#also it's summer so im depressed and i write more so sorry for all the fic lmao

[conanssummerchild]

writing a fic abt rick having an ed bcs why would i recover when i can just project all my issues onto fictional old men in cartoons and pretend everythings better now ‼️

tw eating disorder, minor self harm and vomit near the end

Morty stopped in the open doorway of the garage, watching Rick who was sat scribbling down some kind of invention idea, or equation, or whatever it was he did when Morty wasn't around, for all Morty knew he might well be writing fanfiction.

An involuntary smile pulled at his lips at the idea of his almost 70 year old genius grandfather spending his free time writing silly little stories at his work bench. What would he even write? Ball Fondlers fanfic? Maybe he wrote about his stoic bird friend, Rick had always been touchy with him and Rick wasn't touchy with anyone.

When Morty focused back on Rick he wasn't writing anymore, the slightly crumpled piece of paper shoved to the side as he fiddled with what looked like a small metal box with a bunch of brightly coloured wires poking out of the sides. A small spark shot out of one of the wires Rick was holding and he cursed loudly, shaking his hand.

"Fuck, Morty, are you just gonna– gonna stand there, or are you gonna pass me the fucking, uh– the thing."

Rick waved his hand in the general direction of the shelf nearest to Morty, but there were so many assorted trinkets on the shelves, Morty had no idea if Rick wanted a wrench, or a hammer, or one of his laser guns, maybe the box was like a new battery for them?

"W-what thing, Rick?"

"The thing, Morty! The fucking– the uh, destornillador."

"What? Rick, I don't know what that means. W-w-what is that?"

"Jeez, Morty, what are they teaching you at that crap school you love so much?" Rick scowled, tossing the box to the side and getting up to grab the screwdriver himself.

"I havent been to school in like a month, Rick!" Morty exclaimed. "And even then I only got to stay for like an hour before you were dragging me out again!"

"Whatever." Rick said with a burp, "School's dumb, Morty. I'll teach you Spanish myself. B-but, uh, not now."

He turned back to his box, done with the conversation, but Morty stayed hovering in the room, remembering what he had come for in the first place.

"Okay, um, w-w-well lunch is ready."

"I'm busy."

Morty sighed, having expected that answer already. "When's the last time you ate, Rick? Or slept? Or... showered?" Morty said, wrinkling his nose a little.

Rick ignored him, pulling at a blue wire.

"Rick!" Morty frowned.

"What, Morty? J-jesus christ, what the fuck do you want?"

"I want you to have lunch with the family."

"And I said no, so screw off."

"Rick, come on, it would make mom so happy."

Rick glared at him, not bothering with an answer.

"...Wouldn't y-you do it for your original Beth if you could?" Morty tried.

Rick slammed the box on the table, causing the thin metallic shell to crack, sparks flying from it, the sudden noise making Morty jump.

"The fuck did you just say?" Rick snarled.

"S-s-sorry!" Morty squeaked. "I didn't m-mean– mean it in a bad way!"

"Get the fuck out." Rick said icily, eyes blazing.

Morty stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him to the sound of something crashing. Probably Rick throwing the damaged box across the room.

Morty winced. In his defense he was worried about Rick, and sometimes, depending on his mood, something like that would've gotten Rick to cave, clearly he wasn't feeling so sentimental today, more annoyed and angry.

"What was that about?"

Morty startled a little and turned to see Summer looking at her phone behind him.

"Just, y'know, Rick being... Rick."

"Mhm, pro tip, don't bring up his dead daughter to try and blackmail him into something he hates." Summer drawled. "You can only do that if he's already half convinced, or if he's feeling especially depressed sometimes.

"Summer! That's– that's messed up!"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, so only you can manipulate grandpa Rick?" Summer scoffed. "God forbid women do anything." She said sarcastically and turned to walk away.

"Wait!" Morty fidgeted with his hands. "Can you... help me? To get him to have lunch w-with us? Please?"

"Yes, but not now. He's already upset so if we double down on trying to get him to eat he's only gonna clam up."

Morty nodded. "I know that– but how do you? You don't spend as much time with Rick as I do."

"Because he's like mom. Who do you think got her to stop drinking before parent-teacher conferences at school?"

"Wow. That's pretty fucked up that you had to do that, though, y'know, Summer."

"Yeah, well, we're the Smiths, Morty. Is anyone in this house not disordered?"

Morty winced at the blunt statement, Rick really was rubbing off on her. But it was kind of true.

"Guess it runs in the family." He muttered

"Guess it does."

---

Morty hadn't been planning on seeing Rick again until the next day. He knew that when Rick got upset he needed his space. Morty didn't quite get it because when he was upset all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but Rick wasn't like him he supposed.

If he was being honest it made him nervous to leave Rick alone in those bad headspaces he got into. Rick was volatile and unpredictable and a borderline danger to himself and often others. He'd walked in on a couple... compromising situations where Rick had had to explain away why he was passed out in his chair or why there was blood on his hands and his lab coat despite being the only person in the room.

Morty pretended to believe him when he said he had been doing a messy dissection experiment or that "This isn't blood, this is Balorkian dust I mixed with red Squanchenite fluid from Planet Squanch, Morty." But truthfully those moments haunted him.

However, he didn't want to invade Rick's space, so he let him be and tried to eat and sleep until Rick emerged like nothing had happened, even though Morty knew what habits of his went on behind those closed doors.

Of course Morty's patience had it's limits, like when two hours after he had left Rick in the garage, angry, there was the sound of something smashing, closely followed by an unmistakable sound that Morty had grown too familiar with since Rick had moved in. The sound of a body thudding to the ground.

He was up from the sofa in a flash, at the garage door before Summer could even put down her phone, flinging it open.

He felt like he couldn't breathe, but the only sight that greeted him was a smashed bottle and rick lying on the floor next to it, not looking any more dead than usual, looking up at Morty blearily, cracking a smile.

"Oh, hi Morty. H-hey buddy." He slurred, clearly drunk out of his mind.

"Jesus fucking christ, Rick." Morty said weakly.

"What happened?" Summer breathed, now standing at his side.

"He's just drunk." Morty muttered, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering smell that he hadn't registered before between his state of panic and shallow breathing.

Summer ventured into the garage, picking up an empty bottle and sniffing it. "God, grandpa Rick, what the hell are you drinking in here, fucking rubbing alcohol?"

"Sum-Sum! 'M just having some– some fun drinks. Fun drinks just a lil' bit. Besides I only ever drank rub-rubbin' alcohol once, n' it was– tasted like shit."

"What? I was being sarcastic, why would you drink that?"

"Because I was sad... was sad 'nd lonely after B-b-blood Ridge, couldn't find anythin' else. But 'm not s-sad now."

"What's Blood Ridge?" Summer frowned, "Actually it doesn't matter right now, you need to sober up."

"Get him some water," Morty interjected. "I'll clean up the glass. I also know where he keeps all his hangover serums and stuff, but he told me not to let you into any of his drug stashes."

"Fair enough." Summer shrugged, leaving to get Rick some much needed water.

While she was gone, Morty felt along the wall until he found the small hidden panel under Rick's desk. He fished out the light blue vial of fluid for hangovers, the red one he'd forced Rick to make that would sober him up and a green one that basically equivalated to getting your stomach pumped if you took it, just in case he'd taken more than just alcohol.

He shut the panel securely and placed the three coloured vials on Rick's work bench, grabbing a purple tube-like gadget from a shelf. He pressed a button on the back of it and typed in "Broken Glass" on a small hologram keyboard that emerged, then pressed that first button again. A blue ray shot out, scanning the garage, and the pieces of smashed bottle disappeared in a matter of seconds.

Morty looked over at Rick, who was still lying on the floor, but now he was tracing his fingers along a crack in the cold ground, his expression so solemn he almost looked sober.

"Rick?" Morty asked hesitantly.

"I miss her." He said flatly. "I miss her s-so much."

His words were still a little slurred but his tone had lost all the previous levity.

"I tried to save her, Morty, I t-t-tried, but I couldn't bring her back. And no one could ever replace her." A rough sob escaped his throat. Morty felt frozen. "I'm a crappy fuckin'– piece of shit father but I didn't want to be. I was gonna fuckin' give– give up everything for them, and I would've been happy. I would've been so happy as long as I had them, but he fuckin' took that from me! I nnever even got a chance."

Rick was crying, he was crying so hard that his tears stained the concrete dark grey and snot ran down his face sideways. He was shaking like a leaf and gasping for air.

Morty crouched down next to him, fists clenching and unclenching, unsure if he should hug Rick, or if that would make it worse. What else could he do?

"Oh– oh shit, Rick, I–"

"My little girl, my baby." Rick continued between sobs. "She meant everything to me. S-so yeah, I would be better f-for her if I could, but she's gone. There's no point."

