#also preparing to find out it’s just stress or something from having financial issues for a year and a half

[retrogradedreaming]

I am so so so tired of this body

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Breaking down the Comics: Power Imbalance.

Moon Knight, Issue #6: White Angels

I'm be honest, I'm a sucker for the Marc Spector stories. In the original run, they were actually kinda rare. 

Marc hated being himself so much that he was hardly around. Most of the time you alternated between Steven and Jake trying to build their lives away from the Marc Spector days. 

You focused on Steven building up his connections, his love with Marlene, and his money. 

Then you focused on Jake and his friendship, his connections with the street and common people, and his outlook on life. 

When you did get Marc, you got a few panels of him being emotional or angry. 

Many of the comics in the first runs open with a description of who they are and it was always stressed how different they were. 

"Jake Lockley: Easygoing, streetwise cabbie. Marc Spector: Grim veteran of wars fought for money. Steven Grant: Refined millionaire financier." 

And it was easy to see that Lockley was a favorite because of how much care and time was spent following Lockley and his friends: Gena, Crawley, and the two boys. 

There was also a heavy push for Moon Knight, of course. They were trying to get a superhero comic off the ground, after all. 

But they treated Moon Knight like his own entity back in the original run. A force that was none of the three. Cold, emotionless, and powerful. 

But sometimes the emotions of one of the three pushed through to Moon Knight and complicated matters. Then it was unclear on just who Moon Knight was. 

In this opening comic, we see Grant's butler, Samuels, waiting for their return. 

"Good evening Master Grant... Ah, that is.... Master Moon Knight!" 

"Relax Samuels, I'm Grant now. What have you got there?" 

"A telegram, sir. But it's not actually for you... Ah, that is, it is for you, but it was addressed to Marc Spector." 

"I'll read it to him." 

An interesting exchange. The narration says it was a joke, but you have to remember that the system has yet to declare itself a system and still thinks it is one man trying to use disguises. 

Though with each opening, we get more a distinct introduction on Steven, Marc, and Jake, and even Moon Knight. It's as if Moench is pushing for them to be themselves and Marc is pushing back in denial. 

Steven reads the telegram, which is a coded message addressed to Marc. 

Instantly they blank and clearly dissociate. 

"The man of many names and many pasts does not answer, his eyes glassy, staring at one of those pasts." says the narrator. 

Marc tells Frenchie to prepare for a 'holiday' and heads down into the mansion. 

Here we find Marlene waiting for him. We also see where I have conflicting feelings on Marlene. 

She jokes that she was dreaming of four men while waiting for him. 

"But WHAT a four! First there was this goofy guy named Jake - He made me laugh. Then Marc was your typical darker, no-nonsense type of lover. My favorite, as usual, was dreamboat Steven. But the fourth one, I hae to admit, added a touch of forbidden spice... He was almost like a silver ghost." 

And it makes Marc smile. 

Marlene clearly has a favorite. She's deeply into Steven and wishes that he would just stick with Steven as an identity. She only ever calls him Steven and is always teasing them. 

But now and then she does acknowledge that she is aware of the differences in them. 

At this point, it's easy to defend her and brush it aside. She has never heard of DID, the Moon Knight system is in denial, and they are presenting as one man that is trying to claim a new identity. So of course she wishes he'd just stick with Steven, the normal dreamy guy that likes high class and loves her. 

But there are more and more instances where he will flat out tell her to use a different name and she refuses, only ever calling him Steven. These moments start to make themselves more clear and she still refuses to acknowledge them. 

Her blind love for Steven starts to edge into ableism and abuse. But that's something that comes along a lot later on. 

For now, Marlene is a strong supporter of them. She helps them with their other 'identities', She listens when they break down, and she acts as a grounding tool more than a few times. 

But I digress. That's an argument for another time. 

After Marlene brightens his mood, we see him changing out of the Moon Knight outfit and into Jake's clothes. 

He tells her that they need to head to St. Lucien on vacation. 

"Well, as long as we'll be together -- and alone, Steven..." 

"Not quite alone, Lady, an' call me Jake, now. And not that I don't like Nedda's cookin', but cabbies prefer the chow at the joints like Gena's diner. [...] And her kids, too. Not to mention, Crawley. Grant promised them a vacation for their help against the committee's five hitmen... And Steven Grant, I hear, is a man of his word." 

This is interesting because this is the first time Jake has outright corrected her like this and spoken of his preference for the life he's building on his own. 

It's also worthy to take note that Jake, Steven, and Marc are more and more starting to talk about the other's as separate people. 

They are aware of one another now, or at least becoming more aware of their own identities. 

Can I also take this opportunity to say that Jake's unique accent is most prominent in this issue too? 

"Guess you're lucky the Angel O' Moicy just arrived." - Jake Lockley, a new york cabbie. 

So they hop in a plane and Steven takes them all to St. Lucien. They're put up in a fancy hotel and one of Gena's boys notices something. 

"The Ghetto. They got invisible walls here too, Ray, just like at home. There's only one difference... The color's the same on both sides of the wall." 

in Steven Grant's hotel room, Marlene finds the telegram. 

Image supplied because holy crap: 

"I unpacked your bags, and something tells me you're not going 'sight seeing.'"

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean this wire sent to you, Steven!" 

"Not to me-- It was sent to Spector." 

"It's no longer funny, Steven, but I hope you are joking -- Because if you really think of yourself as two or three or four separate people--" 

"I just forget once in a while, Marlene -- It's a problem, yes, but I'm able to control it..." 

WHOA. WHOA WHOA WHOA. Steven Grant is aware there is a problem. We've just reached awareness. 

AND THE DENIAL. "I'm able to control it." A line put in the MCU said by Marc. 

HMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM. 

Back to the story. 

So why are they in this country? Marc has a friend from his time in South America. They were up against a rebel coup and this man apparently saved his life. 

He's now director of police and has called in an owed favor. 

What's interesting is that he introduces Marlene as "My friend and aide." 

It further puts in the idea that Marlene acts more of a guide and grounding tool. 

It would seem Marc's friend has a voodoo problem linked with missing persons. 

There is belief in the poor side of town that someone is using Voodoo to turn people into zombie slaves (this is a legitimate thing that happens in certain cultural beliefs so color me impressed for 1980s writing). 

They discuss the power of belief and using it against people. 

Marc sets out to interview the families of the missing, but Marlene stays behind to ask his friend something. 

"I'd like to ask you something about ste- About Marc. Was he ever really ruthless? A heartless killer?" 

"Yes and no." 

"Marc Spector is a strange man. A man with many sides to him." 

We have to remember that Marlene met Marc as a mercinary that was raiding her father's dig site and aided in the eventual death of her father. 

While Marc did come back and save the other archeologists and fight against Bushman, Marlene has mostly been watching Steven and Jake try to clean up Marc's life. 

While out talking to people, Marc learns there is a leader called "The White Angel" that is kidnapping people. 

He interrupts an attempted kidnapping and saves the people, but the kidnappers get away. 

TIME OUT: Something important comes up here! 

MOON KNIGHT HISTORY: Moon Knight was originally introduced in "Werewolf by Night" where he was hired to kill Jack Russel (the funniest name in the world to give to a werewolf and even funnier when you learn that the person that named him had no idea there was a dog breed called jack russel terriers). 

In his dealings with Jack Russel, Moon Knight was bitten by the werewolf! But, he was somewhat resistant! Rather than turn into a wolfman every full moon, instead he becomes stronger and faster! 

At this point in the Moon Knight story, it's unclear what Khonshu is. As far as the story has said, it's just a statue that may or may not hold the mystical power of an Egyptian Moon God of vengeance. 

So during the full moon, as Moon Knight, he attributes his strength and power to the werewolf virus! 

Now, for a while now, the virus has started to fade and with it, his strength. 

This is really bumming out Moon Knight, making him feel weak and useless. 

During the fight with the kidnappers, he struggles against all the men and he feels the werewolf virus fading. 

So when Marc returns to the hotel, he's in a MOOD. He complains about the werewolf virus leaving him and how soon he'll just be a regular man in a cape. 

It's also making him think about Voodoo. How the poor people are at the mercy of something because they believe in it. 

He and Marlene have a discussion about how 

"Those are just the poor and uneducated, Steven. Others have adapted to modernization - Even prospered under it." 

"Yes, and those are the ones responsible, in part, for the plight of the ones I saw tonight...And the ones I saw tonight are precisely the kind of people Marc Spector never thought twice about. If a campaign meant stamping out a village, tough!" 

"What are you trying to say, Steven?" 

"I don't very much like Marc Spector." 

Uh oh. Now the question is, who is talking here? Is it Steven Grant becoming aware and viewing Marc as just a killer? Or is this Marc voicing how much he hates himself and wishes he was someone else? 

And in the very next page we have Marc, and it is Marc, up to shady business. 

He waits for Gena to go for a swim before he approaches her boys: 

"Listen- I've heard you two talking about people in shantytown. How'd you like to help them? How'd you like to risk your lives by walking in their shoes as targets for the zuvembies in hopes of slamming the lid on a certain voodoo houngan's kidnapping operation?" 

"Yeah, as long as Mama doesn't know." 

MARC. This is why you have no friends in the current runs. The things you do with Lockely's friends that puts them in danger! 

Meanwhile, Frenchie and Crawley are out doing their own thing and stumble on a poppy field being used to make Heroin. They also discover that the White Angel is a white man that owns the plantation. 

Frenchie and Crawley get captured and the two boys also get 'kidnapped' as planned. 

They watch as the White Angel uses drugs to turn the prisoners into zombies and manage to use a radio to contact Moon Knight. 

Moon Knight shows up and fights. Marlene also shows up with the police. Marc's friend gets pinned down by gunfire much the same way Marc was years before and Moon Knight manages to save him just as he was saved. 

They defeat the bad guy and free all the prisoners. 

Back at the hotel we see a pissed Gena telling the boys that they are not to work for Lockley anymore. 

Jake cuts in that the boys were heroes and saved everyone. 

Gena says that they are banned for working for Lockley for at least a whole week. It's hard to say no to Jake. 

Okay so, this was a really interesting issue. We are 6 in and we’re starting to see the system not only become aware, but also imbalanced. 

It also gets into a bit about the power of belief and power imbalance with the poor class. It doesn’t go too heavy on it this time, but you can see the unrest there. 

What’s interesting is that we are starting to see Steven also getting more power and opinions on Marc. Also a power imbalance? 

And because I’m me, I did my reviews backwards and started with the end of the run then jumped to the beginning. So we already know that at the end when Marc is at his most vulnerable with his father’s death, Steven steps up to help him and protect him. But at this point, we get disgruntled Steven and he’s about to go off. 

Raise a glass to classy Steven everyone. He’s a real pistol people and I’m excited to show you him! 

We’re leading up to a serious system meltdown and it is heartfelt. 

I'm be honest, I'm a sucker for the Marc Spector stories. In the original run, they were actually kinda rare. 

Marc hated being himself so much that he was hardly around. Most of the time you alternated between Steven and Jake trying to build their lives away from the Marc Spector days. 

You focused on Steven building up his connections, his love with Marlene, and his money. 

Then you focused on Jake and his friendship, his connections with the street and common people, and his outlook on life. 

When you did get Marc, you got a few panels of him being emotional or angry. 

Many of the comics in the first runs open with a description of who they are and it was always stressed how different they were. 

"Jake Lockley: Easygoing, streetwise cabbie. Marc Spector: Grim veteran of wars fought for money. Steven Grant: Refined millionaire financier." 

And it was easy to see that Lockley was a favorite because of how much care and time was spent following Lockley and his friends: Gena, Crawley, and the two boys. 

There was also a heavy push for Moon Knight, of course. They were trying to get a superhero comic off the ground, after all. 

But they treated Moon Knight like his own entity back in the original run. A force that was none of the three. Cold, emotionless, and powerful. 

But sometimes the emotions of one of the three pushed through to Moon Knight and complicated matters. Then it was unclear on just who Moon Knight was. 

In this opening comic, we see Grant's butler, Samuels, waiting for their return. 

"Good evening Master Grant... Ah, that is.... Master Moon Knight!" 

"Relax Samuels, I'm Grant now. What have you got there?" 

"A telegram, sir. But it's not actually for you... Ah, that is, it is for you, but it was addressed to Marc Spector." 

"I'll read it to him." 

An interesting exchange. The narration says it was a joke, but you have to remember that the system has yet to declare itself a system and still thinks it is one man trying to use disguises. 

Though with each opening, we get more a distinct introduction on Steven, Marc, and Jake, and even Moon Knight. It's as if Moench is pushing for them to be themselves and Marc is pushing back in denial. 

Steven reads the telegram, which is a coded message addressed to Marc. 

Instantly they blank and clearly dissociate. 

"The man of many names and many pasts does not answer, his eyes glassy, staring at one of those pasts." says the narrator. 

Marc tells Frenchie to prepare for a 'holiday' and heads down into the mansion. 

Here we find Marlene waiting for him. We also see where I have conflicting feelings on Marlene. 

She jokes that she was dreaming of four men while waiting for him. 

"But WHAT a four! First there was this goofy guy named Jake - He made me laugh. Then Marc was your typical darker, no-nonsense type of lover. My favorite, as usual, was dreamboat Steven. But the fourth one, I hae to admit, added a touch of forbidden spice... He was almost like a silver ghost." 

And it makes Marc smile. 

Marlene clearly has a favorite. She's deeply into Steven and wishes that he would just stick with Steven as an identity. She only ever calls him Steven and is always teasing them. 

But now and then she does acknowledge that she is aware of the differences in them. 

At this point, it's easy to defend her and brush it aside. She has never heard of DID, the Moon Knight system is in denial, and they are presenting as one man that is trying to claim a new identity. So of course she wishes he'd just stick with Steven, the normal dreamy guy that likes high class and loves her. 

But there are more and more instances where he will flat out tell her to use a different name and she refuses, only ever calling him Steven. These moments start to make themselves more clear and she still refuses to acknowledge them. 

Her blind love for Steven starts to edge into ableism and abuse. But that's something that comes along a lot later on. 

For now, Marlene is a strong supporter of them. She helps them with their other 'identities', She listens when they break down, and she acts as a grounding tool more than a few times. 

But I digress. That's an argument for another time. 

After Marlene brightens his mood, we see him changing out of the Moon Knight outfit and into Jake's clothes. 

He tells her that they need to head to St. Lucien on vacation. 

"Well, as long as we'll be together -- and alone, Steven..." 

"Not quite alone, Lady, an' call me Jake, now. And not that I don't like Nedda's cookin', but cabbies prefer the chow at the joints like Gena's diner. [...] And her kids, too. Not to mention, Crawley. Grant promised them a vacation for their help against the committee's five hitmen... And Steven Grant, I hear, is a man of his word." 

