#also im lucky i love it here as a transplant

[wildestdreamsblog]

Hey, I'm so sorry I don't mean to push but each morning I check to see if there's any update on This love is bad. Your writing is terrific, I fear the day you'll post part 5 of This love is bad because I know it'll be the end of this amazing serie but I can't wait to know how it is going to go! xx

HI MY LOVEE! First of, tysm for appreciating my work! 🥹🥹🥹 AND U CALLED MY WRITING TERRIFIC I AM SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR AT THE MOMENT!

Okie so I’m gonna use this ask as a sort of update about why I’m writing slow. also I’m gonna talk about body dysmorphia so if this triggers u, you can just skip 🤍

So life update, I’m slowly working on the remaining 2 or 3 chapters of the series but as I said, it’s slow bcos of the workload of graduate school aaaaaand my how do I call this hmm inflammation(???) in my knees. I went to the ortho doctor today and finally had them check since they’ve been hurting for weeks now during my workout. Then I had my blood chem tested etc etc.

So even when I stand or sit or drive or walk or even lie down, they hurt but not constantly. The doc said I am lucky to not have that part or the knee completely destroyed bcos we don’t have transplant for that now. And so I have to rest for 4-8 weeks. I’m taking meds now. Also the blood chem thingy, my sugar is a bit low and my creatinine is a bit low. SO I NEED TO EAT MORE PROTEIN PER THE DOCTOR SKSKSK

so moving on to the body dysmorphia talk, I grew up thin. Like borderline malnourished thin bcos I didn’t like eating. But then my parents brought me to the doctor etc etc and I was prescribed back then a vitamins for me to eat more. Then I was borderline obese. Then puberty came and I slimmed down a bit but was still a chubby girl. Then only when I graduated college did I start loving my body bcos I was constantly working out. To the point that I run everyday, and did jumping rope 1000 times a day. Soooo my knees kind of took the hit. I didn’t like the feeling I get when I go on a long time without working out. I feel like i was gaining weight when in reality, i wasn’t. So long story short, I have to learn to love me and not the image i see in the mirror. It’s kind of taking a toll on my health.

Here’s me, still standing despite the pain mwahahahaha

Im not on a hiatus! I’m just taking this time to rest and love myself more. But rest assured I’m still writing and even have new series coming! I love u all and let’s all love ourself as hard as we love other people.

[hyetomi]

Pairings: gn reader x taehyun

Genre: soulmate au, angst, a little bit of fluff

Warnings: mentions of death, major character death

Summary: Kang Taehyun was so in love with you. You were so in love with Kang Taehyun. You were both in a lovely relationship, one that friends and passersby would always be jealous of. No one expected the ending of the relationship that should’ve lasted forever to be this tragic, though. Alas, happy endings only happen in fairy tales. This, however, is reality.

Notes: not proofread !! im so sorry it's really bad because i'm so busy with school i'll edit as i post this tysm for understanding!

Dear Taehyun,

Hey, love. How are you? If you’re reading this, that would mean that I’m either gone or I’m nearly there. I hope you don’t miss me too much. You might be wondering: why didn’t I tell you? Well, it’s because I was afraid. I was afraid of everything happening. It all just… went by too fast. One day I was playing Mario Kart with you on the sofa, then I fainted the next. I was so scared. The doctors told me I had an incurable disease which I had since I was a child. There was no more hope for me, unless I got a heart transplant. Of course, I couldn’t. I had 3 months to live. It was hard as it is to find a heart donor. And even if we found one, my parents couldn’t afford it.

So, I lived the next 92 days to the fullest.

I had 2 goals 一 missions 一 to fulfill within those 3 months. One, it was to complete my bucket list. Two, to make sure you know I love you. So, I went around the city trying my best to tick off my list. Roller skating, rock climbing, go-kart riding… I tried (and succeeded) to persuade you to join me in my adventures. Honestly, I wanted to go bungee jumping as well, but my sickness wouldn’t allow me to do so. We had a lot of fun, didn’t we? I was so happy! It might be because the activities were fun itself, but I believe it was because you were there. There is a reason why the universe chose us as soulmates.

