#also of being unsure of my own talents

[onelastkiss4you]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard Just Went From A Good RPG To One Of BioWare’s Most Important Games

In light of BioWare scattering some of its most foundational veteran talent to the winds, Dragon Age: The Veilguard sure reads like something made by people who saw the writing on the wall. The RPG leaves off on a small cliffhanger that could launch players into a fifth game, but I’m skeptical that we’ll ever get it. The quickness with which publisher Electronic Arts gutted BioWare and masked it with talk of being more “agile” and “focused” shortly after it was revealed The Veilguard underperformed in the eyes of the power that be makes me wonder if BioWare was also unsure it would get to return to Thedas a fifth time. Looking back, I’m pretty convinced the team was working as if Rook’s adventure through the northern regions of this beloved fantasy world might be the last time anyone, BioWare or fan, stepped foot in it. But that may have only made me appreciate the game even more.

Yeah, I might be doomsaying, but there’s a lot of reasons to do so right now. The loss of talented people like lead writer Trick Weekes, who has been a staple in modern BioWare since the beginning of Mass Effect, or Mary Kirby who wrote characters like Varric, the biggest throughline through the Dragon Age series, doesn’t inspire confidence that EA understands the lifeblood of the studio it acquired in 2007. The Veilguard has been a divisive game for entirely legitimate reasons and the most bad-faith ones you can imagine on the internet in 2025, but my hope is that history will be kinder to it as time goes on. 

A Kotaku reader reached out to me after the news broke to ask if they should still play The Veilguard after everything that happened. My answer was that now we are probably in a better position to appreciate it for what it was: a (potentially) final word.

The Veilguard is just as much a send-off for a long-running story as it does a stepping stone for what (might) come. Its secret ending implies a new threat is lurking somewhere off in the distance but by and large, The Veilguard is about the end of an era. BioWare created an entire questline essentially writing Thedas’ history in stone, removing any ambiguity that gave life to over a decade of theory-crafting. As a long-time player, I’m glad The Veilguard solidifies the connective tissue between what sometimes felt like world of isolated cultures that lacked throughlines that made the world feel whole. But sitting your cast of weirdos down for a series of group therapy sessions unpacking the ramifications of some of the biggest lore dumps the studio has ever put to a Bluray disc isn’t the kind of narrative choice you make if you’re confident there’s still a future for the franchise. 

Unanswered questions are the foundation of sequels, and The Veilguard has an almost anxious need to stamp those out. Perhaps BioWare learned a hard lesson by leaving Dragon Age: Inquisition on a cliffhanger and didn’t want to repeat the same restriction. But The Veilguard doesn’t just wrap up its own story, it concludes several major threads dating back to Origins and feels calculated and deliberate. If BioWare’s goal with The Veilguard was to bring almost everything to a definitive end, the thematic note it leaves this world on acts as a closing graf summing up a thesis the series hopes to convey.

Pushing away the bigotry that has followed The Veilguard like a starving rat digging through trash, one of the most common criticisms I heard directed against the game was that it lacked a certain thorny disposition that was prevalent in the first three games. Everyone in the titular party generally seems to like each other, there aren’t real ethical and philosophical conflicts between the group, and the spats that do arise are more akin to the arguments you probably get into with your best friends. It’s a new dynamic for the series. The Veilguard doesn’t feel like coworkers as The Inquisition did or the disparate group who barely tolerated each other we followed in Dragon Age II. They are a friend group who, despite coming from different backgrounds, factions, and places, are pretty much on the same page about what the world should be. They’re united by a common goal, sure, but at the core of each of their lived experiences is a desire for the world to be better.

This rose-colored view of leftism doesn’t work for everyone. At its worst, The Veilguard can be saccharine to the point of giving you a cavity, which is far from what people have come to expect from a series in which Fenris and Anders didn’t care if the other lived or died. It also bleeds into a perceived softening of the universe. Factions like the Antivan Crows have essentially become the Bat Family with no mention of the whole child slavery thing that was our first introduction to them back in Origins. The Lords of Fortune, a new pirate faction, goes to great lengths to make sure you know that they’re not like the other pirates who steal from other cultures, among other things. I joked to a friend once that The Veilguard is a game terrified of getting canceled, and as such a lot of the grit and grime has been washed off for something shiny and polished. 

That is the more critical lens to view the way The Veilguard’s sanitation of Thedas. To an extent, I agree. We learned so much about how the enigmatic country of the Tevinter Imperium was a place built upon slavery and blood sacrifice, only for us to conveniently hang out in the common poverty-stricken areas that are affected by the corrupt politics we only hear about in sidequests and codex entries. But decisions like setting The Veilguard’s Tevinter stories in the slums of Dogtown gives the game and its writers a place to make a more definitive statement, rather than existing in the often frustrating centrism Dragon Age loved to tout for three games.

I have a lot of pain points I can shout out in the Dragon Age series, but I don’t think one has stuck in my craw the way the end of Anders rivalry relationship goes down in Dragon Age II. This is a tortured radical mage who is willing to give his life to fight for the freedom of those who have been born into a corrupt system led by the policing Templars. And yet, if you’ve followed his rivalry path, Anders will turn against the mages he, not five minutes ago, did some light terrorism trying to free. In Inquisition, this conflict of ideals and traditions comes to a head, but you’re able to essentially wipe it all under the rug as you absorb one faction or the other into your forces. So often Dragon Age treats its conflicts and worldviews as toys for the player to slam against one another, shaping the world as they see fit, and bending even the most fiercely devoted radical to your whims. And yes, there are some notable exceptions to this rule, but when it came to world-shifting moments of change, Dragon Age always seemed scared to assert that the player might be wrong. Mages and Templars, oppressed and oppressors, were the same in the eyes of the game, each worthy of the same level of scrutiny.

Before The Veilguard, I often felt Dragon Age didn’t actually believe in anything. Its characters did, but as a text, Dragon Age often felt so preoccupied with empowering the player’s decisions that it felt like Thedas would never actually get better, no matter how much you fought for it. While it may lack the same prickly dynamics and the grey morality that became synonymous with the series, The Veilguard’s doesn’t just believe that the world is full of greys and let you pick which shade you’re more comfortable with. It’s the most wholeheartedly the Dragon Age universe has declared that the world of Thedas can be better than it was before.

Essentially retconning the Antivan Crows to a family of superheroes is taking a hammer to the problem, whereas characters like Neve Gallus, a mage private eye with a duty-bound love for her city and its people, are the scalpel with which BioWare shifts its vision of how the world of Thedas can change. Taash explores their identity through the lens of Dragon Age’s longstanding Qunari culture, known for its rigidness in the face of an ever-changing world, and comes out the other end a new person, defined entirely by their own views and defying others. Harding finds out the truth behind how the dwarves were severed from magic and still remembers that she believes in the good in people. The heroes of The Veilguard have seen the corruption win out, and yet never stop believing that something greater is possible. It's not even an option in The Veilguard's eyes. The downtrodden will be protected, the oppressed will live proudly, and those who have been wronged will find new life.

That belief is what makes The Veilguard a frustrating RPG, to some. It’s so unyielding in its belief that Thedas and everyone who inhabits it can be better that it doesn’t really entertain you complicating the narrative. Rook can come from plenty of different backgrounds, make decisions that will affect thousands of people, but they can never really be an evil bastard. If they did, it would fundamentally undermine one of the game’s most pivotal moments. In the eleventh hour, Dragon Age mainstay Varric Tethras is revealed to have died in the opening hour, and essentially leaves all his hopes and dreams on the shoulders of Rook. After our hero is banished to the Fade and forced to confront their regrets in a mission gone south, Varric’s spirit sends Rook on their way to save the day one last time. He does so with a hearty chuckle, saying he doesn’t need to wish you good luck because “you already have everything you need.” He is, of course, referring to the friends you have calling to you from beyond the Fade. 

Varric, the narrator of Dragon Age, uses his final word to declare a belief that things will be okay. This isn’t because Rook is the chosen one destined to save the world, but because they have found people who are unified by one thing: a need to fight for a better world. But that’s what makes it compelling as a possibly final Dragon Age game. Reaching the end of a universe’s arc and being wholly uninterested in leaving it desecrated by hubris or prejudice is a bold claim on BioWare’s part. It takes some authorship away from the player, but in return, it leaves the world of Thedas in a better place than we found it.

The Veilguard is an idealistic game, but it’s one that BioWare has earned the right to make. Dragon Age’s legacy has been one of constantly shifting identity, at least two counts of development hell, and a desire to gives players a sandbox to roleplay in. Perhaps, as Dragon Age likely comes to a close, it’s better to leave Dragon Age with a game as optimistic as the people who made it. I can’t think of a more appropriate finale than one that represents the world its creators hope to see, even as the world we live in now gives us every reason to fall to despair.

In my review for The Veilguard I signed off expressing hope for BioWare’s future that feels a bit naive in retrospect. Would a divisive but undeniably polished RPG that felt true to the studio’s history be enough when, after 10 years of development, rich suits were probably looking for a decisive cultural moment? That optimism was just about a video game. Having lived through the past 32 years, most of the optimism I’ve ever held feels naive to look back on. I think I’m losing hope that the world will get any better. But even if we haven’t reached The Veilguard’s idealized vision, I’ll take some comfort in knowing someone previously at BioWare still believes it’s possible. - ken shepard, shepardcdr.bsky.social

[dwaekkicidal]

𝖪𝗂𝗇𝗄𝗍𝗈𝖻𝖾𝗋: '𝖩𝗎𝗌𝗍 𝖱𝖾𝗅𝖺𝗑' ༄࿔ H.H.

⤷ Massages | Hand Kink | Breath Play

♱ word count: 2.7k

♱ warnings: fem!reader, “happy ending” massage, hand kink, fingering, choking, multiple orgasms (just 2), unprotected p in v, creampie

♱ notes: honestly really tame compared to the others... i was trying so hard not to make him into mean dom lol ALSO im posting this really late in the day compared to the others so i apologize lol

not proofread thoroughly (sorry hehe)

Kinktober Schedule

DO NOT republish or translate+post my work!

Your head is throbbing and your eyes are drying up the longer you sit at your desk. Not a single concept from the last 2 units you read had made sense in your head, and you could barely remember the last sentence you just read.

Thanks to the constant stress you had been under from school, you had a horrible headache and couldn’t stop your leg from bouncing. You needed a break. And luckily for you, a new spa had opened up in your area that was having a “Grand Opening Sale.”

Which is what inevitably led you to your current state; lying face down on top of the comfortable padded table and staring down into the dark brown wood of the floor. Your masseur, a beautiful man named ‘Hyunjin’ had his back to you while his equally beautiful hands jumped around between warming up the oil and putting on music.

The snap of a bottle cap opening was heard and he soon drizzled warmed oil all over your back. You sighed happily at the warmth alone, but even more so when his long fingers began to smear the slippery substance all over your skin that he could get to.

And just like that, he worked his way around your achy body. His beautiful hands worked out each and every knot. The initial awkwardness had completely disappeared and was replaced with exhaustion as he worked his way around your torso muscles like some sort of muscle angel sent from above.

His hand worked wonders on your tense body and the warmed oil helped with breaking down your tension. So much so that you found yourself getting too relaxed. Too comfortable and too attracted to the man above you who was currently easing your body into what you swore was some sort of heaven.

Between the very attractive man behind you easing away the last few months' worth of stress and the constant reminder of his godly hands all over your body, your whole being starts to ache with need. So much so that your legs shake from the way you have to stop them from pressing together.

Your mind wanders on its own and the sound of his breathing is enough to set you off. He gets to a particularly rough spot on your back and you bite your lip hard in order to hide the sexual moan that was about to leave your mouth.

A huff leaves his lips and you’re unsure of what context it's under, though you’re quick to learn that he’s very aware of your body’s reactions to him. He finds it amusing and eggs you on further, moving his hands up to your shoulders and squeezing the flesh there extra tenderly and rubbing circles into the nape of your neck.

You start to wonder if his fingers are also this talented with- “Can you flip over for me?”

“Huh?” His husky voice hits you right in your pussy and it takes a moment to process what he says. He tilts his head playfully when you look back at him and repeats himself again, eyes staring into your soul as he does so. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding and nodded slowly, waiting for him to turn around to flip your body.

Once you give him the ok, he turns back around to you and meets your eyes, smiling sweetly as he moves to stand over you. He wastes no time and sets his hands on your legs, working his way up slowly but surely as he continues his job and his goal.

And that goal would be exactly what led his hands to your thighs, squeezing the flesh there even after he had worked his way through all the knots. He smiles to himself when your eyes squeeze shut and your legs shake with that movement, so he does it again. This time much higher up on your thigh.

Your legs finally squeeze shut, trapping his hands between your legs and you gasp. He laughs to himself when you spit out an apology and shakes his head, rubbing your thigh with his thumb as he keeps his hands where they are, even after you release them.

“Is this ok?” He stares into your eyes and waits patiently for a response, not daring to make any more moves while he waits. You think for a moment as you stare back into his eyes and eventually nod, spreading your legs just the slightest bit more and waiting for him to make his next move.

He throws you a sexy smirk and proceeds with his movements, now growing bold enough to slip them over the small towel that covers your lower half. One of his long fingers traces around your hole, dipping in just the tiniest amount, and pulls back out to trace your clit with your wetness.

“So wet already.” He chuckles and leans forward, planting his free hand by your face as he leans in to kiss your cheek. As he does, he inserts his finger inside of you. It moves around expertly, curving just slightly into your walls looking for your G-spot, and thrusting at a speed that was too slow and just enough at the same time.

“Please, more…” You whine and squirm, looking up at him under your lashes with puppy eyes in hopes that it would convince him. But he doesn’t need much convincing when you look so pretty below him. So he listens immediately and inserts a second finger.

They work in tandem to build you up, finally finding your G-spot and curling into it repeatedly while now moving at a faster pace, one that’s less torturous but still doesn’t feel like enough. You spread your legs further apart and lean up to rest on your elbows, your forehead almost knocking his in the process.

He laughs under his breath at your eagerness and continues his ministrations as he holds eye contact with you, eyes dark and a sexy smile on his face. Your desperateness is adorable to him and he can’t help but give in, adding a third finger while keeping up his pace.

“What got you so riled up, Angel?” He tilts his head at you and leans forward more, pushing his forehead against yours. You moan desperately and grind your hips forward, sucking his fingers in even deeper. “Answer me and I’ll give you everything you want.” You look up at him from under your eyelashes and clench at the lust-dripping look he gives you.

“I just think your hands and your fingers are really pretty…” One of his eyebrows perks up in curiosity before a giant grin spreads across his face.

“Yeah?” His voice drops a few octaves and his biceps flex as he shoves his fingers into the knuckles. “These fingers?” He punctuates his sentence with a tight curl of his fingers against your G-spot and your eyes roll into the back of your head. He watches with a smile as you throw your head back and your jaw slacks. He leans forward and takes advantage of the new space, leaving wet, sloppy kisses all over your neck.

He’s careful not to leave marks as he does so, even pulling away sometimes to coo in your ear and tell you to keep your eyes on his hand or else he’ll stop. And you obey, eyes glued to his wrist and watching the way his veins pop out each time he curls his fingers. It makes you clench more around him and you can feel your orgasm building up even faster now.

“You wanna cum, Angel?” His deep voice makes your jaw drop and your leg attempt to twitch closed. His smile never falters but he tsks when you don’t answer the question. He bottoms out his fingers all the way and stops all movements, eyes glued to yours as he repeats his question. 

“Y-Yes! I wanna cum, please-” His fingers pick up their pace immediately and he fixes his posture, freeing up his left hand in favor of reaching between your legs. His thumb messily plays with your clit as he fingerfucks you and you keen.

It doesn’t take long for you to unravel, your gummy walls sucking him in further and your clit throbbing as you finish with a loud moan of his name. He chuckles and removes his thumb, moving his hand up to your mouth and shoving his thumb into your cheek.

“Shhhh… We don’t want anybody getting suspicious, do we?” You don’t bother replying. Instead, you throw your head back and grind your hips forward as he continues to ride out your orgasm. Once your legs start to close around his torso, he eases his fingers out of you, reveling in the way they shimmer from your release.

His touch leaves you completely as his hand rests on his upper thigh, the other one moving up to his face where he sucks his pointer finger clean. You watch through fluttering eyelids as he closes his eyes and moans around his finger, even going as far as to make an obscene smacking noise as he releases it.

Your eyes meet again and he smiles before licking his lips and tilting his head at you. “Be good and open your mouth for me.” You comply in an instant and his lip twitches, he has to bite his lip to hide his smirk.

He holds eye contact with you as he reaches forward. Once his hand is close enough, his eyes move down to watch his middle and ring finger tracing the outline of your lips. The sight of him paints your lips with your own release, giving you makeshift lip gloss if you will, makes him bite his lip.

Butterflies grow in your stomach at the sight and you take it a step further; leaning in, grabbing his wrist, and wrapping your lips around those same fingers. His smile falters and his eyes look to yours only to be met with an intense stare back. One that drives him absolutely mad and makes his dick twitch in his khakis.

He moans when his fingertips hit your throat and he feels his control leaving his body. A quiet curse leaves his mouth as he pulls his hand away from you, using the now “clean” hand to wrap around your throat as the other pops open the button on his pants.

“You’re so fucking hot- I need to be inside of you right now or else I’ll die.” You let out a giggle that eventually gets interrupted by a moan as he tightens his grip on you. Then again when he spins you and pulls you to the edge of the table before tapping his cock against your folds.

“Prettiest Angel I’ve ever seen… Gonna make you mine, baby. You want that?” You open your mouth to respond and he pushes his tip in at the same time, hand squeezing just the slightest amount more as he pushes inch by inch in.

He’s long and it feels like he’s in your guts when he finally bottoms out, his balls resting flat against your ass. The hand around your throat finally loosens its hold and you gasp for air, head throbbing as you catch your breath.

“H-Hyunjin…”

“Angel- You okay?” You nod and he simply hums in response leaning forward and unintentionally spreading your legs further so he can push his lips against yours. Almost instinctively you open your mouth for him and you can’t hold back a moan when his tongue pushes in.

He takes his time kissing you, allowing you some time to adjust to his size as he slowly grinds his hips against yours. His hands caress your arms soothingly before one rests on your neck, not quite squeezing but just resting there. The other traces your body, moving from your arm down your waist before finally stopping at your hips where he squeezes the flesh appreciatively. 

He squeezes one more time before planting his hand on the table next to your ass and reluctantly pulls away from your lips. Your own hands rest on his shoulders and your nails dig into his soft skin as he starts moving his hips.

“Give it to me, please” He moans and rolls his head back, hips stuttering as he processes what you’re requesting. He sighs deeply and sharply thrusts into you before shaking his head.

“Mm-mm… I’ll fuck your brains out next time. Just relax, Angel. I’m gonna fuck you nice and slow.” You whine loudly and pout up at him but nod your head when the hand on your neck cups your cheek.

His lips push against yours again as he caresses your cheek, and when he pulls away a smile paints his features. He can’t deny you when you look up at him so desperately, so he allows some leeway. His hips start moving, not as slowly as he wanted but just enough to make you shiver deliciously.

He fucks into you with sharp, yet thorough thrusts all while having the cutest smile on his face. And contrary to his facial expression, he’s mixing your guts around each time his hips meet yours, and his hand returns to your neck where it rips the air out of your lungs.

Quiet, breathy gasps leave your mouth as he fucks you silly, not even needing to pound you roughly to make you see stars. It makes you dizzy as you briefly think about this “next time” he speaks about. If this isn’t him fucking you dumb then you can’t wait to see what he has in store for you.

But none of that matters now. Not when he uses the hold on your neck to push you down onto the table. He has to release you to do so and traces his hand up your torso right after. The towel on your chest is long gone, half hanging off the table as it squeaks from his movements, and gives him free reign to rub your nipples softly.

Then his hand moves back up to your neck, this time only ghosting over it before you hear a choked command to “Open.” You do open your lips, but it’s only to ask what he means. However, you don’t get that far.

The same fingers you sucked clean minutes ago thrust suddenly into your mouth, pressing down against your tongue and making you gag. He laughs and apologizes, pulling them out just enough to not cause you to gag again.

He licks his lips as you suck the digits, swirling your tongue around them in a way he can only imagine you would do to his cock. The imagery of that alone is enough to push him closer to the edge, so he drags you to your own with him.

“Cum for me again- ok, Angel?” The fingers in your mouth pull out and rush to your clit where he rubs back and forth furiously. “Cum for me and we can get out of here.” He forces a smile through your tight cunt’s incessant sucking of him and quickens his thrusts.

Although sloppy and not as calculated as before, he manages to push you to cum alongside him, both his hips and his hands faltering as you milk him dry. He cums with a pretty moan, face scrunching up in pleasure and his still-clothed body shaking through it.

You’re not faring any better, your own face scrunched up and your body twitching from the overstimulation that starts to wrack through your body. You’re lucky he pulls away when he did because your body starts to tremble as he uses you to ride his orgasm out.

“You okay?” He’s still catching his breath but he pulls out and leans forward, his softening cock resting against your thigh as he places kisses all over your collarbone.

“Mhm…” You're not sure if you are even on the same planet as you were an hour ago, but he seems to be taking care of it as he helps you come down. His hands caressing your sides all over and his lips only leaving your skin to move to a new spot.

“Let’s get you out of here, yeah? My shift was supposed to end once this… ‘massage’ was over, so let me treat you.” He giggles at your mindless nod and cups your cheek, rubbing it with his thumb as he waits for you to come down.

