#also my computer broke last week but it's fine now

[xenonmoon]

Collective time? How is it going

A sketch that pretty much sums up my mood while I was posting about reading the collective arc and also my current post-graduation burnout

Thank you for the ask!

[lovdlydaz]

❝ YOU ARE FLAWLESS. ❞

artist!choso x black!afab!reader

your boyfriend has a tendency to go over the top when it comes to you, so when you express your insecurities, he makes sure to let you know how perfect you are in his eyes.

warnings: chubby reader, supportive boyfriend choso, modern au (no curses/sorcerers), angst to fluff to smut, cunniligus, p in v, unprotected sex (trying for a baby), "draw me like one of your french girls" type shit, shit tons of praise, creampie, pet names, soft dom choso, very subby reader, just a lot of soft sex and affirmation enjoy

it all started when you asked your boyfriend to go get some healthier foods from the grocery store that you had seen on social media. he was vaguely confused since he knew that both you and him didn't really eat healthy, which was fine for him but not for you. while he had a very fast metabolism and also worked out 5 times a week, you barely lifted a finger and would stay home to cook and clean since your work was at home and on a computer.

so, when you started to gain a few pounds over a couple of weeks you realized you needed to do something about it, so you did. whenever choso would go to the gym you would follow him, doing your own little couple workouts and feeling great right after. then you would stop at a restaurant to grab some food before heading home and watching your boyfriend paint while you did work across the room.

after a few more weeks of working out and eating a bit more healthier, you didn't see results at all. yes you felt lighter and you internally were healthier, your body didn't show any ounce of getting smaller. you still had fat around your hips, small rolls that were only visible when you arched, flabby arms and thicker thighs than normal. and while your thighs and arms had more definition now, the fat didn't go away no matter what you did.

so it started to get to a point where you went into bad eating habits, like eating once out of the day and even that meal was only a few hundred calories. by then, that's when your body started to get smaller, since you let it digest the fat instead of the food you were ingesting. choso didn't like how much thought you were putting into your body, since regardless of how you looked he would still love you anyways.

one day, the man you loved more than anything in the world sat you down for a whole-hearted meaning regarding your physical and mental health. he reached out for your hand and looked you dead in the eyes, his own pink ones staring deep into your chocolate brown ones.

"why did you sit me down? is there something you wanna talk about?" you asked, acting oblivious to the fact that you knew exactly what he wanted to talk about. and it was you. "baby, i know something's wrong. you haven't been acting yourself lately, being cautious about what you eat and going to work out with me when you had work to do. is there something you wanna tell me?" he inquired, making you drop your head and small tears form in the corner of your eyes.

"...do you think i'm fat?" your soft voice mumbled, causing his eyes to widen and his face looked taken aback. "...what?" he muttered alongside you. your face picked itself up and there were tears threatening to leave your eyes as you stared at him. "babe, i've gained over 10 pounds in the last month, i've gone up a shirt size and two pants sizes, i've gained fat around my stomach and hips, and i can't even get into bed without feeling like shit because my stomach pokes out more than it ever has. and i'm not even pregnant..." your voice trailed off since tears were falling down your face, causing your beloved partner to wipe them off of your face for you.

choso pressed a small kiss to the top of your head, your crying always upset him and this just absolutely broke his heart. he had never noticed you feeling this way, all those hints from you wanting to get healthier foods to you barely leaving your built-in office because you were afraid to eat. he felt like the worse boyfriend in the world for not noticing sooner, but none of this was his fault. "b-baby..." he couldn't even form words, your sobs had grown even louder from the silence he gave. all he could do was cradle you in his arms, letting you cry out all the frustration he knew you needed to.

his arms were comforting, soft and hard with a mix of muscle and fat, you felt like he was your personal teddy bear. he was always able to give you the hugs you needed and treat you like a princess when he knew you needed it. so, when you felt him wrap his arms around you to let you cry into them, it was so soothing for you. you cried for maybe about a minute until it subsided to soft sniffles and coughs. he rubbed the small of your back the whole time, letting you get nice and comfortable before you wanted to speak.

it took a few minutes but you finally started up at him, mouth quivering just a little as your glossy eyes looked into his softer pink eyes. choso looked back down at you, just staring into those lovely brown eyes he adored since the first time you two had met. his mouth opened, then it closed, then it opened again, and words started to flow out.

"princess, listen to me. you are perfect in every way, shape or form. no matter how much weight you gain or how much you lose, i will love you regardless of your body. i didn't fall in love with you off of pure looks alone, i fell in love with you because we were made for each other," he spoke, grabbing your delicate face with his rough and gentle hands. "we are like peanut butter and jelly," he continued, "syrup on pancakes, ham and cheese sandwiches, we just... click. you are mine and i am yours, nothing will ever change that. you understand love?" he asked you, looking back to see your tears had started back up, but they were happy tears.

you hugged your lover and nodded your head, which he didn't like. so, he softly pulled you away, a hand on your hip while another against your cheek. "words honey, they don't have to be perfect." he sweetly demanded, making you gulp and open your mouth. "i-i... i understand babe. thank you... so much." you smiled, making him kiss the top of your head once more, which elicited a giggle out of you. but, the praise wasn't over just yet.

now that he had calmed you down, he connected your lips, which you immediately melted into. not caring about what the world thought or what the voices were telling you, you had choso, and that's what mattered right now. it was sweet and sensual, conveying all the inter-meaningful and complex emotions the both of you shared within each other, for each other. it was a kiss that signified your love for one another, and it was just that.

until it wasn't.

after the sentimental moments dribbled away, there came the sexual. you started to softly whine as your boyfriend pressed deeper into your lips, pushing your body against the couch the two of you were on right against the armrest. it was comfortable and actually helped your back a little, but his weight was pressing down on you and you weren't that strong. you could handle it however, since he knew how much to hold up so that he wouldn't crush you. his lips were so rough yet had a smoothness to them that was oddly satisfying. you couldn't put your finger on it, it just felt right.

choso pulled away after a couple of seconds, needing to breathe but he didn't connect your lips back. instead, he dropped lower to your jaw, kissing it tenderly making your body tense with arousal. you could feel your heat start to throb from the way your boyfriend touched you, just like he loved you. and he did. "beautiful baby, wonderful girl," he panted, kissing going past your collarbone now and to the clothed part of your chest. he raised your shirt over your head to pull it off, going to your covered tits and massaging them.

"such a perfect body, would be such a great mama," he murmured, fondling the breast tissue in his large hands. you let out soft noises at this, feeling every emotion rise within you due to the pure fact that his words were reaching everywhere but your brain. you believed he loved you but you didn't believe your body was perfect, but he did, and with pride.

his hands traveled lower to your tummy, knowing that you were sucking in so he gave it a soft tap, which caused you to free your stomach. watching all the fat that your belly had gathered made his cock immediately stand up, it was so hot how much you had gained. and, quite frankly, it weighed your body out perfectly, now you were busty in every place and choso would have to fight every man off because he knew how dangerous you were now.

he softly played with the flesh, going a little too close to your womanhood, but he knew exactly what he was doing. that's why he didn't stop, he just kept going. he wanted you to realize how beautiful you were, how god sent your existence was to him and how fucking in love he was. so, he kept going with no intention of stopping. "such a pretty belly, great for holding my kids," he groaned, starting to slowly hump against the couch because of how much he was turned on by you and your body. he was too entranced by you, every action he did showed just that.

he kissed and marked your pudge, causing soft gasps and whimpers to escape you. you were drenching in your panties right now, which choso could see a perfect outline of your pussy lips from where he was. the only reason you weren't wearing shorts was because your shorts felt too suffocating on your thighs, so you wore one of choso's shirts to cover your ass and thighs. which obviously didn't work, since the shirt was now discarded on the floor.

it took him a while to stop, but once he did, he went back to your breasts and unhooked your bra from behind. he let the article of clothing hit the floor before he grabbed one heavy teat, kneading the flesh with his jagged fingertips while you couldn't keep down your noises. you were melting from his touch, everything about him was making you turn into jelly just from his presence alone. no other man could make you feel how choso made you feel, emotionally and physically. he made you feel things that not even god could comprehend, these feelings were so complex and for one person and one person only.

his mouth latched onto your unoccupied tit, sucking and licking the sensitive nub as his other hand pinched and rubbed the other. your nipples were very sensitive so of course this made you even more wet, causing your back to arch into his touch and your throbbing clit to rub against your panties, making you moan out into the air. he could only get harder from here, which caused a wet spot to appear in his underwear. he didn't care though, at least you were both wet together.

"such big tits, good for my babies," he moaned this time, groaning and wincing as he got as much of nothing as he could out of your tit. he would be sucking all the milk out of them when you got pregnant, he couldn't wait for that. he was so obsessed with the idea of getting you pregnant right now, your body was perfect for his children and he wanted you to know that. you would be a wonderful mother and you were both ready for kids, being together since high school and never separating. he wanted you, he wanted to have a family with you, and now was the perfect time.

once choso finished with your chest he moved down to the place you wanted him to, but he completely avoided it to go to your thicker thighs. he kissed and licked all over them, moaning as he did so. "such long and plump thighs, perfect for sittin' on me," he huffed, kissing and marking your legs as he went down. once he finished he moved back up to your heat, kissing the outside of it and licking your clit through your underwear. "such a pretty little pussy, and just for me," he gruffed, using his teeth to tear apart the barrier between his mouth and your cunt, discarding it onto the floor.

after that, he went to town. he grabbed your thighs and held them as he dove nose first into your cunt, licking and sucking around your labia and moving from your clit to your hole. you let out a surprised moan at the fact that he went so fast and ate you like a starved man, which was turning you on even more. he could taste your fluids rushing on his tongue and all he could do was whine and hump the couch, your taste putting him in a trance that he never wanted to get away from. he wanted to taste you on his tongue forever, and he made that obvious in everything he did.

he made it his duty to make sure that you understood that you could feel every bit of his love through how aggressive and hard he was eating you out. he knew that he was going hard but that's what made it fun, that's what made you realize how good of a man your boyfriend was. now you wish he was your husband, but that will change very soon. his messy work on your pussy had you reeling and keening, he knew exactly how to please you and it made you feel so good knowing that he cared this much.

