#also if you are a mutual friend of ours please don't send me whatever she's saying on her blog i don't want to know about it

[hiddenramen]

i tried to block or at least softblock a lot of our mutual friends or people who are closer to her than to me, but if i missed you it was mostly because i probably didn't know your url, and you can feel free to unfollow or block or softblock or whatever makes you comfiest. i don't want to put anyone in an awkward position and there's no hard feelings about it.

[from-izzy]

Your moots as TBZ ships???

hi anon! thank you for sending this in! 💖 sorry it took a while (i think this took more than a fortnight i'm so sorry 😭) because i had to think about it!! i'm doing ones that i talk to frequently or once in a while! to all my moots that i haven't/barely talked to, hmu! (i'm sorry that i'm too shy 😭)

welcome to another episode of '😭-izzy-doesn't-know-how-to-explain-things-and-she's-very-sorry-about-it'

@cloverdaisies - juric

so! you know how juyeon adores eric and juyeon is (arguably) eric's favourite hyung? 😊 they do everything together and is so comfortable around each other despite their age gap? 🥹 well, i mean clo and i are the same age but since around 2022, clo has always just been a writer to me. then out of nowhere, in the spur of the moment and a sudden hit of confidence i told myself "omg! 👀 what if...i just text cloverdaisies, say my greetings, thanks then disappear? if she doesn't respond then alright, at least i said whatever i had to say." yeah...it went well! very well! i love clo! 🤍 so much! 🤍🤍 and i hope she knows that!

@heemingyu - nyusun

ok so...we're just a tiny bit chaotic? 🤷🏻‍♀️ just a tiny bit 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ i think we hide it quite well in group chats (...that's a lie) but when we're on dms...oh yeah...the world really isn't ready for us when we meet 🤭 like sunwoo who adores new and annoys him all the time, i admit that i do it to sana too. but at the same time, like new who is always teasing sunwoo and being crackheads together, that's sana to me 😁 it's just...yeah...i feel like for the sake of world peace, we probably shouldn't meet? and sana should most definitely should not drive 🚗 (just like what new said in his bubble!)

@justalildumpling - sunric

my response to this: so roode 😭 just absolutely roode 😭😭 the audacity to even--but this is saur chaotic sibling energy 🤣 i get what you mean now when you say that we're more like sunwoo and eric rather than an old married couple like jaemin and jeno fr 😮 but also j! aussie aussie aussie! i finally have another friend from aussie that i can annoy if i do come to you (or you come to me...but i don't think j likes me that much though so...) 😟 life is...sad...and i get bullied by j all the time...sigh...☹️

@littleroaes - ppangcob

hmmm...i'll be honest with you, i'm not too sure how to explain this 😭 but! i think we just radiate this kind of energy! 😊 we are both very shy at first and dora is the same as well (in a good way! i will always protect you! 🫂 especially from sana, i promise!) ppangcob is the shy duo of tbz but at the same time, very comfy around each other and others when you get to know them well 🤗 just from our dms and interactions, dora is so silly and funny like girl! thanks for being my first mutual! 💕

@sungbeam - sunkyu

there ain't a lot of words but I'M SO SORRY FOR THE MOMENTARY PAIN AND CONFUSION THAT I PUT YOU THROUGH UMMMM 😭😭 but i am still going to hide (after this, let me say my words first) 🫡 just like sunwoo who auditioned for the company because he saw changmin...that's it! ok bye! i'm leaving! see you!! 😁

@winterchimez - kevcob

...do i need to explain this though? 🤔 but ok i guess i'll do it. so, like i mentioned, i think we're a different kind of soulmate dynamic where you get bullied and teased 😁 and i'm the one that teases you 😁😁 (ily i swear) kind of like kevcob as well 💕 but remember that time when we texted and we sent the same idea and question at the same time?? 🤗 like huh?? no one that i know irl does the things that i do?? this dynamic is so new to me...but i'm so ready for it 🥹 also, what are you waiting for? the stars have spoken? ⭐ book a flight ✈️ to where i am please and thank yew!

@wuahae - bbangju

ok so hear me out 😭 i don't really know how to explain this one either but! just the times when i would cry in vc 🥹 also ask help or something and cat would be like "yes, i have the solution." 🥹 but i'm also just reminded of that time in the concert when younghoon was reading his speech and crying but juyeon was like "it's okay, take your time" 🫂 i just have a feeling cat would do that tbh. we haven't talked much recently but i love you and i hope life is treating you well, cat! 💖

@zzoguri - cobric

me is the crying, emotional mess 😭😭 and moni is the parent that is intently listening to the child, putting in reassuring comments 💬 and trying to calm me down, chipping in their own experiences 🗨️ and telling me that they understand 🫂 moni has always been like that since day 1. i guess it really is true that we're not really strangers 🥹 sorry that we haven't talked much! i do miss you and i hope you're doing well!

