#also just. exorsexist and intersexist

[satyrradio]

idk if this is a hot take or whatever but the "brain sex" theory sounds so stupid

[transmaverique]

amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?

it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".

like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.

[genderqueerdykes]

Okay, so I've been a lesbian for a while and don't know some of the terminology, and I'm kinda confused on how men can be lesbians (specifically cis men). Mostly cause I've never heard anyone talk about it before, adding a long I also have a question. So could I still identify as a lesbian if I find myself attracted to men or masc presenting people? I've seen people say you can't so yea! (Sorry if this doesn't make sense or if I came off as rude)

hello there!

the argument that lesbians can't be men is transphobic, intersexist, gender essentialist, exorsexist and a lot of other very exhausting and historically inaccurate ways. it has nothing to do with real lesbianism but rather rad fems and political lesbians online trying to turn the lesbian community into a "girls only" club where they can shit on men and be transphobic and toxic

people love to jump to the assumption that i'm taking about cis men first and foremost, which i'm not- although i genuinely don't care if a cis man identifies as a lesbian i'm not a cop and you shouldn't be, either. we all need to collectively kill the cops in our minds. no, this will not create an influx of "cishet men invading lesbian spaces." cishet men can literally already choose to identify as lesbians if they want to and they literally do not. most cishet men are lesbophobic and disgusted by irl lesbians and only find lesbianism attractive in porn. if cishet men wanted to lesbians, they already would be. also again, i'm not a cop, so it's not my business if a cis man does identify for any reason as a lesbian. if that concept makes one uncomfortable, they can choose to ignore that person.

this is not the conversation we're having, so it's best to realize that there's a far deeper issue here.

the people who tell you lesbians can't be men are specifically targeting butch lesbians, transmascs, ftm, trans men, trans male, bigender, multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, and genderfuck lesbians. lesboys, boydykes, lesbians who are non binary, lesbians who don't have a gender, lesbians who are men only, lesbians who are two spirit, butches who are men. these are all people who have been in the lesbian community all along, and this is who is being targeted. anyone who tells you a lesbian cannot be a man is either a rad fem or someone who has been indoctrinated by one, or someone who is very confused and ill informed at best

butchphobia is heavily linked to this behavior. many butch lesbians are women and women only and that's a legitimate expression of butchhood, but MANY and i mean many butches throughout history have been transmascs and trans men, or have been men in other capacities, such as trans women who are also men, and other multigender people.

bigender people exist in every identity. id on't know why people conveniently love to just forget about this when it comes to the argument of lesbian men. it's not just you, i get this sentiment all the time. we need to realize that multigender people exist. we need to collectively accept that genderfluid and genderqueer and genderfuck people exist and they can be lesbians, too. many butch lesbians are literally men and it's not right to kick them out of the community. please remember that the "lesbians can only be women and only if they're cis and not Too Butch" mindset directly stems from lesbian separatism and political lesbianism. i'd suggest researching those topics, they were at their peak in the 1980s and 90's in the United States and caused a lot of damage that we're still seeing the ripples from

lesbians shouldn't have to get some kind of extra or approval to be men. i really just don't get this mindset. you have to ask yourself why this even matters to begin with. it doesn't. it's not harming anyone else for a lesbian to be a man. if you're not attracted to them you don't have to be. if you are attracted to them, it doesn't invalidate your lesbianism. bigender, multigender, non binary, genderfluid, genderfuck, gnc, intersex, trans, and other gender variant people shouldn't be banned from the lesbian community for no reason.

also i keep begging people to do so but please research the life and identity of Leslie Feinberg. zie was a polygender butch lesbian who did identify as a man. i repeat this phrase a lot but if you don't know who zie is, your knowledge of lesbian history of very limited. lesie was a very prolific activist for lesbian and trans rights, as well as many other important issues. leslie wasn't some random tumblruser or what have you, there are people who have existed well outside of the bounds of this website who have identified as lesbian men. this phenomenon is not new, it's not relegated to the internet, and it's not something that people should have never heard of before.

