#also of course you can reblog this i'm glad if it resonates with people

[lucky-clover-gazette]

i think i like the four swords manga so much bc there is some just. very up my alley character and ship archetypes in there, but also the message itself and emotional beats hit surprisingly hard?

(long analysis below)

i like the idea of this character who is so ATTACHED to the idea of being an outsider and harming others, because he believes that he will never belong in the light with them. over the course of the manga, shadow link develops genuine fondness for vio, shows vulnerability through that fondness, and gets betrayed. no matter how real the feelings were between them, vio couldn't bear to hurt his friends or the world. it devastates shadow link; really gets to him. i wonder if he even knew he could have these feelings, falling for the very ruse he attempted to use on vio to get him on his side. while shadow is very ridiculous and theatrical in general, it doesn't seem fake when he expresses that he's glad vio has joined him. it also seems very real when he breaks down after the betrayal.

zelda choosing to be kind to shadow rather than mock him for being foolish is like the final straw that shatters his world view. she asks if he really thinks the light will hurt him, and challenges the notion that he isn't a hero deep down. she's not making excuses for him or telling him who to be; she's naming his deepest insecurities loud and clear and telling him it's okay to be scared. she's not rubbing salt in the wound of vio's rejection, but instead suggesting that shadow could find belonging with others if he took a leap of faith and tried to be their friend without an ulterior motive. shadow gets so giddy about the idea of doing havoc with vio, and it's like buddy, you're experiencing happiness because you like vio, not because you like being evil. i think deep down, we all just want to find Our People. and i can't stand to be cynical enough to suggest that we all don't have at least someone out there for us. it's just harder for some people to belong than others, as is the case with shadow.

shadow link is messed up and destructive to the people around him, unable to even imagine belonging in the light so he settles for chaos in darkness--but he submits, by the end of the comic, to the terrifying truth that he is deserving of love and capable of loving. i say terrifying because in an allegorical sense, it's kind of the equivalent of saying "i'm gay/mentally ill--i can't change that the world is harder for me, and it will be harder to find people who understand me, but i'm doing a disservice to myself and anyone i could hypothetically love by not trying to be my best self." it's a great and fairly uncommon message, especially for teenagers and young people in general.

i mean dude, talk about a bizarre but weirdly resonant reflection of the "gay teenager developing feelings for their best friend" experience. shadow link sets out to manipulate vio at first by appealing to his ego, no personal stakes in the game, but almost IMMEDIATELY falls DOWN BAD for this guy and becomes incredibly emotionally vulnerable around him. shadow link is genuinely LIVING for the time he gets to spend with vio, being as chaotic and theatrical and unrestrained as he pleases. he really believe that vio sees him, and likes him for who he is (which for the record i think is true, but vio also cares about his friends and the fate of the world, things that hold no meaning to shadow).

vio betrays shadow and it genuinely hurts, and that's kind of incredible for a short comic with a lot of goofy moments. and then shadow's resolution is vindicating too, he has agency in the choices he makes, and he does the right thing because he finally believes he doesn't need to remain in the darkness. he disguises himself to help the four because he knows they don't trust his face, really demonstrating the selfless desire to end all the magic shit that put him and the others in archetypical dark/light boxes. shadow link changes a lot in a short period, but the fact that to the end he believes that he still isn't like the others is negated by them saying he's part of "the body" and their friend. his "death" is very simply put in the text--"when a shadow turns to light, it disappears." it's not like a real death. it's a permanent and meaningful statement on how much shadow has changed, and found belonging and acceptance. if shadow's physical form came from feelings of spite and resentment, it makes sense that it no longer needed to exist.

and to TOP IT OFF, he does "end up" with vio and the others, if we're viewing The Full Link as an allegorical friend group or community. he's not quite as homogenous as they are, but rather serves as a shadow of the four. i love the panel where he's giving a thumbs-up from link's shadow so much. that's so simple and obvious, but honestly poetic. because like, in some ways you're never going to be just like everyone else. finding friends who are also gay or mentally ill doesn't make you any less of who you specifically are, and in at least some ways your friends and loved ones are always going to be different from you. i don't like it when the ultimate takeaway from a story is "once you live happily ever after, the darkness will be all gone," because hello??? some things never go away, and the darkness has, for better or for worse, made you who you are! qualities i see in shadow link are sardonic humor, unusual expressiveness, and a deep sense of caring towards His People/Person. those are fueled partially, but not entirely, by his not-great circumstances and deepest fears... but they're also where he shines.

