#also said 'no cuts no bruises smells good or pass'

[karda]

ladys order had peaches with tbe note 'not hard not squishy ' what the fuck else is there

[bitterbutblue]

our times

turns out, you're the fortune i want to keep most ☆ multi x reader

~ this is a multi x reader!! hatssun was talking about writing angst and i really said omg my turn! sorry hatssun ur idea was so good and it works so well w yukong and feixiao... ill credit u so hard bro i swear. WVERYONE BE PREPARED FOR WHEN THINK FAST DROPS🙏🙏🙏

UMM ALSO THE FEIXIAO ONE IS SOLONG FOR NO REASON LOTS OF DIALOGUE SORRYYYYY

characters: feixiao, yukong, ruan mei

 song: 小幸運 - Hebe Tian ~

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

i was too busy chasing shooting stars in the sky ☆ feixiao

The day Saran ran away, something in you ran with her. The day Saran ran away, you didn't know if you would ever see her face break into a smile again, or if you would see her hanging the next day. The trace of her slowly faded with time, but even when you finally had the guts to bolt for it she was still the only thing on your mind. That day, you didn't mind if you died running, because it would've been better than staying there but alive. You didn't mind if you died running, because you died with her on your mind.

God knows how many decades had passed since the Luofu took you in. You only count days in how much your heart ached for her. Eventually it dulls down, it goes from a sharp thud to a muted nudge every time you see a dash of silver hair in the crowd or a sharp but soft smile on Jing Yuan's lips. You've heard of how far she had gotten, and you wished it didn't hurt so much to hear about it. You forced yourself to forget about her, because you couldn't keep living every day haunted by her. You were finally able to live your days how you wanted to, even if it meant without her by your side.

"Yukong, can you run these by the general for me?"

You were absentmindedly sitting at your desk, filling in whatever forms the general had sent to you about all the legality things they had to sort out for the Wardance. You spin your pen, signing your name down and ticking the last of the boxes. You huffed at the lack of response from the woman who should be sitting across from you.

"Yukong?"

"She's not here."

You look up at the sound of the unfamiliar voice, and the world decides to take a break for a moment. In that small fraction of a second you feel yourself going back in time for decades until you are standing face to face with the young foxian, bruised and battered with an undying flame in her eyes. She is now much taller, her face pale but not the sickly kind that she harboured before. Her eyebags faded, hair flowing as if it had been just washed- a sight you never saw before in those camps.

She looked healthy, she had everything she wanted.

So why did she look like she was about to break down in front of you?

It wasn't fair.

"Saran?"

She only nods, standing with her arms by her side like a fool who doesn't know how to speak. She clears her throat, moving to cross her arms so she looked less awkward standing in front of you.

She wears clean clothes, she smells of petals.

Her scent of blood long faded, but you feel the pain behind her stance.

"How have you been?" Is all she asks as she eyes your desk warily, as if not knowing how to approach the conversation.

"Well. You?"

"Good enough."

Your old banter had long faded now, your previous ability to make each other laugh despite knowing the imminent death that looms over you two every day.

"Neergul died."

"I know."

"I'm sorry."

It's like talking to a wall, or to just a mirrored version of yourself with how either of you refuse to look at each other.

"I never knew if you died or not until I came here."

Your shaky voice finally cuts the tension that has been simmering for far too long. She swallows, looking up and you know she is holding back tears because she has only ever looked up when the night sky is open and she can see the stars that granted her hope.

"I found out you became general. I was happy for you."

She says nothing.

"Why didn't you reach out?"

The edge to your voice has her breath knocked out of her lungs for a second as she tries to formulate an answer. She tries to weave incoherent thoughts and jumbles of emotions into a sentence and it's much harder to be done than she realised.

"I couldn't."

Of course she couldn't. Why would she admit to you how much of a coward she was? Knowing she had abandoned you after kissing you goodnight that evening.

"Why?"

But you want answers. It's not every day your presumed dead lover comes back to see you after years and years of crying yourself to sleep and hoping that in another future you could be in her arms without having to fear for your life.

"I was scared."

The general cannot be scared, or show any signs of fear in any situation- especially emotional situations where they need to stay calm so that people can feel secure around her but right now it all falls apart.

"Of who?"

"You."

"Why?"

You really did not like to raise your voice but you couldn't help it- she infuriates you. From the moment she flooded your heart you realised why love and hate go hand in hand because you hate that you love her.

"Why now?"

"I don't know."

Is all she manages to stutter out after an incredulous minute of silence and you just sigh.

"Why didn't you come find me?"

Her question has you going speechless now.

You were a hypocrite.

"I don't know."

She just nods with an unreadable expression on her face.

"I don't regret what I did that night."

You squeeze your now-fisted hand tight, taking a deep breath in to try to not only steady your voice but calm your racing heart that threatens to beat so hard it shatters in your chest.

"But why? Why make me love you for decades if you never planned to return?"

"I wanted to return. I always did."

Her words come out much more rushed than she intended it to come out. You feel your world shatter in that moment as you speak your next words.

"You never moved on?"

She steps closer.

"I dreamt about you every night. Under the sea of the shooting stars."

You shake your head, quickly wiping away at your own tears and she has to take a sharp breath in so her tears don't fall.

"Don't say that." You whisper "We can't. Please."

She looks at you, more intensely than ever as her voice quivers.

"Why?"

You shake your head.

"It'll only hold us back."

You still adorn matching scars from the torture you both had gone through in those camps. She is the scar on your heart, and you are the scar on hers.

"We can't." Is all you say.

She turns around and you want to pull her into your arms, you want her to be able to look at you but from that moment on, the look on her face as you ended what it was and what it could’ve been would be the face you see every night you close your eyes.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

somewhere in the sky i could not see, was you ☆ yukong

The evening Caiyi died in her arms, Yukong vowed to never see the skies again. That was the same evening you went missing, the same evening she breaks down because how can she lose two of what she loved most in her life within the blink of an eye? The reason for her to wake up every morning, the reason she smiled even through the roughest of the days- now faded into nothing but memory and a distant bitter taste in her mouth.

You were not presumed dead, only missing. The false sense of hope had Yukong staying at her desk for hours every day, going through files and files, records upon records to try and maybe find some trace of you somewhere but after years of searching she finally gave up. She had to care for Qingni for Caiyi, she had to keep loving you because if she doesn't then she feels like she's lost herself.

It was the day Qingni flew to the skies when she finally looked up once more. She looks to the planes to see her daughter flying the same path that doomed her from wanting to live but the sky was the reason she had the two people who made life worth living. It was that day a plane crashed and Yukong felt the familiar, sickening feeling from decades ago as she runs to the sight. She's panicked, flustered, heart racing and feeling like throwing up as she pushes past crowds amongst crowds-

She doesn't know if she should scream or sigh in relief when they pull the lifeless-looking figure out of the starskiff. The model was old, the same she used in the war where she lost....

You. The figure they pulled out was you and she feels like she's going to be sick. She runs up to them, asking if you're okay and the medics are telling her to back off but she needs to know. She puts her head down, ear against your chest and almost sobs when she hears your heart thud weakly. It's so soft she really could've missed it but she hears it.

"Oh baby..."

She whispers as she cradles your head on her lap.

She sits by your side in the hospital until you wake up. She doesn't move, doesn't eat or drink or anything unless Qingni drags her to the bathroom or to the cafeteria. She holds your hand weakly, squeezing it every once in a while to see if you'd respond.

A cough jolts her awake and she quickly scans the dark, dimly lit room to find you- blinking weakly as you scan the room wearily.

"Oh, oh my god."

She quickly gets off her chair, rushing by your side.

"Are you okay? How are you feeling? Nurse-"

"Yukong."

She never thought she'd hear her name fall from your lips, to hear her name mumbled out so softly and hoarsely again.

"I'm here, I'm right here."

You don't say anything as you close your eyes, taking in a deep but pained breath as you close your eyes. She can feel her hands go cold, trembling violently as she tries to calm herself down. Her fingertips feel like they've been dipped in ice water and her throat feels like its closing up violently.

"You're here."

Yukong couldn't help the sob that escapes her lips at your words.

"Yes, yes baby. I'm right here."

The tears are already falling before she can even bother trying to control them, and she can already feel herself slipping away when you smile softly at her because she had always been a fool for you. She put the whole world down for you and she would lift it up for you if you needed it to be lifted again.

"I- I came back."

"You did, you did baby, you're back." She whispers, finally moving to take your hand in hers. You feel so much smaller, your hand much rougher than it used to be and when she finally takes in how scarred you are she feels like breaking down.

"Wanted to see you..." you whisper weakly, voice shaking as you look directly into her eyes.

Your eyes were nothing like the eyes she used to look at every night before she drifted off to sleep. Now they were hollow, every trace of who you once were has faded into the past that only resides through her dreams.

You were back, but you'd never really be back.

She just squeezes your hand gently as she tells herself it's okay, telling herself that you're physically here and you were somehow still alive and that's all she's been praying for since the day you fell.

So why does it hurt so much?

If all she's ever wanted was to have you back in her arms, why does it hurt so much to have you back now? Looking at her with a smile that no longer meets your eyes and a sense of coldness washing over her like a suffocating blanket every time she sees you.

She still loves you.

She still loves you and it hurts that her lover has died, reincarnated into a broken version of who she once loved. But she doesn't care. She will learn to live with the cold if it means being able to hold you once more. She would spend as long as she needs, puzzling every piece of you back together until you are able to smile at her without the history of all that happened haunting your every waking move.

She vowed, from that moment on, she'd start looking at the sky again because the sky brought you back. Every evening she stares up at the moon, watching it dim the lights to another day, and whisper her gratefulness to have her lover back. Every evening, she brings you out to look at the moon, the same moon you looked at during the two decades apart where the only thing you had together was the moon draped in the sky that she was too scared to look at.

"I love you."

You just lean your head against her chest.

You just listen to her heartbeat, and with each thud the cracks in your body begin to renew themselves- you would never be who you were, but you would always love her.

"I love you too."

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

every scene was you ☆ ruan mei

The day she left, she vanished. No note, no text, nothing. Ruan Mei had become nothing but a shadow on earth when she decided to leave your house and you questioned if it was even worth searching for her at that point.

She had always been obsessed with aeonhood, aeons, power- whatever. You knew she was. Yet you still loved her for it, and she always promised you that one day you two would be able to love each other for eternity, for as long as you wanted to and until time itself faded into nothing but what was a mere idea of the past. She held you close that evening when she promised you, your head resting on her chest as she wrapped her arms around you.

A week later, she vanishes.

Lab empty, notes packed away, it was like as if your house had gone back in time to before you met her with how empty it all was. You called her number, texted her phone, contacted everyone she knew which was not a lot but you still tried because you loved her.

The day she revealed herself as the 81st member of the genius society, you felt your entire being shatter into pieces of who it once was. That was why she left you. Ultimately, Ruan Mei was selfish, and she had always been a selfish person.

You were foolish for loving her.

But you couldn't stop.

By the time you finally encountered her again, your history had become just a speck of dust in her mind but it was still your reason for hurt. It was still the reason why getting out of bed was a bit harder and why looking in the mirror hurt just a bit more than it should.

"Oh, it's you."

Her monotonous voice has you wanting to squeeze her throat, strangle her until she can't speak but you don't move. You stare at her, her lack of reaction, her poker face and you just swallow.

"How are you?"

That was the only sentence you could manage out and if you looked closely enough, you could see her eye twitch slightly as her throat tightens- her composure begins breaking at the sound of your voice.

"Well." She nods. She sounds too composed to you despite all the pain she is desperately trying to hide. She hates you for making her feel this way. She hates how weak she feels when you make that face at her, when your eyes widen and your mouth tightens into a line, body tense and breathing shallow. "You?"

She notices how your body tenses even more at that question, how your eyebrows begin to furrow as your face grows pink from anger.

"Not very good."

"Oh."

Her response had you fuming even more. How she was so careless and thoughtless towards you and how you felt drove you off the walls. She doesn't give a shit about you, why would she even ask?

Because you don't see the guilt that eats away at her heart every night as she stares at the photo of you that she has on her bedside table.

"Congratulations. You did it. Genius society."

It came out bitter and harsh, and Ruan Mei doesn't flinch but she feels this twist in her gut that's too unfamiliar and too painful for her to fully register. She doesn't understand this feeling. She wants to, because she wants to know how to stop it.

"Thank you."

You scoff at her response, physically unable to stop yourself from rolling your eyes as you stepped closer to her, jabbing a finger into her chest.

"You're a fucking bitch."

She hates how her heart leapt at the feeling of your touch, she hates how your words actually manage to hurt her when it really shouldn't be affecting her at all. She's been called so much worse, so why does this, coming from you, hurt so much?

"Is this because I left?"

How can she be so dense?

"You left without saying a word! You just disappeared off the face of the earth, I don't hear from you saying where you are. I don't know what happened, I thought I did something wrong, but no- I remember who you are. A narcissistic bitch who only cares about herself."

The last part hurt more than it should've.

"I don't only care about myself."

You can't help but falter at how soft her voice suddenly goes as she looks down, not making eye contact as she shifts her bodyweight from foot to foot.

"I really cared for you."

Those words shouldn't affect you. You should've moved on from what happened almost twenty years ago now but you can't. You just stare at her and you hate how you feel tears start to form in your eyes as you blink violently, trying to hold it back.

"Don't say that to me."

She goes silent.

"I hate you."

She looks down and you don't see the tears that well up in her eyes.

"I really hope you succeed. I hope you get everything you've ever wanted."

She doesn't even get to see your face for the last time, because by the time she finally gets the courage to look up you were already gone. Your last words to her haunt her every time she begins her studies, or every time she tries to focus on figuring out creating a new life species. She knows you didn't mean it, yet she can't help but want you to notice her just one last time.

Maybe this time, she could fulfil her long broken promise to you.

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────

@44rtem idk ifthis is the ruan mei content u wanted... but here u go <3

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Of All The Places to Meet

Summary: When the reader gets into a bad accident, she doesn’t expect to meet her true mate at the same time...

Pairing: Alpha/Firefighter!Dean x Omega!reader

Word Count: 2,500ish

Warnings: language, car accident, major injury

A/N: Enjoy!

_______

“She’s fucking jammed in there good. We need to cut her out.” You blinked open your eyes slowly, very aware of how…off the world seemed. Your head was killing you, that was for sure. Something about the fact you were upside down in your car told you that had something to do with it.

Lazily you turned your head at the scent of vanilla and tobacco, humming at the pleasant smell in the otherwise metallic and burnt rubber scented air. Beside you, crawled in your passenger window on his back, laying on top of your roof was a pair of gorgeous green eyes staring back.

“She’s awake!” called the man, his attention on you the whole time. “Hey, sweetheart. You were in an accident. I’m gonna get you out of here.”

“Smell pretty,” you murmured, fighting off the urge to pass out again. “I’m gonna…”

“Miss. Miss, try to-”

Dean’s POV

“Fuck, she’s out cold again,” I said. I could see where her door was pinned against her left side. It’d be a miracle if she hadn’t shattered her hip or femur. My stomach churned once more, hands gripping the center console that was partially cracked and pushed forward. 

This was not how this was supposed to happen. You don’t meet your true mate in a goddamn car wreck when she’s critically injured. You just don’t.

And now there was another problem.

Alpha’s were notoriously protective of their mates, especially true mates. That instinct skyrocketed when they were injured, even something as small as a cut thumb.

Seeing, smelling, my true mate when she was broken and battered and hurt out of her mind?

Yeah, there was no way I was going to be able to physically get away from this little omega.

“Winchester! Let the medic get in there and we’ll work on getting the driver's door off,” called Benny. My gut said to stay but I also knew she needed someone more qualified than me to attend to her at this moment. Reluctantly, I climbed out and ran around to the outside of the car, a few guys already working on ripping the metal apart.

“She’s got the neck brace on!” called the EMT. “We’re ready for whenever she’s loose.”

Twenty minutes later we finally had the door off, a backboard slipped underneath her and she was being pulled out of the vehicle.

The EMT’s packed her up and somehow she wasn’t bleeding out. There was always the chance for internal injuries though. I wandered over to the back of the ambulance, climbing into the back much to the displeasure of the two EMT’s.

“What the hell are you doing Dean?” said Benny. I chucked my helmet at him, Benny barely catching it. “De-“

“She’s my true mate. I can’t…I need to go.” He sighed but nodded. 

“Let him ride with you. I’ll pick him up at county later. Dean?” I nodded as they started to close the doors. “Listen to the doctors and stay out of their way. That’s how you can keep her safe.”

I nodded as they shut the doors, my focus going to the woman strapped to the stretcher. She looked so broken, covered in blood and scrapes.

I squeezed her hand, a gentle twitch of her finger in my palm. 

“You’ll be okay, Omega. I promise.”

Reader’s POV

You blinked open your eyes slowly, grateful this time you were right side up. The bed was soft and warm even if your body felt achy. A buzz was thrumming through your veins as you looked down, the drugs in your system keeping you calm as you took in the sight. 

Your entire left leg was bruised. Literally every spec of skin was bruised. 

And then you saw the monstrous contraption encasing it, pins holding your thigh in place. Beeping rang through the room as your heart rate shot up, eyes fixated on your wiggling toes.

“Okay. Okay, I can still walk,” you breathed out, inhaling deeply. “Hopefully.”

A wave of exhaustion hit as the door opened, an Alpha!nurse walking inside. “Well good evening Y/N! How are we feeling?”

“Shitty.” You frowned and closed your eyes again.

“Do you remember what happened?” he asked, checking the monitors and then bending your arms. 

“Uh. I was driving on the highway and then I woke up here,” you said, nose twitching. “Something smelled pretty.”

He just hummed and checked your leg that wasn’t secure, offering you a smile. “I’m going to check a few things and then I’ll bring the doctor in.”

An hour later you were laying back in bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to wrap your head around everything the doctor had said. Intensive physical therapy would be needed for months and even then your leg may never be a hundred percent again. You had a concussion and wouldn’t be able to drive a car for six months most likely. You’d need to take a leave of absence from work. Although that one might not be that bad actually considering how stressful it’d been lately.

On top of all that, apparently there was some creeper Alpha firefighter hanging out in the waiting area. 

Waiting for you.

Because your day hadn’t been unsettling enough as it was.

Before long you were fast asleep, hoping that tomorrow you’d wake up and find out this was just a nightmare.

“Good morning Y/N!” said your nurse, Alfie. You twitched your eye, not deterring his chipper mood one bit. “Feeling any better today?”

“We’re going to have problems if you’re always this bubbly when I wake up, Alfie,” you grumbled, sighing as pain shot up your leg. “If you could just do me a favor and cut off my leg, that’d be appreciated.”

“Oh, don’t be drastic, Y/N. I know the doctor wants to wean you off the pain medicine as soon as possible but it shouldn’t be that bad.”

“Did he shatter his femur yesterday? No? When he does he can talk to me about taking away my pain meds,” you said, hitting the button for morphine but nothing coming out. “Alfie. I need something.”

“The doctor gave strict orders to have you on only over the counter-”

“It fucking hurts!” you shouted, surprised at how agitated you were. Normally you were always kind and polite to strangers. But this? You were in pain and you didn’t have the patience to be a socially acceptable human being today.

Alfie looked sympathetic but his reply was cut off when a man with disheveled hair and dirty clothes came barging in the room. Strike that. The creeper Alpha firefighter that was stalking you outside was suddenly barging in the room.

“What are you doing to her?” he spat out, venom in every word. You could hear him audibly growl as he stalked over to Alfie, the poor Alpha shrinking back like he was an Omega cornered in a dark alley.

“Hey! Get out of…” you paused when you caught his scent. The heart rate monitor beeped dangerously fast, both of them turning to you. The scary Alpha firefighter suddenly made you calm, his scent giving off clear signals.

Relax Omega. You’re safe and protected.

“You can’t be in here,” said Alfie as he got his wits back. He grabbed the firefighter, shrieking when the man growled so loud it sounded like he’d gone feral. 

“Alfie’s right,” you said, pain filling your heart as you breathed deeply. You had no idea who this Alpha was but you knew his instincts were in overdrive. “You’re filthy and this is an ICU. Go home and clean yourself up. Come back this afternoon and we’ll talk then. That’s an order, Alpha.”

“Yes, omega,” he said softly, nodding once. “Are you okay?”

“Later, Alpha.” He apologized briefly to Alfie before leaving, Alfie relaxing when his scent went with him. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t know how you got him to believe you like that. He was this close to snapping.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s my true mate.” Alfie raised his eyebrow and cocked his head.

“We can do a blood test. And make him take one too before we let him back in. On second thought, that’s absolutely happening.”

You raised a hand, wincing as pain pulsated through your leg. “Tell him I asked him to please take the test so he doesn’t take it out on the staff. Please.”

“Will do.” He paused as he exited the room. “I’ll talk to the doctor about your pain meds, see if we can make the steps down not so drastic.”

“Thanks Alfie.”

You were tired when you woke up after lunch and physical therapy. So much so you could barely open your eyes. You wouldn’t think you could be all that physical with a damn broken femur but after they moved and worked you to the point of shouting, you’d changed your mind quickly.

A large, calloused hand stroked your cheek, wiping away a stray tear that fell. The air smelled sweet, like pine and vanilla. “Omega. How can I help the pain?”

“You being here helps,” you murmured, his long fingers brushing away more tears. You squeezed your eyes when pain ripped through you. “They say I don’t need the morphine but I only can sleep today when I’m exhausted from the pain. I don’t know how I’m supposed to get through this.”

“With me, Omega. I’ll talk to the doctors. You were injured only a day ago. They must  have missed something if it hurts so badly.” He bent down and kissed your temple, your eyes fluttering open. “Please don’t worry. I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

You stared up into his green eyes, surprised to find him smiling at you. “Why are you so handsome?”

“Makes up for my lack of singing ability,” he chuckled. He brushed your hair behind your ear, his scent coming off in powerful waves to soothe you. “I’m sorry for scaring you earlier. I know you don’t quite know me but I was one of the responders to your accident and when I scented you…my instincts went a little crazy.”

“It’s alright,” you whispered, a flash of pain rising up again. “Can you find the doctor?”

“Yes Omega,” he murmured. “Try to rest.” He got up from the nearby seat and hummed. “I’m Dean.”

“Y/N,” you said, shutting your eyes once more.

“I’ll make it better Y/N. I promise.”

Two Weeks Later

“Hey,” said Dean when he entered your hospital room. “I heard you’re getting discharged today.”

You grumbled from bed, wearing one of his fire station hoodies. He pulled the curtains open, smiling wide as you tugged the hood up. 

“Aren’t you excited to be getting out of here?” He had a point. You were happy to be leaving, with some pain medication too. But your leg was still incredibly fucked and you couldn’t go back to your apartment. Not when it was on the third floor. Dean luckily lived in a ranch style but you hated imposing on him.

“I wish I didn’t have to move in with you.” His smile fell as you groaned. “I meant like this. Because I’m hurt and can’t be alone. I wish we could be like a normal pair of mates.”

“Hey,” he said. He sat on the edge of the bed by my good leg, lightly stroking over the bonding gland in my neck. “We are normal. We just need to practice a bit more patience than other true mates.”

“You mean how I can’t have sex for months until my leg is healed. It’s going to drive both of us crazy to wait.”

“We can bond, just without the knotting. We’re already scent bonded and as long as we don’t stay away from each other for too long-“

“You mean an hour tops? You’re stuck by my side for the next three months minimum. I might not walk correctly again. I might always-“

He put his hand over your mouth, annoyance rising in your veins. 

“I’m your Alpha, even if you don’t bear my mark yet. I never want to hear you say you think I’m stuck with you. Being with you is the only thing I could ever want. We will figure this out and I will not mate you until you are fully recovered. Am I clear, Omega?”

The use of your title from his lips sent fuzzy, calming feelings throughout your body, your head nodding without thinking. Large fingers gently stroked your cheek, a soft hum escaping him.

“Are you ready to go home with me?” 

“Okay, Alpha. You can take me home.”

“You all set?” asked Dean later that evening. You were in bed, leg propped up on some pillows. Dean had spent the day with you, helping you get discharged and set up his house so it was a bit more friendly for you to get around in. 

“As good as I can be,” you said, watching him disappear into the closet, returning in a fire station shirt and a pair of skinny black joggers. “You have work?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “No, no. Just getting comfy for the night. I can order us some food. I’m sure you’re starving.”

“A little,” you said, Dean sitting beside you, urging you to curl into his side. “Thank you for helping me that day. The accident.”

“It’s my job, sweetheart,” he said, pressing a gentle kiss to your temple. “I’m just happy you’re still here. You got lucky.”

“Hell of a way to meet your mate.” He hummed, quietly stroking your bare arm with the tips of his fingers. “I’m really glad I’m not doing this on my own.”

“You’ll never be on your own ever again, Omega. I promise.”

“I know, Alpha. My leg might never heal the same way but at least I got one good thing out of this situation.” He smiled, brushing your hair behind your ear. “This comfy ass bed.”

He rolled his eyes with a smirk, kissing the top of your head before he got up. “Alright. With that, I’m off to go be your manly Alpha and hunt down some food for us.”

“You mean order takeout?” you teased. He tossed a pillow at you, laughing lightly.

“For that I’m ordering pineapple on the pizza.” You dropped your jaw, Dean laughing a bit harder, his scent the calmest you’d ever smelled it. “I’m kidding. I’m not deranged.”

“Good cause true mates or not, that is not happening,” you said. 

“Glad we can agree on it,” he said. “What about a supreme?”

“Now we’re talking,” you said. He left the room with a nod, returning a few minutes later with a soft smile. “What?”

“Nothing. Just really glad to finally have found you. It’s…easy with you.”

You knew what he meant, patting the spot next to you. He returned to your side with a smile, pulling you to rest against his chest. His scent filled the air, a relaxed cozy feeling settling in your bones.

“Yes, yes it is Alpha,” you said, taking a deep inhale, exhaling slowly. “It absolutely is.”

________

[moosesarecute]

Part 11: The Shadows Sing

Part 10 Part 12

Azriel had almost let out a laugh of relief when he realized your shadows had been following them the entire time.

Somehow the group of rogue illyrans, that was way bigger than what they first thought, had managed to sneak up on them. They were armed with arrows filled with faebane and Cassian and Azriel soon realized they didn’t have a chance.

By being caught, they also got a better chance of knowing exactly what the illyrans wanted.

Power.

They wanted power.

Azriel and Cassian had been beaten pretty badly by the time your shadows dared to come save the day. They quickly and quietly untied them and shadow walked them to the training clearing he and Y/N usually used.

“Good job,” he told them exhausted.

Unfortunately for him, he felt his vision go blurry as he tried to stand up.

“Can you get us to Y/N? We need help,” he said before he passed out.

Azriel opened his eyes and relaxed completely as he realized he was in your bed. He looked up at the hole in your roof you usually had covered, today it wasn’t. Your smell was so comforting, he could have stayed there the rest of his life, if it wasn’t for his brother that looked upon him like he would explode by lack of patience.

“You have a secret girlfriend that’s also a shadowsinger???” Cassian almost yelled at him.

Azriel felt his heart beat faster at the thought of you being his girlfriend. However, he knew it was a while until you could trust him enough to be in a relationship.

“She’s just a friend,” Azriel said. “And be quiet. It’s supposed to be a secret.”

Cassian definitely didn’t believe him when he said you were only a friend. He probably didn’t sound too convincing, he didn’t want to be. He didn’t want to be just your friend.

Azriel looked around your cabin and noticed the lack of shadows. He knew that his would be gone a little longer because of the faebane. But it wasn’t usual for you to leave home and bringing all of your companions.

“Where is she?”

“She left almost immediately after she had attacked me and we had gotten you inside,” Cassian explained.

Azriel remembered the times you had stormed out of your home to get away from him. You probably had done something similar when Cassian arrived.

“So she didn’t say anything about where she was going?”

“Nope, she just grabbed some chicken and left.”

Azriel felt himself freeze a little. You had grabbed some chicken and left. You had won the chicken. By bringing it with you, Azriel knew that you were going to trade it.

He let his head fall back and let out a sigh. You were too kind for this world. You were too kind for the life you were living.

Suddenly, your shadows came into your cabin. Immediately scanning Azriel for new bruises. They clung tight onto the skin where his cuts were the deepest.

You weren’t far behind.

Azriel couldn’t hold back as he stood up from your bed and embraced you the second you walked through the door.

You relaxed a little in his arms, but you were still more tense than usual, probably because of Cassian.

He had missed holding you, missed being close to you. He gave you a last squeeze and let go.

“You won the chicken,” he stated.

He watched you bite your lip as the smile grew on your face.

He looked down on the bottle you held in your hand. Faebane anecdote. He then looked at your bruised nose and scanned the rest of your body. Your left wrist definitely wasn’t looking good and you stood with your weight leaning onto your right foot and not equally between your foot and prosthetic as you had been practicing.

“You fought for the anecdote and lost the chicken?” He said it was a question but already knew the answer.

He hated the way your smile faded.

You lifted his hand and gave him the anecdote. He saw the worry in your eyes.

“I only have one dose. You should probably take it, so that you can get away the fastest possible,” you said. For the next part you looked directly into his eyes. “It’s not safe here.”

“You know something.”

You gave a short nod. Azriel understood the sign. You couldn’t tell him, not now at least.

Azriel shifted his attention towards Cassian.

“You’re okay with me taking the anecdote?”

“Yeah,” he answered. “We should get home before Rhys gets worried.”

He knew they should, but he absolutely didn’t want to leave you. He had been away from you for so long and then he was only able to see you for a few minutes.

He hesitated as he drank the anecdote. It tasted awful, but worked fast. He felt his shadows returning, but they couldn’t care less about him.

They clung to you, pressed themselves deep into your neck and hair, held around your waist and the ones that wasn’t with you, danced around with your shadows.

He had to use a lot of force to get them away from you.

“I’ll be back later today,” Azriel told you. “Stay home and relax for the rest of the day, please. You’re hurt too.”

He didn’t wait for you to answer as he walked over to Cassian and transported them to Velaris. He knew that if he waited any longer, he wouldn’t be able to leave. But he left a shadow with you.

The three brothers sat in Rhys’ office in total silence.

They had known that the illyran rebelled more after the war, but they hadn’t expected this. Over 30 illyrans had captured Azriel and Cassian.

They knew that the group could grow quickly.

