#also its my bday today woo

[cyberpunkaddict]

[taserblade]

i keep making myself have bad days.

today literally started fine. i sadly didnt get up earlier enough today to take a walk, but i knew i would have the evenin off too so i knew i could walk then. hot manager opened (yay!) but he wasnt much in a talkin mood. turns out, whole restaurant went to a coworkers bday party last night, and everyone was hung over.

ruined my whole day learnin this, wont lie. i literally couldnt had gone, i was at a wedding. but idk it sucked to not be invited. let that ruin my whole mood and my day. didnt talk much bc of it. i wear my emotions on my sleeve so im sure everyone knew i was in a bad mood so no one wanted to talk to me which makes my mood worse, but i also wouldnt wanna talk to me. gave myself horrible anxiety for the whole day. scratched the fuck outta my arm and back bc of it.

coworker offered me her shift tn n as much as i need the money, i couldnt be a work any longer. but woo lucky me, she locked herself outta her car n ended up being 30 mins late. i literally spent the whole day looking forward to 4 so i could go cry in my car. but no of course that had to fucking be delayed to. finally got to my car and cried for a solid 15 mins before going home.

went on the elliptical today bc it burns more cals. burned 567 cals today!! then i went up to my bfs job to eat n get drunk. didnt get drunk but i didnt wanna buy another drink. now im home.

i have got to be better tomorrow. its ruining whatever the fuck me n hot manager got goin on and its actually killing me. tomorrow has to be better, i have to be better. or at least better at faking it.

[selfcareparker]

hi bae <3 reading that last ask i’m realizing i have no grammar? lmao

glad university is funnnn, when you said linguistics i was like 🤨 but then i googled it and it does sound interesting lmao

the too much free time part though... :( its like you expected to be thrown in and like WOO BUSY and WOO purpose (purpose may be going too far lol) but i totally get what you’re saying. ESPECIALLY when you expect to be busier and you’re not it’s like :/ ok. (& girlllll it’s fine to complain, it’s how ur feeling)

and bc of covid you have eVEN LESS STUFF TO DO, which sucks. the social part may help? even just a little bit, but maybe having some socialization.. it could be somewhat uplifting? idk gsjshsj

where i live the vaccine is for 16 and up right now but for the younger kids (12-15) it hasn’t been ✨FDA approved✨ yet so my brother is still waiting for his 🤠

okay really quick, how does drivers license work there? here you learn to drive at 16 and you can like actually drive (sometimes even alone in the car) by 17... (also burneks?)

YAYYYY GIRLLL i remember you telling me about how you haven’t seen your family in England in such a long time 🥺🥺🥺 i really hope you get to see them soon!!!! and that covid eases up so you can see them frequently again 🥺🥺🤍

i’m gonna tattoo that to my forehead “not being friends with your parents is unhealthy” EXACTLY!! the people saying that stuff are usually not close to their parents so 👀

i’ve been really busy (unfortunately imo lol) with my dance recital coming up and this singing group (which i don’t like at all) and my final tests bc of school i’m EEK but it’s a good eek i think? maybe? idk lolll, i can’t wait for everything to be over though so i can CHILL. after school however i have a missions trip in north carolina? don’t quote me on that, but yeah 🥰 i’m really excited about it bc i’ll be without my family (like on my own :)) and it’s this whole thing and i’ll get to know people and i’m gonna buy a new bathing suit that makes me look gooooood cuz i’m tryna cop a boyfriend while i’m there HAHAHAH but besides that... more acting and singing camps probably? most likely a summer job.. i don’t have any plans reallyyy set in stone but ya know (ACTUAL i do have a few things planned. but those are things i don’t want to do. so i will be ignoring them <3)

that was a long ass paragraph- but PLEASE UR RESPONSE WAS FINEEE & i love you 💓💓💖💞💘💓💞💕 literally watch me buy a ticket to germany rn

- lovely anon (or catherine? i feel that lovely anon is iconic now tho so. kinda like how i call you aria in my head not your real name lol ALSO I PROMISE IM GONNA RESPOND TO THAT REALLY SOON, it’s just really busy rn) <3

what’s wrong with tumblr i just saw this a minute ago 🥲🥲🥲🥲 they don’t want to see us together ✋🏼 but fuck them 💘

