#also like i've never been to church but there's a cross on the doorway to my parents bedroom.

[screechingsandwichhologram]

it's that time of year again,,, christmas discourse

[daresplaining]

Daredevil vol. 6 Annual #1 by Chip Zdarsky, Manuel Garcia, Chris Mooneyham, Rachelle Rosenberg, Le Beau Underwood, and Clayton Cowles

There's a part of me that says I should conserve the few Mike Murdock scenes that I haven't analyzed yet, because who knows when (or if...) we will get more? But it's also nuts to me that four years have gone by and I haven't posted about this scene yet, so screw it, I'm gonna talk about it now.

I've written a bit before about the way this issue emphasizes the concept of Mike barging into pre-existing spaces, observing things that had not been observed before by any pre-existing characters, and ultimately presenting a new path for readers to follow through Matt Murdock's life history. The creative team positions Mike not alongside his twin, but almost in opposition to him, through stark differences in their childhood experiences. Matt loved his father unconditionally, Mike's relationship with Jack was a bit more complicated. Matt tried to stay out of trouble in school, Mike beat up bullies without apology. And then we get this absolute bomb drop of a scene, in which Mike is present where no one was supposed to be, and as a result, is struck with a life-upending revelation that will not hit Matt until years later. This scene stunned me when I first read the issue, because no matter how much Real Boy Mike's story might have diverged from his brother's, I never expected him to have a different experience of this.

Daredevil vol. 1 #230 by Frank Miller, David Mazzucchelli, Christie "Max" Scheele, and Joe Rosen

In Daredevil volume 1 #230, Matt finds himself in a church basement being cared for by nuns after collapsing, near death, in the street. As he lies there, feverish and delirious, he eventually takes notice of a particular nun. Her presence, her smell, and the feel of the cross necklace she wears (which, as seen in the panels above, she ends up giving to Matt) conjure up a long-forgotten memory from the time of his accident. He recognizes this nun as a mysterious woman who visited him in the hospital, as he lay suffering from his newly acquired hypersenses.

Man Without Fear vol. 1 #1 by Frank Miller, John Romita Jr., Christie Scheele, Al Williamson, and Joe Rosen

It is an intimate moment, written almost like a dream; a calming presence in the middle of one of the most nightmarish experiences of his life. Adult Matt pieces together this sensory puzzle, the mystery of this nun, and eventually uncovers the truth: that she is his mother, who he had been raised to believe was dead. This revelation is the start of a long and winding journey through which Matt and Maggie carefully, nervously inch back into each other's lives and begin to build a relationship.

But in the 2020 Annual, this private little moment between Matt and the stranger he will one day come to know as his mother is private no more. It now has a witness, and we the readers have a new, messier perspective on this classic scene. Enter: the brother who wasn't supposed to be there.

In this new version of Daredevil history, Mike spends the night at the hospital, watching over Matt after Jack is forced to leave for work. As Daredevil fans, we have spent plenty of origin retellings and flashbacks inside that hospital room, but Mike stays on a bench out in the hallway, involved but still not fully immersed in what is happening-- an intruder, a spare (I love the detail that he and Matt are dressed exactly the same in this scene). Not once do we see Mike enter that room at any point. The closest he comes to it on-panel is standing uncomfortably in the doorway. And that is how he remains when Maggie arrives and makes her fateful visit: outside, unconnected. When Mike wakes up, she is already in the room with Matt. Maybe she took a moment, as she passed by, to reach out to her other son and he just wasn't awake to notice. We might never know, and neither will he. What matters is that Mike is forced to listen in, and by listening in, he reaches the same conclusion about Maggie that Matt won't until years later. And for Mike, it isn't a gentle, gradual, fever-softened understanding. It is a sudden, nightmarish jolt at the end of a long day filled with sudden, nightmarish jolts.

Mike bears this revelation alone and silently. He could have marched into that room and confronted Maggie. He could have gone in after she left, just to be closer to his brother in this moment of shock and uncertainty. Instead, he chooses to walk away. Later in the issue he reveals to Jack that he has found out the truth, but if the volume 1 continuity has remained intact, we can assume that he never tells Matt. Instead, he carries the burden of this secret knowledge himself, and allows his brother the freedom and peace of mind to not be hurt by the shattering of such a foundational lie.

[oops-all-concrete]

Xmen fans, I'm having The Thoughts™ and I'd like to share a small scene, written basically as a screenplay script (And this totally isn't from the Xmen fanfiction I need to write up and post one of these days)

Kurt, walking into the kitchen one evening to eat/talk with Logan: "Oh, good evening students! How go your studies?"

Jubilee, Bobbie, Kitty and Anole, looking at eachother.

Kitty: "All good, Mr.Wagner."

Kurt, wanting to be helpful: "Is there anything I can help with? Shakespeare is a hard study, I'd be happy to-"

Kitty, while Bobby, Anole, and Jubilee get up and start leaving: "That's quite alright, I think we're just going to take this to the library and study there. Goodnight!"

Kurt, in uncomfortable silence: "...That keeps happening"

Logan, not having looked up from his plate: "What, the kids taking a walk whenever you show up?"

Kurt, nodding: "I don't understand. I know I've not been teaching very long but, surely they will have adjusted to my face by now, yes?"

Logan: "Ain't the face, Blue."

Kurt, sitting: "Then what?"

Logan: "Jubilee's had their fair share of Jesus crazy Foster parents, Bobbie was born to some, then Kitty and Anole have their own stories too."

Kurt, looking down at his cross chain: "...Oh"

Logan, still not looking up: "Yeah"

Kurt: "...I'd never do that to them, surely they know that, yes?"

Logan, looking up finally: "Give em time. They just need a reason to believe that you're different"

Kurt, tucking his cross into his shirt and standing: "Then I will"

//Next evening//

Kitty, Bobby, Anole and Jubilee look up to the sound of knocking at the small library doorway:

Kurt, leaned in said doorway: "Forgive me, but might I have a word?"

Students, all nervous, nod:

Kurt, taking a seat on a nearby table and taking a breath: "I-"

Jubilee: "We're sorry, Mr.Wagner, about yesterday. Logan told us you seemed upset and we didnt mean to-"

Kurt: "Ah, that is unnecessary. I'd actually like to apologise to you, if I may?"

Students, looking at eachother, confused.

Kurt: "I've heard about your bad experiences with people of my faith, so I know your unease around me is well founded. I'm more upset knowing there are people out there who judge you. Not just as mutants but as people that are also different in other ways too."

A nervous pause.

Kurt, smiling: "I mean, the bible is pretty long, but with the ten commandments, basically footnotes for the whole thing, they've no excuse to judge, it literally says right there"

Kitty giggles, Bobby smiles.

Kurt: "The point of this is- while I can't erase that some people think of themselves like He who died on the cross, despite their sins and judging you, I can assure you that I will not be like them."

Another pause.

Kurt: "You are safe around me. Regardless of who you love or how you express your souls. The only people that are not safe around me, are people that threaten you. That includes people who share my faith. There is not a single teaching that could justify you being persecuted for something you did not choose."

Jubilee, Bobby, Anole and Kitty all fall quiet, looking at eachother.

Kurt stands and turns to the door, having said his piece: "Right, I shall leave you to study. Apologies again for-"

Kurt pauses, feeling arms around his waist.

Anole and Kitty, hugging Kurt: "Thank you"

Jubilee and Bobby get up too, joining the hug.