"mm, choso, baby, 'm close," you cooed, grabbing his head and pushing it more into your vagina. he obviously didn't oblige, getting as much of you as he could on his tongue. you came undone a few seconds after that, crying out his name as you covered his face with your fluids. he was surprised how he didn't cream his pants right then and there, but he didn't, which meant he was going to fill you up with all his kin.

he slurped and licked everything he could, some falling around his chin and down his neck. he could feel how you clenched your thighs around him too as you came, which got him even more excited. you were too much for this man, he couldn't contain himself when he was around you. so, after a few minutes of drinking up your juices he freed himself from your grasp, panting like a dog as he stared at you through lustful eyes. his gaze was like a hungry wolf to a poor sheep, you being the sheep in this scenario. he wanted to devour every bit of you, never let you go until all the meat was consumed off your bones.

though, he needed some help as well.

choso grabbed you by under your armpits and picked you up like it was nothing, ultimately making you gasp and blush at the sheer shock of your boyfriend carrying you around like a ragdoll despite your added weight. that made you curl up in his arms as he carried you to your shared bedroom, laying you down on the bed and going to slide off his soaked boxers. his cock sprang out of its prison and hit above his belly button, making you gulp. no matter how much you had taken his cock, the size still shocked you every time. now it was getting serious.

he crawled onto the bed and in between your legs, hooking them up on his shoulders and lining his tip with your quaking hole. you realized how much weight he was actually putting on his shoulders so you tried to move your legs, but he stopped you by holding your calves tightly. "babe, your legs weigh so much less than what i squat. you're not gonna hurt me," he smiled, you about to respond until he shoved his full length deep inside you, your noises sounding like music to his ears.

the thrusts were slow, deep, appreciative of your tight walls and gushing pussy. he would lean down and kiss your lips, softly massaging your skin as his cockhead kept kissing the tip of your cervix. "such a tight fuckin' pussy, my pussy, holdin' my kids," he groaned into the kiss, you responding with a strained noise as he thrusted particularly deep inside you. you loved the dirty talk, it was so good and it had you clenching around him once again. he sucked in his lips at this, wincing and holding back a groan of pleasure.

after a minute of this however, he started to drive inside you a bit faster. you of course didn't complain, you were starting to get close to your 2nd orgasm. choso wasn't close however, despite how much pre-cum was leaking inside you. he wanted to make you cum so many times, splash your insides white with his seed and make you a mother of his children. so, a rough finger pad went to your clit, rubbing it to the speed of his thrusts, which slowly increased with time.

the noise that escaped you was pitiful, making choso's mind churn with thoughts of wanting to just impregnate you so deep that you would be pregnant with triplets, quadruplets even. he looked down at your face, god you were beautiful. lashes fluttering, thick long braids splayed all over the pillow, chocolate brown skin covered in a thin layer of sweat from the pure sex you two were having. he loved how hot you looked like this, your loud moans echoing throughout the room fueling him to go faster.

choso kept your legs up as his heavy balls slammed against your ass, the claps getting louder and louder with each thrust. they were soft yet so aggressive, like something had possessed him to just give it to you dirty. but, you didn't have a single ounce of a complaint, he always did you so right because he knew just how to please you, no other man could.

you were getting closer by the second, his rough thrusts and his fast rubs on your clit were sending you higher and higher. he knew this so he kept going, giving it to you exactly how you wanted it. he praises never stopped though, he kept making you feel good, physically and mentally.

"god, such a good pussy, and just f'me." "such a pretty girl with pretty moans, would make a good mother of my kids." "good girl baby... just keep going back on me like that."

his lips never stopped moving, which was very rare during sex. he wasn't very talkative but he was very vocal, voicing to you every noise you made him express due to you and your wonderful body. it turned you on even more, how much he was talking to you and how good he could talk to you. it had you clenching around him harder, throwing your head back and creaming his cock for the second time that night. he bit his lip and rocked his hips through your orgasm, making your noises grow and grow until they died down.

you didn't even notice choso stall inside you until his cum started to pour into you, thick creamy globs pumping inside you for almost a minute. he groaned and leaned down, panting into your neck as he finished in you. "godddd baby, pussy milkin' me dry, fuck," he moaned, you holding his back and marking it with your nails as he finished.

-----------

after your session was finished (it took all night) you were held in his arms, none of you asleep as your company was enough to keep you awake. however, your boyfriend got a little sneaky idea, so he sat up with you in his arms and looked down at you. "babe, come with me to my art room," he said, not letting you decide as he picked you up, walking over to the art room that was all the way near the garage and into the room next to the garage door.

he sat you down on a chair he had in the room, it was covered in dried paint but it was also covered by a clean towel. he went over to his potter lathe and cleaned it off with a piece of leftover wood he had from a previous project of his. you were confused as to why he was currently setting up his wheel but you didn't question it, you learned that the first year you two were together. also, heads up, but you were both naked and he didn't have anything to wipe his hands off with. but, he had a sink in the room as well, since it was an old bathroom before he revamped it but kept the sink.

he grabbed some clay from on his shelf that he had let sit for almost a week, using his strength to slice it up and smash together. he continued this until he had the perfect amount/consistency, looking back at you with a sweaty face. "baby, can you spread your legs just a little? for this next piece i want it to be inspired by you and how good you look with my kin spilling out of you," he remarked oh so nonchalantly, making you blush extremely but you obliged nonetheless. he smiled and started up his lathe, wetting the clay just a little first before starting to sculpt.

it took a good few hours to get every meticulous crease, every indent and every curve on your gorgeous body and you didn't have to do much but just sit there. the chair had a back so you were fairly comfortable, so you fell asleep in a little under thirty minutes. that was more than enough for him to be able to manipulate your body and turn you every which way he oh so desired.

the piece was done in under three hours to get your exact body shape, the clay in your exact shade of skin tone and he had to carefully take it off the wheel before getting a blow dryer and drying it manually. after it dried he got his little knife and cut all the pieces to get every detail of your body as an exact replica. while you were asleep, he softly grabbed your body to see what he was missing, getting every piece down until it was completed.

when he had finished, it was over five hours worth of work he had done just for you. he would keep this replica of you in his office as a reminder of you, a reminder of how beautiful you were to him and how your body was even better. he let the clay dry as he washed his hands off, drying them with a towel he had left in here before picking you up, carrying you to your shared bed.

he laid you down and laid down right next to you, cradling you in his arms before falling asleep, safe and sound.

"choso, why the fuck is there a replica of me in your art room with your cum comin' out of me?"

"it was a surprise, you weren't supposed to know..."

"surprise for who?"

"...me."

"CHOSO!"

© gg 2023. dividers were made by me. do not steal, use, or repost my work without my consent. reblogging/interaction is welcomed.

[aquarelliwrites]

Go For Broke, Chapter 1: First Loser, Second Loser

the Monaco 2022 Grand Prix weekend retold. // series masterlist

Picture the Monaco riviera on a Thursday morning. Mechanics buzzing around cars and stacks of tyres, reporters and photographers streaming in through the gates, and a Ferrari driver sitting squeezed between the pit wall monitors and the wall on the second story of her garage. A thick pane of glass muffling the chatter and racket growing louder by the minute.

Away from the overwhelming sea of rich tourists, camera lenses and microphones, sleep clawed at the edges of her vision and the cobwebbed peripheral hallways of her mind. The iced coffee and half-eaten pastry on the floor next to her weren’t doing a good job of holding it back on their own.

A long, quiet stanza shattered with the note of a simple “Ciao.” 

“Fuck!” Her hand came up sharply - to punch her teammate in the face, or rest over her heart to calm it? She couldn’t know.

“Wouldn’t have pinned you for fight, puzzone. You seem more like a flight type of person.” He - Charles - laughed, fiddling with the vlog camera in his right hand. “Good morning, by the way.”

“Good morning, my ass. Gave me the scare of my life just now.”

The liar grinned. “I’m terribly sorry.”

“Sure. What are you doing up here, anyway?” Giving the floor right next to her a little pat, she prompted him to sit down and join her behind the wall of computers. It’s not like anyone was there to tell them they were in the way.

“I’m recording a behind-the-scenes vlog this weekend. This seemed like a good place to get some aerial footage, but I was going to go up to the terrace as well, to see which was better.” His answer was enthusiastic, and she smiled and nodded as he continued to talk about his camera specs and when the lighting on track should be the best. Alas, it didn’t distract him as well as she’d hoped. “Why are you sleeping up here?”

“I couldn’t sleep very well last night.” Understatement of the century. The heels of her palms rubbed her eyes in a vague attempt to somehow rectify an entire night’s worth of tossing and turning.

“How come?” Finally setting his camera down, he glanced back at her. “Oh, you smudged your, um..”

“Eye pencil? Of course I did.” With a sigh too deep to be indicating exclusively frustration over her messed-up makeup, she swiped whatever smudges she could from her under eyes. “I don’t know. At first, everything was too loud. Then it got too quiet, so I had to put on music. Then it was too hot, then too cold. I think I also spent a while staring at the ceiling.” And crying. That part went unsaid, though. “I’m just a bit nervous about the weekend, I think.” 

Did she say ‘understatement of the century’ earlier? She was fairly sure this beat the record. It was a miracle she'd managed to keep down the few bites she did.

He grimaced slightly, extended his hand to hold hers, gave it a slight squeeze even. “I’m sorry. I’m sure you’ll do well.”

“No worries. Not your fault, monello.”

A smile reappeared on his face at the childish nickname. “Come on, you’re the only one of us who actually likes media day.”

“Yeah, I guess.” She managed a small smile. Now that she was distracted, he managed to swipe the rest of her pastry - not without earning a slap to the wrist in the process.

“Hey!”

“You weren’t eating it!” He yells in complete defense of his actions. Had she been actually hungry, she might have killed him then and there. 

“It’s fine. I was done with it.”

Media didn't suck as much as she expected it to. Not that it usually did.

There were the ever-present questions, of course. It was a mental checklist, maybe bingo card, every week: 

Are she and Charles dating? (No.)

How does it feel to be the first woman in Formula 1 since Lella Lombardi to score points? (Good, but there should have been women before her.)

Which brands of haircare or skincare did she use? (Lots, but what did it matter when she wore a helmet most of the time?)

Does she feel like she can keep up with the rest of the grid? (This one usually just received a blank stare until the interviewer got too uncomfortable to wait for an answer.)

Was it sad that she got excited to actually talk about the car she'd be driving? Incredibly.

The rest of the interviews were crammed full of hopes that Charles would finally do well, that the team would do well as a whole, that- well, you get the point.

Minutes later, the photographers that managed to walk out first got treated to a great shot of supposedly sworn enemies - two Ferrari drivers and two Red Bull Racing drivers - standing near the exit of the media pen and watching reporters file out.

Chatting with Sergio - Checo, she and everybody else called him - was the best way to spend the, seemingly, geological eon Charles and Max took to debrief each other about… well, about everything. Those guys didn't talk all that much outside of the paddock, and they were practically neighbors. It's weird.

She always found Checo more approachable, anyway. Whenever she even walked past his Dutch teammate, she could practically feel his icy gaze shooting daggers through her. If looks could kill, she'd have died a hundred times over.

Not that she didn't return the glares - she found it quite enjoyable to produce a staring contest out of thin air, and it would usually end up with him looking away, the slightest of unnoticed blushes settling upon the tips of his ears.

Today, Checo had a delightful surprise - a guy on Twitter doing imitations of F1-related personalities. She laughed along at the stuttering blunders of Will Buxton and the monotone accented voice resembling Checo's uncannily, and even the one of Max struggling to open a can of Red Bull and swearing profusely upon receiving radio instructions, but what really got her to look aghast was the next impression. Of her.

“Come on, that's no girl voice!” She was sure they were attracting attention with their laughter, since their teammates both looked over in confusion. “He sounds like he inhaled helium!”

“No, no, he sounds correct to me.” Checo faux-wiped a tear from his eye.

“It absolutely does not!”

“Here, Charles, Max, take a look at this.” They complied - and unfortunately, did not agree with her.

“I don't know, that pretty much sounds like you. Whenever I hear you speak it's like a caffeinated chipmunk squeaking at me all angrily.” Max laughed, and she felt blood rush up to her face, embarrassment and anger mixing dangerously.

“I don't know, Verstappen, you not being able to open a can of Red Bull on your own also seemed fairly accurate.” Her sweet tone did nothing to disguise the way the words dripped with acid. He grimaced like they actually burned.

“Sorry, schat, my mistake. Truly, will you ever forgive me?” He turned away - to speak with her teammate once more. 

The guy was fucking insufferable. And the nicknames he gave her only fueled a desire to crush him out on the track. What the hell did schat even mean?

Charles squinted behind his sunglasses. “What in the fresh hell are they doing?” 

A long, obnoxiously loud slurp identical to that of a nearly empty plastic cup that used to store iced coffee sounded off from next to him. “Will you stop that?” He huffed a laugh.

“Stop what?” The second slurp managed to sound more ear-grating than the first. He wasn't sure how that was possible.

“Just… look over there, right?”