Rick's sudden fit of violent sobs was calming down, replaced by a look that Morty could only describe as pure hoplessness and defeat washing over his features.

"'S no point in anything."

Shit, this was bad. Rick didn't admit defeat, and he certainly didn't talk so openly about his feelings like this.

"Aw jeez, Rick, come on don't– don't– don't say that. we killed Rick Prime, remember?" Morty said, wringing his hands anxiously.

"Yeah, I remember." Rick said, tone now devoid of emotion. "I remember killin' him with my bare hands, watchin' the life drain out of his eyes as his blood dripped down my fists. And I remember nothing changing. W-w-what d'ya do when you achieve your life long goal and nothin's better? It didn't bring them back, it didn't– didn't give me closure or give me a reason to live. I still can't sleep, petrified he's in the fucking house, comin' for my new family, that he'll kill all of you to teach me that t-that's what happens when I-I care about people."

Rick wiped his face with his lab coat sleeve, rubbing away the snot, drool and dried tears while Morty just kneeled next to him, frozen and unsure what to say.

"Rick..." he started but then Summer stepped through the doorway and Rick's demeanour instantly changed.

"Summerfest!" he called out and Morty watched, a little shocked, as Rick's whole face changed in the blink of an eye, going back to the cheerful, goofy expression he'd been wearing when he and Summer first came in. It didn't look artificial to Morty at all, even now that he knew it was. How could Rick just switch it on and off just like that?

"I brought water and coffee." Was all Summer said, placing two mugs on the workbench. "And a cereal bar."

The second statement sounded a little more unsure and Morty could've sworn he saw Rick's jaw clench for a second.

"Gimmie coffee." Rick said, making grabby hands, still lying on the floor.

"Water first." Summer replied, handing him the larger of the two mugs.

Rick pouted a little but as soon as the mug was in his hands he drank thirstily, finishing the whole thing in one go.

"You want more?" Summer asked, taking the mug, but he just shook his head quietly.

"Okay," Morty cleared his throat when his voice came out a little shaky. "drink this."

He handed Rick the red 'get sober' vial and Rick chugged it obediently, making a face. "Tastes like– like shit." He offered.

While he seemed a little calmer after the water and serum, his eyes were still unfocused and his voice sounded thick, like his tongue didn't fit in his mouth properly, hints of his accent were slipping through too.

"Did you- are you on drugs r-right now?" Morty asked, reaching for the green vial of serum.

"Maybe." Rick mumbled. His eyelids were starting to droop a little and he curled up more comfortably on the floor.

"Hey, Rick, don't go to sleep okay? What did you take?" Summer asked, crouching down next to him, shaking him a little. He groaned. "Come on, we just have to make sure you're not overdosing and then you can sleep. Maybe not on the floor."

"'M not overdosing." Rick grumbled.

"What did you take?"

"I dunno. Just some random alien drugs I found i-in my pocket." He said dismissively with a burp. "Actually one of 'em was probably adderall. Look at me bein' all responsible an-and takin' my meds n' shit."

He of course immediately showed his 'responsibilty' by gagging and then throwing up on the floor.

Morty winced, reaching for the purple device again while Summer tried to coax him into drinking the green liquid, frowning deeply.

Finally Rick gave in, sipping from the small vial, and almost instantly his eyes began to clear up a little bit.

"Why'd I make these work so well?" He groaned. Then, "My head is killing me, I want coffee."

Summer passed him the second mug and he gestured toward the hangover serum, which Morty promptly passed to him and Rick poured it in his coffee.

He gulped down half the coffee and sighed, wiping his mouth with his already rather dirty sleeve. "Fuck, that's better."

He downed the rest of it and placed the mug on the ground, getting to his feet shakily. He swayed and nearly fell, leaning onto the wall to steady himself as the dizzy spell passed, and then stretched, his back cracking loudly.

He took a few wobbly steps towards the door but Summer blocked the way.

"Fuck– fuck off Summer I gotta– I'm gonna go take a nap."

"Could you maybe eat something first?" She asked firmly, holding up the cereal bar.

"No."

Rick tried to sidestep her but she blocked the way again.

"Summer, don't fucking piss me off right now, I'm serious."

She stood her ground. "Just eat the cereal bar, grandpa Rick. Please."

"Summer, for fuck's sake, I said no!"

"Grandpa," She sighed, the arm holding the bar dropping defeatedly back down to her side. "Do you have an eating disorder?"

The garage was deathly quiet for a second.

"Wha-What?! I'm not a teenage girl in a f-f-f– goddamn netflix drama, Summer." Rick snarled. "What the fuck kinda question is that?"

He gestured wildly, taking another step forwards, which quickly seemed to be the wrong option as a sudden wave of dizziness hit him hard, making him almost loose his balance. He blindly tried to grab onto the back of his chair somewhere behind him, but missed and fell on his ass.

"Rick!" Morty and Summer both rushed to his side, Morty's eyes beginning to well up a little from all the stress of the day.

"I'm fine, don't– don't fucking touch me." He said, shaking Summer's hand off his shoulder, which caused another wave of nausea to hit.

"Please eat this." Summer said nervously, voice shaking as she pushed the cereal bar into his left hand, his right one gripping at his hair.

"Summer, I promise you if I eat that shit right now I'm gonna throw the fuck up."

"Please?" Morty pouted, eyes big and teary.

All it took was one look at him, and with only a brief moment of hesitation Rick snatched the cereal bar from Summer, muttering angrily under his breath.

Morty only caught "Me cago en la puta." and "Maldito cabrón." which he more or less understood, more familiar with swear words than any other words in the Spanish language.

Rick peeled away the wrapper slowly with unsteady hands and took a small bite.

Morty and Summer watched in silence, not wanting to discourage him by saying the wrong thing—which with Rick could be anything—as Rick uncomfortably ate the cereal bar.

"There you fucking go." He said weakly, Throwing the now empty wrapper at Summer, but missing as it was too light to travel more than a couple centimetres, landing somewhere by his feet.

"Thank you." Summer almost whispered.

They sat in silence for a while, Morty sniffling and rubbing at his eyes and Summer shuffling a bit closer to him for both of their comfort.

Rick was sitting with his knees losely bent and his head braced in his hands, trying to overcome another hit of nausea.

He wouldn't exactly say he tried super hard to keep the cereal bar down, but it wasn't deliberate when he vomited it down the front of his shirt.

"Oh! Aw jeez..." Morty winced.

"I did warn you."

"In our defense, you had every reason to be lying to us."

"Fuck you, Summer." It sounded weak even to his own ears.

She sighed softly.

"Morty, get his shirt off. Do you have pijamas or do you sleep in jeans and a lab coat?"

"Jeans an-and a lab coat."

"...I was joking, but okay." Summer said, flipping the switch that opened Rick's garage closet and grabbing one of his sets of identical outfits.

Rick squirmed, making noises of complaint as Morty tried to take off his current shirt.

"Rick– stay still, you have vomit on your clothes."

"I'm not fucking two years old, Morty." He scowled. "I can change by myself."

Rick tried to sit up but wobbled and then slumped back against the wall, needing more time to recover. Morty reached for his shirt again and this time Rick let him pull it carefully up over his head without resisting. Morty took the new set of clothes from where Summer had left them on the floor next to him.

Summer wasn't looking but Morty still shielded Rick's body from sight with his own, pointedly not mentioning the raised scars and jagged, angry, red cuts littering his arms which he had already suspected would be there.

Rick shifted uncomfortably, seeming relieved when Morty didn't want to talk about it.

"Okay." Morty said, helping Rick pull on his clean lab coat too.

"I'm going to bed." Rick grumbled, not waiting for him to continue, just getting up slowly.

He felt weak and shaky and his brittle old bones weren't exactly helping out. Despite his thousands of cybernetic implants he was still human, much to his dismay, and he couldn't treat his body as badly as he did when he was 30. Not that that ever seemed to stop him, managing to still maintain the same shitty habits he'd had for years at the ripe age of 67.

He stumbled through the dining room, Morty and Summer trailing after him, not discouraged by the glare he sent their way.

As soon as he reached his room, he slumped onto his bed with a groan.

"R-rick?"

"Fuck off, Morty." He snapped into his pillow, a little muffled by it.

Morty hesitated, exchanging a glance with Summer, who shrugged.

"...Ookay, Rick. Uh, see– see you at dinner, today? maybe?'

"Don't count on it."

Summer frowned, Starting to say something, but Rick interrupted, "I'm gonna apply my room's Lock Protocols in ten seconds, so i-if you're still in here, I'm not letting you out until I'm done sleeping. A-a-and if you're standing in the doorway, you're gonna get fucking squashed in the doors."

"Whatever, Rick, fuck you too." Summer huffed, pulling Morty out of the doorway with her.

