#also kicking myself for feeling iffy about it at first and as soon as i decided i wanted to move forward and talk to him the opportunity

[thrashkink-coven]

someone asked if I live with my parents, in regards to how I have such a large altar, and how they might feel ab it. I was working on a long post ab it but then it vanished into the stratosphere so idk what that was ab or where it went.

But to answer the question, making an incredibly long story short, I do not live with my parents, I live with my partner and a couple roommates.

Tea time :) ���️ Hot piping tea time besties!!! 🤩

My mom used to be somewhat accepting of my transition and identity. She helped me in the medical care system and even got me testosterone (although she always seemed a bit iffy). However after she met her current partner that all fell apart. He is extremely, and I mean EXTREMELY Christian and extremely controlling. This man burned my bfs hoodie because it had a sigil on it. He red faced SCREAMED (and I mean SCREAMED) in my face that I was going to hell for being trans, that I was disgusting and that he didn’t want me anywhere near his kids. After which, my ✨mother✨ blamed me for pushing his buttons too much (by being trans) and told me she would no longer support my transition. She told me that she would rather burry me in the ground in the event that I lost my life to suicide than deal with having a trans kid. I will never forget that.

That was during the first lockdown at the height of the pandemic, so I was trapped in that house and it was torture. When I say that man is extremely Christian and conservative, I mean it. He forced me and his kids to watch religious videos every Saturday, which were basically just dudes screaming at you that you’ll go to hell if you sin over stock footage of clouds. He would try to guilt trip me for not wanting to participate. (Not to mention he contributed very heavily to my eating disorder by trying to force us all to be vegan and taking away all of my safe foods, despite cooking steaks for himself every night. If I could use one word to describe that man it would be “Hypocrite”. I was constantly anxious and starving, holy shit I could write an entire book about how terrible living in that house with that man was and how betrayed I felt by my mom for putting me through that)

The last straw for my mom was when I expressed to my gender therapists that I really want and need top surgery. She acted like I was springing it on her out of nowhere despite us having conversations about it since I was 14. She told me that I would not be recovering from that surgery under her roof and that it would upset her partner too much. Soon she started making little comments about how disgusted she was in the changes testosterone was giving me, how my voice was getting deeper and how I was gaining muscle, and I became terrified that she would try to force me to detransition.

For me, the final straw was after me and my mom had an argument about money (she took it from my bank account without asking and got mad when I asked for it back) as punishment she decided that I would start having to pay rent for my room in the house. I told her that I would not be paying to live somewhere where I cannot feel safe being myself or bringing my partner around. She told me to either get over it or pay up.

As soon as I turned 18 I started looking into programs in my school that help young queer people who are facing potential homelessness find housing. My mother never explicitly kicked me out (she’ll still say that to this day) but she made it impossible for me to stay. I do believe that her partner was actively trying to systematically get me and my older brother out of the house so he could further isolate my mom. He was the one that told my mom that I was manipulating her into “letting me be trans” by pretending to be suicidal. Yeah. Seriously. And to be honest, it’s fucked up and sad but I also see my mom as a victim due to some other things I won’t mention here (when I say controlling I mean CONTROLLING) But the abuse she went through does not justify her role as my abuser. As much empathy and understanding I have as to why she acted the way she did, I still don’t accept that behaviour. Constantly hearing about how you’re an abomination and how God will surely destroy you starts to take a toll after a while, especially when you’re not allowed to leave the house.

Through my efforts I landed a job but I still didn’t have enough money for even the smallest bachelor pads.

One night after having an extreme meltdown I just… ran away. I went to my bfs house because I didn’t know where else to go, but I was fully prepared to walk to a homeless shelter. I am so incredibly lucky that he and his mother are amazing and understanding people because they embraced me with open arms. They gave me a place to stay and never pressed me about money. I have never gone back to my mother’s house since. If it wasn’t for them I would not be alive right now. They genuinely saved my life and I am forever grateful to them for that.

After my bf and I finally got our own place after living with his parents for nearly 2 years , my mom decided that time passed is equivalent to an apology, and wanted to rekindle our relationship. However, after she tried to visit my place and was met by my roommates who are also all trans, things didn’t go her way. She kept asking for my dead name and misgendering me. My roommates stood up for me and told her that she should stop misgendering me and have some respect, that they didn’t know anyone by that name, and that it’s not cool for her to still be calling me that.

My mom gave me a very angry phone call, telling me that my friends are disrespectful and that they should know that she’s the only person allowed to disrespect me because she gave birth to me. Unfortunately for her that is not the case.

My response to that was this:

and her response was this:

So it was what it was. She tried to withhold my phone plan from me as punishment because it was the only thing left that I relied on her for anymore. I said fuck it, got a new phone plan and continued on with my life.

I’ve tried to have conversations with her to reach an understanding hundreds of times in the past, countless letters and one sided conversations, she was never interested. It is what it is. We haven’t really spoken since then and I��m content with that. Believe me, I have said all I could possibly say.

In terms of my paganism, my whole family subscribed to a certain genre of black conservative Christianity that sees all indigenous forms of spirituality as evil. I don’t know how much they know about my craft but I know they hate it, and that’s fine. My mom hates my dark art and wanted me to use my ✨talents✨ to make Christian art. The only person in my family who even somewhat understands me is my older brother and we have a good relationship. I am no longer concerned with trying to please people who don’t see me as a person. Those who are real will stick around, and those who won’t, wont.

I know that they probably think I’m lost and broken and using demons to fill the void, and they can think that. One thing I want to make incredibly clear is that I do not harbour resentment towards the Christian God, Christianity or Jesus Christ for the terrible actions of his followers. I came to peace with and forgave him long ago. I love him. My being a Luciferian is not revenge against my mom or God. That God has always been there for me and supported me for who I am through all of this, and he still does.

Since I was a child I’ve always been told that I don’t know who I am, that I can’t think or speak for myself, and since I was a child I have always remained 10 toes down on who I am. They won’t believe that I’m really trans until the day I die, they won’t believe that I lived a beautiful and fulfilling life as a devotee of Lucifer because they cannot fathom that I know and love myself. Oh well, they say success is the best revenge.

I love my family and I always will, but for their comfort and my safety I keep my distance from them. I’m pretty damn sure they wouldn’t want to be anywhere near me anyways with all their paranoia about the devil.

Funnily enough Lucifer has been excellent bigot repellent for me. He’s always protecting me from people who would hate me anyways. If my paganism is such an abomination that it prevents my past abusers from hurting me more, then that’s a bonus in my eyes. Stay the fuck away from me if it bothers you so much, we don’t have enough in common to have a productive conversation anyways. If ever my mother came to me honestly and sought true redemption, I would certainly forgive her, I don’t enjoy being estranged. But that would take effort and care on her part, and that simply does not seem to be her biggest priority right now, it never was and I never was. It izz what it izz 🤷‍♂️

So yeah, tldr, I definitely don’t live with my parents lol.

[thegeminisage]

i don't know how i'm supposed to simply do a tng update when there was SPOCK but obviously last night (tonight as i type this, but it's late, so this post is going up while i'm at work) we watched unification part i & part ii

tng update:

🌈SPOCK🌈

okay, i'm normal again

part i: BITTERLY disappointed that all we got out of this episode spockwise was one blurry photo and him coming in right at the end. i had a feeling they'd do that. i guess now i have to talk about the nonimportant nonspock parts of this episode 🥱

ive decided i hate sarek's new wife. what business is it of hers if spock objects to sarek in public? if sarek didn't have a problem with it why make one? evil stepmother fr. why did sarek marry another human anyway does he have a fucking fetish or something...at least she was too old to get knocked up. i was reading about ages on the wiki today and amanda was only TWENTY YEARS OLD when she had spock. sarek would have been 65. i know vulcans age way different so it's not as creepy but STILL. girl, wait until you are old enough to drink

speaking of sarek...i went back and forth feeling terrible for him and wanting to attack him with my bare hands. under one hand he is on his deathbed and obviously very ill and miserable and suffering deep regrets over past mistakes and it's hard not to have sympathy...on the other, maybe if you wanted less deathbed regrets about your relationship with spock YOU SHOULD HAVE TREATED HIM BETTER! bitch.

also, whatever he and picard had going on was homoerotic. "we're part of each other" why do they talk about the mind meld that way in tng and not in tos. why did picard feel up sarek's hand on his deathbed the second his wife looked away. hes got a history of homewrecking since he (i know) had his affair baby wesley with beverly. so Whats Going On

picard forcefully obtaining the klingon ship. i LOVE when he gets to be a bitch

ROMULAN RACEFAKING??? a proud star trek tradition at this point i guess but it was truly awful to behold. DEEPLY disappointed sela did not later lick the paint off his ears as the klingons implied she would. smh

i like also how riker blew up that whole ship and nobody batted an eyelash. he really can just do whatever

part ii: SPOCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the first time i cried was when spock himself came onscreen at the end of part i. then just as soon as i collected myself he mentioned jim kirk twice in the space of 30 seconds and i lost it again. we are literally bridging the gap between tos spock and spock prime from aos rn and i Dont like it.

Very Sad his dad kicked it before they could reconcile. but i saw his microexpressions when picard delivered the news. i missed them more than you can possibly imagine

i did love though that he started viewing picard as like a proxy sarek. imagine having daddy issues with a guy who is 75 years younger than you. lowkey they also had a little homoeroticism happening. "cowboy diplomacy" sure whatever

riker and the four-armed pianist 10/10 i hope they fucked. i'm so glad we wont he riker roulette and it wasn't creepy. also only riker could successfully flirt with a women after killing her husband in a spaceship battle <3

i'm a little iffy on spock's uhhh whole deal in this episode. he's lik yeah i chose the vulcan way of life these romulans are gonna have way better lives after their vulcan enlightenment but meanwhile he's criticizing sarek for his obsession with logic to the exclusion of all emotion (which is what he decided in tmp, that you need both) and also the vulcan way of life has done huge damage to his relationship with his father as well. so which is it?? idk, maybe he's not doing well because of sarek dying and all but he seemed like he was in a very "im not willing to acknowledge that i have emotions because rn theyre causing me pain" sort of mood. buddy :(

then again, it IS a tng script. we can only expect so much. it wasn't so inconsistent that it took me out of the episode but it did bother me a little because i just don't understand why he's willing to devote the rest of his life to this cause...he seemed to imply he had emotional reasons but what were they?? we will quite literally never know.

what's wack to me also is that in nineteen years romulus is gonna be GONE. like it's just going to be gone. eaten up by the sun or whatever. if someone had a baby right now on romulus that baby would not be old enough to drink before the sun swallowed them. so everything spock is doing is for nothing.

sela in this episode was really funny. "i hate vulcans." so true queen. i mean i don't care about her at all but that was hilarious

data doing the vulcan nerve pinch!!!!!!! that was so fun. i don't think it requires telepathy to do, just super strength, but i guess if you do then that makes no sense. it made me happy though.

the end when spock melded with picard to quasi-meld with his father and almost wept was me crying for the third time...i couldn't stand seeing him cry!!!!!! i can't believe sarek really just died without ever reconciling with him but i kind of like it better this way bc what sarek did was his own fault not spock's. so spock got closure and sarek. didn't. rip dude

okay. this concludes. the SPOCK UPDATE. tonight: a matter of time. and TOMORROW........the undiscovered country. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[itsclydebitches]

YYH Recaps: Episode 1, Surprised to be Dead

Hello, all you hypothetical readers! It's a beautiful spring day and I have a free afternoon ahead of me, so what better time to start another massive project while I guilty stuff my other WIPs deep into the depths of my hard drive? Yeah. Iffy life choices aside, someone mentioned a few weeks back that they'd love for me to recap a show I have more positive things to say about than negative (RIP RWBY) and ever since Netflix announced that their live-action adaptation of Yu Yu Hakusho is in the works, I've been itching for a re-watch of the anime. With the RWBY hiatus underway, it seemed like the perfect time to fulfill both desires.

Before we begin though, I'd like to touch on a few things that are going to influence this project.

First, YYH is near and dear to my heart. Written by Yoshihiro Togashi in the early 1990s and later adapted for an American audience by Funimation, I had the pleasure of experiencing this story five different ways: as a serialized tale in Shonen Jump, a binge read when I had the money to buy the manga, tiny snippets of the anime on Adult Swim late at night — don't tell my parents ;) — as an after-school treat on Toonami, and then years later as a re-watch when I introduced it to a friend (who, in turn, blessed me by having us watch Fullmetal Alchemist next). I used to keep a Hiei bookmark in everything I was reading, the spirit gun made it into our witch-wolf-space adventures on the playground (middle school was wild), and there was a long period of my life where I tried very hard to teach myself to stand with my hands behind my back, precisely as Genkai does. Spoiler alert: I failed. So to say I love the series is... a little bit of an understatement. I bring this up simply as a way of demonstrating that there's more than a bit of nostalgia attached to YYH for me and that will inevitably cloud my reading of it. How can it not? So that's just something to keep in mind as I work through a series that, like any having hit its 30th birthday, has its outdated, flawed, and other questionable aspects.

Second, but very much connected to the first point, is that these are pretty casual recaps. I summarize and extrapolate, focusing primarily on plot and dialogue (but with the occasional cinematography aspect tossed in). I'm not conducting research on the cultural history here — something that will come up at least once in this episode — I'm not arguing an overarching thesis, and I've never been someone who focuses on the author/production/trivia of a series. I'm here for the story as the story is presented to the viewer. If you've read my RWBY Recaps, this will function precisely the same way, with the only difference being I'm engaging with a finished text as opposed to an ongoing one, so there’s a lot less, “Maybe ___ will happen” theorizing going on. 

Third, I obviously recommend that you watch the show yourself (you can find it on YouTube!), but you don't have to know the series to follow along. As these massive paragraphs attest, I tend to be both detailed and verbose, so we'll be covering every major plot point — and most of the smaller ones too.

Finally, I'm working from the dub. I know, I know, the horror. But it's what I grew up on and, honestly, I think it's superior to the sub. YYH's dubbing is in a class all its own and to this day there are very few shows that compare to it. Trust me, it's a good call.

That's enough of the boring chit-chat though. Let's get started!

Our very first episode "Surprised to be Dead" opens on a crowded street. We see lots of traffic, people going about their business, and a pedestrian crossing sign that, crucially, turns red. This is our normality and, like in every genre story, you need to break that normality at some point so that the protagonists can go on their fantastical/supernatural/science fiction journey. YYH eases us into things by first breaking the normality of an everyday afternoon: there's a screech of tires, quick shots of a man pushing a child out of the way of an oncoming car, and then his back is hitting the windshield. We begin this story with a horrible — but otherwise mundane — car crash.

Now, these flashes alone have a fair bit to unpack. Despite later getting a brief shot of the man's scared face right before he's hit, the moment's focus is really on the child. He's the one foregrounded in the initial, slow-mo shot. He's the one who appears in color while the man is kept in shadow. This isn't just a hit, it's a rescue. The camera is also careful to follow the soccer ball this kid was playing with (more on that later in the episode), with it flying through the air as the man is hit and bouncing to a stop in the street, acting as the dramatic finish. It's childhood! It's innocence! It's play on a sunny afternoon! And it's all gone wrong.

This moment is chaotic and even a bit confusing. Not in the sense of what's happening — that is quite obviously a guy being hit by a car — but who the victims are, how precisely this came about, or even why we're meant to care about this beyond a generic capacity to feel for other human (fictional) beings... that's all removed. And it works. As the crash takes place, the camera pans across the stunned crowd and we, the viewer, become a part of that crowd. They don't know what precisely is going on either. We're all just horrified onlookers as a sudden tragedy takes place. We're all watching the same show.

So everyone realizes this guy has been hit. People are staring in shock and someone calls for an ambulance. We see the driver fall to his knees in the street, distraught, shakily saying, "I didn't mean to..." It's a very serious and emotional scene that —

— is immediately tempered by this guy waking up, complete with a cute 'pop!' sound effect when he opens his eyes.

This is YYH's brand, this Very Serious Circumstances skillfully interwoven with casual indifference/comedy. It's admittedly far from a unique brand, but it's an excellent choice given that this is the same attitude that will drive 99% of our protagonist's interaction with the world.

Speaking of said protagonist, our guy wakes up, opens his eyes, and realizes that he's floating. There's a great, disorientating shot from his perspective where everything is upside down, causing him to nearly fall out of the air. Well would you look at that, he's as confused as we are. It's our audience surrogate!

A narrator says, "And so it all begins. This boy's name is Yusuke, he's fourteen years old, and he's supposed to be the hero of this story. But oddly enough, he's dead."

Game of Thrones might have made it popular, but YYH did it better.

(Yeah, yeah, I know one death kick-starts the journey and the other is a shocking twist. Just let me have this.)

Now, it's a weird introduction, right? At least at the end. The announcement that change has occurred, a name, an age... that all checks out. But "supposed to be the hero"? What the hell is that “supposed to” mean? Our narrator gives us the easy, surface answer: "But oddly enough, he's dead." We're capitalizing here on the audience's expectation that death ends a character's journey and though they may have been a hero previously, they can no longer be one moving forward. That function within the story has passed. So it's this intriguing question of, "What kind of hero do you have when that hero is dead from the start?" but as we'll see soon, there's an additional meaning here of, "How can Yusuke be the hero?" As this premiere sets up, Yusuke doesn't act like the hero is “supposed to” act. 

Until he saved this kid.

But right now he's just confused: "Okay, this is weird. Stupid weird."

Two EMTs arrive on the scene and are hilariously useless. You know how in any medical drama a doctor will stop CPR after a couple of seconds because obviously you're not going to spend half the episode on realism? Well, that's this only a thousand times worse. One guy just looks at the kid and announces he's fine except for some bumps and bruises. Meanwhile, the kid is sobbing.

"Well, at least one of them is," replies the other EMT, because I guess he can tell Yusuke is beyond hope without taking a pulse or anything? "I hate cleanup," he complains as they load his body onto a stretcher because that's? An empathetic response to have??

Honestly this scene is wild.

Yusuke is understandably upset that he's, you know, dead and all. He starts hounding the EMTs who, unable to hear him, just go about their business of taking the kid and his body to the hospital. "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on? You can't just write me off. Listen to me!" and Yusuke tries to punch one of the EMTs in the head, resulting in him floating right through.

What a great way to introduce your protagonist's personality. We see here that when things go wrong Yusuke's default emotion is anger and it starts creeping in even before he thinks the others are ignoring him: "Stupid weird." He has problems with authority — "You think you can just do whatever you want because you have that stupid uniform on?" — is used to others listening when he gets angry — "You can't just write me off!" — and is poised to use violence at the slightest provocation. Yusuke is a guy who, right now at least, is ready to punch first and ask questions later.

As Yusuke floats back up into the air and the ambulance drives away, he finally cools down enough to try and think his way out of this. "It's not like this is the first time you've been in a jam,” he thinks. Yusuke recalls that yeah, something was different about today...

...he actually went to school.

Catch me laughing that this idiot boy equates the weirdness of him dying with going to school. Good lord. 

Anyway, this jumpstarts our flashback. We open on a generic, anime middle school (that always feels like a high school to me) where the principal is calling for Yusuke through the loud speaker. Oooo someone’s in trouble! We follow a young girl up to the rooftop and she gets a classic hair-blowing-in-the-wind moment to  establish that she's our love interest. Meet Keiko Yukimura.