The pair stood on the third-story terrace of the Ferrari garage - a feature unique to the Monaco race - and stared out into the harbor. The Red Bull Energy Station was a raft, and it was huge, so the commotion near their swimming pool was easily visible to anyone higher than the second floor.

“That's Max and Checo, Charles.”

“No, idiot, I know that. Look at what they're doing.” He gestured, exasperated, so she cocked a hip and leaned forward over the railing to get a better look.

“They're putting rubber ducks in the pool. Or just a bunch of…” she squinted as well, “tiny yellow blobs. I’m guessing ducks, though?”

“I'm at a loss for words.”

“Charles, you are so dramatic. They just had me blindfold you to drive a sim lap in Imola a couple of weeks ago.”

“That's different.”

“We've done shit more insane than releasing a couple dozen yellow duckies into a pool.”

“Okay, and?

They observe as Max seems to… fish one out of water? A couple of moments later, he's speaking to someone on the phone, and Checo looks like he'll burst if he doesn't let go of his laughter.

“This has to be for the YouTube channel, right?” She half-turned to him to see the confusion and disbelief visible all over his face.

“Definitely. Max wouldn't agree to do that if it wasn't some sort of PR.”

“Okay, loverboy.” His encyclopedic knowledge of Max would annoy her to death if she didn't know every fact she could dig up about him. Some would call it obsessive - she'd just explain it as studying her rival's weaknesses. 

“What did you say?”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Okay, see, he just looks like he's crying again!” Charles’ voice raised a little.

“I don't understand why you're so worked up over this.” It was his turn to observe his teammate's nonchalant, if a little curious, exterior.

“You're- ugh. Whatever. Now he's just calling someone again.”

“Oh, to be a fly on that deck. I'd kill to know what Checo was laughing at.” With a final slurp, she rediscovered one last sip of her drink that had missed her entirely.

“Ooh, be careful.” His voice was laced with a teasing undertone behind her.

She shot Charles a confused look.

It's Friday now, and all their successful data gathering in both practice sessions earned them the privilege - she'd beg to differ - of an ice bath. She's tried and failed to kick, scream, and claw her way out of them (metaphorically, of course) before.

It was, however, a relief to finally get to take her hoodie off. It had been sensible clothing mere hours earlier, but it was positively stifling then. She let out a dramatic gasp at the freedom of weather-appropriate attire.

“What do you mean?”

“Getting changed? In front of everyone? What will the media think?” His voice was nothing but crystal clear sarcasm, with his face distorted in an expression of faux disapproval. “Scandalous. I thought I taught you better.”

A puzzled laugh escaped her. “Wh-? Why the hell are you shaking your head at me? I have a top on.” She gestured to the, realistically, fairly modest swimsuit top on herself.

“Did you even think of the poor engineers who will be so distracted from working on our cars?” 

The level of this man's theatricality was show-stopping and infuriating simultaneously. “Charles. Darling.”

“Hm?”

“You were literally flashing your tits to, oh, I don't know, about… what, half the paddock? And thousands of SkyTV viewers? Like, ten minutes ago?”

“What? Me? I could never.” He even did a pearl-clutching motion at the very implication. She rolled her eyes.

“You are literally wearing less clothing than me right now. Like, if you turn around, you'll count approximately… two dozen Paddock Club girls drooling over your biceps as we speak.”

“No… Well, touché. They want us in the tubs now, though.”

“That's- yes, why else did you think I was undressing?”

“You can never know with you.”

She rolled up the towel in her hand in order to smack him as hard as she could, but he only laughed. “Prick.”

The ice bath was terrible. Awful. She wished she could be poetic and compare it to a breath of winter's night, or a fireless hearth - that would not do it justice. Plunging into the tub was the ninth circle of hell, with Dante and Virgil observing her slow and painful eternal fate.

The media people were having a field day with Charles. She didn't know how he managed to keep his composure enough to let them film thirst traps.

“Fuck me, this is miserable.” Her teeth were chattering so hard that she thought her lower jaw would soon start creaking on its hinges from the motion. She watched the goosebumps blooming all over her thighs and arms. And Charles was fucking laughing, the bastard.

“Mon dieu, I don't know what I did to wrong you,” she uttered through gritted teeth towards the sky, “but I swear never to do it again.”

The sky, of course, didn't respond. Her teammate thought it was a good time to pipe up, though.

“You took me out two years ago, in Alfa Romeo. This is karma.”

Her head snapped towards him, if only to lower her sunglasses and glare at him over the tops of the frames. He didn't bother looking up from checking his fingernails.

“That wasn't even my fault- Fuck, this is so cold.”

When the Ferrari social media girl let her know she'd start filming her then, the only thing she could do is nod curtly, jaw clenched.

“How are you feeling after FP1 and FP2?”

“Very… very positive about the weekend.” If nothing else, every single muscle in her body seizing at the freezing water might finally be the thing to give her better abs.

“And how are you feeling?”

“What, right now?” The girl nodded. “Arguably worse than before I got in. I'll be loving it when I get out in- when can I get out?” 

The small gaggle of Ferrari employees around her laughed. “Oh, yes, hilarious, I bet.” 

“Ah, you're being dramatic now. It's not a duck's cold.” His badly translated French idiom forced a small smile onto her face. Both of them being multilingual more often than not meant one of them being stared at in confusion over a poor choice of words that got mistranslated on its way over their tongue. 

“I'm just saying, it's a perfectly pleasant and sunny day. I don't understand what need there was for a plastic tub colder than a Siberian lake?”

An ice cube hit her head. Her glare only made Charles smile sweetly.

“If I wasn't under threat of all of Monaco skinning me alive at any harm done to you, I'd throttle you right now.”

He blew her a kiss. Bitch.

Champagne bubbled past her lips on the second step that Sunday. It was a Red Bull 1-3, with an incredibly disappointed Charles down in P4. She only managed to spot his melancholic expression down in the crowd of navy and red when the Mexican anthem was playing its last notes. 

The race was a spectacle by Monaco standards - an incredible 21 overtakes and a fight for P2 for the entire duration. She had barely managed to drag the Ferrari over the finish line on mediums so torn up, they might have punctured on the following lap. Really, she was just counting her lucky stars.

She blinked rapidly, wiping alcohol from her eyes. Or was it still sweat from the race? Taking a long drag from the bottle seemed to cool her down enough. Checo was chatting with Max, both of them soaked just like her. She was delighted at his win, and happier more when she realized she beat Max. A smile grew on her face uncontrollably at the thought of the way she practically skipped past the third step and straight into second place - his eyes burning holes in the side of her head the entire time. If looks could kill, they’d be cleaning her dead body off the floor before any trophies could even be handed out.

Had she glared back at him, he’d have turned his head abruptly to avoid notice.

To be entirely honest, she wasn’t even sure when a rivalry between them began to form. They never karted together - maybe she only saw him a couple of times when she was very young and he was in a category above hers. While he had skipped F2 altogether and left Charles his F3 seat, she was still fighting through regional F4 championships. When she was in Alfa Romeo with Kimi in 2020, he was already winning with Red Bull.

Maybe she had grown tired of the news of his wins; or he had had it with her successfully playing the media darling; or both of them started growing abrasive every time the other flaunted a better result as proudly as a championship win.

To put it shortly: If the two of them were involved, it tended to be tense.

Flashing Max a proud and mocking grin from behind Checo’s back only resulted in a scoff and a roll of his eyes. Or at least she guessed - the champagne stuck to her lashes made her vision a kaleidoscope a little more than she would’ve liked.

After they had their picture taken, she gathered her trophy against her hip and the open bottle limply in her other hand. Had she walked off the podium any faster than she did, she wouldn’t have caught his muttering.

“You always have to one-up everyone, huh?”

“Not everyone.” She smiled, sweetly. “Just you.”

“Aw, I’m honored.” He spoke in a tone that was anything but honored. “You only try so hard to keep up with me, schat?” Again with the ridiculous nickname. Was he calling her shit?

“In your dreams, Verstappen. S’not my fault I’m just so naturally talented, and you’re… you. You know?” Anyone who heard her dry reply might have doubted she even believed the praise she threw at herself. Except Max.

“Was it natural talent when-”

“Alright, children, enough.” Checo’s arms came around both of their shoulders as he led them off the podium. “Kid, do you want to come to the energy station- Max, don’t look at me like that- do you want to come watch the pool dive? Horner said he might wear a… what’s it called? The swimming underwear?”

“Um, Speedos?”

“Yes!” The snap of his fingers rang behind her right ear. “A Union Jack Speedo.” 

“That’s… supposed to be enticing?”

He shrugged, letting go of both of them now that the trio was away from cameras. Max left immediately. “Invite Charles. I’ll see if I can get any other drivers to come.”

“Me and Charles? I thought we were practically Public Enemies #1 and #2 over there?”

“Ah, well… yes. Maybe don’t come in red.”

“Incredibly helpful as always, Checo.”

Raising his pointer finger at her, he looked more like a dad than ever before. “Don’t give me that tone.” He received only a sly grin and an eyeroll.

“Any plans for tonight?”

“You’ll see it in the groupchat.”

The Red Bull Energy Station ended up looking more like a millionaire’s- no, billionaire’s college pool party that afternoon, with more and more people filtering in by the minute.

In a show of solidarity towards her teammate, she had stolen the P2 champagne for him and herself to share in a walk around the marina. Already, they observed yacht owners getting ready for the afterparty of the year all around them.

“You look surprisingly somber.” He said after a long silence. 

She simply took a long swig of lukewarm alcohol to avoid answering.

“Are you-” He stopped. Hesitated. “Is- Um, how are you doing?”

“Good.” A response typical for someone who most definitely was not good. “Very good.”

“Are you su-”

“Y’know, I’m very excited for tonight. I don’t get to party it up in Monaco much.” Cutting him off looked to be the best option right then. “Last year was more chill.”

“...Yes, we went for a picnic up to that viewpoint with Charlotte and… who were you dating then?”

“Oh, Antonio? I wasn’t serious with him.”

“Oh?” He gratefully took the bottle when she offered it. “I thought you were.”

“It’s hard to be. You of all people should know how the media reacts to our relationships.” Among other things.

Having not even realized it, they were now standing before the Red Bull hospitality - if that was a correct term for the frat raft it appeared to be.

“Shall we?” He said. She swallowed.

“Might as well.”

To be fair, the deck was comfortable. And loud. Incredibly loud. They were offered Red Bulls - which they accepted, as they weren’t, y’know, animals. In a few minutes, she found herself sitting on the railing to get a better look over everybody else’s heads, while he leaned against it right next to her. 

And to her mixed disappointment and relief, Christian Horner did not wear a Union Jack Speedo while jumping into the pool. He didn’t even jump - Max shoved him in after Checo.

The little party went on for a little while, but her social battery was dying and relying on Charles’ charms didn’t work as well as she’d hoped. When she announced her decision to leave to him, he agreed quickly, still carrying her souvenir bottle for her.

Unfortunately for them, nobody else had. The crowd was still there, much like a great number of immovable concrete walls, and they struggled to make their way to the stairs. Charles, being a bit taller and more broad-shouldered, went first in an attempt to push his way through. She, however, got separated fairly easily and had little control in being accidentally herded to the pool’s edge like cattle.

“Hey, wait-” Someone she had no time to see collided with her, sending her right into the water.

Or they would have, if her arm wasn’t abruptly grabbed by the most irritating, bothersome individual who she could have possibly crossed paths with at that moment.

He had an annoyed look in his eyes. “Watch it.”

“...Thank you.” It was painful for her dignity to say while he pulled her back to a standing position. Not waiting for a response, she hurried after Charles.

And left Max standing alone in the crowd. 