Remember when you first met me? I’d be forever thankful that Huening introduced us. Without him, I’d be too shy to approach you and we wouldn’t have met. When we shook hands while introducing ourselves, the glow in your eyes was so pretty. I would do anything to go back to that time. The feeling of meeting your soulmate… I will never forget it. I’m so glad you’re mine, I would have never thought that the boy I had been crushing on would be my soulmate, the one destined for me. 

I never told you why I love you, have I? Buckle up, Tyun. You’re in for a ride.

I first saw you in English class. You helped that one boy in our class and I was literally the heart eyes emoji. I’ve never seen someone so gentle in teaching. When he didn’t understand your words, you explained it over and over to him, not a hint of annoyance crossing your face. If I were you, I’d give up right there and then. But you didn’t. You taught him again and again and again until he understood. I admire your kindness, truly. Not just that, but you’re so pretty! I know you’re probably tired of me saying this every day, but I’m serious about your prettiness. My first impression of you was: ‘So pretty… your eyes are so big… your nose is literally perfect….’ It’s literally illegal to be this pretty, Tyun.

Not only on the outside, but you’re also pretty on the inside. You’re so kind, brave, thoughtful… you’re basically every good adjective out there except I can’t think of anymore because I’m in so much pain. You’re basically perfect. I’m very lucky, aren’t I? I’d like to think I’m the luckiest person in the world because I’m dating you, Kang Taehyun. I mean, no one else would ditch their most important class of the day just to take care of me because I’m sick. Or walk for 20 minutes during Winter only because I wanted my weekly donut. I didn’t even ask you to do these things for me, you did it from the kindness of your heart. 

I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for being sick. I’m sorry for not being able to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for everything. I wish that we weren’t soulmates so that you don’t have to bear the pain of losing your soulmate at the age of 19. Maybe, in another life, we could be together again. Maybe then, we could be as free as the wind. In another life, we would be soulmates again. I’m sure of it.

Promise me this: be happy. I don’t want my death to cause you any pain nor stop you from being you. Tyun, you’re one of the biggest positives in my life and I don’t want you to stop being a source of happiness for others. Go live your life, do things you love, be free! But please don’t forget about me. Ha.

I’ll end this letter here. I attached a picture of us in the roller skating rink that I took with the polaroid camera you gave me. There’s still some film left in the camera so you can use it! Take a picture of the stray cat near my house, or of the boys, or my funeral for I care, I just want you to make memories with that polaroid just like I did. Anyways, I love you a lot. I’ll miss you so much, but I will always look after you from above. We’ll meet again when the time is right. I love you!

With lots and lots and lots of love,

Y/N

Taehyun curls up in a ball in your untouched room. It has been 3 months without you. 3 months way too long. He misses you everyday. He misses your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hugs, your everything. He hasn’t opened the letter because he holds onto it like a lifetime. He fears that when he does read it, you’ll truly be gone. Without his soulmate, it hurts so much. He wipes his tears away, sniffles, and faces the ceiling, holding onto the polaroid you attached with the letter.

“I miss you. You’re looking after me, right? So you can hear me saying this. I miss you a lot. I miss you more everyday.” he voices out, his throat in pain after crying, voice dry.

He looks across the room to see the desk where you two would usually do your homework together, annoying each other and laughing while the night goes on. There sat the polaroid. A pastel blue one, your favourite colour. Next to it lies your photo album. He still remembers every photo, but he decides to open it anyway.

Although his legs ache, he still walks toward the desk. He grabs the album and flips through every page. He holds onto it tightly, like it might slip through his hands and he’ll lose it forever.

He sighs. Taehyun looks toward the polaroid. He puts the album down and grabs the polaroid softly, sniffling once again.

“I’ll make more memories for you, Y/N. Thank you for everything. I love you.” he whispers.

Taehyun grabs the photo album, the letter and the polaroid, trudges towards the door and pulls it open. He took several steps before looking back onto the now unowned room. He smiles, and closes the door. He sniffles again before finally leaving the house. He takes in a deep breath of fresh air and walks home to try and start a new life without his soulmate by his side.

