#also some spoilers talk just for the tags but this is the perfect genre to end this season on after all the affairs and family in-fighting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

fairy-writes · 1 year ago

Note

I love your writing so much and I can’t wait to request more :) please could I request dialogue prompt 4 for Akaza from Demon Slayer 💙💙

YOU SET ME FREE

Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!!

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Fandom(s): Demon Slayer

Pairing(s): Akaza x Reader

Prompt: “You set me free. Now I can do the same for you.” (From The Corpse Bride) (Dialogue Prompt #4)

Genre(s)/Tag(s): Female!Reader, Human!Reader

Notes: Literally one of my favorite movies omg

Also changing some canon events for this (spoilers for Akaza’s backstory)

TW for:

Abuse (not by Akaza)

Brief descriptions of a panic attack

Injuries (again, not by Akaza)

3.8K OF AKAZA Y’ALL BETTER LIKE IT

This is for my 1K followers event! It’s going on between June 8th and June 22nd!

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Your wedding day was the worst day of your life.

The day you signed away your freedom and succumbed to a life inside a cage.

Your new husband was a monster in every sense of the word. Not in front of your parents or the public, of course. In their eyes, he was the perfect gentleman.

Kind. (Cruel)

Loving. (Hateful)

Gentle. (Barbaric)

But at home, within the safety of the four walls you were supposed to call a refuge from the outside world, he was a demon.

Not literally. But he might as well have been with the damage he causes to you and the house.

“Can’t you do this any faster? I’m expecting guests.” Comes his harsh, grating voice, and you flinch, looking up at him from where you are scrubbing the floor. Your hands burned from the soap you used, and your knees ached from kneeling for so long. When he glares, you duck your head, hunching your shoulders in an attempt to appear smaller.

“S—sorry. I’ll finish up right now.” You whisper and start scrubbing again.

Only to feel a foot dig itself into your abdomen and physically lift you a few centimeters off the floor as it dug into your ribs. You gasp and hunch over, retching at the feeling, and some bile is all that comes up.

You hadn’t eaten yet that day.

He wouldn’t let you.

Not until the housework was done.

Never until the housework is done.

“Get that cleaned up before the guests arrive.” Your husband sneers and, thankfully, leaves you alone to do just that. You manage to get everything spotless and finish your duties just as there is the sliding of the door and your husband’s cheerful voice welcoming in his guests.

When you are finally called in, you come in to see three children.

There’s a boy with a scar on his forehead and a box on his back. A yellow-haired boy with a matching haori. And a young man wearing a boar head as a mask. They all carry swords on their belts, and you recognize the uniform.

Demon Slayers.

Your husband has a fake smile plastered to his face, and he extends a hand as you come into the sitting area with drinks for your guests.

“My lovely wife!” He says and introduces you by name. You bow politely, praying they can’t smell the scent of bile on your floral kimono, and offer them tea. The yellow-haired boy and the one with the box take some gratefully while the boar-masked boy takes his and immediately gulps it down.

They talk for hours.

The entire time, you stand slightly behind your husband, occasionally bringing in food or more tea for the boys. Every single time you offer more, the one with the box looks at you with such a warm expression that you almost cry.

His hands are calloused and blistered from handling his sword. (Why does such a young boy have such rough hands?)

But he’s so kind. (Why is he so kind to you? You didn’t deserve this kindness.)

And he approaches you late at night, long after he should be in bed, long after everyone else is in bed.

Except for you.

Because you still had dishes to wash and the sitting room to tidy up.

The soft call of your name has you flinching, dropping the plate in hand, and it shatters against the floor. You whirl around, unconsciously clenching your fists to brace yourself.

It’s only the boy, suspiciously missing his box.

You had since learned his name—Kamado Tanjiro. His companions, Agatsuma Zenitsu and Hashibira Inosuke, are most likely still sleeping.

“Ah… Kamado… What can I do for you?” You ask softly, and his face is no longer the warm smile that it had been when in front of your husband.

“Are you okay?” He inquires, ignoring your question, and you pause in picking up the shards of the plate. You could only hope your husband had drunk himself into a deep sleep and hadn’t heard your accident.

Or else there’d be hell to pay.

“I’m fine.” You lie, and suddenly, he puts his hand over your wrist, and you stop—his fingers bunch in the fabric of your violet kimono.

“You smell sad. Like you’re in pain.” He says simply, but you don’t say anything else. Because how could you?

He wouldn’t believe you anyway. (No one ever would. Your husband made sure of that.)

So instead of pouring out your woes to this boy who was much too young, you shrug off his hand and continue to pick up the ceramic shards.

“I can help you!” He tries, honesty pouring from his mouth. As you stand and dispose of the pieces, you stop by the front door.

“Thank you, Kamado… but I’m fine.” You whisper and leave him behind, sad eyes watching after you as you slide the sliding door shut.

You see the demon in the shadows of your garden a week after Tanjiro and his friends leave.

You had thrown the shards of the shattered dish in the outside bin in an attempt to hide it from your husband.

So far, he was none the wiser.

You pause in your late-night gardening. You needed space, and solace in your garden was where you found that peace you so desperately desired.

With powder pink hair and deep navy stripes decorating his face, arms, and torso, he was handsome. But you paused as he stepped out into the moonlight.

UPPER MOON THREE

Upper Moon? Three? What did that mean?

He stops just at the edge of your garden, watching you with those glowing yellow eyes, and not a word is uttered from his lips.

“Did my husband send you? Are you here to kill me?” You ask, and why wouldn’t he be? You wouldn’t put it past your husband to go and make a deal with a demon to have you killed.

Anything to get you out of the way.

Anything so he could be with his mistress.

Because, of course, he had one. He wasn’t exactly keen on hiding that information from you.

The demon scoffed, turning his head away briefly in disgust.

“As if I would make a deal with a mewling human.” He spat, and you recoiled at the ferocious tone in his voice. When you open your eyes again, you find him looking at you with a curious sort of expression. Your voice is wavering when you speak next,

“Then why are you here? To slaughter this village?”

At that, he shakes his head.

“No. I’m here for you. You are the renowned herbalist, aren’t you? The gardener and herbalist?” He says, and you blink. Once upon a time, yes, you had been an herbalist. But then your parents married you off to the monster you called your spouse.

“I’m not sure about renowned. But yes, I’m a gardener and an herbalist.” You say, and he makes a noise.

“Do you know about the Blue Spider Lily?” He asks suddenly, and you frown.

“Of course I do. Any herbalist or doctor worth their salt knows about the flower. What of it?” Suddenly the demon is in front of you.

“Where is it?” He demands, and you bite the inside of your cheek, hiding a flinch.

He notices. (He’s the only one who does.)

Thankfully he doesn’t say anything. (Because, of course, he wouldn’t. Even if someone does, they never say anything.)

“It’s far away from here.” You say curtly, and his lips curl back to show his fangs. He leans into your personal space until your noses brush together.

“Where. Is. It.” He says slowly, and you swallow.

“I—In the mountains. I… I could show you?” You try, and he scoffs, backing away and turning around, his fists clenched tightly. His knuckles would have been white had he not had blue staining them.

“As I said before. I would never make a deal with a human.” He seethed, still not facing you.

It was silent for a beat. Then two.

Then…

“Fine. Show me.” He snaps, and you startle.

He was going to bring you with him?

Would you be able to do it? Leave your husband?

The demon must’ve noticed your expression and narrowed his eyes.

“You won’t do it?” He said, voice low and mildly threatening. You took a wary step back but shook your head.

“Give me until tomorrow night. I will leave with you tomorrow night.” You say, and he stares, silent for a moment before he speaks again.

“Meet me out here at nightfall.” Is all he says before he disappears.

When you meet the demon again, your eye is swollen shut. Your body aches with forming bruises, and you’re pretty sure you’re missing a tooth.

But you can leave.

You’re allowed to leave.

Of course, you don’t tell your husband where you’re going. You just say there’s a family emergency. He can’t even be bothered to come.

If the demon notices—which you’re pretty sure he does, based on the narrowing of his eyes—he doesn’t say a word.

Instead, he turns on his heel and motions for you to follow him. You hoist your bag higher onto your shoulder and follow after him. Only for him to stop at the trailhead and gesture for you to take the lead. You pause before realizing he truly doesn’t know where the Blue Spider Lily is.

So you tie back your kimono sleeves, adjust your sandals, and start walking.

It doesn’t take long for you to abandon all propriety and hike your kimono hem up to climb over branches or stones that lay in your path. Thankfully, the demon doesn’t mention the indecency and instead follows you in silence.

“What is your name?” You ask tentatively after an hour of hiking in silence. The demon grunts as he jumps over a bolder that had taken you a solid fifteen minutes to climb.

“It doesn’t matter.” He says curtly, and you huff in annoyance. He really wasn’t the talkative type, was he?

You introduce yourself nonetheless, politely, formally saying your name into the silence, just like your mother had taught you.

The demon watches you with the same curious expression from the previous night.

And then…

“It’s Akaza.” He says before leaping ahead, leaving you in the dust as you stare in astonishment before you scramble to keep up.

Things change eight days into your little trip.

You’ve hiked over countless mountains at this point, Akaza having set a brutal pace during the night when he can actually move. During the day, you sleep deep in a cave you found (or that Akaza created), using your pack as a pillow. He always rests sitting up, arms crossed, and eyes closed as he meditates. He says nothing about your fading bruises or asks where they came from. Though you have a sneaking suspicion he knows. He seems clever like that.

The two of you don’t speak much. Akaza doesn’t touch you or help you when you’re struggling over the rough terrain. He instead watches from the top of whatever hill you’re climbing with an unimpressed look in his eyes.

Until everything changes.

“Can you go any faster?” Akaza calls down from a boulder that you had been steadily climbing.

“Can’t you do this any faster? I’m expecting guests.”

At that, memories of delicate cheekbones crunching underneath a fist flash behind your eyes, and you slip. Your body goes crashing to the ground, and you curl into a ball on your side, fingers digging into your skull as you let out a pained cry. Your eye throbs, and the gap where your tooth had been aches.

Your entire body hurts, and a rock digs uncomfortably into your side, but you can’t find it in yourself to move.

There’s the sound of crunching gravel as Akaza jumps down to your side. You are briefly showered with dirt, but you don’t care. All you see is your husband’s towering body looming over you.

Unexpectedly gentle hands pry your hands away from your face, and you look up into the face of your husband.

With a scream, you back up, scrambling back on your hands and knees as you try to get away.

Away, away, away.

Those same gentle hands grab your hands as you go to grip your head again, trying to protect your face.

“Calm down.” Comes Akaza’s voice, and you gasp, the vision abruptly fading away.

Akaza is crouched before you, an unreadable expression on his face. His hands cradle yours, keeping them from digging chunks out of your skull. Your breath comes in great heaving gasps, tears starting to streak your face.

You can’t breathe. Can’t breathe. Can’t—

His hands cup your face, and he looks you in the eye,

“Calm down.” His voice, strangely calming, washes over you like the tide. And slowly… ever so slowly… you manage to slow your breathing and get lungfuls of air into your chest.

Akaza doesn’t move the entire time.

Once you’re calm enough for his tastes, Akaza stands, scoops you up, and jumps. You, still panicking slightly, shriek as suddenly the ground disappears beneath you. You have your arms around his neck, burying your face in the crook of it, and squeeze your eyes shut.

You don’t land quickly enough, and Akaza sets you down—much softer than you expected, you might add. You hunch over, taking a shaky breath before straightening up and looking at him. He just watches you,

“Thank you.” You whisper, and he smiles.

“It’s not a problem. Let’s keep going.” He says gently, and you nod, hoisting your bag back onto your shoulders and taking the lead once again.

Twenty minutes later, you finally ask the question that has been burning your mind.

“Where did you learn to do that? Calm me down, I mean.” You say and hear him hum in contemplation behind you.

“I don’t remember.” He says and leaves it at that.

Another three days later, you approach him with a plant from your stash.

He stares, uncomprehending at the leaves in your hands.

“They’re for you.” You say, and he raises an eyebrow.

“I gathered. What are they for?” He asks, and you slowly push them into his hands.

“They help with memory loss.” You say simply, and his eyes widen almost imperceptibly. His hands are hesitant, but as they brush yours, you can tell he’s… excited?

Is he ready to remember?

Are you ready to watch him remember?

Akaza never brought up his memories until one night when you are almost to your destination.

“I remember everything.” He says, dangling his feet over the cliffside as he stares up at the moon. The two of you had stopped for a break at your request and sat overlooking a ravine. When faced with something like this, Akaza would simply scoop you up and leap across. After the sixth time, you sort of grew used to it.

You wouldn’t scream anymore, much to Akaza’s delight.

You sit up straight, nearly dropping the onigiri in your hand in astonishment.

“You do?!” You gasp but pause at his expression.

He looks tired and old and sad.

And he talks.

He tells you what he remembers.

He tells you of Koyuki.

Of his engagement to her.

Of his life as Hakuji.

How the feared king of demons turned him into one.

Everything.

And it breaks your heart.

So you hesitantly, ever so slowly, put your arms around him and pull him close.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” You whisper, pressing your mouth to the crown of his head. It isn’t quite a kiss… but it isn’t not a kiss. He stiffens in surprise but doesn’t pull away. Uncertainly, one of his hands comes up to touch your forearm. A silent acknowledgment and thanks for your words.

All the while, he doesn’t say a word.

You finally find the Blue Spider Lily after a month of traveling.

During that time, your relationship with Akaza grew… complicated.

He was incredibly gentle with you, treating you with reverence you didn’t know was capable of someone like him. He even held you once or twice when you woke up screaming.

You could give him nothing in return. He already had supernatural powers. He had immense strength. He had everything a regular man could ever want. Everything your husband ever wanted.

But things go terribly wrong the day before you find it.

You are passing through a large village—through the red light district—when you spot him.

Your husband with a woman on his arm, looking for all the world, like you never existed.

Until your eyes met and rage darkened and contorted his features.

Akaza, disguised with a cloak, puts a hand on your arm as your husband shoves his way through the crowd.

“We need to leave.” He says, but you are frozen.

He was here.

He was going to kill you.

You were going to die.

“You BITCH!” Your husband roars, and a hand cracks across your face, sending you tumbling to the ground. His hands are on your shoulders, bearing his weight down on your body.

Something is glinting in his hand, something sharp, something painful.

It cuts into your face, mutilating it, carving flesh out of it.

You begin to scream, to thrash and writhe, but it’s futile. Your husband had always been larger than you. So you can do nothing but sit there in agony as he permanently scars your face.

And no one does anything. Whispers erupt, but no one moves to stop the mountain of a man.

Until… Abruptly… His head is gone.

Hands are at your shoulders, pulling you into strong arms, as screams cascade from mouths at the sight of a demon.

Akaza.

One moment you’re in the red light district. The next, you’re deep in the mountains.

You are still crying, able to feel the blood coating your face, and the muscle tissue snaps at the corners of your mouth.

Akaza’s hands are feather soft on your face as he takes in your disfigured appearance. His brows are contorted with anger, his face darkened with fury, but he doesn’t shout. He doesn’t scream. He just gathers your bag, rifles through it for herbs and pastes for healing, and applies it to your wounds. He tells you it will scar but that you won’t need stitches. Not that he know’s how to stitch wounds, and you are in no shape to do it yourself.

“We have to keep moving.” You croak as Akaza finishes applying what little gauze you have in your bag. His hands are still, and he has yet to say a word. His shoulders are still stiff with anger, but he can’t take it out on anyone.

Because your husband is dead.

Dead. Were you free?

Could you have freedom?

“You need to heal.” He says shortly, and you shake your head. The pain has died down some, thanks to the herbs numbing the wounds.

“I don’t want to see you hurt on my account because you couldn’t find the Blue Spider Lily. Tonight is the last night of its blooming.” You say, and the two of you argue back and forth—with him wanting you to rest. And you want to make sure he accomplishes his goal.

You win in the end, and Akaza looks away with a frustrated huff.

But he doesn’t leave you behind.

The Blue Spider Lily is stunning.

The moonlight illuminated the royal blue petals, and you are struck by its beauty.

It almost hurt you to pluck it from the ground.

It blossoms over the grave of someone unknown. You can’t read the faded kanji engraved, not really, at least. You swear that it reads “Tsugikuni Uta.”

Akaza approaches the flower, and just as his fingers wrap around the stem…

“STOP RIGHT THERE!” Comes a familiar voice, and you freeze.

Kamado Tanjiro?

Turning around shows you to be correct. The young man has his sword drawn, that box at his back, as he stares in a fury at the demon before him.

The demon in question looks unimpressed. A little angry even. But Akaza doesn’t move from his kneeling position at the grave. He moves to pluck the flower from the ground, and that’s when Tanjiro bolts forward, intending to cut off his head.

Only for you to get in the way, quite literally shoving him by his shoulders and sending him crashing to the ground.

He hits the ground in a roll and comes up on one knee to face you.

His face pales, his sword beginning to tremble. He calls your name and takes in your bandaged appearance, voice thick with disbelief.

“I can’t let you kill him.” You whisper softly, and his angry snarl twists into something sad.

“He’s killed countless people.” He tries, and you shrug,

“He saved my life.” Your tone is muddled through the gauze in your mouth, but it’s vehement and strong, unlike any manner you have had since you married your now-deceased husband.

Akaza stands, the flower in his grasp, as he approaches the young boy. Tanjiro tightens his grip on his sword, though the tip is trembling. You grasp the back of Akaza’s vest just as he raises his free hand, presumably to start a fight.

“You must leave.” You whisper to him, and he pauses in his movements, turning so he can see you out of the corner of your eye.

“Let me kill the brat first.” He says and watches you shake your head.

“Allow me to deal with him.”

Tanjiro darts forward then, swinging his sword with deadly precision.

You get in the way yet again, pushing Akaza out of the way and ducking under Tanjiro’s blow.

Akaza gets to his feet and stares at you with an unreadable expression.

“Why?” He whispers, only loud enough for you to hear. You offer him a watery smile.

“You set me free. Now I can do the same for you.” You reply, and he only stares silently before disappearing from where he stands.

#kny akaza x reader #akaza x you #akaza x y/n #akaza x reader #kny akaza #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer akaza #kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba akaza #fairy writes #fairy 1000 followers

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anyablackwood · 4 months ago

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WIP Questionnaire Tag

Thanks for the tag, @mysticstarlightduck! I'll use Traveling Bards for this, as is the current trend for me.

1. What’s the first part of your WIP that you created?

The outline? That's usually how I start. If you mean of the actual story, then chapter 1. If you mean the concept itself, the characters.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

Best I can find is Passerine by The Oh Hellos (the artists who made Solider, Poet, King). I'd love to find a more comedic/energetic song, though.

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

Within this story? The MCs, lol. Especially Felix, my beloved son! I'm not gonna lie, the sisters are inspired by some IRL people that I love very much. But even without that, they're just so fun! This is my first "simple"/comedy story, so there's less of a focus on prose or "depth" and more on me just dicking around with these guys, so I'm really having a blast with them. Their characters are the most unhinged I've written so far, though I hope to change that soon.

Felix isn't inspired by an IRL person, but he's kind of shameless wish-fulfillment. Traveling Bards initially began as a parody of a very specific genre of anime, so he's essentially what I wish would happen/what I love to see for characters with his archetype.

For the favorites of all time? Can't choose, honestly. Love all of them!

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fanbase would share?

Memes. Or, I'd hope so. If it ever got adapted, I'd love a compilation video or funny edits. Regardless? Endless shitposts, sprinkled with random and unwarranted brainrot thesis-long thinkpieces on elements of my characters and world-building that I never even considered when writing it that ultimately change the way even I view my characters. I'd love a good Tumblr essay from someone being Totally Normal about one of my funky little guys.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

Actually writing it! Lmao. For the 3 people that have seen my writing logs, you'd know I had to recently overhaul the entire initial arc as well as the 3 chapters I already wrote! Though I guess plot points would also be part of that struggle.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

All kinds! Anything from normal animals to classic fantasy ones to ones I personally made up! My favorite out of all of them are the dragons. Because dragons are fucking awesome. My second favorite are the ones I made myself.

One of the first ones I introduce is the "crystal frog" which is this really cute frog that's quite literally translucent- kind of like the glass frog, but even more translucent! And light refracts off of it like a crystal!

7. How do your characters travel/get around?

Carriage/horse most often at first, then eventually via ship, then flying (with magic or on a magic creature). So. Basically anything but a plane or car.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

Actually writing it! I'm currently only a few chapters in on my first rough draft. My goal is to create the entire rough draft with as few edits as possible and then to go back and revise the whole thing, since that'll be easier for me than trying to make each chapter "perfect" before I move on.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe?) You think will draw your audience in?

I guess for those that are more familiar with this genre, it'll be that. Isekais/reincarnation/transmigration/portal fantasy/whatever you want to call it. It's also got found family and friendship (kinda spoiler-y, but there's a sibling adoption involved!). Lots of "be gay, do crime" instances too.

It's also primarily an adventure-comedy, with a kinda parody-angle to it. They're intentionally gunning for these classic Hero Adventure experiences, in a bucket-list kind of way. Also, they're bards (for lack of a more accurate and snappy term) in a fantasy setting. So if you like a heavy emphasis on a sibling bond and ridiculous people getting into ridiculous situations of their own making, I'm hoping this will be appealing!

