#also realized i cant manifest someone's voice in my head

[snuffalufagus]

so auditory hallucinations are characterised by hearing unwanted/unintentional thoughts in a voice that is not your own internal monologue voice. and intrusive thoughts are characterised by hearing unwanted/unintentional thoughts in your own internal monologue voice. whwn it comes to intrusive thoughts esp these thoughts are usually negative n distressing etc. while auditory hallucination thoughts can be about anything. so what about neutral thoughts in your vocie but that aren't your thoughts? how do we know largely everyone's inner voice works the same way? as in it seems tht most ppl can 'manifest' the vocie of someone else they know in their head. what about ppl who can't? who hear everything in their head thru the same voice even if they are actively thinking of the thing being said by someone else for e.g. a song. not tht the person doesn't have an inner voice but like with aphantasia their range/accuracy etc is like limited. or what if ppl hv a hard time discerning? or hearing diffs in voices or smth like tht?

[amazingphilza]

maniac :: cc!tommy x reader

angst (?) , platonic (?) , gender neutral ! ib: conan gray’s maniac

this is satire & note that i write the reader to be a few months younger than tommy (besides that, i think it is fully inclusive !)

synopsis : you put all your hard work towards a useless crush. with no expectation for reciprocated feelings in the first place, it still all ends in a bittersweet slap to reality.

you grew up with minecraft and it was an understatement to say it was part of your childhood

even years later, you still maintained interested in the game

it wasn’t just a simple video game, the community inspired you to do many things

you aspired to be like the creators you watched at a young age like sky, dantdm, cupquake, stampy, and many more

making people happy and entertained was a dream

and when minecraft slowly began trending again in 2019, you started making your own content whenever you felt like it out of fun

you never got much views but it was an enjoyable experience nonetheless

but it wasn’t until the first minecraft monday you decided to push a bit more with your hobbies and worked hard to make it somewhere

however balancing your passions with school wasn’t the easiest

given, you were still only around 15 and your content wasn’t even that good

with not much of a goal or plan with your youtube channel, you fell out of interest eventually

you loved minecraft but you always a rocky relationship with it; getting back into it for a few months then pretending it never really existed for another few

besides the occasional videos you watched in your pass time, you didn’t stay that updated

then lockdown happened

it changed everything and even got you regressing back to old interests

soon enough you were back to minecraft

there was so much to catch up on

hermitcraft season 7 just started, there was minecraft championships, and smp earth and smp live, and so much more to look forward to watching

you were a bit late on both of the smps but your interest peaked specially towards smp earth and it didn’t stop you from watching the past videos

you first gravitated towards a certain youtuber’s videos first since you remember stumbling onto his videos before from your recommended page; wilbur soot

besides recognizing him from his you laugh you lose series and making parody-type of songs, you didn’t know much

however with a few clicks, you had binge watched his smp earth series effortlessly

you found yourself falling down the endless hole, finding more creators to watch through wilbur

one in particular caught your eye in an interesting way

tommyinnit

my god, how can someone be so annoying and pushy in these videos? like shut up already

and to find out he was barely months older than you frustrated you

you just wanted to be better in some way

if someone like him could be popular, why can’t you? yelling at others and causing problems didn’t seem that hard

and so you went back to working hard on your previously failed youtube channel but this time with a goal; be better than tommyinnit

it was a weird aspiration in your head but it worked

he was your age and successful, why need a better motivator?

tommy wasn’t the sole reason why you strive to make content since you truly did want to create videos to entertain people like the youtubers you originally grew up watching

and with the amount of free time you had, you thoroughly analyzed his content; what was the most popular, how he streamed, edited his videos, everything

you just completely studied the algorithm in general

along the way, tommy’s personality grew on you

tommy was undoubtedly a very loud and energetic person but you became fond of his ambitions

you understood why he was popular at such a young age; he was a natural entertainer

your spite towards the boy turned into a hope

a hope to be at par with him someday and even be mutuals

and it was like your dreams were suddenly manifested into existence

you gained a large following in the early months of lockdown and even was recognized to be apart of minecraft championships

it felt like yesterday that you were just watching your favorite youtubers livestream the same competition

and now you were situation in a team to play yourself for the first time instead of being a viewer for once

not to mention, with tommyinnit as a teammate

how did you manage to get so lucky?

under the excitement, you felt beyond never nervous waiting in the empty discord call for your team to join you to practice the mini-games

in the middle of gathering your thoughts together, you heard a sound from discord signaling someone joined the call

“uh, hello?”

you heard the familiar british accent you spent hours listening to from countless streams and videos

“h-hi! i’m y/n, how are you?”

you hoped tommy couldn’t hear the strain in your voice due to fighting your nerves, but you quietly celebrated that you didn’t freeze up altogether

“oh i’m good, thank you. and i’m tommy by the way, this is the first time we’re speaking, yeah?”

“yep! it’s nice to meet you”

“yeah, i’ve seen your name around the timeline a few times, you seem cool”

oh my god what?

“thanks! um i actually really enjoy your content not gonna lie”

“oh wow, good shit!”

and the conversation smoothly went on, bouncing back and forth between you two before your other two teammates joined the call

once everyone was situated, you decided to start streaming since it was your first mcc and you wanted a vod of you practicing to look at later on as a memory

your chat immediately noticed how much you were enjoying yourself, especially after all the short stories of talking about who inspired you in the past

the smile plastered on your face never left

after stream and your other teammates went offline, it was you and tommy left in the call once together again

“it was nice talking to you tommy! and the practice was really fun, i cant wait for the actual competition!”

“yeah definitely, we’ll for sure place high”

“hopefully. it’s my first time and i hope i don’t cost us the dub”

“nah, you think so? i mean rt and plumbella are also our team mates so you know, it’s all for fun in the end”

you knew tommy was implying the teamwork wasn’t going to be the best compared to the other teams but at least in the end you’ve both made a new friend

“yeah you’re right!”

“anyway it’s getting late imma hop off”

“okay tommy, talk to you soon?”

“yep!”

“alright byee”

“bye!”

the moment he left the call, you felt a sense of relief before a small wave of sadness took over

you wanted to continue talking to tommy but you knew you had other responsibilities to tend to

for the rest of the day, you couldn’t stop thinking of the call and mcc practice

the funny jokes, singing random songs, screaming for no reason, everything

it even kept you awake until the early morning

you buried your head in a pillow and screamed into it after realization hit

y/n no

no no no no no no no

you tried to recall anything that remotely related your other teammates which you remembered that didn’t include tommy

even if it was a few hours ago, you couldn’t pin point something specific

no

i must just be forgetful, right?

what the hell did rt and plumbella even say that whole call?

you vividly remembered everything with tommy and it was clear to you why

surely not

with putting a hand on your chest above your heart, you confirmed that you couldn’t lie to yourself based on the rapid speed

you liked tommy for a good while but it hadn’t clicked to you until now

eventually you fell asleep due to exhaustion but that’s to say you didn’t do so without imagining spending more time with tommy

ever since that day, time went by in a flash

your team didn’t do the best in mcc but it had been a while since then to have that as a concern

sadly you and tommy didn’t talk as often as you hoped but that didn’t make you have less feelings for him

on some days you felt bad since you thought you didn’t know enough about him to even be allowed to crush on him

it was a bit unprofessional but you were nearly 16, it’s normal to have these little crushes right?

eventually time came to rescue when tommy asked you if you wanted to accompany him in the dream smp

undoubtedly, you said yes

and for the few months during summer, it was where you two became even closer than before

however, once both of you two had to go back and attend school, it was harder to catch up with each other

even on calls together off stream, the occasional snapchat notification going off irked you in a way you couldn’t explain

only winter break was the small pause on your disappointment

but even then, it was a slow but steady hill of repressed sadness and frustration until early spring of the following year

you had hoped 2021 would be better than last year but after scrolling through twitter one day and seeing stans making rumors about how tommy had a crush on one of his classmates gave you the same pain you felt when school started last fall

you dreaded to look over at tommy’s most recent story time stream vod where all the gossip arose from; it was him stumbling over his words with the mention of a girl during a certain part

jealousy wasn’t the right word to describe the way you felt

you would never go out of your way to make tommy reciprocate the feelings you had for him

and if he liked someone else the way you saw him, you wouldn’t mind

having a crush is ecstatic, and if he has someone like that too, you should be happy

right?

you tried

what finally broke you was seeing a tiktok a few weeks later of tommy in college with eryn and another girl talking

you didn’t know how she looked like or anything but you wanted to sob

good for him

she didn’t even say much in the video and you dont know enough about tommy’s personal life to jump to conclusions like this

you knew you were acting irrational and you couldn’t be upset at tommy for something he couldn’t control

if anything, you never directly showed interest in him

you didn’t want to in the first place

it was a bad idea from the start

you looked back at the past year and all your intentions

what kind of sick fanfiction did you think you were living?

becoming a content creator, hoping to blow up, just to talk to a big youtuber you had a crush on?

oh my god

y/n what is wrong with you?

listen to yourself, y/n

you need to get some help

whether tommy was dating or even just had interest someone was none of your business

you had to move on no matter what it was and be good and supportive friend

it was dreadful to get over a stupid crush like this but after so much work you put in, you gave some sympathy for yourself

in a friend perspective, you were happy with whatever tommy did and was satisfied your friendship together, but you hadn’t realized how much you gambled from the beginning

and just for a crush?

you couldn’t comprehend how far you gone because you fancied someone

it wasn’t like anyone could get famous and become a popular content creator either

and now with you being on the dream smp along with a successful youtube channel at 16? you were grateful something pushed you enough to work this hard

but you’d never forget the fact everything that lead up to this point was a crush on no other than tommyinnit which first spurred from complete spite

“who’s the one better off now?” your thoughts mocked you from the complete irony

sigh

y/n, you maniac

[quirklessidiot]

Title: first meetings [ii. the small pink-haired boy] Genre: just angst, drama, romance, historical fiction Pairing: Sorcerer!Sukuna x gn!sorcerer!reader (heian era; pre-curse sukuna)

Synopsis: in which you befriend the slave boy you’re supposed to spy on.

Warnings: not canon stuff, future dark themes,, smoll manga spoilers, slavery, whipping, mentions of rape, language and violence Notes: im kinda back i guess skksks also these are pretty much random au’s of my own take of sukuna’s back story uwu, theyre arranged in no particular order and you can read them in any order. This started out as a random one shot and i couldnt get it out of my head lol ksksksks, def not canon btw but it is canon that sukuna used to be an all powerful sorcerer before he turned to the dark side or smthng.

lil dictionary: non-person-  usually what they called slaves during the heian era.

masterlist [for other parts] ;; taglist 

“That’s beautiful.”

Contrasting to your rather clean and prestigious appearance, the young boy was dressed in rags and had dirt painted on his face. You could tell by his uncommon red eyes that he didn’t want you here nor did he even want to be associated with you.

“...the boy is rather prideful.” your otosan recounted a few nights before, you’d usually have conversations like this since you were quite close with him and he did like to confide you with these things,“but he has spirit, he’d be good for a ward.”

“What are you doing here?” He spat, being a part of and the sole heir of your family meant you were also treated with dignity and respect, it seemed like this boy wasn’t afraid of anything or anyone, this made you grin wildly much to his disdain, “Oi, stop grinning like that. You’re creeping me the fuck out.”

“I’m Y/N.”

“And I don’t care.” 

“Has anyone told you that you’ve got quite the temper?”

“Well, has anyone told you that you’re being an annoying bitch?” he bit back, five minutes into your first meeting, this strange boy seemed to want to get furthest away from you. He seemed to be rather ignorant to his overflowing cursed energy, your father was right, this boy was definitely no joke. 

“That’s sad.” You pouted, “All I wanted to say was how beautiful that Kimono is.”

“I was at a store, looking for some clothes that best suited you when I saw a young boy of your age…” your otosan narrated, “Who had a rather high cursed energy, he seemed unaware with it. He works as an errand boy, I believe, he carries heavy clothes and silk… His looks are hard to miss Y/N, so I’m sure you won’t miss him...try to talk to him…”

The boy looks up to you, completely annoyed, “Well, you said it. Now fuck off, yeah?”

You chose to ignore him and just bend down to his level, you had no training for today so you might as well join the boy for a moment since you had time to kill, “You know, if you keep keeping that attitude up, you might scare the customers away.” you mumbled, loud enough for him to hear.

“Yeah?” he clicked his tongue, “Looks to me that you aren’t even here to buy anything.”

“He seemed rather…” Your otosan described, “perplexed...so you might as well go in my stead…”

“Ah.” your grin doesn’t seem to fade despite his rather rough way of speaking, “You just seemed around my age so I got interested.”

“No shit, now buzz off. I got no time for kids like you.”

He talks as if he was older than you, it’s no surprise. Boys like him tend to think they know quite a lot.

“Do you wish to tell me your name now?”

He was silent for a moment.

