#also john would be so fucking hairy i’ve figured out like his legs are just covered like a carpet

[stellewriites]

i can’t remember who was on my tl last month saying they wanted more trans 141 rep bc it helped w their dysphoria but just know u inspired john being trans in already spoken for and it’s like the reason it’s multichap now 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[vanderlindegangreact]

The gang react to running across a supernatural being/creature.

My dearest friend request this prompt, and I thought it be something cool to write about. As for the supernatural creature/ being I thought I do a werewolf because I think it’s they may find near the camp, anyway Enjoy!

It’s a late at night at near the Van der Linde camp, everything is quiet, but the moon was illuminating everything in it’s path, causing eerie shadows to appear everything. Then a howl breaks through the calm revere living anxiety in the air.

Arthur: He takes his gun from his side and tells a few gents to come check it out with him, He ends up taking Javier, John and Charles, they try and take their horses but their too spook, so they end up on foot. Arthur will never forget what he saw; a creature hairy tall on it’s hind legs, with the face of a wolf and the physical body features of a man. They were hiding behind a rock hearts pounding when the creatures head turned and looked in their direction.

Dutch: Back at the camp Dutch was pacing, before he heard another howl and the sounds of gun fire. His hands clenched and unclenched think about his boys out there with a pack of wolves or whatever it was, then he saw something in the distance and his heart nearly stopped as his fingers went to his gun he never seen such a creature. However before he could do anything Hosea was beside him.

Hosea: He had notice the creature before Dutch did, he also saw the boys running after it, trying to get it away from the camp with gun fires, the creature ran on it’s hind and front legs like a wolf but, this was one beast Hosea has not seen. He aim his hunting rifle at the creature and shot in the chest, the creature falter just outside of camp. His fingers were shaking over the trigger.

Kirean: He was still in his tent when everything was happening, but when he heard the first howl, his blood ran cold, he took his gun out of his holster and stepped outside weary, when he saw the creature face down outside the camp, he almost fell to the ground in shock, “What in goddamn hell is that?!” He said in feared hushes.

Sean: He was keeping guard while the boy went to see what the problem was, he was a bit discouraged he had to miss any action but he soon forgot about it. when he saw the creature run towards the camp, his finger froze on the trigger of his gun and he was shaking, he froze up he couldn’t move,when he saw the creature get shot, he fell to the ground and took off his hat shaking. “Jesus...”

Charles: Charles had went with Arthur initially and he was looking at the ground on the way their to see if he could find any wolf tracks, but what he found was entirely different, “Thats not like any wolf I’ve ever seen..”.  When he actually saw the creature from behind the rock, his jaw dropped and his finger almost went slack on his gun before tightening his grip ready to aim. However went the creature turned tail towards the camp, he felt his legs running after it before Arthur had even said a word.

Micah: He was sitting by the fire, when he heard the first howl, he swallowed trying to shake off any nerves he had, it was just wolves nothing to be afraid of those cow pokes could take care of them easily enough, that's when he heard one of the girls scream and saw Hosea aiming his hunting rifle, The beast was running towards the camp with those knuckle heads on its tail, he reached for his gun but the old man had already shot it in the chest, he lower his weapon for once lost for words.

Karen, Tilly, Mary-beth and Ms Grimshaw: They were help doing the cleaning up and getting ready for bed. when the heard the first howl, “ AInt wolves this close are they?” Mary-beth asked, “Keep cleaning the boys will figure out what’s wrong.” Grimshaw said quietly smoking a cigarette rolling the paper between her fingers, trying to wave off her worry. Tilly was the one that screamed when she saw the creature running toward came this alerted Ms Grimshaw who stepped in from of the girls instinctively but also in a bit of shock, jumping slightly when she heard the gun shot from Hosea, Karen looked from behind her shoulder with fear and wonderment, “What the hell is that thing.”

Javier: He was more weary then most of the others he had heard stories of creatures that dwelled in forest during the full moon that ate children and unsuspecting travelers. He knew they were just stories but he couldn’t help think of the stories of the Nahual from his childhood. When they got to the rock, he’d never admit to the other but he almost had a heart attack, when he saw the creature his legs almost falling out from under him.