[hop3wrlds]

notes (rules).

astrology journal. / hop3wrIds diary.

about me.

my name is ana. you may call me hope.

i've never had an alias or nickname, but recently i had someone refer to me as "hope" on here due to my @ . i found it cute so feel free.

my pronouns are they/she.

if you are able to, please refer to me by my name(s) as it is preferred. as far as gendered terms, they don't offend me but if you can refrain from them, please do.

i am in my early twenties.

currently i am twenty, turning twenty-one soon. as per stated in my notes, this is an 18+ blog. while i don't usually post any explicit adult content, i do not want children on my blog (i do check). i urge y'all to be mindful of this.

my languages are eng / esp

i am latino 🇪🇨🇲🇽 from the southern u.s n am fluent in both english and spanish.

likes and dislikes.

misc. i love: writing. herbal studies. astrology. iced matcha. true crime podcasts. boba tea. novels. algebra. pilates. the newspaper. baking. law of assumption. doing my nails. perfume. running. my best friend. virgos. dinosaurs. scented baths. yoga. manga. reading the back of cereal boxes. winter. flower bouquets. anime. marine life. pinterest. my film camera. snoopy.

music i love: taylor swift. mitski. sufjan stevens. ariana grande. elliott smith. phoebe bridgers. ethel cain. ichiko aoba. wave to earth. the poles. the rose. fleetwood mac. mazzy star. lamp. jpop. boygenius. kpop grps such as, bts (ults), stray kids, le sserafim, ive, enhypen, txt.

series i love: my hero academia. tokyo ghoul. nana. mo dao zu shi. one piece. jujutsu kaisen. sk8 the infinity. haikyuu. the untamed.

cinema i love: ponyo, everything everywhere all at once, love letter (1995), her, la la land, breakfast at tiffany's, spirited away, scarface, the shape of water. singin' in the rain.

dislikes: assholes. bts antis. insects. pickles. any math that isn't algebra. summer. instagram comment sections.

a gentle reminder.

i have been studying astrology as a hobby for the past four years but i am not a professional astrologer, nor will i ever claim to be one. please note i practice tropical astrology and mainly traditional/hellenistic astrology. i do not charge for any type of astro reading, however, please keep in mind i currently do not do full natal chart readings. asks are always welcome.

further details.

i created this navigation for both my personal organization and also to create my own corner of astrological knowledge! if you wish to send an ask, for whatever reason, please do! i would love to make close mutuals and ramble about our interests ♡.

last updated: 1.24.24

[spring-lxcked]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

NAME.  nicole or aspen

PRONOUNS.  she / they (i sometimes have a slight preference for one over the other day-to-day, but overall either is fine)

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION.  if you need me to respond quickly, IMs are probably the way to go. if you want to have a long-term convo/don't care about quickness, discord (nicolenostalgia) is best!

MOST ACTIVE MUSE.  currently it's obviously this rabbit bastard, but my other consistently most active muse has been kokichi (@takinghisbow). outside of him, i tend to go through periods of strong hyperfixation on specific muses. single muse blogs for me are pretty exclusively for muses i don't intend on taking long breaks from ever (outside of necessity)

EXPERIENCE / HOW MANY YEARS.  i've been rping since i was around 9 (and far too young to be freely online, but whatever). i've been on tumblr since i was ~14, but didn't start rping here until like. . . 3-4 years ago? prior to tumblr i rp'd on forums, via email with individual friends, and on furcadia (my longest experience and very defining for me ngl. i know it's, like, cringe or whatever, but <3).

BEST EXPERIENCE.  i mean, generally just the genuine friends i've made and continue to make on here. but also, to be slightly more specific, few things stand out in my memory as favorite rp moments more than the funny, crack-y, shit-posting times where me and some of my mutuals are just losing our minds. i love running jokes on my blogs, i love being @'d, i just love love love that non-serious sort of interaction sm.

RP PET PEEVE.  if you start public shit/write callouts about someone because they were slightly rude to you or you just don't like them? [cocks gun] (legally i'm joking, but i'm so glad i haven't seen this kinda shit in awhile. save it for dangerous people, please). other than that, i've had Experiences where my frequently-thirsted-after-by-fandom male muse just gets an Onslaught of ppl who will absolutely try to force ship with their OC. it hasn't happened here, but admittedly i'm like. sitting on the edge of my seat LMAO. (like, it's kinda funny but it's hella disrespectful).

PLOTS OR MEMES.  memes tend to be a better starting point for me unless you already have a specific idea in mind OR we're working off of one of our wishlist posts. i have this Thing where the moment someone asks me to plot every single idea i've ever had leaves my head fdkshfsd. the only exception to this is if it's not immediately obvious how our muses would meet. at which point, either plotting OR just specifying something in a meme you send would be great.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES.  cursed to love long replies, forced to have executive dysfunction lmao. i mean, i love interactions of any length, but i do looooove getting really into my muse's mindset and exploring it. because of mental health, tho, longer thread usually = longer wait for my reply. not always, it depends on my muse. once we're getting 5+ paras, it might be a bit of a wait (even tho i still love it).

