#also sorry for the og version of this post with the wrong pronouns i somehow missed/forgot they are nonbinary

[treesinspace]

Governor Ivenci is sooo funny every time they show show up, I really like them

I wish I could be nicer to them. Yknow, choose how to roleplay in my RPG

[infitsovermisfits]

Hi, could you please write an Eddie Munson fic where the reader was like a popular girl who was best friends with Nancy, and she's like totally in love with him

[no smut if possible although IDM, you write really well]

((sorry this took forever to write!!))

Tysm for the request and compliment omg 😭😭 I hope u don't mind that I use Gender Neutral pronouns here :)

info: I have quite the story with this: i started writing this when i was in another country in my notes just to map out how i wanted this. When i got back home, i wrote about 4k words of this, realised i characterised the reader completely wrong and had to rewrite the story into this :) I'll still post the other half but tweek it a little bit because i can't just waste 4k words like that come on ;-; I hope u like this requester!! I had fun writing this :) I'm sorry if it's slow, I was trying to pace it somehow and I... Yes :) this og version also had a party scene but I cut it because it didn't fit and I didn't like the direction it was going- so if I finish writing that it'll likely spawn another fic ;P such is the way of a perfectionist

Info 2: after making many many revisions to this the final tally is: this spawned 2 other fics that may get finished at a later date, and jesus chrsit did this drag on oh my god

WARNINGS: slower pace (sorry), reader is a senior, gender-neutral reader, self-conscious reader, reader has overbearing parents, brief allusion/mention of child abuse, use of the word suicide (once), mentions of underage drinking, underage drug use

MASTERLIST

word count: 7659

"Come on- no cute boys?" Nancy Wheeler asked as she walked beside you through the busy morning corridors of Hawkins High. You let out a long sigh as she stopped at her locker, quickly opening it and beginning to place the books she was carrying in her hands inside,

"You find me one cute boy at Hawkins, Nancy. They all look like they crawled out of a swamp," You groaned, rolling your eyes as you scanned the busy hallways from where you were leaning against a locker next to her, "They all smell worse than a swamp too," At your comments, she giggled, shaking her head.

There were positives to being popular- invitations to every party, access to all the gossip at school about anyone, endless compliments and offers to do any of your work for you... But the novelty wears off oh so quickly, and all the positives cannot outweigh the negatives. And it all just gets so boring. And when you realise you can't exactly have other people sit your final exams at the end of the year, you realised how much shit you were in.

That's where Nancy came in. She'd seen you struggling with biology and offered her help, and surprisingly, you found yourself growing closer with her. She quickly became one of your closest friends, simply because she wouldn't take any bullshit and was honest and more importantly real. Where your friends blindly agreed with anything you said or did, Wheeler would actively oppose you, offer criticism, or try to at least steer you in the right direction with whatever you needed. She also didn't actively try distracting you from your work, instead of encouraging you to do it and offering her home as a quiet place for you to work in. This was fresh; it was new; it was something that made your friendship so strong. 

Nancy was so sweet too- when you'd given her a matching best friend's necklace for her birthday, she looked like she was ready to cry. She had mentioned Barb, someone you didn't really get to know before her disappearance, and how she was her only friend for so long and how happy she was to have someone else in her life, now that Jonathan was so far away. With this, you quickly realised you should try and make her as happy as she could be in her final Senior Year at Hawkins- so what if your 'friends' questioned you or gave you weird looks if you chose her over them? They'd have to just get used to Wheeler being around.

Then you had your tutoring sessions. At the beginning of senior year, you had asked those who were doing your work to stop. Obviously, your grades rapidly dropped, causing your teachers to get worried. Biology remained stagnant, but the countless D's and F's on your report card that was usually plastered with straight A's and flattery made the colour drain from your face at the idea of your parents seeing it. After a particularly tense parent-teacher conference, it was mutually agreed that you'd greatly benefit from daily, after-school tutoring sessions. And you had little to say about it under the scrutiny of your parents.

There, you'd met Eddie. 

Jocks; athletes; popular kids. Those were the people you hung out with at school and at parties. They made up your friend group, they surrounded you wherever you went. The 'outcasts' and the 'freaks' always piqued your interest, but God forbid you ever interact with them and commit social suicide. That's why you almost appreciated these tutoring sessions- though they were incredibly boring and sometimes difficult to focus on, they allowed you to interact with people you would usually be shunned by your friends for.

Eddie was 'The Freak'. The loud Satanist who insults back at your friends and made a fool of himself where he could to entertain his Hellfire Club friends. It surprised you when you first saw him in the tutoring sessions. Like you, he was failing only... Worse as you came to find out. Compared to the loud image you had of him, he was always very quiet. Wide brown eyes watching whoever was running the session, occasionally flicking down to write a few notes, then looking out of the window. He was never here on Fridays, and a small part of you was curious about where he'd disappear to. He'd always lazily drop into his chair and lean back in it, legs stretching out and spreading open under the desk as he pulled out a notebook and pencil and lazily scribbled notes down. Even doing so simple, to you, it was worth coming just to watch him.

You didn't speak to one another at first; not until one Thursday evening in November. You had a rather clear view of him from the corner of your eye where you sitting. You'd glance up at the chalkboard, scan the text, glance down to write it, then sneak a glance at the metalhead. Today, his legs were bouncing more than usual. You could faintly hear the tapping of his feet along with the annoying scratches and screeches of the chalk on the board. The tutor had even asked him a few times to stop tapping, only to earn mumbled apologies and eye rolls. You usually bounced your legs so much when you were nervous- sometimes at parties waiting for the alcohol to fill your veins and give you the confidence to dance. Or the one time your parents discovered your grades and spent the evening yelling at you... 

As the session grew to a close, you noticed him begin to pack his things up much earlier than the rest of your group, and before the tutor could even say their 'good afternoons', he was out of the door, hair bouncing and bag almost falling out of his grip as he left. You glanced at his vacant space as you packed your own things out and noticed a black notebook that had been left behind. Glancing at the others, too focused on hurriedly putting their own things away, you picked it up and looked it over. 

It was worn, old, clearly, and you desperately wanted to peek inside and see what secrets were in there. This wasn't the notebook he used for his notes- that one was a fresh, a new one specifically bought for school notes, decorated in crude drawings of lightning flashes and grinning faces, as well as creatures you only briefly saw in flashes when he'd open the book. This one was also covered in doodles, painted in white paint- you could tell from where some of them were smeared, leaving streaks of white paint against the black material. There was no legible writing, though, by the drawing of a strangely shaped die on the front, it indicated this was a 'DnD' notebook, or so you guessed- your brother played that game when he was younger. Personally, you never touched the game, not understanding the rules. And after finding out it was the 'devils' game, you tried staying as far away from it as possible.

