#also like side note. i watched this movie like 5 years ago for the first time and liked it but didnt love it

[phantasymistart]

p&p 2005 screencap study

[theoutsiderscomfort]

It was Two-Bit’s birthday 3 days ago and I missed it because I had Covid and wasn’t on social media much so to make up for the fact that I missed it

Two-Bit Headcanon Time!

The poll I posted a few weeks ago, Dally came first but slowly pushes Dally to the side for now. He will get his chance

These headcanons are mainly based on the book and movie adaptation.

He doesn’t own any other shirts except for his Mickey Mouse ones.

He has at least one in each color

They are probably stolen but what hasn’t he stolen before

Talking about his stealing, He probably has stolen stuff for his sister like toys or candy

I don’t remember her having a canon age but in my mind she is youngish. Between 5-10

He has definitely gotten makeovers from his sister and had tea parties

He forgets one time to wipe the make up off before going to hang with the gang

They all look at him confused before someone asks “trying out a new look, Two-Bit?”

He simply replies “Yeah. Do I look like a pretty princess?” And bats his eyes before he just starts laughing his butt off

He doesn’t take it off after it was pointed out and wears it for the rest of the day just because he thinks it’s funny

He probably has ADD/ADHD

Mickey Mouse is a hyper fixation that he has had for years

He may be 18 but he will sit there and watch Mickey Mouse for days. Give him some beer and cake? Even better. He will last a week in front of that tv

He doesn’t really care that it’s seen as childish

If this guy ever got the chance to go to Disneyland, he would be the happiest guy on the earth. He would be in heaven the whole time he is there

He would stare at Mickey as soon as he sees him. He would run to meet him despite being an adult. He doesn’t care if people think he is weird. It’s Mickey fricking Mouse.

Time for some angsty headcanons.

He wasn’t able to make jokes for weeks after they lost Dally and Johnny.

He tried but they weren’t really helping and it was hard staying positive

After finding out that Johnny died and seeing Dally die, he went home and cried.

He would’ve tried to not cry in front of the gang because he was meant to be the funny one

He also checked on his sister to be sure she was okay as soon as he got home

Okay no more angst because I’m making myself sad thinking about it

I need to end this on a positive note so uh

Has face planted into a cake while drunk before

I just thought of that one on the spot lmao

[polarisbibliotheque]

Survivor's Blood (Leon x Reader) - Chapter 6

Survivor's Blood

Pairing: Leon x Reader

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 (you are here!)

Summary: After Raccoon City, Leon became the only Government agent with that kind of expertise. With relentless training, he was now a Special Agent - again, on his first day in the job. He just didn’t expect to live Raccoon City all over again… Maybe Leon was fated to always have the worst first-days-at-work ever.

Age Restriction: 18+. It’s horror, so expect a lot of graphic violence and blood dripping from this. I mean,��VERY GRAPHICAL VIOLENCE. Nothing we haven’t seen on RE, but still. Yee been warned

TRIGGER WARNING: Leon has a slight panic attack on this one, right at the end. Proceed with caution.

Author's Notes: Wow. I just looked at the last post, Chapter 5, I posted LITERALLY one year ago, on June 26. I swear I didn't plan this, life's crazy! Craziness aside, this time we have a slight smaller chapter because I wanted to end it with Leon having a small panic attack from his PTSD the poor guy. I recently watched REC, the Spanish found footage horror movie, and OH GODS, it's AMAZING. LOVED it. Took a little to find the one with original Spanish audio, but totally worth it - if there ever was a Resident Evil movie following the games, it had to be like REC; hence why I came back to writing if after such a long time. Also, I'm now watching the RE4 Remake as a movie - I'm a little sad I don't know any streamers I like in English who have played the game, so I'm watching with no commentary, as I did with RE4 looooong ago 'cause I was too scared of chainsaw man. Maybe I'll get to finish this story soon!

Chapter 6

Hospital Arklay Hill, April 29th, 2001 – 22h13

Leon stared at his watch – glancing at the clock on the wall, you understood why his eyes seemed so restless: on his schedule, you had to be at the school in less than ten minutes.

And that would never happen.

“Is it ok if we run a little late?” You quietly asked him, avoiding the ears of the other survivors. Neither of you wanted them to get desperate.

“Yeah, I planned it with a few minutes for us to breathe in case something went wrong.” Even so, his sigh showed Leon wasn’t too happy with that.

You almost smiled. Such a perfectionist. You could easily see how high his standards were for himself – and how much he wanted to achieve them.

“Well, I’m counting Lickers as something going wrong.” Your answer made him huff a quick smile. “Seriously, those things are awful. What was Umbrella thinking…?”

“They weren’t thinking. Period.” Leon’s words were dry and filled with a bitterness that made you stare back at him. As he checked the shotgun’s ammo for the last time, there was something sharp in his eyes – only Leon knew how everything that happened in Raccoon City affected his life. “Ready to go, partner?”

“Oh, yeah, choco chip.” You had a not so happy smile on your lips as your words dripped sarcasm. Leon couldn’t stop himself from chuckling.

“C’mon, we’re getting out of this. You’ll never have to think about it again.”

You sincerely hoped his words to be true.

*

“When we open this door, no one comes out. I’m gonna check the corridor and when I tell y/n it’s all ok, you can get out. Understood?”

All survivors agreed with their heads – even if you didn’t agree much on Leon going out on his own, seeing you basically saved his life, killing a Licker point blank.

You would do it again if you had to.

Leon silently opened the door, leaving the shotgun hanging on his back. You had no idea why he didn’t have it ready on his hands, but you weren’t a trained agent like him. He didn’t fully close the door so it wouldn’t click and you held it on place – your head almost glued to the wood, trying to hear any kind of noise going on the other side.

“What if he dies out there…?” Valerie’s whisper was almost as silent as a needle dropping on the floor – but those words were as deadly as a nuclear bomb.

Up until that moment, you hadn’t stopped to think about that – and, to be fair, you hadn’t had the chance to think. Everything was chaos and the only thing you were supposed to do was keep going, keep moving to survive that hellish night. But Valerie’s words had reason: what would you all do if Leon, the only one trained and seasoned enough to get through it, died right then and there? What would you do if a Licker shredded him to pieces and decided to wait for you all to come out so you would have the same fate?

If Leon didn’t survive, you probably wouldn’t survive – it was simple as that. But something else hurt in that thought… Yes, you had just met him, but not having him around seemed… Empty. Unfair.

He couldn’t die. Leon wouldn’t die. You would make sure of that – after all, you had fearlessly killed a Licker in the heat of the moment to make sure Leon would keep walking by your side. And you would get out of that damned city together, that was the only certainty you allowed in your heart.

Not wanting to make any noise, you held Valerie’s hand, lightly reassuring the woman everything was going to be alright. She turned her eyes to you, taking a deep breath upon seeing you so calm and sure – still trying to hear whatever was going on outside.

In that situation, though, a few seconds dragged themselves like a whole eternity. You were probably holding your breath, you weren’t really paying attention to that at the moment, when you heard a light scratching on the door.

“Clear.” Leon’s voice was but a murmur, one only you could hear, but it was enough.

You signaled the other survivors to leave the room: the man in the lab coat went first, followed by a father and his teenage son, an elderly woman and finally Valerie. You kept your gun ready in your hands, leaving the room with the door open – if one of those creatures tried to follow from the depths of the corridor, the door could perhaps distract it.

Leon signaled you to take the lead, keeping the shotgun locked and loaded as the scared group followed you towards the door – wincing as soon as they saw the Licker, covering their mouths so they wouldn’t scream in horror. Valerie aided the elderly woman while the lab coat man only rolled his eyes. The father, helped his son walk straight, as the boy was wearing hospital clothes. Leon watched everything carefully at the back of the group – also making sure he was listening carefully.

He had seen survivor’s groups like those – he had talked to Jill and Carlos about their many missions, he had conversations with Chris about his S.T.A.R.S assignments, and he had heard a story or two from Claire. Lab coat man obviously thought everyone was a hinderance, so Leon would keep a sharp eye on him as well: those kinds of people wouldn’t flinch at the chance of sacrificing someone else to save their own skin.

And even if Leon despised those types, he would save that guys’ ass because of his own set of moral values – not because the guy was actually worth something.

As soon as you reached the dead Licker on the floor, you raised your right hand so the group came to a halt – making Leon smirk in the process. You were proving to be quite a surprise and, if he was going to be honest, a very welcome one.

Quietly kicking the Licker aside, you forced the door open one more time – using your stealthier skills as to not make any noise at it. Holding the gun with one hand, you looked back at Leon and, as he nodded, you nodded back, pushing the rest of the door and holding it open with one of your feet, immediately pointing the gun at the corridor you had first seen that horrid creature.

You quickly pointed at one side, then at the other – checking it twice just to make sure. It was empty, quiet, like a forgotten tomb reeking of blood and decay. You furrowed your brows as something immediately came to your mind: what if there were other survivor’s hidden at the hospital who weren’t as lucky as those with you to have an old radio and ask for help? They would be left there to die – and you were right there.

You didn’t have time to search the place with Leon, though. Even if you wanted to, your heart desperately screaming you should delve in deeper and help those who couldn’t help themselves, you couldn’t. You had to save those you were able to save. You had to turn around and never look back.

Shaking your head quickly, you held the door open so the group could continue forward. Leon noticed something was wrong – as you stared at a bloodstain on the floor with an empty yet uncomfortable expression. He had to tap you on the shoulder so you would snap out of it, looking back into his grayish sea eyes, and finding them with a question inside.

You could almost hear him saying ‘are you ok?’ – which seemed to be something you would ask each other infinitely that night.

You nodded back, quietly closing the door and taking the lead once again. You made sure to guide the group through the safest patches of floor – those that weren’t slippery with blood or that weren’t filled with broken things that when stepped on could make a horrible noise. Keeping that pace, you would reach the door in no time.

As the group kept going, Leon’s steps got slower. Something crept from the bowels of the Hospital to cling into his heart; something wasn’t right. He kept walking slowly, trying to figure out that feeling at the base of his stomach – but you were almost there. By crossing the sterile white doors, you would get to the waiting room, then the main hall, and then out.

Leon halted completely when he heard something. Looking back at you and the survivor’s group, it seemed like he was the only one who had heard it. Leon immediately turned his head to the other end of the corridor – covered in complete darkness, looking like an endless descent into hell itself.

The noise came with a gentle gust of cold wind, sounding like a faint breath from something inhuman. As if the Hospital itself was breathing – slowly, ominously… Hungrily. Leon could swear he heard very distant groans and things being knocked out of their place, echoing through the halls and corridors, to almost fail at reaching his ears.

But if there was something he learned at the RPD that fateful night, that would be listening. He survived through carefully hearing and identifying how to choose a slightly safer path that night.

As you reached the white double door, you looked back to check on Leon – only to find him standing at a certain distance from the group, gripping the shotgun with both hands in front of his body, looking back inside the Hospital.

You almost let out an audible sigh. There was no way you could know what he was thinking without speaking to him, but watching Leon looking back made your heart stir with a violent desire of going even deeper into that hell to search for other survivors. There was no way a place as big as that would have only five people alive – and you couldn’t even imagine how harrowing it would be to survive only to be left to die in there, unable to save yourself.

“Leon…?” You risked a murmur, barely noticing how the other survivors watched you both with expectation – and uneasiness. “Leon…!”

As you slightly raised your voice, Leon seemed to snap out of it and look back at you. The worry in his grayish sea eyes was different than the one that resided in yours – making him wonder even more what in the hell was haunting you since you got out from that room. You signaled the double door with your head and he agreed, quickly – but quietly – regrouping.

That alleviated a little bit of the tension on the group – and, as you carefully opened the white door, they had no fear because Leon was on the back giving you cover. Just like before, you stepped in the waiting room first, checking every corner with your gun before holding the door open for the other survivors to come through.

The father told his son not to look at the dead bodies you and Leon had shot before. Valerie did her best to help the elderly woman to cross the path without falling. Lab coat man kept rolling his eyes and fidgeting, almost pushing the father and the son out of his way to reach the exit first – being blocked by you as soon as you reached the milky glass door.

“C’mon. Let’s get out of this fucking place already.”

“You wanna go first and risk being eaten by one of those things? Be my guest.” You waved at the door, staring at him without a single drop of patience left in your body. Leon had already been rude with the man before, so you took the chance to do that too. No one would tell you off if you did so – in a matter of fact, you were probably saying what everyone wanted to say. “Things aren’t much better out there than in here, you know.”

The man looked like he had just eaten a full slice of lemon and was tasting the consequences. If you weren’t in that situation, Leon would’ve probably laughed.

As the milky glass door jammed once more, you looked back at Leon only to see him nodding: you could go to the other room, he would cover you and protect the survivors. Pointing the gun in the air once more, you squeezed through, ready to shoot anything that might have come in during your stay in the Hospital.

