#also making this my pinned post bcs i am THAT proud of myself

[redr0sewrites]

some of my fav fic writers !

🥀 hi everyone!!!! i wanted to make something to show appreciation to some of my fav fic writers on here, bc as a writer myself, ive been noticing a tremendous amount of negativity and lack of interaction on fics recently. i'll probably update this list as i continue writing and existing here on Tumblr, and i'll attach it to my pinned post so people can view it whenever. its so disheartening and sad that fics aren't getting as many reblogs and interactions as they used to, and i just wanted to say that im so so proud of all of u and ur all wonderful writers!! i hope this list makes u happy, and i also hope this encourages some of my own followers to go check these people out!!

@bigfatbimbo - aaaa where do i even begin!!!! Ellie, your def one of my fav mutuals, and everything you write is always amazing!!! i love your recent gravity falls fics, along with your old hazbin fics and everything else you've written. i love the vocabulary you use in your fics, your writing style in general is actually amazing. you always make the reader so relatable, and your one of my fav dom!reader blogs!! i absolutely adore interacting with you on here, and im so so happy we became mutuals. your also incredibly funny, and your upbeat attitude always makes me happy!

@peachdues - you are so lovely and sweet!!! your genuinely so mature, and its so refreshing seeing your posts on my dash. you always have great takes, and your fics are fantastic. i love seeing all of your sneak peeks and intros to fics, and i love how much effort you put into everything you write. genuinely, you are so talented, and ive been reading ur fics since the first chapter of Into The Netherwood. your Sanemi fics in general are fantastic, and you are so talented!!

@flametrashira - FLAMEY!!!! you are another one of my favorite mutuals, and i love how much you love writing. you always seem so upbeat talking about your favorite characters, and it makes me smile whenever i see you talking about your favs on my dash. your fics and headcanons are fantastic, and i love pretty much everything you've written in all of your fandoms. seriously, you're actually so funny and sweet and you're writing is phenomenal. your always so kind and encouraging, and i love how polite and respectful you are on here.

@sniigura - AAAAA!!!! YOU ARE SO COOL!!!!! genuinely, i love seeing your fics. i am constantly thinking about collage au adam, and i love seeing your adam headcanons on my dash. never stop being you!!! seriously, i am still thinking about those siren!reader x marine biologist! adam hcs from WEEEKS ago. your writing is literally addictive, and you turned me into an even bigger adam fan then i already was. your literally so funny and i love everything you write. i love the internal monologue you include for the reader, and i genuinely relate to your reader sm! i love how much effort you put into characterization and writing as a whole, and im constantly looking forward to seeing you on my dash

@mostly-imagines - you are sooooo talented!!! everything you post has me giggling, you were one of the first Jason Todd fic writers i followed and i adore every single one of your fics. your so talented, and your fics manage to invoke so many emotions and visualizations for me. i love how descriptive your writing is, your writing style is so unique and so beautiful. i consistently find myself rereading your fics because they are some of the best i've ever read. your angst is heart wrenching, your smut is delicious, and your fluff is adorable!!! seriously never stop, your writing is amazing and you deserve the wrold!!!

@vampcubus - ive been following you for sooo long, and literally everything you write is fantastic. genuinely, you produce banger after banger and i love your writing style so much. your smut is actually so good, and its so rare to find a dom!reader blog on here. i literally devour every single one of your posts, and i love reading your fics and headcanons!!! you genuinely seem so cool, and your blog theme is AMAZINGG. i love how much effort you put into the visuals of your fics, and overall, you just seem so talented and creative.

@purple-obsidian - oh my goodness, you're literally so cool. i love your Jason Todd fics an unhealthy amount, i've been OBSESSED with Say it Back foreverrrrrr. you're actually so talented, and your writing is so descriptive it makes me go crazy!!!! i adore the way you write smut too, theres so much feeling behind it and i relate to your reader so much. you were one of the first DC writers i followed, and i love everything you write. genuinely, you are so talented. i reread all of your Arkham knight fics a lot, and i seriously admire you

@killakalx - you're literally soo talented it makes me go CRAZZYYYY- i love your fics and headcanons so much i start tweaking whenever you post something new. your dick grayson fics are fantastic, bsf!dick is literally always on my mind- same with your pheremone oil fic w jason todd, like i genuinely think about that 3-4 times per day like seriously reading it changed my brain chemistry. your writing style is soooo good, and i love everything you post. you seem so funny and chill, and i just love your blog so much!!! you are an inspiration, and i love seeing you on my dash !!!

@sanguineterrain - your fics have me DROOLING like actually you write so good- i love your interpretation of virgin!Jason and everything you write has me SCREAMINGGG. i love seeing you on my dash, and i swear every one of your Jason posts make my day. your so relatable and cool, and i scroll through your blog on the daily. everything you post is so entertaining, and i love your writing style in general!!!!

@hoodzgyal - everything you write is PHENOMENAL im not even kidding. from virgin!jason to college!dick, i adore everything you write. seeing you appear on my dash is like a holiday, and i literally adore your smut. your so talented, and your mommy kink!jason hcs actually make me go CRAZZYYY i think about them constantly!!! you have such a chill and sweet demeanor on your blog, and it's really uplifting to see on my dash. i love everything you post, and i also LOVE your theme!!! the red is genuinely so pretty and it's one of my favs. all in all, you seem soo cool, and your fics are amazing!!!!

@jasontoddproblems - i am like platonically in love with you and everything you write. your Longest Night series is actually FANTASTIC, i reread it often, and it makes me go crazy every time. the way you write Jason is actually so amazing, and i eat it up every time. i also adore your most recent fic, about Red Hood falling asleep next to you, and URGRHRHRH ITS SO CUTE. i genuinely love the reveal, and how cute and fluffy it is. i love your fics so so so much, and everything you post makes me happy. you seem so sweet and kind, and i just love seeing you on my feed!!! as a fellow jason todd enjoyer, i love your fics an unhealthy amount.

@hanasnx - you are actually so cool AND i love your theme so much its so unique!!!! from star wars to DC, literally everything you write is amazing. i LOVE your anakin skywalker and han solo fics, along with all of your jason todd, dick grayson fics, and terry mcginnis fics. your headcanons are amazingg and i actually adore your writing style. i seriously struggle to find anyone else who writes terry as well as you do, and i LOVE how you write for the batboys as well. your smut is delicious, and i seriously love seeing you on my dash. you also have some really good takes outside of writing, and i agree with you a lot as a person. you just seem like such a talented writer, and i fucking love everything you post!!!!

@uc1wa - your frat!dick hits so hard- like SERIOUSLYYY you have one of the best interpretations of him i've seen and its sooo yummy. i love your writing and headcanons so much, i actually love the way you write smut. your writing style is so descriptive, and the way you write dialogue is actually delicious. your DC fics are to die for, and i find myself scrolling through your blog a LOT lmao. seriously never stop, you are so talented and i love everything you write!!!

@chikaras-garden - you are soo aaaaaaa!!!! i love love LOVE the way you write beyond!damian, seriously those are some of my favorite fics of all time. your on eof the few fic authors i know who write for him, and your literally so good at it!!!!!!! i eat it up every single time, you are SO talented!!!! i also adore the way you write Dick and Jason, you characterize them so well and your fics are always sooo yummy. i love seeing you on my dash, literally all of your fics and thirsts are fantastic

@dayasusays - your smut fics are literally FANTASTIC- seriously, the way you incorporate dialogue is so great, and i love love LOVEEE your dick grayson fics. your welcome back fic is SO bittersweet, but also so delicious at the same time. the way you use emotions and descriptions within your writing is fantastic, and your vocabulary is so good too. your fics are all so unique, and i love your headcanons too!!!! i love all of your husband!bruce wayne hcs, they're actually soooo yummy!!!! all in all, your fics are AMAZING and i would reread your entire masterlist everyday if i could.

@ivysangel - i love your blog SOOO much its uncanny- your frat!hcs are literally my fav of all time. i think about them 24/7, 365 days a year. everything you write is SO good, like seriouslyyyyyyy i adore it. i LOVEEEEEEEEEE everything you write for dick grayson, you characterize him SO well and it makes me go crazy every single time- same for jason todd, overall you are so so talented and your fics are amazing- same with your headcanons!!! your blog is so pretty and you seem so sweet, i just love seeing you on my dash!!

@martiniluvr - you were the first DC fic blog i ever followed, and your fics are SO good- you inspired me to write for DC in the first place, and literally EVERYTHINGGG you post is actually fantastic. i fucking LOOOVE your dick grayson and jason todd nsfw alphabet, and literally everything you post is to die for. i love your DC batboys hcs in general, and your most recent fantasize hcs post?? AAHEHSJSHSJDH i was SCREAMINGG- seriously you are so so so talented and i LOVE your characterization. i also adore the way you write Bruce, and seeing you on my dash is like a wish come true.

@archangeldyke-all - ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV MUTUALS!!! i love love LOVE all of your sevika fics, she is criminally underrated and the love of my life. we seriously need more wlw fanfic blogs on here, and your definitely one of my favs. i LOVE your fic about cockwarming sevika, i think about it OFTEN and urgrhrhrh shes just sooo pretty. i love everything you write and i devour it everytime- seriously, never stop!!!!! i do not see enough sevika x reader on here, and i love how much you write for her. seeing you on my dash makes me sosososos happy, and i just love how energetic and sweet you seem!!!!

@makethatelevenrings - your writing is phenomenal, especially the way you write for Jason Todd !!!! i LOVE your two scoops series, and also adore everything you write for Dick Grayson and DC in general. you are truly sosoososos talented and i aspire to achieve your use of descriptions and adjectives! the way you characterize the characters in your writing is just fantastic, and i've never read a fic of yours that i haven't enjoyed !

@shiggyhatesme - oh em gee ! i know i just followed you recently, but i LOVE LOVE LOOOOVEE your writing so much ! the way you invoke emotions within your writing is actually fantastic, every single time i read your fics i start to lose my marbles in the best way ! your characterization of dabi is absolutely fantastic, your probably one of my favorite writers for him, and your genuinely amazing. i also LOVE ur theme and how you make your fics so visually appealing!!!

@bbluefllame - your writing has me giggling twirling my hair and kicking my feet genuinely truly and soulfully your writing pulled me out of a writers block i didn't even know i was in !!!! i fucking LOOOVE your smau's, and your full fics/drabbles are also just so fun to read ! your characterization of touya/dabi is genuinely amazing, like one of the best ive ever seen. i also love how spirited and bright you make "y/n" in your fics, and i find your writing to just be so relatable and creative !!! you deserve sm more attention ur literally so underrated !!!

@heavysighing-dreamyeyes - i adore you- your jason todd fics ARE SOOO AMAZING it makes me begin to TWEAK !!!! your so soulful and genuine in your writing, and i love how you incorporate and convey emotions within your fics. your jason todd is just so real and raw and fantastic, and between the smut and the fluff i just adore everything you write!!!! you are so so talented and wonderful !!!

@sodapopwrites - ive never met an eris vanserra writer that didn't cook EVERY SINGLE TIMEEEE and you never fail to disappoint !!!! your first sign of fall series has actually changed my LIFE LMAO- you are so descriptive, relatable, and creative! the terminology and vocabulary you incorporate in your fics creates such an emotional and professional vibe, and you are great at describing scenarios and emotions. i can vividly picture myself in your acotar modern au's, and the characterization and bonds between characters you include in your fics is just phenomenal. you are a truly spectacular writer !!!

just made some updates to thisss !

this took so long aaa- but it was worth it!!!!!!! i will be updating this as i go, and i am so so sooo sorry if i forgot anyone!!!! anyways, i hope this made some people happy, i know it made me happy!!!!! if you aren't a fic writer and are just reading this for fun, pls check these writers out!!! remember to reblog and send your fellow fic writers some love, they deserve it!!!!