you can be different from other people without resigning yourself to an lonely and unhappy life. coming out doesn't make you any less gay; seeking treatment doesn't magically cure mental illness; but acknowledging yourself for who you are is life-changing liberation, and necessary in the pursuit of happiness. these are huge and scary steps that especially young people are struggle to take, settling for resentment over the possibility of rejection. shadow link takes a chance and finds belonging, but still maintains the parts of himself that give him such a distinct personality. he is accepted for who he is, and at the end of the day who he is is not dark force whose sole purpose is to ruin lives, but just a strange gay-ass little dude who's a little bit extra but good at heart. and vio, as well as the others, appreciate that wholeheartedly. at the end of the day, the Whole Link just isn't the Whole Link without his shadow.

i don't know man, it's always special to me when an angsty character is written not as a joke, but as an opportunity to give people hope. even in the most obscure of places, even in ways that i can analyze endlessly but mean nothing to the average person. maybe none of this was the authors' intention. even if the manga was just, like, a shallow implementation of tropes and characteristics i'm a SUCKER for, i'd still love it to bits.

but i do see something a little deeper here, i can't help it. clearly the story has resonated with a small but dedicated group of fans, many of whom read the manga as kids or teens. i'm... honestly a little jealous of that. it's the kind of story i needed, and the kind of story i wish to tell. this series is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

[atherix]

Hello! I’ve been reading your work for a long time now, and I have to compliment you, my good sir! Every chapter I read feels like an episode of a tv show, and your characterization and world building is absolutely extraordinary! I can tell how much love and care you put into the characters, it’s absolutely beautiful. I’m instantly hooked on the magic system, in-world politics, and of course the romance <3. How you manage to outdo yourself and impress readers is absolutely amazing. The way you write each point of view helps clue me in on who’s speaking before names are said, which isn’t something most authors have mastered. I kid you not, I am constantly theorizing and wondering what will happen next.

The way you described how magic in the fae realm and the Court operates makes me wonder what exactly lies ahead for Scar and Tubbo. Plus, I ADORE their father-son relationship! Scar is definitely the kind of father he hopes to be, because he goes above and beyond for Tubbo, putting his safety and well-being above all else while taking the time to actually listen to his wants!

The Watchers plot is extremely good, I can’t get enough of their mysterious nature, and it occurs to us how little we actually know about them because all we’ve had to base their motives around are books and word-of-mouth. The way you write Grian’s trauma and religious trauma just strikes me deep in the soul because I know how horrible stuff like that can be. Poor Grian!

And Mumbo coming to terms with his past and keeping his mates and family safe from those who still want to harm them is so sweet and courageous. (Also, Tubbo and the spider has GOT to be one of my favorite random side-plots. It’s so lighthearted!)

I’m always lurking on Tumblr for good Mumscarian content, and I hope to draw a scene or two from the Midnight series someday! Keep up the amazing work, and remember to drink some water! :D

Hi hello!! Thank you so much!! Midnight really is a big passion project of mine, every little detail matters to me <3 I'm so glad you're enjoying it all so much! I'm having so much fun writing it. Ah yes, perspectives and character voices- funny you should mention it, since that's one of the areas I always fear I might be failing at hjgjfkj so thank you so much!! I'm glad to hear I've gotten it across then <3 It always amazes me to hear that people theorize about my fic, it makes me so happy to have something worth theorizing about!! <3

I love magic so much, and having different rules for different sects of magic users is so fun to me <3 haha what awaits them indeed... :) I adore the father-son dynamic I've given them so much I wrote an entire fic centered around them for no other reason than because I wanted more father-son fluff <3 Sure I tossed in some plot relevance but really, the father-son relationship is what I was there for <3 Scar doesn't realize it but he's just as amazing a dad as his own father was <3

Haha and the Watchers plot isn't over yet... <3 That one's gonna hang around for a little while longer hehe I think a lot of people can resonate with the religious trauma aspect. I relate to a very minimal degree, but I have friends who relate very heavily to it so... yeeeahh man poor Grian. Also just saying, aren't I pretty cruel to turn Grian into a god of the religion he's got trauma from haha-