"Room, activate Sensory Protocol 2. And t-tell Summer to go fuck herself."

"Sensory Protocol 2 activated." Came the mechanical voice and a heavy metal door snapped shut. "Go fuck yourself, Summer."

Summer scoffed. "Dick." Followed by a sigh. "What are we gonna do?"

"I-I don't know." Morty admitted. "There's not much we can do if Rick won't accept help. And he won't."

"So what? We just give up on him?" Summer asked accusingly, putting her hands on her hips.

"No, Summer, J-jeez. I just– We're gonna have to get creative."

"Fuck."

---

thats it thats the end i didnt know how tf to end this but my goal wasnt to rewrite like the bible idfk it was just to put rick through shit and put completely unfair expectations on summer and mortys shoulders so that they could ALL suffer in this fic !! :3 also this is so mf long i sincerely apologise if u read all that

[sen-ya]

I haven't touched life after in like 2 weeks but also in that time I've finished a 20pg comic for summer of lawlu so also I think I'm gonna stop being precious with life after and doing quicker pages cuz I did 31 pages of it in 2 months being precious which is.......so much longer than this comic took me lmao

[kitscutie]

august (conrad fisher x reader)

𝗉𝖺𝗂𝗋𝗂𝗇𝗀: 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗋𝖺𝖽 𝖿𝗂ꜱ𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗑 𝖿𝖾𝗆!𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖽𝖾𝗋

𝗐𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀ꜱ: ᖯ𝗂𝗍 𝗈𝖿 𝗁𝖾𝖺𝗏𝗒 𝗄𝗂ꜱꜱ𝗂𝗇𝗀, 𝗆𝖺𝖽 ᖯ𝖾𝗅𝗅𝗒, ꜱ𝖾𝗑𝗒 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗋𝖺𝖽

𝗉.ꜱ: 𝗂'𝗆 𝗐𝗋𝗂𝗍𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖺 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝗍𝗉𝖺𝖽 ꜱ𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒 𝗂𝗇ꜱ𝗉𝗂𝗋𝖾𝖽 ᖯ𝗒 𝗍𝗁𝗂ꜱ 𝗈𝗇 𝗆𝗒 𝖺𝖼𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗇𝗍 - 𝖺𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗅𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖽𝗒𝗅𝖺𝗇, 𝗂𝗍'ꜱ 𝗇𝗈𝗍 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗃𝗎ꜱ𝗍 𝗒𝖾𝗍 ᖯ𝗎𝗍 ꜱ𝗍𝖺𝗒 𝗍𝗎𝗇𝖾𝖽!

ꜱ𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖺𝗋𝗒: 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝖼𝗈𝗇𝗋𝖺𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 ᖯ𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝗂𝗇𝗀 ꜱ𝖾𝖼𝗋𝖾𝗍 ꜱ𝗎𝗆𝗆𝖾𝗋 𝗁𝗈𝗈𝗄-𝗎𝗉ꜱ 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝖺ꜱ𝗍 𝗍𝗐𝗈 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋ꜱ, 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝖿𝖺𝗂𝗅𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗍𝗈 𝗀𝗈 𝗎𝗇𝖽𝖾𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗋𝖺𝖽𝖺𝗋 𝗒𝗈𝗎 𝖼𝖺𝗋𝗋𝗒 𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗇 𝗒𝗈𝗎𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗒ꜱ, 𝗎𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗅 ᖯ𝖾𝗅𝗅𝗒 ꜱ𝗁𝗈𝗐ꜱ 𝗎𝗉 𝖺𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾 ᖯ𝗈𝗇𝖿𝗂𝗋𝖾 𝗎𝗇𝖺𝗇𝗇𝗈𝗎𝗇𝖼𝖾𝖽.

a/n: been wanting to write this for a while so BOOM here it is, sooo excited for season two, also im in a deep dylan obrien depression i need help :p ALSO sorry like all my fics are in different styles at the start i'm experimenting atm!

You and Conrad Fisher had known each other since you had popped out of the womb nineteen years ago in the same hospital, only a floor and two hours keeping you apart.

Your moms had been friends since rooming at college and so your friendship, some might say, had been written in the stars quite literally. Fate.

Things had started to change on your sixteenth birthday. It was just before the annual summer reunion, and of course, you and your mom had gone down just one week earlier in order to have a joint birthday celebration with the Fishers and stayed until the Conklin's arrived.

You had hit puberty and he hadn't seen you since the big change but when he did, his eyes could've fell from his skull. It was almost comedic. Of course at the time his stares meant little to you. He was your best friend after all.

Until last year. It was the start of summer bonfire and all was normal. Belly was at home, Jeremiah was off talking to girls with Steven which left you and Conrad. You found it strange he didn't have the same interest in girls as Steven and Jeremiah but who were you to say anything. You wanted him to stay.

Long story short he finally made a move and a kiss began in the abandoned life-guard tower a couple feet away from the main event, it was all going well, almost too well. And you were proven correct when Steven and Jeremiah came down the beach looking for you and found you in that very compromising position.

Seeing as they weren't exactly in a place to talk they agreed to keep it a secret and so it became the new norm for them, seeing the two of you together while your mom, Susannah, Laurel and Belly were non the wiser.

The bonfire was in full-swing, Summer had officially begun and what better way to start it than in the lap of Conrad Fisher on Cousins Beach.

He was sat cross legged on the blanket you'd brought from the house, while you sat atop him, legs either side of his own.

"I just think we should be nicer to her, I mean that was us three years ago." You sighed, you'd had a beer or two and were feeling increasingly guilty about the disallowance of Belly to come tonight.

"None of us were allowed out at sixteen, it's only fair." Conrad replied, voice low and relaxed. Something you appreciated about him, he was a very soothing person.

"Yeah, but that's different! We all had each other and now-" You began but he cut you off with a groan.

"Can we please not talk about Belly when your sat on me?" He said, smile gracing his lips.

You began to 'ew' and berate him but were soon cut off by his lips on yours, one of his hands holding your jaw in place while the other sat comfortably on the upper part of your thigh.

It didn't take much for you to open up, his tongue instantly hitting against yours as he deepened the kiss. When your mouths disconnected, it made a sound which made your head go light and airy.

"Do you still feel bad?" He whispered. Hand moving up to put a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"No." You answered, shooting forward to connect your lips once more. He chuckled into the kiss, teeth clashing together but you didn't care you just wanted him.

His spare hand slowly and nonchalantly drifted to the hem of your shorts, groping your ass gently, you were still in public after all and Conrad wanted to be able to say he had an ounce of class and respect. Even if it was a lie.

A disruption to the left of you and Conrad caught your attention and you went to turn your head, lips still interlocked but he denied that, hand on your jaw tightening and turning your head back to look at him.

The final straw was a resounding 'Ooh' from the crowd and you decided no matter what he did you were going to see what was happening.

Finally turning your head you found Belly. On the floor. And looking directly at you. A lot was wrong with that.

"Shit, Conrad." You said, which finally got his face away from placing delicate kisses across your jaw and to see the same thing as you. His face also dropping.

"Belly?" He said, unable to stop himself in disbelief.

Really this would've been the right time to get out of his lap but you were frozen in fear, forgetting you were sat there in the first place.

"I thought me and Y/N were like your sisters." She said, anger painted on her face. You didn't like confrontation in the first place and so saying something was hard but you couldn't let Belly think badly of you or Conrad.

"Belly look- it's different-" You defended, but she once again cut you off in anger and while your throat tightened in anxiety, you felt Conrad's hand soothe over your back. Reassuring and subtle.

"Different? I know him just as well as you do. It's not different." She seethed. Stepping closer to the two of you.

"Belly, c'mon you know what I mean." You whispered unintentionally. Your eyes were going glassy, feeling looks from all around you. Some in agreeance with you, some with her but none knew the full story.

"We've been together since last year. It was after you left to take Steven to look at Colleges." Conrad stepped in while Belly processed. Preventing another dig at you.

"I thought you weren't ready for a relationship and that, may I remind you again, we're like sisters to you?" Belly replied.

"I didn't-" Conrad started though a hurt look from you cut him off. "Look I said that like two years ago, it isn't even relevant anymore. Clearly." He said. Eyes connecting with you to reassure you, not her.

"You're such a brat." He added, seeing the affect her words had on you.

"Well you're an asshole." Belly yelled back, all while you sat stunned and quiet.

"Belly! You came, great, we can all hang out." Jeremiah said enthusiastically running over. You appreciated his intervention, as obvious as it was that he was trying to distract her.

"I'm about to take her home." Steven cut him off.

"What?" Jeremiah said, confused. Though the situation was bad she was old enough to be out past ten pm. Whether Steven liked it or not.

"Yeah, we're leaving, are you kidding me?" Steven replied as if it was obvious. Grabbing her hand.