[dgdraws]

Maybe saying this on my 18 follower art sideblog is silly, but I want to offer some gentle pushback on the sentiment that's been going around re: notes on art and lack of engagement.

TL;DR make it your practice to be the person who rbs art with nice tags and you can build a community of likeminded folks

There are myriad reasons why online comment culture has shifted, I'm not gonna waste time pinning that stuff down, bc it's actually immaterial to my perspective, which is:

You can find or create a community of people who will lift up your art. But it requires that you participate in the culture you want to see more of.

I had been a lurker on this site for a decade. I held back participating in discussions, creating or sharing art, engaging directly with anyone outside of following blogs and rbing posts without commentary. And during that time, I made no connections, no friends, built no community.

I was afraid of scrutiny. I have felt the humiliating lurch of earnest engagement turning to dread and exposure and a deep regret of allowing myself to be vulnerable. I pulled up the ladder behind me so I would never have to hear the slightest dismissal or repulsion or ridicule from others. In so doing I also cut myself off from praise, understanding or connection. If no one gets a chance to let me down, then it's as though they're holding me up, right? Wrong!!!

I paid good money for a therapist to help me work out the lie there. The realization that I felt isolated and misunderstood because I never gave people the opportunity to show up for me was so hard to grasp. How could my safety net be the cause of my profound loneliness? But it is true. The people in my life couldn't disappoint me, but they also couldn't help me or support me or really love me the way I needed.

Opening myself up to disappointment has been a long, tough road (and goodness knows I'm not ready to let my parents let me down (again) yet). But my relationships are strengthening. My sense of identity is more stable. I am not inconsolably lonely deep in my heart anymore. Because it turns out people do show up when you give them the opportunity.

Not every time. Not every person. But enough of the time that it builds resilience. Every time I reach out and someone reaches back, I get a little braver. I trust a little more.

To bring this back around to online culture and community: I started receiving interest (and notes) after I started showing interest in others. Once again it turns out that people want to turn up for you, but you must give them the opportunity. This means making yourself vulnerable. It means taking the first step.

If you want a community, a group of people who interact w a certain set of values, you have to demonstrate it. Live those values. This is how we create culture. We choose what behavior we want to encourage and we set an example. This is as true in a workplace or a family as it is for tumblr or ao3. If your boss puts up a sign that says "we see mistakes as a chance to learn" but they punish people when they mess up, that's just words on the wall. If they accept errors graciously, if they work to suss out the root of the problem to resolve it, if they are open about their own mistakes, that is the culture.

So if we want to see more reblogs, but not just that, real engagement and chances for connection, then it starts with you.

Here's what I do that has helped me make friends and spark genuine interest in my work;

Reblog LOW NOTE art as much as, if not more than, posts with thousands of notes. Feel proud to give someone the first note on their work!

Incorporate leaving nice tags into my gratitude practice (it is a form of mindfulness! noticing what specifically draws me to art I rb both engages me more deeply with the work and makes my own art better)

Queue up several art posts from the same artist (people notice when you are consistently in their notes!)

Participate in art events like artfight, various -tobers, other challenges (as with making friends anywhere, repeated exposure leads to familiarity and chances for connection!)

Follow people back or even initiate following blogs who interact with your posts (do not approach this with a f4f mentality, only follow people you actually want to hear more from)

Set up post notifications for portfolio style art blogs (ie sideblogs exclusively for original content) so you keep up w your network/mutuals even if you're offline when they post

Low key notice what the people engaging with you like most about your work and consider expanding on those ideas. This is not about "tailor your work to an audience" it's about thinking, "so-and-so left feral tags on my post about this oc so I'll do my practice sketches of them" or "people seem interested in this storyline so let me feed off that enthusiasm and develop it more"

Don't get hung up on it when individuals don't reciprocate. Assume good faith. You never know what is draining someone's energy. Remember that you are offering a gift, your time and energy yes, but also the chance for someone to show up for you too. If it starts to feel like an obligation, reassess where you're putting that energy, but don't be afraid to be generous.

This has worked wonderfully for me. I went from a person scrolling longingly past posts about beloved mutual culture, not quite believing it could really be like that, to a person who happily gets 3 notes on my former flop posts and posts reblog bait for my besties and reblogs the bait they post for me :)

Apparently I had a lot to say! I kinda hope this doesn't break containment but if it does, please be niceys. I understand if this mindset is not available to you bc of social trauma, depression/anxiety, disability, mental illness or whatever else but please avoid venting that on this post. I love you and I hope you can get here someday, because you're worth it. In the meantime, try to be gentle with yourself and others. xoxo

[starvedvampire]

a little introduction before you proceed

hi everyone, my name is Sabre🩸i’m 25, i only use he/him pronouns, although i don’t identify as 100% male. i’m transmasc, in any case. a bisexual switch*, i welcome all queer people to this space (especially fellow transmascs hi there).

*sub-leaning, usually i only feel comfortable domming people i’ve developed an emotional connection with, but we can try

please keep in mind that i’m in a fulfilling relationship with my partner, @my-vampires-favourite-treat (yes matching usernames 🥰). she is not only the object of all my love and adoration, but also my proud owner and my lovely bun🌻 my mind, body and soul are hers🖤 (also she’s responsible for so many of my most recent kinks omg i fucking love her)

we’re both polyamorous tho, so if you want to sext/flirt with me that’s cool, just as long you know i’ll communicate it to her

please remember that this blog is for me and me alone. if you enjoy the things i post or rb, that’s great, i’m glad to know there are others who share my insanity, but keep in mind i don’t owe anyone here anything and i will block whoever makes me uncomfortable or disrespects me.

I firmly believe the best experiences related to intimacy are the ones that include enthusiastic and clear consent. even if some of the scenarios in this blog don’t explicitly show it, never forget that all sexual interactions fundamentally require consent from all parties involved, as it’s crucial to have it before you engage in kinks (also while you’re engaging bc it’s important to check up on your partner).

Kinks, asks, terms, DNI below the cut…

🩸fuck yES: monsterfucking, aliens, demons, tentacles, slime, belly inflation, oviposition, hucow/lactation/breast expansion, biting and blood as in vampirism, dumbification, breeding (pregnancy but only in theory, never in practice), praise and degradation, corruption, drooling, use of aphrodisiacs, body worship, restraints, humiliation. pet play bc my partner got me into it 🌻 hypno and voyeurism are both tumblr’s fault

🩸 maybe/sometimes: priest kink, cnc, exhibitionism, dacryphilia, hierophilia, light intox (alcohol), r4pe play (idk, still questioning this one)

🩸 dislike/don’t include me: birth (mentions are fine but no graphic descriptions), guns, belly bursting, gore, feet, anything unsanitary

🩸 hard no: detransition kink, misgendering, incest, dd/lg, age play, bestiality

Regarding asks and dms:

🩸 to be honest when it comes to messages i’m not consistent at all but you can try your luck if you want. just please ease into it before jumping into graphic stuff, say hi and your pronouns and stuff.

also please don’t text me in a sexual way if you’re under 22 or over 35, not your fault tho i just don’t feel comfortable.

if you identify as a cishet guy, you can interact with my posts, but pls refrain from flirting with me or anything like that

🩸as for asks, please send more and give me an excuse to touch myself (just keep my pinned info in mind)

Terms you can use when referring to me:

Please only use these, i will only accept others if i’ve previously agreed:

🩸pet and filth names: darling, slut, cumslut, cockslut, pet, love, whore, beloved, sweetheart. call me good boy/pretty boy and i will literally melt🖤

🩸body parts: regarding to the ones that may cause me dysphoria, please only use cunt, hole, tdick, dick, cock, strap, clit, chest and tits. terms for other body parts are all fine.

DO NOT INTERACT / WILL BLOCK YOU IF:

❌ you’re a minor (under 18) or your age isn’t visible in your bio/pinned.

❌ if you send me pictures of genitals with no context/unprompted, i will block you

❌ you fetishize trans people/trans experiences. remember i’m a person and i am worthy of respect just like everybody else

❌ you’re a terf, swerf, transmed, pro-life, ableist, racist, misogynist, homophobic, islamophobic, antisemite. bigots in general please don’t come near here

❌ thinspo blogs stay the fuck away

❌ p*dos i will fucking report you, don’t try me🔪

Tags i’ll be using:

🩸#sabre posts: for random thoughts and whatever

🩸#thirsty sabre: this is my horny license which i can whip out at a moment’s notice

🩸#sabre types: for answering all your horny asks

Anon tags: #💜 #💫

the #🌻 is reserved for my beloved bunny

*i’ll try to tag my kinks as they appear in my posts but i get distracted easily so no promises.

i reserve the right to change/update/alter this at any given time

🖤🩸that’s all, remember to take care of yourselves while misbehaving🩸🖤

[alinktoana]

30 day no fanart challenge

this is the meat of the challenge: no fanart for 30 days (oh wow lol) 1. drawing categories/prompts instead of IP: it can be *anything*, it can be food, hobbies/professions, folklore/mythology. eg: actual taiko drums instead of taiko no tatsujin characters, cute dinosaurs instead of yoshi, cool hedgehogs instead sonic (lol) 2. IF i happen to wanna draw fanart, it's gotta be at least 100 years old (anything before 1924) eg: drawing fanart of John Tenniel's Alice (1865) and not disney Alice (1951), Albert Lynch's Joan of Arc (1903) and not Clone High Joan (2002). ps: im not sure about famous people yet, but i think ill go with the same idea that theyd have to have been dead before 1924.

here's some stuff ive drawn with that in mind, even though i hadnt stablished the challenge yet lol

why a no fanart challenge? well well well, if this isnt another post artist alley eulogy lol

here's some background feelings: after having helped promote 2 japanese food festivals and tabled on both its artist alley's, and knowing myself, and having grown up in the age of comic/book to film adaptations and the rebootprequelsequelmagaddon, it's really hard for me not to fanart, even though i trashtalk hollywood all the time for not taking risks and doing original stuff, lo and behold, i do the same. who am i to judge _anything_ when i watched all three star wars sequels in theaters and crushed on kylux for years, i was kneedeep into hannigram, i gave money to the barbenheimer industrial complex. how can i blame RGG for not letting kiryu go when i _cried legit tears of joy_ when pirate majima was announced? (granted, it's not as bad as the kiryu situation lol but this is about ma$cots, not me lol)

i love a lot of characters, a lot of stories, im always jumping from show to show, game to game, and coming back to them. but i wanna go beyond my love for other people's art and be in love with my own, now that im at a better skill and mental state. it might not resonate as much, specially at the japanese festivals im a part of, but i wanna try. and im gonna start slow, i *am* going to draw japanese food, japanese animals, and create my tiny little scenes and see what comes up. i love stickers with every fiber of my being lol so ill always have in mind that ill draw stuff that i would wanna stick on my own sketchbooks and journals. but i need to do this, at least for 30 days. who knows what will happen later, you know? a friend of mine once said that colored pencils are like sugar, and graphite pencils are like veggies. and i feel like fanart and not-fanart is the same. we love fanart, but it's not healthy to only draw fanart... also i love people who delve into IP OCs and stuff, it always seems a lot of fun. i could try that, but i think ill cut my fanart ties cold turkey and then i can figure something out, i dont know lol i could go back to d&d character sheets lol another side note: i went to film school bc i loved watching movies. i wanted to tell stories, but i had no idea how, and i didnt think i had the talent for drawing. i started studying japanese and bullet journaling, bc i had the urge to draw, and those were the mediums that were close enough to drawing i felt i could try. and then hannibal happened, i had a roommate who was learning to watercolor, and i was like, screw it, let me draw hannigram bc i love them lol ive had the opportunity to make some movies, but logistically and creatively, they never felt as good as having the spark of inspiration, sketching, linearting, painting, printing and selling these tiny ass stickers. there is some control freakness in that, sure lol but there's also a need to build confidence in my own abilities, which sadly i didnt have a space for in movie sets... anyway, ill always mourn not having spent my teens drawing, but im making my kid self proud now <3 also i might post my new stickers at some point, i still havent made a pinned post lol but someday, you know so yeah, if anyone's reading this, ty lol TLDR: if you draw, write, sculpt, whatever, anything, and you tend to do fanart, ask yourself if you're fanarting a bit too much, if there's a way of turning your love for these characters/worlds into something different and more you.