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[enden-k]

1st batch of random sketches of a loose ivlk au idea

in which ivan is a vocalist/lyricist in a band who lost his inspiration for music and finds it in luka, a burnt out musical prodigy, after getting entangled with him almost by fate; they become each others muse and obsession - and comfort

they share the similarity of being musical prodigies with abusive guardians/upbringing; ivan ran away from his and lives a free and unrestrained life singing in underground bars and clubs in a band he only joined bc of his best friend/childhood love. his feelings went unrequited for many years until he eventually and recently slowly got over it, coming to terms its no use and that they would never have a chance since hes "too intense", "too much", "not normal". bc of this, his inspiration disappeared since till was his muse all this time

luka stayed and became a golden-caged songbird, objectified and used by his possessive guardian bc of his talent. he was trained strictly since childhood and forced to perform on stage, study and pursue music, the only thing that he truly enjoys, to utmost perfection to the point of burn out and beyond. his guardian eventually passed and it left luka free but since his entire life was planned and dictated and control taken from him, he feels lost and alone, unsure what to do. music was the only purpose in his life, the only thing hes good at, he can do; hes burnt out and exhausted but still continues, the things his guardian ingrained into his mind still controlling his behavior and life

when luka meets ivan, his love for music gets rekindled without the pressure and abuse that loomed over him all his life; when ivan meets luka, his inspiration and love returns. theyre both scarred from their similar upbringing and situation which influences a lot of things they are/do (e.g. tendencies to become obsessive/possessive,...) theyre both considered and branded "odd" by people around them but they learn they can let go of their masks around each other and be themselves, finding comfort and healing together. what started as an entanglement w mutual benefits grows into mutual love

i babbled quite a bit kjhbkjbj.. 🧍‍♀️

(as obvious above, i love keeping close to canon while also mixing in own thoughts/my hcs when i do AUs so yea, luka still has asthma, migraines etcetc, but theyre also both autistic (not planning to make it relevant or focus, im just throwing it out there) and luka has an ED)

[mrs-elsie-barnes]

Let The Rain Fall | Bucky Barnes x Autistic!Reader | Short Series - Part 4 of 4 - 2.5k

Bucky isn't the only person looking to talk to you after you rescue the jet. But you're feeling far from heroic. But Bucky's seen you struggle before, and he's going to help you again too.

Warnings: description of a meltdown, angst, workplace bullying, negative introspection, but also fluff, Bucky being the softest and the sweetest, and...a kiss!

A/N: thank you to everyone who has read along, I'm so glad I finally shared this fic with you all and I hope you enjoyed it :)

<- Part 3

Masterlist | Let the Rain Fall Masterlist | Bucky Barnes

The compound was calm again, the debris from the attack was being cleaned up by Stark’s crew and everyone was back to their day jobs as if nothing happened. But Bucky couldn’t move, couldn’t go back to the gym or paperwork, and just forget what he’d seen. 

“She was just standing there, Steve, controlling the jet, she saved them all - I- what happened? What is she?” 

Steve didn’t look up from the report he was reading, “I told you, she has her own skills.”

“What skills?” Bucky paced back across the room and in front of Steve’s eyeline. 

“Can you sit down? You’re making me dizzy.” Steve shuffled up slightly to accommodate Bucky on the sofa as well. “Stop. Pacing.”

“Tell me.”

“I don’t know, her envelope is sealed. You’ve managed to get more out of her than any of us combined. So, I’m sure she’ll tell you in her own time.” He looked up at Bucky pointedly before returning to his report. 

"You know, don't you?"

Steve ran a hand down his face and then back up, ruffling his normally neat hair.

"I do, if I tell you, will you promise to leave her alone?"

"Honestly? I won't lie to you... But I still need to know."

"To save you getting in trouble, opening people's files, I'll tell you what you've already seen. But then you have to leave her alone. I can't fight HR about you again."

Bucky sat down finally, watching the side of Steve's face.

"Telekenisis, that's what I heard when she joined." Steve went back to his paperwork, feeling the pressure of Bucky's stare before, turning to him. "Three years at Xavier's before graduating, she worked there for a while, then college, then here. To my knowledge she's only used her powers during emergencies, no field work, never requested it and always turned down our offers. She just likes being here, doing a normal job, and Stark likes having -" Steve paused, unsure of the word to use, "people with powers, on site, none combatant, just in case."

"She came out in the field with us though? Why?"

Steve laughed, pointedly looking Bucky up and down before slapping his friend on the shoulder.

"Why indeed. Now, keep it to yourself, don't go gettin' yourself in to trouble."

Despite Steve’s insistence that you were left alone, his orders didn’t trickle down to the other swat and tactical teams in the compound. 

For the rest of the week you found team leaders, colleagues and even a few other agencies dropping into your inbox and asking you to help. 

After a few days with no responses the Team B chief tactical officer even turned up at your door, banging on the wood and demanding to speak to you. 

“Come on Agent, you know you’d be valuable in the field -” she’d paused, waiting for you to answer. But your words were gone, your mind foggy, incapable of anything but sitting quietly and staring out of the windows.

You could see some trees waving in the distance and focused on the way the top branches danced together. The view wasn't as nice as the one from Bucky's apartment and you tried to tell yourself that's what you were missing, the view, and not the man himself who would surely distance himself from you after this ridiculous display.

Fresh tears poured as your sub-conscious continued to berate you internally.

“Don’t you think it’s selfish to keep your talent to yourself? Think how many people you could save!” 

You gave the Officer nothing, staying silent, the clouds slowly filled in behind the trees, drifting, drifting, your nails biting into your palms, shoulders bumping the chair as you rocked to and fro in time with the trees.

“Alright, think of how many people will die because you’re too fucking selfish and lazy to help them - have it your way, stay here behind a desk, let your fellow agents injure themselves needlessly doing work you should be doing.” 

With that the Team B Tactical Officer stormed off back down the corridor, and you burst into tears. 

“It’s not selfish,” you whispered to yourself, squeezing the blanket tighter around your shoulders, “it’s not selfish, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”

Your corridor was quiet, as it always was. No sign if you were in or not apart from the muddy boots left outside of your door. Bucky heaved in a breath, preparing for you to send him away. He knocked and waited. 

Nothing. 

He knocked again. 

Nothing. 

“Look, I know you’re in there.”

“Go.” 

Your voice sounded broken, tired. 

"Just wanted to let you know we caught that guy, so…everything's safe for you to come out now."

"Okay."

“Are you okay?” 

“Fine.” 

Bucky sighed, “please just let me in, we don’t have to talk, just let me make sure you’re okay and then I’ll go.” 

The handle turned and the door cracked open almost imperceptibly. Bucky pushed it further, quickly stepping in and closing it behind him. You were very particular about your space, so he made sure to leave his coat and shoes by the door before slowly making his way to your living room. 

Like your office, your apartment was cosy and comfortable. He found you curled into an armchair by the window, your furniture the same Stark issued items that were in his own living space. But you’d made everything your own with cushions and throws, blankets neatly folded on every arm and a huge, plush rug demarcating the space. You looked small in the chair, a huge fluffy hoody pulled down over your knees, the hood up so you were just a pair of sad eyes, watching him from your personal den. 

“Hey, Doll.” Bucky gave you a weak smile, perching on the coffee table in front of you. It was littered with books and half full mugs of cold tea, multiple packets of your favourite biscuits, crumbs and ring marks where you’d run out of coasters. It wasn’t like you at all. 

He looked back at your doe eyes, red from crying, staring unblinking at a spot above his shoulder. If it was anyone else he’d think you were staring at his arm, but he knew better than that, you’d never stared at him like that, you weren’t even looking at him now. “Do you need to talk about anything?” He offered. 

Your eyes didn’t move from their fixed spot, but you shook your head from one side to the other, slowly. 

Bucky furrowed his brow in confusion. He’d never seen you like this. Since getting to know him he’d found you chatty and buoyant, excited to share things with him and even if you never looked at him for very long, you certainly didn’t stare vacantly through him. He always knew you were listening, despite your tendency to fiddle and fidget, because you asked him about things later, recalled the most minute details of his day, and it struck him how much he already missed talking to you. 

“Can I get anything for you?” You continued to stare, shrinking into yourself, but silent tears began to track down your cheeks. “I’m going to run you a bath, okay, and light some candles.”

Bucky sat on the edge of the tub, scrolling through playlists until he found one that seemed calming. He liked to use music to make himself feel better, relying on tunes from his childhood mostly, and while he wasn’t sure what you’d like he figured something upbeat and instrumental was probably a safe bet. 

When the bath was mostly full, bubbles spilling over the side and candles lit on the shelf, he went to collect you, expecting you to be in your robe or a towel. But you were still there, staring. 

He sat again and reached out, “your bath’s ready, Doll, do you want me to help get you in it?” 

“They could’ve died.” Your voice was a whisper, almost silent. 

“What?” 

“They could’ve died, if I did it wrong. I took a risk. I could’ve killed everyone. I shouldn’t. I promised.” Tears continued to flow and judging from the pinched line between your eyes you were beginning to get dehydrated.

He bent forward and scooped you into his arms, tucking you into his chest while he allowed your tears to pour out in sobs. Your whole body shook as he held you, rocking side to side and hushing gently in your ear. 

"I don't like doing it, I never controlled it right and it's too much pressure, Bucky, I just can't. Every time is like this - this - weight and-" you sighed, inhaling a shuddering breath, "it's just a lot of responsibility and I don't want it. I didn't ask for it, I just want to be me, in my office, with my paperwork, where I can't hurt anyone."

“No one was hurt, no one was hurt because you helped.” He soothed, “let’s get you in the bath, clean up your cheeks-” he pulled back, rubbing his vibranium thumb under the tears shimmering down your face, “you must be tired, you worked so hard.” 

“It wasn’t enough, I nearly dropped it.” 

“You did a wonderful job.” 

“It wasn’t good enough.” You replied, hotly, stumbling away from his embrace. 

“No one was hurt, you saved the pilot and the ground crew. What more could you have done?” 

“I could have put him down in a safer place, found the attacker, got to the airstrip faster, I could’ve been better. I should’ve been better. If I trained, if I was on a proper team…” You stalked to the bathroom, rubbing at your tear stained face. “This is- this is why I can't be an agent. I can't do this every time something happens, I can't feel this guilt that I should've done better and yet -” you sobbed, “they come here and, they tell me I'm selfish. Maybe they're right. But I can't put myself through this every. Single. Time. I didn't ask for this. I didn't want it. I just wanted to be useful.”

“Doll,” Bucky's voice cracked. Is that really what you thought? That you had to be useful to be worth anything? “You don't have to do anything you don't want to. I just want to help, no one has to be useful to be worthy you know and -"

“Thank you for the bath.” You mumbled, cutting him off and shutting the door with a slam. 

Bucky stared at the door and listened to the sound of you climbing into the bath. He’d been ready to help, he’d wanted to help. But he knew this was for the best and he was two strides towards the door, jacket in hand, when he stopped. 

You been angry when you finally went into the bathroom, but before then it wasn't anger. You’d been sad and withdrawn and he thought back to the lonely evenings he’d spent staring out of the windows after his first therapy sessions. The way everyone had left him alone to his thoughts and it had somehow been so much worse. How he'd turned his own anger in on himself, berating himself for what he should've done.

He paused, putting his jacket back and surveying the now dark room. Light, that’s what you needed, the soft light from your many table lamps. He lit a candle on the coffee table and fluffed up the pillows from your nest of an armchair. 

Taking a risk, he peered into your bedroom and, spotting your pyjamas on the bed, spread them out neatly along with a dressing gown and some soft socks. 

You’d be hot after your bath so he made sure there was a bottle of sparkling water in the fridge, and plenty of cocoa in the jar, in case you wanted something hot. 

Then he waited, trying not to listen to the soft sound of water moving over your body or the way you started to hum along with the song.

"You take as long as you need, okay? I'll be right here when you get out. If you need to talk, if you need to just sit. I'll be right here."

There was quiet, the water still, and then your voice floated out, "thank you…I'm sorry."

"Never had to be sorry to me, Doll, beaten myself up enough times to know you're feeling worse right now. I just want you to remember one thing okay?"

"Okay?"

"You're enough exactly as you are right now."

The water moved again, "thank you." You sighed the words on an outbreath and Bucky heard the faint plash of tears again.

He walked away, as much as he wanted to push the door open and wrap his arms around you, this wasn't the time. So he settled onto the sofa, ready to wait.

You had emerged from your bath to the sight of Bucky passed out on your sofa, a book half open in his lap.

The pyjamas he’d left for you on your bed were so comfortable and for a minute you’d bathed in their scent as deeply as you had your bath. But then you were craving something else, something more grounding than floating away in your thoughts again and suddenly all you could think about was Bucky.

You’d been so rude, slamming the door on him, and part of you dreaded seeing him again and facing up to your behaviour. So finding him asleep in your living room was certainly not what you expected. 

“Oh, hey Doll, sorry, must’ve passed out. You alright?” He blinked awake, pushing himself up again and you watched the way his long shirt  rumpled around his waist, exposing the slightest slither of skin before it was hidden again. 

“I’m really sorry,” you mumbled, “you’ve been so kind and -” 

“I told you, nothing to apologise for,” he gave you a sleepy, lopsided smile and patted the cushion beside him, “come and get comfy, you want a snack?” 

You stared at him and watched the smile fall from his face. 

“I’ve overstayed my welcome, sorry.” 

He stood to go and your thoughts whirled, panicking, he can’t go, you needed him here, stay, stay, stay. Why wasn’t your mouth working? Stay! But nothing came out, you just carried on staring until - 

Your voice was broken, but your body wasn’t, and instead of asking him to stay you went careening into him, wrapping your arms around his waist and pressing your cheek to the worn material of his Henley. He smelt so good, warm and safe and your thoughts went quiet, your heart stopped racing. You sighed. 

Bucky looked down at you, one arm finding its way around your waist, the other cupping the back of your neck.

You looked up and his lips met yours, gentle, loving, understanding. He tasted of cinnamon and chocolate, his lips perfectly soft against your own.His hands flexed, holding you tighter, pressing into you and drawing you closer against his body.

“Stay,” your voice was swallowed by his kisses and he hummed his agreement, holding you tighter against him. You pulled away, resting your forehead against his. “It’s best -” you twirled his dog tags in your fingers, “if you’re really clear so I understand.” 

“I’ll stay as long as you’ll have me,” he smiled before finding your lips again. 

[ramshacklerumble]

i’ve had the concept of sorrel and cater working on a song for music club reasons in my head for a while (despite sorrel being in the film research club) and @twstinginthewind’s nrc music fest event popped up and i was like OH PERFECT!!! (explanatory ramble below)

regardless of the circumstances around just how they get into this project together, this whole thing is what gets them to get to know each other far better than anything else has since the time they’ve known one another. this is also a good example as to why they are unable to become romantically involved until adulthood.

cater is aware sorrel is at the very least attracted to him and while i wouldn’t say that he’s USING sorrel, he sure is taking advantage of whatever sorrel has for him to get sorrel to work on the project with him. this works out even better when sorrel shows legitimate aptitude for the song writing process (though much like with sorrel’s other work, he’s got a sharp perfectionist streak). though it’s nothing explosive, cater and sorrel do begin to clash in terms to how they approach the song and things get even more dicey for cater when VIL begins to question sorrel’s reasons for working with cater to begin with. she’s rather open about her views on cater being a flakey, uninspired and shallow phony and thinks little of sorrel “wasting” his talents on cater as she doesn’t think he’d truly appreciate any of it.

cater just wants something that looks and sounds cool for the ‘cam and vil doesn’t doubt they’ll be able to do that. but that’s just the issue, it’ll be just that.

her time working alongside sorrel as a creative on the film research club has shown her sorrel doesn’t work on anything for simple appearances. besides his genuine love and passion for his work, everything he works on has a message he truly believes in— be it a negative or positive one— it’s genuine. but when has cater ever done anything genuinely?

sorrel voices a quiet, but steady faith in cater being capable of creating something amazing— something that cater is secretly unsure how to feel about beyond feeling uncomfortable under the expectation. but cater also doesn’t miss the way sorrel begins to shift in the way he acts towards him as they continue working on this together.

sorrel himself is unsure what he actually feels for cater (in comparison to how he feels about trey at this point. that is, sorrel is fully aware he’s head-over-heels for the dude), but he does care about cater and he loves him as a friend, no question.

that said, it’s during the time that they’re working on this project together that sorrel realizes cater is…kind of really a mess. and though sorrel wants to continue to be cater’s friend and help when he’s able to— he gets the solid reality check that for his own mental health, he can’t be involved anymore beyond that with cater. he doesn’t push cater away exactly, more that sorrel minds how much of himself he’s willing to give away to him. (which is big for sorrel, who will give his entirety to someone he cares about, but that’s growth for you i suppose).

and i feel like this is definitely the start of an undercurrent of tension for the years to come, especially as cater’s coping mechanisms get more and more unhealthy.

taglist:

@cyanide-latte @inmateofthemind @tixdixl @blithesharem @thehollowwriter @jovieinramshackle

@theleechyskrunkly @skriblee-ksk @boopshoops @the-trinket-witch @twistedwonderlandshenanigans @kimikitti

@felix-cant-ski @nightwingshero @water-writings @beneathsakurashade (dm to be added)

[mrsriddles-blog]

Lorenzo Berkshire X Fem!Reader ???

Could you do a oneshot of the reader and Enzo being close friends? Basically they both secretly harbor feelings, but they don’t know how to tell each other. Reader starts to have spicy dreams about Enzo and get shy and flustered to be around him so she avoids him. Her bestie is Pansy. Basically, Pansy asks why reader has been so weird. Maybe a smutty ending between Enzo and Reader?

If Only | L.B

Pairing: Lorenzo Berkshire x Fem Slytherin Reader

WC: 5.9k+

Warnings/Notes: mild language, p in v, smut, fluff, angst…

Summary: Suddenly, you’re developing feelings for your best friend and you’re unsure what to do…

Authors Note: I suck at writing smut lmao I tried my best for the request and hope whoever requested this is happy! I’m soooooo sorry it took me so long to get to the request. While reading the request, it kind of sounded like something I read, but not completely you know, but it sounded familiar, so after going through my reading archives—I found the fic that it reminded me of. If you haven’t read it already, it’s called “Agora Hills” by @theostrophywife , so please go check out her piece! And her other work! It’s amazing! She is a super, super, super talented author!🤍

If someone were to ask you who your best friend was, you'd answer right away and tell them, "Lorenzo Berkshire."

There was no need for anyone to ask the question of course as it was pretty obvious. You two were always together. In fact, you guys were seen so often together that some began to question if you two were just friends. You were quick to deny the speculations and to shut any rumors down, but it didn't always help.

It didn't help that your own friend group also questioned your guys' relationship. You'd remind them it's "platonic" and it's just a "friendship" and not a "relationship". You begun to think that they enjoyed how flustered it made both you and Enzo.

Of course they choose to tease their two most empathetic, shy, and naive friends.

Out of your friend group, it was you who was the most empathetic. Sometimes your friends wondered how you got sorted into Slytherin. You were shy and always were timidly in the background. You weren't super confident in yourself mentally or physically. You were naive to the crudeness and cruelty ongoing around you. You were definitely the innocent one, a trait that your friends admired about you even though they sometimes secretly think your Hufflepuff or something.

You loved to tie a ribbon bow in your hair if that said anything. You use to do a pink ribbon, but everyone teased you for it, so you switched to an emerald green ribbon.

However, it was your friends who scared everyone away who teased you about your love for your bows. They loved your innocence, your naivety, your shyness, and your cuteness. You were like a female version of Enzo in their eyes, but a lot less exposed to the world compared to him. He hung out with the boys a lot because of Quidditch, so it was obvious he had not the most innocent mind.

Enzo and you have known each other since before Hogwarts. After all, your mothers were childhood best friends themselves and this wished the same for their future children. Your mothers were amazed when they ended up pregnant a few months apart. Enzo was older than you by four months, but you both were attached by the hip the moment you both met.

Your mothers believe the two of you are destined or something like that. They said they saw it the day they put their two babies in a room together. They claimed the sun brightened and that childish giggles were all they could hear as the two of your begun to play. Enzo and you always roll your eyes and smile, believing the two women were over exaggerating the day you two were introduced.

"Pans...could we talk about something?" You murmur.

The boys were practicing for their next Quidditch game on Friday against Ravenclaw. It was just Pansy, Astoria and you in the Common Room, but Astoria had fallen asleep while studying. Pansy was reading through her essay and you were trying to read your latest romance novel, but you couldn't quite focus.

"Yeah, of course! What's up?" She asks, looking up at you with a soft smile.

Her black hair was in its normal perfect bob, her green eyes sparkling in the soft glow from the fireplace. She was pale and had sharp features, light freckles dusting across her nose and cheeks. You were always envious of how perfect she looked.

You glanced around the Common Room, realizing it was just you three in the room which was rather strange, but you were thankful in the moment.

"I...I like someone, but I don't think I can like him." You admit softly, so softly she would have had missed it if she weren't accustomed to your soft tone.

"And why is that, honey?" She asks softly, sitting up as she angled herself more towards you.

"He's my friend. I doubt he likes me that way. Even if he did like me that way...I don't know if I could be with him. I'd be worried about losing him if things went array." You admit quietly, anxiously fidgeting with your hands.

"Hun, is this about Enz?" She asks softly, placing a hand over your fidgeting ones.

You look up from your hands, your cheeks flushing red as you meet her soft eyes and her soft smile. You nod slowly, your hair falling in your face, and you suddenly were thankful for the shield to protect you.

"What would you like to do? Would you like to find out where he stands?" She asks.

"I dunno...maybe...maybe I should wait. Maybe it'll go away." You mumble embarrassed.

"Okay, hun...why don't you talk to me after you wait and you're one hundred percent certain how you feel and I'll help you figure it out? How's that sound? It'll give you time to think about it and maybe I can sniff out some information for our next conversation." She says.

"Okay...thanks, Pans. You're the best." You murmur, hugging her.

She smiles, hugging you back as she waits until you pull away. You had always wondered about why she waited to pull away from a hug. You learned that she wanted to wait until the other person was ready to let go because maybe they really needed a hug. You loved that about Pansy and it made her hugs all the more special. 

You both abruptly pull apart when the guys walk in as they talk and yell obnoxiously loud. Astoria had jumped and fallen off the armchair she was curled up on. You and Pansy softly giggle before helping her up and sort her notes back out.

"Our girls! How are you three?" Theodore asks, the group of tall men surrounding you girls.

"I'm tired." Astoria grumbles, curling back up in the armchair, looping an arm around your waist.

You smile softly as her, continuing to play with her hair as she snuggled closer to you.

"We are alright. You boys should go get showered before dinner." Pansy says, a smile on her lips.

"Don't you want a hug, baby?" Blaise pouts.

"Not with how sweaty you are. I'm sure your Quidditch husband would love a hug right now though." She says, rolling her eyes playfully.

You giggle, shaking your head. Blaise and Pansy were such an adorable couple who bantered playfully.

