#also remember that i had a very unconventional life and that I am a very unconventional person

[starzzmissthesun]

i think you should totally drop whatever hc/ideas you have lying around honestly...i would love to see more into ur brain...pls <33

:DD

Hi!!!! Sorry this is a little late, I got so distracted with an animatic im working on(😈) and then a stupid essay😭😭 being honest rn... Almost all of what I've been thinking about is my fic.. 😔

But!! I can still go a little into that without spoilers. I've finally figured out The Perfect ending for this story that I feel fits with the overarching themes I wanted to tell. I've been making sure that every little detail fits with the themes I wanted to show, I wanted it to overlap Regulus and barty's characters and their overarching themes with PD. I also didn't want to just replicate PD cause I feel like that doesnt have the depth or commentary I want to out into it. Idk ive always thought it's super fun to put everything as some sort of symbol or metaphor or foreshadowing. I'm like literally so close to being done drafting and then I can actually talk about it a little more😭

Anyways! I've also been thinking about barty post regs death 😔(when am I not) But more specifically how every memory he had would almost be tainted, everything now would have an air of questioning and unsureness. Even memories where Regulus isn't there, just wondering where was he? What was he thinking? Am I remembering this right? What could've I changed? What was the domino that caused all of this to happen? Eventually finding it hard to accept the way it really was, having the "I guess it was" and feeling it, but overintellectualizing it. His logic and reasoning is his downfall in this situation, that's what makes him go crazy. (Side note I NEED to make a little post about his intersection between intelligence and madness) Hes doing a complicated version of when there's a task that seems so simple that you think it's a trick, but it's not, it's just that. What happened with Regulus was just that.

Also, I've recently self reflected and realized that a lot of my barty characterization is similar to how I think of Leonard Cohen's art(who I LOVE LOVE LOVE) Idk if you've listened to him or read any of his work, but I HIGHLY suggest it, it's perfect for fall. Anyways, a lot of his songs and poems carry themes of having a twisted self image, not completely self deprication though it may seem, but something else. It's closer to understanding and knowing that you are. Different. And unconventional. It's an uncomfortablility he has with himself. Being soemthig twisted from what you should've been. A lot of his stuff is also to do with tragically losing someone, out of their own choice, and still feeling very loyal yet bitter. Also of loving something so much that it turns dark, or it goes too quick, it spirals. Also his love songs are very barty's perspective on bartylus to me. And like, obvious war mentions. I could give some specific recs similar to barty or them if you'd like.

Another thing is of Regulus and his relationship with his dad. Though I see it completely reasonable if his dad was just kind of, not there and neglectful, it could give very interesting implications to his character, I like it the other way around. Orion seeing what a more carefree attempt at raising a child does and keeping Regulus even closer than he did before. I think Orion always liked Regulus more, despite him being the second, because he was a model son. I don't think he wanted this life or even to have kids, so Regulus being so complacent and in line with what he was supposed to be as a pure blood made him the decided favourite(as much as he could have one). He was always keeping a close eye on Regulus and he could feel it, but he didn't do anything out of place anyways. Orion could tell when he was even thinking something he wasn't supposed to. I believe that, no matter how much she tried, walpurga was too caught in her own head about her duty as a mother to see S+R as anything other than Her Kids, as property that she was supposed to care for and tend to, she obviously loved them, but couldn't see through them. But Orion was there around every corner looking through regulus' eyes into his soul to search for any thing out of his perfect kid.

Anyways.... That's all I can think of rn😭 but if you have questions about ANY of them lmk!!! I love yapping about my little thoughts 😁😁

[greenleaf4stuff]

Of Convenience, pt 2

(Cont. from this) (all parts of "Of Convenience")

Adar x Celebrimbor (silverscars) political marriage AU, 2nd snippet. Adar finds someone to officiate the marriage. The elf in question does not think this is a good idea and is pretty vocal about it. Celebrimbor must convince a good friend to help him - even if by, well, unconventional means.

Hiii guys this AU is slowly but surely taking over my brain so - have another snippet. No guarantee how many I'll end up writing, but well, this one exists, so I want to share it. If anyone else wants to try their hand on this concept/AU, be my guest!

"I refuse!" Galadriel spat, after Adar had dragged her into the tent after himself. Celebrimbor had very little time to be elated to see the other elf again before she ripped herself from Adar's grasp and put herself between Celebrimbor and the uruk. "You are trying to force him into something he does not want, would not want if he had any other options left. I refuse to lend you the legitimacy to the claim you seek. I will have no part in it."

She was as brilliant and fearless as the smith remembered her; despite her being in chains and how the two of them were surrounded by potential enemies from all sides, Galadriel was willing to risk her safety and lay down her life for Celebrimbor.

Which was precisely the reason as to why he would not take her up on the 'offer'.

He held up his hands and stared beseechingly at the uruk, who appeared stoic at first glance - but whose gauntleted fist was tightly clenched at his side, grasping the handle of his sword. At Celebrimbor's silent request, the uruk stopped his attempt to get closer. He even motioned the two uruk who had come in alongside him to stand down with a glance, before his eyes settled onto Celebrimbor again. Adar seemed oddly curious now, as if the tension had bled out of him.

The elf brushed it aside, and carefully came closer to Galadriel, humming before he touched her arm as not to startle her. She stepped back, closer to him.

Apropos of nothing, she hissed. "He speaks Quenya and Sindarin. Don't say anything you don't want him to hear."

Celebrimbor blinked, confused. Both at Galadriel's warning, and the fact that this unusual uruk spoke their languages. Then again - he did look elven enough that he might indeed be Moriondor. A terrifying thought, perhaps, but also one that held possibilities.

With gentle motions, the smith began to rub Galadriel's arm, and coaxed. "My friend, be at ease. Let me talk to you, first. Are you alright?"

She seemed torn between turning towards him to reassure him, and keeping an eye on the three uruk in the tent with them. Celebrimbor stepped forward and wrapped an arm around her, so the two of them were shoulder-to-shoulder - they'd cover their backs and she'd still be able to look at him. He had a hunch he'd need to be able to do that for the conversation that would follow.

Her eyes were wild as she was moved, her glances brief, but eventually she allowed herself a moment to take in the smith's face. "I am unharmed," she replied, brief and non-committal. Her glare went back to Adar. "You?"

Celebrimbor continued to rub her shoulder. "I've been treated well. He gave me food and drink," he paused, and looked at Adar. "He didn't even bind me."

This time, Galadriel did whirl around. Celebrimbor held up his hands and indeed, he had neither ropes nor manacles around his wrists. She tilted her head like a bird, and then glanced back at the uruk. Her expression still spoke of suspicion, but at least she wasn't quite so full of hatred anymore.

"Their leader told me he is planning to force you into a marriage," the word sounded like an insult from her mouth. "And tried to lie to me, claiming you'd accept to such a ludicruous idea-"

"Galadriel-," Celebrimbor sighed, gentle. Something in his tone must have given him away, because when Galadriel next turned towards him, she completely forgot the other people in the room by turning around fully. And shock was written all over her face.

If the situation wasn't so dire, the smith would have laughed at the picture she made. She was usually nearly unflappable in times of battle.

"-listen to me, I-"

"You cannot be serious," she breathed, still in shock, and grabbed Celebrimbor's hands with her own. "Tyelpe, listen to yourself. This orc-"

"Uruk," came from the other side of the room. Celebrimbor briefly looked up to see that Adar had spoken the words, but there was no heat behind them. If anything, he looked almost mildly amused. Celebrimbor threw him a glare and then focused on his friend again.

"Orc," she doubled down. Celebrimbor groaned internally. "Is speaking lies! He is trying to rope you into a plan to attack your own people, because he thinks-"

"Sauron is in Eregion. Yes," the smith finished her sentence, and Galadriel's expression fell out of her face at the name. "He's right. I- I have seen him. I know he's there because-"

He hoped, prayed to the Valar that his friend would forgive him. "Because I chose to ignore your warnings when 'Halbrand' returned to Eregion. I..." his voice broke. "I let him in, and now he won't leave. He's- he tricked me and my people, and when I realized it was far too late already."

His confession threatened to tear him apart, and he felt tears of frustration and shame gather in his eyes. "I am so sorry, my friend. I made a terrible mistake. And now my city is going to pay for it."

He would not crumble in the middle of an enemy tent, in front of the leader of a dark army that was still readying itself to attack Ost-In-Edhil if he diverged from the path he and Adar had set themselves onto.

Galadriel's gentle fingers at his cheek were a balm to his soul. As were her kind, understanding eyes. Gone was the commander of the Lindon elves, replaced with a kind smile and an imploring gaze.

"He tricked me too, same as you," she confessed. "Same as he has done to others," Adar's voice drifted over. Celebrimbor looked over in confusion and saw an unusually vulnerable expression on the other's face. And then the smith noticed how Galadriel's eyes had sunk to the floor as if contemplating something herself.

"It's not your fault," the female elf finally settled on, and looked at the smith, imploringly. "Almost none can resist him. And he set out to trick you, it wasn't a mistake or a coincidence on his part. When he first sets his sights on you...it already becomes impossible to escape him. Do not blame yourself for it."

"But I do," Celebrimbor said, and hushed Galadriel as she tried to reassure him. "I am the lord of this city. Of its citizens. I am meant to be their protector, and yet I couldn't even protect myself..."

"Which is why you must do me this favor, and help officiate a marriage between me and Adar." It was, perhaps, unfair to end his heartfelt confession with such a demand, but time was of the essence. Celebrimbor could apologize to her later, if she took offense to it. "His reasoning is sound - he plans to vanquish our common foe. As his husband, I can hand over control of my city to him. My people would have to accept that claim. He could enter it and drive out Annatar- Sauron. Hopefully with little bloodshed."

He trembled as he repeated Adar's plans at his friend, whose face was moving through different emotions at a speed too rapid to keep up with. Still, the smith pressed on. "Please Galadriel - like this, he will advance on Eregion. Elves and uruk will die, and Sauron will reign over whatever is left. Likely, he'll take the city and the army both. I know not how. But whatever he plans cannot be good," another pause. "He's tried to get me to make more rings."

At the mention of Sauron taking over the uruk army, there was a loud hiss from across the room, but it was Galadriel who was jerking in the smith's grasp at the mention of the rings.

"Over my dead body," Adar snarled, but the smith chose to ignore him for the moment. He could discuss this further with Adar when they were alone.

"He wants me, Galadriel," Celebrimbor pressed, and sought out her eyes. "Please, I need you to help me put a stop to this." "There's got to be a better way than this." The smith could tell it was her last attempt to reason with him, and already, it sounded more like a plea than an exclamation made in full confidence. He guessed that she was quickly arriving at the same conclusion he himself had come to.

"If there is, we have no the time to parse it out, or to pursue it," he said, and there was a finality to his words that made Galadriel deflate in his hold. He drew her closer and pressed their foreheads together. "Officiate the marriage. Stand by my side and give legitimacy to Adar's claims. Help me bring this to Gil-Galad so we might unite their- our forces against this greater evil. You want to get rid of him too, do you not?"

She looked back at him. "I can tell you are trying to appeal to my sence of vengeance," she said. And then sighed. Celebrimbor could tell he had gotten through to her, and it made him sigh in turn - in relief.

"I will do as you ask," she told Celebrimbor, and threw another glare at Adar, whose expression was a mask of indifference - thankfully so, for the smith was sure that if the other had been smug about it, Galadriel would have made an attempt on his life, no matter the circumstances (or consequences). She turned back to him. "And I will stay by your side to make sure he won't go back on his word. If he does, I'll cut his throat."