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSES.  knee-jerk reaction was to say no abt william lmao. in all seriousness, i'd say. . . we have a similar sense of humor, regrettably. and more than that, i feel like my draw to writing muses in general who "wear a mask" and hide their real personalities has been a bit of an. . . unintentional exploration relating to my own masking. i've a only realized in recent years that i likely have ADHD (and maybe autism?), and the realization that the Me In Public is literally Not Me was. crazy. i think that, even though william is a complete bastard, there's something to writing a muse who is always performing. i mean, before i even understood what masking was i remember telling my mom that being around almost anyone irl felt like putting on a show to pretend to be "normal." so anyway me, kokichi, and william are holding hands (eurgh).

TAGGED BY. @gateway31 ( <3 <3 <3 ) TAGGING. whoever would like to do it!!

[macerationwater]

⊛ collectively, canis or dog ⊛ any pronouns are fine if you don't know who you're talking to ⊛ physically mid-20's ⊛ we love our partner system dearly (´▽`ʃ��ƪ) ⊛ mental illness/system posting zone read below for more, including important blog TW's.

we are the dogstar system, aka canis major or dogstar. as a whole, we use the names canis or dog, but we try to make it clear who's who as we prefer our personal names/pronouns more than the collective. please use the collective terms if you are not certain who you're talking to, better that than to be assumed to be someone else.

frequent fronters (right now) ➙ coyote ; she/it (host at the moment) ➙ tempor ; he/him ➙ nagito ; he/him ➙ wolf ; it/pup/he ➙ skrappy ; it/pup/paw/woof/literally any xenos ➙ q ; it/thing ➙ crow ; it/he/caw ➙ cat ; she/her ➙ calypso ; he/pup ➙ mutt ; any pronouns i know of ~50 headmates, so as you can imagine it is a little complex trying to figure out who to have listed. i'm sure we'll get a grip on it in the future.

more about us ﹥ traumagenic system; programmed in some manner, i have no idea how to approach learning about it when it seems like we have some programming meant to prevent us from learning more. we identify with the label HC-DID, but this is not concrete. ﹥ we have gone through repeat cycles of splitting a new host that acknowledges plurality and works towards accepting it, then splitting a new host that suppresses it all again, then splitting a new host that "learns we're plural for the first time" and works towards accepting it, and so on over and over for at least a decade. ▹ we first figured out we were plural in ~2014, but it has been repeatedly suppressed and i am just now putting in some hardcore work to ensure that doesn't happen again. ▹ as a whole, we are all autistic and have a cocktail of mental illnesses. the body has a handful of physical ailments, as well. ▹ some of us will post on here, some of us won't post at all, and some of us will probably wind up with our own sideblogs at some point. that's the way it goes being raised online. ▹ we don't care who relates to our posts, whether you are also a member of a system, or if you're a singlet with ptsd, or anything else. (although i will internally question what you're relating to if you aren't mentally ill in any way, lol) if you feel like us, you are free to interact. ▹ if you want to be friends, don't be shy DM'ing us, i know a lot of us are definitely looking for more mutuals that are plural! this is a sideblog, but we do not mind following from the main blog. :]

dni/content warnings ⊹ do not follow if you are bodily under 18. i will likely not interact with you if you are below 21, also. ⊹ we block super liberally, so if you have bad vibes we will curate our online experience accordingly. don't worry about it if you're normal, it won't ever be an issue. ⊹ do not involve us in any discourse. don't send asks about it, don't send us it, don't tag us in it. i am so over discourse i don't want it anywhere around me. idc if you do it on your own time or if you post your opinions or whatever, we just don't want to see fighting on our dash or be dragged into arguments. this account will contain the following, some more often than others: ⌯ CSA/SA/online SA ⌯ eating disorders (mainly about the effects in recovery) ⌯ substance abuse (active + former) ⌯ dissociation, depersonalization, unreality, etc ⌯ religious-based + other delusions, probably untagged bc they are very real to those that would post about them ⌯ child abuse (physical/emotional/neglect?) ⌯ self harm/suicidal ideation ⌯ probably some other stuff i'm forgetting about it usually just winds up being unfiltered stream of consciousness here. so if you don't want to see that, then avoid this blog.

this bio will be updated as we see fit. last updated 11/14/24 by coyote. peace and love forever, go crazy go stupid.

[oharpyia]

# OHARPYIA ! ' tongues of the dark speak like bones unlocking ' ╰ ⋄⋆⋅✧ ⸻ ⧽ an independent, selective, and mature multimuse. literate & long-winded. heavily influenced by gothic horror and high fantasy. captivated by characters that tragically damn themselves and the love that will not save them. multifandom. canon & ocs available. triggering themes present ! rules under readmore.

( enraptured by 𝔏𝔞𝔪𝔦𝔞. 28. black. they/she. )

✤ currently focused on asoiaf & hotd/f&b.

