting after summer, you decided to keep the job at the ice cream parlour because of the relationships you gained with your coworkers. Plus, when Jisoo told you that “more money meant more books,” it stuck with you.
The week stretched out a lot longer than you would’ve liked and as much as you wanted to relax on a Saturday, you were scheduled to work the afternoon shift. Even after sleeping in for a bit, you were feeling a bit groggy because your exhaustion caught up with you, but talking to Mrs. Song was making all exhaustion dissipate.
“School is just a mere distraction, deary. Marry a millionaire and you’ll be fine.” Mrs. Song instructed and her caregiver laughed and reminded her that you were still young and that you still had a lot to do in your life.
“Well, you do that, but don’t forget to marry a good man--have I told you about my late husband, sweetie?” Her caregiver smiled and winked at you.
“No, Mrs. Song. I’d love to know about him.” You smiled back at her and listened with your undivided attention. No matter how much times you’ve heard the stories, you would never get tired hearing how romantic her husband was with her. Even while you took care of other customers, she still talked about her life with him and you listened and asked questions so she knew that you were listening.
“So, he wasn’t a millionaire, Mrs. Song?--thank you, have a good day.” You handed a customer his change.
“Not at all, dear. But our time together was priceless.”
The entrance door opened and in came the last person you wanted to see, although it couldn’t be helped. When Taehyung walked in, his cousin and his friends came running in through the doors first and he followed with his hands in his pockets.
Mrs. Song greeted him as you tended to the kids with a smile. The last time you spoke to Taehyung was on Monday. He tried to reach out to you, but you didn’t bother to return any of his calls or texts. He only ever contacted you through phone and never at school which gave you the idea that he didn’t tell his friends anything.
You wanted to disappear into the back room, but you were already assisting his cousin and his friends.
“Hi, y/n.” Taehyung greeted quietly.
You gave the last cup of ice cream to one of the kids who then ran over to Mrs. Song.
“Hi.” It was instinct the way you grabbed a fourth cup to fill it up with chestnut praline ice cream. How were you supposed to enjoy this flavour when it now gave you bittersweet memories of summer?
“Y/n, I know you’re mad at me and you don’t have to say anything, but at least just listen to me.” Taehyung followed you from the other side of the counter as you walked from the ice cream casing to the register. “I let my pride get in the way because I didn’t tell my friends about you. It’s always been that way with Seo Joon and it’s so fucking annoying how I can’t put my foot down when it comes to him. Saying that makes me sound like I’m his bitch and I guess I am.”
You plucked the ten dollar bill out of his hand and listened, just as he instructed.
“I haven’t told him...yet
which is stupid, I know. You’re important to me and I haven’t been feeling like myself lately all because we haven’t been talking at all. It’s killing me, y/n.” Taehyung spoke as softly as possible, just enough for only you to hear. “I still really like you and I swear I’ll tell Seo Joon because you’re right, his opinion shouldn’t matter.”
You took the change out of the register and you didn’t even realize it, but you blinked away tears that surfaced at your water line. Words were getting caught up within your throat, threatening to burst out all at once. But now wasn’t the right time.
You laid his change out on the palm of your hand and as Taehyung took his change, his finger lingered to trace the lines that veined throughout your palm. He hung his head and failed to hide the sound of him sniffling.
“I admit my mistake and I’m just so sorry, y/n. I hope for you to forgive me one day.” Taehyung crumpled up his change inside of his receipt and stuffed it into his pocket. “Have a good day.”
“You too, Taehyung.” Your words were barely audible, but he still heard you.
With a blank expression, Taehyung gathered up his pack of children and made sure to give Mrs. Song the most cheerful smile he could muster up.
Not even a couple of feet away from Mrs. Song, Taehyung’s cousin asked Taehyung to retie his shoe laces because they were beginning to become undone. You walked over to Mrs. Song who was gently folding her napkin to wipe the corners of her mouth.
“You know, dear,” she began. “How about you try your chances with that young man who came in with his little friends? He seems like a nice boy.”
There was no point in explaining everything to Mrs. Song, so you just hummed and smiled at her. “He is, Mrs. Song.”
Without looking up from the counter, you could see Taehyung stand back up and you could feel his eyes burning towards you.
“How about it then, deary? I’ll introduce you two.” Mrs. Song suggested with confidence.