This is interesting because this is the first time Jake has outright corrected her like this and spoken of his preference for the life he's building on his own. 

It's also worthy to take note that Jake, Steven, and Marc are more and more starting to talk about the other's as separate people. 

They are aware of one another now, or at least becoming more aware of their own identities. 

Can I also take this opportunity to say that Jake's unique accent is most prominent in this issue too? 

"Guess you're lucky the Angel O' Moicy just arrived." - Jake Lockley, a new york cabbie. 

So they hop in a plane and Steven takes them all to St. Lucien. They're put up in a fancy hotel and one of Gena's boys notices something. 

"The Ghetto. They got invisible walls here too, Ray, just like at home. There's only one difference... The color's the same on both sides of the wall." 

in Steven Grant's hotel room, Marlene finds the telegram. 

Image supplied because holy crap: 

"I unpacked your bags, and something tells me you're not going 'sight seeing.'"

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean this wire sent to you, Steven!" 

"Not to me-- It was sent to Spector." 

"It's no longer funny, Steven, but I hope you are joking -- Because if you really think of yourself as two or three or four separate people--" 

"I just forget once in a while, Marlene -- It's a problem, yes, but I'm able to control it..." 

WHOA. WHOA WHOA WHOA. Steven Grant is aware there is a problem. We've just reached awareness. 

AND THE DENIAL. "I'm able to control it." A line put in the MCU said by Marc. 

HMMMMM. HMMMMMMMMMMMMM. 

Back to the story. 

So why are they in this country? Marc has a friend from his time in South America. They were up against a rebel coup and this man apparently saved his life. 

He's now director of police and has called in an owed favor. 

What's interesting is that he introduces Marlene as "My friend and aide." 

It further puts in the idea that Marlene acts more of a guide and grounding tool. 

It would seem Marc's friend has a voodoo problem linked with missing persons. 

There is belief in the poor side of town that someone is using Voodoo to turn people into zombie slaves (this is a legitimate thing that happens in certain cultural beliefs so color me impressed for 1980s writing). 

They discuss the power of belief and using it against people. 

Marc sets out to interview the families of the missing, but Marlene stays behind to ask his friend something. 

"I'd like to ask you something about ste- About Marc. Was he ever really ruthless? A heartless killer?" 

"Yes and no." 

"Marc Spector is a strange man. A man with many sides to him." 

We have to remember that Marlene met Marc as a mercinary that was raiding her father's dig site and aided in the eventual death of her father. 

While Marc did come back and save the other archeologists and fight against Bushman, Marlene has mostly been watching Steven and Jake try to clean up Marc's life. 

While out talking to people, Marc learns there is a leader called "The White Angel" that is kidnapping people. 

He interrupts an attempted kidnapping and saves the people, but the kidnappers get away. 

TIME OUT: Something important comes up here! 

MOON KNIGHT HISTORY: Moon Knight was originally introduced in "Werewolf by Night" where he was hired to kill Jack Russel (the funniest name in the world to give to a werewolf and even funnier when you learn that the person that named him had no idea there was a dog breed called jack russel terriers). 

In his dealings with Jack Russel, Moon Knight was bitten by the werewolf! But, he was somewhat resistant! Rather than turn into a wolfman every full moon, instead he becomes stronger and faster! 

At this point in the Moon Knight story, it's unclear what Khonshu is. As far as the story has said, it's just a statue that may or may not hold the mystical power of an Egyptian Moon God of vengeance. 

So during the full moon, as Moon Knight, he attributes his strength and power to the werewolf virus! 

Now, for a while now, the virus has started to fade and with it, his strength. 

This is really bumming out Moon Knight, making him feel weak and useless. 

During the fight with the kidnappers, he struggles against all the men and he feels the werewolf virus fading. 

So when Marc returns to the hotel, he's in a MOOD. He complains about the werewolf virus leaving him and how soon he'll just be a regular man in a cape. 

It's also making him think about Voodoo. How the poor people are at the mercy of something because they believe in it. 

He and Marlene have a discussion about how 

"Those are just the poor and uneducated, Steven. Others have adapted to modernization - Even prospered under it." 

"Yes, and those are the ones responsible, in part, for the plight of the ones I saw tonight...And the ones I saw tonight are precisely the kind of people Marc Spector never thought twice about. If a campaign meant stamping out a village, tough!" 

"What are you trying to say, Steven?" 

"I don't very much like Marc Spector." 

Uh oh. Now the question is, who is talking here? Is it Steven Grant becoming aware and viewing Marc as just a killer? Or is this Marc voicing how much he hates himself and wishes he was someone else? 

And in the very next page we have Marc, and it is Marc, up to shady business. 

He waits for Gena to go for a swim before he approaches her boys: 

"Listen- I've heard you two talking about people in shantytown. How'd you like to help them? How'd you like to risk your lives by walking in their shoes as targets for the zuvembies in hopes of slamming the lid on a certain voodoo houngan's kidnapping operation?" 

"Yeah, as long as Mama doesn't know." 

MARC. This is why you have no friends in the current runs. The things you do with Lockely's friends that puts them in danger! 

Meanwhile, Frenchie and Crawley are out doing their own thing and stumble on a poppy field being used to make Heroin. They also discover that the White Angel is a white man that owns the plantation. 

Frenchie and Crawley get captured and the two boys also get 'kidnapped' as planned. 

They watch as the White Angel uses drugs to turn the prisoners into zombies and manage to use a radio to contact Moon Knight. 

Moon Knight shows up and fights. Marlene also shows up with the police. Marc's friend gets pinned down by gunfire much the same way Marc was years before and Moon Knight manages to save him just as he was saved. 

They defeat the bad guy and free all the prisoners. 

Back at the hotel we see a pissed Gena telling the boys that they are not to work for Lockley anymore. 

Jake cuts in that the boys were heroes and saved everyone. 

Gena says that they are banned for working for Lockley for at least a whole week. It's hard to say no to Jake. 

Okay so, this was a really interesting issue. We are 6 in and we’re starting to see the system not only become aware, but also imbalanced. 

It also gets into a bit about the power of belief and power imbalance with the poor class. It doesn’t go too heavy on it this time, but you can see the unrest there. 

What’s interesting is that we are starting to see Steven also getting more power and opinions on Marc. Also a power imbalance? 

And because I’m me, I did my reviews backwards and started with the end of the run then jumped to the beginning. So we already know that at the end when Marc is at his most vulnerable with his father’s death, Steven steps up to help him and protect him. But at this point, we get disgruntled Steven and he’s about to go off. 

Raise a glass to classy Steven everyone. He’s a real pistol people and I’m excited to show you him! 

We’re leading up to a serious system meltdown and it is heartfelt. 

[supurrb]

where’d you get your cats? I’m looking into getting a ragdoll

that is something you will need to deep dive into yourself my friend! in the sense of like, i got into touch with local breeders, versus idk the people who ship everywhere. here are some tips though!

reach out on local Facebook groups! i know we all hate Facebook but i’ve found some great communities for the Pacific Northwest (where I am) that were kind and informative regarding catteries they went to, breeders to avoid, and their recommendations.

when you find a breeder, do your research! do they have a public list of people who bought from them, and can those people verify they purchased an animal that wasn’t sick, had any genetic issues, and was taken care of? was the breeder up front and honest about the pedigree and provided papers? were they clear on genetic testing they did?

a good cattery will test their breeding pairs for genetic issues, and be upfront with you regarding any potential issues. ragdolls have a history of heart disease and it is important to know potential risks.

local catteries are ideal so that you can go in person and verify the conditions of the cats! an ethical cattery is breeding to enhance the standards of the breed and not to pump out cats to sell. look at how many litters a year they have, how many breeding pairs they have, and be wary of any cattery that is pumping out nonstop kittens. i had to be on a waiting list for my boys because my cattery was careful in their breeding selections, timelines, and ensuring none of their cats were stressed.

check if your cattery attends cat shows! this is another good way to verify that the cattery is legit and invested in the betterment of the breed versus making quick money. they should be breeding to enhance the quality of their animals, and by taking them to shows, they’re demonstrating their investment in this. catteries are NOT a viable business and should be regarded as a passion project. ragdolls are very expensive, but this is often due to the labor and costs that goes into maintaining a breed. which leads to next point…

if it’s too good to be true, it is! don’t trust super low price points. if a ragdoll is being sold for $200 a pop, it’s a scam. ragdolls are pricey and range in the thousands. so be financially prepared!

everybody has different opinions on the ethics of buying from a cattery, but my ultimate opinion is to go for what works best for you. i got ragdolls because i love their temperament, their minimal-brushing fur (as in no matting, they shed like hell), and their cuddly personalities. i also wanted to know their genetic background just in case something occurs health-wise. my first cat was a random kitten from an oopsie litter and while i love her dearly and miss her every day, i wish i had known more about her genetic history so i may have been more prepared for her cancer, and perhaps started early preventive treatment.

all in all, research!! research a Ton!! take your time and be sure you are ready for a new life and all the responsibility that comes with it!

**edit** thank you @speedsketch for reminding me of a point I forgot to add (i’m at work and spacey rn lol) is that you can also find purebred kitties like ragdolls at rescues as well! sometimes you can even find a breed-specific rescue locally!! rescue cats, purebred or otherwise, are just as wonderful companions, and can be an ideal compromise if the financial cost of buying from a cattery is too much. it never hurts to check your local rescue first!

on a similar note, ragdolls are determined ultimately by pedigree paperwork, and cannot be simply declared a ragdoll by looks alone, as that’s just the nature of purebred cats. if you don’t care about papers, definitely look at your local rescues! i see kittens all the time that look like ragdolls and have the characteristics and may even be ragdoll mixes. when i have the space, i also intend to be getting some more shelter kitties to join my family!

[cannotflyarc]

✩ for Mac and Johanna but we just do the platonic stuff

DISAGREEMENTS.

who is more likely to raise their voice? neither. mac would have to do something bad to get johanna to yell at her. who trashes the house? mac might on accident because she works all the time, but it never lasts long. how often do they argue/disagree? not often. johanna was giving her some Stares and expected mac to try to fight with her in the beginning, but they don't argue a lot. who is the first to apologize? johanna.

SLEEPING.

who snores? if both do, who snores the loudest? johanna does. don't know about mac. who talks in their sleep? johanna does when she has bad dreams. are either of your muses insomniacs? JOHANNA LOL. can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? no they freak johanna out. who wakes up with bed hair? mac. who wakes up first? johanna. who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? not their thing. do they set an alarm each night? johanna gets up naturally. mac does. can a television be found in their bedroom? no. who has nightmares? johanna does. mac does. who has ridiculous dreams? mac. what time is bed time? uhhhhh. any routines/rituals before bed? johanna has hair things to do. who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? neither are super grumpy.

WORK.

who is the busiest? they're busy at different times. who rakes in the highest income? mac? gets paid more? but also student debt? are any of your muses unemployed? neither are. who takes the most sick days? johanna makes mac. who is more likely to turn up late to work? neither. who sucks up to their boss? neither. what are their jobs? johanna is a pediatric medical assistant and mac is a midwife. who stresses the most? johanna. do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? yes for both. are your muses financially stable? johanna is. mac is not.

HOME.

who does the washing? johanna. who takes out the trash? anthony. who does the ironing? johanna. who does the cooking? mac and anthony. who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? johanna. who is messier?  no one is really. who leaves the toilet roll empty? no one. who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? no one. who forgets to flush the toilet? no one. who is the prankster around the house? no one. who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? no one owns a car. who mows the lawn? no lawn. who answers the telephone? mac. who does the vacuuming? johanna. who does the groceries? mac. who takes the longest to shower? johanna because she got long hair. who spends the most time in the bathroom? johanna because hair.

MISCELLANEOUS.

is money a problem? for mac. for johanna, no. how many cars do they own? none. do they own their home or do they rent? rent before they move to the suburbs. do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? neither. do they live in the city or in the country?  city and then suburbs. do they enjoy their surroundings? johanna isn't very happy to be honest. nyc reminds her of london. what’s their song? probably for good from w.icked. what do they do when they’re away from each other? working. where did they first meet? in class. how did they first meet? they were in class/saw each other around campus. anthony really befriended mac and invited her to move in. who spends the most money when out shopping? neither. who’s more likely to flash their assets? neither. who finds it amusing when the other trips over? neither. any mental issues? YUP. who’s terrified of bugs? neither one? who kills the spiders around the house? either. their favorite place? they just like to hang out at home together. grab a blanket, curl up with a book. who pays the bills? they pay separate bills. do they have any fears for their future? johanna sure does. who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? pass. who uses up all of the hot water?  johanna on accident. who’s the tallest? mac. who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? johanna. what do they tease each other about? johanna doesn't really tease her friends honestly. who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? neither. do they have mutual friends? johanna knows mac's friends kind of. does that count? any alcohol or substance related problems? no. who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? no. who swears the most? neither.

[thoughtcock]

One year later since my last post...

I'll have to say, so many things have changed. For the better. But also, I couldn't have been more out of touch with my own feelings. Time that could be used reflecting went on to the following:

Spending time with said ex-colleague, our relationship has evolved into something stable, comforting. A little less lonely in this city

New apartment by myself, furnishing/cleaning (I have so much more to say about this hehe)

New job with new benefits and perks, long work hours yet still having work life balance. Time spent learning how to deal with breaking news, make sense of filings, find specific figures, to make sense of this financial work

Everything is nice, but I am also yearning for more?

Boyfriend: how we can have a better quality relationship instead of just being each other's ranting bags/favour do-ers. Quite frankly we are in different phrases of life. I got out of my rut, while he's still knee deep in his. I don't want to discount his troubles, but damn the negative vibes sometimes just eats to me. For someone who's been in a rut I ought to be more understanding, but I also can't discount my own feelings of wanting something more than just "ugh everything in my life sucks" vibes creeping around me all the time. what is the right sense of balance in this case?

New apartment: I find myself becoming much happier since I moved to this space. A space that is truly mine, without much sharing apart from bf coming over regularly and helps with logisitics/some chores/companionship. I think for the first time in my life I truly feel like I'm creating a safe space, a HOME for myself. I never felt like that in the past. So that leaves me wanting to do more for this house. A new air fryer? More decor? fancy plates? A projector? What can i buy to make my home more homely? Or am I just spending too much and having to make space for so many more new items which could drag me down potentially? i'm also becoming neater and more organised (i know right who am i), so how do i want my space to be respected?

New job: how can i do more to drive up the career ladder? do i even want to do that when i already have enough in terms of pay and benefits? or do i want to keep building that validation amognst my colleagues and managers? what is it that i want to do for myself at this job? truth be told, its a cushy job that comes with high;y stressful moments and so so so much more to learn as well. how do i keep that balance of learning more without overwhelming myself?

