#also quality is shit due to having to take a picture of it via phone

[suitsimp]

probably doesn't look that great but i attempted to draw Valarie Bronev and Clayton Bronev from the How Things Change au by @multiversal-madness

also i want to point out i attempted to make their poses be similar to some poses done by a certain top hat wearing professor that Luke is missing very dearly, cause i think it's neat and sometimes you just gotta make a child cry

[magistralucis]

Ed Banger House Party @ Electric Brixton, 25 Jan 2019 [Review]

😍 Fucking fantastic you funky little Frenchmen... 😍

This was a very wild night. I can’t quite believe I survived it, even as I finish off writing thousands of words about it. It’s probably the most detailed review of a concert or show I have done to this date. I finally saw Sebastian in the flesh, was treated to over eight hours of sweet sweet music, and feel that I have begun my Ed Banger-related pursuits for this year in the perfect way.

And the loot. The sweet, sweet loot.

Read on for more. Mobile users, be warned this is a very long post.

The Journey

If you’ve read my other gig reviews you know the drill: I don’t live in London, have to commute there from wherever I’m living at the moment, London is difficult to navigate. But I had no trouble with my journeys this time, there were no Underground closures, and this venue was exactly the same one as the TBB show two years ago. Nothing to report there, only that I give props to our driver. There was an accident on the motorway, about 25 mins into a 2hr 20min journey. He took us on a thirty-mile detour to avoid the scene of the crash and still got us to London in time. If you’ve ever been on a National Express coach, you know what a big deal that is.

That wasn’t the only accident we stumbled upon in our journey, somewhere in Croydon (part of Outer London for non-UK readers) there was an altercation between two drivers and something like thirty police officers were present. It is rare to see that many police officers on scene for a single collision, so I wonder whether something more sinister was going on. All of them were wearing fluorescent vests and they reflected the light of the traffic most gloriously for a ten-meter stretch of the pavement. It was very attention-catching. I like to think they shared the same general sentiment of (o_o  ) when they looked over and saw an entire busful of people goggling at them, but that’s neither here nor there. It was around 8:30PM when I got to London, and I spent some time lingering in the train station before making my way to Brixton.

I like queuing up early. I had no idea what I was going to find there.

9:20~PM: If you follow Thibaut on insta you might have seen this.

This instastory. It’s not obvious, but these three were far from the only ones in this picture. I know this because I FUCKING WALKED IN ON THIS PHOTOSHOOT. THESE THREE WERE NOT THE ONLY PEOPLE THERE. THIS WAS A VIP GROUP SHOT SESSION WITH 25+ PEOPLE OUTSIDE ELECTRIC BRIXTON AND I NEARLY BARGED IN AMONGST THEM LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT

I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! ;A  ;

I’ve met my favourite bands spontaneously. Gone for signings. Received compliments from Rammstein. I’ve shaken hands with Xavier. But I’ve never just happened upon an entire group of my favourite people engaged in a situation not meant for ordinary fans. I was honestly more terrified than elated. I knew they were VIPs because they (all DJs included) had blue wristbands on which allowed continued re-entry into the club, instead of the usual red club stamp on the back of the hand. Later in the show I recognized two of those people as stage photographers. Pedro was closest to me, Irfane passed by (he had very vivid eyes, even under poor lighting), and around the right-hand side Thibaut was putting his arm around Sebastian. I may have seen Vladimir Cauchemar unmasked. Shit was surreal.

This could potentially have been a good place to greet Sebastian zdravo. Unfortunately there’s a time and place for such things, and a VIP photo session I wasn’t involved in was not one of them. (Electric Brixton isn’t known for facilitating after-show fan meets either, due to the club’s structure and how everyone has to be herded out at the end.) Even if it were just the Ed Banger folks milling around, I'm not sure if I’d have been able to approach them in this case. ‘Cause ultimately, I am just an Animal Experiencing Fear, and I was caught so off guard; I stepped back and pretended I had nothing to do with the area. At least that way I could gather my thoughts and continue to observe.

I can tell you this entire moment took five minutes from 9:23pm to 9:28pm, but only because I checked my phone later. I didn’t want to take it out in the moment because I got paranoid they’d think I was a creep. As the phones and cameras were put away and normal conversation resumed I looked up and saw Sebastian five steps in front of me.

You know that recent Seb + Vinco picture. Hang on I’ll find it. You know the look Seb has in that pic?

That. That is his actual gaze. That is what Seb actually looks like when he has nothing to pose for and nobody to speak to. Unless something mind-boggling was happening in the empty space several feet away from where I was standing, that’s his normal nothing-to-see-here expression. At one point we met eyes. I think he blinked like once. You can’t tell his eyes are blue even from a short distance. He looked down, exhaled vape smoke, and bit his lip. Then someone (Myd?) ushered him into the open doors. And that’s how I accidentally stumbled upon the Forbidden Ed Banger Content, and while I was excited at what I saw, I think I’d prefer a do-over in the future. When they’re not all engaged in other business, when I have a pen and an adequate surface, and when I am not a fool with poor timing.

Also Sebastian was not as tall as I thought he was, but also far from short; Irfane was taller than I thought, but visibly shorter than Thibaut; Thibaut was taller than I thought, but no match for Pedro, whose height continues to boggle my mind. I have seen all of those people before, save for Sebastian. Pedro I have seen multiple times, with multiple people, in multiple contexts. Yet I still have no grasp of how tall anybody is in this label.

I don’t know what that implies about my visualization skills. At this point, I’m too scared to find out.

9:33PM: I’m going with this timestamp because that’s when I noted down that security cleared out completely with the VIPs, closing the front doors behind them. A girl comes up near me and stares at the venue, the ‘Ed Banger Records’ written in lights, then at the queue barriers (not open) for some time before turning to me. There were maybe five people altogether waiting.

Girl: Excuse me, is this the queue for people with tickets?

Me: I don’t know. We might be queuing to find out where the queue is.

Girl: [To a freshly emerged security guard, holding a sandwich.] Excuse me, do you know if there’ll be tickets at the door?

Security guard: [Incomprehensible - he’s speaking at close distance and a bus is freshly pulling up behind me, so I can’t hear them. He goes inside and shuts the door as soon as he says his piece.]

Girl: He doesn’t know. What am I going to tell my friends.

Me: Oh my God did you not get tickets.

Girl: My friends did! I was meant to get in early and get the drinks and stuff oh my God I DIDN’T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BE SOLD OUT 😰

Me: DIDN’T THEY SAY THERE WOULD BE A LIMITED RELEASE THOUGH 😰

By this time we’re both mired in anxiety.txt and others were coming forwards with the same experience. A group of three girls who got there shortly after me were all waiting for door tickets, and a guy came along who had a ticket for himself but was trying to get his friend (Asian girl, very pretty) in. (I will see this friend repeatedly throughout the show, but not the dude.) Eventually we looked up what the Electric Brixton website had to say, and gathered that a very limited number of tickets were available and they were all here at the right time to purchase it. As far as I know, everyone there got in without trouble.

First release tickets were £15.00. Later I was told it was £25.00 at the door.

Yeesh.

9:50PM: They finally open up the queue barriers. I’m fourth. Several of us in the line take a poll on who we’re here to see:

Pedro: ///

Breakbot: //

Sebastian: ////

Riton: /

Vladimir:

Myd: /

‘Everyone’: //

‘I’m here because of my friends’: /

The girl in the above section answered with the last one. Ed Banger rookie. Writing this now, I’m sure she had the time of her life.

I say Sebastian. Two guys in front of me nod sagely. One of them wears a Woman Worldwide T-shirt and a Justice logo jacket. We mutually express wonder that Seb’s, like. Doing anything again. At this point, however, the queue is split into two: ticketed and buying at the door, on the opposite end of the entrance. The girl and I say farewells as she departs for the latter. Unfortunately, I do not get to see her again. It’s a shame. She was lovely.

9:55PM: Security emerges with QR code readers and club stamps and starts to call us in go go go go go go go go

9:58~PM: The bouncer initiating pat down pauses over my portable battery for a very long time, seemingly considering whether that’s legal. Fuck my life. Eventually, though, he lets me in and I s p r i n t for the bar.

It has begun.

A note before I start: like the XOYO gig review last year, this review has been composed via rough notes, photos, and videos I took through the show. It was a longer night than last year, and everyone played for a lengthy period of time; this review is thus split into six sections, one for each DJ, including timestamped observations and photos/gifs of the night.

The gifs are taken from my own videos. Unfortunately, Electric Brixton’s setup made photography difficult for three reasons: 1) an abundance of flashing lights, 2) the elevation difference between the dancefloor and the DJ booth, unlike in XOYO where there was no audience-DJ divide, and 3) smoke machines, as well as actual vapers in the form of Sebastian Akchoté. Those three things make a mess onscreen, so images are potato quality compared to where I was (front center). This was a constant problem during the night, so instead of complaining about it with every DJ, I’ll just refer to this as the I Cannot See For Shit (ICSFS) syndrome and call it a day.

Busy P (10PM to 11:50~PM)

10PM: Mother fucking sons of bitches raised the price of water!

As mentioned in the TBB review, a 500ml bottle of water at Electric Brixton was £3.00 in 2017. (Even in 2019, at a supermarket it can be as little as 55p/500ml.) Harsh, but it is what you’d expect from London. But when I came back they’d raised it to a whopping £3.60. You could buy yourself a meal with that kind of money, albeit a small one, even for London. Disgusting.

But what can you do with something as necessary as water. I did expect it. I’m sore about it, is all.

10:05PM: Restroom visited, water bought and tucked into bag, jacket tied around waist. I was wearing armwarmers. I take my place by the barriers, front row center, with a guy on my left and an empty space on my right. Left-hand arrangement will not change during the night, while on the right it will be chaos.

10:10PM: Very superstitious / nothin' more to say / very superstitious / the devil's on his way / thirteen month old baby / broke the lookin' glass / seven years of bad luck / good things in your past

This is my first video of the night. Might upload it later.

10:21PM: USE IMAGINATION 💫 AS A DESTINATION 💘 USE IMAGINATION 💫 AS A DESTINATIoOoON 💘 USE IMAGINATION AND COME CLooOoOSER 👄✨ 👄 FOREVER BEEEEE 😘 😘💋

‘Pleasure’ summons the two dudes I was talking to in the queue to my right, especially the Justice fan guy. They stuck with me through Pedro’s set.

10:30~PM: Pedro looks a lot happier than he did at XOYO last year. He’s interacting a lot with fans, smiling, bopping about the way we have all come to expect from him.

10:40PM: I see the first glimpse of another DJ hanging around at the back. It’s Myd, drinking in a corner.

10:50PM: Is that what I think it is. I think it’s what I think it is

10:51PM: POP THE GLOCK THE GLOCK YOU POP IF YOU OUTTA LINE IT’S YOU I’LL BANG POP POP THE GLOCK THE GLOCK YOU POP IF YOU OUTTA LINE IT’S YOU I’LL BANG POP

Fantastic to hear some Uffie in the mix. I missed her so damn much. I think I might upload that clip as well because I want to share the experience with y’alls.

10:54PM: Thibaut jitterbugs into the scene. The lighting’s too bad for a photo so I post about it on the hellsite instead.

11:19PM: The display in front of the DJ booth has remained constant until this point, displaying the Ed Banger logo with only the occasional change in lighting. But now the display suddenly starts changing. Check it out.

It got really trippy with Breakbot.

11:29PM: ‘Genie’ comes on. I can see Thibaut and Irfane at the back now, ready to take over. I take my first drink since I entered the club.

11:52PM: HE PUT ON ‘BURNIN’. HE ACTUALLY DID THAT.

