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awhst-alt · 3 years

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I HAD THE BEST BYLER DREAM LAST NIGHT AND I REALLY WANNA SHARE IT WITH YOU ALL

it's so long (literally 2k words) so im gonna put it under the cut haha <3

so basically this would take place after mike and will start dating or something, idk exactly the time frame (i picture them being like 18 or something and this is the summer before college) and will goes to this summer arts program for like 2/3 months (i dunno how long american summer is but something like that) and its all the way far from home so there is dorms and stuff and he's "not in hawkins anymore" (no pun intended)

mike and will decide after will finishes his school they'd go to college together (cuz they're gonna be comic book artists together bc thats boyfriend shit) so throughout these months he's practically just waiting for will (<333333)

so one specific scene i remember from my dream involved will and mike getting off the bus to the school and then they hug and then mike grabs wills hand and brings him behind the bus and then he gives will a biggg kiss bc he won't be able to kiss him for 3 months. then they say they love each other and will gives him another quick kiss and is like "two kisses". they agree they'd call each other every day.

so will goes inside and mike goes back on the bus and goes home.

and basically the whole day is a whirl, until the end of it, in which mike is sitting in the kitchen near the phone waiting for like 3 hours for will to call, and will doesn't end up calling.

AND THEN IT GETS SPICYYYYY

so meanwhile at the arts program will asks like the front desk or something if he can call mike and they say phone is offlimits and they don't let him call mike

so then will goes to sleep and he's paranoid that he thinks mike is gonna hate him or something like that

mk than the next day in class there is this girl (they didn't reveal her name in the dream, ill call her stella) so stella is basically looking at will the entire class but will doesn't know it

so when they exit the class stella's like "hi" and will says "hi"

then stella says "i like your painting."

will is like rlly weirded out so he goes "thanks?"

"i um- hope this doesn't sound weird but i have no friends, do you want to be mine?"

"sure"

and then end of scene (this does not sound like a normal conversation but it's my dream so it doesn't have to make sense"

so BACK AT HAWKINS mike is still sleeping even tho it's like 3 pm because yk depressed boyfriend shit but then the PHONE RINGS and mike gets out of bed frantically and goes to the phone and he picks it up and is like "will?" and then it answers "it's el, idiot"

i feel like this is important for context but el speaks english very well now and hoppers back and she lives with hopper and not the byers anymore. ANYWAYS

el says "how's will?"

mike says "idk he didn't call"

"he didn't?"

"no, he didn't"

"okay. well maybe he will call later"

"yeah mb"

"wanna come over"

"ok"

so mike hangs up and gets changed and goes to el's house bc they r a couple o' besties and when he gets there it's like a therapy sessions bc mike usally talks to will every single day and he can't for like 3 months (unless will calls, but he's not going to) so he accepts he's gonna be depressed for 3 months and he's just talking to el about how he's gonna miss him so much and no be able to see his face and that shit

so el's like "well do u wanna do something to take ur mind off of him"

and mike's like "no im not gonna replace will" (I SCREAMED IN MY DREAM SRSLY)

but than el says "okay. guess im gonna go to the mall by myself" (ig starcourt is rebuilt by now)

and than mike bolts up and is like "fine"

"we can by something for will"

"okay yay"

so then they go to starcourt yasss!!

anyways back at the art school will is having lunch and stella is with he friends (even tho she said she doesn't have any friends) and one of her friends is like "omg did you see _____ he's so hot"

and another friend says "YESS! but ____ is cuter"

"what abt u stella? who do u have ur eyes on"

she says "byers" BUT NOOOOOOO WILL IS MIKES MAN

and they say "ew that kid who came back to life"

she says "yea. but he's cute, and shy, and once i wrap them around my finger i can get them to do anything"

so then she goes to sit down next to will at lunch

"hi will"

"hi"

"hru"

"im good"

"okay. good." and she gets upset because will goes ask how she is but she keeps her urging rage inside. and than they have this weird conversation and will is uncomfortable the whole time bc shes all like flirting with him and will is seeing someone obvi

but then she puts a hand on will's shoulder and he's shaking and then says something (idk what it is it wasn't explaining in my dream) then will stands up and runs to the bathroom. so he's just sitting in the stalls crying.

okay back at starcourt this part wasn't shown in my dream but im just gonna make up that mike and el go looking around starcourt for something for will (sort of like the mike/lucas/will montage where they were looking for stuff for el) and then i guess they find something for will and i don't have the slightest idea what they could have got for him BUT THEY GOT HIM SOMETHING GOOD

so mike's all happy but they'res still that depression inside of him lol

so fast forward a week, it really isn't explained but ill just make up that will still hasn't called mike, and he's super sad and all sleeping in but decides to look through his good ol binder full of will's drawings and in the arts school will and stella have a few more interactions im sure which are still very uncomfortable

okay so it's lunch again in the cafeteria and somehow will and stella are talking again but somehow it ends in stella kissing will and will like pulls away immediatley and is like "what is wrong with you!?"

and she says "what?"

"i'm seeing someone!"

"oh i uh- i didn't know."

the whole cafeteria is staring at them

so will's freaking out almost on the verge of a panic attack "idk what to do, he's gonna hate me and-"

"he?"

will has the look on his face like shit shit shit oh fuck no

"you're gay?"

"i-"

and will runs off once again. and everyone in the whole cafeteria knows that he's day and ofc with everybody being homophobic will knows it's not good at all bc everyone's gonna bully him

so then the next day he goes to class and the teacher is like "does anyone care to tell me where ___ is?" (it would be like a math question like 'where x is' but in art idkkk) and then the teacher calls on "will? can you tell me where ___ is?" and they'res a pause and then the teacher says "or perhaps you'd want to find your boyfriend instead?" (giving me anne with an e vibes prolly cuz i did a rewatch last weekend but i won't explain more in case some people haven't watched it but) anyways will stands up from his seat, everyone is looking at him, and he's shaking and so concerned but then he goes "fuck. you" badass will yeaaaa thats my boy

so then he runs out of the classroom and out of the school in a really cool montage way but then he realizes he's like 2 hours away from home but he runs and runs and he goes to a random bustop (it's not even garanteed if it takes him to hawkins but whatever) he gets on and tries to go back to hawkins.

and soon enough, he gets there, and immediatley goes to the wheelers because he needs to see mike and apologize for everything. so he's at the wheelers, and rings the doorbell, realizing he's still in his uniform lol but karen answers and mike is upstairs in his room sulking (i picture it would be 8 pm by now) so will asks for mike and karen calls mike. mike groans obviously because he doesn't know it's his boy, but he comes down, karen gets out of the way and as soon as he sees will they have a really big hug and it's super sweet and my heart UFHEIOSKA

mike says his usual "are you okay?" and mike is still confused as shit but will says "i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" and mike says "you don't have to be sorry for anyrhing" but will says "ill explain"

so then they go to will's room, side-by-side on his bed and will starts explaining everything

(this is mostly improvised by me but it's still pretty similar to the dream)

"i hated it."

"the school?"

"yeah. there was no you, (mike blushes lmao), everything was terrible, i felt so lonely, they didn't let me call you-"

"what?"

"they said the phone was off limits. i wanted to talk to you so bad and i thought you'd hate me"

"i could never hate you, will, even if i tried." will smiles

"and then there was this girl, and she hit on me and i didn't know what to do bc i'd be the face of the school if i told her i was dating you and was gay and today she kissed me"

"WHAT"

"im sorry im sorry i didn't kiss back and i was so scared bc i never was in a relationship before and i was so scared it was considered cheating-"

and mike LAUGHSS

"what? mike? what's wrong?"

"if you don't do anything back, it's not considerd 'cheating'"

"oh. good. are you mad at me?"

"what? no! no never!" so mike opens his arms and says "come here" so will and mike hug or something like that and then mike says "do you need me to beat her up?"

and will says "you can't even beat eggs. besides, your noodle arms wouldn't be able to do harm to even a fly"

so mike laughs and says "i'm glad your home"

so will blurts "i cursed out a teacher"

"you? cursing?"

"yes."

"might have to start calling you a bad boy now"

will just smiles and says "i love you"

and mike says "i love you too"

AND THEN END AND IM SO PROUD OF MYSELF BC I LOVE THIS DREAM LIKE I CAN'T BELIEVE MY BRAIN THOUGHT OF THIS BUT IM OBSESSED

ALSO ONCE I FINISH WYBMFFAE ILL PROBABLY WRITE THIS INTO A FULL BLOWN FIC BUT AHIHFUSAH

edit: i have no idea what mike did with the present him and el bought for will but i guess they ended up giving it to him lol

#byler

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haikyuu-scenarios-drabbles · 6 years

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anonymous asked: i love your soulmate aus!! they're the best i've ever read! you put in every detail in ur writings & i love it so much! i feel that i can improve my english when im reading ur writings? does this make sense? can i have a soulmate au for tsukishima kei? it can be anything! i'm willing to wait'

well let me just say this ask absolutely warmed my freaking heart. I am so so happy that you feeling like you can improve your english with my writings 😁 thank you for waiting!!

Here is a soulmate!au where you share pain with your soulmate, hope you enjoy 💖

You vaguely remembered the feelings against your hands and forearms when you were younger, but it was much softer back then and far less noticeable. You didn’t think much of them until they ramped up in intensity during high school and you became fixated on figuring out just exactly what your soulmate was up to that was inflicting such strange injuries. You could never quite figure it out until you happened to watch one of your high school’s volleyball matches and connected the way you were feeling with what your eyes could see. It started to make sense; every receive, spike, and block—you felt.

Though it was almost impossible to match up the feelings with what any of the players were doing. It took a while before you were completely convinced that none of the players on your high school’s team were your soulmate. And while attending games painfully reminded you constantly that your soulmate was somewhere else, you wanted to learn about the game for their sake. I mean—you had been smart enough to at least figure out some aspect about them, might as well use that information to learn about something they seemingly enjoyed. Other than the volleyball related injuries, they didn’t inflict much else on you.

You’d also been able to discern that whoever they were was a middle blocker. It became apparent to you when you noticed the players in that position getting their fingers jammed, as you often dealt with, as a result of some nasty spikes. You watched the players at your school tape up their fingers and soon started doing the same to alleviate the pain; garnering weird looks when you passed any of the volleyball club members in the hallway.

It was really just a nuisance at this point, something you had learned to live with—honestly, you’d be worried if the feelings suddenly disappeared. On several occasions, there were exceptionally painful jams that had you biting back a yelp of pain and cursing whoever the universe had tethered to you for playing this near finger-breaking game.

The injuries were almost exclusively reserved for after school, seldom beforehand, and normally the worst times were during tournaments. If the frequency of injuries suddenly skyrocketed, you figured it was a pretty safe bet that whoever was at a tournament. If you could, you usually tried to keep your own injuries to a minimum so they could play to their best ability. It was the least you could do to give them a break from the endless minor wounds you received from your own clumsiness.

Tsukki, on the other hand, while what he inflicted on you was concentrated around volleyball; had to deal with your small scrapes and burns constantly. “I swear, they’re the clumsiest person on the planet,” he muttered to Yamaguchi upon wincing at yet another scrape on his knee from your doing. His kneepads always rubbed the wounds uncomfortably and he’d forgotten to bring his usual supply of band-aids he carried with him for this particular reason.

“They’re probably not a big fan of your volleyball playing either,” Yamaguchi nodded to his currently taped fingers.

He scoffed. “Well at least I don’t have two left feet.”

Something he had noticed, however, was since high school; the number of scrapes on his palms substantially declined. As if whoever you were had picked up on the fact he needed his hands and were trying to be helpful in that regard. He also noticed he rarely got a new injury during games. Like you purposefully stayed as still as possible for his sake, as if to not inflict anything fresh while he was in the process of hurting you. He couldn’t be sure; but that seemed too coincidental to be an accident. He had the feeling you were observant of his own injuries, ones that occurred at similar times after school or during tournaments and were mindful of them.

He hated to admit that he appreciated that.