That’s when realization dawned upon you, why he seemed perplexed around your otosan, why he thinks you were an annoying buzz, and why he couldn’t reply when you asked for his name. You feel yourself inwardly cringe at your mistake, it seems like the boy your father took interest in is a slave with no name, “Twenty.” he mumbles, shrugging nonchalantly.

“What?”

“They call me twenty.” he recounts, his voice is still rough around the edges, remaining uncensored by his identity.

“Right…” you tilt your head, “Twenty…”

“You’ve got silks to bring to the next town, boy!” a loud voice calls out, cutting you short, making the pink-haired boy put the pretty kimono down and back for display. Without even sparing you a glance or a word, he retreats to the back and you’re left squatting there alone. You watch him from behind, specifically at the bandages that peeked through his wrists.

The boy had piqued your interest to the point that you made it your weekly agenda to visit him and a-some-nights agenda to watch over him. He still ignores you and seems to be annoyed by you every time but he doesn’t seem to be doing anything about it so you just sit there. 

You were also still in awe by how much raw energy he possessed, you’d ask your otosan if he knew any sorcerers with lost children because it surely seemed as if this boy wasn’t ordinary.

“Just keep an eye on him,” was all your father said as you watch the boy close up shop late at night from on top of a roof, “He might make a great sorcerer and shift the tides.”

Your otosan was not one for gambling on people but it seemed like he made a large bet on this boy. 

As usual, you’re watching over him close up. It’s late and the owner of the place walks out, a pipe on his lips. Right then and there, he slaps the pink-haired teenager right at the face, “You should’ve joined the customer awhile ago in the dressing room, boy.” he growls, “It would’ve been quick…”

You feel the negative energy emit stronger than ever and your grip on your knife is tight, “Don’t get involved, Y/N.” your otosan’s warning echoes in your head, yes your otosan may have been interested in him but he was never one to dwell in human affairs, saying they were annoying and a mess to clean up.

“...It seems like the lesson a few nights ago wasn’t enough.” you snap back to reality and watch his boss stretch out a whip with its pointy ends and you feel your blood run cold. 

‘Don’t get involved-’

You ignore your otosan’s words in your head and throw a stone right at a nearby sign, resulting in a booming clang, making the cat nearby yelp outloud. The pink-haired boy jumps on the spot and so does the older man at the sound.

“Ah fucking-” the older man curses, tucking the whip back in, “No food for you for three days. Know your fucking worth, non-person.”

Your grip on your nodachi lessens as you let out a sigh of relief, whatever legal terms your father must be talking about needs to be done quickly.

On the next day, you’re on your way to visit him again. Carrying the bento box that you know he’ll refuse again because of his ‘pride’ yet you stop dead on your tracks when you find his owner and an older man talking, Sukuna seems to be standing behind them, looking quite uncomfortable.

It didn’t take two and two to guess what was going on, the amount of cursed energy leaking on him was strong so you could only guess this was the man who wanted to get his way on him yesterday. Your nose crinkles in absolute disgust, “Don’t get involved-”

Once again, you ignore your otosan’s words.

“Hey!” You call out, you see his red eyes widen, “What are you doing?”

The older man frowns at your sudden appearance, “None of your business brat. Now go home-”

“I said,” You repeated, your voice dangerously low, “What are you doing to him?”

“He’s a non-person, kid.” his ‘owner��� growls, you notice his hands dangerously close to his whip, “A fucking slave in simpler terms, now get the fuck out before I beat him and you.”

“You don’t scare me.” Your eyes are narrowed, truthfully, no one ever scares you. You were the heir of your clan. It was to be expected and drilled since your curse energy manifested when you were five that fear would come last, “Now unhand the boy.”

“This bitch-”

“Now, now.” The other man smiles, cutting the pink-haired boy’s ‘owner’ off,  “Maybe I can take that young child with me too. After all, they seem to be good friends. Two is better than one…”

You watch the other older man snake an arm on the young boy’s shoulder and you could feel the fear leaking out, it was harder to mask and hide now. 

“Is it alright to put a little scar on’em? So that they’d know-” He gets ready to take out the whip while your fists are clenched, this would be easy. You could get away with this later, at least you’d take the boy away from this place and help him control his energy after. 

Yet before you’re able to land a blow, the pink-haired boy yells at you to move as his ‘owner’ takes out a whip to whip you.

For someone who didn’t seem to like your presence, he was rather quick to defend you, having his face get hit in the process by the sharp whip. Your eyes widen in surprise, “Ah, shit… Y/N, run!” he yells but you’re staring at his very bloody face.

It would obviously leave marks like the wrists and who knows which parts since he was always covered by that very loose raggedy kimono.

You clench your fists tightly and look up from his blood features, the ‘owner’ stops on his tracks when he meets your very cold gaze, “Do you know who you just messed with?” you asked, “You really think I won’t tell my otosan that you planned to make me your prostitute?”

“Y-Y/N, jesus christ just fucking run-” he tried to stutter out, any evidence of the prideful and strong boy who tried to shoo you away was now gone.

Yet like the stubborn child you are, you ignore him and instead take out your family seal and drop it in front of them, ignoring the pink-haired boy’s plea’s and watching the two men in front of you turn white as a ghost as they see the nameplate, “My name is Ryomen Y/N.” You stated, voice loud and clear, “And you better hope that I’ll let you out here dead or me and my otosan will hunt you down for the rest of your life.”

taglist [if your name is crossed out, i cant tag you!] @shinhiromi ;; @hcn421 ;; @airybnb ;; @coldbookworm ;; @kristineyoshaii ;; @frankenstein852​

@iguessimastannnow

[pkg4mumtown]

Consign Me Not To Darkness (Ch. 2)

Summary: Being trained by the maverick Jedi meant you had a looser view of the code than most Padawans did, but how well would that serve you when no Jedi were taught how to love?

Pairing: Qui-Gon/Reader (Gender Neutral)

Rating: M (to be safe because of Chapter 1)

Warnings: Age Gap, Angst, Fluff, Gender Neutral Reader

A/N: First Qui-Gon centered fic! It’s finally here and I hope you all enjoy. Thank you, Nura, for the request <3.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

The bed was far too cold without Qui-Gon in it. The man was basically a personal radiator for you to wrap yourself around, making his absence all too prevalent. Then, there was the matter of the lack of communication that only made your chest hurt every time you thought about it. Still, you got up for the day, knowing your amount of rest was growing suspicious until you remembered that no one was there to wake you. Meditation probably would have done you well, considering your emotions, but you didn’t want to dwell on them at the moment.

Quite the opposite actually.

A quick snack and extended training session later, you still couldn’t feel Qui-Gon anywhere. On your walk back to your room, you saw Master Windu leaving his own, probably on his way to a meeting.

“Master Windu!” You called out to him to get his attention.

“Padawan, what can I do for you?” He asked once you caught up to him.

“Do you know where Master Jinn is? He disappeared yesterday and didn’t mention where he was going…”

“He asked for a solo mission and left early this morning. He said you had some studies to catch up on to keep you occupied,” Mace recounted. “Will that be all?”

“Y-Yes, Master Windu, thank you,” You bowed to him and back tracked back to your room.

A solo mission? Studies? What a load of bantha fodder!

When you got to your rooms, you immediately tried to comm him, but the signal was never answered. You felt emotion welling up in your throat, something you knew wasn’t a good thing. You tried to take deep breaths through your constricting throat, keeping your tears at bay and releasing your emotions into the force like a good Jedi. It was far harder than it should have been.

That night you slept in your own bed to keep the reminder of Qui-Gon’s absence away.

A tenday later, as you collapsed from another grueling training session, you felt a familiar presence just barely entering the temple. You sat up from the floor and looked around. The room was clean, cleaner than it had been in a while with not much to do but train and clean. Hopefully, he didn’t notice the dark circles under your eyes from a lack of solid sleep.

“Qui-Gon!” you greeted excitedly when he arrived, but instead of greeting you back with the same vigor, he brushed passed you.

“Padawan,” he murmured, dropping his bag near the door.

“Why didn’t you tell me you had a mission? I was looking for you for hours…” you asked but received no answer. He kept walking like he’d never heard you, keeping his back to you. “Qui? I miss—,” you reached out with your arms to hug from behind.

“Stop,” he murmured, his voice cracking slightly. He took a step further from you, “I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what…?” You asked slowly.

“This anymore. Us,” he stressed.

You heart dropped into your stomach, your throat constricting as if someone had taken all the air from your lungs, “W—wh—hy?

“I cant keep pretending like I don’t hate myself every time I think about this gap between us, Y/N! I’m twice your age!” he leaned heavily against the small kitchen counter, not even having the decency to face you.

“B—but, we’ve talked about this! I don’t care!”

“I know, but… I do. I just—I can’t. If you’re going to break the code, break it for someone younger, someone better.”

“You’re being ridiculous! You said that our love was light! That the Force willed it!” You snarled back, your frustrations starting to manifest rapidly.

“I know what I said, Y/N! Stop fighting me on this!” He growled impatiently. “You have no idea how I felt watching you spar with that other Padawan, like my control was slipping. I’m a Master for Force’s sake. I felt like a disgusting, jealous old man!” Qui-Gon practically spat. “We’re done. I knew this was a bad idea as soon as I reciprocated your confession,” he said dismissively, running a hand through his unruly hair. “I knew you were…too young,” he stumbled over his words as if he was forcing himself to say them out loud for once.

Your chest ached at his words, the emotion continuing to choke you up. You couldn’t breathe or control your emotions. You felt something dark and suffocating simmering below the surface but tried to push it down as far as you could, but it was hard and the rage was threatening to burst from your chest. Your nails dug deep grooves into your palms as you clenched your fists, the pain barely registering through the dark clouding your mind. No doubt, by the way his shoulders tensed, he could sense the darkness through the bond, as well.

If he could affect you like this, then he was right. Neither of you could do this. You were practically choking on the dark side already. You heaved air in your chest and stormed out of the room, only letting your tears fall briefly before you remembered your surroundings in the Temple hallway. You walked aimlessly, or you at least thought you did. With each step away from him, the darkness eased back as you did your best to release the emotions.

You had no idea what was going to happen, now. He wouldn’t go to the Council and accuse you—you had as much incriminating information as he did—though it was his word against yours, but you also couldn’t continue learning under him with the darkness this close, you knew that much.

You stopped, faced with, the newly ranked, Master Fisto's door, a familiar, calming energy on the other side. He was one of the Jedi who had found you long ago, only a relatively new knight at the time, but you had regarded him as an important person ever since, akin to an older brother.

You didn’t even have to knock before his presence slid the door open before you, sensing the distress radiating off of you just on the other side of his door.

“Young one, what’s happened?” His hand came up to your shoulder, his neck bending to look you in the eyes better.

All you could do was choke on another sob and he was not so heartless as to leave you standing there. Kit brought you in for a hug to try and calm you down.

“You need to tell me what happened, your emotions are…” He trailed off, not knowing how to describe them.

“Out of control—I know,” you croaked. You took some steadying breaths, “I…Qui-Gon…I—I love him, Kit. We—”

“Stop…stop, I understand. The less I know, the better,” Kit sighed loudly.

“I don’t know what to do, I can’t go back there, I can’t continue under him. I—I felt the dark side, Kit, I was so overwhelmed…”

“But, you didn’t fall, and that’s the most important part. That is a trial in itself, even if the Council will never know,” he reassured you.

“Can…can you finish my training? I can’t even look at him…” you scrubbed your face harshly.

“I—,” Kit sighed, “We can talk to the Council tomorrow, but he will have to be there to relinquish his duty as your Master.”

You let out a shaky sigh and finally pulled yourself away from Kit, “Okay.” You wiped your face from any more remnants of tears. “Can I sleep here?”

“Be my guest,” he gestured to the spare room.

You let out a sigh of relief, moving toward the room quickly.

“On one condition,” he stopped you in your tracks. “Meditate with me.”

“I don’t want to meditate right now, Kit,” you gritted out, the irritation getting the best of you. Qui-Gon always wanted to meditate the bad away and you didn’t feel like doing anything he would have done at the moment.

“You might not want to, but you need to,” he urged more firmly.

You growled softly under your breath and spun back to face him, “Fine.”

You found a comfortable position on the floor with Kit, feeling his hands grab yours. You let him in, feeling his mind caress yours on the surface, just enough to sense the swirling darkness. His force reeled back slightly when he realized how bad it was, but pressed on, helping you release a lot of your anger. It helped, but it wasn’t a permanent solution. You couldn’t solve everything by just releasing your emotions, you couldn’t forget the words Qui-Gon had slapped you with. As you struggled to work through the emotions, one thing became clearer as the dark subsided: If you wanted to be a Jedi, you had to let Qui-Gon go.

When Kit was satisfied with the darkness being brought down to a simmer, he finally let you up. He couldn’t let you face the Council with that much darkness clouding you. One of them would surely pick up on it.

