#also it was originally supposed to be angela talking to him

[kanerallels]

For @chenford-prompts 2 Weeks of Chenford, prompt: Injured.

This is set sometime mid season four, and is obviously not canon compliant. It's also technically a deleted scene from a fic I'm posting later this week, but doesn't have any real spoilers. Oh, and it was inspired by a piece of art by @accidental-spice, that I will link here when it's posted!

(TW for hospitals and injury)

Tim felt like he spent a lot of time in hospitals for someone who wasn’t a doctor. Sure, it was bound to be a part of his job— hazard of being a cop was you got hurt. A lot. And he was fine with that.

It was when it was someone else who got hurt on his watch that things were different.

He glanced at the bed he was sitting next to, and his heart twisted in his chest at the sight of Lucy Chen, pale and motionless, hooked up to a heart monitor. He hated seeing her like this. It was unnatural for her to be anything less than bright and energetic and full of life.

She’d been shot on patrol. A shooter had gone after him, and she’d tackled him just in time. Just in time for him to be safe, and for her to be hit herself.

Tim could still feel the panic swelling in his chest at the sight of the blood welling through her shirt as he clung to her, begging her to stay with him. She’d been unconscious by the time the ambulance reached them.

But somehow, miraculously, she was alive. The surgery had been fine, and she was supposed to wake up by the next day. The others had been in to visit her— Jackson for a brief stint, Lopez and Wesley right behind him with Thorsen. Genny had been one of the more recent visitors, carrying a bag with his things, and had walked out again with Nolan. He’d stayed longer than almost any of the others— besides Tamara, who had been right there with him for hours, until the Greys insisted on driving her to their house, where she would stay the night.

Tim hadn’t moved from his spot in hours, and he didn’t intend to. Clasping his hands, he bowed his head, emotions swirling in his chest.

She’d taken a bullet for him. And that had landed her in the hospital. I failed. Again. I couldn’t keep her safe.

“Neck deep in the guilt spiral already?”

Tim’s head snapped up at the sound of Harper’s voice. Handing him a disposable cup, she said, “I thought I’d bring better coffee than what they sell here.”

“Thanks,” Tim muttered, taking a sip. 

He could feel her studying him, and elected to ignore it. Finally, she said, “It wasn’t your fault. Lucy knew what she was doing.”

“She was jumping in front of a bullet meant for me. If I hadn’t—”

“No,” Nyla said flatly. “Don’t try and take the credit for it. Lucy made the choice to protect you, and she wouldn’t want you to be worrying about it like this. Don’t make it about you.”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do,” Tim said. “I just— she shouldn’t have—”

“Shouldn’t have what? Shouldn’t have made the same choice any other cop would have made? Shouldn’t have protected someone she cares about?” Nyla snorted. “Sure. When she wakes up, I’d love to see you sell her on that.”

She turned towards the door, then paused, looking at him. “Accept the fact that she got hurt helping you, and then move on. Wallowing in it isn’t going to help anyone. Got it?”

“Got it,” Tim said, looking back at Lucy. Like it or not, he knew she would have said the same thing.

That didn’t mean he was going anywhere, though. Sliding his chair a little closer, he took her hand, lacing his fingers around hers. He felt Harper watching them for a minute, then she turned and left, leaving them alone together.

[bronx-bomber87]

Good Evening and Happy Tuesday. Ahhh we’ve reached glorious s4 aka the season where Tim and Lucy emotionally date each other while they’re in relationships without realizing it LOL The amount of emotional intimacy we get in this season is unreal. We get more growth for them both personally and professionally. Also the insane amount of work flirts is crazy but amazing. I love this season so much. Let’s get going with the premiere.

4x01 Life and Death

When we last left our gang Angela was abducted from her wedding. We start the ep out with an intense OP in progress. Tim asking Wade if they have permission to enter? Grey has a flashback to Angela’s original disappearance before he answers. We hear Lucy saying Jackson is gone along with Angela. We end up in Grey’s office with a gruesome video of their abduction.

We watch as Angela is loaded into a van and Jackson is taken as well. It’s then we see Jackson fight back but he is shot and killed immediately. Loaded into the trunk like cargo. It's horrifying to witness tbh. Watching everyone’s reactions is crushing. They’re all in shock at what they’ve just seen. Can’t believe it’s happened. Lucy’s kills me the most. Harper and Tim are shell shocked. Nolan is a statue. Grey looking as devastated as I’ve ever seen him.

What was supposed to be this momentous and happy occasion is anything but. Lucy just lost her best friend in the blink of an eye. Hurts to watch. All of them are stunned into silence. I remember watching the premiere thinking no way they just killed Jackson right? He must be ok....Just wounded..... Unfortunately that is not the case. We lose him to La Fiera’s senseless violence. I rewound the scene to make sure. I was so stunned I couldn't grasp it. Ugh. It's such a heartbreaking way to start the season off.

Grey comes back to the present and confirms Jackson been killed when replying to the Tactical Leader. The leader saying they need more time before they breach. Grey lets him know been 3 hours since Jackson was killed and Angela was taken. He wants his people to go in he can't wait. Tells Tim and the others to breach now. They’re searching the warehouse where they tracked the car that took her. They make it inside and see the car is empty. Lopez’s wedding dress on the ground.

Lucy goes to grab it when Nolan stops her. Says there’s a trip wire and it leads or C4 under the car. They head back out and request the bomb squad. Saying they can’t track the next vehicle till the scene is clear. As they’re leaving Nolan spots the dirt road outside it. Actually has useful information for once saying they took a plane not a car….

We return to Lucy with Nolan at the station. She’s currently beating herself up for not catching that trip wire. You just lost your best friend love. It’s ok to be a little unfocused. Lucy is breaking my damn heart. Anytime she cries it just hurts to watch. Melissa crushing it over here. The way she loses it over talking about Jackson hurts my soul. She’s wearing her medal he gave her too. Killing me softly with the details. I want to hug her but Tim will cover that for me shortly.

She asks if Nolan if he really thinks Lopez is alive? He says yes. Harper and Tim enter asking why he thinks that? They all start theorizing why she took Angela and where. Tim tells them they have to look at it with cop eyes not personal ones. Lucy brings up the baby. How they bonded over motherhood. That psychologically she could see how Angela betrayed that bond when Diego died. The best revenge would be to take her baby..So dark and twisted.

Grey comes in and tells them the DEA isn’t going to help them due to politics. That being the short answer. Really just red tape BS. Their main focus is finding Jackson’s killer which will hopefully give them a beat on Angela. They figure out Jackson scratched his killer as his final act. Knew he was going to die so he took his DNA with him. They’re rushing results to find out who and that he’s hopefully in the system. He went out like a bad ass doing that gotta say.

Grey tells them all to get some rest if they can. I love her letting Nolan pass by her first. Hanging back for Tim. Needing to show her deepest vulnerabilities with him only. Craving his comfort and a deeper convo with her person. Her and Nolan had a surface talk earlier. What she needs is so much more than that right now. So she naturally turns to Tim. Waits for them to be alone before spilling her emotional guts completely.

First off let me say I love the height difference shot here. Feel like we haven’t had a significant one in a hot minute. I’ll always love the tall/smol between them. Gives me ship tinglies in a way I can not put into words. Hehe Also what seems like intentional distance between them during this scene. Because we know what’s coming in their next one. Zero space between them.

Lucy confiding in Tim how she can’t go back to her apt right now. To his empty room...it’s far too much for her at the moment. Tim instantly offers up his place to her. Saying she shouldn’t have to. No hesitation whatsoever offering up solace with him. That part of himself he can’t explain with her taking the wheel in this moment. All he knows is she’s hurting and he wants to help her hurt less. It’s an innate reaction of his to protect her emotionally. Even when he doesn’t understand it. It’s that instinct that drives this decision.

Lucy being Lucy doesn’t want to impose on him. Even when she’s intensely grieving she’s thinking of others. Thing is she is anything but an imposition to Tim. Never has been never will be. He reinforces his offer telling her she shouldn’t be alone right now. Tim isn't taking no for an answer. He see's she is hurting and vulnerable so he wants to protect that. Protect her.

No way he was he going to relax or get sleep of any kind knowing how upset she was. Lucy caves and accepts his sweet offer. Too tired and emotionally drained to fight him any further on it. Tells him Thanks and Tim is brief in his reply. 'Yeah.' Just wanting to get her out of the station to decompress. Get her away from anything that will remind her of Jackson right now.

Next is the moment that is burned into all of our memories. So many facets of this moment to dissect. It’s glorious. Tim being chivalrous takes the couch. Or tries to at least. Lucy won’t allow it at all. Tim says he can’t let a guest sleep on the couch. They battle a little and Lucy wins. (Cause Wifey usually wins ha) Tim gets up and you can tell he wants to do more for her. Erase her pain or comfort her more. He just isn't sure how...

He asks her if she needs anything? Lucy almost replicating her reply in 2x12 about time travel. Tim once again wishing he had the ability to reverse time for her. If he could engineer a time machine just to take her hurt away it would be built already. No doubt in my mind he would move heaven and earth to make that happen. Instead he replies he unfortunately doesn’t have that power. So Lucy asks for something he most definitely can give. A hug. Love her being this vulnerable and asking him for what she really needs.

Then comes this beautifully intimate hug. It’s the way he pulls her in as she’s falling apart. She is clinging to Tim like he’s the only thing that will keep her together. (Good shot of that ring too..pretty sure that’s intentional) How she folds into arms effortlessly and buries herself in his chest. Like she was always meant to fit there. A puzzle piece fitting perfectly into place.

How gently he cradles her head. So delicate with his hand. It's so tender and affectionate. Encasing her in his arms fully. Space is not a word they know in this moment. It's like he’s trying to shield her from her pain by enveloping her completely. Strokes her hair in a very intimate manner. While she is clinging to him for dear life. Their chemistry is explosive in just the hug alone. I'm getting overwhelmed with feels just writing about this. The way he pulls away is very telling. It’s not just an instant break from their hug.

Tim lingers in his proximity to her. You can see it in the 4th gif above. Running his hands down her arms very slowly. Like he’s trying to extend his time touching her. Waiting to the very last inch to let go. Even when he runs out of real estate he gives her a little affectionate squeeze. Lucy isn’t adding to their distance either. Her head still very close to his chest when they part ways from this hug. She looks like she isn't ready for it to end. Her body still instinctively leaning toward his.

Tim still hasn’t stopped touching her yet. Look at that first gif. He’s still rubbing her other arm as he gazes down at her. The vulnerable way Lucy is looking up at him. *oh my lord* Still leaning into his touch. Into him. The intense shared glances they have here is electric. Lightning in a bottle chemistry goodness is what this is. I remember first time I watched this I felt like my skin was tingling with excitement. Couldn’t believe they were staring at each other like this. How they looked liked they could possibly kiss. I held my breath.

It’s that magnetic pull of theirs. They’re drawn to one another in general. This is the first time they’ve been this close to each other. Probably since the 2x11 moment where he cradled her. But this is much much different. Tim is the one to break it off before they lean into each other any further. I think he knows what will happen if he doesn’t stop this. Tim being the honorable man he is won’t take advantage of her in this state.

I also think this is Tim's ‘Uh Oh’ moment with Lucy. Man isn’t aware of his feelings just yet (ain’t even close to being ready for that) but he is VERY aware of his attraction in this moment. He can't fight the fact he is attracted to Lucy anymore. That much is obvious with this entire hug and his touches. He just showed his hand to her. One he had so tightly guarded to his chest for so long. So he cuts it off before it can develop into something more. Is the one with more self control by telling her good night. Lucy's face after he’s walked away looks like she just had an epiphany. Like ‘Oh shit I’m in love with Tim Bradford..’ Melissa’s face says it all for me.

It falls in line with the she fell first he fell harder scenario. It’s then we see them both trying to come down from their emotional high. The adrenaline of being that close to one another. What almost happened. This moment reminds me of one of my all time fav Caskett moments. Castle watches Beckett go to her hotel room after a similar almost kissed moment. He stares at the closed door and you see Beckett fighting with herself on the other side. Debating to open the door. By the time she gets the guts to open it Castle is long gone into his room.

