#also it was literally a 15 minute class after 2 hours of doing nothing. like I should not be getting detention for this but okay

[sentienttoast]

quick question I missed the last class of school the other day for totally based and real reasons but the teachers would not accept them as valid. I've just gotten an email saying that I now have detention. is it ethical to go on rip.ie and find a person that has a funeral at that time and say that I was there because they were my mum's dear friend. or nah

[gay-otlc]

Won't Fall In Love At The End- 2

I 100% did not abandon this story for two months, all accusations of me doing that are completely false.

Rana mostly forgets about Asher as she moves through the rest of the school day, the excitement of having a fake-partner lost as her focus shifts to derivatives and then Shakespeare and then the civil war. She barely thinks about them again until she passes them in the hallway on her way to the bus and they smile and wave at her. Once she finds her seat on the bus and puts on her headphones until the painful chatter of the students around her is mostly drowned out, she pulls out her phone and opens it to her group chat.

Me 2:12 PM

So... I have a date for homecoming!

The reply is immediate. Rana knows Eva has art club after school on Tuesdays, but she must not be paying much attention, because she responds faster than Rana can even type.

Eva S 💚 2:12 PM

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

HOLY SHIT

THAT'S AWESOME!!!!!!!

Aziza C 💙 2:13 PM

OMG

WHO IS HE

Eva S 💚 2:13 PM

Or she????

Me 2:14 PM

They, actually.

Do you guys know Asher?

Aziza C 💙 2:14 PM

Ofc i know asher!!!

All jews know each other lol

They're kinda hot ngl 👍

Rana exhales a small sigh of relief. She didn't know how much her friends' approval had mattered to her, but considering she'd only entered this fake dating mess because her friends were so invested in her love life, it made sense why she'd been anxious about what they thought.

Eva S 💚 2:15 PM

so proud of you <33333

our baby's all grown up 😭

Me 2:16 PM

I'm older than both of you.

Aziza C 💙 2:18 PM

How did it happen????

Eva S 💚 2:19 PM

omg yes tell us everything

Me 2:22 PM

We sit next to each other in study hall and we talk sometimes, and then today we started talking about homecoming, and they just... asked me out.

And I said yes.

:)

Aziza C 💙 2:23 PM

Love story for the ages

There. Nothing in her story was false. Sure, she left out the part where they agreed this entire relationship would be fake... but Rana doesn't want her friends to know this point. They're so excited that she's in a relationship. It would disappoint them if they knew it wasn't real. And Rana wants them to be proud of her. She doesn't want to go back to hearing them talk about how she should just get a partner already, because she was missing out on something so great.

She'll fake date Asher, and her friends will be happy, and then soon she'll know what it's like to date someone, but without the pressure of an actual relationship. This is the best possible outcome, she reminds herself; Aziza and Eva have stopped pressuring her, but she doesn't have to pretend to like someone she doesn't, at least not to their face.

But still, she doesn't like lying to her friends.

The bus arrives at her stops, which mercifully lets her stop texting her friends about her imaginary romance life, and she silently curses the weather for the entirety of her five minute walk to her house. It's October. Who gave it the right to be so warm in October?

She means to start her homework right after eating a snack, but mysteriously ends up falling down a wikipedia rabbit hole about lizards instead. In her defense, lizards are more interesting than physics. (At least, the rabbit hole starts with lizards. Specifically, bearded dragons. Eventually, the links lead her to reptiles, and then dinosaur evolution. All of those things are also more interesting than physics.)

The homework gets done eventually, although Rana spends the entire time wishing she could do literally anything else. At least once it's over, she can watch Netflix without the looming guilt of procrastination, and then she can sleep at a (semi) reasonable hour.

And then it's morning, and it's annoyingly dark as she walks from her house to the bus stop. And the bus is somehow even louder than usual, and it's crowded and all the people are packed tightly in this yellow vehicular hell, and when she finally does get to school she has a listening assignment in her first period Spanish class which she hates because she has to figure out what the people are saying without a transcript or subtitles or anything, which is hard enough in English let alone in a foreign language, so all in all, her day has been fairly shitty so far.

At lunch, the cafeteria is filled with noise, hundreds of students all talking over each other. The smell of overly greasy pizza is overpowering. Eva and Aziza don't have this lunch period anyway, so there's no need for Rana to be in this stupid cafeteria. She's on her way to the library when she notices Asher, pushing a door open. They wave at her, and she walks over.

"We're eating outside," they say. "Want to join?"

Outside. Outside is much better than the cafeteria. And it's probably better than going to the library, since if she goes outside she can actually eat. According to her therapist, it's "bad" to skip meals. Or whatever. "Okay," she says.

Asher smiles and holds the door for her as she walks through. It's still too warm for October, but Rana guesses she doesn't mind, since she wouldn't want to eat outside in the cold and she already decided eating outside was probably the healthiest option for her. The table outside has a few other people Rana knows. Abigail, Eva's long time crush. Daniel, who was Rana's lab partner in chemistry last year. Xavier, who Rana knows next to nothing about, but has been in school with since sixth grade. Everyone else looks familiar, but she can't assign them a name.

Asher finds a seat and gestures for Rana to sit next to them. "This is Rana," they say to the others at the table. "She's my fake girlfriend."

They told their friends it was fake, Rana notes. That's strange. It shouldn't be surprising, since most people are honest with their friends, but... she kind of expected Asher to be in the same "lying to your friends so they stop getting on your case about dating" situation as she is.

"You have terrible taste in fake partners," Xavier says, and Asher flips them off, and they all laugh.

By the end of lunch, Rana's day is considerably less shitty, and she's decided she likes Asher's friends. And Asher themself.

She's not totally sure why she doesn't like Asher in "that way," whatever that means. They're great. But actually dating them? She would really rather not.

Whatever. It's fine.

If she focuses more on calculus, she can stop thinking about the fact that her heart probably doesn't work like everyone else's.

[emeriethevalkyriegirl]

Chaol's Adventures in Babysitting

Summary: Chaol has to deal with young Caleena and Dorian.

A/N: I'm gonna make this absolutely clear. Whatever happened during the first 2 books of Throne of Glass never happened. No love triangle between are 3 favorite protagonists. Chaol is 25 and Caleena is 1 year older than Dorian (6 and 7). Everything else will be explained in the story. Enjoy!

Chaol was pissed.

No, pissed was an understatement. He was furious. Of all the things for Caleena and Dorian to do, they decide to do THIS!?

Lemme take you back to 2 hours ago. Chaol, the general of the Royal Guard, had intrusted his best lieutenant, Kale, to watched the crown prince and his friend. Normally, it was his, or the Head Maid's job to watch the children, but the Head Maid was on mandatory bed rest after twisting her ankle on a step stool and Chaol's schedule was packed with nothing but daily routines. So, as a last minute change, he put Kale in charge of the children.

He still remembered the look on Caleena and Dorian's faces. They were not pleased.

Especially not Caleena. When the King and Queen found her on the streets just a year ago, she was small and frail, shaking like a leave. When the Queen asked her her name, she began to cry. The Queen quickly scooped the little frighten girl in her arms and from that moment on, she was part of the Hallivard family.

She didn't like the adjustment at first, but once she met Dorian, she was a wild child. She and Dorian got into all kinds of trouble. Tearing up all the pages in their history books from their homeschool classes. Slouching in their chairs at the dinner table. Stealing candy from the candy store, causing them to stay up all night and jump on the bed constantly.

It wasn't until their last mishap, (running around the castle naked because neither of them wanted to take a bath), that the King and Queen needed a disciplinary matter for the two of them. So, they sent in their most trusted General.

Chaol Westfall.

He served the crown for over 10 years, having started at 15 years old. He knew the ins and outs of being a guard. He knew how to fight. He knew how to carry a body. He knew how to take down 3 armed burglars while blindfolded. He was pretty sure that watching two kids wasn't gonna be much of a problem.

Oh, how wrong he was. Watching Dorian was a piece of cake. He was kind, helpful, and loyal to his people. It was Caleena he was worried about. The poor man almost broke his arm from nearly being jumped on by that girl. Literally. The King and Queen had informed him that Caleena had a rough life and was still coping over the fact that she never had to go back there. Even though, they knew that she was only acting this way because of her life style, they knew that she had to learn how to live in this new life. Whether be the easy or the hard way.

Chaol never like using physical discipline on kids, but if his mother had never done it to him, he'd still be half drunk at the bar at 7 in the morning. So, that's what he did. When Caleena refused to have her bath, Chaol merely took her back to her chambers and gave her his belt. He knew he was strong and that his belt was even stronger, so he made extra sure to only slash her on her bum and that she would have any special cream so that it could heal.

Caleena was completely surprised that day. She didn't cry, much to Chaol's surprise, but she did let a whimper slip. The blond girl fell silent with the General was finished, though she was ready for another round. She wasn't afraid to be beaten, but something about Chaol's was different. More...gentle.

Still, she didn't wanna have another round with him that night, so she apologized to the maid that was tasked to bathe her and took her bath. She didn't speak to Chaol the day after, too afraid to do the slightest thing wrong. It wasn't until he explained to her that, it was necessary, while also adding that if it was too much, he would only result to less physical punishments instead.

From that point on, both Caleena and Dorian behaved. Still, they have a few more rounds with the belt, but it wasn't as often as before. Caleena was still the wild child of the Hallivards and Dorian was still very kind and sweet, but Chaol still loved them anyway, even if they drove him, the staff, and the King and Queen crazy.

However, in this case, a belt would be beneficial for those little brats.

It's his own fault really. He should've known that those two were gonna break Kale. They broke him a few times (not that he'll ever admit that).

Before he'd left to go to his tasks, he strictly told both the kids and Kale that they were not to leave their room. Normally, they were free to roam around the castle, but today, an attack had issued in their hometown and the whole city has been on edge. The King and Queen didn't wanna risk the safety of Dorian and Caleena, so Chaol had to watch them today. Or at least that's what he would be doing if the other guards hadn't need his assistance.

Kale nodded and gave his a salute before he looked at the kids, their displeased expressions still reading the room. He didn't have time for this. With one last glance at the 6 and 7 year old, Chaol turned his heal and left.

Throughout the day, Chaol was called to many other places in the city to tend to people and their families. The day went by in a flash, but once the moon was high in the sky, the real hell broke loose.

All it took was one glance. One glance at his lieutenant that he found in the dark alley, looking around like he was searching for something very important. Chaol had a very distinct feeling that he already knew what this was about. By the time the General caught up with him, Kale was shaking with fear, barely able to explain to him that he only lost Dorian and Caleena for a second. Chaol facepalmed, saving his anger for when he found them.

He didn't have to look far though, when he saw two tiny hooded figures just a block away from them. He couldn't see their faces, but he heard the girl's giggles.

Reassuring that Kale wasn't going to loose his job, Chaol made his way over to the kids and took off their hoods. Neither Dorian nor Caleena looked guilty for sneaking out of the castle, their smiles lighting up the night of the city. It almost made Chaol want to spare them from his rath.

Almost.

Their smiles dropped, noticing that their favorite guard was fuming, his glare practically crushing any hope of them making it back home without sore bum. "You two have 5 seconds to explain to me why I shouldn't whip you this very moment." Chaol growled, Dorian and Caleena literally shaking under their cloaks. "Um...we..uh-"

"W-We j-just-"

"I'm running out of patience, here." Chaol said, as a matter of fact. When neither of them chose to explain, Chaol began to unbuckle his belt. The kids backed a step, knowing what was coming next. "W-Wait, please!"

"Should've thought about that before-"

"General!" Chaol stopped short, hearing a familiar voice. Lance, his corporal. "Sorry to disrupt you...schedule, but we've captured a suspect of the attack." Shit.

With a groan, Chaol tightened his belt and turned his attention to Lance. "I'll be there shortly." Once the corporal left, his eyes fell on the kids again. He knew they deserved this, but he also knew that it was late and he was in desperate need of a drink. He'll worry about them later.

Chaol called out to Kale, ordering him to send the kids back to the room. He knew they'll obey this time. Cause they also knew what will happen if they didn't.

-------------------

Once the General had finished everything on his list, he was free for the night. Around this time, the kids should be in bed, but he'd been around Dorian and Caleena enough to know that that wasn't the case.

When the King and Queen spoke of their son and their adopted daughter, the General told them about the events that happened during the afternoon, not mentioning their little adventure at all. He didn't know why he didn't say anything. Guess his stupid heart had a soft spot for them.

Now out of his uniform, Chaol made his way to the door, finding Kale standing outside the room. The lieutenant recognized his General right away. "Any trouble?"

"Nah. They were as quiet as mice." Good. Chaol dismissed Kale, ending his shift an hour early as he watched the man make his way downstairs, probably heading toward the bar where the other off duty guards were.

Chaol knocked on the door. "Caleena, Dorian?" he asked with a surprisingly amount of calmness. He heard a few shuffle sounds from the room and some muffled voices, telling him that the kids were still wide awake.

Opening the door, Chaol stroud in, finding Dorian and Caleena both 'asleep'. Chaol was not fooled. Closing the door behind him, the General made his way to the bed and folded his arms. He wasn't angry anymore. No, his anger was wasted on the suspect his guards found earlier. Now, he was just disappointed. "I know you're awake." he said. No movement. Not even a stir.

He knew what to do. "Alright. I'll let your parents know that you snuck out today."

"NO!" Dorian was up in an instant, Caleena opening her eyes in shock. Both kids were now even more frighten than they were before. Chaol bit back a smirk. "I didn't think so." The kids blushed, embarrassed that they fell for his trap.

Chaol sighed, not wanting to leave the kids on a bad note tonight. "I'm not mad." The kids, caught off guard by Chaol's comment, gave the tired General their full attention. "You're not?"

"Well, not anymore." Chaol continued. "But I am very disappointed in you both." The kids looked away, their guilt finally showing on their faces. "When I tell you to do something, you do it. No matter what. Understand?" Chaol didn't yell no shout, but his voice was filled with authority. Something he only used on his guards.

When the kids nodded, he sighed and shook his head. "You scared me tonight you know that?" he randomly pointed out, taking a seat on the bed. Caleena chuckled, the General raising his brow at the blond. "Sorry." she replied. "But, you're not scared of anything."

"Yeah. You're like, the King of Guards. Nothing scares you." Dorian added. Now, it was Chaol's turn to chuckle. He loved how naive these two were. He always resented them for it, having lost that side of him when his parents died. "Yeah well, I was today."

Chaol felt Dorian crawl over to him, resting his head on his lap. The General's heart warmed at the touch. "Something could've happened to any of you. I thought I-" Chaol stopped short, not wanting to finish that thought.

The kids looked at him, wondering why he stopped mid-sentence. When Chaol refused to speak, Caleena made her way to his other side, wrapping her arms around him. "I'm sorry, Chaol. Don't cry." Chaol was about to ask her why she thought he was crying until a drop of water fell on his jeans.

Damn

He must've brought up some bad memories.

Wiping his eyes, Chaol gave the 7 year old a sweet smile and ruffled her hair. "Hey, you're not going sappy on me now, are ya LeeLee?" Chaol teased as Caleena pouted at the nickname. Dorian giggled, knowing that the nickname annoyed her. Caleena stuck her tongue out, making Dorian do the same. "Hey, knock it off you two." Chaol said, dancing his fingers all over the kids' bellies.

