#also please understand that i’m not condoning any of these beauty standards

[sapphiccyranodebergerac]

this is your reminder that every insecurity you have has been considered a part of the ideal body at one point in time.

like oh? you have broad shoulders? well the eighties LOVED that.

wide hips and love handles? ancient greece wants you!

ur the shape of a cardboard box from the front? well you’re the ideal 1920s socialite!

5’2 and built like a twig? 16th century eastern asia says ur a hottie

considered overweight by todays standards? you’d be perfectly in fashion by 17th century europe’s standards!

oh you have hip dips? nineteen fifties think you’re gorgeous.

excess stomach fat? ancient mesopotamia is QUAKING

[smol-and-grumpy]

EUPHORIA - Chapter 15

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: He’s Dean Winchester, owner of a shady night club. She’s a journalist who has been asked to write an article to expose the indecency and debauchery that’s going on behind closed doors. But he’s also Dean Winchester, the boy who sat next to her in class. The boy who was too cocky for his own good.

Chapter Warning: Angst mostly. Fluff, if you squint.

WC: 2710

A/N: This chapter fills my ‘crotchless underwear’ square for @spnkinkbingo​​​​​ Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Beta’d by @deanwanddamons​​​​​​​​​​​​ <3

This series is more than two weeks ahead on patreon!

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

Become a Patron ~ Buy me a coffee

Y/N’s piling her belongings into Dean’s car as Cas and Dean are both helping her move. It’s still early in the morning, and she doesn’t think that Cas has had any sleep at all. Dean had managed to sneak in a couple of hours because he left work earlier to spend the night with her. 

But Cas? She thinks that he came straight from work and he really didn’t have to, but Dean said that Cas insisted on helping and how could she say no to that? Rufus also said once that she should learn to accept help when it’s offered to her. She does — but it still needs a lot of getting used to.

They have to move in the morning as she has to go into work this afternoon, and Dean said that he has something too. Some family thing apparently, but she doesn’t really know, didn’t want to ask because she thinks that if he really wants to, he would tell her about it. She’s pretty chilled when it comes to private things like that, mainly because she doesn’t want to rush things with Dean. Y/N likes what they have now and she doesn’t like him forcing things on her and she gives him the same courtesy. 

When they are done, Cas leaves to go get some sleep and even though Dean asks if she wants to go grab lunch, she really has no time. She needs to go into work and actually she has a nice surprise for him in mind, if she can pull it off that is.

*

Y/N sits in the café, waiting for Jody Mills. There’s a bag of lingerie sitting next to her. She managed to go shopping before meeting Claire’s stepmother and she can’t wait for the meeting to be over so she can change into her newly bought lacy lingerie and show it to Dean. She gets excited just thinking about it. And that’s bad isn’t it? Y/N’s never been distracted from work but since she met Dean, he’s really the only thing that she can think about. Which is not good. Not good at all. But he makes her happy, so maybe she should hold on to that. Rufus wasn’t wrong.

She tries to calm down her heart and takes a sip from her coffee before staring at her phone on the table. There’s no message from Dean, but that’s okay because she knows that he’s busy. When she looks up again, Jody Mills is sitting across from her. Shocked by the appearance, she jumps a little in her seat and covers her mouth with her hand so as not to make a sound. 

How did the woman get here without her even noticing? She’s a fucking ninja for god’s sake!

“My god, you scared me,” She huffs out a breath but Jody doesn’t smile back. In fact, Y/N thinks that the woman looks really tired. There are dark circles beneath her eyes, and she looks older than she is. Is this because of Claire? Because Claire likes working for Dean instead of staying in college? She can’t help but pity the woman. She obviously has a hard time coming to terms with it.

“You’re Y/N?” The woman asks her, “I recognize you from the pictures.”

Y/N frowns. What pictures? She doesn’t remember ever sending Jody any pictures of her, so she asks, “What pictures?”

“Oh, you know, the one from the party? You were in his arms,” Mrs Mills scoffs. She’s less than hostile towards her, Y/N can feel it but she doesn’t really understand why.

“I—”

“—How much did he pay you not to write that article, huh? Did he use his charm to get you to bed? Did he promise you something for it?” Mrs Mills cuts in, doesn’t even give her time to explain.

“Mrs Mills—” Y/N tries again.

“—Please, call me Jody. Mrs. Mills makes me feel so old,” The woman waves her hand and leans back in her seat. 

“Right,” Y/N sighs and nods, “Jody. Would you like something to drink?”

Jody snorts, “No, thank you.” 

Y/N raises her eyebrows, “Alright,” She inhales and lets the words she wants to say fly around in her head while she tries to sort them together, “First of all, Dean Winchester has no way pressured or manipulated me into anything.”

“Huh,” Jody interrupts, “That’s what they all say. That’s what Claire said.”