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

That it gets finished, LMAO. My goal is to complete the rough draft by the end of summer, so that I can spend fall and winter revising, rewriting, editing, etc. I eventually hope (like most writers) to one day publish it. But let's not get ahead of ourselves! I can't get there if I don't even finish it.

Not sure who to tag, so I'll come back to it later.

#writeblr #tag game #wip questionnaire #traveling bards #to be tagged #wip tag game

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manonamora-if-reviews · 1 year ago

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New Year's Eve, 2019 by Autumn Chen

============= Links

Play the game See other reviews of the game See other games by Autumn or follow @cyberpunklesbian

============= Synopsis

Social gatherings are not your preferred activity. But this one is obligatory, and it threatens to ruin you. You are Karen Zhao, a senior in college who is home for winter break, and seeing your old high school friends for the first time in years. You are not ready, not even close, but perhaps you could make the best of it. Two endings, many paths to arrive there.

============= Other Info

New Year's Eve, 2019 is a Dendry* game, submitted to the 2022 Edition of the SpringThing. This game is a sequel to Pageant (review). *Autumn is also an unofficial maintainer of the Dendry format.

Status: Completed Genre: Dating-sim, Slice-of-life, LGBT

CW: social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, family conflict

============= Playthrough

First Played: June-2022 Last Played: 31-May-2023 Playtime: around 1h (1 full playthrough - 1 half-assed) Rating: 4 /5 Thoughts: A science-type forgets how to human, has a panic attack at a party. May or may not be fine at the end.

============= Review

Jumping a few years into the future of Pageant, Karen Zhao comes back, more anxious than ever, for a short evening, celebrating the turn of a new year*. Stuck in a house out of social obligation, Karen has the option to interact with a cast of familiar faces, go down memory lane, or hide from everyone as best she can to avoid starting a panic attack before the clock strikes twelve. How ever will she cope????? *and what 2020 brings... rolling eyes

Spoilers ahead. It is recommended to play the game first. The review is based on my understanding/reading of the story.

The one thing that I love about Autumn's games is how real the characters and their interactions feel. NYE19 is no different, continuing on the tradition of anxiety-inducing situation and self-deprecating humour bordering on self-loathing. But unlike its predecessor, Pageant, NYE19's tone translated less as slice-of-life-of-a-stressed-teenager-trying-to-make-it-through-the-semester-oh-god-is-she-having-a-panic-attack-again-just-kiss-her-you-dummy and more of this-is-what-a-college-student-forced-to-come-home-for-the-holidays-special-sitcom-epidose-feels-like. From the really awkward meetings with your old high-school friends (or did you date them? or were they crushes?), to the adults hounding you with questions about your future, or your family wanting to uphold a certain image around people. It's a party we've all been to, it's the kind we wish we didn't have to stay...

And Karen, our favourite anxious lesbian, does too. From the start, she warns the player she does not want to be here, really does not find having to engage in small talk (especially with people she's lost touch with), and actually wishes being anywhere but at this party. It is awkward to interact with people you knew (or more than knew) some years prior but with who you have lost contact (life...), finding how they have (not) changed, and how they've been fairing compared to you.

During the span of an evening, you meet (again) Emily, a trans woman (out of the closet then?) who helped you in Pageant to win (kinda) said pageant; Miri, your best-friend, who tagged along for the party because she did not want to be at her family's party* and became the social butterfly you could not be; and Aubrey, your high-school rival, who seems to still be doing just as well with her Harvard education, her Harvard boyfriend**, her probably-perfect-looking Harvard life... You also get to roam around the party daydreaming nihilisticly about the state of the world, hide in the basement to watch a MCU movie and be cringe to your brother, stuff yourself with food*** to temper with your imminent anxiety attack, play some mahjong and lose badly, hide in the bathroom and take selfies sending your into some self-loathing, play some games on your phone****... *the reason is pretty unclear, even with the option of confronting her. **who the fuck brings up the election topic on a New Year's party?!?!?! The gall of that man... ***which of course, I did... ****that one is hella meta, since you can play IF games AND a Pageant-like dating-sim

Whatever you do (especially your interactions), you are constantly reminded of your shortcomings from the past and how you let your anxiety cause the dwindling of your relationships. Your past haunts your every move and your every thoughts, and being in the presence of people from your past makes it all the worse for your mental being.

Half-way through the game, you sit down to have some dinner, forced at the kids-but-not-really-kids table where all your (former?) friends are interacting. It is very awkward, with Aubrey forcing everyone to introduce themselves as if they were having some sort of team-building meeting, her boyfriend forgetting about the No-No-Conversations (Politics-Religions...)... You can choose to participate in the conversation, eat, or listen, but no matter what happens, you will leave the table before the meal/conversation is over, leaving the party as well to go for a walk.

This is where things get interesting. Emily asks whether she can come along, and agreeing or not will give you very different outcomes. The latter will find you wallowing about your loneliness and how devoid of human connections your life is (much due to your own actions), while the former has a more hopeful and levelheaded conversation (leading possibly to a relationship...). With each still, and throughout the whole game, Karen goes on an introspection about the seemingly importance of human interaction, how easy it is to fuck up things, and the transactionality of relationships, all wrapped in a nihilistic and fatalistic bow (everything goes wrong, even if you do the right things).

Even if this sounds all depressing, it strangely is not. I found myself giggle at some passages*. The dry self-deprecating humour is honestly hilarious (especially the Narrator's comments). At any moment, I was expecting a laughing track to cue. Or maybe I was just playing this with a strange mood... * You have committed CRINGE. Kevin may not remember this, but you will. don't worry, game, I will remember...

The game is also very meta about what it is trying to convey. From playing a dating-sim game within an essentially dating-sim game, to the commentary on human interactions being comparable to dating-sims in the optimisation of [emotions/variables] to get the best possible outcome through a sequence of actions we hope is the correct one while we play a dating-sim where the sequence of choices can be optimised to get that "good ending", the story and the gameplay play quite interestingly on each other to get those points across.

Still, unlike other works from Autumn, while I enjoyed myself playing it, it didn't have the same impact on me. I didn't click as much with it as her other games, and felt a bit unsatisfactory? by the end of the playthroughs. The game has some strong moments, especially the part outside of the house, and some funny moments during the roaming around before dinner/before the countdown, but at other moments, it felt hollow. Maybe it is because of your limited agency in the way you interact with others or act, since Karen is an anxious and socially awkward person who has a hard time expressing her feelings and thoughts. Maybe it is because some of the characters you interact with and the way you defined your previous relationships don't feel as fleshed out (Miri and Aubrey comes to mind*, especially compared to Pageant or even Emily). Or maybe it is Karen's blasé look on dwindling and lost relationships that ticked me** that only allows her to have superficial contact with people (aside from Emily). Or maybe it is the more fragmented type of different gameplay/mechanics that didn't work as well as the Storylet format of Pageant***, or the more linear work of GG and the war. Or maybe because the end was a bit too abrupt... *I was wondering if you could choose to have had a relationship with either of those as in Pageant, but you can only with Emily **was it because the game called me out of doing the same as Karen did to some friends from school? Who knows... ***yes, it's bad to compare games that are inherently different...

There is a wonderful sentence from the post-mortem that really encapsulate the vibe of this game, and strangely reminds us of the hope Karen feels just before returning to the party... and this is where I will be ending this review: The past is inescapable, but the future is not entirely determinate.

There is still time...

Some loose points:

Dendry has some really interesting customisations, from the addition of backgrounds to extra assets in form of character portraits, putting the game in a strange text-only choice-based/visual novel limbo.

The conversation bits, especially the dinner between the gals, have such BPH vibes, which is not surprising, since his work is mentioned in the influence for this game. (with the character portraits style and the formatting of the dialogue with the colours (though the grey for Emily was a bit hard to read).

I really liked the inclusion of the Chinese characters in the dialogues in Chinese. This was only included on the first few lines in Pageant (continuing only in italics), but this really helped distinguished better the conversations in English and the ones in Chinese.

As with Pageant, some choices are worded in a way to form a full sentence or complete a thread of thoughts. I liked that.

#New Year's Eve 2019 #Autumn Chen #complete #interactive fiction #2022 #review #LGBT #romance #slice of life #dendry game #choice based #SpringThing

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nyx-b-log · 2 years ago

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Leech by Hiron Ennes - Review

read: nov 2022

goodreads link

rating: 4 stars

content warnings: depictions of emotional and physical abuse, non-consensual sex, death, dead bodies, body horror, dissociation, graphic violence including against an infant, pregnancy, graphic birth, lack of bodily autonomy, toxic relationships.

plot summary:

In an isolated chateau, as far north as north goes, the baron’s doctor has died. The doctor’s replacement has a mystery to solve: discovering how the Institute lost track of one of its many bodies.

(copied from the goodreads page)

opinion:

double check those content warnings before you continue!

y’know, this would have been excellent to read in october asdfghjkl

set in a large, creepy, practically desolate chateau in a frozen wasteland where the train often can’t even make it all the way to the station, having to turn back before it even gets close, this is the perfect setting for a novel like this. a mysterious pathogen (in this case parasite) spreading in ways the main character can’t work out with an unknown number of infected, surrounded by a tiny town with a tightknit history; it’s all very gothic.

i actually went into this without fully reading the genre tags - i just read the description and thought hey, horror, queer, perfect – so i had no idea that this was a sci-fi book! and in my defence, it only really goes harder into the sci-fi elements at about the halfway mark (everything before that is just kind of allusions).

but, despite not expecting it, i was completely drawn in by the world-building. the places (verdira as well as other places that get mentioned, such as inultus but especially satgarden), the hints at wider catastrophe, the folklore stuff that we get from the priest (my personal favourite bits), it’s all fantastic. soft and slow-building, suiting the horror themes perfectly.

i'm not gonna spoil the plot at all (anything past like, chapter one is spoilers asdfghjkl), but the focus of the plot shifts partway through, and though i felt kind of weird about it as i was reading it, i appreciate it much more now, with a few days for it to settle in my brain. it’s subtle to begin with, but very cleverly done, especially with how it tackles the abuse which is present throughout the book.

the characters all feel very fleshed out, from the minor characters in the town (notably the priest), to the members of the household (notably helene and didier), to ofc the main characters. a lot of emile's development gets squashed in at the end (see gripe below), but it's all very well written imo, and it recontextualises a lot of the stuff he was doing earlier in the book.

my only real gripe with the book is the swapping back and forth between past and present. it's fine to begin with, with world-building and whatnot, but when the climax arrives and it's still happening, it kind of distracts from the tension that the present stuff is building up. the past stuff is all great, same for the present stuff, they just don't always mesh together very well.

(oh and kind of the twins. i like them, and i get what they represent, but they also don't always mesh with their surroundings very well. which is part of the point, ig, but for me they didn't really add a whole lot to the book as a whole.)

in terms of representation, for anyone interested, there's (imo well-written) depictions of disabled characters, a trans man character, non-binary experiences, a complicated mlm partnership (see toxic relationship content warning), and a lesbian couple (who are great and i adore them).

on the whole, i really enjoyed reading this. it's difficult to talk about in any level of detail without spoilers that i think would lessen the impact of a lot of the twists and turns, so if you're in the mood for that kind of book (and can handle some gore and ick) this is the book for you!

#books #bookblr #book review #leech #hiron ennes #reading #queer #and this is their debut novel!#damn this is a good debut #cos of where it's set too it taps in to a fear of cold that's difficult to put your finger on until you're in it #if not for the plot come here for the vibes and character exploration

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ethereal-writes · 2 years ago

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Everybody Makes Mistakes (Ft. Luke and Barbatos)

Warnings: Spoilers for Obey Me, Luke has a breakdown, Celestial Realm is toxic, possibly gaslighting?

Length: 1.1K words

Genre: Angst, hurt, fluff, comfort.

Summary: Barbatos notices that Luke doesn't seem to be in a good mood today. The reason why breaks his heart.

A/N: I've had this idea for a while. I wanted to explore the father-son-type dynamic Barbatos and Luke have, and this is what it turned into. I'm so sorry for putting Luke through this level of angst, but I hope you still think the story is cool.

I hope I tagged all the right warnings. If you think I should add some, please let me know! I hope you enjoy!

-Ethereal (✿◡‿◡)

Story below, please don't claim as your own!

Luke was often at the Demon Lord’s castle baking alongside the royal butler, but it was rare that he was ever this quiet.

On one hand, it made it a lot easier to get things done when Luke wasn’t distracted and excitedly bouncing around the kitchen, talking about this and that or how next time they just have to try this new recipe he found.

But Barbatos found that it wasn’t anywhere near as fun.

Their chaotic baking sessions always brightened up the kitchen. Even if the results weren’t perfect, they always had fun.

They made the lonely castle seem full of life.

And though Luke wasn’t any less distracted today, he wasn’t talking at all.

Barbatos found it very unnerving.

He watched out of the corner of his eye as Luke grabbed a measuring cup and started to measure the wrong ingredient.

When he didn’t catch his own mistake, Barbatos intervened.

“Ah, Luke, hang on. That’s meant to be sugar.” Barbatos gently grabbed Luke’s wrist and pulled it away from the missing bowl.

“It’s…huh?” Luke shook his head slightly, snapping out of it and double checking. Sure enough, the container was labelled ‘salt’.

Usually Luke would’ve laughed it off, or perhaps reprimanded Barbatos for treating him like a child (despite the fact that he was).

Today wasn’t the usual sort of day, though.

“Oh,” was the only response he got, then Luke turned away to grab the right container.

Then Barbatos heard a sniffle.

“Luke…?” Barbatos took a few steps towards him, unsure. “Is something the matter?”

Luke whirled around, revealing tears streaming down his red face. “I just can’t do anything right!”

“It was only one mistake,” Barbatos pointed out, taking a few more steps towards the angel.

Luke shook his head, clearly frustrated.

“No, it’s not!” He looked away, furiously scrubbing at his eyes with his sleeve. “I already messed up lots with Michael already, I can’t make any more mistakes!”

“With Michael?” Barbatos asked, prompting Luke to continue.

Luke sniffled. “When I was in the Celestial Realm, Michael asked me to send him stuff when I got back. He wanted some princess poison apple thingies, those cupcakes Asmodeus likes, and three different teas. He also asked me if I could do some baking for a bankquet that he was having next week.”

Luke took a deep breath, steadying his breathing. “He wanted a few dozen cookies with a few different flavors, a cake iced like the photo he sent me, and he asked if I could make some red velvet cupcakes.”

“Oh, was that all?” Barbatos said sarcastically. That seemed like an awful lot to demand of an angel as young as him.

Unfortunately, the sarcasm was completely lost on the child.

“Y-yeah!” Luke’s eyes started to water again, and he plopped down on the floor. He curled up into a ball, swallowing thickly. “It was so easy, and I still messed it up!”

“What happened?” Barbatos asked as he joined him on the ground.

“I-I made chocolate cupcakes instead!” Luke cried, throwing himself into the crook of Barbatos’ shoulder. “I forgot he wanted red velvet!”

“He didn’t write all that down for you?” Barbatos asked in disbelief.

Luke didn’t respond, sobbing.

Barbatos gave up on asking questions for the moment, wrapping his arms around the child as he wept.

“I know you’re not a child,” Barbatos said. It wasn’t true by any means, but it would make Luke feel better. “But as far as angels go, you’re still very young. It’s expected that you’re going to make mistakes. To be honest, I’m surprised Michael was this upset with you.”

Luke sobbed even harder, saying something that was mostly incoherent.

What Barbatos did manage to make out made his blood run cold.

“Wasn’t…can’t…gonna…fall…!”

“Falling? Who said you were going to fall?” Barbatos demanded a bit too harshly, peeling the child off of him to search his face.

“No one told me,” Luke scoffed. “But that’s what happens when angels make mistakes! Lucifer and his brothers and Lilith made a mistake, and they got casted out of heaven!”

“That’s…” Barbatos trailed off while Luke snuggled into him again. That was a gross oversimplification of what had actually happened. And using that twisted version of events to scare young angels into behaving was just disgusting.

Of course, Barbatos couldn’t tell Luke that. Luke was very proud of his role as Michael’s servant, and his home in the celestial realm. Telling him how awful the celestial realm truly was would only cause the angel more distress.

He had to say something, though. He couldn’t let his favorite baking partner think he’d be damned to Hell over cupcakes.

“That’s not what happened,” was what he finally settled on.

“Huh?” Luke had settled down a little, but he was still trembling.

Barbatos rubbed a hand along Luke’s back, trying to reassure him. “What Lucifer and his siblings did was far…more severe than mixing up a delivery request.”

“What did they do?” Luke asked.

Barbatos sighed. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

“Why not?”

Because then you’d see that they were in the right.

“Because it’s not important,” he said instead. “You trust me, don’t you?”

He felt Luke nod.

“Yeah, you’re alright…for a demon…anyways.” He mumbled the last part under his breath.

Barbatos knew better than to take it personally and chuckled instead. “Then please believe me when I say, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Little slip-ups happen to everyone.” He lowered his voice, his tone almost sly. “Even Michael.”

Luke gasped, pulling back. “What!? No way!”

Barbatos smiled, glad to see Luke wasn’t frowning anymore. “It’s true. Lucifer told me that once, during a very important meeting in the Celestial Realm, Michael spilled an entire cup of coffee on himself.”

“Michael…he-?” Luke cut himself off, giggling.

Barbatos nodded. “Yes. And would you like to know what I find the most interesting about this story?”

Luke nodded eagerly, wiping the last remaining tears out of his eyes.

“The reason Michael spilled his coffee is because Lucifer startled him…by poking him with a pencil.”

There was a beat of silence before a huge grin spread across Luke’s face, and he burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Barbatos couldn’t help but laugh as well— laughter is contagious.

Suddenly the two were interrupted by a ding.

“Oh! The oven is ready for the cookies!” Luke exclaimed, scrambling to get up from Barbatos’ lap.

“Oof- Ah yes, you’re right.” Barbatos stood up as well, brushing himself off.

He watched as Luke began working on the cookie dough with his usual enthusiasm. He shook his head with a small smile and took his place beside the young angel.

Someday, Luke would be too old to distract that easily.

He’d learn more about the war. He’d learn why the brothers had truly fallen, and he’d learn about the less-than-perfect aspects of the Celestial Realm.

But today wasn’t that day.

No.

Today was the day they perfected their chocolate chip cookie recipe.

#obey me #obey me luke #obey me barbatos #obey me hurt #obey me angst #obey me fluff #obey me comfort #issuing my formal apology to the fandom in advance

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meadowofbluebells · 2 years ago

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Masterpost:

Hello, my name is Meadow, and I am a 22-year-old university student who loves to draw and write.

My writing is SFW, but I do commonly write about the darker parts of the human experience such as addiction, self-harm, and abuse. I will, however, do my best to tag that in my writing so no one is blindsided.

Writing:

I decided to put my writing on this site because I was afraid for years that my work was not worth sharing if it was not perfect. It has taken me a long time to realize that not only is that not true, but it harms my ability to be the creative individual I want to be. Thus, I forewarn you, the reader, that these stories will not be perfect and that is fine by me. My goal is not to achieve perfection but, rather, to strive for progress. So, by all means, leave constructive criticism, but note that cruelty will fall on deaf ears. With that said, enjoy the stories below. They are all cherished in their own right.

Questions/Suggestions/Prompts:

Feel free to suggest prompts if there is something you would like me to write about. I am always looking for more practice. :)

I'm also open to answering questions about my work or characters, though I can't always guarantee an answer due to possible spoilers for future stories.

Fan fiction:

Amidst the Moonlight - As a prince, Roman is used to going to balls. This event is no different. That is, it is no different until a man in a purple suit shows up.

Fitting Forever Into Goodbye - Janus loves his son Virgil, which is why he needs to let him go. Now all he has to do is find the words needed to say goodbye.

Janus Was Not Dying - Janus had always thought that constructing everyone else’s false realities would ensure that he kept his own feet planted firmly within the truth. After all, to be a successful liar, one must be aware of the truth that is being denied. Yet, here he was, destroying himself in the name of a lie. Falling into the same trap as the others - telling himself one thing despite knowing that it was false. Because, despite seeing all the evidence to the contrary, Janus was not dying.

Personal Writing:

"Love, Jayden" - (Genre: Contemporary) - Jayden has never been allowed to touch his mother's journal. Now, after her death, it lays in his grasp.

A Tale of Endings - (Genre: Magical Realism) - Cierra had a book report to do. She just wasn't expecting the books to talk back.

Remnants - (Genre: Fantasy and Romance) - Audio Format - Celeste is about to marry an immortal being and fears leaving her best friend Terra behind.

The Snapshot Slayer - (Genre: Thriller) - A child star is done with the paparazzi interfering with his life. As the years pass, his mind slowly descends into ruin.

Grasping at Gravity - (Genre: Fantasy and Contemporary) - Audio Format - Graham lives in a world with superpowers, where people can create fire or fly on wings, but Graham has never been able to control his.

