#also let me know if this is something i should just email mga about??

[dolla-dolla-yeah]

Rainbow High collectors is it normal to get a new doll and her hair is kinda frizzy at places or even have bits of hair twisted in a way that cant be undone?!?

[from-me-to-you-unsent-letters]

Unsent Email: July 31 (Wednesday)

Henloo, Jo 🐳!

A year ago today, you were still here… with me. And that was one of my favorite moments of 2023.

Naalala mo nung nag-meet tayo bago ako pumunta ng Bohol? Not exactly the day before. July 24 ata. It was raining. After nating kumain, naglakad tayo kasi naghahanap tayo ng Aice Ice Cream. Coincidentally, maybe, pag naka-Aice Ice Cream tayo, meron tayong napag staystayan, napag tatambayan. That was still the same. Pumunta tayo don sa shop na nadadaanan mo kapag naglalakad ka pa-review center. Kahit na malakas yung ulan, di pa rin nagpatinag sa ice cream. Remember, yung sweet corn na hindi masarap? I think that was also the first day na umakbay ka sa akin. We were sharing yung payong mo kasi tinatamad na akong kunin yung payong ko after natin kumain sa Angkong. Nung lumalakas yung ulan, you pulled me closer para hindi mabasa. Naalala ko pa nga na may kuya na naglakad taliwas sa lakad natin nung naghahanap ng ice cream na sabi, "Hoy, maaga pa!" HAHAHAHA. We even stayed and naki-silong sa tapat ng apartment mo kasi lumakas ulit yung ulan. Tapos may mga kuting don. You offered to get me a jacket pero sabi ko wag na.

I thought you wouldn't pick me up. Kahit na maganda yung panahon sa Bohol, maulan sa Manila. I remember us saying something along the lines na kapag umuulan, wag na lang. But that Monday, the day na uuwi ako, the weather was okay. And then, you insisted. And, yes, I wanted to see you then. I would have waited the rain out (if umuulan pa non) if it meant I got to see you. Buti na lang tumila ng mabilis yung ulan. I was so happy na you actually picked me up. I wanted to tell you all about the trip.

Behind the mask I had nung nakita kitang naglalakad papalapit sa akin, I was smiling. I had this urge to run to you. I mean, I didn't pero I wanted to.

On our way home, nung sinabi mong ibababa mo na lang ako somewhere kapag umulan dahil wala kang extra na kapote, I wished na hindi umulan. I didn't want out time cut short because of the rain. It didn't. Well, until dumating tayo sa may Fisher Mall banda nung bumili ka ng tubig sa 7-Eleven. After that, bumuhos na yung ulan. Akala ko papaalisin mo na ako. We decided to wait it out sa Dunkin' across the street. (Share ko lang, when I looked it up, sarado na yung Dunkin' na pinagstayan natin.) We were there for hours just talking and catching up. I showed you photos of my trip tapos pinakita ko rin sayo yung papershoot camera ko -- that's where our first photo was ever taken. I never gave you a copy of those. Maybe I should send you our photos. I mean, it wouldn't matter kung anong gagawin mo doon pero para lang may copy ka. But, those were my favorite photos lalo na't ikaw ang kumuha, ikaw ang kasama ko. I wish we could have stayed there, but, alas, the rain stopped and we had to get home. Thank God we still stopped for ice cream sa favorite spot natin. I got to spend a little more time with you.

I know na this was also the night when I apologized for the joke I made na na-offend kita. I felt so bad about it na it was just at the back of my head all the time. You deserved a proper apology for that. Sobrang nahihiya ako sabihin sa'yo kaya binaba ko yung visor mo. That night, I didn't want you to let go nung niyakap mo ako. That night, I wanted you to mean it every time you said, throughout the time we had together, na you missed me. I wanted you to stay a little longer.

It's been a year. I wish I could hold the memory close to my chest and just blend into the memory and re-live it over and over and over -- simula umpisa hanggang dulo. If I could, I want to spend the rest of my life being with you, even if it meant staying in that time alone.

I miss you, Jo. I am at a loss for words. Hindi ko na alam.

Masasanay din ako na wala ka, na hindi ka na hinahanap, na hindi na nasasaktan. Masasanay din ako, pero sa ngayon, I miss you. 🐳 I love you, Jo. 💜 Always. ✨

Always ✨,

Tine 🐳

[rkxsungwoon-blog]

☆ mga5 callbacks; june 27; interview !

once the performances are over, the ceos retire to discuss the results of the day and, subsequently, the eliminations. letting out a sigh, sungwoon slumps forward in his seat and fiddles with the loose zipper on his keyboard’s cover. the day’s exhaustion slams into him in the span of a few seconds. after four odd hours stuck in these uncomfortable chairs, he thinks he might be ready to go home. but the most important part of this whole ordeal is yet to come: to see who actually makes it onto the show as an official contestant and who will have their journey cut short. the worried frown on sungwoon’s face is more for woojin, kenta, and minhyun than himself. they did amazingly well and deserve to make it through. just this round, he thinks, wringing his hands together. just let them get through this round. let us all get through this round.

he hasn’t really considered what he would do if he gets eliminated here and now. laugh at himself, maybe. go through another crisis of ability? sungwoon made it past this point last year, and he’s much better now than he was back then. he wants some sort of acknowledgement of his skills and his growth, but he knows just as well that the universe doesn’t owe him anything. with everything empty enigma has already accomplished, maybe he’s reaching for the stars. however, sungwoon has never been okay with just being content. if he can push forward for more, he’ll take it. so he wants to survive today, and next week, and the week after that. sungwoon refuses to let himself consider the alternatives. 

the staff call individuals out one by one while the ceos deliberate. he’s a little confused until someone lets it spill that they’re doing more interviews. frankly, it’s unexpected; sungwoon can only remember doing one interview last year, and it wasn’t until episode seven. this is a holdover from earlier seasons, apparently, so sungwoon is happy to just roll with it. interviews don’t phase him, and he certainly has a lot to say about the performances he’s watched so far. some of his friends are… not as forthcoming, and he is absolutely thinking about woojin here. god, he hopes woojin will be okay during the interview.

“ha sungwoon!” he’s deep in conversation when he hears his name and nearly jumps in surprise. after asking keta to watch over his keyboard, he follows the staff to get his hair and make-up retouched. in spite of his tiredness, he chats amicably, gently prodding them for any idea of what to expect during the interviews. one of the make up artists laughs at his attempts and says, “you’ll do just fine, sungwoon.” he takes her reassuring words to heart and heads into the room ready to get through this. all he has to do is remember to reign in a few of his more passionate opinions, but if there’s one thing sungwoon does feel confident in, it’s his ability to know what is appropriate and what isn’t. 

“welcome back, sungwoon. this isn’t your first time on the mgas, but we’re still curious to hear how you felt when you received news of the callback.” 

after greeting the interviewer and taking a seat, he ponders the first question. “honestly? i didn’t think very much of it when i first got the email. i was busy making kimchi, which is just about the most korean thing i could be doing.” the chuckle comes easily as sungwoon recalls the rest of the band bothering him to abandon his work and check his goddamn email. they’d been so excited to hear they were going through to the next stage of auditions… their reaction to the news sticks with him more than his own. “i think i was happier for my friends than i was for myself.” especially for kenta, minhyun, and woojin. “some of them are getting to experience all this for the first time and it’s fun to see them go through the whole spectrum of emotions, you know?” 

he didn’t get to experience it with the whole band last year, so get the opportunity to now means the world to him. “their enthusiasm is infectious, though, and they ended up getting me excited too.” especially daniel, whose been the whole group’s champion from the start. “i guess aside from that, i was a little relieved as well; i felt like i should be able to do this much.” especially after his showing last year, to not even make it to callbacks would’ve been awkward. not that he’d ever expressed his doubts to his friends—or to himself. “i wasn’t ready for my journey to be cut short, though, so i’m grateful i got a chance to perform today.” 

