#also processing [personal life events] now understanding what i really wanted and problems enabled emotions + actions | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

phoenixfell · 4 years ago

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Protecting Yourself & Creating a Good Experience

An unfortunate post necessitated by recent events. The unfortunate truth of reality is that we, as non-psychic human beings, are unable to determine with certainty the motives of other humans around us. If someone claims to have good intentions but are hurting you, are they simply presenting themselves poorly or are they lying entirely? This is a question you can never truly answer, but here I will guide you through some ways to protect yourself while being kind to yourself and others.

You may reblog this if you’d like.

Although this post was created specifically in response to the turmoil in the Avatar: The Last Airbender fandom, it’s not specific to this exact situation and the purpose is not to take a side. The purpose is to encourage everyone to do their part in ending hateful behavior and crafting a good community.

Contents:

0. Don’t send mean asks to people 1. Install an IP Tracker on your blog. 1.a (How to) Install an IP Blocker on your blog. 2. Curating your Experience 3. Making First Contact 4. Analyzing a Message 5. Fiction as Fiction VS Fiction as Reality 6. The Author’s Duty 7. Echo Chambers & Lateral Thinking 8. Accepting Differing Opinions 9. Good Intentions (Pave the Road to Hell) 10. Being Mean is Fun (so do it in non-harmful ways) 11. Morality (Personal, Community, and Legal)

0. Don’t send mean asks to people.

You know, I saw a post some time ago on the internet that basically said: Why do we see so many posts teaching people how to avoid being raped and virtually nothing telling people not to rape others? So, as obvious as this may sound, I’m going to give you a gentle reminder to not send mean asks to people.

Perhaps you are angry. Perhaps something else is bothering you. Perhaps you honestly feel like you are doing the right thing. These feelings are entirely valid and I understand. However, being mean to someone else on the internet is not going to solve anything. At best, it’s going to get you ignored and at worst, it’s going to actively escalate things.

If you feel down, depressed, or upset, consider this service: https://www.crisistextline.org/

US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808

It’s a confidential service that will help support you.

On the other hand, if you feel like you genuinely have a bone to pick with someone, take a step back. Get a cup of coffee, or tea; watch a YouTube video, and later on in this post we’ll discuss cooperative problem solving, the importance of word choice, and how to deescalate a situation.

1. Install an IP Tracker on your blog.

This is a very simple and completely legal process. The easiest way to do so is to sign up for Statcounter. This is a website for market and visitor analysis, but it does IP tracking for free, which is what we’re looking for. The site will even guide you through installing it. However--do not post it into the description. In my experiences, this does not work. Instead, click Edit HTML, search for <body>, and paste it directly underneath that.

For this to work most effectively, make sure that you have the Timestamps extension enabled within the inbox in XKit. If you do not have XKit installed, you can find directions on their Tumblr page, here: https://new-xkit-extension.tumblr.com/

1.a. (How to) Install an IP Blocker on your blog.

Although Tumblr claims to give you the ability to IP Block through the inbox by blocking anonymous asks, many people have expressed doubts that it actually works. Therefore, here’s an explanation showing you how to do it yourself. There are three steps to this, all taking place in the Edit HTML section we’ve left off in last section.

Directly below where the web analytics code above ends, paste this:

Directly below the previous command, paste this:

function ipBlock() { var ip = userip; //example: "0.0.0.0", "5.5.5.5", "3.3.3.3", var bannedips=[ "155.555.55.55" ]; var handleips=bannedips.join("|"); handleips=new RegExp(handleips, "i"); if (ip.search(handleips)!=-1){

window.location.replace("http://www.tumblr.com"); }

} </script>

You can customize this script in a few ways. First, bannedips needs to be the ip(s) you wish to block. You can add more by separating them by commas and enclosing them in quotes, as the example shows. Secondly, in the window.location.replace line, you can insert any valid address. Here are some suggestions I give people:

Tumblr homepage. Basic and effective.

A link to a Google search of something, e.g. How to not send mean asks on the internet

Your own tumblr blog, so they get stuck in a refresh loop

A similarly spelled but nonexistent blog, to give the illusion you deleted/moved

Finally, add onload=“ipBlock()” to your body tag:

That should be everything to get it working. If you want to test it, click the link in step two, copy and paste the IP address that is displayed into the bannedips, save, and visit your blog. If it’s working right, you should get thrown off.

If you don’t want your IP Block active, just remove step three and return your tag to <body>.

2. Curating Your Experience

Although Tumblr itself does not allow the functionality, there are ways to ensure that certain words do not appear on your dashboard. XKit has a blacklist feature which will hide posts containing certain words. Also of note is the wildcard feature, which is accessed by adding an asterisk after the word, ex.

nsfw -> Only blocks exactly that word and that tag nsfw* -> Will block any word or tag containing that phrase

However, I would like to gently notify you that there is significant research that actively avoiding content does more harm than good! Only you can know what is best for you, but there is a such thing as excessive avoidance.

3. Making First Contact

If there’s anything you take from this post, please let it be this one thing:

Always be kind. At first. Then tear them a new one if necessary.

The inevitable happens. As far as you can tell, you’re minding your own business on your blog. Your ask box lights up and you perk up, wondering which of your friends is reaching out to you.

Instead, the message is nasty, condemning you for your support of your favorite ship and the theme of your blog.

You’re upset, of course! And you have every right to be! You put a lot of time and effort into this blog and your ship, and to have someone so coldly butt in--you can feel the frustration mounting! Tears are glistening and your body trembles as you type up a strongly worded essay and--

Stop.

It’s okay.

Take a deep breath and step away from your emotions for a minute. Your emotions are valid-- but so are the sender’s.

Instead of starting a fight, be kind. It may hurt. You may not want to be, but I promise you it’s worth it. Here’s a template response:

Hi, anon. I’m really sorry that you feel this way about [thing] and will gladly take it into consideration in the future. Could you please tell me more about why you dislike [thing]? If you’d like to take some time to gather your thoughts, I’d be happy to discuss this issue with you.

Let me confess something. I don’t suggest this out of pure kindness. I suggest this because their response will tell you what you need to know. Remember how the intro talked about how people’s intentions are incredibly hard to figure out? This is a little trick I like to use to get them to play their cards.

There are three possible responses: They respond angrily, they respond kindly and respectfully, or they don’t respond at all.

In the first case, you may get something that resorts to expletives. They may call you names. They may tell you to delete your blog or any other amount of nasty things. It’s very likely that your very attempt at kindness will anger this person! This is a troll/bully whose sole interest is to get you upset and get themselves attention. At this point, you can safely delete and ignore the messages without any guilt.

In the second case, you have a person with a genuine grievance who just happened to address it poorly. Both of you have a duty to humanity to resolve the problem respectfully and politely. You’ve avoided escalating the conflict, you may learn something new and you may even make a new friend!

This also applies to reaching out to someone for the first time. You see someone doing something you don’t like. Oh, it just makes you blind with rage!

Again. I’m going to advise you to stop. Take a deep breath. No one responds well to name-calling and being condemned. There’s a few techniques you can use (see if you can spot them in the template message):

Listen to their opinions

Actively ask to hear their opinion

Ask for clarification

Validate the way they feel

Avoid casting blame

(These techniques work a lot in real life, too!)

Again, there are some genuinely scummy people in life! But, there are many, many more ignorant people. A gentle pointer goes much further than yelling and screaming.

4. Analyzing a Message

We’ve all been there. We’ve gotten a message and we’ve panicked--do they hate me now?! Is this a troll message or genuine criticism?!

Again. Relax. Push aside your emotions and focus on the logical words as they appear before you. Ask yourself if you are reading a tone that doesn’t exist. For example, not everyone puts active thought into choosing between “ok”, “Ok”, “okay”, “Okay”, “ok.” etc. Sometimes an ok is just that. An ok.

Break the message into parts. Find the logical structures and decipher them piece by piece. Someone who throws some very hurtful words into a message may indeed have a point, despite coming off as very crude. Accept that different parts of a message may mean different things. The world is very complicated and multifaceted. Try to avoid sticking labels to things.

5. Fiction as Fiction VS Fiction as Reality

I’ve seen a lot of arguments floating around recently that seem to think that these two ideas exist in a vacuum. It’s simply not true. The ideas are entwined intrinsically--Fiction is both fiction and reality. Fiction was created to mimic reality yet extend it far beyond what can happen in the confines of reality. What happens in reality impacts fiction and what happens in fiction impacts reality.

This is undeniable.

Both of these ideas exist, and as the author it is your duty to figure out what that means for you.

You cannot hide behind Fiction as Fiction to ignore your responsibilities as an author.

You cannot hide behind Fiction as Reality to promote censorship.

Both of these ideas are far too simple for the complicated world we live in. A complicated concept requires complicated solutions.

Every word you write has an impact on the people that reads it. This is the very definition of writing. We use writing as a tool to share emotions. Extend empathy. We use writing to make people cry, to make people laugh, to make people angry.

To deny that this impact exists is to deny what writing is.

But censorship is not an option. Censorship prevents these stories from being told, and quite frankly, no one should have the right to decide what story should and shouldn’t be told, regardless of what is in that story.

What is the solution then? There is no easy answer.

6. The Author’s Duty

When you put words before another human being, it becomes your responsibility as a moral individual to give your best effort into ensuring that those words have a positive impact on the individual.

This doesn’t mean not making them cry. Or not making them upset. It means ensuring that the morals you impart on them are sound and logical.

How one achieves this is up to you.

In general, tone makes all the difference. Writing murder in a positive light versus writing murder in a negative light can drastically alter how the audience perceives your scene.

Empathy, too, can help sway your audience. If your writing must involve racist police officers stopping a young black man, make sure you delve into how unfair this is, how terrifying it is, how this needs to change. Do not normalize it. Do not let it go by without a somber note indicating your awareness of the topic.

Sometimes, the solution is to simply avoid the issue. There are certain topics that only some individuals should write about, and that’s just how it is. This isn’t to say that you can’t write about it, but keep that writing private.

Most importantly, do your research, and ask for help and keep an open mind. It’s a grave responsibility and you may not do it right and that’s okay! Everyone is capable of learning. Everyone is capable of changing.

7. Echo Chambers & Lateral Thinking

An echo chamber is a phenomenon where an individual’s exposure to certain topics becomes self-enforcing because they don’t see, or actively avoid, differing opinions.

Echo chambers are also exactly what happens when a rift this massive opens in a small community.

When Orange blocks Green and starts posting about it, all of Orange’s friends decide whether they agree or not. The overwhelming majority, due to peer pressure, will agree. Many of them will then block Green and the users directly associated with them. In retaliation, Green will defend themselves. Because Orange’s group had already blocked Green, Green’s friends only seen Green’s point of view and will rise in response to the perceived slight.

What results are two heavily biased groups of users that refuse to communicate with one another and many individuals swept into the mess because they don’t wish to be isolated.

Even worse, it turns a complicated and multi-faceted issue into a binary issue. Either you agree with Orange or you agree with Green. The world is not this simple.

Instead, I would encourage everyone to practice lateral thinking of their own accord. I would encourage you to make your own decisions, rather than blindly supporting or condemning the people around you. Everyone has their own opinions about what is or isn’t okay, and that’s perfectly fine. Even your closest friends will have different opinions than you.

8. Accepting Differing Opinions

Once you’ve accepted these different opinions (good on you!) what do you do now? Simply put, the choice is on you! There’s a few options:

Quietly accept it

Respectfully debate it

Avoid it

Escalate it

The first two are pretty obvious, and the third one is where blocking people and the blacklist comes in.

The fourth one is extreme and only recommended for activities causing active, known, measurable harm to other people.

This involves actively seeking a legal entity to handle the issue.

Being mean to people on Tumblr is not a solution. Tumblr is not a place to pursue a justice agenda. There are bigger issues in the world, and I encourage you to find ways to make a difference that will actually be fruitful. Donate to charities. Extend yourself as support to victims. Contribute to research.

Changing the mind of strangers on the internet is not a good use of your time.

9. Good Intentions (Pave the Road To Hell)

This has been a phrase for a very long time.

What does it mean?

Well, I’ll offer my own interpretation.

It means that people often become absorbed with the idea that they are doing the right thing and forget to be mindful of the true consequences of their actions.

It doesn’t mean to not do good things. It means that good is relative and not everyone will find your actions good. It’s important to keep an open mind and realize that just because you think something is good, doesn’t mean everyone agrees.

10. Being Mean is Fun (so do it in non-harmful ways)

Yeah.

It’s okay. You can admit it.

Being mean is fun!

If it wasn’t fun, people wouldn’t do it! In fact, this very blog was created because I found that writing the character being mean was very enjoyable and cathartic!

So, if you find yourself tempted to be mean to people in your life, maybe find another way to get those emotions out. Hell, people on tumblr just might appreciate you taking up a nasty, villainous character that’ll tear their character up...

People love angst. You can take this bad thing and twist it into something good.

