#also like aang suddenly having this extreme moment of clarity where like

[queenangst]

boghierophant replied to your post “boghierophant replied to your post “boghierophant replied to your...”

wait can i make this worse? im making it worse. immediately post banishment!zuko who's still recovering from his burn seeing aang and going *feral* trying to capture him. of course these efforts are not effective bc he is Babey, and he says something to the effective of "please you have to come with me, it's the only way i can go home, i just want to go home"

buddy you KNOW you can always make it worse. i want it worse. please bring it

post-banishment zuko who is still healing and he can’t see right and he’s still hurting and he’s pushing himself beyond his limits because the avatar is right there he’s right there please—

[bellatrixobsessed1]

I’ll Meet You At The Bottom (Part 37)

Sorry it took so long to update guys. I had a very busy but exciting week. 

It was several hours after and the anger was still potent. Azula had concluded with herself that Sokka only liked her when she was venerable, when she could make him feel useful. That he only loved her when she wasn’t herself. She ran her fingers through her hair, working out a few tangles and kinks. That was twice that he had struck her, and once on purpose. For as angry as she was, she was also, in a sense, humored. It was supposed to be she who initiated physical spats and she who deteriorated their relationship with them. It had always been her, she felt more comfortable when it was her.

 She shed her armor and exchanged it for something more comfortable. She trailed her finger over a patch of yellow-purple on her stomach. Just above the bruise was a barely visible prick mark where the clasp of her belt had nicked the skin. She combed her way through her vanity drawer until she came upon a container of ointment. It was cool on her skin in a vaguely uncomfortable way that had her reflexively clenching her middle. As she rubbed it in and dressed the injury, she wondered if it was even worth discussing with anyone else. It seemed like such a trivial issue, did she want to make a spectacle of it? She supposed it was a matter of whether or not she wanted to put a bigger rift between Sokka and his friends. Some time ago the very notion would have put a devious smirk on her face. But she was tired. Tired of tension, tired of causing it. The princess just wanted a moment of peace. It would seem that even when she sorted herself out something would come along to cause her another struggle. No, she didn’t want to start a new kind of drama, especially not when she already had to worry about her mother.

 Azula would keep her secrets.

They didn’t have to know. She could take care of herself.

 Even so, she had to shudder, unable to keep herself from thinking about the deeper implications. Of how things would have gone over if she were still on the Ruby Tears. She might have just let him rage at her. And perhaps she should have, after all of the times she’d hit him around.

With one last look at the forming bruise, she pulled her shirt down and smoothed the cloth.

 .oOo.

 Sokka held his head in his hands, he had been sitting that way for some time, thinking and dwelling. What had he become and when had he become it? Was it after Suki had died or was it something that was always there. Something that the war had granted him.

 The scene unfolded in his mind; shoving Azula, punching her, landing her on the ground, just generally burdening the woman. And the looks she’d given him, shock and hurt dashed with what could only be wild loathing. He hadn’t seen her that pissed since the first time he had hurt her, and that time had been an accident. It didn’t take much speculation to concluded that was wasn’t going to put up with it for much longer—or, perhaps, at all. He never thought of himself as the abusive sort but in that moment, it was all he could think and he wondered again, if he had always been that way. He shuddered to himself, wondering how things would have unfolded if Azula hadn’t fought back. Would he have found it in him to realize that he was out of line? Or would he have kept on wailing on her until he felt the anger exit him. He shook harder, only a few weeks before, Azula might have taken his wrath. The visuals in his mind were so invasive. Sokka couldn’t stop himself from picturing the princess as she was months ago—a broken woman, maybe drunk, taking his abuse because she was too unstable to do anything else. He could see her with her lip split and swollen, looking up at him with solemn, tired, and pleading eyes. So terribly thin and so easy to break. Through her drunk daze, both aware and oblivious to what was happening to her. She would have been alone too, with no one to tell of how she’d been hurt.

And the worst of it—he concluded that he truly couldn’t promise himself that he wouldn’t have taken advantage of her dependency.

 He felt sick and exhausted. Maybe it was a good thing that he never had the chance to be a father, clearly he was unfit for the position. But Agni, there was one thing that he was thankful for. And it was that Azula was in a sturdy place. That she had the clarity and physical strength to push back when she needed to. He almost wanted her to march into the room and give him a good, well-earned slap. But she stayed away, and she probably would for a long time. Just when he could use her company the most. He should have just answered her relentless questions; in her own, borderline insufferable way, she had meant well.

 Sokka knew she was going to give him the coldest shoulder that a firebender could manage, which for the princess, was pretty frigid. What he didn’t know was for how long he could bare her scorn. It had taken him so long to accept it, but he loved her.

