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detectiveangusmcdonald · 6 years ago

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The Despair Zone| Chapter 2: The Worst Kind of Game

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Summary: Sixteen high school students find themselves trapped in a high school by someone forcing them to play a killing game.

Word Count: 1265

Warnings: Murder Mention, Panic Attack Mention

Notes: The chapter in which everyone learns the rules.

Read on AO3

The gym was pretty big. Bleachers lined 2 of the walls. Several banners showcasing the various sports teams’ accomplishments hung close to the ceiling. There was a stage along the back wall for assemblies.

The door slammed shut behind Magnus. Everyone was talking amongst each other already. Magnus started walking towards a group.

“Magnus!”

Magnus turned around when his name was called. Julia was running towards him, and he could feel his heart race. “Julia! Uh, hi!” Real smooth there, buddy.

“I didn’t know you were going here.” Julia smiled sweetly, and Magnus could feel a blush creep onto his cheeks.

“Yeah, well, apparently standing up for others is a talent.” Magnus shifted his weight. “I, uh, didn’t think you’d remember me.”

“Who wouldn’t remember you? You’re the only one who would stand up to Trevor McCloud.”

“That’s only because he was the principal’s son. I nearly got suspended for punching him.”

“Yeah, but he would stop for a while when you did.” She laughed a little. “I’m surprised you remember me, though. I was always too nervous to talk to you.”

Magnus was a little taken aback. “Are you serious? You were Mr. Meinkin’s star pupil! I wish I had as much talent as you.” He recalled one of the long lectures his woodshop teacher gave. Most people in the class wouldn’t look at Julia the same after that.

Julia furrowed her brow a little. “Everyone thought I was the teacher’s pet. At least you had a good reputation.” She touched Magnus’s arm, causing him to freeze a little. “I’m really glad you’re here.” Magnus’s face started to heat up, but the conversation was interrupted.

Everyone’s attention turned to the stage. No one was up there yet, then all of a sudden, someone something dropped out of the ceiling.

It was a jellyfish, except it looked like a mascot. Within its body was a galaxy. One of its eyes was just a black circle; the other was red and lightning-bolt shaped.

“It’s a jellyfish.” Lup started to walk towards it.

Taako grabbed her arm and stopped her. “It might be dangerous.”

“It’s kinda cute!” Ren said.

“Of course I’m cute! What kind of headmaster isn’t cute?” Everyone jumped a little.

“It talks?” Lucas’s curiosity was piqued.

“What kind of jellyfish talks?” Merle asked.

“Maybe it’s a toy,” Angus said.

“I’m not a toy! I’m Fisher!” The jellyfish spun around. “And I’m your adorably squishy headmaster!

“Enough of the pleasantries. Let’s begin our opening ceremony!” Fisher cleared its throat, or at least made the sound. “First thing on the agenda: school life. You, the students of the Academy, are the hope of the world. To protect the future, you will live together within the school. Everyone will live in harmony and adhere to the school rules.”

What?

“As for when you are allowed to leave…” Fisher’s eye began to glow. “You’re not! You’ll all stay here until you grow old and die!”

A chorus of what’s floated throughout the room. Magnus could hear Julia start to breathe faster. He grabbed her hand.

“Oh, but don’t worry. Our budget is monumental! You won’t have to worry about running out of basic human necessities.”

“That’s literally the last thing I was thinking about.” Taako ran a hand through his hair.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Davenport muttered.

“I’m not a liar! You saw the plates over the windows! You’re locked in!”

Magnus remembered trying to take the plates off of the windows. Even with all of his strength, he couldn’t take them off. “They’re designed to trap us!”

“No shit Sherlock! That’s what I was saying. Try and scream all you want, no one will hear you!”

The room erupted in protests. Magnus didn’t know what to think. Was this essentially kidnapping?

All of a sudden a seven note song played. Everyone went silent. “You all need to calm down and let me finish.” Fisher was glowing as it played this song, and as it spoke, the light inside of it dimmed. “Now, there is a way to get out of here. A way to ‘graduate’, if you will.” Fisher, despite not having a mouth, seemed to grin evilly. “If you were to disrupt the peace of the communal school life, you and you alone would be allowed to leave the confines of the school.”

Angus narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “What do you mean ‘disrupt the peace’?”

Two of Fisher’s tendrils went up to its face. “Heehee… well, you know… if some were to murder someone.”

Murder?

“Piercing, slashing, bludgeoning, suffocating, setting on fire. I don’t care how! If you want to leave, you must have someone else’s blood on your hands.”

Magnus’s blood ran cold. The graduation requirement went against everything he stood for. Julia squeezed his hand; he squeezed back.

“Now I’ve got you thinking! You guys are the future of the world! Seeing that future destroy itself creates a shadow of despair.” Fisher spun around again. “It’s so exciting!”

“That’s ludicrous!” Davenport yelled. “To kill each other… it’s…”

“It’s to murder. Yes, yes, I’ve heard it all before.” Fisher waved a tendril dismissively. “There’s a dictionary somewhere that you can use.”

“We know what it means! Why do we have to kill each other?” Ren cried.

“Let us go home!” Carey screamed.

“You all just keep repeating the same thing! You’re stuck here! Your world has become this school! And you can kill!” Fisher huffed.

“Is this a prank?” Barry sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack.

“Of course not! I’m Fisher! I don’t pull death pranks.” Fisher seemed to smile. The galaxy inside its body swirled. “Now, I have a gift for you all!”

Magnus heard a small snap. He looked at his left arm. A metal bracer with the school’s insignia had locked onto his forearm. He looked around and saw similar bracers on everyone else.

“These are your student handbooks! They’re state of the art and super high tech!”

Magnus touched it. An LED screen came to life, displaying the words “Hello Magnus Burnsides!” in a white font.

“These handbooks are very important, so I made them impossible to lose. They’re also waterproof and can withstand up to ten tons of force. It contains all of the school rules, so make sure you read them.” Fisher’s red eye glowed again as the galaxy inside of it turned dark. “Any violations of the rules will not be tolerated. They’re here to protect you.” Fisher return to its normal appearance. “And that concludes our opening ceremony. Please enjoy your dreary and boring life at the Academy of Special Skills! Buh-bye!” With that, Fisher disappeared.