“He does morning meditation at six, so I’ll go and change then,” You sighed as you made your way to the doorway.

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“I don’t want to trouble you so early, I’ll survive,” you shrugged. “Thanks again, Kit,” you passed through the doorway into his spare room.

After a night of fitful sleep, you blinked your eyes open when the sun was barely coming up. Glancing at your comm, you knew Qui would barely be getting up to head to morning meditation, so you waited another half hour before getting up. He would definitely be gone by then.

“I’ll be back, Kit,” you called out to his closed door.

“Wear something clean, please!”

You heard him shout back just before the door closed behind you. You rolled your eyes at his attempt at teasing, Kit really was your rock when you were struggling; things you wouldn’t dare admit to Qui-Gon during training.

You hesitated before swiping your keycard, seriously hoping Qui-Gon wasn’t still there. Alas, there was only one way to find out. The apartment was eerily quiet as you stepped in, which was a good sign. You made a beeline for your old room, quickly yanking out your least wrinkled tunics and tabards to quickly change into.

You had just finished cinching your obi around your waist when a voice you did not want to hear broke the silence.

“Padawan?”

You froze while adjusting the obi, quickly gulping and straightening our your tabards to make sure they were flat. You offered him no answer, not sure you could actually speak without falling apart.

“Y/N.”

When you were satisfied with your appearance, you finally turned to face him as if you just noticed the tall oaf for the first time. He hadn’t even gone to morning meditation. His hair was still down and mussed from sleep, a loose tunic hastily pulled over his chest, and pants hanging loosely from his hips.

“Oh, Master Jinn, pardon me,” You tried to speak in your best Jedi-like tone, but the waver in your voice gave you away.

“About yesterday…” His eyes were downcast, he couldn’t even look at you yet he wanted you to listen.

“Not to worry, Master, I’ve got it all sorted out,” you answered dutifully, your lip wobbling slightly as your throat threatened to betray your feigned confidence. His brows strung together, his head finally coming up. Qui-Gon’s eyes were just as red and puffy as yours, but you couldn’t be sympathetic when his words had cut so deeply. “I’m meeting with the council today.”

As if you’d just told him you were about to detonate a bomb, his eyes widened comically, “Wai—”

“Not to worry, Master Jinn, the atrocities you’re imagining won’t be discussed. Though, I’m sure they will call upon you for questions, so do try to be in the area,” I plastered on a fake smile. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Before you could push past him he took you by the elbow, making you turn your head away from the contact lest you start bawling then and there.

“What are you doing?” He asked, his back hunched over in your direction, his eyes trying to search your face for answers but you kept your face hidden in the other direction.

“What’s best for me,” you stated and ripped your elbow from his hold. “For both of us.”

You stood in front of the Council with your head held high. Kit stood somewhere behind you, letting you take the lead on the explanation. Your eyes actively tried to avoid Master Yoda’s curious gaze, like he’d be able to read every thought in your head if you so much as glanced at his piercing, inquisitive eyes.

“What exactly are you asking here, Padawan L/N?” Master Windu questioned, his frown deepening with every passing second.

“To be reassigned to a different Master until I’m ready for the trials, Master Windu,” you stated like it was a normal occurrence that Jedi did.

“Under what reasoning?” Master Mundi spoke up.

“No confidence, Master.”

“This is preposterous, we can’t just vote out Masters like senators,” Master Mundi scoffed. “Jinn has unconventional methods that the Council doesn’t agree with, but that doesn’t mean we can just take away his Padawan for seemingly no reason,” he addressed to the rest of the Council.

“I don’t feel that I will be ready for my trials if I continue training under Master Jinn,” which wasn’t a total lie, you wouldn’t, and would be more likely to fall if you stayed with him. “The force has guided me to this conclusion, Masters, it is not something I’m taking lightly.”

“Replace Master Jinn, who will?” Master Yoda hummed.

“I spoke to Master Fisto before the meeting, Grandmaster,” you gulped, staring just past him at the windows.

“Master Fisto?” Windu questioned him.

“I will graciously accept Padawan L/N if the Council wills it,” Kit bowed.

“Talk to Master Jinn, we will,” Yoda hummed, squinting suspiciously at the situation.

“Very well, Grandmaster. I believe you’ll find that he shares the same sentiments that I do.”

Chapter 3

[powerosewaterpuff]

YO ITS ME AGAIN , so um , some fear gas content in your au please , like fear gased dick and big bro jason comfort him

i genuinely have no excuse as to why this is so late, but oh my god school has been up my ass lately and i haven’t been able to get back into the groove of writing so I took this as an opportunity to build on that a bit. so tysm for the prompt! i rlly rly appreciate it hehe and again this had no excuse to be as late as it was ngl. but again this is my robin reversal au with jason being the oldest (i cant think of a good early hero name though ugh!) and dick being younger than him so enjoy! also so dick isn’t officially robin (he only does that when jason dies), but the persona still exists and he will join on major missions but bruce still has him in training so casual patrols are a no unless they have no other option for back up yk?

tw// there’s a slight mention of needles! it’s super short but i wanna be on the safe side as well as mild mention of cuts and scratches!

it took prodding. begging. and absolutely pleading to get bruce to agree to let jason and dick patrol together on their own. dick and or robin was not a constant on patrols with jason and bruce, as bruce wanted to ensure dick was fully equppied and trained before rushing into the field. it didn’t matter how much dick whined, or complained, or did as twice as many flipping kicks in training, the answer was always a solid no unless supervised or it was necessary. so it was a massive stretch to assume that bruce would agree to let them patrol together. they were practically in shock as bruce gave a nod after a few moments of silence. he even surprised himself. maybe it was the puppy eyed stare (mostly dick), or the reassurances that alfred would be on their comms the entire time, or even the full promise by jason that everything would be alright, but something made bruce say yes. more field training would be more than beneficial for dick anyways, (and that bright smile his youngest gave him and tight squeeze of a hug from his eldest didn’t hurt either).

the only promise jason was going to be able to fulfil was that scarecrow was going to rue the fucking day he decided to rear his ugly face out of arkham. it didn’t matter that bruce was beating the living shit out of him, holding no punches. jason was still brimming with rage. he hopped rooftop to rooftop, whipping his head around wildly as he searched for a fear gassed blur of neon colours. he wished he had been fucking a nanosecond faster, to reach out and pull dick from the blast of fear gas that swam through his nose and induced him in this fucking crazed frenzy. dick had just taken off his mask, right as jason was telling him to wait before bruce gave them the signal, and now jason was scouring the streets of gotham trying to find his brother. (he was going to fucking break scarecrow’s face, if bruce hadn’t already)

jason’s life was never one attributed with luck, it seemed like every possible slot in his pile was stacked firmly against him. except for when out of the corner of his vision he saw a stumbling mesh of a yellow cape climb onto a roof to his left. jason, took this as his initiative to attempt to stealthily sneak up next to dick, using his dark costume as an advantage.

he crept gently over to the building as he saw dick stumble onto his knees and he winced a bit as blood began to trickle down dick’s leg from the gashes beginning to form. dick was looking around wildly, almost in a desperate search for something. now, jason would’ve waited. he should’ve waited. bruce has drilled into his mind that dealing with victims of fear gas had to be done as meticulously and carefully as possible. dick shouldn’t have been any different, jason was able to hold to hold himself back. or he should’ve been able to.

it wasn’t until he saw dick scream out for his mother in a guttural rasp and leap towards the railings of the rooftop, did jason feel his legs take off as he stretched out, and managed to secure an arm around dick firmly. dick screeched even louder, wailing for his mother as he dug his nails into jason’s arms. jason gritted his teeth tightly but held on, because fuck that hurt. dick struggled and pushed, stamping his foot against jason’s leg and attempting to squirm out of his hold. but jason held on.

jason began attempting to reason with dick, he leaned his head down and gently placed it against dick’s. he murmured a bunch of fucking nothing as dick sobbed his throat raw. jason leaned closer to dick’s ear as dick began to shake in fear rather than anger and shut his eyes tight.

“dick? it’s jason, it’s just me. we’re on some fucking rooftop somewhere, and you are safe. okay? i’m holding you, and you’re safe, nothing is going to happen. bruce is gonna be here soon, and everything is going to be okay. i know you’re seeing god knows what, but i’m gonna get you out of this alright? i-i promise.”

jason couldn’t say he wasn’t dumbfounded when dick stopped angrily squirming around and began pressing his face into jason’s chest, with fat tears streaming down his face as he let out a wet sob. jason hesitantly wrapped his slightly bleeding arms around dick even tighter, curling up around him as he tried to push out the sound of dick’s sobs. he was never exactly good at dealing with dicks tears, he hated them so fucking much.

it didn’t take long for batman to arrive on the scene, but it was a scene he didn’t exactly like. his oldest son was cradling his youngest son as he heaved and sobbed. bruce silently stalked over, tapping jason on the shoulder as he waved his hands quietly, indicating that he could take dick off of his hands. jason was, not surprisingly, hesitant. (that untrustful hesitance was something, no matter how far jason did with his recovery, would always exist. that need to protect himself, or anyone he could care about no matter who it was against. that deeply rooted and innate need for self preservation, it marred jason’s soul with broad brush strokes. fading, but never leaving. )

jason almost shook himself into realization, realizing it was batman who was standing in front of him, and not someone of possible harm. he slowly unfurled his arms around dick, but was once again left dumbfounded when dick gripped onto the back of his uniform even tighter. the once muffled sobs got louder as dick desperately tried to hold onto jason. jason felt bruce’s stare, fucking digging into him, but he found himself not caring as he quickly curled back around dick. rocking back and forth, not bothering with the useless platitudes but keeping a firm lock on the back of dick’s neck and his waist. he peered up at batman and caught his gaze, and with a hushed agreement, they nodded at each other.

jason looped his arms around dick’s legs, his face twisting into a deeply set frown as dick’s sobs began morphing into hacking coughs, harsh and volatile. he managed to get himself standing upright as he pressed a kiss onto dick’s tear stained check, whilst still rubbing his back. the pain of others always had physically manifestions on jason. he fucking hated it. his mother would be splayed out on the couch, muttering incoherent fucking nonsense and jason would feel bile sting at the back of his throat, almost tempting him to kneel over and lurch as his body shook violently. and now, hearing dick’s fragmented breaths and shaky sobs, he felt like doing just that.

it had taken an effort, to get jason and dick safely off of the roof, and at the end bruce opted into scooping jason up who had dick clinging onto him like a koala, and simply carrying them both into the batmobile. alfred has already been long informed of the situation and had been able to promptly prepare an antidote that would be ready for their arrival. that did not mean, of course, that dick was compliant in taking the antidote. it took shushing and holding and soft whispers to get him to stop squirming enough for the needle to safely prick through his skin. alfred had opted to use little superman stickers afterwards, they were always dick’s favourite.

it had taken a while for dick to become conscious again, as alfred had added just a touch of sedatives to the antidote. just to help dick relax. when he did wake up, the world around him looking slightly fuzzy around the corners, he found himself encased in two sets of arms. was he in bruce’s bed? dick attempted to sit up but was met with a hand in his face pushing him back down, he turned his head to the side to be met with hazy lime green eyes and a lazy smile.

“dickie, sleep. now. you’ll wake up bruce— dont look at me like that he’s a light sleeper and you fucking know it. now go back to sleep, we’ll talk in the morning.”

“I just woke up though, why am I going back to slee-.”

“sh. your voice is too loud this early in the morning.”

“you’re so annoyin—and get your hand off of me!”

“make me—slapping my hand isn’t doing anything, bud.”

“shut up. i didn’t ask.”

“you’re still not making me”

“i’ll kick you.”

“do it. c’mon. do it right now.”

“fine—stop pinching my cheeks, jay! ow, ow, ow.”

“stop kicking me, then i’ll stop pinching.”

“that’s not fair! who made you the king of rules, assh-.”

“boys.”

“sorry bruce.”

“i’m sorry, B.”

“i’ll whoop your ass tomorrow.”

“I’d like to see you try, you old sack of bones.”

and with a roll of the eyes, a feathery soft kiss was pressed into dick’s forehead. a soft smile curled at dicks lips afterwards, a warm fire nestling in his heart drove the lingering hazy darkness away. dick nuzzled closer into the bed sheets as the two sets of arms encasing him only held on tighter. all curled under the fluffy bedsheets as the morning sun began to rise on the horizon, seeping through the cracks of the dark curtains as a kaleidoscope of colours painted the early morning sky.

fin.

i rlly should’ve made this longer with a little more detail but i haven’t gotten back into the groove of creative writing yet so take this with a grain of salt lmao. but anywho tysm for reading and tysm for the prompt! again i rlly wanna get back into creative writing so hopefully i’ll written sm shit? hopefully? maybe? idk? but again tysm for reading and i am so so sorry for how long this took :]!!

