#also ilysm aria thank u for the ask SOBS

[deimosatellite]

"I'm safe with you," ArthurAlex-Aria

THANK U BESTIE AJLKDSF

under the cut! tw for very very vague mentions of past sexual abuse and some implied sexual content but otherwise this is p fluffy and wholesome pls

"You don't have to be so gentle with me, y'know. I'm not gonna break."

Arthur's raspy voice makes Alex pause where his lips are pressed gently to the blonde's neck. For a moment, the brunette just blinks before pulling back to look up at Arthur, who is in turn looking at him with an almost confused little smile painting his pink lips.

"What?" Alex asks almost curtly, but not pushing. Under Alex's sudden gaze, Arthur shifts slightly where he's seated in Alex's lap, and the brunette immediately loosens the already gentle hold he has on the soft slope of Arthur's waist. The blonde's eyes narrow just slightly, head tilting as he swallows before speaking again.

"The way you touch me. It's like you think I'm made of glass or somethin'," Arthur replies, and god, Alex swears he sees a flash of hurt in his blue eyes. Alex frowns for a moment, mulling over what has just been said as he absentmindedly brushes his fingers against the thin strip of skin peeking out from where Arthur's oversized t-shit (that he'd stolen from Alex's closet, of course,) had ridden up.

"Is that a bad thing?" Alex asks, and doesn't miss the way the corner of Arthur's mouth twitches for a moment, as if he's caught off guard by the question. After a moment, Arthur looks away, face flushing slightly as he suddenly wants to look anywhere other than Alex's eyes.

"You don't have to," Arthur simply repeats, words almost drawn out as if being pulled from honey. "I'm not fragile," he adds, almost under his breath. Before Alex could retort, though, Arthur looks back at him, smiling once again. Yet, it's more of a sad, wicked smile, like the restoration of an old painting done to try and cover up a face cracked with years of grief and trauma. Alex suppresses a shiver.

"Are you saying you...Don't want me to be?" Alex's frown deepens slightly, concern laced into his words. Arthur tilts his head once again in thought, messy blonde hair falling into his face endearingly.

"I just--I feel like you're just pitying me, y'know," Arthur finally responds, smile turning suddenly incredulous, as if he caught Alex in some kind of lie. "You know, I've been fucked by hundreds of guys, all of who are way less considerate than you. I'm just saying--if you're just being soft with me because you think I'll get hurt, then--"

"That's not it," Alex cut him off, Arthur's smile suddenly melting off his face. For a second, Alex wonders if he's being harsh, or too stubborn like he sometimes can be, but seeing the sunlight outline the soft shape of Arthur's young face strengthens his resolve. He pauses as he just stares, wondering what kind of monsters could hurt such a beautiful person, and the idea of just how many people had hurt the blonde makes Alex's stomach churn.

"You deserve good things, you know," Alex finally continues, voice soft. He knows that's what Arthur's thoughts often come down to--the blonde doesn't feel like he's deserving of love, often questioning himself when it comes to his and Alex's relationship. Especially recently, as their relationship only brought them closer--Arthur would often have moments of panic as his trauma catches up with him, all those years of being used as nothing but an object making him feel less than human.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Arthur laughs slightly, but it's almost bitter, like a tea steeped too long. "I'm just sayin' you can be rougher with me if you want, I know that's what most guys like. You don't have to hold back for me."

"I want to be gentle with you though, okay?" Alex feels his face flush, and suddenly tries to avoid Arthur's light blue gaze. "I don't want you to ever feel unsafe, or get hurt, or God, for it to be anything like--what they did to you."

"Alex... I know I'm safe with you. You're my safety. You couldn't hurt me if you tried," Arthur almost smiles, but his eyes are genuine. Alex freezes at that, the freckles on Arthur's face starting to blur together, and the brunette suddenly realizes he has tears in his eyes.

"Okay, Arthur. If you're sure, then I'll believe you. But you're saying it like it's just about what I want, and not what you want, y'know. That's just as important," Alex tries to keep his voice from trembling as he swallows down the tears, but the knot in his throat only grows as Arthur's eyes widen at his response.

"What... I want?" the blonde repeats, words rolling off his tongue with an almost breathy intonation. Alex waits with bated breath as he swears he can see the calculations running behind Arthur's dilated pupils, encouragingly and ever so softly brushing his thumbs over Arthur's sides as if to say take your time. I'm here. Finally, he speaks up once more.

"I don't know what I want. I don't even know what I like, to be honest," Arthur admits, something akin to shame crossing his countenance. Alex almost involuntarily reaches up to take Arthur's face in his hands, wanting nothing more than to wipe away those worried creases in his too-young face, but he pauses as Arthur leans into his touch, eyes fluttering shut. God, he looks like he's gonna cry, Alex quickly realizes, and brings himself to respond.

"That's okay, Arthur. You don't have to know everything, not now, not ever. For now, though, we can--we can take it slow, okay? I don't want to overwhelm you," Alex says, keeping his voice soft as to convey just how much love he has for the blonde. If he ever makes Arthur uncomfortable, or afraid--he'd never forgive himself, he always says.

"...Yeah. That makes sense. I guess real intimacy is a lot different than what I'm used to. Guess it's like I'm a virgin again, huh?" Arthur's smile returns to that coy, crooked little thing, and Alex feels his heart swell at the gesture. In response, Alex gives Arthur a quick peck on the nose where he's still holding his face, making the blonde scrunch up his freckled cheeks and earning a laugh from the brunette.

"I guess so," Alex smiles, moving his hands slowly back down to Arthur's thin waist, light enough for Arthur to get up if he wants. However, the blonde simply puts his hands on Alex's shoulders, smiling widely as he pulls himself closer once again to the brunette.

"Okay, now kiss me again, dummy," Arthur sticks out his tongue in a childish manner before baring his neck to the brunette as he had before, an invitation enough. So, Alex yet again leans in and presses his lips to the blonde's pale, freckled skin.

And then he blows a raspberry into it. Arthur practically shouts with hyena-esque laughter, raspy voice melodic to Alex's ears as he shoves the brunette over playfully in retaliation. In a moment, the kissing is forgotten as the pair ends up in a shoving match, resulting in the blonde eventually falling asleep curled against Alex's chest.

They are taking it very slow.