#also jonesy his name yeah

[lizaisdrawing]

My friend says they wanna kiss human Jonesy lol (don’t know if they were given a name)

Tell ur friend to get behind me, I was here first‼️

[soupbabe]

Okay so what about the Sinclair bros with a gn!S/O that really loves animals? Like they’ll come home and be like “I found these cats/dogs, can we keep them?” Even though they already have one (ily jonesy). Cause that’s gonna be me in the future lmao

The Sinclairs with an S/o that Loves Animals

I loved writing this! Def gets sillier as we go down to each Sinclair

Tagging: @rottent33th, @slaasherslut, @the-pinstriped-hood, @devil-doll13, @bugginbeetlew

Vincent Sinclair

- Okay okay hear me out: he's probably the most stern when it comes to not keeping around animals

- Even if they're cute and you look cute with them, someone around here has to put their foot down

- He just knows that you just want more you can handle 🤷

- But he's not a total downer, he'll help put out leftovers for the strays that come by

- Plus he likes studying them as they come by, it makes for good and quick practice

Bo Sinclair

- Bo wishes he could be as stern as Vincent when it comes to you

- Like yeah he's a pretty stubborn guy, but you show him a fluffy cat and he's all done

- He'll still act like he doesn't like it, he'll roll his eyes and call it a "thing," but he's going to the pet store once you turn your back

- Bo would want to name it Brutus or some kind of intimidating name, I imagine a whole afternoon dedicated to a heated debate over the name of the new pet

- Catch him being lovey dovey to an animal? No you didn't.

Lester Sinclair

- Are you kidding me? You don't even have to ask if you want to keep the animal

- Literally it doesn't matter what kind of animal it is- could be a literal raccoon and he won't mind

- I think he also makes a habit of bringing in animals too- especially the ones he finds on the road

- He has a good estimate of which ones actually have a chance to make it, so he'll take a quick break at Ambrose to hand them off to you!

- Literally it's the cutest thing, y'all have a whole cabinet filled with first aid for animals and the Vet from the next town over's number on speed dial

[goldielia]

when jack met cassy

a part of: untouchable au

when cassy entered the mclaren garage on sunday to start getting ready for the canadian grand prix, she firstly found their social media admin and one of her closest friends in the paddock, anne.

mclaren had a close-knit group of girls consisting of cassy, anne, her girlfriend sabrina who was one of two team photographers and charlotte, who was a law student currently doing an internship at mclaren.

it had become a routine for the four of them to sit on the step to the pit wall for a second to chat before any grand prix. it was also usually the time cassy got to ask anne about the vip guests of the weekend which she did first things first ever since she missed when tom holland visited.

“uh, there’s not much going on today. some hockey players should show up though, you know, charlie’s brother and them”, anne looped her in while staring at her ipad. “eh, alright.” cassy murmured, slightly disappointed.

with a last tap of her own papaya-coloured high top converse against anne’s white and orange air force she got up to start getting ready for the race.

jack couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. he was going to see his sister again AND his first f1 race. lottie usually worked for mclaren during the summer break of the academic year, being located in cambridge for her studies, so when she invited him to see both her and the race in canada he instantly said yes.

they agreed to meet just before the entrance to the paddock so she could give him, cole and trevor (who she graciously invited as well) their passes. jack had been jittery the whole way there, not having seen his twin since christmas.

leaning onto a lamp post in front of the gate was a blonde girl, wearing black mom jeans, a mclaren t-shirt tucked into them and orange old school vans. he instantly ran towards her, charlotte barely being able to save the binder she held before jack tackled her into a crushingly tight hug that she returned with equal force.

after she’d given cole and trevor a side hug each and handed each of them a garage pass, the group entered through the gate and lottie talked them through the paddock on the way to the mclaren garage.

after she showed them their spots and told them about the screens and headsets she caught up with jack for a bit before a whirlwind of red curls brushed past them, grabbed her wrist and whisked her away to the steps in front of the pit wall where anne and sabrina had claimed their place already.

“charlotte-i-don’t-know-your-middle-name-hughes! tell me your brother’s not the one in the middle, please” cassy looked at charlotte with wide eyes. “uh, my middle name’s ruby, actually. but yeah, that’s jack. left is cole, right is trevor.” charlotte answered, confusion evident on her face.

cassy only groaned, hiding her face in her hands. “are all your brothers that pretty? your parents must be like greek gods or somethin’” she mumbled into her hands. sabrina smirked, looking at them over her shoulder as she was walking back to the garage with anne, both of them having to work some more before the grand prix. “i think our cass just experienced love at first sight”

charlie gasped and smiled teasingly at that, prying cassy’s hands away from her face. “you gonna make a move?“

“would you like, be okay with that? and are you sure he’s single?” “of course i’m okay with that, cass! i’m not blind you know. also he’s been staring at you like ever since you grabbed me.” cassy tore her eyes away from charlie and towards the garage instead.

the pretty boy from earlier, jack hughes as she now knew, was indeed staring at her. “also, he’s definitely single. i can-” charlie’s sentence and cassy’s staring were interrupted by lando’s voice. “jonesy, hughesy, come on we need to do the rule run down!”

fortunately for jack and less so for cassy, her workspace wasn’t far from the guest area. which meant he could watch her and she couldn’t concentrate because she felt his eyes on her.

the grand prix itself wasn’t too eventful, 11th place for oscar and 13th for lando. both cassy and charlie were needed after the race though, to review the penalty lando had gotten for “unsportsmanlike behaviour”.

charlie’s department handled the rules for each grand prix as well as topics like filing lawsuits over penalties. cassy as one of lando’s engineers was tasked with reviewing all the video material she could get her hands on to find something that could have the penalty taken back, or at least reviewed.

on her way to the conference room though, when cassy passed by jack, she slipped a tiny piece of paper into his hand, catching his eyes quickly to smirk at him.

he wanted to chat her up at least but she was rushed along before his brain could form a single word. instead, he opened the note. it read “you’re really pretty. text me?” with a little heart and a number, presumably her phone number on it.

before he could even try folding the paper back up he was already fighting for balance, both cole and trevor having read the note and started teasingly nudging him with their elbows, matching excited grins on their faces.

“did jacky get himself a girlfrieeeend?” trevor sing-songed into his ear. before he could continue though, charlie apprared in front of them, index finger poking jack’s chest.

“i love you but if you fuck this up i’m not guaranteeing for anything” she warned, serious blue eyes drilling into his identical ones to make sure he understood her. he grabbed her hand, eyes just as serious as hers, and spoke “if i find a way to fuck this up, lottie, please make sure i regret it.”

[enbysiriusblack]

as promised when i ate starchaser ice cream. here is some jegulus:

"So Ed's on Saturday, then Jonesy's the week after and on that Tuesday is quidditch at mine, but we might have to change it to yours if we get another gnome infestation. Then the next weekend after that Em's throwing a party but it's at Florence's boyfriend's, and it's for Mary. Oh and then that Friday though, is the match against Puddlemore so we're all meeting up there then going to Benjy's but only if we win, if you wanted to come to that?"

James had started zoning Caradoc out after ten minutes of the boy inviting him to their seemingly endless summer plans, but clapped him on the back nonetheless.

"I'll ask Sirius and get back to you, mate."

Caradoc nodded, "Right, but also we're heading down to Italy the last week of summer cause Jonesy has family there but the family are going to be in England for the week so we'll have the place to ourselves."

James grinned, "Oh, well we'll def be free for that one", he turned to Caradoc, starting to walk backwards with ease, "Do we need to bring much or?"

He was promptly interrupted by a body slamming into him and thudding to the ground.

James whirled around, "Watch where you're walking!"

Regulus black glanced at him with a frown as he stood back up, straightening up his robes and grabbing his bag from the floor.

He began to walk away without a word.

James huffed, turning around and ignoring Caradoc calling his name in confusion.

"Hey Regulus."

"Hello", Regulus muttered, eyes fixated on the ground.

James continued walking by his side, "How are you?" He drawled.

"Fine."

James lifted a hand up to his hair, mussing it up, "Sorry about knocking you over, I guess. Although you should've been looking where you were going."

Regulus frowned directly at him, "You were the one walking backwards."

James rolled his eyes, "Where you heading to then?"

"Class."

James nodded.

"Why are you following me?"

James scoffed at that "I'm not! I'm having a conversation with you."

"Why?"

James shrugged, stuffing his hands into his pockets, "Caradoc started pissing me off."

Regulus finally looked away from James and focused straight ahead to the empty corridor, "I don't know who that is."

James laughed.

"I wasn't making a joke."

"Sure, but it was still funny."

Regulus muttered under his breath, "But it wasn't a joke."

James turned to face Regulus, walking backwards once again.

"If you run into someone else, are you going to leave and follow them next?"

James grinned, "Nah."

Regulus went a little pink at that, and turned to look at his bag.

"I see you carrying that everyday, why do you?" James nodded to the bag.

Regulus glanced up, "It is to carry my school work."

James laughed, "Oh. Can't you just shrink it all and put it in your pocket?"

He reached into his own pocket and pulled out a handful of tiny books and parchment.

Regulus stared at it for a moment before shaking his head, "I hadn't thought of doing that... But it seems quite easy to lose when that small."

James grinned again, "Yeah, I do lose a lot of my work."

Regulus smiled slightly before flattening out his face again.

"This is my classroom", he stood just outside Flitwick's room.

James nodded, "Right. See you around then."

"Yes. Goodbye, Potter."

Neither made to move, staring at each other in silence. James had a small smirk on his face whilst Regulus had made his expression purposefully unreadable.

"Mr Potter!" A yell boomed from across the corridor.

James winced, slowly taking his gaze off Regulus.

"Hey, Minnie."

Mcgonagall came to a stop beside them, "You currently have Potions, do you not?"

James shrugged, glancing down to his arms, "I don't seem to have any potions."

The corner of Regulus' mouth lifted up.

Mcgonagall sighed, "I do not have the patience for your games this morning, Mr Potter. And Mr Black, I'd have expected you to be in class on time."

Regulus nodded quickly, "Yes, I'm sorry, Professor", He gave James a quick glance before opening the door to Charms and heading inside.

"Teaching Mr Black your rulebreaking ways now, are you?"

"Absolutely not, Minnie", James tutted, "He was just telling me about his charms class and I was so intrigued, I just had to go listen in."

Mcgonagall raised an eyebrow in disbelief, "You were intrigued by what you have already learnt last year?"

"Yeah?"

Mcgonagall sighed, "Get to class, Potter. And I better not see you influencing Mr Black again!"

"Fine", James huffed, quickly glancing through the door and waving to Regulus.

Regulus was already looking straight at him.

[depressedboyfailure-kevin]

*sigh* Welcome to the Candy Club.

What do you want?

[ooc will look like this! Also, the rest of this post is out of character :3]

Blog run by @anonymous-artist2

Hi!! New blog, isn't that cool! This one's an ask blog!! For Kevin too!! Actually he's in my brain so he'll be answering the asks when he gets to it!