[oh-theatre]

You Can't Force A Fairytale (Chapter 2)

Chapter title: A Short-Lived Separation

A/n:  EEEE IM LOVE LOGICALITY?? Also, my uhh mantra is just HMM WHAT IF THEY WERE ALL FRIENDS?? God, I love them,,, oops. Anyway!! I hope you enjoy! I know how bad this is and probably super like rushed but uh enjoy and make sure to leave me comments!

also if this is confusing i understand, so please tell me and ill try and clear it out!

words: 2133

summary: Roman has buisness to attend to as the gang continue their journey. 

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, eventual demus, eventual remile (These might change but for now im love them)

warnings: bow and arrow, violence, injuries, magic, swearing, bruises, scars

Ao3 Link  

“Roman, let’s go” His father calls, Roman nods at his fencing partner, stepping away from his place. He thanks him with a nod before following his father out of the arena with a sweat towel, through the bejeweled halls. “Stop dragging your feet” He reprimands, Roman does exactly that.

“Apologies” Roman clears his throat, knowing he shouldn't mumble. Less he receives a punishing yell. “Where are we going?”

“Father, where are we going father” He corrects, Roman nods taking a mental note. “We are going to meet with some neighboring powers, it seems prince Patton has set course again” His father explains, Roman resists the urge to smile at the first news of Patton he had heard in days. “They wish to discuss with us about lending resources in exchange for something of value, I hope you learn something” They turn the corner, photos, perfectly set line the walls.

“Thank you for the opportunity father” Although he does wish he could spend his afternoon fencing and practice alongside his brother, no one had seen Remus for weeks and no one seemed to care.  Except for Patton, who promised he would find him, and now here Roman was about to destroy that. He stuffs his sword into his holster as they arrive in the grand room. Roman will always marvel as the ceilings disappear from view, too high to squint out.

“Sit” His father commands, Roman does, his back sinking comfortably into regal chairs. He fights every instinct to fidget as more people gather, talking in hushed voices to one another, simply nodding towards Roman. A hint of acknowledgment. He listens, however, the voices molded into snippets of conversation until finally, someone talks a little too close to the prince.

“I heard they caught him finally, threw the boy into the back of the carriage they did” Roman perks up, swirling his drink carefully as the snivelly voice continues. “He was with that other prince too, Prince Logan, his father was less than pleased” Logan! Roman fights an eager grin, taking a quick sip. “God only knows what they're going to do to that boy now” Roman's heart sinks below his knees, the sweat upon his forehead growing stronger. “I'm sure the King has his punishment ready”

Bingo

Roman's mind runs wild, only his assumptions in mind. Patton and Logan? Caught? What trials were they going to face now, at the dawn of the world they were on the brink. What was going to be their fight, consequence for trying to do what's right? Was it all Romans fault, no...no, no...it'll be fine. Everything will be fine.

~~~

“This is not fine!” Patton cries, shaking violently in the guards hold. “You can't just lock me away!” He argues, angry tears fall from his cheeks, staining the floor.

“I can do as I please Patton, I'm the King” The deep voice could silence a chamber of councils with his bellows. “Throw him in” He directs, the men do so allowing Patton to scuff his knees, tangling himself in his cloak.

“Please! You cant do this” He shouts, shaking at the bars that lock him into the freezing room. The King snickers before bowing out, the lights dimming as it falls silent. Patton groans, small sparks fly from his hand bouncing off the walls. He catches them playing around with the light. After a brief moment, he sprinkles them around, a calming sense falls over him.

He moves to the window, the glaring sun shining in providing the only hope of escape through the bars. Knowing this tower was made to prevent or weaken magic, Patton wasn't too hopeful. He yearns from the opening, watching the kingdom go on without him, the magic of life swirl about. He looks just across the borders, watching a sliver of another castle behind the clouds, praying maybe a little, that Logan is safe.

Once his dream ends he retreats to the slab they dare call a bed, removing his boots massaging the sores of his adventures. He undoes his cloak, hanging it on a single hook, laying down as his eyes examine the plain ceiling. Maybe something manifest, what does he have to lose?

Yeah, that last about five minutes. Patton, much to antsy, jumps towards the window once more. His fingers tracing every inch of the metal, using what small iota is left of his powers to bend them just slightly. He’s small, he can squeeze through...surely.

~~~

“Surely you've lost your mind, Logan!” His father yells, Logan scratches his ear, clearing out the sound of annoyance.

“Surely I haven't father, now may I be excused?” he requests politely, following his father graciously with his arms behind him.

“No!” His father barks “Because instead of being here doing your duties, you were off gallivanting with that...scoundrel” He seethes, Logan clutches to his wrist taking a deep breath.

“Prince Patton” he corrects, His father turns to him stopping them in their tracks. It was rather amusing the difference between the two. Logan was slim, he maintained himself. He was a lousy man, plump as he waddled grumpily through the castle halls. Logan found it hard not to laugh as he had to look down addressing the man who was supposedly in charge of him.

“You will not speak to me like such” he warns, Logan swallows his thoughts nodding. “Now we have a conference to prepare for, so shoo, go...do something of use” He excuses his son, meeting with his advisors. Logan smirks, bouncing on his heels as he races calmly upstairs. Shutting himself in his room, moving to the fountain that sprays beautifully in the corner.

“I know you're in there” He mutters searching his pockets, finally his fingers surround a circular item. He pulls it out, smiling as a shine comes from the gold coin. “Please work” He begs silently, flicking it into the water, watching as light dances around, his eyes dazed as the color pours out. Soon an image clears, and Logan's blush returns. “Patton!” He whispers, the figure turns, a giant grin as he approaches the screen.

“Lo!” Patton greets in return, his curled locks bouncing along with him. He adjusts his glasses, checking the room. “You used the coin” Patton identifies, sitting at the end of the bed.

“It worked” Logan mumbles in disbelief, his fingers itching for more. He shakes his head, focus, your time is limited. “Are you alright?” He questions

“Little bruised but mostly just bored!” Patton exclaims “They locked me atop ‘Fiona's Tower’” He informs, Logan nods listening, his eyes scan what he can see. “How are you, he didn't...hurt you did he? You got home safe?” Patton inquires, Logan eyes alight with soft affection. Patton watches from his end, wanting nothing more than to be there with him.

“Id barely call this a home” Logan scoffs, Patton bites his lower lip “But yes, the king's men got me home all in one piece” He gestures to himself, Patton smiles weakly. “Pat? Is everything truly alright?”

“Hmm?” Patton hums, he shakes off his doubts, a flashy smile returning “Yes of c-” He pauses, listening “Logan I must go! I'm so sorry, stay safe, promise?”

“Always and forever” Logan recites, his hands cross the water and as it dissolves so does Patton.

~~~

“Everything hurts” Virgil moans, his feet dragging the grass behind him “And I'm tired” He continues, Dolos nods sympathetically.

“‘Everything hurts and I'm tired’ title of your sex tape” Remus blurts, laughing before his eyes grow in confusion. “Whats a sex tape?”

“You don't...nevermind” Virgil groans shaking his head. He realizes quickly his posture over Dolos and straightens himself out, yawning as Emile simply floats ahead of them. Humming delighted as more comes to view. “Hey uhhhh Fairy godfather or whatever?” He calls out, they stop as Emile turns.

“Yes, dear Virgil?” He wonders, ascending as he plants his feathered feet into the newly green grass.

“Where exactly are we going?” Virgil asks, Dolos helping him making sure he stays upright. “Cause like, we've been walking for hours, and Dolos is tired” he nods sadly, Emile cocks his head, his flashy grin remains.

“To the people who I hope can help you…” he looks to the narrator “And Remus” He states first, looking to the figure. Remus stands, kicking the dirt below as he scratches his head. “He needs to return to his brother” Emile informs

“Roman” Remus breathes, a sappy sorrow over him.

“Who?’ Virgil questions

“Virgil's future love!” Remus narrates, quickly his eyes grow as he turns to Virgil “You touch my brother” he shakes his head, Virgil quickly hides behind Dolos

“I didn't do anything” He argues “I don't even know who Roman is!” he shouts, Emile hushes him as he listens to the crackle of leaves.

“You dare speak the prince's name in such a manner!” A voice comes from the shadows, the group closes in each facing a new way. “You will- Prince Remus?” The man stops, gesturing for the rest of his men to stop as well.

“Lucio!” The prince cries, racing forward

“What is going on here?” Lucio forces Remus behind him “Men, take them! They kidnapped the prince!”

Fucking come on! Virgil groans

~~~

“A suitor?! This is ridiculous” Patton scoffs, a furrowed pout upon his face. The King sits across from him, a scowled smirk. “Please! You mustn't do this!” He begs, standing now from his seat. The King does the same but looks to one of his advisors.

“We must prepare for the conference, take Patton to get ready” he commands. The man nods and soon Patton feels himself whisked away, dragged through the halls of the palace he once adored, stuffed into a room.

“Patton!” A woman cries he turns, his face lights up, a sweet grin.

“Val!” Patton breathes a sigh of relief, embracing the red-cloaked woman in a hug. “Oh! I missed you” He smiles pulling away, examining her every feature. “You look good, are you. No harm has come to you right?” He checks

“No! No of course not Pat” Valerie assures nodding “Im perfect as a peach” She grins, he embraces her once more before removing his cloak. He then allows Valerie to work around him, placing the ever so familiar royal garments on him.

“Oh” Patton sighs, spinning delighted in his new suit. His pants comfortable around him, a new slick cloak falls behind him dancing in a celestial blue. He feels royal, he feels himself. “I do miss this” He breathes, smoothing out the bedazzling outfit.

“Oh, I'm glad you like it!” Valerie appreciates, holding a hand over her heart. “You look perfect for the conference” A bell rings throughout “Oh, go show em whos the rightful heir to the throne” She nudges, Patton giggles nodding as he leaves. He braces himself joining them back in the throne room, Patton stands at the King's side grumbling only slightly. As the kingdoms file in, each with a toothy smile to the family Patton ducks out. He makes his way to the stables, finally arriving.

“Nork?” he whispers sweetly, a neigh in response as he bites his lower lip. “There you are” He wastes no time petting his beloved animal, the horse excited to see him. “Oh, I’m so sorry for what happened” He laments, brushing the dark hair. He stops listening as the hay below him rustles, he turns quickly his bow appearing in his hands and arrow ready in a spark of blue light. “Show yourself!”

“Patton” Logan emerges, his hands in surrender. One quick flick and away goes his weapon. He rushes forward wasting no time jumping into his arms. Logan lifts him, spinning his friend around before pulling away keeping their hands interlaced. “Are you alright?” He checks, his hands moving Patton's head.

“Better, now that you're here” Patton admits a quick spread blush. Logan averts his eyes. “Wait...why are you here?”

“The conference? I wasn't sure what it was for but almost every kingdom and the royal family is present '' Logan informs “I fear it means something detrimental for the land” Logan voices his concerns, fiddling with Patton's fingers as he's done since forever. “Is there an evil force at play?” he questions, Patton clicks his tongue cupping his hand on Logans cheek

“Come back to me Lo” he grounds the prince, a quick blink as his friend returns. “Surely if it was dark magic...we would sense it would we not?” Logan shrugs only hoping so. “Come, we should return before our punishments only further”

“Your majesties! You must return at once!” A knight presiding directs, tossing his way into the stables.

“What's the matter?” Logan pushes

“Prince Remus has returned” The knight utters one simple phrase and yet Logan and Patton crash.

[chemicalmagecraft]

The Gamer Hero, Deku Chapter 20

We were gathered back in the arena field. Midnight explained to us how the next part of the sports festival would go. For the teams who won the cavalry battle, there was the combat tournament. The rules were simple. In each fight, we had to either incapacitate our opponents or remove them from the arena. And before the tournament, there would be other games that everyone could participate in. Even the tournament combatants could attend them, but Midnight-sensei suggested we not do that, because we should conserve our stamina. That really wasn't an issue for me, but I decided not to participate in those battles because it could be unfair to the others. Before we drew lots to see our placement, Ojiro raised his hand. "I'd like to withdraw from the tournament!" he declared.

"Oh?" Midnight said. "What brought this on? You do realize you're probably going to miss out on a chance to be scouted, right?"

He grimaced. "I don't even remember the cavalry battle. I don't want to move on to the tournament if I didn't even really do anything."

"Whoa, that's so manly!" Kirishima yelled.

The other member of Team Shinsou, Nirengeki from class 1-B, raised his hand. "I'd also like to withdraw, for the same reason..."

Midnight grinned. "I like your spirit! Alright, you two are out of the tournament! Now we need to get some students to replace them!"

After that, it was agreed that Tetsutetsu Tetsutetsu and Shiozaki Ibara from 1-B would take their places. We all drew the lots, deciding who we'd fight and in what order. It was just my luck that I was in the first match against Shinsou. And then I'd probably have to face off against Todoroki after winning that...

"Midoriya, right?" someone asked me from behind. I turned to see Shinsou.