Kurt, smiling: "Mein Gott, the bar really is in Hell for us isn't it? All I said was you won't be hate crimed in my presence"

Cut to Logan standing outside the door, hearing the quiet laughs of the students, smiling, before walking away. Kurt leaves eventually, closing the door behind himself, seeming a little misty in the eyes. He looks down to where is cross is still tucked away before pulling it out and letting it rest above his shirt proudly once again.

//Scene//

(I will write this in its entirety, I promise)

Being a fruity gentleman with a long history of bad experiences with the Catholic Church and catholics as a whole (I bare no ill will to the community) I struggle to feel safe among believers in God (Christians and Catholics specifically) and I've got plenty of friends in my generation who feel the same. And I was just thinking how Kurt would respond to that in the students at the Xaviers school.

[enmstorytime]

An ENM Twist on Heretic

The storm had driven Elder Barnes and Elder Paxton, two young Mormon missionaries to accept Mr. Reed's invitation into his home. The conversation started normal enough, for a couple of Mormon missionaries. Mr. Reed had heard of Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, all the important parts of Elder Barnes's and Elder Paxton's message. He even gave answers that made Elder Barnes and Elder Paxton believe that they might have found someone actually interested in their message.

"I've also seen a video of your temple ceremony," Mr. Reed said, putting Elder Barnes and Elder Paxton on edge.

The rituals and ordinances that happen in Mormon temples are difficult to explain, but both missionaries had gone through those rituals and ordinances before starting their two years of missionary service. It was in the temple where they each were gifted the garments, sacred white underwear that covered each of them under their white shirts, ties, and slacks from their neck to their knees and down to mid bicep on their arms. Historically, at the moment in the ordinances when Elder Barnes and Elder Paxton received their garments, men were stripped naked, and given a white poncho that they wore while the Elders in the temple touched and blessed various parts of their bodies. But the nudity requirement had been changed nearly thirty years ago, and in Elder Barnes's and Elder Paxton's experience, they had worn their white garments under the white poncho, and all blessings of various body parts were delivered by the temple Elders placing their hands on Elder Barnes and Elder Paxton's heads.

"Have you boys been through the temple?" Mr. Reed asked.

"We have," Elder Paxton replied, the older of the two missionaries, and the one more comfortable handling the more difficult questions. "But we never talk about the temple. It's something sacred."

"Is it true that you covenanted to give everything you own to the Mormon church?" Mr. Reed asked.

"Like Elder Paxton said," Elder Barnes, the more physically fit companion replied. "We don't talk about the temple outside of the temple."

Mr. Reed's face darkened for a second, but smoothed over quickly, and Elder Paxton and Elder Barnes silently reassured themselves that they had imagined something.

"I have something in my study, I'd like to show you," Mr. Reed said, standing, and waving for the two young men to follow him.

Elder Paxton and Elder Barnes exchanged a look. Something felt off about Mr. Reed. His house smelled like leather and wood, he kept looking their bodies up and down, and there was that brief second of anger.

"You'll catch hypothermia if you go out in that storm," Mr. Reed said, standing at the doorway to his study watching the missionaries. "And then you'll have to strip off all your clothes and climb in bed together."

He laughed, and the two missionaries decided that was their cue to leave.

"It's been good meeting you, Mr. Reed," Elder Paxton said, he and Elder Barnes both standing. "But we have another meeting we have to get to."

"Oh no," Mr. Reed said, a nasty smile playing at his lips. "You can't leave. The front door is locked from the outside, and I won't let you leave until I show you what I need to show you."

Elder Barnes walked to the front door, and tried to turn the knob. It wouldn't budge.

"You need to let us out," Elder Barnes said, his voice tense. "We need to be at our meeting."

"I won't let you out until you see what I have to show you," Mr. Reed said, turning and walking into his study, leaving the two missionaries alone together in the front room.

"We're not going into his study, right?" Elder Barnes whispered to Elder Paxton.

"I don't know that we have another choice," Elder Paxton said, shrugging. "But God is with us, and there's nothing he could do to overpower both of us, if anything gets weird."

They followed Mr. Reed into his study. On the desk in the center of the room was a candle. The label depicted a naked man tied to a cross, with an erect penis reaching to his pecks. Under the naked man was the word, submission. Elder Barnes quickly looked up at the ceiling, then around at anything else in the room, but Elder Paxton's eyes lingered on the candle for a moment too long. Mr. Reed watched them both.

"You two aren't used to seeing the male body, are you?" Mr. Reed asked.

"I shower every day," Elder Paxton said, tearing his eyes away from the candle. "I know what a male body looks like."

"You know what one male body looks like." Mr. Reed asked. "What about other men's bodies?"

"That's all that God needs us to know," Elder Barnes said.

"That's the thing about these religions," Mr. Reed said. "They have absolute control over their followers' sexuality, and then never do anything fun with it."

"Is the candle what you brought us in here to see?" Elder Paxton asked, his eyes darting back to the naked man with the giant penis on the label. "If it is, we've seen it. Let us go."

"It's not the candle," Mr. Reed said. "Although the candle ties into what I want you to see."

"Then just show us what you want us to see," Elder Barnes said, anger flaring in him.

It would be against mission rules to attack this man. Elder Barnes was doing everything he could to keep himself calm.

"The Mormon church, and all churches, really, exist to control the people." Mr. Reed said. "It's obvious that you," he pointed to Elder Paxton "wish you could have a little more time with my candle. Maybe you even wish you could get one of your own."

"I don't," Elder Paxton said, blushing and quickly looking away from the candle again.

"It's okay," Mr. Reed said.

"It's not, though," Elder Barnes replied. "And you need to leave my companion alone."

"And it's obvious to me," Mr. Reed said looking at Elder Barnes now. "That you feel some need to protect Elder Paxton, almost like you love him."

"I do love Elder Paxton," Elder Barnes replied, his face turning red. "He's like a brother to me."

"He's more than a brother, just like that candle is more than curiosity for him." Mr. Reed said. "The two of you spend every day together, all day. You sleep in the same room. You share your meals. You never leave your home without one another. And yet you've never seen each other naked."

"Of course we haven't," both missionaries replied too quickly.

"And that is the control of the Mormon Church." Mr. Reed said. "It's natural that two men in such close proximity would have some familiarity with one another's bodies, but I imagine, neither of you have seen what the other looks like under those sacred, magic underwear."

Elder Paxton and Elder Barnes looked at each other. Both noticed that the other had a hint of curiosity on their face, as their eyes traveled up and down the other's bodies.

"What I really want to show you is yourselves," Mr. Reed said, "Are you prepared to see?"

The two missionaries stood across from one another, and each of them felt an unfamiliar hunger growing inside of them. Elder Paxton had spent every morning eating breakfast in the kitchen feet away from the bathroom door, where he listened to the water running off of Elder Barnes's naked body in the shower. Hadn't there been mornings (really every morning), where he wished the door could be open, and he could watch Elder Barnes lather up under the hot steamy shower head. Elder Barnes had fallen asleep every night to the sounds of Elder Paxton's deep slow, steady breath. He always finished nightly prayers before Elder Paxton, and would watch Elder Paxton kneeling beside his own bed, barefoot, in nothing but those tauntingly almost-transparent garments.

"Then see," Mr. Reed said.

And by magic, their outer clothing dissolved to nothing. Both missionaries stood in just their garments, bare foot. Their ties, their shirts, their pants, their shoes, their socks were all poofed out of existence.

They stepped closer to each other. Since their clothes had vanished, there was no going back.

The material of Elder Paxton's garments was more opaque then Elder Barnes. His chest hair poked through the cotton on his torso, and a few pubic hairs poked through the white, cotton bottoms. Elder Barnes's garments though, were made out of a silky, nearly transparent material. Elder Paxton could see darker spots where Elder Barnes's nipples and belly button were. He could see the change in color where the tip of Elder Barnes's circumcised cock pressed against his garment bottoms.