Very rarely did Chaol act like this. When his parents had died, he felt nothing. Just went completely numb for years. By the time he was 15, he was issued into the Royal Guard. Years of discipline straighten him out, but his heart was still as cold as ice. When he met the kids, he didn't know it yet, but his heart was melting little by little each day he had to watch them. And during one of those days when they played, they practically begged him to join them (after threatening to run away of course). The General agreed, making the mischievous children promise to keep their mouths shut. Now, every chance he got, the General would play with the kids, forming an ever lasting bond with the two of them.

Their joyous laughter filled his heart with warmth and light. He smirked, watching them try and fail desperately to swat his giant hands away. "Stop it!" Caleena laughed, as Chaol leaned back, his entire body (save for his legs) now on the large bed. The royal children's laughter continued, crawling their way back to him. "Chaol, get up!"

"Too tired. You have to carry me." Chaol joke, laying limp on the mattress. "But you're too fat!" Dorian teased, as the General quickly grabbed both children and rolled onto his stomach, trapping the giggling gremlins under him. "I'll show you fat." That was the only warning the children received before Chaol resumed his tickle attack.

Chaol was right in the middle of giving Caleena a raspberry when he heard someone clearing their throat from the door. Chaol stopped immediately, recognizing the voice, the children still having their last fit of giggles.

A woman lean against the door frame wearing a maid uniform with the royal crest. Yrene Towers. She looked at Chaol with a smug expression, her arms crossed over her chest. "Am I interrupting something?" she chimed, as she watched her boyfriend hopped off the bed so fast, she almost mistaken him for a rabbit. By the time he turned to face her, he was already blushing. "N-No, not at all."

"You sure? You looked like you were in the middle of a tickle fight." Yrene replied, walking further into the room. Chaol didn't know what embarrassed him more. The fact that someone caught him playing with the kids, or the fact that the person who caught him was none other then his girlfriend.

Chaol opened his mouth to speak, but Dorian beat him to it. "He was gonna torture us. And make us do homework."

"And eat veggies!" Caleena added. Chaol turned to grab for the little gremlins, but they moved out of the way of his reach. Yrene gave out a dramatic gasp, placing her hand over her heart. "Oh no, not the veggies. General Chaol, have thou no soul?" Laughter filled the room once more, as Yrene wrapped her arms around Chaol's neck. With a smirk, he wrapped his arms around her waist as she spoke. "I didn't see you in the main hall."

"I was occupied~"

"I can see that~" Yrene replied, her lips just grasping Chaol's before the General felt something soft collide at the back of his head. The General and the maid heard a chorus of giggles before they noticed Dorian and Caleena looking off to the side while trying (and failing) to hide a pillow behind their backs.

"Could you excuse me for a moment?" Chaol didn't wait for a response before he hoisted the kids in the air, catching them when gravity took over. "If you two don't go to bed," Chaol tried to sound serious, but his smile did not falter.

Placing the kids back on the bed, Chaol watched as they tucked themselves in. "Go to sleep. You have homeschool tomorrow."

"Awww." the kids whined as Chaol heard Yrene laugh. Giving the kids one last goodbye, Chaol and Yrene wished them sweet dreams and exited the room, the new guard already at his post for the night. "You know you love them." Yrene smirked, kissing her boyfriend's cheek. She was right. He did.

[scentofpines]

long ass text

yesterday was one of those days where i felt like the whole world really did conspire against me. when i was at the train station i heard someone call my name and it turned out to be the girl from the welcome event last week that i got along with really well but hadnt seen since and guess why?? she switched programs. to ECONOMICS :| and we were on the train together for 30 minutes and usually that wouldve killed me to do with someone i dont know well but we were really vibing and this makes me so fucking mad, i was really looking forward to having courses with her :(

then i had a seminar (the one abt women and gender history) and it sucked. the lecturer seemed nice (albeit in a bit of a manic way) but the thing is a) half of the seminar will be reading this AWFUL book about basically the history of gender history/philosophy which i tried to force myself to read a few weeks ago and gave up after 40 pages bc i didnt get ANYTHING. and she said repeatedly how well written and understandable that book is :))) and b) even though i asked her via mail before i signed up for the course what the exam will look like and she said its a written one now she came out and said we will have to do a book presentation. and, like a normal presentation would be bad enough but doable but a book presentation?? presenting a modern scientific book about a topic instead of just presenting the topic itself seems so fucking useless to me????? i think i will drop out of this course and do a lecture abt prehistoric drugs instead bc i genuinely dont have the energy for weirdly structured stupid classes anymore.

today we were SUPPOSED to have a lecture about greek archaeology and the dude who was supposed to do it just didnt fucking show up???? we waited for 50 minutes and then just left lmao. i just looooveeed taking a stinky, 3 hour long (there and back again) train ride for nothing.

but at least i got to know two girls i guess. i already chatted with one of them on whatsapp and we talked about ukrainian/russian folk music which she also likes lol and i complimented her name, which is kinda arrogant bc i have the same one lmao just spelled differently bc hers is transcribed from ukrainian. and then she complimented mine back lol. so she seemed pretty nice and the other girl too, buttttt they are...idk extremely girly girlypop perfectly styled girls and i always feel soooo weird and out of place with women like that.

oh god and at one point they both said that they were "for real on the spectrum". bro. BRO. i have literally NEVER seen more well adjusted women who had ZERO issue conversing in this full loud ass room for 50 mins straight, who also had customer service jobs that they can do with basically no issue and that were completely chill just randomly chatting with ppl they dont know well. YOU ARE NOT FUCKING AUTISTIC. YES I TAKE THIS LABEL AWAY FROM YOU. ITS NOT YOURS. MY LEFT ASS CHEEK IS MORE AUTISTIC THAN BOTH OF YOU COMBINED but i still dont go around telling ppl im on this fucking "sPeCtRuM". this term has become so meaningless. i cant imagine how absolutely awful actually autistic ppl have to feel with everyone nowadays basically appropriating their (often) life ruining disorder if i already feel like shit. i know ppl dont mean it like that but it feels so mocking.

and tomorrow i have to get up at 6:30am and drive there again and i will probably get my presentation topic for this other course. but at least i will be back home at 1pm and then i wont have to go to uni for friday and the weekend. its only week 2 and i already feel so awful. oh and btw i fucking miss my fav professor so much it hurts, i know men are evil blabla but i have insane father hunger sometimes (i think thats what its called) and my god. would i do anthing for him to be my father. and then i see my actual father and i just want to throw up and kill either him or myself. genuinely my prof has shown me more loving consideration than my father in the last 15+ years. ok now you know the depths of my pathetic soul if you read this far congrattssss and goodnight

[farrahver]

im bored so daily routine . its kind of sad because i dont do a lot of extracurriculars at school & i dont have a lot of friends that im at hanging out status with yet . i think im more suited 2 the office life . the moment i finish school i kinda just wanna work a 9-5 until the end of my gay little life

6:00 - i wake up at 6 every day but i really dont start getting out of bed until abt 6:20 .. i usually just check my social media and lay in bed until i feel ready enough 2 start doing nothing . lowk i think i might be depressed sometimes

6:20 - i used to do the cleansing and moisturizing and all that but i got a new foundation and i realized all the prereqs just make ur skin look sweaty and makes ur base melt off after a few hours lol . its okay 4 shorter events but when im at school 6 1/2 hours a day it just comes off as uncanny & by nighttime only a bit is still even left on my face . ive been doing eyeliner & mascara every day since the eighth (?) grade so doing it every morning is like second nature 2 me . my mascaras a bitch though so i literally have 2 pull at my eyelashes 2 get it all off sometimes . unfortunately what that means is i dont really have all my eyelashes so i kinda have 2 work them now 2 get them 2 look right . ive been thinking of getting lash extensions 2 solve it but apparently theyre itchy and i think id pull them off . can u imagine how good life would be if i tattooed my eyeliner & got lash extensions though . maybe i could even get plastic surgery one day ... a girl can dream .....

7:00 - i usually finish up w my makeup by 7 & i spend the rest of my time in the morning drinking coffee w my mom and doing homework i procrastinated doing the night b4 . or i retreat 2 my room and listen 2 britney spears lol

8:00 - my sisters school starts at 8 & mine 8:15 . their school is super lenient on tardies though since theyre still in middle / elementary & we live abt a 3 minute drive away so we usually leave the house at abt 7:58 lol . my school is also like 3 minutes away from my sisters school so i have abt five minutes 2 just wait around outside my classes . a lot of people talk 2 their friends during this but its kind of hard 4 me 2 get along w the people at my school without either heavily moderating myself or coming off as autistic and weird

8:15-2:45 - my school is kinda like those stereotypical american highschools u see in all those trashy movies . its private but our school is notorious 4 extremely short skirts and an unusually active dating scene . i think every girl i know has a boyfriend ? or at least is talking 2 one . i wanna make a post abt this later but i cant help but feel lonely since one of my schools defining features is being straight

i tried public 4 a week & i met so many other gay / trans people but my body is so inefficient i couldnt really handle the schedule . my school runs on an AB schedule which basically means ur classes r spread out between two days . we have like an hour every day just 2 sit around and do nothing . if public schedules ran like private i would fully make the switch so fast and im not even kidding . the only downside is our classes r an hour & ten minutes instead of the usual 45 . but honestly the extra 20 or so minutes doesnt mean anything & u dont really notice after a bit lol

i cant play sports so im kind of stuck between being a theater kid or not really doing anything after school . i usually just hang out w my friends and then go home at abt 4 or 4:30 . im thinking of getting a job in the second semester though . i honestly dont mind just going home and not having a lot of responsibilities though because all i have 2 do is my homework & shower and then i kind of just go online & talk 2 my family 4 the rest of the day . im lowkey more involved with my own personal life than any normal person should be & im considering going 2 the doctor with how tired i get after not really doing much . all i really care abt is how i look which is hard when i look in the mirror and all i think abt is how ugly and gross i am . im only a teenager but i think a lot abt how i would benefit from at least some form of plastic surgery lol . i wish i was straight and pretty so i could get a boyfriend 2 take up all my time

[mikatsuobushi]

i just need to let this out because it has been eating me up and i don't know what to do anymore.

i am so tired of everything especially university. it's not that i don't want to go to school anymore, i am literally enslaved by academia. it's just i am fearing failure more than the usual amount and i am overthinking my impending failure too much to the point that i only dread that moment instead of preventing it. i'm currently in my junior year and good lord, i kid you not, i feel like every day is as tiring as it was yesterday and will be tomorrow. i love my degree, i really do, but i don't think passion and love for it will still save me when i couldn't even save myself or even force myself to do the bare minimum (i.e. show up on class). i live 1-2 hours away from my school and commute everyday. last year, it was fine. a few tears were shed regularly but i enjoyed it. however, it's barely 2 months of junior year yet i feel like i'm better off dead. i still wake up to my alarms but i just turn them all off and just decide that i'm not going to school today. i have this huge savior complex and would immediately do the most in every group works but now i really have to push myself to do something. don't get me started on individual tasks. i always have a problem with accomplishing them because i'm a procrastinator who's also a people pleaser. the hierarchy will always go: 1) groupworks, 2) org tasks, 3) maybe fandom stuff, 4) individual tasks. i will always choose myself last T-T! but it has been sooo hard to do them lately. in our cell and molecular bio, we have these essay homeworks every week and i always nail them except that i pass them late. my scores have been 14/15 just because i'm passing them exactly 5:00pm or just minutes after it. if i'm in the right mind, i could've forced myself to pass early but no! i just literally do it 1-2 hours before the deadline and it seems like the adrenaline and pressure due to the deadline are my only driving forces to accomplish things. i do really feel like i'm one of the cells in our body that requires chemical triggers just to respond—i just need a trigger just to respond. also, i am sooo bad at studying and reviewing. i may have undiagnosed adhd so it makes it a torture to study but i do not review unless it's a night or hours before an exam and there are a lot of times where i fail to cover all the topics. it's still even a miracle that i somehow get decent scores despite not studying well and not showing up in class sometimes. people have been telling me that i'm the embodiment of someone who's really smart, someone who can do well despite giving bare minimum. in my local language, we have a term on hardworking, diligent people (tutom) and just smart people (alam). if you are tutom, obviously you can easily be alam. hardwork do really pays off in academics, you know! but if you're just smart but lacks that grit, diligence, and isn't hardworking, there's a huge chance that you will fall behind. the "i was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere" moment. personally, i believe that it's better if you are tutom than just being plainly smart. but you will definitely be unstoppable if you are tutom and alam—oh, and is also financially and mentally stable.

so why do i feel like shit this junior year? BIOPHYSICS. fucking biophysics. i don't even know why i took STEM when i am soooo bad at math. i'm a 🌱🪴🌺🌊🌌🐋🐍🦠🧫🔬 STEM girlie, not ⚗️🧪🧮➗👨‍💻🗜️🧭⚛️ STEM. i took biology just because i love research and plants and animals. that's kinda too stupid of me. but man, biophysics has been nothing but a pain to my ass lately. it's a torture to take 10 units of this one, too (i have 5 units this sem, then another 5 next fml). subjects that really deals with numbers are my weakness. i also do not have the attention span and patience to really try and understand it, i just give up when i know i'm bad at it—i know it's a self and skill issue BUT HEAR ME OUT. our biophysics professor is the worst. any subject will be easy if it's just taught by the right people in a right way that would make students understand it. but our prof? he doesn't even bother to really teach it. he thinks he's teaching us but i cannot even call his lectures as teachings. you cannot just finish 2 chapters of University Physics by Young and Freedman within 3 hours. oh maybe you can if you just scroll through the book so fast and expect your students to already know it because it has been taught in high school as if high school isn't years ago and as if we are math majors not biology ones who deal with life rather than numbers and equations and also as if we are sooo privileged and well-off students sir we are literally studying in a state university what makes you think that all of us are financially stable here, you annoying insensitive prick?! he also have this nasty personality where he thinks he's the only right person and he always has to have the last word. it's nice that he asks about our opinions but good lord idk if he's deaf or just an asshole because when we speak about our thoughts, he just straight away invalidate or try to twist it in his own perspective. you can't even say that "sir, it's hard for us to keep up on your class because we also have different subjects to focus on and our labs have been taking our time" without him taking it negatively. it's not us saying "you are not our priority" you're literally a major course in our program so we have to focus on you. it's just we are asking for you to meet us in between but since you are so high, you won't be bothered to put yourself in our shoes. this is not asking to be spoonfed but to be taught properly, you twat! also, my groupmates in biophysics are also the worst. our leader doesn't know how to lead and handle the group. while other groups do group discussions, ours just let each of us fend on their own as if this class isn't already hard enough to deal with. i try what i could to help the group, to suggest and even take the initiative, but these people are so caught up with themselves they don't even bother to open the GDocs i send! so much for teamwork and camaraderie, i wanna pull my teeth off and jump from the 2nd floor pls calculate the acceleration of my body and the force it requires for me to break my bones. horray to free-falling bodies!

i don't even know where this rant is going. i should be studying now because our midterms is next week and i honestly don't know how to bullshit biophysics to even score a point. it's also so hopeless and annoying how much i reduced myself into my GWA. my fear of failure continues to worsen and i am actually considering k-wording myself if ended up failing (like getting 2.75 and lower) in biophysics. see,our school has a policy that once you have a 2.75 or lower grade, you won't be eligible for latin honors. as somebody who's been a slave for academic validation, that is an absolute nightmare especially when i am currently running for cum laude, with a chance of even getting magna cum laude if i just bothered to really work for it. this is so depressing to admit but i do not know what to do if i fail. i know i have other assets and qualities but people (i.e. family) around me expect me already to succeed so much in academics and me failing will just disappoint them so much that it would drive me insane. i wish i didn't turn out to be this person who reduced her worth into her GWA. i know i am not my grades and my achievements but who can blame me when i spent my whole life excelling to the point that it became normal to everyone? that when somebody says my name, it's always together with "smart"? publicly, i have made my name using my achievements. so if i couldn't even get the "biggest" one during my educational journey (i.e. latin honors), then who am i then? i am so tired on pleasing people and more tired on pleasing myself (this one is the hardest because i have never been pleased with me). i just want to idk rest, die?, just vanish for a little while then come back when i feel like i'm fine? i don't know. i honestly don't fucking know. but for now, i just have to push myself to do what i have to do no matter how unmotivated and helpless i feel. i have no choice anyways. horray to the ones who became slaves of their achievements to the point where they cannot live without them! this fucking sucks so much i badly need a drink so i could just cry freely.

anyways, i'm turning 21 on the 20th!! and i do not look forward to it!!

p.s. the academically gifted kid who's now a burnout adult trope is the worst. i do not recommend it!!

