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jesse-eisenberg-interview · 2 years ago

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Jesse Eisenberg's Midlife Crisis Awaits

The Fleishman Is in Trouble star talks marriage, gender roles, and that unexpected ending.

At the beginning of Fleishman Is in Trouble, the show is seemingly about a guy getting through a divorce. There's the introduction to dating apps; the reconnection with old friends; the flashbacks of misery. But as you continue watching, it becomes clear this is not a divorce show. Toby Fleishman, a 41-year-old Jewish hepatologist, is also having a midlife crisis. How the hell did he get here? And why him?

His anxiety is palpable. The furrowed eyebrows, excessive blinking, and longing stares are all it takes for viewers to side with a man whose dream of a happy marriage and family is no more. When producers suggested that Jesse Eisenberg play the lead role of Toby, a lightbulb went off for Taffy Brodesser-Akner, who wrote the New York Times bestselling novel that inspired the series and serves as its showrunner and executive producer. It was Eisenberg or bust. “Once it was him in our hearts, anyone else would have been a letdown,” Brodesser-Akner tells Men’s Health. “He is, I believe, the most gifted actor of his generation.”

A gifted actor who’s also a “rare bird,” according to Brodesser-Akner. Rare in the sense for someone to be quick and smart and funny and warm without succumbing to the cynicism that usually breeds from his kind of intelligence (“I’m cynical, it’s just directed inward,” Eisenberg jokes). Rare in the sense that when he calls me directly for this interview in the midst of a seven-hour road trip with his family, he mentions my area code and asks if I’m in Boca Raton (close), then proceeds to ask me questions about my hometown and tell me he has a cousin who went to high school nearby.

Before Eisenberg signed on to the show, that same inquisitiveness led him to buy Brodesser-Akner’s novel on iBooks (yes, iBooks) when he “heard something amazing about it.” But then he heard that Brodesser-Akner was a culture writer and known for profiling celebrities à la Tom Hanks, Bradley Cooper, and Gwyneth Paltrow (“The thing I avoid reading about most in life”). He thought that was what the book was about, so he didn't open it. Cautious curiosity, after all. It wasn’t until he found out Fleishman was being adapted for television and they wanted him for the role that he finally opened it. “Then I read it and devoured it like everybody else in New York at the time and I'm now all caught up.”

Upon Fleishman's eighth and final episode, the FX limited series (currently streaming on Hulu) has an 83 percent rating on Rotten Tomatoes, thanks to its prolific writing and ensemble cast of Eisenberg, Claire Danes, Lizzy Caplan, and Adam Brody. It’s proven to be a masterclass in perspective-shifting storytelling, while also exploring themes of gender, class, desire, and ambition. You'll relate to "the quiet part out loud" moments—even if you’ve never been married or have no plans to be. As the series comes to a close, Men’s Health caught up with Eisenberg to discuss what it was like living in Toby's world, why he refuses to watch himself on-screen, and the fate of Toby and Rachel.

Men's Health: What initially attracted you to the role of Toby?

Jesse Eisenberg: Well, it's a guy who was a little older than me going through what, for him, felt like the end of the world, which is, as an actor, what you want because what you learn in drama school is to live in high stakes. But what I really just loved about the show was that it also took a step back and put his problems in perspective, both from a place of gender that we as an audience are expected to feel a male sympathy that is perhaps not fully earned. And then also just from a place of basically viewing his great fortune in a pretty culturally-aware context. He talks about feeling like he's treated like a poor person, and yet we as readers or as an audience for the show know that he's in a very privileged bubble. So there's a self-awareness to the show while at the same time providing me, an actor, with very high stakes.

I read that you had an anxiety disorder growing up. I’m curious to know if and how you were able to draw from this experience while portraying Toby’s anxiety on screen?

Anytime you're acting in anything, you're typically dealing with some kind of emotional stress. That's just the nature of drama and characters. Actually, I thought this character is about a thousand times more confident and self-actualized than I am. In fact, I would often try to make these little aside jokes in the way I, Jesse, would in my own life to cope with an uncomfortable situation. And Taffy [Brodesser-Akner], who wrote the book and the character, told me he's not like that. He doesn't have the same kind of immediate anxiety and need for coping like I do.

So often eating disorders portrayed on-screen are reserved for female characters. Talk to me about the significance of depicting Toby’s eating disorder and what that process was like?

That was really interesting for me. My relationship to eating disorders is that I had gone to many Overeaters Anonymous meetings with somebody who's close to me for years. You learn very quickly that eating disorders are not just reserved for women, so I was aware of that. Then my other relationship to eating disorders comes from this movie that I did just prior to filming Fleishman Is in Trouble. A month before we started filming, I was playing an amateur bodybuilder who basically force-feeds himself all day. I had spent a year training for the movie with a personal trainer and a dietician to try to gain a lot of weight and muscle. I had spent that year, in terms of my relationship with food, just very frustrated because it's very difficult for me to gain weight. Then the movie ended and I shifted to playing this character who was restricting [with food], so the exact opposite. It was interesting to play this character after thinking about food in a very stressful way for a year.

My relationship to food is a relatively healthy one now. When I'm working I'm very careful about what I eat, but only because I don't want to change my energy level during the day. You shoot for 12 or 14 hours a day, you want to maintain that consistent level of energy. So I don't eat sugar, and I have a very limited amount of caffeine that I proportion out throughout the day.

People have #thoughts on Toby’s dating life (Twitter is mainly just in awe that a nebbish-y, 40-something Jewish man is in his sexual prime). What was it like filming the sex scenes? You were actually nude for one of them, right?

[I'm] working on this show about gender politics—a show which tries to upend thoughts we have about male sympathy—and yet I had to do these sex scenes where the women were definitely going to be naked and it was questionable as to whether I was going to be. I spoke to Taffy and she said, “This is what we're thinking. Are you okay with also being naked?” And my first thought was, let me just ask my wife because I don't have an immediate thought or answer that feels exactly right to me. I presented the situation to my wife and she had one question. She said, “Are the women going to be naked?” I said, “Yes.” And then she said, “Well, then of course you have to.” And I thought, not only is she right, but that's what makes sense for a show about gender politics, that the show doesn't just objectify women.

Speaking of sex and dating, I know you don’t use social media, but have you used dating apps before or were you essentially as clueless as Toby?

In terms of the character's dating life, it's not something that I ever experienced or know about in terms of going online and combing through the dating industry. I thought [it] could not be real when I read about it. And then in talking to people about this show before filming it, they started opening up to me about their dating lives. It was straight women showing me basically dozens and dozens of pictures of men in front of yachts that I'm sure they don't own or go on, and it floored me. I'm a person who doesn't really love options, and to me it would just seem overwhelming.

Fast forward to episode seven, where Claire Danes gives this masterful performance of Rachel’s nervous breakdown. Do you remember watching that episode for the first time? If so, what were your thoughts?

I have not seen a frame of the show. I can’t look at myself. But I read it, obviously, and we did a table reading of it, so I know everything that happens in it.

Is that unique to Fleishman or all of your work?

Oh no, I don't watch myself, ever. I mean, I saw the commercials. The way I can compare my feelings about it is just like, if you go on a trip and then you come back with 100 pictures, you're most likely going to delete 90 of them because you think you look weird. And that's pretty much how I feel about watching myself. I think 90 percent of it is horrible and 10 percent is something I'm happy with. It’s just an excruciating experience to watch myself. But I know that episode well and I loved it and I thought it was just the best.

That episode was of course the first time we learned of the divorce from Rachel’s perspective. What is the subtle messaging around misogyny and feminism that you think people may miss while watching the series?

It's one of these great things that happens in drama where you bring an audience into a story, and then flip the story on its head, and then the audience realizes they've been complicit with something that they now regret. So in the case of this show, the audience is most likely on Toby's side. From his perspective, Rachel looks driven by avarice and ambition, and she seems like a negligent mom and an uninterested wife. That episode reminds the audience of something they probably know, but forgot, which is that every story has two sides. That every person has their own way of looking at something that's just as valid as their adversary. It turns the show from a show that's entertaining into a show that’s profound and instructive.

I loved this line from one of the episodes: “To survive is to evolve, to evolve is to move forward, and to move forward is to recover.” Was there a specific line or scene that resonated with you most?

Oh yes, yes, yes. The scene that resonated with me the most was in episode six, where I go to these two parties. One is a party of Rachel's friends at our new fancy apartment, and the other is a party [with] my old friends. I thought it was amazing in so many ways. On the one hand, it showed the way a character can live in these two lives and accidentally have found himself in a life that is completely unsatisfying to him. I think that could be felt universally, which is just the idea that through making decisions that go one percent in a certain direction every day, you wind up 100 percent in a completely different direction than you had planned.

And then the other thing I think it shows so well are these two sides of New York City that I am a part of. Because I'm in the arts, I'm really part of what I would think of as a more bohemian creative scene. And yet, because I am also in mass entertainment, I find myself also in these very expensive rooms and feel obviously very out of place. But these two things really do exist side by side. And oftentimes there's an overlap of people who will be in both worlds, and I thought that episode captured that so beautifully.

In that final scene, what happens with Rachel and Toby? Does he go back to her? Yell at her to oblivion?

Yeah, I don't know. I'm reminded there was...in the end of the book, where the wife comes back and...I'm so sad it gets me choked up. She comes back to him and she's like, "It's me. It's just me." Basically, somebody you have a history with almost irrespective of the hell you've put each other through, that history still means something. And the question is, what does it mean? Does it mean that there's enough lingering feeling to warrant trying again? Or does it mean that there's so much resentment that the relationship will never be solved?

So, does the show reject marriage or accept it? Considering all three friends ultimately either enter or return to marriage, what does that say about the institution of marriage? Is the lesson simply that it’s flawed? Fleeting?

I think there's a line in the show that "marriage is like democracy. It's the worst form, except for all the others." I guess the thesis of the show is that if we're going to live in this world with these norms, marriage can work and be a really important way to live. But I don't know, obviously for a lot of people it doesn't work. So I don't know if the show is making a blanket statement, but at least for these specific characters it feels right.

You are, from what I understand, a happily married man. After filming this series, does any part of you now question the institution of marriage and its potential consequences?

When you're acting in something, it allows you to live out, in a protected way, the alternate lives that your character is living. So with this I got to, in a safe way, live out the life of what it's like to date on these apps and think about that. It became very quickly unappealing to me. Similarly, living out the life of having a marriage that dissolves and not only dissolves, but dissolves with such a rancor and bitterness...that also is not appealing to me. Claire and I, as actors, got to live out that experience and then go home to our partners with whom we are happily married, and realize that we are lucky. This is something we both discussed—that we both felt lucky at the end of the day that we went home to relationships that were not fraught with the same anger and resentment.

What can other men watching this show learn from Toby, especially those who are currently going through a midlife crisis?

Toby is a guy who prizes, above all else, stability. So to see somebody who has prized and held on to stability over everything else go through a very shaky time is probably cathartic for a lot of people. Because you realize that this kind of instability doesn't just happen to people who are irresponsible. For a lot of people, when they end up going through a chaotic experience, they often assume it couldn't have happened to them. Toby is the last person who ever expected it to happen to him.

Have you gone through a midlife crisis yet?

I think I did when I was 13 because I was very mature. When I was young, [I was] just questioning everything. But I guess you can't call that a midlife crisis because it didn't have to do with age and thinking life was behind me. So no, I guess not.

You’re one of the lucky ones.

Well, there’s still time.

SOURCE

#jesse eisenberg #2022 #fleishman is in trouble

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kanarikadelak1996 · 4 years ago

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How To Save A Marriage When One Person Wants Out

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Save My Marriage From Divorce

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#Save A Broken Marriage Jaw-Dropping Useful Ideas #How To Avoid Divorce In Midlife Crisis

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fredrichards91 · 4 years ago

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How To Save Marriage In America Top Cool Ideas

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Does The Pain Of Divorce Ever Stop

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One Stop Divorce

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#How To Save Marriage In America Top Cool Ideas #How To Avoid Divorce In Midlife Crisis

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cherienymphe · 4 years ago

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Mistakes of the Heart (Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, murder, violence, arranged marriage, mentions of infidelity, mafia!Steve, mafia!Bucky, jealous!Steve, BUCKY X READER

DNI IF ANY OF THIS OFFENDS YOU

➥ {page breaks done by @whimsicalrogers}

➥ Final part to Regrets of Yesterday

summary: your arranged marriage to the infamous Steve Rogers isn’t what you initially thought it would be, but things have worked out better than you could have imagined. However, your arrangement with your husband becomes complicated when feelings, and circumstances, that neither of you anticipated come into play.

Steve pulled out of you, and you winced, heart racing at the predicament you found yourself in. You were a little in shock, having a hard time wrapping your head around what had just happened. Your eyes widened when Steve grabbed his gun after getting dressed, shaking as he told you to do the same.

“…what-what are you going to do?”

He threw you a cold look and getting the hint that he wasn’t going to repeat himself, you put your dress back on. You could feel him between your legs, dripping down your thighs, and disgust filled you. You didn’t have a chance to think about that anymore before Steve fisted his hand in your hair, yanking you up just as Bucky’s panicked voice called your name. You knew then that he’d seen Jarvis’ body.

You stumbled as Steve dragged you along, your nails digging into his skin, but he paid your resistance no mind. The two of you appeared at the top of the stairs just as Bucky took the first step to ascend them, and his eyes widened at the sight of Steve. He was confused, that much was clear, but one look at your face had his jaw clenching.

“Steve…”

Steve pulled you closer.

“…Bucky.”

“Did you kill my housekeeper?”

“I did. I figured he’d get in my way,” your husband told him, and your eyes pleaded with Bucky as they met his.

It was clear he’d noticed the gun in Steve’s hand, and you grew nervous when he took a step towards you.

“Let her go. I’m sure we can talk about whatever your problem is without your hand fisted in her hair,” he sneered.

“Sorry, Buck, but I’m taking my wife home,” Steve told him, tightening his grip.

“She’s not your fucking wife-.”

“See, that’s where you’re wrong. We’re not divorced, and I want my wife at home with me.”

Steve descended the stairs, pulling you along with him, and you shook your head when you saw Bucky reach for his own gun. He looked conflicted, torn between listening to you and attempting to shoot Steve before he shot him.

“Bucky, please…”

You would rather endure Steve for just a little bit longer if it meant that Bucky wouldn’t get hurt. You would rather he live to see another day to deal with this rather than rashly doing something now that would get him killed. Reluctantly, Bucky took a step back, and you didn’t miss the smirk Steve threw him as he walked past. Steve didn’t leave his back to him as he neared the door, and he waved his gun towards Jarvis.

“You might want to do something about that before he stains the carpet.”

Your struggle was renewed the minute you were outside, only pausing when he forced you into the limo. You slapped him as soon as he shut the door, and he glared at you, jaw ticking as he stared you down.

“I hate you,” you forced through trembling lips. “I hate you so much.”

Only the slight twitch in his cheek indicated that he was bothered by your words, but you didn’t care. You sat back, hand on your stomach as you looked away from him. Your chest was tight the whole ride, tears blurring your vision and wetting your cheeks, but neither one of you said another word to each other.

Steve’s grip was rough as he pulled you out of the car, and you stumbled more than once, wincing. You snatched yourself out of his hold as soon as you were inside, back inside of the place you never thought you’d set foot in again. It looked exactly the same, and that brought you no comfort.

“Get cleaned up.”