Keiko finds Yusuke hanging out and immediately starts lecturing him for trying to chew gum and refusing to wear the boys' uniform. "Oh, give me a break, Keiko. I look better in green." Note that it's here we learn her name and it's an easy, casual way to introduce it. I bring this up because Yusuke's introduction via our narrator is very much... not that. It's an on your nose statement about his name, age, and importance to the story, and if you're just starting the show in 2021, it might come across as a rather armature move. Like something out of a kid's show, perhaps. Yet here we see that this was a deliberate choice, considering that YYH is capable of introducing character information naturally when it wants to.

This moment also tells us that Yusuke cares a great deal about his image. More on that in a bit. Because Keiko isn't finished her list of grievances yet, going on to say that his attendance record has hurt their entire class, hurt her as class representative, and if he keeps going down this path he won't even graduate middle school. "Sometimes I think you don't care about anyone but yourself and then you don't even do that right!"

They're legit complaints. Too bad Yusuke is busy looking up Keiko's skirt.

Yeeeeah. Sadly, this is common for anime, particularly a 90s anime like YYH. Even presumably more progressive series like My Hero Academia feature characters like Mineta, whose entire personality is being a pervert, and the creation of abilities that "require" kids/young women to be scantily clad. See: Yaoyorozu. YYH is no different in this regard, with various forms of sexual harassment functioning as a shorthand for how much Yusuke secretly likes Keiko. "Boys will be boys," right? Obviously not. 

Like so many others series, the creators get away with it because they’re framing it as a bad thing. It's totally fine because look, Keiko slaps him! This is  teaching the viewer how wrong this behavior is. Never mind that this is clearly an established habit between them, that Yusuke laughs off Keiko's discomfort, and that the whole scene is meant to be funny for the viewer. That's the real purpose here; it’s not a PSA on harassment. 

That, and to establish the long-suffering love Keiko has for Yusuke in turn, largely stemming from a life-long friendship. "Dumb boy! He hasn't grown up a bit since he was four years old." We see that Keiko's early interactions with Yusuke have given her insight that others lack. As she heads down from the roof she runs into two girls hiding around the corner, too scared to come out lest "the great Urameshi" set his sights on them. Isn't Keiko terrified of what he might do to her? "Or worse, what others might say of it?" Like any classic high school middle school setting, one's reputation is king. Yusuke cares about how others see him — maintaining that tough boy attitude — and the girls care more about what the rest of the school might think of Keiko's interactions with him than the presumed harm Yusuke could do to her. They heard he can summon 2,000 men with just a whistle and that he "kills for fun!" But that means nothing in the face of people talking about you. Despite being one of the most popular girls in school, Keiko is the outsider here via her disinterest in what other people think.

The animation changes here, giving us a good look at how the girls picture Yusuke: tough, scowling, surrounded by shadows, and backed by an entire army.

In contrast, we've already seen what Yusuke is really like.

Keiko laughs the image off too. Yusuke is more like a "lamb" than a killer and besides, he couldn't order around two people, let alone two hundred. "He doesn't have many friends."

"That's not what I heard," says one of the girls. 

"Yeah," goes the other. "I think we would know." 

Again, rumors rule here, with whispers in the hall considered more reliable than someone who interacts with Yusuke on a daily basis. Keiko doesn’t have a hope of changing their minds. 

Oh, as a side note, I love that they gave Keiko Miyazaki-esque hair. It's very emotive.

Yusuke escapes outside where the principal is still calling for him to report to his office. He overhears a conversation around the corner and we cut to two boys, one of which is showing a wallet off to the other. He explains that some bully tried to rough him up, but he said he was Urameshi's cousin and the bully took off, dropping his wallet in the process. The guy's friend is impressed, but what is he going to do if Yusuke ever finds out he lied? Not to worry, he says, that "blockhead" would probably think it's true even if he did somehow hear.

Yusuke, obviously, does hear about this and he, also obviously, does not believe this guy is his cousin. He looms ominously and they scurry up against a wall, terrified and offering him the wallet as an apology.

"You think I want your money?" Yusuke yells.

YYH is, in many respects, a rather simple story, but I appreciate the hints of complexity in these otherwise straightforward interactions. It's not that this guy used Yusuke's name to steal a wallet, he used it as a form of protection against another bully — a far more sympathetic motivation. It's not that Yusuke's fearsome reputation has resulted in any genuine respect because once people think they're safe they reveal how little they think of his intelligence — he's a "blockhead." And Yusuke, though intimidating and violent, is not your average, schoolyard bully. He doesn't care about money, only the insult and the damage this guy using his name might have done to his reputation. There's a little more nuance here than you might otherwise expect.

Also, note how dark the boys' standard uniforms are and how much they blend into the rest of the world. Yusuke, as our protagonist, stands out in his bright clothing. He was right, he does look better in green!

So he's ready to clobber this kid when one of the teachers arrive: Mr. Iwamoto.

Iwamoto demands to know what's going on, but the boys are too terrified to rat Yusuke out. Noticing the wallet on the ground, he assumes that Yusuke was after their money, something that greatly offends him: "Whatever!" Iwamoto goes on to say that, "No good weeds like you should have been plucked a long time ago," making it clear that he considers Yusuke a hopeless case. The positive aspects that Keiko sees, as well as the complexity the viewer sees — to say nothing of his introduction of saving a kid — aren’t considered here.

Notably, Iwamoto exists in part to show us what Yusuke could become. Not a teacher (he's obviously not attending school enough for that!), but a cynical man who is cruel for cruelty's sake. Yusuke is already barreling down that path, ignoring Keiko's advice, terrorizing other students, trying to punch EMTs, etc. If his life (or afterlife...) hadn't changed through that accident, this is the kind of person Yusuke might have grown up to be, and we can see that clearly in the visual parallels between them. Dark haired men dressed in green who scowl with ease and toss out cutting insults. Yusuke is staring his future in the face.

For now he walks off with a final shot, "You shouldn't talk. It makes you sound stupid." This time Yusuke makes it to the school's entrance and tries to enjoy his second attempt at chewing gum, but someone hits him in the back of the head.

"Okay, somebody's DEAD — ah. Sorry, old man."

"That's Mr. Takenaka to you."

Our principal has finally left the office and hunted down Yusuke for himself! Putting this interaction immediately after the one with Iwamoto allows the viewer to compare them. Yusuke might be irreverent towards his principal, but it's clear there's still some kind of respect between them. Yusuke only starts threatening because he doesn’t realize who hit him and once he does realize it's Takenaka, he immediately apologizes. That "old man" comes across as a teasing insult and Yusuke allows himself to be briefly dragged back towards school, rather than throwing a now classic punch. In turn, Takenaka cares enough about Yusuke to try and keep him on the straight and narrow. He utilizes Yusuke's preferred language — violence — but in a casual way, nonthreatening way: slight hit to the back of his head, noogie, pulling him along by the ear. 

It's the sort of physicality we're used to seeing in media between a parent and child who are outwardly antagonistic, but actually share a deep bond. Takenaka is also careful to frame their return to his office as a "discussion," not a punishment, and offers Yusuke tea along with the conversation. Whereas Iwamoto considers Yusuke to be a "weed" that should have been plucked from their school long ago, Takenaka is determined to help Yusuke bloom.

If we're continuing the flower metaphor :D

Yusuke isn't in the mood to play along though. He gets away by using a fake ear, startling Takenaka when it unexpectedly pulls free. Yusuke escapes the school grounds and Takenaka, suffering a back twinge from his fall, can't chase after him. Poor guy. I understand that pain lol.

Yusuke heads home where we're introduced to his mother, Atsuko. Most notable in her first shot is the soft lighting that highlights her looks. We're not told how old she is here, but I believe she's around 28 — and she looks it, if not younger. Given that Yusuke is 14, that means Atsuko was a mom at his age. This is a quick and subtle way to tell us about Yusuke's home life. There are more overt details in this scene — it's at least lunchtime and Atsuko hasn't left her bed yet, she demands that Yusuke make her coffee instead of greeting him, it's all meant to imply (before we actually see) that she's an alcoholic — but her age is another way to highlight the broken household here. There's no partner in sight and she clearly had Yusuke as a teenager. He hasn't had a strong parental figure to take care of him. If anything, Yusuke is taking care of Atsuko here.

"Oh great, mother of the year!" basically sums things up.

Atsuko wants to know why Yusuke isn't in school and he says that everyone is pissing him off today, particularly with their preaching. "Dear, if you hate preaching so much you should live on your own... but you can't do that, can you?" Alongside a rough upbringing, Yusuke is suffering from the common problem of being trapped in a dead-end life. He hates his school, his town, and coming home to find his mom hungover. Yusuke has no prospects and, outside of one principal, no one who is actively working to help him find some. Even the little things he hates, like being preached to, are unavoidable because if you want to live on your own, that requires money. Good luck pulling that off as a middle schooler whose only skill is street fighting!

Yusuke walks off in a huff, literally shouting in a street about what a bad day he's having (and hilariously scaring off pedestrians in the process). His shout brings trouble though. A couple guys appear to ambush him, their boss close behind. The music increases the tension, Yusuke's expression is serious, and we even get a Dutch angle thrown into the mix. 

For any who don't know, the Dutch angle is a popular film technique to establish that something is wrong. There's tension in the scene, something uneasy is at play, and the world is now literally off center. It's perhaps most famously used in Do The Right Thing to establish the friction between an Italian-American pizzeria and the predominantly African American neighborhood it's based in.

But it's also used a great deal in horror as a way to say: yup, shit just got real. Scary real.

This Dutch angle introduces a character you may not appreciate at first, but absolutely should: Kazuma Kuwabara.

He's initially the comic relief and that's clear in his introduction. Within seconds we move from that intimidating arrival to, well, seeing him. To be clear, I've got nothing against redheads with big chins, but compared to Yusuke's design, Kuwabara is meant to be the funny looking one. His threat level plummets the moment we get a look at his face, especially in a series that will occasionally use looks as a (supposed) measure of intelligence. 

Also, Kuwabara is dressed in light blue so, like Yusuke, we know he's important!

Any assumptions that his appearance isn’t meant to imply a goofy, embarrassing personality are put to rest when Kuwabara starts rambling about how they last time they fought Yusuke just got a cheap shot in and he'll definitely win this time. Yeah, he won't. Yusuke is thrilled by this diversion though and we get a shot of him looking almost as creepy as Keiko's friends think he is. Whatever else might be said about Yusuke, he is absolutely a monster in a fight.

Which we see here. If anyone picked up the series without knowing this was a fighting anime, they'll realize it now. Yusuke's choreography is stylized to show off his skill: he disappears with a 'whoosh' and dark lines to suggest inhuman speed,

attacking Kuwabara with a knee to the face, utilizes flying kicks, lands perfect, precision punches, and ends it all with the toe-tip landing we've come to expect of all powerful fighters. Kuwabara never even got a hit in. 

Happy as a clam now, Yusuke wanders off whistling and Kuwabara's friends are left to pick up the pieces. AKA, his likely broken bones. I love that they're legit friends though and not just nameless goons for the sake of giving Kuwabara a small gang (though their names won't come up until later). "That makes 0 wins an 156 loses!" one of them cries, trying to get Kuwabara to stop ending up in the hospital, probably. We establish that Kuwabara is The Most Dramatic Ever when he pulls his broken body into a seated position, shouting, "No! I almost had him that time!"

Then he passes out.

Kuwabara, honey, you obviously did not almost have him, but god bless you for the outlook. The most optimistic thing on this Earth is a well-loved Golden Retriever, but Kuwabara comes in at a very close second.

With his dream to one day beat Yusuke in combat established, we cut to Yusuke wandering the street where the episode opened. "Okay, I'm remembering" he says in a voiceover. "After that I met the kid."

The soccer ball reappears as it rolls to a stop at Yusuke's feet. He grabs it and immediately starts yelling at the kid. Horrible protagonist, right? Well, Yusuke is trying to instill in him the danger of using this street as a playground, a worry the viewer already knows is 100% justified. “Listen, kid, that’s dangerous! There are cars going by that will splatter you into the pavement!” It's one of those quick moments where we get to enjoy Yusuke's duality: he's someone who is nearly making a toddler cry, but for rather understandable reasons. He's got the right idea, but needs to go about it in a more mature manner.

Which is precisely what he attempts to do. Sort of. Yusuke changes gears, though whether it's a more "mature" route is certainly up for debate lol. He tries entertaining the kid instead, raising and lowering the soccer ball to reveal goofy faces.

When these fail to impress, Yusuke goes full out by stuffing the ball into his pants, pushing his nose up with a pair of chopsticks he got from god knows where, and generally just putting on a display.

So Yusuke cares very deeply about his reputation... but only when it comes to those who are an established part of his life. Keiko, Mr. Takenaka, and the other kids at school all need to maintain a particular image of Yusuke, one that he's carefully cultivated. But random pedestrians on the street? Who cares about them? Let them talk.

This shows us that Yusuke does indeed have priorities over his own, selfish goals. Namely, the happiness of some kid is more important to him than looking "cool" for a bunch of strangers. Lots of characters with Yusuke's surface attitude would sneer at the idea of degrading themselves for — their words — some brat. But Yusuke, as we constantly see, actually does have that heart of gold. “Well, if all else fails I can still make kids happy.”

Although... I'm not sure what to make of his display itself. I have the distinct sense that there's something prejudiced here that I'm not able to fully articulate, what with the chopsticks, slanted eyes, bald head, and the like, though to be entirely frank I don't have enough knowledge of Japan's history to say precisely what it might be. Or, really, whether it exists at all. Just something to chew on.

What I am sure about though is the importance of having the child label Yusuke as monster — "Yeah, monster! — but in a delighted manner. Yusuke is indeed some kind a monster, someone who disappoints adults and terrifies his classmates, a demon fighter on the streets too, but here that identity is reworked into something positive.

Having successful secured a laugh, Yusuke tells the kid — calmly this time — to go play elsewhere. The toddler stares up at him with the blank expression only kids can manage.

Well, kids and whatever headspace I'm in after writing these metas.

To absolutely no one's surprise except Yusuke's, the kid does not go elsewhere. Instead, he continues kicking the ball down the street, causing Yusuke to exclaim, “Dammit, what’s the use? The kid can get smashed by a car for all I care!” Liar, liar. 

The picture becomes desaturated as the kid kicks the ball and it flies into the street, time slowing down to show it landing precisely in the middle of the road. Yusuke again yells for him to stay put, but when has a toddler ever listened? He begins to walk into the road as our driver arrives, speeding, swerving, and paying more attention to the girl at his side than what's in front of him.

This time, we see the accident from the front with both Yusuke and the kid presented equally.

There's a cut to black and when we return we're in the present, Yusuke floating above the policemen now investigating the scene. “So that’s it? I’m roadkill?” As Yusuke realizes he's dead, specifically that he's a ghost, a voice goes,

"Bingo! Bingo! You win the prize!"

A woman has appeared who is quite obviously othered by the standards of the episode so far. Unlike the greens, blues, and browns of the series' modern clothes, she's dressed in hot pink kimono with blue hair to match. She's also, you know, floating on an oar.

“I didn’t expect you to figure it out so quickly," she says, referring to Yusuke's revelation that he's dead. Apparently, those who meet unexpected and/or violent ends tend to take some time coming to terms with their demise. It's a nice acknowledgment of Yusuke's intelligence in an interaction that's otherwise... not great for his self-esteem.

Meaning, this woman is about to drag him lol.

She introduces herself as Botan, pilot of the River Styx and guider of souls to the afterlife. You might also know her as the Grim Reaper.

(Hey, RWBY fans: I originally wrote that as Grimm Reaper 🤦‍♀️)

It's an claim Yusuke takes issue with because 1. Botan is too pretty to be the Grim Reaper and 2. If she was really some god of death she'd be taking this much more seriously, not laughing and saying, "Bingo!" For the audience this does two things. First, it acknowledges our own expectations and validates them. Yusuke's world isn't so far removed from our own that he takes Botan's looks and personality at face value, he also expected a skeleton with a scythe. So don't worry, all the weird stuff in this series is weird to our protagonist too. They'll be explanations. Or, even if there’s not, you’re not wrong for being surprised. 

Second, it sets up the very common theme in YYH of undermining those common assumptions again and again and again. We've already seen it with Yusuke, wherein characters who look and act a certain way are, supposedly, destined to be that person and nothing more. Yusuke is meant to be just a "weed," a dumb, violent, angry loser who goes nowhere in life... but we already know he's more than that. Botan is supposed to be scary and serious, but she says nah, I want to be cute and bubbly instead. No character in YYH embodies who they're "supposed" to be when you look past those surface characterizations. They play the part of archetypes — and do keep certain parts of their expected personalities — but they're also far more well-rounded than that. Which yeah, is something most people expect from any story nowadays, but YYH is particularly adept at making you think you're watching Simple Show A only to turn around and surprise you with More Complex Show B.

It's great, trust me.

So Yusuke is pissed that Botan isn't adhering to those expectations, in the same way that he works hard to validate others expectations of him. He doesn't know how to deal with someone challenging his world view yet. Rather than angering Botan though, she just nods and says that this response makes sense for him. “Rather than being scared, or surprised, you yell a lot and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about." Taking out a notebook, she quickly summarizes everything we learned in the flashback — minus Yusuke's complexities: he's fourteen, in middle school, is ill-tempered, violent, hates authority, and is a horrible student.

Typically, Yusuke responds by getting angry and trying to snatch the booklet out of her hands, only for Botan to pull it out of his reach, laughing. The tables have turned! Rather than being surrounded by people who cower at Yusuke's imposed authority, he now finds himself faced with someone who laughs at his transparent attempts to take control of the situation.

Calming down, Yusuke wants to know if the kid he saved is really alright and Botan offers to let him see for himself. That offer produces Yusuke's first, genuine smile.

They fly to the hospital where a doctor is in the process of giving the kid a clean bill of health, his mother crying with relief. 

That's enough for Yusuke. “Alright, Botan, I’ve got no regrets, so you can take me to hell or wherever it is I’m going.”

That tells you all you need to know about Yusuke's self-worth, despite his bad boy attitude. His life is a dead-end as far as he can see and most of those around him haven't done anything to dissuade him of that idea. He says he doesn't care if the kid lives or dies, but then instinctively saves him. Post his death, Yusuke doesn't have anything he considers a regret, or anything he'd like to do before he leaves, like saying goodbye to a loved one. Oh, he's also pretty sure he's going to hell and has resigned himself to that without a fight.

Uplifting!

Botan just laughs though, saying that she's actually here to offer Yusuke an "ordeal" that could bring him back to life. See, he wasn't supposed to die today — let alone die saving a kid — and frankly they don't know what to do with him. It's another neat summary of what we've already learned: Yusuke is a far more complicated case than the afterlife assumed and now, when push comes to shove, deciding whether he belongs in heaven or hell is... muddled.

There's a fantastic story there about the problems with an afterlife that reduces a person's entire life to a few surface characteristics recorded in a book, refusing to acknowledge the context of their situation, or their capacity for change. “Run someone with your credentials a thousand times and they never would have saved a kid like that." Except, of course, Yusuke did save him, so those "credentials" are suspect, to say the least. However, YYH is not a story that explores these issues. Instead, I recommend you watch this!