✤ WIP central! still setting everything up.

𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐒. 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒.

blogroll. edrurysz ( helaena targaryen )

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════

𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒

𝟎𝟏. 𝐌𝐔𝐍. Queer and very tired. Talk to me about your cats and your favorite book. Be warned that I may be low activity, as I have a full-time job and pretty severe depression.

Selective, meaning I only follow those who I am interested in rping with. If we’re mutuals feel free to send me anything! I will only write with mutuals.

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════ 𝟎𝟐. 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓. The content for this blog is mature, and I will only be following those over 18. This blog will have many upsetting themes present and discussed ( all within a fantasy context/setting ):

death

incest

racism

slavery

blood & violence

murder & suicide

religious fanaticism

I will tag and put content under 'read mores' where appropriate, but please take care of yourselves and do not follow if this may upset you. Fiction =/= real life, and views that my muse expresses do not necessarily reflect my own. NSFW may be written, but it will always be tagged.

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════ 𝟎𝟑. 𝐔𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐆. I am allowed to unfollow for any reason without stating why, as are you. Please do not harass me over it. I usually hard block when breaking a mutual, only so I do not forget and refollow for whatever reason. This may sound harsh, but my memory is just that bad!

I also won’t stand for any sort of vague blogging or drama. We’re all here to have fun, let’s just be nice to each other.

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════

𝟎𝟒. 𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓. Multi-para & novella highly preferred! While I may reblog ask memes, plotted threads usually take priority for me. I am always happy to hash out dynamics in DMs before we start writing together!

Threads will have minimal formatting on my end. I use the normal text; you are not obligated to do the same. Iconless, though I may occasionally use a divider or border. I am more than happy to RP on discord with friends.

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════ 𝟎𝟓. 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆. Please don't. If you want my character to take a certain action or play out a plot in a thread, just talk to me! :)

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════ 𝟎𝟔. 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐍𝐆. I like shipping as much as the next person. Romance can be very rewarding and fun to write. That being said! I only write romance when our muses show clear chemistry and there is a good foundation of mun friendship.

Some muses may be harder to ship than others. The relationships they engage with may not be healthy or normal. Some will include incest, such as those set within House of the Dragon.

NSFW may happen here, but only after a good amount of mun interaction.

══════════════════⊹⊱≼≽⊰⊹════════════════════ 𝟎𝟕. If you have read all of this, thank you and have a great day! ♡

[skatazz]

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ *

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ *

Hi! Welcome to my page!!

I use this app to scroll through artwork, fics, making mutuals & Roleplaying! I am dedicated to roleplaying so if you are interested, send me a dm!!

- I am 21

-my pronouns are she/her

- My time zone is EDT

- I enjoy sharing tiktoks, artwork, pinterest boards as I am open to being friends and having OOC conversations along with sending each other TikTok’s and other stuff!

- The only requirement is that you’re 18+!!!

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ *

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ *

- Role plays will either be taken place in Dm or Discords.

- i’d love a partner who is talkative, who loves to brainstorm, gush about events & so on! I'm really hoping to find a friendship, someone who can add to our story, and most importantly, someone who wants a long-term connection + long term roleplay !

- I have a lot of free time but I do get busy, I don’t like being ghosted/on delivered for days. I understand everyone gets busy just let me know, don’t keep me in the dark! I will do the same !

- Please no one liners as the rp dies out fast, I can write lengthy paragraphs! I will match whatever you give me as I don’t expect novella paragraphs but I do expect details when it comes to certain scenes! I will bare with you but how can we keep this interesting if you don’t give me enthusiasm? let’s talk plot ideas, brain storm!

- Nsfw is totally fine, I just would like buildup and storylines! I enjoy gushing over the moments between the characters, the taunting, teasing, romance, etc etc. however, if you are not please let me know beforehand. the rp does not have to have any of that if you don't want it. i also will not rp smut/nsfw with minors. I like action and shocking twists as well. let’s make this story interesting as well. I enjoy smut, it’s not going to be 24/7 that though but I like dabbling in it! let me know your comfortably.

- descriptive/literate rps only. i will not rp text/script. Please try to use proper grammar and punctuation to the best of your ability.

- Third person point of view only

- You play my love interest, I play yours. Double up rps only!

- I usually only do OC x CC mostly for my side, it’s rare for me to do OC x OC although i’m not opposed! If your side wants to be CC x CC that is fine with me.

- i’m fine with MxF, MxM, FxF

- if you're done with the rp, please let me know so i'm not waiting for you to reply when that's never going to happen.

- hard nos: adult x child / pedophilia / child p*rn. bestiality. v*re. feet related k*nks. body fluids. inc3st. male pregnancies/mpreg. r*pe. s3lf h*rm. su!c!de. ab*se between love interests. zoophilia. non-consensual. no SA. Things that isn’t okay, this should be general.

- don't just play your character and thats it. play some of the other characters as well. just not my oc

- do not steal my forms or my characters.