Since you started University, you hadn’t been able to attend enough matches yet to determine if any of the volleyball players were possibly your soulmate. You did have the brief thought to get more involved with the team to make it easier, but strangely the terrifying idea that your soulmate was on the team, scared you away. It had almost taken you a year and a half in high school to determine they weren’t on that team, but now that you had the possibilities narrowed down to middle blockers, you figured it wouldn’t take you as long to get a definite answer or not.

Yet, strangely, for all your thinking and observing over the years—you never thought to look at the team that your University was playing. Because why would you?

You were no stranger to the chanting and cheering of the crowd accompanied by the intermittent sound of a volleyball being hit and spiked. The constant sensation of your palms stinging and arms feeling like they were going to be torn off pushed to the back of your thoughts as you focused on the players you had already determined as the middle blockers in the last game you went to when you abruptly cried out in pain.

Blinding, excruciating agony shot through your middle and ring finger. You clutched your hand hissing, “Fuck!”

Sitting beside you, your roommate, who didn’t know the reason why you were obsessed with volleyball, glanced over in confusion. “What’s wrong?” You tried shooing them away, but tears were pricking at your eyes as your fingers throbbed. “What happened?” They prompted again. You couldn’t collect your thoughts; your mind was reeling—the ball had been on your school’s side of the court. It had been your school attacking, which meant the only possible culprit for your currently aching fingers was someone on the opposing team.

“Hey look,” your roommate said. “Some kid on the other team is hurt.”

Your head whipped upwards, almost smacking your friend in the chin with it. Down on the court, the towering blonde of a middle blocker with glasses on the opposing team was standing on the sideline cradling his hand. The same one you were. You thought you might topple out of your chair in shock; you hadn’t by any means had any intention of actually finding your soulmate today.

But—fuck, as much as your head was swimming with this new information; the main thing on your mind was the unbearable pain coursing through your hand. How could he stand to inflict this kind of hurt willingly on himself? And for that matter, knowingly inflict it on his soulmate too!

“Your hand!” Your friend gasped, dragging you back to the reality that your soulmate was right in front of you. They tenderly took your hand into yours to inspect it. “What did you—” their gaze followed yours that was currently fixated on the blonde middle blocker and they put the pieces together. “Holy shit.” You yelped when they gripped your hand a little too hard in excitement. “This is why you wanted to come to all the volleyball games?”

“I—ugh,” you huffed. “Yeah. I figured out a while ago that they played. But jesus,” you sucked in a breath to try and deal with the pain. “This is one of the worst jams they’ve ever gotten.”

Your eyes trailed him exiting the gym, presumably to first aid who would take a closer look at his fingers and probably tape them up properly. There was a part of you that hoped he’d be benched for the rest of the match so you, and he, wouldn’t get hurt any further. You vaguely wondered if you should follow suit since you now had the same injury, but balked at the idea of meeting him that way.

“So…you’re going to introduce yourself, right? I mean, you know exactly who he is now. And when are you going to get another chance?”

Your heart seized up with anxiety. “Um, how would I even do that?” You turned to your friend. “’Hi how are your fingers? Oh yeah, mine too, thanks by the way!’”

They just narrowed their eyes at you and stuck out their tongue. “Oh, come on. You can’t just let him slip through your fingers!”

You held up your handed with the jammed fingers bent in an unnatural direction. “I don’t think I could catch him if I tried,” you joked, a smirk gracing your lips.

“That was terrible.”

Now it was your turn to stick your tongue out.

The middle blocker didn’t come back until the end of the final set and wasn’t put back in; much to you, and your fingers, relief. When the match ended, your friend hauled you up from your seat and dragged you towards the exit by your uninjured hand. Stumbling behind them, you tried to protest, “I have no idea what to even say! I’ll figure out another way, please let go!”

“Nope. No running away.”

“Oh my god, you soulmate freak, for the love of—” your foot slipped on the stairs and before you knew it, the world was tumbling around you and without thinking you threw your hands out in front of you to catch yourself. You’d tried to train that tendency out of you, to limit the number of scrapes you inflicted on his palms, but your instincts took over without letting your brain catch up. Pain almost worse than the initial injury shot up your arm and this time you couldn’t hold back the yell that lifted from your throat. One that was met by a similar one from down the hall.

Tsukki didn’t expect to hear a match to his cry of pain when his fingers felt like they were getting re-jammed. He jerked up in surprise to survey the crowd in the hallway, his attention grabbed by someone’s head popping up near the staircase and looking around in confusion.

Your eyes meet and immediately he knows that you also know, if your expression is anything to go by. He doesn’t move, letting the flow of the crowd break around him, wondering if you’re going to approach him.

You don’t. You’re frozen in fear. He clearly knows who—or rather, what the two of you are and is allowing you to make the first move. Even though you’ve thought about what you would say for years now, your throat feels tight and you know any attempt at words would be futile. It doesn’t get any better when he starts to move towards you.

He towers above you, even if this wasn’t the situation, he would be intimidating. The first words out of his mouth are, “So you’re the klutz I’m always patching up my knees for.”

You’re taken aback by his provoking tone at first, but then retort, “Oh, please, Mr. I jam my fingers every other fucking day.” Then you shake your hand in his direction. “Thanks for this!”

He chuckles, and you’re unable to tell if its in a mocking way or a harmlessly amused one. “Shouldn’t you probably go to first aid? They patched me up quite nicely.” He holds up his bandaged hand.

While Tsukishima Kei was exuding the pinnacle of aloofness to you, he couldn’t help the nerves roiling beneath the surface. While he’d become quite aware of his confrontational behavior in high school and mainly limited it to Kageyama and Hinata; when he was feeling out of his element it was easy to resort to it. Though he was fascinated that you didn’t seem to be fazed.

“A genius suggestion,” you snorted, waving your injured hand haphazardly. “Except for the fact I don’t know where it is.”

“Do I need to spell it out for you?”

You blinked.

Tsukki withheld his groan. You weren’t making this easy. “Would you like me to take you?”

You just stared.

“Oh, um, sure—thank you…?” You prompted.

He inclined his head towards the direction of first aid. “It’s Tsukishima Kei.” He then looked at you expectantly for your name.

You gave it to him.

#tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukki x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu scenarios #tsukishima kei scenario #tsukki scenario #haikyuu #soulmate!au #tsukki soulmate!au

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albapuella · 4 years

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How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter Three)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday. Didn’t bother with the formatting this time: You want the fancy formatting, go to AO3 :D

Day 3:

Since Karkat had not managed to scare Dave off with the... outburst yesterday, he figured he’d hooked the idiot as well as he was ever going to. Which meant it was time to start fucking it up. He did his best to ignore the sense of loss already forming in his chest at the thought. Whatever frustrations he’d felt during that hang out/date thing Dave had put him through yesterday, he couldn’t deny that he’d enjoyed the experience, too.

Dave was a dork who talked too much, but he was also witty and charming in a maladroit sort of way. And it had been nice to have someone appreciate Karkat’s sense of humor in return. For once. A part of him wished he had longer to enjoy their time together, but he knew better.

Since he knew better, he also knew it wasn’t the time to mope. It was time to go on the full offensive. “Offensive” being the operative word. In this case, it meant acting like himself. Karkat had been on his best behavior up to this point, and now he’d show Dave who the “real him” really was. If he played his cards right, he probably wouldn’t even have to go on another date to seal the deal.

Karkat felt his eyes ache, and he hated himself for being such an idiot. He’d known this wasn’t going to last—even without his article, it never would have lasted. He’d already proven a countless number of times that, while a fairly good friend, he was simply terrible as a romantic partner. Dave was just one more guy he’d never really had a chance with. Just one more tally mark to add to his failures.

---

When Dave woke up the next day, he saw that he had quite a few messages waiting for him. A handful from Rose about wedding plans (with a reminder of the dress code, because of course her wedding would have a fully defined dress code). A bunch from his far-flung friend Jade (mostly telling a story which did not require more than a quick “cool” on his part). A couple from John (who was excited that he’d be seeing Dave at the wedding). There were also several from Karkat. Which was kind of a relief: Dave hadn’t liked that he’d been the first one to message him all the time: it made him feel like he was bugging the guy. Especially after waking him up yesterday.

CG: OKAY ASSHOLE, HERE’S THE DEAL:

CG: YOU WANT TO DATE THE REAL ME. FINE.

CG: I AM DONE BEING ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR.

CG: BE PREPARED FOR ME TO COMMENT ON EVERY INANITY THAT DRIBBLES FROM YOUR MOUTH LIKE THE LEAVINGS OF AN INCONTINENT PIGEON.

CG: YOU ARE NOT HALF AS FUNNY AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. ALSO YOUR “RAPS” ARE AN AFFRONT TO THE GENRE AS WELL AS TO THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

CG: IF YOU THINK I AM JOKING OR BEING “CUTE”, YOU ARE WRONG. A STATE YOU SHOULD BE EXTREMELY FAMILIAR WITH BECAUSE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM AT LEAST MODERATE BRAIN DAMAGE.

CG: I AM NOT NOR HAVE I EVER BEEN “A SNACK”. I ALSO DO NOT HAVE A “SEXY PROFESSOR THING GOING”. IN THE ENTIRE SPAN OF MY MISERABLE EXISTENCE, I HAVE NEVER BEEN ANYTHING WHICH COULD BE CONSIDERED TO BE IN EVEN THE MEAGEREST OF WAYS “SEXY”.

CG: MAYBE YOU WOULD BE ABLE TO SEE THAT FOR YOURSELF IF YOU EVER TOOK OFF THOSE DOUCHE SHADES YOU ARE ALWAYS WEARING.

CG: I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS SMALL TASTE OF WHAT IS TO COME IN YOUR FUTURE SHOULD YOU DECIDE TO KEEP DATING ME.

Dave read the messages a few times, frowning. Mostly, he felt confused, too confused to feel either amused or insulted. Sudden. This was sudden. Also, the more he read the messages, the more he thought Karkat was being more mean to himself than to Dave. His inner Rose (the voice which sounded like Rose but was not nearly as smart as the real thing) said that Karkat was lashing out, hoping to hurt Dave before Dave could hurt him.

And wasn’t that sad?

TG: first of all

TG: you are a total snack

TG: this is not negotiable

TG: do not pass go do not collect 200 dollars

TG: not to be all objectifying or whatever

TG: but that was literally the first thing i thought when i saw you

TG: that guy is a total snack

TG: and fuck you you are sexy

TG: i bet you look even better without the sweater

TG: you are the bank and im the debtor

TG: payin compliments is my cheddar

TG: need proof read the letter

TG: dear mr vantas you are hella sexy signed me

CG: OH MY GOD.

CG: THAT WAS THE PART YOU CHOSE TO FOCUS ON. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND YOU AT ALL. MOST PEOPLE DON’T LIKE BEING INSULTED. IS THIS A KINK FOR YOU? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS? ARE YOU A FUCKING MASOCHIST?

Dave was grinning so much his cheeks hurt. Nailed it.

TG: im not a masochist

TG: but i think i might be getting a thing for grumpy assholes

TG: it needs more testing

TG: how about we hang out for a few hours today

TG: and see

“CG is typing” appeared and disappeared several times.

CG: REALLY. YOU REALLY WANT TO KEEP DATING ME.

TG: yea unless you dont want to keep dating me

TG: i hope you do

TG: want to keep dating me

TG: i want to know you better

TG: and kiss you sometime

This time the “CG is typing” message went on for quite a while. Dave wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have sent that last message. Then again, he’d already called the guy sexy several times; saying he wanted to kiss him wasn’t weird.

CG: IF YOU’RE SURE YOU WANT TO KEEP DOING THIS, THEN FINE. OKAY. I THINK I WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER TOO. JUST REMEMBER I GAVE YOU AMPLE WARNING OF WHAT THE REAL ME IS LIKE. WHEN I INEVITABLY END UP HURTING YOUR FEELINGS, YOU WILL HAVE NO ONE TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF.

