#also in love with your best tall friend solidarity

[misterbenzadrine]

♡ day 2: eli "hawk" moskowitz ♡

MY SHAYLAAAAAA I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

okay so like many other fans, i recognized jacob from his disney/nick days (namely icarly, marvin marvin, jinxed and, obviously, kirby buckets) so i knew his name but i was also still a kid so every time he came on screen, he was only kirby buckets. ("aww they're all bullying kirby buckets" "no way they put kirby buckets in a mohawk" "dude he totally kicked kirby buckets into that trophy case") JUST THE FIRST TWO SEASONS I PROMISE, it's kinda funny in retrospect lmao

(side note: i also recognized mary, xolo, and peyton so it was really funny to put their ck storylines in their previous projects' context. "woah emma/savannah from frenemies just kissed victor from parenthood ! but so did emma from jessie and now she's beating up emma/savannah ?? OMG VICTOR JUST FELL OFF THE BALCONY")

so anyways since i recognized him, he was one of the only three characters i took notice of (the other two being johnny and miguel obvi) and he always has been one of the most interesting characters of the show. ik i sound like a broken record at this point but HE MAKES THE SHOW WHAT IT IS.

he's very pushed back toward the end of the series (namely s5 and 6). but he plays a big role in the story in general BECAUSE he is the only one that demonstrates the mental effect karate has had on the kids IN A VISIBLE WAY. (eli's hair as a metaphor for his mental state, how i love thee)

so he starts out with almost no lines, he's bullied, and he comes as a duo with demetri, but he's so CUTIE. bro's literally just kind of existing. AND he has short blonde hair, nice slicked to the side, a spiffy little gentleman. i loved his wardrobe too, it wasn't even all one aesthetic like demetri's, it kinda bounces between your grandpa's closet and human bean bag. i love the colors and textures and patterns I LOVE ELI.

while miguel, demetri, and eli are all bullied from the beginning, eli's is worse bc of his lip scar (which i think is incredibly ridiculous but i know kids suck sometimes). and eli is PERFECT to be the middle man between demetri and miguel. while miguel is actively doing something about it (karate) and demetri is actively doing nothing about it (accepting his fate and waiting to graduate), eli is at a standstill. he could stay by demetri's side like he's done for YEARS, practically his whole life, never stand up for himself, duck his head and wait for graduation, or he could try something new and follow in miguel's footsteps. and after the cafeteria fight, miguel's obviously doing SOMETHING right so hook, line, sinker. (also eli applauding miguel after the fight is so cute, i love seeing is sixteen lone pixels in the corner of the screen with his little stoner hoodie) (also demetri's four pixels in the background)

eli's obviously ENRAPTURED by karate and convinces demetri to join, he even sticks with it when demetri quits bc he's REALLY dedicated. he really wants to learn karate, and he really wants to learn from johnny how to get a miguel-type transformation, how to fight, how to gain confidence, how to stop getting bullied, how to be cool. again, we as viewers know that as pure as johnny's intentions may be, his advice is obviously flawed and outdated. but the kids don't know that. so they drink in every word he says bc, to them, he's the coolest adult they've ever met (again, bc this is a show WROUGHT with absentee parents and abandonment issues, these kids put WAY TOO MUCH TRUST IN HIM)

even though he runs off when johnny lays into his lip, he obviously got what he wanted (not in a way he SHOULD have but), johnny tells him (from johnny's obviously brilliant perspective /s) exactly how to stop being that scared little kid in the cafeteria and how to become cool. which is basically that he needs to distract from his lip if he doesn't want people looking at it. (you don't need to bookie, people suck but there's a whole other world out there <3)

so he gets the mohawk. i like seeing fic writers' rationale for why he chose a MOHAWK and not another more trendy hairstyle. and personally i've never been that BIG of a fan of the mohawk, it grows on you over time obviously and it's easy to forget it's there but it feels like such an eyesore sometimes, probably bc i know that's not jacob's preferred hairstyle. but there is one rationale that is SO interesting. i'd love to say the writers knew but i try not to put too much faith in them.

mohawks apparently originated as a native american tradition to symbolize courage. it was a sign of strength. so how FITTING that eli would choose a mohawk to debut his new display of courage. the writers most likely chose it bc of the punk movement, which also works, but either way, i love the idea of eli sitting at home with red puffy eyes just stumbling on this information and deciding to take a risk for ONCE, immediately going to the store and buying out all the hair gel and hair dye and spending the whole night dyeing his hair and figuring out how to style it perfectly. WAIT IM GONNA ADD THIS TO THE HEADCANON LIST THIS IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

but either way (fuckass traffic cone aside) he gets the mohawk, and he's suddenly really confident, then comes the tattoo, the personality, and the girlfriend (moon you deserve better than to be diminished down to hawk's gf. you need to run free with your crystals and weed without a closeted bisexual manic karate man holding you down.) (moon and ali parallels??)

so hawk getting the makeover is viewer shorthand for johnny's success. not to say it should be diminished down to just johnny's doing. but hawk becoming confident, becoming popular and, in a much starker way than miguel, going from zero to hero in just a few months shows that johnny really is making these kids stronger. his influence is far more powerful than he or daniel could've imagined. and it shows, through the length and the blue and black that contrasts his blonde hair, just how big this influence is on the kids.

his blue era is cute, and the black roots definitely hint toward something darker brewing below the surface. but i truly do love blue-hawk. his bickering with demetri, while NOW we see it as angst, really was just silly bickering. just two vocal personalities colliding but still supporting each other, just separately instead of codependently like they've been their whole lives. (me when they obviously still spent time together and demetri was at every single one of hawk's events after he joined cobra kai) (s1/2 hawkmetri you are so special to me)

him color coordinating his mohawks with his outfits are so important to me, i know that's BECAUSE his hair color and clothes are reflective of his mentality but it's so cute in-universe (the costume/hmu departments knew EXACTLY what they were doing)

HIS RED-HAWK PHASE I LOVE IT I LOVE IT I LOVE IT. so obvi his red hair is reflective of the time when he FULLY embraces cobra kai, from the beginning of s2 to somewhere in s4. but this is ALSO the time he starts styling his hair in chunks rather than the simple spiked gradient he had before. i can't say exactly what this means. maybe it symbolizes a fractured personality? compartmentalizing? maybe that he's taking more risks? maybe just that it looks more dangerous? if anyone would like to answer that, be my guess, it could genuinely be anything.

another thing i noticed but i don't think i can concretely say anything about is the fact that toward the beginning and end of this phase, he wears a lot of black with hints of red (either like the stripes of his sweater during the school fight or just having red in his hair). this might be his inner turmoil? at the beginning, he for sure was highly unstable but it didn't bother him in the same way it was toward the end. then in the larusso house fight, he has the yellow shirt with the red jacket, which is obviously him kind of shedding his snake skin type of thing. AND the red shirt he wears at the beginning of s4 is a very faded red, which is so cute. he's like again growing away from cobra kai's influence. I LOVE COSTUME DEPARTMENTS FOR THIS EXACT REASON. idk again if someone can explain this more that'd be great but it's really cool nonetheless !

so he spends his whole red-hawk phase being a jerk, blah blah blah i could make a whole post on its own for this phase. BUT SOMETHING I WOULD LIKE TO YAP ABOUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING:

i love hawk, i do, this whole post proves i do. and i say this with love. FUCK HAWK FOR THE GOLF N STUFF FIGHT. no he didn't "technically" start it, and demetri haters/hawk dickriders LOVE to bring up s6 to defend him, it's giving this tweet:

like, i say this as a hawk fan, do some of y'all realize how DELUSIONAL you sound? 😭 "demetri wouldn't call him hawk :(" NEWSFLASH, HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. he's his own person. hawk easily could just cut him off and stop being friends with him. easy, simple. people cut contact with friends all the time for deadnaming, it's really not any different for a nickname. "b-but demetri wouldn't stop yapping about mit !" first of all, you're THREE seasons and a full year too early. second of all, demetri has his own reasons for being upset about mit (which is its own thing entirely) but that doesn't mean he deserves to get his arm broken. ESPECIALLY by his ex-boybest friend

now i'm sure some people may be wondering why i don't hate robby for worse. that's a very good question. and i'll settle on this: the panic is evident on robby's face. the whole balcony thing was spur of the moment, he didn't hesitate and weigh his options. he just did it. and he obviously didn't INTEND to kick him off the balcony. he didn't know it was so close or that miguel would fall. he just kicked him bc he was blinded by rage and wanted to win a stupid fight. ALSO robby and miguel have been enemies since DAY ONE. they always hated each other up to that point. what he did was obviously wrong but he didn't realize the severity of what he was doing and he eventually dealt with the consequences.

HOWEVER COMMA (i could write a whole essay on this but i'll reign it in) hawk obviously isn't panicked enough about what he just did since he's able to play along with the cobra kais for a second before they leave, hawk HESITATED when he had demetri pinned which means he obviously thought through and willingly broke demetri's arm, he knew it would break, demetri had NEVER been his enemy before all the karate drama, and hawk NEVER DEALT WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THIS. this was an actual felony ! hawk could actually get arrested and sued for this ! this could've been something on his permanent record ! that could ruin his life ! he could've and SHOULD'VE had the same consequences that robby suffered ! but he never faces the consequences. and while robby is forced into this storyline where he and tory can't get into most colleges bc of their record, hawk gets to walk free and apply wherever he wants.

we know, if nothing else, demetri seems to check all the boxes for a normal friend. nothing INHERENTLY pointing to a bad friend. and to add to this, moon, someone who didn't grow up by eli's side and didn't know eli, just his hawk persona, someone with AN OUTSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE, dumps him bc she doesn't like how aggressive and mean he's becoming (specifically toward demetri).

ergo, there's no good justification for him to break his arm, nothing redeeming anyway. so why did he break his arm? a million fanon reasons for why but none canon. BECAUSE THEY NEVER TALK ABOUT IT. an apology should be the least he could do, right? the bare minimum of just "i'm really sorry about your arm, man. all i could see was red and next thing i knew you were screaming and holding your broken arm. i'd take it back if i could." but weird, huh, that's- no, yeah, that's literally just robby's apology to miguel for the balcony. because ROBBY apologized, he and miguel TALKED IT OUT.

all demetri got was "i'm sorry for all of it, wanna help me win this thing?" nothing specific. he just clumps in the entire year into "all of it", as if calling him a pussy and breaking his arm are in the same category. he could've rushed out a similar apology but directly point out the arm and i would've forgiven that MORE than what they did.

then boom they're besties in the next scene. admittedly, in s4, after robby shaves his hair, and he has his self-pity spiral, he says "i just proved i was an asshole...especially to you." well yes, eli moskowitz ! that's an inkling of an apology ! but then he has to play the self-deprecating card and takes a different route from an apology by saying "i got what i deserved." like yeah, you kinda did, but that still doesn't sound like an apology.

then they move on ! and it's never mentioned again until s6 pt 1. S6 PT 1, HOW I LOVED THEE. when it came out, i was so excited, like omg ! demetri's FINALLY crashing out like every other character already has ! he's finally gonna show hawk that what he did was INCREDIBLY fucked up and he needs more than one "i'm sorry" to excuse an actual FELONY.

but then pt 2 came out and just completely 180'd. "whoever denied it supplied it 🤓" my brother in christ, you broke this man's arm and bullied him into oblivion, what are you doing with these fart allegations? and obviously, i'm familiar with the ck writers' tendency to drop storylines but damn, they dropped the severity of their fight in ONE episode, e5 to e6, that's an insane feat even for them sjdkjfdk

anyways, most of what i wanted to talk about with hawk was the arm break and his mohawk, and i basically covered all that. all i can say for the later seasons is i LOVED his purple mohawk but the faux hawk was BY FAR his best look, i fear i will never get over it. (no one mention that fuckass american mohawk, i hate it i hate it i hate it)

also i would love to applaud jacob. i don't know what he does to get into hawk's mentality or what he thinks hawk's motives are but like how did he manage to make a character so INCREDIBLY bisexual that it's pretty undeniable to fans and non-fans. like yes, gianni is naturally tall, moreso than jacob, and he is personally really cute. so it's probably natural that everyone might look at him like THAT. but no one else does. the way THAT MAN SPECIFICALLY looks at him. like jacob?? hello??? i want to interview him so badly and ask what could POSSIBLY be going through his mind every time he looks at gianni's lips and eyes like THAT

and it's not even like an out of context screenshot, HE STARES AT HIM THIS WHOLE SCENE AND IN OTHER SCENES THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SHOW

i just know if jacob and gianni had control, they'd make hawkmetri canon

i feel it in my soul

i love this bisexual ball of anger, he's my pookie

!! headcanons !!

I'm gonna try not to repeat everything i already put on my hawkmetri hc list but i'll summarize the main ones

BISEXUAL AND AUTISTIC !!

jewish eli !!

short social battery, likes demetri talking for him sometimes, takes long naps after hang outs

anger issues 🙏

OKAY SO as mentioned previously in this post, he totally sat in bed sobbing to himself about being embarrassed by johnny but at this point, too frustrated and angry to actually want to talk to demetri or miguel. he stumbled upon the symbolism of mohawks (maybe someone doing a deep dive on spider punk) and he decided to throw caution to the wind (since he's too pissed off to care) and he spends all night dyeing his hair and learning to style it before he feels satisfied with it and goes back to the dojo with a new confidence (esp after johnny praises him)

SAMHAWK BESTIES >>>>

hawk, at first, didn't understand how sam could switch from bonsai badass samantha larusso to an exhausted, scared little girl named sam. (just wondering what could've possibly rained on that princess's perfect little parade to make her look like her dog died.) it was seeing demetri treat sam the way he so often treated eli after bad bullying days that made him realize she also got panic attacks/overwhelmed. he still doesn't know how to make someone feel better (demetri's never been one to open up and miguel usually feels better after a little pep talk) but he's started inviting sam over to help build lego models. he figures there's no talking required and they can just listen to the music they have in common. 

sam notices hawk get sensory overload (which she picked up some understanding of it from demetri) and asks him to help her put her hair in braids. he doesn't know wtf he's doing and they come out really bad (which she fixes on her own privately) but gently pulling her hair into smaller strands and following a pattern does help him focus and calm down. it becomes a routine to the point where he automatically goes to her and asks if she needs help to signal he needs to calm down. he eventually gets better at it and devon starts asking him for help occasionally

demetri will always be his number one but directly under him is moon, miguel and sam. (and chozen obvi, they're locked in like miguel and johnny)

he wears his hair down around demetri, occasionally miguel but he always has it up. he's not really sure if it comes from his insecurity in his lip or if it's just routine at this point but he almost refuses for anyone to see him without the mohawk, which is why the mohawk shaving hits him so hard.

he gets along really well with all the miyagi-do kids now but sometimes he'll still hear them mention inside jokes from his time in cobra kai or act incredibly friendly with demetri and he just gets really sad for a few hours thinking about how much he missed while he was off being an asshole

he actually gets kind of sad and mad when anyone acts like they're demetri's best friend. he knows logically they're all friends now but it aggravates him knowing just two years ago, none of these people gave him and demetri a second glance but all of a sudden they act like they know everything about him (jealous eli my beloved)

part of his rationale for the mohawk was to protect demetri (but demetri seemed to hate his switch so much that the motivation quickly went out the window)

he asked for demetri's help to dye his hair purple and back to blue at the end of s5 (and the new teal hawk in pt 3 :3)

a lot of his codependency on demetri stems from him being his only friend for so long and being one of the only people that was nice to him obvi but it's also bc demetri seems to have a sixth sense for all things hawk. it might be neurodivergent solidarity or maybe demetri's just naturally a really good caretaker, but hawk doesn't feel as comfortable anywhere else than by demetri's side.

he definitely hates himself for the red hawk stint and that he let his anger issues get out of control enough to do ALL THAT. (his actions definitely made him angrier until it was a vicious cycle) (angry bc he can't go back to demetri. angry at demetri for not accepting him. not able to go to demetri bc he's angry. rinse and repeat.)

final thoughts: hawk moskowitz, you are peak. i love you so much. i know the canon won't let you be canonically bi or autistic bc the writers don't want their "alpha sigma bro" to be seen as "woke" or anything. but i know you, i feel you, i understand you. while i might be disappointed with how you turn out in the finale, i know you've inspired so many people. your growth and your mistakes make you human, and it's been amazing to see a character with such a great non-linear growth. and to have such a badass character canonically be a nerd, YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME. I WILL MISS YOU SO MUCH BOOKIE, SAFE TRAVELS SOLDIER, GOOD LUCK

[scrupulosity-comics]

hey is racism one of your obsessions? also white and ocd. if it is, how u cope with it? i'm really afraid all the time to hurt my loved ones who are black people, and they're the majority of my loved ones. and how do u identify whats racism from whats an intrusive thought?