Mumbo's had a few lifetimes full of trauma and loss </3 he won't lose again hhgjfdk he will keep them safe <3 Midnight Mumbo gets to be cool only when his family is in danger lol- (Hehe remember that spider, it's not nearly as random as it feels at this point, but I do adore that spider <3)

I stalk the mumscarian tag on tumblr and AO3 just waiting for something to show up so I understand that hehe. !! I will let you know if you do I WILL cry and then I'll spazz out in the notes as I reblog it and Stitch and I will scream <3 hjfsdhjkds drinking water now, thank you so much~! Have a wonderful day~!

[purringbookworm97]

Hii! I'm like rlly new here and I saw ur blog and stuff I'm very confused about the "crystal vibe" thing? Why is amethyst feminine and why is obsidian masculine or why aquamarine is both

Is it because of the properties? Obsidian came from lava and fire so it's masc and yk that and that I almost got my head around it,but then I got confused again

I hope this was okay to ask! I totally understand if you don't wanna asnwer or don't wanna explain,I like ur blog alot btw and tysm for the pinned links

I hope you have a great day 💖 or night

Hi nonnie!

First thing I'm going to ask is, did you see anything about gendered crystals on my blog? Because I don't remember reblogging or writing anything about gendering crystals, since I myself don't particularly appreciate it.

Now of course it's okay to ask and I'm glad you did! Now why do people gender crystals or random objects for that matter? in my limited experiences, it comes from two things, property and aspect.

As you may know, some people associate qualities and flaws with specific genders. If you, like me, have lived in a westernized society, you might have noticed the emphasis that these societies put on the binarity of the sexes and genders. Most of the time, there must be the Masculine and the Feminine, which are pretty much forbidden to come in contact out of procreation.

Yes, you can find depictions of gender neutrality in New Age Spirituality, but when considering gendering objects, one usually decides to separate them into definite Male/Female categories, following guidelines that can be arbitrary about what is which. Let me give you an example:

Usually considered "feminine": healing, family, children, passivity, motherhood, love, affection, softness

Usually considered "masculine": aggressivity, violence, strength, sharpness, assertiveness, dominance

On another plane, fire, stone, and thunder, but also all "violent" phenomena are usually considered masculine, and on the other hand, everything soft such as plants (especially flowers), rain, and round shapes are considered feminine.

Therefore why do people say amethyst is feminine? Because its aspect and properties fall in the usually "feminine" category of things Obsidian would on the other hand have qualities deemed more "masculine", and Aquamarine would have qualities from both.

Now why do I say usually? because none of these qualities is inherent to one gender or the other, there are also more than two genders, and that is my main issue with gendering objects. I'm a transgender guy, and my femininity doesn't make me less of a man, the same way that a very butch lesbian is still a lady because what matters is the ways she identifies.

Of course, if you feel that associating genders to crystals or anything else matters to you, by all means, do it, but do remember that gender is a fluid concept that must resonate with you before it resonates with anybody else. Alternately, it doesn't matter what a crystal looks like or what it does, that doesn't define their gender.

The best way to know what something's gender is: asking. If you know any divination methods (pendulum, runes, tarot but also many more), ask your crystals, and then you'll know!

Hoping I wasn't aggressive in my answer, and that you're having a lovely day, night or evening!

Thank you for sending an ask!

[walkingnorth]

I'm sorry to bother you but what was the cut off day for the preorder to get the extra bookmark and art card?

The deadline for the preorder campaign was the 2nd of June (release date.) This means people had to preorder, and send their email in to Little Bee by the 2nd. Because the physical goodies have already been printed (and mostly already been sealed into envelopes - just waiting on a few more people to confirm their address) we do have to be firm on that deadline. If you didn’t email Little Bee before then, I’m afraid you missed out. Sorry. However, if you preordered, but didn’t email earlier, but would like the digital goodies, we can be much more flexible with this (because there isn’t a limited quantity) so you can email publicity@littlebeebooks.com with proof of preorder, and they’ll send you the bonus comic shorts etc. :)

Anonymous said: Oh my god the blogs reblog from are wonderful! Gorgeous art! How do you find such wonderful artists?