i suggest researching lesbian history outside of tumblr. i'm one of the few who isn't, but most of the popular bloggers in the lesbian community on here is proudly transphobic as fuck. when they say "I'M A LESBIAN, MEN DNI!!!!!!" they are PROUDLY showing their transphobia. a lesbian who is bigender, multigender, non binary, transmasc, genderfluid, and so on is trans. this is transphobia. this is lesbophobia. lesbians can be men whether or not it makes an individual comfortable. there are also trans women who are... also men. we can't keep allowing this to be a "threat". we are killing our own when we do this

i'm glad you took the time to ask. i get heated on this issue, so this is a rather passionate response because i'm just outright sick of people acting like the idea of a lesbian identifying a man is somehow unheard of. lesbians are well known for being some of the most genderfucked people in the queer community. we struggle with gender our entire lives due to the expectations and stressors placed on our shoulders, as well as who we are on the inside. it will never unheard of for lesbians to be genderqueer.

i hope this helps somewhat. if you have any more questions feel free to ask. i will continue talking about this until people understand that lesbian men are not a threat to anyone. manhood belongs in lesbianism whether or not that makes you or anyone else uncomfortable. it's an experience that will continue to happen no matter what people have to say in conjecture and theory- lesbian men will continue to show up to lesbian and other pride meetings. we will continue to talk and write about our experiences. and the world will keep turning as a result. the sun will rise again. and no one was hurt simply by the existence of some lesbians being men.

[this-is-exorsexism]

I just saw a post about how transmasc and transfem aren't labels you can "opt out of," how if you transition like this then you ARE transmasc and if you transition like that then you ARE transfem, whether you like it or not. Because it's just a "fact" about your transition, not an identity.

And it just made me so sad. I'm transneutral. Sure, my transition might look binary to an outside observer. Yeah, people might look at me now and see me as far more masculine than I was before I transitioned. But that's other people. Not me.

Does this count as exorsexism? I feel like it does but I'm also worried that they're right, and maybe my identity is offensive and maybe I AM lying for not calling myself transmasc. I don't know. I just feel really bad and insecure right now.

this is exorsexism.

through and through.

i'm assuming this post was by a trans person, because cis people tend to be less educated about trans terminology in the first place, and will often just parrot whatever is popular but not think of it any further.

a lot of trans people, even some nonbinary people, seem to be really invested in upholding the gender binary in its various forms. "these are the two options you have, and you cannot be neither" is just gender binary 2.0.

people want to group especially nonbinary people by our AGAB, because a lot of people can't handle the fact that us simply saying "i'm nonbinary" doesn't give them any information about our AGAB, about "where we came from" the way that "trans woman" or "trans man" does. never mind the fact that some intersex people who were (c)afab are trans women and some intersex people who were (c)amab are trans men, but these people usually aren't just exorsexist, they're intersexist too. if the term "trans woman" doesn't necessarily tell you what gender someone was assigned at birth anymore, apparently the term loses all its meaning, since everything hinges on AGAB... somehow. but i digress.

and people have definitely started using transmasculine and transfeminine as "acceptable" shorthands for AGAB language, whether they admit it or not. if you were afab, your only options are cis woman, trans man or transmasculine nonbinary, and if you're transmasculine nonbinary we treat you like a man anyway, and vice versa for amab folk.

bonus points if it all hinges on transition steps, i.e. if you were amab and take oestrogen, you're automatically transfem regardless of how you identify (and if you don't take enough transition steps you're basically cis anyway - their line of thinking, not mine).

because we're definitely dismantling cissexism by still acting as if hormones are inherently masculine or feminine. we're definitely deconstructing the gender binary by just changing the words from male and female to transmasc and transfem. (heavy sarcasm)

so much of it goes back to people really just upholding cissexism and the binary, probably without even realising it. by saying it's about "what we were born as" or about how we transition, people are just using the same violence on nonbinary people as cis people use on all trans people. just because cis people assume you're masculine, trans people somehow think it's what you want and do it as well.