[chokememrstark]

The Soulmate Sam Never Asked For // Part 8

Ship: Samifer (Sam Winchester / Lucifer)

Words: 2660 (Chapter 8 / 12)

Fic Summary: Sam's hope is proven right when the doctor comes back to them with positive news. He's as excited as Raphael, only Lucifer still seems to be trying to fully process the situation. But Sam knows he's just having a hard time putting his thoughts into words, which shows very soon.

college!AU, human!AU, soulmates!AU, dysfunctional families, abusive parents, dramatic romance, or romantic drama, your choice, big brother!Lucifer, soulmates hating each other, referenced alcoholism, death and abuse, some violence, and lots of feels, fluff and cuteness, some drama but not too much, lots of bickering, and two damn stubborn soulmates (!!)

Note: My lovely beta reader @brieflymaximumprincess called this a rom-com and even though I don’t believe it is, in my eyes, it does have certain elements of it. This is not the angst you know from me, not at all.

Yes, there is some drama, but there is also a lot of sweet and cute moments, much more than the dramatic ones. I guess you could say I accidentally wrote cute fluff? Because it was not intended, but here we are.

This fic is already completed and will be posted by the regular schedule from now on: Thuesday, Thursday and Saturday! So, enjoy ♥

Tagging: @shebahda   @sassysupernaturalsweetheart    @spnyoucantkeepmedown  @brieflymaximumprincess @multifandomhcsforinsanity @etysky @justasmalltownsuperwholock @humongouscandycoffee @daddycasstiel @nnegann @blakechaos08

If you want off the tag list or want to be added, just drop me an ask or IM!

Read on AO3!

Since he didn’t have to go back to college at the moment, Sam spent the afternoon with the two brothers. In probably the strangest twist of his life, Raphael actually grew on him more and more. They played a round of Monopoly, during which Sam could watch the interaction between him and Lucifer more closely, and he realized that it was very similar to his own relationship with Dean in a certain way. They laughed, but also teased each other when one of them didn’t have things work out in their favor. It was nice to watch, but inside it made Sam very sad and he hoped more than ever before the doctor would come back with good news soon. If he had to sacrifice a kidney so these two could stay together like this, he was going to do it in a heartbeat.

In the late afternoon, Raphael became tired and Sam excused himself to get more coffee for the older ones, but he mostly left because he wanted them to have a brotherly moment without being disturbed. They had spent the whole day together after all, Raphael and Lucifer surely needed some time alone. On his way back from the cantina he heard a familiar voice and turned around, coffees still in hand, to a very happy looking doctor.

“Sam!” doctor Francis said and quickly walked up to him. “I’m glad to catch you outside, do you have a moment?”

“Of course, yeah,” Sam answered perplexed. “Do you have the results?”

“We do and they are very promising.”

Sam’s jaw dropped, his grip around the coffee cups tightening slightly.

“So, I can donate? I can help Raphael?” he asked, completely shocked and surprised.

“If that’s your wish, yes,” the doctor nodded with a smile. “Your examples match almost perfectly, much better than the first. We have very good chances that Raphael’s body won’t reject the transplant this time.”

“Oh my god, that’s amazing!” Sam gasped, almost dropping the coffees from excitement. “When can we do it? Can we do it today already?”

“Slow down, young man,” Doctor Francis laughed. “You have to be sober for the operation, so I’m afraid it won’t happen today.” Sam looked very disappointed, but the doctor continued before he could say anything. “But we already reserved the surgery room for tomorrow morning, so if you agree and Raphael's condition allows it, we can do it then.”

“Awesome!” Sam couldn’t believe it, this was way better than he had expected. “Is there anything I need to know, apart from being sober?”

“We will operate on Raphael and you simultaneously, to not lose any time. We are very lucky that you want to do this, the chances for success are much higher this way. Since Raphael is still a child we won’t take your whole kidney, we will cut out a certain amount of it and transplant it. The procedure will take a while, but because we have a living transplant the chances are very high.”

“So, he’ll be fine?” Sam asked excited. “He’ll live a normal life again and won’t have to fear another rejection?”

“Of course I can’t guarantee that,” the doctor said with a stern face. “But since you two are such a good match the prognoses are very good. Raphael will have to take care of himself of course and he will have to take medication for the rest of his life to prevent another rejection, but if his body accepts the transplant it will be a huge improvement.”