Swanson: He was sitting by the fire with a bottle in his hand, head swaying slightly he had a dose of morphine not to long ago and everything seem fizzy and out of focus, not to mention with the alcohol. When he heard the screaming he dropped the bottle his reflexes to slow to catch it, dropped to the dirt floor, he turned his head left and right not understanding what was going on. Until he saw it running towards the camp, his. eye widened and he thought he was seeing things, he turned away and gripped his head, the gun shot making everything more overwhelming.

John: He was out of his mind with shock when he saw the creature from where they were hiding, “What the fuck is that?” He whispered to Arthur who cover his mouth with his hand, before the creature bolted after sniffing the air towards the goddamn camp, his almost cried out and started running he had to make sure Jack and Abigail would be okay.

Trelawny: He didnt stay at camp often and this experience may cement that fact, He had been talking with Hosea until the man stopped dead in his track and got to his feet without saying a word, this was unexpected but when he looked into the distance where the camp begun, he saw some sort of dog bounding towards them, but then it wasn’t a dog it was..ludicrous of course not it couldn’t be, but before he had time to finish his thought a gun shot rang through the air.

Lenny: He was reading a book close to the fire, when the first howl had happened he offered to go with Arthur but he was turned down, said some men outta stay here, encase something happened. He was really immersed in his book when Tilly screamed. He jumped to his feet grabbing his gun looking around for the threat, when he saw it. He faltered...Was that a..a..? He read about them in books about mythology but he never thought..Thank God for Hosea.

Strauss: The first howl was ignored as was the second, but he couldn’t ignore the screaming, he came out of his tent to witness the bounding creature, and he fell back on to the ground with shock, he sat their even after Hosea shot the animal, he never seen anything in all his years, he brought a hand to his pounding chest.

After the creature was shot their was a moments of laboured breathing and stillness, some gathered around to look at the creature once the coast was clear, but others kept their distance. After a few moments they creature turned into a man, and everyone was in complete and utter shock.

[binickandros]

So um. A thing happened the other day and I’m. Not sure how I should feel about it? I mean...part of me is horrified and part of me just feels fucking stupid and part of me thinks I’m a fucking drama queen and...I don’t know.

(this is really long and fairly nsfw and is about, ya know. Possible rape. So I mean...)

I went out with a guy the other night. We’d been talking 3 weeks or so, and he seemed super sweet. Supportive of all I’ve been going through. Friendly and easy to talk to. A tiny bit...emotionally manipulative at times, which was why it took me so long to go out with him, but it’s not like I was hunting for a boyfriend, so it wasn’t a huge deal.

We were both pretty broke, so instead of going out I went over to his place. He’d bought hard cider and we were drinking a bit. Talking. Like, we didn’t even turn the tv on for hours because we were just talking. At first I wasn’t 100% sure he was into me, bc he was sitting as far away on the couch as he could and seemed really nervous.

As the evening went on he got more comfortable (and...drunker...tho never DRUNK), and eventually we turned on a movie and he scooted up next to me. He started goofing around, poking me and tickling me a bit. Sometimes he’d poke too hard and I’d tell him to stop bc it hurt and he’d laugh. “I didn’t even poke that hard!”

A couple of times he draped himself across me so that I was pressed up against the arm of the couch and couldn’t really move. I didn’t like that. I asked him to move, told him I couldn’t breathe well. I’m getting over a cold (still) and my lung capacity isn’t the greatest right now. He told me he wasn’t lying on my lungs, but I said he was smushing my boobs into my chest, which made it hard to breathe. Eventually he moved, but I guess I should’ve taken it as a warning sign and left then. I don’t know.

Eventually we started kissing, and making out, and it was really nice. I told him I hadn’t shaved my legs and I was wearing jeans because I didn’t intend to have sex with him that night. He kinda laughed and said, “Your legs are hairy?” I was like, “Well not BIGFOOT hairy, but yeah!” He just shrugged. “I don’t care.”

I thought it was kinda cute, so I laughed and we kissed some more, but then I told him again I wasn’t having sex with him that night. Eventually he pushed me back onto the couch (which was fine) and we were making out pretty hot and heavy. His hand kept drifting between my legs and I kept moving it. At one point he asked me if it was too much, and I told him it just wasn’t what I wanted.