transmasc and transfem nonbinary people obviously exist. it's part of many people's identity. others actually do just use the term as a shorthand to what they're transitioning from, where they're transitioning to, how they're transitioning, certain experiences of transmisia, etc. and that's fine - if you use it like that for yourself and don't force it onto others.

and people also love framing words that have a heavy nonbinary association as somehow offensive, dirty or otherwise bad. people will go so far to avoid saying the word "nonbinary", they hate the word "enby", in fact, they hate when we have any term that is more specific than nonbinary, and they also hate our trans- terms, be it transneutral, transandrogynous or the many others. they really hate when we're actually somewhat equal.

[velvetvexations]

(had a point and then it fractal-ed into several points, sorry)

honestly, as a trans person, I hate the acronym TERF bc like. all radical feminism is trans-exclusionary bc it’s basic framework is bio/gender-essentialist and inherently binary and therefore transphobic&exorsexist&intersexist and subsequently exclusionary to every marginalized gender and sex. but bc of tacking on the “TE” part to the radical feminism, we get a lot of people unquestioningly parroting off basic radfem beliefs with a fresh coat of progressive terminology bc they haven’t broken down how the base theory is functionally ineffective and ideologically fixated on self-victimization and inaccurate hierarchies of oppression. (and this is all without even looking at the racism, colorism, ableism, classism, etc. within radfem theory.) and it also leads to major misunderstandings of intersectionality and how oppression and discrimination actually function (and also the conflation of those two concepts). speaking from personal, irl experience with a person who viewed minority status as “stackable”, it feels like a lot of these people who are so fixated on the tma/tme dichotomy and against talking about anti-transmasculinity/transandrophobia, think that if trans men/mascs and nonbinary people (of all asab) have a way to talk about the specific things that they face, then that’s a way for them to “unfairly” “earn more oppression points” which challenges their radfem-based view that one specific minority (sometimes their own, sometimes not) is “the most oppressed” (and therefore not culpable for any bigotry they express/perform since it’s all “punching up”)

(hope this made some sense, sorry if it didn’t <3)

yes, it's all just radical feminism, and it's even more self-destructive because ultimately radical feminist logic will always lead to the conclusion that trans women aren't women and are a danger to AFAB people

[ventbloglite]

"But how can you defend an AFAB calling herself a trans woman or trans fem?" Can you like not be exorsexist or intersexist for like two hot seconds and also remember that some people detransition and also remember that some people just have complex genders and maybe just maybe might consider themselves trans feminine because of that?

Also nobody 'owns' those words dumbass they describe a certain experience not necessarily the person stop putting people in boxes they know what their experience is. I've literally never seen someone who wasn't straight up genderqueer or intersex or both call themselves transfeminine despite being born AFAB. No cis woman is calling herself trans feminine just for existing as a woman. AFAB does not equal 'cis' just as much as it doesn't equal 'woman'. Y'all need to remember what the 'assigned' part is supposed to mean.

[the-delta-quadrant]

non-ableist alternatives to "phobia" when referring to oppression

-misia: examples: JKR is transmisic. they're struggling with internalised fatmisia. "-misia" comes from the greek word for hate and it's already used in other oppression terms like misogyny. out of all the options, it's the most similar one to "-phobia" grammatically. there is no agreed upon noun for someone who is

-misic, though i have seen -miser,

-misist and simply -misic used for that. examples: JKR is a transmiser. transmisics are having a go under my youtube shorts. some transmisist insulted me.

anti-: examples: anti-aceness is detrimental to aces' mental health. transmedicalism is inherently anti-nonbinary. "anti-" means "against" and it's already commonly used when it comes to lawmaking, so it's intuitive. there is, however, no noun to refer to someone who is anti-.