Signed, Death - (Contemporary Fantasy) - David was having a great day up until he got a note from Death.

Hidden Grief - (Fantasy) - A young girl has to sneak out of her own home in order to go to her sister’s funeral.

Under An Array of Embers and Ashes - (Historical Fiction) - A mother waits with her children for her husband to get home while Pompeii crumbles around her.

To Heal Through Death - (Science Fiction) - A teenage girl stands in the shadows with a dagger in hand.

Within Reach - (Fantasy) - Maya has to have magic, it is the key to saving her family.

So Too Queens Can Fall - (Historical Fiction) - Solana knows that it is a queen's duty to produce a male heir, but that doesn't mean she loves her young daughters any less.

Coren: (Genre: Fantasy)

Note that my writing within this world is disjointed. There will be some full-fledged stories, but also some test scenes. I am simply in the process of seeing what works and what doesn't.

Two Dancing Ladies

Decaying Souls

Sleep-Deprivation and Other Woes (Genre: Historical Fantasy) - Audio Format - Patia had been studying for an exam for weeks - she was frazzled and exhausted. Her sister, Keller, tried to get her to take a break by convincing her to go to a ball that they were invited to.

Up A Tree - All Barnett wanted was to have a relaxing day at the river. She should have known that in a family as large as hers, that it was a futile endeavor.

#writing #sanders sides fanfiction #female writers #short story #origonal work #original writing

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euphoric-barnes · 4 years ago

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his solace. — b. barnes

synopsis: in bucky's list of people he wanted to make amends with, there were two names that he considered as his 'top priorities'—his friend, yori and you, his girlfriend.

pairing: bucky x fem!reader

genre: fluff fluff fluff—okay maybe a pinch of angst

warning(s): mentions of nightmares, a bit of tfatws spoilers, mentions of insecurities, violence, soft bucky, non proof read HEHE, one swear word

wc: 1,367

notes: idk what this is but... ive been wanting to post this so- also i suck at titles lmao

bucky enters his apartment to see you on his couch sleeping, probably waiting for his arrival. ever since he tagged along with sam on the mission about the flag smashers, he's been texting you non stop—giving you updates because he felt bad for departing without telling you. bucky silently drops his bag on the ground, beside the couch as he walks towards you, kneeling on one knee as he watches you sleep with a smiling forming on his face.

then, he remembers what sam said.

but you gotta make them feel better. you gotta go to them and be of service.

bucky sighs, gently brushing the hair off your face. bucky vividly remembers his nightmares to the point even though he is awake it haunts him. especially when he's with you as you smile widely at him, after all, you are the happiest when you're with him. how many times has he heard you say that? probably a lot more then sam made fun of his staring problem. bucky would smile widely but the moment you turn your head away, bucky's smile would slowly slip off with his guilt eating him up.

he couldn't believe he hurt you back then.

it was so clear. you were younger, probably in your teenage years. you were on the ground, staring at him with wide eyes as you quiver in fear while he slowly walks towards you. other hydra agents who were with him in that mission were sabotaging innocent people. then, bucky would wake up, not seeing how he hurt you. but that wasn't the point, he knew he has to tell you the truth.

bucky didn't expect you'd be one of the avengers, fighting alongside steve to defend bucky—hide him away because people couldn't get that he was brainwashed. then the rest was history. bucky have slowly hut surely fell in love with you.

"bucky, stop staring." you mumble as you open your eyes, turning your head to him. bucky cracks a smile as you grin at him. bucky leans in, kissing your lips with his arm draping across your stomach as you cup his jaw with your hands. bucky pulls away, staring at you loving eyes, admiring your beauty. "how was the mission?"

then bucky pulls you up, sitting behind you as he lets your back rest against his chest with his arms around you as he holds your hands, playing with your fingers while he tells you all about the mission, from breaking zemo out if prison to taking the shield from walker. then, he gets to the part where he and sam talk about his amends.

slowly, he trails off then he pulls his arms away from you. "doll, we have to talk." bucky says seriously as you sit up straight and turning to him. bucky stares at the ground as he tries to build the courage to tell you. he takes one deep breath in before starting, "you know how i have a list of names that i'm making amends to,"

"yes,"

"and i have a person in my list i haven't been really truthful to."

"yori?" you ask and bucky sighs, shaking his head.

"there's another one." bucky says as he takes the small notebook, turning to the right page as he gives it to you. you grab it and look at it. right at the very bottom was your name, just like yori, it had been encircled a couple of times, emphasizing that it was a priority.

"why's my name here?" you ask and bucky sighs, running his hand through his hair.

"doll, i hurt you back then." bucky admits. "i don't know how, but i think i hurt you bad. most of the times it's what i see in my nightmares. you were so young back then, everyone was being beaten up and shit, i saw you. you stared right back at me when i was walking towards you. i- i'm so sorry, doll."

you stare at him, sighing. you close the notebook, putting it on the coffee table as you look at him. "buck, you really have got to stop beating yourself up with the things that you did as the winter soldier." you simply said that got bucky looking at you as if you were insane.

"y/n, doll, i kept this—"

"bucky, tell me about that nightmare." you said and bucky looked at you. you smile at him and bucky sighs. how could you be so kind?

"the whole town was a mess because hydra messed the whole town up, barging in people's house and then i saw you. you were looking at me with big wide eyes as i slowly walked up to you." bucky said. "that's it."

"bucky," you softly call. "i was 17 that time—"

"it was a long time ago but it doesn't mean you should just forgive me right away!" bucky exclaims.

"oh my god, james buchanan barnes, let me finish!" you exclaimed, laughing and bucky got even more confused. how the hell are you taking this lightly? you offer your hand out to which bucky hesitantly places his. "i was 17 that time. i was confused and scared at that time. a man pushed me, running off. i was at the ground, crying because i didn't know what to do. then, you saw me. not the winter soldier, you."

you look at bucky as he stares back at you. "you helped me, bucky." you mumbled. "you think i wouldn't remember that kind of thing happening to me?" you asked and bucky just listened to every word you said. you scoot closer, cupping his jaw as your thumb slowly caresses his cheek. "you were surrounded by hydra agents. they could have knocked you out, tortured you right at the spot, but what did you do? you took me away and hid me somewhere."

bucky couldn’t believe it. “no.” he mumbles.

“yes.” you contradict. “they give you these orders, turning you to some kind of weapon but bucky, if you were awake in those times, would you have done that? no, you wouldn’t.” you softly say. “i always go wherever natasha goes. the first time that i didn’t was when i fought alongside steve to protect you. steve was confused why i did it but he didn’t question it.”

“so, i didn’t..?” bucky trailed off and you gave him a smile, shaking your head off.

“stop beating yourself up and start seeing the good in you. you’re not perfect, i know but they are still a part of you and i love you. so much.” you said and bucky tugged on your hand lightly, making you wrap your arms around his shoulders as he wraps his arms around your waist. bucky softly sighs, hiding his nose on your neck as he takes in you soft scent that never failed to give him solace.

“i love you, doll.” bucky softly says as he closes his eyes savoring the moment as if you’ll go away. but he knows you won’t, it’s just that no matter what he can never get enough of you. “so much.”

“come on,” you said, giving his shoulders pats as you lightly pull away, cupping either sides of his jaw. “what do you want to do?” you ask and bucky bites his lower lip, smiling as his eyebrows move up and down. you let out a groan, “you want to watch the hobbit again, don’t you?”

“thanks, doll!” bucky enthusiastically says as he pulls you closer, pressing his lips against your cheek, his stuble tickling you causing you to giggle. bucky pulls away as he sets up the movie just the way you taught him how to. when he’s done, you look at him with a wide smile, opening your arms wide as he plops on the couch beside you and wrapping his arms around your waist.

bucky feared that you would have left him after telling you the truth, not knowing he would be happy with the information he got. he was relieved that even though the winter soldier took over him through those years, he knew that somehow he still fought against him even though it was difficult.

did i went ooc? i’m sorry it’s my first time writing for him 😭

#bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes fic #james buchanan barnes #james barnes x reader #james buchanan barnes x reader #buck barnes one shot #prolly the only time i will write but idk we'll see lmao

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kingsuckjin · 4 years ago

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Ungodly Beast 2

⸸ Pairing: Devil! Jungkook x reader, Priest! Namjoon x reader

⸸ Rated: M (18+)

⸸ Genre: smut, horror, fluff?, angst?

⸸ Synopsis: You’d rather go to hell yourself than let the devil take your baby, even if he helped create him… even if your little boy is beginning to sprout horns.

⸸ Warnings: (may contain spoilers) death, kidnapping, kind of depression and some heavy feels, satanic symbolism, voyeurism, blowjob, fingering, unprotected sex (please wrap your ding dong before playing ping pong), more sinful shit, male masturbation, dom-ish reader, strangulation (like also not in a sexy way), dom! Jungkook, spit kink, the most dirty talk you've ever seen, fisting, fingering, dick size kink, daddy kink, degradation, impreg kink, pain kink, devil kook still looks wild, spanking, branding, choking, hair pulling, biting and scratching, blood play/blood eating, tattoo kink, really rough sex, a very jealous Jungkook, more death/murder, a very brief mention of drugs, fluffy sex, gore, a fight scene, it's just graphic and awful.

⸸ Words: 15k

⸸ Note: I’d link the first part in this fic here, but tumblr has been doing this cute little thing where if you insert a link in something then the fic won’t show up in the tags. So I very sincerely apologize for the inconvenience, but you’ll have to go through my masterlist to find part 1. Also, an anon told me that this fic goes really well with the album Too Weird to Live too Rare to die by panic at the disco, specifically the song Far too young to die, so if you're looking for something to listen too while reading this, then that would be perfect.

"What have you done?"

Those were your mother's first words after telling her you were pregnant. You had no idea how she knew, perhaps it was the worried, troubled, tired look on your face that that told her. Maybe she just sensed it, sensed the seed of half evil already taken root and growing inside of you.

You stayed silent, confirming an unspoken conclusion between you. She clutched at the rosary around her neck as her shocked, open mouth quivered and glossy tears pooled in her eyes.

"You didn't…" She whispered, "please tell me you didn't."

Out of shame, you still didn't speak.

"How did you know?" You finally decided to ask.

"I've dealt with him before, I know the way his terrible presence feels, and now I feel it with you. I almost can't stand it." Her words both stung and made you have an unsettling feeling that crawled up your spine. Was it simply the baby she had felt? Had he marked you somehow and now it was you making her feel like this? Or was he with you? Silently watching and waiting.

"What did you give for the child?" Your mother was nearly in sobs now.

"He didn't tell me at first-" you began to try to defend yourself but your mother cut you off.

"He never does. What was it?"

"He's taking him…" you felt the prick of tears sting your eyes now too. You had to cover your mouth quite suddenly to keep a sob from escaping. It hurt to think about, to talk about. You were afraid. "...when he turns five."

She took your hands between hers and looked you in the eyes.

"We will do everything we can, I promise. We will fight."

You nodded and attempted to blink away the tears.

"Pray with me. We can pray. God will help us, I know it."

You nodded again as she gripped your hands firmly in hers reassuringly. She let her head fall slightly and closed her eyes prompting you to do the same.

As she started with her prayer, you began to feel a ringing in your head, the sound grew and grew until it was piercing, drowning out her words. A tsunami of nausea overtook your body so powerful you jumped up from your seat at your mother's kitchen table, knocking the chair back as you ran for the bathroom in a dizzy haze.

"Ah, they should call it all day sickness instead of morning sickness." Your mom had committed, seeming to brush it off, but you knew in your heart and deep in your soul that something was very, very wrong here.

From the moment you first saw him, you were in love. His big doe eyes, his chubby little cheeks, his soft little hands, and feet. Although he had no horns or black eyes, you tried hard not to see his father in him, which was difficult sometimes.

The worst memories for you were taking him to get baptized as a newborn. He had screamed from the moment you had entered the church and nothing you could do would calm him.

The moment the blessed holy water touched his skin, you watched as it seemed to burn and blister his infant skin in just seconds. You went out to your car in the church parking lot,

calmed him the best you could before strapping him into his car seat, and you cried.

You cried because while he seemed to be a normal little baby, your son, the baby you feed with your own body, sing to, bathe, and love, you were occasionally reminded of what he was and that you might only have him for a very short time.

He still whimpered in the back seat just as you did in the front. Guilt and sadness and fear prompted you to get out of the car and into the back seat where you unfastened him as his pout only worsted your feelings. You took his small body in your arms and held him to your chest. Your nose snuggled into his mess of fluffy dark hair.

"I love you. No ones ever going to take you away from me. I don't care what you are, you're my son more than anything." You let your tears fall onto his head.

That wasn't the scariest thing you had been through though. The worst was the nightmares.

The first was just under a month after he had been born. You had sat up in your bed covered in sweat, the house felt like an oven. Your heart was beating hard even before you had heard it coming through the baby monitor.

Singing.

It sounded high and angelic along with the happy coos of your son. As your groggy mess faded with the race of your heart you also realized it was in a language you not just couldn't understand, but had never heard anything like it before.

It took no time at all for you to practically leap from your bed, and dash from your room and down the hall to your son's room.

As you pushed his door open you saw him. You felt like your heart was beating in your throat now as you saw him with his back to you holding your son, bathed in only the moonlight that the sheer curtains of the nursery let in.

The singing had turned to a soft hum. You realized how wrong you were upon pinning his voice like an angel. You saw the horns sprouting from his wavy hair that dangled as he looked down at the baby in his arms.

You wanted to scream, you wanted to fight, you wanted to do anything to save your baby and keep him from being taken away from you. He was a newborn, it wasn't even time.

You couldn't do anything though, and you didn't know why.

Horrifyingly you found yourself yet again drawn to him, in awe at his presence.

"You can't…" you managed to choke out.

"I will." He didn't turn as he spoke to you. After he spoke, you woke up.

You couldn't sleep very long for months after that nightmare.

There was no denying by age two and a half that he looked more like his father. There was also no denying the little bumps you found while brushing his shaggy hair that sat on the top of his head under his skin. Most mothers would be concerned, wonder if their child had gotten hurt, and bumped their head a few times. But you just sat there frozen, feeling the bumps. You knew what they were, they were his father's claim to him, they were forming horns.

"Mommy okay?" Your son noticed your strange and oddly still demeanor as the hairbrush dropped from your hands onto the bathroom tile where you sat.

That's when it hit you the hardest. Your baby was halfway there. Halfway gone. All you had done so far was helplessly try to deny the fact that he was coming for him. He would take your little boy and drag him to hell if you didn't do something to fight this, find some way, something, someone to help you.

"Mommy?" your son had turned around and was now reaching for your cheeks to smush with his hands like you often did him. His face read of concern and question. Your heart melted at his little gesture. You took in his sweet little face again, his little two front teeth poked out just a little. You couldn't help but squish his face gently right back.

"Mommy's okay." You tried to reassure him the best you could, and it seemed to work. Lucky for you toddlers were sweetly gullible.

The moment you got free time you sent a text to your mom telling her you'd be dropping her grandson off at her house tomorrow, you didn't wait for a reply as you already knew she would jump at any chance to see her grandson whenever she could.

You then made a very important series of phone calls.

"Thank you, thank you so much for meeting with me today on such short notice father-"

"Father Namjoon or just Namjoon is fine." He interrupted. "And don't mention it, I'm here to help. You mentioned problems with your child?"

You took a deep breath and let your face finally show the worry you felt, your bouncing foot on the floor let out your anxiety. You sat there in his office at this tiny church. Worried he would throw you out the moment you told him the truth about what was going on.

Father Namjoon sat across the big worn wooden desk from you and waited patiently for you to further explain. Behind him on the wall was a massive cross along with pictures with him and maybe members of the church pinned to the wall.

" I'm afraid I didn't tell you everything over the phone because… well, every priest I've called said I was crazy and hung up on me after I told them." You admitted and watched as his body language changed with his growing attention.

"But father Namjoon, I swear on my son's life that what I'm about to tell you is the truth. My son is no trouble, but his father is. See, I would've brought my son in today, but he gets these… headaches and nosebleeds in churches."

You watched his reaction carefully, he curiously tilted his head.

"Go on…" he urged.

"Because his father… is… the devil."

Namjoon gave you a nod of understanding that was far too casual for the words you said.

"I have proof." You defended before he could even think to refute your claim.

"I believe you."

"What?" You asked thinking maybe you were only hearing what you wanted to.

"Listen," he leaned forward so that his arms rested on his desk. "He's real. I know he's real. The nervousness in your voice and you say you have proof… you seem perfectly sane to me. When can I meet with your son? Would your home be alright?"

"What are you doing right now? He's with my mother right now."

"Let's go." He said with sureness and no thinking time behind it.

He followed your car to your mother's home. You watched as he got out of his car and just stood there in the driveway, staring at the home.

"Something wrong father?" You asked as he brought forth the cross around his neck and clutched it tightly.

"I can feel him."

"My son? My mom says the same thing about him. We just assume he carries the same feeling as-"

"Not your son, the devil. He's here."

Your heart began to race at the thought of encountering him again. Maybe you had gotten in over your head by asking a priest to see him, but you had to do something.

"Your cross." You stopped father Namjoon as he started to walk towards the door. "I'm sorry but you can't have it near him. My mother had to take down all of hers when he was born."

His eyes seemed to shift around nervously before finally taking off his cross and putting it in his car.

"No worries." He gave you a reassuring smile.

You expected more upon entering the house, not just for your son to casually be sitting there watching tv.

You and your mother had exchanged silent, nervous glances upon her letting you in and seeing the priest.

"Hey buddy, someone wants to talk to you." You knelt down and told your son but he seemed to ignore you.

Your mom turned off the tv, but it didn't seem to affect him.

"Touch his head." You whispered to Namjoon.

He stepped forward and crouched on the floor.

"Hey, little guy! What kind of show were you watching?" He placed his hand on your son's head to pat it but quickly retracted it.

"Don't touch me." your son spoke clearly and firmly. His speech was nothing like his normal, broken toddler way of talking.

You looked at Namjoon who still looked shocked by something, it had to be the growing horns.

"Daddy said don't touch me." Your son spoke again perfectly as if he were a few years older.

Daddy said

"Oh my go-" you couldn't help but let out at his words. Had his father been around this whole time? Just watching him… and you?

"I won't touch you, I promise. Could you turn around for me?"

Your son did as he was asked and faced the priest, looking up at him with wide, almost terrified eyes.

“Can I show him your back?” you asked knowing he would let you touch him before he would a priest. Your son nodded but seemed confused.

You lifted the side of his shirt and showed Namjoon the mark spread along the ribs. The upside-down thick, black cross.

“Quite a birthmark you have there.” Namjoon joked with the boy.

“His father has the same one."

Namjoon stood to his feet which prompted you to do the same.

"Can we talk?" His eyes flickered towards the front door.

"Yeah of course."

"Possibly off the property?" He added and you gave him a nod.

“I'll be back” you assured your mother as you left with the priest.

He led you to his car before asking if you wanted to get a coffee and told you he needed it after what he had just seen and felt. You understood and agreed.

He continued to apologize on the short drive there, but again you understood his need to process this.

It wasn't until after you both had gotten your drinks and sat down in a quiet corner of the shop that he began to talk openly.

“I’m still not sure what to think of all this, but I know you're not lying. He looks like him. My…” he let out a sigh as he played with a pink packet of sugar. “My grandmother had a run-in with him once, never said why or how, but she described him and the way his presence felt. I just don’t think it's your child making me feel that way. I really need to ask what happened between you and...his...father.”

“I-um..I…” you too took a deep breath and decided to explain everything as detailed as you could from summoning him, to only having a few years left with your son. You felt ashamed as you explained to this priest how you had slept with the devil.

Namjoon didn't seem to judge you though, as a matter of fact, he looked sympathetic. He seemed so sweet, kind, and understanding.

“I’m not sure what I can do here,” he told you and reached across the table to place his hand on yours “but I promise to do the best I can. I will do what I can to help protect your family and son.”

You felt the honesty and sincerity in his words, it felt so comforting to you.

“It’s going to be hard, I can just tell he doesn't want me there. I don't know if it’s because I’m a man or because I’m a priest. Let me ask you a rather personal question, have you dated at all since your son was born?”

“No.” you shook your head “I don’t want anyone getting attached to my son because I just don't know what's going to happen. Also, I’m afraid…he might do something. I just… I don't want to put anyone else into this that doesn't need to be.” that part hurt you too, you just felt so lonely on top of it all. “I've had no one to turn to with all of this except my mother.”

“Well, you have me now, okay? You don't have to feel alone anymore. We can solve this together.”

Namjoon had come up with a plan to meet with your son every other day, and at the end of the week, he would meet with only you and talk over the progress, if he had made any at all.

Just a few months in, there was a difference. It seemed his method of slowly introducing god and holy objects such as crosses were beginning to work, he no longer got headaches and nosebleeds around them, and his horns while still little bumps under his skin, they had stopped growing. That also happened to be the month your mother got very very sick. No matter how many times Namjoon came and prayed over her, she still continued to just slip away until she was gone.

And now you had no one but Namjoon.

The day after she passed away was the hardest. Your son was still too small to fully grasp the concept of death, but he still cried about his grandmother never getting to play with him again.