Most of my race-related OCD is abstract stuff like “if I move out of my parents’ house and try to live my own life outside of their control, I will have to find somewhere I can afford to pay rent, which will probably mean moving into a low-income neighborhood, which would mean inadvertently helping to gentrify the community, which would gradually push the original residents out of their homes and disrupt community ties and support systems and creating housing insecurity, so therefore I can’t move out or move on”.

I think that’s just part of a larger existential terror that I can only ever make the world worse by living in it—a net harm to the universe, molecule by misspent molecule.

I have been letting this ask sit in my inbox for weeks now because I’m convinced that anything I say will be destructive. What if my answer enables or excuses racism? What if my answer fuels the anguish of the mentally ill?

The rational and compassionate part of my mind insists that your loved ones (and mine!) understand that you (and I) are white, and have likely dealt with white peoples all their lives, and are capable of judging for themselves whether you are good to them and deserving of their intimacy. It is impossible to go through life without hurting and being hurt by people you care about—always you will have blindspots and miscommunications and competing needs. That’s just part of the curse of consciousness and being a social species. We all get a little blood on our hands eventually, one way or another… friendship involves knowing this, accepting this, and committing to avoid it and then, that failed, to make things right.

Again: your friends know you’re white. They have reason to expect the best of you or they wouldn’t be your friends. They choose to have you in their lives; trust them to trust you, and to recognize the difference between a beloved friend struggling with a treacherous and unkind brain and doing their best in an inescapably racist society, and a racist who whose bigotry makes them unworthy of their time and affection.

I do think racism obsessions are a particularly difficult manifestation of OCD to cope with because they’re hard to discuss at all without feeling like you’re implicitly asking for absolution. With other types of OCD, it’s common to seek reassurance that what you’re obsessively afraid of isn’t true—but what feels more racist than asking someone to reassure you that you’re not racist…? LMAO.

They say the “cure” to OCD, such as it is, is just to learn how to embrace the existential horror of uncertainty. Tall fucking order. Hell on Earth! But in a bizarre way I have found the rhetoric that “everyone is unconsciously and incurably racist” to be unexpectedly helpful… there is no total psychological purging and mental purification we can undergo, no amount of ritual self-flagellation that will drive the demons out, no pristine state we can aspire to and hate ourselves for soiling. Only mundane everyday commitments to compassion and empathy and solidarity and cleaning up our messes. But even then, a thought isn’t a mess. A thought I’d not a thing that happened or a choice you made. It doesn’t represent an alternate timeline branching off into a parallel universe where you have acted on it and hurt people.

Earlier this year I was playing a video game—during my lunch break I got to wondering what happened if you failed a skill check that I had passed in my own playthough, so I looked up a clip on YouTube and was so triggered by the answer (the player character calls his companion a racial slur in the heat of the moment, without meaning to, even if you’ve played him as a committed anti-racist) that I immediately spiraled and was close to throwing up in the broom closet, and when I got home I opened my own save and tried to make the player character kill himself as catharsis. It was an incredibly unreasonable guilt response to a completely fictional scenario that I hadn’t even gotten in my own playthrough, but in retrospect it was a safe way to explore fear of my own internalized racism hurting somebody and what might happen if my intrusive thoughts came true. It sucked and it was terrible and I was angry at myself for being crazy about it, but it ended up being a small dose of exposure therapy and practice at not repenting for nonexistent through self-abuse.

I dunno. This has been a long uncomfortably personal ramble but I hope it’s helpful. I don’t know if your friends know you have OCD (or how it manifests) and I don’t know whether telling them would help. But allowing yourself to trust others to trust you is far more useful than beating yourself up for thoughts you don’t want. I have on occasion warned people that I am cautious about doing certain things with them—particularly drinking—because there is a risk that I may spiral and show symptoms humiliating and uncomfortable to both of us, and I don’t want to put them in a position where they witness or feel like they have to help me manage the white guilt elements of my disorder. These conversations have usually gone well, and the mutual understanding to boundaries takes some of the tension out, which seems to reduce the triggers. It’s messy and awkward and maybe it limits who is willing to be friends with me, but IMHO it’s better than surprising someone.

As for determining whether something is an intrusive thought or actual racism, I guess my answer is: does it matter? Would you manage them differently? Intrusive thoughts may be an evil voice in your brain, but racism is an evil voice in society’s brain.

[georg-prime]

Some good anime recs

With magic and/or queer characters, that are fun, thoughtful, emotionally satisfying, beautiful.

Natsume's Book of Friends

One of the best manga/anime out there. Has some serious angst but also light comedy, issues about the fleeting life of fragile human beings from long-lived/immortal beings' POV, found families, sweet friendship, and a bit of unexpected horror. If you love Ghibli stuff especially Spirited Away, this should be for you. No queer characters in this, not really (except one minor female character), but the vibes of some characters can be debatedly genderqueer friendly for some (especially the youkai) and mlm lining for others, and the fandom delivers as usual. The 7th season is currently airing, and it's never disappointing, please come gush to/with me about how good it is!

Bodacious Space Pirates

Fun hard sci-fi. Mostly young women being cool, smart, funny, and a bit sapphic. Corsair girls in their awesome spaceship, doing light crimes, racing, and saving the galaxy. Super underrated, was slept on when it aired back then and that's just a damn shame.

Flying Witch

The nice daily life of a good apprentice witch, her witches friend and her magical and non-magical relatives, and the many strange and fun creatures she meets. Way too short, manga is still running and could easily be adapted to at least two other seasons (I recommend reading it too), worldbuilding is super creative and it's fascinating how the supernatural is usually just part of nature and the characters dealing with in simple tranquil ways. Side note: I wish some of these witches were as gay they seem.

Witchcraft Works

Underrated too, fun, weirdly feminist imo, creative with great animation, too short and deserve at least a second season to finish to story as the manga is complete. Childhood friends to lovers, boy's one of the sweetest male characters I know and his love for penguins deserves more appreciation, tall witch girl is badass as hell and also somehow a himbo. Catchy funny ending song is iconic.

Yuri!! On Ice

Do I really need to say something, pretty sure it should be popular enough, but maybe teens out here weren't old enough to have been on the internet/Tumblr etc when it was released? It's been some years after all. It's a good sport anime, with one hell of a hilarious twist around episode 7, which completely changed my opinion on the two main characters and their relationship, and makes this such a re-watchable season. Still waiting for a following, though and it's getting worrisome (hopeless?) since the prequel move got cancelled this year... But worth it anyway.

Tales of Zestiria

Famous game franchise with many unrelated games and their animated adaptation, I have a particular love for this instalment for how surprisingly queer friendly the ending was (wlw 🤝mlm solidarity). Good animation and lovable characters, cool fights, it makes you want to play the game(s), and that wouldn't be a bad thing as it is a good gateway to JRPGs in general imho. Quite active fandom still to this day and for shippers that's really nice.

Frieren

There's a lot of things to be said about this amazing manga/anime, it's funny, touching, melancholy, romantic, has some awesome animation and cool fights and is satisfying to dungeon RPG fans... It's really one of the best anime ever and I really recommend getting on the bandwagon now to follow it while release because imo it's one of those stories that benefits the best in weekly release (anime and manga) to let the feelings simmer and the fandom talks flourish (like without spoiling much, currently in the manga, a certain character is back and seriously tense situations are happening and some painful dilemma should be coming, better to live it than hear about everything later I'd say, especially because of how culte the anime already is). Much like Natsume's Book of Friends the way it touch on the pain but worth of knowing and caring for someone even if your lifespans are wildly different, is at the heart of the story and the characters's development and it's so well written. You know the end of the journey will leave you with lasting effects.

[verdemoun]

Hiii been a minute since I asked something. I know Mary Beth didnt timewarp (it makes me both happy and sad 😞) but if she did what would it be like (I'm very interested in how she and Jack would interact. Pls pls pls)

Okay iiiiif Mary-Beth timewarped:

Mary-Beth was murdered by a stalker following the success of her novel mere weeks after John saw her in Saint Denis. In this AU, this stalker would later be the bounty that successfully got the one-up and murdered Sadie Adler, too, who was in a recklessly blind rage trying to avenge one of the woman who had supported her following the death of her husband.

Mary-Beth was obviously traumatized by this experience, clinging onto Arthur in tears when he was there ready to pick her up. Being a well renowned author already in 1907, she was easy to locate. She originally stayed with Arthur due to him having the spare room, but despite loving the space and generally what a nice house it was she realized she couldn't handle being alone after the experience. She moved in with Hosea, Bessie, and of course, Kieran (later, Javier too).

Mary-Beth was truly had symptoms of agoraphobia, including severe monophobia. She had to be with at least one other person or she would get panicky, even if she knew others were in the house but not in the same room. Even with others, she struggled to leave the house.

But she was lucky in that being around a group was exactly what she needed. She had, privately, gone through a very similar thing when she left the gang: learning to be alone again and coping with that anxiety. Being with the VDLs was one of the only times if her life she felt safe, and being with the gang again was a balm for her soul.

Shout-out to her and Kieran just besties. Autism be damned my boy felt a debt needed to be repaid. Mary-Beth was his best friend and closest thing he had to an ally in canon era, and if she was hurting he was going to be there for her. They were joined at the hip and some of the glares Kieran would give people when Mary-Beth needed space really reminded them he was as much an outlaw as them once upon a time. Femme-nb solidarity they share clothes.

Predictably she becomes an ao3 queen, secretly writing sequels to her own novels. She also earns a tidy living writing dime-store erotica, which she reads aloud to Kieran to proofread. Hosea and Bessie both sit at the kitchen table drinking their coffee very slowly when she's proof-reading because - well she's a damn good writer.

At first Jack is a little bit intimidated because 'holy shit since when was Mary-Beth Leslie Dupont what do you mean an aunt I don't remember is the Leslie Dupont'. You meet one of your favorite authors only for them to laugh, affectionately say they haven't seen you since you were thiiiiis tall, that they remember changing your diapers, only to then enthusiastically ask to see your writing the second your pain-in-the-ass well meaning cousin drops that you write too.

After getting over a lot of his own awkwardness and other assorted issues, Jack will go to Hosea's because really all his favorite people are there. Hosea might be his papa and go-to for new book series he's obsessed with, or really anything he's reading, but he loves sneaking looks at whatever Mary-Beth's writing and sometimes very rarely sheepishly asking her to read his stuff which makes her whole face light up in the most overdramatic gasp yes of course imaginable.

He also does not know he sits there like an excited puppy waiting for her reactions and comments because she is so positive and supportive of his writing and poor boy craves validation. It could be red hot garbage and she would still give him an essay of what she loved about it before gently making corrections.

They are losers your honor Jack and Mary-Beth sitting in Hosea and Bessie's chairs respectively in the reading room parallel play style both frantically writing and teasing each other with spoilers.

[telomeke]

EUGENE LEE YANG IS LEAVING THE TRY GUYS

Eugene talks about how he's currently too stretched creatively, and is leaving the Try Guys to focus on his other projects. (He has two films in production, as well as a queer fantasy novel and a graphic novel in the works.) His departure does not appear to be happening with any rancor, but what he says about the difficulty in keeping up a public, onscreen persona is also very heartfelt and moving. Nonetheless, he's also kept the door open for guest spots with the Try Guys in the future. And he's only leaving after the current season, so we can still catch him in Try Guy videos for now.

Full transcript of the audio follows, if you'd like to speed read through:

- [Rachel] You ready? (Eugene sighs) - Dear friends, well, it's my time. I've wanted to have this heart to heart with y'all for quite a while now. It is with immense gratitude and unconditional love for Zach, Keith, our partners, our staff, and all of you who have supported us that I'm announcing my official departure from The Try Guys. After 10 profoundly impactful years, my time here on YouTube has come to an end. There's no version of this announcement in which I can properly express how emotional this moment is for me, how hard it is to close such a meaningful chapter of my life. But in the spirit of so much of my digital work, I'm gonna give it one last try.

I want to preface this by giving my heartfelt thanks to Zach and Keith, my bespectacled baby brothers, my tall and tiny nerd. I have no idea how we ended up on this wild journey together, but I couldn't have asked for better, smarter, weirder, funnier, and above all kinder individuals to have ridden alongside. It's been a great irreplicable honor that I will always treasure. And though our time in viral videos may be over, our friendship is forever. Even if I'll hate it when your spawn call me Guncle in the future, I shall train to become the best goddamn gay uncle in recorded human history.

Keith, you are such a shining light, truly the most physically gorgeous specimen alive with those long legs and huge mouth. After today, you are undeniably the hottest Try Guy. Zach, you're an absolute rock star. Every opinion you have is 100% correct, and I want to proclaim on record that I am the Letty Ortiz to your Dom... Guys, come on. I'm not saying all of this. - No, this is so much better than I ever imagined. Keep going, keep going. - Yes, the more emotional you get, the more everyone's gonna be okay with it. - Can you cry on cue? That would be so good for this. - Oh my gosh. Crying in the thumbnail. That'd be tits! Give it to us! (everyone laughs) - Rachel, will you please make them stop? - Yeah, you can't do this. It's a sincere video. You can't make him fake cry. - Okay. - Make him take off his shirt so we can objectify him one more time. - You being naked would be tits! (Zach laughs) - If y'all are gonna keep doing this, then just come over here and join me in presenting a few points. - Okay. So should we do the whole three guys one couch? - Absolutely not. - Dang. - Kind of invented the couch, but, okay, whatever.