[narryffdreaming]

i hope this does not come off as rude (because i’m coming from a place of curiosity and not judgement so hopefully i am able to phrase it correctly)

is there a reason that you somewhat “hide” your fics? by that i mean not having a masterlist or something in your bio or pinning it or reblogging it a bunch just to “promote” it?

because you are insanely talented and in my absolutely unbiased opinion you deserve so much recognition for it and everyone should read it

hiii you didn't come off as rude, don't worry :) and btw it's extremely nice of you to think that about me hahah

tbh I do have reasons, yes, but they aren't "official" or "serious reasons", yknow? like, it's just something that happened naturally, I don't know.

I am very proud of the things I write, even when they aren't the best they could be, mostly bc I know how much effort and time I put into creating characters and planning their stories. I have fun doing that. So of course a part of me agrees that "everyone should read it" hahaha but in the end, the truth is that I KNOW the stories I write don't include the things that most people want to read nowadays, so I don't think promoting myself will change much. Like, Maisy and Harry had a great reaction, but it's not random... I know why that post has +800 notes but a toast to the future is luckily around 100 🤷🏻‍♀️, and yet I won't change things just to get more people into it.

So, yeah, I think I'm just aware that I'm not a part of the "fanfic community" here, so I genuinely don't mind not having too many notes on my posts or being "recognized". If anyone happens to find my writing and ends up here, I'm more than willing and excited to chat about it and interact and discuss about posting more and etc etc... But I don't feel like """forcing my way""" in, if that makes sense? Idk it's hard to explain hahahaha

(pls I also don't want to come off as rude to other writers so don't get me wrong here. between the lines, in the end all I'm really saying is that > IM < not willing to adapt myself to fit in lol so thats why im okay with things being the way they are)

[lee-minhoe]

✨ content creator year in review ✨

tagged by @alrightyaphroditie @ambivartence @chanrizard love you all <3333 🥺🥺

1. first creation / most recent creation

my very first gifset ever was this one where jaemin freaks out after he realizes he talked about strawberries haha. my most recent set is this one of lee know's eyes :)

2. one of your favorite creations

hmmm honestly, even though they often don't get the most notes (or many at all), my fav creations are actually the ones i make for my moots bc i love seeing them love something made for them 🥺(and seeing them lose it in the tags hahaha) for example, this hyunminsung set; this soft lino set (and the infamous siyuan bias list set i made though i think there have been some new additions in the past month LOL); this changbin set; this tyong set

3. a creation you're really proud of

any of my comp sets!! apple hair lino, glasses lino, bw cap lino, shit lino says, the lino mood sets. i love making them, but they take a while and it's really nice to see the resulting set

4. a creation that took you forever

this lino maniac one took quite a while because i wanted to make all the clips move in sync, sometimes it works on my computer and not my phone so idk if it actually worked lol but had a lot of fun pain making that one

5. the creation that received the most notes

my first linotonin set, i am blown away by it but also maybe not surprised hahaha while we're here i will also plug my linotonin pt 2 and my linotonin in video form lol in case anyone needs a little linotonin in their life rn

6. a creation you think deserves more notes

like kass and sa and siyuan have all already said better, i don't think i necessarily deserve any notes because we're all here screaming about kpop in our little corners of the internet so it's not that deep lol, i'm glad if people like my sets and it brings them joy like it did for me to make them but i make sets because i want to <3 though i certainly appreciate the nice tags that people leave of course

that being said, i am still so shocked that this set received so many notes, like I GET WHY but i truly was just putting some random clips of lino that i liked from that skz talker hahaha. so i guess that just goes to show you, even if you do care about the notes it is hard to predict how many a set is going to get. so i try to remind myself to just enjoy the process :)

7. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it

oh man there were a looot of new groups but the big ones would be skz and txt (it truly does not feel like i joined those fandoms only last year in 2022). also nine.i !! some other groups too like n.flying, xdh, oneus, though i haven't made any sets for those. i also started to learn tbz and mx, and learned ateez and p1h names by osmosis thanks to siyuan lmao so you can thank her for the fact that i have now listed 9 new groups even though the question only asked for one

also!! k-actors!! :D

8. a creation you made that breaks your heart

lino eyes set because they make me melt

9. a "simple" creation that you really love

haha.....this was my pinned post for a while (sorry jaemin)

10. a creation that was inspired by another one

the lino mood sets inspired by this one, this mark set inspired by @tyongsies taeyong set hehe

11. a favorite creation created by someone else

there are literally so many i wouldn't even know where to start!! though i will give a special shoutout to nini's secret santa set for me because it is so amazing

12. favorite content creators for the year

okay here we go: @agibbangs @alrightyaphroditie @ambivartence @changbeens @chanrizard @chanstopher @chenleyah @dearlyminhyung @ggthydrangea @hyunebear @hyunpic @jinniebit @jisungsjaistandjeekies @leemarkies @minchanz @minzbins @ohoshi @potatzu @shorelinnes @snug-gyu @strayklds @tyongsies @yyukhei (this also serves as a tag if you haven't done it and want to, no pressure. otherwise this is just a hi and hug from me, love yall <3

[chloe12801]

Introduction post

Hello! My name is Chloé, I’m in my early twenties, bisexual, and I’m currently going to college for psychology as well as environmental studies. I have a puppy named Ella Stein (after Frankie Stein) and here are some other facts about me:

☀️Sagittarius,🌙Libra,⬆️Cancer (Astrology is fun!)

Fluent in English, know some French (could probably survive a conversation)

Favorite musicians: Lana Del Rey, Miley Cyrus, Rico Nasty, Eminem, Nirvana, and MCR

I consider myself a music enthusiast. I collect physical copies, collectibles, merch, and am always trying to diversify my music taste/knowledge. As a result, we probably enjoy some of the same artists :)

I also collect monster high dolls, crystals/rocks, and pins

I love animals, I want to use my degrees to do something involving them

Favorite video games: GTA (mainly V, haven’t finished IV or played any other), RDR (2, need to buy and play the first one), Fallout 4/NV/76, and the Sims

I’m very much in love with Trevor Philips

I am a proud lover of old men, average Lana stan moment

I love Deadpool and Harley Quinn🥺

I am a creative, I have dabbled in music/art/edits/videos/written work/clothes/upcycling/photography

I am an immersive daydreamer. This means I have deep lore filled daydream universes that go on for years. Ex: I have one with an OC and Trevor that I thought up around 2 years ago. I really should write it down bc it’s essentially fanfiction

I love vintage stuff, particularly 60s-00s

I like girly, grunge, coquette, goth, and rave type fashion. Combining this with vintage and you get my style

I’m really into aesthetics, I’ve been making themed boards on Pinterest and weheartit since middle school

I LOVE horror, the rare times I watch movies they are almost always horror (or cinematic bc I like visuals)

I like visiting cemeteries, I just find them peaceful and nice to remember those who aren’t around anymore

If I’m watching tv shows, I’m usually watching children’s cartoons. My favorites: Regular Show, SpongeBob, Adventure Time, and The Amazing World of Gumball

I’m usually watching YouTube though, mostly stuff with video game or horror themes

I’m shy (probably bc of my GAD) but very friendly and non-judgmental so feel free to talk and interact with me, I have a hard time making the first move sometimes

On top of having GAD, I also have major depressive disorder, OCD (mainly contamination), body dysmorphia, recovering from an ED, and other symptomatic issues stemming from these things like anger issues

I tag all posts I add something to/create with #cafa / #cafaoc

I think this is a pretty solid start to knowing me, of course there’s a lot more to me than this but yeah welcome to my account! :)

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

12, 22, 29, 35, 50 & 69 for the ask game please 💖

KEZ MY DARLING TY 💖💖

12. Do you outline your fics? If yes, how detailed are your outlines? How far do you stray from them?

For my long form fics I do!! I’m currently working on my RivKo mainfic outline (it needs a complete overhaul), and my RToB outline! Happiness will have an outline, and so will the small town horror fic.

I tend to do VERY thorough outlines with pinned moments of symbolism/significance, but I purposefully keep the passages butt ugly and plot-movement dense. That way I can get into writing and just scream through the scenes bc I don’t have to pause and think about laying down tracks for the scene, it’s already there and I don’t have to figure out logic.

I do sometimes tend to stray when I get into it and I feel like a moment needs more fleshing out—for example, in the RivKo long fic there’s a cooking scene between König and arguably the most plot important character outside of him and Rivka, and originally it was supposed to be one third of a chapter. But it became a turning point of the entire plot, so it widened into a whole chapter that’s going to be very long. So I try to stay flexible!!

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process? How do you come up with titles?

My titling process is so random and useless honestly dghhd 😂😂 I generally don’t title until after the fic’s started, but only if the title isn’t what inspires the fic. I try to nail it down early though, bc it doesn’t feel anchored in my head otherwise and for some reason that makes the fic feel like. Less ready to be worked on?? The RivKo mainfic has been renamed four times and currently doesn’t have a title, so it’s sitting backseat while I try to find one that grabs me by the throat. Rising Tides of Blood literally just popped in my head while I was remembering the dream it was based on, and Happiness is a Warm Gun came on shuffle and I went OH YEAH? DGHJF

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

Gsgsh this is actually a really good question bc I’m honestly not sure if I’ve ever sat down and tried to think about it. I like the rhythm of my writing, and how musical it can be, and I also like that I can convey big images or feelings (good bad horrific painful or ecstatic) simply with small words and scenes. It’s taken decades of work, but actually I’m really proud of myself for pouring the energy into my writing and for loving it as much as I do.

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted?

DFHFD as far as CoD goes, I am so CRUSHINGLY pleased with For the Sake of Having You Near. I’m like over the moon with the small details of it, the like complete lack of grandiosity in the dynamic—just the way they’re real people outside of warfare, with lives that are often dull or mundane or unremarkable and small. I want the fic to feel as simultaneously comfortable/stifling as the rectory feels to Price and Prem and I think I’ve been succeeding.

50. How would you describe your writing style?

Big concepts with little words!! Also like. Smth smth an endless grinding mill of processing emotions that society deems ugly? Not sure, it’s been A Day dghd.

69. What are your favorite fics at the moment?

(NICE.)

As far as CoD goes, easily my favorites are anything by the server friends ( @parttimeprophet @alittleposhtoad @dotcie @kastlequill 🥰 ), but outside of the circle I’m very guilty of not reading all that much fic within the fandom 💀💀

GSGHSS ACTUALLY I WENT TO CHECK AND ONE OF MY FAVES UPDATED IM SHITTING GEGSG

EVERYONE GO READ A TASTE OF SAFETY IT FUCKING SLAPS FGHGC

[theharddeck]

I relate very much. All of my friends are in relationships that are headed towards marriage or are engaged/already married. I’m very happy for them and when we’re celebrating them I always have a good time, enjoy myself and I’m happy. But when the event is over I realize how alone I am. And right now I choose to be alone but making the choice to be a solidarity individual can be lonely. Especially for me, who has never been “successful” when it comes to love and relationships.

