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monoshah · 6 years ago

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My Graduation Instagram Post

I don’t have one.

As I finish college and look back at everything I’ve learned, I don’t reckon an Instagram photo with a $400 rented graduating suit (which, I’m more likely to only wear once) can do any justice. It does not have the capacity to accurately depict one’s experience- the failures, flourishes, roadblocks, and what not. So, how does one thank and appreciate one’s experience after four years?

The people (also, to be honest - I don’t think I can afford that graduation suit anyway).

Think about it- regardless of whatever experience you were a part of, it’s likely that people were a part of it. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned all these years is that it’s people that we need, people to share our deepest fears with, people to work with, and rather most importantly- people to love.

We learn from people, not only from our experiences and interactions with them, but also their stories- why they do what they do, what are their irrational fears and why they think they have them, what they’d do if money wasn’t an option, etc.

In a very real sense, it’s being and listening to the people we call friends and family, that can help us learn through their own examples.

My favorite book, Meditations, is a personal journal of one of the most powerful and influential Roman emperors, Marcus Aurelius. It’s a collection of his thoughts, feelings, and actions. In the first few pages of the book, however, he writes about everything his friends and family have taught him:

- “ From my great-grandfather: not to have attended schools for the public; to have had good teachers at home, and to realize that this is the sort of thing on which one should spend lavishly. - (From my first teacher): Not to support this side or that in chariot-racing, this fighter or that in the games. To put up with discomfort and not make demands. To do my own work, mind my own business, and have no time for slanderers. - (From Rusticus) To read attentively-not to be satisfied with “just getting the gist of it.” And not fall for every smooth talker. - (From Sextus) … To show intuitive sympathy for friends, tolerance to amateurs and sloppy thinkers. His ability to get along with everyone: Sharing his company was the highest of compliments. - (From Maximus) … The sense he gave of staying on the path rather than being kept on it”

In a similar fashion, here’s my attempt to make a list of everything I’ve learned from the people I met at college.

To give them credit, I will put their initials here.

Regardless of whether or not you recognize your name on here- thank you.

-P.R: To be nice. To, at times, go out of your way to help individuals. To understand and know that life is harsh and serious, but despite of it (or rather because of it) be playful, like a child, and not take everything too seriously. To appreciate humor and acknowledge its importance in making life less serious and more fun. To be nice, but not stupid and develop some wisdom to understand the difference.

-M.A: To believe in love, despite past failings. To make your partner feel special, to flirt with sophistication and not creep. The sense he had of always making his girlfriend feel special, by writing songs and letters for her, cooking, being there for her, but not loosing his own edge. In a way: to practice adolescence love, but keeping your self esteem intact, so you don’t loose yourself in the process. More importantly: to not expect anyone else to love and appreciate you, but doing that to yourself, for yourself.

-H.H: To never judge someone by first impression, and instead: inquire about someone’s character with curiosity and compassion. To show kindness to the opposer, and understand that no one is inherently evil.

—A.J: To stay on the path, and believe in one’s dream, whatever that may be. To acknowledge that being an artist is first about soul and personal growth, and then about the money. The practice; always going back to the practice and doing it daily. To understand that art isn’t created through name and fame, but rather, through discipline, consistency and feedback. To be OK with finding a source of income in a more lucrative industry, but always going back home- to the practice, to the art. To be willing to give away art for those in need.

-K.R: To be willing to acknowledge mental illness and be OK with it, to be daring and courageous to seek help when needed, and most remarkably: to not be afraid of crying, and instead: let go, to always let go. To know that everyone is living in their own little dark bubble, because of which, it’s important to be cheerful, not to fake it, but instead appreciate how humorously sad life is. And most importantly: to love.

-S.S: To let silence do the talking. To not tell the entire world about one’s plan, but rather focus on executing it, so the world can be a better place. To be cautious of buying luxury items and wait for at least 30 days to notice if it’s still needed, and if it’s: then maintain that item and appreciate its application, not with addiction, but admiration and curiosity,

-F.K: To implement cheerful despair; know that it’s OK to not take oneself too seriously, and be willing to laugh at oneself with ease and openness. To acknowledge and speak about personal problems to friends and family, and ask for help when needed. To forgive those who’ve harmed you, and know that it wasn’t their intention to, and that forgiveness, in a sense, is the best revenge one can partake.