It difficult to hold back your tears in front of the ever-so-innocent Mrs. Song, but you had to grit your teeth and bear it.
“It’s okay, ma’am. I don’t think he’s interested in me.” You said sadly.
As much as you didn’t want to look at him, you finally lifted your chin to make eye contact with the regretful stare of Taehyung’s eyes. The intense contact was broken by his cousin, shaking Taehyung’s hand and telling him that they wanted to go to the park already.
As he turned his back to you, you physically felt the pain in the atmosphere. Who knows, maybe you were taking it to heart much harder than it needed to be. But if there was one thing that you knew for sure, it was that you were incredibly hurt about the fact that Taehyung had to hide your existence. He stared into your eyes as if he had no idea who you knew were.
You were furious, betrayed, and, with the lack of a better word, so fucking hurt by what happened. Being who you were, you also knew that there was no way you could stay mad at Taehyung forever. There was a sliver of hope for you to forgive him, but now wasn’t the time.
Taehyung was more than an entire summer of memories. He was an unexpected occurrence, like rain in a drought. He was your first text in the morning and your last text before going to bed. He became the reason for you to be excited to head to work, hoping for him to show up.
But the rain will stop falling, texts don’t get sent, work becomes a chore, and eventually, seasons end.
♡ rae
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btamamura · 5 years ago
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Sorry, this is a long post so you can feel free to just scroll past. I wrote this on the app since the web page hates my devices, so there is no Read More cut.
Time to open up to my followers.
If you’ve known me for a while, you’d know my battles over the last few years. For the new folks, here it is - I have been living with a chronic illness since November 1, 2014, and it has been awful.
It started out as just chronic nausea. We thought it might’ve been something I ate or a lingering case of gastro. But, that changed February the next year when the pain started.
I woke up one morning to find I was in extreme pain in my feet. I hadn’t injured myself but my feet felt like the bones had been shattered. The lightest touch made the pain even worse, so I was just lying on my back, feet in the air, crying and crying, trying not to scream and wishing it would just go away. The pain faded over the next couple of weeks, but never left completely. It was just an annoyance or painful but not excruciating. My grandfather offered for me to see a podiatrist, he would pay if not bulk-billed, because he thought maybe it was from the many years of walking on my toes.
The next day, right before my cousin’s birthday party, which I had planned on attending for at least an hour just to say hello to the family, the same horrible pains started in my hands. Dad just had to take one look at me to know I would not be going. I asked him, through my tears, in half-seriousness if he could find his axe and chop my hands off so I never had to feel that pain again.
I found a clinic to attend with my grandfather’s help. I saw a doctor about my symptoms. She focused on the nausea, even if I kept saying “I’m in worse pain today!”, so I tried seeing a different doctor in the clinic. The first doctor had ordered a gastroscopy to be done to see if there was something going on in my stomach.
The second doctor kept ordering the same blood tests - iron, b12, vitamin d. And even once those levels had been corrected, I was still sick and sore. I had since had my gastroscopy, which came up clear. The second doctor looked me in the eye and said outright that she believed I had to be faking in order to get out of looking for work. I was already upset that the gastroscopy had no answers (I’d already said I would cry if it came up clear, just as I would’ve if it found a tumour developing in my stomach), but then to hear that from someone who was meant to help?! I broke down crying and told her if everything I had missed in the time I had been sick. By this time, it was early 2016.
I told her of missing visiting my niece as a newborn. Of how I couldn’t attend my cousin’s engagement, Hen’s night and wedding. Of how I couldn’t attend my pop’s funeral. Or the missed annual dinners with Nan and Pop before his passing. (Pop is my dad’s stepfather and was a big part of my life growing up despite living far away.) How I had planned a holiday to the Gold Coast for my 30th birthday but instead spent that day in bed, struggling to down my food and avoiding the family as they ate theirs because the smell made my nausea worse. Of the Christmases I spent sick in bed and unable to visit my mother’s grave. Of not being able to hang out with my sister and spend time with my young nephew and much younger niece. I refused to see that doctor again and left feeling terrible.