- That being said, the three of us have always held a mutual, empathetic understanding about when the right time was for me to take a bow. - Some of you may have seen this coming for a while, as Eugene's schedule has gotten busier over the past few years. We thank you for your patience regarding a formal clarification. We wish we could have told you sooner, but certain circumstances outside of our control kind of challenged the three of us to come together in solidarity, and I'm very glad that we did. - Me too. So I'd like to reiterate, in case anyone misinterprets this as some kind of interpersonal ill will, that this is the furthest thing from drama. We have been through the worst version of that together. And all of my decisions have been made in consideration of what we built. And these two will always have my undying support, even if it happens to be from afar. - As you've witnessed with other notable goodbyes this year, there's a myriad of motivations for YouTubers to step away. Some are retiring, others are burnt out. Many have issues with the platform itself, as you've heard us talk about before. But again, our shows, they're not leaving YouTube at all. - Yeah, we're staying. I mean, he's leaving. - He's leaving. - I'm leaving. They're staying. But it's still a very personal decision for me, which I'll expand on later in this video. Rest assured the three of us have been discussing and planning these major changes together for a very long time now. - Of course, there's really no perfect time for this. This was always gonna be bittersweet, and we know that. We agreed though that now makes the most sense considering all the exciting new things that are happening at the company and in our lives. - Speaking of which, I just wanna say that I'm so, so, so proud of these two and our staff for your vision. Did I just elbow your stomachs? - Yeah, elbowed my belly. - I'm trying to express affection. - It was good. - You're almost there. - What do I do instead? If I go down... - If you go down it will be less affectionate or more affectionate, depending on the type of affection you like to give. - You were telling us how proud you are. - I was. Okay. Speaking of which, I am so, so proud of these two and our staff for your vision and hard work for the next era of 2nd Try. Now one of our long-term goals has always been to use the privilege of our platform to expand into a wider cast of diverse voices. - So we like to think that we're not really losing Eugene, but we're gaining so many more perspectives that deserve the opportunity to shine. However, we cannot let Eugene go without filming one last season of classic Try Guys videos. - And you can watch those episodes starting tonight at 2ndtry.tv. They're also gonna be here available on YouTube for free at a later time. Either way, I'm gonna miss you, buddy. - Yeah, 'cause, you know, we love you. - Oh. I love you all too. Come here. Come here. - Okay. - Come here. - Let's go for it. - This is a real one. - This is nice. - All right, now, if you would be so kind, I'd like to spend my last moments here with our beautiful, incredible audience. - Makes sense. - Cool. - [Zach] Okay. - I... (Keith and Zach giggle) - [Keith] Wee! - [Zach] Woo! Where do you wanna get lunch? - I'm the one leaving. This doesn't make sense. - [Zach] Oh, it's so bright. - [Keith] Oh my god. - It's fine. Okay. I'll wait till their bit's done. How are they gonna get back inside?

I want to be fully transparent about my reasons for leaving YouTube. And some of these have been difficult for me to find the confidence to express, but y'all deserve a comprehensive explanation. Well, first, in regards to my time, which is the primary issue we've cited, yes, I have become enormously inundated with work. I'm the busiest I've ever been in my entire life, and I'm so, so thankful to be committing my blood, sweat, and tears into projects that mean the world to me. Projects that have been in rigorous development for many years, which I'll elaborate more on in a bit. Now, as you know, once they required my undivided attention, I couldn't appear as often as I used to in videos. And it hasn't gone unnoticed how much my gradual withdrawal has upset some of you. And I am truly sorry for that. To express this as simply as possible, working full-time here became untenable, and it's evident that I can't continue keeping one foot in. So this amorphous arrangement where people end up asking the very fair question, "Is Eugene even a Try Guy anymore?" that will only disappoint all parties involved, especially you, the viewers who have stood by us. So for clarity's sake, we've decided to establish a clean break because clean breaks are ultimately better for the healing process. And I sincerely hope to guest star in future videos, and I don't wanna risk them being tainted by any embitterment. I want us to collectively look forward to those reunions with joy.

Now onto what I've been working on. My primary passions are writing and directing in the film and literary spaces. And my focus has always been on fiction, behind the camera and the pen. And that has never changed. And to hope to achieve any success in those spaces, gosh, it requires a lifetime of commitment. And first, my feature film. I've been writing and developing what will be my directorial debut for some time now. And we are in the active stage of packaging, and I am thrilled to be bringing it to life. The incomparable creatives at Killer Films believed in my script and have been working tirelessly with me for the past few years to get to this critical point. And I can't share more yet, but believe me when I say that it is the unbridled expression of my soul, and I have never been more determined and inspired. Now if you're unfamiliar with the industry, it's an exceedingly rare and blessed opportunity to be able to, one, get a movie produced at all, and two, gain the trust of others as a filmmaker. It requires 110% of my investment, both physically and emotionally. And I'm finally at a place in my journey as an artist to tackle this with unwavering conviction in my vision. And on top of that, the same can be applied to the literary world. I hold tremendous reverence for the writing process and am committed to proving myself as an author. So many aren't afforded this extraordinary opportunity, and I really don't want to squander it. As some of you know, I've been hard at work writing my novel, which is the first in an epic queer fantasy duology with the brilliant folks over at Macmillan and Feiwel & Friends. Due to certain unforeseen circumstances, we've had to push the release date. So you can expect it to be available next year in 2025, and I cannot wait for you to read it. Separately, I've also been writing my first graphic novel with Vault Comics, a twisted horror fantasy musical titled "Buckaroo". And you can expect more news about that and many other developments I can't mention yet in the very near future. My devotion is to creating original stories that will fundamentally thrive in other mediums.

This all brings me to a crucial message that I humbly want to emphasize. While yes, these projects are time consuming, I haven't necessarily prioritized them because I view the digital space as somehow beneath them. No, no. I have worked here online proudly for a decade and will always champion how profound and spectacular this medium can be. But after this past decade of work, of being invited into your homes, of having the privilege of getting to know so many of you, I've come to terms with the fact that this simply isn't the right space for me. The internet can be a fun, rewarding, fantastic place where many creatives shine, including my colleagues who are so, so talented at what they do. In truth, more often than not, I've experienced the opposite effect and leaving will be the best decision for preserving my mental health.

Now it makes me wildly uncomfortable to divulge all of this as I don't want to come off like I'm complaining. I can never stop repeating how deeply fortunate and thankful I am to have ever, ever been on this platform. But I'm going to try to open up as eloquently as possible because I really do care about all of you watching who might have come to care about me. I was always a private person, which has continually been at odds with the demands of being an online personality. Relatability, vulnerability, accessibility, all keywords you're familiar with about what makes a great YouTuber. Unfortunately, these weren't second nature to me, even though I tried my best. I really tried. I already contend with a complex relationship with my identities, so to have to casually discuss and publicize them at length, often in a positive and humorous manner, was exceptionally tough. This is an unscripted comedy channel after all, and that is why I removed myself completely from podcasting. I was trying to find ways to set boundaries and protect myself. But as someone who heavily saturated your screens for so many years, it might have come off as me growing distant and disinterested.

And if you have ever felt that way and if my colleagues have ever felt that way, then please know that that was never ever my intention. In all honesty, I was enduring more anguish, especially after involuntarily going viral for something so agonizing and demoralizing. Demand for my openness only grew. Strangers have been quick to tell me that I owe them my feelings and that I owe them my time to appear in content and that it's all just part of the job. Now contrary to the brave face I try to put on, I've always been profoundly aware of others' expectations. And if I'm unable to satisfy those expectations while staying true to myself, then maybe it's just not right. And many of you watching have probably experienced something similar in your own lives, that poignant moment when you know deep down that it's time for a change. Even if it hurts and even if it's hard, you know what? That change can be wonderful for everyone involved. And that is why I know that this simply isn't the right space for me and that that should be okay. I sincerely hope that it will be okay for all of you. And how I best express myself has been through narrative projects and ones that I can be fully immersed in, ones that can be guarded and intentional, long-term and precious, because that's where I'm most comfortable and energized, when I'm translating my identity, cultures, family history, and demons into work that can be dark and radical and strange and provocative. And while I also have made so, so many memories here that I'll always cherish, in the end, I can't stay. I wish I could be better at all of this for you and for my friends here at 2nd Try. I wish I found an alternative way to make this work because many YouTubers manage to flourish while protecting their peace. But the best, brightest version of myself is the me that can disappear behind my work, and that should be okay.

I chalk some of that up to how I've always had to navigate my privacy and presentation, which tends to be an integral part of the queer experience. It's why I've always relished experimenting with fashion as it's a way for me to transform into an alternate higher version of myself that's dazzling and powerful and self-possessed. You witnessed me learning how to paint my fantasies through clothing in real time. I bring this up because I don't want the summary of my issues to diminish the countless occasions where I have genuinely felt growth, connection, and happiness. A vital aspect of my time with y'all online was my coming out journey. That was undeniably raw and real. And I have grown so much louder and prouder about such a controlled, buried part of myself that was largely due to how emboldened I became because of so many of you out there, and I am eternally grateful for that.

I've also become uncompromisingly secure and appreciative of my representing of Asianness, of my Asianness. So much of that is thanks to the climate I was incredibly lucky to be a part of online where we carved out spaces to show more multifaceted, nuanced aspects of our unique backgrounds. To even be considered a voice in our community is an honor I hold dear every waking moment because I was someone who had always felt so voiceless before.

Fuck! I'm not supposed to cry. Overall, I've undergone an invaluable kind of education that could only happen through social media. It's inspired me to champion progressive values even when the world tries to stamp them out. I fully embrace the power of activism, and I'm more dedicated than ever to lead projects that explore and employ underrepresented talent. My time here with you has helped shape those principles, and I aim to never ever lose that energy. And although I've confessed the more stressful facets of my 10 years on YouTube, if I ever happened to make you smile or laugh or cry, then please know that you were instrumental in keeping me going 'cause you inspired me. Because regardless of the platform, to be able to share essential parts of myself, to garner an emotional response, and to have a spirited discourse, all of that qualifies as art. It constituted a meaningful relationship between us. And it ended up making me learn how to smile and laugh and cry too. And you, my dear friends, have my profound thanks for the opportunity and privilege to have been a part of your lives. Thank you, thank you, thank you. In conclusion, I want you to take away this one incontrovertible truth. You, all of the fans, and everyone here at 2nd Try could never be the reason I left because you were all the reason I stayed. Well, that's it. I hope y'all enjoy my final season of videos ahead, but this is my official sign off from the internet for the last time as a Try Guy. And as a guy who still has much to try, I know we'll meet again. Love, Eugene.

- That's a cut and that's a wrap on Eugene Lee Yang. (everyone applauds) Wait. Come hug him. - No! - [Rachel] Yes! - [Keith] We did. - No. - We didn't order you a lunch though. Are you cool with that? - One last time. - Taco salad. - Congrats. - I love you all. Now just the hugs to the camera. (everyone laughs) - [Rachel] Miss you most of all. - [Eugene] I'll miss you most of all.

[spacefinch]

MSB headcanons, part 2???

This time, featuring Phoebe!

She is most definitely autistic. Introverted, very empathetic, gets along with animals better than people.

Thinks cats, bunnies and chickadees are cute. Also thinks giant isopods and tarantulas are cute.

She has 2 dads.

Dad #1 is named Leonard “Len” Terese. He is blind(for his whole life) and taught Phoebe how to identify bird calls. He also loves listening to radio dramas and audiobooks with her.

Dad #2 is named Darach Cox. I haven’t figured out what he does, but he’s a botany professor.

More hc’s

Her family has both Irish and Scottish ancestry, though it doesn’t come up much.

Transferring from her old school to Walkerville Elementary was a tough time for her.

You wouldn’t guess by her quiet personality, but she is the “Excuse me, they asked for no pickles” friend.

Has the most pets out of anyone in the class. Two dogs (one of which is Len’s service dog), two cats, a gecko, and some birds. She’s also raising a few insects at any given time.

If she were in Camp Half-Blood, she would be a daughter of Demeter.

A bit more “girly” than Wanda (one of her best friends), but definitely more tomboyish than D.A. Phoebe grew up climbing trees and hanging upside down on the monkey bars and venturing into tall grass to look for birds. Wearing overalls shorts or a romper was more practical than a skirt when it came to her daily activities.

Even when Phoebe does wear a skirt, she wears shorts or leggings underneath so she can still do tree-climbing at a moment’s notice.

Vegetarian. Partly for environmental reasons, and partly because she’s never liked the taste of meat.

Her favorite bird is — surprise— the phoebe flycatcher. I imagine she sees them around her backyard, though I don’t know what species she would see. Anyway, here’s the birds:

Eastern phoebe (Sayornis phoebe): Found east of the Great Plains. A familiar backyard bird.

Black phoebe (Sayornis nigricans): Year-round resident of the west coast of the US. Very fancy looking little guy.

Say’s phoebe (Sayornis saya) : the largest of the phoebes. Found in open, arid areas.

Knows a fair amount of Latin, thanks to her botanist dad.

If you mention birds or plants or insects around her, watch out. Phoebe can and will talk your ear off about those things.

Friendships

Doesn’t consider herself a people person.

Has a good relationship with pretty much everyone in Ms. Frizzle’s class.

D.A. was the first to befriend Phoebe. The two of them bonded over their love of nature.

Enjoys art sessions with Tim. They specialize in different art styles though. Phoebe’s talent is drawing birds and plants, while Tim is more of a Jack-of-all-trades.

Carlos is the closest person she has to a brother. The two of them tease each other a lot, but they always have each other’s backs, and they’re both spirited advocates for the ecosystem.

More hc’s

Goes into environment and social activism at a young age.

Has lots of ideas of what she wants to be when she grows up: ornithologist (like her uncle Cecil), veterinarian, entomologist, writer, etc…

She and Carlos are Asexual/Bisexual solidarity.

Likes to play Animal Crossing and Pokémon.

Always goes as a Druid during class DND sessions.

[the-gay-trashmouth]

Okay so I binged q-force. Is it perfect? No. No its not- it's a comedy adult cartoon about gay spies. It was funny, it had that found family trope and it had it good rep. It had butch 4 butch rep (pam and Deb my loves) trans goth chicks, and even an older women in power who I have a permanent lesbian crush on. I see a lot of people complaining about the stereotypes - mostly Twink- but like.... Y'all realize stereotypical gay people exist, right? Like there are butch lesbians who BBQ on weekends and adopt way to many dogs. There are drag queens who are super extra and loud and sexual. There are alt queer people who like obscure shit and would maybe like to fuck robots- shut up

Like ... Gay people are allowed to act gay. Y'all know that right? Gay culture is built on the "weird". Q force gave us stereotypes but also broke them.

Twink is a top who can throw a punch and is fucking badass. His drag connections come in handy and offers them tons of Intel. I've seen people talk about how it's bad that he wants to be skinny but.... Yall know some people Wanna be skinny? And that's not a bad thing??? Like yeah it can be unhealthy but he never once commented on anyone else's weight negatively- and we had a diverse body types. Just in the force we had a muscle vers, a fat stud lesbian, a tall lanky hacker, a slim thicc drag queen, a chubby hunk, and a middle aged woman with actual proportions. Could I have done without some of the tummy tuck jokes? Yeah, sure, but y'all realize actual queens talk like that.