You had waited until you had put him to bed and he had fallen asleep to pour yourself a glass of wine and just cry.

Nothing could distract you from the pain, from the heavy misery, not even the pouring rain and house shaking thunder.

You had turned off all of the lights, the only thing that would occasionally light the room was the lightning.

You felt so alone, more alone than you've felt in your life. You tried hard to sense him, but he just didn't seem there. The one time you felt so desperate and alone, his presence didn't loom over you.

“I hate you,” you spoke out loud. “If you can hear me I hate you. I hate that you've done this to me, I hate that you took her from me and your son. Are you really watching over your son or do you just love to see me suffer? Do you love to see me alone? Huh?” anger coursed through you as you talked to the walls “Answer me!” you yelled a little too loudly and worried that you would wake your son up so you decided to be quiet.

The desperation and loneliness felt like it was suffocating you, you had to do something.

You felt pathetic calling him up this late, but once you heard his voice you already felt better.

“Hey, how are you hanging in there?”

“Not good Namjoon.” you sniffled “I-I just feel so alone, so in over my head. All the things my mom has done for me I just…” you did your best to hold back tears.

“Do you want me there? Is it alright if I come over so you don't have to feel alone?”

“Please?” Your plea was squeaky and weak.

“I’ll leave right now okay? It's just important to remember that you're not alone. God is with you.”

“Thank you. I don't know what I would have done this past few months without you.”

“Please, don't mention it.”

You don't know how it got here. You had only had a half a glass of wine in total, and a two-hour deep conversation and now you had pulled him into your room and you were ripping off each other’s clothes as if they were tainted.

“Fuck me” you tossed your shirt to the floor and pressed your lips back to his with ferocity. He sharply exhaled through his nose at how turned on he was by your demand, although you could feel it through his underwear.

“You sure?” he mumbled into your lips. You let out a hum into his before sinking to your knees.

“Fuck.” he muttered, mesmerized as you pulled his underwear, letting it fall at his feet and letting his cock loose.

You let little time pass between the moment you saw his cock and putting it into your mouth. You were hungry for touch, for affection, for sex, for companionship, and you were sure to show that in the form of his dick in your throat. It was as if somehow you hoped it could fill that strange void that had existed in you for far too long.

He thrust in tandem with your head bobbing while letting out groans and sharp breaths of pleasure that just told you that it had been a while for him too.

Thunder rolled in your dark room as you suppressed a gag and let your spit dribble down your chin. You were dripping with need at just the thought of sex.

As a brief flash of lightning lit the room, you swore you saw him in the chair in the corner of the room, legs crossed, watching you.

Could it have just been your imagination playing tricks on you? Could you have been just thinking about him? Was it what you wanted to see?

You closed your eyes as you took Namjoon deeper into your throat, letting the tip of your nose connect with his thin patch of pubes.

His hands tangled in the back of your hair.

"Can- can we have sex? Please? This feels too good to take this anymore."

You took him from your mouth and got into the bed on all fours. He took a moment to take your body and pose in for a moment, but once his brain seemed to function again he got behind you on the bed.

His fingers ran down the skin of your back almost making you shiver.

He yanked your underwear down around your thighs and ran his fingers along your soaking folds.

"No teasing, fuck me."

You heard an almost inaudible moan behind you before feeling his tip at your entrance.

The feeling of him slowly sinking into you, filling you, felt so nice after so long.

"Be rough with me."

"O-okay." He stammered and grabbed the back of your hair to pull on as he began slamming into you.

The skin of his thighs slapped at the meat of your ass over and over, but it somehow just wasn't enough.

"Harder, call me names."

"I won't- I can't call you names." He panted his refusal.

Thank god he was behind you so he couldn't see you rolling your eyes.

"Stop stop, stop."

His hips quit moving at once.

"Lay on your back." You had had enough and wanted to take this into your own hands.

One he pulled out and played down you straddled his hips, reaching down to guide his cock into your entrance before sinking down on it.

The moment you slowly moved your hips with him buried inside of you he began to moan. You picked up his hands and placed them on your breasts.

"What do you think, father?" Your voice dripped with seduction as you clenched around him.

"You're so- oh god- so beautiful."

"Wrong answer." You stilled your hips making him scramble for the right words.

"Your pussy is so wet… just for me."

"All for you." You began to move your hips again with the answer that satisfied you. Possibly to make sure they didn't stop again his hands drifted down to your hips to move them faster on his own. You couldn't help the loud moan that slipped out of your mouth at him taking control just a little.

"You take my dick so well."

"Fuck fuck." You chanted, moving your hips faster, feeling so close to losing it. You couldn't lie, the thought of him being a priest was really about to get you off right now.

"Such a bad girl." He murmured. Maybe he felt the same.

"Does it feel good being in the same cunt as the devil has been?" You teased.

You swore you heard a very short, unamused chuckle from somewhere in the room.

"Fuck yes, fuck I'm so close." He aggressively moved your hips now, his fingers digging into your flesh and finally making you cum.

"Up up"

You got off of him fast and watched ad his hand went around his cock to give it a few short jerks. His thick cum spurted from the tip. Coating his hand and shaft.

"I'll get you something to clean that up with." You climbed off of him as he quickly nodded.

"Darliiiiing"

You felt a hand on your thigh that woke you from your sleep.

"Wake up, I need you." Your face contorted in confusion at Namjoon's words.

"Too tired." You muttered into your pillow.

"But I'm so hard for you." His deep voice whispered in your ear sending tingles through your body.

"All I can think about is your wet little cunt of yours. I'll do whatever you want me to darling." His hand ghosted up your back until it came around and reached your neck where he left it

"Mmm." You hummed in satisfaction as you rotted your ass into his once again hard dick.

"You like that? Hm?" His voice was so thick and rough with sleep. "What if I squeezed just a little?" His fingers tightened slightly around your throat.

You were more than ready now for round two, it seemed he had found some courage between when you fucked earlier and now.

"Who does your pussy belong to, darling?"

"You." You whispered mixed with a moan. You needed him back inside of you so badly that you ached for it.

"You lying whore." His grip on your throat tightened, so much that it became almost impossible to breathe.

You struggled against his grip and tried to pry his hand from your throat.

"Your body and cunt belongs to the devil. Evil courses through your blood." You could hear the hate in his voice through his gritted teeth.

You tried to kick at him, hit him, but you could feel the tightness in your face and brain from lack of blood flow and oxygen.

"Stop, please." You attempted to choke out as your vision grew hazy.

"You belong in hell too."

You thrashed until there was no more pressure on your throat, your hands and feet collided with nothing.

You sat up in your bed covered in sweat. You were alone and once again your room was as hot as the pits of hell themselves.

You picked up your phone from the nightstand, almost blinding yourself with the light from it as you checked the time.

Namjoon had left hours ago. He had left upon your request.

"What the fuck." You sighed as you flopped back into your bed.

As you laid there the weight of reality seemed to feel heavier and heavier on your chest, crushing.

Your mother was dead, you had fucked a priest, the devil wouldn't leave you alone, and you had very little time before your son was gone forever.

Your bedroom felt too large, too spacious for your lonely body just as all of your problems did. Would you end up sucked into it all? Eaten alive? Was there any point in fighting at all?

You swallowed down the lump in your throat but it was no use. You couldn't stop the tears that filled your eyes and leaked into your hairline as you stared up at your ceiling.

"Please" your word brought forth your sobs in the empty room "make it stop. I'll do anything but give up my son, just make it stop."

You couldn't help it, for weeks after your dream you felt weird around Namjoon. The rational part of your brain knew he wouldn't hurt you, although you still denied any little advances he made. It did fade, and once he took you out to dinner and you let him put his hand on your knee, but he was careful not to overstep boundaries.

You thought about calling him one night as you laid there sleepless in your bed. You don’t know how you had gotten so turned on but your body felt so hot with need.

You tried to just roll over and go to bed, but your sensitive clit throbbed along with your heartbeat as if begging you to touch it. Sny motion you made at all only made things worse until you gave in.

You pulled up your oversized sleep shirt and shoved a hand down your panties. You paused a moment as you realized that it wasn't just getting off you needed, but contact with someone.

You went to reach for your phone on the nightstand, but your hand didn't even meet it before you froze.

"Don't." It was a command.

Your eyes flashed to him sitting in the chair in the corner of the room, just like you thought you had seen him a month ago with Namjoon.

You quickly pulled your hand from your underwear and sat up with your mouth agape.

"Did you miss me, darling?" His horns tilted as his head did.

"Get out of my fucking house and leave me and my son alone!" You growled, clutching your shorts angrily in your fists.

"Why? So you can fuck that priest again?" He held up his index finger, slightly shaking it making a tsk-ing sound.

"Why does it matter to you what I do?" Your voice was stone cold.

He narrowed his eyes at you and leaned forward in the chair with a smirk. You couldn't stop yourself from thinking how regal and utterly beautiful he looked. He looked far more casual this time in a black t-shirt and jeans, but nonetheless majestic and powerful.

"You must've forgotten. That's alright, I wouldn't mind reminding you. I'm not here for our son, don't worry, not just yet."

"Then let's talk about that."

"Talk?" He gave a little smile "we can talk. Come here."

Although you wanted to, almost needed to, you stayed in your bed.

"Then feel free to keep going… unless you want some help."

"Tell me why you're here." You demanded.

"I'm here to save you. You called me."

"I didn't." You argued.

He beckoned you over once more as he stood from the chair. You got out of bed this time and stepped closer.

"You've done nothing but try to get my attention for months. Don't argue, you know I'm right. I can hear it again, that delicate little heart of yours fluttering when you see me." He reached a hand out for you, you took it, it was just so warm in yours. You let him pull you in until your back faced his chest with his hands on your sides.

"You called me, see?" You closed your eyes as he whispered to you, your bodies swayed together in a nonexistent song. It felt as though he was pulling you deeper into a trance, and you let yourself go.

"Does that heartbeat for me? Do you live for me? Do you want me?" You felt his nose graze your neck, the hot air from his worst trailing behind it. You had dreams of this moment for years. His whispers, his touch, the way he made you feel drunk and hypnotized you, the way he made you feel whole.

"Yes." You couldn't lie, everything but the truth had melted away, you couldn't feel or speak much else. You were weak for him, weaker than you remembered.

"Then are you mine?"

"Yes." You answered once more.

"I'll talk to you my love, about whatever your heart desires. First, tell me what it is you want from me." He whispered as you felt him grip the hem of your sleep shirt at your thighs. His hands brushed your skin. You continued to sway with him, eyes closed, worried that if you opened your eyes that this would all be a dream, worried that if you looked at him you'd fall deeper.

You didn't want to say it, you didn't want to admit you wanted him right now. He had done so much to you. Your internal struggle was hard, you wanted him desperately, yet he had done so much to you and your family. Even your closed eyes couldn't hold back the tears that escaped.

"Why did you take her?" A single son escaped but you shut it down, you refused to show all of your weakness.

To your surprise, he gently shushed you.

"Darling, I didn't take her. Her soul was never mine to take. I don't decide who lives and dies, it was just her time."

You were stunned, why was he comforting you? Why did it feel so good?

"Please don't take our son, he's alI have now, he-"

"I've thought about so many things. We can talk later, no tricks, no lies. You don't need to worry. Just let them all fall away and tell me what you want."

You bit your lip as you felt his cock begin to twitch beside you.

"You already know I want you." Your voice was a soft, weak whisper.

"Yes, but do you want me to hold and comfort you? You've been struggling so much with that. Perhaps you want my cock buried so deep inside of you that it hurts. Or maybe you just want me to pump that belly full of a second baby."

His hand slid into your panties as you let out a gasp of excitement. Every nerve in your body felt hypersensitive, so when he slid his finger over your slit you cried out for him.

"All of it. Please, I want it all."

"What a greedy, needy little bitch. Did that boring god loving freak not satisfy you?" He teased as his finger dipped into your folds and teased at your clit.

"N-no." You stammered.

"You didn't look like you were having much fun, not until you saw me at least." He seemed so amused by it. "I'm a little mad you let him poorly use you like that" he seemed to growl making slight fear go down your spine. "Who fucks you better? Who has a bigger dick?" His finger circling your clit picked up speed with the ferocity of his words.

"You." Your breath was already short.

"Tonight, prove to me that you're mine, that you're devoted, that you'll do whatever it takes for me, And I'll show you I'm yours."

This wasn't happening, you couldn't believe the words he had just softly said into your neck. Your disbelief was cut off by your quickly approaching orgasm. You let out a whine as your knees turned to rubber, you would've fallen had he not have been holding you tightly against him.

"That's it darling, let me have you, let go for me." Your orgasm exploded through you like a bomb and all you could do was whine.

"Such a good girl." He still held you tightly and placed light kisses on your neck and collarbone as he took his tattooed hand from the front of your panties.

You let out a small shriek when he picked you up and carefully set you on the bed. He could've broken you in half right then and there, if he wanted to.

"On all fours, ass facing me."

You hurried into position for him, and for a while, you felt nothing until you felt the fiery sting of a slap along a cheek.

You sucked in a breath.

"What's the matter baby, can't take it for me?"

He was so wrong, you loved it.

"I'll take whatever you give me." Your words were followed by the pleasure of another slap.

"Fuck it." He muttered and suddenly you were dragged by your legs onto his lap where he positioned you over it.

"Take anything for me, huh? We'll see about that." The slaps kept coming until your ass felt raw. You arched your ass up for him as you let out a needy whine.

"You're so fucking wet, it's everywhere. Do you want me to touch you? Is that what you're whining for?"

You let out another whine.

"Say it."

"Please touch me. I want you to touch me."

"I'll give you what you want." You knew that tone he used, it was the tone of having something else planned.

His fingers immediately sunk into your core.

"You're wetter than I thought, I could slide whatever I wanted into you so effortlessly."

You could hear the sounds of his coated fingers working you too.

"Whatever you want." You replied hoping it was his cock, but you knew better at this point.

"My love, I'm going to absolutely fucking ruin you."

You went to reply but suddenly felt the slight stretch and sting of more fingers entering you.

"Ahhhh." You let out but backed up further onto his hand, still wanting more.

"What a good little whore, look at you riding my hand and taking it all for me."

You loved the pain, and he gave it to you like no one else could. You were already ruined for anyone else, but he didn't know that.

His hand felt so deep inside of you that you swear you could feel it in your stomach.

"Harder." You begged, and he obliged.

"You like me filling you like this, slut? I'm going to stretch your pussy so well for my big cock."

You continued to rock backward in tandem with his movements, it didn't take long at all until you were almost there, panting and gripping the sheets.

He stopped and slowly pulled his hand from your cunt, leaving you feeling more hollowed out than a pumpkin.

You left his lap and looked at him just in time to see his shirt come off. His body was just as beautiful as you remembered it, something of pure art and fantasy combined. Tattooed, muscular, and smooth you just wanted to lick every single inch of him, you had to.

You climbed back into his lap and pushed him back while you leaned forward and placed your lips to the very warm flesh of his collarbone. Your lips made their way down slowly to his nipples and enveloped one in your mouth.

"Ah." A sound of surprise and pleasure came from him, and you loved it, you loved that you could make him feel that way, you wanted more.

You took your mouth from his chest and crawled backward until you sat between his legs.

You undid his pants and pushed his underwear down along with him. You had almost forgotten just how massive his cock was. It was veiny and the tip was a blushed shade of pink that made your mouth water.

You spit in both your hands and wrapped them both around his shaft.

You slid your spit slicked hands over his leaking head before slowly bringing then down to the base.

"Faster darling. Don't play with me." He threatened with a grunt. You did as he asked and even added your mouth.

His hands tangled tightly in your hair at once.

It was hard to take him even halfway into your mouth without you gagging around his size and thickness filling your throat.

As you sucked his dick, you stared at the three black sixes on his lower stomach and watched as they moved as his muscles flexed.

"What I wouldn't give to cum down your throat right now."

You moaned around his cock at the desperation and lust in his voice.

"So fucking good for me. You suck my cock so well with your little whore mouth." He gripped your hair tighter but still not enough to hurt.

Him lying there, moaning and groaning as you pleased him made you all the more impossibly wet, you could feel it as you squeezed your thighs together.

"Please come here." He asked as he released your hair and sat up.

As you let his cock leave your mouth and too sat up only for him to lift and drag you onto his lap once again. He reached down and guided his cock into your entrance.

As you lowered yourself onto him he made a noise that should've stopped your heart.

It was a moan and a sigh all at once, he combined that with dropping his head onto your shoulder. The fullness and warmth of his cock inside of you, every little move he made, he was all just too much. How could you survive something like this a second time, especially with being this close to him.

He didn't move even an inch for a moment, not until he lifted his head off of your body and peered at you with those inky black eyes through his just as inky dark hair.

His net movements were fast, rough, and hard. He grabbed your hair from behind, forcing your head as far back as it could go without breaking anything. Your chest was arched towards him and he used it to his advantage by taking a nipple into his mouth as he bucked his hips into you quickly. All you could do was grip his shoulders for dear life as he fucked into you, fingernails sinking deeper and deeper into his muscular flesh the closer he pushed you to your high.

You felt the little sharp sting of him pinching your nipple between his teeth. You couldn't help but fall completely apart as you moaned out the filthiest curse words that you could.

Once he let your hair go and you could properly look at him, you saw beads of dark liquid forming on his shoulders. Your nails and grip had drawn blood, real human blood.

All you could do was stare. He bled just like you, he was vulnerable just like you, just like anyone else.

"Hm?" He caught your staring but seemed confused.

"I-I hurt you. I'm sorry." You furrowed your eyebrows with guilt.

He laughed, it was a real laugh, not a teasing one, not an unamused snort. His nose crinkled and his more prominent two front teeth were made more visible.

"It didn't hurt, I didn't even know you did it." He tried to get a look at the little droplets himself before wiping one away with his finger to show there was no mark left, he had somehow healed.

Each fleeting glimpse of his humanity vanished as soon as you spotted it.

His dick was beginning to soften inside of you despite him not getting off yet.

"Did you want to kiss it and make it better for me?" His voice was seductively playful and you couldn't tell if he was joking or not until he brought his blood-smeared fingertips to your lips.

You looked him in the eyes as you took them into your mouth and sucked them clean. He looked satisfied and you could feel his dick twitch back to life inside of you, showing you how much he liked that. Without a second thought, you attached your mouth to his shoulder and began to lick and cuck at the blood droplets where the wounds once were. The moment reminded you of when you were a child and they told you that wine was the blood of Christ, except this was so much better. You wanted to show him you were willing to take him in any way possible, to submit to every desire he had.

He pushed his now hard cock as far as it would go into you.

"I want to do something to you." He whispered as he continued to slowly thrust.

"Do it." Your reply was fast.

"It's going to hurt you." He added.

"Do it."

“I will. For now, shut up and bounce on my cock, slut.” his tattooed hand grabbed throat “ and you better fucking ride it harder and faster than you did that stupid Jesus loving freak.” his face read of disgust.

“Yes daddy,” you replied trying to hide the smirk at the satisfaction on his face from you calling him that.

He dropped his hand from your neck and you began to move your hips as he laid back. You would normally start slow, but you let him have it. Everything about him was incomparable to anyone you’ve ever slept with.

“Fuck, like that baby.” His hair was messy, his eyes were squeezed shut and his tattoo that looked like a snake that wrapped around his torso almost looked like it was slithering.

“You like that daddy? I took every inch of your big cock just for you.” you loved the power over him that he was letting you have and you were going to make sure you got to enjoy it.

His hand shot to your hip and he squeezed.

“I swear If you fucking make me cum right now you’ll fucking pay for it,” he grunted obviously trying to hold back seeing as his hand was digging into your skin as if it was the last lifeline between him and losing it.

“Don’t you want to cum in my pussy daddy? Fill it full of cum and watch it drip out of me?” you continued to tease him and bring him even closer as you jackhammered up and down on his rock hard dick.

“Fuck, this is your last damn warning bitch.” his jaw was clenched, but it was too late, you were already falling apart on top of him, once again saying the dirtiest shit you could as he shuttered under you, barely hanging on as he watched you cum.

You paused, breathing heavily for a moment of rest, but it didn't last long. He was pulling out of you and throwing you face down on the bed, holding your hands by the wrists behind your back.

“I fucking told you, didn’t I?”

“Sorry, dadd-”

“Did I say you could speak bitch?”

He wasn’t even inside you anymore but you’re empty walls clenched as you let out a small moan onto the bed sheets.

“Now let’s see just how fucking much you’re willing to take. Be good for me darling.”

You were scared but excited at the same time, the adrenaline that coursed through your veins was nothing like you’ve ever felt before.

“Yes daddy.”

“Don’t fucking move.”

You listened and stayed completely still.

You felt his hand cover the back of your neck. It got warmer and warmer until it felt searingly hot, it was burning your skin. You bit down on your lip so hard it had to have left a bruise just to keep from screaming. There was no way of stopping the whimpers that came from you in the few seconds that his hand was on your skin.

“There,” he said and sounded as though he was admiring his work before releasing your body and letting you sit up. By the time you sat up though, the pain was entirely gone as if it had never even happened.