Pedro picks up the mic at this point and greets us for the first time during the night. I have what he said on video but it’s hard for me to transcribe it over all the audience noise, it might have to be an upload later on; I have videos of most DJ-DJ segues of this night, so hopefully that should be an interesting exercise. According to the timestamp on this video, 11:52-53PM is when Thibaut put on the headphones and took over from Pedro, but he continues to linger

11:55PM:

just so he can cOMPLETELY LOSE HIS SHIT APPARENTLY.

Breakbot (Thibaut and Irfane) (11:50~PM to 1:30AM)

12:00AM: At midnight Thibaut and Irfane take over fully with ‘Break of Dawn’. There’s something wild about listening to people sing a song with no lyrics (da DA DA DA darararaRA).

12:05AM: Irfane was on serious mode all night. I’ve also realized that the light situation is not going to get better; if it was Pedro alone I could have forgotten about it, but Breakbot’s set was where the ICSFS got really, really bad. There are so many photos where I tried to capture beautiful moments between Thibaut and Irfane, as they were quite touchy with one another (not as much as they were at XOYO tho), and yet it all turned to shit. I’m so sad.

12:10~AM: The two dudes to the right of me leave. The music is most funky fresh and the smoke machines are on max, so much I cannot actually see either of the DJs on scene. A girl wearing light blue takes over to my right.

I think Electric Brixton has reached full capacity. It’s not a big venue, fitting only about 2000 people or so, but I can feel it in the air. I look behind me and all around me are unfamiliar faces, packed tightly in a crowd. It’s hot. I take off my armwarmers and cram them into my bag. 

12:16AM: Irfane baby I love you but that was not a smooth segue.

(I don’t actually know what song he was on but the music like. Stopped 100% for a second. It didn’t sound intentional.)

12:25AM: I have a note on my phone that says ‘12:25 Pedro making heart’. I have no memory of this. Fangirl magistralucis what are your secrets.

12:30AM: you 😍💖 are all I think about 😍✨😍✨😍 keep me sulking and down 😘👇🏼 but you fill me with 🔥 so much 🔥 emotion 😳💖😳 and I’ll show my 🙏🏼🕊💐 devotion 💐🕊🙏🏼 to you ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

12:31AM: I cannot see for shit. Here have a light show I guess.

12:36AM: Dance, dance with me / Life's a fantasy / Stand next to me / Like ecstasy

12:48AM: Irfane puts on ‘Funkytown’. Thibaut dances beautifully. I’ll drink to that.

12:51AM:

What the hell is this?

1:07AM: Extra, extra, read all about it! The Mysterious Ninth Planet, located at last! Turns out it was in the hands of funky Frenchmen all along, who were hoarding not just the ninth planet, but ALL THE PLANETS

1:08AM: You may have seen what was happening during the above in Irfane’s instastory, actually. He put on ‘Le Freak’. I wonder whether I should upload this clip from where I was.

1:10AM:

?????

1:20AM: Pedro comes back into view. I try to film him but it doesn’t work out, and for once it had nothing to do with ICSFS. The girl to the right of me, who was rocking out for all of Breakbot’s set, is beginning to slump over on the railing. "Are you okay?” I call, but I don’t think she heard. From how rapidly it came on, how she could barely stand during the first five minutes of VC’s set, and how frantically her and her friends left afterwards (she could barely walk), it is quite possible she was going into diabetic shock. She did not return.

This is a known issue. You generally cannot bring food into London clubs, even if you’re diabetic. Electric Brixton had a complaint two years ago that a diabetic person was not permitted to bring in their food to prevent this exact thing happening. I hope whatever she had wasn’t that serious, but. I do wonder.

This leads to a note about security, I suppose. There were none up front by the barriers. There was no one to call for help to, except for maybe the stage photographers, and that’s not what they’re trained to do. People who were falling sick or too inebriated to stand would have benefited from having security help them beyond the barrier straight away, instead of having to wade their way back through a tight crowd.

This continued to be a problem.

1:20~AM: Vladimir Cauchemar is visible. He doesn’t have the skull mask on, but with something smooth concealing his face, kind of like the Taikobots of Danger’s Taiko-era set. When he takes over he has put the mask on.

Vladimir Cauchemar (1:30AM to 2:30AM)

1:30AM: I gotta say, VC was the easiest and the best to photograph in this show, and I both respect and resent that fact.

VC’s lighting stayed a consistent red and black through his set, similar to how it was at XOYO, and the clearest images I have of the night are of him. I’m still not over his collab with 6**9*** so my impression of him isn’t out of the woods yet, which is why my notes for him are brief.

I tell you what, though. He got the crowd going. VC was the first DJ to get the dude standing to the left of me dancing, and this is the dude who stayed the entire eight hours of the night by my side while on my right people faded in, faded out, barged into places. (Dude was holding out for Sebastian, but stuck around for all of Myd as well.) His set had serious limitations - the most gregarious sin of which I’ve noted down below - but he had a great stage personality. I have very mixed feelings.

Still didn’t prevent me from standing out certain songs to go on Russian duolingo, but that was my pride.

1:35AM: ‘Aulos’ comes on. I will upload that video because I might as well, I’ve little else videoed for VC. Someone taps my shoulder. It’s the friend of the dude whom I encountered outside, the Asian girl. “Can I put this here?” She calls, and places her coat down beyond the barrier; there are steps on the other side where you can place your drinks, bags, coats etc if you’re front row. She withdraws behind me afterwards, and when I next look back, she’s gone.

1:40AM: I’m honestly surprised how many people are digging VC’s set. He was not first choice for anyone I asked.

1:51AM: Vladimir, Aulos is great but not twice in the same set.

2:00AM: Third drink of the night. My legs are getting numb. The first 3-4 hours of a set are always the hardest. I don’t remember what VC was playing. At several points he played Michael Jackson but I have no record of when. I stood still to rest my legs and distracted myself with other pursuits.

2:18AM:

Hi I’m in this photo and I don’t like it.

2:26AM: VLADIMIR. AULOS IS GREAT, BUT NOT THRICE IN THE SAME SET.

This. This is the major problem with his set. I know it’s his biggest hit, but VC exploits ‘Aulos’ way too much, and from what I hear he essentially does this for every set he plays. Would it injure him to play a different song every now and then. Seriously. There are so many excellent songs in the world, and some of them might even be ones he’ll drop in the future. Why stick to ‘Aulos’ alone. I don’t get it.

2:26~AM: As I was noting down the third instance of ‘Aulos’, the girl who put her coat down returned. “Can I have my coat back?” She calls over the sound, and I peer over. I can’t see the coat. The red spotlight passes over the floor; the coat’s rolled off the steps and is now lying on the ground.

“I can’t reach it.” I shout. “It’s fallen off.”

“Oh no.” She shouts. 

“Can you wait until the segue?”

She shakes her head. “I’ll go over the barrier, but thanks.”

I offer to help her over, but she doesn’t think she'll make it. She ducks out past the crowd and goes around the side instead (no security to stop her), runs over to grab her coat, and then leaves straight away. She’ll be back for Sebastian’s set, but now it’s Riton time.

Riton (2:30AM to 3:30AM)

I didn’t enjoy Riton’s set very much. This had 0% to do with his music and everything to do with the chaos on my right-hand side, which made it worse. If it was the artist that was bad you chalk it up to a mismatch in interests, but knowing other concertgoers unilaterally deprived you of a good experience is a unique level of terrible. There are no timestamps for this section because I was too busy keeping an eye on my surroundings to take notes; he was also afflicted with the ICSFS, which didn’t help, but it’s a darn shame how much I missed out.

Oh and that too. That was his light show. Riton was a special guest and his name/logo was the dominant display for the entirety of his set. But I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about the chip on my shoulder.

Here’s the thing. I attend most of the gigs I go to by myself. I prefer it that way because I get anxious when things go wrong. I have a very specific set of items I bring with me to concerts, and practice very meticulous timekeeping. One of the rules I observe during gigs is that I do not move from my position: I prefer front centre or front centre-right generally, but wherever it is, I stay put.

I am not a tall woman. If I lose my place, it is unlikely I’d get it back. I’m full of anxiety about being at my place, but I’m more anxious to avoid losing it, so I defend it with all my might. I have never lost my place in almost ten years and this show was no exception. But my goodness did the guys to my right push my buttons this time. The guy who was to the right of me for Riton was with a group, all of whom were banging on the barriers and creating a ruckus. Just my luck he was the only one who seemed actually inebriated. He kept putting his head down on the railing, slumped over for minutes at a time, before suddenly raving and flailing around whenever Riton dropped a beat. He had no consideration for whoever he was accidentally knocking about (i.e. me) during this. And as I said, there was no security up front, so I was on my own.

At first I had some sympathy, because I still wasn’t over the girl who left earlier. I’ve never seen people who were inebriated/high during shows last very long where they were, either. But the fifteenth time dude nearly poked my eye out, it was just too much. I do not like people prodding their way into my personal space. I do not like it, Sam-I-Am.

The last time I had to be vicious with a concertgoer was at TBB, where a ginger-haired girl kept on trying to tear people from their place up front, and eventually was ejected by security after she got into a catfight with another girl next to me. Apparently this time it was my turn to give into Righteously Indignant Bitch Hours and the next time he started flailing his arm into my neck, I grabbed him and slammed his hand onto the railing and shouted “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU.”

I wish I could say this made him stop. However, life is dumb. Dude was too out of it to comprehend his own actions, let alone my complaints. His friends pulled him out of the front row for about five minutes but then he came staggering back, muttering something about his lens cap (?) and if I’d seen it. It wasn’t long before he began to barge into the surrounding people again. Only elbows were the solution; I can barely move my right arm even now, it feels so bruised. I’m not proud of what I did, but I’m not sure what I could have done differently, and I would do the same even now.

But, you know. It could have been worse. If you’ve been front row, you know there’s a difference between those who’re trying to grab a good time and those who act out of malice. The former usually try to sneak a hand in next to yours on the railing, or crash into you from the back, or wedge their way in - but they almost always follow it up with an apology, and they tend to carve out their own little space, not actively steal yours. Yes I’m talking about that ginger-haired girl at the TBB show again. I’ve attended full on firebreathing industrial metal shows at much bigger, suffocating venues, and yet those audiences still managed to avoid being vicious and petty. She was the worst. Holy shit. It’s been two years and I’m still mad. Fucking bitch I hope you step in a puddle. What was I writing about again? Oh yeah the dude. He wasn’t acting out of malice, but out of irresponsibility. And to be honest, his friends weren’t that better, save for a girl who was about five feet eight tall and complimented that I was still standing later in the set: “I had to sit down after Thibaut and you’re still jumping like nothing happened!”

That made me think about my own stamina. I never thought I had much. I’m twenty-five years old. I’m in my prime, but I had more energy when I was eighteen, and I am old enough to keep that in mind. I’m not getting younger. After a show I’m bruised and my muscles ache and I pass out asleep for hours at a time. I’m usually awake for 30hrs~ during those times. I don’t eat or drink much before shows to prevent bathroom breaks. I ate on 3:30pm on the 25th and didn’t touch a single morsel of food again until 7am on the 26th, and even then it was a sandwich. After dancing for eight hours.

It’s been that way for years. But maybe most people? Don’t? Do that? And maybe I am? Actually quite strong? For regularly surviving what I do to myself?

I don’t know. Let’s move onto what I think 70% of you are here to read about.

Sebastian (3:30AM to 4:30AM)

3:30AM: Predictably, Sebastian gets the loudest cheers of the night when he comes on. Riton announces him and passes him the headphones. He still does the hand thing, by the way.

This thing.

3:30~AM: Not an observation of the moment, but of the entire set. Seb played some big name EDM songs and what I believe are versions of his YLS tracks. He was the only set I wanted to record in full, but I wasn’t tall enough and my equipment wasn’t good enough to do so. ICSFS is in play. I sort of hoped he'd stuck with his vicious red lighting from Primary Tour, and he did, but not to a degree where I could get good shots of him.