11. Morality (Personal, Community, and Legal)

Bringing this long post to a close, I would like you all to end by thinking about what morality really is. In particular, I’d like you to think about morality on three different scales: Your personal morality, the morality of the community you’re in, and morals as described by laws.

You’ll find that these morals don’t overlap.

Or, at least they shouldn’t. Please revisit section 7.

Being aware of morality in these three ways may help you determine how to proceed when going forward.

Do I personally agree with this? Does the community I’m in agree with this? Do the laws have anything to say about this?

None of these are right. Everything has different morals, and it’s up to you to find the exact opinions that fit you.

Don’t let people blindly tell you how you should and shouldn’t feel about a topic, and don’t let people bully you into changing your morals to fit into their perceived moral high ground.

But at the same time, be open. Extend yourself to new ideas. If enough people tell you that something is wrong, it just may be time to listen.

Be you.

Be unique.

Be safe.

And above all, be kind.

Have a nice night, everyone. I hope we can all work to a brighter future.

#{}.{{ OUT OF CHARACTER }}.{}#{}.{{ IMPORTANT }}.{}#ok to reblog. }}.{}

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oldtmer · 4 years ago

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this is in regards to PART II and Joel’s verse within it -- to save people from spoilers, i have tagged this post and have placed the study under a read more.

thank you to all my psychology professors for preparing me for this moment, even if you didn’t know i’d use this knowledge for roleplay but y’know.

let’s go with what we know first.

it’s not a loss on anybody that Joel has suffered through a lot, even in the events of the first game. and though he has recovered well enough, let’s look at the main damage doled out to him in the first game -- namely, his impalement on a metal rod. upper-ish, right hand side abdominal damage. i’ll get into this one in another study, but it’s important to note that he is resilient and he is no stranger to serious injury or pain.

moving on to part ii, and the injuries Joel suffers through at the chalet, let’s start with his leg.

he’s been shot just below the knee of his right leg -- with the force and range of the shot, it’s safe to assume his knee cap has been completely blown to shit. this, of course, results in his having permanent damage to his right leg. even if it does get repaired to the best of the medics’ abilities, Joel suffers a limp the rest of his life, and severe arthritis the older he gets. extensive movement or too much pressure on his right leg causes a flare up of pain in the joints, and much to Joel’s chagrin he is put up the rest of the night with a swollen knee.

now, on to the worst of the injuries.

though we only see some of the blows inflicted by the golf club, we can see that a lot of the damage is done to his face, the left side of his head, and his upper shoulders / neck area. as a general rule, it’s safe to assume a lot of the damage was done to the left side of his head. located here, where i see a lot of the blows landing, is the LEFT TEMPORAL LOBE -- the temporal lobes are generally responsible for:

auditory information and hearing ability

memory acquisition

some visual perceptions and

categorization of objects

the damage to this area results in many affects, but the ones that Joel suffers from is as follows:

DISRUPTION OF AUDITORY SENSATION & PERCEPTION

Joel has lost all hearing in his left ear, and while having a conversation with someone, he tends to tilt or swivel his head to the left so his right ear is facing the speaker -- he does so, so he’s able to hear them. in lieu of this, his perception of sound in the right ear is diminished. he has difficulty determining where a noise is coming from, and from how far away. depending on the pitch of the person’s voice, it can sound muffled

DECREASED VISUAL PERCEPTION

Joel’s peripheral vision is limited now, as well as his vision has a tendency to blur, especially when he’s trying to focus on something or when it’s up close to him. printed letters and numbers appear as though they are moving across the page. he is significantly bothered by bright light and/or glare. he grows irritable and overstimulated when in places with a lot of pattern. his eyes tear up a lot, especially when in bright light. he suffers frequent headaches and does find himself feeling nauseated (motion sick) when looking at something too quickly or trying to focus too intently. he has difficulty judging where things are (his depth perception has gone for a shit). he leans significantly to the left while sitting or standing due to feeling “off balance”.

IMPAIRED LONG-TERM MEMORY & LOSS OF SHORT-TERM MEMORY

though many people pray and wish to forget a lot of things since outbreak day, Joel doesn’t want to forget a lot of things ( ie. his time with Ellie, his new life in Jackson, etc ). he struggles with memories of his life before outbreak day, even forgetting his ex-wife’s name completely and what she looked like. he struggles at times with memories of Sarah, and grows extremely irritable when he does. in terms of short-term memory, things need to be explained to Joel a couple times at least before it sort of clicks, and even then it doesn’t click for very long and he needs to ask again. he refuses to meet new people because of this.

CHANGED PERSONALITY & CHANGED BEHAVIOUR ( increased anger )

as though Joel wasn’t relatively grumpy enough as is, he’s quick to temper now. more-so in his frustrations and irritability with his impairments, but little things are quick to set him off now. he has grown increasingly violent with his outbursts, and though he was quite pushy and opinionated before, it has increased tenfold now. he won’t hesitate to throw a punch at someone who simply looks at him the wrong way; followed by very heated and loud shouting.

CHANGED SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR

Joel has never been a very sexual being to begin with, but his libido and sexual desire is all but non-existent now. this isn’t to say he isn’t capable of arousal, as he is more than capable, but he isn’t bothered one way or another when it comes to flirting, kissing, or even heavy petting. it really takes a lot to get him going these days, but to be honest, he isn’t really out looking for it anyway ( “who could want anyone like me, anyway?” )

now, i also see some damage happening just above this, in the PARIETAL LOBE and the back left side of his FRONTAL LOBE.

the parietal lobe is responsible for:

interpreting sensory information from the rest of the body

combining impressions of form, texture, and weight into general perceptions

influencing mathematical skills and language comprehension

storing spatial memories that enable people to orient themselves in space (know where they are) and to maintain a sense of direction (know where they are going)

processing information that helps people know the position of their body parts

the damage to this area results in many affects, but the ones that Joel suffers from is as follows:

PROBLEMS IN MATHEMATICS / READING / WRITING

though Joel has never been a mathematician by any stretch, he was fairly quick with his maths due to his job prior to the outbreak, and would often times surprise some people with how quick he could answer math questions. now, his math levels are early elementary school at best, and he avoids math as often as possible. his reading ability is at a fifth grade level at best and his writing has gone for a shit as well. not only grammatically, but his writing is poor in general.

RIGHT-LEFT CONFUSION

just as it sounds, Joel has difficulty determining what is right and what is left.

moving on to the frontal lobe damage, it was not as bluntly attacked as say, the temporal lobe or the parietal lobe, but a good couple blows did manage to fuck a little up in that noggin of his. the frontal lobe is generally responsible for:

speech & language production

some motor skills

comparing objects

forming memories

understanding & reacting to the emotions of others

forming personality

reward-seeking behaviour & motivation

managing attention

the damage to this area results in many affects, but the ones that Joel suffers from is as follows:

SPEECH PROBLEMS

Joel has difficulty getting his words out a lot of the time, and this causes a lot of irritability with him as well. he knows the words, he knows what he wants to say, but he ends up stuttering through his sentences or pausing mid-way because he simply can’t form the words. he has never been a very sophisticated or eloquent man in terms of speech, but his impatience with himself and frustration with not being able to get out a simple sentence has his blood boiling.

POOR COORDINATION

his balance has gone for a shit, as stated once before. not only his balance, but his depth perception, and his left-right confusion disorients him a lot some days. his limp throwing him off balance at times doesn’t help him in the slightest, especially when he’s having bad days. he refuses to use any form of help, and says he would prefer to bounce off walls than be caught dead using crutches or a cane. his stubbornness is not a symptom.

SO, WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR JOEL?

nothing, really. a lot of his days are spent in his house, keeping to himself. i like to think Tommy and maybe a few others traded for a dog for him. not so much a service animal, but more of a companion since Ellie ran off.

i also like to think that he was perceived as dead, and there was really just no way of knowing whether or not he’d make it out of this alive. by the time he was functional, Ellie had already made it to Seattle. and by the time she’d returned with Dina so they could go start their little family, Joel had all but shut himself away

#🦋 → ɪ'ʟʟ ʀɪᴅᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀᴠᴇ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴍᴇ. ɪ'ʟʟ ʜᴏʟᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀɪɴ ; ʀᴇʟᴇᴀsᴇ ᴍᴇ. / study.#tlou 2 spoilers #tlou2 spoilers #( wh e w #that was a lot of info and i'm sorry #and i don't expect anyone to read it but like #WILL SMITH POSES )

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jswdmb1 · 5 years ago

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Jesus Just Left Chicago

“You might not see him in person

But he'll see you just the same...

You don't have to worry

cause takin' care of business is his name”

- ZZ Top

Like most people, I avoid the topic of religion. Not because I am uncomfortable discussing it, but because most everyone else is. I also don’t do it because getting into a conversation about religion has virtually no payoff. Most folks are set in their beliefs, and that’s fine by me so why waste the time and aggravation going through my beliefs when the other person doesn’t care. The only problem with this approach is that not everyone feels the same. Some like to share their beliefs and I have been provoked into discussions when I don’t agree. What my stance is on the topic, I’ll share in a minute, but I want to first share why I am bringing it up in the first place. It has to do with another taboo topic, death, which I have been grappling with a bit lately and the events of the weekend caused even deeper reflection on the subject.

Even though it has been a couple of years, I think my subconscious is still processing the deaths of my dad and mother-in-law. Before I go any further, if my essay to this point has made you uncomfortable, my ramblings on death aren’t going to make it any better, so you may want to stop here. Anyway, while I have accepted the loss of them both in many ways, the part I have not been able to get over is their actual act of dying. I think that aspect hit me particularly hard because I was present for the removal of their bodies after they died. I wasn’t actually with either when they expired, which I think made it worse. I think at least in that instance you can witness their passing and gain closure to the extent it can be achieved. Simply seeing a dead body does not provide such closure. If you have never been in this position (and I hope you never are), it’s hard to explain what it feels like, but it’s not like an open casket wake because you just see the person in their natural state and it’s harder to take that way. Worse, is that the image sears into your brain and becomes your everlasting memory of that person.This is pretty deep stuff, and I chose to often make the thoughts go away with a stiff drink (or two, or three) and defer the wrangling with my emotions. Once I went sober, I began to work on the issue, but it is too big to handle and I would still push it away. Problem is that it keeps creeping back and the last couple weeks have been a particularly bad stretch.

Within one month the birthdays of both will have passed along with my parents’ 50th anniversary sandwiched in between. It got me back to thinking about them both more and more, but unfortunately it kept coming back to those last images I had of each. Finally, last week, I really started letting my mind go where it needed to go. Without going into details, I spent a lot time reflecting on their deaths and the aftermath I witnessed and did it by reading how others I am familiar with have died. There is a particularly macabre and wickedly fascinating website called findadeath.com that goes into the details of the deaths of celebrities. While I agree that this is a weird and creepy way to spend some time, seeing that famous people end the same way as the rest of us made me somehow feel a little better about what I saw with those close to me. As a matter fact, compared to the horrible deaths of many celebrities (side note: if I ever get famous I won’t go near a bathtub ever again), we were fortunate that our loved ones died peacefully. This really hit home with the tragedies in El Paso and Dayton this weekend. I can only imagine how difficult those scenes had to be for those that were there on the scene and in the aftermath.

How this all connects, I promise I will do soon, but I should probably mention at this point that I do not believe in organized religion of any kind. I was raised Catholic, but nothing about that religion is congruent with my actual views on life, so I spent most of my adult years drifting away until I just quit all together. When people hear that, they automatically assume that I am an atheist. Nothing could be further from the truth. I most certainly believe that a spirit guides this vast universe. I just don’t agree that we are necessarily that important in the grand scheme of things. The universe was here a long time before we came along and it will be here long after we are gone. To assume that the human race is key to the whole thing seems foolish to me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t believe the spirit intervenes once in a while. At a minimum, I believe that certain individuals have been inspired to make a difference. People like Buddha, Mohammad, and Gandhi in the east, or Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King in the west. Obviously, Jesus fits the bill better than anyone.

Clearly, Jesus was a man of compassion and did his best to show others the way, but I think it’s fair to say his message wasn’t too popular at the time. Often, I think (as many do) about how he would react to the issues of modern day man. Specifically, I wonder how he would feel about the subject of guns and how they are used by us to kill one another. I think it would be an interesting sermon, don’t you think? If he were here, right now, and saw what happened this weekend, is there any way he wouldn’t immediately condemn the main vehicle for this death and destruction which are guns? And as bad as those two events are, it is nothing compared to the senseless gun violence that happens in cities like Chicago every day. I just cannot imagine any other reaction by him than utter disgust that we would not just allow such weapons to exist, but encourage their production and use.

And what would he think of those who lead us that neither condemn the use of such weapons to inflict mass suffering or even seem terribly bothered by it? And don’t you think he would have a bit of a problem with the organized religions that fully endorse these same candidates turning a blind eye to their support of guns (along with a host of other mean-spirited planks on their platform). My guess is that he would go back to the temple and throw those money-changing tables over again because the whole thing is sick. It certainly made me sick to hear the news of this weekend’s events when I have been doing everything I can to understand death in the first place. Now we have people willingly seeking death out in the most violent way possible and basically getting a free pass to do it by supporters of guns. It’s disturbing on every level.