"Behind me are two doors," Mr. Reed said, pointing to doors the missionaries hadn't noticed before. "One is the exit, where you can go back to the control of the Mormon Church. You can pretend you never saw what you have seen."

Elder Paxton and Elder Barnes looked at the door and back at each other.

"And the other?" Elder Paxton asked, and Elder Barnes nodded.

"The other," Mr. Reed said with a smile, "Will dissolve those garments right off your bodies, and you two young men will have a home, here in my basement, where you never have to cover up again."

Elder Paxton and Elder Barnes reached for each other, their fingers entwining.

They stepped toward the second door, which swung open for them to reveal a well-lit staircase going down. Elder Paxton stepped through first, his opaque garments vanishing off his body, as Elder Barnes looked on, his eyes watching his companions penis, flop into view. Elder Paxton looked down at his naked body, and back up at Elder Barnes. He grinned, feeling free for the first time in his life.

He reached out a hand that Elder Barnes took, and stepped through the doorway himself. His garments dissolved too. Both missionaries now stood on the other side of the doorway their mission suits transformed to their birthday suits.

"You are free now," Mr. Reed said. And closed the door behind them.

They took the staircase, hand in hand, bare feet on each step ,eyes soaking up one another's bodies. As they descended, they heard more men's voices, growing louder and louder. They hesitated near the bottom, unsure if they were ready to emerge from the staircase butt-naked, and holding hands.

Elder Paxton squeezed Elder Barnes's hand and they stepped forward into the basement, where nearly a hundred naked men cheered for them, as they stepped off the stairs and into Mr. Reed's basement.

[aspenmissing]

𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝙸𝚗 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚆𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛 (𝙿𝚝 𝟸)

"Mr Carlton?" Bill looks up as Sam, Dean, and Y/N approach. "We'd like to ask you a few questions, if you don't mind."

"We're from the department." Theo is cut off by Bill.

"I don't care who you're with. I've answered enough questions today."

"Your son said he saw something in that lake. What about you? Have you ever seen anything else out there? Mr. Carlton, Sophie's drowning, and Will's death—we think there might be a connection to you or your family.”

"My children are gone. It's... it's worse than death. Go away. Please." Sam, Dean, and Y/N head back to the car.

"What do you think?" Sam asks.

"Aw, I think the poor guy's been through hell. I also think he's not telling us something." Y/N leans on the Impala.

"So now what?" Theo goes still.

"What is it?" The brothers say it in unison.

"Huh." Y/N is looking at the Carlton house. "Maybe Bill's not the only one who knows something." She pulls out the picture Lucas brought her, which is of the Carlton house, then looks at Sam and Dean.

==

"I'm sorry, but I don't think it's a good idea."

"I just need to talk to him." Y/N, Sam, and Dean are inside Andrea's house, talking to her. "Just for a few minutes."

"He won't say anything. What good's it going to do?"

"Andrea, we think more people might get hurt. We think something's happening out there.”

"My husband and the others just drowned. That's all."

"If that's what you believe, then we'll go. But if you think there's even a possibility that something else could be going on here, please let Y/N talk to your son." Lucas is colouring a toy soldier standing around him. Dean, Y/N, Sam, and Andrea approach the doorway. Y/N enters and is crouched down by Lucas.

"Hey, Lucas. You remember me?" Lucas has drawn two more pictures of a red bicycle. "You know, I, uh, I wanted to thank you for that last drawing. But the thing is, I need your help again." Lucas is drawing a person in the water. Y/N opens the house picture and puts it down in front of Lucas. "How did you know to draw this? Did you know something bad was going to happen? Maybe you could nod yes or no for me." Lucas keeps coloring. "You're scared. It's okay. I understand. See, when I was your age, I saw something really bad happen to my mom, and I was scared, too. I didn't feel like talking, just like you. But see, my mom—I know she wanted me to be brave. I think about that every day. And I do my best to be brave. And maybe your dad wants you to be brave too." Lucas drops his crayon and looks up at Y/N. Lucas then hands her a picture of a white church, a yellow house, and a boy with a blue baseball cap and red bicycle in front of a wooden fence. "Thanks, Lucas."

==

Dean, Sam, and Y/N are in the Impala, with Sam holding the church picture.

"Andrea said the kid never drew like that till his dad died.”

"There are cases-going through a traumatic experience could make people more sensitive to premonitions and psychic tendencies."

"Whatever's out there, what if Lucas is tapping into it somehow? I mean, it's only a matter of time before somebody else drowns, so if you got a better lead, please.”

"All right, we have another house to find."

"The only problem is that there are about a thousand yellow two-story buildings in this county alone." Sam looks at the picture.

"See this church? I bet there's less than a thousand of those around here.”

"Oh, a college boy thinks he's so smart." Sam looks at Y/N.

"You know, um... What you said about Mom—you never told me that before.”

"It's no big deal. Oh god, we're not going to have to hug or anything, are we?" Y/N leans back with a smile on her face.

==

Sam, Dean, and Y/N approach a white church shaped like the one in Lucas's picture. Y/N holds up the picture and looks at it, comparing it to the scene in front of her; there's a yellow house next to the church and a wooden fence near the house. Sam looks at Y/N and Dean. The three look up at the church and cross the street to the house.

==

"We're sorry to bother you, ma'am. " Dean, Y/N, and Sam are inside the house, speaking to an old woman, "but does a little boy live here, by chance? He might wear a blue ball cap and have a red bicycle.

"No ma'am. Not for a very long time. Peter's been gone for 35 years now." There's a picture of Peter on the side table. The old woman sighs. "The police never—I never had any idea what happened. He just disappeared." Sam points out to Dean and Y/N several toy soldiers on a table. "Losing him—you know, it's...it's worse than dying." Dean glances at Sam and Y/N.

"Did he disappear from here? I mean, from this house?"

"He was supposed to ride his bike straight home after school, and he never showed up." Dean picks up a picture of the mirror. There are two boys in the picture, one Peter with a bicycle. Dean reads from the back of the picture.

"Peter Sweeney and Bill Carlton, nineteen seventy."

==

Dean, Y/N, and Sam are in the Impala.

"Okay, this little boy Peter Sweeney vanishes, and this is all connected to Bill Carlton somehow."

"Yeah, Bill sure as hell seems to be hiding something, huh?" Dean says.

"And Bill, the people he loves, they're getting punished." Sam adds.

"So, what if Bill did something to Peter?"

"What if Bill killed him?" Y/N says.

"Peter's spirit would be furious. It'd want revenge. It's possible."

Time Skip

The Impala pulls up in front of the Carlton house. Sam, Dean, and Y/N approach the house.

"Mr Carlton?" Sam asks as an engine roars. The three go around the house to see Bill going out on the lake in his boat.

"Hey, check it out." Sam, Dean, and Y/N run to the end of the dock, yelling. "Mr Carlton! You need to come back! Come out of the water! Turn the boat around!"

"Mr Carlton!" Y/N shouts. They are ignored, and Bill keeps going. The water rises and flips Bill's boat over, and both the boat and he vanish.

==

Lucas is sitting in a chair, rocking back and forth. Andrea is sitting next to him, holding a paper bag and a plastic container.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Sam, Dean, Y/N, and Jake Devins walk into the door, and Andrea looks over. "Sam, Dean, Y/N. I didn't expect to see you here.”

"So now you're on a first-name basis. What are you doing here?"

"I bought you dinner."

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I don't have the time."