Rather than being upset at the afterlife's low opinion of him (because let's be real, Yusuke shares it), he latches onto a little detail Botan let slip. If he wasn't supposed to die today... then was the kid?

Mmm... no. Actually, without the chaos of Yusuke jumping into the road, the driver would have swerved at the last second and the kid would have not only lived, but actually come out with one less scrape.

So Yusuke is obviously upset by this news! I would be too!! Holy shit, hang onto the "it's the thought that counts" message with everything you've got.

Also, don't think too much about the fact that the afterlife apparently knows exactly what will happen to people, down to how many cuts they accumulate in an accident. Also, don't think too much about where the afterlife foreseeing the crash begins and the unexpectedness of Yusuke interfering ends. That way lies madness. This will never come up again, so just let it go.

Sorry, 2013 me hijacked the post for a second.

As said, Yusuke is understandably upset by this revelation and as he fumes I'm reminded that this series likes to pull some amazing expressions.

Botan reiterates that it's all fine because Yusuke can come back to life. Weren't you listening? He should feel honored, in fact, considering that an offer like this only arrives every 100 years or so. Well, that explains why all of humanity isn't grappling with people coming back to life on the daily. One person every generation isn't going to cause much of a stir.

However, instead of jumping at the chance Yusuke announces that Botan is just like the teachers at school: she doesn't know what she's talking about. “You said yourself my life was kind of pathetic, right?” he says, going on to explain that everyone will be happier now that he's dead. His school won't have to deal with his behavior, Keiko won't have to nag him, and his mom will be able to party whenever she wants. It's a win-win for everyone involved. 

Hmm, this feels familiar. 

Don't worry, Yusuke doesn't need to experience a whole alternate reality to get the message.

“I’m sorry you feel that way at such an early age," Botan says and she is sorry, because despite her teasing nature that's a legitimately horrifying thing to believe. Yusuke won't budge though and after a little back-and-forth Botan leaves, telling Yusuke he should think it over while visiting his wake. She'll come back once he decides what to do.

“Do you have worms in your ears, lady? I did decide!” but Botan is long gone.

We cut to that night where Yusuke has indeed decided to attend his own wake. Maybe because of Botan's advice, maybe because he's just morbidly curious. We’re not given insight into the decision. 

Atsuko is a mess, to put it mildly, not dressed for the occasion and sitting slumped against the way, staring vacantly as the guests offer their condolences. Yusuke is surprised by the fact that his entire class is here, but quickly writes them off when he sees two of the boys laughing. I'm on the fence about this detail, which I'll unpack in just a second.

First though, Yusuke sees Keiko exiting the house, inconsolable in her grief. She collapses on the ground with her two friends trying to offer comfort, despite the fact that they had nothing good to say about Yusuke himself. Good on them.

Before he can think too long on this though, Yusuke is distracted by Kuwabara's arrival. Unlike Keiko's crying, he expresses his grief through yelling. Specifically, yelling at Yusuke. For dying. For daring to "run away." His own friends are physically holding him back as he charges into the wake, screaming, “Who am I gonna fight now, huh? Who am I gonna fight?" It's not really about the fighting, of course. At least, not the fighting alone. "You’re supposed to be here for me," Kuwabara finishes, the punch he's thrown at Yusuke's photo going limp and catching his first tear.

You know, for all the  goofy expressions, this show really is gorgeous. Just wait until we get to the fight animations.

Kuwabara's reaction is why I hesitate to write off the classmates like Yusuke has. Granted, we have no reason to believe that they care for him as Kuwabara does — they're nameless background characters defined only by their terror of "the great Urameshi" — but it's still a split second taken out of context. We don't know what they were laughing at, or if laughing is a part of their grief. God knows I personally laugh at the most inappropriate moments. If you tell me someone has just died there is a very good chance I will laugh awkwardly as I try to process that. It’s just a reflex. All of which I bring up not because these side characters are important, but because Yusuke's perception of his own worth is. The point of each of these moments is to show that those around him have always cared for him, even if Yusuke didn't notice. It's nice to think that extends to his classmates too. The variety likewise exists to show us how people grieve differently, with Kuwabara's friends not understanding that this is how he's working through the trauma: “This place is for mourning!” He is mourning, even if his way of mourning isn't as socially acceptable as Keiko's. So if screaming and throwing punches is valid, crying is valid, staring stoically in a drunk stupor is valid... why not laughter too?

Not likely, perhaps, but possible.

As an additional possibility to chew on, watching this premier again, it struck me how more emotional Kuwabara's scene is compared to Keiko's. Don't get me wrong, crying and calling Yusuke’s name gets the point across, but it's two seconds of generic grief compared to a much longer scene rife with intensity. When Kuwabara arrives the music swells and everyone is forced to pay attention to him. His grief is loud, violent, and given symbolism with his fist and the photo. There's more effort put into his reaction, frankly, so it wouldn't surprise me if fans started shipping them after this. That grief combined with an "enemies to lovers" possibility is a pretty potent mix. To be clear, Yusuke/Keiko is the (oh so obvious) canonical endgame and in the fandom Yusuke/Kuwabara can't compare to another slash ship that will turn up later, but this is a good example of how writers can craft some Very Gay Scenes without realizing it. When you have the girl crying prettily for a second and the guy absolutely losing his mind over Yusuke's death, questioning his purpose now, his support network, and then collapsing in grief... don't be surprised if your audience goes, "Oh hey, maybe they'd be a good couple instead."

But I digress.

The only people who are unquestioningly happy about Yusuke's passing are Mr. Iwamoto and his co-conspirator, Mr. Akashi. You know Akashi is another bad guy because he has bucked teeth and "ugliness" is an easy way to code for evilness. YYH is not immune to those mistakes :/

These two are really something else though, standing in the middle of a wake and claiming it's “too bad that car wasn’t big enough for them too," referring to Kuwabara and his friends. Wow! What stellar members of the academic community. Iwamoto goes on to say that Yusuke dying at least accomplished something good. Not, mind you, saving the life of a child, but rather looking good for their school's reputation. Akashi agrees, but says it's likely Yusuke only accidentally saved him while trying to steal the kid's lunch money. Remember, that accusation of theft is the one thing Yusuke has said outright that he does not do.

He's pissed listening to all this — wouldn't you be? — but knows by now he can't do anything about it. In another fantastic shot, Yusuke hovers his hand over Iwamoto's shoulder, desperate to grab him, when Takenaka's arrives there instead.

“What do you suppose is more disgraceful? That boy showing his misery, or your insensitive and idiotic words!”

HELL YEAH. You tell 'em, Mr. Takenaka.

Yusuke gets his third shock of the night at this passionate defense. Takenaka leaves the teachers to go pay his respects, but admits to Yusuke's picture that he just can't speak well of him. He was surprised to hear that Yusuke gave up his life for another and it's a fact that he acted selfishly. Though he doesn't say it in as many words, Takenaka explains that he's not grieving because Yusuke was a good person, but because it's so clear to him that he might have been. “Why didn’t you stay? You could have made something great out of yourself.”

Normally, "Why didn't you stay?" is just something for the living to grapple with, as the dead obviously don't have any say in what happens to them. But Yusuke does. It's here that the lighting grows soft again and Yusuke considers Takenaka's words. Keiko and Kuwabara grieve for who he was, but Takenaka grieves for who Yusuke could have been — someone that might still exist if Yusuke decides to undergo this ordeal.

Atsuko adds fuel to the emotional fire, breaking down and hiding her face in her knees.

Finally, the kid Yusuke saved arrives with his mother. Because yes, Yusuke saved him in every way that matters, considering no one else knows — or will know — that he'd have lived anyway. I like that the show doesn't allow that knowledge to undermine the emotion of their arrival, or what Yusuke’s act meant to them. 

The mom tells her son to pay his respects and the kid thanks Yusuke for saving him, and for "making faces." He clearly doesn't get what's going on here. This is confirmed as the two leave and he asks his mom if he can play with Yusuke again tomorrow. “I know some people sounded angry at him, but he’s really nice!" 

They're probably just crying because they want to play with him too, he thinks, which just makes his mom join in. Everyone is crying in this club tonight.

Those words are the cincher for Yusuke and with a brief montage of all the grief he's witnessed, he makes his decision.

We cut to later that night where Yusuke floats above the city, admiring the moon. Botan reappears and he asks, “Have you ever not known about something that seemed obvious to everyone else?” Yes, everyone has experienced that at one point or another. She asks if he's made his decision and Yusuke agrees to try and come back to life.

Emotional revelations out of the way, we're allowed another tone shift as Botan yells with joy, speeding off and causing Yusuke to grab hold of the end of her oar, lest he be left behind. Cranky as always, he demands to know where they're going. "To the spirit world, of course!" They're off to see someone who can explain the ordeal and give Yusuke the tool needed to complete it. Just hang on and enjoy the ride.

Thus ends our very first episode! Ah, the nostalgia. This is part one of a four arc series, with the anime cutting out a lot of the filler stories found at the start of the manga — a smart decision, I think. They primarily do the work of teaching Yusuke what he learned at the wake, so if you can accomplish that as quickly as the adaptation did, all the better. Especially since Yusuke needs to grow a great deal beyond the basic understanding that people might, sort of care for him, and that work will occur primarily through a job he's going to take on. The series isn't really about his death and it's not about an attempt to come back either — it's about what happens once you get that second chance. So this is the setup, but it's important setup all the same.

No need to skip ahead though. I've blathered enough for one recap. I hope you enjoyed and I'll see you when the writing gods next bless me with energy! 💜

[amberskywrites]

Soulmarks and Surprises

First fic for this fandom! A bit iffy on how well it turned out- but! Hopefully as I write more for this fandom the more comfortable I can become with the characters and writing fics with them! Anywho- enjoy!

Masterpost

Pairing: Zukka

Fandom / Genre: Avatar the Last Airbender /  Fluff

Summary: Soulmarks and soulmates were something that was pushed to the back of people's minds once the fire nation attacked... Suddenly, it was no longer a priority to find the one you were supposedly destined to be with, all according to black images somewhere on your body. 

Well, Sokka at least doesn't have to look too far to find his soulmate.

-------------------

Sokka had noticed the mark a long time ago, when they were staying in Ozai's old house. He was watching Zuko teach Aang firebending one day, and couldn't help searching the prince's torso for that telling mark. He was curious if Zuko even had a soulmark.

He never usually thought much of soulmarks. They were common, but often overlooked at this point. It was difficult for most to find their soulmate after the fire nation started trying to take over the world, and suddenly soulmates weren't the most important thing in cultures anymore. But with the war hopefully ending soon… Sokka wondered if people would become more determined to find their soulmate.

Suki wasn't his, he knew that. The two had compared their marks late one night when they had become curious, and although they looked kind of similar, it was clear they weren't the same. Sokka's was a wave that crashed and turned into flames, and Suki's were flames being blown into a night sky by a fan.

Sokka had never seen Katara's soulmark, and Aang… Aang didn't seem to have one. Sokka assumed it was because he was the Avatar, so maybe he just wouldn't ever have a soulmate. And Sokka hadn't tried seeing Toph's.

But he was curious about Zuko's soulmark. And so, watching him train Sokka observed and searched until he spotted it. It was on the same side his scar was on, on his lower back, easy to hide if he wanted. And Sokka's heart stopped beating for a few moments as he stared at the mirror image of his own mark.

Sokka had trouble sleeping that night, but with the comet arriving soon, Sokka decided that he could bring up the soulmark another time.

-

The day before Sozin's comet, Sokka finally pulled Zuko aside. He couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of one of them dying and Zuko not at least knowing that they were soulmates. Sokka thought he had a right to know, so that if Sokka did die and Zuko lived Zuko could at least not spend years hoping to find his soulmate. 

Zuko tilted his head at Sokka, frowning slightly. "What's going on with you?" he asked. "You're more jittery than usual."

Sokka let go of Zuko's arm, instead folding his own arms over his chest. "I… I really need to talk with you about something, something that I've known for a bit now." Sokka didn't meet Zuko's eyes as he spoke, trying to gather his thoughts.

Zuko waited patiently, watching as his friend worried at his bottom lip. He'd never seen Sokka appear this nervous before, really. "It's about soulmarks, specifically yours."

Zuko stiffened slightly at that, frown deepening. He thought no one cared about those anymore… he certainly didn't like them, especially knowing he had one and that some poor soul was quite possibly destined to be with him. As a child, because of the water mixing with flames in his soulmark, Azula would tease him because his soulmate would probably be a waterbender, or from one of the water tribes at least, something not really sought after in his family.

"Yeah?"

Sokka nodded.

Zuko also really didn't like the idea that a stupid mark told him who he would end up loving, if they ever met at all-

"I um, I have the same one."

Zuko blinked at Sokka in confusion, his thoughts having come to a sudden halt. It took a moment for Zuko to process what Sokka had said, and he was shaking his head at the water tribe boy.

"No, you don't."

Spirits, Sokka had to be lying. Zuko couldn't think of why Sokka would lie about being his soulmate, but there was no way Sokka was Zuko's. Zuko knew Sokka was destined to be with someone much greater.

"I can show you if you don't believe me." Before Zuko could say anything, Sokka was moving his tunic aside and turned slightly, showing the back of his shoulder. Black swirled together in a pattern Zuko very easily recognized, and he felt his throat closed as he stared at the mark. Sokka took a deep breath as he shifted his clothes back in place. Zuko shook his head again, trying to catch up with his thoughts. "This was probably the worst time to tell you- I should have when I first found out but I couldn't cause I wasn't sure how to bring it up or how you would react or even feel about that, but you deserved to know, especially if things go south and something happens."

The silence was worse than any rejection Sokka could have imagined, it just felt so tense and Zuko looked blank, and Sokka needed just some sort of reaction.

"Zuko, say something, please," Sokka didn't speak loudly, taking a hesitant step towards Zuko. Zuko didn't move away from him, instead, he glanced towards where the others had all made camp. When he returned his gaze back to Sokka, something seemed to switch and he reached out for the young warrior and embraced him tightly.

Sokka was frozen for a moment before he returned the hug, feeling Zuko bury his face in the crook of Sokka's neck. "Don't you dare let things go south," Zuko mumbled, pressing closer. "I want to be able to properly talk about this when we aren't gonna go end this war in about a day."

Relief washed over Sokka for a moment, and his arms tightened around Zuko. "Will definitely try."

-

Things luckily worked out in the end. They talked in the infirmary of the palace and had agreed to try dating, see if they were actually a good match, but they also wanted to take it slow. Things were already moving so quickly in their lives, they didn't need another thing to pile on.

That was roughly three years ago, though. Zuko had been crowned Firelord, and after Sokka healed he returned to the southern water tribe to help rebuild and to also help improve his tribe's home. They exchanged letters for those two years, each letter growing sappier the longer they were apart.

Zuko was reading over a document, one he was planning on proposing to the school administrators soon to change curriculums. He was so focused he barely registered the loud knocking on his door. It was fairly late, he realized as he rose from his desk, back stiff and aching, and he wondered who would even be up at this hour besides some guards.

The knocking continued until he finally opened his door, sighing, about to scold whoever for possibly disrupting some visiting ambassador's sleep. Zuko snapped his mouth shut though at the grinning face in front of him, and the smile was infectious.

"I thought you weren't going to be able to make it for another week?"

Sokka shrugged. "I couldn't help myself from making a surprise visit," and he nodded towards Zuko's room, a silent question. Zuko moved out of the way, letting Sokka inside and Zuko thanked the guard who had escorted him before closing the door.

Sokka was already settled on Zuko's bed and he reached out, beckoning his boyfriend over. Zuko rolled his eyes as Sokka started making grabby hands instead, and he shrugged off his formal robes. He had started wearing more comfortable clothes underneath them so he could feel a bit more relaxed in meetings. Zuko put the robes in a hamper, knowing the servants would come and retrieve them by morning, and he accepted Sokka's embrace, practically melting into the water tribe boy's arms.

"You've been working too hard," Sokka muses as he kicks off his shoes before shifting them both under Zuko's blankets. He did it with ease, Zuko curled up on his lap basically made it easier for him to move and lie down. Zuko nestled into his chest, and felt Sokka remove his hair from the bun he always kept it in. The crown was also taken out, set on the nightstand near Zuko's bed.

"I've gotta if I want to keep improving the fire nation," Zuko says, listening to Sokka's steady heartbeat. Sokka hummed knowingly, fingers combing through Zuko's hair. Zuko sighed at the touch and relaxed further.

"Missed you," Sokka mumbled, and Zuko nodded slightly in agreement. "I can stay longer than I did last time, too."

Zuko glanced up at him, curious. "How long, exactly?" Last time, Sokka was able to stay for about a month. But that was last year. Sokka grins down at him, hand not in Zuko's hair moving down Zuko's back and slipping under Zuko's shirt, tracing the soulmark there.

"As long as I want, if you'll let me."

Zuko returned to his previous position, and he nodded slightly. "Of course, you could stay forever if you truly wanted."

Sokka laughs at that, and he presses a kiss to the top of Zuko's head. "I'll keep that in mind. You look tired though, so how about we sleep, and tomorrow over breakfast you can complain about the boring meetings like you do in your letters."

Zuko huffs, but doesn't object to sleeping and he falls asleep faster than Sokka thought he would. Sokka doesn't mention the pendant he made, that's something he could bring up after he caught up with his soulmate.

[kingsofneon]

Kink ask--omorashi/piss kinks? (No specific characters or ships in mind, but if you have hcs about it, you'd have my full attention.)

No | rather not | I dunno | I guess | Sure | Yes | FUCK yes | Oh god you don’t even know |

okay, look, okay. LOOK. okay. im. very specific abt this one. because A LOT butts right up against me being like Yo that’s Unsanitary. But. I really like this one really specific part of it in like a REALLY INTENSE WAY

just.

like.

the aspect of humiliation in really needing to go and being told not to, squirming as they try and be good or hold themselves back because it feels good to be fucked full while already needy, wanting to concentrate on. being fucked but also so desperate that they can’t concentrate?

and then the relief of being able to go, to let go as asked, the satisfaction of release OR. the humiliation of not being able. to hold it. being debased for making a mess.

eeeeverything else I’m kinda eh/iffy on but. that. gets to me.

(i have headcanons but they’re going under a readmore kdjdj bc otherwise im just gonna have to DIE :) )

mainly i think sabo is into it. smacks itself right into his humiliation kink and he went Oh No and that was it, as soon as he realised it was a kink he couldnt stop thinking about the fact that he often feels really good if he consciously holds back the urge.

he used to get distracted and not pee but then like. after finding out it was an actual kink he pays More Attention to when he has to pee like ‘ i cannot be into this’

but no shocker he is

anyway, scenario of ace/mar finding out is probs smth like, sabo distracting himself on purpose because he does have to get this stuff done but it’s pretty lowkey?

and he doesnt realise koala Knows they have free time and has called his bfs for a surprise (we can say it’s near his birthday so she’s decided she can be nice. as a treat.)

so he’s a little needing-it, but not super there, just an edge at the back of his mind, when ace comes in and puts his hands over sabo’s eyes and is like guess who~

“there’s two guesses, by the way, yoi”

and sabo is like oh!

ofc he first has to tamp down the urge to slam his elbow into ace’s stomach, bc he thought she was koala at first, and he’s trying to say like,  Do Not Sneak Up on him, but thgen he’s like wait it’s my boyfriend being cute. we will allow it....

and he gets to turn around and ace still has his hands over sabo’s eyes and gives him a kiss and he’s like. trying not to smile because. he loves them. and it’s really nice to be surprised like this. Normally he has to go visit them instead, they don’t often get to see him.

a Moment of makeouts and soft grinding and physical affection and then Ace is like you should show us around the base!!

and sabo’s like I could show you my bedroom? (eyes emoji)

but Marco just grins at him and he’s like “nahhh, we have time for that later.”