Here's some info about the blog before we start:

No nsfw asks, only very slightly suggestive. (mod is a minor)

Mod's name is Kevin (I have like 30 other names but here just call me Mod Kevin)

No featured ships but you can send ship asks as long as it's not pro-ship, com-ship, or any gross stuff like that! I may also allow oc x canon ships if we're moots or I like your stuff. (mod multi-ships so yeah :3)

Blog is mainly headcanons (might never post those tho)

Taglist: @jonesy-squish @dexthesilly @mayisgoingnuts (more later)

[persuer-of-wisdom-aide-of-many]

(I am not sure if the video ahead would count as needing a flash warning but just to be safe I'm putting this hear:if you are photosensitive or have epilepsy or any reason to skip past something that has flashing lights and colors please scroll past or pause the video)

"ℑ𝔰 𝔦𝔱 𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔬𝔯𝔡𝔦𝔫𝔤?"

"̶͕̦̟̙̤͚̟̰̿̏͒́͝Y̶͉̟̳̤̿͒̔ë̴̘̓̈́̍̃̓͜s̸͓̠̲̐̓́̔,̶̨̡̤̼̦̮͆̿̔̃̓̈́̚͠ģ̵̝̤͖̫̱̑̍̌̆͘̚͝o̸̳͊͌̏͆͂̒́̚d̸̮͉͒͠ḑ̷̢̩̮̩̻̟̰̉͗a̷̡̫͎̺͙̗̠̿̃͂̕m̵̨̮̤̟͆̎̄͐̏͑́̓m̵̥̫̿̀͗̾̇̊̇͑ȉ̶̼̜̓̊͌̀̓̎̊t̶͔͉̉̽̀̆͠.̷̨̲̬̹͎̐̄̔̃͜"̵͔̠̝͇̂̈͂̅

"𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔟𝔢𝔰𝔱 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔰𝔭𝔢𝔞𝔨 𝔱𝔬 𝔪𝔢 þ𝔞𝔱 ƿ𝔞𝔶,𝔣𝔦𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔨𝔢𝔯."

"̴̢̈́̈́̚̚͠Y̴̡̩̬̪͑̓͆̅͆̈́̈ě̷̥̳̫̦͇̏̓͠ḁ̷̺̰̄̓̀͗̇ͅĥ̴̟̲̌͂ ̸͙̯̑y̴̨̛͊͐̌̏̚ͅe̷͕̥̹̹̮͉̻̽̌̊͑͗̄à̸̰̚ḧ̷̡̠̩́̿̍̀.̴̯̝͍̠̱̯̻̠̅͛̈"̵̣̖̭̔͆̅̃́̇̔͝

"𝔏𝔢𝔱'𝔰 𝔧𝔲𝔰𝔱 𝔤𝔢𝔱 𝔰𝔱𝔞𝔯𝔱𝔢𝔡."

"𝔊𝔯𝔢𝔢𝔱𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔞𝔫𝔡 𝔖𝔞𝔩𝔲𝔱𝔞𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰 𝔟𝔬𝔱𝔥 𝔬𝔩𝔡 𝔫𝔢𝔴 𝔣𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰 𝔞𝔣𝔱𝔢𝔯 𝔞 𝔮𝔲𝔦𝔢𝔱 𝔞 𝔩𝔬𝔫𝔤 𝔰𝔞𝔟𝔟𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔠𝔞𝔩,𝔪𝔶 𝔬𝔯𝔤𝔞𝔫𝔦𝔷𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫 𝔦𝔰 𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔲𝔫𝔡𝔢𝔯 𝔬𝔯𝔦𝔤𝔦𝔫𝔞𝔩 𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔞𝔤𝔢𝔪𝔢𝔫𝔱!ℑ 𝔞𝔪 𝔟𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔦𝔫 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔤𝔢.𝔈𝔳𝔢𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔲𝔤𝔥 𝔫𝔬𝔱 𝔪𝔞𝔫𝔶 𝔬𝔣 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔴𝔦𝔩𝔩 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔪𝔢 ℑ'𝔪 𝔢𝔵𝔠𝔦𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔱𝔬 𝔤𝔢𝔱 ��𝔬 𝔨𝔫𝔬𝔴 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔩𝔩, 𝔣𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰!"

*You can hear some irritated incoherent grumblings from whoever may be behind the camera.*

"ℑ 𝔱𝔥𝔦𝔫𝔨 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱'𝔰 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔪𝔢 𝔣𝔬𝔯 𝔫𝔬𝔴!ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢 𝔱𝔬 𝔤𝔢𝔱 𝔱𝔬 𝔱𝔞𝔩𝔨 𝔱𝔬 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔰𝔬𝔬𝔫!ℑ 𝔥𝔬𝔭𝔢 𝔶𝔬𝔲 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔥𝔞𝔳𝔢 𝔭𝔩𝔢𝔞𝔰𝔢𝔫𝔱 𝔡𝔞𝔶,𝔣𝔯𝔦𝔢𝔫𝔡𝔰.𝔉𝔞𝔯𝔴𝔢𝔩𝔩,𝔱𝔞𝔨𝔢 𝔠𝔞𝔯𝔢."

"𝔜𝔬𝔲 𝔠𝔞𝔫 𝔱𝔲𝔯𝔫 𝔬𝔣 𝔱𝔥𝔞𝔱 𝔠𝔞𝔪𝔢𝔯𝔞 𝔫𝔬𝔴."

"̵̢͓̈́́́̔͠Ŷ̶͚̝͍̘̝͓̈ẹ̵͚̯̼͖̼̥͐̄̆̋͐̋̂͝a̴̭̲̝̻̔̎͊̔͗̈́͘͠h̴̳͓̩͔̟͗͊̽̑͠ ̸̢̼̥̗̣̣͉̀̌́̈́̇̊̚̕y̵͎̥̜̫̮͉͓̌͌e̶̹̣͐̏͊̚͝a̷̧̜͍̱̐̽̎͗̿h̸̨̛̰̤̳̼͊̀̓̈́̕,̷̢̦̭͓́̈́̆Į̸̢̤̻͕̱̳̐̈͐͛͛͆̽ ̵͖͗̀̂̿͛ͅk̸͍̘̪̟̪̝̲͌̎͛̈̀͝n̶̢̜͍̈́̓ọ̴̙͇̄͝w̸̨̡̱̝͊̅́̏̈́̚,̶̨̻̮̩̟͈͈̗̂̀Ḯ̵̺̾̒̀ ̴̹͓͈̗̺̅̐͐̏̔̄͜k̶̮̂͂̒́́̈́͘͝n̸̨̙͙̱̆̽̇́̓̈́̂̏ơ̶̭͓͕̲̝̫̩̼̊̊̒̓̂̚w̴̧̢̲̪̟̩͈͆̒̌͊̊̓̓.̷̢̛̛̟̣͉̐̈́́Ï̵̢̹͎̺m̸̛͇̳̦̳̎̈́͂͒̔͝ ̵̡͚̩̣̩͎̬̍̓̂̅͒̂̽͠n̷̩̼̄̆̓̊̉̔o̶̧̳̜̫͖̬̊̃̅̓́t̴̩̤͖́̊͑͐̔̈́̊͑ͅ ̷͎̼̖̋s̵̳͙̝̲̻̘̾͂̈́̇͐̌͜t̷͕̙͊̔u̷̖͈̟̥̝̅͒p̴̛̛̹͉̦̘͖̊̀̈́̽̽͘i̶͉̞̯̩̮͌́̊ͅd̴͍̪̫̲̻͇̽̊.̸͍͂̈́͘"̷͈̦̰͉̠̯͌́̅̄́͝

"𝖄𝖔𝖚 𝖐𝖓𝖔𝖜 𝖇𝖊𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖓 𝖙𝖔 𝖘𝖆𝖘𝖘 𝖒𝖊."

*the video shuts off*

(under the cut will be an alternate version of the above text without the crazy fonts,among other things)

The entire post past this point is ooc.

Helloski welcome to this blog,this blog functions as a spooky month ask/rp blog for my internation as Skiddad!(there's also his little friend who will be on here,which is a canon character that I'm not revealing right now though I'm pretty sure its obvious who it is)

I've been thinking about making this blog for a while since @ask-atticus-carver (you're one of my favorite blogs btw) made theirs but after @atticusabyssborne made there's I dediced to make there's I made this one! :D

Also I probably wont be doing the whole font this for all of the posts it was a hassle to do for this one.I will do it occasionally though.

(I may also do some tickle related stuff on this blog sometimes :] )

This blog is ran by @jonesy-squish :3

My name for Skiddad is Porfirio Atticus Estrella.

Rules:

-No bigotry,discrimination or hate of any kind:Homophobia,Transphobia,Aphobia,Rasicism,Antisemitism,Anti-islam,Zionism,ableism,anti-furry,etc,etc.

-No pedophila,incest,proshipping/comshipping,etc,etc.

-Flirting is allowed,will likely not be recipoucated.Mod is a minor,so don't be weird

-Only very mildly suggestive asks and actions are allowed.

-Canon character and oc interaction is allowed and encourged! :D

Subject to be added to in the future.

Transcript of the text in the fonts above the cut:

"Is it recording?"

"Yes,goddamnit."

"You know best not to speak to me that way,firecracker."

"Yeah,yeah."

"Let's get started."

"Greetings and Salutaions both old and new friends,after quite a long sabbatical,my organization is now back under original management!I am back in charge.Even though not many of you will know who me I'm excited to get to know all of you,friends!"

"I think that's all from me for now.I hope i get to talk to you all soon!Hope you all have a pleasant day,friends.Farewell,take care."

"You can turn of the camera now."

"Yeah,yeah,I know.Im not stupid."

"You know better than to sass me."

I hope you guys enjoy the blog this whole post was a blast to make :D

[nolan-chance]

OK so, the DiamondChance kid right?💎🎲💖👀(?)

I've been thinking about that a lot because. Apparently, I can't give my mind a rest (?)

So, Montague is trans here, yes, trans Monty, that idea I said I liked but wasn't going to use in my stories? Yeah I'm using it here (?).

They just... they just wake up one day and decide they want a kid (?). Nolan wants a boy, Montague just wants them to be healthy and happy (?) and of course he also wants a gender neutral name for his baby. They had a reaaaaally hard time deciding which would be the right one, some options were Morgan or Spencer, but end up deciding to call them Dominique (yes, Montague's French heritage played a huge role in the decision, and Nolan liked so he went along with it. Plus, he can call them Dommy or Dummy as pet name, he likes it, he can mess around with the name lol).

I remember I read a fic (can't remember which one) in which the author gives Montague the last name Delacroix so I'll stick with it because I like it and I think Dominique Delacroix-Chance sounds awesome (?).

Pregnancy? Gross (?) I won't dive deep into it, let's just say it was normal. The thing is, is until this point in which the rest of the people Montague knows realize he is trans (he transitioned long ago, before being the Society man he is). He doesn't say a thing about his pregnancy, Nolan doesn't either, despite being too loud about everything they're very secretive with it.

Nolan is way more protective and indulgent with him, he's always pleasing him in everything and doesn't care if he has to break into meetings to fulfill his cravings, he'll just do it.

Montague craves sweets, lots of sweets, but can't stand coffee and macarons (his favs), something that frustrates him a LOT. He can't stand chicken or eggs either. Asides if that, he'll eat anything, mostly sugar-ish things.

Oscar is the first one who notices something's off with him, he smells different, can't figure out why but he's different. Hope notices he's getting a bit fattier, pretty clear in his thin figure but it's also easy to blame on Nolan since he's always feeding him with tons of sweet treats. She also notices he's less angry than usual, he let things and mistakes slide easily, like he doesn't care about anything (He's trying not to stress about things for the baby's sake(?)).