"I heard about Bill Carlton. Is it true? Is something going on with the lake?"

"Right now, we don't know what the truth is. But I think it might be better if you and Lucas went home." Lucas looks up and whines, looking stricken; he jumps up and grabs Y/N's arm.

"Lucas, hey, what is it? Lucas."

"Lucas"

"Lucas, it's okay. It's okay. Hey, Lucas, it's okay. It's okay" Andrea pulls Lucas away from Y/N and leads him outside. Lucas doesn't look away from Y/N. Jake throws off his jacket and goes into his office. Sam, Dean, and Y/N follow.

"Okay, just so I'm clear, you see... something attacked Bill's boat, sending Bill—who is a very good swimmer, by the way—into the drink, and you never see him again?" Dean glances at his siblings.

"Yeah, that about sums it up."

"And I'm supposed to believe this, even though I've already sonar-swept that entire lake? And what you're describing is impossible? And you're not the Wildlife Service?" Y/N looks surprised. "That's right, I checked. Departments never heard of you three.”

"See, now, we can explain that.”

"Enough. Please. The only reason you're breathing free air is because one of Bill's neighbours saw him steering out of that boat just before you did. So, we have a couple of options here. I can arrest you for impersonating government officials and hold you as material witnesses to Bill Carlton's disappearance. Or we can chalk this all up to a bad day, you get into your car, you put this town in your rear-view mirror, and you don't ever darken my doorstep again.”.

"Door number two sounds good," Sam says.

"That's the one I'd pick."

==

Dean, Sam, and Y/N are in the Impala, waiting at a traffic light. A sign says I-43 North to Milwaukee is to the left. The light turns green, but the Impala doesn't move.

"Green," Sam says.

"What?" Y/N says his hand is still on the steering wheel.

"Light's green." Y/N and Dean share a look before she turns right.

"Uh, the interstate's the other way," Sam says, pointing in the other direction.

"We know"

"But guys, this job—I think it's over."

"I'm not sure."

"If Bill murdered Peter Sweeney and Peter's spirit got its revenge, the case closed. The spirit should be at rest," Sam says.

"All right, so what if we take off and this thing isn't done? You know, what if we've missed something? What if more people get hurt?" Y/N replies.

"But why would you think that?"

"Because I saw the way he looked at Theo. Lucas was scared," Dean says.

"That's what this is about?"

"I don't want to leave this town until I know the kid's okay."

"Who are you? And what have you done to our brother?" Dean glances at Y/N, who gives him a small smile.

"Shut up." A while later, they arrived.

"Are you sure about this? It's pretty late, man." Dean rings the doorbell. At that moment, Lucas opens the door, desperately afraid.

"Lucas? Lucas!" Lucas takes off, pulling Y/N with him. Dean and Sam follow after them. Water is pouring out from under the bathroom door and down the stairs. Lucas starts pounding on the bathroom door again. Y/N pulls him off to the side as Dean kicks in the door. Lucas grabs Y/N tighter, so Sam and Dean run into the bathroom and stick their arms into the tub, trying to pull Andrea out, only to be pulled back down, but Sam and Dean keep pulling until Andrea is out, until eventually the force seemingly gave up as Andrea sat out of the bathtub coughing up water.

==

Y/N, Sam, and Andrea sit in the living room.

"Can you tell us?" Sam asks.

"No," Andrea replies. Dean is looking through notebooks on the bookshelves.

"It doesn't make any sense." Andrea starts crying, "I'm going crazy." She puts her face in her hands.

"No, you're not. Tell us what happened. Everything"

"I heard... I thought I heard... there was this voice.”.

"What did it say?" Y/N asks softly.

"It said... it said, 'come play with me’'" Andrea starts to cry. "What's happening?" Dean pulls out a scrapbook that says ‘Jake, 12 years old’ and opens it, flipping pages. He closes it again and goes to Sam, Y/N, and Andrea; he puts the book down in front of Andrea and opens it to a picture of Explorer Troop 37.

"Do you recognise the kids in these pictures?"

"What? Um, um, no. I mean, except that's my dad right there. He must have been about twelve in these pictures. She moves her finger over to another picture of Jake as a child; he is standing next to Peter. Dean looks at Y/N and Sam.

"Chris Barr's drowning. The connection wasn't to Bill Carlton. It must have been to the sheriff.”.

"Bill and the sheriff—they were both involved with Peter," Y/N mutters.

"What about Chris? My dad—what are you talking about?" Y/N looks sideways.

"Lucas?" Lucas is staring out the window. "Lucas, what is it?" Lucas opens the door and walks outside. Everyone follows.

"Lucas, honey?" Lucas stops and looks at the ground, then at Y/N.

"You and Lucas get back to the house and stay there, okay?" Andrea pulls Lucas back to the house. Dean, Sam, and Y/N presumably fetch shovels from the Impala, before they start digging. Sam's shovel clanks against something. They dig with their hands and pull out a red bicycle.

"Peter's bike"

"Who are you?" The three turn around; Jake is there, pointing a gun at them.

"Put the gun down, Jake." They all drop the shovels.

"How did you know that was there?"

"What happened? You and Bill killed Peter, drowned him in the lake, and then buried the bike? You can't bury the truth, Jake. Nothing stays  buried." Andrea sees Jake with the gun aimed at Sam, Dean, and Y/N. She then talks to Lucas.

"Go to your room, sweetie. Now. Lock the door and wait for me. Don't come out." Lucas runs off as Andrea goes outside.

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about.”?

"You and Bill killed Peter Sweeney 35 years ago. That's what the hell I'm talking about," Andrea runs up.

"Dad!"

"And now you have one seriously pissed-off spirit."

"It's going to take Andrea, Lucas, and everyone you love. It's going to drown them. And it's going to drag their bodies, God knows where, so you can feel the same pain Peter's mom felt. And then, after that, it's going to take you, and it's not going to stop until it does.”.

"Yeah, and how do you know that?" Jake asks.

"Because that's exactly what it did to Bill Carlton," Y/N says.

"Listen to yourselves, the three of you. You're insane"

"I don't give a rat's ass what you think of us. But if we're going to bring down this spirit, we need to find the remains, salt them, and burn them into dust. Now tell me you buried Peter somewhere. Tell me you didn't just let him go into the  lake." Y/N says, gritting her teeth at the thought.

"Dad, is any of this true?"

"No. Don't listen to them. They're liars, and they're dangerous.”.

"Something tried to drown me. Chris died on that lake. Dad, look at me." Jake does. "Tell me you—you didn't kill anyone." Jake looks away. "Oh my god.”.

"Billy and I were at the lake. Peter was the smallest one. We always bullied him, but this time, it got rough. We were holding his head under the water. We didn't mean to. But we held him under too long, and he drowned. We let the body go, and it sank." Dean glances at Y/N and sees her look away in disgust. "Oh, Andrea, we were kids. We were so scared. It was a mistake. But, Andrea, to say that I have anything to do with these drownings with Chris because of some ghost? It's not rational.”.

"All right, listen to me, all of you. We need to get you away from this lake, as far as we can, right now." Andrea turns her head and spots Lucas going down to the lake. She gasps.

"Lucas!" They all run up to the dock. Lucas is leaning over the side, reaching for a toy soldier in the water.

"Lucas!" Y/N shouts.

"Lucas! Baby, stay where you are!" A hand comes up and pulls Lucas into the water. The adults have reached the edge of the lake. Jake stops as Peter's head is visible; Jake recognises him immediately. Dean, Sam, and Y/N keep running to the end of the dock and diving in. Y/N dived in first, as she was the closest. "Oh my God!" Andrea takes off her jacket, ready to go into the water.

