#also my sister's been talking to some ugly creepy guy who apparently goes to that school. hoping she drops him and i never have to see him

[fardf150]

start school in a week im going to throw uppppp

[calleo-bricriu]

Why do I keep doing this?

It’s nearly over, there are fewer than 100 pages left in the horrid thing after this one.

((Oh also, these few chapter contain a hell of a lot of really casual racism mostly against Native Americans and whatever “half-breeds” are, because that’s not specified.))

Okay, chapter 18 starts with finding out that the stroke didn't kill Mother it did, of course, exactly what Mizpra wanted: Left her a mostly paralysed invalid.

Despite that, she's written as still being pretty mentally lucid, just not physically capable of doing much but being propped up in a chair facing a window. Now somehow she's being called "The mother of Leigh" instead of Mrs. Newcomber.

Anyway, she's staring out the window, occasionally being annoyed by the fact that her nurse is a "strange and harsh woman" and how she's a toy of Mizpra's now somehow.

It's also somehow "perverted" of Mizpra to let her mother reminisce about when she was younger but okay.

Watching birds is supposed to make one cry; I'm guessing mabye I watch birds incorrectly because, while interesting, I've never really felt any sort of urge to cry over them.

Mizpra evidently thinks, "partially paralysed from a stroke" means "also deaf" and is now always written shouting right into her mother's ear. Also, she was sick of her mother watching birds because "the mist will soon commence to fall" whatever that means.

Back to insulting Mizpra again, "With her energy, moral palsy, masculine effrontery, and unbridled control of a large fortune, she moved the men and women around her." He's writing that like it's a bad thing.

I mean, it'd be a lot easier to dislike her if he focused on the things she's done rather than the fact that the author just thinks she's a little too "masculine" because, really, by this point we know she stripped down a teenage girl in front of her class to berate her about wearing corsets, married a guy just because he knew how to use a typewriter, and planned her mother's stroke and had the thought of, "It'd be super inconvenient if she dies but whatever, I'll make it work if that happens." You know, legitimate reasons to dislike someone.

"There was not enough of sex instinct in her to enjoy being flattered as a woman," well, who the hell could blame her? Flatter her based on the abilities she's shown, none of which are remotely terrible (by modern standards at any rate).

The author doesn't seem to think highly of women as doctors either because the first one described is, "one of the big-footed, short-haired kind" you know, manly.

Oh, but, "a mild sort of fellow-feeling--not womanly--brought about business arrangements between Mizpra and the female physician."

This is such an exhausting book to read; no wonder so few copies still exist, even in reprint. Normally, I can’t get enough of getting my hands on and reading rare books that only have one or two copies still left anywhere but this? This one is a harsh reminder that some books may actually be better off eventually fading completely from anyone’s memory.

"The older inhabitants of the surrounding country had become interested in Mizpra. The Spaniards, Mexicans, half-breeds, and Indians, all bigoted and ignorant, were now singing her praises." I'm--pretty sure the only bigoted and ignorant one here is the author.

MOVING ON.

Oh look, someone brought her one of her Genius Brother's books: "Insanity in the Adolescent Caused by Religious Rites and Mysticism in the Catholic Church," by Leigh Newcomber, M.D.

There's also a typo in the book that the editor apparently missed, "It had been a distressing day for Mizpra, and she was ugly in mood, and agitated in feeelings."

Feeelings.

""I saw a pretty Indian girl to-day. I'll have as many as--" at this moment the blood rushed to her heavy cheeks and her hands and feet began to feel cold. She grasped the back of a chair to steady herself for a moment, then strode to the bed to throw herself down upon it."

Well, that came out of nowhere. Pun intended.

So now she's going to pretend she's Catholic and devote her time and money to teaching "the Indian and half-breed girls". I'm just going to assume she's moved beyond stabbing sleeping men with scarf pins and is moving on to--that.

Ordinarily, that wouldn't be all that off-putting sounding if not for the use of the term "half-breed" and girls. Girls--that often indicates that they're not adults.

Anyway, she gets a telegram presumably from Rev. Bald indicating he's ruined Leigh's life but, since I've read the previous chapters and the author is about as predictable as the tides, I'm going to assume Leigh sent the telegram and is planning a surprise visit.

Oh look, more casual racism: "An Indian lad, a protege of Father Francisco, arrived at the house with a note from that priest. He was a fine specimen of his race; lithe, bright-eyed, and cunning." He also doesn't like Mizpra, probably because she keeps calling people half-breeds and savages.

Wonderful! He even talks in a perfectly stereotypical racist manner, "Big bone squaw. Too much talk. Want chief."

So, she asks when "the woman" arrived at the priest's house, he answers, "Yes, bad squaw come."

Which makes her angry because he apparently said it in a defiant tone so she grabbed him and demands he explain why she's bad and if he doesn't she'll have him flogged.

I can't exactly parse the racist as hell way he's writing this kid but it seems something to do with an Indian who converts to Catholicism gets salvation?  

So Mizpra slaps him because that's a rational reaction but then he keeps talking and I have no idea what the hell is going on, "Indian boy understand. He white squaw no Christ squaw; Indian boy no white papoose. He squaw, look out."

He leaves, no further explanation, time skp three days later from "Rev. Bald" who basically details what Bald had intended to do but ended up getting tag teamed by Leigh and a prostitute. So, definitely Leigh writing that letter. I mean it also said that Mops was poisoned (diphtheria, for the last. fucking. time. infects you; the bacteria can produce toxins, which are what can cause the range of symptoms, some of which can be fatal, so unless you're just injecting the produced C. diphtheriae toxins right into someone, you are not poisoning anyone by exposing them to diphtheria, you are infecting them and I know that seems like semantics but the author is a doctor and should know better than to think infect and poison are the same thing) and died.

Anyway, Mizpra believes the letter is from Rev. Bald, so I'm sure that'll end well for her.

"Mizpra had but one thought, one passion now; that was, to wallow in her perverted pleasures to the saturating point of satiety." All right.

Chapter 19 begins with "The reader has probably already surmised from the letter received by Mizpra that Bald had recovered."

In the sense that he wasn't dead, yeah, I guess.

Leigh told the hospital Bald was hit by a trolley car and Bald is just, "Well, since I can't remember what happened, that must be correct!"

So Leigh shows up the next day because Rev. Bald is his patient and the first thing the author does is write something creepy in the narrative, "Leigh now noticed a distinct refinement in Bald's features. he was pale, and the whilom sensuous lips had lost some of their grossness."

Who--thinks like that? So he sits there watching Bald sleep for awhile then leaves after leaving some magazines and "a basket of luscious fruit".

Weirdo.

Nurse starts in with some story about how Leigh lost his wealth or something, then Leigh shows up again and Bald immediately goes turncoat on Mizpra.

So Leigh decides that Mizpra is "undoubtedly mentally ill" and "he would see her placed where she could no longer do injury to herself o rothers."

And they’re headed to California; of course, Leigh had Bald write the telegram and letter to tell Mizpra her plan went off flawlessly.

Predictable writing.

Leigh insists the issue is that Mizpra is insane, not a criminal, and that she's "not responsible for her actions". I mean, mentally ill or not, she's still responsible for her own actions unless someone else is forcing her hand, which they are not. That's been made clear.

Only about 100 pages left, thank everything.

Now they're talking about one of the other sisters, the older one who married a lawyer. That turned into a rambling story about how the lawyer "misappropriated" funds and somehow that landed them under having to get an allowance from Mizpra.

Chapter 20 appears to be Leigh is Stressed and Wants a Drink.

Manages to get home without doing that and apparently Obera's only method of showing support is to just fling herself around and cry.

"Leigh went to work instantly to eliminate the poison which his faulty nervous system had allowed to accumulate in his body and thus produce a self-intoxication." ...what?

He calls Dr. Bell to come and write something to Bald and Leigh has to be whiny about it, "Well, I don't believe you or any other man can understand what I suffer."

Please stop being 13 at some point, Leigh, you are an adult.

Now he's relating his life to Poe's stories and needs to stop--but I guess this book is where the whole "psychic incubus" thing came from because he's talking about one now.

And that sort of drifted in to him rambling incessantly about Edgar Allen Poe and how Leigh is just like that, only with more friends and less good writing, I guess.

I might have added the last two things.

Dr. Bell insists on heading out to California with Bald and Leigh and that's the end of that chapter.

It was 85% Leigh rambling on about Edgar Allen Poe while saying very little about him and just sort of quoting random bits of his work.

No surprise the author of the book had a weird obsession with the same thing.

[purple-moonlights-blog]

STRAY KIDS 10th MEMBER AU

INTRODUCTION

This AU is heavily inspired by @k-llama-llama ! If you don’t know her I highly suggest checking out her blog, she and her writings are really sweet (also some good drama just started in her AU). 🌸

I’m not 100% sure where I’m going with this AU, so please feel free to request and suggest what could happen. I really want to take in ideas from people who are interested in the story. Don’t be shy loves! ♥︎ 

☾☼ 

Btw. I didn’t use her name until the very end because my dumb ass forgot to give her a name.

Also, in this scenario, Stray Kids themselves aren’t very present since it didn’t really fit. However, I promise that next time will be a lot of Stray Kids content! 

▸ Check out the Profile HERE

▸ Request for the AU HERE

▸ MASTERLIST

Words: 2342

Warnings: Swearing?⎮ And weird grammar and spelling mistakes, English is not my native language⎮

I. NEW 〈NOVA〉

(gif not mine)

With her eyebrows knitted together and her upper-lip slightly twisted up, an expression her friend David stated to be her “trying to be polite but can’t help but judge“ look - or in other words, her being a twat visage - she stared at the man, probably in his mid-thirties, in front of her. 

For the past five minutes he spoke very fast and in a very strong Satoori accent, she had difficulties to understand, and thereby wildly gesticulate with his arms. The longer he talked the more he began to sweat and looked noticeably more nervous. She wasn’t intentionally trying to be rude by not saying a word the whole time, even though she was more than once encouraged to respond to his rambling. However, due to her having a hard time progressing what he was saying - her Korean might be quite good, thanks to her mum compelling her and her brothers too Korean lesson since the early beginnings of their childhood, yet she only learned standard Korean - and immediately doubting what he was saying to be true, she kept her mouth shut until she had a clear picture of what was going on. From what she could grasp, the man was responsible to recruit trainees for entertainment companies, which in the end should turn them in successful idols, that bring big profits and put the companies into positive spotlights. 

He explained that he was from JYP and that Park Jinyoung personally placed in order, after allegedly seeing a video of a street performance of her dancing and singing, to track her down and convince her to audition for his company. He further explained that JYP - the company - planned to form an idol group in the upcoming month of October through a survival show and JYP - the person - wanted her in it because she would in his opinion fit perfectly into the concept. 

Bullocks, she instantly thought when he told her that. 

She didn’t believe a word coming from his mouth. Yes, it was true that she appeared in multiple videos of street performances that are posted on YouTube, however, she was neither an outstanding dancer nor a Whitney Huston, at least in her opinion. The more he talked the more it sounded like the plot of a Wattpad fanfiction and as the result of her distinct sense of reality, which often came across as her being pessimistic, she knew stuff like that doesn’t happen in real life. It’s called Fan Fiction after all.  

The whole story sounded like a lie somebody, who kidnaps young girls and boys for human trafficking by exploiting their naivety and their dreams to make it big once, would tell. By that, she suddenly remembered her 14 years old cousin Junsuh conspiracy theory rant about the Korean entertainment industries. Two weeks ago she visited her relatives in Ilsan, where her Junshu, as usually, didn’t stop talking. According to Junsuh, the industry is through and through corrupt - a single stronghold of prostitution rings, human trafficking, child exploitation and even religious cults and a secret origination that controls the whole south of Korea. 