Her bold declaration was met with enraged growling from the two uruk guards who had brought her in, and a watery smile from Celebrimbor, who nodded and brushed his thumbs over her cheeks. "Of that, I have no doubt."

This put a small grin to her face, at last. Good.

"Now that this matter is settled," a voice cut through the small moment of peace, shattering it. "I believe we should start. My children are getting restless, and morning is fast approaching."

Celebrimbor sought out Adar's gaze, who still seemed as unaffected as through most of the conversation, safe for the fact that he wasn't grasping his sword anymore and was infact walking over to the nearby table to drink from a goblet - wine, the smith presumed.

"Untie her, and then let us be done with it quickly." It sounded as if this marriage was merely another task for Adar to fulfill - the smith couldn't quite fault the uruk for that. There was no love between them, not even affection, safe for how he couldn't quite help following the motion as Adar lifted his glass and drank in big gulps, throat moving with the motions.

It was an oddly arresting sight, and Celebrimbor was thankful when the two approaching uruk guards helped him to tear his gaze away. They were cautious to touch Galadriel, and surprised the others in the tent when they gave Celebrimbor the permission to open her manacles with a key instead.

The smith rubbed her wrists between his hands after he'd handed the keys and manacles back to the guards without a fuss and thanked them. The raised eyebrows that greeted him were unexpected, however. He gave Galadriel a lopsided smile and made sure the commander would not require a balm for the chafing.

He was surprised to see that while the manacles had certainly worked, they hadn't cut into her skin. Even with how Galadriel had behaved - and Celebrimbor was sure she hadn't been caught without a fight - Adar hadn't had her bound so tightly that she would bruise.

Perhaps, he mused, there was indeed a way this alliance could work out. "Well then," the smith clapped his hands once. The finality of his words didn't escape him. "Let us proceed."

[lovecanbesostrange]

Please know that since yesterday I am mentally trapped in these two panels. There is actually a lot I will miss Krakoa for, but I also felt a bit of resentment throughout the era and this family is a big reason why. NOW that we are in the last stretch of burning it all down and the new X-launch is in reach, we'll get this wedding special. And we finally have all four together in a panel. NOW?! I bought X-Men Unlimited #4 in either fall of '94 or spring '95, solely because of the cover. 30 years of waiting. Let me live in this moment for a bit.

Look at what they are doing with the art! Oh sure, Mystique and Nightcrawler are the blue ones. Pair up Destiny and Rogue next to that to make them look similar enough as well. Only for my brain to scream "but the personalities are the other way around!!!!!!!!". Irene and Kurt work on faith and believe in possibilities and reaching out to be better. Raven and Anna Marie typing this out makes me feel weird are the ones who will kill a bitch and say they will darken their soul so others don't have to. Plus there is the element that they both have lived more than one life and their sense of self is distorted .

They've come a long way, okay?!

Yes this is exactly what it looks like. For plot reasons Nightcrawler was too weak to teleport and dangling off a cliff next to Mystique. And of course Rogue could only save one and before she made a decision Mystique said "I make this for you" and let go. I still like to believe she flipped them the bird when she fell. Because she is Mystique. "HaHa! Take this, you think I'm the worst mother ever, but you will have to live with a moment of nobility from me!" (Also Destiny knew this would come, and she fucking knows there is something good inside of Mystique. It just comes out... different. And needs very specific circumstances.)

Apart from X-Men Evolution (and the X-Men Forever alternate history comic with its very special vibes), we have never gotten any bigger acknowledgement of this family. And Irene has been cut out. Either conveniently on account of being dead, or because she's an old lady and clearly just a gal pal, ahem. (It's also very funny to me to go back to their first appearances, where the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants has the biggest Three Stooges energy ever. I needed Mystique, Destiny, Rogue, Pyro, Blob and Avalanche to have a drinking contest on Krakoa. That is what Krakoa was supposed to be about!! You needed to give us 200% domestic nonsense, fun and games. So it would hurt everybody when it was inevitably taken away. EVERYBODY needed to find happiness in that place in unconventional ways.)

Sadly not my original thought (I don't have those), but recently I read some comment where somebody said that with Irene being his bio-mother, Kurt should have inherited a type of precog-sense, a sorta spidey-sense for teleportation. A natural ability that he won't teleport into an obstacle. And I would be so on board with that. (Also funny, because Ms Marvel had that type of sense and I could pull up panels where Nightcrawler tried to trigger that in Rogue.) Would it be weird to add that now? Sure. But also super cute and helpful.

My deepest gratitude goes out to the fanartists who have doodled and sketched and painted cute family moments for them out of time. Now canon can catch up. Imagine their dinner conversations. N: "Logan is my best friend." M: "Oh, that reminds me there is this blue furball running around with his and my powers. I don't even remember if we ever had sex or not, we're so close in age and have these memory gaps." N: "Mutter, nein!" D: "You should ask him out, you two would make a cute couple. Trust me." R: "You're setting up Nightcrawler with Wolverine and keep giving me grief over Gambit?" M: "He speaks too much French! Wolverine might be Canadian, but at least he's not a Franco-Canadian!" N: "So I couldn't date Northstar?"

Do not get me wrong though. Mystique and Destiny are horrible people and they will stab others in the back. They have worked for the government, they have plotted assassinations of government people. They have fought alongside and against the X-Men. I don't want them tamed or be reasonable. I want their mess. I want them as anti-villains. Because they don't do heinous things for nothing. They like to create less horrible murder events than what could be... some writers just liked to go overboard with the scheming and forgot the sympathic undertones, which I want to cling to. And we deserved a time of peace on Krakoa. Truly imagine a Mystique who was happy on Krakoa. And the absolut batshit villainous energy when it's burned down against her will... now THAT would have been something. Instead of baking resentment into the foundation.

[mariana-oconnor]

The Final Problem pt 1

🎵It's the Fi-inal Proble-em🎶diddle-uh duh! Diddle-uduhduuuh!🎵

And now that's going to be stuck in my head all week.

I have seen multiple adaptations of this story and I believe I have read it twice in the original as well as having used it a few times for reference back in my days hanging out in the Sherlock comms on lj. So I know it pretty well. No rampant speculation this time, although there may be several highly inappropriate memes. I'll see what I can do.

It is with a heavy heart that I take up my pen to write these the last words in which I shall ever record the singular gifts by which my friend Mr Sherlock Holmes was distinguished.

Ah, here we find the true dichotomy of Watsonian vs Doyleist, as depicted in the diagram below.

My hand has been forced, however, by the recent letters in which Colonel James Moriarty defends the memory of his brother, and I have no choice but to lay the facts before the public exactly as they occurred.

ANOTHER FUCKING COLONEL! Colonels are the worst. I'm sure that at some poitn in his life ACD was in some way drastically wronged by a colonel in the British army whom he never forgot or forgave. Not a Major or a Lieutenant or a Captain, but definitely a Colonel.

Also, I thought Professor Moriarty was also called James. Did their parents just lack imagination? Or could they not be bothered to learn more than one name. Does it matter which child turns up, as long as one of them does? Is James just the name that ACD uses when he can't think of any others?

I alone know the absolute truth of the matter...

Are you sure about that, Watson? I feel like maybe there's like... one tiny thing you don't know. Just one. Absolutely minuscule thing. Not important at all. Barely worth knowing.

It may be remembered that after my marriage, and my subsequent start in private practice, the very intimate relations which had existed between Holmes and myself became to some extent modified.

Literally the other day you were living with him in Baker Street again, and it seems like you spent more time with Holmes in the months after your marriage than you did with your wife or at work, so I'm not sure that starting this true account of events off with a bald-faced lie is the best course of action, but sure.

Reading these stories in this order and seeing with complete clarity that ACD paid no attention to his past writing with regards to timeline and continuity is kind of funny. There were only three cases in 1890? I'm sure we've had more than three cases give us specific dates in 1890. I can't remember exactly when he got married, but it wasn't that long before 1890 (1888 wikipedia tells me, and many stories take place in that nebulous 'months after I was married' period. The timeline is honestly just chaos. One of the last stories was set in 1892, which from the date of this story is clearly impossible, so... Watson just makes up the dates to suit his own agenda?)

I received two notes from Holmes, dated from Narbonne and from Nîmes...

Now that I know he was recently in Nimes, I am going to be picturing Holmes in a pair of jeans for the rest of this story. That's just how it is. Sorry. And before you say it's anachronistic, denim trousers became popular in the 1870s in the states, iirc, so it's entirely plausible.

"...I must further beg you to be so unconventional as to allow me to leave your house presently by scrambling over your back garden wall."

Watson I have come to close your shutters, smoke a cigarette and climb over your backwall, and I'm all out of shutters and cigarettes.

"Is Mrs Watson in?" "She is away upon a visit." "Indeed! You are alone?" "Quite." "Then it makes it the easier for me to propose that you should come away with me for a week to the Continent."

Oh, and also to invite you on an impromptu romantic getaway to the continent, seeing as your wife's not around. I'm in fear for my life, but it's going to be great fun.

Watson suggesting that this is an 'aimless holiday' is odd. Watson, if your friend comes to you and admits that he's afraid of being shot and has been in a fight, wants to leave your house in an unconventional manner that will help him avoid being seen and simultaneously suggests you leave the country. It might be connected. The destination is clearly less important than the departing.

"You have probably never heard of Professor Moriarty?" said he.

This reveal was kind of spoiled for modern readers with the Colonel's name earlier, which is a bit of a shame. But I guess ACD had no idea that Moriarty would become such a household name that just this in itself would be able to make readers a century on go 'Oh!' Still a pity, though. Having that whole 'in danger for his life' thing and THEN the Moriarty reveal would be a better build up for modern readers.

"His career has been an extraordinary one. He is a man of good birth and excellent education, endowed by nature..."

👀

"...with a phenomenal mathematical faculty."

What is an 'army coach'? I mean, I know what I feel like it means, but I fail to see how it would be a good job for a professor of mathematics. Did he coach them in maths?

"He is the Napoleon of crime, Watson. He is the organiser of half that is evil and of nearly all that is undetected in this great city. He is a genius, a philosopher, an abstract thinker. He has a brain of the first order. He sits motionless, like a spider in the centre of its web, but that web has a thousand radiations, and he knows well every quiver of each of them."

Me, trying to find the most ridiculous gif of Macavity from Cats (2019): There's so. many. to choose from.

"Again and again he strove to break away, but I as often headed him off. I tell you, my friend, that if a detailed account of that silent contest could be written, it would take its place as the most brilliant bit of thrust-and-parry work in the history of detection."

When I first realised that Moriarty appears in only 1 of the Sherlock Holmes stories, I was kind of astonished, because he always seemed like he must have been a recurring nemesis to have made such an impact on the canon. But no, it really is just this story and ACD gives him a lot of hype. It leaves a lot of space in the narrative, and as we all know, the plot holes are where the fanfic gets in. Sherlock Holmes, I believe, is the most adapted character in English literary history. More than Robin Hood, more than King Arthur, more than any Shakespeare play. And you've got to wonder if part of that is because of the gaps in the narrative that are mentioned, but not fleshed out.

I wonder if, at the time, there were Sherlock Holmes fan groups who pored over past cases trying to find evidence of Moriarty's hand in previous stories. I bet there were people scribbling their own ideas of what happened between Moriarty and Holmes and reading them to their friends and family in the evenings. Just as I bet, after this story, a million fix it stories were written/told. I've never heard of any existing, but it feels like there must have been.

"I was sitting in my room thinking the matter over, when the door opened and Professor Moriarty stood before me."