Jake would definitely be making jokes while also trying his best to help. And it does help a bit. This gorgeous man is being nice to you and obviously trying to keep things on the light side (because it seems like everything with this wedding is going wrong). When the florist cancels and yet another thing goes wrong, he tries to make a joke but his, “Wow, let’s hope you never get married. You’d be a total bridezilla.” is just too much. Because the reason you’ve been putting so much effort in this wedding to make it perfect is that deep down you’re scared that you’ll never be loved enough to get married. So you’ve been trying your best so that your best friend can have her dream wedding, because you’ll never have one of your own. You instantly tear up, lip quivering - whole nine yards - but you don’t let yourself cry in front of him. He instantly regrets it, when he sees the tears lining your eyes and how your body practically deflates as you curl into yourself, trying to make yourself smaller. You walk away, trying to push down the emotions because you need to figure out where you’re going to get enough flowers in the right colors for 5 bridesmaids bouquets and a bridal bouquet in just a few days, and completely ignore Jake as he runs after you spouting apologies.

As for Bob, that night when the wedding is over and you’ve both supervised cleanup to ensure all security deposits are returned, he takes you back to his room to treat you to multiple orgasms and the dirtiest sex you’ve ever had. He turns back into sweet Bob after, pulling all the bobby (ha) pins out of your hair, you help clean each other up in the shower and then cuddle while eating the room service he ordered since you guys barely got to eat all day.

Ah I know EXACTLY that feeling, as you’re winding down and kind of hugging yourself; it’s just the most bittersweet. Happy for your friends and their person, unable to avoid the juxtaposition—I feel that 💙 I feel like the cliche advice that people always give is don’t worry your time will come and I resent that SO much bc I’m like y’all don’t know that?? why and how are you promising something you have NO way of verifying lol. So instead I’ll say it’s hard to chose alone and being strong for yourself is something we never get enough credit for, but I’m proud of you for choosing to be this way, and look after yourself.

Those headcanons are PERFECT!!! Jake is just such a pulling pigtails kinda guy so he wouldn’t know he’d gone too far until you fully left and ugh it’d be so good. Love me some groveling. And post-wedding sex with Bob?? Good lord I’ll be a bridesmaid another dozen times for that 😂

[breathing-inthemoon]

random rant no one asked for

so, basically, yesterday i got this massive urge to do a literature degree. for context, i'm currently majoring in astronomy, i have been for a while, ngl, i'm embarrassed that it's taking me this long, even though i shouldn't be (according to my awesome friends). being an astronomer is my dream. i want to work as one, and i think that's what puts the most pressure on me and why i struggle so much with perfectionism and craving good grades, plus the stem enviroment doesn't help (my upbringing doesn't either). i want to enjoy my life as a student, but i find myself physically unable to do so. for more context, because of the questionable way in which my courses work, i'm only taking finals at the moment. i'm done with all my classes, but i'm not done with the subjects bc of compulsory finals (most uni courses in my country have ways of avoiding taking the final by meeting certain requirements that involve grades and presence in lessons). my point here is that i'm not really going to uni, i only go when i have an exam, which sucks all the joy from seeing my beloved campus. so, the thing is that i actually really enjoy learning. i'm such a nerd and proud of it. and it really pisses me off that i have to be so stressed about it bc of how the system works. this leads to me fantasizing about studying without all that drama. sometimes, i end up reading the material for finals that are not my priority atm, the idea of studying to get a good grade paralyses me. and sometimes that turns into me thinking of doing another degree, completely stress free, just for the sake of it, not giving a fuck about grades, or how long it takes me to finish it.

for the longest time, i wanted to try a math degree after getting my astronomy one, but the thing is, that it is too close to the type of academia i am used to. math also has compulsory finals, plus its still stem and that will not let my brain rest when it comes to expectations, even if i'm doing it for fun, i'd be scared of making a fool of myself during exams.

so yesterday, it hit me: literature. i love reading. i love languages. as i said before, i'm a massive nerd. i think majoring in lit will give me the student life i dream of. i don't plan on doing anything with that degree if i get it. it's just for me. it's the academia equivalent of moving to another city where nobody knows you and start a new life. i would still be doing astronomy, hopefully, that'll be my job. but i'd take courses on the side, maybe one at the time, idk, it'd be chill.

but, there's always a but. right now, i really like the idea.. but i've been here before, with other stuff. other projects i wanted to start and never did or i started and never finished. abandoned hobbies, etc. i like a lot of stuff (see pinned post for reference) but i'm not the most consistent human being. it's not that i lose interest in the things.. it's just, life gets in the way.. especially if it's not a priority. astronomy will always be my priority. and i love it, but it's not the only thing i love.. i just wish i could multitask, but i find again and again that i cannot. i mean, i can barely do one task tbh, but that's a conversation for another day. so basically, rn, i really want to do it, however, i don't have much faith that i will follow through, and that makes me really sad.

[willowistic22]

Cardigan - Belmerttons

Ship: Belmerttons

Genre: Angst if this is how you angst lol

Song: Cardigan - Taylor Swift 

A/N: So I’ve been meaning to get into doing songfics for awhile now and I finally found time to do it yeyyyy. in celebration of Taylor’s newest album I wrote my first songfic to one of  my favorite songs on the album!! It’s always me projecting my inner swiftie lol. give the song a listen it’s sooooo good. Idk how frequent i’ll be writing these songfics but just know i want to dabble in a little bit of songfics so I hope y’all like it! (it’s my first one so critiques are much appreciated!)

Vintage tee, brand new phone

High heels on cobblestones

That night, Buttons was finally brave enough to wear his high heels out in public. The club he went to was full of life. Flashing lights in every corner of the room, music blasting like it’s the end of the world, various looking people dancing to the beat.

Buttons found refuge by the bar to order a drink for himself to sink in his loneliness. Despite the club being packed with people, he doesn’t know anyone.

But that’s where Buttons found him. Leaning his back on the bar top. In a yellow vintage t-shirt that says ‘Santa Cruz, California’ in blue. He dragged his eyes to meet the face. The right amount of freckles sprinkled across his cheeks as it spreads out when he smiles. White teeth gleaming under the light the disco ball provided. Jet black hair going absolutely wild like the scene around them.

God was that stranger attractive. And he might’ve caught Buttons starring.

Dancin’ in your Levi’s

Drunk under a streetlight

He presented himself to Buttons as ‘Elmer’. He was charming and smooth for the most part. Pulled the right strings in Buttons to give him butterflies. But Buttons can tell he might be a little tipsy from the way that he’s slightly swaying for no reason.

One thing led to another and Buttons founds himself walking out of the bar with Elmer. Manhattan’s nightlife is something he’s used to, since he has lived here all his life. But he has someone to share it with now. All of a sudden, the moon seems to shine a little brighter and the stars twinkling undecipherable signals to Buttons.

Buttons laughed at the stupid antics the alcohol made Elmer do. They’ve just met, but Buttons can tell he isn’t the best dancer ever. Elmer swung his body while holding onto the streetlight while trying to sing the lyrics to the very loud song the club provided, with a little stain on his jeans from the liquid he accidentally spilled. It made Buttons erupt into laughter.

They’ve only had one simple conversation but Buttons can tell getting to know this boy is going to be one wild adventure he can’t wait to embark.

Hand under my sweatshirt

Baby, kiss it better

And it was. For two full months, they’ve spent their days together. Elmer made Buttons’ day to day life so much better. Every little thing they did was like a new adventure. Whether it’d be going out for pizza to as little as sneakily putting a hand under his sweatshirt in broad daylight. Maybe it’s too soon to tell but Buttons could almost say it’s love.

Luckily, he hadn’t said it. When Buttons really thought this was all too good to be true, it was.

They’re in each other’s arms, in the middle of Buttons’ apartment. Swaying slowly to soft music they put on to fill in the void. Buttons rests his head slightly into the curve of Elmer’s neck, and Elmer’s sitting on Buttons’ fluffy brown hair.

Previous nights they did this, it was full of life. Now that reality has finally came around the block, they sway in each other’s warmth to the inevitable heartbreak they’d have to go through in the morning.

Chase two girls, lose the one

Elmer isn’t an official New York resident. He lives in Poland with the rest of his family. The kid who’s known to do the right thing only because that’s what his older siblings has been doing their whole life. And the right thing for him is to go with his family’s advice to propose to his long-time lady friend since his 25th birthday is coming up and he hasn’t found a special someone yet.

But he doesn’t love that girl. Not in that way at least. When Buttons found out about the truth, he was in pieces. Sobbing in his bedroom all alone that Elmer had kept that really important information from him.

When you are young, they assume you know nothing

Buttons’ should’ve put his guard up when his heart said it was all too good to be true. Elmer is a gentleman, that part was true. He was out of Buttons’ league. Did everything Buttons could ever ask for when he’s searching for someone to share his love with. But Elmer was never his to keep or lose.

Elmer wanted nothing more than to go back in time and make everything right. From preventing Buttons to sob his heart out from thinking how dumb and naïve he was. And Elmer couldn’t do anything more than just be on the other side of the door, listening to each teardrop Buttons’ received from the devil they’ve created within their made up heaven.

But I knew you

“Why didn’t you told me?” Buttons had asked once he finally picked himself up. He opened the door to see water streaks on Elmer’s cheeks, much like his own.

“I wanted to… I-I swear on my life…” Elmer chocked out, sniffling his stuffy nose. It was hard for him to form a proper sentence with the sobs threatening to escape his lips, “I just… couldn’t find the strength to… accept that I could lose you…”

He really thought he knew who Elmer was. But it turns out he was still the same stranger Buttons met at the club.

What had made the situation even worse, Buttons didn’t have the strength to slam the door at his face. He was to weak to hate him. He couldn’t if he tried. He continued to sob his puffy red eyes out as he embrace Elmer in a hug. Elmer couldn’t stop his own tears from sinking into the sadness.

He let Button’s tears leave a mark on the hoodie he had worn that day. Hoping the marks would stay there forever to remind him the best thing in his whole life he had lost.

Playing hide-and-seek and

Giving me your weekends

And it was unfair for both parties. Elmer found that ‘something’ he’s been searching for his whole life. Giving his all to Buttons.

Elmer gave Buttons a new meaning to simple weekends. Glued to the bed till 11 AM, entangling in each other’s limbs under the covers, skipping breakfast to turn it into heavy lunch dates. Sometimes one ends up dragging the other outside to get some sun. Other times, they stay in with their pyjamas on.

He also reminded Buttons what it’s like to interpret the famous ‘young, wild, and free’ quote. Elmer had ran around Central Park like a child one night. Buttons ended up following his little game of hide and seek after seeing nothing would make him stop. Forgetting their whole point of walking Buttons back to his place after their sixth dinner date.

And it was on that cold and dark night that he finally found out what it meant to stargaze. Buttons had finally caught up to Elmer, fully crashing on his chest when he turned around unexpectedly. Elmer caught him in his arms before gravity did. He held him up with breathless smiles decorating their faces. They were locked in an intense gaze and felt their breath do the same.

Elmer raised a hand to rest it on Buttons’ cheek. If the soft touch didn’t give Buttons goosebumps, the words Elmer whispered after will.

“Ca-can I kiss you?”

Your heartbeat on the High Line

Once in twenty lifetimes

Buttons never even thought their Manhattan adventures could get any better. But it seems that Elmer knows how to make all the black and white colors in life full of color.

Something as small as focusing on Elmer’s heartbeat as he lays his head on his chest while sitting on Buttons’ couch could make him feel this way. Safer than being under the covers at night when 7 year old Buttons had a fear of monsters in the closet. Warmer than the hot chocolates he orders when he goes to Starbucks. Feeling confident that everything in his life has lead up to meeting Elmer.

And when I felt like I was an old cardigan

Under someone’s bed

You put me on and said I was your favorite

For the first time in his life, he found out what being loved really felt like.

It felt like Elmer’s hugs was warmer than winter jackets. It felt like Elmer’s finger that had traced any inch of skin on Buttons was softer than a newborns blanket. It felt like all the bright colors on Time Square’s billboards were nothing compared to what Buttons sees when he kisses Elmer with his eyes shut.

