#also like. its weird to call it trauma bc it wasnt horrifying but i think it really did shape me as the person i am today n its just. fucke

[chestnutheadkyungsoo]

you ever just think abt your childhood and go holy shit that was more fucked up than i thought

[paradoxspaces]

actually here are more 3 am meat feelings

my prevailing thought about meat, which will probably sustain throughout candy and probably the rest of this week if not my life, is that john egbert died and none of his friends (beyond terezi) know about it. none of them know. he fucking died and his last words were a love confession to a girl who he doesnt even really know. john egbert died. he is probably not coming back and, even if there was a ‘’chance’’, he has been summarily dismissed from the narrative. 

john egbert died trying to be a hero even after we were told he wasnt special and he is dead!! he died and he didnt get to reconnect with the betas or the alphas even, didnt really work through any of his depression. he fucked terezi (suRe?) and tried to tell her loved her and fucking died. i am, literally, never going to be over it. 

hgshss aside from that i actually liked the ending more than I thought? The middle was extremely touch and go for me--there were moments I liked and then something would happen that I’d get upset about and the cycle continued-- but I thought the last few chapters were interesting and genuinely enjoyable. basically i love kanaya maryam so fucking much and i was so glad to see her be herself again ashjsj i lovE her.

Seeing the characters get motivated to work together and stop Dirk was a surprisingly optimistic conclusion for an ending that was clearly obsessed with misery. I didn’t expect that kind of ‘call to action’ that occurred, but I was glad to see it. Despite that and despite the post-scripts, I don’t think theres going to be anything after this. Alt-Calliopes last words in meat made it seem, to me, that any kind of additional work was to fall into the reader’s hands, in fanwork or w/e. or, at least, I supremely doubt hussie will be involved in anything going forward. there are still things left open, and new questions wrt dirk and the bots and the new session, but I feel like this was all meant to stir up investment in hs as a property, as a place to think about and create work for and pay attention to (and buy friendsims), but not as a piece of ongoing media. we have been compelled to think about homestuck for a while longer, but I’m not sure we will be reading new content again--or at least not for a while. (maybe candy will change my mind, though? so many ppl seem SO sure that there will be more and I dont know why besides wishful thinking)

not even sure if id really want more, unless it was like a 10 chap sequence about a secret middle route where john doesnt die, vrisrezi 4 real, and a normal dirk receives therapy and like chains ultidirk to the ocean floor or something. all the betas hang out regularly, but specifically rose and jade have one fucking conversation at least. 

(actually the concept of a like theatre of coolty-esque all-dirk showdown is. good. ultidirk/teen dirk/hal/brain ghost try to out-monologue each other and then fight) 

(actually actually jake kills ultidirk with his bare fucking hands to get some retribution for the bullshit that happened to him)

obviously obviously obviously I still have big issues with stuff. i hate that jakes main character trait is being sexualised and manipulated and the narrative still just makes him out to be the fucking dumbest shallowest idiot. why cant jake get like.....any depth at all....why cant there be an acknowledgment of how fully traumatized he must be at this point?? also i cant get behind johnrezi, tbh, tho i think theyre written well. beyond my full devotion to scourge sisters, they didn’t even talk that much, and most of their convo was tz dictating her plan to john to get the love of her live back. it isnt like they hung out all that often???? before that, their most notable interaction was when terezi tricked john into dying for a joke. why is john obsessed with these two girls he barely spoke to, who are both in love with other people?? (might be worth thinking about further) i dont like that 99% of the time roxys transness was brought up only to have someone near by be a fucking dick about it. Jane: become fascist is still really bizarre to me. i still think some of the HEAVY focus on meta commentary is a bit of a drag. 

overall i think this whole ‘exploration of the ugly bad awful shit’ was certainly that. we got meat, we got high plot/action/drama. bad things happened and everyone was miserable and disconnected and awful to each other. narrative relevance through trauma/pain/violence. I really thought it was going to end with some kind of tpk, so this kind of vaguely optimistic pseudo-cliffhanger was better than I really expected it to be. I’m holding off on like sweeping estimations until after candy, but I still am not sure what the point of having everything be THIS open ended is if not for a sequel and im not sure what the focus on ‘releasing narrative responsibility from the singular author/interpretation’ is doing if not directly precluding a sequel. so idk. onto candy, i guess. we’ll see how this all goes. 

(I hate ultidirk as much as the next girl ESPECIALLY for what he did to kan and for being just like....the worst during johns death but like. im dumb im dumb and bad and part of me wants dirk redemption in some form, ideally in another splinter obvi. i was extremely horrified and resistant to big villain dirk but after reading his later thoughts i get it more than I thought I would and its all very interesting. I also, like a lot of others, am entertained by the image of him cavorting around like a sailor moon villain or something) 

(i don’t love the weird convo that was kind of trying to excuse/react to the Incest Commentary Drama and I would have paid to have it removed but w/e)

(ALSO THE FUCKING ‘COSMIC LOVE’ VRISREZI BIT I. I !!?! TEREZI LOVES VRISKA SO MUCH. SHE LOVES HER S MUCH GUYS. SHE LOOKED FOR HER FOR FUCKING YEARS IN HER POV AND ALMOST DIED BC SHE DIDN’T WANT TO GIVE UP HDSHA LET THESE GIRLS KISS IM SO FUCKING SAD. 

HOMESTUCK IS ABOUT VRISREZI RIGHTS ONLY. I ONLY CARE ABOUT TWO GIRLS AND HOW MUCH THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. GOD IM IN HELL GOD GOD GOD THEYRE IN LOVE!!!!! )