“I’m on board,” Sam said without hesitating. “I already packed some things in case I could donate, so I can stay here right away.”

“That was very thoughtful of you,” doctor Francis smiled. “I will come with you to break the news.”

“I’m not sure if Raphael is still awake,” Sam said as they continued their way to the boy’s room. “He was very tired earlier.”

“We’ll see,” the doctor answered.

Sam nodded, he was about to kick the door to alert Lucifer he was there, after all his hands were still full. Doctor Francis saw his attempt and quickly opened the door for them. Sam smiled at him and walked inside. As he had expected, Raphael was asleep, but Lucifer’s attention was on them right away and he jumped up to walk over.

“Doctor! Is everything alright? Do you have any news?”

Sam put the coffee down next to Lucifer, fearing he might actually drop his when he got the new information, before the doctor answered.

“Yes and they are good ones finally,” doctor Francis smiled. Lucifer gave Sam a confused look, who nodded toward the man in white so the blond turned his attention back to him. “Sam and Raphael’s examples are an almost perfect match, we can do the transplantation right tomorrow morning. So far, Raphael’s health allows another operation and Sam already gave me his okay. If Raphael's condition stays the same over night, I don't see a problem.”

“Seriously?” Lucifer asked with wide eyes and turned back to his classmate. “You’re not kidding me?”

“Nope,” Sam smiled at the other. “We are ready to go as soon as Raph and I are sober.”

“Oh god, Sam!” Lucifer gasped and suddenly, without a warning or giving Sam any chance to react, grabbed the brunet and pulled him into his arms and into a tight and almost squishing hug. “Thank you so much! You don’t know how much this means to me!”

“Hey, I told you I’d do it,” Sam said awkwardly and patted Lucifer’s back the best he could. “He’s gonna be better soon, I’m sure of that.”

“Raphael has the best chances of recovering with Sam’s kidney,” the doctor said and caught Lucifer’s attention again, who slowly let go of his classmate. “He is a much better match than the last donor and it's gonna be a living transplant, which increases the chance for success too. I’m not allowed to make legal promises, you know that, but given the circumstances, I’m confident that it will all go well and Raphael will recover very soon.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Lucifer mumbled, looking back and forth between the doctor and Sam.

“I’d say you prepare your brother when he wakes up,” the doctor suggested with a smile. “I will come by tonight to talk to him again and in the morning we will prepare everything.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Lucifer said and took the man’s hand tightly. “I can’t thank you enough for this, really.”

“Thank me when everything is over,” the doctor replied, but still shook Lucifer’s hand with a smile. “I will ask Karen to make the second bed in this room ready for you, Sam. I’m sure you want to stay here instead of in a separate room.”

“That would be great, thank you,” Sam nodded and smiled. “I want to know if Raphael is doing well and I’m sure it will be easier for Lucifer too.”

“Of course, I’ll be back later.”

The doctor nodded again and left the two young men alone. After staring at the door for a good five minutes, Lucifer finally turned around to Sam again, his face still a mask of disbelief. Sam smiled weakly and laid a hand on his shoulder.

“It’s gonna be okay, Lucifer, I know it,” he said carefully.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this, Sam,” Lucifer mumbled slowly. “You know Raphael for two days and me for a few weeks and you’re doing something so huge for us!”

“I told you, if the tests say yes, I’m on board.” Sam smiled. “Maybe you should sit down and drink your coffee, I don’t want you to drop to the floor.”

Lucifer nodded and allowed Sam to guide him over to his chair. The brunet got their coffees and sat down on his own chair, excited and a little nervous, but much more than that very relieved that the doctor had given them such good news.

They sat in silence for quite some time, drinking their coffee - Lucifer more sporadically than Sam - and waiting. Sam knew that Lucifer’s mind was probably going through everything that could go wrong right now, but he could see that he was just as relieved as he was himself. After all, his brother was about to get another chance, one he had not deemed possible before. Sam was nervous, but he tried not to show it too obviously to not worry the blond any further. At the same time, however, he was very hopeful about this operation.

