#also peep the zero BA

[thatiranianphantom]

Okay, let’s say some things about promo!

*disclaimer, not an expert, not in the industry, could be wrong, etc.

Okay so let’s start with a few things:

~ RD has a significantly declining viewership, such that they are likely costing more money than they make

~ they eked out a last season for reasons that probably had a lot to do with latent profit and syndication as well as the huge cost of mounting a new show and already established contracts

~ the promos are consistently bad and have been for years, and rarely reflect the actual content of the show

Now. Considering this show hasn’t been afforded any extras for the last few years, up to and including a photoshoot for their last season, which indicates to me that the network does not want to spend more on this dead horse than they absolutely have to, I am going under what a think is a pretty safe assumption that the promo cut is outsourced. They don’t do it in house, it is likely farmed out to the cheapest place to do it. Which costs less, but it means it’s done by people with no knowledge of or connection to the show. That’s significant, because they likely have no idea what is going to turn the viewers away. It explains why the formula of how to promo well sounds simple but they keep whiffing it.

Promo’s job isn’t to reflect the show accurately, especially not on the CW. Promo’s job is to show enough action to pique your interest. The people cutting the promo very likely flip through the episode and look for any particularly salacious moments. A shot of the Cooper house just isn’t going to get people talking. They’re not looking for that. They’re looking for shots they can manipulate or cut in such a way that it looks exciting. That, to me, really explains the JT of the promo. Someone with zero RD knowledge cutting an episode that is likely almost entirely worldbuilding and exposition with whatever shots they can find or manipulate that look exciting.

Putting completely aside the fact that it looks quite dreamlike, putting aside the fact that Erinn has rarely been seen on set, let’s remember that promo is designed to manipulate. So whatever this promo or the full one shows, can we at least accept that we have a long and storied history of promos looking inflammatory and turning out to be nothing? And that goes for all shows. Just ask the EO shippers.

[dumdumsun]

And Dusk

A/N: It's family dinner time, babes!!

Warnings: none that I'm aware of

Word Count: 3629

—————————————

Chapter 12: Team Zero

Striding into the steam-clouded sauna where the two remaining Swedish assassins now silently relaxed, The Handler began an unprompted conversation in their language. “All the new age remedies out there, but nothing beats a good schvitz when it comes to stress,” As she sat on the bench, the two men carefully watched her. “My job can be stressful, sure. But I can’t imagine what it must be like for you boys.” She batted her eyelashes.

“Do we know you?” The Swede, who appeared to be the leader, questioned. The Handler kept her head turned forward as she stared down.

“No. But I know all about you,” Standing from the bench, she quietly chuckled and walked to the center of the sauna, the steam crawling its way up to her neck. “However, seems you’ve run into some problems on this job.”

“Just a snag.” He tilted his head.

“You lost your brother. I’d call that more than a snag.”

Snapping, the second Swede pushed off the wall and marched up to The Handler. Before he could get too close, he grunted when she grabbed hold of his manhood, freezing his steps. She watched as his mouth fell open in pain. “What if I can give you the location of the knife-hurling dolt responsible for blowing up your beloved brother?”

The first Swede tilted his head. “Who are you?”

“Somebody you’re going to want to know.” Her eyes never left the man she was assaulting. The second Swede finally found the breath within him to speak.

“Unharm my weiner.” He wheezed in English, The Handler kindly doing as he asked, a smile on her face. He sighed and stepped away as his brother held up the hand that had been twirling a knife the entire time.

“Go on.”

At his words, she turned to him. “I’ll give you the exact location of the one you’re looking for. Diego. The rest… I’ll leave up to your imaginations.”

“What’s in it for you?”

“Let’s just say that his little game of ‘Hide the Sausage’ with my daughter needs a swift end. I just have one request,” The Handler approached the first Swede, the two in close proximity now. He watched her every move. “Don’t hurt the little one with the cute socks… and the other with the face scars.”

Lifting his chin, he furrowed his brows. “We’ve already killed her.” He mumbled. She only chuckled in amusement, the two men stiffening at the realization that their target may not have been executed like they thought.

-------------------------------------------------

The clicking of Reginald and (Y/N)’s shoes against the marble floor echoed throughout the hallway they walked down. The young girl was desperately trying to keep up with her father’s long strides, her puppy in her arms and her heart beating out of her chest. If they had actually complied, she was going to reveal her true whereabouts for the past two years to her family. They were going to know that the entire time they had been looking for Reginald, she was living under the same roof as him. No matter how many times she swallowed the lump in her throat, it always swelled right back up. “D-Dad, who are these people we’re having dinner with?”

“These people have been nothing but a nuisance to me.”

Her mind flashed back to the night of the gala. Diego had been there with Five. They were there for Reginald, to find out his intentions with the president. To find out what he was doing in Dallas in the first place. Reginald was a secretive man, he didn’t even let Grace or (Y/N) into his office unless he was present as well. Her stomach twisted in knots of anxiety the closer they approached the door to the tiki lounge. When Reginald stopped just before the doors, he turned to his daughter and lowered his voice. “When we enter, you are to sit and remain silent. Do not speak to them, do not interact with them. Sit and shut your mouth unless I tell you otherwise. And your pet remains on the floor or in your lap. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir.” She whispered and held Mr Pennycrumb close to her chest, the pup quietly panting and licking her cheek. That seemed to be enough for Reginald, for he nodded and turned forward, slamming the door open and marching into the lounge.

The Hargreeves stood dumbfounded at their father as he headed straight to the table they surrounded, not a word leaving his mouth. None of them had expected to see him ever again, especially not after the funeral they had attended back in 2019. But what they really didn’t expect to see was (Y/N) right behind him, her eyes avoiding them as she absentmindedly pat Mr Pennycrumb under his chin. She especially avoided looking at Five, whose jaw was dropped upon her appearance. The real kick was when Reginald pulled out a chair and motioned for her to sit. Without even a peep, she sat down and allowed him to scoot her closer to the table before taking his own seat. The five blinked once before taking their own seats at the table.