-antagonism: examples:

amatonormativity is aro-antagonistic. bi-antagonism is still common in queer spaces. the weight loss industry is full of fat-antagonists.

"antagonism" refers to hatred and hostility.

-negativity: examples: using "gay" as an insult is homonegative. i have encountered transnegativity in the medical field. this suffix is pretty self-explanatory. it also complements "-positivity" which is often used to describe affirmation of a marginalised group. there isn't really a noun to refer to someone who is -negative, but you could just say "-negatives".

example: transnegatives are ruining our community.

-hostility: examples: transhostility is on the rise. expecting fat people to hide our bodies is fathostile.

another self-explanatory one, and another one without a noun to call -hostile people, but once again, you can just use the adjective as a noun. example: there were a lot of homohostiles at my school.

-hate: examples: IGM is a manifestation of intersex-hate. pan-haters think bi is the only valid label for multi-attraction.

this is another very straight-forward one, although there isn't really an adjective to refer to something or someone who exhibits -hate. maybe

-hating or -hateful.

examples: banning transition for minors is trans-hateful. TERFs are trans-hating misogynists.

-ism: "-ism" as a suffix for oppression is already known from terms like ableism, racism, classism or sexism.

a short list of -isms:

if something is anti-gay, it is heterosexist.

if something is anti-bi/mspec, it is monosexist.

if something is anti-trans, it is cissexist.

if something is anti-ace/aro, it is allosexist.

if something is anti-intersex, it is intersexist or perisexist.

if something is anti-nonbinary, it is exorsexist.

if something is anti-fat, it is sizeist.

there are many ways to not be ableist. choose one.

[cedarnommer]

I think people throwing in blanket terms like "trans community" like it's a universal thing and we all live in the same country and follow the exact same ideas actually pisses me off. It's a red flag when TERFs and other transphobes do it. And when so called allies or other trans people do it, you are also a red flag and part of the problem. Did you know that I'm from Eastern Europe? Did you know that my language doesn't even have most of the words needed to express the complexities of gender and sexual identities and we have to borrow words from English? Did you know that how we do gender presentation is unique from person to person? And that these same rules apply TO OTHER GEOGRAPHIC LOCATIONS?

We are not responsible as a demographic for what this or that trans person did. We have problematic trans people that are racist, sexist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, transmedicalist, exorsexist and intersexist. But do you know when acknowledging these things will be good? When these things AREN'T ASSOCIATED WITH MERELY BEING TRANS! Or do you think cis perisex folks somehow can't have people amongst them that are bigoted? The future I want is one where I can be trans and can dislike someone, not because they were trans, but because they chose to be a terrible person. Because being trans does not make a person bad! Just like it doesn't for all sorts of demographic groups. But if we're too busy using the rhetoric of those that want to reinforce strict and abusive hierarchies, guess what? We'll never be accepted! To all the TERFs, transphobes and self-hating trans people, go away with that universal "trans community" crap. Allow people to be wrong without blaming all trans people for it!

[boy-gender]

something i wanna mention re: your post about the bots stealing photos, it’s important to note that many of these come from transphobic, exorsexist, and intersexist targeted data breaches and are sourced/scraped from malicious sites/boards like the k-farms.

i’m ace and sex-oscillating (sometimes i’m fine with seeing sexual things sometimes i’m not) and even when i’m at my most sex-repulsed i want everyone to know that the sex workers in the tag are some of our most vulnerable population members (no matter their gender(s) or exact identity/terms) because they’re being targeted by these sites.

idk sorry if this is reiterating your post but you’re the first person i’ve seen mention the importance of “these photos are stolen btw” instead of “oh yucky porn” like. y’all some of these are photos which were only intended for one or two people to see. these workers can now no longer regulate that OR how people interact with them.

they get so much harassment because of stolen photos when it’s been ripped out of their private accounts…. it’s awful

Thank you so much for adding that. I sometimes forget that not everyone is aware of how dangerous sex work, even purely online not in person sex work, is. I should have emphasized more that sex workers are not the danger; they're largely *in* danger.