New doctor at a clinic my great-uncle visited. He decided to do the usual blood test but also tested to see if I was autoimmune. Yep, so he then tested to see if I had lupus. Nope. But, he still seemed to be doing more for me than the last two doctors. A week after the autoimmune result came in, I wound up in hospital. I hadn’t been able to eat or drink for a week because I was having difficulty swallowing. I wasn’t in a dangerous condition, so I was only admitted overnight for observation, having some fluids by IV and to speak with a speech therapist the next morning as I was put on a purĂ©e diet. While being observed, the doctor in hospital noticed something - a goitre.
Eating troubles started becoming more frequent at that time. By the end of 2016, I was struggling with abdominal pains and low appetite. There were sporadic days I couldn’t eat a thing. I attended another appointment where the doctor forced me to have two jelly babies because my blood sugar was low - no, I’m not diabetic. They came to a head in late-March of 2017.
I hadn’t eaten more than a nibble here and there and only barely sipped at a drink for a week. I was very unwell and after the third time of being sick, I decided I had to go up to the emergency department because something was very wrong. I was right - they saw me right away. I was in the early stages of Refeeding Syndrome due to starvation, my blood sugar was low, my ketones had gone up and my organs were slowly starting to shut down. My blood was acidic. I was told to try sipping at apple juice, but it was no good, I couldn’t even muster that.
I was moved to short stay while waiting to transfer to a ward. My time in hospital was scary, and not in the usual “I’m afraid of hospitals” way. I was in danger. I was diagnosed with starvation ketoacidosis (similar to diabetic but I’m not diabetic), as anorexic (no appetite version, not anorexia nervosa) and even if they tried to get me to eat, I struggled even with crackers. They put me on Ondansetron (usually for chemo and radiotherapy patients) to ensure anything I did try to eat would stay down. I was put on different infusions - saline, glucose, potassium (THAT HURT SO MUCH, I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS TRYING TO SNAP MY ARM IN HALF AND I ACTUALLY PASSED OUT FROM THE PAIN!!) and others. I had blood tests at least twice a day and tests for my blood sugar and ketones every time I was about to eat or if I looked a bit more unwell. I had to be hooked up to a portable heart monitor, but the first night of that, my heart rate reached 150bpm just slowly walking to the toilet, and a Med Call was made to make sure I did not go into cardiac arrest. The doctor who made his rounds had to outright tell me that if I failed to eat, I would need to be put on a feeding tube or else I would die. That’s how bad it was. I was in for a week before I was deemed well enough and safe enough to go home.
The third doctor started to let me down, ordering the same blood tests to make it look like he knew what might be going on. No good. Wound up feeling too ill later in the year so I missed my uncle’s funeral.
In 2018, I started going downhill. Wound up hospitalised with starvation ketoacidosis again following a bout of gastro the day before. Falls also started occurring. But, it was no good, I couldn’t find a good doctor who could help instead of just playing around with the same old blood tests. I missed more events including my other niece’s first birthday and my great-uncle’s funeral.
2019, still struggling. I’m seeing a new doctor, but she very quickly lets me down by saying EVERYTHING is just tied to my anxiety. At least she took the lump in my breast seriously - thankfully not cancer. But, as the year progresses, a good doctor is finally found. My cousin helped me find a clinic that bulk-bills and is taking on patients.
My current GP listens every time I see her. Every. Time. I go in with a new symptom or concern, she orders the right tests or refers me to someone who can help. Through her help, I’ve been able to see a speech therapist about the ongoing swallowing issues, a physiotherapist about my falls, a dietician about my dietary issues which contribute to deficiencies, a surgeon about my goitre (he put me on medicine because my thyroid was a bit overactive - suspecting hyperthyroidism or any other forms of it - in the most recent blood test through the hospital when I went up by ambulance with chest pains, ordered a CT scan and believes the best course of action may be to perform a complete thyroidectomy, meaning removal of my thyroid), had me undergo full blood tests (not just the usual), had me undergo an ECG and TTE (trans-thoracic echo, an ultrasound of the heart) just to make sure all is well there since I keep having chest pains and most recently referred me to a neurologist because she believes my symptoms line up with a rare genetic condition. She’s also looking into finding a neuropsychologist who can help with an autism assessment.
Because of the help I’ve been receiving, I’ve been a bit more hopeful of a diagnosis finally coming in the near future. Because I’ve been seeing a physio who helped me with strengthening exercises for my legs, I have been able to go out walking for a little while - never out on the streets but yes in shopping centres, that way if something goes wrong, someone is nearby to get help.