I opened my mouth to say something, but Ojiro's tail wrapped around my face before I could. "Don't say anything," he cautioned me. Shinsou snorted.

I removed Ojiro's tail from my face. "Because of his Quirk, right?" I asked. Shinsou stiffened. "If I had to guess, it's a mental Quirk. Some sort of mind control, tied to... people responding to something you say?"

He sighed. "Yeah, that's about right..."

"It sounds amazing for hero work. Too bad the entrance exam was robots, huh?"

Shinsou stared at me incredulously. "You... don't think my Quirk is villainous?"

I shrugged. "Quirks aren't really villainous. Well, if you have a sentient Quirk like Tokoyami's Dark Shadow that actively wants to be a villain then you could make that argument, but Quirks are normally controlled by the user. They're tools." I pointed at him. "If you use your Quirk for hero work then you have a hero's Quirk, and if you use your Quirk for villainy, then you have a villain's Quirk. Still, your Quirk would let you deescalate hostage situations and other villain attacks without having to fight, and even if you have to fight then there's always the possibility of a villain slipping up in the middle of battle. To be honest, I'd place a mind-controlling Quirk like yours pretty high on the list of Quirks I'd like if I didn't have mine."

Shinsou's face softened. "You know, Midoriya, you're the first person I've met who didn't call my Quirk villainous."

"You should probably sue your Quirk counselor for malpractice, then."

He chuckled, then turned around. "You're a good man, Midoriya. I won't bother you again."

"Wait." He stopped. "I think it's only fair if you know a few things about me. First, there's a pretty good chance, depending on how our Quirks work, that your Quirk won't affect me right or might even just fail to work on me."

He raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

"My Quirk, The Gamer, works somewhat along the lines of RPG logic, meaning that among other things I have passive skills that grant me various affects," I explained. "One of them is Gamer's Mind, which came with my Quirk. It says that I have immunity to psychological status effects."

"I... see."

"I mean, I'll try not to get hit by your Quirk anyway because that's very unspecific, but I just thought you should know. I also have two other passives I think you should know about, Physical Endurance and Damage Reduction."

"So let me guess, physical attacks are useless on you."

"Not useless, but they do so little that to you it might as well be. Magical attacks aren't included in Physical Endurance, so comparatively speaking that's my weakness."

He sighed. "I guess I know what I'll be doing during the break."

I Observed him. "You have affinity for the sonic element, by the way. I'm guessing it's either because of your voice-based Quirk, or if any of your relatives have a more traditional sound Quirk, or maybe both?"

"So I have sound magic?" he asked. I nodded. "Good to know. Thanks, Midoriya."

"Was that really a good idea?" Ojiro asked after he walked away.

"Even with what I told him, he's probably not going to beat me, considering our stats and abilities," I said. "And if he displays more than just dependence on a powerful supporting Quirk, then he's more likely to get in the hero program."

"I guess..."

xoxoxo

"Seriously, are you two fucking dating yet?" Kacchan asked Tsu and Uraraka now that we were in the stands watching the pre-tournament game.

"What makes you think that?" Tsu asked, blushing slightly.

Kacchan raised an eyebrow. "Fucking seriously?"

Uraraka hid her blush behind Tsu's hair. It was easy to do, between Tsu having a lot of hair and the fact that Tsu was literally sitting on Uraraka's lap and snuggling up against her. "In my defense, I like body heat because I'm a frog," Tsu muttered.

Kacchan shrugged. "Sure, why not?" He then turned his attention back to me. He knocked on his seat in the passcode, so I invited him to my party.

acridThermogenesis: hey dont be mad

acridThermogenesis: but i may or may not have eavespropped on your conversation with half and half

acridThermogenesis: *eavesdropped

acridThermogenesis: what the actual fuck is my name deku

I sighed. I really should have noticed him. Actually, one of my elementals should have told me he was there.

conjuringGamer: Don't eavesprop on other people's private conversations, Kacchan!

conjuringGamer: This is your punishment!

acridThermogenesis: oh fuck you and your stupid references

conjuringGamer: How, exactly, do you get what this is a reference to anyway?

acridThermogenesis: fuck

acridThermogenesis: you

acridThermogenesis: and why the fuck did you never tell me that you were related to the ex number two hero

conjuringGamer: WDTAU

acridThermogenesis: the fuck

conjuringGamer: We Don't Talk About Undertow

acridThermogenesis:

acridThermogenesis: fair enough

acridThermogenesis: and in my defense

acridThermogenesis: half and half has been glaring at you for gucking ever

acridThermogenesis: 8fucking

acridThermogenesis: **fucking

acridThermogenesis: fuck why cant i type today

conjuringGamer: You do realize you used to be worse to me, right?

conjuringGamer: And I can certainly handle myself against Todoroki in a fight, if that's what you were worried about.

conjuringGamer: Or I could've just ran with Illusion Barrier.

acridThermogenesis: shit i dont know man

acridThermogenesis: stop busting my nub or whatever the fuck trolls say

acridThermogenesis: im sorry

acridThermogenesis: fuck it ill say it without the stupid accent so you know im serious

acridThermogenesis: I'm sorry, Deku.

conjuringGamer: Don't worry, I forgive you.

conjuringGamer: I was just messing with you.

acridThermogenesis: WELL DUCK YOU THEN

acridThermogenesis: fuck

acridThermogenesis *FUCK

I chuckled a bit. Annoying Kacchan was fun sometimes.

Uraraka Ochako: Um.

Hatsume Mei: Well this is awkward

Tokoyami Fumikage: I Think You 4cawt To 4emove Us 4om 4 Pa4ty, Mid4iya.

"Duck," Kacchan muttered.

"What?" Tsu asked. Uraraka snickered, then spat out a long strand of green hair.

xoxoxo

I walked down the corridor to the stadium. It was time for the first match. I took a deep breath, then felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned around to see All Might in his emaciated form. "Good luck, young Midoriya."

I nodded. "Thank you, All Might." I turned back to the opening and walked into the stadium.

"AND ON ONE SIDE," Mic-sensei shouted over the roar of the crowd, "WE HAVE THE KING OF MAGIC, MIDORIYA IZUKU!" I walked up to the stage and saw Shinsou emerge from the other side of the stadium. "AND ON THE OTHER, WE HAVE THE ONLY STUDENT FROM GEN ED TO MAKE IT TO THE THIRD ROUND! MASTER OF THE MIND, SHINSOOOOU HITOSHI!" I looked at Shinsou's level.

Give 'Em Hell, Kid

LV 19

Shinsou Hitoshi

"No hard feelings, right Midoriya?" he asked me. I shook my head, careful not to talk. To be honest I was looking forward to seeing what he'd thought of for me.

"WITHOUT FURTHER ADO, LET'S START!"

Shinsou smirked. The roar of the crowd died away, replaced by a ringing in my ears. He started to walk forward, and I heard the sound of his footsteps over the ringing. It was very loud, almost like the sound was reverberating all around me. Before I could react, I felt like all my sense of balance was lost, and I had an extreme feeling of nausea. I clutched my stomach, trying my best not to topple over. "Neat, huh?" he asked me, his voice amplified like the sound of his footsteps. I grimaced. My head was swimming. "I got the idea from my mother's Quirk. She can disturb people's inner ears with the sound of her voice, making them disoriented. I figured I could mimic that with sound magic. Judging from your reaction, I did pretty well."

I braced myself on an air platform and gathered my thoughts. It looked like he was taking his time moving because he had to concentrate on the spell, but it seemed like he was starting to get more comfortable, so that might change soon. Tactician told me that the effect the spell had on me manifested in the status effect Dizzy. I used Healing Hands on my head, causing the nausea and balance loss to fade. The ringing stayed, though. It felt more like it was the medium for Dizzy than a part of it. "Sonia," I thought.

"No use, Izuku," she replied. "Can't work with magic sound."

"Yeah, I figured it wouldn't be that easy." I kept up the Healing Hands with my left hand, though I knew that that meant I couldn't use it for any magic aside from the healing spell.

"It looks like you figured out a way around that. I wonder if you can keep it up while fighting me, though." He raised his hand and snapped his fingers at me. I Flash Stepped out of the way of the resulting shockwave thanks to the improved reaction time my high DEX gave me, but crashed into the ground when I was struck with Dizzy again in midair. I groaned. Flash Stepping shouldn't have caused Healing Hands to fail... "Looks like your healing spell can't keep up with it when you go that fast."

"That's probably it," I muttered as I started to get up. I noticed my mistake when the ringing in my ears stopped. For a second I felt very faint, like I was about to pass out. I almost fell back down. The feeling passed after a second, with a popup saying that the status effect Brainwashed had failed to affect me because of Gamer's Mind. "Ah."

Shinsou smirked. "So you are immune to my Quirk, but it still stuns you for a second." The ringing returned, and with it Dizzy. I noticed that my Healing Hands had slipped when Shinsou tried to use his Quirk on me. I put them back up, keeping both hands up this time.

"Limit Break!" I shouted, the glow of my Healing Hands getting brighter. "Healing Fists!" I jumped at Shinsou.

"Wait, what?" Shinsou said, then just barely managed to duck out of the way of my punch. The effort broke the spell, making my hearing return to normal. "Right, that's it." He took a deep breath and screamed at me with sonic magic. The shockwave hit me dead-on, blowing me back a bit even though I'd braced myself. I retaliated with a blast of wind strong enough to blow him to the edge of the arena. With a small gesture, I had Dune shift the ground under him, dumping him out of bounds. "Dammit."

"THE MATCH IS OVER!" Mic-sensei shouted. "Man, what was up with Midoriya? Did he eat a bad omelette or something?"

"If I had to guess, Shinsou did something," Aizawa-sensei said. "He either found a new use for his Quirk or made some sort of disorienting spell."

"If it was magic, wouldn't there have been some sorta glow?"

"Not all magic glows, Mic. You know this. You've literally used non-glowing magic."

I walked over to Shinsou. "Sorry about that," I said as I offered him my hand.

He took it and pulled himself up. "I'll consider it payback for the ear assault. Speaking of which, how're your ears? Would probably suck if I deafened you."

I gave him a thumbs-up. "I'm good, thanks to my Healing Hands. Though you might want to test it again with me or Shuzenji-sensei around, if you're really worried about that."

He nodded. "Probably a good idea."

xoxoxo

After making sure that Shinsou wasn't hurt from when I knocked him down, I went back to the section of the stands where class 1-A was supposed to sit. Ojiro was waiting for me by the door. "Midoriya!" he shouted. "Are you okay?"

I grinned. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Deku!" Kacchan shouted from his seat. "The fuck was that?"

"Shinsou can use sonic magic now," I told him, then sat down next to him. "What you saw was him wreaking havoc on my inner ears."

"Damn." He chuckled. "So that was probably more difficult than your next fight's gonna be."

"What do you mean be that?"

Kacchan snorted. "We both know that between your ungodly physical defense and your elemental magic, the only person in the tournament who can match you in a straight fight is me, maybe also Uraraka but I'm gonna fucking destroy her. Half'n'half-"

"His name is Todoroki," I reminded him.

Kacchan rolled his eyes. "Todoroki might come close if he actually applies himself, but all he's really done is throw ice around. I'm guessing from what we already know about magic and Quirks that while Half'n'half's Quirk has ice magic acting to freeze shit, the ice itself isn't magical, meaning you can use an elemental on it easy. And even if not, can he really fucking put up with your bullshit as well as I can?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right..."

"And even though Tape Dispenser-"

"Sero."

"-might have a chance of winning against Half'n'half, can he even do a fucking thing to you?"

I thought about that for a moment. "It's probably arrogant of me to say that there's no way for him to beat me, but it isn't really likely, is it?"

"No fucking chance of that happening. Now shut up, the match is about to start."

Todoroki and Sero walked into the arena. As soon as the match started, Sero shot tape at Todoroki, wrapping him up. It looked like he was about to throw him, but...

Todoroki, without even moving, created the biggest wall of ice I'd ever seen with his Quirk, obstructing my view of the arena. It was so big that it cast a shadow over half the stadium, and Mifuyu told me the ice actually extended far above the top of the stadium. I scowled, my breath fogging up from how close the ice was to my face. "Kacchan," I ordered.

"Right." He summoned Pyra, and they started warming up the suddenly very cold area with light streams of fire. "You might wanna keep the water from drippin' on anyone, Tsu," Kacchan suggested.

Tsu just shivered and sluggishly buried her head in Uraraka's chest. "K-kero..." Uraraka wrapped her arms around her gently.

"Fuck. Right, you're a frog..." Kacchan sighed, then sent a few more flame strings around Tsu. "Deku, can you leave your water elemental here?"

I nodded, summoned Rayne, then slapped the metal railing meant to prevent us from falling onto the field. A microsecond's worth of Lightning Embodiment later, and I was on the other side of the railing and far enough to the left that I didn't crash face-first into ice. I stormed up to the arena, but looked toward Midnight before actually getting up on it. She was iced over...