Then we have Deb- the only character with her life together. She and her wife are very very happy and secure and its like... One of the first butch 4 butch relationship I've seen on screen that healthy. She's a mechanic and was on surviver but she's also the mom of the group. She's in touch with her emotions, she rescues dogs, her happy place is on the phone with her wife- she is a black stud lesbian and she's not a cold mean shell of a person. How often do y'all see that????

And then Stat- STAT! she's weird!! And that's the point! She likes being weird!! She's a trans hacker badass and she fucked an AI!! She's herself and unapologetically so. While affection and emotions make her uncomfortable she's still the one to go after Twink on his birthday. She cares about them all, even in her weird goth way. Shes good rep for those of us who are the "ugly alt queer" people love to make fun of. And the force loves her and her weirdness! Her and twink- two characters on complete opposite sides of the stereotype spectrum- are like best friends. They could of had them hate each other but they don't! He loves her and her weird goth vibes, she doesn't understand his scene but loves him and his drag and never says a damn word. Also!! Her VA is a trans woman!!!!

And fucking Steve- he's the cis het ideal. Strong, masc, average gay man. He could pass as straight- but he doesn't?? He has a boyfriend (who isnt some fuckin super model with the same body- he's a shy bear with glasses and a suffocatingly loving family- also!!! No homophobic family side plot???? Unheard of!!!!) and half of his arc is trying to be there For Him. He's not some hyper masc guy who "happens to be gay but everyones surprised" There is no sub plot of him hiding himself or "being seen as het" he's just a vers with a dorky sense of humor and has a little gaggle of gays (plus buck) that he's adopted and co-parenting with his butch lesbian best friend. Also wlw mlm solidarity!!! Holy shit!!!! that's rare!!!!

Even Buck- who's prolly bi let's be real- goes through an arc and isnt a 2D prick- he loves those gays like family by the end. And that's the end message- community in each other and loving your fellow queer people. There's no fighting between them about being a stereotype. No one makes fun on Twink for being femme, every one gets so happy when Stat smiles, Pam and Deb are happily married and Pam automatically takes her wife's little gay family from work and goes "I love them :))) you should bring them over more."

No its not perfect- I wish there was more open trans rep and nb rep, I wish there was some ace aro rep and I wish there was less animated dick and I could do without some if the skinny jokes Twink made but y'all realize rep isn't ever gonna be perfect? Gay ppl aren't perfect. Gay people are allowed to be stereotypes and the amount of LGBTQ people who worked on the show made it realistic. There was never a point that I was like "this was written by straight people".

Y'all shot down a funny, well written comedy cartoon made by the gays for the gays and hate it because there's a femme drag queen? There's stereotypes?? We're never going to get good rep if y'all crucify everything we do get. That's not saying don't be critical, but don't attack queer writers and what little rep we have because it's not the perfect cookie cutter shape for gays.

[mieohmy]

𝖳𝗐𝗈 𝖯𝖾𝖺𝗌 𝗂𝗇 𝖺 𝖯𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 | 𝖧𝗎𝖺𝗇𝗀 𝖱𝖾𝗇𝗃𝗎𝗇

PAIRING: best friend! huang renjun x reader

GENRE: fluff, angst, humor, best-friends-to-lovers, childhood-friends-to-lovers, university! au, best friends! au, matchmaking! au, coming of age au

WC: 4.9k

NOTES: none ?/

SUMMARY: in which the universe gives you five quite obvious signs that you should be dating your best friend, but who said it was going to be that easy?

      ⇒ part of the five days a week special. 

#ONE. you met as little kids by fate. 

(or so that’s what you liked to say.)

It was always a pleasant memory to reflect back on when you met your best friend of more than 10 years, huang renjun. You were two peas in a pod, there was never one without the other. Even now, many, many years later where you’re simply two best friends attending college together, barely getting by each day, you never fail to tell the tale to others with a sparkle in your eyes, a fond look on your face.

Back then, little five-year-old you didn’t have to worry about your studies, your bills, your life. Things were a lot simpler. 

The only thing you had to worry about was the other kids at the playground. Your mother was chatting away with the other moms, only checking up on your existence every once in a while when she occasionally remembered. 

Then (and to this day, you still remember what happened so vividly) lee haechan -that little son of a gun- made some stupid remark about your hair, and what else would a five-year-old do but cry?

And when none of the other kids did anything, only laughing and giggling with a cocky little haechan in the middle of them, you cried even harder, getting up and running away from this horrible place. 

You weren’t really sure where your tiny legs took you, but you continued your escape, tears blurring your vision. 

When you finally came to your senses, finally stopped crying, and only left with the sniffles, is when you properly looked at your surroundings.

It was suddenly much darker outside, the sun already disappearing and stars preparing for their entrance. And you found yourself in a dark alley, tall, looming walls trapping you on either side. 

It was empty and deserted, and you felt the solidarity closing in around you. 

Unsure what to do, you kept going on, walking down the dark and dangerous alleyway, scared and afraid. 

You called for your mom and dad. 

Once. Twice. 

Nothing. 

The tears started back up. A sudden noise- until now, you’re still not sure what it was, maybe a rat?- startled you, and then the fear really began to set in again. 

You sat down in the middle of the alleyway, shaking and scrunching your face up in despair. 

Then a crunch sounded from behind you, and you spun around frantically, eyes glittering with unshed tears. 

It’s not what you expected. 

You didn’t expect another kid to be looking back at you. And a completely unfamiliar one at that too. 

He stared down at you, an unreadable expression on his face. The boy looked around the same age as you, give or take. 

But how did he also get here?

You finally spoke up, voice small. “H-how did you find me?”

He sighed, shrugging and kicking the ground with his foot. “I’m not sure. I just moved to this city so I wandered around. and then I forgot where I was and ended up here.” 

You wiped away your tears. “So you’re lost too?”

He simply nods. 

“I-I don’t know how I ended up here. I was just at the playground.....” New tears formed at the corner of your eyes as a pout began to settle on your lips.

The boy huffed. “Crying isn’t going to do anything.”

There’s a silence. Which was followed by increasing sniffles. 

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry! Please don’t cry.” He grimaced, looking around. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll find us a way out of here.” 

“How?” You wailed. 

“Well... I actually don’t know....”

You cried out for your mom again, sitting on the cold, hard ground. 

The boy panicked, scratching his head. “Here, uhh, what’s your name?”

You managed to say your name between sucks of breath. 

“Here, y/n.” His voice was smooth and soft, comforting. He squatted down next to you, hand holding out an unfamiliarly shaped object. 

“What is that?”

“Candy. From my old home. And it’s really yummy.” 

“But,” he continued, “you can only have it if you promise to stop crying and come with me.”

You immediately sat up straight, wiping away the wetness again for the nth time. “I promise.”

He smiled and unwrapped it for you, placing it in your palm. You quickly placed it in your mouth, enjoying the tangy taste flooding your senses. You giggled, looking back up at the boy. 

He got up from his knees, holding a hand out and beaming at you. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll protect you.”

“But.....” you trailed off, instead opting to just take his tiny hand. 

You never forgot the gleaming look in his eyes as he pulled you along, warm hand wrapped around yours. You never forgot the blanket of safety and security you felt, just by being at his side.  

And when your parents found you two soon after with the police, scared and worried to death, you realized you never asked his name before they took you away to the safety of your home. 

But there was no need. 

Four days later at school, your teacher introduced a new student to your class. 

You immediately sat up straight in your chair once you got a good look at who it was. 

It was him. The voice, speech, -everything was the same. 

“My name is Huang Renjun.”

You echoed his name in your head, wishing to store it safely in the depths of your heart. And when the teacher gestured for him to join the rest of your class, you eagerly got up-the first one might you add-walking over and holding out your hand with a toothy smile. 

“Nice to meet you, Huang Renjeon!”

“It’s renjun!” he immediately snapped. 

Your face fell. 

Renjun sighed, taking your still extended hand. 

“Nice to meet you too, I guess....”

And from then on, you would’ve never guessed how much he would mean to you in the years to come. 

#TWO. you guys somehow have the same interests and hobbies. 

Coincidence, perhaps? Or a sign?

You both found out pretty early on that you shared a lot of common interests- drawing, singing, whatever you did, Renjun did too. Well, maybe all interests and hobbies except for one of your newly developed ones.

Renjun has no clue when it started, perhaps it was right after school started back up again? Or maybe after thanksgiving break?

Either way, your new hobby was getting on his nerves. 

If your best friend suddenly started setting you up with random girls, wouldn’t you be a tad annoyed too? 

Yes, sometime in the first half of school-Renjun couldn’t help but shudder- you started playing matchmaker. 

“Instead of bothering me, you should get a girlfriend or a boyfriend,” you insisted. And he declined. 

Renjun couldn’t help but wonder what brought this on. You had never done anything quite like this before, it was utterly confusing.

When he asked, you simply stated something along the lines of-

“In all my years of knowing you, I’ve never seen you have a crush or been romantically interested in anyone.” (He rolled his eyes at that.) “It’s like a fun quest... I’m on a mission to find you a compatible partner!” (He double rolled his eyes at that.) 

And today was no different. 

Renjun pushes the door out from your shared art class, holding it open for you.

He checks the time with his other free hand. “Do you wanna go to the coffee shop down the street? I know your test isn’t for another two days.”

You grimace, walking along the sidewalk next to him. “I don’t know, I still feel like I don’t understand anything at all....”

Renjun squeezes your hand, which you didn’t even realize had grabbed yours. “Come on, y/n. You need to take a break. I can help you cram tomorrow.”

You scrunch your face in disbelief. “Really?”

Renjun blinks twice, a sure sign that you quickly picked up on when you were younger that he was, to be frank, straight-up lying in your face. 

“Of course.”

You scoff, head tilting to the side for a couple of seconds before focusing on him again with a smirk on your face, a lightbulb going off in your brain. Renjun silently gulps. 

“I’ll go with you if you go out on a date with my new friend.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, he groans, stomping his foot and running a hand through his hair in frustration. “Again with the dating? You’ve set me up on at least seven- and none of them have worked out!”

“Yeah, and because of who?” you mutter under your breath. 

“What?” 

Your head snaps up, and you quickly shoot a smile to appease him. 

“Nothing, I promise you’ll like her. Even though we just met, she’s super nice- she’s into the whole alien conspiracy too!”

Renjun’s eyes bore into yours, unmoving. He tries his best not to break- no matter how hard it may seem. 

“Please?” You pout, bringing your face closer and closer to his. 

He fakes a disgusted look, although the reddening of his ears says otherwise. Letting out a sound of protest, he skillfully avoids your intense gaze. “Alright, alright! Geez, if it makes you happy then I’ll do it.....”

You laugh in success, a bright, clear sound that rings through renjun’s body, before taking his hand and dragging him along down the street. 

✢

“He can just come home and stay with us!” Your mother’s voice filters through the phone from the other end, insistent and no-nonsense tone making you sigh and your voice come out hesitantly.

“But mom.....” you bite your lip, spinning in your chair in circles, a perfect representation of how you currently felt.

Her indignant voice cuts back in. “What’s wrong with renjun living with us for the break? He’s practically family!!”

There’s a pause.

“Why? Did you two fight? Or do you not like him anymore?”

You sit up rigid in your chair. “What?! No- it’s nothing like that...” 

“Well, then tell him he’s free to come and stay at our house.” 

You grumble in defeat, saying a half-hearted goodbye before hanging up the phone. 

Don’t take this the wrong way, you would love for Renjun to live with you and your parents for spring break- especially after he revealed he couldn’t go back home to his parent's place that was like at least a 4-hour drive- but that meant seeing him every day. 

And seeing him every day meant you basically had every chance to tell him- something you’ve been hiding from your best friend for months now. 

It definitely wasn’t easy keeping a secret from renjun- your best friend who knows almost everything about you, but you would say it was a pretty big and important decision.

Not to mention the fact that it would completely alter your whole relationship with him. 

✢

“Renjun!!!!” Your mom practically squeals, engulfing him in a tight hug. You watch from the side, unamused.  

“What about your own child?”

She rolls her eyes, ushering the both of you into the brightly lit house. 

Renjun drags his suitcase past the threshold, taking in the view of the familiar house that he hasn’t seen in so long, or that hasn’t changed one bit either. 

“You can stay in y/n’s room, right?”

You jolt upward, two heads turning to your mother with wide eyes and dropped opened mouths. “What?”

Your mother crosses her arms. “What? I thought you two slept in the same room all the time?”

“When we were younger....” Renjun mumbles. 

“You guys have been best friends for so long and you suddenly can’t share a room?”

You pinch your nose bridge, puffing out a breath of frustration. “Alright, alright, Renjun can stay in my room.”

You lead the way up to your bedroom, pushing open the door slowly. You’re not sure what to expect- nothing’s really changed after all. Renjun smiles at the sudden wave of memories washing over him, all your old photos and things kept in your room still in the exact places.

“It’s the same.”

You nod, laughing softly. “Yeah, you think I underwent a dramatic transformation or something? Not under your watch.”

You walk over to a middle school photo of you two, the cringey phase still not set in yet, laughing and giggling at the youthful versions of you. 

You make a quick joke at your awkward hairstyle back then, turning to catch renjun’s reaction. 

He stares at you with a soft smile and a hidden, deeper meaning shining through his eyes, and it catches you off guard. 

When he finally notices the sudden change in the air, snapping out his daze, your mother’s voice cuts through the silence, a commanding shout calling the both of you down for dinner. 

You decide to clear your throat, stiffly gesturing for him towards the door so you two can go down to eat. You don’t mention it, and neither does Renjun.

After dinner, which was just formalities and boring catch-up, you decided to head up back to your room to get ready for bed. 

You collapse on your bed with a sigh, feeling content with a full belly after stuffing your face with home-cooked meals as Renjun stands awkwardly to the side. 

“If you want... I can sleep on the ground. Your mom gave me blankets and pillows so- uh, yeah.”

Your eyes fly open, staring at the ceiling conflictedly. 

“I guess so.”

There’s a painful silence as you get ready for bed. 

Renjun sets up a temporary makeshift mattress on the ground, muttering a quiet goodnight as you flick off the light switch. 

Then it’s dark. And you can’t sleep. 

It’s been perhaps 10 minutes since you turned the lights off? And there’s not a single inch of sleep in your body. 

Your body keeps tossing and turning, mind wandering off to unimportant (read: very important) things. Like your best friend sleeping on the cold, hard ground. 

And suddenly you can’t take it anymore. You let out a loud huff, sitting up in bed in a ruckus. 

You stare at the dark figure on the floor, now alarmed, and turned around at the sound of your outburst, staring back up at you in the dark with a curious look. 

You roll your eyes, scooting over to make room in the spacious bed for one person -and just barely enough for two. 

“You thought I was really gonna let you sleep on the ground?”

“Huh?”

You don’t say anything, just patting the space next to you. 

“Get over here.”