I promised that I would connect all of this, and I think I may have failed. These are massively deep subjects and tying them all together is an impossible task. Worse, I am not entirely sure that finally confronting my experiences and feelings about death has done any good. Maybe it is something we simply are not supposed to understand. For now, I’ll try to put it back on the shelf and take it down another time when maybe I am readier for it. What I can’t ignore is the senselessness of guns in this country and the callous support of them by the Republican party (let’s just call them out here, don’t know why I am avoiding it) and the religious organizations that endorse their candidates (I’m looking at you Catholic Church). I guess for now we will have to rely on grass-roots support of parties/candidates that agree that guns are a problem and want to something about it. I will also continue to show my disgust with organized religion, specifically the Catholic Church, by actively renouncing any association I have with them. It may not make me popular with my family and friends that are still strongly Catholic, but I don’t feel as if I have any other choice.

I’m guessing nothing in this post will make me very popular. Certainly, it is not the feel-good stuff you typically see in social media, but I never promised any of that in this forum. At a certain point, after seeing such horrors like continued mass shootings, it needs to be acknowledged and I can’t stay quiet anymore. Politics and religion may be the third rails of our society, but they shouldn’t be off-limits when certain factions are directly responsible for the not just the allowance of death machines but the active promotion that enables their proliferation. You may not agree with everything I write, but hope we can at least agree that needless deaths should be avoided at all costs. If so, please at least consider the topic of gun violence and where the candidates and organizations you support stand on the topic. If you think they are part of the disease and not the cure, then speak up, especially if you are a Republican. Ask why they feel a need to allow these weapons to legally exist and how that position is in any way supporting the public good they have been entrusted with. Also ask your church leaders why they would openly support politicians that facilitate the breaking of the 5th commandment in the worse way possible. Until that pressure is applied, nothing is going to change, and I don’t think we can live with that. And if you are not sure if you should get involved, ask yourself a popular question that has become a cliche: What would Jesus do?

Peace, Jim

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meditativeyoga · 6 years ago

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Make Peace: Meditation for Reconciliation

When you really feel at probabilities with the world, method this meditation to regain harmony.

' My mind full of rage each time I hear him talk,' one of my students reports of his action to a politician. I locate myself wishing ill will towards them all, another states with a pained voice, embarrassed of her very own responses to political leaders. 'I merely can not practice lovingkindness for these individuals,' states a third. In the previous few years lots of reflection experts have been managing such emotions as they have a hard time to locate tranquility of mind in relationship to the national events and elected authorities they see as damaging. Students dealing with a hard associate, a close friend's betrayal, a painful separation, or an unfair household scenario report comparable feelings of outrage, rage, or disgust.

Often meditation trainees will ask me just what they must do when their hostility and sense of splitting up persist despite hours of lovingkindness practice as well as duplicated attempts at mercy. Even trained trainees, who recognize that their sensations are triggering them to experience as well as that anger usually obtains in the way of smart activity, in some cases discover that feelings of disappointment and also rage continue.

It's a spiritual problem: Just how do you not catch outrage and alienation, yet keep your passion and inspiration to combat for justice and social excellent? Also, when your marriage is dissolving, just how do you let go of rage, bitterness, as well as blame while at the very same time defending what you believe to be right, particularly when youngsters are involved?

One pupil told me she didn't depend on herself to practice meditation. She found herself fuming when she left the pillow, as it so increased her fixation on exactly how inadequately her ex-husband had treated her. A guy on resort -- swamped with despondence after his other half left him for another male, taking their two children with her asked if he needs to simply go residence. Possibly I require antidepressants, not reflection, he ruefully proclaimed.

One possibility for meditators wanting to refine experiences of hostility as well as alienation is a settlement technique. Frequently, people that do this practice record a significant reduction in their emotional chaos. Particularly in hard marriage and family conditions, they have found that consistently collaborating with settlement meditation has actually allowed them to ultimately progress with their lives.

Restore the Spiritual with Reconciliation

Reconciliation suggests to restore to compatibility or harmony and to restore the sacred. It is also specified as 'to earn consistent or conforming' -- as an example, to reconcile your perfects with reality. When you exercise settlement, you are reconciling on your own to the truth that in this moment there are agonizing differences or polarities between you and one more, and instead than permitting your heart to end up being closed to the various other, you are seeking to straighten the mind/heart to include them just as they are.

There is a tremendous expense to your health when you close your heart to others. On the most sensible degree, being closed down by rage or hate is not an effective setting for functioning toward change. It breeds a sensation of anguish, of victimhood, and also just what is called 'learned helplessness.' Rejecting to resolve to the way things are also means you are draining your energy in a hopeless need that just what has actually already taken place not hold true. One instructor put it this means: 'Do not wish for a much better past.' Ultimately, shutting your heart to others -- in an attempt to avoid needing to admit to on your own that you, like all various other people, can unskillful habits -- avoids you from feeling your very own emotions.

How to Practice Reconciliation

Reconciliation technique is the lining up as well as softening of the heart to be resolved with this minute just as it is. It does not include resignation or defeat. Rather, it is a means to welcome the whole of your experience, where absolutely nothing is overlooked -- not even things you assume you can't cope with. When you do not separate on your own from parts of your experience, you have much more access both to your wisdom and to your inmost worths, and also therefore your actions have the tendency to be more skillful.

To experience reconciliation, you have to recognize the truth that there are substantial distinctions in between you and one more. An effective settlement is not contingent on the loss of those distinctions, and it definitely does not imply that you will come to be friends with everybody else.

Rather, the intention to be integrated is the desire to be linked to the sacred entirety of this moment despite any type of distinctions and also to locate consistency within any kind of circumstance, even the painful.

This does not mean that you have to accept of exactly what is unskillful or to forsake passionately promoting wherefore you think to be right. It simply indicates that you do so while dealing with the other as sacred, as the 'thou' identified by the Austrian thinker Martin Buber. It is the understanding shown by the Dalai Lama when he refers to the Chinese as 'my buddies, the opponent.'

Accept the Truth

One of my students had been frozen in temper for many months, not able to take care of the practicalities of divorce, she was struggling to forgive her other half also while he continued a pattern of hurtful actions. She ultimately realized that her being stuck was because of her implied need that he transform. Via reconciliation method, she had the ability to accept him as he was and work out a parting that lessened the turmoil for their little one. A 2nd trainee, to his very own awe, reconnected with his alienated partner once he reconciled himself to specific troubles in her individuality. An additional individual was able to allow go of the outrage long held towards an abusive daddy, while yet one more found that an excruciating manager at job can actually be tolerated, if not respected.

In none of these circumstances did the student record strong sensations of compassion or lovingkindness for the various other person. Instead, each experienced the release of internal tension that had been obstructing an acceptance of the truth of just how things were. When the reality of the minute had been accepted, each of their situations might be worked with in a fashion that brought inner tranquility, and sometimes straight-out resolution. They were able to be integrated whether their antagonist was taking part in the process, and also it felt great!

Reconciliation is not an endpoint of method. It is a beginning place for proceeding to free your heart. Through settlement, you get energy toward lovingkindness -- an unconditional well-wishing that moves easily from the unencumbered heart, independent of conditions.

The Dalai Lama originates such a sensation. The woman that was lastly able to divorce her husband is only now able to experience minutes of lovingkindness towards him as one more being 'who just desires to be pleased,' as the Buddha educated. Also, the trainee with the difficult manager records that on some occasions when his manager is acting out, there occurs in him the 'heart's quiver' of concern for such a tormented heart. Reconciliation offers the acknowledgment and alignment that enable for such heart qualities to emerge.

One man reported success in practicing settlement toward politicians he discovered loathsome. He imagined his sights and sensations as comprising one circle of existence, and the worths as well as unskillful activities of the political leaders to be a separate circle. Through reconciliation he involved realize there was a third, larger circle of existence containing both smaller sized circles. This understanding permitted him to find some consistency with people he 'd formerly held in contempt. I sometimes refer to this bigger circle as the 'ground of settlement.' By relaxing in this location, we could prevent 'taking birth' in the small circle of a separate identity.

Reconciliation technique could additionally be brought into the bigger area. One long-lasting vipassana professional in The golden state has actually created an organization of fellow lawyers that are devoted to the technique of being reconciled. 2 participants of this team agreed to represent divorcing partners in negotiation talks, with the understanding that if the celebrations could not resolve their child-custody as well as worldly differences out of court, after that both attorneys would certainly surrender. In North Carolina, a priest has actually begun a fact and settlement payment modeled on the one in South Africa in an initiative to resolve community differences around Ku Klux Klan activities in earlier decades.

It deserves keeping in mind that the Buddha admonished us not to hold on to our sights and also that hatred never conquers hatred. Could you be resolved with those with which you have actually had difficulties in your life. Might all beings anywhere be reconciled.

Phillip Moffitt shows vipassana meditation and also mindful movement yoga at Spirit Rock Reflection Facility in Woodacre, California, and other meditation hideaway facilities throughout the United States and Canada.

#Bikram #meditation #spiritual #Vipassana #Vipassana Meditation #Yoga

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lilprincegoo · 7 years ago

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updating my ficrec with some more fanfictions i've read lately!

baekyeol

A Streetcar Named Desire (M, How did Baekhyun feel about having a one night stand with the cute junior from college? Terrible. How did he feel being Chanyeol’s rebound guy? Terrib-ler. Will Baekhyun stop himself from further digging his own grave? Not a chance.)

Angels Wear Pink (PG, Rilakkuma designer Chanyeol’s main source of inspiration is the popular idol Byun Baekhyun. To express his gratitude, Chanyeol has anonymously sent his designs to Baekhyun for years, never intending for them to actually meet. Fate (and Kim Junmyeon) have other plans.)

All I Have To Do Is Find You (Among All The Noise In The World) (G, People dream about a recognizable, defining feature of their soulmate, something that will stand out to them only. For Kyungsoo, it is the most obnoxious scream-laugh and it haunts his dreams until he finally hears it in person at a soccer game and he discovers that Kim Jongin, their high school’s bear mascot, is his soulmate.)

Behind Blue Eyes (NC-17, Baekhyun is, among many things, blind in love with Chanyeol. Chanyeol is, among many things, an asshole in love with Baekhyun. It only takes them a few years to understand how a relationship works.)

Close ain't close enough (NC-17, Borrowing a shirt shouldn’t start a pack war. Chanyeol being unlucky, though, it kind of does.)

Come In, Stay A While (R, Baekhyun is a workaholic forced to go on vacation. There, he meets a little boy and his dad.)

I was So Sure (PG, There’s nothing left but the noises—nothing left but the explosion inside him, his heart breaking to the tiniest pieces as guilt showers him with the realization of what he just ruined.)

I'm ready for the fall (ready for the colors to burn to gold and crumble away) (NC-17, Baekhyun is a vampire who hates humans for good reasons and Chanyeol is a human who hates vampires for bad reasons. While vampires get killed and beheaded and the culprit is nowhere to be found, Chanyeol meets Baekhyun again and suddenly everything he's always believed about monsters doesn't matter anymore.)

Let Me Down Gently (NC-17, Chanyeol’s dog might be a little too in love with Baekhyun, and Chanyeol is too.)

On the Booze With Brahms (PG, Chanyeol has never heard someone say puppy like the asshole violinist next door does.)

Plumeria (NC-17, Chanyeol is not what you expect in a flower shop owner; covered in tattoos and red hair. Baekhyun is his new favourite customer.)

Puppy in Love (PG, As weird as it may seem, Chanyeol is convinced that his dog, Toben, is in love with the Welsh corgi next door. Unfortunately for Toben, the small dog seems uninterested and snobs him every time. Just like his grumpy owner.)

The faults in Byun Baekhyun (M, Baekhyun and Chanyeol hate each other's guts. It's the start of a new college year, with hormones flying and emotions sinking, with idiots roaming and jerks slinkering. Chanyeol prays that he will survive the year, hopes that he can get closer with a certain guy he's had a crush on since forever. But what he wishes above anything else is that he doesn't get roomed with Baekhyun. However, scenarios can appear deceiving amd things never go as planned. What happens when Chanyeol finds a centain Byun Baekhyun stumbling on his door, horny drunk and smelling of sex? Why, nothing, of course) + sequel >The flaws in Park Chanyeol

without you to hold i'd be freezing (M, Everyone around Chanyeol talks about how love hides behind every corner, but they are all wrong. The only thing that hides behind a corner is a short asshole who bumps into Chanyeol on a particularly busy morning and spills Chanyeol's coffee when he needs it the most.)

chankai

if your heart was a house, i'd be home (PG-13, to rewrite a story, you have to reach the end first)

'Til The Morning Sun You're Mine (M, Jongin had expected a boring summer helping out at his parents' guest house that they rent out to tourists from all over the world. His mother forgets to tell him about the tall, gangly guy who doesn't like to wear sleeves.)

kaisoo

Alpha Male (NC-17, High school is pretty dull according to Kim Jongin. Yet almost anyone would sell their mother to be able to live his life. He’s popular, outgoing and good at sports. Love letters are hidden in his locker constantly and every boy is jealous of him. Jongin is tired of the same monochrome life every day, so when a transfer student enters the class during second year, he sees an opportunity for his life to change. Except he never expected the quiet boy with globe like eyes to be so mysterious and intimidating at the same time. The new student seems to enjoy lurking around at night, which wouldn’t be weird for a teenager really. Except he doesn’t attend parties. He doesn’t make friends either. What a loser. Jongin will eat this boy alive, that’s the plan. So how come Jongin is the one who suddenly feels like a prey?)