Whaksk wait wdym by you have no grammar? 😭😭hejsjs

Honestly I’m so surprised that I’m enjoying linguistics but i think since i speak english and german i’ve just always been interested in language and esp english since it’s just my second language so i was forced to learn more about the language than just words and grammar, because it’s such a big part of me and also i didn’t always have a british accent so i kind of had to... develop a british accent, and it was natural but also kind of wasn’t??? Anyway why was this one sentence like 17 lines i’m sorry

YES OMG EXACTLY and obviously i’m missing out on the whole uni experience i mean I’m introverted anyway but i don’t mind going to a party every now and then? but i haven’t talked to a single person from my uni (except in class when we had to analyse a poem or something— okay technically some of my friends go to the same uni as me but they’re all studying other stuff)

But yeah I’ll definitely try to meet my friends more often 🥺 but we all have really different schedules rn so it’s really hard to find days where we both/all are free and not too tired and yeahssjsksj but i mean.... i can pay 50% of your ticket to germany? and then we can hang out? 🥰

I think everyone over 18 can get their vaccine from Monday on so I’ll try to call (okay, my mum will call sisjsh) and see if i can get an appointment. but i think everything will be super full because previously only people over... 50?or 60? or people with like illnesses could get it and now everyone over 18 can get it??? Like that’s a lot of people who can suddenly get the vaccine sksjjs but at the same time they’re getting quicker with it (i think today over 1 million people got the vaccine???? Like i know the US probably gets wayyy more people done so idk if that sounds like nothing to you but obviously Germany is much smaller so to me that sounds like a lot???) and also one of my father’s friend’s wife (djdkdj) works at a hospital or something? And she said she’ll ask if I can get it done there so yeah 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

Isksmsjjs it took me so long to figure out what burneks was, i googled it (very weird results?) and then i realised i made a typo.... yeah no idea what i was trying to say lol

So in Germany (as far as I’m aware) you can start at 17 and you can’t have your test before you’re 17 years and 6 months old (idk why) and then you’re not allowed to drive alone until you’re 18 and then you still have two years on probation(is that what it’s called?) and you’re not allowed to drink a single sip of alcohol before you’re 21 (and drive) (cause in germany you’re allowed to drink when you’re 14 (if your parents are with you and allow it), then when you’re 16 you can buy beer and wine, and when you’re 18 you can buy everything. But you’re not allowed to drink and drive (even if it’s just 0.01 promille) until you’re 21)

(Okay I just googled and I don’t think you say pro mille/per mille in english sksjsjs but like the percent (or something...) of alcohol you have in your blood (idk biology sorry) (not that you asked about drinking and driving anyway? 😭 but there you go lmaoo)

Also idk if that’s just a UK thing or you also have it in the US? But all of my relatives from England keep asking me how often I’m driving with my parents (for practice)... and in Germany that’s.... not allowed? Like in england you can get these L (Learner) plates that you can stick on the back of your car and then you can drive anytime with your parents, but in germany you can only drive with your driving instructor during a paid for and legally organised driving lesson so. Kksskaj

Yess, the good thing now is that i can go to england anytime? Because Uni is all online anyway so it’s not like i have to wait until the holidays to see my family, i really hope i’ll see them soon🥺 it was my nana’s bday today and my grandad’s a few weeks ago so i’m painting two pictures for them tomorrow and sending them as a (late) gift next week 😌 (i’ll do like an impressionist ✨field of flowers✨ (that sounds awful sksjsjsj for reference i’ll look something like this: (it’s not mine i just found it on the internet while i was looking for some inspiration

for my nana, and something with a waterfall for my grandad) (looking at it now i don’t even think that’s impressionism? Idfk i had art as my subject for my a levels (like one of my final exams) and i actually got an A 👀 but it was mainly architecture and i don’t even remember that so

Ahhh I hope it’s a good eek!! Sksjj hopefully you’ll be done with everything soon and i already know you’re gonna do really good in all of your tests😌 but still: good luck ❤️❤️❤️

Idk if it’s actually cool? But North Carolina sounds so cool to me (but honestly you could have said any state and i’d think it’s cool sksksskm) And girl I still think it’s so amazing that you just sing and dance and act and omg ✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

(I’m imagining us in a montage (?) like they always have in films while we’re shopping to get you a hot bathing suit😌😌 and then they always come home with like 6 shopping bags in the movies—)