Sabo wants to groan at his cheese but he’s also like okay Fine, dork. Because. he does just like spending time with them and he wasnt super riled up

but.

it does mean

he totally forgot that he needed to piss

it isn’t until an hour later that it suddenly comes back with a vengeance, and sabo’s like ah shit. I had like a fuckton of water. And they’re. hmmm. maybe half-way on a hike or smth? sabo is showing them the revo dock. bc normally the two of them fly in lmao (makes it easier to hide their connection, if Marco flies them both in)

and also the dock is pretty and leads into a beach and it’s disguised as a abandoned fishing town/tourist trap, so he thought they’d like it.

and they do, if the fact that Ace hasn’t stopped grinning, is anything to go by. he just. also. needs to pee. and ace’s smile needs to stop distracting him.

but ace keeps dragging him around and he doesn’t want to say anything, so he’s like nah! it’s gonna be totally fine! We can stop for some food or snacks and I’ll just have a moment to myself then.

but also he’s trying not to get a little turned on. aching to go, and also, thinking about how humiliating it’d be, for his boyfriends to see him hard when they’re just hanging out for kicks, or how nice but confused they’d be, if Sabo accidentally-

and he stops the thought RIGHT THERE because he absoLUTELY cannot live if he thinks about that, and indulges that fantasy, and then Marco places the back of his hand against sabo’s forehead and he’s like huh??

“You look really flushed, Sabo,” Marco says, frowning at him. And it’s an Actual Frown, not a teasing frown. “I think you’re getting sunburnt.”

Sabo spluttering a protest but then Ace drags him into the shade of some rocks and. well. it does actually feel a lot better in the shade, but now that he’s stopped he just. can’t distract himself. pressing his thighs together but trying to look natural, Marco and Ace just chatting and it is Totally Normal he absolutely isn’t desperate to pee, feeling it throb and-

oh shit, oh fuck, that was definitely a leek, Sabo can feel it, the sudden release of tension rocketing through him, feeling so good, and he gives a tiny, sharp little gasp and bites his lip and Marco / Ace are like "Sabo? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” and they’re just touching him, Ace trying to pick away at his coat to see if he’s injured, Marco feeling for a temperature and then at his neck for a pulse, and Sabo’s skin is singing at their touch, at their care, the lingering trace of their fingertips, and he grabs Marco’s laps and grits his teeth and he’s like

“Look, I just really need to pee.”    

“Then....just go?” Ace suggests, looking at him with a confused frown, and oh god Sabo’s now just imagining if Ace actually meant it the way Sabo’s brain suddenly leapt to, for Sabo to just go, piss staining his crotch and trickling down his leg to pool on the sand, and Sabo can just imagine how good it would feel if he-

“Oh,” says Marco, cupping his cheek. Sabo will not look at them, but he can absolutely feel how red-hot his cheeks get under Marco’s touch, under the weight of that tone.

“You don’t wanna go, do you, Sabo?” he says carefully, and Ace makes an even more confused sounding huh? next to them. “You just like- feeling like you have to. Is that right?”

“Shut upppp,” Sabo hisses, and Ace is like, computing next to him, and Sabo is so so so embarrassed and so fucking turned on that he’s hard as shit and they haven’t even touched him

wow! great! at least he can’t pee with his dick hard as fuck! but also!

he needs to spontaneously combust in embarrassment

“Oh it’s a kink!” goes Ace, and his eyes dart so fucking obviously to Sabo’s dick and Sabo kinda wants to cover himself but that’s an even more obvious move than Ace seeing his stupid erection and Why is this his Life

Except. Ace is kissing his cheek. And pressing himself against Sabo and sneaking his hand into Sabo’s pants, and Marco is backing him up against the wall. and he’s got a knee between Sabo’s legs for Sabo to grind on.

“Wha-?” he says, knowing now he’s the one who sounds like a confused idiot, and Marco just cocks his head and looks at him

“It is a kink, right? You like this?”

“I- I mean- I don’t-” and both of them are paused & staring at him and his cheeks are aflame as he manages a jagged nod, and then Marco gives him a quick kiss and when he pulls back Ace is just like

“Well if you like it then we can try it out.” and he shrugs like it’s fucking simple, like Sabo hasn’t been super embarrassed this entire time and it settles in him (they love you) and then Marco’s hand reaches out and he fucking presses on Sabo’s bladder and Sabo gasps, needy and pained, yanking Marco’s shirt as he tries to close his legs further, tries to stop that ache, feeling himself shudder. And ace just grins and is like, “I mean, it is pretty hot seeing you squirm like this.”

👌 👌 👌 

and then they make out with him, hot and heavy, and when they finally jerk him off, his pants still around his hips and dick out, Marco then just presses on his bladder again and tells him not to pee but it’s too fucking late and Sabo sobs in relief at being able to piss.

So fucking humiliated at Ace & Marco watching him, loose and boneless from his orgasm, but also. they’re watching, watching him make a mess, watching him piss on the sand because he couldn’t hold it back any longer, and he can feel himself getting turned on again as the relief mixes with that preening sense of humiliation and exhibitionism.  ️

anyway 4 basic headcanons i kinda think Marco doesn’t really get it/isnt interested in trying it but he likes seeing Sabo desperate. He’s already very good at knowing what will humiliate sabo, this is just another tool in his arsenal, one that used by itself is more than enough to get sabo worked up and crying. he likes. seeing sabo cry.

ace has tried it a couple of times and sorta sees where Sabo’s coming from? but he likes being told he’s a good boy for holding it, for drinking when he’s told, he likes the control aspects more than the humiliation aspects, and sabo likes wetting himself and being mocked but ace is always ): when he “fails”.

AND THOSE ARE MY THOUGHTS AND NOW I NEED TO GO DIE, BYE :)

[joon-ipersgirl]

"dance with me" - jhs twoshot

genre: strangers to lovers!au, fluff, tiny bit of angst

pairing: hobi x reader (f)

summary: this is the first part of hobi’s birthday twoshot where he meets a girl on a night out on the town but loses her (a better summary will come later)

word count: 1.8k

warnings: some cursing, mentions of alcohol, not a happy ending rn

a/n: whew it's been a minute. as per, school and work are kicking my ass but i wanted to write something for hobi's birthday. i actually finished this first half on time but was stuck on the second half before i decided i should make this into a twoshot. i'm going to finish it though, hopefully soon. i’ll edit everything later. either way, enjoy :)

full masterlist // part two

“Guys, I really shouldn’t,” Hoseok laments.

“Why not?” Jimin whines from his sprawled out position on Hoseok’s aging leather sofa. “It’s been weeks since you’ve come out with us.”

Hoseok shrugs. “I’ve just been… busy,” he finishes lamely.

“Doing what?” Jungkook challenges from the kitchen, his voice barely carrying over the low hum of the open refrigerator.

“Okay, I guess I haven’t been doing too much. I just haven’t been in the mood? Life is just a lot right now,” Hoseok says as he picks at the fraying carpet on the floor. He really should get a new one.

“So, let us help you feel better!” Jimin rolls off the sofa, narrowly missing Hoseok’s head with his legs and keeping his leather pants intact. “A night out dancing with your best friends. Maybe a few drinks. You don’t even have to bring anyone home if you don’t want to.”

Hoseok is still iffy on Jimin’s proposal. Usually, he’d be the one encouraging his friends to enjoy a night out on the town but starting his new job at the architectural firm downtown a few weeks ago had really taken its toll. He knew that he’d have a lot to learn when he started but he didn’t think it’d be this much, the new programming and drawing systems much more sophisticated than what he’d remembered during his undergraduate matriculation. Hoseok spent much of his free time practicing his skills, exhausting himself late into the night. All he wanted to do was rest but it was proving to be challenging after his friends showed up on his doorstep tonight, demanding he join them.

“I don’t know, Jimin.”

“You don’t have to know anything. Look, if you aren’t having a good time by midnight, I’ll call you a cab home myself,” Jimin offers. “And Jungkook will buy you your first three drinks,” he tacks on after seeing Hoseok’s unwavering expression.

“Hey!” Jungkook exclaims from the entryway.

“It’s the least you could do, Jungkook. You’re literally eating him out of house and home right now,” Jimin says, pointing to the roll of kimbap Jungkook has in his hands.

“You can’t drink on an empty stomach,” the younger one counters.

“You ate an hour ago.”

“Fair enough,” Jungkook concedes. “Get dressed, Hobi. Drinks are on me,” he finishes around a mouthful of food. Jimin beams, turning to Hoseok.

Sighing, Hoseok reluctantly drags himself to his feet. “Fine. But you’re buying me drinks and dinner. Nope. I don’t want to hear it,” he says, holding up a finger. “Give me ten minutes.”

“Yes!” Jimin cheers as Hoseok heads to his room.

Twenty five minutes later, the three young men arrive at Antarri’s. Known for its strong drinks and booming bass, Antarri’s had become their regular stomping ground. It was safe to say a few other patrons recognized them in the dark; the trio’s dance reputation preceded them. On any given weekend the establishment would be flooded with young people ready to let loose their frustrations. The proximity of the city’s two major universities being just over a stone’s throw away may also help.

“Okay! Shots first!” Jimin yells over the incessant chatter. Hoseok shakes his head but follows his friend deeper into the club.

“What should we get?”

“Nothing too crazy -” Hoseok starts.

“Tequila!” Jungkook interrupts, waving his arm frantically for the bartender’s attention. Both Jimin and Hoseok blanch at the suggestion. “What? I’m buying. I should get to choose.”

Jimin shrugs. “He is buying.”

Hoseok rubs his forehead, already feeling the splitting migraine he’d have tomorrow morning. Alcohol never seemed to agree with him and he’d learned many times what pushing his limit did to him. Still, he doesn’t protest when Jungkook orders, “Your finest shots of tequila, my good sir.”

Maybe the night would pass by faster this way.

“Okay guys. What’s the game plan?” Jungkook asks around a mouthful of lime.

“Just have fun. If you’re leaving, send a text will you? I don’t want another repeat of last time,” Jimin huffs and sets his shot glass down on the counter.

“I wasn’t even gone for that long!”

“You came back the following evening missing your shirt and a shoe, Jungkook,” Jimin frowns.

“Okay but -“

“Guys,” Hoseok interjects. “Not the time.”

“Right. This is about you, Hobi. We’re going to have a great time. And you -“ Jimin points his finger at Jungkook.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’ll text the chat that I’m alive. Let’s go!” Jungkook says, pushing off the stool and heading into the crowd.

Hoseok shakes his head at his younger friend. He worried about his safety sometimes.

“You sure you’re up for this?” Jimin checks in.

“Yeah, yeah. Go have fun. I’ll see you in there,” Hoseok responds. Nodding, Jimin pats him on the arm before setting off.

“Remember, I’ll call you a cab if you aren’t having fun,” he calls over his shoulder and then disappears.

Moving over to a less crowded part of the bar, Hoseok leans against the wall. Already his shirt is starting to stick to his skin. The music blares at an obscene level he feels in his bones and he welcomes the feeling.

Though an architect by trade, Hoseok knew his way around a dance floor. He wasn’t captain of the university’s dance team for no reason. Music was a language Hoseok translated with his body, each syllable corresponding to a particular movement as he listened to each rhythm and rhyme. Closing his eyes, he lets it speak it to him.

It doesn’t take long for him to get lost in the feeling. Limbs moving freely, Hoseok glides across the floor easily. He’s not concerned with the curious onlookers as he grooves to one of Billboard’s latest bangers. A small crowd has started to form around him but Hoseok ignores them as he spins through a move. Then, he sees you.

His body sputters through the movement until he slows to a gentle rock, eyes trying to focus on you through the pockets between people’s heads. You aren’t looking at him. Too engrossed in your own movement as you vibe with the music. Hoseok almost feels as though he’s watching himself dance. Intrigued, he moves closer.

He’s pretty sure he’s never seen you here before. Granted he doesn’t remember every face he sees but Hoseok is positive he would remember you because of the way you move. Blinking, he feels like he’s in a trance as he watches you turn, your hips swaying in time with the beat. Hoseok realizes he’s not the only one watching you. A few other guys have gathered but you ignore their presence, favoring to dance alone. Hoseok chews his lip. Did he even have a chance?

The music changes and Hoseok watches you change your movement to match the tempo seamlessly. He smiles. He would do exactly the same. Smooth RnB filters out over the sound system and Hoseok calms his beating heart, finding his own rhythm again as he slips back into his translation. When he turns, he makes eye contact with you, a small smile on your lips as you regard him. He’s pretty sure it’s the alcohol that makes him bold enough to take a step towards you.

Though you don’t move closer, your eyes don’t leave Hoseok’s. A silent exchange happens between you as you continue dancing and Hoseok matches your movements while maintaining his distance. Hoseok nearly holds his breath as you tentatively step closer. If he were to reach out, he’d surely be able to touch you. He doesn’t though. The two of you continue to dance in front of one another, though not with each other as the song changes.

When you turn - back towards him and continue dancing - Hoseok isn’t too sure of what to do. He doesn’t want to impose and ruin your night but he sure as hell would love to dance with you. He takes another tentative step forward, the space between you what chaperones at prom would call encroaching on dangerous territory. Still, he doesn’t touch you though he’s sure you can feel his breath dance across your skin.

It’s you who makes the final move.

He feels your fingertips brush against the outside of his thigh until your fingers wrap around his and place them on your hip. Jeans slung low on your waist, Hoseok’s thumb rests against your bare skin. He lets his other hand settle on the outside of your thigh, his touch light so not to scare you.

Chest against your back, Hoseok matches his hips with yours, the swell of your ass pressed tightly to his crotch. When you curl your arm around the back of his neck, fingers splayed in the hairs at his nape, Hoseok squeezes you in reflex. The heat of Antarri’s only grows worse as you continue to dance and another small crowd gathers to watch you.

Hoseok has never felt so at ease dancing with another human being. He feels like you’ve been partners since you were three and took classical ballroom together for eighteen years. You read his movements and he reads yours as you trade the role of leader and follower back and forth. In all honesty, Hoseok doesn’t want the night to end, especially when you hit a particularly dangerous move - bending at the waist with your hands on your knees, the push back firm as his hand ghosts your back. He has to stifle a groan at the sight, more than a few ungentlemanly thoughts surfacing in response.

Spinning you around, Hoseok gazes down at you as he slots one of his legs between yours. A gentle smile crosses your face and you rest your hands loosely around his neck. Hoseok gently brushes your damp hair from your forehead. You don’t look away as his hand comes to rest under your jaw. He watches your tongue swipe against your bottom lip as he wraps his arm around -

“Y/N!”

The moment is broken at the scream of what Hoseok assumes is your name.

“Y/N, come on! We have to go! Code Blue!” Hoseok loosens his hold on you as you step away. Before either of you can utter a word, your friend is pulling you through the crowd and away from him. Over the din of the music, he faintly hears you call a “Sorry!” as you disappear.

Stunned, Hoseok stands in the middle of the crowd as your figure slowly becomes lost in the sea of swaying bodies. He feels like he’s just stepped out of a sauna, the trance you placed him in lifting as people start to fill in the space around him now that the show is over. Hoseok rubs his face in frustration. How could he have let you leave like that? How was he supposed to find you?

“Hobi! Hey Hobi!” Hoseok turns at the sound of his name to see Jimin elbowing his way through the crowd. “Hey, are you okay?”

Sighing, Hoseok nods.

“Okay,” Jimin says wearily. “Do you want to leave?”

“No, it’s okay. Jungkook still owes me two more shots. I gotta collect.”

Jimin grins. “That’s the spirit! Come on, let’s go.”

Tossing one last longing look to what was supposed to be a promising night, Hoseok follows his friend to the bar to forget what could have happened.

full masterlist // part two

joon-ipersgirl, 2021

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

The Couple Next Door VII(Roger Taylor x Female!Reader)

Find Part Six Here

A/N: So, I kinda split this chapter into 2 parts bc it was so long. I’ll post the second one as soon as I post this one. I was also kinda upset bc I posted something this morning and there’s like… 2 notes on it (Thank you, fellow bloggers <3), so I’m trying to keep my mind off that.

But yes, you guys have been waiting for another chapter since February, so I’ve come to save the day (and your Quarantines)

Summary: John asks Roger for a favour.

(Read Roger as canonical, or Hardy!Roger, whatever brightens your day) 

WARNINGS: Mentions of oral sex, implications of sex, swearing probably, and maybe some errors bc I don’t wanna edit this

I’m putting the fic at a T, bc nothing really happens, but I advise to read at your own risk if you’re under 18

(Also, been waiting FOREVER to use this gif)

Roger hadn't fully crossed the threshold of the door to the control room at the studio when both Brian and John, both there way before him and Freddie, turned to him and called him over. 

 "Roger, do you know any sitters? Veronica and I are planning on going up and visiting her parents this weekend and we can't take Bobby with us."

 The look on John's face was clearly upsetting. He loved his son with all his heart, especially since Bobby was his first kid. It also probably didn't help that he was only a month or so old. 

 Roger wondered if there was ever going to be a day where he'd feel sad having to look for a nanny for a kid of his own. 

 "Just ask Brian to watch him. Surely Bobby would find entertainment in ripping all that hair from his scalp." 

 "Ha-ha. Very funny, Roger," Brian called back to him, arms and legs crossed as he spun around in his chair to face Roger head on. 

 "Chrissie and I are sharing our one year and I wanted to take her out this weekend." Roger shrugged. "Try Fred, then. He and Mary won't have a problem sitting for you, surely." 

 "Already asked, my Love," Freddie responded for John as he walked into the room, tossing a (fabulous, may I add) jean jacket down on the sofa pushed up against the back wall. 

 "Mary's visiting her father then, and I couldn't possibly care for a child on my own." 

 "You have like... fifteen cats, and you can't take care of a baby for a night or two?"

Fred just shrugged at Roger's question before taking a seat next to John. "Roger, do you think maybe you and Y/n could take him?" 

 Roger's face twisted in confusion. 

"Wait wait wait... us? Why us?!" 

 "Roger," John sounded desperate. "We will pay you guys! You can stay at our house! Everything you'll need will be there!"

 "John, I don't know..." 

 "Roger," Brian interrupted. The three other heads in the room turned to the curly-haired guitarist as he rose to his feet and crossed his arms over his chest. 

"You can use this chance to prove yourself to Y/n." 

 "Prove myself? What are you talking about?!" 

 "Don't tell us you've forgotten about that whole family issue you've been having," Freddie tisked playfully. 

 "This is your chance to show her you're father material," Brian explained, slapping Roger on the back. 

 "Look, I get you all love Y/n, and you think it's funny if I make a fool out of myself," 

 "It is pretty entertaining," John defended with a smile on his face, to which Roger glared back. 