“But you don’t know how they knew you were there?” Rhys asked them once more. They both shook their heads. Rhys now looked directly at Azriel. “Can you figure it out? Send in some spies?”

Azriel was confused about the entire thing. It wasn’t usual for people to be able to sneak up on him.

Mostly of all he thought about you. Rogue illyrans that lived in the same woods that you did made him going crazy with worry.

“I might already have someone there,” Azriel said. “I just have to talk to her.”

He wanted to leave. He wanted to get to you, hold you for a few hours and then figure out what you knew.

He had gotten information from his shadow that he left with you that you were okay, but exhausted.

Cassian knew who he was talking about, but he didn’t say anything.

“When can you get to her?” Rhys asked.

“Whenever, but it’ll take time.”

“Go now,” Rhys ordered.

Azriel didn’t need to be told twice.

Azriel felt the disappointment fill his body when he got to your home and you weren’t there.

You were hurt! You needed to rest. Azriel needed you to rest. He needed to know you would be alright.

“Can you find her?”

“She’s on her way home,” his shadows answered. “She knows you’re here.”

Azriel first now noticed your shadow that was standing in the corner of your cabin. Your shadows were so light, he didn’t always see them.

He found it comforting to know you could easily sneak up on people.

“Outside.”

You opened the door seconds later. You walked in and laid a dead bunny on the table without looking at him. You were almost dragging your prosthetic against the ground as you walked.

“Y/N?”

Azriel moved slowly towards you, but you didn’t acknowledge him. You only gazed down at the table.

Azriel stopped as he stood directly behind you, only a few centimeters apart.

“Y/N?”

He then heard it. It was so quiet, but still so heartbreaking. Your sobs tore Azriel’s heart apart.

“Y/N, lovely,” he said. “Come here.”

He couldn’t hold himself back as he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around your waist. You moved the second he touched you and Azriel almost let go of you, but to his relief, you only turned around to face his chest.

Your sobs grew and even though Azriel did his best to comfort you, you were shaking in his arms.

“Shhhh,” Azriel coed. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

He slowly moved the both of you towards your bed and sat you down, your prosthetic was still dragging against the floor. His arms were still around your waist as you tucked your head into his neck. You tried to get control over your breathing, but failed. You were hyperventilating. Azriel knew he had to do something.

But before he could, he almost fell down at the emotions that hit him. Fear, stress, anxiety, rage and pain was only a few of them, but strongest of them all was terror. He felt himself wanting to sob, he couldn’t stop the tears that fell from his eyes.

These were your emotions.

You had opened the bond between them. Azriel was almost completely sure you didn’t mean to. He felt both happy that you opened to him and also mad, so incredibly mad, that you were bearing this much. He wanted to take it all and change it with happiness.

“I lied when I told you I was curious about the naga on the battlefield,” he started. Azriel was a male of few words and his words was usually thoughtfully picked out, but not now, not with you. He felt like he could speak from his heart and soul. So he would. “It was you I was curious about.”

He felt you stop shaking for a few moments before it started again. The initial terror that surrounded all your feelings started to weaken.

“In the beginning, I didn’t think much about it, but then I started to dream and I was captured. Your eyes was the only thing a could think about.”

Your breath evened out a little. Something new bloomed in the mountain that was your emotions.

“I felt myself going crazy not knowing who you were. So I looked all over. I spent months trying to find you in all the courts. You’re a female that’s hard to find.”

You let out a little laugh that was hidden in a few sniffs. The new feeling grew stronger. It was comfort, Azriel realized, you felt comforted.

“I went so far that I asked Rhys and Cass about the naga on the battlefield. Rhys sent me in your direction and I have never been happier.”

Your sobs turned into soft crying. The strongest anxiety had disappeared. He looked down at you and dried some of your streaming tears. Your eyes were closed.

“You’re amazing, lovely. These two weeks away from you have been awful. I’ve been going crazy not knowing if you’re okay. Please be okay.”

He dried his own tears this time.

“Master Raven…is working with…” you tried to talk, but your crying interrupted you. “He wants me to work with…I can’t, Az…I can’t.”

Azriel tightened his arms around you, both because your voice was so weak from crying and because you called him ‘Az’. You’d always call him Azriel. You would have gotten shocked by the amount of happiness and joy he had shown the first time his shadows said yours had called him ‘Azzy’. They had moved to call him ‘Master’, but he loved that they had their own names for him.

“Who, lovely? Who can’t you work with?” Azriel whispered as he asked you. He felt like he with one wrong move could send you back into panic.

“The illyrans,” you whispered.

Azriel was planning on letting you relax a little before he asked you more questions, but you had different plans. You abruptly stood up, still not walking properly on your prosthetic.

“He said they would give us money and safety,” you spoke so loud that both his and your shadows got frightened. “If we just helped them take down the High Lord. He said it was a good cause! A good cause to kill the male that saved your life every week for fifty fucking years!”

You stopped to take a breath and moved so that you looked directly at him. It was your ankle, he realized. Your ankle on the prosthetic didn’t have the mobility it usually did.

“I said no of course, you know I did right? I wouldn’t do that. I’m not helping the people that took my wings. Never, I would never.”

Azriel waited until you had finished speaking. He understood that you were finished, because you now had the emotional capacity to realize your side of the mating bond was open. You closed it immediately.

“How did they know where Cassian and I was? Do you know that?”

You looked at him for a few moments with wary eyes.

“Master Raven has a literal Raven,” you started. You were speaking slowly, almost like you thought through your every word. “He usually say that it is The Raven that is the leader and that he only is its messenger. I can’t say for sure, but I would guess it saw you and told the illyrans.”

“So what’s happening since you’re not helping the illyrans?”

You again spent a lot of time thinking. Azriel wished you felt safer around him.

“I get less money,” you answered.

“So you’ll have to hunt for your own food as well?” He asked.

You shook your head.

“All hunting goes to Master Raven, it’s one of the rules.”

“How many rules are there?”

“Many.”

Azriel felt lost. You would get less money and more enemies until they managed to stop the rogues. Azriel only found one solution that gave him peace.

“Come with me,” he said. He stood up from your bed. “Come with me to Velaris.”

Your eyes were the widest he had ever seen them. To his horror you eventually shook your head.

“Please, Y/N,” he said, trying his best not to beg too hard. “I’ll protect you. You’ll be safe! You won’t need to fear these people anymore. I promise.”

You continued to shake your head. Your eyes didn’t meet his, they were looking straight at the wall behind him. You were lost in thoughts.

“I promise you,” Azriel repeated as he lifted his arms to touch yours.

You backed away.

Azriel realized he had ruined it. What ever was between you was now gone.

“I can’t,” you whispered. “I can’t be dependent on, be in debt to, more people.”

Azriel was going to protest. You were never going to be in debt to him for letting him protect you! He would have loved that! He wished for that. He longed to be able to love you, help you, protect you and be with you.

“You should leave,” you said.

“Y/N, please,” Azriel begged. “Let me help you.”

“You said you’d leave me alone if I told you to,” you said. “I’m telling you to leave.”

Azriel tried to step towards you once more, this time he got stopped by shadows, a mix of his and yours.

“Give her a break, master. She’ll come back to you later.”

He understood you had made up your mind. He knew he had screwed up like he always did.

As he shadow walked away, he didn’t miss the single tear that ran down your face.

@i-have-a-thing-for-the-dark @saltedcoffeescotch @rcarbo1 @mrsjna @kitsunetori @thecraziestcrayon @blessthepizzaman

[grace-mint]

A Fate Worse Than Death- Part 2

TW: Angst, mentions of torture and SA. Let me know if I miss anything.

Y'all I am so ready for this happy ending. (Spoilers: it will have a happy ending bc I can't read angst without happy endings). Also sorry it's a bit short, but I couldn't keep going without it getting way too long.

Rhysand hadn’t slept in three days. He could hardly eat or drink anything. He couldn’t get himself to care for himself, his main priority being the female lying in front of him. As much as his family tried, they couldn’t get him to eat. Only when Amren walked in and called him a ‘pathetic bastard,’ and stubbornly refused to leave until he ate, did he indulge her.

He sat in a chair in the corner of his and y/n’s shared room, far enough away from the bed, but close enough to keep an extremely close eye on her. He had smelled another male on her, dread sitting in his lower chest at the idea of what that may mean. Azriel had quickly captured her father, brothers, and the male he smelled after they found her, unconscious, and had them in his cells at the Court of Nightmares. He couldn’t get the image of Y/N out of his head. Her body was covered in blood, her arms and legs bruised and scabbed up, and her back. Cauldron her back. It was completely wrecked. Her wings were gone. It broke him to know that she lost an extension of herself. As anxious as he was for her to wake, he was grateful for the time it gave Madja to attempt to heal it. She told him it would scar, severely. The trauma her back endured from whips and knives. The trauma of her wings being cut out, in lieu of the faebane that was running through her system, was enough for her back to heal quite slowly. Madja had said it would take several weeks, if not months potentially, to fully heal. Her mind, Madja told him, was another topic entirely. Rhysand had known this, he would never expect her to bounce back from something like this. He cursed himself. Since she left for that mission he had cursed himself. 

She was fine for a day or two, keeping him updated through their bond. The third day rolled around, and instead of getting his usual ‘Good morning, my love,’ greeting he was used to, he was only greeted by silence. He didn’t think too terribly much of it, assuming she was busy, but when evening had passed and still no word from her, he began to really worry. A pit of unease sat in his stomach all night. He had tossed and turned, debating whether he should leave for the camp to make sure she was okay. He had talked himself out of it, telling himself he was being overprotective, and that she could take care of herself. And she could, she was a fighter, the strongest person he’d ever met. 

He told himself this again and again as he sat there in agony, watching his mate, who lay still on the bed. A knock at the door broke him from his trance. He looked up to see Azriel walking in. Az took a long look at the bed, a shadow covering his face, before he looked at his High Lord. Rhysand knew he must look like a wreck. Rightfully so. His mate had just gone through hell. No. She had gone through something worse than that, and here he was sitting, perfectly healthy, when he did nothing to protect her. 

“You need to get some sleep,” Azriel said softly. He was a man of few words, only knowing when the situation warranted it or he felt comfortable enough. “She wouldn’t want you to sit here, torturing yourself over this.” 

As much as he didn't want to think it, he knew Azriel was right. How could he help her recover from this… What could he even call it? Situation? Ailment? No, this was something much worse. This was the equivalent of a lost life. It was an Illyrian’s worst fear; their wings are sacred to them, and the lowest form of insult bestowed upon their race is defilement of their wings. Only a true monster could do something like this. Anger flared in his chest again, the thousandth time in these past few days, at the thought of her father. Even his father, cold as he might have been, would never even have the thought of using one’s wings against an Illyrian. He wanted to kill her father so bad. Better yet, he wanted to rip him apart, limb by limb. And here was Azriel, having the audacity to tell him to rest?

“Shut up, Az.” Rhysand snapped. “She’s just lost everything precious to her, and you are telling me to relax??” 

Azriel didn’t even flinch at the tone of his voice, instead he walked over and placed a hand on Rhysand’s shoulder. “She didn’t lose everything precious to her. She still has you. Take a bath at least brother. You deserve it.”

Rhysand sat for a few hours after Az left, his mind running a thousand miles a minute. Finally, with a sigh, he got up and grabbed some spare clothes, walking into the washroom. The bath, as usual, was already filled with steaming water. He looked at himself in the mirror. He did look rough. His face was pale and gaunt, deep bags underneath my eyes, and in the eyes Rhysand looked broken. Taking off his shirt, summoning his wings, he stretched them out to their full length. Rhysand stayed there for several minutes, imagining how life would be without them. He couldn’t. His soul revolted at the idea of losing them, and he quickly let them disappear, the ache in his chest growing. He knew Y/N was going to suffer greatly, she already had. Running a hand down his face, he undressed and slipped into the tub. The warm water felt wonderful, but he didn’t allow himself to enjoy it. Rhysand cursed himself, he was wallowing in self-pity. He was the most powerful High Lord in existence, blessed with the most beautiful, most intelligent, and the most perfect mate to ever live, and yet he was still too weak. 

Rhysand scolded himself once again, how could he be so pitiful when his mate is laying on their bed, still not awake. He got up from the bath, quickly toweled himself off, and got dressed. He walked back into the bedroom, hoping you might be awake, only to have that squashed by seeing you still sleeping. 

He sat back down in the chair he’d been living in. He would stay by your side until you woke up. 

----Y/N POV----

Hands were touching me, everywhere. They were running through my hair, down my front, my rear. I was screaming, or at least I was trying to. No sound was getting out. Panic wracked my chest, I was going to die. I was going to die right now. The hands kept exploring, and they reached my wings. Pulling on my wings. Pain sparked in my back where my wings were attached by powerful tendons and membrane. I yanked away, trying to escape. Not my wings, I screamed, the words still not escaping my throat. I shot upright, the screams finally tearing from my throat. I quickly tucked my wings around me, seeking their comfort. The dream was terrifying and all I wanted to do was to turn over to my mate and tuck myself in his powerful arms. But as I went to tuck in my wings, terror struck my whole being. I couldn’t feel my wings. I looked over my shoulder and saw nothing. Another blood curdling scream left my throat. I threw myself out of bed, attempting to run to the bathroom, but I couldn’t make it. I fell, my body off balanced without the comforting and natural weight of my wings. 

“MY WINGS. MY WINGS ARE GONE.” I sat on the floor, sobs wracking my body, the pain in my back that I started to feel was agonizing. I was dying. That was the only possible answer. 

“Shhhh, my love. It’s okay I’m right here.” I felt a hand on my cheek. I flinched away, throwing myself as far as possible from the touch. 

“Go away! Leave me alone! Don’t take anything more from me!” Sobs broke through each of my words, the syllabus coming out choked and teary. 

Y/N, darling, it’s me, it's Rhys. I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll stay on the other side of the room, but you must calm down. A voice struck through my jumbled thoughts. Rhysand. That was my mate. Yes, I’m your mate. Rhysand. You are in Velaris, in the townhouse. We are in our bedroom. 

I look up, seeing my mate in a chair across the room, like he said. His eyes were frantic and wild. He looked pale and distressed. “Rhysand?” 

“Yes, my heart. I’m right here.” He slowly stood up, walking over to me. “Can I help you up?” 

I nod, not finding the energy to answer. He slowly and carefully, with attention to avoid the searing pain in my back, picked me up. I don’t know how he knew where it was so painful, but I was eternally thankful as he set me back on the bed.

“Rhys, my wings are gone.” My voice cracked with my words. “Someone took my wings.”

“I know, I know. I’m going to make them pay severely. Your father will die the slowest and most painful death. I swear it to you.”

At his words, the memories came rushing back. My father, my brothers, the male who used me. My head snapped up to my mate. “You need to leave.” His face fell, “Leave? No, I don't want to leave you. You’ve been passed out for nearly 3 weeks. I can’t leave.”

“Get out. Go, I don’t want to see you,” as I said the words, my heart roared in protest. I wanted him to stay, but he couldn’t. He can’t see me like this, weak and a failure. 

“Y/N, please.” He begged.

“I won’t ask again, leave.” I spat the last word out. I saw him flinch, and I wanted to leap up and beg for forgiveness, but what would he think if I told him what I let them do to me. 

Rhysand, begrudgingly left, reluctance to leave evident on his face. I felt awful for kicking him out, but I needed to be alone, for his sake and mine. 

I slowly stood up, wobbling, and tried to walk to the bathroom. I almost lost my balance, before deciding to just say screw it and lowered myself to the floor. I crawled to the bathroom, placing my hands on the counter, heaving myself up. The sight in the mirror shocked me to my core. My face was extremely sunken in, my body frail and bony, and my wings. The absence of my wings was devastating. It felt utterly wrong. I was wrong. 

I stared at myself in the mirror for a very long time; I hated every second of it, but I couldn’t bear to take my eyes away. A knock on the doorframe forced me to wrench my eyes away. There stood Cassian. His eyes full of sorrow and anger. 

“I heard you were awake and wanted to come check on you.” His voice was soft, as if talking to a frightened child. I just stared at him in silence, before turning my gaze back to the mirror. What was the point of life anymore? I was robbed of any dignity I had left. From now on my life be pitiful looks and watchful eyes from those who knew me. 

“Stop looking at me like that.” I say, without turning to look at him. “Stop it. Stop treating at me like I’m an object about to break.” 

“It’s okay to break, Y/N. None of us will blame you. Whatever you need or want, we will be by your side. If you want to wallow, we will be there. You want to yell and scream? We’re there to take the brunt of it. If you want to burn the world down? We will be there to light the matches.” His words went in one ear and out the other. 

I looked at him once again, with no emotion in my eyes. I saw his wings poking out from behind his back and jealousy reared its ugly head in my chest. “Leave. You think you can just come in here and flaunt your wings around and act all high and mighty. You are nothing more than a bastard who crawls at his High Lord’s feet.” 

There wasn’t a single part of my soul that believed the words I spit at him. In fact, I hated myself for saying them, but I wanted him to feel just a fraction of the eternal soul crushing pain I was feeling at the moment. Cassian’s expression didn’t waver at all though, instead he just tilted his head to look at me. 

“Is that the best you can do? That all you got?” He was goading me on, and I knew it. But this conversation had exhausted me enough. “Goodbye Casssian, “ I said in dismissal. I didn't bother to see if he left, I simply turned my head back to look at the mirror, to look at the ugliest creature in the world. Me. 

----Rhysand POV----

Cassian walked back into the kitchen, his face grim. “She called me a bastard, said I crawled at your feet.”

“She doesn’t mean it,“ Rhysand said, somewhat softly. He knew Cassian didn’t believe 

her, but he wanted to remind him.

“I know. Just hurts to see her like this.” Cassian and Y/N have always had a wonderful

relationship. He was able to be the older brother she never got to have. 

Rhysand poured another shot of whiskey, handing it to his brother. “She kicked me out. You should have seen her when she woke up. She was terrified. She was terrified of me.” His voice was broken. Pain seeping into his words.

“She just needs time.” He knew Cassian was right, but the ache in his chest was overwhelming at this point. Not to mention that the bond had gone numb on his mate’s side. He knew it would be bad, and he was expecting this, but he just didn’t know how to help her.  “She was looking at herself in the mirror when I was up there.”

Rhysand looked over at his brother, “Can I see?” Cassian nodded his approval as Rhysand entered his mind, finding the interaction between Cassian and Y/N. The lack of emotion in her eyes and face was the most heartbreaking thing he had ever seen. She was so gaunt and thin. She was a shell of herself. And Rhysand would stop at nothing to help her find her way home to him and his family.

[sp00kycrumpet]

When Our Paths Cross Again. (Final).

Pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

Rating: E

Tags: Soft!Joel; pre-outbeak up till end of Season 1; no use of y/n; sometimes Ellie is the adult in the situation

Warnings: swearing; character death; spoilers (if you haven't watched the series/played the game)

Word count; 9,227 out of 22,020

Will also be posted on my AO3

Part One. Part Two.

Thank you so much for reading this fic. It's my first finished TLOU fic (I have a bunch more to finish and post) I hope you enjoyed it 🥺 Feel free to drop a message if you have ideas or just wanna chat! 🖤 On to the finale!!

At the house, you took the main bathroom while Ellie was in a guest room. You were almost tempted to stay under the hot water for hours, finally feeling clean and refreshing. Finally able to not have your hair tied back and knotty, finally shave your legs and have a moment to feel human again. Now clean, you could see bruising from your escapades and sleeping on rocks but it was nice to not feel grimy and smelly. You got changed into the clothes Maria left out for you and headed downstairs, finding Ellie standing in the living room.

"Hey, I knew there was a girl somewhere under that dirt." You teased as she glanced at you, she gave a little smile before glancing back at the chimney breast. Your eyes followed her eyeline and saw the little memory board for Sarah and who you assumed was Maria's son. You opened your mouth when you heard Maria come back into the house.

"I traded to get you both new coats. They might be a little big but, they're good." She handed them over, Ellie moaning about the colour as you nudged her and thanked Maria. Ellie was still on guard with the woman as she tried to make small talk, eventually convincing Ellie to let Maria cut her hair while you excused yourself to go for a walk, promising Ellie you'd be back soon. You just wanted to see the place for yourself and be in your own company for a moment. You shivered a little, your hair still damp but it was nice to feel clean. As you walked through town, a few people passing said hello like you'd always been there. In the middle of town, you found a crowd of people around a Christmas tree that had been recently put up and covered in décor clearly made by everyone and their children. You smiled softly when movement to your left caught your attention. Joel came storming out of the bar, pausing by a streetlamp and leaning on it as a hand clutched his chest. The same as the other morning outside of the cabin. You headed straight over to him as he stood up, his eyes distant as he watched someone.

"Joel?" You said his name softly as you placed a hand on his back, he jumped a little and looked at you. A soft look on his face as he glanced back where he'd been looking. Turning you saw her. A young lady who looked the spitting image of Sarah, except obviously older. You looked back at Joel and recognised the look on his face and the shine of unshed tears in his eyes. You reached up to cup his face in one hand, gently rubbing his cheekbone with your thumb. He leaned into your touch as you wordlessly stood together and comforted him. You stepped closer and pulled him against you, hugging him. He resisted at first but just melted into your embrace, resting his cheek against your head as he took a few breaths.

"You smell nice." He teased lightly as you smiled and looked up. There was a hint of a smile on his face and you melted how it looked on his face, resisting the intrusive thought of kissing him right there.

"Finally showered. A miracle, right?" Joel shook his head a little as he finally let go of you and stood up straight. "I'm heading back to Maria's to get Ellie if you want to come? You could shower too, it feels so nice to be warm and clean." You said softly, Joel shaking his head.

"I gotta do somethin' and I just need a moment alone. I'll come by later." You frowned softly and brushed a hand through his hair.

"Don't get lost in that head of yours Joel. I'm here with you, okay?" Joel nodded a little, stepping back and turning to head through town. Your eyes glued to him as he left. You shook your head and turned to go back to Maria's. You bumped into her and Ellie at the front door.

"There's a movie showing in the town hall in about ten minutes, you two wanna come?" Maria offered, you smiled softly.

"Sounds fun."

---

As you walked through town, Maria pointed out the house you'd be staying in and handed you the keys, explaining Tommy would show Joel where it was once they were done. You thanked her and slid your arm around Ellies shoulders as you walked, the girl still tense and frustrated but she let you be physically affectionate with her. The town hall was packed with people, Ellie squeezing into one of the last empty seats as a movie played on a projector from the back. You hung to the side with Maria, smiling softly as The Goodbye Girl played out in front of you.

"This was one of my mom's favourite movies. I've seen it too many times to count." You whispered to Maria who smiled softly and nodded.

"Mine too. That's why I suggested it for tonight's movie night. It would have been my mom's birthday in a few days." You smiled at her, wrapping your arms around yourself as you turned your attention back to the screen. Once the movie ended, people hung around chatting and getting their kids ready to head home. You realised Ellie wasn't in her seat, panic gripped you as you frantically scanned the room and called her name a few times. You squeezed through the crowd to do a lap but still couldn't find her. You cursed under your breath and headed out the front door, checking every person you passed until you found her sat on a bench.

"Ellie. You scared the shit out of me then." You exhaled, moving to stand in front of her.

"Sorry." She muttered. "I went for a walk." You frowned and crouched in front of her, your forearms resting gently on her knees.

"What's wrong?" She shook her head, wrinkling her nose a little.

"Can we just go to the house now? I'm tired." You nodded and stood up, Ellie joining you as you walked in silence towards the house Maria had pointed out. Something was bothering the girl but you knew better than to push. She really was just like Joel.

Once inside the house, the two of you had a quick look around before you found a bedroom for Ellie to stay in. A comfortable looking single bed and clothes from a young previous resident. You hugged her tightly and bid her good night. Ellie just quietly repeating it before closing the door after you left. You padded around the house, feeling a little strange at being in a house after the desolate apartments of the city or sleeping in caves. It was sparsely furnished with a brown couch in the center of the living room, a bookshelf on one side had a couple of well worn books on it - some of the titles barely visible from years of being handled or sunbleached. It was warm, cosy. You'd be happy to stay forever, you found yourself wondering if you could convince Joel and Ellie to stay a little while before continuing, maybe even come back here after the Fireflies did what they needed to. You made yourself a coffee, tipping the last of your whisky into it to help yourself sleep. You changed into some sweatpants and a t-shirt you'd found in the main bedroom and got comfortable on the sofa with a blanket draped over you. At some point you dozed off, waking up when you heard the front door. You froze, listening before you realised it was Joel. You sank back into the pillows again and closed your eyes, his footsteps got closer before he paused. Then the blanket got pulled up over you properly before his footsteps disappeared upstairs. You smiled to yourself and settled comfortably, listening as you could hear the soft noise of him talking to Ellie. You almost drifted off again when you heard them get louder suddenly. Arguing. You got up and headed upstairs, pausing by the door as you heard them.

"So don't tell me I'd be safer with someone else cause the truth is I'd just be more scared." Ellie said, your heart dropping as you wondered what was going on with them. The silence was deafening for a moment.

"You're right. You're not my daughter and I sure as hell aint your dad. Now come dawn. We go our separate ways." The door opened and Joel walked out, slamming it behind him. He never saw you stood at the top of the stairs as he stalked through to the bedroom. You bit your lower lip and waited before knocking on Ellie's door.

"Fuck off." She answered, muffled. You sighed softly.

"Ellie it's me. Can I come in?" When she didn't answer, you pushed the door open and found her sat on the window seat, forehead against the window as she cried. You headed over and sat beside her, quiet. You offered your hand and she responded by throwing herself into your arms, burying her face against your chest. You gently ran your fingers through her hair as you let her cry it out. You couldn't understand what had happened and you wanted her to tell you when she felt comfortable. After a few moments she sat back, her eyes filled with anger and hurt.

"He's palming me off to Tommy. Saying I'd be safer with him. I don't get it. We came all this way, been through so much and he still thinks of me as just a package?" She sighed. You shook your head, reaching out to pull Ellie against you, her back against your chest as you held onto her.

"Joel… avoids attachments. He's lost a lot of people and he just thinks he can protect himself by pushing everyone away. But he just hurts himself and everyone else instead." You muttered softly as Ellie's breathing eventually slowed from her hysterics.

"When I went for a walk during the movie, I overheard him talking with Tommy. He told him everything. Saying he can't do it." You sighed quietly as you hugged her.

"Despite what he just said, Joel does care about you. And that's what scares him the most. Because if he cares and something happens to you, he'll never forgive himself."

"But I'm not Sarah. And we've made it this far, why give up now? It just doesn't make sense." You frowned softly.

"How did you know about Sarah?"

"Maria let it slip when you went out. She didn't tell me much but tried to use it to make me not trust Joel." You hummed quietly.

"Sarah died on outbreak day while Joel and Tommy were trying to escape. From what Joel told me, she died in his arms after getting shot by an asshole from FEDRA. He may have just said you aren't his daughter, but I can see how he looks at you, talks to you and treats you. He cares about you so much that I think it reminds him of Sarah and that's why he can be an asshole. Because he's scared to let you close and lose you." Ellie huffed out a sigh, leaning her head back to look up at you.

"But I'm not her. He can't assume the worst in everything." You smiled softly, brushing your fingers through her hair.

"We know that. Joel has a lot of emotional scars and he hides behind them. But now and then I see the man I met all those years ago, and I know he's in there. We just need to be patient." Ellie shrugged a little.

"No time left if he's making me go with Tommy." She muttered.

"I'll talk to him. Okay?" She shrugged a little, leaning against you again. You sat with Ellie for a little while, until you could feel her relaxing and eventually dozing off. You scooped her up and carefully put her into bed, tucking her in before you headed out. You took a moment before heading to the bedroom, you knocked gently before pushing the door open. Joel sat on the edge of the bed, eyes staring out of the window as he got lost in his thoughts. You moved to sit beside him quietly, his eyes flickering to you before back out of the window.

"You okay?" You ask tentatively, Joel just glanced at you again before sighing.

"I can't do it. I'll get her killed." He finally said after a few beats of silence.

"What? Joel you made it here without getting her killed. Why would it suddenly change now?" Joel sighed, running a hand through his messy curls.

"Because I'm strugglin'. Outside the cabin, it wasn't the cold. It was a panic attack. I felt like my heart was goin' to explode and my body felt like it was vibratin' on high alert. It happened again when you found me in the town square. I'm gettin' too old for this, I can't protect her. She already had to protect me. That damn dog coulda ripped her to pieces and I just couldn't move or do anythin'." You tilted your head slightly as you listened to him, you reached a hand up to gently turn his head so he would look at you.

"You're just scared Joel. You found your brother and he's building a new life. You see Sarah in Ellie and I can tell because I've seen it too. You try to protect yourself by pushing people away but it's not the answer anymore. She needs you." Joel sighed again, he's not frowning anymore. He looked tired and scared. "I know you. You're dealing with a lot of loss and things you don't want to think or talk about. But Ellie is different. She adores you and you adore her. When I see you two together, it takes me back to the restaurant and seeing you and Sarah at that same table you had every time. It's nice. Don't shut yourself off to love because of fear, okay?" You smiled at him and he nodded slightly, exhaling slowly as his shoulders slumped slightly.

"I was pretty harsh with her earlier." You nodded and dropped your hand to squeeze his gently.

"She was really upset. But you two can talk it out in the morning. Take her yourself, she'll appreciate that." Joel's jaw tensed slightly as he thought it over, curling his fingers gently around yours as he did.

"Thank you." He said softly, lifting his gaze to yours as you gave a small smile.

"Any time. Oh and also, you're not too old for shit. You're only in your fifties." You nudged him with a smile, Joel snorting softly and shaking his head.

You sat talking for a while with him, making a plan for how the next part of the journey would go. He wanted you to stay here, keep an eye on things and it would give them more of a reason to come back. Something in his eyes told you he meant more for himself than Ellie but you didn't comment on it. You argued for a bit but eventually gave in and agreed to stay, telling him he'd have to explain to Ellie why. He agreed and seemed to relax a bit more. At some point you must have fallen asleep because the next thing you knew it, there was sunlight streaming across your face and waking you up. You shifted slightly, realising you were laid on the bed but more importantly there was a weight on your waist. Joel had an arm draped over you, you could feel the gentle puff of his breath against the back of your beck and the warmth coming from him. You smiled to yourself and allowed yourself a few moments to indulge in this. You reached to gently pry his arm from around you so you could get up, but he seemingly noticed and tightened his grip on you, pulling you closer. You smiled to yourself, moving your hand to gently run your fingers over his forearm. Joel stirred, a mumble under his breath but his eyes remained closed as his fingers flexed under your touch. It seemed out of character but also reminded you of the old Joel. Every time you met up there'd be little shows of physical affection, hand holding or prolonged hugs. You had a feeling he enjoyed it as much as you did. Once his grip relaxed again, you carefully extracted yourself from his hold and silently slipped out of the room. You paused by the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth. It felt so good to have the domestic necessities like running water and heating. There was something so comforting about the sound of heating turning on and the radiators humming. You were stood in the kitchen making coffee and some food for Joel and Ellie to take when you heard footsteps coming downstairs. Joel appeared in the doorway, already dressed and ready to go.