I haven't been going for therapy ever since that B*etterH*lp counsellor semi-ghosted me after our last session. The good thing is my company now has quite a few mental help resources, so i'm trying to restart my therapy journey again. because despite all the new and good thigns coming in, i find myself shoving all my inner feelings and moments for self-reflection aside. sometimes the negative thoughts creep in, and i just feel kinda disillusioned/jaded in a way. i feel like i want to push people away and just be on my own. and i dont know why. i feel like it could be because im expecting more from my bf and hes just been too cooped up in his own negativity/issues.

i spend too much time doom-scrolling and thinking about all the other things that needed my immediate attention more. why would i spend time digging up on how my parents raising me has made me who i am today, when i have to spend time soothing my bf or preparing a tv hit for monday or thinking of what to cook for dinner or just being on twitter reading up on wars and influencer gossip? which is why i am finally back on this little space of mine.

I need time for myself to reflect.

[free--therapy]

Healthy Coping Skills for Uncomfortable Emotions

Emotion-Focused and Problem-Focused Strategies

By Amy Morin, LCSW

Whether you’ve been dumped by your date or you’ve had a rough day at the office, having healthy coping skills can be key to getting through tough times. Coping skills help you tolerate, minimize, and deal with stressful situations in life. Managing your stress well can help you feel better physically and psychologically and it can impact your ability to perform your best.

But not all coping skills are created equal. Sometimes, it’s tempting to engage in strategies that will give quick relief but might create bigger problems for you down the road. It’s important to establish healthy coping skills that will help you reduce your emotional distress or rid yourself of the stressful situations you face.

Problem-Based vs. Emotion-Based

When you’re feeling distressed, ask yourself, “Do I need to change my situation or do I need to find a way to better cope with the situation?” Then, you can decide which type of coping strategy will help you best proceed.

There are two main types of coping skills: problem-based coping and emotion-based coping.

Problem-based coping is helpful when you need to change your situation, perhaps by removing a stressful thing from your life. For example, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship, your anxiety and sadness might be best resolved by ending the relationship (as opposed to soothing your emotions).

Emotion-based coping is helpful when you need to take care of your feelings when you either don’t want to change your situation or when circumstances are out of your control. For example, if you are grieving the loss of a loved one, it’d be important to take care of your feelings in a healthy way (since you can’t change the circumstance).

There isn’t always one best way to proceed. Instead, it’s up to you to decide which type of coping skill is likely to work best for you in your particular circumstance.

Healthy Emotion-Focused Coping Skills

Whether you’re feeling lonely, nervous, sad, or angry, emotion-focused coping skills can help you deal with your feelings in a healthy way. Healthy coping strategies may soothe you, temporarily distract you, or help you tolerate your distress.

Sometimes it’s helpful to face your emotions head-on. For example, feeling sad after the death of a loved one can help you honor your loss.

So while it would be important to use coping skills to help relieve some of your distress, coping strategies shouldn’t be about constantly distracting you from reality.

Other times, coping skills may help you change your mood. If you’ve had a bad day at work, playing with your kids or watching a funny movie might cheer you up. Or, if you’re angry about something someone said, a healthy coping strategy might help you calm down before you say something you might regret. Here are some examples of healthy emotion-focused coping skills:

Clean the house (or a closet, drawer, or area)

Color

Cook a meal

Do yoga

Draw

Drink tea

Garden

Give yourself a pep talk

Go for a walk

Engage in a hobby

Exercise

Listen to music

List the things you feel grateful for

Look at landscape photos that help you feel relaxed

Look at pictures to remind you of the people, places, and things that bring joy

Meditate

Picture your “happy place”

Play a game with your kids

Play with a pet

Practice breathing exercises

Pray

Put on lotion that smells good

Read a book

Reframe the way you are thinking about the problem

Squeeze a stress ball

Smile

Spend time in nature

Take a bath

Take care of your body in a way that makes you feel good (paint your nails, do your hair, put on a face mask)

Think of something funny

Use a relaxation app

Use aromatherapy

Use progressive muscle relaxation

Write in a journal

Healthy Problem-Focused Coping Skills

There are many ways you might decide to tackle a problem head-on and eliminate the source of your stress. In some cases, that may mean changing your behavior or creating a plan that helps you know what action you’re going to take.

In other situations, problem-focused coping may involve more drastic measures, like changing jobs or cutting someone out of your life. Here are some examples of healthy problem-focused coping skills:

Ask for support from a friend or a professional.

Create a to-do list.

Engage in problem-solving.

Establish healthy boundaries (tell your friend you aren’t going to spend time with her if she makes fun of you).

Walk away (leave a situation that is causing you stress).

Work on managing your time better (for example, turn off the alerts on your phone).

Unhealthy Coping Skills to Avoid

Just because a strategy helps you endure emotional pain, it doesn’t mean it’s healthy. Some coping skills could create bigger problems in your life. Here are some examples of unhealthy coping skills:

Drinking alcohol or using drugs: Substances may temporarily numb your pain, but they won’t resolve your issues. Substances are likely to introduce new problems into your life. Alcohol, for example, is a depressant that can make you feel worse. Using substances also puts you at risk for developing a substance abuse problem and it may create legal issues, financial problems, and a variety of social issues.

Overeating: Food is a common coping strategy. But, trying to “stuff your feelings” with food can lead to an unhealthy relationship with food—and weight issues. Sometimes people go to the other extreme and restrict their eating (because it makes them feel more in control) and clearly, that can be just as unhealthy.

Sleeping too much: Whether you take a nap when you’re stressed out or you sleep late to avoid facing the day, sleeping offers a temporary escape from your problems. However, when you wake up, the problem will still be there.

Venting to others: Talking about your problems so that you can gain support, develop a solution, or see a problem in a different way can be healthy. But studies show1 repeatedly venting to people about how bad your situation is or how terrible you feel is more likely to keep you stuck in a place of pain.

Overspending: While many people say they enjoy retail therapy as a way to feel better, shopping can become unhealthy. Owning too many possessions can add stress to your life. Also, spending more than you can afford will only backfire in the end and cause more stress.

Avoiding things: Even “healthy” coping strategies can become unhealthy if you’re using them to avoid the problem. For example, if you are stressed about your financial situation, you might be tempted to spend time with friends or watch TV because that’s less anxiety-provoking than creating a budget. But if you never resolve your financial issues, your coping strategies are only masking the problem.

Proactive Coping

Coping skills are usually discussed as a reactive strategy—when you feel bad, you do something to cope. But, research shows2 that proactive coping strategies can be an effective way to manage the future obstacles you’re likely to face.

For example, if you have worked hard to lose weight, proactive coping strategies could help you maintain your weight after your weight loss program has ended. You might plan ahead for circumstances that might derail you—like the holiday season or dinner invitations from friends—to help you cope.

You also might plan ahead for how you’re going to cope with emotions that previously caused you to snack—like boredom or loneliness. And you might prepare a mantra that you’ll repeat to yourself when you’re tempted to give in to temptation.

Proactive coping has been found to be an effective way to help people deal with predictable changes, like a decline in income during retirement.

However, coping can also be used to help people deal with unexpected life changes, such as a major change in health. A 2014 study3 found that individuals who engaged with proactive coping were better able to deal with the changes they encountered after having a stroke.

Another study4 found that people who engaged in proactive coping were better equipped to manage their type 2 diabetes. Participants who planned ahead and set realistic goals enjoyed better psychological well-being.

So, if you are facing a stressful life event or you’ve undergone a major change, try planning ahead. Consider the skills you can use to cope with the challenges you’re likely to face.

When you have a toolbox ready to go, you’ll know what to do. And that could help you to feel better equipped to face the challenges ahead.

Find What Works for You

The coping strategies that work for someone else might not work for you. Going for a walk might help your partner calm down. But you might find going for a walk when you’re angry causes you think more about why you’re mad—and it fuels your angry feelings. So you might decide watching a funny video for a few minutes helps you relax.

It's important to develop your own toolkit of coping skills that you’ll find useful. You may need to experiment with a variety of coping strategies to help you discover which ones work best for you.

You might find that certain coping strategies work best for specific issues or emotions. For example, engaging in a hobby may be an effective way to unwind after a long day at work. But, going for a walk in nature might be the best approach when you’re feeling sad.

When it comes to coping skills, there’s always room for improvement. So, assess what other tools and resources you can use and consider how you might continue to sharpen your skills in the future.

Read Article Here

[thegreenwolf]

(This post was originally posted on my blog at https://thegreenwolf.com/its-okay-to-not-hustle/)

There’s this meme going around Facebook right now, saying “If you don’t come out of this quarantine with a new skill, your side hustle started, or more knowledge, you never lacked time. You lacked discipline.” Thankfully multiple people have already skewered it, but it continues to be shared around by the sort of person who is trying to one-up everyone else, or who’s just plain clueless–or, for that matter, just trying to guilt you into buying whatever they’re selling.

Now, there’s not a damned thing wrong with self-promotion. That’s how indie artists, authors, and other self-employed folks get the word out. You have to be able to talk good talk in order to get people’s attention. But leading with this meme? Guilting people for not leaping from sudden unemployment straight into the thick of the ever-shifting gig economy? That ain’t gonna fly, Brocephus.

You Have Good Reasons to Slack

Excuse me while I dust off my counseling psych degree a sec, here. *ahem* We are in a very sensitive, turbulent time right now. We’re in the middle of a pandemic, the likes of which hasn’t been seen in a century in the Western world. We are in a hugely traumatizing situation here. Not just for the financial losses, but the fact that COVID-19 has killed thousands of people and left many more with permanent lung damage. We still haven’t gotten a handle yet on exactly how contagious this thing is, how long you’re contagious for, or whether you’re immune once you’ve had it, assuming you survive. We don’t have adequate testing, emergency rooms estimate that for every positive test there are 10-20 people out there infected and untested, and everyone with a cough is suddenly Schroedinger’s COVID case. Governments worldwide are slow to react in spite of the rising death toll. People have had friends and family die horribly from this thing in a short period of time. Even people who didn’t already have issues with anxiety, depression and other mental illnesses are feeling stressed, strained and scared–and, yes, traumatized. This image is guilt-tripping people who are actively being traumatized.

So we’re already starting with a populace that is dealing with this collective trauma, as well as whatever personal trauma each individual is experiencing. Not always easy to seize the day when you’re going through that. And I can think of a few other reasons that might further complicate this whole “Just get a side gig!” thing:

–They’re a parent who suddenly has all their kids at home, all the time, demanding time and attention and food, AND they still have to work eight hours a day from home, or maybe even more if their S.O. is unemployed/sick/etc. By the way, if someone trots out Isaac Newton or William Shakespeare or some other historical guy who managed to do epic things during a pandemic, remember that they usually had wives or servants to do all the laundry and cooking and cleaning and (if applicable) childcare for them.

–They’re disabled or chronically ill, and don’t have the ability/energy/etc. to just go and make something happen, just like that. Imagine if you just randomly got the fatigue from a really bad flu, and you never knew whether it was going to last a day or a month. And if you tried exerting yourself when you were feeling better, chances are you’d slip back into fatigue-land. That’s what a lot of my chronically ill/etc. friends have to deal with, to say nothing of issues with accessibility of resources for starting a side gig.

–They don’t have any money for the supplies needed to start a side hustle, or the supplies have been hoarded by hobbyists preparing for a Pandemic Staycation.

–They don’t have the skills for something that just requires what they already have (like, for example, writing on a laptop you already happen to own). Often these skills are things that can’t be perfected in a few weeks at home, but may take years to develop before they’re really marketable–like, for example, the skill to make a decent living on side hustles.

–They have anxiety, depression or other mental health conditions that make it hard to function even in the best of times, but even moreso in this…well…mess. Even people who were mentally healthy before are going to be developing diagnosable anxiety and depression disorders before all’s said and done. And speaking from personal experience, those of us who look successful on the outside can still be internally hamstrung by these conditions at times.

–Plus there’s the fact that we’re not supposed to, you know, leave our homes, which narrows down the field of potential side gigs by a lot.

Even doing something less financially-wrought like learning a new skill or subject takes time, energy, and sometimes money, any or all of which may be scarce for the reasons above and more.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

I am saying all of this as someone who is arguably an expert on the side gig. I have spent the past eight and a half years 100% self-employed (and a lot longer doing it part-time) as an author and artist, able to cover all my bills and expenses, and for a time I was the primary breadwinner of a multi-person household. I have like ten different things I was doing for a living before this all hit, a pretty diverse set of streams of income, even if most of them just up and evaporated in the past few weeks. And while I’m definitely a hell of a lot leaner now than I was a month ago, I still have my head above water for the moment. So I think I know side gigs.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I’m overall healthy. I have a dog who is a lot less demanding of my time than kids would be. I have my own space where I can focus more or less without interruption. More importantly, I have the skills, the knowhow, the drive and the personality to go out and seek new opportunities. And I’m used to fluctuations in income, though admittedly this one’s unprecedented. Don’t gauge yourself by where I am now. I’ve spent twenty-two years building up my art business, my first book came out in 2006, and I’ve had a series of really good opportunities come my way that I had the privilege to be able to make the most of. I am not your measuring stick, so don’t say “Well, if she can do it why can’t I? I must suck!”

If you’re feeling crappy because you aren’t hopping to it and carpeing the diem and getting everything done, here’s what I have to say to you: Look, you just had your world turned upside-down. Job loss, scarce commodities, sudden lack of outside childcare, restricted movement and inability to be around much of your support system, and did I mention a pandemic is happening, too? Any single one of those things would be difficult for just about anyone to deal with, never mind all at once. And I don’t even know what all else has already been going on in your life–unstable or unsafe living situation, other health issues, breakups and other losses, interpersonal conflicts. You know, normal life stuff.

You’re Not Lazy, or Screwing Up, or (Gods Forbid) Undisciplined

It is totally okay if all you’re doing right now is surviving. It’s okay if you feel like you’re drowning, overwhelmed by all that’s happening both on a global level and more personally. It’s okay if all you can manage right now is to get out of bed and stumble through each day a moment at a time, struggling with a tidal wave of emotions. It’s okay if you’re just trying to keep your kids busy, dealing with a crowded home every single day, or trying to keep COVID-19 at bay. It’s okay if, instead of firing up DuoLingo or opening an Etsy shop, you spend your evenings vegging to Netflix or reading a book or playing hours and hours of Animal Crossing.

Not every moment in your life has to be about being productive even in the best of circumstances, and that goes exponentially so right now. Be patient with yourself, and be kind. You may be one of those folks who literally has to spend all their time scrabbling to try to cover the bills or get some leeway from bill collectors, and you have to dedicate your waking time hunting for resources just to try to get through this week. Believe me, I feel for you, I have a lot of friends in that situation right now, and I hope all of you can find some relief and assistance.