The way they both stare in the others direction with intense longing. *heart damn clutch* Tim can’t get settled and neither can Lucy. Both trying to process the intense moment they just had. She looks like she’s having an internal battle with herself above. We say Lucy breaks Tim brain a lot and she does. But in this moment Tim has broken her's and she is having an internal struggle after they part.

Now Lucy is the one who decides to go for it. Can��t take sitting in her thoughts any longer. Stares at his bedroom door and gets up. She instantly retreats when she hears him come back into the room. Scurrying back to the couch so Tim doesn’t know what her plans were. Tim telling her Wesley knows where Angela is. The mood shifting completely.

Makes you wonder what her plans were had Tim not gotten that call. Was she going to knock on his door? Just give him a look and they would give into their emotions? I mean she must’ve had a plan of some sort. Possibly relying on that silent communication of theirs to say everything for her? The UST in this moment is off the charts. It’s the first time either of them are truly aware of the sexual tension between them. It really hit Lucy hard with her wanting to act on it.

I’ll always be happy with the way they got together. I adore the canon version. Them getting together in this moment would’ve been very messy. But I adore the tease we got to start the season for them. Was a very promising sign. I remember thinking damn this season gonna be amazing. It felt like it was their pre-get together season. And it was exactly that. Also I'll never be over the fact she’s in his clothes and wearing them damn well might I add. I am dead this scene so so good haha

Everyone arrives at Tim’s place for next steps. Also is no one going to question why Lucy is already there? No? ok...LOL This is totally normal. What I love most about this next section is how in-sync they are. Just a matching power couple in black. Also cross armed Tim mmm my fav. Sexy forearm time look at those puppies. Mm love to lick those like a lollipop. Yum. Also the intense amount of heart eyes Lucy is throwing him in this scene. Girl you have an audience put those away LMAO Clearly has not come down from her hug high. If Tim looked her way in that moment he would've been speechless with their intensity.

Wesley is telling them Angela is at a compound in Guatemala. That he’s going to get her back but he needs some help. Everyone jumps in and Grey stops them. Saying only people truly qualified for this is Harper and Tim. (Why Nolan gets to be apart of their OP based on that logic idk LOL) Nolan does bring up the good point about Max from 2x14. The counterfeiting case they had where they let his team go in exchange for their killer.

Tim explaining to Grey his unit runs covert operations all over the world. He could get them in undetected. He owes them for not putting his sins on blast. He would give them tactical support on the ground as well. Lucy is gonna hang back with Grey per his decision to help on Jackson’s murder case. While Nolan will fold in with Tim and Nyla to contact Max and get their mission going.

They land and their original plan doesn’t pan out. It was to get in covertly through the blueprints Nolan steals. Unfortunately Plan A is squashed due their covert entrance having a steel gate installed. Covering up the only weak spot for the house making the blueprints useless. Tim also brings up if they’ve added this gate who knows what else they’ve added inside? Says they have to go to Plan B which Nolan and Harper bitch to him about lol

Tim is the ONLY ONE with military experience. He knows how to quickly adapt in a hostile environment especially when a plan goes to shit. Even though its super risky it's their best option. Nolan I expect the whining from. Harper should appreciate this since she was a UC. Yeah its not ideal but bitching at him doesn't make it better. It's only ok when Lucy does it haha

I do love this scene above so much it’s underrated IMO. Lucy telling him she doesn’t like Plan B is too funny. He looks so damn exasperated by her dislike of the plan. Harper and Nolan turning around is too funny I have to say. Like we told you she wouldn’t like this plan....When really it’s just her worry coming through in spades. Her person is in potential danger and she doesn’t get to have his back. Lucy is very far away and her worry is very evident. The secondary plan puts him in more danger. Danger she can't control that from another country. So she is a little anxious. Poor thing.

Side note before we delve into the moment above. Military Tim is a flavor I like very much. Look at him. How does this man make such an ordinary outfit sexy as hell? He’s wearing the hell out of that t-shirt Ovary explosion on-top of his sexy biceps popping out of it. *fans self* Also its not shown here but his belt hanging over the edge of his pants. Wish I could've fit more gifs of Military Tim. I'm bummed I could not haha (shakes fist at tumblr's gif limit) Anyways It’s like he wants me to implode from the thirst trap that he is. Plus the 5’clock shadow lining that sexy jawline. Have mercy.

Anyways another underrated moment in this episode is Lucy telling him to be careful. It’s such a loaded moment. Look at the way she is anxiously shifting around. You can see Lucy is bouncing her knees up and down trying to get her nerves out. She not even close to processing losing Jackson right now. She can’t fathom losing her person too. Lucy needs to let him know to be careful and she’s worried. That she cares. Lucy is so very stressed for Tim. It's driving her insane she doesn’t have his back in this moment.

If Harper wasn’t there I’m sure his answer would’ve been a little different. More sincere and soft. Since Harper is Tim is doing his macho confidence thing to keep her from worrying instead. Tim is also confident in this plan even if it’s more complicated. More shock and awe. As he says. Sending Angela into pre-mature labor then intercepting her at the hospital with the antidote. Which they do pretty flawlessly. Angela dispatching of La Fiera while pregnant was pretty damn bad ass before getting away. Also I love them all pulling a gun on Max to pick up Wesley/Nolan HA Wesley and Angela's reunion in the helicopter is super sweet I love them ❤️

Fast forwarding 3 months to her having the baby, them all healing a bit more after Jackson’s death was a good call. Angela and Wes arrive home to a welcome home party. Lucy could not be cuter with her excitement over her baby basket. She made her all these organic and homeopathic cookies. Once Lucy departs Harper tells her not eat the cookies LMFAO But it was something positive for Lucy to focus on. It made her happy to assemble it for Angela. So sweet.

The episode ends with Angela talking to Jackson’s gravestone. Ugh my heart. Her updating him on everything. Saying she hopes by the time her leave is over she can face the station without him there. Killing me Angela. I love them naming their kid after him. Gut punch to the feels. Ep starts with a gut punch and ends with one. Hell of a start to an incredible season.

Side notes- non chenford

I love when Grey says he’s feeling biblical about losing Jackson. We all were Wade. So upsetting…

The intro of Elijah. He’s a solid baddie I enjoy his SL with Wesley. The things we do for those we love. Actor is solid af cause I hate him so much haha doing his job well.

Also in that post hug scene I love that Tim has a photo of Kojo on his bedside table I love this man sfm.

It is very kind of Grey to remind Nolan he’s done as a rookie. Everyone in the room is happy he’s a P2. He’s a putz but a somewhat likable one haha

I love the portion with Grey and Lucy. They got a hit on the DNA. They’re riding together to get this little shit. Lucy is still rattled and Wade tries to help her get past it. What’s great is he starts out as the one telling her she has to be professional, do her job everyone is depending on her too.

Especially Jackson’s family. Then he has a crisis of conscious right before he arrests him. His speech to that kid hurts to listen to. ‘A young man so full of life. Hurts my soul to think of him in that dark room on that cold table’ oof.

I will give it to Nolan him saving Wesley was pretty awesome. That’s his one compliment this season from me haha

Thank you as always to this incredible fandom, you amazing supporters who like, comment and reblog. Means everything. Shall see you all in 4x02 :)

[blubary]

Little Hope was originally supposed to be set in the early 2000s

(This totally is not an excuse for me to share a new AU with everyone…I swear.)

When the game first came out, me and @sargeantsarmy remember the cop talking about the crash and saying the people were newlyweds but I actually have no way of backing that up. I just VIVIDLY remember him saying it.

Eric and Rachel got married in 2001, 2 years before House of Ashes takes place. 2001 is also the same year they got in the crash in Little Hope. And if the cop did actually say “newlyweds” it would make sense that it was Eric and Rachel. But I couldn't find anything where he said that.

Also, Anthony does not at ALL look like he's in his late sixties. I mean, yes, it could just be because they didn't have someone who looked closer to that age, or Anthony just aged REALLY well. In 2020 Anthony would be 67 and he definitely does not look it. If it took place in 2001, Anthony would be 48, which I find to be much more believable than him being over 60.

Lastly, there is one piece of dialogue that kind of ties it all together in my opinion. It happens when Andrew and John are making their way to the police station and Andrew talks to John. I can't remember the exact conversation but I do remember that Andrew is being playful and tells John to “get with us millennials.” This made no sense to me…At first, I thought it could've just been Andrew making a joke, but that felt unlikely. However, if it took place in 2001, then both Andrew and Daniel, would’ve been millennials. (I’m ignoring the fact that Taylor would be Gen X and John and Angela would be Boomers…)

While Daniel and Taylor are walking to the bar, Taylor asks about Daniel saying that they could be dead.

This was the conversation they had:

Daniel: “I saw some cable show about how your brain keeps going after you- you know…”

Taylor: “You die?”

Daniel: “Forget about it, what they said didn't really stack up.”

Not a lot of Gen Z watch cable anyway because of social media. There is always the fact that he could have watched dit on something else or actually just watched the cable show, but it just seems a little specific.

But oh my god, I just love the idea of these guys having flip phones. I mean, come on, that would be awesome.

I feel like John would’ve been so afraid of Y2K which is so funny to me. Andrew was only scared because everyone else was scared. He didn't actually think the world was going to end. Angela and Taylor didn't believe in that shit. Daniel didn't think about it hard enough so he was a little scared, but eventually accepted his fate.

[the-resurrection-3d]

@glitteronin activated my autism trap card so I decided to expand on my "the poison song in Hazbin ep 4 feels like rape porn" hot take.

I'm kidding. My actual hot take is that the episode is pretty alright anyway.

So this originally was going to be a reblog of someone else’s posts about how Angel’s characterization "makes it obvious [Viv] doesn’t think abuse is bad,” but I decided to just leave that person alone. I’ve also revised this quite a bit, because I want to present ways of thinking about representation of trauma that aren’t just “graphic = bad” and “metaphor/off-screen=good,” and preserve my own attempts to think through this conflict. So don’t expect a definitive thesis or anything too prescriptive—I welcome other perspectives here!

It is also worth noting that someone with a rape kink DID help storyboard the Poison montage. Last I heard, they are not a survivor and just grew up very repressed. I didn’t bring this up before because the Instagram post I saw from them only said they helped “choregraph” the dance, so I wasn’t sure if they has only storyboarded the dance sequences or if they’d done the entire thing.

Anyway.

Based on the latter part of episode 4 and what Viv has said in the past about being a survivor (IIRC) and Angel Dust being her comfort character, I feel like she does care about abuse, but there are a ton of little different points of friction that are all coming together to undermine Angel Dust's arc as a part of a larger anti-abuse project for many people.

I want to say I’m coming at this from the perspective of someone who largely appreciated what the episode was going for, and was not triggered by the montage. Not to say that people who were triggered are wrong in their criticisms – just that I’m not coming from a place of immediate emotional distress, and I’m not judging Angel’s reactions to his trauma against my own.

I’ve said elsewhere that the Poison montage has the same energy as a lot of rape porn—meaning it has the same focus on the heightened emotional states but none on the real physical toll of these events. Specifically, the scene made me think of this quote from Angela Carter’s The Sadeian Woman, which is a book-length academic work on the rape porn of the Marquis de Sade:

It follows that prostitutes are favourite heroines of the pornographic writer, though the economic aspects of a prostitute's activity, which is her own main concern in the real world, will be dealt with only lightly. Her labour is her own private business. Work, in this context, is really dirty work; it is unmentionable. Even unspeakable. And we may not talk about it because it reintroduces the question of the world. In this privatised universe pleasure is the only work; work itself is unmentionable. To concentrate on the prostitute's trade as trade would introduce too much reality into a scheme that is first and foremost one of libidinous fantasy, and pornographic writers, in general, are not concerned with extending the genre in which they work to include a wider view of the world.

Of course, this does not perfectly map onto Hazbin Hotel: indeed, the project of episode 4 (however successful the individual viewer found it to be) is to introduce a lot of reality into Angel’s facade of a Being A Walking Hole.