“were you surprised when the judges were revealed?” 

“yeah,” he says immediately. even amidst everything else going on, the arrival of the five ceos caught sungwoon off guard. he understands the reason behind their presence here; it makes sense that they’d want to be involved in the selection process for the show itself. and to see how potential contestants react to their sudden appearance—whether they can keep their composure or fall apart in a bundle of nerves—is equally important, in his opinion. the live shows aren’t easy; not everyone can handle the kind of pressure that comes with it. “i might’ve blacked out for a few seconds in shock,” sungwoon laughs. “they are a lot more impressive than i remember. i mean, their collective aura is no joke. did you see so jisub? and katie lee… wow.” the ceos radiate power and prestige. it would bowl a lesser person over. 

“i was looking forward to performing for them again,” he continues after a small pause. “but if i’d known they would be here today, i would’ve done something different.” it’s hard to imagine what else he might’ve performed off the top of his head, but sungwoon knows he probably would’ve taken a risk and showcased a skill they wouldn’t expect to see from him. “but hey, that just means i have to live to fight another day.” he scratches his neck. “regrets and i aren’t good friends. i don’t want to go home and think, i should’ve done this or what if i’d done that. hopefully i won’t have to. hopefully the universe will be kind enough to give me one more opportunity to perform for the judges.”

“so how do you think you did with the performance you prepared?”

“there’s always room for improvement.” no matter what he feels about his performance right now, sungwoon knows he’ll discover a million things he could’ve done better once he stops and really thinks things through. it’s not in his nature to be complacent; the nagging voice in the back of his head criticizes more easily than it compliments. “i’m never fully satisfied with anything i do, but i think that’s a good thing. it just means i’ll keep pushing myself and keep try harder next time.” rather than being a burden, he thinks the attitude is a healthy one to carry into a competition like this one. 

“that being said…” the corners of sungwoon’s lips curve up, his previous serious expression fading. “this performance was representative of who i am. i worked on the piano rearrangement myself, and i really wanted to showcase a combination of my vocal and instrument skills. and i sang from the heart—which might not count for much, but that might be the most authentic performance i’ve given in my life, so how can i not be happy with it?” he’d left it all out there, bled himself dry, and he hopes at least a fraction of that came across to the ceos and to his audience. “my answer might be different tomorrow, but for now, i think i did alright.” 

“what did you think of joohyun’s performance? she sang a song by your band, empty enigma.” 

ah. surprise briefly flickers across sungwoon’s face before he can cover it up with a smile. it makes sense for the staff to ask him about her performance out of the other ninety-nine, but he can’t say he’s prepared to answer. “i still can’t believe it,” he chuckles, fingers idly picking at the stray threads sticking out of his pants. “my brain stopped functioning for a while. like, i actually thought i might’ve died and entered nirvana. for someone to perform our song on a stage like this one is… unreal.” his jaw dropped when he recognized the familiar music, the lyrics he’s come to associate with daniel pouring out of joohyun’s mouth. 

sheer shock eventually gave way to gratitude and confusion—why empty enigma? they’re not exactly… mainstream. it has to be a big risk doing one of their songs. sungwoon wonders if she did for daniel’s sake. he’s not sure what to feel about that, but now isn’t the time to unpack it either. instead, he presses both hands to his warm, pink cheeks as he thinks about the viewers hearing empty enigma’s music. joohyun’s done more to promote them than any of the band members have. “i’m thankful joohyun liked our music enough to do our song, and i think she did it beautifully.” he turns to the camera and sinks into a small bow. “thank you, joohyun! i hope someday we’ll be able to perform this song together!” 

“and what were your thoughts on your band members’ performances?” 

his face splits into a wide grin. “i thought you’d never ask.” sungwoon can talk about his friends and their performances for hours, but he tries to keep it brief. “all of them did a great job. i know i sound biased, but i didn’t realize how good most of them are, so actually seeing them up on stage was a shock for me.” he dives into woojin’s performance first since it’d left the strongest impact. “woojin… i didn’t know he could dance like that. i mean, we live together, but he’s a private person—so seeing all that charisma and raw talent come out? i’m proud but also slightly offended he didn’t tell me he could do that.” similarly, he didn’t know the full extent of kenta’s dance skills, though they’d come as less of a surprise than woojin. “kenta was also amazing. doing a jun song isn’t easy, but he pulled it off with elegance and charm. he’s truly a talented performer.” 

talking about minhyun is a lot easier when sungwoon doesn’t have to do so in front of him. “i knew minhyun could sing, but his dancing skills were a bit of a mystery to me.” pausing, sungwoon bursts out laughing as a thought hits him. “i guess that’s how you can tell we’re in a band, huh? none of us knew the others could dance.” he takes a brief moment to collect himself before continuing. “anyway, i really applaud him for showcasing both his singing and dancing today, and i love bruno. minhyun really did him justice.” god, he hopes this doesn’t air; sungwoon isn’t sure how he’d explain gushing about minhyun on camera to the man himself. “i believe minhyun has the confidence and talent to be an idol, so he’s definitely one of my top picks out of today.” 

finally, he comes to daniel and his eyes light up. “daniel… he’s polarizing. i’ve heard a lot of people say he isn’t talented, but he did an original song today. that has to count for something.” he loved daniel’s performance, but he’d probably love anything daniel does. the faint pink from earlier is still in his cheeks, and he hopes it isn’t obvious just how much he cares. just in case, sungwoon cuts it short. “his singing and stage skills have improved immensely, so i hope people recognize that and support him a lot this year. he deserves it.” 

“were there any performances you liked?”

there were a few sungwoon paid attention to aside from empty enigma and joohyun’s. “eunji—she did boa’s woman. i thought her voice and her presence were both commanding. i’m a fan. i enjoyed jeonghan’s song choice and vocal color as well; he’s a potential contestant i would definitely keep an eye out for.” he should probably diversify and mention more than just vocalists, but as one himself, sungwoon tends to focus on the competition more than the rest. “i heard someone sing day6’s shoot me—sihyeon, i think? i thought her song choice was very bold. i liked it.” day6’s music is some of his favorite to listen to, and he almost wishes he’d done of their songs as well. “hyojin’s acoustic cover was really good too. i wasn’t familiar with the song, but i like how he performed it.” 

this is harder than sungwoon anticipated; a lot of the performances that came first have blurred together in his mind. “some of the mash ups were very clever. i can respect the skill that goes into making them.” there were a few others, but he can’t remember them off the top of his head. “oh!” sungwoon says suddenly, smacking his palm with his fist. “the guy who did the trot version of lc9? i kinda enjoyed that. though my grandfather loves trot so i might just have a soft spot for it.” the name of the performer slips his mind, but the song itself is stuck in his head. 