NOTE: Honestly, I'm not that happy with this but I am glad that I finally got it out. Slightly anticlimatic for a first chapter? Yeah, nothing I can do about that now. Also this wasn't beta read, sorry for the mistakes you were forced to endure lol

TAGLIST: @falk0r3

Liked this? Check out my masterlist!

[pipsipey17]

it's part of the job | chapter 2: poisson rouge.

ceo!dom!natasha romanoff x assistant!bot!fem!reader

series masterlist | main masterlist

chapter summary: a night at the bar with your cousin is something you needed to distract yourself, or is it?

chapter warnings: idk, jealousy?

previous chapter • next chapter

“I missed you.” Wanda said to Natasha after they broke the kiss, “You’ve been so busy these past few days, we don’t even get to go out anymore.” 

“Yeah well, the company won’t run itself you know?” Natasha said as she sat back down and started to work on her computer once again, leaving Wanda standing beside her. 

“You should take a break from work baby, you might overwork yourself.”

Natasha sighed deeply, they just made up this morning after fighting for what seems to be the third time this week but she really is busy, “I can’t, I still have a lot of things to do.” 

“I know that you’re busy, you always are, but can we please just go out for lunch or something?” Wanda asked her wife.

“I’m really sorry Wanda, but I really can’t.” Natasha replied which made Wanda huff out in annoyance, “You know what, fine. I’ve always been your second priority after all.” Wanda lastly said as she walked out of Natasha’s office and slammed the door shut. Natasha groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose trying to keep her composure.  

You were working on your desk when you suddenly saw your boss’ wife walking very quickly out of the room with a look that seemed to be like she’s angry but she was also about to cry. You sighed, realizing that they probably fought again, it wasn’t new to you though, almost everytime when Wanda would visit they would end up fighting. 

Your phone suddenly rang making you snap out of your deep thoughts, you looked at the caller ID and saw that it was your cousin Meg who was calling, “Hey Y/N! Wanna go to the bar later?” Meg immediately said when you picked up the phone. 

“Don’t you have final exams to study for?” You asked. 

“Yeah but I just finished studying for all of them and I decided that I could go for a drink before taking my exams you know?” 

