#also no one comment on the time i am posting this. i am. having insomnias (tm) lately

[loveesiren]

𝖡𝖾𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗂𝖿𝗎𝗅 𝖭𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍𝗆𝖺𝗋𝖾

Thanos x American!reader

a/n: hi my babies! so this is my first thanos (choi su-bong) fic i'm posting. however, i kind of wrote this as an aftermath of a little series i've been working on of them in the games. so, once i am done hating it and editing it, i will posit it! but i hope you guys enjoy this cute lil fluff. i suck at writing fluff tbh but i tried! xx also, t.o.p is my gwiyomiii, my honeyyyy, my angel babyyyyyyyyy! i'm so inlove with him so feel free to send requests!

synopsis: nightmares of the games still haunt Thanos a year later, but luckily Y/n will never leave his side.

warnings: language, fluff, very brief mention of sex if you squint

wc: 1.1k+

You couldn’t sleep. Insomnia had wrapped itself around your mind ever since surviving the games last year, a constant shadow in your otherwise bright new life. You had so much to be grateful for—making it out alive, the money that had saved you in more ways than one, and, of course, Su-Bong. Though, to this day, you still called him T. Your T.

Never in a million years would you have imagined living in a sleek penthouse in downtown Seoul with a man you fell in love with while playing deadly children’s games. Yet here you were, in a world that once seemed as unreachable as a dream: Thanos’ World. And you loved it.

The games had changed Thanos in ways you never thought possible. He quit the drugs, buried his oversized ego, and spent six months holed up in his apartment with only you for company. It was a metamorphosis you never expected but cherished deeply. When he finally emerged from that cocoon of self-reflection, he returned to music—his first true love. But this time, it wasn’t about sex, drugs, and wealth. His lyrics delved into the rawness of his childhood, the pain of his struggles, the weight of his dreams—and you. Always you. You were his muse.

Being with the Thanos, however, was far from simple. Going out with him was an ordeal, a gamble. Fans flocked to him wherever he went, now more than ever, since he’d announced his new album. He once thrived on the chaos, basking in the adoration of women throwing themselves at him and men idolizing him. He was a star, and he reveled in the glow. But now? Now the attention suffocated him. He avoided crowded places as much as he could, especially when you were by his side.

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to show you off—God, he did. But the fear gnawed at him. What if something happened to you? What if someone hurt you? You’d already faced your fair share of vitriol when the media leaked that Thanos was dating some American girl. “American bitch,” they’d called you, throwing their venom your way in tabloids and comment sections. But the hate didn’t break you. If anything, it hardened your resolve.

You refused to let him hide away forever. When his anxiety tried to keep him tethered to the penthouse, you were the one who dragged him out into the world. You reminded him of what life outside these walls could offer, even if it wasn’t always kind. And slowly, piece by piece, you were helping him reclaim it.

You glanced over at Thanos, his peaceful face softened by sleep, his arm draped lazily over your bare thighs. Carefully, you lifted his arm and slipped out of bed, moving quietly so as not to disturb him. Padding toward the kitchen, you glanced at the clock: 2:30 a.m. Another sleepless night. You sighed, the weight of endless insomnia pressing down on you.

You set the kettle to boil, deciding tea wouldn’t cut it tonight. The staleness of the room felt suffocating. What you needed was air. Before stepping out to the balcony, you peeked into the bedroom again, reassured by the steady rise and fall of Thanos’ chest.

The view of Seoul stretched before you as you stepped outside. The city pulsed with quiet energy, its lights casting a warm glow against the dark sky. The faint scent of cherry blossoms drifted through the breeze, mingling with the night air and brushing your hair across your face. This view, this life—it was something you’d never take for granted.

Pulling out your phone, you typed a quick message to Se-mi.

y/n: You up?

Minutes passed before your phone buzzed with a reply.

Se-mi: Yeah. Can’t sleep?

y/n: The insomnia is never-ending.

Se-mi: I miss when we all lived together.

Your lips curved into a bittersweet smile. Memories of those first fragile weeks after escaping the games flooded your mind. The four of you—Thanos, Se-mi, Min-su, and you—crammed into your tiny apartment, clinging to each other for sanity. For weeks, you barely left the safety of those walls. Eventually, Thanos invited everyone to move in with him, but Se-mi and Min-su had decided it was time to go back to their families. The games had taught them how precious life was. That, and your shared space wasn’t exactly conducive to privacy—especially with how loud things could get between you and Thanos when you couldn’t keep your hands off of eachother.

y/n: I miss it too. I miss you. Shopping tomorrow?

Se-mi: You know I hate shopping.

y/n: But you love me, and T gave me his black card.

Se-mi: Spoiled brat.

y/n: See you tomorrow 🥰

Se-mi: Can’t wait ✌🏼

You smiled at her response, warmth spreading through you at the thought of reconnecting with your best friend. But the moment of peace was shattered by a sound from inside—faint whimpers carried through the air. Your heart clenched. Setting your tea down, you hurried back to the bedroom.

“T?” you called softly as you stepped inside.

No response. Only the faint cries that sent chills down your spine. You rushed to the bedside table and flicked on the lamp. Thanos was thrashing slightly, tears streaming down his cheeks, his hands grasping desperately at the empty space where you should have been.

“Fuck! NO!” he suddenly screamed, his voice hoarse with panic.

“T!” you gasped, climbing onto the bed and pulling him into your arms. “T, baby…” you murmured, your voice gentle but firm. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

His hand found your shirt, bunching the fabric in his fist as though clinging to reality. He fought against the demons clawing at him, his breaths ragged and uneven. Finally, his eyes fluttered open, glassy and unfocused at first, until they locked onto yours. His lip quivered as shame filled his expression.

“Hi, baby,” you whispered, brushing your thumb tenderly across his cheek to wipe away the tears. “You’re okay. I’m here.”

“Fuck…” he sighed, his voice trembling as he buried his face in your shirt. His shame was palpable, but you held him tightly, cradling him as though the weight of his nightmares could be eased by your embrace.

“Another nightmare?” you asked softly. He nodded wordlessly, slipping his hand into yours. He hated these moments. Hated the way his past still haunted him, dragging you into his darkness. But you didn’t mind. You’d made a decision long ago: this man was worth every struggle, every sleepless night. Some may say a few days isn’t enough time to know who is your person, but when your life is on the line, time has a way of fast-tracking love.

“M’sorry…” he mumbled, his voice muffled against your chest.

“You have nothing to be sorry for, T,” you reassured him, your fingers running soothingly through his hair. “You know I’ll always be right here.”

“Promise?” His voice was barely above a whisper, raw and vulnerable.

You kissed his forehead, tightening your arms around him. “Promise,” you said, and you meant it with every fiber of your being.

No taglist yet but if you'd like to be added to future fics, let me know! :)

© loveesiren 2025 - do not copy, translate, transfer, or repost my work without my permission. if you find my work on sites other than through links i've provided, please notify me.

[becausebuckley]

michelle's buddie fic recs: week 48!

hello loves i'm so sorry for the delay!! life has been kicking my ass lately BUT i've been reading some good fics still and i'm happy to share them <3

this is a mix of fics with all ratings, so some include NSFW content. please take a look at both the ratings and the fic tags before reading! some might also contain spoilers for season 8.

if you come across something you like in this list, remember to show some love to the author by leaving kudos and a comment!

any way the wind blows | notathingtoseehere | 10.1k | M

A post s08e08 look into how Buck could backslide into his season 1 habits when his best friend leaves him. hmmm tis the season of speculation for many more months... may i recommend this one to start off with? i love a return to buck 1.0 so much!! also op i need you to know i did in fact say good job out loud lol

can i be close to you? | myemergence | 4.2k | T

“Woah, woah,” Chim laughs, “please, Buck, do not tell us what or who it is you’ve been dreaming about.” A fic written for a prompt on the Buddie discord, about forehead kisses. Fluff ensues. yes i have in fact been going through the entire buddie forehead kisses tag this past week. no i do not wat to talk about it. but i DO want to talk about this lovely little fic!!

cool | LovelyLittleGrim | 5.6k | T

Buck keeps kissing Eddie on the forehead. Eddie has some THOUGHTS about it. eddie has thoughts and so i do and those thoughts are that buck should keep doing this forever and ever <3 so cute!!

eddie diaz can't have sex | notathingtoseehere | 11.9k | M

Eddie Diaz would like to say that the 118 needs a more involved HR department, or maybe he just needs friends who do less meddling. i love firefam shenanigans and i love demi eddie and i love buddie so basically i love this fic <3

eddie diaz vs the buck's boyfriend agenda | songbvrd/@songbvrd | 23.4k | M

Eddie starts gathering information about why no one trusts Tommy. As he grows to hate their relationship more, he learns more about himself and what he wants. eddie's agenda 🤝 my agenda. all of this author's works are a delight and this is no exception <3

feels like falling in love | justhockey | 5.2k | not rated

five times Eddie doesn’t mean to kiss Buck, and the one time he does. delicious delicious 5+1 fic <3

home is not a place | ithilien22/@ithilien-writes | 9.7k | T

In which Eddie has a series of long overdue conversations - with Chris, with his parents, and also with Buck. eddie and chris having heartfelt conversations at the lake!! this is brilliant and captures their dynamic so well <3

howling all night | clytemnestra/@clytemnestraaa | 3.3k | E

Buck helps him pack. Of course he does. Buck’s helpful like that. Eddie leaves for Texas. this hurt in the best way possible <3 so gorgeous!

i've lost my mind | evenatraitormaymend | 9.4k | T

Buck doesn’t tell anyone about his insomnia for six months. Eddie notices anyway, but neither of them talk about it until it’s nearly six am and he wakes up to Buck climbing in his bed—not having slept since before their 24-hour shift started yesterday. Eddie gets to show Buck how much he’s loved. okay two things i LOVE are eddie taking care of buck but also buck researching and setting up routines and taking care of himself, so basically this is the perfect fic for me <3

the aftermath of liberation and love confessions | ElvenSorceress | 17.3k | T

In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year. this was a lovely lovely morning read a few days ago!! i love me some good idiots in love <3

the missing children's parents club | notathingtoseehere | 34.5k | T

With Christopher in El Paso and Mara pulled out of custody, there's a lot of parents around the 118 that are missing their kids, and a lot of comfort that can be found with each other. not me realising as i'm putting this together that i keep reccing the same author... i had no idea but i promise they're all brilliant brilliant fics!! think i might have to check out their other works lol this must be a sign

'til my lungs give out | time_leigh | 1.1k | G

Buck wakes slowly, gently. He lays still, breathing slowly, enveloped in the soft embrace of a duvet. He is not awake enough to open his eyes and shifts, slowly turning his head deeper into his pillow, feeling the drag of the cotton, smelling home. There is an arm laced over his chest. Slowly, an ear-splitting grin grows across his face. soft and sweet and absolutely tooth-rotting fluff in the best way possible <3

transduce the mind | detectivemeer/@buick118 | 2.4k | E

Buck’s talking about how nearly a third of US gymnasts are in the southeast and how Maddie did rhythmic dance—not dance, Eddie—and he’s reaching for the remote to find their next binge when all the bad ideas Eddie’s ever successfully obliterated resurrect themselves. And Eddie figures, in a cold empty echo, that his life is already ruined. What's one more grenade launched at the rubble? this is STUNNING and so so so well-written, i loved every second of it!!

trying to be cool about it | jukoist | 6.1k | G

Buck and Eddie have always tried too hard to force themselves to like the people they're dating (to varying degrees of success). They have very different responses to realizing how easy it has been to be in love all along. this is the most brilliant most buddie premise ever and it's executed so so well and i love it!! such a good time <3

when everything's on fire | beartowns/@glowingyears | 15.4k | T

Eddie and Chris move in with Buck after a fire. Buck breaks up with his boyfriend, buys a house with Eddie, and realizes he's in love. In precisely that order. oh the buddie house hunting always hits so good <3 this is a beautiful take on that trope and it's just such a wonderful fic!!

[fluffytriceratops]

I am DESPERATE for some 2k3 Donatello dating headcanons, literally give me anything PLEASE I AM OBSESSED

𝐃𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧��𝐧𝐬 - 𝐃𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐨 [𝟐𝟎𝟎𝟑]

notes: i gotchu bestie. <3 lemme know if you guys want these for the other 2k3 turts as well! :D also sorry for taking literal ages to get this request done for you! thank you sm for requesting i hope you have a wonderful day/night! <3

warnings: brief nsfw mentions, mature language, 

click here to read raph's ver. [will add the others later]

tags: @thelaundrybitch @turtle-babe83 @leosgirl82 @rheawritesforfun @s-s-ironnie @post-apocalyptic-daydream @mysticboombox @drowninghell @lec743 @raphielover  @raphslovemuffin80 @squirrelfurs @bibiz82 @pheradream-15 @kikithedreamerwriter @m1dnyt3-w0lf @scholastic-dragon @moonsua1 [if i've forgotten anyone i'm so sorry please comment or dm me and let me know and i'll add you right away so i don't forget in the future!]

(if you would like to be tagged in my future tmnt x reader related work, feel free to let me know and i'll happily add you!)

i love you all sm! i'm sending all the virtual hugs and well wishes to you!! <33

---

- as usual, 2003 donnie has an obsession with coffee. so if you get this mans some coffee expect an INSTANT marriage proposal. [honestly what ver of donnie doesn't have a coffee addiction?] 

- likes to do your hair. it's calming to him and helps him think. hes watched a lot of youtube videos and stuff for it, so he knows what he's doing too. he likes to try new styles n stuff on you. everyone knows when he's particularily stressed or can't seem to figure something out because you seem to have a new hairsyle everyday until he's fixed whatever it is that's bugging him, 

- will also handmake beads and stuff to put in your hair. <3 

- makes jewelry for you, esp out of silverware and other things. it always turns out so beautifully. 

- late night drives. donnie has insomnia and his brain works a lot during the night/evening. so expect to hang out a lot with him during this time. driving at night at new york is super pretty and peaceful too. esp when it's just the two of you. [so long as you don't mind the hectic city hehe-]

- cuddling with him while he works. includes sleeping on him/in his lab when he works really late into the night. he'll later carry you to bed. 

- painting on his shell/body for funzies. and if he does the same to you don't expect it to look too great because 2k3 donnie can't draw for shit. 

