#also shout out to my tester because it was a different lady this time and she was nice and actually looked me in the face and spoke to me

[transsexual-divinity]

I passed my drivers test!!!

[writerofshit]

Secret Santa:X

(This is half headcanon, half fic, all fun times and emotions)

(Shoutout to the Penthouse discord server for help on some of the gifts, would have been lost without you)

The last Christmas they have in the penthouse, Ryan brings up Secret Santa again. It’s partly a joke, partly a nod to the nostalgia that’s been eating at all of them the last few months. He brings it up when they’re all gathered in the living room, watching Gavin try and prove his stealth abilities in Hitman.

(“Just because you can be stealthy in a video game doesn’t mean I’m letting you come with me.” Jack had said at the beginning of it all.

“If I get silent assassin you have to take me!”

“This is your fourth run through!”)

Anyhow, Ryan brings it up, all nonchalant. “Remember that year we did Secret Santa?”

“No?” Jeremy says honestly.

“Before your time.” Michael says with a smile, patting him on the head.

“It was fun. We should do it again.”

(”Goddamnit!” On screen, Gavin dies again.)

The next day they have a meeting of all the ‘movers and shakers’, as Geoff has taken to calling them. He announces that Secret Santa is yet again a thing, and no, Matt, you can’t get out of it. There’s no budget, because they all have access to more money than they know what to do with.

They throw eleven names in a hat and go from there. Geoff calls first pick because he’s an asshole like that, and his choice picks next, so on and so forth.

 “Just get your shit done by Christmas, and we’ll do it then.”

--

Geoff pulls Gavin, and only panics a little.

The kid has everything he could ever want, what’s he really supposed to do? He considers what he might need, ends up crossing ‘bulletproof vest and a helmet’ off the list because it feels a little impersonal. He could do liquor of some sort, but he suspects there will be enough of that floating around on Christmas day.

He considers a camera, knows Gavin is into that kind of shit, but he’s lost a lot of knowledge in that department over the years. The only person who knows enough is Gavin himself, and that kind of defeats the point.

He ends up going for a new pair of gold shades, because the old ones are pretty worn out after six-plus years, and he’s almost positive Gavin has lost them. (Probably in Ryan’s room, but that’s neither here nor there) He gets a pair that have diamonds along the arms, and even though they’re ridiculously expensive he thinks it’s worth it.

Gavin adores them, has them on within 30 seconds of unwrapping them. He pokes himself in the eye, and that feels like a bonus to Geoff.

--

Gavin pulls Trevor, and while he plays it off at first “Oh, this will be easy, I got this person for sure!” he absolutely has no idea what to do.

 There’s a weird bit of time where he tries to get to know Trevor better. He learns absolutely nothing new, despite following the guy for almost a week.

There’s a night he lays in bed with Ryan, bitching about this whole thing. “What the hell do I do? This was terrible for me last time, why would you suggest this?”

He ends up calling Barbara from the Roosters to try and figure out something, who promptly makes fun of him for not knowing anything about the guy he’s worked with for years. She does give one bit of new information, so he goes with it.

He gives Trevor tickets to the next Motocross event, because it’s apparently something he’s into. He throws in a NASA t-shirt as a joke, a nod to the world Trevor left behind.

Both items go over well, Trevor immediately pulling the shirt on over what he’s already wearing. He won’t shut up about Motocross for the rest of the day, either.

--

Trevor pulls Ryan, which he’s immediately terrified of.

 He knows Ryan well enough to know that there won’t be any serious repercussions if he fucks it up, he won’t get gutted over a poor gift choice. But he also knows he’ll get that weird stare Ryan does when he’s pretending to consider whether or not to hurt someone. Plus he won’t live it down from the rest of the crew.

At first he goes to Gavin for help, because apparently nobody is taking the ‘secret’ part seriously. Gavin absolutely refuses to help him, mostly for the laughs. He knows Gavin’s getting a kick out of watching him squirm over this, which is so unfair. Then he asks Jack for help, who just shrugs. 

“You’re a smart guy, Trevor, you’ll figure something out.”

He does, sort of. He gives Ryan a 24 pack of diet coke (because what else?) and an actually beautiful rainbow knife. It seems pretty heavy duty, and he knows its right up his alley. He also throws in some earplugs as a joke.

 “So you can tune out Gav’s idiocy whenever you need.”

“Come on, Trevor. I’ve had years of practice at that. The knife is gorgeous though.”

--

Ryan pulls Alfredo, and he’s not too worried about it.

Alfredo’s their go-to sniper these days, and a new sniper rifle seems pretty obvious. Maybe a gift card to Ammunation or something? It does feel a little lackluster, even to him, so he brings it up to Gavin one night, while Gav is still debating t-shirts from Amazon.