 "But," Roger continued as Brian's hand fell back to his side. "The situation is between me and her. Not you guys." 

 "... But have you even spoken to her about it?" John asked quietly, to which Roger sighed. "It's just... It's complicated," Roger combed his hair back with his fingers. 

 "We're just trying to help, Rog. We all know you're dying to marry this girl." 

 "Shut up, Fred," Roger mumbled through his teeth. 

 "I'm just saying, marrying her would be a real problem-fixer with the whole... condo situation." 

 "They're not even dating," John reminded. 

 "Pssh. Yeah. And I'm not a Hysterical Queen," Freddie finished, kicking his legs up on the console, being mindful not to hit any buttons with the soles of his shoes. 

 "Besides, I can't think of one person I know who fucks their best friend and doesn't end up dating them in the end."

 It was Freddie, John, and Brian who pushed Roger to even begin that arrangement with you. 

 He'd set the both of you up, all along! 

 Roger opened his mouth to give Freddie a piece of his mind, and Brian's hand was already gripping onto the drummer's shoulder to hold him back from literally throwing himself at the other, entertained, quarter of the band. 

 "Hey guys," all four of them turned quickly to the source of the sound, and it turned out to be you, peeking out from behind the doorway, and revealing five paper cups of tea. "Woke up and figured I'd be nice today." 

 "Aw, could you hear your ears ringing, my Love? We were just talking about you," Freddie drawled happily. Roger glared at him as he spoke while Brian and John watched the situation unfold.

 "Me? What for?" You began pulling each paper cup from its place in the tray, and handing them out to each band member one-by-one as John cleared his throat to explain. 

 "Well, you see, Veronica wants to visit her parents this weekend, and we can't bring the baby with us. On top of that, we can't find a sitter." 

 "Well, why didn't you ask Roger? We'd be happy to take care of Bobby!" 

 "Is that so?" Freddie sarcastically asked, taking a sip of his tea before setting it down and dramatically throwing his hands behind his head. He leaned back into a relaxed state, giving Roger an amused look. 

 "Well we tried asking your Honey over here, and he said you two wouldn't be okay with it." Fred, Roger thought, is really asking for it. 

 "First of all, very funny," you smiled as you began counting on your fingers, clearly unaware of the depressing look on Roger's face when you dismissed Freddie's label for the drummer. 

 "Secondly, I love Bobby, why wouldn't we be okay with sitting for him?" 

 You glanced back at Roger before facing John again. "And thirdly, even if Roger doesn't wanna come, I will." 

John's eyes widened as a smile broke out onto his face. "So is that a yes? You'll do it?" 

 "Of course, Deaky!" 

 "Perfect! You can stay at our house and everything so we don't have to send the crib or anything with you! You're a lifesaver, Y/n!"

 "Anything for you and 'Ronica, Johnny." 

 "Well," Freddie clapped his hands once before kicking his legs off the console table and onto the floor. "Are we all good to practice now?" 

 "We should be," John confirmed as he downed some of his tea before standing up from his chair and stretching. 

 You turned back to Roger, taking a sip of your tea."I gotta go to work, Roggie. I'll see you tonight, 'round dinner, yeah?" 

 "Sure," he nodded as the room around the both of you bustled with the other three members of Queen preparing to enter the recording room. You nodded, and you turned to leave the room. 

 Roger watched you disappear behind the door, and Freddie called him to help record. 

 Despite this, Roger set his cup of tea down on the coffee table next to him, and actually took off out the door after you. 

 He assumed you'd be taking the lift, and knowing there were some issues with its mechanics, he knew for sure he could beat the lift to the bottom floor just before you could leave if he took the stairs. 

 Sure enough, when the doors to the lift opened on the ground floor, Roger was waiting for you on the other side. 

 It startled you, and before you could chastise him for scaring you, he stepped into the lift.

 "Quick talk before you leave," he mumbled hurriedly as he shut the lift's doors. 

"What?" You frowned in confusion. 

 "Look," he sighed. He tried to ignore how quiet it was in the lift, but it was hard to do that when he was the only one talking. 

 "That whole thing... with John and his son... I panicked." 

 God, he could hear himself thinking. 

 "I don't know anything about kids, let alone babies. I didn't wanna take responsibility for something I don't know how to care for." 

 "And I do," you responded, offering a warm smile to Roger before taking another drink of your tea. 

 "Love, you've nothing to worry about. I cared for my cousin in high school when he was just a baby. I've no issue in showing you the ropes."

 "I thought you were iffy with kids, like I am." 

 "I'm just “iffy” with the idea of becoming a mother, and having children of my own," you corrected, nudging him in the arm when your comment didn't gauge a reaction from him. 

 You just figured the neighbours and their expectations of the both of you were on his mind.

 "Hey, it's not like any of our neighbours are gonna see us with Bobby. We'll be at John's the whole time, right? Out of sight, out of mind."

 "Yeah, I guess." Roger shrugged. 

 "Don't think this will change anything. We're doing this for a friend, not to appease the old people surrounding our condo." 

 Roger didn't say anything, his eyes cast to the floor. Of course this was bothering him, and although you thought it was for all the wrong reasons, he never admitted to you why he was actually uneasy about the whole thing. 

 "Roger," you sighed, rubbing circles on his back with your free hand. "We'll be okay." 

 You held out your pinky from your paper cup as a promise. "... Trust?" 

 Roger looked at your innocent eyes and hopeful smile, and that boy caved in so fast he hadn't realized he solidified the promise until after speaking. "Trust, Y/n," he breathed gently. 

 You unlinked your pinky from Roger's, and you caught him frown. 

 "Better not be moody when you get off work," you warned playfully to him, opening the lift's door. 

 "And why is that?" Roger lightly challenged back, trying a smile, and offering it to you when it felt right. 

 You turned on your heel as you walked out, eyelids lowering as you lazily grinned at Roger. 

 "Because dinner and a blowjob will be waiting for you at home this evening," you said matter-of-factly. 

 You almost laughed at the starstruck look in the blond's eyes, mouth hanging open, and face burning a deep red. 

 You tapped the lift's button to send Roger back to the floor he needed. As the lift's doors began to close, Roger watched you turn and make your way to the building's entrance. 

 "See you tonight, Drummer Boy," you called over your shoulder to him. The lift's doors finally shut completely, and Roger stood in absolute dumbfoundment until the lift opened again. 

 He really couldn't believe how lucky he was to be able to have you. 

 As a friend, and, of course, as a stress-reliever. 

He made sure to keep a smile on his face the rest of the day. 

 When any of the guys questioned him, he'd just respond with a shrug, the tips of his ears flushing the same colour as his shirt. 

 And when Roger got home that night, dinner was most definitely ready for him... 

 Though with the look you were giving him as soon as the two of you sat at the table, you both made a silent agreement to head upstairs and just skip to dessert.

______________________________

A/A/N: I’m so sorry this took so long to post. The next one will be up within the next 2 hours. Thank you all for being so patient. I love Y’all.

PERMENANT TAG LIST

@culturefiendtrashqueen​

@rogermeddow​

FIC TAGLIST

@luvborhap

@amy-brooklyn99

@scarsout

@kimmietea​

@ohtheseboysilove​

@demo-wise​

@suavishowell​

@bohemianahoy​

@pippin248​

@maisielou

@hardyshoe​

@queenlover05​

@imjustboredso​

(Leave me a message if you wanna be added to either of my taglists)

[dukeofonions]

Reaction Redux (I know it doesn’t make sense but it sounds cool)

Alright, here is my initial reaction to Putting Others First: Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux.

It’s finally here, I’ve watched it a total of two times and currently have it on in the background as I type this, and I have a lot of feelings. All of which would be too much for one post, so after I do this I’ll be making a few separate posts addressing certain points I’d like to expand on further. 

So what I’m going to do is have the video playing as I write this out, that way I don’t miss out anything I wanted to discuss. Basically it’s not gonna be a full on analysis, just a lot of random ramblings with what I hope are some insightful gems sprinkled throughout. Consider these my notes for all my future serious analysis posts. 

Good? Great. Let’s go.  (Also spoilers under the cut)

So, how did I feel as I watched the video for the first time? Well considering I got the notification for the video while I was still at work, I couldn’t get as excited as I wanted to be about it because I didn’t get off until 8pm and had to deal with one too many dunderheads so I was pretty grumpy once I got off. 

However, as soon as I got home and retreated to the safety of my isolation fortress (aka my bedroom) I was finally able to get excited as I got on my laptop and pulled up the video and let me just say I was a mess the entire time. I missed my boys!!! I knew they wouldn’t all be present, but I still missed my boys!!! And I loved seeing them again!!! 

First things first, that song at the beginning! I think it’s called Review Redux (correct me if I’m wrong) it’s such a freaking bop and I wish it was longer because I could listen to it all day. I loved the artwork and little details that went into their characters, and how each of the circles represented who was singing/talking by their colors. Fun stuff and a great way to recap everything! As well as foreshadow things to come within the episode… “If our goals aligned with his what would that say?” Roman you’re in for a rude awakening bud… 

Also, the little moment near the beginning where Patton is about to shut Thomas’ negative thinking down, but stops himself and allows Thomas to explain why he feels that way. Showing that he’s learned to ease up just a little since he learned to do so in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Good for you Patton. 

Speaking of Patton, oh he is so confused. I understand where he’s coming from, and honestly everything he said are things I have been taught growing up, and this is something I’ll address in another post because I have a lot of things to say about it. But just know that I adore the development Patton has been going through and watching him grow and mature. 

Oh yes, I must mention I was pleasantly surprised to see Logan. I didn’t think he’d show up in this episode, or at the very least have a brief appearance, but I love how he took part and by far the funniest part in this episode (to me) is when he had so much to say in one little post that it popped up and hit Patton in the nose. It was one of the few moments where I laughed out loud and I rewound it a few times on my first viewing. 

Plus Thomas being more concerned about the blinds than Patton. My type of humor. And Roman actually gets to use his sword for once, good for him! 

(Funny enough as I typed this the video got to that part at the exact same time so I got a nice little laugh again) 

Which brings up my next point: Logan getting yoinked after Patton skips his dialogue. No one talks about how he does his little impression of that philosopher, am I the only one who found that utterly adorable? 

Let Logan geek out over philosophers please. He clearly loves it so much. 

Then we get to Roman believing he’s the one responsible for everything, wanting to give up the driver’s seat to Patton. And just… This exchange of dialogue:

Thomas: “Roman, I only mean well when I say…” Thomas: “That that is the stupidest thing you have ever said.” Roman: “Oh Thomas, you’re just blowing smoke.” 

I don’t know why I enjoy this so much but I do. Give me more of this. I crave it now.

And I just need to make a whole post about Patton in this video, there is so much to unpack with him alone.

Looking back and noticing that Thomas only starts listening to Logan after he’s been replaced by Deceit kinda hurts. 

Speaking of which, can we appreciate how much better Deceit has gotten at impersonating Logan? Looks like he took Roman’s advice and focused on the little things. Good for him. 

Alright, one of my absolute favorite parts from this episode and where things really start to shine: Patton freaks out and turns into a giant frog because he’s so desperate to have an answer for them he flips and honestly, sounds a little crazy. Which, I don’t know why but I find it both menacing and hilarious at the same time? 

Also the fact he turns into a frog because he was talking about Frogger earlier, nice touch! (And Lilypadton that’s so cute) 

Then we get probably the single greatest character entrance in the history of character entrances. We find out that Deceit finally reveals himself and steps in to stand up to Patton and get him to see how his actions have been having a negative effect on Thomas. 

The way his voice changes from Logan’s to his own, his music kicking in, “The Lord of the Lies” oh my gosh it’s all just perfect! Also Roman’s “Reptilian Rapscallion! Reptilian Rapscallion! We’ve got a code yellow!” 

And if I may: Roman: “What have you done with Logan?!” Deceit: “Nothing at all and I resent the question.” 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SNEK?! 

(in all honest probably nothing but what if) 

Important to note here that Roman instantly begins defending Patton from Deceit as soon as he accuses him of misleading Thomas. This goes to show just how much Roman views him as a villain. Or in other words: Patton, good. Deceit, bad. A viewpoint he continues to hold onto until the end of the episode, which also deserves it’s entire post because we all know how much turbulence that caused within the fandom. 

And to the observant eye, you’ll notice that the cane (or staff) Deceit uses is the same one that dragged Logan off screen. 

Frog puns. That is all.

I just, I love Deceit’s dialogue throughout this scene. It’s stuff I need to hear and tell myself on a regular basis. And I’d honestly rewatch this part (along with the rest of what Deceit and Logan say later on in the video) because it’s all something I need to also teach myself. But this ain’t meant to be a personal post so I’ll just move on. 

Deceit’s walk towards the camera. I don’t know why. It’s so smooth. He’s amazing. I love him. Snek… 

I have problems don’t @ me. 

Also no one is mentioning the reference to that one “Turn based rpg” short that Thomas made with his friends and I find that sad because it’s a neat and fitting reference given the theme of this video. Also earlier on when the trolley problem is first brought up all the people on the bottom track are Thomas’ friends. Another neat little detail, though sadly, their digital selves perished. 

PETER SINGER 

Logan doesn’t seem to like Deceit much, not outright hate him or anything, but it’s more like he just tolerates him but doesn’t seek to get on good terms with him. Which is a shame because as both parts of SVS have proven, these two have the capacity to work together. Which is why I hope Logan gets a debate episode with him as well because out of all the Sides, these two have interacted the least and that needs to be remedied (especially when they’re my two favorites) 

Deceit is trying to make Roman understand, but he’s so caught up in this black and white thinking that he disregards everything Deceit says! Why? Because the last time he tried to hear Deceit out he was reprimanded. (In other words, I relate to Roman so much in this that it hits a little too close to home and I’m definitely making a separate post about this. 

Deceit: *confused* Trees? And I’m so glad I found out I’m not the only dunce who thought Deceit’s name was going to be written on his hand… 

But seriously this whole moment, with the buildup, Deceit’s reluctance to share his name, the music, I’d put it up there with Virgil’s “I was one of them” for best Sanders Sides scenes.

Also, Deceit’s name is Janus! I was a little iffy about it at first, but since I didn’t ever really have a prediction for his name, I wasn’t disappointed and the name is growing on me. 

And then, the moment of trust is immediately ruined by Roman laughing. Dude, come on. (again though, post for another time because I understand where Roman is coming from here)

In all seriousness though I just love the last bits of this episode. The emotion, the angst, it doesn’t hold back and I appreciate the team taking things a step further than normal. Usually, moments like this are followed up by a joke to play it off, but they don’t do that after Roman sinks out. They stay in the moment until it’s had time to sink in. I wish the episode had ended a little more somberly, but I think this is a good step in the right direction. Showing that there won’t always be a 100% happy conclusion to things. Sometimes you need to take time in between to figure things out. 

This line: “Do you think there’s a limit to how many times someone can say sorry before you have to admit that they’re just bad for you?” This line is so important to me within the context of the episode and outside of it. I won’t get too personal but I will say that I was raised to believe that if a person wronged me in any way, that if they said sorry, I had to forgive them. Even if they did the same thing over and over and over again. As long as they apologize, you have to forgive them and move on. And that has messed me up in so many different ways, especially when those people are family. 

Janus sums it up best with “It depends” because yes, some people make the same mistakes again and again. But there’s a difference between someone trying to change and accidentally falling back on old habits, and someone taking advantage of your “forgiveness” that they continue to do those hurtful things because they know they can get away with it and not have to change. 

Also, while it’s totally fine for people to dislike Patton, I can’t understand how anyone could watch this episode and claim that he’s still the same as he was at the beginning of SVS Part One because he has changed. He has finally realized just how much he’s been hurting Thomas, and even Roman. He sinks out at the end to apologize to him, he recognizes his faults, and he’s seeking to make amends. He wants to do the right thing here, and keep in mind that recently a lot of his views (which are also Thomas’ views) have been flipped on their heads and they both need to rethink some things. It’s part of growing up and becoming your own person. 

I need to make a whole post about the more personal things that I got from the last three episodes (excluding Asides) because there’s just so many important things these episodes teach and I feel the need to address them. 

Also everyone sleeping on the fact that Leslie Odom Jr. just casually makes an appearance and attempts to start a pilot episode for his own series “Odom Sides” which I wish him luck on. He just wants to be in the room where it happens. 

Everything Patton did was for Thomas, so he wouldn’t be left in the dark again. He promised to keep fighting but ultimately, ended up fighting himself. Am I deep yet?

“Those imperfections don’t make you any less worthy of love” can you tell how much this episode means to me yet? 

Janus’ “I’ll take care of him.” Ack, he just cares so much… My gosh… Where did this character come from and what did he do with the slimy boi? (I mean that in two different ways)

Oh, there he is. That’s my boi. 

“There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.” “There are much less barbaric, much more fun, forms of sabotage.” 

Parallels? Maybe? What the heck I love Janus whether he’s encouraging Thomas to look after his mental health or plot his schemes in the shadows. Do I trust Janus? Oh heck no, of course not. There is something suspicious going on here and I both love it and hate it. More on that in a different post though.

“You’re not stuck with an evil snake boi. You’re just stuck with a snek boi.” 

Yes Thomas, continue to overthink every little issue until it results in a mental breakdown. Hm, sounds like what someone with anxiety does… I suppose that’s why this series exists. 

Okay call me a bad person but I almost always space out during Thomas’ messages to the viewers at the end of the videos. I don’t know why but I cannot focus on them to save my life and usually end up skipping past them to get to the end card. I dunno, maybe because it takes me out of the moment? Especially during episodes where they don't’ address the audience at all and then suddenly “Oh yeah! This is a Youtube series lol” it just feels out of place in more story driven episodes like this one. 

Okay am I the only one that’s kinda creeped out by Lee and Mary Lee? I dunno they just seem, off. Like if they were characters in a horror movie they’d be that overly nice couple that turn out to be the killers. Those are the vibes they give me. Maybe it’s because I have zero people skills due to being homeschooled all my life and the only social interaction I get is with coworkers so I dunno. They still creep me out. They creep me out more than Remus. And he legit freaked me out for a bit before he stole my heart. (I suppose this means I need to make a separate post about these two because I do have some opinions about whether or not it was a good idea to actually include them at the end. When I said I had too many thoughts about this episode I meant it)

And if the end card is any indication, I’m going to assume that the Sides are invisible to everyone except Thomas. Unless they’re just “observing” and not even Thomas can see them at this point, given he shows no indication of seeing or hearing them there. Maybe they get to choose when they’re visible? Or Thomas does? I dunno, the rules of this universe have never been clearly stated and are inconsistent. 

I didn’t expect Patton to be the first to accept Janus, and I’m kinda glad I was proven wrong. It does seem fitting with Patton’s growth and I liked their little moment at the end. 

And that wraps up my commentary. I hope you found something in this mess of, things. I plan to go more in depth with my separate posts which I’m going to have fun writing, so be on the lookout for those! 

Also at the time of writing this I now have 63 followers?! Thank y’all so much! I never thought this blog would get this far and I’m so glad it did because I’m having a lot of fun with it and hope to bring out more content regularly! Again, thank you!!