"Girl, you can't pull that on me when you got your school wife." Blaise snorts.

"True. I did get pretty lucky with this fine piece of woman." Pansy says, winking at you as she kisses your cheek.

You flush red at her words, looking down at your lap as you smile shyly. Your hair served as a barrier against the boys' eyes who of course were teasing you about your reaction to Pansy.

You glance up at Enzo to see him staring at your knees with furrowed brows. Your cheeks flush red as you had fallen up the stairs earlier today and had nearly dragged Pansy down. You had some nasty bruises on your knees now.

"Stori, we should go get ready for dinner." You murmur.

"Noooooo." She grumbles, holding you tighter.

"Yesssss, I'm hungry and I'm teetering towards being hangry." You whine.

"And a hangry her is never good." Pansy snorts.

"Hey!" You exclaim with a pout.

"She isn't wrong, love. You are a tad bit scary when you're hangry." Lorenzo says, offering you one of his famous crooked smile.

"Meanie, your suppose to stand up for me." You grumble, crossing your arms over your chest as your pout.

Pansy snorts, rolling her eyes as she watches Enzo's cheeks flush red and he diverts his eyes to the carpet. Theodore clears his throat, catching Pansy's attention and he polity motions to your chest. Pansy snorts, loving how Theodore was always such a gentleman and it explained Enzo's reaction.

"Hun, you've got a few buttons undone and you're pushing your boobs up. I can see your bra too." Pansy whispers.

You flush red and immediately button up the buttons that came undone, struggling as the blouse was a tad bit tight, but you managed.

"Alright! We'll shower and head to dinner. Wait for us?" Theodore asks.

"Yep. Oh! I remembered what I was gonna ask this morning! I need one of your guys' extra jerseys for Friday. I may of forgotten your guys' custom made one for me at my house over break." You admit shyly.

"You can have mine, love." Enzo says softly and you smile thankfully.

"You're the best, Enz! I'd give you a hug, but you are a little sweaty." You say softly.

"She means a lot sweaty, but she's just being nice." Pansy says, her nose crinkling as she looks at the sweaty boys.

The boys all look at each other before grinning and tackling you girls into a hug as you girls squeal and beg for it to stop. You were being held against Enzo's sweaty chest and you look up with a pout as your nose crinkles slightly.

"That's not really nice, now we are all gonna have to shower." You grumble, your hands resting on his chest.

"Oh? What was that? You want more hugs?" He asks, the three of you girls getting passed between the guys once more before you ended up in his arms again.

"Uhhhh, you guys are such jerks." Astoria grumbles sleepily from her boyfriend's hold.

"She isn't wrong." Pansy huffs, shoving Theodore and Blaise away.

"Come on Y/n/n, let's go shower real quick." Astoria mumbles sleepily, holding a hand out to you.

You take her hand, looking at Pansy who takes your other outstretched hand.

"Together?" Theodore asks, his cheeks flushed red as the guys gape at you three.

"Oh yeah, we are gonna just lather each other up with soap and wash each other hairs." Pansy says sarcastically, winking at them as she smirks.

"We technically have showered all at once on a few occasions. I mean we are best friends and we've seen it all before." Astoria says with a shrug.

"And if we are going to get to dinner on time, I guess we'll have no choice." Pansy says, sighing with fake disappointment.

"Uh, can I watch?" Theodore asks before getting smacked by the other guys.

"Uh, girlfriend?" Blaise says in a duh tone.

"We are husbands, we can share a wife." He says.

"My girlfriend." Draco says in a duh tone.

"And no one can see Y/n/n." Mattheo says, his eyes flickering to Enzo.

You start to lead the girls out of the Common Room, heading towards your guys' shared dorm—even though it was just you a majority of the time in here.

"Alright, we have to study hard tonight guys. You boys have a Quidditch game tomorrow and if you don't pass your tests tomorrow, you'll be benched." Pansy says, walking in front of the boys who sat in a line.

You couldn't help, but giggle as Pansy was practically a General of sorts for these boys. She looks at you sharply and raises one of her perfectly sculpted eyebrows.

"You got something to say over there, pipsqueak? I believe if you fail the tests you get a week of detention." She says and you groan, sinking down into a seat next to Blaise.

"Ha!" Astoria says, pointing at you.

"If you fail, you'll be in detention for two weeks and excluded from any extra curricular as well." Pansy scolds.

Astoria sighs and sits down, the group zoning out as Pansy rants before leading them to the library where they take up four tables, the four most needed subjects to be studied for. You were sat next to Enzo who was entirely focused on his studies.

You studied for an hour and still have an hour and a half before dinner which was when this study session was going to be ended. You decide to rest your eyes for a moment, completely unaware of what could have gone wrong.

"Enzo? What are you doing in here?" You ask softly.

His hair was tousled, almost as if he had run his hand through it. His eyes weren't their normal soft and welcoming brown. There was a darkness to them, an edge to them you haven't seen in those eyes before.

"I can't stand it when you're so kind to those fools, love. Can't you see that they just want your attention because they think you're pretty? They don't actually need your help." He says.

His voice sounded an octave deeper as he takes slow deliberate steps towards you. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

"They just needed help, Enz. Why is it bothering you?" You ask softly, putting a hand on his arm.

"Because I see the way they look at you. They look at you the way I look at you. They want you, love. They want you like I want you." He murmurs, his eyes slowly looking over your face.

Your lips part in surprise as he wraps an arm around you, pulling you in. He leans down, kissing you hard. You kiss back softly, surprised by how soft his lips were despite the bruising force. His hands find your hips, slowly trailing down to the backs of your thighs. With a barely audible whisper of the word "jump", you do as your told, wrapping your legs around his waist.

His lips were on yours once more, climbing on the bed, slowly crawling up it before lying you down in the middle. He kisses down your jawline, unbuttoning your blouse with skilled fingers. He lifts you slightly, letting you shrug off the blouse as he reaches a hand behind you and undoes the clasp of your bra with two fingers.

"Enz." You whisper softly as he kisses down your neck.

Your fingers begin to undo the buttons to his button up, the two of you slowly working out of clothes. His pillow soft lips find yours once more and you tangle your fingers in his brown locks, holding him closer.

His lets a hand travel down between you both, groaning as he gathers your wetness on his fingers. You whimper, letting him toy with yours folds before pushing yourself in his hand as he pushes a finger inside of you.

"Enzo." You whimper, arching up to be closer to him.

"You're so pretty, baby." He murmurs, leaving marks behind on your neck.

You mind felt foggy, feeling as if you were in a state of shock because this was finally happening. This means he wants you too, right? He's had feelings all along?

"You gonna take my cock like a good girl, baby?" He murmurs, his lips brushing against yours as you looked up at him with your innocent eyes.

"Mhm, I will Enz." You whimper, squirming beneath him.

"You're my good girl, baby. My good and pretty girl." He murmurs as he slowly pushes his cock into you.

You whimper, your nails digging into his skin as you felt yourself stretch to accommodate him. His swollen lips find yours, swallowing your whimpers and soft moans.

He groans, his eyes fluttering closed as he rests his forehead against yours, letting you adjust.

"Oh Enz, you feel so good." You whimper, squirming once more.

He moves, leaving soft kisses on your neck as he starts to move his hips at a slow pace before he slowly picks up the pace. You moans grow louder and closer together as a coil of heat winds in your stomach.

"Such a pretty girl. Taking my cock so good. Mmm, you're such a good girl, baby. You're my good girl." He whispers.

"Your good girl, Enz, only yours." You whimpers

"That's right baby, only mine." He murmurs.

"I'm close, Enz." You whimper, your nails leaving behind bloody crescents in his arms.

"Cum for me, baby. Cum for me like the good girl you are." He murmurs.

"Enzo!" You cry out, coming around him.

He whimpers softly, feeling you squeeze around him. You whimper, feeling his warm seed coat your walls.

"Such a good girl, baby." He whispers into your hair.

"Need you, Enz." You whimper, your lips brushing against his cheek.

You jump awake, looking around slowly as your face flushed red. You realized everyone was still studying and you clench your thighs, feeling your soaked panties. You couldn't believe you just had a dream about your best friend—-right next to him.

"How was your nap, love? I promise I won't tell Pans. You needed it." He says, smiling softly at you.

"Uh, good. I...I'm going to go ahead and go a little early." You mumble.

"Oh? You okay? I can go with you." He says.

"No, that's okay. I-I just need some fresh air." You say.

"Oh...okay, see you later then?" He asks, smiling at you.

"Yeah, later." You whisper, grabbing your stuff and quickly leaving as you ignore Pansy's calls back.

"Here's Enzo's jersey. He said he tried to wait up for you, but you were taking too long." Pansy says, tossing it to you.

You chew at your lip nervously before you throw on the jersey. It was one from last year.

"I-uh-I dunno if I'm going to the game." You murmur.

"What!? This is the big game. At least one of the two. It's against Gryffindor!" She snaps.

"Easy." Astoria scolds.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm sorry." You mumble, scurrying away as she sighs and calls for you.

You hole yourself up in the bathroom until it's literally minutes until you had to leave. You slide the jersey back on, putting your hair in a ponytail with a green and silver ribbon. You slide your skirt on, tugging at it before rolling your eyes.

It was Astoria’s turn to do laundry this week which probably meant she forgot and did some spell which shrunk your guys' clothes—again. You slide your shoes on before you make your way to the field alone.  You couldn't quite get to the girls because the stands were so packed, so you stood a few rows up. You huff as you feel someone keep tugging on your ponytail.

You ignore it and focus on the game that began. They were currently matching up and you saw Enzo looking at the stands. You smile awkwardly when he spots you and he waves so you do the same before you see his frown as he focuses on the person behind you who was still tugging on your ponytail. You huff and pull it away again, turning around to glare at them.

"Please stop it. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I was pulling on your hair." You scold softly.

"Awww, she can't even stand her own ground. So soft spoken and she says please. God, you are a disgrace to the Slytherin house." He cackles.

He was a year above you and you frown at him, your eyes watering and you turn around, looking down as you cross your arms over your chest.

You ignore the tugging on your ponytail and try to focus on the game, Gryffindor was winning because Enzo kept missing hits as he was watching the stands. Your ribbon is pulled free and your hair was whipping everywhere because the wind. You turn around and try to snatch your ribbon back, but he holds it above your head.

"Give it back you jerk!" You exclaim, trying to grab it.

"God, you are pathetic. Who wears ribbons in their hair? You act like a child all the time and hide around those jerks who think they run the Slytherin house." He laughs.

He elbows you when you managed to get a hold on it. This was your favorite ribbon. It was from Enzo a few years back. You stumble and fall down. One of the first year girls help you up, offering you a sad smile.

"And Berkshire is heading for the stands along with the Riddle twins. It seems that...Anderson is picking on Y/l/n." Neville announces.

"Give it back to her, Anderson." Enzo says.

"And leave her alone or we'll punch your face in." Mattheo warns.

"Pathetic." Anderson hisses at you, giving you the ribbon.

"What did he say, love?" Enzo asks.

You shake your head, looking away.

"Arms up." Mattheo says.

Your eyebrows furrow, but you do as he says. Both he and Tom grab a hand and lift you slightly where you feet were a few inches off the ground, to the front row with Pansy and Astoria to ensure Anderson won't bother you again. Pansy takes your ribbon and gently gathers your hair into a ponytail before tying it. Enzo was a lot more focused on the second half of the game and somehow Slytherin managed to win.

You knew there was an elaborate party planned. You were feeling a bit insecure about you place with your friends after Anderson, so you branched off from the girls who were waiting for their boyfriends. You reach your dorm, curling into a ball on your bed and falling asleep.

You were sitting in the Common Room with the girls again. It was a little over a week since the big win against Gryffindor. The boys were practicing for their next match even though it was Saturday.

You had managed to avoid Enzo since the game against Gryffindor and somehow managed the same at yesterday's game. You managed to find an excuse as to why you couldn't do movie night last week. You tried to find a way to distance yourselves from the girls, the thing Anderson said really bothered you, but Pansy wasn't having it.

"What's going on with you? You've been acting strange." She notes, closing her book.

Astoria looks up from her notes and focuses on the conversation. You frown, playing with the hem of your skirt and sigh.

"Am I...childish?" You ask.

"What? No! Why would you think that?" She asks.

"Anderson said something about me being childish and that I hide around your guys." You mumble.

"Anderson is an asshole. You aren't childish. We love you the way you are and you don't hide around us. You are equally as apart of our group. No one hides." She says, smiling at you.

"Okay." You murmur, smiling slightly.

"Now, what's going on with you and Enz? You've been avoiding him." She says.

"Nothings going on. I haven't been avoiding him." You say quickly.

"You have. He's been real upset about it. He thinks he did something wrong. You canceled on movie night with him last week and you owled him to tell him you didn't think you'd be able to do it tonight. You've got nothing to do and we know that, so what's up?" Astoria asks.

"I...I realized that after these past few weeks that those feelings I've grown to develop for Enz haven't gone anyway. They are getting stronger. I...have you guys ever had a dream about one of the guys?" You ask.

"No, I can't say I have." Astoria says.

"I have. I used to have dreams about Blaise and I before we got together." Pansy says with a grin.

"I've had a dream about all three of you." Mattheo says.

"Same." Theodore says, the pair walking in together

"Where's the others?" Astoria asks.

"Showering. Don't worry." Theodore says.

"Wait...you had a dream about Enz, didn't you?" Astoria asks in shock as she looks back at you.

You nod, your cheeks flushing red as you use your hair as a shield to hide from the four sets of shocked eyes.

"Enz has been torn up this past week. He thinks you hate him or something." Mattheo says.

"Turns out you fancy him! Wait until he hears this." Theodore laughs.

"Tone it done, boys. No one is saying anything. This is her business. Honey, I think it's time you talk with Enz. You're hurting not only him, but yourself by keeping this distance between you guys. It's obvious your feelings for him are growing. It's time you talk about it. Maybe he feels the same." Pansy says softly.

"No. It's fine. Maybe if I ignore it long enough it'll go away. I don't wanna lose him because he doesn't feel the same, Pans. I can't tell him." You say, shaking your head as you pull your knees to your chest.

"Honey, you need to say something." She says softly.

"No. It's fine. It'll be fine. I've been avoiding him, yes, but I'll put an end to that today. I...I should go get snacks for the movie night. Maybe make two pallets...no, he'll still think he's done something wrong if we aren't cuddling like normal." You mumble, thinking more to yourself than talking to your friends who felt bad for you.

"Practice was great!" Enzo exclaims, walking in with his hair dripping wet.

You were completely oblivious as you mumbled to yourself about different snacks and film titles, but then since you have to go out and get the snacks, you started to make a list in your head of some other things you needed.

"Is she okay?" Enzo asks quietly as he looks over you.

"I believe she's just making a list of items she's gonna grab when she heads into town real quick. See, snacks, clothes because Astoria shrunk ours again—wait! Astoria! You shrunk our clothes again!" Pansy exclaims.

"I didn't mean to!" She exclaims.

You get up, heading to your dorm, unaware that Enzo was following you. You sit at your desk and start to make a list.

"Love, can we talk?" He asks.

"Argh!" You exclaim, you hand knocking the ink pot over.

You mumble curses as you hurry to clean it up before turning to Enzo with a sheepish smile. He smiles slightly.

"O-Of course, sorry. I've been kinda in my head all day today." You admit shyly.

"Is something bothering you?" He asks.

"No, no, of course not. What do you wanna talk about?" You ask.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" He asks.

"I haven't been avoiding you, Enz. I've just been a tad bit busy is all." You say, smiling softly at him.

"So you have time for our movie night tonight?" He asks.

"Mhm. I just have to grab snacks. Anything you want?" You say.

"Just you, love." He says cheekily, winking at you.

"I-oh-well I'm getting snacks anyway. I have to get me some new clothes again anyway." You say shyly.

"You could just wear my shirts...or nothing, but whatever suits your boat, love." He says, smiling as he leaves.

Pansy walks in with raised brows and she gives you a grin when she sees your dropped jaw.

"I believe Enz just suggested he rather see me in his clothes or naked." You mumble.

"Okay...Enz is here, check...snacks is a check, as are the drinks...extra blankets is a check...I feel like I'm forgetting something. Am I forgetting something?" You ask as you look back at your list.

Enzo was lying on your bed, his arms behind his head as he watched you pace with your clipboard and quill.

"You right next to me." He says and your cheeks flush red.

"Enz, I'm being serious. Something is missing. Or am I going bonkers?" You ask.

"In my eyes you've always been a bit bonkers, but in the cutest most adorable way you can be bonkers. Nothing is missing though. I think you're overthinking per usual." He says.

"Jerk." You grumble.

You take your sweater off, leaving you in a white tank top and your skirt. You carefully climb onto the bed, careful not to flash him as Astoria unfortunately shrunk your guys' underwear as well and Enzo talked you out of clothes shopping today as he wanted to watch two films.

You start the movie, bringing the blankets up more as you were cold.

"Why are you so far away? Get over here, love." He says.

You scooch over slowly until he rolls his eyes and wraps his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. You sigh softly, resting your head on his shoulder and resting a hand above his heart. He rubs circles on your exposed side, slowly going higher. It wasn't strange for him to do this. Enzo was a very touchy person when it came to showing his affection.

"What was your dream about?" He asks.

"What?" You mumble confused.

"Your dream about me. You were talking about it earlier today. What was it that I was doing to you?" He asks.

"Oh...you heard about that...which means you heard everything after that too." You whisper as your nerves begin to start.

You go to get up, but he rolls over so that you're beneath him. You look up at him with wide eyes.

"You aren't going anywhere, pretty girl. We are going to talk about this." He says seriously.

"I-uh-oh." You splutter, your cheeks flushed red as your heart races.

"Is it hard to believe I like you too, love? I thought I had been making it pretty obvious." He mumbles, his eyes flickering over your face.

"You like me?" You squeak.

"Mhm, quite a bit. I never thought you'd like me, but then I overheard the conversation earlier and it was like a new hope for me." He admits.

"Enz...I never would've thought you would like me. I just thought you saw me as your best friend." You admit shyly.

"You'll always be my best friend, love. But, now we can be more too." He admits.

Your eyes flicker to his lips, wondering if they are as soft as they were in your dream. His eyes darken, catching where your eyes were focused. He leans down, kissing your lips softly. You hum softly as you kiss back, tangling your fingers in his hair. 

He trails a hand between you both, ghosting over your stomach before trailing down your thigh. You whimper as he moves his hand back up your thigh, moving it beneath your skirt. You try to squeeze your legs close, but he was in between your legs.

His fingers brush against your wet folds as he pulls away with a grunt. His eyes find yours and you flush red under his intense gaze.

"No panties?" He asks.

"N-No, Stori shrunk our clothes again." You whisper.

"Such a dirty girl, aren't you?" He murmurs, leaning down and kissing the column of your neck.

You let a shaky breath out as your eyes fluttered closed. You push yourself down closer to his hand that was between your legs. You whine softly as he rubs the sensitive bundle of nerves.

"Enzo, please." You plead, squirming beneath him.

"So impatient, baby." He murmurs, nipping at your neck and eliciting a gasp from you.

Before you could scold him to hurry up, he was working his pants off. Your fingers went to his loosely buttoned dress shirt where you begin to unbutton it. He shrugs it off after kicking his boxers and pants off.

He starts to pull your skirt down as you stare at his hard cock that was thick and long, a vein bulging out the side of it, the head an angry red and oozing precum.

You sit up and take off your tank top, before lying back down. He hovers above you, kissing your lips so softly as he praises you and calls you beautiful as he sinks into you. You arch up into him, your nails dragging down his back as your walls stretch to accommodate him.

"Enzo!" You moan, his lips swallowing the sweet sound.

"Your alright baby, you're doing so good. Taking my cock like the little cock slut you are, aren't you?" He murmurs into your ear.

You clench around him, the dirty name making something twist inside of you as you let a breathy moan out. You never expected Enzo to say such dirty things.

"Enz!" You cry, arching your back off the bed as his thrusts speed up.

You squirm, feeling the overwhelming pressure building. He holds your hips, his teeth leaving marks all over your skin, leaving his claim. He wanted everyone to know that you were his. Now that he had you, there was no letting go.

"That's it baby, keep taking my cock like a good girl. You feel so good around my cock, so fucking tight." He says, his voice deeper—huskier.

You wished he'd keep quiet just for the fact that hearing him like that—was because of you and that made a whole new feeling wash over you.

His lips slant over yours, the two of your lips moving in sync. You follow his lead, sinking back further into the bed and he follows, deepening the kiss. Your hands get lost in his hair as he bites your bottom lip, swallowing your whimper as he deepens the kiss once more.

His tongue glides across your bottom lip, before teeth were clashing as the kiss got too intense. You both pull away, chests heaving as you both tried to catch your breath.

"Thank you, Pansy. I really appreciate it." You say, smiling softly as she helped cover all the hickeys.

"I get it. Eventually, he'll get a little control over himself. The boys, especially our boys, are all about staking their claim. I don't get it entirely either, but if it helps them sleep at night, so be it." She says, laughing softly and you join her.

You both walk to breakfast, getting lost in your guys' normal conversation. You were unaware of Enzo's eyes on you as you walked in.

His lips part, seeing you wearing an olive green sundress that ended a little above mid thigh. Your hair was down and the smile on your face lit up the whole room.

"You're staring." Theodore chuckles.

"Fuck, she's so hot...wait a damn minute. One, she covered her hickeys and two, there's over a seventy five percent chance that if she moves the wrong way in that dress she will flash someone." Enzo says, sitting up straighter.

"Look...I learned the hard way, but you've just got to trust her. Don't make the mistakes I did and make the foundation rocky in the beginning." Blaise says.

He sighs, looking at his plate as you and Pansy take a seat. He looks up and has to take a deep breath. He hated how much cleavage was on show, because he knew people would see you like this.

You looked beautiful.

But, he hated the idea of other men seeing you this way. He remembered his plan and reached beneath the table for the bouquet of flowers. Your lips part as he hands you the assortment of flowers.

"Will you be my girlfriend, Y/n/n?" He asks, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink as the boys whoop and tease him.

You smile and look at him like he was the only man in the world—a look that made him melt.

"I'd love to, Enz." You say softly.

The whole table whoops louder before being quieted by Professor Snape. You smile at Enzo, feeling really good about this.