To kiss in cars and downtown bars

Was all we needed

And their love, or whatever it is they have, was each interpreted differently. But it still comes down to how sweet it was.

It was sweet to Buttons for Elmer to be laughing in the middle of their kiss as they head home with a cab after wearing their legs off from roaming around Manhattan. They made sure to give a huge tip to the driver for needing to put up with their honeymoon stage.

“Is he going to be okay after going through that car ride with us?” Buttons asked, still smiling as they make their way into Buttons’ apartment building after exiting the cab.

“I gave him a $20 dollar tip for needing to endure all of that. He’ll be fine!” Elmer replied, to which Buttons countered it with a giggle.

And Elmer thought it was sweet to him when he successfully got Buttons to go to a bar and endure his tipsy antics after his second drink. It’s not that he gets totally hammered, but Elmer does starts to get a little lost after two drinks of scotch.

Buttons had to hold Elmer’s arm the whole way back or else he might trip and fall. It was a sight to behold when Elmer did manage to trip and fall on his own footsteps.

You drew stars around my scars

But now I’m bleeding

“You could still stay”

“You know that’s not possible”

“Then make it possible”

“Buttons—”

“You don’t even wanna go back there”

“I can’t—”

“You lied to me for nearly two months!” Buttons lifted his head from the warmth of Elmer’s shoulder, making the two stop from swaying to the background song, “I’m sure you can make up another lie to tell your family”

It broke Elmer’s heart to hear something like that come out of Buttons. Voice cracking a little from the sob he held back, but the anger still visible. And slowly, he starts to bleed out invisible liquid out of his eyes. It isn’t the conventional blood you’d get from a nasty cut. Because it was worse.

Buttons sobs quietly as he stares up into Elmer’s eyes that’s starting to bleed as well.

Elmer grabs Buttons cheeks with both hands. He wipes away the tear streaks with his thumbs and sniffles out, “I’m sorry. But I can’t”

Steppin’ on the last train

Marked me like a bloodstain

The next day arrive a little too quick. The day Elmer leaves for Poland. It’s a long-shot for him to return because his Manhattan trip alone costed more than an arm and leg.

Buttons isn’t sure how Elmer managed to convinced Buttons to take him to the airport. And now that they’re standing in front of the entrance, Buttons regrets it a little. Because no one should be saying a proper goodbye to the person that broke their heart. No one should be crying over that person exiting their life. Buttons knows better, yet, he can’t help it.

“I gotta go—”

“I know” Buttons cuts him off. No trace of warmth or longing in it. Just plain cold words.

Elmer just stands in front of him, not moving one inch of his muscle other than the ones on his face. His expression changes after getting the message of how hurt Buttons really is. But who is there to blame other than himself.

I knew you

Tried to change the ending

Peter losing Wendy

“Buttons…” Elmer called out with his breath. The crowded airport fades away around them as Elmer drops his hands holding his passport and plane ticket. He looks at the shorter boy, desperately trying to look for the same look he saw in his eyes when they were still having those adventures around the city together. The hope, the adoration, the excitement. Anything that dismisses his coldness Elmer is receiving. 

“I know you’d stay if you can. But you can’t” Buttons replied so Elmer wouldn’t waste his breath on something Buttons already knows.

They stayed quiet for a moment. Buttons looks down to his worn down sneakers to ignore the visible pain behind Elmer’s black misty eyes.

“If I were to ever come back…” Elmer started out with a crack in his voice, “…would you want to see me?”

Buttons furiously wiped an eye with the over-sized jumper he’s wearing and looks up to meet Elmer’s eyes, “I-isn’t there a flight you’re suppose to catch?”

That answers Elmer’s question pretty quick. His heart shattered even more. With a hopeless breath, Elmer turns around with his luggage but stops halfway to face Buttons once more before finally disappearing to the crowd, “Take care, Buttons…”

And when you are young, they assume you know nothing

Buttons should have never opened his heart so easily to the stranger he met in the club. He wouldn’t be in the back of the cab from the airport just to say goodbye to Elmer. The heartbreak he’s enduring is all his own fault. He holds back tears threatening to trickle down his cheeks again.

How could I’ve been so stupid? He thought to himself, looking out the window. The view of the city goes back to being the dull city he’s always lived in. Nothing is exciting about Manhattan anymore. Benjamin Davenport, you deserve this for being such a fucking naive idiot.

But I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss

I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs

Once Buttons shuts his apartment door, he sinks down the floor with the door against his back. He tucks his knees closer to his chest, grabbing it for dear life as he sobs harder than before. The air turns into all sorts of misty with every drop of water rolls down his cheeks.

That same misty air didn’t change for the coming of long and dreadful days ahead of him. Where he now has to spend them without having a partner to conquer the city. The skin Elmer has placed a kiss is somehow screaming for more attention. And his brain constantly rewinds the ‘what-if’ Elmer had asked before he left for his flight.

If I were to ever come back would you want to see me?

Oh, God, what if he really will come back? What would Buttons do?

The smell of smoke would hang around this long

Days turns to weeks. Weeks turns to a full month. Every possession Buttons owns that Elmer has touched haunts him till this day. It’s unfortunate to Buttons because he let Elmer touch every aspect in his life.

But there’s this part in Buttons that tells him to hold on. Hold on to that huge hoodie Elmer had let him use at night when it got too cold. In this one particular night, Buttons let’s the weeping sky decide whether he’s going to listen or not.

He let’s his weakness gets the best of him and grabs the gray hoodie from his closet, slipping it on in one swift move. Buttons hasn’t washed it since the day Elmer left it there. Buttons takes in the smell as he drops his weight back on his couch again. Sweet and fruity. He even picked up a little scent of Scotch from the soft interior. There were more he sort of picked up, but couldn’t pinpoint what it was. But that’s the smell of Elmer.

‘Cause I knew everything when I was young

I knew I’d curse you for the longest time

Chasin’ shadows in the grocery line

The feeling of longing is still there. And that ‘what-if’ was still looming in the back of his mind.

Buttons hates him. He hates Elmer for bringing in hope when he knows it’s going to be ripped away from his hands sooner or later. He hates Elmer for showing him a world only the two of them can see. Buttons hates the cruel act of receiving so many things from him like they’d be something special, only for Elmer to retract it all.

But secretly, he wishes Elmer really would come back. Part of him wants to call him up and check on him. But another part of him wishes for Buttons to get over that guy. It took so much time to get to where Buttons is at right now. Sure, there’s still that sorrow feeling in his stomach but he let’s the sky sob for him ever since he stopped his eyes from doing so.

Elmer had made up his mind to leave. So Buttons should just drop it. There’s no point in trying to chase someone who isn’t waiting to be caught. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to. The coldness of his living room makes him miss Elmer’s warm hugs. But he stays strong because he knows that ‘what-if’ is only a dream.

Or so he thought…

I knew you’d miss me once the thrill expired

And you’d be standin’ in my front porch light

And I knew you’d come back to me

A faint knocking on the door brought Buttons back to his apartment from his mind concentrating on the sound of the rain. He cocks his head towards the sound, a little surprise upon hearing it since he isn’t expecting anyone to come.

He reluctantly gets up from the comfort of his couch, dragging his feet across the cold hardwood floor. He opens the door to reveal a figure all too familiar.

Buttons’ eyes widen up to the same eyes he fell in love with. He froze in place to see the presence of the tall boy with the same wild hair he wore on the first night they met.

“I…” Elmer started out, shifting his hands out of the pocket of his jacket to reach out. But he retracts his hand mid action, figuring out it might be inappropriate to do it now.

The air between them shifted. A mixture of everything they’re feeling all at once as they hover between Buttons’ apartment and the gloomy hallway. They speak through their frozen posture, saying everything and nothing all at once without a verbal word being exchanged until Elmer broke the silence first.

“I hope you can forgive me”

[valmorcel]

About my fic: Just Kiss Her.

Want to take Tumblr as the blog thing it is so i´m expanding a little about the huntlow fanfic i wrote a while ago called Just Kiss Her. If you haven't read it feel free to check it out here:

So, I wrote this one before Any Sport in a Sport aired. And it was not about the grimwalker thing at the beginning, it was, ironically, Willow discovering Hunter was the Golden Guard, because I thought Hunter will go like a spy in the emperor's coven. Anyway, that wasn't the principal point; the fic is full of headcanons and the most important is how Willow and Hunter first kiss could go.

The first ever idea was they starting as a date, still not dating, were Hunter would take Willow to a special place in the Boiling Isles, this after The Day of Unity with Belos already defeated.

The scene of the kiss was calmer even if Hunter still fliches away, the situation was quickly resolved by our protagonists, but i didn't like the way i was making the situation too blushy for both of them. Don't get me wrong. I love loser behaviour in Huntlow, still i wasn't fully convinced of the interactions and i was lacking of more canon information to keep writing, also i wanted to add Willow perspective of Hunter and what i was doing was feeling a little forced by my shipping mind, so i abandoned the fic.

Then ASiaS happened, then Labyrinth Runners happened, Then King's Tide and everything else happened. I had a clear idea how Willow and Hunter could function together and i loved it, so i changed a tone of stuff of the original fic keeping three principal ideas:

The pinning.

Break Point.

A confession.

I loved to make them have two different point of view about love and how they worked their feelings for each other in this fic. Mostly of the first chapter of Hunter's perspective is written by the time of the very first draft, so I think you can notice some of their behaviours are out of character, but tbh there's nothing i would change about it. I loved the little rosegold i put in there, I loved how oblivious and silly Hunter was bc i knew that boy would be very happy in the Human Realm (something to mention, i used to have a hc that Hunter would not want to return to the boiling isles for fear, but that's another story). I loved to make them talk, because, they talk a lot in the fic. I think Hunter and Willow talk a lot behind the scenes (lol) The thing with penstagram, the "this is what happens when you get lost for a week". Hunter and Willow talk a lot and/or spent a lot of time together and no one is changing my mind.

Grimwalker narrative between huntlow is very important for me, and i think we should expect a lot with this confrontation in the last episodes of the series. I'm not lying when i say i cried writing Hunter vulnerability in here, and the strong desire of Willow to protect those she loves. I loved to write Willow in this fic because sometimes we only focus in the most obvious signals of crushing (and yes, i include myself since i scream everytime Hunter blushes). Willow subtles signs of love and caring are such a nice concept to explore, and I would never had thought something like that in the first drafts, so i am happy i left those ideas and wrote this instead.

This is probably the work i am more proud of in terms of charaterization, i was so happy with the results that i even did a little piece of art of the Hunter and Amity talk about feeling and love, lmao. I loved the rosegold in the fic too. Amity is a great support character even in fics. Actually, i am so satisfied how all the hesquad interacted in here to help the losers.

The art in question:

If you have already read it, let me know any opinion about it! I'm currently into a Vinira void with toh fanfics, but i promise to post some huntlow scenarios soon <3

PS: forget the typos, idk if i have, but i probably do.

[captain-shippard]

So bc I slept like a crazy yesterday I can’t sleep yay.

Time to continue Neo TWEWY !

I in fact finished second week so here is my review for now (I am currently doing past chapter to get my friendship points and also rank up my pins) a little recap of my adventures from the end of this week.

I was not really surprised about the Motoi twist. I may have gotten spoiled by my Noise report (yes I actually do read it) and noticed a vacancy waiting to happen :)

Number 73 just after the Purehearts, I am wondering who could that be ?

No surprise about him being an asshole either seeing as how everyone on his team were one too. The fact that An0ther was just a reposter is actually what made me angry ? He is really a shity person. Which is why I felt nothing when he got erased :)

I also called the fact that Ruinbringers were Reapers and kinda feel proud of myself despite that it was really telegraphed.

Like I’m Beat in this image lol

Tsugumi’s transformation into a Noise was surprising though as Susukichi never get a full form but she was very very pretty

Sadly it’s kinda hard to pause for a good shot :/

One of the prettiest Noise out there.

