#also laurent calling aleron al might be a new favourite trope

[goldencuffs]

fake dating au

“— I promise to love and respect you always.”

“Hmm?” Laurent turned from the view of the lake and saw that Torveld was down on one knee, with a velvet box in his hand. There was a ring in it — a ghastly one, with only one diamond. Honestly. Laurent frowned. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What the fuck are you doing?”

“Er —” Torveld seemed to have trouble balancing himself. He was also getting very red. “I’m proposing?”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“I’m proposing,” Torveld repeated firmly. To his credit, he did sound much more confident. Unfortunately, it was undermined by the sweat on his forehead and his shifting eyes.

“Oh,” Laurent said. He paused. “Why?”

“Why?” Torveld repeated, incredulous. “Because — For all the reasons I just said! Love and respect and — and status!”

Laurent stared down at him. “This is the third time we’ve spoken. And I don’t think the first time counts since you threw up in the middle of our conversation.”

“I told you I had a stomach bug,” Torveld hissed. He looked mortified, and in the distance, Laurent could see Jord and Lazar muffling their laughter.

Laurent grimaced in an attempt to mask his own unbidden smile. The memory of that first encounter haunted him, but it was undeniably hilarious — objectively, of course.

Torveld watched his face and wilted. “You’re not going to say yes, are you?”

Laurent tried to look a little compassionate. It only made Torveld frown, so Laurent suspected he had failed horribly. “I’m afraid not,” he said.

Torveld stood up and pocketed the box. He looked very put out.

“I’m sorry,” Laurent said, because it seemed like the right thing to say. Then he ruined it by asking: “How much did my father pay you?”

Torveld went very still. “Um.”

“Come on,” Laurent chided. “You’re the sixth person to propose to me this month. I know what Al is like.”

Torveld cleared his throat, then muttered a figure under his breath.

Laurent’s eyebrows rose and his stomach dropped; it seemed the King really was serious about marrying Laurent off as soon as he turned twenty one.

And really, Laurent wasn’t opposed to the idea of marriage, not at all. In fact, getting married to a man with a large cock and an even larger fortune was one of his top ten dreams. But that didn’t mean he wanted to do it now. He liked having freedom; most of his days were spent reading, gathering gossip on various Lords. and getting fucked by foreign, dashing men. And if Vere was short on foreign, dashing men, then Laurent had his guardsmen to keep him company in bed. There was a reason Lazar had extended his contract for another five years, after all.

It just infuriated Laurent that Al was doing this behind his back: setting him up on frivolous excursions with men who were low enough in rank to be appeased with marrying a second son.

It also made Laurent feel more unwanted than usual — but that thought was going to stay firmly lodged into his brain until his death.

Looking at Torveld now, Laurent realised that Al would not stop here. No doubt he had more men lined up for Laurent to meet. Perhaps he was waiting until Laurent got so tired of it, he would say yes to the next man who walked into the Palace.

Like hell that was going to happen.

Laurent knew he had to do something to stop it right now. He assessed Torveld, trying to think. He knew the man was a notorious gossiper — to the point where his own brother, the Crown Prince, had barred him from Council meetings because he ended up spilling everything to anyone who would listen.

So, Laurent said the one, plausible thing he could think of. “I’m sure you know why I had to say no, of course.” He kept his tone coy.

Torveld immediately piqued, curious. “No, why?”

Laurent bit his lip, pretending to survey the area around them for any potential eavesdroppers. He leaned in close. “I’m seeing someone. It’s very serious, but we’ve had to keep it lowkey in case Al tries to break us up.”

Torveld’s eyebrows rose. “Really? Is he —” He lowered his voice. “A commoner?”

Laurent’s nose scrunched. Ha! As if he’d succumb himself to that. No, obviously, Laurent’s imaginary lover would be amazing, respected by all, tall, hot as fuck, powerful, in touch with all the latest trends, and fantastic in bed. Someone so admirable and high in rank, that even Al would be impressed.

Laurent said the first name that sprung to his mind. “It’s Damianos.”

Granted, the only reason Laurent had even thought of him was because Al had mentioned him during breakfast. Something about how high Akielon taxes were and blah blah blah — as if Laurent cared. But, a man like Damianos did fit a majority of the aforementioned traits. Although, Laurent had no way of knowing whether being fantastic in bed was one of them.

Torveld looked suitably shocked. “The King of Akielos?”

Laurent smiled, smug. “The very same.”

Torveld was awed by the news. Then, he frowned. “But why would your father want to break you up? I thought he wanted a formal, political relationship with Akielos. A marriage seems like a good alliance.”

“Uh,” Laurent paused. He didn’t even know Al wanted that. Was that why he was always going to Akielos? He tried to search for an answer, and when he couldn’t find one, said, “Oh no, excuse me, I forgot I had an appointment with —” He hurried away before he had to think of something.

*

Al came into his room later that evening, after a substantial amount of knocking. He always knocked now — sometimes more times than what was strictly necessary; the last time he had barged into Laurent's room, unannounced, Laurent had been on all fours, in between two very well endowed brothers, noblemen from Vask.

Al hadn’t spoken to Laurent for four months after that. It was only when Auguste came back from college and made Laurent apologise to their father did he finally ease up.

As soon as he was inside, Al said, “Torveld tells me you rejected his proposal because you’re in a relationship with the King of Akielos.”

Laurent put his book down, face up, and swung his legs over the bed. “Good god, he really can’t keep a secret, can he?”

Al ignored him, as he tended to do most of the time. “Well?”

Laurent said, “Yes, it’s true.”

“When did this start?”

“When did what start?”

Al glared. “This very serious relationship, as Torveld put it.”

They were still talking about that? Laurent made up a number. “Three years.” Oh no; that was too high of a number. “No! I mean, we’ve been talking for three years but uh — one year. We’ve been together for one year.”