-N.W: To always help the naive, and know that it’s the best place to be, because it opens doors for curiosity and creativity. To know that understanding is not a given, and so, one has to go above and beyond when prompted, to make someone understand one’s craft. To find humor and sadness in noticing how most of us do things to keep our families together, not necessarily for the love of It, and despite knowing that: being humble and grateful for every day.

-A.R: To be nice and always assume that the person one is speaking to is having a rough day, so there can be kindness and compassion. To take particular notice when someone helps you and thank them for it, and make sure they’re recognized. To encourage inspiration and participation.

-J.B: To be OK with being an empath, and feeling what other’s are feeling, and share it with them. If that’s excitement, to be excited. If it’s sadness, then show them some compassion and understanding, and hope that they feel better soon. To take a whole lot of pride in one’s work and always look at the bigger picture by asking how their work is likely to impact the affected party 3-5 years from now.

-A.A (CEO of a company I used to work for): To not let money and fame change you, and to always live simply, despite one’s wealth. To avoid luxuries If not absolutely required, and acknowledge that rich and precious items have the capacity to affect people’s characters. To know that living a simple life void of many luxuries is not about saving money, rather, it’s a way to stay in tune with the world, to understand people’s problems, so, solutions can be built. To work, but not for results, but for enjoying the process of simply doing one’s job. And most importantly: to always keep one’s mission at heart while making life or industry changing decisions.

-R.L: To reward people for their efforts, vocally, so they know they’re appreciated. To have a serene and sound mind, especially in times of distress and paranoia. Whenever I made errors and apologized, she’d always say: “oh that’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. We’re all just learning here”. She always took notice in my accomplishments, and reminded me of it whenever things seemed rough. From the many things I’ve learned form her, what sticks out most is the kindness she displayed, every single day.

-Z.G: To keep yourself grounded, despite what other’s say. To never let your ego or lack of self esteem get the best of you, and acknowledge that none of us are inherently great, neither do we suck, the goal, then, is to keep oneself at an equilibrium: stable. To not be distracted when someone calls you a “nerd” or “geek”, and instead, know that you’re just curious to find better, faster, and more efficient solutions. To always keep learning more, not for results, but to enjoy the process.

-P.P: To appreciate and acknowledge the privilege and freedom acting provides. To try to be playful, always, despite one’s age, and understand that acting like a kid is not a sign of vulnerability, but strength. It shows that we’re willing to look past the visible dark sides of life, and enjoy some much needed cheerful despair. To go out of your way to teach someone your craft. And most importantly: to laugh aloud, a lot.

-K.B: To work very hard and make less excuses. To speak one’s heart out whenever appropriate, and always appreciate the present moment: things, she said, could always be worse. To not get lost in the awe of social media decoration, and keep coming back to the path.

-J.J: To acknowledge and appreciate amateurs, instead of ignoring them. To dedicate yourself completely to the craft, and only then devote time and resources in other endeavors. To be extremely cautious of ego and acknowledge the effect it can have on one’s character, which, is the only thing one can truly own; not physique or beauty or status, only character.

-L.S: To be ridiculously kind to people, especially the ones who weren’t necessarily brought up in the same culture as you were, or, who don’t necessarily speak the same language as you do. To love gently, openly, and understand that everything is in a constant flux, especially love, and so it’s impossible to force someone to stay. Most importantly: to always forgive, not forget.

-R.K.S: To be okay and willing to laugh at yourself, not preceded by low self esteem or confidence, but rather: playfulness. To immerse yourself in other cultures and be curious about its everyday doings, to not judge but watch

-R.K.S II: To speak up for the minority, and be okay with being the only one doing so.

-R: To be extremely kind and curious with new friends, and always assume that they too, just like oneself, have lived a tough life. To be a very welcoming and loving host. To never assume that you’re the only one going through something, and use external resources to figure out why it’s that you behave in a certain way. To use personality tests with caution.

-J.C: To always practice humility with confidence, that is: be content and proud with ones work but always keep striving for something better. Regardless of the level of experience or fame, he had this tendency of always rooting for the underdogs, not necessarily to quadruple the feeling of victory, but, rather more importantly: to always go back and enjoy the process. To always respect the perseverance of ones craft, and know that the greats weren’t born great, they worked for it; to use this very knowledge to be humble and on the path.

-S.E: To be kind for no reason at all, and always assume that somebody is having a bad day. To make people feel welcomed by helping them relate, because that is what we all truly seek: a connection, a tribe that helps us belong and make sense of the world. When asked questions, he had this incredible ability to pause, think, and then respond. To hug whoever you meet and truly believe in the power of theatre.