They are wonderful, aren’t they? There are so many spectacular artists on tumblr :D

I mostly find new artists when an artist I’m already following reblogs another artist, and I go ‘ooooh pretty!’

(I’m currently following 1812 people on tumblr, mostly artists.)

Anonymous said:I'm reading Always Human (I wasn't able to buy it because I don't have any money) I'm only on Chapter 29 and it's so beautiful!!! I've cried three times already reading it and it's so beautiful! It's also one of my favorite girlxgirl stories

Awww, thank you, this is such a lovely ask, I’m really glad AH resonates with you so much ; - ; One of the best things about webcomics is that anyone can read them, there’s no financial barrier <3 (Just putting it out there - if you live in an English speaking country, try requesting the Always Human book at your local library! They might purchase it for you, especially if you’re in the US/Canada.)

Anonymous said: I'm a lil too shy to post pictures and all but I still wanted to say how excited I am that my hardcover came! Probably gonna reread it this weekend! Been following since Line Webtoon sent me one of those sneak peak emails about Always Human and excitedly been waiting for updates from that through Aerial Magic as well and of course I'm excited to see whatever else you decide to do in the future too :)

alsdkfjalskdfjalksdj thank you so much! Thank you for sending me such a sweet message, I really appreciate it. That’s a long time, wow ; - ;

(No official news yet, but I’m also very excited about the things I’m going to do in the future!)

[shadowfae]

I've recently stumbled across the word "otherkin" and it seems to describe certain feelings I have, but the tumblr tags seem to be full of unuseful information and, well, silliness. I'm sort of looking for people to talk to while I try to sort myself out, without making too much light of it. Do you have any advice on sifting through everything?

Besides going ‘AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA’ and never doing anything about it?

First things first. You’re new, so we’re going to divide this into two parts. Part one, crash course on otherkinity, alterhumanity, and the little branches of it you should know about. Those words and terms will help you figure out what’s what. Part two is great, you know all these terms, how do you sort through the mess that is kinfeels. 

Under a readmore because long, since I ramble sometimes. I’m glad you asked, and if you have any further questions, hit me up again and I’ll do what I can.

Part One: What Even Is Otherkinity

Otherkinity is identifying involuntarily and nonphysically as something nonhuman. You aren’t saying you are physically this thing (as you are physically human), you cannot choose to be this thing and can’t choose not to be this thing, and you do not identify as human 100%. 

The modifiers: Fictionkin means you can be something that is human, but it must be fictional (like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson or smth). You can be a member of a fictional species that isn’t human (like the Elf Queen’s Daughters of the early 70s that started the fictionkin community). It is still involuntary and nonphysical.

Otherkinity is divided into three ‘main’ branches: therianthropy, otherkinity, and fictionkind. Therians (or therianthropes) ID as an animal that has been or is on Earth. Like dinosaurs or foxes. There are an absurd amount of wolf therians here on tumblr. Those that are obviously faking or haven’t questioned enough for even themselves and just went with ‘wolf’ because it’s cool are called wolfaboos. Usually I just don’t talk to them, since to each their own and they’re not actively being annoying, but please don’t just “oh I’m not human clearly I’m a wolf” the moment you get kinfeels. Things don’t... work... like that...

Anyway. Otherkinity as a sublabel of itself generally has within it our conceptkin (I’m calling it that for now. Things like voidkin or starkin), theriomythics (fantasy animals within mythology such as unicorns and youkai), draconics (draconity, which is dragons and pretty self explanatory), the vampire and were____ communities, and probably a few others.

Fictionkind I already went over. I have three kintypes that are fictionkind in nature. They are called fictotypes for this reason. (Kintypes is the label for all of them, but there is also theriotypes and fictotypes for therianthropy and fictionkind.)

Those fictotypes are Pale Noël from the Evillious Chronicles, a noncanon Devil from DSP’s works, and an Absol from Pokemon. As I have more than two kintypes, I am in what we call ‘polykin hell’. Though tbh, most people put themselves in polykin hell when they’re up past five. Poor guys.

The things that are close to otherkinity but not actually it!