At one point he straddled me, sort of pinning me down, and was rubbing against me. Not only was it not what I wanted, but also I REALLY had to pee. I told him that, and he laughed and got up.

I thought taking a break would help us both cool down, and when I got back we could go back to the movie and maybe some kissing, but when I walked out of the bathroom he was in bed.

I was surprised, but I sat down on the bed next to him and we talked a bit. I told him again I didn’t want to have sex that night. Eventually I got into bed with him, fully clothed except for my shrug, and we were making out some more. At one point he took off his shorts, but when I told him I wouldn’t kiss him when he was naked, he put them back on.

Eventually I ended up taking my bra and top off, and then suddenly he was on top of me. I was still wearing my jeans, but they were cutting off circulation (look, trying to be in bed in jeans?? not fun!!) so he moved while I took them off. When he came back he was naked and he had a condom, which he put on the bedside table. I thought okay, well, just in case, I guess, but he’s not rolling it on so he knows it’s not happening right now.

Then he was on top of me again, and he yanked my legs up around him...which I mean is a much more ya know SEXUAL position than him just lying between my legs. He was rubbing against me, and then thrusting against me, and it felt good but also kind of hurt.

At that point I told him to fuck me, because he was on top of me and his dick was out and yeah I was turned on...but also...I didn’t want to argue with him. I didn’t want to have to tell him to stop and....maybe he wouldn’t stop? Like how he hadn’t stopped poking me, or lying on top of me, back on the couch. And if he wouldn’t stop, then what? What could I do?

So I told him to fuck me and he did and then later he told me when he was thrusting against me he thought he was inside me, and it wasn’t until I said something that he realized he wasn’t. So basically he thought he was fucking me before I actually gave him permission to do so.....which just makes my feelings even more mixed and fucked up......

I told the boy all of this, and his immediate reaction was to call the guy a rapist. I hadn’t really used the r-word before because??? I did tell him to go ahead?? At the point that I gave him permission, part of me DID want to have sex with him???

But at the same time......I feel like...he shouldn’t have taken things to that point in the first place. I mean. I should have stopped things but up until the moment that his penis was literally rubbing against me I still thought it was just heavy petting/making out. Like I thought he KNEW I didn’t want to have sex and it was just a third base type thing. AND ALSO he hadn’t gotten the condom, so I figured as long as the condom was safely on the nightstand, he wasn’t gonna be fuckin.

Then when I realized oops no that...isn’t the case...apparently...I said yes. I also thought he’d stop and put the condom on, which he didn’t do. I’m on the pill (which he knew), and he pulled out (I know), but still. It was like false advertising of safe sex.

I don’t know. The whole thing has me so mixed up. I’m so ANGRY: angry at myself, angry at him, angry angry angry. I should have gone home when he made me uncomfortable, but also at that point I was pretty tipsy and wasn’t 100% sure I was safe to drive. And it didn’t seem like THAT big a deal.

But I guess...like if any of y’all have read this far, my advice to you is not to ignore your instincts. If a guy’s behavior raises red flags for you, trust that. Take yourself out of the situation. Don’t think you’re overreacting. Don’t trust that he’s “just joking” or “oh no he’s a nice guy he wouldn’t...”

Because he might. I was entirely into making out with him. I might even have gone down on him. But I didn’t want to have sex, and he knew that, and it happened anyway. I said “yes” in the moment, but it wasn’t a yes that makes you feel good later.

Was I raped? I honestly don’t know. Coerced consent, for sure, but does that make it rape in this case? I hate using that word because I feel like I’m belittling other rape victims (like REAL rape victims), because what happened to me was largely my own doing, and it wasn’t even until I reflected on it later that I realized how wrong and upsetting it was. How can I have ~trauma from something I said yes to?

Three days later I woke up to a “dear john” type text from him telling me his life is really messed up rn and he doesn’t want to drag me down into it, especially after everything I’ve “been through.” But pressuring me into sex I told you multiple times I didn’t want is totally cool? Gotcha.

