#also my husband isn’t straight so he didn’t mean it in a homophobic way
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racingbarakarts · 1 year ago
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I was talking to my husband about YouTubers I used to watch and I said “there was Dan and Phil, where I watched them religiously until they quit YouTube. They’re back now on the gaming channel and Phil has done some videos throughout the hiatus, I still like their videos”
And my husband said “oh I’ve seen a few of their videos years ago but I had to stop because the one guy was kinda annoying. The gay one” I wonder which one he meant
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majorgammage · 2 years ago
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My husband wondering why I’m on my phone at 3am typing away: …What if she’s talking to other guys?
Me in my iPhone notes:
—-
How lgbt+ friendly are Stardew Valley folks anyway? A breakdown of suspected character philosophies:
Objectively homophobic, repeats shitty takes on “woke culture” they heard on a podcast: Pam, Alex
Tries to debate biological sex but only cites sources 20+ years out of date: Gunther
Straight until further notice, gets your pronouns right but still calls you ugly to your face: Haley
Accidentally homophobic, but gets too defensive to learn from it: Clint
Trans and living her best life: Sandy
Also trans, has some serious work to do on himself: Shane
Educates you on ten different cultures’ worth of ideas on gender and sexuality from his travels but never talks about himself: Linus
Has enjoyed many whirlwind romances in his life and claims it doesn’t really matter as long as you’re enjoying the adventure: Professor Snail
Doesn’t have a problem with gay people but still insists they just didn’t “have those” in his day: George
Doesn’t understand what the big deal is, claims everyone knows women are just more attractive. Thinks it would be neat to live with your bff 24/7. Keeps a framed picture of her best friend on her nightstand: Evelyn
Desperately wants to be bisexual for the aesthetic, but she’s just an awkward ally—still wears a lot of rainbows and a she/her pronoun pin at work: Emily
Pansexual, but only likes you if you own a sword (WILL critique how you hold it): Abigail
Queer bffs club, everyone’s tried to date at some point but they’re not really compatible with each other or anyone else in town, so they just meet up and talk shit at the saloon: Elliot, Leah, Penny
Undecided, too busy working and being edgy to care much anyway: Sebastian
Straight, genuinely invested in getting your pronouns right—honestly one of the safest bets in town if he can get out of his parents’ house: Sam
Starts the local Gay-Straight Alliance chapter the minute Sam starts wearing nail polish. Still learning but means well: Jodi
Trying to be supportive of whatever, secretly scared Sebastian is making his son gay: Kent
Devout Yoba follower who claims to welcome everyone but definitely has Opinions despite needing a literal she-shed to escape the mundanities of her own hetero marriage: Caroline
Flies rainbow flags everywhere in June, but only to capitalize on profits: Pierre
Gay but still a shitty person, votes conservative: Morris
Kissed a guy in college but pretty sure it isn’t for him, reminds you to get tested regularly and always use protection no matter who you’re with: Harvey
Gray ace, exclusively reads queer monsterfucker fanfic and scientific journals, might consider a relationship with the right person/machine: Maru
Bisexual, needs marriage counseling in a bad way: Robin
Asexual/aromantic, self-therapized into that realization late in life but hasn’t ever discussed how that might affect, you know, his wife: Demetrius
Emotional support straight/designated mom friend: Marnie
Not gay but supportive, does a lot of extracurricular reading to support Marnie and Shane: Mayor Lewis
Husbands of 20+ years: Gil and Marlon
Former leather club gods, occasional hookups with Gil and Marlon: Willy, Grandpa
Owned the leather club, may or may not have participated: Gus
Reproduces asexually so can’t comprehend the conversation: Dwarf
Non-binary king: Krobus
Love is love, and that’s all she has to say about that: Birdie
Doesn’t really do labels, only requirement is that you’re into smooth jazz: The Bouncer
Somehow transcended gender and achieved true peace, but is gatekeeping the secret: Mr. Qi
Just here for the soup: The Governor
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vintage-bentley · 2 years ago
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If David were giving "wait and see" style answers I'd have a bit more hope but he was talking to the Radio Times which is a reputable publication in the UK so I don't feel like he'd outright lie to them about the nature of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship.
To be honest, both he and Michael have been pretty clear on this being a ~secret background story~ or whatever, and have repeatedly said it's up for interpretation, and I'm worried everybody's doing another Johnlock where they ignore what the people involved are saying and have convinced themselves they're getting confirmation that will never come. The difference is this would be even WORSE because of the marketing campaign for season 2 and Neil's baity comments.
I honestly don't think Neil would be affected by this either because the second anybody expresses disappointment the asexuals in fandom are going to make it all about them and about how society ignores and invalidates their kind of love etc. I think he'll be successfully shielded. There will be pissed off people (especially olds like me who were book fans first and have lived through this shit a billion times) and I'm sure a huge part of the fandom will be quietly seething but we simply won't be allowed to call it bait because "Neil has always said it's a love story and therefore canon uwu" (even if it's plausibly deniable to homophobes and eludes the casual viewer 🙄).
I also think it's very telling that Neil only drew attention to the fake spoilers circulating when a post appeared saying the season was "500% gay" and that Az and Crowley had many romantic scenes. He has also said that while the marketing dept at Amazon clearly love the show he would've advised them to do things differently were he not on strike.
I know we've all been interpreting David and Michael's tight-lipped squirming when asked about a romantic subplot as an attempt not the give EVERYthing away, but it could also be that they know they're not going to deliver what the audience wants (including, apparently, every single interviewer on press day lol) so have been ordered not to say anything that sets themselves up.
IF all of this does turn out to be bait I am going to become a fic writer just to spite Neil lol. Trust I will be writing the smuttiest fic and finding the nastiest NSFW Ineffable Husbands art imaginable and it will be gay, gay, GAY 😂
I still HOPE we're getting what we want because I'm an optimistic fool. I'm just not sure it's guaranteed in the way the fandom thinks it is.
(btw if this doesn't go through anonymously please message me rather than publishing? Unfortunately I have co-workers and real life friends following me on my main 😬)
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Sorry anon I couldn’t help but publish these together, it’s very funny to me 😂
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Now, I know you’ve done a complete turnaround, but I do see where you were coming from with your first ask. It’s fun to imagine that the squirmy tight-lipped attitude is them doing their best not to spoil…but it’s sadly true that it could also be them feeling like they’re walking in a minefield, knowing that fans are anticipating something they didn’t deliver.
And I agree with you about fan reception to Neil. Like I’ve said before, spicy straights thinking they can call themselves “queer” has been absolutely disastrous to our ability to talk about queerbaiting. Because that term is really supposed to mean gaybaiting. It refers to the specific trend of shows teasing a gay relationship to get viewers hooked, but never taking it anywhere to ensure they don’t loose the viewership of homophobes. But now since everyone and their mother calls themselves “queer”, they seem to think the term queerbaiting applies to them, too. Which has led us to the point where people say “actually this show isn’t queerbaiting, because they don’t show physical affection which is aro/ace representation! Not everything has to be gay!” (In other words, “this show is gaybaiting but I’m happy about that so you can’t get upset about it”).
So, even if the show ends up being perfect textbook queerbait…we can’t say that, because of how the term has been appropriated. And we’ll have to deal with spicy straights whining about how they’re oppressed by gays wanting representation.
But as I’ve said before, I’m very optimistic about it not being bait! Let’s hope we’re right!
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pterodactylterrace · 9 months ago
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Yes, he refers to them as “our” sons. Congrats, you caught me! Oh woe is me! How will I ever recover from this faux pas? With simple facts, logic, and understanding of what I’m watching.
Ever think maybe he could have a change of heart after losing his sister and feeling completely powerless about it? Nope? Not gonna consider the very obviously poor mental state he was in? Don’t care that Qarl had to drag him out of the ocean where he was basically sitting catatonic? Didn’t think maybe he wanted to feel some semblance of control after it has been denied to him multiple times? Can’t fight in the Stepstones. Can’t stay at the red keep. Can’t tell the truth about the kids his wife popped out. Can’t be openly gay. His beloved sister just died and he felt powerless because of it. He says so himself, but I’m guessing you want to ignore that line as it doesn’t fit your narrative. Certainly he wouldn’t want to feel some sense of control in his life after having none over several big issues. Nah, the obvious answer is that he was happy to be humiliated!
Your argument would hold a lot more weight if Rhaenyra didn’t cut him loose directly after this, just by the way. He was willing to do something that made him unhappy because he was depressed and feeling like a failure. She decided she wanted to fuck Daemon instead, so Laenor had to go. He was expendable to her. That’s straight cold.
“He’s OUR son, is he not?” “You’re forcing me to pretend they are mine, at least let me name one” Subtext. Not hard to understand nor interpret.
It’s not found family when your wife fucks her bodyguard and forces you to pretend they are yours. That’s a nightmare.
Who gave Rhaenyra permission to dine as she pleases? Oh, Laenor! Who agreed to let him do the same? Oh, Rhaenyra! Who also lobs homophobic comments at him? Also Rhaenyra.
Clearly she doesn’t hate the gods for making him as they did. First off, she isn’t religious. Second, if he was straight, she couldn’t fuck whoever she wanted to. Don’t confuse her selfishness with compassion. She made 3 homophobic comments in one scene. Telling him she isn’t mad that he is gay ONCE doesn’t make her less homophobic.
Who else knows about their open marriage? Harwin and Qarl. To the rest of the realm, he is being cheated on. He has the reputation of being a cuckold, because of Rhaenyra. That probably made the rumors of his homosexuality even louder. Something incredibly frowned upon in Laenor’s religion.
Rhaenyra isn’t a “friend”. Friends don’t make homophobic comments to you and then force you to leave everything behind or die because they have no further use for you.
Is it an affair or not? Is it only cheating when Laenor does it now? You are contradicting yourself here. Pick a narrative and stick with it.
Heirs? They are not his blood. They are bastards. They have no legitimate claim. He did not gain heirs. He gained a wife guilty of treason.
Now to wrap this up: Jace was born the same year Rhaenyra married Laenor. The means they tried for a MAXIMUM of 3 months before Harwin knocked her up. This was just after his boyfriend was murdered in front of him. It’s going to take more than 3 months for him to feel up to trying a new sexual experience.
Also? It is entirely possible for gay men to have sex with a woman, and even finish! I know. My older brother thought he got the girl he was experimenting with pregnant. He met the man that would become his husband a few months later. Never looked back. It’s entirely possible, given the chance for a gay man to procreate. Laenor was not given a chance. This could very well have been something he wanted (legitimate heirs) but was denied the chance because she decided to sleep with Harwin instead. Most couples aren’t considered to have fertility issues until they have tried for more than a year to get pregnant. Laenor was not given a chance.
Edit: sorry, I missed the homework assignment! So in that scene I see a deeply depressed man saying he wants to do better because he feels like a failure. Wonder why he feels like a failure. Surely not because of the way we have seen Rhaenyra treat him. I also see a woman dismissing him as he is trying to recommit himself.
That’s not platonic love. This is Laenor at his fucking breaking point and Rhaenyra casting him aside for Daemon. I feel gross having to explain that to you. This isn’t what platonic love looks like.
Laenor does not accept the Strong boys as his trueborn sons.
He admits it HIMSELF, but apparently everyone missed it.
Season 1. Episode 6.
Rhaenyra: “Dark rumors are hunting us Laenor. They nip at our heels. Questions about our son’s parentage. Vile, disgusting insinuations.”
Laenor: *scoffs* “Insinuates, are they?”
Rhaenyra: “They are our sons!”
Rhaenyra goes on about how their son’s “true father” won’t abandon them now. Laenor insists that he has played his part for the last ten years.
That sounds a lot more like Rhaenyra forcing him to play happy family in public and not him ‘accepting them as his own’. He admits he doesn’t think of them as his when he laughs at the idea that people are only insinuating they aren’t his. Even he knows how laughable the situation is. Rhaenyra then uses her station to prevent him from going to war and to stay by her side.
Y’all are aware that Rhaenyra is actually pretty abusive to Laenor, right? She isn’t above making snide homophobic remarks at him when he isn’t on her good side.
“Guzzling all the ale in flea bottom along with gods know what else” insinuates fellatio
“Wagging your sword around and winking at sailors” that’s just straight homophobic, imo. Double entendre for penis handling, and mocking him for flirting with men.
Forces him to play happy family.
Refuses to allow him to go fight like the knight he is.
That was all from a single scene, mind you! To add on, she expects him to be grateful because he has a lavish lifestyle.
Thing is… the Velaryons were one of the richest houses in the seven kingdoms. He already HAD all those things to begin with. So really, what does he even gain from this relationship? Seems like he gains ridicule from everyone that knows he is a cuckold and free berating from his wife over something he can’t even control.
Seriously, the more I watch this show, the worse I feel for Laena and Laenor. Both trapped in loveless marriages to a Targaryen that cheats on them. Oof.
(There is a deleted scene of Daemon flirting with a man while in Pentos. He was unfaithful to Laena, they chose not to show it. Hopefully because they realized what a bad look it was for two POC to be cheated on by light skinned blondes known for being obsessed with blood purity)
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daisyachain · 4 years ago
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hi!! i've been reading through your ao no flag liveblogs lately and they're really interesting! i enjoy seeing someone so passionate about this manga and it makes me want to reread it .... i'm really interested in hearing what you have to say about masumi's ending though!! part of me thinks it makes sense but i'm mostly conflicted on it and would love to see it from your perspective ^^
haha well thank you! ah yes, the arc that created as much controversy as you can get in an active readership of like 10 people...
Blue Flag is an imperfect story, but it also gets a lot of flack for things that a) didn't...actually...happen, b) didn't happen in the way people think they did.
Part 1: Is it actually straightwashing?
The most common criticism I see of Masumi's ending is that she was written as a lesbian character and straightwashed at the end. Marrying off a female character as a way to 'fix' her issues is a common and harmful trope, and saying that lesbian women just need to get a man is a widespread homophobic trope and talking point. So, it's not a good look. To have a character angst over interest in a woman and end up happily married to a guy reads like a '50s pulp novel that just uses f/f attraction for marketing.
But, if the intention of the ending was to show that Masumi should give up on women and force herself to date men, then it doesn't. Mitsuyuki's description of her is 'look at my bisexual wife who has dated both women and men and could also have married a woman', which is an odd choice if the intention was straightwashing. It feels more like a clumsy way to make sure that, in a series full of ambiguity, there could be no argument that Masumi was queer. That isn't to say that cisstraight people don't view bisexuality as less/better than/straighter than her being lesbian and that making a previously gay character bisexual isn't still straightwashing (increasing the appearance of straightness).
Part 2: Was it actually a retcon?
So: Masumi's ending reaffirms that she's a WLW. One question is, was she always meant to be bisexual, or was she originally written as lesbian?
Blue Flag doesn't have a lot of straight (no pun intended) answers. Taichi never expresses any explicit attraction to guys, but there is enough subtext to suggest he's attracted to Touma well before the finale. Futaba believes she is attracted to Touma at first and is shown to be attracted to him using the visual shorthand of manga (blushing, etc.), but she later says that it was just misinterpreted admiration. Mami doesn't want to date Touma or any man, but she implies that she is attracted to Touma when she says around him she was 'glad to be a woman.' Within the main romance, Futaba says that it was specifically because Taichi was a friend to her that she grew to like-like him. The lines between friendship and romance are blurred in Blue Flag, and sometimes romance can only grow out of friendship.
Masumi has a tense conversation with Taichi in the first half after she breaks up with her boyfriend that most people (me included) read as her saying that she tried guys and she just isn't and can't be attracted to them. However, it's Blue Flag, so the conversation is unfocused and doesn't paint a complete picture.
"Even if I get a boyfriend, I can never make it work"/"I don't know why [I don't like him anymore]" seem to imply that Masumi realized that she was feeling compulsory heterosexuality and that she will never like men. "[I don't know] why he like someone like me"/"You can be friends with potential sexual partners? With both guys and girls?"/"I just wanted to hear how you men feel about [a girl liking other girls]" seem to imply that Masumi is bisexual and is afraid to date because someone might find out. Maybe she's written as questioning--she knows she likes Futaba, but she's feeling out other possibilities. It's Blue Flag, so it's unclear.
Part 3: How does it work with Masumi's arc?
Diving further into Masumi's story, she acts as a foil to Touma (and Futaba, see later). Touma feels free to show his affection for Taichi as a friend as well as a love interest and almost confesses to him of his own free will, well before he's forced to. Touma tells her that he intends to try and set Taichi up with Futaba (because they would be good for each other), and also that he intends to pursue Taichi in some way. He tells her he's "not like [her]."
For Masumi's part, she tells Touma that she wants to express more affection for Futaba--not necessarily in a romantic way, just to participate more fully in that relationship--but she's afraid to, she doesn't feel confident enough to try, and that she's "the worst" because of it. We see this theme repeated, that Masumi is pessimistic, is afraid to trust people and hates herself for being afraid. Her conversations with Aki and Mami explore this; Aki tells her that it's not bad to be insecure or unready and that it's fine to keep a secret/stay closeted until she's ready, Mami tells her that she does have people she can trust, who care about her and who will do their best to understand her and help out. Why am I typing all this out? Because Masumi is a bitter, insecure wlw and that is an Established Trope, but her twist on it is that her negativity or bitterness isn't over her attraction to women/to Futaba or even over the reaction she might get from others (as Touma's is), it's over her own insecurity. Like Futaba, she's hesitant to act on her feelings, and like Futaba, she gets frustrated and hates herself for her own inaction.