And once more, Leon looked back – to the double white doors you had just left behind. Did he hear a… Stomp?

His heart trembled inside his chest. Suddenly, it seemed like the entire Hospital didn’t have enough air for him to breathe. Leon furrowed his brows as his heartbeat got faster. It couldn’t be. That Tyrant, at least that’s what he was told that thing was called, couldn’t be back. He had killed it, blown it into oblivion with a missile launcher – Leon watched as the only thing that was left from that Tyrant were its legs; tearing it in half being the only way to make it stop following Leon around.

For years after he left Raccoon Leon kept dreaming about that. Constant nightmares with that Tyrant following him, sucker punching him every time they met and Leon wasn’t quick enough to run away. It felt like his whole body was broken, but he couldn’t stop running, could he? Even if his bones turned into mush, Leon had to keep running – or he would have never left Raccoon City.

Even now, there were some nights Leon woke up with the sound of those steps viciously approaching him in his nightmares – only to have him open his eyes on his bed, sweating like a pig, barely being able to breathe. He could’ve escaped and killed the creature, but he couldn’t escape meeting it in his dreams when his mind was particularly unstable.

And he could swear he was hearing those stomps, right there in that Hospital, echoing like a ghost coming back from his past to haunt him in the present.

“Leon…?” It was Valerie’s voice that tired to pull him out this time. She carefully tried to touch one of his arms, knowing very well it wasn’t the smartest of choices, given the fact he was holding a gun. But Leon closed his eyes, trying to take deep breaths – Valerie was used to seeing panic attacks and that was the beginning of one. And her rescuer having a panic attack was definitely not a good thing. “Leon. You need to come back.” Her voice was almost inaudible, but she was close enough for him to listen. Placing her whole palm on his arm, she started to gently rub his skin, trying to anchor him back into the present. “Listen to me. It’s ok. We need you here, Leon. Please.”

Those words made him open his eyes again, looking back into Valerie’s eyes. The woman had nothing but reassurance, even in that godforsaken situation – clearly a seasoned nurse who was used to taking care of people… And people like him.

Leon took another deep breath, watching her smile in the process, finally noticing her touch on his arm. With another breath, his heart started beating a little calmer and it seemed like the stomping had stopped. Leon looked back at the white doors again, but nothing could be heard. He closed his eyes once more, taking another breath, and looking back at Valerie right after.

“Thank you. We need to go now.” With those words, he nodded at the jammed door – Leon and Valerie were the only ones left, with you helping the elderly lady squeeze through without getting hurt. Valerie smiled back, immediately going to the door to help you and cross to the other side.

Leon risked one last look to the double door, only to hear nothing. Whatever it was, it would be shut in the bowels of that Hospital forever – and he couldn’t be happier with that.

**

To be continued...

[bumbledi]

♡ The road to parenthood ♡

Pairing: time skip! Ushijima Wakatoshi x fem!reader

Genre: fluff

Summary: Your relationship with Wakatoshi through the years and the beginning of a new chapter in it.

Warning: pregnancy (?)

Note: hey! This is my first time writing a haikyuu fic. Also, English is not my first language so hopefully this turned out good. I hope you like it and I would like to read your thoughts :) also, there might be a pt. 2? Idk

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3

Read the sequel “The road of parenthood”:

Part 1

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

Ever since you met Ushijima Wakatoshi in high school you knew he was going to be someone special in your life.

You actually met him by a friend in common, Tendo.

When he found out that you played for the “Shiratorizawa Female volleyball club” after being partners on a protect, he stuck by your side ever since. And it didn’t take him long to introduce you to his incredibly handsome and straightforward friend.

Of course you thought that he was stoic at first, everybody does... But Tendo knew exactly what he was doing.

Your friendly and outgoing personality made it easier for you two to be friends and eventually a couple.

Wakatoshi actually has a very tender personality, of course it took time for you to bond and trust each other but you eventually did and stared dating almos at the end of your second year of high school.

You knew he was a complete volleyball head so yo tried to take him out of his comfort zone the more you could. Going out in dates, taking the train to the city and go to watch a movie, sneaking to his dorm to make out and something a little bit more lewd in your last year of high school, you know, horny teenagers...

♡ ♡

Even tough the first year after you graduated wasn’t easy, you manage to stay together and continue developing your relationship. You moved together, adopted a cat together, traveled together, got engaged and married.

But now, you two are getting ready for a different level challenge, you are expecting your first child together. After talking about it a lot, discussing if you could provide a child without a problem, which you could easily, you both tested your fertility and once you got a green flag, you started trying for a baby.

Ushijima definitely aimed correctly because one month later you got a positive result!

You remember perfectly... it was a Tuesday, your period was 5 days late and you just couldn’t deal with the anticipation, so you took a pregnancy test and as expected, POSITIVE. You cried your eyes out right there, sitting on the edge of the ofuro, so excited to tell Wakatoshi. You also took another test, just to make sure it wasn’t a false positive, spoiler... it wasn’t.

After taking some pictures of the tests, you got your car keys and drove to the closest mall in your area, you got to a baby shop and picked up a little beige onesie with elephants on it, along with a tiny hat.

While you were at the mall, you also got a little gift box and some groceries for you both... You drove back home and prepared the little surprise, the onesie and hat, along with the tests you took and a little Vabo-chan plushie, Wakatoshi gave you a while ago. You left the box on the kitchen counter and continued your day, waiting for your husband’s arrival.

Once he got home from practice that day, you played as cool as posible so he couldn’t figure it out.

“Remember that cool store we saw on downtown the other day?” you asked you husband once he was done changing into more comfortable clothes.

“The one with the cool decor? Yeah...”

“I went there and got something cool after I was done with the groceries! It’s in the white box, over there”

He spotted the box and grabbed it in his hands. You stopped what you were doing and looked at him without even blinking.

He opened the box and after he took a little moment to process, he took the onesie in his hand and looked at you with expecting eyes.

“Are you for real?” You nodded with a smile on your face “Oh my god, (Y/N)...” he walked towards you and embarrassed you in his arms “thank you...”

“We’re going to have a baby” You sobbed in his arm “everyone is gonna lose it” you both laughed...

♡ ♡

You decided to wait past the first trimester for you to tell your friends and family, only to make sure baby was fine and healthy.

You told your mom and sister first, they were over the moon with the news. Then you told Wakatoshi’s parents, even tho his mom is super serious she was extremely happy and greatul for a grand child and you told his dad via face time, he was almost crying with the news.

You told your friends after that, starting with Satori, who was in town visiting from Paris, perfect timing huh?

He screamed and hugged you both, in complete joy for having a niece. And yes, he was sure you’ll be having a little girl.

If you see the big picture, all this was thanks to the old guess monster, he literally matched you up.

You also told your best friend, Akemi, which literally cried of joy. Finally you told the rest of your closest friends. And you shared a little post on a Instagram sharing the news with the world, short to say, everyone went nuts.

Soon enough you house was full with presents from friends, family and a bunch of brands.

You work as a publicly manager for the volleyball association and the company was kind enough to let you work both from home and attending the office.

So you would spend some days at home in company of yours and Wakatoshi’s cat, Mochi.

The first trimester was tough... You were super tired and sleepy which made work difficult and you were picky with the food but at least you weren’t feeling nauseous and throwing up.

But when you were having cravings your husband was ready to satisfied them.

He will arrive home with your favorite foods and dessert and was ready to pamper you all you wanted.

So for the las couple of months you two were super busy debating if you should move to a proper house or if you should stay in your current apartment. You ended up agreeing on staying in the apartments and later in move to a house of your own. So when you decided to stay in your apartment we started preparing baby’s room little by little.

♡ ♡

You were currently starting your 5th month and Wakatoshi has been touchier than ever, not only with the belly but he says he finds you more gorgeous than ever with the pregnancy glow manifesting.

“Mmh...” you growled once again while Wakatoshi tried to hold your belly in the middle of the night “stop it.” You said while taking his hand off of you.

And it didn’t took long until he did it again

“Wakatoshi...” You squirm away from him but he just wouldn’t give up.

And that was for the time when you didn’t want to be all touchy and all... Horny pregnancy season was soon to arrive.

This was only the first phase of the adventure, huh?

[ayelbee]

MORE THAN LOVE | K. MBAPPÉ | 1

next chapter |

Summary: Sometimes even love is not enough for relationships. But it's fine because you are over it. But getting again in a contact with his younger brother wasn't smart.

TW: slightly coursing , just my really bad writing skills in english so probably even english grammar

Notes: Hey, this is the first time I'm publishing something in english so I'm really sorry for any mistakes I made (english is not my first language), and if you wanna correct me, please do so! I will be glad. Also, i would want to make a series from this, so let me know if i should or if it's really that bad!:)Let me know what are you thinking abou this

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You let out an exhausted breath the moment you stepped into your apartment. Leaving your luggage on the floor you dragged your body to the living room. You felt more than happy when you ended up on your couch. You have been up since five in the morning, the lack of sleep was clearly visible on you. You were more than happy to be back.

Spending Christmas back at home was great, but there were reasons why you moved to a different country, thousands of kilometers far away from your home town 5 years ago. Some people would call it youthful imprudence, you called it a step that needed to be taken. Since that you have been living your best life, at least most of the time.

You took your phone to text your mum that you had made it to your apartment safely. But when you unlocked it the date in the middle of your screen made you frown.

29th of December

Being in a rush since morning you didn't even have a moment to think about anything else than catching your flight and getting back to Paris. But now, when you were sitting on your couch you started to realize…

It was Ethan's 16th birthday today, your ex's brother whom had you been really close to since the first time you met him as an 11 year old boy. And today he was turning 16. A wave of nostalgia brushed over you. You saw your little brother in him. Every time you missed y/b/n, Ethan was there for you. You could do all the stuff you used to do with your brother with him.

That was the one thing that Kylian loved. Seeing you with his family always made him more than happy. Seeing how you were part of his family.

But you didn't see Ethan since August, the last time you talked with him in person was the day when you were moving out of Kylian's apartment. Ethan had that day tears in his eyes. Well, he wasn't alone… Knowing that person who had loved as his sister was after four years leaving his and his brother's life. If he was younger he would be really angry at Kylian. But he was old enough, and he understood that sometimes is love not enough.

So now you were wondering if you should call him or not. He had texted you on your birthday ten days ago. But you felt like a text from your side wasn't enough. That he deserved more than that. So after minutes of thinking you pressed the green icon and started to call.

"Y/n?" his voice sounded surprised.

"Hey, Ethan." You let out a small laugh "I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday." For some reason, you started nervously playing with your bracelet.

"Thank you, I appreciate it." he was silent for a moment. "I thought that you won't call." His voice tone now changed from cheerful to something more sad, and your heart ached.

"I couldn't forget about you. You are still like my brother Ethan." you stopped for a moment. "Even after all of that." now you sounded like someone who will start to cry at any minute.

"Y/n" he noticed so he tried to change the subject. "You know that we didn't have a Marvel marathon in a long time." He mentioned something you used to do when Kylian was away and you both missed him. You always choose a few movies from the MCU which you have binge watched in one sitting surrounded by your favorite snacks and food that you would order earlier. And if Kyliand had a game that day, you would also watch it together.

"You would want that?" now, you were the one who was surprised.

"Why are you surprised ?" before you even responded he continued. "I miss it." for a second time in a few minutes you wanted to cry. Getting all the flashbacks from the past when the two of you used to hang out.

"Okay Ethan, I'm sorry but I need to go now. I will text you later and we will find a date okay?" now you just wanted to end up that call as soon as possible because you are a coward.

"Sure Y/n, I look forward to it." his voice now sounding happier than before.

"Bye Ethan, and in a meantime you should decide which movies we are gonna watch." you tried to sound also happy.

"Bye." were the last words he said before you ended up your call.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You couldn't fall asleep that night, even though you were really tired... Your head was full of thoughts, calling Ethan wasn't a good thing to do, you should just send him a message instead. But you didn't so, in the end, it was just your problem that Ethan's older brother was stuck in your head.

You hated yourself for that. You thought that it was over. That you are over it. But Christmas really messed up with your mind and hearing Ethan's voice too.

It was the first Christmas in four years that you didn't spend with Kylian. Well, you didn't even wish him a happy birthday this year, but he did to you. You just didn't open his message. He also sent your family a Christmas card, making your mum happy and your little brother sad that he didn't come with you. Y/b/n was too young to understand. 

It could be around 3 am when you finally fell asleep. But even in your sleep, you didn't find peace.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I'm home Mon amour." you heard your boyfriend's voice followed by his steps. You were sitting at the dining table with your laptop in front of you as you were booking plane tickets.

"Hey babe." you looked up at him, smiling as you saw his beautiful face. Even after four years of dating, you felt like you just fell in love with him. "How was training?" you asked as he bent down to kiss you on your forehead. You wrapped your hands around his neck, making him bend down even more.