Even though Junsuh tends to get carried away with his theories - she strongly doubted, that one of the big three companies (he refused to tell which one) pays a religious cult to use black magic on the public, so they will only buy the albums of their artists - however, that it wasn’t only glamorous and that pressure and hard work take big role in the idols life, wasn’t a secret. 

Earning her livelihood through music has always been a dream for her. From small on she loved to sing - back then extremely out of tune - and dance around. When in 2008 her cousin Jia (Junsuh’s older sister), while she and her family visited their relatives in Korea, showed her Shinee’s debut MV Replay, she fell in love. Immediately she learned the dances and lyrics to the songs and dreamed of being an idol herself. The combination of vocal, rap and dance fascinated her. 

Yet, after time passes and she got older, her initial spirit disappeared almost completely. More and more she realized that she didn’t fit into the standard female idol category. Beginning with her appearance ending with her personality. She wouldn’t call herself a tomboy since she despite her boyish tendency still liked typical girly stuff. In end, she always thought of separating certain things in a boy and girl category as stupid. 

One day, her aunt took her to the toy store when she was made 5 years old. She asked her aunt if she could have Hot Wheels for her birthday present. The saleswoman, however, who should help her to find something, asked if doesn’t want something that is more fitting for a girl. Her five-year-old self suddenly feeling insecure choose a creepy doll, which the sale woman suggested - she ended up giving the creepy doll to the family dog to play with. 

„Look, you don’t need to say yes right now. But please just come to JYP building tomorrow for the audition. Well, it’s not really an audition, you are basically already in. You just need to say yes.“ The sudden change to a clean Seoul accent made her startle up from her thoughts. The man in front of her got now her full attention. He almost looked desperate. 

It is probably favorable for his career if he gets me to come to the “audition“. South Korea is highly competitive after all, she guessed

„Okay.“

„It doesn’t take long either you….wait, what?“

„I said, okay. When should I be there?“ He looked at her seemingly being genuinely surprised to hear her agree. Sure, she only accepted because she felt bad for him. Also, her class started in 5 minutes and she simply didn’t want to be rude and refuse after his effort. Nonetheless, the fact that he knew her name and where she went to University, still creeped her out. 

„Umm, well 10 a.m. Wait in front of the building, I will escort you in.“

„Good, I will be there.“ She said and then added quickly before she went ahead to run to the other side of the campus to still be on time for her class. „Have a good day.“

————

 At 09:30 a.m. sharp she was in front of the JYP building. She always tended to come over punctual, mainly because she included the time she will need in case anything goes wrong by her taking the bus - a short 25-minute ride - from Seongdong District on the north bank of the Han River to Gangnam District, which lies on the south side of the Han River. 

Traffic jam, traffic collision, plane crashes, nuclear attacks, apocalypse and what so ever. Her constant nagging anxiety back in her head made her throw her common sense out of the window more than once. 

Certainly, she didn’t expect anything, she highly doubted that the apparent JYP staff member was being legit. Either somebody was playing a prank on her or one of Junsuh’s theories will be confirmed and she is going to be sold. 

In a girl group, she would stand out and not in a good way like a pretty flower would. No, she would stand out like a purulent pimple in the middle of one’s forehead. Not like she was particularly ugly or different looking. The fact that she was not special looking was the issue. In general, she was glad about that. She was never big on being the center of attention. However, in the entertainment industry, like it or not, talent is not everything. And her being as interesting as an empty sheet of paper, surley didn’t take a chance. 

After awkwardly standing around for good 25 minutes, somebody came out of the building. She immediately recognized him as the man from yesterday. 

He wasn’t lying about working for JYP then, she thought. 

As he looked to his left and saw her standing there, he sighed with relief and beckoned her over to him. By his reaction, she assumed that he obviously didn’t believe that she will come. But she was not the type to do tell somebody she would be there and then shamelessly not come without giving the other person a notice.    

„You won’t regret this, believe me.“ He said as they walked through the lobby to the elevator. „They really want you in this group.“ Who he meant with they, she wasn’t sure. He chuckled awkwardly since she didn’t respond to anything he said but rather she just nodded and gave him a forced smile. Again, she wasn’t trying to be rude, for sure not, after all in her family having good manners was an essential part. Her very English grandmother would personally fly to Korea and beat her ass if she was being rude. 

In the elevator were already three guys, she guessed them around her age, absorbed in a discussion about, from what she could understand, song lyrics. 

„Listen, I swear it’s good.“ Said the guy, with the darkest hair of the three of them. „You can be Fiona today, I’ll be Shrek. Ugly kind immature swag.“

She snorted and quietly chuckled to herself. The guy closest to her with silver, curly hair her, who heard her laugh, looked over to her. He raised his brow’s at first and then gave her a shy smile, which she returned.

On the fifth floor, they left the elevator and male staff knocked two times on the first door in the hallway, before he opened it and showed with a quick hand gesture that she should follow him. In the room was big glass table where three men already sat. She immediately recognized the man seated in the middle. 

 It’s JYP, It really was not a joke after all.

„Ah, there she is. Please take a seat.“ JYP said and gestured on the chair opposite of him. She bowed and sat down. 

After he asked the staff member to leave he continued: „I’m really glad you are here. When I saw your performance I know you will fit perfectly.“ 

„I was told, if I would accept the offer, I will participate in survival show, right?“ She asked, slowing starting to feel excited. Even though, she gave up on her dream of being an idol a long time ago - better said, she never really tried in the first place. Deep down she still wanted to achieve that and such an opportunity she couldn’t refuse. Even if that meant she had to change herself to fit in. 

„Yes, exactly. I really hope you take this chance. Even though you don’t have a training period as the other trainees participating, I believe you have potential.“

„Okay, I’m in. Where do I have to sign“ she said, full of newly found elan. The three men chuckled surprised about her sudden enthusiasm.

„The formalities we will sort out later.“ JYP answered, „Stray Kids, the name of the group you might debut in, has currently nine male trainees, which your leader Bang Chan handpicked himself.“

„Boys?“ She questioned confused.

„Yes, the management and I decided by making Stray Kids a co-ed group it will be more favorable in the future.“ He continued undeterred. She had to stop herself from making a snarky comment and asking them if they are trying to be edgy be doing that. 

There is no need to act like a twat right now!

„But none of our female trainees fit in Stray Kids. So, I was obviously pleased when I found you. I hope I’m not going to regret this.“ The last part sounded bitter and her previous enthusiasm was slowly suppressed by the anxiety creeping up her throat, making her feel sick.  

She didn’t want to back away now. 

Maybe it’s better to be in a male-dominated group. It’s not like I fit in a girl group either, she tried to calm herself down mentally. 

However, the fact that all other trainees were chosen by Stray Kids leader personally and that she basically was being forced onto them, made her feel like she was going to vomit. 

„They are already informed about your addition to the group. In fact, I want them to get to know you right now. Teamwork is important and the faster you warm up to each the better!“ With that, he stood up, bowed to his colleges and told her to follow him. She bowed to the older men too and left after JYP.

„The kids are probably in the practice room right now. Since they got the chance to debut, they have been prating twice as hard.“ He said, obviously proud about the trainee’s dedication. „I heard they are very excited to meet you.“

Bollocks! I will be extremely out of place. No way any of them are excited for a possible female member. 

Despite, her anxiety she didn’t wanna give up this time. She can’t just run away every time there was a construction put in her way. At last, trying wasn’t going to kill. 

They went down to the second floor. At the end of the hallway, JYP opened the wooden door to the practice room and stepped in. As JYP and she entered, four guys who sat on the floor rushed to stand up and joined five other guys to bow to their CEO. Some looked very young to her. She would have guessed at least two of them fifteen years old at most.

„Please introduce yourself to them,“ JYP told her and encouraged her with a quick hand gesture to step in front. 

All eyes were on her now. Some of them seemed curious, others just stared at her expressionless. And then, there was the guy with the silver hair from the elevator. He looked at her like he wanted to burn her down with his gaze. She honestly couldn’t take offense at that. Like, she understood his seeming dislike of her. 

„My Name is Seol Nova and I hope we can work well together.

[marxiehodgeheg]

Death Note (2017)

okay, so I just watched the Death Note movie and damn that shit was

WILD

so im just going to compile some small notes about how bad and how much they fucked Death Note like fuck man

Please Note: there are going to be elements of spoilers in this list so if you are planning on watching Death Note (2017) be aware (but in all honesty please dont watch it just watch the 2006 Anime Adaptation I beg you, I am doing you a solid)

lets begin

ok so first off, this shit is americanised so of course there is a buttload of whitewashing because if you didnt know Death Note is Japanese and set in Japan and the characters are Japanese - please. 

Light Yagami is a good boy™ so like how dare you make this shitty bad boy - hes doing other peoples homework please no

the Death Note lands right next to him - um no the Death Note lands 10 feet away from Yagami and outside his classroom stop this

also it starts raining right after he picks up the Death Note - spoooky

white!light finds some bullys who are obviously over school age and so he pulls the child abuse card on them if they were to hit him - he gets decked anyway. 

he gets caught with the homework and put into detention and oh no the light went out - creepy factor™ to the max - so spooked 

oh yeah, did i mention that this film is rated an 18 

so of course theres been swearing and cursing from everyone, even Light - sorry not my Light 

best part of the film was white!light shitting himself when he see Ryuk like yes 10/10 A++ content would watch that scene again

white!light also slaps himself and i wanted him to do it more 

theres more swearing, i mean i had to settle in for a wild ride with fucks and shits throughout this whole film, but like the anime was only a 15 

also Willem Dafoe as Ryuks voice was pretty cool, had a nice ring to it but anyway 

he goes to kill older bully because Ryuk says he wants to (obviously hes hesitant) but cant 

legit words from the film “i dont have a pen” Ryuk pulls out a pen “well its good you have one” im yeLLING

he writes older bully guys name down but oh no, Ryuk tells him to write down how so guess what 

HE CHOOSES DECAPITATION IM SERIOUS YALL THIS IS HIS FIRST KILL NO HESITATION JUST WRITES DOWN DECAPITATION LIKE WHO FUCKEN WROTE THIS 

FUCKEN GORE TO THE MAX YOU SEE THIS GUYS HEAD BE FUCKEN RIPPED FROM HIS BODY BY A TRAGIC ACCIDENT LIKE FUCK 

by this point i was already like #NotMyDeathNote i mean 

dad is introduced, but where is mother and sister - ill tell you where - non existant (mum is dead and there was never any sister) 

MORE SWEARING >:(

theres still apples tho and Ryuk still loves them 

white!light reads the Death Note rules (well he actually skims them but okay) 

comes across some scribble and sees a not “dont trust Ryuk”

HE PRONOUNCES IT RYE-UK NO LIE IM LIKE HOW THE FUCK DARE YOU NO ITS RYUK PRONOUNCED REE-UK FUCK YOU

its okay tho because Ryuk comes out and shuts him down with the correct pronunciation like yas bitch you tell him 