No one said anything to each other. After a long silence, people started to leave, presumably to find the dorms. After enough people had left, Magnus left Julia back to her room. They said goodbye, and Magnus went to his own room, leaving him to dwell on what just happened.

Rules:

Students may reside only within the school. Leaving campus is an unacceptable use of time.

“Nighttime” is from 10pm to 7am. Some areas are off-limits at night, so please exercise caution.

Sleeping anywhere other than the dormitory will be seen as sleeping in class and punished accordingly.

With minimal restrictions, you are free to explore the Academy of Special Skills at your discretion.

Violence against Headmaster Fisher is strictly prohibited, as is the destruction of surveillance cameras and monitors.

Anyone who kills a fellow student and becomes “blackened” will graduate, unless they are discovered.

Additional school rules may be added as necessary.

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runawaywithalli-blog · 7 years ago

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10 Lessons for Student-Athletes

It’s hard for me to remember a time when I wasn’t running around every day between school, practice, and other activities. It seems as though being a student-athlete has been in my blood ever since the first day of kindergarten and my first soccer practice and dance class. Most people can’t imagine having places to be and things to do for 12 plus hours a day, but for me, and most student athletes, it’s a way of life. Being a student-athlete isn’t always easy, especially in college. I’ve learned a lot along the way as each season brings new challenges. Here are 10 lessons I learned while being a student athlete.

1. Time management

I think we can all agree that every college student learns better time management skills within their freshman year. Student-athletes spent 20 plus hours each week between morning lifts, afternoon practices, team meetings, and weekly competitions. Sometimes it seems like being a student-athlete is equivalent to having a part-time job. I have learned how important it is to spend any downtime working on homework, even if it’s only for 20 minutes. However, I don’t feel guilty if I spend those 20 minutes watching an episode of New Girlor Friends. Sometimes time management simply means giving yourself a break throughout the day. It isn’t easy to go from classes, to practice, and then right to homework. Taking a few mental breaks throughout the day is important to stay focused and to be productive for a longer period of time.

2. Sleep is important

Most of us learned the importance of sleep in our middle school health class. Coaches of every athletic team preach on how important it is for athletes to get an adequate amount of sleep each night. Sleep refuels the body and aids in the recovery process, helping athletes reach their best potential. Growing up, my mom regularly told me that sleep will always be better than staying up until 2 or 3am studying. She argued that sleep plays a key role in our ability to retain information, so it’s more important to sleep than to stay up late studying. This is a rule of thumb that I have learned to live by in college— I now struggle to stay up past midnight! I’m sure most people will mock this rule of thumb and say that they need to stay up late in order to cram for an exam. I’m not saying that you should spend less time studying for an exam, but it is best to spread out studying into a few days so that sleep is a priority.

3. Practice becomes and escape

Not to sound cliché, but there have been days where my stress melts away while I’m at practice. There’s nothing like running 12 repeat 200’s on the track to get the endorphins pumping. As Elle Woods would say, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people don't kill their husbands. They just don't.” Or in my case, happy people don’t let stress take over their life. Practice is also where I see my best friends and teammates everyday who never fail to put a smile on my face. Although I dread some days with repeat 200’s or repeat 500’s, I always look forward to spending time exercising and being with my team.

4. Coaches and teammates are your support system

I’m going to be completely honest, I once spent 30 minutes in my coach’s office crying because I was so stressed out with school and I wasn’t happy with the times I had been running that season. There honestly isn’t anything more comforting than having a coach who will sit down with you for hours talking and getting your life back together. My teammates have done the same for me as well. There are days that knock me down, but I can always count on my coach and teammates to cheer my up and get me through the hard days. I cannot be more thankful for the second family I have received as a student-athlete.

5. Commitment and dedication

If you’ve made it to the college level, your hard work and dedication has paid off! Nothing says “commitment and dedication” like waking up at the crack of dawn (okay, maybe 7am, but that’s still early!) to head to Mitchell Hall for a lifting session. I can’t count the number of times my alarm has gone off when all I want to do is turn it off, skip my lift, and sleep-in until class. Playing a college sport is like having a job, and only commitment and dedication will get you to the performance level you want to be at. Student-athletes don’t simply play sports, they dedicate their life to their sport and are committed to their success.

6. There are days where you’ll hate doing what you do and there are days where you love it

I’d think you’re pretty crazy if you said that you love running until you want to puke or that you love getting “booty lock” after an intense workout. I’m not sure anyone loves those feelings, but there are days when its more bearable than others. There are days when I completely dread workouts and there are days when I can’t wait for 4pm to roll around so that the aches and pain can begin. There will always be a love/hate relationship with anything that we do in life.

7. Mental and physical strength

Physical strength comes from the countless hours of workouts in the weight room and on the track. Healthy eating and adequate sleep also aid in the physical strength needed to be an athlete.

Mental strength isn’t as easy to practice as it is to preach. I have learned a lot about mental strength each season. I learned the most my freshman year after I constantly felt defeated after each practice and race. That year, I didn’t have the mental strength needed to compete at the collegiate level. It was hard to go from a big fish in a little pond to a little fish in a big bond. It takes time to learn the mental strength needed to compete at the collegiate level, but it is an important strength to learn.

One thing that I like to do before my race is to repeat in my head, “speed, I am speed.” You may recognize this from the movie Cars, because that’s where I got the line from. It is a reminder to me that I am a talented athlete and that I am strong and fast.

Another tool that I use to stay mentally strong is to do mental imagery before every race. I lay in bed the night before a race and image the track that I will be competing on the next day. I go through my race from start to finish with the perfect execution that I desire—powerful start, quick turnover, excellent mechanics, and a strong finish. Visualizing my race calms my nerves and refocuses my energy into having the race that I desire.

8. There are different types of leaders

I am a participative leader. I enjoy providing guidance during practices and participating in the group. There are also leaders on the team who may be silent leaders. These leaders lead by example and send a positive message to teammates. I have learned the importance of leading by example in order to set a high standard for the rest of the team to follow. Leading by example is a great way to show teammates the importance of a strong work ethic, healthy diet, and adequate sleep.

9. There is no “I” in team—really

Although track is commonly known as an individual sport, no individual has one a team championship alone. Not only is your team there helping bring home a championship title, they are there at the 7am lifts and countless 200 repeats on the track. Teammates push each other to be the best that they can be in order to claim that trophy. Sure, individuals may win an event, but it is a team that takes home the championship title together.