- if you have any ideas for the rp, don't be afraid to let me know! I love brainstorming & will come to you about ideas!

- Please do not reach out to me if you intend to ghost after a few responses! Not only does this wastes my time & yours.

‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊

Hyper fixation is Avatar & i’m looking for rp partners for it! (desperately)

These characters will be aged up.

If you are interested please send me a message, I have a google link I will send you of my OC. ⋆·˚ ༘ *

I am into other fandoms as well, here’s some interests but not all. I’m up for rping anything listed, if there’s something else in mind.. ask!

• Avatar (James Cameron)

• Stranger things

• Fantasy

• Horror things

• Scream (fav is part one)

• Marvel (I love spiderman)

• Umbrella Academy

• Hunger Games

• Bg3

• Harry Potter (i’ve always been interested in how people do rps on it & it seems so much fun. but i’ve never been so fixated on it to do it.)

• Star wars (same with this, I love anakin. I always think that it’ll be a different outcome for him but it’s not 🥲 I can change him fr)

• fnaf

• The outsiders

• Ohshc

There might be more, I love watching movies especially fantasy, horror & old 80/90s films. I love the 80s.

Feel free to dm whenever you’d like! :)

⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ * ⋆·˚ ༘ *

credits to banners: F2u banner by smluvbot & the bows (I don’t remember users but they’re not mine.)

[strawberista]

⚅ — Mun Info — ⚅

⚀ Name: Kohitsuji (Kohi)

⚀ Age: 29

⚀ Gender/Pronouns: Female, She/Her

⚀ Timezone: CST

⚀ About: Hello hello! My name is Kohi and I am a unrefined veteran roleplayer. I've been roleplaying since I was in elementary school, about 5th grade, from notebooks to online forums to Amino. Tumblr is a recent platform for me, and Discord even more recent than that. At this age time has been difficult for me to really keep up with, but I believe I've been here for about two years now!

⚀ Writing: I'm a primarily semi-lit writer, getting about 2 paragraphs out per reply on average. But my writing fluctuates a lot depending on how excited I am or how much I have to say, and I also try to match my partner as much as I can.

⚀ Triggers: While I don't have any triggers of my own, I want you to know that as a 21+ writer most of my content will at least contain blood, gore, and triggering dark content like mental illness, abuse, etc. Some blogs may contain NSFW sexual content and one blog contains SFW age regression content.

⚀ Selectivity: I am becoming a fairly selective roleplayer, in an attempt to keep from burning myself out. I will not roleplay with anyone that is not a mutual. However, I don't mind answering headcanon and ooc memes and questions from non-mutuals. Even anons and personals can take part in those. I almost never follow someone first, but if I follow you at all, I want to roleplay with you. I do have a hard time with my social anxiety, however, so I apologize in advance if it takes me a long time to reach out to you. Furthermore, my "finish before you start" brain may hold me back from sending you more things if we have a thread already running. That being said, I don't mind answering or replying to anything sent my way. If we are mutuals, please feel free to tag me in starters, send memes, whatever!

⚀ Relationships: I am someone that naturally wants to befriend everyone, and doing so can be very unhealthy for me. Therefore, for my own health and comfort, I will not consider us friends unless you tell me plainly that you consider me your friend. Otherwise I'll keep our relationship strictly business.

⚀ Activity: My activity levels are extremely sporadic, and sometimes I'll drop off entirely. I try to explain when I won't be active and why, but sometimes I simply don't have the chance to. Please be patient with me and my levels of activity.

⚀ Conditions: With my current insurance I cannot afford therapy or professional help, so everything is undiagnosed, but there are certain conditions which may effect roleplay. I almost assuredly have some form of either ADHD or autism (or both?) that makes organization and communication extremely difficult for me. I also almost assuredly have some form of either social anxiety or agoraphobia as interacting with people, even over the Internet, is incredibly frightening and any kind of miscommunication or perceived frustration/upset feelings can hurt me. I also appear to have something at least similar to RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria). Depression is also a possibility, as there are times when general functionality can be difficult. I can't know for sure if any of these things are at play and which ones, but these are some things that have been tossed about based on my behavior and internal feelings alone. Is nothing else, my reactions to situations are similar to those in these positions. Even though I don't have a diagnosis, please understand this going forward.

⚀ OOC Icons: These pink sheep icons can sometimes indicate me speaking ooc. I may not use them, but be aware this is not a muse, it is me. This is no character but are of my own making.

[divinelght]

𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐆𝐇𝐓 ― independent, selective tav/companion character from baldur's gate 3. AURORA MOROZOV (aasimar & life domain cleric of lathander), loved by ghost, she/her, 21+, beta editor.                 aes / about / visage / playlist / memes  ― traveling with @fromxgrace @sidxreus @beyondplanes @selunyte!

a study in : hope, forgiveness, a new sense of belonging, found family, never giving up & the gentleness that comes, not from the absence of violence, but despite the abundance of it.