He waits for a second before hesitantly and slowly getting up, like frightened prey in front of their predator. 

You open the covers, welcoming Renjun in with a more content sigh, already feeling warmer and suddenly sleepy. It's a tight squeeze for the both of you, but it just feels right. 

On the other hand, Renjun wills his body to relax. He marvels at how you seem so calm and nonchalant sharing your bed with him. 

To renjun, sharing a bed was a memento of your trust. It was you at your most vulnerable, and still, you were comfortable with letting him in- even if you used to do it all the time when you were younger. 

“Goodnight, renjun.”

He swallows. “Goodnight.”

And when he confirms that you’re asleep, the only sign of movement was through the slow rise and fall of your body, renjun finally whispers the one, two, three words before joining you in dreamland - the truth inside him, the truth that’s practically killing him. 

✢

Your mom places a plate full of tangerines on the table for you and Renjun, the bright, appetizing fruits gleaming in front of you. 

You stare at the plate, not moving, even when Renjun picks up one for himself and starts peeling. 

Your mom frowns. “Why aren’t you eating one, y/n?”

You shrug, placing an elbow on the table for your chin to rest on. But before you can say anything, a hand appears in front of your face. 

You blink, a neatly peeled tangerine suddenly comes into focus, held out in front of you. 

Your head whips to the side. Renjun rolls his eyes, nudging the tangerine closer towards you. 

“Just take it. I know you’re too lazy to peel your own anyways.”

You suddenly feel warm under the gaze of your mom, taking the fruit from him with a small thanks. 

“You guys are so cute.”

You raise an eyebrow. 

Renjun and you share a look, turning back towards your mom. It wasn’t strange for her to say something like that- she always made those kinds of comments about you two, but the way your mom said it this time seemed.... different. like it held much more meaning to it. 

“What do you mean?”

She suddenly laughs, shaking her head with a content sigh. 

“Nothing. It’s just a shame you have to leave us so soon. You’re really gonna miss them, aren’t you renjun?”

He stops chewing immediately. 

“What?”

Your chair moves out from under you with an abrupt, harsh screech as you stand up with wide and panicked eyes, chest heaving. 

Renjun gets up as well, boring holes into you with an intense and confused stare. “What is your mom talking about, y/n?”

You’re not sure what to do, your heart thundering and blood rushing in your ears as you glance, conflicted, between your mom and Renjun. 

You catch her raising a hand to her mouth, shocked but still bewildered. “You didn’t tell him?”

Renjun’s eyes never left you once. “Tell me what, y/n?”

You wish you could’ve said that you sat back down calmly and explained everything to Renjun- everything you’ve been hiding from him. 

Instead, you can only cringe as your legs move on their own accord and take you blasting out from your house in an escape.

In other words, running away from your feelings. 

Until somehow, you find yourself at the local library, bursting through the doors without a single regard for the closing time and signs decorating the doors. 

All you needed was to escape. 

But renjun would never let you do that. 

You hear his footsteps echoing yours, attempting to keep up with your furious pace. 

“Y/n-stop running from me!”

You don’t say anything, ignoring his words and pushing past the countless bookshelves. 

Until you reach a dead-end, the books staring back at you almost tauntingly. 

“Y/n.” His voice echoes from behind you. 

“Please look at me.”

You clench your fists, attempting to breathe in and out steadily, but your voice still comes out small and strained. “What if I don’t want to?”

“Please... for me?”

You curse your best friend- you could never resist him. 

Slowly and reluctantly, you turn around to face Renjun. 

He states at you, so concerned and almost hurt, it makes your heart clench. “Y/n...”

You close your eyes, inhaling and exhaling once more. “You’re right. I should explain. But first, I think we should go to a more appropriate place...” you mumble. 

Keeping his mouth shut, Renjun tersely nods and attempts to open the door. (Note: attempts)

#THREE. you somehow get locked in a library together. alone.

Renjun groans, falling back on the ground with a thud. His previous attempts to get the door open failed- obviously. 

How could you be such an idiot to forget that the library closed at 6pm? Which was around the same time you- in a flurry of emotions- ran past the doors with Renjun hot on your trails. 

And that was probably how the automatic doors locked right as the clock struck 12, meaning your fate was completely sealed in. 

You slump to the ground, hopeless with no phone or any way to contact help since you ran away in such a rush.  

Your voice comes out dead, monotone. “Give up renjun. No one is going to find us until the library opens back up in the morning...”

He gives one last shove, one last fruitless attempt before making his way over and collapsing on the ground next to you. 

A tense silence falls over the room. 

Renjun waits patiently. He tries, gives it at least a couple of minutes before he can’t take it anymore, and calls your name out again. 

You bite your lip, knowing this was inevitable. 

Taking a deep breath, you start quietly, already knowing exactly what he wanted, and so rightfully deserved.

An explanation. 

“Basically... I applied and got into a program overseas that I really wanted. Which means in the summer, I’ll be leaving for at least a year.”

“Or maybe even longer if it goes well,” you lamely add. 

He waits for a beat. 

“That’s all. I would’ve told you earlier, but I didn’t know how long I would stay and... I didn’t know how to bring it up to you.” You whisper guiltily, fiddling with your hands and knees brought up to your chest, head bowed. 

Renjun feels numb.

Is this normal? 

Is it normal to feel this way? 

Because the only thought running through his head is- how will he even be able to live without you? Without seeing your cute face at least once a day- or making random jokes to make you burst laughing or that only the two of you understand? 

Your smiling and cheerful face brightening up his day? Your jokes and quirky banter that always keeps him on his toes? You, who’s always been by his side since you were little kids playing tag on the playground? 

He can’t help but wonder, barely finding the words. 

“....then what was all the setting me up with random people all about? Why do that when you’re about to leave me behind without even saying a single word?”

You inhale, voice small. 

“I wanted to find you someone else like a partner so that you wouldn’t be lonely without me-“

“I wanted to find you someone who could keep you company so you wouldn’t be thinking about me too much. I didn’t want you to be lonely.” you say, voice cracking. 

What you truly and honestly meant was- 

I don’t want to see you move on from me and forget me while I’m thousands of miles away. So instead, I went ahead and tried to find a good person to take care of you, one that I believe is best for you. 

Or in other words, I didn’t want to get my heart broken by huang renjun, so I went ahead and did it on my own. 

Your eyes blink back unshed tears, not understanding why it hurts so much to think about your best friend with someone else, why you don’t want to give him up so easily.

Them living the life that you never knew you wanted with renjun. 

I want you to find someone who cares for you and needs you the way I wish I could-

who loves you the way I wish I could. 

“That’s why I tried to pair you up with a good person- someone who wants you as much as you want them.”

You exhale shakily, trying to avoid eye contact or catch renjun’s reaction. 

“But what if they’re never going to be who I want?”

You hesitate, confused and wondering if you misheard him. 

“W-what?” 

He finally gets the chance, and the sudden confidence to say what he's always wanted to say. What he's been too much of a coward to admit before. 

“I love you.” 

“And anyone else you try to match me up will never be enough because I only want you,” he continues. 

You can barely speak up. “Huh?”

He doesn’t respond, only coming closer with his eyes full of unspoken emotions, forcing you to stare back with your glimmering ones. You swallow, confused at what he’s doing but weirdly entranced, simply watching as he brings a hand to tilt your chin up. 

Renjun asks silently with his eyes, a question to confirm that you’re comfortable - that this is okay and what you want. 

You nod, barely a perceptible one but it’s enough for him. 

#FOUR. he kisses you.

Your eyes widen, body stiffening. And then Renjun quickly pulls back, worried at your lack of a reaction. 

You don’t give him a chance to say anything though, as you pull him back in by the shirt, properly expressing your emotions this time through your lips. 

And he gets it, reciprocating with every part of his body. 

It feels so right. 

This must be it. 

You like your best friend. No, you’re in love with your best friend, even if you knew it before or not.

✢

Eventually, you were able to talk it out and come to an understanding. (as well as escape by calling out for help and getting an unsuspecting passerby to dial for help.)

The next months spent with him were the best days of your life. It was spent exploring new feelings, new experiences that were different from before, living your life to the fullest with your loved ones, and counting down the days until you had to leave. 

You talked about long distance. And the difficulties that came with it. 

But in the end, there’s an unspoken understanding between you two. 

Until the day finally comes. The day of your flight across the world. The day you leave it all behind. 

Your parents already shed their tears the day and night before- including today. You give them one last hug, enjoying the safety of their embrace one last time, before pulling away to face your best friend. 

Your best friend, your boyfriend, your lover, the one person in the world that means everything to you. Your renjun. 

You smile, tears brimming your eyes as he engulfs you in his warmth. 

“I promise I won’t ever forget you.”

“I hope not,” he jokingly whispers back and you hit him softly. 

Just slightly pulling back, noses barely touching, he stares at you with adoration evident in his eyes.  

“I promise I’ll always love you. One day.”

You echo his words. 

“But you know,” you start teasingly, “I could just mess it up and then come back quickly-“

He squeezes you. “If you did that then I would personally go over to where you were and break up with you,” he threatens.

Rolling your red eyes, you add, “ don’t start getting over me and dating others too soon.” He shakes his head playfully, eyes brimming with tears that were just waiting to overflow. 

“I love you, huang renjun.”

“I love you and always will, y/n y/l/n.” He whispers back.

One last hug, one last kiss before you’re released. 

And with that, you’re in the car on the way to the airport, taking off with his heart. 

This is it. You’re going away. 

Away from your loved ones, and away from your home. 

 #FIVE. you find your way back.

You originally planned to keep this a secret, but overexcitement led you to spill the beans to your parents. 

But you desperately pleaded with them to keep it a secret from everyone else (meaning- your best friend) 

The overseas program was wonderful- a great experience that you never regretted accepting, and you learned a lot. 

You learned a lot about what you missed back home, and what you really needed.

It was a good choice. Maybe even the right choice- as it made you discover your true self and priorities.  

Still, it was horribly difficult to communicate with others because of the time difference, work, and busy schedules, all of which you already expected. But you finished strong, and now you were finally able to return after 2 years. 

The excitement courses through you, you can barely make it out of the car and back to your house. 

As much as you want to see renjun, your mother makes you visit your close friends and neighbors to inform them of your return. 

And at the same time, you feel anxiousness and nervousness brewing in your stomach. All the worst doubts and possibilities ring through your head-

What if he doesn’t want to see you?

What if he moved on?

What if he isn’t..... your best friend anymore?

Nonetheless, you head out, and after a few stops, you can’t help but drive to your former college, hoping for a chance to see renjun. 

You had no idea what his schedule was like- if he still even attended this college, but there was something in you that desperately hoped he was indeed here. 

Brushing past unfamiliar people, most probably underclassmen that you had no interest in, you walk around the old campus, all the places still the same to you. 

You smile when your eyes fall upon the building where your shared art class with renjun was, the best memories spent together coming back. But what you didn’t expect was to catch onto a pair of very familiar and recognizable eyes. 

Ones that locked immediately onto yours. 

You can’t resist breaking out into a wide smile from cheek to cheek, hand raising up in a greeting. 

Renjun can’t help but break into an elated grin, stopping in his tracks. 

Even when he was more than 10 feet away- with what seemed like a hundred other students passing in between, it felt like there was nothing in between you anymore, nothing blocking your path to each other. Sure it’s been two years, but it doesn’t feel like anything’s changed. 

He lifts his arm, grip tightening on his bag as he returns a wave with his other hand. 

And it truly hits him. You’re here, you’re back, and you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

You found your way back home.

a/n- aaa here’s the first installment to the 200 special! thank you to anyone waiting for being patient <3

taglist: @skrtbabe @bluejaem​ 

send an ask/dm to be added to the taglist !

[storiesforallfandoms]

pushing buttons ~ eminem

word count: 1912

request?: yes!

@thatonegirlthatlikesthings “Hi me again I literally love your writing so much omg I was wondering if you could once again indulge my Eminem obsession cuz my baby don’t get enough love🥺🥺 I was thinking like a angst/fluff where MGK tries to hit on the reader even though he’s with Meg Fox now and Em loses it and dr Dre and Paul try to call him down but it doesn’t really work and the reader has to chill him out. I love you I love your writing and I love you bye!🥰☺️❤️❤️”

description: in which his enemy tries to push his buttons by flirting with his girl

pairing: eminem x female!reader

warning: swearing

masterlist

“What the fuck is that prick doing here?”

Marshall glared at the tall blonde standing across the room with his arm around a familiar actress. It was the night of his launch party for his new album, and he thought it was just supposed to be personal friends of his as well as his friends from the industry. However, a few others from the industry had arrived as well, including the infamous Machine Gun Kelly.

“Paul invited him,” Marshall’s girlfriend, (Y/N) responded. “Said you two should try and squash the beef. Fans are getting tired of it.”

“Squashing the beef and becoming friends with the enemy are two totally different things,” Marshall hissed.

“You don’t have to be friends,” (Y/N) told him. “Just...shake his hand, look friendly for the pictures, end the beef.”

Marshall rolled his eyes as (Y/N) wrapped an arm around his waist and gave him a slight squeeze. “I know, I tried to tell Paul he should run this past you first. But him and MGK’s manager think it’s best for both of you to end the beef. He wants to move on with his new punk pop genre, you should move on too considering the fact that you absolutely destroyed him.”

She lowered her voice to a whisper for that last part, causing Marshall to smirk.

“This is gonna push me to drink,” he muttered as he noticed Kells approaching him.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” (Y/N) hissed. “If you break your sobriety, I will be your worst nightmare.”

Marshall smiled at her before dropping it to glare at Kells.

“Hey man,” Kells started. “Listen, thanks for the invitation. I know things have been rocky between us, but I hope you know I never meant any harm by my tweet about Hailie, and I still view you as a massive inspiration to me. I just thought...maybe I’d get more recognition with the diss, and it worked. It just sort of fucked up my rap career in the process.”

(Y/N) gave Marshall a quick look before sipping on the drink she had in her hand. They were both shocked by such a mature response from Kells, especially after the stuff Kells said about Marshall following the drop of Not Alike and Killshot.

She was watching her boyfriend expectantly as he processed what had been said to him. He glanced back at (Y/N) finally before saying, “No hard feelings, man. Tensions ran high, we both said some shit, I think it’s time we get past it.”

Kells smiled and offered a hand to Marshall. Although reluctant at first, Marshall took it and shook his hand. Kells soon left and went back to his girlfriend, knowing not to overstay his welcome.

“Was that so hard?” (Y/N) asked. “At least he’s being mature about it, too.”

“A little too mature,” Marshall said.