“How did this even happen?” Al said. “Damianos has not visited Vere since you were thirteen.”

Laurent remembered that trip; his first kiss had happened during one of the many balls they had hosted, with a girl from Akielos. Afterwards, Laurent had said, “Oh, I’m definitely gay.”, and she had spilled juice all over his lap.

It had been a fun night.

Laurent said, “We started talking online.” That was plausible; and mentioning anything to do with technology would no doubt bore Al.

He was right; Al already looked like he was trying to wrap this up as fast as possible. “And he’s committed to you completely?”

“Sure, I guess.”

Al looked thoughtful. “I assume he’s the one that’s been spending all that money on those ridiculous gifts that have been delivered to you over the last few months.”

“Of course!” Laurent said quickly. “As if I’d be irresponsible enough to buy myself a 1954 Ferrari! That was definitely Damianos.”

Laurent was seeing more and more perks to this plan. Maybe he could finally buy himself a retro Mercedes and blame it on Damianos, too.

Al’s face did something strange. Laurent sprung to his feet, concerned. “What is it? Are you having a heart attack?”

Al’s face morphed into a scowl, which was much more familiar. “I was smiling,” he said, sharply.

“Oh.” Laurent said. How the heck was he supposed to know that? Al never smiled at him.

There was a small pause. Al said, “Is he open to the idea of marriage?”

Laurent almost rolled his eyes. He said, “I think so. But, he’s so busy running a country and what not, it’s never really come up.” He took a deep breath. “I suspect in a few years, we will be married.”

He waited. And waited.

Finally, Al nodded. “See to it if you can convince him to get married sooner.”

“I will,” Laurent said. “In the meantime… you’ll stop setting me up all those Lords and noblemen?”

Al watched him for a few beats. “Yes, I suppose so.”

Laurent grinned; this was better than anything he could have hoped for.

“Don’t make that face,” Al snapped.

Laurent frowned.

Al stood in his room for a moment. He looked like he wanted to say something, but then he just nodded once and left.

Laurent immediately called Jord and Lazar into his room to celebrate.

*

Pretending to be in a relationship with the King of Akielos made Laurent’s life so much richer, it was a wonder why he hadn’t thought to do it sooner.

It was easy, too; all he had to do was occasionally smile dreamily into his phone, as though he had received the most thoughtful, wonderful love letter, and stare out the window. He also began leaving notes with the gifts he bought himself; Al didn’t say anything when a blue Mercedes showed up, because Damianos had given it, of course.

Laurent could stay up all night playing video games and when he’d fall asleep during Council meetings the next morning, all he had to do was moan about the time difference between Akielos and Vere to be forgiven.

People listened to him more, especially when Laurent began sentences with, “Well, Damianos said…” It was how Laurent convinced Al that he needed a new crown, one with more rubies this time.

Laurent’s sex life also became much wilder; it seemed men became very turned on when they thought they were fucking the boyfriend of a King. One of them had even asked Laurent to call him ‘Your Majesty’ in bed, which Laurent liked well enough.

The best part of it was the fact that Al finally left him alone. He stopped pestering Laurent about his princely duties and stopped saying things like, What would your mother think of you? each time another man crept out of his room. In fact, sometimes Al even asked him about his day. It was truly bizarre stuff.

It should have been Laurent’s first clue that things would come crashing down, sooner rather than later.

After three months of living indulgently, Al said over breakfast one day, “I thought you would be jumping for joy today.”

“Why’s that?” Laurent muttered into his toast. He had a horrid hangover, and his ass was sore.

Al frowned at him. “Sit straight,” he snapped.

Laurent said, “I can only sit gay.” When that joke fell flat, he sat up, with great effort. Al was still staring at him, so he said, “What?” a little sharper than he intended to.

Al’s mouth thinned. “I sincerely hope you don’t misbehave like this around your beau. I shudder to think what the delegates would say.”

“My beau?” Laurent said, face twisted. “Ugh, what century are you from?”

Al was silent; a very bad sign. Laurent continued to butter his toast, hoping to be forgotten about for the rest of the day.

That was not the case. Al decided to punish Laurent in the cruellest way; he was forced to attend four separate meetings with his father, and then attend a small, private dinner at Heston’s estate.

Halfway through the meal, Herode, one of the only people on the Council who could stand him said, “You must be very excited today, Your Highness.”

Laurent paused. “Why does everyone keep saying that?” After his father, three other Lords had approached him with the same words; Laurent had only smiled and nodded.

Now, he had a feeling that his father must have said it for a reason.

Herode smiled kindly; Laurent imagined it was a fatherly kind of smile, except he didn’t quite know, did he? “The Akielon King is going to be visiting Vere for the first time in eight years.” Herode’s expression grew sly. “I’m sure we can all guess as to why he’s suddenly interested in visiting.”

Laurent dropped his knife. It made several heads turn; Laurent flushed and ducked his head. To Herode he said, “The Akielon — Damianos is coming? When?”

Herode’s eyebrows met together in the middle. “You weren’t aware, Your Highness? It was confirmed last night; he should be here within a week.”

A week! Laurent’s eyes widened. Had someone told Damianos about what Laurent was doing? Was that why he was suddenly coming to Vere — to beat him up? Oh god, his father was going to kill him.

Thankfully, the panic on Laurent’s face was mistaken for something else. Herode said, “Oh! Did the King want to surprise you?”

“Yes, he probably did,” Laurent said weakly. “He’s always doing that… surprising me.” He let out a weak chuckle.

“I think that’s wonderful,” said Herode, and god, he really was the sweetest man ever. Why hadn’t he given birth to Laurent?

“Yes, wonderful,” Laurent agreed, stomaching sinking. He was so utterly fucked — and not in the good way.