𖤓 ― aurora is an original character (tav/companion) from bg3 with some elements of dnd lore! i'm still fairly new to dnd, so it's nothing too crazy, but if you see something that makes you go "HUH???", please know i only have one brain cell and i'm doing my best. 𖤓 ― this is a 21+ blog. if you are under the age of 21, i will hard block! anything nsfw will be tagged as "nsft //" and any applicable trigger warnings will be tagged accordingly. if you need something tagged for your safety, please don't hesitate to shoot me a DM. 𖤓 ― tumblr roleplay is way out of my comfort zone, so i'm still in the process of learning the proper etiquette and the whole aesthetic/editing aspect of it! please please be patient with me. ♡ my replies will range from unedited and iconless to something slightly more formatted, but i do not expect you to format your replies whatsoever. 𖤓 ― this is a mutuals only space. i will not be answering asks, rp prompts, or DMs from non-mutuals and i will only be giving my discord out on a request basis. if i follow you and you can't see us interacting in any way, it's totally okay to soft block me! 𖤓 ― for the most part, i'm very low-activity and low-maintenance. i understand that real life comes first and will never demand a response from you! i just ask that you offer me that same kindness. i'm open to just about anything, so please don't hesitate to send me ask memes or random starters/banter. in that same vein, i love meeting new people and making new friends, but i'm also very shy/very bad at talking OOC, so please don't take it to heart if i'm slow, especially on discord. 𖤓 ― i am a sl*t for ships and i will not lie about that. however, i will not forceship on you, so if it's not the vibe, that's okay! additionally, this is a multi-ship blog; exclusivity is not really my jam, but i am open to mains! if you wanna write (platonically, romantically, hatefully), we can fully plot something or wing it, whatever works best for you and your muse. 𖤓 ― to go along with the previous sentiment, i also do not operate under the guise that my choice of romance in game translates over to roleplay! i have every intention of treating each connection/thread like it's special & new and i will not, under any circumstance, assume our characters will interact a certain way based on my own personal headcanons and choices for aurora that i've made while playing bg3. 𖤓 ― general roleplay etiquette rules apply here. however, godmodding aurora is fine if it moves the plot along (fading to black, if you need her to move for whatever reason, that kind of thing dlfgmldf). 𖤓 ― i have finished the game, so spoilers are allowed and might be present, dependent upon our writing (as long as we've discussed it first!!! i don't want to spoil anything for y'all). if i post anything from later acts, i will tag it as such!! 𖤓 ― racism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia, incest, pedophilia, animal abuse, aging up child characters for the purposes of smut, dub-con and non-con, etc., are all unwelcome here. DNI if you fuck with any of these things.

credits: icon border / psd

[lnnlove]

leather and lace | e.m.

eddie munson x fem reader

summary: your band plays at the hideout on thursdays and you've always competed with eddie munson. when you realize your actual feelings towards him, you start sending messages in the songs you choose to sing and eddie notices. a (fr)enemies to lovers with mutual pining story where the upside down is never mentioned and the only conflict is the one that these two idiots in love create on their own.

word count: 10k

warnings: slight asshole!eddie, general angst, cussing, marijuana use, drinking, reader uses fem pronouns, mentions of harassment, beginnings of smut, if I missed any please let me know!

author's note(s): I did not fact check if all of the songs mentioned were released at the time this would be taking place (I feel like this is '87 or '88 and our boy got to graduate), please don't hate me! this is basically an open love letter to miley cyrus's version of heart of glass (when they sing heart of glass in the story, imagine this version) which obviously was not around then so if you can't ignore a few inaccuracies, don't read. also, i've just decided the fourth member of corroded coffin is named kevin instead "unnamed freak" or "freak 1" as he is referred to on wiki and imdb (😭).

here, have an accompanying playlist bc I love you <3

The Queens of Noise were what you sentimentally named your band after winning the middle school talent show when you sang the song of the same name by The Runaways with your four best friends.

"It's easy to sing the same words over and over again," Eddie Munson said to you backstage after the awards. "You just sang to the recorded song, you didn't even play your own instruments." That was the first thing the older boy ever said to you.

"Whatever Eddie. You're just jealous that we won," you replied to him with squinted eyes and a look that said eat shit Eddie Munson.

"First place doesn't prove anything except that the teachers like you better than us. It doesn't mean you actually have any talent," Eddie sneered, "come on guys, let's go."

Eddie brushed past you to leave the auditorium, jutting his shoulder into yours harshly as he walked past with his band Corroded Coffin following closely behind him, but Gareth actually smiled sweetly at you and your friends and Jeff quietly congratulated his sister standing behind you.

Ever since that day, everything you do is to prove Eddie Munson wrong.