-M: To observe and be extremely cautious about forming opinions about something one has little to no experience in. He seemed to have such a unique ability to listen, like really listen.

-Y.B: His dedication and commitment to his craft, and this habit of lays coming back to that feeling one gets when they’re doing something they love. At the same time, however, understanding that regardless of how much one likes or dislikes a craft, one has to go through drudgery in order to get good or great at something.

-S.B: To practice joyful kindness and be grateful for the friends one has. To not waste a lot of time gossiping or arguing with people, and instead: be very generous. It seemed to me that he knew the importance of prioritizing action over words, and so, disliked getting into pity arguments. Out of everything, however, if there’s one thing I picked up from him, it would be his incredible ability to smile, even when shit doesn’t go your way. To laugh at the absurdity that is life. That joyful attitude did not, as one might mistaken, come from continued ignorance. Instead: it seemed to be rooted from a rather existential understanding that for most of us, life is pretty sad and unfair, so why fucking worry about the results, as long as you’re focused on mastering the process with consistency and persistence?

-A.J: She embodied the whole “work hard, play hard” attitude and helped me realize the incredible power each one of us has, which can be exercised through a tough work ethic. At the same time however, she seemed to be very careful about not letting ego get the best of her, and so, never flaunted about the number of hours she spent on a project. All that energy was brilliantly used in focusing and zeroing on the task at hand. With all that work, regardless of what the results were, she taught me how to celebrate them: like really celebrate them.

-S.Y: To, at times, go out of your way for a friend, not for a returned favor, but more for having the incredible opportunity for making someone’s life easier. I’ve had the privilege to be her friend since four years now, and if I had to pin down one thing that I learned, it would be her kindness. She has this unique ability to make someone else’s problem her, and easily relate to anyone new she meets.

-R.P: To never be satisfied with initial impressions and always be willing to dig deeper. To appreciate and practice undisturbed work, by shutting down all channels of communication and solely focusing on the task at hand.His openness to new experiences makes him not just diversified, but on a rather more human level: more kinder. That kindness, then, helps him become a critical thinker. To always do what’s right, at least intend to, and so, think about what “right” might actually entail. I’m someone who doesn’t trust people too easily, but I will trust this man with my life.

-I.J: To be grateful for the gifts fortune gives you (like natural beauty), but be cautious and willing to live without it, for fortune chooses her friends and enemies at random. She has an incredible ability of sorts, to go through difficult times and come out a different, more stronger person. She taught me how to maintain a healthy self esteem, how to be confident when approaching an attractive party, and always take a chance, another go at life. If you’re reading this: thank you for taking care of me and being my moral support, when I needed it the most.

-K.H: That straight-forward German way of saying something, instead of beating around endlessly at the bush. She taught me how the importance of having quiet confidence, not just to maintain a healthy self-esteem, but also to take criticism well: by listening and being open to be certified constructively. Also, the importance of saying no to additional project requests and instead focusing on the task at hand.

-A:P:To acknowledge if you’ve been born into a privileged home, and appreciate that, but also try to get out of that comfort zone and notice the real world. His almost crazy habit to say yes to the most insane requests, like traveling from Sevilla to Gibraltar in a bike at five in the morning, or going to Chile for six months to work in a bank. His hospitality: welcoming, kind, but not submissive. Experiencing his friendship taught me how important it’s to get out in the real world, not necessarily to forget the problems at home, but to observe how there IS a world outside of one’s family, one’s problems, and that world runs everyday, despite how bad it gets.

-C.P: Her unshakable confidence in herself and her team. She taught me how to speak with kindness and authority, without projecting a lot of one side. Her playfulness; not like a kid, but more a teenager. The unique ability she seemed to possess, of reading and understanding other people, and then, using that to get to a common goal.

-A.L: His sincerity. His ability to stay true to his task and do it with patience, dedication, and persistence, with zero sign of ego. He hated his job, but after deducing an end date, he showed up to work everyday and did his task regardless; the importance of duty. His persistence during times of failure, one, in which, he wouldn’t attempt doing the task again without critically thinking about what went wrong.