You went silent for a few moments. You thought that you could use a drink or two, since it’s been a while since you last had one. You could also use a distraction from your attraction towards your married boss by flirting with other girls at the bar, “Alright, sure, I’d love to.” you replied which made Meg squeal in joy, “Great! I’ll see you later.” she said then she ended the call.

~~~

“Hey Meg!” you greeted as you saw your cousin rushing up to you and then hugging you. 

“Hi Y/n, ready to get wasted?” Meg said as she wiggled her eyebrows at you. 

“Hell yeah, but not so much, I have to go to work tomorrow since you won’t be able to.” You said.

Meg rolled her eyes and said, “You’re such a workaholic, can’t you at least have some fun tonight?” 

You sighed in defeat, “Fine, just don’t get too wasted, I'm not going to drag your ass back to your apartment.” you replied then Meg smiled at you, “Alright, let’s go.” 

A few moments later, you and Meg were hanging out by the bar since Meg thought that the bartender was kind of cute. The three of you continued to chat until you saw a familiar figure across the bar, red hair that was curled at the end (think of her hair in Civil War) plump lips, sharp yet somehow round jawline- oh no, it couldn’t be her right? You shook your head and looked at the same redhead who was now looking at you, you held eye contact for a good 5 seconds until you immediately looked away. 

It was definitely her.

You would steal a few glances every now and then and when you do, your eyes would meet hers everytime, like her eyes never leave your body even just for a second. It made you feel uneasy since she is your boss and you’re seeing her outside of work, but at the same time, it turned you on. 

“Do you know her?” her sister, Yelena asked as they were sitting at a soft chair while drinking some beer and champagne. 

Natasha asked her sister out to have a drink with her because she just wanted to loosen up a little from all the stress that she was having from her work and her broken marriage but also the feelings that she has for you that are buried deep down within her. 

Natasha drank from her glass, “W-what? Who?” she asked. 

“That chick over there by the bar, you have been staring at her for a good few minutes.” 

“N-no, I just thought she looked like someone I know.” Natasha lied to hopefully stop the topic at that. 

“Shame, cause if you did I would ask you to introduce me to her.” Yelena said which made Natasha grip her wine glass a bit tighter, feeling her jealousy starting to rise.  

Yelena cleared her throat after she finished her bottle of beer, “So, marriage problems again?” she asked and Natasha nodded in response then replied, “We have been fighting constantly these past few weeks.” 

“About what?” Yelena asked again. 

Natasha leaned back to her seat and sighed, “It’s just always been two things, it’s either we fight about how we don’t spend time together anymore or she accuses me of having an affair.” 

Yelena hummed in response, “But do you?” she asked hesitantly.

Natasha raised a brow at her sister, “Do I what?”

“Have an affair.” Yelena simply replied.

Natasha scoffed, “Of course not, Lena. I’m loyal to my wife through the ups and downs of our relationship and I love her.” She hesitantly said the last part because of her growing feelings for you. 

“Hey, care for a drink?” You suddenly heard a woman speak as you were busy scrolling through your phone. You made eye contact with the woman then looked at her from head to toe, she had brunette colored hair that was until her shoulders, brown eyes and a slender figure, she’s gorgeous but not as gorgeous as your boss- No, you shouldn’t be thinking of her right now, think of the woman in front of you. You shook your head trying to clear your thoughts of the redheaded woman. 

“Sure.” you replied to her then the woman ordered two shots of vodka, she handed you a shot glass then you clinked your shot glasses together and drank it.

“I’m Maria by the way, just in case you might scream it later.” she said with a wink.

“Oh, I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” You flirted back, “The name’s Y/n by the way since it might be you who will be screaming later.” You said to her with a smirk on your face. You honestly don’t know where your boldness came from but it could be from the alcohol.

Maria started caressing your thigh and said, “How about we test that theory now? I live nearby.” her lips were now close to your ear, “You might want to take care of your friend first, I’ll wait for you outside.” she lastly said then started to walk out of the club. 

Once Maria was out of sight, your eyes immediately searched for the redheaded woman but she was nowhere in sight, she must’ve headed home since there was work the next morning.

You faced Meg who looks a bit tipsy but not drunk she’s still busy flirting with the bartender so you nudged her arm making her look at you. “Hey, I gotta go, someone’s waiting for me.“ you said to her in a bit of a hurry. 

“Okay then, I’ll be staying here for a while longer.” Meg replied

“I should call you a cab-” The bartender suddenly chimed in, “Don’t worry about her, I can drive her home.”

As much as you wanted to trust the guy, your trust issues kicked in, “Why should I trust you?” You ask him. 

“You can trust me ma’am, in fact, I can give you my calling card if that’s what it takes for you to trust me.” The bartender replied then he handed you his calling card, “Sam Wilson, bodyguard and a part-time bartender.” you read out loud.

You eyed him head to toe, he does seem like a bodyguard because of his bodybuild and you just hope to God that he’s saying the truth, “Alright, Sam I trust you, not fully but you get the point. If something happens to my cousin you’re dead to me, got it?” you said to him threateningly. 

“Yes ma’am,” Sam simply replied, then you nodded and walked out of the club.

“Took you long enough.” Maria said to you the moment she saw you step out of the club, she was lightly seated on a black motorcycle which is probably hers 

“Sorry about that,” you said to her but then you felt eyes on you, it gave you chills but you ignored it.

Maria got onto her motorcycle then you followed suit, sitting behind her. Your arms were wrapped around her waist and speeded off. 

Little did you know, a certain redhead saw the whole scene unfold in front of her. Even back at the club when the woman approached you and got all flirty with you, she hated seeing it, it made her jealousy boil. But what made her jealous even more was when she saw you leave with the same woman who approached you at the bar. 

Natasha has to make her move sooner or later if she wants to claim you and she’s going to do whatever it takes for her to fully have you.

[0-r-a-y-0]

Overwhelming— Romantic #17

In which: Nick is stressed out with editing and getting closer to going on tour again, Jasper forces him to take a break

This is my oldest draft. I’m so happy I get to finally post it 😭😭 also posted twice in one night 😱😱

Hours after hours, Nick had been staring at his laptop. His headphones plugging into his ears with Melanie Martinez and Doja Cat blasting as he went through and edited videos and created thumbnails; as well as respond to emails. They were about to go on tour again soon, and Nick didn’t want to be editing while sitting on a tour bus. So if he got it all done now, he’d only have to worry about traveling and meeting fans.

But there was a downside to this. He had no time to spend with his boyfriend and brothers since he’s been stuck in his room since he made that decision. Matt and Chris barely see him in the house and he doesn’t remember the last time he talked to Jasper. He felt so stressed and overwhelmed but he didn’t know what to do to relief that stress. And he didn’t know how much longer he could go until he broke.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his phone light up but he doesn’t care to check it, even though he knows who it is. He sighs, turning his music up louder and getting back to work, focusing ten times harder than he did a second ago.

Without Nick being aware, his bedroom door opens and Jasper slips through. He sees him working and can hear the music through his headphones. He sits next to him and taps Nick on the shoulder, causing him to jump and rip of his headphones off.

“Fuck! You scared the shit out of me!” Nick yells, his hand on his chest.

“You’re still editing?” Jasper asked, laying on his side, his arm propping him up.

“Yeah, I think I’m almost done though. I only have like five videos left.” He answers.

“Hun, you need a break. Your brothers told me you haven’t left your room in days.” The curly haired boy stated.

“That’s not even true. I left like…” Nick trails off to check the time. “Five hours ago to get a snack.”

“Baby, that’s not right. You’ve been working your ass off. Take a break.” Jasper says.

“I can’t. Tour is coming up in two weeks and I need to get everything done so I’m not worn out while I’m meeting fans and performing.” The redhead replies.

“Hun, you have two weeks. A little break isn’t going to affect anything. But if you’re nonstop working, you’re mental health is going to be horrible and you’ll be Murder able during tour, and that’s when you’re supposed to have fun.”

“I know I’m supposed to have fun but I’ll be stressed about this until it’s done and—”

“Nope. No more of that bullshit. You’re breaking out right above your nose and you know what that means when you break out there? It means you’re stressed. And I know you’re overwhelmed because there’s no pimple patches on your face.” Jasper claims. “And you look so tired, baby.”

“Honey, I’m fine. It’s nothing to worry about. How about I finish these five videos and then we can destress or whatever you want to do.” Nick suggested.

“No. We’re doing it now. Everything is so overwhelming for you right now and you need a minute to take a breather.” He confirms. “Shut your computer and put it away.”

Nick sighs, but doing what he’s told. “Good. Okay, now let’s get some food.” Jasper says, pulling him out of bed.

They decide to make Mac n cheese, well Jasper makes it, Nick sits down at the table with his head down. He’s tired, mentally and physically, and he is ready to take a break.

Jasper feeds Nick at the table since he started complaint about how his fingers are beginning to hurt from typing and editing for hours on end. Which, Nick thought it was ridiculous for him to get fed but he wasn’t going to complain about it.

After they eat, they go up to Nick’s room again, where they lay down and watch some of his favorite movies.

“You’re tense.” Jasper comments, rubbing Nick’s shoulder.

“I mean, I guess.” The redhead shrugs like it’s nothing.

“Take your shirt off and lay on your stomach.” He says.

“What?” Nick asked.

“Just do it!” Jasper says.

“Fine.” He replied, sitting up and pulling his shirt off and laying down.

Jasper gets on top of him, rubbing and kneading his shoulders. “Are you giving me a massage?” Nick asked, only to be shushed by Jasper.

“Yes, now be quiet and let me do it! It isn’t helpful if you talk.” He claims, twisting his hair before going back to massaging his shoulders.

Jasper goes on to massage his whole body, his shoulders, then the rest of his arms, his neck and then his back. Minus the low groans and whimpers from satisfaction, Nick stayed mostly silent.

After they’re done, Nick throws his shirt back on and lays down in his bed, feeling more refreshed then ever. “When did you learn how to give massages?” He asked.

“My mom used to give me massages all the time. Like twice a month or something.” Jasper replied, laying beside him and playing with his hair.

“That’s cool. Your mom is cool.” Nick yawns, sinking into his pillow. “I’m tired.”

“I bet you are. Go to sleep, darling, I’m right here.” He tells him, rubbing his cheek.

And with night, Nick drifts off, feeling relaxed and no longer stressed.

[ltleflrt]

Why can home repairs never go smoothly?

So the heat control handle on my kitchen sink broke. We bought a new faucet and couldn't install it cuz the old one had so much calcification that we couldn't get it out. So we decide to call a plumber to do it, and to fix our water heater too because for the last year it hasn't been keeping a consistent temperature. Two birds, one stone, etc.

So they come out to look first, and discover that there's a valve in my basement, right behind our computers, that is old and also needs to be replaced. Ok, three birds, one stone.

In the process of troubleshooting the water heater, the guy turned up the heat to see if it gives an error while heating up, and he forgot to turn it down before he left, so it overheated and blew the valve that was faulty already, but now it just constantly leaked water and flooded the room it's in. It's the room with the basement drain, so it's draining, but extremely slowly. So we turn off all the water until the next day when they come to do the actual work.

They're 3 hours late because they were working on a house that was actively flooding. By all means, fix them first. But it's 7:30 by the time they show up.

They have to saw out the old faucet. It takes hours. It fucks up the porcelain coating in some places. I should have just gotten the whole ass new sink I was considering. Oh well.

They fix the water heater, and I ask if they can snake the drain. They don't have one with them. Ok plumbers.

Since it is now almost 10pm and we have to work the next day, we ask them to come back later in the week to replace the rusty valve, since it's not actively a problem.

That was Tuesday. In the meantime we discover they didn't shut the water heater valve all the way, so it's slow leaking, and the drain is too clogged to keep up with it. Mike closes that, and stops the leak. We decide to ask the plumbers to snake the drain when they come back Friday.

Mike has an appointment Friday afternoon when the plumbers are scheduled to come, and he says he's going to stop at Lowe's to get a snake so we can do it ourselves, so I don't ask the plumbers to do it.

Everything seems fine after they replace the valve in the wall, and they leave. The floor got wet around it, so we put a fan on it to dry the carpet over night.

Mike discovers that the snake he bought won't work. The end is too big to fit through the drain cover so we're going to have to call the plumbers back, but we'll do it in the morning.

This morning I go downstairs to check the carpet, and it's still just as wet as it was.

The new valve is leaking.

For fucks sake.

[bellybiologist]

Tallying up the Year

I hope you guys' december (which is almost over already, wtf) is going/has gone well! 2024 is upon us.

This christmas weekend, I mostly found myself thinking about how this year went, and honestly? despite all the things I haven't gotten to do, I still managed to accomplish quite a lot.

Me typing this rambly post out is less anything anyone needs to read, but more to remind myself of Things That Got Done™ than anything else because sometimes... I forget I do be getting shit done! And it's important we remind ourselves of the work we do.

The Things That got Done™

I advocated for my own Health. I scheduled (and went to!) so many doctor and dental appointments this year, holy shit. But, if the last few years have taught me anything, I simply have to put in the effort. I got my colon mostly sorted out, started a new regimen for my skin and hair (after chopping it off) so I'm feeling better, schedule an appointment with the optometrist in January, and even got lots of issues with my teeth fixed. Granted, our broken medical system made it incredibly stressful, and i spent thousands of dollars on the latter that I will be paying off til next july BUT!!!! This section is about the good things.

Started Streaming Again! I've been missing streaming since I stopped way back in I believe 2020. It was a fun way to interact with followers and supporters, so I'm glad I'm back to it on a regular schedule, with many of the old regulars still joining me while I work. Speaking of which:

I finished 43 total stream doodles. While I'm only filling a handful a month, it's definitely adding up! 40+ boys in the span of 5 months is nothing to scoff at, and that's not even considering that I'm doing this alongside normal patreon work.

I finished 39 total commissions this year. I'm definitely still going quite slowly, and I thank everyone who has been extraordinarily patient thus far, but I'm happy to say that my pace has been decent... at least relative to previous years. I got more done in the last 5 months than i did in the roughly year and a half period before 2023!

Replaced SEVERAL appliances that broke down. My computer moniter, my microwave, my refrigerator... all failed on my this year, and it took some work, but I finally managed to get them all replaced! So far, everything is working fine, but next on my agenda is to save up for a new desktop. This one I use for work has been at it since 2017, and it's about time to look into upgrading.

My Google Drive is Looking Nice. It's still not perfect, but I'm still immensely proud of how it's shaping up. There's still some curating of older pieces to do, but I've found a stride where I'm regularly updating it for people to peruse.