"I made supplies and coffee." You said softly as you poured the coffee into Joel's thermos. You almost didn't want to look at him and accept they were already going.

"I'm gon' head out early and tack a horse up ready. If she decides she still hates me, I'll just go for a ride to look around the area then come back. Tommy's comin' for her in about an hour." You nodded as you listened, taking Joel's bag from him and putting his food and thermos into it.

"I'll make sure she's ready. Although I thought I heard movement earlier so she may be up." Joel nodded a little, pulling his bag onto his back.

"Thank you for talkin' to me last night, I really appreciate it." You smiled warmly at him, nodding your head.

"Of course Joel, I care about you. I didn't want you doing something you'd regret later down the line." Joel regarded you for a moment before a small smile pulled over his lips.

"I'll see you at the stables?" You nodded, putting the lid on the box you'd packed Ellie's food into.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Once Joel left, you took a moment to see how the silence of the house felt. Wondering if you should have said something about how you felt or if it would have made things awkward. You shook it off as you got dressed for the day, going back downstairs as there was a knock at the door. Tommy gave a little smile as you greeted him.

"I made food for you both." Tommy chuckled a little.

"Domesticated already." He teased, glancing towards the stairs. "She up?" You nodded, wrapping your arms around yourself.

"Yeah but I think she keeps hoping Joel will come to get her so she hasn't left her room." Tommy sighed, pushing a hand through his hair.

"I'll go get her." He said softly, disappearing upstairs. You could hear the muffled noise of him talking to her before they both came back down. You told Ellie about the food, packing it into her bag as well as some bottles of water. She looked sad as she took the bag back and pulled it onto her shoulders.

"Come with us?" You shook your head a little.

"I'm gonna hold down the fort here Ellie. Make sure you have a nice warm home to come back to, I'll even decorate your room for you and make it more Ellie and less Barbie." Ellie opened her mouth to argue but just sighed and accepted it. You watched her before reaching into your pocket, fishing out the bracelet Sarah had made you. You gently took Ellie's hand and slid the bracelet onto her wrist.

"This is a promise you'll come home and I'll be waiting here for you. If you ever feel scared or lost, just remember I'm still here. Okay?" Ellie nodded, running her fingers over the faded plastic beads. She took a moment before wrapping her arms crushingly tight around you, you cuddled her close.

"Go save the world kiddo." You whispered, squeezing her before stepping back. Ellie glanced at Tommy then back to you.

"Come with us as far as the gates at least?" Tommy nodded.

"That'd be nice." He added, Ellie watching you with big hopeful eyes. You agreed and fought to not say anything as those eyes turned to the stairs like she hoped Joel would come down. You pulled your coat on and headed out with her, following Tommy quietly towards the stables. Ellie dragged her feet a little, eyes watching Tommy's footprints in the snow. You wanted to tell her Joel's plan but you didn't want to get her riled up.

To say Ellie was surprised to see Joel in a stable would be an understatement. She threw a biting comment at him before he could explain. Yet, he barely finished giving her his explanation and options before she tossed her bag at him and climbed up onto the horse. Tommy just smiled, proud of his big brother and relieved he didn't have to leave the compound. Joel led the horse out as Tommy gave him directions and an idea of the quickest way to the hospital. You made sure Ellie was comfortable on the horse and had everything while the men talked. You then turned to Joel, his eyes studying your face quietly before he wrapped his arms around you. He'd never hugged you in front of others before and it caused Tommy to raise an eyebrow of curiousity. Especially when Joel pressed a subtle kiss to the side of your head with a whispered promise of coming back soon. He then turned and embraced Tommy tightly. You smiled, arms instinctively wrapping around yourself as you tried to not get upset.

"Look after her. We'll be back soon."

"Yessir." Tommy chuckled, hugging Joel again. There didn't need to be too many words exchanged. This was the scariest part of their journey and it was back to just the two of them. Joel asked to borrow the rifle slung over Tommy's shoulder, the younger immediately handing it over without argument. Joel stayed walking as he lead the horse to the gates, you and Tommy walking beside them. No one really knew what to say as the gates opened and Joel climbed up to sit in front of Ellie. You waved and watched as they went through the opening, Ellie twisting back to keep waving until the gates closed behind them.

"C'mon. Maria made breakfast for us." You blinked at Tommy, frowning curiously. "I had a feelin' he wouldn't let her go."

---

At first it felt strange being alone. You'd been on the road with Joel and Ellie for a couple of months and before that had split your time between Kathleen or Sam and Henry. It was rare you were completely alone. You spent most of your time fixing up the house, decorating it and making it into your dream house you'd always imagined. Granted it was a little difficult with very limited resources but you'd traded a few items here and there to get paint or home decor. You painted Ellie's room a very light grey colour, making a collage of comic book pages on one wall and even found a Marvel blanket tucked away in the general store in town. It had taken four washes to get it looking anything close to new and get rid of the musty smell but now it looked like the perfect finishing touch as you draped it over the bottom of Ellie's bed. You found some other blankets to put on the couch, some books that were still readable and soon the house felt like a real home. Warm and cosy. You spent time with Maria, helping her out with work around the compound. You met a handful of new people, found a sort of routine as you worked to keep your place within Jackson. Tommy took you on a couple of scouting trips or patrols. He was impressed with how well you handled a gun, always able to help with hunting or clearing out any stray infected from nearby areas. Every now and then you'd find little things that you took home for Joel and Ellie for when they returned.

Christmas day crept up on you before you really noticed. You hadn't celebrated in many, many years. But Maria insisted on you coming to hers and Tommys for dinner. She even managed to convince you to go to the small gathering at the Town Hall. It was nice to pretend to be back in the times before the apocalypse happened, have a glass of mulled wine and watch as the kids had a snowball fight tournament. You just wished Joel and Ellie were here with you to see it all. You knew Maria still didn't think very highly of Joel but she never said anything to your face, which you were grateful for. On one of your rides, Tommy had broached the subject of whether there was still something between you and Joel while you stopped for lunch. You shrugged a little, picking at your sandwich.

"I don't know? Sometimes it seems like it used to be but then he disappears back behind his emotional walls again." Tommy shook his head a little.

"Joel never was good with this stuff. Hell, look how long it took me an' Sarah to convince him to ask you out." You snorted, a smile on your face.

"Who knows what'll happen when he comes back, maybe being away will make him think about it. I know Ellie thinks there's something, she's kinda poked at the subject with me but she's closer to Joel and would definitely be a little rougher with him about it." You laughed, leaning back against the tree you were sitting under. Tommy just smiled at you, watching you for a moment.

"I saw it before he left. Didn't wanna say anythin' before but I saw it. The way he used to look at you in the restaurant is exactly how he was lookin' at you in the Jackson restaurant. Then the day they left, saw it again. He's just a stubborn ass an' won't say anythin' out of his own insecurities." You shrugged, finishing your food.

"Well we'll see what happens when he comes home." You packed your things away as Tommy changed the subject to the upcoming New Year's plans. You admitted you were probably just going to stay home, Tommy said Maria wouldn't allow her newest friend to sit alone on New Year's Eve. You just shrugged a little, saying you'd speak to her about it at some point. Even before everything went down, you'd never seen the big deal with big New Year's parties or anything. It just seemed like an excuse for people to drink a lot and grab someone to kiss at midnight. On the ride back, Tommy started talking about the baby and how it would be born soon, how he was excited to be a father. He spoke about how he met Maria and had taken so long to pluck up the courage to ask her out, her response had been 'about damn time' which made you laugh. Tommy and Maria seemed like such a good match. Their energy bounced off of each other and they just aligned perfectly together. It was nice to see love could work in such a fucked up world.

Months passed by and there was still no sign of Joel and Ellie. You couldn't help but get antsy, nervous something happened to them. You kept yourself distracted as best as possible, not dwelling on what if's and worst case scenarios. As the snow melted away and it got a little warmer, you couldn't help but find yourself trying to stop obsessing over their return only to be disappointed every day. You spent the day at Maria's helping her put the baby's crib together, she was stubborn even if she could no longer see her feet and had to take regular breaks. So you'd had to just assist and do the heavy lifting. She packed you some cake she'd been gifted before you left, promising to come by and see you the next morning. You headed out, a hum in your throat as you waved to the neighbour when they passed you on the street. You'd been accepted so easily into the community, never any questions or people digging into your past which you appreciated. It was like a fresh start really, the safe haven you'd always dreamed of tucked away here in Jackson. The sun was setting as you let yourself into the house with a muffled yawn, pausing to pull your shoes off. You walked through to the kitchen to cut yourself some of the cake when something catches your eye. You freeze. A jacket tossed onto the table. Too small to be yours.

"Ellie." You breathed out, dropping everything onto the counter and turning back to rush through the house, scanning the living room for her before racing upstairs - your heart in your throat. There was no sounds, you couldn't help but suddenly worry someone had broken in. You paused outside of her room, slowly pushing the door open as you peered in. There she was. Sat on the edge of the bed, running her fingers over the blanket. Ellie. You smiled and stepped into the room, the girl looking up as a floorboard creaked. You stared at each other for a moment before you rushed over and gathered her up into your arms. Ellie let out a choked sob as she clung onto you. You didn't dare to think what had happened out beyond the walls with the way she clung onto you.

"You're home." You leaned back, wiping her cheeks as she nodded, lifting her wrist to show the bracelet still there.

"I had to bring it back, remember?" You laughed and hugged her again, she felt a little thinner but taller. Like she'd had a bit of a growth spurt on the journey.

"I missed you." You said, sitting beside her as you brushed your fingers through her hair. She smiled a little.

"I missed you too. It's… been rough." She replied softly, her eyes on the blanket again. "It didn't work. They stopped looking for a cure apparently." She mumbled, wrinkling her nose. "We went through hell to get there, they put me under and everything but when I woke up, I was in the back of a car and Joel told me it didn't work. We should have just stayed here." She sniffled a little, you watched her.

"You wanna talk about it?" She shook her head, moving to lay back on the bed.

"I just want to sleep for a while." You understood, saying as such as you stood up.

"I'll be downstairs if you need me, okay?" She nodded and pulled the blanket over herself. You paused, desperate to ask her where Joel was, why was she alone, why was the journey so bad but she looked tired. You headed towards her door, pausing for a moment before stepping out.

"Joel's at the infirmary. He got injured while we were out there and I had to stitch him up so he's getting it checked out. He said he'll be home after he sees Tommy." You smiled softly, Ellie knew you too well. You thanked her and stepped out, pulling the door almost closed.

You went back downstairs and cut the cake into three. A little celebration once everyone was home and awake. You chewed on your thumbnail as you paced the living room a few times, glancing at the clock now and then. Ellie was fast asleep and the only noise was your footsteps and the ticking of the wall clock. You couldn't settle, anxiety bubbling away in your chest. After a couple of hours, you walked through to the kitchen to make yourself some tea in the hopes it would calm your nerves. As the water boiled, you heard the familiar sound of the front door opening and closing. Your heart stopped as you hear footsteps slowly make their way towards the kitchen, stopping by the doorway. You turned and your eyes fell on Joel. His hair peppered with a few more grey streaks, he looked exhausted and a little pale.

"Welcome home." You said softly, watching him as his eyes met yours and a weak smile worked over his face. You were desperate to just run to him and hold onto him but you didn't want to freak him out.

"It's good to be home." He answered, making his way around the table towards you. He winced a little but once he was close enough, he reached out a hand to you. You bit your lower lip as you took his hand. He was really there. He gently pulled you closer, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. Immediately, you leaned into him and wrapped your arms around his middle. He winced again and you adjusted where you held him. You just stood there like that, your head against his shoulder as you closed your eyes. Finally they were home. Your house felt whole again.

Eventually you pulled back to look up at him, lifting your hands to gently cup his face.

"I'll make you both some dinner. You both look like you need a good meal." You teased gently, Joel nodding and let go of you as you slowly pulled away to turn and rummage through the cupboards to make food. You set to making something as Joel eased himself down into one of the chairs at the table. He was quiet as you worked, and once everything was cooking you handed him a mug of coffee and sat down across from him.

"Everything okay?" You asked softly. "Ellie said you went straight to the infirmary to get checked out?" Joel swallowed as he nodded.

"We got jumped as we got into the University grounds. I grabbed a guy to defend us and he stabbed me with his broken wooden bat. I don't remember much between that and waking up to having to fight for my life and Ellie's. She took care of me, stitched me up and apparently traded a deer for penicillin. I found her in an abandoned ski lodge place, she…" He paused, taking a breath. "She didn't want to talk about what happened to her. But I can take a damn good guess given her reaction when I found her." He paused again, his jaw clenching slightly as his fingers tightened around his mug. You watched him, he didn't need to say anything else on that subject. You got it. "I tried to keep her spirits up, encouragin' her to tell those puns, told her some more about me, told her about Sarah's cupcake plan with you and a few other things. We had an amazing moment as we found some giraffes. Ellie fed them and she seemed to perk up." He smiled a little, going on to explain other parts of their journey until the Fireflies captured them. You blinked, Ellie hadn't mentioned that. Joel explained Marlene had been there, she'd just set the wheel's in motion and had just expected Joel to walk away and leave Ellie in the hospital. You blinked as you watched him, jumping up when a pan boiled over. You grabbed it and checked nothing had burnt, straining out the pasta before checking the sauce you'd been making as well. You dropped some crudely made homemade meatballs in and let it all simmer before sitting down.

"What happened Joel?" You asked, Joel frowning a little as he paused and glanced towards the stairs. Hearing nothing he turned back to you and lowered his voice to barely above a whisper.

"They were goin' to kill her. She had no say in it. All this time we thought it was her blood but… it's her brain." He replied, your eyes going wide as you sank back in your chair. "I couldn't let 'em do it. I couldn't lose another daughter. I just saw red… I don't wanna think how many Fireflies I shot that day. But I was not leavin' there without Ellie. Selfish, I know. I'm a terrible person. Givin' up all of humanities chance of a cure to save one girl. But I couldn't do it." He watched you closely as he spoke, like he expected you to jump up and yell or get angry or something. But you didn't.

"I would have been more angry if you'd have left her there." Was your reply, Joel looking relieved as you said it. "Ellie said it didn't work. They stopped looking for a cure?" Joel shook his head.

"I told her that so she wouldn't hate me if I told her the truth. She was crushed but… at least she's alive." You nodded a little, chewing your lower lip as you thought about it all. Everything he was admitting, everything they'd been through. You understood completely. You reached out across the table and took one of Joel's hands in yours, his eyes never leaving your face.

"You aren't a terrible person. If you are then so am I because I'd have done the exact same thing. It wasn't fair she didn't know what would happen to her, that she didn't have a say in whether she went through with it or not. She'll be fine, she'll be upset for a few days but she'll be back to herself eventually. I'm sure of it." You nodded, Joel giving a non-commital noise in response, his eyes dropping to your hands as he laced his fingers with yours. You both fell quiet, your mind taking you back to the first time you'd sat like this in a café. Holding hands, sharing a slice of cake and talking for hours. You looked up and found Joel looking at you. He opened his mouth to speak when Ellie's voice from the doorway broke the moment.

"Something smells fucking amazing." She mumbled, rubbing at her eyes as she shuffled in. You smiled warmly, reluctantly letting go of Joel's hand to stand up and check everything.

"How do you have the perfect timing? It's all ready!" You smiled again, moving to plate everything up. Ellie asked Joel how he was and he asked her the same. What they'd been through had bonded them, something made them stronger than ever and you had a feeling it wasn't just the night in the hospital.

After dinner, Joel excused himself to take a shower and Ellie stayed to help you clean up. You washed while she dried everything.

"He told me about you two." She suddenly said as you handed her the last pan. You blinked and watched her, Ellie glancing up at you before shaking her head. "About Sarah's cupcake plan, your little coffee dates and how the night it all went down was his birthday and you'd promised to make him breakfast but the world went to shit. He definitely still cares about you like that but he's too chicken to tell you. And you're too chicken to tell him." She shook her head again. "Adults are weird man, you act like kids when it comes to stuff like this!" She handed you the pan back once it was dry. You laughed and moved to put the pan into the cupboard.

"Because there's more important things going on at the moment Ellie. It seems trivial in the grand scheme of things to be like 'hey by the way, I still like you' while we're setting up home here." Ellie rolled her eyes.

"Nothing is trivial." She suddenly sounded much older as she watched you. "Don't tell him I told you this but… He almost killed himself before he was tasked with looking after me. He basically said you and me, we keep him going. So I think the 'hey I still like you' might be a good conversation to have. If he spoke to me about it openly then it means something to him, clearly you too, and that means it isn't trivial." She nodded, watching you closely. "Don't ever repeat this but I love you both and it makes sense. Stop being babies." She grinned, waving her damp towel at you. "Just don't be gross around me, I might barf." You stared at her wide-eyed, suddenly feeling like the roles were reversed and she was the adult talking to teenage you about relationships. Ellie grinned a little, changing the subject to the cake she'd spotted sat on the counter. Your head was spinning from the whole conversation as you plated up a slice of cake for her and handed it over.

"I'm glad to be home." She said after taking it from you, smiling softly as she handed over your bracelet as well. You took it, your fingers gently playing with the beads before you remember the one you'd made her at one of the craft sessions in the town hall Maria had dragged you to.

"Wait here." You grinned, heading out to where your backpack hung in the hallway and rummaging in one of the pockets. You fished out the braided bracelet and went back, asking for Ellie's hand. Once she held it out, you tied the bracelet around her wrist. She lifted her arm to look at it with a soft smile. In the middle were two beads, each one had your initials on.

"It's kinda childish but… I wanted to make one for us as well." You smiled, rolling up your sleeve to show the matching one. Ellie grinned at it before trying to keep her cool composure.

"Totally childish. But I love it." She grabbed her cake and started eating it. Again the subject changing to how long it had been since she'd had cake, telling you some stories from when she was at the Fedra and her one attempt at baking. You'd almost forgotten how Ellie could make your head spin with her constant topic changing. But you were just glad to have her home again, her cheesy puns and laughter making the house instantly feel lighter.

"I'm glad I know sign language." She started, leaning back in her chair to pause for dramatic effect, the corners of her mouth twitching as she tried not to grin as the punchline formed on the tip of her tongue.

"I bet that's become real handy." Came Joel's voice from the doorway, Ellie slammed her hands on the table as she laughed.

"You dick! That's the second time you've done that to me!" She was still laughing as Joel came in, finally in clean and comfortable clothing. He smiled at her, ruffling her hair as he passed her.

"Couldn't resist." You laughed at them both, Ellie puffing her cheeks out in frustration as she not-so-discreetly thumbed through the book on her lap for another one to hit him with.

"You wanna hear a joke about pizza?" She grinned before continuing. "Nevermind, it's too cheesy." You snorted, Joel shaking his head as he made himself another coffee.

"I coulda sworn we left that book with the giraffes." Ellie just grinned again as she pointed at you.

"Someone got me a new one and left it in my room." Joel looked at you, deadpan.

"Gee. Thanks." You just looked up at him, giving a grin.

"You're welcome." You winked at him and turned back to Ellie. She flicked through the book, glad to see pages her other book had been missing were there. The cover itself was battered but the pages themselves were all there and still legible.

After a couple more puns, Ellie eventually headed upstairs to take a bath. You couldn't help the smile on your face as you dug out a bottle of whiskey Tommy and Maria had gifted you for Christmas. You grabbed two glasses and went through to the living room where Joel sat on the couch.

"I don't know if the doc gave you any medicine, but I can guarantee this will help any aches and pains." You held up the bottle as Joel looked up. A smile worked over his face.

"You wonderful, wonderful woman." You chuckled and moved to sit beside him, pouring you both a drink before handing a glass over.

"To being reunited. Again." You smiled warmly, holding up your glass in a salute. Joel nodded, gently clinking his glass against yours.

"To bein' re-reunited." A hum left your throat as you took a sip and leaned back in your seat, folding your legs underneath yourself as you went over what Ellie said earlier and whether to mention it to Joel or not.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours?" Joel's voice brought you back to the present, you looked over at him for a moment before you shrugged a little, pushing a hand through your hair.

"Just something Ellie said earlier." Joel tilted his head slightly, clearly curious and maybe a little nervous given what they'd been through. You paused, pursing your lips a little. "Nothing is trivial. Is what she said… sometimes that girl is wise beyond her years I swear." You chuckled, Joel nodding in agreement.

"She's had to grow up real fast."

"Seems a shame she never really had time to just be a kid. Do the dumb things we did as kids and just… grow up playing outside and going to a real school."

"She seems happy, for the most part." Joel added. "Aside from some of the shit she's dealt with this past year. But why'd she say that nothin' is trivial?" You wrinkled your nose a little, your eyes lowering to the glass in your hands.

"She, uh, was telling me about some of the things you two spoke of. How you told her how you and I met, the cupcake scandal and our coffee dates. She was talking about how we should talk about it and I said in the grand scheme of everything lately, it might seem trivial to suddenly bring up our past. But she insisted that if you'd spoken about it, then it wasn't. And that nothing is trivial really. I didn't even know she knew what that word meant till then." You laughed nervously, licking your lips as Joel stayed quiet. You suddenly regretted being so open as the silence weighed heavy on your shoulders. You took a sip of the whiskey, not daring to look up at Joel now. "I think she was just emptying her thoughts, considering it's been a few months since we were all together." You added, your voice quiet as you took Joel's silence as a quiet rejection of the topic. You almost jumped when he cleared his throat before speaking.

"Do you still think about it? Our past?" He asked softly, you took a breath before nodding.

"From time to time. There's moments where I'll catch myself reminiscing. Like earlier when you let me hold your hand over the table while we talked. It reminded me of that tiny coffee shop we found down one of the side-streets back home."

"I remember that one. The barista looked offended I only wanted a black coffee after he bragged about the flavoured syrups for ten minutes." You laughed and nodded.

"Yeah, he was definitely trying the hard sell that day." A quiet fell over you both again, your eyes still on your glass as you bit back the urge to ask the main question on your mind, trying to work out what he might say or what options you had if he didn't still feel the same. He was so guarded now, not as easy to read. There was no awkward shyness, no attempts at his lame but adorable flirting or anything. You heard him say your name, your muscles tensing subtly as you prepared for the blow. He repeated your name again and you realised he wanted you to look at him. Slowly you lifted your gaze and looked over at Joel. His gaze soft, his face relaxed and as open as you'd ever seen it with a hint of the nervousness you'd seen glimpses of in passing.

"Do… do you have any of those feelin's anymore?" He asked, holding your gaze and you knew you couldn't lie. You nodded a little, feeling your cheeks flush slightly. He hummed quietly, lifting a hand to rub it against his stubble as he thought for a moment. "I've done some real shitty things to survive in this world. I shut everyone out when I lost Sarah. I didn't believe anythin' good could happen in this world anymore. Ellie reopened my heart to that paternal love, showin' me it was okay to care for someone else. Then somehow I walked into that house in Kansas City and found my past starin' at me from the dark. I couldn't fuckin' believe it." He paused to take a drink. "I ain't a good man. Not the same man who sat with you by Lake Travis." You sighed softly.

"But you are Joel. I see him in how you watch Ellie so closely, I see him in the moments your ninety foot tall barriers slip, I see him when you instinctively reach out for my hand when you're overwhelmed. You're still him, just a little older and more guarded with your heart. I see you and your scars and my heart still races like it did the first time you spoke to me. I get ridiculously nervous sometimes around you but not out of being afraid of you, but being afraid that I'll open my mouth and everything will just come tumbling out before I can stop it… kinda like now." Joel fell quiet, you could tell he was processing it and trying to see things from your perspective. You moved to top up both of your glasses, placing the bottle on the small coffee table before sinking back in your seat. "Look. I'm not expecting anything or asking for everything to pick up where we left it off twenty years ago. I just … wanted to be honest and if it's not something you want or feel anymore then, I can accept that." Your voice was soft, trying to not get too emotional as you opted to take another drink to stop yourself saying more.

"Fuck that. I almost died three months ago, and I realised I'd die not bein' honest with you, Ellie, Tommy or myself. So after that, I was more open with her. Told her how much she meant to me. I've apologised to Tommy and said how I actually am happy for him. And now I'm tellin' you that you absolutely do make me feel the same way you did back in 2013." You blinked, looking up at him, a smile playing over Joel's lips. He put his glass down, took yours and placed it with his then held his hands out to you. You took a breath and slid your hands into his, feeling his fingers curl around yours. "It won't be easy. I'm still tryin' to open up and not think about just me and my survival. But if you can be patient with me, I'd be more than happy to pick up where we left off." Your eyes went wide as you stared up at him, feeling Joel's thumbs trace idle patterns over the backs of your hands.

"Joel…I…Only if you're sure." Joel chuckled a little, lifting your hands to brush a kiss to your knuckles - the same way he always used to do and suddenly you were thirty years old again, shyly standing outside of the restaurant as Joel picked you up after your shift to spend his lunch break with you.

"The only thing I've ever been more sure of was gettin' Ellie outta that hospital." You smiled softly, Joel resting his cheek against your fingers.

"I'll only believe you on one condition." Joel blinked, confusion flickering across his face.

"What's that?" You smiled, glancing down briefly before looking back at him.

"You give me the kiss I've waited over twenty years for." Joel paused before a laugh bubbled in his throat. There he was, your relaxed and comfortable Joel from 2013.

"It'd be my pleasure." He replied as he tugged your hands gently so you could rest them on his shoulders, encouraging you closer as he leaned in and met you halfway. Finally, finally his lips met yours in the sweetest kiss you'd ever had. Your heart fluttered in your chest as you slid your arms around his shoulders properly and pressed close, the kiss deepening and your senses were flooded with Joel in the best way.

When you eventually broke the kiss, Joel rest his forehead against yours.

"Worth the wait." He muttered, brushing a final kiss to your lips. You smiled and moved to cuddle close to him, nuzzling your face against his neck.

"Definitely worth the wait." You repeated, melting into his embrace with a content sigh.

"I almost did it that mornin' we left for the University but I chickened out. I didn't wanna give you mixed messages and I wasn't too sure if you still felt the same." You snorted softly and leaned back to look at him.

"Joel, we literally shared a bed for the first time and we were actually cuddled up when I woke up. Although I can guarantee if you'd kissed me that morning, there'd have been no way I was staying here alone after that." He huffed out a laugh, lifting a hand to brush his fingers through your hair.

"Fair points." He nodded, he finally looked completely relaxed, that sparkle back in his dark eyes and a smile on his lips. You finished your drinks, Joel keeping one arm around you so you could stay cuddled up against his side, and eventually headed to bed. You felt a little nervous suddenly but Joel insisted it was fine to share the bed again once you offered to take the couch. Joking he'd be offended if you suddenly slept on the couch. You both got ready for bed and once under the covers, immediately found each other again; Joel cuddling you against his chest. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat and finally felt happy.

Your bubble of bliss was loudly burst the next morning by Ellie wandering in, looking for you. Only for her to yell "fucking finally!!" at seeing the two of you cuddled up together. Joel grumbled something and tossed one of the pillows at the door to close it again; immediately cuddling you close again and pressing sleepy kisses to your shoulder.

"She needs to learn to knock." He muttered, squeezing you gently as you hummed in agreement and slid your hand along his arm to lace your fingers with his. Welcoming the warm comfort of sleep pulling you back in mixed with the wonderful feeling in the pit of your stomach as Joel nuzzled against your shoulder and held you tightly. Domestic bliss amongst a world gone to shit.

[the-hinky-panda]

Something Witchy: Blackbird, Delaware

Title: Something Witchy

Rating: Explicit

Summary: You're a physical medium and chaos magician that is called in from time to time to help consult on some X-Files. You've lived your life seeing into another world and believing in things you can't see. What happens when you fall for the die hard skeptic Special Agent John Doggett?

Blackbird, Delaware

The house is in the middle of nowhere. John never thought the state of Delaware was big enough to have a “middle of nowhere” location and yet, here he is. At least, he’s not alone. Monica was convinced there was something paranormal out in the woods of Blackbird. A few teenagers were coming back from visiting an abandoned farmhouse with scratches, quills stuck in their skin, and then they would have the most insane run of bad luck until the next group would go out there into the woods. 

But Monica wasn’t feeling well, having succumbed to the flu that was making its way around the office. When he had called her, she had suggested having you accompany him on the two hour drive up to Blackbird to investigate the house. After looking at the case file, she thought it could be another Elemental or possible demon, both of which you would be able to assist with handling. She had been impressed with your reading at the McLeary farm and had apparently visited your shop a few times since then so her faith in your abilities had grown. 

Not to mention, John hasn’t been able to get you out of his mind since that case. The waves of your dark hair as it falls over your shoulders, your dark eyes that somehow radiate warmth. That unique scent of lavender and thyme that follows you. In the last week, he’s started dreaming about you. He can’t remember any specific details from the dream, just that you were there. He could hear your laugh, feel your warmth next to him. When he woke up, the smell of lavender and thyme was on his sheets. 

And he didn’t mind it. 

“You said the teens are coming home with cuts and bruises,” you ask him from the passenger seat of the car, “and quills?” 

“Yeah. Like porcupine quills but…” 

“But they’re not. Delaware doesn’t have porcupines. The state doesn’t have the appropriate ecosystem for them.” 

“You got any ideas then?” 

You smile at him, bright and confident, in the late afternoon light. God, you’re beautiful. “Delaware may not have porcupines but they do have pukwudgies.” 

“Puk what?” 

“Pukwudgies.” 

“The hell is that? It sounds like something teenage boys do to each other in the locker room.” 

“A pukwudgie is like a gnome, it’s a fairy type spirit that shows itself as a small old man with porcupine quills on its back. They can be beneficial to the areas they inhabit but they can also be little tricksters.” 

“So they have short tempers.”