"His appearance was quite familiar to me. He is extremely tall and thin, his forehead domes out in a white curve, and his two eyes are deeply sunken in this head. He is clean-shaven, pale, and ascetic-looking, retaining something of the professor in his features. His shoulders are rounded from much study, and his face protrudes forward, and is forever slowly oscillating from side to side in a curiously reptilian fashion."

Police officers are mammalian and criminal masterminds are reptilian. Good to know.

"'You have less frontal development that I should have expected,' said he, at last. 'It is a dangerous habit to finger loaded firearms in the pocket of one's dressing-gown.'"

"You have a small head." Interesting opening line. Although it is fair to say that he's right about the gun. Not best practice.

"'All that I have to say has already crossed your mind,' said he. "'Then possibly my answer has crossed yours,' I replied."

These lines are iconic, but also, as someone who has written on occasion, also genius. Why bother trying to work out a suitably intelligent and ominous conversation when you can do this instead and have it work ten times better. It's a lovely bit of writing.

"'You crossed my path on the 4th of January,' said he. 'On the 23d you incommoded me; by the middle of February I was seriously inconvenienced by you; at the end of March I was absolutely hampered in my plans; and now, at the close of April, I find myself placed in such a position through your continual persecution that I am in positive danger of losing my liberty. The situation is becoming an impossible one.'"

I do also love this matter of fact little summary, where Moriarty has clearly had his thesaurus open at the word 'blocked' and just picked words at random. The exasperation and yet strange calm of having this all written down in his diary is great. Moriarty is very well constructed as a character.

He goes on to say 'tut, tut' as well, which is just such a supercilious, condescending little thing to say. He is eminently hateable, and yet simultaneously has done nothing actually wrong on page.

Holmes refers to him as Mr Moriarty to his face and Professor Moriarty to Watson, which is a nice little bit of pettiness. Technically he isn't a professor any more, but just that little bit of disrespect to his face. Beautiful.

"I took a cab after that and reached my brother's rooms in Pall Mall, where I spent the day."

Oh hai, Mycroft!

So far, Holmes has escaped death 3 times today. So he's doing pretty well.

I do find it odd that with so many days advance warning, Moriarty can't find another way to not be arrested on Monday that isn't killing Holmes. Can't he just... stop whatever thing is happening on Monday?

"The practice is quiet," said I, "and I have an accommodating neighbour. I should be glad to come."

The return of Watson's accommodating neighbour, the true unsung hero of these tales. There had better be a fanfic on AO3 that's a bystander POV of Watson's long-suffering doctor neighbour and all the times Waton pops his head in and says 'I have to have adventures today, you don't mind keeping an eye on my practice do you, old chum? Splendid! See you in a week!'

I'm sure all of Holmes instructions about how Watson should get to the station are justified, but they are also very funny.

"...dash through the Arcade, timing yourself to reach the other side at a quarter-past nine."

Ah yes, I know exactly how quickly to run through the arcade to make sure I get to the other side at exactly quarter past nine. Who doesn't?

This is only a two parter, and the next part is due tomorrow, it says, rather than on Tuesday. So, everyone get your mourning bands ready.

[georayn]

my perspective around the crippling yet warm loneliness of fallen angels (no spoilers)

一 Fallen Angels (1995), dir. Wong Kar-Wai

defining this movie is a challenging task. but, if I was to sum it up in one sentence, I guess it would be "corny and depressing romance so corny it becomes refreshing".

I remember Fallen Angels as the first movie I've watched when I decided to take the ritual of watching movies more seriously, and it was basically the first film I'd ever seen that doesn't follow the cookie-cutter hollywood format of the hero's journey (I believe that was around 2 years ago). that's why I have such an affection for this movie.

to this day (and maybe until the day I die) I am not a good movie critic, that's why this is not a well-formulated critique in any way lol. so yes, I may be very biased in the way I percieve this film, so because of this I will not get into much detail of its technical aspects or its issues, I will just try to convince you to watch it if you haven't yet :D

˖ ࣪⊹ ִ┈┈┈┈ ♰ ┈┈┈┈ ⊹ ִֶָ𓂅

firstly, I'd like to address an elephant in the room: this is a Wong Kar-Wai film, so it strongly follows his signature style; the surreal and dreamy coloring, jittery camerawork, mind boggling action sequences including the step-frame takes and so much more. but I'm sure you've noticed most of these aspects through other blogs, pinterest boards and tiktok edits, so I want to put more emphasis into his abilities of storytelling and his producing process.

I am not the biggest fan of saying things in the sort of "omg only this director/person could ever create this!", but it is undeniable that WKW's way of thinking is very unconventional. Cristopher Doyle, responsible for a lot of the movie's cinematography (and who is someone that worked with him in many other projects until 2004) says that WKW always tried to look for what the movie had to say, even if discarding parts of the script was necessary. what I admire the most about his work is the way his characters feel alive considering that the flesh of his films are the struggles and "boring" aspects of life. I reeaaally love the way he and his crew are able to make the "disposable" parts of life so interesting. of course, the action and story shifting segments are part of what gives meaning to everything, but the connections between them are what makes all of it worth watching and feeling the characters' emotions.

so, how does the story go? this is actually a tricky question haha. in case you are not familiar, Fallen Angels is directly attached to Chungking Express, another film by Kar-Wai released one year earlier (1994). WKW himself reveals that Chungking Express and Fallen Angels should have been published as one merged movie, but he ended up losing track of the project's length (also, in my opinion, you can watch FA before CE if you want to, it doesn't follow any particular order to me). Here is where his instinct-leading creative process really shines; it may seem impractical, however this project might be the pinacle of his love for cinema, considering it was a project made for "making himself comfortable with making movies again" after a prior not so self-fulfilling project.

"You try to cope with the mass audience, but in fact you are not doing something for them—I would be fighting with myself. I thought, I don’t have to make big films, I can make small films that I can be happy with. I can find my own audience. So I made Chungking Express with a very low budget, and we made the film very quickly, only six weeks from the idea to the edit" 一 Wong Kar-Wai for BOMB magazine, Winter 1998 issue.

considering the whole project, he explains that Chungking Express and Fallen Angels both revolve around the city of Hong Kong, yet in its different sides: the brightly lit and uneventful hustle of the daytime with CE, and the freezing, dark and crippling loneliness of the nighttime through FA.

with that said, in my opinion, neither is "more impactful" or "to be more considered" than the other; as WKW himself said, both are complementary to each other, and even the characters are interchangeable. however, I am here to talk about the rispid and desolating feeling of the "type of loneliness" depicted in Fallen Angels specifically, since it resonates more deeply with me and it might do the same to you if you're looking for big-neon-city anxiety.

一 Fallen Angels (1995), dir. Wong Kar-Wai

now onto the actual story. both movies are divided in 2 "main storylines", contributing to the perspective of interchangeable characters. in Fallen Angels, one of the sides has a more intense dynamic that follows a hitman and his agent, whilst the other follows the wobbly story of a mute man who ends up meeting a heartbroken woman who asks for his help on getting her revenge. this all may seem kind of non-sensical, but I believe that one of the film's most charming features is its ways of making people so unrelated as these characters become so connected and dependant of each other just because of life's randomness yet without making it feel forced.

also, I haven't even mentioned side characters and I think i'd be too dense and maybe annoying to get into the details of their importance (especially if you haven't seen the movie yet), but I guess I could say they are the ones who provoke and question the main ones' morals. here, WKW's characters are the most alive when they feel confused, uncomfortable, alarmed and tired because of the harsh metropolitan life (just like real people). with that, they find themselves in a constant fight with other people's morals and even their own.

this sense of desolation may be depressing at its core, but it also defines the familiar matter between all of these people, bringing a comfort-like yet melancholic sentiment to the situations that unravel; no one is truly right-minded but you always try to consider where they are coming from. they may do fucked up things but they pay the price to life itself.

this melancholy carries the story's events until its very end, and I just love it. of course I'd rather choose that we live in a world where everything is perfect and this comfort found in sadness is unrealistic, but considering the societies we live in, specially in big and poorly planned cities, I find this movie to be a memorable portrait of this misterious feeling of loving desolation.

I wish I was able to get into the details of each character more deeply, but I think that would break the purpose of the "no spoilers" promise I made & I think it's more fun for you to discover them by yourself when watching the film. however, I'd like to say that, even though I feel like everyone in the narrative is able to connect to one another, each one has their singularities, flaws and quirks, which makes the familiarities shared by all the more precious.

therefore, the events and personalities present in this film are incredibly rich and capable of conveying this specific feeling of constant fighting for survival and sanity in such a complex and harsh environment. sometimes the narrative follows the actual outbursts of these causes, but I believe that the true beauty of this movie lies in the moments of hopelessness and fatigue.

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I wish I was able to spark your interest in watching Fallen Angels! this movie is very meaningful to me and I've been interested in writing about it for some time now! the thing is, this is my very first blog post ever so it might end up being shitty and I just don't know it yet hah... it's okay though, I've been struggling with being able to talk about the things I like just because my brain thinks I can't do it, so I think this is a step forward on fixing this! :)

in case you watch the movie, please leave your thoughts here so you can share your perspective! I really want to know other people's opinions about the things I love, even if you don't like it as much!

thank you for reading, see you!!! <3

References:

Wong Kar-Wai for BOMB magazine, Winter 1998 issue: https://bombmagazine.org/articles/1998/01/01/wong-kar-wai-1/

Cristopher Doyle for IstoÉ, 19/03/2021 (in portuguese): https://istoe.com.br/cinema-pelo-olhar-de-christopher-doyle/

P.S: sorry for any English mistakes! you can correct me if you want, I appreciate the feedback!

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

Do you read milex fanfics? If so what's your favorite ones?

DO I (yes, i do)

there are SO many incredible ones out there, most of which i've probably not even read yet because my to-read list is so long rn! here are a few of my all-time favourites though (plus a handful at the end of current wips i am loving too!)

LONGER FICS

Joie de Vivre by @gasdancer

summary: "Two young men decamp to rural France to make an album together. It ~is like love."

tags: angst, fluff, smut, bed-sharing, first time, friends to lovers

notes: THIS FUCKING FIC OH LORD. i just finished reading it recently and i had to sit down and reevaluate my whole existence for like a day afterwards. it PERFECTLY captures the dynamic of taotu milex - the playfulness, the intensity, the heart-wrenching love they have for each other that underlines everything. it's beautifully written with some *very* hot smut scenes and honestly it's amazing and if you haven't read it already then what are you waiting for?? (there are also two sequels, the first of which i am currently halfway through and it is just as incredible oh my god)

Been Away Too Long To Be Afraid by @stereobone

summary: Miles goes to visit Alex in Los Angeles to get his mind off his recent breakup. It works far better than expected.

tags: friends to lovers, miscommunication, pining, first time

notes: THIS FIC oh my goodness. it is in no small way responsible for how deep into this fandom i have sunk, as it was one of the first milex fics i ever remember reading and it's just so stupidly good. their characterisation is ON POINT and it's just the perfect balance of yearning/miscommunication/slow build. oh, any absolutely beautiful writing style too. my only complaint is that it went by WAY too fast when i was reading it lol.

Shy Of A Spark by @elorianna

summary: The Arctic Monkeys are about to play Glastonbury, their biggest gig yet, and Alex is struggling with stage fright. Fortunately for him, he has Miles to help him feel braver, and with his best friend by his side, surely nothing can go wrong.