I also dunno why I got surprised about the leader of the Ruinbringers being Shiba but I sincerely was ! I kinda was waiting for a mysterious new guy to appear for a fight

Of course it was Shiba

Shoka’s betrayal made no sense in a scenaristic point to me. While I was genuinely shocked I could not understand why she did it if not to go back with the Reaper afterwards. I mean she was with the Twisters for a day ? If it was made in order to give a reason why they knew Rindo’s power, I think a spy Noise attached to her clothes would��ve been as good. We got some dramatic gay moments out of this though which is a plus

Although I got the feeling that they’ll be trying to add some straight bullet points to my gay agenda

I may need a better insight on her personality and past to maybe make sense of this.

Now to the plat de résistance ! (In my next post)

[silverlightqueen]

final part - love of my life 

(can be read as a standalone fic)

daisies

←previous

next→

a/n: and daisies is finished🎉 (I might do an epilogue part but idk) I had to post this today bc it’s my baby’s birthday tomorrow🥳 I am honestly so proud of daisies, like it’s literally my baby🥺 but I really hope you guys have enjoyed this amazing journey (bc I really have), thank you all for your support and I love y’all so much💕 and now, it’s time for y/n’s happy ending...

warnings: smut (nothing too hardcore but still), tooth-rottingly sweet fluff, Jimin being a romantic and cute ass mf, y/n finally getting her happy ending (I shed a few tears ngl)

silverlightqueen masterlist

taglist💕: @khaoticamour @rjsmochii @minniestudies @oodlespadoodle @shay-the-turtle @yasbts705 @goldenchemistry @arvbellas @anothershorthuman @golden-pixie-dust-200 @onlinewhale @maknaeroni @sweetchocolategoblin @conslack @missbowkimjinju @pocketfullofsuga @booklover240 @dimple-jungkook @squishyshit @sakurauchiha2018 @keylowmonie @untainted-memories @babybluebisexual @dearbangtan07 @joyful-jimin @glossdust @mayumioutloud @needyvmin @the-real96 @brinnalaine @lovebuginlove @smolchild95 @miraisnotavailable @eilowyneleyne @kiddrauhlfeels @silverlightprincess

‘Mrs Park!’ I hear Jimin call from the door of our room, and I smile to myself. ‘I’m in the bathroom!’ I call back, and mere seconds later, I watch in the mirror as he pops his head around the corner, huge smile across his face. 

He looks so breathtakingly handsome today, dirty blond hair swept back all princelike, his eyes sparkling, plump lips stretched into a wide smile, skin smooth and glowy (and his suit has done absolute wonders for his beautiful body).

‘Hey, Mr Park,’ I say with a grin, and he steps in, leaving the door open only slightly. The playlist Jimin made for me last night plays in the bedroom, full of love songs, including the ones we wrote for each other.  ‘Hey, wife,’ he says and I laugh as he puts his arms around me from behind, looking at me in the mirror.

‘I can’t believe we’re married,’ he whispers, and I smile. ‘It sounds weird, right? Like, what? I’m married? To Park Jimin?’ I say, and he chuckles, turning me around in his arms. ‘More like I’m married to you. We all know who really runs this relationship,’ he jokes, and I laugh. ‘Did you enjoy our big day?’ he asks, and I nod, looking up at him.

It was amazing. We had all our close friends and family there and everyone was just so happy. The day went without a single hitch, even with my ten trillion outfit changes, and I enjoyed it so much that my face hurts from smiling.

It was also nice seeing everyone else so loved up; Lisa and JK, and Chae and Tae mainly. Jen and Joon, and Jisoo and Jin haven’t made it official yet, but that’s okay. It’s not like there’s any rush. Sana and her family were there, and we had her daughters, Mina and y/n, as our flower girls.

All of Bighit’s managers were there too, and it was nice to see them all relaxed for once instead of running around and telling us what to do. We non-stop danced all night, people gradually leaving from 10pm onwards, until it was just us lot and we decided to call it a night at 1am.

‘It was beautiful, Chim, just perfect. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. What about you?’ I ask, and he grins. ‘If you’re happy, I’m happy,’ he says, and I roll my eyes. ‘Cheesy, much?’ I ask, and he laughs. ‘I’m married now, which means I gotta start with the cheesiness, and the dad jokes,’ he says, and my eyes widen.

‘What? I’m not even pregnant yet!’ I exclaim, and he laughs, before smirking. ‘Wanna change that?’ he says, and I laugh as he begins pulling the pins out of my hair. ‘Don’t tell me you’re being serious,’ I say as my hair falls around my shoulders, and he shrugs. ‘Maybe. I don’t know. Obviously, I don’t want you to rush into anything you don’t feel like you’re ready for, but if you told me tomorrow that you were pregnant, I’d be over the moon,’ he says, and my mouth drops open.

‘Wait, really?’ I ask, and he nods. ‘I’m definitely ready to have kids. But it’s your decision, daisy. I don’t wanna rush you,’ he says, and I shake my head. ‘No, you’re not, don’t worry about that. I just… I don’t know. I guess… I guess I’ve been ready for a while. I just didn’t think you were,’ I say, and he gasps.

‘Wow, thanks. Am I that immature?’ he jokes, and I laugh. ‘Not like that. As in… you’re still a young man. I thought, you know, that you’d still want to live your life. I didn’t think you wanted to start a family just yet,’ I say to him, and he shakes his head.

‘y/n, listen. I can still live my life with a kid. It’s not like we’ll just become recluses. Our kid will only make our lives better, not worse. And I know that with our… careers, it’ll be hard to juggle a kid and work, but I also know that we can do it. I understand that a child is a big responsibility, but we’d be fantastic parents. I mean, look how we were with Mina. And we’ve got ten others who will be desperate to look after our kid too,’ he says.

‘Not that I’d let some of them,’ I say, and he laughs. ‘Don’t say some of them when you just mean Jen and Kook,’ he says, and I burst out laughing. ‘But seriously, y/n. I’m ready for kids whenever you want them. I know we can do this, daisy. We can do anything together,’ he says, and I feel a little ball of excitement start to grow in my chest.

‘Are we really about to do this?’ I ask, smiling widely. ‘What? Have sex without a condom?’ he says, and I groan, resting my chest on his head. ‘Chim,’ I whine, and he laughs. ‘Sorry,’ he says, the word vibrating in his chest. ‘You just had to wreck it,’ I say, voice muffled against his chest.

‘Did I lie, though?’ he asks, and I move back and look up at him. ‘No, but that’s not the point. I didn’t mean have unprotected sex. I meant, start trying for a kid,’ I say, and he grins. ‘Well, you should’ve just said that,’ he says, and I roll my eyes. ‘Yes, y/n. We really are about to do this,’ he says, and I smile.

He pulls me into his arms smoothly, and my eyes slide shut as my head tilts back in anticipation, the feeling of his lips landing on mine never getting old. His hands press into the curve of my back, pulling me closer to him, and I snake my arms around his neck, feeling the short soft hairs at the nape of his neck against my skin.

He pulls away from me after a few moments, lifting me up without warning. I let out a gentle shriek as he chuckles, carrying me (bridal style – because, you know… I’m his bride) into the bedroom. He carefully puts me down onto the bed, crawling over me only moments later, and reattaching his lips to mine.

Our arms wrapped around each other, mouths moving in sync, we’re wrapped up in our own bubble, feeling like nothing could get better than this. Until I start feeling a bit hot and sweaty in my wedding dress, Jimin lying on top of me becoming slightly stifling.

‘Babe,’ I say, trying to pull away from him, but he presses his lips to mine again, humming against my mouth in response. ‘I need… I need to take my dress off,’ I say, and the second I’ve finished speaking, he rolls off me with a sleazy smirk.

‘Urgh, you douche,’ I say, getting off the bed, and he laughs, watching as I walk around to his side of the bed. ‘Unzip me,’ I whisper, moving my hair off my shoulder. He puts one hand on my shoulder blade, the other appearing at the zip beneath the nape of my neck.

He slowly pulls it down the length of my back until it ends, just between the dimples at the bottom of my back. His hands slide beneath the material of the dress and continue to slide over my shoulders, pushing the dress of with them, leaving my top half completely bare.

I hear his breath hitch in his throat and smile to myself, still satisfied at my ability to get his heart racing. I push the dress down to my ankles and stand in just my white lace pants, my back to him. His hands snake around my waist and pull me down onto him, and I squeal as I fall.

He laughs into my ear, hands covering my bare breasts, before his mouth meets mine. ‘Nuh-uh, you need to strip off now,’ I say, and he chuckles. ‘Very romantic,’ he says as I roll off him, pulling the covers onto myself. He climbs out of the bed, pulling his socks off first, coaxing giggles from me when he throws them across the room as though they’re underwear.

‘Come help me then,’ he says, and I pout. ‘I’m cold,’ I say, and he sighs, shrugging off his blazer and tossing it to me. I grin, pulling it on so it covers my breasts, and crawl to the other side of the bed, getting up onto my knees so I’m on eye-level with him.

I begin to unbutton his white shirt, the music gently playing in the background, and then push it off his shoulders, leaving him topless. I let my hands run over the ridges of his abs and biceps, still astounded at how well he keeps in shape, all of him (except for his cheeks and ass) being hard muscle.

He stands proud, letting me admire him with a smirk on his face, the smirk dropping when my nails gently scrape his lower stomach, dangerously close to the hem of his trousers. His hand wraps around my wrist and his other hand pushes my head up to look at him.

‘Don’t tease, daisy,’ he says warningly, and I bite my lip with a grin, proud at how dark and dilated his eyes have become, full of lust, desire and love. I unbutton his trousers hastily, not wanting to get in trouble again, and push them down his strong thighs, watching unwaveringly as he steps out of them, leaving him in just his boxers.

There’s something about him today; I don’t know what it is but I’ve literally wanted him all day. Yes, he’s always gorgeous and sexy and amazing, but seeing him today, I’ve been feeling it building up throughout the day. Maybe it’s seeing him so happy to be marrying me, or seeing the love in his eyes every time he looks at me, but something has made me ready to do this since I first saw him this morning.

Don’t read past here if you aren’t comfortable with smut!

‘Okay, as you can probably see, I’m really hard right now because I can’t stop thinking about how you’re my wife and how we’re about to try to make a baby, so I don’t need foreplay at all. Do you?’ he asks, and I sneak a look at the bulge in his boxers, which is now less of a bulge and more of a… line, his dick obviously rock hard.

Yes, the thought of his fingers, or mouth, between my legs is enticing, but the thought of something else between my legs makes my knees weak. ‘No, no, I’m ready,’ I say, wrapping my arms around him and pressing my lips to his. ‘Nope,’ he says, pulling away from me, ‘get this off.’ He tugs his blazer off me, eyes instantly trawling across my bare body, before groaning.

‘How? How did I get this lucky?’ he whispers, pushing me down onto the bed and crawling on top of me. ‘Those idols were nasty to me at MMA and you thought I ignored you,’ I whisper back, and he bursts out laughing. ‘Stop making me laugh, we’re about to have sex,’ he says, and I grin, pressing my lips to his.

He kisses me for a few moments before pulling away. ‘Okay, I need you. Like, right now,’ he says, reaching out to turn the big light off, leaving us in the mellow glow of the bedside lamp. He pushes himself up onto his knees and hooks his fingers onto the waistband of my pants, pulling them down my legs slowly, maintaining eye contact with me to make sure I’m okay.

He throws the pants over his shoulder, leaving me completely naked, but doesn’t even spare a glance between my legs, just reattaching his lips to mine. I roll us over and push myself up onto my knees, pulling down his black boxers and throwing them to join my pants. Before they even land on the floor, he’s pulled me back down onto him and rolled us over, so he hovers over me.