He loved her so much and yet he hurt her, just like everyone else.

 .oOo.

 Azula didn’t want the drama but she had a knack for creating it. The more she lingered on how Sokka had manhandled her the more her temper was stroked. The firebender was more or less a silent storm, the kind that comes upon a person suddenly and with no indication. The extent of her anger didn’t come out until a day or two later after seeing her bruised belly in the mirror again. The sight of the discolored bump roused her displeasure quite unexpectedly, leaving her feeling as though Sokka hadn’t answered enough for giving it to her.

 She wouldn’t isolate him from his friends. No, that would take too much control from her. There were other ways to make the man squirm and all of them involved a certain man that she’d met long ago on Ember Island.

 Azula was sporting a wicked smile. It had been so long since she’d played a good mind game.

Too long.

 .oOo.

 It came as no surprise at all to see her with Chan.

 To see her sitting on his lap as he stroked her upper thigh. To see her resting her head languidly against his muscular chest. Sokka noted bitterly that Chan was more built than he. It slashed at his soul to see him holding Azula so close.

 Sokka was a lot of things. Though he acted like it sometimes, an idiot wasn’t one of those things. He could take a hint. The two of them were as good as over and he was clearly easy to replace. The Water Tribesman didn’t know if he was dismayed or infuriated. He should have knocked Chan on his ass when he had the chance but he had kept himself civil. He heard Azula laugh—that charming, soft laugh. Chan pecked her cheek. Her face brightened pleasantly. All at once Sokka was fuming, for the great lengths he had went to for her, he could recall her laughing like that for him. But then, he was in too deep to remember things as he should. The princess caught him staring and her soft smile grew sharp and menacing. This was a game, she was toying with him. She was enjoying it. Looking him straight in the eye, she fluttered her fingers tantalizingly up Chan’s chest. In turn the man slid his hands over her slender frame. She nibbled at his neck as his hands found their way under her shirt and stroked her back.

 With each motion his blood boiled a little more. He should have told her to leave street trash in the alleys of the Ash Pit where it belonged. With each sweep of their hands and quiet sigh that Azula released—pointedly exaggerated at that—more and more unwelcomed thoughts bubbled to the surface. Among them he accused her of whoring around. He shook the thought from his head before he could speak it to her face.

 He turned to see the puzzled look of Aang. “I thought that you two were…”

 “She used me.” Blaming her was easier than confessing to Aang that he had hurt her again. For as good-natured and unjudging as the avatar was, Sokka didn’t want his close friend to see him any differently. Something flickered across Aang’s face. Something that had Sokka wondering if Aang, Toph, and Katara would still talk to Azula like a friend if he kept telling only his half of the story. He couldn’t lose them though, they were all he had. Azula could cry to her Ash Pit friends; Aang, Toph, and Katara—they were his friends. He had let her borrow them, but he needed them back. “She hates me.”

 “I’m sure that, that’s not true.” Aang tried.

 Sokka squinted at the boy and motioned to Azula as she practically melded herself into Chan. Unable to take anymore he kicked the floor and stormed in the opposite direction. He barely noticed Aang scuffling to catch up.

 .oOo.

 Azula hadn’t expected it to take so much out of her. The game she was playing, it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. In fact, the whole thing had left her feeling hollow and foolish and immature among other things.

 It had been another mistake for sure. A truly ill-placed, poorly thought out, impulsive move.  But she was locked into it now. Now that Sokka had gotten his friends to withdraw their support. She couldn’t really blame him, he had to talk to someone after all.  She was thankful that she brought all of Chan’s friends home with her, at least she still had friends.

 She peered across the table, it seemed as though Sokka was sharing something rather heartfelt and she was resentful all over again. He wasn’t open with her like that, and after she had put herself so far out there for him. She had less control over the situation than she had initially thought and she feared that she might not be able to fix things. She feared that she might not even want to. Chan’s hand fell over hers, reflexively she pulled away before remembering that she was supposed to be enjoying it. So she took his hand, pretending that she had only flinched away because she wanted her hand on top. Chan smiled cheerfully, extremely happy to have his princess back.

 It only kindled her feeling of dread even further. She was leading him on too and was going to crush him perhaps worse than Sokka. She withdrew her hand, feeling rather ill, she was going to be alone again. It would be her own fault again. She excused herself from the table, prompting Bo-Rem to ask if she could snag her leftovers.

 Azula didn’t want to be alone again.

Not when she had just finished putting the pieces back together.

 .oOo.

 He watched Azula go. She looked unmistakably shaken somehow. Weary and somber. Sokka wondered just what was he doing to her? What she was doing to him. Wondered what they were doing to each other.