"It was fine." he pulled you up while wrapping his hands around you. And kissing you again.

"What are you doing?" you laughed.

"I just wanna some cuddles." he rested his head on your head, squeezing you more into his hug. You let out a little chuckle.

"Okay but I need to finish booking my tickets first, and then we can cuddle okay?" you put a little kiss on his neck. "And you can change into something more comfortable, while I'm gonna finish this." Kylian pulled away with a little frown on his face.

"What are you booking tickets for?" he asked visibly confused.

"I thought that I would visit my family next week. Summer break started for Y/b/n so I could spend some time with him," you answered.

"But we're playing against Nantes next week." he wasn't smiling now. "And I thought that you are going with me." 

"I really wanted to go with you, but Y/b/n is after next week leaving for training camp. And then I'm flying to NYC with my work so that's the only week when I can see him."

"Since when are you flying to New York?" he looked almost angry like you didn't tell him.

"I told you like a month ago." he nodded with his head like you didn't. "I really did, you just weren't listening." it's not like it would be the first time he didn't listen to you. But you didn't mind, both of your schedules were so full, that sometimes you weren't able to keep everything in your heads. 

"I'm sure you did not, but whatever." he rolled his eyes, while also creating more space between you two. "But we have a game that week, so it's gonna be like what, fifth game in a month that you will miss?" he started to gesture with his hands. You know how much it means to him when you attend to his games, but at the same time, you know that you're doing the best you can.

"Ky, I'm really sorry." you tried to take his hand into yours, but he flinched with his hand away. "It's not like I'm missing your games on purpose. It's just a little bit busier at work and I can't do anything against it." You looked into his eyes. You have known him too well to tell how disappointed he was.

"But you don't need to work. You can stay home with me. You know that money is not our problem." now he put on puppy eyes and bring a conversation to a point that you argued about a few times in the past months.

You loved your job, you were a curator in an art museum. You started to work there as an intern while studying your first year in art major, getting a promotion just in January this year. So of course you didn't wanna give up that now.

"You know that I don't want. What I would do here? Wait for you every day to come back from your training? Following you like a lost puppy for every game? That would not work, we would just lose our minds!" now you were the one who got slightly angry at him. Seeing how his puppy eyes disappeared.

"Bordel de merde Y/n! It's really great to know how much I mean to you! Is it a lot that I'm asking? Having a girlfriend that has a relationship as a priority and not some fucking work? Is it a lot Y/n?! Is it something you can't give me? Even though I would give you the whole world if I could?" he furiously threw up his hands. 

"You know it's not like that Kylian!" you watched him in disbelief.

"Do I?" he turned away and rushed thru the doors. "I'm gonna go to Haikimi." then you just heard the slam of doors. First tear rolling down your cheek.

[onepiecereactions]

Marine academy chapter 5

Note: Marine Academy, chapter 5 on 28. Akainu X reader. Oc is called Murphy.

This chapter is SFW.

Marine Academy Part 1 Chapter 5

"Murphy, concentrate, dammit" Emma grumbled as she tried to place the needle on the mannequin with precision. The blonde, at her side, spent more time yawning than assisting her.

"Honestly, you're not helping. I'll tell that Sakazuki to stop keeping you awake" The brunette continued, a little louder. Some girls in the room turned to them, intrigued.

"Stop it Emma, ​​the girls are going to get the wrong idea !" Murphy begged, strangely wide awake this time. The brunette gave her a mocking smile.

"So, are you telling me about this evening or not at least?" Her friend questioned as she finished placing her needle and gave the instruments to Murphy.

"There's nothing extraordinary to tell. We just went to the cinema to watch a movie. It was important to me, because he had never been there. I think he enjoyed it. Well I guess... He's not really the type to smile and show his emotions... "Explained the blonde.

"Okay, but at some point, we're going to have to clear things up. You've been together for almost six months and still nothing has happened."Emma began.

"Because nothing is going to happen Emma, ​​we're just friends who enjoy each other's company." Murphy explained, skillfully performing the exercise under the astonished eyes of her friend.

"Yeah. I'm waiting to see how much he would enjoy your company if he found you naked in your bath." The brunette grumbled, her head resting in her hands on the table.

Murphy didn't have time to be offended before they were interrupted by their professor.

"That's pretty well done, ladies." The doctor began, examining the mannequin. "I've received your assignments for your first internship of the second year."

Murphy and Emma froze above the mannequin.

"Emma, ​​your application for pulmonology has been accepted, congratulations." The brunette jumped up and down, trying to keep herself from exploding with joy.

"Murphy, your application for trauma has also been accepted, congratulations. This is the first step for the emergencies room, I have high hopes for you." The professor finished before heading to another table.

The two friends looked at each other, a mixture of surprise and joy overwhelming them. Murphy had a hard time holding back tears of relief and happiness. These congratulations touched her deeply.

[...]

"Saka, Saka! I got it! Do you realize ? I got it!" The blonde said in a high-pitched voice, jumping up and down. The man had just come out of his training. Murphy had been waiting for him on the bench where they had been used to meeting after class for several months.

They never stayed very long, they both had exams to prepare for, but they enjoyed having dinner together in the calm and cool of the night.

He gave her a slight smile.

"Congratulations." He replied simply.

"But do you realize? The professor said she had high hopes for me to specialize in emergency ! I've been dreaming about it for years, Saka!"

She said, continuing to jump up and down next to him.

It had been weeks since he had thought about the nickname she had given him. He had understood long ago that when Murphy had an idea in her head, nothing could turn her away from it.

"And you? Tell me how it went?" The blonde asked, taking her sandwich out of her bag. She sat down next to him on the bench, getting closer to him. His devil fruit and natural warmth were a real pleasure in this freezing period.

"I'll embark tomorrow." The man simply said , biting into his apple.

"Tomorrow?" She asked, her gaze lost.

It was early. Very early. Too early. It was in a few hours in fact.

"Congratulations, I knew you would make it, I never doubted it." She confided.

Only the twenty best students of the soldier promotions could embark on a mission at the beginning of the second year. But Sakazuki was by far one of the strongest in his promotion. Most likely in the entire Academy.

The soldier didn't answer, but handed her a bottle of cold mango tea, her favorite. It was impossible to find it on the medical campus, but Sakazuki always managed to get her some. She had never figured out how.

"I'm going to be cold at night now. You'll have to lend me your jacket when I have dinner while you're gone." She ordered in a soft voice, her eyes filled with worries.

[paxesoterica]

Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury reminded me that I actually do enjoy watching anime, and since I have a bit of a backlog of ones I’ve either watched a few episodes or haven’t started at all, I was inspired by this post to make a scorecard of anime that I intend to watch over the course of this year.

My self-imposed rules are I will not start any other anime before I have finished these 16 (with the exception of Witch from Mercury, see below), I will be watching them with Japanese voice acting and subs, and that, gvien my experience with watching Witch from Mercury on a weekly basis, I won’t try to binge and instead watch an episode or two each day, since that will fit better into how busy life can get, and also give me more time to really think about what I just watched before moving on.

The shows above are listed in chronological order of release (1979-2023), but not the order I’ll necessarily watch them in (I like having the freedom to pick and choose), with additional notes below:

1.) Mobile Suit Gundam (1979; dir. Yoshiyuki Tomino): A more experienced Gundam fan who is also fond of Revolutionary Girl Utena recommended this and War in the Pocket (see below) if I was curious about other Gundam shows. Since I’ve been meaning to watch some older anime for awhile anyway, this seemed like a good series to start with, especially with its historical importance to the medium. I have previewed the first episode and I think it holds up well so far. I will only be watching the 43 episodes of the original anime at this time, so not the movie compilations or the sequel series like Zeta or ZZ (yet).

2.) Mobile Suit Gundam 0080: War in the Pocket (1989; dir. Fumihiko Takayama): I mentioned that I would permit myself freedom to choose the watch order, but since War in the Pocket is a side-story set around the same period as Mobile Suit Gundam, I feel it would be better to watch the former after the latter, so that I’ll have a better understanding of the setting.

3.) Goldfish Warning! (1991; dir. Junichi Sato): Goldfish Warning! has an interesting history, in that it’s something of a predecessor to Sailor Moon: the latter would reprise the former’s timeslot, much of its staff (including the director and his assistants, among which was a young Kunihiko Ikuhara), and a similar style of slapstick comdey. As a bonus, I’m 99% certain that one of the leads, Chitose Fujinomiya, would serve as inspiration for the Revolutionary Girl Utena character, Nanami Kiryuu. I will be watching both the 45 episode anime series and its accompanying film.

4.) Neon Genesis Evangelion (1995; dir. Hideaki Anno): The thing that piqued my interest in this show was a short review that I read years ago (don’t remember when or where), and that may have been translated from Japanese iirc. The review talked about how gender roles in Eva were inverted compared to mecha shows that came before it, such as how Shinji acted more like stereotypical female characters from such shows, while Asuka acted like what you’d expect from stereotypical male characters. I don’t know how true that observation is, but it stuck with me, and I’ll be keeping an eye out for that. I will be watching the original 26 episodes as well as the End of Evangelion film. I’m debating if I also want to include the Rebuild of Evangelion films, but I’m currently leaning towards watching those sometime later.

5.) FLCL (2000; dir. Kazuya Tsurumaki): I watched the first four episodes at a con, but never finished, so I’ll be doing a rewatch from the first episode. I’ll be watching the original OVA series, but leave the sequel seasons for another time.

*6.) Princess Tutu (2002; dir. Junichi Sato & Shogo Koumoto): I needed to watch this anime after watching an amv of it titled Dance of Death (it’s got spoilers, including for what I’m assuming are the last episodes, but if you don’t mind that or have already seen it, I highly recommend giving it a gander). I watched ‘til around episode 16~ until real life interrupted, so I’m starting over and watching it from the beginning. This is the first of the three shows I’m currently watching, and up next is Ep. 02.

7.) Michiko & Hatchin (2008; dir. Sayo Yamamoto): Multiple reviewers I trust said it was good, the setting and premise sound pretty different from anime norms, and I’m intrigued by the bit of trivia that apparently the director made it explicitly for office ladies to enjoy after coming home from their shift.

8.) Star Driver (2010; dir. Takuya Igarashi): Pretty sure I learned about Star Driver from this chart tracing the work of some of the members of Be-Papas (not *everything* anime-related comes back to Revolutionary Girl Utena, but a lot of it does, yeah  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ). I’ll be watching the series, but I’m not sure about the movie since apparently it’s a compilation film, so I’ll have to think about it.

9..) Penguindrum (2011; dir. Kunihiko Ikuhara & Shouko Nakamura): I’ve heard mixed opinions on this one, but it’s an Ikuhara-directed anime so I want to watch regardless, and form my own opinions about it. I’ll watch the 24 episodes, but I’m not sure about the Re:cycle films that came out recently.

10.) Mob Psycho 100 (2016; dir. Yuzuru Tachikawa, Takahiro Hasui): Someone made a vhs recording of the show’s first OP that ran on loop, and that was apparently enough to lodge itself in my brain. I watched the first season and a couple episodes of the second, until real life interrupted, so I’ll start fresh and watch all three seasons, plus the two OVAs that were apparently made.

11.) Sarazanmai (2019; dir. Nobuyuki Takeuchi & Kunihiko Ikuhara): Another Ikuhara-directed anime. I was halfway through before real life interruptions, but watching 11 episodes should be relatively easy.

12.) Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle (2020; dir. Mitsue Yamazaki): In retrospect, I slept on this show, as I hadn’t realized it was another comedy by the director of Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun, not to mention that the premise is a nice subversion of a classic fantasy trope.

13.) Shadows House (2021; dir. Kazuki Ouhashi): I dug the gothic fantasy vibe I got from the review I read. I will be watching both seasons.

*14.) Bocchi the Rock! (2022; dir. Keiichirou Saitou): Repeatedly saw the protagonist compared to Suletta Mercury due to social anxiety, and am staying for the show’s willingness to experiment with animation. This is the second of the three shows I’m currently watching, and up next is Ep. 05.

*15.) Mobile Suit Gundam: The Witch from Mercury (2022; dir. Hiroshi Kobayashi & Ryou Andou): The whole reason I started watching this show was this post. And now I have brainrot am perfectly normal about this show. Starting with Ep. 02, I watched this show every Sunday it was out, and intend to resume doing so in April. It is possible that I might not be able to finish this show in 2023, since previous Gundam shows have run about ~50-ish episodes, and this show’s predecessor, Iron-Blooded Orphans, was initially slated to run only 25 episodes, only to reveal that the show length had been doubled in what would have been the last episode. So, I’ll finish Witch from Mercury in either 2023 or 2024.