[11thstreetgirl]

Sparks (Nasty x male reader)

Summary: The Hanoi boys show up at your usual haunt and make the place buzz. There’s unexpected sparks between you and Nasty. Flirty banter and things ensue...

Requested? Yesss by @thespacecowboyyy thank you!

AN: Sooooo this turned out weird. I’m not happy at all with it and Nasty feels very out of character and the dance scene is like the shittiest thing I’ve ever written, but this was so fun to write! It’s been years since I got a text out of my head this easily! So thank you! Also this turned out longer than I planned so I decided to post it in two parts if you guys like it. More notes at the end. To be continued... ps I suck at titles, please bear with me

The music was loud, so loud I almost didn’t hear myself think. Not that I was thinking straight anyways, beer always made me feel funny. On a second thought, I didn’t know if coming here just to check out some guys counted as thinking straight, beer or not. I snorted at my own joke as I made my way towards the bar. I could feel the looks on my back, there was something in the air tonight, something that this place usually didn’t have. I was actually getting interested in my surroundings. I snorted again to myself. Oh wow, this shabby joint really was rubbing on me.

I ordered another beer. Mark was behind the bar as usual and padded my shoulder as he walked past. His hands were full with work, the place was packed. I sat at the end of the bar and sipped the cold drink. So, what was it about today that had the place buzzing? I scanned the dancefloor and some of the booths but didn’t see anything too out of the ordinary. People dancing, people drinking, people making out, all of the underground queer heroes coming together.

- Hey Mark! How come this place is suddenly so popular? I chaffed at the old bartender. He rolled his eyes at me and leaned on the bar.

- Dunno. Could be the band that played down the road tonight. Heard they sold out the place. They popped up here with such an entourage it would’ve put the queen herself to shame. I’ve seen them around here before too.

- Where are they?

The older man pointed to a dark corner. There was so much people it was hard to see, but there clearly was something going on. Young guys and girls swarming and seeking attention from whoever were sat in the middle.

And then the crowd shifted and I saw them. Five guys, or at least I thought they were guys, sat in a booth that was surrounded with people. They were clearly life of the party, downing drinks, laughing, flirting and keeping court. Because that was definitely what they were doing. All of the people around seemed to hold them to a high status. They had a dangerous haze around them, and it pulled me like a moth to a flame. Finally something interesting was going on in this god forbidden place.

I was pretty sure I guessed which one was the lead singer. Huge blond mane framed his face, he sparkled in the dim lights with every movement and he looked like he was about to start climbing on the walls. He was very different from the rest. They all had dark hair and somewhat mysterious feel to them. At first i couldn’t tell them apart, then i started to notice differences. The one in striped jacket seemed to be having a genuinely good time, he was laughing a lot and drinking even more. He talked to everyone around him and everyone wanted to talk to him. Next to him sat a skinny young-looking guy with hair so wild I had no idea how he saw where he was going. He had a goofy, shy smile and talked to one person at a time. Then there was the artistic guy. I could almost hear all of his rings and bracelets tinkle together as he gestured wildly when he spoke. I doubted he even cared if anyone was actually listening as he partially hid under his hat. The last guy had a different feel to him, I could tell even from this far. He was more calm but had a dangerous charm. Like someone I definitely wanted to get to know but most definitely shouldn’t. He was handsome, too. Like, really really handsome. Stupid hot to be honest. Not that all of them weren’t ridiculously good-looking but he had something that made my insides twist. He too hid under his black hair and was downing beers in a supernatural rate. I’d seen my fare share of quick drinkers here but these guys were something else. The guy was having a conversation with someone, he was resting his arm on the back of the couch and had his body partially turned towards me. He seemed to be like at home in the situation.

Suddenly he turned and looked me straight in the eyes. I felt my stomach tighten. He’d probably felt my stare on him. My heart skipped a beat as I awkwardly looked around and back at him just to see he was still looking at me. A grin spread on his face and it took all of my will power not to drop my goddamn jaw on the floor. He was gorgeous and I wanted to jump him right here.

- Close that piehole of yours comrade or you’ll be eating flies for dinner. Or some of these pervs will stick their dick in. I know they’re good looking but get your shit together man.

Oh shit. I could hear the laughter in Mark’s words but he was right. Staring wouldn’t get me anywhere. Getting this starstruck wasn’t like me at all, but that kind of guys showing up here wasn’t ordinary either.

- Ha ha. I need to be a lot more drunk for my next stunt so pour me a vodka will ya.

It didn’t take long for the alcohol to kick in. Just enough for me to loosen up a bit. I usually didn’t dance, like at all, ever, but somehow I felt this was the way to go tonight. At first it felt awkward as hell, to be shaking my ass all over, but then I got the hang of it.

The music was loud and I felt intoxicated. Whether it was the booze or the looks I got I didn’t know. I didn’t get a second of peace as there was constantly someone trying to grind on me or hold my attention. I was having fun and I was damn sure I didn’t want any of these people with me. Every now and then I took a glimpse of the guys sitting in the corner, more specifically of the stupid hot one. The look of him just sitting there, all nonchalant and rockstar, made heat rise to my cheeks. I wanted to show off and hell it felt good to know that I looked good. All the attention was doing miracles on me and I got lost in the beat and the thought of him.

- Are you trying to turn me on right now? Because it’s working.

The low voice startled me. It took a few seconds for me to get a hold of reality. As I turned around I saw the gorgeous man from the band standing dangerously close to me. His straightforward approach made me forget how to speak for a moment. It should have not been hot in any way and I probably should’ve been running in the opposite direction right now, but I couldn’t help the shiver going down my spine.

- And you think that’s a good pick-up line? Straight to the point? I finally got out of my mouth.

- Dunno. Is it working?

- Have a guess, cowboy.

I had no idea where this conversation was going, but the man in front of me clearly did. He stared me down with a smirk on his face. He was so sure of himself in such a lowkey way that made everyone else seem either like assholes or iffy.

- Well I did see you staring at me earlier and then sneaking glances at me while shaking your ass on the dancefloor so I’d say you’re the one that started.

I could feel his piercing eyes on me, but i didn’t see them clearly from behind his hair. His voice was soft but somehow stern and it made my guard slip down way faster than i liked. It took a lot more concentration to keep my cool.

- Oh, that. Yeah I saw you and your gang over there. They say you guys are a band.

- Uh-huh.

- Let me guess, you’re the drummer?

- Nope. Guitarist.

All the while he was standing way too close to me. I didn’t want to take a step back because it would have meant he’d gotten the upper hand. I wasn’t gonna give it to him so easily. He took a long, deliberate look down my body and apparently he was pleased with what he saw because the one-sided satisfied smile grew on his face. It made something move in my lower stomach and I shivered again. Nope, no way I was gonna get all hot and bothered right here right now just from a hot guy standing too close. Nope nope I wasn’t a kid anymore.

- So what is mister Guitarist’s name? I needed a distraction, fast. And another beer. Or four.

- Looks like my pick-up line is working after all. Name’s Nasty.

The man cocked his head to one side and clearly waited for a reaction to such a name. I wasn’t gonna give him one. We were still standing awkwardly on the dancefloor. We definitely needed to move.

- Hmh. Does a guitarist called Nasty want a beer?

Finally he smiled properly. It was a lot sweeter than I expected and he looked absolutely beautiful. My jaw must’ve dropped because he chuckled.

- Took the words out of my mouth.

Damn it, I needed to keep my head clear. He was wrapping me around his finger as easily as he probably made playing guitar look. The thought of him with a six-string made my knees unexpectedly weak. Not good.

I felt him follow me tightly through the mass as I navigated towards the bar. I felt nervous, I suddenly felt drunk, I felt stupid and oh so turned on. Still. Not. Good.

There was just enough room for us to squeeze through. Luckily Mark saw me and handed us our beers in no time. The Nasty dude definitely was a big deal here tonight as he constantly got pats on his back, pretty open flirting and even some straight-up invitations to fuck one’s last brain cells out in the alley. Nasty had a mischievous smile on his face as he politely turned down person after person, all the while making sure I saw all of it. Gee, I couldn’t believe this guy.

I sat on a stool and took a huge swing out of my glass. Nasty didn’t take a seat, just moved closer to me again and leaned his elbows on the bar. I reeeaaally wanted to just watch him stand there, all nonchalant and disturbingly hot. As soon as the people passed, the smile wiped off his face. It had suited him, but the serious look suited him even more. It made him look more dangerous, more in his little role. Although i wasn’t sure it was a role anymore. How come it was suddenly so warm in here? In the corner of my eye i could see a few creeps eyeing us and whispering to each other.

I downed the rest of my drink in one go. Fuck me sideways till Sunday, I didn’t see a good ending for this evening no matter what happened. Either I’d leave now and spend the rest of my night, and probably the rest of my life, jacking off to the thought of this man. Or I’d drag him home, have a marvelous time with him and then what? Probably still the same outcome. Talk about fucking till Sunday… it was already Saturday night. Damn.

But my God was he gorgeous. His eyes stayed hidden behind his hair as he observed the people around us without a trace of emotion on his face. Definitely the cool guy in the band. His jawline was as sharp as they come and cheekbones high. I traced his neck with my eyes and landed on his collarbones. He had a simple tank top on and a light blue jacket over it. It was a bit too big and a little worn out, but it just added to his i-don’t-care based charm. His pants matched the jacket and he had tucked one thumb under the waist. His hands were large and strong-looking in the very way that made a guitarist’s hands such a turn on. I was probably eye-fucking the sweet Jesus out his tall, slim figure by now.

I thought i was being discreet drooling over him, but clearly he had noticed because he chuckled. A low, warm sound.

- Like what you see?

Shit. I couldn’t get my thoughts back together in the fragment of a second I had to answer, so I went for the least horny thing that crossed my mind.

- I’ve seen better, plus your rockstar attitude isn’t gonna get you anywhere.

Great. Now I sounded like an asshole. An asshole that’s been lusting over the guy half the evening. Wonderful.

- So you trying to play tough huh? Wont work on me. I can see right through you. He leaned closer and his lips almost touched my ear as he whispered:

- I’m just like that too. He squeezed my thigh so gently it would’ve almost been polite if it wasn’t for the fact that he was very much in my personal space and I could feel his breath on my skin. He straightened back up and smiled. That’s when I saw it too. He looked almost nervous and a lot more child-like than before. Then his mojo was back with full force. He hid behind his bangs again.

- Wanna go get some fresh air?

We climbed up the stairs back to street level. After the deafening music even this part of London felt quiet. We stood there for a moment, Nasty light up a cigarette.

- So what kind of name is Nasty anyway? I asked just to say something. And why would someone so gorgeous call himself Nasty, a small voice at the back of my head wondered.

He laughed a little.

- It’s not a real name silly. Just a stage name.

- Yeah I got that. But why Nasty of all things?

He was quiet for a while, then a smirk spread on his face.

- I’m just so so nasty. Want some proof? His low voice rumbled, I bet it was on purpose. I felt a shiver roll down my spine nonetheless. My lonely night of beer and man-watching was going south fast. I should’ve known better than to play along his game, but I was getting more and more curious about this Nasty-persona. I wanted to know what was real and what was created for his little rock band. I kept stealing glaces at him. He looked like the epitome of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll with his overgrown jet black hair. A creature of the night no doubt.

He put out his cigarette and i quickly turned my eyes the other way. No way in hell I was going to get caught staring at him twice tonight.

He stood quietly for a while. This timeIi felt his gaze roaming on my body. Usually I would’ve been more self-conscious but this was just gasoline to the flames. I wanted badly to see how he looked with fire in his eyes, so I turned my head back to his direction. He was just standing there and staring at me.

With a one-sided grin and a wicked look that bore it’s was straight down to my crotch he leaned closer and planted a forceful kiss on my lips. Jesus. My mind went blank and I skipped a breath. Jesus fuck.

- See? Nasty.

He had barely gotten the words out of his mouth when I covered it with mine. He made a noise of  surprise. No way I was going to let him get control over me like that. In an instant he was kissing me back with such fire it made my knees dip. He tasted like cigarettes and beer and bad decisions, but honestly? I was too far gone to care. All the tension between us blew up into that blistering kiss. His hands took a strong grip from my sides and he pulled me closer. I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. I grabbed his ass and unashamedly grinded against him. A small, unexpected moan escaped this throat and I swallowed it. He definitely wanted me as much as I wanted him.

- Excuse me! An annoyed voice broke us apart. A bouncer was staring at us with a look of warning, and as soon as my head somewhat stopped spinning I realised we’d better find a more private place before we entirely devoured each other. Nasty realised the same thing seconds later.

- Come on. Let’s go, he panted and all I could do was nod.

After what felt like an eternity keeping my hands to myself in the taxi we arrived to a house in Tootin Bec. Nasty was pretty swift in his movements for someone who was so turned on. Because he was very visibly turned on. My mind on the other hand wasn’t co-operating one bit. I just stood there and drooled as he opened the door.

- Good, the others aren’t home yet. I can actually make you make some noise! I blushed at the thought and I had no doubt he was gonna get some sweet sounds out of me. Mind is strong flesh is weak and so on. As if to prove my line of thought I felt my cock twitch in my pants at the sight of Nasty taking off his jacket. So much about mind being strong…

I tried to distract myself just so I wouldn’t jump him right then and there. I made a note of how messy the house was. Clothes, empty bottles, papers and guitar equipment lying around everywhere. It was pretty clear that there was five guys living here. Such a rock n’ roll cliche. Nasty grabbed a half empty liquor bottle from the nearest shelf and took a swing. He then offered the bottle to me and I downed a good gulp too. He chuckled as he put the bottle down. With a crooked smile he took a long good look at me again and stepped close to me.

- I think it is pretty clear I want to have sex with you. I just want to make sure that you want it too, he said, his voice rough from lust and alcohol. He stared at me with his beautiful, mysterious eyes. I couldn’t get him right in my head, he was such a weird creature. A weird, ridiculously hot creature who’s words got my head spinning. Sweet too.

- Trust me, I really really want to fuck your brain out right now, I smirked and got the exact reaction I wanted as Nasty shivered. He kissed me fast, bit my lip and grabbed my wrist. Without a word he pulled me after him up the stairs. I adored his ass with every movement as he walked in front of me and almost asked if we could to the stairs again just for it. Instead I opted for the less pervy thing that my no-good brain decided to push out.

- You really aren’t a man of many words huh?

- Nope. More a man of action, Nasty said and opened a door to a small room.

- Ohhh shy are we? I teased.

- Mmhm, Nasty hummed back matter-of-factly. It was weird, the whole man was weird, one huge contradiction. I loved it. It was nicer this way, neither of us had our roles on anymore.

The room only had a bed, a small closet with clothes falling out of it and a few guitars. Nasty sat on the bed and I awkwardly stood in the middle of the room.

- Now let’s get those clothes off, he squinted playfully at me. I was dumbfounded.

- What, like now? Here?

- Yes, well sex kinda requires us to take off our pants and stuff. Off they go. His face was serious but I could hear the laughter in his voice.

- You want me to strip for you? I couldn’t believe this man. Oh he had nerve okay. He nodded as a smile spread on his face. I just stood there like an idiot, my cock painfully hard in my pants, and stared at him. I had no idea if he was serious.

- Oh come on. Let me help you then.

AN: So this is the first part. The second part is still work in progress and it’s basically just shameless porn lol. I didn’t want to add it to this one in case someone doesn’t like that kind of stuff. So please please tell me what you think of this and if you guys wanna read the nasty part ;) pun intended. I’m awful I know

[tlcn]

03/10/2020

Mary’s Rock, Virginia

Today is the first time I’ve ever taken a sick day when I wasn’t actually sick. Well, I should revise that. I may not have been sick in the traditional sense, but I certainly wasn’t well.

Yesterday was my 24th birthday. I had a panic attack for the first time since moving up to DC. I’m not 100% certain what specifically set it off, but I could make a pretty decent guess. I am unhappy with where I am in life, but I also lack the mental an emotional strength to do anything about it. I’ve been fairly aimless for a while. I feel like a jellyfish, floating through the sea, relying on the currents to direct its course. Sure, it’s surviving, but lacking a brain and the power of locomotion, it’s surprising to think they’re even alive in the first place.

I went to kickboxing yesterday, something I haven’t been doing all that often lately on account of my injured hand. Iffy was there and wanted Laura and I to join her for a sparring session. Normally, these are the days I would live for. I love and respect Iffy so much, and every chance I get to work with her is such a gift, but yesterday just was not my day. For my first round, I got paired up with Cruz. Cruz is tall and hits hard. This was not my warm-up round of choice. To be honest, the round wasn’t too terrible, but little things were building up here and there. After getting a kick checked, I was reminded of a pain I had been experiencing on the top of my right foot. I was getting pummeled in the short range, and every time I wanted to step back for some space, Iffy was right behind me pushing me back in. It was too much, and after a facing a few more rounds with rapidly decreasing success, I gave up. Tears streaming down my face, I decided to go home.

As soon as I left the gym, I broke. It was dark out, I was alone, and I was free to sob. It took all of my might to hold myself together when I got a call from my dad, but that moment of restraint only made what poured out of me next even more intense, more unstoppable. After what felt like a long, long time, I gained the strength to grab my anxiety medicine, the one that was for emergencies only and that I hadn’t used since it was prescribed. Then, I was calm. Drained, but thankful, I went to sleep, knowing that I had to go on a hike the next day like my life depended on it. I know my sanity did.

This morning, I told a nervous fib to my boss, not giving away the true reason for my absence that day. But all went well, and soon I was off, driving against the morning rush hour traffic that lead into the city. An hour and fifteen later, I was at the modest roadside trailhead, ready to clear my head of the events from the night before. 

As cliche as it sounds, today was just what the doctor ordered. The weather was perfect - sunny but crisp. My new trekking poles just came in the mail, and I was psyched to test them out. This was definitely the place to do it, too. What lie ahead were four and a half miles of nearly unrelenting uphill trail and the inverse on the way down. I had hiked this trail once before almost exactly a year earlier and barely made it up alive. Given, I was also going through a major cut for my first Muay Thai fight and was severely low on energy, but it’s hard to judge how much that actually played a factor. I wanted to be safe.

To my absolute delight, the trekking poles worked like a dream, and I was able to coast right on up the mountain with minimal difficulty. As I reached the top, I felt brand new. The wind blew strong on my face as I perched myself on a rock a little past the popular overlook area, and with a smile on my face, I breathed in deep.

My mental health has been a little shaky as of late, but I am very grateful that I have the mountains nearby to bring me back to earth when I’m at my worst. Therapy is the best therapy, but the great outdoors are a solid second best <3

9 mi, 2600 ft

[echoheart0324]

*deep sigh* So...uh...about the November story update...*deep breath*. Damnitallholyshitwhatthefuckisallofthisinformation. I’ll provide my insight into this topic, along with the traitor talk once more (featuring ‘Darkness’ and their bullshit). I’ve been putting this off for so long, so...RIP I suppose.

Warning: Heavy KHUX spoilers will be discussed, featuring my thoughts and speculation. You have been warned. (Also there’s a lot of stretches and lousy evidence, but I wanted to bring this into light...)

Here’s my general opinion right now:

*yells loudly* I don’t think Lauriam’s on our suspect list!!!

Before y’all get a pitchfork and stab me to death until I bleed out or something (I dunno either), hear me out.