Is anyone excited for him to drop an album this year or what. Pedro said he would.

3:38AM: Seb also has the dubious honour of being the only DJ who contributed extra to the ICSFS problem. He vapes through the entire set. I have lots of feelings and I don’t know what to do with myself honestly.

3:39AM: Neither do the dudes to my right. They are the friends of the inebriated dude who has since staggered off into the crowd. They are completely losing their shit, screaming and taking their shirts off and kicking at the barriers. They contributed to some of the bruises on my right arm. But they still didn’t take my place so whatever.

3:40~AM: Seb is not a smiler. Photographer comes by and he gives him a single glance before turning back. I don’t know why I’m surprised.

3:43AM: The Asian girl with the coat from earlier comes back. She asks me to deposit a different layer of coat this time over the barrier, and stands behind me. I feel very protected.

3:50~AM: Balm to aid my pain: photographers start coming down from the stage to pass out Ed Banger pins and stickers. The first lot are thrown into the audience, but the second photographer takes the time to give all of us one. This is the first time I’ve scored thrown Ed Banger merch during a set. I usually can’t reach them because I am smol.

I am also bonding with the dude to my left during this time. We collaborate to catch the pins we want and share them out between the two of us. He gets the Ed Banger melody logo pin, and gives me the Ed Banger 15 Ans pin. “Are you sure?” I ask. He smiles and nods. I thank him and hand him a Breakbot sticker, one that’s of his name. 

4:06AM: What the fuck the lights are changing

4:06AM: Is that

4:06AM: IT IS

4:07AM: IT’S JUSTICE. IT’S HEAVY METAL. SEB’S PLAYING HEAVY METAL AND HE’S DOING THE HAND THING AND THE LIGHT SHOW’S TRIPPY AS FUCK ALL OF A SUDDEN AND EVERYONE IS SCREAMING AND THE DUDE LEFT OF ME IS DECLARING HIS LOVE FOR SEB IN FRENCH AND I AM SCREAMING OH MY FUCKING GOD

4:09AM: HE SEGUES TO ROLLIN’ AND SCRATCHIN’. HE LITERALLY DID THAT. SEBASTIAN AKCHOTE IS PLAYING ROLLIN’ AND SCRATCHIN’ AND WE’RE ALL GOING BATSHIT INSANE. I’M SORRY FOR THE BAD CAMERA WORK. THIS IS HOW I DIE.

4:15~AM: Myd is finally going back and forth. He will close the night after Sebastian has finished his set. Looking back on the videos of the night, I can’t believe he only played for an hour; it felt a bit longer than that, Sebastian never let up for a single second as long as he was onstage. Not a single minute wasted. And now you’re going to have to excuse me babes because he’s puttING ON STRESS AND WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE AGAIN RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW

4:24AM: AAAAAAAAAAAA

(Seb’s still playing Stress. Looping the chainsaw noises. Steady camera work lmao what steady camera work)

4:30AM: Sebastian hands over the reins to Myd at this point. I do not have a video of this segue because he does not announce the takeover; with one of his inscrutable hand gestures and a proud look, Sebastian takes up a whole bottle of wine and silently walks offstage. Again, I don’t know why I am remotely surprised. That is probably the most Seb thing I have seen Seb do all night, and it was a night extremely full of Seb things.

At this point I stop jotting down notes on my phone. But I’m at about 58% battery and going strong, so I’m still taking photos and videos whenever I can. Myd’s section is reconstructed from these records.

Myd (Round 2) (4:30~AM to 6:00AM)

4:30~AM: Not a specific observation. As mentioned in the Breakbot review of May 2018, I have unfinished business with Myd. Or at least: had. Myd played the closer in XOYO last year, and back then I was weak and I could not stay through his entire set. I swore to myself the next time he returned, and I was able to see him, I would last as long as he was onstage.

And I did. That’s one promise to myself kept, and what I hope was a little justice done for a DJ of Myd’s caliber.

4:35AM: Coat girl taps my shoulder again. “I’m going home. Could you...?” She gestures to the barrier, and I reach down and pull up her coat. It didn’t roll onto the ground this time.

“There you are.” I say. She takes it and gives me a hug. “Have a good night.”

“Have a good night!” Then she’s gone, alongside the exodus of people who are leaving the club. More people stuck around for Myd here than in XOYO. Guy to my left nudges me to look; stickers are coming around again, specifically the ‘Hello My Name Is _______ [Myd]’ one. We each take one.

4:44AM: I’m out of water. Actually I was out of water immediately before Seb finished, because for some reason I thought downing the last of my only means of hydration with over 1h 30mins to go was a sensible thing to do. I regret this decision bitterly, but I’ll probably survive.

4:58AM:

@_@

5:03AM: It is very difficult for me to ID Myd’s tracks. I suspect a lot of them are original or are from his recent release that I haven’t yet listened to. Appropriate to a closer, he takes a very trance-inspired line to his entire set, with lots of repetition and few loud drops; this was the same in XOYO. I wonder what a Myd headliner set must be like.

5:10~AM: The guy to the left of me is struggling. So am I. But further to his left, there is a guy slumped on the rails. His girlfriend is beside him. They’ve been there all night, but they’ve clearly reached their limit. My right hand side keeps refilling and emptying as people step away or leave.

I talk about that other guy because he summons Thibaut to him.

5:28AM: I took several vids of this but this timestamp belongs to the longest. Thibaut comes back with his own phone to film the audience. He winks and shyly gestures all of us to gather our strengths and be more pumped up, and I recall we obliged him because he asked so nicely. He lingered for some time, gazing at us as fondly as we were gazing at him. He then looked at the guy slumped over on the railing and hopped down from the stage, gently patting his shoulder to talk to him.

I didn’t hear any of their conversation, save for Thibaut asking the dude ‘where he was from’. By the way he clasped his hand to his chest several times, though, I’m inclined to think he was really concerned about the guy. They eventually shook hands and Thibaut made as if to hop back onstage. (The photo was taken as he was leaving.)

Except he couldn’t jump that high. He gave us another shy look and braced his foot against the barriers, perching neatly on the stage before clambering up. He stuck around for about five more minutes to check up on the audience.

I love Thibaut so much. He’s so gentle.

5:34~AM: Holy fuck my bag is full of crap. I haven’t organized it in some time. Discarded cups, beer cans etc have accumulated by my feet, and as I kick them away I’m trying to check my loot is in place and I still have my items. I can’t feel my passport and my blood runs cold for a moment. I turn the camera flash on to look.

“Are you looking for something?” The guy to my left asks worriedly.

I feel my passport in my front pocket. False alarm. “Just organizing my bag.”

(I didn’t see any lost foreign ID or driver licenses on the floor this time.)

5:43AM:

Russian duolingo says fuck millennial lives

5:50~AM: The smoke machine is turned off. I still can’t see for shit, though, because the lights flash rapidly between deep blue and violet and Myd’s hidden behind it.

My last video of the night is timestamped 5:55AM. Myd has a most benevolent smile on his face. He knows the night is drawing to a close.

6:00AM: I did it.

We made it.

I have made it through a Myd set fully and have survived the night.

Myd finished exactly at 6am and exited to a crowd of applause. There are calls for an encore, but given that it's... like, literally morning, it’s not realistic to expect him to stay any longer. Security comes by as soon as he exits, and we all leave Electric Brixton behind at last. The sun has not yet risen. I fall in step with the guy next to me.

Guy: Where are you heading to?

Me: Coach. I came up from Brighton.

Guy: From Brighton?! Was that last night or what?

Me: Yep, two hours before the show. I haven’t eaten or slept all night.

Guy: Wow. [Pause.] Though I think that’s the longest I’ve danced in my entire life, too.

Me: You’re not kidding. I really didn’t think I was going to last beyond Sebastian.

I think he was a Londoner. We say farewells in front of the Electric Brixton bus stop, and I leave for the Underground. My legs are numb and I can barely walk, but somehow I stumble past the barriers and sink into the seats of the train. Back at Victoria Train Station I drop in at Sainsburys for a sandwich and two cans of grape soda, and then realizing I need a resealable container to take on the bus, buy a bottle of Pepsi. The grape soda was just because I really love grape soda and I cannot find a place in Brighton that sells any. It was around 8AM when I finally got on the coach back home.

I had not slept for some twenty hours. I continued to not sleep on the bus. I tried very hard to, but I couldn’t, because I was still buzzing from the adrenaline. It wasn’t until I got home, just after 11AM, that I began to feel sleepy for real. Sig. other made me a cup of tea, and I took the interval to admire some cat slippersocks that had arrived for me in the meantime.

LOOK AT IT.

Overall I’d say this was a fantastic night. I have taken care of unfinished business and seen Sebastian in the flesh. I have, however, come away with another unfinished business to replace the deal with Myd - I should seek out Riton again, the next time he comes here, and deliver a full review of what that was like. To think of the Ed Banger crew making their way across Europe in 2019, with new material and a new Sebastian in tow...

😍😍😍

[seenashwrite]

I feel inept (or worse) with everything I have ever created. How can writers get to the point of confidence and certainty with their works? Is it worth trying to please the masses when we can't please ourselves? Am I poking the bear? It just seems you are a voice of discernment and I am trying to ask the write questions.

This is a tricky kebab to de-skewer, it’s stacked. But not impossible to stomach. It is not, after all, an alt-world crispy lizard.

Cool your jets, Sammy.

Hopefully it’ll be of relief to know that I’m not going to tell you to write because it makes you happy, and write for you, and then the readers will come. Not because it’s not true, but (a) because you know that, and (b) because it’s a bit of a pat answer. Touching on the second part of your question briefly - the whole chumming the water scenario - hypothetically, were you to do this, I waffle in my speculations as to what degree it would be successful due to the doldrums.

Whether it’s cookbook fic or the quality stuff you’re aiming for, people will be able to tell if you’re going through the motions. Well, some won’t, because they aren’t, um, discerning, to borrow your word, and others are just reading for some time-killing fun, and there’s a subset of those folks with wicked senses of humor, so the worse the fic, the better. Having said that, I’m a big proponent of assuming all readers are witty and intelligent, and via the writing, I’m going to treat them as such, and so they’ll know if I’m not feeling it. 

So. Back to that ineptitude feeling part. Spoiler alert: I can’t fix this…

Double spoiler alert: …but you totes can…

Triple spoiler alert: …and there’s some concrete steps you can take to do it vs. trying to Tinkerbell it away with thinking happy thoughts. Because, blerrrgh. Fairies. Nah. #Dean approved

Oh, and also? Since I picked this scab off-and-on over the course of 36 hours when things I wanted to say popped to mind, it mutated. We shall split this into two posts.

Part One: So Do I Just Blow At This Fanfic Stuff?

PS: Dunno if you “know” me, but FYI this should hopefully be an easy read with lotsa snark and gifs interspersed and, oh yeah, potty mouth.

C/P for convenience: 

“I feel inept (or worse) with everything I have ever created. How can writers get to the point of confidence and certainty with their works?”

I’m gonna ask a rhetorical question that’s yours to answer, because no one else can:

Why is that?

I mean in an objective sense, not in a blanket sense of “Well, Nash, you dumb bitch, my self-confidence blows”; what I’m driving at are the non-emotional factors. If we go emotion, you’re gonna start subconsciously lumping things in with the writing part (i/e - putting blame on yourself for other areas of life where you perceive yourself as not being “good enough”), so we should go the other route. Make this as fact-based as possible.

What facts are you basing this on? Do you publish stuff, and not get a lot of hearts/notes/reblogs/followers/etc.? What’re your metrics? Put plainly: Is this you being hard on yourself, or is there something concrete to back it up?