May I suggest something? If you have the energy for something more than the bare essentials of getting by, put that energy toward self-care, whatever you can manage under the circumstances. You can use it to recuperate, to rebuild your emotional and physical resilience. That way if things get rough again in the future, you have more internal reserves to build on. If your usual methods don’t work or aren’t accessible due to lockdown, ask others what they’re doing to keep themselves grounded in this trying time.

Just because you have more time doesn’t mean you don’t have to throw yourself right into something productive! Don’t feel pressured to just go-go-go the moment you have a little freedom to move. If you do decide you want to try a side gig, or a new skill, or learn all about some specialized topic of interest, go for it! If you have the energy and attention and opportunity to pursue something new, it can be a great coping skill during this traumatic time. Just don’t pressure yourself; keep it fun.

One last thing: I want you to save the image I have at the top of this post. And then if you see someone post that meme, saying “Come on, you lazy bums, get up and make that side gig happen! Learn new stuff! Do all the things! No excuses!” you pull out this version, and you look at the edits, you remember that it’s okay to be where you are, and you get back to doing things at your own pace no matter what someone else says. (I find visualizing stapling a printout of the edited version to the offender’s forehead to also be therapeutic, but that may just be me.)

Hang in there, okay? It’s going to be a rough time, but you’re not alone, and what you’re feeling right now is shared by so many people. So just let yourself be where you are in this moment, and we’ll see what hope tomorrow brings. And remember that whatever you’re capable of in this moment: it’s enough.

Did you enjoy this post? Please consider supporting my work on Patreon, buying my books here on my website, buying my art and books on Etsy, or tipping me at Ko-fi!

[bestie-enthusiast]

Chapter 3: Sam Fills in, Zemo is not Impressed (and also has his first therapy appointment)

Hello!! This is the third chapter of my PTA! Dad! Zemo fic. This is the fifth installment of 11, and the previous chapters can be found under the hashtag pta dad zemo.

Fic Summary: After the untimely death of both his wife and father due to a bombing, Baron Helmut Zemo takes his son and immigrates to America. He does not expect to find a family nor a romantic partner, and he especially does not expect to find the ability to heal. To grieve.

And yet, here we are.

This is a story about connections, growing, healing and mourning the past while still appreciating the future and all it has to offer.

Chapter WC: 1731

Fic below cut if you're interested!

Three days later.

Zemo frowned slightly as he listened to Carol’s rant. She had called an “emergency” PTA meeting (and he was fairly certain she paid the principal to let her do it), but there was no real emergency. Instead all Carol was doing was going on and on about how her son was being “bullied” for his lack of potty training. Her child was in fourth grade, of course the other children were making fun of him.

Even worse was that Sarah hadn’t been able to come in, she was at work, and so her brother had come instead. Zemo had met him only once, at a charity event the school was hosting, and he was not at all subtle in his distaste for Zemo. So he sat in silence listening to Carol’s ranting. No one was in the mood to tell her to shut up, so they all just sat there and waited for her to tire herself out.

Once Carol was done seething she looked at them expectantly, but no one said anything. No one dared to move an inch as they waited for Carol to completely calm down. Eventually, Carol stormed out with a huff and everyone let out a collective sigh of relief. A few people stood up, and Zemo stood after them. He started to walk out when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He instinctively tensed up but turned around. It was Sam.

“Sorry to bother you man, but Sarah said your, uh, butler was with AJ and Cass at a park? Sarah didn’t tell me where, so could I tag along with you?” He asked awkwardly, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he spoke.

“Of course.” Zemo said, nodding. Sam trailed behind him quietly as they began their walk. Zemo almost forgot he was there, with how silent he was being. He thought about all the things he’s ever said or done to hurt any member of the Wilson family, hoping he could think of something to apologise for. He couldn’t think of anything he hadn’t already apologised for or done something to make up for, so he assumed Sam had a different reason to not like him. He didn’t wish to assume it was because of his financial state.

Eventually they made their way to the park, where Oeznik was dutifully watching over Carl, AJ, and Cass. He gave a muttered goodbye to Sam and hurried over to Carl, gently leading him away and following Oeznik to the car.

He absentmindedly listened to Carl talk about his school day as he pulled open his messenger app. He texted Sarah, just to make sure she was okay and not because Sam filling in had reminded him of how lonely he actually was. Sarah texted him back that she was busy with work, and then asked why Sam was so pissed at him. He replied that he didn’t know and she just sent back an eye roll emoji, so he let the conversation end.

He conversed with Carl on the rest of the way back, reminding himself that Sarah was just an acquaintance, and that he shouldn’t let himself get distracted from the only thing that actually mattered, that being Carl.

Sure Sarah was the only person who he trusted outside of Carl and Oeznik, but Carl was the only person that actually mattered to him any more. His consultation with Dr. Raynor was tomorrow, and while he was initially enthusiastic at the prospect, he now regarded the appointment with dread.

After letting out a quiet sigh, Zemo plastered on a large, fake grin, and helped Carl with his school work while Oeznik prepared dinner. He helped Carl get ready for bed, but tonight he did not even bother attempting to fall asleep. He holed himself up in his office, working on things until his hands shook and cramped and his vision grew blurry, at which point he took a cold shower, and resumed work.

Eventually it came time for him to get ready, so he gently woke up Carl to tell him he had an early meeting out of town, but he would be back in time to collect him from school. Carl nodded sleepily and Zemo quietly got dressed, did his hair, and carefully completed his skin care routine.

Once he was satisfied with his appearance, he got into his car and started the long commute to Dr. Raynors office. If he decided to keep her as his full time therapist, he would need to find a shorter way to her office, or perhaps have only phone sessions.

He arrived fifteen minutes early, and spent the time analyzing the decor of her office and fiddling with his phone. Soon enough it was his own name being called. He stood and entered the office, shaking hands with Dr. Raynor when she offered.

“And you are… Helmut Zemo, correct?” He nodded, so used to the mispronunciation of his first name on the rare occasions it was used that he couldn’t be bothered to correct her.

“Yes, but I prefer to be referred to by just my last name.” Mentally he tacked on, ‘because you Americans say it wrong and I can’t be expected to deal with that.’

“Sure.” She said, writing something down in her notebook. “So I’ve looked over all your paperwork, but I want to know, coming from you directly, why you are here.” She said, and it didn’t sound at all like a question, more like a straight fact.

“I suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, you specialise in that.” He said simply, it was the main reason anyway. He did not comment on how he believed their personalities would match, as he was only here for her to consult on whether or not she would take him on as a patient.

“Right,” She said, rolling her eyes. Zemo held back a smile, she rather reminded him of his wife- oh.

She would not work as his therapist. He thought that she would work well, as she could call him out when he refused to do it himself, but no. Talking to her, talking about his emotions to her, would just remind him too much of Heike. Zemo struggled to keep a smirk on his face, or at the very least a neutral look, while she asked him questions. He responded at least somewhat honestly, and then they continued.

“So I’m going to be honest with you, I really only take on patients that peak my interest, and you haven’t.” Zemo held back a wince at the admission, although he supposed he was purposefully making himself that way. He only talked about his time as a Sokovian soldier, not at all about the loss of his wife (or father, but that issue was buried so deep that he forgot about it on occasion), or his obsession over Carl’s schooling and keeping him happy. He did not mention the fact that he felt a rather immense amount of guilt for feeling any sort of attraction, or that he was lonely. And he purposefully kept his face as straight and closed as he possibly could throughout their entire conversation. And so Zemo couldn’t help but relax a tad bit at the statement. No wife-like therapist for him, her death was not an issue he was ready to tackle yet like he thought when he made the appointment.

“Are you- Are you relieved?” She asked incredulously, and Zemo only blinked. She had noticed the slight change in his posture when she had said that. Oops.

“I could tell we were not going to get along.” Zemo replied, and it was the truth. Or partial truth? They would get along, rather spectacularly, according to all the personality assessments the people who left reviews had said. That's what he didn’t want though, he wanted to be detached and unreliant on whichever therapist he acquired, he would become far too attached to Dr. Raynor due to her similar personality to his wife.

“That is utter bullshit. You read the reviews before coming, you knew what I was like before you even came into this room. Why are you relieved I don’t want you as my patient?” Zemo frowned and licked his lips, he was not about to tell her about his wife before they ever had a proper session. “That information is… confidential. And you are not my confidant.” Zemo replied snarkily, who did this woman think she was? She already said no, and yet here she was, still questioning him?

“I’ve changed my mind, you are a very interesting case.” Zemo didn’t know how to feel about that.

“That’s all well and good, but I’m afraid I have not changed mine.” Zemo said, giving the doctor one last, polite, smile before standing up. She stood up as well and he held out his hand for a shake, which she did.

“If you reconsider, you know my number.” She said, before letting go. He nodded and started to walk out the door. Once he was in the waiting room he was surprised to find James sitting in there, fiddling with his phone. Carefully keeping his footsteps quiet, he kept his head down and walked past James, who looked up.

“Zemo?” James asked in surprise, and he turned around to give James a smile, a real one.

“Ah, hello Mr. Barnes.” Zemo greeted back, feeling the all too familiar flutter in his heart at the sight of James. Guilt and shame crashed over him like they did every time he felt that flutter, but it didn’t deter it in the slightest.

“Bucky, please. I didn’t know you knew Dr. Raynor,” James commented with a small smile.

“Y-yes well, I’m just here for a consultation appointment.” Zemo stuttered, that smile made his heart do things, such as sending blood southwards. “Well, Dr. Raynor is the best at what she does.” James responded with a smirk, and a shrug. Zemo gave him another smile, a quick wave, and then he was on his way. As soon as he was out of the building he called Dr. Raynor left her a voicemail stating he had changed his mind, and would like to become a regular client. Seeing James every so often in a non-school setting would be worth it, maybe he’d get to see that smile pointed at him again.

Tagging: @morganbritton132 (Who came up with this AU) and @i-ll-be-the-moon (Who is a great and suportive friend!)

[happypeachwhispers]

Fries Meet Guys: ALEX HØGH ANDERSEN - I DIDN'T THINK I WAS A PERSON WHO SHOULD TALK ABOUT ANXIETY - Part Two: Performing, Friendship

Thank you for your patience, here’s the long awaited part two! Are you crying, cause I’m crying. He’s such a profound human being.

Taglist: @ivarsrideordie @tgrrose @shannygoatgruff @youbloodymadgenius @boltslightning @alexein13 @ivaraddict @jupiter-sagittarius

PART ONE HERE

PARTS THREE TO EIGHT

I was all over the place, like I always am, after all, and I enjoyed that experience a lot, it filled something inside of me. I always knew I needed something else. I sure was a pain in the ass for many people, but then I met a whole group of people just like me and I learned what acceptance means. What was percieved as “different” in my daily life became normal and I felt at home. I was certainly the most determined one, the first time at the Eventyrteatret I was the only one of 50 kids in the room who didn't live in Copenhagen and had to take a long trip to get there. It was so crazy and chaotic. It was so strange that they sang and danced, and then they all danced in sync into a song they prepared for the annual performance. Well, back then I thought it was weird, but a month went by and it became completely normal for me. “I'm one of you”.

It was a new experience. You suddenly started singing and dancing in Copenhagen, how was that recieved back at home in Skælskør?

I think it took some time for the people I used to hang out with to understand that. I have to say I may remember feeling a little bit out of place. But it also has to be said, I've always been pretty comfortable in school, honestly. I have never been the one who has been so unpopular or I have struggled extra hard, I think. So it was, maybe, a little bit difficult. It might have been hard for me not to be accepted anymore because I was accepted before. Their point of view wasn't the big challenge for me, I actually think it was more an internal challenge with myself, I could feel there was a completely different world. I didn't know anything about it but I just made room for myself and I discovered there was a part of me I had no idea was there in the first place.

Was it difficult to maintain frendships in school when you were busy driving back and forth between Skælskør and Copenhagen?

It has actually not been that bad in primary school. But I have to say in high school, yes, it was. I have some friends from high school I talk to every now and then, but no, I didn't maintain any close friendship. I basically lived a double life throughout high school, where I was either at the Eventyrteatret or I was shooting the advent calendar in Aalborg. So I was pretty much not there, my social life was in Copenhagen. I had a girlfriend there too. I just didn't feel the need for a social life in Skælskør. And the free time I had was pretty much all absorbed by my profession.

I think we can all relate.

Yes but usually Danish kids in high school when they have free time they wanna party, that's what happens when you're part of a group of friends in high school.

We have had some other guests in the studio who have had very different experiences. How is your situation friendship-wise in school at this point?

I had some friends in high school, in my class and in other classes, absolutely. But I spent almost all the time with the group of friends in Copenhagen, so I was not influenced by my high school mates and their choices that much. I've felt a lil bit different because I've had a double life. I mostly had different group of friends in relation to the activity I shared with them. The group of friends I acted with, the group I went to college with and then a small group I talk to from time to time mostly individually.

Do you have both female and male friends?

Yes, I do. I would say I have more male friends tho. It's a mixed bunch of ordinary people, both women and men.

Is the way you communicate with your female friends different from the way you communicate with your male friends?

Definitely. You have to be more of a listener, I'm pretty good at listening, I think you have to adapt and communicate in a different way based on who is in front of you. See, with men you talk a certain way, that sort of street style if you will.  It comes natural because that's the way you talk to each other since the first day you met. But when you have in front of you people who are pretty cool and you have to impress them, you just have to do this and that, and that's what it's needed. But I would like to be able to be honest, always. And it's not hard at all, I’ve been really good at surrounding myself with some really, really pleasant people. I can afford to be myself at all times and they can be one hundred percent themselves with me.

What does it mean to be your authentic self for you?

It means that one can afford to have not only a good day but also a bad one. To be able to be stupid and not have to be slaughtered for it. I can be weird and crazy and say some stupid things without having to go half an hour afterwards and hit myself in the head. These are little things that are so insanely hard to find. I'm very lucky. I can pretty much talk about everything with them, we are very very honest with each other. In January, I was in Tenerife with three of my friends, and we brought along our stories in the luggage. I was suffering from anxiety and I had a sore stomach, it lasted four months, I was finally getting better. Another friend of mine, he's extreme. The love game hits him immensely. The other one suffers from depression. He generally has a hard time figuring out what he wants and what he doesn't existentially. And then we have number four, thank God, he doesn't have the same big problems. He holds us all together. It was a great experience, I remember us four sitting around the table and talking while eating pizza with shrimps. We sat for three or four hours talking non-stop about nothing but our problems that one could imagine they are extremely taboo for other groups.

Did sharing with each other give you something on an emotional level?