“It’s the mark, to match.” you knew he meant that he had just branded you with an upside-down cross to match his and your son’s. You were too busy noticing the wetness on your cheeks and wondering where they had come from to concentrate on this strange sentimental moment.

You felt something warm roll down your cheek and lifted a hand to wipe away what you now realized were tears, but he gently grabbed your wrist.

With his other hand went to your chin and guided your head to face him.

You were met face to face with him, his dark eyes peering into yours and also assessing your wet cheeks.

Both hands now went to your cheeks and his thumbs wiped over the wet mess on your skin.

He was trying to dry your tears.

“I’m sorry I hurt you.” his voice was quiet. It was a glimmer of sincerity, a splinter of sweetness.

“I didn’t even feel it.” you joked but he didn’t buy it or laugh, instead he just continued to stare into your eyes with both hands on your face.

He leaned in so slowly, head tilting slightly and his lips met yours so gently. Your eyes closed and pressed your lips harder into his.

It was a sweet kiss but it held the strength and intensity of being punched in the stomach.

Your hands came up to roam the back of his shaggy, dark hair but your mind was elsewhere.

You imagined him as an average man, your son as a normal little boy, you imagined a family. Cuddling on the couch, touching him whenever you pleased, your son being able to play with his father, your life with him would never grow dull. However, your daydreams were dashed as your hand accidentally met with a horn.

What was wrong with you? You knew these things were stupid and unattainable, he was unattainable. Although you had known this fact from the start, here you were sleeping with him again. He fucked you over so hard, he was pure evil and you knew it, but yet here you were falling for him even harder. To be fair though, was there a soul living or dead that could resist him, that ever has been able to?

You pulled away, his hands left your face.

He looked at you with wide eyes, he looked almost shocked, scared. There was some kind of very deep feeling moment between the both of you, some kind of wordless exchange of revelations.

A million things you wanted to say to him flooded your mind at this moment. There were so many things you wanted answers to ”Do you know how miserable I was? Do you know what it felt like waiting for you in fear the entire time? Do you know how much I hate not being able to hate you? Do you know how bad it hurts me seeing your face in my son’s? Do you know how badly you ruined my entire adult life? Do you know how hurtfully perfect you look? Do you know how lucky and cursed I feel all at once? Do you feel any weight for the things you've done to me and my family?” but you were too scared this moment would end, that he would never come back, that he would take your son and leave. You wanted to cry, but you pushed the entire internal war out of your mind, you boxed it all away just to not ruin this moment.

During your thoughts and your stares at one another, his face had softened and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Y/n” you realized that it was the first time he had ever spoken your name out loud, and as beautiful as it had sounded coming from his lips, you didn't want to hear it spoken so guilt filled. “I’m so sor-”

"Are you going to make me cum again or not?" You broke the silence, and he seemed thrown off for a moment. You didn't know what he was apologizing for, but you didn't want to know. Not only did you want to shut this sad moment down just to have the fun back, but something inside of you hurt to hear and see him like this.

An expression you were familiar with him having flickered onto his face, a smirk. It relieved you and set the fire in your body back alight.

He tackled you with his hands wrapped around you. You were flesh to flesh, his lips moving to the space above your breasts, sucking hard before moving onto another are.

“Dont fuck anyone else.” it wasn't sharp like his normal demands, it was almost as if he was asking you not to without making it into a real question.

You almost snorted as he continued making an army of marks that continued to trail lower and lower.

You almost snorted sarcastically.

“Then who the Hell am I supposed to fuck?”

“Me, fuck me.”

You did sarcastically laugh at this one.

“Don't laugh at me.” he said defensively before sucking a new place by your belly button.

“What? Every few years you’ll swing by and I just have to wait until then?”

“No. Are you even enjoying this anymore or have you now set your focus on calling me out?” he looked up at you with an arched brow.

“Calling you out seems more fun right now.” you were only half joking, all of that hurt hfrom earlier was now festering back up to the surface upon hearing his stupid lies.

“I told you I’d talk, and I will. Trust me.” he sat up and looked down at you.

“I’ve trusted you before and that was shitty.” you argued.

“Then why the fuck are you fucking me now? Why the fuck are you letting me mark you? Why the fuck are you telling me you belong to me?” he shot back.

“BECAUSE I WANT TO PRETEND YOU'RE NOT… NOT...I DON’T KNOW...THE ACTUAL FUCKING DEVIL!” you whisper yelled at him through clenched teeth.

He came down over you and looked you in the eyes for a moment with such a look you thought he might kill you, but instead his voice was quiet and calm.

“If you think I’m incapable of feeling then you’re wrong, you're dead wrong. If I didn’t feel, then why would I want my son? Why have I been watching him grow, watching you love and take care of him and doing my best not to interfere with your time with him. I may not be mortal but I have feelings, I have empathy. Do you understand the shit I have to see and be in charge of? Do you know what it feels like to just want something so pure in good while living in something so fucked? Watching you and our son has been the only sliver of heaven that I’ve ever been able to have.” his arms were shaking as he held himself over you. You had never seen his body show any signs of tiredness or weakness, even his wounds had healed right up. He was shaken talking about this and it was obvious.

It hit you hard. Why would he want to take him? Why did all of this just make sense?

“So please, don’t take this away from me right now. Let me make you cum again, let me just have this for a little longer and we can talk.”

You were stunned. He had felt the same way, he wanted to drag this out just as much as you did, he wanted to cherish this. The question now in the air was, if you both wanted to be together, then why couldn't you?

You yanked him by the hair, forcing his lips to collide with yours. Your tongue clashed with his split one, but it no longer surprised you or made you nervous. While little about him was normal, what was normal anyway? From the moment you saw him as he really was you had thought he was perfect, so why until now had you been wishing for him to be the man you first saw at the bar? Was it because the puzzle piece of his humanity had been missing in an otherwise perfect puzzle?

Your teeth gnashed together as if you were young, new lovers blooming with anticipation, as if you had never touched before now, despite fucking for god knows how long already.

He bit at your already sore lip you had bitten down on, but he wasn't harsh.

“I want you.” you told him meaning more than just how he took it. He reached between both of you and pushed himself into your already abused core, you winced from the ache and the sensitivity.

“Close your eyes” his voice was so quiet you almost didn't hear his instruction.

You closed them though.

“Now imagine me like you.”

“Why?” you asked.

“Humor me.”

You did, you imagined him like he was the night of the bar, like you had thought of him earlier.

“Now run your hands through my hair.”

With your eyes still closed, you felt for his hair before coming them through the soft, wavy strands. Your eyes opened just to make sure what you were feeling was correct. As you looked at his hornless head, his brown eyes looked down at you. Now you properly looked him in the eyes and now that you could see his irises, you knew now that he was looking right at you, not just at you though. He looked at you like you were the most beautiful person he had ever seen with a small smile of amusement.

“I just wanted to have this moment with you, like you. I thought it would mean something to you to not have to look into cold, black pits.”

The man looking and speaking to you right now was not the devil, he wasn't horrible or evil but neither was the man he was before but you were yet to know why he did the things he did.

You lifted your neck this time to kiss him and his lips chased yours as you laid back onto the pillow. He once again slowly began to thrust, short breaths and quiet moans escaped you both. Your legs entangled around his hips, angling your own body so he could hit just the right place.

“Be with me.” his voice shook as he continued to thrust “I’ll do anything.” he sounded just so weak as if he were pleading.

“I’m already yours, don't pretend you don't know that.”

“Let's have a family then, I’ll stay.” he rested his forehead on top of yours, his eyes were closed, hips still moving hard cut slow as if with each powerful but passionate thrust was a chance to convince you to be with him.

“As-” you could feel yourself coming closer and struggling harder to catch your breath. “As long as you stay.” You knew it, if he went away, if you lost him tonight, nothing would ever feel this good again, you'd never feel this complete for as long as you lived.

“Let's start now on expanding.” you could see his slight smile before his voice turned serious and sultry.” want me to put another baby in you?”

“Please, fuck I’m so close.”

“Come on baby, cum for me one more time.” he picked up the pace with his hips up just a little more. “Let me get you pregnant again.”

He only thrust into you a few more times before you were coming undone underneath him.

“Fuck, I love you fuck fuck fuck.” you moaned as he also let go, burying himself deeper than he already had been.

“I love you, I love you too.” he messily kissed your lips as you felt his last few pumps slow.

Only when he had said it back did you realize you had said it at all.

You were still breathing heavily as he pulled out and laid down next you. There was silence between you, for a while as you both recovered.

"I said I would talk so here it is."

You decided to just lay there and listen to him.

"I've always known we were supposed to be together, always. There are things I just know, I can't explain it, sometimes I just know destiny and sometimes I don't until certain events happen. Ever since I became the king of hell I've always known that eventually there would be one woman that would bring me to my knees. They call her Lilith, although that's not her name just as satan, the devil, whatever, isn't mine. There have been stories and mythology written about you that just aren't true, much like everything else in my life. When I met your mother, I knew I was fucked. So I stopped you from being able to conceive, how was I supposed to know I was only helping destiny along? When you summoned me I was nervous, although curious as to what you would be like, I never watched you until you began to work on summoning me. I developed a plan. I thought if I just gave you what you wanted and then took it away from you then you would hate me, you would never want to see me again, but yet again I plated into destiny. The moment I saw my son… when I watched you care for him and love him, I-I felt this longing. I wanted to hold him, I wanted to be with you both. I kept my distance and fought against the urge to just drop in and tell you how I felt. I resented you for the power you held over me, but at the same time I wanted to give you your space and let you have your time with him. I was still going to take him but at that point it was out of love. I knew you were still angry with me anyway, rightfully so, I also thought… that you couldn't love someone like me anyway, you were better off with a mortal and I wanted to let you live your life. I watched your pathetic attempts to protect our son from me, at least you thought you were only trying to protect him. You're a good mother, just like yours was. When our son was really little I used to sneak into his nursery and just hold him and stare at him, I could see you in him. The point where I knew I had to step in was the priest. Not only did he treat my son like his, not only did you fuck him and make me jealous but-"

He abruptly wet quiet just as the anger in his voice seemed to pick up.

"I'm sorry." You replied.

"It's not that, it's not any of that that makes me hate him, it's not my jealousy." He still didn't say what it was, but instead he got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" You sat straight up.

"I'm going to shower if that's okay." He replied as he shuffled for the bathroom attached to your room.

"Sure." He was already in there by the time you uttered out your dumbstruck reply.

He had said he would stay, you don't know why him doing average things in your home just astounded you.

You laid back in the bed with the reassurance of him planning to stay and you thought about it all.

At first you asked yourself what your mother would think of this, what she would say. Maybe if she knew everything that he had just told you she simply wouldn't say anything at all. She had been able to love the devil's son and see him for just the little boy he really was, so maybe she would've done the same for the devil himself had she really known him.

You were beginning to feel uncomfortable with the stickiness of his speed leaking out and smearing all over your thighs.

Some part of you was nervous to go into the bathroom with him showering in there, but it was your house.

You ran to the bathroom as fast as it could to keep the cum from dripping everywhere and making a mess on the floor.

You paused as you caught a glimpse of his silhouette through the shower curtain.

His horns had returned, but you didn't look at him as much as his overall shape, you could help your staring.

"I hear your heart again, are you looking at me?" He chuckled and your eyes went wide with the horror of being caught.

"I…"

"Do you want in here with me?"

"...y-yes?"

"Get in, I promise to just let you shower, no funny business." He offered.

He kept his word though, he did his own thing in the shower and so did you. He did look jarringly beautiful with the water beading on his tattooed skin and muscles, but you didn't know how much more your body could physically handle of him so you kept your hands to yourself.

He got out of the shower before you, you were a little concerned at the silence so you got out soon after.

You found a fresh towel and pajamas waiting for you on the bathroom sink so you quickly dressed.

He just sat there in a white t-shirt and black sweat pants at the foot of your bed. His head was down and he looked to be in deep thought as he stared at the floor. He looked a little sad.

"Have you seen him since you've been here?" You asked curiously, making him finally look up and shake his head.

"Would you like to?"

He seemed shocked by your offer.

"I wouldn't want to wake him…"

"It's alright, he's a good sleeper, he'll go back to bed… if you want to that is."

"I really really want to, I haven't seen him person to person since he was a newborn."

You led him down the hall and pushed open your son's cracked bedroom door.

His night light dimly lit the form of his little body snuggled in his toddler sized bed.

You let his father take a few apprehensive steps into the room, slowly approaching him before he knelt on the floor by the bed.

You just looked on at the little moment.

He gently pushed his son's shaggy hair from his sleeping face, but caused him to stir.

"Daddy?" You heard your son's sleepy voice ask. You had no idea how he knew it was his father, and from the look on his father's face, neither did he.

"Hey buddy."

Your son sat up and threw his arms around his father's neck, who promptly picked him up and stood. He wrapped his arms around the little boy, holding him close.

"How did you know it was me?"

Your son unwrapped his arms from his father and looked at his face.

You saw his lips begin to quiver and his eyes fill with tears as he started to break down.

"Oh no." You whispered as you saw your boy stare at the horns on his father's head.

"Your horns are scaring him." You whispered.

Your son patted the top of his own head as he sobbed in his father's arms.

"Me too, I too."

"Oh." You said as you realized that your son was answering his dad.

"You have them too? That's how you knew, huh?"

Your son nodded to his father and began to cry harder. His dad pulled him back into his body, lightly shushing him and patting his back. He buried his head in the little boy's hair much like you had the day in your car after he was horrifically baptized.

The moment hit you like a train.

He had missed his father all this time, and you had no idea.

"you know I'm always with you, right? You and mommy both."

Your son nodded into his father's neck, soaking his shirt with tears although his father didn't seem to mind at all.

"I know you hear me sometimes. You know I'm here."

Your son pulled away from him again to look at him.

"Daddy-" his words were cut off by upset hiccups from crying so hard "no leave."

"I'm not. I'll stay, I promise."

His father knelt back down on the floor and attempted to lay the boy back in his bed, but his little hands stayed locked around him.

"I'll be here when you wake up, and all of the rest of the days when you wake up from now on, you can let go, I'll be right here."

Your son finally relinquished his hold on his father who pushed more hair from his son's face.

"And mommy?" Your son's eyes look at you now.

"Mommy has always been here, silly." His father then spoke something in a strange language, it might've been the one from your dream after your son was born.

Your son gave his father a nod not just as if he understood, but he did understand this very strange language. You had never heard your son speak it, and you had no idea that he even knew a whole other language, until he spoke it back to his father.

He sat there knelt beside his son's bed until he drifted off to sleep. You watched as he gave him a kiss on his forehead before standing and turning to face you.

You walked into the hall and closed your son's bedroom door when he looked at you with a look of concern.

"There's still more I have to tell you, it's the most important thing."

"You're going to have to trust me, okay?" He asked from his seat on the sofa beside you. "There are things I know and things I don't, you have the power to change destiny, and right now what I'm seeing is someone is going to try to take you away from us, from your family."

"Okay," you tried to patiently follow, ready for him to say anything.

"Namjoon is going to kill you."

"Why's he going to kill me?"

"I had this deal with his whore grandmother… she wasn't happy with it, it wasn't my fault. It's not my fault mortals are idiots."

"Hey." You firmly snapped at him.

"It's just what I do, I teach lessons. Anyway, I believe Namjoon is going to hurt you and maybe even our son. He can't physically harm me, I'm immortal, but he can hurt the things I care about. Unfortunately, I can't kill him either, I can't kill humans, God's rules. So I can't stop him, there's nothing I can do but pass this to you. It doesn't matter what you do, Namjoon will hunt you down."

"Okay." You simply just sat there looking calm on the outside but terrified on the inside.

"So, y/n… I think it's kill or be killed in this case. If you die, I'm not sure how much I can do to protect our son but take him with me…"

To hell was what he meant.

You let out a sigh as you stared at the floor and scraped together some kind of plan.

"Take my soul." You offered.

"Why?"

"In case something happens to me, take my soul." You were sure of your decision.

"I'm not taking your soul." He declined.

"Why?" It was your turn now to ask.

"Do you want to go to hell? Do you realize how many eternities you would be tortured down there before I ever found you?"

"No." You answered both questions and seemed less sure of your offer now.

"I'm not taking your soul. Our son could come and go with me because he has that power, but you, a pure mortal… you would be in more pain than you could ever imagine."

"But if I killed a man… wouldn't I go anyway?" You pointed out.

"Not if it was out of self defense for you and your family."

"What the fuck am I saying?! I can't kill father Namjoon!" You realized.

"Y/n, I know he's going to kill you, and I don't want to lose you, I'd do anything not to lose you. What about our son? What about our second child?"

Your mouth dropped open.

"Second child? It-we…?"

"It's not just you living in that mortal body anymore. I know, just like I did the moment I gave you our son. You have to live, you have to do this, you have to trust me." He reached for your hand and threaded his fingers through yours. "I love you and I need you here with us."

"How do I do it?" You gave in.

You were terrified as the phone rang.

You had just left your son with the babysitter and you sat in your car. You were alone but you felt him near you.

"Hey!" Namjoon's voice came through cheerfully and it made you feel sick.

"Hey, I'm not doing so great tonight. Everything is a bit heavy and I kind of want some fresh air. Would you go for a walk with me at the park? I know it's late but…"

"Of course. The one closest to where you live, right? I'll meet you there in a few."

You thanked him before hanging up.

"I'm sorry you have to do this." He appeared right beside you in the passenger's seat now, but you didn't look at him, instead you spaced out while looking out the window at the dark park. You were nervous, you were trying to ready yourself, you were trying to wrap your head around this situation.

"What happens after? What do I do right after?" You asked.

"I'll take care of everything. No one will know." The grim thought of what that entailed was shadowed by reassurance of only having one task to do. "You just wait in the car, I'll drive us home. I'll take care of you."

"What if he sees this opportunity to kill me like I do with him?" You asked with your hands shaking in your lap.

"I think he would wait for a moment when our son is with you, pick you off at the same time."

Your mouth was dry, but you still tried to swallow down the weight of his words.

"But what if I die? You said you don't know all things." You continued to think your worries out loud.

"I also said people can change destiny, they do it all the time."

"You haven't been able to." Your point made him go silent a moment. It was true, he had been fighting against his destiny with you since before you were born only to end up with you.

"Part of me didn't want to change it, even if I hated it at first. I've always wanted you. The first time I saw you I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you. The first time you saw me, I just wanted you to look at me that way forever, I didn't care about anything anymore and that was scary. You're my Lilith, my eternal soulmate, there was never any fighting you. There's nothing more powerful than what we have, not me, not god himself."

"What if you're tricking me?" You asked abruptly.

"You really think I would?" His voice sounded hurt and you could feel him looking at you as you said nothing "of course you do, of course you'd think that after what I've done and because of who I am." His voice was soft now like he had accepted that option "I wish I could take back what I did to you, everything I've done to you. I wish I never would've made that deal with your mother, I wish you would've had a family with a normal man, a normal life… what have I done?"

"Like you said" you sighed "it was supposed to happen anyway, it's not all on you. I've suffered for you, and now I'm going to kill for you. Would I be doing that- any of this if I really thought you were tricking me?" You admitted. "Maybe I'm just blinded by you, so in love with you and wanting a family with you that I can't see anything else, you're the devil, it's probably what you do, but what other option do I have anyway?"

"We could go home." He offered softly. "We could have our family and play pretend until it's ripped away." You could hear him swallow louder than his soft words."Then I'll have nothing, but at least I would've had everything for just a fraction of a moment in my eternal life."

"I'm not going to live forever anyway you know, our son might, but I'm human. I die, and when I do I'm destined to be tortured in hell for eternity."

"You're not going to hell."

"How do you know?" You asked partially out of curiosity "I'm in love with Satan, I bare his mark, I bared his child. How much more sinful can I be? You can't sit there and tell me Satan's soulmate is going to heaven."

"God has never let me have anything. If he decides it's your destiny and your time to go, if you're taken from me and I can't have you in life, he's not going to let me have you in death." He explained.

You sat there thinking about what he said and came to the very real conclusion that you were most likely going to die tonight. God wouldn't let him have you, he had already seen that Namjoon would kill you, you were going to die.

Your eyes began to fill with tears as everything finally began to sink in.

"Please take care of our son."

"Don't." He snapped at you "Don't you say that shit like I'm going to lose you."

You began to sob, you weren't listening to him.

"You're going to go out there and fuck him up and that's going to be the end of it." His voice was stern, but you were falling apart. You let your head fall onto the steering wheel.

"Why wont you just take my fucking soul?!" You cried in despair and frustration "you have every single fucking thing in my life but that, just take it god damn it! Take it and let me burn until you find me. I will obviously go through anything for you and our son at this point. Just fucking take it."

"You don't deserve it. I don't deserve you, okay? I've fucking destroyed your life, I'm not dragging this into the timeless afterlife, no matter how badly it hurts. We have one single shot, and this is it. I'm fucking horrible, I'm the worst of the absolute worst, but there’s no way I'm going to be that selfish to let you rot in hell because of me."

"Please?" Your voice was a desperate squeak as you finally turned to him. "Fuck." You uttered at what you saw.

There was a dark liquid running from his pitch black eyes and down his cheeks.