“It’s the truth. If you know me, you would know what I’ve been through with my ex boyfriend. You’d know that I do not condone such behaviour towards me and I do not let anyone dictate my life.”

Jody watches her, her brows are furrowed, as if she tries to listen, but doesn’t quite believe what Y/N is saying.

She continues when the other woman doesn’t say anything, “I’ve talked to your daughter and I’ve watched her. Mr. Winchester has minimal contact with his employees, he does not tell them what to do and Claire told me that she loves her job on many occasions.”

“Oh, please,” Jody grimaces.

“It’s true,” Y/N says, and that brings me to another point on my agenda, “After what you’ve accused me of, and him, I don’t think I can go on with the article. I’m sorry about that.”

“What do you mean?” Jody’s getting loud.

“What I’m saying is, I have a feeling that you won’t care what I find out, you won’t care about the article because whatever I write, it’s not going to be up to your standards. Even if it’s the truth. I have a feeling that you don’t really want to hear the truth.”

Jody’s smirking, which Y/N thinks is really weird. Why is she smirking? “So, you stop because of me and not because it could be a conflict of interest?”

“Well,” Y/N sighs, “It could be a conflict of interest, you are right. But Mr. Winchester has made it very clear that he wouldn’t oppose me writing that article.”

The woman leans closer, hunches over the table, “Do you really think you’re the only one, Y/N? Do you think that as soon as you move out of there he won’t have another girl lined up to take your place, huh?”

Moving out? How does she know that Y/N was living with Dean? Before Y/N could ask she went on.

“Does he know about Cole, huh? Does he know about the tape?”

“What?” 

Y/N’s really irritated now. Nobody knows about the fucking tape!

“Oh, please, if you think that you’re the only one, you’re dumber than I thought you were,” Jody stands up and leaves without any explanation, without giving Y/N a chance to say anything at all.

*

She tries not to dwell on the meeting with Jody, which was a total disaster to put it mildly. Y/N really tries not to mind Jody’s words but somehow she can’t stop thinking about them. How did she know that she was with Dean? How did she know about Cole? She can’t quite shake off the feeling that something’s not right with the woman and somehow, she knows how Claire must feel. Claire must be happy to get away from her mother’s tight grip, get away and explore the world, give in to her demands and want to experience her life to the fullest. She doesn’t blame the girl. Not one bit.

At her apartment, she follows through with her plans. Because why not, she’s spent so much money already, it would be a shame to back out now. 

Because that’s what she does. She looks forward, not back. Like she once said to Dean, looking forward is the only way to go. 

She showers and dresses herself in her lingerie. She even bought suspender belts and stockings. It’s still simple though, black lace, not too little but it’s probably enough to incite someone. Only now did she realize that her panties are fucking crotchless. Ugh. She doesn’t know what came over her when she bought it, and hasn't looked at them properly. She hopes Dean’s going to like them. But again, she thinks that Dean likes everything she wears, at least he gives her the impression that he does. She probably doesn’t even have to try too hard but she’s feeling playful, and it’s going to be a first for her because unlike other times, she won’t be able to spend the night with him. Y/N plans to go home, sleep in her own apartment for the first time, because there’s a team meeting at 8am the next morning.

She calls for an Uber, because there’s no way that she’s taking public transport dressed like this and when the time comes, she slips her phone and cash into her coat, securing the rope tightly around her waist. 

*

She knocks on the door to Dean’s apartment. She can hear people talking inside, and then hears heels clicking on the floor. The clicking noises come closer before the door is swung wide open. 

Y/N stares into the face of a tall woman. Her hair is long and wavy, and very blonde. Her lips are cherry red, a wide smile decorated her face. The woman wears a yellow summer dress with high heels to accenture her long legs. She is — evidently — everything Y/N is not.

“Can I help you?” The very beautiful girl asks and Y/N gasps like a fish on land.

Can she help her? She doesn’t know, alright? 

“Jess? Who is it?” A voice calls out from the back that clearly belongs to Dean. 

The woman, Jess, is still looking at her and she thinks they are both frowning at each other now.

“Sorry, wrong door,” Is all Y/N can think of and, it’s completely idiotic, but she wants to get away as quick as possible. She doesn’t even wait for Dean to come to the door, because she hears his footsteps in the back. Y/N takes the elevator right down, is thankful that it was already up there, and she didn’t have to wait for that one. Because that would have been awkward and embarrassing at the same time, wouldn’t it? More embarrassing than she was already feeling. 

Inside the elevator, she leans her head back against the wall, closes her eyes and cursing herself for being so fucking dumb. 

Jody has gotten into her head. And the woman was right, wasn’t she?