I still feel nauseous (still on Ondansetron for that). I’m still in pain every second of every day. I still feel that weakness. But, I’m starting to have those okay moments where I can go shopping or play with my niece and nephew - both occurred over the last couple of days, a water fight two nights ago where I just stood there shooting a water pistol at them as they ran around me, and an hour out shopping with my niece. Yes, those hit hard the next day and up through the next week. I do not intend to push myself so hard I’m at risk of hospitalisation. But, I also need to work at rebuilding my stamina. My father and grandfather have special birthdays next year and I want to be able to attend the dinner organised...even if I can’t eat while there, as long as I’m there is what matters.
But, for now, it’s baby steps. Sitting up and watching a movie. Washing some dishes. Carefully playing with the kids. Try to keep the shopping trips short. Eat what is possible, not what is a must.
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destiels-w · 6 years ago
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Chapter 3
Yo this took me SOO LONG
word count: 1333
tw: none
———————————
I faintly hear whispering around me. I can feel the stiffness of my back. I try to move, but I can’t without feeling like I’m going to break.
“Owww.” I whine, opening my eyes & seeing Tony right next to my bed. I can make out a few other body shapes behind him but the blurry vision wasn’t going away.
“Tony, I’m sorry I’m here so late, I don’t mean to intrude.” I apologetically say to him.
“It’s okay, y/n. Could you tell me what happened?” He said calmly. Pepper was standing right behind him, her hand on his shoulder & reassuring him. Tears brimmed my eyes as I remembered the horrific events that took place. I squeezed my eyes shut dropping my head.
“Tyler,” I struggled to speak, “He kicked me out in the rain. I just remember the taste of blood, that’s all. I’m sorry, I can’t remember anything else.” I croaked out. I feel the hot tears run down my face. I don’t even risk the pain in wiping them away. I saw Tony’s face turn red, standing up & whispering something to Happy before sending him out. He sits back down & turns to me.
“Y/n, would you stay here? Please, I wouldn’t feel right about you being anywhere else.” He said, holding my hand. I paused, then nodded. This place was safer than anywhere else I could’ve been.
“Let me introduce you,” Tony stood up & motioned to the tall blonde, “this is Steve Rogers, Natasha, Sam-“
“Tony,” I laughed, “I know exactly who everybody is.” The dark haired man looks up at me.
“Everybody?” He mustered. I knew exactly who he was. James Barnes. Also known as The Winter Soldier. I did a research paper on him once.
“Everybody” I say with a smile. He gives me a slight nod, then looks back down at the floor.
“We will leave you to get some rest, if you need anything call us, okay?” Pepper cooed. I smiled & agreed. Everybody walked out. Leaving me to my thoughts for the night.
—————————
Ive grown to like everyone here. Atleast everybody has come to visit me, just getting to know them feels like a privilege. Bucky & Steve in particular come to visit me a lot. Steve will bring me books to read, and Bucky will come in with him. He doesn’t say much. Nat comes in to talk to me, I think to try & calm my nerves. Today I’m supposed to be leaving the medical compound. As long as Tony gives the okay.
Steve walks in & hands me a newspaper. Usually, Bucky would walk in behind him. Not today.
“You’re all out of book recommendations?” I joke. He doesn’t look like he’s in that mood today.
“Read the front page, y/n” he says. I look at him in confusion.
I flip the page over & see Tyler’s picture under the wanted title. He had a warrant for his arrest & he’s MIA.
“What does this mean?” I question. He takes a seat beside me. He looks tired. So worn out.
“It means, it’s not safe for you out there. It means that he could be anywhere, plotting anything.”
“You’re giving him a lot of credit, Steve. He’s a high school drop out” I laugh.
“I think you’re underestimating him, Y/N. There’s a lot about him that you don’t know...”
Tony walks in, “hey, you ready to go?” Steve hangs his head, gets up & is walks out. Tony gets to my side & pulls a wheelchair out.
“Tony, I am okay, I can function alone” I joke.
“You still have a head injury & your ribs are just starting to heal. You’re as stubborn as your old man.” He wheels me a few floors up on the elevator to a quiet little apartment like set up, with a beautiful view. Fully furnished, decorated. Most likely by Pepper.
“There’s a common kitchen downstairs. If you get lonely. But yours is fully stocked. Just tell FRIDAY if you need anything. You don’t really have a door, but you have an elevator that you can make accessible to others or not, when you please. Just press this lock button & the floor isn’t available.”