“That’s a bit boring, isn’t it?”

“You’re buying a NASA shirt for an ex-aerospace engineer. I’m gonna need you to rethink your stance on this one.”

“Nah. You gotta do something better for Fredo, he deserves it.”

Which. alright, then what the fuck is he supposed to do? He gets his answer the next week when he sees Alfredo on a motorcycle for the first time.

“I’m going to teach you how to actually ride that thing.” Which is good, a chance to catch up and hang out. Bad, because Ryan’s method of teaching is ‘learn by doing’ and does in fact result in shouting.

Ryan still gives him the sniper rifle, which he is far more excited about.

--

Alfredo pulls Fiona, and it’s the first time he marginally regrets joining the crew.

He’s got no fucking idea what she’d like, what gift she’d appreciate and not hit him over. He tries to be casual about asking around, hoping someone might have better insight. The rest of the crew catches on immediately, and they flood him with false information.

“She loves chocolate. Favorite Halloween candy, in fact!” Michael tells him, but the grin he has says otherwise.

“She mentioned something about wanting to learn a new language.” Jack says seriously.

“Get her an English to French dictionary, she’ll love it.” Gavin tacks on.

“French, yep. She definitely wants to learn that one.”

Lindsay is the only one who actually helps him. “She’s been known to enjoy a drink or two.”

By sheer luck he happens to walk into one of the thousand arguments Fiona has with Michael over the whole ‘Halloween candy’ debacle, and he knows immediately that's a bad route to go down.

He ends up making a gift basket full of liquor mini’s and various candies. He makes sure not to include any chocolates, and throws some extra blowpops in, just to be safe.

Thankfully, she does appreciate the thought he put in, and she says she’ll only share with Alfredo since everyone else is an asshole.

--

Fiona pulls Lindsay, and it’s not hard to figure out what she’ll like.

 She considers something chaotic, the two of them wreaking havoc on the city together. It makes sense. She also thinks about organizing a ‘girls day’, getting all the ladies of the crew together to go out and fuck some shit up. There’s a lot of logistics involved in that one, including convincing some of them to be out in the field like that.

It crosses her mind to bring Lindsay to a shelter to play with cats, because if there’s one thing Lindsay likes more than chaos, it’s cats. That’s also a bit of a logistical nightmare, not to mention the strength it would take to pry her away.

In the end she goes with cat merch. It’s a basket full of goodies, including a mug with a cat holding a bi-pride flag, a dress with various cartoon cats on it, and a cat necklace that has her birthstone as the body.

It’s beautiful, and Lindsay just about cries. She too, immediately changes into her new clothing, and she drinks everything out of the mug for at least a month.

--

Lindsay pulls Matt, and at first she panics.

She knows him fairly well, but like... He’s a real weirdo, what’s she supposed to do with that? She wonders what games he could use, if there’s anything he hasn’t bought himself.

Her confusion lasts until she mentions it to Michael. (Only after he let it slip who he’d picked.)

“Are you fucking kidding me? Matt’s the easiest goddamn one!”

“Bullshit! Name one thing you know about M.att B.ragg!”

“He eats like shit! Give him a box of donuts and he’ll lose his fuckin mind.”

Her response of  “Oh my god.” is barely heard.

She spends a week trying out different recipes, much to Ryan’s delight. He’s happy to play taste-tester while she finds the perfect flavor combination.

She winds up going with a double chocolate espresso concoction. Matt is, of course, super stoked about his cupcakes, and damn near has to fight Ryan off to protect them.

--

Matt pulls Jeremy, which is pretty much a slam dunk.

Whiskey is the obvious choice, one he’ll absolutely go with, thank you very much. Who said taking the easy way out never got you anywhere?

And it would have, if it weren’t for Geoff.

There’s a debate that happens about a week before Christmas, something about the necessity of going to the liquor store. Michael and Jeremy are firmly pro-trip, and Geoff just wants them to “stay home and do some goddamn work. Besides, it’s not like half of you guys aren’t buying each other liquor anyway. In a week I’m sure we’ll be fully stocked.”

Which, alright. Fuck Matt then, huh? He’d genuinely thought it was a good idea, a mix of thoughtful and practical.

He decides to pair the whiskey with- well, it’s kind of a joke gift, but at least he won’t be accused of only buying liquor.

He commissions a customized cowboy hat. Half purple half orange, split right down the middle. There’s a neon yellow buckle on it, and it’s the ugliest thing Matt has ever seen in his life.

Jeremy loves it though, thinks it’s goddamn perfect. He wears it for the rest of the day, and for the next heist.