10. I’ve learned how lucky I am to play the sport I love

Four years will fly by before you realize it. I’m fortunate enough to have one year left of my collegiate track and field career. After this past season, I realized how truly lucky I have been to continue my athletic career at a collegiate level. I have met so many amazing friends along to way and have created countless memories with them. I will forever cherish the morning lifts even when I don’t want to get out of bed and I hope that I never forget the feeling of “booty lock” after 200 repeats. I will always treasure the Saturdays spent waking up at 5am and getting home at 10pm exhausted and ready for bed. This sport hasn’t always been easy, but it has created memories that will last a lifetime.

#mkt400uwl #trackandfield #blog #lessons #life

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samanthabreedlove-blog · 7 years ago

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A few nights later, after class, I walk to the Palladium-- NYU’s athletic center, on 12th Street and 3rd Avenue. As I walk north on Broadway, the Arctic air so cold against my face, snots dripping from my nose all the way to my neck. Once inside the building, though, it's toasty and warm. The smell of chlorine from the Olympic sized swimming pool in the basement of the building is so overwhelming you can smell it even on the 3rd floor where the general exercise equipment is located.

I change in the women’s locker room and walk out into the empty gym. There is hardly anyone here at this hour. It's almost 10pm but I estimate I’ll still be able to get a solid 4 miles in plus a shower before they close at 11. I choose a treadmill, turn it on, set the pace and begin to run. Lately, after my evening classes, I like to come to the gym and run. This helps to clear my mind. My sprints have gotten faster and faster. I’ve achieved a steady 8 minute mile pace. It feels good to accomplish the goals I’ve set for myself-- chipping away at my run-time, resulting in tangible proof of my hard work.

While I run I become hyper-aware of the passing of time, and I am also aware of my physical movement. As I run, I imagine the landscape of Florida. Thoughts come in and are subsequently pushed out of my mind as my feet pound down onto the circulating rubber of the treadmill-- the weight of my body shakes the machine more and more the harder I run. My mediation through this action repeats over and over inside my brain: “It is over now, it is in the past. The past is behind me, and the future is in my control.”

I imagine JR: I see his face as I saw it for the very last time-- framed by the window of the cab as he shut the car door. It is like a short movie that plays in my head every time I run; after the cab comes the memory of sitting at Reagan International drinking whiskey alone at the airport bar, tears streaming down my face-- so much so that strangers stare but they know better than to ask me what’s wrong. Then the memory of the Washington Monument visible through the oval of my window seat as the plane takes off and flies over the Mall before setting course south towards Florida. In memory, I can see myself in third person: sad aching body as it sobs in near silence for all 800 miles back to Tampa where my mother will pick me up once we land because I can’t stand for anyone else to see me in this state. That feeling was boiling over so intensely inside of me I swear I could taste it in my mouth-- my heart heavy with a new kind of sadness-- aware for the first time with absolute certainty that I meant nothing to him.

***

I’d gone to visit JR in D.C. where he’d moved in early 2008, after shit hit the fan once Margaret found out about not only me, but the other handful of woman he’d been sleeping with after breaking the seal of infidelity in my bedroom that past July. JR had stuck around just long enough for the full force of the crash to whip back from him to me.

Everyone loved Margaret. She was universally lovable. A thing I never considered until after, and under the weight of everyone else’s judgement: how easy it is to slut shame the woman. Everyone expected this from JR. He’d done it before. But, they hadn’t from me; well-- How could I? What was I thinking?

I was a home-wrecker, a whore. A pathetic drunk who ought to gain some self-respect. An elitist bitch who destroyed everything. Funny how quick a town full of miscreants gains a moral compass. Except it wasn’t really funny at all. My spirit was crushed; instead of having him, I had the judgemental eyes of everyone else around me. Wherever I went, there they were looking at me like I was a disease, like I was crazy. Was I crazy? Maybe I was crazy.

First week in January, after she’d kicked him out, JR came to find me at Dirty Nelly’s-- a bar just south of State Theater on 8th street that people would come to when the band at the Emerald was awful. Nelly’s was unremarkable other than the fact that it had a pool table and shag-carpeting which seemed like a really poor choice for a dive bar. But if the Emerald was out of the question that night, you knew Nelly’s was where everyone was gonna be.

I was surprised to see him, further still that he came straight over to my table. We hadn’t spoken since the Christmas Party. The first words out of his mouth were: “We should talk. Alone. She kicked me out.”

When the shoe finally drops, no matter how much you think you’re ready for it, you really just aren’t. I told him okay, that I’d be back and went off to find Quinn.

Quinn was in town on winter break from the New School where she was finishing the last year of her BFA. She’d been staying with me on my couch like she always would. I found her in the bathroom reapplying her lipstick and chatting with Carolyn who was taking a piss. I told her what JR’d just disclosed. She says back to me straight away, “get him out of here-- I’ll find someone to go home with.”

Quinn is my best friend. We were born exactly one week apart, and on each other’s due dates: me one week early, her a week late. Friends since grade 6, she’d moved to New York City in 2005 with Laura before the thought had really occurred for me to leave Florida. They both live in a basement cement loft off the Halsey Stop on the L train where they commute into the City, working together at the Strand Bookstore in Union Square.

Quinn’s tall at 5’11, with curves for days, a body built just exactly like Beyonce. Her eyes the color of dark chocolate with the face like the fawn of a deer, Quinn is both sweet and steady. Her presence in any room feels like the steep, strong column holding up the architecture of everything. I kissed her on the cheek before scooping JR up and driving us both back to my place.

There on my couch, we sat in dark silence for a long time before he says, “You weren’t the only one, and she doesn’t know about you yet. But it’s only matter of time and you should prepare yourself for that. We both should”

I didn’t say anything back. After a while he went on.

“This a mess, and it is going to get a lot worse. I need to figure out how to not live here anymore and fast”

His eyes are wet with tears and I realize for the first time just how much he really does love her. What I feel in return for JR, as he sits in so much sadness on my couch isn’t jealousy, or anger, or fear. But, rather, just an intense desire for him to be okay. It’s really dark in my house, all the lights are out in the living room but the lamp left on in the kitchen casts shadows, creating a pattern across JR’s pale and tear stained face. I’m fixated on him, but he won’t look back at me. He’s looking at the wall with his forehead in his hand. I start to cry too, but I’m not really sure why and I don’t want him to see so I get up to pour us a couple glasses of bourbon. I return, taking a place on the floor, looking up at him in the dark I hand him the glass.