I just feel stupid and upset and stupid for being upset. I told him to fuck me! It felt good! After I felt...weird...but not, like, victimized. Driving home I had some mixed feelings, but when I texted my friend about it I was just like “yeah we fucked. he fucked my brains out!” because ho life!! Right?

Right.

[meanwhileinoz]

People Share The Grossest Things That Have Ever Happened To Them During Sex That’ll Make You Barf

Let’s face it. Everybody love sex. The experience of sex is distinct and truly one of its own kind. Honestly, life would be so boring without it. However, even though sex is as great as it can get, it does “come” with some situations that can sometimes get awkward and very unpleasant. Here are some of the stories from Reddit that people have shared.

CAUTION: THIS IS HIGHLY NSFW.

#1 Reading this by fineblushlane will make you want to think TWICE before randomly giving head to someone you don’t know.

So a few years ago I had brought a new girl back to my apartment after being out drinking all evening. We were too drunk to make the beast with two backs so we passed out until morning.

When we awoke we started kissing and canoodling and I decided to go down on her. This is one of my favorite things and generally will do it as long as it takes to make a girl orgasm…

Anyway, I head down south and pull down her panties to see the hairiest bush i’ve ever seen in my life. Not only is it hairy but the hair is very long and also messy looking, kind of bedraggled. Like a homeless guys beard or an abandoned birds nest.

Slightly less enthused but still determined I plunged in face-first and started getting busy. The taste of this beaver, if possible, was worse than it looked. It was fetid and bitter and to make matters worse I had numerous pubic hairs caught in my throat which were tickling me and making me cough.

I decided to pull back for a second to regain my composure. I thought if I pulled open her lady-bits I might be able to have a better angle of attack on her clit. I opened up her pussy to a terrible sight. There were multiple lumps of what looked like cottage cheese dotted around her pussy lips and clit.Each lump ranged from a few millimeters in width to half a centimeter in size. It looked like some sort of fungus was growing there.

Needless to say I was fucking revolted and started gagging. I knew that despite my love of pussy I could not go down on her again without puking my guts up. I mumbled some excuse about a headache and not feeling good and fled to the bathroom, whereupon I spent ten minutes washing my mouth out and brushing my teeth.

Even now I shudder when I think back upon “cottage cheese pussy girl”.

Edit: A friend just pointed out to me that the girl from my story is now the Lehman Bros of spank bank material. Perhaps if you ever have a boner and want to lose it sharpishly you can think of cottage cheese?

#2 This story by SisterNamedJan took the famous phrase “Giving someone the taste of their own medicine” to a whole new level.

  He pulled it out to come on my face, I was unprepared and snorted his semen up my nose. We started making out and I sneezed his semen onto his own face.

Probably grosser for him than for me, but not by much.

  #3 Aaaaaa667’s girl is definitely a keeper

  I had recently found a new girlfriend. A cute, blonde girl with lots of curves in all the right places. We had been together for a little while (this was back when I was a Jr. in college and she was a freshman) when we went to this huge party. We both ended up getting totally trashed and wound up back at my place. Needless to say I was waaay to drunk to get any bidnass done that night. The next morning we woke up and started to get it on. For some reason, Im always really randy after a night of heavy drinking. Anyway…midway through the sex, we are doing it doggy style with her on all 4 at the edge of the bed and me standing behind her on the floor. I am hammering away like a rabbid jackrabbit when, all of a sudden, i get that sour food, extra saliva feeling in my mouth. I knew what was coming but it was too late. As the puke surged up my esophagus, I clenched my hands over my mouth in a death grip, but to no avail. I spun around and tried to aim for my waste bin….but it was no use. I ended up projectile vomiting in about a 3/4 circle. I managed to go from her right side, across that wall, across the wall behind me (and the bookcase that was there), all over the waste bin, and i over spun and went passed the waste bin and got it on my floor and the bed on her left side. Luckily, only some puke flak got on her back….

She’s a great girl though, that was 3 years ago and we are still together…

  #4 This one by kidmonsters almost made me puke.

  I was in a band in college and we played a show this one weekend. I was pretty smashed after drinking for free all night, and this surprisingly cute chick saunters up and started with the whole, “oh my god, you like write songs and stuff?” Despite the fact that I am usually a bit shy in situations like this, she had her arm around me and is doing all the work. “Fuck it, let’s do this,” I think to myself. While she is mid-sentence, I grabbed her hand and started walking her out the door.