TG: score

---

After, unwisely, agreeing to meet Dave at the park again before going to some secret secondary date destination he had in mind, Karkat slipped his phone into his pocket in a daze. He was still reeling. Where had he misjudged this situation? He’d been certain he’d done enough to scare Dave away, and yet, here he was with another date to prepare for. Masochism or brain damage—those were the only options. Considering how much Dave had insisted on Karkat’s attractiveness, he was leaning towards the latter.

Of course, the words alone were only half of the total package. Even Dave would find difficulty deriving whatever enjoyment he got out of Karkat’s insults when they were being delivered at an ear-ringing volume. Karkat heaved a deep sigh. All he had to do was be himself on this date. That had always been enough for every other person he’d dated to leave him. Dave would be no different: he was just dumber, so it was taking him longer to get with the program.

* Thinks I’m “sexy”. Definite brain damage. Probable masochist. Raps have not increased in quality but I’m starting to get used to them.

---

The problem was Dave knew what he liked to do, what he found fun, but he didn’t know Karkat well enough yet to have much of an idea of what Karkat liked to do. Usually, Dave would have just asked, but seeing as Karkat had just been prepared to be dumped, he didn’t think the question would go over well.

When Dave approached the YO this time, Karkat was already sitting on the bench. His head was bowed over his notepad, and he was furiously writing. Although tempted to look over his shoulder and see what he was doing, Dave decided not to. If it turned out to be something deeply personal, he’d feel like a creep.

Whatever it was held Karkat’s full attention. Dave could be very stealthy, but he wasn’t even trying to be quiet as he got closer. Finally, he was standing right beside where Karkat was sitting. Still nothing. Remembering the reaction he’d gotten the other day, he flopped down close to Karkat, making the other man jump. “Hey.”

Karkat brought his notepad up to his chest, hiding it, and glared. Despite his clear irritation and the roominess of the bench, he didn’t move away. “What the fuck, Dave? Are you incapable of conducting yourself like a normal person? Or am I just special?”

Dave grinned. Looked like Karkat had meant what he’d said about acting more like himself. “I don’t know, you are pretty special. Not in the Special Olympics way,” he hastened to add as he realized his compliment might not come across complimentary. “I mean, nothing against them, they’re great,” he continued, now realizing the actual insult he was now offering them and not wanting to be that guy, “but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

A sort of disbelieving half-smile. “Should I stop you now, or let you keep going?”

“Oh, definitely stop me,” Dave said, relieved. He gestured to the notepad Karkat was no longer holding so tightly against himself. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing important,” Karkat said brusquely, shoving the notepad into his bag as though it had personally offended him. “Something for my work.”

It occurred to Dave that he actually had no idea what Karkat did for a living. “What do you do?”

For a moment, Karkat only regarded him with deep suspicion. Then he sighed. “I write for Dubiously Cultured.” Apparently, Dave’s confusion showed on his face, for he elaborated, “It’s basically a gay Cosmo.” Then he frowned. “You know, a magazine with fashion tips? Make-up? Relationship advice?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Dave said quickly. The last thing he wanted was for his eyes to glaze over on his date like they did when Rose started talking about her magazine (whose title he could not recall at this moment if he’d been being held at gunpoint). “Are you writing an article? Laying down the keep your man tips for the masses?”

Even Karkat seemed surprised by the laughter abruptly bursting from him. “Something like that,” he said once he’d recovered. “You work as a DJ at the Glass, right?”

Honestly, Dave was shocked. He’d been sure Karkat had been just tuning him out! Then again, he had remembered he was from Texas, too. Maybe he just always looked bored and pissed off. “Yeah. It’s not super steady, but it pays the bills.” It actually didn’t pay the bills; Rose’s mom (his mom, she was also his mom) sent him money every month to pay for the apartment and various other expenses. However, his sad family history wasn’t exactly third date material. “You ever been?”

Karkat leveled Dave with a skeptical look which seemed to indicate his estimation of Dave’s intelligence had started low and was only getting lower. “Do I look like the kind of person that would get past a bouncer? Are you actually visually impaired, or are you making fun of me?” He shook his head. “I can see myself in the mirror, jackass; I know what I look like. Stop pretending I’m,” he held up his hands to make the finger quotes, ‘hot’.”

“I’m insulted you would think I’d lie about your hotness. You’re a fucking rooftop in the middle of a Texas summer. I should know; I’ve been there.” The metaphor stirred up memories Dave didn’t want to think about, and he wrapped an arm around Karkat’s shoulder. He immediately wished he’d done it sooner. “Anyway, I’ve already told you, you are a snack. You might as well accept it. It’s obvious. Everyone with eyes can see it. Not you, for some reason, but everyone else.”

“That’s just not true, Dave.” Before he could contest this, Karkat continued, “Most blind people still have eyes, idiot, and they can’t see anything, let alone support your dubious assertion that I’m attractive.” The words practically dripped with sarcasm even as he settled into Dave’s half-embrace. “You’re being so fucking insensitive right now.”

“Oh, shit, you’re right.” The part of Dave not worrying about the words flowing out of his mouth registered how nice and warm Karkat felt under his arm and pressed against his side. “Well, if they got to feel you up, they’d agree you were a snack, too. So, checkmate, Karkat. Check fucking mate. You’re just going to have to accept it. Majority vote. You’re a snack.”

Karkat looked up. “If you tell me you want to eat me, I’m leaving now and blocking your chumhandle.” Then his gaze shifted away. “This is nice,” he said, his voice softer than Dave had thought he was capable of. Maybe it was Dave’s burgeoning hearing loss, but he sounded… sad.

While Dave wanted to ask why he sounded so sad, he figured Karkat would tell him if he wanted him to know. After all, they still hadn’t known each other for very long yet. What was needed was a distraction, and Dave had just the thing to cheer both of them up. “If you think this is nice, you should be super excited for our date.”

---

Karkat had been feeling guilty again. It really had been nice, sitting on that bench in front of that giant art installation, to pretend that there was actually some sort of future for them. For him and Dave. Together. So, he’d been feeling guilty—even if he was an idiot who talked too much, Dave wasn’t a bad guy, and he didn’t deserve what Karkat planned on putting him through.

At least, that’s what Karkat had been thinking until they’d arrived at their final destination.

“A karaoke bar?” Karkat felt a scowl furrow his brow, and he turned it onto Dave, who had the audacity to be grinning at him. “It might interest you to know that I can’t fucking sing.”

Dave shrugged. “No one can at these places, Karkat. That’s why it’s fun.” He pushed his glasses down his nose, allowing Karkat the briefest glimpse of his eyes before he pushed them up again. “You’ve had fun before right? Or do we have to go slow and ease you into it, because fun is a hotel pool with a broken heater, and you haven’t raided the mini-bar yet.”

“Of course I know what fun is, you festering anal wart.” He saw himself ranting reflected in the lenses of Dave’s stupid glasses and looked away. “Fun is a walk in the park, or watching a movie, or going on a picnic, or playing a game. Fun is not embarrassing yourself in front of dozens of strangers by subjecting them to what can only laughingly be called your singing voice!” He started at the unexpected hand on his shoulder but made no move to shrug it off.

“Hey,” Dave said quietly, “if you really don’t want to be here, we can do something else. I don’t really know what you like yet outside of chick flicks. And writing for a magazine. And coming up with creative insults for me.” His grip on Karkat’s shoulder tightened slightly. “Help me out here, Karkat; I’m drowning with only seconds left to live. You’re the hot lifeguard, and I’m gonna need your sweet lips on mine fairly soon, or else I’m leaving the beach in a body bag. And no one wants that.”

Karkat turned back to face Dave. There were so many things to unpack in this latest offering of word vomit that he wasn’t even going to make the attempt. “Do you ever actually listen to the things you say?”

“I try not to,” Dave said blithely. “Messes with my flow.” Then the smile faded. “I mean it, though. If you want to go somewhere else, we totally can. I don’t have my heart set on this place; I just thought it’d be fun. Maybe you’d loosen up a little.”

“I am exactly as loose as I want to be,” Karkat sniped back, tacitly admitting that now he was the one saying stupid things. As much as he wanted to make things difficult for Dave for the sake of his article, he really couldn’t deny being touched that Dave was willing to change his plans because Karkat had complained about them.

Besides, while Karkat could be (and often was) loudly unpleasant and vulgar, it wasn’t the kind of thing he could force. He had to feel it. And he wasn’t feeling it. “No, we can stay. Just are there private rooms?”

Dave was frowning, perhaps in displeasure, perhaps in thought. “We can check.”

---

It turned out that there were private rooms, but they were prohibitively expensive. If this had been something Karkat had really wanted to do, Dave would have shelled out the cash, but he’d known he’d made the right call to spend the date elsewhere when he’d given Karkat the verdict and his shoulders had immediately relaxed.

Although Karkat had also protested that he wasn’t much better at bowling than he was at singing, he’d seemed less agitated about the prospect. He’d actually smiled a little when Dave had confided that he, too, wasn’t much of a bowler. Dave also wasn’t much of a drinker, but when Karkat offered to buy him a beer, he’d accepted it.

Dave was currently sipping his apple? flavored ale from the chair in their section of the alley and watching Karkat lob yet another ball down the gutter. This made, what? the tenth in a row? Dave had managed via blind luck to hit a strike with his first shot—a feat he had not been able to repeat—and that had pissed Karkat off like nothing else. Each additional failure to even get his ball any closer to hitting any of the pins only made Karkat’s face redder.

The only question was when he was going to pop.

“FUCK!” Karkat stomped back to the ball return. “FUCK ME, FUCK BOWLING, AND FUCK YOU, DAVE. YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN ME? NEWSFLASH, FUCK FACE, YOU ARE JUST AS OBJECTIVELY TERRIBLE AT THIS AS I AM—AT LEAST *I* HAVE THE FUCKING DECENCY TO BE ASHAMED OF MYSELF!”

Dave made absolutely no attempt to hold back his laughter.

“Hey, do you mind watching your language?” An older man in the next lane was giving Karkat quite an impressive glare. “There are kids present.”

Karkat’s face went purple.

---

“Well, Karkat,” Dave said as they walked down the street to no stated destination, his tone infuriatingly casual, “I can honestly say I’ve never been kicked out of a bowling alley before. I can scratch that off the old bucket list. It wasn’t on there because I hadn’t thought of it, but now I see I was blind to the possibilities. Thanks for opening my third eye or some shit like that.”

Karkat had let Dave put his stupid arm around his shoulders about a block back, and he hated the fact it felt so comforting. Bad enough he’d made an ass out of himself over nothing in public (again!), but it hadn’t even worked. He’d wanted to piss Dave off by showcasing his abhorrent personality, and he’d failed miserably. It wasn’t even his fault he’d failed either. For some inscrutible fucking reason, the idiot found temper tantrums hilarious to watch rather than embarrassing to be associated with. “Fuck you, Dave,” he said quietly, his energy quite spent.

Dave chuckled. Case in fucking point. “Aw come on, don’t be like that. It’s not like we’re banned from the place.” He paused. “I’m probably not going to get you to go there again anyway, am I?”

“I am never stepping foot back into that establishment, no.”

“Are you still pissed at me for that strike?” Dave’s voice sounded disbelieving. Maybe a little hurt. “I told you, man, it was a fluke. I wasn’t trying to hustle you. If I’d wanted to hustle you, there’d be money involved. That’s how that shit works. It’s like the definition of a hustle.”

Karkat sighed. “No, I’m not mad about that.” He hadn’t really been that mad about it in the bowling alley either. He’d just been frustrated. Loudly. Which was how he usually expressed his frustration. In the moment, it made him feel better… afterwards, he just felt tired. “I’m just really fucking embarrassed, okay? I know embarrassment is probably a foreign concept for you, but—”

Then he was being hugged. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed into it. He knew he shouldn’t be accepting Dave’s comfort, that this was only going to make things harder in the long run, but he couldn’t help himself. He really was such a selfish asshole. His head fell naturally against Dave’s shoulder, and he felt a distressingly familiar ache in his eyes. “Why are you hugging me?”