"Is-is that fucking blood? Are you crying blood?"

You watched as it pooled at his chin and dropped onto his white shirt.

"Please do everything you can tonight." He ignored your question and begged you.

If you had a doubt that he loved you before, you didn't now. You watched as he closed his eyes.

"God," he began, he didn't seem as though he was talking to you at all "just let me have this, please? I'll do anything. Just let me have my family."

The dark car was suddenly illuminated by headlights coming from behind. You turned to see a car pulling into the parking lot.

"I'll be with you." He spoke as Namjoon parked beside your car.

The passenger's seat was empty when you looked back.

This was it.

You felt for the pocket knife you had put in your pocket upon leaving the house and your adrenaline began to rush through your body.

You willed your weak legs to get out of the car.

You forced a half-hearted smile but did your best not to look him in the eyes.

It was quiet at first as you both started down the dark trail.

"Don't get offended, but you look terrible."

You hadn't slept since you had gotten your mission yesterday night, your mind felt fried and stressed and tired.

"It's been hard." You were honest about how you felt.

"Why is your lip bruised? Did you get hit?" He pried as you thought back to how hard you had bit it the other night.

"No, I did it, by accident." Although it was the truth, you wouldn't have believed it either with the way you had said it.

"Are-are you seeing anyone? It's been a few days since we talked and-"

"No." You lied quickly.

"If there's anything I can do to help you or your son… I know things are still rough for you…"

"We'll be okay."

He gave you a strange look.

"You're not still worried about… him?" You could hear the suspension in Namjoon's voice and you knew you had to say something to extinguish it for now.

"I am, I just don't know what's left to do, I feel so hopeless." You said as you saw the path begin to lead into a more wooded area ahead.

"Don't you feel him right now?" Namjoon asked.

"He's always just… around, I'm used to it. Maybe it's just me at this point."

"What's that on your neck?" He reached out to see.

You had to do it now, you felt like your mark had given you away.

You stepped back out of his grasp as you quickly took the knife from your pocket and flipped it open. You didn't know if he had time to see it or not before you lunged at him.

He had put his hands up to stop you but the force you had come at him sent him toppling backward.

You went to plunge the knife into his neck only to feel his hand around your wrist stopping you.

He yelled for help but there wasn't another soul at the park, you had been here awhile waiting, you would know.

You used your other hand to help overpower him, but he was still stronger even with all of this adrenaline and chemicals coursing through your body, even with the image of your family in your mind.

"Stop!" Namjoon yelled at you, but this was too far gone to stop now, your mind was already made up. You knew that if you stopped now then you would be the one who died.

Your arms were beginning to grow tired and your strength was weakening and because of that he was able to shift the point of the knife towards you.

In one last burst of strength you tried to switch the knife's direction back towards him but your muscles just gave out.

You didn't feel the pain of the plunge into your chest at first, but you felt the crack of your ribs at the sheer force. You were in shock, it didn't feel at all like you had just been stabbed. You let go of Namjoon and rolled over onto the cool grass as you tried to process everything.

You could hear Namjoon panicking, sitting over you, trying to help you, it was confusing.

Why was he trying to help you? He wanted you dead.

"Please? Where are you?" You choked out. It was hard to breathe, you felt like you were drowning as you looked up at the stars.

"Get away from her." It was the only voice you wanted to hear, it had brought you some kind of peace.

You saw Namjoon look at something with wide eyes before leaving your line of vision. His quick footsteps on the ground you lay on got further and further away.

You continued to choke and gasp.

Jungkook watched in the distance as the knife was turned on you and the blade disappeared in your chest.

It hadn't hurt until now. It was as if you were his voodoo doll. He had never felt pain before, but once he felt the sting, he knew exactly what it was, although his pain came from the inside. Until now he had been watching coldly, waiting for this to happen, knowing you would die.

You had to die, there was no other way you'd let him have his son, there was no way you'd let your son end this world. You were too compassionate, too human, too emotional. You were all the things Jungkook never thought he was. Perhaps you completed him in many ways he only was now able to realize.

He was able to fool you so well, tell you all the sweet things you needed to hear to lead you to your own demise. But why did it only now hurt him? Had it been so easy to lie to you because maybe somewhere deep down in his unbeating heart he knew that maybe you really were the one? He felt as though that as you laid there dying, that you were forcing your most human parts into him, you were cursing him.

He had never actually thought you were his Lilith, his soulmate, not until now as he watched you bleeding out and physically felt it. He felt the weight of every sweet thing and lie he had ever told you pressing on his chest. Your face, the sweet moments, holding you, the guilt of never telling you his name, everything flashed before him. He wondered for a moment if he was dying too.

"I have given you a gift, the gift to feel.Your heart is broken, child. Go to her, be with her in her last breaths before I bring her home."

It wasn't even a voice that Jungkook heard, but it wasn't in his head either. He knew who was speaking to him. He suddenly felt enraged. He wasn't going to let God take you away from him.

"Get away from her." Jungkook boomed making the silly mortal that was panicking over you run at the sight and power of his voice.

Jungkook knelt down beside you and watched as the blood flowed from the corners of your mouth and tears streamed from your eyes.

"He's not going to take you from me! God damn it! Please don't take her!" Jungkook knew you wouldn't go to hell, god himself had said so. You did nothing wrong, you had been fooled by him just like Eve had been, and Eve still went to heaven when she died. He would never see you again and it hit him harder than anything ever had before.

Jungkook lifted his hand, the one he hadn't unknowingly slipped through your fingers, and produced a flame which gave way to a scroll of paper.

He pulled you into his lap as you continued to choke. He put your hand to your wound and dipped your fingers into your blood.

"It's okay, it's going to be fine, please just sign it, you have to move, sign it." He let go of your hand but it was limp. There was no more choking, only a faint rattling coming from you now.

"Please please just sign the paper." He begged. "I'm so sorry, I was wrong, I did this and I'm so sorry. It hurts so badly, sign the paper, I need your soul, I need to find you."

Silence.

There was no hummingbird heartbeat, there was no heartbeat at all as he looked into your empty eyes that still looked back at him. Your body lay in his lap with the mark he had given you, but you were gone.

“But I love you...” it was the first time in his existence that he had said it and meant it. You had never known he didn't mean it, you had never known everything he did was a lie, maybe it was best that way. Despite not feeling any of it before, he felt it now, all at once. If he could do it all over again just to mean it, just to experience those feelings along with you he would. He would have held you longer, cried more, he wouldn't have ever let you do this, he wouldn't have fed you those dreams and lies and he would have protected you. Namjoon never wanted to hurt you.

All Jungkook wanted to do now was hold you, so he did until you grew cold. It wasn't fair he only got to feel this after you were gone as punishment. He wanted to go back, he wanted to start over, but it was too late. What kind of cruel god would gift him with his now?

His chest continued to sting, as his anger continued to fester. He hated everything, God, Namjoon, himself, this horrible fucking mortal world.

He was going to burn it all. He never wanted to make another deal with any human ever again.

Whilst he couldn't touch these stupid fucking humans, his son could, he was half human.

This wasn't supposed to happen for another few years. He didn't think his son was old enough just yet, but it would have to do, he was still naive enough to destroy humanity on his father's command. All he had to do was show his son what he was capable of, fill him with rage for his dead mother, and watch the world burn. All Jungkook knew was fire and destruction, now his son could learn as well, both of them with a bitterness in their hearts.

Jungkook let out a loud scream of anger and frustration and all of these new feelings that he didn't want that felt like they were internally ripping him apart.

The entire park was sent up in flames, including your body.

The end was coming early for this world, it was over. He was going to destroy every last one of God's precious creations for making him feel like this.

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emotionallyits2009 · 4 years ago

Text

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :)

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010.

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on.

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

#fic #deancas #destiel

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dramioneden · 4 years ago

Note

do you know of any fics where there’s a pregnancy scare or Draco accidental gets hermione pregnant?

Dramione Unplanned Pregnancy Fic Recs

Hi Nonnie, Sorry it has taken me soooo long to reply to this ask. To answer your question, yes I have a few (76) “accidental”/unplanned pregnancy Dramione fic recs to offer - because Draco and Hermione seem terrible at planning pregnancies. So I’ve broken this down into ones I’ve read & recommend and ones on my TBR you might want to give a try. I also categorized the fics into Teenage Pregnancies, Wartime Pregnancies, “Adult Draco and Hermione forget contraceptive” Pregnancies, Marriage Law Pregnancies and “Hidden” Pregnancies. So here is the ultimate guide to Dramione Accidental Pregnancy Fics, hopefully there is something on this list that will satisfy your ask. Happy Reading!

Teenage Unplanned Pregnancy:

Recommended Fics

Snow Storm by kblynne

8th year Post-war healing coping, Head Boy and Head Girl, teenage pregnancy.

Always Mine - A Dramione Fanfiction by SamadiW

8th year, Head Boy and Head Girl. The unplanned pregnancy is more of a secondary/later arc. Main arc on development of relationship between Hermione and Draco. Mixes the right amount of angst with the right amount of sexy.

Fics on my TBR that you might want to try:

From Venice with Love by jamieblye

In Private by acro acro

Locked In by goldhorse

His Sweet Dream by Supernerd22

I Didn’t Know by TriDogMom

Of All the Idiot Things by Lady Imara

Unbreakable by cleotheo

What Happened After The Canaries by Silver Lioness

Wartime Unplanned Pregnancy

Recommended Fics

Broken Chains by Leave It At That

Another Dramione, where Harry and Ron escape, but Hermione is left behind. As Draco and Hermione are forced together by a very perverted characterization of Voldemort, they realize they must rely on and trust each other to survive Voldemort’s demands. Forming a tentative trust and rare magical bond, together they set about playing the roles expected of them until they can find escape.

Resistance by GracefulLioness @graceful-lioness

Very well written, 7th year divergent. Instead of spending the war camping with Harry and Ron, Hermione spends it camping with Draco after they escape a battle together.

The Importance of Breeding by Jessiy @jessiyl

Interesting twist on “what both sides of the war decide to do about the dwindling wizarding population”. Voldemort comes up with a “perfect mate” spell - guess who Draco’s perfect mate is?

Manor of Conception by psiphifan

Harry and Ron, escape without Hermione. As punishment to the Malfoy’s for letting Potter get away, Draco is given Hermione to “breed”, thereby sullying his pure blood line. As dark as the set up is, Draco and Hermione adjust to their predicament quite adeptly. A “wartime subversion” read that hurts a bit … but climaxes a lot).

Fics on my TBR that you might want to try:

The Gift of Joy by biscuitsforpotter @biscuitsforpotter

I Spy by gnrkrystle

The Power of Love by cleotheo

The Edge of the World by phlox

Balaur by two_ff

Tergeo by LadyKenz347 @ladykenz347

Consequences of War by NJ Coffee Queen

The Letter by RN2017

Haeres Genitus: The Begotten Heir by little miss moonlight

“Adults who forgot a contraceptive” - Future fic Unplanned Pregnancies

Recommended Fics

Precious Things by herbeautifullie @herbeautifullies

Beautifully told in a series of vignettes that take place every Christmas over a number of years. The author conveyed and developed Draco’s introspection as he falls in love with a family he never expected or wanted. Well written, emotional character/relationship study.

Liking by Ladyoneill

An adult affair between Draco and Hermione leads to adult conversations (with some input from Narcissa).

Fics on my TBR you might want to try:

A Year and a Day by Mistrus

Best Laid Plans by persephone_stone @persephonestone

Careless by wish123

A Series of Very Bad Decisions by damnedscribblingwoman @fearsometinywit

Unexpected Gifts by cryptaknight

Unintended Consequences by rainsrabble @rainsrabble

Knocked Up by dolphinroxy

The Side Witch & The Gift and My Witch & Her Gift by SeptimaBode

Once Upon a Night by longdistance

Ordinary People by inadaze22 @inadaze22

Surround Me by Taintedembrace

The Sweetest Downfall by xXBeckyFoo

A Wonderful Caricature of Intimacy by Countess of Abe @countessofabe

Beautiful Mistake by pinayflava90

One Night Stand with Consequences Series by ruthy4vrsmoaked @ruthy4vrsmoak-ed

Constellations in Flourish and Blotts by MarshmellowMcGonagall @marshmallowmcgonagall

Gasping, Talking, Screaming, Crying by Gette

Heaven Forbid by empathaique

In the Heat of the Storm by xxDustNight88 @xxdustnight88

whispered through the trees by notawitch2580

Back to You by NJ Coffee Queen @mnem85

Circle by wanderlustfaery

Freedom’s Consequence, Rapture’s Reward by CelticSass

Marriage Law (but still unplanned) Pregnancy

I read and recommend all three fics in this sub-genre:

Desperate Marriage by x.Chrissy.x

Nice twist on the Marriage Law trope. After breaking up with their current fiancés when they find them cheating (Ron x Astoria), instead of letting the Ministry choose their spouses for them, they choose each other. Note: I don’t want to give spoilers away, but I think it should be noted that though it’s not tagged, be aware that a couple loses a pregnancy in this. As someone who has lost a pregnancy before, I was not put off by how it is handled, but found it emotional and relatable. There is an HEA and there is a happy healthy pregnancy and I did enjoy the fic completely even the emotional part.

Ninety-Five Percent by HufflePuffMommy @hufflepuffmommy

Draco and Hermione are 95% compatible - who would have thought? ;) I really enjoyed this marriage law fic - has courting quality to it, through all the tension and angst (and denial).

An Unconventional Escape by Ariel Riddle @ariel-riddle

Loved this twist on the “marriage law”. Voldemort has won and his wizarding world is facing population problems due to infertility of purebloods. He enacts a new law that purebloods can choose captive muggleborns as spouses. The only muggleborn for Draco is Hermione - and she’s suspicious, but clever enough to figure out his dastardly persona is more pretense for show.

Secret Child/Hidden pregnancy trope: Not only was the pregnancy an accident, it was kept a secret from Draco.

Recommended Fics

Amongst the Mango Trees by ViolaMoon @violamoonfanfic

Post-war, while in a happy affair with Draco, Hermione discovers his family has him engaged to Astoria, hours after she finds out she’s pregnant. She decides to leave and start over in Australia with her parents.

Breathe by RZZMG @rzzmg

In spite of a loving affair with Hermione, Draco feels obligated to see through his engagement with Astoria. But when he runs into a pregnant Hermione months after they break-up, he must dig deep to be his own man and not his father’s.

Seven for a Secret by Musyc @willhavetheirtrinkets

Anonymous sex during Beltane, has Draco putting pieces together when he encounters an 8 year old spitting image of himself.

Unspoken Words by LilithShade @lilithshadefanfic

Post-war, Future fic. Hermione and Draco have a one night stand. Nine months later, Hermione shows up at St. Mungo’s in labor. Draco is the doctor on duty.

Always You by Emerald2402

When there is trouble in paradise between Ron and Hermione, Draco just happens to be in the right place at the right time with a shoulder for her to cry on. A couple years later, the child she brings to St. Mungo’s with a fever, bears a striking resemblance to him.

The Trouble with Love Series by bentnotbroken1 @bentnotbroken1fanfiction

8th year Hogwarts setting. Accidental pregnancy is secondary arc, post-war coping/healing and Dramione affair primary arc. Note that the first in the series: The Pitfall is complete, but the second in the series is still a WIP (as of time of post 11/2020).

Fics on my TBR you might want to try:

Consequences of War by bentnotbroken1 @bentnotbroken1fanfiction

Aparecium by LadyKenz347

An Awfully Big Adventure by NJ Coffee Queen @mnem85

The Best of Me by MrsRen @mrsren

Choosing Destiny by AkashatheKitty @akashathekitty

Let There Be No More Curse by lexiatel @lexiatel

Nowhere Left to Run by FallenInDreams @fallen-in-dreams

Rose by longdistance

Second by LadyAlinor @ladyalinor

Seventeen by smithandbarrowman @smithandbarrowman

The Silver Dragon by KittenShift17 @kittenshift-17

Webs We Weave by mayghaen17 @mayghaen17

What’s in a Name by ImSlytherinatHeart

Full Body Control by lun27

Growing by the Minute by lozlol

Heartbreak and Horntails by AtHomewithWords

The Taste of Honey by Buzzy

#dramione #dramione fic recs #dramione fanfic #dramione fanfiction #dramione fanfic rec #dramione fanfics #pregnancy #accidental pregnancy #unplanned pregnancy #dramione fic #dramione fics #dramione fandom #ask #request

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nengojo · 4 years ago

Note

Could we please get some relationship headcanons for Ann, Makoto, Futaba and Haru?

i kinda went overboard and wrote more than I expected... but i am a sap for relationship hcs!! also saw that 4/23 is makoto’s bday, which is very cool and convenient for me hehe ,, hope you like this <33

word count: 1.549 warnings: SLIGHT STORY SPOILER IN HARU'S PART tags/genre: fluff, just all of it

requests are open!

Takamaki Ann

She loves to pamper you. Be it buying you stuff, treating you her favorite desserts, or staying over at your place and dressing you up with cute outfits. You try to do the same for her and she enjoys it as well.

A LOT of PDA, though it’s not over the top. She’d pepper kisses all over your face whenever she’s excited. Or always bury her face in your neck whenever she needs to be closer to you.

Even though Ann hasn’t dated anyone before you, she definitely learned and read up on how to be the best girlfriend. Probably read those relationships magazines (she denies it though)

Ann prefers simpler dates at the park or karaoke, but she wouldn’t mind making reservations for fancier restaurants if there’s an occasion. Would definitely choose buffets over the 5-star restaurant though.

Speaking of occasions, she’s the type to have celebrations for every little thing you guys do together as a couple. It can range from monthsaries, your first beach date, or your first night together. Ann keeps trinkets with her from every date you two go on.

Ann always has you on her mind. If she sees a new cheesecake shop, she buys it thinking that you would enjoy sharing it with her. When she saw cute phone charms, she bought a pair so you and her would have a “couple-y” item.

Would be into double dates, she doesn’t say it, but it definitely comes from her competitive side of showing off. Ann wants everyone to know she’s dating the best person ever. 💕

Introduces you to her parents through Skype. Ann says she couldn’t wait till her parents come back from their trips, so you could properly meet them. She quells your nervousness by saying that they already approved of you.

Petnames are minimal, but it’s very sweet when she does use them with you. You think it’s because she enjoys the flustered expression on your face when she calls you “baby” or “sweetie”.

Ann’s just a proud girlfriend! Be ready to be treated like the royalty you are, as you made her feel her worth once more.

Niijima Makoto

Similar to Ann, she values your relationship and you greatly. Makoto would be careful as possible around you. Always tending to your needs, mindful of what she says and does around you. There’s constant communication between you and her.

Probably would overheat out of embarrassment if she tries to cling onto you when in public, so hand-holding and touching knees while sitting together is enough for her.

Makoto DEFINITELY researched every possible tip and ‘guide’ on how to be the perfect girlfriend. You insist that she doesn’t need to incorporate all those into your relationship, saying that she’s perfect as the way she is.

With all that studying though, she actually sets up the best dates for you two. She always invites you to a newly-opened restaurant or gets the best seats whenever there’s a film showing nearby.

That said, she still prefers dates in secluded areas, places similar to Leblanc. She has this favorite nature trail that she found out about in dating forums and would take you there on nightly walks, talking about everything and nothing.

Makoto doesn’t announce your relationship to others, thinking that it’s better if people found out naturally. She likes the look on people’s faces when she admits to having a significant other while she acts all innocent and pure about it.

Her sister would openly confront her about your relationship, but Sae is lowkey super supportive of you and her. She says it’s good that someone is at Makoto’s side when she isn’t there.

She acts composed around others, but you’re the only one she lets see her vulnerable side. You tell her it’s adorable that you can easily tease her. (please don’t tease her too much or she’ll implode from being too flustered)

Makoto would think she’s too mature for petnames, but you don’t hold it against her, especially when she says your name with so much love in her voice every time.

Makoto is an observant girlfriend! She says it’s because she wants you to know that she genuinely cares and that she’s grateful to be yours.

Sakura Futaba

Futaba’s relationship with you feels natural from the start, despite her insistence that she would suck being a girlfriend. You reassure her at the start that she would do great with little to no effort, and she does :)

Wouldn’t even think twice about PDA, She feels safe and secure when she’s closer to you, so the more contact, the better. If she could, Futaba would shamelessly cling onto your back like a koala. (and you’d let her)

She says that experience is the best teacher, so she went into your relationship completely blind. The whole thing had its setbacks; she tried to kiss you out of nowhere one time, since “that’s what couples do, right?” You told her that there was no rush, and she was grateful for that.

She’s a fast learner though, and it manifests in her innocent but sincere gestures. When she thinks that you’re sad, she tells you jokes or shows you a meme she liked on her phone. Futaba thinks that whatever makes her happy, might cheer you up too.

Absolutely loves talking about her interests to you, because she knows that you would never judge her or question what she likes. You enjoy being on the listening side, since the way Futaba lights up is enough for you.

Alternatively, she’s a very active listener whenever you would talk about your day or share something about your interests. Futaba encourages you to tell her more about it, and on her own time, she learns about your said interests so she can participate in the conversations better.