(A person who can’t act, for instance, should probably find something else to do after 20 years of auditioning with no parts. An artist who hasn’t been featured in a show or sold one painting. A chef who can’t make it past the line to sous. You get what I’m saying. There’s undeniable evidence there, because after a lengthy period of time, the chances that no casting director, no curator, and no head chef have picked up on the prowess of these special snowflakes is virtually nil. They blow. Their confidence has morphed into delusion. They need to accept they should stop trying to make fetch happen.)

Now, based upon this—

“Is it worth trying to please the masses when we can’t please ourselves?”

—I’m assuming that’s the case, that part about you having something concrete driving at least part of your self-assessment. My interpretation of your statement (and correct me if I’m not tracking with you) is that you think your style isn’t appealing to majority of the readership ‘round here, ergo it’s feeding this feeling of ineptitude. I can’t offer advice on fixing what other life aspects could be acting as the base of that feeling, but the pile-on feeling from the writing aspect of it, that we can work with.

I’d have to have more information to make a detailed, precise call on whether this is a skill-based scenario, namely - assuming you trust my tastes to a degree - reading your stuff. Which isn’t likely to happen unless you’ve got a sneaky way of recommending it to me via a friend or something a good bit of time from now when this isn’t fresh on my mind*, because I can’t know who you are or connect it to this conversation, or we’re automatically injecting bias.

(*It would have to be a really, really, really long time from now; I have a pretty sharp memory; it’d need to be too far out to be helpful for you in the near future.)

What I can tell about you without reading any of your stories is that you are above average in intelligence and are well-educated, whether formally or self-taught, based upon the words you used and how they are used - and if you thesaurus'ed it, you’re smart enough not to pick glaringly extravagant words - and you were succinct and expressed the issue well, with sincere concern that didn’t go all sad-sack Eeyore.

You can write.

But can you tell a story? Can you capture the essence of known characters and present this with accuracy? Do you have original ideas, which you can distill into interesting plots? Etc.? Again, I can’t know for sure. Now, a way that you could get a taste of what I’d call you on were I acting as your editor?

There is a *plethora* of objective criteria over at The Nail’s HQ, and I’ve recently re-done the pages so they are mobile-friendly (bless octomoosey and his brilliant designs). Like, seriously - they look okay on my laptop and huge-ass desktop monitor, but baby do they shine on phones. #bless octomoosey part deux  The foundation of all of it comes from advice from pros, and whether I/we personally like their stuff or not, they’ve all been highly successful and managed to appeal to the masses while keeping a high bar. They don’t cater to the lowest common denominator. And even though I personally may not love all the fics I put on The Nail in a given edition (‘ships, too shmoopy, too angsty, whatever), they’re solidly hitting, at minimum, at least three of those “guiding standards”.  

Great, so, there’s Nash’s Edit Yourself At Home! kit… which brings me to a disclaimer.

I don’t have mass appeal.

What I do have is a solid, loyal reader base who gives me phenomenal feedback (a handful of them giving me fantastic constructive critique when needed) on the reg, and I couldn’t ask for more. And because I am human and I like knowing people dig what I make and because, as a grown-ass adult, I am capable of assigning value to and caring about two or more things at the same time, I would also totes ask for more - not of them, I mean I’d like more people to join in. I would love to have that lil’ bottom left hand corner sporting a number in the hundreds within the day of publish. That’s motivating. That’s telling me people are into what I make. That’s telling me I am super good at—–

Wait.

That last bit…  Does it? Mean that I’m super-good at it? Does that metric alone paint a good picture of my talent? Hmmmm. Well. How to put.

Oh, but fuck no.

And if that “oh, but fuck no” didn’t serve as a tonal lead-in, let me be clear that this is the part where Nash Shoves Logic Into The Closet And Locks The Door For A Minute, And Vents Her Frustrations, With Which You And Others Reading This Could Perhaps Empathize And Are Giving Me Virtual High Fives And Yasss Gurrrrl-s Through The Screen At Completion Of Rant.

[clears throat]

Have you seen some of the absolute garbage that screams through the Tumblrsphere like a cat with a bell on its tail? Holy moses, is it shit. Same shit, different title. One example of the problems: I don’t recognize Sam or Dean more than half the time. Then I see a bazillionty notes on it, a bunch of feedback on folks’ reblogs, ask-kissing©��™ talking about how the writer captured the guys so perfectly, and they seemed just like they are in the show and… and… and… and… and I’m all:

ARE WE WATCHING THE SAME SHOW?!?!  The men in many of these stories are mannequins/Real Dolls with the faces of JA and JP slapped atop. They are what the writers want them to be, not what the characters are, and it’s lazy because we have 13-odd years of scripts and visuals to glean from, and it takes consideration and practice to pull it off. 

Same goes for working a reader insert, making that person juuuuust vague enough so that readers can actually, um, picture themselves in the role. But what do we get instead? Most of the time there is zero depth to ol’ Y/N. Zip. Nada. She’s so tough, she’s nigh on invulnerable (until she’s not, so she can be saved, and the Mannequin can pine in the meantime), or she’s so fragile and mousy and immature I wanna cunt punt her, or she’s the perfect pussy with next to no flaws, and regardless she’s getting moved into the bunker with an engagement ring and/or Winchester fetus,and ermahgerd, total window-closers.

But they’re clearly doing something right, and they took the time to give us a story free of charge, and….and…. and yet….

(I am aware I am abusing those gifs of late, I’ll get through it, but today is not that day)

Okay, okay, okay, what does this have to do with you - the answer is that you can actually use these atomic farts as a handbook, as well (which ties into Pt.2 of the question, and we’ll get there. Eventually.), assuming you decide you don’t want to chum the waters, and want to do your thing.

(1) The Nail pages are gonna give you some objective things to work with and aim for; 

(2) those truly inept, supposedly based-upon-SPN stories are gonna give you some objective things to avoid like the plague;

And that combo will hopefully….

(3) get a draft out of you that has you sitting back and going, “I’m not 100% that this is gold, but I’ve sure got something shiny, here.”

It’s a feeling of trepidation, it’s not your ultimate goal of “confidence and certainty with [my] works”, but we’ve stepped out of the feeling of ineptitude, and that’s the point. You didn’t arrive at feeling inept overnight, that kebab’s got about four or five veg before it gets to the meat (and several are onions, always with the onions, MORE RED PEPPERS, UNCLE HANK!), so you’re not gonna get to that nice thick sirloin in one sitting, either.

Say, are you a vegetarian? This non-tofu kebab metaphor may be falling flat if so. But transparency and all, I confess I’d rather have alt-world lizard kebab than tofu. Dean, what say you?

He feels me.

One way you’re going to start feeling certain in your works—-

and listen, you know this, but I’ll say it anyway: nobody’s ever 100% certain

—-is when people zero in on specific things you did right, and if they stood out to a reader, they likely stood out to you, so it’s gonna be all “YES!” in your head. When this starts happening, make two documents:

(1) Fic_Feedback_Yes- sort the (positive, praising, specific-things-noted) comments by story - copy them verbatim- read whenever ineptitude feels start creeping back whilst writing/editing story

(2) Fic_Feedback_No- sort the (constructive critique, helpful, specific-things-noted) comments by story - copy them verbatim- read whenever ineptitude feels start creeping back whilst writing/editing story

“Nash, that’s the same fucking thing,” you say.

Yeah, I know.  We ain’t here for ego-feeding, we’re here for confidence, and we don’t get confidence without being aware of not just what we’re nailing, but also of our Achilles’ heels. I joke about “filling the ol’ ego tank”, but it’s legit not an ego thing. Ego things we’re going to touch on in Pt. 2, how it can blind us, and then we’re cranking out stuff that, when cut into, is a dried husk like that turkey in Christmas Vacation.

(WHY do I keep talking about meat)

So, here we are, back to the numbers. Assuming we get you to mild trepidation stage - normal for writers getting into their groove - how do we get you to the point where your stuff is yielding commentary for your docs, for your growth? 

Well, that won’t happen right away, people have to get a feel of you beyond your stories (we’ll talk about that in Pt. 2, as well), so initially it’s going to manifest as hitting the heart, maybe some generic “This is awesome!”-s, maybe some reblogs without commentary, and that’s typical, and we’ll take it, it still goes into your “Mass Appeal” metrics, lets you know you’re getting closer to a broader readership, that you’ve done something/several somethings right….

….which is a nice place to stop Part One. 😉

PART TWO

[duanecbrooks]