And not just of being harassed, having their material stolen, or being targetted, but also by the death of internet privacy and net neutrality. Bills like fosta-sesta, and it's successor kosa- which is moving forward as we speak- are steadily erasing protections for anyone who creates nsfw content anywhere on the internet. It removes software and data tracking that allow sex workers to vet their johns before they interact with them, especially if they're going to meet up in person, and that data was one of the CHIEF ways human traffickers are found and arrested, and their victims tracked down.

KOSA isn't just a danger to fandom- though it is *also* a danger to fandom- but to very real people doing a job as old as time. Outlawing the expression of sexual materials is never going to stop sexual activity, it just forces it to be done in the dark, where sex workers, a large chunk of whom are queer, are at increased risk of being harmed, killed, or losing their ability to make a living.

One of the things I said in my post was that sexual materials belong on tumblr like they belong anywhere. Some people may point to the fact that that's no longer allowed under the terms of service- regardless of what tumblr "clarifies," they still ban it, especially from trans people. I was here before then. I was here when net neutrality still existed. And I am going to continue to operate under those attitudes until the end of days. I don't post sexually explicit materials myself, but I am never going to tattle on people who do, and people who do report those real users (not the bots) to staff disgust me.

If you're sex repulsed, I get it. I'm personally repulsed by the smell of pomegranate perfume. It's a trigger for me. But I am responsible for my feelings- it wouldn't be right to demand everyone everywhere stop wearing pomegranate perfume, and by going in public, I run the risk that I will bump into someone wearing it. I will have to remove myself from that situation.

And the same is true for if you don't like sexual content. You are responsible for what you do with those feelings. It's okay to have them; you can feel however you want about sex! But it's not okay to demand that other people cease harmlessly expressing themselves to conform to your feelings, and it's not okay to act like a fucking cop and purposely try to interfere with their job because you have the ick and don't approve.

Sex work is labor. Sex workers having ways to protect themselves and others is as close to "unionizing" as sex work gets. Stop interfering with what are basically their labor regulations. Block and move the fuck on!!

Do report the bots though. For SPAM. For STEALING MATERIALS. Not for the sex.

[lets-all-calm-down-a-bit]

so, i don’t wanna come off as like rude or anything when i ask this, but i saw your post and it was about like the lesboys one ? i understood the rest of the points, but i just got stuck on that one. i want to educate myself, but i don’t want to get like blocked, and i can’t find anyone that i think will be able to accurately tell me like you would, again sorry if this comes off as rude, i just really want to educate myself <3

Yeah! No problem I'd be happy to explain. But first I would recommend you follow @genderkoolaid because ey are an awesome blog to check out if you're interested about queer intersextionality and/or history!

So I'll start off with the most basic, cut and dry reasons. Many people who identify as lesboys, boydykes, or he/him lesbians, have a complex relationship with gender. Some are bigender, intersex, nonbinary, or even transmasc. Denying them the right to explain their identity in the best way they can, is petty and pointless. (And both intersexist and exorsexist)

Labels within the queer community are purely there to best explain your own life experiences. It's going to be different for everyone. Historically many butch lesbians have opted for masc pronouns or gotten jiggy with their gender fuckery, and i find that awesome! Transsexuality is intertwined with butchness in a way that cant be untangled, and shouldn't be! not every butch lesbian is trans. a lot aren't. But some are! And there are a lot of records of that being a common identity in the past.

Ok now to go a bit more in depth. Time for some abstract thinking!