“Not only have you burglarized my lab, set my chimp loose, conned your way into the Mexican consulate, repeatedly stalked and attacked not only me, but my daughter as well, but you have, on numerous occasions, called me-”

Klaus joined the table with a grunt, a martini in his hand. “Hey, Pop. How’s it hangin’?”

“-‘Dad’,” Reginald gave everyone a once over as (Y/N) shifted uncomfortably under the stares of her family. “My reconnaissance tells me you’re not CIA, not KGB, certainly not MI5, so… who are you?”

(Y/N) watched as they all glanced at each other, opening their mouths to answer, but quickly closing them instead. This went on for a few seconds before Five decided to do it, “We’re your children. We’re from the future. In 1989, you adopted us all and trained us to fight against the end of the world. Called us the Umbrella Academy.”

Reginald turned his head from left to right, frowning at each individual. “Why on earth would I adopt six-”

“Eight. One of us isn’t here.” Allison clasped her hands together on the table.

“Dead,” Diego muttered, his head bowed down. “One of us is dead.”

“And the eighth?” Reginald questioned. (Y/N) cleared her throat and began to speak, but stopped when he sent a cold glare her way. “What did we talk about?”

She quickly shook her head. “No, I… I’m the eighth. I’m also your child from the future. You just… got me very early this time-”

“(Y/N), it is not the time for your games-”

“It’s not a game! W-Why do you think I’ve been leaving my dates with Preston to be with them?” At the words ‘dates’ and ‘Preston’, Five leaned forward, eyes narrowed at his love. She glanced at him apologetically and shook her head. Reginald was just about to scold her yet again, but she rolled the sleeve of her shirt up to reveal the umbrella tattoo on her left arm. “Did you forget about this?”

“Yeah, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. Enough of that now.” Klaus hissed and turned behind him. Everyone froze and stared at him in confusion. Turning forward again, he simply motioned for Reginald to continue. Uneasy, he did just that.

“Regardless,” His gaze turned back to Five. “What would possess me to adopt… seven ill-mannered malcontents?”

“We all have special abilities.” The boy answered.

“Special? In what sense?”

(Y/N) set her pet on the ground and sat up in her seat. “In the superpowered sense.” She raised her brows. Reginald sighed and clenched his jaw.

“My child, if you do not stay out of this as we agreed, I am going to have to send you to the car with your mother-”

“Dad! I am being so serious when I tell you I am one of them!”

“Well, call me old-fashioned, but I’m a stickler for a pesky little thing called evidence,” He turned back to the table. “Show me. All of you.”

Allison scoffed and adjusted the straw in her drink. “Everybody wants to see powers all of a sudden…”

“We’re not circus animals, okay?” Luther spoke. “We’re not gonna bounce balls on our noses and clap our hands like seals for your amusement-”

As if on cue, Diego launched a knife across the table, zipping around Reginald’s head and pinning itself into the pillar behind him. The seven leaned in and watched as the man clicked his pen and began writing in his journal. “What are you writing?” Diego asked. Reginald glanced up at him.

“You are zero for two, young man.” He quipped, Allison sputtering her drink before Diego jumped up from his seat in anger. To prevent anything disastrous from occurring, Five stood and blinked in front of his brother, halting his movement and whispering a ‘stop!’ to him. “Now, that is interesting.” Reginald muttered.

Five sighed and headed back towards his seat. “Alright, uh, quick rundown. Luther: super strength. Klaus can commune with the dead. Allison can rumor anyone to do anything.”

“Except she never uses it.” Diego muttered. Allison removed her lips from her straw and sent a tight-lipped smile towards her brother.

“I heard a rumor… you punched yourself in the face.”

Against his will, Diego rammed his fist into his face, crying out and groaning in pain immediately after. Klaus reached over and tried to comfort him as (Y/N) and Vanya ducked their heads down to hide their smiles. Reginald glanced over at the latter. “And you?”

Luther placed a hand on his sister’s arm with a smile. “Uh, maybe we don’t take Vanya for a test run.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s probably not a good idea.” Klaus sat back in his chair.

“It’s fine,” Vanya shrugged, reaching for a fork. “I can handle it.” And despite her siblings’ protests, she tapped the fork against her glass. A high-pitched tone rang and shook the table. (Y/N) held her breath as she waited for the worst. A beat later, the bowl of fruit in the center of the table exploded, chunks of fruit splattering against everyone’s clothes and faces. (Y/N) tried to dodge as Mr Pennycrumb jumped into her lap, happily licking the food from her scarred cheeks and chin.

Reginald sighed along with his future children as he handed his only actual daughter a napkin to clean herself. Adjusting the cuffs of his sleeves, he side-eyed her. “Alright, my child, show me.”

Not even hesitating, (Y/N) stood and placed her pup in her father’s lap, despite his clear distaste, and straightened her clothes. “Alright. So, I can clone myself. To both summon and dismiss these clones, I have to sing two distinct three-note tunes.” To prove her point, she ‘ooh’ed her first tune, her clone appearing from her shadow, standing with a blank stare. Reginald raised his brows and began writing in his journal. “These clones not only share a conscience with me, but function as muscle and spies.”

“Spies?” Reginald frowned.

“They’re able to record their memories for me to look over in my own mind. Over the past year, I’ve come to learn that I can view these memories in real time. They also function to fulfill any task I command them.” Turning to her clone, she placed her hands on her hips. “Pick up Pennycrumb’s leash,” She commanded, the clone immediately doing as it was told. “I’ve also recently learned that I can give them the ability to talk. But if I wanted to… oh, I don’t know… attend a date with a certain boy without actually being there, I can project my consciousness into its body.”

After taking a seat, (Y/N) immediately slumped in her chair, unconscious. The clone beside her perked up and blinked twice before turning to Reginald. The man leaned forward to inspect it, but jumped back when it spoke. “But if something prevents my clones from fulfilling their task, they will start to self-destruct after twelve hours if said task isn’t completed. This is done by tearing into its own flesh and ripping itself apart.”

At this, everyone shivered.

“Right. It’s terrifying,” The clone returned to its blank and empty shell before (Y/N) raised her head. “And to dismiss, I hum the tune from earlier in its descending order.” She demonstrated said tune, the clone disappearing into her shadow. Mr Pennycrumb excitedly jumped from Reginald to her lap, nuzzling into her arm. “Any questions, Dad?”