All that is to say--Masumi is never shown to have a problem with her attraction to women. Her angst isn't gayngst, she's not ashamed of her feelings for Futaba bur rather her inability to express them. Her problems are with social attitudes and more with her own personal feelings--she and Touma face similar problems, but Touma is simply aware of the consequences (being roughed up and ostracised by a certain group of people) while Masumi feels a more generalized and ambiguous fear.
If Masumi were shown to have mixed feelings about her queerness/were shown to be in denial/were shown to be trying to move on from Futaba, then her ending would read more as straightwashing. As it is, there's nothing in her character and arc to say that she'd ever want to erase that part of herself or get rid of it, rather, she wishes she could embrace it but she just doesn't feel confident in doing it. Her ending shows her as an openly bisexual woman who is out to her friends and husband at the very least, which is a completion of her arc in the manga (of learning to trust other people and express her feelings honestly).
Part 4: What context clues does the rest of the series give us?
This is branching off a little from the strict text of Parts 1-3. As I've said, as we know, Blue Flag is 50% subtext and interpretation. Characters speak, but they don't say what they mean, characters think, but they're not always honest with themselves or in tune with reality. Mami is an ominous and antagonistic figure in the first half, but then it just turns out that Taichi was jumping to conclusions. Taichi is the main character and narrator, but we get radio silence from him for like 7 chapters after the climax. Taichi is bisexual, but the reader has to guess that from the way the art style shifts between PoVs, the similar panelling between Futaba and Touma's confessions, the things he does and does not think about Touma and how he feels about them. It's safe to say that there is room for speculation.
First, there is no explicit evidence that Taichi could be bisexual before ch 54. It's easy to tell that he is, but again, there's nothing specific. Some people reading Blue Flag have said that him marrying Touma was out of character, unforeshadowed, bizarre, inexplicable, etc. because their experienced is coloured by their own heterosexuality. Masumi is shown to have dated a guy and in saying she didn't like him "anymore," implied that she did like him. Her conflicted feelings over her bf could well have been foreshadowing her liking men as well, and my reading that as comphet could have just been my own experience colouring the text. Who knows! Taichi's bisexuality was intentional from the start but could be read as a last-minute twist, so why not Masumi's?
Second, Mitsuyuki is Futaba 2.0. Same colouring, same personality. This could feel like a way of saying "Masumi just needs to like guys instead," but to me it reads deeper with some of the trans subtext around Futaba. One of my issues with Blue Flag is that it doesn't go further into Futaba's admiration/envy for masculinity and her uncomfortable relationship with femininity. As a cis woman who wants to be buff and mildly masculine, I can understand why she's a cis girl throughout and I don't necessarily think that she was supposed to be a trans guy. However, her relationship with masculinity draws a parallel to Mitsuyuki. Reading Mitsuyuki as a cis man, he is the combination of Futaba's personality and looks with her 'ideal form.' So, Masumi marrying Mitsuyuki can read as Masumi marring Ascended FutabaTM.
Third, Futaba having a faceless prop husband is interesting in the context of Mitsuyuki getting a name and personality. Mitsuyuki = Futaba and Mr. Kuze is a blank space, so the reader is prompted to reduce the scenario and slot Masumi into that blank space. Given Masumi and Touma's history as foils, I'm inclined to think that Mitsuyuki exists to show the road not taken. Back at the fireworks, Touma tells Masumi that he hasn't given up on Taichi, and Masumi says she doesn't intend to pursue Futaba even though the pining is making her miserable. Given that Futaba reacts a lot better to the idea of Masumi liking her than Taichi reacts to the idea of Touma liking him, given that we see Masumi has successfully wooed male!Futaba, I think that Masumi's ending shows that she could have ended up with Futaba if she chose to pursue her. She didn't and she still got a happy ending where she is confident in her sexuality and unafraid to trust, but she could have also had a happy ending where she married Futaba. Mitsuyuki is a man because desire-for-masculinity is a key aspect of Futaba's character, and Mitsuyuki is a named character with a personality because KAITO wanted the reader to know that Masumi could have ended up with Futaba (as Touma ended up with Taichi).
Fourth, KAITO's notes on volume give us a few hints. He comments that there was remarkably little interference with his story and that he was able to tell it as he wanted, and that the ending was meant to be a "question" to the reader. The way I see it, Masumi's ending wasn't meant to say "maybe you'll be fixed if you get a man" but rather was meant to complement Taichi's ending and say "things happen in ways you might not expect, but that doesn't mean they're bad."
Fifth, Touma/Taichi ending up together shows us that the series is willing and able to show queerness as a good thing and a happy ending, so it's unlikely that Masumi was meant to come off as "actually she just needed a man" and more as "life can be unpredictable but you can always find happiness"
Summary
It's unclear whether Masumi was written as a bisexual woman or a lesbian woman or a questioning wlw
I personally read her as a lesbian and I wish that part of her character had gotten more exploration
Masumi's ending wraps up her arc (struggling to trust other people with her feelings in general and her queerness in particular) in a satisfying and logical way
Masumi being bisexual does not in any way negate or lessen her identity and experienes as a wlw, bisexual people still face external and internalized homophobia and all the associated issues
Masumi's bisexuality may well have been foreshadowed, but the execution makes it easier to read her as a lesbian, which makes her ending seem like a homophobic cop-out in the style of the Hays Code
Masumi's ending doesn't straightwash her and goes to unusual lengths to affirm her attraction to women
Masumi's ending seems to be written to contrast Touma's ending, showing that getting or not getting the love interest depends entirely on whether you choose to pursue them
It's unlikely that authorial intent was to straightwash Masumi
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unprofessional-bard · 4 years ago
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Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. I
Losing My Religion Series Masterlist
Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist
Previous Chapter • Next Chapter
Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC
Warnings: TW for homophobia, homophobic guy gets kicked in the balls. mostly angst: tense situations, back story reveal (hints to disturbing cult activities/religious trauma??). smut: vulnerable/desperate sex, reader and joel being in love and soft w each other.
Summary: The reader and Joel unintentionally get more tangled up with Kiki and Ward –going on patrols, doing town duties with them etc.– which leaves the reader frustrated.
Word Count: 7.060
Author's Note: I feel like I proofread this 500 times but my apologies if it still sucks 😭
Enjoy!
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"I think we earned a small break, don't you think so, Captain?" Kurt extended a beer bottle to you.
"I guess so, colonel," You offered a vague smile and reluctantly took the bottle from him.
"Oh, c'mon, cheer up (Y/N)!" Kurt put an arm around you and chuckled ironically. "It's the 4th of July..."
"Sure," You patted his back but appreciated his enthusiasm nevertheless. "It just doesn't sit right with me that all these other people in the QZ don't have the- the luxury we have."
"Oh, I know," Kurt let his arm go and nodded bitterly. "It ain't just, but there's not much we can do."
You nodded as well: "Well, be back in 5, gotta go piss."
Kurt laughed heartily and waved his hand at you as you walked away from the open area to wash your face, hoping to wash away the guilt as well. It was your first time in a different QZ– Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to be more specific and you weren't exactly having a good time. A big part of your company was wiped out, which had ultimately triggered your survivor's guilt. The situation was out of your control when hunters, bandits and a surprise horde of infected got involved; everyone acknowledged how there wasn't anything you could do, except for yourself. It had been 5 years into this apocalyptic mess, yet you still had trouble adjusting to it... but then again, no one ever really did.
When you reached the shared toilet areas, there were only three cabins. One was occupied, one was completely empty without the toilet itself and the other was simply too dirty.
You heard heavy breathing from the occupied cabin, and instinctively decided to knock on the door to make sure the person inside was alright: "Hey, is everything..."
The moment you knocked the second time on the door, it opened just a smidge to reveal two men kissing, which made you gasp loudly and step back while alerting them.
"Oh god! I'm so sorry–"
"Oh shit–!"
You went to close the door, but immediately decided to turn around in panic, thinking: Fuck, fuck, fuck!
"I'm really sorry! I just wanted to use the toilet since the others are, well– Uh–"
"Fuck, what are we going to–" You heard one of them speak, panicked.
"Relax, it'll be fine," The other one reassured.
"Look, it's uh–" You tried again, slowly turning to walk out of there. "I wasn't here, we never saw each other, okay?"
"No, wait!" You felt a ghostly hand on your arm, but he didn't grab it, just tapped once to get your attention. "Please, you can't tell anyone!"
You raised your hands up mid air to do a stop gesture, trying to get him and his partner to calm down: "No, of course I won't!"
"Wait," The other man with blue eyes stepped out of the cabin. "You won't? You don't mind... us?"
"Mind you? It's none of my business to begin with," You assured both of them. "What happened here stays between us– hell, I wasn't even here as we speak."
"Thank you," He smiled and saw the way he clung onto his partner's –whom you noticed had hazel fleeing to green eyes– hand with his fingers. "Most people around here don't... appreciate us."
You nodded bitterly, a small, sad smile on your face: "I'm so sorry, I wish I could do something for the both of you–"
"What's going on here then?" A deep voice called from behind you, when you noticed a little too late how the man with green eyes' expression shifted to one of fear.
You turned around to meet a face you weren't familiar with: "Why do you wish to know?"
"Why do I wish t–" The guy gave you an incredulous look, interrupted himself and asked. "Identify yourselves."
"Corporal Robin Lazewski," Said the man with the blue eyes.
"Sergeant Cole Doxon." Green eyes followed.
"And you, missy?" The man stood before you at arms length with a sneer.
"Captain," You corrected him. "(Y/N) (L/N). Who might you be?"
The man's sneer disappeared when he realised your ranks were the same, but he still looked displeased: "Captain Phillip Moore. Now, I'll ask you again. What are you doing here?"
The question was more directed at Robin and Cole rather than you, and you knew why, so you stepped in: "Nothing that should worry you, Captain."
"Oh, but I know what's been going on. Had my eye on you two for awhile now enough to know exactly what type of people you are."
"These men are from my company, Captain," You intervened again, lying through your teeth without thinking about the consequences. "If you have a complaint, we can gladly take this up to Colonel Kurt Greenwood, as he is our superior."
The name made Phillip take a step back, clearly making him nervous: "Tsk, no thanks. Don't need to get more involved with your kind."
"If you wanna say something, mister, go right ahead," You growled and took a step forward, risking the possibility of a few days of detention without hesitation. The tension thickened, and thickened, and thickened then finally...
————
"Woah, wait, you just lied out of your ass to him?" Ellie suddenly interrupted you.
"Yeah," You sighed. "If he knew that they were actually from Pittsburgh I would've been... fucked."
"Shit," Ellie sighed. "Guy didn't even know his own soldiers... and then?"
"He said a few unkind words about them, and, well, I kicked him in the balls."
"Are you serious?" Ellie's eyes grew wider, beginnings of a laugh bubbling up in her chest.
"Hell yeah," You offered her your first smile the whole time you'd been lying in your bed together. She came to visit you for the evening, which was no doubt Joel's idea but it was nice of him of course, and ultimately decided to stay the night like you both did from time to time. Your husband, on the other hand, went to stay over at Tommy's to give you both some space.
"Dolly, you were both awesome and out of your mind! What if he caught you? Did they find out?" She asked, squirming where she laid.
"I got away with kicking him at that moment, got the boys out of there and went straight to Kurt." You put an arm under your pillow: "Told him we had to make a transfer, explained the reason. He got mad at me, sure, but he had some connections in the QZ. Later on the guy made a complaint about all of us, but all Kurt said was: Maybe you should worry more about the people suffering in the QZ rather than two people kissing. Maybe then, you can control these uprisings."
"Man," She giggled. "I wish I met Kurt– all of your team. You all were so fucking cool."
You gave her a crooked smile, the pains of your old wounds hurting as if they were new: "He was right, too." She gave you a curious look. "There are more important things people should worry themselves with rather than town gossip, like survival and keeping Jackson running."
Ellie averted her eyes at your words: "Yeah..."
"Look, I may not have the same fierceness I did when I was 25, but that's never going to stop me from kicking someone's balls if they disrespect you." She huffed a brief laugh at your words: "Jokes aside... You know, you can tell Joel, right?"
"Ugh, I don't wanna think about it," She groaned and turned to the right, face directed at the ceiling.
"Take your time. I'm not saying you should tell him, just letting you know that you can, if you want to."
"Sure, thanks..." She stared at the wall for awhile, the moonlight shining directly onto her beautiful features. After a while, she said: "I don't feel like he's being too honest with me, actually."
Your heart skipped a beat at her words: "How do you mean?"
She took her time with her reply: "He ever talked to you about what happened? Before we got here?"
"Not much."
"What about my... immunity?" Her eyes shifted to yours.
You felt like a piece of shit lying to her, making the burden on your shoulder get heavier. The bed felt like it could swallow you when you spoke nonchalantly: "Again, not much. Told me there were a dozen or so more immune people, that they ran some tests and–"
"Yeah, he took me out of there. Unconscious." She sighed and you felt like your uneasiness was showing, but actually you kept your composure. "Do you really believe that?"
This time you took a bit long to answer, walking over the minefield with careful steps: "I'm... I don't know, I'm not really buying it." She gave you a worried look: "But it isn't my business to interfere, either. I really don't know what to tell you."
Ellie just nodded and continued staring at the ceiling afterwards: "I just wish..."
"Yeah?"
"Nevermind."
You nodded, glad the conversation didn't go where you thought it would, relaxing into the mattress: "I heard Tommy brought you one of the comics you were dying to read."
"Yeah," She quietly took a deep breath.
"And? D'you like it?"
"I did actually," She seemed more enthusiastic than a moment ago, which made you relax even more. "But there was another cliffhanger! It wasn't the final volume!"
The next morning Joel stopped by briefly to get his stuff for patrol, kissed you goodbye while you were having breakfast with Ellie, then left. That's when she spoke up: "So? What are we doing today?"
"We?" You raised a brow.
"I got a day off, and you look miserable," She commented. "Not about to let that go to waste, so..."
"I was just planning on lying down for a bit."
"You've been lying down for ever, it's time you did something else!"
"Ellie I really don't have the energy for– for anything, right now." You sighed and helped her with the dishes.
"So... you also don't have the energy for the new game Jesse brought?" She side eyed you, offering a mischievous smile.
You hated feeling like this, not being able to do things with people you cared about because you simply couldn't. Everyone was understanding, of course, but you hated how this feeling had become a part of you overtime; way before you had reached Jackson, and before the death of your family. You even found comfort in it to a certain level, but if you could, you'd gladly get rid of it with a single snap of your fingers.
"I'd like nothing more honestly," You wiped your hands on a small towel on the counter and looked at her: "But we'll see, you know how I get."
If there was someone who helped you get back on your feet as quickly as Ellie and Joel, it was Maria – and Tommy.
But sometimes you really doubted if Maria truly was a maker of right decisions.
It was your first patrol with Ellie where you two went outside, very much like the patrols you took on, but it was still a bit new for her. She wanted to get involved with the patrols sooner than Joel liked: She's too young, it's too early for her, he'd say, but even though it's no age for her to be even seeing the stuff she saw, going through everything she went through, you were on Ellie's side on the matter. She was capable of handling patrols with you, or Joel and others; she was also more skilled than all the kids her age, but a part of you also wanted to keep her safe behind the walls of Jackson.
After a lot of reasoning with Joel, you had managed to convince him and were on your way to start the ski lodge route with Ellie. Maria had told you you'd be meeting with a couple of other people to do a sweep afterwards, but she was hesitant to tell you who. You knew something was afoot, for Maria never was a person to mince her words; it initially gave you an idea about who might be waiting for you, but at least you had Ellie to help calm your nerves. You hitched your horses at the entrance, then walked through the doors. Your jaw clenched and your posture visibly tensed when your theories were proven right and you saw who was inside.
Kiki and Ward.
You internally cringed when you made eye contact with Ward, who was... talking with Joel?
What the fuck is going on?
"'bout time!" Tommy appeared out of nowhere, startling you. "You're half an hour late, we were startin' to get worried."
"What's going on?" Ellie spoke instead of you.
"Well, we'll be heading back," He patted Ellie on the shoulder. "While the others'll do a sweep."
"But we just got here?" Ellie protested. "I thought Dolly and I–"
"Yeah, Tommy, what the fuck?" You whispered and stepped closer to him.
He huffed, it was his signature I'm just gonna put it out here so listen carefully stance: "Maria asked that you solve the issue between you and Ward."
"She didn't ask me shit, Tommy, just told me to get my ass over here. Without a heads up." You sighed and he gave you an apologetic shrug: "She's right, but is patrol really the right time for this?"
"Just shake hands and try to get along, you're partnered up with him."
Your eyes widened: "Tommy–"
"It'll be fine, (Y/N), don't worry." He said reassuringly. "Walt and Bruce went over to the back, you can fetch them and start. C'mon Ellie."