*16.) The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genius Young Lady (2023; dir. Shingo Tamaki): Another lead compared to Suletta, this time due to rescuing a bride from her jerk fiance and being really gay. This is the third of the three shows I’m currently watching, and up next is Ep. 04.

[pazodetrasalba]

Vae Victis

Dear Caroline:

Just finished reading yesterday this recommendation of yours. It wasn't bad, but if I am to be sincere, it is up to now the least interesting of your 5 star choices. I imagine this comes as a result of my absence from the world it depicts: what might have been personally relevant for an (ex)finance bro like you is mostly irrelevant for me.

Yes, the book is a bit slow and rambling, and yes, it does accelerate and get more thriller-like once the bids are out (title gives away the resolution, though, if for some reason you had never heard of the RJR Nabisco leveraged buyout in the first place). The cast is too big - I actually benefited from watching the movie adaptation before finishing the book so that I could at least make a clear mental picture of the, say, 10 or so main characters.

One way of reading this book (and the popular narrative at the time of the events) is as a story of greed, with stereotyped and villainous figures (the film is much less nuanced than the book, and really goes full-hog in this direction: Ross Johnson is a a snake charmer wallowing in luxury who'd sell his mother for the right price, and Henry Kravis is literally Count Dracula - nobody does 'slightly creepy old dude' better than Jonathan Pryce), the worst of which are Wall Street bankers and lawyers who are out to make a catch with complete disregard for the well-being of businesses, shareholders, workers and public. This is how I would have read it many years ago, in my Marxist years. Now that I have become attuned to the fact that capitalism and markets are (mostly) good and the financial sector is necessary for keeping our social machine well oiled and running, I'd be inclined to make other readings as well.

On a side note -actually, it's not that much in the sidelines-, schools do a very poor job at pushing forward what is an extremely anti-intuitive but truthful view, first espoused by Adam Smith in The Wealth of Nations, and expressed in your own review as "You think about market participants each trying to maximize their profits, and everyone acting in their own interest ends up maximizing total welfare, and that makes sense in a zoomed-out way, and as far as I can tell is not a crazy model of the behavior of companies". But this really beggars belief until you actually see it: it feels no less stupid and false to a smart teenager than religious dogma. On the contrary, the same teenager who reads The Communist Manifesto will find a very believable narrative of the moral and economic progress of History through class conflict, and if he further pursues some basic readings (and remains, as we mostly do, economically illiterate), will also find the theory of surplus value scientific-sounding and a good basis for accusing all capitalists of being exploiters and thieves.

It is, indeed, nothing short of miraculous that individual egoisms actually end up creating a quasi-optimal arrangement for the most part, but I feel Barbarians at the Gate is mostly showing you the scenario when this doesn't actually happen. That is to say, for RJR Nabisco under Johnson's leadership, and through the LBO, it does indeed appear that (quoting you again):

- there is a CEO, who is a guy - there is a board, consisting of a bunch of guys who are friends with the CEO - they all have fiduciary duties and if they fail to meet them they will get yelled at by a judge in Delaware - ??? - shareholder value gets maximized

Love the ???. Actually, if one goes back to those dull, first chapters at the beginning of the book, we do get a glimpse of how companies manage to turn individual egoisms into positive enterprises. The book dwells a lot on the first years of Nabisco and Reynolds tobacco, on how founders made all the right choices of wise investment and expansion, use of local knowledge, ethics, hard work and know-how, treating workers and shareholders well, taking advantage of rising opportunities... It really reads like a guide on what to do, as contrasted with the relative vacuity of what Ross Johnson actually ends up doing. Does he actually create any positive value? Perhaps his best contribution is his rejection of stability and routine, a chaotic undermining of conformity which might help against the inevitable stagnation of consolidated companies, but that appears to be all he does. Yes, he charms board members and presidents, parties hard and lavishes wealth on executives and board members (including himself). on the face of it, all this doesn't seem at all better than its opposite.

I am not economically savvy enough, but moving to LBOs, I imagine one could make the case for them in that they judge company value more efficiently than markets (as seemed to be the case with the stagnantly low value of RJR Nabisco shares), and in that the debt and diet they impose on their companies trim out the fat, the redundant, the inefficient and (once the debt is paid), end with a more economically efficient company that can survive and thrive in the market better. Like all tools, though, they can be misused, making some people very rich (CEOs, their cronies and the lenders) and a lot of people quite miserable (workers and shareholders) through financial trickery and assaults orchestrated through 'phoney money'. It is all a matter of trade-offs, I guess. Still, I like some of the anti-LBO voices: even though the book has no heroes (Johnson might be an anti-hero of sorts), Ted Forstmann comes pretty close (and btw, he become a signatory of the Giving Pledge in 2011). It's a pity the way he's massacred in the movie. And crypto doesn't feel that far away from junk bonds...

The book did have some lovely snippets of humor (loved the private jet piloting Mr. G. Shepherd to safety). As for your belief that "it is reassuring that the whole system seems to kinda work anyway", I fear it seems to be the wrong lesson to learn from all of this; in fact, the book seems peppered with quotes that are the absolutely worst possible lessons one could take, most of them from the lips of Ross Johnson, about disregarding protocols, logic, reason and checks and balances. Your final quote about rows of figures with millions of dollars that no one knows the proper meaning of is actually quite an ominous note to end the review with, a precursor to the apparently very lax and chaotic management of vastly superior sums of money in FTX and Alameda.

Quote:

"It all started with a small lemonade stand in Manitoba,” read one Johnson parody. “The next thing I knew I had sold my mother. The rest was easy.”

P.S.: Among the things you mention that motivate you, "making guys think I am attractive" seems particularly ill-phrased. You are incredibly attractive, Caroline (both as a person and as a woman), so there should be little need of persuasion, except we usually find that these truths and feelings are seldom commutative.

[firespirited]

a vague post I made a year ago just got confirmed by hbomberguy's twist.

no-one will ever know but this is a note to myself that it's not the first time, more importantly it's also not the first time I tried to talk myself out of being a cynical hater.

I do NOT do vibes or gut based anything, I just keep a mental note of when people do something from the playbook of various manipulative people i've known and emotionally pull back slightly. (In this case I went down a rabbithole and found a lot of what's presented)

Sometimes, if it's closer to home, i'll write letters to never be sent; decide whether it's something I can move past when i'm done writing, because every circumstance is different. This is superficial internet entertainer stuff, i'm really gesturing to broader patterns about more personal and IRL stuff here.

-------------------------------

You know how I like to add "further reading" on some movie reviews? I like to go to video essay and article sources and do the reading if it's not too dense.

So I spent the first part of the hbomberguy video seething about a 2h video I once watched about end of the world theories in western culture that turned out to be ripped wholesale from early 2000s PBS that was a 30 minute read with many more sources for further research. It had seemed so legit, of course it was good, it was PBS: they cited experts in their fields.

There are other youtubers who make books or chapters from books digestible and I'm going to keep my mouth shut on that because youtube is full of regurgitated stuff (ever tried to get an ending explained and get a TTS wikipedia summary instead?), these are often people with less work options and sometimes the books are quite tough reads that I needed help getting into:

yeah i'm including the dude who did a read through of Dune while skipping all the boring bits and getting out the explanation charts when things got complicated because that's actually a great way to absorb Dune... while also very mildly side-eyeing everyone who read How to Blow up a Pipeline or All about Love by bell hooks and decided to spoon-feed its uncomplicated messages back without much transformative value.

But stuff like Foucault and Federici are so academic, I actively seek out the digested bite sized bits with examples of how it applies, it's practically written in a foreign language with how each term has its own history and meaning and you end up with twenty wikipedia pages open to get through 5 pages.

On a positive note: I would like to shout out delightful Tee Noir who releases pop culture videos that, let's say, spread the seed for other videos that often get more attention.

-------------------------

PS: Dear past!me, maybe you're not inflicted with a "spirit of bitterness" but have a good nose for spotting bullies who pretend to be nice people. Dear future!me, could you remember this for once or must we always do this mental song and dance?

[liannaflower]

What are your top 5 books?

Ah well....this is a hard question and for a sad reason. I have no idea😂😅

Most of my so called fave books were my favourite years ago, so it's hard to tell if I still like them. For example Percy Jackson books, specifically the first one because ahh ✨Ares✨ of course, but I recently wanted to reread it again and couldn't even get to reaching camp.

Well anyways, what I know for sure is The Wolf Den by Elodie Harper. (By the way these aren't in order.) It was a unique read and I surprisingly liked it. I also read the next part and had high hopes for it but it flopped. 🥺 The covers are so pretty tho. It had a great vibe (this almost sounds like a red flag) and it basically follows the lives of prostitutes in Pompeii few years before the eruption.

Another one for sure is The song of Achilles (Madeline Miller) and while I usually don't like (khm I hate them) retellings this one was cute. It's been on my fave list for like 8 years and even rereading hasn't diminished it.

Then Prince's Gambit by C. S. Pacat from the captive prince trilogy and oh my gods. This has everything. The ancient Greece vibes, the enemies to lovers, the gayness😂😂😂(and the sex , the torture, the betrayals etc) I found this series by total accident and thank gods I did. I adore it.

Here I would normally mention one of the Pjo books (either 1st or 4th) but I can't do so now, and then I would mention one of the Eragon books but I also can't because it's been years without rereading them. (I always used to say Legendary from Stephanie Garner but I just recently reread it and I realised I no longer love it)

Sooo that leaves me questioning things. One that came to my mind is a Hungarian book. Aranyember - Jókai Mór (roughly translated: Golden man/gold man by Mór Jókai) It's a much hated book in Hungary (at least among students, I'm not sure if it's still obligatory or not anymore) because it's long and the writer has a unique style, where he makes every description soooo long but I adore it. It's a love story with a poor man falling in love with a rich girl and marrying her but then she's just saying yes out of obligation and she doesn't love him back etc etc. Then he falls in love with a poor girl and so he has double lives. He is also very very good with money so everything he invests in turns out so much better than expected and he gets very rich too. So basically just full of lies and love and agony and self debate. It's also not modern so it's set back in the old Hungary but that gives the charm. And damn it's just such a great book now I wanna watch the movie again too. 😭

The other I thought of is a short story to the Captive Prince trilogy. The Pet. Why? No idea. But I think it's great how it adds depth to a certain not so liked side character. After reading it I love him so so much. Also read one of the best fanfics for this book. Fuck that was so gooooood too.

Sadly I don't read as much as I should anymore or as I would want to.

If I really have to pick a legit book instead of the last one it would be The betrayals by Bridget Collins. Wonderful cover first of all. Made me buy it😂 I liked it, it was mysterious and a bit messy but not enough gay for me but oh well. Other honorary mention is Call me by your name and Find me by André Aciman. Beautiful stories. Nice writing. No other words.

Thanks for the ask. I really need to start reading better books because in the past year I mostly read thrillers and trash erotica or just yaoi😅 and none of those will ever hold me as close. On that note do you or anyone have any recs?

[bekahbomb]

I took 11 grams of shrooms trip report °~

------------------------------------------------------------------------

the Alabama cow pastures

the day was 3 days ago on 5/20 (Saturday) and it was our day off together. we woke up & the manager at the hotel was calling at like 10:00 in the morning so we couldn't sleep in on our day off. we got in the car and drove to the store for drinks or cigarettes I guess. we passed a truck that was wrecked in a ditch. we kept driving passed soooo many damn yard mushrooms and I was seeing them all over the side of the road.

I got the gut feeling that I should go by the spot that the universe has been giving me signs to go to, just to see if any could be there. the cow pastures in Alabama are so rich and they can produce magic mushrooms that I've been wanting to try all year. noted, I've never gone picking for mushrooms on someone's cow pasture before. Saturday I became one of those people you hear stories about trespassing on cow farmers to get their psychedelic mushrooms. I'll just say that it's totally the fate of the universe because there were an abundance of them there! exactly where my gut feeling told me they were. I'm seriously talking about beautiful, fresh, totally perfect cubensis mushrooms. I also got lucky & got some psycilocibe caerulescens growing beside the cubensis ones. the magic of this day was dreamy and unreal and absolutely out of this world. I'm going to keep going back to describing it as out of this world because that's the only words that comes close.

and the natural outcome of that is we ended up picking them and eating them & tripping all weekend. these are the words I'm going to try to use to describe the experience:

-------Day 1 trip------- (Saturday, 5/20/2023)

the dream and the VHS tape

the day we found them. I started myself off with eating one of the cubes pins, but this pin was super big and probably weighed 2 grams or something. I felt it coming pretty fast in my stomach mainly at first, and then my vision became really distorted and everything was waving. there were tracers everywhere on everything like the tree branches and every single leaf.

everything had movement behind every movement like shadowing almost. mom left to go to work and I went to the trampoline to lay down because my stomach needed me to. I watched all the branches and leaves for awhile with Zach. I couldn't stop looking at him and thinking he's so beautiful. then I noticed in my vision that it was like a 90's VHS tape. kind of like an old camera flickering in my vision. I would laugh and then I wouldn't be able to stop. & then he was talking about Friday (night before all of this) and it played back in my head like a 90's VHS tape. and I remember him standing by the car at the hotel and it was like an old movie. like watching and remembering an old movie. for some odd reason I couldn't get that out of my head.

that's when things started getting super trippy for me because I was imagining me & him at the hotel in a dreamy way that didn't seem real but it was a VHS tape movie. the VHS movie is a reuccuring theme throughout all of this experience for some reason I don't know how to explain. that's the only way I can explain how it felt. it was a dreamy place and the honda was a dreamy car. especially when I imagined or saw him standing in front of it. it was really trippy seeing him in such a dreamy way & the car is the object that solidifies him being real and incredibly dreamy at the same time.

but yea, we were basically just having deep conversations and silly ones & laughing a lot. that was the strongest 2 grams I ever ate. we had to go inside because it started sprinkling rain. I was thinking so many cool things that I can't even remember. oh yea and every time I would yawn, tears would out come behind it and my eyes were watering really bad. I kept having to assure Zach that I'm not crying or sad and I was okay.

day one was really intense and amazing! Day 2 was just insane madness and I'll write about it too. the next time I take that many shrooms I definitely don't need to be around that many people, preferably just with Zach when we can be completely alone.