"Girl(s)"-Watching     In an earlier article I held forth concerning Baggage Claim, a cinematic black-oriented rom-com that I saw on DVD that I was initially attracted to because of its lively, funny trailer as can be seen on YouTube--and that, as I also disclosed, has made the list of My All-Time Favorite Theatrical Offerings. I have since purchased, and seen, the DVD of another picture that initially caught and held my attention due to the quality of its trailer--which, as is the case with Claim's trailer, is available on YouTube. Namely this flick, which, by the way, started out as a play, is Some Girl(s). It is, let it be said flat-out, a dazzler, laden with searing dialogue, meticulous direction, and--and this is the clincher--genuinely touching and humanistic performances. To catch and stay with Girl(s) from beginning to end is to be on a journey accompanied by a collection of really dimensional, truly flesh-and-blood-and-feeling characters, folks who, although entirely fictional, will certainly, definitely strike chords deep within you. It sincerely is that recognizable, in the human sense, a work.           Before getting into said work, a couple of explanations are in order. First, the story itself has to do with a soon-to-be-wed writer (Adam Brody) traveling around the country re-connecting with different exes and attempting to make amends with them. Secondly, since the structure of Girl(s) is, thanks be to God, honestly individualistic--the picture consists not of some convoluted, showy Plot but of a succession of scenes wherein Brody's character (he is entirely unnamed in the flick, henceforth he'll be referred to The Fellow) re-encounters the aforementioned prior girlfriends and, in various ways, clashes with each of them--what will happen is that the tangiest of the relentlessly tangy dialogue will be spotlighted.               So we commence...             Upon getting back together with Sam (Jennifer Morrison):             .Sam, upon entering The Fellow's hotel room: "I've never been here before. (Pause) Unless you're seeing someone illicitly."             .Sam, after The Fellow tells her of his romantic misadventures after breaking up with her and what he's learned from them: "It's funny how much you know about women--now."           .Sam, after The Fellow does an enormous amount of hemming-and-hawing concerning what this rendezvous with her is about: "[You need to c]ut to the chase because my kid's getting home at 3."         .The Fellow, at last finally cutting to the chase: "I'm here because I want to...right a wrong, make things OK."               .Sam, incredulously: "You want to air this [past romantic] stuff [that was between us] now?"         .Sam, after The Fellow does his buck-and-wing as to how "we [supposedly he and Sam] broke up": "There was no 'we.' It was you! You ended it."                 .The Fellow, regarding Sam: "You were a girl I could take a glance at and see her whole future."       .The Fellow, at last finally fessing up: "I suppose I got nervous and backed out of the situation [with you] the best way I knew how."                   .Sam, becoming frustrated about this whole deal: "I don't want to be thinking about this [past] shit [with you] now! I'm a wife and a mother!"                 .Sam, her frustration growing: "We talked about getting engaged but not this [situation they're now in]!"     .Sam, in her final comment to The Fellow before taking off: "Married, huh? Good for you." And off she goes. For good.             Upon getting back together with the ever-flirtatious Tyler (Mia Maestro):               .Tyler, upon The Fellow's telling her of his personal and professional triumphs: "Married? Holy shit! And New Yorker magazine [published you] in the same year."           .Tyler, upon seductively suggesting that she and The Fellow have a one-night stand and The Fellow demurring, citing his upcoming marriage: "Even if it just happens here, with nobody the wiser?"             .Tyler, upon The Fellow's breaking down and coming on to her: "Don't forget your [wedding] vow thingy."               .Tyler, in response to The Fellow telling her of "this whole [marriage] thing I'm about to embark upon": "It's not a cruise."                 Upon getting back together with the mega-bitter, mega-resentful Lindsay (Emily Watson):           .Lindsay, sarcastically initiating conversation: "So the prodigal son returns."             .Lindsay, continuing to throw her darts: "This is the part where you say something charming in return. That's why they call it 'banter.'"             .Lindsay, hurling yet another dart: "You left at the end of the second semester, so you have...no idea how it was for me."             .Lindsay, keeping up her dart-throwing: "How do you help me get back some of the dignity I lost?"               .More Lindsay dart-hurling: "You are quite capable of fucking me. You used to do it all the time."     .The final last thrown Lindsay dart, this one concerning The Fellow's profession of love and devotion to her: "You were good at [claiming that you cared about me]. Making an honest...woman like me fall for it, gobble it up."               Upon getting back together with the ever-giggly, ever-girlish Reggie (Zoe Kazan):             .Reggie, after using a somewhat foreign (to her) word: "Is that a word--'happenstance'?"           .Sam, acknowledging a key character flaw of his to Reggie: "I have never been good at keeping up with everyone from school. You want to know a secret? I'm not even on Facebook."             .Reggie, upon catching The Fellow in a lie: "You're not really good at making stuff up, are you?...Not for a man who makes his living doing it."               .Reggie, disclosing her genuine past attitude toward The Fellow: "I used to watch you. You were the favorite of [my childhood girlfriend] Kelly's friends."             .The Fellow, upon discovering a previously-unknown (to him) layer of Reggie: "I didn't even know you kept a journal! At 11?"             .Reggie, telling The Fellow of how she, too, once wrote a tale of fiction: "Like you did in your story. Only without all the--what do you call 'em?--motifs."           .Reggie, getting into she and The Fellow's past together: "Your hand was there [upon my body]. Slipping into my panties."               .Reggie, flatly refusing to let The Fellow off the hook for taking sexual advantage of her: "I was the kid. I was the little girl...You were a man...Maybe you couldn't vote or go to war, but you had a car and everything...You had no right to [exploit me sexually]. Ever!"             .Reggie, upon, before leaving, very soulfully kissing The Fellow: "That's what a woman kisses like. You feel the difference?"               Upon getting back together with the sensitive-yet-far-from-malleable Bobbi (Kristen Bell):           .Bobbi, upon The Fellow's relating to her his plan to revisit his exes and see whether or not there's any bad blood: "So I was one of [those exes], huh? The lucky ones."                 .There's this dialogue between The Fellow and Bobbi regarding the former's emotional/psychological self, the former is the first speaker, Bobbi the second:                                           "Part of your life begins to come up for you."                                     "Like vomit?"             .Bobbi, again commenting on The Fellow's visit-exes-and-see-whether-or-not-there's-any-hard-feelings strategy: "Well, I'm glad I made the cut."             .Bobbi, becoming sincerely pissed at what is in effect The Fellow's plying his snow job: "Just don't do some pathetic thing like pretending to smooth things over."                 .Bobbi, upon giving The Fellow a gift certificate and him at first refusing: "Just please don't be an asshole about this. Just take it!"                   .Bobbi, spiritedly rejecting The Fellow's attempts to gloss things over: "I don't need any friends! Let me be more specific: I don't need you!"                 .Bobbi, when The Fellow tries to smooth things over by serving up the I-didn't-mean-any-harm gambit: "Fuck you!...It's not about the meaning, it's about the doing!"               .Bobbi, still staunchly refusing to give The Fellow a free ride: "When you do what you do [sexually exploit females], people get hurt!...It makes you more than just an ex-boyfriend. It makes you a killer, an assassin, an emotional terrorist."                 .The Fellow, at last finally honestly attempting to make amends: "I've done a host of things that, if you nit-pick, look pretty awful stacked up...I'm not doing this [going around to his exes and trying to set things right] haphazardly, it's for Esquire...I may have done a lot of stupid things, but I was young!"                   .Bobbi's final last words before she leaves, in a quiet, weary tone: "It's very late...It's late." Referencing said gift certificate, in the same modest, tired voice: "It's for 100 dollars." Then Bobbi leaves.                 Next we see The Fellow upon a plane, presumably heading back home, making loving small talk with his intended via cell phone. Afterward his eyes meet with those of this hot young blonde flight attendant (Kathleen Christy) and they smile fondly at each other. The clear inference is that, despite The Fellow's upcoming wedding, they'll eventually get together sexually.             And thus we have Some Girl(s), an often gripping, frequently affecting, always, always deeply human multiple portrait of relationships, of sexual politics, indeed, of love itself. Adam Brody, coming off (for me) his mega-successful turn as Paula Patton's dyed-in-the-wool-homosexual co-conspirator/best buddy in Baggage Claim is, if anything, even better here, deftly constructing an often heart-rending portrayal of a guy who is either unable or unwilling to freely acknowledge, even to himself, that his efforts to make up for his past sexual crimes, however sincere and however well-meant, amount to too little too late. Kathleen Christy offers just the right helpings of flirtatiousness and expectation as the flight attendant who, at the end, lights The Fellow's fire. Neil LaBute, adapting his own stage work, shows that a first-class theatrical script can also be a first-class cinematic script. And director Daisy vonScherler Mayer quite adeptly orchestrates both the interaction of the players and The Fellow's various travels.               That leaves the women with whom The Fellow re-connects. All of them are expert, with two standouts. The first is Emily Watson, flinging her vengeful venom at The Fellow with the kind of stiff-upper-lip dignity and oh-how-you-hurt-me bravado that, far from turning us against her, have us feeling her pain and admiring her for fully refusing to be any sort of wounded bird. And then there's Kristen Bell. Currently riding high thanks to her leading-lady role on the rather fluffy television sitcom The Good Place, she sincerely reaches her pinnacle here, skillfully blending open-faced girlishness, lingering hurt, and steely resilience with the ease and the grace of a champion poker player handling cards. When she closes the door behind her after walking out, we feel the same devastation as does The Fellow--although, unlike his, it's mixed with firm respect and, indeed, admiration for so forcefully holding her own against him.                 It was the powerhouse actor Viola Davis, accepting her (richly well-earned) Best Supporting Actress Golden Globe Award for her performance in Fences, who said, in part, that adapting a play, even a highly-esteemed play, for the big screen "doesn't scream 'moneymaker.' But it does scream 'art.' It does scream 'heart.'" Patty West and Chris Schwartz and Andrew Carlberg--Girl(s)'s producers--have, in bringing the aforementioned play to the large screen, brought us a work that indeed freely scream both "art" and "heart." And it is we cinemagoers who are the beneficiaries.

[theinvinciblenoob]

The Portal is a head scratcher. It’s a chat app that manifested itself into a hardware through sheer force of will. The first commercially available product from Building 8 isn’t as instantly iconic a piece of hardware as Snap’s Spectacles. In fact, at first glance, the device seems like little more than an Echo Show/Google Home Hub competitor.

And then there’s the matter of timing. In a meeting with TechCrunch ahead of launch, Facebook’s hardware team was quick to list the various ways the company is proactively protecting user privacy, from a camera button to a physical lens cap. The social media giant has always been a lighting rod for these issues, but 2018 has been particularly tough, for reasons summed up well in Taylor’s simply titled post, “Facebook, are you kidding?”

What’s most peculiar, however, is in this age of multi-tasking devices, the Facebook Portal and Portal+ are devices that are designed to do one thing really well. Rather than pushing to develop a true Echo competitor, Facebook’s first ground-up piece of hardware is essentially a teleconferencing device for friends and family.

It is, in the product’s defense, one wrapped in solid hardware design with some clever choices throughout. If the Portal ultimately winds up lining the thrift store shelves of history, it won’t be due to choices Facebook made to serve its core competency.

Rather, it will be due to the fact that the product team has neglected some other features in the name of focusing on video chat — a feature that’s got no shortage of delivery devices. Facebook told me that Portal’s other features will be updated based on user feedback — almost as if the company is unsure what, precisely, customers would want from such a device outside of video chat.

The timing of the device is certainly telling. Facebook is clearly banking on selling a lot of Portals for the holidays. You can practically see the ads playing out, as some melancholy voice sings the beginning strains of “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” The first spot isn’t as on the nose, but similar heart-strings are tugged, as evidenced by the “Feel There” title. That’s Facebook’s pitch in a nutshell: We know it sucks you can’t be with your nieces and nephews or elderly parents right now, but hopefully this screen will do the trick.

From a hardware design perspective standpoint, I’m on board. The smaller Portal looks quite a bit like Lenovo’s Google Assistant-powered Smart Display, albeit with the different speaker placement. I’m into it. Lenovo’s device is probably the best-looking smart screen around, and the Portal is an identical cousin with a slightly different haircut.

The Portal+ — the model that’s been hanging on my office desk for a few days now — is the more innovative of the two products from an industrial design perspective. It is, essentially, an ultra-wide 15.6-inch tablet mounted atop a tall, thin base. The display is connected to the base via a joint that allows it to swivel smoothly between portrait and landscape mode.

The screen is 1080p — plenty good for video chat, and a big step up from the Echo Show and (especially) Google Home Hub. Of course, the large footprint means it’s going to be tough for those in smaller spaces to find an ideal spot (says the guy living in a one-bedroom apartment in New York City). At present, it’s sitting atop my AirPort router.

The all-important camera is positioned an inch above the screen, like an unblinking eye of Sauron. The 12-megapixel camera can do 5x zoom and capture movement within a 140-degree range. The four-mic array flanks the lens on either side, doing double duty of listening to commands and noise canceling during chats.

Along the narrow top ridge are three inductive buttons — two volume, one to turn off the camera and mic. When you hit that last one, a notification will pop up on screen, and a small red light will illuminate just to the right of the camera, for added assurance. As an extra measure, Facebook also tossed in a plastic clip to physically cover the camera.

I found myself making a point to keep the lens cap on the majority of the time when I was using the device to chat. When I was talking to someone, I slipped it to the side, but kept it clipped on the base. The little piece of plastic is pretty easily lost. If Facebook does end up making another one of these, a mechanical lens cap like the kind you find on a point and shoot camera is probably the way to go.

The button placement is a bit of a shit show. The way I have the Portal+ set up on my desk, the buttons are above eye-level. Makes sense, you want the display right around your face, you know, to look at it. This means when I want to, say, change the volume, I find myself fiddling in the dark for them. Given that they’ve got no tactility, I invariably end up hitting the wrong one, more often than not jacking up the volume in the process.

Similarly, I often end up hitting a button or two when attempting to clip on the lens cap. Next time out, Facebook needs to either go with physical buttons or find a better spot to place them — tough, I know, given the odd shape of the thing.

The screen placement ensures that the display doesn’t obscure the camera in either portrait or landscape — though when swiveling, the corners do eclipse the shot. When in portrait, the bottom of the display does block roughly half of the bottom speaker. This is a bit of a design flaw, though surprisingly, it doesn’t dampen the sound as much as I’d initially expected. That said, when you’re using the device to listen to music, keep it in landscape mode. In fact, I found myself keeping it that way the majority of the time I was using it, regardless.

The sound quality on the thing is decent. I haven’t had a chance to put it up against the standard Portal, but the deluxe version sports a more complex speaker array — 20w (2 tweeters, single 4-inch bass) versus 10w (2 full-range drivers). Like all of these smart displays, I’m not going to recommend this as your default home stereo, but I’ve been using it to listen to Spotify all day, and have been largely enjoying the experience.