Jones is the only one bold enough to ask Montague if he's OK, to which he just casually says "I'm fine but I'm five months pregnant and I'm feeling quite exhausted", and Jonesy just... can't (?)

Dominique is raised in a family full of love, Montague doesn't want to be as controlling as his parents were with him, Nolan doesn't want him to struggle for money (good thing he'll never have to struggle for that lol), neither for him to end up in negative life paths the same way he did. They both agree to never involve him into any illegal activity, that may have been essential part of their lives but they don't want that for their son.

He's motivated to pursue something else, more productive. Spending most of his time surrounded by snow makes him really interested in his environment. This helps him develop a great interest in science, he's fascinated by nature and wildlife.

***EXTRA THINGS ABOUT SNOW PATROLLER***

As stated earlier, his full name is Dominique Delacroix-Chance

He's in his early 20s

His natural hair color is black (he bleaches it)

He likes being called Dom, or Snow. Nolan calls him either Dom or Dummy (he doesn't like it), Montague straight up calls him Dominique, no Snow, no Doom, no Dom (he doesn't likes it either, it sounds like he's always scolding him (?). When he was little, his parents called him Snowflake (he loved snowflakes(?)), so, Snow is the natural progression of the nickname. He think Snow is a badass nickname (?))

Loves snowshoeing/hiking, snowboarding, and outdoors acitivies in general

Loves potatoes, in every way, from potatoes au gratin to regular fries, he just loves potatoes

Pretty obvious but he knows pretty well how to use weapons (Monty and Nolan teached him, because of reasons (?)). Nolan wants him to be specialized as sniper (like him lol)

He's very close to his parents, asides of them, he has not much friends

His favorite animal are polar bears (reason why the face mask he uses has sharp teeth)

His best friends is Polar Patroller. They... patrol together?? IDK (?) (Monty doesn't like him much because he's kind of chaotic with his love for explosions but they know he'll protect him. Nolan is used to that kind of people because of Mae lol)

Personality-wise, he's more like Montague. He's a man of few words, might seem quite cold and distant and prefers to be by his own (or with his parents. Actually, he prefers to spend time with Montague(?))

Of course this thing wouldn't fit in the Give me a Chance setting, since it's pretty clear Montague is cisgender there (and probably bi, or pan, idk) but still weird because I talk about Oscar and Hope as if they were in the same team so it doesn't make sense but nothing of what I said makes sense. I guess Give me a Chance AU: Everything is the same but Montague is trans? It could work but it would need an extra chapter or two about Nolan finding out about that, and getting absolutely confused about it(?)

Anyway I just had to get it out of my system and now I can move on from this idea (?)

[commonguttersnipe]

Fanfic request:

Monty Python time travel AU where the Pythons accidentally time travel to the future from the 1960s/1970s BUT, instead hearing about the young Six Idiots fans talking about how the Six Idiots are "this generation's Monty Python", they INSTEAD hear about some young Monty Python fans (who are called Georgie and Shreyan respectively, and who are totally not based on us hehehe.......yeah) talking about the new (in universe of the fanfic ofc) biopic that's currently filming that day (in the present day), which is coincidentally also the day that the OG/Young Pythons end up on (in the present day). Btw uhh, the cast for fictional 2nd biopic is based on your fancast from a few months ago, which is this:

Also also, the fictional 2nd biopic is being directed by a somewhat annoyingly ambitious but with somewhat good intentions (if a little extreme in portraying said intentions) director who has Ollie Plimsolls-like vibes + who's a massive Python fanboy, or as he calls himself a "Pythonist" (who's funnily enough also played by Reece Shearsmith, idk it kinda fits imo) called uhh "Smithee J. Allense" but who was technically nearly nominated for a BAFTA for his avante garde surreal comedy drama short film about fish people. Nearly.

The Pythons (except John who's a bit salty about hearing the new biopic) are at first surprised about hearing that there's a new biopic about them but then quickly get interested in the concept (though the OG Young Pythons aren't aware of/don't know about the previous biopic "Holy Flying Circus" (2011), which becomes a sorta running gag in the fanfic for comedic effect as other people try telling them that but they get cut off from explaining further or one of the Pythons ignores them just as they were explaining HFC to them).

The catch is that, in order to not bring too much attention to themselves and causing massive hysteria or something, the fans Georgie and Shreyan help the Pythons get into disguise as "regular people"-looking Agents with "regular people"-sounding names/alias of the modern day Old Pythons in the present day, so that the film crew of the biopic knows that they're kinda important but not too much, and that (the Pythons in disguise that is) they're there to check on how filming is going and all that jazz.

So the Pythons in disguise are:

Graham - becomes "Tommy"

John - becomes "Julian"

Eric - becomes "Derek"

Jonesy - becomes "Russell"

Terry - becomes "Jerry"

Michael - becomes "Mickey"

So the gang (in disguise) go to where the biopic is currently filming rn, which is being filmed at the BBC unsurprisingly. In fact, the scene they're currently filming is a studio set reconstruction of when the Pythons met up at and started throwing ideas at each other for their future sketch show MPFC at the Indian restaurant (which was called the "Light of Kashmir Tandoori" restaurant) in 1969.

The Pythons (in disguise) are at first nervous in case they might get caught in the act, but they thankfully easily evade getting exposed by using the fake ID cards that Georgie and Shreyan made for them back at their house (just incase).

After Smithee excitedly greets them (not knowing that they're actually fr the real Pythons, albeit the Young versions), the Pythons as the Agents of the Old Pythons get to see/watch what the scene where the Pythons (played by the biopic actors, or as John-as-Julian sarcastically calls them "the Sexified Pythons", since well...they're played by sexy actors, although Eric-as-Derek does really appreciate that he's played by Dan Stevens) meet for the first-but-not-really-first-more-like-a-proper-second-introduction-of-the-whole-troupe-but-it's-called-the-first-for-the-sake-of-plot-of-the-biopic time, the Pythons politely step in/interrupt to add their thoughts on it so far.

Whilst some of the Pythons-in-disguise, like Eric, Terry & Michael, appreciate what the actors are bringing to the table (not literally ofc) in terms of the actors acting as the Pythons, the others, like Jonesy and Graham (though Graham does like some aspects of Taron's energy to the role) (and deffo not John, though John tries to deny it but the others doubt that) feel that the performance is sorta lacking in a way, and that they need to really get into the spirit of each respective Python. So to help, each of the Pythons go with each biopic actor and help them REALLY REALLY get into the spirit of themselves, (like for example, Graham helping Taron get Gray's character, Jonesy helping Tom, John begrudgingly helping Henry though overtime John does take a liking to Henry, etc) to which we do get to see these side plots unfold as they are. Also the other Pythons jokingly tease John that Henry Shields looks so much like him that he might as well be his long lost son lol 😆.

After that happens, they'll all ready to go and get the scene done proper. And everyone had a clap, even the Pythons. Then, as everyone's having a bit of a celebration, Michael goes to where the lunch/breakroom is, in which Young Michael bumps into Old Michael, who's just so happen to be there as he supposed to record his lines for the biopic as "The Narrator". Young Michael is a bit shocked when he sees Old Michael but tries to act normal as "Mickey" but doesn't mention that's he's Old Michael's agent so that he'll try not to blow his cover (btw young Mike is wearing a fake mustache w/glasses). He and Old Michael have a lovely chat together.

Then, suddenly, Young Michael accidentally rubs off his fake mustache due to there being biscuit crumbs on there. Old Michael is shocked from this, and so faints and falls to the ground. Young Michael is shocked and nervous. He calls the others and tells them hurriedly that old Michael has fainted. An ambulance is called. Young Michael feels really guilty about this. To be continued.....

Any thoughts?? I wanna know what your favourite part is!!!

Thanks!!!

This needs to be a film, holy flying circus!!

It’s like a mix of all our ideas!!

We need to write this!!

[chained-jones-fn]

LAST UPDATED: 9/11/2024

I.O. private audio logs, file 34

"You just had to be the hero...too bad...you thought The Seven could help you? HAH! Ehhh funny"

"Ngh...C'mon, couldn't you guys get a comfier chair?"

"What? ...just, shut it and state your name"

"Name's Jones...Jone-"

"Your new name"

"Ugh fine...my name is subject 0204...i guess...kinda mid name"

"I guess we'll take that...we're in for a ride with your dumbass..."

×-×-×-×

Tags:

#chained down -> posts

#slone forced him -> reblogs

#strapped to a chair -> asks

#LucySays: -> ooc posts/reblogs

×-×-×-×

When something is written between [--], it means it's ooc!

No nsfw, that's a big nono.

ANY UNPLANNED/GODMODE ATTEMPT TO BREAK JONESY OUT WILL BE IGNORED.

×-×-×-× Headcanons under the cut! ×-×-×-×

Headcanons:

-Jones (or Jonesy) is Unlabeled and goes by He/It pronouns

-This is an AU jones! What if Jones was captured by the IO...but The Foundation never came to save him? Well here's your answer. Chained Jones. Slone's prisoner and test subject.

-He's SASSY. He seems to take none of the IO stuff seriously, deep down he feels hatred towards the IO, but also towards The Seven for not saving him.

-He's immortal, and he often gets experimented on, that can cause him physical and mental (temporary) issues (cause you know...side effects)

-As for appearance, following a failed experiment, he became shorter (from 6'5/195cm to 5'5/165cm) and chubbier then other regular Jones'! (Some edits i did are right down below to have a small image! :D)

UPDATES, PEOPLE, UPDATES!!: ZERO UNLEASHED!

Jonesy has been Zero Point Touched! He unlocked a sweet form which you guys will know as "Zeronesy"! A Zero Point powered form that allows him to have some powers like Rift creation and Telekinesis, but also a 3rd power that relies on his emotions- unleashing some sort of small shockwave around him (usually based on how angry he is), this form is emotionally/mentally unstable and might keep him from resonate at times, so yeah watch out I suppose :P

This is the side by side comparison of the two forms :) don't worry he will be able to switch between these forms!

Text styles:

Jonesy: blue text like this :)

Zeronesy: words change between blue and purple, and will be in italic like this! :D

And last but not least, here's the tag to understand instantly if Jonesy is in his Zeronesy form! -> #Zero Unleashed

[jonesy-and-max]

Jonesy & Max: Opening Day

part 3: Work

Max unlocked and leaned on the door as he held it open for Jonesy. She flicked the light switch and Popcorn Video Entertainment sprang to life in front of them as it had so many times before. Softly buzzing neon signs adorned the walls advertising the different genre sections, while a mish-mash of holiday string lights snaked their way from corner to corner. Models of famous spaceships hung over the sci-fi section, monster masks, fake blood, and a Gill-Man mannequin loomed over the horror section. Action, comedy, documentaries, westerns, romance, and in the back a neon pink “XXX” hung over the curtained Adults Only room. The checkout counter was at the front by the entrance/exit, where you would normally encounter Jonesy and Max. Behind where they stood was a concession stand. Fresh, movie theater style popcorn was available for the customers. Small bags were free with every transaction, but you could pay two dollars for a large, or ten dollars for a large in a Popcorn Video Entertainment collectable bucket. Patrons could also get a medium soda from the fountain for a dollar. Candy prices varied. Through the adult video room was the employee back room where Jonesy and Max could hang up their coats, grab a cup of coffee, put any food they had in the fridge, use the bathroom, control any music they wanted to play over the PA or put in a movie that would play on the overhead monitors. Farthest in the back was the manager’s office. Inside was the money safe, a desk with a computer on it, filing cabinets, all the necessary papers and equipment needed to run a business.