So why, was the notebook now sitting atop your sheets and looking so inviting for you to look inside. You'd scanned the front so many times, that the drawings were almost certainly committed to memory by now. Deep down, you know you couldn't- you couldn't invade his privacy like this. But what if reading it told you more about Eddie and gave you a chance to finally have something to talk to him about...? 

It was weird enough that you'd essentially stolen it from him- maybe you should just give it back? Yeah- you'd give it back tomorrow!... After you read a few pages. With trembling hands, you reached to pry the book open, before freezing and glancing to your top drawer where you kept your journal locked inside an old make-up box. All the things you wrote in there flooded your head and you immediately dropped his book back down. If he had any secrets in here and you read them, you'd be invading his privacy- and that was just a shitty thing to do. You wouldn't want anyone to read through your stuff, so you shoved the book back inside your bag that night out of sight and mind, while ensuring you had it ready for the morning,

"Hey, where does Munson usually hang out?" You asked your group of friends the Friday morning after, as you stood around outside of school. A silence falling amongst them at your question,

"Ahaha- very funny," One of the Jocks said, and you sent him a glare, 

"I'm being serious," You said, watching as they all gave you strange looks, "I uh... I want to get something good for the party tomorrow," You smiled in reassurance, and watched as they mostly relaxed,

"You shouldn't go near him alone, I can go with you," The guy said next to you, arm moving around your shoulders and face moving close. You laughed, shrugging him off, 

"I'm perfectly fine on my own," You assured, "Any curse he tries to throw on me, I'll just deflect," You said, and watched him blink confusedly at your statement, pushing him away, "Are you guys gonna tell me or not?" You sighed, and when no one replied, you rolled your eyes, "Anyways..." You tried breaking the awkwardness, "Uhh- I just remembered Nancy needs me. Something about biology and... Cutting frogs," You made a face, before leaving them quickly. 

You had to find Munson by yourself, which wasn't great since you knew he never shows up to tutoring on Fridays and you can't just see him at lunch in front of everyone. You walked through the school's halls, smiling and waving politely at the students you passed, taking and returning compliments as you went. You paused suddenly as two boys walked around you, Eddie's name falling from their lips and ringing in your ears. You turned swiftly, following after them for a little bit until they disappeared into a mostly empty corridor. When you were sure no one was looking, you dipped in after them, watching as they disappeared into a club room. It was one of the old drama club classrooms- you used to go here all the time in freshman year...

It was still early but you wanted to see him alone, and without anyone here. You sighed, leaning against the adjacent classroom and getting lost in thought. Your name falling from someone's lips startled you, and you relaxed at the sight of Nancy Wheeler approaching you, 

"Why're you here?" She asked curiously, coming to stand in front of you,

"Oh, I'm... Reliving old memories," You smiled, pointing to the other drama room that was unoccupied, "I used to go here all the time as a Freshman," You sighed, "I was super passionate about theatre," She laughed at that,

"Right yeah, you told me. Still obsessed with Romeo and Juliet?" You made a face,

"Don't remind me of that awful thing," You sighed, trying the locked door and frowning softly, 

"They don't use them anymore for health and safety reasons," She tapped the sign clearly plastered on the door, "Plus, with the funding, they pulled it's kinda useless to them now. It's a miracle Hellfire even got that room," She nodded her head to the other door, the same one you wanted so badly to go to,

"Hellfire?" You had to play dumb, you had to play dumb,

"Right," She chuckled, "It's a DnD thing? Mike's really into it," She explained, waving a hand, "The idiot forgot his lunch so I have to bring it to him or mom'll tear my head off," She said. And before you could speak up, she was knocking on the door and letting herself in. 

There he was, perched on his throne and watching you newcomers curiously, hand raised for the two boys to stop talking. Orange and blue light illuminated him, shining on his features from the overhead stage lights hitting the table and him. He was just missing a crown- he'd look like a king. Slowly, he stood, clapping his hands together and offering you both a wide smile,

"Greetings," He said, and you gave a little wave to him, as he moved forward, "To what do we owe your company on this most joyous of days?" He asked theatrically, and you forced yourself to not laugh,

"Hello, Eddie," Nancy said with a sigh, before her gaze turned to Mike, "Dumbass, you forgot your lunch," Nancy said, an edge to her voice as her younger brother shot up from where he was sitting, ducking under Eddie's outstretched arms,

"Ahh, and here I was thinking you two would be joining us this evening," He said, and he looked between the two of you. Frankly, you were too mesmerised by his hair swishing as he moved to register his words until his eyes met yours. Your brain emptied itself out and filled with nothing but thoughts of him, doing its best to commit to memory the fact that he looked at you. Fuck. Your heart only sped up like this if you were too high and freaked out. But this was... Pleasant. You returned a small smile and opened your mouth to say something,

"We're good, Eddie," She cast him a tight smile and glanced at Mike, "But if you're late tonight, you're walking home," She threatened,

"But-"

"Mike!" She said warned sharply. She rustled the bag at him, and you watched him sigh as he took the bag from her,

"At least say thanks, Micheal," You piped up, folding your arms and tilting your head at him,

"It's not Micheal," He said, moving back to where he was sitting to put his food back into his bag, 

"Sure it is Micheal!" You grinned, glancing at Nancy who shook her head, "You should really thank your poor, poor sister. She's making sure you're getting fed," You pouted, putting an arm around Nancy's shoulders and pulling her close. You grinned at how pissed off it was making the boy and saw his lips move in a mumble,

"Oof- can't hear you, Micheal," You chirped,

"Yeah, what was that Micheal?" Eddie now chimed in, watching him with a wide grin too,

"Thank you- oh my God," The boy said exasperated, and you laughed softly, pulling Nancy out of the room, "Thanks for the help, Eddie," You said, waving to him as you exited. You laughed with Nancy as she led you from the room and began to chat with you easily. Eddie's notebook is still in your bag between your own books and folder though. Shit.

You had to figure out a way to give this book back as soon as possible. You even considered ditching the tutoring session to try and follow him, but that'd only hurt your grades- and you needed to graduate this year. The session moved by agonisingly slowly, and you spent most of it trying to figure out the right words, rather than outwrite admitting that you found Eddie's notebook and stole it. You sighed in relief as it finally came to a close and pulled the book from your bag while you were putting your own things away, beginning to walk through the pleasantly empty, quiet halls. You gravitated towards the drama classrooms, hearing cheering and loud noise, and stopping as a group of boys walked out yelling and chatting amongst themselves. 

 Wheeler, who you recognised from the mess of chin-length black hair, emerged first, running through the halls and hoping to catch Nancy before she left without him. His friend, a mess of curly hair hidden under a hat, followed quickly after him. Then finally, the other boys walked slowly with Eddie, still talking to him before he stopped at the fork in the hallway. There he was, grinning to himself as he produced car keys from his pockets. Soon enough, you heard 'bye's' and 'see you next weeks!', and there he was, turning and walking towards you.