-H.H: She taught me the importance of doing something vs solely talking about it all the time. Her generosity: straight forward, dutiful, kind, and without any expectations. Her ability to care for a friend deeply. The way she cooked Pasta: with care, precision, and a sense of mindfulness. It was the same old recipe, but it was her process that made the meal all the more delicious. The way she spoke about her ex lovers: with gratefulness, not mere regret. Her wonderful habit of respecting food in different ways: by cooking it (instead of microwaving), sitting on the dinner table (instead of in front of a TV) , and always trying to invite someone to share her meal with.

-M.G: To ask for help, work for companionship, and put yourself out there as opposed to expecting things to happen automatically. To not let personal problems affect your work and welcome new perspectives and people with an open arm. Her ability to deal with ugly situations: with a lot of gentlest and kindness. And most importantly, the way she moved on from difficult relationships by forgiving (not forgetting) and learning to love again without any assumptions, biases, or judgements. Her openness to love deeply.

-T.M: His ability to make sense out of things that don’t make sense, through art. How he used his struggles to choreograph performances, not just to inspire others, but get closure himself. His kindness: so genuine and gentle. He taught me how to make drama for social activism, not by answering, but rather asking more questions. The journey he took us on made us all realize how wonderful it feels to heal scars through the stage, by performing, asking questions, daring to speak up, to listen, and most importantly: to be open to a transformation and initiate that yourself. He taught us how to change our relationship with the past: to not run away from it, or hide it, or regret it, but rather to embrace and respect it. One time during rehearsals, he asked us to draw a map of our bodies on a long white sheet of paper and mark our emotional/physical scars on it. Then, he held it up on a board and said: “This is your past. You know what’s the best thing about it? No one, not even Fucking God can take that away from you. So, embrace these scars, think about how they’ve changed you or how you’ve changed them.” His generosity.

-P.H: His humility. Despite being “popular”, he never let his ego get the best of him, and made every performance of his, special. This one time, we worked on a show together and I noticed how present he was in everything he did, not just during positive or neutral situations, but (rather more importantly) also during negative ones. His ability to focus most of his energy in doing a task vs simply talking about it. Working with him taught me how to embrace your scars, be proud of them, and more importantly to allow others to embrace theirs by giving them space.

-M.B: Her undying dedication to the craft. Her simple way of living, she always seemed to be someone who filled her life selectively with only things that she really enjoyed doing. To her, fame was just another kind of “fluff” she tried to stay out from and instead - focused all of her energy into professional and personal interests. Her incredible ability to listen deeply to someone, not just what they’re saying but also what they’re trying to hide, through body language. Her presence - so gentle and kind. The way she spoke, very selectively and only when it was required.

-A.B: Her kindness, even, and perhaps especially during times of personal distress. Her ability to work with others - with a lot of kindness and genuine curiosity. From her, I learned how important it’s to listen deeply to others and acknowledge their struggles and perseverance.

-P.Z: To invest in oneself and believe in self-care. He taught me how important it’s to be there for yourself, to be your own lover first (before hoping for someone else to take that role), to be proud and content with one’s accomplishments. His fearless ability to speak up and clearly voice out his opinions and needs. His way of living - gentle and kind, with a ton of compassion for himself and others. Thank you for teaching me the importance of being kind to yourself.

-T.K: His persistence on never taking anything by face value, and always questioning the norm. Sometimes, he’d disagree just to create a new perspective. His fearlessness, especially against authority. His ability to think deeply and consider multiple perspectives before taking a decision. His rhetoric - straight, plain, without any sugar coating. Despite his strong work personality, he stayed true to being a good friend, someone who is kind, thoughtful, and extremely caring. Before having the opportunity to work alongside him, it was extremely difficult for me to say no, or, to go against the norm, but he taught me how to do that gracefully without fear. Being his friend helped me become bolder, helped me voice out my opinions, and helped me differentiate between fluff and value at work and in my personal life.

-M.W: His ability to decipher what the right thing to do would be, in any given situation, and willingness to always stick to that, no matter what the majority does or says. His way of being a friend - kind, gentle, authentic, and yet very light hearted. Despite being highly skilled in some areas and possessing a rather strong work ethic, he never held that as a label and instead acted generously to everyone, even amateurs. His hospitality - so welcoming and kind, and yet so free. I had the incredible opportunity to stay with his family for a couple of days and they showed me how important it is to do certain things together, as a family, like prepare, cook, and eat meals. I also observed how, despite being a family, each one of them lived their own separate lives (something that is rare in the collectivist culture I come from).

-K.B: To be grateful for everything fate gives you and acknowledge that things could always be worse. Her unshakeable kindness, always ready to make someone’s day better. The way she embodied the whole “work hard, play hard” motto, always willing and able to let go and be in the moment, enjoying the now.