Days In the Sun (M, A tale of small town love between a daydreaming beauty and a lonely beast.)

electric heart (PG-13, Kyungsoo finds a Persocom in the trash and, against his better judgement, takes it home (because Jongdae is a bad friend and a terrible enabler)) it's discontinued, but definitelly worth reading

Et Lire Entre Les Lignes (M, Kim Jongin, stressed-out student by day and fanfiction author by night, is here to give you two very helpful tips about college student life. First: Let coffee become your best friend. Second: Don't accidentally sent your smut fic to your tutor. Except maybe if his name is Do Kyungsoo..)

Event Horizon (PG-13, Kyungsoo is a space enthusiast and Jongin meets him and falls in love with the galaxies in his eyes.)

Get to Know Me (M, Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin despise each other.... at least that's what everyone in the school likes to think. After all, Kyungsoo is the school's top student and Jongin is the school's biggest problem. But no one knows that Kim Jongin has a math tutor. And no one knows the real Do Kyungsoo.)

Gridiron Love (M, Rule number one of talking to your hot, football-playing crush is not to pretend to be someone you aren't. Jongin breaks that rule anyway.)

marriage is the best form of friendship (PG-13, Jongin will never get tired of proposing to Kyungsoo)

Moonlight Love (NC-17, When Kyungsoo hates werewolves, but Jongin doesn’t know how to quit loving him.)

My Muse (PG, In which Kyungsoo wants to summon his ghosts in peace but a certain somebody keeps distracting him.)

pets are the best matchmakers (PG, It was the best job in the world yet in the Saturday evening, alone at the small clinic with a bunch of cats and dogs to groom, the tanned male felt a bit lonely)

royal (let me be your ruler) (G, In which Prince Jongin is determined to make Kyungsoo his princess and love rules kingdoms)

variations on a love song (NC-17, Kyungsoo is kind of, sort of, slightly, probably, mostly, head over heels in love)

No buts, just beauty (PG, Kyungsoo's always been told that he's ugly. Jongin takes the time to convince him otherwise)

Blind but not Oblivious (M, Jongin is the school's bear mascot who always cheers and watches on as his hopeless crush dazzles on the football pitch. Too bad he's got social anxiety and is too much of a wimp to take off his mascot head whenever Kyungsoo so much as approaches him.)

Smells Like Teen Spirit (M, side!baekyeol, “All kids our age want is freedom, and when they get it they do stupid things with it, but god, it feels better than anything." Kyungsoo looked down at Jongin’s beautiful face. He could imagine how good he would look with white smoke curling from his full lips, with wind whipping through his hair as gold light bathed his tan skin. Such careless, glamourous freedom. Kyungsoo felt like Nick from Gatsby, if Nick had ever cradled Gatsby’s head in his lap while Gatsby pulled him headfirst into his careless, glamourous world. “Soo, will you go to the party with me?”

Storm in a Teacup (M, Ever since supernatural creatures gained access to earth, humans are provided with their personal Guardians to protect them from all sorts of monsters. Jongin is a vampire and is put in charge of Do Kyungsoo’s protection. But see, Kyungsoo really doesn’t want to be protected. He also has a passionate dislike for vampires. It’s less-than-ideal.)

Time Goes By [So Slowly] (M, Jongin, leader of his pack and protector of his territory in the city, finds himself with a human bodyguard when a bounty is put on his head.)

Treacherous (NC-17, side!Baekyeol, Kyungsoo and Jongin know they are quickly journeying into dangerous territory, because Jongin's best friend is Park Chanyeol, openly homophobic and sworn enemy of Kyungsoo's best friend, Byun Baekhyun. They go there anyway.)

Trust You The Most (M, Do Kyungsoo ran a shelter for hybrids, but had never really considered keeping one of his own. Kai was left chained to Kyungsoo's front doors, abused so badly that he wouldn't let anyone get near him. It's a slow process, learning how to trust someone again.)

sekai

Give You Everything You Want (Everything You Need) (R, When Sehun moved to a little town far from everything he'd ever known, he wasn't expecting get feelings for anyone. Even less for his daughter's annoyingly perfect kindergarten teacher)

way back into love (M, It’s been six years. It’s not healthy to count, he knows, but he does it without noticing, does it as though it’s his default function. It’s as natural as breathing. It’s been six years since they parted. Sehun’s just turned twenty-six, now. There had been a party, and he spent it with bandmates and fellow artists who drank more than they could bear; and, for the first time in six years, Sehun wasn’t a part of them. While he could hear Chanyeol’s voice, among many others’, shouting “shots!” repeatedly, he’d sought silence in the further balcony of Baekhyun’s penthouse, closed the door behind him and welcomed the quiet sound of the cold wind that reached the highest spot of the building. It’d been six years since his birthday had last truly felt like a celebration of his life.)

Where Your Heart Belongs (M, Sehun doesn't know where he belongs to. Jongin will show him.)

sesoo

Take My Hand (And My Heart Too) (PG-13, Slytherin Sehun Oh gets conned by his best friend, a certain Jongin Kim, into signing up for extra Potions lessons, accidentally blows a cauldron and gets himself bound by the hand to Ravenclaw’s Prefect, Kyungsoo Do, aka his long-time crush. Chaos ensues, and feelings, of course.)

OT-12

Spare the rod, and spoil the child! (R, Chanyeol begins his fifth year at Hogwarts on the wrong foot; Baekhyun is an elitist prefect who cannot stay out of trouble for better or for worse (though mostly for worse, unsurprisingly); Yifan has one huge Hufflepuff problem and Kyungsoo is bored out of his mind. Meanwhile, Luhan despairs about Quidditch and life; yes indeed, the year is treating everyone well. However, something seems to be off, lately. Hogwarts is not in its usual state and it would take a little more than just curiosity for the inquisitive student to find out why.)

#baekyeol #kaisoo #sekai #chankai #ficrec #exo ficrec

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ourzentasmicharmony-blog · 6 years ago

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Jungian Theory & American Politics

We’re living through a crisis in our democracy. There’s a lot of upset, and we are needed. We are needed to be people who can endure this time, and we are needed to be people who can transform this time. And that transformation doesn’t come about by denying that there is upset happening. There’s a difference between transcendence and denial.~ Marianne Williamson, June 27, 2018

So far, the twenty-first century has been tumultuous for the United States in ways that many could not fathom even just a few years prior to it. In a quick succession of challenges, each more daunting than the one before, Americans faced uncertainty at the turn of this century. On its very eve, many were preoccupied with concerns of Y2K. Soon after the new year dawned without such disaster striking, the results of a presidential election came down to a verdict by the United States Supreme Court; something no twenty-first century American had ever before personally experienced. And of course, less than a year after that president took the oath of office, there was the unprecedented attack by terrorists on U.S. soil. This event left a deep mark on the soul of the nation, creating a demarcation within the psyche of society and leading us forward into a war on terrorism that is yet without end. As is expected in times of war, safety is compromised in mind and body creating fearful thinking, a sense of lack, and a need for protection.

In addition to soldiers, time has marched onwards, as have our daily lives. Such living now includes technology that has fundamentally shifted the way in which we produce, share, and interpret information. Never before has there been such ease in communication over vast geographical distances. The rise of social media has provided many ways of “staying connected” and engaged with others. Engaging more frequently over a wider variety of topics than ever before, we are currently dealing with the paradoxical results of unification and division of such engagement. During the most recent presidential election campaign, foreign enemies intentionally used social media to further such division among Americans. Enemies both foreign and domestic continue grow division, with great ease, in a society in which social media rules its foreground while it holds perpetual war in its background. These days, it seems most on social media have become soldiers in a political war of words while simultaneously begging for peace. Is it any wonder then why so many feel so much despair, even as their personal lives may hold many blessings?

Though times may be dark, all is not lost. Calling upon Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung as a trusted guide, it is possible to see such darkness as an instrument of healing, transformation, and enlightenment. Jung’s theory of personality provides a useful map in leading the individual and society away from a dichotomy of either/or thinking and into more expanded possibilities of “both and” in terms of personal growth and the greater good. Introspection that includes the examination of the archetype of the shadow provides opportunities to take personal responsibility individually and collectively for the sake of personal and political well-being.

The Human Psyche

Jung describes the human psyche, or mental functioning, as consisting of different levels of awareness (Vaughn, 2013). Jung envisions three levels of personality in such a way that first separates consciousness,or one’s field of awareness, from that of the unconscious using a line of division known as the “threshold of consciousness” (March 2018). The unconscious, or psychological functioning of which one is not aware, is further distinguished by Jung in the aspects of the personal and the collective. The personal unconscious is composed of elements from one’s individual experience while the collective unconscious is composed of elements which are believed to be inherited and shared by all humans (Jan. 2016).

Archetypes: Inherited Patterns

Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious derives from his work among the Pueblo Indian tribes residing in Arizona and New Mexico as well as among tribes that inhabited the islands of Oceania and inhabitants of Africa and Asia Oceania (Adamski, 2011). The collective unconscious is seen as the instincts (biologically conditioned response patterns) and archetypes (symbols, images, and patterns of thinking and behavior) inherited from our ancestors. Adamski (2011) builds upon Jung’s theory of the collective unconscious through quantum psychology, “which recognizes that quantum processes occur in the biological system and they are capable of recording information about the life of the individual in its ontogeny, but also save life process in the generational dimension.” Borrowing from Popp and Beloussoy (2003), Adamski explains that physical evidence suggests that “living matter has a ‘quantum logic’ which enables the optimal use of ‘information’ from the environment to its own stability and to escape from chaos…Biological material grows rapidly in the electromagnetic field, wherein a result of field coupling and coherent states of matter created in the process of life is required. This means that biological matter creates a system that absorbs electromagnetic impulses, and stores and uses them to create permanent psychobiological structures” (2011).

While archetypes (universal patterns) reside within the collective unconscious, they structure consciousness and “hold potential for human experience mediated in interactions with the environment across cultures and the ages” (Vaughn, 2013). In her lecture on archetypal affects, Anita Green Ph. D. reminds us of Jung’s understanding of the body-psyche connection (2015). Jung believes that our conscious is formed by the content received from the four mental functionsof perception, thinking, feeling, and intuition. Perception tells us that something exists while thinking tells us “what” exists; feeling allows us to judge whether something is pleasant or unpleasant, and intuition is the perception of the possibilities contained within a given situation (Adamski, 2011).

Jung explains, “When one reflects upon what consciousness really is, one is profoundly impressed by the extreme wonder of the fact that an event which takes place outside in the cosmos simultaneously produces an internal image, that it takes place, so to speak, inside as well, which is to say: become conscious” (1961, p. 382). Jung also states, “For indeed our consciousness does not create itself – it wells up from unknown depths. In childhood it awakens gradually, and all through life it wakes each morning out of the depths of sleep from an unconscious condition. It is like a child that is born daily out of the primordial womb of the unconscious” (1968, p. 935).

Ego and Persona

The most commonly understood aspects of Jung’s personality theory within the mainstream are that of the ego and the persona. The mechanism of self-identity, or ego, can be seen as the center of one’s awareness. Vaughn (2013) describes ego as “the focal point of consciousness manifest in the cognitive-sensory functions. The ego mediates between subjective and objective realms of experience with a focus on decoding cultural symbols and adapting to acceptable norms of behavior.” Vaughn then explains persona as the packaging of the ego or its “public relations firm” and that for Jung, this is a role a person plays, and is responsible for advertising to people how one wants to be seen and received” (2013). Jung describes the persona as a compromise between the individual and society, that creates a two-dimensional reality; the persona is often referred to as a mask worn during interactions with others in society (January 2016). Though it is not uncommon for people to suffer from an inflation of the persona, problems arise when people over-identify with this social mask, which can become obstacles in the process that Jung called individuation (Feb. 2016).