------------Day 2 trip (05/21/2023)-------

him, the car, and the hotel

day 2 was the wildest ride ever because I started off eating 2 kinda big but small mushrooms, nothing too crazy. Morgan came over and Zach was putting a blue hood latch on the honda. I could feel them kicking in when I was sitting in the back of Morgan's van and before that when he first got there. he set a blanket in the back of it to make it comfortable for me.

then I decided to eat 2 more when I was sitting in his van just to see what would happen. let me just say, not much time had passed; maybe 35 or 45 minutes had passed, since I had already eaten the first 2. so I ate 2 fresh ones , and then 2 more cracker dry ones. no exact measurements on the grams, I'm guessing around 5 or something. after that, I smoked a bong & it launched me straight into a full blown psychede trip. it felt like my inner child came out and I could just let go and giggle at every little silly thing or thought I had. then the same thing repeated, the same thing from before when I was sitting in the back of the van; and I could see Zach standing in front of the car, in front of me in the driveway, then I imagined him standing in front of it at the hotel. & he was telling the story about Friday night (before all of this even happened) and he was talking about the guys at the hotel that disrespected him. & it was a the same dreamy feeling from before and it was really tripping me out. it was the feeling of him, the car, and the hotel, and it was just a dream and a VHS memory, and unbelievable. it felt unreal in those moments. still have no idea what any of it means. anyways, basically my inner child came out for 4 hours and it was a super cool experience.

when Morgan left, I felt his energy leave because we're twins, and he may have been part of the reason for the inner child. I had a nice talk with Zach when they left to go to the store too. the trip came down though.

a few hours later and after eating a few slices of pizza, later that night, me and Zach scaled out 11 grams each and it was so hard to eat all of them but I got them down and held them down the entire time, I didn't vomit. they were actually measured exactly this time. oh & when I was looking at Zach holding 2 shroom caps, they looked wicked, i got that dreamy feeling again seeing that, and it seems to me now, that I have seen shrooms before in a past life or dream life or something. it seemed familiar in an unreal, dream like way. a VHS tape played in my head of Zach and mushrooms like that.

anyways, it's 9:00 at night and I'm getting sleepy so I'm going to write about the most remarkable things quickly. So I got the shrooms down and I held them down the entire time. I started tripping so hard that moving became more difficult and it was hard to even form a thought or form a sentence, let alone have any kind of conversation. I felt like I reverted back to a child like mindset somehow and I couldn't get myself out of it but i was ok with it so I didn't think too much about it. I told myself that it would be okay if I felt like this forever and that being a child felt so good.

at one point, I opened my eyes and every single thing was bright orange. everything, the walls, it all had like a glowing orange filter over it; and it stayed like that for a couple of minutes at least. i was literally looking through my vision as an old orange filter on a VHS tape. then it was like I blinked it back to normal because I paid too much attention to it, because it didn't happen again after that.

that was super wild to me, the whole room glowing, and seeing everything orange, and seeing Zach himself glowing through this orange VHS filter through my eyes. but Zach was telling me that its because of the orange light, but to me I think, that it's only a slight orange hue; everything glowed orange for a few minutes, and I blinked it off my eyes. my eyes and my mind were totally playing tricks on me. I mean, I definitely realized then that everything wasn't truly orange as I was seeing it but I definitely, truly was seeing it that way.

and Zach told me to turn the light off, and that was ok because I had light from my phone. it was dark and my phone's radiant light was glowing and bright and I was seeing color normally again, I think. Definitely still more vibrant color but it wasn't the orange VHS tape anymore.

note that I can't truly find the right words to actually explain the entire experience I was having, because it was out of this world, and there are no words.

I took a heroic dose of mushrooms and no words I ever have can describe my experience. I can only put certain things into words.

mushrooms are totally different from acid in the way you see things and the distortion of your vision is similar sometimes, but mushrooms are way more out of your control.

I'm remembering now that during one point in the night on this heroic dose, I could move but I didn't want to, and I just stayed still for so long. and I thought about stories people have told about the strongest strain of psychedelic mushroom; (psycilocibe azurescens) and how they told stories about feeling paralyzed by this mushroom on their trip.

------(continuing) 05/24/2023

and then I thought about how I was being so still and realizing that it's very possible to get paralyzed on your trip. I had never eaten that many mushrooms before and it was a heroic dose that I probably went overboard doing because I'm like 100 pounds. at moments it really could've seemed like I was paralyzed but I could move. I just told myself that if I feel paralyzed, I can relax & accept it, & accept that it would be over soon and I was going to be okay.

something else remarkable that happened was that i couldnt really say a comprehendable sentence, just random words and giggles for a while. and my voice went super soft and it felt like it would take too much strength to speak up or talk louder. I wanted quiet and peace. also on day 1's trip, I saw the rocks on the ground as an old movie. and my shirt was bright orange and all I could see was myself in the orange shirt in my reflection on the dream car. it was the perfect color shirt for me to be wearing that day. it's funny to think about that and then the orange VHS film on my vision on day 2. seeing myself in the reflections felt truly unreal, as if my sense of self was not with me.

it took me 2 days to write this and it's still not even half of the experience I had that night. the experience I had was unworldly, and dreamy, and truly psychedelic. I spoke like a totally different person and I loved feeling like a child again.

how do I feel now? (5/24/2023)

i feel those amazing after glow effects of the psycilocibyn mushroom. I went back to work after that weekend with more energy, a more positive attitude, and a new outlook on the hotel I work at. I always get such amazing clarity of mind after I trip on shrooms and I'm sober again, I'm in love with that so much💖😭

[benefits1986]

morogonomic

When it rains, it floods.

One of the things I do when I combat the flu (and cortisol) is watching a good movie. Dad has been cooking more with the help of my recipes, and pre-prepared ingredients with exact measures and specific instructions because your noona has been kinda clunky recently. I have been able to slow down a bit and what better way to wind down than to watch a movie together on a stormy MNL night, right?

And so, the new interface of Netflix is fucked. LOL. I rarely watch movies lately because I need to get stuff in places I don't even know when, where, or how. CHZ. Crap on crap on crap is what Netflix is, generally speaking. LOL. Kaya mejj wala na rin ako pake. When I saw Brillante Ma Mendoza's Moro, I knew I was not going to have a "chill" viewing experience. I actually browsed again and again. I wanted something calming or something that won't make me think. However, ang gwapo ni Piolo tapos 'yung ilong niya, parang ginawa na naman. CHOZ. Mala-Pinnochio na e and super pointed. LOL.

Brillante's brilliance is one of the reasons why I love indie films. The shaky shots, the bokeh, the colors, the frame, the details. It's giving ethnographic research on super steroids, babyyyyyy! Kabogstra Viva, Seiko, and Star Cinema. EMS.

The first time I saw Serbis ages ago, sabi ko, JUSQ. Ano ba 'to? Bakit I can feel the UGH seeping into my system. Naggawa niyang mag-appeal sa 5 senses even when it was but another indie film. Looking back, taob Vivamax sa Serbis. Isa pa lang 'yan a. Tabi. Choopi. And may social relevance pa as in god-tier levels.

Siguro, kasi Serbis is housed in cinema rin kaya appealing sa akin. Pero super graphic niya na hanggang ngayon, kunot-noo pa rin ako. Para sa mga nagsasabing porn-ish ang Serbis, bobo niyong lahat. Hahahaha. Eat shit. Serbis is a movie that moves people. Lalabasan ka ng inis, galit, poot, at higit sa lahat pawis. Kasi naman, I kennat why naman ganun here sa earth mga ganaps? And the kambing in one of the scenes, just super graphic. It's horrific and terrific. Ganernnn.

Iniisip ko nga kung papanood ko sa tatay kong pakitong-kitong itong Serbis pero baka mastress lang siya kesa mag-enjoy. HAHAHAHA. Namention kasi ni dad a few weeks back na ang legit daw pala ni Mercedes Carbral. Sabi ko naman: You haven't seen her in her glory, yet! Hahahahahaha.

Si Brillante, unapologetic sa timeline ng pelikula niya. And proud siya diyan. May flow siya kung saan immersion ang laban ng kwento niya. HOOOHOOOHOOO. Kaya nga, indie 'di ba? Budget, medyo malaki. Hahahahahaha. Pero 'yung mga paganaps niya, pakkkk.

Hindi talaga ako nasa-starstruck masyado, let alone naiintimidate, pero mannnnn. The first time I saw him in the flesh, solid. Kasi, he lets his art speak for him. PAK. Nakipagkwentuhan to the max talaga ako kasi sobrang gusto ko makita details niya up close. LOL. As a fangirl po tayo e. Tapos usap-usap kami about his films. HUHUHUHU. Pigil-pigil pa akong tumili kasi in that moment, I am living the dreammmmm, babbyyyy. Simple lang pero solid.

I think first time ni Dad manood ng Brillante Ma Mendoza film. So, boogsh. Hahahahahaha. Puro kasi Seiko saka Vivamax trip neto. LOL.

Side Note: Years back, tinanong ako ng tatay ko bakit naman daw 'yung 50 Shades of Grey ang lala. I'm like wtf do you mean? Syempre, explain-explain siya. Me: Hay. It's is what it is. And the target market are women who are bottled up. Research shows that... ayun. PAKSHET NA MALAGKET. Galetwoman na naman me. Apaka bobo talaga manood. Hahahahahaha. Also, kako, baka na-insecure lang din siya because... Hahaha. Boogsh. Forda record, OA nung 50 Shades. Honestly. Jusq. Pero pang-mainstream kasi siya, so ayun. Next!

Sabi ko na humanda siya. Aba sabi ba naman, bakit wala pang nangyayari sa mga unang scenes. In fairness sa comment niya, totoo 'yan. Ganyan si Brillante. 'Di naman sing-bagal ni Kidlat Tahimik pero mabagal talaga first few minutes ng pelikula niya. He takes time to expose his narrative.

In true fashion, may papoetic vibe kung saan, ang goal ay pag-isipin ka agad-agad. LOL. Sa ending naman, lagi't laging open-ended na syempre, ayaw ng mga typical Pinoys. HAHAHAHAHA.

I won't go into the "spoiler" route pero ukilkilin natin ang paglikha ni Ma Mendoza. Hahahahahaha. Shemayyyy. 'Yung shots niya, parang nasa frame ka as a "wingman" or "wingwoman" kasi iba pag-shot niya. 'Yung para kang Marites. Tapos, 'yung shaky shots epek niya, minsan may sense, minsan wala.

I think pinaka gusto ko is 'yung lights. As in. Solb na solb. 'Di siya fancy, pero kaya niyang magpa-sepia sa foreground tapos muted pero popping background. HAHAHAHA. Eat shit mga ibang manlilikha. Puwedeng edited na 'to lalo these days, pero naisip pa niya talaga 'yun 'di ba?

'Yung depth of field niya mula super shallow to super deep abot kabilang universe. EMS. Ang galing kasi kita mo talaga. Pinagisipan. Ginalingan kahit minsan medyo pilit. HUY. Hahahahahaha. Gets ba? Ayun. Mahirap kasi lalo 'pag camera mo, ems lang. CHOZ. Pero mahirap kasi budget is usually a constrict rather than a construct. HUY. Sino ka na naman diyan?

Then, the frames. 'Di siya Wong Kar-wai na frame within a frame within a frame. Sa tingin ko kasi, walang ganito sa Philippine cinema. Wala pa. Baka paparating pa lang. *wink*wink* Hahahaha. 'Yung framing niya, reflective ng Philippine culture. Either super wide or super tight. EMS. Walang in between. Paano mo nga ba kasi ife-frame ang isang bansang sobrang lala ng curation of the poor, the middle class, and the upper class, 'di ba po? CHOZ.