He sips, and after a while he says, “We can’t be together, it’s a mistake. It was a mistake for me to come here.”

I don’t say anything but I reach for his hand and he takes it.

“I love her, and--and look what I did, I- I can’t do that to you too. I can’t do that to you, period. I don’t know what is going to happen next but we should stay as far away from one another as possible. For your sake and for the sake of what’s gonna happen once this all comes out.” His voice is stammering.

For the first time I speak: “I’m not going to do that, JR.”

I feel calm as I climb into his lap. Holding his face in my hands, I comfort him the way I know how. I lift off my shirt and put his hands on my hips.

“Everything will be okay, no matter what happens, everything is going to be fine. ” I tell to him, my voice full of strength from a source I can’t identify but feel with conviction.

His body presses hard to mine in recognition. We made love in the middle of the living room floor and wake to the sound of Quinn coming in the back door the next morning.

Within the month JR’s left, nevering having said good-bye. He took me to the Hold Steady show a couple days after we made love in the living room. They were playing the Skatepark of Tampa Anniversary show hosted at Czar-- a communist themed Russian club in Ybor that has thick red velvet curtains, tiger striped carpeting, an excellent vodka selection and a huge stage in its ‘Imperial Theater’ where bands would play. He’d bought my ticket and my drinks, and even helt my hand at one point but after that night JR stopped taking my calls.

One night a couple weeks later, at the Independant-- a fancy hipster bar in St. Pete with over 70 international beers on tap, I spotted him there with a pretty girl in a pixie cut. Because God must hate me, our two parties combined and there I am sitting across from him with the new girl’s hand in his, all this visible to me just under the metal table where we sat. It’s her birthday, I’ve gathered. She is 23 and her name is Jenn. JR avoids eye contact with me until, at some point, his gaze searches then finds mine. We are sitting directly across from one another and a million miles apart. Across the distance, his eyes say to me ‘I’m sorry you’re seeing this’ but not ‘I’m sorry this is happening’. The inflections of his facial movements tell me ‘I told you I’m bad news. I wish you would had listened.’

That February, Sarah told me he’d moved. I pretended like I could give a shit, but my heart was broken. JR had moved to D.C. to take a contract job until the position he’d really been gunning for would come together: front end web design for XM Radio where his sister worked and had arranged for an interview. Back in St. Pete everyone had found out that I was the one he’d cheated with and everywhere I went the gossip followed. Even people I considered friends looked at me like I was pathetic and not a good person. Ill equipped to deal with this feeling, I was drinking a lot. That April, just after my 24th birthday, I ran into him at the Emerald-- he’d come down for his baby sister’s wedding and was out on the town showing off how he didn’t live here anymore. At the bar I mentioned wanting to come visit and he said I should. I justified it as professional development: The Women in the Arts Museum had just opened, for which my company was a sponsor, and Raymond James would pay for the trip if I wrote a piece about the inaugural exhibition. I wrote that piece, but I went exclusively to see him.

I went to D.C. because I wanted JR to give me something I knew in the back of my mind he probably never would-- some indication that I mattered to him, that all of what had happened was real. That it transpired, that I wasn’t losing my mind. Or, conversely, that I meant nothing: I needed closure and I naively thought he’d give it to me of free will. But instead, all I got was the knowing that I was just be a mistake he made-- a thing he had come to regret.

We spent the weekend in the Beacon Hotel on Capitol Hill because he was freshly kicked out of the apartment he was shacking-up in while taking advantage of a 39 year old woman who thought he loved her. Terri was also who he’d been interviewing with for that position at XM, and once hired she would be his boss. But he didn’t love her. In reality, he just couldn’t afford rent for his own place until after saving up a few paychecks and he desperately wanted that job-- those saved up paychecks JR subsequently blew on our hotel room because he was completely hitting rock bottom and lacked all semblance of self-control.

He’d seemed excited for my visit at first but once I was there, JR was different-- nothing felt right. His intense desire for me to leave him alone was perceptible the entire time I was with him, even when we were having sex. When JR put me in that cab and slammed shut the door, I knew we’d never speak again. The relief that I was finally going plastered across his face clear as day.

Hand written on hotel stationary, and pressed in the palm of his hand before putting me in that cab:

“You should know that I really believed that I could forgive you. Though I know now that I can’t. Wilde says those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love’s tragedies. And I’m better for that; for having loved you despite the fact that the esoteric nature of our relationship has finally knocked the wind out of me, and I’m resolved to the fact that whatever the reason, you and I are over.

Maybe in another lifetime we’ll get it right.

-Samantha”

Back in St. Pete, once the reality had really set in, Carolyn, Diane and I went to the ocean in the middle of the night because being in the salt water was the only thing that would calm my aching soul. We stripped all our clothes off and swam far out into the Gulf. Carolyn was the first to notice the phosphorescence, she pointed it out and we both looked down to see the shimming greenblue of the bioluminescent tides as they rolled over our bare breasts.

“It’s the color they make when they announce to the world, letting each other know ‘I exist, I am here!’, so they can find one another and reproduce.” Carolyn tells us. “Isn’t it magical?” She is dipping her hand down into the water and scooping up a handful of the shimming water.

I let my body float in the Gulf as I watched how the colors looked just like thousands of fireflies all over my skin. I looked up at the full moon and I saw how the world was so big and full of so much beauty. I knew then that my story wouldn’t end here in Florida, I was destined for something more and I was free now from the power JR had held over me. I would find my magic, I would cast my life like a net into the great expanse of the sea-- I would be open to whatever would come of it.

***

While I’m running late at night at the gym, I confront these memories head on: this sacred space, with the full force of my body in motion, is the only place I let these thoughts seep in.

I concentrate on how every mile completed is a mile further away from him and closer to the promise I’d made to myself that night we went swimming in the ocean. This thought helps me run farther, and run faster. Despite what’s transpired, my love for him persists. It bubbles up in my torso, so I push it down deep into the recesses of my soul. I lock it down inside of me and I imagine that I’ve thrown away the key. This becomes the fuel from which I draw upon as I make my way in the world outside of where I’ve come from. I am dedicated to my successes not for him, but in spite of him. I am my own keeper: my body will never be broken for JR. He will no longer drink from my blood. My love for him reinvents as a way by which I make sense of myself, and I put that self at the forefront of everything.