How could Y/N even think that someone like Dean fucking Winchester would want her for longer than a couple of good fucks. Of course, now that she’s gone he can get the next girl into his apartment until he’s tired of that one, and there will be a next, and a next. 

God, she feels so fucking dumb. And she was the one who told Jody that she won’t let anyone stomp on her feelings and make her feel like Cole did. She was so fucking wrong about that, wasn’t she. Serves her fucking right. 

When the elevator stops and she steps out of it, she can already hear footsteps on the staircase but they’re still too high up above, so she slips out quietly and walks out into the back alley of the club. Making her way to the front, she tries to get away as fast as possible, at least as fast as her heels allow. She just wants to put the club behind her, wants to walk to the next corner and hire a cab from there. It should be safer than doing it here, Dean could come out and honestly, she doesn’t want to see him or listen to his sorry excuses. He doesn’t even have to explain it to her. They’re not anything if she remembers correctly, so it’s not even his fault. Neither is it hers. The only fault she can find is that she thought they were something when they were clearly not in his eyes. And that’s not even on him. It’s all on her.

“Y/N!” 

Oh, here it comes. 

She pulls her chin to her chest, ducks her head and tries to zone out, tries to walk faster too, can’t exactly run in those fucking stupid heels, dammit ! 

“For fuck’s sake, Y/N, wait!” Dean’s faster on his heels and he’s fucking running. She’s sure that he doesn’t even have to run to keep up with her because his legs are so long and her’s aren’t. 

She makes it around the corner and there’s the front entrance of the club and she has nowhere to fucking hide. The security guy sitting in the front eyes her up, and she wonders if Dean’s going to call out for him to help stop her. 

But Dean doesn’t because he’s caught up with her by the time she’s standing right in front of the club’s entrance. He grabs her by her shoulder, making her spin around to see him breathing heavily. There’s sweat forming on his forehead and she doesn’t want to look at him too long, so she looks away and down to her toes. There’s no running away, she guesses. The only thing she can do now is to face him. She sticks both her hands into the pocket of her coat, her gaze trained on her toes and on Dean’s shiny dress shoes. 

He braces both his hands on his knees to recover from the run and he’s breathing hard. His sweaty body produces an odor that mixes with his cologne, and it’s clouding her fucking mind. It’s not really fucking fair.

“Fuck,” He hisses, “I’m too old for this shit,” 

“I didn’t tell you to run after me,” She snaps, and Dean looks at her with a steely gaze. 

What? She really didn’t? Dean’s still staring. Maybe she should be intimidated but she’s really not. Maybe it would work on someone else, but it doesn’t work on her.

“Why did you leave?” He asks as soon as he catches his breath and places his hand on both her shoulders, lowering his face to be on level with her. His smell is fucking with her mind. 

She frowns, “Why did I leave? You ask me why I left?”

“Duh!” 

He says it like he really doesn’t understand and she lets out a frustrating sound that comes from the depths of her throat.

Dean just looks at her perplexed and the crease between his eyebrows deepen. 

“I don’t need this,” She hisses and turns around but Dean’s hand tugs her back.

“Come on,” He begins to walk to the entrance and pulls her with him. However, she manages to get out of his grip.

“Why do I have to go in there?” 

“Jesus fucking Christ, Y/N, I’m not arguing with you on the fucking street!” Dean’s getting loud and she’s getting annoyed.

“There’s nothing to argue about, Dean. I think I’ve seen enough.”

He takes a couple of steps towards her, leans down and places his hand on the back of her neck, draws her closer. “Fucking Christ, baby, listen alright? The woman is Jess, my future sister in law. She and Sam came around after we had lunch where they announced their engagement. Okay?” 

Oh.

She feels even dumber than before if that’s even possible.

“I was in the bathroom when you knocked. So, please get inside, you can be mad at me all you want in there, okay?” 

Y/N gnaws on her bottom lip. Dean’s explanation sounds plausible but she just doesn’t know if she can trust it.

Before she can say anything Dean kisses her, hard and rough and it’s the same way she feels, and that’s totally not fair because she turns to putty in his hands. 

“Why do you care?” She mumbles, a little out of breath when he parts.

“Goddammit, don’t you see that all I fucking care about is you?” His voice is not loud, it’s smooth, it’s almost whiny, “Please let's go in, and I’ll explain.”

Reluctantly, she lets him, lets him pull her inside and the security guard opens the door for them with a courtesy nod to Dean.

Chapter 16

[period-dramallama]

Spanish Princess Episode 5: many many thoughts

Strap yo selves in 

-WHERE WAS THE APOLOGY?? Lina’s just back with Catherine like nothing happened?? 

-Katherine, I get why you’re upset, but you kind of should be unsurprised?? Your dad was unfaithful to his wife, most kings were. Henry VII and Richard III were the exceptions, and even they had illegitimate sons before their marriages. Many kings also had official mistresses that everyone knew about, so by the standards of the time Henry and Bessie are actually being pretty tactful in at least trying to keep their affair out of sight. (Sexy dancing aside). 