“I can’t believe this,” Lucifer said eventually, shaking his head. “He’s gonna get another chance…”

“And it’s a good one, the doctor told me,” Sam said quietly. “Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be alright and everything will go well.”

“I never thought he’d get this opportunity again,” Lucifer sighed. “Even if it’s only buying time, it’s more than I ever hoped for.”

“It’ll be more than buying time,” Sam replied, drawing Lucifer’s attention. “He’ll recover and go back to school and you’ll live a better life, I know that.”

“You really think so?” Lucifer asked and Sam nodded.

“I’m sure of it,” he said.

-----

Raphael reacted excited at the news of another transplant, especially when he found out Sam would be the donor. He kept talking about how they would basically be brothers then and Sam and Lucifer couldn’t help but laugh at his enthusiasm. A nurse came by later to put new sheets on the empty bed in Raphael’s room and even when the boy was told he wouldn’t get any food anymore until the operation he wasn’t bothered at all. When Lucifer told him he’d stay overnight too, Raphael was thrilled.

“We’ll have a sleepover!” he exclaimed laughing. “I always wanted a sleepover!”

The sleepover turned out to only last until nine in the evening, when Raphael fell asleep on his bed, but Sam was sure he still enjoyed it. Lucifer smiled at his brother, kissed his forehead and pulled the blanket up to his chin so he wouldn’t get cold. He had made some kind of improvised bed in the play area Gabe usually stayed in, assuring Raphael it was fine this way before he fell asleep. He and Sam kept their voices down after this to not wake him up again.

“You sure you’ll be able to sleep like this?” Sam asked, eyeing Lucifer’s bed suspiciously. “Doesn’t look comfortable.”

“It’ll do,” Lucifer shrugged. “You two got your beds and will sleep well, that’s important. I can sleep when this is all over.”

“You’re a really good brother,” Sam smiled warmly. “They are very lucky to have you.”

“So, you think a good brother lets one of them be taken away and one suffer like this?” Lucifer asked and sighed. “Doesn’t sound that good to me.”

“No, a good brother doesn’t stop fighting for them,” Sam assured him. “A bad one would just shrug and move on, but you don’t do that.”

“Maybe,” Lucifer replied quietly, not very persuading.

“Let me put it this way,” Sam tried again. “A bad brother wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice his own future just so his little brothers are happy and cared for. A bad brother would turn his back at them and just leave them behind for his own sake.”

“Sounds like what Michael did,” Lucifer said sadly. “But I would give everything I have for them, even my life.”

“And that makes you the good brother, not Michael.”

Lucifer looked up, meeting Sam’s eyes and catching the reassuring hint in them.

“Thank you, Sam,” Lucifer answered. “I don’t think anyone ever said such things to me.”

“It’s just the truth,” Sam shrugged, blushing a little. “Everyone would be happy to have someone who cares about them as much as you care about your brothers. Just because bad things happen doesn’t mean that changes.”

“I wish they had parents who cared for them as much as I do,” Lucifer sighed and looked at Raphael. “They deserve to be loved and if their parents can’t do that I’ll just love them more to make up for it.”

“You know, you might think you’re a tough guy,” Sam chuckled mischievously. “But you’re a big softie at heart.”

“The big softie can hit pretty damn hard if someone calls him a softie again,” Lucifer huffed and glared at Sam. “Don’t test your luck on me, punk.”

“Oh, I would never dare,” Sam laughed and raised his hands in defense. “Don’t wanna get my ass kicked by the big bad wolf.”

Lucifer growled dangerously at Sam and for a moment they were both silent before the laughter broke through. Sam couldn’t explain why, but he actually felt happy and much less nervous right now. Maybe he hated the soulmate thing, but Lucifer wasn’t so bad after all. Seeing this other side of him helped, so did the knowledge that he was just acting when he was out there, but that wasn’t all. There was something else, a certain type of understanding that he didn’t know until this point and he actually liked that.

“You should get some sleep now too,” Lucifer suggested after the laughter ebbed away slowly. “It’s a big day tomorrow, you don’t want to be exhausted.”

“Yeah, because they’ll keep me awake during the operation,” Sam grinned, causing Lucifer to laugh again. “But you’re probably right, I’m pretty tired.”