"Ok, Steven come on. Go hang out with Shayla or something." Jeremiah answered and you couldn't help but admire the boy and his love for Belly.

You tore your eyes away from the conversation above you as they dispersed, looking back at Conrad who was sighing and pushing hair from his face.

"It'll be okay." You said, knowing what he needed without having to ask.

"I know." He smiled gently, though his eyes didn't fully match. He was worried, and you couldn't blame him.

Belly knew, and worst of all, just five months ago she had confided in you about her crush on Conrad and so it was unclear if she would ever even speak to you again.

Guilt was swallowing you whole.

[reidmania]

heyyy I saw your fanfic about the mental health and depression things and I would loveeee if you would write one about the reader self harming and Miguel finds out and comforts them🧡 I’ve struggled with self harm and depression and your fics help so much!

JUST HOLD ON

miguel o’hara

summary; miguel’s heart breaks when he finds out what you do to yourself

warnings; mentions of self harm, comfort, swearing, could be very poorly written and im so so so sorry if it is xx

an; thank you for requesting, i want to remind everyone that i am in NO WAY romanticising self harm or mental health problems, i wanted to make this series to help people who dont have somewhere to go or someone to talk to, these are purely just comfort fics

i also want to say, youre not alone, and i know self harm is a coping mechanism for many, myself included, but there is so many other healthy ways to cope and i want everyone to know that if you ever ever ever need anybody to talk to, im always here and i want to do my best to make sure youre all okay.

long sleeves, jumpers, scafs, bandaids, bracelets. you were always wearing one or the other. miguel never asked why, he thought maybe you just found it more comfortable.

the entire time you and miguel had been dating, and in a relationship, it had been the cold seasons of the year, and now with summer coming in quick, you were stressing.

miguel isn’t stupid, he would wonder why you’re wearing a jumper or a long sleeve in ridiculous heat, he would question it, and that set you off in a panic.

it was fine, during the day when miguel was at the HQ doing his spider business, but when he got home, your mind went crazy.

although, to you, you did a good job hiding it.

“im home!” miguel says, your eyes widen as you get off the couch quickly, “one sec!” you reply, running up to your bedroom to get a jumper, quickly throwing on the first one you can find, you go back to meet miguel.

you wrap your arms around him, he does the same, squeezing you tightly. “how was your day?” you ask, as you let go of him, walking to the kitchen to start with dinner.

“not bad.. newbies are always rough” miguel says softly, leaning against the wall in the kitchen. “baby” he says softly.

you hum in response, occupied by cutting vegetables. “why do you have the AC on, while wearing a jumper?” he wasn’t mad, he was genuinely just wondering.

regardless you freak, trying to come up with an explanation, “my top half was cold” you say, shrugging.

miguel laughs, “do you need some help?” he says, leaning off of the wall to come up next to you,

“yes, boil some water”

miguel wasn’t stupid. he knew you better then he knew himself, and he knew your top half was always hotter then your bottom half, you were always wearing pants and rubbing your sleeves over your legs.

so he was confused.

it had been like this for a while now, little things would concern miguel but he didn’t want to bring them up, incase they were nothing.

today was weird though, while you were still asleep, in bed, miguel had to get ready for the day, looking in the laundry for a pair of socks, he finds one of your tshirts.

he ignored it at first, before he saw the red stains along the sleeves, his mind first went to, ‘that time of the month’ but you don’t get that in your arm.

he frowns, confused. deciding to figure it out later.

“lyla, do you know whats up with y/n” he asks softly, trying to stay focused on his work, but concern filled his body.

“what do you mean” she asks back, miguel sighs. “tell a soul, and i will literally end your existence” he says, “okok! just say it”

“i don’t think ive ever seen y/n’s arms”

“you think she doesn’t have arms?”

“no- shut up. like shes always wearing long sleeves, or jumpers, or her wrists are covered in bracelets.”

“oh miguel” lyla frowns. “what- what does that mean”

“obviously i cant be 100% sure, i don’t know personally, but it very much could be her trying to hide something..” she says.

“what?” miguel asks, shaking his head “hide what?”

“this isn’t my place to tell, just talk to her”

when miguel came home that evening, he was even more confused and concerned then he was when he left in the morning. he called out, but didn’t get a response, he hums.

he finds you in the living room, asleep on the couch, he smiles softly before he notices your arm.

no long sleeve, no jumper, no bracelets.

his eyes widen as he looks at the blood stains on your arm, the tissue in your other hand, covered in blood. if it was just one miguel would just assume it was an accident.

but he sees it, all of it, the numerous scas, fresh and old cuts, he can feel his stomach drop. next to the paper he finds a small razor, he picks it up quickly, throwing it out before he comes back, taking a deep breath.

“y/n” he says softly, you were a light sleeper, “mm?” you reply, until something must of clicked in your brain.

you sit up quickly, pulling you arm to your chest, youre pale like you have seen a ghost, miguel is heartbroken.

“come with me” he says softly, you pause for a minute as he starts walking, but when he turns around to you, you stand up and follow him.

into your bedroom, he tells you to sit on the bed, before he goes into the bathroom for a moment. “miguel- im sorry” you finally say.

he doesn’t reply, coming out with a first aid kit, kneeling on the ground in front of you. wiping your arm, so damn gently.

he continues to clean and bandage your arm, without saying anything before he sits next to you on the bed.

you have tears in your ears, and a yuck feeling in your stomach, “come here” miguel says, lifting you onto his lap, facing him, he wraps his arms around you.

“im sorry, miggy”

“don’t apologise baby, you don’t have to feel bad about this okay? you have done nothing wrong”

“i-“

“i want you to know, im here, im going to be here regardless of what happens, okay? this isn’t healthy, baby. but i know its a coping mechanism for you, we just gotta find a healthier one, together yeah?”

“yeah” you say softly, buried in his neck.

“i hate knowing you’ve been hurting yourself baby, someone is hurting my special girl, and i had no idea” he says, looking at you as he moves your hair behind your ear.

you frown, as you look up at him. “no more” you say.

“no more” he agrees.

“i want you to promise me, that if you need me or ever think about doing it again, you will get me straight away, i don’t care whats happening or what im doing, youre my priority, always”

“i love you miggy, i promise”

“i love you too, cmon, lets get you changed then watch allll the rom coms you want” he says, kissing your face.

[ratsoks]

If it's no problem, could you do a Villain Deku x reader where reader has Depression and anxiety and gets triggered by loud noises that sound argumentative or like said person is disappointed in them? And they overthink things & think they are a disappointment and they aren't enough and can't do anything right, all that good stuff. They also struggle with remembering to drink water and sometimes skip a meal. The loud noises could just be people yelling at each other or at them. If you could do something like that and it be a fluff that'd be amazing <3

Oh, and of the things that help calm them down is listening to music and they have a very slight shake in there hand and they also appogize A LOT. They also have very shitty memory so, sometimes they forget things and scold themselves for doing so.

Srry if this is all confusing or unspecific. I was just jotting ideas for this down 😅 I hope this made sense and it would be amazing if you could do it, no pressure and you don't have to if you don't want too-

a/n — SORRY IVE DISAPPEARED FOR MONTHS uhh has it been a year........ blinks BHWAHGAH burnout is crrazzyzyy BUT IM ON SUMMER BREAK NOW so hopefully ill be able to write more thumbs up emoji anyways TY FOR REQUESTING ANON!!!!!! i love details pls don't apologize for specifying what u want :) gender — neutral (no pronouns mentioned) warnings — depression, anxiety, mentions of breakdowns, mentions of medications, mentions of forgetting to eat, mentions of yelling

bro THIS MAN growls barks howls at the moon

he's fucking WHIPPED

he would do anything for you anyways, but????? you crying??????? he just???????? combusts?????

whether you cry a lot or you don't, midoriya is always there to wipe your tears away with gentle gloved hands. a warm drink of your preference would be pressed into your palms, and the man would never pressure you to tell him what was on your mind unless you wanted to SNIFFLES

he himself has never liked loud noises—the loud explosions coming from bakugou's hands has always unnerved him ever since he was four—but it never got to the point where he was triggered by it

in some way, when he first encounters you getting triggered, he feels mildly prepared on what to do, but at the same time, comfort differs for everyone.