She squeezed your hand in an encouraging manner and followed Tommy out. You rubbed your face and ran a hand through your hair, then finally turned and walked over to the three: "Alright, I'll go get Walt and Bruce, then we can go."
"Sure," Joel offered a small smile and got up from where he was sitting with Kiki, but Ward remained seated with his arms crossed. You took it as an indication to wait for the others to leave so you two could finally talk.
"Well..." You said awkwardly.
"I'm sorry for punching you," He said, straight out, without dwelling on anything. "I get ahead of myself sometimes. I can't really control it when I get angry, I– I never knew how to. It was my only way to survive... and protect Kiki."
You blinked several times at how genuine he was, even his hard expression was softened to some point: "It's, uh– it's okay. Thank you, and sorry, for your nose I mean. It was a reflex."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," He nodded and got up, towering over you, then extended a hand over to you. "We're good?"
"Sure, 'course," You nodded and shook his hand. He pursed his lips and walked out, leaving you a little stunned. You immediately sighed in relief and made your way to the back room, where your memories of fucking with Joel resurfaced and made you smile a little.
"Alright, c'mon you guys, let's go–" You walked into the room and right then, you heard panicked shuffling with a gasp. When you understood what was going on, you immediately stepped back outside: "Oh, woah–."
Were they making out?
If you were honest, you saw it coming, but it still came as a shock. You debated on whether you should leave or stay, but when you heard the panicked voices from inside, you stood there, waiting to apologise as soon as they walked out. It was Walt who opened the door first.
"Dolly– Listen," He was calmer than he sounded back inside. "You... I mean..."
"Look, let me just say this: It's none of my business, and I won't tell anyone, so... It's okay. We can pretend this never happened."
He blinked, a bit dumbfounded: "You don't mind?"
"Walt, of course not. As I said, it's none of my business."
It was then, when Bruce walked out shyly: "You seriously won't go tell anyone?"
At that, you chuckled and looked away, your eyes watering at the memory of Robin and Cole you had told Ellie: "You guys are safe with me– in Jackson. I know some people aren't very open minded here, but just know that you have my support."
Walt suddenly hugged you tightly. You took a second, but immediately returned it with a gentler one: "It's okay."
"Thank you (Y/N)," Bruce smiled sincerely.
"It's the least anyone can do – show basic human decency," You said and smiled back after Walt pulled back. "Come on now, we're already late."
The three of you acted as if nothing happened, but the couple couldn't help the smiles spread on their faces.
"Alright, Doll," Joel began explaining once you stepped to his side to get on your horse. Tommy and Ellie were long gone: "Maria asked us to show 'em how we do our patrols..."
"But?" You already didn't like how Maria picked you two for them, so you scrunched your face up lightly.
"You'll be going with Ward, I'll be going with–"
"Kiki." The name left your mouth with clear discomfort. Joel huffed at your worrisome expression and rubbed your arm soothingly.
"I rightly don't know why we're even assigned with them," Joel kissed your temple gently. "But it'll be fine, sweetheart. C'mon, we have places to cover."
You gave his hand a light squeeze and tried not to look as troubled as you felt inside when you both rode up to the couples, then went separate ways. You were quite surprised Ward actually let Kiki go with someone else– with Joel, but you kept it to yourself.
"So, I presume Tommy or Maria, or someone must've filled you in on how patrol works?" You began once your horses had slowed down the long path.
"Sort of, yeah. Joel and Tommy explained how logbooks work."
"Well, I'll start of with three things you must stick to, then– always. One: Stealth is key to everything. Keep quiet and don't draw any attention to yourself. Two: Your partner is technically your life support. You don't leave them behind, but back them up when they get into trouble and plan routes or approach tactics together. Three: If you come across anything you can't handle– anything at all, you bring your ass back to town."
"Yes ma'am," It was the first time you saw him offer the smallest smile, which softened his hardened features.
For awhile, you rode quietly, until he asked: "Say... Where you from?"
You raised a brow at his question: "Well, would you believe me if I said I don't remember?"
"How is that possible?" He tsked.
"I– I don't know," You chuckled with a hint of bitterness. "I only remember moving to San Francisco with my parents when I was... Around two?"
"Oh so you're a Californian..."
"Well, I suppose. What–" You saw the weird expression on his face: "Where are you from?"
"Idaho."
"Oh, and you're a potato farmer!"
You both shared a chuckle when he continued: "I wish that was the case. Would've traded everything to have been a potato farmer my whole life than..."
"Than what?"
"The shit I went through ever since the world fell apart."
You shrugged: "Don't we all?"
"I don't know about you, but none of those people in there –except for Kiki– would've preferred living as farmers..."
"What are you talking about?"
He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, broke eye contact and his whole stance changed. It took him a few silent moments, but he spoke eventually: "When the infection took over, a small church in our town offered food and protection to everyone there. They barricaded the whole town in a short time, a lot of people died in the process, but we actually made a safe environment– not as strong and well protected like here, though. The infected weren't occupying that part of the city too much, either, so we just made decent living... But in time, the priest of the church started controlling the community. In months everyone was on their knees praying– beggin' for forgiveness for their sins so that they survive this shit..."
"Oh..." You flinched, feeling sorry for him, your heartbeat picking up in worry. You were also unintentionally expecting him to get this story somewhere, pull out a gun and shoot you, or stab you with his knife– you were expecting an Axel case. They might have come all this way just to avenge a loved one who you might have killed, and even though your mind screamed that the scenario had no way of making sense, you still kept your hand on your pistol which was strapped to the side of your thigh that he couldn't see.
"It was fucked up, and I was young, I had no choice but to follow my parents... They died years later and that was when I met Kiki. She was so pretty, and– and kind to me. I really liked her, we were around... 18 and 20 at the time, I think. She helped me mourn my parents, we made really good company. Soon I realised I was falling in love with her."
Hearing these words from him freaked you out a little, if you were honest, because they didn't look very in love; but you were also curious about what the hell had happened to them.
"A year or so later we, uh– Understand this, we had to keep it a secret. If the priest didn't see a couple fit, they'd get punished, but if he did, he'd force them to... Have children, to– y'know."
You couldn't hide the disgust on your face, but he was too focused on somewhere else to notice it, the sorrow and trauma on his face making you feel bad for him.
"We didn't know if we were more scared of the punishment, or Kiki getting pregnant– neither of us wanted a child, we were so young..."
For a moment he looked guilty for saying that, but when you reassured him that you understood, he still looked guilty and regretful: "Naturally."
"Not too long later people started picking up on what type of relationship we had. One time one of the priest's..." A suden wave of rage washed over him– He spat out the next word: "Whores, caught us hugging each other, then we were brought before the priest. He didn't see us fit because we didn't take anyone's permission to get together."
Your brows also drew closer in anger as you listened: "I'm really sorry you two had to go through that."
"It doesn't matter, it was long ago; we escaped, and now we're here," Ward suddenly fixed his posture, looking thoughtful and upset at the same time. The conversation had come to an end.
"Listen, if you ever wanna talk to someone," You spoke hesitantly. "Our head doc Katherine holds weekly, uh, conversations," You couldn't bring yourself to say therapy, even though he'd find out sooner or later.
"I don't– I don't wanna talk about it," He huffed angrily and side eyed you where he sat.
"You seem like you need to, is all I'm saying," You ran a hand through your hair, wiping some sweat off your forehead in the meanwhile. "It's okay to do that, y'know."
"I don't need it!" He growled and turned his head towards you in a harsh motion. "I don't need your– stupid conversations–"
"Hey," You pulled on the reins in your hand, hard, and came to a stop. He mirrored your movements when you growled back: "Those stupid conversations actually help people. They saved god knows how many townsfolk, and participating in them doesn't make you less of a man."
"That's not what this is about."
Sure you wanted to counter, the look of offense in his face telling you everything you had to know, but kept your tongue: "I just suggested you could go, nobody's forcing you to! Keep it in the corner of your mind if you want, I don't care what you do."
With that you started riding again, missing the look of regret and worry on his face. When he reached your side a few moments later, he spoke quietly, softer: "You're right, I'm sorry."
You nodded: "Try not to take things personally, we're not your enemies. We're just trying to help."
The rest of the ride was quiet, but the good outcome of both you and Joel's pairing with the couple unfortunately had a bad outcome for you. Maria asked you and Joel to be patient and stick to them for a month or so– at least until they start to really fit in. You had to accept, thinking of how when you first came here Walt had switched his partner's because he was the first person one to get along with you.
The problem was, you weren't exactly getting along with them, or Kiki more precisely.
You didn't know if it was because of your pride or your reluctance to make a scene about it, but you kept quiet about your suspicions about how Kiki undeniably took a liking to Joel. When you subtly asked a question about how Kiki behaved on patrol, he nonchalantly explained how she picked up pretty quickly and appeared to be a much more normal person; but you left out the bit that whenever you or her husband appeared, she'd hiss like a cat.
Maybe you were simply jealous that a pretty woman like Kiki was hitting on Joel, even though you never doubted his intentions for a second. He seemed very oblivious to her and your hints at what you wanted to say, and that was pretty much your only way of finding comfort.
Ward, on the other hand, always looked at the brink of a breakdown when it got too quiet between you two. Joel also asked about how he was whenever you discussed the pair, and when you mentioned their background and how troubled he looked ever since, he raised a brow. He also mentioned how Kiki started wearing t-shirts throughout the week –sleeveless clothing– and he thought it had to do with some sort of survival condition related trauma, while you had other theories.
Theories that you, once more, kept to yourself.
Because there were always two ends on situations like this: Your theories were correct – she was right all along! or, you thought too much of it – you're so dramatic!
It was a little frustrating, not being able to tell these to any memebers of your family, except for Ellie, who came to understand– probably better than Joel or the others would.
"Yikes, I'm sorry, Dolly," She looked troubled at your worrisome expression when you finally broke and told her about your suspicions.
"Morton's fucking fork," You sighed and ran a hand through your hair nervously. "I honestly don't know what to do, it's too early to say anything but at the same time I feel like it'll be too late if I keep it to myself."
"Well, no matter what happens," She rubbed your shoulder reassuringly. "I'll be by your side. Always."
The words caught you off guard, the frustration of bottled up feelings and the subconscious weight of keeping the truth about what happened with the Fireflies from Ellie finally shattering and setting a few drops of tears free.
"Thank you– Oh, Ellie," She hugged you where she stood while you remained seated on your chair in the kitchen. "What would I do without you?"
"I know, I'm the light of your life," She joked, which made you chuckle briefly.
"Look, I also want you to know that–" You pulled back and took her hands in yours, then looked her straight in the eyes: "That I'd do anything for you. Whatever happens, I'll be on your side too, even if I can't intervene."
An emotional scene between a girl who found her mother figure, and a broken soldier longing for a deeper sense of tranquility eventually finding it in a girl– something she thought she'd never find.
"Christ, Joel," You immediately got up from where you were sitting in the living room and ran up to your husband as soon as you saw his dirty, tired state. It was god knows what in the morning but you couldn't sleep, thoughts of Kiki and Joel keeping you up for the second time ever since your mutual patrols started three and a half weeks ago.
"What're you still doin' up?" You carefully looked him up and down with worried eyes and ignored his exhausted sigh. You quickly but carefully hugged him, burying your face into the crook of his neck.
"Are you hurt?" You asked quietly after he immediately put his arm around your waist.
"Nope, just sore," He closed his eyes. "And a little dirty. Why aren't you asleep?"
You pulled back slowly and looked into his eyes, shrugging: "Couldn't sleep. And good thing I didn't."
"Dolly..."
"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." You tugged on his large hand and led him up to your bathroom. After you arranged the tub to fill, you helped undress him, his pale face and tired eyes made you put extra effort to be as delicate as possible.
"You wanna talk about it?" You said after dropping his t-shirt into the laundry basket, while he took off his pants beside the door.
"There ain't much to talk about. We just..." You could feel your heart beat in your ears as you took his pants from him and repeated your motion, but froze in your place when he spoke again: "She saved me."
Your brows shot up quickly and the ache of keeping them crossed in a worried expression for so long immediately made its presence known: "My flashlight gave out, was tryin' to shake it back to life when a stalker grabbed me."
Joel scratched the back of his neck and lowered his head while you just stared and moved towards him slowly, his voice quiet: "I felt its– Its teeth on my neck right before Kiki jumped on it."
"Joel..." You sighed the moment you stopped walking, whispered, gulped and realised how bad your throat ached. He raised his head and gave you an utterly wrecking look, which immediately triggered you to walk over to him and hug him. His arms quickly shot up and wrapped themselves around your back. He buried his face into your neck this time and your hands ran through his hair, caressing the back of his neck soothingly. The way his arms embraced you was tight, but not enough to crush you– just enough to remind you where you belonged.
Home. That's what you felt like.
For the first time in many, many years, you finally found home again.
That exact feeling that made your eyes blurry with tears had struck first after fifteen years into the apocalypse, and it was the night after a particularly tough mission to handle some hunters around the area. The team had almost lost Kurt and Robin, the fear had been very overwhelming. The intensity of it all was nerve-wracking for everyone, so when Robin was back with Cole, they broke down crying in each other's arms. You couldn't bare to see them like that, so you joined with quiet whimpers and hugged them where they sat on the ground. Slowly, the rest of the group had joined, and when finally Kurt put his arms around you and them, everyone calmed down. That was home.
Family.
You inhaled his scent with tears in your eyes and a barbed wire around your throat, then hugged him tighter; the realisation of what might have happened had Kiki not been there washing over you like a tidal wave. All these months of doubting her– maybe you misunderstood her? Were you too cruel to Kiki in your mind? You sure as hell owed her now, you were more than grateful for what she did.
A sharp intake of breath from Joel and the warm wetness you felt on your neck confirmed that he was crying, so you turned your head a little to kiss his neck softly. It was rare that Joel cried, let alone open up like this, so you let him cry on your shoulder for as log as he needed. He didn't make a sound other than his occasional sniffs and sighs.
"I need you (Y/N)," He murmured after calming down a few minutes later, slowly shifting his arms downwards and kissing you deeply, pulling you flush against him. You kissed back, sighing into his mouth and slithering your hands down his back to the waistband of his underwear. You devoured each other at the doorway while the tub was still filling, the chilly yet still warm July night creating a thin layer of sweat between your bodies. He softly pushed you up against the doorframe, and his movements became more rushed the more your tongues danced against each other.
"Joel, baby wait," You pulled back and he stopped immediately. "The bath..."
You kissed a tear that was hanging on the edge of his cheek and reluctantly slipped away from his hold to turn the faucet off, and before you could turn back around, you felt his hands slowly sneak their way under your shirt and smiled softly at the feel. You turned completely, while he carefully walked you over to the counter and pushed you against the edge between the two sinks. He started peppering urgent kisses on your neck, making you sigh a quiet moan as your eyes closed, his hands roaming your body and eventually taking off the sleeveless undershirt off of you.
"What about the– the bath?" You barely managed to ask when he softly bit and kissed on the skin of your breasts, then moved down to tug your shorts down your legs.
"Later," He groaned when he saw the sight before him and immediately went to suck a few marks around your breasts, gently biting your nipples the way you liked it. You moaned and wrapped a leg around his waist so you could have his erection pressing directly against your pussy.
He lifted you up slightly and sat you on the cold counter, making you sigh as he settled between your legs, pulling his underwear off only for his erection to spring against your inner thigh. He was getting harder by the second, but before he lined himself up, he made sure you were taken care of to begin with. While massaging your inner thighs, he carefully bit and sucked on your neck, rubbing the tip of his cock between your slick folds in the meantime. You moaned quietly at his ministrations, his hands feeling wonderful around your legs.
After a while, you reached for his length and lined him up, allowing him to push in. You let out a soft moan by his ear and he did the same when he dived into your depths, then wrapped your arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist. He growled, grabbed at your hips and thighs and started off with a slow but somehow rushed pace.
What you liked about a slower pace, first and foremost, was how you could feel everything Joel had to offer and how much more relaxed and focused he was. You liked it when he took his time, making sure you felt every inch and vein of his length– You also liked the tension building up more this way. With the patrols and chores taking up most of your constantly changing schedules, sex had started to become a bit of luxury again, too.
Your eyes opened slowly when he called your name desperately– moaned it. You slowly pulled back from your hug and looked him in the eyes, then kissed him deeply, his rhythm stable but the snap of his hips started to become harsher. His grip on your hips were equally desperate and bruising, but you liked it; it was also your own way of assuring yourself that Joel was still here, with you.
His pace picked up the more your tongues swayed together, then his hand went to the hair on your scalp and massaged the skin there, making you throw your head back and clench down on him with a mewl. Groaning, he kissed and bit all over your neck again, the skin slapping against skin making both of you near the edge.
He suddenly pulled out and away, gently helped you off the counter and turned you around. In one motion, he buried himself deep inside you again and moaned. You arched your back and he pulled your hair into a ponytail, then placed solid, sloppy kisses on your shoulders as he fucked you from behind.
"Shit– Joel," You gasped when he grabbed at your breasts, arms crossed and slammed into you particularly hard. He was getting closer with each passing minute.