[spiceofvy]

hello friend!

i just read your skz posts for nearly an hour straight — you’re a very talented writer! i love your characterizations of them and the scenarios you come up with for requests are all unique, i love that!

if you’re up for it, would you consider writing a soft/fluffy skz with reader who craves some attention but for some reason won’t just verbally ask for it? (maybe had a long and hard day, or is a little too shy to ask for affection straight up, or is sleepy, etc.)? especially seungmin — i see a lot of rough or aggressive seungmin but lately i just so crave a sweet and fluffy seungmin.

no worries if you’re not interested — i still really enjoy all your writing! 🌸🌼

SKZ - Reader is too shy to ask for affection

a/n: aww thank you for your super sweet words! the ask is also super adorable! while writing i also realized that i was also in need for some seungmin fluff, so i made sure to write his part extra long! i hope you enjoy!

cws: gender neutral reader, sfw, fluff

Chan: He just constantly misses you. Even when he just saw you, or made the choice to leave himself. So he is really aware of how you feel when you are around each other. And with that discovered that your habit of visiting him in the studio was not only to spend time with you but also you subtly showing him that you need some attention from him. So he just opens his arms for you and pulls you onto his lap. No words needed.

Minho: When he realizes your need for some attention he is initially unsure what to do. Do you just need a hug, or maybe some cuddles? Would a few kisses make it better or is the solution a home cooked four course meal? In the end he makes the smartest decision possible and just hugs you really tightly, softly asking what you want to do. Being all ears for what you need and then doing exactly that.

Changbin: A very cuddly person himself, so when he cuddles you it's always one of his own needs too. Especially after a long day he just wants to feel you close. Prefers the bed over the couch so if one of you falls asleep while cuddling you don't have to get up again. On the very few days he does not initiate a cuddling session himself, he does take the hints for your needs for attention very well. A pull at his hand, a look towards the bedroom and a moment later you are cuddled up against him.

Hyunjin: I stay true to my "Hyunjin can read your body language like a book" agenda. Because this is also very true in this scenario. You don't need to tell him that you are in need of his affection because he can tell just from your eyes. And he doesn't care how busy he is in theory because he always has time for you. Even better if he can share it with his other passion, art. He loves to have you on his lap as he paints, sometimes using his clean hand to caress your back.

Han: I imagine this situation to be really rare when dating Han as he is at least just as needy as you are. Most of the time he just takes the affection he needs, throwing himself on you when you are lying on the couch, cuddling you tightly. So when he can't do that it's probably because he has to rehearse a lot for a comeback or while he is on tour. But as soon as you just sit next to him and stare him down he gets the message and throws himself at you in his usual manner.

Felix: Feels your need for his attention under his skin. He is a giver when it comes to any kind of affection. So whenever he just gets the feeling that you could need some love he gives it to you en masse. He pulls you onto the couch and curls up next to you, nuzzling your neck and holding you so tight all your worries are gone. Holding your hands even after he lets you go and smiles at you until you fall asleep.

Seungmin: The thing with Seungmin is that he himself is quite shy about physical touch and unsure about how much you want from him. So he just sits next to you, extending his arm out, softly caressing your cheek with his fingertips, and when you lean into his touch he opens his arms for you, pulling you into a warm hug. Laying you on top of him, cuddling with you on the couch. After some time he starts softly talking to you about his day, and in return listens to you talk about your own, softly massaging your scalp. Letting you stay there after you fall asleep, even when he is tired himself, and his legs feel numb. Because your comfort means just so much more to him than his own.

Jeongin: Also tends to be on the shy side when it comes to physical affection. But he easily picks up on the little things, your eyes lingering on his hands, maybe you pulling over one of his sweatshirts to feel closer to him. So he just straight up asks if you want to spend some time cuddling on the couch. You don't need to say much, a quick nod is enough for him to pull you close and spend the whole night watching movies with you.

[ghostsvacuumcleaner]

You came — you called. | Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader

credits for the header - ghost's pic by the very talented @ave661 ✦ Word count: 2.2k ✦ Pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader ✦ Summary: After being abused by your current date, in need of comfort, you call your ex-boyfriend and recurring fling, Simon, to talk. ✦ TW and general warnings: SFW, some kisses here and there but no smut, angst, you guys are in a complicated situationship, fluff, sensitive content (domestic violence) ✦ AO3 | Masterlist edit: I wrote a part 2 in case you're interested <3

A/N: I really need to finish my already started requests, really do but inspiration ONLY gets to me when I'm randomly existing and then a random prompt comes in mind and arghhh gotta write 😭 but I promise - if anyone reading this sent me a request, know I've started it already and I WILL finish. also, thinking really a lot about making a part 2 for this piece and making it smutty. pls let me know if anyone's interested! anyways, not proof read, hope y'all enjoy, x

━━━━━━━━━ ⟡ ━━━━━━━━━

It’s the same place as the last time you saw him. Ironic, maybe. You still smoke the same cigarettes he offered to you once in a promise it would help you calm down from your anxiety; it did. It did a little too much. You still wear that same necklace you refused to get rid off even after you dumped him, after you promised you’d never see him again, never talk to him again. God, hope he doesn’t get mad at that.

Truth is you’ve been failing at that for quite some time. You’ve been seeing him way more than it’s necessary, but contrary to how things used to be before, now every moment with him is a single time that ceases to exist once you get home. He texts; you ignore. He doesn’t text anymore till the next time he misses you. You ignore it till the next time you miss him. This time isn’t much different, only you have a bit more of a reason to be here, unsure if he’ll show up, smoking this damned red Marlboro and feeling like shit. Like absolute shit.

You exhale the smoke, your hair tied back in a ponytail through the cap gap. Hiding yourself.

His big broad figure fills the door in, and he comes inside. To your big surprise, he decided lastly to come; Simon looks at you with a bitter look on his face, his dirty blonde hair trimmed, his beard done, wearing one of his thousand black tight t-shirts and a pair of jeans. He looks the same as ever.

“You came.” You say, surprised as he pulls the chair back and takes the seat in front of yours. 

“You called.” He replies simply, his body relaxing spaciously in the chair with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“Yeah, I did.” You let out some more smoke before discarding your cigarette on the ashtray. “But I thought you were still mad at me.” 

He looks at you in silence for a couple seconds, and scoffs.

“And that never stopped you from calling, did it?” He snorts impatiently. “Did something actually happen or are you just lonely and needing someone to help you fall asleep?” You feel derision in his attitude and his voice is dripping with venom and bitterness.

You close your eyes. Can’t blame him, can you? You had your own good reasons to break up with him, although stupidly, without thinking twice - without thinking that you’d end up missing him. Trying to find him in all the wrong places, wrong guys. 

“Well go on, Simon, what else do you still have to tell me?” You mimic him, crossing your arms and your face a little twisted in irritation facing him. “I was single, I still am. I had the right to be with someone else.” 

“I never blamed you for that. I never fucking blamed you.” Simon wipes his mouth with his hand, his ever icy expression breaking into frustration the second you open your mouth again.

“You are blaming me. You-”

“I fucking am not. I’m angry at the poor fucking choice you did. Getting rid of me for that fucker? You’re making a joke out of yourself, even for someone like me that’s fucking downgrading.” He snaps, regretting it the second later and squeezing his eyes for a moment. 

You remain silent. He’s right. He’s absolutely right. 

You stare into the distance of the window by your side, silent - embarrassed, regretful. Your hands together over your lap and your silence put together make him raise his head at you once again, in a sigh.

“I shouldn’t be here. Our conversations won’t ever end in anything good but me taking you to bed, if that’s what you want then I’ll gladly do it without all the trouble.” He states. You tremulously raise your eyebrows and your lips curl in a small hurt smile. 

Ouch.

You know he said it to hurt you. You know he’s angry, he’s hitting all the right buttons to get under your skin, he can’t help it. He can’t help but to be a bastard sometimes, he never learnt different.

Your eye stare down your own hands, you feel your lips tremble and the lump in your throat gets bigger each second. It's hard to hold back the tears, but for your dignity, you try. There's no less brutal way to admit something like that, so you vomit the words all at once.

“He hit me, Simon.”

His eyes open, the pupils slowly dilate like those of a shark that has just tasted blood for the first time.

Simon has blood on his hands. From too many people, more than you could count. And even if that's his job, never in all those hard years with him - you swore - had you ever seen him so pissed off.

The veins in his temples stood out and he swallowed bitterly, his mind empty; If he wasn't an extremely restrained man, then he would have gotten up and taken action right now. A thoughtless attitude that he might later regret - maybe.

“Tell me his address.” He snaps, his blood boiling enough for you to almost feel the heat increasing in his flesh. 

“Simon, no.” You immediately cut him off, shaking your head, almost crying at this point. "That's not what I called you for, I don't want you to hurt anyone. I broke up with him, I don't have anything to do with that son of a bitch anymore, I just-"

He interrupts you with a gesture and claps his hands to his face. He brushes his own skin roughly, as a self-reminder that if he gives in to his own anger, he'll let you down.

When he makes room for his eyes through his hands again and sees your reddened

face, tears streaming down your cheeks - he dies inside. 

He promised he’d always be there for you. He promised he’d never let you down, he’d always protect you, he’d kill for you. He said it plenty of times and you were completely aware that it was true. 

He couldn’t possibly let you down.

“No, please, I can’t- I just can’t when you cry.” He mutters, getting up from his seat and offering his hand. “You come with me. Please?”

━ ⟡ ━

The hot steaming water falls over your head, sweeping your tears as you hug your legs. Simon's fingertips brush calmly your back, he contours the bruises on your lower half like he's grieving. The silence fills in the bathroom if not for the sound of water dripping on your head. He pours some water on your back to soothe your pain - even if you're not feeling any at this point. 

"Why did you not call me before?" He asks, with painful confusion in his raspy voice. His hands are shaking and you know it's pure anger and his own incapability of holding himself back when it comes to feeling anger. You sigh, tired. 

"I don't know. I felt like I'd be unfair to you." You try to explain, your hands caressing your shins while the water runs through your skin. "And because I didn't want to get you in this state." 

His eyes narrow as he stares at you, and you shrug in response. It's clear to him why you don't like to get him stressed - he could never hurt you, but he was a danger to others.

 He waves his hands to shake off the water and stands up, grabbing and opening a clean towel for you.

You stand up, your eyes don't dare leaving his. He silently admires you, although his mind can't think much more than how guilty he feels for letting this happen to you - even though there was nothing he could do about it. You dry your feets on the mat and turn your back so he can wrap you in the towel, and he does so. 

Simon calmly brushes the towel against your shoulders, drying a bit of the water that drips from your whole body and once he’s done wrapping you in the towel, he places his hands on your back and leads you to his room.

His smell is everywhere around and what used to be intoxicating and lustful for you, is now soothing and quiet. You sit on the edge of his bed, silence seeming to be now a whole conversation between the two of you.

Your hand reaches for his and places it on your cheek. You look up at him with kitty eyes, your thumb circles the skin on the back of his hand till it finds the scar you were looking for – one of his oldest ones, according to himself. You close your eyes and snuggle into his hand, giving it a light, calming kiss.

He caresses your cheek and moves your hair from your face.

“I’ll get you some fresh clothes.” He says in a whisper. You nod, and he comes back moments later with a clean shirt of his. You tug it in your neck and quickly put it on letting the fabric run free on your body, loose. 

He starts removing rubbish from his bedside table – an ashtray, an empty can of energy drink, a gun. As you notice he seems to be trying to empty the room for you, you speak out.

"Wait, where are you going?" 

"I'll be in the living room if you need me for anything." He says simply. Before he can leave the room, you stop him by wrapping your hand on his arm. The sudden motion makes him turn around to face you, his dark eyes gazing at yours and seeming already aware of what comes next – a protest. 

"Simon." You use a warning tone, and he closes his eyes. 

"You don't want to have me around now, kitten. I'm far from calm…" He argues, calmly looking down at you now. The proximity burns you, he's too close. 

"I'm not scared." You mewl, your hands on his tough chest, he doesn't move a muscle. Your hands start trailing up to his neck, and you get on your tiptoes to wrap your arms better around him; Simon closes his eyes, drunk by the overwhelming feeling of having you so close to him. He misses you. 

One of his hands holds your wrist before you manage to curl up on his neck, and the other one gently holds on your waist. He bends down enough so he can reach your tiny self. He gives you what you want - his lips slowly catch yours in a slow, calm kiss; the warmth of his lips against yours is medicine to you – soothes all of your pain, eases all of your anxiety. He squeezes on your waist and pulls back once he starts feeling heaty and his breath starts to become uncontrolled, needy. He breaths against your lips, his eyes barely closed and his breath catching on his throat like panting. 

You stare at his lips before going back to his eyes. 

"Stop." He snarls, raising his head a bit, avoiding your face and the closeness you impose on him now. It feels wrong. You need space.

You close your eyes, you understand. It feels wrong. 

After all of this time of failed attempts to let go, to sound nonchalant and be away from each other – after all the fails and the sex, devoid of feeling type of sex, rough, delicious but raw sex, he wants to fuck you straight. He doesn't want to be angry, he wants to take you and make love to you. 

You understand. Feels wrong.

"Will you be fine here? You need to rest and I need to take a walk, clear my head." He mutters, avoiding your eyes for the sake of restraining himself. You nod. 

"I'll be alright. You'll come back, right?" You ask, looking at him - looking for his eyes. He stands back from you and nods. 

"Of course." He assures you, before caressing your hair slowly and giving you a calm kiss on the forehead. "Rest. Do not stay awake waiting for me, hear me?" He snarls, grabbing his keys and a hoodie of his, tucking it in and giving you space. 

You sit in his bed and nods, watching him leave by the room door and close it behind himself. Now alone, you close your eyes exhausted by the lack of sleep you've been having for these past few days; it doesn't take you long to fall asleep, surrounded by comfortable pillows that smell like his perfume – woody and whiskey. 

Walking in the streets, with his hands digging in his hoodie's pocket and tough stomps, Simon's face lit up by the light emanating from the street lamps. His body swings slightly to the weight of his steps, and he breathes heavily. 

After several minutes – more than he probably told you he'd take, he stops in front of a very familiar residence. You should know it wouldn't be any trouble for him to find your abuser's house. 

He took a familiar piece of cloth out of his pocket, it had been time since he last wore it. Now seemed like a good moment. A balaclava, full face mask – handmade, with a skull painted on. Simon hugs you and kisses your scars; Ghost wants revenge. 

[navybrat817]

For v day prompts, I keep coming back to God the bounty hunter taking his girlfriend to a nice restaurant and she gets food poisoning. Because I have food poisoning from my works cafeteria and I wish I was dead. I also started my period today

I hope you feel better, lovely!

Wired Differently

Pairing: God the Bounty Hunter x Female Reader

Summary: God just wanted to take you out for a nice dinner.

Word Count: Over 410

Warnings: Established relationship, mention of food poisoning, threat of violence (not against the reader), God the Bounty Hunter (he's a warning and a little awkward, okay?)

A/N: Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @saradika-graphics. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

God knew how to handle many things, but you being sick wasn't one of them. Seeing you curled up and in pain made him restless. Unsure. It was something he couldn’t control, and he didn’t believe he had a comforting bone in his body to make you feel any better. The urge to kill came forward because that was something he had a degree of control over, but he couldn't exactly scratch that itch since you didn't want him to leave. He didn't want to leave your side either. Not while you were in pain that he couldn’t take away.

“Our romantic dinner should’ve been different,” he muttered, placing the cool washcloth on your warm forehead. “Not this.”

Dinner was something couples did for dates and the restaurant was nice. He checked. But, no, when he tried to give you a sense of normalcy you got food poisoning. The only reason he didn’t get sick was because he ordered something completely different.

“I know,” you tried to smile, but you grimaced from what was likely another wave of pain before you curled back up again in the fetal position. “Not your fault.”

God blinked once. Twice. “I can kill him,” he offered.

He wondered if anyone would miss the cook if he took him out. Making a body disappear was like second nature to him. He could make it hurt, too.

That was romantic, right?

He saw from the twitch in your lips that wanted to laugh. It would've sounded crazy or downright scary to anyone else, but not you. He was just wired differently and you understood that. It was one of the reasons why he loved you. Love wasn’t something he gave easily or freely, but you more than earned it.

“No killing. Not today.”

He scratched the back of his neck. “So, what do I do?” he asked. He gave you blankets, a bucket and cloth in case you got sick, water, and a washcloth for your head. What was he missing?

Your smile was borderline sheepish when you asked, “Can you just hold me for a second?”

He wordlessly stretched out beside you and held you as gently as he was capable of. In the back of his mind he knew holding you wouldn’t take the pain away, but it would bring you comfort. He’d hold you all night if he could give you that. He still wanted to kill the cook, but that would come later.

Tonight, and every night, you were his priority.

Love and thanks for participating! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[tinydeskwriter]

Training Season| Häkkinen!driver!reader

A/N: so this has being in my drafts since January, after Hamilton announcement, the calendar is a little off because I used the 2023 calendar when writing, but I would like to point out that I wrote that Lando has three podiums with Charles and Max and finishes second in the Championship. Also I had big hopes for Williams this year, I know, but hope is a fools gold so... sue me. This is kind of a super rookie scenario where she can be a beddie even in a Williams.

ships: I am not sure yet... It can either be Landoxreader or Charlesxreader, I was unsure even when writing...

Y/n Häkkinen was signed by Williams for the 24’ season, taking the seat previously owned by Sergeant. The young Monegasque driver was the 2023 F2 champion and 2022 F3 champion, the daughter of double-World Champion, Mika Häkkinen, her seat at the team came backed by some big sponsors—sponsors that had supported her career since the early days.

She’s also the first woman on the grid since Giovanna Amati in the 90’s, which in itself brings a lot of attention to the team.

Williams is the gateway for her to prove herself to the world.

The door that no other team would have opened for an untested female rookie.

Their 2024 car is ok-ish, good, but not really great. Yet, it does not stop her from overtaking several drivers with better cars and far more years on the grid than her.

She bulldozes her way on each track from the get-go, driving in a level far above her paycheck and far beyond her years of experience, leaving her own teammate and stronger teams in her wake.

She does not win her first race.

She never expected to do so in a Williams, however she does end up in the podium, below Norris and Verstappen. Though she’s not the day’s winner, the reporters seem far more interested in the only girl on grid pushing her Williams to a third place than in Red Bull’s three times World Champion or McLaren’s golden boy.

She’s the first women to ever put foot on a F1 podium—and on her very first race too.

Y/n Hakkinen is history in the making, a bold French journalist states.

One that the press finds a lot more interesting and appealing than the 7 times world champion that does not seem anywhere near his eighth title, or the current one, who can’t stop winning, until now.

Her second race, Jeddah, is another show of great skill, another podium, she finishes the race once again on third place. Scoring in just two races more points than Williams scored the whole of the last season.

In Australia she takes second.

When it comes to the comparisons, her rookie year can only be compared to Hamilton, she demonstrates the same prodigious talent on the track that the seven-time champion did in 2007, with the added mystic of doing so in a midfield car—she eventually breaks a few of his records, most consecutive podium finishes and most points in a debut, but she does not bet his record of most wins in a debut season.

Though she admits that Hamilton is one of her F1 idols she does not accept to be called the next Hamilton, “It is 2024, we should stop comparing people, I am not the next anybody, I am the first and only Y/n Häkkinen, thank you.”

There is no denying that she’s popular with the public, who find the quiet Monegasque who sings in her radio during races quite endearing.

She warm and inviting to the public and with fans, however, does not get closer with the other drivers until after her first win.

It is in Imola, the seventh race of the season.

She had developed a bit of an arrogant/cocky reputation with the lack of interaction with the rest of the grid—not even with her own teammate—and monosyllabic answers to the press.

At Ferrari’s home race she qualified third, behind Leclerc and Norris. On race day Sainz DNS’s, Verstappen has trouble with his car from the beginning and DNF’s and Russell crashes against the barrier taking out Alonso and Piastri.

Y/n/n overtakes Leclerc on the 22nd lap, and after some battling from the older Monegasque to regain position, she proceeds to lead the remaining of the race until the finish line, sharing the podium with Ferrari and McLaren, leaving the world speechless.

A Williams beating a Ferrari…in Imola.

She has a celebratory dinner with the team, picking up the bill and thanking everyone for the hard work, apologizes for sometimes being so closed and difficult to approach and promises to do better. Alex finally breaks his teammate's out of her shell, after only seven races, the two have a long—first conversation—during dinner, the Monegasque confesses that she kept her distance because she never got along with teammates, they always end up resenting her for winning—God forbids a girl winning in Formula.

The dinner ends up with Alex and Lily dragging her to a nightclub to meet with a few of the other drivers—who were celebrating Leclerc and Norris podium.

Most seemed shocked by her arriving alongside the couple—and the fact that she was dressed in something that didn't have the Williams logo in it—overall, after the initial chock, everyone was surprisingly welcoming. It surprises everyone that Y/n/n, is far from being the Ice Queen portrayed by the media, with monosyllabic answers and cold glares—she earns some points when as the winner of the day she puts her card on the bar to pay for drinks.

She gives as good as she gets to Pierre’s natural flirting, amusing everyone around, declares herself in love with Kika and Lily—Oscar’s girl—after half an hour talking about fashion. She sings with Yuki on top of her lungs, dances with Lando and Arthur and drinks them both under the table. At the end of the night leaves the club between George and Charles, the two most sober ones of the group, Albon's blazer jacket around her shoulders and a pair of sunglasses she doesn't remember who she got from covering her eyes.

Photos of the night appear all over the internet in gossip pages, there is speculation and some amount of hate in her comment section bellow her photos on Instagram, and although none of those involved or their teams comment on anything, it becomes clear in the following races that it was nothing more than a bonding moment between the rookie and the other drivers on the grid.

Being social does not affect her performance on track, she comes in seventh in Monaco after tire problems, fifth in Austria, and takes her second win in Silverstone.

For the first time in years, it seems like Williams Racing has a shot at the Championship, surprising all—though it is undeniable that the public loves an underdog by the growing number of Williams fans at each race wearing caps with the number eight and the soaring numbers on Y/n social medias.

It is after Silverstone that the other teams start to approach her about her next season, eager to bring her to the front row after she showed what she’s capable of with a Williams.