Reginald was hastily scribbling into his journal. “Extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary… And even more so that you’ve managed to keep this power from me for over a year.” He whispered. Turning her head, she caught Five’s proud smile. She winked at him as Diego stood from his seat.

“Look, we know that you’re involved in a plot to assassinate the president.”

“You were recently hospitalized, isn’t that correct? You still appear to be suffering from delusions of grandeur and acute paranoia.”

“Am I?” Diego reached into his back pocket and slid a picture over to his father. “Explain this. That’s you. That’s two days from now on the grassy knoll at the exact spot the president’s gonna get shot.”

Reginald picked up the photo and scanned it before his eyes moved to his daughter, the girl slightly shrinking under his gaze. Receiving his answer to the question he was to ask her, he turned back to Diego and set the photo down. “Well… I suppose you’ve solved it. You’ve single-handedly unearth my nefarious plot,” The smile Diego wore slowly faded. “Is that what you want to hear? You fancy yourself a do-gooder? The last good man who will save us from our descent into corruption and conspiracy? This is a fantastic delusion.” The more Reginald tore into him, the lower Diego sat himself into his chair until his lips were quivering and a tear slid down his cheek. “The sad reality is that you’re a desperate man, tragically unaware of his own insignificance, desperately clinging to his own ineffectual reasoning. More succinctly, a man in over his head.”

“Y-Y-You’re wr… wrong.” Diego stuttered. (Y/N) shakily inhaled and slammed her hand onto the table, alerting the rest of her siblings.

“Don’t you ever talk to him like that!”

“And you!” Reginald whirled to his daughter, the girl flinching a bit. “You have done nothing but deceive me! I half expect you to tell me that the man you chose over Preston sits among us!”

(Y/N)’s gaze instantly found Five’s. His green orbs were pleading, begging her to say it.

Tell him. Tell him you love me. Shout it from the rooftops, promise that you’ll always believe in us. Tell him.

But she couldn’t. Not when her doubts sealed her lips shut and casted her eyes away from him. The siblings stared between the two, heartbroken for their situation. Seeing that she chose to be ashamed, Five nodded and cleared his throat to speak. “Look, forget about the president. We have a catastrophic war coming in five days. We need to figure out how to stop it.”

“War?” Reginald looked away from his daughter and to the boy across from him. “Men will always be at war with each other.”

“No, this isn’t just some war. I’m talking about a doomsday. The end of the world.”

��Well,” Reginald muttered after a beat of silence. “You’re the special ones, aren’t you? Why don’t you band together and do something about it?”

Expecting much, much more than that, all seven of them frowned. This was what Reginald wanted from the start, for them to come together as the Umbrella Academy and prevent the end of the world. But it had been almost two weeks and two apocalypses managed to form due to their actions. That was why they couldn’t.

Grunting, Klaus suddenly raised both his arms in the air and shook uncontrollably, choking out gasps and jerking his body. (Y/N) gasped and slowly reached out to him.

“Is he having a seizure?”

“Overdosing, probably…”

“Should we do something?”

Whipping her head to Luther, (Y/N) widened her eyes. “Yes!” She shouted before turning back to Klaus as he shuddered. “Shit, what if he is overdosing?!”

“Klaus,” Five leaned over and whispered. “Now is not the time. What are you doing?”

Gurgling, Klaus turned his body to Reginald, face contorted in discomfort. “I’m… Ben!” He gasped out before falling to the ground, panting and groaning. (Y/N) rushed to his side and placed a hand on his forehead.

“Klaus? Are you okay? Can you hear me?” She whispered as he reached up and weakly wrapped a hand around her wrist. Reginald looked from Klaus, to (Y/N), then to his journal before he gathered his things.

“Well… thank you for coming,” He stood from his chair and began to walk away, stepping over Klaus’s body. “I’ve seen about enough. Come along, (Y/N), your mother is waiting for us.”

A loud slam sounded, causing everyone in the room to turn to Luther, who stood and ripped his buttoned shirt open. (Y/N) covered her mouth when he revealed his discolored bare chest and abdomen. “Look at what you did to me! Look at it!”

As the siblings groaned and gawked, Reginald simply turned his attention to Five. “You in the culottes. A word, in private? (Y/N), to the car. This instant.”

“Yes, sir.” She whispered before giving Klaus a kiss on the forehead and standing to her feet. Five walked by her side in silence until they had to split ways. Reginald turned to the both of them, and just when (Y/N) was going to turn out of the lounge, Five grabbed her by the shoulders and pressed a kiss to her lips. Gasping, the girl brushed her fingertips over her lips as her face burned. She watched Reginald for a reaction, but he only motioned for her to leave. “Bye, Five.” She grinned behind her hand and hurried away.

“This way, boy.” Reginald brought Five’s attention back to him, leading the two of them to the bar. After they took their seats and he ordered their drinks, Reginald turned to his future son. “You seem to be the sensible one of the bunch.”

“That’s because I’m the oldest,” Five nodded, Reginald tilting his head. “You know, technically, I’m older than you right now.”

Reginald turned forward when the bartender set down a bottle in front of him. “Cognac?”

“Just a smidge.” Five slightly smiled. As he poured their drinks, Reginald started their subject of conversation.

“The other night, you quoted Homer at me. Why?”

Five shifted in his seat and straightened his blaser. “You forced us all to learn it as kids. In the original Greek, no less.” He raised his brows before a glass was passed to him. He and his father did a silent cheer before he took a gulp of it. The entire situation was so jarring to the boy, but as he said before, he didn’t choose this life. He’s just living it. For the next few days, anyway. “This world ends in five days if we don’t get out of the timeline.”

“Worlds end. Paleozoic, Jurassic, and so on.”

“We can do something about this one.”

“Man’s greatest flaw: the illusion of control.”

The boy frowned. “I need your help. Alright? You’re my last sane option. Otherwise, I gotta make a deal that I really don’t wanna make. What do you know about time travel?”

“In theory?”

“In practice.”