He stopped, seeing you watching him, and, comically, turned to look over his shoulder at the empty hall. He then turned back to you, who offered him a small wave. He made a small gesture to himself, mouthing 'me?', and you couldn't help but laugh,

"Yeah, you," You said to him, slowly walking forward. You produced the book from where you'd safely tucked it under your arm and presented it to him, holding it out at arm's length. His expression morphed into a shocked one, eyes growing wide as he recognised the drawings and his lost object, "I didn't-" You said quickly, "Like, I-" Any preparations you made in that session fell through at his sudden closeness. "Uhh- ahaha," You laughed, more at yourself and how pathetic you felt. He took the book from you, a frown on his face as he quickly skimmed through the pages,

"You didn't... Go through it, did you?" He asked with a frown, glancing up at you,

"No!" You assured him quickly, "You- you left it behind yesterday after our tutoring thing. You left too quick for me to uh... Catch up to you and give it back then," You explained, and watched him slowly nod. He went back to flicking through the book,

"Right," He said. You could hear the scepticism in his tone as he went quiet again. You shuffled nervously, and almost turned to leave before he spoke again, "Sorry- I just can't be too sure," He mumbled, glancing back up at you, "Your friends don't really like me," He gave a slight smile, and though it didn't reach his eyes, it was still really pretty, "I was worried this'd be tampered with but it's not," He said,

"Oh! Yeah, no one saw it," You said quickly, "I put it in my bag so I could keep it safe for you," You explained, cringing slightly at your choice of words. For some fucking reason, you could talk to any boy in this godforsaken school with ease, but when it came to Eddie, your mouth moved too quickly and your brain lagged behind, "I wasn't uh... Sure when I'd see you again so... Yeah," You said, "Glad to have... Gotten it back to you... Now," You said,

"Safely," He added, closing it, "Well, thanks- a lot. I've been going crazy looking for this," He indicated to the book that he now hid away in his bag, "Tore my trailer up last night looking for it," He smiled,

"Oh!" You said, raising your brows, "Didn't know it was that important to you," You laughed softly, "Sorry,"

"It's okay," He said in such a friendly tone it made your stomach flip and heart ache for him to say it again, "Thanks for keeping it safe away from your friends... They don't like me very much,"

"Yeah- sorry," You said again, looking away and shuffling your feet, "They can be real fucking assholes," You sighed,

"Tell me about it," Eddie said sarcastically, but not in a malicious way. In a funny way. So you laughed, "You're not though," He said, and you glanced up at him,

"Hmm?" You hummed, 

"An asshole," He added, "You could have ruined that book. Ripped it to shreds, read through it..." He said, and you bit the inside of your lip slightly. You'd been a witness to some of those things when you were younger, "But you didn't," He gave you a slight smile, "So thanks,"

"Uhuh," You nodded, "You weren't in our uh... Session today," You pointed out, "I had to go and hunt you down," He chuckled softly, and you felt your heart beat a little faster in your aching chest,

"Yeah, Fridays are kinda sacred to me," He said, nodding his head back to where he had come from, "I'm the DM in our Hellfire club. It sorta falls apart without me there," He said confidently,

"DM...?" You asked slowly in confusion, 

"Dungeon Master- for Dungeons and Dragons," He clarified, and you nodded, 

"Right- of course, you are," You nodded, and he looked at you, "So uh. Did you need the notes for today?" You asked, and he looked at you surprised, maybe a little confused, "I uh-" You were already searching in your bag for the notebook you used to keep your notes in, "I even made sure you could read what I was writing," You laughed to yourself, passing him the book, "It was Biology,"

"I hate biology," He commented, taking your book and smoothing a hand over it. You laughed softly,

"Me too," You agreed, "I was really bad with it untill Nancy started helping me,"

"Wheeler, right..." He nodded, your notebook now safely tucked in his bag, "That's why you guys were together this morning?"

"Well, yeah, and she's my friend," You explained, "Because of the biology thing. So I guess it's not all too bad," You smiled,

"Weren't you a straight-A student?" He clicked his finger at you, looking at you confused, and you slowly nodded,

"Yeah, but only because I wasn't doing any of the uh... Work," You said, embarrassed to even admit to your faults, "I didn't really treat school too seriously for a while- and with so many people just... Offering to work for me, it was hard to say no," You said, looking away from him, "Gave me a lot of free time... Too much free time. Then, during the summer I kinda realised I'm gonna be the one writing my final exams, and not them, and so I thought, oh! These first essays, I'm gonna do myself... And I got probably the worst grades you've ever seen," You joked,

"Believe me," He raised his brows, beginning to walk slowly with you, "I know what bad grades are," He smiled slightly, "Or else I wouldn't be wasting my time in those sessions after school,"

"Right," You tapped your forehead with your fingers, "Sorry, I'm uh... Yeah," You nodded, before continuing, "Well, my teachers weren't happy... Neither were my parents," You grimaced, "Got this whole long terrifying talk that I won't get into college and they'll kick me out and I'll be homeless or something," You shrugged, sighing as you recalled the evening you returned home, having spent your time drinking with your friends. Still buzzed and hoping to go to sleep, you instead found yourself sat on the couch in your living room, crying silent tears that stung your burning cheek, and ears filled with the angry ramblings of your father, "So yeah... Kinda lit a fire under my ass, and now I'm doing what I can to just pass," You sighed, "Definitely not a straight-A student," You grimaced again, glancing up at him,

"I mean, it could be worse," He said, twirling his car keys, "This is my third time passing senior year," He sighed, "Kinda makes me wish I had someone yell at me and get me to try harder," He smiled, and you nodded your head slightly, "But alas... All I got is a deep-rooted hatred for this fucking place," He glanced around at the barren white halls, illuminated by fluorescent lights, 

"You'll get out eventually, Eddie," You reassured him, and he turned to look at you, "Uhh- Nancy told me that I should have a more positive attitude surrounding this whole thing," You explained, 

"A what?" He asked playfully, and you laughed,

"Instead of thinking 'I'm not gonna make it' think 'I'm going to try to make it,'" You said, "Like uh... Tricking your brain to thinking you like something when you really hate it," You said,

"Why would I want to do that?" He said, making a face, 

"To fit in...?" You asked softly, and he raised his brows, 

"Mmmh... Guess you're used to that, darling," Your eyes widened slightly at the use of the pet name, and he walked forwards a little faster, pushing the exit open for you and holding the door open for you, "But not me," He gave you a slight smile and a wink, and you almost stopped being able to function. You swallowed nervously, mumbling a thank you as you walked out of the door first and glanced over your shoulder at him,

"You've never had to pretend to like something to fit in?" You asked, almost incredulously,

"Nope," He shut the door, looking down at you, "Then again..." He said, standing next to you and leaning over so his head was close to your ear, "I don't have friends who are assholes," As he straightened again, he gave you a warm smile, and you only nodded, glancing through the parking lot,

"Uh..." You stuttered, "I hate parties," You admitted, and he tilted his head slightly. Something about those large round, brown eyes and the way his general disposition was reminded you of a puppy, and you couldn't help but smile at him, 

"You?" He asked surprised, "Hate parties?" You nodded at his shocked expression,

"Yeah..." You smiled, "Drugs and alcohol relax me enough to have an okay time, but sometimes I take too much of either and get super nervous," You sighed, "I don't like the crowd; the loud music; the... People there..." You grimaced, "But I know if I don't go, I'll get..." You shook your head, "My friends won't be happy. It's like I'm expected to be there. And I don't wanna disappoint anyone," You frowned. You suddenly realised you were spilling your deepest insecurities to someone you didn't know that well- and a guy you happened to have a crush on- and you had to collect yourself, "But uh, yeah..." You couldn't meet his gaze, too embarrassed to even look up

"Well... if you didn't have to go to a party, what would you do instead?" He asked.