=====

Now despite these W's, I still got a long way to go. The things below could be considered resolutions for 2024, but that feels cursed to call them that. They are simply:

Things I Want to GET Done

Adding more YCH Figures. I was definitely expecting to have more to choose from by this point. And I really need to update some of the older ones too, because I think they've aged poorly. I got some neat suggestions and hopefully will find some time this week to showcase them in my discord to collect some feedback before releasing them.

Do more involved pieces/projects. I want to do more things like Comics, or simply pieces that I work on over the course of several sittings, ones where I can experiment and fiddle and practice!!! I rarely ever get to do that these days (I've only finished a few Big Personal Pieces this year), and I need to find time and energy to do them more because those are the things that truly make me feel like I grow as an artist. (and maybe I can find a shading style I actually fucking tolerate.). I also want to get more OC development and stuff done too, cuz I really didn't draw my children a whole lot this year!

Make more fucking Money!!!!! Let's not kid ourselves. I want to get to a point where I'm not just barely meeting the monthly quota. How to get there? I don't know, honestly. Things are so very stacked against artists right now, so it really does feel like the only thing that can be done is Not Give Up. Which I won't do. If/when I go down, I'm making it everyone else's problem. Trust. 😏

Save up to Visit the Boyfriend. I haven't seen him since January 2022! Big goal is to be comfortable enough to where I can fly my ass up there and smooch him. 👏🏽

======

I won't lie, i'm going into 2024 quite anxious and still scraping by by the skin of my teeth (that I'm still paying for). It's going to be a BIG year cuz oh boy, it's election year, there's plenty of family developments i gotta keep an eye on and work to be a part of... not to mention all the horrible stuff going on still (free palestine!).

Here's hoping shit goes our way this coming year! And let's get ,more strikes going so everyone is getting their fucking money!!! :V

[rinwritesfics]

How (Not) to Heal - Part 8

Plot: After being rescued from Mount Tantiss, Crosshair has to figure out how to work with the Batch again - and their new medic. It would be fine if he didn’t start to fall in love with her.

Warnings: Crosshair is shirtless in this one (injury treatment-related)

Word Count: 1957

Author’s Note: After last week's debacle, I figured out a way around the Tumblr character limit, haha! Also, massive thanks to @fakegingerrights for reading this one over.

Previously - Start Here!

Chapter 8

The Marauder landed back in the cave it started the morning in and Crosshair was the first to get off almost immediately. He’d shoved his helmet on and pretended it wasn’t to hide his emotions. His shoulder ached but he refused to let anyone handle it. He would heal.

Dipping behind the ship and out of range of anyone’s sight, he took off the armor surrounding his left shoulder and moved it around, feeling the pain as he went. But he’d miraculously gotten it back in place earlier.

It had been drilled into them to seek medical attention after a serious injury. He knew letting it heal on its own was a terrible idea with this much pain.

That still didn’t make him want to admit he had been injured.

As an enhanced clone, he’d heal. It would be fine, he’d be fine. He could keep up with that lie.

In fact, for the next couple of hours, he did. Keeping his helmet on helped immensely, even if it got a couple of weird looks from others.

The illusion broke soon thereafter, when he went to raise the box above his head. He yelped, nearly dropping it on himself. Luckily, Hunter was there to steady the weight.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” Crosshair bit out.

Hunter scowled and Crosshair scowled back, even if Hunter couldn’t see it. Before Crosshair could make another move, Hunter grabbed his uninjured arm and dragged him along back into the Marauder.

“Where’s Ka’li?” Hunter asked Echo and Tech at the ship’s main computer.

“Down in the cargo hold organizing supplies,” said Echo, looking bewildered as Hunter let go of his brother. Crosshair tore off his helmet so Hunter could see him seething.

Hunter turned back to Crosshair. “You’re going down there and getting medical attention. We don’t need you injuring yourself further.” Hunter’s voice was stern and Crosshair scowled at his brother until Crosshair began the descent into the cargo hold.

At the bottom, he clutched the injury and considered climbing back up and hiding away again, but it was too late.

“Crosshair?” Ka’li called out, then noticed him touching his shoulder. “Come here, let me look at it.”

He turned away.

“Sit. Now.”

He scowled at her. She scowled back. Finally, he walked over and sat down on a box by her.

“Shoulder. Explain.”

“It’s back in place. Nothing to explain.”

“Wrong. Just because it’s relocated doesn’t mean you can use it in the same way right away. It needs to rest and rehabilitate.”

“I told you, I’m fine!” He stood up and got in her face.

She closed her eyes and took a measured breath. When she reopened them, her gaze was steely. “Fine. If you want to permanently damage your shoulder, then who am I to stop a grown man from doing so?”

She scooped up her medkit and made for the ladder.

He sighed. “Wait.”

She stopped, but didn’t turn around.

“Yes. I know it needs to be partly immobilized.”

She didn’t move.

“I’m asking for help, here,” he said, annoyed.

“Then ask for it. I don’t appreciate you expecting me to do whatever you tell me to do. Asking for my help can go a long way.”

“Okay,” he said more calmly. “I’m asking for help.”

She turned back toward him, but didn’t look him in the eye. “Okay. I’ll check it out.”

“Ka’li.”

His voice was softer, startling her enough to look him in the eye.

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too, Cross. I shouldn’t have been sharp with you.”

He chuckled drily, hoping to hide the thrill at the nickname. “No, that’s pretty much the only way they can convince me to listen.”

“You deserve better. I’m not part of your family, so I don’t need to assume I can treat you the same.” She looked away again, but he looked at her straight on.

While she thought he deserved better, he didn’t believe her. He had done bad things. Terrible, really. There wasn’t anything he deserved, in his opinion.

If his silence effected her, she didn’t show it. She just sat on his left and opened the medkit.

“Funny thing about treating your shoulder for something like this requires your shoulder to be bare.” Her tone was one of amusement.

He smirked. “Are you asking me to take off my clothes?”

She blushed. “No! Well, just your upper body glove. I need access to your bare shoulder.”

He took his shirt off and she started looking his shoulder over before handling it.

“Does it feel like it’s back in place?”

“Yeah. I have a little bit of motion.” He paused. “It really hurts.”

“I’d be surprised if it didn’t.” She looked over the swelling and the bruising. “You know I have to handle it to do this.”

He grunted in response.

“Do I have permission to proceed?”

He looked at her and cocked an eyebrow, then nodded. She touched his shoulder and elbow with both hands and started to move his arm. He bit back a yell and she stopped.

“How much pain is it? Is it moderately affecting daily activities or severely affecting you?” she asked quietly, refocused on his arm.

“It’s….” Did he tell her? He wanted to hide it, but this was his only chance. She waited patiently and he conceded. “Severe. I can’t raise it without the pain distracting me.”

She let go of his arm. “You’ve got a strain, then. Any tingling or numbness?”

He shook his head.

“Cramping?”

“Mild to none at this point.”

“Good. No nerve damage.”

“Was it an easy pop-in?”

“It was pretty quick.”

“Partial dislocation, at least some tissue damage, indicated by the bruising and swelling. I’m going to apply ointment and partly immobilize it.”

“Immobilize? No.”

“Crosshair,” she said in a dangerous tone. He scowled and she continued. “Your tissues need to heal. I understand you don’t want to do this. I understand that you feel it makes you weak. I can’t say I know exactly what you’re feeling, but please. Let me help you heal.”

He ground his teeth and looked away, pursing his lips. Finally, he agreed.

She applied the bacta, slowly and in circles, and despite the aches, the firm but gentle touches made him want to lean into her. Each touch was relaxing and he enjoyed the warmth her hands brought, both to his skin and his heart. When she got done with the application, she let him put his shirt back on and began to wrap his arm in a makeshift sling, crossing the wrap over his body a couple times, enough to give it a range of motion, but still keep it steady for at least a day. Each near miss her hands had with his chest brought him butterflies. What did she think of him each time she got this close to him? Did she want to stay this close just like he did?

He frowned at the thought. That wasn’t something he needed to worry about, especially only in his bodyglove.

She cleared her throat. “I’d like to ask you something.”

He looked at her working on his shoulder.

“I saw your face when you came back up the ladder. That pain wasn’t just in your shoulder, was it? Did one of the droids have the same sound as before we found you?”

He knew she was avoiding certain words, even with her voice hushed, to keep the torture a secret between the two of them still, but his walls still started to go back up.

“Crosshair, I just want to see if there’s anything else I can do.”

His scowl deepened and he couldn’t hold his defensive retort back. “Why, so I can be emotionally reliant on you? No, I’m not weak, I’m not one of your projects.”

She froze. “I-I’m sorry, I just -”

“Yeah, you wanted to help. I know. And I don’t care, just hurry up.” His cheeks warmed and he had to steel his gaze to hold back the stinging of tears of frustration.

She bit her lower lip. “You know, you can just tell me you hate me and I’ll stop bothering you. It’d be quicker that way.”

Hate her? Maker, no. That was the farthest from the truth she could get. He sighed, “I don’t hate you. And I… I do care that you want to help.”

“Then why are you so mean to me?”

“Because trust is hard!”

She didn’t say anything, just looked up at him with a softening gaze as the words sunk in.

“Trust is hard, Ka’li. If I give myself over to someone, if I let them in, I’m going to get hurt! I can’t let that happen. So I’ve been trying to keep you at an arm’s length.” He paused, then glanced away. “But that’s been hard, too.”

She bit her lip again, then nodded. “If you want me to not get close, I understand. You’ve had so much trauma, that I can’t even begin to expect you want someone to be an outlet. Just know I would still like to be your friend if you change your mind.”

He pursed his lips, then nodded. As she went to pack up, he caught her elbow. “I’d like to try again.”

“Okay. Well, Cross, let me know if you need anything else.” She gave him a slight smile. He nodded back.

“Ka’li?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

The blush in her cheeks did not go unnoticed by him and a surge of pride grew in his chest.

The moment was interrupted by Omega calling down that Ka’li was needed in the cockpit. The two then traded glances before climbing the ladder. Crosshair, stretching his wrapping and getting used to the limited range of motion, followed closely behind her.

“What is it, Hunter?” she asked, entering the cockpit.

“We just got word from Rex about an outer rim planet aiding in the rebellion’s cause. On the planet, one of the villages needs medical help after their recent quake, and while I’m not ordering you to go, they very much need your expertise.”

“Are we all going?”

“We’ll all land, but not all of us are needed. Some of us will get supplies that we desperately need. But someone else can go to the village with you.”

“Okay. When do we leave?”

“We can leave as soon as everyone’s ready.”

Ka’li nodded, deep in thought about the needs of the people. Crosshair watched her, also deep in thought for another reason. Just that morning, he’d insulted her for wanting to help people, insinuating it made her a savior. But she was doing this purely out of kindness.

Guilt swam in his stomach and he looked away, managing to catch the attention of Omega by accident, who cocked her head in a thoughtful, then a knowing smile. His sister was very intuitive and he couldn’t afford to slip up around her. She would start to ask questions, and he wasn’t ready for that.

He wasn’t sure if he was ready to start answering them to just himself, either. Ka’li had a good heart. He didn’t want to get in the way. He also didn’t want to be seen as a project for her, someone to be saved.

No, he decided he didn’t deserve to be saved. It hurt to think about.

Silently, he cursed himself. He had to at least be honest with himself if he couldn’t be honest with her. He didn’t want to be rejected, either. If he didn’t deserve redemption, then all he would face was rejection.

And he had enough of that in his lifetime.

Ka’li was good. But even she had her limits.

He didn’t want to find out he was one of them.

Chapter 9 Tags: @crosshairsbabygurl, @starrylothcat, @thecoffeelorian, @idoubleswearimawriter, @heylosers06, @totesnothere04, @dangraccoon, @the-hexfiles, @jediknightjana

[neurodelightful]

Hello there everyone! We apologize for the radio silence the last few months. It’s been a really rough time for us (I’ll spare you the details unless you want them, if so check below the cut 👇) and we’re behind on a lot of things.

I honestly hate to do this, but as part of my self care I’m learning to ask for help when I need it, and there’s no reason that shouldn’t apply with my business as well.

We’re running a sale to try to help us get back on our feet and I’d really appreciate anyone who can help, whether it’s making a purchase or just reblogging to help get more eyes on this. Everything helps. 💜 Depending on how things go, the sale may or may not get extended, I'll keep you folks posted.

As for what has caused this need to get back on our feet, here goes: (Be sure to check the tags for any applicable content warnings. There's nothing bad really, but we prefer to use an abundance of caution)

I’ve been bedridden off and on the last few months. I have really bad lower back issues, and I guess between the cold snap and overworking it, it just couldn’t keep up anymore. I also caught the flu not once but twice in those months (don’t worry, no germs on any merchandise, I miraculously didn’t have any orders during that downtime).

That cold snap also broke not one but TWO of our pipes, leaving us without running water for a week and a half while various (expensive) repairs failed. That lead to a lot of having to play catch up with dishes and laundry, which is part of what kept the back overworked for longer.

We’ve had two cats get sick (no worries, they'll be perfectly fine), for which we’re still working to pay the vet bills. Not the worst, but still an unexpected expense.

And finally the one that really has us reeling; We had an issue with our bank where for some reason they haven’t been letting the things we pay bills on actually take their payments… for a few months. I believe the issue is resolved now, but we are still left with a ton of late fees and having to catch up on those missed payments.

That's just current expenses we have to worry about as well, I need to order more stuff to restock the shop with and have a dying computer to replace. These two things thankfully aren't emergencies right now, but they're both things that are "a matter of when, not if" they become problems if they're not addressed. I don't really like having that looming over me, but I can't afford for them to be priorities right now either. It's been... a lot, and the stress has not been good to our mental health. We are scrambling to do everything we can on our own to handle all this, but anything the shop may be able to pull off the burden would be a huge relief for us. If you've read this far, thank you. Even being able to talk about it a little bit helps vent off a bit of the stress, plus we like to be transparent where we can.

[styxflower]

October 4th

These past few weeks hae been really busy, and I have not had the time to post, but here is an update how school is going.

I've had my first few tests now, and so far they have gone well. We also had the G4 project last week in collaboration with another school. For those who don't know, it is a science subject project, so biology, physics, chemistry and this years theme wa climate. We were divided into groups and each group went to a company and then we made posters that had something to do with climate and what we were told at the company. It was very interesting, but it did take away two days of learning.

My main causes of stres are now math IA and my EE, because I have to turn in my EE final draft by 23rd of october and my math IA first draft by 20th october. I know I will manage, but it is still stressful. In mot subjects I am doing fine, but in physics I am having some problems understanding the material, I don't know why.