You threw him a look, but Steve wasn’t even looking at you. He was taking off his jacket and, getting the sense that he wasn’t going to say anything else, you turned towards the stairs. You could feel his eyes on you as you ascended them, and you clutched your stomach. Under the impression that things would remain as they were, you made your way to your old room.

You were surprised to find it completely changed. It was now a nursery, the colors in a gender-neutral pastel green, and your heart skipped a beat. You frowned, disgust and confusion warring within you as you wondered just how long he’d been planning this. You heard Steve’s footsteps, and you whirled around to face him.

“What the hell is this?”

He grabbed your arm as he passed, pulling you along.

“What does it look like?”

“Have you lost your mind? Do you honestly think I will still be here by the time this baby comes?”

He didn’t answer, opting instead for pulling you into his room. You had never stepped foot in it, never desired to, and you were surprised when he pulled you into a closet on the far side of the room, forcing you to come face to face with a room full of feminine clothes. Part of you wondered if he was really going to put you in the clothes of one of his mistresses or something, but you paused when you noticed that a good number of them were maternity clothes.

You took a shaky breath as he nudged you further into the closet, and you shook your head in disbelief.

“Why are you doing this?” you demanded, looking at him.

He simply turned away, and your frustration grew.

“Get cleaned up and put on something nice, then come downstairs and join me for dinner,” was his only reply.

You heaved an exasperated sigh the minute he was gone. You knew that Bucky wasn’t going to waste any time before coming up with a plan to make Steve let you go, but you didn’t want him to put his life in danger. It was crazy to think that the two were best friends, and yet, Steve didn’t look like he’d hesitate to shoot him. You’d had no idea, never could have guessed that he’d had this much animosity towards yours and Bucky’s relationship.

How could you?

Steve hadn’t just ignored your existence until it was convenient for him during your marriage, but he’d acted as if you were a burden. He didn’t even like you as a human being, let alone romantically. You wondered if you could talk Steve out of this. Surely the man was going through a midlife crisis or something. With that thought, you made your way to the bathroom to wash the feel and stench of Steve off of you. You found a simple maternity dress in the closet, disturbed at how well it fit.

Not wanting to bring on anymore of Steve’s wrath, you were quick to make your way to the dining room. Steve was waiting for you, murmuring something to the cook when you arrived. You were disappointed to see your plate next to him on his left as he sat at the head of the table. You hesitantly sat down next to him, avoiding his eye as you eyed the healthy baby safe food before you.

“I hope you like it,” he said. “I made Gwen research healthy recipes for expecting moms.”

“Why are you doing this?” you sighed out, repeating yourself.

You didn’t want to play along in this horrible game. Steve’s jaw clenched as he looked at you, seemingly upset that you weren’t going to do just that. He sat his utensils down with a sigh.

“I told you…I want you here with me,” he said, reaching for your hand.

You snatched it away, trembling hand falling to your lap as you glared at him.

“Husband and wife and the husband’s several mistresses…how romantic,” you sarcastically threw out.

Steve leaned back in his chair.

“It won’t be like that,” he told you, and you laughed.

��You expect me to believe that you just…gave it all up? Do you remember the things you said to me the last time we saw each other?”

The hardening of his eyes told you that he did, but you continued anyway.

“Let me remind you. You accused me of coming up with some grand scheme to force your hand. The idea that I genuinely didn’t want to be with you anymore was so outlandish to you that the only possible explanation was a trick on my part.”

You chuckled, finding genuine humor in the situation.

“I don’t know if you just think that highly of yourself or maybe you think so lowly of me to think I’d ever beg a man to stay faithful to me, but it was hurtful. You were completely malicious, accusing me of jealousy and telling me to suck it up and make the most of my miserable life-.”

“I know what I said,” Steve snapped. “I don’t need a recap from you.”

“Well, you’re going to get one. You are going to sit here and listen to what I have to say!”

He glared at you, something unrecognizable in his eye, and you returned the gesture.

“You are not a good husband, Steve. You’re not even a good man. I accepted our marriage for what it was. Truth be told, I was very happy with our little arrangement, and if you had come to me to tell me that you wanted a real marriage, that you wanted both of us to only be with each other…I would have laughed in your face.”

Steve’s jaw ticked, and you sneered at him.

“I would have laughed at the sheer audacity. Now somehow, after misleading me into thinking we were divorced, after killing Jarvis, after raping me…you think I’d ever entertain this? I want nothing to do with you, so…” you leaned back in your seat. “Tell me what I have to do in order for you to let me go…”

Steve smirked.

“I’m not letting you go. I know you think this is all one big joke-.”

“Because it has to be! What do you want? A baby? Do you want me to publicly humiliate myself to salvage your own image after the divorce?”

“I want you here with me,” he said, tone leaving no room for arguments. “We’re not getting a divorce.”

You didn’t listen.

“…and my son?”

You watched as Steve’s brows furrowed, a frown taking over at the reveal of your baby’s gender. He slowly exhaled.

“I’ll raise him as my own. That should be my son, anyway,” he added.

You didn’t miss the bitterness in his voice, and you sneered at him.

“He isn’t your son though. He’s Bucky’s,” you told him, taking great satisfaction in the way his face clouded over. “You really expect me to believe that you’ll just…overlook that? Raise him like he’s yours even though he isn’t?”

He didn’t respond, and you continued.

“What will happen when he looks nothing like you? How will you really react when you stare into the face that’s the perfect mix of me and your best friend? As a matter of fact, how in the world are you going to do business with said friend now? You truly didn’t think about any-.”

Your words died in your throat when Steve wrapped his hand around it, chair falling over as he stood to tower over you. You simply stared at him, jaw clenching as he glared down at you, blue eyes stormy with rage.

“You can rile me up as much as you like. You can use every trick in the book to remind me why this isn’t a good idea, but I don’t care. You are mine,” he spat through clenched teeth.

He suddenly let you go, and you sharply inhaled. Tears kissed your eyes as he sat back down, returning to his food like nothing had happened.

“I should have done things differently, I will acknowledge that, but I can only make up for it now. So…”

He reached over to wipe away a stray tear, a smirk dancing along his pink lips.

“We are not getting a divorce. As far as everyone knows, that baby is mine, as is his mother. There won’t be anyone else from here on out, only you.”

You turned your head away from him with a frown.

“You’ll learn to be happy with me as you were with him. Now, finish your dinner before it gets cold…”

Resigned to accept his words until you, or Bucky, could come up with a plan, you did as he said.

The hardest part, the true test, came later that night. Even though clothes that were meant for you were located in a closet in his master bedroom, it didn’t occur to you that he expected you to sleep there.

“No,” you said, shaking your head. “There are at least 3 other rooms in this house. There’s no reason I have to lie next to you.”

You and Steve had been staring each other down for minutes. You’d almost thrown up once you realized where he intended for you to sleep and sleeping without Bucky at your side was one thing but sleeping next to the man who’d ruined your life was something else entirely. Steve seemed to be out of patience, and you fought against him as he reached for you.

He was firm with you, but somehow still careful, and you gasped when you found yourself on the bed. Holding you down with his body, Steve reached over to turn out the light, drowning the room in darkness. Overwhelmed with everything, you couldn’t stop the tears from collecting in your eyes, a quiet sob escaping.

You fought against him, but eventually, you found your back to his front with his arm tightened around you. Your shoulders shook with quiet sobs, stomach churning when you felt his lips against the back of your neck. You didn’t want to fall asleep, you didn’t trust Steve as far as you could throw him, but your body betrayed you.

Between the events of the day, your physical exertion from fighting with Steve, and your pregnancy, sleep claimed you whether you welcomed it or not. You dreamed of Bucky, apparently saying his name in your sleep, something you only figured out when you woke up to the feel of Steve sliding into you.

You gasped, hand reaching up to grab his wrist, one hand on your neck while the other rested on your stomach. The soft rays of sunlight were gradually brightening the room, and tears collected in your eyes with every thrust. His breath on the back of your neck made you cringe, and you pushed your elbow into his stomach.

“Steve,” you protested, moving to get away from him but he had you in a tight hold, chest pressing into your back.

“Be grateful I’m going easy on you,” he murmured, breathing labored. “You think I like to wake up to my wife calling another man’s name?”

You couldn’t even speak, chest tight, a sob caught in your throat as he brushed his lips over your cheek.

“I want to wake up like this every morning…coming inside of my beautiful wife,” he groaned.

You couldn’t even register the fact that that was the first time he’d ever complimented you. You squirmed against him, core throbbing under the ministrations of his relentless cock. You wanted to get as far away from him as possible, and Steve seemed to only want to get closer.

“…the only thing that would make this better is if I had put that baby in you myself,” he breathed, groaning against your skin as he spilled into you.

He remained still for a moment, the only sound in the room that of your labored breaths. You were shaking, fear and disgust filling you, and he eventually pulled away. You could feel the mess he’d made between your thighs, and you laid there, face wet as he moved to get ready for the day.

You didn’t leave the bed until long after he’d gone, parting with a kiss on your cheek. You felt dirty when you sat up, and it took everything in you to get up and shower. You cried the entire time, and when you exited the room, you were met with a quiet mansion. You knew the staff was around though because fresh breakfast was waiting for you when you entered the dining room.

You ate alone, nibbling at your food as you forced yourself to eat despite your lack of appetite. When you were done, despite your suspicions, you tried the front door anyway. It was locked from the outside somehow. Every other entrance was no different. You couldn’t even get the windows to budge. You had made your way to Steve’s office, a room you had never set foot in, only to find it locked as well. You had kicked the door in frustration, telling yourself not to cry.

It seemed you had no choice but to wait for Steve.

This went on for days. The staff practically ignored your existence as they cooked for you, and you sat around waiting for Steve to return. You two would argue, even resorting to begging him to let you go, but he never budged. It would trickle into dinner, sometimes ending the affair early, and he would proceed to take his anger out on you.

He fucked you until you were on the verge of sleep, paying no mind to your tears and pleas. Sometimes, he woke you up the same way. Only 4 days after he’d taken you, there was a pounding on the front door. You could hear it all the way upstairs where you were avoiding Steve, and you slowly made your way down the hall. You were around the corner, looking down into the entrance as Steve opened the door, only for your eyes to widen as Bucky forced himself inside.

“Where is she?”

You watched as Steve reached out to stop your fiancé, but Bucky shook him off. Neither of them had noticed your presence.

“I’ve offered you shares, all of the money I have, hell, even my business, but you’re being as stubborn as ever. I’m done trying to negotiate. Where is she, Steve?”

The two men glared at one another, and you swallowed, about to make your presence known when Bucky continued.

“I know it kills you that she wasn’t as miserable with your arrangement as you grew to be. I know it kills you even more that I was the man she turned to, that I’m the father of her child, but she chose me…so deal with it,” Bucky said, sounding all kinds of exasperated.

“You have no right to her-.”

“She’s a person, Steve! Not one of your possessions you can hide away from the world,” Bucky sneered.

“She is still my wife. That isn’t going to change, and you are trespassing,” Steve snapped.

“You don’t even love her!”

Your heart clenched as you watched the way Bucky’s face twisted, nostrils flaring as he frowned at your husband. His chest heaved, and he threw up his hands, a scoff escaping him as he shook his head at the blond.

“You don’t even love her,” he quietly repeated. “You don’t know what it’s like to love her, and what’s worse is that…I don’t believe you even want to. You just don’t want her to be with anyone else.”

You gripped the railing, carefully moving downstairs, drawing Bucky’s attention before Steve could say anything. Steve followed Bucky’s gaze and moved before he could. You both called Steve’s name as he blocked you from each other, but you were screaming it with wide eyes only seconds later when Steve pulled out his gun, forcing it into your mouth while he curled his fingers around the back of your neck.

You couldn’t see Bucky from your angle, but you heard the way he paused, heard his breath hitch. Your own heart froze, fear seizing you as Steve tightened his hold. You were too afraid to even swallow, and tears kissed your eyes as you blinked.

“You’re right, Buck. I don’t want anyone else to have her, and if you keep pushing me, I’ll make it so that no one does.”

Steve’s voice was cold, not just icy, but venomous too, and something in you told you that he was serious. That he wasn’t just trying to scare Bucky into leaving, scare you into staying. You truly believed that Steve would kill you just so no one else could have you. There was brief silence, thick with tension, before Bucky eventually spoke.

“This isn’t over, Steve.”

Steve took a step back, taking you with him, and you clutched your stomach.

“This is far from over, and if I find out that you harmed her in any way, this will be more than just a severed friendship. I’ll hunt you down like you’re my worst enemy,” Bucky sneered, sounding like the complete opposite of what you were used to.

“That’s all very touching, but you’re still in my house…and I still have a gun in her mouth.”

You could hear your fiancé’s harsh breaths before eventually, and reluctantly, moving towards the door. Steve only took the gun out when Bucky exited, but you felt no relief. Stomach churning, you couldn’t prevent your food from coming up, and your throat protested as you threw up at your feet. Steve reached for you, and you shoved him away.

You stumbled towards the door, ignoring him as he called your name. You knew he wouldn’t let you walk out, at least not alive, but that didn’t stop you from collapsing at the door, leaning your head against the expensive wood. Your vision was blurry as the tears finally spilled over, chest tight as you fought not to cry harder. You heard him approach you, standing in the entrance to the foyer as he watched your huddled form. You don’t know how long you sat there crying, nor how long he stood there…just watching you, but eventually you spoke.

“You could have any woman you want,” you whispered. “You could have any woman who would be happy to be with you.”

You turned to look at him, eyes puffy and lips trembling.

“…but it’s me you choose to torment. My life you choose to ruin.”

Steve’s jaw ticked, and if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was offended. His blue eyes flashed with something you couldn’t name, and you glowered at him.

“I know that deep down, you don’t actually care about whether or not I love you. I know that my staying with you is what matters most,” you started.

You pulled your thighs to your stomach, resting your hands on your knees as he stared at you.

“So allow me to make myself clear in terms that you’ll understand, Steve. You can lock me away until I give birth. Hell, you can do so until I get pregnant and give birth again, but it will never make a difference because I will never want you.”

Steve straightened, looking down his nose at you as he fingered the gun in his hand.

“I will never desire you, I will never need you, I will never even dream of you. Every time you kiss me, I will imagine its Bucky. Every time you touch me, I will wish it is his hands instead. Every time I am far too quiet, and you find yourself wondering ‘what she’s thinking about’, know that I am thinking about Bucky. When you watch me in my sleep like I know you do, know that I am dreaming about him. It will always be him.”

The silence was deafening, and for a moment, you wondered if he was going to shoot you and be done with it. However, despite the fact that Steve’s face had clouded over, fearfully so, he simply took a step back before walking away, leaving you alone to lean your head back against the door.

It was late in the night when you were roused from sleep by a noise that passed through the many rooms of Steve’s mansion. You were surprised that you’d woken up at all. Steve may not have reacted to your words then and there, but he was sure to let you know how he really felt once night came. You had cried yourself to sleep like you did every night since he’d taken you, and even now, your body still ached rom his harsh grip, cum dried between your thighs.

You thought that you were imagining things, but when you heard it again, you carefully slid out from Steve’s hold. The house was quiet, the soft carpet cushioning your steps. You slid your hand along the wall, the other clutching your stomach as you picked up on another noise. Nervous and afraid, you reached out to turn on the hallway light only to realize that it didn’t work. Pausing, you noted that the house was colder, and you knew then that the power was out.