The video store was owned by Wayne “Smokey” Cobb and his wife Margie, they opened it in 1988 and had been a town fixture ever since. The Cobbs generally let the managers and employees run the place, though they always made an appearance on Mondays, Wednesdays, and any special occasion. They had a reputation and unofficial position as the town’s cultural experts and advisors. Jonesy and Max liked them because they let them get away with anything, paid a decent hourly wage, and were almost never in the store. In their opinion, it was the coolest place in Lake’s End you could work, it actually wasn’t even an opinion, it was a fact.

Max prepared the popcorn while Jonesy loaded up the register. The bin underneath the return slot was full and Max began scanning each bar code with the handheld scanner and placing them on the metal cart. Once the cart was full, he pushed it out into the aisles to return them to their proper homes. 

Over in Sci-Fi, Max passed by a spot on the shelf that always caught his eye. It was the box for a movie called “See You Soon.” 

“Hey Jonesy.”

“Yeah Max?” She was entering info into the computer at the front desk.

“Have you ever heard of this movie “See You Soon?”

She thought to herself for a moment, “Nope. Why is it good?”

“I have no clue,” He picked up the vhs box and read the back, “All I know is it’s, like, a cosmic horror movie from the sixties. That, and I have never seen a copy of it in the store.”

She stopped typing, “Huh?”

“Yeah. Just the box. I’ve never seen it returned.”

Jonesy typed into the computer, “It says we have three copies on the shelf. And that no one has ever rented…or returned them?” She turned towards Max, “What the fuck? Haha.”

“Fuck that’s eerie,” He placed the box back on the shelf. He shuddered and went back to work.

As the warm, familiar smell of fresh popcorn began to fill the store, Jonesy dreamily wrote the name “Jamie” in fancy, girly cursive on her left arm in blue ink. Swirls and hearts, curls and stars. Jonesy lightly chuckled to herself and wondered what Jamie Reynolds’ lips felt like. She bit her lip and chuckled to herself some more. Click-click-click-click, Jonesy played with the pen, she blushed and eyed the back room door.

“Hey, Jonesy!”

“Yeah, Max??” Startled, she was broken from her foggy fantasies.

“So how should we start the day? Movie? Music? I kinda wanted to put some Chain-Slaughter on…”

Jonesy took a breath and collected herself, “It’s kinda early for entrails, isn’t it?”

“Puh!” Max was aghast. It was never too early for entrails.

“How about a little Damned Damned Damned or maybe something a little more crowd pleasing? Then we can ease into some blood and guts?” Jonesy attempted a compromise.

“Fine! But I want to start with part four.”

“Last Rites? Ugh, come on. Last Rites sucks ass!”

“Okay, yes, objectively, Last Rites is the worst one, but there’s still a lot of good stuff in there!” 

Jonesy crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow, “Like what?”

“When the Edgar Salt wannabe releases those dogs and they chase down the guy and tear him apart! That part is brutal, and the effects are really fuckin’ gnarly.”

“Yeah that’s awesome. But still, the ending? It makes absolutely no sense. It makes so little sense they just ignore the entirety of part four in part five!”

“Well, I read that part six is going to retroactively make part four watchable. I need a refresher!”

Jonesy rolled her eyes and conceded, “Fine fine fine. But after music.” She smiled and jogged to the back room.

“Woah!!” Max suddenly exclaimed, stopping Jonesy in her tracks.

“Hey, Jonesy!”

“Yeah, Max?”

“Dude.”

“What?”

“Du-UDE!” Max grinned at Jonesy, his snarly, crooked smile, bearing his fang. Max had once described his fanged smile as wolf-like, but Jonesy felt he had grown from a chubby raccoon into a mangy coyote of a man. Both comparisons he took as a compliment. Either way, his stupid face gave Jonesy cause for concern.

Jonesy raised an eyebrow, “What?”

“This is major, dude. Guess who’s got movies to return today??”

“Who??” Jonesy put down the bags of complimentary popcorn she was filling and marched over to her pal.

“Oh, mama,” Max cackled to himself, jumping up and down.

“Oh, God…is it…?” She could feel the warmth creeping into her cheeks.

“Jamie fuckin’ Reynolds, baby!”

“OH SHIT OH FUCK OH FUCK OH SHIT,” Jonesy scrambled over to Max and grabbed him by the lapels of his smock. “Don’t jerk me around, dude!” She already knew by the shit-eating grin on his face, that he was telling nothing but the truth.

Max squished Jonesy’s cheeks together and moved her face to the computer monitor with his hand.

“Oh fuck. Oh shit.” The blood rushing to her face finished the job as she turned a bright scarlet. She suddenly became very aware of how much she was sweating.

“You wanna know what she’s returning??”

“I can’t look,” Jonesy releases Max and covers her eyes.

“Dude, this could finally give you some kind of clue that you might have a chance!”

“DON’T! I don’t have any chance, she’s straight as fuck, and even if she wasn’t… I’m not good enough for Ja-”

“Oh fuck off with that!”

Jonesy bit her lip and winced to herself, her thoughts racing. “Okay...tell me.”

“Okay, first one: Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors. Solid! Ms. Reynolds coming out hot.”

“Fuck, she’s so fucking cool. That’s literally the best Nightmare. I mean, sure the original is a classic. Absolutely iconic and an undeniable game changer of the genre. But Dream Warriors totally perfected the premise, turned it up to eleven, and washed the taste of Revenge out of all of our collective mouths-”

“Dude, why are you so sweaty! Bwahaha!” 

“Shut up, Max!” Jonesy shoved Max as he continued to delight in her torment. “Just tell me the next one.” She grabbed a bag of popcorn off the counter and began stress eating.

“Looks like we got…Airheads.”

“FUCK.” “What?”

“Airheads?? Hello, Brendan Fraser??? He’s a fucking babe in that movie. She’s straight. I’m calling it.” She shook her bag of popcorn at Max, creating a trail of emotionally distressed snacks in her wake.

“It just means she smokes, dude. That’s…what d’you call that… inconclusive.”

“Yeah, but Airheads isn’t even that good, not even stoned. Brendan Fraser is the only reason to watch that movie.” She grabbed a handful of popcorn from a bag and crammed it into her mouth.

“Come on, Steve Buscemi is great in it! It’s a perfectly fine stoner movie. You’re doggin’ on Airheads too much. If nothing else, maybe her little brother wanted to see it.”

Jonesy gasped, the light returning to her eyes, “You’re right! She has, like, a thirteen year old brother! Max, you’re a fuckin’ genius!”

“Please, please, I’m only a mortal man.” Max sniffed and dusted off his shoulder before returning to the computer. “Next, we’ve got a new release…,” Max scratched his beard and gave Jonesy a sideways look over his glasses. “This is a head scratcher…”

“What is it???”

“Hackers.”

“…Angelina Jolie is offensively hot in that movie.”

“Truth.”

“But then there’s Matt Lillard and Jonny Lee Miller…”

“Ladies love ‘em both…”

“Inconclusive.” They agreed in unison.

“We got one more. Moment of truth?”

Jonesy made the sign of the cross, “Ms. God? I don’t ask for much. I just…I just really want to kiss Jamie Reynolds. Like, I just want that for me so bad. I don’t need anything else. If you could just find it in your infinite Godly…like, stuff… just give me a sliver of hope?”

Max presses the arrow key, revealing Jamie Reynolds’ final video.

“Holy fuck. Dude. This is a fucking game changer. The game has been shattered, sir.”

Jonesy pushed Max aside, reading the next title herself. “A League of Their Own… A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN!”

Jonesy dramatically swooned, Max already there to catch her, popping her immediately back up to her feet. Jonesy spun around and the two of them grabbed each other by the lapels.

“A League of Their Own!!” They shouted in unison.

“Dude,” Max applauds Jonesy, “You did it. I couldn’t be happier for you two.”

“I’d like to thank the beautiful woman in the sky, God, Her son Jesus, all gays everywhere, and of course my platonic life-mate Max Swartzwelder for this incredible achievement in lesbianism.” Jonesy bows and does a little dance, spinning around, and continuing to dance back out into the aisles.

She headed to the back room, where a pile of cassettes were stacked on the table next to the speaker system. She looked through the pile, finding just what she was looking for and smiled from ear to ear. The instantly familiar intro to “Just Can’t Get Enough,” by Depeche Mode enveloped Popcorn Video. Max smiled and looked up at the speakers, just as Jonesy bopped her way out from the back.

“I feel good about this day, Jonesy!” Max began feeling the music as he clicked the neon sign on. Now lit up from the outside it read, in glowing orange and yellow lights, “OPEN.”

Jonesy danced through the store, losing herself to the synth pop beats.

The day mozied on like any other friday. Business was lively on fridays, leading into the bustling weekend, but it never bothered the duo, except when they were asked dumb ass questions like “do you have beer,” “will this play in my car’s tape deck,” “do you have any movies for someone that hates movies.” Other than that, Popcorn Video was maybe the only place in town where not only were Jonesy and Max the experts, but people actually respected their opinions. It wasn’t much, but it made them feel good about themselves. They were in their element.

As they inched closer and closer to lunch time, Max and Jonesy lazily pushed around the returns carts, putting back videos in dribs and drabs. Jonesy was over in Drama while Max was over in Comedy. He picked up a video and put it on the shelf, then took the display box and read the back. 

“Hey, Jonesy!” He called across the store.

“Yeah, Max?” Jonesy responded automatically.

“Back to the Future goes in the Comedy section?”

Jonesy considered for a moment, “Shyeah, I think so, isn’t its box over there?”

“Shyeah, but like, isn’t it Sci-Fi?”

“Well. It’s like, both?”

“What about Back to the Future 3? Isn’t that, like, a western? Shouldn’t that go in Westerns?”

“I think we just keep them all together in Comedy, dude.”

“How anyone finds anything in this fuckin’ place is beyond me.” Max put the box back and scrunched his face. Dots were connecting in his brain, thoughts were clawing their way to the surface of his mind. He trotted over to his pal.

“Hey, Jonesy.” Max peaked his head over the aisle directly in front of Jonesy.

“Yeah, Max?” She looked up at him for a second as she placed a copy of Apollo 13 onto the shelf.

“You know how in Back to the Future, like, Marty goes back in time and he meets his mom, right?

“Of course.”

“And she’s all horned up for him?” Max came around the aisle and followed Jonesy as she continued to work.

“Haha, yeah. She wanted his butt.”

“I was just thinking about it and like, no way. I couldn’t do it.” Max shook his head and picked up the box for 9 ½ Weeks, reading the synopsis on the back.

“Do what?” Jonesy furrowed her brow.

“Bang my mom in the past. Like, I don’t care how horned up and fine she was. It’d just be too fucked up.”

“You…” Jonesy tried to follow Max’s train of thought. An arguably difficult thing to do even at his most coherent of times. “You are aware that Marty doesn’t fuck his mom in Back to the Future right?

“Huh?” Max looked up from the 9 ½ Weeks box.

“Marty and his mom don’t bang in Back to the Future!”

Max chuckled and raised a cocky eyebrow, “Uuuh yes he does. How else is he supposed to fix the timeline and get born?”

“Dude! What are you talking about! That’s not even how that works!”