So gender is a social construct, right? It's an infinite spectrum that can be contradictory or overlapping, and really it's all bullshit we made up socially. That's pretty widely agreed on in queer (and scientific) spaces. However, if gender is a construct, then so is sexuality. We can't say "well these social labels are complex and infinite but THESE social labels that coincide with the other ones aren't." Its like saying "Hey this rule is dumb so we should ignore it," but when someone ignores it in a context you don't like, saying, "Hey wait no. Don't ignore the rule in THAT way. I meant only in the ways I find socially acceptable."

Alright lets get grounded again. no more galaxy brained thinking.

The most important thing to remember is that if someone else's identity doesn't make sense to you, it doesn't matter! that's how they identify. It doesn't affect you. Kindness and acceptance means being around people you don't understand sometimes. If someone isn't hurting other people, then who cares!!! we're all just animals on this earth anyway. What does it matter if they aren't hurting anyone? It's only harming the community to start fights about things like this.

Ok now I've been blabbering, and I'm not the expert on everything, so here are some links to posts better explaining some things here (some of them have links to very informative articles)! I hope this helps :]

[pekkhum]

TME/TMA are already BS, because bigots actually don't care about your identity, so long as they can hate. Even if they were valid, they'd basically be shorthand for either trans inclusive bioessentialism, or the AMAB/AFAB bioessentialism, which are both just plain sexist/genderist bigotry, even if the sex or gender binaries were real. Given that neither sex nor gender is binary, they manage to be totally wrong, irrelevant, and pointless.

If you are asking someone's sex in any way, you are already being a bioessentialist bigot.

If you are doing it to police their "transness" or gender, you are being an anti-trans bigot (yes, even if trans).

If you insist sex is binary, or that any person must somehow be bucketed into "the nearest valid sex," you aren't just an intersexist bigot, you are also measurably and provably wrong.

If you think that a gender needs to be far enough from the sex before taking a person seriously, you are being an exorsexist bigot and a bioessentialist bigot.

If you need to know someone's sex in order to figure out how you feel about them, or whether they are worthy of you, somehow, that's just classic sexist bigotry.

If you think you deserve a detailed explanation of someone else's gender, you are wrong. The most they owe you is their pronouns, before they can be mad at you for not using them. Gender is an incredibly complicated personal experience that isn't always easy to put into words and can be exhausting when each person you meet demands that you make them understand. Worse, they may at any point choose to attack you for your explanation. Leave them be and respect their pronouns (yes, even it or xe or ze or... anything else).

It turns out that you can just be respectful to everyone, allowing them to share their struggles, just as you may share yours, and you avoid a number of forms of bigotry impacting several different communities! And that's before we get to the fact that people who say "trans people are not responsible for educating cis people" should also be educating themselves about intersex people and the many other communities surrounding them.

If you want a society of enlightened empathy and respect, do your part to make it.

i thought we all agreed that identity policing is wrong a long time ago, so why do so many people who consider themselves to be trans allies suddenly lose this energy for intersex people. intersex people do not owe it to you to explain their gender, condition or identity to you in any way, and they especially do not owe it to you to tell you if therye "AMAB" or "AFAB" and it is exceptionally strange to expect intersex people to neatly fall into TME and TMA categories when our bodies often do not meet societal expectations of gender and often face discrimination for not performing gender "correctly" in the exact same way trans people face

[caffeineandsociety]

Another thing about different gendered forms of transphobia is, if you're about to say "[xyz act of transmisogyny] NEVER happens to trans men or [presumed] AFAB NBs" or "[abc act of transandrophobia] NEVER happens to trans women or [presumed] AMAB NBs" or "[uvw act of exorsexism/binarism/intersexism] NEVER happens to binary perisex trans people"-

You are wrong. I guarantee you that you're wrong.

Gendered forms of transphobia and intersexism are gendered by PRIMARY target, not by EXCLUSIVE target. Whether because someone misreads your gender, or just because someone feels like using a certain framework, or whatever other reason, people can and DO, regularly, attack with whatever is convenient.