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12345imconsuming · 5 years ago

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Day 5

1/27/20

Hello... Today I slept in until 10, which is something i haven’t been able to do since winter break. My body is just adjusted to my new schedule so it had been hard to sleep in that late. I had my last portion of mac and cheese with broccoli and potatoes which was unfortunate because I don’t really have time to go to the grocery store to get more until the weekend.. Anyways. I had a ton of homework to do all day as well as a flyer i said I could do for a bernie sanders rally thats at the end of february, as well as doing meal prep for the whole week since i barely am home, so I was busy and stressed. I made scrambled tofu and beans with sofrito and sauteed onions and zucchini. Trying to make healthier meals for my super long days because I know processed foods just make me feel worse than I already am feeling. Also because the stress has been really bad for my skin which is sad because I feel like I am doing all i can to be on top of things.

At 2:30 I left the house and took the 3 bus to west bank for my dj shift at radio k which is the u of m student radio station. I’ve been doing it since the fall and its pretty fun, although today I wasn’t that excited because I had so much other stuff to get done. i had to finish my logo sketches, packaging sketches, and research and sketches for my illustration class. My shift went by pretty quick, and at 5 I left rarig and went to regis to work until 10 in the photo crib. My shift was pretty enjoyable (i mean working is never enjoyable but i wasn’t constantly checking the clock as per usual), and I just microwaved the food I made and tried to work on my homework. I kept getting students coming to buy and check out stuff though so I wasn’t as productive as I had liked. I guess a positive thing about this job is that a lot of people i know / acquaintances have class there so I see them and get to say hi. Although some days I am not in the mood to make conversation with anyone. By the time 10:00 came I still hadnt finished all my work which meant I would have to go home and stay up - missing out on getting 8 hours of sleep before my Torture Tuesday (where i am at class/work constantly from 8am to 10pm) - So that was sad.

When I got home I made some tea and ate carrot cake and doritos - maybe they are coping mechanisms or something. I was up until almost 2am working but finally finished everything and was able to fall asleep immediately. Let’s just say school and work is consuming me more than i consume it. Still looking for ways to cope/get by... I guess I will try eating more fruit/vegetables this week and also doing some stretching/exercise before bed. Excited to get paid on wednesday so I can have some sort of reward/reason for all this ;_;

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jeremystrele · 5 years ago

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A Day In The Life Of Benjamin Law, Writer

A Day In The Life

by Sally Tabart

One of the first thing’s Benjamin Law does every day is clear out his inbox before 9am. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Bits and bobs from Ben’s house. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

‘You’re allowed to say “no” and you don’t have to give a reason. Simply say you’re unavailable and unable. This is a much better alternative to saying “yes” just to get someone off your back, and making your future self furious at you,’ says Ben. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Spending a lot of writing time alone, Ben tries to leave the house at lunchtime. Here he is at Boon Cafe in Haymarket. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Usually Ben eats his breakfast with green tea, or sometimes a Virgin Mary – hot and spicy V8 juice with squeezed lemon. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Ben exercises after 5pm most days, either swimming or yoga. He loves swimming at The Prince Alfred Pool in Surry Hills. Ben at Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

The first person in Speedos on TDF! Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Writing about a writer is one of the most daunting tasks for… a writer. I’m always worried about doing something sloppy, like repeating the same word three times in one sentence (see: previous sentence). It’s especially nerve-wracking when the subject is as prolific as Benjamin Law, one of the defining voices in Australian culture over the past 10 years.

Ben grew up on the Sunshine Coast, to Cantonese parents who migrated to Australia via Southern China (Ben’s Dad) and Malaysia (Ben’s Mum), via Hong Kong. Based in Sydney, Ben describes himself now as pretty much the same as when he was a kid: ‘obsessed with sex, annoyingly attention-hogging, insatiably curious but could be immediately reduced to silence if you put a good book, movie, TV show or magazine in front of me.’ Only these days, he’s the one writing the material.

In 2010 Ben published the hilarious, poignant memoir, The Family Law, and then in 2012 a travel book exploring the queer experience in Asia, Gaysia: Adventures in the Queer East. Both were nominated for Australian Book Industry Awards, and the former was later adapted into a groundbreaking TV series on SBS. He’s written more books, countless features and worked on film and television projects. He’s also working on a play – because clearly, he doesn’t have enough going on right now!

Next week, Ben’s latest endeavor – a documentary called Waltzing the Dragon – will premiere on ABC, where Ben travels with his parents from remote Northern Australia to Chinese megacities to explore the overlap in cultures. ‘On one level, it’s a history of the Chinese in Australia – a history that pre-dates the First Fleet and white arrival on this continent by centuries – but it’s also a massive road-trip with my um and Dad to find our own roots,’ Ben explains. ‘Some of the stuff we unearth will completely up-end your understanding not just of Chinese-Australian history, but Australian history in general.’

No two days are ever the same for Ben. ‘I don’t really have anything resembling structure nowadays’, he admits. In lieu of regular programming, he has a ‘some habits and ground rules’ to keep it all together – showering first thing, clearing out his inbox before 9am (‘it’s like a healthy little mind audit before the workday starts’), exercising and at the end of the day, truly switching off and decompressing with his boyfriend.

Ben is a wealth of wisdom when it comes to carving out space for himself in the midst of a sometimes chaotic, always random routine. From scheduling his iCal ‘down to the minute’ to stopping all things digital by 10pm, Ben shares how he gets it all done.

FIRST THING

I like the idea of getting up by 6.30am because I enjoy the feeling of having a headstart on everyone else, but it’s usually 7.30am. I like reading before bed and I usually do that until midnight, and I need exactly 7.5 hours sleep. It’s like my body’s finally said, ‘It’s non-negotiable.’ I’m also a super-deep sleeper. Waking up is like trying to exhume something dead from an oceanic trench. But for the last few years, I’ve used an amazing app called Sleep Cycle, which both monitors your sleep and ensures you wake up at a point in your sleep where it’s not jarring and horrible. I love it so much.