I’ll lend you what I got gathered here. It’s a mess, but it’s something, better than nothing.

()()()

For the KHUX story update that occurred during October, a mysterious figure approached the scenes, going by the name ‘Darkness’ (which is stupid. Who thought that name would be a great addition to the game???).

Although I have no experience with the Japanese language, a few Twitter accounts who I was able to stumble across by, were able to provide valuable information. I won’t be providing names, just in case the info’s false.

Anyways, ’Darkness’ has a specific speech pattern that is apparent, exclusively to the JP version. The figure uses the pronoun of ‘ore’, which Marluxia/Lauriam don’t seem to use, where instead they use ‘boku’? Though I think the other guys use ‘ore’. (So in all honesty, I had Lauriam crossed off my list for a while now, but today let it rest to bed.)

Even though I probably look like a Blaine stan (...I never thought I’d say that out loud...I’m never going to say that again...), I’m going to point the finger of blame, as the traitor and murderer of Strelitzia, at...*looks at smudged hand*...Brain. (Wow, what sort of timeline is this where I use his ‘official name’...oh well one step a time to sever bonds I suppose to spare myself the pain) It’s odd, I know, but hear me out.

()()()

*lifts up glasses* So, this is where I get into the nitty gritty, what-the-fuck are you on Echo, speculation things. This is more of a personal-level thing and I know Nomura’s going to do something to catch us off guard with the element of surprise. That’s why we’re going to think like him for a minute.

In all honesty, it could be Ven as the traitor right? I know a lot of people jumped onto this, as soon as Lauriam brought up the whole ‘sister’ thing (with the translations being all iffy. Maybe in a year we’ll find out, who knows). I can definitely see this happening, but I find it quite odd...

I’m aware of the fact that Ven didn’t seem to know what ‘Shift Pride’ was (and his reaction to it was kinda...unnerving). I’ve also already brought this up in the past, but:

(The Union Leaders all come in order, except for Brain and Ven.)

I don’t understand why they’d have everyone else in order, but huh. Something's off.

However, Ven does bring up meeting Master Ava (and I really hope it isn't him) and he was against 'Shift Pride', so I trust him.

()()()

Next up on our list, we have Lauriam. Since the story update for November introduced Elrena/Erlena (oh gosh it’s the Blaine/Brain situation all over again. I dunno what the official team’s gonna go for, but I have a bad habit of sticking with the ‘l’ names, so fuck y’all), we have...quite a batch here. Since the script was being vague and everything, we don’t know exactly who Strelitzia’s older sibling is.

I mean...if it was his own sibling, then Lauriam has to go to the time-out corner for murdering your own family member (if he did do it). If it was Elrena’s relation to Strelitzia, then that’s a different story.

Based off the subtle interactions we got, Lauriam seems to have some sort of relationship to Strelitzia, going to the extent of interacting with another fellow Keyblade wielder for the sake of it. I know it’s probably a far too gap to reach for, but I want to believe that these two are partners working behind the scenes to crack down who the traitor/murderer is.

()()()

This is where I bring up the official art (y’know, like an idiot who analyzes everything).

Interestingly, Ephemera (if you flip the image, he’s leaning to their direction and his eyes are focused over to their direction so shhh it counts), Skuld, Ven, and Lauriam are all looking the same way to the left! Meanwhile, Brain and the hooded figure (which I assume is Elrena) are facing the opposite direction. (I dunno how Chirithy fits in this honestly...so uh...)

This is the stretch of the century (and I’m 99.99% sure I’m wrong), but notice how the hooded figure is slightly looking downwards, their chin down. We can’t see what their eyes are focusing on too well (and I might as well be blind), but it’s possible that Elrena is looking down upon Brain (damn it. Or onto the flower...eh...). Maybe she knows that Brain has something to do with her/Lauriam’s sister’s ‘disappearance’.

To add onto the above further, it’s possible that the others do learn of a traitor in their midst. However, they’re all blinded by their own doubts and beliefs, making them face the wrong culprit. Meanwhile Brain faces the other direction and smiles widely (...I just noticed he's the only one with his mouth open), knowing they’ll assume it’s someone other than himself. (And then Elrena kicks his ass. I dunno.)

()()()

And just for fun, the other day (sometime back in filler hell) I scrambled up Brain’s name and got ‘Binar’. I was curious so I looked it up to see if it meant anything or if there was anything at least related. Well, *slides in* it’s possible that it could also mean ‘binary’ (just remove the ‘y’, just like Ephemer with the word ‘ephemeral’). ‘What the fuck does binary have to do with anything???’ you may ask. Heh...so it was recently confirmed that the Keykids are all linked to the data world, and y’all know what codes for data? Binary numbers...binary code to be more precise! (Maybe he has some sort of extra knowledge of the data in the worlds??? Or he could just be in complete control???)

I really dunno what else to add here, since it’s odd, but it may as well be a coincidence that I picked up on by mistake. Maybe we’ll bring this up again another day, once we have more information at our disposal.

()()()

Read up on this.

If you already read my little mess of speculation on nobility at the bottom of that post, then we’re good!

Anyways, if we follow the idea that Brain is the traitor, then what were his motives in the first place? For crying out loud, he really doesn't seem like he gives a shit about the meetings (as seen below).

Books, huh? Based off of this phrase alone, it's possible that he's looking for something, something related to information and possibly exclusive to the chambers. He's also seen being impatient and hurries to leave once he believes the case is settled, only to be stopped. (Or he just wants to read and avoid social interaction...mood.)

Maybe he wants something more than that. So what is 'nobility'? By definition it's: "the quality of being noble in character, mind, birth, or rank."

I already went over this in the previous post and I brought up that he could be of noble blood, but something most likely went wrong, horribly. Adding to the fact, that his name also means 'son of the judge' and/or 'high/noble'. So why would he have killed Strelitzia off? What could he have gained from that???

*tips hat* I...I'm not too sure either. There's countless possibilities (and we're dealing with Nomura for crying out loud). Besides information, I really don't see what else he can gain.

So how does 'Darkness' fit into this? I'm also not sure either, since we know barely anything of them in the first place. Maybe some undercover...

(I'm too tired and I keep forgetting where I'm trying to go with this...it's driving me nuts.)

()()()

Feel free to add anything, I was kinda in a rush while writing this, so I'm all over the place!

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 1x11 Chapter Eleven

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Stray thoughts

1) I get that Young Jane’s heart was in the right place, but by writing that letter she was deceiving both her mother and her grandmother and robbing them of the change to work things out on their own. They really needed to talk it out.

2) Oh, wow, Xiomara was on point, she knows her daughter too well…

XIOMARA: I don't want the fact that you didn't have this textbook family to make you go after something that maybe isn't right.

3) And it feels Jane is going to approach the dinner with Rafael and her mom in the same way… She’s going to coach Rafael into acting in a way that would satisfy her mother, right? Instead of letting them actually get to know each other and hope her mom comes around…

4) Of all the things going on in this show, this is by far the most unbelievable…

NUN: This is because I'd like to offer you a permanent job.

JANE: What?

NUN: Another teacher is pregnant. We thought you could trail her until you graduate and then cover her maternity leave. Then when she comes back, you can take yours with the promise of a permanent position in our Middle School when you return.

JANE: Wait, is-is this about the Jane the Virgin coins?

NUN: No, Ms. Villanueva. This is because the students gave you the highest score on your teacher evaluations.

I’m sorry, but this so far-fetched! I am a teacher, okay? Jane was doing her teaching residency, she hasn’t even graduated yet, right? On top of that, she has a full-time job, she’s pregnant, and she has all this personal drama going on which keeps her busy most of the time. It’s surprising she even managed to get through the student teaching assignment without failing spectacularly – there’s a lot of lesson-planning to do, materials to be prepared, notes to read, reports to write, and so on.

Moreover, the fact that you’re likable doesn’t mean you’re a great teacher. I don’t care how talented you are and how hard you study, you only learn how to be a good teacher in the classroom, and it takes YEARS. Jane is hardly there yet.

5) So, Jane is getting not only one but TWO amazing job opportunities she didn’t ask for and she hasn’t earned… Color me skeptical.

6) And now she’s being welcomed into the writers’ room? And they’re asking her for ideas? And they write her ideas into the show immediately? And she’s gullible enough to believe all of that could actually happen?

7)

8) And the second Rafael goes off script, he fucks it up.

9) Oh, I wish Xiomara’s dislike of Rafael wasn’t made to do with the fact that Michael confessed he still loves Jane. There are plenty of other reasons that justify why she’s entitled to feel iffy about their relationship, you know?

10) Petra opened up to Lachlan, but I’m not sure he’ll help her?

11) Why exactly did Xiomara go see Rafael? Just to tell him how much she doesn’t like him? It doesn’t seem fair. I have to admit, though, that even if she does seem a bit irrational I’m siding with her. He makes a good point when he says that Xiomara doesn’t really know him. But Jane doesn’t really know him either, and that’s the point.

12) Look, I love Rogelio, but he really needs to stop with these schemes…

JANE: Did you tell the writers to act like they liked my idea?

ROGELIO: Uh are you enjoying your new job?

JANE: Rogelio, did you?

ROGELIO: Yes, I did. But it was to give you confidence. You said you didn't know if you'd be any good at writing. And believing in yourself is the hardest part.

13) So, this is Xiomara’s strategy to prevent Rogelio from wanting to bone her…

But it didn’t work…

14) Now, that’s a turn-off…

I’d also go celibate after that.

15) Magda doesn’t trust Lachlan, and at first, I was like “yes, Magda, me neither!”, but then I remembered what Magda has done and maybe I should trust Lachlan if she doesn’t? I’m confused!

16) And this, among other things, is why Rogelio is my favorite character…

ROGELIO: I don't like it.

JANE: What?

ROGELIO: Well, I'm sorry. You asked me to be honest. You said it was important.

JANE: Yeah, yeah. It is, but what did you not like about it exactly?

ROGELIO: Well, a pirate would never say these things.

JANE: Oh, okay. I mean, do you know a lot of pirates or… ?

ROGELIO: And second and most importantly, telenovelas are all about drama. You know yelling, crying, scheming. And there's none of that in here. I'm sorry. Are you angry?

JANE: No. I mean, it stings, but I wanted you to tell me the truth. I have to make a decision. I just really loved writing it. I mean, I got butterflies.

ROGELIO: Well, that is important. You know, passion is important.

JANE: Yeah, but if I'm not talented –

ROGELIO: Oh, stop. Every new skill takes time. You can't expect to be an expert overnight.

I think he taught her a very valuable lesson. She was asking for his honesty but she was secretly hoping she would only get praise. Not only that, but he also gave her valuable feedback – she was clearly not writing in a style suitable for the genre, telenovelas. But the most valuable advice is what he tells her last – you can’t expect to be an expert overnight. She didn’t get it right the first time, so what? Now she knows what she needs to improve to make her piece better.

17) Oh, Michael completely misread the situation and now he actually has incriminating evidence to frame Rafael…

18) Uh-oh, Jane fell asleep while driving…

19) Awww, the butterflies she felt were the baby kicking!!! That’s so sweet!

20) So, Xiomara told Rogelio about the chastity vow, and OF COURSE, he was totally supportive. But she didn’t mention the fact that she’s remaining celibate UNTIL she gets married. I’m sure Rogelio would’ve dropped to his knees and proposed right there.

21) Uh-oh…

I’ll guess we’ll meet Milos soon.

Oh! On second thought, I’m thinking Lachlan left Petra the tulips, right? So that he can manipulate her and make himself the hero?

22) I actually felt kind of sorry for Michael, and also kind of agreed with him?

MICHAEL: Seems kind of like a sign, you know? You and me in the same hospital. At the same time.

NARRATOR: It felt like a sign to Jane as well. Only, a different one.

JANE: Michael, you're not waiting for me, are you? For us?

MICHAEL: Of course I am. I love you, Jane. I love you now, and I'll love you forever. And whatever's going on with you and Rafael, it's not gonna last.

JANE: You're wrong.

MICHAEL: Really? So you're trying to tell me that, at the end of the day, that's who you see yourself with? Rafael?

JANE: Yes, that's who I see myself with.

23) Oh, Nadine, that’s cold and mean! Turning in your partner just because you think he’s in love with something else and not you?

24) Alba came clean about pretending to be unconscious while Xiomara prayed, and it all led to them finding out Jane had been written “apology letters” in Xiomara’s name all her life, apparently. But there’s no confrontation about this?

25) Also, Jane chose the teaching job, but I hope that doesn’t mean she’s giving up writing just yet. The fact that she’s not talented at writing telenovelas doesn’t mean that she’s talented at writing, you know? She just needs to find what she’s good at.

26) Oh, that’s nice! They had the head writer encourage Jane, even if they didn’t keep her scene in the show.

27) YES! I WAS RIGHT!

28) I love jokes about my profession…

29) So she finally decided to take the internship because Dina complimented her writing.

30) What are these two up to? Why were they interested in keeping Jane around and why does Nicholas want to ruin Rogelio? I mean, I’m guessing that’s what he means when he says “Rogelio won’t know what hit him”. And how are they going to use Jane against him?

I agree, Rogelio.

Also, I’m disappointed in myself because I bought the good guy routine Nicholas put on? I actually thought for one second that Jane and him would make a nice couple? 

31) So… this was an episode, I guess? It was okay-ish, but I don’t feel it really moved the stories forward in any significant way, apart from the cliff hanger at the end, maybe? It felt kind of filler-ish, you know?

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[ralfstrashcan]

Violence in Fiction

When I don't like something in a TV show it's most likely the way violence caused by the protagonists is dealt with. There are different ways in which that can happen and I'm just gonna explain some by examples, namely Sherlock, Teen Wolf and Shadowhunters.

1) Skirting violence (Sherlock)

This is a good method to avoid having to address violence in any way, at least in theory. Until there is one measly scene containing violence and to keep the balance it's not touched on at all and so things get... really weird.

Taking a look at the first two Seasons of Sherlock and ignoring minor brawlings Sherlock and John get themselves into, there is one scene standing out: In the first episode, where John shoots the Cabbie and Sherlock 'questions' him while he's taking his last breaths. The first part is still mostly okay because it is talked about. It is clear that John has killed people in the past and knows how to handle that, Sherlock asks him if he's alright (so it's made clear that shooting someone is something that potentially leaves traces on a person's mental health) and John answers that the Cabbie wasn't a very nice man. And yeah, I get it, he was a serial killer that killed people through sick mind games to fund the college career of his kids and get a personal kick out of it, but the situation in which John shot him wasn't one of imminent danger, at least not because of the Cabbie. He actually shot the Cabbie because Sherlock was about to take the (only potentially) deadly pill because of his own ego and stupidity, not because the Cabbie forced him or posed any kind of threat to him. So wasn't it a little unjust? Even a serial killer deserves a trial, right? Of course it could be argued that John didn't see all that from his tiny little window, and this part of the scene isn't even what I want to focus on. I just thought I'd mention it along the way.

The real uncomfortable part begins after the Cabbie is shot. Sherlock wants answers, preferably fast before the Cabbie goes west, and so he steps onto his shot shoulder to give him a li'l incentive to spill. And this is.. problematic. Because, you know, torture. Deliberately inflicting pain on a dying person. Not cool. And yeeeaaah, Sherlock is really harsh most of the time and unnecessarily insensitive, but this is crossing the line. And it's not addressed at all, which makes kind of sense, because Sherlock obviously has no qualms and John doesn't know it happened (?) and so it just sits there, uncommented. I always feel really awkward watching that scene because it seems so out of place amidst the other relatively violence-free episodes of S1 and S2.

In S3 and S4 the general tone of the series changes and so the violence when it occurs (Mary shooting Sherlock, Sherlock shooting Magnussen, Eurus killing people whenever) doesn't seem so out of place like that one scene in the first Season did.

2) No real or asymmetrical consequences of violence (Teen Wolf)

Two things, real quick:

i) Everyone should be a lot more traumatized than they actually are. The only person(s) to show any kind of reaction to all the gore are Stiles and occasionally Lydia (and the Sheriff, but the Sheriff is mostly exasperated so it doesn't really count).

ii) I feel like the thing that has impacted Stiles the most so far (I still haven't seen 6B, but since Stiles only has a minor role in this (</3!!!!!!!!!) I don’t think it will really change anything) was the thing with Donovan in S5 and I felt like ???????? shouldn't the whole Nogitsune thing have been way way worse for him??????? I mean okay, in S5 he was actually in control, except he wasn't because it was an accident, but yeah yeah yeah, I get it that it's hard to comprehend and knowing something rationally isn't the same as feeling it to be true emotionally. Still. That was one person that died. While attempting to kill him, mind you. In S3 the Nogitsune killed, like, a lot of people and Stiles, being possessed, didn't only have a front row seat, he also felt his elated emotions while killing them. And the whole thing went on for weeks. That's gotta be worse, right?!

I felt like Stiles acting weird and keeping secrets from Scott in S5 was used as a plot device so Theo could sneak his way inside Scott's head while after S3 there was no time to deal with Stiles-Trauma, so in S4 he was mostly back to normal.... except for that one scene with Malia in the basement, the “Control is overrated”-Scene (which I still don't get by the way, so feel free to explain that to me anytime).

3) Inconsistent reactions to violence (Shadowhunters)

This is probably the one that annoys me the most, because it's inconsistent. I freakin' hate inconsistency. Everything else can be forgiven, tropes, clichés, stupid lines, stupidity, even gaping holes in the logic, as long as it's freakin' consistent. It's why I have absolutely zero problems loving Teen Wolf to pieces, because that show has logic that is downright sketchy at times, but that is a constant, so it's alright. (Except for maybe S4, that was really too much bullshit. But it was funny as hell, okay, so I didn't care. I enjoyed myself immensely watching it.) Anyway, back to my point. Shadowhunters and the way violence performed by the protagonists is dealt with.

There are different types of violence shown on-screen:  

a) Killing Demons

This one is really unproblematic, because demons are Creatures of Evil whose sole purpose of existence is to kill or injure innocent bystanders. Also they are no highly developed creatures and look like really nasty vermin (or at least most of them do, except for 1x01 where all demons where human-shaped and human-looking but I'm putting that down to pilot-weirdness) so it's like killing a bug. It's also really convenient that 'killing' them doesn't really kill them but instead just sends them back to their home dimension where they dwell until the next rift opens. So, really, it's more like putting them in the jail of monopoly.  

b) Killing Downworlders

Eh, I'm sorry, what? Downworlders aren't killed on-screen by protagonists, only by Evil Circle Members! We all know that is Wrong and Bad!

Yeah well, mostly. Except for that one scene in S1 where Alec and Izzy slay Vampires like it's nothing. But let me start elsewhere.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Shadowhunters may or may not have racist tendencies and look down on Downworlders, yet there is that iffy little thing called The Accords that prevents them from harming them. In theory. It is also widely known that most Shadowhunters in higher ranks don't really give a shit about the Accords and feel like ignoring them whenever the mood strikes is totally okay. For example Aldertree torturing Raphael to get information. It's the same when Meliorn is to be brought into the City of Bones for questioning even though he could very well die in the process of said questioning. But, you know, he is evilly withholding information, so it's alright to break the Accords, because surely the Seelies will be too afraid to start a war with the Shadowhunters in retaliation, should anything happen. We all know how the story goes, Izzy 'goes rogue' and steals Meliorn before he reaches the City of Bones and because the Clave is full of shit they drop the charges for treason against her as soon as they get the Cup in their greedy little fingers. Really, you would think a trial for treason couldn't be ended so easily, but whatever. My point is, Izzy is very pro Downworlders for a Shadowhunter, right? In a society where, even though it's dictated by the Accords, being pro Downworlder is very frowned upon. Lydia even warns her to consider what she's saying when Izzy says, “You know what's insane? Thinking we have the right to treat a Downworlder's life as worthless” in 1x11 during her trial, neatly proving both my claims.