-Honestly it would have been so much more moving if KoA was like “I know kings take mistresses...but I thought...I was so sure... he would be different...”

-”they gave me a purse of gold!” It’s expected that you give the monarch lavish presents, lmao Ursula and Stafford would do that even if they hated each other and you

-”everybody loves a masque” the only sensible thing Henry has said so far in this show. Also court probably had way more masques than we see in the show, and it would standard to have a masque every holiday. 

-”she is not a boy” hurry up with your character development and learn to love Mary already i am so TIRED of this miserable BS

-seems a rather depopulated masque? If the Chateau Vert pageant is anything to go by putting on a masque was a court activity, with most of the ladies performing.  

-Bessie Blount in her cute masque costume... sweet mother i cannot weave Aphrodite has overcome me with GAAAAAAAAAAAAY

-”I never enjoyed carousing...my mother scolded me” look i love the Neville sisters with my whole heart but a) Margaret was 3 at most when her mother died, how does she remember her? She’d have clearer memories of her double-uncle and double-aunt, Richard III and Queen Anne b) Isabel Neville in the White Queen was established as very prim and proper, a well-bred girl who cared about enforcing decorum, she refused to ‘carouse’ and she certainly would never bring a 3 year old to a party c) we saw little Margaret as a girl at the end of the White Queen and she didn’t seem at all shy. 

-”she died young, didn’t she” ...yes? most people did?

-”they both did” understatement of the year. Isabel Neville died young because she was ill, George died young (in the universe of The White Queen, at least) BECAUSE HE WAS FORCEFULLY DROWNED IN A VAT OF MALMSEY WINE. THESE TWO THINGS ARE NOT THE SAME! I do at least trust the writers of this show that the understatement was intentional, I’m sure even Emma Frost couldn’t forget a major character getting violently drowned.

-So the court only noticed the plague when one of their own got it so obviously and then died? Yes, plague could move fast, but if there was a whiff of plague the court would flee with the speed of the Looney Tunes road runner. If an acquaintance of an acquaintance of a cook had a cousin who saw someone with the plague, the court would flee to the country. How have these people not died of terminal stupid?! Like Compton was in the same building as the heir to the throne

-To be fair, it makes sense that they’re surprised Compton’s dead. Because the real Compton died of the sweating sickness. In 1528. Also he was involved in Buckingham’s downfall so... you just wrote yourself into a corner.

-Oh wow an actual good reason for More and Pole to be quarantined together i am amaaaaaazed

-”attend the queen” Boleyn, what do you think your daughter’s been doing all season if not attending the queen? Playing tetris?

-Katherine helping Anne into the wagon...I actually like that little moment. Like it does make sense, because the two have no reason to hate each other yet. (And who couldn’t like Anne? She’s such a babby!)

-Thomas More in the Tudor equivalent of casual clothes... much better. Shame about the 1930s lady’s wig.

-”what else should we do?” Maggie, this cannot be the first epidemic you’ve ever lived through. Have you forgotten the sweating sickness of 1485? You’ve probably lived through more epidemics than Oviedo has, you should know the protocol better than him.

-Oviedo continues to be the only man with rights. I wish we could see him crying and missing his wife and babies, but then my lil heart would break so maybe it’s for the best.

-They burn Maggie’s weird blue hood AS THEY SHOULD! IT WAS UGLY AND STUPID! I NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AT IT AGAIN NOW! THANK YOU SO MUCH! yes they also burned her nice dress with the strawberries on it but honestly it’s worth it, bc now i can rest easy, knowing the evil hood has been defeated.

-”you were a plaything” Katherine is so obviously insecure. I’m getting second-hand embarrassment. Like if she really was certain Bessie wasn’t important, she wouldn’t need to say it, would she? Except to rub it in. Which this KOA would absolutely do. 

-literally all Bessie said was good morning?? Like Bessie is doing her best?? The masque was Henry’s idea, not hers, she hasn’t shown off about her affair, she hasn’t demanded money or titles, she hasn’t demanded any status to rival Katherine’s, she doesn’t flirt with or even speak to Henry when Katherine’s around, she acts like they’re strangers, she doesn’t even react when Katherine loses her temper...someone please please stick up for Bessie!

-”the rocking of the cart is unsettling to the stomach” is Anne naive, or is she covering for Bessie? I hope it’s the latter, in which case Anne is the one person looking out for Bessie...the babby is Soft, I repeat the babby is Soft!

-the irony of Mary being cold to Bessie when she’s next in the firing line...

-”it is not the rocking” Thank you Lina, where would we be without your gift for stating the obvious?

-”where did Wolsey get his money”...He’s a churchman...at the top of the church hierarchy...how do you fuckin think he got wealthy. Have y’all not been in the sixteenth century for five minutes? Why do you think Luther is so mad at the church?

-”I know of no other man in her bed most nights” Honestly wow I’m surprised KoA wasn’t like “well :/ a girl like that :/ who knows how many men process in and out of her bed :/” KoA gets half a point for being less bitchy than usual. Also Bessie looked so uncomfortable with Henry groping her stomach in front of Katherine. I pray the next man in her life treats her right and that Fraham don’t prematurely kill her off like they did with Compton.  

-”the future king” if you’re regent on his behalf, then he’s already king! “Civilised companionship” back at it again with the Scots-are-barbarians.

-Laura Carmichael is utterly stunning this episode, with her hair down. The cinematography was beautiful in general this week.

-”freedom to speak and licence to speak are two different things” hey look at that one of Thomas More’s actual beliefs. I am giving all the credit to the historical advisor for that, I don’t believe for one second Fraham knew that beforehand.

-Maggie I love you but no, God does not sanction adultery. For any reason. 

-KOA smirking and gloating about Bessie’s pain...she has never been so punchable. I would understand, if not condone it, if Bessie was manipulative, or greedy, or ambitious, or trying to supplant Katherine. But Bessie’s been betrayed by Henry too, and there’s no concrete evidence she ever gloated about her affair, to anyone let alone Katherine.  

-”You think only of your own fate while London is struck down with plague” Earth to Katherine?? What concern have you shown for the Londoners?? Also calling Bessie selfish...Bessie’s not the one who lashed out at Lina, was jealous at Lina for having twin boys, and who wanted to continue a war for personal reasons. And then Bessie proves KoA wrong 5 hot seconds later by sticking up for Mary. Bit rich of KoA to be all “how dare you leave my daughter unattended” when she herself won’t even hold Mary. 

-”Louis didn’t last a year” What! Is! The Timeline!

-Meg in that cloak reminds me of the Scottish Widow adverts. Georgie is so greedy- she steals every single scene she is in! Even when she’s raging she has more dignity and more presence than KoA ever has.

-”YOU LYING SOD” i burst out laughing it’s really not the little two-timing shit’s day, is it?

-Mary receiving Charlie B in the most Extra way possible. A++

-Why does Wolsey look like he’s about to cry?

-”thoughts are not actions” Lina I love you but... that is NOT what the New Testament says. Jesus said evil thoughts are very very much sins. I’ll give you a pass because maybe you haven’t been Catholic as long as Katherine has? Idk your backstory.

-Aaand now she’s wishing death on Bessie and her unborn baby and Lina isn’t disgusted? At least Katherine is feeling guilty. AS SHE SHOULD.

-”must it always fall to me to be magnanimous?” Katherine, you think only of yourself, for 23 out of every 24 hours. 

-”God wants me to be compassionate to Bessie because of my sins” God wants you to be compassionate because that’s how Christianity is supposed to work. It’s not very selfless of you to decide to be selfless so that you can get what you want. 

-oh wow look at that! She’s getting some self-awareness, i never saw that coming.

-”you betrayed Bessie” 5 points to Katherine of Aragon for standing up for Bessie when Henry screwed her over. Finally, some positive character development.

- MINUS 20000 POINTS FOR BABY STEALING

-WHAT THE FUCK

-is henry so dumb he thinks that baby is Katherine’s? Katherine was so obviously not pregnant

-When a baby’s born his skin needs to touch his mother’s skin so they can bond. They should have at least an hour’s cuddle time. Katherine of Aragon is literally traumatising a baby the very minute he is born. For her own selfish, selfish desires. 

[the-secret-life-of-bi]

A Single Pale Rose - some thoughts

Alright, buckle up, because I just finished school and I finally have the time to write all of my thoughts and feelings about the information we got in the latest Steven Universe episode. I mean ALL of them. There may be a spoiler from some leaks in here, so consider yourself warned. Here we go:

For starters, let’s talk Rose.

So first of all, I have to say, if you have reverted to referring to Rose as Pink Diamond in every context, I think that’s very wrong. Rose is the identity she chose, and that is how she wanted to be known. If you meet someone who introduces themselves one way, and you find out years down the line that this person had transitioned from one identity to this new identity before meeting you, why on Earth would you begin referring to them as the old identity’s name? That seems wrong to me, especially on a show that is so overtly LGBTQ+ friendly. I’m not saying that the complexities of the situation aren’t problematic, just don’t dead-name Rose when referring to her in situations where she was, in fact, Rose. That makes you a jerk, imo. I do occasionally find that referring to her pre-shattering as PD is sometimes necessary for clarity reasons, but as fans of such a progressive show, we must be respectful of the way we treat other people’s identities.

This leads the way to my next point pretty clearly. Everyone is dumbfounded how PD could have kept up her her Rose Quartz form for so long. Some have speculated that it’s because she is a Diamond and therefore strong enough, but I think it’s simpler than that. We all know that keeping a fusion together can be taxing, especially when it’s not stable, but Garnet exists almost exclusively as a fusion with very little difficulty (accept during the most trying of times). What if it’s the same for shape shifting? Trying to maintain the form of something you’re not is difficult and can have serious consequences. Since Rose was her true identity, though, keeping her Rose form might have been as easy as keeping her original PD form. 

From here, I want to talk about PD’s motivations to take on the identity of Rose Quartz. A lot of people say that she was selfish and merely wanted to escape her responsibilities. They feel that her tactics only prove that she is truly evil. A lot of people feel that because she was a Diamond, she was able to do what she wanted, and was not oppressed by the system they way that a Rose Quartz soldier would be. This is true, to an extent. Under the Diamond Authority, Diamonds do hold the power and are not in any way under the same subjugation as all other gems and colony planets. That being said, we need to remember that power structures like this often also negatively impact the ones who are in power. For example, the patriarchy is rather oppressive of most non-cismale identities. However, cismen also face oppression at the hands of the patriarchy: their emotions are often forcibly stunted by others when they are young, they are expected to be  both physically and mentally strong in every situation, and their standards of beauty are equally as demanding as those for women. I am not claiming that men suffer more, or even as much, under the patriarchy, just that they do suffer. And as such, PD suffered under the Diamond Authority. She originally wanted a colony and to be like the other Diamonds. Once she got it and understood what it truly meant to colonize something, she realized that she didn’t want that at all. She wanted to be her own gem, she wanted to allow others the same freedom, and she wanted to allow the Earth to survive. However, under Diamond Authority expectations, she could not do this. She had to defy the Diamond Authority as much as any other gem would in order to do what she did, even if it seems like it was easier for her to do so as a Diamond. She used questionable tactics such as manipulation and deceit, but no one ever said war was honest. I’m not condoning the way she handled things or saying she needs to be forgiven. But those condemning her as evil need to consider what she tried to do. Her heart was in the right place, and as a person (well, gem) of privilege, she realized she had the ability to do something and she did it. That is commendable. The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and Rose hurt a lot of people, but she did what she thought was right in the only way she knew how. That is not an evil person (or gem).

Now, onto Pearl.

Poor, sweet Pearl. This is the most heartbreaking part of this story. Where to begin?

Knowing what we know, can we truly consider Pearl her own gem? She is a Pearl after all, a servant with the predisposition of being ultimately loyal to the gem to whom she is assigned. Therefore, when Rose asked Pearl to “shatter” her, could she really have said no? Could Pearl have said no to anything that Rose asked her? I don’t know. I truly do not know, and this is where I have the biggest issue with what Rose did. It is impossible to tell whether Pearl had actual freedom in this situation, at least at this point, and so I do feel that Rose took advantage of her to an extent. Even if she had already given Pearl her freedom, it was clear that Pearl was still in love with her, so I feel that she at least took advantage of her affection, even if she didn’t take advantage of her superior position by giving her a direct Diamond order to aid the rebellion.

This begs the questions, did Rose actually care about Pearl? I think yes. Rebecca Sugar states that using “my” in front of a gem’s name is a term of endearment or respect, and in “Rose’s Scabbard,” we hear Rose refer to Pearl as “my Pearl”. I think she did care about Pearl, and she did want Pearl to be free to do as she pleased. I think that it was hard for Pearl to let go of her programming to obey Rose’s wishes though, even if she was technically free, and that muddles up all of the intentions in their relationship.

What about Garnet?

Of course, we know that Sapphire is going to struggle with this, and rightfully so. She was a high ranking gem and because of this war, she lost her status, her way of life, and her home. Ruby also lost her way of life and her home, though because she was low ranking, she wasn’t losing much there. I can’t say I blame either of them for being upset. Yes, they wouldn’t have met without the war, and ultimately the freedom they’ve both gained is better than any status they held or could have held on Homeworld. That said, I can imagine it’s confusing and hurtful that the person who told them to accept themselves appears not to have been able to accept herself, either. But in all honesty, I feel like they’ll realize that Rose wanted them to accept what they could be, which she absolutely embraced.

Ultimately, I feel that Ruby feels so lucky to know Sapphire that, even though she feels hurt and betrayed by Rose too, she would rather feel hurt and have Sapphire in her life than never have met her at all. And I think Ruby will help Sapphire to realize that too. Then they get married...?

...and Bismuth?

This will be tricky. If you’ve seen the leaks, she obviously comes back. I don’t know how they will convince her not to go on a homicidal rampage when she finds out the person she most trusted was actually the person she was hellbent on destroying, but they are obviously going to figure it out. Maybe she never really trusted Rose after she was poofed and bubbled the first time, so this won’t seem like so much of a deception? Or maybe, she’ll realize that Steven is not Rose, like everyone else has, and she will spend time with him coping with the information, and do her best to help him set things right. After all, I’m sure she realizes that this is not his fault, even if he has his mother’s gem.

Other gems?

Since the mystery of PD has been solved (at least partially), it seems like the next logical plot point to address would be corruption. And you know what that means? Jasper. Yep, Jasper. Poor gem, she was created for a Diamond that she loved, and that Diamond was also the person she hated most (similar to Bismuth’s predicament, but I think its worse because she was created to do what she did instead of choosing it for herself like Bismuth). Not only will she have to cope with healing from corruption, but she’ll also have to deal with all of those conflicting emotions. I have no clear ideas on how that will go at this time, but I do know I’m very interested in a redemption arc for her now more than ever, and I was always a big proponent. This plot twist makes her 100% an empathetic character, and she deserves a chance to stop hating herself for how and why she was created.

The Diamonds - how will they react when they find out? Relief, confusion, sadness, anger, forgiveness? A combination? Again, the leaks seem to indicate that they don’t destroy the Crystal Gems, and that they reach an understanding, but HOW??!!?! How will Steven prove that his mom was, and he is, technically PD? And what about White Diamond? Will we meet her this season, as a result of this revelation? Will the Diamonds help heal the corruption? That seems to make logical sense to me, but again, there’s too much left up to speculation at this point for me to even know where to start forming theories on this one. I guess we will just have to wait an see.

I don’t really know what to say about Amethyst. She’s kind of a wild card in this situation. I have no idea how she’ll react, but I have this hunch that she’ll be very concerned about Steven and how he’s handling it. She had no stake in the war, and she’s really only ever reaped the benefits of Rose’s choices by always being a free gem. She’ll have some issues with being lied to, sure, but those lies never hurt her or her way of life, really. They’ve been more of a benefit than anything. However, she’ll see how it is affecting her friends, and she’ll see how much more weight was just added to Steven’s shoulders, and I think she’s really going to step up and be there to help everyone sort through the troubles they are facing. She’s grown up a lot in the past couple of seasons, and I expect to see that play an important part in this story arc.

Finally, Steven.

Of all the people Rose’s lies hurt, Steven is hurt the most. He already struggles with his identity and with his mother’s wrongdoings, so let’s just throw all that painfully confusing shit into one pot and stir it up, shall we? I think this revelation is a relief in some ways, that his mother did not go against her morals and shatter anyone. But it’s almost worse (read, definitely worse) that she effectively started a whole war from both sides at once, so that all of the shatterings that ensued were technically her fault. And even when she tried to stop it, she only made matters worse by prompting the corruption attack, whether she originally knew it was a possibility or not. I’ll say again, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and I think Steven is learning that the hard way through this revelation. He’s coming to the very real realization that our parents are not always the heroes we paint them to be, even when they are literally war heroes of a sentient space rock species. He’s already grown so much, but I think this revelation will be pivotal in furthering his personal growth. I’m really excited to see how he makes amends for all of this, because we know he will, and I’m already proud of him for how he is going to do the right thing in this situation and try to help the people his mother hurt with her decisions.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, there you have it, my mad ravings. I mostly just needed to get those ideas of my chest, but feel free to reach out if you want to add something, have a question, or want to chat about it!

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If You Want to Look for the Truth, Examine the Lie.

I cannot say to you —your people shall be my people Your gods shall be my own

I try to hide from you, no —from myself

The horror that in their heyday

Your people sold my people

Your people gave away my land, my earth, my blood

Your kin bartered my heritage, my future

Can you forgive me, if I tell you

How often you who are so close to me

Seem alien, of the blood of those who sold my mother’s grave. (72)

 —Yasmin Zahran, from A Beggar at Dasmascus Gate

 This semester, I’m teaching a college course called “The Novel of the Global City” in a moment in which the concept of globality is increasingly associated with conflict and fragmentation. In class, we talk about populism, nativism, and the surge of hard ideological lines between peoples and places in periods of historical crisis. Yet, my students live in Queens, New York, officially the world’s most diverse place. They resist my portrait of the times. They believe adamantly in the possibility of a safe, multicultural coexistence. We turn together to literature to better understand the pressures we face, and perhaps for glimmers of hope.