(Michael is less enthused.)

--

Jeremy pulls Michael, and that-

That’s harder than it should be.

He and Michael have been doing this... Whatever the fuck it is for over six months now, and they haven’t goddamn talked about. Not really. They’ve had moments,sure, here and there when they’re both drunk and thinking far too much about it. Reminding each other that they’re happy, that this is a good time, wouldn’t change it for the world-

But there’s still nights they sleep alone and they don’t talk about why. They still don’t really mention it to anyone else, even if they all know. Jeremy still doesn’t know how to answer when someone asks what the deal is with him and Michael.

So it’s hard, right, to come up with a relationship- appropriate gift. Too jokey and he’ll feel bad. Too serious isn’t their style at all. Plus like… how’s he supposed to do that in front of everybody? Just because they know there’s something there doesn’t mean they need to put on a show.

He settles on the obvious, nice bottle of tequila and a couple of shot glasses. It’s not exactly personal, but it’s good enough to show the room.

Later, in a quiet moment they can steal away, Jeremy offers to take him out the next night.

“We’ll do the bar thing, just you and me. My treat.”

“Oh yeah? You’re buying my drinks all night?” Michael asks him with a sly grin.

“I uh- I’ll get your drinks for as long as you’ll have me.” and it doesn’t come out exactly right, but they both know what he means by it.

Earns him a smile and a sweet kiss, and that alone is worth it.

--

Michael pulls Jack, and he runs through a few options.

He considers buying her furniture, because he knows she'll need it when they all finally do move out. But Jack has a good head on her shoulders and probably already has that shit on lock.

He looks into custom shelving, for all the knick knacks she's collected over the years. He could get it designed in colors she'd like and shell out extra for lighting and all that shit. But she doesn't have a new place yet, as far as he knows, so that's kind of a bust.

He could give her what amounts to a gift certificate, an offer to pay for whatever she wants made, but that seems kind of… Empty?

There's the age old alcohol gift, but that's been done before, and is probably being done by almost everyone else.

He mentions to Lindsay how weirdly difficult it is to buy something for Jack, get’s zero advice but somehow helps her figure out the whole Matt mystery.

In the end he decides to help her out and piss her off, a little bit of a win-win kinda thing. He buys her a couple of new shirts, bold and flowery and almost as bad as Jeremy’s Rimmy Tim shtick. He hates them but he knows she loves them, so it’s worth it.

He tells her it’s because her old shirts gotta be falling out of fashion, an opinion she is not happy about.

But it’s fine, because he also gets her tickets to fucking Disney World, of all places. He even offers to go with her, which she absolutely takes him up on.

It’s more fun than he expects, and it’s a really good chance to actually spend some time with her. He hadn’t realized it had been so long.

--

Jack pulls Geoff, which.

It’s no secret that Geoff is a sentimental bastard when it comes to the crew. It’s exactly why he’d spent months talking to her about the possibility of selling the penthouse, trying to figure out exactly how everyone would react, trying to figure out how he would react to not having them all so close anymore. She spent countless nights listening to him wonder what it meant that he wanted his own space.

Objectively, he was probably a bad person but his love and fierce loyalty to the crew made up for that, in some ways, right? So how can he kick them out, how can he do this to them, he’s being selfish-

And she had just explained to him that he had to do what was right for him. That it was understandable. That he was right, they could all use the opportunity to be a little more independent. She was looking forward to having her own space, and in time the rest of them would too.

So when she pulls Geoff’s name, she knows she’s gotta lean into that a bit. She could get him some books, some puzzles maybe. He’d mentioned off-hand that he missed having the space for them, because the kitchen table was always covered in some sort of crew shenanigans.

She does get him those, because she knows they’ll get some use.

But the big thing is the collage.

She’s had pictures of the crew on her phone for years, dating all the way back to her and Geoff in a shitty apartment. She’s got some of Ray, curled up on the couch with a DS in his hand. Gavin and Michael wrestling one drunken night. Ryan, nodded off on the couch after a heist, face paint still on and a complete mess. Jeremy trying to teach Matt something resembling self-defense. Lindsay cuddling a stray cat she had taken in. Trevor and Alfredo in matching clothes, playing up the ‘twin’ joke that had been going around. Fiona in that bright yellow suit, modeling for her Instagram.

There’s one she gets at the last minute, gets somebody from the support team to take right before their latest heist. It’s all eleven of them, full heist get-up, masks and obnoxious fashion choices and guns tucked here and there. They’re in the boardroom, running through it one more time before they take off, and in retrospect, it’s probably the last time they’ll do that in that room.