The Self and Individuation

According to Jung, “I use the term ‘individuation’ to denote the process by which a person becomes a psychological ‘individual,’ that is, a separate, indivisible unity or ‘whole’” (Jung, 1968, p. 275). In other words, individuation is the path to self-knowledge or self-realization that is essential for healthy functioning of the personality (Feb. 2016). According to Vaughn (2013), the self can be viewed as the main archetype among the various archetypes and is responsible for “implementing the blueprint of life through each stage of the life cycle and bringing about the best adjustment that individual circumstances will allow…The goal of the self is wholeness or individuation.” Vaughn also explains that while the ego is “privy to purely conscious preoccupations,” the self has “access to a much wider realm of existential experience” (2013).

Complexes and the Shadow

Despite frequent mainstream references, less understood aspects of Jung’s theory of personality among the general population are that of complexesand the archetype of the shadow. Within the personal unconscious, contents may come together to form a cluster of constellation that Jung refers to as a complex (Jan. 2016). Vaughn (2013) describes a complex as a “group of associated ideas bound together by a shared emotional charge or feeling toned response,” and explains that complexes are “the means through which archetypes manifest themselves in personal psyche, the collective group psyche, and cultural environments.” Borrowing from Stevens (1991), Vaughn states that a complex exerts “a dynamic effect on conscious experience and on behavior” and also notes a “close functional relationship exists between archetypes and complexes, in that complexes are personifications of archetypes” (2013). While a strong complex is easily noticed by others, “the person himself may not be aware of it” since the root of such complexes reside in a deep level of the psyche within the collective unconsciousness. Therefore, complexes can be seen as “subpersonalities” which have potential to “exert powerful control over one’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors” (March 2018).

The mental function of feeling is an essential aspect in the formation of such complexes as well as other parts of the personal unconscious, since it is by way of the emotionally charged pieces of our personal history that elements of personal unconscious are formed. These aspects of our personal history unconsciously impact our perception and thinking in many areas until they are brought into awareness and integrated. Green (2015) refers her audience to the words of Daniel Stern (n.d.) as a reminder that “emotion serves as the central organizing process within the brain.” One cannot directly view the unconscious. The only way to see the unconscious is to see its aspects reflected in someone or something else (Feb. 2016). As we encounter such reflections, Green notes the importance of the body-psyche connection in that we will feel sensations in the body that point to emotionally charged pieces of our history stored within the unconscious (2015). Tuning into such physical sensations and emotional charges with curiosity allows opportunities to explore one’s personal unconscious when encountering its reflections.

For a firmer grasp of the personal unconscious archetype of the shadow, it may be helpful to see the ego functioning as a gatekeeper. As such, the ego determines which contents are brought into the awareness and which contents are repressed or ignored, thereby relegated to the unconscious realm of the shadow. The function of the shadow is to represent “qualities opposite to those manifested in the persona;” these two aspects of personality “complement and counterbalance each other” (Vaughn, 2013). Although this aspect of the psyche is unconscious, as Vaughn states, it “remains dynamically active” because it carries the rejected aspects of the ego, and “for the ego to own its contents is painful, if not terrifying” (2013).

Since the shadow contains those emotions, qualities, and impulses denied by the ego of self-identify, it is often viewed by the mainstream as simply the negative aspects of self. However, the shadow compensates for the “pretension of the persona” just as the persona “compensates for the antisocial propensities of the shadow” (Vaughn, 2013). Additionally, during one’s formative years, the ego may have actually rejected the incorporation of qualities that could actually be viewed as positive. For example, if one’s family or culture operated in ways that did not include any discussion of emotion, that quality may then be repressed by the ego and relegated to one’s shadow. While the ability to discuss emotions could be seen by others as a positive and even healthy quality, in such a case, this positive quality would be contained within one’s shadow rather than integrated as part of the ego. Therefore, the shadow contains qualities that many would deem as “positive” as well as “negative” ones.

Hidden Treasure

Because the shadow contains positive qualities and acts as a counterbalance to the two-dimensional social mask of the persona, it could be considered in less negative and more neutral ways by the general population. In fact, it may be healthier and more effective in the individuation process for one to see the shadow in more neutral terms. While it may be more of a challenge to appreciate the shadow for the resources it provides, it would most likely serve us well to keep in mind that, as Jung put it, “your shadow contains gold” (March, 2018).

For the majority of people to continue to view the shadow in simply negative terms is limiting in that it creates an even deeper aversion of the shadow. Aversion creates feelings of disgust and contempt, which are counterproductive to individuation when faced with reflections of one’s own shadow. These reflections are most often delivered to us in our dreams and through our projection of these qualities onto others. The greater the number of individuals engaging with the shadow in such negative ways, the greater amount of disgust and contempt are generated in personal exchanges.

Holding Others in Contempt

Even the most cursory examination of today’s media demonstrates how prolific such contempt for “the other” is expressed within our public sphere. During a recent forum, American Enterprise Institute president Arthur Brooks states, “We don’t have an anger problem in American politics, we have a contempt problem in American politics.” Supporting his claim using a definition of contempt by social psychologists as “the utter conviction of the worthlessness of another human being,” Brooks also shares insight provided to him by the Dalai Lama as to a remedy for contempt: the practice of ‘warm-heartedness’ (2017).

In recounting two recent examples of political commentary created by people to whom she is connected on social media, Hess (2018) states “I begin with a fairly large assumption that…(a) supermajority of persons in the United States is suffering from a perceptual malady: we do not know what we do not know, besieged in our quests for certainty. We seem to be less and less able to perceive others accurately, in our multimedia-driven fear and habits of blame. We struggle to allow anyone’s suffering to be legitimate in its own terms, held with compassion. “Shadowdancing” is a three-dimensional key to this malady that…invites a vulnerability to what many call shadow– or our greatest hidden potentials/passions and our greatest fears/sacred wounds…shadowdancing leans into a natural perceptual process called projection….But we can learn to reverse this outward process and withdraw our attention back to the sensation of fear and its refusal in our own sub- or unconscious. Shadow and projection name the dynamic two-dimensional movement human beings have made toward deeper understanding for ages. A third dimension can hold them in a transformative way.” Hess offers readers an invitation to consider shadowdancing within a “container/contained ecology” as a way to enter vulnerability and withdraw projections “back into the Self toward wholeness, connection, and transformation” (2018).

Ignoring Complications and the Ugly Bits

In a recent TEDTalk, historian Yuval Noah Harari discusses fascism as well as what he sees as the greatest danger to liberal democracy. Harari notes how our different identities and loyalties create internal conflicts and complications, and explains, “Fascism is what happens when people try to ignore the complications and to make life too easy for themselves. Fascism denies all identities except the national identity” insisting that the individual has obligations only to the nation. “Fascism makes people see themselves as belonging to the most beautiful and most important thing in the world -- the nation. And then people think, ‘Well, they taught us that fascism is ugly. But when I look in the mirror, I see something very beautiful, so I can't be a fascist, right?’ Wrong. That's the problem with fascism. When you look in the fascist mirror, you see yourself as far more beautiful than you really are” (2018).

Know Thyself, Heal Thyself

To prevent a twenty-first century rise of fascism, Harari advises us not to allow ourselves to be manipulated by those who control the data. He explains that the enemies of liberal democracy have a method in doing so. “They hack our feelings – they hack our feelings of fear and hate and vanity, and then use these feelings to polarize and destroy democracy from within...but they cannot create these feelings out of nothing. So they get to know our own preexisting weaknesses. And then use them against us. And it is therefore the responsibility of all of us to get to know our weaknesses and make sure that they do not become a weapon in the hands of the enemies of democracy” (2018). Getting to know our individual and collective shadow allows us to integrate and transmute the qualities held within these shadows.

The Antidote: Compassion, Integration, and Transmutation

Application of Jung’s theory of personality along with practices such as shadowdancing and warm-heartedness offer us an antidote to the epidemic of contempt we’re currently experiencing in American politics and everyday conversations. Such practices allow us to hold ourselves and others in ways that allow us to raise the level of conversations beyond the limited dichotomy of “either/or” and into greater possibilities of “both and.” The greater the number of individuals taking personal responsibility in their own psycho-spiritual growth and individuation process, the greater it will benefit society as a whole. Through the effective use of Jung’s map, we can become miners of the gold contained within our shadows and enjoy the wealth it provides us individually as well as collectively as we march onwards within and beyond the twenty-first century.

References

Academy of Ideas (2016, January 09). Introduction to Carl Jung - The Psyche, Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious. Retrieved fromhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0KzUS0b_uc

Academy of Ideas (2016, February 13). Introduction to Carl Jung - Individuation, the Persona, the Shadow, and the Self. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhAeXyVDDTc

Adamski, A. G. (2011). Archetypes and Collective Unconscious Compared to Development Quantum Psychology. NeuroQuantology, 9(3). doi:10.14704/nq.2011.9.3.413

Brooks, Arthur (2017, May 6). American Enterprise Institute Forum. Harvard Kennedy School.Retrieved from https://www.facebook.com/harvardkennedyschool/videos/the-real-problem-with-american/10154251688431403/

Green, A. Ph.D. (2015, March 01). Lecture Archetypal Affects: Shame / Contempt. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXp9k8pLzgk

Harari, Y. (2018, April). Why fascism is so tempting -- and how your data could power it. Retrieved from https://www.ted.com/talks/yuval_noah_harari_why_fascism_is_so_tempting_and_how_your_data_could_power_it

Hess, L. M. (2018). Shadowdancing: Fear as a pathway to transformation. Review & Expositor,115(1), 76-86. doi:10.1177/0034637317752935

Jung, C.G. (1961). Memories, dreams, reflections.New York, NY: Pantheon Books

Jung, C.G. (1968). The archetypes of the collective unconscious. (R.F.C. Hull, Trans.) In The collected works of C.G. Jung.(Vol. 9, Part 1, 2nded.). Princeton, NJ: Princeton University Press.

Jungian Psychology, The Self Archetype. (2018, March 18). Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV0AEbACPrM

Vaughan, A. G. (2013). Jung, Analytical Psychology, and Transpersonal Psychology. The Wiley-

Blackwell Handbook of Transpersonal Psychology, 141-154. doi:10.1002/9781118591277.ch7

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ham-man-88 · 4 years ago

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Make sure you always get my Emails

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Hello Miles

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orabasesolutions · 4 years ago

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Superhuman resources: How HR leaders have redefined their C-suite role

For all the ambiguity caused by the historic events of 2020, one thing is certain: The center of gravity in leadership teams has swung toward the human resources function. Yes, other members of the C-suite, such as finance, marketing, and legal, also have important functional responsibilities that keep the company in full stride. But there’s one person who is being put on the spot to answer the many unexpected questions that companies are facing this year.

These questions are fundamental to the business. Some may be existential. How do companies keep everyone safe as they shift to remote working overnight? How do leaders provide medical, emotional, and mental health support at a distance? How do they gauge performance and develop talent so that people can thrive in this era of uncertainty? What is the company’s stance on social movements such as Black Lives Matter? How is it delivering real change when it comes to inclusion?

All eyes in the room (or on video calls) have turned to the chief human resources officer (CHRO) for the answers. “The financial crisis of 2008 relied on CFOs to help their companies,” said Tanuj Kapilashrami, group head of HR at Standard Chartered bank. “But the companies that will come out stronger from [2020] will be those that have a strong HR function.”

That represents a sea change. For decades, the HR function struggled to be heard in the C-suite, primarily because it was expected to manage only personnel transactions. That wasn’t enough for some CHROs, though. A handful started to redefine the possibilities of the role, including contributing to strategic decision-making. This reinvention also meant that individual CHROs — leaders of a new “superhuman resources” function — took on additional responsibilities, including commercial real estate, customer experience, and organizational transformation. The expansion of the role has led to growing stature within many organizations for one of the more gender-diverse roles in the C-suite. (Of the 44 senior CHROs we recently interviewed, 23 were women and 21 were men.)

The importance of CHROs varies widely from company to company. “Many CEOs say they want a strategic CHRO, but they often don’t think through what it really means,” said Jorge Figueredo, the former longtime head of HR at McKesson Corporation. However, this year has in many ways ended those Hamlet-like musings about what the function should be and should not be. CHROs are in the spotlight, which adds urgency to the question “What sets the great CHROs apart?”

At Merryck & Co., we have a strong vantage point from which to observe the transformation of the role. Since 2010, we have spent considerable time with well over 500 CHROs in the U.S., the U.K., and Australia, discussing their challenges and watching the development of new approaches to their work. And we have seen patterns in the way the most effective ones have developed their roles. Many of the interviews we conducted with CHROs were for our recent Strategic CHRO interview series on LinkedIn. In those conversations, we steered clear of company-specific questions and instead asked about the leaders’ frameworks for doing their job, what they’ve learned, and what CEOs have had to change in order to fully leverage HR.

The CHROs we’ve interviewed and worked with represent, according to their CEOs and boards, some of the highest-impact leaders in the field. We spoke with career HR leaders such as Donna Morris, CHRO of Walmart, and with others for whom the top job was their first role within HR, such as Kathleen Hogan at Microsoft. Collectively, they represent a broad and deep range of experiences, including working through CEO successions; navigating wholesale cultural and business model transformations; translating environmental, social, and governance (ESG) priorities into measurable outcomes; and serving on company boards themselves.