For some reason, you didn't have an answer straight away. No one had ever asked you what you wanted... Certainly not any boy. You blinked at him, mouth gaping open as you stared at him in shock, and your brain searched for an answer so you wouldn't be stuck in silence. He seemed to realise that you didn't have an answer, but instead of saying anything he just nodded for you to go on. You swallowed, licking your lips slightly and glancing away so you could focus,

"I... Would prefer to stay at home..." You said slowly, thinking, then smiling softly and tapping a finger to your lips, "I'd get some vodka and drink it by myself-"

"Oh, that took a turn," He said, and you glanced at him with a smile,

"Beer's just too gross for my taste," You made a face, and he nodded for you to go on, "I'd get drunk by myself... Or with Nancy. Depends if-"

"With Nancy?" He said surprised, "She drinks?"

"If she wants," You smiled at him, "I convinced her to share a joint with me once too," You said, laughing softly as he opened his mouth in shocked,

"Okay- wow?" He said, laughing too, "Guess you really do learn something new every day," He smiled,

"Mhm," You hummed, "I'd also be watching a movie,"

"What movie?"

"I'm not telling you- you're gonna laugh," You said, shaking your head,

"I'm not gonna laugh," He said, watching you. You looked at him, meeting his eyes, "Come on- I play Dungeons and Dragons for fun," He said, "I'm the last person to laugh at anything you'll say," He said. It did make sense. Eddie clearly wasn't like any boy you'd met before and you so greatly appreciated that. With a bracing sigh, you shook your head,

"You heard of 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show'?" You looked up at him, fearing his reaction,

"Have I heard- I love that movie!" He grinned, and you looked at him shocked,

"I haven't..." You smiled, "I've never met anyone else who likes that movie," You grinned, "I kinda accidentally saw it with my older sister once at a theatre when we visited Indianapolis and it was so good!" You grinned, "Then we saw it again when they showed it in Starcourt last year," You grinned, "I haven't seen it since but God, would I love to,"

"That sounds a lot more fun than a party," He said, and you looked at him with wide eyes, "You should invite me over," He said playfully, and you laughed, 

"Sure! I don't m-" The sudden sound of a car honking brought you out of your conversation, and you squinted in the darkness to see Nancy Wheeler and her brother watching you from her car, "Shit- ah... Sorry, Eddie," You looked at him apologetically, "I'll see you... Later," You said, quickly running down the stairs. Your name attached to the end of his goodbye made you turn, just before you crossed the empty parking lot to get to her car,  "How'd you know my name?" You asked curiously as he passed by you,

"Your notebook," He replied, before giving you a slight salute and walking to his van, "Say Hi to the Wheelers for me!" He called after you, and you watched his mess of hair as he faded into the darkness. You slid into the front seat next to Nancy, a smile glued to your lips,

"Still think there's no cute boys at Hawkins?" Nancy asked you with a smirk as your seatbelt clicked into place. It took you a moment, but when you recognised her words, you shoved her shoulder playfully, smiling, 

"Shut up, Nancy," You grinned, rolling your eyes,

"Hey, how come they get to be late and I don't?" Mike chimed in from the backseat,

"Because I'm Nancy's friend?" You said, frowning as if it was obvious, "You're just her annoying little brother, Micheal," You turned your head to stick your tongue out at him,

"Whatever," He huffed, turning his head so his forehead pressed against the glass. You looked to Nancy as she drove out of the parking lot, a smile fixed on her lips,

"What?" You asked, "Nancy, what?" You smiled softly as she shook her head,

"You like Eddie, huh?" She asked, and you rolled your eyes, 

"I'm not answering that," You said, though your eyes flicked up to the rear view mirror and caught sight of the headlights of his van as he drove a distance behind Nancy's car, 

"Come on- I saw how you looked at him!" She grinned, "Does he smell like a swamp?" At that you laughed, loud,

"Nancy, oh my God!" You grinned, "First of all, shut up and drive before I jump out of this car and second!!" You grinned as she laughed, "So what if I do? He's probably the first boy here to be nice to me without trying to get in my pants and ask me questions about my interests," You said, "To see me... As a person and not... Y'know," You shrugged, sighing softly and leaning your own head against the window,

"Uhuh," She nodded, "What'd he ask you?" She asked, giving you a small smile, "You looked enamoured," She commented,

"Not telling you... Here," You said, glancing over at her, then flicking your gaze to Mike, "Not with him there," You side eyed Mike, 

"What? Why?" The kid frowned, 

"Cause you're gonna blab something stupid to Eddie," You said, rolling your eyes, 

"That you like him?"

"Micheal," You grinned as he corrected 'Mike' under his breath, "First of all, I never said I like him; Nancy did. Secondly, I had one-" You lifted a finger up,"-conversation with him. That doesn't mean I'm falling head over heels. And besides, I already said I'm not saying anything in this car while you're here," You said, sighing as you turned back, relaxing into the comfortable seat, "Besides... It's not like..." You bit your lip, "Nevermind," You sighed softly,

"No, what is it?" Nancy asked, glancing at you with a small frown, but you quickly dismissed it waving your hand,

"Don't worry," You mumbled, turning up the music and letting Madonna fill the car as you stared out of the window. You let your mind run as your eyes focused on the dark houses as they passed by, lost in thoughts of Eddie and his kindness towards you this evening. About how badly you wanted to spend more time with him and not your friends. He seemed more real than they could ever try to be- he hadn't laughed at your favourite movie choice, in fact, he liked it too! And he was so warm and friendly it... Was fresh and delightful. You couldn't remember the last time you'd laughed without the need to fake it.