Sam laid down and Lucifer turned off the lights before doing the same in the very uncomfortable spot he was forced into. For what felt like an eternity Sam tried to fall asleep, but it just wouldn’t happen for some reason. He wasn’t scared of the next day or felt conflicted right now, he simply laid there and stared at the ceiling that was slightly illuminated through the windows as the minutes flew by.

“Lucifer?” Sam finally whispered after a very long time, not even expecting an answer. “Are you still awake?”

“Yeah?” The other sounded sleepy, but not as if Sam had just woken him up.

“Did you ever wonder why this soulmate thing even exists?” Sam had no idea why these words came out of his mouth in the first place, but once they were out he really felt the need for an answer.

“My theory is that God is a cruel asshole who loves to play with us,” Lucifer scoffed.

“That might be a reason,” Sam chuckled.

“Actually that’s just me being bitter,” Lucifer said and Sam swore he heard a smirk in his voice. “I don’t know why it exists, but it does and we have to live with it. Sometimes it makes people happy, sometimes it doesn’t, we won’t know before it happens to us, sadly.”

“Yeah, it can be pretty fucked up,” Sam sighed, thinking about his parents. “I don't wanna end up broken about something I never had a say in…”

“Oh, you do have a say in it,” Lucifer rejected. “You fight it, most people don't. And I can assure you I'm a rather durable asshole, I'm not gonna die anytime soon, don’t worry.”

Sam smirked into the darkness. He wondered if his mom thought like this too before she got killed, but as soon as the thought creeped up he tried to push it back down. No, this was different, he couldn't compare these situations. It was nice knowing that Lucifer wanted to make him feel better about it though.

“Maybe we can become friends one day,” Sam eventually said quietly. It was probably the hardest thing he ever forced out of his mouth. “I mean, when this is over and you want to. It's fine if not, but I wouldn't mind.”

“Me neither,” Lucifer replied just the same. “I told you I can't afford this to take over my life, but a friend doesn't sound like a bad thing. And now get some sleep, it's late.”

“Yeah, I'll try,” Sam smiled. “Goodnight, Lucifer.”

“Goodnight, Sam.”

[jinxiaroo]

6/13/2019 11:06pm

man i haven't written something in a while.

The other day i was driving to my sisters house because she got locked out. I was driving back home and i thought i was being sleepy.  but i had  double take, i saw his mom, i guess she finished her stroll at the park and she was heading back home. 

I had all these questions and i really wanted to speak to her but something in my gut told me to just drive off. something that always catches me in the back of my mind cause im just wondering how did turn out to be like that. how two people or just connections that were so close, how can it be like two strangers who arent willing to know each other. I was wondering all these questions about james. I wanna know what he was doing at that time, what about the time since we last spoke. The last time i saw him. did he pursue further advancement in the navy, did he move back home and go back to school. Did he get a new girlfriend. did he find someone who treats him right? Some part of me want me to bump into him with a girl with him. So i can be settled in the back of my mind that i was never the right person and that he has moved on. I hope he did because he deserve so much more. I have all this guilt inside of me still. I have no idea when it is all going to end. It sucks. all just because i was curious. 

i finally got off hinge, it’s a dating app. I think it has been taking a mental toll on me. I find myself comparing myself to people who i normally dont give a shit about. I find myself comparing myself to my previous self and always trying to be a prettier versions of myself when in reality i should be doing the opposite. i told myself this year is the year where im going to learn to be who i am. I need to learn that i am the shit, i am a good person, someone is lucky to have me. someone is blessed to have my in their life because i know how to treat people right. im a great girlfriend. lately ive just been sitting around thinking where am i going in life. what have i done that has improved my mental state. am i treating the people i love right. Am i spending the right amount of time with the people that i love. instead im wasting time on people who honestly i dont think i wanna see ever again. this dating got me thinking some dumb shit i think. 

i think its also cause im tired of dating. it’s so tiresome, same conversations, different people. im tired of worrying do i look nice, smell nice, sound cute, am i socialable. do they like me ? im sitting here wasting my time away. 