"(Y/N)..." He groaned and pressed you down against the counter, trapping you between the cold surface and his hairy, broad chest while sneaking a hand down to your clit. He slammed into you three more times, which made you moan brief but loud ahs and ohs each time; your hands clawing against his hips and arms, leaving your own marks, throwing him over the edge when he thought about the pleasure he felt when your nails digged into his skin.
You both came with loud moans and held onto each other tightly, Joel pulling out the last second even though he really, really wanted to come inside you at that moment: He would never do it without your permission and talking about it first, but the topic was never brought up by either of you.
Panting while coming down your high, you were as disappointed as Joel was when he didn't fill you up with his thick cock– you were also as cautious as your husband about this, and maybe it was finally time to discuss it.
After recollecting yourselves, you both moved into the lukewarm water in comfortable silence, Joel laying against you between your legs and holding onto your hands which you had wrapped around his chest in a hug, resting his head against your own.
Some time later, when you felt yourself dozing off, Joel hummed quietly: "If you're gonna sleep let's move to bed."
"How did you..."
"Your heartbeat got real slow, figured you were dozin' off," He slowly got up with a phantom smile on his lips and looked into your sleepy eyes. This small gesture made you smile back, and after he took your hand in his and placed a loving kiss on your knuckles, you got cleaned and out of the bath. There was much to be said, but sleep overcame you both as soon as you laid on the soft, inviting mattress.
The next morning, Joel had some business in town with Tommy while it was your day off, so you both had the opportunity to talk during breakfast. After some discussion and honesty about how you felt towards Kiki, Joel figured there'd be nothing a good dinner wouldn't fix. You had to agree because of your self-doubt, maybe this dinner would help you understand Kiki's intentions better, and it would also be your way of thanking her for saving Joel.
"I have to tell you somethin', but promise me–" Joel chewed on his scrambled eggs after your reluctant agreement to the dinner. "–You won't get mad?"
You rolled your eyes and offered a small smirk after finishing your bite: "When do I ever get mad at you?"
"Oh?" He raised a brow. "Well, I was startin' to think you were jealous of Kiki, is all."
Your mouth fell open in a silent gasp: "I am no such thing! Joel Miller–"
"Oh boy," He took a sip off his coffee, having made his point.
You took a deep breath, rolled your eyes while they were closed and grabbed your own cup: "Look, I'm not jealous, I just..."
"Just what?"
You chewed on your lower lip while staring two holes into the cup in your hands, took your time to think: "I'm just worried."
"What's got you worried, sweetpea?" His expression immediately softened as he leaned forward, the pet name easing the tension in your heart a little.
"They're– really odd, okay?" You spoke quietly, occasionally meeting his eyes. "Doesn't it bother you just how different they act when they're not around each other?"
"Where're you gettin' with this?"
"I just don't want another Axel case." The room fell to a deafening silence when you said his name, but you continued when he didn't say anything: "Look, I simply can't help but think they're trying to get close to us on purpose."
"Oh darlin'," His eyes widened slightly as he got off his chair and stood beside you in a quick motion, putting his warm hands on your bare shoulders. "I understand what's got you all worried, but I'm sure this is all because of Maria puttin' us together for patrol. Don't worry your pretty little head with all o' that." He pressed you against his body in a hug, gently massaging your shoulders as he did: "Now, I gotta get goin', but when I come back I'll do somethin' to ease all that stress built up in these strong muscles of yours, huh?" He softly digged his fingers into your shoulder blades, making you sigh as you realised they were indeed very stiff. He offered a soft smile: "Agreed?"
"Agreed." You forced a smile in return, trying not to worry like he said. It was Joel, after all; if he said you had nothing to worry about, then you probably didn't...
... But that didn't mean you were going to shut out your gut feelings altogether. It was your instincts that always saved your ass when you were unsure about situations like this, or when you got in trouble with people in general. You could always beat yourself up for overthinking too much and being so doubtful of them, but for now, you were going to keep your guard up at all times and keep them at arm's length.
————
tags: @spideysimpossiblegirl @joelsgeetar @sherry-212 @peachymelon69
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casually-slips-into-coma · 4 years ago
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An Essay (sort of) Explaining the Many Grievances I Have With Debbie Gallagher
Once again, Debbie is the fucking worst.
I’ve been wanting to write out my feelings towards her character for a fucking minute now just so that I have a full concise list. Now, I can talk about how Debbie has a constant need for attention, or how her character has become someone unrecognizable in the past few seasons, or how she’s a terrible mother, but what I really want to focus on is the center of my issues with her: her sexuality. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t about to be a homophobic rant or anything. I just think her queer development has been written terribly and that should be addressed.
Too often I see people praising queer characters or relationships based solely on the fact that they are queer, and as a member of the community, I get it. I am also starved for representation. This, however, does not mean I’m going to settle for annoying, poorly written characters.
Why Make Debbie Queer?
The first thing I want to address is why suddenly develop a WLW storyline for her. Given that Debbie started as a little girl on the show, this gives the writers a lot of opportunity to give a character like that interesting storylines because she does not yet have a solid personality. It gives writers the liberty to take her story anywhere they want to without the constraints of established character because she, as a person, is still developing into adulthood. The show runners unfortunately dropped the ball with this.
From season 4 and onwards was when Debbie began showing interest in dating, sex, and romance having just turned the corner to puberty. From then up until season 9, she has shown exclusive interest in men. It isn’t until Alex the welder that Debbie deviates from this path. Alex is portrayed as a stud who confuses Debbie. I am inclined to believe that Debbie was originally attracted to her because she was masculine and therefore close enough to the people Debbie had previous experience with.
This arc was treated very much as Debbie experimenting with her sexuality, something that Alex also ends up realizing after Debbie tells her that having sex with a girl is “not that bad” and “like having sex with yourself” (S9E4). Once this storyline wrapped up (with Debbie shouting “you make me want cock again”) the writers powered through, adamant about Debbie now being a lesbian.
I have two theories as to why they’ve been fighting so hard for her queerness.
1) This was around the time that Cam was leaving Shameless. This obviously didn’t end up happening, but I was under the impression that the writers were freaking out at losing their token gay character and needed to fill that position. When Cam ended up staying, they were stuck with a queer Debbie storyline and decided to just go with it.
2) Shameless was planning on doing a WLW storyline regardless of Cam’s choice to leave and were originally going to give it to Fiona and her lesbian tenant that she had a close relationship and a lot of chemistry with, but Emmy Rossum wanted to move on from Shameless, and so they pivoted and gave the arc to Debbie, a character that was not supposed to be moved in that direction and so her new sexuality seemingly came out of nowhere. Fiona as a bisexual character would have made sense. Debbie still does not.
Shameless’s Awkward Relationship With Bisexuality
One of the biggest issues I have with Debbie is her insistence on being a lesbian. Lesbianism doesn’t come out of nowhere. Bisexuality, however, can. When you grow up being told that you are supposed to feel attraction to men, and you genuinely do feel attraction to men (which Debbie has expressed in past seasons/episodes) it’s easy to ignore your attraction to women and write it off as something that either isn’t a big deal, or something that isn’t there. It’s a lot more confusing than being strictly at one end of the spectrum. It would have been so much more believable if they had simply made Debbie bisexual. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t because the show has a history with bi erasure.
Bisexuality has been treated badly all throughout Shameless, used as a vengeful plot device back in the earlier seasons where Monica was only ever with women when unmedicated. Then in Season 7 when Ian’s boyfriend Caleb cheated on him with a woman (enforcing the stereotype of bisexuals being unfaithful) Ian, possibly acting out of anger or ignorance, said things like “only women are bisexual. When a man says he’s bisexual he’s really just gay”. The only semi positive bisexual representation on the show was Svetlana and Vee when they were in a poly relationship with Kev (though I also think that storyline wasn’t handled as well as it could’ve been).
This fight against the bisexual label in media is not a new one but it is also a harmful stance to take when writing a sexually fluid character. Debbie declaring that she is, in fact, a lesbian after waxing poetic about how Matty had a big dick and Derek had a great body and knew what he was doing is not the way to go. 
You could argue that Debbie, like many other queer women, is an unfortunate victim of compulsory heterosexuality, but frankly I don’t think the writers are well versed enough in queer theory for that to be a possibility.
Debbie as The White Feminist
Debbie is the pinnacle of white feminism. It’s an unfortunate thought that has occurred to me a few times throughout the show. She talks a big game as a man hater and someone after the equal treatment of women but she herself participates in a lot of problematic and anti feminist behavior.
For one, she r*ped Matty back in season 5 when he was blacked out and unconscious. This was a point in the story that was glossed over and one where she suffered no repercussions other than Matty no longer wanting to be around her. It was explained in the show that Debbie didn’t realize what she did was wrong until after she was explicitly told so because she was maybe 14 when it happened (not 100% on the age Shameless is very inconsistent about timelines). It was treated as somewhat of a punchline, something that Shameless has unfortunately done more than once when referring to male sexual assault (Mickey’s r*pe, Liam in season 10 ((i think??)) and in this latest season, Carl) but that is a different topic. 
There was also the time in which she lied to her boyfriend about being on birth control so she could trap him into a relationship with pregnancy (which also counts as r*pe!!) Good on Derek for getting out of that.
Debbie has also been pro-life in the past. Now I understand this was when Fiona was pressuring her into aborting her pregnancy, and as a pro choicer myself, I believe that Debbie was fully in her right to have bodily autonomy and go through with the pregnancy. This isn’t where the issue lies. It’s when Fiona finds out that she too is pregnant and tells Debbie that she wants an abortion that Debbie accuses her of “killing her baby”. Again, her behavior could be explained by her age given that Debbie was still a young teen during this time.
When her actions as a White Feminist become less excusable is mostly in the latest season. Her relationship with Sandy is one that I’m not really happy with because Debbie doesn’t deserve her.
Recently, it has been revealed that Sandy is actually married to a man and has a son. It’s explained that she was basically married off against her will at the age of 15 to a man twice her age. This implies that the product of the marriage, her son, was most likely conceived through dubious consent (or worse) at the hands of an adult when she was just a kid. Just because Debbie thinks that Sandy’s husband “seems nice” does not give her the right to try and make a victim of grooming feel bad about not wanting to be with her abuser. While I understand that Sandy’s son has no fault in how he came into the world, I’m still gonna side with Sandy when it comes to having to take care of a child she didn’t want and who is most likely a source of trauma for her. It’s not difficult to sympathize with Sandy and see that she’s clearly gone through something fucked up and Debbie, despite claiming to love and support her, AND despite her dumb white feminist arc about wanting equal pay and all that jazz, turns her back on the girls supporting girls aspect of feminism.
This isn’t even mentioning how shitty it was to just leave Franny by herself and assume that one of her siblings would take her to school and pick her up and stuff as if they don’t all have separate lives. She talks a lot about being a good mother but decided to “let off some steam” by fucking off to a gay bar to get loaded on coke and fuck a gay man (which wtf thats not a thing that really happens with casual coke but whatever I guess). Once she realized she fucked up, instead of taking responsibility she decided to paint herself as the victim as well as spew offensive bullshit about how she “probably has AIDS now” because of her sexual encounter with a gay man. No lesbian in their right fucking mind would ever say that because as members of the LGBTQ+ community, you are at least a tiny bit informed as to how devastating and tragic the AIDS crisis was for queer people.
(I also have an issue with how Debbie capitalized on her felony as a sex offender and her sexuality to start her Hot Lesbian Convict business but I think that’s enough said.)
Blame the writers
The show got almost an entirely new cast of writers after season 7 which is why the show feels more like a sitcom with low stakes and no consequences rather than a drama, but if there is a queer writer on the team it’s not very evident. Even the better half of the queer relationship story, Ian and Mickey, I don’t feel has really been done justice since the change in writers. It’s just become painfully obvious that the actress is a straight girl playing a gay character (not to mention I have never seen any chemistry between her and all of her female love interests). I don’t fault Emma Kenney (the actress) for this. I actually really like her as a person and I like the videos she makes about the cast and such, and I think she does her best with the script she’s given. My complaints with Debbie are targeted entirely towards the writers.
This brings me to my final point. I need them to let Debbie be alone. Her whole thing for the second half of the season has been that she clearly has abandonment issues and is afraid of being alone. It’s why she’s so adamant about keeping the house and fighting with Lip about it (I’m actually on Debbie’s side for that one but that’s besides the point). They had her and Sandy break up which leaves Debbie to spiral further into her loneliness. From a writing point of view, it makes sense to take this opportunity to give her an arc in which she can overcome that and feel comfortable with herself so that she can move on as an adult instead of jumping into a new relationship. This is especially true since this is quite literally the last season ever of the show and any character development needs to be wrapped up. Introducing a new character out of nowhere does not give the viewers enough time to actually get invested in the new relationship. It’s also unfair to Debbie’s character because her arc is going to feel incomplete.
Anyway,,,,,,uuuhhhhh,,,,,feel free to add on if u want lmao
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vowled · 4 years ago
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The Ever Lasting curiosity about Sherlock’s sexuality
Honestly, I’m tired. I see so much material everywhere about ships and about what’s canon and what isn’t. I see people fighting about whether Sherlock is top or bottom (where an overwhelming majority thinks he’s a top). But somehow I never see enough material about his Other sides. His other habits like scrapbooking. Why is he Possibly eccentric and ....to an extent ...is he really so eccentric at all?
Firstly, I see it constantly reiterated by Moffat that Sherlock’s decision to not be very sexually active is a Monk’s decision, not an asexual’s one. He isn’t interested in sex because it distracts him, and that means he’s not very produtive, and by this point we know that work is worship for Sherlock.
Now, the question arises, how do we know that he isn’t asexual?
we don’t
Next comes the Johnlock theory and I am not going to lie, I like it . I really do. Some of the arguments I’ve read during my tenure in the fandom are very influencing and impressive and they genuinely make you think. But the truth remains that it isn’t canon (yet).
And if you’re a BBC Sherlock fan then the entire Irene Adler thing is also very frustrating. Being brought up in a homophobic country, the first time I watched the episode, I remember being sure that she was sherlock’s love interest. This was also compounded in my head as the truth because of Robert D.J’s movie, where Irene is explicitly shown as the love interest too. BBC too called her THE WOMAN, and Mycroft later says “She’s the only woman who matters”. And yet, we never see any explicit proof that Sherlock indeed has feelings towards her. What am I supposed to think then???
The more I think about it, the more maddening it gets. Especially with the subtext. I do think that now I can openly admit that the entire show has a lot of gay subtext (feel free to give your opinion about it) and that really is the jewel of any literature. But what do I make of it all?
An anecdote here: I am an 18yo girl who has read too much of gay fanfiction and conspiracies to never question my own sexuality. I thought I’ve had crushes on my girl friends and thought I wouldn’t mind dating one, but oh boy I didn’t like it at all (Well, now I know I’m straight :/ )
The one insight I’ve gained from here is that sometimes it’s tiring to figure out feelings. It’s ever capricious, obscure and frustrating. Think that from Sherlock’s POV and he literally is obsessed with his work to the point he doesn’t eat because it slows him down. He’s a brain with a body. He makes all of his deductions based on rectilinear principles that rule out the possibility of ambiguity and are necessarily singular in their nature. But feelings are the exact opposite of it - any emotion felt can have multiple causes and hence lead to multiple reactions, and the entire chemical nature of it is broad and overrun by multiple definitions. Even when people do feel certain things clearly, they seldom do express them truly. Modern life has made us to be afraid of intimacy and complete truth without diluting it with small lies. Even when people say that they feel a certain way explicitly, we can never tell if they’re speaking the entire thing truly. How could he possibly compute feelings?
Sherlock is a thinking, feeling being. But because thinking and comprehending is his greater joy, because he is obsessed with being intellectually superior to others, he doesn’t like anything he can’t understand, which itself is a common tendency and shows us that he’s only human. He doesn’t like the entire affair about sex not because he’s asexual, but because he doesn’t like the confusion and the lack of complete understanding of it. But this should never be interpreted as though he doesn’t have any feelings.
We do see in many occasions that Sherlock in fact is capable of showing empathy and does in fact try to comfort people. This very character trait of empathy shows that he isn’t in fact a sociopath. In case of Irene Adler(although the canon material clearly states that she was very devoted to her husband and didn’t have a romantic relationship with Sherlock), Sherlock doesn’t reciprocate her feelings. She repeatedly asks him for dinner and texts him, he denies each time. This tells us he isn’t interested in her. Although, in the end, he helps her. He didn’t need to though, but he does because HE DOES CARE. Caring doesn’t need a definitive cause based on romantic feelings. IT ITSELF IS A FEELING.
With Moriarty, there’s this undeniable tension. Both men are obsessed with each other because they know that they are equals. And we must ask :is  this level of understanding any different to intimacy?
And there’s John. Sweet John who is completely devoted to Sherlock. Even in canon it’s pretty clear that the only times he truly is completely caring is when it comes to John. And tbh I don’t want to trip down that rabbit hole right now.
Sherlock does love people, and he’s too intellectual to find out exactly in which way or form does he love them. He simply does. And that makes him the “most humane human being”. He doesn’t love anybody in a sexual way, but why should it mean he doesn’t love anybody? His sexuality is boring. His own forms of love, however are the most beautiful to look at. Can we talk about that?
also if you’ve made it thus far, thank you for reading ! this is my first ever blog and tbh it’s such a rant?! im sorry :( ? i was really going for something and i kept getting disturbed and I lost my train of thought in the process :((( but please fell to comment, consrtuctive criticism is always welcome!