My boyfriend is usually up before me and he’s usually watching ABC News Breakfast while reading the news; I tend to prefer having ABC RN Breakfast on the radio with Fran Kelly or Hamish MacDonald.

I do a poo, have a shower then clear my inbox. Sorry: is that too graphic? Basically, it’s a lot of purging and cleansing from when I wake up until 9am.

MORNING

Breakfast often makes me gag, so it’s usually something light, like miso soup and fruit, or toast with butter and vegemite, and crunchy peanut butter with honey. And it’s usually with green tea, or sometimes a Virgin Mary – hot and spicy V8 juice with squeezed lemon.

Then I work: whether that’s doing interviews for Good Weekend, prepping Stop Everything – the ABC RN pop culture show I co-host with Beverley Wang– or just writing for a deadline or project.

If I’m about to launch into writing that requires proper focus, I forcibly disable the internet by activating Freedom on my laptop and Forest on my phone.

LUNCHTIME

On writing days, it’s common that I won’t even leave the house or have any human contact until 5pm – and perhaps a bit disgustingly, I don’t actually mind that at all. But sometimes I’ll pop down to Spice Alley – which is super close to where we live – for a cheap and cheery lunch.

AFTERNOON

It’s usually just writing, meetings and admin all arvo – a big happy horrible mess. My iCal is colour-coded within an inch of its life for this reason. Basically, my work is kind of like triage all day, and then I try to ensure the bleeding stops by 5pm.

EVENING

I try to finish by 5pm. It’s tempting for freelancers to keep working, but unless I’ve got a deadline in the next hour, I tell myself to stop. Because there’s always more work that could be done. It’s really important to me to sound boundaries nowadays.

After 5pm, I try to take a break – check the mail, do some housework, laundry, clean the kitchen, meal prep for dinner – then either swim laps, go to the gym or do some yoga with this great app called Pocket Yoga, which I prefer to classes.

I then make dinner, catch up with my boyfriend Scott, decompress, watch the news and Leigh Sales on 7.30, then it’s whatever we’re watching. Some of the stuff we’ve loved this year have included Pose, Stranger Things, Fleabag, Catastrophe and Game of Thrones. And RuPaul’s Drag Race, obviously.

LAST THING

Work-wise, I always give my inbox a little late-night purge again, if possible. Then I go into iCal and I plan the next day right down to the last minute, including breaks, exercise and social stuff with mates. If I have to be my own boss, I figure I can ride my own arse. And there’s no white space in the iCal, because if there is, I know my instinct is to fill it with work. So I trick myself by scheduling my breaks.

Over the last year or so, I’ve kept to a new habit: around 10pm, I set my phone’s alarm clock (via Sleep Cycle), switch on the Do Not Disturb mode and have it lying face down. Then I have a shower – as if to wash off the day and my digital reliance – and come into bed to read a book. Sometimes it’ll be The New Yorker, but it has to be on paper. I’ve gotten my boyfriend into the habit too, and I think it’s actually my favourite part of the day: feet tangled under the doona, each of us immersed in something.

Ben working from his standup desk at home. Photo – Alisha Gore for The Design Files.

Right now I’m listening to/watching/reading…

Music: Mark Ronson’s Late Night Feelings; Gabriel Kahane’s Book of Travelers; and new tracks Washington (Megan Washinton, who’s a mate of mine) has been working on.

Podcasts: Internationally: Fresh Air, Still Processing, Nancy, Touré Show, New Yorker Radio Hour. Australian: The Signal, Background Briefing, Conversations, Ladies, We Need to Talk.

Reading: A combo of Vicki Laveau-Harvie’s The Erratics, Deray McKesson’s On the Other Side of Freedom and Ocean Vuong’s On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous. The last few books I’ve really devoured have been Rebecca Makkai’s The Great Believers and Max Porter’s Lanny.

One important thing I do every day is… Move my body. And decompress with my boyfriend.

I get my best work done when… I’m able to give it the time it warrants. It’s better to allocate the right amount of time something needs – and breathing room in case it goes wrong – rather than constantly being a deluded time-optimist.

A philosophy I live and work by is… When deciding on projects, Laurie Anderson says it needs to fulfill two of the following three criteria: it has to be fun, it has to be interesting and it has to make money. It can’t just tick one box: only two or more. Similarly, I need projects to be fun, challenging, make money and I need to have the time.

My productivity tip/tool is…

If you need time away from the internet, install Freedom onto your computer and Forest on your phone. Forest is an app that’s like a Tamagotchi: you plant a virtual cartoon seed for a set time. If you check another app in that time, your plant dies and you have a dead forest. It’s a surprisingly emotional experience!

Another big breakthrough I had is with transcribing interviews. Traditionally it took me about 120 minutes to transcribe a 30-minute conversation. It’s so painful. And all the voice transcription software I’d ever tried over the past decade has been shit. But my boyfriend and some mates put me onto Otter recently and it’s been life-changing. I almost get emotional about it.

Finally: all huge tasks are like bricklaying. You’ve got to break down big goals. Don’t just have ‘write book’ or ‘write play’ as your daily task, otherwise, you’ll intimidate and scare the shit out of yourself. Break it into monthly goals (eg. finish chapter), and break those into weekly goals (eg. complete key interviews) and break those into daily (eg. 750-1000 words) then hourly goals (125 words per hour doesn’t seem that intimidating, suddenly). It also means you have closure on the day and feel like you can reward yourself.

Something I learned the hard way is… You’re allowed to say ‘no’ and you don’t have to give a reason. Simply say you’re unavailable and unable. This is a much better alternative to saying ‘yes’ just to get someone off your back, and making your future self furious at you.

Tune into the first episode of Waltzing The Dragon With Benjamin Law this Tuesday, July 30th at 8.30pm on ABC, or catch it later on ABC iView!

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iblogwithgrace · 6 years ago

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Quote of the day: A goal should scare you a little and excite you A LOT. - Joe Vitale

Hi guys! If you're at the home page come on in, feel free to click on this post. You can catch up on last week's post or episode here. In case you're wondering how else we can be friends asides you coming here every Monday, you can follow me in Instagram here and if you have an open Facebook account go and like my page here. I have a snapchat account, but it's lowkey. Old blog readers have it, so I won't be sharing it in this post (although, if you search my old posts carefully you will find it).

I hope you enjoy today's post.