Copinglinkers- They ID as something voluntarily to cope with something. Usually trauma or mental illness. While not otherkin, they are alterhuman and do belong in our community. They are also called copingkin, which is a bit outdated but since copinglink is a new term, I’ll let it slide. (It was coined by @who-is-page, actually, and they are a delight to follow if you want to see antikin absolutely dragged through the mud.)

Otherhearted- Those who identify not as something but with it. As an example, I am faehearted and shadowhearted. I identify with those things because one of my fictotypes did, and that carried over. It is very easy to mistake heartfeels for kinfeels. Regardless, like c’linkers and ‘kin they are alterhuman and totally rad.

Synpaths- Tbh I’m not quite sure what’s the difference between synpaths and ‘hearted. (I have heard it is ‘ID with this’ versus ‘I want to hug that’ but you should not be asking me; as I don’t have a fuckin’ clue.) Either way, if you think you have a synpath go research that. Please don’t ask me, I don’t know. All I know is that they exist and they do stuff, so they’re worth mentioning.

There are also ways to be otherkin, for lack of a better term. Ways you explain why you identify as these things. There are two main ‘branches’ to this: spiritual and psychological. There are also religious, cultural, and probably a few other reasons, but let’s go with the ones off the top of my head.

Spiritual- Can be anything from ‘my soul is this and my body is not’ to ‘I was this in a past life, and it is still relevant’. (You can have past lives that aren’t kintypes. The difference is simply how much they affect you. I do believe I had a life a fuckass long time ago in second age Senntisten, but as it isn’t relevant outside of vague memories of fire, it isn’t a fictotype of mine.)

Psychological- Anything from ‘I used this as a c’link at one point but it is now irreversible, and I am this now’ to ‘My brain decided to be wired weird and now I ID as this’. Essentially, you have a psychological reasoning for being kin or hearted or whatev. Psychological otherkin get thrown under the bus a lot because really angry copinglinks insist they’re kin and we’re “gatekeeping ableist jerks”. The difference is that c’links choose and can drop their identity. Psychological otherkin cannot. The line can be pretty blurred, and in that case you’d best just slap down “I am this, currently questioning if c’link or kintype”. Literally nobody can yell at you for that. I’ve had to do it before. Never did figure out what it was, but it doesn’t matter now.

Religious- I don’t see this one as often, but I think it’s something along the lines of ‘my God wants me to feel like I’m this for X reason’? Or maybe it’s a past life thing that your religious says you have. (I think Buddhism does that, but I am no religious scholar and I might be wrong.) 

Cultural- I’ve seen this mostly in Native American folks, but I’m sure they’re not the only ones. What I have seen is ‘my family have always been crows, so I am a crow therian’. I don’t know much about Native cultures, despite having grown up around them, so I suppose if you had cultural reasons, you’d already know? I do believe spirit animals play into this, but I’m what we call ‘exotic white bread’ and I am not the authority. But I also don’t know who to redirect you to about this. Hm. I’m gonna have to go asking around.

And of course, to finish off part one: multiplicity. That’s a fun one.

Multiple systems aren’t kin. Not hearted either or anything. They’re the other ‘main branch’ of being alterhuman. They are usually several people trying to pilot one body. They use terms like fictive, which is not fictionkin(d), though the two get confused an awful lot. A fictionkind person is someone who IDs as someone or something fictional. A fictive is a part of a multiple system who IS that person, with usually no other identity. 

Using myself as an example: I am fictionkind, and one of my fictotypes has green hair. I do not have green hair right now, and that fictotype is not my entire identity. A fictive is more like “hi I’m Harry Potter and I live here now, in your body, with you”. That would be his entire identity: he is Harry Potter.

Factives are close to that, but real people that do or have existed on Earth. That’s like “hi I’m Shakespeare and I live here now”. It’s possible to have system members that are neither. That’s chill.

Supposedly, multiple systems can be both trauma-born and not-trauma-born. The latter is usually called endogenic, I think. DID/OSDD are two disorders that cause multiplicity, but as far as I know they are not the only ways to have multiplicity. You can soulbond and things, which is like the copinglink for multiplicity as in you bring someone in voluntarily. (Tulpas are also a multiplicity thing.)

Part Two: How Do I Deal With Maybe Being Otherkin Without Just Screaming Into The Void

First things first. My way is not the only way to do it. It is one method, but it tends to work for lots of people so here’s the method I know. It’s chill to ask around and figure out what others do, and then find the method that works for you.