Except that now it's the day of the show, Miles is acting strange, and the gig is no longer the only thing giving Alex stage fright. With the hours racing past, will he get his head in the game in time for their headline performance? And will he find a way to be brave, in more ways than one?

tags: friends to lovers, pining, first time, bed sharing

notes: this fic has such a special place in my heart, and i've lost count of how many times i've re-read it. it totally captures the fear of falling for someone who already means so much to you, and is just BEAUTIFULLY written with gorgeous characterisation and layers of theme and subtext on bravery and performance throughout. i literally cannot recommend it enough!! i am such a massive fan of all of elorianna's works, but i'm limiting myself to reccing one long and one short one here so this list doesn't become endless lol.

Terra Incognita by @yellowloid

summary: His fear of thunderstorms is something Alex has managed to keep a secret for most of his life. Nobody knows except his parents, and he’s determined to keep it that way. Except now he’s stuck in his apartment with Miles, the world outside is being shaken by a raging downpour, and maybe his fear isn’t the only thing that’s becoming difficult to hide. Or: they comfort each other in unconventional ways.

tags: hurt/comfort, pining, handjobs, friends to lovers

notes: i love the whole theme of unexplored lands that runs through this fic, it's gorgeously written and it feels like it touches on something so fitting for miles and alex's dynamic (also alex's thoughts about words in it feel SO in character). also i am such a sucker for a good hurt/comfort, and this ABSOLUTELY delivers the goods. god, the build up? the smut? the everything??? it's amazing, and full of so many stunning little details and nuances.

The Galaxy's Edge by @richiebrook

summary: Alex hasn’t been feeling like himself. He's used to it – tour life usually makes him feel a bit out of it, as if he were drifting in space - but it does put a strain on his relationship with the rest of the band and his girlfriend Taylor. Miles, his best friend turned lover, calls him up twice a week to make sure he doesn't drift too far. Their biweekly ritual helps Alex. The same can't be said for Taylor, who is perfectly aware of what Miles really is to her boyfriend. And so the Monkeys tour continues, Alex drifts and Miles anchors. But is it really drifting if you know exactly where you need to be?

tags: angst, long distance relationship, cheating, hurt/comfort

notes: okay, so there are a whole bunch of tags for this fic that would usually make it not my thing, BUT the writing is just so incredibly skilled and the characterisation of alex is so multi-layered and interesting that it i found myself getting completely sucked in. i have to say, it definitely is quite angst heavy so it's not a fic for if you're in a mood for some feelgood fluff - but it's beautifully written and a super thought-provoking and nuanced character study.

SHORTER FICS

On the Cusp by @elorianna

summary: On a hot summer day during their EYCTE Puppets tour, Miles and Alex find themselves stuck on a tour bus without any air conditioning. As they try to find ways to distract themselves from the heat, the boys end up struggling to maintain their cool in more ways than one…

tags: friends to lovers, first time

notes: i mean... this fic is just... *fans self* so hot. the way elorianna writes the build up of sexual tension is MASTERFUL.

Christmas Eve Will Find Me Where The Love Light Gleams by literevie

summary: Alex caught covid just before he was about to head home for Christmas. Now he's stuck alone in London, pretending to be brave about it all. But Miles finds out and decides to visit him to drop by some of his mums' famous christmas cooking to help him feel less lonely. Plot twists occur of course.

tags: friends to lovers, pining, sickfic, slow burn, first kiss

notes: this is such a special fic... i've rarely read one that feels like it has such a profound understanding of the dynamic between miles and alex, and it deals with the joy and the complexity of all that entails with just so much skill and poignancy. it's in the shorter fics category, but the PACE of this whole fic is just perfect and unrushed. it also features one of the best ever love confession scenes i've read. honestly it's just magic. the whole fic is.

The 36 Questions that Lead to Love by @fiireside

summary: To fall in love with anyone, answer these questions.

tags: fluff, pining

notes: THIS FIC IS SO ADORABLE omg. if you're ever having a bad day or feeling disillusioned with the world, just read this and i swear it will restore you.

Amsterdam by @richiebrook

summary: This one is set during the first night of Miles’ European tour, after Miles overhears a group of people in the audience singing “Where the fuck is Alex Turner?” as soon as he leaves the stage. Needless to say, it’s not the big opening night Miles had hoped for. Feeling like he's lost control of his own tour, he calls Alex up, fully intending to blame him for everything. Luckily, Alex knows just how to prove to him that he's still very much in control after all.

tags: angst, phone sex

notes: god, this is so beautifully written. the characterisation and the dynamic between them is just MASTERFUL. it honestly took my breath away the first time i read it for how real the way they interact feels. so many layers to this despite it being such a short fic (and the smut is really hot too).

Magic From Your Fingers Tingles Down My Spine by @alexturne

summary: "Wanna make out?" Alex coughed out a cloud of thick smoke. He blinked and looked at Miles next to him. Miles was making quite the sight, sprawled out across Alex's sheets with a dirty smirk plastered on his face. He looked nice, spread out like that. All relaxed and comfortable, as if he'd always been destined to end up right there in Alex's bed.Or: Whilst writing their first album together, Alex and Miles get high, and Miles has a great idea about how they could be spending their time.

tags: fluff and smut, friends to lovers

notes: this was one of the first milex fics i ever read and ahhhhhh. i still reread it often bc i just adore it! the tension and the tenderness in it is just 10/10 and i love how much they were both totally, helplessly into each other throughout it. wonderful writing.

the italian job by @stereobone

summary: Miles buys a house in Italy. Alex moves in.

tags: developing relationship, fluff, smut, feelgood

notes: this fic is just ART. god. the writing is absolutely stunning and it's full of beautiful subtext and metaphor but is also just so grounded in their relationship. i actually had to close my laptop for a few moments after finishing it because it just filled my heart up so much i didn't even know what to do with myself. the conversation between alex and miles in it is so insanely in character and ugh i just love everything about it okay??

WIPS/FICS I'M READING

Inhaler by @perfectly-clear-from-here

summary: A fast forming friendship between Alex and Miles takes a turn after a range of sleepless nights, shared cigarettes, loud music and a bar fight.

tags: friends to lovers, pre-taotu, slow burn, angst, fluff

notes: god, this fic just has it all for me. the characterisation of miles and alex's dynamic is just SPOT ON and right from the beginning has this wonderful sense of innate connection in a way that feels so authentic. i can already tell that the slow burn is going to destroy me (in the best possible way). it's also BEAUTIFULLY written with evocative descriptions that draw you straight into the story, super relatable themes, and wonderful snort-out-loud-at-your-computer-screen arctic monkeys boys banter.

Switchblades and Motorbikes by @thranduil-aran-edhil

summary: London. 1950’s. The Arctic Monkeys and the Diamond Dogs have never seen eye to eye. The two gangs are notoriously at odds with each other, constantly getting in fights around town. Alex Turner, leader of the Monkeys, is a sly thief and bike enthusiast that refuses to humble himself just because he’s sorta new in town. Miles Kane, leader of the Dogs, is a rebel with a cause and nothing will stop him defending his community and values. Not even a pretentious bastard like Turner. But a common adversary threatens to change this status quo. Will they find a way to team up? Or will both gangs fall under this much more powerful foe?

tags: 1950s au, violence, enemies to lovers, fluff and angst

notes: oooooh the ANIMOSITY and the tension between miles and alex sets up such an addictive dynamic in this, and the au vibes are just IMMACULATE. i have to admit, i'm only one chapter in but i'm already so hooked i couldn't not add it to the list. the dialogue in it is beautifully done and so full of character, and the whole thing just feels like watching a really cool movie play out onscreen.

I'll Pretend (Or Not) by @28-destiel-505

summary: Everyone knew Miles Kane and Alex Turner hated each other. But when it goes too far, their teams force them to do a collab to save their public images. Nobody understands when their relationship seems to have changed, not the fans, not their friends and not even themselves. Telling people it's just for the public might work for a little while but at some point, their friends question it. Maybe it's because of the time spending together or maybe it's because of the things happening when they're on stage but people start wondering what is really going on between the two.

tags: slow burn, enemies to friends to lovers, secret relationship

notes: okay i'm also in the early stages of this fic, but it's been on my to read list FOREVER and i am so excited to get further into it because i am a sucker for enemies to friends to lovers and i enjoyed the first two chapters so much!

under these lights you look beautiful by @alexturne

summary: Miles got completely lost in his voice. There was a faraway quality to it, like he belonged somewhere else entirely, but somehow had decided to grace them with his presence and Miles felt blessed to be near him if even for a short while. The subtle elegance hidden in his slender figure, the mannerisms of his fingers wrapped around the corners of his notebook. His words were spoken softly, quietly, but without any hesitation or faltering. Alex is an elusive poet, who has a way with words and Miles is a bartender, who is completely mesmerized.

tags: bartender au, slow burn, falling in love

notes: i've literally only read the first chapter of this but it already has me HOOKED - it's so cosy and atmospheric and i can already tell it's going to tug on my heartstrings so much in the best way. and omg poet alex with humbug hair?? i am in love as miles is oh lord.

that's it for now! if anyone has any fic recs (your own you want to promote or anyone else's that you've read and loved!), please feel free to send them my way - i feel like i'm probably missing some major ones from this list and am always looking for more good milex fics!

[ohemgeeejay]

Big ol’ emotional rant about Gravity Falls! Read at your discretion.

Also some Jay lore, if you’re one of my mutuals who would actually care lmao

Gravity Falls regaining immense popularity at this particular moment in time is so special to me (and my sister also, I guess 🙄). It’s come back at such a pivotal moment in my life, and it’s making me very sentimental. Gravity Falls shaped my childhood. It heavily influenced the person I would become, the person I am now. It is such a core part of my life.

I remember doing closet cosplays of Dipper and Mabel with my sister, and making a “Journal” of our own. Like, that show was the most significant piece of media that my sister and I were able to bond over. We always had very different interests and personalities, but Gravity Falls was something we both loved. I liked the narrative, the plot devices, the characterization, the coding and foreshadowing placed throughout the show. She liked the stories, the characters, the animation, and the supernatural, sci-fi elements. We both loved the humour, and the dynamics between different characters.

Dipper and Mabel are such special characters because they are such an honest, faithful representation of a close sibling relationship. Seeing them on the TV was like seeing a reflection of ourselves, for my sister and myself. Especially coming from two kids with a very unconventional familial structure. While the Pines family is not a mirror image of my family, finally seeing something different from the classic nuclear family was so important for us.

Now we’re 18, and we’re starting post secondary school at different institutions. Even after an entire decade, Gravity Falls is still something we can bond over, can see ourselves in.

We still joke about how similar we are to Dipper and Mabel. I’m going to university, doing a double major program, and aiming to study abroad during my undergrad. My sister is going to college, and she’s still on the fence about what specific field she wants to pursue; she has so many varied interests that it’s hard for her to settle on just one. (I’ll be proud of her no matter what she chooses to do, I just hope she’ll be able to put her creative mind to use.)

Gravity Falls continues to shape the way she and I connect with each other, and the world at large. Despite how nerve wracking it is to be stumbling blindly into this new chapter of life, we go forward with the lessons this show has imparted on us. The relationship between Dipper and Mabel reflected us as children, and now as young adults, it reassures us in our own. If the mystery twins could survive the apocalypse, we can survive higher education— as long as we have each other’s backs.

I fear I have no real point in writing and posting this, I guess I just wanted to share my personal connection with this show. It gives me this strange sense of confidence in moving forward with life, seeing the resurgence of a community surrounding a programme that planted the seeds of the person I’ve become. I’m not sure.

If you made it this far, thanks for putting in the effort to decipher my ramblings. I hope it was coherent.