You wouldn’t dare attempt to go down the stairs, but even if the power were working, something in you told you not to. You discovered why when moments later, multiple gunshots could be heard, quickly followed by the sound of breaking glass. You flinched, stumbling back against the wall as multiple things became clear at once. Several people were breaking into the house, they were armed, and Steve was awake and calling your name.

Taking advantage of the sudden chaos, you slipped into a nearby room, shutting the door just as Steve’s voice filled the hallway. You hurried towards the closet, shutting yourself inside as your mind whirled. Several of Steve’s own men stayed on the property, just not in the main building, and it wasn’t long before you heard different kinds of guns join the fray. You didn’t exactly know what was happening, and you smoothed your hand along your swollen stomach in an effort to calm yourself.

You could still faintly hear Steve calling your name, but it eventually faded away, and you surmised that he went downstairs. You briefly wondered if this was Bucky’s doing, and you frowned, wondering why that hadn’t initially occurred to you. Of course, you knew that he was in the same business as Steve, knew of the ugly side he never allowed you to see, and that was precisely why the idea that Bucky was behind this was a foreign one. A shocking one.

Still, in case it wasn’t, you cursed yourself for not searching for something to protect yourself with. You knew where Steve kept his guns, and you would feel much safer with one right now. That thought only increased when you heard the bedroom door open. You were no longer alone, and the other person in the room was just as quiet as you were. The commotion going on was louder now, and you reached out to grip the wall when you heard the bathroom door open.

You could faintly see light from beneath the closed door, and the way it moved told you that it was a flashlight. You could feel your stomach churning, fear and confusion and anxiety filling you. The stranger in the room had yet to say anything, give any sort of indication as to who they were. Your heart dropped when the closet door swung open, and a blinding light filled your vision. You squinted, unable to see a thing and wondered if you were going to be met with your death or another assault and kidnapping.

You were met with a third option.

“Doll?”

You didn’t have time to feel relief before familiar arms pulled you into a warm chest. A bit dazed and in shock, you absentmindedly pressed your fingers into his back, wide eyes staring ahead. You hadn’t even realized that you were trembling until Bucky started rocking you.

“Shh, shh, you’re okay. I’m here now,” he whispered.

“I thought-.”

“I know.”

“Steve-?”

“Outside. That was the last time I saw him,” he answered.

You breathed him in and felt him do the same before he started walking backwards, taking you with him. The room was bathed in darkness once again, and he maneuvered you so that you were behind him as he moved to make his way out. His hand was tight on yours as he weaved through the halls gun first. You gasped when he led you down the stairs, the recognizable shapes of bodies on the floor even in the darkness.

One of his cars, one of the bulletproof ones, was parked further down the driveway. His steps were hurried as he pushed you in front of him, and as you neared the car, you thought to yourself that this seemed too easy. Nothing involving Steve was ever easy, and you were disappointed to be proven right.

You fell to the ground when Bucky was shoved against the car, landing on your back. You winced, and the sound of fists meeting bone reached your ears just as the unmistakable sound of a gun hitting the ground did too. With a struggle, you pushed yourself into a sitting position, watching as Bucky slammed his fist into Steve’s nose, the two of them on the ground before you.

Ignoring the pain in your back, you looked around, eyes zeroing in on the black weapon not far away. You forced yourself to your feet, quickly wrapping your hand around it. Steve was on top of Bucky now, slamming your fiancé’s head into the ground, and you didn’t hesitate. Steve fell against the side of the car, face twisted into pain from the bullet wound in his back.

His blue eyes met yours, and you felt no remorse as he struggled to stand. You could hear Bucky pushing himself to his feet, and you hurried to his side. You wiped the blood from his face, swallowing when he slid the gun from your grip. You pressed yourself against him, shaking your head.

“He’s not worth it-.”

“He won’t stop,” he argued, teeth clenched.

“He’ll have no choice. He’ll never find us if we leave. Killing him will start something neither one of us want to be involved in,” you told him.

You could see the conflict on Bucky’s face, and you knew that he knew you were right. Everything would go to you, and many people would dispute that, claiming that you were unfit to run the business. Even worse, you could only imagine what people would think of you and Bucky publicly getting together after your husband’s death. They would suspect the worse, and they would be right. You’d make enemies out of people you had never even met.

With a sneer, Bucky opened the passenger door before ushering you in. You massaged your stomach as he slid into the driver’s seat, relief only filling you when the mansion started to grow smaller. You leaned back, the stress of the past few days getting to you. Bucky, sensing this, took your hand, rubbing his thumb over your skin. He brought it to his lips, a shaky breath escaping him.

“You don’t know the weight that’s been lifted off of my shoulders,” he whispered.

You could see that he was struggling to keep it together. The stress of seeing you get taken by Steve, powerless to stop him, and powerless again when he threatened your life and that of your son’s. You reached for his face with your free hand as he drove down the street, determined to put as much distance between you and Steve as possible.

“Hey…I’m okay,” you quietly told him, fingers ghosting over his cheek.

“…are you?”

You knew what he was asking, and you knew that if you had told him what really happened to you, he would have killed Steve on the spot. More so, you didn’t want Bucky to have to carry that burden, to blame himself for what Steve did to you. You brushed your thumb over his lips, sending him a small smile.

“I am now.”

You leaned your head against his shoulder, Bucky’s soft breaths lulling you to sleep more than the purr of the vehicle. Steve was finally behind you, and although you weren’t as free of him as you would like to be, it seemed insignificant with Bucky and your son at your side.

tags: @mcudarklibrary @sherrybaby14 @harryspet @xoxabs88xox @darkficreposter @opheliadawnwalker3 @honeychicanawrites @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @readermia @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin @buckybarnesplumwhore @quaksonhehe @nerdygirl8203 @patzammit @mandiiblanche @cocoamoonmalfoy @gotnofucks @alexakeyloveloki @vogueworthy-barnes @supraveng @doozywoozy @ventinglation @oneoftheprettynerds @supernaturalwintersoldier @what-is-your-wish @vicmc624

#Dark Fic #dark steve rogers #dark steve x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader #mafia!bucky #mafia!steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve x reader

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oftenderweapons · 4 years ago

Text

Mold Me New (1) – Taehyung

A Small Town Swoons story

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Wordcount: 3.2k

Genre: ceramic artist!Taehyung, divorced!reader, Strangers to Lovers, Fluff, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: 18+ (for future smut and explicit thoughts)

Hello to my readers!!! Welcome to the Small Town Swoons Universe! 🥰✨

In this episode: Introducing the reader’s backstory, exploring her life as a wife and then as a single woman who is slowly getting to know herself as an individual person.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: There are mild curse words, a bit of a sad vibe regarding falling out of love and getting a divorce, description of several bad dates and good ones that end badly, mention of getting drunk, mention of sex toys, mention of one night stand.

In case you like my writing, here is my directory for idol!AUs, scenarios and imagines, and in case you need it, here’s the Spotify music companion.

I forgot to mention, bc I’m dumb and bc we’re becoming one body with two souls, but this chapter (as most of the decent, edited things I post) was beta read by the magical @joheunsaram (she’s recently lost her previous blog and she’s rebuilding it, please go say something nice and YOU SHOULD FOLLOW HER SHE’S A QUEEN ,,,,, my queen 🥺✨)

Enjoy 💜✨

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

When you fall in love with someone, the feeling is like entering a chocolaterie. The scent engulfs you, full and rich and sultry, igniting your senses, the heat making your skin glisten in a light sheen of perspiration, making you exceedingly vulnerable to pointless stuff, like the way your lover exhales. Or their hands skimming your arms.

At least, that was what your best friend had told you.

You had none of that. To you love was a daisy being twirled under your nose, sharing cotton candy, the smell of crisp apples, flannel sheets, the sound of dead leaves crackling under matching footsteps, a sturdy but shiny steel band around your finger suddenly substituted by a golden one.

That had been the beginning of the end. When practicality and simplicity had turned into conventionality and disinterest.

When gifts stopped being things you loved and became things he thought you loved. And then things everyone loved.

When love became a chore, that's when everything crumbled. When kisses became just a good morning and a welcome back, when there were no more laughs echoing in the kitchen, when leaves kept falling but it was your footsteps alone making them crackle, when flannel sheets kept feeling warm but still something was missing — because someone was missing — when suddenly there was no more time for fairs and cotton candy, when daisies became roses, Love stopped making sense. It stopped having a meaning for you.

You were no longer sure of the life you had built with the man of your dreams, the boy you had fallen in love with when you were eight, the guy who had walked with you across the corridors of your high school, who had made you twirl under the lame disco ball of your prom, who had gone through college finals with you, who had spent three summers making your hangout spot into a home, turning the small old shack into a proper place for you to build a new life together. He was your first kiss, your first valentine, your first time. He was the man at the end of the aisle, the man who would walk with you until the last of your days.

But one day he started running and you still walked.

Or maybe you were both running in different directions, no longer on the path to the same destination, your priorities somehow switched.

Of course, it wasn't his fault.

It wasn't yours either.

You had both participated in this small unraveling, and you had both expressed the intention of changing, of finding compromise, an in-between, without either of you actually making the effort of fixing your trajectory, small habits and old pet peeves pulling you even farther apart.

The attempts — multiple ones — were painstakingly embarrassing. There were tears on both sides as you wondered what had caused this sudden rift that separated you — except it wasn't sudden, only your realisation was; the crevasse had been there for way longer. Maybe it had started as a small chipping the very day you met him, and it wasn't until now that you realised how the small sign had turned into an ominous presence, and then into unfathomable, inevitable doom.

And then the divorce.

It had been disgustingly easy, both parties agreeing on the procedures.

You didn't want the house. And you didn't need it. He didn't either.

Selling it had been exceedingly painless, you had shared the money, since he wanted to offer you stability. He already knew you would both suffer and he didn't want you worrying about rent. He was still your friend, after all.

Going back to being alone scared you at the beginning, until you realised that few things were truly bothering you. At least there wasn't this ghost of a human making you doubt all of your plans. You could plan dinner five days ahead or improvise. You could go to the restaurant as a last minute deal. You could go on long walks without the 'I'm sorry baby, emergency' making you rush back to town.

It felt like a bit of a liberation.

And your family's bookshop was doing well enough, since it was situated near the college and it also offered printing service.

Of course there were bad days. Sometimes you woke up searching for a body beside yours, however that feeling had significantly subdued after you had gotten used to the new bed. You missed human contact, being close, intimate with someone, having someone who knows you that deeply.

And then the true nightmare.

Finding someone new.

You were genuinely uninterested in dating. You had given it a go and it had sufficed.

It wasn't your world.

How could it possibly be?

You had never dated. You had basically offered your heart to the person that has always owned it. It's not like you had any experience in that labyrinth that is dating. All those unspoken social norms and the pining and tension. You only knew the comfort of a warm hug, the beauty of a kiss sparking from innocence and affection and slowly turning into steady, warm passion. You didn't like infernos, you liked candles. You liked the domestic hearth. You liked moderation.

And dating was all about extremes, from strangers to 'I'm inspecting your throat' on date one. And then suddenly it's date three and the same guy who brought you to a pizza place and a diner is suddenly going out of his way to bring you to a pretentious, expensive restaurant as a way to propitiate the possibility of you dropping your panties.

You had allowed this foolery only three times. Apparently all the suitable suitors were either really prone to pushing the pedal or had a passion for tongue gastroscopies.

The first one, Albert, had been quite the gentleman on date one. On date two he started making inappropriate jokes with a heavy body shaming undertone — a bit cliché for the stereotypical gym rat. And on date three he had dropped all pretenses at politeness and had outright palmed your ass in public, which made you rightfully uncomfortable. As you pointed that out, he proceeded saying that after all it was your third date and it was time to loosen up a little.

You didn’t even bother staying for dinner, left a bill on the table and left.

No matter the first disappointment, you decided not to let that disrespectful fool slow you down. And since your best friend knew everything about rat headed number one, you allowed her to set you up with one of her colleagues after she reassured you he was nothing like the one before.

Except somehow he was. The first date was at the local pub, and you somehow found yourself getting along well, his jokes were funny and he had good timing, he was relaxed, confident but still a bit clumsy and shy. He could be a good candidate.

But that was before he pushed his tongue to your tonsils as he kissed goodbye.

You gagged.

On date two he admitted you weren’t exactly his type. You were glad to reciprocate the statement after he told you his dream was having four children and a farm, alluding to the fact that his bride needed to be the perfect housewife.

You were pretty adamant that was not the kind of future you wanted for yourself.

Candidate number three was a guy you had met while grocery shopping, and somehow he had impressed you in an absolutely positive way on date one and two. Everything had been perfect, he was kind, considerate and well-mannered. Date three had been innocent, simple, down-to-earth. And then date four. Perfect dinner at his place. He had made you swoon and he had a very pretty cat he was very affectionate with.

He was the first man you had felt desire for in a very long time — almost eight months after your divorce.

The sex had been decent for being a first time.

And then he had entirely disappeared and never texted or called you back, which didn’t sit entirely wrong with you. You wished him all the best but you were actually glad. You liked being you and doing your own thing: having someone too much down your neck, getting in a relationship, having to check in with another person again felt more like a burden than a win.

Maybe it was just a coping mechanism to avoid facing the fact that he had been someone you could have liked, someone you could have built something with.

You were a happy woman, and it’s not like you really felt lacking or incomplete, like some of your single friends felt. And you had no intention of starting a family anytime soon, no matter if your old high school classmates had begun popping out kids left and right. You were more than happy to live the teen and early-twenty years you had spent in a relationship.

You were getting to know yourself in a way most of your friends didn’t have time to — you could already see them going through a midlife crisis after their kids became old enough to navigate life by themselves, which meant no more need for overprotective, and sometimes borderline suffocating, mothers, who suddenly found themselves with too much free time and too little tasks to complete.

Knowing your needs made you a stronger, better woman, and solitude had gifted you a level of introspection and balance that you doubted they could ever reach; maybe that was an arrogant consideration, but you knew there was no way knowing and loving yourself would ever bring you to crying over disrespectful, ungrateful youth whose only fault was that of growing up out of their mothers’ plans.

Unfortunately, there was no way your family — especially your grandmother — could ever tolerate the idea of you not needing a man and a family to be happy.

“Oh, come on, isn’t it time for you to bring a nice fellow back home?”

You shook your head as you and your grandma took a walk along the river, the sunny March afternoon feeling way too nice to stay at home. “Granny. There’s no people like Grandad anymore.”

“Oh, darling. You’re starting with the wrong role model. Not even back in my days we had men like him. He was the exception.” She nodded to herself with a sweet smile, remembering the husband she had lost a few years back.

“It’s so frustrating. And after all that happened… You know how it was. We were together for years. He was the only one I had. I don’t even know how to do these things. And books cannot teach you stuff like that. The more you read, the more you realise that most of these men had never even seen a rom com.”

“Oh, come on, but you have the internet these days! Can’t you find him in there? You have all these phones and computers and everyone has them, there must be a good one in the internet.”

She always said that “in the internet”. Like it was a physical place.

“I don’t even want to look in there, Granny. There are so many dangers in there.” You shuddered as you thought at the funny instagram pages where the people posted screenshots of the worst descriptions. All the embarrassing playboys and the fishermen and the lame wanna-be poets.

“Right… How can you know he is really is a person?” She considered, patting your back proudly. “You’re pretty. And you’ve always had the most perfect bum of all your cousins. Just like mine!” She grinned cockily, giving a playful smack to your ass, making you laugh loudly.