We headed back to her apartment, and things started to heat up. We were on her bed, ripping off eachother’s clothes. Suddenly, in one swift move, she pounced me, knocked me onto my back, jumped on top of me, spun around and started sucking me off, 69 style. I was totally into it, and started reciprocating. Only a few moments pass before I felt a tap on my forehead. My face was fully between her legs, yet there was this tap tap tap on my forehead. Every couple of seconds, tap tap tap. This tapping continued and started to take me out of the moment. I pried my face from between her legs to get a better view of what was going on. To my horror, I witnessed, dangling from her asshole, a fucking tape worm, bouncing like a fettuccine noodle with every excited movement she made. I was totally disgusted, but kind of in shock, and she had no idea what is going on, just gobbling away down there. Before I knew it, I had thrown her off of me and I was stringing together a long series of “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” as I put on my pants and ran out the door.

  So, the boy and I like some backdoor fun from time to time. We talk about it more than we do it because it’s tiresome to get ready and clean up after… usually worth it though ;). One Saturday afternoon, the boy is performing some world class cuminonumbulus when I feel a pressure at my nether orifice. I soon realised he was using some beads on me. We had some filthy and very very satisfying sex, then I went to the bathroom to clean up without removing the beads.

I’m so glad I did that.

I sat on the toilet to get the beads out.

I’m so glad I did that.

Those beads were solidly embedded in a great big turd.

I just stared at it dumbly for a moment before the smell hit me.

  #6 That has got to hurt. _NetWorK_ hope its ok now.

I had this happen to me too, got home from working a night shift 8pm to 8am went at it with the wife then noticed a bit of blood, figured oh she started her period got off went to the washroom to clean up then noticed blood on the bathroom floor figured I must of have not wiped the underside, my stomach churned when I saw that my frenulum (banjo string) was now in two pieces. This is when the pain starts…

Had to call my friend who worked close to my house get him to get out of work 30 minutes early to drive me to the hospital. Here’s the main content of our conversation.

“Hey John, it’s Mike can you drive me to the hospital? I think I broke it.” “Broke what?” “IT man” “Oh shit I’ll be right over”

The trip to the hospital was another story within itself, ended up having a to have it packed with surgical skin graph (they are special bandages that are meant to promote skin repairs) and not use it for 5 days… I waited 3 and now it’s all messed up it can pop out whenever it wants and where it’s suppose to stop it just keeps rolling back… I really should have waited to extra 2 days 🙁

#7 That accelerated quickly. Darzel’s experience is more of a lesson.

Girl beneath me, rolls me over onto my back – in the process we roll off the bed and we land on the floor, me on the bottom and her still straddling me. Her leg went straight through a big glass of water. Blood everywhere. She had lacerated her leg straight to the bone in a clean cut: I could see her muscle. Within ten minutes of our initial playing around there were 6 firemen and 3 policemen in the room (she was mental and shouted down the phone that I had a gun so they would come sooner). I was high and drunk and so her roomie took control. Paralysed by shock and weed, I had to hide while they took her in the ambulance as she was THAT crazy that I was expecting her to call rape.

She required 62 stiches, 40 on the muscle covering her shin.

This is the singular most traumatic experience of my life

  #8 Love is in the air, is it not mads-8?

Sixty-Nine. She came. She farted. My hair blew in it’s fetid breeze.

  #9 When you are really determined, you do what apatton19 did.

A girl I had been dating for awhile climbed on me for 69. As she scooted back, I saw something white, realized too late that it was a clump of toilet paper, and got it in my mouth. Pretty nasty, but I spit it out and kept going.

  #10 Oh my, you don’t see that every day now do you? By amaacct.

I work in an emergency room. One time we had a patient who had a colostomy (for those who don’t know, this is a surgically placed hole in the abdomen where shit comes out of after the colon is rerouted away from the ass)

Anyway, some girl comes in once with an infection in her stoma (abdominal shithole). Turns out it was gonorrhea. Her husband had been cheating on her, picked it up and had been fucking her in her stoma

  #11 Parallel universe version of ‘don’t forget to pull out’ by hong_kong_phooey

  Having sex with my wife, and then noticing that something didn’t feel quite right, she still had a tampon in from 4 days prior…and i had to help pull it out….