ALSO LET ME LOOK AT MY MAIN MAN STOP PUTTING HIM IN THE DARKNESS LET ME SEE HIS FACE NOT JUST HIS EYES 

Ryuk suggests shark attacks on the toilet as a not possible example of death - Ryuk i thought you were better than this 

angry scribbling of names - damn white!light is mad 

AND ANOTHER THING WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE HEART ATTACKS LIKE HE JUST KEPT SPECIFYING THE DEATHS - NO THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS YOU DONT NEED TO JUST KEEP WRITING THESE SHITTY DEATHS

you get one look at Ryuk and damn, my man you ugly im sorry they did you like that

okay back at school, watching the team practice and guess what 

HES GOT THE DEATH NOTE AND HES READING IT IN THE OPEN IN PUBLIC - BITCH PUT IT THE FUCK AWAY

OH BUT WAIT A GIRL SEES HIM - SHE NOTICES IT AND IS LIKE “oo Death Note whats that” AND HES LIKE “nah its nothing™” 

BUT IT GETS BETTER 

HE TELLS HER ABOUT IT AND LETS HER READ IT AND SHOWS HER HOW IT WORKS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON - MY LIGHT WOULD NEVER DO THIS 

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THIS CHICK IS BUT APPARENTLY HE DOES AND SHE KNOWS HIM SO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO WRONG - WHO IS SHE?!?!?!

so new girl who im sure is supposed to be Misa Misa says to white!light “lets change the world together” and so these words obviously go straight to white!lights dick because theres sexual tension in the air

“can i kiss you?” “youre not suppose to ask” 

she just fucken pins him to the wall shes making him her bitch and theyre kissing ugh my eyes hurt 

cut back to school and they in class and they looking at each other like they fucked 

then theres more kissing like fucking straight white movie romances am i right 

theyre finding a name for the God who will rule the new world

of course its Kira like what else is it going to be

“Kira means light in celtic” and then quickly “also its similar to the word killer in Japanese” like damn bitch i wonder why you quickly said that - oh yeah because Death Note is actUALLY JAPANESE 

im so fucjing done with this film 

but now the death victims are leaving perfectly written Japanese messages on the walls like this doesnt mAKE UP FOR YOUR SHITTY WHITEWASHING

news time: white boy feels special for getting lots of praise and attention for killing bad guys 

were suddenly in Japan in a night/strip club 

hooded guy is introduced - hes speaks Japanese - finally we are saved by the Japanese guy who I assume is L

nope L is not Japanese just speaks it just like in the anime 

white!light is suddenly angry as detective dad for getting on the Kira case like damn what is your damage 

Watari is here but he is not cute and kind looking like in the anime, i am disappointed 

white!lights dad talks to L on the laptop - but wheres the garbled voice???????

L is introdu--

L IS BLACK, I REPEAT L IS BLACK - ARREST THAT WHITE BOY BECOME POWERFUL WE ARE SAVED 

“rest your glutes” - true words from L. a real line in a real fim 

movie!L is just as good and cute as anime!L 

nope wait, he actually appears in public himself instead of a decoy - im sorry but i cant have this - not my L

he might have had his face covered and hooded but still - not my L 

WHITE!LIGHT IS RUDE - HE TALKS TO RYUK LIKE SHIT - TELLS HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP HOW DARE YOU I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM FOR THAT ALONE

finally found out Misa Misa replacements name 

its Mia

some cops walked off a building 

i kind of stopped taking as many notes by this point i was just not paying attention 

“if you fuck this were not the good guys anymore” - what part of killing people, be they bad or not, makes you the good guys? NONE

L and Light meeting in a cafe 

L becomes a cat and pushes shit off the table 

“youre the one who flew into the sun, im just the one to make sure you actually burn” - yooOOOOOOO L rekt u 

white!lights dad dares to be killed - Mia thinks about doing it but white!light stops her - she gets dumped 

she begs for him back 

she pulls out the i love you card 

it works because of course it would and theyre kissing again - like fuck no bitch you tried to kill my dad get the fuck out

Watari is targeted, his name is written in the book - LEAVE HIM ALONE

apparently people can be spared by burning the page with their name on it, what kind of bullshit

L is angry, he is so smad 

L GETS PINNED AGGRESSIVELY TO A TABLE UNHAND HIM YOU HEATHENS 

but another fault that L doesnt really get mad, hes actually a cool cucumber im sorry not my L

homecoming dance - really 

Mia gives white!light his outfit for it and also a hat with a note saying “i have it” 

have what idk

Ls old kids home is creepy™

white!light is wEARING A TOPHAT TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE WHA THE FUCK 

it was a decoy trick wow

oh no Wataris page is missing it cant be burned now, WATARI IS GOING TO DIE 

Watari dies before he can give white!light Ls real name HA

Take my Breath Away by Berlin plays at the dance - beautiful 

oh damn Mia actally outsmarts and FCUKS white!light - she wrote his name in the Death Note 

nope wait shes going to burn the page to bring him back fucking

she still fucked him over tho

L is still smad, but now hes got a gun and hes stolen a cop car 

theres a mangled L theme going on i swear

smashes through a “drive slow, drive safe” sign - good one L 

L finds white!light and chases him on foot

L IS RUNNING I REPEAT L IS RUNNING 

PARKOUR 

L IS DOWN AND OUT COLD IM 

now white!light has the gun

news flash: white boy is having regrets but white girl is living it 

its sad��

OH DAMN HE FUCKED HER OVER BACK IM YELLING

theyre on a ferris wheel and then it collapses spontaneously 

oh no white boy is having major regret about everything what a shame 

bye Mia, bye white!light 

oop Mia is dead 

L is okay 

white!light is in the water 

some random sees the washed up Death Note and picks it up 

white!light is in hospital - the random returns the Death Note to him

 memories of dead girlfriend™

father just now realised that his son is Kira

WHITE BOY SET THE WHOLE FUCKING THING UP - HE TELLS HIS DAD EVERYTHING LIKE FUCK HE MIGHT BE WHITE BUT HE FUCKING SMART 

L is still smad but now he had good hard evidence and proof of Kira

Ryuk is laughing and says that humans are interesting 

and then get this 

IT FUCING ENDS 

WHITE!LIGHT LIVES HE FUCKING LIVES AND LIKE IM JUST LIKE THIS IS NOT RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK NO PUT IT RIGHT FUCKING KILL HIM YOU COWARDS AND LET L LIVE 

but its okay because there are “funny bloopers” in the end credits 

more mangled L theme

im now watching the original 2006 anime and all is well 

Death Note 2017 whats that? 

[ramblingshit]

The Woman in Black - 1989 - 3/10

looks like the 1980s but with somewhat older-style outfits; exposition mutherfuckerrrrrr;

very slow, fluffy script; oh got the cut is just forward and back as they speak, now we’re close flipping forward and back when its their turn to speak i’m dying. exposition, telling other characters what the audience has already heard; each of these scenes are far too long with so much fluff, Jesus Christ the cuts just throw us into a completely different place with no transition its so abrupt and the jump cuts are infinitely worse fuck half of these are like .5 seconds long, they’re so basic its crazy. some j cuts all of the sudden and some decent direction all of the sudden on this indoors scene wtf lol. then back to awful cuts, apparently just outside and between scenes.

i can’t even focus on the story because there’s so much nonsense filming, writing and acting and jfc.

the 2012 version is only 5 minutes less but this one reaaaaally feels like its length while the 2012 one does not.

the house is just a grey house in a simple marsh, unassuming, boring to look at, the birds chirp, there’s a half-sunken cemetery nearby, the woman in blacks just standing there in broad daylight with a lil hat on her head, her skin like yellow tinted with red around her eyes kinda lookin like the wicked witch of the west, just staring casually at him they giving her a mid-shot and a close-shot and all, got some crooked shaped eyebrows, i think she’s angry? I’d be angry too with that ugly ass velvet donut on my head; she slowly sorta makes her way a few steps toward him, he sprints off and locks the door then turns on all the electrical lights in the house and seems alright; the rooms are tiny and clean cause she only just died (woman in black’s sister) - it’s really not scary - all white and beige with floral designs, boring frames with dark protraits; reminds me of the rooms at the thornton’s house and other old bedrooms i stayed in as a kid; fuck he’s really turning every single light on. he’s drinking again. we’re half an hour in and he’s messing around with some sort of recorder whistling into it and shit - omfg i thought that was leading up to a scare but no. telling the clues of the mystery in these weird cylinder recordings instead of the 2012 letters? he’s drinking again. WHOA hey we got an establishing shot and its a red-bricked house three stories tall with a big ass entrance way and pointed roofs and lots of windows am i missing something wait what happened to the grey house. there’s no scary music, its all light, there’s no suspense its like well here we are, now we’re here, now the marsh is water, there’s fog and horses and he’s nervous and there’s horses and women and children screaming yikesss ol mate looks mildly nervous, they must have hired him for his scared running and dramatic turns, NOW THE HOUSE HAS GREEN VINES ALL OVER IT. i mean he seems passionate about his role he’s tryin his hardest thats for sure. half of its filmed like a stage show - where’d the dog go. continuity needs to like actually be a thing. why do these candles have hats they’re on beautiful candelabras and now there’s more alcohol. for epople who have a butler and a maid on stand-by their tablecloth looks like a crumpled sheet and the lampshades look like they were picked up from the tip and they’re fkn crooked for godssake. we’re 46 minutes in and theres been maybe 25 minutes of actual story. he ran because he was afraid and that sits wrong with him so he wants to go back - now he’s ‘brave but not brave enough’. stubborn muthafucker. his rational friend is like lol you’re a moron, take my dog as companion he’s called spider for some reason. jesus fuck the cuts they get me everytime they’re scarier than anything else i’ve seen. unsurprised i could see the shadow of the camera. oh okay the grey house is the generator room out back that makes more sense. locked doors, ring of many keys but no key will turn. completely wasted mirror angles that were making me actually kinda anxious waiting to see something in them like damn son wasted opportunity. thrilling to watch this guy go through wads of paper not really looking at anything just pushing them around the great lawyer he is conveniently only finding and looking at plot-relevant things. kid crying mummy mummy while the lady just screams horribly - OMG NOW HES telling the recording exactly what we just heard and saw fuck sakee i love this movie its so dumb spoon feeding everyone - naw spider in his beeeeddd 10/10 best actor. nothing scary has actually happened other than weird lady staring constipatedly at him. he out here gon break his shoulder - sprint sprint sprint PACE PACE PACE – THE DOOR IS OPENNNNN ooohhwuuuhohhh and now he has an axe. he’s a fuck load more of a scardey cat than my main man harry potter and its the nursery - A BALLLLLLLL fell from the SKYYYYY and he doesn’t seem too fazed lmao. spiders just chillin on a chair like yep you’re in trouble. creepy old dolls. a kid just said 'hello’ and laughed, like friendly. 'hello?’  and put a toy in his hand. this is actually interesting. whoops the lights have gone out - PROBS CAUSE HE TURNS THEM ALL ON. nothing even scary happened, the kid said hi and clearly wanted to play then he sprinted away and now is panicking trying to find a torch where is he going its not even that dark back at the generator. cause god forbid- - OMG HE:S LITERALLY GO TTHE WHOLE HOUSE LIT UP mate why do you think it all went out omg im crying he’s freaking out about spider running off oh nah nevermind he’s fine lololol he was freakingggg outttt and then just chills immediately and goes back inside. i love this guy he’s trying so hard. the 70s lampshades are swinging from the roof. would be more eerie if it were actually dark and nah gonna just move over that back to him telling the recording exactly what we just saw. every fucking light. every FUCKING LIGHT. he’s lucky he doesn’t have to pay for electricity. this is the third time we’ve heard this crash and the kid and the lady screaming and he’s going angry about it cause its very noisy and he’s lost his mate’s dog whoops. lol whoops his mate found his own dog half drowned in the marsh and is just chill with it. wait this has all happened in a day?? this fuckin guy. ol mates got him rugged up and getting him outta there cause he collapsed in fright from finding the nursery trashed. that’s it. like yeah its spooky but come on man. is this the climax of the movie??? we an 1hr12min in. think they’re only breifly and vaguely mentioning that to see her means a kid will die and has died - how the fuck are you supposed to make her fearsome if you declaw her and take away that which threatens people: the fact she’s out there causing kids to die. floral bed covers. are they seriously not even going to show the dead kid. they’re just chatting. and again wa– holy fuck these people shes like neeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrhhh with a hogwarts cloak on and short curly hair with that yellow face and crooked brows, and he’s got his arms over his face, eyes shut just lying on his bed screaming - fuckin close ass shots i can see up their noses. now he’s taken ill poor mate. also he’s in a different bed?? and now he’s awake and talking some whack shit. has anyone called his wife yet lol. an awesome shot of just him sleeping. and another one. who’s this lady? oh its his wife. what’s she doing here i guess they did call her ahahaha. everything is so bright and blue and white where is the deeeeeath how is any of this scary its just so much chilling out and chatting and lol bye hope you get better have fun talking men. what. the house burned down? what. ol mate seems suss. HE’S SUSS. ol mate definitely burned that shit to the ground. who knows why he didn’t really seem sold on the whole thing but ya know. now they’re wearing like any old clothes they can find. and there’s a soldier too. and they’re training off into the sunset. that woman is not old enough to be this guy’s mother. what. we have cake time. pointless pointless scenes. ooooooooooooooooooooooo he got the ptsd from the horse clackity clack. no woman with hair that perfect sleeps without it in rolls or covered, not back then lol. where’s the deatttttthhh. oooohweeerrroooooo. whats in the box in the box whats in the box todayyy. acting is always 10/10 with this guy, especially the angst and strong emotions. he really doesn’t care for actually investigating these many papers he’s got in these boxes. um. he was in his office. and then the next scene was him entering his office and hanging up his jacket in his office????? wot. THE PAPERS AREN��T IN THE FIREPLACE MATE THEY’RE OUTSIDE OF IT. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD HES MAD HES SETTING THE OFFICE ON FIRE HOLY FUCKKKKKKKKK MATE. dude you are so fired. fireman is like yeah i found this jerry can of parrafin you wouldn’t happen to know anything about that would you. omg omg he’s attacking his boss this is so exciting. i think he’s fired lol. can’t believe he’s not been arrested. what do you tell your wife lmao. how do you get references for another job in this career. her hair is so perfect. she wants to talk, he silences her with a kiss, conversation moves on, he silences her with another kiss - typical. now they’re boating. there’s 3 minutes left. are they gonna drown. omg the jumpcuts. SHES STANDING ON WATER. SHES JESUS. ahahhahahahahAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA DEATH BY TREEEEEEEEEE and i think they did drown omg ahahah my guy, wife kid and baby. that’s fuckin dark. last literally 1 minute of the movie just kill everyone off. what a shit fest i love it.