Still, to me, a lot of the episode still works on a similar wavelength as the porn author’s “libidinous fantasy,” as even the parts of his story we are supposed to find upsetting and painful are still the parts that are sexualized in conventional rape/non-con porn, and follow the same fantastical logic. By which I mean, Angel can be shown briefly in pain or tired from being attacked for hours, but never for too long, and he certainly doesn't get too tired or high he stumbles in his high heels, or so tired or sore he messes up a take and they have to stop and redo shots (something that is very common in the production of even regular ass porn, btw). Hell, his bruised eye from Val slapping him is gone by the time the montage is over.

Indeed, the montage revels in forcing us to become not merely witnesses, but spectators to Angel’s victimization: the song is energic, the cuts frenetic, with tons of small shots that can easily be clipped out and used as regular pornography—the shots of Angel and Val fucking being probably the most obvious example, as without context, there’s nothing to suggest that Angel is being coerced, even as he is bitten. Part of this is intentional, since Angel Dust is supposed to be "addicted" to the lifestyle—the song itself is clearly supposed to have the energy of something like "Toxic" by Britney Spears, which Viv said in a Q&A was Angel's audition song.

And despite our culture’s increased awareness of and (lip service) empathy to survivors, it is truly daring to be portraying this kind of reaction to abuse. I saw multiple people on my timeline say this made them feel seen, and I am happy for them.  

 But then we have Husk calling Angel a loser over being abused a few scenes later, and them singing a fun, jazzy song about it. Sure, we now have a good grasp of Angel's character motivations—and I wouldn't be surprised if this pacing decision was in response to Angel getting blasted for years as an offensive caricature of gay men—but would someone who just got gangraped for hours really be receptive to THIS message from someone they were just fiercely arguing with? Furthermore, on a purely character level, why is Husk doing this and not Charlie, who is the one Angel was having actual conflict with earlier in the episode? The scene itself is fine, and it's completely understandable why they would want to end the episode on a lighter note, but the way the story is being paced makes it feel like Viv wants to just rush through to get to the HuskDust stuff.

Revising this essay, I revisited an old essay by Will Harris that I frequently cite when discussing ethics of representation, wherein he points out that the “I”/eye of the [there poet, here viewer] is not ethically neutral:

Witness carries no moral imperative in itself; the act of seeing is not inherently virtuous. Or you could say, its moral charge lies less in the “evidence” it provides than in how it’s rendered in language. The viewing “I”/eye is a fiction, inasmuch as it cleanly separates the subject from the object. So the job of the writer is not just to choose what to look at, but to work out how to represent the complex relationships embedded in the act of looking.

The paragraph before this has Harris cite Scenes of Subjection: Terror, Slavery, and Self-Making in Nineteenth-Century America, wherein scholarSaidiya Hartman refuses to reprint Aunt Hester’s beating from the first chapter of Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass. “It’s too easy to put such horror into words and so think that you’ve faced up to it,” as Harris writes. “Accounts of extreme hurt may prompt indignation, but Hartman argues that they eventually “immure us to pain by virtue of their familiarity.” That in some sense, to demand “suffering be materialized and evidenced” is more “obscene” than the original torture.”

Of course, placing this quote here in this essay about a show that is currently being lambasted for portraying graphic rape at all, in an online culture that often conflates representation with endorsement or some secret moral deviancy on the author’s part, would be to suggest that portraying rape on-screen is itself an issue, when representations are always bound by their historical and social contexts. Sometimes you do have to be that graphic, but like Harris says, it’s easy to think just showing the horror in itself is meaningful — and I think we all are a little too blackpilled here on Tumblr to think that just Showing The Horrors is enough to produce meaningful change within the average person.

However, I think the more useful idea of Harris’s is “withness.” Harris writes that in these more ideal poems,

Subject and object are no longer distinct from one another. In such a state, the self is implicated—emotionally and ethically—in the other. It’s impossible to conceive of “being” without “being-with.” Hopkins writes: “With witness I speak this.” In my head that line always reads: “With withness I speak this.”

I think this is what the episode was attempting to do—to force us into the uneasy position of a spectator before moving us into witness (as Husk is asking the same kinds of questions we would be asking about Angel’s behavior, reacting with concern as we would even as we see through Angel’s facade) and then withness. Literally, two characters dueting about finding comfort in their core similarity. This is why it had to be him and not Charlie: Husk is in a much better position to produce withness than Charlie, given how the episode clearly parallels his deal with Alastor to Angel’s contract with Val.

Still, this kind of emotional-logic-driven storytelling leaves out any viewers who don’t resonate and does not offer them anything else to latch onto. It also does nothing to satisfy the structural questions raised earlier (couldn’t Charlie have sent Husk to deal with Val for some reason? It probably would be a dumb reason but at least the episode would have symmetry).

I still hold the big problem with the episode is that we are directed to think—indeed, are told directly—that Angel is “addicted” to this lifestyle, but we aren’t given a real origin point for this behavior: the trauma and addiction to said trauma are a closed loop. Val is such an obvious piece of shit, to the point of even sexually harassing the literal Princess of Hell the very second he meets her, that we get no sense of what drew Angel in. Sure, we can make inferences that he likes sex, likes drugs, liked fame, but if Val has always acted like an obvious psycho, Angel blaming himself for his abuse is, in a very cruel way, completely justified.

But in real life, even people who get with obvious shitbags often have reasons for this laid in their past: it’s rarely the case that a normal, well-adjusted person is just so fucking stupid they end up marrying Mister Rape.

This disconnect between what I’m being told to think and what I’m actually being shown is where this attempt at withness failed for me, and the lack of attention to reality and general indulgence of the montage is probably what people are picking up on when they say it gave them kink vibes.

But still! Looking at the montage in context, I can appreciate what Viv was trying to do. The real sickening thing, to me, is that the internet is so unwilling and unready to engage with Viv’s work and with this type of representation in any type of good faith, so even if it were a 10/10 absolute masterpiece, it wouldn’t have mattered. Can’t wait for the next Angel episode so we can have this discourse all over again!

[that-fandom-writer]

@my-shields-are-down asked about The Rookie timeline I was creating this is what I got lol

The Rookie Rewatch

@MANDY_rieger on twitter has been helping me with a few things I forgot to add in originally

so I am doing a rewatch of The Rookie while we are in a hiatus and I am tweeting about it while I am at it lol. I am also trying to make sense of the Timeline lol so this post is gonna be me tracking the time line the best i can lol

s1ep1 - Two days

s1ep2 - based on the beginning of the episode I think it is still the first week of training

is s1ep5 is a month

s1ep7 is 2 months in

S1ep11 is 4 months in. Nolan said “4 months together” to Bishop

S1ep12 is Valentines day so Feb 14th.

Would that mean that they started in october?

s1ep14 is 100 days in because that is plain clothes day

S1ep16 is march 19-march 20th, Capt Anderson died MArch 20th 2019

S1ep19 is about 6 months because they have their 6 month exam.

Also in s1ep19 during Talia’s meeting the IA officer said “this past october you failed to secure your vehicle”. Which means that the episode where the one dude takes selfies in the shop is in October, (s1ep3)

So season 1 is officially 6 months.

I CAN'T with this shit lol.

Ok so the opening scene of s2ep1 starts with everyone getting to the hospital, and it picks up right where it left off, but like legit the next scene is at Nolans new place with Jess and they were talking about the shooting the night of the quarantine and she says something about 2 weeks, then the next scene is TIm’s return to work. So like I’m assuming we’re at about 6 and half months now? Lol

S2ep2 - still at about 6 months. Grace and Nolan ran into each other again for the first time in years, and Grace asked Nolan how long he’s been a cop and he says 6 months.

S2ep3-s2ep4 Is 2 weeks. Rachel tells Lucy him and Rachel have been dating 2 weeks.

S2ep6- Wopez have been together for 5 months

S2ep6 They graduated the Academy sometime in September

s2ep6 - the dui they are discussing was March 16th.

S2ep7 Jackson is 26

S2ep8 as of this episode Tim has been a cop for 12 years

S2ep10- this episode is Dec 7th 2019, as well as dec 8th 2019

S2ep11 is dec 9th and 10th

Which means we are already at 14 months which is the most broken thing in this time line lol.

S2ep18 one year into being a Rookie. And they have 1 month. So they are at 12 months, but they hit 14 months already soooo this timeline is too broken lol hahahahahaha

S3ep1 picks up where s2 left off. Also we find out Angela is pregnant

S3ep2 Tim says Lucy has 25 days left of training

S3ep4 Nolan has said a dozen times this episode that he is 46

S3ep5 Tim says Jackson is 24. But when Tim and Jackson went to the football thing Jackson said he was 26 🤔😆

S3ep7 the missile threat was June 3rd 2019

S3ep9 is suppose to be 13 months but I mean come on now 😂 Angela says she's 14 weeks pregnant

S3ep10 is the first day of Lucy and Jackson as P2-which means it’s *suppose* to be 13 total

S3ep14 when Lopez is in guatemala the nurse says she is 29 weeks pregnant.

S4ep1 is suppose to 14 months because Nolan is at the end of is rookie period

By the end of the of the episode there is a 3 month time jump

S4ep5 is Halloween- pretty sure it suppose to be of 2020 technically as it is AFTER dod which was dec of 2019

[babymorte]

What are YOUR thoughts on Maria's design?

okay okay okay ive gotten a lot of people asking my my thoughts on the silent hill thing and i just haven’t gotten around to replying im sorry that i haven’t gotten around to it so im just gonna put all my thoughts here if that’s okay??

*also spoilers*

to answer your question first..! i don’t hate her? she looks like a mix between kristen bell and ashley in re4 remake honestly…like they made her look too likeable? you’re not necessarily supposed to kil her? like there’s always something kind of off about her but you don’t know what kind of thing in the original…this maria i would trust with my life. like im not mad about it not even a little…she just oooks like a lost kid not someone whose meant to seduce someone? i get why people are upset but it’s not like ada in re6 bad so i don’t really have any complaints !

for the game as a whole? absolutely pumped i am so beyond excited and i am SO SO SO proud of bloober because you can tell they really are putting their all into this game. they haven’t really shown eddie yet though so im kind of worried about how they’re gonna change him cuz his mental breakdown scene is brutal and like they need to treat it carefully i think…

angela looks great and im wondering if they’re going to make her assault actually canon since thats always just been a fan theory. i definitely think there’s going to be backlash on some of the themes from people who don’t know how fucked up the game actually is and I’m sure they’ll blame bloober 😅 ur everything looks so good. the fog looks great, the lighting is spot on, it looks absolutely beautiful…they’re using the same dialogue?? like i really do think this is a game for the fans as much as it is a blatant cash grab and konami being ever the opportunist as they always are but like there’s been so much to look out for and compare between this remake and the og that fans who like that stuff are gonna have a freaking field day (totally speaking for myself here). Im very excited. I’ve been excited since it was first announced like bloober is one of my fave devs i want this to do well so badly you have no idea.

as for the rest of the transmission there’s a lot of collectibles i want but it’s kind of annoying there’s no collectors edition and you have to buy everything separately? like it is konami after all so im not surprised but like come on you know they’re all expensive as hell. honestly all the merch is pretty dope!

and the movie?? im so excited like we don’t need a sh2 movie but im gonna love it im sure. i love the first silent hill even though the story is changed so drastically because there IS enough subtle fan service in every scene for you to look for on top of the blatant ‘come see our movie cuz pyramidhead is in it’ fan service (which you know was a studio decision to put him in) but like such care was given to the first movie because the director is a fan of the games like an actual fan and you can tell! just like paul anderson with the first two resi movies (i will die on this hill) like i have so much faith return to silent hill will be good!!

like i know im getting more excited than i should be because its konami we’re talking about here. they’re bound to fuck it up somehow but I’m really hoping for once they’re using their heads and we’re gonna get some good silent hill content 🙏🏻🤞🏼

[adamwatchesmovies]

A Christmas Carol (1984)

There are many adaptations of Charles Dickens's A Christmas Carol to choose from for your Holiday Christmas marathon. Many consider this 1984 version by Clive Donner the one to go with. If you ask me, no Christmas season is complete without viewing either Alastair Sim or George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge.

