#also pretty painless which im surprised bc a lot of people were telling me how bad it was gonna be

[anurarana]

ITS REALLY FUCKING CUTE

[cw: close up image of a freshly pierced ear]

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 7 - “I wonder why you're not liked” - Nicole (& Ben)

Glad I sat out on that one - really didn't know anything Survivor related. Darcy's score of 12 is a huge shame, but gives me incentive to vote him out. He tried, he flopped, that's how it is. If it's me going this round, GGWP. 

Oh yeah! So, Nicole returned to the game.... Grrreat. It was probably the worst outcome I could have, but honestly, I don't want to dwell on it too long. With Nicole and Jacob both back in the game and Juls out of it, my fate looks worse and worse each day, as my list of allies continues to shorten and my list of enemies only gets longer. I feel very scared for the future, and rather trapped as of now, trapped between millions of possibilities, none of which have me doing very well. But hey, hasn't that been how it's been since Day 1 of this game? I started things off on Sonkei, a tribe so quiet I couldn't tell if I was running the show or on the bottom of everything until like 3 tribal councils in. A tribe where every new enemy I made would come back from the arena with a vengeance, and things only got harder. A tribe where I consistently lost challenges despite putting in my all. Then I got to nuMIraitowa, and my time here has been incredibly hectic. A bumpy road, to say the least. It's been a journey of gaining friends and then losing them, knowing people are lying but not knowing why, and just struggling to find the tiniest crack so I can get off the fucking bottom and just... SURVIVE. It's really been tough out here, and you can see the game starting to wear me down. My insanity is starting to come through in the main chats and honestly I've just lost all patience and tolerance that I had at the beginning of the game, the real me is beginning to show through. The one who lashes out, and desperately tugs at every heartstring possible, and says exactly what he's thinking without giving a fuck who's listening or the repercussions it might have down the line. Who makes everything public. I KNOW that these things are not typically good for my game, and yet, I just find myself so inclined to do them. Even though they've never helped me win anything, I can't help but be true to myself. I don't know, I guess I just feel frustrated. I'm at a place in ORGs where I feel so helpless, like I'm the victim of my own personality. I know exactly what's holding me back but I can't seem to just get past it. I guess I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll play exactly true to myself, 100% me, and people will like that person enough to want to work with him or be happy to reward him a win. But it hasn't happened yet and I don't know if it can happen here anymore. I'm really struggling to push through. But, if there's one thing I'll never do, it's give up. Even when everything feels like it's caving in and I'm ready to just collapse, like I was saying earlier - no matter how much I want to do something, the real me ALWAYS fights back and does what it wants anyway. And the real me can't give up. Deep down in my core I always fight back, I always stand up for myself, sometimes even when I'm wrong. I just can't stand letting things go, and I know it's a character flaw, but hell, it's also a strength, and it's something I'm proud of, in a weird way. I don't want to be the player who gives in, never reveals anything, or plays it safe. I want to play it my way because if I don't, then how can I enjoy a win? How can I be proud of myself for winning if it wasn't ME that won? I have to win it my way, and sure, right now it looks difficult. VERY difficult. Maybe even impossible. But I'm approaching on the Final 16, and maybe, just maybe, a swap is on the horizon. Maybe new things are coming and maybe this entire game is about to reinvent itself for me. I've got allies in Jordan, Eve, Pete... potential allies in Caeleb, Ben, Sammy, Kevin... Maybe I could fix things with Emma. Honestly, who knows what's ahead. I'm very scared, partly, if that wasn't obvious by this big emotional confessional. But I'm also kind of exhilarated, this is exactly what Survivor is supposed to be and I can't wait for the next stage of the game. These are the Olympics, so it's go big or go home. Let's do this.

Hello again, this is Darcy here reporting with more confessing.  So, for starters, I still have yet to find something at the Olympic Village, which is really nothing new at this point of the game.   Now for the fun parts, my tribe lost Immunity, which not really surprising, since that kind of challenge I felt whoever had gold medal won that challenge.   So, we get to enjoy another tribal, where I am hoping for it to be Ben, since Ben is the one I trust the least, due to hearing about Ben wanting to come for me last round if I lost immunity, assuming that was a true tidbit anyways.   I have a feeling this vote could be between Ben and I, but here's to hoping Ben targets someone else and not me woo!   I do have enough trust in my alliance with Beck, Tommy and Karen though that us four should hopefully stick together to just take out the common enemy in Ben.   Then Ben may come back again with a gold medal, but if he does, I mean good for him.