he knew what he liked when he got upset, but the same couldn't be said for you

he didn't want to trigger you any further

tldr MY MAN WAS NERVOUS HBWAHAH

if you're not touch-averse during times of distress, he would take your hand in his and gingerly stroke the back of your hand with his gloved thumb

if you don't like touch, he'll hang back and talk to you softly, whispering encouraging words and maybe even humming a gentle song in order to calm you down

when it comes to self-deprecating thoughts, izuku is always there to help you

constant reassurances are made, and izuku vehemently stamps out any sort of thought that nobody likes you

while he doesn't want anyone to like you except for him, he can make some exceptions for his precious angel

depression often makes it hard for you to be able to do anything, such as brushing your teeth, drinking water, or even getting out of bed

izuku is able to coax your sheet-encased form out from the bed and into a warm bath with him, lighting some candles and pouring some bubbles in the water

depression also fucks up your sleep schedule; you either sleep way too much or not at all, but no matter what, izuku makes sure that you don't mess it up too bad

he wakes you up when you've slept for at least seven hours (will occasionally let you sleep for more but too much is bad for u) and will sing/soothe you to sleep when you can't

you feel terrible for keeping him up at night bc like!!!! ur such a nuisance!!!!!! dawg what why would you stay up w me im such a bad person!!!!!!!!!

and he's like >:(((( babe >:(((((( tf do u mean ur a bad person >:((( honey UR GORGEOUS and then he will proceed to pepper u with kisses all over ur face bc he's a great boyfriend :)

he will rob every single bank in japan just to get u a decent pair of headphones and i will stand by this fact until the day that i expire

since listening to music calms you down, headphones are a must in his eyes!!! even if you don't use them a lot, or even at all, deku always likes to be prepared :))) it never hurt anyone :))))))

if meds are prescribed to you, izuku will make sure you take them whenever needed

all in all he's like the best boyfriend ever mwa

he may be a villain but he's not evil!!!!!!! god!!!!!!!! get with the times broski

[gunmetal-ring]

anon again. i'm sorry that i keep coming to you with this depressing messages but you seem like one of the few sane ppl in this fandom and i appreciate your honesty.

truth is im feeling really disillusioned with hellcheer lately. we don't have a lot of "canon" content so after a while, it gets tiring going thru the same 2 scenes over and over again (especially when one of them involves chrissy's death). ive been relying on fandom but it seems like it's slowed down. fics arent updated as frequently, not a lot of new artwork.

heck, even joe and grace have moved on. joe's career is taking off. grace is leaving acting. it just feels like everything that happened last summer has come to an end :(

Aw anon thats okay. Ty for thinking of my feelings though 💓 (and also im flattered that you think im sane lmao)

Unfortunately its the way things go, especially with small ships, especially especially in a fandom as hostile as this one is. People come together and build community and share their love for characters and then g(r)o(w) their separate ways again.

But not everybody does! You and me, for example. And ive got plenty of hellcheer mutuals that seem perfectly content to draw, write, and rb their little hearts out.

I for one am absolutely astounded that theres even a fandom for hellcheer, let alone one with such talent and breadth and depth of love! Our characters had 2 scenes. Our girl was killed just as it all began. Our boy died with her name on his lips. In all likelihood we will never see them together on our screens again.

But somehow. Those ~10 minutes managed to foster an entire community of people and keep us engaged and in love w the characters for almost a year at this point! With no dangling promises or false hope or anything! Like we all know the score and we still go hard for hellcheer. Incredible.

Idk maybe it's just bc ive only had brainworms like this for 2 other ships and 1 of them is even smaller and the other one is a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions, so im a little biased in terms of community/fandom, but im just like... idk. I think its really incredible thats all. And a testament to the very real power and truth of hellcheer 🥰

All i can say anon is that the best way to keep a fandom/ship going is engagement. Likes on tumblr and kudos on ao3 are great. But whats even better and more motivating (and i say this as a fic writer/meme shitposter so im speaking the total truth lol) is reblogs and comments. Tell people how much you love their work and how much it means to you, it goes a very long way. And on the flip side of that - stay out of the infighting. All it does is sap your mental energy and the fandom infighting bullshit is a major contributor to why people leave. The negativity and bitterness warp your perspective and make it really hard to remember what we're here for - it's not anti-st*ddie or anti-qu*nn stans or anti-anti-hellcheer or what the fuck ever. We're here for hellcheer!

Sorry my $0.02 is now $2.00 bc i ramble lol its a fatal flaw of mine. Anyway im sorry if this is annoyingly positive or dismissive but im in a strangely upbeat mood rn so there you have it

[justsomerandomfanfic]

Hi! Can i request a romantic matchup for star wars, hp marauders and DC? :3 (sorry if i make any mistakes english is not my first language :3) Anyways, about me: I'm bisexual and demisexual. She/her pronouns but neutrals are fine. Infj 4w3, big 3 are; gemini sun, taurus moon, sag rising. I have short dark hair and I loveeee to style it like marilyn monroe (I'm obsessed with old hollywood) I have olive pale skin and dark brown eyes, I'm 5'7 and skinny but not too much mostly because I'm a figure skater! idk i think im really pretty! Mexican with italian and native family. Older sister that basically took raised her little brother and depressed mom (damn.)I love my family and basically love human interactions lmao. Extrovert (? idk) my friends describe me as likeable, charismatic, clumsy, witty, confident, idealistic, caring and nice. I love making people feel comfortable and welcome. People that don't like me may describe me as argumentative, annoying, stubborn, greedy, with ego or even mean and i'm not going to deny anything of that tbh. I loveeee feeling pretty and I'm a girly nerd girl, champagne colors, black and pink are def my thing. I love political science, neuropsychology, literature, women history and pyshics. My specials interests are: old hollywood, star wars (mostly obi-wan kenobi lol) manifestation, barbie and Sylvia plath. And yes, I'm autistic but I work with it really well. I love to perform and all that stuff, I was in a band, playing guitar and singing, musicals, figure skating, ballet etc. I don't talk about my problems to anyone, i just write them down because i don't really like to worry people and i know it's not healthy but idc. I always manage to be optimistic but realistic. I'm a perfectionist and I reaaaaally hate doing something wrong so that's mostly when I have my mental breakdowns lmao. Quite touchy with people i really like, hugs, touching faces, playing with hair, toying with hands, but I always make sure that they're okay with it! Also i'm quite bubbly and flirty but I'm not really interested on someone(mostly because now relationships are really weird, help.), I'm really specific with what i want and i have high standards. I hate: thunderstorms(im really scared of them) crowded places were i'm alone, really negative people, pick me's, pumpkins, immature people, facists, last minute surprise, people with horrible communication skills. Sand and the beach. Maps and driving, unfair stuff, sexism and men being stupid. I love: summer and spring, animals, makeup, any kind of music but my favs are: mcr, britney spears, fiona apple, the cardigans, marina, lana del rey, ariana grande, nine inch nails, the cure and bikini kill. Stawberrys, gossip girl, mexican soap operas (I LOVE RUBI AND TERESA!!!) comics and nerdy stuff (It all started because i wanted to prove a boy that I hated that I knew more about star wars than him and I ended up watching all the movies, series and reading all prequels books lmao)playing legos with my little brother, baking and having debates with my literature teacher.

Hello! I'm sorry this has taken so long to get posted! I hope you like it nonetheless! (I also love old hollywood! I love marilyn, audrey hepburn, and cary grant!) Enjoy! <33333

---

(Romantic);

---

Star Wars;

Obi-Wan Kenobi:

🌙 You met Obi-Wan on a random planet that he was visiting for some undisclosed reasons; you were walking with your friends past him, and as you both passed each other, you made eye contact - the world seemed to slow down, your eyes locked on one another - love at first sight

🌙 You didn't see Obi-Wan until when you and your friends we drinking in the nearby cantina; your friends gestured to the mysterious man across the bar, and you followed their line of sight - seeing the man that you had passed earlier that day, your friends hyped you up to go over and talk to him

🌙 The conversation floooowed, and I mean flowed, the instant connection that you had with this man was undeniable and intoxicating - you couldn't get enough of his voice and how his words seemed to grapple and pull you right in; it wasn't until later in the night that you found out his name, Obi-Wan Kenobi

🌙 Months later, Obi-Wan, trapped in the Jedi Laws, tried to hide how much he enjoyed your presence, but it was difficult, in the end - risking his Jedi life and duty - he confessed who he truly was, but you still loved him all the same

🌙 Your and Obi's relationship was kept a secret, even from most of your friends, though Anakin quickly figured it out - you and Obi were a perfect match, always there for each other, always understanding and caring towards one another; you both loved each other to the moons and back... And then some

---

Harry Potter (Marauders);

James Potter:

✨ You met James at Hogwarts, and you instantly felt a connection between the two of you - it wasn't long until the both of you were flirting with one another, joking around, having a few laughs; the feelings you had for each other were unspoken, but understood

✨ You and James were inseparable, whenever you could, you'd be together, joined at the hip, no matter the time of day - and you were always touching each other in some way, holding hands, playing with his hair, his arms around you; you'd often squish his cheeks together, James would always blush at the contact

✨ When spending nights together - either just cuddling or talking about your favorite music, comics, or your love for strawberries - and a thunderstorm arises, he is always there for you, distracting you or covering your ears while holding you; if a storm is coming, it's like a sixth sense

✨ During the summer, you and James meet up as much as possible - you get the opportunity to show him your favorite music, movies, and shows - sometimes if you're lucky, James let's you do his makeup

✨ James and your little bro would probably get along beautifully as well, and I would bet that James would love to play with Legos with you and your brother - even though he has no idea what they are in the beginning XD

---

DC;

Harley Quinn:

♥ You met Harley at one of her roller derby games - being a figure skater, you enjoyed seeing people roller skate - you immediately caught her eyes as she raced around the track; your Marilyn Monroe styled hair was amazing to say the least

♥ She had to tell you how much she loved your hair, and she did after winner her match, meeting you out in the parking lot before you and your friends left; she made sure to compliment you (a lot), and even gave you her card, which you took with a smile

♥ Her card didn't have any number or address, so you believed that it was going to be difficult to find her, but you were surprisingly wrong - small world, even if it was Gotham - you met her at this small convenience store, where you found her waiting for a breakfast sandwich

♥ You and her decided to walk around Gotham together, but the outing was short lived as she was getting chased by like ten people - you didn't see Harley for a long while, but when you did, she had a Hyena and a kid (and a nice car)

♥ You joined Harley and Cassandra (and Bruce) on their adventures, stealing marshmallows from stores, going around town causing slight chaos, and just having a grand ol' time together

---

[wttcsms]

sorry if you're not comfortable answering this, but I saw you say that you've been diagnosed with depression. how did you know when to seek help?

tl;dr: from a young age, i never lived a healthy lifestyle with an easy pace. i (and maybe even my family) put too much pressure on me, and i never really coped with it in a healthy manner. my attempt at handling things "with ease" and "not stressing" was actually just me bottling up my emotions, and it's not until things started getting really bad that i finally sought help.

nothing uncomfy abt it at all! discussion of mental health is pretty important! tbh, i never thought i would have depression or be diagnosed with it; i started showing symptoms for around a year before i started really thinking to myself, hey, i think there might be something up with me mentally and this isn't just some silly, quirky thing i'm going through. ever since i was around 18, i went through great lengths to ensure i would achieve maximum academic success but while being a full-time college student and consistently working 60+ hours a week (70+ during the summer bc my junior year internship was so intense; i also went to college 2 years early, so i think that's when the internal pressure to "do well in life" began) was taking a massive toll on me mentally and physically. i would survive off of 4-5 hours of sleep, consume concerning amounts of caffeine, i was losing hair, i was losing drastic amounts of weight, i was breaking out and breaking down, and even when i got better, i still wasn't fully ever healed from that experience purely bc my schedule just never slowed down.

i am still a full-time student, i am still working 7 days a week, leading to 60+ hours (40 hours internship, 20 hours at my weekend part-time job). on top of that, i am in the second to last semester of my grad school, i help out around the house bc after my older sister moved out, i took over the eldest daughter duties, i am still holding myself to a very high standard academically (already planning to apply to phd programs, studying for the cpa exam, already have another summer internship lined up). i knew things were getting bad because 1) i am finally older (im abt to turn 21! yay!) and i realized that the lifestyle i'm living isn't healthy and 2) a lot of my behaviors didn't feel "normal" to me anymore. it finally hit me around two months ago, when i realized that i sort of lost my love for fanfiction. i've been in a weird mood where i didn't want to read any fanfic whatsoever, but i chalked it up to being "too busy" and focused on other things. when i couldn't even find the energy to read my own mutual's fanfic, i knew something was up bc i always try to power through and remain enthusiastic on my friends' behalf. more behaviors that were a cause for concern:

my disinterest in everything that brought me joy previously. sweet treats at the end of the day, coffee before work, buying makeup from sephora, cleaning my room (sounds silly, but i love having a clean living space and cleaning my room used to be a source of peace and joy for me), writing fanfiction, reading books, watching youtube videos, catching up on shows that would release weekly and that i used to count down the days to watch — none of it held my interest. i wasn't excited, i didn't care.

it wasn't just a lack of joy from things i loved, either. rejections from programs i looked forward to/rejections from opportunities, abysmal grades in class, looming deadlines that i most likely wouldn't make, growing assignments on my work to-do list; none of this elicited a reaction from me. there was no stress (that i was feeling; subconsciously, i think the stress was still there and i just refused to acknowledge it), but there also wasn't disappointment or sadness. i had no emotional response to anything, and that was very concerning to me, and the main reason i contacted my sister and then her boyfriend (who is a licensed psychiatrist)

i could sleep for 12+ hours a day. there are many days in the week where all i want to do is rot in bed. not even in a "go on my phone and dick around in bed" type of way, either. i would have certain days where i couldn't leave the bed. sometimes, i wouldn't even feel tired, but i would just sleep. my internship is wfh and if it was a slow day with no assignments, i would clock in and spend that whole day in my bed, sleeping. it got to the point where i wish work was busy so i would have something to force me out of bed. yes, i would be aware of my tiredness sometimes, but this felt different altogether. i just wanted to basically hibernate lol.

i had constant headaches. i thought it was because of the nature of my job, where i look at computer screens all day, or maybe it was bc i wasn't drinking enough water. i would also get unexplainable cramps sometimes.

tmi, but little to no pleasure and an extreme decline in interest in sex

i had extreme issues with focusing on work and studying; a lot of my work (and school materials) centers around thinking through problems and applying tax law or guidance to certain situations.

my diet fluctuated; some days, i wouldn't want to eat, yesterday, i gorged myself on food, eating to the point where even i had to pause and go wtf.

not very often was i randomly sad, nor did i ever want to kill myself or self-harm; when i was a teenager (17/18) and probably showing signs of depression, i was very irritable, angry, sad, and had suicidal thoughts, thought i was worthless, an idiot, etc. however, i mostly just feel empty and apathetic during my episodes now.

what helped me seek help was knowing that my behaviors and how i was feeling didn't feel healthy, but also, my best friend recently shared her diagnosis with me and i would have never thought she would be depressed. my sister's bf was also a major help in getting me comfortable to consider the possibility of having a mental illness and also in finding someone to talk to. hope this helps!

edit: forgot to mention it, but i exhibited many/all of those symptoms for around the past 3 months before ever seeking help. those behaviors started manifesting tremendously and seriously disrupting my daily life, and i knew i needed to do something to get my life back on track.

[armada-megatrons-fat-tummy]

Masterpost

Hello, you may call me abyss or void. Welcome to my little hole. There will be horny bots and there will be Chubformers. Mostly fluff or comfort stuff though because it’s what I prefer

About me : A void has no gender and my pronouns are they/them. I’m an adult as of today and am very anxious and don’t trust well though I’d love to make friends. I experience terrible emotional fluxes which can be good or bad. I have an extremely time consuming job irl during the summer then I’m going into university so I’m sorry if I take a while to answer an ask or fic request. I experience dyslexic symptoms and have suspected autism, potential depression/anxiety maybe some other things but no diagnosis at all so I will not label myself with these things. I beg of you to be extremely clear with me because I’m terrible at understanding/interpreting and I hate making mistakes. It has cost me friends.

Some kinks I’m into : burping, weight gain, eggs, safe vore, indigestion

Anything im not comfortable with I haven’t listed so don’t try it in my ask box that is always open. It’s a privilege not a right.

I’m also a writer and have an ao3 account which I’ll be posting on soon! I take Chubformers writing requests. As for art I’m a shitty doodler and will occasionally post those.