Reginald hummed. “I know it’s akin to descending blindly into the depths of freezing waters and reappearing-”

“-as an acorn. Yeah.” Five finished with a sigh.

“What transpired when you tried traveling before?”

The boy blinked and shook his head as he looked away. “I botched it…”

“How?”

“I jumped too far forward, got stuck in the future for forty-five years in an apocalypse. Then I jumped too far backwards… except this time, I brought my entire family with me.”

Reginald tapped his fingers against the bar as he clicked his tongue. “Including (Y/N)?” He questioned, receiving a nod in answer. “Well, maybe your appetite is disproportionate to the size of your abilities. Start small. Seconds, not decades.”

“Seconds?” Five widened his eyes. “Look, no offense, but I need a bit more time for what I’m trying to accomplish here.”

“So much can change in a matter of seconds. One can overthrow an empire,” His eyes moved from Five to the doorway (Y/N) had been standing in seconds ago unbeknownst to Five. “One could fall in love. An acorn doesn’t become an oak overnight.”

Five swallowed, his expression that of defeat. “I was really hoping you had more than that.”

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help…”

Five shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry, too. I gave you such a hard time as a kid… I didn’t know any better.”

Humming, Reginald glanced down before raising his glass. “No skin off my teeth, old man.” He smiled before drinking. Five sighed and downed the rest of his drink before standing from his seat. “One more thing.”

“What is it?” Five turned back to his father, freezing at the cold look he had been giving him.

“It would be best… if you refrained from courting (Y/N).”

A pang going through his chest, Five rapidly blinked and stepped back. “W-What…?”

“Your relationship is not healthy,” Reginald stood from his stool and began walking past the boy. “And besides…”

Five clenched his fists as his father walked towards the exit of the tiki lounge.

“I have plans for her.”

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[severusish]

How are you feeling?!

Also what does Snape cope with physical pain?

BRO

first off. idk if you’re trans? but anyway just in case happy trans visibility day to all my trans peeps given it was yesterday 💖💙🤍💖💙🏳️‍⚧️

Secondly. Your Snape question is very on the nose (ba-dum-tss) given I’ve just come out of surgery (for my nose). See what I did there?? Haha. Haahaha. *slaps my knee*

How does Snape deal with physical pain?

Occluding heavily, as well as various potions he makes for himself, and potentially Firewhiskey or smoking or playing a game of chess. Distraction of some kind or blocking out his emotions I think is how he would deal with it.

Well obviously if he was injured and conscious he’d try to heal it himself first or get to Madame Pomfrey for help. Otherwise if it was minor pain he’d probably distract himself with a hands-on and brain-on activity or just start Occluding that shit. The man seemingly gives zero fucks about pain. Walking around the school with a shredded leg like “Oh this? Cut my leg shaving in the shower” like — ok Snape. Sure. You totally didn’t get that from a three headed hell dog.

Discuss @ people?

Anyway. Thanks for the ask!!!

🕳🤸‍♀️🕳🤸‍♀️🕳🤸‍♀️🕳🤸‍♀️🕳🤸‍♀️🕳🤸‍♀️🕳🤸‍♀️

On another note, to answer your other question, I look like a panda today. Lmao. Eyes puffed up beyond belief. I actually look like Will Smith punched me out (too soon? Ok. Too soon.)

Bonus: I will not be posting it but I have in my possession a photo of me from yesterday morning with hospital bread in my mouth (as in the whole piece of bread hanging out of my mouth by one corner). I was on a phone call with my friend Gaston (yes, Gaston. It’s his actual name. Aren’t we French people amazing?) and he wanted a photo of me during the call. I quickly shoved the bread in my mouth in order to free my hands for the photo. What is hospital bread you ask? Good question. It is air-sealed in a plastic bag and it is actually not bad as far as bread goes. Not too dry. Not too… moist (*gags at my own word choice*). Shockingly I was able to eat it without hacking or wheezing etc so…. Kudos to the surgeon I guess? For doing a good job with the intubation? Thanks Doc. 😌

Byeeeee — ish

[tellywoodtrash]

kasautii zindagii kay 25.09.18 lb

don’t expect these regularly. pehli ep dekh rahi hoon toh kar rahi hoon. first impressions and all. will be watching this show veryyyyy sporadically.

also, i went and watched the first ep of the original before this to revive memories and do an accurate comparison.

lmaoooooo i’d forgotten and kinda missed ekta’s predilection to start every show with SUCHHHHHHH gratuitous shots of bhagwan.

show kolkata mein based hai toh mumbai ka siddhivinayak mandir kyun dikha rahe ho?

but also some durga maa shots and the bengali ululation to reassure us ki haan haan, kolkata mein hi hai.

lol just look at the sizeeeeeeee of that “middle class” house.

watching an ekta show after agessssss and discovering all the little balaji quirks are still intact is a trip and a half.

waah re, exaaact same aarti as the original they’re using. nice.

oh i realllllly appreciate the little captions telling us the name of each character. coz this show has tooo fucking many. and i could never keep track of them in the original.

idhar already attempt to establish anurag as hero. ki dekho dad takkkkk is late to aarti, but bhai apna has already started.

MAN THESE FAMILIES ARE TOO BIG. HOW MANY DAMN KIDS YOU PPL BE HAVING??????????????

oh ho ho shekhar has a cuteeeeeeeee smile.

mohini ji toh abhi bhi 2002 paro waale hangover mein hain.

i really love this actress (shubhavi chouksey) tho. she plays balance of bitchhhhh and weepy bits quite well.

also lol i still remember her “mihirrrrrrrjiiiiiiii” from kyunki.

really relate with her being 1000% done with her husband. excuse me sir, aap bhi late hi aayein hain. you get no moral superiority points.

this chick is still asleep????????

there’s no fucking way you ppl (prerna, and whoever this jogging chick is) can get ready in time before aarti ends. 

oh no. jogger girl does notttttttttttttt look good. waaaaaaaaayyyy too OTT. like not in a fun way like mohini or komolika. in a fire your stylist way.

oh it’s nivedita.

wtfffffffffffff is anupam wearing my god. it’s like one of those silver rescue blankets but in florescent orange. jesus.

anupam still a dgaf cartoon here also. cool. 

tapur’s just rolling innnnnnnnn. also lol at her passive aggressive snark smile.