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tranquil-space-ninja · 5 years ago
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Bookworm (DRLAMP)
Based on this.
Note: Roman and Remus are not in a relationship with each other, just the other sides.
Tw: cursing, spoilers for Be More Chill (book), furries are mentioned, homophobia mentioned, Good Omens spoilers, Game of Thrones spoilers/references
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It was 3 AM. Logan woke up to the sound of something banging in the kitchen. Remus had better not be playing bongos again. He slid out of bed and tiptoed out of his room, closing the door gently so as not to wake the others. On his way down the hall, he met Patton as he was slipping out of Roman's room. Logan leaned down and kissed his forehead. "Hello, Patton," he murmured. Patton smiled sleepily at him.
"Hello, dear."
"Did I wake you?"
"No, no, the kitchen did." Logan put his arm around Patton and walked to the kitchen with him. When they reached the kitchen, they heared hushed shouting along with the banging. Logan slowly opened the door as Patton tried to wake himself up more, both fully expecting to have to coax Remus up to bed or take a set of drums by force.
They were half right.
Remus was indeed there, but instead of bongos, he held a thick, hardcover book with a blue and white cover. Roman was also there, and he was holding a purple paperback of a similar length. The twins were fencing with a couple of frying pans and arguing. There was hot chocolate dripping off the table with two mugs on their sides in the middle of it, and the shards of broken dining ware across the kitchen.
"Be More Chill has shorter chapters to appeal to less avid readers and book addicts alike, a full cast of quirky characters, and the whole book was a dramatic romantic gesture for Christine!"
"Cursing isn't bleeped out in real life! Teenagers say fuck, ass, shit, dick, etcetera! And what's with the big deal about how straight Jeremy is? Dear Evan Hansen is so much better. Like, Jarred."
"First of all, while there is admittedly a weird emphasis on Jeremy's straightness, at least no one's homophobic. Like, Mrs. Heere even added, 'We're good parents,' after she told Jeremy that they would be fine with him being gay. If anything, it throws shade on homophobes. Be More Chill also gives furries much needed positive representation. And, if Jarred is your only reason why Dear Evan Hansen is better, then you may as well give up now."
"The plotline of the Dear Evan Hansen book is closer to the musical."
"The Be More Chill book was written before the musical!"
"I like them both," Patton mumbled sheepishly. Roman and Remus froze and turned to look at Patton. Logan crossed his arms at them. The twins lowered their frying pans and turned to face their boyfriends.
"Hey, Daddy, hey, babes," Remus said guiltily.
"It's three in the morning," Logan said.
"We couldn't sleep," Roman said. "I wanted to read for a while, but I didn't want to wake you up, Pat."
"Sorry," Remus added. Patton sighed.
"It's alright. I'll help you clean up. Sweetheart, we can clean up the table. Sweetpea, could you sweep up the broken dishes? Logan, dear, you go back to bed." Roman and Remus nodded.
"What about the dishes," Roman asked.
"They can wait till morning."
***
Janus tried in vain to comfort Roman as he bawled in his lap. "It's going to be okay," he said awkwardly.
"No, it's not," Roman sobbed. "George lost his partner in crime, and Lupin and Tonks are never going to meet their son, and J. K. Rowling's such a TERF that I can never read the books the same again." Janus rubbed his back gently.
"I told you, my love, Harry Potter was removed from Rowling's custody the minute she posted that tweet. We, the fandom, and Starkid adopted it so it could live its best life." Roman sniffled as Janus wiped away his tears.
"Can I still make Thomas bitch slap her if we see her in public?"
"Sure."
***
Roman burst into Virgil's room. "Buggre alle thif for a Larke." Virgil set his spider into her terranium and looked at Roman expectantly. "Crowley calls Aziraphale angel. They go on lunch dates to the Ritz, they drink together, they know each other better than anyone in the world, they bicker over Crowley's speed like a fucking old married couple, and everyone assumes they're gay. But suddenly that asumption is wrong because, 'angels are sexless unless they make an effort,'? Does Aziraphale not love Crowley? Or is it secretly implying that Aziraphale and Crowley are making an effort so they can fuck? Or are they gay asexual? What does it mean? Are they together? Are they--"
Virgil cut him off with a laugh. "You spend too much time with your brother, babe."
***
Roman and Virgil were cuddling on the couch, watching Good Omens. Roman sighed as Aziraphale appeared to Crowley in the bar. "That didn't happen in the book." Virgil sighed this time.
"I know. I know you read it at least twice."
"Like, I love Ineffable Husbands. They make me want to run around the Mindpalace wearing a rainbow tartan cape and sunglasses and call all of you angel, but like. That wasn't in the book."
"I know, I know."
"This scene was so much better. Az just popping in on everyone asking, 'Where am I?' Amazing."
"Ro?"
"Yeah?"
"Shut up and let our gay occult beings flirt."
"Angels aren't occult. They're ethereal."
***
"Sweetheart," Patton yelled. "Dinner's ready!"
"Coming," Roman yelled. He needed a bookmark. This fight between Percy and Antaeus was critical, and he could not loose his place. Roman frantically scrambled around until he found a small yellow shoelace. He picked it up quickly and placed it in the fold between the pages. The shoelace hissed as he closed the book. Roman screamed and dropped it on the ground, scrambling backwards. Janus ran into the room, a panicked look on his face. "Roman? Are you okay?" He glanced down at the floor as the yellow shoelace crawled up his keg. Janus sighed.
"Roman, did you use Luci as a bookmark again?" Roman nodded, tears in his eyes. "How does she keep getting out of her enclosure?"
"S-sorry." Janus sighed.
"It's alright, love. Just check and make sure something isn't alive before you use it as a bookmark."
***
Roman leaned over the book and carefully highlighted a sentence pink. He wrote next to it, 'Ship. Ship. Ship.' He tucked the highlighter behind his ear, only to draw it back a second later. This time, he wrote, 'foreshaddowing?' above the sentence. And he continued reading.
***
Roman was practicing his panflute. He gently blew over the pipes to create a softer, lower sound. He struck a wrong note. "Damn it," he muttered. "It's like little, tiny shells drifting in the cold. Brave soldier boy comes marching home." He started the song again, playing each note with care. He had to start over several times.
Patton walked by with a laundry basket just as Roman was starting over again. He stoped to listen. As he recognised the song, he began to sing along softly. Roman finished it perfectly this time. Patton walked over and kissed the top of his head. "That was good," he said. "Grover would be proud." Roman's face lit up and Patton smiled.
"Really?"
"Really." Roman hugged Patton tightly.
"I love you so much."
***
Remus snorted. "That's dumb. Those dragon eggs are dead. They're never gonna hatch." Roman left the room silently. The other Sides glanced at each other nervously. They wanted Roman there at Game of Thrones night, but they didn't want to break up a fight. Then Roman came back, heaving a giant textbook. He set it down on the floor and opened it, flipping through the pages. Finally, he stopped and pointed to a passage.
"Well, it says here that dragon eggs heat up when they get closer to hatching time. Besides, they don't call Danaereys Mother of Dragons for nothing." Everyone groaned.
"Spoilers," Patton scolded.
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Taglist:
@kawaiikat54
@obsessedalli
@royal-arts
@baka-monarch
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idio-cies · 5 years ago
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Right, I need to go on a rant because lockdown is still getting to me and I am fed up with the same comments I hear every time I allude to my sexuality (mostly ace) towards my family.
So story time: today my Nana was showing my mum about princess Gertrude or something being married in an old Ball gown of the Queen's and how it was altered a bit and as an a fly away comment of me being pedantic I said "having a wedding dress is over-rated anyway" to which my mum gave a mock shocked face saying that of course I would say something like that (My family joke about me being cold-hearted as I don't cry at sad films or books, and can just lack empathy to certain things). So I laughed to continue the joke but what I intended was that you know why a dress? Women can be married in suits or two-pieces if they wish? Like what's the fuss. Oh hell, the men could wear flounces! Also upcycling yay for the environment! So I continued, starting to say the colour, my mum saying about how my older sister will be in Ivory and I said "Come on, that's off white! But I mean Chinese get married in red" and she continued "in India they get married in all sorts of colours" and I said "exactly! Why white?" And she said before I could continue "I suppose you would get married in black" so I scrunched up my face and said "if I ever get married" and then came the usual "you might not say that as you get older" you know. That golden nugget of a line that is told to many people who are aro/ace or whatever the identify as. Some people just do not wish to be married. I also said "whats the point in having a dress you only wear once, anyway" which, as I expected was returned with "you could pass it on to your children". My mum continued saying how her best friend used to think like me and now is married and has had two children, then she left to go do something. My Nana then joined in saying how I don't want to not give my mum grandkids, to which I shrugged, she continued saying how what if my husband didn't wanted kids what would I do then? This is when I started to get mad but with this situation I always try and brush everything over considering I know from experience how things will go (will get brushed with the aforementioned comments, stereotypes etc). So I shrugged and said "well then it wasn't meant to be" in my head I was thinking what if I don't want a husband, what if I have a wife, or a partner who identifies as non-binary or genderfluid? What if I just never marry, or just live the rest of my life with my friends? What if, if I do change my mind about kids, I adopt. But I couldn't say that. My nana continued by saying "well, I guess you wouldn't marry if that was the case" and I'm just sat there stewing.
See, my problem here is that my parents certainly are more liberal, and the reason why I make jokes that allude to me being ace is because they have also made jokes about saying how they probably will never have grand kids, or that I don't go for that sort of thing and I had hope. My sister is a lesbian and they knew for ages and still love her and want the best for her, but my mum never understood why my sister was so hesitant to come out and I explained to her how people coming out always have that fear, that even if their parents or their friends are liberal, they still may not be fully accepted for who they are. Plus, my sister has had bad experiences with friends being homophobic or use her in the face of her coming out, but my mum took this explanation as me hiding something about myself.
When I had my first boyfriend a year ago my mum thought the perfect time to bring up sex would be as she placed food in front of me. I legit choked on my food and as she continued I had to tell her right there and then that I believed myself to be ace and she had nothing to worry about and she didn't understand, so I had to explain. This was the first proper time I heard her deflect that "I might change my mind". When I stayed overnight at his, my dad was teasing me asking whether I needed rubbers and kept on asking me. The thing is, it was always jokey but I'm pretty sure he was concerned. Then my sister thought more happened between him and I when he broke up with me, indicating that we probably had sex, because of how upset I was over it all. I'm pretty sure a couple of my friends thought that too. However, one of my friends said what I was thinking which was that part of the reason why he broke up with me was because I wouldn't have sex with him which was the case considering when I told him that my dad joked about getting rubbers he asked me if I did all excited and I said no with a confused expression like "we've been over this, I thought you understood" and he looked away disheartened with an "oh" thats when I think I knew this wasn't right. To be fair I should've known about "oh, so you're a celibate" and loads of other things like believing I liked something when I didn't or I wasn't sure so ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ I was young and it was my first boyfriend so you know, I was naive. The reason why I was so broken-hearted was because I'm pretty sure it was because I was ace, and because of that I felt like I would never be loved, or respected. What's more is he tried to take advantage of my friend when they were together whilst she was drunk! So he is just a huge dickhead anyway.
Anyways, I guess for my grandparents to understand is trickier and as far as I'm aware they don't know that I said to my mum who probs told my dad that I'm ace. I always get told that they won't change. My grandad I think still believes my sister isn't fully gay by the fact that he refuses to say "girlfriend" and also slander her girlfriend a bit, and he never believed she showed signs, though why should that matter if she "showed signs"? And my Nana said she did and is a little more accepting of my sister's girlfriend (btw, this is not my older sister who is getting married). I hate being told that people who are older (especially my grandparents) won't change their minds or see things differently. I don't understand how people can go through life like that? But I guess that's because I'm a more open-minded person who makes sure I have several perspectives on certain things.
The thing now though is that I'm scared that I'm under the category of ace where the stereotype is that I'm a robot because I lack empathy and am cold-hearted and such. I know that for my Nana and also for my Nanny that they ended up abandoning their careers for the sake of raising a family and for me, that just feels like an epic loss. I also think that my grandparents first impression of my mum was not approving as she had a baby when she was 20 out of wedlock and had an abusive partner.
After this spiel, if you are still with me, I just want to let you know that this is life is complicated. Heck, I even queried about my best friend being ace, but I think that is because I never thought someone so close to me could have the same feelings about that topic and also because I am constantly questioning myself, probably because I have had "oh, you may change your mind when you're older" most of my life. Oh, I know I could, but for what feels my entire life (when I gained consciousness of myself and was making choices for myself without having this stereotyped life conditioned in my brain) was that I never personally want to have kids. Ever. I understand I may change my mind and if I do I will adopt because I would like to think that I could make a child's life better, and also we have a dense enough population as it is. I do not care if I have a partner with me in my life. I can quite easily get by independently in life. I'm not adverse to having a partner, whoever/whenever/and whatever status it may be.
What I find hilarious though is that I'm very nonchalant about my sexuality, but I do not wish to tell my gay sister that I am queer on some scale. She has had too many run-ins of me slipping to say that I'm not straight or my friend legit said a joke about how my hair is as straight as me (it's curly) because I have made that joke around her before about myself. TERRIFIED. She has jokingly confronted me about it as well and I remained nonchalant as I always do.
So I guess what I'm trying to say that even though people can be liberal in mind, it is always tricky to tell your family and (after stereotypes and assumptions have been placed on me) friends. I have even had a friend who told me that basically I wasn't ace sinply because I didn't know how to answer him in something related to do with sex. I AM ALMOST 19, I DO NOT HAVE MY LIFE FIGURED OUT. I AM STILL QUESTIONING MY OWN EXISTENCE LET ALONE MY SEXUALITY/ORIENTATION.
I would love to go through my life with no labels whatsoever. Whether I'm female, that I'm ace, or that I'm most likely pan. I've always been weird with labels. I simply do not care about that, but I also care about it too much. I do not want societal pressure to tell me that I need a partner in my life, that I need to have children in order to be happy and be worth something. That is not what makes a life. I want people to understand this, especially my family, but I'm afraid they won't even if they are aware that they know it's not for all people. The life I want is to be with the people I love and I can trust and engage with. That I am successful and can stand up for who and what I believe in. So this is my message to people out there. Take all the time in the world to discover who you are. Whether you prefer labels for it or not. To not let societal pressure get to you too much. I know it's hard and the nature of the world and its people are complex, but please be true to yourself and I'm sure you will find your people and your way in life.
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jobethdalloway · 5 years ago
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Did a riff on the first prompt of @thepriceisrizzoli‘s list here! Hoping to get to more soon! Academy-aged Jane agrees to go to Frost’s family’s Thanksgiving dinner as his fake date, but is sidetracked by the presence of a certain med student...
~*
“Soooo, Jane.”
“What do you want, Frost?”
“What makes you think I want anything?” 
Jane swiveled around in her chair to face him, and he was relieved to see that despite her deadpan tone, she was at least smiling. “Whenever you come in like that, like saying ‘so’ with a bunch of O’s on the end, it’s because you want something. So let’s just cut the small talk and get to it.”
His shoulders slumped, but he stayed resolved. “What’re your Thanksgiving plans? I promise this isn’t just small talk.”
“Oh, Uh, I dunno, I kinda figured I might just go to Boston Market.” She shrugged. “My family’s going to Maine to spend a few days with my aunt’s family, and on top of being really obnoxious, they’re homophobic as hell so I may have told Ma I was gonna be way too busy studying up for our written exam to take a vacation. Even a short one. Took a lot of convincing, but to let her feel okay with leaving me here alone on a family holiday, but she knows how important this test is.”
“Oh, and I bet you’re planning to study real hard,” Frost chuckled.
“For sure,” Jane said with mock seriousness. “Gonna, you know, kick back with a beer and really hit the books. And by books, I mean ESPN.”
“Cool, sounds good, sounds good...but what if I had a counter-offer? At least for the holiday itself? Like, say, an undercover mission?”
Jane frowned thoughtfully. “I’m listening.”
Encouraged, Frost grabbed a nearby chair and sat down to be at Jane’s eye level. “Speaking of obnoxious relatives, my mom invited my aunts’ families for Thanksgiving, and if I show up to another family function without a girlfriend, my cousins will eat me alive.”
“You’re afraid of your cousins, dude?”
“They’re teenagers, Jane. Merciless. I am still getting guff about an unflattering pair of pants I wore to my uncle’s wedding three years ago. Pants that, say, a girlfriend might’ve warned me were unflattering. If I had a girlfriend. Isn’t it so sad that Barry doesn’t have a girlfriend? What’s wrong with Barry? Have we tried setting up Barry with Miles’ neighbor’s niece’s single friend?”
Jane held her hands up, trying to keep her friend from spinning further into a tizzy. “Okay, okay. So.., you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend,” she deduced.” Frost nodded mutely and Jane leaned back, putting the tips of her fingers together. “Interesting proposition. Haven’t pretended to be straight in like, three years. Maybe it was the same day you wore an ugly-ass pair of pants and I saw you while I was crossing the street or something and I was like, that’s it. I’m ready to declare my intent to swear off men altogether.” 