She sets that one in the middle, surrounded by all of these moments from the last 12 years.

“For your new place, when you find it.” Jack says.

It’s beautiful, and it makes Geoff cry. It brings some sniffles from a lot of them, even if they all deny it.

Leaving the penthouse isn’t the easiest thing for any of them, but it’s the right move. After all, they’re still a family.

[crimefightingspiderguy]

left hand free

Part II to the series, i want you to want me.

Summary: (Y/N) is checking in on Peter in Germany. 

Warnings: I guess swearing? Maybe spoilers for Captain America: Civil War, but like who hasn’t seen that bad boy lol?

Pairings: Peter Parker x best friend!reader

Word count: 1,632

A/N: I’ve decided that I’m going to attempt to get this series done before I start my summer semester, so on the 15th of May, if I can’t then updates will be slow during that time, at least for a month until I finish school. Updates will ideally be 1-2 times a week since that’s about how many days I have off from work. Thanks for the support on the last part!

You anxiously pace back and forth on your kitchen floor. Lost in your thoughts, only brought to reality by the familiar ding of your phone. You let go of the breath you didn’t know you were holding. You pick up your phone and look at the text from Peter, 

P: “Just landed in Germany”

Y: “Well now that the hard part is over, have a great trip! 🙄🥴”

P: “All will be fine lol. Make sure to send me a picture of us “hanging” so I can check-in with May.”

“Hey, dad!” You called to him, hoping he could hear you from his room.

“What’s up?” He popped his head out from behind the door frame. 

“I have a strange favor to ask. Can you take a picture of me working on my Spanish project? Since Peter and I couldn’t work on it together, they want us to take pictures of each of us doing our halves so they know we didn’t just have one person do all the work.” 

“What happened with Peter coming over this weekend?” 

“Oh, it turns out he had a college recruitment thing. He didn’t think he’d qualify when he applied, so he thought he’d be able to make it. He’s gonna do his half in his hotel.” 

“Oh, alright.” Your dad takes your phone from you and snaps a picture of you leaning over the poster board, pretending to write the title for the project. He hands you back your phone. “That’s an odd request from a teacher.” 

“Well, that’s what they tell us, but we all really know that they’re just lacking in volunteers for the yearbook so they want to get some extra pictures of kids working on projects if they can.” You chuckled nervously, and took the phone back, immediately sending it to Peter. He went back to his room, telling you goodnight and to not stay up too late. “love you!” you shout as he shuts his bedroom door. 

“Back at ya kid!”

You phone bings and brings your attention back to Peter.

P: “Oh look how cute you look when you pretend to do homework 🥺”

Y: “Shut up. I hope Captain America knocks you on your ass with his shield.” 

P: “Well that’s not very nice. Maybe I should ask one of the Avengers if they’re in the market for a new best friend.”

Y: “Go ahead and do that for me because if you die then at least I’ll have someone to comfort me. Does Thor happen to be on your team? If so, I’ll gladly mourn my loss in his big strong arms 😢”

P: “As a matter of fact, he is not. Guess you’re s.o.l. Nighty night.” 

Y: “Night, try not to get yourself killed dumbass.” 

You continued working on the Spanish project throughout the night. After all, you were planning on having two people doing this, and now you have to make up for that. Well, that’s what you told yourself, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to sleep well all weekend with the thought that Peter might be in danger. But, if he really has been Spider-Man this whole time, then he’s been in danger for some time. But this seems like a different kind of danger. You’ve always know Spider-Man to be the friendly neighborhood crime fighter, but now that he’s working with the Avengers, you worried what that kind of exposure to a bigger enemy might mean for him. Maybe this is why Peter never told you, he didn’t want you to hold him back or worry constantly about him. You’d understand him not telling May because of that, but you thought that your friendship was something beyond just caring about each other. You thought it was the two of you encouraging each other and helping them to be the best version of themselves, so why didn’t he trust you with something that was so important to him? Maybe he thought you’d rat him out? But if he gave you the chance he would know that you would never go behind his back like that. Maybe this was your chance to prove that to him. Well, whatever his reasoning, you hoped he would be more honest from here on out. 

The next day you hadn’t heard anything from Peter all day. You assumed he was probably just busy, plus being in a different time zone probably didn’t help, but you still had a gnawing feeling. That was until you got a text of a picture of Peter with some locals, and you realized he was probably sightseeing until it was time to “suit up”. You smiled at the picture and saved it. He looked so genuinely happy, and you didn’t get to see that often in pictures. You realized that this was something that he was excited about. His nerves and tension you sensed when he asked you to cover for him were gone, and he was fully enjoying himself and his chance to fight with Iron Man. You sighed contently and shut off your phone, figuring it’s probably best to not have it taunting you throughout the day. 