“Stop it, you just don’t like him. Let’s get a non-alcoholic beverage.”

~~~~~~

As the night continued, Marshall was pulled from (Y/N) as people kept coming and congratulating him on the album. She wasn’t too shocked, it was a normal occurrence. Luckily enough, she had come to know most of the people at the party through Marshall, so it wasn’t like she was awkwardly standing around for any amount of time.

She was at the snack table when a tall stature came to stand next to her.

“You lost your boyfriend, huh?’

(Y/N) looked up to see Kells stood next to her, a friendly smile on her face.

Despite the feud between the two, (Y/N) never had any sort of opinion on Kells. She hadn’t listened to his music - besides that one song with Camilla Cabello that blew up - and she didn’t want to form an opinion based on a beef she wasn’t even a part of. So, him standing next to her didn’t make her as angry as it had made Marshall earlier. Instead, she smiled back at him.

“Yeah,” she said. “Nothing new of course. Everyone congratulating him on the album and whatnot.”

“Seems like a lot of people just trying to kiss his ass.”

(Y/N) shrugged. “That may be true in some cases. Most of the people here who have already worked with him and known him for so long know better against that. Maybe it’s because they’ve already worked with him though, who knows. Where’s Megan?”

Kells gestured aimlessly into the crowd. “Also pulled away from me. Talking to...someone I guess.”

He didn’t sound too concerned over it, although maybe it was just the same situation (Y/N) was in. Megan was pretty popular as an actress, this was probably nothing new for Kells either.

“So, how did you and Em meet?” he asked, offering her one of the two red cups he had in his hand. (Y/N) didn’t think much of it at first. She figured he had probably gotten a drink for Megan then realized he had lost her in the crowd.

“We met through a mutual friend, actually. One from back in Detroit,” she explained. “I knew who Marshall was, obviously, but I was never really a hip hop fan. We got to talking and before I knew it, he was asking me out on a date. We were official within a month, and we’ve been together ever since. That was like...three years ago now, I think.”

She took a sip from the drink Kells had given her and cringed at the strong taste of alcohol in the cup. Noticing this, Kells asked, “Too strong?”

“Just not used to alcohol,” she explained. “I’ve mostly given it up in solidarity with Marshall. I’m proud of his sobriety, even if I’ve only been here for the tail end of it.”

“That’s lame,” Kells scoffed. “The old man shouldn’t hold you back from doing some fun shit.”

The tone of his voice plus the subtle diss caused a slight feeling of annoyance in her, but she pushed it down. Be the bigger person, she had been telling Marshall all night. She couldn’t go against that.

“He’s not holding me back from anything,” she responded. “I chose to do it. I just know it sucks to have to be sober when everyone around you is drunk or high. I want to be that one person he can confide in in those situations, you know?”

“You’re too good for him, man,” Kells said. “For real, you have a heart of gold and the body of a smoke show. You shouldn’t be wasting it all on that fucker. You should be getting with a real man.”

(Y/N) shuffled uncomfortably, now putting her cup down on the snack table. “I’m perfectly happy with Marshall, thank you. Besides, you have a girlfriend. One who is literally at this very party right now.”

He waved off the comment, as if it weren’t a real concern. (Y/N) looked around the room, desperate to find someone she knew who could save her from that situation.

Across the room, Marshall was glaring daggers into the back of Kells’ head. He could see the uncomfortable look on (Y/N)’s face, and saw the drink she had just discarded on the table. He knew something was happening, something he didn’t like.

“Why the fuck did you invite him?” he asked Paul. “Why didn’t you warn me first?”

“It needed to be an authentic meet up to end the beef,” Paul responded. “After tonight you won’t see or hear from him ever again.”

“You bet I won’t, because I’ll have him six feet under the fucking ground if he doesn’t get away from (Y/N).”

Paul looked over at the two. His face grew concerned upon seeing (Y/N)’s. “It can’t be anything too serious. He’s here with Megan, remember?”

“Do you see Megan anywhere around here, Paul?” Marshall asked.

He was so furious you could almost see the cartoon smoke coming from his ears. He was clutching his plastic cup so hard that it would’ve shattered into a million pieces if it was glass. It dropped from his hand suddenly when he saw Kells grab (Y/N)’s waist, trying to pull her closer to him. Both Paul and Dre had to grab him to stop him from going over and beating the shit out of Kells right then and there.

“Calm down, man,” Dre told him.

“He’s fucking touching her, Dre!” Marshall snapped. “She’s obviously uncomfortable, let me go over there and beat the shit out of him!”

“Not here,” Paul said. “Not in front of all these people. Go over and get her - peacefully - then you guys can just leave. This was a stupid idea from me.”

“Really fucking stupid,” Marshall hissed as he pulled away from the two. He tried to keep his anger at bay as he went over and wrapped an arm around (Y/N), effectively pulling her from Kells’ grasp. “Come on, babe, let’s go home.”

“What’s wrong, Marshall? Don’t like another man talking to your girl?” Kells challenged.

“I don’t like other men grabbing my girl when she’s obviously uncomfortable, no,” Marshall responded.

“Sounds a little insecure to me. Maybe you should work on that, man. You’ll be able to keep up with this absolute bombshell when you’re not so over jealous of her.”

Marshall’s grip on (Y/N)’s waist tightened. She tried to calm him down, but it was obvious he was past the point of no return.

“Fuck you,” he snapped. “Man, I don’t know what your fucking problem is, but you’re the one who started all of this shit. Now you’re coming here, to my launch party, trying to flirt with my girl, and now you’re insulting me?! Must be a sad existence you live, Kelly, when you can’t even be happy with your own success.  You have to keep trashing on someone else who’s doing much better than you.”

Kells’ cheeks were tinted pink with anger as he glared at the two of them.

“I suggest going to find your girlfriend while you still have one,” (Y/N) told him. “Because I will be telling her about this whole...incident between us.”

Before any other words could be said, Marshall took (Y/N) and guided her out of the building. When they got to the car, he sat in the driver’s seat for just a second, trying to make himself calm down.

“I should go back in there and fucking kill him,” he said, more to himself than to (Y/N).

“No you shouldn’t,” she told him. “He was just trying to push your buttons. He seems very happy with Megan, and there were so many other girls at that party he could’ve flirted with if he just wanted to be a scumbag. He only chose me because he knew it would get to you.”

She reached over and put a hand over one of Marshall’s that was clutching the steering wheel. On contact, he loosened his grip and realized how much his hands hurt from holding the wheel too tightly.

“Whatever his intentions were, they don’t matter,” she assured him. “I love you, Marshall, and only you. No other asshole will ever come in and swoop me away from you.”

He chuckled at her slight insult, their own way of flirting with one another. He leaned across and kissed her gently on the lips before finally starting the car.

“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

[gardenergulfie]

Emptober Day 4: Ribbon

Rating: G

Word Count: 2539

Relationships: Jimmy | Solidarity/Scott | Smajor1995 | Dangthatsalongname

Characters: Scott | Smajor1995 | Dangthatsalongname, Jimmy | Solidarity

Tags:Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Red String of Fate, Pre-Canon, Post-Canon, Past Lives, Alternate Universe - Empires SMP Setting (Video Blogging RPF), Friends to Lovers, Childhood Friends, Bickering, Flower Husbands, Emptober, Seablings, 

Everything was normal with it until the day he met the other rulers. It was a political meeting of nations, the first time all of them would all be together in years. Rivendell was hosting it and it would be Jimmy’s first time out of the kingdom. Jimmy and Lizzie were representing the Ocean Empire as heirs but they were allowed to meet and greet with whoever they wanted. Lizzie quickly ran off, introducing herself to the Mezalean prince and leaving Jimmy to flounder alone. He gripped the ribbon between his fingers nervously but took a deep breath and approached the first person he could see. That person was a winged elf with blue hair and a very aloof expression.

Emptober Day 4: Ribbon

--

AO3 Link

Fic below the cut

Jimmy was a pretty normal guy. I mean he was the leader of an empire but compared to the other leaders and even his own citizens he was normal, maybe even average. Just a pretty basic dude. But Jimmy had something, a part of him, that was very not normal. It was a ribbon tied around his left wrist. It was green and blue with a design of red flowers that Jimmy had never seen before. The ribbon had one end constantly trailing out of sight. It had been there for as long as he could remember and strangely enough, seemingly no-one else could see it.

When Jimmy was little he tried out some tests with the ribbon. He found out that he couldn’t tangle it, he couldn’t trip people with it, he couldn’t hang things on it, it didn’t interact with water like most fabrics did, it was just intangible to anyone or anything but Jimmy. He’d told his sister Lizzie about it but she didn’t have one and she couldn’t see or feel it. He’d even gone to the local library to do research on it which did make the bookkeeper give him a strange look, he’d never been one for academics before but he just needed to know. He found nothing but some sappy love stories about people with invisible red strings of fate that connected them to their one true love. Jimmy didn’t really believe these stories, besides he had a ribbon not a string.

Once or twice in his life Jimmy had felt a tug on the ribbon. It felt like a person on the other end of it had pulled on it. Was there someone also connected to him? Were those stories about strings of fate true? Jimmy followed the ribbon for a long time, only stopping when he realized that he was at the edge of the kingdom. If there was a person on the other end, they weren’t from his home empire.

For a while that was it. Nothing new could be found out about the ribbon and so Jimmy resigned himself to it just being a mystery forever. On the plus side, he didn’t really mind it that much. It didn’t hurt him or get stuck on anything which was nice and it was a nice texture. Sometimes when he was anxious or just restless he would twist it between his fingers and fidget with it. He got some strange looks, fidgeting with nothing, but it wasn’t that weird so no-one really questioned him.

Everything was normal with it until the day he met the other rulers. It was a political meeting of nations, the first time all of them would all be together in years. Rivendell was hosting it and it would be Jimmy’s first time out of the kingdom. Jimmy and Lizzie were representing the Ocean Empire as heirs but they were allowed to meet and greet with whoever they wanted. Lizzie quickly ran off, introducing herself to the Mezalean prince and leaving Jimmy to flounder alone. He gripped the ribbon between his fingers nervously but took a deep breath and approached the first person he could see. That person was a winged elf with blue hair and a very aloof expression.

“Hello! I’m Jimmy Solidarity of the Ocean Empire!” He said to the elf, his voice coming out louder than he intended from nerves. He winced as the elf turned to him with a mildly peeved expression.

“Scott Smajor, heir of Rivendell.” The elf said coldly. He assessed Jimmy lazily but his eyes stopped on Jimmy’s left hand, the one holding the ribbon. His cold mask dropped and Jimmy could see an expression of shock and mild intrigue before it went back up. “I’ve never spoken to a citizen of the ocean empire. Are you all this small? It's kinda cute” Jimmy bristled a bit at the insult? Flirt? He couldn’t tell but he knew enough to be offended.

“Not all of us can be as tall as elves. I am quite a normal height! And I’m not cute.” Jimmy snapped back. Scott looked briefly surprised at his retort but then smirked.

“Not cute you say? That adorable pout on your face says otherwise.” Scott says, lifting his hand to gesture at Jimmy’s expression. A hand that had a blue green and red flower patterned ribbon tied around it. The same ribbon that existed around Jimmy’s hand. Jimmy’s eyes widened and he looked at his own ribbon. Sure enough, they were connected. So there was a person on the other end of it and Jimmy had found them. But Scott? Really? This ribbon better not be one of those soul things, he does not want to be bonded to that rude elf.

Jimmy realized that he should probably respond to Scott. He’s been standing silently for about a minute now and Scott was surly waiting for him to say something.

“I wasn’t pouting! I was upset at being called cute. Not everyone likes random strangers calling them cute, you know.” Jimmy says back. Scott looks thoughtful.

“I don’t know. If a pretty boy like you walked up to me and called me cute, I don’t think I’d be complaining.” The elf says back. Jimmy sputters as he tries to think of a response. He really wasn’t someone who got flirted with often, even as a joke, and it was very disarming.

“Well I’m not you so I care.” He says back with his face bright red. He knew it wasn’t the best comeback and from Scott’s smug expression he could tell it hadn’t hit the mark he was aiming for.

“Right sure.” Scott says with an eye roll. “This conversation’s being nowhere and I already won it so why don’t we talk about something else. I could take you on a tour? I don’t think you fishfolk get the chance to see elven architecture often.” Jimmy once again bristled at Scott’s mild insult but agreed to the tour. Scott led Jimmy away from the front hall and outside into Rivendell proper. Jimmy wouldn’t admit it but Scott was a pretty good tour guide, he knew a lot about the kingdom’s history and culture and was good at talking about it, even if he still flirted and insulted Jimmy quite often. Scott showed Jimmy the sheep pens, the owl roost, and apiary, all places that Jimmy had only seen glimpses of during the trip here.

In the apiary Jimmy saw something. A red flower, identical to the ones on his ribbon. He called Scott over, asking what kind of flower that was. Scott glanced over and when he saw the red flower Jimmy was talking about he briefly touched the ribbon tied to his own hand before answering.

“Its a poppy. They’re a common flower and grow in most places. You haven’t seen one before?” The elf asked. Jimmy shook his head.

“I don’t think they grow in the swamps. I would have remembered seeing a flower this red before.” Jimmy gently touched a petal of the flower. It was beautiful and it made Jimmy feel…. weirdly bittersweet? It was just a flower. Why did Jimmy feel like crying then? He blinked away the tears that were forming and backed away from the flower. Scott was giving him an odd searching look.

“It's my favorite kind of flower.” Scott said at last. “I always make sure there’s at least one in the apiary at all times.” Jimmy was surprised at this personal info that Scott was just telling him. Scott hadn’t talked much about himself, mostly speaking about the elves and their great kingdom. Him just dropping this strange piece of personal information seems out of pace and it made Jimmy wonder why he did it. The elf was still looking at him, waiting for Jimmy to say something in return.

“It really is lovely.” Jimmy responded. “Does it have any special meanings?” Jimmy had heard of flowers having special meaning attached to them though he hadn’t learned much about them. Lizzie had but not him.

“Sleep, peace, and death are what the poppy represents.” Scott says, unconsciously tugging on the ribbon. Jimmy felt that tug, just more proof that they were connected. Sleep, peace, and death were strange meanings for the flowers on his ribbon. Maybe the type of flower didn’t mean anything but it's a magic ribbon so that was unlikely. Jimmy was hoping that his flowers meant peace or maybe sleep, death was something he’d really not want to be tied with.

Scott had been looking more and more nervous the more Jimmy thought. The elf was trying to hide it but the fluttering of his wings and shuffling of his feet gave him away. Jimmy was about to ask him about the problem when a loud gong rang across the city.

“That's the feast bell. They’re about to start dinner.” Scott says, moving towards the door to the apiary. “We need to go quickly so we’re not late.” Jimmy let the topic of Scott’s anxiety around him drop and the two rushed towards the main hall. They were separated in the crowd when they got there, Jimmy being reunited with Lizzie who asked him where he was and introduced him to her new friend Joel. Jimmy didn’t see Scott for the rest of the night, only briefly catching a glimpse of him when it was time for him to leave.

Jimmy met Scott quite a few times over the course of many years, the two becoming rulers of their own nations, Scott in Rivendell and Jimmy in the newly formed Cod Empire. They maintained a similar relationship as they had when they were young, Scott teasing and flirting with Jimmy and Jimmy getting flustered and firing back with his own bad insults. Neither of them brought up the topic of the ribbon though Jimmy was pretty sure that Scott knew at this point. The many glances at Jimmy’s left wrist was a pretty big clue to that.