MY GOD THIS AARTI IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. IT’S CLOCKED IN AT OVER 6 MINUTES ALREADY. MATLAB BHAGWAAN KO AUR BHI KAAM HAI MY DUDES, POORE DIN TUMHARI IS AARTI MEIN HI BAITHE RAHEIN KYA??????

also what kinda fucking upper body strength does anurag have to keep going like this????? need no arm workout for the rest of the week.

um prerna, wearing paayal jhumka and all that is not the priority rn. JUST GET YOUR ASS DOWN THERE SO THIS NEVER-ENDING AARTI CAN FINISHHHHHH.

poooore suit se zyaada kapda iske dupatte mein lagta hai.

yeah these two are just toooooooo bland looking for my taste.

blah blah blah waqt issues.

ok so these guys don’t even have to do any work in writing the show. literallly just taking alllllllllll the dialogues from the original, huh.

anurag is a real stick in the mud, taking the ladoo back from his dad. asshole.

yeah i can already tell shubhavi is gonna act circles around the rest of this cast. multiple times.

this show is just maaaaaaade for the negative characters to shine, over the boring goody-goodies.

ok i’d forgotten how irritating erica’s voice is. she sounds like she’s perpetually phlegmy.

CHEATER PRERNAAAAAAAAAAA. original mein phool apne aap gira tha. chal jhooti. koi khaas dosti nahi hai teri bappa ke saath.

weird how they didn’t bother covering up erica’s cross tattoo. prerna sharma would never have a tattoo.

props to daddy sharma for being progressive papa and not seeing beti as bhoj.

blah blah blah humaari beti kitniiiiii pyaaari hai nonsense.

pft moloy and his dumbassery.

lmao “classes. business management.” who talks like this? who says the name of their degree/major when their mom asks where they’re going?

............ which parent in this day and age would resist their kid going to fucking college????? lol get real. a business family like this would push their kid to get an mba for fucking sure.

ok his voice is just as, if not even more, annoying than erica’s.

i won’t be surprised if mohini spits in moloy’s chai every now and then. he’s kinda asking for it.

bhaaaaaaaaaari cgi on college building. achcha hai, anyway script likhne mein paise ki bachat hui hai, toh ispe hi kharch kardo.

prerna’s friend is a horndog.

lol “JERSEY mein dikhta hai” as if it’s something great. kabhi aarti ke time jao uske ghar pe. tab shirtless hota hai.

ok this is creeeeeepy as fuck how all the girls are peeping into the boys’ locker room. just think how it’d look if it was reversed.

pehchaan waala hai toh why is she looking at him like it’s the first time??? yaa pehli baar “jersey mein” dekha hai?

jeeeeee bhar ke taadne ke baad, bol rahi hai “mujhse nahi hoga” lol, ok.

prerna’s friend has acquired another suitably horndog companion.

oh greatttttttttttttttt, casual homophobic statement. first of many, no doubt.

why is this chick getting SOOOOOOOO hyper about prerna/anurag talking? calm thy tits, madam.

OH GOD THEY’RE EVEN RECREATING THIS NONSENSE SCENE FROM THE ORIGINAL, WHERE THIS RANDOM DUDE PREDICTS THE CONVERSATION. IT’S SOOOOOOOOO DATED AND LAME AS A STORY-TELLING DEVICE. CRINGE!MAXXXX

wow, bothhhhh their annoying voices together is truly mind-numbingly grating.

ALSO MY GOD THIS IS THE MOST BORING CONVERSATION EVER.

prerna has the same oh god kahan phas gaye face that i have rn watching this.

ouff random expository dialogue on aane waala toofaaan.

this random bystander needs to shut up with his commentary and predictions. mostly coz he’s so wrong.

annoying horndog’s name is saloni. and she’s being annoying some more, this time towards prerna.

my god who the fuck is like ‘omg don’t tell me you DIDN’T fuck him’ to a total random stranger, in the very first convo they have with them??????? saloni needs to learn how to interact with ppl in polite society.

prerna like sorry, i don’t like rational men. lol good luck with that. it should reallllllly serve you well in life.

AND NOW SALONI’S LIKE CAN YOU FIND OUT IF ANURAG’S STRAIGHT?????? OMFG THIS CHICK IS REALLY ASKING FOR A JHAPPAD. 

AND PRERNA’S LIKE OK I’LL TRY. JFC.

seems like papa sharma has seen band baaja baarat too many times, ki anushka ki “vyaapaar aur pyaar” waali baat kuch zyaada hi dil pe le li.

15 lakh ka loan for what exactly?

ouff khudddaari dialogue. itniiiiiiii khuddaari hai toh loan bhi mat liya karo?

yeah mohini is srslyyyyyy just taking all her styling inspiration straight from 2002 devdas.

moloy is getting on my last damn nerve. 

the dubbing of this show is really bad. at some points the mouths are just moving completeeeeeeely outta sync with the sound.

i really like prerna’s mom. 

yes yes we got it, sabse bada pandaal yahi hai. you have convinced us.

i don’t get ppl who live in india and have zero patience for random things like roadblocks. like.... this is just how life IS here????? stop being a dick. itni jaldi hai, toh fucking get out and walk the 3 extra steps.

ouff prerna and her manic pixie-ness. i’m so tired of this HAR WAQT PHUDAKTI MACHALTI type heroines, who are unable to keep the ~~~excitement of lifeeeeeeeee~~~~ inside themselves and are constantly squirming.

lol the way mohini’s face instantly changed on having to interact with middle class person.

lmaooooooooo i’ve read a lot about erica and her weird way of saying “auntyji” and i finally get it.