“It won’t last long.” You said, looking down. Solitude scared you sometimes. Being old and alone could be hard on the spirit and you had a feeling that old hag you would curse your dumb arrogance and inconsideration. However, for now you were still somehow making it through. Your divorce was finalised almost ten months ago. You could still consider yourself just fresh out of it.

“You’re smart. And I’m sure you have a lot to offer. You’re a good woman, and you’re far from being too old. There’s never a thing such as too old. Don’t let yourself be fooled. Look at me.” She said. “I’m still living a good life. Herbert has left me but I’m still here. Walking. Cooking. Drizzle keeps me good company.” She smiled sweetly at the mention of her dog, a lovely large poodle elegantly strolling at her side, its light grey fur finely trimmed by your grandmother’s expert hands. She had been a hairdresser for decades: learning how to keep Drizzle’s coat had been a cup of tea for her and he’d kept her distracted from grief after your grandpa passed away.

Her face formed a meditative pout. “Maybe you should just get a dog. Or even better, a cat. You’ve always looked like a cat child to me. So quiet and focused, like you knew some secret that nature would speak to you alone. You were always so attentive as a child!”

You smiled and looked at the path under your feet. Drizzle stayed unbothered as a loud, angry dachshund walked towards him, barking annoyingly. You had never felt sympathy for that small evil breed.

“I think I could get a kitten one of these days. Or a cat, from the shelter.”

“I’m sure you’ll find it in the internet!”

“So we’re really doing the party thing?”

“Listen, baby. It’s gonna be your first party as a free woman. Real mind blowing birthday sex.”

“I’m not a virgin, you know?” You stared at your face in the mirror, spreading some moisturiser over your forehead, inspecting the small lines there. You shrugged and let them be.

Maybe you would spend your best years single and find a sugar baby in ten or twenty years. Wait, weren’t those called toy boys?

Who cares.

Maybe it was time to get the post-grad you had always dreamed of. You would need to check your bank account before making that decision — maybe finally telling yourself yes could be the real birthday gift. That is, beside the huge dildo waiting in your drawer. Not being attracted to men or women didn’t mean you didn’t like sex.

You just found it difficult to imagine being with someone.

“Darling I’d bet an arm and a leg he never gave it to your right. You just need a bit more experience.”

All you needed was a hot bath, some candles and a good book. No man, no one night stand, no birthday sex could possibly make you as happy as decent jazz, wine and a novel.

“Why aren’t we doing that wine tasting at the winery out of town?”

“Because I want you choking on cheap alcohol, having all the fun you didn’t have on your twenty-first birthday because you were planning your own wedding. And I bet you’re the only one who wasn’t fucked in the bathroom of the Wickhead.”

Terry could be incredibly crude, but you loved her nonetheless. You loved her even more for it. She had never hidden anything from you, she had told you even the most embarrassing details of her own life. And she had always been the kindest, most faithful friend: she had driven you way out of town when you were eighteen and your period was late and you needed to buy a pregnancy test without all everyone and their dog knowing; she had chosen your wedding dress for you, spotting it and telling you it was going to be the one before you could even see it. When your marriage had started crumbling, she had spent countless nights with you, keeping you company when your husband was busy with his business trips. Though Terry had insinuated cheating, you knew he would never break your trust like that, and she had decided to trust your better judgement.

You had simply fallen out of love with each other.

And when you had moved into your new apartment, Terry had helped you repaint the walls and build the extra bookcases and install the shelves and fill your wine stand. Before leaving she had grabbed an unfamiliar box from her car, placing it on top of your bed, opening it and spreading out a set of “single necessaire”, as she called it. A couple toys, lube, condoms. To celebrate your re-found sexual promiscuity, she had said, though you objected, it was hard rediscovering something you had never had.

She had shaken her head and left you to “familiarise” yourself with everything.

“You know I’m not exactly a party person, Terry. This will end badly.” You said, sitting on your bed with your back against the headboard, your legs stretched out before you.

“You can allow yourself some fun once in a decade, you know?” You could hear her scoff on the phone.

“But I do have fun. Book. Wine. Bingo!” You explained, rolling your eyes as the booed.

“Come on, do it for me. Do it for your single friend who wants to get drunk and possibly sixty-nine? Please?” The other thing wrong with Terry is that if you ever met her in person, you would face the sweetest five foot three and a half — she insisted on the half — human being you could ever meet, with pretty wavy blonde hair and wide, sweet green eyes, the most boopable button nose and a sprinkle of freckles on her golden skin. She literally glowed in sunlight and her flowy gowns always made her look like a goddess: you could see men fighting for her, dying for her and going to war for just one of her gentle smiles.

“Don’t you have a FWB for that sixty-nine thingie?” You asked with an exceedingly inquisitive tone. It had been a while since she last updated you.

“Dumped him.” She replied curtly.

You tutted before exhaling. Emotionally constipated people — what’s wrong with them?

“He’s dating someone since he was ready for a relationship.” Terry sounded a bit colder than usual.

“And you weren’t?” You asked. You felt your tone hesitate with slight concern. You knew she would just put up a wall and ignore your question.

Fortunately, she didn’t. “I’m not ready to talk about that. It’s complicated, Frog.”

She was hurt and wanted a distraction.

“Okay, Terry. We’re going to get rip roaring drunk this Saturday.”

The line went silent.

“You know I love you right?”

“I love you too, sweetie. Now go to sleep, you have an early shift tomorrow.”

The line went silent after you bid each other goodnight, your body settling underneath the sheets once you realised your eyes were fluttering shut as you tried to read a few pages to put yourself to sleep.

Placing down the book, you hugged the extra pillow, settling your face in the corner between your sleeping pillow and your spare one, the heavy woolen comforter acting like a weighted blanket. You placed another pillow behind your back, making a soft cocoon all around you.

Yes, sometimes you still missed being hugged to sleep.

The taglist is open!

Navi: Chapter 1 — Chapter 2 — Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 — Chapter 5 — Chapter 6 — Chapter 7

#taehyung x reader #kim taehyung fanfiction #thetruthuntoldnet #thebtswritersclub #Taehyung strangers to lovers

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justwritethatdown · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter 2 of my high school AU :D

Beca finds herself wanting to know more abou Chloe, but Chloe's friends - and her social anxiety - give her a hard time about that. Also some more insights of her relationship with Jesse, Amy and her family :)

Words Count: 3K

Rating: T

Warnings: Underage smoking and language

Read it on AO3 or under the cut ↓

I don't need much of anything, but suddenly…

“How does it feel to be / Different from me Are we the same / How does it feel?”

That night Beca fell asleep with the smell of Chloe on her pillow, which made her heart do funny things in her chest.

Maybe Chloe wasn’t that bad after all.

Nothing changed at school between them, Chloe didn’t talk to her the next day or the following couple of weeks – not that Beca tried to talk to Chloe but, you know – Beca told herself she wasn’t disappointed at that. They weren’t friends.

“Beca wait!" she heard Chloe call after her and immediately turned around to see the redhead running towards her in the schoolyard “hey! What’s up?” asked Beca unable to control her grin. Chloe offered her a pink ear bug, smiling brightly “I wanted to ask you what you think of this song, it came out yesterday I think".

Beca took the ear bug and put it in her ear, the song was already playing but she knew right away it was Airplanes by B.o.B. ft. Hayley Williams “you like Paramore, right?” Chloe checked and Beca was surprised that the girl not only recognized them from one of her playlists, but she knew them well enough to know Hayley Williams was the singer of the group.

Beca’s smile widened while she nodded “yes! And I think this song is really good" she answered looking at Chloe with surprise “what?” giggled the redhead “nothing...” said Beca looking at her feet “I didn’t think you liked this stuff" she admitted looking back at Chloe.

“And what stuff you thought I liked?” asked Chloe biting her lip “I don’t know... Britney Spears?” guessed Beca screwing up her nose and Chloe gasped “you don’t like Britney Spears?” she gasped in shock tugging at the ear bug wire to make it pop out of Beca’s ear “ouch! I didn’t say that...”

“Who else do you think I listen to? Let’s see" asked Chloe in somewhat of a teasing tone “I don’t know, I don’t want to get in worse trouble that I’m in already... just tell me you don’t listen to Mariah Carey please"

“Mariah Carey is the greatest singer of all times" stated an irritating voice interrupting them “Chloe, I’ve been looking for you everywhere. Who is that?” asked the blonde girl who joined them “hey Bree, she’s Beca... family friends” dismissed Chloe, putting her iPod away. Beca didn’t know why that statement stung so much, it was the truth after all, they only knew each other because their parents – not that she’ll ever consider Sheila family – were friends.

Aubrey – Chloe’s best friend, for what Beca could understand – looked at her from head to toe in disapproval, before turning back to her friend “come on, Stacie is waiting for us” she said walking away and dragging Chloe alongside with her.

“Bye...” Beca told to no one, since the girls were already gone. She went to class wondering if maybe she was wrong about Chloe and they could be more alike than she though, but even popular girls are allowed to like good music, right?

One thing was sure, Chloe wasn’t even remotely as mean as Aubrey was.

At lunch Beca was glad Jesse decided to sit with Benji for once, instead of bothering her, so she could make a playlist of songs she thought Chloe might listen to, and one of those she thought Chloe should listen to.

Amy slept in and skipped school that day – something she did almost every Tuesday – so Beca didn’t have to worry about her either.

“sorry if I stood you up at lunch" apologised Jesse wrapping an arm around her shoulders, knowing very well that Beca would have shrugged it off and be dramatic about him touching her. He giggled when she did just that “you weren’t at my table? I didn’t notice” declared Beca in a monotone voice and Jesse pushed her gently “stop iit" she complained pushing him back “Benji was upset about his chemistry test" he explained without Beca asking “but he got B+” argued Beca and the guy shrugged “it’s the lowest he ever got".

“Where’s Amy by the way? I saw she wasn’t with you at lunch either” he asked “are you going to walk me home?” queried Beca stopping on her tracks – it was a ten minute walk between her house and the school – Jesse shrugged again “if you don’t mind. I don’t have anything better to do anyway" and before Beca could answer, he added “I know you must have missed me today, so you’re welcome" which granted him another shove from the brunette.

“How come you're not wearing your headphones?” “my iPod died at lunch" “aw, because I wasn’t there to keep you company?” he teased “you’re an idiot.”

The truth was that Beca craved more moments with Chloe, she was intrigued by her. Even if she usually was a pretty good judge of character, she was wrong about Chloe the first time and she still couldn’t completely figure her out yet. At school Chloe was a completely different person than who she was at home, she was nice to everyone and always smiling. And then there was that moment they shared in Beca’s room, that was what confused Beca the most, making her second guess all her assumptions about the redhead.

She wanted to get to know her better, but whenever Beca saw the girl in the hallways with her stupid friends she didn’t have the guts to say hi to her and just focused very hard on her steps to avoid eye contact. Beca hated to interact with that kind of people – she hated to interact with any kind of people – they acted like they owned the school and even if Beca couldn’t care less about that, she didn’t want to waste her time feeling judged by them or worse, letting them make a fool out of her. She really didn’t know why Chloe liked them, but again, she didn’t know Chloe at all.

Another month passed by. Beca never showed Chloe the playlists. It wasn’t important and Chloe probably wouldn’t care about that anyway.

“Why is this playlist called ‘Chloe'?” asked Amy making Beca’s blood freeze “that- that’s nothing, why do you always touch my stuff?” she gasped struggling to take the device from Amy, who won the fight without any effort “Jonas Brothers? These songs are so not you" added the blonde confused “It’s just... stupid songs, so I gave it a common stupid girl name” she blurred out wincing at her own words.

Amy narrowed her brows “Isn’t Chloe the name of that redhead you met at those ‘fucking lame dinners' with your father and Sheila?” she inquired making the quote marks gesture while repeating Beca’s words “maybe... I don’t know” tried Beca but she knew she was screwed “Beca...” said Amy not buying it at all.

“Yes, it’s her, okay? I made a playlist of songs I thought she lik-" “you never made me a playlist” interrupted her the blonde “that’s different, she’s- that’s different” blurred out Beca. Amy finally decided to let it go with a shrug connecting her loudspeaker to Beca’s iPod, letting the music fill her bedroom.

“Ugh! Why can’t I just stay with mom?” growled Beca “a couple of weeks at the beach are going to be good for you Bec, why do you have to fight me over everything?” asked her father “I don’t wanna come, dad I wanna work on my mixes, why don’t you understand that?” she whined and ran to her room smashing the door closed behind her.

Her father just informed her that in July they were going on a two weeks’ vacation someplace in Florida with Chloe’s and other two families the Beale used to go on vacation with every year. Beca didn’t have the time to be thrilled about it that she heard the name Posen being mentioned by Sheila. She didn’t even register the other one because she was already spiralling.

Posen like Aubrey Posen. The high bitch in charge at her school, Aubrey Posen. Chloe’s best friend Aubrey Posen. That couldn’t be a coincidence and Beca wasn’t willing to spend a single minute with her, let alone two entire weeks.

“Why is she like this Robert?” she heard Sheila question “what kind of kid doesn’t want to spend time on the beach with her friends?” at the world ‘friends’ Beca felt rage build up inside her – why was Sheila so fucking naive? – but it didn’t last long, because she heard her father sigh defeated “I don’t know honey, I’m afraid I did something wrong with her".

Beca put her headphones on trying to push back the tears that started falling from her eyes.

“She doesn’t want me, does she?” mumbled Beca sitting on her bed, knees pushed tightly against her chest. Her father looked at her sympathetic, sitting at the edge of the bed “Your mom is...” he trailed off for a moment, struggling to find the right words “she is having a hard time and needs to be alone for a while" he tried his best to explain “but she loves you! More than anything” he rushed to add and Beca rolled her eyes.

Lately her father did nothing but take her mother’s side, funny thing is that when they were married, they couldn’t agree on anything. Ever. Beca supposed he felt guilty about her ‘midlife crisis’ since it started just when he asked for a divorce because he couldn’t keep going on like that – or maybe it was the fact that he was in a relationship with stupid Sheila for about a month before that.

Beca’s blood started boiling in her veins at the thought, it was his fault after all, he gave up on their family.

“I’m gonna go at Amy’s” she spat out jumping off the bed.

“Beca, I need you to tell me you’re coming to Florida” he repeated.

“Whatever” answered the girl before leaving the room. It’s not like she had a choice anyway, her dad was just trying not to feel guilty about yet another thing.

“So, you’re going?” asked Amy passing her the joint. They were laying on Amy’s bed listening to music, as always.

“I have to" sighed Beca before smoking “I wish my dad was like yours, he lets you do everything you want" she wined “yeah he's pretty cool" laughed the blonde “or too busy to care maybe" she scoffed carelessly “dude, this pot sucks by the way" growled Beca giving the joint back to her.

Amy took another smoke before agreeing “I know, but I bought it from Luke" she explained “ugh, that dude is an idiot! He wrote ‘Meghan’ on my fake ID” complained Beca. The blonde stared lamely at her for what felt like forever, before cracking up in a loud laugh “Beca all fake IDs have fake names" she gasped trying to stop laughing. Beca looked at her blinking quickly before starting to laugh too.

“Anyway, he is an idiot yes, but he’s hot, so I don’t care" stated Amy “okay but never buy his pot again" demanded the brunette taking back the joint.