Ebenezer Scrooge (Scott) is a bitter miser who considers the ideals and spirit of Christmas pure humbug. He hesitates to give his underpaid assistant Bob Cratchit (David Warner) the day off and scoffs at his nephew Fred (Roger Rees) when he suggests a holiday dinner. One cold Christmas Eve, the ghost of Scrooge's former partner Jacob Marley (Frank Finlay) appears to him with a warning "You will soon be visited by three spirits, heed their counsel and change your ways or risk an eternity of suffering."

Though originally made for television, this is a top-notch production. The locations/sets transport you to 1843 London like a Ghost of Christmas Past and the costumes all look authentic. The stage is set and George C. Scott is perfect for his role. One look at the actor and you can practically see every time he's rolled his eyes at the concept of charity. He delivers the over-the-top dialogue like it was written for him but Scott also grounds the story in reality. It makes the drama that follows that much more powerful. Scrooge is a miserable, horrible person… but he’s still a person. His journey through the many Christmases the ghosts take him through rouses intense emotions.

So much of what makes this story endure is the message. Christmas is a joyous time, but it can be scary under certain lights. That uniformly white blanket over everything, the bare branches swaying in the frigid wind, the shortening days, the cold… the idea of ghosts emerging from the darkness just fits. These fears are juxtaposed by this renewed hope of salvation, the explosion of generosity and the potential for miracles. A Christmas Carol taps into all of those sentiments. There are talks of gifts but no commercialism. It’s about the importance of relationships with loved ones and what you must do to keep them close to you. That's not to say any adaptation is a hit; the cast and the production's dedication make this a special rendition of the timeless story.

There’s only one flaw with the film: the portrayal of the Spirit of Christmas Past by Angela Pleasence. It isn’t her performance; it’s that unless you know what the movie is trying to do, she'll leave you scratching your head. She’s supposed to be candle-like: a light that could easily be put out (which is why we see Scrooge extinguish her with his cap). You can't tell unless you already know. Otherwise, everything you want to see in this story is there. The comedy of a miser so cheap he won’t even spend money to keep himself comfortable, the drama over lost love and seeing a heart grow cold, the warmth of redemption and the horror of the ghosts. As a child, I distinctly remember seeing the Ghost of Christmas Present (Edward Woodward) showing off Scrooge’s “children” to him and finding it terrifying.

It’s easy to become bitter around Christmas. Even if you don’t feel like the true meaning of the holiday has eroded, there’s so much pressure and so many high expectations that are rarely met. 1984's A Christmas Carol is the perfect remedy for any bitter sentiments. Whether you see yourself as Ebenezer Scrooge and need to be shown the error of your ways or you’re his nephew and need your faith in others renewed, this is the movie for you. Its final scene always brings tears to my eyes. (December 14, 2020)

[kiruvry]

I NEED TO KNOW MORE ABT THE MIITOPIA PLAYTHROUFH

HIIII!!!!! OKAY OKOK

just to start with its just like. my teammates that are overwatchy and stuff because i hardly think id have enough people to work with if i made npc smth from ovw 🤨 but what i do have is uhh!!

jack, gabe, ana, reinhardt, cassidy, genji, moira, angela, torbjörn, lena and then winston for the horse LMFAOOOO

the blackwatch team were supposed to be the ones i had in realm of the fey rather than neksdor but i remembered you only get the tank job in realm of the fey so i had to swapsies 🤨

OK SO LJKE. OK.

im at the point in the game where ive just gotten to peculia and like. have just gotten to the darker lord yk 🤨

- jack is the main hero, i play him as a stubborn chef (grillmaster76 reference 😨) but bc of the yk . main hero thing he's swapped jobs to being a thief with the neksdor crew (i missed gabe) and was a warrior with the realm of the fey crew B)

greenhorne

- gabriel i played as a stubborn thief, moreso because you can't get the vampire job until way later on but also like ?? i dunno man!! i kinda fucked with it so it's staying

- ana i chose to be a kind mage i think . i was gonna make her cool originally but i kinda enjoyed the little quirks w the kind personality 🤨 mage i chose for reasons not even i really know ?? i was definitely tempted by the sleep tight skill i think LMFAO

- reinhardt i play as an energetic warrior, for like. obvious reasons id hope FGAHGSJAHDJAF

neksdor

- cassidy i played as a laid-back popstar, for genuinely no other reason that nothing else fit and i really wanted his hat 😭 also i thought itd be so funny to have him of all people be the like. relationship fixer 💀

- genji i played as a cool imp i think . ya. i would've gone warrior with him because of the sword but i really did NOT wanna repeat jobs it makes me so 😿😿AUEEUUgh repeating them so i ended up going with imp for him ?? it's really funny to be honest 😭

- aaaand moira i played a cautious scientist :] cautious not so much because it matched personality wise but moreso for the quirks that it has, i felt they'd be fitting !! reasoning for the scientist job though i think is obvious HSJAHAJAJ

realm of the fey

again this was supposed 2 be the blackwatch folks but i had to swapsies bc im crazy picky with my jobs 😿 ueueue

- mercy i played as a kind cleric, kinda because like. Woah. The Healer . but also the opportunity for the resurrection ability with angela gawddamn ziegler of all people is way too good to pass up on 🤨

- torbjörn i think i made a stubborn tank?? my friend violet suggested the tank job for him and it made me giggle bc it reminds me of his turrets HEHAGSGAJSJSF i also thought itd be really funny for him to straight up launch teammates

- tracer i chose to be an energetic cat i think . YA . energetic because like. this is lena oxton we're talking about . and i think i went with the cat job because of it's like. IDK it feels fast/agile and the claws reminded me a bit of tracer's double guns so 🤨

for non teammates i don't have many npcs who are ovw folks, but the process behind deciding the first dark lord was really funny HEHAHAHAJAJ

legitimately my train of thought was like... who in overwatch is just incredibly pathetic . nobody came to mind. thought harder. reach an epiphany.

and then we got here <3 (mii by @violetspark14 btw !!! they're fucking CRAZY)

and great sage ramattra followed shortly after, i think it's the way they dress + the staff and sorta the general vibes of the sage?? IDK. i remembered i had to assign a mii and like.

(VINE BOOM)

(AGAIN, MII BY VIOLET :] they're responsible 4 theeee ramattra + maximilien + torbjörn miis :])

you can't see everybody here properly but!!! the gang :]

and of course i can't just NOT let you all see this video when i managed to capture it in time ❤

[sixty-silver-wishes]

Sideways on Youtube talks about this in some of his videos, but I'd also like to talk about it too. In order to work, the concept of theatre hinges on suspension of disbelief. You know those are actors on stage, and that the sets are painted and not really houses, but you let yourself ignore that in order to engage with the show. (It's a lot less weird when you remember those creepy, oddly sexual men in leg warmers and crazy hairdos are supposed to be cats, guys!) Musical theatre, ballet, and opera push this a step further; when the story is told through singing and/or dancing, most of the time, the characters aren't really singing and dancing in universe. There's the old adage in theatre- "when the emotion is too great to talk, you sing, and when it's too much for singing, you dance," and because theatre as a medium already employs suspension of disbelief, singing and/or dancing in musical theatre, ballet, and opera all are effective ways of conveying emotion. We, the audience, can believe that, in the world of the production we're watching, these characters are having an argument or proclaiming their love to each other in regular speech, but because we can suspend our disbelief about the singing and dancing just as we can suspend our disbelief on the sets and costumes and makeup, the performance can magnify those emotions and it will still feel logical to us.

You'll see the same elements in many silent films, too; as these films did not yet have sound, actors also relied on more exaggerated gestures and facial expressions in order to make up for a lack of vocal inflections and tones on screen. While the medium of film allows us to see close-ups of their faces, unlike theatre, this lack of sound means the acting must be more fantastical. If you were to take a silent film and adapt it using the same script and acting techniques into a live-action sound film, it would probably look ridiculous. Modern filming technology and acting techniques also allow for less suspension of disbelief, as there is more of a call for realism and "believability" in cinema.

There's an awkward disconnect between the acting that is required for theatre and the acting required for sound films, which is why it's so hard for me to enjoy movies like, for instance, the film adaptation of "Sweeney Todd," although the original musical is one of my favorites of all time. "Sweeney Todd," like in many other musicals, portrays a wide amount of emotions through song, and balances humor, tragedy, and horror- sometimes all at once. But when Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter are on screen as Sweeney and Mrs. Lovett, their performances are far more toned down than, say, George Hearn and Angela Lansbury's, because they're not on stage; they're on screen. If Johnny Depp were filmed running around the street singing "Epiphany" with all the passion and fury of Hearn's Sweeney, breaking the fourth wall and demanding at the camera that the audience come in for a shave, even if he gave the best performance of his life, it would likely look more silly than frightening, because we the audience wouldn't be convinced of his performance in the same way that we would of a stage actor. Hearn's Sweeney is- to me- far more terrifying and memorable than Depp's, and part of that is because Hearn was working with the medium of theatre and not film; it allowed him to- while singing a rhyming musical theatre number- push his emotions to a convincing limit that modern film techniques likely could not. Depp's Sweeney, on the other hand, must be more subdued while singing; he's angry, sure, but he doesn't communicate the same level of emotion because of the medium he's working with. And while Burton attempts to remedy the fourth wall break by having Depp threaten unresponsive extras, it doesn't hold a candle to Hearn with his maniacal eyes, stepping down from the stage and pointing his razor directly at the audience (hell, when I saw "Sweeney" starring Josh Groban, my friend and I were sitting close to the stage, and I was a bit nervous he'd point at me!).

Now that my Sweeney Todd tangent is finally over, let's talk about what suspension of disbelief means for animation. Animated films work well as musicals, because they also require suspension of disbelief. We know those are just moving pictures, and perhaps excluding people in costume, we'll never encounter Mickey Mouse walking down the street (and thank God for that!). Exaggeration, like in theatre and early film, is frequently employed in animation, because animation isn't limited by the bounds of reality. Even 3D animation restricts the suspension of disbelief more than 2D, because that third dimension is a constant in our reality; you can still stylize 3D animation of course, but not to the extent that you can with 2D. (Side note: Stop motion lies in a weird uncanny valley, which is often used to great effect. If I had the budget and resources to apply my "Caligari" adaptive screenplay to a full film any way I wanted, I would use stop motion due to this.) "Realistic" 3D animation like we see with Lion King 2019, on the other hand, allows for little to no stylization because it's so close to reality; it becomes difficult to suspend disbelief when this medium is utilized, and when it's applied to mediums that require suspension of disbelief like stylized animation and musicals, it doesn't go well.

one day i'll make a video essay about how the disney live action remakes undermine both animation and musical theater as art forms and storytelling mediums

[furrywerewolfpizza]

Strang girl

"I can explain," throwing my hands up in surrender I stuck them in my pockets. Will still by my side opens his mouth but I spoke before he did,

"-I didn't meen to disturb the piece. My name's Isla. My family moved here in Hawkins, four years ago, me and Will know eachother since fourth grade."

"Looks like Will's got himself a girlfriend," the dark brown skin boy talks.

"My eyes turn to Will, "What. He-

"We're friends. She's like my sidekick," Will leat them know. Pointing at the chubby boy, I wonder why he's having a cow. "What's wrong with him?"

Getting good views of the game and eyeing points I understood, so I raised my eyebrow. On screen it shows names all are ok until Madmax came along destroying players, epically. Player Max killed everybody. I move on to other games named Donkey Kong three and Frenzy till I gote tired leaving out, Angela pop the lock so I gote in.

Just now I fill cold hands around my neck, it did not hurt it mad me fazed and mostly stun.

"What's wrong with you? Oh my God," sis scoffed.

"It's cold." I whisper while she drives down Old Cherry Road. We past by a red meal box stopping in are drive in that's mad of pole and roof, colored white. Like all the other houses it was painted white too, are mayn top roof dark green. I begain running my shower quickly warming up. My body slouched as I mad my way back to my bedroom, sleep took over me and I dosed off.

The one same dream slipped in my head consisting of events, events evolving a dark world and I'm being followed by something weird looking, slimy, slidy and cold. It felt just the same as earlier night. Sicken, I hurled chocolate bars at it.