This is gonna sound so dumb because who tf wants to work? But I’ve always wanted a summer job 🥲 like nothing too exhausting obviously but i’ve never earned any money by myself? I haven’t had a single job in my life (not that I’m that old and like only one of my friends has worked in her life like we’re young sksjsj) and yeah i think it would be really cool to have a summer job and earn some money 😌 but during the summer holidays (they’re only 6 weeks in germany) we’d always go to england for at least two weeks and then we’d drive to bosnia to see my dad’s family for a few days and then to croatia and then to Bosnia again sksksksms so i never had time for a summer job (obviously i’m aware that it’s a fucking privilege that i’ve never had to work and that i get to go to multiple countries during the holidays but yeah)

WHY DO I TALK SO MUCH AUSSKKSSM

Like I said I’ll pay 50% of your ticket 😌 i’ll be here stuck at home anyway, just let me know when you’re coming so i can come pick you up😌 (this emoji djskksks— but i mean it fits so i’ll use it as often as i can 😌)

Lovely anon IS iconic 😌✨ but Catherine is more than okay too🥰 so just say whatever you prefer ❤️

(And omg you never have to apologise for responding to my long ass, full-of-mistakes responses late sksjs take your time (i mean i wouldn’t be mad if you just didn’t respond to some of them i talk too much anyway <3333)

[baekhvuns]

HI HI HIIII i was busy making a video output for school so i was mia for literally not even a day lmfao BUT IM ABOUT TO CRY MY VIDEO WONT SEND IT KEEPS ON SAYING 'FAILED TO SEND' PLS THE DEADLINE IS TODAY IM ABOUT TI CRY

neways APPARENTLY SOME PPL WERE COMPLAINING ABT SEONGHWAS BDAY MERCH LIKE YKNOW THE B0MBASS BATHROBE😭😭 IF U FIND IT EXPENSIVE DONT BUY IT THEN😭😭 DOESNT MAKE U ANY LESS OF A FAN ISTG

ALSO VERY THANKFUL FOR WOO BCS HE AINT AFRAID TO SPEAK UP WHENEVRR "ATINYS" SAY SMTH BAD TOWARDS THE MENBRRS

im glad hwa still fecided to go actuve on their social medias even thoigh someone was veing a bitch tiwards him😔😔

HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAYY BCS I AINT THIS STUPID VIDEO STILL ISNT SENDING IVE BEEN TRYING FOR 7HOURS😭😭😭😭😭😭

-🍤

HI BFNDD

HI HI HIIII i was busy making a video output for school so i was mia for literally not even a day lmfao BUT IM ABOUT TO CRY MY VIDEO WONT SEND IT KEEPS ON SAYING 'FAILED TO SEND' PLS THE DEADLINE IS TODAY IM ABOUT TI CRY

HI HI HII DBDB WHYYY 😭😭😭😭 BDMWDBKW DID U TRY MAKING COPIES OF THE FILE AND THEN ATTACHING IT 😭😭

neways APPARENTLY SOME PPL WERE COMPLAINING ABT SEONGHWAS BDAY MERCH LIKE YKNOW THE B0MBASS BATHROBE😭😭 IF U FIND IT EXPENSIVE DONT BUY IT THEN😭😭 DOESNT MAKE U ANY LESS OF A FAN ISTG

NO LITERALLY IF U THINK ITS EXPENSIVE?? DONT BUY IT??? ur not obligated to buy whatever ur fav puts out pls 😭😭😭😭😭

ALSO VERY THANKFUL FOR WOO BCS HE AINT AFRAID TO SPEAK UP WHENEVRR "ATINYS" SAY SMTH BAD TOWARDS THE MENBRRS

BDANDB HES THE HEAD IN HWA PROTECTER SQUAD

im glad hwa still fecided to go actuve on their social medias even thoigh someone was veing a bitch tiwards him😔😔

he rly said kill them with kindness and posted selfies that broke us all and then went about his day??? mf 🔫

HAVE A GREAT DAY TODAYY BCS I AINT THIS STUPID VIDEO STILL ISNT SENDING IVE BEEN TRYING FOR 7HOURS😭😭😭😭😭😭

VDMWBDWK NOT 7HRS 😭😭😭 TRY COPYING THEM OR MAKE SMALL CHANGES TO THE VIDEO CUT AND THEN SAVE IT AND THEN SEE IF IT SENDS !!!