[bigearsbunbun]

2nd day in 10th grade 08/30/23

I slept a little early than usual since I literally got 4 hours of sleep yesterday so I slept at 1AM....When I woke up I was still tired as hell since I accidentally forgot to turn off my 7:10AM alarm.....god worse mistake I ever made dude I was so tired and I tried to stay awake this time since I didnt want to be waken up by my 8AM alarm because I was just sick of hearing the alarm 2times so I immediately go on with my day starting with.........tiktok of course nothing surpising abt that...ALSO the new curtains that I tried on my windows literally made the room so much lighter since its white and it lets the light of the sun through the thin fabric...

Anyway at 11AM I started getting ready for school and ended up getting to school at 12:22PM like I was getting indecisive about what to wear and had to rush in and out of my room to get the accessories that I forgot to put onT.T...

when I got to the school it was PACKED sigh and when I got to our classroom it didnt start yet to I was relieved, to pass the time I read some one piece so I couldnt get bored waiting for the teacher:DD...

After like 15 mins the teacher finally arrived and started discussing about the policies of the school and the do's and don'ts..... literally had to sit and listen to that for 2 FHOURS my butt hurts from sitting broTT like pleaaaaaaase RELEASE ME..

when it was snack break I saw some of my friends outside waiting for us, we started to visit our other classmates but some of them were still in class and their teachers havent dismissed them for snack break yet...also I couldnt give eshy the snacks I bought yesterday as a pay back because she was still in class and I felt shy to go in so I just joined some of my friends walking around the building as we ate our snacks:DD

then snack break is over I sat on my seat......the teacher didnt really made us do that much and we already did all the stuff for today so we just had to wait for her to dismiss us....it was boring....like really boring....I ran out of chapters to read since I forgot to download more so I felt even more bored...so then I started sketching....there werent really any stuff in the classroom that was interesting it didnt really have that much stuff so I started sketching my bracelet and some characters online and that lasted for 10 minutes.....after a few more minutes for waiting they finally dismissed us....oh no I just realized tomorrow is our turn to clean the classroom....kinda lucky though since tomorrow I'll wear PE its so comfyyy..

When I got out of the classroom I saw my friend lets call her den!! I'm lucky to have her as a friend shes so sweet... we chatted as we wait for eshy to get dismissed from class so we were just downstairs....I showed my new sketches and she liked them!! I really want to improve more and Im proud to say that I have been sketching for a few days straight which is pretty rare for me so it feels nice to finally feel motivated about practicing my art skills:DD

when we were finally complete we chatted for a while with some other friends:DD one of them got voted as a president and won shes pretty smart and kind so I think she'd do great as a class president...but the bad part is.... the vice president is our creepy past classmate....he's literally the worst person on earth in my opinion... he literally touches people for no reason and its hella sexual too!>:[ ugh and also that guy cheats in quizzes....pretty happy that he's not my classmate this school year..

It was finally time to go home and we all parted way at the gate...I took a ride home because I couldnt really walk anymore since I picked the worst shoes to use today...it was my moms shoes and its smallT.T (I'm bigger than my mom)

Aaaand I got home:D my poor feetT.T I will never ever wear those shoes ever againD:...

I took this photo on the way home!! the sun was still up since it was 4:30PM I took a pic of some of these flowers:DD (eshy likes these flowers)

anyway thanks for reading this far!! have a great day byeeee!!(*/ω＼*)

[thevirgodoll]

hi! i was wondering if you have any tips to stay organized and stay on task? i’ve been doing a short online course this year and have really struggled to ACTUALLY bring myself to do the work, as assignments and lessons are not under any time constraints i just don’t do it. i also have adhd so get bored or distracted easily. do you have any tips for me?

This is really close to me because I also have ADHD. I have both inattentive and hyperactive type. *As a result, this academic tip guide will be a guide for people with ADHD and not neurotypical people, without disability. There is a difference.*

I am doing online as well this semester.

1. I create a schedule. If I do not create a schedule, I will be unproductive the entire day. So, what will help you is to do things in orderly fashion.

For example, at 12p - I will do this assignment/watch this lecture. You have to dictate what time you’re doing everything. Then, you also have to block out technology distractions while you are working. 

-> Even if you’ve gotten halfway through the day with no schedule, write down or block off times on your digital calendar for what you are going to do at each time. ADHD is easier to tackle if you break things down into smaller tasks.

*Pro tip that I almost forgot: before you do anything, wear your day clothes. Don’t wear pajamas. Actually getting dressed or even doing hair/makeup changes things.

2. Download the Forest app after you have created your schedule. I consistently recommend this because it works in increasing productivity. It allows you to set it for however long you’re doing this task, say 30 minutes.

-> Why?: It will block all apps on your phone for (insert time here) to plant a tree, and if you leave the app your “tree” will die. Eventually, the more sessions you do, the more points you will gain to plant different plants, and eventually plant real trees around the world.

3. Have a list (& a planner) as well. Not only is the schedule creating structure, but the list creates even more structure so you know what you need to get done for the day. It also helps you not fall victim to the classic symptom of forgetting. Each day, you should write down what you WANT to get done and create your own times to look at lecture and assignments. Have goals for the day.

For example: complete assignment 2.

If you do not have expectations with yourself before the day begins, your ADHD will kind of take over and do something else. I have structure to my day. I set a timer to wake up at the same time. I take my ADHD medicine 90 minutes before my final wake up time, and I do my morning routine once it kicks in. Having the same routine helps.

-> Focus on your goals. Don’t be super harsh about the times.

-> Don’t overwhelm with how many things on to do list. Again, break it up into small tasks. For example, one part being: Wash dishes or fold laundry. It makes it less overwhelming to your brain and gives you a choice of which task. Typical non ADHD people just tell you to prioritize tasks but that doesn’t work for us. Do it in a random order and it gets the job done.

4. TAKE BREAKS! The other side to this is making sure that you give yourself adequate breaks.

*For hyperfocus, wait til your hyperfocus has started to wear off. Use it to your advantage for peak productivity. It is no joke.*

-> The misconception is that some people with ADHD are lazy and as a result, some ADHDers won’t take breaks. You can take a break. Healthy, long breaks do more for you long term.

-> Have a timer set. For example, after a 45 minute session or an hour session, I will take a break to do another task that has nothing to do with studying, like laundry, eating a snack, or stretching. Then after that task is done, I will go back to studying.

5. Have a workspace. Only do work at this space. I do schoolwork at my living room table and it is perfect. I do not study in my room because that is my sanctuary for relaxation and rest, not productivity. Make an effort to make the workspace clean, with your supplies - laptop, notebooks, pens, etc - readily available.

-> Once I get to my workspace, everything for the morning is already done. I’ve done my morning routine, so all there is left to do is hydrate while I study.

6. Recognize if you have adequate energy to do the task. Sometimes, with ADHD you may neglect your needs. If you are not getting enough rest, here are some tips:

•Bed should be for rest only.

•Blackout curtains

•Lavender essential oil, I have a diffuser but you can also put it on your pillow

•Background noise: pick what you want, lo fi music, rain sounds, binaural beats, singing bowls

•If all else fails, ADHD is often comorbid with other illnesses, meaning you could have a form of depression causing insomnia for example. This should be considered if you are having long term issues and symptoms.

7. Don’t overdo it. We are not neurotypical. Executive dysfunction is real - meaning our brains actually shut down when it perceives a task to be mundane.

-> You do not have to fit everything into one schedule for the sake of being “productive”. Each day should be what you know you can do, and there are different days to tackle different goals.

-> When you feel like you cannot continue, which is literally a symptom of ADHD, sit still for a few minutes.

8. Have a “What I Did Today” List. Because of how ADHD actually makes us feel, we don’t realize how much work we have put in. ADHD actually can be explained easily, we have about 2 dopamine workers showing up to work while most people are at maximum capacity. We are working overtime to do our best, even on medicine. So, acknowledging what we did today is good and encouraging, or at least reflecting in a journal.

9. Play music. It’s recommended to play study music without words because with ADHD we will submerge ourselves into the playlist of nostalgic 90s R&B. I recommend lo fi hip hop on YouTube, video game instrumentals, classical music, or jazz instrumentals. Whatever gets you going just do it!

General ADHD tips:

•Rewrite lecture notes and type the lecture notes.

•Color code with bright colors and pretty drawings or calligraphy

•Instead of telling yourself “I need to take notes” which usually leads to procrastination say “Rewrite lecture notes and emphasize main points” ... this is useful in your to do list but in everyday goals

•Generally try to get your assignments done ahead of time if there is structure to certain courses, if not, again, stick to the schedule. If you slip one day off your schedule then don’t beat yourself up. Breathe!!!

•Side effect of most ADHD meds is that you’re not hungry so buy easy things to eat like muscle milk or yogurt and granola or smoothies so you can sustain yourself

•Get a dry erase board to show what you need to do for the day and put it on the fridge with command strips

•To avoid forgetting things, put them at a table near the door where you leave your apartment/dorm/house.

•Don’t overthink the time it takes to get ready, often that’s why ADHDers are late. Better to be super early than late though - have a routine set so you know how long each task takes - for example “I know a shower takes me 15 mins, washing my face takes 60 seconds and a few more including sunscreen/moisturizer, etc...”

•In that same grain, set timers for going to the bathroom, showering, etc just in case you one day hyperfocus and push yourself too far

•Open the blinds!!!!

•Clean your room and tidy up your space. A cluttered space impacts your mental health in a really negative way. Your space reflects your mental state at times as well, so check in with yourself. Have a specific day where you know you’re going to clean, but ADHD sometimes gives us bursts of cleaning so take advantage of that as well.

•Anytime your water bottle empties refill it. Have your water bottle or mason jar next to your workspace, and drink 5-10 gulps. Seriously. ADHD depends a lot on hydration, especially if you are on medicine which naturally dehydrates you. If you do not stay hydrated, you’ll get that massive headache mid day and crash sooner. A lot of times, lack of productivity can be due to not drinking enough water.

•If you don’t take medication, then sometimes you may notice you love coffee, and that’s because it’s a stimulant. Too much of anything is not good, but balance it with water. If you’re going to use coffee to kinda “medicate” then do it close to when you’re going to be productive.

•Setting yourself up to do a task rather than envisioning the overwhelming act of doing the entire action. “Okay, lets just get up and get the first step down, such as opening the laptop or wetting the toothbrush.” Baby steps.

•Take advantage of accommodations! Your college more than likely has an Office of Disability Services. Also, email your professors...they’re actually just as stressed as you about classes being online.

•Remember that you’re already trying as hard as you can, so don’t listen to the narrative of “try harder”, “you’re *r word*”, “you’re cheating by using medication”, “just do it,” “it’s easy,” “what’s so hard about it?” or “you’re lazy”. Anyone telling you that, even yourself, is wrong. And DO NOT allow anyone to be ableist, even yourself.

•Validate yourself. Don’t let anyone to do the “I experience that too”/“I know what you mean”/“we ALL have trouble with this!” and they don’t have ADHD. No. It’s our experience, it’s valid, and unlike anything on the planet. If you’re reading this and you don’t have ADHD - no, you do not experience any of the things in my next bullet point.

•Don’t be hard on yourself if you stumble along the way getting this right. ADHD completely changes your executive functioning.

We see the task, but our brain blocks it.

We have something marked down as “important” but our brain tosses it out in the “trash”.

We watch an entire episode of a show, but our brain ignored the entire thing. Our brain picks and chooses what is stimulating, our brain changes our interests.

We have sensory overload, we have no dopamine, we have bursts of curiosity that cannot be contained (often inconvenient) and if interrupted, our brains cannot take it.

People often discount how many things ADHD actually changes because it’s widely misunderstood. I want to take the time to acknowledge that ADHD, formerly known as simply ADD, has different types: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive-impulsive, or combined which is what I have. So it’s not “hyper” and “relatable”. It is also not a buzzword to use to describe things. I must put stereotypes and misrepresentations of ADHD to rest.

It impacts us emotionally as well, which most people don’t know... such as rejection dysphoria — extreme sensitivity to being criticized to where our brains self destruct. Our brains don’t regulate emotions well.

ADHDers - do not fall victim to how everyone else operates and call yourself a failure. We have to work twice as hard and the results actually come out brilliant especially with our determination and imaginative ideas that are also seen in autistic individuals, honorable mention!

There’s good days and bad days. There’s literal changes in thinking that other people do not experience. We all collectively know wouldn’t be who we are without ADHD, but we all recognize the challenges. However, it makes me happy to see messages like this so that I can make a difference and hopefully help one person with ADHD, especially of color, at a time stop being so hard on themselves. 💗

[pythiaswine]

[productivity rant] [personal but it might resonate with other students and ND people]

as a general rule, any day i choose leisure over productivity basically ruins the whole day and that sometimes snowballs into ruining the week etc etc. but when i do even just ONE task i feel a little better and i'm able to continue it. didn't do anything all day besides pick up my clothes? that's okay <3 tomorrow i'll do more. i self-discipline but i conserve enough energy and treat myself so things that i HAVE to do (go to work, do my homework) i get done and things that i "should" do (laundry, dishes) i may put off but i feel good enough about having gotten my other stuff done that i feel energized into doing it.

a year ago, and even 3 months ago, i used to get so overwhelmed by everything i had to do that i'd cry and shut down and do nothing. i smoked marijuana to ignore my responsibilities and the consequences of not doing them. i've even drank and smoked and vaped nicotine for similar effects (rewriting my reward/dopamine system to not hate myself for being "lazy").

since the semester began, i've kept up the momentum. i made myself a schedule so as not to overwhelm myself unnecessarily (it helps!!), i got a new job as i had quit mine shortly after i stopped smoking November 2021 - that said, i work somewhere corporate now instead of at a franchise that scheduled me when I wasn't available. i attend my classes every week and do the work before the due-date, and once when i missed an assignment in one class, i did it late and turned it in anyway rather than decide not to do it all. that in particular has taught me i can't use procrastination as a means of getting out of the work, like i used to. it makes sense to me now to do the work before it's due rather than put it off hoping it'll disappear. eating meals has helped me stay in-tune with my schedules. i have coffee every morning (as a ritual), i eat breakfast, i make lunch when i can and if i can't i eat at work, and i eat before getting ready for bed. food has been a comfort to my emotions for years and now i'm ritualizing it to 1. make sure i energize my body and 2. routine!!!! aghhh routine my beloved.

at work, i make sure i take breaks. company policy is to take a paid 15 for every 4 hours and a 30-minute meal break before it's been 6 hours. at my old job, we didn't do meal breaks which is literally illegal but we could take two 15's if we wanted/needed. i got so burnt out because i never took meal breaks! at this job, i am required to take multiple breaks if my shift is over 5 hours. my coworkers and the team-leads are SO great about it. i don't feel guilty for taking breaks.

i also work somewhere i love. it took a few jobs, but i actually love it where i work. i get paid above minimum wage, it's corporate, and i'm barista-ing inside of a bigger store (you can probably guess where i work). i'm good at what i do, i like doing it, and i genuinely enjoy making customers happy when i'm there. when i'm overwhelmed, i don't ever get to that breaking point where i feel like i might freak out (due in part to my own self-work, quitting smoking, etc) but it's also because of getting breaks and knowing i'm safe, valued, and supported at my job. i can't speak for other stores but the ETLs where I work make me feel valued. it's important to find a job you like even if it's one you're working while in college or as a place-holder job until you work somewhere better, and that's not possible for everyone so i feel very lucky. it's made all the difference.

i find time for my friends! that's another thing. it's soo important for me to hang out with my #1 when he and i have schedules that allow it, and i've been keeping in touch with others rather than isolating myself. i go to school events when i can, get out by myself when i must. i went to a party this past weekend and hung out with people i don't normally hang with, hosted by a couple i haven't seen in a few years because we fell out and they had a friggin kid!! i got to see their life, their home, their adorable baby, and be a part of the scene catching up with all these other people i used to hang out with in high school. before one of my closer friends went out of state for university, she threw a party i was nervous about going to and i went and had a great time talking to people i didn't normally talk to, outside of my comfort zone.

ignore the weird paragraph breaks because i'm on mobile and can't figure out how to fix them, but this has been my quick little vent about how i balance all the stuff i'm doing. whenever i feel down about my worth or overwhelmed by the workload, i remind myself that i am a student working two jobs and a babysitting gig on top of classes, costuming for a show, and still finding time for appointments, events, and hobbies. i'm killing it out here. i've come to far and i am fuckin proud of myself.