I'm back, babes! Okay, so regarding my last confessional...I guess maybe I went a little too hard on some people. But, I was angry and validly so. Nothing much has changed even though I'm really good at faking forgiveness. About twenty minutes after I dropped in the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR PRESSURE COOKER, Sammy messages me asking to call!

I'm back babes! So as soon as I got back after the FOUR AND A HALF HOUR ENDURANCE, people were all of the sudden really happy to see me -- which was a LOT different than 24 hours prior! I talked to my best ally Kevin first, of course! I really hope at the end of the game Kevin's confessionals aren't like "oh geez and then I had to talk to Nicole, she's so annoying" bc I will be crushed, as a person he is just so nice and I'm so happy we have been given the opportunity to become friends from this game! So I talk to Kevin, then Caeleb and then...whatta know! Sammy! Right to the rescue, he wants to call after 1) voting me out 2) revoting me out. Now, long story short I made significant peace with Sammy through the phone call BUT something did happen that really did not sit well with me. While we were calling he said he DIDN'T want to apologize because we both did things wrong. Hm. Well, Sammy! Okay! I would have had more respect and less wariness of him moving forward if he did apologize but, he didn't. He kind of said like "ok so i know i lied about the advantages I had in this game and gave you nothing to trust me off of, got mad when you didn't trust me, then decided I was going to vote with Eve to get rid of you, revoted to seal your fate and called you out on a tribal call like 'if anyone wants to apologize now would be the time', but i don't think I NEED to apologize because, we were equally wrong.' Someone please explain to ME how exactly it is that we would be equally wrong when everything I did was to protect myself, and everything he did was because he had other people he could trust over me. Now that Juls is gone and he kind of showed his ass, he's now saying hey haha let's work together again though! I haven't decided if I want to do that, AND now I have a lot more options because people saw how kick ass I could be :) Speaking of the comp, it kind of grinds my gears that coming back in the last few messages before I entered again were Emma and Landen actively rooting against me. Landen, I understand. Emma...who even are you? Why do you hate me? lmao. Okay I may still be a little bit mad. Ben also as I'm typing this messaged me "I wonder why you're not liked", which is like hurtful but accurate. Anyway....I'm making at LEAST f15 now (bc my gold medal) so that's very fun, A+ content. I think we are swapping after this THANK GOD bc I have to get AWAY from this tribe. I hope I get to stay with either Jacob or Kevin, and maybe even get swapped with Jordan Pines or Karen so I can feel some semblance of security. I'll make a confessional about it next round bc :) im back :) hehe

anyway so this ugly ass tribe lost again. The only good thing to happen over the last few days is that nicole is back ugh I wasn’t ready to lose on of my allies skdjfkdjfj anyway so juls is gone and it’s down to me tommy Darcy beck caeleb and Ben, 4/6 of us are in an alliance and then there’s cae and Ben sjdjjddnjd obvs Ben is the choice to vote but also like bc it’s so obvious I’m scared that he’ll know and play an idol /: scares me bc I’m not 100% sure who he’d vote and he’s shown that he’s willing to vote for me at any moment so I’m just debating whether I should throw a vote at caeleb just in case to tie it or if I should let one of my alliance members potentially get voted out. Best case scenario if Ben plays an idol is that he votes for beck bc I don’t trust that hoe at all wkendkdndndn but yeah I haven’t had time to really talk to Ben so it’s prob too late to probe into his plans. Ugh I hope this tribal is quick & painless /: 

hello. confessional #472. i've survived another round so that's fun! i feel rly solid about the bonds i have with people right now so i know a tribe swap is incoming but that's for the best bc i'd rather not vote out anyone on yushu rn… so we'll see! 

Really mad I got voted out, feeling pretty betrayed by my tribe rn. 

I wish em didn't have to get voted out, but I'm pretty confident she'll fight tooth and nail to get back into the running..

Tribal just happened and we voted out Ben again in a unanimous vote. It was an easy vote I think either we are swapping into 3 tribes of 5 at Final 15 or 16, but if it's Final 16 the Gold Medal winner will be exiled. If we don't swap I think Ben will win the Gold and Beck the silver medal so we have a good chance of winning immunity incase there's another round before we swap. I'm really just trying to maintain get close to Caeleb because he's probably still skeptical about the whole Juls vote which I'm happy she's out because she's a threat but on the other hand she was so sweet it was sad she had to leave early. At this point I'm trying to maintain good relationships going into a swap and hope I get a good tribe that's strong and will leave me in the majority going into the merge. Also, at this point once Emma or Ben is officially voted out we'll be down to 9 returnees and 7 newbies so I really don't care if some of these returnees start hitting the road and going home. It's gonna come down to who wants to take me to the end and that's who I'm with. 