Eddie said it wasn't impressive if you weren't playing your own instruments, so you learned guitar. Sarah switched to keyboard from piano lessons. Jess took up drums and Heather decided on bass. Tiffany (or Tiff as she preferred) got her brother Jeff to teach her guitar and she turned out to be better than you so you became the lead singer. The girls all help you on backup vocals and sometimes Sarah takes the verses of songs that require a more soprano voice, just like Stevie Nicks and Christine McVie the two of you like to joke with each other.

By the end of your freshman year in high school, you and your girls had solidified yourselves as the Queens of Noise and were practicing every other day in Heather's garage (much to her parents' dismay). You all decided to enter the talent show again next year.

You thought Eddie might finally see your group as a proper band according to his standards since your friends would be playing the music for One Way or Another by Blondie while you sang. But all he said to you after the show was "Easy for you to get all the attention when they're stuck with all the hard work," motioning to your friends behind you before brushing passed you to the other guys.

So you decided you could start playing the second guitar part under Tiff on some of your songs.

After you played on stage for the county fair in 1985, The Hawkins Post wanted to write a story about the band. You found out at the after party Tiff was having, so of course naturally Eddie was there with Jeff and the other boys too.

"Remember us when you're famous," Gareth joked and the other boys congratulated you in some way, but Eddie's competitive nature compelled him to say "Of course they want to write about it, all you know how to play is the hippie shit everyone loves."

"Don't talk about Fleetwood Mac like that man," Kevin retorted in your defense.

You dismissed his comment, but decided you could start training your voice to sing more like Joan Jett and Cherie Currie anyway. It had always been obvious to your friends why you made the decisions you did, but they knew better than to bring it up.

You thought he might finally be impressed during your senior year when the Queens of Noise started playing at the Hideout on Thursday nights and you consistently had a bigger crowd than Corroded Coffin did on Tuesdays.

"No surprise that the drunks of Hawkins would rather watch a bunch of girls on stage than listen to real music," Eddie claimed.

He loved to taunt you over the songs you chose to play, insisting that his metalhead preferences were better than the covers you did of Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, The Runaways, Pat Benatar and Blondie.

Although you and Eddie would never call each other a "friend," you were nearly always around each other. You even had to endure two extra years of high school with him because he refused to apply himself to academics. Your bandmates had gotten close over the years, bonding naturally over shared interests and participating in healthy competition any opportunity you got. Eddie had a good relationship with all the girls except you, who appeared to be a perpetual thorn in his side. It was fine because he was the exact same to you.

The other members of your bands could still give their all to the band while supporting and cheering for the other but you and Eddie, both as stubborn as you are, could almost never put the aggression of competition aside.

Jeff and Tiff were close as siblings, Sarah and Gareth finally took their flirtation and secret hookups to the next step and told everyone they were dating in '86, and even Heather, Jess and Kevin were close because they lived in the same neighborhood. All of that was great, except that it meant you had to run in to Eddie all the time at parties, movies, or the other's shows.

"For someone who doesn't like me, it seems like you're one of our biggest fans," he'd mock you when they got off stage.

"I just came to keep Sarah company asshole," you respond with rolled eyes.

"Whatever you say Y/N," he'd joke as he walked away from you.

It seemed like you'd had a version of that conversation after every show you went to.

Just like going to their nights at the Hideout, you'd been roped in to many movie nights at Jeff and Tiff's house before, and stopped being surprised when often times Eddie would join as well. It typically ended with you two in some type of disagreement about the movie being good or not, since Eddie considered himself such a movie critic.

It wasn't always that bad though. Eddie is the type of guy who always noticed when your drink was empty and was quick to get you another. He'd stepped in several times to say "Hey man, she said she's not interested," when drunk assholes harassed one of you at the bar or parties. You noticed he would always seem to stick close by after something like that happened.

"A tad flat tonight babe," Eddie announced to you after forcing the heavy back door of the bar open to join you in the alley after a show one night.

"Not right now Eddie, I'm not in the mood," you attempted to brush him off.

"What's wrong, can't take a little constructive criticism?" he taunted.

You scoffed and turned your back to him, hoping he'd take the hint and leave you alone. But Eddie is not very good at leaving you alone.

He circled around to face you, dropping his head to meet your eyes when he noticed the smudged mascara under your lashes and clear glassiness in your eyes.

"Whoa whoa, what happened?" he said, bringing a hand to your shoulder. But you look away from him, unable to meet the concerned expression on his face.

When you don't answer, he jumped to conclusions.

"Did some asshole say something to you?" he questioned you, "other than me?"

How is it that he can make you laugh at a time like this? As small and delicate as your little laugh was, it shot something much stronger to Eddie's core.

All you could do was nod, feeling silly in his presence for letting something like that get to you. You noticed Eddie's jaw clench when he raised his head and turned it to look behind you toward the door.

"What guy? What's he wearing?" Eddie asked.

You didn't want to answer. You didn't want him to do something irrational or even get hurt because of you.

"No Eddie," you whispered.

"Tell me Y/N," he demanded.

"Okay, he's sitting at the end of the bar wearing a white collared shirt."