“So how are things going with Jesse?” asked Amy out of the blue “what do you mean?” “I mean you have this thing going on for a while now, when are you going to make it official? If you know what I mean...” said Amy wiggling her eyebrows, Beca felt slightly nauseous at that.

“There’s nothing between Jesse and me" she said defensively “oh come on Beca, you two are always attached to the hip!” growled the blonde “you don’t have to hide it from me" she said more softly “he's always attached to my hip I've got nothing to do with that!" spat out Beca getting up “I know you, you wouldn’t let him near you if you didn’t want to" pointed out Amy.

Beca knew her friend was right, she never let anyone get too close to her, but for some reason she allowed Jesse to do that and she had to admit she liked having his invasive ass around – not to Amy anyway, she was never going to admit that to Amy.

“That’s none of your business” she cut off rising the volume on her iPod to end the discussion.

When Beca came back home she found a brand-new soundboard to connect to her computer – the one she’s been asking for and her dad always denied her – sitting on her desk.

It was the same way she got her headphones, she got into a fight with her dad about something concerning the divorce somehow, stormed out of the house and found them at her return. Robert knew it wasn’t the best way to deal with conflict, but he really didn’t know how to deal with a teenager in full rebellion mood, so expensive gifts were his go-to in these cases. It wasn’t enough for Beca, but she decided to take what she could from this situation. She didn’t like to deal with conflict either anyway.

The girl spent the whole night trying all the functions her new device offered while thinking about Chloe. She spent most nights thinking about Chloe recently. She thought about what it must be like being at the verge of the high school social ladder, having everyone’s eyes on you all the times – a kind of pressure Beca couldn’t be able to stand, for sure – how it felt to be respected, feared even, by the whole school and mostly how would it feel to be bossed around by Aubrey all the times.

Aubrey gave Beca chills. It wasn’t that Beca feared her – she didn’t fear anyone – but there was something about her that made her stomach clench, as if she was under examination. She knew Aubrey judged everybody from her high throne and Beca didn’t think enough of her to care about that, but what scared the brunette was that Aubrey’s stupid opinion could affect what Chloe thought of her.

By the time sun started creeping up from her window, she had decided that suffering through two weeks with Aubrey Posen was a small price to pay to get to know Chloe better. Her social anxiety will have to come to terms with that.

Beca threw herself on the bed, cursing her decision to staying up all night on a weekday. Her clock showed it was half past six and she briefly wondered if she could push it a little and try to gain a ‘you can skip school today’ too from the argument she and her father had, but she knew Professor Mitchell considered school the most important thing ever, even over the peaceful atmosphere he tried so hard to maintain in their home. She groaned and set her alarm to an hour later before falling asleep in her outside clothes.

Of course, she didn’t hear the alarm going off and now she was super late. As she fumed to gather all the things she needed for the day she jumped at the sight of Sheila’s head peeking from her not-closed-anymore bedroom door.

“You’re late" she stated with that irritating tone Beca really didn’t want to hear first thing in the morning.

“I know that, thanks” spat out the teenager.

“Let me drive you to school” offered the woman now fully standing in Beca’s room.

“Absolutely not" said Beca without looking at her, still busy looking for her maths' notes.

“You left a notebook in the kitchen the other day, maybe that’s what you’re looking for" told her Sheila before leaving the room.

After getting ready Beca went to the kitchen and found the notes. Sheila was sitting at the kitchen table, probably waiting for her. Beca groaned “okay let’s go" as if she was the one doing the woman a favour.

Beca was sure it was a trap, so she rushed to put her headphones on to avoid any unwanted discussion about her weird behaviour or whatever. Surprisingly Sheila didn’t try to talk to her at all and when she stopped in front of Beca’s school she even offered the girl a sweet smile “have a good day”.

“Yeah...” murmured Beca under her breath before leaving the car.

It was a shitty day, like if she was under a heavy cloud; she forgot to charge her phone, her head was killing her and Jesse didn’t shut up for one second all morning, not to mention math class – which was always a nightmare. Beca was about to commit murder when suddenly Chloe approached her at her locker.

“Hey" breathed out cheerfully the redhead and Beca found her breath catching in her lungs “I’ve heard you’re coming to Florida with us this year” she continued with her classic bright smile. Beca’s heart started racing and she was positive her face was red “I- yes, we- uh...” she rambled focusing, on nothing in particular, inside her locker. “I’m glad you’re coming" at that Beca forced herself to look at Chloe and try to mirror her smile.

“Hey babe" she heard Tom call from the other side of the hallway. Chloe turned towards him with heart eyes and accepted his kiss when he reached them. Beca felt nauseous watching that – she hated pda and cheesy happy couples.

When they parted Tom friendly nodded at Beca “hi, I’m Tom" “Beca" she said shaking the hand he offered her. Beca tried to smile at him, she really did, but all she could manage was a grimace. The girl was never so glad to hear Jesse’s “Beccaaawww" approaching her.

“Uhm, sorry, I have to go. It was nice meeting you Tom. Bye Chloe" se excused herself locking the metallic door and walking to Jesse. It was the first time she’d ever said Chloe’s name to her face and was still marvelling at the sensation it gave her, when Jesse started to throw a million words at her again, but she couldn’t focus on him at all. For some reason she kept replaying that stupid kiss in her brain over and over again.

“Earth to Beca?” called her Jesse snapping his fingers in front of her “what happened to you? You’ve been weird the whole day" he asked in a somewhat of a worried tone “I didn’t sleep" she told him “why not? You can talk to me you know” he assured her, but behind him Beca spot Amy in the distance shamelessly gesturing at her with her index finger entering a ring she was making with the other hand “gross...” whispered Beca glaring at her.

“What?” asked the guy confused “dude you need to leave me alone okay? You’re not my fucking boyfriend” she snapped making some students turn to look at them. Jesse was staring at her with a hurt expression and she regretted right away snapping at him – it was Amy’s fault not his.

“All right” he said raising his hands and turning no leave. Beca wanted to stop him, but she was too proud to apologise.

“Troubles in paradise?” asked Amy joining her “Amy fuck off!” “geez somebody woke up on the wrong side of life today" she exclaimed rolling her eyes and walking away, she knew it was best to leave Beca alone when she was like that.

#bechloe #high school au #beca mitchell #chloe beale

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parabellum-rpg-archive · 5 years ago

Photo

N A M E: Violet Costello A G E: Twenty-Nine O C C U P A T I O N: Assassin, Socialite L O Y A L T Y: Costello Crime Family

SOME RISE BY SIN, AND SOME BY VIRTUE FALL.

Violet Costello never expected to her life to be so intertwined with one of the most notorious crime organizations in Chicago. But that’s exactly where she ended up. Her father was a retired musician (he was insanely popular in the eighties... apparently), and her mother was a criminal defense lawyer. Her parents couldn’t have been more opposite from each other, but it somehow worked— and Violet was somewhere in the middle, personality wise. She inherited the carefree and artistic traits from her father, while also excelling academically, just like her mother. Violet was an only child— the perfect blend of both of her parents.

Having been born and raised in Chicago, Violet had always been aware of the ongoing feud between the Sinclairs and Costellos. Her mother was well respected in the community, and she’d always advised Violet to stay as far away from those people as possible. And she succeeded— for the first eighteen years of her life, anyway. Violet did as she was told. She stayed in school, got amazing grades, graduated the fourth in her class, all while participating in just about every extracurricular activity as possible. At eighteen, it was like a fire was lit inside of her. Looking back on it now, Violet swears she was living out some weird, pre-pre midlife crisis. She decided against going to college, and instead settled in to the working life in Chicago. First it was waitressing, but that got tiring pretty quick, and her schedule often interfered with all of the partying that she wanted to do.

At twenty, she would meet the man that changed her life forever.

Leon Costello was a regular at the shitty dive bar that she was working at. She knew all about him and his family, and while Violet had always walked the straight and narrow path, something about Leon brought out the devil in her.

He was the classic bad boy, with a quick temper. He did what he wanted, whenever he wanted, and Violet fell for him— hard.

A few months into dating, and Violet could afford to quit her job. Leon started paying for anything and everything that she wanted. One year later, and Violet was practically a part of the Costello family. She vacationed with them during the holidays and quickly made a name for herself in the press. She and Leon were the it couple of Chicago. They partied hard and loved each other even harder. Violet felt an unwavering amount of loyalty to the Costellos, and she never wanted to go back to living a regular life.

Violet was determined to prove her worth to the family. She knew what kind of illicit business they were running behind closed doors, and she wanted all the way in. Leon was one of the best assassins that the Costellos had, and Violet wanted to be just as good, if not better. Once Violet was fully operational as an assassin on the Costello payroll, the pair married as a means of celebrating.

Violet never expected her life to turn out the way it did. She never knew she’d be able to kill someone without even blinking. She especially didn’t expect to end things with Leon, six years into their marriage. The pair were fighting more and more frequently, and by the end of it all, both of their families were begging the pair to just call it quits. And so they did, with Violet swearing that she’d never look in his direction again.

She remained a close friend of the family’s, all while avoiding Leon at all costs. Despite having been separated for three years, the pair never signed the divorce papers. Their relationship became so toxic by the end of it, that they didn’t want to see each other again, fearing that sheer chaos would erupt.

Now, Violet is expected to attend the wedding ceremony of Luca and Paisley, which means she’ll surely run into Leon. Everything feels like it’s approaching a lot faster than expected, and while Violet has maintained a good relationship with the Costellos, she’s worried of what drama might happen whenever she finally sees Leon again. Even worse— she’s worried that she’ll remember how much she loved him in the beginning.

CONNECTIONS:

— Relationship Status: Married to Leon Costello (Separated)

FC: Zoe Kravitz

The role of VIOLET COSTELLO is currently TAKEN.

#rpg #lsrp #original rpg #crime rpg #roleplay

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dangerwatson · 6 years ago

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SO, MS. WATSON. YOU WANNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

It’s ya girl Lin back on my ‘ let’s cry about a beautiful woman together ’ bs. Here’s MJ ! It’s long, but that’s to have all her relevant information in one place should you ( or me more than likely ) need to hit it up for future reference. I’m excited to have her here ya’ll.

BASICS.

Given / Birth Name : Mary Jane Watson Nickname / Preferred Name : MJ, Red Alias(es) : N/A Birthdate / Age : June 19th 1991 / Twenty - Seven Place of Birth : Montoursville, Pennsylvania Current Location : Little Italy, NYC Gender Identity : Cis Female Sexual / Romantic Orientation : Disaster Bisexual Ethnicity / Race / Cultural Heritage: African - American && German Marital Status : Single Occupation : Field Reporter && Political commentator for Weekly Review Religious Beliefs : Agnostic. Raised Christian.

CHARACTERISTICS.

Height : 5′8″ Weight : 135 Body Type / Build : Entirely Average. Could stand to go to the gym, but honestly who has that kind of time. Don’t compare her to fruit she hates that. Eye Color : Green Hair Color / Texture : Auburn. Worn natural, 4b curls and all. Sometimes braided, sometimes weaved, sometimes in bantu knots or covered by headscarves. She’s very particular with her hair - touching it can and will lead to physical harm against the perpetrator if unwelcome. Recognizable Features / Scars : Big ol’ dimples and a slight cleft chin. Dusting of dark freckles across nose and chest. Speech Patterns / Accent : Has a deeper voice, boarding whisky worn. Because she’s moved around the majority of her childhood MJ has no discernible accent, giving her a modulated tone that’s perfect for clear annunciation across media platforms. Languages Spoken : English, French, ASL Powers / Skills / Abilities : No powers, however MJ has a nose for good stories, and tends to follow wherever they take her. Overall Health : Good.

RELATIONSHIPS.

Order of Birth : Youngest Number of Siblings : 1 Father’s Status + Relationship : Phillip Watson, alive. An abusive alcoholic, former High School English teacher. No relationship amends have been made. Mother’s Status + Relationship : Madeline Watson nee Rains, deceased. A starry eyed dreamer, former actress turned stay at home mother. Left Phillip after he struck Gayle, bounced both children through various family members. Passed away shortly after from congenital heart failure exacerbated by stress and lack of access to treatment. Sibling Status + Relationship : Gayle Watson, older sister by almost five years. Unlike MJ, continued to have a relationship with their father. Married her schoolyard sweetheart and had two children. He divorced her around the same time MJ graduated high school, leaving both sisters ( and her nephews ) living under Aunt Anne’s roof. They’re nearly estranged. When she visits her aunt and nephews, both sisters make a point of keeping their conversations short -- if they happen at all. Loyalty / Affiliation : Outwardly neutral, though subject to change behind closed doors.

PERSONALITY.

MBTI : ESFJ Hobbies : Dancing. Doesn’t matter where, when, why or how. Catch her pulling an n*sync routine in her living room at 4 PM on a Tuesday. MJ also has a knack for exploration. There are a lot of ( read : free ) things to do around the city and magically finds them all. Who cares if you have no interest in the Fungi Festival, there are booths everywhere for a quick way to kill an afternoon. Tried needlework one afternoon, didn’t stick and now there’s an abomination of mutant looking cats hanging above her bathroom door. Bad Habits : Smoking. Fixing / hyper - focusing on her hair when uncomfortable or stressed. Jumping head first into the dating scene only to find out it’s the shallow end. Providing 20 second long fart sounds whenever someone asks “how are you?” Taking care of others before taking care of herself. Three Positive Traits : The silent Mom Friend. Allow me to explain : MJ is traditionally that bitch^tm making sure you get home okay after hanging out, she ensures your soul is as well nourished as your body. For all of her outward party-girl aesthetics and a forced mean girl perception on her by others, she makes sure her friends are in good headspaces. That they feel encouraged to follow their ambitions and ultimately celebrate every success no matter the size. It’s the type of selflessness that she’d wanted for herself growing up, so I’ve labeled it as her BEST trait. She’s incredibly outgoing. An extrovert through and through, getting her battery charged by being around people. It’s what makes her an attractive personality. When in a battle of small talk, MJ not only listens and remembers those small shared details but she knows how to keep the conversation going without making it seem like a chore. I love how in tune she is like that, girl vibes hard with new and old friends alike. Finally, MJ would make a professional bargain hunter blush. She grew up poor and as a direct result is extremely careful about what she’s doing with money. And yes, being financially responsible during these trying times as a Millennial trying to earn that bread is pretty much a given good quality. We all wish it wasn’t, but here we are. Three Negative Traits : MJ is stubborn to a fault. When she digs her heels into something it’s hard to get her to stop until a desired outcome is achieved ( or undesired, event depending ). While this is usually reworded as a positive asset —- being so DRIVEN and MOTIVATED —– that’s simply not the case with her. She’s lived through all consequences resulting from this inability to budge and none of the supposed rewards. Been fired from more jobs than she’d care to admit for telling former bosses where to shove unrealistic worker expectations, or coworkers where they can file passive aggressive bullpucky. She’s also incredibly stunted emotionally. As mentioned, she’s a silent Mom Friend, but reciprocation of her actions isn’t met with as much of an openness as one might expect. MJ keeps her feelings to herself, and it usually builds up until she suffers a full scale breakdown triggered by something mundane like … dropping a fry or seeing a lady bug stepped on. Decompressing is a word in her vocabulary, for sure, but it was easier to partake in as a 20 year old than as a near 30 year old with responsibilities and bills to pay. Picky puts it in palatable terms, but MJ knows what she likes and how she likes it. When she doesn’t, then she’ll quickly find a preference. In the meantime we’ll say she’s very particular about what styles she likes to wear, how her make up is, how her hair looks, and over all what image she’s presenting to a general public. It’s a habit she hasn’t been able to shake. Moral Alignment : Neutral Good

ASSOCIATIONS.