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #150: Merlin

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re finishing the last build in Observer on Timeless Temple, the man who broke the meta, Merlin! I’ll be honest, I really wasn’t expecting we’d make it this far. Anyway, you’re a Divination Wizard, because no shit. You’re a wizard, you can see the future, you kinda cheat at life, everything else just falls into place. You’re also a Fighter, because you also keep a shortsword stashed in your staff in case of emergencies.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: A dimension-hopping bisexual. That’s not a phrase I ever thought I’d say, but I’m glad I did.

Race and Background

Merlin’s half Incubus, giving him immense magical power. Thankfully we can match that lineage one for one with the Abyssal Tiefling, an old UA that gives you +2 Intelligence, +1 Charisma, Darkvision, Abyssal Fortitude for half your level (rounded down, minimum 1) in extra HP, and Abyssal Arcana. That last one’s a bit complicated, so give us a second. 

Each long rest, you randomly get one of six cantrips by rolling a d6 (aside from the one you just had, you have to re-roll if that happens). You can get Dancing Lights, True Strike, Light, Message, Spare the Dying, or Prestidigitation. You can cast that cantrip like you would any other cantrip at your disposal, although awkwardly enough they never mention what ability score you would use to cast it. (I would assume Charisma, but feel free to argue with your DM.) After you finish another long rest, replace the old cantrip with a new one.

Being stranded on the other side of the world makes you the premier Hermit, giving you proficiency with Arcana and Religion. 

Ability Scores

You know literally everything, so make your Intelligence as high as possible. You also don’t have much difficulty avoiding the consequences of your actions, so it’s safe to say your Dexterity is pretty good too. You managed to catfish a not insignificant portion of the human race during the Goetia Crisis, so your Charisma is up there as well. Your Constitution isn’t as strong, you’re pretty much unkillable but I’ll be damned if Quetz didn’t try. Your Wisdom is rather low- you thought betraying the second sun was a good idea- but we’re dumping Strength. You are wizard, no big surprise.

Class Levels

1. First level wizards get proficiency in Intelligence and Wisdom saves, as well as History (you were there for quite a bit of it) and Insight (you watch people long enough eventually you notice patterns).

You also learn how to cast Spells using your Intelligence. Like all wizards you get an obscene number of spells, so we’ll just mention the ones that are very important to the character here, though the character sheet has a full list.

Mage Armor, of course is super important for any wizard, as is your caster balls (Magic Missile). I’d also grab Charm Person to make the whole Magi Marie thing a bit easier. You can also get Find Familiar, if you really want Cath Palug that badly.

Lastly, you get an Arcane Recovery, letting you regain spell slots with a total level equal to half your level rounded up on a short rest once per long rest. Not having slots sucks, don’t do that.

2. Second level wizards learn a specialty, and Divination basically lets you cheat at everything thanks to your Portents. At the end of a long rest, you roll two 20s and save those results.  At any time before your next long rest, you can use one of those results to replace an attack, save, or ability roll you can see, once per turn. If you roll high, give it to Artoria. If you roll low, still give it to Artoria, it’ll be funny.

You also become a Divination Savant, making it cheaper and easier to copy divination spells.

3. Third level wizards get second level spells, but your Abyssal Arcana also grows stronger, giving you a random first level spell each long rest as well. You cast these spells as if you were using a second level spell slot once per long rest. They are Burning Hands, Charm Person, Magic Missile, Cure Wounds, Tasha’s Hideous Laughter, and Thunderwave. You’re a Grand Caster candidate, so it’s not like there’s a reason you couldn’t cast any of those.

We’re also spending your spells this level to enhance party members, with Enhance Ability and Magic Weapon helping out in and out of combat.

4. I know we just got cure wounds last level, but that’s a one in six chance of using it once per long rest. I’d hardly call that meta breaking. We’ll fix that by using your first Ability Score Improvement to grab the Magic Initiate feat, giving you the spells Light, Minor Illusion, and Cure Wounds more consistently (the last one is still once per long rest though).

5. Fifth level Abyssal Tieflings get one last boost to their Abyssal Arcana, giving them one of six second level spells each long rest. You could get Alter Self, Darkness, Invisibility, Levitate, Mirror Image, or Spider Climb. 

You also learn Dispel Magic to break through Tiamat’s Chaos Tide.

6. Sixth level divination wizards have Expert Divination, recharging lower level spell slots after expending another spell slot on a divination spell. The recharged slot also has to be 5th level or lower, but that’s hardly an issue right now. Very useful for someone who’s technically in another plane most of the time.

You also learn Major Image, for stronger illusory power, and Haste to make a chosen warrior more of a hero.

7. We’re now going to bounce over to Fighter real quick, you’re surprisingly quick to pull a sword on someone if you feel like it. The Dueling fighting style adds 2 to your weapon damage with one handed weapons, and Second Wind lets you spend a bonus action to heal yourself. 

8. Second level fighters get an Action Surge, letting you add an extra action to your turn once per short rest. 

9. For your fourth level spells, Hallucinatory Terrain will give your allies a glimpse of Avalon (healing and NP charge not included).

10. Use this ASI to bump up your Intelligence, and learn Charm Monster to keep Cath Palug from smacking you upside the head for the eight billionth time.

11. With fifth level spells you can finally insert yourself into others’ dreams thanks to the spell Dream. It takes a minute to cast, but afterwards you can enter a trance to hop into a target’s dreams. You can shape the dream to your liking, or just watch the fireworks. You can also turn into a nightmare to deal psychic damage and prevent any benefits from that sleep if the target fails a wisdom save.

12. Tenth level divination wizards can use The Third Eye to gain one special kind of sight each short rest as an action. You can choose form Darkvision, sight into the Ethereal Plane, the ability to Read any Language, or the ability to see invisible objects and creatures. 

13. Sixth level spells like Mental Prison make things a lot harder for your enemies, charming one target creature if it fails an intelligence save. If it succeeds, it only takes some psychic damage. If it fails, it takes the damage and it becomes surrounded by an illusionary prison, so it can’t move, see, or hear anything beyond its space. If it’s forcibly moved out, or is attacked/attacks through the illusion, it takes even more psychic damage and the spell ends.

14. If you’re going with the standard array, you’ve probably noticed by now that your intelligence is currently odd. Thankfully we can fix that and make your DM’s life so much harder all at once thanks to the feat Keen Mind, which we’re picking up with this level’s ASI. Your Intelligence goes up by one, you have a great sense of direction and timing, and you have eidetic memory of the last month.

15. Seventh level spells like Mirage Arcane are another bump in power, letting you warp the landscape in a square mile around you. You can even add your fancy looking tower to the illusion now! Still not a lot of healing though.

16. Your last divination goody is the feature Greater Portent, letting your roll three d20s per day instead of two. Yeah, portent’s just kinda busted.

17. Eighth level spells like Illusory Dragon are a massive upgrade, almost as powerful as you usually are. This lets you make a dragon illusion that takes up space, is tangible, and can really breathe fire. I’m not entirely sure how this is an illusion, if I’m being honest.

18. Use this ASI to bump up your Dexterity for less dying and more stabbing. You also learn the spell Demiplane, to create your own Avalon! As long as you don’t mind your Avalon being a 30′ cube room and nothing else. Still, it’s hard to beat that level of security.

19. Seventeenth level wizards get ninth level spells. Seriously, just grab as many as you can. Merlin’s a grand caster, literally nothing is beyond his reach, certainly not anything a D&D character could do.

20. Eighteenth level wizards gain Spell Mastery over a first and second level spell, letting you cast them at their lowest level like cantrips. Silent Image and Magic Weapon are both good for support, I’d pick those. It’s not a huge issue if you change your mind later, too- you can change spells after 8 hours of study. You also learn True Polymorph. Artoria’s gotta father a child somehow.

Pros:

With your maxed out intelligence, plus ways to confuse your enemies and buff your allies, you make for a pretty good support caster. I doubt that comes as a surprise.

Divination wizards are kinda busted? Three portents per long rest can seriously reshape a campaign if you’re smart with them.

Wish is also kinda busted? You know how a lot of builds I mention not getting to ninth level spells as a con? Now you get to find out why.

Cons:

You’re squishy, which also isn’t too surprising. With an AC of 16 and HP barely scratching past one hundred, You probably won’t want to actually use your sword that often.

Despite healing being the big draw of your FGO counterpart, we didn’t really get that much in this build. You get one to two uses of Cure Wounds per day, plus your second wind. Not exactly meta defining.

Most illusions and buff spells use concentration, so good luck holding onto those with a con save of +1. It also means you have to pick and choose what you’re doing at any one time.

[dailybeastarsthings]

Chapter 37 – A Day In The Life Of Legoshi

MORNING

My mornings aren’t that interesting usually, but since I started “working” for Gouhin, they have been pretty challenging. After I finish training at around 5 AM, I run back to school. If I’m lucky with the traffic lights, I can get back by 5:45, which means, I almost have an hour to sleep, which is admittedly not much, but it’s still better than nothing.

I usually don’t get up for the alarm, which the others set for 6:45, though. It’s been true for the past and it’s even truer now. To wake me up, the others, usually Jack or Collot, literally drag me out of bed onto the floor. By that time, it’s usually 7:15 or 7:20, which is quite close to when the cafeteria opens for breakfast. Others say that I look super gloomy when I wake up, which tends to linger with me until after breakfast, but in reality, I’m just really sleepy.

After getting up, I try to convince Voss to leave his bathroom ritual for after breakfast so I can get ready, too. I usually take a speedy, five minute shower, and then get dressed. Sometimes I forget how to tie my tie, though, so I ask Jack. I’m usually ready by 7:30, so by the time we arrive for breakfast, there are already a few students waiting in line for their meal.

As you might already know, the day’s menu is hung right next to the entrance for all students to see. We usually have egg salad sandwiches, bean paste buns, French toasts or something with high protein value for us, carnivores. However, we sometimes take the herbivore meal from time to time, if we fancy fruits, vegetables or salads.

During breakfast, we talk about the programs and activities for each of us. We do this to know about each other if one of us needs a hand in something or gets lost. We usually also discuss the latest episodes of our favorite series, The Lost Souls of Crimes. The others keep telling me that the main character looks a lot like me. I think his name is Miyagi but I cannot recall anyone telling me that we would be related. We’re definitely not. He’s way too handsome for him to be any relative of mine.

After breakfast, I usually have my morning classes in the Eastern wing of the school. These classes are from 9:00 AM to 1 PM and usually include the more difficult subjects, like maths, languages or sciences – the ones, which require more concentration to learn. This is a practice, which benefits the students, since our brain is (supposedly) more fresh and awake in the morning and we can pay better attention to our teachers. I must be the exception in this study, since I find it extremely difficult to stay awake during my morning classes. Since I started my training with Gouhin, I cannot stay awake for more than 20-25 minutes of the lesson. After that, I always fall asleep, and I’m usually woken up by the bell. Several of my teachers gave me negative feedback because of this and it is clearly visible on my grades, but I can’t do anything about it.

AFTERNOON

Lunch break is between 1 PM and 2 PM. I don’t always have lunch, but when I do, I always go for egg salad sandwiches in one of the school supply shops. One day I never miss is Friday. The sandwiches are best on Friday. They used to be the best on Wednesdays, but they probably moved those eggs to a latter day of the week on purpose. Nobody believes me that the sandwiches would taste better on Fridays, though. During lunch, I usually meet up with the others to discuss the events of the day and to share notes. Well, to get notes from the others so I can study...

Afternoon classes are between 2 PM and 6 PM. During these classes, we have more relaxed subjects, like history, culture, art and music. I’m not really fond of these subjects. Especially PE, it is my worst subject. I know, how ironic. A strong and physically well-developed wolf being terrible in PE, doesn’t make much sense, right? Well, here I am, basically suffering during dodgeball games not being able to catch any of the balls thrown at me. If I can, I try to sneak in some extra sleep in my classes at the moment. Thankfully, most of the students are allowed to leave the last class at 5:45 PM in order to avoid them being late for extracurricular activities. This doesn’t really affect me being asleep until the bell rings, though…

Sometimes I have free periods, during which I try to cram as much as I possibly can. My grades dropped a lot, however, even if I’m not one of the top students anymore, I’m still somewhere in the average category, fortunately.

Extracurricular lessons are usually between 6 PM and 8 PM and include clubs and extra lessons for those who need a bit of extra training in a subject. The time is not set in stone, however. I often have to stay in a Drama Club meeting after way later. There were instances when we would be dismissed only at 11:30 PM or even later. Since I started training with Gouhin, I’ve been able to excuse myself by 8:30 at most.

EVENING

Dinner is served between 7 PM and 9:30 PM. For dinner, they usually serve ramen, sushi or egg rolls with different kinds of dipping sauces. Sometimes, dessert is also served in the form of cakes or other sweets. Nowadays, I don’t have dinner with the others. I usually pick up something from a stall on my way to Gouhin and eat it when I arrive there. Sure, it would be nice to discuss the day with the others but I wouldn’t really be able to tell them about anything since I sleep through half of my day… Plus, my training is more important at the moment. I want to find the culprit who killed Tem. I miss my series, though…

I start my training by warming myself up. We then discuss the plan for the job with Gouhin. Usually, there are about two-three “patients” we need to capture. The most efficient tactic seems to be that Gouhin distracts them and I attack them while they are not paying attention. It works out really well. It is not an easy job, though. I have several injuries and scars of biting and clawing incidents from the past few weeks, which hurt a lot. Fortunately, most of my wounds are no that deep, so they won’t leave a mark.