End of dream

Chapter 2

Trick or treat

Oh man astral projection sucks! Everytime my energy is drained. Mom mixes green milkshakes in the blender for me and her , sis wants raspberry. I took small sips, "Delish, what did you put in this?"

Mom bit some bacon pieces from her plate, "Two percent milk with fresh coconut, banana, kiwi and mango. A little dannon is in there too." She gives me blueberry eggos.

"Someday, I wish to cook as good as you." I said, my sister licks her fingers happily enjoying the toste. I ate till four-fifty o'clock. Today is Halloween and I'm exceptionally unprepared, mom bought cookie dough alongside the Piggy Wiggly. I bought nothing, my main focus supposed to be working on my exercises. I need better muscles in combat. Plus it relieves stress.

I walk outside with my yoga mat and started warming up, doing butterfly stretches, splits, also powerhouse poses. When I did roundhouse kicks, the events of yesterday creeped in my head. Something weird is going on. This town is strange but good strang, what happened last night wasn't normal. My priestess always told me about energy and knowing auras. I begain mediatating in a criss kross style silently breathing, red light over took my eyes as they open. I look through the trees seeing what created it, but found nothing.

Sounds echoed out fare beyond the parking lot. I lost concentration.

Are door opens, "Whoa! Ah!"

Angela slips on a rock landing on her back. She was dumbfounded by me that she didn't pay attention. I couldn't perceive everything until my sister spoke. "Nice levatashon,"

Before I said something, gravity pules me down. Unfortunately mastering all my spells hasent emerged, Angela stayed on the ground as I stand up. She fallows me inside after I clutched my mat, holding it under my arm. My hands rubbed the rolled up Styrofoam. That was weird. I started getting ready for school. I didn't by a costume, so I pute on Halloween's original style. A witch 🧹🪄.

Dressed neatly in black, I spin around. My dress was hand made by me, customized lase and pretty cotton. I grabbed my old witch hat along with it my backpack. Dad bote the pack for me last month, I thought that was cut, magenta color and black zippers. I check my makeup than walked out my room. Hill shoes aren't my type I'll trip, so I put on gray slip on shoes. I fix two loos tassels.

[mystacoceti]

My maternal grandmother seemed to my infant self a woman of such physical and spiritual heaviness she might have been born with a greater degree of gravity than most people. She cam from a community where women rule the roost and effortlessly imparted a sense of my sex’s ascendancy in the scheme of things, every word and gesture of hers displayed a natural dominance, a native savagery, and I am very grateful for all that, now, although the core of steel was a bit inconvenient when I was looking for boyfriends in the south in the late fifties, when girls were supposed as soft and as a pink as a nursuree.

Gran was ninety when she died ten years ago and wandering in her mind, so she’s talk about the miners’ strikes of her girlhood, how they’d march in their pit dirt and rags with banners and music, they would play harmonicas, and she leaned out of the attics of the house where she worked as a chambermaid to watch. She would have made a bloody awful chambermaid, unnaturally servile until something inside her snapped.

My maternal grandfather, who died before I was born, originally hailed from East Anglia. There was no work on the farms so he joined the army and I think his regiment must have been sent to south Yorkshire to put down the strikes. Nobody ever told me this in so many words, but I can think of no other reason why he should have arrived there in time to meet my grandmother in the late 1880s or early 1890s. He met her; they were engaged; and he was sent to India.

When we were clearing out my grandmother’s effects, we found a little stack of certificates for exams my grandfather had passed in the army. In Baluchistan, in the Punjab, in Simla, he had become astoundingly literate and numerate. He must also have learned to argue like hell. Furthermore, he became radicalised, unless the seeds had already been sewn in the seething radicalism of the coalfields. He wrote to my grandmother once a week for seven years. Characteristically unsentimental, she threw away their letters, with their extraordinary fund of information about an NCO coming to consciousness through the contradictions inherent in the Raj, but she kept the stamps. What stamp albums my uncles had.

Of all the dead in my family, this unknown grandfather is the one I would most like to have talked to. He had the widest experience and perhaps the greatest capacity for interpreting it. There are things about him that give me great pleasure; for example, as a hobby, later in life, he enjoyed, though only in a modest, yet a not entirely unsuccessful way, playing the Stock Exchange, as if to prove to himself the childish simplicity with which the capitalist system operated. My grandmother thwarted this flair, she never trusted banks, she  kept his money in matresses, no really, in biscuit tins, on her person, in her big, black, leather bag.

When my mother’s father came home, he married gran and joined the ILP and went to live in London, first Southwark, then Battersea, four children in a two-bedroom rabbit hutch. A yard, no garden. No bath.

from “The Mother Lode”, Angela Carter

[quibbs126]

I’ve been drawing these the past few days, so have a sketch dump of Layton characters, though it’s basically just all Des

(If you want context and headcanons, look under the cut!)

The one with the round glasses is just what I imagine Sycamore was like during university, a nervous and clumsy student who’s always tripping over himself and can’t navigate a conversation to save his life. Don’t be fooled though, this is (for the most part at least) all an act, he’s probably one of the most competent people there. Not that many people know this, only ones who cross him. He was probably voted “[University]’s Pathetic Little Meow Meow” (maybe Gressenheller? I haven’t decided yet)

Next I decided to draw Rachel and Leon. I very much like the idea of Rachel being taller than her husband, and just wanted to draw that

Then we have Des with Angela, currently under the name Simon Foster. I’ve heard the theory about Desmond actually being Angela’s brother who supposedly died in the Akbadain ruins, and I very much like it. Here he’s supposed to be teaching her how to change your voice for disguise purposes; he taught her what she knows, she took to it very eagerly

Then I drew that picture of Descole having a breakdown. Personally, I imagine at some point this man’s going to have a breakdown about his identity after the events of Azran Legacy, since Sycamore’s been dead for years and Descole no longer has a reason to exist with Targent gone. In my head, after someone asking him this question, he sort of slowly spirals to insanity, chuckling and then laughing as tears roll down his face and he falls to his knees, and it devolves into a mixture of laughter and crying as he literally doesn’t know. I wasn’t sure how to convey that with a still picture, and I don’t know how to animate, so this was the best I could do

Next we have a picture of Hershel Bronev with a young Dimitri. I saw like, one picture where they were both kids and friends, and I just really liked that idea, so my headcanon is that the two were childhood friends. Dimitri was that sickly kid who would usually just stay inside, and he didn’t really have friends, until one day another kid went up to him and asked him if he wanted to go look at rocks with him or something (I dunno the exact scenario, but basically Hershel just approached him one day and dragged him somewhere to look at things) and afterwards they found that they both liked weird things and were both sort of outcasts, and they just sort of became friends. Here Hershel is probably dragging Dimitri home so that they can look at his things while talking about puzzles and archaeology, while Dimitri just follows, a bit shocked that this kid’s being so friendly with him. One day however, Hershel just suddenly disappeared, along with the rest of his family. Dimitri never found out what happened. He later assumes that they must have moved away, but something about that always seemed off to him, as it was the middle of the school year, and Hershel had never mentioned anything about moving soon, nor the rest of his family. But as I said, he never got the answer. He probably mentioned to Clive one day while pretending to be evil Layton how it was funny, he used to be friends with a kid named Hershel. Or he mentioned it to Claire

Okay, maybe having Des connected to two characters is a bit much, one or the other on their own would have been fine, but I like both headcanons, so

Hershel’s arm looks weird, I didn’t know how to draw it. I was trying to draw him holding Dimitri’s hand while leading him somewhere, but I couldn’t find a reference for what I wanted. Also I originally had him facing Dimitri, but I flipped it, but without moving the arm, so it just looks off

Whether you want to see this as Desmiti or not, that’s completely up to you, I’m still not sure where I stand on the ship. The blush I gave Dimitri was just supposed to be because he’s young, as most child characters in Layton have blush, but if you see it for shipping, go right ahead

So yeah I think that’s it

[thingstrumperssay]

I actually want to talk about this in detail since it's actually super ironic.

Major spoilers for a 20+ year old game. (/Like, a week old?) I always tell people not to look anything up about the game since it's still probably one of the best plot twists in video game history.

(TL;DR at the bottom)

People trying to hypersexualize a CSA victim from Silent Hill 2 of all things is ironic because the plot twist of the game is that James murdered his wife because she wasn't attractive enough for him anymore, both emotionally and physically.

She was sick and dying from an "unknown disease" and she was becoming unattractive to James. So he took one of her pillows and suffocated her to death with it. The disease was convenient for him. The doctors determined that it was the disease that killed her and he was able to repress what he just did because of that.

But he still had deep-rooted guilt that manifested into monsters in Silent Hill. Some of the monsters are sexual or sexualized. One of them is just two legs and two vaginas fused together. (Called "mannequin.") The nurses have their faces twisted but their bodies are, again, hypersexualized.

There are more monsters who looks like they're constantly struggling, and one spits acid in James' face because Mary kept verbally abusing him since she was dying and she believe that he didn't really care. (And she might have been right.)

It's highly implied that there was at least one nurse that James either did cheat on Mary with, or wanted to cheat on her with. He was able to see all of these healthy women take care of his dying wife who's body was becoming "unattractive" to him.

Maria is a manifestation of what he wished his wife was. She dresses in a way where more skin is shown. She flirts with James despite her knowing that he's married. She is constantly teasing him. But she's also killed by Pyramid Head over and over again because she represents the wife he killed, and Pyramid Head represents James as the guilty murderer.

Pyramid Head is a representation of the guilt James feel. The second time he encounters the monster he's raping a mannequin to death. Then he throws the body aside to attack James with the large sword he drags around. (Again as a representation of guilt.)

After James looks at a tape of him killing his wife the large knife is ditched for a much lighter spear since James isn't repressing his memory anymore.

There's also a second Pyramid Head. People seem to believe that it's because he kills Eddie, but that was out of self defense so I doubt it. I think he's there because James' guilt is stronger after he's no longer in denial of his murder but I'm not that sure. (You can also take the knife. Using it on the final battle is one of the things that could get you the "in water" ending.)

By the way, Angela was originally supposed to be seventeen. (Maybe she is in the remake. I dunno.) They changed it to nineteen because of how dark her backstory is. (This way it's not outright confirmed that she killed her rapist father as a minor.)

TL;DR: James kills his wife after she becomes less attractive to him both verbally and emotionally. His guilt manifested into a version of his wife that is a lot more sexualized than she is, but she's killed over and over again to represent that deep rooted guilt he feels.

Basically the message is that it's bad to want to hypersexualize women for your own gain. The games are saying that the people doing that to Angela are the bad guys. And that's what people trying to hypersexualize a child rape victim from this game ironic.

Do you think the incels who complained about the CSA victim in the Silent Hill 2 remake not being fappable enough for them found out the big reveal by now? I wonder how they'd feel? (I wonder if they'd even understand the message?)