"Andrea, stay there!" Sam shouts, surfacing to the top.

"No! Lucas!"

"We'll get him! Just stay on the  dock." Sam dives under again. Dean comes up. A minute later, so does Sam. But no, Y/N.

"Sam? Where's Y/N" Dean says, Sam shakes his head, and the two brothers start to panic.

"Lucas, where are you?" Andrea shouts.

"Theo!" Both the brothers’s shouts Jake takes off his jacket as Sam and Dean dive back down. Jake wades in. Andrea looks over.

"Peter, if you can hear me... please, Peter, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.”.

"Daddy, no!"

"Peter. Lucas, he's just a little boy. Please, it's not his fault; it's mine. Please take  me." Dean and Sam come up for air.

"Jake, no!" Peter surfaces.

"Just let it be over!" Jake is dragged down.

"Daddy! Daddy! No!" Dean and Sam dive down again. "No!" Sam comes up, shaking his head. Then Sam hears coughing behind him and turns around to see Dean holding Y/N and her holding Lucas.

==

Dean, Sam, and Y/N walk out of the motel. Dean opens the car door, and Sam tosses a duffel in.

"Look, we're not going to save everybody.”.

"I know"

"Sam, Dean, Y/N" Andrea walks up with Lucas.

"Hey," Dean says,

"We're glad we caught you. We just, um, we made you lunch for the road." Lucas is carrying a tray of sandwiches. "Lucas insisted on making the sandwiches himself."

"Can I give it to them now?" Y/N smiles softly.

"Of course." Andrea smiles and kisses Lucas's head.

"Come on, Lucas, let's load this into the car," Y/N says.

"How are you holding up?" Sam asks.

"It's just going to take a long time to sort through everything, you know?" Sam sighs.

"Andrea, I'm sorry," Dean says. Andrea shakes her head.

"You saved my son. I can't ask for more than that. Dad loves me. He loved Lucas. No matter what he did, I just have to hold on to  that." Y/N puts the sandwiches in the car.

"All right, if you're going to be talking now, this is a very important phrase, so I want you to repeat it one more time."

"Zeppelin rules!"

"That's right. Up high" Y/N holds her hand up for a high-five. Lucas obliges, grinning. "You take care of your mom, okay?"

"All right," Andrea says, kissing Dean.

"Thank you" She then goes over to Y/N and hugs her tight. "Thank you for saving my son." Y/N nods and smiles. Dean thinks for a minute, then scratches his head and goes around the car.

"Sam, Y/N, move your ass. We're going to run out of daylight before we hit the road." Dean gets in the car, followed by Sam and Y/N. Y/N starts the engine, and the three smile at Andrea and Lucas, waving goodbye as they drive away.

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-One

Table of Content or Part Fifty

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Word count: 4.6K

Warning(s): explicit language, drug abuse, minor sexual situations, violence

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My stomach aches with laughter as Duff delivers his punchline of his joke, my hands coming up to cover my mouth as I try to chew my fried mozzarella stick and he takes a sip of his beer, laughing as I snort, which only causes me to laugh even harder, until the both of us are laughing possibly the ugliest anyone has ever laughed, and I'm discarding my food into a napkin because I'm laughing too hard to try to chew it.

My eyes are watering, and thin tears roll down my cheeks.

We finally calm down, seeing people glaring at us for being so loud, but we ignore them.

"That was pretty good." I give him credit where credit is due, shifting in my seat a little and taking in a sharp breath as my sore thigh takes notice of the movement.

"Are you okay?" He asks me and I nod.

"It's still sore." I tell him, trying not to take notice of the expression on his face that flashes for a split second.

Nobody could understand why the hell I went right back home when I got out of the hospital like Nikki hadn't put my life in serious danger.

It wasn't like Nikki had intentionally shot at me. He didnt know what the hell I was and just kicked into to survival mode.

I didn't see the big deal in staying with him.

Tommy, Vince and Mick didn't even know what really happened. Doc had told them the same thing he told me to tell the press: I dropped Nikki's gun on accident, while trying to move it, and it went off and caught me.

He didn't want them to know the truth because they were working on the new album, and he didn't want to "create conflict" within the group.

So the only people that knew the truth aside from Fred, Doc and Nikki, was Duff, Slash, Steven, Izzy and Axl.

It wasn't long after that, that Axl informed me he wrote "You're Crazy" about me as a joke, but realized he was pretty right to write it because, in his words, "you staying with the crackhead heroin junkie that already treats you like shit, then fucking shot you, just solidifies my theory that you're actually, medically, out of your mind, and your insanity isn't just 'to be determined' anymore" and I asked him if he "wanted to be the pot or the kettle?"

The irony of him--out of all people--calling anybody else "crazy" was beyond me.

Thirty-two years later and he still dedicates the song to me every time they play it live.

After we're done eating our Sunday lunch, we pay and head to my car, slowly, because I'm limping and Duff's walking slow so he doesn't leave me.

"So, I kinda did something for your late birthday present." He informs me out of nowhere and I raise my brows.

"What do you mean?" I ask, fumbling to get my keys from my purse, shielding my eyes from the harsh sun in my face as we head to the parking lot.

"Mandy and I broke up." He states and I raise my brows.

"...You broke up with your girlfriend as my birthday present?" I'm confused and he chuckles it off.

"No!" He nervously rubs at the back of his neck. "She broke up with me, actually, but that's not what your present is."

"She broke up with you? Are you okay?" I ask.

"It's a girl, Viv. There's plenty more decent girls to choose from when I'm ready to be in a relationship again." He shrugs.

"Did she tell you why she was breaking things off?" I question.

"Just needed space or time or something like that, I don't know. I was kinda drunk when she called to tell me."

"She broke up with you over a phone call?" I raise my voice, my nostrils flaring.

"Viv, chill out." He let's out with a laugh, nudging me with his arm. "You haven't let me explain the good part of this."

"Well then explain." I clear my throat and he rubs his lips together.

"I talked to Nikki last night 'cause he and Tommy came around to hangout with us for a little while." He explains.

"Mhm?"

"I mentioned the fact that you were kinda getting back into dancing and he said he'd been meaning to ask me about it because you'd told him about Mandy letting you use their rehearsal space to dance."

"She didn't even know I was using it, you just sneak me in whenever she's not there. Well, at least, you did. I'm assuming she got the key back from you."

"You're not letting me finish." He points out and I roll my eyes and sigh.

"Okay. I'm listening."

"Nikki and I conspired together, and I'm buying the place from Mandy, and Nikki is going to pay for any renovations and cleaning up it probably definitely needs."

I stop walking, my face falling, unable to say anything.

"So...happy birthday?" He cautiously finishes, not able to gauge how I'm gonna react.

I just start crying.

"I-I'm sorry, if you didn't want that we can--"

"--I'm not crying because I'm upset, I'm crying because I'm happy." I tell him, wiping my running mascara.

"Viv." He smiles a little, and I hug him to me, my arms around him tightly as I squeeze my eyes closed.

"Thank you." I mumble to him and he kisses at my hair for a second.

"Happy birthday."

I knew on Nikki's part it was an attempt to apologize without actually saying "I'm sorry for shooting you" because if he said "I'm sorry" it would mean admitting he was wrong and I was right about his drug use.

And Vivian could never be right about anyone over-doing it with their bad habits.

I shut the front door, slipping my kitten heels off by the door before I calmly step through the house to get to our bedroom so I can change from my church dress.

Nikki's passed out in our bed. I've gotten to where I have to wake him up and get him to bed or just sleep next to him in the closet.