The Day that Changed Everything It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Externship had come to an end and we were ready to get on with it. By the dates on the calendar, we were to start our bar final exams on the 28th of August and end on the 1st of September, 2017. My study calendar had factored in those days. I was prepared to be done with everything a week before the bar exams started. Then I heard what seemed to be the worst news I had heard all year round. Our bar exams had been moved forward. Yes my dear, forward. The MCQs had been moved from the 24th of July to the 29th of July and the main exams had been moved to the 15th to the 19th of August. My chest was tight, my body was weak and my head was splitting. A few days before, when I was preparing my last study timetable, I kept having this nudge to plan as though the time was shorter since we knew that Sallah was on the 1st of September but I said no, that my head already felt like it was splitting with the amount of work that I had to do. We heard this on the 14th of July. I remember because it was Xtrim’s birthday. That evening, to calm my nerves, I went out to buy a few things to take my mind off things. I am one of those who suffer from ‘’see and buy’’ sometimes. I had been contemplating moving to an executive room. If you had between four hundred and twenty five thousand naira (N425000) to eight hundred and fifty thousand naira (N850000), you could get yourself a fairly decent room with privacy to stay in. With this news, I was sure. I didn’t want a clash of nerves. I didn’t want to look for where to study. Lagos campus is very small and as much as possible, I wanted to avoid people.

Portfolio assessment timetable also came out that day. Portfolio assessment is when you face a panel and give an account of your externship experience. The panel would open the confidential letters given to you by law firm, your attendance, your ethical dilemma and your slideshow. Don’t play with this process. People of God, it is possible not be called to the Nigerian Bar even if you pass the exam if you do not pass this assessment. It was starting on Monday. That first week, it was just portfolio assessment. But cruelty is first nature to Lagos campus so they made sure we came to thumbprint twice a day that whole week in our regulation wear. They weren’t going to leave us with all that time to study. Everyone was preparing as much as they could. Some human beings are so sold out to the work of God and to His word and true to it, they put others before themselves. One of these people is my dear friend and brother, Ikenna Okoli. People like him were busy encouraging others and helping them revise as much as they could. The week after was revision week and the Saturday after that was the day of MCQs. Incase you think we were getting ready only physically, you’re wrong. During externship, we had started praying on the roof top from 10pm till 11pm every Saturday night. The closer the date to the exam got, the larger the crowd. People were afraid. That’s what law school does. The environment was tense and people found solace in praying with other people. We had fasted and prayed from the 17th of July. We met in the chapel behind class and prayed and on the day of MCQ, I can testify that God came through for us. A whole essay for about four questions was missing in criminal litigation. Because of this, we were given extra time. Extra time for them to read out the question and ten minutes extra to enable us finish our work. I heard that in some places, they had more than ten minutes. Ten minutes in that exam is as good as sharing bars of gold. I’m sure you can imagine the way we thanked and celebrated God after the exam. Some people are bold and guess what? I am not one of them. These people actually went back to calculate their scores in the different courses. I left that life behind in university. One was down, the main hurdle remained.

Closer to the Day The days went by really fast. We continued to revise. We had the compulsory mooting session for two days. We had to dine as well. All these things activities, the week before the bar finals. I can only attribute it to God that I finished almost every topic more than once. I crammed a few cases but I still wasn’t done learning my drafts. I even solved some past questions based on the emphasis made during revision. I couldn’t read every single day, we were doing so much at the same time and my brain was reaching its full capacity sooner than I expected daily. Sometimes, I couldn’t sleep. It was probably because I was tensed so I watched cartoons to help me calm down. Sometimes, it worked, other times, I just had a headache. I could tell that my body was trying to go down but I settled it by praying and taking communion and I was rejuvenated. I had summaries of everything that I had read. That’s what I read the morning before every paper and some of the laws too.

The first paper was property law. I wasn’t afraid at all. Just the usual exam jitters but I was fine. The exam was generally good. I had said that I would win an award in property law and criminal litigation. During the exam, one question didn’t make any sense at all. It seemed like it should have been the question for a different scenario. Towards the end of the exam, my suspicions were confirmed and the question was corrected. They didn’t give us any extra time but I had a few extra minutes and I had premeditated that this was an error so thankfully, I was able to cancel and re-answer in good time. We gathered in the chapel to thank God for the success of the paper and went on to prepare for the next.

I loved criminal litigation. Sincerely, I did. Maybe it had to do with the lecturers who taught it or the fact that it was straightforward. The exam on the other hand was tricky. Question one was the length of my whole body. I spent a total of one hour two minutes on question one alone. There was 1a which was on charges. They had told us the court to draft in. The confusion was in how many counts to draft and whether to or not to add the people together. I ended up with twelve counts. Each count is repetitive so you’ll find yourself repeating the same words over and over again. I kept praying to the Holy Spirit to give me speed and help me finish all the other questions and finish them well and God came through for me. I finished and I was grateful. I was very unsure of a lot of my answers so after the exam and we were well out of the hall, I asked my friend and seat partner, Tobi Babalola what he wrote just to check if I was correct or not. I don’t think Tobi likes revising after the exam because he always said very little. Thursday morning, I had corporate law exam, that morning while I prayed and read my bible, God have me a word. With God, nothing shall be impossible- Luke 1:37. The day before, I had sown a seed in someone’s life and she prayed so much for me. Also, a friend of mine had called me to tell me that God told him to tell me to be anxious for nothing. For me, these were all good signs. My new roommate Folake and our adjoining roommate Lisa had prayed that afternoon as we stepped out. I was ready to go and then I opened my Companies and Allied Matters Act (CAMA) just to confirm the section for auditors. This I think, was the greatest mistake I made in law school. When I entered the hall and saw some questions, all I have to say was don’t mess with your revision classes. As in, at all. Then the confusion started. It was number three, an optional question. It was about auditors. As soon as I saw it, I jumped for joy since it was the last thing I had just looked at right. Number two was obviously easier but because I saw auditors I went straight into it. As soon as I started writing the answers, I became confused and started cancelling. I don’t know why I didn’t just stop in my tracks and go through all the questions in that number to be sure that they were what I could tackle. Maybe I would have realized on time and stopped and started answering number two but I didn’t. By the time I was done with the question, I was demoralized because I knew my best bet was to answer the other optional question but it was too late. Time was already gone and there was nothing I could do about it.