[wibble-wobbegong]

i know i’ve talked about this before, but i’m gonna try and make my thoughts more organized here.

mike, as a character in the stranger things universe, cannot exist if he is straight. he is a character. characters are used to build themes. if mike doesn’t conform to the theme of the story, it puts chips in the foundation of the story. even more so since mike is not just a main character, but an original party member, and THE main character of season 1.

what is the overarching theme of stranger things? what message is it sending? this is open to interpretation per the individual, but i’m working off the basis that the story the duffers are telling is meant to show that being different makes people stronger. makes them capable of overcoming the evils in the world.

time and time again throughout the series, we’ve seen the “normal” people being directly connected to or having the same goals as the evil of the upside down. those common goals have aligned in hurting our protagonists. we’re introduced to the concept of our protagonists being hurt by “normal” people in season 1 with troy and james bullying our main characters (lucas, dustin, mike, and will) and our main characters being targets of the upside down (el and will). then, in season 2, we see our protagonists targeted by the upside down (the show has started to spread out into an ensemble by this point, but all of them have to fight against the upside down) as well as billy, a “normal” person, hurting lucas and max.

in season 3 the “normal” people begin to overlap with the upside down. first, billy is flayed, then more and more people who are viewed as “normal” start to melt into the mind flayer and we aren’t supposed to sympathize with those characters. season 3 only gives nuance to one character: billy. we’re introduced to his backstory. he remains a part of the mind flayer’s army till the very end because he is still a “normal” character who harmed our protagonists but he ends as a victim of the mind flayer (i hate the way this tried to redeem billy’s actions and world views which were inexcusable) because he was abused for not being manly enough. he gave into the way he was told to act and was, ultimately, working for the upside down despite the way he died.

finally, in season 4, we’ve expanded the idea of the upside down and “normal” people working together unconsciously. our protagonists are once again targets of the upside down and the “normal” people. for example, jason intends to hunt down hellfire club members, but specifically eddie, and eddie ultimately dies to the upside down. there are far too many instances of this to name all of them, though. the exceptions this season seem to be chrissy and patrick, but before they die we see them bonding with and relating to our protagonists (lucas and eddie) and suffering from abuse.

something i find very interesting, however, is the removal of mike and will from this pattern in season 4. even though el isn’t in hawkins, she faces angela and henry. neither mike or will are directly harmed by “normal” people or the upside down this season.

in the case of will, he used to be bullied for two things: being queer and being poor. at the beginning of the season, we get caught up with the byers and we’re also informed of joyce’s new job. her job allows her to support herself and her three kids easily. money no longer seems to be an issue for them. so, now that will’s original staple with the party’s theme of being outcasts for things out of their control, we see him safe this season. that is until we learn he’s gay and in love with mike, though it isn’t explicitly stated, it’s canon. we get the painting scene, the scene with jonathan at spb, and then will’s plot is dropped. when we do see will’s new plotline pick up at the end of season 4, it’s because he’s in danger again, thanks to the upside down. he’s now back to that original theme of being bullied and outcasted for something he cannot control; being gay.

but what about mike? he’s been attacked by creatures from the upside down and he’s been a victim of bullying just like the other party members yet he had no established difference. if they wanted to signify that nothing has changed for mike then he would have still fallen into the same pattern as the other characters but he doesn’t. he’s been removed at the same time will has. on screen, nothing has changed for mike except that he’s embraced being a nerd again. if that’s why he were outcasted, he would have fallen into the same pattern as everyone else.

what changed for mike? he lost will. he didn’t lose el, they kept in touch, but he lost will. once mike and will left the byers house in the van they were succinctly removed from imminent threats. what makes this interesting is that it implies that being with will again removed mike from his outcasted status and places him into safety. will is safe until we, the audience, learn he’s gay. there is something for us to learn about mike.

there isn’t much new information we could learn about mike that’s been kept from us. it wouldn’t be him loving el, since he first said it in season 3. he isn’t poor, his race can’t change, he hasn’t been suddenly disabled, he can’t have powers, and he doesn’t have a tragic history of abuse (applies to max, billy, chrissy, patrick, and will). that doesn’t leave much. they’ve been dropping hints about mike’s queerness for a long time, but the answer is in season 1.

mike was bullied for being queer. just like how lucas was bullied for being black, dustin was bullied for being disabled, and will was bullied for being queer and poor. this is mostly common knowledge, but the first time troy and james directed their hateful comments about will towards mike, it established what truly makes mike different in the same way his friends are different. it’s the reason he was separated with will during season 4. mike is queer.

the duffers have laid this out beautifully. mike is going to be established as queer in season 5, he’s going to establish something with will, and then he will be in danger again. if i’m right about this, then this story for mike will perfectly play into the possibility of this occurring.

if mike isn’t queer, all of this formatting will crumble. if mike isn’t queer, the concept of being different giving someone the strength to fight evil will be incomplete. the story does not make sense if mike isn’t queer and in love with will.

[lis-likes-fics]