A soft guff of laughter blew past his ear. “Dude, you looked like you needed a hug. I’m not a hug expert or anything, but sometimes you look at a guy and think, that guy, he needs a hug.” The arms around him held him just a little tighter. “I hope you leave me a good review on yelp.”

Karkat choked on his unexpected laughter. “Dave. You are so fucking ridiculous.” As much as a part of him wanted to remain in his arms, he knew if he stayed any longer, he really would start crying. “Let go of me, asshole.”

Dave did so with only a moment’s hesitation. He put his hands on his hips. “So, what do you think?”

“About what?” Karkat successfully resisted the urge to wipe his eyes. With any luck, Dave wouldn’t notice how tear bright they probably were. Why was he getting so emotional anyway? None of this would matter soon enough.

“My review,” Dave said as though Karkat should have any idea what he was talking about. “Five out of five stars, right? Don’t crash my yelp score, dude—I have a reputation to maintain as hug master supreme; it’s all I have.”

And Karkat was laughing again. It really felt good.

---

* Gives nice hugs. Doesn’t respect personal space. Karaoke bar? Shitty bowler. Why isn’t this working?

---

{{ The third step is the ego. For Dr. Freud (famous psychology hack), the ego was a moderator. For our purposes, we return to the original Latin: I. Make it all about you and your comfort. If you have had enough of your short-term partner’s incessant prattle, say so. When you want to scream, do it at the top of your lungs. Use whatever language feels best to you at all times regardless of the situation. Make your short-term partner embarrassed to be associated with you. If you can get you and your short-term partner kicked out of an establishment due to your behavior, so much the better. However, if you find that such antics only serve to amuse your short-term partner, cease them immediately. The point of this exercise is to humiliate your short-term partner, not further endear you to them. Also, in the event that you are more embarrassed by your conduct than your short-term partner is, under no circumstances allow them to comfort you. It will only distract you from your objective. }}

#Homestuck #humanstuck #davekat #fan fic #my fic #wip

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thelifetimechannel · 6 years

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This week’s bonus content brings us Jake and John discussing the likelihood of a robot apocalypse:

JAKE: Hey there pal! JAKE: So youre jades... brother? JOHN: that's right! JOHN: compared to how confusing everyone else's family trees are, we are very straight forward. JOHN: even if we did not know we were related at first... JOHN: i wasn't sure how YOU were related to her, back when you were pen pals. JOHN: do you remember sending me that letter? JAKE: By jove i almost forgot about that. It feels like ages ago. JOHN: i don't know how long it was for you, but i got it three years ago. JAKE: I mean from my point of view it was only a couple of months but a lots gone on. JOHN: it arrived on my birthday so it was right on time. JOHN: it came in handy in a tight spot. JOHN: you were right in your letter, i DO love movies. JOHN: even if i am not into wrestling that much. JAKE: Oh well ive had my fill of fisticuffs for awhile anyway. Movies on the other hand i havent had much time to dig into! JAKE: By the way did you like your present?? And little terry kiser? JOHN: um... JOHN: well, i named her liv tyler, actually. i didn't know you already named her, or him. JOHN: anyway, she saved my butt in a big way! JOHN: and then she flew off on a ship heroically, but ran off again i guess? JOHN: and then she somehow joined dave and rose on their even more heroic mission to blow up a sun. JOHN: which they failed to do mostly because they actually MADE the sun, but the important thing is that they tried. JOHN: they came back, but i think the bunny didn't make it. :( JAKE: I live by the philosophy that when a stuffed toy changes hands its appropriate to change its name. It gives things a history like that. JAKE: At least she died doing something i presume she enjoyed. JOHN: blowing up? JAKE: No!! Being a hero and dicing up bad guys! JOHN: was the robot sentient? JOHN: maybe we should have treated it with more respect, so it would not turn evil and destroy us like a watership down version of skynet. JAKE: I mean dirk helped me a little in making it and all of his projects seem to enjoy that kind of mayhem. JAKE: Not as much as his own version of the rabbit but i think in giving me advice at least a couple of his engine greased fingerprints are on it. JOHN: man, everyone is some sort of robotics genius around here. JOHN: if we hadn't already had an apocalypse ushered in by rogue technology i would be worried. JAKE: I briefly suspected hal but no worries. JAKE: I think if he were going to attempt a robopocalypse he wouldve done it a long time ago when he was bored and had less to do. JOHN: he and terezi would get along. they both seem to enjoy wreaking mayhem for fun, although she says she's sorry now. JAKE: They might try but dirk would go spare. JAKE: And I think hes tossed out all his spares for today already. JOHN: everyone has learned their lesson about devious deeds! JOHN: i'm confident that will not happen in the future. JOHN: instead we can relax and do things like watch that movie you were recommending. JAKE: Oh yeah!! JAKE: Which one did i recommend again? I think it was weekend at bernies. JOHN: the one about the corpse getting moved around to trick people? JAKE: Oh yes! Two gentlemen discover that their boss has died shortly before throwing a party and try to convince people hes still alive by puppeting his body around! Its really quite hilarious! JOHN: it sounds good. JOHN: although apparently i'm already locked in to watching a few others. JOHN: including dave's? JOHN: i can't believe he became a big deal movie star in your world, that's hilarious. JAKE: He did. Ive got one of his characters tattooed on my arm! JOHN: um JOHN: you do? JOHN: wow. JOHN: have you told him that? JAKE: Not yet. Should i? JOHN: you might actually make him speechless, which would be a first. JOHN: definitely try it. JOHN: wait, which one is it anyway? JOHN: also, how did you get a tattoo? JOHN: i thought you grew up alone or something, like jade did. JAKE: Ive got sweet bro. Dirk gave it to me after we met up! JAKE: Hes got hella jeff. We match! JAKE: Let me tell you it was a harrowing thing getting it! Id heard getting a tattoo really hurts but you know what i just closed my eyes and before i knew it it was over just like that. JOHN: ... JOHN: huh. JOHN: well, that sounds exciting. i'm sure he'll be thrilled. JOHN: none of us have ever shown that level of devotion. JOHN: mostly we just repeat his shitty memes. JAKE: Dirk takes memes to a whole new level pal. JOHN: i haven't really had a chance to meet him before this. JOHN: i've been missing out on so many reunions today, maybe because i keep bouncing around taking people places. JOHN: out of you guys i've mostly talked to jane and roxy. JOHN: and i only talked to jane once! JOHN: i'm already behind. JAKE: Oh im sure youll get along great! Hes a cool dude and super smart. A little odd but he genuinely means well. JOHN: i'm looking forward to meeting everyone! JOHN: wait, i did meet him once, that's right. JOHN: back in the bad timeline, i saw him floating in space and asked him what happened, because i'd just come back from fighting calliope's brother. JOHN: but all he said was 'i failed' and then he... turned into glitter? JOHN: there were lots of glitches floating around, it was a hazard. JOHN: hopefully we can overcome that first impression. JAKE: ...yeah that sounds like dirk. JAKE: He can be pretty dramatic. JOHN: rose and dave are super dramatic too, he'll fit right in. JOHN: with all of us together it's going to be all drama all the time. JOHN: it will be up to us normal people to keep things under control. JAKE: He grew up all alone so sometimes i think he only knows how to act from movies too but who knows. Maybe it runs in families. JAKE: Family. Weird. JAKE: Hey that means were family too arent we? JOHN: i guess so! JOHN: you're my... JOHN: hm. JOHN: relative. JAKE: Relative. I guess. JAKE: I cant exactly go calling you great uncle john even if i still call jade "grandma". JAKE: Has a ring to it though! Great uncle john! Its all folksy like poppop crocker. JOHN: that's right, i was jane's grandpa in your universe, i guess. JOHN: which is also weird to think about. JOHN: and i was sort of everyone's dad, by mixing our slimes. JOHN: so it keeps getting more outrageous. JOHN: as for knowing how to act from movies... JOHN: i didn't even grow up alone, and i think sometimes i have that problem. JOHN: you want your life to make sense that way! JOHN: but real life is a lot more complicated sometimes. JAKE: Yeah!! JAKE: God yes it is. ESPECIALLY when it comes to romance. Good grief. JOHN: i know! JOHN: the movies make it look like it's essential or something, when usually in real life it mostly seems to cause trouble. JOHN: but you can't get a good ending otherwise, unless you accomplish that and a bunch of other arbitrary criteria. JOHN: most of which we haven't accomplished ourselves, but i think we're going to get a good ending anyway. JOHN: still it can mess with your head. JOHN: real life is not like the movies, that's for sure. JAKE: Its hard to have a romance going when your life is constantly under threat by skeleton monsters. JAKE: Also your first time seeing another person in ten years and your first boyfriend happen on like the same day. JOHN: see, that's how it happens in the movies sometimes. JOHN: the main characters meet up and get together right away, and i guess you have to assume it all works out, because the movie ends. JOHN: but when you're actually doing things it is not that convenient, you have to keep going. JOHN: although i hope we're going to get a break soon. JOHN: i would be happy for the credits to close on the constant heroics and dying for a while. JAKE: Me too. JAKE: I want a nap. Without an evil spider troll waking me up. JAKE: Movies also dont tell you how tiring the whole rigmarole of adventure is. JOHN: the main characters always look great, if fashionably ruffled, and they can keep going no matter what. JOHN: but i'm kind of tired. JOHN: especially since i've lived through the same hours twice in places i think? JAKE: You and your weird time travel nonsense again huh? JOHN: i will probably be mostly retiring that, i wouldn't want to cause any more trouble. JOHN: for now it looks like everything is turning out fine on its own. JAKE: Yessir i think were on the right path now and as soon as were done here im gonna take a long nap and anyone who cares to wake me up can throw down about it even if they are a hitherto-perfectly nice troll lady. Or human lady. Or anyone else. JAKE: The suplex of slumber justice is unisex. JOHN: that's the spirit! JOHN: we will all pass out and righteously beat up any one who disturbs us. JOHN: except hopefully once we are settled somewhere a little less exposed. JOHN: if we were asleep here someone might roll off. JAKE: But we can fly? JAKE: Where would we even fall? Towards the frog since its like a planet? Or... down? Were being pulled down by gravity i guess but how can we fall down if theres just space? JAKE: Would we float in our sleep? Maybe just get sucked back to the victory platform? JOHN: that sounds like a question for jade, she's more interested in how this works. JOHN: i told her science was dumb and boring if it didn't work the way i wanted, which made her upset, but i guess i got what i wanted. JOHN: so hah. JAKE: So science works how you want now? JAKE: Are you ganking my power set young man?? JOHN: not all of science, just space and time i guess. JOHN: and all of the scientific laws i am violating with my wanton displacement of matter and energy. JOHN: what ever those laws might be. JOHN: i am not a scientist or lawyer. JOHN: or science lawyer. JAKE: You fiend. Ah well as long as you dont go abusing your power im sure nothing terrible will happen. Like you flap your windy hood and cause a hurricane down south like an errant butterfly of causality. JOHN: well, i sort of lured lord english here, but i had to to save calliope, and we had to fight him anyway, so hopefully you can let that slide. JOHN: like i said, i will be taking it easy from now on. JAKE: I hear you there. Im over here asking myself do i even want to go wandering around this wonderland of dreaminess or do i just want to curl up over in that edge of the lily pad and have a nice snooze? JAKE: You know i can nap almost anywhere. I consider it a talent. JAKE: I have fallen asleep on clear grassy hills except thats probably not a good thing because centaurs can track through at any moment and they arent too careful about where they step! JOHN: jade was like that too! JOHN: although it MIGHT have partly been a troll messing with her brain again? JOHN: trolls sure are meddlesome. JOHN: anyway, this is probably our last chance to explore the dream bubbles, so maybe hold off on the naps until later. JOHN: also, centaurs? JAKE: Centaurs! JAKE: Oh yeah did i never say my island was full of alien monsters? JAKE: Because my island was full of alien monsters. JOHN: wow, your life actually WAS like a movie. JOHN: no wonder it was tempting to see yourself as an action hero. JOHN: everyone else had such weird and dramatic childhoods. JOHN: i don't have many bragging rights but JOHN: i liked mine. JOHN: i guess i'm one of the people that actually... left something ok behind? JOHN: but that's fine! because there can be ok things in the future too. JOHN: or hopefully more than ok. JAKE: I hope so. JAKE: I mean most things would probably be better than having to keep an eye out for monsters while walking to the pantry for canned friggin beets. JAKE: Not that i couldnt handle myself but beets arent worth that much. JOHN: bluch, no. JOHN: jade kept trying to make us eat our vegetables. JOHN: it was terrible. JOHN: she doesn't even know about lunchables. JAKE: My grandma ONLY stocked veggies. JAKE: And this weird stuff called spam. JOHN: i think our jade would probably have a heart attack if she saw spam. JOHN: although she does like raw beef these days. JOHN: which is a little alarming if you see her eat it. JAKE: I think she mostly included it as a courtesy to me and also i dont think theres many other great ways to keep meat. JAKE: So i hunted! Hopefully most of those creatures were edible and i didnt give myself any weird diseases. JOHN: the rest of you were like man versus wild! JOHN: including dave and rose kind of, even though they lived in real houses. JOHN: i will have to catch up if we are in some sort of survivor situation in the new universe. JOHN: i'm not really sure how that will pan out. JAKE: Youll be fine. Well watch your back! JAKE: Dirk will probably like. Invent a house if you give him long enough. JAKE: Just stick with jane and youll be fine. Shes kind of like you in that she also had a pretty cushy upbringing if you count out the assassination attempts. JAKE: Not that i hold it against her anything. We all take our lumps as theyre given. I mean she also has a dead grand- JAKE: Wait a minute. JAKE: Did you say you were...? JAKE: *Suspicious squinting.* JOHN: what? JAKE: Janes... JAKE: Poppop? JOHN: i... guess so? JOHN: that would make sense, she was my nanna. JOHN: oh man, was i also crushed to death by a flying baby? JOHN: that would be so undignified. JAKE: But hold the damn phone!! JAKE: You were ALSO jades brother in my timeline! JAKE: So if you were siblings and youre also janes poppop... JAKE: Would that make her and i... related?? JOHN: um... JOHN: not genetically? JOHN: but i think you were adopted siblings in our world. JAKE: !! JOHN: she grew up with a brother under a wicked alien queen. JOHN: which was betty crocker! JOHN: and the troll empress. JOHN: it is all connected. JAKE: So we were always family! JAKE: Gosh shell be so surprised to find out i bet. Just over the moon. JOHN: who doesn't want more family? JAKE: Of course! Good gravy aint that just like a movie. So many of us grow up without any family to speak of and we find out we were all family all along! JAKE: Consarnit id even call that some kind of irony. JOHN: at least it's a pretty crazy coincidence. JOHN: except since skaia set it up that way it's not a coincidence at all. JAKE: The chilly wind of fate whips through our unshielded undercarriages. JAKE: Get out of there skaia that zone is closed for business! JAKE: Its not enough to be whipping round my legs its gotta go and nab my shorts too... JAKE: Well ive had the last laugh. Ive got PANTS now! AND family! HAH! JOHN: well, fate or coincidence or whatever, I'M happy about it. JOHN: and i think both pants and family are important.