“And they don’t suffer fools lightly. They can follow you home and give you a string of bad luck if you insult them.” 

“Sounds like our suspect then.” 

You give him a surprised look. “Why, Agent Doggett, did you agree with a paranormal explanation of a case?” 

“For now.” He gives you a brief smile. “Until we get up there and find it’s some old, short guy with a pet porcupine that’s teaching some obnoxious teens a lesson.” 

You laugh quietly. “I knew it was too good to be true.” 

He glances over at you, a smile still on your lips and he’s in complete agreement about the situation, of you agreeing to make this drive with him. It is too good to be true. Someone as bright and beautiful as you willing to spend your Friday night driving out into the woods to investigate with him. And the thought passes through his mind, watching the fading afternoon light shine off the soft waves of your hair and that now familiar scent of lavender and thyme fills the car, that he may very well be falling in love with you. 

***

It all happens so fast. 

You and John reach the abandoned house just as the sun is setting. You take pictures of the house, the woods, the front door that is standing open. You think you see odd footprints in the dust that could belong to the suspected pukwudgie and take a few shots of those as well. John moves through the house, opening every door and ensuring that there is no one lurking about on the property. When he’s done, he finds you in one of the upstairs bedrooms investigating what looks to be a pile of pine needles, a kind of bedding for a small creature in one of the closets. 

“Find anything pukwudgie-ish?” 

You can hear the sarcasm in his voice but smile anyway. “Actually, I think I did find something.” 

He comes over to where you’re standing and when you look over at him, you see the door to the bedroom slam shut. Before either one of you can move, you hear the slide of a chair moving across the wooden floor and settle under the doorknob of the bedroom. It happens in a matter of seconds and ends with the sound of small claws tottering off into the house. John runs over to the door and tries to open the door only to find it locked. He slams his shoulder into it a few times but the old wood stays surprisingly unphased. 

“Dammit!” 

You fiddle with the lens of your camera. “Looks like we’ve been pukwudgied.” 

“Okay,” he says, a little breathless. “How do we un-pukwudgie it?” 

“Under normal circumstances, we would provide a peace offering to the creature, nuts and berries mostly. But,” you motion to the door, “we’re stuck until someone can let us out.” 

He sighs in frustration as he pulls out his cell phone and tries to call the Blackbird PD, but that results in another frustrated sigh. “No service. Great.” 

You go to the window and push it up. “I could try to climb out on the roof-” 

“No, no no,” he grabs your arm and tugs you away from the window. “That’s the last thing we need, you falling through the dilapidated roof and breaking your leg or worse.” 

“Alright, no climbing on the roof.”  You wander around the perimeter of the room while John goes back to studying the door. There really is no other way out other than waiting for either the police department to come looking for you or some curious teenager to show up to the house. Not having much else to do, you sit down on the floor and pull up the pictures you took on the digital camera. John gets tired of fighting with the jammed door and comes to sit down next to you. 

“You had something to show me up here?” 

You’re close enough to the closet door to pull it open from your seated position on the floor. “I found a pile of pine needles in the closet. Like it was being used as bedding or a nest.” 

He hums in acknowledgement but doesn’t say anything else. 

“You sound skeptical.” 

“That’s because I am.” 

“Agent Doggett, we are locked in a room in an abandoned house that you personally cleared.” You hold up the camera. “I have pictures of unexplained footprints and found a nest in a small, dark enclosed space. What other explanation is there?” 

“Another explanation? Okay. It’s a big house so I could have missed them when I did the sweep. The footprints could be an animal’s and the pine needles in the closet could be from a raccoon or opossum.” 

“So no pukwudgie? Not even a little bit of possibility?” 

He gives you a mildly apologetic look. “Sorry, but no. Unless you got a picture on that camera of the creature, I’m siding with a flesh and blood explanation of who locked us in here.” 

You nod. “Alright. Photographic evidence. Got it.” 

He actually laughs. “You get a picture of this thing, a good picture of it, and I’ll spring for dinner.” 

“Deal!” 

You sit in companionable silence for a few minutes. The sun has been down for almost two hours and the chill of night is creeping through the dilapidated house. You’re wishing you had grabbed your down coat instead of the thin jacket you’re trying to tug closer around your upper body. John shifts next to you. 

“Here.” 

That’s the only warning you get before John drapes his coat over your shoulders. It’s warm and holds notes of his cologne, cedarwood and pepper. Your hand smooths over the thick wool and images start to flood your mind. Mist is still clinging to the trees, dew is collecting on your shoes. There’s a group of people huddled together in a grassy clearing. You don’t want to see what they’re staring at but you move towards them anyway. As you approach them you can see the outline of a boy lying prone on the ground. Your heart stops and your stomach roils and…

“Hey!” 

You snap back to the darkness of the bedroom and try to blink back the tears that have gathered in your eyes. John has a hand on your shoulder, firm and grounding. You bury your nose against the collar of the coat and take a deep, steadying breath, inhaling his sharp scent. “Sorry.” 

“It’s alright.” He doesn’t sound convinced but relinquishes his grip. 

The pieces start to slide into place and tears come to your eyes again. This man has lost his son. He had been wearing this coat when they found the body. He had been in that field, had seen his son in that condition. And your heart breaks for him. But you can’t just tell him what you saw as skeptical as he is. So you do the only thing you can in the moment and open the coat as an invitation to share it. He gives you a small smile before moving closer to you, your sides pressed together and the coat wrapped around both of you. It’s so comforting, his warmth and solid frame next to you. You find yourself closing your eyes and starting to fall asleep. 

“I’m sorry,” he says after a few minutes of quiet. 

That rouses you. “For what?” 

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings about the…” he motions to the door. 

“You didn’t hurt my feelings.” You lay your head against his shoulder. “In fact, as far as skeptics go, you’re the most polite one I’ve ever met.” 

“Then why’d you start to cry?” 

You take a deep breath, trying to figure out how to answer that question when flashes of light and whispered voices can be seen from the window. Both of you jump to your feet and run over to the window. There are about four teenagers sneaking up on the house, trying to keep their voices down as their bright flashlights bob in the darkness. You grab John’s arm. 

“Don’t tell them you’re FBI.” 

“Why not?” 

“You want them to help us?” 

He nods. 

You lean your head out the window. “Hey! We need help! The pukwudgie locked us in this room!” 

The teens stop dead in their tracks and lift their lights up to the window almost blinding you. “You said the pukwudgie locked you up?” 

“Yeah! Can you help us?” 

You hear the excited twitter of their voices debating on whether or not the creature is still in the house or ran off or they were being tricked. Curiosity got the better of them and they did venture into the house and soon the door was opening with four curious high school students standing on the other side. You thank them for helping while John flashes his FBI badge and tells them they’re trespassing and shouldn’t be there. But since they helped you, he’ll forget about them breaking the law if they leave. 

Once the teens are well on their way back home, you and John climb back into the car and start the drive back to DC. He seems to have forgotten about his unanswered question concerning the sudden rise of your tears and you don’t remind him of it. You’re not sure how long ago the event occurred and if he would even be willing to speak of it. When you reach the suburbs of DC, he asks you where he should drop you off. 

“At the store,” you tell him. “I live in the apartment above it.” 

“That’s convenient.” He gives you a small smile. “For all those late night séances when they run out of black candles and incense.” 

You tut. “You don’t use black candles for a séance. Amature.” 

He chuckles at that and navigates the mostly empty streets of DC to your shop. He gives you a warm “Good night,” and waits until you enter the shop safely. You debate taking a shower, wanting to carry the residual scent of his cologne on your skin. As you lay in bed that night, you make plans on heading back to Blackbird to get that picture of the pukwudgie. 

It’s Sunday afternoon when you download the pictures you took that morning of the three foot tall figure with the rows of short quills on its back onto your computer. You open your email and type in John’s email address, attaching the image. In the body of the email, all you say is: I like Fiorentino’s on 8th Street. 

[heirsofdiscord]

Eternal Return

FFXIVwrite prompt #6: Ring | 4777 words A formation of various pieces of material orbiting around a planet or young star. | to resound, reverberate, echo. | A solid object in the shape of a circle. (⚠WARNING⚠ Canon Character Death)

Time usually goes in a line. Past to present to future. Yorick supposed his was still a line. He was a child, he was an adult, he was broken into a million pieces and had to trudge on as a Warrior of Light. He’d traveled to the past but what did that mean for him exactly? He returned to his own time, he grew older. One day he’d pass on as all things do. Nothing had changed. A line was a line.

Yorick was sitting on over four million gil. The idea of buying himself a home had been sitting at the back of his mind. He was hedging between that or just continuing his usual spending habits which included accumulating a half dozen baubles he’d inevitably forget somewhere as he had nowhere to keep them. Another reason to pick an abode but he had sentimental reasons for being resilient to the idea.

At any rate, he certainly wouldn’t be moving to Twelveswood where he’d have a higher chance of having an unpleasant reunion with his family he’d ghosted nearly a decade ago.

Finding his room at the Carline Canopy was a practiced ritual he was barely cognizant of. He’d walked those halls while bruised, while ill, while sorrowful, while so far in his own thoughts he couldn’t find his way out if he wanted to. Thousands of stumbling steps tread upon a beaten path.

The walls and floors and pretty much everything in the room really was all just the same wood. It was ornate enough that the paneling wasn’t too overwhelming  but Yorick still fancied it could use more color to break it up. The green rugs and its faded embellishments weren’t exactly cutting it. The water feature at the left wall with its flower bushes was a cute touch. It was also largely useless. Ul’dah’s had a bookshelf and both it and Limsa Lominsa’s had ample storage. Gridania, by contrast, was best suited for people who traveled light.

It also typically didn’t have any chairs. Yorick had to have one moved to his room. When asked what he was using it for he stated it was for contemplation. He’d meant it to be sarcastic but he’d been taken at face value for that one. That was Gridanians for you.

He’d taken his chair and dragged it across the room and sat it next to the bed. The purpose Yorick had had it brought in had been rendered inert three years ago. He figured it had just been pushed aside in the time hence. When he was satisfied with its placement he let himself drop unto the bed and stared at the seat that sat across from him; his head busy.

The first time Yorick had ever met one of their adversarial “Paragons” was when he and his Warrior of Light cohorts met him in the The Thousand Maws of Toto-Rak. He’d said a lot of what Yorick considered to be nothing. Calling them all fascinating three of four times in a row before declaring their story would have to come to an end. It all rather felt like he was competing for a particularly dramatic role at the Mih Khetto’s Amphitheatre complete with a bow. Except for the whole dropping a very real and particularly agitated banemite on their heads. That was a lot of pincers and running out of pools of poison. Or it could have been acid. It’d been a good six years and he’d fought a lot of different arthropods in that time.

That was the end of that encounter and the Warrior’s of Light had left the old prison cells of Toto-Rak with their rescued elder. That wasn’t good enough for Yorick. He’d heard them talk about the Paragons and the Ascians or whatever other name they had. All this talk about bringers of chaos, light versus dark, good versus evil. It was all too superficial and summoned the smell of smoke to his nose. Bringing him back to the time meteors had fallen from the sky and his bow had snapped. When his friends had pointed their fingers at him and he’d never been right since. So he made his excuses and stayed in that chamber.

Yorick waited until he was sure his associates were out of earshot before shouting “,I know you’re still here, asshole.”

After all, one did not throw a monster at someone in that particular manner if they weren’t going to linger around and see if his enemy made it out or not. Yorick figured this didn’t have much to do with killing them. Maybe toying with but more likely testing. For what purpose Yorick didn’t know. Which is why he was taking a shot in the dark.

A guy lingering for no reason was bound to keep one interested enough to stay right?

“How easily you resort to insults when I’ve only treated you with the respect  worthy of my adversary.” The voice sounded echo-ie like it was coming from nowhere or everywhere. Yorick turned his head looking for any place he could have been hiding but found nothing. Infuriating because he’d sounded insufferably smug and Yorick wanted to at least look at his face to scowl back at him for it.

“I think it’s fair I get one free in exchange for the mites,” Yorick said, gesturing to the room and the remaining angry green liquid.

“I suppose you didn’t care for our game much,” Lahabrea’s voice came from behind him with the sound of that weird portal he’d used to leave.

Yorick turned his head casually, trying to cover up the fact he’d jumped just a little. “It’s antithetical for a thaumaturge to move from their place in a fight.”

“And yet you survived and relatively unscathed.” Lahabrea stated, pacing around him while noticeably observing him from behind his mask.

“We have three healers. Kind of hard not to be.” Yorick remarked in exchange. Returning his game with a quirked eyebrow and a curious look.

Lahabrea paused in front of him with an inscrutable look before asking flatly “,why did you call on me?”

“I wanna know more about you.” Yorick said.

“Always paying attention to the wrong thing,” Lahabrea stated in a way like he knew him. Then said with a familiar bitterness “,why don’t you ask your Scions. I’m sure they’ll tell you all you need to know.”

“Oh I’ve heard all about their ‘Paragons’,” Yorick said his face all disgruntlement. He’d been associated with Minfilia since the later days of the Path of the Twelve. He’d heard the growing worries and threats to the realm right before the organization collapsed with the Calamity and reformed as the Scions in smaller number. “I want to hear it from you.”

“You couldn’t possibly conceive the truth you’re looking for. It would serve me better to cut your inquiries short than answer them.” Lahabrea leaned over him. Yorick never quite hit five fulms in height so it wasn’t exactly hard to seem intimidating. He just didn’t have it in him to have a normal reaction about the difference. When the talons of Lahabrea’s gloves had come threateningly toward his throat, Yorick simply lifted his head and pulled his leather collar away to grant them greater access.

He shrugged it all off stating dryly “,got me there. Pretty stupid and need things written out for me more times than not. Nevertheless, I’m going to keep asking.”

The Ascian pulled back up to his full height and looked at him with some sort of smug emotion. Appraisal? Curiosity? He thought it was something positive at least. His voice was still cloying. “Are you sure you’ll be able to find your way in the dark after walking in the light?”

Yorick barked a singular indignant “hah” that didn’t quite count as a laugh. His face was all offense as he pointed a claw of his gauntlet at him. “I’m a Keeper of the Moon, sir! We’re meant to live there.”

The robed man brought his mask to sit against the claw with a “thunk” and crooned a mocking “,Maybe next time…”

That had begun their clandestine meetings. Yorick would spot Lahabrea standing somewhere only he’d see him and excuse himself from whatever situation he was stuck in. Not hard considering it was his wont to escape any situation he didn’t want to be in which was every situation that concerned other people. Even if he wasn’t adverse to them, the idea of becoming close to anyone left a bad taste in his mouth. Other times he’d appear in private. It didn’t seem like walls or doors mattered to the robe. Not a few times he’d wake up in the middle of the night of whatever inn he was staying at to find him sitting in a chair across from him.

Just like this.

Looking back, Yorick couldn’t really figure out why Lahabrea had humored him so. Knowing what he knew, he was dedicated to his one true god. Whether that be Zodiark or his late wife Athena from the corrupting force of her black auracite. Maybe they were one in the same in his mind. He had been a strange man. Never giving him any real answers. Or giving him all the answers and none of the context. He’d been right in a sense, he was blinded by his understanding of things so he couldn’t see the forest for the trees. It wouldn’t have changed anything.

He supposed he should feel guilty for going behind his associate’s backs. He didn’t. They only ever talked and they talked largely about nothing. Mostly they argued. Half a dozen moral debates that seemed horribly stilted. And then one of them might get angry and storm off. Yorick was easily wound but he also had a talent for being annoying. Part of which was his insistence on calling Lahabrea by any name but that. Laha was most common but others like Laheeha, Breeha, and if he was feeling particularly cheeky: Lahabreehaha. Other times they were quiet. Unable to find anything to fill the silence or a proper reason to be around one another and yet… they lingered. He hadn’t really meant to keep it a secret and had resolved to tell them. The problem was that Yorick was usually in a fog and was only ever coherent in these scattered moments and on the battlefield. Otherwise he’d simply forget and get lost in his own mind and if he thought about doing something hard enough he’d simply fool himself into thinking he had.

Lahabrea had killed him.

He remembered that clear as day. Yorick was not meant for the light and fire. He was meant for dark shadows of deep forests and the crushing abyss of the sea but ever since the meteors had fallen he’d been aflame. He’d turned from Thaumaturgy to the arts of Black Mages and though those arts were things he had long coveted, he was soon outpaced by his peers. They’d all fought valiantly but Lahabrea was on another level. All the fire and dark magic he possessed was unlike anything Yorick was familiar with. Just when Yorick thought they’d scrape by the skin of their teeth, he’d killed them.

He had the faintest idea that he should feel betrayed but he didn’t. That was their job and he would have done the same. This was preferable even, though he did mourn the loss of his associates who were worth more than him. It was more the power of Hydaelyn that made him rueful. That surged in him and his fallen comrades to bring them back. Bid him fight on in this never ending struggle. Oh, but the burn did not leave his mind.

“Cover me,” Yorick had called to his fellows.

The darker skinned dragoon with white hair yelled out a “what?” picking the most inopportune moment to turn around and almost got blasted for it.

“I said,” Yorick yelled louder, planting his feet and beginning to cast his spell. “,Cover. Me.”

Recalling the way those flames had swirled as it had consumed him. It was darkness and it was flame and it was something more. He couldn’t replicate that but he could just replicate some of the same principles. The fireball that was forming over his head grew to a fierce size in glorious reds and golds. And then it shrunk before exploding once more in a lovely shade of blue. Lahabrea’s head jerked from the assault of a dragoon and their various many healers just in time to see that blue ball hurtling at him, Yorick’s cackling resounding as it did.

What happened after that, the blade of light, Hydaelyn’s voice, the very many souls of their companions and allies pooling to banish Lahabrea from the body of the friend he’d possessed. That had to be told to Yorick after the fact as he’d immediately passed out after tossing his flame. He’d become a little glass canon after that. The fire was fierce but it took a moment and Yorick was not only defenseless while casting but more or less useless before and after while he recouped his mana. He was put on the sidelines more as he refined his technique and that suited him fine.

He’d also been told that Lahabrea hadn’t died. That they’d simply destroyed his corporeal body and he’d likely return. It was taking him time though and it was making him antsy. Really he didn’t know what irritated him more. The idea that Lahabrea hadn’t bothered to see him or that they might have hurt him a great deal more than they’d thought.

Yorick was a very foolish man prone to very foolish emotions. He’d done a damned good job of convincing himself otherwise when Lahabrea showed up again. Largely because that’s when things had fallen apart and they’d all had to flee to Coerthas. He was stretched thin at that point and Lahabrea had seemed like a blessing from Menphina. Like a warm darkness to curl up when one had been blinded by snow.

Yorick had all but run to him and felt stupid for it but he was all but spent and didn’t have enough left in him at that point to care. Nor to stop himself from grabbing unto those stupid robes just to feel something real. That was mildly more embarrassing after the fact and to keep his face hidden he’d plopped his forehead against Lahabrea’s chest.

“What are you doing?” Lahabrea asked, just as befuddled over the whole matter. He’d placed his hands on Yorick’s shoulder as if to move him but he never did.

“I don’t know,” Yorick groaned, his stubby ears and tail flicked with his embarrassment. When the shove he’d been waiting for didn’t come he added “I’m glad you're back.”

“That’s absurd.” The other mad said accusingly.

“I know.”

“You’re a fool.”

“I know.”

They were more quiet the second run. Yorick was fighting his own stupid feelings and trying to be oh so normal about all of it. There was nothing normal about any of this. Lahabrea was more irritated but less weird. He’d been boastful and loose with Yorick before but now he’d held himself with reservation. Yorick wasn’t sure about the change. He’d just settled on the idea that this was Lahabrea injured and just didn’t bring it up. The Yorick that was sitting across from an empty chair realized now that being kicked out of his body had likely freed Lahabrea from the influence of the Heart of Sabik and its corrupting influence to some extent. More in control of himself he should have cut things off with Yorick but they continued their meetings though they spoke with more care.

Still, Lahabrea would tell him nothing. Though it was not about the grandiosity of their plan but that it simply wasn’t Yorick’s place to know. Hydaelyn and her servants would need to fall for the reemergence of his dark god and it wouldn’t do him any good. It was almost patronizing but there was a note of respect there that kept Yorick from truly getting mad. He’d remind him that he didn’t know enough about the “Mothercrystal” to be so loyal and Lahabrea would consider him but ultimately deem it too risky. Yorick burned too much with her light.

They circled around the same topics though the events that took place in Ishgard gave them more than a few new conversation points for their moral discussions. Though ultimately Yorick’s opinions largely circled back around to “rich bastards are just like that”. He’d asked if Lahabrea or his friends were responsible for the mess in Ul’dah that had made them flee. Lahabrea said not every bad thing that had happened to him was a plot of the Ascians and they all did a good enough job ripping themselves apart with them. Yorick had snorted at that with amusement and had to agree. It hadn’t felt like him. It just felt like Ul’dah.

The last night in Yorick’s room had felt different. Lahabrea was alluding to half a dozen things he wouldn’t elaborate on that made his fur stand on end. Heavy tension like before the storm. Like the way the Twelveswood felt when the primal Odin was stalking its paths. He’d needed to reach out to him like before. Keep himself tethered. He grabbed one of his robes sleeves between his thumb and pointer finger. Flesh on cloth, It was too cold in Ishgard to keep wearing his clawed gauntlets.

Lahabrea had stared at his hands and said with a cruel note to his voice “,this won’t save you.”

Yorick frowned a half dozen other words coming to his mouth but settled on a remorseful “,I can’t save you either.”

That hadn’t been the point.

Lahabrea died. Killed in front of him. He’d burned the Archibishop and every single god damned knight that followed him for it. Damn his god king and his church and Halone and all of Ishgard while he was it. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. It should have been by his hands. Then at least he’d have guilt instead of just an empty room. An empty chair.

Yorick’s grief hid in the grief his colleagues held for another. None of them batted an eyelash but then Yorick wasn’t one who could let go of his losses. He carried them with him like medals that would one day drag him under. Let them, he’d thought. And let all who knew him watch as he let it happen. It would be his revenge against the powers that be for letting him live and Lahabrea for dying.

A lot had happened in the three years since Lahabrea died. He’d learned about other worlds, ancient civilizations and the horrors of their downfall. The missing pieces of the Ascian puzzle fell into place. They, too, were beings ruled by their grief. Yorick had come out of all of it a little weirder. Which wasn’t saying much but some of the weight he’d been carrying had been unintentionally washed out of him. He picked up a bow again though his aim was noticeably shittier than ever. He learned how to sing. Though in a way that perhaps unnerved his friends whom he still could not call friends. He’d chained himself to a voidsent. He was the best he’d ever been and the absolute worst. Which was exactly how he liked things.

Then the call for help rang from Pandaemonium. A sort of hellish research lab in Elpis; the past. The head of whom happened to be Lahabrea. Though it was not him he found there but a badly disguised Elidibus and another ancient named Erichthonios. Who also just happened to be Lahabrea’s son. Which had risen a couple of questions including a half thought out “Lahabrea fucks?” which had received Yorick a swift knock to the back of his head. Not enough to hurt but enough to remind him they were in particular company. Needless to say, Erich didn’t like him much to begin with. That was a pretty typical reaction to Yorick though it was hard to ignore his charms. Like a grungy stray that refused to be pet but wouldn’t leave one’s yard. It was endearing as it was off putting.

Lahabrea was not how Yorick thought he’d be. He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d expected and realized he’d probably be surprised by anything. After all, Yorick had gotten used to the mask that had shrouded Lahabrea’s possessed vessels that it was his face as far as he was concerned. Might as well have been considering he’d learned “Lahabrea” wasn’t even a name but a title but that was neither here nor there. It was weird seeing him bare faced with it hanging off his chest. Dark skin, gray (or really an off white pink) hair save a few spots of red. His face was noticeably lined with age which surprised Yorick who had never thought of him as being particularly old. Nevertheless he’d had that same extremely weird attitude.

“Lahahee,” He had said with such confidence despite the fact several confused looks were passed his way.

“It’s Lahabrea,” Erich had gently supplied.

“I know Labreeha, Erich,” Yorick stated indignantly, pointing at himself as he did so. “Erich” drew his lips into a line and the expression that passed over his face was of a man who was trying to decide if he should be concerned or laugh.

Then things got complicated as another Lahabrea showed up and the first one was revealed as an imposter named Hephaistos who still looked an awful lot alike Lahabrea just younger and to the left though that last part might have been because he had a noticeable lack of eyebrows. This had left Yorick all a little confused and put out. (Where did they [the eyebrows] go? Flashing in his head a half dozen times. That question was going to haunt him.) But the second real Lahabrea wasn’t dissimilar to how Yorick had known him after he and his cohorts had liberated him from his body. Which meant he had the affect of a very grumpy accountant.

He was also still very attractive. Yorick cursed out Menphina a half dozen times in his head and Erichthonios’ estimations of him took another steep dive as he was doing a shitty job of not looking interested. This had also shocked and horrified the other Warriors of Light whom were very interested in why his reaction had been more fond than adversarial. This is when Yorick had realized he never got around to telling them all about his little talks with their supposed foe.

That was going to get real annoying when it eventually reached Thancred’s ears.

At the moment they had bigger problems. Like a bunch of researchers (Or zookeepers? He’d lost the thread a while ago) were being grafted to their wards and some weird plot by Hephaistos that involved Lahabrea’s late wife. Soon to be undead wife? He wasn’t sure on that one either. He had been paying attention for once. He just still had no idea what was going on. It was pissing him off. Lahabrea had called him interesting again though. That was something. Technically all of the “aether thin” denizens of the future were understandably interesting to him but that wasn’t really relevant. Acting normal had been an ability he’d given up on a year or so ago.

Lahabrea did get the brunt of that as he’d made several attempts to interact which were derailed or rebuffed. They didn’t have the same history as before, Yorick noted. Yorick was also less of himself but something else. Another him entirely and this whole ordeal was making him increasingly weird about it all. The same dynamic of before could hardly be diminished but Yorick still liked to prod him, especially now that he could clearly see Lahabrea’s brows wrinkle with something between concern and annoyance. It was cute.

A family altercation had somehow turned into Erichthonius denouncing his father and getting spirited off elsewhere into the facility. A trap laid by Hephaistos counting on Lahabrea’s lack of consideration for his son’s feelings. There was a notable disregard for Erichthonios’ grief that Themis had to point out. Lahabrea made some excuse about wanting to save his son’s feelings and Yorick had more or less piped in that being a shitty father wasn’t the way to soothe hurts. Rage had spilled over Lahabrea’s face but smoothed over with his resignation to his faults.

It was weird seeing this side to him. Weird to learn more about his dead… whatever he had been to him. He was a shitty father, sure. Still he was trying. That was made clear when they’d proceeded further into the facility and unearthed the truth of Athena’s sins against her own son. Ones that had driven Lahabrea to kill her and rip his own soul in twain; Hephaistos and Lahabrea. Not everybody did well in the roles they were given or made the right choices but it was better to be able to lament ones mistakes than just choose not to make them. Yorick was mayhaps more than a little biased on the matter.

Regardless, the rescued Ericthonios and Lahabrea were able to hold an open dialogue and it wasn’t perfect but there was understanding. As they made to leave, Yorick pat Lahabrea’s back and gave him an “Attaboy” for the effort. A comment received with a derisive snort which Yorick returned with a cheeky grin.

There was more the story. Something in his present with Pandaemonium resurfacing in the aetherial sea where all dead souls are supposed to be. Another Lahabrea. Another fight. Most importantly he’d been directed back to Elpis to see the culmination of Lahabrea’s efforts in Pandaemonium’s cleanup. While he was there, Yorick was impressed upon by the fact this could be the very last time he’d ever see him alive and a familiar pain rose in his heart. Lahabrea received them with some suspicion but nevertheless filled them in on his efforts and made a rather showing confrontation with Hegemone over her allegiance with Athena.

How this Lahabrea had come to be the man he was familiar with was a question that plagued him. Mayhaps Hades and Themis were forced to flee not with Lahabrea but Hephaistos’ stone? Or it was Erichthonios, driven by the loss of his father and drawing a line between them. Yeah that one had felt particularly foolish but weirder things had happened. He’d learned to think big. The truth of it had been so simple. Lahabrea took Hephaistos back into himself to regain his strength and then, looking at Yorick and speaking almost as if he knew:

“You and I stand on peaks separated by vast chasms. Our perspectives shall never align. And never shall one give way to the other, for such is our nature. With that in mind...let us consider any debts between us to be void. Before you leave here, mark well these words… My resolve shall weather loss unfathomable, and yield before no obstacle. Walk your path with the same conviction.”

Yorick was first on offense but it was a knee jerk reaction. He’d no need to be hurt or bothered by any of it. He laughed. Not one of his cruel cackling peels or the bitter falsities that he was prone to but a clear and bright laugh. He’d thought to say a dozen things but settled only to say “,Understood.”

And he did.

Yorick plopped over in his bed and turned away from the chair. Painful in its emptiness but more painful to forget. He could never figure out why Lahabrea had reached out to him nor stayed so many nights simply to say nothing at all. He’d seen him. Known him. Lahabrea had stepped from his shadows and reached to Yorick through the tempering of the Heart of Sabik when Yorick had called him. And together they had walked this same path many times and would many more.

Yorick, abed, smiled to remember.

Lahabrea had died three years ago. He had talked to him just today. He would go on in a time Yorick had not been born with and would wonder as Yorick wondered of him. And they would meet at toto-rak and it would begin again.

Yorick would go on. He had a beginning and he hoped an end. A single line from a to b. But for them in that loop they were never ending. A circle of their own choices to chase one another bound them in eternal return.

[braveclementine]

Chapter 34

Warnings: None

Copyright: I do not own any Marvel characters or locations. However, I do own my OC: Elizabeth Y/L/N (created so you don't get Y/N and Y/S/N consistently mixed up. I do not condone any copying of this.

"I WANT ANSWERS!" SAM SNAPPED AS HE stormed into the room. "No more beating around the bush, no more lies, no more secrecy, why the hell do the two of you keep antagonizing and just being plain rude to the poor girl?"

Bucky looked up awkwardly from where he was sitting in the corner of the room, his arms resting on his knees.

Steve on the other hand, didn't even glance over at him. "I just want to find Y/N and bring her back safely."

"So you deliberately yell at her!? How is that supposed to help anything?" Sam smarted. "Good lord, how about you just hit her around some and add some physical bruises instead of the emotional ones!"

Bucky actually flinched and Steve just glared over at Sam.