I prayed hard after this. I tried to exercise my faith. I wasn’t aware that a greater confusion was waiting for me in Civil litigation. To a great extent, civil litigation exam was easy. There was just this confusion about whether question four was representative action or class action. A lot of questions followed later under that number that were truly dicey. This was a compulsory question so my only option was to attempt it. I was close to the end but I was weak. The combination of corporate and civil litigation in my head made me kiss the First class goodbye even though I struggled to believe that it was still a possibility.

Professional ethics was long. We were asked literally everything. But it was the end and we were done. We prayed and prayed over our exams. There is absolutely nothing that God cannot do. I am still a strong believer of that. Then we rejoiced. Our time with each other was cut short because the NBA conference was starting that weekend and some lawyers had paid to use our hostels and not hotels. Does this make sense now? That exams were moved two weeks forward and suddenly, there was money to renovate old facilities. The hostels were even fumigated while we were in class writing one of our papers. Suddenly, everything made sense to us. It was the worst type of realization to have. The insensitivity of it all.

Results were scheduled to come out on the 7th of October. It was later moved to the 21st of October. It came out in the early hours of the 22nd. I couldn’t check so my friend Chukwuemeka checked for me. It was a 2.2 people. I was hoping that if I didn’t make the first, at least, a 2.1. I had called my friend Bond, he made a 2.2. I didn’t know what to say. I called Nosa, same thing. Nonso? The same thing. When I heard mine, I was weak. The first thing I did was to get down from my bed, kneel down and thank God. I told my parents and sent them a screen shot of the result. I couldn’t believe it oh. God? Na me be this? Chai! Law school has finished me. These were my thoughts. A few of my friends were disappointed too. Marcus for one. I was sure he would make a first but he didn’t. Ikenna was my biggest fear. He was the one helping everyone. Praying for others and leading the prayers. I was afraid that he would be mocked. That God will be mocked. People called me and I laughed about it all. I had so much to say. Everyone simply thought I had taken it well but I hadn’t. I was bleeding badly inside and putting up an appearance for everyone to see. I was glad that some of my friends had made it. Viola Echebima, Cyril-Okafor Jennifer and the baby girl herself Faith Onimiya made the first. This gave me comfort and joy. Especially Faith. Faith and I had become good friends just before the exams through Tolu Ajiboye who I met during my law firm placement and absolutely loved.

Searching for a Job

I didn’t realize the intensity of the grade I had made until I started attending job interviews and it was a question to be asked. A particular law firm that I had done so well with actually told me that it was the reason they couldn’t take me. For months I bled and laughed. My sisters Chisom and Ijeoma tried to encourage me. Ugo said it didn’t stop anything. I had heard their words but kai! Do you understand that I made a first class in my University. I am smart. It was like my worst fear (the stories they told in class) had just happened to me.

I didn’t pray anymore. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I just didn’t have the strength to. I lived through the days. I started going through a healing process with my friend Soma. She had been dealt an even heavier blow. Finally, a day to my call to bar, I got into an argument with my mum about my attitude towards my call to bar. I told her I didn’t want any serious celebration. I kept emphasizing it. When she confronted me about my attitude, I decided to explain why to her and that’s when I burst into uncontrollable tears. Chiderah wept. Actually wept. It was nothing small at all. I knew what I had worked for and the disappointment was huge. I wept and I wept hard from the debt of my heart. My mum held me and encouraged me. Then she prayed for me in that way that only a mother can. I knew she understood. After that, I started feeling better. I went out and bought two dresses. One of which was going to be my reception dress. I started inviting people to my reception and all. I had had a flicker of hope. I still didn’t have a job but life was looking brighter and livable.

Where I am Now The truth is, getting a job was very difficult. One, because I actually wasn’t applying anywhere initially. I wasn’t interested in getting a job in a law firm. I had no particular plans. I was simply exhausted by the educational system, by life as a whole or what my life seemed to be like. When all my friends started going to job interviews and getting offers, I realized that I should actually be looking for something. I had several disappointments. I failed an LSAT test. I was told that I did well during my interview but that they couldn’t take me because of my law school result. From some firms, it was just silence. Deafening silence.

Thank God for a good family and a great support system, after what seemed like the longest time, I got a job in the best firm in the country to start my NYSC. By God’s grace, I was retained. This is my story. But I know people who never got good places or the expected results for their efforts. I’ll tell you something, you have to take life one day at a time where you are. If you don’t have a job, keep applying to different places. If you can, pursue your other interests while applying. One thing you need to understand is that your time is your greatest asset. So if you still have control of it because you don’t have a job yet, try your hands on interesting things. You may find that your other interests may become very profitable and help you discover a new path. Whatever the case is, use your time well. It is the one thing I currently desire most, to have control over my time.

I’ll leave you dear reader with this advice- you could be a law student, a lawyer, or simply a human being reading this. While my analogies will be in relation to the bar exams, I believe you can apply it to whatever area of your life. LIVE: Live your life. Let your imaginations of your life while you’re in law school outlive law school. Plan your future so much and don’t hinge it on your law school result. Invest in yourself.

Plan to pass the bar exam. While living, know that the strength of your law school result does open crucial doors for you. My friend Viola didn’t attend one job interview. The law firms were requesting for her and not her for them.

Shut out the doors and windows of fear. No matter the stories they tell, that it happened to someone does not mean that it would happen to you. Remind yourself daily about the grade you want and confess it till everything in you agrees with it.

Study: no knowledge gained is wasted. Look at it as building your knowledge base and not just reading to pass. It may become fun to you amidst the stress.

Find your strength. If discussions are your strong areas then discuss. Whatever is your strength, find it and build it.

Pray. This story does not sound like the story of God coming through for someone, so why should you pray. I may not have gotten the grade that I wanted but I’m definitely getting a life that is greater than what I desired. It hurts to wait for it all to pan out but patience is actually a virtue. Through it all, some diehard fans have stuck through with arsenal, why won’t you wait it out with God?

I hope you enjoyed reading this story. I hope you learned a lesson or two reading it. I did.

Thank you for coming back. If you would love to contribute to this series, send an email to [email protected]

Please subscribe to my YouTube channel. I'll do a giveaway when I hit 130 subscribers.

Video of the week: https://youtu.be/vABYvE83y3w

See you soon. Lily of Nigeria.

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