“were there any performances you didn’t like?” 

sungwoon wonders how many people have actually answered this question. nobody wants to be edited as the designated asshole, so he imagines the answers have been safe so far. sungwoon isn’t eager to shoot himself in the foot either, but truthfully, there were a few he didn’t care for. “i think there are some performers who could probably benefit from a few years of experience,” sungwoon says carefully, his expression controlled into one of bland interest. “but shows like this have ways of making you grow up fast, so i don’t know if it’s all that important.” 

he wonders if he should just list the performances he didn’t like—the kid on skates, for one, because this is an idol competition. the one who’d done the baby shark remix didn’t seem all that serious either. “i also hope more contestants take the competition seriously moving forward.” sungwoon could rip into a few vocal performances if he really wanted to, but he eventually shakes his head and flashes the interviewer a smile. “i don’t think my opinion matters much, so i’ll leave it there.” 

“is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?”

“mason,” he says bluntly. “but everyone can probably see that coming.” it’s wild to think a debuted idol is on this show, and such a high profile one. his sheer wealth of experience both terrifies and inflames sungwoon; he doesn’t want to just roll over and lose to someone like that. “he’s a former idol with a fanbase, with the skills and training, and with the prior experience to kill it in this competition. i believe he’ll make it to the finale.” is it unfair? maybe. if sungwoon’s worried about going up against him, he wonders how some of the green newbies feel. “i hear there are a few other debuted idols here too. junhee—he did jonas brothers? i heard he was an idol as well, so he’ll probably have an edge over the rest and make it through easily. you can’t deny that people who’ve experienced this lifestyle, whether as idols or trainees, have a distinct advantage in this competition.” 

other than that… “i think moonbok might move onto the next phase; he was on the mgas last year. i hope joohyun goes through since she deserves it the most, probably.” for fairness’ sake, he should mention people he hasn’t spoken about yet. “i’m confident minkyung will, and likely chan as well. i remember being impressed by him.” and last season didn’t have many rappers, so sungwoon is positive at least a few will go through now. “if any of these predictions come true, maybe i can see the future?” he breaks off and laughs at the thought. him, a psychic? “i hope that’s true! it’d be cool.”   

“some would say you also have an advantage over others as a member of a band.” 

some? sungwoon would like to meet them. “maybe? but performing as part of a band and as an idol are two different things.” he’s not sure how to explain this to someone who hasn’t experienced the energies for themselves, but you can’t compare the two. “the way you play to the crowd—and play off them—differs when you’re in a band. it’s a lot more casual and fun and intimate in some cases.” personally, he thinks it’s freeing; there are less rules and restrictions, no illusion of perfection to maintain. 

“as an idol, you need to be more poised and precise with everything you do. i mean, i can’t say for sure, but from what i experienced during the mgas last year, it was… nothing like i was used to. the expectations for idols are sky high.” sungwoon shrugs and claps his hands together. “i don’t think my band history gives me much of an edge over anyone.” his fellow competitors don’t have to agree, but at least sungwoon made an attempt to clear the air.  

“is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?”

he grins slowly and shakes his head. “that’s not for me to judge, is it?” no way is sungwoon getting caught out on that question. but privately, he thinks skater boy is probably a goner. 

“thank you for your time. you may now return to your seat.” 

“thanks for all your hard work.” exchanging farewells with the interviewer, he heads back to his seat, eager to discuss with his friends as they wait for the eliminations to take place. maybe the interview could’ve gone a bit better, but sungwoon is glad he didn’t say something dumb. it’ll have to do for now.

[rkjulia]

MGA: SEASON FIVE, ‘19! episode zero ⇢ the callback part one: dancing + singing, chi chi’s “into the new world”           the fromis_9 edition ( 0:00 - 1:55 )

kokoro stares at the email sitting in her inbox with utter disbelief. and for a good while, too. she is hesitant to click on it, still so absorbed by the text in the title and what it is she’s reading. but she somehow manages to convince herself to actually delve a little deeper and read the actual email, rather than the title ten times over. and so she does, once and then twice before going back over it a third time. is this what she thinks it is? is this really a ... callback notice? it couldn’t be that, no ... why would they contact kokoro for a callback? she furrows her brows, reading the email again. she’s tempted to forward the email to yuri to ask if she’s reading it correctly. maybe yuri would then tell her that this is more so a thanks for trying notice. that would settle her nerves, kokoro knows she’s looking way too far into this. and after forwarding it to yuri, turns out this wasn’t a scam or a prank of sorts. kokoro had read this entirely correctly. it really was a callback.

and kokoro was invited.

it really felt like only yesterday that kokoro had began to contemplate auditioning for the show. 

it only felt like yesterday that kokoro had began contemplating on auditioning for the show; night after night of going back and forth on a dream she thought she had left behind when she moved to seoul. the first audition had come and gone in an absolute blur, and somehow no one had really gotten suspicious about kokoro’s whereabouts on that very day. and now here she was, at an actual television set, with two of her best friends. bright lights hanging overhead and large, expensive cameras directed towards her and the rest of the contestants. kokoro sits upright in her chair, bright eyed, doing her best to survey her surroundings. she follows the prompts given to her by staff members and producers carefully, knowing there is no room for mistakes. this is going to be going to air, on actual live television. kokoro totally lets the fact that her mother or her step-sister might see this, and if she does think it, she pushes it to the back of her mind. for now. she’s sitting with yuri and yuqi, feeling less nervous about performing in front of a large crowd, but she can’t help but wonder who the panel of judges will be made up of.

kokoro ends up finding a lot of familiar faces amidst the crowd of contestants around herself, yuri and yuqi. she finds yoona, her dance dance revolution companion and jeongin, the k.arma fan from the showcase she went to a month or two back. she even happens across the boy from the royal cafe who ended up wearing her hot chocolate, a memory she would much rather forget. she hopes and prays that he doesn’t look back and catch sight of her. kokoro would of never of taken him for someone like her, a hopeful of sorts, someone looking to break into the industry. he seemed too ... cool for that. but everyone was here for their own reason, as basic or complex as it may be. and who was kokoro to judge? she was here for her own reason, albeit generic. there are hushed whispers and questions about who is going to be sitting on the panel for this round, and some people offer up guesses while others keep their lips sealed in anticipation. the 100 chairs have been filled by contestants, eagerly waiting for their chance to shine.

and then their questions have been answered. appearing from out of nowhere, or so it seems, is the ceos of the five, top companies in south korea, trc entertainment, kt entertainment, sphere entertainment, royal entertainment and nova entertainment. the reaction is positive, kokoro is guessing that a lot of people are losing their minds right now, although some people are probably dreading the fact that the ceos are getting involved so early in the competition. and no one’s fate has been set in stone. kokoro’s reaction is a mixture of surprise and excitement. she realises that she’s never seen the ceos up close before, or actually ever. everyone looks so big and famous, kokoro isn’t too sure that they’re all worthy to be sitting in the same room as these people. 

the callback process begins as one would expect. one by one, each contestant is called forward to show off their skills. they have two minutes to impress the judges and ignite fear in their fellow contestants before returning to their seat and so on. that was the jist of things, or that’s at least what kokoro understood after the first two people had gone forward. she pulls at the hem of her skirt. she knows that from here on out, her charms and cuteness alone aren’t going to get her very far and kokoro starts to understand that maybe she’s not cut out for this sort of stuff. the other contestants are really good dancers, really good singers and really good rappers, almost brimming on trainee or idol level good. kokoro though, hasn’t ever really had any formal training. she’s taken some dance classes and she was in school choir. her parents were never really big on her joining an academy to perfect her skills, well, her father was persistent that kokoro do what make her happy. her mother on the other hand, she was adamant about kokoro doing well in school and with her studies. having had her father absent during her teenage years, it’s easy to see the path kokoro had followed. the path free of any hopes and dreams she had.