#bonus content #jake english #john egbert

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kyunsies · 3 years

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Hi mädch!!! I'm sending this after you said goodnight haha, but I'm glad you got to sleep early today :) you deserve a good night's rest!!!

I will definitely send you pictures of our plants soon so be on the look out for that 👀👀

About being a musician, I do have a degree in music and I studied for four and a half difficult terrible years to get it 🥲 but it was good, truthfully. It was difficult simply because college is hard. Listening to musical elements in mx or Mozart or soundtracks or t swift or literally any song isn't any harder or easier than another. Just different! Different layerings, sections, sounds, timbres, etc. It's very satisfying to be able to pick out sounds and point them out to my sister and maybe explain them a little bit! And I'll check out those shinee react video suggestions, I already know don't call me, so it'll be fun to watch that one!

I think it's really interesting that I've heard mx refer to All About Luv as a "US album" rather than an "English album". It might not mean anything, but more countries than just the US speak English, y'know? So it feels.. intentional? Anyway I will spare you from the extensive (and I mean super extensive) length of thoughts I'm having about their English songs vs Korean and just say a little bit skdjsh

From a musical stand point, Secrets (English song on a Korean album) is objectively just as or more simple than Middle of the Night (English song on the English album) or Sorry I'm Not Sorry (Korean song on a Korean album). Middle of the Night has lovely vocal harmonies and is very active rhythmically and has a lot of different textures. Secrets is just three chords, with a simple melody (a wonderful lovely simple melody), and a decent amount of clear layers with an acoustic feel with drums/guitar/bass/synths/sax/backing vocal ad libs, all of which are pretty active voices. Whereas Sorry I'm Not Sorry is so smooth and has such a chill vibe, with significantly less layers than Secrets (though just as clear) - it's just guitar and vocals at the beginning, and then some very simple drums and bass layer in, and a little bit of keys too (with some sweeet vocal harmonies in the second half that will melt my heart every time!!), but it's all very gentle. And then BEASTMODE (to stay on Fatal Love) has a much heavier feel (ALSO with some sweet harmonies in the opening "ohs" which are so so strong, and won't melt hearts in the same way the harmonies in Sorry I'm Not Sorry do), as well as stylistically different sections with a lot of different musical elements! Sorry I'm Not Sorry is just like.. one style the whole time, which they do beautifully!!! So like, there's already so much variety within albums, and within their entire discography! It makes being a monbebe so... rewarding and satisfying. Like, it feels like there's something here for everyone.

If you got through all that you deserve an award, it's a lot hsksjslsk I could go on and on and on about music, but I'll stop here for now haha. I'm considering doing a series of posts on my blog where I talk about music, but I'm a little nervous to go through with it 😅😅 my sister thinks it'd be awesome, but I'm not super confident to put myself out there like that hehe... we'll see...

Anyway long message!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I haven't told you lately, but talking to you is so so so nice 💖💖 I don't feel any pressure to say things or not say things, I can just.. chat freely! I feel so warm and loved when I read your replies 🥰🥰🥰 thank you for being such a wonderful sweet lovely amazing nice friendly superstar of a person 💖💖💖💖 dkbtho

HI PLS APOLOGIZE I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS LKFDSJ but i'm finally getting to it, thank u for being patent with me <3 i've been getting good sleep ever since finishing those exams and getting back a good grade on that massive assignment yesterday so THANK U for checking in :)

about your education !!!! it just seems so hard ;____; like obviously when u are in a specific field for so long, the terminology makes sense bc you use it all the time (like how now one really knows what i'm talking about when i use medical terms lol) so i guess just from and outside perspective it looks hard !!! plus we were taught how to learn the basics of music reading in high school bc i was in choir for 1 semester and i was sooooo bad at it, it never really clicked for me ;_____; but i really look up to you for dedicating your livelihood for something you love !!! you seem to be very knowledgeable <3

and i know what you mean about them referring to all of their english stuff to 'US' stuff and i can understand how frustrating that might be bc there are many countries that speak english as well, not just the US ,,,,,,,,, to me it might just be bc their whole "english team" is from the US and everyone who works on their stuff is from the US, also i think the record label is from the US ? so maybe they're just so used to referring it that way bc those are the ppl they work with ya know? but i totally understand how isolating that must feel for a lot of other ppl, i can't really talk that much on it since i'm from the US myself lol but i totally get it and i think it's very valid if it irks some ppl !!!!

and ldskfjslkdjf i loved reading all of this <3 and i really agree with everything you say !!! and i'm glad u are able to pick apart the different styles for each song, for example i also think secrets is one of the more "simpler" songs on the album (not as simple as BEBE) but like, it works for me bc the sax has a nice improv at the end, and the song is pretty synth-y(?) which are elements that i like to a song lol ; you should really dig into mx's older discography tho!!!!! and although i love love love mx's new music (i think fatal love is one of their best albums) there is something that can be said about the timelessness of mx's older discography too <3 i know i've said this to you before, but one of my fav mx songs of all time is blue moon (composed by joo hehe) and like, ,,,,,,,,, i just still cannot believe that was on a DEBUT album ?????? the way it's layered and just the lofi vibes sound so sophisticated and honestly ahead of its time, and i'm not sure how much you've dove into mx already, but i would love to hear your thoughts on their previous music too <3 !!!!!!!

also you should def make that series on ur blog!!!!! i think it'll be nice for u to reflect on but also be a resource for ppl too <3 i think it's a great idea !!!!!! also , thank u so much for taking the time out of YOUR busy day to talk to me <3 it's been so lovely just chatting and im SUPER glad u feel comfortable enough to come here and spend some time with me bc it really means a lot <3 thank you !!!! and i hope u have had a great day today okay?? take care <3

#asks #dkbtho #THIS WAS ALSO LONG LOL

0 notes

mellicose · 6 years

Text

That Woman Over There - Chapter 23

A You Me and Him Fix-it Fic

Rating: Teen, for some mature themes

Word count: 3832

Warnings: none

Summary: ~ Set after the birth of Monty, Olivia’s baby ~ A dear friend of Olivia comes to visit for a week, and she disturbs the fragile peace between her, Alex, and John.

Alex slammed into the gallery, cursing. She forgot to bring a damn umbrella, of all things. She shook herself off and threw down her bag. Rainwater dripped off it, to the parquet floor. The place was eerily dark. She wondered whether it was on purpose. She sniffed at the air. It smelled a bit like John’s house.

Her chest burned. “Fuck,” she said out loud. She wondered whether he hated her, and whether she’d ever smell his house again. She looked around and noticed pieces of art in pools of light. She walked to the closest one.

A painting. Fleshtones. Abstract, but the image began to take form in her brain almost immediately. Bodies. There was something about the sumptuous curves of the negative spaces … but she felt like she was missing something. The paint had a matte quality, a texture that fascinated her.

“It looks like living, breathing flesh, no?”

“Goddamnit!” she said, jumping aside. A lithe man in a striped t-shirt and a pair of jeans stood behind her.

He stood beside her and smiled a cheshire cat grin that was oddly nostalgic. He hugged his slim arms.

“Flesh, no?” he repeated.

“Yes, but there’s something off. I can’t tell where one body ends and the other begins,” she said. Her heart was only slowing now. He drifted the scent of cedar to her. Cedar and … violet? Her eyes drifted to him again. He wore a neat goatee and mustache, and his eyes were the color of his hair - golden brown.

He nodded, and stretched. His shirt rode nearly to the bottom of his ribcage. His smooth belly flexed. His jeans rode low on his hips, and she saw so much happy trail it made her blush.

“You can look away at any time,” he said, giving her a half grin. She didn’t know she was staring. “Not that I mind. You’re cute.”

Her cheeks were hot. Whether it was embarrassment or something else, she didn’t care to figure out.

“You are Alex?” he said, turning to her.

“How’d they get the paint to look like that?” she said, looking back at the painting.

“I don’t know how she does it. That’s why it’s here,” he said.

“Ah,” she said. “Yeah. I’m Alex.” She held out her hand. Again, he smiled as they shook hands.

“How professional,” he said. “You’ve got a firm handshake.”

She shrugged. “Want to see my work?”

“Of course. No more flirting. Straight to business.”

“I’m not flirting,” she said, walking to her bag and digging in it for her laptop. “I’m-” she stopped. She was going to say she was gay. But it wasn’t true. At least, not all the way true. But she could still say it. She gave him a sidelong glance. She decided against it.

“You’re what?” he said. “Taken? If so, I’m sorry.”

She frowned. “No. Not taken.” She coughed.

He nodded. “Come, let’s go upstairs. There’s more light in my flat.” He walked to the far corner. He opened a door to an elevator.

“It’s one of those fancy personal ones,” she said as she entered behind him.

“Yeah. I don’t want a nosy visitor finding their way to my personal space,” he said. He punched in a code. It moved up smoothly. She caught another whiff of cedar.