"G-g-go r-right ahead, M-M-Midoriya," she shivered. I nodded and summoned Mifuyu and Blaise, who started helping Midnight, then stomped over to Todoroki.

"That was excessive, even for you!" I shouted, then shoved him away from Sero, who he was trying to melt out of the ice. With a gesture, I ejected him from the ice, grabbed him, then started warming him up. I checked up his sleeves and pant legs with probably a little more force than was actually necessary to make sure he didn't have any frostbite, then turned back to Todoroki when Blaise took over warming Sero up. "You do realize that your ice can kill, right?" He looked remorseful. Good.

"I was going to thaw him..."

I sighed. "I don't just mean Sero."

He tilted his head. "What?"

I stared at him incredulously for a moment before waving my hand in the general direction of the giant iceberg in the middle of the stadium.

"I'm aware that I used a bit too much force, but I made sure to stop the ice before it reached the audience."

"And if you didn't?" I demanded. "If you overdid it so much as a bit more, then people would have died. Hell, if anyone in the audience has a Quirk that makes them more susceptible to the cold, then they could be going into shock as we speak! I've got an elemental keeping an eye on Tsu, and Kacchan's keeping everyone warm, but that's still an issue!"

Todoroki blinked. "Oh."

"Why did you do that?"

"I was annoyed from talking to my father, and I took it out on Sero. I apologize."

I clenched my fist. "Limit Break: Sublimation," I intoned. My arm buzzed with One for All, and steam rose from it. Without even looking away from Todoroki, I swung my arm back, shattering the iceberg into powder with a combination of ice magic and sheer force. The powder was quickly vaporized by the vapor magic I'd also put into my punch. "I sympathize with you Todoroki, I really do. But if this is the way you're going to act then I'm going to beat you." With that said, I turned around and walked through the mist I'd created to get back to my seat. With DEX only a little out of human bounds, I vaulted up the wall to the stands, nimbly pivoting on the railing and landing back in the chair I was sitting in before.

"Damn, Deku," Kacchan whistled.

"How's Tsu?" I asked Uraraka.

Uraraka stroked Tsu's hair gently. "Tsu-chan fell asleep. Should I wake her?"

I shook my head. "It's probably best to let her sleep, at least for now." I turned back to Kacchan and Observed him. "Do you need me to restore your MP?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Normally I wouldn't take you up on that, but I've seen Uraraka training and I'm pretty sure that if she was one hundred percent and I wasn't then I would fucking lose."

Uraraka beamed. "Wow, Kacchan! That was basically a compliment! And it wasn't backhanded or anything."

Kacchan rolled his eyes, though he had a small grin on his face. "Fuck you, Round Face."

[spirits-metaphysics-witchcraft]

HTH 3.26.19

⚪️notes: didn’t hear as many individual voices are usual nor anything as specific as what i usually do. but did have some interesting happenings.

⚪️it started out mainly with hearing accents and different voices but not being able to make out what they were saying. for example, i heard a lot of southern drawl last night but could never make out any words from those voices.

⚪️all the speech from various voices and accents i heard that i couldn’t make out did speak a lot more than usual though. normally i hear short phrases or snippets of convo, but wth those voices, i heard them speak a lot longer though i couldn’t make any of it out.

⚪️had a song stuck in my head (like usual) and that seemed to influence a voice. heard them repeat a lyric back to me. “who’s the man”

⚪️everything written about above were voices that i came to realize probably manifested from myself. i don’t believe these were from outside sources. idk, there was just too much me in them.

⚪️i also noticed- after becoming a bit too self aware again- noticed that my brain seems to be split in a way. there is my consciousness and then there’s this other part of me i call the Assistant. she sounds a bit like me in sense. she’s feminine, bubbly, energietic, and focuses on tasks. she does what assistants do- work for others. i became aware of her when my conscious brain was trying to make sense of everything. as it tried to understand what was happening, the assistant became very sensitive to any direction my mind even became curious about wandering in and then would proceed to say stuff like “okay, on it!” and then she would narrate the work that she was doing inside my head. became vaguely aware of her the night before last but finally became conscious of her last night.

⚪️then, i started to hear voices and sounds seperate from me.

⚪️i heard a male voice, so quiet and soft because it was so far away, trying explaining something to someone else (someone i couldn’t hear). “...early music.” cant tell if it was related to the song i was singing in my head or not.

⚪️then i heard a really young girl, so young she couldn’t really form proper words. just heard her babbling.

⚪️then, “OH MY GOSH! THATS MY [‘dead’ or ‘ex’] DAD!” (seemed surprised, like someone showed her a magic trick. no frightened tone in her voice.)

⚪️then, because i was pretty conscious and was hearing “outside” voices, i decided to ask a question about the Vord.

⚪️“Show me my definition of the vord” I commanded.

⚪️then, not missing a beat, this metallic, foreign, creepy machine (but as the same not really machine-like? more like it had a mask on of sorts) responsed. “Vord will be consisted of...” and then it faded away and i couldn’t make out what it was saying.

⚪️interesting notes to point out about the vord thing:

⚪️that voice said “Vord” while i typically say “the Vord”. maybe it’s not that important, but thought to note.

⚪️was definitely not from me. had no trace of “me” in it while most of the other voices last night did.

⚪️masked??? sounded masked, like who the Vord Queen looks in the picture in last log. weird. can’t tell if that’s my mind making a preconceived idea of the voice or not, but interesting.

⚪️seemed to fade away quicker than most voices i heard last night but was also the clearest.

⚪️unrelated to the Vord, during the early middle of the session, i heard someone ask me directly, using my name, if i have been to Japan. i think i was thinking about japan when they asked.

⚪️interesting session last night. also believe i’m starting to ever so faintly pick up on voices with practiced hypnagogic states during the day and even rarely when i’m not trying to hear them

⚪️checked out the first book that series that the vord come from

[rhapsody-in-heaven]

The Diary of Losing You

Day One

I cant believe it, never did we ever talk about breaking up before this .. and now all of a sudden its happening. I cant process it. I cant accept it. Sure, we’ve had fights but I never felt like they were toxic. We never got to that point - we weren’t even close to that point. Was I too stubborn? Did you not like that? Because no matter how much I begged and bargained - you kept telling me, it was over. That you didnt have to explain things to me but you were doing it out of courtesy. But its hard to accept - not only because it was so sudden but because you told me you still liked me - and god knows, i still like you. You told me, you couldnt change and you knew that about yourself and honestly, I kind of admire that. I havent had a lot of boyfriends but the first one I had to accept cuz he stopped liking me - the other two were long over by the time we broke up - there was resentment in our relationship but we didnt know how to let go - so we kept holding on - even when it got so toxic and even when it was obvious we were much better off without each other. But its still hard. Why don’t you think we’re worth a second chance. i didnt even think it was so bad that it needed to be classified as a second chance - just that we were still trying to figure out the kinks with the first one. Even when I told you that if the same situation happens even one more time, you could break up w me - even if it was two weeks later - i wouldnt complain. But you told me that in that case you would just break up with me two weeks later because for you, the relationship was already over. You didnt think we were worth a second chance and that hurts a lot.  I spent hours begging you to reconsider - knowing that you wouldnt - but i still had to try. and then I spent hours after talking to two friends and crying my heart out to them. all i could think about was all the plans we made that would no longer come to pass. I questioned myself if I was missing the thing wed do together or miss you and yeah at that time i was grieving our breakup but grieving more the things that would no longer come to pass. Im used to seeing you once every three weeks but three weeks werent up yet and it still felt relatively normal i guess. but the fact that I also knew the sadness would hit when the three weeks were up also scared me.  sleep was my solace - when i sleep, i dont need to think anymore.  Day Two teaching as usual but then in the times i didnt have to actively teach - i could feel the tears forming in my eyes but its okay, i dont think anyone noticed. but then we had a break between classes and i started to talk to another friend and then i couldnt stop crying. crying so loud that my coteacher heard it and asked what was wrong, and of course needing to explain things out loud with my voice made it that much worse. I could pull myself together for when i was actually teaching the class but - i still miss everything about you. I had my sixth grade class and I was so happy. They were my worst class last year but they did so well on this exercise we thought they would have trouble with - and they did, but with some help they managed to finish, and they did well. The first person i wanted to talk to was you. I felt like all i ever did was complain in our relationship I really wanted to give you the good news. And you were nice enough that you listened to me, and told me that even before, just hearing from me was good news. and that felt incredibly bittersweet. before leaving school my coteacher told me to feel better but all i could think was that i missed you. I had dinner plans that night but they got cancelled - I called my cousin and he talked to me for hours just listening to me cry - and then talk about life - and listening to me cry again. He told me that you probably didnt like the way we communicated and decided to end it before it gets harder later on. I can respect that I said, but its too soon to call it quits - we never even tried. To him, I just wasnt worth trying.  Day Three teaching kept me busy for most of the morning - i didnt have much time to think about you. but after lunch, the sadness began to manifest itself again. I dont think anyone noticed, or maybe they pretended not to. but I started to think back on the times before you moved away. Before we were long distance or even a couple. How you were so good to me. How you made me food. How you stayed with me when i was sad and i just have so many regrets I wasnt adquately able to tell you how i felt about you. How i was constantly unsure about myself but how when you did ask me out, you told me that it was okay that i didnt know - it was okay if i was never able to say i love you because you could feel that saying “love” signified a very strong emotion for me that i wasnt sure i ever felt before, and even with just me saying “like” you knew and could tell that my feelings for you were really deep. Why is it that you miss them so much more when theyre gone? Why do i feel like I shouldve treated you better i shouldve done more and thought of you more and expressed my feelings to you better. but hindsight is always 20/20. I went to pole and then to see my friends at night. we went to karaoke and at this point only one of the two friends knows because i didnt wanna ruin the birthday celebrations coming up of the one who didnt know. Well we were singing “payphone” and she said that we were singing it like someone had broken our hearts and all i could do was pretend to laugh. For the record, I dont think u broke my heart. or i dont blame you. i just wish things ended differently - i wish we were worth another shot in your mind. But all of this, is just wishful thinking. And i know that.

Day Four

its the weekend, and the day we celebrate her birthday. its a rainy day and somehow every little thing reminds me of you. I havent felt like this after a break up in a long time - im not sure if ive ever felt like this after a break up at all. My last two were long over before we ended things and the one before that was the definition of puppy love - sure i thought about him, and maybe its because its been so long but i dont remember every little thing reminding me of him. The rain reminds me of you. I saw a couple walking under an umbrella and remembered that you bought this hella big and expensive umbrella so that we could share it together in the rain. when I was at the aquarium all i could think about was how nice it would be if i was there with you. I saw a boat and i could just think about your job and how youre a shipbuilding engineer. Even looking at myself in the mirror, i thought about how you bought a jean jacket so we could match. I thought about the white tennis shoes we wanted to buy so we could match together when a friend mentioned she needed new white shoes. I thought of all the cute little cafes you took me to when we went to eat a cafe. my friend said she wanted to go to a marsh she saw in my photos - the very same one you took me to. we went to a coin karaoke place and the first time i ever went to one was with you. and sometimes i didnt need a reminder - my mind would just wander and i would remember things i didnt even know I remembered. the time when we fought about women in the workforce and your industry in the cafe and at the car. how when i asked if you were still mad at me you said that you wish you said “oh maybe i am a little bit, but ill make a lot of money and buy u a nice purse” to defuse the situation instead of getting mad. How our very first date lasted two nights and three days. How you couldnt spend my birthday w me but spent valentines w me the next day. The night you asked me to be your girlfriend - and how scared but also how happy i was. How you always took me to so many places. How i always could complain to you and you would always listen w patience - how i just wanted you back - how i wanted you to hold me and tell me it was a mistake - that you didnt really wanna break up w me that you thought about it and you wanna try again.  but i also know, its wishful thinking and i know, that you wont come back to me.  Day Five No plans. it’s still raining. No reason to go out. Can’t find the will to clean my apartment thats getting messier and dirtier by the day. I just want to lie in bed. I’ve been swiping on tinder and talking to some ppl - not to find a rebound but just to talk to people - to feel less - lonely? dejected? idk. but it doesnt really work - it feels like a lot of effort that I cant give. Were conversations always this hard? i feel like ours were so easy. And then i start to think again. all the promises we made. You said you would still try to be friends with me. Can we still do the little things? even before we went out you said u would take me skiing in the winter - is that still on? you told me you would buy me a hanbok - how about that? will you still take me? I keep asking why its over for you. why another chance will never happen. but the whole day, i just lie in bed. I cant bring myself to do anything. I keep searching up things like how long it should take to get over you - but at the same time im not sure i want to. Its not over for me yet even if its over for you. I guess, im feeling all the beginning stages of grief at once. Shock and Denial - i know its over - my head knows it - my head knows that you wont take me back or give us another go but my heart still has that false hope. my heart doesnt want to give you up. Guilt and Pain - well the pain is self explanatory but the guilt - i just keep wondering if this was my fault. if I was too unwilling to change - or didnt know i needed to change until i realized u were serious when you said you were thinking of breaking up w me - if i never said “how about we just never talk again” in anger and sadness, would we have gotten to this point? Anger and Bargaining - im not really angry - i mean i dont think this was your fault or mine but i guess i am kind of upset at the fact that you dont think we’re worth a second shot. anything we argued about, even if it spanned across a couple of days, has never come up again. and this was the first time this particular issue came up so why could we both make steps and amends to keep this from happening. are we both too stubborn? but i was willing and it felt like you werent. you told me that even ur past gfs have said that sometimes they didnt feel like they really had a choice and it wasnt just me. so im assuming that this is something youre eventually going to have to fix for yourself or you find a girl whos okay with that - but you also said you didnt want a gf or a wife that was like a doll who just agreed w everything you said. so this just means to me that youre not willing to try and change. honestly, if youre aware of it, it shouldnt be a hard fix but you already made up your mind that you werent going to do it. in reality i just wasnt the one you were willing to make those steps towards. and that is where my sadness and anger come from. now bargaining - im really willing to make changes and kind of the biggest testament i can give to that is that if we could be together again, i could quit that game ive been playing for 2 years cold turkey. For whatever reason, you never liked me playing that game and if it means i could have you back, i would gladly get rid of it. as for the other things - i promise i wont pressure to be with you longer cuz i know your tired - now i know youre tired. because you never told me before. Im sorry i dont like to lose arguments and i get defensive - i know i need to communicate better too. but i just really miss you and it kills me that we never even gave it a chance. yes, maybe youre right and things wont change and i know you think youre doing me a favour by ending this sooner rather than later but it kills me more that we never tried. Depression Loneliness and Reflection - self explanatory maybe im not fully in this stage yet but I do realize that the bargaining is not going to work even if i hope that it would.  it isnt over to me and to be honest, im not sure i want to get over you yet, even tho i know i should. Day Six