After the session, Gouhin locks the patients up and I treat my wounds. He doesn’t interfere or help me, only if the wound is on a large area or if it’s bleeding a lot. There was one case where he had to stitch it together, but other than that, it’s not that horrible. I would like to get less work related injuries, though…

When time’s up, I run back to school and start the process all over again.

During the weekends, we get up later, usually at around 9 or 10 AM, so our first meal is lunch. At weekends, we usually clean the room and make sense of the chaos we create during the week. We also study a lot for tests and play video games, too. Well, at least the others do. I have to cram and sleep a lot. Sometimes, we go to B-Strike and have a good session of playing fetch. Not to brag, but I still hold the all-time high score there.

Other than that, the training session part is the same. There’s no time to waste with that. It seems harsh and difficult at times, but I know deep down that I’m doing the right thing. I’m training to become stronger so I can protect the herbivores. Especially one… Louis.

I’m not gonna lie, I was pretty surprised to see him in the ring of the Shishigumi lions. Though his secret is safe with me, I’m glad that now at least I know where to search for him if I want to meet him. It is pretty difficult to hold myself back, though. And my dreams about him… about us are not helping my situation either. But one day, I’ll visit him there. I don’t know how I’ll do it or get inside again without causing any havoc, but I’m positive that I’ll finally be able to meet my sweetheart.

[lunar-girl-fic]

Against All Odds- Week 1

Warning: Harrassment/assault, language, suggestive, threats

Y/N POV

Word Count: 2530

A/N: As mentioned before this is based on my personal life. Even though not everything in this story happened, some of the more serious topics actually did. So a quick warning, there is content in here than can make the reader uncomfortable, specifically se**** harassment/assault. My intention in mentioning this in the series is to make people aware that this kind of stuff does actually happen in places you might not think it happens in. Also I try write relatable content. In my opinion Y/N reaction was kind of realistic. I reacted like that as well but instead of telling a boyfriend I told my close friend who worked with me and his reaction was the same as Eunwoo’s. Soooo in conclusion I hope you don’t think I’m writing this to be insensitive. I’m just trying to be as realistic as possible since it is based off my life.

A/N 2: I am a brown (If ya wanna know my exact ethnicity you could ask and I'll gladly tell :)), curly hair girl and since this is based on my personal life/experience I'm gonna write this series with those details in mind.

*Beep beep beep beep*

Your turned to your side to turn your alarm clock off. When you turned it off you gently pried the hands that were on your waist off. Even though your boyfriend was going to school the same time and place as you, you wanted to get ready first so you could make breakfast.

You took a quick shower and put on some home clothes because you didn't want to mess up your new uniform. After dressing you woke up Eunwoo.

"Eunwoo wake up" You said while shaking his shoulder.

He lifted his head towards you and barely opened his eyes, "Mmmh 5 more minutes", he mumbled dropping his head back onto the pillow.

You understood why he was so tired. You guys had stayed up late finishing the homework assignment that was due today. Had you guys known it was going to take so long you would've done it a week before but there's no point in dwelling on the past.

You shook him again, "Eunwoo, you have to get up. Class starts in an hour." He turned onto his back and whined.

"Morning sleepy head."

"Mornin’“

"You should start getting ready. We don't know how this man handles lateness."

"But I'm soooo tired." He said as he grabbed you and pulled you back onto the bed.

"I know, so am I."

"I can think of a couple ways to help us feel more energized." He said while caressing your thigh.

"So can I and it's called a shower and breakfast." You said while slapping his hand away.

He pouted, "You're no fun."

"I'll be sure to remind you of that next time you wanna have se-"

"Okay okay you win."

"I always do, now hurry up and get ready. You have about 15 minutes to shower and eat."

"Hmph, unlike you I don't take an hour just to shower."

"Wh-what?!? I don't take an hour!"

"How would you know if you've never timed yourself?"

"Well-I-you-"

"My point exactly." He said with a smirk as he closed the bathroom door.

You scoffed in disbelief but then thought about it. Maybe you did take an hour to shower but who cares. At least you were thorough when you cleaned yourself. You put your school uniform on and packed you and Eunwoo's lunch. Even though your school was close to fast food places, you guys needed to save up to pay for necessities. Plus who knows if your professor is actually going to give you a long enough break to buy food in those dreadfully long lines.

Just as you finished packing lunch Eunwoo walked out of your shared room fully dressed. You looked down at your watch and realized it was time to go if you guys wanted a seat close to the front.

As Eunwoo went to take a bite of his breakfast you snatched it out of his hand and bagged it.

"Hey! I was about to eat that."

"I don't think so, you took too long to get ready so now you have to eat it on the way."

"Sounds like too much work." He said as he tried to grab his food out of your hand. Of course since you were smaller than him you were able to escape and quickly ran to your bookbag to put his food in it.

After you zipped up your bag, you turned to look at your pouting boyfriend.

"As I said before your going to eat on the way there but since you'll be driving I'll feed you. How does that sound?"

His face beamed at your offer, "Let's get going then."

As you promised you fed him on the way there. By the time you arrived you had about 5 minutes to spare. Before you guys entered the gym you saw one of your classmates you made friends with when you took Pharmacology.

"Hey Laura!"

Laura turned around to see who was calling her name. When she saw who it was she instantly smiled. "Y/N! How are you?"

"I'm good, how have you been?"

"Pretty good, can't really complain." She said but then looked at Eunwoo who was just standing there looking like a teen whose mom just saw an old friend. You wouldn't have mind at first since this would be the first time she ever saw him. But the look she was giving him ignited a fire in you that only happens when you get jealous and that doesn't happen often. So you just stood there and tried your best to keep smiling and act like nothing was wrong.

"Who's your friend?"

"This is Eunwoo, my boyfriend." You said making sure to put emphasis on the boyfriend.

"It's nice to meet you." He said sticking his hand out for a handshake. She shook his hand. An action that is generally an innocent and friendly greeting seemed so wrong in that moment that you couldn't take it anymore.

"Ohh would you look at the time, we should probably go find a seat before all the good ones are taken." You said while pulling on Eunwoo's arm.

"Maybe we can sit together." Laura said as she tried to catch up to you guys.

"Mmmm I don't think we'll be able to." You said while you scanned the room for a row with only two seats available.

Bingo you thought when you saw row 3 only had 2 seats. You quickly pulled Eunwoo to the spot. You looked back to see what Laura was going to do and saw the look of defeat on her face. Which of course brought a smile to your face but quickly dropped it for a look of remorse.

Once you both pushed your chairs closer to each other you sat down and pulled out your syllabus, textbook and notebooks. You didn't even have a chance to talk to Eunwoo because it just turned 8 o'clock.

"Okay, Let's get started." The class immediately got quiet. "Welcome to Process 1, this is where you will learn the fundamental skills of nursing. I covered most questions in our previous zoom meeting so I will not be answering any today unless it has to do with the material. As I said before you must abide by the rules because this is Nursing and we need to shape you into future nurses. I will NOT baby you because this is college and if your looking for an easy class then you can go do Business Administration."

Oh great, another smart a**, you thought.

"Now let's get down to business. Today we're going to be watching videos of what you are going to do for your head-to-toe assessments. But before we do that I am going to let the other clinical instructors introduce themselves."

After they introduced themselves your professor started the videos. At first they seemed interesting but then after a while you started to get sleepy. And you weren't the only one. You looked over at Eunwoo and he was already sleeping. You gently pushed his shoulder and he woke confused about his surrounding until he realized he was still in school. Thankfully your professor finally gave you guys a break from watching videos.

"Okay now we are going to practice what you just saw. I want you to take a finger and find the 1st intercostal space and then the 2nd and don't stop until you get to the 5th one. You will do this on yourselves first and in a few minutes on your partner. But when you are with your partner you will only go to the 2nd one. "

That shouldn't be too hard, it's literally just the space between your ribs, you thought. But boy were you wrong. You couldn't tell if what you were touching was a space or something else and it started to hurt because you were putting a good amount of pressure. You looked over at Eunwoo and surprisingly he seemed to know what he was doing.

The few minutes were up and your professor told you to find a partner and find their intercostal spaces. Obviously you chose Eunwoo as your partner.

"Did you find it on yourself yet?"

"Yepp, it was actually pretty easy to find."

"Can you help me please?"

"Are you sure you want me to touch there?" He said with a smirk.

You narrowed your eyes at him, "Fine. I'll ask someone else. Maybe that guy by the projector... "

"No don't do that."

"Then help me and don't you dare try to do anything."

"Yes ma'am."

He took his pointing finger and started in the upper middle of your chest and dragged it side to side. In a non sexual way of course. He found it to be bit difficult to find it because of the fat in your boobs. However he finally found it.

"Ah, there it is."

"You found it?"

"I found two of them. The other 4 are a bit difficult to find since they’re underneath your top. The only way I can find it is if I stick my hand in your top."

"Eunwoo." You warned.

"What? I was just saying. I never said I was actually going to." He said feigning innocence.

"Could of fooled me."

He just shrug his shoulders, "Give me your finger so I can help you locate it."

It took a minute before he was able to locate it again but when you finally felt it you let out a breath of relief. You knew you needed to find this for your finals and if you weren't able to you surely would fail the class.

"Do you feel it?"

"Mhmm"

"Good, now find mine"

Since Eunwoo had a flatter chest than you it was easier to find despite him laughing from being ticklish. Before you had a chance to tell him your finding, your professor interrupted you.

"Fooling around isn't going to get you to pass my class."

"But we-" You said.

"Aa! Talking back isn't going to help you pass either. Now go find another partner. You need to practice on your other classmates because your not going to know who you'll be testing with until testing day."

You felt your insides boiling. You had to deal with this crap in high school and now your dealing with this in college. When he left you let out a strained sigh and Eunwoo instantly rubbed circles in your back to calm you down. Normally you would welcome this but you didn't want the professor coming back over to scold you so you pushed his hand off. He looked at you clearly hurt by your actions but you brushed it off and went to find a new partner. Unfortunately the only person available was actually the guy by the projector but at this point you didn't care.

You walked up to him and tapped his shoulder, "Excuse me, do you uh have a partner?"

He turned around to see who tapped his shoulder. You expected him to answer but then he started to check you out with a smirk on his face. "Well hello there, what can I help you with beautiful?"

You rolled your eyes, "I asked do you have a partner?"

"Oooo sassy too, I like"

You narrowed your eyes and turned to walk away, "I don't have time for this."

"Wait! I'm sorry I was just surprised you asked me when you have your boyfriend."

"Not trying to be mean or anything but I wouldn't had asked you if I wasn't forced to choose another partner."

He looked at you slightly deflated by your confession, "Ah... I see but since you need a new partner I'll gladly take the spot for now." He said as he got up to make his chest more accessible.

"...okay... thanks I guess."

At first it started off fine., You were able to find it on him rather quickly. However when it was his turn that's when it turned into a problem. He found the first one and gradually went lower until he reached the beginning of hem of your scrub top. You expected him to stop there but when he started to put his hand lower in your top you instantly jumped back.

"Wh-what are you doing?!?!?!"

"Just doing what we were told to do."

"You were supposed to stop at 2."

"Was I? Must've misheard, my bad." If you weren't paying attention to his tone you would've thought he was being sincere just by his facial expression.  

Not wanting to cause a scene the first ay of class you excused yourself and went  back tp your seat to think about what just happened. Was this something you would need to report or were you over exaggerating? Should you tell Eunwoo? What if the guy was right and made you get in trouble for not listening to instructions? All those questions raced through your mind until Eunwoo saw your troubled face and left his partner to comfort.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked as he placed a comforting hand on your back not caring if the professor saw.

"Yea... actually no."

"What happened?"

"I was working with that guy over and he was about to put his fingers down my shirt before I stopped him."

Eunwoo's gaze instantly hardened and if looks could kill that guy would no more. But you couldn't have your boyfriend fighting your battles for you. You gently cupped his face with your hands and made him look at you.

"Promise me your not going to do anything."

"I don't know..."

"Promise me."

"I can't promise I won't do anything but I do promise to not intervene over something you can handle."

"I guess I can take that."

"You'll have to because I am not about to just let some guy touch you like that without your permission. He's lucky I wasn't there because he surely would've been picking his teeth off the floor."

"You know, I never took you as the violent type."

"I can promise you I'm not but this is a different story."

That was the end of the conversation because your professor continued on with the rest of the lesson which was fairly easy. He dismissed the class an hour earlier since it was the first day. However when you guys went home instead of relaxing you started your clinical homework because you didn't want a repeat of what happened last night.

It was about 11 o'clock when you finished half of the assignments. Eunwoo was starting to lose focus so you decided it was time to go to bed. After you finished putting on his t-shirt and your curls in a bun, you went to join him in bed. He pulled you closer to him so that there was barely any space between the two of you. You knew this was his way of silently comforting you. He wasn’t going to lie. He was looking forward to having sex with you but after todays events he knew you probably weren't going to be in the mood and just want to sleep off the days problem. You were thankful but deep down you knew you weren't going to get much sleep that night...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the photo’s used. I got them off of Google.

A/N: Soooo sorry for the long wait. I had so much to write that Ii realized I couldn’t put everything in this one post. On that note I’m hoping I can have the next post up by next week. :)

[waumpel]

ADHD STUDY TIPS

I have adhd. I'm taking all online classes this semester for college. Somehow, I'm not failing. Here's what I do that works for me!