[queenharumiura]

Kyoko Headcanon

@lalucedivongola this is the thing that I said I’d do. 

Here is a link if you’d rather just listen to me animatedly talk about my Kyoko HC: [X]

Length: 32:03 ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Warning: Obviously length, and also I guess... language? I tend to cuss more when I get agitated or excited... so if you don’t like that i’d... avoid this. Also at some times I get real passionate so perhaps my volume gets a bit loud... ahahahaha;;;;

Below is going to be me writing out my HC in word format. I am not following what I said in the audio post because that’s just too much work. I like working on the fly. So if the audio thing is too long for you, you can just read instead. 83

[readmore bc it’s me and we know why]

Kyoko and Haru used to get a lot of hate in the KHR fandom for ‘crying a lot’ being ‘useless,’ and for ‘getting in the way of YAOI SHIPS.’. The moment anyone say that to me is the day that I will probably flip someone’s life upside down. You don’t really see that now, which makes me happy. I used to see it a lot more often back then though and it gave me so much grief because Haru has been my favorite character for a very very VERY long time. 

I’m going off topic. Sorry about that. 

So anyways, going on with the whole crying bit. They are obviously talking about the future arc. If you go back to the manga, it was either within the same day or the next day when the girls resolve themselves to helping out by doing the chores and cooking. They can’t just stay upset and do nothing. They have to be productive. They have to help out and support the guys. 

THEY DID NOT CRY A LOT. I REPEAT, THEY DID NOT CRY THE WHOLE TIME. I WILL FIGHT YOU. THEY DIDN’T. If it were me, I would’ve cried and panicked for much longer. Honestly? We need to give those girls WAAYYYYY more credit than was given to them. I seriously will fight someone over this. 

Now, another reason Kyoko got a lot of hate is because she’s so perfect and always so happy-- like a robot. She doesn’t have a personality. She’s just... so unnatural. I so get that. I won’t lie, I used to really dislike her because I felt the same way. Though after a while I tried to really think on some things and analyze some things in the series and I came up with an idea and it made me respect her more as a character. 

To start things on, in one of the games, (was it the card game?) Kyoko was given the flame type of the MIST and NOT the SUN like her brother. I assert that your flame type isn’t necessarily genetic, but more so situational and personality related. Though that also ties into a bit of genetics because a lot of the times if you’re related you’ll have a similar personality. 

I’ve posted it once before, but I really believe that situations in one’s life and one’s personality really impacts on what kind of flame type you may have. My headcanon that’s based on this idea can be found here: [x]

I dunno if you took the time to read that but if you did, thank you~ I hope that it sort of makes sense? I hope it doesn’t seem too far-fetched? I mean you don’t have to agree with me or anything like that. That’s just how I see it and I’ll stand by it. This HC is why I have the HC that I do for Kyoko. 

Now, for Kyoko, she apparently has the flame type of the mist. I really think this fits her because it deals with illusions and I personally believe it fits her SCHOOL IDOL status. 

Here’s the thing, when you idolize anyone, your perception of someone is really biased. You see this a LOT with people who are really into Kpop. Like you can look at someone and see everything they do and hate them. You can see them to be a super pretentious person. They’re rude, they’re ugly, etc. However, sometimes, they grow on you and the same things you saw that made you hate them-- you start liking it instead. That’s the power of bias. 

It’s also the same as how sometimes a really good looking guy can do something ‘sweet’ for a girl and it’s soooo romantic, but if a guy who isn’t so good looking does the same thing, it’s sooooo creepy. Similar concept. 

Idolization gives rise to use bias. Gokudera is prime example. No matter what Tsuna does, he’s just the amazing Juudaime that he looks up to and aspires to help. 

Now, the reason why I mention this is because she’s the school idol and you know people are always projecting their own ideals onto you. You know this to be true especially when Tsuna is involved. He’s just always fantasizing about Kyoko. She’s the best person. She’s so beautiful, she’s so cute, she’s so kind, she’s so perfect. She’s like an angel. He hardcore projects onto her, dude. 

With the mist, you know there is an attribute of illusions ans such. Mukuro in particular can make himself look like another person. To the point that sometimes you’re like ‘yoooo you have like a completely different personality. DUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE.

I use this idea when I think about Kyoko. As a school idol, people project an image onto her and that’s quite literally what they see, and that’s how she acts out. She will act out how people see her. How they want to see her. 

However, there are times when we see her break out of those projections. Like whenever she got shot by Reborn and she goes to Tsuna’s mom and demands she ‘apologize/take it back’. There’s also the time that when she finds out Mochida and Tsuna are about to fight for Kyoko as the prize. You see her about to go straight up there like ‘oh no bitch, I aint no prize. SQUARE UP. I’ll fight fo’ myself’. Though you know, her friends kinda hold her back. You can see in the manga (I forget if it’s in the anime as well) that she’s just really gunho about going in there and fighting herself. 

LIKE HOW DARE? I feel like sometimes she’ll just snap out of the projected images and she’ll be herself. The times when we can see Kyoko being a bit ‘weird’ is when she’s around some other people who don’t really have any misconceptions about her. 

Like when she first met Haru, she doesn’t know that Kyoko is a school idol. She doesn’t know anything about her. She won’t be able to judge Kyoko and be like ‘that’s so unlike you. That’s so weird.’ So it’s like you can see Kyoko just immediately open up to Haru and just be like ‘yoooo I also do appreciation days!!! FRIIIIIIEEENDD!!!!!’. They get along very easily right off the bat.

She also found Lal Mirch’s Gorilla decoration thing to be really cute. We even see Haru just look at her like ‘you find that cute? Weiiiird.’ We can see that Kyoko’s interests are not exactly ‘normal’. She has some odd interests in the way that we see that she even finds Haru’s costumes to be really cute and fun. She finds Haru’s ideas to be really fun. 

If you think about it, if she was a true school idol preppy girl, she probably would not have been caught dead wearing some of the things that Haru has made costumes of. This is a glimpse of what Kyoko is like. She has a personality. She has her own interests. She has her own hobbies and thoughts. SHE HAS A PERSONALITY-- but it often gets overwritten by projection, which I will get into now. 

So with the mist attribute, you think of illusions, which I assert kind of ties into the whole ‘bias’ thing I mentioned earlier. It’s like people have an idea they have of her as an idol and project this idea onto her and she either acts out this projection or just appears that way to the one projecting the image. 

She’ll be that perfect angel, the super sweet, and gentle idol of the school. To further assert this idea, Kyoko has from a young age had to act things out to make people happy. Namely, her brother. We know that the scar on his forehead is partly the fault of Kyoko. He sustained the injury because of her and she feels guilty about it. Ryohei feels responsible sort of because she feels guilty. Like he wasn’t strong enough to not get injured. 

If he does get hurt (whether or not because of her or not) he needs to heal quickly or else he’ll worry Kyoko. He has to heal fast and strong so he doesn’t worry her and get less scars that she can look at and feel saddened by. Viola we see him with the Sun flame. 

Kyoko has to be that little sister that is naive and someone who always listens to her brother, so she can pretend to be unaware of the truth. It helps Ryohei feel more safe, and it helps him feel less stressed about feeling responsible for her feeling guilty about his injuries. 

It’s a cycle of guilt. She feels guilty about his scar, and he feels responsible for her feeling such a way and then she feels guilty that he feels responsible for her feeling guilty. A train. A complex train of guilt. You feel? 

So to stop this, she simply has to nip it in the bud at the source. She should pretend as though it doesn’t bother her anymore. She has to be the small and cute younger sister he’s so protective of. She has to act out the way he wants her to in order to save him from feeling so responsible for her all the time. 

I feel as though this is one reason why he gets so scarily defensive the moment the idea of letting Kyoko know the truth in the TYL arc is raised. It goes against the image he has of her. He doesn’t want to think of her knowing the truth. To become less of a naive and innocent little girl he wants her to be. So when she does find out, he just flies off the handle kinda. 

I think that this makes sense with him projecting an innocent image of her makes sense. Like, do you really think she’s stupid enough to believe he REAAAAAALLY fell off a roof? No, you don’t fall off a roof, lose all those teeth, and you don’t get all the injuries that you did. You don’t. Hell, you even saw Tsuna’s reaction like, ‘YOU BELIEVE THAT?’. 

Dude i’m pretty sure she doesn’t. That’s the image he projects onto her. That’s what he wants from her, so she acts the part. Honestly? Do you reaaalllly think the doctor’s are going to be stupid enough to believe that he fell off a roof? I’m pretty sure there are bruises and such that can let them know that’s not the case. 