The bathroom predator stereotype was invented to attack trans women, but if a men's restroom is all urinals + one broken stall and there's a trans man who can't stand to pee, do you really think people are going to look at him in the women's room and go "go right ahead and use that toilet unbothered, fellow vulva-haver, you pass the vibe check, love your style, have a great night~!"? No! They're going to be just as shitty to him as they will be to any trans woman they clock! Hell, they'll be just as bad to butches regardless of ASAB, or even just to cis women with features they consider too sharp!

The tragic grooming victim force-transed by Big Pharma stereotype was invented to delegitimize trans men, but do you think the transphobic mother of a 9-year old trans girl isn't going to use it to wrestle her daughter back under her thumb and bar her from taking puberty blockers? Of course not! She's going to hop on that stereotype and ride it into the sunset to spin any way she abuses her kid as "tough love" and "cult deprogramming" and "saving" her!

And intersexism/exorsexism/binarism? Friends, I hate to break it to you, but all trans people are treated as gender-confused freaks who fail at being BOTH men and women, regardless of whether we're actually nonbinary or not - what gender are we? Whatever is convenient to demonize us at the moment, regardless of whether or not it's ACTUALLY part of our identity. Trans men who do not pass perfectly (and in fact many who do) are degendered, assigned "nonbinary" because Real Men Don't Look Like That, and then made into all of those horrible transphobic jokes about nonbinary people really just being the worst misogynistic stereotypes of ditzy bimbo not-like-other-girls girls who just want to be special and are simultaneously incapable of taking anything seriously or accomplishing anything as activists but also SOMEHOW able to overwhelm and devastate the entire community of REAL, DESERVING queers who are REALLY oppressed unlike them. Do we not remember that one Reductress headline? They/Them Pronouns Suddenly Easy For Person Misgendering Trans Woman? Do you think the trans woman being misgendered in such a situation is NOT being cast as the butt of exorsexist, intersexist, binarist garbage?

We're all in this mess together. Bigots don't draw neat lines in the sand that never get crossed, however much they like to say that's their purpose. We should stop trying to do their job for them.

[this-is-exorsexism]

exorsexism is being bigender and being tired of people trying to shove me back into a dichotomy.

why do you want me to pick between "trans" and "cis" when i fit both descriptions? why do you want me to pick between "masculine" and "feminine", especially if you're going to make me use transitioning terminology, when I am moving towards both in a distinctly queer way. I've yet to see any argument against transmascfem / transfemmasc and transandrogynous people that isn't exorsexist, intersexist, and assumes so much about my body/life/childhood/hormones/chromosomes/and so much essentialist bs like that.

I am tired of people telling me I must be neutral, I am not neutral or even nonbinary. I am both points on the binary and I am shattering it. I am uniting the masculine and the feminine, the male and the female.

Then to have people tell me I can't label my orientation because I am both? Can't be gay because I'm also a lady, ignore my fiance and my whole teen history I guess, can't use Uranic because it's a "divisive microlabel", can't call myself "Straight" because it's internalized.... something, can't combine any existing labels because that's "nonsense". I just want to love men, and I've found one who can love both of me and all of me. I won't pretend to be Mspec for your comfort. Why can't you love me like he does?

I am tired of people telling me I have no orientation by policing me out of any and all language I try to use. Can't be aspec either, or they can't fetishize me as a bigendered trans person (and we can't have that). (sarcasm)

Exorsexism is coming out and feeling the same pressure from your queer siblings that you feel from the "outside". Exorsexism is wondering if you should just lie about who you are and who you love to your "community", because I don't know if I can stand getting shoved in the closet again. I don't care how pretty or progressive your language is while you tell me why it's bad for me to be Bigender, because we have to uphold THIS binary, THIS dichotomy, or everything will collapse and it'll all be MY fault for being greedy and not "choosing a side".

This is exorsexism and I'm sick of it.

this is exorsexism.