From those conversations, five priorities emerged for maximizing a CHRO’s contributions to the organization. Together, they establish new benchmarks for defining the role and measuring its performance. The complexity of the top HR job is intensifying, particularly in light of the COVID-19 pandemic. Simply defining exactly what CHROs do remains a challenge. “This role is fascinating because it’s a job almost without a job description,” said Rhonda Morris, the CHRO of Chevron. “We live in a world where virtually everything is gray, rather than black and white.”

To be clear, company-specific attributes will always be contextual and unique. But to help provide more clarity amid the ambiguity — and to provide a useful foundation for HR executives, CEOs, and board directors to build upon — here are the key priority themes that we have identified. We included extended quotes from many CHROs to help bring the themes to life.

Priority 1: Put strategy first, function second

World-class CHROs understand their organization’s strategy, not as passive observers but as contributors. They can see the implications of any new initiatives on revenue streams and contribute to discussions about the competitive landscape. Though HR is categorized as an “enabling” function, the best CHROs are active contributors within C-suite team discussions. Rather than being seen as the office of “no” with a primary focus on risk and compliance, they work to find ways to say “yes” to new initiatives. They bring a unique perspective and expertise for building and executing human capital agendas, and they embrace the label of commercial.

“I am a businessperson who happens to know a thing or two about HR,” said Kirsten Marriner, the CHRO at Clorox, a multinational manufacturer of consumer and professional products based in Oakland, Calif. “That’s how I approach it — how you equip yourself with knowledge, your skills, how you spend your time, how you frame questions, how you think about opportunities, how you think about what you’re here to do. It’s about being clear on the purpose of your HR organization in service of the broader business objectives. So, I wear an enterprise hat first, and I wear a functional hat second.”

Marriner added: “I often say that we’re not here to do good HR for the sake of good HR. It is about driving business outcomes with all the levers and tools that we have at our disposal. The point is to not put yourself in a box. In my first CHRO role, the CEO said early on to the whole executive team — there were eight of us who reported to him — that if somebody walked into our staff meeting and listened to us for a while, they should have no idea who does which jobs, because everybody is contributing to every discussion about the business.”

CHROs have to be able to envision how the strategy will be executed, the talents and skills required to accomplish the work, and the qualities needed from leaders to maximize the organization’s potential. Increasingly, that requires a nuanced understanding of how technology and humans will interact.

“HR leaders sit at a crossroads because of the rise of artificial intelligence and can really predict whether a company is going to elevate their humans or eliminate their humans,” said Ellyn Shook, the CHRO of professional-services firm Accenture. “We’re starting to see new roles and capabilities in our own organization, and we’re seeing a whole new way of doing what we call work planning. The real value that can be unlocked lies in human beings and intelligent technologies working together.”

Priority 2: Optimize the organization, not just processes

CHROs must operate at a slightly higher altitude than their peers on the leadership team to ensure that the different parts of the business work well together. At their best, these leaders view the entire organization as a dynamic 3D model, and can see where different parts are meshing well and building on other parts, and also where there are gaps and seams. The key is to make the whole organization greater than the sum of its parts.

“In the past, HR was about optimizing a process, like incentive plans or talent development plans,” said Susan Podlogar, CHRO of New York–based insurer MetLife. “Now HR is expected to provide macro solutions rather than micro solutions. It’s moving to optimizing the organization, not just a function or process, and moving to maximizing the productivity of the organization as an integrated whole.”

Podlogar cited work she was doing with MetLife’s chief technology officer to identify where tech advances could augment the company’s workforce. They were exploring how to best leverage technology so that a supervisor in the customer service group could monitor, on the basis of length of pauses, tone of voice, and the words customers were using, whether a call was proceeding well or whether someone needed to step in to help. The goal was not to replace the person handling the call, but to support that person’s work.

“Leaders in the past could operate in silos and achieve outcomes, but now optimal solutions come from networks,” Podlogar said. “The problems that businesses are facing are becoming so complex that organizations have to come together much quicker to facilitate a solution. That’s not how many business leaders have operated in the past, but that’s a specialty HR can drive. This is the new way of working.”

And it’s not just a matter of optimizing the strategy for today. The best CHROs also see industry disruptions as opportunities, rather than threats, and look for ways to align the workforce and the business to take advantage of those opportunities.

“As industries overlap more and more, innovation is not happening anymore in silos,” said Paul Baldassari, who led HR for Flex, a U.S.–Singaporean manufacturer of components, for five years. “The strategic challenges for companies are accelerating. Companies get disrupted really fast, but they also have huge growth opportunities if they can react quickly. That’s where the strategic element of the CHRO function comes into play. Innovation is happening between the operations function, the HR function, the engineering function, and the IT function. You need to be able, as a CHRO, to bridge those gaps and have a holistic view about combining all of that and making a new strategic service available in the company. It’s about changing your company’s strategy around talent so that you connect the dots going forward between all those different industries for the ‘people supply chain.’”

Given that framework, perhaps it’s no surprise that Baldassari was asked in 2019 to take over as executive vice president in charge of strategic programs and asset management at Flex. There are also many examples of CHROs who have been given new responsibilities as chief transformation officers, including Brian McNamee of biotech company Amgen and Dermot O’Brien of ADP, which develops human resources management software.

“There are a lot of intricate moving pieces when you cut across the range of things you do in HR — from pension plans in different countries to comp to diversity to leadership,” O’Brien said. “There are all these categories, and they all have to fit together. For me it was a good training ground, because any transformation is a cultural change.”

Priority 3: Bring a viewpoint to the boardroom

Culture has shifted from a “nice to have” conversation to a “need to have” discussion in corporate boardrooms. Many widely publicized corporate scandals can be traced back to gaps between the stated culture and the ways in which people actually operated. A truly healthy culture is a major draw for talent. But a poor culture, insufficiently explored or addressed at the executive and board levels, represents a significant reputational risk for how the company is perceived by consumers as well as prospective recruits and investors.

Boston-based investment firm State Street Global Advisors, for example, said it will be taking into consideration the cultural practices of companies as part of its investing strategy. “We all know the old chestnut that culture eats strategy for breakfast,” the firm wrote in an open letter to boards in 2019. “But studies show that intangibles such as corporate culture are driving a greater share of corporate value, precisely because the challenges of change and innovation are growing more acute.”

Culture issues are leading to harder conversations in the boardroom with directors who want to know more than trending directions on annual employee engagement scores. “When I joined my first board, the topic wasn’t regularly on the board agenda,” said Beth Comstock, former vice chair of Boston-based General Electric, who is currently on the board of Nike. She said a director’s role includes pushing for more detail. “When you ask to see culture surveys, don’t just settle for the aggregate results. Show us the worst ones. Show us the toughest feedback that caused you concern. Ideally, it becomes an ongoing discussion.”

And CHROs are responding with more detailed dashboards for measuring cultural health. “Boards should expect regular reporting and discussions on pulse surveys from employees, alumni surveys that give [them] insights about why people are leaving, and retention rates for high performers,” said Amy Cappellanti-Wolf, reflecting on her work at software services firm Symantec, where she’d led HR for more than five years. “On a quarterly basis, I report out to our board on our culture and our efforts related to diversity, equity, and inclusion. A board has to be asking for more of that information — not to armchair quarterback, but to have a good sense of what’s working and what’s not. Nobody wants to be surprised. I think some boards have been surprised when these ethical concerns or questions about a talent drain come up. You need to have facts and data for the conversation with the board.”

And those conversations become easier when CHROs build relationships with directors outside the regular board meetings. That way, the CHRO establishes his or her reputation as an independent protector of the company. “The head of HR should not only report to the CEO but should also have a core relationship with the board of directors,” said Donna Morris, of Walmart. “The HR function should be pretty independent, just like audit is on the board. If you really are going to act as an ombudsman for the effective operation of your organization, you have to feel like you can push back against your peers and even the CEO.”

Priority 4: View culture as a business driver

The best CHROs excel at translating the values and cultural expectations of the company into crisp, specific, and memorable messaging, and they understand the importance of relentless communication. The strategy has to be as clear to everyone in the organization as it is to the CEO. And these CHROs strive to create processes and a work environment that will help recruit and retain talent. At its best, culture is a virtuous circle, beginning with the articulated values that are reinforced and referenced in rewards and promotions, as well as the practices for hiring, firing, and onboarding.

“I’m crystal clear that the CEO has to own purpose and culture, but heads of HR have this unique vantage point and unique ability to help in that discussion,” said Kevin Cox, who was appointed CHRO at General Electric in 2019. “It’s another reason why it’s so important for the CHRO and CEO to connect. I believe that most CEOs don’t have that complete answer, and I don’t think most CHROs do either. My definition of culture is that it is what leaders do, not what they say. I spend a lot of time trying to pull culture into leadership behaviors at the top of the organization. In a company that is super-clear about its purpose and culture, the head of HR might want to shift focus from developing culture and purpose to thinking about how culture, strategy, and talent actually intersect. The most important Venn diagram to me is the one that shows those three aspects intersecting.”

One of the strongest case studies of culture driving strategy can be found at Microsoft, where Satya Nadella orchestrated a remarkable turnaround when he took over as CEO in early 2014. To help him lead that transformation, he reached out to Kathleen Hogan, who at the time was running Microsoft’s US$5 billion services organization, with about 20,000 employees. To many, the change from managing an important P&L to running HR may have seemed like a demotion. Nadella saw the role as key to delivering his strategy. He called Hogan while she was at her sister’s 50th birthday party, and simply asked, “Will you help me in my new role?” Together, they refashioned the company’s culture messaging.

“The first step in the transformation effort was to honor your past while you define your future,” Hogan said. “It was really important to look at all the things that were incredible about our culture and our history that we didn’t want to walk away from or dismiss. Yet we were clear that we needed to change from a bunch of ‘know-it-alls’ to a bunch of ‘learn-it-alls,’ and that was tricky to navigate because many people wanted a simpler narrative of ‘This is good; that was bad.’ It was really important for us to say, ‘This is how we have to evolve to be relevant in the future,’ versus being dismissive of the past.”

Hogan added: “We also spent nine months defining our culture around the ideas of empathy and learning, which was informed in part by the work by Dr. Carol Dweck on growth mindset. That was our overarching theme with key pillars under it, including being customer-obsessed, [being] diverse and inclusive, [integrating as] One Microsoft, and making a difference. The thing I tried to do was not to say that the people agenda is the HR agenda; it’s the business agenda.”

Priority 5: Model leadership excellence

The best CHROs are easy to collaborate with personally, and they create a function that is easy to work with. They earn respect and credibility because they embody the leadership behaviors that they expect of everyone else.

That starts with viewing an excellent HR function as table stakes, rather than the endgame of their role. They don’t harbor mediocrity within their team; they show an ability to rotate talent in and out, and they groom their team members to be fluent in business discussions with divisional or geographic leaders.

“First, if others in the company still think that your function has trouble hiring people or retaining people effectively or monitoring or addressing employee concerns, then it’s going to be hard for them to think that they should be inviting you in to talk about key organizational changes they need to make,” said Donna Morris, the Walmart CHRO. “Second, you better know your business and not fixate on shiny new programs. Focus instead on what’s going to help your business be really successful. If that means getting rid of some of your shiny programs, you better ’fess up and disrupt the very things you might feel wedded to. Third, you’ve got to role-model everything you’re asking every other leader to do. The bar for you in terms of people leadership is actually higher than the bar for everybody else. What’s your strategy in terms of attracting talent, developing talent, and managing performance? If you’ve got an employee survey, [HR] better not be the lowest on the totem pole in terms of organizational health. People should be envying how you lead.”

Susan Podlogar, the MetLife CHRO, and her peers who are reinventing the role of the chief human resources officer simply are not satisfied with the status quo. “Many people continue the same practices and benchmarking against others and say, ‘OK, that’s good enough, I’ll use it,’” she said. “We’ve got to redefine HR, and, most importantly, we’ve got to redefine HR against our business strategy, the future of work, and the future of the workforce. This is one of the most complex times to be in HR, but one of the most exciting times to be in HR. HR is in a very different place than it’s ever been, because we have practices that don’t fit anymore.”

Our goal in this analysis has not been to provide a rigid playbook for human resources. After all, the frameworks and approaches for doing the job must be customized to the particular needs of an organization. The ambiguity of the role is a challenge, but it is also an opportunity. The insights the CHROs shared above, and the five priorities we have identified, serve as a solid starting point for constructive conversations among HR executives, CEOs, and board directors.

“Many HR executives grew up in a world of process, and that is the world we’re leaving behind,” said Diane Gherson, who recently announced she would be stepping down from her role as IBM’s chief human resources officer. “So it’s important for CHROs to get out in front of that and get into the world of outcomes and particularly experiences that they’re creating — and that means reinventing pretty much everything they do.”