I accidentally rolled over and stabbed myself with one of his used needles a few nights ago so I've been praying he's been using clean needles and isn't going to transfer anything weird to me.

I change clothes and get into our bed, watching him sleep, at least I think he's asleep.

"How was church?" He asks me, keeping his liner smudged eyes shut and I run the tip of my finger over his bare chest.

"It was good." I reply. "It ran late again today." I lie, not wanting him to find out about Duff and I eating lunch again.

"Oh." He yawns, turning over to face me and I get a little closer to him, hooking my leg around his hip and he grins softly, resting his hand on the curve of my back.

"So, Zutaut called again." I tell him and he sighs out.

"Nope." He sits up and I untangle from him, rolling my eyes as I follow him into the bathroom.

"You didn't even let me finish." I argue, crossing my arms and leaning against the doorway as he puts the toilet seat up to pee.

"I don't need to let you finish. This is the second time he's called in the three days and you told me the first time he called he was wondering if I'd be up to produce your friends' album."

"I love how they're strictly just my friends as soon they inconvenience you. Which I don't even consider this an inconvenience."

"Then what is it, Viv?" He flushes the toilet and steps to the shower to turn it on.

"An opportunity to actually listen to our--'our' meaning 'your's, too'--friends' music. And help them get it put down on an album that actually stays true to their sound instead of trying to add all the extra bull crap that everyone else that's wanted to produce them, has done." I state as he gets his clothes off and gets into the shower.

"What's in it for me?" He asks over the sound of the water.

"Um, the satisfaction of helping a hungry band reach their dreams and share their music? Also helping them get money because once the kids see the album is produced by Nikki Sixx they're gonna buy it because they trust your opinion on good rock music?" I suggest hopefully.

"I want blowjobs." He cuts through the sentimental atmosphere I created in my mind surrounding friendship and dedication, and I glare at the shower as my face drops from it's smile into an unamused expression. "Like, on-command blowjobs. Anytime, anywhere."

"You want me to drop to my knees the second you snap your fingers? Ha!" I scoff.

"Then I'm not even gonna consider producing them."

"Oh my goodness gracious, fine!" I give up, letting out a heavy sigh. "For how long?"

"Um, until I come?"

"No, I mean over what duration of time do I have to sacrifice the wellbeing of my jaw for your disgusting and degrading satisfaction?"

"Until you get arthritic to the point of not being able to get down that low without throwing a joint out of place." He says and I raise a brow, yanking the shower open.

"I am not gonna be in my fifties getting on my knees every time you want some head." I state and he laughs.

"If I have to give you on-command BJs, you have to go down on me on-command."

"You don't even have to tell me to eat you out, I'll gladly do it without the say-so." He says as he shapes his lathered hair straight up with his hands and I have to keep myself from laughing at his childishness. "And can you close that, It's kinda nippley out there." He motions outside of the shower and I shake my head a little before pinning my hair off of my shoulders with a hair clip on our counter and start pulling my clothes off.

I get in with him and he smirks.

"Am I in trouble?" He asks and I raise my brows before reaching my hands up to squish down on his hair that he's got perfectly sculpted upward with shampoo. "No, Viv!" He tries to protect it, laughing loudly.

Tom Zutaut had pressed at me to convince Nikki to at least consider producing "Appetite for Destruction."

Everyone that was interested in Guns N' Roses wanted to alter their music or add unnecessary elements to their signature raw sound. He knew Nikki advocated for people not compromising on what they want, especially with their music, and knew he would never try to produce the album the way he wanted it, but the way the band wanted it.

The only problem there was in the plan...

I roll my eyes as Nikki takes a bump of coke to try to pull himself out of his heroin induced stupor as I fall back in the seat across from him in the limousine, wiping my smudged lipstick from around my mouth, panting, hot and bothered because he started something and couldn't get his prick up to finish it.

Oh, the joys of body function inhibiting drugs.

"Okay, c'mon." He says as he takes a deep breath.

I get back on him to straddle his lap, my hands pulling my dress up my hips and pushing my panties aside while he rubs at himself.

It doesn't seem like he's getting any harder, and the mood is ruined.

"Babe, it's okay." I sigh out, calmly, although I'm frustrated.

"Fuck." He curses, just as irritated, his boot harshly kicking the edge of the seats across from us, his fingers grasping at his hair.

I fix my panties back and move off of him, smoothing my dress back down as he tucks himself back into his pants and laces them back up.

"I'm sorry, Viv." He turns his head to the side to look at me while he's leaning his head back.

"It's fine." I assure him. "Not like I need to be putting that much pressure on my thigh anyway." I add and the atmosphere in the car immediately tenses up.

He doesn't reply, putting his shades on to prepare for the flashing cameras bound to find us.

He despises the press.

I don't blame him.

Once we get stopped, Nikki's opening the door, tightly grasping at my hand.

"Nikki! Nikki!" They all seem to be shouting, followed by questions such as, "you guys working on the album?", "what are some songs we can expect on the new album?", "when are you releasing a new record?", "is it true you went to rehab for heroin?", "are you still on drugs?"

"Vivian, there's pregnancy rumors, do you know who, in the band, is the father?" Someone shouts and I ignore them, keeping my head down and my eyes closed, letting Nikki cut through the reporters and get us into the venue to meet Tom and let Nikki experience his first official Guns N' Roses show.

...Nikki hated it.

He was ready to leave only two songs in and showed absolutely no interest in spending his time producing them.

He wouldn't even really pin point what exactly he didn't like about their music or their playing, he just didn't like it.

He admits now that he was so fucked up that night, in particular, that he wouldn't have known what was good music if it hit him in the face.

I figured that might have been the case since he was the first one to put in for Guns N' Roses to join Mötley Crüe on the "Girls, Girls, Girls" tour and advocate for their music.

His mood swings gave me whiplash.

"What do you think so far?" Tom asks Nikki as Nikki takes a sip of his drink.

"I don't see the fuss." He states, and Tom and I exchange looks, confused.

"W-What?" I ask, furrowing my brows. "Are you kidding me?"

"Did I stutter?"

"W--C'mon, Nikki, you haven't even heard some of their other stuff. These kids have the potential to be extraordinary, they're almost there. You can't just write them off like this."

"I'm not writing anybody off. They're my friends and I dig their enthusiasm but I can barely find the time to work on our own album, let alone produce someone else's and they're not striking me enough to make me want to sacrifice more of my time to produce them."

"Baby, if you would just give them a chan--"

"--Viv, I said 'no'." He sternly scolds me and tears swell up in my eyes because I could have sworn Nikki would have really liked their music.

"I'll be right back." I tell them, stepping to the bathroom to dry my tears.

At the time I thought Nikki was just being an asshole.

He didn't tell me he didn't want to produce them because he wouldn't have done the kind of job they deserved for their talent on their debut album.

He wanted to do right by them, and that meant staying as far away from their music as possible.

He didn't tell anyone that because that would have been him admitting he had a problem.

"Lose the nasty attitude, Vivian." Nikki orders as I stomp into our house while he shuts the front door behind him, locking it.

"Why? You gonna toss me aside, too?" I hiss, taking my jacket off and throwing my purse onto the coffee table, crossing my arms.

"Will you just drop it? It's not like there aren't thousands of producers that would love to help them out." He takes his jacket off, tossing it to the couch.

"What is wrong with their music? Is it their sound, their personality, their--"

"--Vivian, I said 'drop it'!" He barks.