It's the end of the round, you know what that means? LAST MINUTE JORDAN PINES CONFESSIONAL TIME! It's america's favourite game show where Jordan Pines quickly makes a confessional at the last possible moment to not recieve a strike and tries to make his thoughts sound coherent. Let's Play! Whew this round was awful compared to every round so far in every aspect. First we get a challenge and I'm like... Oh Shit we can win this! and I work my ass of coordinating, doing most of the work for the tribe getting list ready in shit. And guess what it worked, we had the best scores over all and it wasn't very close... until you remember that each member of a tribe getting 20% on a challenge like this is basically a guaranteed win unless you are absolutely garbage. So we lose! Here we are and I have 4 people on my tribe including and I want to go far with all 3. Like I was at a loss. Not to mention the fact that I was having the day from hell where I could only be on for a minute like for the whole day. It ends up being emma and that fucking sucks cause emma is an icon. She has now won the duel and thank god I had some common sense not to blindside her and give her a heads up so that I can repair the relationship. Let's see how she feels about me tonight, but like I stand by it that I quote it here, in an ideal world i would go as close to the end with emma, shes iconic and i trust her a lot. I hope I havent damaged this relationship too badly! LET ME SWAP ALREADY!

I am tired of losing!! we’ve been attending tribal nonstop and it sucks. All these people are amazing. The vote was between Sarah and Em, Jordan was quite busy and didn’t care who left so it came down to my decision unfortunately. I decided em should go because I just don’t have a relation with her like I do with Jordan and Sarah. Luckily she won and is still in the game and got us gold <3 Jordan’s gonna try and do damage control with Em to keep her on our side. We’ve got a few advantages rn  and have been leading these tribals so I hope we stay in a good position. 

[survivorgalaxysedge]

Episode 5 | Forgive Me Cowtown For I Have Sinned - Ari

ohhhhh i found something JUICY tonight!!! so yesterday the hosts got tired of me constantly asking how many fuel i have and gave me the command to view it, and i knew i was outta points so i was like ok cool we'll check it out tomorrow. TURNS OUT the scorekeeper bot shows you not just your personal points.... but the points of everyone in the game.... and WHOM is number two on that list with 36 entire points? that's right. my best friend keegan. my first thought was wtf ew how did he already recover from my sabotage, i feel zero percent guilty about doing that now! and then my second thought was WAIT...... this is PERFECT. so you can bet i ran right to all three of my allies to be like "hey omg i found something shady :0 didn't keegan say all his fuel got blown up the other day? well i pulled some receipts and it turns out he still has all of it! why would he lie about that??? so sus!" and now i'm laughing because there could not be a more perfect excuse to get him gone!!! i'm not gonna push it any more than that right now - for all i know, we'll prob win the next challenge again - but i've tucked the ammo away in my pocket, planted the ari seed in jonathan and zoe's heads, and i'll let it sit pretty there until i need it. also, i ended up telling ali what i did to keegan simply because he is 100% not going against me and i needed someone to tell me i'm funny, so i also let him know about this plan o mine and that we could use this against sir keegan, which he's so down for. god. i cannot wait to tell mj about all this shit.

Jacob being voted out of NuTrian is the second best thing that could have happened. Preferably Nathan but my OG Andro and Jessie are safe so that’s very good. Now we’ve got a Guess Who challenge which is okay. I don’t care if we get first or second, I just really really don’t want to get last. Let’s keep the good vibes going and be safe for a fifth straight tribal council. Ali told me he scored 11 points, I scored 10. I hope Zoe can whip out her survivor magic with a score of 8 or 9. And then hopefully Jonathan can pull out a good score as well. Nathan and Zach have both scored 12 on this challenge before, so I can only hope they keep up with that and score high again. Gotta make sure those other tribes flop. I’m still incredibly uncertain about how to play this steal a player advantage. It’s possible we ride this 3 tribe split all the way to merge. My guess is merge at 11 or 10. That would be quite a few tribals to go without another swap but it’s certainly possible. Though I could absolutely see a swap now at 12. Two tribes of six, and then merge at 10. A final 3 with 7 jurors perhaps? Either way, I think I’ll hold on to this advantage until it seems likely that I’ll need it. No sense in causing some chaos if it isn’t necessary.