The Doc’s probably told the parents the truth and either Kyoko heard it there or she heard from her parents. She’s got allllllllllll the opportunities to learn the truth. Still, she acts the part of believing his lies, because it would calm him down. He doesn’t want her to worry. He doesn’t want her to ‘show that face again’. Since he feels that strongly, she has to act naive. 

Please, Sumo tournament? She sees those gloves you’re wearing. She knows a boxing ring when she sees one. Like all those injuries? LAMBO?????? REALLY? Sumo? You seriously think they’re that stupid to believe you? They know you guys are lying to them. They know you are lying to keep them safe, or to make you guys keep distance. It’s dangerous. They know that. 

So they have to pretend to believe you and move on. What a lot of women are told, no matter what, you have to support your men. You have to protect the family and support your man in the shadows. That’s what the girls have to do. If they have to pretend to be unaware of the truth to support them, they’ll do so. Kyoko cannot be that stupid, and Haru honestly would not be stupid enough to believe it. She’s from a private all girl’s school for pete’s sake. She’s supposed to be very smart. Don’t let her weird attitude fool you. 

She’s knowledgeable. Kyoko has common sense. They are not stupid. They are more aware than they let on. Why else did they finally have enough of it in the future arc and go on a strike? If they truly believed that everything was okay and it was just a ‘sumo tournament’ then they wouldn’t have had a strike. They would’ve just gone along with it. However, they just finally got enough of it. 

How can you basically bring them into this, have them see how injured you guys got AND LAMBO and expect them to not know the truth? 

REAAAAAALLLYYYYY THEEEYYYYY KNOOWWWWWWW MORREEEEEE THAAAAAAN PEEOOOPPLEEE GIVEEE THEEEEMMM CREEEDIIIIIT FOOOOR.

So she gets projected images and she acts the part. Thought with Haru, as I mentioned earlier, she didn’t have a projection to work off of and you can see her being more of her true self. She’s into eating lots of cakes. She can enjoy dressing up in weird costumes. She enjoys the weird ploys that Haru has planned to surprise their friends. She can be HERSELF. 

It’s really interesting to see the subtle differences in her actions when she’s around other characters and Tsuna. The projection really just shines through, I feel.

Now, this is my thought, Kyoko has very strong feelings about treating people right and judging people, or projecting ideals onto people. WHY? BECAUSE THAT IS HER LIFE. She knows how hard it is. She will fight this. 

Why else did she only when she got shot by Reborn she goes after Tsuna’s mom demanding she take back what she said about Tsuna? You shouldn’t call yourself worthless or whatever. Not in front of him and NOT in front of a friend of his. You don’t do that. (though I also HC that Nana does that to see who Tsuna’s true friends are bc anyone who would defend him are his true friends. Those who let it go are either fake friends or are using him. She must get rid of them) You can’t say things like that, as though you were projecting the idea that he’s a no good person. She got upset by that, but Tsuna super hardcore projects all these ideals onto her. 

Calling out his mom on her BS is not one of them. So she’s stuck with wanting to say something but also being stuck with having to act out his projection. There is a lot of inner battling there and that’s why, I assert, is why she immediately goes to find his mom after being shot, because it bothered her THAT MUCH. 

Now in terms of Haru. Let’s be real here, Kyoko knows full well how Haru feels about Tsuna. She’s always all over him and they’ve canonically had sleepovers. Do you really think she hasn’t said that she loved ‘Tsuna-san’ at LEAST 20 times in a single night? Really? She so has. This is no secret to Kyoko. However it’s very obvious who he has feelings for. 

Given the fact that he’s always pushing Haru away or speaking/acting in favor of Kyoko. I’m very much positive that Kyoko is just very loyal and she sticks to her girls. You want to treat Haru like that and push her away? Then i’m going to pretend I don’t see how you feel about me. Don’t you think you can just ignore and push someone away and think that I’ll look at you. ESPECIALLY NOT if it’s my FRIEND you are treating like that. 

Sure, Haru is very passionate and it’s just really really stifling. She gets that, but you can’t treat a girl like that in front of someone you are crushing on. However, we can’t blame Tsuna. He’s young and it’s like given his life, it’s not his fault he doesn’t exactly know how to deal with things. I mean, if I had a girl like Haru on my tail all the time, I would be a bit overwhelmed too. 

Still, doesn’t mean that Kyoko has to overlook that. She has to support her friend. I feel as though that is definitely why every time he gives Haru a hard time, Kyoko chimes in like ‘Oh but I was involved too? I thought it was a cute idea.’ It’s basically a ‘if you gotta throw hate on Haru, then you should throw it at me too’. 

HOWEVER we see that Tsuna changes his tune. The moment he realizes that Kyoko was in on it and thought it was a fun idea, he’ll be shocked at first but then say how it made him happy. Thank you. Like really? Come on now, why to have such a fast change of heart. Not even Haru is oblivious or positive enough to ignore that. That probably hurts her. 

Kyoko is supporting her friend, but also in a weird way training Tsuna to stop judging people so much. Stop projecting your ideals onto people. Just learn to accept people for who they are. She probably just respects Haru for how true she is to herself. She doesn’t care about wearing a costume out in public. She can showcase her work to the world. She doesn’t really care how people think of her. She’s herself and she’s not gonna change. 

No amount of Tsuna just making comments on her thoughts/actions is going to stop her. Kyoko, I feel really likes that about her and she wants to do that herself. 

Now, if you’ve noticed, Tsuna pushed Haru away a lot at the start of the manga, but towards the end, he’s accepting her more. He doesn’t really push her away as much. He starts to accept the weird things that not only she, but everyone else does. You can see that as he’s growing more accepting of things, Kyoko opens up more to him. She starts to become more ‘aware’ of his feelings for her. Very subtle but it’s there. 

The very last thing that I want to leave things off on: I feel like this is why she could immediately tell the problem that Tsuna was having with Natsu. Tsuna was projecting his emotions onto his box animal. How else can she know this so easily than if she’s always being projected on? She knows how that is. That is her life. She’s a projected person. People don’t really know what she’s really like until they start accepting her for who she is and stop projecting their ideals on her. 

Due to the fact that she’s always projected upon, she can tell when others are being projected on like with Natsu. He can feel the anxieties Tsuna feels. He’s scared too. He’s just in his box like ‘OH SHIT! NO NO DON’T LET ME OUT. I’m SCARED!’. Kyoko can tell because she’s so used to it. She can see the signs. 

For the fact it’s so terrifying and tiring, she doesn’t like it when others project onto others in a harmful way. Thus he wants to talk back when people say bad things about Tsuna. Don’t put a bad image onto him. He’s trying. Words are powerful. Stop putting that image on him. Especially if you are his mother. Don’t do it. 

So yeah. That’s my thought on Kyoko being the way she’s designed and why the mist fits her so well. 

Honestly you don’t have to agree with me. You can say that my idea is absolute bull. I just wanted to write out a thing and share it. 

TLDR: Kyoko has a personality. She has a soul, but it’s just that with her mist attribute her true personality gets hidden. 

[justsoyoudonthaveto]

What kind of fake drama can this movie come up with? Let’s see! Final installment in the “Father Christmas” trilogy –  let’s dive right in to Marrying Father Christmas!

Miranda now lives in Boston, where she has her own interior design company, and there’s a montage of her, explaining her last 2 movies to all her clients, and honestly, TMI, girl. Draw a line! But she’s super in love with Ian and with Christmas and good for her.

Still more fake snow in Vermont, and Boston, and I’m confused about how far Boston is from Carlton Heath, VT, because how are they going to live in that cottage with her business in the city? I’m not a fan of long commutes and something tells me this one is a very long one. When is she going to buckle down and just commit to one location?

Wendi Malick has just invited some of her dead father’s friends to Miranda’s wedding. It’s weird, but Miranda is a soft touch and says it’s ok. Ian’s back at the woodpile, and struggling with his vows at the same time. Again, since he’s not chopping wood like this, I do not care for all these wood chopping scenes.

Back in Boston, there’s a guy creeping in Miranda’s building, just as she’s heading out the door. And I want to know how she manages to have such nice offices for a brand new business – is she just independently wealthy on top of all of this? Creeper is named Charles Findlay and he really wants Miranda to decorate his office, but since she can’t, he just leaves without leaving his number. Not suspicious at all.

Miranda just drove from Boston to Vermont with her window open. Yeah, that’s believable. Miranda is staying with her half-brother and their very clingy kids, and they decorated her guest room with greenery and a fireplace and it’s just too much.

Miranda has to meet with the minister in the town, and she has to go through AGAIN why she loves Christmas, and why she wants to get married on Christmas Day. Maybe if you haven’t watched the other two movies back-to-back the refresher is a good thing, but I’m.over.it. Miranda and Ian have a charming conversation about how they both have to write their own vows, and that’s just too much pressure for him.

Oh, crap, we’re back to A Christmas Carol. And Wendi Malick is being amazing, but she’s inviting more people, which makes the venue of Miranda and Ian’s cottage too small, so she says hey, have it at your half-brother’s house, with a tent outside. ON FREAKING CHRISTMAS DAY. IN VERMONT. What planet does Wendi Malick live on in this movie? But what is nice is that Miranda and Ian have a nice conversation about it – right before he drives her back to her half-brother’s house, because it’s a Hallmark movie and goodness forbid they sleep in the same house.

Oh, Creepy Charlie Findley has shown up at Carlton Heath, and just left the theater and her half-brother, Peter. Miranda must find out what’s the deal! She doesn’t tell Peter that she met this guy before, but she fishes for information – this guy has just made a sizeable donation to the James Whitcomb memorial theater and is now staying at the Inn with her future in-laws, so off she goes to confront Mr. Findley, who is in town because of her mother, the dead Eve Chester. But then they have to have a private conversation in the middle of the freaking town, and we find out that Charlie Findley is Eve Chester’s brother! Miranda has an uncle! Oh My Goodness! All of this before the first commercial break.

Miranda doesn’t believe him at all. He realizes his story sounds kooky, he just wanted to do something nice for Miranda, and then he walks away, and now Miranda is very distracted among her delightful future in-laws. But this time she doesn’t tell Ian what the problem is. Grr.

Another silver stranger has arrived, Thomas Reade, who’s a friend of Wendi Malick’s. He’s there to hug Wendi Malick, and perhaps other things? Maybe.

Miranda asks Charlie Findley how he found her – it was the article on the internet a year ago. So a few questions. 1) It’s been a freaking year, why did it take so long? 2) Why hasn’t he explained why he didn’t know his sister had a daughter? 3) Why is this mystery even in this movie?

But yay, Miranda is back to telling Ian things on the cold park bench that is basically the only one in the town. Ian has the skeptic pants on, and now Miranda doesn’t want to hear about all the rational reasons to ignore everything Charlie Findley has to say.

If they are going to have their wedding in the cottage in a few days, the cottage is severely underdecorated, and this is me saying that about a set in a Hallmark movie. As compared to Miranda’s half-brother’s house, which is decked out to the nines – see?

But they have a nice wedding dance practice to “Winter Wonderland” sung by Johnny Mathis. True fact, I didn’t practice my wedding dance until the cocktail hour at my wedding, and it all worked out fine.

How many freaking scarves does Miranda own? 

She brings Wendi Malick and her future mom-in-law to her final dress fitting – which she is doing behind a screen – this wedding shop doesn’t even have a changing room? But we are cheated out of seeing her in the dress, and Younger Son doesn’t understand the movie-ness of the big reveal at the end. Wendi Malick is steamrolling Miranda into having the wedding at her son’s house and it’s uncomfortable. Wendi Malick also says she’s having fun with Thomas Reade (Tommy) and Miranda gives her the wink wink, nudge nudge.