“Again, you’re sniffing,” he said, smiling.

“Oh. Yeah. You smell a lot like a friend of mine,” she said, smiling bashfully.

“You close?” he said, opening the door. Beyond, was open space with islands of tasteful furniture.

“He’s my best mate,” she said. She hoped it was still true.

“He has good taste, then.”

“It’s not a perfume. It’s, uh, he works with wood, so the smell sticks to him.”

“Carpenter?” he said as he guided her to what looked like an office.

“Artist,” she said confidently. “He makes beautiful things. Precious things. You know, keepsakes.”

“Ouiai,” Alphonse said, and offered her a seat in front of his computer.

“The screen big enough for ye?” she said, and chuckled. It was at least 45 inches.

“I use this to view art,” he said.

“Sure, mate. Art.” she said, and handed him her USB with a sardonic grin she couldn’t wipe off.

His lips trembled with mirth. “You’re not terribly formal, are you?” he said.

“Should I be? This isn’t like, a proper interview, is it?” she said, and slung a leg over the arm of the office chair. “This chair’s rad, by the way. It’s ergonomic, right?”

“Maybe not how you’re using it,” he said. The screen came on and she lost her balance and fell back.

“Holy fuck! I can see colors I didn’t even know existed,” she said, crawling back up to the desk and standing up. “Sorry about the language.”

“Speak however you like. This isn’t the Vatican,” he said.

She looked over his shoulder.”There’s the folder with my work.”

She swore when he clicked on the first photo. “That’s bloody gorgeous,” she said. “Okay, you’re absolutely right. This screen is a requirement. All I’ve got is my mam’s grotty little 200 quid laptop. I can see every single brush stroke with this thing.” She leaned forward. “It’s brilliant.”

“Now you see the method to my madness,” he said.

“Yah, I do. It’s definitely not just for porn,” she said. She nodded.

He burst out laughing. “You have absolutely no filter, do you?” he said.

“Why? Should I? I have a feeling the posh art buyers might cringe at me, eh?” she said.

“Maybe you’re not the affected art school type, but it honestly doesn’t matter. Most of them don’t even know what they’re looking at anyway. They just buy to say they did. It’s very rare to find collectors with an actual eye for talent. That’s where I come in.”

“You’re an art dealer,” she said, emphasizing the last word. “You make the good shit available to ‘em.”

“Exactly,” he said.

“You scare your fancy customers down there?”

“You were in my space,” he said.

“You could’ve made noise walking up, like normal people.”

He crossed his legs, and she noticed that he was barefoot. “Again, my space.”

She smiled. “Sorry. But I almost wee’d myself.” She squirmed.

“You need the loo?” he said.

“I think so,” she said. He pointed to a frosted glass cube in a corner of the apartment. She sighed. “Seriously?”

He winked. He watched her walk away. She was a bit rough around the edges, but her honesty was refreshing. Perhaps he had been around posh art students for too long. Even her shape was more inviting – curvy in places where so many others had on-trend angles.

“This is ridiculous,” she yelled as she closed the glass door behind her. “There’s no privacy whatsoever.”

“I live alone,” he said. He felt strange yelling in his own apartment.

“And when you have … guests?” she said.

“I don’t really hold parties in this space – any guests here are usually beyond that kind of embarrassment.”

“Oh. Yeah,” she said, and flushed. She looked around. There was a large shower in front of her, also glass. It was fancy in a way that made her uncomfortable. She couldn’t imagine washing her body in a place like that. And it was a place, not just a shower. The chrome fixtures gleamed, and the bottles on the shelf were not in English. She wondered whether they smelled like wood. She washed her hands, saw no towel, and dried them on her shorts. She felt weird letting the water dry on the sink. It would get spots.

“Hey, do you wipe down the sink?” she said as she walked back up.

“Shhhhhhh,” he said. He leaned forward, looking intently at one of her blue period pieces. At least, that’s what she called it. It was not naturalistic, but also not as abstract as some of the pieces she saw downstairs. “Viens-ici,” he said, and beckoned to her. “Tell me about this.”

She took a deep breath. “It’s the last piece I painted before I stopped for a while. I just sort of … sat in front of a canvas and let the brush do the talking.”

“Yes, it speaks volumes,” he said. He hugged himself again. “What’s most striking is that although the composition hints at desolation, you did not use the stereotypical washed out palette. It’s searingly bright.”

“I couldn’t stand using muted colors.” She echoed his action, hugging herself. “She deserves better than shades of gray.” She shivered.

“She?” he said.

“Jo,” she said softly.

“An ex?” he said.

“My daughter, who died last year right before being born.”

He gasped.”Ah, petite. J'en suis désolé,” he said. He patted her hand, and for some reason, she burst into tears again. He stood and hugged her. She wrapped her arms around his narrow frame and wept into his chest.

“I’m a mess. I’ve had the worst day ever. I think I just lost everything.”

“How do you mean?” he said.

It surprised her that he even cared. She didn’t know where to start. He was a stranger, so lying wasn’t worth the effort.

“My fiancee just broke up with me. She was right to do it. And I just fucked up my relationship with my best mate. At least, if he’s got any sense.”

“Eh,” he said. He didn’t expect the full truth. She was extraordinary.

“When you say “just”, do you mean in the last month or something?” he said. He rubbed her back. Her hair smelled like cigarette smoke and satsuma.

“I mean, today. Earlier.”

He pulled her away to look at her. “Putain. And you’re here?”

“I’ve got nothing left … what’s your name again?” She wiped her face with her arm.

“Alphonse. You can call me Alfie if you like.”

“Alfie. Sounds posh,” she said. “You don’t like Alphonse?”

“I’m named after my dad. He’s as asshole,” he said.

“‘Least you know ‘im,” she said, and sniffed.” I’ll call you Alfie, then. Don’t wanna be bringing back any bad memories. I don’t usually get like this.” She finished wiping her eyes, but her lips still quivered.

“You want a beer?” he said.

“God yes,” she said. He ran to the kitchen space and opened a giant fridge built into a brick wall “Jesus, man, got enough space in there?” she said. There was actual food in it. Like John, he liked to cook.

“You peckish? I’ve got some leftover cold sesame noodles,” he said, putting two bottles of beer on the counter. She shrugged, but approached the counter, curious. He pulled out a plastic tub and opened it.

“It’s not takeaway,” she said. The noodles were glossy with oil, and dotted with toasted sesame seed and green onion. “Smells amazing.”

“I made them for dinner. As ever, I made too much. I suppose some habits die hard,” he said, and handed her a fork.

“Cooking a lot?” she said around a mouthful of noodles.

“Adjusting to cooking for one again,” he said, and sat on a stool opposite her. “Tell me more about that piece. I noticed that it’s unfinished. Or am I wrong?”

She took a sip of her beer. “That’s perceptive,” she said. “This is delicious, by the way. Better than from a restaurant.”

“Merci,” he said. “I have a mild obsession with asian cuisine.”

“Was your ex girlfriend from there?” she said, taking another generous mouthful.

“Perceptive,” he said. She winked. “No, she isn’t. She’s Portuguese. But she’s a chef who specializes in pan-asian cuisine. She got me hooked.”

“She’s a chef? If I dated a chef I’d gain two stone in a year,” she said. “I’d wear it as a point of pride.”

He laughed. “I wish, but I can’t. Genetics won’t really let me gain much of anything. Some might consider it a blessing. I guess it is.” He shrugged.

“Uhuh,” she said. “I was like that until I hit 25. After that, things started happening in this area,” she said, gesturing to her middle.

“I’m quite a few years over that, and nothing’s happened yet,” he said.

“How old are you?”

“39,” he said.

“Really? You look amazin’, bruv,” she said. She blushed at the ease with which she gave him the compliment, but she didn’t regret it. He beamed.

“I avoid sunlight whenever possible,” he said.

“Okay, Nosferatu,” she said. She looked at the sweating bottle of beer in front of her. She liked him. He seemed like a good bloke, and he hadn’t acted funny when she burst into tears. She didn’t know what she expected when she came, but definitely not him. She looked at him. His eyes were gold, with flecks of green near the iris. It was one of her favorite color combinations.

“You’re staring again,” he said. She was so zoned in she didn’t see his smile.

“Your eyes. The green is nice,” she said, then stuffed her hands in her pockets.

“Thanks. My maman has Persian blood. I get my eyes from her,” he said. “And in more ways than one. She’s the artist. My father thinks art is a hobby.”

She snorted. “My mam’s the same. She thinks I should go to school to become a nurse’s assistant. But I can’t stand the sight of blood. I’m working on being a teacher, maybe.”

“Maybe?” he said, opening another beer for her. She took it gratefully.

“Liv, my fi-my ex-fiancee, suggested it. She had a baby too, Monty. He’s the sweetest little guy you’ll ever meet. He’s gonna be one year old in a month and a half.” She took a deep swig of beer. Her eyes started to swim again. He walked beside her.

“He’s going to be one. And you said you lost Jo last year…” he said.

“It’s a hella long story, mate,” she said. “And you’re a stranger.”

“I’ve got an empty dance card and a case of beer,” he said, walking to a nearby sofa. “Let’s get acquainted.”

She stared out one of his large windows. The night was setting in, and it was pouring rain.

“I think we should wrap up the art stuff. It’s pissing outside and I’ve got to take a train back to Bristol...” her voice failed. She didn’t know where she was gonna go once she got there. She would have to speak to Olivia, then her mam. She dreaded the latter far more than the former.

“I can give you a ride to the station, if you like,” he said.

“Ah,” she said. “You that bored that you wanna listen to my long list of fuck ups?” she said. She sat on the other side of the sofa. She wished she could kick off her boots.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he said.

“You just wait till I get into it, boyo,” she said.

“So that means you’ll stay for a bit,” he said. “I will open my ears and refrain from any possible censure until you’re done.”

“Century what?” she said, making a face.

“Censure. It means a strong or vehement expression of disapproval.”

“Huh. Whatever.” She looked down at her lap. She looked so lost. It made him want to stroke her rain-frizzy blond hair. She broke up with her fiancee just today, yet here she was, braving wind and rain to show him her worth. It was beyond his capacity to understand. He had not gotten out of bed for three weeks after Lorena left him, and it had been over two months until he was able to face the world. It was still difficult to adjust. She had been his life for six years.

“Where are you?” he said.

“I couldn’t finish it,” she said, tracing the shapes printed on her tights. She took a deep breath. He waited patiently. “At the time. It was, like…”

He moved a little closer, but made sure to give her plenty of space.

“It was like admitting she was finished. That her story was over,” she said. “I couldn’t bear it.” She hiccuped, but kept her composure. “I don’t even know why that’s in there. It’s a mess.”

“You keep saying that,” he said.

“Because it’s true. My life’s a mess. My work. My brain. They’re all one great big horrible mess.”

“You also said it’s unfinished,” he said softly.

“The painting? Yeah.”

“You don’t get me,” he said. He used his hands to speak, and it was beautiful to see. “I mean, it’s unfinished. Your life. Your brain. You. You’re young, no?”

“Old enough to know better about things, though,” she said, crossing her arms.

“You haven’t told me your unforgivable trespasses, but obviously not,” he said.

Her mouth dropped open.

He smiled. “I know you can’t see it from the inside looking out, but I have faith in you. You’ll right the wrongs of which you speak.”

“You don’t know me, bruv,” she said, taking a sip of beer. “I’m, like, the queen of fuckups.”

“That’s why it’s faith. If 2.2 billion Christians can believe in an invisible God, I can believe you’re not an incorrigible fuck up.”

She scratched her head. This bloke was something else. She rolled her eyes and gave him a half-grin.

“Alright. But you haven’t heard what I did yet,” she said.

“Will it explain the mystery of you and your ex being with child at the same time at some point? I am very rudely curious about that. Did you do it on purpose?”

“No,” she said loudly. “I didn’t.”

“Okay,” he said, and stretched his legs out. “We’re getting to the meat of the story.”

“I’ll bore you with my stupidity, but what does this have to do with my art?”