Second things second. Do not ask a pendulum or divination blog to kinfirm something. It is a terrible method. You can divine yourself, but do not ask anyone online. Nobody’s divination is always right, and when you’re doing it online, the chance of being right drops exponentially. Bad method, 0/10 do not recommend. (You can totally divine for yourself, though. My tarot deck is particularly sassy about my own god complex from kinfeels.)

And the actual method.

1. Go create a sideblog. Name it whatever, find a nice theme you like. Make sure it is readable and not just pretty.

2. Make a tags page. I suggest doing this over a couple of days, because you are going to forget what tags you need. You want to sort between ‘angry vagueing about nothing making sense’ from ‘feels related to this’.

3. Document EVERYTHING EVER. If you think it is kin related, write that down. If you have vague memories of something, write that down too. Tag it appropriately, if only so you can find it later. (’tag later’ is a good tag if you’re on the go and know you’ll forget if you don’t write it down now.)

What I also do is fill this blog specifically with images that resonate with me. I use a queue and tagging system for this. (White blossoms is the tag for gentle TLW things; whereas black blossoms is General Edge(TM).) You should put images that resonate with you in a Particularly Kin Way on that blog. If it’s art or anything, remember to source it, though. Reblog, don’t repost. 

Also, if you’re into requesting things from kin blogs like stimboards or aesthetics, have a reqs tag for them! Keeps it all in one place and you know where you got them from. I like JUST put in mine and I am angry I didn’t do it before.

Then, self introspection. You need to ask why on everything ever. Question things. Do you do insertthinghere because your parents said so, or does it seem like you just have to? 

If questioning feels very upsetting or uncomfortable, stop for the day. I don’t recommend any more than an hour and half in one go. Your brain will confirm things that aren’t true in order to work with you. (Confirmation bias, I think it’s called.) Keep the questioning to short bursts, even if you’re on a roll.

If you must go longer, document document DOCUMENT. Writing things down makes them clearer, and halfway through writing you’ll go “oh shit that’s why that happens”.

It’s okay if your writing is messy or only makes sense to you. This is all your own, and how you go about it is entirely your decision. 

Questioning should take you weeks or months. There are a few outliers who can kinfirm something in two days and be right, but let’s be honest here: nobody likes them because we all envy them and want to be them, so we don’t like them. All jokes aside, keep it to a pace you can handle and don’t bite off more than you can chew.

Got all that? Good. Now do a shit ton of research. If you’re questioning, say, harpykin, chase links across Wikipedia and read everything you can get your hands on about harpies. You might come across something else that’s close to it: off the top of my head, the Maximum Ride series, for example, is close-ish to harpies. Check that out too, but if it doesn’t resonate, don’t push it. If it ain’t a thing and you know it isn’t, don’t bother with it, it’ll get you nowhere.

Ask around! Don’t be afraid to ask someone “hey do you think this could happen?” Nobody’s input is the end all be all, but if they’re someone you think is educated on the matter, take it into consideration. (You would not believe how much of an idiot I felt like while doing research on demonology and a friend pointed out that Christianity is not the only religion with demons. It’s obvious, but never occurred to me. You will get that feeling at some point. Happens to the best of us.)

Lastly, go at your own pace. And if you have done all of this, it will be several months from now. Go back and look at your oldest kin documents. You will understand it all so much better, and you’ll mentally high-five your past self for knowing so little, but being so full of hope anyway.

Of course, if after all of this someone tries to invalidate you, it won’t work. You’ll have done the research, the self introspection, the grueling grind of “why why why?”. They can’t tell you the sky is red if you’re not colourblind. If they try to grill you for your information, you can point them nicely towards your probably-a-trainwreck of a sideblog and they will see your documented adventure of ‘what am I?’. And then they will stop talking, because you have proven that you know what’s up.

And as the very last piece of advice? You will be wrong. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can be questioning. You can say “I don’t fucking know!!”. You are allowed to have bumps and wrong turns in your journey. They will happen. It’s okay. Take a deep breath, see where you might have made a mistake, write that down, and keep going. Progress is progress. You’ll figure it out eventually, no need to know it all right this very minute.