Oh yes, absolutely. We support each other by sharing and it's awesome to have people you trust so much to share such personal issues with. And so I think in 2019 in today's Denmark, that's what it means to be a man. To be able to comprehend people and understand. I see instead a lot of carelessness and stereotypes.

Didn't you encounter those qualities in other men, as an adult?

No, not at all. It's not about stereotypes. We have just as many problems as everyone else and we are extremely worried about it financially and emotionally. Anxiety. Social education, existential issues. It can be anything. All my friends, all the people I have in my life, they all have problems to a greater or lesser degree. Absolutely. But that's what it means to be human. And that's what it means to be a man. It means you are making mistakes, you are imperfect. You are a fool, and you must be allowed to be a fool, and you will also stand on your own. You're going to hurt other people because you're human. But you must also be forgiven, and you must also be able to forgive. You just need care and understanding.

Were you able to find the care and understanding you need?

Alex groans – Yes and no.

Do I have to change subject?

Alex laughs – No, it's ok. I am open to recieve care. It's just that I stress a lot about my mistakes, your head plays games with you and you just have to survive.

You can't control everything you can handle, what a funny paradox. You describe yourself as a person who likes to take up a lot of space and fill a lot. And then I also sense that when it comes to emotions, for example, to take a seat and ask for help, then it's a whole different thing.

Yes, that's true. I don't know, I'm fucking complicated and I don't know how to handle it at all. I believe in nature and creativity. I have always had a lot of willpower and then I had my mother showing me the right path, then you grow up and learn to control yourself. But I have a hard time talking about it. I told you, I don't know. Yes, I am a human being who goes through a lot and thinks such extremely deep thoughts, I put all that in my creativity, in my work. That helps me. Then I have moments when I'm completely wrapped in my own thoughts, but I think, generally, I'm a relaxed person. I do my very best just not to do all that thinking and that takes a lot of effort. I won't let those thoughts get under my skin because I know all too well that it's not good for me.

END PART TWO

Ask me in messages if you wanna be tagged // Feel free to like, comment and share, thank you!

[ingek73]

UK republicans take heart from royals’ recent travails

Campaign group Republic believes bad headlines are increasing support for abolition of monarchy

Ben Quinn

Published: 17:34 Sunday, 29 August 2021

It has been another run of weeks in which the royal family’s open sores have been publicised around the world.

Prince Andrew was confirmed to be a “person of interest” in a new US investigation into the disgraced late financier Jeffrey Epstein. Days later, it transpired that a new epilogue of a biography of the Duke and Duchess of Sussex states the pair believe the royal family did not take accountability for the concerns raised in their interview with Oprah Winfrey.

Separately, an unwelcome development of a different kind for the royals came on Sunday when a charity founded by Prince Charles said it was launching an ethics investigation into claims of “cash for access” – the allegation that middlemen were taking payments for setting up dinner between wealthy donors and the future king.

It is a backdrop that leaves those making the often lonely case for a republic in the UK convinced they are quietly making headway, not only by claiming a recent increase in formal support but also by the reaction to a publicity campaign designed to get people talking about their cause.

A set of billboards rolled out by the campaign group Republic is unprecedentedly stark in calling for the abolition of the monarchy.

And it has achieved one of its desired goals – provoking a reaction – even if that includes at least one being vandalised. New billboards, including one depicting Andrew as “Wanted”, are set to go up in the near future.

But while royal controversies continue to indirectly aid the cause, lesser-appreciated and perhaps counterintuitive factors are also driving newer recruits into the republican fold, not least the television juggernaut The Crown.

Richard Crane, 23, a PhD student at York University who joined Republic two months ago, credits the series with beginning his journey from being a “half-monarchist” to somebody actively supporting the institution’s abolition.

“It prompted me to do a bit more research about what their role is, and what systems are in place in other countries such as India and Ireland, which made me realise a lot of things,” he said.

Another who joined in the past year, Henry Beach, a conservative-leaning 29-year-old Londoner working in marketing, is an example of the campaign reaching further than left-of-centre silos, despite it remaining small.

“My interest actually kicked during the purchase of the flat where I live with my girlfriend,” he said.

“It’s under leasehold and there’s a freeholder above that, which I find quite wrong. It really sparked the idea that we are still living in a feudalistic system and all that flows from that.”

Republic’s CEO, Graham Smith, expresses satisfaction with the impact of the latest campaign and claims the winds are beginning to change. And he credits the furore around Prince Harry and Meghan as one trigger.

“It’s dividing opinion again. I think there are a lot of people who are sympathetic to them and lot of people who really wish they would go away,” he said.

“But I think a lot of people were pretty shocked by the allegations of racism, towards Meghan’s health for example.”

Smith said Republic’s main focus remains on preparing for the opportunity around the royal succession. He said a potentially much less popular King Charles presents a headache for those seeking to preserve the monarchy.

“I don’t think a constitutional crisis will be inevitable, but I think it is a very serious problem,” he said. “We feel he will find it very difficult to keep his mouth closed and to say nothing on issues that matter to him. I think he has a kind of messianic complex way, he feels he is here to save us from ourselves.”

Polling consistently underlines the popularity of the monarchy in the UK. Three in five Britons (61%) still support the monarchy, according to YouGov polling in May, a small fall on the previous year. However, the same polling found that 41% of 18- to 24-year-olds say Britain should have an elected head of state, while 31% continue to support the monarchy.

Malcolm Turnbull, the former Australian prime minister who led his country’s Republican movement in a failed 1999 poll, stresses this is a key moment on the other side of the world, too.

“The Queen’s death or abdication will be a historic watershed, and we just can’t be sure what attitudes will be on the other side,” he told the Guardian.

“In the United Kingdom the argument has to be an egalitarian one. In a modern democracy, republicans will argue, every office should be open to every citizen. Why is the taxpayer spending a fortune to keep one family in such incredible grandeur?”

He added: “In the UK I think it’s a harder sell but the message in Australia is still the same and I think that the view in London, among most people and certainly in and around the royal family, is amazement that Australia isn’t a republic already.”

Turnbull is also confident that the aura around a new generation of royals will not be enough to save the monarchy in any future poll in Australia.

“There are a lot of people that think there’s just such enthusiasm for the younger royals and that will overwhelm it, but I think that is confusing enthusiasm for celebrity with something else entirely,” he said.

“The Americans are great fans of royal gossip and the glamour that comes with it, but they are not about to become a member of the British Commonwealth.”

[everydayanth]

Academic Elitism: an institutional issue

Sorry for being so rant-y lately, but the elitism of university has been a problem for me from the exact moment I accepted my scholarship with a signature and a handshake in high school. (The scholarship was later revoked due to state up-fuckery, but that’s another story, and I was already in too deep by the time they told me).

My parent’s house was only an hour north, my younger sister had already claimed my room, but I was excited. I was in the furthest dorm building, because that’s where the scholarship kids went, it was like a poor kid diversity hall, every few doors was someone from a completely different background, but we were all poor except our Swedish RA, and there was an odd pride in that. We all had various scholarships: robotics, dance team, nerds like me, etc. (not the football or hockey athletes though, they had their own dorm next to the library for... reasons, lol).

But being the last hall, it wasn’t actually full, most of us had entire rooms to ourselves, often whole suites; our hall was co-ed, but rooms were only occupied at every-other, staggered down the corridor. Only the front two halls were used, the back two closed off for construction or codes or something. We had to hike up the hill for dining halls, which was fine until snowdays that shut the whole campus down (and I mean west Michigan ones, with 4+ feet of powder and ice underneath). I had an old computer my dad got me for graduation and I didn’t know it was old until my peers started calling it a dinosaur. I had to use the library computers to write and print papers, and most places I went, I ran into the other scholarship kids. We didn’t talk much, just a head bob here and there, awareness at our similarities and an annoyed spite at being thrown together this way. It was lonely for everyone.

I had a purple flip phone I’d gotten only that calendar year (2009) and was still learning to text with (abbreviations? instant messaging? what?). My roommate had come down from Alaska to live near her dad, we’d talked in the summer, but I never saw her. I moved my things in and her stuff was on her side, I texted her about going to turn in paperwork and when I came back, there was a note on my bed and all her things were gone, she couldn’t do it, had never been away from home for even a night. She left a few mismatched socks and a bag of junk pens that I resented for years. 

Social media was mostly a way to talk to people across campus and exchange homework and party times/locations. We posted over-edited photos of our food and still jogged with our mp3 players and ipods. But within two years, I had to trade in my computer three times and upgrade to a smartphone to keep up with the expectations of communication. Professors would cancel classes by emails an hour out, and if I was on campus, I simply didn’t get the message, running between classes with 19 credit hours and three jobs. Work would call in or cancel my appointments (tutoring) and I needed to be able to communicate at the rate of my peers, so though it wasn’t something we could easily afford, my parents let me get the smartphone and my dad helped me find computers that could keep up with writing papers and researching without having to go to the lab, which saved so much time. 

There was little understanding for my suffering. I didn’t have a car, I had to call my parents and organize a time to get home or take the train which was more expensive than waiting around on an empty campus. They were often things that even the wealthiest students had to deal with, but there were so much more of them for us, more stress, more problems, more solutions, more consequences, and in some ways, more determination.

I spent plenty of breaks holed up in my room, but when the swine flu/H1N1 outbreak happened, guess where they quarantined students?

In our hall. 

Not the back one that was closed. In the room attached to my suite. 

After half a semester alone, suddenly strangers shared my bathroom. I never saw them, I would just hear the formidable click of the bathroom lock followed by the shower. A week later I got a blue half-sheet note in my mailbox about quarantines. The other kids were as pissed off, as we watched kids escorted in with blue masks and were told to just get cleaning wipes from the front desk –they ran out in a week. 

We were the recyclable students, brought in to trade scholarships for university grade averages. Many of my friends were struggling with scholarship qualifications and gpas (which only encouraged my continual obsessive perfectionism and involvement). 

We were expendable. 

I didn’t understand the elitism then, or I did, but I’d twisted it in my head from years tossed between private and public schools. I was an invader, I wasn’t supposed to be there, but I wanted to be. I understood that I didn’t deserve it, that I had to work harder to stay. I completed Master’s coursework for my Bachelor’s degree, finishing two BA programs (anthropology and English: creative writing) and 2 minor programs in philosophy and world lit, lead several campus groups and volunteered with honor’s societies. I spent hours on campus every day, running home just to go to one job or the other. I slept about four hours a night and I still romanticize it because I loved it. And I was good at it. It was a closed system, easy to infiltrate, easy to watch and observe and follow, to feel protected from the world, but there were always ways that I came up short. 

I didn’t have leggings or Northface fleeces or Ugg boots or name brand anything (except a pair of converse I got in 8th grade from my Babcia). I had old high school sweats and soccer shirts, hand-me-down clothes from sisters and cousins that mix-matched a style I thought was unique but I now understand screamed I don’t really belong here. Example: I went to propose an independent study to a professor I really admired and I panicked about what to wear. I still cringe at the memory, gahhhhhh, but I pulled on what I thought was a decent dress because it had no rips or stains or tears and though I’d picked it up from a clearance rack, it was the newest thing and therefore the best. But in retrospect, it was definitely a “party” dress, I grabbed a sweater, hoop earrings that had always been beautiful in my neighborhood, and heels I never wore otherwise, and presented my idea. This old professor was just like “um...did you dress up for me?” Clearly spooked by red flags and I realized my mistake. Saved by quick thinking I clarified “no, I have a presentation later,” and being a familiar face in the social sciences department, I let him assume I was dressed up as something. I just went in my sweats and t-shirts after that, got a haircut that tamed the wavy frizz and learned the importance of muted tones, cardigans, and flats.

I made a lot of interesting friends in the process, people who also stuck out from the American Academic culture: exchange students, older (non-traditional) students, rebels, and other poor kids. But that also meant that we all evolved during our time there, so friendship was quick and fleeting as we adapted or dropped out or remained oblivious, lost in our studies and dreams of changing the world or our lives. 

I had no idea how to approach the dining halls because I could only afford the bronze plan that was included with my room+board scholarship. I could enter the hall ten times per week, with four included passes to the after-hours carry-out (this was an upgrade from the free high school lunch I was coming from). I met other kids on this plan and their dorm rooms had fridges and microwaves and shelves of ramen and mac’n’cheese. Mine was sparse, my fridge had jugs of water from the filtered tap in the common room, and though it had a shared kitchenette, it always smelled bad or was being used and the nearest grocery store was Meijers which was a 15-20 minute drive from campus. I used so much energy dividing up my meals and figuring out how to sneak food from the hall for later or just learn to not eat, which is another story involving malnutrition, broken bones, and the American Healthcare System.

We like to summarize the college experience with fond struggles. I went back to my old high school to watch my younger sisters’ marching band competition that first year (it’s MI, and they were good). My old art teacher (not much older than we were but she felt so much older at the time, also her maiden name was Erickson and so was her fiance’s so she didn’t “change” her name and that blows my mind to this day), anyway, she stopped me to ask how school was going, and I was not prepared to be recognized in anyway and stammered out something like “oh, yeah, stressful. Fun, cool, yeah,” like the eloquent well-educated student I was. And she said, “oh, I loved it, don’t you love it? Everything’s so charming, and being poor? Oh man, it’s hard for a while, but it’s so good to go through.” 

I was dumbfounded at her reference to poverty as a thing to go through when you’re a student. I again had to remember that I was infiltrating places where people weren’t just marginally more well-off than I was, but far beyond, in a place where they couldn’t comprehend an alternative, couldn’t conceive of surviving poverty, of not having a reliable place to fall if you mess up, parents who couldn’t support you if things went wrong, who couldn’t save you from having to drop out if scholarships were canceled because the money just wasn’t there.

Talking with my parents never worked, and I recently found this video by The Financial Diet about Boomer shame in being poor, where many Millennials were united by it and it was #relatable. But all this is to say that there are so many layers and ways we develop in higher education that are often overlooked by the romantic nostalgia of the elite expectation. What we demand from education vs. what it offers us in return is rarely equal for students coming from poverty, and it starts with that first sacrifice of looking at money and deciding it has to be worth it to do something bigger, and that education is a necessary piece of that goal.

Now I live near Brown University, I’ve been to Harvard when we lived in Boston and recently took a trip to Yale with bold expectations. I am friends with several people who work at these places and I hear the same things: so many students are in a place where their obsessions are considered more important than the larger world, an argument that Shakespeare is a woman is more important to prove than the greater issues of sexism in society as a whole, while others are trained to look at data and the world as a pocketable fact-book, going to conferences and  week-long summits and then off to D.C. to make important decisions about places they’ve never been to, for people they’ve never met, about problems they’ve never experienced.  

It’s not new. It’s not romantic. It’s not nostalgic. It’s just sick. 