The Portal’s interface is an extremely bare-bones experience. The UI flips between two primary cards. The primary is, naturally, a list of your Facebook contacts. Up top are the six you most regularly chat with, and below are your hand-picked favorites. One of the nice bits here is that the people you speak with don’t actually need a Portal to talk. They can chat with you on their phone or computer.

Swipe left and you get a screen full of large icons. From here you can click into Facebook videos or pick from your Portal apps — Food Network, iHeartRadio, Newsy, Pandora and Spotify by default.

Click into the apps icon and you’ll find that that’s really all there is for Portal apps at the moment. Thin soup doesn’t really begin to describe it. It’s a decent enough starting point, but honestly, Facebook doesn’t seem particularly interested in courting more developers or opening up the API to all comers. Again, the company is taking a very wait and see approach to just about everything here.

Still, Portal does bring some interesting innovation to video chat. To trigger the function, say “Hey Portal” and then “call [enter name here].” Simple enough. Though the actual “Hey Portal” features are essentially limited to things like making calls and putting the unit to sleep. Anything beyond that and poor Portal gets confused. Even something like “Hey Portal, turn off camera” is met with an “I can’t do that yet” in Portal’s uneven speech pattern.

For everything else, Portal defaults to Alexa — functionality you can add during the setup process. That the system relies on Amazon’s smart assistant to do much of the heavy lifting here further makes one wonder why Facebook expects users to adopt its product over the Echo.

Portal’s greatest trick is its automatic zooming and panning. Using built-in AI, the system automatically tracks users and follows them around the frame. So you can, say, cook dinner while chatting and Portal will be with you the whole way. The camera will also pan in and out as additional people enter and leave the room, keeping them all in frame. While chatting with Sarah Perez (who was using the standard Portal on the other end), the camera even zoomed in on her dog when she left the room for a moment.

The zooming is smooth and the effect is impressive, owing in part to the fact that the team worked with a Hollywood cinematographer to help polish its execution. By default it moves a bit too much for my liking, slowly zooming in and out in a way that can may you low-level seasick — though you can adjust the sensitivity in settings.

My second favorite part in video chat is the ability to share songs via Spotify, Pandora and iHeartMusic. When I start playing something on my end, Sarah hears it, too. And we can both adjust our individual volumes. You can also pair the system to Bluetooth speakers or headphones, if that’s more to your liking.

This being Facebook, the system comes equipped with AR-style photo filters — 15 in all (with more coming, no doubt). You can turn yourself into a werewolf, add a disco ball — you know, the usual. They do a good job tracking your movements and add an extra little dimension of fun to the system.

Story time is another fun feature for those Portaling with young children. On your side, you’ll see a teleprompter with a story — on theirs, it’s you embedded inside an AR storybook like the Three Pigs. There are only a few stories at launch, but then most kids enjoy repetition, right?

So I sent my mom that newfangled Facebook Portal

Like the Home Hub, Portal defaults to a makeshift digital picture frame when not in use. Naturally, it defaults to photos and videos from your Facebook feed. As someone who doesn’t really use Facebook to put my life on display, the Superframe feature wasn’t really by bag, though the ability to display info like the weather and reminders of things like friends’ birthdays was nice.

Above all, Portal is a bit of a one-hit wonder. Admittedly, it does that one thing (video chat) fairly well, and at $200 for the Portal and $349 for the Portal+, it’s certainly priced competitively (and in spite of Facebook’s insistence otherwise, may be a bit of a loss leader). But it’s a hard sell compared to more well-rounded devices like the Echo Show and Google Home Hub.

And, of course, there’s all the privacy baggage that inviting Facebook into your home entails. Between the camera/speaker disabling button, lens cap, localized AI and the promise not to eavesdrop or spy, Facebook has gone out of its way to ensure users that it’s not using the device as a portal into your own privacy. But given the kind of year the company’s been having, for many potential buyers not even all of that is likely to be enough.

There’s a default screen saver on the device that asks “Hey Portal, what can you do?” It’s meant, of course, to prompt you to click through and discover new features. But it’s an important question — and in its current iteration, it’s not one for which Portal is able to offer a particularly compelling answer.

via TechCrunch

[ladpad-blog1]

Mini Arcade Machine

Mini Arcade Machine

Pretend to be a giant with a time machine with this super tiny retro games console. It comes with a 5cm colour LCD screen and 250 games!

Via Qwerkity

  Mini Arcade Machine

Pretend to be a giant with a time machine with this super tiny retro games console. It comes with a 5cm colour LCD screen and 250 games!

Via Qwerkity

  Lock N load Alarm Clock

All alarm clocks will shut up when you shoot it. But this one you can shoot again and again if you use the gun provided and not your own.

Via Amazon

HUBSAN X4 FPV Drone

This quad-copter comes with a HD camera, Has follow me function and GPS Fail-safes. Spying on the neighbours has never been easier.  The best part is that it is only £300!

Via Menkind

  the moon by 1 ring

Google assistant and Amazon Alexa have stiff competition with this new invention from 1 ring. This hovering camera can control your devices in your home all by voice and you can see though its eyes with your phone. We have ours in the bathroom.

Via 1-ring.net

POWERUP FPV

This Incredible paper plane attachment has a carbon fibre polypropylene frame. The build-in camera sends a direct video to your phone or google cardboard to give you a pilots eye view with full controls. It comes with many different designs to try out. It even has auto take off and crash detection!

Via Menkind

  Cozmo the Robot

This Functional desktop robot has an expressive personality designed by Pixar Studios. He makes the perfect desktop toy.

Via Amazon

  ToroFlux Interactive Flow Toy

Fidget spinners are for kids, this is a mans fidget toy! Its like a three dimensional slinky for your arm.

Via Amazon

World’s smallest Quadcopter

Jealous of the guys flying their big expensive quadcopters but never leave your mancave long enough to fly one? No problem, this tiny drone is perfect for indoor flying.

Portal 2 USB Sentry Turret

A movement sensitive Portal 2 Turret for your desktop, full of classic phrases just as you would expect. Things like “I see you” and “There you are” will be said when it spots movement. When it starts to get annoying just give it a slap and knock it over for more sounds like “I don’t hate you”

DIY Porsche Engine kit

1966 Porsche 911 flat six engine. A combination of 280 solid and transparent pieces that can be hopefully be assembled into something that looks like this picture.

ATARI FLASHBACK 7

This awesome retro games console comes with 101 games and wireless joysticks. You can also plug in your original Atari peripherals if that’s your thing.

Doggy Style Pencil Sharpener

Ever felt the need to ram the pointy end of your pencil into your boss? Then this pencil sharpener is for you. Enjoy hours of fun reenacting your nasty fantasies while at work.

Weather Station with remote-controlled clock

The best part about being from the UK is that I get to talk about the weather a lot. That makes my very own weather station a very useful gadget indeed.

Bullshit Alert Button

Surrounded with people that are liberal with the truth? Add this button to your life and let them know you have had enough of their shit. We have ours on our desks at ladpad HQ.

Digital Sundial

This sundial cleverly displays the time in digital by having lots of little dots that project the sun’s rays depending where it is in the sky. The best thing is it is free!  If you have a 3D printer you can download the file from Thingiverse below.

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

This book content is probably self-explanatory due to the title, but the comments on amazon are some of the funniest I have read. for example “Yeah you shouldn’t but that made me more curious! I’m on page 19 now and have done the honours on each page.” proudly posted by kaisersoze

Segway miniPRO

This Segway has a knee bar that is used for more precise steering than a typical hover board. Somehow this awesome futuristic machine balances on its own, we can only assume by using black magic. It is not at all a modern day Sinclair C5 so there is no shame in rocking up to a date on this badboy.   (not available in the UK)

 Music Activated Car Stickers 

This sticker animates a graphic equaliser that moves in time to the music, it is powered by 12v and can plug into your cigarette lighter. why not cover the windows you don’t use in a distracting, moving, bright light!

Batman symbol projector

This awesome gadget projects the batman symbol onto any surface up to 10 metres away. You never know when you will be attacked by the Joker so keep this light close by. Seriously, how could you not want this?

Moog Mother-32

Moog Synthesizer. The definitive Moog sound is instantly recognisable, this baby has a voltage controlled 32 step sequencer, Low pass & high pass Moog ladder filter with voltage controlled resonance. It comes with external audio input for processing outside sound sources.

DJI Inspire Quadcopter

Never before has such power been put into a ready-to-fly system that anyone can fly. It comes with a 3-axis gimbal stabilised 4K camera, so plenty of quality video footage of next doors cat. Add a mobile device or screen for live HD view. This beauty is not cheap so don’t let your mates have a go. (not available in the UK)

  Campark 4K Sport Camera

This action camera will record your video footage in 4K Ultra HD at 30 frames per second and capture images at 16 megapixels. With a wide angle 170 degree lens. It uses a SONY sensor and is under £70. (not available in USA) This camera comes with a full water-proof case perfect if you are into water sports.

Football Table Indoor

you can tell this is some high-end stuff when the ball is made from precision grinding with state-of-the-industry roundness. (so cylindrical ground then). Perfect for when your mates come round after the pub on a Friday night,  when they are gone you can change it back to freeplay mode easily.  This will help pay off the loan you will need to buy it. (not available in USA)

The Cockpit Flight Simulator

Realistic graphics are displayed by a 32″ wide-screen LCD monitor that provides 1080i high-definition resolution. A second 21″ LCD monitor sits below, providing instrument panels that simulate a faithful flight experience.  And for $9000 I would assume it comes with a stewardess.

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Mini Arcade Machine was originally published on LadPad

[bestlivesexwebcams]

The 411 on Cam Soda

Our favorite part of this job is reviewing live sex cam websites until our ball sacks are desert dry. That collective dream we had to fuck every girl in the world is now more possible than ever, with virtual hookers popping up out of the woodwork from every corner of the world. We’ve learned that it’s not always about how hot the bitches are. Most often, what really matters is the quality of the site itself – the special features (if any), the number of hosts associated, and the type of membership available.

We like to dig around and get nosey when it comes to live sex cam sites, mostly because there are so many out there. An inexperienced person might be easily lured into an expensive but disappointing trap by misleading pictures and/or clips of sexy babes, only to sign up for a costly membership and gain access to nappy skanks you wouldn’t fuck with someone else’s dick. We’ve seen it 1,000 times.

So instead, we took it upon ourselves to check out Cam Soda for ya’ll before you become a statistic. This site is one of the more popular destinations for horny trolls, with several “inspiring” features that are designed to make this shit simple for anybody. So far, so good, Cam Soda. What else you got?

Who, What, When, Why, How?

Unlike many other live sex cam sites that claim to be legit, Cam Soda is actually backed up by lengthy Terms of Use and Privacy Policy agreements that look like they were written by someone at NASA. This online fuck hub even has two different versions – a simple classic version that is compatible with most older browsers, and a new version that is sexy, streamlined, and ideal for mobile devices and/or updated web browsers. We tried them both, and we have to say the updated interface is kick ass.

On both versions, a little window with a fuck bunny pops up in the corner when you navigate to the page. These bitches waste no time. You can click it or use the search tool to find someone better, although the classic search tool is a pain in the ass to use compared to the updated version. Either way you go, hundreds of models await your time, attention, and cash, with categories ranging from “pulling hair” to “domination.” Think: FetLife, if it were more organized and less disgusting.

Now, you can’t get anywhere on Cam Soda without registering for an account/membership, so don’t even bother if you’re not willing to do so. We suggest setting up an address that’s just for this site because you’ll receive more mail than Meg Ryan. Luckily you can opt out of communications and notifications, but not before confirming your account all that jazz. That’s usually all it takes to let the cat out of the bag.

How Does This Work?