 All too soon, Nancy pulled up to her house and told Mike to leave the car, before killing the engine and looking at you. It took you a moment to realise where you where, and when you did, your eyes met, 

"What is it, Nance?" You asked curiously, "End of the line? Need me to get out?" You smiled, though reached for the handle,

"No, I just... Wanted to talk to you," She smiled softly, gently taking her hand in yours. You tilted your head slightly,

"About?" You asked confused,

"Eddie,"

"Right," You pulled your hand from hers and grabbed your bag from between your legs, "This was a lovely ride, Wheeler but I gotta go," She quickly said your name, which caused you to freeze and glance back at her,

"Please...?" She asked, with a small frown. You really didn't want to talk to her about this, especially not now, but the reminder that Nancy hadn't had many friends- especially to talk about boys made you reconsider.  You sighed, heavily dropping the bag and back into the seat, causing the car to shake slightly,

"What... Do you want to know?" You asked, rolling your eyes but smiling as you saw a grin spreading across her face, 

"Okay. When did you realise you liked him?" She asked eagerly, and you sighed, closing your eyes and rubbing them gently,

"A while ago, I guess," You smiled softly, "I don't know- maybe watching him be so... Free and so... Himself  was admirable to me- annoying sometimes but... You gotta hand it to him, he has a lot of confidence... And then I guess my admiration grew into," You sighed, "A crush," You admitted to humour her, "I realised in the tutoring sessions,"

"Oh right- because- yeah I see that," She nodded, 

"He's... Very quiet there. He has this look like he's actually trying to learn," You said, "And I don't know... He looks cute?" You smiled as she laughed, 

"You don't care that he plays a game for kids?" She asked with a smile, 

"Hey, don't make me start on Byers," You warned, "Have you told him to cut his hair? Or at least wash it?" You teased, and she laughed,

"I actually don't know if he's cut it or not," She smiled sadly,

"Next time you write, ask him for a picture," You said, "Or... Have you been sending him pictures already?" You asked in a teasing way, and smirked as her eyes grew wide,

"Ew- Oh my God," She said as she caught on to what you were insinuating, unlocking your door, "I was gonna drive you home but you're walking now," She grinned,

"Have you!? Please I have to know- Wheeler!!" You said, grabbing her arm and shaking it playfully before grinning and letting her go, 

"Goodnight!!" She said, waving you off and shaking her head as you dropped back in your seat, laughing to yourself. With a small sigh, you settled in the seat, before glancing at her,

"You know... I also think I really like him because he's so different to me," You admitted quietly, placing your finger to your mouth and gently biting at the skin surrounding your fingernail, "I'm... Popular. I've got a lot of friends, a lot of people like me... But they don't see me. They see something I created for them to see- a caricature of who I really am. All the... Good and perfect parts are pulled to the surface and all the ugly gets buried deep and away from view," You rambled, frowning softly, "But Eddie is... Eddie," You smiled, "He doesn't care what people think of. My friends- they call him a 'freak' and a 'Satanist', but I don't get that from him at all, you know?" You sighed, "It's like- they judge him before even giving him a chance... Good thing he doesn't let himself be judged... I wish I could be like that," You sighed, letting your head drop back against the headrest,

"Why can't you?" She asked, and you glanced over at her, "Why can't you just be yourself?"

"I... Don't think I've thought about that before," You frowned, "I guess I realised through the weird looks whenever I'd talk about something I liked that the others didn't like it. And if I talked about something they approved of, they liked me. My... Parents have always expected perfection. My grades, my behaviour... I gave that to them, and when it fell apart they were... Mad... I think I really lost their respect with the whole fake straight A thing..." You said, rubbing your arm gently,  "And I know if my friends caught me hanging around with Eddie Munson, I'd... Lose everything I've made for myself at Hawkins,"

"Yeah, but school isn't everything," She said, starting the car back up again and turning the radio down so much you could hardly hear the music, "You would rather spend the rest of your senior year pretending to be who you're not, with people you don't care about?" She asked, "Besides, you wouldn't be completely friendless. You'd still have me," She smiled at you, and you smiled back,

"Yeah... I'd still have you, Wheeler," You echoed, sitting upright and putting your seatbelt on with a small sigh. You considered her words, and maybe just maybe they were getting to you. Really, what would you be losing if you just stopped hanging out with your friends and doing what you wanted to do? Your popularity? The company of those who only used you for your status? Comparing them, the negatives of popularity outweighed the positives... And leaving it had more positives: you already had your genuine friendship with Nancy and you'd also gain a friendship with Eddie... If you were lucky, maybe something more...

It was those thoughts that flooded your brain when you dug out a black sweater you rarely wore and adorned as many necklaces as you could without looking insane, revoking your usual green and yellow sweaters, before hopping into Nancy's car. It was those thoughts that occupied your brain as you walked through the halls and smiled at the students watching you with wide, surprised eyes as you barely spared a glance to your confused friends. It was those thoughts that prompted you, during break, to pass by your usual lunch table and walk over to Eddie. You were thankful you were thankful he was the only one there, for now. It gave you more time alone,

"Hey," You smiled at him. He hadn't been looking at you, focused on sketching something in that black notebook. At your greeting, his head turned sharply, and he instinctively pulled the book closed, standing quickly to greet you, 

"Hi...?" He asked a little unsurely, glancing at the table you'd usually sit at. Quickly, you stuck your hand out, and told him your name as if he didn't know it. He glanced down at it, and took it in his own, shaking it. 

"Can I sit here?" You asked as you pulled your hand from his, pointing to the seat Gareth would usually take. He gave you a nod, before you sat down, placing your elbows on the table to watch him,

"Can I uhm... Ask what you're doing?" He asked, amused as he sat down next to you,

"Ditching my friends," You said plainly, focusing on him and resisting the urge to look to where you usually sat, "I talked with Nancy yesterday and she made me realise a few things," You explained, "I've been pretending to be someone I'm not since 8th. Surrounding myself with people I really couldn't care less about leaving... I think I prefer your company more than those assholes," You told him, inclining your head to the people you had left stunned. He took a moment to study you, eyes darting over your face, trying to see any hint that you were lying, or playing a prank on him... But found nothing. He gave you a warm smile, which caused your heart to flutter pleasantly,

"Well then, my dear," He said, straightening, "Welcome to the darkside," He grinned as you laughed at the statement, "That's a cool sweater, by the way," He commented, 

"Gotta start my descent to madness somehow," You smiled at him.

Who knew that you'd make the best decision of your life that day? If you only knew how much happier you'd become since you left the prison of popularity and became an outcast, you'd do it much sooner. Sure getting called a freak by those you were once close with hurt some part of you deep down, but who cared when Eddie was there to defend you by your side, slinging an arm around your shoulders and pulling your forward, making some comment that made you laugh. 

Another perk was the fact that no one wanted you at their parties anymore- which meant you'd have more time studying, as boring as it was, or hanging out at Hellfire. You really had no clue why they ever called DnD the devils game- it was far from it. You found it enjoyable, and seeing this new side of Eddie only made your crush for him grow more. What you loved more than Hellfire were the rides home you'd share with Eddie. Nancy, after a fight with her younger brother (or so she told you with a wink), flat out refused to collect him so Harrington usually got Henderson and Wheeler together, which left you alone with Eddie. 