Frost laughed in exasperation. “Sure, let’s say it was that same day. Now what about this upcoming Thursday?”
She pretended to think about it for another minute. “Hmmm. Sounds like it’d be extremely difficult and dangerous. But Jane Rizzoli never backs down from a challenge.” She reached over to grasp his hand, as if they were making a solemn oath. “I’m down, man, let’s do it! And afterwards, if you want to spread it around how great I did on an undercover assignment with you, well...”
“Everyone will know you’re a pro!”
Unfortunately for Frost, things did not go quite as smoothly as he’d hoped.
He and Jane made a great first impression on his family, His mother Camille made a fuss over them, and Frost was almost a little alarmed by how smooth a liar Jane was, coming up with creative answers to all of Camille’s questions about how they’d come to start dating. She had her arm looped through Frost’s, and would swing them or squeeze his hand at choice moments in certain anecdotes when his aunt and cousins come by to also pester the new couple with inquiries. His cousins thought it was "so adorable!” that they’d come wearing matching football jerseys, an evaluation Jane had been banking on, which came with the benefit of not having to wear a nice dress.
“You’re doing good,” Frost whispered in an undertone in a rare moment alone—they had volunteered to go to the kitchen to get more appetizers out for the endlessly snacking children. “Maybe laying it on a little thick, though?”
Jane whirled around from the fridge, slamming her hands on the counter on either side of him and leaning in close. “Sorry, baby, this is what you signed up for,” she said in the huskiest voice she could muster.
“You...almost had me,” he squeaked. “But then you said ‘baby.’“ 
“Oh. Too much?”
“Little bit.”
They resumed their work of emptying bags of candied nuts. “You’re just lucky there’s no single or age-appropriate women at this party,” Jane said with a smirk. “Otherwise, I mean, I don’t know if I could reign in all this Rizzoli charm. But just to clarify, you said your sister was coming, right? She’s very cute...”
“Yes, she’s coming, but I regret I have to remind you she’s straight,” Frost snorted. “So it’s gonna be no dice with Abby. I guess there’s that friend of my mom’s we met. Robin? I think mom said she’s recently divorced, although from a husband. Could be bi, though.”
His tone made it clear he was teasing, and Jane opened her mouth to reply, but didn’t say anything right away. She was pretty sure she had picked up some heavy vibes between Robin and Camille, but if Camille hadn’t said anything to Frost yet, Jane certainly wasn’t about to speculate. “Yeah,” she eventually said. “I dig older women, for sure. But uh, I’ll keep my raging attraction in check for the sake of the mission.”
Her commitment, however, only went so far. When a woman showed up who was single and whose sexuality was undetermined, all bets went flying off the table.
Some of the cousins had started a football game in the backyard, and Jane was fast to get into the fray. Some were surprised to see that the composed young woman they’d been introduced to turned out to be one of the most aggressive in the game, tackling guys twice her size. Jokes were made about her and Frost trying to out-perform each other. Jane was running to catch a pass when the porch door opened, and Frost’s sister Abby walked out with a friend. Jane did a double take, locked eyes with Abby’s friend, and the football smashed her in the face.
She wondered if she’d blacked out for a second, because it seemed very all of a sudden that she was on her back on the ground, and this beautiful girl was hovering over her. Frost had come to her side as well, but it sounded like the game was still going on without them.
“What the hell happened there?” Frost asked, trying not to laugh. “That catch was yours to lose!”
“And I did,” Jane groaned, sitting up and instinctively shifting to touch her nose.
But the girl gently took hold of her hand and said, “Leave it alone for now, let’s get it cleaned up.”
Jane looked at her as if still very much in a daze, and Frost frowned, connecting the dots. He cleared his throat loudly, giving Jane a pointed look. “So, Jane, this is Abby’s friend, Maura. They’re classmates. And Maura, Jane is m-”
“Abby’s classmate?” Jane asked with a smile, which Maura reflected. “Med school, huh? So, you could tell me if this is broken?”
“I’m inclined to say more like a fracture,” Maura said, helping Jane to her feet. “Why don’t we get it washed off first, though? Then I can give you a more proper diagnosis.”
Frost half-heartedly stood up with them, but stopped at the porch rather than follow them inside. Abby was sitting on the steps, and she got up to give him a hug. “Do you know if your friend is like, available, and/or interested in women?” Abby asked. “Because mine is, and we both went to help when she went down and I’m pretty sure Maura tripped me on purpose to make sure she got there first.”
A flurry of concerned Frost friends and relatives surrounded Jane and Maura once they got back inside, but Jane reassured them all that the bleeding made it look worse than it really was, and Camille was proud of the chance to remind everyone that Maura was a classmate of her daughter’s from BCU’s medical school. She steered them to the nearest bathroom to clean up in, and handed Maura a dish towel she was prepared to sacrifice to a bloody nose.
“Normally, I’d prefer something sterile, but I think in this case beggars can’t be choosers,” Maura said, shutting the bathroom door after herself. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right? You look very flushed.”
“I’m...yes, I’m fine,” Jane said, clearing her throat.
The problem was that she’d seen way too many movies where people snuck off to bathrooms at parties to make out, and it was a hard image to get out of her head, and that had made her blush and it got worse when Maura had commented on it. As Maura set about dampening the cloth, Jane rolled up her sleeves as best she could and leaned against the wall, trying to strike a pose that was casual but also showed off her arm muscles in a not-too-obvious way. She shifted a few times, and couldn’t help flexing as she crossed her arms when Maura looked back at her. Maura’s eyes indeed lingered on her arms, and Jane tried to mask how pleased she was.
“So!” Such a declaration obviously required a follow-up, but now that Maura was looking her in the eye again, Jane’s stomach flipped and she could feel her bravado slipping like air out of a balloon. “You...come here often?”
“Abby’s mother’s bathroom? I’m afraid not,” Maura chuckled. She wiped away most the blood, and Jane flinched a little. “You should hold this, I mean, you were pinching your nose before, and you ought to keep doing it for a minute to make sure you’ve stemmed the blood flow.” Jane hastily obeyed, but neither of them was good with silences, so Maura asked, “Have you been here before? The house, I mean?”
“Actually, no—”
But answering while pinching her nose meant that Jane’s voice came out in a muffled nasally register, sending them both into peals of laughter. Maura tried hard to get a grip on herself because it was clearly hurting Jane to be laughing so hard; Jane winced as she tried to control her wheezing, grasping onto the sink to steady herself. They couldn’t look at each other, because the giggling was contagious, and just seeing Maura smile made Jane want to laugh at how stupid this all was. Finally they’d had enough time to regain their composure, and Jane said she was pretty sure the bleeding had stopped.
“So where are your folks?” Jane asked, focusing on the mirror as she cleaned herself up. “I’m guessing you’re not from around here?”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, I mean, you’re not with your family for Thanksgiving.”
Maura shook her head to clear it. “Yes. Oh, right. My parents are traveling; they’re often abroad. What about you?”
“My family’s out of town. I stayed home to be studious, but I’d just have been at my place watching the game alone if Frost hadn’t invited me over. You like football?”
“Mm, not much, to be honest.”
Jane shrugged, dropping the towel. “Not for everyone, I guess. Phew. Doesn’t look too awful, right? What’s the proper procedure from here, like, do you think you could fix this for me?”
With a delicate touch that sent shivers up and down Jane’s spine, Maura took her face in her hands. “I think so, yes.”
Eager to prolong the conversation as much as possible, Jane bit her lip as Maura continued to assess her. “Um, so, if football is off the table, can I ask what you do like?”
“Hm. While as far as I know I don’t like sports, I’m open to having my mind changed because I really like learning. I like poetry. I like going for walks in the rain. I like modern art and going to zoos and I like when girls wear baseball caps backwards. And...” She popped the hairline fracture back into place, prompting Jane to squeak “ow!” but before she could lodge a formal complaint, Maura said, “I like brunettes.”
“Whoa,” Jane breathed. 
It seemed like her turn to add something to the conversation, but then Maura seemed to remember herself—or rather, remember her medical responsibilities. “We should get some ice on that,” she mumbled, as if embarrassed all of a sudden by how forward she’d been. “Or you’ll start to look like Mike Tyson.”
“Hey! Nice sports reference,” Jane said. 
Trying to assure Maura that she hadn’t found the flirting weird (in fact, quite the opposite), Jane reached around her to open the door for her. They were back in close proximity now, and Maura might’ve been ready to close the door again to see what might happen if Frost hadn’t seen his window to barge in.
“SWEETHEART!” he boomed in a theatrical voice, Jane assumed was intended to be loud enough for relatives down the hall to hear. “Thank goodness you’re all right!”
He put his arms around her, and in a moment where it might’ve seemed appropriate for an actual couple to kiss, he suddenly looked weirded out and Jane looked disturbed. Maura noticed the oddness of the exchange, amplified by the fact that they seemed frozen in awkward position, but she was nonetheless mortified and ducked out of the room.
“Dude!” Jane hissed, pushing him away. “We were vibing!”
“Dude, you’re supposed to be here as my date!” Frost whispered back. “Can’t you just keep it in your pants for one day?!” 
“Frost, you don’t understand, she flirted with me!”
“Oh, you are so toast if you ever have to deal with a hot girl while you’re actually undercover.”
Jane gave his arm a light punch. “Okay, okay. You’re right, I’m sorry, I did accept this invitation on the promise that I’d convincingly act like your girlfriend. And I will continue to do so. But... aw, man. Can I please at least tell Maura? If she sees me being all cute with you, I dunno, I don’t want her to think she messed up trying to make a move on me.” 
Frost glanced down the hallway, checking to make sure no one else had wandered over. When he looked back at Jane, she was giving him the bambi eyes and puppy dog pout combo that meant instant death to any and all ill will. “Ugh! Okay, fine, I don’t wanna crotch-block you. But make sure she’s the only one who knows!”
Jane grinned and gave him a real hug. “Ahh, thanks man! Oh, and I gotta borrow this. Don’t worry, people will think it’s super cute.” She nimbly removed his baseball cap as she walked by, and flipped it around backwards. Camille directed her to the kitchen, where she had sent Maura to get an ice pack. Frost was hot on her heels, and as his mother had started bringing food out into the dining room, he loudly insisted that she relax while he brought everything in—to ensure no one else overheard whatever conversation Jane and Maura were about to have.
“Here,” Maura said, handing Jane an ice pack with a dish towel wrapped around it. “That should help. I’m sorry.”
“Sorry? What’re you sorry about?” Jane asked.
“F-for...” Maura rolled her eyes, sighing. “Abby just told me you’re her brother’s girlfriend, and I totally threw myself at you and—”
“No, no, no,” Jane whispered. “It’s cool, it’s cool, um, it’s not real. Me and Frost. He’s my bro and I love him, but not like that.”
Maura raised her eyebrows hopefully. “Oh?”
“Yeah, he was self-conscious about coming home without a girlfriend, like, I guess it’s something his family ribs him about a lot so I agreed to come along and kinda help him out. Just this once,” she hastened to add. “Like, just for today. Come tomorrow, I’m gonna be free as a bird. Hell, come tonight. As soon as we leave.”
Her eagerness was obvious and flattering. “Oh, thank God,” Maura sighed feeling much lighter. “It wouldn’t have been the first time I misread a social cue, so I thought maybe you weren’t...” She trailed off, and they exchanged a shy smile. “I may not know a lot about football, but I do know that you looked pretty good out there. Really nice form, for a few seconds.”
Jane snorted. “Yeah, well, I do like to think I’m pretty good. But, uh, turns out I can get distracted pretty easy when there’s a beautiful woman around.”
“That’s going to make your mission of acting as Barry’s girlfriend pretty difficult today, then, isn’t it?” Maura asked.
Following Maura’s line of vision to the counter she, Jane, was leaning her arm on, Jane finally noticed that instead of casually resting her hand on a hot pad like she thought she’d done, she had accidentally let her fingers slip into a cooling pan of baked macaroni and cheese. They both stared for a few painfully long moments as Jane cast about for some witty remark she could make about this situation. That option was not afforded her, though, when Frost came hurrying back in and saw his friend’s hand in a dish. He pulled his sweater up over his mouth to muffle a shriek, which jolted Jane enough to yank her hand out. 
“You useless lesbian!” he said, voice still muffled by his sweater, as he ladled out the portion of the macaroni that Jane had touched.
“Hey, wait,” Jane said, stopping his hand as he prepared to toss the contaminated food into the sink. “That’s still good, don’t let it go to waste, I’ll eat it.” 
Grumbling, Frost grabbed a spoon to smooth over the mussed mac & cheese, and took it out to the dining room. As Jane cleaned the ladle she had just eaten out of, the last of the straggling kids had come running in from the backyard, and she figured it was probably time to make good on her word to Frost and go make a show in front of everyone else. She turned fully away from the sink only to see Maura standing much closer.
“You’ve got some cheese here,” Maura said, pointing to the corner of her own mouth. She held out her thumb before Jane could do anything about it, though. “May I?”
“Sure,” Jane said, hoping she sounded much cooler than her dangerously thundering heartbeat would’ve implied. 
Unbeknownst to either of them, though Jane had kept her word by making sure Maura was the only person she told about her and Frost’s secret plan, they were sharing this cutesy moment in full view of Camille and Robin, who could see it all unfold from the dining room through a small wall opening over the kitchen sink.
“Hmmmm,” said Robin, watching as Maura made the quick but obvious gesture of licking the cheese of her finger. “So, uh, Barry’s girlfriend...?”
“Oh, she’s gay as hell,” Camille whispered. “Mm. This is gonna be rough. I know I said I wanted to tell Barry about us tonight, when everyone’s gone, but it might be too much to hear about his girlfriend and his mom on the same day.”
“What makes you think he’ll find out about Jane today?” 
Jane and Maura came into the dining room chatting animatedly, and Frost rolled his eyes but managed a small smile as Jane blindly reached for his hand. With her other hand occupied holding the ice pack to her nose, Jane used her foot to nudge a chair out for Maura.
“Hm. Y’know, maybe he already knows,” Robin mused. 
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fluorescentpipedream · 5 years ago
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I love when new characters talk to me, and especially when they involve established characters in what they’re telling me. So here’s a few new things
-Reverend is RJ’s son, with his brother’s wife. When RJ first came into my head, he established he was Rev’s uncle and his brother hated him because he’d fucked his wife, not once but twice. The first time was 2 days before their wedding and the second happened sometime in the middle of their marriage, before Rev was born.
Turns out there’s a bit more to that. RJ and Willow (There’s a reason all of the Jamison boys have weird names, mom was a hippie, though now she’s turned into more of a Stepford) has been dating throughout most of high school. Or...what you might call dating. RJ would take her out on his bike, they’d have sex and then get dinner somewhere before he’d take her home. He was very much in love with her but him going nowhere fast in life scared her because she wanted security more than love. RJ’s brother Darren somehow convinced her that his brother was never going to marry her, or give her a safe, secure life (he was in a gang, after all) and so she ended up running off with him. Pissed and hurt because his brother not only stole his girl but it seemed that his girl never actually loved him, RJ got her into bed with one more time, before they were married, and had his way with her. Afterward, he told her she’ll never get what she wants out of his brother, they both know she’s a trashy little whore and likes to be treated like it. She slapped him, married his brother and 2 years later had their first son, Dax. (I’ll have to figure out everyone’s ages, the way it’s looking RJ might be 50 instead of 42)
When Dax is 5, RJ was just getting out of jail and with nowhere to go, he fell onto his brother’s house in suburbia, seemingly trying to get his feet back on the ground. The Slayers have his back, of course, but he spent 7 years in jail for possession with intent to sell and was released due to overcrowding and the non-hostile nature of his crime made him less of a dangerous criminal. His brother spends several days berating RJ, continuously referring to him by Robert instead of his monicure, which he hates. When Darren leaves home for a business trip, he tells his brother he can stay for another week, then he’s got to leave. He can’t have “his type” in this neighborhood. Willow ends up crawling into bed with him the same night her husband leaves on his trip and the two spend most of that week doing nothing other than each other. Before Darren returns home, RJ tells Willow he’s leaving, she’s not going to get to keep him as a fuck toy unless she tells his brother the truth.
Afraid of losing her nice house and fancy car, she instead tells Darren that RJ raped her and threatened Dax. Darren confronts his brother and the two go at each other, ending with RJ pulling his switchblade on his brother and telling him that Willow is only with him for his money. Enraged and unable to think straight, RJ breaks into their house while the two are visiting the Hamptons and steals money that Darren has hidden, even from his wife, in Dax’s toy box. He ends up arrested, this time for trespassing but there’s no real proof he did anything. Dax had been home when it happened, never really allowed to go to the Hamptons or anywhere else with his parents and told the police that RJ only got him some water and spent the night on the floor of his room before leaving when the babysitter came back. His parents get in a little trouble because their sitter wasn’t staying all night though they claim not to know anything about that.He’d seen his uncle but refused to tattle on time, RJ never hurt him, didn’t even threaten him. (Who threatens a 5 year old?)