Free

Pairings: Carlisle Cullen x Reader Warnings: Abuse, multiple hospital visits, car accident. 6k words Author’s Note: Yeah, I really wanted to write an angsty Carlisle one-shot so I came up with this. Have fun and good luck.

~~~~~

Y/N winced as she sat down on the bench in front of her nightstand, her towel tied around her as she got out of the shower. She sighed sadly before getting ready for the banquet she would be attending with her husband tonight. She reached for her makeup back, unpacking it as she got ready to put it on her face. As she brought her hand to her face, she froze as she looked in the mirror, her eyes settled on her bruised arm.

She pursed her lips, taking a deep breath before starting on her makeup - makeup that all but caked her face to cover more bruises. She debated applying light makeup to cover some of the bruises on her arms before siding against it, she would be wearing a long-sleeved dress anyway.

After she got dressed, there was a knock on her door. She smiled softly, knowing who the knock was coming from as she called gently, "Come in, Ben."

Her six-year-old opened the door and walked inside, smiling at her. "You look pretty!" he complimented, coming over to hug her legs. It took everything she had not to wince from the slight pain there from the growing number of bruises. "Thank you," she told him, "Are you ready to go to Angela's?"

He nodded, "Mhm."

She smiled, bending down to kiss her forehead before running her hands through his hair. He laughed and complained about her messing up her hair. "Y/N!" her husband called, "Come on. We'll be late."

"Coming," she called back, her smile dropping before returning to her face in a sad look when she looked back at her son. "Come on," she told him, grabbing her purse and making sure she looked okay before leaving with her son and husband. After dropping Ben off with his babysitter, she and her husband headed for the town's banquet.

Ben was a result of the disuse of protection coming out of high school. She and her husband got married when they found out she was pregnant. At first, everything was fine. A little after Ben came, however, her husband became cruel. He was different than what he had been when they were high school sweethearts. But she stayed for Ben's sake.

He worked at the hospital in Forks as a nurse while Y/N worked at the store. Originally, she was also supposed to be working as a nurse but when they went to college, she had to stay behind to take care of Ben.

Six years later, she had a wonderful little boy and an abusive husband. Ben was the cherry on top of the whole shit-show she called life.

When they arrived at the banquet, she did a double check to make sure there was no evidence of home life out in the open for everyone to see. When she deemed herself okay, she stepped out of the car and they entered the venue together. Y/N clenched her purse, as if it was protection from some kind of harm.

At the party, her husband went off to talk with a few of his friends while she helped herself to a glass of champagne. At some point, he rejoined her (against her best hopes and wishes). When he caught sight of their local celebrity, Carlisle Cullen, he called him over. "Dr. Cullen," he announced.

He turned around, his golden hair styled perfectly and his golden eyes standing out to highlight his beauty. Y/N was momentarily breathless. A young man beside him turned as well, a polite smile on both their faces as they walked over. Carlisle held his hand out politely toward Y/N's husband, "Nurse Kenley, how are you?"

He nodded politely, "I'm doing well. I trust you are enjoying your night?"

Carlisle nodded and turned his gaze toward Y/N. Her husband placed his hands on her shoulders and she jumped slightly. Carlisle could hear her heart beating heavily in her chest suddenly as he touched her. She silently caught her breath and tried to cover up the quick moment with a smile. "This is my wife, Y/N," he introduced.

Y/N held her hand out, very slightly shaky as she still recovered from the sudden move from her husband, "It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Dr. Cullen."

He nodded, "You, as well. And, please, just call me Carlisle. How are you?"

She gave a very stiff nod as she replied, "I'm well." Her husband moved his hand to her hip and she almost winced, closing her eyes to steady herself. Carlisle was hesitant to continue, but his hesitation was so quick that no one noticed. "This is my son, Edward."

He shook each of their hands, not missing the way she pulled her sleeve down, "Nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Kenley."

"Please, just Y/N is fine," she said gently with a smile. She fully calmed again when her husband removed his hands from her. Edward looked off to the side, a hard look on his face as he seemed spaced out. Her attention was taken from him when Carlisle's name was called from another part of the room. He excused himself and they both turned to leave. After a short while, her husband was called to talk with some of his friends again.

She sighed and found somewhere to stand. She just wanted the night to end so she could go pick up her son and then get to bed. She grabbed a second glass of champagne, taking a sip from it in hopes that it would quicken the night.

As she was stood there, Carlisle had walked over with a smile. "May I join you?" he asked kindly. She gave him a smile and nodded, "Of course."

She took a step over to give him space to stand. She noticed his empty hands and asked, "You don't drink?"

He shook his head, "No, I'm not an alcohol person."

She shrugged, "Usually I'm not either. But tonight is an exception." They started walking, strolling slowly around the room as they talked.

He nodded in understanding, the kind smile still placed on his face as he talked with her. "I heard you had a child?"

She nodded, a genuine smile finally gracing her lips as she spoke, "Yes, I have a six year old. His name's Benny."

"Six?" he asked curiously.

"Yeah," she said, "I had him right after high school." She looked over at him, "He's wonderful. I hope you could meet him one day."

"I'd be happy to," Carlisle admitted truthfully, "He sounds wonderful."

She sighed and nodded, "He is." She raised her glass to take a sip from it before someone bumped into her, spilling her champagne over her face and chest while her bag fell to the floor. "Oh! I'm so sorry!" the person apologized.

"It's okay, it's okay," she assured, bending down with Carlisle to pick up the makeup, phone, and charger that fell out of her bag. She brought a hand up, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she worked. Carlisle looked up momentarily to see a faint marking on her arm that caught his attention. She hadn't noticed, standing up again when she had her things back in her bag.

Carlisle handed her a couple of napkins to wipe herself off with, and she took it gratefully as she wiped the champagne off of her. She grabbed a small content from her bag, flipping it open to reveal a mirror as she looked in it. She almost panicked when she saw the faint showings of some of the bruises on her face, quickly excusing herself to get to the restroom so she could fix herself up again.

Carlisle stood shocked, glancing between her and her husband. She got to the bathroom and started pulling out her makeup to fix herself up. She made quick work of herself before leaving the bathroom again. "Are you alright?" Carlisle asked when he saw her again.

She nodded vigorously, "Yeah, I'm okay." She walked past him, not wanting to strike up a conversation with him that might have involved her bruises. Edward rejoined Carlisle, his gaze hard as he looked after her.

When it was appropriate to leave, that's exactly what she and her husband had done. They left the banquet, the car ride was quiet as they drove to the babysitter's house to pick up Ben. Y/N was uneasy as she sat in the passenger's side, afraid to move the wrong way and get hit. She would probably get hit anyway.

"What's wrong with you?" her husband asked as he noticed her more-than-usual scared behavior. She almost cried as she choked the words out, "I think someone saw...my bruises."

His hands gripped the steering wheel harder and she winced, now terrified. "What?" he hissed.

"I think someone saw my bruises," she repeated, quieter.

"Who?"

She hesitated before answering, "Carlisle Cullen."

His grip only worsened as the leather squealed under his hold. He huffed and the rest of the car ride was dead silent. When they picked up Ben, she put him to bed (which was easy because he was already asleep). She hesitated at the door, afraid to get to the other side because she knew he'd be standing on the other side waiting for her. But she wouldn't hide behind her son. Her husband would only go through him.

She took in a deep breath and opened the door quietly, closing it behind her just as silently. She headed to her room with slow steps and saw him standing at the door, waiting for her. He raised his finger and moved it in a come hither motion. She pursed her lips to hold in her whimper as tears pooled in her eyes. She moved over, walking into the room.

He closed the door behind him, and she was immediately met with a slap to the face that had her falling to the floor.

~

The next day at work, she wore another long sleeved shirt and jeans, her face caked in makeup, as always. She rarely ever looked like herself.

At the hospital, her husband was making his rounds when Carlisle caught him in the halls. "Nurse Kenley," he called. He turned with a light sigh, "Yes, doctor?"

"Last night at the banquet there was a bruise on Y/N's arm, is she alright?" he asked, almost narrowing his eyes as he tested him. He nodded, "Oh, yes. She tripped and fell hard the other day and it bruised. She's really clumsy."

Clumsy? Alright.

Carlisle nodded, "Alright. I just wanted to be sure." He nodded before turning to continue working. Carlisle sighed and watched him leave before returning to his own work. Sometime during the day, he got a text on his phone from Alice.

'Can you pick up some hangers on your way back? I'm running low.'

He breathed a chuckle before replying with a simple "okay".

'Thanks! <3'

During his lunch break, he went by the store and picked up the hangers. As he went to check out, someone called for the next costumer and he walked over. He smiled when he saw Y/N looking over for the next person. "Hello again, Y/N," he greeted her kindly.

She gave soft smile, "Hey, Carlisle." He set the hangers on the conveyer belt and she commented, "Interesting list you got there."

He chuckled, "My daughter needed more hangers." She chuckled at the explanation as she scanned his items. He looked at her face, his smile faltering slightly when she saw her eye partially swollen and her makeup caked on with an extra layer.

She gave him his total and he paid it, giving her a generous tip and a smile. She thanked him politely and he left, uneasy about the state of her eye. He drove back to his home, the same thing on his mind the entire time. He grabbed the hangers and went into the house, heading up to Alice's room.

"Here," he said as he handed them over. She smiled at him, taking the hangers. "Thank you," she said. She opened one of her drawers and he made a face when he saw the drawer arranged neatly with different sets of cloth's hangers.

"You ran out?" he questioned with a raised brow. She shrugged innocently, "I never run out of hangers. Come on, Carlisle."

He rolled his eyes with a small smile. She set him up. Typical Alice. He returned to work right after before his lunch break ended, that same uneasy feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

~

It was a few months later when Y/N showed up at the hospital with Ben. He had been outside playing when he fell out of a tree. She was stressing as she walked into the lobby. She was at the front desk when Carlisle walked past and caught sight of her, hearing Ben's pained whimpers.

"What's wrong?" he asked. She turned her gaze to him as she explained, "He fell out of a tree, I think he broke something."

"Let's have a look," Carlisle spoke as he rounded the counter to get to them. "It's okay. I'm sure you're busy," she said.

"It's alright," he assured her, kneeling down next to Ben to check him out. "Where does it hurt?" He was supporting himself on his mother's arm as he held one foot up, "Right there."

Carlisle took a quick look at his leg before answering, "It's a broken ankle, but it's nothing too severe. He should be fine. Come with me." She let out a sigh of relief at his answer, calming ever-so-slightly but still ultimately tense. They followed him, taking Ben to deal with the ankle.

-

Y/N excused herself to go to the restroom. They were at the hospital still. Ben had been given a boot for his ankle, and he was sitting in the bed twiddling his thumbs. Carlisle came to check on him, offering a calm smile. "Hello, Ben? How are you?"

He shrugged as he continued to stare down at his hands. Carlisle frowned a little, kneeling next to the bed to talk to him. "What's wrong?" he asked.

Ben shrugged again, "I'm a little sad..." He sounded strangely because of his lost tooth, the gap where it used to be messing with his speech and giving him a slight lisp. "Why is that?" Carlisle questioned.

"I think my dad is mad at my mommy," he looked up at Carlisle then. Carlisle tilted his head, "Why do you think that?"

He sighed heavily, "Well...I was playing, and I climbeded the tree. I could see my mommy's room and I sawed her crying cuz my dad was yelling at her."

He frowned, "Is that how you fell out of the tree?" Ben nodded and turned back to his hands. "Does this happened often?" Carlisle questioned.

Ben nodded again and looked back at him, "Yeah. One time I heard him yelling because I sawed a hurt on her and asked it was there. Dad tried to say she fell and hurted herself, but I sawed him hit her... She cries a lot. I asked why she wears so much makeup on her face and she said it was cuz she had stuff on her face that she didn't want other people to see. Then I asked her where she got it, and she said that I didn't need to worry about it. Dad yells a lot, too. I think she's scared of him, and it makes me scared too."

Carlisle sighed heavily as he listened to the boy. "Don't be scared," he said, "Everything will be okay." He offered a smile to go with his kind words, and Ben gave his own. He started his check up a moment later and asked, "How about we talk about something else? Like...when's your birthday?"

He scratched his nose as he answered, "Today."

Carlisle looked up at him quickly, "Today's your birthday?"

He nodded, as if all was normal and well. Carlisle's head was on the verge of spinning as he took in more of this information. He shook his head, "Well, happy birthday, Ben."

He smiled, "Thank you."

Carlisle finished up his check up and spoke, "I'll be back in a little bit. Okay?"

He nodded. As Carlisle headed out, Ben called after, "Mr. Doctor Cullen?"

"Yes?" he turned around to look at him again.

"Does my dad hate my mommy?" he asked, looking up with his puppy-dog eyes that would have had Carlisle crying - if he had the ability to cry. He didn't want to potentially lie to the kid, but he didn't want to give it to him straight like Ben so blatantly did just then.

He sighed, "I'm sure he doesn't." Ben nodded, "Okay." Y/N returned from the restroom just then, offering a smile to her son. Ben nodded with a smile, waving to Carlisle. Carlisle nodded to each of them with a smile before walking off, deeply disturbed by the information that had just been handed to him on a silver platter by a seven year old with no filter.

He wanted to do something to help, but he didn't exactly know what it was he could do. It technically wasn't any of his business, but he couldn't help himself from trying to help.

They were out of the hospital later that day. It seemed like a ritual that she should get a beating when she returned.

~

When Carlisle saw her for a significant amount of time again, it had made him genuinely angry. She had shown up to the hospital with a broken arm under the guise that she'd fallen again and got more then a bruise (although she had new ones on her wrists).

One night he was driving home from work, passing by her house because of the way he took. He almost slammed on the breaks when he heard the harsh sound of a slap, followed by a thud. In that moment, he wanted so badly to stop the car and march inside to save her and Ben from her husband. But he took a deep breath and continued driving.

Now it was time to do something. He started making contacts to old friends he'd made, specifically lawyers to see the easiest way to start a case without raising alert yet. He didn't want to do it until everything was solid.

Soon he'd be able to save her and Ben from the asshole she called her husband. That was the moment he realized how much he truly cared for her.

~

Y/N was driving, her arm had only just healed, picking up her husband from the hospital before heading to Angela's to get Ben. She had been running errands that day, so she couldn't watch him and she needed the car. When she stopped by the hospital, she waited in the car for her husband. He got inside after quite a few minutes of waiting and she started toward Angela's.

The car ride was silent, as always. She was terrified of catching his attention and getting herself in trouble again. It really sucked. It was darker out as the sun set and the sky got ready for nighttime.

Headlights flashed as a few people drove along the streets. In this quiet town, there weren't too many people out at night. The roads were barely ever full. "Text Angela, and tell her we're almost there."

She glanced over at him, "I-I can't. I'm driving." He looked up at her then, the look he gave her evident that it wasn't up for debate. She sighed and got out her phone carefully, keeping her eyes on the road as much as possible.

She looked away for a moment to click on her number when a car showed up out of nowhere.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion from there. Y/N stomped on the brakes and they were both sent jerking forward. But she was too late as the two cars collided. She must have hit her head really hard because she only remembered flashes of things as they moved from scene to scene.

She saw the bright lights of the car coming toward her, then the glass suspended in midair during the slow-motioned crash. She remembered lying on the cold ground as more bright lights screeched to a stop around them. Then loud sirens, followed by her being carried away on a bed. Then more bright lights with people hovering over her in a flurry of urgency.

Then she faded out completely as she went unconscious.

~

Carlisle had come in the next day to check Y/N's vitals. She still hadn't woken up. He felt colossally terrible at the sight of her. They had cleaned her up a bit after the surgery only to reveal what she looked like under the makeup. They could tell the difference between the crash bruises and the old ones that had been there a while. It was devastating.

She was covered head to toe in them. She had a black eye, bruises all over her face from being slapped around. There were bruises all along her arms and chest, especially on her wrists (which had been covered by tons of bracelets because of how big the damage was). Her legs were peppered with marks and scratches as well. And all of that was without the crash injuries taken into account.

He sighed deeply as he examined the bruises and markings all over her, rubbing a special cream on them. It was the first time he'd seen her without makeup and he understood why she was usually caked in it. She began to stir, groaning lightly as she slowly woke up. She took in a deep breath as she opened her eyes. She looked over and saw someone standing next to her. Immediately, she panicked and shot up, ignoring every pain receptor that yelled at her not to move. She covered herself with her bruised and broken arms, cowering from the figure next to her. The heart monitor was beeping repeatedly as her heart beat skyrocketed.

"Wow, hey!" Carlisle exclaimed, "It's okay, it's alright. I'm not going to hurt you."

When she recognized him as a friendly face, she slowly allowed herself to calm as she caught her breath. He held his hands out in front of him to show he meant no harm, slowly setting them gently on her to help her lay back down. She groaned deeply as the pain hit her like a freight train. The heart monitor calmed once again as it returned to a normal heart rate.

"Can I sit up?" she asked gently.

"It's better if you lie down," he told her just as gently. She looked up at him, her eyes borderline pleading as she spoke, her voice cracking a little, "Please."

He cracked as he gave in, putting a couple pillows behind her back so she could sit up a bit more. She felt too vulnerable lying down. It was a habit to always be able to get to your feet while at her home. Lying down didn't help that.

"Be careful, you have a concussion," he warned, "And whiplash..." She looked up at him curiously as she asked, "What? What happened?"

Carlisle softened even more as he looked up at her again, his eyes sad as he watched her, "What do you remember?"

She took a deep breath in before blowing it out and admitting, "It being dark."

He nodded with a humorless chuckle and explained, "You and your husband were in a car accident. You have a broken arm and a shattered wrist." Which explained why her hand felt like it was on fire.

Then it hit her. She and her husband were in a car accident. She swallowed hard. "And...my husband?"

Carlisle sighed deeply as he looked down, "He didn't make it."

Time stopped for a split second after he'd said that. Tears were brimming in her eyes and she looked around the room to try and find something to focus on. "He's...he's dead?"

Carlisle nodded, "Yes."

She let out a deep breath, "He's gone..."

We're free! she thought. She laid her head back on the pillows, her tears spilling over her bruised cheeks and disappearing into the white sheets. She took a moment to just breathe, ignoring the blurring of her vision from the tears and focusing on how much easier it felt to just breathe in and out.

Carlisle swallowed hard, not quite catching her elation at her now dead husband (as horrible as it sounds). He asked her very quietly, as if trying not to startle her with sudden noise. "Did he abuse you?" He knew the answer, but he had to ask.

She was torn from her thoughts as she turned her attention to Carlisle, a deep frown settling in her features as the tears became heavier. She nodded slowly, "Yes." Her voice was broken at the memories that flooded her mind.

"I never knew why," she started, "We were high school sweethearts. When we graduated, we both intended to go to medical school. But I got pregnant with Ben right after and one of us had to stay behind to take care of him, so I did. He started changing. He was cruel and abusive and he started yelling, then cheating, then hitting. I took it all because I was afraid he would move on to Ben if I didn't, and I couldn't let anything happen to him, I would do anything for that boy. But now...now we're free."

She went to wipe away her tears but found that she couldn't. One of her arms was broken and the other had a fractured wrist. She was incapable of moving her arms. She cursed under her breath, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be spilling all of this to you."

He shook his head, "Don't apologize for telling me this. I need to know."

She took in a quivering breath before she realized something. "Oh my god, Ben. Where's Ben? Is he okay?" she asked quickly.

He calmed her quickly, setting a hand on her arm gently as to not hurt her. "He's perfectly fine. Angela Webber is here with him. She said she's his babysitter. She heard what happened and came to see if everything was okay."

She let out a breath of relief and nodded, "Yes, Angela's our babysitter." She smiled softly, "She always knows what to do..."

An uneasy feeling settled in her stomach as she realized something. How was she going to support herself and Ben? She didn't have that kind of money. Her husband usually took care of any money problems because he was the nurse.

She sat up more and Carlisle watched the panic take over her face again. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't have the means to support Ben and I. My husband took care of money, without him... How am I supposed to take care of Ben?"

Carlisle calmed her again, it seemed he got better and better at doing it each time, "Don't worry about money. I have you covered."

"What? No, I can't ask you to do that, Carlisle. It's-"

"Y/N, calm down. You're going to get the nurses running in here to make sure you aren't flatlining," he told her, "You don't have to ask. It's nothing for me. I'll take care of your bills for as long as you need me to. As you said, you're free."

Y/N swore she fell for him then. How could she not?

"I want to hug you so bad right now," she said, a little embarrassed by her state before becoming extremely embarrassed about her state when she realized she was completely free of the makeup that covered her bruises.

She mumbled, "God, I look disgusting..." He shook his head with a light chuckle, "Believe me or not, but you look beautiful, Y/N."

She blushed at his compliment before sighing, "Can I see Ben?" He nodded, "Of course. I'll send him in." He gave her a smile before leaving the room, returning with Ben and Angela with him. She smiled at them and Ben came running over, leaning over carefully to hug her. "Mommy!" he exclaimed happily.

"Hey, Benny!" she laughed, happy tears in her eyes, "Are you okay?" He nodded quickly and she kissed his cheek. She turned to Angela and gave her a smile as well, "Thank you so much, Angela. You really are the best."

She smiled as she fixed her glasses. At some point, Y/N managed to break the news to Ben. Surprisingly, he didn't seem all that affected to learn that he would never see his father again. "He made you sad and scared you. I don't care if we see him again," he explained.

He was such a sweet boy.

~

Through the next few months, Carlisle did exactly what he said he would do. He supported Y/N and Ben emotionally and financially as they adapted to life without their abuser. Y/N was able to stop wearing so much makeup all the time, free to wear whatever she wanted. She no longer had to hide her bruises.

After her injuries from the accident healed, she signed herself up for online medical school so that she could stay in Forks and finally get her college education so she could work in the medical field. She became an intern at the Forks Hospital under Carlisle himself.

She was much happier with her life now. She was able to do what she wanted, the things she'd been wanting to do for years. She was able to show more attention to Ben, do what she wanted to do for him that she couldn't do before. Her life had completely changed for the better and she was so happy about it.

-

She was walking through the hospital in her scrubs, headed for one of her patients. She gave a smile and stopped Carlisle in the hall to ask him a question. He gazed at her as she asked him the question, lost in how much brighter she looked compared to when he first met her. Her bruises had healed for the most part and her skin was clearer. She still had scars scattered here and there, but she looked like a whole new person and like herself all at the same time. He was so happy to see her getting better.

He answered her question when she finished talking, the smile plastered on his face. "I was wondering," he started with a partially shy smile.

"...Yes?" she asked with a chuckle.

"I was going to ask if you and Ben wanted to go to the fair this week? I think Benny would enjoy himself and, well, I would like to spend some time with you as well."

She smiled at his bashfulness, looking down as she blushed, "Um, yeah. Sure, I would like that."

"Excellent," he smiled, "I'll let you get back to work then." She chuckled lightly and returned to work, excited for her time to come with Carlisle.

They went to the fair that week like he proposed. Ben ran wild as he asked for cotton candy, to play the games there, to go on the giant Ferris Wheel. He was super excited, he'd never been to a fair before. So, naturally, she and Carlisle let him do whatever he wanted (within reason, of course). Everyone knew everyone in Forks, so it was no trouble for the people there to recognize him and give him a hand when he needed it.

He even managed to find Angela there and she hung out with him happily. Y/N and Carlisle walked around the fair in a leisurely stroll. They enjoyed simply being there, it was nice to have a nice night of calm fun. She swore, she never stopped smiling. Neither did he.

Closer to sunset, they went on the Ferris Wheel like all couples did. She leaned her head on his shoulder and sighed deeply as she enjoyed her company. She found herself saying, "Carlisle?"

"Yes?"  he looked over at her. She took a breath in, "Thank you. For everything. You've been a huge help in my life, and I'm glad to have met you."

"There's no need to thank you. I'm sorry I didn't help sooner," he told her. She laughed lightly, "You being there was enough. Thank you."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. She sat up to look at him, the smile on her face was soft. He examined her face, never tiring of seeing her for the way she was, instead of the way she needed everyone to see her. She was so beautiful in his eyes.

She gazed back at him, her eyes getting lost in those golden pools of honey. They stayed like that for while, so close they were breathing each other's air. As they reach the top of the wheel, the perfect landscape of pinks and oranges decorating the sky at sunset, they finally kissed. She gave into him completely in that moment, allowing herself to become fully enveloped in his excellence and comfort.

His hand brushed against her cheek, treating her like such a fragile creature. They smiled against each other's lips, so full of each other. When they finally pulled apart, they had to take a moment to full process what happened. When everything was processed, they smiled again. "You're perfect," he told her in a whisper.

She bit her bottom lip, "You're one to talk." She tangled her hand into his hair she kissed him again, loving every bit of it. She had fallen so hard for him.

~

A couple weeks later, she found out her boyfriend was a vampire. She wasn't as scared as he thought she would be. In fact, she hadn't been scared at all. She had fallen so hard for him, there was very little that could make her stray from him. Very, very little.

A couple months after that, Ben started referring to Carlisle as his father. It was one of the happiest days of Y/N and Carlisle's lives. He was happy to be accepted (though he had been accepted by Ben since day one). She was happy it was official.

A month after, Carlisle had told her that he loved her for the first time, and Y/N said it back. Quite frankly, no one was surprised and they definitely weren't when it happened. It just seemed so natural.

It definitely wasn't shocking to anyone when Carlisle proposed to her a couple months following that. They were married within the month and they had to give their sincere thanks to Rosalie and Alice who refused to step aside during the wedding preparations.

A handful of months past before Carlisle turned her. Most of the reason was because of the Volturi. The rest of the reason was because she refused to live another mortal day that could be her last with him. She wanted forever one way or another, and he loved her too much to deny her that.

Benny grew up and eventually decided that he would study psychology. So he did. He attended an expensive school that Carlisle paid for (against Ben's wishes because Carlisle wants the best for his family) and he got his degrees. Shortly after, however, he got into a bad accident that almost killed him. He was turned and officially joined the Cullens as a vampire.

Y/N got her happy ending and her forever family. She had been broken free from her bonds with her dead husband and started a new life with Carlisle. Everything was okay and their little world was at peace in their home. They were free.