Years past, Jimmy and Scott were still leading their empires and occasionally bickering with each other. The demon plagued them for a bit and in that time they became allies in a very strange way, Scott taking Jimmy on a date. The many poppies around the date place was a nice reference to the ribbon and a knowing look from Jimmy let Scott know he knew what was up. It took a couple more suggested dates for Jimmy to realize that the date wasn’t one of Scott’s normal flirts but that Scott was actually interested in him. The two took it slow, going on quite a few more dates before they were ready to speak of the ribbon out-loud.

Jimmy remembered it as a chilly evening, the two of them drinking warm tea inside of Jimmy’s house. Scott had made the excuse of it being too cold back home and that the swamp was just much warmer but Jimmy knew the elf at this point to know that Scott wanted to spend time with him. They had done some baking following a simple recipe that somehow they still managed to mess up and then salvage at the last minute. Now with a mug of tea in hand and slightly burnt cookies on a plate in front of him, Jimmy was feeling brave. He tugged on the ribbon once then twice when Scott didn’t look over from his cup of tea. The second tug caught the elf’s attention and he looked down at the ribbon resting beside them both.

“I think at this point we both know about the existence of this,” Jimmy waved his own end of the ribbon, “and the fact that it connects them. I don’t know about you but we’ve been dating for a bit. We might as well talk about it.” Scott blinked in surprise at the question coming from seemingly nowhere but nodded at set down his drink.

“I was wondering when one of us was going to be brave enough to bring up the soul ribbon.” Scott said. “I’d have thought you would have blurted the question out way before now.” Scott teased with a small smirk. Jimmy let the insult flirt fly over his head, mostly focused on the words soul ribbon.

“Wait, the soul ribbon is like a string of fate? The stuff from those love stories?” Jimmy asked. Scott looked confused at the question.

“Wait, you mean you don’t know about soul ribbons? They’re real and way more than just stories. We’re kind of living proof of that.” Scott said. Jimmy leaned back in his chair a bit more.

“The only information I found about anything similar to the ribbon was stories about red strings of fate that connect people destined to be together. They were just fiction I thought but you’re saying that it’s really real. We’re soulmates?” Jimmy asks.

“Soul ribbons are a bit more complicated than just the idea of fated couples. They’re broken promises from a past life. When two people promise to stay together but something happens where they promise is broken, the universe will step in and give them another chance. Hence, the soul ribbon.” Scott explains. “The pattern of the ribbon normally has some kind of meaning relating to the past life. Soul ribbons can’t really be studied but there have been enough cases that people are now pretty sure of their meaning.”

“So in another life, we made a promise to each other but it got broken? And poppies were important to us?” Jimmy questioned. “Well that explains why I feel so happy and sad at the same time when I see a poppy. Past life emotions, huh.” Scott reached out and took a cookie with one hand and Jimmy's own hand with another.

“I understand if this is a lot to take in.” Scott bit his lip, looking anxious. “Again, the soul ribbon doesn’t mean that we have to be together. It’s just the universe giving us a second chance. So if this is too much for you we don’t have to keep dating-“

“What? Scott no. I don’t want to stop dating. It’s strange, yeah, but I mean I already knew we were connected. This doesn’t have to change anything for us! I’m happy to know how we’re connected, this solves a mystery I’ve always been wondering about. I mean, better lovers in a past life than fated enemies in this one.” Jimmy said passionately, laughing a bit at his own joke at the end. Scott’s face brightened up and he smiled back at Jimmy.

“Was that one of your theories? Fated enemies?” Scott chuckled as he took a bite of his cookie. Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck bashfully with his free hand.

“I mean we were always bickering. It wasn’t too strange of an idea.” Jimmy defended himself.

The two of them continued to talk for quite a few more hours before they eventually fell asleep together, bundled up under a quilt. Their hands were intertwined, the two ends of the ribbons brushing against each other. The universe looked down at these second chance souls and felt pride. They really had found each other again.

[thewistlingbadger]

The flash (cw) is queer.

I made an essay about the monsters inc franchise being gay and i really enjoyed doing that so as i was watching season 7 of the flash, I've decided shit's kinda queer. Minor spoilers for the show. I won't really go into detail about the plot and character arch's I'm just going off of their energy :)))

Let's start with Frost

Frost is a lesbian. 1, she definitely has the most style out of everyone. You see those bracelets?? She's constantly wearing a bunch of a necklaces and rings... Her hair is sliver and she's constantly got makeup on y'all. She's sarcastic, very much dry humor. Hell, even her hero outfit consists of leather. SHE DOES ART! She didn't want to share bodies with Caitlyn after they split, WHY? BECAUSE SHE KNEW CAITLYN WASN'T GONNA BE OK WITH HER GETTING IT ON BC THEY SHARE A BODY AND CAITLYN'S NOT REALLY DOWN WITH THAT! Not to mention that she chose her own name...trans femme vibes AND the fact that she's always been a part of Caitlyn and she had to hide her experience for literal decades. 💅

Moving on to the next lesbian, Allegra

A jacket wearer, like frost, she's also sarcastic and another thing that she has in common with Frost is that she was introduced as a villain then eased to anti hero then just normal hero. She had a hard time with her powers. She probably uses she/they pronouns. Also just her relationship with nash was like Jim Hawkins and silver from treasure planet.

Nora West-Allen!

Is a bisexual. She's a speedster like her dad but her color is PURPLE??? and as we all know, purple is the queerest color out there! Purple is in a lot of pride flags, including the bi flag. She's got leather, she's got the bob, she's even got the mommy issues! Does it get more queer than that? And if i remember correctly, she has a female roommate? AND THEY WERE ROOMMATE'S????

Jesse Quick

Lesbian.

Wally West

His actor is queer and that's enough for me. Pretty sure he had daddy issues, his color is yellow and what flags have yellow? THE PANSEXUAL AND NONBINARY FLAG! I REST MY CASE! Also, he was besties with Jesse you gotta love that queer solidarity

Ralph Dibny

What??? A tall quirky white man??? Yeah big shocker he's a whole ass fruit roll up HE'S THE ELONGATED MAN! HIS POWER WAS LITERALLY THE ABILITY TO STRETCH! He got along well with basically everyone and he loves a good mystery

Cisco Ramon

Now, based off the picture alone, i don't need to explain myself. But i will. He's smart, he's funny, he's geeky, everything you could hope for in your local gay man. He's also got style, and some trust issues. Over the course of the show, he's had like 2 girlfriends but one of them was DEFINITELY pegging him plus it was low-key toxic and his current gf is super nice and wholesome, but also gives off sapphic vibes. Speaking of vibes, his superhero name is literally vibe. What's gayer than that. And god his hair!? It's looked so good after all these years. Plus, his friendship with chester p runk?? They're more than friends for sure

Iris west

GIRLBOSS! She started her own new report thing idk what the proper term is. She's a badass, she quite simply too fine to be cishet. Her outfits are ALWAYS on point she's CONSTANTLY wearing trench coats and every other season she cuts off all her hair which is just, super queer. If you look up pictures of her her fucking STANCE. girl please she's a queer icon

Barry Allen

I don't know what it is about him, but asexual. Maybe aro. Because he's only ever shown interest in iris and they've been best friends since childhood (which is gay in itself) but also she's just like one of those people were you're like "if i can make it work i can totally make it work with her"

[dirtyrottenraskel]

my take on yueki's personalities

yue 

notes / personality

cocky (but also like understated confidence - r e g a l af) 

kind of a nerd

maybe a little entitled, and a little bratty and suki loves to indulge her or to rile her up depending on her mood

books

seems soft but made of steel

strong sense of duty

socially intelligent - can be manipulative and suki (the dork) thinks it is so hot 

aloof queen bee typa beat

supportive, both in ur day to day and in going after your big moral life goals 

deep water - steady and powerful, often underestimated

untold depths, private yet surprisingly nurturing - master of deflecting away from herself

political nerd - well read, and when she has someone she trusts not to take advantage of her, she goes OFF 

distrusting of most people, has been used and ignored and underestimated her whole life

patient - homegirl knows how to play the long game

excellent at pai sho / chess 

she and suki have epic battles of wits - dif types of strategy but both are really into it and get a little too competitive (multiple board games have had to be replaced over the years)

loves travel bc wasn’t allowed to much, esp when she was sick 

was super repressed growing up - never let her be herself or really have any sort of independence

used to sneak out and wander around in rebellion and casually sabotage plans and decisions she didn’t agree with 

introverted, many opinions but keeps them to herself, discreet but well spoken

weaponizes secrets and information - doesn’t often use it but...she could

definitlyyyyy worries and overthinks and re-evaluates - worries ab social politics a lot

obsessive about picking things - wants it to be perfect

shes growing into her confidence as a leader

prefers quite intimate places

incredibly romantic

classic lit

planner for the future - visionary

kind / sweet / gentle - yes, but that’s also her “front” to a degree (seriously, i feel like she gets painted as so sweet and submissive and one dimensional by the fandom a lot of times and it freakin kills me)

INFJ-T (The Advocate) ((yes this is from 16p which i know is not super accurate but u can still catch her overall vibes from it ya know)

Creative/insightful/principled/compassionate/altruistic

sensitive/reluctant to open up/perfectionist/prone to burnout/not a fan of the ordinary

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - puppy love crushes, laugh ab it now, get into deep late night talks about responsibilities and leading, water tribe culture, prank wars (no one believes sokka when he says yue is a mean prank master (expect suki comes to see it in action lol))

katara - <> badass women friendship, totally would go to matches and protests together, tough girl shit, waterbending practice/duels - start of cautious, but then get rough in a good way bc they trust each other, they do water tribe food adventures together

toph - indulges her chaos, bonding over stupid royal upbringings, odd yet weirdly endearing pair

zuko - both sort of standoffish gay royals, but once they come to see that they are friends - take up similar spaces though, so only hang out in a group or rarely by themselves, they do hang out at like political parties and stuff when they get more comfortable together

aang - <> he has an impressive world view, yue is super studied and well read, so she and aang nerd out over past cultures together, and also their peace keeping nature, they have tea together often - usually after she and katara wipe the floor w/ each other

clothing / aesthetic:

blues and pale colors

classy and understated wealth

like those cute feminine button down shirts

dresses

like cold weather classy

complicated braids

sort of soft girl aesthetic?

pleated skirts !!!

i feel like she would wear ethically sourced fur (i don’t wear fur but idk how to get it in an ethical way - maybe it’s just fake??)

knit sweaters and skinny jeans and heeled ankle boots

light academia !!!

hella funky earrings - to mark her native pride and also cuz gay

from my readings, tattoos have a lot of cultural significance for Inuit women, and so i feel like yue would totally have some (when she comes of age ofc) 

suki

notes / personality 

extroverted 

also very strategic 

more spontaneous tho - will totally calculate the odds in a spilt second in her head and then just go for it

like still a careful planner, but willing to say fuck it, yolo if it seems right 

reflects on her mistakes, but more in like a healthy way - unless it was a leadership mistake, then it eats her up inside - worries more ab keeping her girls safe and making the right call

likes lively places

total bashful romantic

manages the present and the short term - realist

loves to do lists 

a little punch happy - loves to make violent threats, but also does it out of excitement and she’s just a really physical person tbh

steady, can come off as stubborn and abrasive but she really just wants what’s best for everyone she loves

harsh on herself and worries about her girls a lot 

always ends up in the oddest situations 

totally would kick someone’s ass for being racist/sexist/homophobic/etc 

dedicated to her training and her regime 

not a great cook, but she can manage 

would drink monsters 

has a weird relationship with femininity - took her awhile to reconcile strength and toughness and being assertive and aggressive with also wanting to feel pretty and feminine and embracing being a girl and how those things can coincide and amplify each other

abandonment issues - parents absent/dead 

was imprisoned - obvi she had several almost successful escape attempts, but she got really close to breaking 

was incredibly independent really early, grew up really fast and tries to make up for that now by sometimes being reckless 

tough/assertive/woman of action 

dry sense of humor/sarcastic - not good at nickname/pun humor tho

practical/dedicated/strong-willed/direct/honest/reliable/loyal/patient

stubborn/judgmental/difficult to relax/difficulty expressing emotions/too selfless 

friendships / relationships

(<> indicates that they’re one of her best friends)

sokka - <>  man they’re like platonic soulmates - she beat him up, and now they spar all the time, totally funny and crack jokes all the time, go skating together, they do shitty art together, and then show their lovers after zuko and yue come back from their high society mixers, broke her out of prison, m/f friendship !!! 

katara - also sparring buddies (suki will throw down at any literally moment (and tbh so will katara)), not close but will hang in a group - go to each other for advice 

toph - <> listen these two wreak havoc together, they help each other out a lot, i feel like they’re shopping buddies (similar enough style to frequent the same shops) toph knows suki won’t judge her for wanting to feel pretty and suki knows toph will be honest, they are both blunt sarcastic assholes and get along like a house on fire 

zuko - <> shows zuko how to like,,,enjoy things (and how to let go of some of that pressure to be always right and the adult and in charge bc they were raised with so much responsibility on their shoulders even tho they were just kids)? she is also super protective of him (once she trusts him), one of the only ppl who can match suki fully in hand to hand combat, both do the Disappointed Parent Look when the group falls into chaos, but by themselves, the two of them end up in hijinks

aang- suki enjoys his optimism and they’re just chill bros, they love exploring abandoned placed together 

clothing / aesthetic

sporty and skater mixed 

ripped jeans, crewnecks, vans 

green and yellow and dark red 

gym clothes/athleisure - lifting style gym clothes - cut off t-shirts and bike shorts

skirts too, likes to play into femininity

she’s a gold jewelry kinda girl - but stuff that won’t hinder her movements 

necklaces that end in the hollow of her throat & occasionally rings

definitely cuffs all of her jeans (it’s just bisexual culture ya know)

so many crop tops - some came like that, some were more of a diy project

yueki’s relationship!!!

nerd/jock solidarity 

feel the burden of responsibility and the weight on their shoulders 

they create a safe space between them, full of trust and warmth and vulnerability 

yue will read suki sappy passages from poetry books while suki polishes her fans 

they slow dance in the kitchen a lot 

they get good at ordering takeout - and they have some weird decision making process that only they understand - bc neither of them are great cooks 

yue would feel jealous of suki and sokka, if it weren’t for how stupid in love sokka was with zuko and yue can see that suki really only has eyes for her 

yue is taller than suki and it amuses her to no end to pick suki up and carry her away from a fight (we all know suki could get away if she wanted to, but when ur hot tall sexy gf throws u over her shoulder,,,,,,u don’t complain)

joke they’ve adopted kataang and zukka, bc they’re all dummies, but in reality every last one of them is stupid LMAO 

they love to do each other’s hair and it’s like super intimate and really cute 

sometimes it’s these epic elaborate hairstyles and then at other times, they try to see how many ponytails they can fit on suki’s head and how many little braid yue can do 

they travel EVERYWHERE 

since yue is royalty and suki is her body guard,,,, well i mean, they totally have to see these kingdoms they are doing trade deals with in person 

it helps that they're friends with a lot of them 

they stay over in everything from camping so they can stargaze to ritzy hotels with hot tubs in the bathroom 

yue gives suki rocks she finds on all their travels and suki lines them up on their mantle around the pictures of them in increasingly weird locations 

suki loves guarding yue’s meetings bc she gets to watch her absolutely rip a new one into misogynistic old men and it never fails to bring her joy 