[the-delta-quadrant]

NON-ABLEIST ALTERNATIVES TO "PHOBIA" WHEN REFERRING TO OPPRESSION

this post is NOT here for a "debate" on whether calling oppression a "phobia" is ableist or not (it is) and "debate" and ableism apology will be blocked. this is a post of the many non-ableist options there are to talk about oppression. choose one.

-MISIA

examples: JKR is transmisic. they're struggling with internalised fatmisia.

"-misia" comes from the greek word for hate and it's already used in other oppression terms like misogyny. out of all the options, it's the most similar one to "-phobia" grammatically. there is no agreed upon noun for someone who is -misic, though i have seen -miser, -misist and simply -misic used for that.

examples: JKR is a transmiser. transmisics are having a go under my youtube shorts. some transmisist insulted me.

ANTI-

examples: anti-aceness is detrimental to aces' mental health. transmedicalism is inherently anti-nonbinary.

"anti-" means "against" and it's already commonly used when it comes to lawmaking, so it's intuitive. there is, however, no noun to refer to someone who is anti-.

-ANTAGONISM

examples: amatonormativity is aro-antagonistic. bi-antagonism is still common in queer spaces. the weight loss industry is full of fat-antagonists.

"antagonism" refers to hatred and hostility.

-NEGATIVITY

examples: using "gay" as an insult is homonegative. i have encountered transnegativity in the medical field.

this suffix is pretty self-explanatory. it also complements "-positivity" which is often used to describe affirmation of a marginalised group. there isn't really a noun to refer to someone who is -negative, but you could just say "-negatives".

example: transnegatives are ruining our community.

-HOSTILITY

examples: transhostility is on the rise. expecting fat people to hide our bodies is fathostile.

another self-explanatory one, and another one without a noun to call -hostile people, but once again, you can just use the adjective as a noun. example: there were a lot of homohostiles at my school.

-HATE

examples: IGM is a manifestation of intersex-hate. pan-haters think bi is the only valid label for multi-attraction.

this is another very straight-forward one, although there isn't really an adjective to refer to something or someone who exhibits -hate. maybe -hating or -hateful.

examples: banning transition for minors is trans-hateful. TERFs are trans-hating misogynists.

-ISM

"-ism" as a suffix for oppression is already known from terms like ableism, racism, classism or sexism.

a list of "-ism" terms:

if something is anti-gay, it is heterosexist.

if something is anti-bi/mspec, it is monosexist.

if something is anti-trans, it is cissexist.

if something is anti-ace/aro, it is allosexist.

if something is anti-intersex, it is intersexist or perisexist.

if something is anti-nonbinary, it is exorsexist.

if something is anti-fat, it is sizeist.

no excuses for ableism.

[goat-moth-thing]

i feel the need to clarify, i am not saying trans women are uniquely intersexist. i'm more trying to point out how the opinions of a few exorsexist trans women's are valued over the opinions of nonbinary people hurt by this slur

i'd also like to mention, i've seen quite a few self proclaimed "TME" parroting the view that this slur is harmless and people are just being overly sensitive, while simultaneously claiming their support for trans women

so, this one goes out to everyone, regardless of identity. being transphobic to one group and not another still makes you a transphobe. if you call nonbinary people you don't like "theyfabs" you are a transphobe.

why does a trans woman's opinion on the slur theyfab matter more than the people affected by it. why do you valuena trans woman's opinion over the people being hurt by this slur

[yharnamsnewslug]

The reason why y'all don't want us to talk about transandrophobia is because your simple black and white worldview of women=good, man=bad, nonbinary=basically women so good unless amab, too deep in medical transition or just not attractive/feminine enough for me.

Like........ we know you're transphobic. And deep inside you know it, too, and you want to ignore it because ignoring it is easier than to shatter so many other beliefs you have that rely on this narrative you've built.

But I promise you can care for women while also not being a raging transphobe and exorsexist. And very probably intersexist and transmisogynistic at the same time lmao.