In terms of interests, she convinced you to play video games with her (if you don’t already play) and it’s already a date for the two of you. Dates always involve either trips to Akihabara, arcade hopping, or the park when she wants quiet times with you.

Sojiro enjoys seeing you two interact whenever you guys stop by at Leblanc. When Futaba was in the restroom, he whispered to you saying that he hasn’t seen Futaba this energetic ever since she was a kid. That meant a lot to you.

She started calling you exaggerated names like “my lovely sweetheart babycakes” or “little fluffball whiskers”. Other than that, her favorite petname for you was “bub”, since she said the funny word fit you well. You love hearing it from her too.

Futaba is a heartfelt girlfriend! Your bond with each other has always been close, and now you get the chance to be closer.

Okumura Haru

Haru would be reserved from openly showing affection at the start, but you give her all the time and space she needs. She appreciates it greatly and reciprocates the effort in kind.

PDA is a no-no, although she does unknowingly flirt with you in the sweetest way. She has a way with words that makes the simplest compliment seem like the highest praise, and it’s enough to make you feel loved.

With her training for marriage, she obviously knows the basic aspects of a relationship. Taking care of you comes naturally to her, yet you were there to show her that she can receive the same amount of love that she readily gives to you.

You teased her about how she acts more like a mother to you, and she misunderstood and profusely apologized (poor sweetheart). Haru explains that she loves seeing you thrive and be happy, which in turn makes her happy.

It started as an innocent suggestion, but Haru wanted to write love letters to you from time to time. In most instances she would pass it onto you after a date, saying that you should read it when you get home. Other times she would quietly slip it in your bag as a surprise for you to find.

You’ve come to appreciate the craft that Haru puts into the letters. She always chooses the delicate papers, sometimes scented. And other letters had pressed flowers in the envelope. The most precious thing in the letter though was her confessions and affirmations.

Haru lets you choose your date locations since she wants to be more accustomed to city life. You once brought her to a conveyor belt sushi place, and you couldn’t handle the joy in your eyes when you saw her be fascinated about it. “It just moves in little trains! It’s so innovative and cute,” she says.

When you were closer with her, she opened up more about her father to you, even inviting you to visit the shrine dedicated to him in the mansion. That was the first time you saw her cry, and you promised yourself to do your best so you never have to see her like that again.

Romantic petnames suit her well, but she only uses them when you two are alone. Hearing Haru call you “my lily” or “my light” always caught you off-guard no matter how many times you have heard it.

Haru is a compassionate girlfriend! She treats you as delicately as she acts and you know that you’re in good hands with her, as she is with your own.

#persona 5 x reader #persona 5 imagines #ann takamaki #ann takamaki x reader #makoto niijima #makoto niijima x reader #futaba sakura #futaba sakura x reader #haru okumura #haru okumura x reader #persona 5 x you #phantom thieves x reader #nenshcs #request #HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAKOTO!! ur the best girl in my heart

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dontjudgemeimawriter · 3 years ago

Text

Second Chance -Intro

as of now, this is what I’m planning on working on for 2021 NaNoWriMo

Tag: #second chance

Genre: Urban fantasy new adult

More: Gods, alternate mythology, alternate modern day (?), college, gods, steampunk aesthetics (not sure if it qualifies as punk), time travel, prophecy, time loops, wlw

Told in first person past tense.

Plot Summary/Synopsis

Chrys has lived every day twice for as long as she can remember. With every day repeating, the first one disappearing with no consequences, she developed a double life-- one of apathy and risk, and another of perfect grades, good relationships, and impeccable foreknowledge. When she meets Russell, someone who seems to live the same repeating life she does, suddenly her two lives become a lot less separate. Things become worse when time stops one day and Chrys discovers why days repeat-- a world of gods and servants who work for them. Her search for answers is hindered by the focus of the recently stolen Spirit of Time, something that may have far more to do with her and Russell than expected.

More under the cut!

World

(Main thing that I'm updating in rewrite so will add more as I work on it!)

Relevant Gods:

Saecys: God of Time. Saecys is elusive, not often communicating with servants and definitely not with people. He is sustained so easily that his power and significance never goes into question-- as long as people are keeping track of the time, Saecys will exist. However, Saecys is unique in that their power is severed from their consciousness-- instead, this is kept and maintained by the "Spirit" of time, and the Time Servants serve as the main influences and main enforcers. This allows Saecys to extend their influence more than they could on their own.

Auratiae: (will be further developed) God of Divination and Prophecy. Never was anywhere near as major a god, and has had some resentment for it, more their followers than them themselves. Is sustained in modern day by zodiac and horoscopes, and as always by tarot and other forms of divination (one of the things I want to dove more into is if I can keep this but not be resentful of modern witchcraft, or if I should rework a new god into their role. Will edit this post as I figure that out)

Ardisci: God of Knowledge. For now not important to the plot although they become more important later. Missing, but the vessel through which Knowledge and pursuit of knowledge goes. (Her being missing may have something to do with the prevalence of misinformation).

Moriscer: God of Memory. Hints of Moriscer come into play when exploring memory projections.

Characters

Chrys: (previously Carson) MC. Chrys is, on null days, apathetic. She seeks thrills, engages in reckless behavior, and allows herself to be selfish. She has made herself a few rules for null days that keep her from crossing certain boundaries. On real days though, you'd never recognize this-- good attendance, grades, an intuitive sense about the problems she and her friends may face. It's harder than she thinks to fully have two separate lives, and the apathy of one may seek into the other just like the compassion of one may show up in ways she didn't expect. This very constant and normal part of her life is something she may not think she likes, but it has both ruined and enriched her life in ways she doesn't realize until it becomes important.

Ava: Ava is Chrys's connection to her "real" life, that is, the life that lasts. Ava's the reason Chrys stayed in their hometown after graduating high school. Ava is very sweet, shy, and a bit repressed... and far more perceptive than Chrys realizes. She keeps a lot close to her chest due to life with an emotionally abusive parent, and vocalizes very little of her inner feelings. She feels close to Chrys too... definitely no feelings there that are anything more than platonic, nope no way what're you talking about (some internalized homophobia at work there). Although she doesn't feel free to pursue it, Ava is greatly interested in mythology, history, and philosophy, and ideally would want to be a historical nonfiction writer.

Joce: Chrys’s friendship with Joce was mainly to have a friend to go on null day adventures with, but in sustaining their friendship, they’ve become closer than Chrys intended by just having someone already as risk-seeking as she was. Joce is brave, bold, and impulsive. She’s not used to having freinds that stick around, and has no idea why the studious and well-adjusted (ha) Chrys has befriended her.

Russell: A lot about Russell is Spoilers! In a way to describe him in as least a spoiler-y way possible, Russell is friendly and eager to be liked, a bit sheltered/with a skewed perspective of the world. As far as Chrys knows, he’s like her-- living days twice without knowing why, but somehow ever developed the same double life and sense of apathy.

Nellie: A Time Servant who works as a field agent. Lost her arm a few years back and uses a prosthetic. Very driven and determined. Trying to catch the thief who stole the spirit of time because she blames herself, despite having very little to do with it.

Varity: high-ranking Time Servant, one of few that gets direct contact with Saecys.

Alina: Assistant to Varity, liason between agents and teams. Tries to help everybody as best she can. Used to be a medic.

Silas: Very into mechanics and tinkering. Guard of the Spirit of Time and knows the spirit better than anyone (except Saecys). Likes to figure out how things work and experiment. Considers the Spirit his best friend, but doesn't admit that because it wounds crazy.

Nora: A lot about her is also spoiler-y, but I will say that she’s very possessive and controlling

Other

Character Portraits:

Picrew

Current taglist:

(Ask to be added!)

@puzzleddragon02

Note: I’ve decided that at least for preptober purposes, I’m not going to keep answers to prompts spoiler-free-- so there will likely be major spoilers under cuts. I don’t care too much about sharing them, especially since I feel like I’ve shared the big plot twist already (Because it sets up the plot of book 2), and idk if anyone is going to follow this enough that they would care about avoiding spoilers, but if you do want to avoid them, don’t go under the cuts!)

#second chance #introduction #navigation #wip intro #nanowrimo 2021

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crushpdf · 3 years ago

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mid-year book freakout

I was tagged by @hklnvgl :) Thank you for tagging me--I actually was already thinking about it being the midyear and my progress on my reading goals 😄 so this was perfect!

Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021? What can I say, Mister Impossible hit a lot of the right buttons for me

Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021? For the sake of diversity, I will say Siege and Storm was a much better read than Shadow and Bone, and although I’m not quite finished, Ruin and Rising is better than Siege and Storm. That doesn’t always happen, but I appreciate an author who gets better with each book she writes.

New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? I have quite a few of these, to the point where I’m not sure how to pick just one. Postcolonial Love Poem just won a Pulitzer, so that’s up there. Piranesi is on the list, as is The Vanishing Half and The Only Good Indians

Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021? I haven’t read the first one (2021 tbr!) but I’m partaking in everyone’s excitement for Aristotle and Dante Dive Into the Waters of the World.

Biggest Disappointment? The Book of X. Unequivocally the biggest letdown this year. Part I was amazing and parts II and III were. Senselessly depressing. I’m not sure what the takeaway from that book was supposed to be.

Biggest Surprise? Oh this is a funny one. I never read Hamlet for school, and I’ve never seen the play performed. So I was very surprised to learn (spoiler!) that Hamlet is very much a Bad Guy.

Favourite New Author? I’m not in love with her work yet, but I guess that would be Leigh Bardugo.

Newest Fictional Crush? I guess my crush on Declan Lynch happened this year, right? OOH WAIT Mal Oretsev in Ruin and Rising is my dream boy.

Newest Favourite Character? In terms of who I’m gonna blog about, I was delighted by Hennessy’s development in MI (Declan I already liked even if he wasn’t a crush 😊). But I loved following Geryon’s story in Autobiography of Red.

Book That Made You Cry? Bitch every book makes me cry!!!!! I cry not only when I’m sad, but also when I’m happy, and more importantly when I’m surprised. So any well-written book will probably make me cry.

Book That Made You Happy? I had a lot of fun reading Shadow and Bone. It was outside my typical genre but I loved indulging in all of the tropes.

Favourite Book Adaptation You Saw This Year? I really loved the Shadow and Bone adaptation. But for the sake of diversity, the film adaptation of the play The Boys In the Band was, dare I say, flawless. That director took all the best parts of a play and all the best parts of a movie and put them together, and every single director who adapts a play or musical needs to follow his lead.

Favourite Review You’ve Written This Year? I review all my books on Goodreads and I really love writing them 😊

Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year? I can’t remember exactly since I don’t have my bookshelf in front of me, but I think the only book I’ve purchased this year that I haven’t already mentioned is David Levithan’s The Lover’s Dictionary, which isn’t beautiful per se, but certainly appealing to look at.

What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? I’d like to try out AFTG this year, ideally this summer. My 2021 TBR has a lot of tumblr-popular books: Cemetery Boys, If We Were Villains, Vicious. Most importantly, I gotta finish the last hundred pages of The Goldfinch 🙃

let’s see. i’m gonna throw in some guesses as to who might want to do this... @callumnova @halflingkima @violetreddie (don’t kill me about the goldfinch thing 😂)

truly i have such a loose grasp on the reading habits of my buddies, even though i know i’ve talked about it with so many of yall. so please do this and tag me if you want to!!!!!

#tag game #long post

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rawliverandcigarettes · 4 years ago

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Mass Effect Retribution, a review

Mass Effect Retribution is the third book in the official Mass Effect trilogy by author Drew Karpyshyn, who happens to also be Lead Writer for Mass Effect 1 and Mass Effect 2.

I didn’t expect to pick it up, because to be very honest I didn’t expect to like it. 9 years ago I borrowed Mass Effect Revelations, and I still recall the experience as underwhelming. But this fateful fall of 2020 I had money (yay) and I saw the novel on the shelf of a swedish nerd store. I guess guilt motivated me to give the author another try: guilt, because I’ve been writing a Mass Effect fanfiction for an ungodly amount of years and I’ve been deathly afraid of lore that might contradict my decisions ever since I started -but I knew this book covered elements that are core to plot elements of my story, and I was willing to let my anxiety to the door and see what was up.

Disclaimer: I didn’t reread Mass Effect Revelation before plunging into this read, and entirely skipped Ascension. So anything in relation to character introduction and continuity will have to be skipped.

Back-cover pitch (the official, unbiased, long one)

Humanity has reached the stars, joining the vast galactic community of alien species. But beyond the fringes of explored space lurk the Reapers, a race of sentient starships bent on “harvesting” the galaxy’s organic species for their own dark purpose. The Illusive Man, leader of the pro-human black ops group Cerberus, is one of the few who know the truth about the Reapers. To ensure humanity’s survival, he launches a desperate plan to uncover the enemy’s strengths—and weaknesses—by studying someone implanted with modified Reaper technology. He knows the perfect subject for his horrific experiments: former Cerberus operative Paul Grayson, who wrested his daughter from the cabal’s control with the help of Ascension project director Kahlee Sanders. But when Kahlee learns that Grayson is missing, she turns to the only person she can trust: Alliance war hero Captain David Anderson. Together they set out to find the secret Cerberus facility where Grayson is being held. But they aren’t the only ones after him. And time is running out. As the experiments continue, the sinister Reaper technology twists Grayson’s mind. The insidious whispers grow ever stronger in his head, threatening to take over his very identity and unleash the Reapers on an unsuspecting galaxy. This novel is based on a Mature-rated video game.

Global opinion (TL;DR)

I came in hoping to be positively surprised and learn a thing or two about Reapers, about Cerberus and about Aria T’loak. I wasn’t, and I didn’t learn much. What I did learn was how cool ideas can get wasted by the very nature of game novelization, as the defects are not singular to this novel but quite widespread in this genre, and how annoyed I can get at an overuse of dialogue tags. The pacing is good and the narrative structure alright: everything else poked me in the wrong spots and rubbed how the series have always handled violence on my face with cruder examples. If I was on Good Reads, I’d probably give it something like 2 stars, for the pacing, some of the ideas, and my general sympathy for the IP novel struggle.

The indepth review continue past this point, just know there will be spoilers for the series, the Omega DLC which is often relevant, and the book itself!

What I enjoyed

Drew Karpyshyn is competent in narrative structure, and that does a lot for the pacing. Things rarely drag, and we get from one event to the next seamlessly. I’m not surprised this is one of the book’s qualities, as it comes from the craft of a game writer: pacing and efficiency are mandatory skills in this field. I would have preferred a clearer breaking point perhaps, but otherwise it’s a nice little ride that doesn’t ask a lot of effort from you (I was never tempted to DNF the book because it was so easy to read).

This book is packed with intringuing ideas -from venturing in the mind of the Illusive Man to assist, from the point of view of the victim, to Grayson’s biological transformation and assimilation into the Reaper hivemind, we get plenty to be excited for. I was personally intrigued about Liselle, Aria T’loak’s secret daughter, and eager to get a glimpse at the mind of the Queen Herself -also about how her collaboration with Cerberus came to be. Too bad none of these ideas go anywhere nor are being dealt with in an interesting way!!! But the concepts themselves were very good, so props for setting up interesting premices.

Pain is generally well described. It gets the job done.

I liked Sanak, the batarian that works as a second to Aria. He’s not very well characterized and everyone thinks he’s dumb (rise up for our national himbo), even though he reads almost smarter than her on multiple occasions, but I was happy whenever he was on the page, so yay for Sanak. But it might just be me having a bias for batarians.

Cool to have Kai Leng as a point of view character. I wasn’t enthralled by what was done with it, as he remains incredibly basic and as basically hateable and ungrounded than in Mass Effect 3 (I think he’s very underwhelming as a villain and he should have been built up in Mass Effect 2 to be effective). But there were some neat moments, such as the description of the Afterlife by Grayson who considers it as tugging at his base instincts, compared to Leng’s description of it where everything is deemed disgusting. The execution is not the best, but the concept was fun.

Pre-Reaperification Paul Grayson wasn’t the worst point of view to follow. I wasn’t super involved in his journey and didn’t care when he died one way or the other, but I empathized with his problems and hoped he would find a way out of the cycle of violence. The setup of his character arc was interesting, it’s just sad that any resolution -even negative- was dropped to focus on Reapers and his relationship with Kahlee Sanders, as I think the latter was the least interesting part.

The cover is cool and intringuing. Very soapy. It’s my favorite out of all the official novels, as it owns the cheesier aspect of the series, has nice contrasts and immediately asks questions. Very 90s/2000s. It’s great.

You may notice every thing I enjoyed was coated in complaints, because it’s a reflection of my frustration at this book for setting up interesting ideas and then completely missing the mark in their execution. So without further due, let’s talk about what I think the book didn’t do right.

1. Dumb complaints that don’t matter much

After reading the entire book, I am still a bit confused at to why Tim (the Illusive Man’s acronym is TIM in fandom, but I find immense joy in reffering to him as just Tim) wants his experimentation to be carried out on Grayson specifically, especially when getting to him is harder than pretty much anyone else (also wouldn’t pushing the very first experiments on alien captives make more sense given it’s Cerberus we’re talking about?). It seem to be done out of petty revenge, which is fine, but it still feels like quite the overlook to mess with a competent fighter, enhance him, and then expect things to stay under control (which Tim kind of doesn’t expect to, and that’s even weirder -why waste your components on something you plan to terminate almost immediately). At the same time, the pettiness is the only characterization we get out of Tim so good I guess? But if so, I wished it would have been accentuated to seem even more deliberate (and not have Tim regret to see it in himself, which flattens him and doesn’t inform the way he views the world and himself -but we’ll get to that).

I really disliked the way space travel is characterized. And that might be entirely just me, and perhaps it doesn’t contradict the rest of the lore, but space travel is so fast. People pop up left and right in a matter of hours. At some point we even get a mention of someone being able to jump 3 different Mass Relays and then arrive somewhere in 4 hours. I thought you first had to discharge your ship around a stellar object before being able to engage in the next jump (and that imply finding said object, which would have to take more than an hour). It’s not that big of a deal, but it completely crammed this giant world to a single boulevard for me and my hard-science-loving tastes. Not a big deal, but not a fan at all of this choice.

You wouldn’t believe how often people find themselves in a fight naked or in their underwear. It happens at least 3 times (and everyone naked survives -except one, we’ll get to her later).

Why did I need to know about this fifteen year’s old boner for his older teacher. Surely there were other ways to have his crush come across without this detail, or then have it be an actual point of tension in their relationship and not just a “teehee” moment. Weird choice imo.

I’m not a fan of the Talons. I don’t find them interesting or compelling. There is nothing about them that informs us on the world they live in. The fact they’re turian-ruled don’t tell us anything about turian culture that, say, the Blue Suns don’t tell us already. It’s a generic gang that is powerful because it is. I think they’re very boring, in this book and in the Omega DLC alike (a liiittle less in the DLC because of Nyreen, barely). Not a real criticism, I just don’t care for them at all.

I might just be very ace, but I didn’t find Anderson and Kahlee Sanders to have much chemistry. Same for Kahlee and Grayson (yes we do have some sort of love-triangle-but-not-really, but it’s not very important and it didn’t bother me much). Their relationships were all underwhelming to me, and I’ll explain why in part 4.

The red sand highs are barely described, and very safely -probably not from a place of intimate knowledge with drugs nor from intense research. Addiction is a delicate topic, and I feel like it could have been dealt with better, or not be included at all.

There are more of these, but I don’t want to turn this into a list of minor complaints for things that are more a matter of taste than craft quality or thematic relevance. So let’s move on.

2. Who cares about aliens in a Mass Effect novel

Now we’re getting into actual problems, and this one is kind of endemic to the Mass Effect novels (I thought the same when I read Revelation 9 years ago, though maybe less so as Saren in a PoV character -but I might have forgotten so there’s that). The aliens are described and characterized in the most uncurious, uninspired manner. Krogans are intimidating brutes. Turians are rigid. Asaris are sexy. Elcors are boring. Batarians are thugs (there is something to be said with how Aria’s second in command is literally the same batarian respawned with a different name in Mass Effect 2, this book, then the Omega DLC). Salarians are weak nerds. (if you allow me this little parenthesis because of course I have to complain about salarian characterization: the only salarian that speaks in the book talks in a cheap ripoff of Mordin’s speech pattern, which sucks because it’s specific to Mordin and not salarians as a whole, and is there to be afraid of a threat as a joke. This is SUCH a trope in the original trilogy -especially past Mass Effect 1 when they kind of give up on salarians except for a few chosen ones-, that salarians’ fear is not to be taken seriously and the only salarians who are to be considered don’t express fear at all -see Mordin and Kirrahe. It happens at least once per game, often more. This is one of the reasons why the genophage subplot is allowed to be so morally simple in ME3 and remove salarians from the equation. I get why they did that, but it’s still somewhat of a copeout. On this front, I have to give props to Andromeda for actually engaging with violence on salarians in a serious manner. It’s a refreshing change) I didn’t learn a single thing about any of these species, how they work, what they care about in the course of these 79750 words. I also didn’t learn much about their relationships to other species, including humans. I’ll mention xenophobia in more details later, but this entire aspect of the story takes a huge hit because of this lack of investment of who these species are.