When you finally turned your phone back on, about right before you got into bed for the night, you had a video from Peter waiting for you. It was him running around a town square and showing you all the different food carts. You chuckled, not really sure why he felt the need to share all the food carts with you of everything, but you didn’t mind. Accompanying the video is a text that says,

P: “Mr. Stark says we’re gathering at the airport in the morning because that’s where Captain America is heading, trying to escape.”

Y: “Loving the video and picture, looks like fun! Hope everything goes well tomorrow, kick some ass Pete ❤️ (oh and don’t die please)” 

P: “Oh now you want me to come back. Now that you know Thor’s not here to dry your tears?” 

Y: “I’ve always wanted you to come back, I’m just saying if you don’t… I might not be so torn up if Thor was sent to break the news to me 😉”

P: “I’ll put that in my will really quick “P.S. Send Thor to break the news to (Y/N)”.” 

Y: “I appreciate your support on this bud! Oh by the way, here’s a picture of the project finished for May, tomorrow I’m baking Mantecados so when you get back you can be my taste tester and then everything should be ready to present on Monday!” 

You’d gotten up and snapped a picture of the finished poster board. Then propped your camera on your desk so it looked about Peter's height, and set a timer. You hopped in front of the board and held your arms out in a way that someone would show off a car on a game show, and out on a big grin. You sent both to Peter so he had some options for what to send to May as proof. He responded to you after he saved them and forwarded them to May.

P: “Thank you! May is really appreciating the fun shots of you acting like poster board making is your calling. Also, I’m really looking forward to knowing absolutely nothing about our project when we present lol.” 

Y: “Hey, that’s on you lol. Read the points I have on the board on your plane ride back.” 

You set your phone down and closed your eyes, a smile on your face that you couldn’t shake. You were able to sleep peacefully knowing that for now, Peter was okay. You could worry about him tomorrow, but for now, he’s okay. 

You decided to sleep in as much as you could, since today all you had to do was go out and get some baking ingredients, then bake. You woke up around noon, which is definitely longer than you thought you’d stay in, but you weren’t mad. You were facing your alarm clock on your bedside table then turned on your back to stretch. You looked up at your ceiling and fell out of bed. 

“What the actual fuck!” You yell as you fall, scared to death.

You heard the most familiar laugh echo through your room as Peter fell from your ceiling to your bed. You stood up, grabbed your pillow and smacked him across the head. 

“Hey! It’s not my fault you’re easy to scare!” 

“No, but it is your fault that you’re a total ass.” You laugh at him, but then pause as he takes off his mask and reveals his black eye. You quickly take his face into your hands and gently rub your thumb over it.

“Who did this? I’ll kick their ass.” You said, completely forgetting that he was just fighting the oldest living Avenger.

“I’ll let Mr. Stark know to warn Cap that you’re coming for his head.” 

“Right, sorry. I did just wake up, I totally forgot you were off fighting big bad guys. So what was it like? Are you an Avenger now?” 

“It was interesting and kind of cool to be doing more than just stopping random thugs from stealing old ladies’ purses, ya know? And no, well… I’m basically an Avenger, but I think I have to wait for another assignment or something for me to prove I’m ready.” 

“Well, hopefully, they’re not needing you too much.”

“Why not? I could really do this! I could be an Avenger!”

“What about school?”

“Well I could obviously do both, I would just have to only do Avenger things when I can, but I’ll manage, I’ve been managing for a while now.” 

“Well, as long as your happy, and not dead, I’ll support you.” You chuckled, hoping that Peter would continue to trust you with his Spider-Man secrets. 

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[fuck-customers]