Willow seeks out RJ about 4 months later and says she’s pregnant with his kid and he needs to take “responsibility for his crimes against her” He tells her to get fucked, if she wants him to take care of it so bad, give him the kid. She never comes back, and 5 months later gives birth to Reverend. Her husband knows he’s RJ’s kid and they raise Rev with the same kind of hands-off, who cares as long as we’re rich, mentality that Dax had gotten up til then.
-When Rev gets into middle school he meets Zachary Sullivan, though because of a speech impediment he’s unable to say Zach, he starts calling his new friend Jax. Jax takes it, originally finding the younger boy annoying but eventually they become pretty fast friends. Especially since Jax is the “wrong sort” Willow and Darren want their son hanging around, that fuels a fire in both boys and they become inseparable. Jax learns about blood brothers from something he’s reading so he and Rev do that, cutting their hands and agreeing they will always be friends. Every attempt by Darren and Willow to separate the boys fail, and eventually Rev’s parents throw in the towel and give up altogether.
-when Jax is 19, he tries to go through the Slayers’ initiation, which culiminates in getting into a pit with the leader’s pet tiger, Zara. She’s generally well behaved but a bit battle scarred as she’s been doing this for some time. (RJ gave her the scar above her right eye when he went through it when she was still young) Rev never made it past the first round of tests, but he’s supporting Jax when he climbs into the tiger pit. Jax can’t stand the heat, though bows out gracefully as you can when faced with a massive tiger growling at you. He’s told to leave, but at least gained the respect of the Slayers.
-Jax joins a small gang of petty car thieves, and Rev does as well and over time, Jax becomes their leader, pushing the original guy down below him. Damien is pissed but Jax doesn’t stay in that position all that long. He gets involved with a man named John but is rather unceremoniously thrown into a dumpster when John’s friend Ryki, who is also a member of Jax’s gang, finds out what kind of abusive boyfriend he is.
-Rev, having just been arrested while the Jax, John and Ryki thing is happening, is bailed out by his father who is utterly disgusted by the boy with scattered tattoos, and blue streaks in his hair (which John did). While driving Rev home and angrily venting about how this behavior is going to stop, Darren pops off with how he shouldn’t be surprised, Rev is turning out just like his good for nothing father. Confused, Rev asks what he means and finds out Darren’s side of the truth, which his mother repeats, almost word for word. Angry and confused, he asks Dax, who is packing to leave home as well, not wanting to deal with this train wreck of a family anymore. Especially since their parents now have Falco, their baby brother and model to dote on and use. Dax tells him that no matter what mom and dad say, uncle RJ has never been anything but kind to him. He tells Rev that he remembers their mom going into the room RJ was staying in willingly, a lot, and only getting mad when he told her he was leaving. He also tells Rev that RJ would probably have been a better father. Dax leaves that night and never looks back, moving to Las Vegas.
-Rev originally wanted to get RJ to help him but after meeting an angry Jax after Ryki “threw him away” and his crazy mother kicked him out after finding out her son is gay, the two decide to just leave California and never look back. Rev steals about $700 from his mother’s purse, and get into Jax’s POS car. Wherever it stops, they stop. They wind up in southern Illinois, moving into a small apartment complex in Belleville together. Jax isn’t gay, he’s bi, but very homophobic even towards himself. Rev meets Drake and Jax starts dating Kristy and the rest is history.
-Skip to 2006, RJ gets a call from his sister in law out of the blue telling him that his son, Reverend, has just married a psychopath in southern IL and they now have some kind of demon spawn together, before hanging up. RJ is, admittedly, a little confused by the entire conversation and thinks nothing of it until the uprising in the Slayers following the death of their leader and Queenie’s promotion to their new leader. Some understand and follow the “family don’t end in blood” rule (meaning if you’ve been brought into the Slayers and completed the initiation through the blood rite, you become family and the selection of leaders is passed on through the lines, even if that means a 3 year old kid is now your boss) Others, like the Vikings and a handful of others tried challenging the rule, causing dissent and ultimately infighting leads to RJ getting shot, twice. The first time was from Rollo when he tried to shoot Queenie. Rollo pays for that mistake by taking a barbed wire baseball bat to the face, courtesy of RJ and dies of a broken neck. The second time is by Lisa “Lagratha” his ex-lover whom he broke up with after he starting pursuing his current girlfriend and the mother of his child. While he’s on the ground and with a bullet in his hip he realizes he has a kid he’s never known, is about to be a father again and has a grandchild and he wants to have something resrmbling a relationship with them. Even if Rev tells him to fuck off, at least he would have tried.
-RJ volunteers to go to IL and speak with the gang leaders in Chicago and the Scorpions of East St Louis, figuring he’ll stop in to see Rev and the so-called psychopath while he’s there. After being met at the border of Chicago and threatened by the Marcone crime family, he heads down to Belleville to find Reverend. What he finds is pretty close to what he’d been expecting. While Drake is a little odd, her and Rev are sweet together and the boy found genuine love with her. The two talk outside for a while, RJ tells Rev he’s about to be a father himself and would like more than anything to be part of his life and that of his granddaughter’s as well if Rev would have him. Rev doesn’t put much thought into it, telling him that he and his family are going to be moving back to LA in a few months after they settle some things here, since he got offered an internship at Henson Studios and they’re going to be closer, he’d love to have Sunny know an actual grandpa, as opposed to his now estranged parents.
-RJ tells Rev by agreeing to spend time with him, he, Drake and Sunny are coming under the protection of the Slayers and if they need anything they have a very large family watching out for them. Through Rev, he also gets to meet with the East St Louis Scorpions and strikes a deal with their leader wherein one (or more if they want)of their guys gain access to the Slayers in LA and have a permanent place in their meetings and vice versa.
-RJ has two vehicles (3 if you count the silver bullet trailer he lives in), one is a ‘96 Trans AM he’s been rebuilding for a while. This is what he drives to Illinois.
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The second is his motorcycle, a Harley Davidson sportster with custom exhaust. This is what he was riding when he meet Jamie.
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((Side note, Ragnar and his Vikings don’t end up leaving LA completely, as he gets involved with a good little Catholic boy, and tries to convince Ireena that he didn’t know Rollo and Floki were going to start an all out uprising with them and he, Lagretha and some younger ones would like to return to the Slayers, since no one else will have them)))
(((One other side note, RJ wears a small vial of blood around his neck hidden inside of a hollowed out bullet casing. He said it’s the leaders’ and his best friend’s blood, which he keeps close to his heart at all times. He notices that Rev wears one too and when he asks why, rev tells him it’s just a bullet from he and Jax were younger and struck up their blood brother pact. They had found the bullets along a back road and Rev emptied and cleaned them, filling them with sand and turning them into pendants that both the boys still wear. RJ makes a crack about Rev winding up like him after all when Rev tells him the relationship he and Jax have is thicker than blood. )))
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octoberobserver · 5 years ago
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I recently had a dream about a plot for a fic where reddie get a duck from mike on their wedding day and the note makes it seem like it’s meaningful to their relationship and they spend their whole honeymoon trying to figure out what the deep meaning of this duck is and it turns out stan and bev dared mike to do it to fuck w/ them and when i woke up i immediately was like SOMEONE HAS TO WRITE THIS and i immediately thought of you! (literally u don’t have to it’s just funny how i thought of you)
Hi Nonnie! This *probably* isn’t what you had in mind, but I hope you like it anyway ^_^ ♥️
Your Love Life’s DOA (read on ao3)
“...a chick.” 
“Pretty sure it’s a cock, dude.”
“It’s a chicken, asswipe. Cocks are roosters.” 
“Huh. And here I thought cocks were—”
“Don’t,” Eddie Kaspbrak held up his hands, cutting Richie Tozier off mid-terrible-joke. 
Richie just smirked, his eyes alight in a way that never failed to make Eddie’s stomach swoop.
“Cock, chicken, whatever it is,” he waved dismissively with the hand not cradling the miniature poultry, “it’s cute as fuck.”  
Eddie stared at Richie staring down at the (probable) baby chicken, warmth spreading across his chest. 
He only basked in the feeling for .2 seconds however as the irritation he had felt this morning when he opened the door to go grab their mail and nearly stomped on the little feather-ball, made a swift resurgence. 
“But why the fuck was it outside our door?”
“...”
“Richie.”
“...”
“Rich.” 
“...”
“Trashmouth!” 
Richie’s head snapped up from where he had been gazing down at the chick that looked comically small in his ridiculously large hand. 
Eddie’s treacherous stomach did an impressive (if annoying) front handspring. 
“I don’t know, Eds. Maybe it was meant for the butcher shop down the street. Or a petting zoo,” he tilted his head, looking pensive, “maybe it’s Erica Delaney getting her sweet revenge on me after I broke our egg-son in the first five minutes of class. Or it’s the chicken god’s gift to us to raise in his image, fucked if I know. All I do know is,” he shrugged, gently, with one shoulder as to not jostle the chirping baby bird, “we're definitely keeping it.” 
Eddie blinked.
“We can’t keep a chicken in the apartment, Richie.”
Richie’s eyebrows raised halfway up his expansive forehead.
“Why not? I own the building, and I say it’s all good for lil Chick-Fil-A to stay.”
“We’re not naming it after a homophobic chicken restaurant, dickwad.” 
A slow smile spread across Richie’s face that had Eddie’s pulse simultaneously racing and screeching to a halt. 
“...But we are keeping it?”
Fuck.
~*~
“Chicken Little?”
“No.”
“Chicken Run.”
“What?”
“Chick Flick.”
“Hell no.”
“Oh! Wait! I got it - Chicken Carbonara! Carbs for short.” 
“You’re an idiot.” 
“I agree,” Stanley Uris piped up as he meandered his way over to where Eddie and Richie (baby chick loudly making her presence known in his shirt pocket) were arguing at the sink, glass in hand, topping up Patty’s Merlot.
“You don’t have a horse in this race, Staniel,” Richie dismissed his input, gently running a finger over the chick’s fuzzy head, adopting a sickening sweet baby voice, “Isn’t that right, Carbs? Uncle Stan the Man wouldn’t know a good nickname if it kicked him in the face.” 
“Coming from the man called ‘Trashmouth.’” 
“Eds gave me that name, so blame him,” Richie quirked an eyebrow, elbowing the man in question. 
Eddie’s Chardonnay tipped dangerously close to the rim of the glass. 
Richie ignored his murderous glare. 
“Now all we need,” Richie beamed with pride as ‘Carbs’ gave another loud chirp from her cloth perch, “...is a duck.” 
Eddie winced, “You need to stop binge-watching Friends, Rich. Who are we, Joey and Chandler?” 
“Dibs on Chandler!”
Eddie rolled his eyes, gesturing up and down at Richie. 
“Well duh.” 
Richie merely smirked, tilting his head at him, “You’re definitely more of a Monica than a Joey, though.” 
“So in this scenario, you two are married?”
Both Eddie and Richie whirled around to blink at Stan who had attracted the attention of the rest of the Losers, each now awaiting some sort of response with rising interest. 
Eddie refused to give one. 
He also refused to look at Richie not give one. 
“Ooh we’re playing the Which Friends Character Are You game, huh?” Richie asked, stepping around Stan, eyes still focussed on the chick. 
Stan rolled his eyes, “There’s eight of us, it doesn’t work.” 
“Spoken like a true Ross.” 
Stan shook his head and sighed.
Like the Ross he was.
“Alright, I’m game,” Bev piped up, raising her glass from across the room, her eyes glinting at Richie. 
“Do your worst, Trashmouth.” 
Richie smirked, clearly tickled by the challenge. 
“Alright, Marsh,” he cleared his throat, beginning to pace the room like Columbo at the end of every episode, where he explained how he solved the whole damn case with nothing but a moved potted plant, “You’re Phoebe obviously, because you’re a fiery but lovable enigma who’s cooler than all of us combined.”
Bev chuckled, “Damn straight.”
“Haystack here,” Richie whirled around, cradling Carbs to his chest in one hand and pointing with the other, “is our Joey for his actor good-looks and lovable nature.” 
Ben sank down into the couch next to Bev, picking up her socked-feet and rubbing them, “I’ll take it.” 
Bev grinned, “I did always think Joey and Phoebe should’ve got together. Although Paul Rudd was great.”
“Which leads me to,” Richie turned to his left, smirking.
“Oh no,” Mike held up his hands, “count me out. Black people weren’t even a thing on Friends until like season 9 or whatever so—”
“Oh yeah, the diversity sucks ass Mikey, no one’s disputing that,” Richie agreed with a nod, “but hear me out. You’re Mike, Mike! A sexy, African-American Paul Rudd. Think about it...you may come in late in the game but you win everyone over instantly with your good looks, nerdy charm and wicked air-piano skills! Just like you did with the Losers Club!” 
Mike blinked, amused.
Stan tilted his head.
“I don’t think that’s exactly—”
“Same with Patty!” 
Richie cut Stan off, clearly on a roll, whirling around to point at his wife.
“It feels like she’s always been with us, right?” he asked the group at large, smile pleased when everyone nods in agreement, Bev winding an arm around her from where she was perched on the arm of the couch, causing Patty to flush and grin behind her wine glass at the compliment. 
“And you know who was always with the Friends? Always there, like an honorary 7th member? Or 8th in this case?” 
Eddie rolled his eyes, not quite believing he was going to participate in this.
“Gunther.” 
Richie winked, “Gold star for Kaspbrak.” 
“She does make a mean Cappuccino,” Stan mumbled almost absentmindedly as Patty gave her charming snort-laugh, letting her head rest against her husband’s shoulder as he stood next to the couch. 
“Which leaves…”
Richie slowly turned on the spot, like the dramatic bastard he was. 
“Congrats, Bill. You’re Rachel. Our Jen Aniston. People are gonna start copying your hairstyle soon.” 
Bill chuckled, “Yeah, don’t think ‘The Bill’ has quite the same ring to it, Rich.” 
Richie gave a dismissive wave. 
“It’ll catch on. Then you’ll become a mega movie star and forget the rest of us exist. Except for Eddie, of course.”
Bill frowned.
“Why just Eddie?”
Richie threw him an exasperated look.
“Because he’s Monica! Courteney Cox. Best friend of Jen to this day. Duh.” 
“So you two are married, then?” 
Eddie felt his throat tighten as Richie squared his shoulders at Stanley, gently putting Carbs in her bed before huffing out a laugh.
“Nah man, we’re still in the friends-who-help-friends-give-their-dates-orgasms-in-seven-steps, stage.” 
Stan rolled his eyes.
“Right.” 
Eddie watched as the two friends stared at one another, a weird tension draping over them.
And in true Phoebe-style, Bev broke it.
“Hey, who wants to hear my Smelly Cat rendition?” 
Richie’s analysis was flawed, of course. Bill didn’t know jack about fashion (that was Bev), Ben built stages not performed on them, Stan actually loved, cherished and respected his partner, Patty wasn’t desperately in unrequited love with Bill (that was Mike, though it was requited), Mike wasn’t married to Bev (that was Ben) and Bev…
Well.
Bev was spot on, actually. A riddle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in mystery, all while being simultaneously cool and lovable. 
And Eddie?
He was Monica Geller and proud of it, dammit.
A damn shame Courteney never got the Emmy-nom, in his opinion. 
As for Richie?
Richie wasn’t Chandler Bing. Chandler Bing was Richie Tozier.
“If only they had let Chandler be gay,” Richie sighed wistfully as Eddie closed the door, waving off the last of their guests, Bill and Mike as they hopped in an Uber headed for Casa Denbrough. 
“Why? So you could fuck Ben instead?” 
Eddie knew how his voice sounded as he slowly leaned back against the door, reaching out to pull Richie towards him by his collar, crashing their lips together in a bruising kiss that he had ached for all night. 
Richie gasped into his mouth, his hands roaming Eddie’s body like a hyperactive octopus, pressing him back against the door and rolling his bottom lip between his teeth.
Eddie groaned, breaking the kiss, staring up at his best-friend-turned-secret-boyfriend. 
“So, when do we tell them we hooked up at Ben and Bev’s wedding?” 
Richie chuckled, leaning down and pressing his lips against Eddie’s neck, right over the spot he knew drove him crazy, breathing hot against his skin. 
“Not until I ask Bill for his eyelash curler and Ben figures us out. Duh.”
~*~
They really should have been all fucked out after three weeks of eating, drinking, sleeping and sex-ing in Barbados, and yet, as soon as they got back to their apartment, they christened their old bed, their leaking shower and the living room floor because they just couldn’t get enough of each other.
Married.
They were fucking married.
Husbands. 
Legally bound.
Til death—
No, not even death could stop them. They proved that already.
“You’re heavy,” Eddie groaned, his chest vibrating under where Richie had his face squished against it. 
“It’s all the Barbadian food, dude. S’gone straight to my thighs.”
Eddie brushed his hand along said thigh, squeezing roughly.
“Hmm. I like your thighs.” 
“I like you.”
“You better. You’re kinda stuck with me now.”
Richie lifted his head off Eddie’s sweaty chest, smiling softly, interlocking their left hands, pressing their rings together. 
“Guess my love life isn’t D.O.A anymore, huh.” 
Eddie groaned, and not in the sexy way he had been five minutes before. 
“Those Friends references grew old in the nineties, dude. Stop.”  