  #12 Tellme_areyoufree ‘s poor roommate will never think about this the same way again.

Freshman year of college, I met this guy and brought him back to my dorm (I’m also a guy). He seemed nice and everything, and he was cute, and we started to fuck around. Eventually he decided he wanted to bottom (i.e. get fucked), and so we started having intercourse…

I started to smell the distinct smell of fecal matter very soon. I thought “whatever, I guess you should expect a little smell when having anal sex.” I continued, and the smell continued to get worse.

Eventually, we finish, and I pull out – only to see a stream of shit spew out of his ass. It was everywhere. I mean, fucking everywhere. It was explosive diarrhea-type shit, on my bed, on me, on the wall even.

… and then my roomate walked in.

I found out later that the dude had a severe bowel problem of some kind, and really shouldn’t have bottomed. My ex-roomate is still a friend of mine, and I still have to assure him that that’s not what gay sex generally looks like.

#13 Quite not what Pict was expecting..

Sucking a chicks nipple in the dark. She was loving it. All of a sudden there is liquid.. Lactating.. sick. So keep going, she seems to be loving it.

Lights come on, dun dun dunnn, I had been sucking the pus out of a boil.

  #14 This story by TI-83 doesn’t have a happy ending.

I remember this story happening to an acquaintance a few years ago.. So said acquaintance meets up with a few friends and they roadtrip for a night of drinking and debauchery in Canadia. The group ends up at a strip club and the protagonist of the story ends up picking up one of the strippers by the nights end. For some unknown reason, this guy thought it was a good idea to go down on the stripper before they do the nasty. They all drive home the next day and all is good. The day after driving back, the guy wakes up in the morning and can’t open his eyes and proceeds to freak out. Paramedics are called. Turns out that the stripper he had gone down on had crabs. The crabs had gotten into his eyelashes and surrounding areas. Literally his eyes were crusted shut from the various liquids his body expelled (blood, plasma, etc.) as a result of the crabs feeding off his lifeblood. Horrible stuff.

  #15 Pay heed to what Sobe86 says at the end.

I was going out with a girl, and one night we got drunk and had sex without protection. She wasn’t on the pill, so she had to go to the pharmacy and get a morning-after type thing.

So a few days later, we were fooling around in the dark. I fingered her a bit, went down on her. I noticed it tasted a little weirder than normal, but didn’t say anything. She repaid me in similar fashion. Afterwards I go to the bathroom, and turn the light on. My whole face and arms are covered in blood. I look like a vampire after a feeding frenzy. Initially I thought it was a cut on my face or something, but I couldn’t find anything wrong. Also, the blood was not like any blood I’d seen before, like it was really thick and gooey. So I go back to the bedroom, turn the light on, and her entire lower regions are bathed in this syrupy horrible red gunk. It’s all over the bed sheets, and all down the side of her legs.

She understandably freaks out. We call emergency services etc. At first we thought I cut her down there with my fingernails or something. But it turns out when a girl uses emergency contraception, it can wreak havoc with her menstrual cycle. And I spent 5 minutes lapping up her period blood. We never spoke of it again. Remember kids: if she isnt on the pill, use a fucking condom.

  #16 I-330‘s guy will never keep a pet cat.

Last summer my husband and I were living with roommates who had a cat. We were drinking and started getting hot and heavy, he stripped down and jumped on the bed, said something about it being wet and jumped back up. One of us had left our bedroom door cracked and the cat had gotten stuck in the room, and pooped all over our bed. Worse is that apparently this cat was sick with worms. My poor husband was covered in kitty diarrhea, blood and worms.

#17 What emorrow64 shares is more than just a bad experience.

Goin down on a guy can be like being locked in the trunk of a car with old cheese. WASH YOUR BALLS! And it wouldn’t hurt to trim a lil. The grossest sexual encounter I’ve had was a guy who sweat so profusely it was dripping on me, then he flipped his sweaty ass around into my face to attempt what I can only assume was a 69 position but was more like bein force fed a butt sandwich and I could see the sweat glistening on his ass/ball hair, that, and the cheez smell coming from his balls made my eyes water and I threw him off me and ran to the shower. 30 minutes of soap and hot water and I still didn’t feel clean.