On one February evening, when you where hotboxing the back of his van in celebration of his first ever B, you'd leaned over and kissed him, leaving him pleasantly stunned, and you incredibly proud with yourself.  

"Damn, babe- why's your favourite movie gotta be such a sad one?" You heard him say from behind you, clearly chocked up by the ending. You laughed softly, though whiped your eyes on the back of your hands to clear them of tears,

"I just love it so much," You sniffled, "The aliens got to go home," You turned your head to look at him over your shoulder, "It got you too, didn't it?" You grinned as you saw faint tear tracks glittering on his face in the low light of his trailer and felt his arms that had been loosely wrapped around his middle pull you close to him, forcing to lay against his chest, 

"Sure. It got me, seeing a stupid aliens in their magical flying house," He said, and you grinned softly as you felt him nuzzling against your hair and neck,

"They're going to do the time warp again," You said, before sniffling playfully, causing him to laugh against your skin. You felt the vibrations through your body and smile pleasantly as the credits begun to roll on the screen,

"They are," He hummed. You let your eyes fall shut peacefully, feeling his hands move to gently shift your hair out of the way as his lips pressed gentle, loving kisses to your skin, not intent on starting anything, simply occupying himself with what was in front of him,

"Did you have a good time at least?" You asked, 

"Mhm. You don't have to ask me that, you know, sweetheart?" He smiled as you turned your head so you could see him, "I always have a good time with you around," The compliment made you blush and roll your eyes, trying to turn your head away, only to feel his fingers gently touching your chin and moving it to look back at him, "I'm being serious, sweetheart," He hummed, kissing your jaw gently, "I think you're probably the best thing that's happened to me all year," With that statement, he hugged you tighter, and you only smiled at his words, setting your hands on top of his,

"I think I should be the one saying that, Eds," You said, fingers running over his rings, "You know how scared I was getting this movie?" You laughed to yourself,

"Why?" He asked, lifting his head from where he had been resting it on your shoulder,

"Thought Harrington might find me weird," You said, gently picking his hand up in yours and beginning to play with his fingers. He allowed you to bend then and caress your fingers over the callouses he had developed from years of playing and practicing guitar,

"I don't think he'd have thought you were weird," You heard him say, from behind you, then feeling the welcome weight of his head back on your shoulder, "I bet he gets far weirder customers asking for far weirder movies everyday," He said, and you sighed softly, 

"I guess so..." You said, grimacing slightly,

"Besides, of course I'd want to watch your  favourite movie with you," He said; you could hear the smile in his voice, "I made you watch the Evil Dead," You laughed softly,

"Mhm," You hummed, taking his other hand off of you and standing. You moved your hand against his so your fingers interlocked and he stood up, following after you, "I liked that one," You commented, glancing over his messy counters for any food, before letting him go so you could rummage through his shelves. Finding an unopened box of cereal, you took it out, looking over it before setting it before him and leaning on the other side of the counter, mimicking his position, "Wasn't scared either," He laughed,

"I'm so proud of you, babe," He said, grabbing the cereal and practically ripping it open, digging his hand inside and beginning to messily eat, 

"Yuck- save some for me," You said, grinning as you tried moving your hands between his, laughing as you fought over the cereal. 

Maybe some would think your life was less interesting now- considering you only really had two people you were truly close to anymore. But why would you ever need those if you had Eddie with you? Fighting over cereal was far better than sliding between drunk, sweaty bodies from room to room to songs you forgot existed. Nancy was right- life was better being yourself in the arms of someone who genuinely loved you, and in the company of those who were kind, and unapologetically authentic. 

[therealvinelle]

Ok I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I'm just now copying your Norwegian Bella AU into a text translator, and if you don't already have 50 people in your inbox demanding a translation then shame on ALL OF US because this is glorious! And while Google Translate does have a certain charm (it translated "piper hun ut" as "she beeps") I'm curious to see how you'd put it in English.

Troquantary is referring to this post. In which Bella doesn't speak English.

Fun fact, you're the only one who's gone into my inbox to request this. I was so sad, had the translation half-written and everything, but I was too proud to beg. So thank you, Troquantary, for popping this ask.

As for the dictionary fuckups, sounds about right. I made a few typos, too, that made Google Translate suffer even more. (Such as managing to mix up "henne" (her) and "hendene" (hands), resulting in Aro patting Bella instead of clapping his hands. Poor Google.)

Also, there are a few cultural references and language things that would be lost in the translation, in an attempt to keep them I included notes clarifying things.

Some things, like Aro and Carlisle's very old man way of speaking, are easier said than done to translate, you'll have to bear with me there.

Additional notes are that I added a few things to this version, many of them because translating is hard, but a few because while translating I thought "oh you know what would be much funnier-" and then wrote that.

Alright, without further ado:

When Renée left Charlie she did not go to Florida, she went to Oslo. And she went all in to make her daughter a true Norwegian, hiring Norwegian nannies and making sure never to speak English around the child. Since transatlantic flights are expensive, little Bella Swan rarely got to visit her father, and as such she never did learn what should have been her native language.

She quickly forgot what English she did have in favor of Norwegian, with the exception of words like “Yes”, “No”, and “I’m Bella”.

The few trips she took to visit her father were all the more awkward than in canon since she couldn’t play with the Black kids. Let not the blame fall upon Charlie: he took Norwegian classes and speaks conversational Norwegian. He can’t speak to Renée, because her Norwenglish is incomprehensible even to Norwegians, but he can communicate with Bella.

Not that he’s had a lot of chances to do so.

Bella makes it to seventeen years old, she’s in second grade at Handels* and is a major outsider among the preps there, and then Renée marries a handsome skier**. Together they shall travel the continent all winter to participate in as many skiing races as they can, and in the summer they’ll take gigs at Hurtigruta to see the coast.

*“Handels” is the nickname for an Oslo high school infamous for its pupils being rich and beautiful blonds who are going to be CEOs when they grow up.

**Skiing as a sport is huge in Norway

***Hurtigruta is a famous ferry that travels across the Norwegian West coast

Bella, who sucks at skiing and is too young to work at Hurtigruten, takes the hint.

With dread in her stomach and dictionary in hand she goes to her father in America.

Where she doesn’t speak the language.

Faen.

Charlie gives her a car, and I wish this meta was set in the present because I could have joked about electric cars and the automat only driver’s license*, but Twilight is set in 2005 so I can’t. The car part proceeds without drama.

*An increasing number of Norwegian youth take the driver’s license for automatic cars only, and we’re the country in the world with the highest percentage of electric car purchases.

School is worse than in canon, because she is now a thousand times more sensational than if she was merely the new student. She is from another country! All of Forks keels over with excitement.

To make matters even worse, our girl doesn’t understand a word of what people are saying.