“I have yet to think about my future, as of now, I am focused on do my best with Williams.” She says during the press conference after avoiding several questions of the same content. “Deciding where I will be next season is something I have to do with a very cool head, without getting carried away by sentimentality. Like many drivers here, I have many dreams, but my main goal is to win. That's the only answer I'll give on the matter."

The press quickly catches on in the ‘bidding war’ amongst the teams for the hot commodity that is the prodigious young Monegasque.

Not to say that every race is perfect. Y/n/n is a consistent driver, but sometimes crashes are beyond her own control. Ocon crashed on her in Baku ending her race on the 15th lap, and at Spa she is unable to avoid crashing into Pierre after being hit by George and Zhou.

After several rollovers, Y/n/n ends up upside down, the driver is quick to turn off the engine, but it doesn't take long to notice that she has no radio and probably has a sprained wrist, which leaves her unable to get out of the car on her own.

She felt like a lifetime, when it barely took more than two minutes for Pierre and George to get to her—their own crash site not being far—and help her slide out of what is left of her car. Y/n watches the rest of the race from the medical unit, but she is there for the podium, with her wrist bandaged, smiling and cheering Lando third win of the season, a podium once again shared with Charles and Max.

Zandvoort is good, but not half as good as Y/n/n would have liked, it was almost a month in between Belgium and Netherlands, and her wrist is fully healed she had no excuse for not doing better.

After personally meeting with Toto Wolff in Monaco during the break for talks about taking a seat at Mercedes, the last think she wants is to underperform. She had other offers. But she won't be Verstappen's second at Red Bull, and she won't carry Stroll on her back at Aston Martin, much less wait two years for Audi debut in 26’, she’s too hungry for wins to wait.

It is after taking second place in Monza, that Y/n gives the go ahead so that her manager—her father—starts negotiating a contract with Mercedes.

Car issues stresses her out in Singapore and Suzuka. But she's more of a social butterfly as the season starts to come to an end.   

By the time Interlagos arrives her contract with Mercedes in signed, securing a seat for her in 2025.

In Abu Dhabi, the last race of the calendar, she has her father by her side—and her older brothers, who did not attend for most of the season due to their own careers, are present. It's easy to see how important the three men are to Y/n—although she races with her father's surname, and the same number as he did, she does so under the Monegasque flag instead of the Finnish.

They say that when your career is soaring, your love life does not exist, and it couldn't be truer for her.

Her rookie year is one for the motorsport history books.

Y/n signs a Netflix deal for a Drive to Survive’ spin-off focused on women in motorsport and her own career. Brands she always admired reach out for endorsement deals and ambassadorship.

However, she never knows if a guy is interested in her or the privileges of dating a Formula One driver.

She did not take part in the podium at Yas Marina, yet her final position at the parc fermé kept her with just enough points to finish the Championship in third place.

Max is once again the World Champion, but different from previous years, it was not without sweat, this time it was a tough competition with Lando in his McLaren and the points difference between the first and second is tight.

To end the year on a high note, Y/n/n presents the entire Williams team with gift baskets, a kind of thank you and farewell gift, even though no one would know that she signed with Mercedes for a few more days. All the drivers receive a gift from her during Secret Santa, nothing too extravagant, she still feels shy about giving them a gift.

The announcement of Y/n/n's signing with Mercedes comes hours before the FIA Prize Giving Ceremony, it is posted with a photo of Y/n on George's right, both in Tommy Hilfinger apparel, Toto in the middle just a little behind his young drivers—looking every bit like a Ralph Lauren dad, proud of his preppy children, as a user on X pointed out.

It shocks everyone who thought that Toto had his eyes on Alonso or young Kimi Antonelli from Formula Two—even Ocon had shown up on the betting pool.

The ceremony happens in Abu Dhabi due to the last race of the year being near mid-December. Y/n arrives solo in a custom-made midnight blue Dior gown, glimmering in Cartier diamonds and blood-red lips, she was the focus of every flash on the red carpet with a thousand questions thrown her way, she smiles and waves and dodges questions like a pro.

She ends the night with three prizes, 3rd place in the World Championship, Rookie of the Year and Action of the Year—for that phenomenal overtake on Leclerc in Imola.  

“How did you managed? It was a Williams against a Ferrari!” The presenter asked her impressed once the driver joins the stage.

“Big balls.” She jokes, sending the room in an uproar. “On a serious note, Leclerc is an amazing driver, it was tough, he hunted me down all the way to the finish line, winning when going against your idols, the people that inspire you, that you look up to, it is an amazing feeling, especially when their cars were much superior to your own.”

Y/n/n cracks another joke on stage after receiving the crystal trophy as she was seated beside Lando during the ceremony—and the internet can’t get enough of the screenshots from the broadcast of the two drivers talking and giggling, with Verstappen looking sternly at them for their shenanigans before smiling.

A/n: share your thoughts!

[seyvia]

One evening...

As the fair maiden gazes into the sparkling night sky. An unexpected bright twinkle catches her eye, and taking a closer look, it seems as if a star is falling straight towards her...

But it is, in fact, a magical scroll with wings! It flutters open in front of the curious princess, and it reads: You are here by invited to participate in the fairy Queen of Spellbyndells challenges! to meet and potentially marry the Prince of Spellbyndell, hero of all Regalia.

Do you accept?

Welcome to the world of Regalia!

A magical world full of kingdoms and magical beings! (see my first post!)

rules and more info below:

ABOUT THE PRINCE:

the Queen describes Prince Lumin's character as a responsible and kind-hearted young man with a vivid imagination and a courageous spirit. During his boyhood, he spent countless hours outdoors, playing with toads and gathering unique treasures. At times, he even preferred to sleep under the stars. As he matured, his interest in various art forms blossomed, and the Queen takes great pride in his numerous talents. However, these passions have also revealed a challenge for the prince, as he often chooses to focus on his projects rather than connect with the people around him. ( she still sees him as her little boy who needs protection and guidance. ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀) )

HOW IT WORKS:

8 ladies. 4 Queen trials. All of them will have four chances to win a spot to meet the prince and proceed to the Bachelor potion of the challenge. The remaining four who didn't win any of the challenges will be sent home. The Queens Trails will be a mix of skill and dumb luck. The Bachelor potion will be like what you've seen before, they will be introduced to the prince then left to their own autonomy for a mingle day. Then all 4 ladies will go on a solo date with him. at the end of the week a sim will be eliminated until there is only one...The One! (I will be playing it with royal prudence, so no woohoos until marriage)

SUBMISSION RULES:

Reservations for spots are first-come-first-serve. If for any reason you'd like to give up your reservation, contact me immediately so I can give that reservation to someone else!

Young adult woman only.♀️

occults & humans welcome!

tell me why your princess decided to accept the queens invitation, a little backstory! I'm really curious about their situation weather its good or bad! (you can ask me any questions you might have)

Must have 1 negative trait; Can't have Romantic traits.

You can have as many likes & skills as you want, but skills can't go past level 2. Since you are a princess you are distinguished, so you can have your choice of two skills at level 4.

Only Maxis Match Hair🪮 but Maxis Mix outfits are welcome. (be sure to include the cc when sent to me)

All ladies must have one outfit in each category. Your princess should be adorned in a ballgown for their formal.👗 (here is a link to a creator in case you need it. tsr warning) I can supply your sim with a gown if necessary.

Must be comfortable with minor changes being made to your sims appearance. And possible story dialog writing.

Here is a link to a list of the sliders I use if needed.

I own all packs except for Journey to Batuu & the newest Hobbies one; the only CAS Kits I have are Incheon arrivals, Moonlight chic, Throwback fits.

NO DEADLINE! Submissions will close when all 8 spots are filled. Please provide your sim’s tray files as soon as convenient

I will be updating the number of spots reserved periodically and will announce when all spots are taken, but if you’re ever unsure, don’t be afraid to DM me/send an ask!

ALL SPOTS ARE FILLED. THANK YOU!

@jonquilyst

@rebelangelsims

@sanitysims

@riverofjazzsims

@paracosmic-sims

@perolesims

@simscici

@bloomingkyras

Remember to have fun!!!

[desolationavenue]

you better lock your phone - c.bg

♡ fem!beomgyu x fem!reader

♡ synopsis: liking your roommate has its pitfalls, especially when they are doing everything in their power to make you question their perception of you.

♡ warnings: 18+ so mdni. every member is a girl, if its not your cup of tea then do not read, kinda toxic!gyu (sigh), gyu uses she/they pronouns, slight angst, reader referred to with the pronoun 'they' but is also called 'good girl' and 'princess', degradation, fingering, overstimulation, squirting, dacryphilia, gyu is a tease, slight impact play, + probably forgetting some srry!

♡ wc: 10.1k

♡ a/n: first fic on this acc after how many years of creating it? yea yikes. anyways thank you to my an's for the love and support around and outside of writing this fic. special thanks are in order for my beloved for proofreading/editing this passion project! love you all 3000. but always justice for junie ;/ - cassiopeia

“Bitch!? Are you out of your mind?!” words that may have held weight in a more serious tone bounced right off of shaggy layers, serving as a helmet for the brunette ‘bitch’ in question. You know that reacting this way was all but discouraging her impulsive antics; yet here you were, doubled over in laughter and disbelief in front of your roommate as she recounts her current conundrum, a scene the living room of your shared apartment was especially familiar with. 

You start to catch your breath when you don't hear a response from them, worried for a split-second that you might have finally pissed them off. However, upon meeting her gaze, all you saw was your beloved roommate trying not to bust out laughing at their own nonsense. Give or take five seconds she’ll bounce back with something mind-numbing that will have you crying tears or deadpanning and turning in for the night.

“But the gag is, out of everything I said, thinking he’d finally shut the fuck up or leave me the fuck alone, he… he,” You eyed your roommate expectantly as she started to feign hyperventilating, “he… he said he thought I was straight!!” You entertain her with a gasp, the prospect obviously being too much to bear. I mean, real shit—it was kind of preposterous to make that assumption of the person sitting in front of you on the shared loveseat. As if to prove her point to someone who wasn’t in the know (aka not you), she stands and gestures to herself. You feel your heart thump with giddiness at the extra nature of her display.

“Tell me, right now… that I, Choi Beomgyu, look like a cishet, that I do—you’re laughing and I’m serious, you cunt!” She says through stifled laughter herself. She, who wears a cropped, baggy heather gray zip-up, distressed jeans sat just below the taper of her waist, chipped black polish adorning her filed fingernails, black smoky liner accentuating her soulful brown eyes, and a stupid ass cap she’s wearing backwards. Not-so-subtly checking out your roommate aside, she has a point but…

“I mean…” Beomgyu starts to look at you incredulously, “Here this bitch goes,” they huff as they walk away in jest. “I’m just saying! It's rude to make assumptions no matter how scathing, right?” you say half-heartedly. “I think it's rude that I must deal with narcissistic men seeking to fulfill their emo girlfriend fantasies,” okay, she’s actually getting a bit agitated now. Beomgyu had a talent for talking herself into a frenzy.

“I’m so tired of getting hit on by guys who never got past 2020’s alt TikTok. Why can't people just be ignorant in the way I need them to be?” 

You pause to think, admittedly unsure of how to read Beomgyu at the moment. Your roommate never really vented about their frustrations in the romantic realm and given your current mental state you couldn’t help but draw blanks on how to address something that has clearly been weighing on them for a bit. Deciding to opt for something lighthearted, you pout a bit as you half-console your, now whining, friend. “Aww Beomgyu-ssi, don’t worry about them,” You draw in closer when she doesn’t shift from having her head in her hands, opting to snake your arms around her waist and look upwards at her. “I, however, can be real ignorant for you if you’d like,” you lay it on real thick, batting eyelashes, back rubs and all. You both took turns teasing each other and feigning disgust on the daily, so when Beomgyu didn’t immediately give you the latter reaction you justifiably froze. Instead, your roommate stiffened under your touch, giving you a mixed look of surprise and… something you couldn’t quite put your finger on at the given moment. 

Though ever so consistent, they bounce back within a couple of seconds with a cough, laughing their initial reaction off with a “Yeah, like you’d be able to handle me for real, sweetcheeks,” she pinches your cheek emphatically, earning an annoyed whine before she walks off. You’re glad she couldn’t see the way your face heated up from the irritating pet name. “Anyways, that tired me out. Tldr; being hot and sexy sucks when you only wanna be perceived by a certain someone and not by men! Goodnight~!” Gyu lets the door slam behind them. 

There is something really wrong with them.

Do not get the wrong idea! Living with Beomgyu has its perks, she aligned with your level of cleanliness, she brought in surprise takeout on the occasion, and in general pulled her weight where you didn’t. Was she excruciating at times? Yes, but not for the reasons the people who knew them would think. They liked to tease, bicker, and instigate for sure but it was all normally in good fun and lighthearted—that wasn’t where the problem lied. 

No, the problem with living with Choi Beomgyu was doing so under the subtext of liking them past what was considered platonic. All previously mentioned Beomgyu-trademarked tendencies were fine on their own; however, combine the teasing, the flirting with a hopeless and blossoming crush, and the result is you banging your head repeatedly against your bedroom wall, as Kaia, bless her heart, tries to squeeze her hand in between the hard surface and the wall.

Since that seemingly adverse reaction to your teasing, the vibes in the apartment have been slightly off. It feels as though for the past few days, you are barely seeing Beomgyu, if at all. It would be a flat out lie to say it wasn’t affecting you negatively in any way. It really eats at you that you potentially did something to make Gyu uncomfortable, something that they didn’t feel they could even have a conversation with you about. You were also agonizing at the prospect of giving your feelings for them away so recklessly. 

“Jesus, ____!! Let’s regroup please…” Soobin chimed in from where she sat comfortably on your rug, leaving her blue-haired underclassman to keep you from concussing yourself. You met Soobin and Kaia through Beomgyu a year back and have often studied together as a group since then. Now they were here to keep you from tweaking the fuck out about your fully realized crush on her.

“This is really so humbling, you know.”

“I can tell!” Soobin scoffs, a grin eating away at her faux annoyance. “Thanks as always for being such a comforting presence, Soobin.” You glare at her, but here’s little to no heat behind it. “Anyways,” the youngest attempts to actually recenter the focus of conversation, “I really don’t see what is so wrong about just having an honest conversation about your feelings with her?” Kaia looks over at you warily, like you’re a ticking time bomb. 

Your head burns. It’s not like you haven’t thought of straight-up telling Beomgyu your feelings before. Time and time again, even months ago you thought of telling them how you felt, but your excuse at the time was that it was too early in your lease to potentially fuck up the living situation should she reject you. But now you both had a mere month and change to renew your lease, and the timeline you set for yourself is rapidly drawing to a close. Before you could get an inch worth of an excuse out, Soobin gives her two cents.

“I think this has been drawn out for far too long in my humble opinion.” Soobin rolls her eyes before meeting your glaring ones, “Like it’s actually becoming painful to watch…” You cross your arms, choosing to not interrupt this time. “You? Sure, I can see hopelessly-in-love idiot being in character… but Buh-Buh-Beomgyu!?”

You want to slap Soobin upside her big-ass head, but you take a moment to actually use your brain rather than immediately act upon your impulses. Character development!

“What do you mean ‘but Beomgyu’?”

Soobin pales as the realization dawns on her, meanwhile Kaia is shaking her on some, “Unnie! you talk too much, oh my god.”

This can’t mean what you think it means… There’s no way, right?

“Shit, whatever… Can y’all get some other friends to confide in? I really don’t know how I got in this…” flustered, she goes back to looking at the new array of skins for her LoL champions. 

“____,” freshly dyed blue strands swayed as Kaia faced you once more. It takes her a few paces from where Soobin sat and she was now shaking you, much softer than she did the blonde. 

“Listen. I know you’re worried about how your feelings for Beomgyu-unnie will affect your relationship going forward… but I’m positive that should you just have a candid conversation with them, it can’t get weird—at least not weirder than this. They’ll get over whatever this is that they’re on real quick, trust me.” 

You can’t help but overthink the whole situation, things seemed to have devolved so quickly it was overwhelming. You were tripping over your words in all the various hypothetical routes that your brain concocted. It was just too much, you wanted to pull your hair out. 

“Shit…” you averted your eyes from Kaia as you felt them start to burn; hot with a sudden onslaught of tears.

“Oh, shit,” you could faintly hear Soobin’s voice over the sound of your sniffles. You try to wipe the tears as they come out, to no avail as they start to stream down your puffy cheeks. When Kaia pulls you into a soft hug you let out your first sob, gripping onto her sweater for dear life. You almost don’t register the distant slam of a door if it isn’t for Soobin, “God, that fucking idiot…” she hisses as she lightly caresses your hiccupping shoulders.

That night, sleep comes the easiest it has in a while. You thank the much overdue crying session had sandwiched between Soobin and Kaia for effectively exhausting you.

You feel as if the next morning you wake up a pound lighter, tension leaving your body. The rest heals not all, but some wounds, and you hope a good breakfast will save you for the time being. 

Before walking out your room completely, you listen for any movement coming from any other place in the apartment. Yes, Kaia did say to just talk to Beomgyu, but you had no desire to do so at nine in the morning. 

After confirming the coast was indeed clear, you walked leisurely to the kitchen to figure out fixing up something to eat. Fortunately, not much thinking needed to be done because a mere five paces out of the bedroom you were greeted with a sweet smell and a paper bag sitting in front of the microwave.

You look around you, triple checking that there’s no one else in the apartment before scurrying over to the source of the wafting scent. 

“Oh?” you peer into the bag to see your typical order from the diner you and Beomgyu frequent, a to-go box of waffles topped with whipped cream and fruit. The top was slightly ajar so that the heat wouldn’t melt the whipped cream as quickly, something that you would typically do yourself when ordering to bring back home.

You feel your heart swell at the gesture, especially upon reading the note inside. On the post-it note there was a scrawled “roomie ♡”, solidifying the fact that Beomgyu indeed did leave the sweet treat for you. 

“They must’ve just left,” you mumble to yourself as you read the timestamp for the pick-up order. Looking back down at your phone, you remembered that your roommate would be at work for the better part of the day. How convenient. You sigh as you take the treat to the living room, settling down on the coffee table. You think to yourself, ‘at least this gives me time to think about what I’m going to say…’ Wasting no more time, you scarf down your breakfast all while hoping that Beomgyu would stop avoiding you like the plague after this peace offering.

Usually, Beomgyu would come home on Sundays before 10:00 p.m. following her closing shift at the record store. So, when it’s approaching 12:00 a.m. and your roommate is nowhere to be seen, alarm bells start to ring. You first texted them closer to 10:15 when you didn’t get the normal “omw back!! ><” message from them to check in. When you texted them again to only get crickets as a response, your gut felt heavy with dread.

You call them several times, only to be sent straight to voicemail several times. You check the life360, just for user bamgyuuu to be greyed out on the map. You call Soobin and Kaia, both of whom apologetically remarked that they couldn’t reach them either. It is pretty safe to say you were freaking the fuck out. You had half a mind to call the authorities once your bleary eyes registered the time on your display: a bit past three in the morning. You resolved to stay swaddled up in a weighted blanket by the front door for now, body running cold as ever while you tried to keep your eyes pried open. Gaze trained on the chained door, you hope and wait anxiously for it to jostle, accompanied by a turn of the doorknob. You feel your body give into the throws of fatigue after hours of fighting it, bitten up nails relaxing their grip on the plush fabric wrapped around you.

When you finally come to, it is with an abrupt start. Your eyes snap open to the sound of the door straining against the security chain all but softly. Off sheer adrenaline, you jump up to your feet to see who the 6 am intruder was.

You let out a relieved sigh as you looked through the peephole of the door. Though turned around, you could see right away that it was your roommate who had just finally returned home. You quickly adjust your skewed tank top and shorts in a flawed attempt to look less discombobulated from Beomgyu’s unexpected absence. 

Upon opening the door, you’re hit with a sight that leaves you breathless. Beomgyu stood, leaning their forearm against the doorframe, other hand running through their mussed layers. The sight should have put any normal person off immediately; cargos sitting below their navel, revealing the plaid of their boxers, belt unbuckled, converse beaten and dirtied up, sweat dripping down their jaw and onto their chest, clad in a Calvin Klein bra. Okay, um… maybe you can’t be too mad at them for dropping off the face of the earth so suddenly.

But the purpled skin and red markings trailing up their neck brought you back to earth quicker than a bucket of ice and the dubsmash application circa 2015. What the fuck? Now out of your freaked-out haze, you are hit with the wicked concoction of alcohol, b.o., and a sickeningly sweet perfume Gyu has never worn. 

“Hey,” they mumble, voice hoarser than a motherfucker. Something nasty stirs inside you as they push past you and sway into the living room, and no, it's not sexy at all. You feel your head start to get hot as you worry your lip between your teeth, chest slowly heaving as you slam the door shut. Whoops, the neighbors will have to cope temporarily.

You start to stomp after them and when you find them in the kitchen, they are looking at you incredulously. The nerve. 

“What’s got you in such a mood?” they chuckle, but you fail to siphon any humor from it.

“You’re joking right?” You pose the question to them but their expression is unwavering. You scoff, “Where the fuck have you been, first of all… Second of all, why didn’t you have half a mind to let anybody know of your whereabouts?? I called Soobin! I called Kaia… N-no one knew where you were… I-I almost called the cops before you showed up, and you know how I feel about the police!” Your eyes couldn’t help but dart back and forth between the various hickeys and scratches she made no effort to hide either, it all made you even more irrationally angry. Maybe rationally angry after the next phrase leaves Beomgyu’s mouth.

“Since when do you care about my ‘whereabouts’, huh? You do realize we are both capable adults, right? I’m not a kid and you’re not my mom.”

Huh? You truly couldn’t believe your ears right now, mouth opening, closing then opening to finally speak again.

“What are you even saying to me right now Beomgyu? Why the fuck do you think I made you get on the stupid life360? For you to go on airplane mode when you are god-knows-where at 2 a.m.?”

“Hah, the fuck ever. Did you ever stop to think maybe I was, I don’t know, having fun? Trying to forget about all the excess noise in my life right now? Like God, I didn’t ask you to worry yourself sick for no damn reason… Don’t make this my problem.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, fingernails biting the cheeks of your palms. Was this the same roommate that you could always joke so lightheartedly with, the one that brought you your favorite takeout to cheer you up because she overheard you sobbing? Was this the same Choi Beomgyu your heart ached for? It felt as though you were a bell, head ringing incessantly as the dangling clapper tolled from temple to temple. Beomgyu was the bell-ringer, and it seemed as if her goal was to make your head toll so fervently, that the people down the street could hear the commotion clear as day. She didn’t have to try much harder to be successful, if that’s the case.