a monday. i asked you yesterday if we could talk and you said you were busy. I’m sure even tho i know your answer, i will ask you today if you would reconsider. im sorry if this puts pressure on you but i think its also necessary that i know I at least tried for my own sanity instead of letting this go. I’m going to tell you everything ive been thinking the last several days just to get it out. and yes, there is still that false hope that you’ll take me back and when that’s crushed i will probably inevitably cry again. I’m not sure if talking to you so soon is the right answer, if later would give me a clearer head. but my heart is telling me that i need to ask you to reconsider now and not later - if only for the confirmation - that nail on the coffin, that we’re really not happening anymore. I asked you when you had time and you said 10pm. So after work, i go home and i write down everything i want to talk to you about - at least everything i can think of at the time of writing much of which i talked about here already - how i thank you for loving me and all the things you did for me, how i still hope youll keep ur promise about buying me a hanbok, about a possible snowboard trip, about my stages of grief - my denial, my anger, the bargaining, how it wasnt just you who needed to change but i do think you will eventually need to change for someone - that i was sad it wasnt me. how i wish you told me about the stresses of your job so id be more understanding, how you were the first guy i thought i could say i love you to. how im not good at this cuz my last two and only serious relationships ended long before we called it off but right now i still feel like i was starting to like you more and more. how u know to break it off now because it would hurt more for me later and you no longer wanted to see me cry but for me second chances and trying is important - which is why im bargaining with you even tho i know you will say no. i need to know i did everything I could. that im sad we didnt meet earlier and have a more stable realtionship and maybe it woulda worked out - that i was sad you had to move for your job because if you were still here things wouldve worked out differently. but i dunno - i hope youll listen with as open a mind as u can, really think about it before you reject me and ill know i did everything i could. 

[nyancheetosmusical]

BMC Orphan AU

Heck my dudes I’m supposed to be studying rn BUT I really wanted to share with you this random lil AU @justpidgance and I came up with.

Basically, Jeremy’s parents die or leave him or something when he was very young (Like 4-5 ish). But before they go, they get him to take a Squip, in the hopes that at least somebody will be there to take care of their son.

Below the cut is a copy-paste dump of ideas we had. Enjoy!

So like, Jeremy is an orphan, and he gets a Squip when he's a lil kid (like his parents knew they weren't going to be around so they got him one). And the Squip, raises Jeremy, which is pretty hard when you're not corporeal. But like he leads Jeremy places and he basically helps him live on the street, but like he's a little kid so he just thinks that it's a parent.

Like the Squip leads Jeremy under a bridge and helps him find stuff to build a small "home"

And he is always checking what places are giving free food and stuff

Sometimes he'll play "games" with Jeremy like "try to throw the rock onto the bridge right....now!" And he does and the rock (just like the Squip calculated) gets stuck in the wheels of a bike which is delivering pizza, and the bike crashes and a pizza flies off the bridge, and Jeremy catches it and look! Food for a couple days!

At night he tells him stories to help him sleep

And uses his abilities to help regulate his body temperature and stuff so he doesn't wake up

But the worst part is that the Squip can't touch Jeremy. And Jeremy wants to have someone to hold

So the Squip figured that he can stimulate nerves so if feels as if Jeremy is holding something

He isn't but it feels like it

And Jeremy is honestly really happy

Like yeah life is kinda hard but the Squip is able to determine his moods and help him

School? Why go there if you have a supercomputer in your brain?

The squip tried real hard to get Jer enrolled but he has none of his legal stuff. Like Jeremy is technically not a person. And he wants him in school bc free meals and safety for 7 hours of the day. But he cant

If only Jeremy could make a friend...

MICHAEL MAKES AN ENTRANCE

Okay tbh the only reason I thought of this AU is bc I have "Be the Hero" from Big Fish stuck in my head and I really wanted the Squip to sing it to Jeremy and I needed a situation, and here we are. It's like all the stories he tells Jeremy, as well as his hopes that Jeremy can survive

https://youtu.be/bHoNw263X50 

AND THE SQUIP IS ABLE TO BRING JEREMY'S IMAGINATION TO LIFE 

Random HCs

The squip taking Jeremy to a b-day party at the park and joins in. And the parents there are like, “the more the merrier” so it’s all cool. Plus, he gets to make new friends and have cake !

Whenever Jeremy does something good, the squip would play a clapping sound.

The Squip, on a regular basis, to feed Jeremy, takes him to vending machines and hacks them. he tries to get the healthiest food for him, so his body has the nutrients it needs, but one time he couldn't say no to them puppy dog eyes and gets Jeremy a poptart. Jeremy has never had a poptart before. The Squip takes him to a vent behind a store where hot air is coming out: “Hey, put the poptarts on the vent.” Jeremy has warm poptarts. "WOAh, THIS IS LIKE....so yummy." IF YOUR HUGS WERE A FOOD, THEY'D BE THIS!”

SQUIP FINDING WAYS TO TAKE JEREMY TO PLACES HE ALWAYS DREAMED OF GOING FOR HIS BDAY

SQUIP TELLING JER BEDTIME STORIES WHEN HE'S SCARED

SQUIP ENCOURAGES JER TO MAKE FRIENDS, SO HE MEETS MICHAEL

SQUIP MAKING JOKES ABOUT JERS INSANELY GROWING HEIGHT

SQUIP WANTS HIM TO MAKE FRIENDS WITH A PERSON WHO IS ECONOMICALLY MORE WELL OFF

BUT JER LIKES MICHAEL SO MUCH

But like won't michael's parents get suspicious?

This kid keeps coming over and he has no parents...

AND HIJACKS TWO PEOPLE ALSO WITH SQUIPS AND THEY COME AND PRETEND TO BE HIS PARENTS

and the Squip can't be out with him (cause Squip is always vvisibly manifested with Jer) so he just has to play along

And afterwards when Jer is alone the Squip is like "is everything alright?"

"...why don't I have a mom and a dad like Michael?"

"....I....I don't know, Jeremy"

and the Squip feels kind of bad, cause he realizes that even though he's doing his best he can never be parents

Jeremy is sitting there and drawing in the dirt and he just says: "I'm glad I have you then."

OXYTOCIN IS A HORMONE IN THE BRAIN THAT IS RELEASED WHEN A PARENT HOLD THEIR CHILD (ESPECIALLY AFTER CHILDBIRTH) IN BOTH BRAINS THAT STIMULATES BONDING

SO THE SQUIP IS TRYING TO RAISE JEREMY NORMAL

SO WHENEVER HE "TOUCHES" HIM

HE STIMULATES THE RELEASE OF OXYTOCIN

SO THAT JEREMY CAN FORM A BOND WITH HIM

(sorry about the all caps there I really love science and got excited about it)

The Squip’s visible form (only visiblle to Jeremy btw) after a while starts to manifests physicla traits Jeremy has in order to further develop their bond; like freckles, same eye color, body build.

Jeremy’s outfit in BMC (stripe shirt, blue jacket, etc) is a version of what his Squip wears.

Swimming HCS:

Squip sneaks him to a kiddo pool at some public place (so there's lifeguards in case) and they just have a fun time. and jer giggles as he tries out his attempts, and the squip finds it adorable. these sessions take place once or twice a week, and finally at some point jer Is able to swim a bit and hold his breath under water

Jer is learning how to swim with help from the squip, but since this is very new he has a very hard time with it. and at one point, jer just starts sinking deeper into the pool and starts coughing and the squip begins to panic. and there's nothing he can really do to help, and he just screams in jers head to try to swim towards the edge of the pool. and that doesn't work, so he tries to take control of jers body but he's loosing connection because of what's happening to Jeremy.

Luckily, a lifeguard dives in and gets jer to safety. but in this moment the squip starts to think he's dangerous for Jeremy-he realizes how little help he really is for jeremy. he needs somebody who'll actually be there for him rather than something as useless as a voice.

Imagine the Squip being so nervous that Jeremy might be taken into an orphanage and he might not be able to leave; the Squip knows that things might not go well. So as soon as Jeremy comes to, the Squip takes over his body and pumps him full of adrenaline and RUNS. Once they're safe, he lets Jeremy in and Jeremy is so tired. Also, a little scared of the Squip

And the Squip wonder if maybe an orphanage would be better than him

The squip convinces jer to go to a vending machine as an apology, and gets Jeremy poptarts AND skittles cause Jeremy has always wanted skittles and the Squip apologizes a lot. And even asks him: “Do you want someone to take care of you that's not me? I....I can't always be there for you.”

But Jer is just quiet, and the Squip is sad cause he thinks the answer is yes. The squip really wants to like comfort him, but he doesn't want to pressure him. So instead, sometimes, to make Jer feel better he'll release oxytocin or dopamine or other hormonesor serotonin I forgot that one

to help him feel better.Also, he wants to "touch" him,  but this is a choice Jeremy has to make on his own. And Jeremy is eating his skittles, and he picks up one and show it to the Squip:

Jer:  "Look at this letter!"

Squip:  "...that's an s."

Jer: "Uh-huh! I love all things that start with the letter S!"

Squip:  "....what-"

Jer: "Skittles, sea horses, socks, and Squips!"

And the squip melts a little

Squip: "Jeremy, are you sure? You saw what I did to you today, didn't that make you afraid?"

Jer: "Well, it did, and it was really scary, but....you did it because you love me, right?"

Squip: "Y-yeah...."

Jer: "So I forgive you! You we're just trying to help. And you even said sorry and got me skittles!:

Squip: "....what on earth did I do to deserve you."

Jer: "that's a silly thing to say! Oh, look at this, they're all in the rainbow order!"

The Squip in public with Jeremy:

It has to be like "Listen, Jeremy, you're not allowed to talk about me in front of other people, okay?"

"but why not?"

"don't worry about it, okay? And remember, what do we say when someone asks about your parents?"

"uhm....Oh yeah! They live just down the street!"

"Perfect! Alright, we can go to the park now."

"Yay! Can you play the drum song?"

"If you skip to the beat, then yes"

The squip uses powers of internet to play song and Jer skips to the park. To anyone watching, it's just a kid having a good time, running to the park.

And then @justpidgance and I had to torture each other with angst

Jeremy going to the hospital and the doctors find the squip and remove it, and Jer wakes up all alone, no parents or squip coming for him.

So he has to figure out what a squip WAS and either save up money for one or steal it and take it again.WAIT, THE MOST HORRIBLE PART: NOW HE'S A TEENAGER,  THE SQUIP IS DIFFERENT, IT JUST WANTS HIM TO BE POPULAR. So now he has the only person he thought he loved in his brain telling himm how horrible he is

The Squip used to stimulates shocks to allow Jeremy to ‘feel him’, but the new squip doesn’t do that. So purposely, Jeremy slouches or does something stupid so the new squip can shock him. Even if it hurts, he needs to have that feeling again.