Anyhow, set design and prod. Isa pa 'to. Ang boogsh. 'Di siya fancy, pero malapit sa realidad. 'Yung parang hiniram ang mga costume ng cast sa kapitbahayan. Ganern. Eat shit ulit. Hahahahahaha. Compared to Oro, Plata, Mata, hahahahahahahahaha. 'Yun na lang talaga. I come in peace. EMS.

Another thing kay Ma Me is 'yung grainy pero sharp vibe. Basta. Gets ba? Or baka ako lang na naman yan. Pati textured skin ni Piolo, hindi naklusot. Pati imperfection nung nunal ni Piolo, putok na putok. Pati pag-tulo ng mga sinampay na damit nung housewife ni Baron, poetic. Hahahaha. Parang may subtext lahat. EMS.

I remember one question thrown by an audience (not me, syempre) about a film, not sure if Brillante 'yun. Tinanong kung intentional ba raw or subtext 'yung pink-ish color grading. Sabi nung direktor, ah. Napansin mo rin? Actually, wala lang. Gusto ko lang ng ganung color para maiba. HAHAHAHA. Tawa naman ang audience. LOL.

Details. Ang pinaka simpleng sapul details is 'yung mga weeds as in damong ligaw na nasa lupa after nung shot ng mga Most Wanted. Sobrang liit na details lang nun, pero juskoooolordeeee. Take my soul. Ganerrnn.

So, what?

I really wanna see more films from the Philippines that are trending with a purpose. 'Di lang 'yung puro landian to the max o kaya naman, puro very good girls and bois. HUY. We deserve a better cinema experience even sa online. Actually, lalo sa online. Dapat naman e magkaroon na ng impit finally ang mga pelikulang may kwento AT may kwenta. As I keep saying, cinema is a reflection of one's identity --on a personal level, and a societal level.

Para naman sana, may bigat at buga na tayo sa pagbaha at pagbayo sa bansa lalo na't sobrang disaster-prone natin. Para naman sa mga new breed na pagmamanahan natin ng legacy na sana naman, may silbi, savay-savay. Para naman sa pag-stop right now ng mga kulay ni ganito at ni ganyan forda greater good. Para naman kako, masawata na talaga ang kanser ng lipunan na nakaatang sa mga mamayan at sa bawat buwis at boto or hindi nila pagboto. Para naman sana, baka bukas, mas piliin natin ang Pilipinas ng hindi sapilitan lang. Para naman, baka naman, baka lang, makausad na ng tuluyan ang Bapor Tabo patungo sa West Philippine Sea. CHOZ. Para naman, kesa mega cities na reclaimed naman (ulol) ang focus, sustainable living and working spaces ang pamana natin sa next generation, 'di po ba?

Umaaray at dumudugo na ang middle class. Pati mga alta-ish, mejj nase-stress na sa lagay ng shit dito. LOL. Kaya naman, ano na? Ano ba? Ano pa? Ano? Suntukan? Ang agaaaa. Abangan! PS1: Fave shot ko sa Moro is 'yung part na may mother and son na parang Jesus and Mary pero Muslim. Basta. No spoiler. Abangan n'yo na lang kung masisipat niyo. Hihihihihihi.

PS2: Walang PS2 for today. Bukas na lang siguro. CHZ.

[nctjpeg]

anyways 7 years ago today i met my ex best friend (the one i fell out with in 2020) and it’s my blog and i have thoughts

okay so. lizzy lore dump time.

when i was 17, i met this dude at a college event for rising freshmen soon to be attending my university.

at first i thought he was ugly and annoying, but then i got to know him, and he became one of my closest friends. he was charismatic and funny, we had a lot of shared interests, he wowed me with stories of his teenaged debauchery (something I never experienced and desperately wanted), and we had the same major and career goals. there was a time in my life where i saw this man every day. our apartments were 3 minutes walking distance from each other. we would stay up til odd hours watching silly movies and laughing about the complete nonsense we would say to each other. i trusted him completely, and in my mind he was like a brother to me (and for context: my older brother and i are INCREDIBLY close)

and then he sexually assaulted me in March 2020, right at the start of the pandemic.

it wasn’t a typical assault, however, so I didn’t realize what had happened until 6 months after the assault, and a month after he and I were no longer friends. in august of that year we had fallen out for completely unrelated reasons involving a “coke* pact” we had made as freshmen in college. for the uninitiated (because to 21-year-old-me’s surprise this is not a thing most people do), the pact was that i was not to try that drug for the first time without him present, and long story short that didn’t happen. he found out, got really angry, threatened to kill himself over it, and ended our friendship.

(side note: days earlier one of our mutual friends told me he had admitted to being in love with me, something i had always suspected. I think this has something to do with his reaction)

that was about 4 years ago and I still grieve this friendship every day. there’s a part of me that hates this. that tells me “he’s a predator and a bum, your life has only improved without him in it, we’ve been to trauma therapy, get over it and move on.”

but there’s a part of me that believes the friendship I had with that man was my real “first love,” but it was a PLATONIC love when the problem was he wanted a ROMANTIC love. why? because I genuinely believed that he was going to be in my life forever, and what is love if not that? so I guess the grief I feel has stemmed from trying to adjust to living without this “forever person,” and on top of that, having to grapple with the fact that I trusted him completely and he violated me.

as you may have guessed, that’s where a lot of my jaded feelings about men stem from. one of the most heartbreaking feelings to have come from ALL of this is that I loved that man so deeply and in the end he STILL objectified me, even after all the movies we watched, the jokes we made, the memes we shared, the heart to heart conversations we had, even when I had been in a vulnerable state around him dozens of times before, when he saw an opportunity to try and get whatever sexual gratification he wanted to get from me, he still took it. none of that shit mattered to him when I was finally insecure and inebriated enough to take advantage of. and if it didn’t matter to him, the man who I saw every day and loved like my own brother, does it matter to anyone? suffice to say, letting new people in after this has been incredibly difficult.

I suppose I should end this on a positive note, so I will say losing that friendship was hard, but it was also one of the best things to ever happen to me. when I spoke up to our mutual friends (none of which I fuck with anymore) about what he had done to me in January of 2021, I swear 5 good things happened to me on that day alone. The last 4 years have been a hard journey of healing and growth, but through that healing and growth I have been able to create a life for myself that i’m proud of. So, if had to go back and do it all again, I’d still break that fucking coke pact.

anyways, music is how I cope with things, so this is a playlist of all the songs I listened to that helped me get through this. the link is here. except for one song that isn’t on spotify, so i’m gonna include it here for fun:

*i know I have younger followers so if you’re under 18 and reading this 1. it’s overrated and if you have ADHD like I do you won’t feel anything and 2. if you dabble in substances be safe, be smart, know what to do if shit goes wrong, and please wait until you’re 18 at least.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this week (Year 4, first week!)

How shall I open 2024 [since 'The Zone of Interest' is not streaming yet]?

It has to be something special; A re-watch of René Laloux's psychedelic allegory Fantastic Planet?

Mysterious mythology, straight out of the pages of The Voynich manuscript [and which directly inspired the Codex Seraphinianus, another unfathomable world-building vision]. The suffering humans, used as pets by the giant blue "Draags", spiritually advanced, and still cruel to their tiny Oms ("hommes"). Excellent!'

Edit on 1/21/24: I found the SQEALER clip I used to love so much 20 years ago!

🍿  

"This is where we ended up".

Re-watching one of my favorite 2023 stories, the miraculous, fateful Past Lives. A loss of first love, innocence. With a moody, excellent score. Greta Lee is such a babe, and producer Christine Vachon, wow. (Photo Above).

10/10. I can't wait for Celine Song's upcoming second feature, 'The materialists'.

(*Woman Director)

🍿  

2 more by Danish director Nicolaj Arcel:

🍿 The promised land, called 'Bastarden' in Danish, an epic historical drama, the latest script from Anders Thomas Jensen. Mads Mikkelsen is phenomenal as he plays a similar personality to the one he did in 'Riders of Justice'; laconic, broken and impatiently resolute - but 300 years earlier. A brutal 'western' fought in Jutland's vast emptiness. I didn't know about the history of the Swedish Romanis. Savage and sentimental! 9/10.

🍿[For the first time in my life, I listened to Margrethe II, the Danish Queen, give her New Year's speech (in which she also abdicated her throne). I loved it; So humane, so down-to-earth.]

What I didn't love is Nicolaj Arcel's earlier A royal affair, a dull and conventional costume drama about an earlier queen. It was beautifully filmed, it had Mads Mikkelsen dancing in it, and a mad king who suffered from excessive onanism. But these are all the positives I could find. 2/10.

Apparently, the predictably-told story is based on interesting chapter from 18 century Danish history.

🍿  

"Garbo Talks!" and the first thing she said was "Gimme a whisky, ginger ale on the side, and don't be stingy, baby!". In Anna Christie, her first 'Talkie', she played a "woman with a past". M'eh.

🍿  

Hundreds of beavers, a bizarro freezing-cold Wisconsin indie, due to open on January 26. A drunk fur-trapper in the 19 century is tasked with killing scores of beavers so that a tobacco-spitting fur merchant will grant him his daughter's hand in marriage. Weird, wordless, black-and-white, live action Road Runner / Looney Tunes / Max Fleischer cartoons-style mayhem. The credits starts at 33:00. The whole thing is too weird. Reminds me of the book 'Millions of cats' [which incidentally was released to the public domain on the exact same day I thought of it!].

5/10 from me, mostly for innovation.

🍿  

"When the child was a child it walked with its arms swinging, wanted the brook to be a river, the river to be a torrent, and this puddle to be the sea. When the child was a child, it didn’t know that it was a child, to it, everything had a soul, and all souls were one."

First watch: Wim Wenders' poetic art house fantasy Wings of desire. I know it's considered an 'Angle-on-earth' spiritual masterpiece, and I imagine that younger-me would have find it uplifting. 1987 Berlin looked grim and lonely indeed. 4/10.

🍿  

Re-watch: The tense Emily The Criminal. A despairing Neo-realist indictment that pivots into a white-knuckled crime thriller. Without a single note of preachy commentary, it exposes millennials prospects like a de Sica. I don't recall any recent movie that described Arab-American sub-culture so guilelessly. 8/10.

🍿  

The private life of a cat, another short from experimental LA filmmaker Maya Deren. Basically it's a 'Cat Video' from 1946 (which begs the question 'What caused the first person to say, Let's make a movie about the cat because she's so cute?')

(*Woman Director)

🍿  

3 silent film classics:

🍿Buster Keaton's amusing Neighbors, a 1920 two-reel'er, a riff on Romeo and Juliet.

🍿 20 minutes of love (1914) is Charlie Chaplin's first landmark film as director. Simple slapstick, in what looks like Fairmont Park in Riverside, CA.

🍿 Should Married Men Go Home, the first pairing of Laurel & Hardy, my least favorite of the famous old silent film comedians.

🍿  

Early middling shorts by 2 Canadian directors:

🍿 (From a Letterbox list of 'Early Short Films That Launched Major Directors', which I'm going to tear through one day.)

"Well, you picked a great time to be trans!..."

We Forgot to Break Up has an unusual proposition (A former rock musician reintroducing himself to his ex-bandmates for the first time since abandoning the band and coming out as a trans man), but there's not much more there besides that outline.

(*Woman Director)

🍿 Void, The first film-school-style short by Emma Seligman (who followed it up with the much better 'Shiva baby'). A young woman likes to masturbate, smoke weed and fantasize about a boy. But then who doesn't?

(*Woman Director)

🍿  

A YouTuber named “Ryan Randomness” built a rail car and traveled on abandoned train tracks in the deserts of Southern California. Extremely enjoyable! It made me sad that I didn’t hike more during the years that I lived there.

🍿  

Throw-back to the "Art project”:  

Millions of Cats Adora.

Exploring Southern California With Adora.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[melting-sugar-cubes]

Thanks for answering my ask, if you don't mind me asking (again), what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....

Of course~💕 And again, I don't mind at all~ I apologize again tho that's it's taken me so long to answer this-- ; w ;" But-- onto the answers~

Although, I will go ahead and admit that about half are carry overs from my fav character list lol

1} Howl’s Moving Castle

While this list is in no particular order, this movie was still the first thing that to came, so for that it earns the first spot-- Now, as for why I love it... Aside from some part of my younger brain latching onto Howl as an anime crush all those years ago lol-- I think some of the main reasons I love it are the characters in general, the story/journey of it all, and the fact that even though I've seen it a good few times now-- it's one of those movies that's never failed to make me smile. 100% a huge comfort movie for me, and one that I'll probably never get tired of rewatching every now and again~.