Navigation tags : #thoughts from the void (my speaks tag), #art from the void (my shitty art tag), #abyss writes (my fanfic tag), #ask (any ask I’m given). Valveplug and Chubformers will be tagged accordingly as will any other thing. If you’re only here for Chubformers you can always find it accordingly as it will be more of what I’m focused on! I will also tag each kink accordingly, let me know if I missed a tag

Some things I won’t post/do(basically don’t ever talk to me about these things) star/scream. I fucking hate that guy. Bottom Optimus, absolutely NOT. Sorry Optimus fans but I don’t like bottom Optimus or really much of him in my kink stuff (unless he’s topping lol). I don’t do gore/fatal vore stuff because I much prefer fluff and wholesome stuff. If I ever write dark fic that’s on my accord and will rarely happen at all so please don’t request it. Keep it cute please🩷

DNI list : not a safe space for racists, bigots, transphobes, homophobes, xenophobes, pedos, kinkshamers

On the topic of kink shaming - don’t do that. I won’t shame you for your kinks and I expect the same. But please only interact with my kink list as I do not involve myself with others. Thank you

[lunabbybun]

(not nsfw, just rlly personal sorry pls ignore if u just wanna see porn hehe <3)

wow i rlly hate finishing a series i love ;;;

when i was in middle school i found comfort in tv shows and books, recently i haven’t been able to watch as many shows as i want or read basically any book, watch any anime… idk what it was, but i spent my days watching tv shows. i have watched so many shows, i was caught up on quite a lot of shows and would watch the new episodes right as they came out and tbh i miss that time when i was able to do that ;;

when i was younger i didn’t care about romance stories, i wouldn’t watch romance movies or read romance books but as i grew up i started getting interested by that topic… i would get attached to fictional characters and their love stories, the fandom ships, and overall just how romance was portrayed because i’ve never experienced it before… i loved dramatic love stories but also the rlly sweet and fluffy stories too!! so yeah i would turn to romance shows when i needed some comfort.

in 2021 i had one of the worse years i’ve had in a while… end of high school, applications for college, not knowing what i wanted to do after graduating, rlly big anxiety and health issues… that summer i came across a new show and got rlly into it, which didnt happen for a while cause i was legit depressed and not feeling like i could do anything, so i stopped watching new shows and all that… that show rlly made me happy! i started to draw a bit more thanks to it!

today, the last episode of that show came out and as much as i loved the ending, it’s been like 30 minutes since the episode finished and i can’t stop crying ;; i just feel an emptiness in my heart, like idk i just feel numb. like it’s not even my favorite show, i just felt so connected to the main character and stuff happening that it rlly just feels like i got rid of a part of me?? if that makes sense??

im rlly sensitive lmaoo so yeah i just feel a lot of things way too strongly (:

yeah that’s it, i just wanted to write that down somewhere ;; so i’ll be back to horny posting once i get out of the numb state where all i can do is cry <3

[henneseyhoe]

Updates and tingzzz + a thank you:

(Tw: mentions of depression and d*ath, please skip first paragraph if it makes you uncomfy <3)

I’m really trying to get back into the swing of things with my mood and writing, but it’s a bit hard for me rn. I have to kick up the gear and work extra hard on studying since I will be going off to college next year 🥲 not only that but it’s just an extremely emotional time of year for me because I have seasonal depression, I’m back in a bit of a grieving stage rn since having three deaths back to back around this time last year and going into early this year so I’m kinda emotional about that rn and everything is just kinda a lot, BUT! I will power through it and work + update (me manifesting LMFAO) 😭.

When it comes to country lovin’(cause I know some of yall wondering when that’s getting updated) I plan on releasing those chapters when it isn’t so cold. IM SORRYY, but I just don’t have the vibes to write it like that rn because country lovin’ is such a summertime read and I associate it with summer so much that it’s kinda hard to write it when it’s cold, especially since the winter makes me sad and country lovin’ is supposed to be warm for the most part. Hopefully, I can get rid of that association and still write for it though cause I already have more plans for it and I really enjoy writing it. Killa hotline on the other hand, I honestly don’t think I’ll update it again. It’s a possibility, but I’m just not focused on that storyline rn sooo yeah.

As for the Halloween fics that didn’t come out, I’m not sure I’m gonna put those out at all actually. I might wait till next year spooky season or something idk. Or maybe if I get in the spooky mood I’ll release them lmao.

And finally for the requests, they are closed 😭 I write many projects at the same time and I kinda bounce back and forth from them and I’m just now finishing up ones all the way from spooky season which is crazy LMFAOOO I really apologize for that like that’s horrible. It’s mostly cause I’m a really bad procrastinator and a perfectionist, but I’m trying to work on that. Anyway, requests won’t be open till sometime after new years and the tag list is currently being made sooo yeah!

ANYWAY! This was really long so I’m sorry for that, but I’d also like to say thank yall for 1.4K followers 🥹 ts make my heart skip a beat, I can’t believe this acc grew so quickly! And to say I was just bullshitting when I came from Wattpad to here LMFAO. I really wanna do something or write something for yall as a thank you, but idk who to write it about or if I should put a twist on it. I’ll think of something lmao. But seriously tho, thank all of you 🩷

- love, Henny <33

[logically-asexual]

I promise you there is a light at the end of the disregulation tunnel. I was where you are now a few years ago and it honestly terrified me.

Every summer and winter I fall into a depression, but I know spring and autumn are there, so I keep going.

You didn't always feel like this, so it is statistically impossible for you to feel this way for the rest of your life. We all ebb and flow, some ebbs harsher than others. Sometimes we're at the top of the world, other times we're bobbing in the ocean and repeatedly smacked into jagged rocks just trying to keep our head above water.

Find small things which make you feel warm inside every day and cherish them.

You can do this. I'm proud of you.

thank you for sending this. im sorry i am answering it days later.

and im sorry for venting even more below lol but i appreciate you writing this for me so so much.

for now im able to find happiness in small things but my problem is with the bigger picture, because making decisions that will change my every-day life terrify me, and when something terrifies me i hide from it in the little inconsequential things that make me happy. which is fine but is also not the best thing becuase i end the day the same way as it started and when i should actually be moving forward.

and you'd say "it's fine. you're surviving and that's good, too" and i agree with you but it's still super frustrating when i've been in this state of 'surviving' for like.. literally all my life with a few exceptions. i literally only do stuff that would create a positive impact in my life like once every 4 years. and then more often than not i stop following through that stuff soon and go back to square one.

i want to get out of this i just don't know how. and in the mean time when i stop just avoiding my thoughts and become too aware of my problem again i start feeling terrible and also being mean to other people and hiding away even more. i just wish that i could just break out of this and it wasn't that hard to actually start new things AND finish/continue them.

[levbolton]

It is I, anon from earlier today and I can now in confidence tell you that your fics have broken me down into nothingness.

Not only am I stupid and cannot read tags but I repeatedly let myself be comforted by your writing only to be hit with the sad truth at the end. You can’t keep getting away with this /j .Your style is so unique and I can feel the passion you have for the characters as you can see their inner turmoils on the writings. I love how you bring them to life

My personal favourite is Monologue (which is highly underrated btw). I love the dynamic between Fumi and Maki plus Fumi talking about her day made me smile so much. Then cane the gut wrenching feeling about Maki. Honestly you managed to balance the fluff with the angst out so well and I really adored it.

To conclude this annoying fan’s rambling, you are my favourite blue period writer and such a great storyteller. I know how you’ve stated that the fandom is quite inactive (cause it is) but your presence manages to be so outstanding to me. I don’t know why I was too nervous to follow now but I might as well write my letter of appreciation so it can be covered by the bots.

I hope you are able to continue doing what you love and have a great rest of day. 🙃

thanks op, kinda figured bcs i have emails from ao3 and your usernames match

personally 'monologue' is quite the lackluster for me, i wanted to use the concept, i think i wanted to make it about ytyt with yotasuke that would tell yatora about the summer festival only to reveal at the end that yatora was unconscious the whole time so yotasuke wasn't talking with anyone, i got the idea while working on 'a psychological take' (where i wrote already a summer festival so it felt unnecessary to do it again) and at the same time i wanted to write fumimaki (bcs there's literally nothing for this married couple, almost canon i'd say, more canon than ytyt), so i combined both, i was still in a phase where i wanted to kill all characters and make them suffer which i think i did a lot and now i just want to write them relax and be happy (writing depression is hard), so it's not really that original inside my head, but im glad at least someone else likes it (for me billy of tea was way more fun to think about)

tbh i've been thinking about moving on from blp for quite a few months already but i simply can't find something else to interest me the same way ytyt does, which sucks bcs if i don't write then no one will write stuff, rn i want to finish this fic i'm sorking on (i hope i get to 100k), then a oneshot about ytyt soulmates and another oneshot about miki and ayano only, then idk, i think it would be good to retire (not to be petty actually, but i did write 40% of the words in the yatoyota tag on ao3)

fandom isn't really only inactive, it is now a bit (i continuously try to collect blp fans here and on twt, the more the merrier), but i just felt ignored since the anime was airing, again maybe it was the bad timing bcs i started posting my first fic towards the end of the anime when people lost the interest bcs that adaptation is horrible, then in february yamaguchi had covid and from march to july it was complete hiatus and then the whole dj drama (which i'd lie if i said the mob mentality to drop it didn't affect me too although i was the one to uncover the doujinshis on my own weeks before it got to twitter, anyway my idea was: this isn't a piece of media i care about and i am already deeply in love with blue period so whatever, my respect for yamaguchi decreased and i got a passive aggressive attitude towards her until she posted the new year ytyt picture with bunnies this january, now i seriously don't care abt whatever else she drew - also damn i'm really side railing with this)

thanks again for your support, sorry for the long unnecessary text lmao, i have too much free time

[holdinbacksecrets]

well, things have been weird... I think depression and anxiety has been hitting me hard this past week to the point of like chest pain, i think I'm very familiar with heartache lmao. I'm a senior now, finally made it to year 6 in med school, and currently in my first rotation, i don't know how to feel about that other than fear of my own incompetence and failure to compensate for it because I'm just so exhausted..