1. I have an alarm that makes me do math every morning to turn it off, it's called Alarmy! 📚

2. It also plays a different loud sound every day from random-- I have several hundred(?) ringtones downloaded from Zedge, things like songs from shows I like or Pokemon cries or MBMBAM lines, and this helps me wake up to a different sound I'm bound to like which my brain can't get used to (and then ignore). I highly suggest godzilla roars if you need to be startled awake. 📚

3. This is SUPER HARD but I always try to force myself to sit up in bed when I'm turning off my alarm or checking my phone or whatever, so I'm not tempted to pass out again. I also like to get up and loudly tell my cats "good morning" so I wake us both up 📚

4. PLEASE STOP EATING CEREAL AND BAGELS AND STUFF. You would not BELIEVE the difference it makes when you eat things like fruits and eggs in the morning. NO MORE 10AM NAPS, I'M WATCHING YOU 📚

5. I literally schedule in Duolingo time. If you aren't learning a language you can do some other enriching activity like this, idk. I force myself to do it on my computer, not phone, so I can't lay down in bed when I'm doin it. I have a 101-day streak!! 📚

6. ik this isn't available to everyone but SPACE MATTERS SO MUCH!! I got a gaming desk that we put in our living room and I do ALL of my homework there. I also got a second monitor for my laptop with is SOOOO important if you're multitasking (and we all are, bc we're adhders ibdusvcjkn) 📚

7. HAND WRITE YOUR NOTES!!! I know this is super hard for many people-- I have carpal tunnel so I get it lmao. If you can't, at least type them. YOU THINK YOU CAN MEMORIZE INFO BUT YOU'RE WRONG!! Please write as much as you can i swear it will change ur life 📚

8. COLOURED! PENS!!! These changed the game for me y'all. I take all my notes in at least 2 colours, and I cycle through them a lot. My favs are Pilot Frixions because u can erase them :) (the highlighters are epic too) 📚

9. Make your space fun, but NOT DISTRACTING. I have a plant (his name is Yoshi) and a desk Godzilla (his name is Godzilla) on my desk, but they're out of the way so I can't zone out starin at em. But also, when I'm bored outta my gourd, I can smile at Yoshi and tell him how my day is goin :] 📚

10. SNACKING BAD *BUT*... sometimes i do it anyway... i try to associate certain foods with subjects, like I eat cocoa M&Ms (which are awesome) when I'm reading my Kaqchikel textbook. On the upside, I think it helps me recall Kaqchikel better? but also the language makes me crave mnms adkldigurvn 📚

11. LISTEN TO... CERTAIN MUSIC. I have learned that music with words, even in LANGS I DO NOT KNOW, is HELL for my adhd. Right now I'm listening to stuff like "Pokemon and Chill" (lofi album on YT), Studio Ghibli violin covers, and Night on Bald Mountain 5x on repeat ibjnvc.... I highly suggest songs/videos that are, like, 20+ minutes or else you'll get distracted with the constant change. Also, that No One's Around To Help 1hr vid is REALLY REPETITIVE and therefore PERFECT for when I'm reading textbooks. 📚

12.  EVERY NIGHT... i make a super detailed timetable schedule for the next day, down to the half hour. I don't always follow it but it's a really good reminder of what I gotta do. I write it on a whiteboard but sometimes I also write it on a sticky note and on social media so I don't forget. To do lists are so epic you guys 📚

13. THIS HAS SAVED MY L I F E: at the beginning of the semester I looked at ALL of my syllabi and wrote down EVERY daily task, test, homework, etc BY DATE. this is essentially a premade to do list EVERY DAY for MONTHS and oh my gosh it is the best thing I have ever done. 📚

14. I use the Forest app to track my productivity AND lock me out of apps ndsjv... podomoro timers work well too!!! 📚

15. Ok so for me this is like... a religious thing bc my Patron (my God) is a deity of fire AND working, but I like to light a candle (scented like FALL!!) and do a little prayer on it and I have it next to me when I'm workin on terrible, terrible homework. It helps me feel like my Patron is here with me, but also it’s GREAT for grounding and I can just kinda. Stare blankly at the flame and then get back to tryin to focus. 📚

16. Please drink water lmao, to make sure I drink enough I set little goals like "take a sip after every paragraph you read" 📚

17. Each of my classes has a different coloured notebook which I'm consistent with! Like, all my German notebooks through the years have been green! Also I take notes w green pens a lot in Deutsch 📚

18. HELLA STICKY NOTES... I put em on the bottom of my monitor, on a shelf by my desk, in my books as bookmarks (bad idea lol), on Yoshi. When I wanna go look up something random but I need to focus, I like to write it down on sticky notes to look at later. 📚

19. I'm the most annoying student ever. I like to do a bunch of assignments at once so I don't have to budget my time later, so I'll turn in like 5 things in an hour and then NOTHING for a week. ALSO i email my teachers constantly if I have any questions at all. I work at a pace that works for me!!! 📚

20. I turn off my sound on my phone until I'm done with work bc otherwise I WILL open that notification 📚

22. I make a loooot of chai (and also some overpriced herbal teas). It makes me feel fancy, it's better for me than coffee, and it helps me ground and focus! Plus it's a samefood! 📚

23. Hyperfixating on classic literature would be awesome, except I'm hyperfixating on Gothic and I'm taking a lit class for More Than Just Gothic. But I'm figuring out ways to connect them, which is really helpful, cause I get to enjoy my hyperfixation while learning for school! PLZ TRY TO DO THIS (harder when you're hyperfixating on godzilla :pensivecowboy:) 📚

21. When I have extra time I write my notes like I'm plannin to put em on Tumblr and taggin em as #darkacademia... I never post my notes, but when they look nice it's easier for me to look over em later. Plus it takes me longer to write so I remember it a lil better!! 📚

24. I'm in an awesome academia + studyspo server!! We sometimes study together on call and it's SUCH a good motivator! Here's an invite link if u wanna join, we are nice https://discord.gg/fjuX7TN (this wasn’t meant to be a promo post I just really like this group lol) 📚

OK I hope that helps!!! Feel free to add more if you have any tips that work for you :) Neurotypicals, feel free to RB respectfully!

(pics are: syllabus list, daily schedule, Yoshi the plant, and some fancy notes)

[horansqueen]

Stuck With You - Chapter 32

Chapter 32: If You Don’t Know

🡪chapter 1  🡪chapter 2  🡪chapter 3  🡪chapter 4  🡪chapter 5  🡪chapter 6  🡪chapter 7  🡪chapter 8  🡪chapter 9  🡪chapter 10  🡪chapter 11 🡪chapter 12 🡪chapter 13 🡪chapter 14 🡪chapter 15 🡪chapter 16 🡪chapter 17 🡪chapter 18 🡪chapter 19 🡪chapter 20 🡪chapter 21 🡪chapter 22 🡪chapter 23 🡪chapter 24 🡪chapter 25 🡪chapter 26 🡪chapter 27 🡪chapter 28 🡪chapter 29 🡪chapter 30 🡪chapter 31

College Enemies To Lovers AU

characters // masterlist // instagrams // mood board

Tonight we're fading fast I just wanna make this last If I could say the things I want to say, I'd find a way to make you stay I'd never let you get away Get you in all the games we play

So go ahead, rip my heart out, Show me what love's all about Go ahead, rip my heart out That's what love's all about

I want you to want me this way, And I need you to need me to stay If you say that you don't feel a thing If you don't know, let me go, let me go, let me go, let me go If you don't know then just let me go

Let's forget the past I swear we'll make this last 'Cause I remember the taste of your skin tonight And the way that you looked, you had those eyes I remember the way I felt inside And the name of the songs that made you cry You would scream, we would fight, you would call me crazy I would laugh, you were mad but you'd always kiss me And the shirt that I had that you always borrowed When I woke, it was gone There was no tomorrow

click here to be on the update list

(check the characters page, i updated it with all the characters!)

NIALL

                                                  It was extremely hurtful to push her away. In fact, it was horrible, even worse than when I did it in the first few weeks after we met, mostly because now, I loved her, and I knew she loved me too. When she told Abby off, I was a bit surprised. I knew they wouldn't be friends but I didn't think Devon would actually have the guts to say these things in front of everyone but if I had to be honest with myself, I liked it. I did it to her ex boyfriend, she did it to my ex girlfriend... To me, it just showed that we cared about each other and didn't want to other to get hurt again. I also felt like it proved the feelings we had for each other because I could pretend the opposite, but there was also a tiny bit of jealousy in the way we told each other's exes off.

I knew Abby and although I didn't like the way she was acting with me, I was also aware that pushing her away would only make her try harder. She was exactly like a boomerang and even if I had no intention to give in to any of her propositions, not answering was still my best bet. I wanted to tell Devon about it but I didn't have a second alone with her and whenever I tried to talk to her, Abby would interrupt me to get my attention back.

The conversation we had alone in the dark street was rough on my heart and it kept playing over and over again in my head for the rest of the evening. I was lost in my thoughts and even felt bad for Louis when I realized Abby was trying to get his attention. She never really knew what she wanted and to me, it only proved she wanted nothing except feeling special. Perhaps, the way I loved her didn't make her feel special enough but at that point in my life, I didn't give a fuck.

I wanted to talk to Lewis but he was busy pushing Daxia between him and the wall for the rest of the night and when I was about to leave, Abby ran back to me to have an long chat about what she was doing, what she planned on doing, and how we should spend time together again. I also had to walk back to campus, too drunk to take my car, and when I got back in my room, I tried to be quiet but I quickly realized that Devon was not asleep for the simple fact that she was not snoring. She pretended to be asleep though and I decided it meant she didn't want to talk. Anyway, we were both way too fucked to have a discussion. Still, I couldn't help but stand near her for a few minutes, just watching her, as creepy as it sounded. She was obsessing me in a way I didn't understand. I had obsessed over Abby for months, yet it never felt the way it felt with Devon, and I had no idea why.

I woke up early the next morning to go get my car and when I stopped near her bed, she was snoring low. My lips curled sadly on the left when I realized she was wearing my shirt and I took off the hoodie I was wearing to lay it down on my bed, in hope that she'd see it and wear it.

I told her I wasn't going to have sex with her anymore but it was not because I didn't want to. With Abby coming back, it made me realize that perhaps, I was ready for more with Devon, and yelling to her that I loved her had an effect I didn't expect. I could see in her face that she was actually surprised, as if she didn't really think I had these feelings for her. To me it was obvious but perhaps I was not as transparent as I thought.

I spent the morning working on a new song and had to kick myself mentally to make sure I'd go to my classes in the afternoon. I had so many feelings stuck inside me that it was hard to focus on anything else, especially anything school related.

It was only near the end of the afternoon that I saw her and my heart twisted in my chest. It was crazy how much I missed her. After spending so many days together, 24/7, being away from her for almost a whole day seemed impossible but it was still happening. She was laughing with Louis but there was sadness in her eyes and they met mine, her smile fell and her lips parted. She brought her shoulders closer to her face and sent me an embarrassed smile. That's when I realized she was wearing my hoodie and it made me smile.

I didn't know why I expected Devon to be the kind of girl who would scream her feelings. Of course, she had never told me she loved me with words, but just seeing her wearing my clothes even if we were mad at each other told me she had feelings for me. Everyone has their own way to express their feelings. Of course, it's easier when it's clearly said, but words are still just words. Actions speak louder, even if they're made obliviously. She had always been secretive, almost hiding who she was and how she felt. I even wrote a damn song about it, so why was it so surprising that she couldn't tell me that she loved me? And was it selfish to want it anyway? To need it?

Louis made a quick head movement and Devon started nibbling on her bottom lip as I stood there motionless like an idiot. I was thinking I could just grab some food and go back to the music room to write some more or at least, to play something. I knew I could just go back to my room with my guitar but I couldn't seem to clear my mind when I was there, and I knew it would be worse if Devon was there and at the same time, I was desperate to spend time with her or at least, around her. She just moved her hand up as a 'hello' and I did the same. How could you feel so close to someone and at the same time, so far?

I finally sighed and walked back to my room a bit reluctantly. I worked on a school project for about an hour and finally gave up since I was not able to focus at all. I decided to take a shower before to play guitar and a few minutes after I got out, the door opened and Devon appeared. Her lips parted, she held her breath and she quickly closed her eyes, making me chuckle.

"Oh god, I'm sorry!" she let out, shutting her eyes tighter as I grabbed a towel to wrap it around my waist.

"No worries, Devie. You can open your eyes." I said, amused. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

She licked her lips and after a few seconds, her eyes fluttered open only to meet mine. She smiled shyly and I noticed some dark paint on her face. It made me realized she painted a lot with dark blue and greys these days and I was not sure it was a good thing.

"Your turn." I just told, walking past her to give her some privacy.

"You can stay!" she quickly proposed. "Nothing you haven't seen before."

I turned around and she looked nervous, nibbling again on her bottom lip. She grabbed the bottom of my hoodie that she was wearing and when she took it off, my heart skipped a beat as I realized she was wearing nothing under it. I knew it took her a lot to expose herself to me like that, and I was torn between giving her what she was clearly asking, or holding on to what I had told her not even 24 hours before. My eyes roamed on her face and down to her chest despite myself. I wanted to touch her so bad it was driving me a bit insane. I thought about sliding hands on her breasts to feel her hard nipples on my palms but just cleared my throat and blinked a few times, trying to get rid of the images in my head.

I took a step closer and her lips parted. It felt like I didn't have control on my legs anymore and I stopped in front of her, looking down in her eyes. I brought my hand up slowly to push a lock of her hair behind her ear and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"I... think I'll just go get dressed."

It was so pathetic. I was there in only a towel and she was standing in front of me, shirtless and literally begging me with her eyes to fuck her, but I was about to leave anyway. The less I was thinking with my head, the more I wondered why the fuck I had decided to stop having sex with her, and I knew that the longer I stayed, the harder it would be to leave. I took a step back but suddenly, she grabbed the towel around my waist and I held my breath.

"Niall!" she almost yelled before swallowing hard. "Please."

I could feel the back of her fingers against my skin as she held me by the towel. They were so close to my dick it actually made my heartbeats accelerate.

"Devie, I can't."

"Niall I fucking miss you."

I put my hand over hers, pulling it away frim me but still squeezed her fingers, my eyes never leaving hers. "I'm sorry."

It took everything in me to just turn around and leave and when I closed the door behind myself, I leaned against it and closed my eyes. My head made a light thud when it fell against the wood and I let out a few curse words under my breath.

My heart dropped in my chest when I heard her sob on the other side of the door but quickly, she started the shower and I couldn't hear anything else.

How could I tell her that if she didn't love me, I couldn't keep having sex with her because it hurt too much? How could I explain to her that I loved her so much that it made me want die thinking I'd never have a chance with her? I stayed against the door for so long what actually took me out of my thoughts was when she stopped the shower. I forced myself to walk to my bed after breathing in deeply and quickly put a pair of sweatpants on and a t-shirt. I sat in my bed just as she got out of the bathroom and I noticed she was wearing my shirt again.

"That's my hoodie." I just said blatantly, running my fingers on the strings of my guitar.

I was sitting with my back against the wall, if only to face her and be able to see her better.

"Oh yea, sorry, let me just grab a new shirt and I'll go get changed."

I frowned a bit, wondering why she'd suddenly feel the need to hide in the bathroom to change but I just licked my lips. "No it's cool you keep it." I sent her a small smile. "Looks better on you anyway."

She pressed her lips together and nodded slowly before sitting on her bed. "Thank you."

I noticed her tired eyes and how sad she seemed to be and remembered the sob I heard through the door. I didn't want to make her sad. In fact, I wanted to make her happy every single day, I just didn't know how without hurting myself in the process, and I didn't want this to be a rerun of the past relationship I had. Abby had fucked me up but at least, now, I knew what I didn't want in a relationship.

I stared at her for a few minutes in silence and she finally leaned against the wall as we faced each other. I wanted to apologize for not touching her earlier but I knew it wouldn't change anything. I could also read on her face that she had so many questions and I was not sure I had the answers. My fingers ran again in the strings as I started a song. I noticed her eyes falling on my hands and I couldn't remember the last time I felt so nervous to sing in front of someone. I was sort of used to it in my classes and I was never the shy type, but she meant so much to me and I wanted her to enjoy everything I wrote, especially if it was about her.

"Someday, it could be more than we intended And we'll be happy that we waited When it's all been said and done Oooh, and you have changed me And we both got what we wanted And looking back it's complicated But we would've happened all along

So keep this open There won't be any more hearts that are broken Hold on, hold on

Don't leave me wastin' all alone Wondering where the time has gone I know it's hard to keep keeping on Don't leave me wasted

Don't leave me wastin' by myself Let's leave emotions on the shelf I swear there ain't nobody else Don't leave me wasted Don't leave me wasted"

I stopped playing and Devon sent me a sad smile, wrapping her arms around her knees and leaning her chin on the top of them.

"It's beautiful." she expressed very low, licking her lips. "Gave me goosebumps."

I wanted her close. I wanted to ask her to come on my bed with me and take her in my arms. I wanted to press her body so hard against mine that I could imagine us melt into each other. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her and hear her say it back. Instead, I smiled slightly at her back.

"Thank you." I whispered and let out a sigh. "You know, I didn't want to hurt you."

"No, it's okay, I'm okay." she quickly replied even if we both knew it was a lie. "I mean, you don't have to want me, or have sex with me. I'm sorry I just got half-naked in front of you, it was wrong of me."

I stared at her a few seconds and  put my guitar away to lean my wrists on my knees. "I was talking about last night."