.... why is she interrupting mohini’s conversation with her friends with her random tippani on anurag? unka beta hai, jo chaahe kahe; kissi ne tumse raaiii maangi?

damn, that was cold how she just abruptly walked away tho.

chandrika looks like SHE’s the one who came here in the back of a tempo, instead of prerna, who has not oneeeee hair outta place.

lol prerna’s mom is like hmph my daughter is soooo much better.

some more time waste on establishing just how big pandaal is.

pregnancy ki complications ki wajaah se mummy is STILL babying onuuuu, like 25 years later. waah bhai. jai ho aisi moms ki. inka bas chale toh umbilical cord kaate hi na.

nivideta waali actress’s hair and makeup is really doing nothing for her. esp. the hair. it’s making her forehead look bizarre. like i get she’s supp to be OTT, poonam was too in the original, but it suited her. this here is just not working.

some more casualllllll misogyny from moloy.

foreshadowing regarding prerna being anurag’s own personal toofaan.

mohini cannot stand a middle class girl even being within a 10 ft radius of precious baby boiiii. kahin uske exhalation par middle class waale co2 molecules na pad jaaye mere onuuuuuu pe!

they really need to put a flashing images warning on this show.

lmao tapur’s sheeeeeeer discomfort at being made to do aarti. #relatable

mohini’s not happpppppy ki prerna kahin se ghus aayi hai to do aarti. aadat daal lo AuNTyJiiiiiiiii. ab toh yeh har jagah ghusne waali hai.

ppl pray for peace of mind and this dumbass here is asking for a toofaan in her life. well i hope you’re ready, miss thang. coz this is going to be the last peaceful day of your godforsaken life. good luck.

thank god mohini didn’t see raja beta touching the hand of a mere commoner.

ANJALI IS STILL CAUGHT UP ON THIS BS.

AND OMG PRERNA ARE YOU SRSLY GONNA DO THIS???????

prerna, are you trying to find out if he’s straight, or signal to him ki you’re gay???? coz your opening line on how many cute girls there are here sounds like the latter.

.... i can’t believe she just asked him that. srsly. how the fuckkkkkkk is it any of your business?

god her verbal diarrhea. girl please stop.

yeah i really won’t be able to watch this show because her voice is just.... intolerable.

“haan mujhe ladke pasand hai. i like boys.”

pls. i wish. this would be an infinitely interesting show then. those would be some real kasautiiis. trying to navigate indian society in every way as a non-hetero.

“gooooood choice. baaaad luck.”

lol at least he has a sense of humour.

pffffffffffffffft.

i don’t like these nonsense gay jokes but this kinda felt like a befitting reply to her dumbass intrusive question.

mohini really rude af. but i also kinda admire her attitude of not dealing with ppl she doesn’t want to. i wish i had it.

LE YEH PHIR AA GAYI ISKE PAAS.

at least she’s apologizing.

WHAT IS WITH THESE TWO AND ONLY TALKING ABOUT THE WEATHER. JFC. SO BORING.

some pretty heavyyyyyyyyyyy handed exposition re: mahishasura.

who dis character tho??????

ouff too much dramatics with the sharaab ki bottal phodna and pandit ki commentary and the chunari over those two. it’s alll TOO MUCH.

lo shahrukh bhi aa gaya gyaan dene.

MY GOD WHY IS HE AGING LIKE THIS JFC IT’S LIKE WITNESSING MY CHILDHOOD DECOMPOSE IN FRONT OF MY VERY EYES.

overall impression

production values and all are amazing, as expected. the two actresses playing the moms are the best. the fathers are that special desi dad brand of benevolently annoying. the leads have zeroooooooooooo personality and appeal for me though. they’re just too bland and boring (like, that ~*SPARK*~ shweta tiwari had???? sorely missing.) too early to tell about chemistry right now, but they both really need to work on their dialogue delivery, because my god, it’s truly the worst (esp. erica’s.) the only draw of this show for me personally is mohini and komolika’s bitchery, and that isn’t a good enough reason for me to watch it regularly and put up with the rest of these characters. like i’ve said before, maybe someone who hasn’t watched the original would enjoy this, but i’m mostly meh. i’ll keep up with updates and like, check in and watch an ep or two occasionally but overall, naaah.

[tellywoodtrash]

ishqbaaz 27.09.17 lb

again with the overdramatic new entry. 

rudra be like the fuck who is this dapper motherfucker who has more tadi than me and my brothers 

usne toh himmat kar li bina permission entry marne ki, lekin tumhare nalaayak security kya kar rahi thi when he just drove his damn bike into your goddamn house? 

abhay. fitting name. 

abhay’s cyoooot. has a decent voice/dialogue delivery too. 

“abbe tu abhay ho, bobby ho ya... teesra kaun hai?” “sunny.” 

snorttttt. 

major kiska pota? kisi ka bhi pota ho tu, dadaji ne tujhe sikhaaya nahi ki kisi ke ghar ke andar bike nahi ghusaate? 

damn his smile is cuuuuuute. oBros who? 

lol i’m so fickle. also i was craving a new pretty face to drool over. aaaaaand i found it! 

lmao the three oBros’ faces at dadi being all happy. apparently she’s not allowed to love any other new boys. 

pft such awaiii ka ghusaaya hua character he is. but again, he cute, so i don’t mind. 

please god can abhay remain a good boy, and not make me hate him? all i have right now to cling on to is the specter of samar jeet malhotra as my one unproblematic fave male character. 

LMAO RUDRA’S STINKEYE I AM LOVING IT. FUCK YOUUUUU RUDRA. *liptofies against abhay and kisses him* 

why the oBros so fucking grumpy? lighten up, idiots. or do you only like to adopt random young women into the family as honorary siblings? 

hooooooooooo boy, SSO is giving him up and down tadi waale looks. 

come on shivaay. accept him as new baby bro. look at how cute he is. 

i knewwww he’d be bringing mehendi! 

how’d he fit the box in his jacket tho? like...????? also, mehendi right up against a white shirt???? you truly are ABHAY (fearless), my friend!

anika is INSTANTLY charmed. i say she adopts him as new baby bro. shivaay has gauri already. 

100% organic mehendi. abhay’s done his research on gift recipient. i’m impressed. 

give the mehendi to anika tho, not the groom? 

LMAO OMRU ARE NOT HAPPY AT THIS NEW DEVAR ANIKA JUST ACQUIRED THANKS TO DADI, THEY’RE LIKE “NO! OUR BHAABI! OURS!”

anika just scored herself a new dost! yay! she could use more of those! 

wow, pinky bringing anika. interesting. 

poor anika’s hopeful eyes and smile though. the girl just wants to win saasuma over so badly. sigh. 