As for writing, i haven't done any for like close to at least 1 year, nothing, even poetry has been sparse, maybe max of 3 this whole year. It's like slow torture... it's like the first death described in black swan. I've been trying to plan a novel, but all i have is Pinterest boards for characters and a main idea of a plot and it doesn't seem that this year I'll be able to give it time because it's hectic and important and i also have my damn research on thalassemia patient's quality of life and whatnot.

Loneliness is suffocating as well, I don't know what to do with it, i blame it on adulthood and maturity, hell im 23 yet i feel like i have the loneliness of a vampire watching every loved one fade. there's not much to do about it. everyone's busy and i hate human connection as much as i crave it.

I thought by now you'd have relocated btw because it's been a while that you've been talking about it, also didn't you go back for masters or is my timeline of events wrong cuz trust me I don't even remember my name these days

hi friend 🤍

i’m sorry about the anxiety and depression. i certainly understand how hard both are to deal with. anything you can do to get even a little bit of relief? is therapy an option for you?

congratulations on making it to your senior year! that’s a wonderful accomplishment! i watch a few med student youtubers, and i’m so impressed by everything that you all do. it’s a fuck ton of work. is school a major catalyst for the anxiety and depression for you or more so other things you mentioned like human connection/loneliness? everything?

even if your plans for the book aren’t as far along as you were hoping they’d be, i still think it’s really cool that there are ideas dancing around in your head. they won’t just disappear either, so you can always dive back in when it feels right and the writing is coming. you’ll have to keep me updated on this. i feel you on the writing thing. i’ve finally been able to do some writing again after months of shitty work, but the longer it’s missing, the crazier us writers feel. i hope it comes back to you sooner rather than later. a year is a long time. idk if i’d ever write without music. it’s such a huge source of inspiration for me.

oh god… the loneliness. i’m so touch starved that i don’t know what to do with myself. a huge part of me wishes i could erase my dating experience last year bc absences following what that little supernova gave me are apparent as hell. i feel like my isolation from covid never really ended, and i’m still trying to move out of it and form friendships in closer proximity. hating human connection and craving it at the same time—felt. i consistently feel like i have to be a better version of myself first, but will i ever meet a version i’m satisfied with? there are always mental hurdles to navigate. do you have any friends in your med school program?

your last paragraph pierced my heart a little bit bc i too thought i’d be in a different city by now. i lasted in my grad program for three months. it was horrible. i took a class last summer, and i knew pretty early on that it was the wrong choice, but i still started the fall semester. i wanted to give it a sincere shot and not make a rash decision (i convinced myself it was rash but it was really my gut saying important things lol). maybe in the future i’ll go back to school and do something completely different. i kind of want to get an english degree, but the idea of doing another bachelor’s feels strange. i wanted to double major originally but didn’t. for now, i’m working a remote job i hate and constantly job searching for something else. i’m passionate about community engagement work and environmental justice, hoping i’ll find something. i still want to move to chicago. i’ll be there in september, and i’m hoping my time there will solidify feelings and desires about relocating.

[alienaiver]

hello nohr my love i am back to report about what you are looking for is in the library!!

it was so lighthearted and left a warm fuzzy feeling in me! i felt the same way as you did when you finished the book, that everything will be alright 😭 it was a bit slow in the beginning but i love the themes in this book!

thank you SO much for the recommendation!!!

ps. i hope your headache is better now!

KRYSTAL I AM BOWING WEEPING 🙇🏻🙇🏻 I AM SO SORRY FOR ANSWERING TWO MONTHS LATE............. i shall accept any punishment sent by the gods 😭😭🧡 (i always end up being super delayed socially when i travel bcos the physical/emotional bill afterwards is so expensive 😵‍💫😵‍💫) (im also answering multple asks jere JSJSJ) but my trip to amsterdam was amazing! it was smack in the middle of my spring depression, but it ended up really cheering me up!!! ✨

but i am so happy u enjoyed the book !!! honestly it still lives rent free in my mind.. saw it on sale when i was in london but thought id had time to go back and buy it without all my suitcases 😭🧡 but i re borrowed it from the library the other day which also feels magical and in theme with the book!!!!! 🥺🥺🧡 and nozomi's so lovely, shes so cute. i love the subtle way she becomes just a little bit more confident with every interaction we see, shes so determined !!!!

and WAAAH the before the coffee gets cold books always has me weeping like a kid 😭😭 theyre SO beautiful !!! the cafe itself sounds so comfortable and nice to be in, the atmosphere so warm. id like to write my stories there!!

kazu especially touched me so much. her entire story thru all the books is so healing to follow somehow, and the way she is written is just absolutely wonderful!!!! what story was your favorite? mine mustve been the sisters.. that really touched my heart when she went back to see her. generally all the stories with people who passed away were all so delicately written, and the way 'nothing they do will change the current time/future' but THEY STILL CHANGE SOMETHING. they didnt change the timeline necessarily but they changed something...... bawling my eyes out just thinking about it again 🥺🥺🧡

have u had a good start to the summer? (and was ur spring good, since the messages were from then? 🥺) 🧡🧡🧡

[1d1195]

hiiii !!! i finished ding and i just jasndjfhkadjadj I ADORE them🥹 they truly are just perfect for each other (girl omggg i NEEEEED a future blurb about the rematch and him winning he deserves it after all that anxiety😭 also you should do something where bc they do a rematch and none of them consider that first fight a real match IF HE WINS THE ONE STRIKE IN HIS LOSS COLUMN SHOULD JUST DISAPPEAR LMFAEJFKK)

I WAS SOOOOOO HAPPY TO SEE A TRADITIONAL BLURB !!!!! idk what it is about them but they just have a special place in my heart, i think when you were first posting the series i was just in a really different place in my life, not bad but not really good it was sort of an adjusting period, and i would get on here and read them and they just made me feel sooooo good and it was just a safe place to get lost in and everything. your writing truly is such a blessing thank you so much sam <3

AND THENNNNN last night i couldnt sleep so i was scrolling on here and i saw an anon mention committed and i realized I HADNT READ IT YET so you know i went back and read everything including their blurbs and ohhhh myyyy goodnessss😩😩 THEYRE SOOOOO ADORABLE they way they were just soooooooo down bad for each other ???? i need that otherwise it would never work between me and someone else. THE JEALOUSY BLURB WAS PERFECTION AND THEIR FIRST TIME ?????? AHHHHHHHHH

things are kinda boring on my end, it's officially iced coffee season again and i LOVE THAT. i CANNOT drink it during winter i already tend to run cold so that just pushes me off the edge and i just cant warm up again but now its hot out and im not sick anymore!!🥳 so thats fun

music wise i havent really been listening to anything new but i was on the phone with my sister this morning and i turned on Magic by 1D and its suchhh a fun song😭 ive been feeling more upbeat songs lately and that one has been on repeat ALSO last first kiss :))

hope your doing absolutely amazing lmk whats new with you what've you been up to ??

~🎶

Ahhhhh! Hi! I've been thinking of you! Glad to hear you're not sick anymore! I don't have very many new songs either--I'll have to look! I'm def PMSing so I'm looking for depressing songs to fit my mood rn lol. I'm back on my Noah Kahan kick. MAGIC IS SUCH A BOP. I use it to help me clean my apartment.

I'm so glad you liked Ding and I'm thinking that's a great idea 😉 I'll try to work it in!

That's really sweet about Traditional. It's def the series most people seem to like overall. I'm sorry you were in a tough place but it makes me happy you felt safe here on my little blog. It means a lot to me 💕

I loved Committed! I think it was a random idea (not super suggested) or at least I hope it wasn't because I can't remember. I just liked that TikTok that went with it 😂😂 They were oblivious little cuties for sure. Loved them �� SO glad you got to read something knew from me even though I'm def gonna be slow this week! I remember you saying you liked to read finished series so that's probably for the best. They were being annoying part way through if I recall. Not quite a cliffhanger but very Ross-Rachel just shut up and be together sort of thing 😉

I'm SCREAMING about iced coffee season. I drink it year round. My friends send me the snowblower memes during storms that say like "need anything from dunkin?" it's so me. I'm happy for you though! It's like it's officially summer once you start right? That's good news!

Tbh May was really tough for me in about every direction. I'm still kind of overwhelmed with a lot of stuff, but summer is looking more relaxed while still doing a bunch of things. The highlight of the last few weeks was probably reading my trashy romance book and going to a couple book stores and getting more books that I shouldn't have 🤭 It's also POLLEN SEASON around here and it's quite miserable. But it's okay, I will be fine. Just got to get through a few more days of craziness 😅

SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU! LOVE YOU!

xoxo