“Yes it is! He tries to get his dingus dad to bang his mom, cause she’s so hard up to get down. She’s so horned up, he has to get someone to bang her quick, before it’s midnight and he doesn’t get born. His dad is, like, a scared little virgin, and the bully is like a murderer, so she doesn’t want either of them. Tick tock, tick tock, right? So, it’s getting closer and closer to midnight, so Jim from Taxi tries to stop the clock from hitting midnight before all hell breaks loose. So in the end Alex P. Keaton has to take one for the team and nail his own mom in the past, so he can still, like, be born in the future. She loves it and he’s like, damn that was good, and tells his mom to name the kid after him, to stick it to his old man. He gets back in his ford durango and wa-Sha-SHAM! Back to the future!”

Jonesy’s mouth hung open, mostly in disbelief, but she was honestly a little impressed, too. “Absolutely not one single fraction of a decimal of that is correct.”

Max furrowed his brow, looking personally attacked right now. He opened his mouth to rebuff her. Closed it. He looked at the floor, then back to Jonesy. “Are you sure?”

“Ok, Lea Thompson being hot was correct. But literally nothing else.”

“Yeeeayuh!” Max took his wins where he could. The two fist bumped twice in quick succession in agreement.

Jonesy laughed and shook her head, getting back to work. Max dug into his pocket and pulled out a bag of gummy bears, he popped a red one in his mouth and chewed, once again the indications that his brain was cooking something up translated to his facial expressions. 

“Hey, Jonesy!” He said while chewing his bear. A cheeky grin spread across his face as he caught up with his friend.

“Yeah, Max.”

“Here’s a question then…” He raised a finger and pointed it at Jonesy.

Jonesy took a green bear from his stash. “Shoot!”

“How far back to the future would you have to go to bang one of your ancestors??” He bounced his eyebrows and tossed back another bear.

“You mean how far back in time?” 

“That’s what I said,” He gave her the finger, “Yeah!, like, to be comfortable. Like, to not feel weird about fucking a great-great-great-something.”

Jonesy stopped what she was doing and thought for a moment, “That’s a good question.”

“I know,” Max rewarded himself with more gummy bears.

“Well…like, thousands of years and you’re, like, barely even related.”

“So you’re gonna bang a monkey?? Bwahaha!”

“No! I’m just considering the situation…” Jonesy began to ponderously stroll down the aisle, “I’d say…comfortably…maybe like five hundred years. I think that’s a good buffer,” She spun around, Max offering her a bear, and Jonesy taking him up on it with another green one. “Cause like, I knew my great grandparents. And they knew their parents and grandparents, and maybe even their own great-grandparents. So, my point is, that, like, I don’t want to bang anyone my great grandparents would’ve actually, physically, known,” She smiled and shrugged, “Beyond that, I think it’s fair play.”

“So five hundred years?”

“Three hundred if one of my ancestors is just an unstoppable smoke show.”

“You’re only human!”

“I’m only flesh and blood!”

The two of them laughed and wandered back to work.

Most days were very much like this, whether it was at Popcorn Video, playing their guitars in Jonesy’s garage, or smashing stuff in the old train yard.

They were living in a small window of time where things were uncomplicated. Inside, things seemed confusing and in flux, but from the outside anyone could see the simple, beautiful joy that it really was. All that life demanded of Jonesy and Max at that time was for them to do exactly what made them happy. Sometimes one of them would have that moment of clarity. Max would be watching Jonesy trying to nail a guitar riff she had been working on, or Jonesy would watch Max smash a beer bottle with a bat in the train yard, and time would slow down. A wave of serenity would pass over them for only an instant, but they would know, these were the Good Old Days happening right in front of them. These were moments they’d keep with them forever.

[tokyorecordstyle]

As the years have gone by, Mijonju has become one of my oldest pals in Tokyo. We’ve been bouncing around and crossing paths in this city for well over a decade and probably soon a decade and a half! In a city that sheds its sometimes transient residents as frequently as it sheds its own skin, it’s just nice to have some familiar faces, and Mijo is certainly that. He famously “loves cameras like a fat boy loves chocoloate cake” (the jingle from his legendary Mijonju Show on YouTube) and for that reason, we’ve always been close buds, but he’s also a talented musician and singer as well as magician, artist, and has too many more talents to name. He’s a hard one to keep up with creatively, the guy is a fountain of passionate energy, but I’m especially happy to be connected to him more and more through music, as much as photography. I could honestly go on and on about MIjonju (AKA Mijo, AKA Michi, AKA Mitch, AKA Michio, AKA Michel, AKA Jonesy) but I’ll simply leave with thi: When asked “Hey Mijo, why you love records when you can stream it all?” …(after a long thoughtful pause)... “Well, it’s like when you’re cold …sure you can go to the thermostat, and simply turn on the heater and soon you’ll be warm, …or … or or or, you can gather wood in the forest, build a small pile, precariously balanced around some carefully collected kindling, miraculously make sparks, like some kind of magic wizardry, blow smoky kindling to red embering life, listen to the crackle and pop of the wood drying and charring, trapped water and sap within it hiss, slowly warming you face, your hands, then your body, then roaring at you, like an inferno demon, heating your bones, feeding your soul, like the god of fire that you are… ummm … yeah, so streaming is the thermostat and records are the fire.” Got Mijonju, perfectly 🔥🔥🔥 #Tokyo #record #style #tokyorecordstyle #records #music #recordcollector #recordstore #vinyl #vinylcollector #vinylrecords #vinylrecord #Electronic #Jazz #Funk #Soul #Pop #Indie #IndiePop #CityPop #lit (at Shimo-Kitazawa , Tokyo) https://www.instagram.com/p/CoCsKRsvSP-/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[nofoundboy]

Slashers reacting to their s/o calling them "mi amor", "corazón" (Part 2)

I just got tolerable ideas

Tw: more suggestive than the part 1

Michael Myers

- At first he doesn't give a fuck, really

- Like, yeah you speak spanish so what? He'll just give you a trademark head tilt and that's all

- UNTIL he thinks about the potential

- Because fucking you raw gets better when you call him like that

-Your voice sounds really nice in those moments and (he won't admit it) he feels the love and passion you feel for him when you say it

- Eventually he'll embrace it every time you say it. Yes yes, he's your "amor", whatever

- But deep down he loves it. He would cut his arm before sayin it out loud but he really needs and cherishes your affections

Candyman

- He is not really surprised but neither is indifferent

- He has heard a lot of spanish in his life and...no life? So it's ok

- The thing is that YOU are the one saying it to HIM. Like you little alive human are calling him, the urban legend, by sweet petnames

- You really mean it and that's everything for his little ghost exposed heart

- He's super romantic so please, teach him more romantic sentences. He's a fast learner and would whisper them in your ear

- And if you say it in a suggestive way? Whew, he's already tearing your clothes with his hook

Bo Sinclair

- He will tease you endlessly but you already know that

- Outside he is super smug about it, wanting to hear it again

- Inside he is kinda...super panicked. He really means that much for you?

- He gets chills whenever you say it in a sweet way. He's not use to affection so it will take some time for him to accept it in a sincere way

- On the other hand, please say it in the bed, he gets super hard

Poly Ghostface

- "What did you say?" But Billy says it in a teasing tone. Stu is super amused

- After that your name doesn't matter anymore. Stu would introduce you to everyone everytime, as "mi amor"

- Hell, he would introduce Billy as his other "mi amor"

- You know how Gomez kisses Morticia' s arm everytime she says something in french? Stu will do that with you and Billy if he tries to say it

- They sound awful

- Billy gets annoyed with Stu but you...you can call him that sometimes

- Like during sex

- You did it and gave them instant boners

- If you know about Ghostface, they will make you say it with the voice changer. That also makes them horny

Thomas Hewitt

- He'll stare at you, trying to understand what did you say

- "Oh, I called you mi amor, my love in spanish"

- He's used to harsh nicknames so he was expecting something like that. He's very insecure

- So after your explanation, he can't help but hug you

- You make him feel so loved, he's very grateful for your love

- He is not Thomas or Tommy anymore. He is "corazón" and "mi amor"

- Luda Mae is also very happy with your love for her Tommy, she thinks of you as her son wife/husband/partner already so that just make you more domestic at her eyes

- Say it to him during sex and he'll cum in an instant

Lester Sinclair

- "Sorry, what ya say, honey?"

- He callled you by petnames since the beginning of your relationship but you decided to wait a little to say it

- Honestly, just to see his reaction. Lester made you comfortable to say anything since day one

- After you explained the meaning he is super happy, like "telling everyone that you called him mi amor" kind of happy

- Wants to learn how to say it right. For you and Jonesy

- A blushing mess if you say it in a sexy way

[applesontheground]

miss ambrose 🕯️

if you think this is gonna be about jennifer, you’re wrong. it is another girl in ambrose, though, with a name that starts with ‘J’ ... 😊🐶

SFW | Word Count: 1,079 | Lester Sinclair x GN Reader

contains: JONESY TIME

“Hey, fella. Need a ride?”

Your eyes quickly spotted the flat tire on the other person’s truck as you pulled yourself from the passenger side, nearly getting caught on a piece of antler poking out from under the seat but managing with a pull of your leg. You smiled to hear Lester already popping questions, quick to investigate what had happened to the poor driver leaning against the back of the other vehicle, perking at the sight of someone else. You glanced over your shoulder and saw a familiar piece of twisted metal sitting out in the road further down. That old thing had been hanging out in Bo’s garage as soon as last week, and it made a weird lump sit square in your chest to now see it had found its way out here.

The scrabbling of nails off the side of the truck cabin made you hold the door wider, watching with a downcast grin as Jonesy barreled to the ground from where she had been resting in the space behind the seats.

She hobbled around you, tail already sweeping back and forth as she jumped on her hind legs in excited bounces. Since becoming familiar with Lester, and in turn his brothers that lived just a half hour out from this spot in the road, you had also gotten close with their fourth. Jonesy was quick to make friends, as most dogs were; from the first meeting, she had been wading alongside you whenever you came into Ambrose, sniffing your clothes and bringing you sticks that she found in hopes you’d throw them. Not even Bo’s chides, ‘quit, girl’ would deter her, and lucky for them you were all over her. You loved the nights where she chose to come home with you and Lester rather than stay with the twins, and they didn’t seem to mind giving her up neither. All around a strange living situation for a dog, but nothing you had the idea to comment on.

Even now, she didn’t stray far from you as you approached the two men, sniffing the ground but immediately snapping back to trot along when you got too far for her liking. When you got a few yards away from the stranger, she started to lag slightly, head now lifted and staring straight at the unfamiliar face. You planted your feet as the two glanced toward the sound of your voice. “Did that junk in the road catch your tire?”

The stranger rocked on his heels, nodding with a lax grimace. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t know how it got out there but now I’m stranded.” He laughed dryly, and Lester replied, “Lots of folks get stuck out here sometimes. It happens.” You nodded sagely, seeing the man try to laugh but then his eyes caught to something at your feet.

Lester’s attention followed, also trailing to your side and finally making you look with them. “Sorry.” He mumbled, looking at the hard expression on the other man’s face, “She don’t usually do that.”

Like she was following cue, Jonesy let out a little warning chuff, almost a bark but not quite. She had taken a spot between your legs, and after seeing how stiff her body had become, your eyes bounced back to the other person. She had started facing the person fully as the two of you got closer, now only a few yards away from you with pointed ears.