‘Are you ready?’ he asks, voice raspy with desire. ‘Yes, Jimin,’ I breathe out, hazy with lust. ‘Are you sure you want this?’ he asks, eyes locked with mine, and I nod. ‘Words, daisy, I need words,’ he says. ‘Yes, Jimin, I want this. I want your baby,’ I say, and he groans. ‘Fuck, I could cum just from hearing that,’ he says, and I laugh, wrapping my legs around his waist.

Slowly, without looking away from my eyes, he guides himself into me. The feeling is different without a condom between us, and I can feel every part of him, every vein and ridge and curve. He keeps his eyes on mine, watching for any sign of pain or discomfort like he always does, slowly pushing until he’s all the way in. He gives me a few moments to adjust to the new, foreign feeling, just kissing me in the meantime.

‘Fuck, daisy, stop clenching, please, I’m dying here,’ he says, and I laugh against his mouth. ‘Sorry, it just feels so different,’ I say. ‘It feels different for you? It feels like my dick’s fucking trapped in a warm, skin-tight glove,’ he says, and I burst out laughing. ‘Stop laughing because it’s making you clench,’ he complains, sounding out-of-breath. ‘Sorry, sorry,’ I say, trying to relax myself.

‘Okay, you can move,’ I say, and he raises an eyebrow. ‘Are you sure?’ he asks, and I nod, ‘I’m sure.’ He pulls out of me halfway before pushing back in, coaxing a gentle whimper from between my lips. He continues at a painfully slow pace, the pleasure building with each thrust, until I’m moving to meet his thrusts.

‘Babe, stop moving. You’re supposed to let me do the work,’ he breathes out, and I stop. ‘Faster, then,’ I whisper, and he grins, his pace increasing gradually until his hips rapidly snap up to meet mine and my heels are digging into his back. Promise Pt. II plays gently in the background, each beautifully sung line punctuated with gentle whimpers, groans, moans and grunts from the both of us.

Instead of fucking me like he normally does, he’s making love to me, thrusts long and lingering and deep, our love for each other evident in every single movement, and it makes my head spin with pleasure.

‘God, babe, you feel so good, I don’t think I can last,’ he says, hand travelling down between our bodies to rub against my bundle of nerves to get me close too, a wave of bliss hitting me. ‘Ah, Jimin,’ I breathe out, head pressed back against the pillows as he continues to go at a mind-numbing pace, his thumb moving furiously fast too.

‘Fuck, daisy, I’m gonna…’ he trails off, pace beginning to falter and thrusts becoming longer and harder. ‘Please, Jimin, I want it, I want your baby,’ I moan, my mind still working enough to know what to say to get him there, and it works.

He buries his head into my neck the way he always does, deeply inhaling my scent as I dig my heels harder into his back, keeping him in place. He lets out a moan of my name as I clench, feeling him release inside me, continuing to thrust until he’s finished. ‘Fuck,’ he breathes out, panting as he slows to a stop, still inside me, though I feel him softening now.

‘I can’t believe I came before you,’ he says, and I smirk up at him, still out of breath, the knot that was tightening in my stomach disappearing, my rapidly approaching high now rapidly diminishing. ‘Get that smirk off your face, that’s the first time it’s happened, and only because we didn’t do any foreplay,’ he says, and I smile. ‘I know, babe, it’s okay,’ I say softly, and he smiles, pressing his lips gently to mine.

He moves to pull out but I stop him, digging my ankles in again. He raises an eyebrow, giving me a puzzled look, and I shake my head. ‘Not yet, just wait a bit,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘I was gonna like… I don’t know, get you there. Don’t you want my fingers, or mouth?’ he grins, knowing I would never normally say no, and I roll my eyes.

‘Yes, but it’s okay,’ I say, and he shakes his head, frowning. ‘It’s not. I can’t just cum and not get you off as well. How is that fair? I swear it’s like feminism or something?’ he says, and I look at him deadpan.

‘Okay, first of all, it has nothing to do with feminism. Second, I don’t need to get off. I just wanted you to feel good and to have your baby,’ I say, and his eyes flutter shut at the mention of having his baby. ‘Stop saying that or I’ll get hard again,’ he says, and I laugh.

‘No, but seriously, daisy. I want you to feel good too,’ he says. ‘I did feel good. I do feel good. I don’t need to cum, babe, it’s fine. Only 25% of women orgasm during sex anyway,’ I say, and he shakes his head. ‘Liar, it’s 25% from intercourse. I swear it’s only like 10% that don’t orgasm at all. But anyway, that’s not the point. No wife of mine is not gonna orgasm from having sex with me. Please, daisy, let me make you feel good,’ he says, and I shake my head, my heart melting at the pout that appears on his face.

‘Okay, how about this? You stay in me for a while, just to make sure I definitely get pregnant, and then afterwards, you can do whatever you want. Make me feel good to your heart’s desire,’ I say, and he grins. ‘Okay, there’s absolutely no science behind you getting pregnant because I stayed in you for longer, but whatever makes you happy,’ he says, and I smile.

He presses his lips to mine again, and we spend the rest of the night wrapped in a warm, hazy bubble of love and happiness. He holds me in his arms for hours (both before and after making me feel good lol) and we talk all night, both of us saying, ‘I can’t believe we’re married,’ more times than I can keep track of, the fact that I’m married to him hitting me several times throughout the night. Married to him, and about to be pregnant with his child. Married to the love of my life, Park Jimin. Who’d have thought? 

[ificanthaveu]

ROMANCE REVIEW

ok so here’s me hyping up Camila for longer than anyone asked for but this album...is just so good and when she said visual I’m like yeah ok but... I SAW so many things and so many lyrics/songs reminded me of things that have happened to me and I’m like, you know what? time to overshare

TRACK 1 SHAMELESS: ok so obviously I’ve listened to this before like a million times, but when I first heard it, I was very much like... I don’t like it. and then I listened to it again and I’m like haha nevermind I was wrong (i do this all the time don’t @ me I know I suck) the way she says “shameless” with that rasp? screaming her lungs out? yeah, bitch, I feel that. I hear that. and just the whole vibe of YEAH I feel this way and WHAT ABOUT IT.

favorite lyrics: “Now that you have me, do you want me still?” “I’m tired of loving somebody that’s not mine”

TRACK 2 LIVING PROOF: Every performance of this...makes me love it more and more. The choir singing hallelujah...gave me the VISUALS bc ya girl grew up Catholic, and I couldn’t help but imagine that Easter day where everyone is praising and saying hallelujah and it’s just such a pure JOY. and with the God references and “being sent to save me” just getting major church vibes. AND her high notes in the chorus...we stan a queen with TALENT. I love how she references hands a few times because I just love when you can communicate something just through touch. I think that is truly the deepest form of knowing someone. 

favorite lyrics: “Tell me something, but say it with your hands, slow” “Show your demons, and I might show you mine, one at a time”

TRACK 3 SHOULD’VE SAID IT: ok now I’m just going to sit here with my jaw dropped open because SIS said what we’ve been saying for SO LONG. The theme of “change” is so strong in this, and I just love how she portrays it. And her talking about the songs not sounding the same...she’s literally like yeah I get you wrote songs about me, but have you heard of imessage? a phone? But this is the kind of song that I want to scream at the top of my lungs and dance to in my living room, but, alas, I cannot relate. I can’t get one person to love me, how tf would I get 2? And the way she says “so sorry” like she...is not sorry. and I LOVE IT and it just really drives the point across, like, I’ve moved on, you didn’t say anything. 

favorite lyrics: “baby, he fell from grace, landed right in your place” “I wish you could turn back time, and hold me closer, instead of your pride” (OUCH BABY YES SING IT)

TRACK 4 MY OH MY: catch me shakin my ass to this till I die. I just love the FEEL of this. and her YELLING “I swear on my life that I’ve been a good girl” and the “Tonight I don’t wanna be her” like yes bitch let her be BAD for a night baby you GO GIRL. Listen, I will never get sick of the falling for a bad boy narrative. Sign me the fuck up, every damn time. Like, yeah? I’ve been good, time to be bad bitch. and her LAUGHS during the rap. I love her wow. The chorus is just so CATCHY. It’s just sooo bad boy narrative, my parents don’t like him, not being a good girl for the night, and again, always a hoe for that. ALWAYS.

favorite lyrics: “I said, if he kissed me, I might let it happen” “She know I’m a call away, she can drop a pin and I’d come meet her” 

TRACK 5 SENORITA: I’ve talked about this 5 million times, but I’m a proud mom so here we go again! The fact that they collabed again, was enough to fuel me for years, bc my prime was during IKWYDLS. What a good era. This song makes me feel DAMN SEXY. I want every song to make me feel this way. every time they say “oh la la” just send me to my grave. and shawn’s “call” during the chorus...speechless still. I love a good friends to lovers (in song and IRL we love that for them). I just love the aspect of yeah it’s hard to leave you but every time we touch just reminds me that this is all worth it. AGAIN with the TOUCH being just the most intimate way of knowing someone. 

favorite lyrics: “her body fit right in my hands” “you say we’re just friends, but friends don’t know the taste” “cause you know it’s been a long time coming, don’t you let me fall” 

TRACK 6 LIAR: this bb was my fave when it came out with shameless. I LOVE the whole theme of I said one thing but now you’re changing my mind and making me seem like a liar. I also love the trumpets. I love a good trumpet in a song if it’s used well. AND with the whole, yeah I’m a liar, and what about it? I like clapping along to the bridge in the car. and then fuckin dancing to the chorus. peep me screaming this in my car all the gah damn time. also, the lying to yourself? the worst kind. and this song just being the RECOGNIZATION of yeah... I am lying to myself. you KNOW? like that “oh fuck” feeling, like you’ve been denying it and denying it and denying it and finally you’re just like...oh shit. and then you just fuckin GO FOR IT because you realize it now and now we’re making up for lost time. and then the final “cause my clothes are on the floor” jaw DROP first time hearing that like yes baby. and I usually skip instrumentals at the end of songs bc I usually think they’re stupid and pointless ope but THIS is the only one I don’t skip because it’s too damn catchy

favorite lyrics: “I don't care, it's been too long, It's kinda like we didn't happen” “but what if you kiss me, and what if I like it?” 