ok so i'm doing well in challenges rn, as best as i can at least, and i feel like that's the only thing keeping me alive bc.... nobody talks to me. i feel like i'm starting every one on one conversation and desperately trying to keep it alive and not be left on read. idk if they're like this with each other or if its just me but !!!!!! it doesnt make me feel good abt potentially losing a challenge. so i will just keep carrying my weight and keeping my cute little head down and pray im just being paranoid<3

WELL We lost the immunity challenge which is the first loss after four straight immunity wins. That was a nice little break while it lasted. The obvious choice right off the bat is to vote for Ali. Keeps the OG Andro tribe fully intact, and avoids the most possible drama. However, I worry he might have found the Circi idol from his original tribe. Plus whatever advantage he may have gotten from the first challenge of the season. So the alternate thought is to maybe vote for Jonathan or Zoe. I adore Ari would not want to vote them out. It's tempting to throw a vote on one of them in the event of Ali playing an idol, just to keep myself safe. But if Ali doesn't have an idol, that could cause a whole world of issues. On the flip side, I wouldn't be entirely surprised if some or any of my tribe mates decided to throw my name under the bus. I haven't been the most social person and while I have definitely pulled my weight in the challenges, I could see them having their own little group that's willing to throw my under the bus and make things as painless as possible for the rest of them, especially considering they've all said they like Ali a lot. Ahhh this is all so much worse considering I have the hidden immunity idol. I don't want to waste it, but I also don't want to pull a Kellee Kim and go home with it in my pocket. 

it's kind of ridiculous how well this is all going???? why havent they voted me out yet i am running this shit -talked to ali, told him he's gonna be fine we just need to get people to vote for keegan -talked to jonathan, convinced him keegan is the most logical vote "because he's shady" and because it also means we can vote ali easily next time (versus going down to andro 4 and having it get much more messy) -jonathan was like "should we tell ali right before the vote?" and i was like i think you should call him and see where his head is at and we can go from there, jonathan said ok good point, if he says he wants to vote keegan and he also tells you that without any prompting from either of us we know he's real about it -yeeted myself into ali's dms the very second jonathan hung up like OK LISTEN HERE IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY WHEN HE CALLS YOU, HE CANT KNOW I TOLD YOU ANY OF THIS -ali called me half an hour later like "omg we had such a good talk i love jonathan now deadass, i told him exactly what you said to say and he's so down" -presumably in the morning jonathan will call me and say "wow had a great talk with ali he seems cool and great and he said he'd vote keegan, what did he tell you?" and i can say "yeah same he mentioned keegan so i think we're good!" and jonathan will feel like we Did This Together and ali will feel like i Did This For Him and everyone will be in love with me -all i have to do tomorrow is make sure zoe is on board & that she doesn't feel pushed, and prob call keegan and make him some vague promises about working together long term, and then cross my fingers that i don't get blindsided during my editorial meeting at 9pm est i am having so much fun

i just keep thinking about how funny it’s gonna be when we get to merge and mj tells me to vote out all these people i’ve been making f2s with and i’ll be like “okay!!!!<3”

Not to go back to INV this round, but not much has been going on. I've been keeping up socializing but since we're not going to tribal it's been more quiet than it has been last round. I'm really glad we won though bc I feel vulnerable if we go to tribal again. Cindi seems close to Nathan, and Nathan and Jessie seem closer to each other than they will be to me so I'm worried I'd be an easy vote. So I'm really hoping for a swap or merge tonight, or at least a challenge we can excel in. Don't want it to come down to one point again.