[magicshopaholic]

Hey Cath, I just have begun reading your work with OCs x BTS and I love it, though I am much intrigued by Chaeyoung and Jhope so I am going through their masterlist first (hopefully this doesn't offend you!) but I want to know more about the OCs. Which Disney 'princess' would they identify with or like the most? Doesn't have to the official Disney princess, can be former or unofficial one!

So apparently this ask has been in my inbox for over a month but I never got a notification for it 😭 I’m so sorry for the delay, anon, but I love this question so much and I took a couple of extra days to think about this because it’s so interesting.

(Also, don’t worry about the masterlist thing. The reading order is there as a recommendation but you do you and I just hope you enjoy it 🥹)

Idolverse OCs as Disney (or Disney-adjacent) Princesses:

Kaya Madaan: My first pick is Tiana, because of their ambition, their perseverance and the fact that they still have room in their lives for love. Kaya and Tiana share a lot of similarities on that front, but I also think there's a little of Jane Porter in Kaya as well. They are both intellectuals and find love in a very unexpected place and even though it's a bit unconventional (a long-distance relationship in Kaya's case and cultural barriers), both work hard to bridge the gap and maintain their relationships. Her favourite princess would be Jasmine or Mulan.

Choi Nari: Nari is a tough one but if I have to choose, I would say she shares a lot with Merida. We see her mother constantly asking her about her relationships and setting her up with young men but Nari has been focused very much instead on her education and her residency, to the point where she has almost lost all sense of a personal life. She pushes away Seokjin and realises what she's done, but it's too late, forcing her to reflect on her own actions. I think they're both tough (Nari has to be, as a surgeon) but there's a lot of fear and vulnerability in them as well. Her favourite princess would be Rapunzel.

Kang Miso: I think the first impressions would probably be Cinderella or Rapunzel because of her family, but from a personality standpoint, I think she shares a lot with Elsa. While they are all isolated and the first two also face emotional abuse like Miso, Elsa shares her lack of self-confidence and tends to push away the people who try to help her (cue Yoongi feeling vindicated af). A large part of Miso's story is self-acceptance as much as escape, and a journey to finding a place in the world outside of her family's influence. Her favourite princess would be Merida or Jasmine.

Kang Chaeyoung: My sweet, wise Chaeyoung is a hundred percent Rapunzel (with a little bit of wise Belle), with her desire to explore the world, gain independence and constantly try new things. She moves to Seoul at a young age, makes friends at yoga class, gives her childhood nemesis a second chance and even though she has her baggage (her mother's death, her father comparing her to her brother, Hoseok's initial dismissal of her), she refuses to let that overshadow her own sense of self. Her favourite princess would be Ariel.

Kim Sooah: Sooah is also a hard one to place but if I had to choose a Disney princess, I would say she stands somewhere between Aurora and Anna. Anna initially is a fun-loving young girl who has a seemingly perfect life but sort of has to step out of that to bring Elsa back. Sooah doesn't have anyone to save exactly, but she prefers to stay in her comfortable world of friends and parties and flings until she has to step out of her comfort zone to confront her past with Jimin. Aurora is a little less similar, but I remember her as being an isolated girl who really longed for human connection. Sooah is far from being isolated but secretly does wish for a fairytale kind of true love and often reminisces about a time when she almost had it. Her favourite princess would be Cinderella.

Dilara Komyshan: For Dilara, the OG OC, my pick would be Ariel. It's no secret that Dilara is a romantic, much like Ariel, and displays a willingness to do pretty much anything for something she loves, be it her sport or a person. She gives up her teenage years and a lot of her life to be a world class athlete, trains and works through the year to be able to achieve her dream. Along with that, she goes to huge lengths to be with Taehyung, to fly across the world and meet him when she can and most importantly, overcomes her doubts to give him a second chance. Her favourite princess would be Belle (but she would tell people it's Mulan).

Cheon Lia: Despite very very few similarities in story, Lia reminds me of Pocahontas, largely in terms of her maturity and desire to avoid conflict for the bigger picture. Like Kaya, she also has similar traits to Tiana in terms of her ambition and hard work, as well as a little Jasmine with her assertiveness and need for independence. Her favourite princess would be Pocahontas.

[erenmusic]

A very short Playlist with a lot to say, some Favorites I listened to in the last 5 years.

My idea for this playlist was a compilation of songs I was listening to religiously at different points in my life. Since I don't remember every song I was really into and I only have specific dates to go from on Spotify, I decided to go with the last 5 years. to say it all again this playlist is songs I personally found out about or really got into in the last 5 years listed chronologically. so lets get into it!

The first song I wanted to go with is Dishes by Jeff Rosenstock.

I was having a hard time picking a song to start from but I ended up with what really got me into indie and just different types of music other than stuff. This whole album 'I Look Like Shit' is just so personal to the artist and unashamed about being sad and admitting all his Problems and just feeling like shit, all his worries (See his other album Worry which is a lot more popular and acclaimed than this one.) and regrets, it just goes on and on. Now that I listen to the album less often, I have less of a connection to it and I feel better in general, so the songs do not hit me as hard anymore. However, that doesn't mean that I will ever forget about this album and what it did for me in bad times, The actual Song Dishes I picked because I was listening to this guitar solo that starts around the 2-minute mark that was just stuck in my head for months. I couldn't recommend the album enough, but you definitely have to go into it with a certain knowledge that it will not censor itself and is extremely personal.

The second Song is Passing Complexion by Big Black off of their Album Atomizer.

This song and band in general got me really into Noisy music and just sounds that are very unorthodox, using pedals and distortion, using electric cables to make these insane ringing sounds not just on this song but the whole album. It's a different sound from the album they made after this, which I am sure you have seen the album cover for, I really prefer the harshness and sound of this song and album even though I enjoy the album right after this one for different reasons, no other song they made got caught in my head as much as this one did. It is a sound like no other and I was listening to this song just replaying it as soon as it ended so many times I can't even count it. For the Third song, I went with Translyvania Boogie by Frank Zappa off of the album Chunga's Revenge, which is also the first record I ever bought.

I was really into Frank Zappa by this point, especially his album Apostrophe which I just love to death and which I also have a record of now but didn't have at that point. The reason I picked this album and song is that I was walking in Kadikoy in Turkey and I was walking through the record stores and I found this album for extremely cheap. I had never bought a record before because of the absurd prices people put on popular records over there, but this one was not in the best condition and the guy said the price was 135 Liras (which was like 8 dollars at the time) so I couldn't not take the bargain for an album I loved so much.

The moment I brought it home and put it on, the first song Transylvania Boogie had me hooked even more than before. The guitar work and just booming instrumental that this song is was made even better because I would play the record in my living room all day and we had an awesome sound system there that connected to a record player. I don't have a player now so all my records are kind of just sitting around or left back in Turkey. A day will come I'll actually get to use them again. The Fourth song I picked is When You Sleep by My Bloody Valentine off of their album "loveless".

Oh man, this song and album. I don't think I was more obsessed with a certain sound ever in my life. I had already gotten into unconventional music and just the spaciness, vocal distortion and instrumentals on this album are some sounds that you just don't get anywhere else and I loved it the moment I listened to the album. even other Shoegaze bands and MBV's previous work, just nothing comes close to what they achieved on this album. the main reason I picked this specific song is because of the absurd amount of times I listened to it in 2021.

the song really fits any possible way you are feeling, this is also the reason I could listen to it on average once a day for a year. I would put it on when I was sad, happy, energetic, down, scared, feeling accomplished, just wanting a fun song. It genuinely fits to exactly how you feel, it could be a song about breaking up and missing the other side, it could be about yearning, it could be about how much you love someone, and it could just be an insane instrumental that just rattles your head clean off and you have an experience every time you listen to it. Love this song to death. (very hard to pick a favorite off of this album so I just went with the classic undeniable great song on there, Sometimes and Soon were also big contenders.) My Fifth pick is very specific version of Box of Rain by the Grateful Dead. Live at Portland Memorial Collesium in 73.

I have always listened to the Dead all throughout my life, especially the Road Trips CD's and Dick's Picks CD collection my Father had but this compilation I had never heard before. my brother was a lot more into the dead than I was so he would show me these great live shows that I would never have found otherwise. So while listening to one of them that he reccomended, Box of Rain, one of my favorites and probably the best Phil Lesh song came on. I already love most of the versions and especially the studio version on American Beauty. However, this version I have up here I was listening to religiously especially the part I have clipped up in the video. The piano merges with the vocals and guitar work perfectly and it is honestly just unexplainable how much it brings me down to earth, I feel great whenever I listen to this song, and man I was just playing this every time I did a Dead Run where I listen to a bunch of songs from them. and these days I still listen to it whenever I am on a long walk, it just fits. My Sixth pick is, Positively 4th Street by Bob Dylan.

I couldn't keep myself from putting Bob Dylan on here. this song I was listening to almost every day for months last year. The Lyrics are just heartbreaking and he doesn't stop at all throughout the song, no chorus, no bridge, he is relentless and just keeps telling the other side off. The amount of emotion Bob can bring out of me is very overwhelming sometimes. It is also important to say how well this song met the situation I was in, it really came at the right time. After a breakup trying to not have contempt for the other side, still being in love, but also saying fuck off, you treated me as if you'd rather see me paralyzed. Trying to make myself believe that they are not at fault and that they didn't mean how they came across, but still feeling horrible because I just couldn't believe that they didn't understand how bad what had been done was. "I wished that for just one time, you could stand in my shoes. and for just that moment I could be you. yes, I wished that for just one time, you could stand in my shoes, You'd know what a drag it is to see you." This song would just get me going, and get me thinking about how I need to move on. It really helped me at the time, and even though I know Bob Dylan writes breakup songs in such a way that you think he's in the wrong, this song makes me feel for whatever Bob was going through and it helped me see clearly what situation I was in. I will always keep it in my back pocket for a rainy day. And for the Final song I decided to go with is a song I have been really into recently. I'm On Fire, by Nas on his album King's Disease III.

My roommate is really into Nas and he got me to listen to a lot of his albums, I had been steadily listening to Rap music for years but I hadn't really gotten into Nas and the 90's New York scene as much as I wanted to. I had listened to Illmatic and It was Written by him but I hadn't really gone farther than that. Thanks to his recommendations I really have a larger catalog of rap music that I would be willing to show people. This song specifically he had actually shown me last semester however I forgot to add it to any of my playlists. so when I found it again and played it, man. The beat, the sample, the way he flows on this song, and just the fact that This joint came out last year is so crazy to me. Nas fell off for a bit in the middle of his career but the comeback he made with this album is awesome to see. Love this song and I will listen to it until I get sick of it, which might take a looong time. So to sum up, these are all songs that correspond to important times and events in my life and I get a wave of memories thrown at me every time I play them again. I would say every song on here is a 10/10 for me, but that is obviously is very subjective and I can see why people would think, huh really? this song? Also, I have to point out that I had a really hard time picking these songs out of every song I have ever listened to, so I might just do more of these playlists, listing out some great songs every now and then. Stay tuned! there are definitely more songs I can list and that I want to show to people, but this is just a little peek into some classics and very personal picks I enjoy.