“We’ll figure it out along the way,” he said. “Talk to me.”

“Whatever. So my girlfriend got pregnant without telling me. I was really angry, and I got blind drunk and got off with our next door neighbor, John…”

“Wait. You’re gay?” he said.

She bit her lip. This was the first time she was going to say it out loud to someone she didn’t really know. But considering the stuff she was sharing, it couldn’t be that bad.

“I’m bi. I go both ways,” she said. She paused, as if waiting for peals of thunder and lightning, but the rain continued, silent and dark. “I didn’t know it at the time. But that comes later.”

“I see,” he said. “Take your time. I’m here all night.”

“Yeah. So, all it took was one night, and I was well preggers.”

“By the neighbor? Fuck,” he said. “And he was okay with it?”

“John? We became best mates during the pregnancy. He was in love with me or whatever, but we dealt with it. Now he’s in love with Connie.”

“What?” he said up. “So your ex girlfriend got pregnant without telling you. Then, you got off with your neighbor John, got pregnant after one night, and you’re still living by each other?”

“Yep,” she said.

“And now Encarnacion is with John, the father of Jo, and in love? Wasn’t she with Ella?

“Her and Ella went kaput last year. Big drama – at least, the bits I heard. Super messy.”

“I believe you now,” he said, eyes wide. He had to call Encarnacion. Her and Ella had once felt as immutable as a mountain. But Vesuvius most probably felt the same to the Pompeiians. “You remained friends?”

“Of course. Even after Jo. Like I said, he’s my absolute best mate. Or, possibly, was.”

“If you could endure that triangle, what happened to break it?”

She looked out the window again. She wondered what he was doing. Connie, most probably. He deserved happiness. She couldn’t get the indignant look on his face when she confessed. She never wanted to see that look on his face again.

“Oh,” he said softly. “Oui.”

“What?” she said, snapping out of her train of thought.

“You developed feelings for him. That’s why you broke up with your fiancee.”

She kicked off her books and started pacing the open space in front of the window.

“I’ll have you know she broke up with me,” she said. “He’s the father of my girl,” she said. “Jo was ours.”

“You said he was in love with you. What happened to change that?”

She snorted. “I’m a fool. A damn fool.” His brows rose. “He moved on. I suppose to keep his sanity, but he did. Fully.”

“With Encarnacion,” he said.

“Who is Olivia’s best friend,” she said.

He brightened up. “How is Olivia? She was a hell of a drinking buddy, back in the day.”

“Drinking buddy, huh? Of course,” she said, but she didn’t ask. It was just another story Liv hadn’t bother to tell her. “She’s fine, I hope.”

“You’ve given me only the blurb, but it already sounds like a hell of a story,” he said.

She sat on the windowsill, which was lined with silk pillows. “I think I’ll need something stronger than lager to really get into it,” she said. She held out the half-empty beer bottle.

“I’ve got vodka in a freezer,” he said, taking it.

“That’s good. Pour a drop of juice in. I’m still nursing a hangover.”

“As one does,” he said with a smile, and handed her a glass. He sat against the wall, at her feet. “So, start at the beginning.”

“At the actual beginning, or when everything got fucked?”

“At the very beginning,” he said, nursing his beer. He was a believer that you could tell a lot by a person by the kind of conversation they had. There are people who could talk your ear off for hours, but in the end, you didn’t know them any better. And there were people like Alex – open to a beautiful fault. He already knew he would be crazy about her. Whether it was romantically or not, he couldn’t ascertain now. But he’d know soon enough.

“I met Olivia online, on a dating site. I’d joined as a gag, but in less that 24 hours, I had over 30 messages…”

They talked until dawn, and in the interim, he figured it out.

Next Chapter

#That Woman Over There #you me and him #fan fiction #alex deserves the world #we're almost at the end #It's gonna be so hard to let these characters go

5 notes · View notes

hatchibomitar · 5 years

Note

1-70

alright this has been sitting here for like a month and im tipsy so im gonna fkin answer it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

i have a great relationship with my mom!!

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

my girlfriend 😊😊😊😊❤❤

03: Do you regret anything?

oh sure i do! lots of little things. that’s anxiety babey. but i don’t regret any choices that have got me to where i am today

04: Are you insecure?

it depends on the day, i am some of the time - but it’s a huge improvement from the past omg

05: What is your relationship status?

in a RELATIONSHIP with the LOVE OF MY LIFE

06: How do you want to die?

i do Not like this question ! goodbye thot

07: What did you last eat?

salsa chicken and rice, and zucchini!!!!! and i might annihilate a pint of ice cream later

08: Played any sports?

yes omg i played soccer and lacrosse!!! i love lacrosse sm.

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope i never have! i used to rip them off though lmfao! not the whole thing!!!!! jsust bits

10: When was your last physical fight?

never lmao

11: Do you like someone?

yes

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

no oh my goodness i would literally die

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

sober kaiden might be all dramatic and say yes but white claw kaiden says No :-)

14: Do you miss someone?

yes :( i want to be Kissed!

15: Have any pets?

yA omg i have 2 cats at my mom’s house!!!!! i cannot wait until i can have my own pet

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

i’m actually feeling fgreat, it’s basically my summer break rn and usually i’d feel terrible with no strict plans of what to do, but today was so much fun. i had a great time just fuckin around. im very optimistic

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

HEHEHE oh my gosh, i don’t kiss and tell, but yes i do actually. ok so not a public bathroom but someone else’s bathroom at a party, yes, and my own bathroom, yes, and someone else’s bathroom, yes! i just love bathrooms (wow i sound so cis)

18: Are you scared of spiders?

not especially ! i am Not good at capturing them and also i cannot kill them, but i am sometimes ok with just letting them chill. ok maybe i lied. it depends

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

no 😤

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

the brit Popped Out! the last place was, the airport when i dropped my girlfriend off :(((((

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

omg well it’s still the weeknd rn? it’s sunday night. and my plans were: d&D!!!!!! and it was SO FUN!!! but next weekend, im seeing my bestie graduate college along w my other mt friends, and then on sunday i’m driving home 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

Yes I Do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i ‘m not super sure, maybe 2? 1 would be fine too but also i feel like siblings are great, even tho they’re terrible at the same time. like i’d face my brother in ritual combat but i would also slap a high schooler in the face for being mean to him, yknow

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i do! i have 2 closed up ear holes.

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

i was always great great great at english/reading/spelling! now i’m in college so like uhhh . i get to choose my subjects. so my best is photography ahah!! but i’m not bad at writing :-)

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

not desperately. sometimes i feel the urge to reconnect with old friends tho

26: What are you craving right now?

a Kiss!!!!!!

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

wait omg first i have a story. so on facebook they used to have those things where you’d answer questions, like this, in a note. i got tagged to do one so i did. let me set the scene. it was sophonmore year of high schoool. im 16. i’d broken up with my first “real” boyfriend a few months ago. so i was tagged for this shindig right.? it got to this very same question: have you ever broken someone’s heart? and i thought about this kid who i dated for 2.5 months...and i was like....well, clearly, he’s devastated we aren’t together! so i answered “Yes. Unfortunately.” ooohhhhh..... the drama.......the absolute emotion..... riveting.... who was he ? i was probably listening to jonas brothers SOS at the time.

anyway, how am i supposed to actually know ? like does sometone have to say “u broke my heart?” bc if so no one’s said that. but my last gf took the breakup v hard so maybe ? but i don’t wanna plant emotions in to anyone’s skull!

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

one of my exes sexted her friends. jury is still out on whether that counts, please lmk me know ur thots. kaelin, if ur out there, i’m so.................................happy that i haven’t spoken a word to you for 3 years. fuck off !

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

Yes

30: What’s irritating you right now?

real quick, an update on the chocolate ice cream situtiaon. i’ve cracked open my pint, as well as another hard seltzer. i’ve also lit a candle. it’s a real production

anyway, no ! oh hahahah. sorry. thought it shaid who’s irritating you. ummm, personal stuff! but im not like mad. just personal drama

31: Does somebody love you?

lors of people do! and lots of people love You Too!!!!! you’re a delight!

32: What is your favourite color?

i LOVE yellow !!!!!!!!!!!! and blue, specifically teal! but not too dark of a teal you km,now ?

33: Do you have trust issues?

depends what im trusting them with !

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i had a nightmare that i was sabrina the teenage witch and another witch was chasing me on a rooftop trying to kill me :(

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

hmmm idk actually bc it’s hbeen hard for me to cry lately :( probably maya ?

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

to be honest i don’t think i’ve often had the chance to Give a second chance

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

idk man iuhhh it’s kinda hard to just literally completely forget! and mnaybe not as healthy!

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

that’s kinda premature, it’s only april!!! but i suppose may is soon. idk im not sure! maybe every year is the best year of my life :-)

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

20 bb

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

i have ANaughT

51: Favourite food?

i would give up everything for a bgagel. i also LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEE sushi! my fave roll is i think either spicy tuna w the spicy sawce or seared salmon ora spicy tuna hand roll. i fuck sushi

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

this is a hard question for me to answer bc i want to say yes but also i don’t think abuse or murder or bad things or unnecessary death happens for any reason other thna, it just does sometimes and that sucks real bad. so idk. i don’t think everything has a grand purpose. but i blieve in my life, everything that’s happened to me has in fact led me to where i am today and i’m learning and healing and growing. that being said i could do without some of the things that have happend to me!

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

read a storm of swords :00000

54: Is cheating ever okay?

no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the point of cheating is it’s a breach of Trust! and that’s not okay!

55: Are you mean?

i hope not :(

56: How many people have you fist fought?

what is with u brits

57: Do you believe in true love?

depends what u mean by true love...like in fairytales? i think true love is just loving someone so much you’re willing to work on whatever you need to to keep them. not unconditional in the sense of “even if they’re mean i still love them” but unconditional in the sense of “even if u fart in front of me i don’t care, and even if you go through hardship and aren’t yourself for a while i will still love you because im with u for real”

58: Favourite weather?

SUN SUN SUN my favorite is when it’s warm out, but there are clouds to gaze at. it’s kinda humid. there’s a slight breeze. oh gosh i can’t wait for the summer :*( im currently cyring

59: Do you like the snow?

i am so fucking tired of the snow LMFAO it snows 8 months of the year here and i’m here, guess what, 8 months of the year! i fuckin hate it! go shit on someone else, clouds

60: Do you wanna get married?

YES more than anything, so much, i want to, so badly

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OH MY GOD I DIE I MELT

62: What makes you happy?

sunshine, late night drives, laughing so hard my stomach hurts w/ my best frineds, playing d&d, writing poetry, thinking about how small animals’ feets are, petting my cat and making him purr, talking to my little brother about real stuff, kissing my girlfriend and seeing her smile, warm blankets when it’s cold, eating cookie dough, dancing, singing in the car, holding hands, walking in the summer and listening to my favorite podcast, talking about harry potter with my mom, playing overwatch in the summer with andy, going to council crest

the list could go on forever :-)

63: Would you change your name?

already did PAL!!!!!!!!!!!

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

only hard bc she’s not physically here rn. but no, it would be easy, beacuse she’s so kisssable

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

if you define sex by GENITALS YOU BIG BIBNCH then i don’t Have one

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

stop omg......

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

STOP OMG

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

hmmmmmmmmmm..... idk maybe jamie

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i don’t necessarily believe that there’s 1 perfect person for everyone out there romatnically, but i believe thaere are people destined to be in your life and i believe there are people that you will click with just absolutely instantly and feel an incredibly deep connection with, whether it be romantic or not

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

kinda morbid :/

#Anonymous #the life and lies of kaiden #this was SO FUN im gonna do the othe rone too!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 #maya #askies

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pinksweatergettingbetter · 7 years

Text

MAYA I TRUSTED YOU

WHAT WOULD WILL POWERS SAY

ok he'd probably be like ‘hehe; guess I'm falling further into obscurity thats cool i was never amazing in the first place’

“theres only one!”

...that is rare

“i traded my watch to my kooraheenese friend! it plays the steel samurai theme when it goes off!”