Just a few stories and a shout out to a certain kind of customer I deal with any where between five to twenty-five times a week. TW for me swearing and the stupidity of the general public. First story; Labor day I had a woman come in the store and go about her business. I start to notice little red dots on the floor as I go around facing the store. I go and get a paper towel, follow the dots and find the woman who came in earlier just bleeding on everything. So, yanno, I go over to her and offer her the paper towel with a "Hey, you're bleeding, if you would come with me to the front we can get you a bandaid and some hand sanitizer to help you get cleaned up." She looks at me like I am the scum of the earth and just keeps browsing and ignoring me. At this point there is like a puddle of blood on the floor and I am like "Hey, we have to get you cleaned up. It's kinda against health code to let you just walk around like that." Which it is, we have a salon in the store and we have to clean up any bodily fluids and make sure who ever they come from is properly attended to. She just goes off on me, saying how I have no business on telling her what to do and that I should mind my own damn business. At this point I have the right to refuse service so I ask her to leave if she won't be respectful of the store and the customers who are also shopping here. She gets huffy and says I have no good reason to be telling her to get out and that she would be letting the world know she was discriminated against in our store. She wasn't discriminated against, she was becoming a biological hazard to those around her since she wouldn't accept help to clean up. Because of her I had to list around fifty dollars worth of stock as contaminated, probably would have been more if I let her continue. Second Story; Wednesday the 5th I worked in another store. Girl around maybe around five or six comes in with who I am assuming is her mother. Now I get it, is a cosmetology store and everything is shiny and brightly coloured, but HOLY SHIT PLEASE WATCH YOUR CHILDREN. Little girl wandered off and she finds herself in the colour aisle playing hair colour and developer like legos. No big deal, kinda cute, but then she starts opening the developer bottles and out of just sheer fear that she would drink it I went and took it from her. I asked her where her parent was and she started to cry cause then she realized they were missing. Mom comes wandering into the picture, yelling at me that I made her kid cry, blah blah blah. Meanwhile the the kid is going "where's mommy" every couple of hiccups, but yeah, I made her cry even though she just realized she's alone in a place she doesn't know and you aren't there for her. Lady grabbed up the kid and stormed out of the store trying to get the girl to calm down. Got a phone call later from that same lady, so I passed the phone over and I got to listen to the store manager pretty much straight up tell the lady that had she been watching her kid then the situation that occurred would have never happened in the first place. Which, yeah, I have to agree with her. Third Story; An older gentleman and his wife came in. He waited by the door while his wife went to get something from the shelves. The entire time he is just staring me down. I ask him if there was anything I could help him with while his wife was shopping and he just goes, "Your hair is really fucking green, is all that dye making your face break out?" And I just, don't even take a second to collect myself. Like? How do you respond to that? Apparently my dumbass thought that saying, "I don't know, is being stuck in a retirement home whats making you so irritating?" Immediately regretted it, felt like shit, and had dug myself such a deep hole I thought I would never get out. Someone of a higher power must have been looking out for me because his wife thought is was great that he got a taste of his own medicine for once instead of someone just laughing it off. And lastly; to a great many a people who I would think should know better. Don't open sealed makeup and test it. We have testers that you can use. They ate clearly labeled, not hard to use, and keeps as clean as possible. When you open something in the store we don't mark it as defective, it gets marked as contaminated. The difference between the two is defective we can send back to the company and get a refund or replacement product. CONTAMINATED PRODUCT gets sent back and is destroyed with no refund or replacement. It's literally stealing and to be doing it from a small business where we all barely make minimum wage is fucked up. Like just stop and grow the fuck up and stop being trash when you clearly know better.

[littlereyofsunlight]

Goodbye, Dreamland (part 1)

Steggyweek2k18 Day 2! Part 2 of this needs a little more polishing, so it’ll be up later today. This one goes out to @roboticonography and @indiefic, who spit-balled ideas with me for this story one fine May day.

Fic: Goodbye, Dreamland Pairing: Steve/Peggy Rating: T+ Summary:  Steve and Peggy take a trip to Coney Island in an alternate-timeline in which Peggy is brought to the future and Ultron never happened.

“It’s real different than my day,” Steve said, slight hesitation slowing his voice. They’d come out of the sprawling Coney Island subway station on Stillwell between Mermaid and Surf, right by the Subway sandwich shop, into a dazzlingly bright late June morning. A solitary breeze wafted the sea air past overflowing trash bins, combining those scents into a familiar Brooklyn perfume as they walked up the steps by the improbably twisted red and blue tracks of a roller coaster.

Peggy, preoccupied with digging into her beach bag to touch up her sunscreen—it had been over two hours since she’d last put it on, and all of today’s literature suggested, as did Peggy’s own fair-skinned experience thus far this summer, that reapplication was necessary after that much sun exposure—so she didn’t quite catch it. “Well darling, it’s been seventy years.” She held up the tube, triumphant, then frowned up at him from under her floppy-brimmed hat. “Also, wasn’t there a flood recently?”

Steve shoved his hands in his shorts pockets and started to amble down the boardwalk. “2012, Superstorm Sandy. Maybe five months after the Chitauri attack on Manhattan.”

“Steve,” Peggy said, realization dawning as she rubbed extra SPF onto her cheeks, “I thought you hadn’t been here since you’d…” She stumbled over just what to call it, his miraculous return to the living.