     “and next up, we have ... kato kokoro.”

amidst her thoughts, kokoro’s name is called. she’s rather startled, looking across to the panel of judges, spotting katie lee, holding a microphone. it was a woman’s voice in introduced her, so it must of been katie lee. kokoro smiles, getting to her feet before making her way down to the front of the stage, being careful to not step any toes or trip on anything. because that would be very kokoro of her and typical, especially since this was going to be aired on television. she pulls her skirt straight before falling into a polite bow, holding it for a moment before standing upright once again. brushing both of her twin tails back over her shoulder, she looks towards each of the ceos with a bright smile. “hello everyone!” she says enthusiastically, waving both of her hands either side of her face. “my name is kato kokoro, please take care of me.” she doesn’t let on to what it is she’s performing today, and she hasn’t any intentions. the opening notes of the song will do all the talking for her. into the new world, by the nation’s girl group, chi chi. kokoro had heard that it was a song of importance to young people in south korea, a song of hope. 

it was a song she had heard prior to coming to south korea, it was just one of those songs that transcended languages and touched her heart. and that’s what she wants to do today, give a performance that is full of heart. an idol to kokoro is someone who brings others joy through song and dance. they may not necessarily be the best, but when they dance, they give their all. their passion shows. although kokoro is fearful that she may not be as skilled as some of the other contestants in terms of technique or skill, she knows that she has the ability to out do them in one aspect; in heart. she knows, standing there, center stage that this routine will be full of it.

and the song begins to play. it’s familiar to everyone in the room. it’s a song that everyone knows the words to, even kokoro. admittedly, she hesitated upon choosing a korean song to sing at her callback, but she needs to prove that she’s competent with the language. maybe not so much with interviews and general speaking, but with singing. she wants to prove something to herself. she stands there, hands gently folded behind her back as she looks out towards the panel of judges. as the beat drops, kokoro’s smile widens and she nods her head, moving forward into the choreography seamlessly. for a song that is over ten years old, it’s aged very well.

i want to tell you, even though the sad times have already past. close your eyes and feel my moved heart, my gaze at you.

don’t wait for a special miracle, there’s a tough road in front of us, with unknowable an unknowable future and obstacles, i won’t change. i can’t give up. 

kokoro’s voice is soft, her accent present. however, thankfully the tone of the song works with her, rather than against her. the beginning of the song is much more forgiving and kokoro knows she doesn’t have the vocal chords to challenge the end of the song with the high notes and the adlibs. she isn’t out here to butcher a korean classic. a part of kokoro can’t help but wonder if she really is good enough, strong enough to withhold the idol industry of korea. perhaps they aren’t interested in heart; performances that are wholesome and meaningful. perhaps they really do only believe in the best of the best. she knows too well that she isn’t the best dancer, nor the best vocalist but kokoro makes sure that she hits every single dance move, sharp and precise, as though this is dance dance revolution and she’s out to hit her highest score yet. even despite the foreign words flowing from kokoro’s mouth, something about this feels so normal to her.

protect me with an unchanged love, also my wounded heart. looking in your eyes, no words are needed, time has stopped. 

the song builds ever so slowly, inching towards the chorus. and as the song builds up, so does kokoro’s energy. the chorus hits and kokoro quite literally jumps into it, her smile becomes bigger and brighter. this is the feeling she chases, the feeling she so desperately wants others to feel. when people hear the music they love, they should want to get up onto their feet to dance and sing along. she wonders if the other contestants, or even the ceos themselves are surprised by her song choice ... or perhaps it was a given that she, the foreigner, would perform a classic like into the new world? into the new world was a right of passage for so many girl groups in korea, so why couldn’t it be a right of passage for a hopeful like herself?

i love you, just like this. the longed end of wandering, i leave behind this world’s unending sadness. 

in the many unknowable paths, i follow a dim light. it’s something we’ll do together to the end, into my new world.

she is no longer fearful of the outcome of this callback. whether she goes beyond her wildest dreams or falters right here, right now; she has come to realise that she is grateful for one thing; the opportunity to feel again, to feel this happy, this confident and this comfortable whilst dancing and singing to a song like such. the song cuts short before the dance break, which kokoro would of happily performed, only doing so would of pushed her over the two minute mark. pushing her hand outwards to her side she sings the final words of the chorus; it’s something we’ll do together to the end, into my new world. before finishing as she started, hands laced together behind her back. her chest rises and falls ever so slightly, she’s ashamed to admit she’s out of breath. but perhaps not so much from the singing and dancing itself, but from the excitement and the emotion she’s feeling right now. and not even then does her smile falter. it’s kokoro’s one constant. she gracefully falls into a bow, her twin tails becoming curtains, blacking out her vision for a moment before she straightens herself up, brushing them back behind her shoulders. she looks around at the other contestants and the ceos one last time, wanting desperately to savour this moment. it could be the last time she sees a stage like this ...

     or it could be the beginning of something new.

[rkhyxnggu]

                             ╰☆╮ One of a Kind ╰☆╮

0:52 - 2:27

Outfit

Mentioned (some briefly): @yuzurk, @hobirk, @rkbclla, @rkapril

Congratulations! You were one of 100 chosen to continue to the televised callback stage.

This was something Kim Seokjin did not expect.

He had woken up as usual and followed his routine of checking his phone. When he had gotten to his emails stage, he was surprised to see an email from the mga staff. Expecting it to be a rejection, Jin casually opened the email and began reading it. The further he read, the more surprised and shocked he was. He had never expected to make it this far and now he was being invited to the next stage. The only thing was it was televised. Jin spends all his time in front of cameras, but this was something completely different. He quickly typed quick texts to those he thought he should tell, and he gave his grandmother a quick call. He ended the call with a small smile on his face. His grandmother always knew how to uplift him.

He continued about his day as usual and thought about what he could perform. It took him some time, but he finally decided on the perfect song.

D-Day was finally here, and Kim Seokjin was about to take one step closer to his dreams of being a rapper. The line was not as long, and the crowd was not as large as they had been at auditions. He was sure there were thousands that auditioned. This thought only made him feel even more shocked that he had made it this far. He did enter just for shits and giggles. He never expected to go through.

Inside, the chairs were set out to the side of the stage and a large table was placed in the centre. There were five chairs from what Jin could count, which meant there were going to be five judges. Interesting. Jin only really knew two people who were at the auditions; his sister, and Hoseok. There were a few people he knew by face or acquaintances, like Bella. Being a personality meant that he would collect himself an anti-fan or two, and one of those antis was also here. He had seen her outside. Hers was the performance he was waiting for the most.

The more people sat down, the more crowded everyone looked. He was just glad that he was sitting near Yena. The show started, and everyone seemed to focus on the stage. Jin sat back in his chair and placed his bent leg over his other thigh. He listened to whoever was talking. He had missed that part and now he had to go all show without a name. He didn’t care as he wouldn’t need to interact with the host. All he cared about was who was judging.

And what a shock that was.

When the five judges were revealed to be the CEOs of the five big companies, everyone seemed to have a big reaction. Some gasped, others had a hand over their mouths. Jin seemed to be the only one who remained relatively calm. He was starstruck by seeing Tiger JK, however. TRC was his dream company and always had been. Tiger JK was an idol and an influence.

Once everyone was settled again, the performances started. He felt kind of bad for those that were going first, as first sets the standard, and last, as everyone is tired and worn out. He only hoped that he could find himself in the middle somehow.