I think it's safe to say that Izzy doesn't have these views since yesterday but has had them for a long time, to withstand against a society that tries to teach her differently.

So why the hell does 1x03 happen?? Simon got kidnapped by the Vampires, so to steal him back Clary, Jace, Alec and Izzy break into the Hotel DuMort and Alec and Izzy are the distraction. Meaning they trigger the alarm and proceed to kill every Vampire that comes their way.

What. The. Hell.

I mean yeah, the Vampires did kidnap Simon, but collective punishment much? Who says the other Clan Members even knew what Camille was up to?? In fact we see Raphael and Camille disagree over this whole kidnapping, suggesting that this was Camille's idea alone and the rest of the Vampire Clan had no say in it at all. Of course the Shadowhunters don't know that, but that possibility should have crossed their minds, that's not too much to ask, right? Also, again, don't they deserve, like, a trial? And even if they don't, isn't killing tons of Vampires for one measly abduction where the hostage isn't even lastingly harmed a little excessive?

And yes, the Vampires did attack Alec and Izzy, but they were freakin' breaking into their home and flapping their seraph blades around. Did they expect to be asked to leave politely? What the hell?!

To be honest, from Alec I didn't reaaally expect more, because of the weird racism issue he has (in early episodes he says some super racist things about Downworlders and later it's never mentioned again and not really reflected in his behavior which I find super weird and annoying but that's a topic for another day) but Izzy, who stands out with her Downworlder-friendly attitude??? What was going on with her???

Of course one could argue here that they are just so hardened through all the demon-slaying, but honestly I don't believe that because demons are (mostly) mindless creatures whereas Vampires were real people at some point and still are in spirit if not in biology. Seriously.  

c) Killing other Shadowhunters (namely Circle Members)

And on with the killing of real people. Apparently Circle Members (CM from now on because I'm lazy) don't need a trial, fine. Apparently all the protagonists have absolutely no problem slaying fellow Shadowhunters, even though I believe that before S1 the Circle was officially dead and no more CM were running around and so the protagonists didn't have practice killing people. Izzy says in 1x04, “Before Clary got here, every day was the same. Go on a mission, kill demons. Go on a mission, kill demons.” Demons, not rogue CM. But of course that could have been for the easy parallelism, you know, to keep the sentences short. But I don't think that.

Anyway, even if we leave all this aside... shouldn't all that people killing leave, like, a slight uncomfortable feeling in anyone's gut? Because it really doesn't.

Again, one could argue that they are just hardened and used to all the violence and while I think that is a flawed argument (because I don't believe that killing is something you can get used to if you don't have a grave mental health issue) I will concede the point. For the Lightwoods.

What about Clary? She's been part of the Shadow World for like two weeks and she's joining in on the killing as if it's nothing. She goes from “Oh my god you killed her!!!!!111” in 1x01 to happily stabbing people in two seconds flat. What the hell, Clary.

That she might take to killing demons, okay, because blah blah primitive creatures blah blah. But everything else is just un-freakin-believable, if you ask me.

Of course I understand why this happens in all these shows. It's necessary. It's for the same reason that you don't show every meal the characters eat or every time they go to the toilet; it's obvious they do it at some point but nobody cares about that. If you focus all your screen-time on the mental health issues of the characters you never get to the fun parts like explosions and fights and stuff. I get that.

Still. Can't it be avoided?

Welllllll.

I have to admit, I have seen one TV show that really took the time to portray consequences of violence realistically, and that was Hannibal. In the first episode Will, who is labile on a good day, shoots someone in an entirely justifiable act of self-defense where he had absolutely no other choice than shooting that person or risk the life of an innocent bystander. And then he is traumatized for a while and the frequent visits to the psychiatrist of his misplaced trust don't really improve his situation, but my point is, he struggled with what he has done even though there were good reasons why he did it, there were long term consequences, and he is haunted even Seasons later by this, by his first time killing another person.

Now that is some nice handling of the consequences of violence.

Of course taking all that time on-screen to process his thoughts and feelings serves the plot, so there's that.

I guess what I'm saying is, I understand why it's done, this neglect of dealing with the fallout of violence, but on the other hand it still annoys me. Don't get me wrong, I love all the shows I mentioned and have re-watched them more than once and surely will again, but.

A grain of discontent stays.

[rainy-rose]

10 Questions

I was tagged by @burningemberjade. Thank you very much ^^

I had to think a bit for some of the answers :))

1. Last book you read and your opinion on it.

I just finished the first installment of Artemis Fowl  by Eoin Colfer. Since I took a break from it for almost a year, I can only state my opinion about the last 70 pages or so. It was okay, an easy read, I remember reading quite a lot of it on a 2 hour train ride. Although some of the characters and the way they handled things was a bit iffy, I quite like it and I think I will continue with the series. I am actually looking it up now to download it :)).

2. Next book on your reading list.

*goes to the shelf and grabs book* As a physical read it’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone by Laini Taylor, as for ebooks... I think I will give Atlas Shrugged a chance. I should probably get through A song of Ice and fire as well, but ughhhh, don’t really want to 

3. Favorite novel of all time.

Since last spring Watership Down has that status. That and Harry Potter and the Prizoner of Azkaban

4. Current favorite song.

The Eagle Flies Alone by Arch Enemy. I had this on repeat for days :))

5. Favorite song of all time.

It’s a tie between Filrth in the Beauty and Taion, both by The Gazette. I don’t have a particular reason for Filth, Taion on the other hand has such a sad backstory T_T 

6. What inspired you to become a writer? If you’re not a writer, what are your career goals and aspirations?

I used to write in high school, but not at the level of calling myself a writer. However, being one is kind of my dream career. Maybe someday I will start writing again because I miss it and I still get moments when I want to write of random and unrelated plot ideas.

7. Favorite color?

Purpleeee. One of my classmates has started calling me “purple” because most of my winter clothes, coat included, are purple :))

8. What helps you de-stress?

Depends on where I am when the stress kicks in, but I usually listen to music, or rant to my best friend. Sometimes even scrolling through tumblr helps.

9. Tell me a story about you that you feel sums up your personality pretty well.

I had to think a bit about this one, but something I have noticed recently about my personality is that I get extremely annoyed when people waste time and can’t make a decision and also, that I want to avoid spending time with acquaintances. Unfortunately, some times the 2 kind of clash which leads to the following moment of “why the fuck did I not keep my mouth shut!”

So, my best friend (Delia )and I were at the Botanical Garden for an event and we meet some of my former B.A classmates and her current M.A classmates. Both me and Delia are not particularly fond of these people so, we went our own way and meet with them here and there, but did not spend that much time with them, while at the event. That is until one of them called her to tell her that they were about to leave, so we got to the gate and met with them. The discussion of “let’s find a place to eat” arose, Delia and I had already spoken about that, so we were not offering much input, since we did not want to go with them. Buuuuut, cue them arguing and insisting upon different places, but at the same not making a decision and constantly pushing forward the idea that we had to find a place that could accommodate everybody’s eating habits [ both me and Delia are vegans, and there are not that many places for us in Bucharest, places that are acceptable price wise]. While they were talking, we were trying to figure out how to tell them that we had no intention of coming, without it being obvious that we did not want to spend anymore time with them. That did not work well... I got annoyed at the whole situation and opposed to my usually quiet and calm demeanor got quite bossy and told them to just choose already cause we can eat some grilled veggies and fries and we will be fine. Discussion ceased pretty soon and the place was decided, buut now we could not get away from them so we had to join them cause I opened my mouth and made a firm point. Needless to say, it was not enjoyable and I ended up spending more money than I wanted to, kept conversations to a minimum, usually with Delia or answering here and there when I was asked something... not fun! The food was good, but I finished fast cause 1. I was hungry and 2. I had no interest for the discussions that were going on.

Oh, and the worst part... the table we sat at was next to a table at which 3 children and their families were... I do not like kids... at all, especially when they are small. I perfected my glare on them!

Phew... that was longer than intended :)) but I am not good at talking about myself, but yeah, those are some of my not so pleasant traits :)). I am not as horrible/weird as I made it sound, I promise :)) 

10. If an elf randomly showed up on your doorstep and asked you to go adventuring, would you? Why or why not?

Ohhh, yesss. I might have like a list of questions about what the adventures will consist of, but yes is definitely an answer. As for why... well, my life is pretty boring, and a chance to adventure is always welcome, especially if it consists of a fantastical creature and possibly magic. Sing me up! Top o the list! right here~

All right, so I am better at answering questions than asking them, but here goes nothing!

1. What is your favorite book genre and why?

2. Books/manga/graphic novels adapted into a movie or a tv series?

3. If you could choose 3 characters to go on an adventure with, who would they be?

4. What is your favorite animal and why?

5. What were your career goals when you were little? Did you reach them?

6. What was the first concert you went to and how old where you?

7. How long have you known your closest friend?

8. Watching movies at the cinema or at home?

9. Are you an organized person?

10. What is your drink of choice? Both alcoholic and non-alcoholic

I’ll taaaaaggg *goes to her dash cause she has no clue* @boop-your-snoot, @bibliophilicwitch, @bookcub, @wot-tidbits, @anassarhenisch. Only if you want to/feel comfortable ^_^ 

[welcometotheheartbreakhotel]

24 Hours [PREVIEW]

Pairing// JeongUk&&Y/N

Genre// Angst;+TBD

A/N// This is inspired by the song [24 Hours] by Mayu Wakisaka. For those of you viewing this on web, you can play the song on the playlist found on my blog, incidentally, this song also inspired the current name of my blog. Those on mobile, can find this song on youtube, spotify, and iTunes. It’s a beautiful song. I hope you guys enjoy the story that came about from it.

also did yall notice that i done diddly did a thing with the choice of this song/prompt and group/member ahahahahaha STAN 24K FFS catch the word count of the complete being 24k too ohmylort if it is... I’m already at 8k[ffs... my bias is showing]

Thanks for reading!

“There’s so much I want to say. So much I want you to know. I just want to tell you everything. Have no secrets and just bare it all. I... I know you know that I keep things to myself, but I want to be able to talk to you about these things. I feel like I can. I know I can. I just I don’t even know where to begin.”

I stayed quiet for a moment. “Well... start at the beginning.”

“I- okay.” he took another long swig of the coffee before taking a deep breath and looking up at me. “It all started 2 years ago. I... I met someone. A girl.”

I nodded. I knew this story.

Our story.

“The first time I saw her...” his eyes shifted down to the mug again with a smile. “I remember it was at that dance club downtown. She was there with her friends.” The corners of his mouth lifted into a full grin, his eyebrows perking up. “The way she looked in that little black dress she had on... Everyone was looking at her. Everyone. No joke, I knew from the get go she was out of my league. A girl like her? Never in a million years would she even think of a guy like me.” he tapped his forefinger against the mug handle. “For some divine reason, she caught me staring at her and she stared into my soul. With these gorgeous, doe eyes that put honey to shame. I thought she was going to kick my ass or sent some goon my way, but you know what she did?” he shook his head, incredulous at himself, but looked up at me for an answer.

“She smiled.” we said, in unison.

His eyes met mine once more, “And then I couldn’t see anyone else. All I could see was her. I was lucky enough to be able to buy her that first drink. On heaven when she accepted the second. I thought I had to be dreaming when she agreed to dance with me.” He tsked. “See, I never ask other people to dance with me. I’m a solo dance type of person. No one else can ever match my rhythm. But she did. We danced for what must have been hours. Right up until the DJ played the last song. That slow song.” He reached his hand out, and I instinctively reached mine out to hold his. “Do you remember?”

“Hi Hello.” I said. It had held such a strong memory for me, how perfectly the lyrics matched our situation. Our story.

“It’s funny, isn’t it? The irony of that song…” his thumb began to rub the back of my hand. “I remember thinking how cheesy it was, and how she probably thought I was such a dork for agreeing to dance it.  But I didn’t care. All I wanted was to make the moment last. And I’ve managed to make it last for this past year and a half.”

“Wanna know something?” He nodded, his eyes now focused on our intertwined hands. “You know, around a year and a half ago, I met a guy at that very club. I saw him as soon as I walked in. I don’t know exactly what it was, but my eyes went directly towards him. He looked so cool, so sure of himself. Like he was in his element. He seemed so… untouchable.” I could feel his hand become a little stiff within mine, but I continued. “And I liked it. Everything about him. I thought about different ways to go up to him. Talk to him. Ask him to dance. Buy him a drink, but anything I thought up made me think that maybe I’d come off as too desperate. I didn’t want to be too obvious, so I tried my best to play it cool. Me, cool.” I laughed at the dumb thought. I’d always been the biggest dork to ever set foot into any place. “So, when Jen said he was looking over, I just thought it was at her, or at one of the other girls. I mean, I felt a little iffy by it if it just so happened he was looking at one of the other girls, but then again who was I to be that way? And… so I looked at him. And he was looking at me… I was so relieved that I ended up accidentally smiling at him. And then he asked to buy me a drink. What was it again?”

“Rum and Coke.” he managed.

“A rum and Coke.” I nodded. He raised 3 fingers with his other hand. “Yes, three of them. I gotta say, the alcohol gave me the confidence I needed to dance with him. I thought God was really on my side that night. And when…” I could feel tears prickle at the edges of my eyes.  “When that last song played and we danced… I felt like one of those girls from a movie. I swear we were the only 2 people in the world during those 3 minutes, and that was all I needed. When it was over, I swear, I couldn’t give him my number soon enough. I wanted to see him again, even if I had just seen him not even 5 minutes before. I’m never going to forget the message he sent that night.”

[...]

[hollowbastionsurvivor]

Episode 5 - "I'm like Queen Karishma at this point!" ~Daniel

Tribal Immunity: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630458057024061440/tribal-immunity-5

I apologize, Colin. I could have and would have, saved you with my idol. Will I see you soon? Likelihood high. Colin, you deserved better. 🥰🙃

Kevin volunteers to be the Hero. He wins and gains a legacy advantage

Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630460723548553216/hero-challenge-results

Colin, you deserved better. I feel I should have gone with you to protect you. I'll see you soon? Thanks for being helpful and friendly. I do not want a merge, nor do I want to go to 2 (or 3) tribes. I also believe I am at the bottom, even with "power." I do not know, though. Glad Kevin won. I have (bad) theories, but I know nothing at this point. (I feel I am like Alice in season w/e with Santa.)

UMMM THAT WAS QUICK. Kevin is really killing it. Defs need to watch out for him .. it’s really hard to tell who is working with who.

~~~~~

Emma starts an alliance with Ellie and Jessica. Ellie considers giving Emma her immunity idol

at this point i don't have much to confess i'm not gonna lie to you all. it's pretty cut and dry. we don't go to tribal at all. i don't think we know what tribal is at this point. the other tribe is like nothing? three people? idk guess we'll see what happens with merge (: 

~~~~~

Emma considers giving Ellie or Jessica her immunity idol. Emma suspects a swap instead of a merge next round

Tonight will be interesting. Speculation of merge or 2/3 tribes. I feel I am on the bottom, but again, I do not know what is going on. I am having fun anyway. 🤷‍♀️😈🙃 As King Elliot once said, "Magic doesn't come from talent. It comes from pain."

Welppppp, Colin got the boot in the Nobody tribal. I can’t say I didn’t see that coming. I’m so happy that Kevin got us immunity last night! I really need to get one of these advantages that come with these immunity challenges, but I’m just glad to still be in the game. Part of me really wants to go to tribal if only to get Emma out, but I also know that would be a shitshow because she’d lose her mind and probably take us all down with her lol. I’m thinking the merge is gonna be happening ASAP. I’m nervous for individual immunity challenges because it seems I keep getting second place no matter what the challenge is 😫 

I hilariously don't have much to say about this last go because it was over before I could read the post 😆😆😆😆 but I will say it's concerning how quiet it has been. I am hoping it's just because people are enjoying the time off since we keep dominating. Oh I'm not surprised that Colin went home after the mutiny and being down numbers. He wanted it spicy though.

Adaora does not trust Jessica. Emma swears to Jessica that Adaora can be trusted the most out of everyone on the tribe

Not much to confess from the last time. I’m still really iffy on the new people who mutineed. They, especially Jessica seems really untrustworthy.

~~~~~

Emma gives her immunity idol to Ellie. Ellie now has two idols.

Emma quits: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630536465044144128/announcement-quit

~~~~~

Tribal Immunity: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630458057024061440/tribal-immunity-5

Daniel volunteers to be the Hero and loses

Results: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630460723548553216/hero-challenge-results

A huge mess! I cannot believed I screwed up another Challenge! I'm like Queen Karishma at this point! I was so close! The first round we both got wrong, I knew the symbol was a square, I don't know why I picked up a star! And then the second one, I knew it was smiley face, star, square, smiley, smiley! I am kicking myself so hard! I guess now it's time to see how well we trust each other.

~~~~~

Jordan wants to target Kim because of the “rewards” he got during two immunity challenges. He tries to convince Daniel of this plan to get rid of Kim. The plan is to reassure Kim so that he won’t play any of his “rewards” at tribal. They don’t know that the “rewards” were just clues to the idol hunt

I unfortunately am starting to think that my game may be over. There’s only three of us left on the tribe, we’re all in an alliance together. Kim has two rewards that he has won from challenges so he is more then likely safe. I’m hoping me and Dan can figure out a plan to make things work but at this point in time I don’t think it’s too likely

~~~~~

Kim is hesitant to target either Daniel or Jordan because he trusts them both a lot. This hesitance may cause his downfall if he doesn’t start taking charge of the vote

Tribal again, kinda disheartening. With a tribe of 3 there's no where to hide and there's a huge chance i could be going tonight, Especially because I have won both rewards so far . I just have to hope they'll keep me

~~~~~

I could be wrong and going home today, but i believe I'm the swingvote. But the problem is , i don't know where to swing 

~~~~~

Tribal is cancelled: https://hollowbastionsurvivor.tumblr.com/post/630536465044144128/announcement-quit

So happy tribal was cancelled for us. Sorry to see Emma go, but not that sorry because it means it's not me! I think we are still tribe strong even though we threw our names under the bus... haha. Here's hoping we merge soon!

I want to start off by saying I hate when people quit, however it’s hard for me not to be happy about it, we dodged a bullet today. Hours before tribal someone from the other tribe decided to quit, therefore we get to skip the vote! It was going to be a pretty ugly tribal, I have no clue what would have happened. Since we are now officially at 10 I’m assuming a merge is coming up tonight. Two of our old tribe members are currently on the heartless tribe, if they decide to work with us again, it will be 5 nobody’s vs 5 heartless and we have a game !! Who knows if they are going to be willing though, they already voluntarily left us once..I’m just so happy to have made it as far as I have this far.

~~~~~

Edgic: