#also me when that blog is like 8 years old good heavens

[saucynadles]

tumblr is so wild bc the random manga edits i did like 7 years ago on an abandoned sideblog still gets notes to this day

[bebepac]

I posted 1,590 times in 2022

178 posts created (11%)

1,412 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@angelasscribbles

@bebepac

@tessa-liam

@kingliam2019

@secretaryunpaid

I tagged 956 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#bebepac writes - 872 posts

#choices fanfiction - 404 posts

#liam x riley forever - 318 posts

#evil ellie rys - 189 posts

#elle x nico - 184 posts

#liam x riley - 180 posts

#you will always be my riley - 164 posts

#evil drake - 158 posts

#the rotten apple 🍎 - 137 posts

#choices fanfic - 132 posts

Longest Tag: 55 characters

#the fandom is big enough for us all to do our own thing

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Big Apple Dumplin' Festival

This is a one shot from my Fast Forward Universe for @txemrn father's day prompt.

Just imagine: Your TRR LI is at an important public event. The heir (4-5 years old) throws a tantrum.  MC is COMPLETELY out of the picture.  How would your LI (Liam/Drake/Maxwell/Leo) react?

The Book: TRH

The Pairings: Liam x Riley , Maxwell x Taylor (Maxwell x F!OC) , Nico x Angelica (M!OC x F!OC)

Word Count: 2355

Warnings and Ratings: Profanity. / Teen

Original Post: 06/18/22 at 8:50PM EST.

A/N: Do you have to have read Fast Forward to understand this? Nope, but I highly recommend if you are looking for a binge read. But I'm going to give you some things you do need to know. My Riley is married to Liam with four kids: Ellie, (12) Adam (11), Jaiden (5), and Liberty (4). My Riley also has an identical twin sister Taylor that's living in Cordonia now. (They were separated at birth and my Riley was adopted. ) Taylor and Maxwell are married. Other People you will see:

Nico: Riley's Guard married to Angelica (Ana), Riley's assistant. Nico and Ana have one daughter together Iris, (9 months) and Nico has a child from a previous relationship Nicolai (Nic) (age 13).

Taylor and Maxwell have identical twin daughters Lily and Violet (age 2)

A/N2: I had read a few of the father's day fics that have come across my dash, and I just finished mine this afternoon and was starting the proofing process on my own when I found @debramcg1106 had posted her's already and we both have a slightly similar situation with children getting undressed. So I ran my story by her, and she was okay with it.

*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*^*

"What do you think of the idea Riley? Personally, I like it. It's a play on where you're from, and you get to crown someone Queen for the festival, as you were crowned."

See the full post

99 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#4

A Piece of Heaven on Earth Part 6

This is my second submission for the last @wackydrabbles​​​​ prompt # 145 That was really really good which will appear in bold.

My OG Riley had to be a part of this.  She had to be. She started the wacky drabbles journey with me, it’s only fitting, my final submission is with her.  

This also is a submission for @choicesmonthlychallenge​​​​ for day 3 for paranormal.

The series:  A Piece of Heaven on Earth

The Book:  TRR

The Pairings: Liam x Riley /  Riley x Nico 

Word Count: 4599

Warnings and Ratings:  Profanity, Sexual Situation, 18+

Song Inspiration: When Can I see You by Babyface

Song Inspiration: Come Away With Me by Norah Jones

Song Inspiration Just a Dream by Nelly  

Summary: Riley moves in with Taylor until her apartment is vacated by Liam. Nico and Riley begin an relationship together. Team Liam launches an offensive to help bring Liam and Riley back together.

Original Post: 05/06/22 at 11:24PM  EST

A/N:  This is very special to me.  So please be kind.  I’m writing this as a tribute story to my Riley FC, the late Cheslie Kryst, in a way to deal with my grief which has almost been consuming my life.  I started following her in 2019 when I was watching the Miss USA pageant.  I rooted for her immediately.  Not only was she from my home state, but she was just this bright twinkling light on stage, she was a minority, like me. So when I came to the fandom in January 2020 and started writing stories for TRR I picked her as my Riley FC because she embodied what I wanted my “Riley” character to be.  Even in her untimely passing, I am still finding out more about her life and I have written her pretty accurately, even down to having depression.  So I will say it again.  If you need help please reach out.

See the full post

103 notes - Posted May 6, 2022

#3

I don't care what anyone says, words hurt, and can do more damage than a physical bully. The more and more I read about her, the sadder I feel for her, that she really felt alone, her outwardly confident exterior , she had material wealth and appeared to "have it all", she was dealing with and was hiding so much pain and hurt inside.

I can't even begin to formulate words to convey the anger and hurt I feel. I thought she was beautiful, graceful, intelligent, and poised. A true Queen. To see people trolled and talked about her this way makes me sad for humanity. And that she deleted all the negative comments. As an avid follower of hers, for years I never once saw a negative comment. That must have been emotionally exhausting for her.

This world already feels darker without your light Beautiful Queen.

123 notes - Posted January 31, 2022

#2

A Piece of Heaven on Earth: Part 1

The Book:  TRR Pairing:  Liam x Riley (eventually)  Word Count: 2902 Warnings & Ratings:  Sexual Innuendo, mention of character’s perceived death, profanity; Teen Liam and Riley, Chance, Maxwell and Bryce belong to PB, all others are my own characters  to support our story. Summary:  Riley and Liam meet in an odd situation Song Inspiration:  I by Yiruma Story Inspiration: Just Like Heaven -you see similarity to the storyline of the movie but there will be differences I added in as well.

Original Post:  03/08/22 at 8:43PM EST.

A/N:  This is very special to me.  So please be kind.  I’m writing this as a tribute story to my Riley FC, the late Cheslie Kryst, in a way to deal with my grief which has almost been consuming my life.  I started following her in 2019 when I was watching the Miss USA pageant.  I rooted for her immediately.  Not only was she from my home state, but she was just this bright twinkling light on stage, she was a minority, like me. So when I came to the fandom in January 2020 and started writing stories for TRR I picked her as my Riley FC because she embodied what I wanted my “Riley” character to be.  Even in her untimely passing, I am still finding out more about her life and I have written her pretty accurately, even down to having depression.  So I will say it again.  If you need help please reach out. 

See the full post

136 notes - Posted March 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Rest In Peace Cheslie Kryst

Original Post: 1/30/22  8:39PM EST.

Update 1/31/22

If you have been following me for a bit know that  Cheslie  was my face claim that I used for my original “Riley” character for my TRR writing and series.  Sadly, news reports are coming in from New York, she took her own life today.  And I cried, and I’m still crying. 

Is it silly that part of me feels like I know her, as I’ve been writing about her, in this world for the past two years?  That there are tears in my eyes for her feeling that she had nothing left but to do this final act, you can’t erase, and I feel for her family, and friends, and fans out there, that all feel like the world is a little darker today already without her here. 

Cheslie, even though I didn’t personally know you, I feel like I did because I’ve been writing  you for over two years, of how I perceived you to be.  In all the social media I saw of you, I perceived you to be confident, funny, kind, and a little bit goofy but also goal oriented,  a strong  woman.  My hope for you is that you have finally found peace.  I wish you would have seen yourself, the way I saw you and wrote you. I miss you already and I never met you in real life. 

We have to do better as people, to see the signs and check in on each other, I would have never thought, this would be her fate from her life that she had lived and social media presence.  You never know what people are struggling with under the surface. You think that they have it all, but they feel that they are missing something crucial.

If you are feeling lost or hurt please reach out to your friends or family or someone that can help.  Please get help.   People will miss you if you’re gone, people you might not even realize. I read that 93% of people that survive a suicide attempt say they regret the choice they made, after they made it, but then, it's too late. Please get help if you need it.

See the full post

292 notes - Posted January 30, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[enchantedchocolatebars]

The very kind and very talented @queenspinoodle tagged me in this writing game! 💖 ✏️ 💕 ✍️ 💟 (THANK U!!!)

1. What motivates you to write?

My love for writing does! ❤️ ✏️ As a writer, I have stories to tell and headcanons to share. I wanna make myself happy with them! Also, the works of others motivate me too. Whenever I see a really good fic or writing piece online, I go, "Wow, what this person wrote was SO amazing that I want to write my own amazing thing!"

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud of; if not, share a line from someone else's work that you love (just make sure to give credit

Not only am I gonna share a snippet, I'm also gonna explain why I'm so proud of it.

Here it is:

... Brown eyes begin to sparkle at that fact. Caleb had no idea! He casts a smile down at his mother’s stomach, giving it a light pat.

“I’m so glad God decided to gift you to us, Philip,” Caleb “speaks” to his little brother.

The corners of his mouth soften.

“I can’t wait to see you.”

This is from the short, canon divergent story I wrote titled "A New Addition".

In this scene, a (I'll say 5 since I didn't state his age in the story, but you can tell he's a small child) year old Caleb has just been told by his mother where baby's come from. Heaven! They're gifts from gods (her words).

The reason I'm so proud of this piece is because I love how sweet and sincere I made Little Caleb at the end. He's just so grateful that God gave Philip as a gift to him and his family and he can't wait to see / meet him. 🥹

It shows how Caleb has always loved Philip (even in his unborn baby state).

3. Which OC makes you smile when you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Uh, CLARA EVELYN CLAWTHORNE !!! 💞 🫶🥹 💕

I LOVE HER SO MUCH (SO DOES HER BIRDIE AND HUSBAND)! 💓 💓 💓

She's a hyperactive, carefree witch who's fun-loving and adventurous. She's also very kind and caring.

4. Which process of writing do you enjoy the most?

Coming up with ideas and writing them down.

5. Which part of writing do you think you're best at? (Stroke your own ego, it's okay)

I think I'm best at making my audience have a good time! My writing, for the most part, is always fun and exciting. You'll never be bored when you read my stuff.

6. What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

THE POSITIVITY POSTS THAT PEOPLE MAKE!!! I LOVE REBLOGGING THEM!!! I love how uplifting they are. Whenever I'm feeling down about my work, I go back to read them. They kinda inspire me to maybe make my own writer positivity blog. Maybe one day.😌

7. A writing tool/device that helps you with writing (i.e. text-to-speech, a program, etc...)

THE GOOGLES.

8. A piece of world-building that you like in your own story (it could be the magic system, a particular place, a law, etc...)

I don't really create my own worlds, but I do like adding a sense of cartooniness / cartoon logic to existing ones lol.

9. What piece of advice would you give to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

No matter what. <3 I know I won't. 😋

10. Tag some people whose work you love/ have been your biggest supporters

Easy:

@queenspinoodle

@princessrainbowpastel

@elusive---ivory

@angelcloves

@ren-c-leyn

@nightsoulvixen (I'm not sure if you write Roya, but you're always supporting me and I ❤️ you for that. <3)

[neo-neos]

thank you to the loveliest of lovely baby babes: @skateyoulater for the tag (: I love doing these so much hahaha

❥ name: (My first name would literally dox me cuz she is unique as fuck) Just call me Peach or Lychee whatever fruit you prefer lmfao

❥ sign: Capricorn

❥ height: 168 cm which would be???? 5'5? 5'6?

❥ time: 8:51PM

❥ birthday: January 19th (Which is soon and I am not happy about it) 1998

❥ fav band/artist: Band: Sticky Fingers, Ocean Alley, Young Monks, Loose Bricks (if you think: This does not mean anything to me... I listen to Australian Surf/Garage punk/Reggae lmfao)

Fav artists: Jon Bellion, Tash Sultana

❥ last movie: I think Gremlins... It was Christmas don't laugh at me

❥ last show: Ehhh I'm halfway through day 3 of Safe House season 1. But I'm currently also following: Between us, Manner of death, My school president, Never let me go, the director who buys me dinner, the new employee.

❥ when I created this blog: Ehhhh this specific blog is about 4 months old?

❥ what I post: On this blog it's BL with a little bit of language/linguistic stuff mixed into it... Although I have been thinking of just making a separate language blog but I suck at managing more than 1 blog

❥ other blogs?: Yes @pitchiness is the blog I created about 12 years ago. It has been through a LOT. From 12-year-old me just reblogging pretty pictures for the aesthetic to 14 year old angsty/emo me, to my K-pop phase, to falling back out of that and just shitposting random shite I found funny... It holds almost 50K posts...

❥ do I get asks?: Not enough (((((; nah but to be real, not that many. I am always so insanely excited to get asks because it means I can pop off with the answer and I often times write a massive answer that will probably overwhelm people... and I'm doing it again now... Eh...

❥ followers: On this blog: 212... I would say maybe 200 followers because I might have missed a pornbot here and there

On the other blog: 2986 but I think about 50% of those are no longer active.

❥ average hours of sleep: I'd say about 5-6-7 hours?

❥ instruments: I wish.

❥ what I'm wearing: Right now? Sweatpants, fluffy socks, a shirt and a hoodie. If you're asking my style normally: It differs so much, one day I wanna dress up in funky vintage blouses, the next I wanna look like sherlock holmes, and next week I want to look like a forest elf... My closet is a mess.

❥ dream trip: Tbh anywhere with the right people is always good... But Tokyo is high on my list. Seoul, Edinburgh (again), Australia would be nice to see some of my fav bands live too.

❥ fav songs right now: Ziggy Alberts - Heaven Muroki - Open up Jon Bellion - Blu Ocean Alley - Lonely diamond And like a million more HAHA

And since @skateyoulater basically tagged the entire group of besties already... I'll just say: If you see this and you want to do it too, you can just say I tagged you in it (((((: !

@neppu, @jimins-crooked-tooth, @alt-drama, @hello-n-goodbye, @ieroween1031, @chimerasinourskyline Here is mine btw lmfao

[hebatollah]

Mama, Life had just begun

Yoko Ono once said, "Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90. Time is a concept that humans created." How old are you?

To tell the truth or keep you guessing, that's the question. But I'll tell you the truth.

Take (4)

In a small town in Austria, I went back to student life, and kissed my twenties good bye. I started all over again with engineering, this time for a masters degree, and my classmates are now 8 years younger than me. People my age were either taking senior positions at work, or bringing babies to the world, or both. I felt like the Benjamin Button of the group, not the Joey Tribbiani.. My 30th birthday was my happiest ever! A new friend got me a birthday cake instead of a love confession, but the way he celebrated me said enough. Besides, I didn’t wait long until I celebrated his 30th birthday too!

In less than a year I moved from a high maintenance workaholic to a full time student on a tight budget, who's still writing letters in this blog. This time however, I wasn't writing to my phantom lover in Cairo, and not to my new potential in Linz. This time I was writing to my mum in Heaven.

A year later I was still the student who's barely paying her bills with a part-time job, except that I started the thirties regular doctor visits. My mother’s early death became a danger label in my health reports, so now you can imagine the shape of my new fantasies. My anxiety grew into undiagnosed physical pain, and the more I paid attention to my body, the more I got scared of it. My relationship with mirrors got worse than it was already, and for the first time in the ten years since her passing, I really really wanted my mama!

After a lot of anxiety attacks, and sweat and tears, I finally finished my thesis, and exceeded my bachelor's benchmark too! I also started my first full-time job in Austria, and left the dorms to a pretty apartment that matches my age and taste. That apartment also had mirrors everywhere! But this is where I learned to wear my own makeup, and treated my hair with understanding.. Not so late I guess? I thought I'm becoming that stable person again, who will make her mum proud, but not for long.

I was working in one of the best companies in Linz, but I hated my job! There I was treated like a fresh grad, and my tasks were suitable for the 11 years-old me. I complained and wasn't taken seriously, I was expected to be grateful instead. I jumped into stretch assignments that later turned into lullabies. I felt betrayed and outraged, and nobody really understood why. I also started to wonder if they were actually justified, or is it me who put herself in the wrong place? I questioned myself.

The one who didn’t question me was my birthday-cake friend. He didn’t have to agree with everything I said to make me feel understood. He believed me, and that was all I needed! We had opposite views on so many things, but disagreed so lovingly. His perspective always fascinated me, even when we were aligned. Our countless good conversations shaped my early thirties, also the one when we had our closure. I wonder if I’d ever get such a mature closure when I get older? I just hope I won’t have to lose someone like him again.

I switched from romance and fiction to non fiction that should fix me. I treated the days like a series of mistakes to correct and risks to mitigate. I almost stopped journaling, both publicly and privately, and wrote a lot of checklists instead. My camera became a living room decor, despite my track record of good travels. I also made records with regular exercising and good cooking, but my health didn't get much better. I got used to that unexplained pain, and only listened to my body at a little more desperate point.

[sunnypogue]

hockey!jj: the origin story (feat. hockey!rafe)

rafe isn’t the only obx boy that plays hockey.

a couple weeks ago, @oopmyheartwent-obx​ & i created hockey!jj - loosely based on rat king/elite shit-talker, travis konecny. 

this is his origin story.

(major, MAJOR shout out to my lady @oopmyheartwent-obx​ for compiling all of our insane notes, creating a google doc & carrying the team on her back for this lil headcanon - we’ll be posting additional hockey!jj/coho!rafe stuff to both blogs, so keep an eye out for a masterlist in the near future!)

warnings: cursing, fighting.

It started when JJ was nine

John B had come sprinting home to the chateau, an hour after he normally got home from school, two hockey sticks tucked under his arm

“Look what I found! Lost and found!”

The boys immediately took to the street, swinging them around like maniacs, trying to hit an old tennis ball as far as they could

JJ had a particularly hard shot - he nailed a car, denting the door

Needless to say, he was hooked.

JJ became a bit notorious for terrorizing the streets of the outer banks, playing street hockey from sunup to sun down, recruiting anyone and everyone to play

Most of the kids on the cut didn’t get hockey, considering it a kook sport & opting to spend their summers surfing instead

Why play a game on ice when they lived on the beach?

So JJ found himself (begrudgingly) playing with kooks, taking solace in the fact that he was significantly better than most of them 

Blatantly ignoring the fact that most of them were more focused on lacrosse anyway

And that’s how Ward Cameron found him

Rafe also played hockey, had been playing for several years in a travel league, and he was pretty good despite constantly carrying the weight of his dad’s expectations

Rafe and JJ rarely crossed paths - Rafe was vocally “above street hockey,” opting to travel to the mainland for his reserved ice time (along with his regular team practices)

JJ was better though - it was like hockey came naturally to him, and Ward saw the opportunity to capitalize on his skill

JJ was wary at first - because what the fuck did Ward Cameron want to do with a 10 year old pogue like himself?

But then Ward promised him an opportunity to play actual ice hockey - and how could JJ say no?

An escape from his shitty home life and the opportunity to finally play with some talent sounded like heaven to young JJ

Ward took JJ under his wing 

Signed him up for the local team, bought him skates, new gear, and made sure he was able to be at every practice

Made sure he had the tutors and the resources necessary to clean up his grades for future college possibilities

JJ was immediately recognized as “raw talent” - he lasted on the peewee squad for exactly one week, before being moved up to the travel bantam team, making him the lone 10 year old on a U14 team 

Which also meant he was teammates with Rafe

Carpool buddies!

Rafe simultaneously loved and hated it. It took some of the pressure off of him as his dad’s attention shifted 

But he also craved his dad’s attention and approval - which he was no longer getting with JJ in the picture

Conversation at the Cameron dinner table often consisted of “JJ’s latest achievement on the ice,” with Ward rattling off stats like a rinkside reporter.

“He’s leading the team in points, despite missing two games - I think the next kid is like, 13 points behind him.”

Rafe would roll his eyes, stabbing at whatever vegetable was left on his plate, “I’m the next kid, dad.”

He wanted to make the point that he was a defender and JJ was a forward, but he knew his dad wouldn’t care. 

He was right.

Ward would wave a dismissive hand, continuing his praise for JJ

“Kid’s so chippy, makes up for his huge size disadvantage”

This one especially hurt Rafe, who was one of the biggest guys on the team

“I’ve never seen anything like his playmaking ability, no one else on the team even comes close to his vision”

Ward essentially became JJ’s foster-hockey dad, convinced this scrawny kid from the cut would Make It Big

JJ never had to pay a dime - travel & league fees completely covered, the latest gear waiting for him in the Cameron’s foyer before practice (after JJ would bike 8 miles from the cut before sunrise to make it on time for carpool)

When recruits started knocking? Ward was advocating for JJ (a sophomore), meeting with coaches from UND, Wisconsin, BU, BC - the big ones.

Ward helped him put together highlight footage - “It’s like a portfolio, son, so they can see what you can really do.”

Fielding calls from NTDP (which JJ was wary about, because...leaving the outer banks? In the middle of high school? - terrifying.)

Meanwhile, Rafe (a senior) was attempting to lock down his SINGULAR offer from Huntsville, and trying (but failing) to swallow any jealousy/animosity he had towards JJ and his dad.

Of course, JJ and Rafe’s teammates were Very Aware of the weird dynamic the OBX boys had - they would occasionally chirp JJ for his “sugar daddy,” chirp Rafe about playing with his “stepbrother”

Rafe & JJ would go along with it, internalizing any frustration, offering up some half assed comebacks in response

They both wanted out of the outer banks, if keeping their heads down and getting along was the way to do it - so be it.

But you know - boys.

One practice - late June, days before Rafe was supposed to head down to Huntsville to report for summer conditioning - one of their teammates made a particularly nasty comment

Spouting something about Rafe leaving, meaning Ward was finally able to put all of his time into his actual prodigal son: JJ.

Rafe saw red - he was on top of the guy in a matter of seconds, shoving him to the ice as he tried to rip his helmet off

All the years of frustration, of feeling second best in his own dad’s eyes, surged forward, and Rafe couldn’t stop it

JJ was the first to the scrap, trying to pull Rafe off of their teammate before any real physical damage could be done, yelling at him to “calm the fuck down!”

Rafe knew getting the reputation of the hothead who’d fight his teammates looked bad to the coaches, but he didn’t want to hear it - especially from JJ, who’d essentially ruined his life

Rafe shook him off - “Don’t fucking touch me, you wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for me, still playing street hockey with your dirty pogue friends on the cut.”

JJ flew back, face bright red from Rafe’s sharp comment - he fired back before he could think - “Whatever, you fucking loser. Have fun slumming it in Huntsville.”

Rafe glanced up, gritting his teeth as he chucked his glove in JJ’s direction, before skating towards him and shoving him over with his stick. He towered over JJ, sweaty hair dangling onto his forehead as he hissed - “Keep trying to pretend to be someone you’re not - we all know you don’t belong here.” 

Rafe threw his other glove at him, nailing JJ in the chest, before standing up straight, slicking his hair back with one hand -

“Fucking leech.”

[wiypt-writes]

Riding High

Ch25: Keep it Simple

Chapter Summary: The events of Boston behind them, Frank, Fliss and Mary look forward to Christmas…and Frank has a big surprise planned. 

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut…NSFW and NO UNDER 18s!!!

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

 A/N: So here it is, the last in the series Riding High. Thank you to everyone who has helped and re-blogged and commended in any way. Do not fear, Frank and Fliss will be back in the next instalment of their adventure Riding On

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Fliss Gallagher and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Riding High Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Chapter 24

If you should ever leave me, thought life would still go on, believe me, the world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I’d be without you…

"Mary can you just hold on a second, please!" Frank sighed, grabbing the back of her coat to stop her shooting off into the crowd that streamed down the busy Manhattan sidewalk. "But Frank!" she turned and looked at him, her woollen hat jammed down over her ears "I just wanna see the stall!" "Yeah but you can't just run off!" He grumbled and beside him Fliss gave a chuckle. He turned to look at her "who gets so excited about damned wooden tree ornaments?" "Oh hush!" Fliss leaned up to give him a pack, her cold nose brushing his. In retaliation he pulled the front of her baby blue sparkly bobble hat down over her eye and she shoved him in the chest, laughing. "Fuck you!" "Chance would be a fine thing" he grumbled, taking Fliss’ hand as they headed after Mary. "Awww is that why you're grumpy?" Fliss grinned as they walked "Coz you haven't had any in nearly 3 days?" Frank pouted "No." "Liar..." "Ok, look...Frankie has needs..." he whined "I completely over looked the fact hanging out with an 8 year old in the room would be a cock block." "Always the shower..." Fliss teased and Frank snorted. "Yeah, right. Can you imagine? I give it 3 minutes before she came looking for us." "We go home tomorrow. I'll make it up to you then." Fliss grinned and he sighed. "What?" She laughed. "It’s just...you look so hot in all this winter clothing." Frank grinned. And he meant it. Seeing her wrapped up in a coat, hat and scarf had made her look all cute and cozy...and it had done inappropriate things to him for some odd reason. "Hmmm, you know most men get more turned on the less clothing their girls wear." She teased and he grinned. "Yeah, well, I'm not most men" She gave him a smile which he returned with a soft kiss as they stopped by the stall where Mary instantly dived into looking at the array of ornaments. After a few moments of looking she handed Frank one in the shape of a reindeer stag, and a doe for him and Fliss before selecting a robin for herself. "I think they're so pretty." She looked at the bird in her hand "I saw one at Evelyn's over thanks giving." "Ever heard the saying robins appear when loved ones are near?" Fliss asked. Mary shook her head. "No" "Well, I don't know about here but certainly in England we say it because there is an old belief by some people that a robin is a message from heaven, that a loved one is watching over you." "Do you believe that?" Mary looked at Fliss. Fliss hesitated "Well when my Dad's dad died I was 20 and I remember getting up the morning after he died and there was a robin on the fence of the back garden. Bill told me it was my granddad Alex come to check I was ok." "Do you think it was? Really I mean?" "I dunno sweetheart." Fliss sighed "I'd like it to be true..." "Then you should believe it was." Mary said, looking at her "Because isn't that what faith is? Believing something you want to be true?" Fliss looked at Frank who smiled and gave a small shake of his head. She turned back to Mary, smiling softly as she dropped a hand to the back of her head. This kid was unbelievably wise, but with such an innocence behind it all. "Yeah, I suppose it is." Fliss nodded. "Do you think the robin I saw could have been my mom?" She asked, her eyes wide. Frank at that point stepped in, carefully picking an answer that was ambiguous so as not to say yes, but also not dampening her spirits. "If your mom could I'm sure she would come and see you, make sure you're ok." Mary gave a nod, before she turned back to the stall, her attention back on the ornaments. "We need a dog for Thor, and a cat for Fred oh...and a pony for Monty." "What about Cap and Heidi?" Fliss asked, moving to inspect the selection of decorations. "Oh, yeah!" "This is gonna bankrupt me." Frank grumbled, his hands on Fliss' hips, chin resting on her shoulder as he observed the two of them. "Scrooge" Fliss shot back with a smile "Do you think Verity and Bill will like this one?" Mary held up a snowman. "Absolutely" Fliss nodded. "And can I get one for Evelyn?" She asked, selecting a snowflake. Despite the fact that they were now well into the fifty buck range for fucking tree decorations, Frank couldn't help but want to smile at Marys face. She was so thoughtful, the purity behind it all was, as usual, humbling. So he nodded "Sure she will appreciate it." He smiled. He moved to lift her up so she could hand the ones they had picked over to the guy behind the counter who asked Mary what names she wanted on each one. As she told him, he allowed her to sit up on the edge of the little surface, held in place by Frank to watch as he burnt the names into each ornament before he bagged them up and she took them with a thanks. "Our first family tree stuff!" Mary grinned and Fliss smiled, bending down to give her a hug. They set back off towards the hotel, stopping by a burger joint for dinner before they dumped their bags and returned back out for their final evening in the City. Frank had loved every second of their trip, and so had Mary and Fliss. Seeing Mary's reaction to snow and the Christmas lights had been amazing, along with all the bands on street corners, people walking around dressed up. It was magical and he wasn't afraid to let his inner child come out to play either, as Fliss had just found out. "Whose idea was this again?" He asked as Mary was bouncing up and down in the queue. "Yours!" Fliss scoffed as he took Mary's hand in his right "I seem to recall the very visible horror on your face yesterday when I told you I'd never done it before..." "That’s because it's an abomination that someone who's 34 has never been ice skating." "I was a professional athlete." She shrugged "I was banned from doing anything deemed dangerous " Frank looked at her "What do they consider more dangerous than flying a half tonne animal almost 2 meters into the air?" "Bungee jumping, sky diving, jet skiing, water skiing, ice skating.." Fliss shrugged "just to name 5" Frank shook his head as the queue shuffled forward a little. It wasn't too long now, luckily they had timed it right by arriving 20 minutes or so before the next lot of General Admission to the famous Rockefeller rink opened so there weren't too many people ahead. After another 10 minutes they got to the front and Frank nudged Fliss out of the way as she tried to pay. She scowled at him and he simply rolled his eyes and handed his card over. It wasn't cheap but then, he was in New York. What was? Together they headed onto the ice. Frank, having done it a few times as a kid found his legs fairly quickly and didn't stop himself laughing as Mary's completely went from under her and she landed with a thump on her ass. "Here..." he chuckled, offering her his hand. He pulled her up and moved her in front of him. "Give me your hands..." Mary extended her arms to the side and he took her mitten clad hands in his, holding her in front of him. Fliss was moving tentatively behind him, using the sides for support a little. "Ok slide your right foot forward, like on your roller skates..." Frank said. Mary did as she was told "now left...right...left...right..." He continued his chanting and glanced over his shoulder to see Fliss was concentrating on her feet, her tongue poking out slightly. "You good?" "Yup." She said, raising her hand to give him a thumbs up before she skidded slightly and went down in a tangle of limbs. Letting out a laugh he gently pivoted Mary so she could hold onto the side and offered Fliss his hand. Pulling her up into his arms he held her steady for a moment whilst her laughing subsided. He watched her for a second, her face creasing up into those adorable dimples, eyes crinkled so much they were almost shut and her shoulders shook with the force of her giggles. "I fuckin' love you..." he grinned and she smiled at him. "Back at ya sailor" After another few laps Mary and Fliss had managed to get the hand of it which meant Frank could leave them a little bit as he went off for what he called a proper skate. The girls watched calling him a show off as he crossed his feet and turned, skating backwards a little. Both of them debated sabotaging him and tripping him up but they decided not to, instead they simply pretended they didn't know him, resulting in him grabbing Fliss from behind just beneath the large tree, and spinning her round to face him. "Can I help you?" She teased and he gave a snort. "Yeah, you can... Mary?" He called to her where she was trying to perfect a turn and failing as she almost stumbled again. She looked up and headed over. "Can you take our photo?" "Only if you're gonna kiss..." she replied, making smooching noises. "Well we can’t disappoint her..." Frank shrugged and Fliss grinned, her smile turning into a shriek as Frank quickly grabbed her hips before he took one hand, keeping the other round her back and dipped her so she was bending backwards, planting a sloppy kiss on her lips. She laughed against his mouth as he gave her a wink, before kissing her a little deeper and then setting her upright, his eyes boring into hers which were shining in the Christmas lights surrounding the rink. "Oh that was great!" Mary howled and he turned to face her as she handed his phone back. Frank checked the photo and had to smile, it was a dammed good shot. He showed it to Fliss and she beamed. "A framer?" She asked. "A framer." He agreed. It took them ages to get Mary to finally leave the rink. Even a bribe of hot chocolate, marshmallows and cookies wasn't doing it. Eventually Frank put his foot down and told her it was time to go as it was almost 9pm and they still had that tree to go see before they headed to Central Park for one last walk in the lights. After handing their skates back and retrieving their belongings from the lockers they followed the path to the tree. As they round the corner Mary gasped. "It's huge!" She turned to look at Frank and Fliss, her eyes wide "Oh my God!" Frank smiled kissed Fliss' cheek as Mary walked slightly ahead of them down the walkway that was flanked with smaller trees and the famous lit up trumpeting angels . As they caught her up he slipped his spare hand in his pocket, his fingers curling round the small, leather box inside. The damned thing had been burning a hole in his pocket since he had bought it in Boston just after Thanksgiving. Fliss, Verity and Bill had all stayed for a very pleasant week rounded off with a damned good proper Thanksgiving dinner and the three of them had flown home on the Friday, as Fliss was starting to stress about her business. He and Mary followed on the Sunday after she had been given the all clear to fly after a week’s check up at the Hospital. On his spare afternoon, he'd taken a trip into the city with one goal, and it had been surprisingly easy. The first jeweller he has walked into had a perfect ring, and despite the fact he had visited several others none of them caught his eye like that. So he had gone back and asked the assistant for a closer look. It wasn't a huge rock, white gold and emerald cut with in a pave setting, but everything about it had screamed Fliss. It was delicate and feminine but with a wonderful sparkle just like her. He knew that sounded so lame when he had told the assistant but she has just smiled and told him that if he had that much conviction, it must be right. He had been lost when she asked him what size, but in a sudden inspiration he had remembered the Pandora ring he had bought her when he had gotten his first new pay check as supervisor. He mentioned this to the assistant who beamed and said she could easily size it from that by using a simple conversion chart and told him to come back the following day. His sudden good spirit had fallen as he explained he couldn't do and asked her to see if here was anything she could do, even contemplating taking it and having it sizes back in Florida. But, after the shitty run of events over the last week, his luck was in after she returned 5 minutes later with a slip of paper, informing him it would be ready by the end of the day. When he had told Mary he was going to ask Fliss to marry him, she'd been so excited. She'd asked when, where and when he said he didn’t know she'd given him the most exasperated look on the planet. The only one of his friend who he had confided in, Greg, hadn’t been much help either, simply telling him to do it in a way that meant something to them both. Simply put he just hadn't a fucking clue. He had agonized over how to pop the question. On the boat? Or maybe a sunset on their favourite spot at St Pete's beach? Did he wait for New York? As such, Frank had taken to carrying the ring around with him, waiting for that moment when it felt right. So far it hadn't happened at home and as it stood New York wasn’t faring any better. He had thought about it at the top of the Empire state, but it had been too busy. Then there was a moment in Central Park after they had been snowman building that might have worked...until Fliss had nailed him in the face with a snowball. So they'd had a snowball fight instead. Then when walking over Brooklyn Bridge, the skyline behind them… then when they walked back to the Hotel after seeing the Lion King on Broadway, going the long way round to see the display in Macy's window all lit up...and then that moment before when Mary had taken a picture of them kissing under the tree on the ice rink... but none of it felt right. It didn't feel like the moment for them. But now something stirred in his gut. This could be it. It wasn't too busy, the place was gorgeous, right in front of the tree Fliss had been so desperate to see... Ok Adler, you can do this. Taking a deep breath he pulled the box from his pocket when he heard Mary give a squeal. "Oh...wow! Frankie look..." Fliss' voice was a whisper and she nudged him, pointing to the base of the tree. He followed her gaze to see a blonde haired man down on one knee, presenting a ring to a dark haired woman who had her hands clasped over her mouth. Frank slipped the box back into his pocket and stared at the man as he placed the ring onto his now fiancés finger and did his best to look like he cared when Fliss let out a soft "Awwww" The man looked around excitedly, his eyes falling on the three of them before he asked Frank if he or Fliss would mind taking a photo for them. "Course not buddy, congratulations." Frank smiled. Fucking prick... ***** "It was AMAZING!" Mary gushed to Verity as they walked to the car, Fliss' parents having come to pick them up from the airport. "we saw so much stuff but nowhere near all of it but Frank said we could go back next year in the summer maybe and do a bit more." "Looks like someone else had a good time too." Bill smiled, nodding to Fliss who let out a loud yawn. Frank chuckled "She was up all night, I told her not to have more food so close to bed time." "I wanted a hot dog and a pretzel." Fliss mumbled, "Besides, it's nothing to do with the food...we did a lot of walking." Bill gave a snort "You ride horses for a living, you should be fit enough to walk round New York" "I probably skated about 4 miles too..." Fliss said looking at Mary "Someone wouldn't come off the ice rink" "You been sleeping ok otherwise?" Verity looked at her "I'm fine mum." She smiled "No anxiety?" 'V, she said she's fine so leave it" Bill said gently and Fliss shot a grateful look at her dad. She knew her mum was only concerned but she was fed up of assuring people she was fine. After the attack from John she had suffered a bout of delayed shock which had manifested in a few panic attacks, nightmares, and restlessness at night and on one occasion nausea. Luckily Frank had been brilliant at keeping calm when she had an episode, helping her work through it and the last incident she had suffered had been over a week ago. Once they were all in the car, Frank took the passenger seat after Verity offered it to him, Mary continued to chat all the drive home about New York, Fliss and Frank butting in here and there. They arrived home little after 30 minutes later and Fliss headed up the steps with Mary, Thor almost sending the pair of them flying when they opened the door. "Oh puppy I missed you!" Fliss smiled as she gave him plenty of attention and he kept licking her face, whining and emitting quiet little barks. "Did you miss me? Did you?" "Yerress" Frank did his best Scooby Doo impression as he walked past and Fliss let out a laugh, as she stood up and headed into the living room behind Mary, bumping into the girl as she stopped dead, giving a squeal as she saw the Christmas Tree in the corner. "Mum, Dad?" Fliss called, smiling "I take it you did this?" Frank appeared behind them both, smiling as Fliss and Mary exchanged a glance before they all turned to Bill and Verity who were stood in the doorway. "Well we know how much you like to get your tree up as early as you can and, well we were picking one up for ourselves so we got you one. You don’t mind do you?" Verity, looked at Fliss then Frank. "No, of course not!" Fliss grinned. "Saved me a job." Frank nodded "Thanks guys." "Can we decorate it tonight?" Mary asked "Pleeeeeeeaaaasssseee Frank!" Frank glanced at his watch before giving a sigh, he knew she wouldn't go to bed if he said no anyway so what was the point? Plus she was at the University tomorrow which didn’t start until 10 so... "Ok, but if you so much as grumble tomorrow morning when I get you up you'll be in deep trouble." He looked at her sternly as she stooped to pick Fred up. "Cross my heart, hope to die, we all know Fred's got one eye..." she chanted off, nodding. "We brought your box of decorations from the annex." Verity smiled at Fliss, nodding to the box on the floor. "We thought you could pick what you want to keep now you're combining."

“Speaking of decorations…” Frank said, looking at Mary.

“Oh…yeah…hang on…” She said, running to the sofa where she had dumped her little pink rucksack. She fished out the paper bag they had gotten from the stall and found the Snowman they had bought. With a smile she handed it to Verity who looked down at it, her face curling into a smile as her eyes started to prick with tears.

“Fliss said you wouldn’t mind the names Mary wanted on them.” Frank said, watching carefully.

“Of course we don’t mind!” Bill smiled, picking Mary up to give her a hug “We are Nanny V and Poppa B ain’t that right kiddo?” “Yep!” she grinned, hugging him.

“We’ll save it to hang tomorrow when you come over after school.” Verity said as Bill set Mary on the floor and she hugged her tightly.

After a little more chat Verity and Bill left and Frank instructed Mary to change into her Pyjamas before they did the tree. Deciding that was a good idea, Fliss did the same and before long they were all in the living room. Fliss and Mary going through the boxes of decorations, Frank wrestling with the tangle of fairy lights. How they managed to get so fucking knotted up after simply being in a box for 12 months was beyond him.

He had just about managed it when Thor came over to inspect what he was doing, and dropped straight onto his back on top of the string.

“Thor…get out of it…” he grumbled, pushing the dog who simply rolled over, taking half the lights with him, tangling them round his legs and his tails. “Jesus Christ…stand still…for fucks sake…”

Thinking this was a huge game, Thor started to bounce around, barking, and Frank shook his head. “Fliss, sort this mutt out….” Fliss gave a laugh and dropped off the sofa, calling Thor to her. He sat down, allowing Frank to remove the lights before he stood up, shaking them out. Together the 3 of them wound them round the tree before they made a start on the decorations.

“Frank got me this for my first Christmas.” Mary said, hanging a red bauble which had her name on it. “The glitter has all fallen off it now.”

“We can add more if you want.” Fliss looked at her and Mary shrugged.

“I kinda like it.” It didn’t take them long, and their wooden trinkets from New York were the last ones they hung, Mary ensuring they took pride of place. Frank then lifted her up so she could place the star at the top before they stood back.

“Ready for the big turn on?” Frank asked, grinning. Mary and Fliss cheered and began a countdown from 5. When they hit 1 Frank hit the switch and the lights on the tree came to life. He stepped back, looking up at it, his arm curling round Fliss’ shoulder, his other dropping to Mary as she grinned.

“Best Tree ever.” she smiled.

“Yeah, and now it’s time for the best bed ever…” he looked at her.

“Seriously?” Mary complained

“No moaning, remember?” Frank instructed her. “That was in the morning.”

“Well I just extended it to now as well.” he said, shrugging “Because I can, so get…” “Fine, fine, I’m going…” she grumbled. “Night Fliss.” “Night sweetie.” Fliss dropped a kiss to her head before Mary shot a filthy look at Frank who met her with a passive one of his own.

“I’ll be in in a second.” Frank shot after her, watching as she headed down to the hallway. He turned back to Fliss who was watching the tree, a smile on her face.

“Not exactly up to Macey’s standards…” Frank chuckled and she shook her head.

“I love it.” “It looks like an Elf threw up on it.”

“All trees should be like that.” Fliss shrugged, before she gave his cheek a peck. “Now, you go sort Mary and I’ll get us both a beer.” “Actually…” he said, looping his arms round her waist. “I believe there was something else you promised me tonight…” “Oh, yes, of course, Frankie has needs…” she replied with an almost uncanny impersonation, which made him snort. “Does that mean no beer?”

“No beer.” “You want me to wait in bed.” “Yes I do.” he nodded “Go, I’ll let Thor out and lock up.”

Grinning she accepted his kiss and smiled as she turned around, casting him a quite frankly sinful look over her shoulder which almost had him hard right there and then. Not wanting to wait a moment longer he sorted the dog, locked the door, poked his head into Mary’s room to wish her goodnight, and headed into their bedroom. Fliss was hanging her jeans in the closet after having simply discarded them on the bed earlier, and wasting no time Frank pulled off his T-shirt, tossing it to the side before he stepped up behind her, spinning her round to face him. He pressed his lips to hers, deepening the kiss as he slid his hands down to cup her ass and she smirked into the kiss.

“I like your ass.” he muttered. “I like yours too” she said back, “And your arms”

He laughed and pulled back to look down at her as her fingers trailed up his biceps. “My arms?”

“Yeah, your big, strong arms, and your big, broad shoulders and your stupid, handsome face…” she muttered, pulling him back down to her. In between the dizzying kisses Frank steered her towards the bed, and as her legs collided with the edge he stopped to gently trail kisses across her bare collar bone. His lips found her jaw and then, with a wicked quirk of his eyebrow he reached down for her thighs, and grabbing them he pulled them forwards, causing her to fall backwards as he pitched them both onto the bed. As she laughed he chuckled slightly before he kissed her again, and then it was a scramble to get out of his clothes as fast as he could before he fell back on top of his girl, his hands pulling up her camisole top, lips kissing at the spot just below her ear before he slid down her shorts, his mouth gently kissing a trail up from her belly through the middle of her breasts, up her neck and finally back to her mouth.

Fliss was utterly lost now, in the usual whirl of love, and lust and passion and kissed him back, hard as his hand gently dropped between her legs and he felt her slick against the tips of his fingers as he gently coaxed at her clit, continuing until she was nothing short of a writhing mess clawing at his back, aching for him. They locked eyes as he took her left hand in his, and slowly worked into her, both moaning simultaneously at the sensation, Fliss’s eyes rolling back at the exquisite stretch inside. Frank began to move his hips slowly, deeply, his thrusts weren’t measured in the slightest despite the fact he was absolutely aching for her. He wanted to take it slow, end what had been an amazing trip in the same mood it had started in, absolute pure love.

His mouth moved back to Fliss’s neck, nipping gently at her skin and she let out low moan as he picked up the pace ever so slightly, his spare hand kept hold of her hip, keeping her as close to him as she could possibly be.

“Fuck, Frank, right there…” she groaned as he hit her spot and he smirked slightly, he loved the way she got like this with him, ever so demanding at times, such a far cry from the timid woman he had fallen for the previous year.

“Yeah?” he panted as she gave a soft cry, her body tensing underneath him “Good.” “So good…” she moaned, arching her back. His mouth found hers again and his hand slid from her hip to gently tease her nipple and she rolled her hips to grind up against him, changing the angle slightly causing him to go deeper.

“Lissy…” he panted as he drove into her deeply, slowly, and then again and again, his pace increasing ever so slightly. Every single sense Frank possessed was on fire and he broke the long, lazy kiss that they were sharing to stifle a moan against her cheek when he felt her clench around him, a tell-tale sign she was nearing her release. The sheets rustled underneath and around them both as his hips pushed up against hers, and Frank saw Fliss’ head tip back, her throat bared to him in utter bliss as she came hard, her moans soft and breathy into his ear. Frank picked up his pace slightly, chasing his own end as he pushed her through hers, and when he felt that snake in his belly beginning to unravel, he gave a low grunt which morphed into a gasp as he clung to Fliss, spilling himself into her, his hips slowing to a stop as he collapsed forward. Fliss gave a soft chuckle as her hands gently slid up his back and into his hair, as she moved and pressed a soft kiss to his head.

“I know I keep saying it but I really do fuckin’ love you Cowgirl.” he said, voice muffled as his face pressed into her neck.

Fliss gave a chuckle “I’ll never tire of hearing it Sailor. “

He moved to look at her, flashing her a grin before he caught her mouth in a sweet kiss. **** "You still not managed it?" Greg asked as they stood at the bar, waiting for their drinks. Frank sighed and glanced at Fliss who was sat with Bonnie in the booth, the pair of them sniggering at something. "Do you see a ring on her finger?" He looked at Greg. "No" "Well there's your answer." "What's the hold up, man?" Greg frowned. "Nothing has felt right." Frank sighed "she won’t want a huge fuss in front of people so that basically ruled out all of New York...bar one moment when I thought it was time, in front of the tree at Rockefeller...and then some douchebag went and beat me to it, proposing to his girl whilst we watched..." "You're over thinking it." Greg said, looking at Frank "Take a step back. When are the pair of you at your best? The time you enjoy most, I mean" "Honestly?" Frank shrugged "at night when Mary's gone to bed and we finally sit down and just watch TV or joke around." "Well there you go." Greg shrugged "What, at home?" Frank frowned "Why not?" Greg looked at him "the point isn't to be showy or flashy but to show her you wanna spend the rest of your life with her." Frank pondered this for a moment. Greg has a point. They were at their happiest doing the simple things, spending quiet time together, being fucking normal. Fliss loved it when they curled up and Frank would simply cuddle her close and kiss her head, easy signs of affection that she had craved all through her wreck of a marriage. And Frank loved it too, because it made him feel grounded, time for him to simply be Frank in his own right, the very thing he used to use his Friday night drinking sessions for. Now he could feel it every night, thanks to Lissy…

And then, suddenly an idea came to him, out of nowhere.

Oh, it was perfect! "Greg..." he smiled, slapping the man on the back "you are a genius." "Glad I could be of service." Greg smirked "This means I get best man duty, right?"

Frank smirked at him, shrugging, not giving anything away. His eyes flicked back to Fliss who had now stood up, Simon having returned to the table sliding in next to Bonnie. Frank’s eyes travelled up her bare legs, from her high-heels up to the short little pink playsuit she was wearing, which was printed with black palm trees and other patterns, the small straps settling on her tanned shoulders, the front showing him just enough cleavage. She was wearing a black butterfly necklace that she had bought in New York and her hair was loose, falling over her shoulders in soft curls. Her brown eyes locked onto his and he smiled as he remembered the last Circle Of Truth Christmas outing the previous year, when he had told her he loved her for the first time. And here they were, now 5 days away from their second Christmas together.

“Hey beautiful” he smiled as she reached his side. His arm curled round her and he pressed a kiss to her cheek “You ok?” “Yeah, just thirsty.” she smiled. “Can I get a water as well as my gin please?”

“Sure…” he turned to look at the bar tender who was pulling their drinks together. Once he had attracted his attention and added a bottle of water to the order he turned back to her as Greg spoke up.

“Frank said you enjoyed New York.” “Oh, it was fantastic.” she smiled “Every bit as magical as I thought it was going to be.”

“Good, I’m glad you all had a good time.” Greg smiled “You deserved it after everything that went down.” “Yeah well, he’s banged up now. His brother is going to go down for Endangerment or whatever it is you call it, its’ done, it’s over.” Fliss smiled, “We got the rest of our lives ahead of us now.” “Well, if that doesn’t call for shots then I don’t know what does…” Greg smirked as the bar tender placed their drinks in front of them.

“No, Greg…” Fliss started to protest but Greg cut her off.

“Yes Greg!” he smirked, turning to the bar tender, “Can I get a bottle of Tequila pal and 8 glasses.” Fliss groaned “I’m teaching at 9 am!”

“Dumbass…” Greg looked at her and Frank gave a snort.

“I told you to switch them out…”

“I can’t!” she pouted “I already did for Boston and New York…” “Well…” Greg smirked as the bar tender set the bottle and glasses down in front of him “Looks like you’re doing it with a hangover honey.” “Fuck my life…” **** Fuck my life indeed. Fliss spent the following morning throwing up, groaning once more that she was never drinking tequila EVER again. Frank reminded her of how many times she had said that over the time he had known her and she’d simply let out a huge fake sob and thrown herself face down on the bed again declaring that she didn’t want to adult anymore as it sucked.

The days before Christmas passed in the usual chaos. Presents were wrapped and stashed under the tree, more drinks were had with Friends. Evelyn visited for a few days, which had actually almost pleased Frank a little. She wasn’t staying for Christmas, her arrangements having already been made, but she had hinted that maybe next year she could, to which Frank and Fliss had both agreed. She had been taken with Mary’s gift to her and had laughed out loud when Bill and Verity had presented her with a case of Malbec, the same Malbec she’d smashed a bottle of over John’s head. Her gifts to them both had been a substantial chunk of money, in the thousands, and when Frank had protested at the amount on the cheque she had waved it off as 8 years of owed presents. Mary’s was wrapped so it was placed under the tree for Christmas morning. Evelyn headed back to Boston on the morning of Christmas Eve, Frank and Mary driving her to the airport instead of her driver, where they had both bid her a Happy Christmas and waved her goodbye as she headed off to spend it with her friends in Newton.

After the final preparations were made Frank, Fliss and Mary collapsed onto the sofa for a Marathon of Christmas Films. Mary was, as usual, excited and the copious amounts of chocolate and candy she was shovelling down weren’t helping either, but what the hell, it was Christmas after all.

"You ok?" Frank glanced at Fliss as she sat on the other side of the couch. Love Actually was playing, the final film of the evening before Mary went to bed. Fliss, however didn't look like she was paying attention. "Huh?" She looked at him, blinking. "I said are you ok? You look like you were miles away"

“Yeah, sorry, I was errr…just running through things in my head, making sure nothing was forgotten.” Frank smiled. They were hosting Verity and Bill tomorrow as Steven and his family were at his wife’s parents for this year, flying out instead of the 28th to spend New Year’s with them all. Fliss had asked Frank if they could host, as she’d never had the chance to do that before and of course he had agreed, not least because of the excited look on her face when she had asked.

“The table is set, food and everything is ready to go…” he chuckled, looking at her “Just relax…”

He reached round Mary, his hand gently rubbing at Fliss’ back and she smiled at him, turning her attention to the TV.

20 minutes or so later the film finished and Mary jumped up, grabbing Frank’s hand to make him dance to God Only Knows as the final closing scenes played out. He smiled and picked her up, resting her on his hip as he twirled her round to the song, the pair of them laughing before he eventually dropped her down and told her it was bed time. She scooted off, Fred trotting behind her, his tail swishing as she skipped and Frank headed in about 5 minutes later to tuck her in, before he came back to the living room.

“She wants you to go and say goodnight.” he smiled,

Fliss nodded and stood up.

“You sure you’re ok?” Frank asked.

“Yeah, honestly, I’m just tired.” she assured him. Giving him a kiss she headed up the hall and Frank watched her go before he smiled to himself, and set about quickly putting the last touches to his plan.

She came back about 10 minutes later and he smiled at her as she walked into the room.

“OK, now she’s out of the way…I got something for you...” Frank smiled.

Fliss looked at him before she shook her head, chuckling a little “I got something for you too…Frank, I have-” “Me first.” Frank cut her off.

She looked at him for a second, his bright blue eyes were shining as he grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine…” she smiled, “Ok, you first.” He grinned and then folded his arms “You gotta find it.” “What?”

“It’s hidden, on the tree, and you gotta find it.” Her face lit up as she gave a laugh “You are such a dork!” “Yeah, I know…” Narrowing her eyes playfully she moved to the tree, glancing at it. “Ok so it’s not very big then, seeing as I can’t see it straight away.” Frank shrugged as she continued her search.

“I haven’t put it high up, seeing as you’re a short ass…” “I’m perfectly average for a woman thank you.” “Trust me baby girl, nothing about you is average.” he winked and she let out a snort.

“Charmer.” she grinned, turning back to the tree.

“Ok, you’re miles off…” he said, and she moved to her right “Gettin’ warmer…warmer…ok, yep, nearly there…” Fliss continued to search, and then something caught her eye. There was something shiny handing from the nose of her Doe ornament. She stepped forward slightly, and when she realised what it was her right hand flew to her mouth. Frank’s breath caught in his throat as she spun to face him, her eyes wide.

"You, me and Mary have been hanging out together since August last year now...” he said, clearing his throat slightly “How do you feel about hanging with us forever?" He watched, holding his breath as Fliss' chest heaved with emotion as she looked at him, those brown eyes he could happily stare at all day were full of tears, the hand which had flown to her mouth in surprise was now shaking as it slid to the spot beneath her throat, that dip in her neck that he could nuzzle at forever. "I'll hang with you for as long as you'll have me..." she whispered, taking a deep breath. "Is that a yes?" Frank inhaled sharply and a watery laugh burst through her tears. "Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes!" Frank's face split into a huge grin "shit..." he sputtered before she threw herself into his arms and he lifted her up easily, her legs wrapping around his waist as he held her close, kissing her neck. She pulled back and placed a kiss to his lips, long and short pecks being shared as she laughed and he laughed, the pair of them simply lost in the moment until eventually he set her down and with a shaking hand he reached out to retrieve the ring from where it was hanging. Taking her left hand in his, with a deep breath he slipped the diamond onto her finger.

Fliss looked at it, admiring the way the delicate band sat underneath her knuckle, the beautiful diamond twinkling in the lights of the tree.

"Oh Frankie...it’s gorgeous..." she whispered, before she looked at him, taking his face in both his hands and pulling him down for a deep kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He smiled, kissing her again before he pulled away, his hands linking behind her back. 

"I err, got us some champagne." He smiled, "I know it was presumptive of me but figured we could have it tomorrow if you turned me down." Fliss looked up at him, blinking before she took a deep breath “First I need to get you…just wait here…” He released her from his hold and she turned and headed out of the room, Frank watched her go, blinking for a moment before he shrugged and headed to the fridge, the smile still plastered on his face. She said yes! 

Not that he had doubted she would, not really, but there had always been that little bit of fright she may have done. But that was all gone now. As he popped the cork on the bottle he found himself thinking about how he would be doing that soon enough on his wedding day. He poured 2 glassed and headed into the living room with them wondering if maybe a late Autumn wedding next year would be nice, October perhaps when it started to cool off slightly. They could do the beach wedding she always wanted, hire a marquee... Lost in his thoughts completely he jumped a little when Fliss spoke his name and turned to look at her as she stood in front of him, the back of his thighs brushing against the sofa slightly. He noticed her hand was in her pocket, clutching something. Playfully he nodded towards it “I assume that’s not a spanner." He chuckled, referencing the joke they often shared and Fliss shook her head, biting her lip. "No it’s a bit bigger than that" With a shaky hand she pulled out a small, white stick of plastic and held it towards him. It took Frank a moment to understand what it was and as soon as he did his eyes widened and he looked at her, then it, then back again.

"You're...we're...no!." he stuttered, reaching out to take it from her. "I found out this morning." Fliss whispered, watching his reaction carefully "I suspected last week but thought it might all be down to stress and stuff but..." "How, I mean..." "I should have started a new pill packet when we went to Boston but I forgot to take it with me. I thought I'd be ok if I started as soon as I got back but..." "There's a baby in there?" Frank cut her off as he stumbled over his words, nodding to her stomach "Yeah" Fliss nodded. "You put it there." Frank's legs grew shaky and he dropped onto the sofa, staring down at the test in his hands.

2 blue lines. 2 blue lines that had just changed his world forever. "I'm sorry, I know this is sudden and I should have been more careful..." Fliss took a tentative step towards him and he reached out, his hands on either side of her hips, gently pulling her t-shirt up. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to her belly, his forehead resting just above her navel. "I'm gonna be a dad." he pulled back, his eyes watering. "Frankie, you already are." Fliss said, her own tears once more springing forth. "I know you hate it when I say that about Mary but it's true." He looked at her, a dazed smile split his face into two as he pulled her onto his lap, where she straddled him, and he kissed her, hard, leaving her slightly breathless before he rest his forehead against hers. "Fuck, Lissy." he whispered, his eyes closed "You're cooking a little person..." She spluttered a laugh, nodding, her forehead brushing his as she did. "Was it made in Boston...is that the right word?" He pulled back to look at her and she laughed, brushing her hand through his fluffy hair as his gently reached out to rest against her stomach. "Yeah and most likely." "It's a little Boston Bean" he grinned and she laughed again, pressing her lips to his. "You're ok with it then? I know it's probably not what you would have planned but..." "Ok? Of course I'm ok!" He smiled "I love you and the thought of us making a little person that's half me, half you...fuck, it's amazing." She smiled and nodded, her voice a whisper "I know..."

"There is one problem." Franks said, his arms wrapping tightly around her. "What?" "You just ruined Christmas forever...because nothing is ever gonna live up to this ever again."

****** Fliss, Frank and Mary’s adventure continues in RIDING ON

[love-little-lotte]

Ranking the Bridgerton Books

I know I should write this in my book blog, but frankly, I have no idea how to make another section for it, and I'm too lazy to research. So, I'm writing here. Please bear with me.

Recently, I read the Bridgerton books by Julia Quinn. You might be familiar with the first book since it was adapted into a popular Netflix series by Shonda Rhimes. I binge-watched it back in December, and I have to say... not a fan. I guess I just find it too cheesy and annoying. Plus, the actors who portrayed Daphne and Simon had no romantic chemistry whatsoever.

But I'm not here to talk about the TV show. I'm here to talk about the novels! This is actually not my first time reading the books. Well, not exactly. I've read six out of the eight novels when I was in high school, I believe. I found the books when I was in high school as it was in the library (please don't ask me why my high school library has smutty novels in it, I have no idea who's in charge - they had Fifty Shades of Grey for a week but they eventually removed it from the catalog when they learned what's it about, but I digress). As a fifteen-year-old girl, the series hooked me.

If you're not familiar with the books or the Netflix series, here's a short synopsis: Set in the Regency era, the Bridgertons are one of the most influential families of the ton. The books follow the love stories of the eight Bridgerton siblings, alphabetically named Anthony, Benedict, Colin, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca, Gregory, and Hyacinth.

I didn't read it in chronological order back then, though. I just borrowed any available Bridgerton book in the library if there's one. You might think I was too young to read a romantic novel like that, but I guess I was mature enough to understand it.

Rereading it now that I'm twenty-two (cue Taylor Swift!), my heart's not in the same place. I was more skeptical with the writing, the story, and, most especially, the characters. But, really, I'm not that heartless, so I will cut the author some slack. Quinn wrote this at a different time for a different audience. It's not that long ago, but you'd be surprised how fast things change.

However, even though I have major criticisms, I cannot stop reading them. There's something about the novels that put me in a chokehold. Despite everything, I was able to enjoy it overall. This series is the definition of "guilty pleasure."

Anyway, here's my ranking of the Bridgerton books! I only read the eight main ones, which means I didn't include novellas of any kind. Also, as a fair warning, I might discuss spoilers and whatnot, so please beware. And do keep in mind that I'm writing my opinion, so if you don't agree, well... tough. I'd like to hear your comments, though, if you have any.

#8 - An Offer From A Gentleman (Book 3)

Honestly, this was probably one of my favorite Bridgerton books when I was younger. A Cinderella retelling? Come on! As someone who loves fairytales and forbidden romances, this was supposed to be heaven. However... it was not.

Benedict may be my least favorite Bridgerton brother. No, scratch that - he is my least favorite Bridgerton out of all of them. He's whiny and creepy and I was plainly annoyed with how he keeps asking Sophie to be his mistress in the novel. This was not the gentleman I imagined when I was younger. I might have liked him more in the first few parts, but as the story progressed, he became too childish and obsessive. Sophie, on the other hand, was all right. She's definitely one of my favorite Bridgerton heroines. She was tough but kind in her own way. I wish she had a better partner than Benedict, but I guess they suit each other in the end.

I just detest the climax and the ending of this book. It was too comical - and not in a hilarious way. I guess the same could be said for the entire novel. This was so, so different from the rest, to be honest.

Overall Rating: 3/10

#7 - On The Way To The Wedding (Book 8)

Fun fact: this is the first Bridgerton novel I read. And even then, I wasn't a huge fan of it. Just like An Offer From A Gentleman, the climax was a bit silly but more in a soap opera level than comical.

The biggest factor why I didn't like this was the characters. They were all so bland. Especially our hero and heroine. Gregory is the least featured Bridgerton in the novel, so I don't really know what to make of him at the beginning of the novel. In his book, I learned that he was a good guy - and that's all. Maybe he's too young and naive when it comes to romance (which is endearing, I have to admit), but he has no interesting personality whatsoever. Lucy, the heroine in this novel, was the same. She was described as pragmatic and sensible, which perfectly sums her up. Also, she's a great friend to Hermione (whose last name is Watson, by the way, and you can't tell me otherwise that this isn't a Harry Potter reference - Hermione Granger and Emma Watson? If that's not a reference, well, that's a very crazy coincidence, but I digress again). Gregory and Lucy's story was average - not bad, not good, just so incredibly dull.

The fun parts started way too early. It was difficult to find intrigue in the middle and end bits. The second main conflict, which happened near the end of the book, was truthfully not that good and was just obviously a ploy to keep things longer. You'd think that the Bridgerton novels would end the series with a bang. Alas, it did not.

Overall Rating: 4/10

#6 - To Sir Phillip, With Love (Book 5)

Eloise finally gets her turn in her own love story. She used to be one of my favorite Bridgertons, but when she got her own story, she was reduced into a plain girl. Gone was the feisty and outspoken Eloise we knew from the previous books.

Maybe it's because she's paired up with one of the most insufferable Bridgerton heroes, Sir Phillip. Just an inch away from Benedict, Sir Phillip maybe my next least favorite character. And it annoys me so much that Eloise gets to fall in love with someone like him.

It actually started pretty well. Before the events in the book started, Eloise and Phillip had already been corresponding for a year through letters. Phillip was on the lookout for - not a wife - but a mother for his two unruly children, and he thought Eloise was perfect for the role. He's a terrible father, but the book tries to convince us that it's not his fault because he had a bad upbringing by his own father (a recurring theme in the Bridgerton books - four heroes are plagued with different daddy issues). Eloise tried her best to turn things around, and of course, she eventually did, but I just really hate Phillip's initial intentions for seeking out a wife. He gets better in the end, sure, but I still really don't like him. At least the book wasn't short of excitement, else it would've been rated a bit lower.

Obviously, my favorite part in this book was when the Bridgerton brothers stormed into Phillip's house. He got what he deserved, truly.

Overall Rating: 4/10

#5 - The Duke and I (Book 1)

Now, this is the most well-known story in the Bridgerton literary universe, thanks to the Netflix series. I know I've said that I wasn't a fan of the series, but really, the Netflix writers and producers deserve all the gold in the world because they managed to transform this novel into something exciting.

Daphne and Simon had their moments, that's for sure, but as a couple, they were just so... meh. I liked their relationship at the start when they were still pretending to be courting. But as soon as they got married, everything interesting about the two of them sizzled out. And please don't get me started with how Daphne "took advantage" of drunk Simon. Thank God the show fixed that.

Despite my mixed feelings, this was a decent start to the Bridgerton books. There's really nothing majorly wrong about this novel (except for the aforementioned "taking advantage.") It laid out the future characters well. Lady Whistledown was also great. Thinking about her made me miss her because she wasn't featured in the later novels (you'll soon find out why).

Overall Rating: 5/10

#4 - It's In His Kiss (Book 7)

Since Eloise was stripped away from her feistiness when she got her own love story, I was obviously worried for Hyacinth. Thankfully, she didn't change! She was still the same tactless girl in the previous books. And for that, she gets to be my champion as my favorite Bridgerton.

This is the first time I've read this book, and oh, I'm surprised with how exciting it was. Hyacinth's hero, Gareth, perfectly suited her. Gareth was able to tame her impulsiveness, while also proving to be a good romantic partner for her. I loved that he could match her intellectually, too. It was never a bore whenever they have one of their silly banters. Lady Danbury was also featured more in this novel. She's one of my favorite side characters. As Gareth's grandmother, she was determined to bring him and Hyacinth together.

Maybe the only criticism I have in this novel is Gareth's issues with his father. I find it really weird that most of the heroes' problems are with their fathers. It just seemed lazy writing, in my opinion. But oh well, Gareth was interesting in his own way and that's perfectly fine.

Overall Rating: 6/10

#3 - Romancing Mister Bridgerton (Book 4)

I have a feeling that this is Quinn's favorite Bridgerton book. In this book, it's Colin's turn to find love. Colin is featured in several of his siblings' stories - in fact, in almost all of the books, he had an important role to play.

I love Colin and Penelope's story. Long before this book, they already knew each other. Penelope was Eloise's best friend, and she's almost always in the Bridgerton household. Colin has been forced by his mother for God knows how long to dance with Penelope every time there's a party. But it was only now that they became closer. Unbeknownst to Colin, Penelope had been in love with him for half her life, even though he didn't particularly care for her. Penelope speaks for all of us who know about unrequited love all too well.

Furthermore, this is the novel where they finally reveal who was behind the Lady Whistledown column. Yes, viewers of the Netflix series who are not familiar with the books. This is the part - and not in the first book! I'm so mad that they revealed Penelope as Lady Whistledown in the first season of the series, when in fact it's much later than that.

However, that's also one of the lowest points of this novel for me. Lady Whistledown's identity reveal was a bit anti-climactic. A little bit laughable, even. Also, also, also: I hated Colin's reaction to Penelope's secret. He didn't have to be angry and jealous of her, but ah well, whatever makes for conflict. Nevertheless, I love both Colin and Penelope because they had so much character and depth. Quinn was certainly biased when she wrote this.

Overall Rating: 8/10

#2 - The Viscount Who Loved Me (Book 2)

Remember earlier when I said that I cannot stop reading the books because even though I knew it wasn't that good, it was still highly enjoyable? Well, I'm really talking more about this book, to be specific. I think I've read it in less than 24 hours because of how much I love it. And yes, Anthony and Kate had their obvious flaws, but oh God, they were so perfect together. I can't help but imagine Jonathan Bailey from the Netflix series as Anthony when I was reading it. I swoon, all the time.

This used to be my favorite Bridgerton novel, but that's only because I haven't read my new favorite until recently. Anthony and Kate's story was just oh-so good and intimate and romantic. Kate's also my favorite heroine in the entire Bridgerton literary universe. She was headstrong and loving. She's unafraid to put the happiness of her family first.

In so many ways, Anthony was the same. He assumed the role of Viscount Bridgerton when he was only eighteen when his father unexpectedly died. Since then, he overlooks the family's estates and well-being. Yes, this is one of those "daddy issues" stories I mentioned earlier, but this one was kind of done tastefully. He didn't wish to fall in love but everything changed when he encountered Kate. He didn't mean to be attracted to her, but here we are.

Anthony and Kate had so much understanding between them. I agree Anthony was a bit of a dick when Kate asked if they could have one week to get to know each other before consummating the marriage (worse things have been said by Benedict and Phillip, though), but in the end, I can't deny that I truly love them together.

Overall Rating: 8/10

#1 - When He Was Wicked (Book 6)

*blushing furiously* So what if I put the smuttiest and steamiest novel as my top choice?! What about it? Oh, but really, though, I can't stop reading this. Francesca is one of the least known Bridgertons in the books, just like Gregory. I didn't know anything about her, except that she's quieter than most of her siblings. It was also first mentioned in Romancing Mister Bridgerton that she had already married but was sadly widowed after two years.

Michael was Francesca's late husband's cousin and best friend, which makes him her best friend, too. He has been secretly in love with Francesca since the first moment he laid eyes on her but was unable to pursue her because she's with his cousin John. In addition, I'd like to say that Michael is my favorite hero in the Bridgerton books. He's very charming and wicked, and really, my knees buckle at the thought of him.

Long after John passed away, Francesca and Michael reunited. Francesca was looking for a new husband because she desperately wants a family, while Michael... well, Michael was still in love with her. There was undeniable passion and intimacy between them, and it was hard to stay away from each other. I seriously have a thing for men secretly pining over women they love. That's got to be one of my favorite tropes.

However, the book itself was a bit longer than necessary. While I understand Francesca's hesitations in marrying Michael, it could've been shortened because it felt draggy by the end. Her constant changing of minds was a bit annoying, and yeah, it was probably a ploy to lengthen the novel.

Additionally, I was a bit skeptical at first of how they're going to treat their relationship, especially since Francesca was truly in love with her first husband. But it was done so nicely. Francesca and Michael never forget about John, even in the end. I loved what John's mother said to Michael in a letter at the end, "Thank you, Michael, for letting my son love her first."

I guess I love their story more than the other couples because both were already mature and experienced. Just like everyone else in this romantic series, Francesca and Michael belonged together. The entirety of Chapter 19 is proof of that.

Overall Rating: 9/10

***

Overall, the Bridgerton books are quite entertaining, despite being a cheesy and sappy series. I admit that I feel quite lonely and bored now that I've finished all eight of them. Ah well, there's always the possibility of rereading them!

[galadrieljones]

Re: bethyl... Are you working a ‘seven years for Rachel to get Leah instead’ angle? 👀 (Trying to figure out from your semi-cryptic message on your other blog)

 Anon!

When I saw the name I went into hyperdrive. I love all the Old Testament allusions in The Walking Dead. Sometimes they’re overt, sometimes they’re implied. This one feels like both. And now I’m just going to go into it:

Season 10 Spoilers Ahead

Reading Daryl and Beth Through a Biblical Lens: Who is Leah?

FIRST: Who is Jacob? Jacob and his brother Esau are important characters in the book of Genesis. I have thought of Daryl as a Jacob character before. Jacob was one of the three Biblical Patriarchs of the Israelites, born in Canaan. He’s a patriarch for his people at the beginning of a new world, a younger brother, “the good son,” cunning, brave, but more a lover, a traveler, not a fighter like his older brother Esau. He sleeps alone on the riverbanks, has visions, wrestles an angel all night long and never gives up. When Jacob’s mother, Rebecca, was pregnant, she asked God why she felt so unwell. God told her that she was carrying fraternal twins, and that they were fighting in the womb, and that they would fight forever. He told her that one day, “the elder would serve the younger.” Esau was born first, then Jacob, holding onto his heel. Jacob means “heeled” or “supplanted,” superseded, undermined. Like Daryl, living in the shadow of his brutish older brother who will hamper him for much of his young life, but who he is destined to overtake. 

Jacob and Esau. Merle, like Esau, is a big, mean brute. He is even described as being covered in red hair. Esau itself means “red” in Hebrew, echoed by Merle’s “redneck” past. By far the less intelligent, the less compassionate, a hawk where his younger brother is a dove. They are patriarchs for separate nations (in the Bible: the Israelites and the Edomites). In the Bible, Jacob flees Canaan after his brother threatens to kill him for usurping his birthright (which Esau “sold” to him, btw, for a simple bowl of stew). Similarly, Daryl must beat or outrun or escape his older brother’s abuse, sometimes directly, sometimes metaphorically, and eventually Merle is at his mercy and “serves” him in the end--re: “the elder will serve the younger”--by sacrificing his life to save Daryl and his people from the Governor.

Jacob’s Ladder. There are two episodes of TWD with big Jacob’s Ladder themes, in which Daryl is directly involved: “Chupacabra” (2.5) and “Chokepoint” (9.13). Jacob’s Ladder refers to a vision that Jacob has of a tall staircase leading up to heaven, with angels climbing up and falling down. The angels that fall represent the coming, various exiles of the Israelites, falling down to signal that the Jews will overcome; however, one angel, representative of the Edomites, or Esau’s descendants, gets very close to the top, signaling Jacob’s fear that he/his people will never be able to overcome his older brother’s power. God promises Jacob from the top of the ladder that Esau, too, will eventually fall. 

The season 2 episode “Chupacabra" shows Daryl falling down and then climbing up a steep hillside, injured, to a bright light at the top, while battling visions of his angry big brother, who he ultimately vanquishes. In “Chokepoint,” Daryl fights Beta (also a total David and Goliath allusion) at the top of a high tower, and he pushes Beta down a steep elevator shaft. Jacob and his people, the Israelites, like Daryl and his group, must overcome numerous trials and exiles, escaping their captors, again and again. 

Meanwhile it is interesting, though perhaps purely in my own self-interest to note that the little house on the way to Haran where Jacob slept and had his vision of the ladder, he named Bethel, aka “House of God.” 

Rachel vs. Leah. And then there are Jacob’s two wives: Rachel and Leah. This is where my Jacob comparison starts to come together on a new level. This Jacob character gets paired with a Leah? Like, no. In Genesis, after leaving Canaan, while on the run from Esau, Jacob goes to his uncle Laban’s farm in Haran. Laban has two daughters: Leah the eldest and Rachel the youngest. Rachel is described as a fair and beautiful shepherdess who Jacob falls in love with. Jacob promises Rachel’s father that for seven years he will work for him, and in return, he will be allowed to marry Rachel.

BUT

After seven years, on their wedding night, Jacob is tricked into marrying Leah instead. Leah is older and described as having sad or “soft” eyes. She appears to him in a veil with her true identity concealed. After the wedding, Jacob is obviously upset. He is in love with Rachel. He waited seven years to marry Rachel. But her father thought he should marry the older girl instead. Laban agrees to then let Jacob marry Rachel as well, if he works on his farm for seven more years. Jacob agrees. 

The story goes on. Leah has many children with Jacob, but Rachel struggles to conceive. Still and always, Jacob favors Rachel, his first love. Eventually, Rachel has a son with Jacob--Joseph, who, as Jacob’s favorite son, Jacob would later gift with the “technicolor dream coat.” Even after Rachel’s death, Jacob does not favor Leah. He takes up with Rachel’s handmaiden instead. 

In this story, Beth will represent the Rachel character: A fair and beautiful shepherdess, younger sister, and farmer’s daughter. Like Beth, Rachel is also characterized as outspoken and brave, having questioned God’s treatment of the Israelites, and questioning with such force, that God responded to say that basically, he was sorry, and they would eventually make it back to their homeland. Rachel is a classically maternal character who famously cries for and defends her children. 

Timeline. The timeline is suspicious. Seven years Jacob waited for Rachel, only to, as you put it “get Leah instead.” If we look at the approximate timeline for The Walking Dead, we can deduce that, at the time of season 10c, and our very convenient Leah spoilers, roughly 7-8 years have passed since the prison's fall and the subsequent events of “Still” and “Alone.” If we apply this to the Daryl/Jacob and Beth/Rachel lens, we can deduce that Daryl has waited for Beth for ~seven years and is now being served, in a surprise twist, someone named Leah. Someone we have never met before, who, up until now, has been “in disguise.” 

Biblical Allegory. It’s worth mentioning that The Walking Dead uses a lot of Biblical imagery and allegory in its storytelling. Whether it’s Rick as Abraham to Carl’s Isaac, or smaller examples such as with characters like Samuel (prophecy kid) or Aaron (Moses’s spokesman). There are many more. The trials and tribulations of Rick’s people can also be looked at through the same lens as the trials and tribulations of the Israelites in Exodus. I mean, think frogs and pestilence, contaminated rivers, diseased livestock, massive storms. Daryl is not a character in the comic books, and neither is Beth. Their characters and character arcs would make sense as extensions of the showrunners’ obvious love for Old Testament storytelling and symbolism. Jacob’s deception and love for Rachel is a good story, and tbh, it kind of makes sense here? 

Conclusion. This is a Biblical analysis of a character arc. I’m not trying to argue that this is foreshadowing Beth’s return. Please don’t quote me on that. BUT: it can be read that way, if you want to use this as meta-analysis of how the show sets patterns for its storytelling. I do recall hearing things about how the showrunners possibly “cancelled’ Bethyl at the last minute, due to backlash over the age difference. If they wanted to make her into Rachel instead, bring her back seven years later, so that she’s no longer nineteen and has lived a little in the world, without Daryl, and to double down on the Daryl/Jacob allusions, while also solving the “Beth is too young” conundrum, I think that would be.....interesting, to say the least. If it is intentional, and I’m not saying it is, but if it is, it’s possible it was planned farther in advance as well? Who knows.

[aziraphales-library]

Hey!!! I’m kinda new, and I’d like to know if you can recommend me some good GO fics? My only request it’s that they should mostly be Teen Up or Gen s fics... and maybe some good AUs (I’m in love with those)

Okay, here we go!! I went a little all out on this post because it’s more about personal preference, but I still stand by it :D

An Angel who did not so much Fall In Love as Settle Into It Gradually by TheLadyZephyr - 7.5k - Rated T

Crowley was standing in the middle of the room, hands in his pockets, looking a little lost. Aziraphale eyed the distance between them. Five steps. Five steps, and six thousand years, and a battlefield spanning an eternity.

The story of the little moments over the millennia that shape an angel’s regard for a demon, and the way he slowly, with great reluctance but inevitable surety, falls in love.

I simply adore this fic. It’s one of those fics that follows them through the ages and its just done so well. I don’t even know what else to say, just that you should go read it, and the fanart is also gorgeous!

Something So Magic by apliddell - 3.9k - Rated G

Crowley gets stuck in his serpent form, and Aziraphale tries his best to help.

This fic is simple, yet adorable, and I cannot get enough of it. 

How Much To Give, How Much To Take by thechemicalgirl - 3k - Rated G

“It’s like…’ he paused, trying to calm down. ‘It’s like after I came back from Heaven and we switched our bodies back, something has happened. I can’t use my power anymore, not even to start the Bentley.”

Crowley loses his demonic abilities and Aziraphale tries to help him cope with it, but things get much more complicated than that.

Angsty, but also soft, and just a great execution of a favourite premise.

In Peace I Will Both Lie Down and Sleep by fizzybiscuits - 5.6k - Rated G

Aziraphale starts having nightmares. For some reason, he doesn’t talk to Crowley about this right away.

Title is from Psalms 4:8. “In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

This fic just has everything. It’s a stellar example of an established relationship fic and is cavity-inducingly fluffy.

Be All My Sins Remembered by CloversDreams - 43.4k - Rated T

“The trial,” Beelzebub continued loudly, “will consist of seven tests.”

“Seven…” Aziraphale muttered under his breath. He had a bad feeling about this and it showed. He twiddled his thumbs nervously as he waited for more details.

Crowley scrunched his face and shook his head. “Oh you don’t mean–”

“Correct. The Sins have been charged with the task,” Beelzebub interjected.

“Crap.” Crowley groaned. He slapped his hands onto his face and dragged them downward slowly. This was just what they didn’t need.

Gabriel nodded. He had a rather unpleasant grin on his face as he said, “Don’t know much about them, myself, but they can be a pretty gnarly group of high-class demons from what I’ve heard. On par with the archangels back home. Wouldn’t want to… what’s that delightful human phrase? Oh, right. Wouldn’t want to cock this up.”

Listen, in my opinion, this fic is massively underrated. I unintentionally binged it all in one go because it was so gripping. The angst in some chapters had me practically screaming, and the whole idea is a brilliant take on the seven deadly sins. The pining is magnificent, and I live for the Husbands drama. 

Let Sleeping Snakes Lie by Blue_Sparkle - 2.6k - Rated G

Aziraphale confesses his love for Crowley when he can contain it no longer. Oh, not to the demon himself of course. To a sleeping snake.

Another fic featuring Snake!Crowley, this one is magnificently soft, and I adore the scene in Stardust it’s inspired by. Just can’t stop coming back to read, 10/10 recommend!

Serpent of Eden, Original Tempter by noodlefrog - 33.4k - Rated T

During Crowley’s trial, the agents of Hell present evidence that the demon has been fraternizing with the enemy. Careful to protect Crowley’s pride (and his own concealed feelings), Aziraphale turns on the saunter and leans into his friend’s reputation as a tempter to spin their relationship into something that looks more demonic than lunch dates and feeding the ducks.

This fic combines Pining, Misunderstandings, and a fantastic ‘what if?’ for the execution scenes, and I am here for it. The Original Characters are written fantastically well, and I loved the bonus chapter!

What They Say About Assumptions by DragonGirl - 7.9k - Rated T

While it’s true that God bestowed upon the angels the divine power to sense love of all kinds, that does not mean they were given the ability to sense exactly who or what that love is directed at. A minor design flaw that hasn’t been much of an issue. Until now.

Or:

Aziraphale has known that Crowley loved someone since the beginning. He’s also spent most of that time believing that someone was a demon.

Aziraphale’s obliviousness in this fic was so ridiculous it felt plausible. It was hilarious but also heartwarming, and has one of my fave love confessions. It was angsty as hell in the best way, and I just implore that you read it!

Futile Devices by ticketybye - 3.2k - Rated G

Crowley pretends to sleep. Aziraphale talks.

Just adorable. Cavity inducing fluff and love confessions are my favourite things and god does this deliver on that.

Foolish Principality by seashadows and WikdSushi - 6.6k - Rated M

Upon moving into a South Downs cottage, Crowley gets left alone while Aziraphale rushes to help the new proprietors of his bookshop. Thanks to a miracle gone wrong, Crowley discovers Aziraphale's greatest material secret, and a few things neither of them could ever fully face.

Is rated M but in my opinion there��s nothing too bad in here, though you should judge for yourself. The poetry is beautiful, horrifying masterpieces, and it is honestly fantastically funny and sweet.

——

Y’all know by now that I adore anything by Arinia, but this fic is one of my faves:

Just This Once by Arinia - 2.7k - Rated T

An idea came, slowly at first, before filling up his heart, setting every nerve alight. It might be another decade, another century even, before he saw Crowley again. No one had come to rescue him from Above. No one had chastised Crowley for wasting a miracle from Below. Perhaps, just this once…

The streets of Paris are soaked with blood, and Aziraphale realizes just how much he owes Crowley for saving his life.

It’s freaking adorable, the kissing is fantastic, and I have a secret love of the French Revolution that made me love the fic all the more. Read it, I beg you.

——

As for AUs, I don’t read loads, but I do have some faves!

Neighborly Affection by Thestarlitrose - 4.6k - Rated T - Human AU

Anthony J Crowley was four years old the first time he met the tiny Ezra A Fell; he wasn’t impressed.

He was forty-six when he found him again in a bookshop in Soho.

The Childhood Friends, Flower Shop, Christmas, Friends to Lovers fic nobody asked for in the middle of October.

This fic is a complete tangle of tropes, and it’s also incredibly sweet. Perfect for the fast approaching holiday season!

a book elegantly bound by AwkwardPotatoChild - 6.5k - Rated G - Library AU

Two idiots. One book series.

or alternatively, Aziraphale and Crowley are united over their common love of books and the scheming of one Miss Anathema Device

This fic manages to be both very funny and incredibly endearing at the same time. The book names were hilarious, and I adored Anathema’s matchmaking.

A Jaunt Or Two by sonicsora - 3.1k - Rated T - Human AU

They meet by happenstance twice over, only to end up quite woven into one anothers lives. It’s all quite accidental, but sticks.

Crowley realizes a bit belated he’s quite attached to this man who freely uses the word jaunt and wears cream-colored suits.

This fic is just adorable. It’s sweet, fluffy, and exactly my kind of thing. Also Gabriel’s a dick in the comedic way, which is fun to see.

Restoration by arealshitwizard (gaiusgallus) - 2.6k - Rated G - Human AU

Ok I had this idea in my head and it wouldn’t go away so here is Aziraphale as a painting restorer and Crowley as a flash stock broker… There’s just one chapter sorry for my sins

This is a really unique fic (I know I keep saying that, but it’s true!), and featured such fun interpretations of their characters!

——-

I’m aware that 90% of this list is very specific to my preferences, and that it got a little out of hand, but I hope y’all enjoy the recs anyway! XD

Does the blog have any favourites they’d like to share?

~ Mod B

[ace-of-sspades]

A ranked top ten list of my favorite Bastille Covers/Live performances/and OPH stuff:

Basically a compiled list of stuff I’ve found over the course of 5 years of binge watching Bastille content on YouTube as a coping mechanism. Most of it is like super popular, some of it is less known, all of it I’m unhealthy obsessed with.

Edit: Heres a link to a playlist with all the songs (and the part two (in the reblogs)). Original had each song linked but it got my blog flagged.

10. Flaws (Abby Road)- I’m so torn about this slot because I had so many options, but ultimately I chose this rendition of flaws. Flaws is such an emotion filled song and Dans voice really carries that in this performance. The strings are also a really nice touch.

9. The Driver- By far this is my favorite OPH pt III song. It’s very one of their heavier songs (lyrically and with the guitar) and it’s a masterpiece. It says something about the subtlety of the lyrics that I could get it was about Romeo and Juliet (at least partially) without any lyrics explicitly stating that.

8. bad_news (stripped)- This song has also gotten me though some shit, I love the released version but this sound check is literally heart wrenching. I love Wills addition too and Dans voice the smoothest thing ever in this. It’s addictive to watch I stg.

7. Locked Out Of Heaven- The comments on this video are always a trip, but this is a very good rendition of a song I never really liked before I heard this. It’s gotten me though some heart break I’ll just say that.

6. Walk to Oblivion- This is so damn good. And it got me recently obsessed with OPH pt. II. It’s literally like a march to hell in 2 minutes. I love the bit with Ralph but OhMyGod the part when the armor clanking sound and Dan just waling the chores to Oblivion is so haunting, also the backing vocals and the whispering/chanting is equally haunting. I just wish it lasted more than 50ish seconds.

5. Fake It (Reorchestrated)- This is by far my favorite reorchestrated piece. Something about is is very cathartic to listen too. The choir and orchestra add so much, I love the enthusiasm of the conductor and the lady who starts the song off (I believe her name is Bim) is so talented. The audio might be off in this video, I can’t tell if it’s the video or my dumb phone.

4. Anyone But Me X Nightmares- This cover/mashup came out this summer and it was all I could listen too for weeks. It’s amazing, and I’m a big fan of the voice effect used for part of it. Also this is another example of Dan “I hate being the center of attention” Smith totally rocking the spotlight but the real showstopper is Charlie especially around 2:45 in the video 10/10 would recommend.

3. No Angels (Through the Years)- This is a super popular cover of theirs from OPH pt II. And I’m in love with it, especially the versions with the full quote from psycho. This particular video is a little choppy, it’s a fan edit of their live performances of this song thought the years and while it’s not the best way to hear the song for the first time it’s supprisingly well done and it’s really cool to see the progression.

2. Choices- It’s hard to put into words the way I feel about this song. It one has a ton of tallented artists on it, and it’s by To Kill A King but I love Dan and Wills contribution to this version and it’s one of the most nostalgic experience, and I always have it playing on repeat in the late summer/fall because it has those vibes. It’s over all amazing 10/10

1. Blame (Vevo Presents)- Okay these top 3 were really hard to order but ultimately Blame is my favorite song off of Wild World and this is my favorite version of it. Also I found it very recently so I am very obsessed currently. I highly recommend all of the WW VEVO Presents stuff (Send Them Off! Is also excellent). Their sound is very crisp and recorded well in this one, and the video is so so spectacular. Especially the last 30 seconds, it’s a total mindfuck (warning for lots of flashing lights)

There it is, I hope this is helpful to someone. I mean I’m in love with all of these and it sucks that it took me so long to stumble upon some of them. In my opinion what makes Bastille so versitial, interesting, and over all just great is their ability to transform old songs/concepts into something new and I hope this is a way to celebrate that. If you’re a fan and you haven’t checked some of these out I highly recommend it, and if you have no clue what I’m talking about maybe you’ll find your new favorite band. Who knows, but yeah, cheers

[margridarnauds]

Hey there loving your blog! If I'm not imposing too much, can you talk about tohobeth? Any version and anything at all!

I ALWAYS have time to talk Tohobeth. Since I feel like it would be unfair to talk about productions I haven’t personally seen, I’m going to keep my discussion mainly to the 2015-2016 production, since I have the DVD on it. My views on it aren’t as solid as they are on, say, 1789 or MA, mainly because, somewhat embarrassingly, I only got my DVD AFTER I left the States, with my mom scanning the files in and sending them on to me via GDrives. And, with my Master’s program....well. I’ve not been able to watch it anywhere near to where I usually do before forming hard opinions. (Generally speaking, it takes about....six months or so for me to REALLY settle into my opinions, though, as you can see re: Lady Bess, there are a few times where my opinions are still variable after years.) 

It’s a fact well known at this point that I’m not the biggest Hanafusa Mari fan in the world, and it’s also a fact that she was recorded as Elisabeth twice, as opposed to Hana Ranno, who was double-cast in the role with her, getting a DVD of her own. Was I happy about this? No. Whenever I see Hana Ranno footage on Youtube, I feel this sort of ache in my chest because I REALLY would have loved to see her Toho Elisabeth. Maybe she wouldn’t have been a personal fave, maybe I would have actively hated her performance, but as it is, she’s acquired a semi-mythical significance to me now as The One That Fell Into Oblivion. 

Such a pity she couldn’t show up on the DVD. Such a pity. 

Part of why I’m so scathing, of course, is that I tend to REALLY like getting both casts so that I can see the differences between performers, and, with a musical called “Elisabeth” that obviously has Elisabeth as a protagonist...it can almost feel like getting half of what I normally get. It’s still good, I still do recommend the DVD, obviously, but also if I could go back in time to talk to some Toho execs and be like “Look, guys.....record both Sisis.” 

Now, I come not to bury Hanafusa Mari, but to praise Tohobeth, so I won’t be too far on the attack here especially since, to be perfectly fair, I feel like Elisabeth is the single best Toho performance of hers I’ve seen (between Mozart, Lady Bess, Marie Antoinette, and Elisabeth). She’s been playing the role since 1996, so she has very much fine-tuned her interpretation at this point, and there are MANY people who feel like she’s the definitive Japanese Elisabeth. This is the role, more than any other single role, that made her a legend in the industry. I personally feel like she REALLY starts hitting her stride about midway through the first act and, by the start of the second act, she’s at her peak performance. The role of Elisabeth is very challenging for any actress; most Elisabeths are drawn to one of the three stages of Elisabeth’s life that we see - Some of them are very good at playing 15 year old Elisabeth, some the Young Wife/Empress, and some the older, bitter Elisabeth, and, personally, I feel like Hanafusa is best in the latter role. As an actress, she very clearly feels a draw to sadness and mourning (in both Lady Bess and Marie Antoinette, she took the sadder interpretation of both characters she played, as opposed to her costars, who separated between the low points and the high points of their lives) and Older Elisabeth gives her the chance to stay in her comfort zone. Unfortunately, when it comes to Younger Elisabeth, especially in the very beginning, I find that she can age revert herself a little TOO much, so that she plays Elisabeth-at-15 as Elisabeth-at-8, which makes her interactions with both Der Tod and Franz Josef a little bit on the uncomfortable side. 

A personal highlight for Yoshio!Tod for me is his Die Schatten Länger in the first act, where he goes from sympathetic to seductive to sinister and then back to seductive. It’s an impressive performance of one of my favorite moments, if not my ULTIMATE favorite moment of the entire musical, and he does it so effortlessly. Watching him....he reminds me a little of Uwe Kröger? He isn’t quite as aloof and ageless as 1992!Der Tod, but looking at him in the role, I do get this vision of this otherworldly entity. He has this kind of floating, ethereal voice that we tend to associate with the classical Phantom of the Operas, with a very nice, smooth lower range in particular. I do also like his dynamic with Hanafusa Mari during “Wenn Ich Tanzen Will” -- She isn’t as reactive as some Elisabeths that I’ve seen, but I do still get the feeling of the two of them acting and reacting to one another, and this production is thankfully less....aggressive than certain productions. (2005, I’M LOOKING AT YOU.) I always prefer this scene as a verbal battle of wills, not necessarily Der Tod manhandling Elisabeth, and Toho delivers that. 

His performance almost makes me forgive him for 2006 Marie Antoinette. Almost. 

Shirota Yu on the other hand...he’s STILL otherworldly, but in a totally different way. He isn’t immature (I’ve SEEN immature Deaths, and he’s not), he isn’t the Bastard Boyfriend Der Tod, but there’s...something almost NAIVE about him at times? Not in a way that makes him less deadly, but in a way that makes him MORE so. He’s never interacted with a human before, not on this level, it’s very obvious he has no idea how humans really function or work, and Elisabeth confuses him just as much as she intrigues him. I also think that, at various times, you can REALLY see him having the time of his life in the role, playing a very, very expressive Tod in comparison to his more refined, aloof counterpart. Take their respective approaches to the death of little Sophie. 

“Oh, Elisabeth! This is so ~sad~ Here, let me console you! (This should work, right?)” 

“Hm, interesting, it seems like she’s upset. This isn’t what I anticipated.” 

And, at the beginning of Der Letze Tanz, which I’m including here purely because Shirotan is looking particularly memeable here. 

“Hello, it’s me, and yes, I’m majestic, I know, look at me.” 

“You hate death, but live as a mortal. Curious! I am very intelligent.” 

He’s a little rougher than Yoshio, a little less refined (I’ve heard Yoshio Inoue’s Der Tod compared, both positively and negatively, to a European aristocrat, which is actually a little ironic since, of the two of them, Yu Shirota Fernández is technically the more “European”, but. Well. In approach...) He has a wonderful voice (honestly, if you ever want to send your eardrums to heaven, listen to his cover of Die Schatten Werden Länger with Ramin Karimloo. Thank me later), though it’s different than Yoshio Inoue’s more classical voice. I think he has a little bit of a pop influence in there. Which might SEEM like the kiss of death for a performer, but in my opinion, he does work it. (Look, I can’t say anything negative about the guy: My mom has a massive crush on him, I own his album, and also I wasn’t able to finish the one video of him immediately following Miura Haruma’s death where he tried to sing through tears because it GOT me and now I can’t see Shirotan’s face without wanting to give him a massive hug. Which I can’t. Both for geographical reasons and also social distance.) It’s actually a little hard to compare the two Tods because, while they wear the same costumes, sing the same music, act against the same actress, they take such radically different approaches that it’s hard to say “Oh, yes, this one!” or “Oh, yes! That one!” Especially since I’m not sure that Shirota Yu’s voice would have worked with Yoshio Inoue’s approach or vice versa. I ended up loving both Der Tods for various reasons. I THINK that if my copies of Elisabeth were dangling off a cliff and my archnemesis told me to pick one, I would have to end up rescuing Yoshio Inoue’s version because I tend to prefer my sleek, elegant Tods (”Tode?”) but like. I’d be in mourning. Not the least because I’d have to tell my mom about the loss of Yu Shirota’s Tod. 

Speaking of crushes...look. Takanori Sato’s Franz. We know that I have a minor, unfortunate crush on his Louis XVI in Marie Antoinette, and as Franz...He did SUCH a good job with a character who is hard to make sympathetic in the limited time he has. Most audiences are rooting either for Elisabeth/Death or Elisabeth/Independence, and Franz quickly loses sympathy as the musical goes on, so an actor who can make him likeable is working against the tide there, but Takanori gives him SUCH a huge degree of warmth that I found myself rooting for Elisabeth/Franz to make things work out even though we know that it can’t.

 I repeat my assessment from my Marie Antoinette write-up: #FersenDerTodWho?

Mario Tashiro...we know that I do love this man’s work. In my opinion, he has one of the single best voices in the industry. But also, in my opinion....as an actor....he just.....doesn’t have it. He tends to act like the single most one-dimensional version of a role he can get away with. In the beginning, when Franz is young and in love with Sisi during “Nichts ist Schwer” there were a few moments where I felt like I might go into a sugar coma. 

They’re so cute together. Kill me now. 

And, unfortunately, Franz doesn’t have enough time to REALLY show off his range, with the exception of a few low notes and the act one finale (which to be fair, he is BRILLIANT in), to the point where I did, however slightly, end up preferring Takanori Sato both vocally and acting wise. I wouldn’t say that he’s wasted in the role, because he DOES do a good job with what he’s given, but I do think that it’s hard to appreciate just what he can do from this alone. 

It’s only fitting, after talking about Franz, that his mother should come right after him always lurking in the background, as always. And, overall....there isn’t THAT much difference, namely because Sophie, as a role, just doesn’t have that much variance in the role. And most of the fanbase is kind of. Actively rooting for her to die at any given point. There’s not that much that a given actress can really do with it. It’s nothing against them, it’s just a matter of how the role is written. I do find it interesting how both approached the death scene: Tatsuki Kohju’s Sophie is crying at the end, frightened of the afterlife as she clutches, frantically at the death angels before she slumps over, her cane falling out of her hand. As powerful as she was in life, she’s terrified of what comes beyond, as powerless as any other mortal. Suzuke Mayo tries to say something, mouthing some words, but then jerks sharply at a pain in her chest, trying to stay conscious for as long as she can but staggering backwards anyway, falling into the arms of the death angels with a look of pure relief on her face. You get the feeling that she’s been fighting for Austria for so long, made so many personal sacrifices of her own, that the chance for rest is coming as a relief to her. I THINK I prefer the latter interpretation, but honestly, both of them are solid in their own right, though I’m not sure that the role REALLY gets enough to justify a double-casting. (Also....I have to say that, while I wouldn’t necessarily get a musical just for Susuke Mayo, I’ve seen her in enough to have suitably warm feelings for her performances, so I’m already coming in with some amount of bias.) 

Lucheni...I don’t REALLY pay as much attention to, compared to, say, the main trio, but he is our narrator, and both Luchenis did take very different approaches to the character. Songha’s Lucheni was...well, if he isn’t in love with Der Tod himself, he’s obsessed with him. We see him reaching out to Der Tod both at the beginning (when he appears on stage for the first time) and at the end, when Der Tod drops the knife to him. There’s a fervor to him in those scenes in particular that I tend to associate with worshippers in a Baptist Revival. Yamazaki is a little bit more subdued, in the beginning I get the feeling that he’s almost under Der Tod’s trance himself, and, in general, I think he’s a little bit more cynical, though, by the ending, he’s dropped a lot of that pretense. He looks at the knife after he’s stabbed her (Songha’s Lucheni almost lets her walk into the knife, but Yamazaki’s STABS), before a smile comes to his face as he falls down while running, finally laughing. It’s like he’s been playing things more or less subdued this entire time and this is his real BREAK, now that he finally has the opportunity to kill. With Songha’s...

He’s actually shocked. I’m not generous enough to Lucheni, as a character, to say that he really feels bad about killing ELISABETH per se, but that...he’s borderline-fetishized Death for so long, waited so long, and then, when he finally has the chance...it doesn’t live up to his expectations. A woman walked into his knife. (She walked into his knife ten times.) There’s nothing dramatic or exciting about it. One small action, and it can’t be taken back, there’s no getting away from it. He actively stumbles around stage afterwards, confused as he tries to run away, like he doesn’t know what to do now. 

Of the two of them, Songha has a rougher, kind of growelly voice, to the point where I didn’t REALLY like his Lucheni all that much until I started to analyze his acting. Voice is a MASSIVE factor in whether I enjoy a performance, simply because...it’s my eardrums. I very much want to keep them intact. (For what it’s worth, Songha is NEVER rough to the degree it hurts my eardrums, but there have been a few...) It’s arguably fitting for someone who, as a character, is as rough as Lucheni, but it wasn’t to my personal taste, while Yamazaki...I mean, he’s playing Der Tod in the 20th anniversary. Whenever we get the 20th anniversary. He’s played some of the most celebrated roles in Japanese theatre. The man has RANGE and a fantastic control of the role. (Also...look. As a bisexual woman, I’m just going to say it: He’s more personally attractive to me, though the Toho Lucheni isn’t....really....designed to be attractive. If you go in expecting Takarazuka Lucheni or Serkan Kaya’s extremely pretty Lucheni...well. He isn’t. Either version of him. He looks like someone just pulled him out of a garbage can.) I did notice that both of them have quite a bit of growl in their voice during “Milch”, though, so some of this could be directorial intervention. While BOTH of them absolutely nail the high note in the Prologue, in my opinion, Yamazaki’s riffs are an absolute HIGH point for me (...okay, yeah. Literally and figuratively. I didn’t mean to make a pun. But here we are.) I do think, at the end of the day, I prefer his voice, though I think that both of them did interesting things with the role, taking what is essentially opposite approaches. I don’t think I have a really clear favorite there. One of these days, I’ll have to check out Songha’s other work to see what his voice is like in its “Natural State” so to speak since if, for example, I’d only ever heard Oka Kojiro’s voice in 1789, I’d have just assumed he only knew how to bark out his roles. 

One role that wasn’t double-cast but that I WOULD like to draw attention to anyway is Furukawa Yuta as Rudolf. My friend @chibimyumi‘s already written some wonderful meta on Furudolf that I highly recommend, and there’s very little that I can really add except to say that he’s probably my personal take on the role, mainly because, while he IS sympathetic, that isn’t the entirety of his character. He isn’t just a pawn in Der Tod’s game,though Der Tod is unquestionably manipulating him, but a character in his own right. I’ve noticed in the Elisabeth fandom...it can be quite common to go “POOR WOOBIE RUDOLF” and....yes, he did have a very tragic life, but there was more to his life than just the tragedy. He had a life and a personality outside of that (that and....the general erasure of the 17 year old girl who died by his side, but it’s hard to be too harsh on the fandom for that when the musical itself kind of skips over that.) 

Now, on those notes, there’s one thing that...I don’t want to talk about, but I feel like it’s an elephant in the room if I don’t. 

Namely, Hass. 

I don’t like talking about this scene, mainly because it’s deeply uncomfortable subject matter, and it’s deeply controversial subject matter that, as a goyische white person, I really am out of my depth in talking about. There’s a reason why “Hass” was censored from the Zuka, and I know that some fans have gotten hooked on the Zuka, only to go to the German or the Toho, and have subsequently found themselves shocked and/or traumatized. I understand that it’s meant to be deeply uncomfortable, and the Toho DOES show Rudolf actively getting them to stop, which further solidifies the idea in Die Schatten Werden Länger of Rudolf WANTING to stop things from getting out of control, but he can’t. The Toho is also a little bit more brutal than I’m used to, showing an explicit attack on a Jewish man. It’s the kind of thing that, especially in the German and Austrian productions, was meant to give the audience a wake-up call and remind them of their own past, as a country, but can be traumatizing for any Jewish fans or fans of color who might be watching. Especially given that Lucheni, who we tend to associate as a jerk, yes, but as our more-or-less likeable narrator, is actively taking part. I know what they were going for, but also there’s a reason why I never stream this production without a warning ahead of time, and I also tend to end up skipping this scene. 

The staging is very nice, probably one of the more intricate Toho stagings I’ve seen, with a lot of props and backgrounds moving around, often mid-song, as well as projections in scenes such as Die Ersten Vier Jahre in order to show the passage of time.

 The costuming is, predictably for Toho, fantastic, lavish without being quite as sparkly as their Takarazuka counterparts, having quite a few nice velvet numbers in there. The costuming of Elisabeth is so iconic it seems pointless to discuss outfits like the Sternenkleid or the coronation outfit, but I think this production does well on even some of the non-iconic ensembles. See: 

And...you know, I said no iconic numbers, because they tend to be all people talk about, but like. One Sternenkleid pic. Because it’s what she deserves. 

Is it Too Soon to say that I’d stab her for that wardrobe alone? Because damn. And that’s not even touching the jewellery. 

I want. 

Overall, I believe this is probably my favorite production of Elisabeth. Toho really knocked it out of the park, and it’s a good compromise between the Takarazuka and the original Austrian in many, many ways (I do love them, for example, keeping Der Tod’s presence in Alle Fragen Sing Gestellt from the Takarazuka) while also making a production that’s distinct and stands on its own two feet. I really would like to have another proshot of the 2019-2020 cast, whenever the Japanese theatre community is in a more stable place, because I really, really would like to see Manaki Reika, Yamazaki, and Furukawa Yuta’s takes on their new roles, because I feel like they could be really, really solid and I’ve heard fantastic things about at least Chapi and Furukawa Yuta (nothing against Yamazaki, just that I don’t know anything about his take on Der Tod.) 

[superconfusedandreadytorumble]

It is the 23rd July, 2021. The summer heats have finally subsided, the morrows now cool giving us normal folk the ability to catch a breather before the work begins anew. The harvest is-

Yeah no, enough of this. It is the day it is but truth be told all this post is supposed to be is an answer to my darling @laninlurks who has tagged me back in March and did not even have the decency to tell me personally! Yeah girl, how dare you! You know I´m not tech-savvy, I´m old. Well at least I feel like it in my head...

So here I go, playing this little game (this is considered a game, right? I have absolutely no idea. I´ve seen this kind of “introduce yourself” thingies here on tumblr but this is the first time I´m participating. Thanks again LANIN!)

Well, let´s get over this:

Name/Nickname: uhhhhh... Yeah, no I know how this goes. Name equals power so you fae can forget it, I ain´t buying this. You shall have no power over me. Ha! As if I´d fall for such a cheap trick. Hahaha! Nah, but on a serious note I really did not think of anything what people coul call me here... I guess Superconfused works?

Gender: female

Height: 5´8″ (thank you Google for converting cm to feet and inches)

Time: 2.55pm

Favourite Bands: Okay, let me stop you guys right there. I´m not going to go posting a ton of different band names because my music taste is very eclectic and most of the time I either do not know the name of the song/band that I´m into. If I hear it and my brain starts projecting a story it´s a good song for me.

Favourite solo artist: *looks up to the previous point* Yeah, you guys get the message

Song stuck in my head: Ohhh now that is easy! It is currently a mix between “A whole new World” from Aladdin (1992), “Save your Tears” by The Weekend feat. Ariana Grande, “Plastic Hearts” by Miley Cyrus and “Racing into the Night” by YOASOBI

Last Movie: The Avengers: Endgame

Last Show: Loki

When did I create this blog: Good heavens, I have absolutely no idea... Lanin, you´ll probably know that... can I check this somewhere? Somehow? Eh... let´s leave it at that, I have no  clue... may have been 2 or 3 years ago

How it started: After ages of going around and sending myself link after link so I would not lose sight of great posts and until my email inbox was full, I finally decided to make myself an account. That is it. That´s the story.

How´s it going: *looks around* Good, I guess? I mean, I´m still here, so...

What I post: Ufffffffff. Everything and anything that touches or inspires me, I guess? The content here that I reblog is as eclectic as my music tastes. We got witchy stuff, fandom stuff, quotes, life lessons, you name it. I did finally get around to making an additional blog to reblog all of the wonderful pieces of fan content here and leave a comment because till now I have been very neglectful of that. But that is another story...

Aesthetic: Personal? Blog related? I have absolutely no idea... Next question please.

Last thing I googled: That would be the conversion of cm to feet, but if that does not count then it was an anatomical picture of the hymen. There was a conversation ging on in the family and I had to explain the location. It was much easier with visuals, I tell you.

Other blogs: And I just mentioned mine two paragraphs ago xD Well then there´s the @studyblr-beginner where I try to collect info on how to be a more productive student (with mixed efforts I might add) and the @stillconfusedandreadytorumble .

Following: Anything witchblr, studyblr, any blog that feeds into my current obsession of any fandom, cottagecore, academia be it light/romantic/dark, quotes, art, etc. Seriously, anything...

Followers: Eh, I think 2 or 3 poor misguided souls... Yeah, okay so I checked and apparently there´s 44 of you. 44!!!! Like guys, guys, are you okay? What are you doing here? Not that I´m not grateful but I´m also very very VERY confused right now... Hi?

Average sleep: 7 hours, if I have time to sleep in even more

Lucky number: I do not really believe in that... Although if I see a platenumber with three identical numbers beside each other I take it as a good omen

Instruments: I may have tried to learn the piano years ago but it was never really my thing

What I am wearing: an oversized shirt with the wolf medallion logo form “The Witcher” series, black shorts and a dark green dressing gown with flowers and pretty little humming birds. Yes, I´m in my sleep wear. No, I am not ashamed. The last couple of days have been hell, I´m still recuperating.

Dream job: Physician, and I´m working hard to get that damn doctors degree.

Favourite animal noise: wolves howling. That moment when it sends chills down your back, when the hairs on your arms stand? Love it and it gets me every time.

Random: If asked a question I start stuttering and mumbling and warbled bla-bla just comes out of my mouth until I try collecting my thoughts. That may take a couple of seconds though.

Dream trip: Japan, Prague, Venice, these three are from the top of my head but otherwise I´d like to travel and see the world. Yes, vague, I know but the world is big and nobody has time to write long lists about this.

Favourite food: Dumplings. Do not, I repeat, do not make me specify which dumplings cause I´ll eat or at least ry them all if given the change. I already diviate from my normal answer of “There is so much good stuff out there, I could never choose”, okay?

Nationality: Welp, before I make this any more complicated I´ll just stick to what is in my passport: AUSTRIAN 

Favourite song: May I refer you back to the paragraph that says Favourite Band/solo singer, please and thank you.

Last book I read: “Alice´s Adventures in Wonderland” by Lewis Carroll

Top 3 fictional universes I would like to live in: Currently it would be either Lord of the Rings, Witcher or Boku no hero academia. Ask me in 3 months and I bet with you that answer might have changed again.

Tagging: Oh boy... who am I supposed to tag that will not shoot me on sight or think of me being a total lunatic, @laninlurks you don´t count, after all you put me in this mess... Who are the last couple of ppl I had a conversation with? Oh okay, if you guys don´t want to do this, just scratch and ignore that but then again all of my 44 followers are very welcome to do this (still can´t warp my head around the amount of ppl). I´ll just tagg @lostoctaviaaugusta and @thewhit3w0lf , but again please don´t shoot on sigth. I promise I´m harmless.

Okay guys, whoever made it this far, I applaud you, cause really you deserve a medal. thank you for reading I guess and have a wonderful day.

Hugs and kisses!

[missmaxime]

tagged by: the everyone and their mother, but if you insist on names @bethsuglywigs @foxmagpie @pynkhues @ama-ssiempre & @inyoursheets

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better.

name/nickname: Maxime? You can hear me say my real name in this voice post (I don’t write it out because I post about work sometimes)

gender: Cis woman

star sign: Taurus

height: 172 cm (so that’s like 5′7 or 5′8 right?)

time: 08:40 in the morning

birthday: May 14th 

favorite bands: Okay, confession I barely listen to popular music so I’ll fall back on good old classics like ABBA, Backstreetboys, Bon Jovi, Fleetwood Mac, Panic! At The Disco, MGMT, OK GO, No Doubt (There’s probably more, but I just picked a few from my 2020 Spotify wrap)

favorite solo artists: P!NK, Lady Gaga, Cher, Madonna, Sia, Britney Spears, Mitski, PJ Harvey, Missy Higgins. 

song stuck in my head: Heaven is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle

last movie: The Prom!

last show: Alice in Borderland (Loved it! Do recommend)

when did I create this blog: May 2013 apparently

what I post: Good Girls with a bit of miscellaneous stuff sometimes. 

last thing googled: dressoir (I really want something else than the Kallax as a TV cabinet - I want something where I can see my DVD’s!)

other blogs: nope

do I get asks: yes every now an then

why I chose my url: I used to have a different username that also had Maxime in it, but I didn’t want that username anymore so I briefly changed it to MissMaxime with the intention of changing that - surprise, never did!

following: 92

followers: 156 (you’d think I’d have more judging by when I created this blog, but I have only been active for a few months at the time, and wasn’t really active in fandoms)

average hours of sleep: 7 or 8

lucky number: 11

instruments: Nada! I played the flute for two years when I was about 7 years old - but turns out I can’t read sheet music and I can only remember so much while playing so I quit

what am I wearing: I’d say nightgown, but it’s technically a big shirt

dream job: it’s so ever changing! I’d say as long as it involves being able to create and translate ideas to visual representations. 

dream trip: New Zealand, US roadtrip, Japan

favorite food: chicken madras, beef chimi churri, lasagna, split pea soup, actually any chicken curry situation, babi pangang (look i really like dinner - every meal should be dinner)

nationality: Dutch

favorite song: I don’t have one favorite song, I recently listened Adele’s 21 again and gawd Rolling in the Deep does things to me

last book read: book? 

top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: BtVS but only if I’m immortal - probably would die otherwise, Harry Potter, post-pandemic sounds great too.

i tag: @bourbon-ontherocks @fairhairedkings @delicatelingon @lanafannabanana @lunafeather @nakedmonkey @nottonyharrison (that’s 20 right?)

[work-life-harmony]

Harmony Journal/Blog Posts

9/8/21

“I Stress, Eustress, We All Stress”

It is two days past my 42nd birthday and the eve before the start of another school year.  And I anticipate it is going to be a year like no other.  There is a tremendous amount of uncertainty that I am feeling at the moment.  Personally, I am in the thick of things trying to raise my twelve year-old daughter and blend ourselves with my fiancee and her two children.  It has not been easy.  My daughter has dealt with anxiety ever since she was little.  Her mom passed away two months after her second birthday and it’s hard to know whether her personality has been shaped in part because of the void my wife’s passing created.  Now that she is entering adolescence, a certain alchemy of anxiety, anger, and depression has yielded some chaos in our household.

That the pandemic happened to coincide with the time in her life where she is feeling the hardest is unfortunate.  Did the lockdown and disruption to our lives exacerbate her feelings of anxiety and anger?  It’s probably a safe bet that it did.  So that has been a major area of concern and frustration for me.

On the professional side of things, although last year was difficult for many teachers, and I certainly had my frustrations, I was in a fairly good place mentally.  There were some aspects to the school year that I actually found novel and enjoyed, such as the ability to sleep later, roll out of bed and teach from my kitchen table.  Conversely, the new routine allowed me to develop some habits that were not healthy, including daily rituals such as making and drinking light and sweet coffee and having a serving or two of ice cream nightly between dinner and bed.  Furthermore, I seemed to become a slave to my phone.  Although I’ve had the willpower to delete apps such as Facebook off of my phone in the past, the last few years I became addicted to the news...and Instagram...and checking my email.  One concerning consequence of the pandemic is that I’ve lost my concentration stamina.  If I start something, particularly work related, it only takes a few minutes before I feel compelled to get up and do something else, even just for a half minute.  Of course this breaks my rhythm of work and I’m unable to achieve any kind of flow.  And, worse, sometimes I find that I mean to do something, such as check the weather, but when I open up a tab to do it, I have completely lost what I meant to do when I opened the tab.  Scary!

With the start of the new school year, I intend to turn over a new leaf so to speak by approaching different aspects of my professional and personal life with an eye towards my well-being: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  The forthcoming journal entries will chronicle the conscious changes that I am making in order to foster more harmony in my life and a stronger sense of well-being.  Part of that will be my investment in activities that help me achieve a sense of flow, including but not limited to music, reading, and immersing myself in nature.

9/16/21

“Time In a Bottle”

As the school year has started, the typical looseness of my summer days has come to an abrupt end.  However, there are some benefits to the structure of my school days.  My body has started to adjust to my new routine, and although the school day seems to necessitate a routine, there are conscious choices that I’m making to build a healthy daily schedule.  I am up at 5:30 on weekday mornings and in bed reading by 10 pm, a major shift from previous school years in which I would stay up until 11 or later watching television before hopping in bed to fall asleep.  Although I’m still adjusting to this new routine (as the school year is still young), I am recognizing an easier relationship with waking up in the morning.  As noted in the course, avoiding screens before bedtime contributes to a better sleep and I am finding that I am waking up more rested and ready to meet the day.  

An interesting stressor at the start of the school year, before my body has fully adopted the new schedule, is my anxiety that I will somehow miss my morning alarm.  I’m the first one in the house who is up in the morning, and no one is coming to wake me in time for my early day if my alarm fails me.  Thus, the first week (or two) of the school year leave me sleeping lightly and somewhat anxiously.  I continue to add measures into my routine, such as meditation and muscle relaxation practices to help ease my mind.  Additionally, I have quieted my mind before falling asleep by acknowledging the things that I am grateful for.  This will be touched upon in more depth in a forthcoming journal entry, but there is tremendous value in gratitude.  Lori Santos, a renowned professor at Yale University who teaches the highly sought course “The Science of Well-Being,” acknowledged in an article for Newsweek Magazine, “Grateful people tend to be happier and show lower levels of stress hormones like cortisol. Health care workers who keep a gratitude journal show reductions in stress and depression. And people suffering from chronic pain who practice gratitude show improvements in both sleep quality and mood” (Santos). It has become an important strategy for me to ease the chronic stress and anxiety of life which gets exacerbated at the start of a new school year.  

With each day, it does become easier to sleep peacefully and I suspect that soon my eyes will open a minute before my alarm rings.  I am also pleased to report that rising before the sun comes up has been easier than in years past.  Typically, trying to get out of bed in the dark has always been difficult and miserable.  Of course, it may return to misery as winter sets in and leaving a warm bed is a shock to the system, but for now I am happy to report that the newly adopted schedule for this school year is working well.  

On a more professional side of things, I have been working on my planning as it regards daily obligations.  For instance, the adoption of daily to-do lists has helped me to stay better focused on items that need attention; efficient about tending to, and completing, those items; and avoid being frazzled like I have been in the past because the ideas bounce around my brain but have not been concrete since they aren’t visibly posted somewhere.  The morning ritual of composing a daily to-do list has really been beneficial for me.  An example of items that I’ve included on lists include: grade seven essays today, photocopy “Heroes” article, email Nina’s guidance counselor, drop two books in Mari’s mailbox, hit the supermarket with grocery list, and call the car dealership.  Furthermore, I’ve been diligent about staying on top of the “house calendar” to not only make sure that all family events are noted on the calendar, but also to consult the calendar every day as part of my daily routine to see what obligations members of the household have that day and in the near future.  This is an indispensable part of our lives and internal harmony.  For instance, my daughter’s “picture day” is tomorrow.  Since it is listed on the calendar, we can save ourselves stress and frustration by potentially being caught off guard that pictures are being taken tomorrow.  Heaven forbid my daughter arrive at school with no inkling that it is picture day, likely exacerbating her stress/anxiety because she feels unprepared.  These measures have been part of my process for winning back time and peace of mind.  

With that in mind, it is going to be a school long objective to work on organization skills with my students.  In particular, I have two sections of remedial sophomore English classes.  A good percentage of these students have IEPS or other individualized plans to help them be successful in their high school classes.  It is not uncommon to see a personalized modification that revolves around breaking down big concepts and keeping them on task.  For this reason, we’ve established a routine of taking out binders/notebooks at the start of every class period.  They need reminders, but it is with the purpose of establishing healthy and productive habits that they can carry with them for a lifetime.

9-19-21

“Love May Know No Bounds, But a Teacher Better Set Some”

The financial wizard Warren Buffet has been quoted, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything."  While there’s probably a bit of overstatement to Buffet’s claim, one can’t deny that from an “American Dream” point of view that he is considered a success.  Thus, there must be some truth behind his words which reinforce the Module 3 concept of boundary-setting.  With the rise of technology, be it e-mail or Google classroom, students have greater accessibility to their teachers.  In fact, everyone has greater accessibility to teachers.  Compounded by the fact that part of last year was taught remotely, the boundaries of the school day almost ceased to exist.  Fortunately, the summer has been a quiet time to turn away from professional demands, but with the new school year upon us,  I feel it is going to be important to counter the feeling of always being tied to work.  For this reason, boundary-setting is going to be a priority for me.  My first concern is to establish that I will not be addressing professional inquiries/issues on weekends or days off.  Of course, this will be somewhat of a test at the start of the school year because I’m also conscious of the anxiety that arises when my inbox fills up with issues that need attention.  But branching off of the time-management piece of the puzzle, I hope to create effective solutions in my approach to time and boundaries.

When I started my career as a teacher, I recall a colleague noting that teaching is a twelve month job condensed down to ten months.  Thus, the school day doesn’t truly end with the last bell.  There is much to get done between planning, grading, and tending to all of the extra aspects of teaching.  Even as a veteran teacher, it is virtually impossible to complete all of my professional needs during school hours.  In fact, the demands of being a school teacher may feel endless at times.  This is why it is so important to set boundaries.  Granted, when you have children of your own, as I do, priorities tend to shift.  But, even so, most caring teachers yearn to give 110% to their schools and students.  The phrase that comes to mind when that happens is “slave to your work.”  This is a recipe for stress and potential unhappiness, so it becomes incumbent upon teachers to set boundaries and strike a balance between personal and professional life.  This school year, I feel I’ve done a nice job of making my nights and weekends sacred.  I use my time at school effectively and efficiently, shying away from distractions that keep me from being as productive as possible during school hours.  I have even established practices with classes that have helped in this regard.  For instance, I have designated Friday as an independent reading day for my basic skills classes.  While this is productive for them because it creates an environment that they can do sustained reading of literature that they choose, it also affords me time to catch up on grading and plan for the following week (which would otherwise be happening during my weekend).  The items that I am not able to get to during the school day are addressed during my time at home, but I believe that I am approaching it in a more thoughtful way.  On weekend mornings, I’ve been waking up early as my body adjusts to my 5:30 wakeup routine during the week.  So when I’m up for an hour before the rest of the house, I can attack the items that I didn’t get to during the week.  Needless to say, my approach this year has left me feeling a better sense of control over my professional duties.

9-22-21

“Shake It Off” 

Several years ago the topic du jour in school districts across the country was resilience or grit.  This was pre-pandemic.  As a concept, it hasn’t gotten the same attention as of late, but that does not undercut the importance of resilience and the tools we need to develop in order to persevere.  As noted in Module 3, a growth mindset plus stamina equals achievement.   As part of my journey to better living, particularly during the stressful pandemic, I have landed on, and dedicated myself to, several areas which follow:

Developing habits of self care and compassion for others

As we went into lockdown and found ourselves somewhat trapped in our homes, particularly during the fall and winter, it was easy to lose the habits of self-care that had been so natural in our daily lives.  I have consciously made an effort to develop better habits of self care since taking this course.  Namely, my diet and sleep have been areas of focus.  My daily diet looks something like:

-Greek yogurt with granola and fresh berries for breakfast

-A greens, apple, avocado, grilled chicken and blue cheese salad for lunch

-Apple slices, banana, flavored almonds, and/or pretzel & hummus for an afternoon snack

-Dinner varies, but is typically home-cooked and avoids red meat

Prior to this conscious change, I had no real dietary routine and I recognized the impact it was having on me physically and mentally.  I was leaning hard into sugar and caffeine; beyond the damage it was doing to my body, it was adversely affecting my sleep habits.  Now, however, committed to taking better care of myself, I am cognizant of the synergistic benefits of self-care, especially when times are tough.  

Another area of focus, and one often taken for granted in our well-being, is the power of authentic socializing with others.  While I was lucky to have a full house made up of my fiancee and our three kids which helped me not feel starved for close, authentic social interaction, I still was not feeling completely edified.  Making sure to nurture my relationships, especially with students and colleagues, brings a greater sense of gratification from meaningful interaction.  For instance, last school year, I noticed that one aspect of my school day that was glaringly absent was laughter.  Whether it stems from banter with colleagues or the shenanigans that carry on with a loose and happy classroom of students, last year punctuated how important laughter is on the psyche.  In fact, a line from one of my favorite novels, Ken Kesey’s One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, emphasizes the deep importance of laughter when the protagonist, McMurphy, remarks, “Man, when you lose your laugh you lose your footing.”  While social distancing may have made us inclined to shrink away from people, so much has been lost by cocooning ourselves.  A tremendous part of our mental health is the release we get when laughing.  I have reinvested in that and it has led to the next area of well-being and resilience:

Building a network of positivity

As an extension of that investment into relationships is the support system of those who help to buoy me.  While we know that misery often loves company, we should also recognize that happiness is augmented through company as well.  One of the better pieces of wisdom that I ever found from a fortune cookie fortune was “Joy shared is doubled; grief shared is halved.”  (Does one need to create an APA citation for fortune cookies?  Ha!)  We certainly are better off building a mindset of positivity.  It can be infectious.  And although as the school year neared I was having grim thoughts about what was in store for us, my network of people which includes friends, colleagues, and even students have helped me navigate to a place of harmony.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy and our brains can be unkind and counterproductive. And sometimes we lose our way which also takes a toll on our sense of being.  That’s why anyone will be better off:

Finding Purpose

Yesterday, I was catching up with my best friend from childhood.  I asked how his mother was doing since she retired three years ago from her position as an anesthesiologist.  My friend’s response was, “She’s deteriorating.”  Granted, this is a woman in her 70s, and time can be cruel.  (My fiancee told me last night that she saw a shirt for sale online that said, “My favorite childhood memory is my back not hurting.”) But the real point of my friend’s words is that once she lost her daily purpose of getting up at 5:30 and doing meaningful work, she became aimless and lost the person that she had been for most of her lifetime.  

Finding purpose is an important element to the senior curriculum I teach as the literature we read in my ELA class forces us to confront the universal themes of purpose and identity.  So much of self-understanding and drive derives from the things that we do.  

Perhaps the best figure to explore the value of purpose is the mythological figure of Sisyphus.  You may know him as the guy who rolls the rock up the hill.  That’s his identity, because that’s what he does.  He is suffering eternal punishment for angering the gods, and they have determined that there is nothing worse than this act of futility.  When Sisyphus completes his task and gets the rock to the top of the mountain, it just rolls back to the other side and he has to collect the rock again and repeat.  Ad nauseum.   However, the French absurdist writer Albert Camus examines Sisyphus as a representation of the everyman.  We all roll our metaphorical rocks only to watch those acts be undone.  We make our beds in the morning.  Wash our dishes.  Mow the lawn.  Go to work.  Day after day after day.  And ultimately, we suffer for no greater good.  However, Camus acknowledges that Sisyphus overcomes his torment if he has his own purpose to the seemingly futile act.  When he steps up to the rock with his own personal motivation, or purpose, then it’s not a punishment.  That’s the value of purpose.  

Fortunately, the profession of education naturally provides purpose as we invest in our students.  And beyond that, I have invested in music and relationships.   These areas of my life have certainly been instrumental in creating a sense of direction and happiness. 

Finally, I believe in:

Continuing to learn, experiment, and grow

Recently, a colleague noted how much she loved being a student and learning.  She pointed out that if she could be a student for the rest of her life, she would do it in a heartbeat.  I feel somewhat similar.  And one of the best aspects of being in the world of education is that I’m consistently being exposed to new ideas and ways of thinking that have satisfied an aspect of my personality that yearns for knowledge.  

When the world came to a screeching halt in the spring of 2020, eager to quench my desire to improve my knowledge and skills, I found just what I was looking for online.  After some searches for guitar instruction on the internet, I stumbled upon a fellow with a channel on youtube that has been somewhat life-changing.  His avuncular disposition and clear explanation of guitar theory has helped me to become a better guitarist and feel a newfound confidence in my playing.  Upon reflection, I’m happy that I dedicated myself to improving my skills because it has paid great dividends and underscores the value of knowledge, experimentation and growth.

I feel lucky that a few of the ideas noted above are organically interwoven into the life of an English literature teacher.  

9-26-21

“The smell of gratitude” - Sensory Awareness, Attitude and Thankfulness

Yesterday, I stepped outside in the morning and immediately recognized that it was a glorious day.  An early morning autumn chill was in the air (my favorite time of year), and the sun dappled the earth through its magnificent golden rays.  Shortly after breakfast, the family hopped in the car and headed north to Warwick, NY.  When we reached our destination, my fiancee and the kids hopped out and spent an hour on an alpaca farm while I drove into Sugar Loaf, the neighboring hippie town.  There, I walked along the main drag in the middle of town and basked in the sunshine between dropping into the different stores.  After picking the family up, we drove back into town and had a delicious lunch before heading home mostly along back roads that traced the shore of a lake that crosses the boundary between NY and NJ.  It was sensational; the only thing that could have made it better is if the foliage had started to turn.  

Days and moments experienced, like yesterday’s outing, force me to return to the lyrics of Neil Peart whose words echo from his band, Rush’s, wonderful song “Time Stand Still”:

Freeze this moment

A little bit longer

Make each sensation

A little bit stronger

Experience slips away...

Experience slips away...

Time stand still

Of course, time doesn’t stand still, so it becomes necessary for us to savor the big and little moments of our lives.  Akin to the Scottish poet Robert Burns’ remark in his poem, “To a Mouse”:

 I backward cast my e’e,

       On prospects drear!

An’ forward tho’ I canna see,

       I guess an’ fear!

We are so busy worrying about our past and futures that we forget to live in the present.  With this in mind, I’ve been practicing the art of savoring.  Right now, as I write, there is the wonderful aroma of pumpkin muffins in the air.  This morning, I relished the hot water pouring down when I took a shower.  And even though I’m allergic to animals, I still felt and savored the buttery softness of the teddy bears made with alpaca fur that the kids got when they were at the farm.  

There are many areas of our lives to be more present and “tune into” in order to achieve a deeper appreciation for the present moment and increase our happiness and well-being.  And, following the advice from the Harmony course to spend time in nature, I find this to be the best time of year to do such a thing.  Thus, I have been spending extra time outdoors, smelling the autumnal air and savoring the beauty of the natural world.  Fortunately, I’ve had the pleasure of teaching Romantic writers whose ideology turned away from the harsh, cold logic of the Age of Reason and towards the wonders of the natural world and the emotions of humankind.  Several poems I teach underscore the value of nature; perhaps no poet celebrates the natural world more than William Wordsworth.  He characterizes the peace found in nature when he says in “Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey:

how oft—

In darkness and amid the many shapes

Of joyless daylight; when the fretful stir

Unprofitable, and the fever of the world,

Have hung upon the beatings of my heart—

How oft, in spirit, have I turned to thee,

O sylvan Wye! thou wanderer thro' the woods,

         How often has my spirit turned to thee!

I, too, have looked to nature, both literally and figuratively, to counterbalance the “fever of the world.”  I will continue to do so, especially on these glorious autumn days.  And in times when I cannot be out in nature, my spirit can still turn to it and find some internal peace with recollections of how sublime Mother Nature can be. 

9-29-21

Crisis - “A season to build resiliency”

The subheading to this journal entry comes from an Edutopia article written by Jessica Cabeen, “How School Leaders Can Frame Tough Decisions.”  It’s certainly an optimistic mindset in relation to times of struggle or outright crises.  Entering my seventeenth year in education, I could never have predicted what the state of education was going to be over the past few years if I had never lived it.  If we are to understand “crises” as events that cause us to change our routines and threaten our safety, the pandemic certainly fits the bill. 

I’ve had a few other crises since becoming a teacher.  The most recent one was a crisis wrought and then averted by Mother Nature right as this school year was beginning.  When Hurricane Ida swept up the eastern coast of the US, those of us in the metropolitan area had no real warning about the amount of water that the storm was going to dump on us.  At around 8:30 pm, I went into my basement to see streams of water pouring through the basement walls soaking the basement floor as the sump pump struggled to keep up with the quickly rising water table.  Ten years prior, I had a similar experience with Hurricane Irene.  (It dawns on me now that I must really take note when a Hurricane named after the letter I bears down on me that I need to be alert.)  The morning after Irene, I woke up to the items in my basement floating around like they were in a bathtub.  With Ida, I made a mad dash to remove the items from the basement that I could and tried to shift my thinking of helplessness to acceptance.  

You can’t fight Mother Nature.  Thus, I took solace in knowing that I salvaged the things that I could and to not fret about the things that I couldn’t control.  This is perhaps a difficult thing to do, especially in a situation like this as we are naturally conditioned to protect our abodes.  But the mindset is vital part of our wellbeing.  One of the moments from the course on Harmony that really resonated with me was the transference of anxious energy into positive energy.  Rather than feel confined by the heightened energy of anxiety, simply telling yourself “I’m excited” can have a real positive effect.  Certainly, saying “I’m excited” about a hurricane is a ludicrous connection, but attempts to assuage the mind can bear fruit.  In the middle of the madness as Ida was wreaking havoc across NJ, I made a conscious attempt to soothe myself and accept what the fallout was going to be.

From there we are able to learn and grow, and our resilience is definitely tested.  Although we may struggle and even suffer, we have the opportunity to learn and grow from our experiences.  Additionally, when we go through our own trials, we become empathetic.

Given the extreme negative impacts that trauma can have on individuals, especially young people, crises take on a more serious consideration because it’s not just the present crisis that needs attention; the ramifications for the long-term also need to be addressed.  Sometimes checking in is an important step to help others.  For that reason, I spent a couple of class periods talking candidly with my students about their feelings regarding the pandemic.  Not only was it eye-opening, it was also greatly appreciated by my students.  Quite a few students remarked that none of their teachers bothered to check in with them.  They carried on with business as usual, even though the students had bigger things on their minds than math or chemistry or history.  Since then, and with the endorsement of the Harmony course, I have made it a priority to emphasize and invest in the human connection with my students and the other people in my orbit.  

Although the course emphasized a distinction in the connotations of balance and harmony, I do believe that a conscious balancing of different aspects of my routines and choices has led to a more harmonious life.  The school year is off to a great start...a better start than I had hoped.  And, ultimately, I feel a stronger sense of well-being, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Cited Sources:

Burns, Robert. “To a Mouse.” Poets.org, https://poets.org/poem/mouse. 

Cabeen, J., 2021. How School Leaders Can Frame Tough Decisions. [online] Edutopia. Available at: 

<https://www.edutopia.org/article/how-school-leaders-can-frame-tough-decisions> [Accessed 29 

September 2021].

Gilbert, D. (2021). Stumbling on Happiness: Think You Know What Makes You Happy? 

Alfred A. Knopf.

Kesey, K. (1672). Ken Kesey: One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (Mass Market 

Paperback); 1989 Edition. Ken Kesey.

Rush. “Time Stand Still.” Peter Collins, The Manor, Oxfordshire, 1987. 

Santos, L. (2020, December 22). Laurie Santos, Yale Happiness Professor, on 5 things that will 

make you happier. Newsweek. Retrieved September 16, 2021, from

https://www.newsweek.com/2021/01/08/laurie-santos-yale-happiness-professor-5-thing

-that-will-make-you-happier-1556182.html. 

Wordsworth, William. “Lines Composed a Few Miles above Tintern Abbey, on Revisiting the 

Banks of the Wye During a Tour, July 13, 1798.” Poets.org, 

https://poets.org/poem/lines-composed-few-miles-above-tintern-abbey-revisiting-banks-

wye-during-tour-july-13-1798. 

[what-is-your-plan-today]

Riding High Ch 25: Keep It Simple

Chapter Summary: The events of Boston behind them, Frank, Fliss and Mary look forward to Christmas…and Frank has a big surprise planned.

Chapter Warnings: Bad Language words. Smut…NSFW and NO UNDER 18s!!!

Chapter Pairings:  Frank Adler x OFC Fliss Gallagher

A/N: So here it is, the last in the series Riding High. Thank you to everyone who has helped and re-blogged and commended in any way. Do not fear, Frank and Fliss will be back in the next instalment of their adventure Riding On in a little while.

And yes, I know it ain’t Christmas but…well, in my mind it should be Christmas every day!

Series Masterlist //  Main Masterlist 

Chapter Song:  God Only Knows by the Beach Boys

If you should ever leave me, thought life would still go on, believe me, the world could show nothing to me, so what good would living do me? God only knows what I’d be without you…

"Mary can you just hold on a second, please!" Frank sighed, grabbing the back of her coat to stop her shooting off into the crowd that streamed down the busy Manhattan sidewalk. "But Frank!" she turned and looked at him, her woollen hat jammed down over her ears "I just wanna see the stall!" "Yeah but you can't just run off!" He grumbled and besides him Fliss gave a chuckle. He turned to look at her "who gets so excited about damned wooden tree ornaments?" "Oh hush!" Fliss leaned up to give him a pack, her cold nose brushing his. In retaliation he pulled the front of her baby blue sparkly bobble hat down over her eye and she shoved him in the chest, laughing. "Fuck you!" "Chance would be a fine thing" he grumbled, taking Fliss’ hand as they headed after Mary. "Awww is that why you're grumpy?" Fliss grinned as they walked "Coz you haven't had any in nearly 3 days?" Frank pouted "No." "Liar..." "Ok, look...Frankie has needs..." he whined "I completely over looked the fact hanging out with an 8 year old in the room would be a cock block." "Always the shower..." Fliss teased and Frank snorted. "Yeah, right. Can you imagine? I give it 3 minutes before she came looking for us." "We go home tomorrow. I'll make it up to you then." Fliss grinned and he sighed. "What?" She laughed. "It’s just...you look so hot in all this winter clothing." Frank grinned. And he meant it. Seeing her wrapped up in a coat, hat and scarf had made her look all cute and cozy...and it had done inappropriate things to him for some odd reason. "Hmmm, you know most men get more turned on the less clothing their girls wear." She teased and he grinned. "Yeah, well, I'm not most men" She gave him a smile which he returned with a soft kiss as they stopped by the stall where Mary instantly dived into looking at the array of ornaments. After a few moments of looking she handed Frank one in the shape of a reindeer stag, and a doe for him and Fliss before selecting a robin for herself. "I think they're so pretty." She looked at the bird in her hand "I saw one at Evelyn's over thanks giving." "Ever heard the saying robins appear when loved ones are near?" Fliss asked. Mary shook her head. "No" "Well, I don't know about here but certainly in England we say it because there is an old belief by some people that a robin is a message from heaven, that a loved one is watching over you." "Do you believe that?" Mary looked at Fliss. Fliss hesitated "Well when my mum's dad died I was 20 and I remember getting up the morning after he died and there was a robin on the fence of the back garden. Bill told me it was my granddad Alex come to check I was ok." "Do you think it was? Really I mean?" "I dunno sweetheart." Fliss sighed "I'd like it to be true..." "Then you should believe it was." Mary said, looking at her "Because isn't that what faith is? Believing something you want to be true?" Fliss looked at Frank who smiled and gave a small shake of his head. She turned back to Mary, smiling softly as she dropped a hand to the back of her head. This kid was unbelievably wise, but with such an innocence behind it all. "Yeah, I suppose it is." Fliss nodded. "Do you think the robin I saw could have been my mom?" She asked, her eyes wide. Frank at that point stepped in, carefully picking an answer that was ambiguous so as not to say yes, but also not dampening her spirits. "If your mom could I'm sure she would come and see you, make sure you're ok." Mary gave a nod, before she turned back to the stall, her attention back on the ornaments. "We need a dog for Thor, and a cat for Fred oh...and a pony for Monty." "What about Cap and Heidi?" Fliss asked, moving to inspect the selection of decorations. "Oh, yeah!" "This is gonna bankrupt me." Frank grumbled, his hands on Fliss' hips, chin resting on her shoulder as he observed the two of them. "Scrooge" Fliss shot back with a smile "Do you think Verity and Bill will like this one?" Mary held up a snowman. "Absolutely" Fliss nodded. "And can I get one for Evelyn?" She asked, selecting a snowflake. Despite the fact that they were now well into the fifty buck range for fucking tree decorations, Frank couldn't help but want to smile at Marys face. She was so thoughtful, the purity behind it all was as usual humbling. So he nodded "Sure she will appreciate it." He smiled. He moved to lift her up so she could hand the ones they had picked over to the guy behind the counter who asked Mary what names she wanted on each one. As she told him, he allowed her to sit up on the edge of the little surface, held in place by Frank to watch as he burnt the names into each ornament before he bagged them up and she took them with a thanks. "Our first family tree stuff!" Mary grinned and Fliss smiled, bending down to give her a hug. They set back off towards the hotel, stopping by a burger joint for dinner before they dumped their bags and returned back out for their final evening in the City. Frank had loved every second of their trip, and so had Mary and Fliss. Seeing Mary's reaction to snow and the Christmas lights had been amazing, along with all the bands on street corners, people walking around dressed up. It was magical and he wasn't afraid to let his inner child come out to play either, as Fliss had just found out. "Whose idea was this again?" He asked as Mary was bouncing up and down in the queue. "Yours!" Fliss scoffed as he took Mary's hand in his right "I seem to recall the very visible horror on your face yesterday when I told you I'd never done it before..." "That’s because it's an abomination that someone who's 34 has never been ice skating." "I was a professional athlete." She shrugged "I was banned from doing anything deemed dangerous " Frank looked at her "What do they consider more dangerous than flying a half tonne animal almost 2 meters into the air?" "Bungee jumping, sky diving, jet skiing, water skiing, ice skating.." Fliss shrugged "just to name 5" Frank shook his head as the queue shuffled forward a little. It wasn't too long now, luckily they had timed it right by arriving 20 minutes or so before the next lot of General Admission to the famous Rockefeller rink opened so there weren't too many people ahead. After another 10 minutes they got to the front and Frank nudged Fliss out of the way as she tried to pay. She scowled at him and he simply rolled his eyes and handed his card over. It wasn't cheap but then, he was in New York. What was? Together they headed onto the ice. Frank, having done it a few times as a kid found his legs fairly quickly and didn't stop himself laughing as Mary's completely went from under her and she landed with a thump on her ass. "Here..." he chuckled, offering her his hand. He pulled her up and moved her in front of him. "Give me your hands..." Mary extended her arms to the side and he took her mitten clad hands in his, holding her in front of him. Fliss was moving tentatively behind him, using the sides for support a little. "Ok slide your right foot forward, like on your roller skates..." Frank said. Mary did as she was told "now left...right...left...right..." He continued his chanting and glanced over his shoulder to see Fliss was concentrating on her feet, her tongue poking out slightly. "You good?" "Yup." She said, raising her hand to give him a thumbs up before she skidded slightly and went down in a tangle of limbs. Letting out a laugh he gently pivoted Mary so she could hold onto the side and offered Fliss his hand. Pulling her up into his arms he held her steady for a moment whilst her laughing subsided. He watched her for a second, her face creasing up into those adorable dimples, eyes crinkled so much they were almost shut and her shoulders shook with the force of her giggles. "I fuckin' love you..." he grinned and she smiled at him. "Back at ya sailor" After another few laps Mary and Fliss had managed to get the hand of it which meant Frank could leave them a little bit as he went off for what he called a proper skate. The girls watched calling him a show off as he crossed his feet and turned, skating backwards a little. Both of them debated sabotaging him and tripping him up but they decided not to, instead they simply pretended they didn't know him, resulting in him grabbing Fliss from behind just beneath the large tree, and spinning her round to face him. "Can I help you?" She teased and he gave a snort. "Yeah, you can... Mary?" He called to her where she was trying to perfect a turn and failing as she almost stumbled again. She looked up and headed over. "Can you take our photo?" "Only if you're gonna kiss..." she replied, making smooching noises. "Well we can’t disappoint her..." Frank shrugged and Fliss grinned, her smile turning into a shriek as Frank quickly grabbed her hips before he took one hand, keeping the other round her back and dipped her so she was bending backwards, planting a sloppy kiss on her lips. She laughed against his mouth as he gave her a wink, before kissing her a little deeper and then setting her upright, his eyes boring into hers which were shining in the Christmas lights surrounding the rink. "Oh that was great!" Mary howled and he turned to face her as she handed his phone back. Frank checked the photo and had to smile, it was a dammed good shot. He showed it to Fliss and she beamed. "A framer?" She asked. "A framer." He agreed. It took them ages to get Mary to finally leave the rink. Even a bribe of hot chocolate, marshmallows and cookies wasn't doing it. Eventually Frank put his foot down and told her it was time to go as it was almost 9pm and they still had that tree to go see before they headed to Central Park for one last walk in the lights. After handing their skates back and retrieving their belongings from the lockers they followed the path to the tree. As they round the corner Mary gasped. "It's huge!" She turned to look at Frank and Fliss, her eyes wide "Oh my God!" Frank smiled kissed Fliss' cheek as Mary walked slightly ahead of them down the walkway that was flanked with smaller trees and the famous lit up trumpeting angels . As they caught her up he slipped his spare hand in his pocket, his fingers curling round the small, leather box inside. The damned thing had been burning a hole in his pocket since he had bought it in Boston just after Thanksgiving. Fliss, Verity and Bill had all stayed for a very pleasant week rounded off with a damned good proper Thanksgiving dinner and the three of them had flown home on the Friday, as Fliss was starting to stress about her business. He and Mary followed on the Sunday after she had been given the all clear to fly after a week’s check up at the Hospital. On his spare afternoon, he'd taken a trip into the city with one goal, and it had been surprisingly easy. The first jeweller he has walked into had a perfect ring, and despite the fact he had visited several others none of them caught his eye like that. So he had gone back and asked the assistant for a closer look. It wasn't a huge rock, white gold and emerald cut with in a pave setting, but everything about it had screamed Fliss. It was delicate and feminine but with a wonderful sparkle just like her. He knew that sounded so lame when he had told the assistant but she has just smiled and told him that if he had that much conviction, it must be right. He had been lost when she asked him what size, but in a sudden inspiration he had remembered the Pandora ring he had bought her when he had gotten his first new pay check as supervisor. He mentioned this to the assistant who beamed and said she could easily size it from that by using a simple conversion chart and told him to come back the following day. His sudden good spirit had fallen as he explained he couldn't do and asked her to see if here was anything she could do, even contemplating taking it and having it sizes back in Florida. But, after the shitty run of events over the last week, his luck was in after she returned 5 minutes later with a slip of paper, informing him it would be ready by the end of the day. When he had told Mary he was going to ask Fliss to marry him, she'd been so excited. She'd asked when, where and when he said he didn’t know she'd given him the most exasperated look on the planet. The only one of his friend who he had confided in, Greg, hadn’t been much help either, simply telling him to do it in a way that meant something to them both. Simply put he just hadn't a fucking clue. He had agonized over how to pop the question. On the boat? Or maybe a sunset on their favourite spot at St Pete's beach? Did he wait for New York? As such, Frank had taken to carrying the ring around with him, waiting for that moment when it felt right. So far it hadn't happened at home and as it stood New York wasn’t faring any better. He had thought about it at the top of the Empire state, but it had been too busy. Then there was a moment in Central Park after they had been snowman building that might have worked...until Fliss had nailed him in the face with a snowball. So they'd had a snowball fight instead. Then when walking over Brooklyn Bridge, the skyline behind them… then when they walked back to the Hotel after seeing the Lion King on Broadway, going the long way round to see the display in Macy's window all lit up...and then that moment before when Mary had taken a picture of them kissing under the tree on the ice rink... but none of it felt right. It didn't feel like the moment for them. But now something stirred in his gut. This could be it. It wasn't too busy, the place was gorgeous, right in front of the tree Fliss had been so desperate to see... Ok Adler, you can do this. Taking a deep breath he pulled the box from his pocket when he heard Mary give a squeal. "Oh...wow! Frankie look..." Fliss' voice was a whisper and she nudged him, pointing to the base of the tree. He followed her gaze to see a blonde haired man down on one knee, presenting a ring to a dark haired woman who had her hands clasped over her mouth. Frank slipped the box back into his pocket and stared at the man as he placed the ring onto his now fiancés finger and did his best to look like he cared when Fliss let out a soft "Awwww" The man looked around excitedly, his eyes falling on the three of them before he asked Frank if he or Fliss would mind taking a photo for them. "Course not buddy, congratulations." Frank smiled. Fucking prick... ***** "It was AMAZING!" Mary gushed to Verity as they walked to the car, Fliss' parents having come to pick them up from the airport. "we saw so much stuff but nowhere near all of it but Frank said we could go back next year in the summer maybe and do a bit more." "Looks like someone else had a good time too." Bill smiled, nodding to Fliss who let out a loud yawn. Frank chuckled "She was up all night, I told her not to have more food so close to bed time." "I wanted a hot dog and a pretzel." Fliss mumbled, "Besides, it's nothing to do with the food...we did a lot of walking." Bill gave a snort "You ride horses for a living, you should be fit enough to walk round New York" "I probably skated about 4 miles too..." Fliss said looking at Mary "Someone wouldn't come off the ice rink" "You been sleeping ok otherwise?" Verity looked at her "I'm fine mum." She smiled "No anxiety?" 'V, she said she's fine so leave it" Bill said gently and Fliss shot a grateful look at her dad. She knew her mum was only concerned but she was fed up of assuring people she was fine. After the attack from John she had suffered a bout of delayed shock which had manifested in a few panic attacks, nightmares, and restlessness at night and on one occasion nausea. Luckily Frank had been brilliant at keeping calm when she had an episode, helping her work through it and the last incident she had suffered had been over a week ago. Once they were all in the car, Frank took the passenger seat after Verity offered it to him, Mary continued to chat all the drive home about New York, Fliss and Frank butting in here and there. They arrived home little after 30 minutes later and Fliss headed up the steps with Mary, Thor almost sending the pair of them flying when they opened the door. "Oh puppy I missed you!" Fliss smiled as she gave him plenty of attention and he kept licking her face, whining and emitting quiet little barks. "Did you miss me? Did you?" "Yerress" Frank did his best Scooby Doo impression as he walked past and Fliss let out a laugh, as she stood up and headed into the living room behind Mary, bumping into the girl as she stopped dead, giving a squeal as she saw the Christmas Tree in the corner. "Mum, Dad?" Fliss called, smiling "I take it you did this?" Frank appeared behind them both, smiling as Fliss and Mary exchanged a glance before they all turned to Bill and Verity who were stood in the doorway. "Well we know how much you like to get your tree up as early as you can and, well we were picking one up for ourselves so we got you one. You don’t mind do you?" Verity, looked at Fliss then Frank. "No, of course not!" Fliss grinned. "Saved me a job." Frank nodded "Thanks guys." "Can we decorate it tonight?" Mary asked "Pleeeeeeeaaaasssseee Frank!" Frank glanced at his watch before giving a sigh, he knew she wouldn't go to bed if he said no anyway so what was the point? Plus she was at the University tomorrow which didn’t start until 10 so... "Ok, but if you so much as grumble tomorrow morning when I get you up you'll be in deep trouble." He looked at her sternly as she stooped to pick Fred up. "Cross my heart, hope to die, we all know Fred's got one eye..." she chanted off, nodding. "We brought your box of decorations from the annex." Verity smiled at Fliss, nodding to the box on the floor. "We thought you could pick what you want to keep now you're combining."

“Speaking of decorations…” Frank said, looking at Mary.

“Oh…yeah…hang on…” She said, running to the sofa where she had dumped her little pink rucksack. She fished out the paper bag they had gotten from the stall and found the Snowman they had bought. With a smile she handed it to Verity who looked down at it, her face curling into a smile as her eyes started to prick with tears.

“Fliss said you wouldn’t mind the names Mary wanted on them.” Frank said, watching carefully.

“Of course we don’t mind!” Bill smiled, picking Mary up to give her a hug “We are Nanny V and Poppa B ain’t that right kiddo?” “Yep!” she grinned, hugging him.

“We’ll save it to hang tomorrow when you come over after school.” Verity said as Bill set Mary on the floor and she hugged her tightly.

After a little more chat Verity and Bill left and Frank instructed Mary to change into her Pyjamas before they did the tree. Deciding that was a good idea, Fliss did the same and before long they were all in the living room. Fliss and Mary going through the boxes of decorations, Frank wrestling with the tangle of fairy lights. How they managed to get so fucking knotted up after simply being in a box for 12 months was beyond him.

He had just about managed it when Thor came over to inspect what he was doing, and dropped straight onto his back on top of the string.

“Thor…get out of it…” he grumbled, pushing the dog who simply rolled over, taking half the lights with him, tangling them round his legs and his tails. “Jesus Christ…stand still…for fucks sake…”

Thinking this was a huge game, Thor started to bounce around, barking, and Frank shook his head. “Fliss, sort this mutt out….” Fliss gave a laugh and dropped off the sofa, calling Thor to her. He sat down, allowing Frank to remove the lights before he stood up, shaking them out. Together the 3 of them wound them round the tree before they made a start on the decorations.

“Frank got me this for my first Christmas.” Mary said, hanging a red bauble which had her name on it. “The glitter has all fallen off it now.”

“We can add more if you want.” Fliss looked at her and Mary shrugged.

“I kinda like it.” It didn’t take them long, and their wooden trinkets from New York were the last ones they hung, Mary ensuring they took pride of place. Frank then lifted her up so she could place the star at the top before they stood back.

“Ready for the big turn on?” Frank asked, grinning. Mary and Fliss cheered and began a countdown from 5. When they hit 1 Frank hit the switch and the lights on the tree came to life. He stepped back, looking up at it, his arm curling round Fliss’ shoulder, his other dropping to Mary as she grinned.

“Best Tree ever.” she smiled.

“Yeah, and now it’s time for the best bed ever…” he looked at her.

“Seriously?” Mary complained

“No moaning, remember?” Frank instructed her. “That was in the morning.”

“Well I just extended it to now as well.” he said, shrugging “Because I can, so get…” “Fine, fine, I’m going…” she grumbled. “Night Fliss.” “Night sweetie.” Fliss dropped a kiss to her head before Mary shot a filthy look at Frank who met her with a passive one of his own.

“I’ll be in in a second.” Frank shot after her, watching as she headed down to the hallway. He turned back to Fliss who was watching the tree, a smile on her face.

“Not exactly up to Macey’s standards…” Frank chuckled and she shook her head.

“I love it.” “It looks like an Elf threw up on it.”

“All trees should be like that.” Fliss shrugged, before she gave his cheek a peck. “Now, you go sort Mary and I’ll get us both a beer.” “Actually…” he said, looping his arms round her waist. “I believe there was something else you promised me tonight…” “Oh, yes, of course, Frankie has needs…” she replied with an almost uncanny impersonation, which made him snort. “Does that mean no beer?”

“No beer.” “You want me to wait in bed.” “Yes I do.” he nodded “Go, I’ll let Thor out and lock up.”

Grinning she accepted his kiss and smiled as she turned around, casting him a quite frankly sinful look over her shoulder which almost had him hard right there and then. Not wanting to wait a moment longer he sorted the dog, locked the door, poked his head into Mary’s room to wish her goodnight, and headed into their bedroom. Fliss was hanging her jeans in the closet after having simply discarded them on the bed earlier, and wasting no time Frank pulled off his T-shirt, tossing it to the side before he stepped up behind her, spinning her round to face him. He pressed his lips to hers, deepening the kiss as he slid his hands down to cup her ass and she smirked into the kiss.

“I like your ass.” he muttered. “I like yours too” she said back, “And your arms”

He laughed and pulled back to look down at her as her fingers trailed up his biceps. “My arms?”

“Yeah, your big, strong arms, and your big, broad shoulders and your stupid, handsome face…” she muttered, pulling him back down to her. In between the dizzying kisses Frank steered her towards the bed, and as her legs collided with the edge he stopped to gently trail kisses across her bare collar bone. His lips found her jaw and then, with a wicked quirk of his eyebrow he reached down for her thighs, and grabbing them he pulled them forwards, causing her to fall backwards as he pitched them both onto the bed. As she laughed he chuckled slightly before he kissed her again, and then it was a scramble to get out of his clothes as fast as he could before he fell back on top of his girl, his hands pulling up her camisole top, lips kissing at the spot just below her ear before he slid down her shorts, his mouth gently kissing a trail up from her belly through the middle of her breasts, up her neck and finally back to her mouth.

Fliss was utterly lost now, in the usual whirl of love, and lust and passion and kissed him back, hard as his hand gently dropped between her legs and he felt her slick against the tips of his fingers as he gently coaxed at her clit, continuing until she was nothing short of a writhing mess clawing at his back, aching for him. They locked eyes as he took her left hand in his, and slowly worked into her, both moaning simultaneously at the sensation, Fliss’s eyes rolling back at the exquisite stretch inside. Frank began to move his hips slowly, deeply, his thrusts weren’t measured in the slightest despite the fact he was absolutely aching for her. He wanted to take it slow, end what had been an amazing trip in the same mood it had started in, absolute pure love.

His mouth moved back to Fliss’s neck, nipping gently at her skin and she let out low moan as he picked up the pace ever so slightly, his spare hand kept hold of her hip, keeping her as close to him as she could possibly be.

“Fuck, Frank, right there…” she groaned as he hit her spot and he smirked slightly, he loved the way she got like this with him, ever so demanding at times, such a far cry from the timid woman he had fallen for the previous year.

“Yeah?” he panted as she gave a soft cry, her body tensing underneath him “Good.” “So good…” she moaned, arching her back. His mouth found hers again and his hand slid from her hip to gently tease her nipple and she rolled her hips to grind up against him, changing the angle slightly causing him to go deeper.

“Lissy…” he panted as he drove into her deeply, slowly, and then again and again, his pace increasing ever so slightly. Every single sense Frank possessed was on fire and he broke the long, lazy kiss that they were sharing to stifle a moan against her cheek when he felt her clench around him, a tell-tale sign she was nearing her release. The sheets rustled underneath and around them both as his hips pushed up against hers, and Frank saw Fliss’ head tip back, her throat bared to him in utter bliss as she came hard, her moans soft and breathy into his ear. Frank picked up his pace slightly, chasing his own end as he pushed her through hers, and when he felt that snake in his belly beginning to unravel, he gave a low grunt which morphed into a gasp as he clung to Fliss, spilling himself into her, his hips slowing to a stop as he collapsed forward. Fliss gave a soft chuckle as her hands gently slid up his back and into his hair, as she moved and pressed a soft kiss to his head.

“I know I keep saying it but I really do fuckin’ love you Cowgirl.” he said, voice muffled as his face pressed into her neck.

Fliss gave a chuckle “I’ll never tire of hearing it Sailor. “

He moved to look at her, flashing her a grin before he caught her mouth in a sweet kiss. **** "You still not managed it?" Greg asked as they stood at the bar, waiting for their drinks. Frank sighed and glanced at Fliss who was sat with Bonnie in the booth, the pair of them sniggering at something. "Do you see a ring on her finger?" He looked at Greg. "No" "Well there's your answer." "What's the hold up, man?" Greg frowned. "Nothing has felt right." Frank sighed "she won’t want a huge fuss in front of people so that basically ruled out all of New York...bar one moment when I thought it was time, in front of the tree at Rockefeller...and then some douchebag went and beat me to it, proposing to his girl whilst we watched..." "You're over thinking it." Greg said, looking at Frank "Take a step back. When are the pair of you at your best? The time you enjoy most, I mean" "Honestly?" Frank shrugged "at night when Mary's gone to bed and we finally sit down and just watch TV or joke around." "Well there you go." Greg shrugged "What, at home?" Frank frowned "Why not?" Greg looked at him "the point isn't to be showy or flashy but to show her you wanna spend the rest of your life with her." Frank pondered this for a moment. Greg has a point. They were at their happiest doing the simple things, spending quiet time together, being fucking normal. Fliss loved it when they curled up and Frank would simply cuddle her close and kiss her head, easy signs of affection that she had craved all through her wreck of a marriage. And Frank loved it too, because it made him feel grounded, time for him to simply be Frank in his own right, the very thing he used to use his Friday night drinking sessions for. Now he could feel it every night, thanks to Lissy…

And then, suddenly an idea came to him, out of nowhere.

Oh, it was perfect! "Greg..." he smiled, slapping the man on the back "you are a genius." "Glad I could be of service." Greg smirked "This means I get best man duty, right?"

Frank smirked at him, shrugging, not giving anything away. His eyes flicked back to Fliss who had now stood up, Simon having returned to the table sliding in next to Bonnie. Frank’s eyes travelled up her bare legs, from her high-heels up to the short little pink playsuit she was wearing, which was printed with black palm trees and other patterns, the small straps settling on her tanned shoulders, the front showing him just enough cleavage. She was wearing a black butterfly necklace that she had bought in New York and her hair was loose, falling over her shoulders in soft curls. Her brown eyes locked onto his and he smiled as he remembered the last Circle Of Truth Christmas outing the previous year, when he had told her he loved her for the first time. And here they were, now 5 days away from their second Christmas together.

“Hey beautiful” he smiled as she reached his side. His arm curled round her and he pressed a kiss to her cheek “You ok?” “Yeah, just thirsty.” she smiled. “Can I get a water as well as my gin please?”

“Sure…” he turned to look at the bar tender who was pulling their drinks together. Once he had attracted his attention and added a bottle of water to the order he turned back to her as Greg spoke up.

“Frank said you enjoyed New York.” “Oh, it was fantastic.” she smiled “Every bit as magical as I thought it was going to be.”

“Good, I’m glad you all had a good time.” Greg smiled “You deserved it after everything that went down.” “Yeah well, he’s banged up now. His brother is going to go down for Endangerment or whatever it is you call it, its’ done, it’s over.” Fliss smiled, “We got the rest of our lives ahead of us now.” “Well, if that doesn’t call for shots then I don’t know what does…” Greg smirked as the bar tender placed their drinks in front of them.

“No, Greg…” Fliss started to protest but Greg cut her off.

“Yes Greg!” he smirked, turning to the bar tender, “Can I get a bottle of Tequila pal and 8 glasses.” Fliss groaned “I’m teaching at 9 am!”

“Dumbass…” Greg looked at her and Frank gave a snort.

“I told you to switch them out…”

“I can’t!” she pouted “I already did for Boston and New York…” “Well…” Greg smirked as the bar tender set the bottle and glasses down in front of him “Looks like you’re doing it with a hangover honey.” “Fuck my life…” **** Fuck my life indeed. Fliss spent the following morning throwing up, groaning once more that she was never drinking tequila EVER again. Frank reminded her of how many times she had said that over the time he had known her and she’d simply let out a huge fake sob and thrown herself face down on the bed again declaring that she didn’t want to adult anymore as it sucked.

The days before Christmas passed in the usual chaos. Presents were wrapped and stashed under the tree, more drinks were had with Friends. Evelyn visited for a few days, which had actually almost pleased Frank a little. She wasn’t staying for Christmas, her arrangements having already been made, but she had hinted that maybe next year she could, to which Frank and Fliss had both agreed. She had been taken with Mary’s gift to her and had laughed out loud when Bill and Verity had presented her with a case of Malbec, the same Malbec she’d smashed a bottle of over John’s head. Her gifts to them both had been a substantial chunk of money, in the thousands, and when Frank had protested at the amount on the cheque she had waved it off as 8 years of owed presents. Mary’s was wrapped so it was placed under the tree for Christmas morning. Evelyn headed back to Boston on the morning of Christmas Eve, Frank and Mary driving her to the airport instead of her driver, where they had both bid her a Happy Christmas and waved her goodbye as she headed off to spend it with her friends in Newton.

After the final preparations were made Frank, Fliss and Mary collapsed onto the sofa for a Marathon of Christmas Films. Mary was, as usual, excited and the copious amounts of chocolate and candy she was shovelling down weren’t helping either, but what the hell, it was Christmas after all.

"You ok?" Frank glanced at Fliss as she sat on the other side of the couch. Love Actually was playing, the final film of the evening before Mary went to bed. Fliss, however didn't look like she was paying attention. "Huh?" She looked at him, blinking. "I said are you ok? You look like you were miles away"

“Yeah, sorry, I was errr…just running through things in my head, making sure nothing was forgotten.” Frank smiled. They were hosting Verity and Bill tomorrow as Steven and his family were at his wife’s parents for this year, flying out instead of the 28th to spend New Year’s with them all. Fliss had asked Frank if they could host, as she’d never had the chance to do that before and of course he had agreed, not least because of the excited look on her face when she had asked.

“The table is set, food and everything is ready to go…” he chuckled, looking at her “Just relax…”

He reached round Mary, his hand gently rubbing at Fliss’ back and she smiled at him, turning her attention to the TV.

20 minutes or so later the film finished and Mary jumped up, grabbing Frank’s hand to make him dance to God Only Knows as the final closing scenes played out. He smiled and picked her up, resting her on his hip as he twirled her round to the song, the pair of them laughing before he eventually dropped her down and told her it was bed time. She scooted off, Fred trotting behind her, his tail swishing as she skipped and Frank headed in about 5 minutes later to tuck her in, before he came back to the living room.

“She wants you to go and say goodnight.” he smiled,

Fliss nodded and stood up.

“You sure you’re ok?” Frank asked.

“Yeah, honestly, I’m just tired.” she assured him. Giving him a kiss she headed up the hall and Frank watched her go before he smiled to himself, and set about quickly putting the last touches to his plan.

She came back about 10 minutes later and he smiled at her as she walked into the room.

“OK, now she’s out of the way…I got something for you...” Frank smiled.

Fliss looked at him before she shook her head, chuckling a little “I got something for you too…Frank, I have-” “Me first.” Frank cut her off.

She looked at him for a second, his bright blue eyes were shining as he grinned at her and she rolled her eyes.

“Fine…” she smiled, “Ok, you first.” He grinned and then folded his arms “You gotta find it.” “What?”

“It’s hidden, on the tree, and you gotta find it.” Her face lit up as she gave a laugh “You are such a dork!” “Yeah, I know…” Narrowing her eyes playfully she moved to the tree, glancing at it. “Ok so it’s not very big then, seeing as I can’t see it straight away.” Frank shrugged as she continued her search.

“I haven’t put it high up, seeing as you’re a short ass…” “I’m perfectly average for a woman thank you.” “Trust me baby girl, nothing about you is average.” he winked and she let out a snort.

“Charmer.” she grinned, turning back to the tree.

“Ok, you’re miles off…” he said, and she moved to her right “Gettin’ warmer…warmer…ok, yep, nearly there…” Fliss continued to search, and then something caught her eye. There was something shiny handing from the nose of her Doe ornament. She stepped forward slightly, and when she realised what it was her right hand flew to her mouth. Frank’s breath caught in his throat as she spun to face him, her eyes wide.

"You, me and Mary have been hanging out together since August last year now...” he said, clearing his throat slightly “How do you feel about hanging with us forever?" He watched, holding his breath as Fliss' chest heaved with emotion as she looked at him, those brown eyes he could happily stare at all day were full of tears, the hand which had flown to her mouth in surprise was now shaking as it slid to the spot beneath her throat, that dip in her neck that he could nuzzle at forever. "I'll hang with you for as long as you'll have me..." she whispered, taking a deep breath. "Is that a yes?" Frank inhaled sharply and a watery laugh burst through her tears. "Yes. Yes, a thousand times yes!" Frank's face split into a huge grin "shit..." he sputtered before she threw herself into his arms and he lifted her up easily, her legs wrapping around his waist as he held her close, kissing her neck. She pulled back and placed a kiss to his lips, long and short pecks being shared as she laughed and he laughed, the pair of them simply lost in the moment until eventually he set her down and with a shaking hand he reached out to retrieve the ring from where it was hanging. Taking her left hand in his, with a deep breath he slipped the diamond onto her finger.

Fliss looked at it, admiring the way the delicate band sat underneath her knuckle, the beautiful diamond twinkling in the lights of the tree.

"Oh Frankie...it’s gorgeous..." she whispered, before she looked at him, taking his face in both his hands and pulling him down for a deep kiss. "I love you so much."

"I love you too." He smiled, kissing her again before he pulled away, his hands linking behind her back.

"I err, got us some champagne." He smiled, "I know it was presumptive of me but figured we could have it tomorrow if you turned me down." Fliss looked up at him, blinking before she took a deep breath “First I need to get you…just wait here…” He released her from his hold and she turned and headed out of the room, Frank watched her go, blinking for a moment before he shrugged and headed to the fridge, the smile still plastered on his face. She said yes!

Not that he had doubted she would, not really, but there had always been that little bit of fright she may have done. But that was all gone now. As he popped the cork on the bottle he found himself thinking about how he would be doing that soon enough on his wedding day. He poured 2 glassed and headed into the living room with them wondering if maybe a late Autumn wedding next year would be nice, October perhaps when it started to cool off slightly. They could do the beach wedding she always wanted, hire a marquee... Lost in his thoughts completely he jumped a little when Fliss spoke his name and turned to look at her as she stood in front of him, the back of his thighs brushing against the sofa slightly. He noticed her hand was in her pocket, clutching something. Playfully he nodded towards it “I assume that’s not a spanner." He chuckled, referencing the joke they often shared and Fliss shook her head, biting her lip. "No...it’s...a bit bigger than that" With a shaky hand she pulled out a small, white stick of plastic and held it towards him. It took Frank a moment to understand what it was and as soon as he did his eyes widened and he looked at her, then it, then back again.

"You're...we're...no...that's..." he stuttered, reaching out to take it from her. "I found out this morning." Fliss whispered, watching hair reaction carefully "I suspected last week but thought it might all be down to stress and stuff but..." "How, I mean..." "I should have started a new pill packet when we went to Boston but I forgot to take it with me. I thought I'd be ok if I started as soon as I got back but..." "There's a baby in there?" Frank cut her off as he stumbled over his words, nodding to her stomach "Yeah" Fliss nodded. "You put it there." Frank's legs grew shaky and he dropped onto the sofa, staring down at the test in his hands.

2 blue lines.

2 blue lines that had just changed his world forever. "I'm sorry, I know this is sudden and I should have been more careful..." Fliss took a tentative step towards him and he reached out, his hands on either side of her hips, gently pulling her t-shirt up. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to her belly, his forehead resting just above her navel. "I'm gonna be a dad..." he said, pulling back, his eyes watering. "Frankie, you already are..." Fliss said, her own tears once more springing forth. "I know you hate it when I say that about Mary but it's true." He looked at her, a dazed smile split his face into two as he pulled her onto his lap, where she straddled him, and he kissed her, hard, leaving her slightly breathless before he rest his forehead against hers. "Fuck, Lissy..." he whispered, his eyes closed "You're cooking a little person..." She spluttered a laugh, nodding, her forehead brushing his as she did. "Was it made in Boston...is that the right word?" He pulled back to look at her and she laughed, brushing her hand through his fluffy hair as his gently reached out to rest against her stomach. "Yeah and most likely." "It's a little Boston Bean" he grinned and she laughed again, pressing her lips to his. "You're ok with it then? I know it's probably not what you would have planned but..." "Ok? Of course I'm ok!" He smiled "I love you and the thought of us making a little person that's half me, half you...fuck, it's amazing." She smiled and nodded, her voice a whisper "I know..."

"There is one problem." Franks said, his arms wrapping tightly around her. "What?" "You just ruined Christmas forever...because nothing is ever gonna live up to this ever again."