TRACK 7 BAD KIND OF BUTTERFLIES: my heart hurts, honestly. like in that first chorus where she’s like you’re going to hate me after you find this out. just BREAKS me. it’s just very stuck between a rock and a hard place. she wasn’t going to win this fight. it was going to hurt no matter what she decided. she was going to hurt someone she cared about no matter what she chose. the way she says “tonight” with that note run yes baby yes. and like living proof, I love the high note chorus. and the way she says “the bad kind of butterflies like when you have something to hide” like I FELT that shit. those kinds of butterflies are the freaking WORST when you just know you have to tell someone about something because it’s just eating you alive. her voice just perfectly portrays the feeling this song encapsulates. 

favorite lyrics: “don’t look at me while I’m breaking” “I understand if you hate me” “I know I said we were friends and when I said that, I meant it, somewhere between now and then it became more than just a friendship”

TRACK 8 EASY: out of her songs that came out before the album was released, this was my favorite. just...i get so speechless and I have no words, it’s just so beautiful. like having someone who loves you, who sees your flaws, and doesn’t freaking care. like that first verse is like “yeah we both know I got flaws but you love me anyway.” and the whole thing of really, really knowing someone and really, really loving them is just so damn heartwarming. and feeling hard to love? yeah, Camila, I GET THAT. someone find me a man who feels this way about me. and just having someone...who loves you...until you can love yourself... I want one. and again with the TOUCHING, I see a theme here baby and I’ll talk more on that later. that bridge just freaking hits me and when she sang this on SNL I could just SEE how much this song meant to her and she looked so content singing it. 

favorite lyrics: “You tell me that you'd rather fight than spend a single peaceful night with somebody else” “tell me with your hands that you’re never leaving” “All I know is you saved me and you know it” 

TRACK 9 FEEL IT TWICE: this...hurt me. because this is my worst fear. like having someone fall for you, and you don’t feel it, and then suddenly to be in love with them and for them to be like I’m sorry but I don’t feel that way anymore. and I just love that this one is a lot less of “you fucked up” like should’ve said it and more like “I hate that things had to happen this way and I don’t want to hurt you but I can’t do anything else.” it’s heart-wrenching. and just WISHING that this wasn’t the case, but it’s just how it is. because that’s how love works. you can’t force it if it isn’t there anymore or was never there at all. and keeping the distance because there’s nothing else you can do and it’s the only option because there’s just this tension no matter what you do. because it’s there no matter what. and the PARALLEL of “how can I be your friend when I know the way you taste” and “but friends don’t know the way you taste” in senorita makes me think that she was writing this song while she was writing senorita and that’s why she added it in later. but pertaining to my life... I don’t relate because I feel everything like 8 million times and I catch feelings for anyone who looks at me and I go back and forth on crushes all the time (there are like 5 coming to my head rn wow I am the worst).

favorite lyrics: “Oh, I'm scared if I look in your eyes, I might see your soul, I know love is the loneliest place when you fall alone” “Sitting by the phone, holding onto hope” “I can feel you still staring at me when I look away” “I don't know what's worse, getting broken or making it break” (it’s hard to pick favorites for this one WHOOPS) 

TRACK 10 DREAM OF YOU: I like the music in this one a LOT. I feel this shit in my SOUL. and “he’s a right answer” reminded me of the most recent episode of The Good Place (iykyk). also, I don’t know WHY but I love the line with “a confessed sinner” bc, again, ya girl grew up Catholic. he got that post confession GLOW. that “I just got everything off my chest, and I feel GREAT.” and this one, with all she’s doing all day, is dreaming of him, yeah I am a hardcore daydreamer. so that’s me hello. and the transition of “I dream of you” to “I dream with you”...take my heart and throw it at a wall. the DESPERATION in “please say you dream of me too” like PLEASE tell me this is mutual because you literally take up all my time so please tell me you feel the same way. 

favorite lyrics: “And you squeeze my hands two times, three times” “I was not living, I was just writing about it” (this is me a lot and I feel attacked)

TRACK 11 CRY FOR ME: this high key reminds me of “Dead” by Madison Beer. but anyways. it’s so SASSY and I LOVE IT. I just love the feeling of someone moving on first, and then the other person moving on, and then the first person being like oh shit what you moved on what. like just wanting someone to HURT because what the FUCK? like why do you gotta do this bro? and just the yeah I know I shouldn't feel this way but fuck it. and I love that just lie to me. like you know what, tell me you miss me, so I can feel good about this. and the screaming in “HOW CAN YOU BE OK” like BITCH I’m HURTING so CRY PLEASE

favorite lyrics: “You said that, in this lifetime, you could never get over me? Are you over me?” “see her lips erasing me” 

TRACK 12 THIS LOVE: this is one of my favorites. I love how it’s soft? but also, not soft at all. like FUCK this love. the building walls just to watch them fall? like yes, sis I just wrote a poem about this a few months ago bc it is me. like that person, you built walls up before and they just keep knocking them down. and then you regret it, every time and build them up again (s/o to my shit middle school friend yike) and just the feeling of getting pulled in this cycle over and over again. you can just HEAR the desperation in her voice in parts of this and I love when you can hear that. I also like the use of “maybe” like this love is fucking hell but maybe don’t let me go just yet but on the other hand, maybe you should. AND ending with the “here I go again” just yeah stab me in the heart. 

favorite lyrics: “Waiting for you just in case one day it doesn’t hurt” “get out of my veins” “If you need your space, then just walk away”

TRACK 13 USED TO THIS: pull out your tissues ladies. I was most excited about this one, and she PULLED THROUGH and lived up to my expectations. I’m always a sucker for the whole vibe of “I hated this place but now I have this special memory there and now I love it.” the transformation from hate to love in so many ways. to find a person who does that, it just doesn’t happen a lot. now time to unnecessarily connect it to my life but not really because ladies and gents, I fell for my best friend. he was the most amazing guy ever. and he was my best friend and suddenly it was like...oh fuck. and the line about whispering his name differently and can’t you hear it? just reminded me of him right away. because of that FEELING of seeing them and knowing you have these feelings and being like...can you hear the change in my voice? (he didn’t btw. that was sad. this song will be “what could've been” for me. lol. bye). and the “feeling” with that touching again HELLO. and the drink clinks in the background love that. friends to lovers? yeah, sign me the fuck up. and I love the use of “definitely” like that hesitation of yeah it’s going to take me a sec but I’m DEFINITELY getting used to this. 

favorite lyrics: “No, I never liked San Francisco, never thought it was nothing special till you kissed me there” “It's the strangest feeling, midnight, I'm not leaving, no, for once, I think I'll stay" “I say your name, just listen, doesn't it sound different? Never whispered it this way” “And the calluses on your fingers, I admire them from a distance, now they're on my cheek” “oh, I've known you forever, now I know you better” “let’s get carried away” (i should’ve just copied and pasted the whole song I’m in love)

TRACK 14 FIRST MAN: ok. I know I said grab your tissues. but here’s where you really need them. when I say I sobbed, I freaking MEAN IT. like I was getting ready for school this morning at 6 am while listening to the album and it was only me and my dad awake and this just hit me so hard. I’m super close with my dad, so I really really feel this. Once the song was done, I went and found him and I was still crying and he’s like WHATS WRONG and I gave him a hug and I tried to explain what it was about and he’s like yeah no won’t listen to it. going to cry. then I texted him later and he listened and you bet my father cried as hard as I did. he literally said he was in the bathroom trying to compose himself (spoiler, my scary dad is soft af but don’t tell anyone and expose him. literally the other night i said i probably cry every day and he said yeah me too). it’s so soft, and just, yes this is happening, but that doesn’t mean I’m cutting you out of my life. like this man is everything you ever wanted for me, and I know this is damn hard, but it’s going to be worth it. and the transition of spending all the time with family to spending time with this man you want a future with. and like y’all know that breaks a parent’s heart but at the same time, it’s all they want for you. and the progression of just being with that guy and then to the wedding day. and the part where he says she’ll always be his little girl. ugh, this whole song is my dad and I love it and hate it because the amount of tears I’ve cried today is unhealthy. and in general, I just love how soft this is and you can just hear the love in her voice. I’m crying again hi. s/o to the good dads out there, and if you don’t have one, you can share mine. I genuinely cannot listen to this song without crying, yet I’ve listened to it like 6 times today. this song means so much to me and I honestly want it to be my father-daughter dance at my wedding,

favorite lyrics: “And I found someone I really like, maybe for the first time” “You held me so tight, now someone else can, but you were the first man that really loved me” “Now you're driving to the airport, not just me you pick up anymore” “You're looking at me while walking down the aisle, with tears in your eyes, maybe he deserves me, You don't even know how much it means to me now”

FINAL THOUGHTS 1) I AM SO HAPPY WITH THE WHOLE ALBUM. I love all of these songs so much, and they’re all so VISUAL just like she said they were going to be. I love when you can see a song. That is just so damn powerful.

2) THE THEME OF TOUCHING. guys, I am O B S E S S E D with this. like I said before, I think it is such a RARE form of intimacy and love for someone when you can communicate something with a touch. Like that hand on the shoulder or on your back or knee or whatever. but just KNOWING what they’re saying. I love how she addressed it multiple times and you see it weaved into so many songs of that touch communication.

3) I saw this on twitter, and I think it was part of an official review or something. But the journey of “hey I’m falling in love and here are the trials and tribulations of it” and then ending with “I can feel this way because you taught me” is just...so amazing and powerful. 

COME TELL ME YOUR OPINIONS, THOUGHTS, THEORIES LETS CHAT ABOUT IT I LOVE TALKING ABOUT THIS

[rqs902]

.

ok this is the rest of my ep 2 reactions lol

im just grateful it looks like a lot of the comments are understanding of lin mo’s comment about giving up. when i heard lin ran say he’s 27 i was like wait what. ok by international age he’s 26 but still its jarring to hear. the way he acts just makes me forget how old he is and how much he must be really struggling inside to face his family with each passing year. 

im grateful akey got his rap solo aired and sad that zhan yu didn’t get more attention despite his somewhat popularity. and im devastated that the judges didnt see jin fan and lin mo’s worth. im grateful that cheng xiao saved him. why are initial auditions always so emotional for mr tyger oh gosh. im scared for jin fan but trying to calm myself with the knowledge that he doesnt get eliminated somehow, i just have to keep watching to find out. overall, not the entrance i was hoping for them. they didnt get an intro video or any background footage either :( but at least i dont have to hold my breath because we’ve seen that they dont get eliminated... 

ahhh im so happy kou cong and shen bohuai are getting appreciation!!!!! oh mannn that just makes me think of how kou cong’s tarzan team got so slighted (UGH YE ZIMING) (UGH YIXING KNOWS IT TOO, PICKING KOU CONG TO SAVE -- and cui shaopeng ;_; he knows these kids were slighted on qcyn....) and also bohuai’s smile team (JIN FANNNNN) aka the best buddy team dynamic awww and ooo yan an did chinese dance / oh rip it says hes already gone 

LOL to li zaixi(?) explaining the happenings to lin mo like the child is so confused and doesn’t know whats going on LOL 

actually i recognize guo zhen from mrzz now that i think about it a bit more... oof the part where li chenxu cries about replacing his older brother friend... and then OOOF he got saved but i can totally see hyb is projecting himself onto this kid LOL

but i never realized cto was so silly LOL im looking out for xue en and zhan shiwei but yang zixin seems like a fun guy. Also side note, is it ok that shen bohuai is literally just sitting on someones lap and doesnt have his own chair/??? lol is there some mistake going on here?? so confused why is this okay LOL

OKAY WHATTT NOT ZHAN YU!!!!!!!! wait huang junrong seems nice too whatttt gjm literally has it out for the vocalists lol aww he got savedddd

LOL JIN FAN... goes through so many emotions, ends with “how about i go home... and open a boba shop” LOL I literally was like thinking, if he brings up his ducks now..... HHAHAHAHA aww zhan yu asking if he wants to go bungee jumping and jin fan’s like how about something less intense like a carousel.... my best bros....

ALDSKJLAKSJDLKAS AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH / OK IM GONNA CUT THIS INTO A SEPARATE POST BC MY RANTING AND SCREAMING GOT VERY EMOTIONAL AND LONG / 

tldr im so proud of the tygers!!!!!!!!! they really worked hard and can be proud of how well they demonstrated their talent. I am so happy for them!!!! they are finally being recognized and they deserve it. especially bc zhan yu got some recognition from qcyn so we know he deserves it!! but also jin fan DIDNT so im so so grateful he has this opportunity to really show the audience more of what he can do, bc he definitely definitely has so much talent to show too!!!! oof seeing zhan yu helping put on jin fan’s pin.... the best bros......

also I liked the hong weihao and wang linkai group so im looking forward to seeing them more too. also huang enyu and chen junhao stood out to me too

LOL i just hear the “whoaaa” and recognize the tygers’ voices LOL

i guess the dorms are at least an improvement for lin ran compared to produce camp HAHAHHAHAHAHHA im sure theyre not very sound proof tho, esp since theres not actual doors... LOL

lol zhan yu freaking out in front of the mirror and jin fan doing an app ad ahhhhhh im just happy theyre here and are even getting a few seconds of screen time ahhhhhhhhhh and akey being a brat HAHAHHA lin mo grinning at kou cong’s mission aww AND DISSING HIM HAHAHAH and im excited to see him and lin ran’s friendship!

rip zuo qibo getting the spotlight time despite getting eliminated.................. he has the worst luck on survival shows :(