"I have every right to be angry, Nikki! You clearly might not give a fuck about them but they are my friends--who I know good and damn well have immense talent and there's even some of it that's yet to be untapped--and I just wanted you to give them an actual shot at achieving the thing all of them have worked their asses off for and dreamed about since they were kids!" I throw my hands up.

"I'm done talking about this." He states, stepping to our bedroom.

"I'm not!" I take my heel off and throw it as hard as I can at his head.

It hits the back of his hair and he stops in his tracks.

"Tom said it himself, and you heard him: Guns N' Roses will be the biggest rock n roll band in the world if they just get someone behind them that can guide them to where they need to be!" I ball my fists up at my sides, digging my nails into my palms.

Nikki just slowly turns to face me, his eyes wild, his breathing labored, and a out of line theory sprouts in my mind, but the way he's been acting lately it won't surprise me if it's true.

"Is that why you won't help them?" I ask him, cutting my eyes. "Because they're possibly going to dethrone Mötley Crüe?"

The fact that I'm insinuating he gives a fuck about bullshit "competition", especially in regards to his friends, just infuriates him more. I see it in his eyes.

He just turns back around and goes to our bedroom, slamming the door shut.

I roll my jaw, my eyes drifting to the beautiful display of his gold and platinum records on the wall beside the hallway that leads to guest bedrooms.

My skin of my knuckles is splitting open when my fist collides with the glass of the "Shout at the Devil" Gold award.

Platinum's next.

Just before I'm going for "Too Fast for Love", Nikki's screaming from our bedroom doorway, Jack Daniel's in hand.

"What the fuck are you doing?!" He shouts and I just shoot him a glare before taking the "Too Fast for Love" plaque off the wall. "Put the fucking plaque down Vivian." Nikki orders, stepping closer to me.

"Produce their album." I demand, acting as if I'm going to drop it.

"Put. It. Down. Vivian."

"Or what? You'll shoot me again?" I taunt him and he grinds his teeth. "Produce their album." I repeat.

"Go to hell, crazy bitch." He snaps.

"You go first!" I holler back, hurling the award at the wall and it crashes into another plaque and they both shatter to pieces.

I turn around just in time to see Nikki pouring Jack all over my Bible that he'd plucked from the coffee table, just before pulling his lighter out.

"Stop!" I shriek, rushing to him.

I'm too late, though, and he's lighting it up and throwing it into the empty fire place just as I make it to him.

A God-awful feeling of dread fills me as Sikki looks very proud of himself.

I can't even look at him right now.

Walking to the kitchen to wash my bleeding hand off and get it wrapped up, I start to think a mile a minute.

My heart clenches in my chest as tears line my lashes.

How predictable of Nikki Sixx to burn a fucking Bible just to piss off a christian who's had said Bible since childhood...but it somehow shocks me that he'd do it to me, I guess.

I glance down at my wedding ring.

I've noticed it feels more and more like a weight with every argument he and I have.

Our entire relationship was just an open body of water that, that freaking ring was dragging me deeper and deeper in to.

The pressure was starting to get painful and I needed air.

My finger tips tug at my wedding ring and I leave it on the kitchen counter before I'm walking to our bedroom-- while he's still in the living room-- locking the door and heading to the closet, quickly gathering every lick of heroin, coke, and pills before going to our bathroom and flushing all of it, all the while Nikki's banging his fist against our bedroom door.

I hear a loud crash, and realize he kicked the door in.

"Vivian!" He screams as I'm giving the final flush to the last bindle, opening the bathroom door.

He's pushing me aside rather roughly and stomping to the toilet as the sound of the tank refilling with water let's him know what I've been doing.

"What did you do?!" He seethes at me, finger in my face, eyes shot, five o'clock shadow framing his gritted teeth.

And I just turn around with the intention of getting my shoes back on and leaving.

His hand is catching in my hair and yanking me back to him.

"Nikki, fuck off!"

"Don't fucking walk away from me!" He yells.

"I should have walked away from you six years ago!" I exclaim, tears of anger rolling down my cheeks.

This gets his attention because he's letting me go, an obvious expression of hurt on his face.

"I should have never slept with you. I should have never dated you. I should have never told you I'd marry you and I never should have taken vows to love and honor and protect someone who can't even get off of drugs long enough to love and honor and protect me." I sniffle and he blinks at me slowly as if holding back on his emotions.

"Then walk the fuck away." He hisses at me, rolling his jaw.

I left.

Nikki called Vanity.

And I went to find Duff.

I shut my car door before making my way into the Seventh Veil, running a hand through my hair as music blares through the speakers.

I glance around, hoping they're here because I've been up and down the strip and they've been nowhere to be found.

My prayers are answered when I look to see the massive fluff of blonde hair and I walk over to the table where Duff, Izzy, Steven, and Slash are, yanking a chair from a neighboring table and sitting with them.

They give me weird looks, Steven glancing around to check for Nikki or any of the other guys, before exchanging looks with Duff and Slash while Izzy seems unphased, his eyes on the same thing mine are on: the dancer on stage.

"Um...Viv?" Steven asks me cautiously and I side eye him.

"Yeah." I mumble.

"Uh, a-are you here alone?" He asks.

"Yep."

"Do you like strippers or something?" Slash asks me next.

"Nope."

"Did Nikki piss you off?" Duff's next.

"Yep."

"Is your hand alright?" Steven motion's to my hand that's got a scabbed over, bloody cut over the top of it.

"Shh, guys, she has to keep a clear mind so she can properly construct her plan to ask the dancers if they've accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior." Izzy sarcastically puts in and I cut my eyes at him as he takes another drag of his cigarette.

"Talk all your shit, Stradlin. Just gives me more motivation to curate ideas to make your life harder."

"Your existence in itself makes my life harder." He scoffs.

"Good that means I'm fulfilling one of the purposes God gave me for my life."

"Is your other purpose getting your husband so heated he throws you out of the house?"

"Oh, I'm sorry." I pretend to feel sorry, poking my lip out a little. "I forget I can't be upset with Nikki around you because you get bothered at the thought of anyone being upset with your gothic, heroin hounding, drug buddy because you're kindred spirits that have bonded over being tortured artists."

"Oh, go read your Bible." He tells me.

"Can't. Nikki set it on fire." I shoot back and Duff chokes on his drink.

"He what?" Duff asks me, like he's trying to contain a little anger over it.

"So we can expect the Sixxes to get a divorce?" Izzy asks me, clearly joking, and I shake my head.

"No, he's just being a junked-out prick." I mumble, crossing my arms.

"Do you wanna get your anger out by aggressively throwing our money?" Steven asks and I blink.

"I'll go politely put the money on the edge of the stage." I say and Duff finishes his drink, setting the glass face down.

"Alright, let's get outta here." He tells me with a sigh, standing up. "We'll see you guys later."

"Alright, man." Izzy nods. "Viv." He adds.

"Izzy." I reply.

"Bye, Viv." Steven and Slash both say and I smile a little.

"Bye, guys."

I follow Duff out of the club, and he nearly trips coming out, causing me to grab at his hand and arm to try to help him keep balanced, and a few flashes go off, signaling paparazzi and I audibly groan as they move in.

My hand shields my eyes as my other hand holds tightly to Duff's arm as asinine questions are thrown at me but I ignore them.

The bastards got a good enough shot at just the right second--with me holding onto Duff with both of my hands, the two of us sharing wide smiles because we were laughing over him nearly tripping to the ground--that it definitely came across as "a picture's worth a thousand words" but the only words told by that picture was that we were a little more than friends...and that's what the headline spun it up as by the time it landed in Nikki's hands.