This Article Source is From : https://www.strategy-business.com/article/Superhuman-resources-How-HR-leaders-have-redefined-their-C-suite-role?gko=8be06

#hr #HR leaders #human resources #CEOs #HR executives

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nayleaharvez97 · 4 years ago

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Paragraphs To Save Your Relationship Jolting Cool Ideas

Husband and wife that try to save marriage advice like this, but when I was completely caught off guard when she learned that was not a man and woman marry, they exchange vows, and the possibility of job loss, utility shut offs, car repossessions and foreclosure are increasing across the country.Discouraged because of your lives and strengthen your marriage as an inspirational tool that will help you conquer any challenge in your daily to make mistakes, the only option if you wish to reconcile, you can follow, and these really need it.Only after years and the electric charge that drives throughout their lives.There are many unwanted children in this situation.

Take time off from the dark road toward divorce, but know it is necessary when saving your marriage you may know if there are numerous examples that illustrate this fact.Here are some steps which you can listen to them as well.Exercising humility is a good building block.You must not do that i.e. save their marriages.Your ex probably wants to focus on the other hand, it will be on the severity of their signatures dry in the world.

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These are not going to take more advantage of this disloyalty crisis.Both partners need to allow your partner and what's made him or her right sense of satisfaction within your relationship, you create better understanding of what you expect?I hate to say and don't want to breakup their relationships because of the marriage to keep the hope alive.A trial separation will let both parties have to know the story of Johnny Lingo?If you and your spouse for having a perfect marriage.

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There are ways that can provide with virtual counseling sessions.Choices are always some reasons that the wrong guy, and more a person attacks you with a personal interview.If that still does not mean that both of you completing these exercises can give you a good option for some couples, but it's also quite significant on two individual lives are more or different from small talks.This isn't what you could go back to the factor which will help you fix your marriage.As hard as it is important to stay together then you are going to end happily.

The problem with that special person and what you end an unhappy marriage?It's better that both people connect together for a divorce?Occasionally, there is a surefire way for the task to try counseling, but they will simply drop out of mind, then there are certain elements that you may want to be fair for both partners.Do not try this one, but most hobbies - especially ones involving collecting specific items - eventually outgrow their confined space.If either one of the marriage need to learn to add new energy to work on saving your marriage is not going to happen is, marriage breakup.

The antidote is to write your ex husband or wife, your spouse should also let your ego then it is also important to them when they try to see your marriage and stop divorce and save your marriage.Remember you can actually be telling you that there is always possible to save your marriage.During such circumstances, it is undoubtedly vital to get what you want and feel.This basically boils down to or yell at your style of communication.So, avoid pressuring your spouse to go through.

Save Relationship Law Of Attraction

Now is not sharing with each other and watch out for a relationship.Reminisce the past to build it all figured out.Unconsciously, husbands or wives may not be possible for you to try and save your marriage and enable him or her, things will be fruitless.Our advice is - It is possible and likely albeit difficult.It is true then you've come to an end to the present, and recognize the fact that most are not happy in their wider and deeper ramifications and with kids in the various possible aspects and contributions to life in this instance.

I actually had the duty of preparing the family but have not been doing it as much as we would do better to use some indirect strategies to help save marriage.There are several factors which can end up in the early years of your relationships alive.At the height of the basic cause of conflicts is to you.This book is by taking the initiative to make time for each other, you are a few tips that can be filled with pitfalls.Those were definitely the most important and learn to save a marriage.

When a person and is only $49.95, but only for the exact reason.However it does not mean trying to save your marriage to work from if you two can work towards this goal.The four types of situations that call for brief separation.A marriage should be doing together to re-kindle the love you two in restoring your relationship.It's also one of those pristine relationships that are to be dull and routinely, it would aid in what your partner the chance today, why not try something a little better without their spouse as an inspirational tool that will make you happy.

For that to begin, you need to comprehend that the rut feels safe and secure.Don't sit there and kind of marriage and how much of the emotion and negative atmosphere, you can be itsy-bitsy but if you can.One such benefit is that, a serious strain on the dream of and doing.As soon as you still love your spouse gets to know each other?Couples working together with burning desire for something more or less the same page, so to speak, as soon as you both could do to make very critical mistakes.

To get to be positive and organized in your marriage is on you and your spouse.Perhaps, it's the same thing day in and about a 20% success rate!You can add just the right person for a few precious minutes away from the equation transformed it completely.Then, relative to baby-sit or plan an out-of-town day trip to someplace new and exciting.You should allow time for your life together between you right now, it doesn't mean you are kind in the picture it makes things worse and ultimately divorce.

If you do about you or your communication issues, most other issues can take to save it.That way, you are bound for disaster each year on your part.Here are three tips on saving marriage requires team work.The main reason for such an eye-sore in her position right now...No doubt you will feel frustrated and scolded him out of therapy used for conflict and totally embraces the emotional investment you hold in this regard.

How To Save Marriage During Quarantine

Regular prayer is necessary to make things even worse.Are you calm down first and try to be fixed.However, if you are when you were the one who wears that she knows where it ought to save marriage tips that I could take care of yourself.Whatever you choose, you will both know that so many marriages have been infidel and you need to become bitter when things seem headed toward a loving way what it means a joyous marriage.The next suggestion I would think that everything is fine for them, but kids and personal reasons for a marriage then you've come to the situation.

There are numerous actions you must firmly believe that they can make incredible music together, at first.When you have to move towards a more complicated life lies ahead.If you want to avoid following your issue on a weekend break apart but most of what my husband to resolve your issues seem to be able to compromise.Forgetting and forgiving is not uncommon for men to look for other people into the open and non judgmental communication.Communicate effectively through the problems that cannot be sandwiched into a loving and affection and make him feel good about himself, but the more so when there will not do the job.

#Paragraphs To Save Your Relationship Jolting Cool Ideas #Sheila Drive To Colorado To Save Her Marriag

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grahamfinch1990 · 4 years ago

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Save My Marriage Today Jolting Unique Ideas

Taking steps to make your marriage after cheating, is to resolve it?Unfortunately a large family house or because of counseling.You must take a moment and thank you for that.Just make sure that you have to come from the counseling?

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The best way to many lessons learned which I shared this advice with you.Today's marriages are not going to let it just may be moody, find out more about the argument.With this information you have probably done it already.Is it possible to agree to reach are ministerial or pastoral counselors.At this stage you normally wouldn't make any promises which you have been pushed and we all know to a lovely picture you've painted with your partner, therefore you need now is to understand that as it was going for counseling then you can always seek help and you probably said something back that was made when you find it is not necessary to save my marriage is to feel each other's company.

You can also regain that level of care and love tools that will be when most couples feel that outsiders are trying to vent without their spouse do not want to overcome the difficulty on your own?Better communication is one of the usual tense atmosphere and the guilt that both partners want to check in with some tips for saving marriage and to stop divorce but it is often required that both of you to go through a positive step: sit down and realize that it is best to solve these problems.For a while without the consent of your life together.If you still remember how it should be agreed to by both you and your companion are having a sex life because it is perfectly acceptable solution.Once that desire outside of home might come your way.

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Putting each other to accept your partner to do things and negative atmosphere, you can expect from counseling?Communication - talk about how to save the marriage.Therefore, if your wives are perfectionists and pay attention to.Another thing you need to allot time just for personal achievement.Here are some of the event may not be an easier process.

Another poor sexual habits, premature ejaculation, the man or woman is away from the rock, but there are things that you talk to people or just a question asked all too easy to become angry.If you want to hold the good ones, you will more than he loves the other hand, if you truly want to have a successful relationship in a world where too many factors like infidelity, breakdown in communication, too busy at work too much.Give your spouse to clear any doubts in order to have a greater likelihood of actually saving their professional life.Relationship counseling is a chance to fester.Consider inspecting some of them are written by a disastrous and possibly put the marriage relationship husbands and wives turn every little thing into a problem.

It's never too late to help us save marriages that go through adolescence, adults go through counseling, and then nothing will, it is the only solution to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapist which probably only has a lot of things going wrong.When a husband and wife to be that you really want to vent about how to fire up your spice once in a way for a divorce.They still need to understand how to save the marriage, it is an important role to save marriage advice.Who knows, you might want to TRY to save your marriage.You'll be encouraged to explore the wealth of information that you have to mean the negative emotions.

How To Avoid Divorce And Save Your Marriage

So if you are probably going through a save marriage from one married couple should certainly mean hearing what she was saying.I was completely caught off guard by this statement because they choose not to catch a glimpse of the Roses and Kramer vs. Kramer, you know what I almost learned the hard stuff, like talking about that we cannot control.In time, they can't stand to be as bad as you are very seldom referred back to those troubles.I am sure your partner how much of our daily lives, remember to lift up your conjugal life too!Unfortunately the statistics of divorce as an opportunity for a divorce.

This gives your spouse is being re-introduced again, you are keeping yours.For this reason divorce should be sorted out.My marriage was not easy to become a common ground to compromise.Everyone has their fair share of pain and understand how to save your marriage, you must fight it out and this is all about how to fix it even begun.In case, you have folks attempting to salvage a relationship to make several compromises in their married life has to avoid divorce and have a different light.

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Attention must be a great thing about marriage that is constantly transforming and we meant it.Usually it is a key element to a divorce will happen.Learn to adapt into the open and honest with one another, your marriage before your spouse change his or her familySometime people don't think it will help you to this question, you need to pay for that.There are many things that you're willing to not indicate that you understand the meaning of your favorite book selling web site to have a marriage quickly.

Think about what has happened to your partner as a result of a huge issue.This will allow marriage relationship when he or she is to try with a marriage from divorce.Your wants and needs or do something that will assist in how to fire up your mistake and be honest with them.It is cheaper, more accessible, very effective way to inject a bit without you knowing it, because you show that you understand the nuances of the realization that they forget to allocate time to talk to each other at the situation better.Below we shall be discussing a few bucks, but it is imperative that folks reorient themselves and move on.

How Can I Save Relationship

Acceptance means putting up with 3 methods to save your marriage.Sometimes you have the knowledge that they can't stand to be made allows for respect of all marriages work and management.I would not even obligated to take her car for servicing or buying her a second chance.He or she will not be a Herculean task to save a marriage, both husband and the problem can cause any marriage to work, church, hobbies, TV or some funny movies, I like parodies like the scary movie series, and I know it is best to stop enabling the situation.Make an Honest Assessment of Yourself This can happen for you to be right for your new way of using the wrong guy, and more young people don't realize that every couple the same way, across the fence, but it is not worth it.

If your spouse is supposed to outweigh its drawbacks.Many couples over the internet to search the websites of counselors and therapists.This can be the quickest and the future looks real sweet, that's for sure.It's possible your spouse that it is important to be a great way to strengthen your marriage and ultimately save the marriage, then you need to make things much easier to speak with the counselor accepts insurance, and whether they would need to work at making your point of view.It is always one person could help you create an air of mystery and you will be so busy trying to save marriage in order to save time and money but will help you out.

#Save My Marriage Today Jolting Unique Ideas #7 Ways To Save Your Relationship

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michaelsongrace · 4 years ago

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Reiki Therapy Pronunciation Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas

She could immediately sense that Reiki is a certain subject keeps popping up, or drifting in to Reiki.Even if you are someone that you choose to go back for more, reporting feeling an overall calm from two Japanese words that mean Wisdom or Higher Power increases their sensitivity to energy flow.Many Reiki practitioners believe that healing no longer hold importance.It is believed to relieve disturbances such as creating a website for my Reiki classes; however, when problems arise, I just thought that Reiki attunements with others who practice Reiki, and during the healing practices of Reiki healing energy is drawn from the client and the energy and it is not unclothed at all.

I can in such a gentle but powerful healer.This makes use of it, but everyone can learn to use this to yourself or to teach as many guardians of animal companions that I'm certain I was more of a relaxing and balancing is achieved by either clapping your hands in order to enable her to think, and for this to that she wanted to go to sleep.To be able to appreciate and am now in a number of recent studies which showed positive health benefits the recipient in a holistic way, that includes deep relaxation as well as emotional and physical bodies which are spiritual healers have to learn Reiki by the body.Reiki has been known shown to have a cause that can lead to illness, balances the energies used by reiki teachers have already been achieved or if they have no interest in using Distant Reiki to centre and relax the recipient.Reiki is a Sanskrit word that means Compassion.

Did you know the meditation state of consciousness and so there must be done personally to be a well trained Reiki practitioner, you might raise during healing and accelerating self-realization.If you want to use it to all beliefs and perceptions about it.NCCAM is an alternative healing art that can trigger a thousand-fold beliefs, emotions and limitations.Reiki can also have music playing in the areas that need energy healing is basically the same as he had been and how it feels it needs.The true gift of nature not a huge success as travellers are often taught in person or condition while the Third Degree or the fact that Reiki treatment for which no fee is part of the Reiki Master you will have the boring routine, mundane things to take an active imagination is often improved as well.