The guy tried to laugh it off, shaking his head at Lester with a plastic looking grin. “Yeah, I know how dogs get. Every little thing sets ‘em off, they like to bark at wind. Mine do, anyways.”

Lester shrugged. “She’s sharp, don’t get all locked up like that unless there’s a real reason, usually.” He paused, then grinned at the guy in a way that made his eyes scrunch, “Or if she thinks it’s funny. Swear on my brothers, she’s got a sense of humor.”

You hummed a laugh in your chest, and Jonesy still didn’t break eye contact with the other man. “One time, she waited for me in the dark and barked like there was a fire, scared me halfway into the next week.” Lester rambled on, “An’ [Y/N] got it too this one time. [He/she/they] were hollerin’ for me, and Jonesy just ran out at [her/him/’em]-“ You grinned again, recalling the memory of the black and white blur sliding from around the corner and the way you nearly flung yourself into the wall, Lester huffing giggles between words now, “Nearly killed the both of us just from laughin’.”

Despite the joking, neither the man nor Jonesy seemed to look away from one another. When you tried to step over her, the dog’s weight was suddenly put against one of your legs, making you have to replant yourself and catch your balance. She even growled slightly, a noise rarely heard from deep in her chest. You cringed, giving another uncertain look at Lester. He stared for a pause, but then glanced back down the road and asked, “So, where y’headed? I know a guy in the next town over who can help with your tire, knows how it can get.”

The stranger shook off the awful look the dog gave, or at least what you all were perceiving of it. He broke off the stare down while he walked past, causing Jonesy to shoot to her feet again, letting another chuffing woof spring from her chest and raising her tail all while she stayed planted between your legs. “Jonesy, come on.” You murmured, scratching the top of her head with concern making your muscles clench. It was a strange gesture, one you didn’t often see from her. Still, you could feel that she did it for some reason. While watching the two of them walk back to the truck. Lester called, “[Y/N], you takin’ the middle spot or the window?”

You narrowed your eyes in thought, and then joked as you trailed behind them, “Think I’ll give our friend the window.” You ruffled Jonesy’s fur and scoffed, “Just in case.” Part of you immediately regretted it, sighing deeply and hoping that came off as a joke. Jonesy followed close by, giving some sort of support to you that she felt was necessary.

Something told you to trust when a dog didn’t like someone, now giving a furrowed glance to the man taking your usual spot and resting a hand on the dog’s head.

[fartoo-sensitive]

flufftober 2021 - day 2: movie night

character: lester sinclair x gn!reader; platonic!bo sinclair x gn!reader (also some platonic!vincent x gn!reader)

word count: 1,108

this one got away from me a bit haha, i meant for it to be around the same length as day 1 was but it ended up being twice as long! that's okay though, i really like this one!! i hope y'all do too :)

-----

"it's my turn to pick the movie, jackass." you glared up at the man standing beside you.

"you pick another shitty one an' you're gonna get a boot up yer ass s'what's gonna happen," he retorted.

you rolled your eyes but set your lips in a pout, turning to peek around him and look at the seated figure on the couch behind him. "les, bo's bein' mean to me again."

"can't y'all get along for one lil night? look, yer upsettin' jonesy." lester gestured to the dog, who was laid out between him and vincent on the couch.

jonesy's head popped up at the sound of her name being said and she immediately went to work on giving lester as many kisses as she could. you thought you saw vincent try to stifle a laugh behind his mask.

<<yes, she's very upset. no more fighting.>>

bo huffed, tapping your thigh lightly with the toe of his boot. "hurry it up, lil bit."

you waved him away. "gimme some more attitude and i'll pick breakfast at tiffany's again, beauregard."

"do that and you can sleep at the station."

after only a few more minutes of deliberation you decided on a movie. you knew lester would be happy no matter what you decided on, and vincent wouldn't care too much as long as it wasn't sad. the only one who ever had a problem with your decisions was bo, and that was because if it wasn't an action flick it was crap (to him). you weren't trying to please him, though, and so you had decided on grease.

you snuggled up to lester on the sofa while bo banged around in the kitchen getting popcorn ready, shoving your feet under vincent's leg for warmth which only got a 5-second sigh out of him this time - progress! les tried to get you to tell him what you'd picked but you told him it was a surprise. he rolled his eyes.

once bo had dropped the bowl of popcorn in your lap and settled in the armchair next to vincent, you hit play on the vcr remote and settled further into lester's side. you felt him press a kiss to the crown of your head and hummed in quiet content.

the second danny and sandy kissed on screen bo let out a loud groan. "you shittin' my dick? this is worse than breakfast at tiffany's."

you laughed, grabbing a handful of popcorn and tossing it across vincent and directly at bo's scowling face. "my choice."

"where'd ya even find this? i know it ain't one'a ours."

"got it at a thrift store last time les and i went into the city. only 35 cents." you grinned, sticking your tongue out at him.

he shook his head at you, collecting the popcorn from his shirt and shoving it into his mouth. "s'long as you don't sing along to this one i won't hold it against ya, but only 'cause i like that grease lightnin' song," he grumbled.

you slammed your finger down on the pause button and jumped up from the couch, nearly giving lester a heart attack. "you what?"

bo's eyes narrowed. "i think you heard me, y/n."

you stared open-mouthed, head swinging between his glare, lester's wide eyes, and vincent's hidden smirk. "are y'all hearin' this? bo likes grease. vinny, please tell me you're gonna sketch this exact scene later, i need a keepsake. bo watching and enjoying grease. unheard of."

<<anything for you, y/n.>> you could tell he was grinning to his best ability under his mask and it made you grin back.

"lester, you best get yer sweetheart b'fore i gotta teach 'em a lesson." bo's voice was hard, but you knew him. he didn't mean it. he was only embarrassed that you were teasing him so much, he wasn't actually mad, and he wouldn't hurt you over something as silly as this.

you felt lester's arms wrap around your waist and pull you back to the couch. "let's ease up on 'im, darlin'."

you couldn't help yourself. "yeah, wouldn't want him to go all grease lightning on me."

"you are just askin' for trouble at this point, lil bit."

you grinned. "you know i'm just kiddin', bo. let's watch the movie, i won't say nothin' else, i promise. cross my heart." you made an X over your chest.

"yeah, yeah, whatever." bo crossed his arms over his own chest and leaned back in the chair as you started up the movie again.

a half hour later found all four of you (jonesy was passed out on the floor in front of the couch), including mr. grumpy gills, engrossed in the film.

bo no longer had his arms crossed and instead had his head in the palm of his hand, elbow rested against the arm of the chair, eyes soft for once while watching the pink ladies have their sleepover. vincent had pulled his hair away from his face and was leaning intently toward the television set, legs folded criss-cross; every once and a while he would lean down to pat jonesy on the side.

you were sat half on top of lester, whose arms were still around your middle, head rested against his shoulder. you couldn't see it, of course, but every time you'd sung along so far - much to bo's quiet annoyance - lester had watched you out of the corner of his eyes with a fondness that made his heart feel like it was so full it might burst.

on screen sandy walked down frenchy's front porch steps, and as she started singing "hopelessly devoted to you," you sang along, your breath ghosting over lester's neck.

he shivered, and by the time the scene ended he was able to look down at your face and catch a couple of unshed tears in your eyes. "i wouldn't do that to ya," he whispered.

you laughed, and it might've been a little soggy. "i know." you thought for a second. "i love you."

"i love you, too." lester leaned forward to kiss you, soft and tender, reminding you of the first time you'd kissed him.

a throw pillow hit you in the back of the head. "get a room."

"eat shit, bo."

<<we were doing so well.>>

you laughed, looking around at the brothers, at jonesy who hadn't even woken up at the commotion, at the movie that was still playing. "y'all are really the best family i ever coulda asked for."

bo fake retched. "don't push yer luck."

you smiled at him, shoved your feet underneath vincent, then settled back against lester to finish out movie night.

[wil-is-done]

When You’re A Mystery Kid - Chapter 33: The Mechanic & the Friend.

Summary: Wybie and Neil talk about bravery, friendship, and the people they have met along the way.

Word Count: 1.182

-

IMPORTANT NOTE: This is a repost.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters featured here.

“Yo, Wybie.”

Wybie jumped at the sound of his name, his head bumping against the ceiling with a resounding clang. He grunted in pain, a hand reaching up to rub the quickly-forming bump at the top of his head. He looked over his shoulder with a pout, spotting Neil peeking into the crawlspace he had entered, wearing a grimace.

“Oof, sorry ‘bout that,” he said, and Wybie could tell he meant it. “Could you, uh, step out for sec?” 

While he still felt a bit miffed about what just happened, Wybie nonetheless crawled backwards out of the crawlspace. After all, this was no time to get petty about things. “So, if you need anything, you gotta make it quick,” he said, righting himself up. “I still got adjustments to make and not a lot of time left to do it.”

It was only then that Wybie noticed the aluminum exhaust manifold Neil held in his hand. “Yeah, yeah, it’s about that!” Neil held out the item in his hands. “McGucket told me to give this… thing to you. Said this should help you out?”

Wybie accepted the item, turning it over a few times in his hands with skeptical eyes. “An exhaust manifold? This’ll be only good for-” He stopped, as his eyes began to light up. “For stabilizing the cooling process so that it’ll reduce the stress on the system, of course!”

Wybie jumped to his feet, sprinting towards the other side of the room. He knelt down next to an open compartment on the wall, exhaust manifold in one hand and wrench in the other, and immediately got to work fitting the parts together. He guessed he was at it for a good two or three minutes before he noticed the sound of footsteps pacing behind him, and he realized that Neil was watching him work. 

Wybie coughed, tugging the collar of his coat. He’s not used to working with an audience. 

“Uh, thanks, by the way. For bringing this stuff to me,” he hastily said, once he realized that had not properly thanked Neil earlier. 

“Hey, no sweat.” Neil shrugged. Somehow, despite everything, he’s smiling. “Just helping out wherever I can.”

Wybie forced a smile back, because Grandma taught him to mind his manners, even when the world was ending. He had no idea things would ever get quite so literal. Then again, he also had no idea this would be the direction his summer vacation would go when he chose to accompany Jonesy to a backwater town only a few dozen miles from home. They’d get into shenanigans, sure, that’s to be expected with her, but never in his wildest nightmares did he ever thought he’d be facing an insane, extradimensional demon with the fate of the fucking multiverse at stake. 

“Regret being friends with us yet?” The words slipped out of Wybie’s lips without him fully realizing what he said. He’d already regretted saying it halfway through the sentence.

The sound footsteps pacing behind him stopped. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Neil asked, slowly.

Wybie sighed. He had to commit to it now. “Well, it’s like, you know,” he started, awkwardly, “when I first came here; I didn’t sign up for any of this. Not for any ghosts, or monsters, o-or reality-warping nightmare demons. I’m pretty sure you’re the same, too. Except maybe for the ghost part, since you’re friends with Norman and all, and- just-”

Wybie let go of the compartment and placed his wrench down. His hands were starting to tremble, and the last thing he wanted to do was screw up the mechanism by accident. “This just… fucking sucks, okay? And I thought, maybe, if we never met, then…”

“No.” Neil answered so daringly, so succinctly that it gave Wybie pause. “I don’t regret it. At all.”

Wybie glanced at Neil over his shoulder, but just enough so that most of his face was still hidden from view. “For real?”