LMAO EVEN TEJ IS SICK OF THIS NONSENSE AND IS LIKE NOW WHAT, JUST LET THIS DAMN WEDDING HAPPEN ALREADY BEFORE SVETLANA KILLS US ALL 

pffffffft. vow time. 

om’s eyeroll of relief tho. 

ugh billllu whyyyyyy does this have to be in publiccccccc? couldn’t you do this in private like the ring thing???? 

LMAO ANIKA CHASTISING SAHIL FOR NOT HELPING WITH THE VOWS AND HIS SMILE 

the face of someone who’s totally ready. 

pehle aap pehle aap mein bloody muhurat beeta jaa raha hai. 

omki to the rescue as always. 

“WOW. woh W waala wow.”

aw man, his first vow is all in her language. 

shit that’s really sweet and heartfelt and i shoulda worked on this shit. hahaha fuck meeeeeeeeee. 

(note from tt @ anika: don’t worry babe. you got this. you’re gonna nail it!)

aw. family waala vow from her. 

even pinky looks gratified!

LMAO THE PANEER BUTTER MASALA 

“lathpath... agneepath!” 

said exactly in the tone of bachchan! 

LMAO all the family seems to be waaaaaay more into anika’s on the go vows than billu’s written months in advance. 

ok yes, i like these jokey vows vibe better now. 

KILL ME DEAD OMKARA WHY ARE YOU SO STINKING CUTE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH COME HERE MY STUPID HANDSOME BOY LET ME SQUISH YOU TO DEATH 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

billu, are you sure this is YOUR family? they’re allllll #teamAnika. 

you’ve already recorded her kicking you and she still didn’t believe you. so good luck with that billu. 

“jab bhi tum calculations mein phasogi toh main tumhe sahi zeroes lagaana sikhaaonga aur tumhe karke dikhaaonga!” 

ugh so stinking cute. also, need me a freak like this, who’ll handle all the math in my life. #mathAtheist

“jab bhi aap apne pahaadi kauwe jaisi besuri awaaz mein gaana gaayenge toh main nahi hasoongi.”

the singing and laughing was soooo nakuul breaking character. 

yup, at this point, this is just nakuul and not shivaay anymore. 

pinky can’t handle what a lovestruck idiot her son is being. she honestly didn’t raise him to be such a loser, wtf is he even doing lord. 

OK THIS HAS GONE ON FOR LONG ENOUGH IS THIS GOING TO BE JUST 40 MINUTES OF WOW VOWS COZ AS CUTE AS THIS IS IM BORED AND WANT SOME PLOT TO HAPPEN

pfffffffffffft, this kabhi nahi ladenge vow is the most unrealistic one in the history of the world for ANY COUPLE. 

even anika realises. 

okay this point this isn’t shivaay, it’s just nakuul. 

THIS GIRL HAS ZERO INHIBITIONS ANYMORE. AND HE GONNA CRYYYYYYYYYYYY. this is alllll i ever wanted from this damn couple *weeps*

i am living for tej’s happy face. 

“dhat pagli rulayegi kya?”

omg see! my theory about shivaay being secret bollywood fan is fully validated. he just pretends to be only into foreign cinema to be cool. he’s fulllllly into pre-2000s bollywood.   

“tum na, are the most beautiful, kind, wonderfully weird girl i know. tumhare saath bitaaya hua har lamha is an adventure...” 

sweet and all, but this vow is stolen word for word from friends no? mike’s vows to phoebe?? except the appu ghar bit of course. 

wait what was that bit about her body??? and his response “sab yahan hai, main bol nahi sakta...” get a room you assholes!

STOLEN VOWS OR NOT I AM CRYING. FUCKKKKKKK MEEEEEEEEEEE, MY KIDSSSSSSSSS. HOW LONG IT’S TAKEN THEM TO GET HERE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH 😭😭😭😭

ummmmmmmmmm, wow. ok. that was highly unrealistic how abhay CAUGHT the sign. 

also, ugh, is there any symbolism to how he separated shivika to save them? coz.... i honestly cannot handle it if these two get fucked with AGAIN. please just let them live in peace. they’ve given their trial by fire already. 

ok what ridiculous extraaaaaaaa herobaazi. idgi, why is new guy given so much importance, when even omRu haven’t been given such heroic scenes?? 

finally. some non acid laced mehendi in this house. 

sahil’s cuteass expressions on the side. ouff, such cute, i just want to eat him up. 

aaankh maaare, ho ladka aaankh maare. 😉😉😉

fuck you rudra. just leave my girl bhavya aloneeeeeee. 

lol why the fuck would officer dad pick up your call? he fucking hates you. 

billu can’t stop with the sexy eyes at wife. 

oh great, abhay wants naach gaana. matlab, yeh begaani shaadi mein kuch zyaada deewana nahi ban raha????

PLEASE NO NAACH GAANA FUCKING PLEASE 

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

thank god omRu have managed to get into the groove of things though. coz abhay was seriously looking more pumped for this wedding than them. 

oh my heart, shivaay dancing with jhanviiiii and sahillll. 

lol abhay trying to sneak into the omRu dance collective 

of course, yahan yeh dono toh apne mein hi mast hai 

abhay has succeeded in winning over omRu!!! 😎😎😎

sexy hawa chaling and shivika are gravitating towards each other. methinks you two should sneak off and make out now.

.... aaaaaaaaand. nope. 

the most translucent duppatta in the world is being used as argument that these two not see each other till the wedding. cool. cool cool cool. 

abhay’s trying to play lawyer for shivaay but dadi be like son, you’re new here. shuuuuuuuush.

OMFG NO PHONES ALSO WTH DAAAAAAADI 😩😩😩😩

whut? these three drink together? i’ve never seen them sharing anything other than chai and milkshakes. 

om is already plastered. rudra is also almost there. shivaay is just like the fuck???? 😟😟😟

LMAO SHOW ITSELF POKING FUN AT SHIVAAY’S MULTIPLE SHAADI ATTEMPTS 

“RIGHT NUMBER LAGNE KE BAAD BHI, THE SSO WRONG NUMBER TRY KARTA RAHA, HELLLLOOOOOOOOO?”

omg this adorable idiot. 