“I really can’t grasp the bullshit you’ve been on lately, but you know what? I'm glad having a random bitch suck you into next Tuesday and leaving you looking a goddamn mess is fulfilling for you Beomgyu.”

They scoff at the venom lacing your words before meeting your eyes again with raised brows, “Sure, y’know what I think? Maybe if you let someone suck you into next Tuesday, you wouldn’t be all clenched up on my dick right now.”

“Hah, oh right. Thanks for sharing your rich insight Choi Beomgyu, maybe I’ll have to consider taking your advice since it has you so chipper. It’s refreshing to see you show so much consideration for the people closest to you. Because fuck it if someone who actually cares about you wants to know that you’re safe, right?” 

You can’t even see anything through the rage and hot tears, vision blurred as you storm past Beomgyu. Without much thought or consideration, you grab a decently sizable bag and start ransacking your dresser, hands trembling as you drag out enough clothes to last you a week and then some. Clothes and essentials thrown haphazardly into the bag, you run through the apartment to get your shoes on, not sparing a glance at your roommate who stood unmoved from their spot in the kitchen with a lip worried between their teeth. You stride through the front door without a word, the weighted blanket left as a reminder of the night’s toils. You hiccup as you make your way down the stairs of the walk-up, quivering fingers scrolling to the ‘favorite-d’ contacts section before finding just the person you need. You hit the dial and wait eagerly hoping there will be an answer despite the time of day. You hold your breath, surely by the third ring there won’t be an answer. You jump when the ringing ceases suddenly.

“Taeri?”

“That’s so shitty dude, I’m sorry that happened.” You’ve spent the last 20 or so minutes since you’ve arrived in your co-worker’s apartment recounting through sniffles what had you at her doorstep in the first place. All the while, Kang Taeri managed to look the most apologetic you’ve seen her, I mean, it was kind of hard to show any ounce empathy in the workplace when a 30-something was screaming at you for using the wrong ratio of almond milk to non-dairy creamer in their caffeinated beverage, but I digress.

“This is the same roommate who you’ve been telling me about on our gym runs, yeah? The one you have a crush on?”

You just nod, wiping your irritated eyes before picking at your nails again.

“Well, in my opinion,” She sighs before pushing her bangs out of her face, “You had the right to be upset, I mean, god forbid something did happen to them, you would’ve had no way of knowing? I can’t really put myself in their shoes seeing as I can’t understand the thought process there…”

“I just—” You cut yourself off to take a deep breath inwards, “I wish I didn’t blow up at them the way I did but, Tae, I couldn’t help it… I mean they have the bodily autonomy and right to sleep and fuck around with whoever they want obviously but I just…It really felt like a punch to the gut.” You meet Taeri’s round eyes that seemingly encourage you to go on before fiddling with your hair and continuing.

“It's like, y’know I came off a little strong earlier in the week and I get that, I feel really bad about it even because it clearly made her uncomfortable… I guess just seeing her like that made me more angry because—I don’t even know… Jealousy is a real disease.” You rub at your face in frustration, regretful of the way your emotions came over you earlier.

“Well, listen… It’s done now, and I can understand why you feel the way you do, even if it blew up more than intended, I’ll have to talk to Junie briefly but I’m sure she’d agree that you can stay as long as you need to—oh good morning Unnie!” Your head snaps quickly behind you, spotting Taeri’s roommate, ginger hair in a messy braid, eyes holding a tender expression behind her specs. You manage a timid wave and a “sorry for the noise”.

Junie just waves your apology off as she draws closer, she offers the glass of water in her other hand to you, which you timidly accept.

“No need, I was up already anyways.” She hesitates, but continues, “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but I’m sorry you had to experience that… Beomgyu responding like that was so unnecessary.” You feel your face warm up a bit as the girl is getting heated on your behalf. “But, yea I won’t—um, Taeri is right, you can stay as long as you need, I don’t mind at all!” Junie rubs your knee soothingly, erasing any leftover doubt in your mind. 

“Thank you guys, really. I'm sorry aga—ow!” You're interrupted by Taeri smacking your shoulder, mumbling for you to stop with the incessant apologies and Junie giggling with a “Yah yah yah, easy Taeri!” 

You roll your eyes with a slight grin, “you know what? I'm not sorry actually!” Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

For the past few days you’ve been at the TaeJun residence, balancing conflicting emotions and work shifts (with Taeri’s support), while avoiding interactions with Soobin and Kaia about the fallout days prior. You’d be lying if you said that you were feeling too much better about the situation but the combined efforts of Junie and Taeri, your mood hasn’t been completely sullied.

Currently you were stepping inside the apartment, returning with some groceries. Junie insisted that you didn’t need to “repay” them back for their extended hospitality, whereas Taeri wasn’t necessarily going to turn down free groceries. You shuck your shoes off by the door before bringing the two reusable bags of food into the kitchen. In your periphery you could identify Junie in front of the sink, scrubbing away at some dishes humming a tune she had stuck in her head for the past couple of days. After letting the totes rest on the counter, Junie seemed to fully register your presence and with a quick look over her shoulder and a smile that could make the straightest girl’s cheeks warm. 

“Hi lovely” the soft lilt in her tone sends goosebumps up your arms, flustering you so that you fumble the bag of tangerines you were currently attempting to store in the fridge. It's hard to not be moved by Junie’s effortless charms, and you know that's not an original experience by any means. In the few times you’ve hung out with Junie, most of which were at functions, many were pulled by the magnetizing force of the girl. She didn’t make blatant moves to specifically pull anyone either, there was just this inexplicable pull that Choi Junie had on everyone that saw her regardless of gender.

That being said, she was far from oblivious to the effects of her effortless charms, and it’s definitely evident seeing as she’s giggling at your expense at the moment. You look away from the source of the laughter as you place the fruit in the fridge. Hopefully she wouldn’t make a comment on your reddening ears. You side-step avoiding eye contact as you search for other perishables that need to go in the fridge. You pick up the sound of the tap going off and almost jump out of your skin when you see Junie standing next to you, now reaching in the other tote filled with groceries. 

“What?” she stifles another giggle at your bewildered look, “It’s the least I could do! It's really sweet of you to go out of your own pocket to buy groceries, even after I offered to pay.” Junie’s lips curl downwards in a pout, plush lips pink with faux disdain. “I don’t appreciate you blocking me though, you know, in case you were wondering.”

You grin a bit at the sight, “Well I know you well enough to know that you were gonna send me the money even if I objected—sooooo, I’m afraid you're banned from my Apple Pay for the time being.”

After putting away the mango nectar you notice that there is a general silence from the left of you. Not necessarily a comfortable one either. Junie is still, a box of cashews held firmly in her palms, but she’s not paying any mind to them. Instead, she’s staring into space, lower lip protruding as she furrows her brow in contemplation. Being nothing but anxious, you briefly worry you’ve said or done something wrong: Overstaying your welcome? Blocking her kind gesture via Apple cash? Bought her least favorite type of nuts? 

“Umm,” You snap your head to the girl and find Junie’s eyes nervously meeting yours. This is a bit uncharacteristic from what you know of her, but you don’t interrupt to question her.

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way… but I-uh, think you’re cute.” She lets out a nervous chuckle before pushing her hair out of her face. 

“I know you have your heart set on someone else—I would never dream of getting in the way of that—but I think you deserve to know that other people think, that I think you’re a catch.” She reaches out to grasp your wrist gently between her two palms. “What I’m working up towards saying is I’d love to take you out, whatever to make you feel at ease.”

Flustered was a word that could be used to describe your manner at that moment, but it solely scratched the surface of conflicting and confounding emotions stirring within the cauldron called your brain. It’s true, you needed a pick-me-up to further aid you in forgetting the mess you left behind in your apartment, and yes Choi Junie was a sight for sore eyes! But, you wondered what would Beomgyu th–

“I’ll take you up on that offer.” It was as if your mouth ran instinctually upon the thought of your roommate. Fuck that, who cares what she thinks about who you go out with? They made it clear that they didn't care for your opinion on their escapades, so why should you care about their opinion on yours?

That sentiment was easy enough to adopt you suppose, but yet again you were hit with a whiplash effect of emotions as the nerves of going out with a gorgeous girl hit you all at once. You haven't really dated much since you started liking Beomgyu, so in a sense you felt like a fish out of water. And on top of that, Choi Junie was asking you out? The current reality makes your stomach hurt. 

“Oh?” She blinks at you in disbelief before relaxing slightly with a chuckle. “Honestly, I wasn't expecting that but uh… Awesome! But now you’re looking at me like I’m gonna bite you,” she quirks her brow in concern, “What's the matter, love?” 

There was something about Junie’s aura that just made you not want to lie to her and instead tell not just the truth, but the whole truth. As embarrassing as it was, she had you subconsciously doing just that.

“I haven’t haven't been on a date or with someone in the almost 2 years since I've liked Gyu… so I’m…” Your words gradually got quieter and quieter until no further words or sounds were audible. Junie just lets out that melodic giggle of hers as she steps into your space a bit more and rests her forearms atop your shoulders. You feel your stomach flip at the gesture and the look she has in her eyes.

“Oh babe, you don’t need to be nervous with me. I promise I’ll show you a good time.” She gave you a smooth wink, raising a hand to trail a finger under your jaw before pulling away entirely with a low chuckle. If you shivered that was your business and your business alone.

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.” The gulp you just took in was borderline comical and you can tell It amuses the girl before you. 

“Lovely. Let's do… tomorrow, after your shift?” You simply nod, as you could barely formulate coherent sentences at the present moment. 

After putting the rest of the groceries away, you scurried off to Taeri’s room to search for an outfit from your duffel that was date-worthy. After pillaging through the rather small selection of your best contenders you groaned, resigned at the fact that none were quite fit for a night out. You could maybe ask Taeri to borrow something from her wardrobe, but the idea loses intrigue almost as soon as it is thought as her pieces weren’t quite what you had in mind. Your mind was set on a specific skirt and strappy top, which of course was sitting pretty in your dresser back home.

You know logically Junie is not some stranger, but you still wanted to make a good impression visually (and maybe you wanted to feel hot too)! You wanted to pull your hair out. Having no date-appropriate clothing combos on you meant that you had to go back home. Now, you had to go back to the apartment at some point, but you made a mental point of cutting contact with Beomgyu for as long as humanly possible. Mentally having to gear yourself up to face the demilitarized zone of your walkup apartment was not something you would have ever envisioned for your time as Beomgyu’s roommate but we move, I guess.

“FUCK.” You scream into the spare pillow Junie let you borrow for your stay here and hope it doesn’t alarm anyone inside or outside of the TaeJun residence. 

“I guess it would be nice to be reacquainted with my heated blanket for a night…” You groan, the statement was pretty noncommittal in its delivery, but here’s to silver linings? You call Taeri, quickly letting her know of your (possibly temporary) departure from their apartment. 

“Okay, but if I need to show up with my metal bat just hit my line again.” She says casually through a stifled yawn, her dose of free caffeine from the café was most definitely wearing off at this time. It was about 4:00 pm and due to the lovely construct of daylight savings, it was well on its way to being pitch black outside. 

“I should probably head out before it gets any darker…” You sigh as you finally put an end to your stalling. You fold up your week-and-change worth of clothes and your toiletries back into your duffel, before zipping up your cold weather coat. You promptly make your way downstairs to give Junie a red-faced hug and murmur a bashful thank you leaving her smirking and waving at your swift departure. Women who know their effect on people uuuuughhhhhgh.

The ride back home unfortunately is very brief, so with as many side streets as you can afford to go down with the amount of gas left in your tank, you’re back at your address in an unfortunate 15 minutes. Walking up, you try to formulate possible first things to say to Beomgyu. From apologetic to vindictive, you ran through numerous permutations of conversation starters, greetings if you will. All the pre-planning stays outside the door you enter through though, as after sliding your shoes off you are immediately greeted by a bewildered Beomgyu, rushing down the stairs to find the source of the familiar noise of the creaky front door slam. 

The aforementioned girl looks around frantically only to meet your gaze with eyes wider than saucers. The brown porcelain like irises bore into your own with warmth you wanted to be hesitant to receive. She runs up to you with an unrestrained relief before quickly reeling it in from just a few feet away. Something flutters inside you—and it’s almost gnarly how nearly all the neuroses escape you past the point of seeing your darling roommate desperate, almost, distressed in your absence. That's something to unpack in solitude. You avert your eyes from her persistent ones, a wave of shame envelopes you. Was your unannounced departure partnered with going completely off the grid for over a week a bit excessive? The state of your walking will to live had you questioning just that.

A throat clearing brings you out of your solemn reverie, and back to the present moment, where you finally take in the clearly fatigued state of Choi Beomgyu. Eyelids puffy and dark, nose rubbed red and raw, hair mussed beyond a night’s rest. Their skin looks paler than the snow threatening to render the streets to complete slush. God. A heated coil tightens around your spine on the verge of completely singing it hot with the shame of your previous actions.

“Welcome home,” they force a tight lipped smile that pulls the coil impossibly tighter. You decide a staring contest with the floor is your best bet to not start bawling in front of your roommate. 

“Thanks,” you whisper with a nod, starting to walk past them. You could tell that something was hanging on the tip of their tongue, but you really needed a minute to decompress and shed the layers of shame and clothes from your body. You walk briskly up to your room to do just that and preemptively dry your eyes. You manage a shower and order in some tikka masala without running into Beomgyu, you don't manage to dream without running into Beomgyu, but you do manage to leave early for work without running into Beomgyu.

Your shift is remarkable unremarkable until, Taeri’s arrival jolts you awake with the reminder that you literally have a date with her hot roommate later. You blink at the realization dawning on you and dazedly wave to Taeri as she clocks in.

She chuckles, “What’s got you in such a state?” She pauses before fixing her expression in concern, “Did something happen after you got in?” You immediately assure her of the opposite. “No! I mean, They were home but we didn’t really speak much at all… sorry I forgot to text you. I’m just feeling really conflicted.” She raises an inquisitive brow as she dons her apron as you fix up to continue.

“I–well… I may have set up a date with your roommate for later today.”

“Oh?! And how do you feel about that?”

“And I think I’m feeling guilty about going completely no contact with Beomgyu because I literally almost sobbed my eyes out looking at them yesterday and the thought of going on a date with someone that’s not her like out of spite is fucking with me–”

Taeri brings a cup of tap water from the sink to your lips to stop the stream of words from flowing momentarily. You take a few sips before it starts to flow yet again.

“...and I know she’ll show me a good time but I'm still feeling so bad.”

Taeri nods, processing the absolute word soup that just came pouring out of you,.

“Well, I think it’s totally reasonable that you’re feeling conflicted, seeing as your feelings would probably take a lot more than one week to just vanish.” You nod, chewing nervously at your lips.

“But, that being said…I think you really, like,—desperately need to unwind. And if Beomgyu’s not gonna be the one to help you do that then…just maybe one night out with Junie can help with that.” You nod solemnly. “But, that’s just me though!” She says with her hands up as she walks away to fulfill a pickup order. 

On your collective break, Taeri reminds you that, maybe, taking your phone off airplane mode would be good! The onslaught of delayed notifications startles both of you, and it’s made clear quickly that Taeri was not aware of the extent of you cutting yourself off from the outside world. She shakes you really hard because “That's the type of shit that gets people on the first 48.” Fair. Deserved, honestly. 

Taeri’s scolding only resolidifies what is now fact in your mind that maybe the extent of your actions to avoid anything surrounding Beomgyu and y’all’s apartment was a bit excessive. On the drive home, you make sure to return the SooKaia residence’s missed calls with much an apology—enduring the extent of Soobin's berating because again, “You pretty much died!” in their eyes. After apologies were exchanged on behalf of the blonde by Kaia, you manage to start chatting about life since the initial incident at your apartment and how you somehow landed a date with Junie—and the call goes quiet. Soobin is the first of the roommates to speak after what was effectively a bombshell dropping on them. 

“Does Beomgyu know?”

The dreaded question that had your ears ringing seemed to echo in the sedan as you pulled into the driveway. 

“Does Beomgyu need to know?” You say with a bit more venom than desired. 

“No… I suppose not…”

“Good, Soobin. because I’m tired of thinking of Beomgyu in a romantic context if nothing realistically is going to come from it.” You sigh as you turn the key and stop the ignition. “I’m sorry, I’m just-”

“No, it’s okay, really. I shouldn’t have asked.” Soobin quickly assures you. Kaia chimes in. “Well, we are both glad you aren’t dead in a ditch and are very much alive operating heavy machinery.” Everyone laughs as the atmosphere lifts. Classic Kaia moment. 

“Well again, I’m really sorry for scaring you guys and I will update you about this date situation as it unfolds.” 

The two of them express their well wishes before the line goes silent and you head upstairs into the apartment. 

You immediately run up to the bathroom to wash the toils of the work day and the numerous doubts for the date planned for later off and down the drain before scurrying to pick out your outfit for the said date. After rifling through your mess of a closet, you found yourself in a bell-sleeved corset top and a tight mini skirt. Not the most comfortable, but not many outfits for a queer club tend to look the part. But hey, when you apply the last bit of brown lip liner and clear gloss, the whole look just might be your best one yet! If you put on a matching set under the whole ensemble that was your business and your business alone. Looking at the time, you had a comfortable 15 minutes to spare before you should start heading to the bus stop. You pack your purse with the essentials and head downstairs towards the kitchen. It would probably be a good idea to eat before ingesting an embarrassing amount of liquor. 

But before you could even get to the cupboards to sift through the pantry, the sight of Beomgyu restocking the pantry stops you in your tracks. Clearly your presence was also a shock because upon laying eyes on you, a case of yakult tumbles straight from their grip and onto their head.

“Fuck!” They yell and you instinctively rush over in your wedges to inspect the possible head injury 

“Oh my god?! Are you okay? shit do you need an ice pack? Let me–” A bout of wholehearted laughter racks through Beomgyu, making you ease up.

“I’m fine, it was just a 6 pack, I’ll live.” Her eyes open to observe the close proximity of the two of you and her expression becomes unreadable as she takes in your whole look. You feel a lick of shame branding you hot to the touch, as your body is the target of her scrutiny. 

“Where are you going dressed like that?” She half-laughs and it sends a faint shudder through you.

“On a date.” you say as nonchalantly as possible, bending over to pick up the case of yakult like you couldn't feel the rising intent behind her words. You feel her eyes on you as you slowly get up and it makes you uneasy. Where the fuck was this coming from? Her jaw fixes. “Oh.”

You look around awkwardly as you fiddled with the 6-pack. What the fuck is with the energy in the room right now. Does she care or something? Time was kinda of the essence so now you really needed to know. However, If SooKaia’s real ominous questions were anything other than delusion fodder, you really might just melt into a puddle unceremoniously. An undignified way to go but screw it, this isn’t going to go anywhere without direct communication.

“Okay hey so, what’s with that response?” You laugh with a quirked brow but really you are words away from getting sick all over your dolled up figure. She doesn’t seem too amused in return though, giving you another once-over while adjusting a concerningly firm grip on the counter behind them.

“You never dress like this. Like ever.” You double take at their hoarse tone and blatant disregard of your question. 

“Come again? What’s the problem exactly?” You quip back incredulously. They meet your eyes and this time the fire in them puts yours to shame and you feel your palms start to sweat under their gaze. 

“The problem?” They scoff, “The problem is that it’s seconds from driving me batshit insane.” They step closer, and you instinctively back up. “You disappear for a week with no word, come back, and now you’re dressed up to leave again for some random like shit is sweet?” The slight rise in their tone seemed to infuriate you more than intimidate you as you fire back at them.

“I beg your fucking pardon? I can dress however I want for whoever I damn please. I don’t know if you know this, but I am not a kid. How I carry myself should not concern you.” The last thing you had planned on your to-do list was a screaming match with your roommate but when life gives you lemons, right?

“Well it does!” 

“Why does it, Beomgyu?!”

“Because I want to be the one that you dress up for?”

Your heart stops. The kitchen is silent for a few beats. You muster up a response in a shaky, uncertain voice. “What are you saying to me right now?”

Beomgyu is pacing now, rubbing their face in what reads as frustration and groans.

“Fuck, I guess I’m doing this now.”

Your heart felt like it was fucking palpitating as she pivoted towards you and walked within arm’s reach. When she grabbed your hand you jumped a bit, but the shift of visible anxiety in their visage made everything still momentarily. 

“Wh–”

“I really…” They pick at the skin on their lip with their canines before taking a deep breath. 

“I am really fucking devastatingly in love with you.” Her voice is thick with pent-up emotion. They continue before you even have a second to process their confession. “I-I know I’ve been a dick and just in general have had a real backwards way of showing it but I am, okay? I have been for ages, I didn’t want to fuck up what we had going on here already and I couldnt stand the idea of making you uncomfortable or not having you in my—”

“Can I kiss you?”

They blink as their spiraling is cut short. Tears cresting the smoky liner along your bottom lid, you cradle their cheek after they give you a relieved, “Please” in response.

Your lips meet in a desperate press of slightly chapped clashing with sticky, sweet gloss. Your mind is suddenly flooded and actively reels with all the wants and desires you’ve had filed away for so long, previously deemed as improbable, now coming alive against you. When Beomgyu's  hands grip your waist, your body involuntarily jolts. You can barely register their lips turning upwards into a slight smirk against yours before they grip you even harder. You gasp, breaking away to hide your warming cheeks in the crook of their neck. Their chuckle racks through you something dangerous, it’s simultaneously the most devastating and most dreamy sound to grace your ears. They hook a finger under your chin with an endeared expression. 

“Sensitive, princess?”

Yeah. You might just have to melt into that aforementioned puddle.“I-” They raise an expectant brow, obviously humored by your dwindling composure. “I’m not super—um… experienced so. I don’t really know what I’m doing…”

“Oh?” Gyu backs up slightly, keeping you in their grasp. Their expression relaxed “We can take it slow—I mean! If you wanted to do this at all, that is. Your call.” Now it was your turn to be endeared.