There were people from all over the world it seemed, and Jin was amazed at how many people had seemed to come from abroad. Growing up overseas sounded like an adventure that he was glad he did not partake in. he loved Korea and being Korean and wouldn’t trade it for the world. He listened to the introductions and he watched the performances, making sure to take notes as they went. There were a few Japanese contestants and one of them skated his way off the stage, which made Seokjin let out a snort of laughter. He shouldn’t be laughing but it was funny, and he didn’t care.

Kim Seokjin watched his sister with pride. She was the only one he paid his full and uttermost attention to, and the only one he cared about. He smiled as she danced and laughed softly at her introduction. He was like a proud dad watching his child perform. Except it wasn’t a child, but his sister. When she finished, he clapped loudly and cheered for her. Once she was back at her seat he informed her of how proud he was and of how well she did. There were a few more performances for him to sit through before it was his turn to shine, as they say.

❝ Kim Seokjin ❞

Of all the judges to call his name, his idol was the one to do it. Tiger JK had called out his name and he was frozen for a second in shock and awe. It took a moment for him to snap back to reality as he made his way onto the stage, facing the judges.

❝ Uh hello. I’m Kim Seokjin. You can call me Arrow. 24. Daegu born. I think that’s it? ❞ He shrugged and smiled slightly at the judges as he waited for his backing track to play.

Jin had decided to both rap and dance, while focusing on his rapping, as it was his strongest skill. He had chosen a fun song that is easy to dance to and fun to rap. It wasn’t the hardest rap song in the world, but it was fast enough to not detach from his technique when he danced. The music began, and he started off confidently.

I’ll run over to you with just one phone call, my number is 1988-0818 Let everyone you meet know, I’m the first class of the celebrity world Because I’m different, because that’s just me, because people go crazy over anything I do Because I create trends, because I change everything so this skill isn’t going anywhere

The verse wasn’t long nor too challenging, so he had seemingly breezed through it. What the rap lack in difficulty, he tried to make up for in his dance. His rapping was strong and confident, and his moves were clean and sharp. Being on a stage was nothing new to the rapper. He felt at home. It was almost like another night underground. Jin made sure to remain confident and keep a strong stage presence as he performed.

Get back, this isn’t a joke Young and rich, that’s just me So I’m fast, so what? It’s okay, are you joking right now? Cuz I’m not joking

This song had English parts which weren’t hard for him as he knew enough of the language to pronounce the words as best he could. He kept his dancing strong and free. He didn’t dance the entire time, he would also move around the stage as any rapper would do.

(Hello) Yes sir, one of a kind I’m a talented bear (no) more of a fox than a bear

(Hello hello hello) Yes sir, one of a kind I’m a douche, (wuh) I’m an expensive person (get out)

The chorus was easy and fun as he didn’t need to do the hello parts, so he could focus on his dancing. The moves in the chorus were fun and energetic.

This is already my second album, I don’t steal from empty homes My rap takes her to the bedroom and lays her down Yeah, I’m busy busy Money flowers bloom at my business

I don’t rest cuz my songs build buildings – (I love it)

Seokjin continued to behave like he does on any underground stage. He would walk from left to right or right to left while also moving his free hand. He would dance when he could without getting too distracted from his technique and breathing.

“This tiny guy tries to come on stage and stir things up But I don’t like it, it’s not pleasant to see I turn my head here and there and wherever I go, it’s his music His pictures are everywhere, even though he pretends he’s crazy, they can’t sell his stuff because they don’t have it”

You can’t live because of me?

He rapped faster this time, trying to show what he could do without rapping too fast. He still danced and his confidence grew.

Get back, this isn’t a joke, young and rich, that’s just me So I’m fast, so what? It’s okay, you think I’m joking? Cuz I’m not joking

Lalala please view me in a pretty way, don’t speak about me Lalala please accept me in a cute way, please love me

Seokjin ended on a high and he bowed before the judges. He thanked them and made his way off the stage. He was done, and he had some time before the interview, so the rapper set about finding himself a toilet. He’d been busting since they started, and his performance only made it worse.

[rkkyul]

190627 MGA SEASON 5  +  EPISODE ONE ⟨  ━━  ❀ °    PART TWO: THE INTERVIEW  ⟩ 

MENTIONED: @rkyq, @rkxminkyung, @rkxbin, @rkyuna, @rkheejin, @rkharuto, @yuzurk, @rkumji, @rkseunghun, @rkyuri, @rkkhg ~ let me know if this is okay or if something needs to be changed !

after everyone had finished their performances, kyulkyung expected to just sit around and wait while the CEOs discussed their fate on the show. much to her surprise, however, it was time for them to do interviews about the day’s events. the woman originally thought she wasn’t too good at interviews, but last week had proven her wrong. she thought she did pretty well, so to say she was excited about this was an understatement.

she was relieved to have someone touch her makeup that had no doubt become overly shiny by now. kyulkyung closed her eyes allowed the makeup artists to do whatever, thanking them afterwards and preparing herself before the camera turned on. “you good?” the woman who kyulkyung assumed would be giving the interview asked, returning her question with a nod and smile before they were beginning.

Q & A    SO NOW THAT YOU’RE HERE, IS IT WHAT YOU EXPECTED?

“i have never been on a set like this, so i didn’t really know what to think.” kyulkyung didn’t think it was amazing or lack luster, and honestly didn’t pay too much attention to it. the woman paid more attention to the other contestants and the judges than the setup, in all honesty. “i was just so excited to be able to watch everyone else - i didn’t know if we would get to do that. there were a lot of talented people and then there were... others?” she laughed, waving her hands wildly in front of the camera. “i don’t mean that in a bad way!” 

“there were just some people who were really inexperienced, it was just surprising is all!”

Q & A    WHAT WAS IT LIKE FINDING OUT YOU GOT A CALLBACK?

“it was a huge relief.” thinking about how anxious she was made her almost nauseous. "waiting is always the worst part of auditions, i couldn’t wait to figure out - good or bad.” the whole week prior to the email, kyulkyung told herself that she had made it, there was no way she hadn’t but in the end, that all meant nothing until she opened that callback email. 

Q & A    HOW DO YOU THINK TODAY’S PERFORMANCE WENT?

“i did it without shoes!!” she groaned, not even bothering to filter her thoughts. “i don’t now why i did that, i guess i just got caught up. i was just trying to hurry!” the more she thought about it, the more she grew embarrassed about the whole thing. she put her pointe shoes on before going up on stage, and held her introduction up in the process. maybe it’s karma for being slow, but now she’s worried she screwed the whole thing up.

“oh my god, i bet my feet were dirty.” she really just needed to quit thinking about it. 

Q & A    WERE THERE ANY PERFORMANCES YOU LIKED?

“easy! hmm there were a lot actually. yuqi was not doubt amazing, but i’m a little biased.” it wasn’t hard for her to admit she enjoyed her competition; otherwise, it was boring. “oh there’s heejin and haruto, they were just so cute. i couldn’t imagine doing this at their ages. and yuri, i’m honestly a sucker for musicals.” she paused for a moment, trying to mention all of the ones that really caught her eye. “oh and there was some rapper... changbin i think it was? yea, he was really cool. i don’t know much about rap, but it sounded good! there was also seunghun and hyunggu who were really good. ”

Q & A    AND WHO DIDN’T YOU LIKE?