[tokyorevismylife]

Draken X Reader- Shadows of the One You Loved

A/N: First off, I would like to say that I AM ALIVE. I sincerely apologize for not writing or posting anything sooner, but if I am being honest, I’ve been busy with school, and life in general and, well...I forgot I made this account so that I could share some anime or game brainrot with some like-minded people. And after I came back, I noticed my two posts got way more notes than I was expecting you guys to give, so thank you for all the reads, follows, and likes! So I’ve been thinking of a certain Draken scenario, and I decided to post it. Enjoy!

warnings: chapter 148 spoiler, mentions of death, lil bit of cussing, tokyo rev timeskip spoilers...I ADVISE YOU NOT TO READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE MANGA UP TO CHAP 225(or spoil yourself but don’t blame me), ANGSTY

     You silenced your phone for what felt like the millionth time, too upset and heartbroken to care for the calls coming through. You knew if you picked up, or looked at the texts, you would have to answer their frenzied questions, or listen to their voices filled with anger and dismay on your behalf, and that would make you remember everything even more. And all you wanted to do was forget. Forget the moments, memories and most of all, HIM. You wanted to forget him...

      *RING, RING* Your cellphone’s ringtone blared annoyingly, and you were pissed. You were on a roll studying for an exam of yours that was coming up, and your cellphone interrupted your train of thought. The irritating caller turned out to be none other than one of your close friends, who called you frantically because his motorcycle broke down.

     “Please, can you be here with me?” Your friend begged you. “What am I gonna do there?” You countered. “I don’t know the slightest thing about motorcycles. I’d be utterly useless.” 

     “Yeah...but here’s the thing, the guys running the shop intimidate me! Like I feel like the main dude can snap me in half with his bare hands!” Your friend was truly freaked out, and you couldn’t hold in your laughter at his statement. “Alright, alright, I’ll be there. You owe me,” you told your friend, and you hung up. You headed out of your house and strolled through the bustling streets of the Kanto Prefecture. You were steadily making your way, until you halted in front of the motorcycle shop your friend told you to meet him at, D&D Motorcycle Shop. You were greeted by your frantic friend, biting his nails anxiously. “Thank God, you’re finally here. It took you long enough. I thought that maybe Draken’s spirit heard what I was saying about him, and he decided to haunt you and take you away!” “You are an absolute idiot, you know that? You know how stupid you sound right now? Also, who’s Draken?” You retorted in disbelief. The nervous boy said nothing in response, only looked at the shop like it was an entrance to hell. “Alright we’re going inside. Come on, scaredy-cat!” You grinned, dragging your friend inside, where his bike was getting fixed up. 

You entered the shop, and your eyes met with an unexpected sight. The fact that your friend was NOT exaggerating. The guy fixing up the bike was HUGE, muscular, and tall. Not to mention, he had a half-shaved head, with very long, blond hair tied up in a braid that trailed down his back, and a dragon tattoo that swirled around the side of his head. But you watched as he worked on the bike with extreme concentration painting his features, and your face started to heat up. While his appearance was menacing, he was also handsome, in a very rugged and unconventional way. 

     “Do NOT tell me that you are getting a fucking crush right now.” Your friend said sassily, and audibly. Your eyes widened in surprise, and in fear just in case the man working on the bike heard. “Shut up, asshole, at least I wasn’t scared of him!” You replied to your friend. Your friend blushed at that, and he turned away, angrily. “Where are you going?” You questioned. “To get something to eat. Screw this. I’m not spending hours here.” He answered. “WHY’D YOU DRAG ME OUT HERE IF YOU AREN’T EVEN GONNA STAY!?” Now you were actually PISSED. But, your friend being the jackass he is, left without a word, while FLIPPING you off. You grunted in frustration and decided to look at the blond again, and you realized that he was looking at you. He quickly turned away when he realized you noticed him. This gave you the courage to go and talk to him.

“Excuse me, sir? Is it alright if I watch you work from closer up? I find it pretty interesting.” You asked in a straighforward manner. “Suit yourself, but be careful.” The man told you. Your heart melted at that. Scary my ass, you thought. He seems like a nice guy, just a little gruff. “So sir...-” “The name’s Draken, and you can quit callin’ me sir. I’m 18.” He replied. “HUH?? You’re the same age as me??? What the heck? Talk about an early developer!” You couldn’t contain your surprise. Despite himself, Draken let a small smile creep onto his face at your outburst and bubbliness. Then, he studied you. There was an air of familiarity around you that he couldn’t pinpoint, like he had met someone like you before in the past. 

     “Hey, you smiled! So, I guess you aren’t scary after all. My friend dragged me out all the way here while I was studying just because he was scared of you! Isn’t that ridiculous. But, you have a nice smile, smile more often and then people won’t be scared of you!” You grinned. Draken felt his heart and face grow warm at your excitedness. Then, a sharp pang in his chest. And he looked at you again. And this time..he knew why you were so familiar. You were just like her. His past love. His dear Emma-chan that he fell for. Your nature and the way you acted was just like her. No, he was just being ridiculous. This was just him longing for some company. So, he asked you boldly if you wanted to hang out sometime. And you, unknowing of what was to come, eagerly said yes. 

     And it was from then on, that your relationship with Draken began. At first, it was just friendly on his part, and you guys spoke occasionally, and hungout with each other. But you guys started speaking and spending time with each other more, and soon enough the both of you harboured feelings for each other. You remember the day he confessed to you, a beautiful, sunny day, in which you two were walking leisurely in a Tokyo park. You excitedly accepted his feelings, and told him that you felt the same. You remembered that he kissed you, and it was magical. He picked up your frame, that was so much smaller than his, and both of you locked in an embrace. But, as he kissed you, he couldn’t help seeing Emma. Couldn’t help feeling guilty. Couldn’t help but be reminded of his first love, who was just so much like you. But, he still decided to continue, even though he knew it would be torture for him, and torture for you once you found out that his heart didn’t belong fully to you. 

     After you kissed, you guys strolled together like any new couple did. As you walked, you noticed an ice cream truck, with all the GOOD stuff. “Draken, look over there! An ice cream truck! We have to get some!!” You dragged the large man’s sleeve, to which he said, “Damn, woman, don’t rip my arm off!” He thought your eagerness and innocence was adorable and your smile was beautiful. But then he was reminded of Emma. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t get over her. You arrived at the ice cream truck, and ordered your favourite flavour. You were about to pull your wallet out, but Draken’s large hand stopped you. “You’re my girlfriend, I’ll pay.” As he pulled out the money, a picture of a young, cutesy girl came out. You picked it up and studied it. The girl was stunning, with wonderfully feathered blonde hair, and a very developed figure and a radiant smile, who was hugging a very happy looking Draken. You never saw that look on Draken’s face. As Draken handed you your ice cream, his eyes glanced at the picture in your hands, and as he realized what the picture was, his eyes widened marginally.

     “How did you get that?” Draken asked panicked. “Whoa, relax! It just fell out while you were taking out the money.” You glanced at his normally calm face, which now held an expression of fear and pain. “Who is she anyways? Your sister? She’s so pretty! She could totally be a model, unless...she already is one?” You asked. “She’s dead.” Draken threw it out there, coldly. “H-huh? I’m sorry...” You said to him. “I’m guessing she was special to you.” His eyes glanced at Emma’s smile again, and his eyes softened. “The most special. She was beautiful. She was the..best. I miss her everyday.” He never thought he;d talk about Emma to you of all people, but nonetheless, it felt good for him to get it off his chest. 

     You fixated your gaze on him, with an understanding look in your eyes. You remember he ranted to you about everything. About how she died. How he felt helpless. How he wasn’t able to save her. Protect her. And how it felt like that he lost the most importnat person in his life, that made him feel like he mattered, and that he felt an emptiness in his chest that grew with every passing day without her. And then your heart panged with sadness. Because the look that crept into his eyes when he spoke about Emma, the expression that was on his face...he never looked at YOU like that. And you realized with every passing day, that he tried to make you turn into her. From little comments about the way you should dress, about the things that she liked to do that you didn’t, and the comments about how you both were similar made you realize.  Realize that you were only a shell to him. Just someone sort of there. He didn’t love you. Draken loved the idea of you. And you felt like an utter fool. But, most of you didn’t want to believe that. However, for the sake of closure, you decided to ask him.

     It was a regular day for the both of you. It was a weekend, and you were sitting in his shop before closing time, as he prepared to shut the shop down for the day. “Hey, Draken, I think we need to talk.” You sighed breathily. “I already know which direction this is going in.” Draken looked at you sadly. “Draken, you don’t love me, do you?” You stared at the ground tentatively, afraid to look his face. “I’m sorry.” Draken said. That apology was all you needed to fully understand, all you needed to understand that your feelings were unreciprocated. You said nothing. You couldn’t say anything. Your throat closed up. You wanted to scream, cry, do both, but not in front of him. Draken called your name all of a sudden, and you flinched. “I really am sorry. It’s just your demeanor was so much like Emma’s, and all the feelings I have for her, were surpressed because of her death, and you managed to bring them back up again. You being with me lessened the pain of her being gone, because you were so much like Emma. I thought it was like having her back again, just in a different shell...but I was wrong. I love Emma, and only Emma, and I don’t think that will change. But, thank you for being there for me.”

     He edged closer to you and placed his hands on your shoulders. You still didn’t look up. “It’s late. You should head home. And, thanks again for everything.” He then, let go of you and turned away, signalling the end of the conversation. Probably the last conversation you would every have with him. You turned away, cursing yourself in the back of your mind as you headed home. You felt numb, and felt stupid. You knew, had an inching feeling of doubt, knew he felt this way in your brain somewhere, and yet you chose to ignore it. Eventually, you got home, and headed for your bed. And, there in your safe space, all alone, you let everything out. You started crying, howling tears of despair, until you fell asleep, and began your journey of healing and forgetting.

“

[marengogo]

QUICKIE - 3: Must Be Just Me …

Island - by Colde  [Love Part 2]

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

🐺 — 🐺 — 🐺—

How’s everyone been? How are you enjoying Chapter 2? How is your Jikook-neck-of-the-woods fairing for you? Is it everything you were looking for? … *picks into some of the woods* … If so, I am happy for you but, NOT. GONNA. LIE. Some of y’all woods it feel like even just asking these simple questions might be potentially triggering 🤡.

I recall saying something akin to “live and let live” in my previous post → DEAR FUTURE BABY JIKOOKER, and I’d really love to do so, yet, I fear I must step on a toe, or two, because this “Jikook-Anxiousness” has reached my end-of-the-woods so, out of curiosity, I just had to know … I had to know if this quick thing I am about to talk about is all in my head, or if anyone out here has also the same perception as mine.

Before I get into all of that tho, remember when in this post → ME, MYSELF & JIKOOK, which I uploaded on January 12, I felt like we were going to not get any, “relevant” Jikook content for like 1076 days more or less? Somewhere in this post I also wrote

Please let that sink in and understand what this means.

… Well, we are 125 days in, and for some Jikookers, it doesn’t seem like this has either sunk in, nor has it been understood, in fact, it appears as if shit has already either being lost or hitting the fan hard. 

I can understand the anxiety out of lack of Jikook content, I can try and understand the anxiety out of lack of off-camera Jikook content, but the “I guess it was really fanservice / they must have broken up” in this CHAPTER-2-SOUTH-KOREA-LIVING-AND-BREATHING BTS economy is … I … 😩😩😩.

“They never meet”, “they don’t like each other anymore”, “He obviously doesn’t care / never cared” and all that shit … like, I’m not going to keep repeating myself but I am also very keen to understand how according to some of you a non confirmed, potentially gay couple, of great relevance, in a somewhat homophobic country should act?

That being said, let’s get back to what I quickly wanted to point out, which is the following. I quickly and roughly made this table concentrating on our boys activities in 2023 during chapter 2, with some exceptions:

Purple activity: Happened in 2022, but relevant to this person in their Chapter 2

Celebrity/Fame related: These are all names I tried to recall off the top of my head, most likely not accurate, but a gross approximation (so feel free to not take this part seriously at all)

Magenta activity: Is for those members who haven’t yet released anything for their chapter 2 … and then there is Namjoon who might be having a Chapter 2 pt.2?