"Why aren't you accepting her? Why aren't you rejecting her? Why are you keeping her somewhere in the middle?" Sam shouted. "Y/N, your precious Y/N that you can never just shut up about even told the two of you not to leave her in the middle!"

"That's enough Sam." Steve demanded. "I've told you time and time again that I have my reasons and that's my-"

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, not anymore. Not when I'm being torn in two as well. You think this decision is only hurting Elizabeth? It's hurting me Steve. How am I supposed to keep doing this? It's like living a double life. One with her and one with you two and Y/N. We were supposed to share everything together! So no. You don't get to keep saying it's only your business! I mean, you've wanted a female presence so badly that you almost went back for-"

Sam cut off and then asked, "Wait. Is this because you think she looks like Peggy?"

Steve didn't look at him now and Sam scoffed, "Unbelievable. She looks nothing like Peggy."

Sam turned on Bucky, "I know you can't possibly be avoiding her because she looks like Peggy! Hell, I've seen the way that you look at her! I know what you like and her long hair has got to be a contributing factor. In fact, I thought you would have preferred Elizabeth over Y/N because of that!"

Bucky's eyes shifted uneasily between Steve and Sam. Sam was hating how Bucky seemed to scared to say anything in front of Steve.

"Who do you love more Sam?" Steve asked quietly. "Us or Elizabeth?"

Sam's mouth actually dropped, "Are you serious right now? I don't love any of you more than I love the others. That's why I need you to tell me why you're not getting along with Elizabeth."

Sam was silent for a moment and then said, "Steve, I love you. I love you Bucky. But if you make me choose, then you're going to lose me."

Sam walked out, slamming the door closed behind him. Then the tears started to flow on both sides.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

ELIZABETH HAD CALMED DOWN ENOUGH to be of some use and the Avengers were off to save Y/N except Clint who had passed out from pain on the couch, and Wanda who had wanted to stay back with Elizabeth.

Wanda watched as Elizabeth knelt by Clint's side, wafting the smelling salts under his nose to wake him up. She also already had a cup of hot milk with cinnamon waiting for when he woke up.

Wanda was sure the young woman would make a wonderful mother and wife. She could've also worked in the medical field, she would be amazing with patients.

"Are you alright?" Elizabeth asked softly as Clint came around.

"Ow." Clint mumbled and winced as he got into a sitting position. Elizabeth set the smelling salts aside, handing him the cup of milk instead.

"Thanks little bird." Clint brightened immensely as he sipped the warm beverage. He looked around the abandoned common room. "Where's everyone else?"

"Stephen transported all of them to find Y/N." Elizabeth answered, getting up to throw the trash away before settling into the arm chair like a cat. "And Hogun's taking a nap. I have no idea where Bruce is."

"He's been checking on Natasha's vitals for the past couple of hours." Wanda answered softly. "He's a little worried about the effects of the magic bond between her and your mother."

Elizabeth nodded a little and turned back to Clint, "How are you feeling?"

"Like the pain never happened. There's no lingering pain anyways." Clint grunted, before draining the rest of the milk. He set the empty cup down on the table in front of him. "But I reckon it's worse when it's actually happening to you."

"I don't remember most of it." Elizabeth said softly. "I was under anesthesia for the most part."

Clint didn't miss a beat. "What about the parts you were conscious for?"

Elizabeth hesitated and then admitted, "I wished I was dead."

Clint rubbed her shoulder comfortingly.

Suddenly, another portal opened up and the rest of the Avengers rushed through. Clint's hand dropped from Elizabeth's shoulder and Wanda watched Elizabeth get up and walk out of the room.

"How'd it go?" She asked Pietro who sat down next to her immediately.

"Fine." Pietro shrugged. "She's back at any rate. With powers, mind you. They're already started arguing about safety precautions."

Wanda sighed. She hated the idea of soulmates. She had two of course, Vision and Rhodey, and both treated her immensely well. But at the same time, having multiple soulmates, especially when it was siblings sharing like Y/N and Elizabeth seemed to be causing more problems than it was worth.

She couldn't really pin blame on any singular person. Elizabeth, she found completely blameless and Y/N was pretty much as blameless as well. Tony and Stephen had been completely unaware, and creatures of habit and they'd made up for what wrong they may or may not have caused. Hogun, Clint, and Thor had done well overall, as had Loki. Sam had slipped up at the club- but really they all had- but since then he'd done well. And Bucky. . . well Bucky seemed to be following Steve's lead.

But could all of the blame really be put on Steve's shoulders?

She wasn't entirely sure what Steve's reasoning was. In the very beginning, a relationship between Elizabeth and Bucky had seemed promising, but now. . .

Bucky was clearly following Steve's orders, but then why would Steve order Bucky to stay away from Elizabeth in the first place? Wanda liked both of the sisters, though both of them had their own problems to deal with. But nothing that seemed that either sister should be shunned by her soulmates.

"Did you hear me?" Pietro asked and Wanda jerked.

"No, I'm sorry." Wanda apologized.

"They want to know your opinion on whether or not Y/N should go into one of the holding cells until her powers are cultivated." Pietro muttered.

The others weren't looking at her and Wanda surveyed the area now. Steve was having a standoff with Tony. Y/N looked furious, red in the face. Clint, Thor, Loki, Stephen, Sam, and Bucky just looked torn.

"This is ridiculous!" Y/N smarted. "Why should I have to go into a holding cell?"

Tony rubbed his eyes. "It seems to be the new protocol Y/N. Elizabeth-"

"-tried to kill me. I haven't tried to kill anyone." Y/N finished.

"She didn't try to kill you." Clint and Wanda said together. Wanda continued, "She simply lost control. You could easily lose control as well. I don't think you should have harsh restrictions, but you have to be watched. Pietro and I both spent time in holding cells until we could control our powers."

Y/N looked extremely angry and Wanda felt terrible. The last thing she wanted was for anyone to be mad at her.

"Perhaps I can take her to Asgard and my mother can work with her instead?" Thor suggested. "She was able to help Elizabeth."

"Yes." Y/N finished. "Why can't I do that?"

No one had an answer.

Wanda noticed that Tony looked horribly upset. Bucky, Steve, and Y/N left the room when no one had any further comments and Tony finally sank into the arm chair Elizabeth had previously occupied, his face in his hands.

Stephen converged on him immediately, murmuring to him.

"Where's Elizabeth?" Loki asked, looking over at Wanda.

"She left when you lot came in." Clint muttered. "I think she was avoiding Y/N."

Wanda was certain that was an accurate guess.

And she couldn't blame her either.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

YOU COULDN'T WAIT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT sort of superpower you had been gifted with. Maybe you'd be able to shoot lasers out of your eyes. Maybe you'd be able to create fireballs and lob them at bad guys. Maybe you could create earthquakes or call up lightning storms. Maybe you could create weapons out of thin air.

Thor and you were sent up to Asgard by yourselves. Steve said he had things he had to deal with back on Earth, but to hurry up and come back home to him. Bucky had been rather silent and you couldn't help but think he looked downcast. He was probably upset to see you go.

You and Thor flew back to the castle, using his lovely hammer. Once landing in front of the castle, you were greeted by Volstagg and Fandral who had been walking in the gardens.

"Hello Friends!" Thor boomed cheerfully. "Have you seen my mother?"

"She's tending to your father in the dining hall." Fandral said. "Or was as of an hour or so ago."

"Thank you." Thor said and the two of you headed off to find his mother.

She was not in the dining hall- nor was Thor's father- but you did find her in the library, books revolving around her with magic. She smiled as the two of you walked in, "Hello dears."

"Hello mother." Thor said, letting her kiss him and then you let her embrace you.

"So, what brings the two of you to visit?" The Queen asked.

"Y/N has developed powers as well and we were hoping that you could help her before she loses control." Thor replied.

"I see." The Queen said, taking on a serious demeanor. "I suppose you should leave us now Thor."

Thor took his leave and you and the Queen were left in the quiet library.

The Queen took your hand and led you over to the couch, the both of you settling on the floor instead.

"Ah Y/N." Frigga said sadly. "Look where your jealousy has gotten you now."

You felt angry with this comment. "I don't understand why you think I'm jealous. Of who?"

"Your sister." Frigga said, looking at you. Her eyes were deep and penetrating. "Why would you let them do this to you?"

"I wanted this." You replied, stretching your hands out to your sides. "I wanted-"

"To stop your sister from being special." Frigga finished.

You winced slightly. "Look, that's just what I told her to get her to leave-"

"But you know deep down it's true. Elizabeth finally had something you didn't, something you wanted even. And you had to go and try and get the same thing. Was it worth it?"

You gaped at the Queen. "It's a superpower! Maybe you don't understand because you have your magic you're entire life, but I wanted to have something special, regardless of whether or not Elizabeth had it. Imagine shooting fireballs from your hands or shooting laser beams out of your eyes! I'll be able to join the Avengers now, go on missions, be a superhero."

The Queen simply looked at you, and didn't answer. "Did you think about the long term consequences? Or if you'd even get such a destructive power?"

Destructive? She clearly didn't know how these things worked. It was all in the comic books.

"Do you want to help, or not?" You grumbled instead of answering.

Frigga sighed. "Of course I'm going to help you. But I wanted you to realize the choices you've made are out of jealousy. I really think you and your sister should talk."

You said nothing, wanting to move onto the part where the Queen actually helped you with your powers.

There was silene in the room for another twenty seconds, and then Queen Frigga settled her hands in her lap. "Close your eyes and let's begin."

⬅️➡️

[yourlocalartsonist]

ROTTMNT Moths Fly In Packs - Chapter Six

A/N: GREETINGS! I HAVE RETURNED! And like, not much to say in this note imma be honest but I am gonna say this chapter is ridiculously cute and wholesome. It does kinda start delving into the more... traumatic aspects of the fic but still, overall just wholesome and sweet. Hope y'all like it <3

Also! Credit to: @sweaterrat for being my beloved beta reader!

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Chapter One

Disclaimer: Chapter involves familial neglect, gaslighting, hinted abuse, injuries, self deprecation, harmful mentalities, hinted animal death, and curse words. If you're sensitive to that stuff, scroll past and stay safe! <3

I squinted at the pale blue ceiling and the blinding lights surrounding me. The air smelled acidic, kinda like the classic “doctor’s office” scent of medicine and alcohol. Groaning, I shifted around on the soft mattress trying to feel my body again. 

“Look who’s finally up.” I remember that voice.

 

“Salena? Are you okay?” April? 

I turned my head to meet April O’Neil’s stressed out face and the blue idiot next to her smiling with his half-lidded eyes.

“Y-yeah I’m okay, I thi- WAIT.” 

My eyes shot open panicked to see April the human casually sitting next to Leonardo the fucking mutant turtle as if that’s a completely normal-everyday thing.

“L-LEO!? April? How- What? Um… d-do y’all know each other???” 

“I could be asking you the same thing.” She laughed and lightly pat my head “Out of all the mutual friends we could’ve possibly had, it just happened to be mutant turtles. Who woulda thunk, aye?” 

Leo shrugged at her comment “It’s a small world.” 

They both seem so comfortable and at ease around each other. Meanwhile, I’m still trying to process the fact that my old tutor and my new turtle friend are together in the same room laughing and joking like they’ve known each other for years. Speaking of rooms actually.

“So um, where am I?” 

“The med bay. April called for an emergency and when I portalled us here, my brothers and I found you on the ground passed out while she was panicking.”

“I didn’t know any hospitals nearby so I figured it’d be faster to just call Leo. Besides, probably would’ve gotten both of us into a lot of shit if I had to explain to a doctor how we ended up like this.” 

SLAM!

The door slid open loud as thunder, nearly making my soul jump out of my body. 

“SALENA YOU’RE AWAKE!” 

“Easy big man, you’ll make them pass out again.” Raph walked into the room chuckling as the tiny tangerine squeezed me in a hug.

“OW! G-good to see you too, Mikey.” 

“You were gone for days! Days! I thought you were dead!”

“WHAT?-“

“Mikey, you’re exaggerating, stop scaring her.” Donnie carried him off me to let me breathe. “You know, when I asked if you were mentally okay, I didn’t intend to have my doubts justified.” 

I laughed nervously and fiddled with my hair, desperate to change the subject “How long was I actually out for?”

“About an hour, give or take. You lost a bit of blood but it wasn’t too bad. A cut on your temple, the bite on your arm, and a few bruises here and there.”

I lightly touched the bandage on my head and noticed my left arm wrapped in the same manner. Neat, clean, and professional. Definitely Leo’s work.

“We were worried about you, Salena.” Raph took a seat on the bed next to me “About both of you. What even happened?”

“You didn’t tell them?” I looked over at April, puzzled since I assumed her confirmed conspiracy would be the first thing she’d talk about.

“Uh, no? I was waiting for you to wake up first. You were my priority.” Oh. I stand corrected. “All I said was that there’s something funky going on with the government and possibly illegal science experiments.”

“Well, then. I guess we should start at the beginning?”

“But of course! And do not miss a single detail. I wanna hear absolutely everything!” The grip on his pencil was so strong, I’m surprised it didn’t break already.

We went on explaining the situation to the boys, getting them caught up with how the day went. Minus the reason I didn’t go to school, they respected it enough to let me keep it a secret. Quite a pleasant surprise, I must say. 

“Wait you blew up the whole place? What happened to the animals?”

“With any luck, they’re dead. I just couldn’t see any other way to save them.”

Mikey looked so dejected. I don’t even blame him, I feel horrible doing it myself. “But what if the government actually treated them well? Maybe they weren’t actually hurt?”

“No, Salena’s right to assume they wouldn’t. Just a disclaimer, I’m not saying I’ve ever used living beings in my experiments-”

“Aside from your brothers?” 

“Hmm, no that doesn’t sound like me.” Donnie ignored her eye roll. I definitely have to catch that story another time. “But I do know when animals and science are mixed together— even by a smaller company— it is usually not a good thing… One can only assume how the government would treat them, especially if it’s hidden from any public criticism. They probably wouldn’t have lived long under those conditions anyway, Mikey.” 

Mikey clung closer to Raph, I’m guessing animals are a soft topic for him. 

“Hey, guys? I’m honestly starting to wonder just how ‘natural’ those giant cats really were.” Her eyes caught my attention “Salena, you remember when they chased us the first time right? They stopped exactly when we left the military bunker-lab-thing.”

I nodded to let her continue. “But when you went back, I found them still chasing you way past the room’s doors. They recognized you.”

“But that ain’t new for animals, they recognize people all the time. That’s why Mayhem knows who we are.”

“Or why he always only scratches your face, Raph?” 

“Leo!”

Ignoring the two goofs, the more thought I gave that theory the more sense it made. “You know, April might be right. When I was sticking on the explosives, some of the cats started swatting at them like they were trying to take them down. Like they actually knew I was trying to explode the place.”

“Argh, we need more evidence to be sure of any of this! But the lab’s gone now. There’s no way to go back and do more investigating.” Oh shit, that’s right... “All I’ve got are some pictures and these weird papers Salena found.”

“Donnie’s on it!”

He flipped on his goggles and inspected the papers as everyone else watched in anticipation. My brain, however, was still hung up on April’s words. When I exploded the lab my focus was on destroying everything to stop the government from hurting those animals. Stop their progress. I didn’t think that it would stop our progress too. Maybe I didn’t even think period. 

“Strange, there aren’t any matches for it in my database. Must be a secret constructed language of some sort. If that’s the case then I don’t think I can really read it without an English translation to its alphabet, and if it’s supposed to be secret I doubt I’d be able to just find it on the internet.”

“So, it’s completely useless?”

“Yep, basically.”

I had a feeling he’d say that. “How delightful.” 

A large hand gently rubbed my back “Hey, don’t get yourself so down in the dumps. You did what you thought best.” 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m not too hung up on it!” Lies.

I appreciate Raph trying to comfort me, I really do. But it’s not stopping the thoughts running through my head. He’s right that I did what I thought was best but clearly, I thought wrong so why does that even matter? 

I felt a buzz on my leg, someone must’ve texted. It’s around four right now so school’s over, Jaiden and Zane might be wondering where I-

WAIT SCHOOL’S OVER!?

“Oh no!”

“Everything okay?” Mikey was speaking again. Well at least there’s that tiny drop of relief in the vast ocean of “Oh fuck”

“No! I forgot the school day ended already! I was supposed to be home half an hour ago! I always tell my aunt if I’ll be home later but I didn’t expect that to happen today.” I fumbled around trying to get my stupid phone out, seeing my nightmare confirmed reality as my aunt began blowing it up with texts. “Haha, I am so dead.” 

“Can’t you just tell her you’re over at a friend’s place? That’s what April does.”

“Donnie, my aunt and April’s parents are very, very different.” I glanced over at April, then back at him “She’s not gonna let me stay. I need to go, like, right now.”

“Ah ah ah ah ah ah!” A pair of hands placed themselves on my shoulders and plopped me back down. “You’re not going anywhere. You’ve gotta rest up first.”

“But-”

“You weren’t deadly injured or anything, but it was still pretty bad and you healed suspiciously fast. Faster than you should’ve. I wanna monitor your health just in case it gets worse later so you need to stay the night.”

“Oh ho no! No no no no, you guys don’t understand! If I don’t leave now the only place I’ll be staying in is a coffin.” 

He scoffed “Well, it’s not gonna be much different if you leave in this condition, either. Look, we’ll figure something out but I’m not letting you leave this room till I’m sure you’re not just gonna drop dead. At least not somewhere I can’t reach you.”

He crossed his arms. I was about to object till I heard April’s voice.

“Hey, listen. Just give your aunt a call, put her on speaker, and we’ll all tell her what happened together. And if anything goes wrong, just leave it to me, m’kay? It’ll be fine, promise.” She gave me a reassuring wink. “Better than letting you go back like this.”

April knows what my aunt is like, I’ve talked to her about it before and she’s even met her once. My hands are shaking but if April’s saying it’ll be okay then maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Besides, I could use some time to heal myself before I get back to housework. 

Alright, Salena. You’ve got this. Just be calm. Like April said it’ll be okay!

I took a deep breath and clicked the call button. Not even one ring passed before she picked up and justified every ounce of my anxiety.

“SALENA! WHERE ARE YOU? YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE HOME!” 

“Uh, h-hey Phuphu! So uh, funny story…” I twirled my hair trying to ease my nerves. “Well, first actually, you’re on speaker, I’m with some friends right now. W-we wanna talk to you real quick.”

“You’re with friends!? You left a ridiculous amount of chores lying undone and you’re out fooling around with friends!?”

“U-um no, not like that! Uh…” Well, there goes staying calm.

Raph cleared his voice “Um, hello Ma’am! My name’s Raphael, just wanted to clarify we’re not fooling around! Salena actually got-”

“Wait, IS THAT A BOY?” Dear sweet heavens have mercy. “Salena, are you neglecting your responsibilities to hang out with boys!?”

“No! I wasn’t trying to push any chores away, I promise!”

“Can someone tell me why us being male is such a huge deal?” 

“S-she’s a little old fashioned, don’t question it.” I whispered to Donnie trying to hint at him to drop it. If my aunt went on another “boys and girls shouldn’t be friends” lecture my brain will physically combust and crumble into tiny shreds of cringe and pain.

“Another boy? Salena, how many are you with right now?”

“Four of us plus April, tía! I can call you tía, right?” Oh god no Leo PLEASE. “Look, while I’m sure we’d all love to chat and get to know each other, let’s cut to why we actually called you, hm? Salena got hurt today, they’re fine now but they need to rest. We’re planning on having her stay over for the night to make sure they heal properly.”

“YOU WANT TO STAY AT A HOUSE FULL OF BOYS? Oh my god, what is the matter with you?” 

“Phuphu, I-I need to. I really can’t go home like this, I promise if I could I would.”

She sighed heavily through the phone “Salena, I know you’re not as pretty as Meeta but if you were going to fool around with men, you could at least make sure they’re rich.” 

…

WHAT.

The room went so silent I swear you could hear my internal screaming.

I laughed a little too loud and grit my teeth “Phuphu, I thought I told you you’re on speaker?”

“Yes, and?”

“You know what, give it to me. I’ll take over.” I placed my phone in April’s open palm, astonished at how confident she sounded considering the rest of us were still fucking speechless “Hi there! This is April O’Neil, Salena’s friend and old tutor. You remember me, dontcha?”

“Oh, you. As if I could ever forget.” I could taste her bitterness from all the way over here. She never really liked April. Probably only ‘cause April didn’t hate me.

“Perfect! So, Leo already told you but Salena got a head injury today, kind of a big deal. They’re staying over at my place for the night since it’s too far to walk her home, the guys will leave after a bit. My parents and I’ll take great care of her so you don’t gotta worry ‘bout a thing!” She’s lying. Honestly, smart move, don’t know why I didn’t just try that first.

“Oh of course, because the dishes will just do themselves, won’t they? Salena’s being dramatic, she’ll be fine.”

“No offense, but I think you and your daughter can survive one day without them doing everything for you. But, if you really can’t, then I’ll help!”

Hold the fucking phone, what? “A-April, what are you doing?”

“And how much are you going to charge me for your ‘help’.“

“Nothin’! Since you’re family of a friend, my services will be free ninety-nine. She’s gotta stay in bed for- Leo when can they go home?”

“Probably tomorrow at noon. That’s the soonest I’m willing to risk.”

“Then they’ll be home by noon tomorrow. Till then, I’ll cover for them! I don’t have any classes left, anyway.”

“…Fine. If you can come later today to do her chores, then she can stay. But I’m not allowing another minute afternoon!” 

“You got yourself a deal. Have a nice day!” 

And just like that, it was over. I’m left wondering how the hell human hearts could beat so fast. April triumphantly hung up and gave me back my phone. She’s sure doing a lot for me today…

“Dang, slay April!” Mikey was the first to react “That was so cool! How’d you even do that so smoothly?” 

“Thanks but I really just knew which buttons to press. Salena’s aunt and I met before so I’ve got a neat little cheat sheet on how to deal with her.”

“Ugh while we’re on the topic, Salena, your aunt sucks! Why was she making such a fuss over literally nothing? Seriously, she annoyed me so much I started hacking the call to track down her address! For reasons completely unrelated to violence, of course.” 

“Uh, how did you even do-“

“Don’t worry about it.” 

“Dontron, you know they live in the same apartment right?”

“Really though, does everyone in your life suck? I mean, we got your hoser friend, Zane, and now your aunt. You want another session with Doctor Feelings?”

“I’m good.” I’m tired. “Sorry for how she treated you guys. I honestly don’t know how my aunt and dad were raised under the same roof but alas, here we are.”

“Hey, don’t sweat it. Not like it’s your fault. Raph is sure none of us care a single bit about what that crazy old lady said! Right guys?”

“Correcto! But, now that we’ve got that bullshit settled, shouldn’t we go back to the true matter at hand?” He waved the paper in front of us, I’m kinda surprised it wasn’t trashed already. “April, you’re absolutely positive you can’t give me anything more to go off of? Anything at all?”

“Well, I can try. There’s gotta be something we’re missing or forgetting about.” 

“Hey, hermanos, I am more than happy to talk more about this whole government conspiracy stuff, but maybe we should do it in another room and let Salena, ya know, actually rest?” 

What? “But I’m the only other person who was there! I should be here to help.”

“You’ve helped enough, Salena. If Leo says you need to rest then you need to rest. I’ll be fine on my own.” 

Her tone was soft. Her smile was warm. And even then, I can’t help worrying it’s just an act. I’m the reason she even has to do so much, there’s no way she’s not even a little bit upset at me.

“Isn’t it a bad idea to leave her here alone, though? Raph can stay behind.” 

“No need to, big bro, I already texted Dad. He said he’s on his way so she’ll be okay.” 

“Perfect, perfect, now onward, brethren! Mysteries and research are on the horizon and I can wait no longer!” After his dramatic exit, everyone followed Donnie in pursuit. 

Leo paused, though. His head turned, looking a little conflicted before walking back towards me.

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay? No headaches or nausea or anything?”

“Yep, I think I’m feeling pretty fine.”

“Okay, well, in that case.”

Flick!

“OW! What was that for?”

“Stop impulsively jumping into everything like a maniac. You’re gonna get yourself hurt.” 

“Hmph, look who’s talking.” I huffed and dramatically rubbed my forehead at the stinging sensation. It didn’t actually hurt that much but it did hurt my pride, so.

“Exactly! If I’m saying you’re being too reckless then you should probably listen.” His bright eyes dimmed, looking down for a slight second, then right back at mine. “Hey, I know I said you didn’t get hurt too badly but still. You just got lucky, Salena. You really need to be a little more careful and a little less of an… adrenaline junkie, as charming as it is. You’re not invincible, ya know.”

He’s being serious. “I know, I know. I’ll… I’ll try.” I didn’t realize how worried everyone would be over me. It feels a little bittersweet.

“Good enough for me. Try not to give me and my brothers a heart attack next time we meet, aight?” He slid the door back open, ready to join his brothers. “Oh, hey pops!”

Pops? Must be their dad.

…HOLY SHIT I’M MEETING THEIR DAD?

I quickly straightened up and smoothed out my clothes, frustratingly praying my hair didn’t look like a drunk pigeon’s nest. I was so distracted from everything else going on at lightning speed, I didn’t realize Leo just asked their dad to come in and basically babysit me! I can’t believe my first impression of him is gonna be when I look as presentable as a toddler in a restaurant. 

“You must be the new friend.” I followed the new voice, lowering my head to meet the person it came from. 

A round gray rat carrying a tray with two cups of tea. He was dressed in a bronze and gold-colored robe, their family symbol as the centerpiece in red. I don’t know why but I thought he’d be taller.

“U-um yes! I am. My name is Salena, it’s nice to meet you Mr…?”

He chuckled, setting the tray down on a table “Oh please, formalities are for old losers. Call me Splinter.” 

“Right! I didn’t mean to call you old or anything. Well, nice to meet you, Splinter! My name’s Salena!”

“Um yes, you’ve already told me.”

“R-right again!” Dumbass, get a grip. “Sorry um, I’m not really all too great at this socialization ordeal so, ya know… B-but it’s nothing you did! Or said! You’re a really cool dude- er, rat! Whichever you prefer! Wow, I am totally blowing this.” I’ve been talking with my hands, awkwardly laughing, and fumbling with my words for a minute straight.

He laughed at me confirming that I did, in fact, look like an idiot. ”Calm down, calm down! Here, drink some tea. Your body will thank you.”

He handed me one of the small cups with bronze-colored tea, tiny citrus kernels sprinkled all over. I took a sip. A sweet aroma with a spicy ginger taste. I recognized it immediately. It’s been a long while since I’ve had a warm cup of tea like this. Definitely did the trick as my nerves started settling down. 

“Thank you. Sorry about the awkwardness. I did intend to have a better first impression but, ya know.” I looked down at my bandaged arm and sighed “Didn’t quite work out that way.”

He smiled gently, “Yeah, life has a funny sense of humor sometimes.”

“Ha! You can say that again.” 

We sat on the bed drifting off to our own private thoughts, the room now filled with a soft, tranquil vibe. Unfortunately, seeing as my brain hates me, a part of me was still antsy from the whole day just completely unable to relax. I feel overwhelmed and exhausted and it’s not even just physically. There’s just too much going on…

“Spit it out.”

Wh-what? “Spit out the tea?..”

“Yes- I MEAN no! Why would I ask you to spit out the tea?”

I shrugged “Beats me.”

He sighed and rubbed his head, still staring at the wall. “I meant I can tell something’s bothering you. I’m already updated on what happened earlier, so feel free to talk about it.”

“...I’m fine. Tired, but fine.”

“I’ve raised four kids and mentally adopted three more. If you think that’s all it takes to lie to me, then I have very bad news for you.”

My fingers combed through my hair, trying to soothe my stupid, restless mind. 

“I mean, it’s not too bad. I’m just… I dunno, disappointed I guess?”

“About the mission? Or about yourself?”

I scoffed. “What’s the difference? The mission failed because of me. If I just listened to April, maybe things would’ve ended up better.” I vented my frustrations on the teacup, loudly setting it down on the saucer. ”Instead, I ran off and got myself hurt, and now well… I might’ve destroyed the biggest lead she had to solving all of this! Ugh, I’m such a moron- ow!” I slapped my forehead annoyingly forgetting how that’s the literal worst course of action I could’ve taken.

“You made a mistake, everyone does that.”

“Well, yeah, but I keep making mistakes! Over and over and over again! I got hurt, I worried everyone, I ruined April’s mission, I forgot to call my aunt so now April has to do my chores for me!” And I don’t even know what I did to upset Jaiden. Hell, maybe even Zane! Maybe he did know Jaiden had plans with me and decided to fuck me over cause he was mad, too! “I don’t know how but I keep screwing up everything I touch.”

“Salena, there’s a difference between thinking you screwed up and thinking of yourself as a screw up. And you” he paused, pointing a pink finger at me “are doing the latter.”

I raised my brow “Uh, don’t take this the wrong way but… why does that matter? The mission failed either way, it’s not like I can just blast back in time and redo it.”

“Correct! You cannot change the past!” Mimicking my actions from earlier, Splinter placed his own cup on the saucer. “You shouldn’t be dwelling on things you have no control over anymore.”

“I’m dwelling on it because I regret it! I regret hurting my friends.”

He let out a long sigh. “You know, you remind me of a young boy I used to know very well.” I do?

“He was annoying.” Oh. “And impulsive. And reckless, stupid, never thought things through.”

“Okay, I-I think I get-”

“Overly ambitious, overly terrified, constantly bickering, raging perfectionist,” He went down the list counting with his fingers as my soul kept dying a little bit more “but above all, he hurt people. He hurt the ones he loved and he regretted it. Even after his life changed its entire course, the regret never left him.”

He closed his eyes, deep in thought. “He focused on that regret, focused on his mistakes. He was raising four boys all on his own and still could only see what he lost or what he had done wrong. He regret all the things he couldn’t give them, the normal life he lost for himself and his sons. He regretted those things over and over again. And because of that regret, he pushed his family away. He hurt them even more. All because he couldn’t forgive himself for hurting them before.”

He looked at me as I realized who this was about. “Salena, I don’t know how life’s been for you to be so laser-focused on your mistakes. I can only hope it was kinder to you than it was to me. But, I’m trying to help you realize something it took me years to finally accept.”

“And that is?...”