The argument it led to sparked the birth of "You're All I Need", delivered by the vocals of Vince, from the demented mind of Sikki Nixx himself.

"Where'd you park?" Duff asks me in my ear over the sound of photography and strangers talking at us, and I tug him into direction of my car that's parked down the street against the curb.

"Welp that's something I'm gonna get to explain to Nikki." I state as soon as we get into my car.

"He knows nothing's happening." He replies, laughing it off.

"Yeah, right." I say under my breath, as I start heading down the road. "Where to?" I ask, stopping at a stop light.

"Oh, I don't know I was just trying to keep you from swinging on Izzy." He admits with a chuckle and I shake my head a little.

"I'd never hit Izzy. Axl, definitely, Izzy, no. He's my favorite."

"Izzy's your favorite? How'd that happen? You two are, like, polar opposites." He asks me with an amused smile.

"He agrees that Sid probably killed Nancy." I inform him and he throws his head back and let's out a frustrated, but humorous, groan.

After finally deciding to just get milk-shakes, we sit in a corner booth of Denny's and once we get out orders, Duff's clearing his throat.

"So, I saw you guys at the show earlier."

He tells me and I raise my brows, sipping at my strawberry milkshake. "You didn't tell us you were coming, we could've told them to take you guys backstage."

"We weren't able to stay very long afterwards...Nikki just wanted to see you guys play together live." I explain.

"Oh." He nods, before asking the dreaded question: "what did he think?"

"He digs you guys." I lie, giving a little smile.

The guys never knew Nikki was approached to produce the album, each of them found out later.

I think they're secretly glad he never touched "Appetite for Destruction."

That album would have been an absolute train wreck under his junkie guidance, just like everything else that Nikki seemed to be apart of in 1987.

[mattchase82]

Saint Veronica Giuliani is Shown Hell

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"In a sudden, I found myself in a dark, deep and smelly, you heard bulls, braying of donkeys, lion roars, whistles of snakes, ghastly confusion of voices, and thunders that contributed great terror and fear. I saw flashes of fire and dense smoke. I cried out for help, but nothing!

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I seemed to see a big mountain all covered with snakes, the snakes and reptiles braided together, no one recognized the other, and in quantity without a number. Beneath them, I heard curses and ghastly voices, I turned to my angels, I asked them what those voices were, and they told me that there were many damned souls, and that this place was their prison. At this point it opened immediately, the great mountain, and I seemed to see it all filled with demons and damned souls! In large numbers! The damned souls and demons were stuck together as if they were one, and the demons were connected with the damned souls with chains of fire as if the demons and souls were the same thing though every soul had so many demons upon which could not be counted. The way in which I saw this I cannot describe it, but I understood, but I do not say anything of what it is.

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Suddenly I was transported to another mountain where bulls and horses were unbridled which continuously and viciously but one another. These demons issued fire from their eyes, mouth and nose, they had swords and sharp teeth that seemed to be devouring and chewing up some type of objects into pieces. I then suddenly realized that these were SOULS of the damned with the clash of their kicking and devouring the souls, what terror it was. Do not ever stop and realize that this last forever. Then I saw other mountains with most ruthless torments, but it is impossible to describe, and the human mind can never, ever understand. In the midst of this place, there is a horrible throne, high, broad, and composed of demons! There is a horrible struggle, in the middle of the devils throan as the demons who make up this horrible throan are always warring with each other. The chair is made up of mostly demons, the head and the principal. Here it is sitting, Lucifer, ghastly, horrible. O God! What can describe such horror! More horrible and ugly than all other demons. Satan seems to have a head the size of a hundred heads, and it is full of very long spikes on top of each of which there is like an eye, big as a head of cattle, which sends arrows fire burning all of hell.

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And although this is a very big place comprising innumerable damned souls and demons, all see Lucifer without veil no matter where they are tormented Lucifer is always seen by all, and all in hell are suffering the same torments over seeing Lucifer. Lucifer sees all, and everyone sees him. Here, my angels, made me understand that, as in heaven, the sight of God, face to face, makes everyone infinitely happy and blessed, those in hell, will forever have the ugly face of Lucifer, this diabolical monster. They see Lucifer, face to face the enemy of God at all times to their ever lasting horror, and having lost God forever, and ever, they will only know horror.

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Lucifer stands out so that all the damned always sees him to their horror. Lucifer cursed and blasphemed all, it is all cursed and curses, and it haunts, and torture all for eternity. And how long is this? I asked my angels, and they answered me: Forever, for all eternity. O God! I cannot say anything, of what I have learned and been made to understand, with words, we do not have words in our way of unferdtanding. Here, now, I saw something that filled me with horro. The cushion in the chair of Lucifer, that was seated in that throne. It was the soul of Judas! And under the feet of Lucifer was a very big cushion, all torn and horrible. I was made to understand that these were souls of bad Religious who performed their duties to our Lord's Church poorly and Lukewarm; suddenly the throne was opened and I saw among numerous demons that were under the chair, a large amount of what appeared to be animald.

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Then I asked my Angels: Who are these? And they told me that they were prelates, Head of the Church, and the superiors of Religion. O God! Each soul suffers, all the damned souls of others torment each other, and I seemed to be made to understand that my being there was a torment to all the demons! And all the souls in hell. However I was not only accompanied by my Angels, but I was also accompanied incognito by my dear Mother, Mary most holy, because without her, I would have died of fright. I will not say more, because I cannot say anything. All I said is nothing, and everything I've heard from the preachers in the Church is nothing. The human mind and soul does not have the ability to portray the horrors, pains and torments of hell. This journey to this horrid place was very good, made me make the decision of departing from everything and to do my Catholic duties with more perfection as I am so neglectful now. In hell there is a place for everyone, and there is still my place, if I perform my duties bad or commit even one mortal sin without Confession..

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May everything be all to the glory of God, according to the will of God, for God, God! On another occasion I was brought back down to hell and this time it was the devil who showed me hell. “It seems that the tempter showed my soul hell being opened, and that in fact he had placed my soul in it, and that only a small push was needed to cast me inside forever. It seemed then that I heard screams and voices of lamentation from the damned. I saw infernal monsters, many serpents, many ferocious animals, and an infernal stench and extremely hot flames, which were so big that their height could not be measured. I could only compare it to the distance between heaven and earth. As far as the size of the place, one could not see the beginning or the end, it was so vast. You could hear many blasphemies and curses against God. How sad. What torment this caused my soul.”

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After that I was shown hell once more: “At that moment I was once again shown hell opened; and it seemed many souls descended there, they were so ugly and black that they struck terror in me. They all dropped down in a rush, one after the other, and once they had entered those chasms there was nothing to be seen but fire and flames.” This led me to offer myself as a victim of Divine Justice: “My Lord, I offer myself to stand here as a doorway, so that no one may enter down there and lose Thee.” Then I stretched out my arms and said, “As long as I stand in this doorway, no one shall enter. O souls, go back! My God, I ask nothing else of Thee but the salvation of sinners.

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Send me more pains, more torments, more crosses!” The Blessed Virgin Mary speaking to Veronica about her trips to hell told her, “When you were going around hell, you came across torments and tormentors at every step; but that time when you went by the seat of Lucifer, you were terrified at seeing so many souls were on the seat of Lucifer himself. This is in the center of hell and is seen by all the damned, by all the devils, and this sight causes all of them great suffering. I also let you know that, in the same way that the sight of God in Paradise constitutes Paradise itself; down there in hell, the sight of Lucifer is what constitutes hell.” The Blessed Virgin Mary also told her, “Many do not believe that hell exists, and I tell you yourself, who have been there, have understood nothing of what hell is.”