I started doing this throwing in as much stuff as I could remember. The places where I put a P are my predictions (dark purple background is non-activity). As you keep looking at this table you’ll see that I didn’t even finish it, the magazine section is completely empty for example and as you might have noticed, I colored JK’s participation in Letter and his unconventional promotion of JM in a different color because other members have promoted JM but in a much more “conventional way”. THIS we all have noticed, and though it standouts in itself, regardless of the intended audience of Letter or the purpose behind JK going on a 1 hour JM binge - What JK did is NOT YOUR EVERYDAY RUN OF THE MILL BANGTAN OCCURRENCE. FIGHT ME.

The main thing that this table should sort of point out - DESPITE IT’S GROSS INACCURACY - is how it seems to be that for the most part, given that Jin was already gone before 2023, the tannies were sort of split in 2 groups of 3, like sort of subunits part of me feels like the way I’ve ordered them is the way they are going to go MS, I know, I put Joonie last … There is a method behind my madness, but it is worth pointing out that is indeed just MY madness, so for all we know Joonie could be the next to go:

JiYoonMin

NamTaeKook

Mind you, despite being the nonchalant kings we love them to be, they are still a force to be reckoned with and as such they have to do some serious planning of almost anything work related. By the looks of it, we are going to have a video from Jin for every important day of the year, or Disney Documentaries that will soon replace the memory of Disney Channel in our minds, etc, etc, etc … as I said: SOME SERIOUS FORWARD PLANNING.

Ironically enough the only thing that seems a bit off from the meticulous planning are all of JK’s lives, weverse post, and such and that ALSO should make you think a bit …🤡 . So all the, JM only mentioning Hobi and Yoongi as people he hangs out with the most, or JK hanging out with Tae a lot and Joon as really , AT THE VERY LEAST TO ME, is just so subunity, like … am I the only one, who, despite missing Jikook interactions, as I knew I would during this period, is not really worried at all? I really would love to know; really, just curious...

Always respectfully yours,

Marengo.

[pazodetrasalba]

De Gustibus

Dear Caroline:

Right now I am halfway through Marcus du Sautoy's Finding Moonshine (in the US it was apparently retitled as Symmetry). I found a very curious quote from/about Niels Henrik Abel, the unfortunate mathematician whose monument I visited, as if going to a religious shrine, a couple of years ago. The quote is as follows:

In fact, Copenhagen lacked the kind of mathematical stimulation he craved, but his visit did result in him meeting and falling in love with a young woman, Christine Kemp. Abel described her to a friend as 'not beautiful; she has red hair and freckles, but she is an admirable woman'.

Seeing the rest of the context of the letter would be enlightening, but given that he had fallen in love with her, the most coherent interpretation of 'not beautiful' I can make is that she wasn't what Abel would call conventionally beautiful (there's a specific reference to ginger hair and freckles; perhaps the northern ideal, then as now, was the pale, blue-eyed blonde?). But this made me think about the possibility of loving someone you do not find attractive. Intuitively, this feels preposterous. Your choices and tastes might be unconventional, but I think you have to feel attraction to someone to fall in love with them. Also, I am not really sure that you can retrain yourself in this area: you might find someone intelligent, admirable, an ideal couple from a pure rational, costs-and-benefits analysis while remaining unable to alter your reptilian instincts and your brain chemistry. But thinking about it more deeply, I really can't seem to put my finger on why it shouldn't be possible in theory. The metaphor that comes to mind is the culinary one: our sense of taste is adaptable, and there are lots of foods and flavors that are aptly described as an acquired taste. I remember the first time I tried Stilton cheese -and didn't like it at all-, and now I can't get enough of the stuff.

I'd imagine this is the sort of thing Rationalists would have tried some experimenting and life-hacking with. Still, given the dismal men-to-women ratios in those spheres, I'd guess their best bet would be to have extremely conventional tastes and not favor their in-group, as the numbers are so disproportionate they would just crush any other consideration. It feels like a bit of a Repugnant Conclusion for dating, which is something utilitarians are quite savvy about.

[tayfabe75]

Hi. Not sure if this was answered before. Sorry if it was! I am not really sold on the Tayfabe idea. Do you not think that the risks are enormous when Tayfabe comes to light. For Taylor she is already so rich it does not matter. But the band are not in the same tax bracket so to speak. Would the fans completely be alienated? Also how do you see a reveal or will there not really be one but just breakups on both sides and the tour being over and Matty and Taylor quietly spend a while together they announce they are together maybe even married?

Regardless of whether or not kayfabe is happening, I believe Taylor is going to take a bit of a break from music (since it is rumored she has some upcoming film and possibly television projects on the horizon), so the band might be on a break soon anyway. Though admittedly, I'm not sure how all of that works between tours as-is.

And, if kayfabe happens to be correct and is eventually revealed, it will be entirely by their own hands and they will not make themselves look bad doing it. Deception would not be the motivation for kayfabe, but would be a byproduct of it. The real motive is to protect each other's privacy and mental health.

When they first tried to date publicly, it ended with a well-documented breakdown for Matty. From then on, we got several interviews where Matty describes, sometimes in detail, why he couldn't be Taylor's boyfriend. And a few weeks after their alleged 2014 breakup, Taylor says this in an interview:

"You always kind of have that person, that one person who you feel like might interrupt your wedding, and be like, 'don't do it, 'cause we're not over yet'. I think everybody has that one person who kind of floats in and out of their life and the narrative is never truly over."

And wouldn't you know it? In 2023, all of the fears Matty had once expressed about dating Taylor manifested before our eyes. Remember, I believe Matty got cancelled on purpose - so he walked right into the fire knowing what awaited him, because he helped start that fire via Adam Friedland. And, he may or may not be working with Nick Mullen on a project called 'Canceled'… so, that's my guess for an eventual reveal.

But who knows! Again, it's a rather unconventional theory, so I don't expect many people to entertain it lol Lastly, a kayfabe reveal could have very positive rippling effects, perhaps getting people to investigate the other ways it is utilized, like in American politics.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Ok, so SOOO much to unpack here, brace yourself. I posted prior on as anonymous 🫥 to get some quick info out, but now I’m really hankering in to unpack.

Ok, so I get it, Gojo definitely has valid reasons to suspect Rinko, but also…

I agree with anonymous (ง'̀-'́)ง, I was ready to fight Gojo (and everyone else who’s an ass to Rinko). Congrats, you have turned a group of Gojo simps to an army of Rinko protectors 🛡️

Anywho, back on point here. Gojo suspecting Rinko was valid because literally everything pointed to her, and while they do communicate to each other often, Rinko has proven to not always share everything because of either Clan shit, or I suspect to keep the barrier of friends with benefits with Gojo.

That said, like, Gojo literally out here claiming she’s his “You’re mine”, like it’s nothing. It’s definitely something, and I get Rinko not addressing in the moment, but she has to question it (Right? 👀)

Also, thank you for representing her feels so eloquently 🥹 as someone who’s recently discovered I have PTSD and panic attacks, and trying to recover from, you handled her own feelings so well! Sometimes reading those experiences can make it hard for myself, but I was able to get through it. So thanks 😊

Well hello! I will also address your anon message in this, so everything is below the cut!! 😊😊

If you're new and HAVEN'T already, you can read Another Level on AO3 :)

I'm pasting your Anon message:

I’m so very impressed with the recent writing of Rinko and Gojo’s life. The way you handled Rinko’s breakdown was true to form of the panic instilling, the body dissociating - all scarily accurate. Literally was screaming at Gojo the entire time to help her breathe by breathing. From my own experience with panic attacks, having a loved one help you through it works wonders (even if you may not want it, you need it). Rinko’s story has found a special place in my heart, and you do her justice in expressing it in your writing. Truly impressed

OKAY.

I will first address the panic attacks and how accurately they are written:

I have had panic attacks for as long as I can remember. I have also had PTSD from past relationships. I recently discovered that I am also autistic 🙃 and 'autistic meltdowns' are often mistaken for panic attacks in undiagnosed people. So, there's that.

I have written about my mental health for a long, long time. Many years. If you'd like, I can share those, but I don't want to make you feel pressured to read them! (also don't want to out myself for how much of myself I've accidentally written into Rinko 👀)

AN ARMY OF RINKO PROTECTORS YES.

I can tell you who will be LEADING that army:

Don't you HURT HIS ADOPTIVE MOM COUSIN.

Gojo staking his claim and what Rinko thinks:

I'm gonna be real with you. Rinko thought almost nothing of him saying that for two reasons: 1) He was drunk. 2) She straight up thinks he is the dumbest man alive.

Rinko genuinely thinks that Gojo is just stupid and doesn't realize that things he says and does send messages of more than being friends.

Why, you ask? Let's take a lil trip down memory lane:

We'll start with this bit from Let Me Know You:

“Friends don’t typically do this,” she said quietly, a small laugh escaping when he pouted. “Unless you’re going to tell me this is how all of your friendships are? Because that’d be very interesting.” That made him laugh, his eyes crinkling at the corners, hand moving to the back of her neck to pull her lips to meet his again. Pressing his tongue into her mouth, his other hand went to her shirt again. “I’ll admit this might not be a conventional friendship,” he murmured, unbuttoning the few buttons she’d managed to fasten earlier. “But that’s what makes it fun. We can have sleepovers-”

Then, I Say "Sayonara":

But she couldn’t, she wouldn’t, tell her mother about her ‘unconventional’ friendship with Gojo Satoru. Not the typical friendship, he would always say as he grinned, pressing a gentle kiss to her temple or forehead. Such a contrast to how he would spend the next few hours taking her apart in every way he could.

AND THEN, FINALLY, New Memories:

“You know,” she said, reluctantly allowing him to pull her along with him again. “That isn’t exactly how friends-” “Not a typical friendship, baby,” he cut her off. “Now,” he paused, grabbing her by the waist and warping them to her apartment. “Get changed.”

I'm going to write an Author Discussion once we've gotten through (Please) Prove Me Wrong, so that will break down quite a bit and hopefully answer some of your other questions!! 😊😊

Full disclosure: Gojo's POV was never meant to be as big of a deal as it's become, and I am struggling to write it rn 🙃🙃🙃

Thank you for reading and sending these TWO amazing asks 🥹💕

[an-inky-fingered-lass]

New game: Share your three best fanworks. No thinking, just the three that instinctively occur to you. Then copy-paste this ask to anonymously share with as many people as you want.

Delayed response, I'm sorry! But my first ask, how exciting. Thank you so much!

(btw @ussjellyfish I'm such a huge fan of your writing. I keep meaning to leave some comments (I'm always terrible about getting to that!) and I promise I will eventually but I just had to take the opportunity to mention it. I'm just in love with the way you do dialogue and I reread a bunch of your stories literally all the time <3)

Okay! Hmm, favorites.

First one is definitely whistling static when the young learn to fly (Agents of SHIELD, part of what I call the peaceful retirement post-season 5 AU, philindaisy family feels, 5,898 words). I've written a lot this past... year-ish, maybe like 20% percent of which is posted (oops), and whistling static is maybe my favorite thing I've done so far. It makes me so happy every time I reread it, which says a lot -- I love my own work, most of the time, but I'm also relentlessly critical of everything I do and am very good at convincing myself it's all terrible -- but whistling static does so many things I really really wanted it to do and covers a lot of themes that are super important to me. The repercussions of spending decades of your life as a spy, finding your own kind of peace (when you believed you never would) and whole messy process of it, building your life into what you what it to be and believing that that matters, because it does. It's warm and introspective and bittersweet and ultimately hopeful, which is maybe my favorite combination of all time. There are a lot of things about it I'm really proud of. It was also such a joy to write.