“My sons never regret having me as their dad. They were never obsessed with my failures as much as I was, even when they should have been. You failed one mission, I’ve made years worth of mistakes as a parent. And yet, my kids forgave me. I’m sure they’ve already forgiven you, assuming they were even upset in the first place. All that’s left is for you to forgive yourself.”

The room went quiet again. I thought about his words, letting them swirl around in my mind. I couldn’t think of anything useful I’d done, at least he still raised four mutant children all on his own. But that could also just be my perspective. Maybe he’s right, maybe I am just being harder on myself than anyone else is. But I’m still so scared…

“Splinter?”

“Yeah?”

“Um… do you really think April isn’t mad at me? For… for failing as badly as I did?”

“Well, she didn’t look upset to me. But, I’m not April, am I? If you’re really unsure, just go and talk to her.”

I pursed my lips. “That’s never gone well for me before, though. I get yelled at when I try.”

“Then maybe you weren’t the problem. Maybe it was the people who yelled at you for daring to check if they were okay.” He gently placed his hand on mine. His touch felt familiar and strangely nostalgic. “Still, it’s your life, Pink. Your choice. Don’t feel pressured to do something you aren’t ready to. But, if you do choose to talk to her, I can assure you April’s way too patient to be upset at you for trying.” He chuckled “She’s friends with my boys, she has to be!” 

There’s something so relaxing about his presence, I can’t help but smile. 

“Thank you. I think I’ll try talking to her, just later when my mind feels clearer.”

He gave me a dorky thumbs up. “I’ll be rooting for you!”

They’re really lucky to have him as a dad.

“Would you like a distraction for now?”

“Yes, please. It’s been a really long day.”

“Great, we can watch some of my films! I’ll even give you my own personal director’s cut!” He pulled out his phone and my jaw dropped when I saw the man on the screen, someone I almost entirely forgot about.

“NO WAY!!! YOU’RE LOU JITSU!?” I literally could not stop my hands from flapping in excitement as I explained to him my family’s adoration of Lou Jitsu movies. We used to watch them together all the time, both mom and dad were obsessed with him! I don’t really remember much about the movies, though, so it’s kinda like getting to watch them for the first time now.

The rest of the night went by pretty smoothly. Mostly consisted of Splinter showing me his movies and commercials while giving behind-the-scenes anecdotes about them as I very enthusiastically listened. Mikey and Raph would drop by whenever it was time to eat and Leo checked my vitals every now and then. They’re all a little busy for the most part, though, so it’s a good thing Splinter was here to keep me company. Plus, he seemed to enjoy it just as much as I did.

I didn’t really see April even after she returned back from my aunt’s place. I can only assume she and Donnie were busy the rest of the day trying to pick at every minuscule detail to stretch into a working theory, at least one that satisfies them for now. I replayed Splinter’s words from earlier. His suggestion to go talk to her. I have no idea why but I’m feeling the urge to right now, the time just feels right. So I slid off the bed, shakily getting my footing enough to walk. 

I dragged my body up the stairs to their living room, also known as Splinter’s man cave, and found April there packing her backpack and getting ready to leave.

She perked up when she saw me “Oh, hey! How’re ya feeling? Better than before?”

“Yeah, I think. My head doesn’t hurt as much anymore!” My nerves weren’t entirely gone so a part of me is still hesitating as I’m trying to properly form words. “Are you going home?”

“Yep, I need some serious relaxation after today. And shouldn’t you be doing the same? Doctor Leon’s gonna lose his head if he sees you waltzing around without any help.”

“Oh please, what’s he gonna do? Throw a pun at me?” 

We laughed as the air in the room felt a little bit lighter.

“Actually I wasn’t really just walking for no reason. I wanted to talk to you, April.”

She cocked her head and smiled, sitting down on the floor and patting the area next to her to ask me to join. “Alright, shoot. What is it?”

“Well… okay, full disclosure, this might be a little dumb and just me being paranoid. Or, actually I’m starting to think more and more that it really is just me being paranoid. Point is, I just… I…”

She hummed to let me continue. I fiddled with my fingers and calmed myself down enough to let it out.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

I looked at her, she seemed genuinely confused. “You’re seriously not mad at me? Like, at all? I mean I quite literally barged back into your life on a day when you had a very important mission, proceeded to tag along on that mission, and then ruined it by being dumb and impulsive. I blew it, literally. You’re not upset?”

“Is that what this is about?” Why’s she finding it so funny? “No, of course I’m not mad! You caused your first explosion, no biggie. We’re friends with four bozos who do that all the time! This shit’s normal in this household.”

“Okay um, first of all, what the fuck. Second, I still feel like you shouldn’t be so… casual about it. I mean, even if arson is normal, I still failed. You spent so long trying to track down any lead you can and the first place you find, I show up and explode it before we can get anything that actually made this whole mess worth it.” I can feel my nails in my arms. “And to top it all off, you’re still doing favors for me and taking care of my chores just so I can rest. Even though you need it just as much as I do! April, I just… feel bad. I shouldn’t have joined your mission like an idiot in the first place. I just didn’t wanna be alone. I was being selfish.”

I kept my eyes tunnel visioned on my hands, I can feel April staring at me and I know damn well if I look her in the eyes now I’ll start crying. 

I heard her sigh “Hey, I’ll be honest, I would’ve done the same thing back when I was sixteen. Hell, forget that, I’d probably still do it now if I wasn’t focused on getting you to safety at the time.” Her hand felt soft on my shoulder “I’m not saying whether or not you did the right thing, I’ve got no clue about that myself. But you did what you thought best and that’s what matters.”

“Even if my best wasn’t enough?”

“Your best is always enough.” 

She moved her hand away to wrap her arm around my shoulders. “And for the record, I’m actually happy you ‘barged back into my life’! We have more excuses to hang out now that you know the weirder side of everything.” 

I laughed and felt myself relaxing. I could finally look at her again. “Yeah, I guess so! Although, I think things would go a bit smoother if I had an actual weapon like you guys do.”

Her eyes lit up, the look of mischief plastered all over her face. So much so it actually concerned me. 

“I might actually know a little secret that can help you with that.”

It wasn’t long before the new information lit my eyes the same exact way. At least now I finally have the motivation to go back to school.

I slept pretty peacefully that night. Leo slept on the floor next to me just in case something happened so we ended up talking quite a lot before eventually passing out. The med bay bed is surprisingly cozy and my mind finally felt refreshingly blank. 

I woke up in the morning, stretching my arms, and turning to see two long black gloves covered with white rings and a purple note placed on the desk. I picked it up and read it.

Because you’re seemingly unable of not injuring your fucking arms, here’s a gift to help. P.S.: I whipped this up overnight so if there are any broken features, malfunctions, or unintended explosions, report to my lab immediately. -Othello Von Ryan, Genius Extraordinaire.

I quietly laughed and tried on the gloves. They fit perfectly.

Next Chapter

[bellaramseysgf]

Save Me (B.B)

Warning(s); fighting/violence,guns,knifes,blood,descriptive wounds,reader is hurt,angry Bucky,mention of the winter solider.

Paring(s); Bucky Barnes X Girlfriend! Reader!

Summary; Bucky saves you when you’ve been kidnapped.

A/n; here goes me simping for bucky Barnes :D

Also I know it wouldn’t be this easy to kill dreycov,just lemme have it.

••••••••••••

Bucky had never felt his heart sink like it did when him and Sam entered that house, it reeked of blood the metallic smell filling his senses. “Is she here?” Sam asked as the both stayed close on edge. Bucky could smell your perfume over all of it “yes. I smell her” Bucky said and Sam stopped for a second “man, that’s kinda creepy” Bucky sighed “focus.”

Sam rolled his eyes as they walked deeper into the house, the open windows made Bucky see something glisten he bent down picking it up. “Sam.” He said and he looked over Bucky was holding up the locket Sam had gave you for your birthday earlier that year. It has a picture of you and him and then you and Bucky in the two half’s. “Shit.” Sam huffed.

“Bucky!” Your voice sounding through the house had both sam and Bucky bounding through it.

Cmon let me hear you again doll,please I’m here.

Bucky had to hold back from yelling back trying to hold onto the weapon of surprise. Sam was right behind him “BUCKY!!” Your scream sounded more painful and it had both sam and bucky’s heart tightening. Bucky ran into the room taking once glance at the stair and hauling himself up them.

“Dude, you just jumped like 15 stairs!” Sam said but Bucky ignored him walking up the few he didn’t skip and down the hall. Sam stayed behind him as Bucky pulled the knife from its holder on his side, twisting it on his fingers before he got a good grip.

The only door closed in the whole house was the one in front of them. He glanced at Sam who nodded before Bucky kicked it open wood cracking as it split from it’s hinges.

Bucky’s heart sank, he wanted to vomit. The scene was something from a horror movie. Your blood painted some of the floor, streaks from being dragged. That wasn’t the worst part the worst part was you, seeing you, tied to the fucking chair your skin red with blood, your body covered in bruises and cuts that looked deep enough to kill you.

Bucky didn’t say anything knowing you wouldn’t be left alone, your head down not sure if you were just passed out had his heart pounding. Him and Sam made their way to you in the room careful of where they stepped.

“So you came.” When the voice sounded James jumped turning to see dreycov on the opposite side of the room. Of course it was him, of course. “Who would’ve thought you’d be so easy.” Dreycov said Bucky and Sam staying quiet. “I made you to be something so much more then some soft hearted hero” drey kept talking not leaving his spot.

“You made me to destroy the world.” Bucky corrected “I just took that power away from you” he said and drey let out a laugh. “So my words won’t work on you,but you remember it don’t you? Killing those people some even children.” Bucky swallowed thickly “you won’t get me.” Bucky said confidently “I figured you’d say that.”

“Why do all this?” Sam asked “why kidnapp y/n? Why hurt her, torcher her?” Dreycov laughed again “I didn’t just do that.” He corrected

Bucky felt his heart sinking thinking what he could possibly mean. “You didn’t.” Bucky said and drey smiled “maybe I did, maybe I didn’t” Bucky threw the knife at drey it piercing his shoulder. “You should know better then to fuck with the winter soldier” Bucky said walking towards him.

Sam turned his attention to you. Your cuts were bad,shallow but long and deep but small you were definitely gonna need stitches. “She’s breathing!” He yelled to Bucky as he cut the ropes loose. Your body slumped forward into his chest and he picked you up like a bride.

“Seriously? You think you stood a chance.” Bucky said another knife sinking into his leg making him drop. “I created you, I know all your moves” Drey said smiling up at him bucky’s eyes zeroed in on him. Gun pulled firing two shots one in his opposite leg, the other in his abdomen. “The winter soldier is dead, much like you” that was it the lost shot rang as drey slumped to the floor head shot open.

Sam walked towards him “she needs the hospital, she’s lost a lot of blood.” Sam said and Bucky nodded. “Take her, I’ll clean up and meet you there” sam nodded his wings coming out as he barreled through the glass window.

***

You winced at the pull of the stitch “sorry” the nurse said tugging it. Anesthesia didn’t work on you,you had super soldier abilities so it doesn’t work. “It’s okay, don’t feel bad” you smiled. You were smiling. Sam was shocked. How the hell could you smile after that?.

The deepest cut was across your back it went from your right shoulder down to the mid of your back, it was deep a few inches at least. Sam had to turn his head away from your back he couldn’t stand to look at it.

“Okay last one” the nurse said piercing your skin and pulling the stitch closed. “Thank you” you said and he nodded. “Uhm let me grab you a few things and then you can head out.” You nodded as he left. Sam covered his eyes allowing you to get dressed from the hospital gown. You heard a gruff panting and realized it was Bucky, you could recognize that sound anywhere.

“Bucky!” You whispered trying to be thoughtful of the people next to you. Bucky finally stepped into the curtain closed room. You both just stared at each other for a moment, it had been 3 weeks since you’d seen him. Touched him. Smelled him. Probably the most traumatic 3 weeks of your life but seeing him made it all melt away.

You could see the tears filling his eyes as he saw you, the cuts looked better now being cleaned up or stitched up. “You look good” he said pulling a laugh from you “yeah? Really glad to hear that” you smiled at your boyfriend. “Here” he said handing you your locket.

“Oh, I thought I lost it.” He smiled finally coming to stand next to you. His hand sat gently on your knee “I’m not glass Buck” you said your hand coming up to cup his cheek, thumb running along his jaw. When his eyes met yours again from so close it took your breath away.

Those beautiful steel eyes consumed you like a tidal wave they always did. “I’m okay Buck, these will heal quickly” you said kissing his nose pulling a smile from him. “Still, you got hurt because of me” you nodded “and I’d do it a thousand times over.” You said.

You meant it too, as long as Bucky was safe, you would get hurt as many times as it took. Bucky wanted to hug you but was scared of your wounds. “Don’t be so cautious, I was a avenger for crying out loud” you huffed arms wrapping around his neck. After a minute Bucky’s flesh arm wrapped around your waist.

You were both so caught up you didn’t see the nurse come in, or see the fact Sam got your stuff listening to the instructions. A few more minutes passed and Sam huffed “okay, happy for you guys, we need to go back home” he said and you finally pulled away from Bucky.

You hopped off the bed,your height difference with Bucky being more prominent. You barely made it to his mid chest as you walked beside him, hand in hand.

***

Once back at the safe house, Bucky was sat on the couch as you laid across his lap. Head resting on the cool feeling of his metal arm Sam and Bucky talking about mindless things while you drifted in and out of sleep.

Bucky’s flesh hand trailed the smaller cuts on the back of your thigh, they were already scabbed up and in the process of healing. You could feel the guilt radiating off your super soldier, this wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do this or intended for this to happen how could he blame himself for it. Then again it was bucky, he wishes he had died when he fell off that train. He hates himself and though you and Sam both make it better you can’t fix it.

“You alright, man?” Sam asked sipping his bottle of beer. Bucky nodded at his question glancing over to see your eyes closed. You weren’t asleep but you’re a damn good actor.

“Just…it still rings in my ears. Her screaming my name in pain” he explained his fingers still tracing around the cuts. “What if we hadn’t been there? Would he have killer her?” Sam shook his head “no, if he killed her you would have no interest in saving her. He needed her alive to get you” Sam said trying to be comforting .

“Steve would’ve found her quicker, I can’t believe it took me so long.” Sam sighed “Stop doing that. Stop comparing yourself to Steve. Okay? Steve isn’t here, Steve didn’t save her. You did.” Sam said “she didn’t even like Steve” he added and Bucky laughed at that one. “Yeah, she didn’t. She always complained about how he acted like my husband.” Same chuckled “well, he did” Bucky smiled.

“Well, I’m gonna hit the hay, why don’t we go do something fun tomorrow? Like go day drinking or something.” Bucky nodded “yeah, I’m sure she needs that” he said with a chuckle.

Once sams footsteps faded Bucky leaned down kissing the back of your head. “I love you my butterfly” he whispered and you smiled “I love you more, my super soldier.”

[ramp-it-up]

The One

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warmings:  18+, Minors DNI. Curate your own experience. Cursing, drinking, running, a raging argument in an established relationship, name calling, taunting, drunken raging, Twitter. SMUT, explicit, rough sex, fingering, tit slapping, orgasm denial, spitting, oral sex (mostly female receiving). Also, I’m sleepy. 😴

A/N: Not proofread. Also, I know very little about Chris and Jenny, and have no real opinion about their relationship. I made up the scenario about what happened there for the purposes of the story. THANKS FOR 400 FOLLOWERS TONIGHT! 🥳🎉🎊🍾👏🏽🎈

This fic is based on the following ask:

Anonymous asked:

Imagine idea :

Chris is drunk after a fight with the reader. He was On Twitter and saw some pics with Jenny and when the reader comes in he screams at her and says that Jenny was the one and not the reader. The reader get sad because she was always kind of insecure about the age gap with Chris. The day after he didn’t know what he says and she don’t say anything because she got the feeling that he was right. But one thing both didn’t noticed that Chris was drunk calling Scott and he knows everything Chris says and drive to Chris to give him a good clamp ahahhaha Chris was drunk and Just mentioned her name because he saw a post with Jenny.

------------------

It had been the perfect day.

You slept in, then had a late brunch at home. 

You saw a message from Chris’ former co-star, Heidi, light up his phone that he’d plugged in on the kitchen counter when you two were tidying up.

You wondered why he was texting the bitch even after you told him that she wanted him. And after he agreed to cut off contact out of respect for you.

Heated, you didn’t even look around before you picked it up, put in his code and read a string of friendly, if not borderline flirty, texts.

Chris walked in the kitchen, caught you, and yelled at you for being in his phone. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“Exactly! What is going on, Chris. I thought we talked about this?” 

Chris rolled his eyes. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh, it’s a big fucking deal.”

You threw his phone on the marble countertop, which caused Chris to pick it up to see if it was cracked. Your temper was too much.

“We’re just friends! She knows we’re together, y/n!” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“And I know women, Chris. That doesn’t fucking matter to her. Sometimes you’re so oblivious. Or act like you are.” You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“I know you want to leave me for someone more glamorous and beautiful. Someone who will put up with your shit, everyone the media says you’re fucking. Go ahead and just do it!”

Chris’s temper was really rising now. You could tell as the red creeped up his chest to his neck. 

“Stop fucking saying that!” Chris was screaming now. “Is that what you want? To end it? Because you don’t have to make me do it. If you want to leave, just leave.”

You said shit like that a lot. And it scared and angered him. He wanted to know if you were trying to make him break up with you so you would be free.

“Why are you being such a fucking…” Chris stopped himself. He knew better than to call you out of your name.

Your head almost spun around. You smiled evilly. 

“Go ahead, say what you wanna say, Chris. Or are you scared?”

Chris exploded. “A fucking BITCH.”  He was shaking because you went there.

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not fucking anyone else!”

Chris lost it and punched the wall, making a hole in the drywall and definitely injuring his hand.

You just stood there with your mouth open and in silence. You went toward him to look at his hand, and he just put both of them up, backing away from you and going to the liquor cabinet.

He retreated to the deck with a bottle of Jameson’s. He wanted to dull the pain, in his hand, and in his heart. He hated when you hurt each other.

You understood that you both crossed the line, so you let him be. You went upstairs to change into your running clothes to get out and clear your head.

Chris settled on a deck lounger, started drinking from the bottle and got online, which is never a good thing, but he needed something to distract him. He started reading tweets about himself, and following a thread of Chris + Jenny stans.

The more he drank, the more he started reminiscing.

There were good times. He was happy. Mostly. He thought she was the one. Sometimes. But she broke his heart. He was just a rebound. 

Her handsome arm candy.

Then he thought of you. His heart melted; you really loved him. He was sure of it. But loving him was hard. He realized that you felt the same way about him that he felt about Jenny. Always waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Insecure. 

And you had good reason to be. Everything you’d said about women coming after him was true. But what you didn’t realize is that since he’d met you other women didn’t matter to him. 

You were the one, not Jenny.

Chris began to get melancholy. He’d fucked up. You were nothing but good to him and you just asked him to respect you and listen to your feelings. He’d ignored that. 

Shit, why did he yell at you like that?  

He went to erase Heidi’s contact and block her number. He was confident that you were never going to throw him away like Jenny did. She was the one who’d hurt him. Not you. Never you. He recognized that you wouldn’t ever hurt him on purpose.

His mind was racing with how to apologize when you came back. He was an idiot. The pain in his heart was replaced with regret and his hand had slowed to a dull throb.

But then 30 minutes turned to 3 hours, and by the time you got back, the bottle was empty and Chris’s eyes were red with rage and worry. 

Maybe you were just like Jenny after all.

--------

You ran, and then went to get some coffee. You ran into Shelby at the cafe and distracted yourself with mindless chatter, then walked back. You were ready to apologize by the time you opened the door.

When he heard the door, Chris picked up his phone and met you in the living room. He was obviously shitfaced.

“WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN!?” 

Chris’s voice boomed throughout the house and you jumped. Then you just stood there, shocked at his outburst. 

“The hell are you talking to me like that?” 

He was unsteady on his feet. He leaned toward you, and you could tell that someone was spinning the room for him.

“I don’t want it to be you!” 

He had to let you know that he knew that you wouldn’t be the one to hurt him. Chris pointed his phone at you. 

“You’re not the one. Jenny’s the only one. Not you! Not ever you!”

You couldn’t believe your ears. But then again you could. It was what you were afraid of. You were head over heels. And Chris could find someone on his level. Like Jenny.

“Well, Fuck You very much, Chris.” 

You brushed your tears away and ran past him up the stairs to the bedroom, locking the door and crying your eyes out. You got out your suitcase.

----

Chris started up after you, calling your name, and then suddenly needed to duck in the downstairs bathroom to throw up. 

He tried to make it up the stairs and had to sit down on the floor near the bottom. Then, he needed to lay down just for a minute.

The next thing Chris knew, it was morning, and he woke up to a pounding on the door and in his head. He rolled over on the floor, and something stabbed him in the side.

Groaning, he reached down and saw your keys to his house, his cars, and his life, all on the Tiffany heart keychain he’d given them to you. He was staring at them, confused, when Scott opened the door with his key.

“There he is. My brother. The fuck up.”

Chris groaned again, sat up on the bottom stair and held his head. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Nevermind me. It’s not often I get to say that, only when you publish your dick pic to the internet or you RUN OFF THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO YOU!”

Chris winced when Scott yelled, his head a pounding mass of meat wrapped in fuzzy cotton. 

He didn’t understand why he was being tortured and he didn’t understand why his hand hurt.  He looked at it, all bruised up, and the keys inside it.

“Just tell me, Scott. Why are you here?”

Scott leaned up against the door. 

“Did you know you drunk dialed me last night?” 

Chris looked up at Scott, and his face was a sight as his brother told him what he’d said to you.

“Fuuuuuck me!” He put his head in his hands again. 

“I don’t know if she ever will again,” Scott joked, but Chris didn’t laugh. 

“I called her after you apparently passed out and wouldn't pick up your phone.  She was ready to catch an early morning flight, but I convinced her to sleep in today and leave tomorrow.”

Chris moved his hands down from his eyes and stared out the patio doors, trying to think.

“I put her up in the Four Seasons, on your dime of course.  Room 6145. Penthouse. Could be pretty romantic. If she were in that kind of mood.”

Chris looked up at Scott, smiled weakly, jumped up and hugged him, then made for the door. Scott jumped in front of him.

“Trust me, you’ll want to get some water and coffee in you, and shower and brush your teeth. You look and smell like shit.”

“Right.” Chris nodded, flexing his hand. He could still move it. He was glad it wasn’t broken. “Thanks, bro.”

“No problem.” Scott walked into the bathroom as Chris went to the kitchen, groaning when he saw the hole in the wall. He’d have to ask Scott to get it fixed before you saw it again. 

If he could convince you to come back.

----

It was 11 am, and Scott had verified that you were still in the room. Chris just stood there, nervous and terrified that you were just going to be done with him.

Room service came and headed toward your door. Chris waved them down and when they saw his face, they stopped in their tracks, shocked.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?”

----

You climbed out of the wonderful deep jetted tub, having soaked until the water got cold and your fingers were wrinkled. You pulled on the plush Four Seasons terry cloth robe that was provided with the suite.

You felt calmer than last night, and after some sleep and relaxation, you realized that you’d been a fool to think that Chris would want you forever like you thought.

It was for the best that you leave and start over, to focus on your consulting business and yourself for a while.

You opened the door with a smile on your face for the attendant, and you let them into the room, your back turned to the door while they brought the cart in. You turned back around and there was Chris.

You grew heated, and your heart began to race while the attendant scurried out. Chris’s face was a welcome sight, but you were still angry.

There you were, looking so beautiful, curls tied up in your favorite silk scarf, cocoa skin radiant in a white fluffy robe.  You should have been comfortable, but your eyes were wide and scared.

He’d done this to you.

“Fuck, y/n… I…”

You interrupted him. 

“You’ve got some mutha fuckin nerve. How dare you just run up in here, using that fucking face,” you flung your hand up, “using who you are to get into my room. How did you even know where…?”  

Your mouth dropped open at the realization of what Scott had done. You turned on your heel to get your things. You didn’t care that you were naked under your robe. You didn’t care that you still loved Chris. You were out. This second.

Chris moved to block you from entering the bedroom of the suite. You tried to push past him, all 5’ 4” of you versus 6 feet of him.

“Move, Chris!” 

You glared up at him, your body responding to him in ways you weren’t prepared to admit. You were betrayed by your pussy.

“I just want you to listen to me.  Then you can leave, stay, do whatever you want. Just hear me out.”

You and him physically was always the shit. His arms across his chest did things to you  But you kept mean mugging him, making him hard for you. 

You stepped back and said, “Okay.  You have 10 minutes.  Then I’m out, Chris.”

You paced back to the couch in the living room of the suite, watching him warily.

Chris paced in front of you, making it inevitable that you follow his lean form back and forth across the carpet. You noticed that his hand was bandaged and that he kept flexing it. 

You hoped it wasn’t broken. No matter what, you cared what happened to him. You would always love him. Even if it was the end of your relationship.

“First of all, I’m sorry. My anger got the best of me, and I was violent and that is never acceptable.  Even though I didn’t touch you, it’s not ok, and I know it was intimidating. I take responsibility.”

He stopped and looked at you, you melted a little, but you didn’t give any outward sign. Being a business owner taught you a mean poker face. 

But the shirt he was wearing made his true blue eyes pop and you could see a hint of his chain around his neck under the fitted henley.

You suppressed a shiver at the memory of the things you did to have that chain and medallion wave in your face, to have it clenched between your teeth as Chris had his way with you, and you with him.

You focused on him, pointedly looking at your watch. Chris’ anxiety peaked when he saw that.

He stepped toward you and thought that he recognized the look in your eyes.  He was almost sure that you still wanted him, sure that you still cared.  He could only hope as he came closer.

“And then I started drinking. And while you were gone, I came across some posts about me and Jenny. And it took me back there.”

At those words, you crossed your arms and averted your eyes, defenses up. You didn’t want to hear about how much he loved Jenny.

Then, Chris swiftly moved to sit on his haunches, becoming eye level with you.  

“And I realized that she never really loved me. Not like you loved me.”  

Chris speaking about your love in the past tense made you a little angry and you stared him in the eyes. 

It was just the reaction he hoped for. Your attitude. He loved it. He hid a smirk so that he could continue, but you saw the glimmer in his eyes. And you rolled yours.

Chris then picked up the sash to your robe and started playing with it, your eyes drawn to his thick fingers. You didn’t know why that was getting you hot, but it was. You opened your mouth to breathe.

Chris’s voice cracked when he said. “And to me she was the mountaintop. Another, different kind of conquest. But I realized that I never really loved her. Not like I love you.”

Present tense.

Now you were looking into his eyes, about to fall into them. Shit. He had you hooked. But then you remembered, and drew back.

“Yeah, I know what I said, but what I was trying to express was that I know it could never be you to hurt me like Jenny did. That I didn’t want you to hurt me like she did. Not when I’ve thought about forever…” 

He moved even closer. “I mean forever, forever, with you.”

All of a sudden you couldn’t breathe. Chris got on his knees.

“I want to be in this position again with you one day. One day soon. But not like this. I don’t want it to be to try to get you back. I want us to be good.” 

He sighed, pensive. “I want you to be smiling and happy, and even have our families there.”

You don’t know how your face looked at that moment, but Chris started smiling at you. You were so beautiful to him right now.

“I was drunk, and I couldn’t use my words correctly. I yelled and I screamed and I punched the wall. I fucked up and may have lost you forever, but I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry.” 

You felt yourself get emotional, but you tried to calm down.

“I’m just so fucking scared that you will get tired of all the bullshit that comes with me and leave… and I absolutely wouldn’t blame you. But there’s no one else, y/n.  No one else can compare…”

“Chris…” 

You raised your hand to his face, eyes searching his. You could tell he was being honest.

Chris grabbed your hand and started kissing your palm.

“So.” He looked at you with those eyes. “Is this goodbye?…” His lips were giving you shivers. “Or hello again? Can we start over?”

Chris trailed his lips from your palm, to the pulse point at your wrists and lingered there, licking the delicate skin. Then he moved up your arm to the opening in the robe. 

He pushed his torso in between your legs and leaned into your neck, inhaling the lavender bath oil that was your favorite. And his, too. 

He moaned as you leaned your head to the side, giving him access. But he didn't just want the physical. He breathed into the shell of your ear. 

“Please come home, baby…”

You just moaned as he started sucking right below your ear, your spot. Desire took over for Chris when he heard your sounds.

“Fuck it. I can tell that you still want me. If this is goodbye, then I’m going to make it worth your time.”

Your back arched and Chris palmed your bounteous ass over the robe, pulling you flush to his crotch.  He smiled as he felt the warmth coming from you.

“You’re so fucking warm, babe. Are you wet, too?  Are you wet for me? Do you want my cock? I mean, do you want your thick, fat, cock to fuck you babe?” 

Chris was kissing down your neck into the cleavage that the robe was revealing with each sentence as you opened your legs. Your pussy was quivering for him, but you still didn’t answer him.

Chris looked up at you with those eyes and pulled on the robe sash. It fell open and he looked down and bit his lip, taking in your warm skin, lovely breasts, and elegant pussy, with the manicured triangle of hair kept like he preferred, and offered up for his taking. 

You still looked like his girl, and he smiled as he looked up into your eyes. But he had to be certain. He lowered his head, keeping eye contact and descended toward one small hard mountain peak, kissing it gently, tentatively, while watching you.

You were mesmerized as his tongue peeked out and licked it, then he opened his lips and enveloped it, moistening it with his pink lips. 

The look on your face compelled him, and he fully enveloped your nipple and started sucking roughly, still keeping eye contact. You were determined not to close your eyes, but it was difficult. You bit your lip to stay still.

Chris’s bandaged hand was dangerous, however, and it came up to pinch and roll your other nipple. You arched into his hand as he became rougher and rougher. 

He switched nipples and hands and his saliva made your breast that much more pliable and sensitive. He slapped it, and then rubbed it with the rough bandage, making you cry out and moan as his other hand trailed down your body to your cunt.

“This pussy will still be mine, even if you leave me.” He smiled cockily while looking down on it. 

He looked at you, before lifting his hand to his mouth, looking straight into your eyes and spitting on his fingers before bringing them down to your cunt.

“I think, that if even if you leave and  move back to Houston, and I come to town, that if I I call you, even if you’re with someone else, you would meet me in a parking lot and let me fuck you over the hood of my rental car.” 

He was faintly tracing your pussy lips and instantly your control was gone. You were sopping wet, because of his words and because of the knowledge that what he was saying was the truth.