Ian is still struggling with his vows by the wood pile. 

Montage of Miranda and Ian delivering baskets of goodies to everyone in the town, because it’s not Christmas if they don’t deliver baskets of cookies. But meanwhile, back at the Inn, Miranda gets a package of a ton of photos of her mom which sends Miranda and her ugly sweater into The Sad Times.

More and more of this movie makes me think that Miranda’s mother was a terrible mother. She never told her daughter about ANYTHING. Ugh.

Finally, Finally, Finally, Miranda fires up the Googler, but we are not treated to any of her research results until she tells Ian that she couldn’t find anything. But in the meantime, it’s the tree-lighting ceremony tonight! Yet again I wonder how long her time off is, although if she owns the business, I guess she can do anything she wants.

The hospitality of everyone in this town belies everything I’ve ever heard about New Englanders. Wendi Malick is now on the arm of her friend Tommy and even her son knows what’s up. Oh, the magic of a tree lighting to bring the whole town together. And we also find out that Charlie Findley is really Joseph Charles Findley, and he made good on the donation to the theater. But apparently Google doesn’t have info on him, but she’s determined to talk to him again and then maybe inviting him to her wedding that is in 4 days, and they still haven’t figured out where they are going to have it, or catering, or ANYTHING. Jeez, the stress of that situation is bumming me out immensely.

Ian is not necessarily on board with asking Charles to the wedding, but he just wants her to be happy, and it just cements that Ian is the best hero ever. Even when he does that fake smolder thing that Flynn Rider did in Tangled.

But we are treated to a scene of Ian in a tux, and even though I find him handsome he doesn’t look like my husband in his tux, so the magic is gone, Ian. He gets a pep talk from his dad at the tux store, and they bro-hug it out.

Miranda is baking cookies with her niece Julia, and they didn’t make a mess at all. HIGHLY unbelievable. We still have almost an hour left of this movie. Oy.

Wendi Malick is being weird with Ian, but he’s perceptive enough to give her the prod to go on a date with Tommy. This town is just too close. But for some reason, Google finally works for Miranda, and she finds out that Charlie Findley is a Pastor in a church in Northern California. Why Is This A Secret? I Don’t Get The Manufactured Drama In This Movie. Planning A Wedding Is Drama Enough. 

Case in Point – Miranda has to tell Wendi Malick to stop with commandeering her wedding plans. This is drama. Or it would be if Wendi Malick was playing it bitchy, which she isn’t so this was all stupid stuff to fill the time between the beginning of the movie and the end. But we also get the conversation with Miranda and Wendi Malick about Charlie Findley and Wendi Malick is deservedly upset about the fact that Miranda hasn’t said anything, although Miranda tries to justify this by saying she didn’t want to hurt Wendi, or distract her from her nice feelings about Tommy. And now Wendi Malick is giving the brush off speech to Tommy about how she has to focus on her family, and Tommy is like, whatever, girl, you’re full of it.

Sitting on her favorite bench in the cold is Charlie Findley. They go for a walk into the old church that has too many Christmas trees in it. But we get the story about why Eve doesn’t tell Miranda about her brother – it has to do with the fact that he was a young pastor, believing in black and white, right and wrong, and he frowned on the fact that Eve and James were in love but he was still married. He was the one who walked away from Eve, so I take back what I said about Eve being a bad mom. And Miranda is very accepting of his apology, which seems very heartfelt, and so off they go to meet Ian.

Oh, thank goodness, Ian is not performing in A Christmas Carol, but we are not saved from a montage of the performance, where the house is still bedecked in Christmas lights, no matter that it’s distracting to the audience and the actors.

Bone to pick with writers. Ian’s dad is looking at a radar doppler of a big storm coming in, and Ian’s mom is like, maybe we’ll have a White Christmas after all. Have you seen all the snow on the ground in your town, Ian’s mom? What do you call that? Plus, it’s no fun to be in a wedding dress in a blizzard. Jeez. But you know who doesn’t hate the snow? Miranda, because she loves everything Christmas, even as she runs through the snow in her suede boots.

For some reason, Uncle Charlie doesn’t want to intrude on her wedding. Sure, whatever.

Even Peter seems to think that Wendi Malick deserves a second chance at love. And Tommy shows up at her house in the fake flurry. Wendi thaws enough to invite him for Christmas. Christmas morning, they are together opening presents, which is treating the “groom can’t see the bride before the wedding” a bit cavalierly.

Time for the wedding! It has stopped snowing, and no one seems cold despite being outside in Vermont in December. And this cottage seems amazingly huge after all this time. Ian is still freaking out about his vows, and it’s almost time for the wedding and Miranda is NOT EVEN IN HER DRESS YET. And Charlie makes it to the wedding!

Why doesn’t Ian or Miranda have any friends to be bridesmaids/groomsmen?

Ian just starts crying at her in her dress, and Younger Son that dress is not big deal reveal worthy. You decide. But Wendi Malick walks Miranda down the aisle, which is nice. And now it’s time for the vows! Ian is doing it with the trembly lip worthy of Claire Danes. And the vows are nice, even though we are treated to a photographic replay of the last 2 movies. And despite giving her a white gold engagement ring, they are exchanging gold wedding rings. But who cares, they’re married!

Time for one final buggy ride in her dress, in the snow, down a lane full of Christmas lights. And we’re done with this story. I’m glad I watched them all, but I didn’t really enjoy the last two installments. Oh well, to each their own. Maybe this one didn’t have enough princesses in disguise for me? Who knows. Still have a bunch more movies on my DVR to watch, you know, just so you don’t have to.

   Finally we get a wedding! More manufactured drama! More fake snow! More wood chopping! I watched Marrying Father Christmas, just so you don't have to. What kind of fake drama can this movie come up with? Let's see! Final installment in the "Father Christmas" trilogy -  let's dive right in to…

[peanutdracolich]

Peanut Dracolich Watches Horror: The Descent

Going into the film I knew only vague things. Someone got covered with blood. It was probably underground. I’d heard things about it being compared to Saw because both were bloody horror movies and Saw came first. Roger Ebert gave it a thumbs up. Something about Dante imagery.

Of these things some were true. This film is full of gore. Do not watch the film if you don’t like gore. It is also a gruesome, brutal, and at times brutally effective horror film. It is capable of gripping at you tightly, the danger rush rising, and in some ways is the best horror film I’ve watched this month. I’d still rate it only 5th or so, but for a certain niche it is truly great. What it does it does well.

It is not merely a thing of blood, violence, and poor spelunking choices. There is a moral aspect to it, which is well played, and we see mankind’s need to hang on to each other when in danger or all hang separately.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, as well as the play by play below.

The Good:

The Moral Dilemma: Don’t read this bit if you haven’t seen the movie Well if you’ve seen the movie you know the basic gist of it. Still it’s nice to see the choice between vengeance and forgiveness played out, and the fake out that goes with it is also nice. It sets up a wonderful end.

You can read again.

The Brutal Action: I am not adverse to gore and brutality. While I usually find it no substitute for other parts of horror, here it was done well and in a gruesome way that really worked really bloody well. The deaths were gory, but it wasn’t just here’s a gory death be scared, and the action, when they fought the crawlers (as the ending credits called them, I’d have called them the orloks or cave goblins) it was effective action that fit a horror film.

The Setting: This has to be mentioned as it was a large part of making the film work. The narrow, dark, and claustrophobic cave is a scary place and the darkness, trapped in the dark, was used to good effect. Still it feels sort of like saying Alien’s best feature was it was set on a space ship.

The Bad:

The Stupid: Guys it’s obviously not the right cave. Guys don’t crawl down a tunnel that narrow that readily. Sam don’t try climbing that what are you doing? Beth... There’s a lot of stupid moments in the film. While it works despite them and some (guys it’s obviously not the right cave) are acceptable as genre conventions of a sort (a horror movie about being at a place where people shouldn’t be is expected to use a bit of stupid for it) eventually they got a little grating.

The Crawlers: Their biology is egregiously dumb. They’re blind, but shown to be attracted to light. They see with echolocation, but seem to have worse hearing than humans. They sniff people, but can’t actually smell them. They are cave predators, but poorly armed humans kill them when outnumbered without good lighting. They are only scary due to their numbers and the cave itself; they’re less intimidating than Aliens xenomorphs, the setting fixes some of this, but they are not that scary in and of themselves. Bonus points, though, for making them look like Count Orlok bringing in that horror and potential homage.

The Fake Outs: There’s a lot of empty cat scare like fake outs in the first 30 minutes of the film. They don’t really add much to the horror and just sort of add time. While one has purpose in showing us one of Sarah’s hallucinations the others are pointless.

The Ugly:

The Blood Pool: While I could mention the bone-setting scene, because as much as I liked it it was gory really gory, the blood pool gets points for looking like chili and tomato sauce.

The Bats: Not quite 60s movie bad but bad, really quite bad.

The Play by Play (I suggest watching the film first though note lots of gore)

I know nothing about this film other than it's 'recent' (here apparently meaning newer than the 90s), something about people covered in blood, and critical reviews mention Dante symbolism. This is the extent of my knowledge.

I now know it starts with people the scariest of all acts, white water rafting. As I don't like water due to being 1/4 wicked witch on my godmother's side that might actually be something I'd not enjoy and seriously be scared doing.

Still this is only a quite prelude for a car crash wherein one woman is injured and a dude dies with copper tubes through him. Quick, sudden, brutal. No real horror because it's just a quick death in a random accident, but the woman wakes up in an abandoned hospital alone and confused. Lights begin to turn out towards her and we get some madness view, and she begins to run from the encroaching darkness calling her daughter's name.

Then we cut out of her mad take upon the world and see that it is a normal hospital and well lit. Still her husband and daughter are dead. I'm guessing she'll try and resurrect them or something (and also that her husband was cheating on her).

And we cut to 1 year later and the Appalachian mountains. The English do not like our country music. And the national park sign has been shot, who the frick did that. Still it's the Appalachians I'm familiar with them, they include some nice mountains, and some creepy ones.

Still it's 5 women alone in the woods. Or perhaps 6. Movie is thus far dark in a sort of sad, depressing way. This seems thematically fitting given the main woman's (I will have to learn their names) depression over the death of her husband and daughter. And even now she's have a nightmare about getting a pipe through the head. Shocking imagery but it creates a little surge of fear and then it's gone and the tension and build up reduced by the surge. It wastes the unease. I say it wastes it because it'd been doing a good job of building it actually, the depressing dark is a tension of its own. I mean I guess I could call them Protag, Asian, Dark, Doctor (in training), Older Sister, and Punk, but I need proper names, I don't like those. So we have Juno, Sarah, and I'll try. One is Rebecca. Juno puts the guide book back in the car, this is a mistake.

I think the film wants to find a waterfall scary? And then jump scare with crows. It's not poorly done. It gets a little jump, but it is more setting up what they were scavenging, a dead elk. It's also not quite a full jump scare, but it's pretty nice and fun.

They arrive at the mouth of the cave. I feel like if this is a common attraction there'd be more of a path leading to it. Like it doesn't look like there's been that many people as they kept talking about. Holly comes down too quick and almost hits someone because she's crazy punk girl.