“also pretty easy... um let’s see.” kyulkyung began thinking back, listing all the performance who were just a let down and then the one that were just not good. “that one yuna girl was... not my favorite. baby shark is so... bleh. the song choice just ruined it for me, really.” she was more hesitant with her next words, not really sure how she felt about the next performance she was about to mention. “there was also yena who i thought did pretty well, her charisma was amazing - like a little firecracker. but i’m not sure how i’m feeling about her sound while she was dancing.” 

Q & A    HOW DID YOU FEEL ABOUT KIM MINKYUNG’S PERFORMANCE?

“how did i know you were going to ask me that...” minkyung, the pretty girl who was sitting next to her today. the girl who seemed to not mind talking to her throughout the performances and they exchanged a few opinions. “she’s so pretty, but don’t you think she’s a little too cocky? it kinda ruins it for me.” kyulkyung didn’t want to admit that the other intimated her in a way. she had finally found the competition she was looking for, and she was right next to her the whole time.

Q & A    DOES SHE THREATEN YOU?

kyulkyung’s cheeks lit up as she wildly shook her head, trying to dismiss the idea that the interviewer had seemed to catch onto. or maybe they were just trying to start some kind of drama, she didn’t know. “no! i mean she was average? i don’t know, don’t you think it’s too early to say?”

the woman pauses and smiles after a moment, teasing the interview. “i’ll let you know if we both pass the next round.”

Q & A    AND FINALLY, WHO DO YOU THINK WILL BE ELIMINATED TODAY?

“ah, i don’t feel like i should say this.” she shook her head and laughed, not really wanting to put anyone down. of course she had her opinions, but when elimination came into play it was kind of tough to be honest. the interviewer shook her head and motioned for her to continue despite kyulkyung’s hesitance. “i mean, it’s a competition so someone’s going to go home... i think that umji girl might. she just doesn’t seem experienced and i think this will be really tough on her.”

[rkjeno]

〈♫〉MGAS SEASON 5 → 02. post-performance interview.

after the last performance, jeno kind of figured that would be the last big thing of the day. unfortunately, he had another thing coming. given he was so incredibly stoked to be met with an interview the first time, clearly he felt just as much excitement this time around. in other words, he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. he managed to sing in front of a hundred people, but talking in front of a camera seemed completely unrealistic and impossible. every time those types of thoughts play through his mind, he feels slightly amused. he really is a work of art, isn’t he? he could have been blessed with a mind that didn’t overthink and a heart that didn’t make him feel like it was going into overdrive on the daily. alas...

once he was comfortably sitting in the seat and positioned in front of the interviewer, he managed his biggest, warmest smile and let out a nervous sigh. it was following by soft, airy laughter as he laced his fingers together and rested his hands in his lap. he wasn’t sure what sort of questions he was going to be met with this time, though he had a feeling that they’d be a lot less effortless than the last ones. still, he has surprised himself before, so he tried not to get too worked up before knowing what was going to happen ( even though that’s always the situations in which he is the most worked up... he needs to know things ).

“how did you feel when you received the news of the callback?”

"oh...” his immediate reaction amused him, which left him briefly laughing for a few moments after. if only he was better at gathering his thoughts in the blink of an eye or speaking before he’s played it through his mind. “well, truthfully, i was really panicked. i didn’t even open the email right away because i was afraid that it was going to be bad news.” a sheepish smile accompanies his confession, and he scratches at the back of his neck for a moment before continuing. “i think it took me about an hour to finally work up the courage to see what was happening. once i saw that i made it through, i was surprised. out of all of the people that initially auditioned, i was very grateful to have been one of the top one-hundred. when i was little, a hundred seemed like a huge number to me, but by now, i can see how fortunate i am to be here today. it was a nice feeling... a feeling of accomplishment.”

“how was it seeing the set for the first time?”

he takes a moment before making any sort of noise or giving the interviewer some other sort of reaction, since he needed to mentally revisit his experience, trying to remember what the first emotion he felt upon witnessing it was. “surreal? it felt like i was visiting something that i wasn’t actually apart of. i think at first, i probably felt like i was just going to be someone in the audience that watches the competition, because i haven’t ever been anywhere like this before where i was... involved. does that make sense? i kind of felt like i was visiting some imaginary thing from tv. like... it’s hard to actually see these kind of sets as real when they’ve ever only existed on the television before. it took some sinking in for me to finally accept that this was real, and it was something that i was going to be a part of.”

“what did you think when the judges were revealed?”

"i think that i was convinced that it was over for me.” light, amused laughter spills from his lips as he leans back in his chair a little, tilting his head to the side as he tried to gather more of his thoughts. “i have never seen these people in person before, as far as i can recall. so, seeing them for the first time was overwhelming enough, but that was just intensified upon realizing that they were going to be judging me. they’re all respected, talented, and powerful people... they can bend a lot of things to their will, and i think that sort of intimidated and scared me.”

“how do you think you did?”

"um... i am pretty sure that i did well. or, as well as i planned to. in comparison to other people’s ideas of what ‘good’ means, i have no idea. i don’t know if the judges will like me or if the other contestants will think that i deserve to be here... but when it comes to my own thoughts and what i had in mind, i met my own expectations.”

“were there any performances you liked?”

this was a question that he predicted the second that he sat down for an interview. after having the opportunity to watch everyone and take note of what they did, surely these people would be curious about everyone’s opinions. it’s with a large, excited grin that he is able to answer, “yeah! totally... there were a lot of performances that i liked. i just enjoyed seeing what everybody had to offer since we’re all so different and everyone’s minds are wired to come up with different ideas and it’s really fun seeing the spins that get put on things. i really, really loved watching ha sungwoon? i think that was his name... the one that performed a fall out boy song on the piano. he was very talented and he had something going for him that i wish i could acquire. fall out boy is one of my favorite bands, so maybe i was biased watching him to start with, but his talent just... proved to me that he deserved whatever interest i took in him. it made me wish that i had chosen to play an instrument this time around, too. also, lee seoyeon’s performance was really pretty and enjoyable as well. i have always really liked her voice. we’ve been friends for a while and i think she deserves to make it far. na jaemin and song yuqi’s performances were also fun for me to watch. i hope that they get as far as i know that they deserve to. i’m constantly surprised by all of this talent that i hardly knew existed. it’s fun to experience.”

“were there any performances you didn’t like?”

"mm... i mean... there were performances that i enjoyed less than others, but i think that’s just natural. i didn’t see anything that i just absolutely hated, but sometimes i would just quietly laugh to myself and think ‘what??’ especially when that lee jeno guy made his way onto stage... how embarrassing for him.” once finished answering, he playfully laughed, feeling his face behind to slightly warm up. he was always a master at embarrassing himself.

“is there anyone you are certain will move onto the next phase of the mgas?”

"kang daniel. i should have mentioned him when it came to performances that i liked, i guess i was just trying so hard not to forget anyone that i did... but he is so talented and pretty known... well, i know about him, at least. i guess i can’t really speak for everybody, i just think it would be ridiculous and a big mistake if he didn’t move on to the next phase.”

“is there anyone you are certain will be eliminated today?”

the question causes him to panic just a little. it probably shows on his face in the way that his eyes slightly widen and he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. he takes several moments of being silent before he even attempts to answer the interviewer. “no. i’m not certain of anything. i mean... i don’t think anyone can be. mistakes were made here and there, but even so... there’s not a way of knowing until it happens. people who i thought performed flawlessly could be eliminated while people that i thought needed more practice could win it all. it’s all up to the judges and we all just have to... hope that it isn’t us... but it’s going to be someone, sadly. maybe that will be me. nobody can be sure right this second.”