I SMELL A CHEKOVS GUN

“it sounds just like the steel samurai theme”

“no it doesn't!”

mayas right, it doesn't sound like the steel samurai's theme.

it sounds BAD.

seriously i feel like my soul is physically rejecting it

put your arms akimbo at me again young lady and ill push you into your magic soul pool.

“that whole séance thing makes trials completely different”

meh

speaking of trials, we’re back to trials! ya–– i dont want to deal with nahyuta

“you have to pitch your terrible crossover!! i won't let you down”

as much as i disapprove of the crossover let it be known that phoenix is a sweetie pie.

“The sacred murder dagger was used to murder someone?!?!??! BLASPHEMY!!!”

“The lowest level of hell; the Hell of Tickling” IM KINKSHAMING KOOORAHEENISM

“They shall not escape on their /redtext/ Freedom Express today!”

she did it yaaaaayy!

U R DIARHOEA!!! KOORAHEEN!!!

well i

i cant argue....

oh god no t voice acting again

LOL YOU CAN SKIP IT AHAHHAHHA

AND THE DANCE TOO HJDSJSFAKJ

guess its not *that* important eh

the entire court just called phoenix a shithead.

i mean people say “Polkhunka” when theyre surprised, and the term is “polkhunan”. so yeah. either hellion, or shithead. nice.

phoenix: this makes no sense

me: ooh i cant wait for the bullshit excuse!!

Well ill be damned to tickle-hell. Rayfa’s a television aerial.

oh i see how they did that. i guess spirit visions have steady-cam?

.........he ran right into it

dude why

i just love this. “yes he ran directly at the killer, to fight them! with his arms flailing in terror!! it might look stupid and fake but actually it’s kooraheen’s biggest martial art, RonDeliteFu!”

every time Rayfa does her hand-flinging-out pose i mistake her sash for a stick and i keep thinking she’s a muppet

“we can’t let the special fires go out, so we make sure to remove the glass around them every year on top of a window mountain so that a woman can um...... walk around it i guess.”

i hate to admit it but these stupid pond vision things are really stumping my blind ass

i stg pohlkunka is the stupidest sounding made-up expletive ive ever heard

id rather heard cowabunga every time something shocking happens for godssakes

“wow he really does care about ema”

hey show dont tell lol

“i cant believe he's come to understand their value”

uhhh well

they stated that they still hold investigations despite their magic pool parties, so uhhhhhhh yeah???? forensic investigators are usually pretty helpful??

since Sadmad’s catchphrase appears to be ‘putrid’, i keep reading ‘purification rite’ as ‘putrification rite’

i cant believe they did a “what if... (EXTREME CLOSE UP ZOOM) PLOT TWIST?!”

STOP SAYING PUTRID

oh hey its dirty hobo man! ...also i guess the ‘sexy pan up shot’ is for every new character :/

hobo rangers go...

...Nahyuta named him A’nohn Ihmus. A’nohn Ihmus.

Well that just cements my idea that Kooraheenians are just a bunch of Americans that stole a landmass and made up a phony baloney culture.

It has been confirmed that they are legitimately just taking english words and ‘kooraheenifying’ them.

“i used my binoculars to spy on the rite at the inner sanctum”

A’nohn is just as perverted as his namesake from Tuhmbl’r

“Feh. I knew you were a fool...”

Cue Franziska crashing her plane into the court room to yank on Sadmad’s braid to scold him for taking her word.

“shall be reborn as a witless sea urchin with barbs limited to your posterior”

ok well sadmad, sea urchins asses are next to their mouths... on the bottom of them. completely opposite to the, uh, you know. Spiky part.

So I’m not sure if that serves to strengthen your point or just make you look like a moron

i mean i guess it served to enhance sadmad’s point since phoenix’d be totally smooth and unprotected, but then he wouldn’t even reach adulthood so that sea otter wouldn’t come in too early and...

...he just said phoenix will be reborn as not only mentally slow but also physically deformed.

...uh... nice one, sadmad.

AND MAYA PULLED A REACHAROUND ON THE PRIEST

YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST FROM THE HOLY MONK, GUYS

to be fair, she could have stabbed him with a reverse-grip or not; one doesn’t have to hold their hand at any particular to perform a reach around

oh well at least the contradiction is incredibly obvious

at least hobo ranger has an excuse to use words like “bucko”

i hate that,,,, theres a rule against climbing the mountains during the rite. that means that there have been perverts of yore who tried to spy on the lady changing

hes gonna see her shad–– (sigh)

yknow, i dont think shadows are detailed enough to know which way someone is holding a knife.

also moonlight isn't that bright

DWAAYYYYMMMN

sasquatch’d!!

ok so... does happiraki mean “hello” or “hooray!” because its been used it both contexts

i just realized that the Plumed Punisher theme song sounds like one of those posts where someone takes a recognizable song and fucks with it in a silly way, like pitch shifting it at awkward moments or changing the key

i cannot believe i have to use a fucking walkthrough for this game. I'm disgusted with myself. I'm better than this.

“no one was allowed in there and the only way up were the stairs!”

ah yes, the unguarded stairs surrounded by people who had their heads down. in prayer.

totally impenetrable.

“What?! This is insane!!” no no, phoenix, youre doing it wrong. you have to say “this”, then sadmad has to say “is” and then the judge has to yell “insaaaaane!!” because its funny when one person says one word of a sentence each!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

‘rah rah sis boom bah, fight, fight, phoenix wright!!”

um excuse me maya who gave you the right to be cute

why does sadmad only have one hand-guard-glove thingy

“my bag of bluffs” is an interesting and long way to say “ass”

they put... a maximum security prison... on top of their holy mountain. they put their criminals... on top of their. holy mountain.

they put a jail. in a church. in fact they put it higher up... closer to... god.

what the fuck. the fourth one. only accessible by helicopter.

who was smoking what when they decided this???

(sigh) mmmmm id been waiting to use that patchwork quilt

“hell of hangnails”

not as fetishy but still pretty–– actually you know what that sounds kinda fucked up. isn't that just kinda G rated torture anyway

wow that incredibly obvious lie deserves the terrible pursuit theme??

maybe its the last one (i hope)

“are you the rebel hunter!!??!?!?!??”

um well no, unless the rebel hunter is a criminal. jackass.

...cutting dirty deals with criminals, are we, sadmad?

“haha, the fact that the third person at the scene was a wanted criminal destroys your theory that it was the rebel hunter Keera that killed the high priest!!”

...wow... gosh i was wrong... and the fact that a wanted criminal was actually at the scene... doesn’t help me at all... because once i said that one person didi it, it couldn’t possibly be someone else... oh no... i guess it was Maya who did it... for reals... not the.... wanted criminal....

...hang on, his little power rangers dance was the defiant dragons dance? how... did nobody notice this?? sadmad really was colluding with criminals wasn’t he. gosh. what a trustworthy guy.

phoenix: oh no!! his testimony was a lie!!

oh no! the testimony that did nothing but damage your case was a lie!!!

??????

sadmad: get him!

hobo ranger: (does a little hop and daintily scurries off)

sadmad: ... (takes a good five leisurely seconds to stop the background music) put everyone on high alert. i want everyone after that guy

that guy who just. skipped out of a courtroom. past hundreds of crazy people and several bailiffs.

haha... the kooraheenes police. to quote phelous... THEY’RE THE BEST!

“what was the point of all that, anyway?”

search me, phoenix.

“well, i cant help but feel that entire episode was an enormous waste of time”

hey capcom? hanging a lampshade on it doesn’t make it better. it just amplifies how much it sucks.

“yes! i recognized that piece of paper because it looks exactly like the piece i have! thats covered in blood and unrecognizable!!!”

...nice

OH AND ITS THE PERFECT FIT TO COVER THE BLOODSTAIN WELL ISNT THAT JUST FUCKIN SERENDIPITOUS

“the ignorant lawyer has not bothered to learn out language??”

well A) he's not an international attorney, B) he was on vacation, not studying abroad, and C) fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. you’re all speaking english all the time anyway, you bunch of fuckin phoneys

i stg sadmad if you say putrid one more time i’ll cram a rotten egg down your pasty white gullet and show you the meaning of the word

“the criminal could have only escaped if the high priest helped him out, so why would he kill him?”

hey sadmad? remember that thing about using your putrid brain? yeah, doesn’t take too big a leap to realize that you might’ve just proved phoenix’s ‘idiot theory’ right. maybe the priest um... was a rebel??? who was going to do just that??? and the rebel killer offed his sorry ass?

perhaps, o foolish prosecutor, you should think before you open your rancid lips... lo, in your ignorance, you will be cast down to the hell of those who are kind of stupid....... the hell of perpetual fart smell. there you shall inhale the decomposing winds of ten thousand and one accursed mihtama, while fart fetishists gaze on in envy...

oh wow i didnt even need to go on that spiel, he just admitted it straight up. but yeah, apparently when Lady Kee’ra impersonator kills a rebel, it’s A-OK. But when Maya kills a rebel, well, fuck, she’s a foreign bitch, execute her!!

also the way he said it seems to imply that he knew all along so uh

maybe people should start suspecting this guy. he seems to... know a lot of rebel criminals.

every time sadmad shakes his head i wanna break his neck

man i remember being annoyed at edgeworth in the first game and wanting to hop my desk and rough him up, but never wanting to physically maim or kill him. you suck, sadmad.

WE GOT IT, FOLKS!! WE GOT THE ASSAULT!! IT’S UM, IT’S SUPERNATURAL FORCE ASSAULT THIS TIME.

FUCK BIRDS AND SWORDS, I GUESS? ACTUAL MAGIC IS THE WAY TO GO?

hey sadmad; tickling? bondage? can we... keep that out of the courtroom please?

also “oh no! i can’t point my finger!!” phoenix cries, forgetting that he has two arms. i guess capcom won’t spring for more than one sprite tho haha

“the keera we saw was the statue draped in the sacred robes!”

with a... knife sticking out, apparently. ok..?

also gosh, maya’s really fast, tiptoeing around the abbot, draping the costume just so, then tiptoeing back around? like lightning she is!!

he just cut off his own theme song.

“she used her fiendish tricks to fool the court room”

which didn’t work at all if you remember the beginning of this court so fuck you?

“she sought to use the divination seance to mislead us!”

good going, pointing out an absolutely massive flaw in your country’s legal system, sadmad.

i cant believe we had a flashback for absolutely no other reason than Sadmad to gloat. I FILE FOR A MISTRIAL ON GROUNDS OF MISUSE OF FLASHBACKS.

please oh god just let it end i dont have enough space in my stomach for any more ulcers

i can’t stand hearing him say let it go one more time please I'm begging you

oh no... phoenix has failed... he’s going to die... it’s really going to happen...

just get to the surprise witness or whatever already

oh thank god. love you, headband guy

“the dagger bears the finger prints of maya fey!”

wow. the police suck major ass at catching running people, but their finger print checking speed is second-to-none. ...either that or they waited a while before telling people about a dead body.......

oh gosh!!! its totally maya!!! she arrived 2 years ago and so did lady keera and

yeah no. it’s not her.

but even if it was, kinda awkward there, sadmad? she’s um. kind of a hero to you.

i dont get it why is everyone freaking out. i thought the keera impersonator was considered some kind of vigilante hero? why is it suddenly bad when they “find out” it’s maya? is it because she isn't kooraheenees?

I'm honestly really confused. everyone was rooting for the masked defender one moment, but now that its maya, it’s murder??

seriously what the fuck. like the gallery was legit going “ah!! lady keera has come back to save us from the rebels!”

and then its like “its not divine its some foreign bitch in a cloak” and now its like SERIAL KILLER. also, nice. we’ve never been allowed another day in court because there was a second charge racked up. awesome. (with the possible exception of Ron Delite, tho he was changing his charge)

sadmad can go choke on his own braid and the gallery can lick their own hypocritical asses. i can’t believe i stayed up till 2 am to finish this section.

#sulking over SOJ #soj spoilers obvs]#it just keeps getting better........ and better..........

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