2} Therapy Game

Switching gears a little with this and the next couple spots, but-- Ho boy-- I couldn't not mention this series again as well. Because honestly, I kind of feel like it might be "that one thing" for me-- like... the one that somehow alters your brain just a lil by experiencing it?? And for why I love it... Honestly, I can't even deny or downplay the fact that Minato is a huge part of it-- Probably because I've felt like I can relate to him a fair few times over the course of the story... But also because watching him grow has somehow become this really big thing to me?? Like-- just seeing the ways he's improving himself as a person and partner with Shizuma by his side... it makes me feel so many things, good lord--

Another part of it tho, is the fact that I very much love how Hinohara-sensei is telling their story-- as even if it's coming from a life perspective I myself can't really know first hand-- a lot of the time, it still feels very relatable to me. Like-- I guess I mean that I enjoy how grounded things feel a lot of the time?? Plus, these are more factors related to recent chapter releases, but-- Curiosity is also a big driving force for my enjoyment here. Be it from getting to learn more about Minato and Itsuki's past-- Or, from slowly gaining more hints and just what the deal is with Onodera.

3} Are You Alice?

This plus the remaining list spots will probably come out to less gushing than the above lol, but-- I'd say I love AYA, once again for the characters-- but also, because I find the setting/premise to be interesting as well. I mean, I've always been kind of a sucker for Alice in Wonderland stuff, since watching the Disney movie ages ago-- But, getting this twist of a now crumbling Wonderland, built from "scrap paper"-- where most everything has some sort of dangerous edge to it... and where many character's motivations aren't what they first seem-- It all just makes for something very interesting it me.

4} Dictatorial Grimoire

Although I do feel like this manga has it's short comings, like the major one in that I feel it should've been at least a couple chapters longer-- This is another story I adore for the fact that it takes source material, and twists it into something unexpected. Be that from the Marchen demons themselves, or even the fact that Cinderella turns out to not quite be who we thought him to be for most of the story-- This series tho, it very much earns it's own bonus points for the light tone things take a decent about of the time-- as even with reading over the series a few times by now, I still enjoy and can giggle over a lot of the humor lol.

5} Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler

First major note about this inclusion, is that this series has earned it's place mainly thanks to the anime-- as, while I was once reading the manga, that's something I dropped off from and have yet to pick back up. But also-- while I won't even lie that Sebastian is a major reason for my love of this series, I also adore a chunk of the other cast as well. Namely Grell, Finny, and Pluto to name just a few lol. (which, it will forever sadden me that Pluto is only canon to the anime--) I also adore the theme songs for many points of this series, mainly the OPs-- but a few of the endings I've listened to and enjoyed as well. (i even rather liked season 2-- for as much a train wreck, and non-canon disaster as it is--)

6} Coraline

Circling back around to movies now lol-- Coraline is one of those movies I enjoy for the fact that it's just a lil bit fucked up lmao-- of course, my love for stop-motion style movies/animation totally plays a big role here too. But still-- While visuals are a big reason I love this movie, I still enjoy the experience of it as a whole too~.

7} The Nightmare Before Christmas

Yet another movie I can file into the box of not being tired of, despite having seen it a few times by now lol-- With how much I've come to love Halloween, it's probably no surprise that I'd love this movie too, but-- A main point that's always stuck out to me with this one, is how much I enjoy the music. Sure, I may not go out of my way a lot of the time to listen to the songs on their own-- But, I'll damn well sing/hum the main theme whenever it gets played lmao.

8} Puff the Magic Dragon [1978 tv special]

And finally, this one was something of a surprise entry, even to me lol-- But, I thought about this special again earlier, and just knew I had to include it too. This one is a major blast from my childhood, as I used to rent it all the time... In fact, I rented it so much, that once our local video rental place was closing down-- I actually ended up with the tape, after they offered to let my mom buy/take it lol. And while I know a big part of why kid me enjoyed this was for the songs... As a kid who was almost pretty cripplingly shy most of the time, I think on some level I could relate with Jackie-- and while I might not have really had someone like Puff to help me through that time... Being able to get at least a taste of that via this lil cartoon-- Well, maybe that helped me a lot more than I realized at the time.

{Honorable Mention}

Project Diva

i'm putting this as an honorable mention, since games weren't exactly mentioned in the initial ask-- but also because i honestly haven't got very much to say about this one-- Vocaloid music has been a love of mine for a good few years now (so much so, that i've even thought about attempting to join in the hobby myself--) so enjoying a rhythm game based around that is probably not a shocker, but-- A big part of why I love this game series, aside from that, is the the fact that it serves as a big de-stress thing for me-- something I can do without thinking about it too much, and just kinda letting my brain quiet down for a while.

Food Fantasy

One more honorable game mention-- because even though I've fallen out of playing this one, Food Fan was still a lowkey obsessions of mine there for a while (as some might guess by this blog's "mascot" lol). And while I dunno if I could get back into it now-- I'll still always love plenty of the characters I know of, and was able to obtain there. Not only thanks to their designs, but also for those I got to spend time with-- and, as silly as this sounds, bond with in a way.

[zeltqz]

HARD TO GET [20]

ran haitani has a reputation to uphold. yet it all comes crumbling down when his newest target has no interest in playing his little game. he’s now determined to add your heart to his collection — he is down to do anything.

pairings: ran haitani x f!reader

word count: 4.7k

notes: P.S this is the final chapter by the way. it's also the so called happy ending.

series masterlist

7 YEARS LATER

"Stressful day?" The bartender asks the moment she sees you slip through those doors. You nod and take a seat in front of her, watching her do her job. This is your favourite club to go to. It's near your house and the workers are so friendly. Emi recommended it to you when she started working here 2 years ago. She left the job though because she got hired somewhere else in a corporation.

You still attend here though, whenever you're feeling sad, mad, stressed or just bored.

"I got fired." You sigh. "It's so stupid. Guess why?"

"Why?" She asks as she mixes your drink together. You didn't even have to give her your order. She knew it off by heart, it was pratically muscle memory already.

"My boss— well ex boss, told me that I didn't live up to the company's expectations. Which is total bullshit. He’s just mad that I didn’t want to sleep with him.”

"Well, you should've let him hit." She laughs and hands you your drink.

"No. Ew." You grab a straw and stuff it inside your drink and begin taking small sips from it. Not wanting to get too drunk so fast.

"Are you still hung up over that dude, from college. You told me about him, few months back but I forgot his name. Beings with an R...."

"No." You say quickly. It's true, you're not. You moved on. Ran was a douche, his friends were also douches. You knew better than to fall for his tricks again. "I don't care about that pig."

"Ran! That was his name." She begins laughing and you scowl at her. "Okay, stop staring at me like that. I just have 1 question."

"If it's about him then no."

"It's not."

You take a moment then allow her to proceed with her question. "When was the last hookup you had?" You choke on your drink, lips pulling the straw from your mouth as you start coughing.

"What sort of question is that?"

She shrugs. "Just wanna test something."

Once you're done with your coughing fit, you take a moment to actually remember the last time you had sex. It's been a while. "I... can't remember."

"So you are still hung up on him!" She cheers and you shake your head.

"No! I am not. I just have better things to do." You say half heartedly. The real reason was because..... it felt horrible. You had around maybe 3-4 hookups over the last 5 years and each one felt bad.

When you consulted in Kaash for advice, she told you that men just sucked at sex and only fucked for their own benefit. Which wasn't a total lie. But then over time, as the sex got progressively worse, you assumed that you were the problem.

So you just stopped having it overall. It had been a couple years since you actually had sex after your realisation, but you weren't even complaining.

"Better things to do like what? You're currently jobless. You should just find some rich dude and use him for his money." She insists and first you think it through, then realise that will never happen to you.

"This isn't a movie. C'mon."

She shrugs. "Well, I'm saying there's a few good looking people in this club. You should find one."

You turn around, eyeing the men inside the club. There was some good looking people. Some looked a bit too old for your taste, some looked too young for your tastes. Some looked perfect, but they already had women by their side.

You shake your head and turn back to your drink. "I'll go home lonely tonight. It's fine."

She pouts at your words, only wanting the best for you. But decides to drop it anyway. She turns around to grab some wipes and wipe the surface down. The club doors open and a group of men walk inside. You don't look, but you can hear the bunch of women screaming for the nameless men.

You roll your eyes and place your elbow on the table, chin in palm as you twirl your straw around in your drink. You were so bored. You didn't feel like going home either.

The screams are getting even louder and it's starting to irritate you. Even though you're half way across the club from the entrance, you can see a group 6 men and a crowd of women surrounding them. You can't see them well but you just shrug it off, turning back to your drink ready to ignore.

The bartender looks over at the door, smiling to herself. "Oh, they're back tonight."

You look up from your drink. "Who is?"

"Those men. I don't know them personally but I they come in like once every few weeks. You see the pink haired guy?" She leans in closer to your ear as she points at the dude. You can't see his face because his back is towards you, all you can see is pink hair. Your mind flashes back to college, Haruchiyo's face pops up in your head. Not since then have you ever met someone with pink hair just roaming around.

"The pink dude comes in and orders like 4 strippers at once. It's crazy. He has his own section over there." You follow her finger as she points upstairs, the third floor. People like you were only allowed on the first floor, because it's what you could afford.

If you had connections, or it was your birthday, they allowed you to use the second floor, which was more spacious. The third floor, you heard was only for super important people. That or they were just rich enough to use it.

"Wow. Third floor? Must be loaded." You say, eyes trailing back to the pink haired.

"Yeah, I know right? He mistaken me for a stripper like 2 times. It was embarassing but he paid me for it. He's oddly sweet."

"Huh." Your gaze travels to the rest of the group. They all look rich and expensive. From what you can see of them at least. Their backs were still facing you.

"One of them is coming here, I'll be right back." She says and heads over to the other end of the counter. "Sir, I'll send a waitress over to the third floor for you."

The man nods his head and turns around. The two of you make vague eye contact before you quickly look away, back to your straw. From what you could see from the 0.01 second eye contact, the man was hot. He had short purple hair with black streaks and a few black peircings in his ear.

You try to focus on sipping your drink, but fail when you can feel his gaze on you. How long is this guy going to stare at me.... You think, feeling very awkward as if your every move is being examined thoroughly.

The stool next to you gets pulled open, the loud scrape from the floor makes your skin itch. He plops himself down next to you, chin in his palm as he examines your face.

You blink a couple seconds, then pull the straw from your lips. "Can I help you, Sir?"

"You look... familiar. It's weird." He says, voice deep and low as his eyes narrow while scanning your face.

"I have never seen you before in my life." You say, not even lying. You genuinely have no clue who this gentleman is. And he's apparently loaded since he's allowed in the 3rd floor. You've never met any rich people before in your life so.

The second Ran made eye contact with you, something inside him told him to approach you. He's not even sure himself, but he always listens to that voice inside him. Just as soon as he was about to get up and leave you alone, the bartender calls out your name.

"Y/N, I'm back, sorry to keep you waiting."

"It's alright." You face away from the rich man and back to her, giving her a sincere smile.

Ran's eyes widened. But he didn't show it of course. He was a master at hiding his emotions. He hasn't seen you in a good 7 years before he dropped out of school mid year along with Rindou and Sanzu.

What on earth were you doing in a club? It blows his mind. The Y/N from years ago wouldn't even step foot in a place like this unless your friends forced you too. Ran looks around, but there's no sign of your friends anywhere. So, you willingly came here? He thinks.

"Oh, Sir. You're allowed on the third floor now. It's open." The bartender said to Ran. You turned back to face him, remembering he was still there. Ran makes eye contact with you, smiling at the way your eyes dart around to look anywhere but in his eyes. You were still the same old cute Y/N from years ago deep down.

"Alright." Ran says, not standing up from the chair though. You look at him confused. You were the only person sitting here aside from him. Was he here for you?

"She said your floor was ready." You repeat, just in case he missed her words.

"I'm aware. I want to stay here. Get to know you." Ran shifts closer and you blink for a couple seconds.

"Okay... what do you want to know?"

"How old are you?" 25. Ran thinks.

"I'm 25. You?"

I knew it. He's smirking to himself. You seriously can't tell who he is? Is it the hair? He thinks he sounds the exact same, sure his looks has changed a bit, but so has yours, yet he was able to deduce you so quickly. Either you were just stupid or the alcohol you were having was getting to you.

"26."

You nod. "Cool." Then take another sip of your straw. This is so awkward you think. You still suck at making conversation, despite all these years.

"You single?" He asks, testing the waters.

You eye him skepitcally, "What's it to you?" You have no clue what this mans intentions are, but it can't be good. Because one, he's hot. Probably full of himself. Two, he's rich. Probably looking for a sugar baby or something. Your mind fills with all these dramatic conclusions.

"Cause you're too pretty to be sitting here alone. You get stood up or what?"