“I really appreciate all this, Tony. I can’t even begin to thank you enough.” I say, standing up for a hug. The warm embrace of my father is a feeling completely new to me, something I wanted to savor for a lifetime of never having a real father. He smiles & walks into the elevator.
“Sleep well, kid” he says before the door closes.
I sit back down slowly, starting to feel the soreness hit my chest. The wheels creek across the floor, eyeballing the detail in the floor. My own living room, bathroom, bedroom, kitchen. I felt more than grateful to Tony for letting me stay here. After wondering around for a bit, I go to lay down in my new bed. The room is all white. White dressers, white curtains, white walls. The bed looks like a queen size. Big enough for me to sprawl out. Big enough to have someone else in it. I manage to lift myself onto the bed, staring towards the ground. Everything that’s gone on in the past few days was overwhelming to me. Although I was in pain, I almost saw what happened to me as a blessing. I wouldn’t have had the guts to leave my foster parents. I wouldn’t have had the courage to make that decision on my own. The universe made it for me, telling me this is where I belonged. With my real family. People who cared about me & my well-being.
I was interrupted by a soft knock, I look up to find Bucky Barnes at my door. His hair half up, but some still falling in his face. His shirt was pressed right against his body, toned arms molded like a Greek god. I realize, I’m admiring him rather than responding to his presence.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay. See if you needed anything” he said softly.
“I’m alright, just... taking it all in right now. It’s all very surreal” I answer honestly, looking down at my feet. We both stay silent for a moment. I honestly don’t think he knows what to say.
“Well, if you need anything, I’ll be downstairs” he utters while walking out. He pops his head back in. “Are you hungry?” He questions. I laugh a little.
“I could eat” I say, as I go to to stand my legs give out, knocking me to the floor. Bucky hurries to me, he kneels down at eye level.
“Woah, you okay?” He looks at me with concern, looking for any scratches on my hands, turning them upside.
“Yeah I’m good. Just don’t have all my strength back yet. I’m sorry” I say, Bucky stands at the same pace as me. Making sure I steady myself. I reach for his forearms to balance.
“Don’t apologize, it’s alright. You stay in bed & I’ll grab you something.” He helps me onto the bed & I swing my feet around, burying them into my comforter. I close my eyes & lean my head back onto the head board. My mind starts to doze off. My legs feel like sand bags on my cozzy bed. Bucky comes back a few minutes later & sits on the edge of my bed, setting the plate of food on the other side of my legs.
“Thank you, Buck. I really do appreciate it. I hope you know you’re not obligated to be nice to me” I mutter.
“It’s not an obligation. I think what your going through sucks, and I know I wouldn’t want to do it alone” he cracks a grin, showing his pearl white teeth. The looming feeling of a secure family still creeps into my mind. This might be it, this could be my family.
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deana-r · 5 years ago
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Ageless Artifacts
By deana.r
During the Second World War, the Germans had dropped bombs against Britain as an offensive, resulting in its strategic failure. The area affected by the blitz later on became a site where further historical examinations have been held. Among the debris, a vase had been found, containing several letters that have already been worn from ashes and its own aging nature. The contents of those letters however, shocked the modern world in such a cultural level, that it was eventually immortalized in museums, historical fiction, and other entertainment branches. In our modern day society, it received a higher regard than what it might have gotten during its own time. 
Note: Some portions of the artifacts were smudged. The manner of addressing were also on a first name basis, hence the sender was unidentifiable, and the receiver vague.
I.
1936 
London, England
Dear Wilson, 
I turned nine today! You're still two months older that I am, but at least we're both the same age old, even if it's just for now. How is it in Newbury? Even though I'm all the way here in London, I hope you'll come and visit again! I still have that magnifying glass that you gave me. My little sister loves to play with it. Sometimes, she even asks Emily to play with her when I'm busy with my studies. She came to visit me today, and we played while our parents chatted. Remember Emily? She came around the same time you did a few months ago. I've grown to quite like her. She's pretty and cute. She always loves to bring her dolls around, and she'd never put them down. We're boys, so we like to play with wooden airplanes! At least, that's what my father tells me. He bought me an English war plane as a birthday present. It looks just like the ones from the Great War, with its majestic blue, red and white. My uncle came around today and told his stories to Dianne and I. Apparently, he had fought as a soldier. He was very brave. I couldn't understand why the army had made him spend half of his career in a dress and high-heels. My father once told me that men like that were undeserving to be called that – "men". I wonder what it means to be a man. Do you know Wilson? It seems like I won't be seeing him in a while. I wonder where he's leaving to. I hope it won't be long. Wilson, today was the first time I saw him leave without my father bidding him a goodbye. Father never forgets to say goodbye. Now, he's just staring at him with a frown. I hope they're not fighting.