While yue doesn’t love getting attacked, the ruthless efficiency suki defends her with is like,,,,,stupid attractive 

[6knotty6thotty6]

So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck: 

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion. 

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered,  was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it. 

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it." 

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got. 

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it. 

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat. 

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes. 

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not. 

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled. 

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway. 

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you? 

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late! 

[elvish-sky]

You are 6"3???? What is your secret I'm begging you

I am an embarrassing 5"2 at 20 years, and the only girl in my group of very tall friends 😭. This is why Gimli is the most relatable character in the fellowship.

My secret... tall parents? Genetics? I don’t drink coffee? My mom is 5’11 and dad is 6’2 (yes. I’m taller than my own father. I’m 15) I also have an uncle who’s 6’10!!

I feel for you with the height difference with your friends- I’ve always been much taller than anyone in my friend group, girl or guy (although my best friend is almost my height and he’s supposed to be 6’5 so very excited for that) so it’s the opposite but same 😭 here’s to big height difference solidarity!!!

And as for relatable fellowship members- it’s got to be Gandalf for me because of the Bag End ceiling beam! Although Aragorn is canonically like 6’6 so I have him too.

Oh also there’s an Aragorn headcanon going around rn about his height and growth spurts with is the most relatable thing ever.

Most relatable character is Maedhros who’s like 8 feet tall...

Also I love commiserating with people, short or tall, about height, so like feel free to jump in whenever.

[autisticburnham]

Past Tense Parts 1 & 2

Boy, rewatching this in 2020's gonna probably be a fucking trip

Trill has purple seas and Bajor has green ones???

They really named a Ferengi Belongo, huh?

Quark looks so fucking floored that Ben knows the Rules of Acquisition

Christ, forgot the cops wake Benjamin by pushing a gun into his shoulder

The dude thinks Ben and Julian are wearing matching pajamas. He thinks they're a couple

Business Man really almost walks past Jadzia

I know literally everyone who reviews this episode comments on this, but definitely not a coincidence that the men of color immediately get arrested while the white woman gets whisked away into some high class fantasy

2020 does definitely highlight how crowded and underfunded the sanctuary districts are, not to mention the fact that I seriously doubt they get any medical care, just how quickly disease could kill all these people and how little anyone would care

Business Man, you're white as fuck, you having a Maori tattoo isn't impressive, it's gross

Discount? I wish I could say government databases charging government employees for running searches and giving them ads was surprising

This guy sitting next to Ben is so sad he won't let him draw on him

Welcome to beurceacy, Julian

Christ, the cop is so condescending

Uncle, doesn't this Gabriel Bell hu-man look exactly like Captain Sisko?

Oh, Benjamin, I wish riots did start a watershed moment in history

I like to think that more than Benjamin being a history buff, Bell is one of his personal heroes

"Benjamin "power stance" Sisko triple dog darring this dmv worker to call them out for writing their birthdays 300 years in the future" @jvlianbashir 's post lives in my mind rent free

Gross that this lady is like "oh, you're not mentally ill? Well, then, I'm so sorry for not treating you like people"

"It's not that they don't give a damn, they've just given up. The social problems they face seem too enormous to deal with" that may be sharply resonant with the average person, Ben, but it's starkly clear that the people in power do genuinely not give a damn

You know what? I'm actually thrilled that disco is exploring exactly Julian's question as to whether or not humanity has really changed and how the Federation would react to a devastating crisis. Like, I know that that's ds9's whole theme as well, but it's going to be so fucking nice to have a hopeful Star Trek message about the future during this fucking year

Love Julian immediately trying to throw hands with Hat Man for beating someone up

I feel like there's a not so subtle element of racist assholery to Hat Man sarcastically asking "Oh, have we done something to offend you?" abt beating the dude up

Julian, you are too tall to sleep width wise in this alley

Controversial opinion, but Julian's homeless trash is the best outfit he wears

The sanctuary districts existing at all is disgusting, but the fact that there are babies here is horrific

Hell, yeah, dude! Class solidarity!

Christ, the hard cut from the sanctuary district to the business party isn't subtle at all

Those protests in France are undoubtedly a good thing, Business Lady

Granted, I'm white, so I could totally be out of line here, but I actually like that two of the Business People are poc, and that they're just as much privileged assholes as the rest of the Business People. I feel like despite the implications of institutionalized racism with Ben and Julian immediately being arrested, this helps subtly showcase that a very large part of the problem is capitalism bc there's not solidarity between poc if that lack of solidarity can help some of them get rich

Love Julian's tos style double fist punch

Fucking gross that they know that the government killing thousands of sanctuary city districts residents will mean absolutely nothing if the government can "justify" it with the death of like 5 government employees

I love how charmed Miles is by Nerys wanting to yell at Starfleet

"Right now, this ship is all that's left of Starfleet" the disco writers really like this episode, huh?

Class Solidarity Guy's kid just said that this whole thing started bc a guard got in a fight with a dim. Of course it's the fucking cops that escalated the situation in the first place

Of course white ass Hat Man is just trying to personally benefit himself rather than help all of the people here and also has no problem escalating the violence

I don't like Hat Man, but I do like his line "Why do they sound so surprised? You treat people like animals, you're gonna get bit!"

Of course Business Man is friends with cops

I broke my nose...

The solution isn't to get everyone jobs, it's to make it so that having a job isn't a requirement to be treated like a human being

Cop, you're a huge part of the problem for so many fucking reasons, not the least of which is your being a class traitor

"In the interest of friendship," I'll allow 10,000 people to be fed

Ds9 is largely good abt criticizing capitalism, but I do dislike the "I don't want to rely on handouts! Give me the right to work myself to death"

Listen, I know DMV Lady is trapped in the capitalist system as much as anyone else and that if she tried to help more people, she'd probably end up in a sanctuary district herself, but. Her story about helping that one lady gives me Slitheen DoctorWho "I spare one person every now and then so that I can convince myself I'm a not a monster for murdering millions" vibes

I do fucking love her "Everybody tells themself that, and nothing ever changes" in response to Julian telling her it's not her fault tho

✌🌼

Well, their dad shouldn't have been a class traitor then, Bernardo

"Change takes time" "You've run out of time" Tell her, Ben!

Jadzia Dax, coming out of her sewer to shame mankind

Gross that Hat Man is coming on to Jadzia despite how uncomfortable she obviously is and doesn't stop until he realizes she's "with" Julian

Can you imagine if Jadzia had gotten hurt here? Imagine you're a doctor getting ready for surgery and you find a giant slug in a woman

Idk why, but "Invisible" Man gives me Neelix vibes

I do like how Julian and Jadzia work with the frame he understands and just ask him to give the combadge back. "Shockingly," treating him like he's a valid person makes him agreeable

Business Man, you're rich enough that breaking the law won't even mean shit for you

Christ. "The public are starting to view them as people! We have to kill them all now before it gets any worse!"

I like the cop making fun of Julian for liking tennis

Aw, I forgot Class Solidarity Guy died

Forget matching uniforms, Benjamin's actual pajamas are gay culture

"How could they have let things get so bad" 🙃

Groundbreaking, lifechanging, whatever the rest of that Lady Gaga quote is. 100/10

[normal-thoughts-official]

UWU I'm in the mood for some Raphael talk, I love the headcanon you've talked about in the chat about Raphael tolerating Alec only because he makes his dad happy (which is so damn valid of him), and it's one of my most fave things do you have more slightly silly headcanons about it?

you really want me to be beaten up huh may. you want them to come for me again. you want to ruin my life

okay disclaimer Alec stans pwease dont hate me uwu I'm not saying i hate Alec I'm saying that i dont think Raphael would vibe with him. especially after the whole punch which I'll never get over cuz like i KNOW rationally that alec didnt have the full story and if izzy was hurt and sitting beside a white shadowhunter he would go there and beat them up all the same cuz alec's like this, but I'm still upset eidndidjdid my boy doesnt deserve this okay

anyway with that being said

i dont think its Raphael like, genuinely hating him as much as them having nothing in common besides their mutual love for Magnus and desire to see him happy. so Raphael can tolerate him fine, but he's not exactly dying to be best friends. besides, alec's like, all of the most annoying things about shadowhunters (all serious, never fucking relaxes, must have a weapon close at all times, doesn't understand food, doesn't listen to music, doesnt-) that arent like straight up nazist bigotry. so hes just like. ugh. whatever. I'm here for Magnus. leave pls

i can absolutely see that tbh Raphael just goes to their house and is all like "Alec leave i want to talk to Magnus" and alec's like "this is my house?" and raphael's like "and?" and alec's like "Fine, ill take a walk. Magnus, Raphael is here." but he also kisses Magnus goodbye in front of Raphael because he can, in fact, be an ass

also i know i told u about that already but Raphael lowkey challenges him every time like. he'll come by Magnus' and bring food, and of course theres food for 3 because Raphael is not gonna be that rude and he doesn't want to make Magnus feel like Raphael wants him to choose between Raphael and Alec. Alec makes Magnus happy and Raphael would never want to make Magnus feel like his love or presence in his life is conditional. Plus, he doesn't actually hate him. Just a little.

anyway so he brings the food and he's like (clearly judgemental tone) "i brought hot sauce because i figured Alec doesn't usually eat spicy food" and he's obviously correct, Alec had never eaten anything with season in his life before he met Magnus, much less pepper. he's the kind of ultimate, boss-level gringo who puts salt on his food when he's feeling adventurous

so Raphael sits down and puts the food on his plate and he pours hot sauce into his plate while making unwavering eye contact with Alec (yeah raphael can eat in this because he deserves it and i said so) and it's an obvious challenge and it evidently works because Alec 1- is competitive, and 2- actually wants Raphael's respect because he knows how important he is to Magnus. so he takes the salsa from Raphael and starts pouring it too while maintaining eye contact right back, jaw clenched in challenge, looking all serious and Magnus is like "children, please" and raphael's all like "oh no no no, let him" but Alec considers that a win because Raphael is clearly trying to contain a smile and thats the first step to winning him over

so anyway Alec sweats and grimaces through the whole meal, cuz like, look yes he may have pain tolerance because he's a shadowhunter but he's also the bitch who reacted to taking a sip of beer like someone had farted on his face. he can't hide his reactions for shit, but fuck if he doesn't lick the plate clean (not literally like gross) and doesn't shed a single tear, even as he clearly can't keep his eyes open with the effort

Magnus is like "Alexander, you dont have to do this" and alec's like "(eyes squeezed shut, grimacing, drenched in sweat) do what? this is very good" and Raphael is smiling into his plate even as Magnus shoots him dirty looks

then Alec is like "i won. i ate it all" and Raphael is like "(looking at his red sweaty face and puffy eyes) really?"

also look ill always love the hc that Raphael resents Alec for his height and Alec doesnt even notice. Raphael is not short, god damn it, hes 175! thats TEN whole centimeters above the mexican average! he was the tallest boy in Guadalajara! RAPHAEL IS TALL, OKAY

EXCEPT everyone in the goddamn shadow world is apparently a god damn giant. Its humiliating enough that Magnus is 180. but Magnus is his dad, so whatever. but Alec is FUCKING 190. no one needs that much tall. no one! Raphael went from being the tallest boy in the neighborhood to the shortest, and boy he is so not pleased about it

but Alec has no idea because who cares? (Raphael. Raphael cares. deeply. he cares so much) it's not even good to be that tall, he keeps banging his head on things. so there will be moments like. Raphael is standing in front of the bookshelf, seeming very focused. Alec shrugs, figures he's looking for something, and puts the book he was going to put there up. Raphael shoots him a dirty look that might as well be a stab, and Alec's like ???????? did i disrupt you? sorry? and Raphael just crosses his arms like "you didnt do anything, i dont know what you're talking about"

in reality the shelf was too high up because Magnus adjusted his shelves to his and Alec's height, and Raphael refused to stand on his tiptoes or god forbid, a stool, to grab his book, so he was just glaring at the shelf until the book came to him or something. and when Alec put the book up he was mad cuz Alec could reach it fjdndid

later Alec tells Magnus about it like "i dont get what i did. is he just that private?" and Magnus is like "hmm. i have no idea, darling" but next time Raphael comes, the shelves have been spelled to adjust to the book picker's height

also this always makes me think of that scene in hsm where zeke tries to talk to sharpay and she goes "evaporate, tall person!" and leaves and i love that mental image tbh

also like. eventually Alec apologizes for the punching thing (look. look. Im still salty and Raphael deserves it okay) and Raphael is like. moved because something deep inside of him still believed it was his fault and he was a monster, and it's. nice. and Alec kind of extends his arms and Raphael is like "dont think so" and crosses his arms and Alec kind of very very slowly lifts his arm and pats Raphael's head once and Raphael wants to scream and Alec looks very awkward and sheepish and Magnus bursts out laughing

(Raphael doesnt mind, though, because Magnus is genuinely so happy all day that they had a good interaction. so happy. and Raphael thinks, okay, this is okay. it's good if it makes Magnus happy.)

(Magnus also pats his head and plays with his hair, but its okay because Magnus has always done that and Raphael doesnt mind. only from him though. and raphael's partners. but anyway)

plus whenever Magnus is like, upset, or sick or something, theyre like. an unit. because for all they have no common interests they do think very alike (autistic solidarity i guess) and are very practical when it comes to taking care of others, and they both just. adore Magnus, okay. so Raphael will arrive, make Magnus soup. while he makes soup, Alec stays with him and takes his temperature. once Raphael is back with the soup, Alec goes out to buy medicine, and Raphael stays with him to make him company. and so on. at some point Alec is almost falling asleep by Magnus' side and Raphael taps his shoulder and points to the chair nearby, and Alec nods and dozes off for a while. then its the other way around. Magnus isnt seriously sick, of course, but he doesn't usually get sick so it's an event, plus they're both Like This. and for all the grief they give each other, they trust each other to take care of Magnus. theres no argument about that

(Magnus was resting, but he did see some of these moments, and smiled a bit to himself before dozing off again)

also Raphael and Ragnor gave Alec the ultimate shovel talk (Ragnor doesn't trust anyone after Camille, and while neither do cat and dot, they were more chill), but it lowkey backfired because they were like "if you ever hurt him, we'll remove your kneecaps" and Alec was like "(nodding seriously) thats fair"

also i know we've talked about this already but i also love the idea that Raphael goes to their house and is all absentmindedly like "hm can i have some coffee" and alec's like "sure, ill make it :) you stay here and talk to Magnus" and when Alec comes back he hands Raphael his coffee in a "best. bonus son. ever" mug and then he leans back against the wall, sipping his own coffee from his "world's #1 stepdad" mug that he bought himself, trying to hide his shit eating grin, and Raphael scowls and deliberately holds it so his hand covers the words, and Magnus laughs and his eyes shine as he sips his tea.

(later, Raphael is like. guess me and lightwood have a dynamic now. gross. but he still rolls with it)

in short Raphael and Alec being little shits to each other but still building something of a relationship for Magnus and always taking care of him..... ultimate trope