“Oh,” was all you could say. You were adding to the wetness of the saliva on his fingers.

Chris smiled and tilted his head as his two thick digits breached your opening. He had his answer as you threw your head back and let him finger fuck you while he rolled and slapped and pinched your nipple.

His thumb was lightly brushing your clit and you wanted so much more.  Chris could sense that and he pressed down roughly on it, causing an electric jolt up your body, which you keened for, arching your body into his hand.

Chris moved his hand from your breast to your neck and applied the pressure that you wanted and needed and that he was expert at while he stuffed another finger inside you and circled your clit with his thumb. 

You floated among the clouds as you came like fireworks, and all over his hand.  

He watched you come undone, and come down, rubbing his hard cock through his pants with one hand while he sucked your juices off his fingers, releasing each with a loud pop.  When you opened your eyes, you smiled.

You pulled his hand and started licking yourself off him, flattening your tongue against his palm. 

“I forgive you Chris. I forgave you when you conned your way into my room, you ass.” 

You smiled against his hand as he groaned, relieved and desperate for you.

“But you still have some work to do.”

“What do you want? Anything.”  

Now Chris was breathless, anticipating payback.

“First, you need to take those damn clothes off.”

He quickly moved to take off his shirt, and then stood up to take off his pants.  You smirked as hs cock sprang up immediately when he peeled them down. He wasn’t wearing underwear.

Chris caught your look. 

“What? I wanted to be prepared.”  He chuckled softly while pumping his cock lightly, expecting to immediately fuck you.

He moved toward you. But you quickly moved off the couch and into the bedroom, forcing him to follow you, and his dick, into the other room.

You sat on the edge of the bed as he remained standing. 

“What do you need, babe?”

You reached for his cock and tugged it toward you, opening your mouth and deep throating it, wetting it from root to tip and then spit on it. Chris moaned as you started to stroke. Then you stopped.

“I need you to jack off for me.” 

“Ugh! You’re so fucking nasty. I love you.”

Chris instantly started where you left off. This didn’t seem like work.

You leaned back on your elbows, watching him, and licking your lips.

“And I need for you not to stop, and not to come. Until I tell you.” 

You looked him in the eye and that was when Chris knew he was doomed.  A chill ran down his spine as you reached down and started playing with your pussy.

“Fuck!”

You looked so damn good.  He licked his lips and stroked harder and faster, his balls drawing up already. 

“Shit, y/n.”

You watched his eyes, and got wetter at his blown pupils and glazed look. 

“You like that?”

“Fuck yeah.”  

His voice was broken and desperate. He fisted his cock, and held his balls, trying to stave off the inevitable. 

You turned around, got on your knees and reached back between your legs and ran your fingers up and down your slit.

“How about that?”

“Goddamnit!” 

Chris grunted as he tried to hold it in. You were a goddess. He licked his lips. Wanting to taste you. So he did. 

He dove in, tongue competing with your fingers to command your slit. You finally gave in to his expert mouth and he savored your salty goodness.

“Fuck, Chris, you better still be…”

“I am. Christ.” 

He was leaking in his hand, but he had it under control. Barely.

Chris stopped eating you out for a second, grabbed your ass cheek with one hand, stretched you open, spit on your tighter hole, and watched it slide down your satin lips to drip onto the bed. 

His warm saliva made your pussy quiver and he watched it lovingly. Then he dove in again.

He sped up his movements with his other hand and you could hear the smooth skin of his dick sliding on his palm while his tongue did forbidden things to you.

“Ffffffuuckkkkkkk! Chrisssss.” 

You came, burying your scream in the mattress, and even harder than before. You couldn’t believe that he’d turned the tables on you.

Chris ate you out through your orgasm, holding you down with one hand like it was nothing. 

He was god of war, love, and sex, all at once. 

Fuck Captain America.

You came again, almost immediately.

When he was done with his meal, he let you go, wiped his mouth with the back of his free hand and stepped back.

“Fuck, what do you want me to do? I can’t take it much longer…” Chris’s sexy growling voice got to you. 

“What do you wanna do, Chris? How do you want to take me, Daddy?”  Chris’s cock jumped in his hand, he slapped your ass, and watched it jiggle.

Chris entered your wet, wet pussy, and marvel how if felt like it was choking the life out of him.  He had to stop moving, or he would burst almost immediately.

“How the fuck are you so wet, but so tight.  It’s like a fucking vice grip, geeze.” 

You both waited and felt it jump inside you, then Chris reached down, grabbed you by the neck and pulled you upright and flush to his chest.  

One hand clutched your throat and the other arm hooked under your leg, allowing him to piston up into you upright while your other leg dangled, your big toe barely touching the ground.

Chris held you and fucked up into you, grunting each time the large mushroom cap head of his cock was stuffed into your pussy. 

“Ugh, gatdamn it, you were thinking of leaving, ugh, you wanted to leave this, mmmmmm, this dick that, ugh, that fucks you like this?” 

Chris’s mouth was near your ear, which was on his shoulder because your head had fallen back on his chest. He was using you like a sex toy as he fucked you senseless. 

His dick slicked in and out of you with obscene wetness, Chris somehow lifting you up and slipping completely out of you and pounding back into you with force.

“Chris!!!” 

You started shaking, your center of gravity being where you and he were connected.

He fucked you even harder and faster, chasing his release, but he maneuvered his hand to find your clit, refusing to come before you. 

“Fuck! You know you were going to miss this cock that your sweet cunt fits… like…  a …mutha …fuckin…  glove!” 

"Ahhhh!" 

You screamed as you fluttered around his cock. He could take only so much before he had to shut his eyes and bite down on your collarbone. Chris’s legs were trembling now.

"Take all of it!." He was hitting your spot.  "How does it feel?" 

Although the feeling was intense, you tried to speak. 

"L-l-l-like h-heav-v-v-ennnnn." 

The sound of your voice made his release start to build. 

With each of his thrusts, the sweet tightness began to build until you came, screaming and moaning in pleasure.

“Oh shiiiiitttttt!”  Chris exploded inside your tight wet cunt. He wanted to fill you up like never before. He wanted to put his baby in you and tie you forever to him. That made his balls empty.

He fell back on the bed, with you on top of him, slipping out of you and depositing you on the bed beside him.

Chris couldn't help but smile as you both came down.  He was made for this.

Chris put his hand on your cheek, brushing your beautiful lips with his thumb. You smiled under his attention into his sea blue eyes.

“I love you.” You grinned. 

“God, I love you.”  You sobered up, taking in the weight of his words.

“Is it weird that I want to get you pregnant before we’re married?”

You made a face.

“Who says I want to marry you?”

Chris scooped you in his arms and rolled you over on top of him.

“You don’t want to marry me? You’d say no if I asked?” 

You held in a giggle.

“Nah. I’m gonna move back to Houston and marry someone else so you can come in town and fuck me over the hood of your rental car. That sounds hot as fuck.”

Chris released an anxious breath.

You took his head in your hands.

“Easy now. Ask what you want to ask.” Chris started to speak. You put your finger over his mouth.  

“When you want to ask it.” You looked into his eyes again. “I won’t break your heart.”

Chris smiled at you and said, “I know.” He kissed you. 

And when you pulled away, breathless, he told you, “You’re the One.”

----------- Read Part Two: It Takes Two

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[sesamestreep]

Jyn/Cassian for 18, "squishing the other’s cheek"

cross-posted to ao3, whoops 😇✨

There aren't a lot of comforting places to spend time on a rebel base, Jyn is starting to realize. She supposes the point of military bases is not to be cozy, per se, but it's still fairly inconvenient on occasion. Her quarters are fine--better than Wobani any day--but they're designed for practicality rather than warmth, physical or emotional, and she shares them with a perfectly nice Twi'lek pilot who is almost always off on one mission or another, so they’re not really hers by any stretch of the imagination and thus lack a certain feeling of home. Even the mess hall is not a particularly welcoming place, for all she's had her fair share of nice memories there by now, sharing meals and catching up with the crew when they're all on base at the same time. Still, it's not exactly the sort of place she'd choose to spend time if it also wasn't where the food was.

She'd much prefer to be in any one of those places rather than where she is now, though. In fact, if she had to pick a least favorite spot on the entire base, she'd pick the med bay, hands down. It's bad enough on its own, with its general air of hushed crisis and the cloying, repetitive sound of medical machinery beeping and droids humming about from bed to bed checking on patients, but it is much worse now, because all she's doing is waiting, which is a thing that she hates, mostly because she is terrible at it.

The smell of bacta freaks her out pretty bad these day, after Scarif and all. It turns out you don't come out on the other side of the evisceration of a whole planet with just minor cuts and bruises. The medics did a good job with an extremely bad situation and most everyone who survived had only a few scars to show for it, but it had been touch and go for a while there, so much so that none of the original Rogue One crew had even been conscious for the Battle of Yavin, let alone fighting in it. It would be another several weeks before the first of them was released from medical observation, and several months before the last of them was. Jyn landed somewhere in the middle there, not bad all things considered, but the scent of bacta lingered on her skin for what seemed like ages and it clung to her sheets and her clothes in spite of her best efforts to remove it.

The smell of it is everywhere now, and that combined with the steady beeping of monitors nearby is driving her slowly insane, but she still can't bring herself to leave. If it were anyone else, she would. It's sentimental and frankly stupid to think that sitting by someone's bedside while they're unconscious will have any impact on their recovery, but here she sits anyway. It's not that she thinks Cassian will care if she's there when he wakes up, it's just that she wants to be there. She wants to know the moment things are going to be alright and she won't trust anything but her own eyes.

The medic she spoke to said he would be fine and, while Jyn knows the basics of first aid, she should definitely trust the medical opinion of someone with more training over her own instincts. It’s not easy, though; she's a bit of a cynic thanks to her lifetime of experience with things not working out the way she was promised they would, so she's going to stay right here until she actually sees that Cassian is fine with her own eyes. The medic hadn't seemed offended by her insistence and just gestured to a chair next to Cassian's bed before swanning away to deal with, presumably, less annoying patients. The 2-1B unit accompanying them had stuck around a little longer, to get some readings off the monitor and to inform her that he should be awake sometime in the next three hours or so before scooting off.

That had been three hours and fifteen minutes ago now, and Jyn's patience is well past worn thin. She thinks about summoning the droid back or bothering a passing medic, but there's been no change in Cassian's condition, for better or worse, so she imagines they won't see the urgency. After what she hopes is a surreptitious look around to see if anyone is paying them any attention, she decides to take matters into her own hands.

"Cassian," she whispers, and receives no response. She tries saying his name a little louder with the same disappointing result, but she doesn't dare to raise her voice any more for fear of being sent away.

With another check to make sure the coast is clear, she leans over and shakes him by the shoulder. "Cassian, come on," she hisses under her breath. No response.

She pokes her finger into his chest, once gently and then again with all her might. "Seriously, it's time to wake up," she says, and it somehow comes out gentle in spite of her impatience. It makes no difference.

Jyn bites her lip as she thinks about what to do next. She doesn’t have a lot of opportunities to just look at Cassian without interruption or self-consciousness in the normal course of their lives together. Not that they’re together, in that sense, but they work closely with one another and even on the rare occasions they’re not working, they’re still usually together in some fashion. She didn’t intend, when she’d semi-reluctantly joined the Rebellion, to build her entire life around him but it had happened regardless. In spite of all that, watching him sleep is a new experience for her and it makes her feel itchy in her own skin.

He looks more peaceful like this, which makes sense, of course, but she still finds herself relieved he’s getting some rest untroubled by bad dreams. She doesn’t want to ruin that, but the urge to touch him in some way, just to wake him up, is still strong. She has a few vague memories of being woken up by one of her parents with a kiss on the forehead, but after dwelling on those recollections a moment, she remembers that those instances were usually followed by them telling her to pack her things because they needed to run off to some new planet in the middle of the night.

That mental association offers a pretty good reason not to kiss Cassian on the forehead right now, though she has plenty of others if she needs them. In fact, she’s had a lot of practice thinking of good reasons not to kiss him anywhere, so she abandons this idea readily and tells herself what she always does when these inconvenient feelings arise: what she has now with him and with their team is the best part of her life and she wouldn't risk complicating it for anything. The two of them, with their trust issues and their scars, could never make it work in that kind of relationship. It's better to have less than she wants than to have nothing at all.

In spite of this, she finds herself reaching out to him again. She hesitates at the last second, suddenly panicked at the idea of touching his face with even her hand. It still feels too intimate and familiar somehow for what they are to each other. Then again, she's been watching him sleep for hours now, so maybe she's past the point where she can reasonably worry about such things. She brings her hand to rest on his jaw and, before she can get used to the feeling, she jabs a finger into the soft skin below his cheekbone.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up," she whispers furiously, punctuating each command with a poke. When that does nothing, she pinches his cheek as hard as she can and then squishes the other between her fingers for good measure. She sighs when that has no effect either. After a final glance over her shoulder to see if anyone is watching, she pulls her arm back and brings her palm against his cheek in a firm slap. It's hard to tell if any of the other people in the med bay notice this, because it’s also the moment that Cassian wakes up and immediately begins coughing loudly, and suddenly she doesn’t care about anything else.

“Cassian,” she says, hands fluttering about uselessly as she tries to decide what to do with them that won’t be awkward. “Are you alright?”

“Probably not, based on our location,“ he replies, with considerable effort. He reaches up to rub his jaw. “Did you hit me?”

“What? No! You…must have dreamed that,” she says, quickly. “Do you need me to get someone? Are you in pain?”

“Not as much as I should be, I’m guessing,” Cassian says, closing his eyes as he leans back. “What happened?”

“You don’t remember?” Jyn asks, and he replies by miserably shaking his head. “I should really get someone to look at you, then.”

She turns to go, but even in his injured state, Cassian’s reflexes are enviably quick. He catches hold of her wrist before she can get away, and says her name, just once, very gently. She tries to swallow the emotions that try to climb up her throat at the mere sound of his voice, but she’s not exactly in the best shape right now either. She has a few minor injuries and zero hours of sleep to her name, and she just doesn’t have the power to resist him like she might have otherwise.

Cassian must sense her acquiesce, because his grip on her slackens and he sits back with a sigh. “Don’t go,” he says. “Just—I want you to tell me what happened.”

“You almost blew the entire mission, Cassian! That’s what happened!”

There were nicer ways to say that, or gentler explanations of what went down on their mission, but Jyn’s a little hurt and a lot tired, so she doesn't really have it in her to mind her manners. She also doesn’t appreciate being outmaneuvered like this, and she wants Cassian to take his damn hand off of her. She should have owned up to that slap; it was the smartest thing she’s done all day.

He has the grace to at least look ashamed of himself. “Jyn, I—”

“No. Absolutely not,” she warns him. “If you think I sat by your bed, waiting for you to wake up so that I could hear you make excuses, or try to defend yourself, you’re out of your mind. You almost certainly have a concussion, which is the only reason I’m not punching you in the face for that stunt you pulled back on Kaddak.”

Cassian groans, letting his head flop back on the pillows. “Oh, right. It’s starting to come back to me.”

“Good, because I’d love to know what you were thinking,” Jyn says, sharply. “I gave you the kriffing signal, Cassian. I told you to get out of the warehouse, and you didn’t listen!”

“I couldn’t leave without the asset, Jyn,” he says, eyes pleading with her to understand. Normally, they’d be lit up with anger at her questioning his judgement, but the circumstances he woke up in must have impressed the recklessness of his own actions on him, for once. “It would have been destroyed in the blast and then the whole mission would have been for nothing!”

“You could have died,” she shouts. “Don’t talk to me about the mission!”

Belatedly, she realizes she’s gone ahead and done the thing she was trying to avoid: capturing the attention of a medical droid. One immediately winds its way over to Cassian’s bed and begins taking his vitals diligently, effectively ending their conversation for the time being. It’s just as well, she thinks; she was starting to get emotional and that’s the last thing she needs when she’s dealing with Cassian. She needs to keep her feelings neatly stored in a box, preferably one with a padlock and maybe a deadbolt or two, when he’s around, or she’ll surely break something she can’t bear to lose. She folds her hands in front of herself and attempts to regain her composure while the droid works. The mechanical whir of its limbs moving about, extending and retracting, is oddly grounding and she closes her eyes for a brief moment while it asks Cassian some routine questions.

“I am satisfied with your recovery so far, Captain Andor,” 2-1B finally says. “I’m administering additional pain medication. You may experience some drowsiness, as a side effect. I advise you not to fight it, and to sleep if the opportunity presents itself.”

Cassian grumbles his thank you to the droid, before it swivels to address Jyn. “Guests are invited to stay at the discretion of Chief Medic Myreen. Further disruptions could result in your removal from the med bay. This is your last warning,” it says, before lurching off in the direction of another patient.

“Uh-oh, someone’s in trouble,” Cassian says, under his breath.

“Once again,” Jyn replies tersely, “you are very lucky you have a concussion right now.”

“You’re making me long for Kay’s bedside manner,” he says. “Where is my droid, anyway? Don’t tell me he couldn’t be bothered to stay.”

“You know the only thing he hates more than dealing with me is dealing with medical droids. The medbay just happened to have both,” she says, taking a moment to crack her neck. She winces at the loud pop it makes—hours of sitting in the same spot, tensed up and lightly injured is not good for the body. “I can go find him for you, if you want. Now that you’re awake, that is.”

When she looks at him again, Cassian is now staring at her, wide-eyed with…confusion? Horror? It’s not actually clear. “What?” she snaps, her defenses rising against her better judgment.

“You haven’t been here the entire time, have you?” he asks, and now it’s very clearly horror that he’s feeling.

Jyn feels her cheeks warm, and she fights the urge to snap at him again. “It hasn’t been that long,” she says, instead, looking down at her boots and scuffing them gently on the floor. “I was kidding before about K2. He would have stayed, but with you out of commission, Bodhi had to report to Draven and he wanted Kay’s help, so I offered to wait here. The droids take the ‘one guest at a time’ rule very seriously.”

“You didn’t have to wait for me to wake up, though. I would have been fine.”

“I didn’t want to miss out on the chance to be the first person to tell you what an idiot you were. If I’d let Baze or Chirrut stay, they might have gone easy on you.”

“Couldn’t have that,” Cassian says, his head drooping to the side as his eyelids briefly drift closed before he startles awake again. “You get that looked at?” He asks, in a casual way that implies he thinks there’s been no lull in their conversation.

“What?” Jyn asks.

“Your head,” Cassian replies, gesturing weakly. The pain meds must be really kicking in now, and against medical advice, he’s fighting the urge to drift off the sleep. She could set her watch by Cassian Andor’s stubborn streak, she thinks.

“My head’s fine,” she snaps, irrationally annoyed at him for caring about a minor injury when he’s literally in a hospital bed.

“No, s’not,” he protests, feebly and narrows his eyes at her. “There's a…cut.”

“It’s barely a scrape,” she lies.

The medic she spoke to said she didn’t need stitches, but that it would need to be bandaged at least, if she didn’t want bacta fluid. And she most certainly did not. By tomorrow, all her bruises will come up to the surface, but for right now, she looks a lot heartier than she feels, which is good for the purposes of this conversation. Cassian would normally be sharp enough to catch a lie that obvious, but the medication’s effects are also working in her favor. He’s doing a creditable job glaring at her despite that, though.

“I promised to see the medic on my way out,” she says, relenting.

“Okay,” Cassian says, relaxing slightly and letting his head rest back against the pillows. “I’m not gonna remember, am I?”

“Remember what?” Jyn asks, feeling panic rise inside her again. She doesn’t want to summon the droid again but she will, if she has to. If something is wrong.

“This…conversation,” he answers, with enormous effort. “Because of the pain meds.”

“Oh. I’m not sure. Maybe not.”

He reaches out for her again, this time capturing her hand instead of her wrist. He twines their fingers together and then contemplates this for a moment. Jyn’s breath catches in her throat, and she finds she couldn’t speak even if she knew what to say.

“You’ll tell me, though, right?” Cassian finally asks, after a long stretch of silence. She’d kind of hoped he had fallen asleep with his eyes open, but no such luck.

“You mean, what the droid said?” She asks, confused. “I can try to remember, but I think they—”

He shakes his head. “Not that. I don’t care about that. I want you to tell me about you.”

“About me? I don’t understand.”

“When I wake up again, you should tell me that you stayed,” he says, looking at her seriously, probably so she doesn’t blame this outburst on the medication. “I don’t want to forget that.”

“Okay,” Jyn says, even though she feels like her heart is beating loudly enough to drown out the word. “I’ll tell you. I promise.”

“Good,” Cassian says, finally allowing his eyes to drift closed. He falls asleep immediately, it seems, still holding Jyn’s hand in his own.

“I guess I’m staying a bit longer,” she says, under her breath, as she settles back into her uncomfortable chair. She doesn’t know who she’s trying to fool, anyway. She never intended to leave his side.

[blushled]

Love | Dallas Winston

MASTERLIST

other Tumblr: sunkissedspidey

taglist is open!

requests are open!

pairing: Dallas Winston x female!reader

summary: Your relationship with Dally was always weird, you weren’t dating and you definitely weren't just friends. But after he almost loses you, he realizes just how much he needs you.

warnings: smut, unprotected sex (please wrap it before you tap it), language, angst, fluff, etc.

word count: 3.7k+

a/n: Please forgive me for how gross and choppy this is! This is the first thing I’ve written in months!! Sorry for any spelling and/or grammar errors!

Your relationship with Dally had always been a little weird. Not by much, but definitely compared to the other guys.

You were the only chick in the group, and everyone in it had a phase at some point where they were completely enamored with you, all expect for Darry, mostly because he saw you as a little sister. But it was always special with Dally.

You had met Dally, and the rest of the guys, when you were 15, right after he had gotten back to Oklahoma from New York. You two were always close, and you were the only person he had ever opened up to, so it's no wonder that you two had lost your virginities to each other, and still have casual sex to this day. The both of you had an unspoken agreement to not tell anyone, but Soda had walked in on the two of you one time, so now it was only you three that knew the secret.

Anyways, regardless of the hours upon hours of sex that was shared between you at least once a day, your relationship was closer than anyone else in the group, even stronger than yours and Soda's, despite the fact that the two of you had been best friends since second grade.

You never really cared about the fact that Dally was sleeping with other people. I mean, it's not like you weren't doing the same thing. You'd had sex with Dally, then Soda one night after you had both gotten absolutely hammered beyond belief, and even Peter Torlini from school a few times. But it always was better with Dally. Not just because he was amazing in bed, but because you were positive that you were head over heels in love with him. And, goddamn, if he didn't feel the same way, he was amazing at faking it. Like, you don't always have that sort of connection with someone when you have sex. Your bodies became one, and you knew exactly what the other needed at that exact moment. Who knows... maybe he was just good in bed and knew what you needed because you had been having sex for so long, or maybe... just maybe; he felt the same way for you that you did for him.

***

"Fuck, Dally! Oh, my god!" You moaned out, his cock so deep inside of you that it had your head spinning.

"Goddamn," He breathed out, his face close to yours, same with the rest of his body, as he pumped into you at a fast, steady pace, a slight sheen of sweat covering both of your trembling, naked bodies. "You're so fucking good and tight for me. 'M not gonna last much longer, Y/N." He groaned out, his breathing heavy, along with yours, as he thrusted even deeper. He wrapped his arms underneath your head, tugging on your hair as you scratched down his back.

"God, please cum for me, Dallas." You moaned, his pace quickening even more so, leaving you screaming as your eyes squeezed shut tightly, your orgasm crashing over you, your walls clenching so tightly around his cock that he couldn't help but cum, quickly pulling out and helplessly spilling his seed all over your stomach as he let out load, drawn out moans, before his muscles gave out and he collapsed back on top of you.

Your hands ran into his hair as he gave you another hot, passionate kiss before rolling over next to you on your bed, reaching over onto the night stand to grab two smokes and a lighter, passing one to you before lighting both of them up, as you both smoked, and exhaled, simultaneously, your brains started to feel foggy with euphoria as the nicotine began to enter your bloodstreams at the same time.

***

A few weeks later, you and the rest of the guys were sitting around, just talking about nothing in particular, only until Two-Bit brought up a fun topic.

"I got it!" He said, a large smirk on his face. "Best lay... Aaand... Steve, go!" Pointing at the brunette with both hands shaped as guns.

"Uhm... Probably Gracie. Big tits." He laughed out, a smoke in between his teeth.

Everyone erupted with laughter, Ponyboy and Johnny rolling their eyes and turning their attention to the cartoons on the small television.

"Y/N! Your turn!" Two-Bit said, laughing as he took a sip of his third beer.

"Not telling." You laughed as you sat on the countertop. You rolled your eyes heavily and let out an annoyed sigh as everyone booed at you. "Ugh, fine," You said, closing your eyes. "Uhm, I'm not saying the name, but he was tall with brown eyes, massive dick, and goddamn, he knew how to use it well, dark hair, and also the best kisser I've ever met before."

    Dally automatically knew that you were talking about it, a smirk spreading across his face as you enthused about just how good the "mystery man" was in bed.

*** You and Dally sat in your old, run down car, eating Dairy Queen and talking about nothing in particular.

"You wanna know something funny?" He asked before licking the melting ice cream off of his waffle cone.

"Always." You smirked, turning the music playing on the radio down a bit so you could hear him more clearly.

"You're the best I've ever had, too." He said, smirking as your cheeks lit up a bright pink shade at his words.

"And why's that, Mister Winston?" You laughed, your eyes meeting his again as he leaned in closer to you, using his free hand to circle around your clit over your underwear, your skirt covering Dally's hand from the wrist down, your eyes slowly rolling back as you moaned quietly into his mouth.

"That's just one of the reasons. You're so goddamn sensitive and I fucking love it." He laughed when you whined after his touched left you, a small huff of anger leaving your lips at the loss of contact.

After a few seconds, you grabbed his ice cream and shoved it in an empty cup, his eyes meeting your with confusion before you moved over the center console to straddle him, your lips immediately going to his as you grinder your hips together, small groans leaving both of your mouths. You tugged at his leather belt, unbuttoning his jeans after, sliding his boxers down, your mouth watering at the sight of his hard cock.

    He reached around your waist and lifted your tight shirt off of you quickly, his soft lips moving to kiss all over your breasts and he left the occasional hickey, his cool, slender fingers i clipping your bra, before he started kissing up and down your neck until you were begging for more.

    "Dally, please." You whimpered, your body trembling from want.

    He moved your underwear over to the side, right before his cock slammed into you as he pulled your hips flush against his, both of you letting out moans because of how fucking amazing it felt.

"Fuck, Dally! Shit, you feel so fucking good!" You screamed out, glad that it was night and that no one was around the two of you.

"Goddamn, you're so fucking tight-" He said before a groan cut him off, his hands gripping your waist even tighter, bruises sure to be left there (not that you were complaining in the slightest).

    One of his hands moved down to your clit, rubbing it in harsh, fast circles as his eyes rolled back, your head dipping down to suck dark purple bruises onto the soft, pale skin of his neck, his hips thrusting up to meet yours in sync, his cock hitting inside of you deeper and deeper with each thrust, the other of you chasing yourself highs as best as you could.

    Your eyes clenched shut tightly as you bit down on muscles of his shoulder, your orgasm crashing over you so strongly that you could barley breathe. Dally's arms wrapped around you, scratching up and down your back and you tugged harshly at his hair, knowing that he was coming close.

    "Cum for me." You whispered into his ear, biting down slightly on his earlobe, and then that was it. He came with a cry of your name and a load groan, his cum coating your walls as you clenched around him tighter, his teeth sinking into your breasts as he continued to thrust up into you until his muscles gave out. Your collective breathing was heavy as you both came down from your highs, his hair sweaty as you ran your fingers through it, the smell of sex and cigarettes lingering in the small, cramped car.

    "Goddamn," He said, laughing as you sat back, moving your hair out of your eyes. "That was fucking amazing."

    "Isn't it always?" You smiled cockily, grinding your hips once more, causing another load moan to come from Dally's throat, partially because it felt amazing and partially because he was so fucking sensitive.

    "What'd I turn you into?" He smirked, biting down on the skin of your neck softly, his perfect teeth skimming your jaw as he made eye contact with you again.

    "A sex addict." You said simply, a smile breaking across your face as Dally started laughing at your blatant tone, his head tipping up to kiss you softly and slowly.

    The two of you had made an agreement not to do anything with anyone else after a while, figuring that it would save the both of you from getting jealous because, even though you weren't official, the both of you were super mad every time you walked in on the other with a different person.

*** "Oh my god, fuck off!" You yelled, laughing as Soda had beaten you in poker for the fifth time that night, the rest of the guys whooping and cheering as you flipped them all of, taking your shirt off, a black bra the only thing covering your chest. Strip poker was a weird game to play with a big group of your closest friends, but it had been a favorite of everyone's for years. Dally stood in the corner, a cigarette in between his teeth as he stared you down, his eyes dark with oust and squinted with anger.

"Alright," You said, standing up and putting your shirt back on, boos coming from the guys. "I think that's enough for me tonight."

You made your way to the bathroom of the Curtis' house, putting your hair up in a ponytail before you washed the dark eyeliner surrounding your eyes off, using a rag to dry your face before changing into an extra t-shirt and pajama shorts that you always kept there, since everyone usually spent the night there.

You walked out into the dark hallway, making your way to the living room before Dally pushed you up against one of the walls, his lips meeting yours harshly as one of his hands made its way into your loose shorts, his long, slender figures toying with your clit as you tried your best to control the volume of your moans.

"Never, fucking never, pull that shit again. You got that? You know how fucking hot you are, and you know how those dudes think about you." He said, his voice low and commanding, but a tone of sweetness underlying in it.

You knew that he wasn't mad, he was just worried, even though there's no way in hell that he would ever admit that to anyone. He was your best friend, and you were his.

*** "Oh, come on, Dally. It's not even that bad. It's just a movie." You whined, gripping onto his denim jacket.

"It's a stupid movie." He laughed as your head sunk even lower, your lower lip stick out as you widened your eyes, your face jokingly pleading.

    "Dallyyy, pleaseee?" You dragged out, kissing his neck softly.

    "Fine. But if I hate it, it's on you." He laughed as you squealed, leaning over and kissing his cheek. And after a second you both looked at each other and then moved away, realizing that you were acting more like a couple than like fuck buddies.