This week, we are reading Teju Cole’s Open City. Cole’s protagonist, Julius, is an erudite Nigerian German psychiatrist on an intellectual quest for identity. On his journey, he finds himself in Brussels, deep in conversation with a multilingual Moroccan, Farouq, who works at a calling center, and happens to be a political philosopher. Cole deftly inserts Farouq into the narrative as a mouthpiece for views infrequently heard in elite intellectual circles in the Euro-U.S. empire, and makes the reader explicitly aware. Farouq says,

There’s always the expectation that the victimized Other is the one that covers the distance, that has the noble ideas; I disagree with this expectation. It’s an expectation that works sometimes…but only if your enemy is not a psychopath. You need an enemy with a capacity for shame. 

Farouq and his friend Khalil speak to Julius about the power of portrayal, how Middle Eastern dictators are only understood as such by the U.S. when they fly in the face of U.S. interests. They explain how the plight of Palestine can therefore only be read as fundamentalist. They claim that Hamas and Hezbollah, though their actions cannot be condoned, are doing the work of resistance against U.S.-Israeli imperialism. Julius, with whom presumably U.S.-American readers are invited to align themselves, avoids the lure of violence by “having no causes, by being magnificently isolated from loyalties”, and so performs the astonishment Cole expects of the reader. However, Julius’ internal monologue betrays an awareness that, as the American, he cannot dismiss Farouq outright, nor can he express agreement.

…I was pretending to feel an outrage greater than I actually felt. In the game, if it was a game, I was meant to be the outraged American, though what I felt more sorrow and less anger. Anger, and the semiserious use of a word like extremist, was easier to handle than sorrow.

 I could not help but think of Farouq and Julius while reading Yasmin Zahran’s novel, A Beggar at Dasmascus Gate, published by The Post-Apollo Press in 1995. An archeologist in Petra discovers the abandoned letters written between a mysterious Arab woman writer, Rayya, and Alex, her lover, an equally mysterious English architect who seemingly has no project. Obsessed, the archeologist loses himself in their story. Their love is passionate and poetic, but their philosophical and political commitments drive a toxic wedge between them. Rayya is described as a near-sorceress, a woman with a strange power over people. She is also deeply invested in the liberation of Palestine. Alex feels emotionally boxed out of her worlds due to her resistance to Western rationalism. He imposes upon her his supposedly more moderate political views. He lobs at her jealous accusations of a pan-Arab zealotry or ��professional Arabism”, and of being lost in a world of intuitive knowledges and fantasies that are below her intellectual stature. We watch as their political battles and histories demarcate the limits of intimacy. Romance devolves into games of manipulation, making and breaking illusions of safety, warping the potential for shared human connection into a mirror of political opposition.

Zahran side-steps cynicism by revealing that they are more than a writer and an architect. Neither are in Petra simply due to their adventurous natures. Both come with agendas and skills, and watch each other closely to gather information. Zahran opens the third part of the novel with the following: “If you want to look for the truth, examine the lie.” While increasingly enraged by Rayya’s insistence on Palestinian liberation, Alex has a dream in which a professor says to him:

'...If that dream of Arab unity is one day realized, it will become an immediate threat to our way of life and our standard of living. Just remember that raw materials will become expensive and scarce. Industrialization and improved agriculture will close the Arab World as a market for Western goods, especially British products. Strategically, we will be at their mercy, for they are at the crossroads of a shrinking world.' ...'We must buy time against this projected unification, which threatens our very existence, and the group of people that you must watch, split, harass and if necessary destroy are the Palestinians, for they, more than any other Arab people, need this unity for survival. Strike at Palestinians and you shatter the core of Arab unity. Please note that every Western power is aiming at the same target by different means.'...'Do not let us deceive ourselves: Arab unification is inevitable; all we can do is to delay its course, and it is here that our interests converge with those of the Israelis, for they are also buying time.'

In the recesses of the rationalist mind, the accusations of extremity know themselves to be manifestations of hegemony, a normalization of the longue durée of colonial violence and U.S. and European supremacy. Alex can never say outright that he recognizes Rayya’s plight, and eventually begins to lose his grip. Zahran pushes Alex aside as the British spy who bungled his mission, and allows Rayya to blossom, finally revealed as a spy for the PLO. However, for Rayya’s ideas to exist, she must be a character in a frame story, an occasionally unintelligible fantasist, held like Farouq at enough of a distance to express dangerous sentiments. A woman, she must also be beautiful, enticing. Two decades apart, Rayya and Farouq, or Zahran and Cole, must choose carefully when and whether to have the noble ideas of the victimized other, how to negotiate between self-victimization and accusations of extremism. 

In a world where our enemies, whomever we interpret our enemies to be, seem to be indeed psychopaths with no capacity for shame, to whom do we turn to salvage my students’ dream of harmonious cohabitation? How do we find solutions when we are unable untangle whose work is the work of resistance, and whose is the work of terror? What strategies are we forced to employ over and over again to give voice, even covertly, to the oppressed? 

 -Ashna Ali