“Gyu, don’t doubt for a second that I like you too. Fuck, want you even.” 

Their eyes seem to glitter for a second. “You…do?” You nod. She grins, a sliver of confidence resurfacing. “You want me?”

“I have wanted you for the longest.”

“Fuck,” a heated sigh leaves your lips at the contact of her tongue meeting your neck, “you don’t beat around the bush, do you?” Beomgyu just smirks against you, the sight of which sends a shiver down your back. 

“You love it, don’t front baby.” You did. That much was true, if the way your thighs were subconsciously rubbing against each other was anything to go by.

“Wanted to have you like this for me for so long,” she punctuates the end of her sentence with a harsh nip to the juncture of your neck, ripping a gasp from your bitten lips.

“R-Really?” you can’t help but lean deeper into Gyu’s hold as their touches increase in fervor.

“Mhmm,” They hum against your collarbone, before releasing the skin there with a pop. “Let me make it up to you, pretty?” They look up at you, eyes hooded and pupils blown. Desperation sits, burning hot on their swollen lips.

“Only if you want.”

You know Beomgyu is only asking out of necessity for verbal consent because the pleased look on her face let you know loud and clear that your body had already made its needs evident.

“Yes,” you mumble. 

“What’s that baby?” She leans up to your ear as she poses the question, lightly toying with the lettuce hem of your top. She’s teasing you,. Something you should’ve expected to carry over into the bedroom given Gyu’s typical behavior. But instead of eliciting a reaction of pure annoyance, a hot rush of need runs under your skin as you whine. Beomgyu’s gaze is trained on your every move, eyes rapt as they wait for you to respond. 

“Make it up to me, Beomgyu,” you keen, finally meeting their gaze again. She groans at the needy sound and swiftly shifts you off her lap, pinning you flat on her duvet.

“See,” they muse, “That wasn’t so hard, now, was it?” Their hands venture up your sides with a grin that makes you want to kiss them silly. “No…” 

You huff lightly when she chuckles at your indignant response, “you’re so irritating, god…”

“Hmmm?” 

Your breath stops when her fingers begin to pull your shirt upwards, relaxing slightly when she lets the hem rest just below your tits.

“I think you like it when the girls who fuck you are a little irritating though, hmm?” Gyu says that so matter-of-factly, you had nothing to quip back with. The verbal acknowledgment of what was going to happen next was making your core clench with anticipation.

“Thought so!” they chime. You roll your eyes before pulling them back to eye level and into a heated kiss. Beomgyu hums against your lips, sliding their hand under your rucked up shirt to lay on your breast. When they break away momentarily, you don’t realize you’re frowning until they let out an all-too-fond giggle, “Can I take your top off baby?”

The moment is so sweet you can’t help but smile at your new lover, nodding your head before giving them a quick “yes.”

They plant a few quick kisses across your face, making you giggle. Soon enough, they returned to leaving more languid ones along the sensitive column of your neck, your thighs instinctively closing around their waist. They grasp the fabric stretched around your tits and with a quickness, it’s pulled over your head and thrown off their bed.

“Shit,” she breathes out heavily upon seeing the lace cupping your tits.

“Can’t believe I almost let some random see this,” her hands trace the intricate pattern before letting them softly caress the underside of your chest.

You let out a pleased sigh, leaning further into Beomgyu’s palms. “Glad it was you instead,” you gasp at the feeling of her pinching your nipples through the fabric. Meeting Gyu’s eyes, you can see them fail at holding back a smile through the lip they were biting. 

“I’m sure baby, you’re making the prettiest sounds for me and I haven’t even done anything yet.” You can feel the heat behind Beomgyu’s gaze, that combined with the teasing pace they were setting made you dizzy.

“Gyu,” you whine as she’s still fondling your tits, “Please… don’t you want to see if I'm matching?” Your roommate raises her brow at your provocation, but it seems to have the desired effect as she goes to trail her hands lower to your skirt.

You unwrap your legs from their waist as they start to unzip your skirt. Upon removing it, they groan, smoothing their palms around your hips. You were, in fact, matching. 

“God, you are gonna be the death of me,” they chuckle, stunned to be actually seeing your body in such an intimate setting. Eyes trailing down the curves of your torso, Beomgyu gasps softly as their eyes take in the faintly darker patch of fabric peeking out between your thighs. She curses before spreading your thighs apart, jaw slack amid seeing the drenched lace atop your core.

You try to shy away from their eyes and grasp, but in response they just pull you closer and their assertion makes you fall weak in their hands.

“Please let me finger you, pretty,” the slur of their words is dizzying but you give them the green light, bucking slightly into their calloused hands. Shucking off their sweater, you feel your mouth water at the sight of their arms, lightly toned muscles stretching over their head. You resolve to get your lips all over them once Gyu was through with you. The thought was cut deliciously short as they pin your hips firmly onto the mattress with one hand and graze your clothed pussy with the other.

“Shit, you’re soaked baby” her words have you keening. You grab for her teasing hand and place it flat against your core, looking into her eyes as you grind against the heel of her palm. The friction from the movement has your eyes rolling back into your skull, until a sharp hit to your outer thigh halts your movements with a small yelp.

“So naughty, baby” she tsks and you avoid her heated gaze, only for her to grab your chin to forcibly meet her eyes once more.

“Uh-uh, you’re going to look at me while I’m fucking you, pretty.”

Your breath leaves you momentarily as Beomgyu’s deft fingers effortlessly pull your panties to the side and returns in the form of an airy moan as she slides her middle finger against your fluttering hole. You fight to keep your eyes from flitting shut at the satisfying slide, locking your pleading eyes with hers.

“That’s it baby,” she coos before pressing a finger into you, “Good girls get what they want.”

Your head falls back as their finger sinks up to the last knuckle, Beomgyu’s fingers were slightly thicker than your own and the difference in size had you clenching around her. She chuckled lowly at your scrunched up face, “Relax baby.”

You look down to glare at her, but there’s no real heat behind it, expression immediately softening upon the sensation of Gyu curling their finger ever so slightly against your gummy walls. “Shit,” she breathes in sharply as you gush around her from the slight stimulation, “There we go, sweet girl. Can you take another now?”

You nod, not trusting the integrity of your voice at the moment. Gyu just gives you a soft grin before pressing their lips against yours, humming against you.

You exhale softly, lips breaking apart as Beomgyu slides a second finger into you. A pleased hum escapes you as Gyu returns their affections to your splotchy neck, your fingers reflexively tangling in their hair.

Beomgyu started to withdraw their fingers from inside of you, stopping at the first knuckle, before swiftly thrusting them back in. Your eyes snap open as a choked moan forces its way from your slick lips.

Her pace is unrelenting, each thrust sending a tremor through your body and a jolt of pleasure deep within.

“Oh fuck!” a loud moan rips from your chest as her pace only builds, the lewd sounds coming from your pussy making your head spin. “Gyu! Nnnh—”

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” You let out a mewl as their fingers slip out of you, taking a beat to rub up your folds. Your hips cant upwards when you feel a firm tap to your clit, and you look up through teary eyes to see Beomgyu gazing at you with an expectant expression. “I asked you a question, pretty.”

She rubs your clit in slow circles, relishing in the way you writhe against her in a mix of pleasure and embarrassment. When you answer, it’s through another pathetic whine, but anything to get her to stop teasing you.

“F-feels good, Gyu, fuuuuck…” You don’t realize your hands subconsciously try to encourage her movements until you feel a lack of stimuli from your aching clit. You let out a tortured sob as your thighs clench together in frustration, hands thrown up to cover your face as your chest shakes. 

“What did I say baby?” She pauses to crawl over you slowly, as if she was on the prowl. Her eyes are so dark, a shudder rattles through you. Your eyes follow the languid movement of her tongue, licking her lips before flicking upwards to see the arch of her brows. She’s waiting for you to respond again. The back and forth with Beomgyu was agonizing, yes, but it turned you on far more than you were willing to admit. Not that you needed to verbally, anyways.

You open your mouth hiccupping through the fucked-out tears streaming down your flushed cheeks, “Good g-girls get what they want…” She coos at your response, and it's downright humiliating. God, you hated how it made you needier. “That’s right! My smart baby understands that so well,” Their expression drops seconds later.

“So why are they acting like a stupid little slut?”

Something hot flutters in your gut at the new name bestowed upon you. More tears roll down your face, “I’ll be good, I promise…please don’t stop,” you choke out.

Beomgyu’s face is unreadable for a split second, but they quickly snap out of it and let out a soft groan at your plight, snaking a hand to cradle your dampened cheek. Their thumb soothes your reddened flesh before pressing it onto your bottom lip. 

“Fuck,” they stammer as you suck their finger into your mouth with zero hesitation or thought behind it. “Will you? Because I’m starting to realize that maybe you never needed me to fuck you like a good girl.” Your eyes flutter open as her hand makes its eager return to your dripping folds. “Shit, still so wet… You like me talking down to you like this, huh baby?” You have no time to answer before you’re cut off by a sudden stretch, three fingers now sliding inside you with reckless abandon. Your lips release their thumb with a ‘pop’ sound as your jaw slacks. 

“Y-yes—Gyu! thank you, thank you, thank you,” you damn near wail as she finally gives you what you’ve been needing—to be absolutely ruined.

“Mmhm, that’s it. Take it.” Her, now free, hand trails from its previous spot on your jaw down to your throat before softly wrapping their fingers around the splotchy flesh. “Let this pretty pussy take what it needs, baby.” Gyu groans as the slide in and out of you gets sloppier. They lean down to take an exposed nipple into their mouth, relishing in the way you arch and squirm against them. You clench particularly hard around them after they curl their fingers just right, it has your thighs trembling. Gyu stares in awe.

“Shit, pussy’s squeezing me now, look at that,” she says softly as if you could shatter at any second. “Are you gonna cum for me? Hmm? Gonna show me how good this pussy feels, baby?” You can barely nod through the overwhelming stimulation.

“Gyuuu, gonna c-cum!”

“Cum then, doll.”

The wave of your climax crests and crashes, releasing in a gush, hot and sticky around Gyu’s fingers paired with a pent-up whine. Gyu stares in awe as she soothes her free hand along the outside of your thigh. “Baby,” they coo, “You made such a mess!” They giggle, and then pause for a second. Before you can react, they withdraw their fingers from inside of you. Your back seizes, eyes wide when you feel said fingers return, sliding back and forth across your clit, unrelenting.

“Gyu! I can’t—”

“You can do that again for me, yeah?” Their eyes were rapt, fixed on your quivering thighs and glistening cunt. The feeling overwhelms you again with a ferocity unmatched. Their fingers curl languidly in against the spot that does you in once more. “Fuck, I’m—!” Your hands scramble for purchase before gripping their sweaty forearms. “C’mon princess. Make a mess of my sheets.”

You whimper, trying and failing to withhold the scream that inevitably forces its way from between your lips as your climax splashes your thighs, Beomgyu’s fingers, and pants. “Atta girl, oh my god. You’re amazing,” Gyu soothes you, kissing you through your pleasure-induced tears and rubbing your quivering thighs. 

You catch your breath and with eyes closed you mutter, “I’m cooked bro.” Beomgyu all-out guffaws beside you before scattering kisses across your tired visage once more. “I would reciprocate but I…” you make a noncommittal hand gesture that has Beomgyu chuckling again.

“It’s fine, another time.” You hum with a nod. It's comfortably silent for a while. You nearly drift to sleep before you hear Beomgyu speak again,

“You know, I wanted to take you on a date before fucking you dumb. I’m hoping you’ll still let me take you out?”

You peer at them through your left eye incredulously before busting out into laughter. 

“Choi Beomgyu, I’m fucking tired of you!”

“Okay, well—!” The two of you laugh in a tangle of limbs and fabric and exchanged kisses for a solid while. It's something you could definitely get used to. So what if there  was something really wrong with them? Maybe there was something wrong with you too.

thinking of making this a series eek...lmk ur thoughts!! all of them.

ao3 <- check me out ^^

[causticsodaa]

Tensei Ringo and Choji

(I apologize for the lack of quality for some of the panels, I hate tumblr image limit)

A few years ago, Nii Satoru had drawn a series of WBK characters parodying certain J-pop/Vocaloid songs. Nearly all of these arts containing the songs had lyrics that directly related/fit the character drawn, such as Endo sitting like Kenshi Yonezu in Shinigami, Sakura running in a similar fashion shown in the Mahi music video by yama, and Tsubaki drawn as the girl in Gira Gira sung by Ado.

However, there is one particular art that stands out to me: Choji parodying Tensei Ringo (Reincarnation Apple) by PinnochioP.

For context, Tensei Ringo tells the story of a person (the singer) being generally unsatisfied with their life and themself as a person. They buy a magical apple which lets them reincarnate and start a brand new life every time they bite into it. Though they manage to accomplish great things in during their multiple lives, they all eventually end badly. The singer then realizes that no matter reality they’re in, their reality will always turn sour. The singer throws the apple in the trash can in the end, choosing to live with their normal reality instead.

If you would like to know more about Reincarnation Apple’s plot, I recommend checking out the Vocaloid Lyrics Wiki article for the song, from which I’ve taken the translated lyrics from.

But isn’t the song about isekai’ing and being unsatisfied with every reality you’re in? How does this relate to Choji in any way?

As mentioned in the prior examples, Nii-sensei had deliberately chosen specific songs with lyrics that fit certain characters. The same applies to Choji, though Tensei Ringo’s straightforward lyrics take a different meaning altogether if you apply the context of Choji’s story to them.

For the analysis part of this post, I’ve only included lyrics that relate to Choji/Shishitoren rather than the full song, due to it’s indirect nature when attributed to their story. Tensei Ringo is one of my favorite PinoP songs, so without further ado, here’s my own interpretation of it!

Lyrics

I hate my ordinary self, I despise my colorless life

This alludes to Choji’s mentality when he first became the leader of Shishitoren. Unsure of how to proceed now that he’s finally reached his goal, he finds himself confused. He then started to blame his teammates, rather than himself for his issues.

‘Colorless’ can also refer to how Choji was constantly bored throughout the Shishitoren arc, complaining about not having fun.

I took a mouthful of a suspicious apple that I bought from a shady dealer // All the shrewd wannabes are doing it // I can be reborn as someone meaningful with this Reincarnation Apple

Choji had always wanted to become the top of Shishitoren, though with the misconception of ‘becoming free’. The reincarnation aspect of Tensei Ringo now becomes a metaphor for leadership/strength, rather than ideal escapism.

This line can also refer to Umemiya’s own leadership, and how Choji used to envy him as the top of Furin.

I became an artist, from the whole world I was praised // I was special, everyone else ordinary, in my talent I was befuddled and amazed

Choji has always been admired when in Shishitoren, whether it be for his bright personality or his sheer strength. He was genuinely loved by everyone…

But I lacked the gift to love, and my beloved others abandoned me

This line doesn’t really fit Choji’s story as the opposite occurred during SSTR arc, but I like to interpret this as Choji not realizing that he’s always been free when he’s with his teammates (lacked the gift to love), and how the members of Shishitoren had been kicked out of the team if they were perceived as weak (maybe Choji percieving them as ‘abandoning’ Shishitoren’s priniciples/being strong).

I became an inventor, I created the invention of the century

‘Invention’ could possibly refer to Choji’s wanting to be as free as possible, so he decided to become the leader of Shishitoren, as well as Choji wanting everyone to become as strong as him.

“Please bring peace to the world”, I prayed truly and sincerely

Much like the singer in original song, Choji thinks that his idea will help change Shishitoren for the better.

But my invention was weaponized, a cruel rain of blood it created

Spoiler alert: It didn’t, thanks to Togame. Since he had enabled Choji instead of challenging his faulty ideals head on (my invention was weaponized), Togame had effectively ruined Shishitoren by discarding those who were ‘weak’ (a cruel rain [given it was actually raining when Jo made his promise] of blood it created).

Strategies to win in life, surefire guide to feel elate

Pretty much summarizes Choji’s initial mentality as a leader: being the top made you the freest and is fun—though Choji wasn’t able to experience either of those things.

How imprudent, did your “selfhood” evaporate?

This is literally Umemiya’s sentiment towards Choji:

Dancing on a mountain of corpses

This lyric reminds me of the chapter art below. ‘A mountain of corpses’ references the amount of people kicked out of Shishitoren for being too weak, hence Choji sitting the pile of jackets. The ‘dancing’ part could show how Choji was rather careless about how he handled his team.

Love me, love me, no~

This particular line is repeated throughout the song’s choruses; and with it, a picture of a sun is also shown in the music video. Togame calls Choji the sun. I think these two images explain themselves.

The same characterless stories are sparkling

This could refer to Choji’s perspective of the fights in the Orion. Though they had moved Furin students (and the audience in that extent), Choji never fully understood the nuance of each fight, only admiring the skills of the fighters themselves. He even sleeps through Suo and Kanuma’s fight.

Reincarnation, overkill at the end of endless reincarnations

‘Overkill’ can exemplify the state of Shishitoren during Choji’s initial leadership.

I became a savior, unconditional love I gave to all // Worshiped and respected by the people, young and old I would enthrall

Connects back to Choji being loved.

But I was too innocent, evil deceived me and to the bare bones they ate

Could either allude to how naïve Choji was before he became the top (evil being the need to be free), or Togame willingly enabling Choji.

I became a revolutionary, I despised the lip service and deceit // I questioned and fought in a world where the honest always faced defeat

This is my personal interpretation, but I believe that this line relates more to Togame’s true wish to stop Choji rather than Choji himself.

But I was consumed by my power and even peace I cremated

Self explanatory.

I don't have a great cause, just change and reset

Refers to Choji not having a proper goal to achieve once he became the top as well.

A slave to pleasure, the ghost of a highbrow smartass // Even in another world, reality was just as lame

Connects back to Choji wanting to be free, and constantly feeling bored after he became Shishitoren’s leader.

Again and again, reborn and reborn // Historyless and uneducated? I'm sorry

Shows Choji’s ignorance (and him apologizing to Togame after his fight w/ Ume)

I became an adventurer, I set out in search of an ideal // Everyone marveled at me as I took on the most challenging ordeal

Yeah.

But my ideals went to the extreme, innocent lives I sacrificed // Oh, oh, not again? What destination will suffice?

YEAH.

Oh, my reincarnation is over, I'm back to my ordinary self // I'm sad but I breathe a sigh of relief, where should I go from here // Everyone quits once they’re sober, a sense of self, we become mindful

This is quite literally Choji after Shishitoren arc lol

Straight into the trash, the Reincarnation Apple

Relates to how Choji finally realizes the error of his ways post-Shishitoren.

Additional Thing

What’s funny is that in the other official parody arts, the characters seem to be doing the things depicted in their respective MVs. Furin Trio does the silly little dance shown in Solar System Disco by NayutalieN, and even Suo sits just like Kaito in Shanti by wotaku.

But in Choji’s art (pls scroll back up to see it again), he’s holding the apple, as compared the girl in the thumbnail of Tensei Ringo. It’s nowhere near his mouth—and it’s probably because unlike in Reincarnation Apple, Choji didn’t overindulge himself (bite into the apple over and over again when he felt unsatisfied) in being the freest or use his power to do worse things, since he realized his wrongdoings in the end.

[nyutasomething]

my headcanons about simon riley

1. what's he like in a relationship?

simon riley would be a tough nut to crack in a romantic relationship. he's a quiet and private person, so it would take him some time to open up and let his partner in..

initially, riley would be cautious and guarded, unsure of how to navigate the intimacy of a relationship. he would struggle with vulnerability and expressing his feelings openly. subtle gestures and actions would speak louder than words for riley.

but once he trusts his partner and lets them past his defenses, riley can be a really caring and attentive partner. he'd be super loyal and protective, doing everything he could to keep them safe and make them feel secure.

in the relationship, riley would appreciate quality time spent together, even if it's just quietly enjoying each other's company. he may not be the most outwardly affectionate, but he would show his love through small acts of kindness and support.

riley would also be very patient and understanding, willing to give his partner space when needed. he would respect their boundaries and never pressure them. at the same time, he would hope for that same level of understanding in return.

intimacy may be a challenge for riley at first, as he's unused to let someone get so close. but over time, as he becomes more comfortable, he opens up and is quite passionate and devoted behind closed doors.

overall, being in a relationship with wimon riley would require patience and understanding. but for the right person who can break through his walls, he would prove to be a loyal, loving, and protective partner.

2. does riley have any specific relationship dealbreakers or red flags?

— lack of trust/honesty

given riley's traumatic past, the ability to trust and be trusted is paramount. he would have a very low tolerance for any dishonesty or deception from a partner. betrayal of that trust would likely be an unforgivable dealbreaker.

— disrespect of his boundaries

riley highly values his privacy and solitude at times. a partner who is constantly demanding his attention or prying into his past would quickly wear thin on him. he needs a certain level of independence and space within the relationship.

— recklessness or carelessness

riley is extremely cautious and calculated, both in his work and personal life. a partner who is reckless, impulsive, or careless would clash significantly with his careful, methodical nature. he couldn't be with someone who constantly puts themselves or others at risk.

— disloyalty

as a deeply loyal person himself, riley would expect the same from a partner. any hint of infidelity or betrayal of their commitment would likely be an immediate dealbreaker for him. he needs to feel secure in the relationship.

3. what qualities or behaviors would riley find most attractive in a potential partner?

— patience and understanding

Riley is a bit guarded, so he'd probably like someone patient who's willing to take the time to get to know him. He'd respect someone who doesn't pressure him to open up before he's ready.

— loyalty and discretion

as a highly private person, riley would value a partner who is discreet, trustworthy, and fiercely loyal. someone who can keep his confidence and stand by him no matter what.

— competence and capability

riley is skilled and talented in his own right, so he would be drawn to a partner who can match his level of competence. he would admire someone who is capable, resourceful, and self-sufficient.

— genuine care and affection

beneath his stoic exterior, riley yearns for genuine care and affection. he would be touched by a partner who makes the effort to understand him and show they truly care without being overbearing.

— perceptiveness

riley keeps his emotions close to the vest, so he would appreciate a partner who is highly observant and intuitive. someone who can pick up on his subtle cues and moods without him having to openly express them.

4. examples of how simon might express her attraction to a potential partner

— subtle acts of service

rather than grand, public gestures, simon would show his affection through small, thoughtful acts. perhaps he notices his partner's coffee mug is empty and quietly refills it.