I hope this helps, little anon! This is how I came to find out I was- and I’m not done yet, either. I have some oceanic kinfeels that I know exist but don’t know what they are: fuckers better show themselves to me soon because I’m onto them. Who knows where that adventure will take me.

[theleftpill]

I'm not sure why I keep turning to your blog but you seem like a reasonable person so here I am again. The truth is, I'm feeling very lost. I wouldn't call myself a tjlc'er because I don't want to be associated with the core group. I don't go after other ships, I stay clear of discourse etc but I managed to convince myself that johnlock was going to happen. I don't know exactly when this shift between shipping johnlock and believing in it wholeheartedly occurred but it did. The fandom - or at +

I am cackling with glee over the Wank Pack’s flailings and drinking their tears with gusto but it’s you, dear Anon, and others like you, who number far far greater than the Wankers, who I feel for and get angry and frustrated for and I mean my heart breaks a little, honestly, reading your ask.  I’m so sorry you’re feeling so lost and hurt right now.  It’s an awful place to be in.  Especially since the whole thing has been manufactured by a “chosen” few - not jlock, which is a great ship, and not even t*lc, which as a theory and a fan exercise could have been a lot of fun and harmless - but this strident insistence that it was the only framework that the show could exist in and that it was the only endgame.  Because it just isn’t true.

You have no reason to feel ashamed for believing in tjlc.  You found something that resonated with you, that you felt strongly about, that you were able to connect with other people through, which put a smile on your face and made you happy, yes?  There’s no reason to feel ashamed by that.  The only reason you would have to feel ashamed is if you attacked other people for “not believing,” for being “casuals”, for shipping other pairings.  If you engaged in anything like that, now would be a good time to send some apologies.  That will help not just them but also you.  Make up for the shitty things.  You’ll mend some hurt feelings and feel more in control of your situation. 

Then remind yourself and keep remembering that the only people who should feel ashamed about this whole mess are the ones who started attacking others, who sent harassment and abuse to other fans, who sent harassment and abuse to the creators and actors and the BBC, who continue to do that, who continue to insist that they’re right and to “keep believing” and to brainwash and gaslight others into staying with the Conspiracy.  Those are the people who need to be ashamed.  If that’s not you, then you don’t take responsibility.  If that is you, then *stop.*

Yes, the core is louder and angrier and more determined than anyone else in that branch right now - they always have been.  But it is possible to take back your control from them.  Shut them out.  Unfollow them and anyone who reblogs them.  If you’re unfollowing a friend, tell them why so they understand.  Block freely and with gusto.  Clear your dash.  Don’t go into the tags.  My tumblr friends are always commenting on the hate they see on their dash; I never see it.  Because I’m careful of who I follow and who I interact with.  When you find a healthier space in tumblr, spread the word to others who feel the same way as you.  It is possible to enjoy tumblr without engaging in the ugly side.  It takes work but you can do it.

I think that right now, since you’re really feeling hurt, the next best course of action is to step back from Sherlock and the fandom; to what degree is up to you.  The episodes have aired, there’s not going to be a fourth.  The narrative that’s been presented is not going to change.  Accept that first.  Then you decide how to enjoy the show and fandom:  Do you continue to enjoy the show with a shifted pov?  Do you continue to enjoy the show believing in jlock, which of course can be done and is completely valid for yourself?  Do you ignore S4?  Do you withdraw from the people you find toxic and clear your dash of the petitions and revenge and aggression?  Do you maybe find the others who are like you - want to believe but don’t want to be involved with the hate?  Do you find entirely new groups of fans and new ships?  Do you withdraw from tumblr completely?  Do you walk away from the show entirely?  All of these options are possible, but you’re the only one who knows what’s best for you. 

I’m so sorry you’re in such a bad place.  It never should have gotten this far.  I am glad that you feel you can come to my blog and to me; you can always turn to me if it helps.  I might not always be the quickest responder but I am always happy to connect with fans and friends who might need a shoulder.  Find others like me.  They’re out there.  Surround yourself with the good stuff.  Watch the episodes you love the best and enjoy the good parts.  Maybe start to see new things to love about them.  Sherlock is an amazing show, for all its faults.  Find something entirely new to drift into - a new show, a new hobby, something other than television, whatever you need to fill that gap.

Good luck, and let me know how you’re doing.  I wish you the best.