~~~~~

Dr. Cullen taglist: @folkeverandalways​ and anyone else who wants to be tagged!

[bananonbinary]

Time for a Salty Meta Post about Martin!

people who’ve followed this blog for a bit know that spending six hours combing through text for some goddamn sources is my specialty, so i compiled every time jon ever talked about martin’s work in season 1. which for the record, he stopped complaining about all the way back in episode 26, where he was angry that martin of all people got hurt.

things jon gets mad at martin for:

not being able to find records that don’t exist

not being able to find someone based only on a first name

the Dog

not wearing trousers in his off-hours

being the one that got caught up in the jane prentiss thing

mag 004 and mag 012 both have jon taking potshots at martin over research that was proven accurate by outside sources

things jon has never once complained about:

martin not understanding the filing system and just putting stuff away at random

martin being clumsy, constantly ruining things, spilling tea everywhere everyday, etc

martin turning in incompetent, poorly-edited, or badly formatted reports

martin not understanding the terminology used, skills expected, etc., and generally being extremely new to the field

please for the love of god stop making martin the silly bumbling idiot who can’t do anything right just because he doesn’t have a formal education. there’s zero evidence for it in the text, and it’s really weird to act like a 4 year degree would outweigh the *10 years* of job experience he has, not just in academia, but in the institute itself by season one. my boy has worked there longer than ANY of the rest of the main cast. screw you guys.

tl;dr: martin is never once shown to be bad at his job, jon pretty much only ever gets mad at him for the really stupid first impression and also not finding stuff that no one else was able to find either. after martin got hurt, jon talks about his research basically the same way he talks about tim’s or sasha’s work.

fucking proof under the cut:

(i didnt include the s1 finale or martin’s statement bc that’s just...two entire episodes of them talking to each other, but there isn’t really any notable Martin Complaints in either of them imo)

I swear, if he’s brought another dog in here, I’m going to peel him.

[pre-launch trailer]

.

Well, technically three, but I don’t count Martin as he’s unlikely to contribute anything but delays.

[...] Alongside this Tim, Sasha and, yes, I suppose, Martin will be doing some supplementary investigation to see what details may be missing from what we have.

[MAG001 Anglerfish]

.

Martin couldn’t find any records of Ex Altiora as a title in existent catalogues of esoteric or similar literature, so I assigned Sasha to double-check. Still nothing.

[MAG004 Pageturner]

.

I had Martin conduct a follow-up interview with Mr. Woodward last week, but it was unenlightening. Apparently there have been no further bags at number 93 and in the intervening years he has largely discounted many of the stranger aspects of his experience. I wasn’t expecting much, as time generally makes people inclined to forget what they would rather not believe, but at least it got Martin out of the Institute for an afternoon, which is always a welcome relief.

[MAG005 Thrown Away]

.

Martin was unable to find the exact date the original house was built but the earliest records he could find list it as being bought by Walter Fielding in 1891.

[...]

We cannot prove any connection, but Martin unearthed a report on an Agnes Montague, who was found dead in her Sheffield flat on the evening of November 23rd 2006, the same day Mr. Lensik claims to have uprooted the tree.

[MAG008 Burned Out]

.

According to Martin, who was here when they took this statement, it was at this point in writing that Mr. Herbert announced he needed some sleep before continuing. He was shown to the break room where he went to sleep on the couch. He did not awaken; unfortunately succumbing to the lung cancer right there. Martin says the staff had been aware of how serious Mr. Herbert’s condition was, and had advised him to seek medical aid prior to giving his statement, but were told rather bluntly by the old man that he would not wait another second to state his case. I can’t decide whether this lends more or less credibility to his tale.

[MAG010 Vampire Killer]

.

“Veepalach” might also be a mishearing of the Polish word “wypalać”, according to Martin, which means to cauterize or brand. Admittedly, if Martin speaks Polish in the same way he “speaks Latin,” then he might be talking nonsense again, but I’ve looked it up and it appears to check out.

[MAG012 First Aid]

.

I sent Martin to look into this ‘Angela’ character - not that I want him to get chopped up, of course, but someone had to. Apparently, he spent three days looking into every woman named Angela in Bexley over the age of 50. He could not find anyone that matches the admittedly vague description given here, though he informs me that he had some very pleasant chats about jigsaws. Useless ass.

[MAG014 Piecemeal]

.

Martin declined to help with this investigation as he’s “a bit claustrophobic”

[MAG015 Lost John’s Cave]

.

There simply aren’t enough details given in this statement to actually investigate, short of Martin confirming that Mr. Vittery did indeed live at the addresses he provided.

[MAG016 Arachnophobia]

.

Oh, he’s off sick this week. Stomach problems, I think.

Blessed relief if you ask me.

[...]

I asked Martin to try and hunt down Mr. Adekoya himself for a follow-up, but have been informed that he passed away in 2006. 

[MAG017 The Boneturner’s Tale]

.

MARTIN

Well, I need to tell someone what happened, and you can vouch for the soundness of my mind, can’t you?

ARCHIVIST

…

That is beside the point.

[MAG022 Colony]

.

Martin! Good lord man, if you’re going to be staying in the Archives, at least have the decency to put some trousers on!

[MAG023 Schwartzwald]

.

Martin found one other thing while combing through police reports for the Hither Green area. About a month after this statement was given, on May 15th, 2015, police were called out to once again investigate the chapel.

[MAG025 Growing Dark]

.

I know, but it would have to have been Martin, wouldn’t it? I mean, anything goes wrong around here, it always seems to happen to him. Anyway, we’re getting off topic. Why didn’t you report this?

[MAG026 A Distortion]

.

Martin made contact with the son, Marcus McKenzie, but he declined to talk to us, saying that he’d “already made his statement.”

[MAG027 A Sturdy Lock]

.

Tim and Martin had a bit more luck investigating Tom Haan, though only really enough to confirm that he seems to have completely vanished following his departure from Aver Meats on the 12th of July.

[MAG030 Killing Floor]

.

Martin’s research would seem to indicate the place employed a reasonable number of international staff they preferred to keep off the books

[...]

TIM

Ah well, that’s actually what he was asking, huh! Um, apparently Martin, uh, took delivery of a couple of items last week addressed to you. Did he not mention it?

ARCHIVIST

No, he… Oh, yes, actually. I completely forgot. He said he put it in my desk drawer, hold on.

[MAG036 Taken Ill]