The second one that comes to mind... there's another AoS AU I've been building on and off, that is very, very canon divergent and essentially explores a drastically different path May's life could have taken. There is still a mission that goes terribly wrong, a traumatic event that affects her deeply and changes the course of her life, but everything is different -- so the aftermath is, too. It's currently at 7000ish words, very sparsely plotted and self-indulgent but it's very important to me. It's... also unpublished, which might make this cheating? Oops. But it's a story about building and rebuilding your life, about how love is something you work on, something you choose over and over, and how maybe sometimes doing the brave thing means choosing your own happiness. Through the course of it May and Andrew eventually adopt a little girl together (and her name is Elaine! Lainey Garner-May. I may be unreasonably proud of that name. And it maaaaaay ring a bell to one or two of you? 👀). It's unconventional family feels, STRIKE Team Delta fun and just. Feels heavy. It's really special to me for a lot of reasons. I have...three? pieces I'm hoping to wrangle into completion and maaaaybe post soon. We will see. In the meantime... here's a sneak peak? (I couldn't resist!) _

“I’m fine,” May said, a little too deliberately. Laura hummed. 

“Mm. Something’s bugging you, though.” 

May paused. Her hands didn’t stop moving -- the glasses didn’t so much as clink -- but something in the air did, as though an atmosphere could hold its breath. 

Laura didn’t. Propping her hip lazily against the counter, she was complacently aware that she’d likely prove a right menace in the interrogation room at this point, by dint of sheer, tired immunity to all her agents’ unconscious intimidation and elicitation tactics. On either side of the table. 

May rolled her eyes tiredly. “Ever think about joining up, Laur?”

“Nope,” said Laura cheerfully. It was an old exchange. “Happy where I am, thank you. Nice dodge, by the way.” 

When May relaxed it was easier to remember that she couldn’t be trusted with seasoning of any kind, that she almost always pulled dishwashing duty because she actually liked doing it. Laura thought about the legend this woman had been turned into in her absence, the way the soft sweater she was wearing still permitted a full range of motion and hero sat so awkwardly on her, heavy and cumbersome like nothing she had chosen ever was.  _

(This AU is also how I found out that Laura Barton is one of my absolute favorite povs to write. She's so much fun.)

And the third one that comes to mind, weirdly, is this character study I wrote for Tonks and Lupin from Harry Potter ages ago, that is actually complete (rare for me) but that I never posted because it was heavily, heavily inspired by the incredible dirgewithoutmusic's scar tissue boys and patchwork kids. And also a really a huge mess. But it was my first venture into this sort of... fling-ideas-at-characters-to-see-what-sticks stream of consciousness writing style, and also the beginning of my, really sort of figuring out a writing style that's mine, rather than just whatever sounds vaguely okay. It also contains what's actually still one of my favorite bits I've ever written:

Tonks wove their fingers carefully together, and didn’t think of never letting go.  (Theirs was a spot of light in a time when such things were not to be taken for granted; if a moment was all they would have, she was not going to spend it wishing for more.)

But since that's not published either, I'm going to poke tentatively at be the stillness of the moon. (Also Agents of SHIELD, and an early, alternate draft of whistling static, 3,773 words.) This one was HARD to write (the doc got to around 13k words with scrapped drafts...) but I have a thing with writing rambling conversations, the kind that whisk over like three different topics and aren't quite linear but make sense, ring true and have a point to them, a destination -- I write a lot of that and I think this is one of the times I did it best. I'm also really proud of all the little details, the way I can sort of see it playing out. This was one of those stories I really watched like a movie in my head while I was trying to write it (or *cough* trying to sleep). It was an early draft of whistling static that I got so frustrated with I started again from scratch with the same themes and a different approach and pov, but I came back to it after months and actually liked it and so... it ended up getting posted. I was amazed by the response it got, too, it got some really, really lovely comments. I stressed over it a lot but I'm really glad I ended up sharing this one.

so that's... four... (oh dear) and WOW, this got long winded. I'm sorry, I get overexcited! And I think I may have defeated the purpose here a little. Whoops. I really need to actually share more stuff. I'm working on it! This was so much fun, though. Thanks so much for asking!! <3 <3

[darkpoisonouslove]

For fic writer asks: 1, 3, 10, 15, 25, 26, 31, 45, 46, 49 :)

Thanks! :D

1. What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

I'm thinking either Imitation Play or The Power of Peace. Both are pretty similar - have an excessive amount of worldbuilding details, dry humping at inopportune times with the bonus of unconventional magic being involved, internal struggle that is worked out through the kind-of-smut and leads to an altered sense of self, asshole!Valtor and a Griffin who probably enjoys asshole!Valtor a little too much than strictly advisable. I feel like those are all staples of my writing. Both are also conceptually strong if I do say so myself. Imitation Play might be a little more so, though. I had the title before I had even started writing the story and I think it's reflective of every aspect of the story.

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

Angst, hate-love, hate sex, porn with feelings, alternate universes, eye color symbolism, too many goddamn metaphors, moral dilemmas, long-term relationships, repressed feelings, impossible to repress feelings, love making things complicated and probably a whole lot of other things.

10. How do you decide what to write?

Lmaooo, I don't have any control whatsoever over this. It's not so much a decision as much as it is just going with the flow. I just ask myself "Do I feel like writing today?" And if I manage to answer that with a yes or at least a "no, but at least I can try it and maybe I'll put myself in the mood", then I start going through my recently touched projects. If none of those makes my brain go "That's the one!", then I try going through my notes to see what other ideas I have. Sometimes that whole process is unnecessary, though, because I get an idea for a WiP or for a new story and the inspiration from that idea carries me the rest of the way. I have learned not to try to force a WiP that doesn't want to cooperate with me because that just leaves me with negative feelings for the fic in question and makes returning to it that much harder.

15. What’s your favorite AU that you’ve written?

Evil. Evil, evil, evil question. Am I gonna have to go through all of them now?... Nah, it's Sparks of Life. Granted, the reworked version of Sparks of Life that only exists in my head so far but it is Sparks of Life nonetheless. I adore magic and fantasy but do you know what I adore even more? Modern day versions of fantasy characters. Sparks of Life was my first modern day AU for Winx, I believe (I'm too lazy to check) and that's probably why I fell in love with it so thoroughly. Well, that and the fact that the first part of it I wrote already had Griffin and Valtor being married. It doesn't really have a plot. It's just vibes and character interactions but that makes it comforting because as long as I stick to the overarching but very vague theme, I can just add parts to it however and whenever I please.

25. What other websites or resources do you use most often when you write?

Online thesaurus, online dictionaries, my dad's old Bulgarian-English and English-Bulgarian physical dictionaries, Google Translate for when I'm too lazy to pull out the physical dictionaries (but I will if Google Translate fails me (which is a not so rare occurrence), the OneLook Thesaurus and Reverse dictionary for when I remember what a word means but not what the word IS.

26. Would you rather write a fic that had no dialogue or one that was only dialogue?

I've actually written fics with no dialogue but those were short and inspired by songs and it was more of an inner monologue of the PoV characters. I would pick fic with only dialogue. I believe I could pull that off (depending on what you're trying to write, of course, but still).

31. What’s your ideal fic length to write?

Something that can be finished in one sitting, lol. But considering that lately my brain capacity is not what it used to be, finishing stories in one sitting isn't very realistic. I'm not particular about "ideal length". Based on the majority of my fics, my ideal length is 3-5k words. There are stories that require a lot more words if you want to do them justice, though. Long fic certainly has its many challenges but I always have something to add to a story so while I came up short when the actual writing is concerned, most of my ideas run pretty long.

45. What’s something you’ve improved on since you started writing fic?

The flow of the story. I used to rush through parts without even realizing I was doing it. I didn't have a good grasp on how a story is supposed to flow and would make jarring shifts in tone or plot points. I like to think I've gotten much better at avoiding those.

Another thing is character motivations. Looking at my earlier fics, I can see that the characters were doing what they were doing just because I wanted them to regardless of whether it made sense for them to do it from a logistical PoV or from PoV of their characterizations. I really think I'm starting to figure out how to keep their motivations consistent and believable.

46. Do you prefer writing on your phone or on a computer (or something else)? Do you think where you write affects the way you write?

Typing on my laptop is so much more comfortable and faster than typing on my phone but I would write a story draft on my phone in a pinch. The only difference between those is in the number of typos I make. It definitely increases when I'm typing up a story on my phone. Otherwise, I don't think the device influences the quality or layout of the work. Sometimes, though, I feel that I will go insane if I don't write my story on paper. It's just a feeling and I tend to always write my longest fics on my laptop but for short(ish) one-shots, I usually use a notebook for the first draft (the Griffin x Marion fic I'm working on I wrote on paper first but Imitation Play was written directly on my laptop). That decreases the number of typos usually.

49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!

As I mentioned above, I am currently working on this Griffin x Marion fic. I finished it the other day and the plan was to post it yesterday but pushing myself to write 2000 words in one day left me quite tired and I knew that last stretch I wrote would need a lot of editing so I decided to do what's best for the story. I am more than willing to share a snippet from the more polished parts though!

Figuring out Griffin’s play was the most crucial part of this visit to Cloud Tower. Oritel would have agreed, would have shown the same initiative in tailing the witch that Marion did. He would have been the only one who would have taken her intrigue with this perfect opportunity seriously.

Griffin’s stance on the politics around dark magic and the people who used it was clearly pronounced. It hadn’t taken Marion much effort at all to stir the conversation with her mother’s counselors to reveal the most scandalous information they’d heard about Griffin. All rumor, of course, but stemming from a solid foundation of the witch’s own making.

Her particle manipulation powers and her prowess with magic relating to all manner of heavenly bodies had raised more than concerns as soon as she’d altered the trajectory of the biggest meteor shower in the known universe.

The Dragon Scales rained harmlessly over the Magic Dimension riding the ripples of space currents believed to be the Great Dragon shivering and shedding her skin. Over thousands of years no scholars, scribes and astronomers had succeeded in deciphering the pattern behind the phenomenon.

Griffin had not only predicted it successfully this once, but also influenced its course. To the point where the meteors had blazed through the atmosphere of several planets leaving behind a fiery trail in the sky, small craters and hard rock on the ground, and not a shred of mysticism.

Griffin’s appointment as the newest addition to the Cloud Tower faculty had stirred unrest all over the Magic Dimension, all of its leaders left to ask what would happen if she decided to repeat her magic show but this time take it further. Marion suspected that had been the whole point of it – to make all the monarchs aware of the force they’d be facing if they decided to go against witchkind. The effect had rippled further, of course, other dark magic users who shared Griffin’s views witnessing it as well.

Learning who’d reached out to her would be of great use to Marion in light of her mother’s refusal to consider anyone else’s power but their own, given to them as a birthright. Even in the face of a magical show that would’ve exhausted Marion’s own powers to the point of inducing magic depletion syndrome for the next few days.

Instead of examining the pattern of odd and worrisome magic thefts all over the dimension the Queen of Domino had preferred to focus on Marion’s interest in Griffin and had set out to present it to anyone that noticed it as dutiful yet unfounded concern over state affairs, as overzealous protectiveness. She may as well have called it paranoia to Marion’s own face. In doing so she’d only left Marion one option – pursue it to the very end.

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