[moonbokrk]

MGA Season 5 - Episode 1 Callback Audition - Singing and Rapping Performing: RED - JMVOK ft. Yoon Heeseok and So Jihyuk (00:00 - 01:36 and 03:08 to 03:17) Outfit: x Hair and hat reference: x Mentioned: @ericxrk, @rkyoona, @yuzurk, @rkxbin​, @rkharuto​, @rkpjihyo​, @rkars

‘You have made it through to the callback auditions for this season.’

Even though he’d had confidence in his initial audition, having known that he’d improved a lot in the last year, there was still that niggling sense of doubt in the back of his mind. The thought of ‘I’m still not good enough for this’ that would plague him for the next two weeks when Moonbok was unable to get to sleep. So when the confirmation email arrives, he feels a little bit of the tension within him ease.

On the morning of the callback, he stares at himself critically in the mirror, clothes strewn around the room as though he’d ransacked his closet trying to find something to suit the occasion. (Which, to be fair, he did.) When he’d been at home for the weekend, trimming his hair and letting Chaewon color it so it looked like ‘mermaid hair’ (her words, not his) had seemed like a good idea at the time. And don’t get him wrong, he still loves how it came out, the greens and purples blending in wonderfully with his own dark hair. But Hyun Bin’s words about his looks last year make Moonbok uneasy. He doesn’t want to be giving off the impression that he was using his hair and good looks to progress through the competition again this year. He truly wanted to be remembered for his performances and the effort he’d put into them, not just for his mistakes and for being ‘that long-haired rapper.’ With a groan, he simply turned his back on the mirror and dressed himself in the outfit he’d found the best sutible; not overtly casual like what he’d worn for the preliminaries, but not so formal as to stand out even more. Plopping his favourite hat onto his head, he made a face at his reflection.

“Let’s try not to screw things up today, alright?”

                                                           --------------------

Arriving at the venue, Moonbok’s eyes widen at the amount of people who made it to this round. He was sure there had only been about half as many people this time last year. Eyes roving amongst the crowd, he quickly finds Changbin and engages him in conversation, both of them laughing at how all of odd soc managed to make it to the callback. Before long, he’s caught by Yoona, his cousin almost beside herself from nerves. Though he can’t help but grin and tease her a little.

“I guess you didn’t do as badly in the interview as you thought you did, noona~” 

While they all loiter around waiting for the go-ahead to enter the set, Moonbok tryies to get Yoona to calm down a little before he spies a younger girl who’s winding her hair around her hands and generally also looking very panicky. Managing to extricate himself from Yoona’s hold for a moments, he goes over to the other girl, understanding her feelings completely. He does his best to provide some comfort; once she introduces herself, he remembers Sihyeon as someone who’d been an active twitter commentator during the last season and joking tells her that there’s no way she can do any worse than he did.

Eventually, they’re allowed onto the set to take their seats and Moonbok can’t help but laugh as he sees the layout, 50 chairs on tiers on each side of the stage, and the judge’s table in front of them all.

“Have we wandered on to the set of Produce 101 or something?” he jokes, unable to stop himself from noticing the similarities to the other popular survival program. Taking their seats, Moonbok does his best to hide a wince as Yoona’s hand clamps down on his almost painfully. At least he’s distracted from his own nerves, but he’s afraid that if his cousin grips him any tighter, she’ll actually break his hand. 

“Noonaaaa..... I still need to be able to use my hand after this, come on! It’ll be alright, if I could survive this round this last, than you can--”

Anything else Moonbok plans to say is cut off by the sound of a collective gasp causes Moonbok to tear his eyes away from his cousin and to the stage where, unsurprisingly to him at least, the five CEOs were making their way to the table. And while he was unsurprised, Moonbok could exactly say he was at ease either, swallowing hard. Even after being in this position last year and having performed in front of Tiger JK at the Triple Threat Challenge a few weeks ago, he can’t help be slightly intimidated by their presence. Luckily his attention is diverted by Yena, whose eye he manages to catch and he waves in response to her thumbs up, returning her mouthed ‘good luck!’

The first few performances are entertaining, and Moonbok can’t help but be amazed at Eric’s performance, and not just because of the younger boy’s attire. (How had he been let out of the house like that?!) He could never remember the boy having performed to a song by a boy group, knowing how much the younger was obsessed with girl groups. He’s impressed by his showing though, and is proud of the younger for trying the rap, even though he knows it’s far from being his specialty and applauds loudly when Eric returns to his seat.

He cheers loudly when Yoona delivers her performance, but yelps in shock as she trips on the way back to her seat. Luckily, she doesn’t seem hurt, but that doesn’t stop Moonbok from chiding her gently.

“Noona, be careful, please. Uncle would end me if you hurt yourself.”

She isn’t the only one to fall either. When Haruto crashes off the stage, Moonbok leaps out of his seat with an panicked “oh crap, is he ok?!” feeling like he was one of the few that wasn’t laughing at the other’s misfortune. He’s about to dash down to the stage and check for himself if the boy is injured or not when Haruto manages to get back to his feet and make his way back to his seat. Still, Moonbok’s worried expression doesn’t fade and he has to be tugged back into his seat by Yoona.

“Jang Moonbok!”

After what seems like both forever and in no time at all, Moonbok’s stomach lurches and his heart skips a beat as his name is called out by Hyun Bin. Of all people to call him to perform, it had to Hyun Bin, the man who’d eliminated him last year. Swallowing hard, he squeezes Yoona’s hand one last time before making his way to the stage, schooling his expression into what he hopes is calm and collected, even as his heart hammers in his chest.

Reaching the stage, he quickly pulls his hat off in order to bow to the judges and his fellow contestants, smiling despite his nerves as it finally kicks in that he’ll be performing for an audience once again, that he’ll soon feel that rush kick in again.

“Hello, I’m Jang Moonbok! I participated last year, but I was eliminated very early on...” He trails off, forcing himself to stare straight ahead at the camera before collecting his with again.

“I hope I’ll leave a better impression on everyone this year, though! I’ll be performing a song I wrote myself. It’s called Red and I hope you’ll like it.”

His brief piece said, he takes a step back as the music he provided begins. He closes his eyes for a moment, counting down the seconds in his head for his cue to start before throwing himself straight into his performance. No more hanging back, not now.

When I see this pitch black night As I look at the breath and words I long for I can’t just stay still today I wish I can do what I want just for today

One year later and sometime he feels like he hasn’t made much progress on his path in becoming an idol. Failed to be scouted during Halloween, never receiving a callback after TTC, sometimes he wonders if this is a sign that maybe he should just give up. But the thought galls him; he’s sacrificed too much to quit. Besides, he still has odd society to support him, his friends in various companies waiting for him. Here, once again today, he can try to make his dreams come true.

I don’t know you know me?

There is a dance to go with this song, it had been choreographed for him, Jihyuk and Heeseok. But without the other two there, Moonbok doesn’t feel confident enough to attempt it. Instead, he strides across the stage with the mic in hand, truly unable to stay still, but always making sure he can be heard.

I’m placing you in me If the world is prettier than you, that’s incomprehensible In just a few days, the mystery keeps growing Biting between day and night The sign of love is getting tainted

He can’t help but let his thoughts drift to Jihyo and he almost wishes he’d told her that he’d made it to the callback, or had even entered the competition at all. Involuntarily, a smile creeps onto his face as he raps. What they have is still something of a mystery, but at this stage, he's in no hurry to try and change anything. But at the same time he doesn’t want whatever they have to be tainted by anything, not even pity. Which is why he has to get through this round.