She is too awkward to let them know she doesn’t know English. It’d become a thing, and they might think she’s dumb. To be fair, it’s not good that she’s been through primary, secondary, and now a year and a half of high school and still sucks at English.

So she nods, smiles, mumbles “Hi, I’m Bella” to the new faces, and blushes heavily when anybody says anything.

People assume she’s shy. That’s a bit boring, but oh well.

She has her biology class with the redhead hottie she noticed during lunch. She watched him and his family, they were fascinatingly pretty, but she doesn’t know anything more about them. Sure would have been great if she could have asked the tiny girl (was it Jess?) about them.

Biology proceeds as in canon - Edward badly wants to eat the delicious girl, but fortunately doesn’t.

She runs into him in the office when he tries to switch to another biology lesson, but she has no idea what he’s saying so she only has the suspicion that this somehow concerns her. Which is still uncomfortable, but Bella is probably the problem here. The hottie surely can’t be.

He’s missing from school for a week, Bella finds that weird.

He returns, and to her great horror he starts talking to her.

“Hello”, he says.

Bella dies inside. He’s too handsome!

"I'm Edward Cullen," he continues, and ok, she got that. The hottie is called Edward, that’s good to know. She’s not sure she caught that last name, though, Köln?

He says something else, it’s gibberish to Bella even though she’s concentrating, and at the end there he says “Bella Swan”.

She gulps.

"I'm Bella Swan," she confirms and nods. That should be correct. God, she hopes it’s correct.

He smiles a crooked, boyish smile. She’s awed. She didn’t think it was possible to be so beautiful.

He says something else.

Bella didn’t catch it.

She blushes even harder, she hasn’t been more embarrassed in her life. Here he is, the most handsome guy in all the world, and she has nothing to say to him. Literally, they don’t speak the same language.

She should tell him.

It’s one thing to chicken out of telling the town she doesn’t speak English, but there’s something different about Edward Cullen. He deserves the truth.

But...

He’s the most beautiful person she has seen in her life. He is American, too, so the odds of him knowing Norwegian are microscopical. If he finds out she doesn’t understand a word he says he’ll stop talking to her, and selfish as she is she doesn’t want that.

So with a slightly guilty conscience (but not enough to fess up) she contributes to the conversation with enough words and smiles to pull through. "Yes", "No", "Thank you", and "That's nice".

He is surprised by several of these answers, but instead of giving her odd looks and losing interest he grows more invested in the conversation.

Class ends.

The next day the near accident happens, and he saves her. She is stunned - dear god, did he just pick up a whole car? After teleporting across the parking lot..?

Soon she’s in the ER, and more than a little bit stressed about that fact since she knows the Americans have a terrible healthcare system.

She hopes Charlie has an insurance.

An insanely beautiful man walks into the ER, and Bella is shocked. He is just as handsome as Edward and Edward’s lunch friends!

He introduces himself as Carlisle Cullen, and Bella can only assume this is someone’s older brother. Possibly related to the blonde girl.

He smiles at her, says something, and she answers, "I'm Bella Swan."

He frowns.

That must have been the wrong answer, then.

His hands return to investigating her scalp, and to her great surprise he switches to perfect Norwegian, "kjenner De* noe ubehag når jeg holder her?" Do you feel any discomfort when I touch here?

*De is the Norwegian polite pronoun for “you”. Du = thou = the French tu, and De = you = the French vous. These polite pronouns went out of use in the 1980’s, save for when addressing royal persons, and would be considered antiquated in 2005.

He hurries to add, "Norsk lærte jeg i... fjor sommer. Det var et nettkurs." I learned Norwegian… last year. Online class.

"Hvilket da?" Which one? Bella asks, because Charlie needs to hear about this. The doctor has beautiful, if slightly outdated, pronunciation.

The doctor’s smile turns uncertain. She gets the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want to say. "Husker ikke," I don’t remember, sier han etter en litt vel lang pause.

That’s a shame. And weird.

"De hadde hellet med Dem i dag, som ikke ble truffet av den bilen." You were lucky today, not getting hit by that car. he then says, noticeably changing the subject.

"Det var ikke hell, det var Edward," It wasn’t luck, it was Edward, she replies sharply.

The doctor definitely looks uncomfortable.

She continues, "Han krysset skolegården på et blunk, og plukket opp hele bilen. Jeg så det," He crossed the schoolyard in a moment, and picked up the whole car. I saw it,

The doctor laughs. "Om han kunne det hadde nok gymkarakteren hans vært meget bedre. Nei, frøken Swan*, jeg beklager å si at det høres ut som at De er litt omtåket. Det er helt normalt ved hjernerystelse." If he could do that, his PE grade would be a lot better. No, Miss Swan, I’m sorry to say you seem confused. That’s normal with concussions.

*Addressing a young woman as “frøken” is even more outdated than using polite pronouns.

Why does Bella get the feeling he’s lying?

She’s discharged.

We’ll jump ahead to her trip to La Push - that trip uneventful, since Jacob knows she doesn’t speak English. They stick their hands in their pockets and stare at the sea.

The next day she’s shanghaied to Port Angeles, because apparently she said “Yes” at the wrong time when talking to Jessica (Turns out Jess’s name was Jessica!) and accidentally said yes to a day trip to Port Angeles.

Like in canon she wanders away from the others, and as in canon she is nearly gang raped. And again as in canon she is saved at the last moment by Edward.

He buys her dinner, and she can’t believe her own luck- and misfortune. A date with the most handsome guy on the planet (hence the luck) and she can’t say a word to him (hence the misfortune)!

He says things to her, lends her his jacket, and really this is it for Bella, she’s peaked, life can’t get better than this.

(That’s a lie, it would be better if she spoke English.)

He’s so amazing.

She’s gotten pretty good at navigating conversations with him, so she nods and aha’s her way through.

In his car on the way home the tone takes a more serious turn.

He asks her about something, and it’s a serious question, that much she’s gathered. She answers in the confirmative.

He is silent.

Did she say anything wrong?

(Edward, on his end, just asked if she knows what he is. She said yes, so calmly, not even a trace of fear in her.)

A few days later he takes her out on a walk in the woods.

He shows her a meadow in the woods, and when he steps into it he lights up in the sunlight.

Bella is in shock.

She knew there was something different about him, but- holy cow. This guy isn’t human.

Is she dating a god?

She stumbles into the clearing after him, and they spend a day together where he says things, and she can barely hear any of it (nevermind understand it) because she’s so distracted by how pretty he is.

The next day he takes her to a house in the middle of nowhere. She doesn’t want to guess that this can be where he lives. Surely gods don’t live in houses?

He shows her inside the house, and introduces her for Dr. Cullen and a lady with a name she doesn’t catch.

Bit weird that these two are acting like a couple of parents, they’re far too young and divine for that.