One Song : Dead and Lovely - Tom Waits One Quote / Piece of Art : “Beware; for I am fearless, and therefore powerful.” One Fear : Following the Watson Women path of horrible no good very bad mistakes and poor life decisions. One Strength : Persistence One Object : Breathe Right Nasal Strips One Place : May’s kitchen One Food : Garlic One Scent : Cinnamon. One Lucky Charm : Old tattered friendship bracelet

-----------------------

Pretty typical “American Dream !” 50′s family dynamic. Everyone looking great in their Sunday best photos, father with a steady job, stay at home mom to save on daycare, two daughters and a stray cat named Sir Stinkybottom.

Father started facing emotional breaking points brought about by lack of what he considered satisfactory income and inbound midlife crisis. Turned to drinking, ( turned into a right train wreck. )

Mary-Jane, Gayle and Maddie hopped from various family member’s couches to crash for a couple of weeks at a time during the separation process from Phillip. This lasted a year.

Maddie passed away when MJ was around 10 and Gayle 15, Gayle instantly taking up the role of Mother Figure to MJ’s wild child foil. MJ maintains she doesn’t remember all that much about her mother while Gayle remembers everything and that becomes a point of contention.

Father returns into their life. It’s messy, he eats away at their still developing ego’s like the cancerous human blob he’s chosen to become. Their Aunt Anna, who they live with, intervenes when she can.

Gayle gets the fuck outta there by marrying her high school sweetheart, moving to the midwest and popping out two adorable munchkins named Kevin and Thommy.

MJ has the pleasure of dealing with their dad alone for the next five years. Which she does by a little thing called home avoidance. Garners the reputation quickly as a party girl at Midtown, someone ready to go anywhere and everywhere at any time.

Began solidly working around fifteen to help Anna out, sometimes in Diners, sometimes in retail. Her ability to sell her brand began early and honed with surgical precision during these years. All currently reflected across media platforms where she became a 2010 influencer ( and paid for little more than modeling ).

Started college at seventeen, typical move. Took 6 years for her to finish as she paid her way through without loans. The last thing MJ wanted when finally breaking out of Queens was a student dept choker. Graduated at 23 with a dual bachelors in journalism and political science.

Bounced between larger broadcasting industries for a few years as an underpaid intern before growing concerned by their lacking criteria. The burnout was real.

Tirelessly sought employment at her favorite ( but SMALL ) news agency. By luck of the draw she was screen tested and hired on for a slot as field reporter.

She’s been with Weekly Review since. Now having two years under her belt ( still extremely Green in her industry ), she’s pushing for higher scope investigative journalist pieces. And for once, they’re not telling her no.

#united task 001 #united intro #mentioned briefly :#tw alcoholism #tw parental abuse

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intothespideyverses · 6 years ago

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so I had a season 2b/3 predictions post in my drafts that’s been sitting there since the bar mitzvah episode but now that so many Things have happened I feel like I kinda need to redo it. funnily enough I predicted juffy (but it was one-sided), ham having a midlife crisis (although the midlife crisis was linked to ham having a health scare that caused him to try to ‘live every day like its his last’ and not ham being so Done with his family that he just leaves them for india) and the post also mentions tyrus and g*briel coming back (neither have been been confirmed yet but they’re very likely) so! here’s my New and Improved list of Season 3 Predictions/Ideas:

[Disclaimer: I doubt a lot of this will happen bc my mind automatically goes for the most melodramatic scenario. This is still disney channel and they’re too cowardly to go thru with like half of this tbh. also tw for minor abuse mention!]

The G*briel Plot

-g*be comes back and reminds bex of “””why she can never marry anyone””” just as bowie is about to bring up maybe getting back together again. the reason why they shot a wedding scene and the whole green screen thing is bc bex has a nightmare about marrying bowie but then everyone’s heads turn into gabe’s. the following is literally copy and pasted from the first post and tbh I don’t think things will happen this way anymore (I originally thought miranda wasn’t going to be a snake and that her and bowie would get married, leading bex to run back to g*briel so andi could have a father figure in her life again) but it’s still a p interesting plot I think so: g*be’s an abusive asshole. it’s still disney so I doubt they’d show that much but like…he’s very manipulative and he kisses bex really hard all the time in front of everyone and he’s super possessive, etc. he gives bex the silent treatment every time she hangs out with bowie and thus the whole “ask if they’re mad 3 times” thing and on the third time he always yells at her in front of andi. andi notices all of this and tells bowie but bowie thinks she’s just saying that to break bex/gabe up so she can get back with bowie. that is until he witnesses the tomfoolery himself when the couples are on a double date so bowie takes her aside and starts questioning her but bex lies and this whole ugly thing continues on for several episodes until bex and satan have one last fight that goes too far (he says something about andi probably) thats about to get physical and andi strolls in w/ a phone in her hand like 91 fucking 1 bitch. pack your bags ur going home rat! and he’s finally gone and andi tells bex that she doesn’t need another dad if it means bex puts herself thru that kinda torture. and they have another closure ceremony <3

The Divorce Plot

-ham decides to permanently travel the world. he probably comes back for an episode to get cece to sign them divorce papers. this starts a huge plotline that will probably get ignored after 2 episodes lbr here but we finally see cece SNAP bc the way she’s been behaving lately has definitely been leading up to that

-bex is going off the rails at this. she starts slacking at work and the business that caused the rift in her parents’ marriage in the first place is starting to fall apart. the light bill is going unpaid and bex is crumbling. she doesn’t want anyone to know so she makes andi stay at cece’s while she’s living in darkness. bowie visits one day and is like “tf happened to the lights” and bex has a breakdown. she tells him everything and bowie comforts her and offers to help (how? who the hell knows!). bex is so touched that she admits to having feelings for bowie still. bowie turns her down tho bc she’s in a rly emotional state and doesn’t want to take advantage of her.

-andi eventually finds out what’s been going on and tells cece. cece is the last person bex wanted to know about cloud ten struggling, as cloud ten was the only thing keeping cece sane. they eventually have a heart-to-heart and bex/andi encourage cece to get some closure from ham

The Wandi Plot/Death of Jandi

-wandi rises. they resolve to just be friends at the end of season 2 but after a lot of things that I’ll mention later, andi realizes walker was the one for her :’). they paint a mural alongside cloud ten and cece makes some offhand comment about them becoming a painting duo, which they LOVE. they go around the town offering to paint on the walls of local businesses and it’s rly cute. god can you imagine the montages?? andi is in puppy love however we have like 5 episodes of her despairing over if walker even LIKES her anymore after months of just being friends. the roles are reversed and she’s the one doing all these things to get his attention. bc he’s not an oblivious Fool like jonah, walker picks up on this relatively fast and wandi is official!!

-that leads us to what will come of jandi? they perish of course. andi starts getting jealous of jonah hanging out with all these high school girls and naturally there’s more and more miscommunication and jonah whines about her friendship with walker etc etc etc just break up already god. andi eventually realizes that she’s just not feeling it and she puts her foot down to bex that he’s just not right for her!! bc tbh at this point the only reason she still fw jonah is bc of bex’s constant encouragement

The Tyrus Plot

-tyrus happens obviously. if we ever actually get a real apology from tj (which I’m doubting at this point lol) this can happen smoothly. I kinda imagine tj trying to teach cyrus how to swim (swimming is definitely on cyrus’ list of things he can’t do) and the first time it happens tj is SO sure cyrus will be able to do it that he lets him go out on the deep end on his own and uh lmao ya boi almost drowns. buffy’s there and she saves him and she tells tj to stay away from cy bc hello he could’ve McDied and tj, crushed over the fact that cyrus could’ve met a watery grave, actually does what she says. cyrus tells buffy that it was his dumbass decision to go on the deep end tho, and tj didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do, so buffy relents. cyrus practices by himself and makes it his goal to learn how to swim in order to impress tj. he invites tj to the neighborhood pool one day as a surprise and he just like...cannonballs into the deep end (but he’s STILL not ready) and again almost fucking dies. tj saves him and he starts yelling at him a la titanic (”you’re SO stupid rose why’d ya do that huh???”) and then tj lets it slip that he would’ve mcfreaking lost it if something ever happened to cyrus bc “you mean a lot to me underdog” or w/e and during this whole rant cyrus realizes that he’s floating!! and he’s like yes bitch i did it im swimming! and tj’s so happy for him that he kisses him and cyrus almost drowns again from shock but it’s all good lol. maybe tj avoids him for a bit after the kiss bc cyrus’ reaction seemed like a rejection, but it wasn’t cyrus was honestly just shook to the core.

-cyrus lets tj know that he likes him too and they start dating. they definitely keep it a secret from the ghc for a while, probably until the midseason finale. maybe jonah finds out first and that’s how cyrus comes out to him and tells him that he used to have a crush on him too. jonah is flattered and cool w/ it. anyway at first tj doesn’t like going on rly public dates with cyrus, not bc he’s ashamed of him or anything, but bc he doesn’t want anyone to make fun of cyrus (he can take ugly remarks but he’d hulk out if anyone touched a hair on cyrus’ head). cyrus doesn’t care tho and the one time they go on a date, some kids from tj’s school (he’d be in high school by season 3 right?) start messing with them. tj does in fact hulk out but only when one of the demons says something about cyrus. cyrus hauls tj off the creep and they talk in private about not wanting to live in fear but also not wanting to get harassed everywhere they go. when cy tells andi, she tells them that maybe they’d be safer if they went on double dates with her and walker, and so that’s a thing and its cute

The Juffy Plot

-anyway by the season 3b, both wandi and tyrus are thriving. they all hang out a lot leaving buffy to feel like a fifth wheel. she hides it tho bc does she ever express her feelings? she soon finds out that jonah is feeling the same way, and he thinks andi and cyrus don’t rly want to hang out with him anymore. buffy starts inviting jonah to all their outings and anytime the two couples are on a double date or something, buffy and jonah decide to do something else together on their own. cyrus takes note of this and tries to push buffy to ask jonah out since they’re practically dating already but she refuses bc he’s still andi’s ex and that violates girl code or w/e.

-she goes to bex for advice! but she uses a hypothetical situation instead and changes names. bex, unaware that she’s telling buffy to go after her daughter’s ex, tells her to follow her heart but keep it a secret. meanwhile, jonah is slowly but surely realizing his feelings for buffy, and goes to bowie for advice. bc jonah’s a fool, he doesn’t know buffy has any feelings for him whatsoever, and he asks bowie how he can make her see him That Way. bowie, recycling ideas, tells him to perform a song for her but to do it as if he was just practicing and wanted to see if she thought it was a good song. jonah also doesn’t tell bowie that this is all for buffy lol.

-so jonah invites buffy to the record store to hang out while wandi and tyrus are doing wandi and tyrus things. he plays some song for her (chemistry perhaps?? i still haven’t heard it yet but if its as good as y’all say...) and buffy is all heart eyes!! until she assumes that he wrote that song for another girl. there’s more unnecessary tiptoeing and drama for an episode until jonah notices that there’s something Up with buffy (she started avoiding him) and demands to know what’s going on. she doesn’t feel like talking about fEeLiNgS so instead he challenges her to arm wrestle. if she wins, she has to fess up. buffy’s like “um?? so all I have to do is let you win” but jonah’s like “like you would ever do that lmao”. she almost lets him win but bc he starts taunting she slams his mf arm into the table!! she fesses up and jonah’s like :D bc duh bitch that song was for you this whole time. they keep it a secret bc of bex’s foolish advice but eventually cyrus finds out and tells them to tell andi. andi’s upset at first but she gets over it. the three couples live in harmony

The High School Plot

-we see more of the high school now that jonah (and tj?? unless he has to repeat a grade which is seeming likely actually) are there. jonah, who’s used to being the big man on campus, gets bullied for liking frisbee so much and is shamed into doing a “real sport” instead. he hates it and is miserable. he puts on a good face for the ghc bc he doesn’t want them to know he’s struggling. it eventually all comes crashing down when he has another panic attack (the first one in a while after starting therapy WHICH HE BETTER). also we get a look at his home life, I hc that he’s adopted and has a lot of foster siblings that have a lot of their own issues, so he constantly downplays his own bc he doesn’t want to be a “burden” and be abandoned again

-amber becomes a part of the crew and hopefully maybe just maybe is a lesbian. she starts hanging out with a bunch of sapphic baddies. she and jonah become friends and they help each other with their respective mental illnesses

-through jonah, buffy makes friends with the high school track lesbians <3 they adopt her. one of them tho is Evil and is jealous that some middle schooler is getting all of this attention from the captain so she tries to break buffy’s fucking leg akjhskjdhds I told y’all this was melodramatic

das it. disney you can send my paycheck to [redacted] within 10-12 business days.

#andi mack #disney PLS let me write ONE episode I keep asking and yet I receive nothing in return #tyrus #all i do is work and churn out plots for a tv show i never will be able to work on #long post

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mooneec · 6 years ago

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The Parentified Child: How It Contributes to a Depressed, Angry, and Resentful Adult

Were You a Parentified Child?

When you were a child, did your mom or dad turn to you for comfort and advice when they were struggling with problems at work, in their marriage, or with finances?

Did you share a special bond with that parent because you were their confidant and caretaker?

Did you forgo hanging out with friends, joining teams and clubs, and just being a kid because you were busy attending to your parent?

Do you now feel resentful because you missed out on a happy, carefree childhood?

If responding “yes” to these questions, you were a parentified child. As a result, you may be struggling in adulthood with sadness, anger, and depression. Don't give up hope, though, because recognizing the root of your problem gives you an opportunity to heal. You can find ways to make up for the joy you missed as a kid.

What Does It Mean to Be Parentified Child?

Parentification happens when a child switches roles with her mom, dad, or both, becoming the caretaker in the relationship. She may become this in an emotional way—listening to the parent's problems, giving them comfort, and offering advice. She may also do it in a physical way—cleaning the house, taking care of siblings, making meals, and even paying bills. Youngsters often become parentified when mom or dad is an alcoholic, a drug user, disabled, divorced, or mentally ill.

How I Became a Parentified Child at the Age of 12

My parents' marriage started to fall apart when I was 12. My mother suspected my father was having an affair with a woman at work. She and I would take hour-long walks every afternoon when she'd confide in me her worries, criticize my father, and even talk divorce. I'd listen intently, flattered she was trusting me with these grownup matters and offering what advice I could. Even though I was just a kid with little experience in relationships, she'd compliment my wisdom, saying I would make an excellent psychologist some day. Listening to her problems and giving counsel was how I got her attention and validation.

As a kid, I didn't think too much about this dynamic between my mother and me that lasted until I went off to college. I was just happy to spend time with her and be her confidant. It wasn't until I became a mother myself that I realized how horribly wrong it was to burden me with these adult issues, turning me against my father and making me cynical about marriage. I began to understand how she used me and robbed me of my childhood. I also learned that what she did wasn't that uncommon and actually has a name: parentification.

Parentification Can Cause Long-Term Problems Including Depression, Isolation, and Anger

Dads and moms who parentify a child often don't realize they're doing something incredibly harmful. My mother was going through a midlife crisis at the time she turned to me for comfort and support. She was unhappy in her job and feeling lonely because my dad was working long hours and traveling for business. When people at my dad's office began gossiping about an affair between him and a much younger subordinate, she was understandably embarrassed and upset. It tapped into her deepest insecurities as a woman and wife and caused her to think and act irrationally at times.