    "I'm- uh- I'm gonna go home. Gotta get ready, ya know?" You said, standing up from the couch at Dally and Buck's place, grabbing your purse and jacket, and waving goodbye to the brunette that had your heart.

***

    As you made you way back over to Dally's, you checked how you looked in the reflection of a storefront window. Your tight white t-shirt clung to your body perfectly, your black ripped jeans hugged your frame, and you had on your favorite jacket. A thick, worn, black leather one that all of the guys had gotten you for your birthday after they had pooled their money together, a switchblade, a pack of smokes, and a lighter in one of the pockets. Your black eyeshadow and eyeliner was done perfectly, and was an amazing contrast to your bright red lipstick.

    "Dally!" You smiled, wrapping him in a small, short hug when we opened his door, throwing a shirt on and leading you down the street towards the drive in.

***

    "I'm gonna go get some popcorn." You said to Dally, smiling as you stood up from one of the cheap, grey folding chairs.

    "Be careful." He said, handing you some money before turning his attention to the movie that he claimed was stupid.

    "Medium popcorn and a large Coke with two straws, please." You said to the worker at the concessions stand, handing him the money in exchange for your food and drink.

    You walked out of the concessions stand, making your way back until some shuffling on the side of the building caught your attention. You turned your head, and the second you did, you instantly regretted it. You saw Dally making out with Polly Winchester, her hands running through his hair as he pinned her against a wall. His eyes met with your for a second and he instantly pulled away, his lips smeared with her red lipstick and his breathing hard.

    "Oh shit." He said quietly, walking over to you, trying to take your hands in his, put you instantly pulled away.

    "You fucking asshole." You said calmly, turning away towards the exit before he grabbed your arm, and then you snapped. "Don't fucking touch me!" You screamed, the people sitting near you turning to look at the two of you.

    "Y/N, I'm sorry." He said, trying his best to reach out for you agin until you took the top off of your drink and threw it in his face.

    "Fuck. You." You said clearly, finally being able to turn and walk away, tears filling your eyes as you walked back to your house.

***

    A few days later, practically in the middle of the night, you were sitting on your bed, a cigarette in one of your hands as you used the other to flip through your favorite book, music softly playing on your record player in the background as you tried your best to ignore the ache in your heart at the fact that Dally was practically fucking a chick against a wall right in front of you.

    A knock on your front door shook you out of your daze, ashing your cigarette before making your way down the hall to your front door. The second you opened it, your heart sank, your stomach dropping as you saw Dallas standing there, a pleading look on his face.

    "C-can I come in?" He asked quietly, his hands stuffed into his pocket.

    You didn't say anything, you just opened your door more and stepped to the side, allowing him to walk into your small house.

    "What do you want? Another pack of smokes? I have some on the counter and a Coke in the fridge and then you can go back to the drive in so that you don't have to pay." You said blankly, sitting down on your couch as flipping through a book that was on your coffee table.

    "No, I don't need any of that. I just wanna talk." He said, standing next to the couch awkwardly.

    "About what? About how you basically fucked Polly during a movie that we were supposed to be watching together? About how you ditched me to go stick your dick in some whore on the side of a goddamn building?!" You said, not being able to control your volume as you stood up looking at him, absolutely fuming.

    "Yeah, pretty much." He answered, not knowing what else to say.

    "You promised me, Dally. You fucking promised." You said, your eyes boring into his.

    "I know, but listen-" He tried to say before you cut him off.

    "No, Dally. You listen to me. You are such a lying fucking asshole! I can't believe I ever thought that we could be something other than friends with benefits." You said, your eyes becoming puffy. "Fuck you, Dallas Winston. I never want to see you again." You said calmly through your teeth, silently seething. You turned towards the hallway to go into your room, before Dally grabbed your arm, your eyes meeting his again, both of your eyes red as silent tear streamed down your faces simultaneously.

    "Please, Y/N." He said, his voice not much louder than a whisper. "Please don't leave me."

    "You've never listened to me when I've asked you not to leave... Why should I listen to you?" You asked quietly.

    "Because I love you, Y/N. More than I've ever loved anything in my entire life. More than smokes and parties and beer. More than sleep and sex and rumbles. So please, Y/N... Please don't leave. And I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

    "I love you too, Dally. So much more than you'll ever be able to know."

    At this point, his hands were tangled in yours, your faces close together as you both finally admitted your true feeling for one another after all of this time.

    "You do?" He asked, shock evident in his voice. "You love me?"

    "Of course I love you, Dally. I've loved you ever since we were kids." You whispered, your lips only inches apart.

    "Can I kiss you?" He asks softly, his hands going slowly and tenderly up to your neck.

    "Please."

    And with that, you lips met in the most perfect kiss you could ever think of, like your lips were pieces of a puzzle and were made to fit perfectly together. After a few minutes it grew more passionate, more lust filled.

    His hands went down to the back of your thighs, gripping them tightly as you jumped up to wrap your legs around his waist. The two of you continued kissing as he walked the both of you to your room. He placed you softly on your bed, kissing down your body as he lifted an oversized white t-shirt, that just so happened to be his, over your head. He kissed all over your chest and your neck, only stopping for a few seconds to shed off his leather jacket and black shirt, before immediately going back to your lips to kiss you as you moaned into each others mouths while your hips grinned against each other's.

    "Dally, please." You moaned, your hands smoothing over his back.

    "Please what?" He asked, looking at your with swollen red lips, a beautiful contrast to his pale skin.

    "Make love to me." You whispered, your lips close to each others until he closed the distance between your mouths.

    He kissed down your neck, chest, and stomach again as he pulled your shorts off of you, moving to kiss your inner thighs as you whined from the feeling that you missed.

    He stood up again to unbuckle his belt, taking his pants off not shortly after. You pulled him back on top of you, reveling in the feeling of his bare skin against yours. He took his length in is hands, lining it up with your entrance before stopping for a few seconds to stare deeply into his big brown eyes.

    "I love you." He whispered.

    "I love you too." You replied before you met your lips with his again.

    The second he thrusted slowly inside of you, you both let out moans at the amazing feeling. he started with a slow, tender pace as you breathed heavily into each others mouths, your eyes still staring into the others.

    "Oh my god." You moaned out, eyes finally shutting tightly as he continued to pump into you, his pace quickening as his groans started to grow louder and loader, along with your moans.

    "Fuck, I love you so-" He said, getting cut off as he groaned loudly. "I love you so much."

    "I love you too, Dally- Fuck!" You screamed, the feeling of him being inside of you so goddamn intense that you could barely speak coherently.

    And then it made sense. Every feeling that you had ever had for him made so much sense. Every time that he would look at you and smile at the completely ordinary thing you were doing, every time that he told you to call him when you got home, every time that his figures brushed against yours while watching a movie made sense. He had loved you even longer that you had loved him. From the second your eyes met his when you met, he was absolutely head over heels in love with you. He had never realized how much he needed to tell you until he almost lost you, until he realized how much he needs you.

    "Dally, I'm not gonna last much longer." You moaned, lips moving to kiss the sides of his clan shaven face and his smooth forehead.

    "N-neither am I. Fuck, please cum for me, Y/N. Please. God, I love you." He moaned before his head dipped down to meet your lips with his.

    And with a few more thrusts, you were completely spiraling underneath him, your whole body trembling as you came at this same time, his final few thrusts harder and deeper than before until he finally collapsed on top of you, his lips going to kiss your red cheeks as you both breathed heavily.

    "I love you so much. Please be mine, Y/N. Please." He said, his lips skimming yours.

    "I love you more, Dally. And I'll be yours, forever and ever and ever." And with that, you both fell asleep, all sweaty and gross. But you were sweaty and gross and happier than you had ever been before.

[kafka-ish]

the drunken words you spoke last night (1) | b.d.

one thing leads to another and before she knows it, y/n's longtime crush becomes a casual fuck.

word count: 2,893

warnings/included: nsfw (explicit smut -- male x female, pretty vanilla), fem!reader, angst(?), also a lot of this is written in italics cuz of flashbacks

a/n: sorry it's been so long since i've written anything!!

-

It was never supposed to end up like this. Just one quick fuck was all it was supposed to be; which lead to another one, then another one, then another one…

y/n watches as Bill scurries around the room, searching for his shirt. She’s noiseless and he doesn’t know she’s awake yet. He does a good job at being quiet, making sure not to disturb what he thinks is a sleeping y/n. The grey baseball tee he wore to her place last night turned out to be underneath her bed—how it got there was a different story. The silence is broken when Bill opens the door and is met with a large creaking sound.

Don’t look back, don’t look back, don’t look—

He regrets it immediately when he sees y/n, her back against her bedframe. She’s wide-eyed from watching him with such intent.

“Hu-hey.” Bill swallows the saliva gathering in the back of his throat. “I, uh, I didn’t nuh-know—”

“It’s fine.” y/n says her words with such ease and for a moment Bill’s jealous. He wants to know a life without speech therapy, a life without the nickname Stuttering Bill. And most of all, he wants to know a life without loving someone who won’t love you back.

“So, you’re not staying?” y/n does her best to conceal the insecurity in her voice but it’s hard. She doesn’t want to come off as needy or clingy, but she wants a response she already knows the answer to.

“I duh-didn’t want t-to wake you.” Bill shrugs as he says this. Half of it was true—he really didn’t want to wake y/n but seeing as she was already up his excuse fell flat.

“Right.” It takes everything for y/n to not roll her eyes as she replies through gritted teeth.

“So…” Bill’s left foot is digging into the carpet and his fingers find themselves intertwined together.

“So.” y/n herself is picking at loose strings from her worn-out comforter. Her eyes avert from their previous lock on his figure and she doesn’t know what to do with the lump in the back of her throat. She’s annoyed—no—furious.

It was never supposed to end up like this.

“Hey,” Bill answered the door in low-rise sweats and shirtless. “What’s u—”

He’s cut off and taken aback with a messy kiss. It’s bold, breathtaking, and smelled like vodka—nothing he’d ever expect from y/n. Once the shock had passed, he felt his eyes flutter shut and he became lax under her touch.

“I need you,” y/n mumbled helplessly in between kisses. Her fingers which had previously been confidently intertwined around his neck were now reaching for the ends of her shirt.

“W-Wait—what?” Bill’s still hazy from the blunt he smoked earlier and everything’s going so fast.

“You heard me.” Uh, not really. She pressed another kiss to his already swollen lips and the feeling of his skin on hers feels a hundred times better than what she imagined it to be. “Fuck.” Her hips press up to his, but Bill can’t revel in the delicious spark their jeans create every time her hips meet his.

The Denbrough’s front door is still open.

“y/n,” Bill spoke. He tried to say it firmly, but it came out as more of a breath than an assertion.

“Hmm?” The noises coming from her are downright pornographic, which only made Bill wonder what the rest of the night will be like.

“I have to shut the door,” he whispered. His breath tickled her neck and y/n felt her face grow hotter—if that was even possible. Reluctantly, y/n relieved Bill of her possessive grip so he could shut the door. But, immediately, he noticed he’s cold—freezing, even. But how can Bill be cold in the middle of July—Maine’s hottest month?

y/n’s quick to reassume her previous position—arms swung around his tanned neck, hips bucked up desperately to meet his.

“Wuh-we should take this somewhere more comfortable. Sh-shouldn’t we?” Bill only stuttered when he’s nervous now. It’s cute.

She pressed a quick kiss onto his jawline. If there weren’t remnants of her lipstick on his skin, he’d assume he was dreaming. “Okay,” she hummed into the spot her lips had just previously grazed over. Bill shivers.

He led the two of them up the stairs and into his room. The trip is slow. Bill’s careful to make sure y/n didn’t trip or snag her top on the railing. What a gentleman.

“Bill,” she whined.

That night, Bill decided his favorite sound was her voice calling his name. He’s always loved the sound of y/n’s voice and the way his name rolled off her tongue (“Bill, watch!” “Bill are you coming?”). But this was different. Tonight was different.

“Bill, I need you.” He turned to y/n who wore a pout as she followed Bill closely into his room. It’s pitch black but Bill doesn’t need to turn on a light to know his way around.

The back of y/n’s calves hit his bed with a light thump followed by another whimper.

“Shh,” Bill cooed into her hair…

y/n awoke that morning with her too-tight tank top and faded denim shorts replaced with one of Bill’s graphic tees that drape over her figure like a dress. She finds half of her eyeliner and lipstick-stained on Bill’s grey pillowcase and there’s an empty space next to her where Bill once lay.

“Fuck,” y/n whispered to herself. She can’t remember the events that happened last night, and the pounding in her head doesn’t make it any better. But the way the sheets around her creased and wrinkled, and the way her collarbone peaked out of Bill’s Led Zeppelin tee made her skin crawl and her stomach turn.

“Hey.”

Bill’s scratchy morning voice startled y/n. His perfect tall and slender figure slanted against the doorframe and y/n had to compose herself under his sheets the way she’s done all her life.

“Hi,” she swallowed thickly. Her breathing started to pick up along with her pulse and when did it get so hot in here?

“Do you want breakfast?” Bill made a motion towards the kitchen downstairs. “My parents aren’t home still. I guh-guess they’re still out.” Bill’s parents were always “out”.

y/n only nodded.

“Look, about last night—”

“Whatever happened last night, I can—”

“Did you mean it?” Bill cut her off, not even listening to the word vomit spilling from y/n’s splotchy lips.

“Mean what?” y/n’s ungroomed eyebrows furrowed together inquisitively because what the fuck? What on earth happened last night that could have left Bill Denbrough wondering for answers in the morning?

“Wuh-when you said that stuff about needing me.” From the flushed cheeks and timid words, y/n could tell Bill felt awkward saying to her what he’d just said.

Mortification took the form of y/n y/l/n that morning. The tiny hairs on her neck started to rise and goosebumps shot a trail down her forearms.

Bill crept forward after he didn’t receive a response. His face was only a few inches away from y/n’s. The swoosh of his I-just-woke-up hair framed his hairline like an auburn halo. To make matters worse, the morning sun shone directly on his skin, giving him a god-like glow.

“Did you?” His minty breath hit her face. Colgate.

Instead of watching his swimmingly blue eyes—swimming for answers, an indication, anything—she watched his lips. She admired how rosy they were even in the morning. She admired the curl of his cupid’s bow. She admired how soft they looked and felt as she bit the bullet and shoved herself forward to kiss him.

This kiss is different from last night. It’s daring, yet nervous; sweet, but awkward. It’s not the same as her desperate kisses from when she was wasted. This kiss is slow, thoughtful—

Bill pulled away. His breaths grew heavy, and his eyesight got hazy. The only thing he could think to do was go in for another kiss. So, he did. He’s quick to capture her bottom lip with his and cup her jawline in the palm of his hand.

Bill’s impatient now. His parents were gone, and he had a beautiful girl in his bed. What else was a teenage boy to do? In a flash of flesh, Bill’s shirt was gone.

“Do-do you want this?” He asked before he made the effort to remove any other articles of clothing and possibly embarrass himself further. Of course, Bill would be perfectly fine with getting off in the other room with just his bruised ego and bare chest to keep him company.

But y/n was fast to reply “yes” and press yet another kiss on Bill’s swollen lips. Their flesh pinned against each other’s elicited a feeling inside the two that both y/n and Bill had never felt before.

“You smell good,” Bill murmured against her shoulder. The words slipped out of his mouth like a hockey puck on ice. “I bet you taste even better.”

y/n grew flustered at the sudden statement. It wasn’t like Bill to confess something like that—at least not to her. Before another moan, like the ones from last night, could claw its way out of her throat, y/n caught Bill sliding the elastic of his grey sweats down his long legs.

He’s in his boxers. y/n could only catch glimpses of streaks of greens and yellows but didn’t get a chance to look at them for long as her attention was redirected to taking off her—Bill’s—shirt.

Although he knew it wasn’t gentlemanly, Bill could only stare at y/n’s bra-clad chest. It’s just black, simple, classic. But it hugged y/n’s figure effortlessly and contorted her shape perfectly.

“Bill?” y/n wondered aloud. His silence worried her, but she has nothing to worry about—she’s got Bill hooked like a fish.

Her meek words snapped Bill out of his trance, which allowed him to press another kiss onto her lips before he trailed down to her neck. Each graze of his lips turned her into a moaning mess. Bill wished he could say he was surprised, but he wasn’t, not from when he remembered the events from last night so vividly.

His lips lingered a little longer on a certain spot just above her collarbone that made y/n’s lips part so erotic-like, Bill thought he might cum at the sight.

But he wouldn’t allow himself to release just mere seconds in of making out with his dream girl—even if it pained him.

He released his lips from her skin, leaving a bruise. Bill chuckled to himself. At least, if he can’t have her, he can pretend he does for these few moments until she leaves for home and covers his mark with her trusty concealer.

Their lips clashed again. It was hard and rough—y/n’s more dominant than she let on and before either of them realized, she was on top: legs straddled Bill’s torso, nimble fingers gripped at his skin where a shirt used to be, and her lips viscously stained his red with what was left of her lipstick from last night.

Bill’s the one to moan this time. The sound was throaty and gruff, which sent shocks straight to y/n’s core. She bucked up, causing Bill to moan again and the cycle repeats.

“Fuck, y/n, I need you.” y/n liked this side of Bill: the bolder, dominant side; the speak-your-mind side. But most of all, y/n liked Bill.

She giggled at his words. She loved the way his voice cracked with desperation and the way his fingers began to clutch her skin tighter—like she was his.

The delicate sound of y/n’s voice only made Bill want her more. The tent in his boxers grew impossibly harder—a contradicting feeling of pain and desire at the same time.

“Please.” It wasn’t long until Bill’s groans turned into pleads. The rough palms of his hands coast across her bare skin, causing goosebumps to form and hair to raise. “Please.” The fast movements of y/n’s clothed clit on his plaid-covered dick matched the fast beats of y/n’s pounding heart.

Ba-dumb. Ba-dumb. Ba-dumb.

“Plu-“

“Tell me what you want,” Bill’s voice easily sliced through y/n’s pathetic whines, “using your words,” he instructed clearly.

“I wah—” Another whine. “I want you.”

At that, the rough pad of Bill’s thumb started to massage the sharp edge of y/n’s jaw. “I need you to be more specific, baby.”

Baby? Bill’s never called her that before. Actually, Bill’s never had a girl as beautiful as y/n on top of his lap before but here he was, the tent in his boxers being barely relieved by the girl by his dreams.

“I—” The sensation of the fabric against skin felt too much to bear but she wanted more. “I want your—your cock in me. Please.” She said this through lazy lips and heavy lids.

“F-f-fuck.” Bill groaned at the vulgarity of her words. Never in his life would he expect y/n to utter something as filthy as that. But never in his life would Bill Denbrough ever expect to be offered the chance to fuck her. “Okay, baby, hold on.” His calloused palm slowly slipped its way down from the slope of her jaw to her neck where fingerprints were left and then down to the clasp of her bra.

The damn thing. As hard as his hand grasped and as hard as his fingers twisted, the clip wouldn’t budge.

“Need some help?” y/n giggled, as she noticed Bill’s pained expression. Effortlessly, she unhooked the cursed contraption. It was as effortless as how the piece of fabric once made her look so perfect. But perfection didn’t change once the garment left her skin. Bill then realized that it wasn’t the strawberry-stained lips or the dramatic smokey eye or the tempting clothing that made y/n perfect. y/n was already perfect on her own; everything else was just a prop.

Bill’s once furrowed brows softened when y/n began to take the lead. His bare back pressed further into the mattress in the same motion y/n’s chest leaned into his.

Her crotch just barely brushed his and Bill couldn’t take the ‘almost there’ feeling anymore. “I hate these,” he bit. His hand swooped down to peel off the lacy string of fabric in one harsh motion.

“This is a little unfair, isn’t it?” y/n posed. Her eyebrow raised a little the way it always did when she asked a question. Her hands were cold when they made a trail down his chest and to his boxers. “Now we’re even,” she giggled when she finally released him from his confinements.

In an instant, Bill’s erection had slapped his stomach and y/n found herself near salivating at the sight. Her thumb just barely brushed the tip, letting out a hiss from Bill.

“Baby—”

“Shh…” Before Bill could get another word out through choked moans and deep breaths, y/n led his cock to her heat. Immediately, she let out a whine at the stretch of Bill which he chuckled at. “Bill..”

“Yes?” Bill couldn’t help but smirk at the fact that he was making her feel this way. He was the one whose name she was moaning. He was the one she was fucking.

“Bill…harder…” Her moans were like a record Bill would never get tired of hearing. His right hand moved to brush a stray strand of hair behind her ear before his fingers gripped her scalp while his left hand moved just below her butt, allowing him to thrust deeper.

Moans turned into whines and whines turned into screams as Bill set the pace faster and harder. Each thrust hit deeper each time, hitting a spot no boy had ever found before. “Bill, I’m—” But y/n’s words were cut off when Bill’s lips captured hers in a kiss. His hand still found itself tangled in her morning hair. His other hand still tightly gripped on her ass which would surely leave a bruise. His hips bucked up once more, leaving y/n in a moaning mess, unable to hold herself above him anymore. With shaky arms, y/n allowed herself to collapse on Bill’s chest. Their breaths mixed and their pants synced.

Tenaciously, Bill pressed a kiss upon y/n’s sweat-slicked forehead. The feeling of his lips was gentle and tickled as they dragged down to her cheekbone.

It was never supposed to end up like this, y/n could only think to herself now as she watched Bill walk out of her room and presumably out the front door. Of course, he’d be back the next night. Ever since their first drunken encounter with each other, casual sex had become second nature to y/n and Bill—like learning how to tie your shoes or riding your bike. But it was at this moment when y/n realized how she wanted more.

Hickies and torn shirts would never be enough to satisfy the aching need for something deeper; the feeling that made her stomach drop every time she caught Bill looking at her; the feeling that made her throat dry up every time she tried to speak to him outside of moans and cries; the feeling that made her heart skip a beat at the thought of him; the feeling of want—and only want—for Bill Denbrough.

[badgirlcovenrep]

omg chenrich prompts? hell yeah!! Okay so how about immediately after the council meeting? Steph taking Alex to the hospital because u KNOW its steph who takes her to get treated

As is expected I got a little carried away 😁

So this is a bit of a mix between chenrich in the hospital and medical grade painkillers Alex lol

Hope you enjoy!

No one could have prepared them for that community meeting. Steph shook all over just to think of Jed luring Alex into the woods. Of him leaving her for dead in some awful mining hole.

It made her so furious. Even hearing him cry, blabbering like a sad shadow of the man she'd known (the man that was all a charismatic lie, showmanship, to hide the disgusting truth) her anger, her hurt was too fresh for the girl to gather any sort of sadness for him.

"I'm sorry, Ryan," Alex repeats, standing at the bar with them.

Ryan is staring, speechless, at his father's crying shadow.

"I'm so sorry-" she tries to take a step forward, but her feet falter, and Alex nearly topples over to the ground, grunting in pain as Steph jumps to hold her elbow and help steady her into the floor once again.

"Fuck, Alex, you need a doctor." Steph insists. But Alex is looking at Ryan with so much concern that she can't get her to move.

"It's not your fault, okay?" Ryan finally speaks, breaking out of whatever haze he'd been in to look back at her, "It's not your fault. I just- need a moment to process all this. Go with Steph, you're hurt."

Alex finally looks at her then, and Steph can feel herself plead with her eyes - because she might not know a lot about these sorts of injuries but she's smart enough to know - just by the way she's swaying back and forth on unsteady feet - they probably have another minute, at most, before Alex collapses.

"You did it." Steph mumbles, voice filling with unbridled pride as well as urgency, touching down Alex's arm to hold her cold hand, "You did it, ok? You can settle down now."

Her brown eyes are hazy, blinking back to Steph with rapidly heavying eyelids.

"Good. That's- That's good." Alex slurs back, the last reminiscent of adrenaline leaking out of her body in a heavy huff, "very, very good-"

Steph barely has a second to process what is happening before Alex's body gives out. By some miracle, she's able to flip her arms around her shoulders just fast enough to stop her from falling to the ground.

****

Pike helps her take Alex to the local hospital before going back to deal with Jed's arrest.

It's a small hospital and probably has about ten rooms, but given that these sorts of things (bad things) rarely ever happen in Haven Springs, they're quickly given a private room, and Alex is just conscient enough (before she passes out from the painkillers) to tell the staff she could stay.

Steph doesn't think she would have left either way. Not without knowing Alex was alright, but it's good to have permission to sit by her as she fluttered in and out of drug-induced, heavy sleep.

The doctor had given her the run-down of the other girl's injuries. Five broken ribs, stage two trauma to the head - probable concussion to be assessed once she was more awake - a punctured lung, internal bleeding all around the ribcage, and a bullet wound to the shoulder.

She was an absolute mess of scars. A walking, breathing miracle.

Steph had heard the doctor talking to the police when she stepped out to get some snacks at the vending machines. "She should be dead." He said, with such conviction and surprise, it made her stomach turn.

Steph felt that she could do nothing but sit by Alex's sleeping form, slowly realizing that she was absolutely screwed. Because she already liked this girl way too much - and God, what a roller-coaster of emotion she'd been put on the last month - but how could she not? When Alex just waltzed into everyone's lives like this determined, selfless little light? When she was so obviously a rare soul, made of so much sweetness, and softness, and strength, Steph doubted she'd ever come across someone like her again?

Looking at the circumstances from the other side now, it seemed as inevitable as any of it.

"I can feel you thinking." Alex's voice startles her out of her thoughts. Steph looks up to meet her tired brown eyes, looking so soft and vulnerable without her glasses and surrounded by clean hospital sheets, "You've been broody lately."

Steph giggles, choking on her own emotion, "Guess I'm still mad about Jed." It's not a lie. She is upset. But there was a lot more than that, more about how her insides swelled with emotion when Alex looked at her - but she leaves it the way it is.

"I forgave him." She shrugs. And Steph knows she did, she was there after all, but that didn't mean the drummer was quite as ready herself.

"Well, I didn't." And maybe that makes her childish - resentful - but she can't take the image of him pointing a gun at Alex out of her head. The image of him pulling the trigger, sending her off to what could very well have been death - "at least you made him cry like a baby."

"Jerk." Alex smiles, eyes squinting back at her in humorous indignation before they slowly turn more vulnerable as she adjusts herself on the mattress, patting the empty space beside her body, "Can you- come lie down with me?"

There's nothing, truly, that Steph would have liked more. She would take any chance of being closer to Alex (and of getting off the uncomfortable hospital chair) but she was also still afraid - still scared something might go wrong and they'd lose her. "Are you sure? You're hurt."

"Please?" Alex pleads, blinking back at her with honest-to-God puppy eyes, even if still a little glassed-over from the amount of Vicodin they were pumping into her veins. For the umpteenth time in the past few days, Steph has even more confirmation that she is screwed.

Because, honestly, there's nothing Alex couldn't get her to do with just a slow blink of her brown eyes.

So she gets up and climbs into bed with her. It's incredibly tight for two people, and they are instantly pressed together as Alex scoots over the pillow so they can look at each other, alone in this hospital room that smelled like industrial-grade detergent.

Alex reaches forward and takes her cheeks between her palms, so very close Steph can't help but catalog all the cuts and bruises covering her face.

"You're so pretty." The girl says, finally, and Steph can hear the tiny slur in her voice. She's probably still drunk on a shit ton of medicine, but it does nothing to stop the drummer from blushing profusely, "you're, really, really pretty. Have I told you that?"

"Hm- yeah you sorta- do that when you're on painkillers." Steph comments, and her eyes can't help but fall to Alex's mouth.

She has a tiny cut on her lower lip, and Steph's fingers itch to touch it. To feel her skin again, like that night on the roof, when she felt so warm and tingly, like a live wire of electricity that could swallow Steph whole. For now, she holds her distance.

"But it's true." Alex pouts, "and you're really hot when you're protective too."

Now that- that was different from anything she'd said before. And when she looks up, the girl realizes Alex's eyes have turned to stare at Steph's lips too.

"Yeah?" She asks, a little too cocky given the situation, but oh well, you can't blame her for the swell of pride that takes over her chest.

"Yeah." Alex teases back, "Thank you. For taking care of me. For being mad at Jed for me- even if you can't do anything about it." Her tone turns sincere, and her eyes flutter everywhere but Steph's face, Alex's dead giveaway that she was trying to hold something back.

"Oh please, I'll rip his mustache off." Steph jokes, because it's her default strategy when she doesn't quite know what to do, "You have lost your right to upstanding citizen facial hair, sir!"

"Fuck, Steph, don't make me laugh." Alex says as a few stolen giggles escape her lips, creating ripples across her shattered chest that made her hiss with pain.

"Shit, I'm sorry." Steph apologizes, and on instinct, she leans closer to run her hands over Alex's arm in reassurance, holding the weight of her body above Alex with her elbow.

From this angle, they were even closer, and Steph was staring at her from above, watching Alex smile at her, head on the pillow and a half-lidded, humorous expression on her face.

"Oh, this is nothing. Just a few cuts compared to my fighting days." She jokes, and Steph's heart is filled with so much concern, so much love for this girl she can't help but fluster with anger.

"Shut up. You're gonna hurt yourself if you don't take it seriously." Steph says, "you're like, seriously hurt, Alex, you could have died."

Steph wants to ask, but Alex's free hand reaches forward and pulls her closer, fist tightening around the collar of her button-up shirt, and suddenly they are so close her hand shakes with the itch to touch her, "See? Protective Steph is so hot."

"I know. I'm sorry." Alex has the decency to look reprimanded, smoothing one hand over Steph's shoulder in a simple act that sends calming waves over Steph's flushed skin, "I'm okay. I promise" she's being sincere, Steph knows she is by the way she frowns slightly in concern. However, there's a quiet, teasing smile spreading across her face.

And Steph honestly used to think she was smooth.

She made girls blush by the minute. Awoke the bisexuality in at least a few of her drunk makeouts on the way from California to here. She used to be a real flirt, ready for anything a pretty girl could throw her way. But sitting here, with her torso half hovering over Alex Chen's body, her tongue feels heavy, and her brain can't conjure a single thing to offer in response.

It's at least a relief that she doesn't say anything, because a second later, Alex is smiling at her with her coy, knowing little smirk, and pulling her in for a kiss.

Steph is far too focused on not crushing her further, very deliberately placing her hands on both sides of her head to better hold her weight, but she still feels the strong, dizzying zap of electricity as Alex's lips touch hers, her lungs filling with liquid, warm waves of emotion.

And maybe, Steph thinks, it'd be fine if she never breathed air again.