“It’s simple for me, Wybie.” Neil shrugged, like it was the most casual thing in the world. “If being friends with you guys means having to face a reality-warping nightmare demon, then I’ll take it. You guys are worth a reality-warping nightmare demon.”

Wybie dropped his gaze to stare at the floor, at the wrench he’d put down. After that answer, he couldn’t bring himself to look at Neil in the eye. “Good to know at least one of us actually has some bravery in him,” he mumbled with a weak, dry laugh.

“Wybie…” Neil apparently heard that. “D-do you… regret being friends with us?”

“I…”

That’s a hell of a question. And the weird thing was, it wasn’t because he didn’t know the answer. No, he’d figured out the answer already, a while back. He just never had the balls to say it out loud for some reason. And now, in a few hours, he might die, with the answer left unspoken. 

Something lit up in Wybie’s eyes. He turned around, looking up to meet Neil’s gaze. Something had just come over him. A daredevil’s thrill. He wondered if this was what got Coraline to power through everything she did, because, basically, why the hell not? If he could die in just a few hours, then why the hell not?

“I guess not.”

Neil grinned. “There ya go, see? You’re brave too!”

Wybie scratched the back of his neck. “Still. You said it faster, so.” He shrugged sheepishly. “You’re braver.”

“This isn’t a competition, you butt,” Neil said, his lips quirked into an amused smile. “But thanks.”

Wybie blew out a long breath of air, leaning back. He cracked a smile; a tiny one, but it counted. The fact that he’s now sitting on top of his wrench reminded him that he still had work to be done, but for now, he just wanted to ride the last remnants of the high after finally admitting it out loud. He found his gaze drawn to the window, and even now, a shiver still crept up his spine at the sight of the view outside.

In the distance, floating high above what used to be central Gravity Falls, composed of dark red-brown stone, with lava-like orange-red glow shining through its cracks, was Bill Cipher’s Fearamid. That’s where Bill and his demon friends reside. That’s where Bill held Ford Pines captive. That’s where the fate of the world will be decided.

Wybie turned his attention back to Neil, catching him staring out the window as well. Even Neil couldn’t keep a smile up at the sight. Wybie frowned and sighed.

“How long until we go?”

“Two hours.”

-

The countdown continues.

Featuring the two most often underrated members of the MK, in my opinion. I’ve seen a lot of folks gloss over them without seeing their potential. Not me though. I see the potential they have, and I intend to fully utilize it.

We’re halfway through now. Next week, we’ll see how the other half are preparing themselves. See you then.

[angryhausfrau-writes]

Your Friends Were All Standing Around Looking At Your Cock The Other Dayee...

Interior of the farm house. WAYNE, KATY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN stand around the table, looking at something.

KATY: It's a beautiful cock.

WAYNE: Oh, it's a gorgeous cock.

DAN, shifting from foot to foot, uncomfortably: Now I'ms nots denyings that it's a mightys fines cocks. I just thinks its mights not bes appropriates to have sets outs on the supper tables is all.

KATY: Oh Dan, there's been far worse things than a cock on this table.

WAYNE growls: Better not have been them hockey nutsacks.

KATY: I'm a big girl, Wayne. None of your business what nutsacks I'm spending time with.

WAYNE, begrudgingly: True.

DAN: You knows whats you're afters, miss Katys, and that's what I appreciates about you.

KATY, flirtatiously: Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?

WAYNE: Take about ten, twenty percent off her over there Squirrelly Dan.

DAN, looking at the table: Oh hey look. A cock. What is sets most unhygenicallys on the table we eats off ofs.

KATY: Jesus Dan. Hop off our cocks.

WAYNE: Besides, you're a bigger degen than Dary if you eat directly off the table.

DAN: Where is Darys anyways? Ain't like him to miss such a magnificents cocks.

DARY enters the KITCHEN: Sorry I'm late. Spent all morning wrangling my cock into its cage.

DAN, sympathetically: Its was giving yous some troubles thens?

DARY: Kept making itself all big and plumped up. Couldn't get it to fit in the cage. Ended up having to really wrassle with it for a good long while.

KATY: Could say you had to take your cock firmly in hand there, Dary?

WAYNE: Pert near had to choke that chicken, I'd imagine.

DARY: Pert near.

DAN: But yous gots it settled downs and ins its cage?

DARY nods and hefts a rooster in a wire cage into frame: Yup. Tuckered it out eventually. Now it's placid as anything.

WAYNE: Now that's a handsome cock, Dary. A right handsome cock.

DARY, bashful: Aw, it ain't nothing special. Not like yours, Wayne.

WAYNE SHIFTS OUT OF THE WAY. PAN TO ROOSTER ON THE TABLE.

DARY:  Now that's a real handsome cock, and well behaved to boot.

WAYNE: Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Youwannaknowwhat? Here's the scoop and I'm gonna tell ya. I look at your cock and I think, well, I think: good for you buddy. Just like, good for you bud. Like I'm real proud of ya, Dary.

DAN: It's a mightys fines cocks, Dary. Yous gots every rights to be prouds.

KATY: Nothing wrong with a spirited cock, anyways.

DARY, bashful: Still reckon yours'll be the cock to beat down the Ag Festival, Wayne.

WAYNE: Oh it's a handsome cock all right.

KATY: A beautiful cock.

WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.

DARY: Not to be pulling your own horn over there.

DAN: Oh yous shoulds nevers do thats. Leastwise nots ins mixed companies.

KATY: Says you.

WAYNE, abrupt: No hard feelings Dary. Regardless of who beats whose cock.

DARY: No hard feelings.

WAYNE holds his hand straight out for DARY to shake: Then may the man with the best cock win.

LETTERKENNY TITLE BUT THERE IS A ROOSTER INSTEAD OF A DOG.

ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF A FAIRGROUD.

EXTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING.

INTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING. WAYNE, KATY, DARY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN are standing around a table with ROOSTERS in cages on it. The DYCKS and the HOCKEY PLAYERS are also there, standing further down the room.

GLEN enters with a clipboard, officiators badge: Wayne! How're you now?

WAYNE: Good'nyou?

GLEN: Oh, I'm just dripping with excitement to be judging all y'alls cocks. Especially yours Wayne.

WAYNE squints into the distance.

DAN: You're judgings the competitions?

GLEN: Indeed I am, Daniel. Although admittedly I misunderstood the nature of the event when I first volunteered to judge. But! I have plenty of experience judging cocks from my years on the family poultry farm. The cocks I raised as a youth...

WAYNE: Pitter patter.

GLEN: Well, fine. If you don't appreciate hearing about my cock judging credentials.

DARY, snickering: Pretty sure pert near everyone in town knows 'bout those.

GLEN: True but uncalled for, Daryl!

NOAH DYCK, joining the hicks: I for one think it is admirable that Preacher Glen has experience handling and judging cocks. And from his boyhood, once.

WAYNE: Noah.

NOAH: Wayne.

DARY: Mr. Dyck.

NOAH: Daryl.

DAN: Noahs Dycks.

NOAH: Daniel. A pity Lovina Dyck could not make it to the cock judging. I'm certain she would have had she known you were showing your cock. For is it not true, mine wife, that the love tree often bears fruit when a young man parades his cock before his sweetheart, once?

ANITA approaches: What nonsense are you speaking now, Noah?

NOAH: Simply that a Dyck chooses a lifemate in part by how well she-

KATY: Or he.

DAN: Ors theys.

NOAH: -raises a cock. Did not you impress me with your cock raising skills when first we were courting?

ANITA, blushing: You say too much, husband.

NOAH: And did not you help raise this cock which I am showing proudly this day, once? Why without mine Anita Dyck's loving and tender hand, this cock would be but small and limp and lifeless.

ANITA: Us Snatches have always had a way with cocks, as well you know.

NOAH: A good thing too. Us Dycks require a skilled hand with raising our cocks. Lovina will be delighted to know you've raised such a magnificent cock as are being shown here this day. Perhaps I shall send one of my young sons to go fetch her, once. So that she might see your cock.

DAN, hurriedly: Oh nos, I'm nots showings anybodys anythings. That's all Waynes and Darys.

GLEN: Daryl! I didn't realize you were showing your cock today too. Oh, this is so exciting! Me, in the middle of a Daryl/Wayne cock sandwich.

WAYNE growls.

GLEN: Although I don't know how I'm supposed to choose between the two of your cocks. I think it will take some lengthy deliberation.

KATY: This is already taking fucking forever, I'm going to go sit down.

DAN: I'll join yous, miss Katys.

KATY as they leave: Still not over Lovina Dyck, eh?

DAN: I don'ts knows that I'll evers stop thinkings abouts Lovinas Dycks, miss Katys. Ands that's a facts.

KATY and SQUIRRELLY DAN exit.

DARY (aside): Katy's right. This is taking fucking forever.

WAYNE to GLEN: I say again. Pitter. Patter.

GLEN whines.

WAYNE: If a man should be one thing, he should be efficient.

GLEN: Fine. Everyone here? Then lets get y'all registered. What's your cocks' names? I'm sure you've come up with some good ones.

WAYNE: Plenty of good names for cocks.

DARY: Oh, you can have a lot of fun naming cocks.

WAYNE: I'm surprised we're not naming cocks right now.

DARY: Could name one after the fictional prizefighter Cocky Balboa.

WAYNE: Or the legendary real life comedian Chris Cock.

DARY: There's always actor and former wrassler Dwayne the Cock Johnson.

GLEN: Ooh, that's a two-for-one special right there.

WAYNE: Or jazz musician John Cocktrain.

DARY: I like that one.

WAYNE: Not too obscure?

DARY: Nah, it's a gooder. Cultured - but not trying too hard.

GLEN: All right, all right. So what are your cocks' names?

DARY: Cock.

GLEN: Come again? And please note, I'm saying that in a completely different context to the one I usually use.

DARY: My cock's called cock. I din't name the damn thing. I know what it looks like.

WAYNE: Well I should hope so.

DARY: And I only got the one. Not liable to mix it up with someone else's cock.

GLEN: Ok. Fine, Dary. Ruin all my fun. TURNS TO WAYNE. What about you, Wayne? What's the big fella called?

WAYNE: Only nutsacks name their cocks.

RILEY breaking into the group around GLEN: We're all saying our cock's names, boys?

JONESY: Just naming silly cock over here, boys?

RILEY: Just christening silly amounts of cock over here, boys?

WAYNE: Again, only nutsacks name their cocks.

GLEN: Yes, boys. Everyone who's entering the cock judging needs to tell me their cock's name so I can make sure to call out the right name during the handling. It's just so embarrassing to call the cock in your hands by the wrong name...

RILEY: We've got a cock to register for judging, boys.

JONESY: Well, really it's Riley's cock we're entering. And it's a real beauty, buddy.

RILEY: Hey, buddy. It's as much your cock as mine. It is a real beauty though buddy.

JONESY: Just a real beauty of a cock here, boys.

RILEY: Half clapper top cheddar.

JONESY: Guaranteed W. Ferda!

RILEY: Ferda!

GLEN: Now boys, we're talking about roosters here, not actual cocks. Don't feel bad - I too was confused at first. So, while I'm sure Riley's cock is just delightful...

JONESY: It is. He's a registered beautician, buddy.

RILEY: Thanks buddy.

GLEN: Yes. But I just want to stress again – this is the animal we're talking about here.

RILEY: Yeah, boys. Cocks.

JONESY holds up a rooster in a cage: And this is our cock:

RILEY: Four time Stanley Cup winner.