In other news my computer broke down so I have to use my mothers until I can buy myelf a new one. That is all for now, I will try to make more frequent posts in the future, but I don't promise anything.

[survey--s]

539.

1. What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? Nothing specific lol. That doesn’t mean life is bad though, just that everything is plodding along as normal ha.

2. What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? Introducing two dogs together - they got on really well luckily as they’re both unneutered males but luckily they’ve got excellent temperaments.

3. Name somewhere you are planning on visiting in the near future? The only plans I have in the near future are to go to Manchester in October.

4. How often do you go grocery shopping and how much food do you usually get in one go? I get a delivery once a week or so, sometimes every ten days.

5. What is a meal you eat extremely often? Lately, instant ramen or pizza.

6. When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? I often feel that way with clients lol. There’s such a fine line to tread between being honest and being hurtful.

7. What was the last thing you changed your mind about? What to have for dinner.

8. Who was the last friend you saw, and what did you do together? Susie - we went for iced coffee with the dogs.

9. Who tends to show up in your dreams? Do you ever wonder if you appear in anyone else's dreams? I answered this question in the last survey I took. Word for word.

10. What is something you wish you could say to someone who is no longer in your life, or something you wish they could know? Nothing.

11. Instead of flat earth, what do you think of the simulated earth theory, that we're basically all just a giant computer program or virtual reality? Ha, I don’t believe it but it would make a whole lot of sense sometimes.

12. What worries you most about your future? Getting dementia or cancer.

13. What is something you do to feel better when you're scared? Comfort watch my favourite TV shows.

15. What makes you trust someone? When was the last time someone broke your trust? Just getting to know someone and feeling like they’re a good person, I guess. I don’t remember the last time someone broke my trust.

16. When was the last time you shared a secret with someone, and how did they react? I can’t remember.

17. Are you more likely to give advice or to ask for it? Give advice. I don’t even remember the last time I asked for advice.

18. When was the last time you felt totally lost, figuratively speaking? How about literally? I don’t remember (on both counts).

19. In what ways are you emotionally strong? In what ways are you emotionally weak? I have autism so I either hugely overreact or hugely under-react.

20. What is the strangest book you have ever read? How did you find out about it? The Night Circus was a pretty odd book - amazing though. I found it through a recommendation from a friend called Sara.

21. Do you prefer to watch movies or tv alone or with other people? Is there anything you refuse to watch alone? Alone, for the most part, as I feel like I can also do my own thing and there isn’t so much pressure to have all my attention on the TV.

22. What was the last thing you broke? How about fixed? My old laptop broke but I don’t think I caused it. The last thing I fixed...I also don’t know, ha.

23. Is there a sign or symbol that means a lot to you for whatever reason (eg. seeing certain animals or birds, 11:11 or other repeating numbers, syncs, butterflies, hearts in nature, etc)? Nope.

24. Do you have a personal ghost stories or paranormal experiences? No.

25. What do you get complimented on the most? My business and how I am with the animals. I had to cut everything short last week due to the heat and I got SO many lovely comments for prioritising welfare over money. And then they paid me anyway :)

26. What is something unusual that you find attractive? A nice back/shoulders.

27. What time do you tend to eat your first meal of the day? And your last? Around 7.30am and and about 8pm.

28. What was the subject of the last video you watched? I’m currently watching Friends, but the last reel or whatever I watched was a Friends parody with Maggie Wheeler and Jax.

29. When was the last time you traveled out of town, and where to? About two months ago when I went to spend the day with my mum.

30. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Cosy and casual.

[dausy]

Well we returned from our last weekend trip to Arizona just fine. Had I known I'd of been jobless I would have boarded the dog for atleast one more day because there were some things I'd of liked to see on either the trip there or back home. I have a poor perception of time where I feel like events are super far away but in reality they're just around the corner. I kinda felt I had plenty of time for sight-seeing but now I don't know. We are currently in the process of seeing all the National Parks within our immediate local area so we stopped at Saguaro on the way home. Luckily that was kind of a drive-through small park and we were able to drive through it quickly and make it home on time to pick up our dog before they closed.

We also kind of wanted to stop at Ikea on the way home, though we don't need anything from there. Ikea is just kinda like Buccees, you have to stop and stare and continue on your way. I've also never stopped at Tombstone though the exit is always just right there off the interstate. I forgot that the old Lisa Frank company is in Tucson too and there was a cool looking Airplane museum on the way to Saguaro that I wouldn't have minded looking at either. My husband seems to think we wont ever go back that way ever again before we move but I feel like I doubt that.

We also still havent visited Roswell or Ruidoso. Though Ruidoso has a renaissance festival coming up. I don't really have any sort of interest in Roswell but I never have an interest in anything until I get dragged to places and realize they're pretty cool.

We did stop at Carlsbad Caverns (and accidentally drove through Guadalupe Mountains, not realizing its in that same area-ish...I hesitate to mark that off in my National Parks checkoff book though as we didn't stop at the visitors center). Carlsbad has got to be my top 3 coolest things I've ever visually seen with my own eyes. Whatever photos I took, doesn't do it justice. Literally the coolest and comfiest (temp wise) hike ever. The other 2 I think of my top 3 is the Basilica in Vatican City and The Grand Canyon. While the Grand Canyon is kinda "yay, we see a hole in the ground..now what?" it is just so large it literally confuses your brain and it doesn't know how to process what you are seeing. Thats the only reason why I rate it that high. My brain has not been more broken..like a computer that cant handle the graphics..it froze. The Basillica gave me similar vibes because the sheer size of the creepy statues and building. I had never seen anything like that before either. It also broke my brain. Honestly, the Sistine chapel didn't do it for me but the Basilica did.

so anywho, my first week as a stay-at-home wife has been decently productive in being active (my husband got his own pair of climbing shoes too, so we've already gone to test those out). I did start a new illustration. I feel like I should use this time to do more art stuff but I'm feeling kind of meh...about it at the moment. I'm ignoring emails I've gotten from people and I just don't feel like answering or doing anything.

[frankhightower]

Is my queue full?

When I originally decided to open commissions back in 2017 (yes, the commission opening that broke me), I did a lot of little experiments and hard math and came to the conclusion that the maximum number of commissions I could be working on at a time was seven. I have now reached that number. So why does it look like I'm still asking for more?

How my queue works

For starters, I should probably indicate to any that are still questioning, that my queue is not a regular First-In First-Out queue, but a priority queue. Getting Halloween stuff done in time for Halloween, for instance, should be given priority. I also give priority to adopts, since there's a certain expectation that this is an "off the shelf" sort of product, so the sooner I create the "missing parts", the closer I can come to that expectation (and it's one I'm interested in keeping). Then there's a Round Robin -sort of algorithm to prevent starvation (for the non-computer-geeks, this means that if I feel I haven't talked to a commissioner in "too long", I will try to prioritize them, which inevitably results in cycling through the commissions -- e.g. if I were to have gotten all 7 on the same day and none of them had a halloween-like-deadline priority, you would probably see: the first week, me doing the base lines on all of them; the second week, flat colors on all of them in the same order, and so on) But at the end of the day, the priority of what to work on is set by my own mental health. Since having to "get professional help" mid-pandemic is what started me actually drawing every day (I was dealing fine with the lockdowns, but everyone around me wasn't and that was, to put it mildly, unmanageable).

I won't forget people if I get more

I keep a detailed spreadsheet of all my commissions (Trello just doesn't cut it for me), so there's no danger of me "forgetting" about a commission. I also periodically double and triple check PayPal to make sure I didn't miss any the last time I updated the spreadsheet. I don't post the spreadsheet publicly because there's sensitive information on it, and all the public really needs to know is already in the journal header on FA. For historical purposes, the journal header currently reads Current queue: Jespe, secret commissioner, Medieval YCH(Nezmog, Jespe, TaurusProductions, Microcub), Jespe again, Halloween YCH, Xyie, Pokémorph Adopts(Soraxel, buckywhitetail13) Those are the seven (though you could argue they're actually 11).

Why I'm asking for more

The dry spell of the summer was exceptionally dry (I got 1 commission in the entire month of July 2023 despite posting a lot about my commissions, vs. 6 in July 2022 when I barely posted at all), and while I knew summers would be dry, I was not prepared. I expected, at least, to count on my day job, but with the pandemic "over", I discovered that all that was propping my income up was pandemic bonuses/stimuli. I survived by maxing out my credit, and now need to repay it: my debt payments have doubled from what I told you at the start of the donation drive. To put it simply: I'm scared.

What I'm doing to manage it

While I won't be limiting my queue, I am toning down on promoting my "products". I had planned, for instance, to unveil a new adopt for every one that got adopted (I've identified 36 of my designs that might "qualify", or about 10% of all the pokémon I've drawn -- remember I did the Kanto 150 twice) but now I've decided to put off so much as contacting the original recipient until the queue has shrunken somewhat. While I still intend to do a YCH for November, I will probably also put off on unveiling that. And, of course, I'm going to let the finished commissions speak for themselves, rather than do "I'm open!" reminders.

Posted using PostyBirb

[talenlee]

Bloodwork: Tears And Tables

Hey, here’s a banner and a fold!

These past few days have been a frustrating, literally tears-inducing series of failures in developing Bloodwork. Some accounting.

The aim was, last week, last week, as of the 17th of July, to have a full pdf of the cards available to hand over to a supervisor to show ‘this is the kind of thing I can work with.’ What that led to was an immensely frustrating sequence of failures. Particularly: one of the computers in my house broke wholesale, which meant that I had to try and manage a lot of things while someone else was rebuilding things. 

Eventually, what I opted for was to simplify things down to their simplest form. I took the original word doc format, and while having a quiet choking panic about how long it was taking me to make this, just this, this is all I was doing I managed to do the iconography work from last time. That was largely done by experience playtesting with an ordinary deck of playing cards and some notepaper.

The iconography done, I thought I could quickly and easily belt them out. I’m not happy with how long this took. One option was to make each card image in my image editor of choice (GIMP, man I wish that name was different). This presented a problem where my prototyping involved a lot of repeating tasks, which is kind of the opposite of what I imagine a computer is good at.

I wound up consulting with my partner about a method for simplifying this and that led to the next step, which is the development of a csv import python script for the open source program Scribus. Now just to be clear: I could not make this on my own. This has simplified repetitive tasks for me a great deal, but I could not do this task on my own without the python script, which was made for me by another person.

What this toolkit looks at is a csv table, with the following fields:

Character, iconleft, iconright, alliance and method.

These describe the base background image, then the left game icon and right game icons. The background file field would be replaced with character art, so that each card is mostly, art of the characters. The game icons rest in the central location on the card, and to ensure that there’s no collision, for some versions of the cards, there is a ‘blank’ slide. The blank slide is also used for the ‘method’ field, to make sure that some vampires appear without a particular methodological allegiance: they may be a powerful effect (like a reroll!), but they don’t trigger anything else you have set up.

On game language: I’m finding more and more I want to find some way to route around the word ‘trigger’ for game actions, just because using the word a lot makes it duller and less useful. Triggering this triggering that meaning the triggered thing triggers again – it’s just a long word and if players are using it a lot at the table, they might just start diluting its meaning entirely. At this point I’m liking the word fires, as if to indicate something set up in a position to act leaps into operation.

This is also not an ideal or perfect solution for the future form of the tool. Particularly, there is some weirdness about the card icons that make it a little hard to handle at the moment, and the design of the tool doesn’t generate a card back (embarrassing). For a print-and-play version of the cards, this works out fine, but I’m going to need to produce that card back soon, and that’s going to be an important aesthetic window that wants – for lack of a better term – key art.

And this is the structural tool. I have a 25-card templated version, which I may pare down by one card to make a 27-card version, so as to run playtests directly in multiples. Multiples of 9 are easier to print on A4 pages after all, in a 3×3 grid.

This is an exciting stage to be at because now, things are set up so that some particularly big, sweeping changes can be implemented easily. If I just want to get rid of an icon I can. If I want to add one, provided it fits on the card in the appropriate spot, I can do that, too. If I want to add a method, that works just fine, it’s just a matter of changing the files this python script references.

Also, since all the data is in a spreadsheet, it can be organised and examined at length. It can be categorised and statistically analysed, and that means I can make sure trends are set up in ways that feel obvious without distorting potential gameplay experiences badly. 

This is an idea Mark Rosewater refers to as as-fan. As-fan is when a player engages with a magic booster, when they fan out a normal booster, what things are obviously presented in the single handful of a random sample, in a way that clearly matters to the player, agnostic of other information? In the example of the Zendikar sets, there are always going to be cards mentioning or referencing the importance of getting to play with more land cards. In the handful of cards from a Ravnica set, there will be cards that clearly indicate multicolour pairings. 

This idea, as-fan, as it relates to Bloodwork, presents a different challenge. Players are not going to see too many cards, and cards have a limited capacity for doing anything. I could exclusively limit particular game actions to particular factions – say, criminal vampires are much more likely to have access to violence, and mystical vampires more likely to have access to scrap. But that isn’t an equivalent exchange of interface – one of those is necessary to winning the game, the other optimises your experience of getting to winning the game.

Are all player actions completely comparable to one another?

Are all player actions capable of generating a game state that can end the game?

Are all player actions equally incapable of advancing the game state to ending the game?