^_^ Okay, so no important updates with this tribe! It's freaking QUIET. I haven't talked to Zach or Silver at ALL since being with this tribe. I've talked to Jules a lot and Asya some, though. I'd like to work with the two of them if possible and if we ever go to tribal here, which I don't want to do because uhhh it's worrisome! Anyway, the only actual update I have is that I found the legacy advantage!!! Randomly at like 2AM I found it. I don't remember what I was doing exactly... I think I just went to watch the Circi round 3 tribal and then the Trian round 4 tribal... and then I think I went to watch the Tribe Swap video to see if there was some sort of announcement made regarded the Oxygen Tank amounts because I was confused why that number was changed more than double. I guess I was also thinking that since the hosts didn't make an announcement that the adventure was resetting at the swap then MAYBE there would be a new twist/advantage inserted elsewhere for this next phase of the game? Now, being the crackhead that I am, of course back on original tribes, I SEARCHED everywhere on the blog that I could think of. Extenders URLs, the source code, hidden hyperlinks - everything. Nothing was there. But in this case, my brain said, hmm, let's just scroll down and see if there's anything in the description of the Tribe Swap Youtube video...and... there was!! I didn't really know what it was at first but when I opened it everything CLICKED! Finally the Reem Cameo from launch night serving a bigger purpose made total sense. After seeing this link in the description though and realizing it was calling back to something we were told about night one, I went back and checked to see if this had been hidden all along, and of course it's literally in the description of the Cast Reveal video!!! and every other video after that!!! Keeping in mind that I found this 11 days into the game, I was like, oh there's definitely some nerd that found this instantly on night 1 so I'm probably just gonna get a message saying nothing here or something like that. Obviously that wasn't the case though. I think nobody found this because I lot of people operate via mobile in these, and Youtube descriptions require an addition click to reveal what's there. Alternatively, for desktop users, who the hell is scrolling down for any reason while you're watching videos from your ORG?? It's nothing something anyone does naturally. So that explains that. Anyway, I'm happy I found it even though it has absolutely no use until Day 39. I will say though that having this and knowing that, it has really motivated me to get to the end of this game. Coincidentally, HOURS before I found this, I had a conversation with Jules about how quiet this tribe has been and that I'd like to start working towards bettering our positions moving forward seeing as there are people here with more/stronger connections than either of us. I just love that I found an advantage that motivates me to start playing this game, exactly how I'd voiced to Jules about feeling a desire to start doing SOMETHING. We love a live narrative!!!! Anyway, I'm not gonna tell Jules about the legacy advantage because it's an advantage that incentivizes people to vote out the owner and have it passed on. I trust Jules, we go YEARS back and have to successful runs as allies under our belts, but this is just something I'd like to keep to myself. Earlier today I also decided that I'm probably never gonna tell Ari about it either if our paths ever (hopefully) cross in this game. I wanna surprise my bestie! At any rate, Jules did tell me that Zach and Asya seem like the type of players that only play on tribal days (at least in this case of this game) which is fine, but I've played a few super intense, intimate, and high-stakes ORGs in the past couple of years which has made me prioritize personal relationships with people over barebones game relationships. This makes dealing with people who aren't that interested in getting to know me or revealing themselves to me a SUPER off-putting experience and a drastic change of pace from what I've become accustomed to. But I'm totally capable of adapting to this environment... I just don't necessarily prefer it. I feel like I have room to connect with Asya on a personal level if given the chance. Zach and Silver I don't know. Although, I do think that if we ever lose immunity here I could for sure spit some game to Silver that would make him believe I want to work with him. I already have an idea of how that conversation goes, and the potential negative consequence of it is practically non-existent on this swap tribe, whereas it could have backfired on me if original Trian lost that third challenge. Anyway, I'll get into that whenever we lose or if I get bored and initiate that chat just to feel something lol

No tribal ever again until merge or swap please. Jessie would be the one I'd want out and I assume Jay would as well but she has Nathan's shard so, like, he'd lose that and then I lose my hope of getting both their shards and misplaying my first idol because I'm not good at survivor

Yayyyy we won immunity. Idk what much else to say except that I got 40 fuel tanks

today i am mad and sad. lost the challenge, was my fault bc purple not pink. no i will not elaborate. now ari jonathan and i have decided to save ali and vote out keegan. i hope it goes well. i am filled with anxiety. i don’t even want keegan to go, we just have to make the decision based on the fact that we don’t want to be seen as a tight alliance going into merge, and keegan can make it look like there was a crack therefore not making us look strong. but he is just sacrificial unfortunately. but we’ll see how it goes. i’m still anxious

Wow we won what a concept See what happens when we don’t throw comps ? Anyways yeah that’s it I guess lol

Honestly I I'm done with these hoes I'm ready to vote off Keegan 

This is definitely a very stressful and emotional tribal. I hate that we’re voting for Ali because he is a genuinely fantastic person and under different circumstances I think we could have worked really well together in this game. But when there’s a 4-1 tribe swap and the four of us have absolutely no beef with each other, there’s not a whole lot that can be done. None of my other 3 OG Andro players come across as big move players either. So unless I’m being straight up lied to and am about to get completely blindsided, it’s looking like a unanimous Ali boot. Which is incredibly sad. I really wanted us to win out until merge so we wouldn’t have to vote him out. But such is the game. Keegan signing off (hopefully not for the last time)