“Since I was defrosted?” There was a sardonic edge Peggy didn’t miss this time. Wisely she held her tongue, knowing he’d elaborate in his own time. She offered him the sunscreen, but he wrinkled his nose and waved it away. “We all watched the storm from Stark Tower. There was a crane in Midtown that collapsed, and Tony went out in the middle of it, to secure that. But mostly we could only sit around til it passed.” He looked over at her. “Hell of a view, though.”

He took her hand, directed her past the entrance to Luna Park, headed away from most of the crowds. “They thought I’d be helpful here, since there had been looting. The beach had been washed clear up over this whole boardwalk, and all I saw were store owners trying to clean out and citizens just trying to get by when everything was closed or wrecked.” He shrugged, and Peggy squeezed his hand. “Coulda done something more in Breezy Point, maybe, but I went where they sent me.”

“Steve, I wish you’d told me.”

He gave her a lopsided smile and squeezed back. “Well, you said you wanted to come. I know you lived in the city for a while before you came to this time, so I figured you liked it, or maybe hadn’t had the chance to visit.”

Peggy gave a brittle laugh and stopped walking so she could face him. “Neither, I’m afraid. I have been before, and I was miserable the whole time.” Steve blanched, frown lines forming between his brows. “Darling, I came out here when I first moved because you’d spoken fondly of it, and then I spent the entire day crying about you, because you weren’t with me. I suggested this trip because I thought you’d want to see it again.”

His confusion gave way to sadness as his heart clenched, thinking of Peggy alone on a bench, staring out at the freezing winter surf and missing him. He drew her close, intending to sweep her into a hug.

But Peggy started laughing as she watched the emotions play across Steve’s face. “Listen to us! This isn’t an O. Henry story, Steve, it’s a trip to Coney Island! Sunshine! Roller coasters! Hot dogs! Splashing in the water! For pity’s sake, we’re here together and the beach is back where it’s supposed to be, so let’s just enjoy it.” When he smiled in return, she rewarded him by throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him down for a kiss so deep, an onlooker wolf-whistled as they passed.

“You know,” Steve said, straightening his crooked collar, “I have a feeling today’s going to be a good day.”

Some time later, having walked the length of the boardwalk several times to soak up the sun and take in all their options for amusement, Peggy happened to remove her sunglasses and see just how red Steve, staunch refuser of sun protection, had gotten since they’d arrived. “Steven Rogers!” she exclaimed. “You are turning into a lobster before my eyes.”

Steve gingerly touched his nose and winced at the too-tight, sore feeling of a sunburn. “It won’t last,” he said, sheepish. “As soon as I’m out of the sun, I’ll be fine.”

Peggy goggled at him. “We have no indoor plans! Do you mean to tell me I’m to spend my entire day with a man turning ever-increasing shades of red?” He shrugged. “Steve, doesn’t it hurt?”

He squirmed under her scrutiny. “I’ve had worse.”

Peggy snorted. “Forgive me if I don’t exactly trust your sense of scale. I’m buying you a hat right now.” She steered him into a souvenir shop. “Your ears look absurd!”

Though he protested the bucket hat Peggy had first tried to cram onto his skull and lobbied unsuccessfully for a baseball cap (“Steve, your ears!”), they eventually compromised on a straw trilby, which had enough of a brim to satisfy Peggy’s shade requirements and didn’t make Steve feel as though he’d missed the boat for a fishing trip, or a John Candy movie. In retaliation, Steve picked out a t-shirt while Peggy was at the register. He wouldn’t let her see it until they’d left the store.

“Oh, bloody Nora!” Peggy pulled the shirt from its plastic bag. “Honestly, Steve, this is a complete waste of money. You should return it.”

“What?” Steve asked, all innocence now that he’d managed to turn the tables. “It’s cheeky. You’re cheeky. I thought you could use a souvenir.”

Peggy turned the shirt over to examine the back, which, like the front, was printed with a cartoon woman’s bikini-clad body. “It’s cheeky, all right,” Peggy muttered. “I’m never wearing it,” she told him.

“That hurts. You don’t like my gift?” He tried to hold a pout but the outraged look on Peggy’s face was too much, and he broke down in giggles. “It’s terrible!”

“It is terrible!” Peggy couldn’t fathom why he’d bought it.

Steve slung his arm around her shoulders and started walking again. “It’s not a day at Coney without a terrible souvenir.” He went to drop a kiss against her temple, but Peggy’s sensible hat got in the way and all he got was straw and a bit of grosgrain ribbon. “You’re welcome, my dear.”

“Thank you,” Peggy grumbled, outrage melting slightly as she shoved the offending shirt into her bag. “Still not wearing it.”

“Nah, you’re way too classy for that shirt.” Steve agreed. “We can give it to Tony when we get home.”

That, at least, made her smile. “He would like this shirt.”