Cam Soda works a lot like the live sex cam sites we’re used to, and that’s probably because it’s hosted as part of the enormous CumTV network. This esteemed affiliation is what allows members to access live and lustful goodies on the site via phone, tablet, or computer. In fact, there are several ways to enjoy the free shit that’s being offered up to you (after you become a paying member, that is):

Stream a wet pussy in a live cam show

Be entertained by an erotic chat session

Watch a live or recorded strip tease

Browse through nude photos

Enjoy the kind of cybersex that would make Ron Jeremy blush

Cam Soda has only one membership type, since we’re on the subject: Free. We’re not even kidding. The catch is that each model gets to run shit: the schedule, the pace, the time limit. However, the good thing about being a virtual pimp on Cam Soda is that you can get your hoes to do anything, from fingering and fisting to role-playing and BDSM. In other words, you’ll probably be the only reserved person on the site. We suggest working on that though, because Cam Soda has a special little feature called “Cam-to-Cam” and well, that shit is a blast.

Who’s on the Site?

One thing we noticed when checking out this site is that there is A LOT of unique variety. Both versions allow users to search for what they like, but Cam Soda has an “advanced search” option for dudes who know exactly what they want: a big breasted Asian MILF who loves ass play. We’re 10 steps ahead of you. Categories include debauchery like:

Teen 18+

Mature

Pornstars

Asian, Ebony, Latina, Indian, Middle Eastern, Dominican, and White

BBW

Anal

Cream-Pie

Tranny

Couples

Gay, Bi-Sexual, and Lesbian

Blondes, Brunettes, White Hair, and Redheads

Tattoos

Amateur

Cam Soda is certainly the place to go if you’re sick of monotonous porn and tired of wining and dining bitches to get some pussy. This site even has its own blog that features up-to-the-minute industry info, news about the girls and their career, and an open forum to ask questions. The entire site can be switched to different languages as well, so all the girls can communicate without barriers. We don’t know if you’re into that kind of thing, but we think it’s pretty cool of Cam Soda anyway.

What’s in It for Me?

You only need to register on Cam Soda because of the Privacy Act which requires users of these sites to be 18 or older. Other than that, you won’t be bothered to enter massive amounts of personal information to get started. We liked that shit for sure, especially considering the entire site is free to use for anyone who passes the initial carbon-dating test.

The XXX shows found here are available 24/7, although you do have to arrange live shows with the model due to the way the site is set up. That’s a small price to pay for free fucking, but what do we know? Most models are online quite a bit, and communicating with them is super easy. Cam Soda also features a number of fun clubs that come with perks (as in: extra favors from the performers and other naughty members). And keep in mind that, while membership and registration is free, tipping the girls is considered damn near mandatory. Don’t fuck this up for yourself by being a cheap bastard.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

We mentioned before that sometimes the quality of the site outshines the quality of the models. We will say it again: Cam Soda does a better job at organizing the inventory than performing quality control on the bitches. Nevertheless, there are a lot of smoking hot hoes online at any given moment, and the site’s convenient and well-appointed search engine makes it easy to sift through the riffraff.

For the most part, the cams used for the virtual fuck sessions on Cam Soda are high quality, although they’re certainly not the best we’ve ever seen. Most of the cams are done in HD, although some of them look like they were shot during the Middle Ages. Again, that’s sort of a small price to pay for cost-free fucking if you ask us (and you did). You also asked us to sum it up for you, so here goes nothing:

PROS

Free Bird – Since “free” is always in the budget, we had no complaints whatsoever about the cost of using Cam Soda. Even the tipping “expectations” were reasonable.

Outside the Box – While the site offers dozens of pre-determined categories, users can specify their own preferences and an on-site algorithm will direct them to the perfect hoe. You gotta love science.

Trend Setter – Cam Soda is an up-and-coming live sex cam website with plenty of room to grow, so you know there will be plenty more to cum (pun intended).

Quick Pick – The models have a rapid response time when contact is initiated, almost as though they’re as horny and pent up as you are.

Have Your People Call My People – Scheduling live private sessions with a model is usually easy as long as you’re not a creep and you tip accordingly.

Get Professional Help – Cam Soda has customer service representatives available for questions, comments, or concerns and we thought that was mighty nice of them.

International Affairs – Get your fuck on no matter what language you speak. No lingual discrimination here.

CONS

You Get What You Pay For – Considering Cam Soda is free to join and use, there are some features that are missing or of lower quality than you might like. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Hello, Are You There? – Yes, there are a bunch of categories and hundreds of models online at any given moment, but some categories only have one or two bitches logged on and that can make shit kind of lame.

Now Hiring – It seems like the same group of hoes has been on Cam Soda since 1846. They might want to think about hosting a job fair or some shit; we don’t know.

Wannabe – Cam Soda features hundreds of models, which might sound awesome until you realize that some live sex cam sites feature thousands of hoes.

Attitude Problems – Some of the models are very impatient skanks, but then again, we are cranky bitches too when our balls are on fire, so we can’t really blame them (but we will anyway).

Put Some Pep in Your Step! – When you contact customer service for questions or concerns, be prepared to wait a while for a response from an agent. They’re not exactly the most punctual people, unfortunately.

When Judgment Day Comes

You just can’t deny the fact that Cam Soda is solid competition for the more esteemed live sex cam sites out there. While there may be several hiccups that still need to be worked out by the design and admin teams in charge, we can’t complain about the inevitable outcome that results from exploring the categories. We did, in fact, jizz until our spines snapped. We did, in fact, have a great time once we found a model we liked. We did, in fact, recommend Cam Soda to a couple of our horny friends when we got drunk one night at a dinner party.

One thing we noticed after we sobered our asses up was the sheer number of strict restrictions applied to the membership agreement. Listed on the Terms of Use page are line after line of boundaries you can’t cross. We suggest taking a quick gander at that shit before initiating contact with any of the models. Some of them are real sticklers on the rules (we really don’t like bitches like that). Overall though, most of the girls (and guys) are down-to-earth and ready for fun.

Compared to other live sex cam websites out there, we’d say this one is similar in several ways, although its different in just as many. However, it stands in a small category of sites that is absolutely free to join, user-friendly for PC and/or mobile members, and features a multi-lingual interface that makes it internationally inviting (and that brings in some super freaks from our experience). We weren’t big fans of the camera quality on some of the shows as it was very grainy and often inconsistent, but the performer’s willingness to please more than made up for that in most cases.

On our coveted scale of 1 to 10, Cam Soda gets a 7.5 but only because we think it will get better once more people know about it, or at least once more models join with high-quality cameras. The basic foundations of some good stuff can be found here. But just like all innovations in this industry, it might take a while before the juice becomes worth the squeeze. We don’t necessarily regret our drunken recommendation of this site to our horny friends, but then again, we hope they thought more highly of it than we did, or else they may never listen to a word we say again.

from Best Live Sex Web Cams http://www.bestlivesexwebcams.com/sex-chat-sites/camsoda/

[ladpad-blog1]

Undead Ted

Undead Ted

Treat your child this Halloween with this cute seasonal teddy bear. Perfect for the naughty child with everything.

Via UndeadTeds

Lock N load Alarm Clock

All alarm clocks will shut up when you shoot it. But this one you can shoot again and again if you use the gun provided and not your own.

Via Amazon

HUBSAN X4 FPV Drone

This quad-copter comes with a HD camera, Has follow me function and GPS Fail-safes. Spying on the neighbours has never been easier.  The best part is that it is only £300!

Via Menkind

  the moon by 1 ring

Google assistant and Amazon Alexa have stiff competition with this new invention from 1 ring. This hovering camera can control your devices in your home all by voice and you can see though its eyes with your phone. We have ours in the bathroom.

Via 1-ring.net

POWERUP FPV

This Incredible paper plane attachment has a carbon fibre polypropylene frame. The build-in camera sends a direct video to your phone or google cardboard to give you a pilots eye view with full controls. It comes with many different designs to try out. It even has auto take off and crash detection!

Via Menkind

  Cozmo the Robot

This Functional desktop robot has an expressive personality designed by Pixar Studios. He makes the perfect desktop toy.

Via Amazon

  ToroFlux Interactive Flow Toy

Fidget spinners are for kids, this is a mans fidget toy! Its like a three dimensional slinky for your arm.

Via Amazon

World’s smallest Quadcopter

Jealous of the guys flying their big expensive quadcopters but never leave your mancave long enough to fly one? No problem, this tiny drone is perfect for indoor flying.

Portal 2 USB Sentry Turret

A movement sensitive Portal 2 Turret for your desktop, full of classic phrases just as you would expect. Things like “I see you” and “There you are” will be said when it spots movement. When it starts to get annoying just give it a slap and knock it over for more sounds like “I don’t hate you”

DIY Porsche Engine kit

1966 Porsche 911 flat six engine. A combination of 280 solid and transparent pieces that can be hopefully be assembled into something that looks like this picture.

ATARI FLASHBACK 7

This awesome retro games console comes with 101 games and wireless joysticks. You can also plug in your original Atari peripherals if that’s your thing.

Doggy Style Pencil Sharpener

Ever felt the need to ram the pointy end of your pencil into your boss? Then this pencil sharpener is for you. Enjoy hours of fun reenacting your nasty fantasies while at work.

Weather Station with remote-controlled clock

The best part about being from the UK is that I get to talk about the weather a lot. That makes my very own weather station a very useful gadget indeed.

Bullshit Alert Button

Surrounded with people that are liberal with the truth? Add this button to your life and let them know you have had enough of their shit. We have ours on our desks at ladpad HQ.

Digital Sundial

This sundial cleverly displays the time in digital by having lots of little dots that project the sun’s rays depending where it is in the sky. The best thing is it is free!  If you have a 3D printer you can download the file from Thingiverse below.

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

This book content is probably self-explanatory due to the title, but the comments on amazon are some of the funniest I have read. for example “Yeah you shouldn’t but that made me more curious! I’m on page 19 now and have done the honours on each page.” proudly posted by kaisersoze

Segway miniPRO

This Segway has a knee bar that is used for more precise steering than a typical hover board. Somehow this awesome futuristic machine balances on its own, we can only assume by using black magic. It is not at all a modern day Sinclair C5 so there is no shame in rocking up to a date on this badboy.   (not available in the UK)

 Music Activated Car Stickers 

This sticker animates a graphic equaliser that moves in time to the music, it is powered by 12v and can plug into your cigarette lighter. why not cover the windows you don’t use in a distracting, moving, bright light!

Batman symbol projector

This awesome gadget projects the batman symbol onto any surface up to 10 metres away. You never know when you will be attacked by the Joker so keep this light close by. Seriously, how could you not want this?

Moog Mother-32

Moog Synthesizer. The definitive Moog sound is instantly recognisable, this baby has a voltage controlled 32 step sequencer, Low pass & high pass Moog ladder filter with voltage controlled resonance. It comes with external audio input for processing outside sound sources.

DJI Inspire Quadcopter

Never before has such power been put into a ready-to-fly system that anyone can fly. It comes with a 3-axis gimbal stabilised 4K camera, so plenty of quality video footage of next doors cat. Add a mobile device or screen for live HD view. This beauty is not cheap so don’t let your mates have a go. (not available in the UK)

  Campark 4K Sport Camera

This action camera will record your video footage in 4K Ultra HD at 30 frames per second and capture images at 16 megapixels. With a wide angle 170 degree lens. It uses a SONY sensor and is under £70. (not available in USA) This camera comes with a full water-proof case perfect if you are into water sports.

Football Table Indoor

you can tell this is some high-end stuff when the ball is made from precision grinding with state-of-the-industry roundness. (so cylindrical ground then). Perfect for when your mates come round after the pub on a Friday night,  when they are gone you can change it back to freeplay mode easily.  This will help pay off the loan you will need to buy it. (not available in USA)

The Cockpit Flight Simulator

Realistic graphics are displayed by a 32″ wide-screen LCD monitor that provides 1080i high-definition resolution. A second 21″ LCD monitor sits below, providing instrument panels that simulate a faithful flight experience.  And for $9000 I would assume it comes with a stewardess.

#pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv.pt-cv-post-border .pt-cv-content-item { border-top-width: 1px; border-left-width: 1px; border-top-style: solid; border-left-style: solid; border-top-color: #ececec; border-left-color: #ececec; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-title a, #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .panel-title { font-weight: 600 !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-readmore { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-readmore:hover { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv + .pt-cv-pagination-wrapper .pt-cv-more , #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv + .pt-cv-pagination-wrapper .pagination .active a { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; }

Undead Ted was originally published on LadPad

[ladpad-blog1]

HUBSAN X4 FPV Drone

HUBSAN X4 FPV Drone

This quad-copter comes with a HD camera, Has follow me function and GPS Fail-safes. Spying on the neighbours has never been easier.  The best part is that it is only £300!

Via Menkind

  Lock N load Alarm Clock

All alarm clocks will shut up when you shoot it. But this one you can shoot again and again if you use the gun provided and not your own.

Via Amazon

HUBSAN X4 FPV Drone

This quad-copter comes with a HD camera, Has follow me function and GPS Fail-safes. Spying on the neighbours has never been easier.  The best part is that it is only £300!

Via Menkind

  the moon by 1 ring

Google assistant and Amazon Alexa have stiff competition with this new invention from 1 ring. This hovering camera can control your devices in your home all by voice and you can see though its eyes with your phone. We have ours in the bathroom.

Via 1-ring.net

POWERUP FPV

This Incredible paper plane attachment has a carbon fibre polypropylene frame. The build-in camera sends a direct video to your phone or google cardboard to give you a pilots eye view with full controls. It comes with many different designs to try out. It even has auto take off and crash detection!

Via Menkind

  Cozmo the Robot

This Functional desktop robot has an expressive personality designed by Pixar Studios. He makes the perfect desktop toy.

Via Amazon

  ToroFlux Interactive Flow Toy

Fidget spinners are for kids, this is a mans fidget toy! Its like a three dimensional slinky for your arm.

Via Amazon

World’s smallest Quadcopter

Jealous of the guys flying their big expensive quadcopters but never leave your mancave long enough to fly one? No problem, this tiny drone is perfect for indoor flying.

Portal 2 USB Sentry Turret

A movement sensitive Portal 2 Turret for your desktop, full of classic phrases just as you would expect. Things like “I see you” and “There you are” will be said when it spots movement. When it starts to get annoying just give it a slap and knock it over for more sounds like “I don’t hate you”

DIY Porsche Engine kit

1966 Porsche 911 flat six engine. A combination of 280 solid and transparent pieces that can be hopefully be assembled into something that looks like this picture.

ATARI FLASHBACK 7

This awesome retro games console comes with 101 games and wireless joysticks. You can also plug in your original Atari peripherals if that’s your thing.

Doggy Style Pencil Sharpener

Ever felt the need to ram the pointy end of your pencil into your boss? Then this pencil sharpener is for you. Enjoy hours of fun reenacting your nasty fantasies while at work.

Weather Station with remote-controlled clock

The best part about being from the UK is that I get to talk about the weather a lot. That makes my very own weather station a very useful gadget indeed.

Bullshit Alert Button

Surrounded with people that are liberal with the truth? Add this button to your life and let them know you have had enough of their shit. We have ours on our desks at ladpad HQ.

Digital Sundial

This sundial cleverly displays the time in digital by having lots of little dots that project the sun’s rays depending where it is in the sky. The best thing is it is free!  If you have a 3D printer you can download the file from Thingiverse below.

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

This book content is probably self-explanatory due to the title, but the comments on amazon are some of the funniest I have read. for example “Yeah you shouldn’t but that made me more curious! I’m on page 19 now and have done the honours on each page.” proudly posted by kaisersoze

Segway miniPRO

This Segway has a knee bar that is used for more precise steering than a typical hover board. Somehow this awesome futuristic machine balances on its own, we can only assume by using black magic. It is not at all a modern day Sinclair C5 so there is no shame in rocking up to a date on this badboy.   (not available in the UK)

 Music Activated Car Stickers 

This sticker animates a graphic equaliser that moves in time to the music, it is powered by 12v and can plug into your cigarette lighter. why not cover the windows you don’t use in a distracting, moving, bright light!

Batman symbol projector

This awesome gadget projects the batman symbol onto any surface up to 10 metres away. You never know when you will be attacked by the Joker so keep this light close by. Seriously, how could you not want this?

Moog Mother-32

Moog Synthesizer. The definitive Moog sound is instantly recognisable, this baby has a voltage controlled 32 step sequencer, Low pass & high pass Moog ladder filter with voltage controlled resonance. It comes with external audio input for processing outside sound sources.

DJI Inspire Quadcopter

Never before has such power been put into a ready-to-fly system that anyone can fly. It comes with a 3-axis gimbal stabilised 4K camera, so plenty of quality video footage of next doors cat. Add a mobile device or screen for live HD view. This beauty is not cheap so don’t let your mates have a go. (not available in the UK)

  Campark 4K Sport Camera

This action camera will record your video footage in 4K Ultra HD at 30 frames per second and capture images at 16 megapixels. With a wide angle 170 degree lens. It uses a SONY sensor and is under £70. (not available in USA) This camera comes with a full water-proof case perfect if you are into water sports.

Football Table Indoor

you can tell this is some high-end stuff when the ball is made from precision grinding with state-of-the-industry roundness. (so cylindrical ground then). Perfect for when your mates come round after the pub on a Friday night,  when they are gone you can change it back to freeplay mode easily.  This will help pay off the loan you will need to buy it. (not available in USA)

The Cockpit Flight Simulator

Realistic graphics are displayed by a 32″ wide-screen LCD monitor that provides 1080i high-definition resolution. A second 21″ LCD monitor sits below, providing instrument panels that simulate a faithful flight experience.  And for $9000 I would assume it comes with a stewardess.

#pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv.pt-cv-post-border .pt-cv-content-item { border-top-width: 1px; border-left-width: 1px; border-top-style: solid; border-left-style: solid; border-top-color: #ececec; border-left-color: #ececec; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-title a, #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .panel-title { font-weight: 600 !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-readmore { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-readmore:hover { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv + .pt-cv-pagination-wrapper .pt-cv-more , #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv + .pt-cv-pagination-wrapper .pagination .active a { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; }

HUBSAN X4 FPV Drone was originally published on LadPad

[ladpad-blog1]

POWERUP FPV

POWERUP FPV

This Incredible paper plane attachment has a carbon fibre polypropylene frame. The build-in camera sends a direct video to your phone or google cardboard to give you a pilots eye view with full controls. It comes with many different designs to try out. It even has auto take off and crash detection!

Via Menkind

  POWERUP FPV

This Incredible paper plane attachment has a carbon fibre polypropylene frame. The build-in camera sends a direct video to your phone or google cardboard to give you a pilots eye view with full controls. It comes with many different designs to try out. It even has auto take off and crash detection!

Via Menkind

  Cozmo the Robot

This Functional desktop robot has an expressive personality designed by Pixar Studios. He makes the perfect desktop toy.

Via Amazon

  ToroFlux Interactive Flow Toy

Fidget spinners are for kids, this is a mans fidget toy! Its like a three dimensional slinky for your arm.

Via Amazon

World’s smallest Quadcopter

Jealous of the guys flying their big expensive quadcopters but never leave your mancave long enough to fly one? No problem, this tiny drone is perfect for indoor flying.

Portal 2 USB Sentry Turret

A movement sensitive Portal 2 Turret for your desktop, full of classic phrases just as you would expect. Things like “I see you” and “There you are” will be said when it spots movement. When it starts to get annoying just give it a slap and knock it over for more sounds like “I don’t hate you”

DIY Porsche Engine kit

1966 Porsche 911 flat six engine. A combination of 280 solid and transparent pieces that can be hopefully be assembled into something that looks like this picture.

ATARI FLASHBACK 7

This awesome retro games console comes with 101 games and wireless joysticks. You can also plug in your original Atari peripherals if that’s your thing.

Doggy Style Pencil Sharpener

Ever felt the need to ram the pointy end of your pencil into your boss? Then this pencil sharpener is for you. Enjoy hours of fun reenacting your nasty fantasies while at work.

Weather Station with remote-controlled clock

The best part about being from the UK is that I get to talk about the weather a lot. That makes my very own weather station a very useful gadget indeed.

Bullshit Alert Button

Surrounded with people that are liberal with the truth? Add this button to your life and let them know you have had enough of their shit. We have ours on our desks at ladpad HQ.

Digital Sundial

This sundial cleverly displays the time in digital by having lots of little dots that project the sun’s rays depending where it is in the sky. The best thing is it is free!  If you have a 3D printer you can download the file from Thingiverse below.

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

This book content is probably self-explanatory due to the title, but the comments on amazon are some of the funniest I have read. for example “Yeah you shouldn’t but that made me more curious! I’m on page 19 now and have done the honours on each page.” proudly posted by kaisersoze

Segway miniPRO

This Segway has a knee bar that is used for more precise steering than a typical hover board. Somehow this awesome futuristic machine balances on its own, we can only assume by using black magic. It is not at all a modern day Sinclair C5 so there is no shame in rocking up to a date on this badboy.   (not available in the UK)

 Music Activated Car Stickers 

This sticker animates a graphic equaliser that moves in time to the music, it is powered by 12v and can plug into your cigarette lighter. why not cover the windows you don’t use in a distracting, moving, bright light!

Batman symbol projector

This awesome gadget projects the batman symbol onto any surface up to 10 metres away. You never know when you will be attacked by the Joker so keep this light close by. Seriously, how could you not want this?

Moog Mother-32

Moog Synthesizer. The definitive Moog sound is instantly recognisable, this baby has a voltage controlled 32 step sequencer, Low pass & high pass Moog ladder filter with voltage controlled resonance. It comes with external audio input for processing outside sound sources.

DJI Inspire Quadcopter

Never before has such power been put into a ready-to-fly system that anyone can fly. It comes with a 3-axis gimbal stabilised 4K camera, so plenty of quality video footage of next doors cat. Add a mobile device or screen for live HD view. This beauty is not cheap so don’t let your mates have a go. (not available in the UK)

  Campark 4K Sport Camera

This action camera will record your video footage in 4K Ultra HD at 30 frames per second and capture images at 16 megapixels. With a wide angle 170 degree lens. It uses a SONY sensor and is under £70. (not available in USA) This camera comes with a full water-proof case perfect if you are into water sports.

Football Table Indoor

you can tell this is some high-end stuff when the ball is made from precision grinding with state-of-the-industry roundness. (so cylindrical ground then). Perfect for when your mates come round after the pub on a Friday night,  when they are gone you can change it back to freeplay mode easily.  This will help pay off the loan you will need to buy it. (not available in USA)

The Cockpit Flight Simulator

Realistic graphics are displayed by a 32″ wide-screen LCD monitor that provides 1080i high-definition resolution. A second 21″ LCD monitor sits below, providing instrument panels that simulate a faithful flight experience.  And for $9000 I would assume it comes with a stewardess.

#pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv.pt-cv-post-border .pt-cv-content-item { border-top-width: 1px; border-left-width: 1px; border-top-style: solid; border-left-style: solid; border-top-color: #ececec; border-left-color: #ececec; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-title a, #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .panel-title { font-weight: 600 !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-readmore { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv .pt-cv-readmore:hover { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; } #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv + .pt-cv-pagination-wrapper .pt-cv-more , #pt-cv-view-d5572c6tpv + .pt-cv-pagination-wrapper .pagination .active a { color: #ffffff !important; background-color: #00aeef !important; }

POWERUP FPV was originally published on LadPad