- donnie will gift you homemade cards with stick figures on the cover cuz again he cant draw but he knows you'll adore it no matter what just because he made it. plus you think its funny as hell and he adores your laugh. 

- hes actually really good at photography. and he has loads of pictures of you. you two go out and take pictures together sometimes. it's always a lot of fun. and they always turn out great. 

- late night talking sessions are a normal for you. 

- donatello tries his best to get you to sleep at a decent time, but sometimes you'll refuse if he isn't coming to bed with you just to get him to go to sleep earlier. he'll probably lay with you for a while, unable to actually sleep. maybe he'll read or listen to music to help pass the time. sometimes he will also sneak back out of bed once you've fallen asleep, and when you catch him you give him a good talking to. 

- he really needs to take better care of himself. he's always putting those he cares for above himself. so you're always there to make sure he's okay and that he's doing what he needs to do to be happy and healthy. 

- you guys hardly ever fight. donnie isn't one to argue with you. he's a very gentle and kind soul. he rarely raises his voice. (but when he does you find it hot as FUCK- lets be honest--) 

- fix it felix. always fixes things for you, even if you dont ask it of him. if he's at your place and notices something needs to be fixed he'll just do it for you. even if you insist he doesn't have to, he will anyway because he loves you. it brings him joy. and honestly, you should just let him because it probably stresses him out a little thinking about how your door isn't closing properly or your car sounds funny or your light keeps flickering- 

- you like to prank him on occassion, this includes the whole "i filled my tank with the special gas-" or "i let them put premium air in my tires and they gave me a really good deal". it freaks and stresses him out, at least in the moment hehe. its very funny but keep in mind he'll get you back. 

- him reading to you sfghfdgkjhdfg (id die please-) esp if you have trouble sleeping or something. 

- coffee dates are a must. even if you dont drink coffee. 

- donnie napping curled up on your chest/on top of you. you tracing the grooves of his shell. you've learned he finds this very comforting and it helps him fall asleep. 

- hes a definite switch- lmao.

- very gentle and understanding. he's like your personal diary or therapist and you're the same for him. 

[allthesmutl0vers]

From the Ashes

Mattheo Riddle x Fem!Reader x Regulus Black

(Dedication, Full-story content warnings, and Prologue)

Masterlist Summary/Moodboard Overall Vibe Song

Requests/Asks: OPEN

a/n: This story will be updated 2-3 times a week with multiple posts/parts. And this story, like my other stories, is multi-pov, all in first-person perspective, with use of (y/n), though, I do try to use it sparingly. And I want to reiterate that this is a dark romance, with morally grey/morally black mmc's.

I am not responsible for your media consumption. You have been warned.

(Let me know if you want a playlist link in the comments.)

Full-Story Content Warnings:

(This is the complete list for any and all triggers within this entire story. Each part will have a briefer list of the triggers within that part.)

Mentions of death and loss

Mentions of mental illness (Suicidal thoughts and tendencies, anxiety, depression, survivor’s guilt, nightmares, insomnia, repressed emotions, internalized rage, self-harm(having reckless sex), and drug & alcohol abuse(weed, ecstasy, alcohol, cocaine)) 

Obsessed MMCs (No, like, they’re fucking psychotic, one of them especially)

Stalking (Breaking and entering, notes, gifts(both good and bad- you’ll see what I mean), and anonymous text messages)

Kidnapping and torture (Cut off appendages)

Death

Knife kink/Knife play

Blood play

Permanent branding

Temp play

Snowballing

Double penetration

Oral sex (Male and female receiving and giving) 

Anal sex

Dominant/Submissive relationship

Primal play

Masked men

Wand play

Bondage

Praise and degradation

Sex toys (Vibrators, butt-plugs, nipple clamps, you get the gist)

Damn, you’re still here? Alright then.

Be a good slut and keep fuckin’ reading for me, yeah?

Dedication

To those of us whose light only shines in the darkness of the abyss,

Mattheo Riddle and Regulus Black will take good care of you.

Prologue

~Y/n~

There’s a feeling you get after battle when the dust finally settles, and you’re wondering how in the hell you’re still alive. Part of you wants to hold on to that moment, the moment when there is a sliver of hope that everyone you care about is still alive. It’s like a dream, and you’re not sure what is real and what isn’t.

Then you wake up.

The scent of blood, soot, and victory lingers in the air like a heavy blanket. A victory hard fought and sorely won. I look down at my hands, the hands that once did homework and held hands with my friends in the castle that is now crumbled and destroyed. Covered in a mixture of blood and sweat, but no tears stain my cheeks. 

Have I not cried this entire time?

I suppose there’s no time to, not when you’re in the middle of a battle. Not when you’re desperately fending off Death Eaters as you help a group of first years escape, saving as many as you can and having to kill in front of them to save their lives. And certainly not when you’re dragging a third year off of their dead best friend’s body in order to pull them the safety, listening to them scream in protest.

I force myself to look away from my hands and down to the bottom of my shirt, also covered in blood.

My blood. Shit, I’m bleeding. 

I lift the hem of my shirt a few inches, and yup. There it is, a gash on my hip, nothing too bad, at least, not that I can feel yet. 

“Y/n!”

I push down my shirt and turn my head toward the direction where I hear my name coming from. Locking eyes with two sets of brown eyes just as Aurors are dragging them away from the rubble that was once our school. 

“Mattheo. Regulus.” Their names fall from my lips in a whisper barely audible, even to my ears. 

“Y/n!” Mattheo calls out for me once more, and I take a small step towards them, then another, and another until I’m sprinting across what used to be the courtyard. 

“Matt! Reg!” I call out, running towards my best friends in a daze as if my body is moving of its own accord. Seeing them being shoved into the back of a flying carriage for the Ministry of Magic. 

Two arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back and holding me like steel bands. “Let them go, y/n,” Seamus’s voice barely registers in my ears as I pull at his wrists, desperately attempting to pry them off of me.

“Get off me! They’re taking them away!” I protest, my heart pounding as I see the carriage door slam shut, sealing Mattheo and Regulus inside before it flies away.

Seamus spins me around, his hands heavy on my shoulders as he looks into my eyes, his face covered with soot and dried blood around a cut on his cheek. “Listen to me. They’re gone; they made their choice,” his voice is firm and heavy with finality, his eyes begging me to see reason.

I shake my head fervently, my mind racing with a million ideas on how to break them out, regardless of their crimes. “They’re my best friends, I can’t abandon them, they would—”

“This is what they did, y/n!” Seamus motions to the rumble of Hogwarts behind him and the bodies being hauled away into vehicles to go… wherever they’re going next. “Don’t tell me what they would do. We’re looking right fucking at it,” his words are harsh and blunt, hitting me deep in my gut, knocking the air from my lungs all over again. 

His chest rises and falls deeply as his other hand drops from my shoulder and runs through his short hair. “I’m sorry, but that’s the reality of the situation,” his tone softens slightly, and he looks down at me. “Come on, let's get that checked out,” he nods to my hip, the blood seeping through my shirt. 

“Ms. Waters?” A ministry official stops me on my way out of the medical tent. His crisp and clean suit feels like an insult to the blood-stained ground we’re standing on. “I have some questions I need to ask you regarding a few criminals that you know,” he continues when I don’t respond, his words clipped as if I’m just as guilty as them.

I clench my jaw, my eyes narrowing slightly as I look up at him. “I have nothing to say,” I try to hide the disdain in my voice, but it’s hard. The idea to say fuck it and break my best friends out of the ministry crosses my mind once more, and I have to force myself to think of something, anything else. 

His lips purse in a tight line, and his gaze pierces into mine as if he is seeing right through me. The corner of his mouth curls up into a cruel smile, and his eyes harden as he leans in, his voice coming out lowly and laced with contempt and hatred.

“I think we both know that isn’t exactly the case, is it? The blood spilled on these grounds is all your fault, after all.”

Part One

[lovemybluebully]

Masterlist

Thought maybe I oughta make one of these pinned posts so people can find my fics easier. 😁 They are all tickle fics btw so if you don't like that kind of thing then this is not the blog for you. lol They are of the SFW variety though.

Currently obsessed with Deadpool and Wolverine.

Just gonna list my new DP/W fics here below the cut and then put a link to the page with all my other fics. 😎

Listing newest fics at the top here.

Hits Different - Wade gets Logan to see what good touch is all about and Logan ends up showing Wade just how much he appreciates it. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

Was That A Snort? - To get some payback Wade attacks Logan with tickles and is beyond amused by the sounds he manages to get out of him while the whole experience ends up putting Logan's head in a better place. 💗 Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

Santa Always Comes Through - Logan's nightmares of his past are keeping him from getting any sleep, so Wade comes up with the perfect Christmas gift for him. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

Feels Like Home - Logan has become downcast about the prospect of moving into a new apartment. Wade offers a foot massage to help him destress and.....You already know where this is going. 🤣 Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

All Hail Queen Bea! - After a comment from Logan induces some ticklish consequences, Wade finally gets the confirmation about his friend that he suspected all along. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

Wakey Wakey - Wade gets Logan out of bed in the best way possible. 🤭 Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

It's For Science - Wade gets it into his head that maybe not all humans have the same number of rib bones. His logic being that since Logan has a shorter body then he may be an exception. Unfortunately for Logan this is far too ticklish of an experiment for him to bear. A small bit of ticklish!deadpool at the end too. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

Over My Dead Body - Logan just wants to watch the game, but Wade can’t help but mess with him and discovers he’s ticklish in the process. Logan is pissed at first, but eventually comes to terms with the benefits and has a life altering epiphany. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

A Small Lapse of Judgement - Logan is adjusting to his new residence in Wade’s apartment. And that includes enduring his countless tickle attacks against him. But then Wolvie decides it’s time for a little payback. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

How To Pet a Wolverine - Wade makes an irresistible discovery about Logan during their brawl inside the van. Deadpool and Wolverine-verse M/M

Here's the drawing I did of Wade tickling Logan. 🤭 I have other tickle art I've posted on here if you look hard enough. lol

And the other one I did here of Wade giving Logan ticklish raspberries to his tummy. Heheh, he likes it. 😊

And below is the link to the rest of my fics. All SFW. Mind you some of them are around 10 years old and may not be written that great so proceed at your own risk. lol I mainly wrote for the cartoon/comic versions of X-men (99% being Wolverine lol I love him 🥰), Venom, Punisher and The Wolf Among Us. Got one random Overwatch story in there too.

Tickle Fics Here! All fluffy, SFW stuff.

I have a Deviantart account as well but warning that there is some NSFW stuff I've posted on there over the years. I am an adult woman and do find tickling to be a kink in very specific situations. 90% I don't though, and I just enjoy tickling as a cute, fun, bonding activity between friends and lovers. I'm not gonna link my DA here. If you're interested, I'm sure you'll be able to find it.

[sgiandubh]

From barf bag to pity party

The whole 'Kick in the hornets' nest' involuntary series was started by this Anon, received by the de facto leader of the Disgruntled Tumblrettes yesterday evening (in Europe):

The next morning, another Anon chimed in, on the same page, with what prompted the First Kick: S has a child with 'a woman', but God forbid, not with C 🤣🤣🤣.

And then, one of their group felt the need (then the clearly irritated urge) to come back and comment on the above Anon. No less than 5 (five!) long and plethoric comments were written, prompting my Second and Third Kicks - as you all know, the woman practically begged for them.

I feel it's time to show some mercy and draw the line here.

This blog is read (and trusted) by many. Comments were received. Very interesting, matter-of-fact submissions, to say the least. You know: FACTS (🤣🤣🤣). People who have rich and full and loving lives, people who travel. People who don't even agree on many things, yet spontaneously concurred on what things very probably looked like, on that Palm Sunday morning.

Exhibit 1: Mom and Traveler #1 (a mom I am not - but I was a child, unbelievable as it might sound, and I absolutely confirm every single bit of it)

I am not yet ridden with dementia, and I remember very well waking everyone up at ungodly hours and refusing my mandatory afternoon siesta (a very bad habit we have in Southern Europe). I wish I would still have that same insane energy now. I also wish I would have kept my 3 year old fashion model food quirks - but that is another story.

However, I am a dog slave (not owner) and as such, I am taking Baby out for his short (but excruciating) morning routine at 7:30 AM. Come rain or shine. Beg him to finish his business with grace and dignity. He never listens. Labs are a charming, addictive handful and my Greek boy is no exception:

Exhibit 2: Mom and Traveler #2. Who happened to be in GLA on Palm Sunday, March 24, 2024 (for the thick people at the back!):

All that trip was abundantly documented on her own page. I am reasonably sure she might be reblogging this with her own pics from that day.

And now, for the real questions at stake:

Why make such an unbelievable fuss over an Anon with no pic, that I was reluctant to publish myself?

Why have a cosmic meltdown, in public nonetheless, if you do think this is such a pile of unbelievable nonsense crap? (*imagine the freakout in DMs, if this made the headlines!)

How many times has/have S (or C, or SC) been seen by Antis in GLA in similar postures, without a word being uttered in public?

Why would such an occurrence be An Event, outside of this (help me, I have no words) fandom?

Why insist with your crappy arguments, when it is plain to see you have got all your facts dreadfully wrong?

Why mention 'central Glasgow', when it is public lore (and included in Waypoints!) that S does not live there anymore? (* I blacked out the exact reference, which makes total sense - the least thing I would like to see happening is freaks like you stalking them)

One last time, you insist - comments 6 and 7 (wow, girl!):

First comment is a lie and if you read my Anon (and you know you all did and discussed it to oblivion) you'll have also read this:

Which part of 'he didn't approach' you don't get, in plain English, madam? I am lousy at drawing, but hey - for the cause (open in separate page, questionable humor included):

Second comment, I won't even get into it. God only knows what the hell you meant. I am Romanian and we tend to be a very sarcastic bunch - especially the Southerners.

You posted those at about 2:45 AM, local time (if you are, indeed, a Scot). That's 4:45 AM my time.

I am a lifelong sufferer of insomnia. You, madam, you are mad wae it, as they say in Glasgow.

Don't drink and post, seriously. It makes for a very #sorry hangover show.

And with this, I am done with you. All of you, in that corner. You showed me more than enough. You know there is substance to that Anon, despite the lack of a picture - hence the collective freakout.

From barf bag to pity party. Who knew?

[Later edit:] re-reading the sixth comment, I think she wants to imply it was the 'other child' - I was literally blind with sleep when I first saw it. Well, there is no evidence of whatever she is trying to explain (has she contacted The Climber? between midnight and 2 AM, local time?). Also, a 5 year old child is not a toddler anymore: kids are considered toddlers up to 3, only. That boy, as we all know (and I am sorry we do), has dark hair - where is the resemblance Anon noticed?

Desperate, grasping at straws, lying through her teeth and mad wae it, all the way.

@pamalissou, thanks for bringing us a third mom's POV in your reblog.

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD Eleventh Doctor pt. 1

(Doctor Character Study part 3c.1 [Redux]) 3c.2

[Full on AO3]

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD).

The Eleventh Doctor is often seen as goofy and not very deep or as a Doctor who is fully cruel for no real reason. He is rarely understood as a deeply traumatized character and given the same understanding as a character like Nine or Ten. However, I posit Eleven is best understood through the lens of having C-PTSD and BPD. 

11th Doctor 1: Hyperarousal, Hypervigilance, Schema, & Anxiety

The Doctor experiences global hyperarousal causing diffuse energy throughout the body dissuades him from being able to calm down and rest is very common for The Doctor. It can seem like he is even afraid to stay still, functioning best at a higher stress level.  (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: Victory of The Daleks, TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, TV: The Lodger, TV: Night Terrors, TV: Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Angels Take Manhattan & Prose: Glamour Chase)

Showing up in TV: Amy’s Choice where the very idea of a calm life causes him to be frustrated and rude:

“Amy: This is busy. Okay, it's quiet, but it's really restful and healthy. Loads of people here live well into their nineties. The Doctor: Well, don't let that get you down. Amy: It's not getting me down. The Doctor: Well, I wanted to see how you were. You know me, I don't just abandon people when they leave the TARDIS. This Time Lord's for life. You don't get rid of your old pal the Doctor so easily. Amy: Hmm. You came here by mistake, didn't you? The Doctor: Yeah, bit of a mistake. But look, what a result. Look at this bench. What a nice bench. What will they think of next? So. What do you do around here to stave off the, you know Amy: Boredom. The Doctor: Self-harm.”

During TV: The Power of Three, the Doctor struggles to stay with The Ponds, having to stay active to not go stir crazy, he does eventually stay but it’s very hard for him. 

Commenting on TV: Vincent and The Doctor:

“The Doctor: Is this how time normally passes? Really slowly. In the right order. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's an unpunctual alien attack”.

This can lead to Insomnia: (TV: The Lodger, TV: The Bells of Saint John, Home Video: Bad Night, Home Video: Good Night & Comic: The Lost Dimension) 

The Doctor has an addiction to excitement, action and danger created by his hyperarousal, sensitised nervous system and schema shaped by viewing the world structured on fighting and danger. It’s something he deeply enjoys and always has but has also become something he can’t not do anymore due to it being something he has just become so habituated to. (TV: Victory of The Daleks, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: Amy's Choice, TV: The Curse of The Black Spot, TV: The God Complex, TV: Dinosaurs On A Spaceship, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: The Cold War Home Video: Bad Night, Home Video: Good Night, Prose: Night of The Humans, Prose: Apollo 23, Prose: Borrowed Time, & Comic: As Time Goes By)

In Prose: Tales of Trenzalore we have the quotes:

“Theol Thought he was enjoying himself a little too much.”

River comments on how he’ll give in and stay become interested in what she is asking him to do when he learns it’s dangerous:

“The Doctor: I'm nobody's taxi service. I'm not going to be there to catch you every time you feel like jumping out of a spaceship. River: And you are so wrong. There's one survivor. There's a thing in the belly of that ship that can't ever die. Now he's listening.”

(TV: The Time Of Angels)

He also can’t let himself move past the danger he becomes aware of even when he wants to:

“The Doctor: Just go. Stop noticing. Just go. Stop noticing, just go. Stop noticing, just go. Stop it. Am I noticing? No. No, I am not. ..... I'm going. Do you hear me? Going. Not staying, going. I am through saving them. I am going away now.”

(TV: Closing Time)

Up to his final story, we can see how much he wants to get involved in dangerous situations and compulsively gets involved.

“Tasha: That message is transmitting through all of space and time. What did it make you feel? The Doctor: Feel? Tasha: Every sentient being in the universe who detected that signal felt something. Something overpowering. The Doctor: What? Tasha: Fear. Pure, unadulterated dread. ... The Doctor: Right. What's the signal? Where's it coming from? Tasha: It's a settlement. Human colony, level two. A farm, basically. The Doctor: Right. Anyone been for a look? ... The Doctor: Daleks, Cybermen, one of that lot, could break through your defences. Tasha: Perhaps. But they're afraid, remember? Nobody wants to go first. The Doctor: I do. Tasha: I was counting on it.”

(TV: Time of The Doctor)

Connected to this is his hypervigilance, a very common sign of C-PTSD. His long history of trauma would likely wire his nervous system to take in information to protect him. (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: Let's Kill Hitler, TV: The God Complex, TV: Closing Time, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: The Rings of Akhaten,  TV: Nightmare in Silver,  Prose: Glamour Chase, Comic: Silent Knight, & Comic: The Girl Who Loved Doctor Who) An example of this can be seen in TV: The Beast Below:

“The Doctor: Now, come on, look around you. Actually, look. ..... The Doctor: Life on a giant starship. Back to basics. Bicycles, washing lines, wind-up street lamps. But look closer. Secrets and shadows, lives led in fear. Society bent out of shape, on the brink of collapse. A police state. Excuse me. (He takes a glass of water from a table.) Man: What are you doing? (And puts it on the floor. He looks at it for a moment then returns it to the table.) The Doctor: Sorry. Checking all the water in this area. There's an escaped fish. Where was I? Amy: Why did you just do that with the water? The Doctor: Don't know. I think a lot. It's hard to keep track. Now, police state. Do you see it yet?”

In this, we can see how The Doctor is telling Amy about the police state, which he later explains he knows because no one is helping a crying child and at the same time noticing the way the water isn’t moving. He also says he “thinks a lot” which can be a reference to how he is taking in more information due to his hypervigilance. 

In Prose: Dark Horizons when discussing his experience of dying at the bottom of the ocean he references how ever-present his hypervigilance is:

The Doctor: “This is the only time I've been relaxed"

He can also be seen noticing the mood and behaviours of people around him even when he is also focusing on conversations (Comic: The Friendly Place)

We can see more of how schema is built around this violence he’s aware of, believing the world to be dangerous. Sometimes not seeing outs, like not believing the Star Whale might stay in TV: The Beast Below. Being generally ready to drop in and fall into patterns of action and fighting (TV: The Eleventh Hour, TV: The Beast Below, TV: The Time of Angels/Flesh and Stone, TV: The Vampires of Venice, TV: The Hungry Earth/Cold Blood, TV: The Lodge, TV: A Christmas Carol, TV: The Impossible Astronaut/Day of The Moon, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: A Town Called Mercy, TV: Nightmare in Silver, TV: The Day of The Doctor)

In Comic: The Eye of Ashaya believes the worst in Christina de Souza but is still willing to steal an artefact himself to fix his TARDIS but then realises she is trying to save the Ashayan people and has to give the artefact back. During Comic: After Life, The Doctor doesn’t always consider normal reasons for things that humans can like animals with tags that have pet owners and not violent reasons like cruelty.  

This detached schema can lead to issues like in Comic: Whodunnit where he accidentally calls his new friends a stray being honest about how they tend to come in and out of his life. However, putting up distance due to the pain the separation from his friends causes.

The Doctor shows more general anxiety throughout this run, yes The Doctor shows immense strength and can command a room he also is insecure about situations and most importantly worried for the safety of the people he is caring for. (TV: Vincent and The Doctor, TV: Time of Angels, TV: The Girl Who Waited, TV: The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People, TV: Closing Time, TV: Asylum of The Daleks, TV: Nightmare in Silver, TV: The Day of The Doctor, Prose: Borrowed Time, Comic: The Girl Who Loved Doctor Who, Comic: The Friendly Place,  Comic: Space in Dimension Relative and Time, Comic: Conversion, Comic: The Tragical History Tour. Comic: Time of the Ood.  Comic: Fool. Comic: Supremacy of the Cybermen, & Comic: Prisoners of Time)

We get a few references to his own worries and anxieties including TV: The Curse of The Black Spot:

“Amy: You only call me Amelia when you're worrying about me. The Doctor: I always worry about you.”

In Prose: Tales of Trenzalore The Doctor says:

"I've been scared for my life almost everyday"

In TV: Flesh and Stone:

“The Doctor:...Nobody panic, just me then"

The Doctor has a panic attack-like episode in TV: Asylum of The Daleks when presented with The Daleks who survived his attacks. And a panic attack in Comic: The Comfort of The Good. 

Shows panicking physical compulsive behaviours in Comic: Space Oddity trying to hide it.

“ The Doctor: I'm not panicking I'm moving quickly’ & “ The Doctor: hard to think without pacing"

This anxiety can present as obsessive thoughts and behaviours. (Prose: Tales of Trenzalore,  Comic: The Lost Dimension) For example, checking Amy’s body scan TV: Day Of The Moon &  TV: The Curse of The Black Spot. We see another topic he can be obsessive about referenced in TV: Victory of The Daleks:

“Amy: I'm still here, aren't I? You're worried about the Daleks. The Doctor: I'm always worried about the Daleks.”

We see this obsessive thinking around the Impossible girl mystery with Clara. (TV: The Rings of Akhaten, TV: Journey to the Centre of the TARDIS,  & TV: Nightmare in Silver) To the point of isolation in TV: The Bells of Saint John.

[spectral-devotee]

Cross-posted from my AO3 fic

Link to Chapter 02

Word count: 3,280

Birds of a feather

Summary:

A fic following Viktor’s arrival to the University of Piltover after Doctor Heimerdinger offers him a job as his assistant.

As required by the Piltovian bureaucracy, some paperwork is inevitable (honestly somewhat unnecessary too). During a medical check-up Viktor discovers he is an Alpha and starts a treatment meant to help his overall health improve. Meanwhile two students in the Engineering and Architecture schools are making a name for themselves. Will they come to meet Viktor at the perfect time to make his whole life change for the better?

or

Jayce and Eda (Reader) team up to join the Distinguished Innovators Competition in hopes of creating a better world when an explosion in Jayce’s workshop turns their world upside down. Jayce is expelled and Eda’s political ideas sit badly with the council members. They both need someone to hold them together and help them make their Hextech dreams come true. A certain assistant is up to the task, though.

Notes:

Hiii! Long time lurker first time poster. Sorry in advance, english isn't my first language so I had to investigate many academic terms. Feel free to correct me if you see anything too weird in that regard.

This first chapter is very Viktor-centric, but I will try to mix it up throughout this work. 3rd and 2nd POV bc it’s easierrrr lol. Also, I intended to make Reader just fit in the story with no alterations to the base material, but ended up accidentally making her Salo’s half-sister and giving her way too much backstory to not do anything with it.

No use of y/n bc it takes me out of it, the name Eda is given to Reader. Get it? reADEr = EDA. I know, brilliant. AFAB pronouns and anatomy for my bby girl, but other than that no further descriptions of Reader’s body will be given

I started this fic before season 2 started airing + I have a really bad memory so many details may be off until further editing.

Yes I love myself some self-shipping ABO, it adds to the flavor (It is also a great excuse to write lots of physical contact for my boys, they need a hug or two)

Likes, reblogs and comments are welcome and appreciated!

Chapter 01: Where Viktor's life started to change

Nothing had ever belonged to Viktor, not really, not completely. As a child one could make the case that his clothes or toys would be of his ownership, but Viktor always saw them as hand-me-downs in the best scenario, but he had no ill-will against his parents or his siblings in that regard. His parents had been too busy trying to keep their family afloat in Zaun’s sea of misery even before he was born. Too many mouths to feed, too little food to go around. He was glad they even tried to make something out of their situation, even if only he had a chance to get out of the depths.

Viktor turns to look at his bedside table. The clock reads 3 am, far too early to wake up yet. He sighs. It’s not often that he stays still in his bed while not plagued with insomnia.

It’s those nights where he lets himself remember his life before Piltover.

He remembers many children coming and going in the little community along the contaminated lake he used to call home. He knew some names, his siblings particularly, the others he tried to guess right. He’s not sure how many they were let him forget how many people he saw die due to the polluted waters, the only thing he’s sure of is that was the youngest amongst them. When the time came for his scent and denomination to show, the other children would make comments on his very faint cinnamon smell, nothing worth mulling over.

Only a few years prior his mother became very ill due to an undiagnosed loss of mobility, most likely a result of many years in poor living conditions. After she died, his father became a sight less and less prominent around the house, leaving him and his siblings to fend for themselves, admittedly not unusual in Zaun. What little food he got was thanks to his sisters, the clothes he shared were his older brother’s. Viktor knows some toys were stolen from unsuspecting pilties, though he prides himself in the modifications he made to them at such a young age.

Just then the alarm sounds and Viktor opens his eyes to see the weak rays of sunlight seeping through the curtains. The almost sterile room stares back at him, the papers scattered along the floor the only hint of his stay aside from the bed he was currently occupying.

The school administrators had given him a temporary permit for a house close to the Academy in the Masters’ villa, a place reserved for the school’s staff to live in. As one would guess, it’s a single floor house with a living room, kitchenette, bathroom, and bedroom.

All the furniture is still arranged exactly as it was given to him, a small sofa next to an empty shelf in the living, a closet full with ironed uniforms in his room area, a personal bathroom complete with a tub and a mirror, a vanity where he kept most of his medicines, and finally a corner to the very back of his room intended for nesting. It’s not his to dispose of, he thinks; four days is all too soon to even attempt to make a nest. He won’t even consider it until his legal academic situation is secure.

The news on his applications to different scholarships are pending. Accommodation, a salary of sorts according to the position of assistant, and his complete  medical record are a few of the things he is currently taking care of. Heimerdinger has told him multiple times his stay in the University of Piltover is stable, that there is no need to keep acting frugal. Still, there’s something inside his mind that won’t let him relax and enjoy his new “home”.

Whatever is left of his cinnamon and oakwood scent is lost to the vastness of the empty space and he starts his morning routine. Delicate fingers grab the cane next to his bed and he proceeds to the bathroom where he stands as tall as he can while looking at his reflection in the mirror. He takes note of the scars and bruises left in that leg. With better conditions in his living quarters came less damage done by accident, not to his surprise.

He took a few pills and washed them down his throat with tap water. One is for the pain, another is for the stress, the third is for the coughs he is prone to.

The fourth pill is the one he is hesitant about.

Whenever Heimerdinger found him and offered to accept him as his assistant, he was sure to take Viktor to a (well-needed) full-body medical checkup as one of the enormous amount of requirements the academy has.

The Piltovian doctors informed him of some things he already knew, or at least expected: his leg was in terrible condition due to the many years unattended, and he would need to use several orthopedic appliances as his condition advanced.

Some other things he found out right then and there, for example: turns out he is an alpha, and his previous intake of unprescribed, questionable-at-best, and (sometimes) down right illegal remedies were taking a heavy toll on his body, and most importantly, his endocrine system. The beta doctor prescribed him with lighter-use suppressants while his body adapted to the dosage and everything settled down.

To be fair this would have not been that great of an issue had he been a beta, as he thought himself to be. The intake of various medicines was a way to make his body able to navigate the undercity, helping his eyes and lungs adapt better to the polluted air. Unbeknownst to him, it was also the reason why he never presented the usual symptoms of an Alpha in the making.

The usual characteristics of an Alpha were lost to him: he wasn’t tall nor strong, maybe somewhat protective, but not enough to ring any bells. Comparatively, he was almost scent-less, he didn’t go through any heats, nor any ruts. Even if his libido was slightly higher than Betas his age, a knot was not visible.

Today happened to be the first day of a several-year plan where Viktor would try out decreasing doses of suppressants meant to aid his body adapt to normal rut cycles. One of the doctors insisted on this treatment due to the success in alphas that seeked to form a pack. He made sure to make his annoyance clear to the doctors, insisting that he did not, in fact, seek to form a pack, but they assured him this was an imperative step for his overall health either way. His body needed to experience a rut at least once to get his glands to make the vital hormones a healthy alpha would normally produce on its own. They only managed to fully convince him when they mentioned this could be the solution to his mobility problem.

And so, now Viktor pondered downing the usual fourth pill. On one hand this would set back the inevitable process of correcting his hormones (maybe until the end of the semester came, and he would be able to barricade himself in his room for months on end). On the other hand, he desperately wanted this whole treatment to be over with as soon as possible.

Finally he decided to throw the remaining pill down his throat.

Better not regret it now.

…

As Viktor walks down the main hall he glances over the school’s notice board. The new additions to the student body are displayed, a way to tell the current students “See them? They will be your competition”, he thinks.

Just as he expected, all Piltolvians, though he is almost sure a former Zaunite around his age should be in the Physics program. Nevermind, there are also a couple of exchange students. The results are shown according to their school of choice.

Architecture, Chemistry and Engineering are shown to the far left, Industrial Design is almost to the middle, Physics is closer to the right. The other schools, he must admit, are not of his particular interest.

One of the things Viktor finds amusing about the Piltovian culture are the casual displays of power they have ingrained in their minds. In this case he notices some names accompanied by a crest. This, as it seems, means the students are from a certain family or that a member from said family is their patron. The Kirammans, some of Piltover’s wealthiest, have decided to sponsor an aspiring engineer from the House of Talis, for example. He takes note of some names, but continues along his way.

A few minutes later he finds himself in front of Dr. Heimerdinger’s door. Viktor takes the brass doorknob and knocks two times before Heimerdinger’s voice calls him from inside “Viktor, my boy. You got here earlier than I expected!” Viktor stands awkwardly looking at the clocktower through the hall window. It is, in fact, too early. Thirty seven minutes early to be precise. “Please, do come in. I’m making tea, would you care for a cup?”. Viktor steps in and closes the door behind him “Yes, if you don’t mind. Thank you, professor”

Heimerdinger’s head suddenly popped through the kitchenette’s doorway “Oh, do sit down, it will take just a minute”. Viktor took a minute to take a closer look at Cecil's abode. Every piece of furniture looked handmade to his size, from the loveseat to the stairs connected to the bookshelves.

The only chair available for Viktor’s… measurements was a wooden chair which he promptly took place in. Soon the distinct sound of a kettle full of boiling water came from the kitchen and Heimerdinger came to the living carrying a small tray with two cups and some pastries.

“Looking at you, I can only imagine you haven’t even grabbed a bite before coming here. As much as us scientists see ourselves as machines that could go on forever working, experimenting and researching, we still do need fuel. Please, take this” Cecil put some cookies and a piece of carrot cake on a plate before pushing it towards Viktor, who quickly grabbed a fork and started eating a single bite without giving him a concrete answer, clearly indicating he was right on his assessment.

Dr. Heimerdinger takes a cookie to his mouth and expects Viktor to continue eating too. Alas, Viktor takes out some papers from his bag and starts going over the themes he came to discuss. “Doctor, I was hoping to go over the syllabus before the first day to make myself familiar with the contents. Now, here it states there you will explain the generalities of-” 

“Oh, Viktor. Often the mind wanders, escaping from our grasp before our own eyes and leaving us in great distress while blind. You needn’t worry, my boy. You are nervous, it is to be expected, after all, it’s your first unofficial day at the Academy.”

“Unofficial?”

“Ah, yes, I did mean to tell you before. You see, the Academic team has favored you. The contrary would be unthinkable, you make a formidable addition. Yet, it seems an intangible enemy has made its presence clear: the lack of official papers regarding your citizenship, licenses and curriculum do make it hard for the administrators to be 100% behind your arrival”

“What does that mean? Am I not going to be able to be your assistant?”

“Quite the contrary. It means it will be your chance to demonstrate your capacities. It is, as some would say, your time to shine”

“Under what conditions am I expected to prove my worth?”

“Your worth is not to be tested, it is only a matter of simple bureaucracy. Always the extremes with you young people! You see, other academics and I have come to an agreement: you will present some tests. Ten to be exact. Each one represents a semester at the Academy and each of them will include all the contents seen within your school of choice. Now, I know you are very capable, in various subjects, but we would prefer if you were to select only one title to carry for now. Will it be Physics, Chemistry, Maths, Engineering or are you going to surprise me by choosing to be a Biopharmaceutical Scientist?”

“Oh”

“Maybe later you could sign up for the Masters program, it wouldn’t be too far from your capacities now, would it?”

“Not at all professor”

“I’ll leave you to think about it, but be sure to get back to me as soon as possible. Now we should get going before all the alumni start suspecting this will be an easy class just because the professors arrived late on the first day!”

“Of course”

They continued going over the syllabus. As expected, Viktor made a few observations on Heimerdinger’s grading system, activities for the students and new sources the professor would most likely need to mention.

Cecil couldn't help but be impressed by the dedication his new assistant showed. He wished Viktor could become a professor himself right then and there. That is until class began and he saw Viktor become a whole new person. Where there was a soft spoken boy, now stood a very strict man ready to personally fail anyone who didn’t take the class seriously. Some students cowered in fear while others began taking notes on every word that came out of his mouth.

Yes, the boy would need some time before he was ready to become a professor.

…

By now they had only one more lecture left. The morning had flown by them with all the hush and haste typical of the first day of school. While waiting for their last class, Viktor and Heimerdinger decided to admire the landscape from his office. The sun bathed Piltover’s building in glorious golden light.

“Sir, I have chosen my answer regarding what we discussed earlier”

Heimerdinger turned to look at Viktor “What wonderful news, I knew you would be fast to decide on this tumultuous yet delightful path. What will it be?”

“I think-”

Just then an explosion rang far in the distance and the enforcer’s sirens blared throughout Piltover. The previous shimmer of the city now dulled with ashes. Noise began blaring from the border.

Grey clouds started flooding the bridge, a clear sign of deep trouble in the cross between Piltover and Zaun.

Before either of them could react in any way other than shock, a flock of enforcers started making their way through the main streets in calculated fashion. Though it was hard to make out from so far away, Viktor was sure the bridge was flooded with Zaunites. Was this some sort of uprising?

Both of them came back to it. Immediately the professor ran to the speaker device connected to the amplifiers scattered all around the Academy.

“Dear students, there seems to be an unspecified phenomenon currently developing in the bridge to Zaun. Do not get out of school grounds until further notice. I repeat. Do not get out of school grounds. You are safe here. Do not run, the enforcers are on their way to assist”

…

Viktor expected a tiresome day full of classes, meetings, and running errands for Dr. Heimerdinger. To a certain extent this came true, he was tired, very tired. They had only one class left before they had to call off the day and, while the meeting was postponed, he did run many errands for the professor. What he didn’t expect was the armed uprising and nigh siege he endured in his first day as an assistant.

The battle in the bridge lasted for about twelve continuous hours, he thought the Zaunites would have won by the sixth, they have a great advantage in numbers alone. Even then numbers and weapons aren’t everything, he supposes.

Reports popped all over the place. The casualties of Piltovian civilians and enforcers kept rising by the minute. Viktor would need to ask around for the Zaunite casualties. Even if the exact number was impossible to estimate correctly, he had to know. Admittedly, asking for names would be too much. He was too afraid to hear the names of the deceased in case he knew one, or more, of them.

The streets were closed off several hours after the attack. Most government and academic buildings not essential for the armed forces were turned into temporary shelters for the affected civilians. Mainly the not-so-wealthy Piltovians.

There was one thing that Viktor found strange, but would never dare to say. It seemed like the enforcers were aware of the Zaunites movements before they acted and strategized accordingly. How else could one describe their precision when the Zaunites moved through the secret passages in the city? That was certainly not luck.

A whistleblower among the people of Zaun would be unthinkable, but then again, not completely out of the realm of possibilities.

The other council members were quick to do damage control, assuring everyone the battle had ended for good and no big losses had been noted, quite the contrary. In another feat of Piltovian culture, the council members would usually give good news to reduce the blow any given disruption made in their perfect little society.

In this case they were fast to announce the recovery of the long lost daughter of Xade, the female Alpha head to the House of du Marquis and fellow council member. Very few details were given, apparently she was being held hostage by her Omega Zaunite father as a way to blackmail councilman Xade for money. The girl was recovered during an investigation at the Entresol level, the same level of Zaun Viktor was born in. In his opinion this was nothing more than propaganda designed to make Piltovians hold a grudge against Zaunites, splitting them even further apart.

Viktor couldn’t help but scoff at that. Lives were lost. People on both sides had died. Could no one else see the unfairness of the situation? A daughter was found, many others would never be seen again.

…

Dr. Heimerdinnger had many obligations to tend to as the Dean before he could go back to his quarters. Ensuring the safety of all students and school staff was a priority, but the public announcements were a close second. Reassuring the parents, patrons or patron parents was a whole other show Viktor was not sure he wanted to take part in, even if it was his job to do so. 

By the time it was all over, it was either deep in the night or very early in the morning.

“Well, Viktor, what an… eventful first day you’ve had. Worry not, tomorrow, or should I say today, will be a rather unremarkable day compared to… Oh, what am I even saying? Avoiding the situation often lights the flame rather than dull it. The horrors of war can never be avoided, that I know, although the frictions between the districts is undeniable I believe peace can be achieved”

“I do too” Viktor turned to face his superior

 “We will see through this situation in the blink of an eye, the wind rises and so must we. I will see you in a while, and I expect you to be as vigilant as you were today”

Viktor was almost sure the professor fervently needed sleep, yet he couldn’t deny the hopeful smile that threatened to appear through his own lips.

“Actually, sir, before we part I wanted to tell you what I want to study, if that’s alright”

“Of course, what will you choose?”

“Engineering suits me”

“Very well, I will talk to the others as soon as possible. Rest well, Viktor”

Summary:

A fic that started as a way to explore Viktor’s feelings after his arrival at the University of Piltover but turned into a no-y/n-reader-insert political drama with an actual Plot somewhere around chapter 3!

or

As required by the Piltovian bureaucracy, some paperwork is inevitable (honestly somewhat unnecessary too). During a medical check-up Viktor discovers he is an Alpha and starts a treatment meant to help his overall health improve. Meanwhile two students in the Engineering and Architecture schools are making a name for themselves. Will they come to meet Viktor at the perfect time to make his whole life change for the better?

Jayce and Eda (Reader) team up to join the Distinguished Innovators Competition in hopes of creating a better world when an explosion in Jayce’s workshop turns their world upside down. Jayce is expelled and Eda’s political ideas sit badly with the council members. They both need someone to hold them together and help them make their Hextech dreams come true. A certain assistant is up to the task, though.

[angelofthemornings]

Okay, I came up with an action plan. I sort of want to share it with others, so after I review it with my therapist next week I'll post it to r/hikikomori. I'll show you folks too.

I decided to come up with an action plan about my condition based both on personal research and input from my new therapist. I'll make reminders in my phone calendar and come back with three month, six month, and one year updates. If anyone would like to do the challenge with me, please comment and update as well! I'm doing this publicly partially because I think it would be a little easier for me to do something for others and not just myself. If I'm a success story people can look at, then others might figure out how to help themselves too.

Some background on me:

I was a healthy, active, and industrious kid. Very curious, always doing something, a hard worker. The only thing wrong with me was some autism, very mild.

However, I developed severe insomnia around the age of thirteen and was unable to sleep until two or three AM. My parents decided I was "being obstinate" and refused to take me to a doctor or even get me OTC sleeping pills. Instead, I'd get locked in an empty closet hoping I'd pass out from boredom (I didn't), or dragged out of bed and onto the floor at six AM by my arm or my hair and forced to go to school on only a couple hours' sleep. Maybe an adult could handle that kind of sleep deprivation and still function, but for a child this was torture, especially because I was screamed at and sometimes hit every morning because I struggled to get up and going. I completely collapsed mentally - I even started bedwetting - and dropped out of school within a few months of my insomnia appearing, becoming a hikikomori. I spent over a decade more or less in captivity, and, possibly due to the stress of isolation, I developed bipolar disorder and epilepsy (I'm pretty sure, at least, that both came after I entered social withdrawal and weren't the cause) and I also struggled with alcoholism for a bit. I have some other trauma from things like relationships - I ran away and lived briefly with an older man as a teenager and it was really bad - and some other things, but that's not important right now.

I spend all my time lurking on social media looking for cheap dopamine hits and reading ebooks on my phone and that's just about it. After a LOT of trying and failing I'm able to draw and paint on a tablet for at least a few minutes most days as well.

So, as for the challenge.

My first step was stabilizing my health (bipolar disorder and epilepsy are in control and my sleep schedule is good, and I stopped drinking using the Sinclair method). That's taken care of.

Here are my instructions to myself for the rest of my healing process:

1. Accept that you were driven into a fragile and fearful state that is so normal to you now that you don't even notice it. Try to notice it. There are lots of things you want to do and don't do, and things you do that you don't want to be doing, and they grate on you. Pay attention to those moments and challenge and interrogate them, like:

"I don't want to get on social media this morning. Why do I feel like I have to?" Once you have answered that: "Is that true? Do I really have to? What will I feel if I don't do it and is that feeling really going to be intolerable?"

"I want to pick up a little, but I can't make myself. Why is that? Okay, it feels like I'm afraid my back will hurt. But how much will it hurt and will I go all to pieces if it does get sore? No, I think I can handle it."

"I need to clean the snow off of the car and I can't do it, but I can't identify why. What is something I could do to make myself more comfortable doing it? Maybe I'm hungry and could eat lunch first to get myself energized and to move around a little before doing any labor, or maybe I subconsciously realize I'm not wearing warm enough clothes."

Now is where all the research you've undoubtedly done about ADHD and autism stuff will come in handy. "Oh, it looks like I feel like I'm not going to be on time so I won't do anything before my telehealth appointment, even quickly change the clothes I've been in for three days...I know from my research that I can use a visual timer to help with that."

You'll have to talk to yourself like a mother negotiating gently with a very young child, or like someone rehabilitating an abused kitten, and that's okay. "Reparenting yourself" is a very common technique in American psychology. Remember that the father of hikikomori studies, Saito Tamaki, is really against firmness and force. He often compares it to "driving someone into the corner." Your job is not to discipline yourself and try to get tougher, your job is to coax yourself out of that corner. Again, the "abused kitten" model of thinking about yourself should work well here according to him - I don't think telling a feral kitten that Marcus Aurelius wouldn't approve is going to make it stop cowering. Kindness and creating a safe emotional atmosphere so it feels comfortable expanding its boundaries will.

Understand that "making yourself comfortable so you can do things" is much different than just "making yourself comfortable"; the latter is the kind of retreat that led to your unhealthy lifestyle. The former is purposeful healing.

Also understand that this "mindfulness" will take time to do consistently and is sometimes going to get annoying and cost energy. But if you can manage to do it for even one thought/action you want to change a day, that's still significant and will grow into serious progress.

2. Move physically. I don't mean go outside and jog for an hour right away, that's like, step nineteen. Moving physically and "being in my body" or "aware of my body" is difficult for me because of self-hatred and possibly some sexual abuse trauma, and after all this sedentary isolation I feel very detached from it. You'll want to start with very small stuff like chair yoga or those under-the-desk pedal things, and for only a few minutes. You can work your way up to true exercise later, for now, your job is just to get used to yourself as having a body.

3. Go outside by yourself, with no particular reason at first to decrease pressure. To start, I want to drive to the park at least twice and then three times a week, I don't even have to get out of the car, just practice being there. After I can regularly go to the park without feeling stressed, I can go to the public indoor pool and swim, just to practice being visible around others (water is really soothing to me). Then I'll attend virtual meetings for something - I've found some groups for autistics, LGBT, etc. After establishing regular attendance at virtual groups, I want to start going to the open art studio held at the library every week. That is attended exclusively by old ladies and they're always happy to see younger people, and older women generally have good social skills that'll compensate for my bad ones, and it's way less pressure than trying to create a social circle with people my own age. I also can either sit there quietly and make art or choose to socialize a little, nothing is obligatory.

If I struggle too much with the virtual groups or open art studio, I might attend an adult day care center for the disabled and have people pick me up to go, so that I'll have something external pushing me.

After I get used to that, I need to focus on one-on-one stuff which is very hard for me. To do that, I want to get virtual lessons in language learning (expensive but I'm going to try to squeeze it out of my budget) (on italki you're paying the tutor to be nice to you and you're not talking in your native language, so you're going to stumble and be awkward by default, no shame) or in violin so I can improve my skills and express myself. After I get used to people that way, I can try to join things like book clubs in my area and meet people in their 20s and 30s naturally.

4. This is about where I can start considering maybe a part-time job or school. It might be useful to take a class or classes on Coursera first, that way I can practice structure and doing things consistently for weeks on end.

5. In general, I want to make a list of three things to do every day. At least one of them should be a fun thing that I'd like to enjoy but struggle to do, like playing my violin. Another one should be something challenging and productive I can do on my phone, like use a language learning app, because phone activities are easiest for me. The remaining slot can go to obligations like doctor's appointments or cleaning up.

Advice: Studies show (source: Tiny Habits, written by the director of the Stanford Behavior Design lab) that you actually have a very limited window to reward yourself for good behavior, as in, less than a second. Saying you'll eat ice cream after dinner if you do something in the morning isn't effective. What you need to do is, after you've done something you want to reward, give yourself a bit of congratulations. I personally started playing the Final Fantasy victory sting in my head once I've done something I want to do. (The author of the book says he does a little dance or goes "Yay me!" when he does something like his pushups.) I also got the Do It Now app, which gives you points for tasks you set so you can watch yourself level, and I added not only obligatory stuff (cleaning, brushing teeth, appointments, etc.) but entertaining things that aren't sitting on a screen that I'd like to do more of but are hard for me (violin, listening to music, etc.). These two tools can give me tangible, psychologically appealing rewards. I don't know why being able to press a button in an app and watch a number go up is so satisfying, but it is.

Also, meditating helps (especially because it makes you more aware of your thoughts, that's useful for step one). I financed a Muse S meditation headband that reads my brainwaves and rewards me with audio cues when I reach a relaxed state, but I'm not going to say that's necessary because I want this challenge to be as cheap as possible for everyone.

Above all, be gentle, and give yourself points for trying even if you can only do something for a minute or two.

[authorhjk1]

December Special

(I will update this post regularly)

Hi everyone!

I'm planing on writing exactly five chapters throughout December, which means every Sunday. You guys can send me requests until November 12th. After that, we will decide together, which of the requests I will write. Everytime I get a request for this event here on Tumblr or on Wattpad, I will put it on the list in this post.

You can request anything, it can be completely different from my story. The requests, which I've already gotten and didn't add to this list, will appear in the actual story I am currently writing.

I will not write anything about minors (obviously) and I will only add requests, which I am comfortable with (If I am just not into a certian kink, it is hard to write and I think the smut will suck then).

I will sort the requests by groups/ soloists. You can put in more than one request. I'm also reserving one chapter for actresses only, since I feel like there not as many smuts about them (But I'm afraid I don't know that many).

Update:

I will structure the voting as followed:

Everyone has four votes aka I will do four polls, since there are four chapters to be picked. The voting will take place from the 12th of November until the 26th. You can still send me requests during that time, but be aware that the people who already voted might not look at the poll again, until it's decided. I will encourage the people on Wattpad to vote on Tumblr, so that everyone is able to follow the process. But if that's not possible for some, I will allow dms or comments.

I will not announce the winners. I like to keep it interesting so prepare to be surprised ;) The order of the chapters will be decided by me.

The release dates will be:

December 9th

December 16th

December 23rd

December 30th

Please bear in mind that I might not live in the same timezone as you, which means the updates might be delayed for some. I will also notify you, if I will not be able to finish a chapter until the deadline, but I will do my best that this will not happen. Of course you never know.

IU:

You meet your exgirlfriend IU at a high school friend's wedding. After the memories of your school times come back, the two of you sneak off.

Dreamcatcher:

After just being hired by Dreamcatcher Company, you are already tasked with shooting Jiu's and SuA's special clip. Jiu knows that you are an Insomnia and that SuA is your bias. Maybe you will get to shoot another type of special clip with the two of them, thanks to Jiu.

After another exausting week, Gahyeon visits her boyfriend, who is currently living on Jeju island. Once she gets there, she realizes, that he is cheating on her with someone else. As she walks in, Gahyeon sees SuA,who is already bouncing on top of her boyfriend.

Red Velvet:

You and Irene are coworkers with a special history. The two of you tried out more kinks and positions and places than even married couples. But some things are still missing. Luckily, Irene has a friend, who is working in your company as well. Kang Seulgi. The young intern, who got hired a couple of weeks ago. You were planning on welcoming her properly anyways.

Being a demon has its up and downs. But there is one thing you will never get tired off. People who summon you. Either for fun, or because they are convinced that there aren't any supernatural beings. Or, In this case, three gorgous women, who want to experience more than just meaningless sex with strangers. Joy, Seulgi and Yeri have only one thing in mind, while they summon you.

(G)-idle:

You have worked with a couple of idols already. THey are often models and embassadors for brands after all. Now you are tasked with filming a small video to promote Jimmy Choo's newly designed dress. The woman who appears in your studio is no other than Cho Miyeon.

Itzy:

Yuna has always been quite kinky. But her Christmas present for you this year is on another level. It's Ryujin. She is kneeling on her bed, wrapped in red lingerie and a bow like a gift. Her hands are tied behind her back, while her eyes are covered with a red blindfold.

Le Sserafim:

You have already tried everything. Drinking warm milk with honey, listening to music, reading a book. Nothing. Working out, spending more time on your job. Nothing. Even after bringing that girl home last night, Yunjin, you vaguely remember her name, didn't help at all. You still can't fall asleep. It's late at night and you are lying in bed once more. Sleepless. THen, your doorbel rings. That must be your neighbour. Chaewon. After telling her about your insimnia, she said she might know something.

Twice:

Going to college is already hard enough, considering your background. Bad grades, devorced father, stepmother and stepsister and so on. The only reason you got in was because of your scholarship. You are not a good student. But a talented football player. And now everything becomes even more difficult. While trying to learn for your upcoming test, someone nocks on your door. Tzyuy, your stepsister. Her and her mom, Jihyo, seemed to have gotten in ahuge fight once again. Can you cheer her up?

Girls Generation:

The one thing you love most about your job is the fact that you see beautiful women pretty much every day. Being a photographer enables you to make them take almost any kind of pose in any kind of outfit. Of course, when you started your career, you never thought about it like this. Until you meet Im Yoona.

Cross groups/soloists:

IU's and Kang Seulgi's competition started, when they caught each other, having sex backstage during an award show, a couple of months ago. At first, it picked up slowly. Random challenges, send via text on the kakaoTalk app, answered by pictures as proof of the accomplished mission. Now, the two of them are tied, desperate to come up with something new. Luckily, IU and Seulgi have alot of fans, who are more than happy to help them out.

One thing idols do best is taking pictures. For Istagram for Facebook, you name it. And Jini is no exception. But this time, unbeknownst to her fans, there is a reason why she only uploaded pictures with her upper body visible. Reading the comments afterwards makes her smile. If only they knew what was going on.

Idols are always stressed, overworked and tired. On top of that, they can't even relax properly. They have to be carefull about heir food, words and actions. And one thing, that some people might neglect, is sexual satisfaction. That becomes a problem for Karina, Jihyo and Eunbi. Having bigger breasts only adds to their problems. Due to stress, their milk production starts to rise. When three of them invite you to join their pre-Christmas party, they obviously have ulterior motives.

December is always hectic for you. Luckily, you are sometimes able to blend out the real world and immerse into kpop. You are a member of a few discord channels and Reddit communities. One night, you see there is only one other person in one specific chatroom. The two of you send each other spicy pics and gifs of your favourite idols, like you usually do. Suddenly, you receive similar kind of pictures from an unknown number. Pictures of Kazuha. Asking your online friend about it, he actually is experiencing the same, but with pictures of An Yujin. What is this about? And what is the last picture you receive? A condom? What is going on?

You immediately harden at th sight of your coworker in her stage outfit. Karina looks like a holy being as the makeup artist finishes her job. She looks up at you through the mirror nervously. You are not supposed to be here. You are perfoming soon as well, your own group is getting ready in the next room. But sometimes, like today, Karina gets stressed and worried before her perfomance. The two of you sneak off, finding a closet that seems perfect for your purpose. You freeze in the door as you see Irene between Taeyeons's legs.

Actresses:

You knew this might happen. You read the script of your new role in the upcoming kdrama. And yet, you are surprised, when your co-star pulls you aside after filming that day. Seo Yeaji's face can switch in a heartbeat. From a cold and emotionless mask, to an adorable, cute smile. While she asks you, if the two of you could practice that one scene, her face shows a new expression. Lust. It's quite a spicy scene after all.

Hong Chayoung is a very skilled and succesful lawyer at the law firm Wusang. Being the Babel Group's legal representative, she does everything to win against the opposition. You used to be a member of Park Seokdo's Ant company. After having a rough time, you decided to start an honest life. But Chayoung is afraid you are going to spill Babel's secret in the upcoming trial (No spoilers for "Vincenzo", hoping for a season two!!!)

[kittynugg]

HELLO 👋👋👋 HIIII. I think your art is super charming and I always love seeing it pop up on my dash :]] I hope ur having a nice day!!!!

What are your favorite headcanons for Ford?

i received this ask at around three in the morning which sucks because i went to sleep like juuuuuuust before you sent it but regardless its better this way because i saw it an hour ago and am responding now that im on my computer and have gotten rid of most of the eyecrust/lh

first of all thank you so much!! i'll keep that in mind whenever i post i'll think "ah yes canadianno will love this one" or "ooh candianno will hate this one shit" depending on the post

i do recognize you in my notes from time to time every time im like "OH ITS THAT GUY !!" like i do with,, every repeat interactor (do NOT know what word to call that like lump of people because not all of you guys are following me [which doesn't bother me!/gen] but uiuhkgk that works]

and about having a good day my day did just start but regardless its off to a decent one, i like interacting with people and receiving asks although they scare the shit out of me before i check them 😭

anyway *rubs hands together* here's the good part of this post my ford headcanons

i think my all-time favorite has to be the aroace ford headcanon, that might be me overcompensating against all the weird ships with him some of which i dont even want to know about but know they're out there because the shipping side of this fandom has a lot of,, strange people but regardless i like it a lot!! i'm aroace myself and only realized that because of that headcanon and jaidenanimation lmfao

to piggyback off of that ford being touch-starved is a hard second, honestly might be tied with the aroace hc. like. all those fics about him getting incredibly sleep deprived and cuddling with stan those are my fucking LIFEBLOOD. PLATONIC👏PHYSICAL👏AFFECTION👏IS👏REAL👏 he definitely falls asleep on the couch with mabel when they stay up really late watching movies or passes out on the floor with dipper (hugged in a vice grip that dipper tries to escape from but just gives up ofc) after a really long ddnmd session. or maybe they were studying a cryptid or waiting for a machine to power up. i also hc him to have really bad insomnia but shhhh let him have his sweetness

also i gave him autism i think thats important, and also depression and anxiety. and maybe adhd?? idk disorder soup dude ([not] small explanation for this i dooooo project most of the symptoms i have him show in my works atm and ive suspected that i have all of those for a while [some longer than others] so i figure i either mistake adhd symptoms for autism at times or they have a lot of overlap which they do tmk but someone did point out that ford might have adhd in the comments of one of my fics and i never really thought of it before but yeah)

here's a fun one from my notes app not quite a favorite headcanon but uhh here's this ford can't shake hands (not just because of bill but mostly bill, part of it is being raised thinking he's a freak for his extra finger and hiding it) BUT he can dap someone up flawlessly. just a weird quirk he has

anyway ive said too much im going to leave now and work on my fanfiction because the grind never stops !!! ty for the ask!!

[newbookcats]

Why Do We Love to "Hate" the Unlikable Female Heroine? | A Discussion About Every Reader's Favorite Guilty Pleasure

To read more posts like this, visit my blog: https://newbookcatsreads.blogspot.com/

A reader's favorite guilty pleasure is assuming that the sharp wits, scathing remarks, and morally questionable actions of fictional characters are aimed directly at us. These books we have associated as our safety nets do anything to catch us during jarring experiences and the emotional turmoil that typically follows.

For instance, every time I revisit Cassandra Clare's The Infernal Devices trilogy where she showcases a love triangle with only right angles, I consistently brace myself from Will Herondale's cold remarks veiling his (obvious) affection for Tessa Gray and any cruel schemes completed by Jessamine, Nathan, Magister or other villains--not that the Magister's manipulation of his soul-fueled robot army sucks away any remorse I have toward his sorrowful past lending to his desires for revenge against Shadowhunters. Still, their flaws feel personal, their choices oddly intimate, and somehow, their imperfection makes the story better.

Moreover, despite the immediate hatred we are expected to feel for villains and their callous schemes, there are surprisingly many literature heroines widely disliked by readers--and by extension, the family members of said readers who have to listen to thorough dissections of the heroine's role in the story and cry spells resulting from the heroine's ultimate sacrifice to rescue their loved ones from poisoned cake.

And, while Joey undeniably reflects every reader in this scenario, I would also like to express how not-sorry I am for my past and future actions regarding my favorite novels and character.

Still, this begs the question: why do we love to hate these unlikable heroines, particularly the sharp-tongued, self-centered, and sometimes just plain mean ones that somehow steal the spotlight and keep us turning the pages until the night turns into day?

Warning: All of the declarations written by me and featured on this blog are my opinions. I'm an amateur literature dissectionist; further, I barely know how to write a story without one or many plot holes. Please respect my opinions. Moreover, if you share an opinion in the comments, I will respect your takes--even the burning hot ones--regardless of how I personally stand on an issue. If you come across a statement that you have an issue with, I highly recommend for you to consult your local librarian or book club to discuss incidental symptoms of hotheadedness, insomnia, snarky comments, frequent book hangovers, and possible death. This post is not recommended as book therapy or is an associated treatment for people with high prevalence of the above symptoms, and it is recommended for all readers to proceed and share at their own risk. Thank you!

First, let’s address societal expectations. Women in fiction are often expected to be likable, relatable, or at the very least, redeemable. For example, Sansa Stark from George R. R. Martin's Game of Thrones is everything expected of a young woman readied to marry the heir to the Seven Kingdoms: obedient, soft-spoken, and well-mannered albeit a rare occurrence of sass reserved for her siblings. However, throughout a series of torturous character-defining moments as Martin's story progresses, Sansa transforms into a woman that readers strongly admire yet fear. Strong-willed, resilient, and loyal in favor of Daenerys and her brother Jon's resistance against the presently-ruling Lannister family, she earns both fans and enemies; however, her power-hungry tendencies and ambitious attitude show another complexity to her character--even allowing readers to outspokenly crave a downfall in her plans.

Another instance would be when Celeste in Kiera Cass’s The Selection series is painted as the vain and ruthless "mean girl" who is laser-focused on attaining Prince Maxon's heart and the deeply coveted title as Queen of Illéa. But as the trilogy progresses, Celeste surprises readers by risking her life to protect Maxon and America, her competitor. Slowly through the trilogy, her vulnerabilities are revealed, suddenly transforming her from a villain we loved to hate to someone we grudgingly admire. Similarly, Nina Zenik from Leigh Bardugo’s Six of Crows is introduced as unapologetically brash and self-assured. Despite included as a protagonist of the story, she undeniably embodies traits that readers often find polarizing, making her a magnet for both admiration and critique from readers. These are classic cases of an unlikable heroine being redeemed by layers of complexity and growth.

Meanwhile, male characters, can brood, break hearts, and make all kinds of morally questionable choices while still being applauded as society's next "bookish boyfriend" and excused as “complicated” or “nuanced.” So when an author drops an unlikable female heroine into our laps, she feels refreshing.

But here’s the thing: unlikable heroines reflect real women. Not everyone is a people-pleaser or a cinnamon roll who always says the right thing at the right time. And, let’s be honest, who wants to be?

Unlikable heroines challenge the idea that women must be palatable to be worthy of storytelling. Instead, they showcase flaws in ways that resonate with readers who might see themselves in the unfiltered messiness.

Take, for instance, Cersei Lannister from Martin's Game of Thrones. Yes, despite not being a heroine, Cersei's story is a masterclass in making readers simultaneously love and hate a character. Her snark, cruelty, and morally questionable choices make her divisive. Yet, when her full intentions of keeping her family, especially her children, not only safe but alive in the midst of a dragon-led rebellion are revealed, many readers, especially those who are mothers or caretakers of a family member, suddenly see her in a new light. Still, this begs us to consider if Cersei as a bitter, vengeful, yet deeply loyal woman deserves a redemption arc or if she is irredeemable and should be punished with more than just rotten tomatoes.

Moreover, there’s a fine line between flawed and unbearable. When done well, unlikable heroines make us question our own biases. 

Why does her ambition feel “too much” to me? Am I uncomfortable with her choices because they’re immoral or because they challenge societal norms?

But when done poorly, these characters turn into nothing more than plot devices for shock value or an author’s attempt at forced edginess, becoming caricatures overdressed in universally condemned values and unlikeable personality traits. For example, Storee from Megan Quinn’s How My Neighbor Stole Christmas is a prime example of this. On the surface level, she is quirky and sarcastic, traits that easily evoke adoration. But after further reading and analysis, her incessant snark crosses into grating territory, leaving some readers (ahem, me) rolling their eyes more than rooting for her. It’s a balancing act, and when that balance is off, even the most forgiving audience may find themselves not finishing that supposed "feel-good" story in lieu of reaching for another one.

Still, I believe unlikable heroines have a place on our shelves. They force us to engage critically with our stories, question our assumptions, and maybe even confront our own unlikable traits. Moreover, as I have matured and been exposed to more complex pieces or stories including advanced topics, I have come to enjoy reading about morally gray protagonists--even so far as looking forward to their written presence. Albeit their misunderstood pasts or questionable intentions within their fictional universes, it is refreshing to encounter characters who are neither strictly virtuous or are perpetually untarnished by faults or temptations. 

Albeit not a female heroine, it's refreshing to consider that even the holiest figure of them all, Jesus, in the Bible was admittedly tempted by the devil several times throughout His life and during His preparations. Moreover, He questioned His purpose and final sacrifice. These situations and similar ones dispersed throughout the Bible remind readers that absolute perfection is unattainable for anyone...even for the son of a deity.

And, returning to non-biblical figures, morally gray characters resonate with audiences, when written correctly, because they reflect this messy, intricate reality of humanity that is complicated, often selfish, and undeniably flawed. Everyday, we face that perfection is strictly an illusion, and these characters remind us that these slight imperfections can be captivating, successfully driving a story forward and establishing a character as a timeless literary figure and, oftentimes, an inspiration for others. The complexities of these characters not only challenge us to question our own moral compass but to find empathy in the most unexpected places. And, that includes the countless number of family members and friends I entrusted to hear my most vulnerable thoughts about these characters.

And on a higher note, these characters are fun to include in thoughtful debates and deep philosophical discussions when it comes to values and beliefs--and who doesn’t love a good bookish debate with both readers and non-readers alike?

So, what’s your take? Are unlikable heroines misunderstood gems or literary landmines? Albeit YOUR literal perfection, which characters or literary scenes encouraged you to reflect on your own morals or biases? Is it possible for these unlikable heroines (like Cersei Lannister) to earn redemption from readers, or what are some common traits and actions that make this option widely opposable (such as in the case of the Magister)? Leave your hot takes below (bonus points if you can name a heroine you loved and hated at the same time). Let’s keep this discussion spicy--just like our favorite morally gray protagonists--in the comments below or via my social media accounts.

Love,

Nicole

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[da-owo]

GOOD MORNIFN TUMBLR IT IS CURRENTLY 2 PM FOR ME AN I AM FEEELIN VERY GOOD VERY COMIC MOTIVATED to answer some questions tho - do i sleep? absolutely even if its only a couple hours i have horrible insomnia and i tend to have to exhuasted myself to an extreme deal if i want to sleep more then 3 hrs which is why sometimes ill be alive at 4 or 5 am , this is also why i stated updates will be random , tho i dont like posting at 3 am i will if i want to move onto my next project -you've noted my bio says full time nsfw artist , is there going to be nsfw in the comic? if there is it will not be plot related and it will kept to my nsfw accounts ( i will not be sharing a link here or in the comments of this post as i have already shared where you could find that content ) - i'm really fast how am i getting this much done this fast? i work from home an yes do art full time , i do live in stream commissions so i just have "trained" my self to move faster when it comes to my art that way i can do more then just one persons commission in stream so now out of habbit i go go go go i've been called the "amazon prime" "same day shipping" artist haha tho sometimes a really really big piece comes through an that is a all day project but nonetheless anyone can practice enough to do stuff fast i also have been a full time artist for 5 years now ( sometimes even just taking a day to do fast sloppy sketches really helps with getting speed but speed should not be you main focus your growing as a artist and should enjoy the process and the art you make <3 -anything cosplay related , since i have gotten a vast amount of questions there -my wigs are all to mostly from arda wigs ( my jack frost and danny wig is a jet wig from arda, jacks is a silver in jet and danny's is a pure white in jet but i cut it in half to dye the under cut black ) if my wig isnt from arda they are mostly from amazon map of beauty is a good start for someone who wants a cheap wig to start with - i have been cosplaying for almost 12 years now i do not use name brand make up tbh my foundation is super stay from walmart in the lightest shade since i dont get to see the sun very often haha , i will always recommmend TRANSULUCENT setting powder -Contacts! yes sometimes i wear them but my eyes are very sensitive and i am very blind so most the time i am just editing them to the color i need them lol please stay away from ttdeye contacts they can damage your eyes DO NOT SHARE CONTACTS if they hurt TAKE THEM OUT NOW , contacts can cut and damage your eyes very easy - my jack frost cosplay staff , my staff is over 6ft tall ( i am not very short so i had to make it sized to me ) its a pvc pipe i had laying around and on the top there is a piece of a different broken prop hot glued to hell and back and heat shaped to make the hook then i i cut up a bunch of random lengthed shapes of foam and glued it around from the base to the very top and then sat there with my hot glue gun and added wood texture with hot glue , painted it a off brown , then dry brushed white all over it my staff is not perfect but for having made it all in one day i love it

if i missed anything feel free to ask im sure have an answer haha also been debating a name for my comic so might be refering to it as the golden dream but im unsure if i want to commit to it haha

[tiikerikani]

Enough is enough

I've been in an insomnia death spiral for a while, and it is REALLY BAD right now. I sometimes say that I wish days were 28 hours long so I can fit everything in, but at the moment I'm thinking I need 32-hour days, if not longer. My brain is flat-out nope-ing out of work and it is even more exhausting trying to goad myself into doing it.

It was Senpai's birthday a couple of weekends ago, and while I'd already delivered my greeting (and a small pencil sketch) to him at the book launch, I also wanted to do something meaningful for the occasion, and I think that he would have been 100% behind me doing this:

I dug out the post-it note on which the one psychiatrist at the beginning of the panini, who had actually listened to me (see footnote 4), gave me the name of a place that does neuropsychological testing in English, and I emailed them. So I'll be having a consultation with one of their clinicians next week to get that process started.

Back then I'd balked at the price (and it was quite out of my budget at the time, almost a months' rent), and it still is a LOT of money (with the various followups and formal diagnosis from a psychiatrist and so on it will definitely be more than that especially when I don't have the health insurance that Old Job had provided), but I am in a bit better situation financially now.

I wrote "actually listened to me" in paragraph 3 because every other psychiatrist I talked to since then had been incredibly dismissive of my experiences. It's especially frustrating when you pour yourself out to them, about how so many of your eccentricities and the traumas of your childhood suddenly make sense when considered in light of what we now know about (inattentive) ADHD, and they tell you to your face that no, you don't have it, go take a nap. One doctor at least gave me an official referral to psychotherapy but I didn't use it because 1) you're on your own to find a therapist (good luck, lol), 2) you have to pay for most of it anyway, and 3) it's not going to be effective if it doesn't address the root cause(s) behind that trauma.

On further reflection, I now realize that these "death spirals" were not ordinary burnouts (if that can even be a thing) but specifically ADHD burnouts, so it's even more imperative that I get to the truth at the bottom of this. It can very well be that I'm too damn tired for tests to properly show my baseline, but structured cognitive/behavioral/whatever tests will have some kind of rubric and maybe even quantitative measurements so it will be less about how they feel about what I tell them about myself but what the scores say about it.

But what's more, I now have copies of the figurative receipts. When I was visiting my parents last year I made scans of all my old report cards and other school records (that Mom meticulously organized and kept). Not every single page but those with grades or teacher/parent comments on. I don't really have any interest in reading through them myself. Some of the criticisms areas for improvement my teachers had for me are still etched in my mind 30 years later, because I couldn't "fix" them then (and not for lack of trying) nor really understand why I should (be like normal people), and still can't and don't. I will not enumerate them here.

_________

TL;DR:

I don't care what it costs (a lot) but I am (finally) getting my damn brain tested for ADHD because I can't manage it on my own anymore while pretending to the world (and the world trying to tell me) that my problems have nothing to do with it.

[shine-reblogs]

Submachine Legacy: additional commentary (Monoliths, Shattered Quadrant, and other details)

Apparently I am NOT done talking about this game, lol. To see me talking about the main levels + optional ruins, check my previous post. Beware of spoilers.

General comments

I must comment on the map/menu/however this is called because I noticed (rather late) on my going back and forth the details literally surrounding each level. Namely, how level 3 and 'break the loop' are in the middle a spiral, I assume to symbolize the loopy nature of the locations. Level 6 is in the middle of an octagon, kind of like a shield, which goes well with it being the defence systems of the Submachine. Level 7 lays in the middle of many more concentrical circles, which I'm guessing has to do something about it being the Core of the Submachine. And level 8 rests against seven parallel lines, which goes nicely with you jumping through the seven main layers in that level.

I may be, once again, reading too much into details, but I think it makes enough sense and I like it. Kind of wondering now if level 9 shouldn't have something special about it too as the Knot.

Anyway.

Monoliths/Secrets

So, I was right in the end that we'll have to come back to this with the navigator, but wrong in the we actually can't take the navigator with us and must jump back and forth between levels (so much going back and forth). Anyway, this gives us new tidbits of Submachine lore (which is nice).

This goes on in the Lighthouse. Love how the fact that different versions of the game exist is being incorporated to the lore.

Finally figured how this one worked out. Turns out in the end the Loop did have a layer coordinate thingy (which I started suspecting when I didn't find one at level 7 either) it just was hidden as a secret. Kind of a pity, since I liked the idea of loops being something that maybe existed outside/beyond layers maybe. It's not like I had a lot of time to think about this/develop it into a proper theory, so it's not like I was super attached to it either, so it's fine.

Lots of portals but no notes in level 4 (that I remember, I binge-played the unlocking Monoliths and it's kinda blurry what is from what level. Should have named the screenshots, lol). BUT! We finally can unlock that door from Sub4, which was satisfying.

Level 5 is as in 4, meaning no notes found. But again, I like how you could finally see what was behind that closed door though!

Lots of goodies in level 6! It was nice to get extra content while also keeping the 'secret' notes we had in the originals. Go hunting lore.

I love this. I love the note talking about the significance of 32 when it's something we've all collectively lost our minds about. I love this xD

Here we got the same notes we did in the originals, but as a matter of fact I did not remember the one screenshot here and WHAT?! If I weren't so sleepy right now I'd be talking about it probably (as it is I am surprised I can write anything with a semblance of coherence right now, may my insomnia fuck off and leave me alone).

I'm gonna be very honest, I needed the help of the very kind people making guides on Steam for this because I had all the secrets but couldn't figure out how to access the secret room (previously I got the opposite problem, could access the portals but didn't have the secrets to power them). The notes are the same that we had in the originals.

And last but not least level 10, were I thought there was only one secret area but there were two! I thought it wa really cool that you use the pearls and stone cubes for this.

The notes here seem to be more or less the same as the originals, but thw wording has been changed some and we're also being teased about the Engine which has me vibrating.

All in all, nice little extras! Shattered Quadrant will come in the reblogs when I get to play it (yes I know I'm slow playing. Do not judge me)

[freezingwhitefire]

Once again, tumblr first and ao3 second. Here is day 2's fic for whumptober. Warnings for ptsd issues, insomnia (referenced not really happening here), bad self care and coping habits. If I need to add more warnings please let me know, it's almost 1:30 am when I post this and I have no idea what warnings I need to include beyond those right now.

It would be like saying Wind was familiar with water to say Time knew where they were. When they’d exited the portal his heart leapt to his throat and it was all he could do to walk forwards, following behind Warriors who had gone for the nearest and biggest town. Everything around them was painfully familiar, a sight he had seen so very often for months if not longer. His eye trailed over the familiar buildings, numb to the people that were equally familiar to him. The soft murmurs that followed the group went unnoticed as Time felt his shoulders tense, the urge to haunch down and make himself smaller was only something to fight against.

“Hey, it looks like there is an inn ahead.” Warriors commented.

“Finally! I am looking forward to a nice warm bath.” Legend replied.

Wind nodded his agreement and Time felt a smile spread across his face at their enthusiasm even as he felt even more separated from the group. He noticed how Twilight was shooting him a concerned look and gave him a questioning look in response.

“Do you think it’s safe to stop here?”

No. “It should be fine. I doubt there is anything that will attack us here in town.”

It wouldn’t. The Skull Kid knew better by now, he’d at least tried to help his friend with that, and with the Mask no longer possessed the only one they might have to worry about was the thief and if any of them ran afoul of him they should know better. Time didn’t say any of that though, instead he tried to make his smile more reassuring, wanting to ease Twilight’s concern.

"They worry for you."

"They shouldn’t."

"Why?"

Time had nothing to say in reply to that question and simply focused on getting to the room that Warriors managed to arrange for them. His gear was set aside, his armor removed and Time settled to tend to it before he left to do something else. As he worked he kept a partial eye on the others hearing their plans. Hyrule felt the Great Fairy and was going to visit her. He knew usually he would go as well but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to get up.

Warriors wanted to see what shops were available and Wind chimed that he would go with him. Sky and Four were going to look for a smithy so Four could make some repairs to Sky’s shield and they might be able to stock up on some of those supplies. Twilight and Wild were going to find somewhere to buy food, probably also medical supplies if they could, Time wanted to tell them the best place for those was outside the town in the swamp but that would lead to questions… much like telling Four and Sky to head for the mountains would. Instead he forced himself to focus on his armor while doing his best to ignore the looks being sent his way.

Even Legend was watching him with concern and Time wanted to laugh at him. The veteran was seeing what always worried them about his own behavior it seemed. When the others all finally left, Time set his armor aside. There was a small voice in his head that told him to put it on before he left but Time ignored that voice, determined to stay relatively unnoticed which the metal would not allow. The path to the deck on the roof was familiar though he hadn’t traveled it in years. Climbing up on top of the higher roof was less familiar and had once only been a passing thought. Now he was able to get up there and to settle where he could watch over most of the town.

The sight of the moon high above the tower was familiar. Far more familiar than he wanted to admit it was. Time’s right hand started to play with the strap of his left gauntlet, it was one of the few signs he allowed of how stressed he felt just being here. It reminded him of how snappish Legend typically got when they pressed him for information on his home. Maybe he should do that if they asked, the thought brought a small smile to his face.

"You would regret it."

"Probably, but it might get the looks to stop."

He knew it wouldn’t. Besides the others would be looking for him soon, no doubt wanting to drag him around to share what they found in their exploring. The idea of being shown places here, of having places he distinctly remembered visiting hundreds of times, being shown to him as new places made his throat burn and his stomach clench. The part he felt most nauseous about was that he couldn’t tell them ‘no’ without explaining that this was his nightmare… well one of his nightmares, and then having to explain about that.

His ears twitched as he caught some of the boys returning to the inn and he checked his travel pouch to see if he still had all of his masks with him. It felt stupid to hide from them but Time also knew that if he was with the boys right now they would notice something being off, so very off, and he couldn’t bring himself to ruin their excitement more than he already had. Once he was sure none of them were where they could see him, Time dropped to the ground level at the top of the stairs between the inn and the milk bar. He quickly slipped on the mask for entry and entered the milk bar. As he slipped through the door he heard the familiar ticking and tolling of the tower’s clock. It was disorienting for a moment to hear it and not have it followed by the reminder that he had to hurry.

Inside the bar things blurred a little, he knew he got a couple of drinks and that he settled in a safe corner, one he had seen less than a dozen times unlike almost everywhere else in this kingdom. His hand shook slightly as he drank, that stood out to him and he almost wondered why when he heard it, the tolling of the Clock Tower bell, it was midnight. His breath caught as his heart leapt into his throat. Nausea seemed to crash through him and Time nearly sobbed as he remembered the time he had just watched, waiting for everything to fade away and vanish.

The bell kept tolling.

He could hear a voice reminding him that they needed to hurry.

It was too much.

He had to get out.

After paying for the drinks he’d gotten, Time left the bar. In fact he slipped out of the town. It was easy for him to find the direction he wanted to go in, and he hurried that way, heedless of the eyes of the guard on his back. He was completely oblivious to the trail he left for someone with far keener senses to follow once the others realized he wasn’t returning in a timely manner like usual.

"Where are you going?"

The question was asked with genuine concern and love, but after dealing with so many memories just sitting in a chair in a room he’d seen less than a dozen times, Time didn’t want to answer. Instead once he reached the field he turned and hurried towards a place he knew he could get away from the lively and well meaning eyes. High above the moon loomed, it was a night he wouldn’t sleep anyways… he never did sleep well on full moons, and this one… well he tried not to look up. It would be worse than that time he’d seen one of Wild’s Blood Moons by accident. Just thinking about it almost drew his gaze towards the sky and the moon glowing brightly there.

As he reached the canyon, Time remembered a ‘game’ where he could fight the harder monsters of the land. It sounded like a great exercise while he dealt with his sleeplessness… he really was turning into Legend, finding something like this to get away from memories and explaining them to the others who just wanted to help. It brought a new sympathy for the Veteran even if it would not help prevent him from asking him questions again the next time he saw him trying similar. Turning to the waterfall below the cliff that led into the deadened land full of ghosts Time easily made his way into the cave. There was the ghost that seemed to delight in making those fights possible, sitting there on his ledge while laughing to himself periodically.

“What do you need to keep the fights going?” He asked, earning what he guessed was a surprised look from the ghost who then laughed delighted at his question. Time supposed that since he visited as a child the ghost hadn’t had many if any guests. “I am not interested in prizes, just in fighting.”

“Go on in, I’ll ask for the price when you reach the end of the current group.”

Time nodded and crossed the platforms to the first room. As he entered he decided to limit himself to the gilded sword and his bow. Those would be plenty to deal with these enemies again. In the back of his mind Time could sense the concern of the Deity that kept an eye on him but he ignored that. Maybe if he got tired enough he would be able to rest.

As he fought Time lost track of time, he had been through all of the rooms at least three times. His arms ached, his back burned a little from where one of the poes had gotten lucky, and there were small cuts all over his arms and legs from where he’d deliberately waited until the last possible moment to dodge away from them. It was only when he left the final room again that he noticed a new figure on one of the platforms. The wolf was giving him a look of silent hurt and worry.

Time tilted his head as though asking what he was doing there but instead of transforming the wolf waited for him to approach him. Once he got close enough Wolfie caught his arm loosely with his mouth and started to tug him towards the entrance to the cave.

“I don’t remember saying I was done.”

"Please."

The request from the Deity caused him to pause and Time sighed before reluctantly following Wolfie towards the entrance of the cave. He glanced towards where the ghost had been and saw that he wasn’t there. It seemed that was the last fight he was to have here this visit anyways. Once outside he saw that Wolfie was looking around a bit uncertainly, and huffed rolling his eye.

“Really? You didn’t pay attention while you came to find me?”

Wolfie whined, his ears flattening against his head while both his head and tail lowered.

"Easy child, don’t say something you will regret later."

He wouldn’t. Twilight didn’t deserve his temper after all… not when he was truly angry with himself. Sighing heavily Time picked the wolf up, cuddling him a little as he hopped over a fence. It wouldn’t be high enough to give Twilight trouble in either form but it was as close to an apology as he could muster right then. Wolfie seemed to understand and peered around without fighting to get free from Time’s hold.

“I take it that the others are still at the inn?”

That earned him a huff and a nod that turned into an exaggerated roll of the head. Time smiled faintly, grateful that Twilight realized he wasn’t mad at him. Still he wondered if he owed him something in return for coming to find him. The Deity would likely approve of it, and after he had spent the last… he glanced towards the sky for a moment… five and three fourths hours ignoring him while he was telling him to stop or to use some other weapons to fight with perhaps Time owed him something too.

“I knew I wouldn’t sleep, and figured I would try to deal with… some feelings being here left me with.” The hostility mainly, none of the boys deserved his hostility, and Termina left him numb or angry. It may have helped the others if they knew he had been here before, that he was dealing with so many memories of repeatedly failing and losing and restarting everything over and over again, but that meant having to explain about it while in the middle of the worst of those memories.

Wolfie huffed and bumped his head against Time’s cheek. Time blinked at him and saw sympathy in those blue eyes. He narrowed his own eye at the wolf.

“You tell the others about where you found me and I will dump you in a swamp, got it?” Wolfie gave him a disbelieving look just before Time set him down. “You might want to change back, I have a quick stop to make before I join you all at the inn again.”

Wolfie whined and gave him a softly wounded look. Time gave him his best unimpressed look. Huffing at it Wolfie shifted back to Twilight and his descendant shook his head a bit, trying to resettle back in his Hylian form.

“What’s the stop?”

“I planned to go clean up, unless you think Wind would like to see me in this state?”

Twilight gave him a once over before wincing. Clearly his descendant agreed that he should go clean up.

“Is that a burn I smelled?”

“Probably. The place I am heading has some fairies nearby, I’ll ask if they would be willing to heal me.”

“Are you sure I can’t keep you company?”

“Twilight, if you were sent after me then the others are not resting. Just go let them know I am okay and will be back soon.”

Time had to admit his tone was sharper than he intended and seeing the flinch Twilight tried to hide would make him feel horribly guilty by the time he got back to the inn. It was something he was grateful for honestly. Anything that kept him from that numb remembrance of earlier would be a pleasure to deal with.

“Okay… just, come back safely?”

“I will, now go on.”

He waited until Twilight had actually gone more than halfway to Clock Town before turning to find the little grotto with a pond and a fairy hiding in it. As he cleaned up his cuts and the like Time wondered what to expect once he got back, and if he would be able to find rest today like he failed to do the night before.

“You got away with the crime while the knife is in my back…” he didn’t know where it had come from but the thought seemed to fit. It fit the entire situation all too well. Skull Kid had recovered from the possession, Majora had won so many times, and yet it was Time that was hurting the most from it all. It was Time that was so deeply wounded from what had happened. “I don’t wanna live like this.”