  #18 An all-time classic story by rivalthecreator but just as unpleasant at the same time.

Steve and his girlfriend Samantha went off to college in August. She went to Florida State, he went to Penn. So, she decides to fly to PA to visit him. He was really happy to see her so he decided to give her some oral action.

He had done this numerous times before and he always enjoyed doing it…but for some reason, this time, she smelled really horrible, and she tasted even worse. He didn’t want to offend her though because he hadn’t seen her in months…so he put a Jolly Rancher in his mouth to cover it up, even though it didn’t do much to help.

In the course of eating her out, he accidentally pushed the candy inside of her… and stuck a finger in to grab it out. He took it out, and put it back into his mouth and bit it. Only…it wasn’t the Jolly Rancher.

It was a nodule of gonorrhea.

As in, the blister-like structure that gonorrhea makes filled with diseased pus was the size of a fucking Jolly Rancher and the poor guy BIT it. I guess it was really dark in the room. He freaked out and started vomiting all over the place when it exploded in his mouth…

He demanded to know what was going on, turns out she had cheated on him at a club like, the first week of college, and fucked some random guy and the stupid bitch had no clue what was wrong with her. She noticed a strange smell though.

So now, Steve is freaking out that he now has gonorrhea of the mouth and God knows what else.

#19 The description by Criscoxl is actually gross, but the thing as a whole is very cute!

So this one time I’m having sex with my girlfriend right, and it was all good and sexy so we finish up and everything seems cool.

Then about 9 months later a fucking little human being comes out of her pussy! I mean just like pops out and I saw that shit with my own eyes!

The little fucker is still living with us.

http://ift.tt/2fytvHN

[shadystudenttalks-blog]

CO2

1

Culottes are the best.

As someone who speaks french I was confused when I first heard of these,

In english it means a pair of wide legged, flowy pants,

In french it means underwear.

You could understand why I was confused when my mother’s work friends came home and raved about the new fashion statement.

And while underwear is pretty awesome, I think culottes have them beat.

They can make the girl with “boy” hair look fashionable and feminine,

Feminine?

2

Hot tea,

The kind you place on your thigh to cool it down, because at that point,

Your heart feels colder than your tea.

Hot tea,

The kind you make when you wake up because your fifteen year old body can’t handle the caffeine in coffee so you settle for earl grey instead.

Hot tea,

The kind you wanted in the middle of the day and so you lied to your school nurse.

You told Miss Magguie that your stomach hurt and the only thing that could calm it down,

Was a nice hot cup of tea.

3

Hot showers

My god aren’t those the best?

In contrary to hot tea but also complimentary is covers your naked body in steaming water,

And they are so great that they pretty much have their own phrases,

Shower thoughts? When you have your best thoughts in the shower because showers make everything better.

Singing in the shower? You sound better in the shower, don’t you deny it, and you know why? Showers are magical. (shut up scientists)

4

Clean sheets.

This might be the best one yet.

One of my favorite memories as a kid is coming home at eleven or midnight, being 7 years old and exhausted, and forced to brush my teeth.

But then,

With clean teeth and new pajamas, you lift the sheet as little as you can, just enough to slip through.

5

Smiles.

Not big giant can’t be contained smiles, although we’ll talk about those later,

I’m talking about the subtle smiles,

The ones that say “I’m nervous to talk to you but I think I like you and you’re funny”

Those are perfect.

The ones that say, “You’re hilarious but I’m self conscious about my teeth and I want you to like me”

Those are sad.

The ones that say, “You’re perfect but we’ve known each other so long that to tell you I only need to smile”

Those are two dimensional.

6

Musicals.

Now, apologies to the idiots who think that musical theater hurts their ears because it awakens mine.

But oh! The dramatic key changes, the way music can make Shrek seems relatable, and the well-needed soliloquy two songs before the finale.

On top of creating beautifully satisfying music, it has to complete the role of moving the story forward,

It’s the combination of two of the most important things in human culture: story telling and music.

That’s amazing.