Sinserely, (sorry if it's incorrect. I'm still working on my spelling)
Dianne and I
II.
1940
London, England
Dear Wilson, 
I'm still thinking about you every day. Dianne is looking forward to those strawberry tarts that you gave us during my thirteenth birthday. I remember my father had told me I'd finally become a man that day. Also, I've heard several stories about our childhood friend, Emily. It seems she's stopped her obsession with dolls and now moved on to fencing. Strange isn't it? A woman who fences. It's just as strange as a man who likes other men. At least, that's what my father tells me. Wilson, I still don't know what it takes to become a man. Do you need to be fearless and buff? Collect a hundred types of airplane models, and wish to serve the army? Because I don't. Yet, my father demands that I join the Royal Air Force by the time I turn fifteen. Wilson, I'm afraid that I won't be the man that my father wants me to be.
With much concern, 
me
III.
1941 
London, England 
Dear Wilson, Today, my classmates called me a "Nancy Boy". I didn't know what it meant, but I figured it was because of the poems that one of the boys found in my notebook. Lately, I've been writing a lot of those. It seems to be the only way I could truly express my emotions, because it's as if no one wants to lend an ear considering that I'm a boy. But Wilson, I want to thank you for listening to me. Truly, you are my best friend. I feel quite troubled though. I sent letters to my uncle – to his prison. Do you think he received them? He hasn't replied for quite a while. I hope he isn't too lonely. I found the picture locket that he gave me a few years ago. There was a picture of himself and another man, and now I've many questions yet to be answered. Anyway, how is it in Newbury? I'm a tad worried for you, because my father told me as of late that it was only a matter of time until the Germans come again. Do you think we'll win the war? The clouds are darker than they usually are. 
Sincerest wishes, 
Your childhood friend 
IV.
1942 
Lincolnshire, England 
Dear Wilson, 
I lost the end of the bargain. I've become a soldier. I was finally able to ask my Uncle some questions, and he told me to hide. I didn't understand what he meant until my first few days. It's just as what my Uncle had told me before he went to prison. There were men cladded in women's clothing, serving as entertainment for the fighting men. It seemed as if that was all they were told to do, as if that was all they were meant to do for the war – get laughed at. I couldn't tolerate the sight. They were the men who wanted to fight, to win, to gain victory for Britain, and yet, the authorities wouldn't let them. So what if they were queer? Wilson, I didn't understand why I needed to hide, but now it seems clear. This is all a load of rubbish. A man from my flight had been made fun of by one of our soldiers, and now that he had been caught, he's bound to serve the army the way he never expected, nor wanted. Why must they assume that a man's sexuality determines their bravery on the battlefield? I know for a solid fact that I don't deserve to be treated this unfairly, to only be imprisoned right after like my uncle, who had risked his life in the first war along with all the other fighting men. The law is terrible. 
Wilson, I've been a coward, but please abide by this request. Hide my letters in a place where no one would dare look – hide them somewhere safe. If anyone were to discover my writings, only God knows what they'll do to me next. I do not wish to stop writing to you, and I do miss you painfully, but this may be my last letter. There are still many things I have yet to say to you, but at a time in the skies, it's either fall of fly. If I live by the last dire moment, I promise I'll tell you the truth. If I don't, well, pray that I do. I can't say my final goodbye without seeing your face one last time.
With much hope, 
my life. 
Note: it was later on discovered that remnants of the letters have been found inside a burnt suitcase. The location was several miles west from the blitz, where a train had been bombed as well, resulting in the death of all passengers. Traces identified that the letters were connected with the ones prior, despite the Artifacts' critically damaged state.
V.