 As he said that his hands came up and tangled into his hair. When he pulled a little a small chime drew him from his thoughts, from the memories and the pain associated with them. Blinking he noticed a little fairy in front of him.

“Hello.” He greeted her, offering his hand for her to rest on. She sat with her wings fluttering a little while watching him curiously. “Would you be willing to help heal some wounds I have?”

That got a happy chime and she bobbed up and down before flying around him. The magic was cool and soothing, helping to distract him from his memories as well as from what he was about to walk into. There was no way that the others would be satisfied with him not answering some of their questions, even if he had no intention of actually answering them. Maybe that was the real reason Twilight had been sent to find him.

"You know better than that."

He did. Time closed his eye and tilted his head back.

“Thank you little one.”

The fairy chimed before returning to her hiding place so she could recover from healing him. He ran a hand over his face while trying to think about what he needed to say or do. It didn’t really process through his mind properly and he knew he would just have to go and hope for the best. Standing he groaned, all the aches from the extended fighting seemed to want his attention all at once. Time ruefully admitted to himself that he couldn’t spend hours on end fighting and not experience the consequences anymore. The trek back to the inn was peaceful, as long as he ignored the slow lightening of the town and its surroundings. They threatened to drag him back into memories best forgotten.

“I know you said he would be back, but he should have been back by- Time!” Warriors exclaimed, his eyes scanning over Time in search of injuries. Time crossed his arms and tilted his head, silently demanding to know if Warriors was done with his fussing. “We worried when you were still gone after mid-watch.”

“I left to do some exploring of my own.”

“At night?” Legend asked, confused. His expression showed concern about the answer they had been given.

“What, are you suddenly the only person allowed to leave to explore in the dark?” Time asked, his tone slightly sharper than usual. He remembered to control it seeing Twilight standing in the middle of the room looking concerned.

“I think-” Legend started, approaching Time as though he wanted to corner him and demand to know more.

“Time was out late, we should let him sleep a little.” Four cut in, no doubt catching the way Time’s shoulders had shifted slightly to a more defensive set.

“I agree with Four. Let’s explore the town more. Sky, you mentioned that you wanted to spend today resting so how about you stay with Time?” Warriors suggested, trying to keep the peace.

Time shrugged as he stepped around Legend and Warriors to enter the room. He moved to the bed that still had his pack on it. It didn’t take him long to remove his boots and curl up on the bed in a way that said plainly that he did not want anyone to settle close to him. He didn’t want to feel their warmth, didn’t feel he deserved the comfort, and didn’t think he would actually go to sleep. Sky settled in the chair that had been set nearby then started playing something on his harp. The music combined with his eyes being closed lulled Time to sleep without him really realizing it.

How long he slept Time didn’t fully realize upon waking. Though that was likely due to the way he woke up, the door slamming open and Legend stalking into the room. He was glaring fiercely at Time and Sky was sending him an alarmed look. Time made a small gesture to keep Sky from saying anything suspecting he knew what was causing Legend to react like he was. It seemed he had been right to demand Twilight tell the others nothing.

“Where were you last night?”

“I already said where. I was out exploring.”

“Exploring? You seem to know where we are better than Wolfie does!”

“What is your point?”

“My point is we’re a team, we need to trust one another.”

“I do trust you, otherwise I wouldn’t have been sleeping.” Time pointed out.

Legend shook his head. “That is not what I mean.”

“Then I fail to see your point.”

"My point is you have to trust us."

“Trust you? Or do you mean trust everyone in the group?”

“All of us.”

“No.” Not with this. No matter how disappointed it may make the Deity that helped him so many times in the past.

“Come on, you have to trust us!”

"Coming from you? Really?"

Legend recoiled a little, his hands clenching anxiously at his sides.

"Listen, I know I'm not the best example-"

That was it. Time sat up abruptly, his hand slicing out in a sharp gesture.

"You're the best example... of what to never do!"

"Hey, you two break it up!"

Sky finally got involved and Time both wanted to hug him and to yell at him to go away. He did neither and instead pointed sharply at Legend, who had disturbed his nap.

"I was perfectly fine before he came in here and wanted to have a heart to heart. Send him to speak with the Traveler if he wants to talk about feelings so much."

That had not helped the worry and upset on Sky’s face. Sky shook his head.

"Enough! Please, just... enough. Please?"

The soft plea in that word seemed to linger for a moment. Time felt guilt but it seemed to wash away a little quicker than he wanted it to. Instead silence filled the room. At last he turned away, his shoulders curling in slightly as he tried to make himself smaller while still signaling that he was done with the conversation. It was one of those times he wished he was able to just leave or to hide in one of the small nooks he knew were around.

"I don't know what it is about this place that has you so on edge, and I know you don't want to share, but please... give me something?"

The gentle request from Sky seemed to get through something, some snarl of emotion and memory that lurked inside of Time. He slumped and leaned forwards to bury his face in his hands. Legend was walking closer and without thinking about it Time hissed at him, his one eye glaring at the younger hero in warning.

“Vet, out. Go find Warriors or one of the others.”

“But-”

“I know you want to help but not right now.”

Legend’s shoulders slumped but he obliged, quietly closing the door behind him. Once it was shut and the two of them heard steps moving away from the door Sky turned back to Time.

“So?”

“... I was here for one of my adventures.” Time admitted, his fingertips brushing over the marks on his cheek as he stared blankly across the room. “I was stuck repeating everything over, and over, and over… I… I want to leave. Please Sky?” Time paused and looked at Sky, not realizing that his eye had tears forming in it. “Can we please leave here? I don’t care where else we go, just-”

Sky said nothing and instead simply hugged him. Time shuddered and clung to the knight. He shook harder when he felt fingers running through his hair and then Sky started singing something under his breath, probably some ancient song he’d learned during his journey. Whatever it was Time felt his shoulders slowly relaxing and the tears that he’d denied for so long, that he hadn’t realized still existed after he’d become numb to the pain this whole place caused him, soaked into Sky’s tunic.

Some time later Time became aware of a weight across his legs and something soft tucked around his shoulders. He felt lighter, but still a bit distant from everything. Still a glance told him Wolfie was sleeping on his legs while Warriors’ scarf was tucked around him and Sky both.

“Feeling better?”

“A bit.” Time nodded.

“I’m glad, you should drink some water.”

“Yeah…” Time took the water-skin from Sky and slowly, cautiously drank from it. It was halfway empty when he stopped and slumped against Sky again. “Sorry.”

“It must be difficult.”

“Hmm?”

“Being somewhere that hurt you so deeply.”

Time shrugged then he tensed, realizing that Wolfie laying on him meant the others had been there.

“I told them it was your choice what to share but you were dealing with some old memories that this place brought up.”

That was true, but didn’t explain everything. Time felt absurdly grateful for Sky and his way of helping him with this. His eye ached and exhaustion was setting in again but he didn’t want to sleep. Sleep meant there was a chance for nightmares and this place was a nightmare already.

“They are going to ask for more…” Time murmured, shifting a bit but Sky tightened his arms around Time before he could get too far.

“Time, you always tell us that our past is ours to share or not as we will. It is enough to know this place brings up unresolved memories for you.”

“I hurt them…”

“Not really. We have all been more worried than hurt. Remember when Legend didn’t want to tell us why he wouldn’t go into that one town?”

“What about it?”

“Were you hurt? He snapped at you more than the rest of us.”

“Not really. I was worrie- oh.”

“Yes, oh.” Sky chuckled and leaned his head against Time’s. “Even if they were hurt I think all of us forgive you. I am pretty sure we have all snapped at you because of rough memories in the past. We can spare a little forgiveness for you returning the favor.”

“... I thought maybe exhausting myself would let me rest.” Time admitted. He noticed the confused look on Sky’s face and gave a small shrug before tilting his head towards Wolfie. “When he found me I was at a place where I could just fight ghosts of monsters without hurting anything other than myself. I… told him not to say anything.”

“That was really smart honestly. Say, do you want some company other than me?”

“If you want to go do something else, go ahead. I might just try to sleep again.”

“Okay, well I will leave Wolfie here with you. Wild was saying something about trying to make honey cakes or something like that and I have the feeling you would rather have something else right now.” Sky shifted Time and the scarf as he spoke so that Time was laying on the bed with the scarf tucked gently around him, a reminder that he was loved.

“Sky?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Sky smiled at him as he left the room and Time sighed, slowly relaxing to sleep again. As he’d expected nightmares haunted his sleep, the ticking sound getting stronger and louder while he saw moonglow lighting everything and the face of the moon seemed to leer at him. It taunted him that he failed again and again. Time sat up with a gasp, his eye flitting over everything without really taking it in. A wet nose pressed to his cheek followed by a soft puff of warm air. Time blinked and looked at Wolfie, the soft look in the wolf’s eyes seemed to reach the same place Sky’s question earlier had. Time sighed and leaned against Wolfie, his arm wrapping around him.

Wolfie took that as permission and laid down on top of him completely. Time smothered a laugh as he realized the room was dark and his internal clock told him it was about two in the morning. It didn’t seem to matter though since Warriors appeared and gave Wolfie a stern look. Time gave his brother a slightly wounded look, his arms wrapping around Wolfie protectively.

“You had us worried, Sprite.” Warriors commented, crouching down to run his fingers through Time’s hair. His voice was quiet but not in the way it would be if he was worried about not waking the others. Time blinked before looking around the room. “If you’re dealing with rough memories in the future, please just tell one of us?”

“No promises.”

Warriors’ shoulders slumped in disappointment at that.

“I honestly didn’t realize just how… how it would hit.” He knew it would be bad but not how bad.

“I almost thought somehow you and Legend swapped bodies or something.” Warriors commented, his tone forced to a pitch that sounded joking.

“Hey!” Legend squawked in indignation at that.

Time shook with laughter and felt Wolfie also shaking with mirth.

“Well he isn’t wrong. You’re usually the moody snappy one.” Hyrule commented brightly, sitting up now that Legend had revealed they were all awake.

“It was scary hearing Time snapping at you like that.” Wind commented, leaning against Four’s side while Four looked around the room to check everything.

“Did he deserve it though?”

“He definitely deserved it.” Warriors replied, a grin on his face.

“Agreed, he was trying to demand Time share stuff.”

“Legend!” Hyrule sounded scolding and Time blinked in surprise. He looked at Wolfie who seemed content to watch this.

“What? He was being all secretive and everything.”

“So? You do that all the time when we end up in your era.”

“That’s different!”

Wild slipped over to the chair next to Time’s bed and held his slate out where Time could see a selection of food that Wild had prepared for when he woke up. His eye burned with tears again, seeing the worried look Wild gave him Time smiled and shook his head. He raised his hands where Wild could see them, the others focused on Legend arguing a little with Hyrule and Warriors to notice.

“Overwhelmed.”

Wild nodded then tapped his cheek in a pattern Time learned to recognize as a way Wild said he loved them.

“You need food.”

“Fish?”

Wild looked at his slate then scrolled until he found something before some rice balls and a fish skewer appeared. He set the rice balls where Time could grab them before handing him the skewer. Time started eating and was mostly finished with the fish when he realized that the three that had been arguing were playing some sort of card game while Wind was giving seemingly random directions. Sky and Four were watching them and laughing. Wolfie was watching them but didn’t seem to want to move from pinning Time down, and Wild was ignoring them to make sure Time didn’t need anything else.

Time hummed once he finished the fish and was about to try to sleep more but Wild poked him to prevent it. Time growled softly at Wild but the other hero just grinned and shoved a rice ball into Time’s hand. 

“Eat, you’ll have more energy.”

“Maybe I would be up to moving if I didn’t have a weighted blanket pinning me.”

The words were meant to be teasing, but Time was just tired and numb enough they lacked the usual playful tone. Wolfie’s ears tilted back and he moved off of Time. Time sighed and put his hand on Wolfie’s shoulder to keep him from going too far. He sat up and thought about what he should say compared to what he wanted to say. At last he looked at the others, noticing how they were all doing their best to ignore him until he was ready to speak.

“I have been here before. It was… before I ended up in the Captain’s era. It was difficult…” Time paused then he huffed, he wouldn’t really allow that sort of comment to be left alone so he picked his next words carefully. “I was stuck in a time loop here. I have no idea how long it lasted, but by the time I left I just didn’t want to care or have others care. When you see the same people forget meeting you over and over and over again…”

Before Time could say more he was yanked from the bed and wrapped in a tight hug by Wind, Legend, Warriors, Sky and Four. He tensed but relaxed as they started murmuring reassurances to him about not forgetting him and being so glad that he had given them a chance.

“I just got to where I reacted with anger or…”

“Or you didn’t.” Legend filled in, suddenly understanding. Time felt the Veteran’s arms tighten around him and finally relaxed a little. They had heard enough to understand, and maybe some day he would tell them more.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you all. Also for just leaving like that.”

“It’s… well a note would have been nice, but I think I can say that we all understand.” Warriors said, his voice kind and gentle.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, but don’t think this means we won’t be dragging you out of here to look around. We have found maybe half of what we were looking for after all.”

Time’s shoulders shook with laughter. He felt so relieved that it was almost like he was floating and the warm arms around him were keeping him tethered to the others, keeping him safe. Tiny hands tugging on his hair caused him to look to see Hyrule weaving a small braid into the golden strands. All of it reassured him that the others understood and forgave him.

“Tomorrow we can go to the blacksmith or the potion shop. You can pick.”

“Not both?”

“One is in the mountains while the other is in the swamp.”

“You weren’t joking about dumping me in a swamp, huh?”

Time was shaking with laughter again at the confusion that comment caused. He shook his head. “There really is a swamp here, sorry pup.”

“Well as long as I can trust you not to just dump me into the water I suppose it’s fine.”

“I promise, I won’t dump you into the water without a good reason to.”

“Okay.”

As everyone settled it took Time a moment to realize that they had moved most of the blankets and pillows to the middle of the floor. It took him an almost embarrassingly long time to realize that he felt even more relieved by that since it let him feel them being around him. As soon as those things settled in his mind Time felt his body relax almost completely and he drifted towards sleep. His last thought before he went back to sleep was that perhaps swapping roles in things with Legend wasn’t too bad after all just as long as it didn’t happen too often.