#also really i can and should pursue this on multiple fronts if i'm serious about getting it produced

[thatsuhboldchoice]

need to word vomit just to work through some thoughts

i guess in my mind, i see a few paths forward now with the play. and not saying they're mutually exclusive, but just they would all take energy of different sorts, so my mind is separating them out.

self produce. whether this is a staged reading or a full production, i definitely think i have built excitement and momentum within my theatre circle to help me put this sucker on. that said, to produce something and to produce it well takes a lot of energy. and this play is a beast. also i feel like i would need clear goals. am a producing (particularly a staged reading) in hopes of attracting the notice of a larger theatre/producer? am i doing it just to see my work? to hone my craft and go through the process of seeing what works onstage and what doesn't? i guess my fear on this front is just IF this truly is of a quality and caliber where it could compete for professional productions, am i cutting out bigger opportunities for myself if i try to do this in house?

network and shop it around to local theatres. a staged reading could potentially lead to this. i have some ins with the shx group, but the overall vibe was that....maybe this isn't the best match for that group? the thing is i don't see it 100% in line with the mission of any local theatres. like there are some i could see it fitting in with, but none that seem like a total slam dunk. i'm also wary because recently i saw a locally written play that has been a long time in the making and had a lot of champions go up at a local theatre and it....didn't have the impact the playwright was going for because of poor direction and pacing choices. i know there's always that potential when sending work out into the world, but it makes me cautious. i also rather selfishly (or arrogantly?) feel that i am capable of producing or directing work better than some of what i've seen here, so i'm tempted to do it myself.

do my research and shop it around nationally, including finally getting my ass on new play exchange. this feels very scary and real. also i know i'm not supposed to say no to myself, and obvs the play to me has value, but it's not flashy or wildly topical, it's a bit of a slow burn, and it is theatre about theatre which people have Opinions on. like i'm not saying my work isn't good or isn't meaningful or doesn't have something timely to say, i'm just being brutally honest that i don't think it's going to stand out from the crowd enough to get picked out of a massive pile of submissions.

so all that said...where i am landing personally right now...is i think try to stage a reading?

i'm just really trying to suss if i'm landing on self produced because i have control issues and i'm not ready to let it go unchaperoned into the world or if it's because it's what i truly feel is right for the situation or if it's the only way i can for sure see it produced in some capacity and i like taking sure bets

[catgirlxox]

A Rebuttal of Ohvist Small’s "Modesty vs Arrogance" Video

My first issue with this video clip compilation is the context of the scenes depicting the events in Ben's life. The “modest” and the “arrogant” clips go back and forth through different contexts. The actions which are considered as his "modesty" happen as he watches, what he was made to believe was, his Grandpa literally dying in an explosion, as well as before he even knew Max was still alive. This how any real person should react in that situation because it is traumatic. You can not compare a person's behaviour directly following a traumatic event to a later circumstance where the has likely recovered and is in a better state of mind. 

His "arrogance" is not as malicious as it is made out to be. 

Not only that, but this “shift” in attitude is shown to happen to Ben’s character frequently throughout the series, and specifically when something traumatic occurs or is brought up. He takes on this very “mature” and “adult” behaviour, but this is obviously his way of coping with situations kids his age generally do not have to deal with. He has to deal with grown up problems, so he better act like one. 

In the Original Series’ “Ben 10,000″ episode, future Ben was shown to do this exact thing, albeit to a bit of an extreme since he actually was an adult. 

In Ultimate Alien, Ben reverted to his part of his character during times such as the Ultimate Kevin arc situation, as well as the episodes “The Ultimate Sacrifice”, and “The Ultimate Enemy.” 

In Omniverse, we are introduced to Malware -  a villain who traumatized Ben at the age of 11 and returns to cause him even more trouble at 16. When Ben is faced with the trauma Malware inflicts upon him, this triggers him to go into that “mature” and “serious” character. 

The Omniverse episode “Malfactor” showcases the way these types of triggers affect the way Ben acts. One of the Nemetrix aliens, a predator to Ben’s chosen alien (Big Chill), manages to hypnotize him in order to distract him from Malware. This predator manipulates Ben’s mind to find what he truly wants deep down and manufactures a hallucination which displays Ben’s reaction that hypothetical situation. 

Crowd (chanting): “Ben 10! Ben 10! Ben 10! We love you, Ben 10!”