-P.S: His networking ability, how he’d not only embrace but actually love small talk. As someone who hates talking to people, he taught me why it’s so important to learn how to network to listen, and most importantly - initiate meaningful conversations that are important and beneficial to both parties. His kindness - always willing to determine what “he”, as an individual would do in a particular situation and questioning that to grow. His character and willingness to do the right thing, to not fall for instant gratification, and always willing to take responsibility for his actions. His unshakeable confidence, so bold and yet - gentle, not aggressive.

-N.K: The way she lived a life without any superficial filters. Her straightforward way of giving feedback, so as to save time and develop something empathetic and great. Working with her made me realize how important and wonderful it’s to not limit oneself to a particular career or skill, and instead - always be curious to figure out how things work. She taught me how doable it can be, especially today, to learn anything. Her patience and kindness made me learn a very lucrative skill - to create something from scratch.

-E.K: Her almost perfect ability to balance work and life. She made me realize how impactful introverts can actually be, especially today when the world is so noisy. She also helped me learn how to set proper boundaries when it comes to work, and while the rest of the team worked weekends from home, she’d always leave her laptop at the office on Fridays, promising herself to not look at it until Monday morning. Her compassion and generosity to deeply care for someone, especially her pet chickens. The way she tackled big projects with crisp perfect organization. Her belief and willingness to reinvent herself inspired me to dream big and realize that hardly anyone in this world got to where they wanted to be by walking on a straight path, instead - they made their own paths with imagination, perseverance, and work ethic.

-H.P: His simple way of living life - despite being in charge of a valuable and famous organization, he never let ego get the best of him. His simple attire and a minimal regard to anything else but his work and his colleagues , it made me learn how powerful it can be to live a minimalistic life. Despite being in a senior level position, he seemed to be always willing to help in small, trivial tasks; he’d come early every morning to refill all the coffee pots, so that everyone at work could get a cup. His generosity and ability to really listen and feel your pain.

-M: His willingness to learn new things despite getting older - with as much enthusiasm and curiosity as a young college student. Learning with him taught me how wonderful it’s to be naturally curious. As a 42 year old veteran with a family, who worked part-time as a pediatrician and attended school to become an investment banker, he exemplified how wonderful and rewarding it can be to just learn.

Misc Shoutouts/ Mentions

I’ve always been fascinated by people who call themselves “self-made”; no matter how much struggle one goes through, I think we always owe some gratitude to other people who’ve helped us (knowingly or unknowingly). Here’s a list of those people:

- I’m grateful for my parents for taking a chance and always believing in me, and for doing the best in their power to raise me - Thank You J.B, for always believing in me and my potential, especially when I wasn’t confident about myself - Thank You R.L for letting me go home early that one summer, just so I could visit my family and friends - Thank You S.E for inviting me to your Theatre community with open hands and showing me what an incredible honor it’s, to be a part of one - Thank You J.C and P.M for encouraging me to pursue acting more seriously and J.B for showing me how to do so, after college - Thank You R for letting my crash at your place that one summer when my apartment didn’t have air conditioning - Thank You S.Y for always being there, even when I didn’t replicate the same friendship during times of crisis - Thank You R.P for getting me home food and letting me eat it, despite knowing that I’d finish the entire box in a day - Thank You P.R for showing me how to worry less about everything, especially the future, and instead just focus on the task at hand - Thank You S.J for exemplifying courage and teaching how how not to fall for every project or opportunity - Thank you K for always being there for me - Thank you M.W for letting me use all of those meal swipes, especially when I needed it the most - Thank you T.K for always challenging me and always encouraging me to take the hard, less traveled, but more rewarding path - Thank you T.M for making me believe in the power of performance and encouraging me to never leave the path of the stage - Thank You D.T for helping me face my inner demons, and for providing a safe space for me to speak about them without judgement - Thank You A.B for being the best scene partner ever - Thank You M for being super patient and for teaching me finance that one semester - Thank you for all those people who told me they’d pray for me, during times of crises

Closing Words

Education and learning, to me at least, are not conditional. That is - I don’t think one has to have something or know someone to learn. Even the poorest one of us can learn something from our experience, and although I’m departing the classroom, I promise to stay on the path instead of being kept on it.

I don’t reckon anyone will reach here, but if you did- thank you.

See you on the other side.

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