One of them finds an indentation in the stone shaped just right to place your fingers in and it's either bloody or the color of blood. That's disturbing. We are then greeting with a sudden burst of bats as a fake out scare. It's better than Friday the Thirteenth Part 2's cat scare, but the bats look pretty bad, I had thought that by 2005 we could do bats more effectively. Still we have a group of women in a cave which is an effective setting for horror and since it's all women we won't have the guy who is designated to die through heroic sacrifice. I'd say something about how none of them are black so we don't have the black guy dies first, but... most of the horror movies I've watched has the black guy die sort of middling if it has one at all or else specifically are referencing the trope. Still natural instinct from media and the like is a man as the protector (see heroic sacrifice) so it makes you more prone to worry about their safety (regardless of the validity of it).

Grieving protagonist lady finds the next part of the journey. Or she thinks she does. It's a tiny hole that a guy probably couldn't get through and which they have to swim part of the way through. This seems like the wrong path. One of them even states as much. It's like a how not to go spelunking at the moment. They ought to take a look around for another path, but they aren't (it'd insult her after all) so they instead follow that path. One of them (Sarah, the grieving protag) gets stuck because she has a bag. She also has a total break down with elements of claustrophobia. And then a rock shifts almost crushing her, and the entire tunnel collapses.

Scene is sort of intense, but you know she's not going to die. They're all fine for now, but they lost the ropes and are caved in.

The truth comes out. They aren't in Boreham Caverns. They're in a new cave system that no one has explored before. The rest are justifiably pissed at Juno for lying to them (though they ought to have known something was up). Juno notes that she lost something in that crash too (she was banging Sarah's husband) and they move on.

They reach a place where one of them has to ninja warrior across a pit by hanging off the roof. Thankfully they're not all guys, cause guys are heavy and grip strength is not great for them. She finds a piton in the ceiling already, though, meaning they're not the first ones in this cave.

Juno, being a death seeker, goes the hard way, reclaiming the rope and along the way. She gives the excuse that they need everything they've got which is true enough, but she slips but survives slamming into the cliff face. She also points out the obvious: Whoever came this way before didn't make it out. It's most likely a dead end. Also they went through most likely 100+ years ago due to the age of the piton.

They find a cave painting of the mountain, and 2 caves. Of course this is an ancient cave painting. It gives hope, but... who knows if it's still true. There's also a hint of there being something else in there with them?

Oooh we see them use the old fire trick for getting out of a cave (you find an air flow). Then Holly runs off and falls down a hole in a rush for 'daylight'.She smashes her leg and bone is exposed. My stomach churning fascination with gore comes out wanting to see more, but her shin is broken and stabbed through her flesh. It's disgusting but effective. Thankfully one of them is a med student... who has to push the bone back in. I am not easily affected by 'gore' and the field operation is fun to watch, but if you're queasy about such things.

More signs that they're not alone, and we see the creature. It's humanoid, pale white, and agile. Of course Sarah is the one who saw it and she's prone to hallucinations so Juno doesn't believe it.

Sarah thinks it's a man. Med-student says doesn't matter they need out of there for Holly. No one points out that if it was a man who ran from them he might not be willing to help. And the daylight was 'phosphorous in the rock' but phosphorous doesn't glow constantly and they weren't shining a light on it when they saw it. This feels weird. Still they find hundreds of dead animals. Sarah, in the middle of the animal kill pit starts screaming out to people. And then Count Orlok is behind one of them and it runs, scrambling up onto the roof of the cave, but now they've all seen it and it's ot human.

My ankles itch. And Holly's throat is bitten out, by the crotchless cave vampire, who then runs off only to return when Juno tries to steal its kill. It starts fighting her like an animal over its kill, and Juno hits it with an ice axe, but it has friends. Or maybe I should be saying he. Ken doll as they are it's definitely got masculine secondary sexual characteristics.

Our second death is Juno, having just fought off two of them, killing the person who came up behind her without saying anything. It's pure reflex action, and the approach was horribly stupid (though actually I think her light broke, still voices), but that doesn't wholly ruin the scene. Still we have Juno on her own in the dark, and then we have Rebecca, Sarah, and I'm not sure if Rebecca is Med-Student or not.

Still eventually Sarah sleeps for we have a scene of her waking up in the midst of human skeletons this time (and a pipe of some sort? Maybe it's a can of nuclear waste?). Maybe she was knocked out since this is where they eat Holly. The scene is gruesome, bloody, and kind of scary. I want the cat off my lap so I can raise my leg. My other leg isn't raising either though.

Sarah almost barfs but holds back, and thankfully these creatures don't have the best darkness adapted senses as while it reacts to the sound, and starts sniffing her it doesn't seem able to tell she's there without a light on. Strange for cave dwellers. Juno's shouts scare it off.

Also oddly 'beeping watch that sounds unnatural as can be' attracts them, but human voices scare them... except then attract them. It's weird.

So having thought too much on the creatures' behavior and evolutionary adaptations (I like making up creatures so I think on these things) I'm a little pulled out of things. Doesn't help that the movie has entered a lull after a few payoffless scenes of danger. Still I can feel the vestiges of that fear.

One of the creatures swings down at Rebecca and she tells Sam (med-school girl) to run; protective big sis that she is. When Juno kills this one, Rebecca stops out of arms reach and starts panting in terror until Juno recognizes her, Juno also doesn't reflex lash out, but this is still smarter approach.

We're told that they're totally blind and have echolocation. That's why they've been attracted to light. They don't have pupils.

Still Juno has badassed her way into finding the markings of the prior spelunker(s), and saving Sam and Rebecca, but she refuses to leave without Sarah. Beth warns Sarah not to go near Juno, still surprisingly alive but in the feasting chamber. This is bad advice, but I can understand how. Beth also tells Sarah that her husband was cheating on her with Juno. Sarah has to mercy kill Beth.

And one foot up when a creature jumps on Sarah from behind. We see a female of the species. She looks like a hag from D&D. Sarah kills the female in a pool of chili and emerges covered in tomato sauce, grabbing her torch before a male comes and starts slobbering on her as she plays dead. The others hear Sarah's scream of conquest and...strangely the fear is gone. I don't know why but I shifted a leg for comfort and it's gone. Even when a whole mass appear to chase the three other than Sarah I don't feel it. When it becomes obvious Sam is going to die soon I become a bit scared again, because I liked med student, but she dies due to stupid and apparently just a complete break down so I care less. Gets Rebecca killed too. Good going.

Juno survives through sheer badassness once again. But reuniting with Sarah she claims to have seen Beth die which... Well Beth should have been dead with that wound, so it's a reasonable claim for Juno to believe, but given what Beth said she won't be believed or trusted now. Still Sarah and her meet up and some fear returns as the creatures arrive to... Seriously get pawned in their natural element. With lots of gore.

They find a lit area and Sarah reveals that she knows about the affair and Beth (wordlessly) and when she is certain that Juno knows it, certain that more are coming, she stabs Juno on the knee and leaves her to die at their hands. A moral damnation of our heroine. Even so she finds the exit, climbing up a hill of bones to emerge to the surface reborn. And I am torn. She killed someone who had sins, but none deserving that murder (Beth's death was the fault of her stupid) and yet she is the survivor. It is an interesting moral twist, and I cannot tell whether we're supposed to find her justified in the act of murder because of the affair or... Never mind it's another hallucination and a good scare scene. Kudos film, kudos. She had fallen and so the escape didn't make that much sense, but the film had had enough that didn't already. But no, she is simply lost in her madness, a final break deep within the Earth. Quite effective.

[laughinglistener]

Girl Power & Talking Animals: The Sequel We Didn't Know We Needed

Again, not the American cover on the audiobook I listened to, but LOOK HOW AWESOME THIS IS.

Lirael

(Old Kingdom, Book Two) By Garth Nix

Format: Audio Book Narrator: The infamous Tim Curry again Length: 14 hours & 45 minutes Genres: Fiction, Young-adult, Fantasy, Adventure, Magic Take a Peek:  Audible  |  Overdrive  |  Amazon  |  Barnes & Noble  |  Goodreads

Rating: 4 Stars

The saga continues! I had some serious doubts going into this sequel since the beginning of Sabriel was such a freaking bore. But once again, the promise of Mogget and Tim Curry made me take the dive and I’m happy I did. So far this Old Kingdom series hasn’t been pulse-racingly thrilling, but it’s a fun adventure with talking animals. That’s all I really need.

THE REHASH

*For some reason, this summary is super long. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Feel free to skip my rantings and head straight to the review on the bottom. I promise not to be offended.*

The prologue opens with a mysterious man named Hedge carrying the bells of an Abhorsen, instantly making the reader question where in the Old Kingdom timeline this is taking place. Last we heard, Sabriel—the new Abhorsen—was definitely female. Is this far in the future, or far in the past? He begins speaking with another powerful sorceress named Chlorr and it becomes obvious that they are followers of Kerrigor, the evil-being Sabriel defeated in the first novel. Hedge makes Chlorr his new servant and apparently these two goons are the new evil dream team.

This book is broken up into four parts, the first taking place 14 years after the ending of Sabriel. We see a girl named Lirael, who’s turning 14 and hates birthdays. They’re just a reminder of everything she doesn’t have. She’s a member of the Clayr, a group of mostly women infamous for their ability to see into the future, and Lirael has waited her whole life to get the Sight without success. Plus, her whole aesthetic is the complete opposite of a normal Clayr who are tan skinned with blonde hair, while Lirael is pale and dark featured. Now she is alone, her father’s identity a mystery and her mother long gone, with only an abrasive aunt as family. She is an outcast in every way—no easy thing for a 14 year-old—and goes to great lengths to push people away so she can’t get hurt.

After an abysmal birthday morning, Lirael spends most of chapter two listing all the benefits of suicide and plotting how to do it. In the end she settles for jumping off a cliff. You know, casual. The Clayr’s home is already set in the mountains and they have a paper plane hanger that would be perfect to throw one’s self from, so Lirael sets off. She arrives after a long hike and immediately hides, waiting for the guards to get lost to make her final move. As she waits, a paper plane comes gliding in and we finally see Sabriel and King Touchstone. They’ve come to visit the Clayr hoping for a vision that could help their current quest. Hedge is purposely causing problems as a distraction, though they don’t know this yet—only see the effects of his actions. The older Clayr deny having any related visions, and the now married couple set off again, but not before Sabriel spots Lirael hiding in the snow. Once the two are gone, the older Clayr demand to know what Lirael is doing and she breaks down. Without giving away her plan for suicide, she admits how miserable she’s been and how worried she is about not gaining the Sight yet. For some reason, the Clayr women are shocked and ask if it would help to have a job to take her mind off things. Um, duh. Lirael is overjoyed and accepts a position in the library, making you wonder why no one offered this to the poor thing earlier.

Contrastingly, fast forward four years and Prince Sameth is busy being a wholesome, trouble-free teen playing cricket with his cricket team. On the way home from a game, they belatedly realize that the driver has been going the wrong way and leading them straight into a trap. There’s a whole lot of zombies coming and Sam demonstrates his prowess as a leader, which is important because you’ll want to slap him in the coming chapters. Recognizing that the undead are being controlled by another necromancer, Sam decides to go into death to find them. On the other side, he sees Hedge who immediately tries to cast a control spell. It’s obvious that this entire plot was a grand scheme to get to Sam specifically and he just manages to thwart Hedge with some pretty kick ass moves. Sam goes back to reality barely making it out alive, with Hedge following close behind, determined to get control of the prince. For an awful moment it appears that Hedge succeeds, embedding something evil in his opponent’s heart, but we learn that he mistakenly hit Sam’s friend Nicholas instead. Nick is now unknowingly the host of an awful spirit that the creepy Hedge is trying to please. It’s all very Harry Potter, Professor Quirrell-esque.

via GIPHY

The cricket team narrowly escapes and they all go home, unaware that the danger has just begun.