Instead of seeing a therapist or talking to a friend, she turned to me in her time of need. This proved to be a critical mistake, forever damaging the relationship between my father and me and leading to severe problems later in my life. After focusing on my mother's inner world for so many years, I felt unworthy of any attention being directed at me. I didn't know how to advocate for my own needs and desires. The consequences of being a parentified child finally caught up with me as an adult when I struggled with depression, isolation, and anger.

Bethany Webster deals specifically with mother-daughter relationships in "When Shame Feels Mothering: the Tragedy of Parentified Daughters." She writes, "A daughter is being exploited when her mother gives her adult roles, such as surrogate spouse, best friend or therapist...When a daughter is asked to be an emotional prop for her mother, she is unable to rely on her mother enough to get her own developmental needs met." As a result, the daughter can grow up to be an emotionally stunted adult with little self-confidence.

Depression

It's not unusual for a parentified child to become a depressed grownup. I struggled with extreme sadness most of my adult life, taking anti-depressants to numb the pain and going to therapy to get at the root of my heartache. My life transformed when an astute doctor gave me an aha moment, explaining that I had been parentified as a youngster and was suffering because of it. Until that moment, I had never heard of parentification. Having a name for what I experienced as a kid made me feel much better.

During the six years I acted as my mother's emotional caretaker, a tremendous burden was put on my shoulders even though I didn't realize it at the time. I dealt with adult issues that I didn't understand—marital infidelity, a midlife crisis, jealousy, insecurity, and rage. I worried my parents would divorce. I worried we'd have to sell our home and move away from the neighborhood I loved. I worried about our financial outlook and how we'd cope without our dad. I worried how my younger siblings would be affected. I worried about my mother's emotional stability and how I could make her feel better.

My decades-long battle with depression finally ended when I mourned the loss of the happy, carefree childhood I never knew. Kati Morton, a licensed marriage and family therapist, says the grieving process is key to healing. She says it includes acknowledging that what happened to us was not okay coupled with the motivation to move forward.

I started to nurture the little girl inside of me who didn't get the love and attention she craved. I began to enjoy some of the fun and frivolous activities I wanted to do as a kid but was never given the chance: going to a circus, roller-skating in the park, visiting Disneyland, and even having a sleepover with some of my friends.

Isolation

A parentified child can also grow up to be a lonely and isolated adult. During my teen years, I desperately needed a parent to give me advice and listen to my concerns about friends, dating, school, teachers, homework, my hair, and my makeup. My mother, though, couldn't see beyond her own problems to help me. My father, knowing that I was now my mother's confidant, largely avoided me even though we lived under the same roof. I spent too many hours alone in my room, feeling sad and scared. Instead of having the normal adventures of a teen—going to football games, hanging out with friends, and joining clubs and teams—I stayed close at home, feeling responsible for my mother's well-being.

Some therapists even consider parentification a form of child neglect. Because the youngster misses out on basic childhood experiences, her development is seriously impeded. This was certainly true in my case. I didn't get to enjoy the fun and frivolous activities that shape a teen's life. My role as my mother's confidant and emotional caretaker set me apart from my peers. Because we didn't have shared experiences in common, we didn't have much to say to one another. I had few friends and no social life.

Anger

According to Maggie Olivares, a social worker who's dealt with many parentified kids, anger is another byproduct that comes from missing out on a carefree childhood. When they become adults, they look back on all those years when they had too much responsibility and not enough fun and are resentful and bitter. They struggle to maintain a relationship with the mom or dad who parentified them and may even choose to end it.

To this day, I have tremendous anger toward my mother for using me that way. It turned out that my father was never having an affair and it was all in my mom's head, triggered by her deep insecurity. When my dad and her grew closer again after years of being distant, she unceremoniously dumped me. I was no longer needed as her confidant and ally. My relationship with my dad had been annihilated years before that, and I was left with nothing.

Fortunately, I've forgiven my mother and moved on with my life, but I still find it difficult to trust people. In the back of my mind, I'm worried about being used again. I often see friendships as depleting rather than energizing. While my mother has apologized for talking badly to me about my dad, she certainly hasn't owned up to how she turned me into a parentified child and caused disastrous effects in my life.

Final Thoughts

If you were parentified like I was, missing out on a carefree childhood, it's easy to spend your adult life feeling sad and resentful. In Bad Childhood, Good Life, the author encourages us to understand how our past affects our present but discourages us from making it our identity. Just because we were parentified as kids doesn't mean we have to wear the badge of perpetual victim. We can put our early years in perspective and move forward, knowing we're now in charge of our destinies. We can feel empowered and hopeful, building a happy and meaningful adult life even though we missed out on a lot during childhood. We deserve it.

#McKenna Meyers #parentified #parentified child #depression #anger #isolation #resentment

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topconfessions · 2 years ago

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Yeah I have to agree knowing everything now? Really just makes all the pieces fit. Even makes how well she's been able to avoid major consequences for the most part fit. After all who knows how many people she's slept with/has dirt on. It also feels similar to the Garam situation BH has going on right now

Also cause she was providing services and hung out with Top as just extra, it explains like you're saying the lack of real consequences and how everything was handled so oddly. It was like they couldn't do shit to her or be normally outraged cause he PAID for her company. Also explains why YG was pushing her and paid for her to go to the states to hide to protect TOP.

I am positive some idols especially the older male idols mess with escorts or girls people refer them to. Besides being brutally blunt here it's very out of character 200% for top to just get some random cute girl number at a coffee shop from her friend and use her as time killer fodder. I don't want to god mod him and say he can't live a normal life but like I always told you guys years ago in older confessions, with HSH and this scandal on the scene it totally ruined his image in a sense every single damn detail he ever gave us up until 2016-2018 about his ideal types and women he likes was a lie cause she fit none of it and none of the rumored girls do. Just the top we knew for years would never just randomly pluck a girl out of obscurity like that so nonchalantly especially when her face arguably isn't anything special compared to the women he works with 24/7 and to any HSH defenders I am not being mean or sexist or anything I'm cutting the bullshit and just keeping it 100. That would be like Beyonce suddenly divorcing Jay z and snatching up some 26 year old dude who constantly over exposes her and looks nothing like a guy she would date when we know shes a very private person who never wants to be exposed at all. It wouldn't add up unless its midlife crisis.

This really cleans up a lot of what we discussed cause I could only chalk it all up to mental illness and substance abuse also alcoholism for why he turned to her. They barely have a shred of decency or friendship between each other anyways. Her knowing Jonghyun sorta saved her ass for 5 minutes but he with all due respect gave me Michael Jackson vibes. Upstanding incredibly talented guy who is offered himself and is friends with anyone and probably doesn't the true extent of who is befriending.

Anyways yes that too. She probably messed around with other people in the industry and they couldn't directly rat on her cause it could lead to a full expose. The entire dating storyline the companies and media she'll out for TOP and HSH felt so forced and a big lie.

Welp

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firenationskydominion · 7 years ago

Text

Chapter 14: The Dawn of Ozai

Ozai was woken by his servants. They had prepared and heated the bath chamber and when he emerged refreshed and tidied up they clad him in his ceremonial robes. He was weary of his situation. The temptation was strong to fall back into old patterns and Mya wasn’t there by his side. The thought of her deserting him pained him and his loneliness crippled him even more. He had had little sleep and even the strongest tea did not help. He saw the rings under his eyes. He was 46, divorced with two nervewrecking teenage kids and becoming the Phoenix king had been his midlife crisis. He was over it now, or was he?

His scribe brought him the protocol of the day:

War meeting

AgniKai between two enemy senior officers

Finding Zuko

He sighed and stepped out to decide. His first decision was to move two Batallions towards Omashu. He would personally lead them, as Zuko was likely there and he was the heir to the fire throne. He needed to talk to his son - if he had survived the ordeal of being a statue.

The Agni Kai he witnessed was well fought and left the younger loser scarred on his back. Ozai prided himself that he who had fought hundreds of these fights and yet had no bad scars to show. He healed fast and he fought even faster.

He left the arena and boarded his war zeppeline and set course towards Omashu.

At dawn both battalions had reached Omashu and so had the Earth Kingdom army.

Ozai heard the voices of Aang and Klaus in his mind and Mya. He meditated to soften his heart. He sent a bird to Bumi with a note:

“Honorable King Bumi, I understand that you are holding my son and my generals. I kindly ask you to free them to avoid any conflict. Eternally grateful, yours Firelord Ozai”

A tad bit passive aggressive, but he was proud of himself.

Ozai was drinking Myas favourite tea, when a bird arrived.

“Esteemed Firelord Ozai! I, Bumi, King of Omashu, am tired of your aggressions - and of those of Earth King Kuei. Therefore I suggest we meet for tea in the neutral zone. I have decided to define Myas ship as said zone. Mya and her ship are in the skies over Omashu. Zuko and your generals are safe and well looked after. They will depart to the ship momentarily. In eternal admiration, King Bumi”

Ozai had mixed feelings. His people would go berserk if he agreed to peace under any terms. Yet Myas ship was present. Azula had planned to use them for the Fire Nation. Now the ship might be the leverage for peace. Under Firenation terms.

From the window of the Zeppeline he saw how a pod pod ascended to the sky. Shortly after he received a transmission from Mya: Zuko and the Generals were safe.

He penned an answer:

“Dearest King Bumi, thank you for freeing my son and my cabinet. As you may understand, any action from the Fire Nation needs to be carefully drafted. I will meet my advisors first on the Eternity. Please extend my greetings to Earth King Kuei and that I am always open for dialogue, but I must also represent the will of my people and the future of our nation and its industry. Yours faithfully, Firelord Ozai.”

Bumi scratched his head.

B: He writes such sweet words, but does he mean them?

Eternity had sent down a pod to get Ozai and he felt at home when he stepped out into the vast entrance hall of the Eternity. Mya came and embraced him:

M: You haven’t slept, my love...

O: My biggest worry was not my kingdom, but you leaving me, my love.

M: I always set duty first. I am here. Let us talk. We need a plan, now.

Mya led Ozai to a meeting room on the pod bay.

M: So what’s your take on peace negotiations?

O: Hundred years of aggression from our side will not be forgotten easily by the Earth Kingdom. We must find a way in which each side can save face.

M: Hm... there are not two sides anymore but three. The fact that we’re together complicates everything. Also Amons involvement with Azula.

O: I am ready to step down. This will be a strong sign. And your power will keep Earth Nation in check not to retaliate on Fire Nation once we have left Omashu.

When Ozai got up to leave I caressed his face.

M: I missed you, my love.

O: So did I.

M: When all this is over, we will be free.

We kissed. I longed for his touch, but there was no time.

We went to the big meeting room where all Generals kotaued before Ozai. Zuko looked at his father with disgust.

O: I haven’t come here to quarrel or to fight. Truth is, our treasury is depleted, we need to invest in research and the war costs us far more than it delivers. Zuko, I know you are angry that I have again taken the crown, but Aang reinstated me and gave me back my bending powers.

Everyone in the room gasped. Zuko went pale.

O: You want my crown Zuko. You’ll get it back soon enough and will have the rest of your life to sort things out and enjoy the pleasures and pains of being a Fire Lord. I was burnt, but I rose again. Now I can really call myself Phoenix King. Son, you have hurt me, but then I have also hurt you. Violence creates counter violence. Just as trauma creates war and war creates trauma. Let us break the cycle. For the sake of our children, grandchildren and generations to come. Fire nation has always been the first in using new technology. Joining up with Mya and Amon will enable us to look beyond Earth Nation. Let the earth benders play with mud while we take on the stars. My wife, Timelord Mya commands this ship and these ten thousand men. You might ask, why not use them to take over Earth Nation? What did we want from Earth Nation? Ore. Space has a million times more ore and this is what we will get.

Mya and I have set up trade deals between Fire Nation and the people of the planet Kepler 1765. They will give us ore in return for a team of firebenders to help them build railway tracks on a very volatile planet for four years. You Generals have sacrificed your livelong duty and even your sons and brothers for the siege and I will be eternally grateful to you. Fire Nation is big. Now it will be known on the planetary map. Mya will help us to transition into space age. Once the news is out that we exist the visitors will come. Most of them benevolent. But some of them hostile and technologically advanced. I will lead this transition of the Fire Nation to face these new threats. Until today fire meant destruction, but fire is also protection. Protection of this planet of ours. I order you to follow my command, but I kindly ask you to also unburden your hearts and follow my lead in this.”

The generals were doubtful, but then Amon entered the room. He was weak but he was shimmering again. He was followed by Eternity. Everyone gasped in awe as Eternity extended her arms and tiny rays of light reached out to touch the generals

A: Generals, I am Amon. And this is Eternity, my mother and one of the powerful beings of Kepler 1765. I speak to you as a General myself who has the authority to sign trade negotiations on our planets behalf. I have twenty megatons of best quality iron ore as a gift of welcome to you stored in this ship. And a fleet of engineers ready to build space ships with you. If you promise not to use the technology against the other people on this planet.

Amon accompanied the generals to the storage areas. They liked what they saw and promised Ozai their full support. Zuko was still angry, but he had to admit that his father surprised him. Ozai looked at him and smiled.

O: Zuko, remember for the future. No matter what you do think of your generals first. If they are happy, Fire Nation is happy.

We went for lunch. Word got around that Earth King Kuei had arrived. Both delegations ate separately.

After lunch we did tours of the ship. It was indispensible that both delegations were in awe of our technology.

Once we had finished the tour we went to the big meeting room.

Both delegations entered simultaneously. King Kuei had brought his bear. Ozai had to smile when he saw the bear and Kuei seemed irritated by it.

O: Earth King Kuei, I have heard so much about you and your bear, it is an honor to finally meet you. So you are no myth but a real man - and the bear is a real bear!

K: So are you. Not a demon or a monster, just a mere mortal man.

Once everyone was seated Bumi introduced both parties and participants. Earth Nation was represented by King Kuei, King Bumi and Toph Beifong and a delegation of Kueis Ministers of the Dai Li.

Aang, Amon and I were the third party impartials. I was supposed to lead the negociations.

M: Thank you all for being here under these circumstances. Please be seated. I have negociated a few peace treaties and we will start with some ground rules. Before we start let me stress that everything said in this meeting shall remain confidential. Any breach of secrecy will be seen as an act of aggression. No bending. Choose your words carefully, concisely and with the utmost sincerity. Everything said is binding, any breech is breech of trust.

At first I would like to kindly ask the Avatar to open this meeting by telling this round what he told me about Avatar Rokus advice.

Aa: I saw Avatar Roku in a vision when I was in the avatar state. He said that Ozai is the rightful Fire Lord.

M: Ozai has an announcement to make on this.

O: Yes. According to traditional thinking I would become Firelord again, or as I have risen from my own ashes as Phoenix king. Yet the times have changed. Mya here showed me that there are vast worlds outside our own and we as Fire Nation have decided to become an active part on this planetary map. We have decided to take up trade with a friendly system. Our interest in Earth Kingdom was an economic one which we wanted to exploit by war. This reason has now become futile.

So far our culture only allows succession in death which creates an atmosphere steering towards patricide which in turn creates totalitarism. It is time to change this. I am ready to step down as Fire Lord and invest my future in finding new trade partners and preparing FireNation to withstand any planetary threats. As my daughter will join me, I am ready to hand over my reign to my son Zuko.