You look back at your glass, for some reason, you just can't maintain eye contact with this guy. Shaking your head as a response. "No, I didn't get stood up. I am single."

Good. Ran watches as you finish your drink, hands rubbing against your eyes, then checking your watch. "Are you leaving?" Ran asks, placing a hand on your wrist to stop you from going.

"Yeah, it's like 11."

"So?" Ran gestures for the bartender to make you another drink but you shake your head.

"No. It's fine. I don't want to drink anymore. I have to drive home."

"Then water." Ran suggests and when he sees the undecided look on your face, he gently pushes you back down to your seat. "Please? I want to get to know you."

You raise your brow, then finally cave in. "You're paying though."

"It's water." Ran laughs, "of course I'll pay."

"So you just wanted to flex on me?" You say, hand grabbing the water that was placed down in front of you.

"There's a lot I want to do on you."

You inhale sharply, watching how his eyes travel up and down your body, then back to your face as if he wasn't shamelessly checking you out in public. It's been so long since you did anything explicit with anybody, that your body immediately reacted to his words. Thighs rubbing together to try and reduce the ache in your legs.

Ran noticed and places his big hand on the skin of your thigh. You stop your movements, looking down at the hand on your thigh. "Sir?-"

"Hm?" Ran tilts his head, fingers sliding down, spreading your thighs apart. "What's wrong doll?"

You make eye contact with the bartender who winks at you and then tilts her head over to the bathroom. You knew what she's insinuating. Fuck it. You'll never see this man again in your life.

You slide off your stool and walk over between his legs, placing your hands on his shoulders. Ran's eyes go wide for a second, not expecting you to be the one to initiate anything. "Do you want to go somewhere to be alone?" You ask, pressing your thumbs into his shirt, rubbing circles as you stare into his eyes.

"Fuck, yeah. Let's go." Ran says, standing up tall. Your hands drop from his shoulders and admire how tall he actually is. His hands slip into yours and squeezes lightly to snap you out of your momentarily gaze.

You follow him up the stairs leading to the third floor, then into one of the bathrooms. The moment you get inside, Ran pushes you agaisnt the sink, hands trailing down your skin. "H-hurry up." You say, wanting to get over this fast. It's not like sex felt good for you anyway.

"I want to take my time." Ran says, lifting your dress up and over, exposing your bare ass. Ran grips it with his hand, squeezing the flesh hard enough to make you wince.

"I don't have all day." You say, trying to sound a bit annoyed but your voice comes out whiny as you make eye contact in the bathroom mirror. Ran grip on your hip tightens and he leans forward, his chest touching your back and his erection rubbing hard against your ass.

"You don't have all day? You got someone waiting for you?" He asks, voice hot in your ear making you flinch a little bit. Ran's grip tightens even more, enough to leave red marks on your skin as he waits for you to answer the question.

You shake your head, looking straight down, not able to look up and make eye contact with this man. Why was it so hard? You wince when he grabs a bundle of your hair, pulling your head back so he can see your face fully. "Use your words."

"No, I don't have anyone waiting for me." You say softly, staring into his purple eyes. That should have been the dead giveaway for you. Sober you would have instantly recogonised him just from the eyes alone. It's not everyday you meet someone with eyes like his. But sadly, sober you was long gone and would return hours later. You just knew you found his man smoking hot, and your body needed him.

Ran leans down and kisses your forehead. An oddly sweet gesture for a simple hookup, you think. But don't decline it either way. He places his hand on your back and bends you over the sink, hooking a finger underneath your panties and pulling down. You watch from the mirror as he starts to unzip his pants and pulls his cock out.

You can barely see it at first, because of the angle you're bent over at. But the second he starts to push inside you, you can feel every inch of him. Making you cry out and grab onto the edge of the sink for some sort of leverage. It was slippery, but you managed to grip tight enough. "Oh-oh my god." You moan out when he places both of your hands on your hips, holding you in place as he begins to thrust inside you.

"F-fuck you're still so tight." Ran moans slightly, sweat already forming on his forehead as he fucks you. Once again, his words should have been the dead give away for you, but you're not focusing on anything he's saying. In fact, it's hard to focus on anything with his size splitting you open.

You're mumbling something as your body gets pushed forward with every thrust he's giving you. Your teeth closing in on your bottom lip as he drags you by the hair, pulling you up to his chest. Your walls clench around him seeing the sight of the two of your in the mirror. Ran dips his head down to your neck, littering your skin with kisses and bites to prove he's yours even after all this time.

He knows he has no right. None whatsoever. He's the one that stopped talking to you. He's the one that left out of nowhere, leaving you with no explanation. But he just can't help himself. He's going to make it up to you. But he had to get a feel of you first. "How's that feel? Hm?" He whispers in your ear, fingers slipping between your legs and rubs your clit with his index and middle finger. "Ever been fucked this good before?"

You shake your head, "No, ne-never." It wasn't a lie either. Probably the first time in years where a man actually considered your pleasure as well as his own. Your mind does flashback to your first time with the man that shall not be named. But you didn't want to bring that up right now -- feeling it's not really appropriate.

Ran stills for a moment to pull out. A noise is disapproval slips from your lips as he pulls out. The next thing you know, you're being spun around to face the beautiful man. His hands slip beneath your ass and lifts you up onto the sink.

You raise your brow at the new position, watching him grab just above your ankle and spread your left leg further away from your right. You have to place your hands behind you for balance. Ran holds the base of his cock before re-inserting himself inside you.

Balancing yourself on one hand this time, you use the other to pull him closer by his shoulders. His hips snapped into yours, leaving absolutely 0 space between the two of you. The position had him filling deeper inside you, noises you didn't even know you could make escaped you as he pressed his forehead against yours, looking down to where the two of you are connected. "Shit." He cusses when he feels your nails dig past the fabric of his shirt and into his skin, leaving cresent shaped marks as you felt your orgasm approaching.

"Oh, my god-- sh-shit fuck fuck, yes, please don't stop, I'm so close. Please, please please-" You begged and begged and begged, chanting please as you felt yourself reaching your limit. One more brutal snap of his hips hit directly against your spot, causing you to lose balance. The hand that was holding you up instantly flew to the man's neck, pulling yourself up now using his upper body for balance.

Your hips twitched and convulsed, body feeling as if you had just gotten several electric shocks as you creamed on his length, whispering curse words into his ear as you rode out your orgasm. "Fuck." The man breathes out against the skin of your neck, feeling your walls milk his cock, he cums inside you. His teeth sinking into your skin as he bucks his hips a couple times, just to make sure his cum is deep inside of you.

Your fingers start to play with the strands of his hair near the back of his head as he recovers from his own orgasm. The feeling of his cum soaking your walls made your heart flutter for some odd reason. Then coming to realisation that this is a stranger. A complete and total stranger.

When the so-called stranger finally does pull away, his cock had already softened inside you. He tucks himself back into his pants all the while making eye contact with you. Your eyes are droopy and there's sweat formed on your forehead. "Come here." Ran says, tugging your legs down from the sink top so he could stand between them. He presses a series of kisses on your lips before gripping onto your cheeks, squishing them in his hands. "Still so cute."

You're too exhausted to push him away, so you just allow him to fondle your face. Hands raising weakly to push him away, but fail when he grabs onto both of your wrists and places them back down to your lap.

"How was it?" Ran asks after a short moment. He already knows your answer, but in order for his ego to reach his peak -- the words have to come out of your mouth.

"Amazing." Your hand wipes away the line of sweat from your forehead.

"Are you drunk?" He asks, geniunely wondering if you're not in the right state of mind to recognise who he is, or if you know but you just don't care. Or if you're just stupid and can't recognise him.

You shake your head. "No, but I am sleepy."

Ran nods his head. So you're stupid. "You don't remember me. Y/N."

The way he says your name makes you blink for a moment, the sleep taking over until-- wait, he just said your name. You look up at him, any signs of sleep now long gone as you stare into his eyes. Those fucking eyes. It hits you now.

"Ran?"

He simply laughs, head dropping down as the realisation hits you so fucking late. "Took you long enough."

"Wh-what-wh- how?" You stammer on your words. So many questions forming in your mind, but yet you can't form a simple sentence.

"I was shocked at first, cause the Y/N I know doesn't go partying for one. And she would never hook up with a random dude she just met." Ran's hands find themselves on your hips, keeping you locked on the sink before you could run off. Not like you could anyways with that ache between your legs.

"I don't hook up with random guys." You admit, then wondering why the fuck you just hooked up with Ran before even knowing he was Ran.

"Your body couldn't resist me." That fuckin' grin is back on his face. One that has your blood boiling. "It's okay though," he leans down to your ear, "I couldn't resist you too." He admits then places kisses along your earlobe, making your body shudder. The kisses then travel downwards to your jawline, his lips passionately making out with your skin.

You want to yank him off. Scream at him for everything he did to you. This is the man that just took your v-card, then leaves with no explaination. You should be mad. But you find yourself closing your eyes, lips parted as he marks you. Fingers tugging at his hair to bring him even closer to you.

It's not him. You think. It's the way he makes you feel.

If that's what helps you sleep at night.

"Ran- stop." You finally say the words and he turns his head to look at you. His eyes scanning your face for any sort of discomfort. "We shouldn't be doing this."

"Says who?" Ran has his nose against yours, tilting his head to the side so he could slot his lips right against yours. But before he could, you raise your hand, using it as a barrier between the both of you.

"You really hurt me Ran." Your voice cracks and you immediately look down, not wanting him to see you cry. You thought you had gotten over him. You had well convinced yourself you had. But him right now, giving you the same attention and kisses he did back then, it's like all those memories came flooding back. And it was too much for you to handle.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I really am." Ran says, lifting your hand up to his lips, pressing kisses along your skin to soothe you. It works, but not enough for you to forgive him. "I-- I was stupid back then. Still am now, but--" Ran pauses, not sure how to explain his dumb actions. "I wasn't using you. The feelings I felt.. they were real. Too real. And I just got scared. I don't like being attached to people that aren't family. I didn't want to lose you, so I pushed you away before you could push me away. It's selfish I know. But-"

You look up when you see him lace your fingers together with his own. His large, longer fingers wrapping around your smaller ones. "I'll do anything to make it up to you. Anything Y/N. I mean it."

"I'll think about it." You say. You think it's the perfect answer. It's not a solid yes I forgive you. But it's not a solid no I hate you. Truth to be told, you didn't know what you felt right now. You had every right to hate him and be angry at him. Yet you just couldn't hate him.

Yes you were still angry. But hate? You couldn't. Ever.

Ran pulls his phone out from his pocket, and you watch him unlock it. You can't tell what he's doing exactly, but from the reflection in his eyes, he's swiping to what seems like messages.

He hands the phone to you, and the phone is on a fresh contact. "I didn't know if you switched your number. Please?" You assume he's asking you to please put your number in.

You look up, seeing all signs of playfulness wiped clean from his face. He was being 100% serious now. You hold his phone in your hand and start to input your number. Ran smiles as he sees you co-operating and not screaming at him to leave your life again. This is showing him that you're willing to restart. He knows it will take time, but he doesn't care. He wants to make up the 7 years.

He's going to make up for those 7 years.

You swipe from the contacts, heading to messages to send yourself a text. But you also use this oppurtunity to look at his recent messages. For no reason. Just nosiness. You think. Definetly not because you want to check he hasn't been texting other girls.

Ran can see what you're doing, but stays silent to allow you the satisfication of thinking you're slick with your actions. After a while of scrolling, a slight giggle leaves his mouth. "There's no other girls Y/N."

You swipe off of messages app and close his phone. "I don't know what you're talking about." You play dumb, already embarassed that he caught you trying to be nosy.

"Yeah? So you weren't just looking through my phone just now?" Ran asks, gently taking his phone back and placing it back into his pocket. You shake your head, then slide off the sink. Knees wobbling almost immediately but you catch yourself before you could further embarrass yourself.

You start to redress yourself in the mirror. Adjusting your dress from it's hiked position back to normal. Leaning in closer to the mirror to examine all the marks he left on your skin. Ran wraps his arms around your sides, bending down so he could rest his chin on your shoulder. "Let me take you out. On a date. Wherever you want. As long as it's not a library or something."

"Hey! I'm not some geek." You frown and Ran laughs, tilting his head so his cheek rests on your shoulder. You also turn your head slightly to make eye contact.

"You used to be. It's cute though." Ran says, a genuine smile has graced his features. One that you've only seen a few times before. You turn back to the mirror, unable to look in the eyes of such sincerity. You make eye contact with him through the mirror, thankful that his big grip on your body was keeping you upright because you're for sure you would have fainted by now.

"Is that a yes?" Ran asks again, making sure he has your date secured in his books so he can clear out his entire schedule just to make time for you.

"I'll think about it."

If you and wanna forgive Ran it’s up to youuu

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