I was horrified at New Haven. I have read so many social science reports and papers and experiments and academic bullshit that has come from professors at Yale with a big badge of ivy-league validation. So much of this research was focused on homelessness and culture clash and socio-economics in America, as that was my “dissertation” that got me discounted master’s classes for my BA in Anthropology. Anyway, my point was that I thought this noble, proud university that put out so much research was going to be situated in something of a utopia, where their research is put into practice. Obviously, I was wrong, but I didn’t expect how wrong. (I had also started reading Leigh Bardugo’s Ninth House, so... there’s another thing).

My observations were validated by employees of ivy-league schools, who have watched over the past 2 decades as they grow more and more reclusive, hiding away from the public except through a few, probably well-intentioned, outstretched hands that do little to contribute to the world outside the university itself. These ivory towers are built by poaching: environments, observations, resources, research, and yeah, even students.

I love academia. I will sit in a library for hours just pulling down tomes (and putting them back in their proper locations like a dork) and drawing connections just for fun. But right now, I’m a bit bitter and spiteful and angry. 

When something like Coronavirus sneaks up on us, we have a tendency to throw the most expendable people under the bus as quickly as we can, and all I can think about is my shadow of a suite-mate sneezing and coughing with swine flu for two weeks, at how I refused to use my own bathroom and listened to my hall-mates’ advice about showering at the rec center a mile away as we all collectively locked our bathroom doors and were left there by the university to get sick without insurance to help with any foreseeable costs.

It’s not the same now, they’ve rebuilt the entire section of the campus, it’s odd to see it, I wonder where they put the expendable kids. Or maybe they don’t accept them anymore. I’ve worked in college admissions since then, and it is a scary industry of politics and preference and hidden quotas and image-agendas. Not all schools are industry monsters, but when you’re expendable, they sure do feel like it, whether you graduate summa cum laude with two degrees, six awards, and five tasseled ropes around your neck or not. 

I wish I had a positive message. I wish I was in a place to help people who feel expendable or like they can’t keep up with communications because of technology or language or network or environment. But I don’t have much right now. For all its posturing and linear progression, academia needs to create profit. All I can do is yell about this existing.

If you are feeling expandable in university, I can tell you you’re not alone. I can let you rant about all the small ways your peers don’t get it, whether its an accent they shit on or ceremonies you don’t have the right clothes for or textbooks you share with a friend to cut costs but then they hoard them. I can relate to you about guilt and that sneaking panic that fills you with anxiety at night as you question yourself and wonder if it’s worth it at all, if it’s necessary, if it’s okay to be expendable to follow something that feels bigger. I can validate your doubt and tell you that you’re not actually expendable, you’re a bridge. 

I’m sorry it still works like this. I wish we figured out how to change it by now, I wish I had secret shortcuts to tell you about, that there was more accountability or hope, but I’m not seeing it lately. I hope you do. <3

[starlocked01]

Beautiful Mistakes

AO3 @tsshipmonth2020

Masterpost- Previous- Next

Summary-  Remy can't think before he has his coffee and that causes problems for him and his soulmate.

A/N- Slightly altered so that the marks disappear a few minutes after they’ve been received.

Day 9 Remile- Whatever you draw on your skin shows up on your soulmate

Emile could feel the slight itch on his cheek that indicated a message from his soulmate had appeared. He flushed with embarrassment but kept his composure. He quickly scrawled on his wrist.

Not now, Rem. I'm with a client.

He turned back to his patients with a smile and his wrist itched as Remy replied.

Oops

"Doc, you okay?"

"My apologies, my soulmate likes to send messages when he wakes up. Except he works… at night," Emile sighed, affectionately yet exasperated.

"Well the flags look cute, I guess as long as you're okay with your patients knowing..." Dot smiled and nodded encouragingly.

Emile paled, "he didn't…"

"I think he did," Larry replied.

Emile put a hand to his cheek, "it's a pride flag isn't it?"

"Oh don't worry, Doc! It's so cute! Larry, isn't it cute?"

"He's going to be rather upset with me. I can't check it, and he's not out at work yet… but enough about me, back to Dorry! Or if you prefer, Larrydot?? " Emile grinned despite the looks of confusion the couple were giving him. His cheek and wrist continued to itch but he insisted on staying focused on the session.

By the time Larry and Dot were leaving, the itching had crawled up his forearm. Remy must be rather upset.

He checked his watch. The next appointment was in 20 minutes. He could take 5 to read through the tirade and would still be able to review notes for the next couple. He rolled up his sleeve to see a block of text that grew more frantic the farther it got up his arm.

Babe check out the drawing!

I worked hard on that girl pls appreciate me

Em i have work in an hour

Look. At. Your. Cheek.

This isn't funny!

Okay it was supposed to be funny but i can't have a gay flag on my face at work they will kill me!!!!

Bitch

Bitch

You don't love me im gonna die because you don't love me

No one is gonna believe me if i have to lie about this

Please????

>:[

Emile chuckled and wrote back quickly.

This is your fault for drawing on your cheek. You know I work and can't check messages right away.

He checked the time again and pulled out his phone, opening the camera app. He admired the little gay flag crossed with a pan flag. He took a quick selfie to preserve the drawing on his phone. It really was sweet, if unfortunately timed. Luckily, most of his clients would be fairly understanding. Remy's coworkers on the other hand would not.

The tirade on his arm had faded and  been replaced with a new line from Remy.

Don't judge me I didn't have my coffee yet girl

Emile chuckled and pulled his sleeve back down, finding the file and notes he had for the next couple's session.

Remy sat in his car, obsessively checking the mirror until the flags on his cheek faded away. The last thing he needed was to get outed by a soul mark. He was usually late anyway because of the line at Starbucks, what harm would one more day do?

A lot of harm, apparently.

His boss was waiting by the loading dock, impatiently tapping his foot as Remy strolled up.

"'Sup? What are we-"

"Don't even bother clocking in. You don't do shit here and this is the fifth time you've been late this month. You're done."

Remy sputtered, "this is homophobic!"

His boss stared hard at him, eyes narrowing, "You're lazy and you're gay? You're FIRED!"

"Whatever! Your loss, you prick!" Remy turned and flipped the man off as he walked back to his car. He got in and locked the doors, taking some deep breaths. He considered writing to Emile, but decided this was probably an in-person topic.

He restarted the car and drove home, mentally preparing for a lot of explaining.

Emile was surprised to see Remy's car in the driveway when he got home and more than a little concerned. He parked and hurried inside. He found his soulmate sitting in the dark, sipping coffee, and scrolling instagram.

"Remy? Are you okay?"

"Got fired."

"Oh my stars! What happened?"

Remy gave an exasperated sigh, "he didn't like me being late. He also blamed me being gay so idk maybe there's a lawsuit there."

"Was it because of the flags? I tried to check as soon as possible…"

"No… I'm usually late anyway," Remy sank deeper into the couch and Emile moved to sit down next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Maybe it was time for a career change. You can find somewhere more accepting with less crazy hours."

"Maybe I'll become a stripper. They make good money right?" Remy mused, leaning into Emile’s side. The other man wrapped him in a one armed hug.

"While I am sure you'd be a natural, I'd be very concerned for your safety as a sex worker, dear. What about something you're passionate about?" Emile tried to be encouraging, numbers running through his head calculating exactly how long they could live off a single salary.

The outlook was not super promising.

"Don't worry, babe, I'll do some research tonight and fill out some applications. Promise," Remy gave Emile a smile that was skin deep, "what do you want for dinner? I'm starving."

After a week of Remy submitting applications and hearing nothing back, Emile was about ready to suggest the exotic dancer route himself. It wasn't that they were under financial stress (yet), moreso that Remy was a lot more rambunctious being cooped at home during the night. He kept waking Emile up too early and the loss of sleep was starting to affect his clients.

"Hey Doc? You're kinda unusually quiet today…"

Emile shook himself back to alertness, "sorry about that Elliott, where were we?"

"Um," they tapped their fingers together while thinking, "I think I was talking about how my soulmate never writes back. They check every message but I never get any from them. It doesn't… feel good."

"Remember what we've said before, Elliott, your worth isn't based on your soulmate. Whatever reason they choose not to write back, the fact of the matter is that you're still an amazing and powerful person in your own right."

Emile was interrupted by an itching on his wrist. Remy would usually still be asleep by now it was late enough in the morning.

He resisted the urge to check the mark as he spoke with Elliott and he could feel the itch crawling up his arm.

After the session, Emile quickly pulled up his sleeve, praying for good news.

I GOT IT!!!

Finally got an interview for tomorrow!!

<3 <3 <3

There were several more hearts and Emile allowed himself a small smile of relief. He doodled back a heart or two for Remy before returning his focus back to work.

They could celebrate when that interview turned into a position.

He greeted the next couple with a broader smile and a tad more exuberance, much to their dismay.

Remy was nervous. This job sounded too good to be true and they'd practically hired him on the spot. He wasn't about to let his soulmate down though.

He followed the man down the hall, sipping his tea for comfort.

"Honestly just don't let anyone eat anything inedible or hit each other and you'll do great," the man smiled, showing Remy into a room with a dozen kids and two other frazzled looking adults.

Piece of cake right?

Emile was in the middle of a session when he felt the itch on his cheek. He tried to smile through it, but then he felt more itches on his legs and arms and nose. His clients were too preoccupied actually talking through their issue with each other so Emile checked his arm to find a rainbow of scribbles that kept growing.

He put a hand to his face to cover his nose and cheek. What had Remy gotten himself into?

Pretty soon his clients were used to seeing Emile with colorful marks all over his face. He explained that his soulmate worked with kids and almost everyone nodded knowingly. He did ask that if they ever saw an inappropriate drawing they let him know so he could check it right away.

Some days he would draw little cartoons for the kids to fill in. They loved that and he always sent them little hearts back when they did a good job (they always did a good job).

And most importantly, Remy was having a great time with his job and got to be home at nights, so they saw each other a lot more often. They both enjoyed that.

[allthebooksandcrannies]

I know a lot of older people think it's a problem that so many young people don't want to have children, but I think it shows an increased understanding for how much of a responsibility parenting is and how much damage you can do to a child of you're not ready to raise someone.

I think that everyone is capable of being a good parent and I think that some people should never be parents. These may sound mutually exclusive but they aren't because there's a big if involved in the first half. That if, is that everyone is capable of being a good parent someday if they put in the work to take care of their own shit first.

When you become a parent or guardian, you are officially signing on to prioritize another person's physical and emotional needs before your own for the rest of their life. That means loving them no matter what they do or who they become. That means putting aside your own exhaustion and frustration at your day when they walk through the door so that you can be their champion and their confidant and their companion. That means teaching them how to process their emotions and think critically and empathetically and it means letting them find their own path, even if it's different than the one you wanted or imagined for them, but making it clear that if they need or want your comfort, your help, or just your ear that they will have it. You don't have to be perfect. No parent ever is, and it's important anyway for kids to learn in nontraumatic ways that adults make mistakes too and that's okay as long as you take responsibility for that and strive to learn and grow because of your mistakes. Kids learn by watching and listening to the adults around them and the things they conclude from those early years of observation will stick with them the rest of their lives.

I know that that sounds scary. It probably should because deciding to raise a child should be the biggest decision you can make, and if it's not, you may not be taking it seriously enough.

I also know that this is hard. And I have the greatest respect for people who truly understand this and decide to raise a tiny person anyway.

I'm also not trying to discourage you from becoming a parent. You may not be ready now, but that doesn't mean you can't be later. I personally would love to be a mom some day not I know that I have a lot of personal growth and healing I need to take care of first, to say nothing of the stabilization of my financial and career status.

The real question is what can you do to be a better parent, guardian, or even trusted adult to someone else's child (a really important and valid role and choice in itself!) later?

First off, you need to do some hard core introspection to figure out what traits and behaviors you have that might exhibit that would interfere in your ability to be a good parent. Maybe you're still emotionally immature. Maybe you're struggling with uncontrolled mental illness, chronic illness, or addiction. Maybe you've internalized some toxic ideas. Maybe you're still recovering from trauma or just now realizing that what you have even is trauma. None of these things makes you a bad person and none of them stops you from being capable to becoming a good parent. But, all of them can interfere with your ability to model healthy behaviors and coping skills to your child. Children learn through observation and, because their brains need the world to make sense and be predictable, they're going to interpret everytime you seem upset or lose your cool as being their fault. Young children aren't capable of going "mom is upset and snapped over something relatively trivial, she must be having a bad day/be tired/etc" because that's an interpretation of the world that is outside their control. Instead, they're going to go "I did x and mom got mad at me, it's my fault so I better not do x again" and that's a really harmful mindset that can contribute to self-worth issues and other mental illnesses like anxiety, especially if this happens long-term (for the record, you're going to make mistakes and you're going to snap over stupid things because being a grown-up is hard, so when you inevitably make this mistake it's important to be honest and upfront with your child about what happened, why, how it's not their fault, and you have to genuinely apologize for it, turning your mistake into a chance to model good adult behavior).

It's important to take care of yourself and let yourself grow and heal before bringing a kid into the mix because 1. you'll be a better parent if you start out in a better place emotionally and mentally, and 2. because you deserve the chance to be healthy and happy and it's much harder to address the things that are interfering with that when your also trying to juggle the additional emotional/mental demands of raising a child.

Additionally, I definitely recommend making sure you and anyone else taking a primary caretaker role in your child's life is in a stable financial and that the relationship between you and any other caretakers is stable and amicable regardless of what kind of relationship it is. The financial aspect is important because kids are expensive as hell (both the having/acquiring and the raising) and you want to be able to provide then with the best possible shot at life.

This isn't about me but I feel like the example will be helpful. We weren't poverty level growing up, but even as a child it was clear to me that we could be. My parents were 20 year old newlyweds when they got pregnant. My dad had been set up to inherit a position in his father and grandfather's construction company and did not go to college because they thought he was guaranteed a steady job. My mom was paying for a college education she couldn't afford because no one had ever explained how to get financial aid and scholarships to her and her parents were too caught up in their own shit to be anything but relieved about getting to make her future my dad's problem. Then they got pregnant. They started building a house that took much longer to build then expected because that construction business dad was expecting to inherit went out of business because it turned out that a cousin had been embezzling and my great-grandmother wouldn't let them sue or press charges against family. Mom had to drop out of college to raise me because daycare costs as much as she makes at work and she no longer has the time or funds. They had a baby they weren't prepared to raise and my dad's new job had him working in the Texas heat all day before going and working on our house at night so that we could move out of my maternal grandfather's house now that he was getting divorced and couldn't afford it. My parents society never saw each other and they were constantly worried about money. Less than two years after I was born they accidentally got pregnant with my brother. He ended up with failure to thrive and (although he did eventually recover) it raked up a serious amount of debt in addition to my mom's student loans and the mortgage. Flash forward four more years and my dad falls through a roof at a construction site and permanently cripples his ankle. Cue a year of the only breadwinner in the household being unable to work, several surgeries and massive medical bills we can't pay. A year after that my mom has to have a historectomy because her fibroids are causing immense pain and then they find pre-cancerous cells. Another year after that she starts having unexplained siezures and signs of organ failure that will take years to diagnose as a rare autoimmune disorder that will leave her disabled and, again, rake up serious medical debt. I found out in college that it came to the point that we almost lost the house but as a kid I still always knew we were struggling. And that fucks with a kid's head. There were reasons I didn't tell my parents that something was wrong for a week after I sprained my wrist when I was 10 and it wasn't just because I didn't want to sound like I was asking for attention (a phobia that also comes from having emotionally immature parents). I pushed myself ridiculously hard in school because I knew I couldn't expect any help paying for college from my parents. I still feel incredibly guilty anytime I spend more than 20 dollars even though it's my money and I need groceries or textbooks or gas or whatever. A lot of these issues would have been financially difficult and unpredictable, but had my parents been in a more stable position when they got married and started having kids, it would have been much easier to weather the storms.