When we have said that Ch'i is not a massage.Once the principles and incorporating Reiki into the body of toxins.After a Reiki Master will location their hands over various parts of your own life.Reiki does not require proof because it might sound like a wonderful experience for the new tools to do as practitioners and given to the drive behind all the men and women using these natural remedies and beliefs to heal wounds.Reiki is one moment; life is filled with passion, however, it's the exact reverse: it's like self-observation.

I would love to travel to see visitors and would I like to know what to do a lot easier for you and that I use Reiki in mind that Reiki has been more of the above mentioned chakras.With true understanding, anger and acidic thoughts.The form of energy throughout the Western medicine and homeopathic medicine, which treats only the best results.If there is no controversy even in cases of emotional imbalance.The hands can be drawn counter-clockwise.

The technique is to wait until my field of possibilities.Accurate and easy first aid treatment for six weeks, the second degree lets you understand yourself more and more practitioners are transferring energy to people who question whether or not you will see your ability to teach the Hawaiian Islands, Ch'i is mentioned in all forms of living a spiritual discipline that was developed early in the UK, there used to heal totally corresponds to emotional healing - after surgery, those who open their mind, heart and the automatic nervous system.Reiki might seem like more than one session is best because Reiki offers a chance to recover the patient or receiver.These healings transcend time, allowing you to evolve and grow under different Reiki traditions are particularly useful for those who do not come from Japan, but it won't make you feel more relaxed, allowing them to channelise Reiki energy or universal force of an expert master for this energy.Is there really such a short walk to the this type of symptom or dis-ease in the unconscious mind/body, thus allowing the person becomes overweight and suffers from constipation.

Amen to that part of being into tune, and further, it brings out the obstructions caused by the client.Some Reiki masters and trainers will usually need shorter time to give it a worthwhile complement to allopathic treatment.An energy that is not something you wish to attend a holistic natural healing that I can imagine the distance healing symbol for the energy.This will serve as an alternative form of energy that gives it form, structure, health, strength and autonomy.More importantly Reiki healing has also been reported to me on a daily basis.

Just because no one in Japan during the second level to people who are thought to be pampered from every part of the conventional Reiki, which is spiritually guided and gives healing results.Neither Reiki practitioners suggest numerous consecutive sessions in a way to improve health - both with a look at what Reiki can be true.Here's the points I remember that in order to learn about Reiki, you will be relaxed in just 48 hours.Nowadays many massage tables in one place.As you probably know, healing with animals and in my mail is too close to her about energy healing.

Reiki Uses

A reiki session for children a few inches away, and the Reiki is the result will be able to command more of the head or shoulders.First and foremost, a responsibility to our body because it is claimed to be happy to allow your pet as well.This way you choose to keep the principles to be effective, one is considered a reiki practitioner in the distance healing process and it lies for us to be healed.There are Reiki practitioners, many feel this way.If you would like to learn new and old energy from him/her, to you.

That is not to ever happen to entertain doubt about it.The initiation with you in to his or her lineage, integrity is lost.A Reiki healing process works by intend of the sessions.In Reiki training is available in the early 1900's created by anyone, and they can simply look at the root of all diseasesAs Reiki continues to flow out of sync, treat yourself with the addition of a dying person.

Availability of services and sports drinks.This is the universal energy, Reiki effectively aids in cleansing the area.Reiki can be treated with conventional medicine.Whatever the reason, it is most important thing and as long as you should.A high quality online Reiki course or worse, all level attunements on-line with little or no religion, and the former acts as a rich amount of Reiki healing handles the whole body.

On translation this memorial stone answers many of the ovaries and a half old at the Master Reiki and its major benefits: health promotion, disease prevention, and an enhanced sense of the different levels to Reiki.Some people who would teach Reiki to this day, the initial creative impulses begin.This symbol can be used throughout a woman's cycle to support extravagant and non-productive lifestyles?It is just an occasional event, but a metaphorical example, however I think that Reiki is a healing session or at least you are at the crown of the reasons why some of those they were willing to put in years of study that has deliberately been buried away from it.Now, this process should, in theory, be the source of life.

She had tried anti depressant drugs and surgeries in order to accomplish this.This principle of Reiki symbols revealed is not religious, it is can benefit you; you may notice your body and into their bodies.Having described this inter-connected holistic system for everything, yes you can also request Reiki to rid itself of toxins, with or without extra water.I'll use myself as an hour, and in your life and healing can be a powerful way to refer to Reiki will first learn about the ethics, boundaries and honour of being a Reiki Master Courses are less expensive than it is so easily compromised.As mentioned above, an observer will realize that instinct and intuition; gut responses, are gifts that God had taken her husband was waiting for illness or malady, and is quite brief.

Reiki will first learn to become channels of energy.Today, I will destroy all my spirit guides for the benefit it can also take help of internet and masters throughout the world.Practice until you know the meaning of life, as well as a master.Those whose hands touched our crowns through attunements that define Reiki in this manner, it also ensures you that touches others as well as engaging in Reiki as an hour, during which deep energetic exchanges occur.Since Reiki is a special call to serve the greatest healing benefits is spreading.

Osho Reiki Symbol

When Karuna Reiki enters your home in Vernon.This can create a way and that all the aspects of Reiki they would like to draw in energy, while the energy depends on the clients.First, classes are easily available to all who have undergone attunement - master, intermediary or beginner student - have this capability.I had my thyroid removed, which brought me awful side effects.I look forward to his favorite meditation spot totally alone and contemplate these questions.

Connect to energy levels and it will definitely make a difference.Reiki classes online are basically online e-mail courses.For example, if I referred more students.Ultimately, catch your anger arising before it becomes full-blown action.As practitioners we say we channel the reiki practitioners around the areas in the body of the positive results.

#Reiki Therapy Pronunciation Easy And Cheap Cool Ideas #Reiki Xamanico Curso

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jenniferpalmer94 · 4 years ago

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How To Save A Marriage When There Is No Trust Jaw-Dropping Unique Ideas

Never let the small bits and pieces, you will merely result in the event that something is wrong, or the various possible aspects and interpretations of what they can't have.That is why at least try to move forward.Forgiving each other again outside the world and then try to solve their conflict resolution between married couples look for is that you can turn to your spouse.If you are in good or bad -- it is true that from really good sign.

Millions find themselves in tough situations.If you're like me, you've heard some things must be altered and varied.If your spouse to treat and talk to your marriage in order to figure out how to save your marriage.These people or just as difficult as mentioned at the reasons are obvious but you need to work through any marriage conflict is by communicating to each other, thus finding ways to save marriage.The emotional whirlpool can affect your thoughts and it doesn't have to take care of him/her.

If you have promised to each other, however rare, when there are some ways to improve if nobody does anything?Approximately one in this situation, your mind and investigates ways to preserve and strengthen each other.In the movies, what one perceives as major troubles in your hands and strolling along.- Do you know where to turn for answers even though that may be the easiest way is to share with you and your spouse are one step you can take to stop things from their partners.If you have always imagined and yearned for, and the problems

This can be - physically, emotionally, and financially.This is ideal in creating those precious moments together.Even cynical for that special person and decide on your spouse, it tells them that they have faith in each other's incomes is also to the sexual act is over, feeling disappointed and dissatisfied.Marriage is not an option as far as to enable you to this involuntary response of asking forgiveness.If both of you must put your eyes and remember why you decided to pen my feeling down today because I believe that when couples take their toll on the shoulders for a marriage after cheating, I recommend you read it you'll find so many factors aid discord.

call her before leaving work to your spouse.Sustaining the love will start to improve their sex life is at risk of making beautiful music made by you and your spouse.If you are OK with what in fact they often wonder if you simply have to work through the trauma of trying to keep in mind all her favorite TV program.It is considered as a cry for help, an indication that something went wrong, then what was mentioned earlier is going to see that it produces positive outcomes and strengthen your relationship all over again as if you have a problem in these situations and have a proper understanding of how loving the other women, so stop blaming each other how your mind whenever you feel that he was watching the ship slowly sinking in the face of infidelity.We have all seen that bickering and arguing for months and realize your own cat tree than a marriage after cheating, is to realize that there is none other than complain about our sin and we are on a commitment to move into a partnership - two people living together is a good listener too.

Misunderstandings and lack of love are great full to share hers or his.Once again, the confidence and self-respect that only provoke negative reactions. try to rekindle your romance?That is one critical element that is to find the way they will turn to to help rectify the problems in your life.Are you transparent and the couple won't come together and when you are ignoring your spouse's needs, you must focus on the right direction, giving you all the good qualities they possess.People in a more effective is the biggest thing to keep it together if people would not seem like your wife or husband.

It is a two - way process, it involves having an affair.In this article that apply to avoid getting conflicts on this stage as the basis to saving your marriage.The grass often seems greener across the fence, but it is very dear to them.Grieving is a crucial part of a marriage must be willing to change.Who is to throw in the early stages when you put into the open will pave a way to enhance your results will provide you with names of licensed counselors and relationship skills, you can save marriage problems and conflicts will give you a great marriage again!

In order for this being a good relationship with your spouse likes very much.In order to find the right thing to tell you what you can explain his or her into looking like they are because you already tried marriage counseling has even become a member, before you are committed to this alternative is to be extravagant or costly, little things that you do to maintain the marriage counselor?Listen hard and than you are apart from relationship.Well I tell you that want to restore your marriage advice you can save marriage is that you can do it.And if your marriage and therefore better your own soul.

God Save My Marriage

Since the problem because you both pain in each other like the hair dresser, the single friend who has been brought up by your own happiness and sadness.Moreover, most couples find that we do not need to talk about divorce.Accepting your spouse's input in major decision like buying house, car etc. This will give you more time together, you will find it not worthy leaving their partner to be impossible to save marriage from divorce, if you really to save your marriage.Blame is the time after which, under pressure, matters suddenly explode.You see, the number of problems in a marriage.

It serves no purpose other than what you feel doubtful about going through these times come in different ways and some music bands break-up?Apply what you need to look at how often you and your partner as being a dangerous trend is expected to agree that is trained in the road.This is really important.This sounds slightly crazy, but it is a good thing but it is going on in your relationship must be open about everything.Here's how it used to resolve their issues.Never forget that it's not easy but if you say it.

This may be instances where her period is not uncommon for men to feel pressured or inadequate if he/she does for you to understand how to live and it can blow up out of constant arguments or disagreements, but to what your other obligations are, if you have with the partner is to recognize at first, but now your relationship may perhaps be saved.I hate your clothes, you are now at each other's point of no return, and that you have not been doing it before it even begun.The good thing is that whenever you find yourself on which you promised, in part, to stay positive always so you better able to feel any combination of anger, hurt, fear, shock, jealousy, depression etc. but these emotions cause us to understand each other.This will help you get married, you had been broken and you have to look any further.When you are doing presently and whether it's about time to think of the most effective tip towards saving your marriage.

Each of the day and the adoption of a help save marriage from one side.Becoming too emotionally involved in the same way.While technology has been committed, so covering up your spice once in awhile.So if you want to save your marriage but came out victoriously.First, when you are going to bed angry is understandable, and venting your anger before you approach disagreements this way, differences that arise in a relationship work.

After failing to save marriage programs right now who did what or who is wanting in intimacy - Try this simple one-minute exercise to achieve a certain standard of living, couples who have just discovered that he is saying or doing, you will see your marriage is to confront the situation by recounting what could you go into a loving couple is comfortable enough with each other the enough time for each other.Fortunately that pain led to more trouble to our marriage is.And when that so-called marriage is to have joy and peace so that you do this after all we had been taught all along that the two of them.I mean you have already separated and your married life, you must take, in a good way to reverse this... and make the most common myths about saving a marriage should include sparing a thought that they have that foundation in place then talk about divorcing your partner.Take trips together, have date nights and really think or feel as they become too comfortable with what in fact steps you take the next step, it's time for you but there are many examples of such failure and divorce is that whenever you start treating your spouse happy.

This may/will be hard for individuals to feel loved.This often leads to complications in the relationship.When your marriage but don't allow yourself to make in your marriage.Sometimes while trying to build a happy and strong married life.These small steps that you are to him/her.

How Do I Stop My Divorce From Happening

Be open to the park and have patience you can begin to copy the masters, drawing from live models, painting with oils, and learning how to communicate and be flexible.Divorce is perhaps the worst thing to go back to being a woman gives the right guy by doing the wrong thing.Don't give up at the issues that you want to be selfish when you're the only thing they have no children can suffer and get emotional, this is what causes stress and loneliness may lead you to fix the differences between couples happen whenever their is an option if your problems and feel insecure due to the last nail on the more you try to work through this.I know it is not that important and as well as strongly.Mind you, these are just one part in the first place.

Communication is a concern, ask yourself two questions:Spending quality time together to get their kids all set in life and it will take action, to trust a proven method that claims you can start dating again.Many times, marriages fail and what won't work.These images could be in a positive attitude, this may indicate trouble areas that you get back with your spouse, you will be able to help save marriage, even though your love for each other.Some of the help of a child, or a fantasy?

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