[theoldamphitheatre]

My only regret

Not doing this sooner.

My name is Maria, my gram and my aunt call me Ria, my peeps from college and AUS call me Mo Mo, and one time a cute boy called me Mar and I loved it, so call me what you want but just know that whatever you know me as is most likely the complete opposite of what you’ll be reading about. Hope you enjoy it anyways and embrace this as much as I am trying to dooooooo, woo. 

I love the idea of recording my days - having these memoires, these lessons, these reminders of how I felt, what I felt where and why. The people who are involved in my life. This chronological order of my life for my future kids to read and know exactly how I lived my life. I dont want anyone to miss a beat, so when I finally feel comfortable enough to let the world know who I am - it will be nothing short of the brutal truth.

Today was a good. day. 

I felt free~ for the first time in what feels like eons of time.. ok only a few weeks. My only obligation today was to show up to school, teach two classes, color listen and learn in another one, relay a message in a third class and get semi on track with grading in another two. I also had NO WORK after work!!! YAY! All I had to do were some errands and instead of only getting one done close to home, my mom and I got tons done. If flowed today, rather than me feeling like a bother. We went shopping hehe, I got my eyebrows done, my gift for the lil girl at the Friendly House (hope she luvs~ her My Little Pony) got a friend some gifts and got my some new nail polish and a new shall (of course *says with eye roll*) and some “you cant eat just one” chips, no not Lays either! I had a coffee coollatta that gave me tons of silly energy that I truly needed to let out of my system. Reflecting on today, I was pretty silly all day!! My favorite thing was teaching my lil buddy Tavon a silly lesson about consequences hehe, all in good fun of course. 

I also received some news about what I thought I wanted to do for grad school...turns out the program I wanted to go into, Health Education is on hold and most likely wont be back LOL JOKES ON ME. Anyways, I’m taking it as a sign that I need to flee far and wide. However, teaching is definitely for me. It’s the one job that has felt most natural, at least most of it. The subject I’m teaching as well adds much joy to me. Its English Language Arts, my fave hobby! Writing and finding the meaning behind peoples stories n’ stuff. With that said, I have much to learn about the subject, teaching and myself. This is a journey I cannot wait to pursue - the only problem is where???? 

I also have a big week of stuff to do besides work and I could cry I am so happy to be doing stuff: tom = bday dinner, fri = bday / busy work day; sat = busy work morning / boston w squidy; sun = brunch / work 

hehehehh funnn ahead!!

Anyways, thanks for stopping by. Alot to take in today but I’m full of love and gratitude. ok, bye. 

[5taylifted-blog]

Taking A Closer Look: How Our Words Create Our Reality

I have this quasi tarot card deck that is called, “Seeds of Wisdom” by Elka and the purpose of the book and deck is to assist in guidance and growth. There are twelve cards in the deck for the twelve months we have in the year. Each card deals with a different theme. 

Today is a full moon+Solar eclipse. I started my period yesterday and I feel VERY connected to just about everything. I feel really in sync. As I cement and hone in on my spiritual practice, I love shuffling both my tarot decks and calling upon the Divine Energy and Spirit Guides to help guide me navigate today’s realm so that I may do my best and feel my best in every moment I experience. 

Today is a big day for me. I have two meetings, one in the morning at 10:30 am and the other later at 8:00 pm. In between, I am shopping for my girl’s birthday present+my dad’s bday present, and I have a manifestation class at 6! I’m really looking forward to learning tips and hacks on how to solidify my intention setting and manifesting abilities. I want to really get laser like focus in that class and really figure out the best way for me to learn to manifest what is most important and in alignment with my passions and values. 

I woke up this morning and lit up my luxurious, scented candle along with the palo santo and gave thanks for a beautiful morning, and for my beautiful, fulfilled, and blessed life. 

The cards that I pulled today are the Eight of Cups and the Creation Card. I feel that I am right on track with where I am meant to be. School is going great, work is fabulous, my personal relationships are taking off, and my social life is awesome. Really, my life isn’t perfect, but it’s magical and amazing for me and I am so happy and grateful I get to wake up every morning and I get to be ME. I’ve been working on reprogramming my mindset, my words, my beliefs, everything that is holding me back I am acknowledging and releasing. I am meant to shine baby, that’s all I know. I am the stuff of stars. 