Ben (inside the hallucination): “Yeah! Thank you! I love you all, too! But not as much as you love me...”

Ben (outside the hallucination): “No. This isn’t what it’s about. I'm a hero.”

Ben (controlling inside the hallucination from the outside): “Being a hero isn’t about fame. It’s about putting other people before yourself or what you want. It’s about doing the right thing just because it’s the right thing to do. It’s about about making a difference.” 

From this scenario, we are shown that all Ben truly wants is some recognition for his deeds. He could very well have dreamed of more, considering there is an alternate Ben (23) who is rich and famous. But, because he has been criticized for being proud of himself in the past (for “saving the whole entire universe”), once he begins to enjoy receiving the credit and love he deserves, he doesn’t even allow himself to feel good about it. 

But what he does say in the end is still very admirable, smart, and “mature.”

The rest of the time, when he is not faced with these stressors, Ben is his regular optimistic, confident self. This is not a flaw. This is him in a positive state of mind. He does not lose this “mature” outlook. He knows very well why he continues to do his job. 

Moving on to clips included in the compilation:

“Vengeance of Vilgax”

Gwen: "I'm not kidding, Ben. I'm really mad at you! Kevin and I could have been killed!"

The reason Gwen and Kevin are mad is because they weren't capable enough to take down Sserpent on their own. They really should be, but, apparently, they've been fighting him for an hour since Ben wasn't there. 

And, reasonably, you might think, 'oh, how insensitive of him to forget.' 

What makes him seem like the bad guy is the fact that he does not seem very apologetic when he does arrive. The reality is that he was not there to see Gwen and Kevin having an usually hard time fighting Ssperpent in the first place, and probably assumed that they were capable enough to do so, or at least hold him off until Ben did get there. 

But the fact that Gwen and Kevin are mostly mad at him for not showing up earlier proves that they need him. They need him to ultimately solve the problem because they know he is most capable of that. Seemingly more so than either Gwen or Kevin. Even if this is slightly strange considering both of them have gone through their own battles and won, if Ben is just that good at problem solving...should he not have good reason to be proud of himself?

That is exactly how he stopped the Highbreed invasion. He didn't “win.” Nobody “won” that war. Ben only stopped the Invasion by solving their problem in a creative way and therefore saving everyone’s lives.

Why is Ben "obnoxious" when he is no longer suffering as much as before, and when he has a good reason to be happy now? 

Granted, perhaps it is slightly premature since other threats will be coming up in his near future, so he shouldn't get too comfortable. But, the most important motivating factor behind Ben’s choice of actions and perception of his hero duty in the previous two seasons was his Grandpa Max’s disappearance. Now, he has Max back and that is no longer emotionally weighing him down. 

But even though forgetting to do something is not a good thing to do, showing up late to a mission unintentionally is not a big deal in comparison to the way some other characters are portrayed throughout this season. Everyone harps on about how terrible they think Ben is, however, whether you like it or not, Ben’s point of view can be explained.

Multiple times in this season, Kevin actually seems to stray from the motivation he had to help Ben in the first two seasons. 

Coercing the team into hacking the Omnitrix...

Blaming Gwen for not helping him when it all backfired and hit him the hardest...

Having an increased interest in sneaking petty crime in wherever he could...

I am not saying that he has regressed, because I have no interest in jumping to conclusions such as those everyone seems to have concluded about Ben. But, these things are just never spoken about even though they happened. 

In the beginning, it was Kevin's idea to hack the Omnitrix. Ben agreed to do it as well, but Kevin had all the necessary equipment ready. He got hit the hardest by it as a cause of his own bad suggestion. Some have made the argument that it was Ben's fault because it was his Omnitrix. 

But...who put him in that position? 

By doing what Kevin thought was “helping”, he was actually setting them all up for this catastrophe to happen. He brought them to the garage, he set up the machines and devices, he hooked Ben up to it, and then it overloaded. He caused this mess for himself. 

“Con of Rath” 

Ben: "Don’t worry, Ambassador. We’ll get the Tiffin to his destination.You have the word of Ben Tennyson"  

Gwen: You’re talking about yourself in the third person now? 

Gwen has a problem with the fact that Ben is talking about himself in the third person. But, Ben, being in such a position of authority where these aliens trust him enough to put their baby's life and safety into his hands is saying a whole lot about how the Galaxy sees him now. He has to reassure them that he will, without a doubt, be able to do what they expect of him. 