— protective instincts

if he senses his partner is in any kind of distress or danger, riley's protective nature would immediately kick in. he might subtly position himself between them and any perceived threat or discreetly check in to ensure their wellbeing.

— intense eye contact

while man isn't one for overt displays of emotion, his eyes would likely betray his inner feelings. when interacting with his partner, he may hold their gaze intently, conveying a depth of unspoken affection.

— gentle, lingering touches

riley would be cautious about initiating physical contact, but when he does, it would be purposeful and charged with underlying meaning. a hand on the small of their back, a brush of their fingers, a longing gaze.

— sharing rare insights

simon is very selective about what he chooses to share about himself. if he opens up to his partner, even in small ways, it would be a profound display of trust and intimacy from him.

— defending their honor

should anyone ever speak ill of or act disrespectfully toward his partner, man would not hesitate to defend them firmly. his loyalty and protectiveness would shine through, even if he doesn't vocalize the underlying reason.

5. examples of how simon riley might express his attraction in a public setting

— discreet physical contact

man would likely avoid overt public displays of affection. however, he may allow for the occasional brush of his hand against his partner's or a gentle touch at the small of their back as they walk together. brief, almost imperceptible gestures that convey his desire for closeness.

— protective positioning

if in a crowded or potentially threatening environment, riley would naturally position himself between his partner and any perceived danger. this protective instinct would shine through, even if he doesn't explicitly acknowledge it.

— attentive body language

while riley may not openly stare or gaze adoringly at his partner, his body language would likely convey his focus and attention. he would face them, make occasional eye contact, and orient his entire being towards them.

— subtle expressions

riley usually doesn't show much emotion, but when he's with his partner in public, you can sometimes see a little smile or a crinkle around his eyes. only someone who knows him really well would notice it, though.

[lotusarchon]

nah now being serious, remember when I told you about the 'there was only one bed' trope and Red Son? yeah, that

if it's sfw or nsfw I'll leave it up to you and what you feel more comfy writing rn 🫶 take ur time lil bro

there's only one bed (red son x reader)

content warnings: second pov (you/your), male reader (transmasc intended but not implied), only one bed trope, red son being a tsundere, sfw, fluff, fake dating au implied

author's notes: made it sfw just because i think emotionally stunted red son is funny to me <3 hope you still liked it pome! (additional note: a while back, only decided to try and post it now)

“You know, when I heard about that one bed, one room thing from the dragon girl, I thought she was fucking with me.” Red Son plops himself onto the bed, arms spread wide as he glares up at the ceiling. With that angle, you haven't a clue what he's currently thinking, but you doubt it's anything pleasant as you closed the door shut behind you.

You would've laughed, tempted by his dilemma, but you also didn't have the heart to do so. The last thing you would want is to have yet another fine from the fire prince's petty outburst and setting off enough fire alarms to cause a flood.

“It's not so bad,” you point out, setting your belongings in a corner you claim as yours. “I mean. It's just sharing a bed for one nignt. No big deal.”

Isn't it? The only reason you're here is for the sake of Red Son and some duty he has to fulfil for his mother. Though their relationship had been somewhat mended, some things couldn't be changed―one of which was Princess Iron Fan’s urge to pester her son for an heir. Or, at least, to find some partner to mingle with so she could live the rest of her years knowing her bloodline wouldn't be all lost.

Originally, Mei had been his first option to start a ‘fake dating’ scenario. The dragon girl was wealthy and was more likely to understand how behind the scenes would work.

And as Red Son spares you a glance, his cheeks flushing pink, he can't remember why he ditched Mei over you, a mere peasant boy with nothing to your name except maybe your exceptional talent in baking.

You're just you, in his head. A commoner no different than the noodle boy, and yet….

“Well, scooch over.” You nudge the prince from his daydreams, climbing to one side of the mattress. It's soft, spongey and much cheaper than the ones he's used to at home, but you seem more than at ease while settling yourself on his right, the pillows tucked under your head. A blissful sigh escapes you, and Red Son stares a little. “Damn, I haven't had a bed this comfy since I was a baby.”

Red Son frowns. He does find this awkward, the situation you're both in.

And call him spoiled, but he's never shared a bed before, not even with his own mother, the woman who gave birth to him. He's used to being alone, curling up under his thick blankets, his own body heat enough to keep him warm.

It's fine, it's fine. You're both men here, what's the worry? The gentle rising and falling of your chest and the way your lashes flutter doesn't bother him, and he doesn't stare. Of course not.

“Do you humans sleep on floors still?” He remarks, his tone harsher than he intends it to be. He makes a face, sparing you a quick glance to see if you're offended, but you only offer him a smile.

“No. But my mattress is kinda hard,” you admit, turning on your side. Tufts of hair sticks to your cheek, and Red Son, as he sits up, has to stop himself from reaching out to tug on the strand. He watches you tuck your hair back, another one of your smiles visible on your expression. “Like. Not hard. But you know. Not as soft as this one, you feel me? And my neck hurts a lot when I sleep.”

Oh.

Humans are strange.

Still, he glances up at the ceiling, playing with his glasses between his fingertips. His thumbs press into the lenses, and a soft, barely audible sigh, escapes him.

“You know, I have an, um. Well.” He coughs as soon as he begins to speak, unsure of how to phrase himself.

It's not like he's desperate or anything. He's Red Son, the fire prince, the creator and once wielder of the Samadhi Fire, and the spawn of the Demon Bull King, Monkey King's sworn brother, and Princess Iron Fan, an ex-celestial maiden. His bloodline is far superior than an ordinary mortal’s, and he's certainly stronger and better and….and….

And he really wants you to admire him, a little. It's so disappointing, knowing that he doesn't strike the same effect on you as he does on the noodle boy and dragon girl. He wants you to gasp and grovel…well, not grovel but, to like him back. A little!! Just a little…

He hesitates, noticing you've been staring at him, and maintains composure.

“Because I feel sorry for you,” he begins, placing emphasis on the word ‘sorry’, “I, Red Son, will grant you a…reward, of sorts.” He clears his throat, hoping the warmth on his cheeks aren't visible. “....you can, uh. If this works, and my mother buys our act…. I can help you with your living situation. Starting with a more comfortable bed.”

He pauses as he considers his own words.

If, if, his mother genuinely believes that you're both together, then….then that would mean, he must see you more often. Because couples visit each other often, and they must court, and his mother would surely be suspicious if he didn't court you.

And then, that would mean you need to visit him. And hold his hand, and pretend to kiss. And smile at him more, and…and….

Red Son clutches the lapels of his shirt and swears his body feels like it might just combust if he isn't careful. He doesn't want to end up with both of you soaked because of his outburst.

“Really? Just out of sympathy for me?” He hears your voice tease, and dares to spare you a glance. You've propped yourself up on a pillow, your lips curved into a smile that sends his heart racing. The gentle look in your eyes and the flush on your cheeks that slowly spreads…. “I'm heartbroken. Hear I was thinking you were already falling in love with me.”

Red Son falls off the bed with a thump. You can't help your laughter as you lean over his side, peeking down at his burning red expression and dilated pupils. The tip of his tail seems to burn, and his chest heaves.

Ah, you might've scared him too much.

“Sorry, sorry,” you apologize, offering a hand for him to accept. He glowers at you, choosing instead to roll onto his side with his back facing the bed, and you. This time, you withold your laughter. “Aw, Red Son, don't be mad. I was only teasing. Can't you forgive me?”

It's precisely because you're teasing I can't forgive you, damn it! He swears in his head. His only response to you is to flick his tail, and you sigh at his dramatics.

“Don't be angry.” You gently poke at him with a pillow. “How are we supposed to fool your mom if you're mad, huh? Come onnnn, I'm really sorry. I won't make jokes like that again, okay? Will that make you feel better?”

“...”

Red Son huffs and sits up. A small part of him feels foolish, really. It's common for mortals to make jokes like this, to tease and take satisfaction from a reaction. To sulk like a child because of a joke, it's…it's stupid.

But he really likes you. And he hates that you don't feel the same.

“...I don't mind…” He sighs and climbs back onto the bed, swatting at you to make room. He doesn't need to look to know that you're quite pleased with yourself for convincing him not to sulk. The dragon girl claim's he's ‘whipped’, whatever the fuck that means. “Just. You're my…boyfriend now.” Red Son plonks onto the bed and wraps his tail around your wrist. He does not look at you as he continues. “And even if it's fake, I, Red Son, will not tolerate you flirting with anyone else.”

For the act, he tells himself.

“Huh.” You don't seem to react with his tail around your wrist. “That's cool with me, then.”

He breathes a sigh of relief.

“But, you know. If you're gonna be my boyfriend too, you're gonna need to be more affectionate.”

Oh no.

Red Son grumbles. “I don't ..”

“We can start off slow!” Your arms wrap around his side, and it takes all his willpower not to simply burst into flames right then and there, if only out of fear of hurting you in the process. “Just a little hug! Not so bad, right? Couples do this all the time!”

It is at this very moment Red Son is both happy he had chosen you over the dragon girl, and regretting that he had picked this seedy motel with only one bed to share with you, the object of his affection.

Dear Guanyin, please save him from this mess.

“Oh,” is what he manages to choke out. “That's, um. Fine. Yes. Hugs.”

It is, quite frankly, the opposite of fine, yet not only do you refuse to budge, you also scoot closer, until your bodies are touching, and he could almost feel your heart racing in your chest. Are you just as happy as he is, he wonders, or are you just nervous? Scared, perhaps, he'll react wrongly?

He remains still for the remainder of the evening, his face growing ever so warm with the little distance there is between you both.

And he's completely unaware of your internal turmoil, of the way your heart flutters with the fact you're holding him in your hands.

But, the less he knows, the better for your own, heart, right?

@lotusarchon, 20.02.2025, all rights reserved. do not copy, repost or translate my works without permission. likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated!!

[liliewrites]

So reader is childhood frnds with both arle & clervie(we can't forget this girlie), but like reader has this talent that lets her blend into the background with no one knowing like she's even there. This trio literally stick tgt everyday like if someone sees 1 of them they know the other 2 aint that far behind. So reader & arle had this obvious crush on each other(not that they r gonna say anything but its so obvious to eveyone who saw them cus they r kids). Reader then got sent to Fontaine from Snezhnaya to snoop around for info (this is b4 KingMaking). So while reader is snooping for info, KingMaking happens as canon & arle tried to find reader after she became a harbinger cus like she lost clervie alrdy & she just wants to know reader is still safe ya know. But like obviously arle couldn't find cus reader's talent of 'blending' works damm well. So arle got transferred to Fontaine for the gnosis, happened to find reader by 100% coincidence while on a walk, grabbed reader, carried her all the way to the hearth, had a VERY long conversation about what happened & decided to finally confessed to reader about the crush that has never fade despite being separated for so long.

💫anon

HALLLLOOOOOOOO 💫 ANON:DD i hope i do ur ask justice n feed all of u the good ol' slowburn n mutual pining w arlecchino:DD eat up!! also, i changed smth a little bit for the sake of the plot if u don't mind, but overall, it shouldn't make too much of a difference! tyy for requestingggg!! i feel like this isn't my best portrayal of arlecchino though huhuawkajdwas

-warning/s ; maybe ooc, clervie's death mentioned.

-pairing/s ; arlecchino x fem!reader

(men please dni utc!)

peruere didn't know what to do.

peruere didn't know that the last word's clervie to you would be "byebye, y/n! make sure to come back home safely, okay??"

peruere stared at her hands with an absent stare, her mind in full delirium as she just realized the atrocities she'd just commit. the children of the house of the hearth has fallen- and she was the only one left.. along with you. knowing her mother, she knew what she had done to clervie would eventually happen to you.

she wasn't going to lose you too.

thankfully, you were currently absent from the scene- as "mother" had assigned you on a mission somewhere within teyvat but she knew as soon as you came back you'd be suffering the same fate as the others if she didn't act soon enough.

her mind finally met with clarity, she picked up her sword- the very same sword that bore her sins against your friends and siblings.

the next day, you heard what had happened back at.. home. the house of the hearth was no more.

peruere had been arrested, mother crucabena had been killed by peruere. you didn't believe it at first, but when you also heard that the rest of the children had died a year prior to crucabena's death- you knew peruere had lost her wits at the last minute.

you were disoriented for a moment, unsure of what to do now that you had nowhere to come back home to, but you mostly worried about peruere. you thought of what they would do to her, you didn't want to lose her too. she's all you had left.

with a heavy heart, you never went back home. you had no choice but to use your ability to blend in within the street kids of sumeru, just so no one would recognize you especially the fatui agents that roamed the streets from time to time. you spent a few years within the streets, taking advantage of your expertise in the field of gathering information with your stealth and earned yourself a living off of it.

however, you just couldn't shake peruere out of your mind. constantly, she was on your mind like a nail lodged in your head. especially when the full moon had gleamed upon you it's blessed and gentle caress and had brought you comfort, did peruere witness it's beauty? or was she as lonely and lost as the moon in the vast darkness of it's own solitude akin to her own isolation within the confinements of her prison cell? it worried you greatly.

after a few years, you'd caught news of the newly appointed harbinger named arlecchino whom had inherited your "mother's" title, the knave.

there were different rumors that surrounded the harbinger, but they all pointed to her committing a massacre, calling her the "poor, mad and cursed" knave.

your chest thumped, you had a strong feeling you knew it was peruere yet you couldn't confirm it yet. you haven't seen any photos of the new knave, except for the fact that she's been stationed in fontaine within the newly rebuilt house of the hearth.

confirmed or not, you knew it was her-- it had to be. so you had immediately began to prepare for your trip back to fontaine with haste.

unbeknownst to you, said harbinger had been looking for you first thing when she had gotten out of prison. she knew you would have fled fontaine entirely as she had intended, but was also aware of your proficiency when it comes to hiding your identity. she knew it would be hard to find you, but she still carried on. she couldn't let the kids handle this, lest she could risk the freedom you had now from the life of being a fatui (which she hoped you had). so she could only hope, if there really was a deity out there that would hear her, that you were safe and alive and well.

you were, in fact, safe and alive and well. now you were taking your first few steps into the city of fontaine. when, honestly, as a child you've never been able to experience the city despite spending your childhood within it's region. "mother" had never let you leave the orphanage, not until you were "of age" to join the official ranks of the fatui.

you looked around, mesmerized by the people and their lavish clothing. the weather was much different from sumeru as well. despite not growing up within the city, however, you caught whiffs and scents of your favorite cakes from your childhood. truly, you may or may not be fontainian by blood, but at least you were by heart.

you spent the first few days, getting yourself to blend in within fontaine's society. you were still afraid and wary of the fatui, especially with how strict "mother" was to you which formed your impressions of the organization. eventually, after getting a place to stay, getting accustomed to the city and dressing yourself in the same clothes as them- you could now officially, once again, call yourself a fontainian.

however, the reason why you came here in the first place was still on the very top of your head, you had to see peruere no matter what. you kept your eyes open for any signs of her monotone colored hair. you kept your ears alert if you'd catch any drift of her name, peruere or arlecchino, to no avail.

you let out a sigh, feeling unsuccessful. you weren't about to give up, but decided that you should rest and call it a day. it was getting late, so you had gotten up from the bench you were sitting on to go and head back to the inn you were staying at.

.. then suddenly, you had been robbed of your sight then consciousness.

your eyes fluttered open, but your eyesight had been blurry. the first thing you've realized is that your feet was off the ground and you were being lifted up on the air. your fight response kicked in, and you had tried to wriggle your way out of your captor's grasp.

"let go of me-"

immediate silence. you knew those eyes as she looked down at you. just from her look alone, you knew she had sent you a warning to stay silent.

but that wasn't the reason why you were still, it was because of those those x shaped pupils of hers that bore into your soul that you've come to love.

".. p-peruere? is that.. you?"

she froze for awhile, before continuing on walking.

"later. we can't talk here, keep your face hidden."

you nodded, returning back to your tucked position as she carried you in her arms. you could feel your heart thumping, beating- you've never felt this way since you've last seen her.

once you've arrived at your destination, you noticed that she's brought you within a building. a private study room, it seems. she carefully placed you down on the couch, before sitting on the chair in front of you. you've finally had a full view of her, and both of you had eyes full of shock at the sight of each other.

you were the first one to shatter the silence, immediately tearing up and throwing yourself in her arms. for a while, she awkwardly placed her hand on your waist. you couldn't help but let out a fond chuckle. after all these years, she still acted as if hugging was an alien thing.

you leaned back again, sniffing. she's definitely went through a lot. the apathetic look on her face was much more hardened, more sharper. she looked intimidating, especially with her upright stance and poise of a full fledged military officer. which in her position's case, she was.

she reached out to grab your hand. feeling you, touching you, as if to make sure that you really really were alive and in front of her.

see, the knave was not one to show emotion since she was a child, and you knew that.. but the way she acted now, it bothered you.

".. what happened? where have you been?"

she asked, pulling away from you to regain her composure. her voice was much more deeper now compared to a few years ago. you couldn't help but blush at the sound of it. the way she talked, it lacked warmth, she sounded stiff and stern.

"me? why ask me- what about you?! you're a harbinger now, pers!"

you exclaimed, causing her heart to still for a moment as you called her by that affectionate nickname she hasn't heard in a while. "i'll explain to you, sit."

her way of speaking was much more commanding, more authoritative, but it didn't scare you. rather, you were astonished at how much more polished she's been after all these years.

you sat down next to her, listening to her relay to you the past events that have happened while you two have been apart. she spoke in such a way that she sounded like she was reporting a mission or an assignment, making you feel amused even more as you listened to her speak.

your peruere has really grown up a lot, hasn't she? it made you think that you were wrong, maybe she's not peruere anymore. it made sense, she was called arlecchino now. it made you feel like you've truly lost her forever.

"i see. i'm happy to hear that the tsaritsa has pardoned you, our tsaritsa is truly blessed.." you muttered, looking away as you sighed. arlecchino noticed the melancholic twinkle in your eyes, causing worry to stir within her. "is there something wrong?" she asked, yearning for you to look at her again.

she wouldn't say it out loud, but she missed you, dearly.

you were silent for a few seconds, before letting go of her hand. the look in your eyes made her feel dread-- dread at the thought that you now hate her for killing clervie, for killing "mother", for destroying the place you had once called your "home".

arlecchino was used to being called a monster, a murderer, a freak by many and she could take it.. but from you? oh, it tore her apart. she felt like she'd truly lost you for good.

you looked at her, wanting to ask her if she was still your peruere.

she reached out again, wanting to make it clear to you that it had to be done to protect you.

"do you loath-" "-my peruere?"

both of you had talked at the same time but arlecchino heard your words loud and clear. she just had to hear it again for confirmation. "..pardon?" she asked, blinking at you in confusion.

slightly embarrassed at the thought of being a grown woman whom still referred to her affectionately as "your" peruere after all these years, you really didn't want to ask again, but you needed assurance.

so in a smaller, more hushed voice, you asked again.

"are.. you still my peruere?"

".. you don't hate me?" she asked, a bit dumbfounded that out of all the things you could say, that was the first thing that came our your mouth. it should've been obvious that she's yours, she always has been and she always will be.

"why would i hate you, per- arlecchino? you're my best friend..!" you exclaimed, a bit dumbfounded for her to think that you hated her. you weren't blind to "mother's" ways of raising children. it would've happened either way.

you started to tear up a little, calling her arlecchino felt bitter to the tongue. you've waited all these years, looked for her high and low, and now that you've seen her again.. it felt like you were facing a different person.

all the fears that had built up within arlecchino through all these years had drifted away. you didn't hate her. you didn't resent her for killing clervie. for ruining everything. she was glad that you were still the same woman she loved.

she pulled you in for a hug, albeit a bit awkward, she pulled you in as close as she could. "of course. of course i'm still your peruere. just.. refrain from calling me that in public." she told you, wiping away your tears with her hand.

her hand- her hand, oh archons! "pers, what happened?!"

you exclaimed in horror, grabbing her hand and carefully examining it. you knew of her curse, and it seems that it has taken over her. "worry not. it's been years since the curse had fully manifested, i am fine now" she reassured you, then, holding your hand in hers.

".. did you mean it when you called me yours?" she immediately asked after, looking down at your intertwined fingers. her thumb swiping against yours in a soothing manner.

"why of course, pers, you're my best friend!" you told her, your cheeks becoming flushed as she held your hand in a rather.. more affectionate manner.

"no, no. what if i wanted you to call me yours in a different way?"

she then looked up at you again. her eyes were filled with conviction, with a subtle hint of desperation and enamor. "i'm a woman who's dull to the concept of loss after having witnessed many losses and failures.. but you, i've lost you once. i cannot bear to lose you again. please stay, mon amour." her voice wavered for a moment as she held on to your hand tightly. "please, y/n." her face did not show it, but with the longing stare in her eyes, the way she held at your hand. she was devastated at the thought of losing you again.

your heart broke at the sight of her. you knew, she was still your peruere. within your presence, arlecchino was gone. within your presence, she is peruere. the same one whom would eat your favorite cakes with cakes with you, the same one who would cling on to your shirt as she followed you around, the same one who'd let you use her as your blade in a fight even if she knew you were capable of fending off on your own. arlecchino wasn't asking you to stay while professing their love to you, it was peruere.

you smiled at her, leaning in to lean your forehead against hers.

"of course, pers. i'm here to stay. i've found you again, i'm never going away. i'm glad to be home." you whispered, feeling that familiar warmth from her presence that you've come to know and love. "home?" she asked, a bit curious as to what you meant. "did you mean the orphanage? the current house of the hearth is much different from what we've grown up to, mon amour." she told you, your heart fluttering at her calling you that way. "no, silly. i mean you, pers. no shelter nor place can compare to the warmth and safety that you provide." you muttered and arlecchino let out a soft sigh.

"is that so? then.. i'm glad to be your home." she closed her eyes, basking in the moment of having you near her after so many years of separation. "then i am proud to be the one you call home. for as long as these flames course through my veins, i will always keep you warm and safe." she mumbled as you closed your eyes as well, relishing in the long lost comfort you've longed for.

"still.. i'm happy that for once, my flames have brought a different feeling than fear.." "yeah.. we still have to work on your hugging though.. seriously, pers. you're bad at hugging!" "what- can you blame me? i was never one for affection!"