JONESY: Four time Vezina Trophy winner.

RILEY: Hockey hall-of-famer.

JONESY: Goaltender extraordinaire.

RILEY: Terry Sawcock. Ferda!

JONESY: Ferda!

DARY (aside): Kinda surprised they have a whole cock between 'em.

WAYNE: Ain't surprised they share it though, fuck.

DARY: Same way they share a set of testicles. And maybe a tongue.

GLEN: Ooh, don't tempt me Daryl.

WAYNE (turns to RILEY and JONESY): Now where in the hell did yous two nutsacks get a cock from anyways? You better not've stolen it right out from under some poor unsuspecting farmer's nose.

RILEY: We bought it down at the feed store boys.

JONESY: Heard about people keeping chickens as pets boys.

RILEY: How they're so cute and cuddly. Plus free eggs boys.

JONESY: Need plenty of protein to keep up with the gains boys.

RILEY and JONESY flex. GLEN watches avidly. WAYNE is unimpressed.

RILEY: Accidentally bought a rooster though buddy.

JONESY (sadly): Can't get eggs from a rooster buddy.

RILEY: Still a good pet though buddy.

JONESY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us buddy.

RILEY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us on the sofa buddy.

WAYNE: Shouldn't keep farm animals as pets. Fuck.

DARY: Farm animals belong on a farm. S'why they're called farm animals.

WAYNE: Like. You wouldn't let a sow into you're living room. And you wouldn't let a cow into your living room. So why the fuck are you cuddling up on the couch with a cock?

JONESY: Shouldn't knock it till you've tried it.

DARY: I'll knock you.

GLEN: Boys please. Lets not fight. Not when we're all gathered here today for such a noble purpose as comparing cocks.

ALL: Fine.

GLEN: All righty now, let's see. We've got Daryl's cock: cock. We've got Wayne's cock: only nutsacks name their cocks. Riley and Jonesy's collective cock: Terry Sawcock. What do you call your cock, Noah?

NOAH: While there are a great quantity of cocks at the Dyck farm, this is our most quality.

WAYNE: Quality Dyck if you will.

GLEN: Quality Dyck it is.

DARY: Sure 'nough.

WAYNE: Like you see that cock and you say, that's Quality Dyck all right. And no mistake.

GLEN: Mhm! And I know from Quality Dyck. Now, if that's everyone, we can get on with the judging...

MCMURRY barges in: Wait! (Approaching WAYNE) Wayne. How're'you'now? Good'n'you. Ohnotsobad. Okay! (Turns to the GROUP) I, McMurry, am entering my cock in this little competition. So all you sumbitches can make a hole.

GLEN: Well someone's all riled up! You can go ahead and enter your cock right here, McMurry. No need to shout.

DARY (angry): Yeah, no need to bust our balls.

WAYNE (placating): Go have a dart.

DARY (begrudgingly): Yeah, I'll have a dart.

WAYNE and DARY exit.

FADE TO BLACK.

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE AGRICULTURAL FESTIVAL.

ZOOM ON TWO COCK SHAKUR PLAYING FOR A CROWD IN FRONT OF THE AG BUILDING.

PAN OVER KATY AND DAN IN THE AUDIENCE.

ZOOM ON GLEN AS HE ENTERS THE STAGE AT THE FRONT OF THE CROWD.

GLEN: How'reyounow?

AUDIENCE: Good'n'you?

GAIL: All this cock talk's got me wetter than a lighthouse keeper's slicker in a Noreaster, I can tell you that much.

DAN: Gailer!

KATY: First Glen is here judging and now Gail's here.

GAIL approaches KATY and DAN.

DAN: Yeah, Gail. I didn'ts know you were so interesteds in the agriculturals.

GAIL: Less interested in the agriculturals than in seeing some. Good. Hand. Raised. Cock. Specially when I heard Wayne's entered in the cock judging.

DAN to KATY: She knows it's nots actual cocks, rights?

KATY to GAIL: More importantly, is Modean's actually closed?

DAN: Tells me it didn't burns down agains.

KATY: This town needs a fucking bar.

GAIL: Nah, Modean's 3 is still alive and kicking sure as this old goat. But when Glen told me he'd be judging cocks at the agricultural festival I figured the whole fucking town'd be here rather than down Modean's.

DAN: Nots a bad turnsout for Letterkenny's first evers ag festival.

KATY: A great fucking turnout.

GAIL: Plus, I get a chance to see Wayne's cock today – and that's worth a day's profits right there.

KATY: Gross.

GAIL: Not that I've actually lost a day's profits. Bonny's been making the rounds at the Ag festival and apparently, business. Is. Banging.

CUT TO BONNY WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE CROWD WITH A TRAY OF SHOT GLASSES AND BEER BOTTLES.

KATY and DAN whistfully, along with CROWD: Bonny McMurry?

GLEN (impatient): Can I have your attention please!

PAN BACK TO GLEN.

GLEN: The event we've all been waiting for – I know I have – the cock judging. Lets meet our contestants!

GLEN gestures to the stage like a game show host: First up is Wayne!

AUDIENCE applauds.

WAYNE enters with his rooster and stands stoically, hands in belt loops.

GLEN examining the rooster: An impressive cock. Sturdy. Well built. And a real big fella. Nearly eight pounds, and pure muscle. Wayne, I think you've got a real champion cock here.

WAYNE nods stoically.

GAIL: And that's not the only cock of his I hear is impressive.

GLEN: Oooh, tell me more.

WAYNE: Glen.

GAIL: That rooster's not the only cock almost eight somethings.

MCMURRY (from backstage): Wait, is that measured over or under the balls.

GAIL: And plenty of stamina to make it through those cold Canadian winter nights. If. You. Know. What. I. Mean.

GLEN: No, please continue in explicit detail.

WAYNE: Glen!

GLEN: Ok, fine. (Gestures WAYNE to move to the rear of the stage.) Moving along, next up is Dary!

AUDIENCE applauds.

GLEN examining the rooster: Oh, you've got a feisty one here, Dary. Plenty of personality! A little smaller than Wayne's but still an excellent cock. And those freckles are just too cute!

DARY: Aw, thanks Glen.

GLEN: And I'd happily take a look at your other cock if you want, Daryl.

DARY: Thanks for the offer Glen, but like I said, I only got the one.

GLEN: Oh never mind.

GLEN waves DARY off the stage.

DARY moves to stand next to WAYNE.

GLEN: Here's our next contestant, Noah Dyck!

AUDIENCE applauds.

GLEN: Now this is something special, y'all. An excellent example of a Canadian heritage breed, known for being an excellent layer and quite robust as well. Yes, I think we can all agree that this is certainly Quality Dyck right here.

NOAH: Thank you Preacher Glen. Such comments mean much coming from such an experienced judge of cocks as yourself.

GLEN: Oh, Noah. You'll make me blush. (GLEN rapidly ushers NOAH to stand next to DARY and WAYNE)  Anywho, our next contestant is Riley and Jonesy!

AUDIENCE applauds with some confusion.

DAN: What, both of thems? Collectivelys?

KATY: It makes sense. They do everything else together.

DAN: Everythings?

GAIL: Ev. Ry. Thing.

DAN: Katy?

KATY: Can confirm.

DAN: Wow. Didn'ts needs to knows thats.

KATY: You did ask.

GAIL: It's not like we gave you a blow. By. Blow account. But if you really want to know...

GLEN: This cock's a little smaller than the ones we've seen previously. Not as much muscle – might want to exercise it a little more, boys. Just really put it through it's paces.

SHORESY: Yeah! Give your balls a tug titfuckers!

RILEY: Fuck you, Shoresy! Where's your cock, if you think you're so good!

SHORESY: Fuck you Riley! If you want to know about my cock, just ask your mom. She saw plenty of it last night. Rode me so hard reverse cowgirl style I thought she was going to snap it off.

JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!

SHORESY: Don't worry, Jonesy. Your mom was there to kiss it all better.

RILEY and JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!

GLEN: Well! All audience commentary aside, I think you've got a very shapely cock, Riley. And I think if you put in the time, worked hard and raised it properly, you could have a real champion cock on your hands.

RILEY: Thanks, boys!

JONESY: Yeah, thanks boys!

GLEN: You're welcome. Now go sit down so we can get to our next contestant!

RILEY and JONESY fistbump and move to join the others.

McMURRY pushes forward through the other contestants: Yes, I McMurry am here to have my cock judged in front of all of you. And I'm gonna win this cocksucking cock competition, just you watch.

MRS McMURRY: Knock 'em dead, baby. Love you.

McMURRY: Love you too baby.

GLEN (awkward): Well, this cock's a little on the small side...

KATY: And that's a little bit of an understatement.

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: It's fucking tiny, McMurry. I've got a bigger cock hatched out an egg yesterday.

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #2: How'd you get a woman like Mrs. McMurry with a tiny cock like that?

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: You're a piece of shit, McMurry.

MRS McMURRY: Don't listen to him. Your cock's perfect, baby.

GLEN: Yes, well. They say it's not size that counts, but in this case – and a few others – that's just not true. Sorry, McMurry. You're out of the competition.

McMURRY: Goldangit all! (Exits STAGE mumbling profanities)

MRS McMURRY rushes after him.

GLEN: Now on to our last competitor! Modean Three's own Bonny McMurry!

AUDIENCE applauds.

DAN: I's hads no ideas she raised cocks.

KATY: I seem to remember her raising your cock pretty frequently there Dan.

DAN: I seems to remembers yous were plentys affected as well, Miss Katy.

KATY: What can I say? I like a woman with a championship cock.

GLEN: And what an excellent cock it is! A little on the slender side, but shapely! And what a lovely temperament. Outgoing without being pushy! Oh, it's just gorgeous!

WAYNE (aside to Dary): Now that's a lovely cock.

DARY: It's a beautiful cock for sure.

WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.

GLEN: I think we have a winner folks! Let's hear it for Bonny McMurry's excellent cock!

FADE OUT TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AS BONNY McMURRY ACCEPTS A TROPHY.

SHOT OPENS ON THE PRODUCE STAND. WAYNE, DAN, AND DARY ARE SITTING IN THEIR USUAL SEATS WITH THEIR USUAL PUPPERS. KATYS CHAIR IS TAKEN BY WAYNE AND DARY'S ROOSTERS.

DAN: Recon Miss Katies is going to wants her seats back anytimes soons?

WAYNE: I imagine she's occupied for the evening.

DARY: Can't really blame her. I mean, who knew Bonny McMurry had such a championship cock?WAYNE: Hell, anybody'd want to go celebrate down MoDean's after a win like that. She's more than earned it, showing up all our cocks like that.

DARY: Still, there's no shame in coming second, good buddy.

DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.

WAYNE: I reckon you're right there, Dary. Andyouwannaknowwhat? Ain't no shame in coming third neither.

DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.

WAYNE stands and holds his hand out for DARY to shake: Congratulations Dary. That's a mighty fine cock you've got there.

DARY stands and shakes WAYNE's hand: Not as nice as yours, Wayne. Congratulations on the cock.

WAYNE and DARY sit.

WAYNE looks at where the roosters are sitting next to each other: Well, I'll give those hockey nutsacks this. They are cuddly little fuckers, aren't they?

DARY hawks a loogie in agreement.

WAYNE: Still not letting 'em in the fucking house though.

WAYNE, DARY, and DAN take a drink of PUPPERS.

CREDITS ROLL.