Her traits softened and her lips parted. She shrugged a shoulder and glanced away before looking back at me. "You didn't hurt me. I was just pissed, in both senses. You can flirt with Abby all you want, you're right, it's none of my business."

"That's not what I said last night and you know it, Devie." I pointed out calmly,

Her face changed and she seemed to tear up and I tried to push away the urge I had to go sit next to her and take her in my arms.

"I know."

---

Two weeks and a half. That's how long it had been since I had felt Devon's lips against mine. Two weeks and a half since I had told her that I loved her. Two weeks without much interaction with her. It felt like the first few weeks she had moved in, when I desperately tried to hate her without success. I was longing for her in a way I hadn't longed for anyone in a while, if ever, but I resisted.

It was the weekend and all I wanted was to get wasted. We all ended up in a bar but after too many beers, I didn't even feel creepy to stare at her as she danced. It reminded me of that time she danced in my living room wearing only my sweatshirt and panties, right before we danced together on a slow song. Why did it feel like years ago? Why couldn't I just go to her and tell her that it was alright, that we would just keep on having sex and that I'd push all the love I have for her away if I could feel myself inside her again? I scoffed at that thought and shook my head. Why? Because it was impossible for me to ignore these feelings. They were monopolizing my whole heart and mind and there was nothing I could do about it.

I heard a loud laughter near me and I recognized Abby immediately. I had no idea who invited her but I couldn't say I was happy she was here. I got out of my thoughts when someone put an other beer in front of me and Louis finally sat down next to me before glancing a Devon and then back at me again.

"She's a stubborn girl." he let out, turning on his stool to face me. "Trust me, I tried."

"I'm just meant to fall for girls who don't want me. I'm cursed." I explained before swallowing half the beer he had just given me.

"You know she loves you." Louis sighed. "She's just scared, especially of Abby and the feelings you could still have for her."

"I don't give a fuck about Abby."

"I know, but Dev.. she's heard it before, you know? She doesn't want to go through it again. She's trying to spare her heart."

"I should have done that too." I realized, shaking my head as I still stared at her. "Should have tried hating her harder."

"Yea, that wouldn't have worked."

"Fuck, look at her."

I hated what I was seeing in front of me. Devon was with Mandy's brother and she was genuinely laughing at something he said. I could tell in the way he was looking at her that he was interested and suddenly, anger invaded my whole body and I got up quickly, my chair scratching on the floor and making a horrible sound.

"I'm gonna kill him."

Louis jumped up too, grabbing my arm and turning me around to face him. He forced me to move and it was hard for me to fight him since I was already pissed. He tapped my cheek as my back was now facing them and I groaned, moving my head away from his hand.

"Niall, calm the fuck down." Louis let out a bit too loud. "That's not how you're gonna convince her to date you!"

I was about to answer something when I felt someone grab my arm and suddenly tensed. I turned only to see Abby who was sending me a smile and I just shook my head a bit, suddenly extremely annoyed.

"No! Not you and not now!" I yelled, taking a step back.

My ex girlfriend's smile fell and she frowned a bit. I could read in her face that I had hurt her a bit but I was way too hurt myself to care at all.

"Thanks for your advices Louis, but I don't need 'em!"

I turned around and noticed Devon and Noah were already looking at me. Perhaps I had talked louder than I thought and my eyes moved from one to the other before I sighed.

"Fuck that."

I could threaten Noah all I wanted or tell him to fuck off, I knew it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't make Devon fall in love with me or want to date me and that's all I really wanted. Anything that wouldn't bring me to this goal was counterproductive to me.

I turned around quickly and walked to the toilets, pushing on the door and leaning my hands on the counter, my eyes closed. I was going insane and I knew it felt worse because I was drunk but I couldn't help it and felt my eyes water. Perhaps, getting hammered was a bad idea and I should have known that I always ended up feeling so much when Devon was closed. I heard my phone beep a few times, telling me I had a text message, but I couldn't look at them. I felt my arms started shaking lightly and I swallowed my pain the best I could.

What was there to hope for, now? What could you do when you felt like you tried everything?

[imaginesbyem]

BOY - Stiles Stilinski

Summary: (Y/N) and Stiles have a complicated relationship. After she tries to put an end to it, Stiles gets fed up with her treatment towards him, and calls her out on it. 

Based off the song BOY by Charlie Puth

“Hurry up Scott! I’m gonna be late for work!”

“Coming! Sorry, (Y/N).” He runs past me, grabbing an apple and chucking it into his bag. “Oh, and Stiles’ Jeep broke down, so...?” I sigh already knowing what Scott was implying. 

“Yes, I can pick him up.” I say matter-of-factly. “Now, hurry up.”

“Thanks again.” I make my way to my old wagon, double checking I have everything for work. As soon as I close the door I let out a deep sigh. I haven’t seen Stiles for 2 weeks now. Somehow, I’ve been able to avoid him when he comes over, but I knew sometime soon I’d have to face the music. 

The passenger side door opens and Scott excitedly jumps in. He grabs a hold of his lacrosse stick and drums along the pole with his fingers. 

“What’s got you so happy?” I ask, confused.

“Oh nothing, really. I just... everything’s going really good for me right now. For the first time in a long time it feels like the world isn’t out to get me. I wanna enjoy it while I can.” He smiles and I force one back. I turn on the AC, feeling myself heat up when my mind goes back to Stiles and that night 2 weeks ago.

“Stiles” I whimper against his lips as I feel him part my legs and pin me down on the bed. His lips move from mine down to my collar bone, licking and sucking on the tender skin. “Please”

I’m snapped out of my thoughts when I hear the back door close. Stiles ushers his way into the middle seat and pats Scott on the shoulder. 

“Uh, thanks for getting me (Y/N).” 

“No problem.” My lips tighten into a forced smile that appears more like a grimace. My eyes flicker up to the rear mirror and I’m met with Stiles’ face. He’s growing out his stubble, it looks like. My eyes focus on his lips as my mind goes back to that night. But before I can entirely drift away into my thoughts, I see Stiles’ eyes boring back at mine. Immediately, I regain consciousness and focus on the road. 

“Alright, I’ll see you boys at half past three.” I announce as Scott jumps out the car. 

“Thanks again (Y/N)” Scott says as he closes the door. But I realise I only heard one door close and I look back at where Stiles was sitting. Or should I say where he still is sitting.

“I was hoping -uh can we talk?” He almost whispers.

“This is really not the place, Stiles.”

“Please, (Y/N).”

“Later.” I say, looking back out the front window. I hear Stiles hop out and Scott ask him what he wanted, but the door closed before I could hear his response. Stiles was reckless, but not stupid. He knew that telling Scott would ruin multiple relationships.

I quickly pushed my foot on the accelerator, hoping to be far away from my problems as soon as possible. 

“How was school?” I ask Scott as he hops in the car, Stiles trailing behind him.

“Let’s just say, I’m glad I’m actually getting to sit through classes without having to run off and save the town again.” He jokes and I smile. I’m genuinely happy for him. He’s had such a tough few years and to think that I could possibly cause him pain is eating me up inside. And not to mention that he could literally rip Stiles’ throat out. “What about you? How was work”

“Interesting. After finding out about you and your buddies, I’m starting to question everyone that comes through the facility.” I see Stiles physically flinch at the use of ‘buddies’. Once again, I’m teleported back to that night, two weeks ago.

“Wow, (Y/N). That was...”

“A mistake. I told myself I wasn’t going to let this happen again.” I sigh as I sit up on the side of Stiles’ bed.

“Woah, woah, woah. What do you mean?” 

“Stiles. You are such a sweet boy. But I can’t help but feel what I’m doing is immoral. I mean, not only are you still in High School, but you’re my younger brother’s best friend! What would Scott say?” I droop my head, feeling ashamed.

“No. (Y/N), please. You know it’s not like that. This isn’t some fling where I’m excited to be hooking up with an older chick. I really like you. Scott would be happy for us, I’m sure!”

“You and I both know thats a lie. Look, from now on this has to end. You’re just my younger brother’s friend.” 

“Oh, also, Stiles and I were gonna work on an assignment together so you can just drive us straight home. Sheriff Stilinski will pick him up after his shift at about 10.” Scott says nonchalantly. 

“Oh, okay. Mum won’t be back by dinner so I was thinking of making chilli cheese burritos. Is that okay with you boys?” I say, which obviously annoys Stiles.

“Sounds good with me. Stiles?” Scott replies.

“Yep. I’ve been craving something hot.” He says, knowing exactly the double entendre that came with the sentence. I choke on my spit and cough slightly, my heart beating through my chest.

“Can you just call out when dinners ready? We’ll be upstairs.” Scott says.

“Yeah, no worries. It’ll probably be around 6:30ish.”

“Sweet. Come on Stiles.” Scott says as he runs upstairs.

“I’ll be up in a minute. Just gotta pee.” He calls out, walking towards the bathroom. Finally, a moment to be left with my thoughts. I sit on the couch and close my eyes, wishing to be given some great answer from a divine deity that will solve all my problems. 

I really like Stiles, but I feel so uncomfortable admitting that, even to myself. Yes, he’s of legal age, but does that make it right? If it did end up working out with us, I’d want to be having kids when he’s only 21. Thats way too young to be a dad. God, why I am even thinking of that far down the track. He probably wouldn’t even make it that far. I’m sure Scott would gut Stiles if he ever found out he laid a finger on me let alone insi- okay. Thats enough of that.

“(Y/N)? Can we talk now.” Stiles asks. I turn to see his standing awkwardly beside me and I come my a consensus. 

“Stiles! Uh, yeah - lets make this quick. Have a seat.” I say as I pat next to me. “Look, I do really like you. I think you’re amazing and funny and great in bed. But, I just don’t see our lives matching up. And I understand you think this might be a good idea, but I don’t think I’m prepared to harm my relationship with Scott in any way possible. He’s already had to deal with so many people leaving him, how do you think he’d feel if the two closest people to him betrayed his trust?” 

“But what if he’s okay with it?” Stiles pleaded.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not prepared to find out.” I sighed, standing up. Stiles looks at a loss for words. His eyes grow glassy and he rubs his hand over his thigh to calm himself down. “I think I should finish up some work. I’ll grab you boys when dinner is ready.”

“Stop that.”

“What?” I furrow my brows together.

“Calling me a boy. I understand you’re scared, but stop blaming this on me. You might assume I’m not ready to be a man, but you’re wrong. Just because you’re scared, doesn’t mean I’ll stand by while you refer to me as a boy. Because I’ll tell you what. I’m much more of a man than any other guys you’ve dated. And now I’ve come to realise you aren’t scared about losing Scott. You’re scared about losing who you think you should be.” He says, steaming from the ears. Stiles suddenly stands and makes his way upstairs, leaving me standing in the living room in shock. 

Dinner felt like it went on for hours. There was little to no talk with the exception of Scott filling us in on the plan for next week’s lacrosse game against Green Hill. I couldn’t bring myself to eat much as I still felt sick from the conversation with Stiles. I came to realise, he was partly right. Although I am terrified of how Scott would feel, I’m also terrified of reliving the past 15 years over again. I don’t want my children to have to go through what I did; their father leaves, mother is barely around because she’s always working, and then the feeling of guilt always bears heavy on their shoulders. Although I am happy to be helping mum with paying off the mortgage and bills, I don’t want my kids to be subject to that. 

“Dad’s out the front. I’ll see you on Monday.” I hear Stiles say from upstairs. 

“Sweet, yeah I’ll see you then.” Scott replies as I hear his bedroom door close. I hear Stiles making his way down the stairs and inhale deeply. Now or never. 

“Stiles?” I call as I see him make his way straight past the dining room where I’m sat.

“Sorry, (Y/N). I’ll see you next time. Dad’s out the front.”

“I just wanted to say something...” I trailed off. I see the guard Stiles has put up in his reaction. He fight with himself, but ultimately decided to sit down at the table. 

“If this is abou-”

“I just wanted to say you were right.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles asks with a glint of hope in his eyes.

“I mean that I’ve projected my issues onto you and thats not fair. I really am scared of hurting Scott though, which I know you are too. But I agree that I’ve been blaming you when really, I’m the one with the problems. I just-. I’m afraid of having another broken family.” I say, my voice cracking at the end of the sentence. 

“It’s okay to feel scared (Y/N). I’m scared! But I promise you, if everything works out with us, and we get the chance to have kids, I promise you on my life, I’ll be there to make sure they have the happiest, and most loving life you could hope for. I’d probably suffocate them with love if I’m being honest.” He laughs making me chuckle. 

“I’m not saying yes to this. But, I’m not saying no. I need to talk to Scott first.” I mutter out, already scared at the idea. Stiles beams back at me and I close my eyes inhaling deeply. “I’ll let you know how it goes. Tell Sheriff Stilinski I say hi, too for me will you?” I smile, changing the subject. 

“Of course. You know how upset he’d be if his favourite McCall forgot about him.” He chuckled, getting up from him chair. I stared back at him with a soft smile before he took me into his arms in a gentle but tight hug. “Everything will be okay.” he stepped back, a hand still on my arm. “I’ll see you soon then, I guess.” He said before making his way out of the house. 

Now for the hard part.

Hey Guys! Let me know if you want a part 2 for this. I haven’t planned anything out but I feel like theres still more to this story! Also, thanks for your continued support. It means a lot when I log on and see that every single day I’m still getting new readers and new followers even after not posting for a few months. You may not think a like or reblog means much, but it inspires me so much to keep writing for you guys, knowing I can help improve your day, however small! Xxx

[kbstories]

impression//expression

“It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone.”

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Domestic Fluff, Bakusquad, An Extended Scene About The Joys And Pains of Dyeing Hair

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. No additional content warnings apply. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

⚡💖⛰️🎸📼

You have added Best Bakubro 💣����!