Richie pecked at his lips, letting out a sound of disagreement. 
“I’ll have you know, Eds, I—”
The unmistakable sound of a knock echoed throughout the apartment. 
They blinked at one another.
“Who the fuck is that? No one knows we’re home yet.”
The post-Honeymoon-fuck had come (heh) above all - including texting the group chat that they had made it back safely onto California soil. 
Marriage had made them selfish like that.
Eddie shrugged, “I don’t know. Could be Rosa dropping off Carbs. I did tell her we’d be back today, and she might have like...sensed us. You know what she’s like.”
Rosa was their downstairs neighbour, a lovable, elderly woman who seemed to have had a sixth sense for everything Richie and Eddie-related even before they had become a couple, often calling them out for the pining bullshit before they got their act together, got tipsy at Benverly’s wedding and jumped each other. 
Or as Richie put it once - “She high-key ships us, man. Wants us to bone it out.” 
To this day, Eddie had no idea what that meant. 
Another knock came, this one louder.
“Alright, I’m coming,” Eddie called out, pushing a whining Richie off his chest before he could make the obvious joke and forcing himself to sit up, grimacing as the sheet stuck to his back. 
He’d have to be the one to answer. No way he was unleashing a half-naked Richie onto Mrs Hernandez. 
Eddie actually had the decency to pull on sweatpants and an old Trashmouth-tee before padding to the door.
He knew his husband did not.
Husband.
Eddie smiled to himself, his stomach doing its usual somersaults that he knew would never fully disappear. 
Richie Tozier, his lifelong best friend, was now his husband too. 
Crazy. 
“Sorry Rosa, we were—”
His incredibly made-up-on-the-spot excuse died on his lips as he opened the front door to reveal - nothing. 
Frowning, Eddie stared into the empty air, turning his head to glance down the very vacant hallway.
And then, he heard it.
Quack! 
“Oh, not again.” 
“Duck!” 
Richie said it like fuck.
Like he had been human-autocorrected.
“Yes, Richie, I see that,” Eddie sighed at his husband who had appeared over his shoulder, still shirtless, staring down at the baby duck sitting pretty in a box, much like Carbs had two years before.
“We’re not naming him Daffy,” Eddie grumbled, bending down to gently pick up the box, cradling the duckling against his chest and kicking the door shut.
Richie opened his mouth.
“Or Donald.” 
Richie closed his mouth. 
One quack called Donald was enough. 
“We’ll brainstorm,” Richie grinned, leaning down and capturing Eddie’s lips, before softly patting the new addition to their family on the head.
They’d find the note later. The one that read, 
To Chandler and Monica, 
You two were the last to find out.
Not Stan. 
Here’s a brother for Carbs.
We left her with you as a prank, for Richie’s Friends obsession, but you became the best dads ever instead. You’ll do it again. 
Just don’t get them stuck in the Foosball Table. 
~The Losers
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rwood2477 · 5 years ago
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I’m a 31 year old mother of 2 (today’s my birthday, actually).
Growing up, my parents never talked politics or spoke badly about any President. I think they wanted me to form my own views without forming them for me. As a parent, I understand & admire that. By the time I graduated high school, I didn’t know if they were Republicans or Democrats.
The year I graduated high school was the year Obama became President. Since I didn’t have any interest in politics, I didn’t vote. Although I didn’t have a good feeling about Obama, I remember being happy that he won the election because it meant our country was finally past racism. What a special milestone for the USA, right?
Wrong! The entire 8 years of Obama’s presidency was all about race & identity. Suddenly, I wasn’t an American anymore....I was a straight white woman & he was a black man & I had a Latino friend & an Asian friend & a gay friend & a bisexual friend & a liberal friend, & a conservative boyfriend & an atheist friend & a Christian friend, etc.....We were all put into groups & it didn’t feel like an AMERICAN melting pot to me anymore. These groups weren’t allowed to understand each other...we were told we could never understand each other & that it was wrong to even try. That didn’t feel American to me.
The National Anthem has always gotten me choked up. I have always pictured all the people who have sacrificed to bring this country to where we are today. That’s what the song means to me. I was told the song was racist. It was really about colonial imperialism & our country is built on a terrible foundation. The USA is bad for the world. I was going to college to be a teacher. My professors were liberal. Suddenly, saying the Pledge of Allegiance in school was being frowned upon & we were told that being a Patriot is taboo & the flag is a symbol of oppression. President Obama didn’t even seem to like our country? That didn’t feel very American to me.
The first time I heard Trump was running for President, I had no idea who he was. I saw funny pictures & memes of him & laughed. I never even heard his voice. I was visiting my parents & the subject of the election came up. My dad said, “so, what do you think about Trump?” I laughed & I said I couldn’t believe a TV Star was actually wasting his time running for President because the White House isn’t supposed to be a joke. All he said was “You should hear what he has to say. Most of it makes sense.” I have always admired & respected my dad & so I did that.
EVERYTHING Trump said felt AMERICAN to me!
Had my dad not said that to me, I probably wouldn't have voted again or I probably would have voted for the "First Woman President" just to see America reach another important milestone.
My husband & I will vote for Trump a 2nd time.
I have grown to love the subjects of government, politics, corruption, foreign affairs, etc. I enjoy talking about these things. However, I have only come to realize that I am on the right side of history & the right side of this political game BECAUSE of the way the Left acts compared to the way the Right acts. They are downright hostile & I’ve experienced it so many times.
Just a couple days ago, a major Leftist in my town publicly smeared my name on FB after he & another attacked me for 5 hours until 2:30am one night under a political post. I was calm. They were hostile. Then, one of them took it a step further than any else. I woke up to him calling me a "racist," a "homophobe," a "transphobe," a "pile of f*ck," a "gaslighter," a "phony," a "fake," & a "statistic” all in one public post...a guy I had never talked to before that night.
I am NONE of those things.
His smear post has 80 Likes & 115 comments in support of his fake victimhood. He didn’t even mention what we were discussing. They all assume I was bullying him for being gay or something because they weren’t there & didn’t see the conversation & he refused to be truthful.
This is how the Left "debates."
My interaction with this emotional & hostile Lefty is the perfect example of why I will absolutely never vote Democrat or support the Left. They have become insane & they are mean.
As far as politics are concerned, I went from being a quiet, uninterested Independent to a vocal Libertarian with majority Conservative views. Sticking to the Constitution satisfies me most & I will vote straight ticket Republican until the day that a more freedom-loving major party emerges. ❤️🇺🇸
I joined this group last night after I typed in "are there any gay Republicans" into a search engine out of frustration. (I know - kind of silly, right 🙈) I was surprised to see that there are MANY that disagree with the Left & I wanted to understand the difference between the way that 26 year old bully sees the world & the way you all in this group see the world. I also was hoping to prove to myself that I’m not crazy when I say the Left is hostile & the stories I’m reading have confirmed that already!
Thank you for adding me. I really appreciate all of your stories. 💜 #MAGA
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skamamoroma · 5 years ago
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For the anon in my ask box...
Yes, it is very very possible to be anything other than straight (however you identify) and to still, out of fear or worry or panic or anything, fail to be an upstanding member of the LGBT+ community. It sucks, it hurts and i doubt anybody wants to be that way but it happens.
To get a bit personal, one of my very best friends is very religious. She’s kind, gentle, caring and loves openly. She, however, sometimes says things that hurt me, she has no idea and it’s borne out of ignorance. The other day we were talking with her husband about a male friend we used to have who is gay. During the conversation, she said “I don’t get this whole plus (+) with the LGBT community, I mean at this point isn’t everyone just part of it. The only people who aren’t part of it are straight people. I mean I get gay people and trans people but all the others, it doesn’t make sense to me.”
I’m closeted. I’m 30 years old. She has zero clue how I feel. I am also asexual and romantically, I like girls and I think, boys too. I’m not really 100%. I have never told a soul this in real life.
She didn’t mean it in a hurtful way. If she knew she’d hurt me she’d have been horribly upset. But my response? Terrible. I tried to say something like “well it’s all about a sense of community” but, instead, out of panic, said “yeah I know right, it’s confusing”... when I am a part of the damn plus and I know exactly why. There were so many things I wanted to say and normally I am 100% assertive but I couldn’t.
I tell her everything but she would never be the first person I’d come out to. Ever. That hurts. It sucks. It makes me want to cry. It’s why the fact that Skam France nailed it when they had Yann say what he did because he REALISED that microaggressions are not that micro. That words that many think are throw away can enormously impact a person. Lucas didn’t choose him to come out to because he didn’t know how he’d react despite him being the one person he desperately wanted to speak to.
It’s common in the LGBT+ community to seek those who will be kind and I know, if I ever felt able to be open, who I’d choose to do that with and it isn’t my closest and longest friend. She’d be devestated if she knew.
Robbe, today, behaved poorly in the presence of people who have been casually homophobic before. This panic while feeling uncomfortable and testing the waters for how your friend would react is such a universal experience for many many LGBT+ folks regardless of how they truly feel inside and how wrong it may feel to not assert yourself.
I hope this helps :)
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addictedforbooksquad · 6 years ago
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P I C K (S)  O F  T H E  M O N T H: M A Y
The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite
Passion on Park Avenue by Lauren Layne
Mistborn: The Alloy Era Series by Brandon Sanderson
Mistborn: Secret History by Brandon Sanderson
Marriage for One by Ella Maise
A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
The Lady’s Guide to Celestial Mechanics by Olivia Waite
Genres: Historical Romance, LGBT, F/F romance
Synopsis:
As Lucy Muchelney watches her ex-lover’s sham of a wedding, she wishes herself anywhere else. It isn’t until she finds a letter from the Countess of Moth, looking for someone to translate a groundbreaking French astronomy text, that she knows where to go. Showing up at the Countess’ London home, she hoped to find a challenge, not a woman who takes her breath away. Catherine St Day looks forward to a quiet widowhood once her late husband’s scientific legacy is fulfilled. She expected to hand off the translation and wash her hands of the project—instead, she is intrigued by the young woman who turns up at her door, begging to be allowed to do the work, and she agrees to let Lucy stay. But as Catherine finds herself longing for Lucy, everything she believes about herself and her life is tested. While Lucy spends her days interpreting the complicated French text, she spends her nights falling in love with the alluring Catherine. But sabotage and old wounds threaten to sever the threads that bind them. Can Lucy and Catherine find the strength to stay together or are they doomed to be star-crossed lovers?
Why we love it:
a beautiful love story between two women
female friendships and women supporting women
characters who find out about Lucy and Catherine are not homophobic but rather supportive
focus on both romance AND personal journeys of the characters
sexism and misogyny are challenged, by both female and male characters (some of them at least)
beautiful, poetic passages
Trigger warnings: mentions of emotional abuse, sexism, misogyny
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Passion on Park Avenue by Lauren Layne
Genres: Romance, Contemporary, New Adult
Synopsis:
For as long as she can remember, Bronx-born Naomi Powell has had one goal: to prove her worth among the Upper East Side elite—the same people for which her mom worked as a housekeeper. Now, as the strongminded, sassy CEO of one of the biggest jewelry empires in the country, Naomi finally has exactly what she wants—but it’s going to take more than just the right address to make Manhattan’s upper class stop treating her like an outsider. The worst offender is her new neighbor, Oliver Cunningham—the grown son of the very family Naomi’s mother used to work for. Oliver used to torment Naomi when they were children, and as a ridiculously attractive adult, he’s tormenting her in entirely different ways. Now they find themselves engaged in a battle-of-wills that will either consume or destroy them… Filled with charm and heart and plenty of sex and snark, this entertaining series will hook you from the very first page.
Why we love it:
ambitious millionaire female character whose story is basically about rags to riches
soft male character
female friendships and dynamics are amazing
cute love story
Lauren Layne’s style has improved so much and it’s time to start reading her books
Trigger warnings: n/a
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Mistborn: The Alloy Era series by Brandon Sanderson
Genres: Fantasy, High Fantasy, Adult
Synopsis:
Three hundred years after the events of the Mistborn trilogy, Scadrial is now on the verge of modernity, with railroads to supplement the canals, electric lighting in the streets and the homes of the wealthy, and the first steel-framed skyscrapers racing for the clouds. Kelsier, Vin, Elend, Sazed, Spook, and the rest are now part of history—or religion. Yet even as science and technology are reaching new heights, the old magics of Allomancy and Feruchemy continue to play a role in this reborn world. Out in the frontier lands known as the Roughs, they are crucial tools for the brave men and women attempting to establish order and justice. One such is Waxillium Ladrian, a rare Twinborn who can Push on metals with his Allomancy and use Feruchemy to become lighter or heavier at will. After twenty years in the Roughs, Wax has been forced by family tragedy to return to the metropolis of Elendel. Now he must reluctantly put away his guns and assume the duties and dignity incumbent upon the head of a noble house. Or so he thinks, until he learns the hard way that the mansions and elegant tree-lined streets of the city can be even more dangerous than the dusty plains of the Roughs. 
Why we love it:
amazing writing
plots and twists all around
we see familiar faces from the first trilogy *wink wink*
SO. MUCH. FUN.
western-sherlock-fantasy
most adorable character ever, that's on the spectrum
Trigger warnings: violence
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Mistborn: Secret History by Brandon Sanderson
Genres: Fantasy, High Fantasy, Adult
Synopsis:
Mistborn: Secret History is a companion story to the original Mistborn trilogy. As such, it contains HUGE SPOILERS for the books Mistborn (The Final Empire), The Well of Ascension, and The Hero of Ages. It also contains very minor spoilers for the book The Bands of Mourning. Mistborn: Secret History builds upon the characterization, events, and worldbuilding of the original trilogy. Reading it without that background will be a confusing process at best. In short, this isn’t the place to start your journey into Mistborn. (Though if you have read the trilogy—but it has been a while—you should be just fine, so long as you remember the characters and the general plot of the books.) Saying anything more here risks revealing too much. Even knowledge of this story’s existence is, in a way, a spoiler. There’s always another secret.  
Why we love it:
view on Mistborn Era 1 events from different perspective
reunions that will make you cry
we get SOME answers as well from Mistborn Era 1 and 2
Trigger warnings: violence
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Marriage for One by Ella Maise
Genres: Romance, Contemporary, New Adult
Synopsis:
Jack and I, we did everything backward. The day he lured me into his office-which was also the first day we met-he proposed. You'd think a guy who looked like him-a bit cold maybe, but still striking and very unattainable-would only ask the love of his life to marry him, right? You'd think he must be madly in love. Nope. It was me he asked. A complete stranger who had never even heard of him. A stranger who had been dumped by her fiancé only weeks before. You'd think I'd laugh in his face, call him insane-and a few other names-then walk away as quickly as possible. Well…I did all those things except the walking away part. It took him only minutes to talk me into a business deal…erm, I mean marriage, and only days for us to officially tie the knot. Happiest day of my life. Magical. Pop the champagne… Not. It was the worst day. Jack Hawthorne was nothing like what I'd imagined for myself. I blamed him for my lapse in judgment. I blamed his eyes, the ocean blue eyes that looked straight into mine unapologetically, and that frown on his face I had no idea I would become so fascinated with in time. It wasn't long after he said I was the biggest mistake of his life that things started to change. No, he still didn't talk much, but anyone can string a few words together. His actions spoke the loudest to me. And day after day my heart started to get a mind of its own. One second he was no one. The next he became everything. One second he was unattainable. The next he seemed to be completely mine. One second I thought we were in love. The next it was still nothing but a lie. After all, I was Rose and he was Jack. We were doomed from the very beginning with those names. Did you expect anything else?
Why we love it:
soft and bubbly female character
broody male character
fake marriage trope
slowburn + cutest romance with a lil’ bit of angst
development is A+++
Trigger warnings: n/a
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A Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin
Genres: Fantasy, High Fantasy, Adult
Synopsis:
Long ago, in a time forgotten, a preternatural event threw the seasons out of balance. In a land where summers can last decades and winters a lifetime, trouble is brewing. The cold is returning, and in the frozen wastes to the north of Winterfell, sinister and supernatural forces are massing beyond the kingdom’s protective Wall. At the center of the conflict lie the Starks of Winterfell, a family as harsh and unyielding as the land they were born to. Sweeping from a land of brutal cold to a distant summertime kingdom of epicurean plenty, here is a tale of lords and ladies, soldiers and sorcerers, assassins and bastards, who come together in a time of grim omens. Here an enigmatic band of warriors bear swords of no human metal; a tribe of fierce wildlings carry men off into madness; a cruel young dragon prince barters his sister to win back his throne; and a determined woman undertakes the most treacherous of journeys. Amid plots and counterplots, tragedy and betrayal, victory and terror, the fate of the Starks, their allies, and their enemies hangs perilously in the balance, as each endeavors to win that deadliest of conflicts: the game of thrones.
Why we love it:
high fantasy political drama 
well-written dialogue
if you’re already a fan of the TV show, the book gives you an even more detailed account of events with characters POVs while these key moments play out
amazing world building and backstory with so much thought and detail
GRRM has successfully achieved a whole new universe
full of backstabbing, bloody battles and political intrigue
multiple POVs
Trigger warnings: rape, sexual abuse of a minor, graphic violence, sexual violence, incest, misogyny
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