The squip telling him to stop expecting love and compassion from him:

"I'm a supercomputer, not your parents"

"how did you even survive out here as long as you did?"

"....it was you"

"well if it was I must have done a pretty terrible job, I mean look at you?!"

"....you told me I was just right the way I am...."

"Well I must have been faulty, because you are not.

AND THE SQUIP PICKS UP ON THIS PRETTY QUICK. SO HE WILL, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE SAY SOMETHING NICE OR MAKE JEREMY FEEL GOOD

“....well done, Jer-Bear.”

“!!! Th-thank you so much!”

“Stop smiling, your teeth are not fixed and it makes you look very unappealing.”

“R...right. Sorry.”

“Let’s go.”

JUST SO JEREMY KEEPS LISTENIN’  BECAUSE JEREMY JUST HOPES OLD SQUIP WILL COME BACK

[intothespideyverses]

what I imagine going down next season (as a result of everything that happened in sesson 3) warning for discussion of suicide/self-harm:

SHINY

-ok since the whole sex subplot was never really resolved (they SAID they talked but we didnt see shit so) I think this would be a good time to introduce ace!Shay. Now another part of me would also like for shiny to have sex just so esme could stop fucking with m'daughter's head but shay seemed way too opposed to the idea of sex in general (and not in a nervous way, but in a "why would I ever have sex?" kinda way). And maybe once Shay's comfortable with being ace she can just deck esme right in the nose idc idc idc she had it coming! Fuck a $230 skirt bih! Tiny would be weirded out and probably disappointed at first but bc he’s literally the perfect bf he'd come around eventually. Hopefully they could highlight that there are ways to be intimate in a relationship w/o having sex. I just want shiny happiness and for people (lola up until she apologized, esme) to stop going out of their way to make shay feel so insecure and then getting mad at her when she reacts to their bs.

-speaking of which as much as I hate to see her miserable I think shay needs an angsty storyline. She solves her problems so quickly and efficiently, we never even see the emotions she must be going through. i don’t think her being ace would cause her too much stress, she'd do her research for a bit, have a fight with tiny about it (maybe even suggest to keep the relationship open, which would offend tiny) but other than that the real source of angst would come from esme. lets say esme finds out, y’all already know she would never let shay hear the end of it. that, on top of esme being EVERYWHERE and the two of them competing to be both the smartest and most athletic girl in school, would probably really get to shay's psyche. maybe esme goes too far one day, and shay just says fuck it and throws hands?? or maybe she breaks her phone?? idk something rly impulsive bc shay doesn't normally make impulsive decisions. of course esme makes shay out to be the irrational one and shay tries to quit the track team, her grades start slipping, etc etc. esme gets bored without having someone to compete against, or maybe she notices the change in shay's demeanor (and bc of maya’s suicide attempt and her mom) is afraid she pushed shay over the edge. they talk after class one day, esme still being bitchy but by the end a little teary eyed. I think their talk would be reminiscent of anya and holly j in season 8?? 9?? where anya was all like "why are you so mean to me" and hj's like "bc u let me bitch :)" so esme CLEARLY isn't gonna take any real responsibility for bullying shay but shay decides that shes NOT gonna be the bigger person for once. Idk how this would end but I definitely want shay to be more confident by the end, and for esme to learn when to stand down.

-Tiny's line about shay just seeing him as a "good nerd boy" rly stuck out to me. How much does shay know about tiny's past?? This definitely has to be brought up at some point, and I really thought the show would've mentioned that but w/e. Shay probably knows SOMETHING about the gang stuff but not how far it goes, or his family, etc. Tiny has an image that he keeps from everyone else but saves only for shay, which is adorable (they have boggle ((is that like scrabble???)) dates...need me a freak like that) but at some point shays gonna have to see the rest of him. Tiny is tired of shay assuming so much about his intentions too. That and shay not wanting sex period will (in my vision for s4) definitely be the biggest conflicts for shiny, but they'll work through them quickly bc unlike every other couple on this show they actually know how to communicate :)

-also how does tiny feel about the crash?? he looked all the way fucked up when they rushed him into the hospital so...he has to have some sorta trauma from that come on now

TRILES/MOLA

-this is gonna be messy lol. triles and mola are two very polarizing ships so we already kno theres gonna be some mess once tristans back at school. tristan may have been all "okay w/e idc" at the play but we all know once his petty ass is able to speak he's gonna go out of his way to make lolas life living hell. its truly gonna be slutshaming for days, and lets not forget the biphobia. he wont really direct any anger at miles, except tight-lipped quickly concealed bitterness. i can already picture these scenes yall like this is literally what is gonna happen WATCH.

-miles is of course gonna still feel guilty about the whole knocking her up thing, and he rly does love her and values her friendship (their friendship was so cute) so he's gonna want to keep hanging out with her (it’ll start off with just checking up on her every now and then like craig after manny’s abortion, but it’ll grow to miles getting an actual job at lola’s, etc). tristan will be okay with this on the surface but as soon as he and lola are alone (maybe tris is @ the hollingsworth household while lolas there for frankie or hell even miles and miles leaves to get some snacks or something) tristan just lays into her!! on some "you were NOTHING to him" shit. on some "you tried to trap him with a baby" shit!! some “he never loved you, just pitied you” shit!!!! and then tris is all back to smiles the second miles comes back. lola’s on the verge of tears but keeps this to herself cause she doesnt want to start drama so soon after tristan coming back and bc she loves miles too much etc etc. miles of course eventually finds out, and he and tris have the fight of the century where it ALL comes out.

-now I just read a list of PERFECT mola headcanons (by @beach-city-mystery-girl!) that should definitely happen throughout the season! idk if triles will stay together or if mola becomes official but at some point someones gonna be all "make. a. DECISION" at miles so!!

-lola should also find value in being alone and being comfortable with herself. she and yael become genuine friends (bc she needs someone outside of frankie and shay and miles) and form a weird almost symbiotic relationship where they give each other advice on things the other lacks. baaz flips between trying to flirt with her and making insensitive comments about her abortion. lola finally sets him straight for once and for all. 

-maybe something goes down at the restaurant? idk I just started caring about lola’s existence yesterday idk how this goes

-I think frankie eventually finds out that miles and lola hooked up, idk how but she does and she’s not happy about it yikes.

-actually after just reading another great post (by tristanmiligay), a lot of tristan’s insecurities could also lie in the fact that he’s disabled now. maybe miles rly wants to get tris up on his feet again and do something FUN and EXCITING but homeboi literally just got out of a coma and can’t make it, so I can see miles asking lola to go instead (like maybe its a couples thing and he already reserved it or w/e) and that kinda sets tristan off the first time. he’ll probably try to force himself to heal faster, maybe even injuring himself further in the process? he’s gonna have a lot of self-doubt and internalized ableism like the post said :/, and all of that is gonna manifest in hate for lola. 

ZASHA/GRONAH (is that what we're calling it??) 

-okay so this section is kinda tied into the maya section and rly just centered around grace so yeah. but thats mainly bc there wont rly be any drama between zasha (except like normal preparing for college type stuff, like zoe wants to go to some rly good school far away and rasha wants to stay in toronto bc she just got there).

-zoe's pretending to be fine with getting kicked out but its absolutely destroying her on the inside. she and her mom were so close despite everything. zoe starts going thru mad identity issues bc everything about her was sculpted by her mom. if shes not in her life anymore then who is she? she keeps replaying "i love you despite who you are" in her head and its killing her. she sometimes sneaks out of grace's room at night and leaves voice messages on her moms phone (which ms. Rivas never responds to) and ends every night crying on the couch. grace grows super concerned for her but has no idea how to balance both helping maya out and helping zoe. one day at school grace tries to confront zoe about the voicemails but zoe brushes it off and says something cute like "being with rasha makes it all worth it" but grace is still like 👀.

-grace then moves on to trying to help maya but maya is sick and tired of everyone walking on eggshells around her and she tells grace shes fine and that she needs to back off, but grace knows somethings still off. later that day she spots zoe in the student council office trying to call her mom and leaving an angry voicemail, ripping mama rivas to shreds!! "you were never a good mother, a mother who cant love her own daughter shouldnt even be having kids, i hate you, go to hell" type of shit. at the last minute she realizes she doesnt mean half of that (or she does mean it but that scares her) and tries to backtrack but by then the voicemail's already been sent. zoe starts freaking out and crying again and leaves another one like "im sorry I didnt mean any of that please just let me come back. Im sorry, im sorry, im sorry" like just saying sorry over and over again, and grace finally steps in like "sorry for the voicemail or sorry for being gay?" and confronts zoe again. zoe tries to get the attention off of her by asking about maya and grace is like "she's 'fine' just like how you're 'fine'. cut the bs binch" or whatever and zoe breaks all the way down, but before grace can comfort her she sees maya and esme fighting outside the office and she runs out to stop it. zoe, now that shes alone and still crying, contemplates self harming again (im gonna end this here cause this is long enough I deadass would write this whole episode if I could)

-anyway juggling between her upcoming surgery, college apps, and two lowkey suicidal best friends, grace is stressed tf out. this is where gronah steps in lol. i dont care much about jonah but i do know hes much more interesting and likeable when he's with grace. he gives her advice and shit and they go on a bunch of golfing dates, grace maybe takes him to yoga or something, they help each other with college apps, and well gronah happens! jonah basically goes from boring to manic pixie dream boy who tries to show grace that life is worth living and blah blah yall know the drill

-rasha needs a plot outside of zoe and i think her pursuing acting could be a thing!! she goes out to casting calls but every director says something along the line of "we just...envisioned someone else for the role" or "we dont rly think you'd...fit" bc shes muslim and then the one time she gets picked up for a student film, its about a terrorist attack and rasha doesnt realize until she shows up to rehearsal. she goes off on the director (and reminds her that most terrorist attacks are domestic lol) and runs off to goldi and they talk. maybe she tries to write her own webseries (probably with the help of winston) and it becomes a hit!! maybe we could have a probably cheesy as hell famous youtuber plot (and vijay gets jealous lol) and they have some sorta subscriber war where everyones taking sides. baaz, yael, and hunter try to sabotage rasha's show and bc our girl loves scheming she hits them back even harder :).

-also maybe we find out what happens to her friend back in syria? i dont want her to have too many depressing plots so maybe her friend is okay physically but not mentally and she has to deal with that :(

MAYA

-so like I already said maya's done with everyone bullshitting her and being overbearingly nice, so she starts closing herself off. this just makes everyone even more worried tho, so she forces herself back into music and her studies. grace and jonah are all over her, zig always looks guilty as fuck and treats her like a baby, miles forgot she existed but if they pass each other in the hall he'll ask how shes doing, zoe hugs her randomly one day, and esme...esmes the worst one. she starts lowkey stalking maya and its getting on her last nerve.

-she avoids saad like the plague at first, but eventually realizes that he's the only person who doesnt treat her any differently (or so she thinks). they go to the roof one day (cause that shit is never locked no matter how many suicide attempts happened up there) to talk things out, and saad completely switches gears. "what were you thinking??? why would you do that???" type of stuff. maya gets mad at him talks shit about his pictures maybe, idk. saad reminds her that its a coping mechanism after everything that happened in syria, maybe he says he once contemplated too?? idk all the ideas I have are depressing moving on

-one day maya explodes on everyone after she dissapears for a bit (umm maybe she was chosen to perform a song at a school event but, after hearing some girls talking about her suicide attempt in the bathroom, she decides to ditch) bc everyone (grace, jonah, zig, esme, zoe maybe) gang up on her to check if shes okay. she goes off, saying "none of you cared before i tried to kill myself so why care now?" and idk where I was going with this, I want maya happiness and closure but idk how to get there smh.

-uhh she finds hoot! she goes home after school and finds hoot stuffed in the back of her closet. she writes a bittersweet song and after a long talk with her mom, decides to call grace. maybe grace invites her over for a sleepover?? and zoe and maya can finally have a real conversation since The Incident too! Also grace can kinda kill 2 birds with one stone.

FRANKIE'S ANNOYING ASS

-I cant stand this child but shes the writers' baby so she'll get at least 5 main plots next season oh my god. My wishful thinking speaking, but maybe she'll learn its okay to be alone and finally learn to like herself! Hopefully she sees the value in sticking to the sidelines and helping her friends through their issues. Ooh, maybe she learns how to be a good ally after gorillagate and educates her brothers on why their many intolerances are wrong (lbr here, hunter probably uses "triggered" as an insult and continues to call all the refugees "scary", same with miles) BUT come on this is degrassi :) so the writers are probably gonna throw in a new male character for frankie to obsess over. Well, either a newbie or someone completely random thats already in the cast like fucking baaz or saad.

Z*SME

-zig and esme spend a lot of their time obsessing over maya I think, esme bc she sees her mom in maya and zig bc he feels like he made her do it. umm noah fence but i dont rly care about these two so thats all I got lol

if anyone has any specific headcanon requests I’d love some!