While Sam recovers from the attack physically, he still suffers from post-traumatic stress and has become paralyzingly afraid of death (the place, not death death)—not too convenient for the Abhorsen-in-waiting. For a long while we follow Sam while he mopes about the castle, wondering how to tell his mother he doesn’t wish to be the next Abhorsen. We also see him get bossed around by his insensitive older sister Ellimere, which is apparently suppose to show us that she’ll be a great Queen someday. Just as the two royal siblings get word from their parents that things in the kingdom have gone from bad to worse, Sam receives a letter from Nick saying he’s coming to visit. This would be good news, but Nick didn’t want to bother Sam to come pick him up, so he decided to hire a random guide instead. It’s so obvious this “guide” is Hedge that even Sam sees how sketchy the situation is and decides to sneak out of the castle to go save his friend.

The now 18 year-old Lirael, on the other hand, is having a grand time working at the library by day and exploring it’s hidden rooms at night. She’s very gifted with charter magic and uses it to sneak around after hours. During one of these excursions she accidentally unleashes a freaky praying mantis monster and in the chaos, finds a little dog figurine. Once she manages to get away safely, she casts a spell to bring the dog figurine to life and OH MY GOD THERE’S A TALKING DOG NOW. Sassy Tim Curry dog is just as amazing as sassy Tim Curry cat and ALL MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE. Together they team up to defeat the scary praying mantis and explore the library in more depth, eventually finding the secrets of Lirael’s past hidden in one of the old rooms. The elder women of the Clayr help her find some answers and confess they’ve seen Lirael in a vision helping a sick young man.

They send her on a quest to find him, where she sails—quite literally—into Prince Sameth and they discover they’re looking for the same person. Both Lirael and Sam join forces to save Nick and *crosses fingers* defeat Hedge. In the end, we’re left on a cliffy and have to read book three to find out what happens.

THE GOOD

My main gurl Lirael is awesome and I really loved the parts told from her perspective. Even when she was having a major pity-party at the beginning, on the verge of throwing herself off a cliff, she was still relatable. What person hasn’t felt like an outcast at some point during their life? Plus, the Clayr seemed so oblivious to her plight that it really made me feel for Lirael. Once she gets the job in the library, though, she becomes a magical bad ass and it was amazing to watch her grow as a character.

Plus, let’s not forget Lirael’s bff, the TALKING DOG. Mogget the cat really saved me during the first novel and the Disreputable Dog (I’m calling her DD for short—that name is way too long.) saved me during this one. It’s kind of poetic. I’m really hoping this is a theme that runs throughout the series and we’ll just get more and more talking animals. Talking dragon. Talking horse. Talking bird. Talking fish. The possibilities are endless. When Mogget and DD finally met and bantered together towards the end it made the whole book for me.

I also think Garth Nix did a good job in the way he arranged the plot, and it really made everything more exciting. The way he switches perspectives between the two characters is great, and it helped build a lot of excitement for when Sam and Lirael finally meet. At the end of Sabriel, there was a time crunch and a sense of urgency that this book was lacking since it cuts off before the main confrontation. Breaking it up into different parts and characters was a good way to compensate for that.

And I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again. Tim Curry makes this audiobook worth listening to. He has the best voice and does an amazing job acting out the story. I have already mentally added “animal voices” to the list of reason why I love Tim Curry so much.

THE UGLY

By the end, Sam is not my favorite person. It’s odd because I started off really loving him after that whole cricket team battle, but my opinion just got progressively worse and worse as the story went on. When he goes into death to hunt for Hedge, some horrible things happen and it’s completely understandable that this would freak him out. I never blamed him for the post-traumatic stress, and even felt for the guy when he went back home and had to deal with his awful sister without any help from his parents. After a while though, his whining starts to get old and by the end I wanted to kick him. My new literary best friend Lirael is making plans to go save Nick, and Sam says he wants to stay back and let her go without him. What?!? Are you kidding me right now? After everything you’ve been through and the countless times she’s saved your sorry butt, you’re just going to let Lirael rescue Nicholas (who’s your friend to begin with, by the way) alone? UGH. GTFO. I think part of the problem is that the book cuts off and we only see half of Sam’s character transformation, but that doesn’t make it any less infuriating.

Plus, I can’t lie, parts of this book were a little boring for me. Particularly Sam’s sections that depict him depressingly roaming about the castle and dancing terribly as a bird. I loved Lirael so much that I found myself anxiously awaiting her parts and not paying too much attention to his. It was nowhere near as dull as the first one, but still a little on the subdued side nonetheless.

FINAL WORD

This was really fun to listen to and definitely a better overall book than the first one. How often does that happen? If you liked the ending of Sabriel and loved the characters, this is definitely worth reading. All of the good ones come back and I really enjoyed seeing the story continue. On to the third!

And again, do yourself a solid and LISTEN TO THE AUDIOBOOK.

Girl Power & Talking Animals: The Sequel We Didn’t Know We Needed was originally published on Laughing Listener

[kraken-spines]

Masks by E.C.Blake (2013)

First Line: “From atop a nameless mountain, the Autarch of Aygrima watched another of his villages burn.” 

Ugh. This was horrible. I’ve been procrastinating on writing reviews because this will be a rant. It slipped into my possession since my library didn’t put it in the YA section. But I guess the constant rape threats put this one in the adult section. I don’t know. It’s just really bad.  

Mara, a fifteen year old girl has a ‘Gift’. Meaning she can see magic. Except something goes wrong at her masking and she gets kidnapped 45325383 times but she’s still pretty and magical though so don’t worry. 

~Spoilers~

The Good: 

Really, there is nothing. My general association with masks in fantasy is that it means social or political intrigue and assassins. There is none in this book. That’s my fault. 

The Bad:

Gratuitous Rape - I’m completely fine with rape being in books. It’s a matter of how it’s used. Mara has at least 12 rape threats in this book, 

Boys will be Boys - Mara thinks it’s funny that boys wanted to fondle/oogle/dress her unconscious body after she was nearly raped. Again. Why does she think it’s funny? Because they’re the ‘handsome good guys she’s known for 3 minutes’. Honestly it’s one of the weirdest scenes in the book. Along with the needless upskirt scene we get early one with a guard boy looking up 12 year old Mara’s tunic. 

Waiting to be rescued - It’s basically one of Mara’s passions in life. And that’s what the whole book is about. 

Deus Ex Machinimas Galore! - Where do I start?

-When Mara is disfigured for life by her mask coming off the Healer gives her a new face and she no longer is scarred even though Mara’s face was ripped off. Because Mara’s main attribute is being pretty, we can’t mess that up I guess.

-Unmasked Army saves Mara in the nick of time before she actually has to do any mining. 

-Mara still has her magic. Even though all other unmasked do not. And she’s just as strong as before. And she could see all the colors of the rainbow before. Which no one else could do. Wow. So amazing. 

-Survived going down a river at night when she didn’t know how to swim and held on a log to survive. Yeah. Um. Good luck with that in real life. 

-The hut that Mara is assaulted in just so happens to be full of magique. She also gets rid of Grute’s body using her magic. Even though every other gifted person in the Aygrima world needs to be trained to use magic especially to the extent she does. But Mara doesn’t because she’s a ~natural~. 

-Katia and a random boy managed to get Mara out to the surface alive after Katia broke her arm so badly the bone popped out and Mara hit her head on a rock. 

-Ethelda the healer manages to save Mara again. Randomly. Saving Mara’s life and prevents her from getting scars and tells Mara not to worry because the scar that Mara is left with can be hidden under her hair... Um. I think she has bigger problems then a little scar. And why would someone wear their hair loose when working in mines anyways? 

-Mara also doesn’t need to touch magic to make it work. Making her even MORE  of a special snowflake.

Everyone urinates, but I shouldn’t need to read about it every single time - For a book so fascinated with bodily functions there’s never any mention of periods. Granted, Mara apparently doesn’t have one, so she’s basically on the cusp of having a medical concern granted this is never addressed  as an issue. Which means in future books it’s either A) Never addressed or B) Made into some super revolutionary moment which is just silly in most circumstances. And kind of tells me, as a reader, between Mara’s childishness, height, and growth Blake really wanted to write about a 12 or 13 year old. Not a 15 year old. Why is Mara diapered so often? And why is this always crucial for Mara to lament over for a paragraph or six?

Shallow, Lazy, Conflicting Worldbuilding - Nuff said. Why do masked people get to rape when that’s penalized when they go for a masking? Wouldn’t the mask break? Why would anyone agree to being masked in the first place? How can people control a 13 year old’s experience with magic if they can’t even keep one in the house? It’s just a cliche evil villain fantasy setting. Also this: 

THE WORLDBUILDING IS TAUGHT TO THE READERS IN A SCHOOL SETTING. It’s really condescending, I’m too old for this. 

It doesn’t get much lazier than that. And there isn’t really much to teach. But Blake Mara’s teachers really seem to think so. 

Mara - Gaping, Gasping, Embarrassed, Flushing, Flat and Pretty. And crying for her “stoofy” and her “Daddy” never have I ever heard a 15 year old talk how Mara talks. It’s just cringe worthy and infantalizing. She makes dumb choices, all the time. She’s got the personality of a 3 year old which is probably why she can still see all the colors of magic. 

Why would she go bathing alone when she knew Grute was on the loose? If she wanted to go bathing why wouldn’t she go with another one of the girls? This made no sense at all. 

Women are weak or mean, Men aren’t-  Woman who treats Mara like a little sister? Dies. Girl that Mara tries to befriend and save? Commits murder suicide. Woman that supersedes Mara in rank at the mines? Threatens Mara. Mara’s mother? Chastises her constantly, is oblivious to the fate of her daughter and isn’t as cool as ‘Daddy’. Mara’s BFFL? Ignores Mara once she’s masked. Unmasked army leader? Plays tough love with Mara. Plastic Surgeon woman? Reveals Mara’s secret to the person in charge. Random girl who gets her masking? She’s got large breasts and a ‘stupid flower mask’. 

The only female character that seemed like a good friend for Mara was the girl who kicked Grute and she barely shows up in favor of the pervy boys. Ugh. All positive and strong characters are male. It’s particularly telling when Mara is hostage again and she wishes for various men to save her. Not for a single woman nor does she try to plot her own escape. She might as well be a rock with a bunch of magic considering how passive she is for majority of the book. Granted we have a few creepy men but they’re all ugly so that means they’re bad and scary. 

Edrik validating Mara’s assault - This scene was so messed up. Who the fuck makes a sexual assault victim go back to the scene just to prove it happened? Why didn’t any of the other women speak up against this? It just seemed like pointless sadism and a waste of time from ‘the good guys’. Then Keltan guilts Mara by saying he told his story about his name as well. But that is literally not the same thing. Mara is being asked to prove she was sexually assaulted and Keltan never was interogated that viciously. The two aren’t even on the same level.

Incompetent Unmasked army - Fortunately the Masked are also incompetent so it’s all good.  

Hyperfocus on breasts - I get it. Mara is flat. Who cares? Really who cares? The fact that I know more about the size of women’s breasts in this book and less about their personalities or even hair color, speaks volumes. 

Predictable - Everything that you think happens. Happens. 

The Best:

It’s over -  And I’m not going to read anything by Blake again. Lesson learned.

Overall: Don’t be like me. Masks don’t equal social intrigue or assassins. I can’t recommend this book. If you’re a fan of Deus Ex Machinas, cliches, rape as backstory, vapid protagonists  with a hint of insta-love? I guess I could. You’d really be in for a treat then. 1/5.