#also my dad always says hes in catholic hell sooooo guess im not real then :')
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Text
Vent
Tw: sh, suivide
#i hate that my brain is broken and it makes me fight with my family....#i.wish i could jjst shut my mouth like thsy qant me to.....#it smells like human shit n piss in my room cus im too scared to ask my dad to change it :')β¨οΈπβοΈ#i wanna cut so that i get release and attention but last time my dad didnt even notice and my sister didnt take it seriously :(#i feel like cuttong is the only way to let out my Ick and show how not good im doing#mental illnesses are invisible and so fucking crippling......#my family thinks im lazy i just know they do#im such a fuvking failure at 25 i should be taking care of my dad like he did to his..#also my dad always says hes in catholic hell sooooo guess im not real then :')#he spefically says he died as a kid and this is his hell.....π₯ΉβοΈπ#i just....hate my life and already dont feel real#he basically vents and says whatever without thinking about the impact on ME the adult child with autism.#i think about my words affect on everybody all the time and it seems like barely anyone thinks the same#....maybe i can s-xually -buse myself instead of cutting#but cumming always brings a biiiiig wave of crying#i shpuldnt cut for the attebtion but FUCK i wanna get a hug or see someone have a soft voice n soft eyes for me#....all i do is annoy my dad#i should just kill myself so i dont annoy him anymore#but im too scared of failing#also im scared of Hell#i need a hug that doesnt start with me asking for a hug......#if i didnt do anything affectionate for a whole day i would go without it#i would trade every present in the world if my family could at least just UNDERSTAND my emotional brain#instead i get βi just dont understandβ over n over n over n over again.....#im not trying to be an attention seeker when i say this: logically the only answer i can come up with is to k-ll myself.#its like 2 + 2 = su!cide#my family says that theyd kill themselves if i did....i dont believe that#theyre less broken than me so they would heal and move on.#for clarification#the most violent thing km gonna do is c-t myself im NOT attempting tonight
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