Plus, good musical theater is fucking hilarious.

7

Learning.

This one’s great.

Learning in school can be bearable if you have an incredibly devoted teacher.

But learning for fun, that’s where the magic happens.

Luckily, i grew up in the youtube age.

This means i had limitless access the science videos.

I never ever enjoyed science at school

In french, they use the formal tone of speaking when discussing science.

I was fluent in one kind of french but learned that I was a beginner in another.

I could not understand it.

But videos from people like ASAPScience and MentalFloss taught me that learning could be fun and on my own terms.

Kids need to know that they can learn on their own terms.

8

Cookies.

I also grew up in the age of Sesame Street.

And I could never understand why Cookie Monster never got anything in his mouth,

Because for me, cookies were the best thing ever.

When I was five I took the smallest bites possible so that the cookie would last longer.

That could be a good metaphor:

“Take things in small doses, they’ll last longer”

Kind of a stretch from a cookie, right?

But the thing is, this trick only works for food.

Whatever you’re worried about finishing is going to leave you whether you take it in small doses or not.

So love like no love has ever been loved before,

And hold,

As if it’s the last thing you’ll ever hold.

9

Dance.

This one probably won’t be here in a few years, but if I’m making a list of things I love, this better be on it.

Dance is stupid if you think about it.

Essentially, it means perfecting a made up art form to please an audience. Sketchy…

But it has become so much more than that.

I don’t understand it yet, maybe John Green will explain it to me one day,

But dancing lets you be free,

It lets you express yourself without words,

Lets you make people feel something without touch.

10

New books.

I am talking about the ones you place on your bedside table just to make you feel smart,

Because if you sleep next to something for long enough, maybe you’ll ingest a part of it.

I am talking about the ones you can’t wait to hear people talking about in a year,

Because you know they’ll change the world.

I am talking about the one in a million that is so special, so perfect,

That you want to keep it all to yourself,

But you can’t because

11

Old books.

Are even better.

They grow in size because people store pieces of themselves inside of them.

They are tainted by the smell of thousands of hands grasping for more.

They are broken and wrinkled because that’s what happens when we age and I am so glad these books have gotten to age.

12

Rainbow blankie.

He’s been with me everywhere.

Yes I am fifteen and I still keep a safety blanket.

It is not because I would feel lost without it and it is not because it brings me comfort.

It’s because some babies get a puppy,

And as the babies grow into toddlers, so do their puppies.

It’s because I never had a dog,

Or a sibling,

Or a friend I’ve had for years and still get to see at least once a month.

It’s because I want to grow up with something beside me.

Also, by that logic, I grew up with something called “Rainbow Blankie”,

I feel like I should’ve been able to figure something out when I slept with a RAINBOW every night.

13

Psych.

Psych is a television show.

Psych is a murder mystery comedy show.

Psych is my favorite show ever and they just took it off Netflix.

That’s all.

OH they also made a musical out of it.

14

Gummies.

Specifically Haribo Golden Bears.

No not hairy bo like the americans call it, that would be disgusting.

Call me elitist but Haribo is better.

And when your grandmother brings nothing home from france for you except haribo gummy bears you learn that maybe you should stop talking about haribo gummy bears.

And I am not excited to drink alcohol for the first time but God knows I’ll buy those champagne and rosé gummies in bulk.

15

Lava cake.

I learned patience from Disneyland and lava cakes.

When I was little I couldn’t wait for anything,

I would scream and cry when we got on the freeway because in my mind it meant we were going far away.

But lava cakes…

The real question is why on earth would someone decide not to get a lava cake because it says it will take fifteen minutes to make?

I could wait an hour for a lava cake if I had to, even at five years old,

Simply because lava cakes are the best.

I also like to think my emotions are like lava cake,

That I’m hard on the outside but soft once you get through to me

But in reality I’m

16

Vanilla Coca Cola.

I’m so emotionally soft that I’m basically a liquid.

Its vanilla flavored because throw in a little syrup and I’m sweet.

But I’m also similar to soda because…

“I’m bubbly!”

Just kidding.

One of my friends hates soda because the tiny little air bubbles hurt her throat.

I’m sweet and taste good at first but eventually the CO2’ll get to you.