Elka states in this chapter for the Creation card, “use your abundance of life force energy to bring forth life in the form of your heart’s desire. Remember this about creation: it is a messy process. What you are creating may look nothing like your desired outcome. In fact, it may seem like chaos at first. But if your intention is clear and your actions congruent with it, then your creative effort will unfold according to your design. Recognize the power of you words to shape your thoughts into vibrations that interact with the world in a very physical way. Your thoughts are precursors to creation. Your words are vessels of intention. Your actions transform your words into reality, into your Creation.” 

I like to visit the word “spelling”. We learn letters, we learn how to formulate them into words, sentences, and turn them into thoughts, ideas, expressions…if you drop the “ing” part however, you are left with the word “spell”. As in, you are writing and casting a S P E L L. I had this aha moment a few years ago and have been working on mastering my speech and thought patterns ever since. Les Brown, one of my favorite motivational speakers has said, “If you don't’ program yourself, LIFE will program YOU.” There’s these two really awesome books that I’ve been reading/listening to that I feel really get at this from a more practical sense, less woo-woo for those of you who don’t really resonate with this. The first is called, Mind Hacking by John Hargave and the other is called The Slight Edge by Jeff Olson. Mind hacking takes the metaphor of your brain/mind being the same as a computer in that a computer has codes and systems that help it run smoothly. Similarly, the mind has beliefs and behaviors that stem from that belief (those are our ‘codes’). Whenever a computer has a bug, we take it apart to figure out how to debug it and rewrite the code so that the software and computer can run more efficiently. Hargave offers that meditation is an opportunity to learn to train your mind to concentrate. When you can train your mind to focus, you can expand your sense of awareness. You begin to notice things that perhaps, you were too busy in the mind to pay attention to. When you have self awareness you can go about cracking the code and debugging your belief system so that you can rewrite, and reprogram the codes in your mind. If you can do this, you can change the course of you life. You just have to be willing to change, and to be open+receptive. The Slight Edge builds upon the premise that EVERY decision either propels you forward toward your dream or keeps you stuck and stagnant. If you can have that slight edge and do the small things that will garner success, you have a better chance of changing your life for the better. One of my favorite authors, Gretchin Rubin states, “What you do everyday matters more than what you do once in a while.” 

So if we are constantly unaware of how we are feeling, thinking, acting, we are perpetuating this cycle of feeling unfullfilled and being complacent with how things are. Some of you might have even heard the phrase, “its just the way it is.” If you agree, and accept this statement to be true, remember what you think and what you believe becomes true for YOU. If we are constantly engaging in negative self-talk, let me gently remind you that it WILL take some time to get a handle of engaging with yourself and showing yourself compassion by stating in present tense that ‘No, I am not stupid, I refuse this thought and remind myself in this moment that I am loved, I am brilliant, I am deserving of all the good things this world has to offer, and it is readily available to me now by focusing on the good.” 

When I began noticing and paying attention to my own self-talk I felt drained and also shocked at the things I would say to myself. I was in awe that I would be so kind, and considerate for others-heck I’d even bend over backwards for most people, but not for myself, to myself. It felt like a lot of mental gymnastics. Which is why this is a process and it is for life. We have spent most of our lives engaging and participating in this spiral of negative self-talk, criticism, lack of direct communication, and honesty for most of our lives. You can learn to rewire your thoughts. You CAN be confident in expressing your feelings to yourself and others.

I challenge you this week to pay attention to your thoughts. Be an observer in your own body. Like guests checking into a hotel, observe your thoughts (they are the hotel guests) for they will come and go. Pay attention to the thoughts that you ruminate over. Notice how you feel: are they making you feel good or feel bad? Then ask yourself Why? Once you get answer, keep asking yourself another four or five WHYS if it is a thought or emotional situation and you keep ruminating…sit with yourself and your thoughts and just observe and see what you can learn about yourself. 

In a world that tells you how to be and what to be, you must know who you are in order to drown out the lies and the illusion. You are truth. You are love. You are light. 

Make space today to proclaim words that empower, uplift, and change your direction. Your words ARE the ship that will help said in whichever direction you please to go. As always my friends, STAY LIFTED. I love you. Thank you for taking the time to read this.