Additionally, money is the main thing couples fight about, so if you can take that off the table as a significant concern before bringing kids into the mix, please do. Maslow's hierarchy of needs states that you can't address higher order concerns like personal growth of your worried about where your next meal is coming from and that goes for your children as well.

Again, I'm not trying to shame people for their financial difficulties. Most of us are playing at a game we were never intended to win and I get that not all children are planned. But, your good intentions unfortunately will not put food on the table or pay the rent and your children will have a lot less stress in their lives if you are able to make sure that things are as stable as possible before you bring them into it.

The same goes for your relationship with fellow caretakers. Don't try to have kids to save your relationship. Don't ever make your children feel like your relationship is in anyway their responsibility. Again, they need their world to make sense and if you're fighting they're probably going to assume it's somehow their fault. Don't do that to them.

Anyway, this rant turned out a lot longer than I intended but I think I needed to say it. In summary, raising children is not about you but your going to make it about you unless you take care of your own shit first. Children don't ask to be born. If you're not ready for that responsibility, either don't have kids or put in the work so that you will be. If you already have kids, and don't have your shit together, there's still time but it's going to be harder and you might have to do some damage control from any traumas you may have already inflicted on your child, regardless of your intentions. If that's the case, you have a responsibility to get your kid the help they need and do everything in your power to avoid further harm. You're the adult in this situation, and if you're going to be a parent, you need to act like it.

[sdvvillagers]

How would the different villagers spend their time in self-isolation/social distancing/lockdown?

I’ve placed the answer below a cut, not only because it’s a bit long, but also to make it easily skippable.  For some, this is a subject that brings about anxiety and discomfort, whereas for others, talking about it and thinking about it in terms of a fantasy world is soothing and reassuring.  That being said, I hope you all are happy, healthy, and safe right now.

Mayor Lewis is a bit overwhelmed by all of this, he’s never really had to deal with anything of this scope before and he’s not entirely certain how to handle it.  He relies on Doctor Harvey’s help a lot for guidance on what is recommended in terms of social distancing, emergency measures, etc.  Whatever Doctor Harvey recommends is what he goes with and he tries to help as much as possible to carry out the orders.  He works closely with local business-owners to provide assistance for merchants who aren’t receiving business (such as Clint, Robin, Marnie, etc.) or to provide resources to those who ARE receiving business and are in need of a flow of supplies (Gus, Pierre, Doctor Harvey).

Doctor Harvey, of course, is the most affected.  He’s placed strict social distancing measures in place with the help of Mayor Lewis and has taken every precautionary measure necessary to keep everyone safe.  He’s worked round the clock to prepare himself, his clinic, and his patients and to ensure that there is enough supplies at his disposal to keep everyone healthy.  He is especially mindful of Vincent, Jas, Evelyn, and George and helps them all maintain social distancing as much as possible.  He speaks with Alex, Marnie, and Shane about the importance of keeping them safe and secluded, the importance of proper hand-washing, the importance of following the social distance orders, and the important tasks they face as caregivers to Vincent, Jas, Evelyn, and George as younger/older members of the community.  To further maintain social distancing and to keep her safe, Harvey puts Maru on temporary leave from the clinic and he runs it all himself.  It’s incredible amounts of work and stress to run the clinic alone during all of this, but he feels it’s for the best.  No sense in putting Maru in jeopardy when he’s capable of taking care of everything himself.

Gus is busy, busy, busy!  He had offered delivery of his food to villagers stuck at home and WOW have the villagers been taking him up on his offer.  Gus stays behind in the kitchen to cook basically non-stop while Emily runs around town making food deliveries.  Both Emily and Gus are happy to do it, though, it brings them joy to know that they can provide hot meals to the community in this time of crisis.

With Emily gone so much working in the saloon, Haley mostly has full reign of the house.  She misses taking shopping trips into the city or walking around town just to people-watch.  Being stuck at home is incredibly boring and every so often, she’ll sneak out into the forest with her camera just to take some pictures and get some fresh air.

At Pierre’s store, business is booming.  As villagers stock up on essentials and grocery items, Pierre is very busy to keep up with demand and keep the shelves stocked for the community.  Caroline is quick to help with the extra work, mostly to cope with her boredom.  She’s very social and desperately misses time spent gossiping with her friends in town square so at least working in the shop helps pass the time.  In her free time, she’s primarily on the phone, usually with either Jodi or Marnie.  Abigail is placed in charge of grocery delivery, a new service Pierre has offered in light of the current situation.  Abigail basically spends her day running back and forth to the homes in town to deliver the orders while Pierre and Caroline stock the shelves and fill the orders.  When Abigail DOES find herself with downtime, she locks herself in her room to play video games to escape.

George and Evelyn were given strict instructions from Doctor Harvey to maintain social distancing and have been receiving grocery deliveries and food deliveries to their door to keep them safe.  Evelyn desperately misses her gardening and she hates to think of what the community gardens will look like when this is all over, but she understands the importance of staying safe.  George isn’t all that affected by it, most days are spent in social isolation anyway by choice, so now he’s at least glad that community events are all cancelled until further notice.  Alex goes a bit stir crazy, he misses going up to the spa in the mountains to work out or to the beach to hang out with Haley.  He occupies his time by keeping his grandmother company, he knows how hard this is on her.  They spend their days cooking together, playing card games, and he helps Evelyn care for George as much as possible.

Pam can tolerate it pretty well until nighttime.  Nighttime is when she would go to the saloon every night to drink and socialize and now that’s all over.  She doesn’t have too terribly many friends, but she did enjoy chit-chatting with Gus every night over a beer.  She purchased bottled beer to keep at home to at least not lose out on her nightly ritual, but it’s just not the same.  She receives judgmental stares from Penny and finds herself drinking less as a result, whether she likes it or not.  Penny busies herself by coming up with video lessons for the children and although she misses them terribly, she knows she has to be strong and keep a happy face on for them.  When she’s not teaching the children, she takes advantage of her spare time to read as much as possible.  She doesn’t have too terribly many books at home, she usually relies on the library which is now closed, but she makes do.

In the mountains, most of the household actually survives quite well.  This isn’t too terribly different for Sebastian, he usually locks himself in his room to work on his computer so that doesn’t change all that much.  The biggest issue is that Friday night pool at the saloon is no more and although it’s usually a high point of his week, he’s able to work something out with Abigail and Sam.  Instead, they play Friday night Solarian Chronicles over video chat, so he still gets to keep his Friday night ritual of hanging out with his friends.  Maru finds herself with more time than normal with Harvey placing her on leave, she’s okay with locking herself in her room to work on her robotics projects or to help her dad in the lab.  Demetrius is able to continue life as normal, his work in the lab continues and his outdoor research in the mountains is unaffected.  Robin, on the other hand, is very affected.  She’s a very social creature and misses her weekly workout group, misses visiting with people in town, and misses her work.  Mayor Lewis has assisted her financially due to lack of work, but she gets very stir-crazy stuck at home.

Jodi, Sam, and Vincent’s life gets difficult.  What little escape Jodi had while Sam was working and while Vincent was at school is now gone and she returns to full-time motherhood.  Vincent is very easily bored and in-need of stimulation and she has to get creative to come up with ways to keep him busy.  He misses Jas and Penny and needs lots of reassurance.  Sam helps out as much as he can, but even Sam is bouncing off the walls a bit being confined to the house.  He locks himself in his room a lot to play his guitar or talk to his friends on the phone.  If he’s still working at JojaMart, he’s out of the house a lot picking up extra shifts at Joja to keep up with demand.  If Kent is home, his main goal is just to make himself useful.  If Jodi needs dishes done, the rug vacuumed, or the groceries put away, he’s happy to help.  Anything to distract from the feeling of being cooped up and confined, it’s incredibly unsettling for him and he needs to keep himself occupied and useful or else he starts to feel uneasy.

Life at Marnie’s ranch isn’t too terribly different.  Of course the ranch isn’t receiving any business, but they are able to survive with assistance from the mayor.  Marnie pours all of her time and effort into her animals, having Jas assist her in the barns and coops to make sure the animals are cared for.  If Shane is working at Joja, he’s gone quite a bit with working.  If not, he’s incredibly miserable stuck at home.  He helps out in the coop when he can, but Marnie seems to have everything under control and doesn’t need him all that much.  He sulks in his room, unable to plaster a smile onto his face for morale.  He doesn’t want Jas to see him like this, so he stays locked away to sulk.

Life for Linus actually becomes a bit more serene.  It wasn’t often he would run into people but when he did, it was never usually a welcome interaction.  Now, with everyone remaining in their homes, he can finally enjoy the peace and quiet of the mountains all to himself.

Villagers who live alone like Clint, Willy, Elliot, and Leah, are very much affected.  They feel incredibly alone and feel the weight of the isolation.  Willy turns to fishing, Elliot turns to writing, Leah turns to her artwork, and Clint finds himself working on large projects that he’s always wanted to do, but never had the time.  Still, even all these projects and busywork isn’t quite enough to help pass the time and these four take the isolation period incredibly hard.

[strings-have-been-cut]

✩

The Ultimate Relationship Tag

See under the cut for the Hughniverse;;

Disagreements:

Who is more likely to raise their voice? Hugh (though not in an aggressive way).

Who threatens to leave but never actually does? Neither

Who actually keeps their word and leaves? Neither

Who trashes the house? Neither

Do either of them get physical? Nope

How often do they argue/disagree? Not very often, and it usually stems out of concern for the other.

Who is the first to apologise? Data - he usually apologizes right away.

Sex:

Who is on top? Physically, Hugh, but technically Data.

Who has the strangest desires? Data, but only because he will learn about something in his research and then be curious about it.

Any kinks? Nope.

Who’s dominant in bed? Neither

Is head ever in the equation? Yea sure

If so, who is better at performing it? Data is more enthusiastic

Ever had sex in public? Nope

Who moans the most? Hugh

Who leaves the most marks? Neither

Who screams the loudest? Neither

Who is the more experienced of the two? Data, but not by choice

Do they ‘fuck’ or ‘make love’? Make love, definitely

Rough or soft? s o f t

How long do they usually last? Data can last forever, actually

Is protection used? Nope

Does it ever get boring? Nope, it’s very wholesome, actually

Where is the strangest place they’d have sex? The bedroom haaa

Family:

Do your muses plan on having children/or have children? Data has always wanted more children, so he will likely bring it up.

If so, how many children do your muses want/have? At least one...although he loves babies, so he'll likely ask for more.

Who is the favorite parent? Both?!

Who is the authoritative parent? Data

Who is more likely to allow the children to have a day off school? Hugh

Who lets the children indulge in sweets and junk food when the other isn’t around? Hugh

Who turns up to extra curricular activities to support their children? Both!

Who goes to parent teacher interviews? Both!

Who changes the diapers? Both

Who gets up in the middle of the night to feed the baby? Data

Who spends the most time with the children? Hugh if only because Data is often working?

Who packs their lunch boxes? Data

Who gives their children ‘the talk’? Both

Who cleans up after the kids? Data

Who worries the most? Hugh

Who are the children more likely to learn their first swear word from? Lore Neither

Affection:

Who likes to cuddle? Hugh

Who is the little spoon? Hugh - although lying down is not big

Who gets naughty in the most inappropriate of places? Neither

Who struggles to keep their hands to themself? Hugh

How long can they cuddle until one becomes uncomfortable? F o r e v e r

Who gives the most kisses? Hugh

What is their favourite non-sexual activity? Talking at length about something entirely random that they're learned while the other one listens with heart eyes and asks pertinent questions.

Where is their favourite place to cuddle? The couch

Who is more likely to playfully grope the other? Hugh

How often do they get time to themselves? Not as often as they should

Sleeping:

Who snores? If both do, who snores the loudest? They don’t sleep!

Do they share a bed or sleep separately? They don’t sleep!

If they sleep together, do they cozy up together or lay far apart? They’d probably stay pretty close, but they don’t sleep!

Who talks in their sleep? Neither!

What do they wear to bed? Data does not wear pajamas, so if he isn’t in his uniform, he’s probably just naked.

Are either of your muses insomniacs? Neither one of them sleeps soooo

Can sleeping pills be found by the bedside? Nope

Do they wrap their limbs around each other or just lay side by side? Cuddles

Who wakes up with bed hair? Neither

Who wakes up first? Neither

Who prepares breakfast in bed for the other? When Hugh can eat, Data will attempt to prepare everything for him

What is their favourite sleeping position? They don’t sleep!

Who hogs the sheets? They don’t sleep!

Do they set an alarm each night? If Data ever does run his dream program, he has an internal chronometer that 

Can a television be found in their bedroom? There is a viewscreen

Who has nightmares? They both do, but Hugh’s are much worse.

Who has ridiculous dreams? Data...maybe also Hugh

Who sprawls out and takes up most of the bed? They don’t sleep!

Who makes the bed? Data does all the tidying.

What time is bedtime? Whenever Hugh needs to recharge.

Any routines/rituals before bed? Doing something quiet and calming

Who’s the grumpiest when they wake up? Hugh

Work:

Who is the busiest? Data’s job on the Enterprise is steady, but Hugh’s job is much more diplomatic and involves other people and lots of running around.

Who rakes in the highest income? Federation citizensss

Are any of your muses unemployed? Nope

Who takes the most sick days? Hugh

Who is more likely to turn up late to work? Hugh - Data is never late for anything

Who sucks up to their boss? Data

What are their jobs? Data works on the Enterprise and Hugh is a liason for the XBs, helping to rebuild their lives and help rehabilitate them. Later he is the director of the Artifact.

Who stresses the most? Hugh

Do your muses enjoy or despise their careers/occupations? Data loves his work on the Enterprise. Hugh’s job seems much more demanding, but it is important work, and he loves his XBs.