update:

i got my dream job! i got the sicu job that i always wanted. but be careful for what you wish for. the grass is always greener on the other side. i dont know, it’s alright so far. i really miss my transplant family tho. i miss coming to work and being happy there. being excited to see the people for work. But it could just be because im new. I should start introducing myself to people so people know who i am. man, i just wanna be happy. 

it’s honestly a everyday struggle. i dont know how to get myself out of this rut right now. i beat myself everyday for feeling like i should be more thrilling for accomplish all these tthings that i always wanted. i got the dream job, i make good money. i have people that i love and care abbout. but i sit here and mope about some dumb shit. i feel like im not appreciating life the way i should. life is good but why does it feel something is missing. whatever tomorrow is gonna be another day and im gonna make the best out of it. goodnight world. 

[lucavalentine-blog1]

hey guys! i’m angelica (she/her) i’m 21, i’m from london and i love dogsss. i haven’t group rped in a long while so pls bear w/ me!! but also pls message me to plot bc i love plots. right, ok i’m gonna put luca’s history under read more here as you dooo, so feel free to read for any reference, also like this or IM me if u wanna plot!! i’ll try to find your intro posts too.

also TW: DEATH AND ILLNESS

because i’m kinda lazy i’ll just put some bullet point some of the main things about him, if you want me to elaborate on anything just lmk.

FAMILY LIFE

he was born in surfshore, lived there up until he was 18 before moving the new york where he attended college at nyu for four years. (major undecided, but he def minored in astrology bc he loves that shit)

he’s born to two loving parents who have been married for almost 30 years. it’s easy to assume his parents can be blamed for his high expectations of romance and idealistic outlook on life — they’ve really demonstrated what love really is and he’s been fortunate enough to be surrounded by it.

he’s a middle child with a whopping five other siblings. he has four sisters and one brother, and he’s the fourth oldest. the order of oldest to youngest goes as follows: isabella, clarissa, alec, luca, rhea and tara. isabella is 28 while tara, the youngest, is 11.

he’s a very family orientated; they’re easily the most important people in the world to him.

a lot of his childhood was spent in hospital. he was diagnosed with myocarditis at the age of four, undertaking many treatments, and his condition gradually worsening over the years until he was completely pulled out of school and spent months on end at the hospital. there was a point where things were looking bleak, his condition was worsening and possibility of survival was waning. when the doctors announced that a heart transplant was an option; his parents were thrilled. though, for a child of his size and his age, it seemed unlikely that he’d get a donor so soon. without the heart, the doctors gave him a few months to live and his parents were even beginning to make funeral arrangements. however, miraculously, around his thirteenth birthday, a heart became available and within a few weeks he was showing signs of improvement in his overall condition. he genuinely counts himself lucky and luca uses this experience as a reminder to live life as fully as he can; do things that make him happy, be around people that bring him joy, and love as much as possible.

LOVE LIFE

ok this is gonna be quite short, but luca has never really had the best luck with love. in total he’s been in five relationships, each of them ending terribly. yet his hope in finding love has strengthened each time.

luca is a bisexual male, he has no gender preference.

he had his first ever girlfriend when he was in high school in the middle of his freshman year; she ended up only dating him as a dare.

his second girlfriend came towards the end of his freshman year, and it last six months until he saw a picture of her making out with a senior at a party she had lied to him about attending.

his third relationship was with a guy in his junior year. he had been a senior at the time, and they dated for a long time — almost a year. but he had left for college, and decided that they were too young to maintain long distance. luca was left crushed.

his fourth relationship was in his freshman year of college, he dated a girl. he blames himself heavily for the demise of this relationship, since he had come off too strong too fast, but he had been so in love with her by the third week and he wanted to vocalise it. unfortunately, that scared her off.

his final relationship was his longest relationship to date. they started dating in his sophomore year, and their relationship lasted two years. it was with another guy and the two of them had been completely besotted with each other. by senior year, they had already made plans to stay in new york, find a job and rent out an apartment together. unfortunately, it was not destined to be. shortly before graduation, his boyfriend died in a car accident, leaving him completely heart broken.

as someone who has had such an unfortunate experience with love, he’s never lost hope of finding ’The One’. he’s in love with the idea of love, and finding his fairytale ending, and he’s convinced he’ll find it somewhere at some point.