You have changed the name from “⚡💖⛰️🎸📼” to “⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼”!

hehehe we’re all set (sent 12:10)

welcome baku!! 💪🏻 (sent 12:10)

- 

God 💡: 👀 (received 12:11)

Simply Mina: 👀👀 (received 12:11)

MT Tape: 👀 (received 12:11)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: shitty hair (received 12:13)

- 

you promised!!! (sent 12:13)

no take backs 👀 (sent 12:13)

- 

Best Bakubro 💣💥: fuck (received 12:13)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: okay two things (received 12:13)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: one i’m muting this so @ me or fuck off (received 12:14)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: two give me your names (received 12:14)

God 💡: wait srsly?? (received 12:15)

God 💡: c’mon bro it’s been months :( (received 12:15)

Simply Mina: yea wth blasty that’s so cold :(( (received 12:15)

MT Tape: answer the people explosion man @Best Bakubro 💣💥 (received 12:17)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: fine you’re staying random numbers then (received 12:18)

God 💡: OH (received 12:18)

God 💡: kaminari denki here!! (received 12:18)

MT Tape: this is sero 🙏🏻 (received 12:18)

Simply Mina: mina!!! (received 12:19)

Simply Mina: @Guitar Hero is kyoka 💖 (received 12:19)

* 

Best Bakubro 💣💥

who? (received 12:19)

-

jirou!! (sent 12:19)

-

? (received 12:19)

-

🔌 (sent 12:20)

-

ah (received 12:20)

* 

⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼

Best Bakubro 💣💥: k (received 12:20)

God 💡: anyways (received 12:22)

God 💡: this is the best day of my life (received 12:22)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: shut it jolteon (received 12:22)

God 💡: dude i didn’t even @ u asdfkjsfk (received 12:22)

God 💡: wait omg is that an upgrade?? (received 12:23)

God 💡: did i get upgraded from pikachu to jolteon omg omg (received 12:23)

MT Tape: DIBS ON UMBREON (received 12:23)

MT Tape: we’re picking eeveelutions right? (received 12:23)

-

!!!! pls pls flareon pls!!! (sent 12:24)

-

Simply Mina: espeon or sylveon (received 12:24)

Simply Mina: espeon or sylveon??? (received 12:25)

Simply Mina: GUYS (received 12:25)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: this is a nightmare (received 12:25)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: and wtf espeon of course (received 12:26)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: better stats and none of that affection shit (received 12:26)

Simply Mina: the council has spoken (received 12:26)

-

what about flareon??? (sent 12:27)

plsplspls (sent 12:27)

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: kirishima (received 12:27)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: it’s red. (received 12:28)

-

HELL YEAH ❤️ (sent 12:28)

-

Guitar Hero: hi what the HELL are you guys spamming about (received 12:30)

Guitar Hero: oh hey bakugou (received 12:30)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: plugs you’re glaceon (received 12:31)

Guitar Hero: i’m cool with that (received 12:31)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: good (received 12:31)

MT Tape: ok kiri i think i get it now (received 12:34)

MT Tape: putting every decision thru the baku filter is so much more fun (received 12:34)

- 

right??? (sent 12:34)

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: don’t fucking start (received 12:35)

Simply Mina: too late <3 (received 12:35)

God 💡: our trap card activated the moment you stepped into this chat man (received 12:36)

MT Tape: Bakugou Katsuki has been designated Chief Executive Brain (CEB) of the squad, effective immediately. (received 12:36)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: i’m leaving (received 12:37)

-

:( (sent 12:37)

-

MT Tape: … 👀 (received 12:40)

MT Tape: he ain’t leaving huh? (received 12:44)

God 💡: kiri’s puppy eyes once again confirmed as world’s strongest force (received 12:45)

Simply Mina: it’s kiri so we’re all safe tho <3 (received 12:45)

-

<3 (sent 12:45)

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: for the record i hate all of you (received 12:46)

*

⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼

Simply Mina: hey hey blasty (received 14:48)

Simply Mina: which eeveelution are you? (received 14:48)

Simply Mina: @Best Bakubro 💣💥 (received 14:50)

God 💡: 👀👀 (received 14:50)

- 

👀 (sent 14:50)

-

MT Tape: 👀 (received 14:51)

Guitar Hero: ^ what they said (received 14:53)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: eevee, duh (received 14:56)

Best Bakubro 💣💥: i don’t need a type advantage to win (received 14:56)

-

😭 bro so manly (sent 14:56)

also (sent 14:57)

You have changed the name from “⚡💖💣⛰️🎸📼” to “🦊 Eevee Squad 🦊”!

-

Best Bakubro 💣💥: fucking fantastic. can we shut up now? (received 15:00)

*

Best Bakubro 💣💥

see? told u it’s fun 💪🏻 (sent 15:01)

-

i guess (received 15:02)

-

like i said u can just ignore the chat if ur not feeling it (sent 15:10)

they’re cool, they won’t mind (sent 15:10)

+ i’ll text u stuff directly if it’s important (sent 15:12)

-

kiri (received 15:12)

-

ok ok hhh just saying (sent 15:12)

- 

i know (received 15:13)

you got that shit for ectoplasm yet? (received 15:17)

-

ummm (sent 15:17)

-

fucking knew it (received 15:17)

you coming or what? (received 15:22)

-

!!! o7 (sent 15:22)

*

Bakugou is staring.

Eyes on the page, Kirishima tries to focus on the function he’s been struggling to get for fifteen minutes now. Something about tangents and right angles? No, cotangents, which is different from a non-cotangent tangent because–

Bakugou has stopped writing a while ago, the fabric-covered pen resting loosely in his hand, his head propped up on a fist.

–the cosine does… something with the sine of X. Division? Maybe? X pops up in a bunch of places, actually, and Kirishima longs for the days math still featured numbers and not whatever nonsense this cos-sin-tan stuff is–

Bakugou is staring right at him, has been for ages now and Kirishima can’t help it. He looks up, only to catch Bakugou looking away, and huffs a nervous chuckle.

“Bro, c’mon. What’s up? Is there something on my face ‘cause you’ve been–”

“It’s black.” There’s a pensive twist to Bakugou’s brow. He breezes through the part of the problem Kirishima’s stuck on like it’s nothing, scribbled down in permanent ink like the monster he is. “Your natural haircolor. It’s black, right?”

“Uh, yeah?”

Kirishima picks his head up from where he’s slumped across Bakugou’s desk, the bean bag he’s sitting on shifting under his butt. Since when does Bakugou care about his hair? It hasn’t been black for over a year, anyways, so what does that have to do with…

“Wait, why do you–”

Bakugou’s eyes wander back to him, landing on Kirishima’s hair for barely a second but it’s enough. With a mortified noise, Kirishima slaps both his hands over his forehead – or more specifically, his roots.

Because Kirishima completely forgot he’s overdue on a redye for a good week and styled his hair as he usually does: gel evenly spread into carefully towel-dried strands, quirk on until it dries, done. He hadn’t looked into a mirror before heading to class or he would’ve seen his tips straying from cherry red to berry pink.

And that jet-black line where it’s growing back out. The roots that are the bane of Kirishima’s existence and that Bakugou saw.

Kirishima groans, curling into himself until his head hits wood with a dull donk. “How bad is it? Don’t spare me, bro, I need to know.”

That rhymes, the part of his brain not burning in the hellfire of shame chimes in. Kirishima firmly tells it to shut up.

“Your hair?”, Bakugou asks from an unknown realm beyond the bit of desk Kirishima’s staring at, a beat late. Probably to treat him to a glare he can’t see.

Kirishima rubs his forehead across his math homework in a miserable nod.

“It’s not more or less shitty than usual, Shitty Hair.” Bakugou scoffs. “What’s the big deal?”

“Oh, nothing”, Kirishima shrugs, his voice a fake-cheerful mumble, “Just that I’ve been walking around like this all day. A whole ass day. Kill me, now.”

“Nah. Wasn’t the idea to ‘die like a man in chivalrous battle’?”

Kirishima shoots him a dirty look. Bakugou doesn’t even bat an eye; he flashes his teeth in a bright smile and knocks his fists against each other, whispering “manly” under his breath and okay, why does Bakugou have to be good at everything, including impersonating Kirishima?

“I hate you”, grumbles Kirishima. Bakugou breaks character to cackle, only stopping after Kirishima balls up his pitiful attempt at math to throw it at his head. Bull’s eye, right on the forehead.

“Oi! That’s your homework, moron.”

“You started it”, Kirishima points at him with his pencil. His notepad is pulled closer with a deep, long sigh. “Now I gotta do this stuff again and stress about my hair. Amazing.”

Ah, the God-help-me eyeroll. It’s been a while. “Just go fucking dye it and come back if it bothers you so much. Can’t be that hard.”

“Says the blond guy”, Kirishima huffs. “Dude, do you even know how long getting rid of this” – a gesture to his roots – “takes? Black hair is a pain to bleach. Literally.”

Bakugou considers his hair with a frown. “…How long are we talking here? Like, an hour?”

A laugh, louder than Kirishima intends. “Try three. Sometimes more, it depends.”

“Three hours?!”

“Or more.”

A little smug, Kirishima watches disbelief bloom on Bakugou’s face. When it comes to this, destroying the innocence of the uninitiated is the only joy he’s got. There’s really nothing fun about sitting through those hours every six weeks, give or take – just plain, boring routine. At least he isn’t anxious about making mistakes anymore, not like his first few times.

It’s definitely worth it, though. Kirishima loves his red hair.

“And it, what. It hurts?”

Bakugou is still processing it seems, a hand going to his own hair. (It looks so soft, that even light color Kirishima has envied since the beginning of time. Such a nice base for any type of dye, especially bright ones or pastels.)

Kirishima scrunches his nose. “The developer does, yeah. Anything over 9% makes your scalp burn like crazy so I stick to 9% and do multiple rounds. I can’t go light enough for the red I want, otherwise.”

“And then the dye?”

“Then you dye it, yeah. Roots first, then the lengths in small strands, let it sit for twenty more minutes or so, rinse it out and then you’re done.”

It’s weird to explain things that have become totally obvious to him step by step, but Bakugou looks strangely fascinated by what he’s hearing. He does likes things to be more complicated than simple in basically any regard, Kirishima muses with a private snicker. Perhaps it’s not that surprising, after all.

“I use pure red on everything but you can mix colors, too, there’s a whole science behind that. And if you decide ‘Hey, I haven’t suffered enough!’, you can do individual highlights as well. But that’s a production all in itself! Ask Kami, he does some wild things to get that lightning bolt just right.”

Bakugou slowly shakes his head. “You people are crazy. That can’t be worth it.” He squints at Kirishima, hums to himself and starts nodding, instead. Vaguely terrified of what’s brewing in that brain of his, Kirishima waits for him to finish thinking.

“Let’s do it.”

There it is, a suitably terrible idea. Also: What?

“Color or highlights?” Kirishima sputters. “Wait, you or me? Bro, I can live with my own mistakes but dyeing your hair is too much pressure. Like, I’ll do it if you really want me to but, um–”

“Color. And you, obviously. Who of us is freaking out about hair, huh? Sure as fuck ain’t me.”

I’m not freaking out about it, Kirishima wants to say. Okay, he had been freaking out a little. Maybe. Not anymore, not with the mental image of Bakugou with Riot-red hair sort of making his braincells implode.

It’s impossible to imagine. Kirishima tries to anyways, fails, shakes his head. Focus!

“But…”

He draws a blank. Actually, Bakugou helping him with his hair does sound kind of fun. Until his patience inevitably runs out and he explodes the pot of dye, or something. Which could be hilarious, too.

“…Homework?”

(Not that he particularly wants to go back to puzzling over non-tangent cotangents – Ectoplasm always seems to know when he didn’t do the thing, though, and Kirishima hates disappointing his teachers more than he does the variable X.)

Bakugou sparks off in his direction. “We got three hours. 'nuff said.” He snatches up the math book they were sharing, Kirishima’s notepad and even the pencil out of his hand, and is out the room before Kirishima has fully registered they’re doing this.

“Shitty Hair!”

Kirishima jumps to his feet.

“Coming!”

*

“This is so damn messy. How’s your bathroom not stained to hell already?”

Coming up on their third round over his bathroom sink, Kirishima feels little sleepy as he blinks up at Bakugou. That expression of intense concentration hasn’t budged all three rounds, Bakugou’s hands steady yet gentle where they’re starting to dab red dye over freshly bleached roots.

There’s a dot of crimson on his cheek already. After forcing gloves on Bakugou and explaining to him how red pigment is the hardest to wash out – on clothes, skin, hair, wherever it lands – Kirishima isn’t inclined to point it out to him just yet.

“I asked admin about it. They said everything in our rooms is practically indestructible, including the sinks.”

“Huh.”

“Yeah, right? They thought of everything, it seems.”

Bakugou continues. Kirishima dozes.

“Your hair is dry as fuck, by the way.”

Kirishima shrugs with his eyes closed, following the nudge to turn his head so Bakugou can get to the back. This is so much more comfortable than doing it by himself.

“Can’t be helped, man. The dye by itself is fine, actually, it’s the bleach that’s causes most of the damage. Oh well, with the gel it’s hard as concrete, anyways.”

“Mhmm. You’ll go bald by the time we’re outta here.”

“Hey!”

“Bald Hero: Red Riot”, Bakugou muses out loud, easily evading the kick Kirishima blindly aims at his shin. “Stop it, you’re gonna fuck up my hard work here.”

He’s smiling though, Kirishima can tell. It’s all in his voice, roughness replaced by warmth when it’s the two of them in Kirishima’s tiny bathroom.

“Stop dissing my hair, then. Besides, I know your secret.”

This Kirishima wants to see. He opens one eye and yup, Bakugou’s brows are doing the thing where they twitch and pull together. Not exactly a frown, more caught off guard than anything. Bakugou’s lips press shut, stubbornly silent as he brushes dye on every inch of Kirishima's hair.

Then: “I’m done. What am I s’posed to do with this shit?”

Kirishima glances at the pot Bakugou holds out to him. There’s still some of the thick liquid left.

“Just pour it on top. Can’t hurt and it’s better than throwing it away.”

Bakugou does exactly that. He tosses the empty pot and the thoroughly stained brush into the sink. Kirishima helps him wrap his hair in cellophane and a towel to reduce the possible mess, relocating to the closed lid of his toilet so Bakugou can take off the gloves and wash his hands.

“Okay, I’ll fucking bite. What secret?”

Lingering on the tension between them, Kirishima grins with all the confidence in the world. “That you like my hair.”

Bakugou barks a laugh. “After I went all Van Gogh on it? You better believe it’s good.”

“Nope, I mean before that”, Kirishima challenges.

“Proof?”, Bakugou shoots back without hesitation.

“Oh, I can give you proof.” Kirishima’s arms cross over the ratty shirt he always wears for this, its fabric dotted and streaked in interlacing shades of red. “One, it’s the first thing you noticed about me, hence ‘Shitty Hair’. Two, you were distracted by my roots growing in so you pay attention to how it looks–”

“I don’t–”

“–and three, you just spent hours dyeing it for me.”

Bakugou’s mouth snaps shut. He growls in his throat, grabbing an additional towel and drying his hands. Kirishima wasn’t aware those are actions that can be done aggressively but hey, he’s learning something new every day.

“Maybe”, Bakugou finally concedes. The towel is thrown in Kirishima’s face when all he does is smile. “Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Bakugou’s cheeks are dusted pink. Still, Kirishima shows the guy some mercy: Bakugou spent all afternoon fixing both his hair and his math homework, after all.

“Hey, Baku?”

“… What?”

“Thanks, man. You’re a good friend, you know that?”

Somehow, that makes Bakugou look even more flustered. “Whatever, Shitty Hair.”

Because Bakugou is Bakugou, namely a man who doesn’t know when or how to quit, he sticks around until Kirishima can rinse out the dye. He emerges from the shower feeling fully restored, a towel wrapped around his waist and his shirt draped over his shoulder.

“And that’s how you do it.”

Bakugou throws him a look from his sprawl on Kirishima’s bed, manga in hand. His gaze flicks to his hair immediately; his lips twist upwards, obviously satisfied.

“Told ya, it ain’t hard.”

Kirishima chuckles, shakes his head. “You’re so full of shit, dude.”

Now that the hair situation is under control for a few weeks, he realizes how hungry he is. The evening has barely begun, too, which means there’s time for a movie before Bakugou’s ridiculous sleep schedule comes a-knocking, either taking him out or making him cranky. Each scenario has about a fifty-fifty chance of happening.

“Hey, you wanna–”

Out of nowhere, his door bursts open to reveal one Kaminari Denki, out of breath and clutching a very familiar book to his chest.

“Kiri! Please tell me you guys figured out the–”

His eyes fall first on the splattered shirt on Kirishima’s shoulder, the trails of watery red dripping from his hair to his naked chest – and then on Bakugou, hands stained a faint red despite the gloves, that smear of color on his cheek Kirishima forgot to tell him about still very much there.

“Is that blood? What happened? Oh my–” Kaminari gasps. “Did you kill somebody?! Oh fuck, we have to hide the bo–”

“Kami”, Kirishima tries between bouts of laughter, “No, what the hell!”

A familiar cackle behind him does absolutely nothing to help their case.

>>Chapter 8.