I’ve always find Mass Effect, despite its sprawling universe full of vivid ideas and unique perspectives, to be strangely enamoured with humans, and it has never been so apparent than here. Only humans get to have layers, deserving of empathy and actual engagement. Only their pain is real and important. Only their death deserve mourning (we’ll come back to that). I’d speculate this comes from the same place that was terrified to have Liara as a love interest in ME1 in case she alienated the audience, and then later was surprised when half the fanbase was more interested in banging the dinosaur-bird than their fellow humans: Mass Effect often seem afraid of losing us and breaking our capacity for self-projection. It’s a very weird concern, in my opinion, that reveals the most immature, uncertain and soapy parts of the franchise. Here it’s punched to eleven, and I find it disappointing. It also have a surprising effect on the narrative: again, we’ll come back to that.

3. The squandered potential of Liselle and Aria

Okay. This one hurts. Let’s talk about Liselle: she’s introduced in the story as a teammate to Grayson, who at the time works as a merc for Aria T’loak on Omega, and also sleeps with him on the regular. She likes hitting the Afterlife’s dancefloor: she’s very admired there, as she’s described as extremely attractive. One night after receiving a call from Grayson, she rejoins him in his apartment. They have sex, then Kai Leng and other Cerberus agents barge in to capture Grayson -a fight break out (the first in a long tradition of naked/underwear fights), and both of them are stunned with tranquilizers. Grayson is to be taken to the Illusive Man. Kai Leng decides to slit Liselle’s throat as she lays unconscious to cover their tracks. When Aria T’loak and her team find her naked on a bed, throat gaping and covered in blood, Liselle is revealed, through her internal monologue, to be Aria’s secret daughter -that she kept secret for both of their safety. So Liselle is a sexpot who dies immediately in a very brutal and disempowered manner. This is a sad way to handle Aria T’loak’s daughter I think, but I assume it was done to give a strong motivation to the mother, who thinks Grayson did it. And also, it’s a cool setup to explore her psyche: how does she feel about business catching up with her in such a personal manner, how does she feel about the fact she couldn’t protect her own offspring despite all her power, what’s her relationship with loss and death, how does she slip when under high emotional stress, how does she deal with such a vulnerable position of having to cope without being able to show any sign of weakness... But the book does nothing with that. The most interesting we get is her complete absence of outward reaction when she sees her daughter as the centerpiece of a crime scene. Otherwise we have mentions that she’s not used to lose relatives, vague discomfort when someone mentions Liselle might have been raped, and vague discomfort at her body in display for everyone to gawk at. It’s not exactly revelatory behavior, and the missed potential is borderline criminal. It also doesn’t even justify itself as a strong motivation, as Aria vaguely tries to find Grayson again and then gives up until we give her intel on a silver platter. Then it almost feels as if she forgot her motivation for killing Grayson, and is as motivated by money than she is by her daughter’s murder (and that could be interesting too, but it’s not done in a deliberate way and therefore it seems more like a lack of characterization than anything else).

Now, to Aria. Because this book made me realize something I strongly dislike: the framing might constantly posture her as intelligent, but Aria T’loak is... kind of dumb, actually? In this book alone she’s misled, misinformed or tricked three different times. We’re constantly ensured she’s an amazing people reader but never once do we see this ability work in her favor -everyone fools her all the time. She doesn’t learn from her mistakes and jump from Cerberus trap to Cerberus trap, and her loosing Omega to them later is laughably stupid after the bullshit Tim put her through in this book alone. I’m not joking when I say the book has to pull out an entire paragraph on how it’s easier to lie to smart people to justify her complete dumbassery during her first negotiation with Tim. She doesn’t seem to know anything about how people work that could justify her power. She’s not politically savvy. She’s not good at manipulation. She’s just already established and very, very good at kicking ass. And I wouldn’t mind if Aria was just a brutish thug who maintains her power through violence and nothing else, that could also be interesting to have an asari act that way. But the narrative will not bow to the reality they have created for her, and keep pretending her flaw is in extreme pride only. This makes me think of the treatment of Sansa Stark in the latest seasons of Game of Thrones -the story and everyone in it is persuaded she’s a political mastermind, and in the exact same way I would adore for it to be true, but it’s just... not. It’s even worse for Aria, because Sansa does have victories by virtue of everyone being magically dumber than her whenever convenient. Aria just fails, again and again, and nobody seem to ever acknowledge it. Sadly her writing here completely justifies her writing in the Omega DLC and the comics, which I completely loathe; but turns out Aria isn’t smart or savvy, not even in posture or as a façade. She’s just violent, entitled, easily fooled, and throws public tantrums when things don’t go her way. And again, I guess that would be fine if only the narrative would recognize what she is. Me, I will gently ignore most of this (in her presentation at least, because I think it’s interesting to have something pitiful when you dig a little) and try to write her with a bit more elevation. But this was a very disappointing realization to have.

4. The squandered potential of Grayson and the Reapers

The waste of a subplot with Aria and Liselle might have hurt me more in a personal way, but what went down between Grayson and the Reapers hurts the entire series in a startling manner. And it’s so infuriating because the potential was there. Every setpiece was available to create something truly unique and disturbing by simply following the series’ own established lore. But this is not what happens. See, when The Illusive Man, our dearest Tim, captures Grayson for a betrayal that happened last book (something about his biotic autistic daughter -what’s the deal with autistic biotics being traumatized by Cerberus btw), he decides to use him as the key part of an experiment to understand how Reapers operate. So he forcefully implants the guy with Reaper technology (what they do exactly is unclear) to study his change into a husk and be prepared when Reapers come for humanity -it’s also compared to what happened with Saren when he “agreed” to be augmented by Sovereign. From there on, Grayson slowly turns into a husk. Doesn’t it sound fascinating, to be stuck in the mind of someone losing themselves to unknowable monsters? If you agree with me then I’m sorry because the execution is certainly... not that. The way the author chooses to describe the event is to use the trope of mind control used in media like Get Out: Grayson taking the backseat of his own mind and body. And I haaaaate it. I hate it so much. I don’t hate the trope itself (it can be interesting in other media, like Get Out!), but I loathe that it’s used here in a way that totally contradicts both the lore and basic biology. Grayson doesn’t find himself manipulated. He doesn’t find himself justifying increasingly jarring actions the way Saren has. He just... loses control of himself, disagreeing with what’s being done with him but not able to change much about it. He also can fight back and regain control sometimes -but his thoughts are almost untainted by Reaper influence. The technology is supposed to literally replace and reorganize the cells of his body; is this implying that body and mind are separated, that there maybe exists a soul that transcends indoctrination? I don’t know but I hate it. This also implies that every victim of the Reaper is secretely aware of what they’re doing and pained and disagreeing with their own actions. And I’m sorry but if it’s true, I think this sucks ass and removes one of the creepiest ideas of the Mass Effect universe -that identity can and will be lost, and that Reapers do not care about devouring individuality and reshaping it to the whims of their inexorable march. Keeping a clear stream of consciousness in the victim’s body makes it feel like a curse and not like a disease. None of the victims are truly gone that way, and it removes so much of the tragic powerlessness of organics in their fight against the machines. Imagine if Saren watched himself be a meanie and being like “nooo” from within until he had a chance to kill himself in a near-victorious battle, compared to him being completely persuaded he’s acting for the good of organic life until, for a split second, he comes to realize he doesn’t make any sense and is loosing his mind like someone with dementia would, and needs to grasp to this instant to make the last possible thing he could do to save others and his own mind from domination. I feel so little things for Saren in the former case, and so much for the latter. But it might just be me: I’m deeply touched by the exploration of how environment and things like medication can change someone’s behavior, it’s such a painfully human subject while forceful mind control is... just kind of cheap.

SPEAKING OF THE REAPERS. Did you know “The Reapers” as an entity is an actual character in this book? Because it is. And “The Reapers” is not a good character. During the introduction of Grayson and explaining his troubles, we get presented with the mean little voice in his head. It’s his thoughts in italics, nothing crazy, in fact it’s a little bit of a copeout from actually implementing his insecurities into the prose. But I gave the author the benefit of the doubt, as I knew Grayson would be indoctrinated later, and I fully expected the little voice to slowly start twisting into what the Reapers suggested to him. This doesn’t happen, or at least not in that slowburn sort of way. Instead the little voice is dropped almost immediately, and the Reapers are described, as a presence. And as the infection progresses, what Grayson do become what the Reapers do. The Reapers have emotions, it turns out. They’re disgusted at organic discharges. They’re pleased when Grayson accomplish what they want, and it’s told as such. They foment little plans to get their puppet to point A to point B, and we are privy to their calculations. And I’m sorry but the best way to ruin your lovecraftian concept is to try and explain its motivations and how it thinks. Because by definition the unknown is scarier, smarter, and colder than whatever a human author could come up with. I couldn’t take the Reapers’ dumb infiltration plans seriously, and now I think they are dumb all the time, and I didn’t want to!! The only cases in which the Reapers influence Grayson, we are told in very explicit details how so. For example, they won’t let Grayson commit suicide by flooding his brain with hope and determination when he tries, or they will change the words he types when he tries to send a message to Kahlee Sanders. And we are told exactly what they do every time. There was a glorious occasion to flex as a writer by diving deep into an unreliable narrator and write incredibly creepy prose, but I guess we could have been confused, and apparently that’s not allowed. And all of this is handled that poorly becauuuuuse...

5. Subtext is dead and Drew killed it

Now we need to talk about the prose. The style of the author is... let’s be generous and call it functional. It’s about clarity. The writing is so involved in its quest for clarity that it basically ruins the book, and most of the previous issues are direct consequences of the prose and adjacent decisions.The direct prose issues are puzzling, as they are known as rookie technical flaws and not something I would expect from the series’ Lead Writer for Mass Effect 1 and 2, but in this book we find problems such as:

The reliance on adverbs. Example: "Breathing heavily from the exertion, he stood up slowly”. I have nothing about a well-placed adverb that gives a verb a revelatory twist, but these could be replaced by stronger verbs, or cut altogether.

Filtering. Example: “Anderson knew that the fact they were getting no response was a bad sign”. This example is particularly egregious, but characters know things, feel things, realize things (boy do they realize things)... And this pulls us away from their internal world instead of making us live what they live, expliciting what should be implicit. For example, consider the alternative: “They were getting no reponse, which was a bad sign in Anderson’s experience.” We don’t really need the “in Anderson’s experience” either, but that already brings us significantly closer to his world, his lived experience as a soldier.

The goddamn dialogue tags. This one is the worst offender of the bunch. Nobody is allowed to talk without a dialogue tag in this book, and wow do people imply, admit, inform, remark and every other verb under the sun. Consider this example, which made me lose my mind a little: “What are you talking about? Kahlee wanted to know.” I couldn’t find it again, but I’m fairly certain I read a “What is it?” Anderson wanted to know. as well. Not only is it very distracting, it’s also yet another way to remove reader interpretation from the equation (also sometimes there will be a paragraph break inside a monologue -not even a long one-, and that doesn’t seem to be justified by anything? It’s not as big of a problem than the aversion to subtext, but it still confused me more than once)

Another writing choice that hurts the book in disproportionate ways is the reliance on point of view switches. In Retribution, we get the point of view of: Tim, Paul Grayson, Kai Leng, Kahlee Sanders, David Anderson, Aria T’loak, and Nick (a biotic teenager, the one with the boner). Maybe Sanak had a very small section too, but I couldn’t find it again so don’t take my word for it. That’s too many point of views for a plot-heavy 80k book in my opinion, but even besides that: the point of view switch several times in one single chapter. This is done in the most harmful way possible for tension: characters involved in the same scene take turns on the page explaining their perspective about the events, in a way that leaves the reader entirely aware of every stake to every character and every information that would be relevant in a scene. Take for example the first negotiation between Aria and Tim. The second Aria needs to ponder what her best move could possibly be, we get thrown back into Tim’s perspective explaining the exact ways in which he’s trying to deceive her -removing our agency to be either convinced or fooled alongside her. This results in a book that goes out of his way to keep us from engaging with its ideas and do any mental work on our own. Everything is laid out, bare and as overexplained as humanly possible. The format is also very repetitive: characters talk or do an action, and then we spend a paragraph explaining the exact mental reasoning for why they did what they did. There is nothing to interpret. No subtext at all whatsoever; and this contributes in casting a harsh light on the Mass Effect universe, cheapening it and overtly expliciting some of its worst ideas instead of leaving them politely blurred and for us to dress up in our minds. There is only one theme that remains subtextual in my opinion. And it’s not a pretty one.

6. Violence

So here’s the thing when you adapt a third person shooter into a novel: you created a violent world and now you will have to deal with death en-masse too (get it get it I’m so sorry). But while in videogames you can get away with thoughtless murder because it’s a gameplay mechanic and you’re not expected to philosophize on every splatter of blood, novels are all about internalization. Violent murder is by definition more uncomfortable in books, because we’re out of gamer conventions and now every death is actual when in games we just spawned more guys because we wanted that level to be a bit harder and on a subconscious level we know this and it makes it somewhat okay. I felt, in this book, a strange disconnect between the horrendous violence and the fact we’re expected to care about it like we would in a game: not much, or as a spectacle. Like in a game, we are expected to root for the safety of named characters the story indicated us we should be invested in. And because we’re in a book, this doesn’t feel like the objective truth of the universe spelled at us through user interface and quest logs, but the subjective worldview of the characters we’re following. And that makes them.... somewhat disturbing to follow.

I haven’t touched on Anderson and Kahlee Sanders much yet, but now I guess I have too, as they are the worst offenders of what is mentioned above. Kahlee cares about Grayson. She only cares about Grayson -and her students like the forementioned Nick, but mostly Grayson. Grayson is out there murdering people like it’s nobody’s business, but still, keeping Grayson alive is more important that people dying like flies around him. This is vaguely touched on, but not with the gravitas that I think was warranted. Also, Anderson goes with it. Because he cares about Kahlee. Anderson organizes a major political scandal between humans and turians because of Kahlee, because of Grayson. He convinces turians to risk a lot to bring Cerberus down, and I guess that could be understandable, but it’s mostly manipulation for the sake of Grayson’s survival: and a lot of turians die as a result. But not only turians: I was not comfortable with how casually the course of action to deal a huge blow to Cerberus and try to bring the organization down was to launch assault on stations and cover-ups for their organization. Not mass arrests: military assault. They came to arrest high operatives, maybe, but the grunts were okay to slaughter. This universe has a problem with systemic violence by the supposedly good guys in charge -and it’s always held up as the righteous and efficient way compared to these UGH boring politicians and these treaties and peace and such (amirite Anderson). And as the cadavers pile up, it starts to make our loveable protagonists... kind of self-centered assholes. Also: I think we might want to touch on who these cadavers tend to be, and get to my biggest point of discomfort with this novel.

Xenophobia is hard to write well, and I super sympathize with the attempts made and their inherent difficulty. This novel tries to evoke this theme in multiple ways: by virtue of having Cerberus’ heart and blade as point of view characters, we get a window into Tim and Kai Leng’s bigotry against aliens, and how this belief informs their actions. I wasn’t ever sold in their bigotry as it was shown to us. Tim evokes his scorn for whatever aliens do and how it’s inferior to humanity’s resilience -but it’s surface-level, not informed by deep and specific entranched beliefs on aliens motives and bodies, and how they are a threat on humanity according to them. The history of Mass Effect is rich with conflict and baggage between species, yet every expression of hatred is relegated to a vague “eww aliens” that doesn’t feed off systemically enforced beliefs but personal feelings of mistrust and disgust. I’ll take this example of Kai Leng, and his supposedly revulsion at the Afterlife as a peak example of alien decadence: he sees an asari in skimpy clothing, and deems her “whorish”. And this feels... off. Not because I don’t think Kai Leng would consider asaris whorish, but because this is supposed to represent Cerberus’ core beliefs: yet both him and Tim go on and on about how their goal is to uplift humanity, how no human is an enemy. But if that’s the case, then what makes Kai Leng call an Afterlife asari whorish and mean it in a way that’s meaningfully different from how he would consider a human sex worker in similar dispositions? Not that I don’t buy that Cerberus would have a very specific idea of what humans need to be to be considered worth preserving as good little ur-fascists, but this internal bias is never expressed in any way, and it makes the whole act feel hollow. Cerberus is not the only offender, though. Every time an alien expresses bias against humans in a way we’re meant to recognize as xenophobic, it reads the same way: as personal dislike and suspicion. As bullying. Which is such a small part of what bigotry encompasses. It’s so unspecific and divorced from their common history that it just never truly works in my opinion. You know what I thought worked, though? The golden trio of non-Cerberus human characters, and their attitude towards aliens. Grayson’s slight fetishism and suspicion of his attraction to Liselle, how bestial (in a cool, sexy way) he perceives the Afterlife to be. The way Anderson and Kahlee use turians for their own ends and do not spare a single thought towards those who died directly trying to protect them or Grayson immediately after the fact (they are more interested in Kahlee’s broken fingers and in kissing each other). How they feel disgust watching turians looting Cerberus soldiers, not because it’s disrespectful in general and the deaths are a inherent tragedy but because they are turians and the dead are humans. But it's not even really on them: the narration itself is engrossed by the suffering of humans, but aliens are relegated to setpieces in gore spectacles. Not even Grayson truly cares about the aliens the Reapers make him kill. Nobody does. Not even the aliens among each other: see, once again, Aria and Liselle, or Aria and Sanak. Nobody cares. At the very end of the story, Anderson comes to Kahlee and asks if she gives him permission to have Grayson’s body studied, the same way Cerberus planned to. It’s source of discomfort, but Kahlee gives in as it’s important, and probably what Grayson would have wanted, maybe? So yeah. In the end the only subtextual theme to find here (probably as an accident) is how the Alliance’s good guys are not that different from Cerberus it turns out. And I’m not sure how I feel about that.

7. Lore-approved books, or the art of shrinking an expanding universe

I’d like to open the conversation on a bigger topic: the very practice of game novelization, or IP-books. Because as much as I think Drew Karpyshyn’s final draft should not have ended up reading that amateur given the credits to his name, I really want to acknowledge the realities of this industry, and why the whole endeavor was perhaps doomed from the start regardless of Karpyshyn’s talent or wishes as an author.

The most jarring thing about this reading experience is as follows: I spent almost 80k words exploring this universe with new characters and side characters, all of them supposedly cool and interesting, and I learned nothing. I learned nothing new about the world, nothing new about the characters. Now that it’s over, I’m left wondering how I could chew on so much and gain so little. Maybe it’s just me, but more likely it’s by design. Not on poor Drew. Now that I did IP work myself, I have developed an acute sympathy for anyone who has to deal with the maddening contradictions of this type of business. Let me explain.

IP-adjacent media (in the West at least) sure has for goal to expand the universe: but expand as in bloat, not as in deepen. The target for this book is nerds like me, who liked the games and want more of this thing we liked. But then we’re confronted by two major competitors: the actual original media (in ME’s case, the games) whose this product is a marketing tool for, and fandom. IP books are not allowed to compete with the main media: the good ideas are for the main media, and any meaningful development has to be made in the main media (see: what happened with Kai Leng, or how everyone including me complains about the worldbuilding to the Disney Star Swars trilogy being hidden in the novelization). And when it comes to authorship (as in: taking an actual risk with the media and give it a personal spin), then we risk introducing ideas that complicate the main media even though a ridiculously small percent of the public will be attached to it, or ideas that fans despise. Of course we can’t have the latter. And once the fandom is huge enough, digging into anything the fans have strong headcanons for already risks creating a lot of emotions once some of these are made canon and some are disregarded. As much as I joke about how in Mass Effect you can learn about any gun in excrutiating details but we still don’t know if asaris have a concept for marriage... would we really want to know how/if asaris marry, or aren’t we glad we get to be creative and put our own spin on things? The dance between fandom and canon is a delicate one that can and will go wrong. And IP books are generally not worth the drama for the stakeholders.

Add this to insane deadlines, numerous parties all involved in some way and the usual struggles of book writing, and we get a situation where creating anything of value is pretty much a herculean task.

But then I ask... why do IP books *have* to be considered canon? I know this is part of the appeal, and that removing the “licenced” part only leaves us with published fanfiction, but... yeah. Yeah. I think it could be a fascinating model. Can you imagine having your IP and hiring X amount of distinctive authors to give it their own spin, not as definitive additions to the world but as creative endeavours and authorial deepdives? It would allow for these novels to be comparative and companion to the main media instead of being weird appendages that can never compare, and the structure would allow for these stories to be polished and edited to a higher level than most fanfictions. Of course I’m biased because I have a deep belief in the power of fanfiction as commentary and conversational piece. But I would really love to see companies’ approach to creative risk and canon to change. We might get Disney stuff until we die now, so the least we can ask for is for this content to be a little weird, personal and human.

That’s it. That’s the whole review. Thank you for reading, it was very long and weirdly passionate, have a nice dayyyyy.

#Mass Effect #mass effect retribution #me critical #writing #mass effect novels #anderson #kahlee sanders #Aria T'loak #paul grayson #liselle #salarians #IP conversation #omega #mass effect lore #reapers #book review

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