1942
Lincolnshire, England 
Dear Wilson, 
I miss the old days when you, Emily and I would run through the willow swept bridges above the river – our reflections, we used to smile at. Dianne misses it too. I... miss you too. Wilson, I know this might sound like it came out of the blue, but is it true? I heard that you're getting engaged with Emily, and that the both of you shall be wed by the time you turn eighteen. Do you love her? Wilson, there's still some things that I am unsure of, but by the time I've fit the puzzles in my head, please don't slip away from me yet. How do I explain? I suppose, I've never really liked airplanes. I've only liked being with you, and if you liked airplanes, I wanted to also do the same. How do I explain this feeling? It's quite difficult to comprehend. Whatever it is, I'm sure my father won't tolerate it. He may even hate me for it. I hope you won't. Dare I say, I hope you feel otherwise, the way I so passionately feel for you. Forgive me Wilson, but I- (the following words were smudged). 
Truthfully, 
Your Best friend
VI.
1943
Lincolnshire, England 
Wilson, 
Please, please reply to me as soon as you can. I must know that you are safe. I hear Newbury had been bombed from the skies – the Germans really did come again. Please Wilson, if you had passed first before me, I'd never feel deserving to live. Please, Wilson. Please give me another chance to see you. Didn't I promise that I'd return? I can't be too late. Wilson, I wished I could have told you everything from the beginning. Although we've known each other since we were children, I can't bear the notion that this is it. I'm so sorry that I was too late.
VII.
1943
Lincolnshire, England
Dear Wilson,
I heard your family was able to escape. Once you've received this letter, maybe the rest might have been burnt to dust. Maybe that would have been for the best, but Wilson, always keep this secret close to your heart. My uncle... he had told me to hide who I am, because we are - (the following words were incoherent), but we're also very beautiful people, Wilson. I know this to be true because my Uncle has always been kind, but many people can't understand what's there, because they only judge from so far. Remember the magnifying glass that you gave me? I wished so badly that they'd have those for eyes. There was this soldier who called me a "fruitcake", but I know he didn't mean anything sweet. I've been used for a year, Wilson, and I'm very tired of it. I'm tired of being thought of as weak, and I'm tired of waiting for the war to end, knowing that our very own British soldiers were going to persecute us by that time comes. The next time you see me, I don't want to be sleeping behind cold metal bars. I want to be with you and Emily, someplace safe and happy. Will you promise me that you'll do just that? Will you promise me you'll live happily? It's just like the airplanes. I won't until you'll be. 
Sincerely, 
R. C. 
VIII.
1945
Newport, England
Dear Wilson, 
I'm spending my birthday alone, and it only reminds me of how much I miss you. I still hold my uncle's picture locket dearly, and although his stories depicted sorrows until his last breath, I truly believe that his ghost was delivered happily to heaven. Just like him Wilson, I long for the day we find that happiness. That's all I've ever wanted. As long as I am able to stay by you, Emily and Dianne, there isn't anything else that I could ever ask for. Dianne, my beloved sister... I miss her, Wilson. I really do. I wish I could be there for her in London, but I cannot return home. Ever since I ran away from the station in Lincolnshire, I promised myself that I wouldn't ever look back. The skies are clearing though. Maybe my mind will too. My father said I was an abomination, and that I should have sacrificed my life in the skies like a noble man, but I know for sure that God loves me, and that it wasn't his plan. Because now, I've found a reason why I continue to live. The war is going to end soon, and by that time comes, I would have already ended my own. Thank you for everything. You know Wilson, there are many things that I find beautiful in this world. The way the sun glistens through ash-stained clouds, the way grass shines silver linings after a storm has gone, or the way your laughter sends earthquakes in my heart — you might think I jest, but it is true. I don't know when, but I know we'll meet again. Take care on that train Wilson, and take care of the child in Emily's womb. I wish you the best of all God's blessings, and I constantly pray for your safe arrival. 
Adieu Wilson. 
Yours forever, 
I love you
(P.S. I'm sorry I never told you) 
Note: after the bombing of the train, further examination has shown that the burnt suitcase in which the last four letters were found in, contained a photograph placed in between the pages of the owner's notebook. The face was slightly blurry, but seemed to be faintly smiling. The background was faded, yet it gave a bright memoir. The young man in the photo looked like an apparition from a far distance, but he still looked vividly alive. It was assumed that the subject in the photo was the unknown sender, the one Wilson had treasured the most. 
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