Are your muses financially stable? Federation citizensss

Home:

Who does the washing? Data

Who takes out the trash? Data

Who does the ironing? Data

Who does the cooking? No one lol

Who is more likely to burn the house down just trying? Data

Who is messier? Neither

Who leaves the toilet roll empty? Neither?!

Who leaves their dirty clothes on the floor? Neither

Who forgets to flush the toilet? Neither?!

Who is the prankster around the house? Hugh - and Data does not understand it at all

Who loses the car keys when it comes time to go somewhere? They don’t have cars!

Who mows the lawn? If they had a lawn, probably Data

Who answers the telephone? Either

Who does the vacuuming? Data

Who does the groceries? Neither

Who takes the longest to shower? Hugh - sonic

Who spends the most time in the bathroom? Hugh

Miscellaneous:

Is money a problem? Federation citizensss

How many cars do they own? None

Do they own their home or do they rent? Starships?!

Do they live near the coast or deep in the countryside? Space

Do they live in the city or in the country? Spaaaaaace

Do they enjoy their surroundings? Generally, yes?

What’s their song? TBD!

What do they do when they’re away from each other? They are often away from each other for work. They call each other and send each other messages.

Where did they first meet? On the Enterprise.

How did they first meet? The Enterprise found Hugh and healed him! Aaand then sent him back where he came from... 

Who spends the most money when out shopping? Data

Who’s more likely to flash their assets? Neither

Who finds it amusing when the other trips over? Hugh

Any mental issues? Hugh has severe PTSD and related anxiety. Data has undiagnosed GAD.

Who’s terrified of bugs? Hugh doesn’t love them.

Who kills the spiders around the house? Hugh takes them outside.

Their favourite place? Wherever they can see the stars together.

Who pays the bills? Neither

Do they have any fears for their future? Data is always uncertain about what will happen if he remains in Starfleet and Hugh continues his diplomatic work. The distance is difficult. 

Who’s more likely to surprise the other with a fancy dinner? Neither of them eats... But Data might set up a romantic date for them.

Who uses up all of the hot water? Neither

Who’s the tallest? Data

Who’s more likely to just randomly hop into the shower with the other? Neither

Who wanders around in their underwear? Data

Who sings the loudest when singing along to the radio? Hugh...or Data. Depends on the music.

What do they tease each other about? Data does not yet understand teasing as a form of affection so...not much.

Who is more likely to cringe at the other’s fashion sense at times? Neither - Data is never seen out of uniform

Do they have mutual friends? Some of the Enterprise crew

Who crushed first? Hugh

Any alcohol or substance related problems? Nope

Who is more likely to stumble home, drunk, at 3am? Neither

Who swears the most? Hugh

[studiopeachz]

Task Brainstorm & Research

What am I passionate about?

Food

Cultures

Traveling

Music

tattoos/illustrations/designs

art/painting/drawing

Mental health

Self discovering/acceptance/explorations/expressions

What do you wish more people understood?

I wish people understood more about the different forms of self expression through different ways such as art, design, fashion, literature, etc. 

I wish people understood more about human rights, or general personal choices without judgement

What do you feel strongly about?

I feel strongly about self love and acceptance because the factors of accepting ourselves can be hard but can make us flourish, and gives us opportunities to express how we feel 

What makes you feel good?

Art in different forms makes me feel good has it drives my curiosity to learn and dig deeper for meaningful things

Beauty and self acceptance, embracing our imperfections

Wise words/sayings that inspire and impact me and others in a positive way

What makes me unhappy?

As an empathetic person, I feel unhappy for the one who also feels unhappy or any certain unstable emotions.

Making mistakes also make me upset as it is hard to admit our own wrong doings

Stereotypes, because it gives us an invalid label to individuals which do not define us as a whole

I don’t like when people judge you right away without knowing you

If you could fix something, what would it be?

I would want to fix the past mistakes i have done, wishing i could of done better

I would of want to fix the moments that I wish i could of done or fulfilled which leads to present regrets

What would you like to see in the future?

I would like to see everyone in the world to be kinder, and more understanding towards each other as it gives opportunities to get to know individuals truly, without having to judge them right away.

I would also like to see people normalizing natural and imperfect things and different creations of forms of self expression without any judgement, but curiosity instead. 

What would you like to shine a light on?

I would like to raise awareness about the beauty of differences and self expression, even in peculiar artistic ways

What do you see that others don’t see?

As an optimistic person, I like to see the good in everything, therefore I have this willingness to listen and to understand situations, stories, and journeys of others.

I find the most imperfect things to be beautiful. 

Things about Gen Z

https://www.livingfacts.org/en/articles/2020/meet-gen-z 

https://danschawbel.com/blog/39-of-the-most-interesting-facts-about-generation-z/ 

Demographics

Gen Zers are also the most diverse generation. Research by the Center determined that nearly half (48%) of 6- to 21-year-old Gen Zers are racial or ethnic minorities, compared with 39% of Millennials in that age bracket in 2002 and more than double the percentage of early Baby Boomers in 1968.

Attitudes

In many instances, the youngest generation’s views follow Millennials’ social attitudes, and are in stark contrast to the oldest group, the Silent Generation, with Baby Boomers and Gen Xers falling in the middle.

For example, 70% of Gen Zers say government should do more to solve societal problems, rather than leaving it to businesses and individuals. By comparison, 64% of Millennials and only 39% of Silents say government should do more. Similarly, roughly 6 in 10 Gen Zers and Millennials say increasing racial and ethnic diversity is good for society, compared with about 4 in 10 Silents.

Gen Z’s as consumers 

55% of Gen Z would rather buy clothes online and 53% would rather buy books and electronics online. [JWT]

Their favorite items to spend money on are food and drink (36%), going out with friends (32%) and clothes (18%). [Visa]

66% want to own both houses and cars in their lifetimes. [Deep Focus]

Gen Z’s most used tech devices are the smartphone (15.4 hours/week), TV (13.2 hours/week) and a laptop (10.6 hours/week). [Vision Critical]

50% would look on their phone to look for a better price while shopping at a retail store. [Gen HQ]

63% are concerned when it comes to protecting their identity when paying with a debit or credit card online or in a retail store. [Gen HQ]

Gen Z values

76% are concerned about man’s impact on the planet. [JWT]

79% of display symptoms of emotional distress when kept away from their personal electronic devices. [University of Maryland]

90% would be upset if they had to give up their Internet connection while only 51% would give up eating out and 56% would give up downloading music. [JWT]

84% multitask with an Internet-connected device while watching TV. [Forrester Research]

They have more than 10 apps on their smartphone with 10% having more than 40. [Visa]

60% of Gen Zs say “a lot of money” is a sign of success. [Deep Focus]

What are some general Gen Z issues/behaviours/values: 

Social anxiety (mental health)

Racial equality

Gender identity

Self esteem

Political and social issues

Technology/ social media content

Personal beliefs and values in comparison to older generations 

Speaking up/inner voice

Stress response

Optimistic attitude “it is what it is”

Three Campaign Ideas relatable to Gen Z demographic In Aotearoa:

(self expression)

gender identity / fashion & style / art & design / illustration / ink / skin art - tattoos

(self acceptance & confidence)

Body Image & Positivity / cultural roots / growth / well-being / 

(cultural diversity)

Culture / tradition / ethnicity / foundation / 

Research Gen z with self expression, self acceptance, and cultural diversity

WHAT DOES SELF-EXPRESSION REALLY MEAN TO GEN Z?https://www.havaspeople.com/project/what-does-self-expression-really-mean-to-gen-z/ 

We always knew that Gen Z would be distinctive. They are the first true digital natives, and grew up during times of uncertainty (the wake of the last financial crisis and Brexit in the UK). But over the last year the identity of this generation has been further shaped in a profound way as some of their most formative years are taking place against the backdrop of a global pandemic, with the significant interruptions that has wrought to school, university, and early working lives, as well as social connections. Gen Z were on the precipice of progress when COVID hit “pause” on life. And yet many Gen Zers are emerging as resilient, energized, and eager to express themselves and have their voices heard.

Rinsta (real) and Finsta (fake) social media accounts, often to keep certain aspects of their life hidden from family, potential employers, and others outside of their close social circles). Yet – on the whole – they trust the technology brands and platforms themselves.

69% of Gen Z believe that brands should make their stance on social and political issues known publicly. I believe this is what Gen Z mean by brand authenticity. 

showing us that authenticity does not just mean having a clear point of view, but also using your clout as a brand to share and amplify the causes that matter to you. 

showing your own alignment with the purpose and intent of a brand. Gen Z see the brands who they follow, ‘like’, and buy as a personal reflection of them as individuals, which is why they are prepared to pay more for brands that they believe support sustainability. If that’s how profoundly Gen Zers believe the impact of their consumer choices can affect the way they express themselves, it stands to reason that this will cut even deeper with regard to career choices, which is one of the reasons

This seems an important aspect of self-expression. Gen Z share a willingness to discuss issues in an open reflective way, and to seek out different opinions, which is one reason social channels are increasingly viewed as credible sources of news. To give another example, Gen Z are more comfortable talking about mental health issues than previous generations. While this can be attributed in part to the overall rise in awareness and acceptance of mental health issues over the last fifteen years, it is a noticeable shift from previous generations.

https://extremereach.com/blog/for-gen-z-consumption-is-about-self-expression/ “Consumption for this generation is an expression of individual identity.”

“Some people are angry and resentful because they feel like their voice isn’t heard, so clothing is a space where they can be self-governed.”

They’re experiencing brands in every corner of their online life and so these same “brands need to beware this generation’s discernment because they have a bloodhound-like nose for inauthenticity.”

We’ve been more empowered than ever, so why are Gen-Z the least confident generation yet? https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/gen-z-least-confident-generation 

Indeed, statistics show that, instead of a defining feeling of hope among Gen Z, there is a groaning sense of pessimism - of hopelessness. Long running research from University College London, revealed earlier this year that depression levels are two-thirds higher than millennials. The study found 14.8 per cent of 14-year-olds in 2015 said they were depressed, compared to 9 per cent in 2005. While 14.4 per cent of young people said they had self-harmed, compared to 11.8 per cent a decade ago.

“I feel like Gen Z and millennials occupy a really interesting place in politics,” says Nogia, 20 “- we’ve only known austerity, we’ve only know casual work, we’ve only know life long sentences of debt for getting an education and we’re living in an age of populism and hatred in politics.”

So, is this having a detrimental effect on a generation’s mental health and personal confidence? Pretty much.

Youth Engagement Officer at YoungMinds, “Young people today have to navigate a huge range of pressures, from school or university stress, to worries over their career and housing prospects, to the rise of social media, which can make problems like bullying or body image issues more intense than they were in the past.”

Social media is - predictably - a major cause of generational anxiety. Not only is it connecting us to the world’s most depressing news stories, it is also connecting us to a plethora of airbrushed, Facetuned accounts making us feel terrible about ourselves. No wonder confidence is low.

Gen Z demands more diversity and inclusion from brands https://www.campaignlive.com/article/gen-z-demands-diversity-inclusion-brands/1705491 

Gen Zers made clear throughout the study that they want brands to step up their efforts around representation. For example, 76% of Gen Zers said they feel diversity and inclusion is an important topic for brands to address, compared to 72% of millennials, 63% of Gen Xers and 46% of Baby Boomers who felt the same.

“Consumers don't want to see brands making an effort to be inclusive just for means of publicity,” said Jenna Stearns, researcher at quantilope and lead on the report. “They want to see something that's authentic and consistent.”

But brands that resonate most with Gen Z consumers are consistent in their support of social justice. Target, for example, has been vocal around LGBTQIA awareness and Pride month for years, said Steph Rand, senior research consultant at quantilope. 

“These brands are rising to the top because they are sustaining and consistently making [these issues] a priority, either in their communications or around the content they produce,” Rand said.

Responses regarding representation also varied by race, gender and sexual orientation. Individuals responded they feel their gender is more represented in mainstream media (70% male; 66% female) and brand advertising (71% male; 68% female) than their sexual orientation or ethnicity.

In 2021, consumers hope to see more individuals with disabilities represented in advertising and media, as well as more authentic PR backed up by action.

Integrated Awareness Campaign Examples:

Self Expression Campaign example: https://www.lsnglobal.com/youth/article/24865/a-kombucha-campaign-that-celebrates-self-expression 

Los Angeles – Health-Ade Kombucha’s latest campaign targets a new generation of health-conscious drinkers.

The campaign, You Brew You, introduces the brand’s new flavour and packaging concepts, as well celebrating the popularisation of kombucha. Diverging from traditional drinks advertising, it features a series of young models in bright clothing with colourful, neon-lit backdrops.

While kombucha brands tend to communicate in a way that focuses on health, wellness and fitness activities such as yoga, Health-Ade Kombucha is on a mission to change the image of the beverage and target a new generation of digitally-native consumers.

As the younger generation look to the future and consider how drinking impacts their health, they are turning towards soft drinks with additional health benefits. For more, explore the insight section of our macrotrend Anxiety Rebellion.

Self love/acceptance Campaign Example: https://fredandfar.com/blogs/ff-blog/banksy-made-me-do-it-transforming-everyday-ads-into-self-love-campaigns 

This stunt can have multiple meanings, as Banksy often uses his art to comment on such structures as capitalism, power imbalances, and corruption. 

Wrapped up in the Banksy frenzy ourselves, we started questioning art and its subjective worth. What makes art valuable? What qualifies as art? In what way can art be used or manipulated to impact our everyday lives? We live in a world saturated by advertisements, media and marketing targeting and manipulating us to be passive consumers. Thinking about what we are subjected to daily by multimillion dollar companies is eye opening, as is Banksy’s take on copyright laws and advertising.

Banksy urges, “any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It's yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.”

So let’s take back the power. We got the ball rolling by taking some campaigns and slogans you might recognize, and turning them into campaigns for self love and acceptance.

Join us by creating your own better slogan and use the hashtag #banksymademedoit. What we need is more self love in the world. Let’s saturate the world with our mission.

Cultural Diversity Campaign Example: https://www.refuelagency.com/blog/examples-of-brands-who-got-multicultural-marketing-right/ 

Rihanna’s brand, Fenty, is all but synonymous with authentic inclusive marketing, created on the foundation that everyone woman is beautiful and should feel included. In 2017, Fenty Beauty launched 40 shades of foundation, and that has since grown to 50. Chaédria LaBouvier wrote in Allure that Fenty Beauty’s sheer number of foundation colors is “a statement that women of color deserve complex options”. 

Rihanna shared that, “It’s important to me that every woman feel included in this brand.” Once this campaign launched, it had a ripple effect called “The Fenty Effect”, a movement calling for brands to challenge the status quo in advertising.