Does the game need a timer to induce pressure and force players to build for cards that let them win the game?

What to do about cards that are badly placed or made as a mistake?

I think more and more that the game wants a market for victory cards, a way for players to use later-game purchases to try and win the game, and for those victories to start doing things that mess the players up. Those cards can also be a place for a return to my beloved text boxes. 

Okay, that’s the update!

Check it out on PRESS.exe to see it with images and links!

[autodialog]

I never could get the hang of Thursdays

Hey.

Hey.

So... how've you been?

In the past I would, at this point, put on a show about being abandoned and unloved until everyone dropped what they were doing to tell me that I had some value. But I don't do that anymore.

No?

No. It's infantile. It's manipulative. It's the shit Rush Limbaugh used to pull to get laid. It's also completely against our new principles that we've been practicing.

You're referring to the dichotomy of control, aren't you?

That's one way to look at it. Because we're only supposed to worry about what we actually control, the things that actually depend on us to exist, we are freed from the need for other people to tell us we're good. It's nice to hear, but in some contexts it has no meaning.

Like all the apologies our Mother made us say when were being real shits as kids. We'd be forced to apologize and we'd say we were sorry but we resented it. We didn't mean it.

Exactly. Remember that time in the pizza parlor with our class on some field trip and you broke down in tears because you were afraid of being alone?

Why do you always remember the embarrassing shit?

It's my nature. You needed that hit of social validation so you went ahead and caused a scene and manipulated other people had to prop you up. We don't need to do that any more. In fact, the last time your manager told you you were doing a good job you were embarrassed.

Well, my job is my job. I don't really have a job that lends itself to quiet quitting.

Only because you don't have a formal job description and the very informal one you have you carved out for yourself. Sure, other people gave it to you. Do you even know what your job title is?

No.

When people ask you what you do for a living what do you tell them?

I'm in operations, which is frankly completely and utterly useless. I play with large datasets.

By the way, aren't you supposed to be working right now?

My work computer wasn't responding this morning and Windows wants to run updates.

So that's 40 minutes of your day gone.

Yup. So I thought I should check in with you.

I see how I rate with you.

Is this you trying to be manipulative again?

At least you're aware of it. To be perfectly honest, part of my job is to manipulate you. Part of my job is to use whatever trick is necessary to get you back on track. You are struggling with work, yes?

The phrase "drinking from the fire hose" has come up several times this week. Big deadlines, lot's of people need to do their part first, but I'm the one responsible.

No, you're the one who has to catch the ball once they throw it. You can't start until you have the data from them.

But I'm the one management asks for updates.

So "Pending these guys doing their job" is a perfectly fine response. You're no their manager so you can't really make them do anything. You're feeling pressure that isn't really on you. You just feel responsible for it all. You're not. You have your job, they have theirs.

But business shit rolls downhill. I'm pretty much the bottom of the crevasse. I can't push it back up.

That's two.

Two what?

Two times you've started a word with "but" and that's how I know you're still deluded into thinking you control your coworkers. I get it. You don't want to send daily updates to their manager with "so-and-so still hasn't responded" because you feel like a snitch. You only feel the need to control their actions because you feel like you are in charge of them. You're not in charge of them. You can only do what you can do. Not sending daily updates, not keeping their managers in the loop is a disservice to yourself, and to the company.

You're really going to argue the company has interests?

It's a useful bogeyman. People matter more than any fictitious legal entity, but your job is to manage these datasets. You need their input, you don't need to take the blame for how they do or don't do their jobs. I think your computer is almost rebooted.

It's still trying to log in.

Fine. Have you considered what your actual job is? What is it that you are supposed to do?

I suppose so. It's still vague.

But this project has clear, defined goals?

Yes.

So what's stopping you? Other than coworkers who don't step up and a computer that takes 40 minutes to reboot?

Nothing, really.

See? You're getting it. Now get back to work.

[lovelyyandereaddictionpoint]

Deeper Blues | Yandere Merman x Reader

Yandere Merman x Reader

⚠️[Warning: Yandere behavior and mindsets, general discard for civilian employees, violence, and death ]⚠️

You had been working at the Marine Magestics Company for a while now. Of course never really advancing past your position as an errand (girl/boy) you just kind of did whatever was asked. Because of that you happened to know how exactly to do everyone’s jobs so when someone got sick or oddly put out of commission you were summoned. You were almost certain some less than legal stuff went done here on an everyday basis. But what exactly were you supposed to do? If you left you’d not only lose the great pay for minimal effort but you’d also lose the ability to live without this company breathing down your neck. Plus where else are you going to get free trips to an aquarium like this.

“(Y/n)! Hey glad you could make it! I was sorried for a second that you would turn me down.”

“You're my boss, it wouldn't exactly be wise to do so.”

“Right. Anyway, here are the contracts you have to sign for this new position.”

“And paycheck?”

“Yes, yes the new paycheck. “

You bent down to a nearby crate to finish your reading and signing.

“Hey, this says a whole team ended up dying...What is the job again?”

“Ew you actually read that? Well fine just come with me, it’ll be easier to explain.”

Your boss led you past a multitude of safes and security measures before arriving at a tank big enough for an Orca surrounded by computers and testing equipment. For a moment as you neared the thick glass you saw nothing until you caught the blur of something swimming. Looking longer you eventually are able to make out what looks like a merman with teeth sharper than blades and eyes black and soulless-looking.

“This is what needs monitoring. This thing has killed off some of our best scientists with some kind of poison.”

“So you want me to take all their places.”

“Not exactly. We’re not willing to have to send another stack of millions to your family. You’ll just have to watch it. Monitor it. Feed it. Or don’t I honestly don’t care, just don’t die.”

At the same time you were given so much responsibility and yet none at all. You opted to use a shirt-gun to deliver this thing’s food. Looking over the now deceased scientist’s notes described how it was most likely a male, understood them to some degree, and had a strong dislike for the shocker. As expected they were conditioning him with electric shocks; no wonder he retaliated. You told yourself this would be your last result. In the hours of boredom where you weren’t allowed to have your phone books and random games were your entertainment. Sometimes you sat and watched him round his tank indefinitely.

“Hey, do you ever get bored of that?”

He stopped his speedy swim to turn and look at you. You perked up from your resting place. “Would you like that if I brought something?”

He continued to stare at you as if frustrated you broke the monotony of his routine. From there he slowly started back his circles around the tank.

True to your word the next day you brought a sinker, chucking it in the water. When he started trying to eat it though you realized he probably didn’t know what this was. So for a while you would try to use the devices inside to show videos of people using this toy. Sometimes he acknowledged it but usually he was too focused on whatever uses he wanted.One day though he did leave it on the only platform connected with his tank. Against your better judgement you scaled the stairs armed with only a fish. When you reached your foot to slide the toy to you, he appeared. Splashing and flashing those crazy teeth as he seemed to aim for your face. Anticipating this you smash the fish into his mouth carrying it through to push him back into the water, running back down when you had the sinker. It spooked you for a week, you couldn’t look at his curious gaze from the tank without being reminded of the sheer terror. But from time came growth and you went back up to the platform staying the furthest away and dropped the sinker once more. You turn to walk away but the splash of water on your back makes you stop. Looking at the settling water the sinker was returned. From there things got alot better.

Playing this game with varying toys and energy you found that this put you on better terms with the merman, who didn’t mind coming to the surface when you would drop a sinker or two. It became like muscle memory doing this even as you sat on the platform reading a book casually throwing the sinker. It was bliss, like having a new dog.

“I’m gonna kill it!”

The entrance of your sanctuary was brushed through by a disheveled man that had a knife. How he got past the safe you had no idea. All you knew was that this man was charging up the steps where you were sitting and the merman was hanging off of. You tried to speak to the man but all that happened was that you were lifted by the back of your shirt by this crazy man who was getting closer to the tank.

“Please! Mathew don’t!” Your boss had arrived with backup but you knew they wouldn’t make it before you got thrown in. Before you did, the man held you to his chest with one hand as he made a cut on your cheek.

“You’ll make a great sacrifice.” The force at which you were launched into the water burned the side of your face but the pain pailed in comparison as the water unpreparedly entered your lungs. Thanks to your swimming lessons you were able to cling to one of the sides of the tank. Inching along the sides you tried to ignore the splash of red that seemed to be spreading in the tank. It was a lot harder to ignore the bits of tattered clothes floating around the bloodied waters on your arms and hands; you began to panic. If those were in tatters than his flesh... You had begun to hyperventilate and let out a scream as it felt like something floating by nudged your back. Frantically you swam to the platform letting armed guards pull you out and to the hospital.

Thankfully they weren’t entirely heartless. Paid leave, paid medical bills, you were even offered to meet with the company therapists. Your boss had worriedly expressed how you’d never have to come back in again but you were both proved wrong. Apparently they had resumed testing on the merman and you were a key piece. Somehow they had gotten footage of you two playing and they figured you were their best way to go.

Seeing him again nearly made you faint he on the otherhand put his hands to the glass and the black of his eyes shrinked to the pupil of a yellow iris. He was what looked to be smiling, wagging his tail excitedly. They shoved you in a wet suit and pushed you into the water immediately triggering an even worse panic attack. Floundering helplessly the merman swims to your sinking body seeing that you can’t breath wraps his arms around you swimming to the surface, you were unconcious. When you awake you are floating in the tank with a warm hand on the small of your back. When you turn around the guards sit relentlessly calling out to you.

“They can’t reach us on this side of the tank. They can’t shock me either.”

The smooth sultry unfamiliar voice made you stop the back floating to shred water for yourself.

“You-you can talk?”

“Up until recently. Yes. My turn. What do they call you?”

“(Y/n). Yours?”

“You can call me Vain.”

—------

He’ll admit as soon as he saw you walk in and press your face to the glass he planned to eat you. You were just so much smaller than him and just out of reach doing whatever baseless things you were doing. When you continued to feed him with the gun that shot the fish he was getting irritated. He needed to eat a human and soon. It was becoming too hard to maintain his sentience, his intelligence. A trade secret of his people: the eating of a human for at least six month will result in losing the features. The only reason he lasted this long was because of his status but that wouldn’t matter if he didn’t get his hands on a human soon.

When you began your game he didn’t understand and he tried to figure it out. A sign that he wasn’t completely lost. This was great. Your human game had staved off the reversion only for a little while. When you first went to retrieve the toy and he nearly got you; he cursed himself he meant to speak but in an animal instinct opportunity to strike had appeared. From there he only meant to silently indulge in your presence so that you wouldn’t be hurt. IT almost felt if he somehow got closer to you his sanity wouldn’t escape him but with the only human left he figured he’d rather not try it. This was the best he’d felt in awhile. That is until that human came.

The entry of the insane human destroyed that peace. Hurting his new human and then trying to attack him. It was wonderfully convenient that this human was practically offering himself to be eaten. Now he’ll admit he was a little crass in devouring the corpse leaving hardly anything but he just totally deserved it. What he didn’t like was after filling his belly with the intruder he wanted to speak to you but your heart was going crazy. He wanted to hold you and show that he could talk, but the scream you let out when he went to support you. You were overwhelmed, he had read about this. So he let himself only monitor from a distance while you made your way back to the platform where the violent humans scooped you up.

He was purposefully letting his instincts run wild. You were gone and he was being poked and prodded at. He knows how the scientific method works. If he acts out enough they’ll bring you back no matter how hard you scream, they were just like that. When it finally worked you were in his arms and sleeping so peacefully. This felt right. He intended to make sure this would happen often. At least up until the Summer Solstice.

—-------

“We are relieving you of your work in this field.”

“Wait, what?”

“We’ll be moving you to work with the porpoise section. Speak a word and you know what happens.”

They shoved a box of all your things into your chest and pushed you away. They wanted to keep it subtle, escorting you out when they were authorizing a tarp to cover the tank. You went quietly, that's all you could do. Nodding at your apologetic boss who had been forced to take a back seat on intervention from the government.

Living out your days as though you’d never met Vain was kind of sad but it wasn’t awful. You could finally go to work without being triggered into another emotional breakdown.

You were paged like the rest of your coworkers, albeit last, but you figured this was some evaluation of some kind. But when you got on the call pleas of a guard asking for you to come. You were hesitant. Something wasn’t right but curiosity was an itch you just had to scratch.

When you arrived at the now opened safe and undone security doors you were almost ready to see blood pooled everywhere in some massacre-like way but you didn’t. Instead there was a man wearing a really exotic sparkling see-through suit with flowing white hair with red tips. They seemed to be packing a bag, you went up to them tapping them on the shoulder they turned around revealing glowing yellow eyed and a toothy smile.

“Hello (Y/n)! I’m so glad you could make it! We have to go soon.”

The stranger grabbed onto your wrist pulling you out the door.

“Wh-what!? Who are you?”

For a moment the man seemed to falter but recovered pulling you into their chest holding you close.

“It’s me, Vain! I know I look a little different now but-”

“Vain!? Your-you have legs! How?!”

His grip seemed to get tighter and his smile seemed forced.

“Something I didn’t tell you about me is that we have to eat humans to keep sane and sentient in general. Lucky for me I’m part of the royal family which grants me the power to switch from a tail with whatever I want. Only as long as I eat enough so-”

“Y-you ate them!?”

Suddenly there was a prick of pain in your arm and you could no longer stand up straight. Falling into the waiting arms of the merman you tried to get out your question “A-re yo-gon eat me?”

Laughing heartily he hoists you into his arm, bridal style. He kissed you on your forehead, your nose, and then your lips. You really shouldn’t have taught him what that was.

“No darling. Not you. I’ve chosen you to be my mate. I can’t wait until we get home.”

Part 2 | Maybe?