You could look at this as "arrogant", but you could more so look at this as Ben living up too his responsibilities and the Galaxy's expectations of him. The Galaxy treats him like this now out of both gratitude and a realization of what this boy is capable of. 

Would it be unreasonable to assume that some may even fear this over powered human? Individuals such as Vilgax are well known throughout the Galaxy because of how capable and powerful they are. Vilgax even attempted to connect that and compare himself to Ben in Ultimate Alien’s "The Ultimate Enemy." But Ben has defeated Vilgax multiple times at this point. Ben is arguably even more powerful than “the conqueror of ten worlds.”

So, in order for these aliens to not fear him as well, wouldn't he want to reassure them that he is here to use his powers to help them rather than enslave and destroy them? 

Ben also ends up stuck as Rath the entire episode, which works both for and against them while they pursue their mission. It leads Kevin to this conclusion:

Kevin: “I'm almost starting to appreciate the old Ben.” 

“Ghost Town”

According to Gwen, it was stupid of Ben to jump in front of Vilgax, allowing Ghostfreak to possess him, which then would lead to Ghostfreak being out of Ben's control. Does that not imply that he didn't know what was happening outside his body since he was possessed? 

And because Ben is no longer in control like he expected to be, Ghostfreak takes that chance to try to kill everyone. This was not Ben’s doing. Even if Ben and Ghostreak were not morphed into one, Ghostfreak would most likely try to do the same thing.

Even aside from the indication that he could not have known what was going on around him, what if Ben got killed during this series of events?

Ghostfreak and Ben, two of Vilgax’s enemies, are now morphed into one. He has the chance to take them both down. And that is what he tries to do. 

Previously, Vilgax even asked to use the Omnitrix on his own to save his planet, which obviously Ben wouldn't agree to. Therefore, it seemed there wasn't much else he could do aside from reabsorbing Ghostfreak in the Omnitrix because then he wouldn't be free to cause harm to others. 

Contrary to popular belief, there are moments in Season 3 of Alien Force where Ben was still “mature”:

“Simple”

Ben gave up his three day weekend to voluntarily, and with a good attitude, travel to another planet just to try to solve their problems for them. It was his intention that counted in this episode, and it also portrays how willing he is to live up to the expectations everyone has for him. A little girl asked him to stop their war, and he didn't have a singe doubt that he could it. 

His motivation was good. His outlook was fuelled by his new found confidence. These are good traits for a hero to have. 

Kevin, on the other hand, had done something less than heroic while Ben was actively trying to get the War leaders to come to an understanding. 

Gwen: “You’re making money off of other people’s misery? I thought you were here to help Ben.”  

Rather helping Ben find a way to get the War leaders cooperate and stop fighting, he and Argit (who was conveniently on that planet as well) begin to repaint the soldier’s weapons and resell them, encouraging them to keep fighting.

I realize that this may have been because he wasn't in a very good financial situation a this point and still partially relied on this type of business to get by, but is that any excuse to be so indifferent to other people’s problems because they are not your own, and therefore do not affect you directly? 

Kevin’s character had shifted a bit in this arc as well, and, similarly to Ben, it had been as a cause of a traumatic event which occurred to him. Namely, the one in “Vengeance of Vilgax.” 

Being deeply affected by a traumatic experience with lasting psychological, and in Kevin’s case, temporally physical effects, causes one’s character and actions to be affected as well. This can mean for better and for worse. 

“In charm’s Way”

Kevin: Where's Gwen?”

Ben: “Went home. You hurt her pretty bad.”

Kevin: “I hurt her? I'm the one who looks like this, and she hasn't done a thing about it.”

Ben: “You are a giant, rock-faced jerk!”

Kevin: “Yeah, whatever.”

Ben: “Not "whatever. " She's spending every spare moment going through every magic book she can find to try and help you. She's been doing it since the accident.”

Kevin: “She never told me.”

Ben: “Should she have had to?”

In the end, everyone is capable of doing better and worse. However, this depends on having context in order to come to a logical understanding of where those choice of actions stems from. It does not excuse a bad behaviour, but it does shed light on the factors which have caused it to exist in the first place, and therefore can potentially prevent it in the future. Such as Omniverse Ben correcting his own thinking in “Malfactor” because of what he has learned from his past experiences.