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWW 

drunk/high om is my favt. om. no for real. i loveeeeeeee him when he’s plastered outta his mind. 

wow, what was that one line om had about destiny and ppl not meant for each other meeting. does that mean he’s still thinking gauri and him aren’t right for each other???? 😧😧😧

lmaoooo rudra, on being explained what an ageist is “yaar maine toh kabhi aisa nahi kiya, main dadi se itna pyaar karta hoon.” 

oh boy, foreshadowing with all this “obros, we’ll never change” dialogue. fear and dread are gripping my heart. 

aaaaaaaand abhay’s maarofied entry into that scene. this is definitely foreshadowing. 

“bhaiii ki tarah” based on what exactly? 

and lol omru’s faces at that. 

i def get the vibe that abhay’s putting nazar on oBro bond. oh abhay. why? just be the fourth damn musketeer.

like, fuck calling each other, i would kill someone who took my phone. excuse me, i need my hourly updates about all the cats i’m following on instagram???? and i need to keep up with all the hot new memes that are spawned on an hourly basis on this hellsite????? gimme my phone  bitch!!!!

shivaay is just rambling at this point... talking about everything from anika to his sleep issues and how it’s aging him. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

ok won’t deny this idea is cute af and i would fully fall for that. you guys know the way to my heart is through music.

ok shivaay that’s not a wireless speaker. put it down. 

how are these two playing these songs like this on CASSETTES or whatever on demand???? so unrealistic. ipod toh use kiya hota. 

yeah, don’t ever try to tell me shivaay doesn’t know bollywood again. this fool filmyyyyyyyyyyyyyy as fuck. also, he’s playing aaaaalllll the right songs. he knows what songs for what situations! 

OMFG WHAT A DRAMA QUEEN.

oooooh forbidden chathh meeting???? 

daaaaaaaaaang om. calm down. 

ALSO, ART SUPPLIES ARE EXPENSIVE. 

oh wow, jhanvi remembered she has a son. who was willing to give up his whole damn life for her. 

... wait, so gauri isn’t in the house??

but yesterday they kept saying that she’s in the house? like he said gauri would arrange the sangeet, and anika was like i have to go see gauri about the clothes... kuch toh continuity rakho peeps. 

ooooooh yeaaaaah angst. gimme it! gimme all of it! 

“jab insaan ko pata hai ki uski sawaalon ka jawaab nahi milega toh woh sawaal nahi kiya karta. bas chup chaap jawaab ka intezaar karta hai.”

um. the irony. you realise that’s what gauri’s been doing for MONTHS now??? MONTHS. one day and you’re dying like this, you weakass loser. 

wait was he talking about gauri or himself? or both??? like... i need more exposition. 🤔🤔🤔🤔

he’s crying though and i can’t handle and i just want to love away his pain, ugh ommmmm. my stupid trash son. 

OMFG THE HORRIFIC CGI ARE YOU KIDDING ME WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK I CAN MAKE A BETTER BG FOR THEM IN LIKE... MS PAINT OR SOME SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK 

and how the fuckkkkk is this their chath??? this is a damn hilltop. come on. 

lol why the ghoongat, anika? so damn extra. 

THIS SCENE IS BEING RUIIIIIIIIIIIIINED BY THE CGI I JUST CANT GET OVER IT OH GOD ITS SO HORRIBLE I CAN’T CONCENTRATE ON THE SEXY COZ OF IT. 

OK FOCUS TT. FOCUSSSSSSSSS. 

ismein dhoondne ki kya baat hai, it’s right fucking there in like... neon letters. bloody nonsense. like you didn’t try at allllllllllll, mehendi waali! 

haaaaaaaaaye. 

lol she just straight up told him that she likes dom!Shivaay better. he’s like whatever you sayyyyy, m’lady. call me “daddy”. 

oh come on tej, use all your power to find gauriiiii. 

lovinggggg om burning in angst. lovingggg it.  

whoooops. english sir ko badi utaavli chadhi thi. 

but at least om has a location to go find her now!!!! 

oh boy, don’t tell me om’s suspecting her again. i’ll kill you, boy. i will. 

oooooooh whut. tej is here to having bonding talk. 

of course, this is the last thing om needs right now. 

like tej’s “redemption” is hella stupid, but ok, i’m tired of hating him, so whatever. 

“badi der kardi huzoor, aate aate.” 

*hugs my poor angsty poet son* 

“ab badalne ka koi fayda nahi hai, kyunki maine apne baap ke bina jeena seekh liya hai.”

siiiiiiiiiiigh. these 4 lions men and their daddy issues. 

“main aaj tak apne pareshaaniyo se ladte aaya hoon. aur aaj bhi ladunga, akele.” 

“ek bhi shikaayat nahi hai mujhe aap se. shikaayaat toh unse hoti hai, jinse umeed ho.” 

my heart is breaking for my boy here. 

it’s also going dhak dhak for how. damn. handsome. he. is. CANNOT ABLE TO HANDLE ONLY 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

yaaaaaaaaaaaas call him out on all the BS, om! PULL THOSE DAMN RECEIPTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

look at his poor broken face. i am destroyed. despite everything he says, he’s just a little boyyyyyyyyyy, wanting a dad. 😥😥😥😥

that’s the best advice tej can give him: don’t be like me. respect your marriage. cherish your wife. 

OH BOY WHAT IS THIS RAGEY “MAIN AB USSSE SAMAJHNE MEIN KOI GALTI NAHI KAROONGA” WHAT DOES THIS MEAN OM YOU BETTER NOT BE SUSPECTING HER ANYMORE SO HELP ME GOD DON’T MAKE ME COME IN THERE AND SET JANGO ON YOUR ASS AGAIN

omfg pleaseeeeeeeeeeee do not telll shivaaay anything. please let him have this one fucking wedding. 

oh thank god. 

why’s billu wearing holi waale clothes again? 

ohhhhhh boy, who dat? is it svetlana??? anika? whooooooo????