Our proposal is a ceasefire. Fire Nation will retreat beyond Omashu river and Earth Nation will not retaliate. In case of retaliation Myas troops will intervene and enforce peace.

Zuko seemed distrustful. He didn’t believe in what he heard. Earth King Kuei weighed in.

EKK: My spies have told me that parts of your troops are preparing to retreat and that a new big building site is being excavated in the heartland of your country... how can I be sure that you are true to your word and are not building new weapons to annihilate us?

O: I see that you are a wise and cunning man. Your spies did good work. We are in deed building something gigantic: a space dock for Myas ship.

EKK: So you are building a space port...

O: If you say so. I expect more visitors to come soon and Fire Nation wants to be prepared. We don‘t know yet how friendly they will be. Our focus is now the sky and foreign aggressors. If we ever have such an incident, we will need every ally that we get. Be assured that Fire Nation will always put the interests of this world first.

EKK: Great words...but how true do they ring in my ears, Bosco?

The bear roared and lay down to sleep.

The talks went on for hours until Earth Kingdom finally gave in and agreed to work on a peace treaty. The following days and nights both delegations worked feverishly to get a draft of the peace treaty worked out. Ozai was leading the negociations on the Fire side. The Earth King had appointed his General of the Dai Li to deal with the details and had left to teach his bear new tricks.

I did not see much of Ozai in these days. His entourage kept him secluded and I was leading the negociations and had to be impartial. He didn’t even visit me at night and I missed him. A great emptiness filled my heart, a void expanding like a soap bubble. Had politics just laid all my love and hopes to rest? Finally on the fourth day the treaty was ready to sign, but the Earth King was nowhere to be found. It took another two days until he was brought forward by the Dai Li and able to sign the document.

Both parties, as well as the avatar and Mya received a copy. There were no peace celebrations, but just quiet goodbyes. Firelord Ozai, his son and his generals joined Mya in one of the larger transport pods to take them back to Fire Nation. There was no chance to be alone with Ozai. Not even at night. Mya sought Ozais presence but he was elusive or shielded off by his cabinet.

Mya was woken by Elua. “It’s morning, Firelady Mya!” Elua and a few maids dressed her in traditional Fire Nation clothing as it was the day of Zukos formal coronation and Ozais formal abdiction as Fire Lord.

Mya descended the steps to the main street and climbed into the palanquin. The four carriers held it up and started walking. Mya hated this way of transportation, she would have preferred walking or riding a bike even...

I arrived at the palace and was escorted to the terrace overlooking the square. On the other side Ozai approached guided and guarded by his cabinet and followed by Zuko. I hadn’t seen him for days now. He looked at me with an expressionless face. I was chilled to my bones.

The square was full of people, thousands chanting Ozais name. Gruesome but popular among his folk. I felt like running away but there was no way out. They pushed me forward, I was to walk by Ozais side, when he would announce our alliance and betrothal (betrayal?). We walked forward side by side and stopped at the edge of the terrace. He did not even look at me. When we stood up front he closed his eyes to concentrate and bid his gods for favours. I held his hand. He looked at me with a puzzled face.

O: So are you talking to me again?

M: I never stopped. I missed you so much, my love. Why did you push me away? I even wrote you notes, without getting any replies.

O: I didn’t get them. They told me that you had other business to attend to and that you were upset with me and would leave me. That you outright refused to talk to me.

I tried to look calm while I pressed out:

M: Who told you such nonsense. I have tried since days to get to you, I waited every day and night and they found a thousand ways to hide you.

O: We are here together. But we are in danger. They must know we are talking.

M: Shall I send in troops?

O: No, wait up. Why would they jeopardize our relationship?

M: They want you to remain Firelord.

O: So they’ll kill you.

M: If they kill me Eternity will blow Fire Nation to bits.

O: Then they’ll kill Zuko. I have a new wife, new progeny. How sick are these people.

M: We need to warn Zuko.

O: But what if Zuko is trying to get rid of me after my speech?

M: We need a plan, fast. Let me use our SIMs to create a fall-back plan. They will not attack us while we are out in plain sight. We need to exchange with our SIMS in this hallway. Is there a way out from this hallway?

O: No idea. Let’s have a look.

The crowd outside was getting nervous and the generals in the palace were also getting anxious. I summoned Eternity to have a pod ready to pick us up immediately after the speech and another one as fallback. Ozai found a tiny door in the wall. It had an iron lock. Ozai wanted to use firebending, but I took out a tiny laser gun and cracked it out of its socket. The stairs went down to the courtyard.

O: This is near the entry of one if my secret passageways.

We went up again und we embraced and kissed.

Ozai stepped forward out of the passageway and he looked carefully at the crowd, the rooftops and the soldiers. He started his speech around the cornerstones of honor, great Fire Nation, greater legacy of the Phoenix king, space, ore, gold... Then about the Phoenix Kingdom of Fire and Sky (which was the Eternity). His people seemed all taken in by this speech. Then he mentioned handing over the Fire Throne to his son. The crowd went silent. He once again emphasized the greatness of Fire Nation and the beginning of a new era. A shadow was cast over the square and a fine vibration went through everyone. Eternity flew in and stood still in the sky above us. The crowd was in awe. I meditated and Eternity took hold of me. I felt her seeing through me. I approached Ozai and I spoke for her, assuring Fire Nation of our friendly intent. The people were fascinated and terrified at once.

Now Zuko approached and the Fire Sages crowned him officially as the Firelord. The crowd cheered.

Ozai smiled at his son and wished him all the best. I gave orders to the Eternity to start fireworks.

The terrace started to fill with Fire Nation noblemen. Everyone was staring up. It was clear that any assassination attempt would be imminent. The Fire sages and Zuko were surrounded by wellwishers. Ozai and I retreated to the hallway. Amon was targeting any suspicious movements in the crowd from the ship. Once we reached the hallway Eternity produced our SIMs which went out to socialize again.

Ozai and I took the tiny door in the passage and ended up in the stables of the Comodorhinos.

O: I have private secret tunnels we can use. Our SIMs will give us a headstart.

M: Not in our clothing. We reek of expensive oil and everything on you screams Firelord! Your hair, beard, smell, dress, even the way you talk.

O: So what do you suggest?

M: Take off your clothes.

O: This is not the right moment...

M: At least your undergarments look like normal clothing of the smallfolk.

O: These are hundreds of years old ceremonial robes.

M: Hide them if you must under these loose floorboards then.

Very soon we stood there in our cotton and linen undergarments. Our hair was unkempt and bound back and we looked like peasants. We rubbed ourselves with earth and hay and jumped around in the comodo rhino manure. Now we even smelled like peasants. There was a cart full of cabbages. We emptied the cart and took it with us as a prop. When we went out to the courtyard nobody noticed us. But there was a lot of commotion in the crowd. There had been an assasination attempt on Ozai and Mya and they had been evacuated by the pod. Archers had hit them with poisoned arrows.

Ozai was white with rage and I had to remind him to stay under cover. We left the palace courtyard and reached the outer wall where the entrance to Ozais secret tunnel was. The key was hidden behind a loose brick. Ozai opened the door and we entered a narrow stairwell down which led to a very narrow tunnel. We walked for about an hour when we came out on a hill outside the city. I summoned a pod which approached in stealth mode. A ladder appeared and we climbed aboard.

#Fire Lord Ozai #Azula #Fire Lord Zuko #ATLA #Fanfic #Aaang #Aang #the legend of aang #the last airbender #airbender #the king of omashu

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peacefulwriter88 · 7 years ago

Text

Space In Between - Part 5

Warnings: Language. None yet. Things will start cooking soon

A/N: I promise things will get to move and shake soon. Until then, slow burn. Also hoping to post more this weekend.

Tag List: @that-theater-techie-from-kc @sleepretreat @lancetucker @xxhuffelpuff-girlxx

“I’m conflicted.”

Alex’s voice carries in his living room, a beer nestled between his hands and Chris rolls his eyes, knowing where it’s headed. Alex had been distant ever since they had left the game, keeping a watchful eye on Chris throughout the rest of their time together. The weekend was supposed to be a fun, simple relaxing guys weekend. No talk of babies, or wives or work or anything. Mark had flown in the night before, as he was scheduled to present to Chris’ class that Monday. They were going to go to the game, had now changed to head out to check out a comedy show. Tomorrow they were going to hit up a bar to watch a days’ worth of football together. Fun, simple and relaxing.

Until Rick had fucked everything up.

Alex had seen him with Y/N. Had started to piece things together. Had been in a weird, grumpy mood as his eyes flicked back to where you stood, cheering and drinking beers and earnestly trying to avoid looking down at him and Chris.

Fuck.

He was going to kill Rick. He was going to find the best way to get back at him.

Mark looks up from his phone and asks,

“About what?”

“Yea dude,” Rick chimes in, taking another long sip of his beer. “That’s ambiguous as fuck.”

Alex eyes flicker over to Chris, taking a long steady sip before sitting back in his seat. The other two men haven’t noticed but Chris is torn between wanting to punch Alex in the face and fall deeper into this seat. He wasn’t sober enough for this. Not right now.

“On how to deal with the elephant in the room.” His eyes flash to Chris again.

“What?” He finally voices. He was over this tennis match. If Alex wanted to clear the air and clarify what he was suspecting in his mind, then fuck it.

He was tired of having the internal battle with himself anyways.

“You know what?” Alex challenges back and Chris rolls his eyes,

“I do but it’s not a problem for me.”

“It’s not a pr – Chris do you even hear yourself?” he slams his beer down on table in front of him, throwing his hands in the air “Did your divorce also steal your common sense? Do you know how much trouble you could get not only yourself in but her? And if it was anyone else, maybe I wouldn’t give two shits of you throwing your life away. Falling down this rabbit hole of a mess while you figure out your early midlife crisis. But you’re also trying to drag someone who literally has a bright future ahead of her. That kind of selfishness I can’t tolerate.”

His outburst has grabbed the attention of Rick and Mark, who are watching in mild curiosity and confusion.

“What the hell is going on here?” Mark asks, an aside more to Rick than the room but Alex catches it.

“Oh, you were there Rick. Hell – I’m sure you encouraged it because Chris didn’t clarify that Y/N is one of his students. In the course he’s filling in for!”

Rick spits out his beer as Mark puts down his phone. Now he had all their attention.

“Wait she’s a what?! No way…she’s gotta be another professor….or….” Rick trails off as Chris falls back in his chair, throwing an arm over his face.

Mark pitches in meekly,

“I mean, to be fair, she doesn’t look like an under grad student….”

“She’s not!” Chris cuts him off. “She’s a graduate student.”

“Doesn’t matter. She’s one of your students. You’ve been crushing on one of your students. You’ve been flirting and taking one of your students, graduate or not, on coffee dates. Trying to pursue something more.” Alex counters and Rick chuckles, his drunken state causing the words to fumble out of his mouth,

“Hey, admits why she was teasing you. I mean, it was written all over your face the minute she walked by, swaying her hips the only way you can, your face all slack jaw and in awe but I gotta give that girl some cred. She may be totally into you but she damn well knows how to play you like a fiddle. I like her. She’d be good for you. Hell better than Beth. She gets your sense of humor and your over obsession about space.”

“Ahhhhhh, get off of it.” Chris mumbles, deciding he just wanted to fall deeper in the sofa. Deep and far away from the three idiots he called his friends.

“Is this the same girl that you’ve been pestering me about with all those questions? The question, mind you, where we both stay up all night trying to find some answers to give because – and I quote – you wanted to make an impression on her?” he takes a swig as Chris’ face turns a tomato red. “Makes total sense. You always did have a thing for cute, intelligent women.”

“Lay. Off. Of. It.”

Rick and Mark are laughing in their tipsy state but Alex is less than amused. He stands up, his voice boisterous as he points a finger at Chris.

“Chris – I love you. Love you like a brother man. But you have to figure this out. I get it – you’re ready to move on. Ready to start a life with someone new. Date and all that shit. BUT YOU CAN’T DO IT WITH YOUR STUDENTS! Let alone her. She’s one of NASA’s finalist.”

“No shit?” Rick and Mark say at the same time and Chris moves his hands from his face, looking at Alex with serious eyes.

“Yea. Got the call in on Friday. She doesn’t know that and won’t know that until the spring but she doesn’t need grad school. Hell, NASA is willing to compensate her for all the loans she’s taking out for it. She’s naturally gifted. Kinda like you, Beck. She’s brilliant and I’ll be damned if you scathe her because you can’t keep your dick in your pants and get it wet by someone else. So heed my warning. Leave. Her. The. Fuck. Alone.”

There’s silence. Alex was a contained man. Never got too riled up about anything. Happy, sad, melancholy, mellow – his dial typically ran neutral for most emotions. But this had him upset and it had Chris conflicted.

Sober Chris could easily rationalize and move on. Alex was right. He didn’t’ know what the fuck was wrong with him. Oh wait – yea he did. Rick had hit it on the head. The fact of the matter was, like a kid out of high school, he had only given in to going to the game because he wanted to run into you. Wanted to see what you were like outside of the classroom. Couldn’t help but drink in your body when you walked down the stairs in those jeans – damn tight jeans that should be illegal for you to wear outside the house. Couldn’t help but take in the way they hugged over every inch of your lower half as you swayed down the stairs, your hair thrown up in a loose ponytail as you laughed alongside Mara. Liked the way the shirt teased your lower abdomen and all he could imagine was what it would taste like to kiss over your soft skin as he grabbed your breast.

He was infatuated by you. It was your goddamn brain. The way you challenged him. Teased him when he got really excited about something, fumbling over sentences to make a point. The way you laughed at him naturally, hung on every word he said. And yet, there was a sassiness to you – some domineering part of you that let him know you always were in charge in life.

He wanted you. So badly. That was the problem. Wanted you more in all the ways he couldn’t. Because Alex was right. If NASA was looking at you, was looking to hire you before you finished school, this kinda thing could ruin it for you. He knew the rules. It was very clear. Normally wouldn’t challenge them.

He just liked you. Plain and simple. Enjoyed the way he felt when you were around. The way you challenged him to be someteing more. How you were the first person since the divorce who had pulled out a genuine smile from him. Could make him feel like himself – like the man he was before he had realized that him and Beth had rushed into things.

Felt like perhaps he could be doing the same with you and yet he was terrified in all the ways he as mystified. Terrified because he knew with oyu it was different. Hadn’t felt this way with Beth

Mark’s subtle chuckle breaks him of his thoughts as he says,

“Listen Chris I get it. I understand where you can see no harm in the flirting. You aren’t technically a professor here but you are faculty and you gotta play by their rules. You could let her know that you can try to pick this up once she’s graduated or you’re done teaching. Simple as that.”

Alex nods.

“Agreed. You have to. And if you can’t do it for you, then think about her. She’s about to be a part of something huge, like we were, and it would be a damned shame if you tarnish her reputation just for your own goddamn selfish reasons.”

Chris is leaning forward, his hair in his hands as Rick sits next to him, pushing him slightly.

“I get it man, Y/N is great. But maybe you get your groove back with someone else. There were so many ladies checking you out today. Gotta be easy on this campus.”

He knows all of this, knows it as he begrudgingly agrees and they head out. Knows it as he stews in his head for the rest of the weekend, non-chalantly contributing to the conversation.

Thing was, he didn’t want to try it with anyone else.

He only wanted you.

#chris beck #chris beck x reader #Sebastian Stan

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