Fill me up with your color Without any spaces, hold me tight Just tell me, whatever you want Pour it out, don’t let anything remain Girl you got that

The rap turns more melodic now, somewhere between his own style and actual singing. Moving across the stage with the beat of the music, his previous nerves are forgotten for now. Instead, he thinks back to when he’d called to Jihyo’s house a few weeks ago. He’d been earlier than planned and had got a glimpse of the girl bare-faced. Though she’d quickly banished him to the kitchen to wait while she made herself up, Moonbok hadn’t missed the small smile she’d given him when he’d sincerely complimented how she looked. It was nice to see a softer side of Jihyo and Moonbok hoped she’d let him see more of it.

Returning to center stage after his striding in time with the beat, he replaces the microphone in its stand and Moonbok lets his gaze scan the judges’ face. Their expressions are unreadable, but he hopes that he’s making a good impression. Quickly taking a second to tuck a stray lock of hair behind his ear and without missing a beat, he continues on, this time staying put.

You’re so bright, yeah It’s burning red Tell me what you want yeah Tell me what you need girl Even if it’s in a cave I’ll go inside

He’ll do whatever it takes, not just to achieve his dream, but to make everyone around him happy. To make Youngjae laugh in a way that isn’t sarcastic for once, to give Yoona a reason to be proud of him when her father bitched about him at every turn and to show his parents that they didn’t have worry about his future anymore. That no matter what was coming, he had a plan.

You are like red Like red Right now I want to get closer to you Yeah We are like red Like red So bright, I’m amazed Whenever I see you

He’s glad they’d had an intensive week of singing classes in SNU the other month, it makes singing these high parts much easier. While he wouldn’t say he's good as Heeseok or Jihyuk, his voice isn’t cracking and stays stable. He hopes that when (if) this is aired, they’ll enjoy how this sounds with just one performer.

Or else they’ll roast him alive. One or the other.

You make me sing it La la la la la Yeah La la la la la you win it La la la la la la la la You make me sing it

This was only supposed to be a filler part while Moonbok had tried to think of better lyrics, but Heeseok had liked it so much that he’d insisted on keeping it, going so far as to force Moonbok and Jihyuk to record it with him. The lyrics were dumb and made Moonbok cringe internally, but the memories of the three of them make him grin again and he sings with gusto, thoroughly enjoying himself.

Having fun was half the battle, was it not?

Being blind with love Makes me crash into a wall of emotions Then that makes me realize How I hate you cuz I can’t live without you Like a mirror, you’re looking at me too It’s fire but just a small candle that’ll extinguish easily Your heart goes from a bright torch to a cold street light You get angry and twist your words I get burned by you and scarred It was all just playing with fire

When he’d written this part in particular, he’d thought he’d been rapping about Kyungri or Jihyo and all the things that could go wrong, his pessimistic nature rearing its head yet. But as he returns to rapping, his hands moving to the flow of his voice without an conscious input, he can’t help but wonder it’s about himself.

All those parts of himself he couldn’t stand, the cocky Moonbok who’d played with fire the year before and got so badly burned it had almost been the end of his dream. The pessimistic Moonbok who always assumed that he was worth nothing and didn’t deserve the praises he got. He was actually scared of how he could twist his own words to make them into a rod to break his own back. His emotions begin to take over again, but it just turns his rapping fierce and his expression even more determined. 

There were parts of himself that he hates and wishes he could erase, but they’re what makes him Jang Moonbok. And no matter how difficult it might be, he has to accept those parts if he wants to succeed. Not just in the MGAs, but in the competition called life too.

When I see this pitch black night As I look at the breath and words I long for I can’t just stay still today I wish I can do what I want just for today

He finishes with a repetition of the first verse, but with a slight softer and more hopeful tone, slowly coming back into himself. It wasn’t as long as he’d hoped, but quality counted as much as quantity did, after all. As the music fades, he smiles and bows once more, hand on his hat to keep it from falling to the ground. Straightening up again, he addresses the judges a final time.

“Thank you for listening to me, it was an honour to perform this song in front of you all!”

Smiling once more, he makes his way back to his seat, but nearly jumps out of his skin in fright as a sudden ‘YAAAAAS!' rings through the set. Laughter rings around the hall and after a second, Moonbok joins in as he realizes it was Eric that had called out to him. At least he had the approval of someone. Waving to the younger boy, he ducks back into his seat, face red and grinning.

He’d done the best he could. Now all he can do is wait and hope for the best in return.

[Word Count without lyrics: 2,290]

[pinoyscientists]

Meet Andrian Gajigan: 

1) What do you do?

I’m a marine scientist (in training) with background in chemistry and molecular biology. I’m interested in studying different marine organisms in different scales, from microbes to corals. I am fascinated with their basic biology, how they evolve, and how they become successful living in the (sometimes) harsh ocean environment. 

2) Where do you work?

My office and lab is the sea, preferably, but I do work in an office and lab at the Marine Science Institute at the University of the Philippines Diliman.

3) Tell us about the photos!

[Top:] My photo after 30 days of doing science at sea. Imagine my excitement of seeing land after a long time! We did an oceanographic cruise in the Atlantic Ocean from Bremerhaven, Germany to Cape Town, South Africa.

[Bottom:] I’m a proud member of #TitosofManila. Here are my adorable nieces and nephew (and my sister and mother in the background). Sometimes, I tutor them math and science. Most of the time, it’s difficult to teach these kids, well, also kids in general. They are one of the reasons why I study science, in the hope of contributing to building a more resilient environment for them and the future generation.

4) Tell us about your academic career path so far. 

Elementary: Kaunlaran Elementary School and Tomas Morato Elementary School

HS: Don A. Roces Sr. Science-Technology High School

BS: University of the Philippines Manila (BS Biochemistry)

MS: University of the Philippines Diliman (MS Marine Science)

PhD: [soon]

5) Anything else you’d like to share?

First, for Filipinos, tell everyone you meet that we are at the world’s center of marine biodiversity. Ibig sabihin tayo ang may pinakamaraming uri ng lamang dagat. Karamihan sa mga lamang dagat ay dito mo lamang makikita sa Pilipinas. Say it every day... until you realize how blessed we are. So the next time you will go to the beach, you will be mindful not only of your trash and but also of others.

Second, give your graduate student friend, relative or even a random science person a hug. Scientific pursuit is not easy. Every day we encounter setback- - failed experiments, rejected papers, rejected scholarship/research funding and many others. This is how expanding knowledge looks like, a bunch of failures. But we do what we do because we love it. We cannot imagine doing something else. Let me quote one of my scientific heroes, Craig Venter, "Science should be the most fun job on the planet. You get to ask questions about the world around you and go out and seek the answers. Not to have fun doing that is crazy.”

Third, for fellow scientists out there, I know you heard this many times, just to reiterate, it is important that we become political and we communicate our science. One simple argument is that the money we use for our research comes from the taxes so it’s a moral imperative to share our findings to the Filipino people. In addition, I believe if we were able to teach the scientific thought process to layman, we can better fight misinformation and ignorance in this post-truth era.

Lastly, thanks to PinoyScientist blog for all the efforts!

To everyone reading you can visit my blog at andriangajigan.wordpress.com. If you have questions, comments or just want to chat, send me an email.