“The man’s got no class, we all know it.”

They’d arrived at the entrance for the midway games, and Peggy had an idea. “You know what? I think it’s time I took you to school, Rogers.” She grabbed his hand and set off through the milling crowd, making a beeline for the shooting range. When they arrived, Steve took one look at the carnival game and then looked back at her. “Loser buys lunch?” she suggested, oh-so-casual.

Steve chuckled, knowing just what he was getting himself into, but he still said yes. This was going to be fun.

Twenty minutes later, the barker running the shooting range was pleading with Peggy to move along. “You’re intimidating everyone! No one wants to go up against you! I’m not gonna hit my numbers if you stick around, lady, come on.”

Peggy surveyed the small mountain of stuffed animals she’d amassed with her sharp-shooting skills. “Well, I suppose this will do, then.” She turned to Steve and loaded him up with an armful. “Let’s pass these out and then see what other games look fun.”

It didn’t take long for word to spread to all the kids on the midway that there were free toys to be had, and they quickly dispersed Peggy’s winnings among the group. Task accomplished, they decided against the ring toss and some game known as “Fried Frogs,” but Peggy made Steve stop when they reached the strength tester.

“Aw, Peggy, I hated this one back in the day,” Steve complained.

“Great,” Peggy winked at him. “Now you get another crack at it.”

Steve rubbed at the back of his (sunburned) neck. “I don’t know, isn’t it just...showing off now?”

“I don’t know why you’re not seeing that’s precisely the idea,” she said, a wicked gleam in her eye as she raked her gaze over his impressive physique. Oh. Now Steve got the point. Could you blush with a sunburn? Because he was pretty sure he was doing that just now, and feeling warm all through his body as Peggy continued to openly appreciate his looks.

Some of the kids had followed Peggy and Steve after the stuffed animals, so there was a small crowd to witness when Steve, quite unexpectedly brought the hammer down and broke both it and the bell when the force of his swing shot the puck straight through and off the tower.

“Woah!” One of the kids, a tousle-headed boy there with his chubby friend, exclaimed. “Did you see that Ned? Did you see it!”

“That guy’s gotta be as strong as Thor,” Ned replied.

Peggy just smirked while Steve stammered an apology to the flabbergasted worker. He couldn’t beg off when the woman insisted he take the prize he’d won, either, but Ned and his scrawny friend were all to happy to step forward when Steve offered it to them.

“Are you Thor?” The kid shouted at Steve, eyes wide with awe. “Mister, are you THOR?”

“Peter, you can’t ASK people if they’re Thor!” Peggy heard Ned admonish as they waddled away, dragging a giant stuffed bear between them. “What if he’s UNDERCOVER?”

Laughing, Peggy looked back at a still embarrassed Steve. “Well, is it time I collected on my winnings? I think I fancy a hot dog for lunch.”

All ten registers at the boardwalk Nathan’s were stacked at least twenty people deep. Peggy couldn’t quite make out the menu board from so far back, but Steve’s super-soldier eyesight was helpful in that endeavor.

“Two fifty for a hot dog?” Steve sputtered, incredulous. Several people turned to stare, Peggy included.

“We’ve been out to eat before, Steve. You know what things cost now.” This wasn’t the first time they’d had some version of this conversation, but she’d thought he had finally accepted the changes inflation had wrought over the past seventy-odd years.

He looked at her, then back at the menu plastered with colorful photos. “It’s just, the last time I ate a hot dog here, it cost me my last nickel.” He shook his head. “Bucky wound up sharing his lemonade with me ’cause I couldn’t afford a drink.”

Peggy grabbed his hand and laced her fingers with his. He gave her that lopsided smile again and she felt a sympathetic pang in her heart.

“Sorry, I’m doing it again. We’re here now and the sun is shining, right?”

Peggy tipped her chin up and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “It’s a good day.”

Still, he’d drawn the line at buying himself more than a single hot dog and a small lemonade. Peggy rolled her eyes and ordered herself all the food she fancied, including the chilli cheese fries. Steve grumbled a bit but he didn’t welch on their bet.

He polished off his lunch in no time flat, then snuck fries off of Peggy’s plate when her hands were full of the burger she’d ordered. He stopped after she glared at him, because he knew better than to get overly familiar with Peggy’s food if she hadn’t offered. Eventually, slowed down a bit after the hamburger, hot dog and giant lemonade, she gave him a few more fries of her own accord.

Though it was past noon, the day seemed to just keep getting hotter. Steve suggested they duck into the small museum, but they were chased off by an overzealous docent who spouted one too many incorrect facts about the time period Steve had grown up in. Peggy suggested they try some of the rides, instead.