Edward shows her around in an old-fashioned office, and she doesn’t know what to make of i when she sees a painting of Carlisle. Edward launches into a long story when he sees her watching it, unfortunately she doesn’t catch any dates or artist names. At one point she heard the word “suicide”, though, and that’s not good.

She doesn’t get much out of the story.

The baseball game doesn’t happen because Bella didn’t pick up on what Edward wanted and didn’t realize she was being invited to a thing. They spend the afternoon watching a movie instead.

The relationship continues, impeded slightly by communication problems, but she’s mostly able to cover those up.

Until her birthday comes around.

She gets a papercut.

Jasper lunges at her. Edward throws her into a glass table, and then everyone is leaving.

Carlisle is kind enough to switch to Norwegian when he’s stitching up her arm, perhaps remembering the last time she was his patient. "Jasper har ikke vært på dietten vår så veldig lenge." Jasper hasn’t been on our diet for very long.

"Diett?"she asks. She’s never seen Edward eat anything. She wasn’t clear on what the Cullens ate, honestly she thought they were above such things. She was thinking maybe photosynthesis. The knowledge that they apparently eat food astounds her, but diets?

"Dyreblod istedenfor menneskeblod," Animal blood in stead of human blood, Carlisle clarifies.

Whachasay?

Carlisle gives a slight smile. “Jaspers liv som vampyr fikk en brutal start." Jasper’s life as a vampire got off to a brutal start.

...

Vampire?!

Bella’s missed something here.

Oh dear lord, oh fy faen, she has missed something.

“Åja”, uh huh, is all she can say, and suddenly she’s very aware of the fact that she’s sitting there with a bleeding arm.

And Carlisle.

Who is a vampire.

Over the course of the following conversation Bella makes a host of discoveries.

Edward has been a vampire this whole time, and he’s a telepathic vampire. Whether Bella should be a vampire too or not has been a matter of hot debate, but due to religious reasons Edward doesn’t want that.

Carlisle also brings up how Edward died of the Spanish flu.

"Jeg var under den oppfatning at Edward fortalte deg bakhistorien min?" I was under the impression Edward told you my back story? Carlisle asks at one point, and Bella just has to ask very nicely if he’d be so kind as to repeat it.

Turns out the guy is nearly four hundred years old.

Jaha.

Jahahaha jaa ha.

That’s… a lot.

She wanders out of the house in shock, and hardly notices Edward’s strange behavior over the next couple of days.

One day he picks her up at school, and takes her behind the house.

That works out.

He’s a vampire, but he never hurt her. He is endlessly beautiful, perhaps easier to love now that she knows he’s not a god. He’s her Edward, and that’s suddenly easier now that she knows.

They can still be together.

But now that she knows this about him, it’s about time he knows something about her as well.

It’s time to finally be honest with him.

So when he opens his mouth, she opens her mouth as well, but she doesn’t get any further than to “Edward-” before he launches into a monologue.

She’ll have to wait until he’s done before saying her piece. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it doesn’t seem like he intends to stop talking anyway.

And what he’s saying seems to be serious, so it’s probably best to let him finish.

Edward concludes his monologue by kissing her forehead. Then he disappears.

Where did he go?

A big unsure, Bella goes back to the house. She’ll just have to wait until he gets back.

She doesn’t know what to think when Charlie returns from work and tells her the Cullens have all left.

Oh, god.

Edward must have found out she doesn’t speak English.

She made a mockery of him.

He has every right to leave.

Knowing this doesn’t make it any easier to live with.

Bella sinks into a depression.

The hallucinations begin, as in canon, though Hallusinward speaks Norwegian. Thank god for small mercies.

The friendship with Jacob (dictionary in hand) blooms, as someone has to help her see those hallucinations.

The cliff diving happens, and Alice shows up. Bella’s not sure what this is about, but she has gotten good enough at English to know that something bad happened, and Alice wants them to do something.

She’s a bit surprised to find herself on a plane to Italy, though.

Alice tells her to “Run to Edward” and ok, she got that, actually.

So she saves Edward.

After that she’s taken into the sewer, which turns out to house dozens of vampires.

Bella, Edward, and Alice are received in some kind of hall, where an unusual vampire has quite a bit to say. She understands some of what he’s saying, at least the part about “la tua cantante”. She knows a bit about Italian, see, so she knows that he’s talking about a song now.

She wishes she knew the context.

At one point he takes her hand, and appears fascinated by it. She wonders if he’s a palmreader. Not very vampirey, but what does she know.

He asks her a question.

"Yes," she says.

Saying yes has gotten her this far, after all.

But when he lights up and claps his hands together, and Edward and Alice stare at her in shock and betrayal, she knows she must have said the wrong thing.

The two are dismissed from the room before Bella can do or say anything, she’s just listening to Edward make a racket outside in the hallway.

Not good.

The unusual vampire brings her further down in his sewer palace to a basement, and she is given comfortable clothes to wear.

This is getting terrifying.

The vampire leans towards her - and she chickens out.

"Jeg snakker ikke engelsk!" she squeaks. "Non habla ingles!" I don’t speak English.

Han stanser, og ser forvirret ut. "Que- Hva behager*?" I beg your pardon? spør han etter et øyeblikk.

*A very formal, and slightly outdated (you can use it, but people will think you’re putting on airs. And they will be right) way of saying “excuse me?”

Sobbing, Bella tells him the whole story, from how she didn’t want to be the weird kid in school to how she’s now somehow in Italy without knowing why nor what she just agreed to.

When she’s done the vampire starts laughing.

"Dette forklarer jo en hel del," This explains quite a bit, ler han. "Men, kjære Bella, jeg er redd det ikke endrer noe." But, my dear Bella, I’m afraid it changes nothing.

He tells her that she has agreed to serve him and his army of undead warriors into eternity.

Well fuck.

"Du skal få slippe det, når du ikke visste hva du samtykket til - men skjebnen din forblir den samme. Loven er loven." You’re released from that promise, as you didn’t know what you agreed to - but your fate remains the same. The law is the law.

After a moment of silence, during which she looks terrified, he hurries to add, "Vi har en lov. Du må bli en av oss." We have a law. You must become one of us.

A law that Bella Swan has to become a vampire?

People are finally speaking Norwegian, and Bella is still lost. And it’s too embarrassing to keep pestering this poor, polite man with questions.

So she nods.

He gives her a glittering smile, and bites her.

When she wakes, Aro offers her an English course. A language course that, naturally, leads to her staying in Volterra. Why not learn a few more languages while we’re at it, dearest Bella?

Some time later Edward breaks into Volterra to save his Rapunzel, only to barely recognize her now that she’s a vampire who says things. Lots of things, she talks all the time now. WHAT DID ARO DO TO HER.

Too mortified to admit that she never spoke English, Bella claims she’s been brainwashed.

Aro is having too much fun to correct her, and the whole sad affair sets off a regrettable flood of rumors.