You'd barely finished before Eddie tore off in the direction of the bar. You stayed out there another minute or two collecting yourself and wiping your eyes clean of makeup.

To this day you're not certain what happened. But when you got back to the group, the guy at the end of the bar was gone, Eddie had a bag of ice from the bartender on his right hand, and your friends didn't say a word about it.

He punched a guy out once when he came on too strong to Jess after a gig and now you know he'd done the same for you even though the two of you barely ever saw eye to eye.

You found yourself in the smoke circle with Eddie at every party and he'd always let you take the first hit of a bowl. He'd let you bum a cigarette behind the bar or outside of school any time you asked and would light it for you sometimes even though you never once asked him to do that. The groups would get together to go to movies and concerts sometimes, all piling in to Eddie's van and carpooling to the city.

"Ah ah ah, what's she doing here?" Eddie asked, eyes darting to you. He can't resist an opportunity to torment you.

"Come on Eddie, you know Y/N's part of the group just as much as we are," Jess defends.

"I'm the one who told you all about this concert in the first place, Munson!" you argue.

"Can't you two please behave just for one night?" Gareth asks from his spot behind Sarah, head hanging over her shoulder. She nods in agreement.

You and Eddie hold eye contact for a few moments, considering all of your options.

"I will if he does," you bite as everyone begins to pile into the van.

The groups' eyes trail to where Eddie towers over you, watching from their seats in the back of the van.

"Fine," he answers, "after you," motioning for you to take a seat inside so he can close the back door. You move to climb in and can't help but gasp silently when you feel his hand under yours gently squeeze to help lift you into the van. But when you look back to him once you're seated, he's already slamming the door shut and turning his back to you to walk around to the driver's seat.

He left you alone the rest of the night, but there were a couple of times you shared quick glances from where you danced with the girls and he was standing behind the group nodding along to the music. You almost thought you could even make out a smile on his lips. But that was wiped from your memory the second he looked away from you and back to the stage.

Sometimes you could swear you caught him looking at you across the room with a look that wasn't hateful. Sometimes he even did things that sent a jolt of warmth to your stomach. But that was quickly diminished every time when Eddie would return his attention to another girl or say something that reminded you of his disdain for you. You tried so hard to ignore the pangs of jealousy when you saw him with someone under his arm or the flutters in your stomach when he held eye contact with you. All of it just added to your confusion and the frustration you felt towards him grew with every broken gaze.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

That brings you to tonight, Thursday at The Hideout. It's 7:45 and you're getting ready for your weekly show at 8:00. The stage is all set and you're backstage with your girls, putting final touches on makeup and warming up for the performance.

"Shit," you hear Tiff utter under her breath after a snap echoes through the small green room.

"What's wrong Tiff?" Heather asks from her place on the couch.

"My string broke," she announces, stress lacing her voice.

"Shit," the other girls repeat.

"I don't have any extras," Tiff says anxiously.

"Okay, okay, don't panic. I'll be right back," you announce on your way out of the door. You know Eddie's here and maybe he has some extras. You'll just be a little late on stage.

You make your way from the green room behind the stage, into the office and then out to the bar where Eddie is occupying a seat talking to the bartender.

"Eddie," you call out nervously as you approach him.

"Y/N," he returns tensely.

"Do you have any extra guitar strings with you?"

"Other than the ones that are strung to my electric, no. Sorry sweetheart."

"Fuck," you mutter under your breath, secretly shuttering at the nickname but turning away from him and leaning your elbows on the bar, attempting to come up with another solution.

Eddie eyes your slumped figure and brows that are furrowed in contemplation.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"Tiff's string broke and we're obviously supposed to be playing in a few," you motion to the stage.

"Ah, that is quite the pickle you're in," he teases you, his mind calculating what you'll ask him next.

You think of something and sigh, closing your eyes and bracing yourself for what you're about to ask.

"Eddie...." you begin.

"Yes dear?" he mocks.

"Can we borrow your electric guitar? Pretty please," you utter with monotone.

Eddie exhales, puffing his lips and eyeing you sarcastically.

"That's a pretty big favor to ask without a cherry on top," he jokes. "Ask me again like you mean it." He says with squinted eyes examining you. He loves having power over you, there's no way he'll relent this easy. He'll make you beg a little first because he's reveling in the pouty expression on your face right now.

"Eddie please," you swallow your pride and begin, "if you care about me in any way at all, can I pretty please with a cherry on top borrow your guitar that I know is in the back of your van right now anyway?"

He fake considers for a moment, prolonging your torture.

“And what makes you think I care about you?” he asks, seriously.

“You're right, nothing. I wouldn't dream of you having any type goodwill towards me," he smiles at your response, quite satisfied with it. "But if you like me even just a little. I mean, not like me. but if you think I deserve any amount of kindness - "

"What'll you give me if I do?" he interrupts.

"Anything!" you shout impulsively, "Anything you want." You regret that instantly while considering all of the things he could ask of you.

"Jesus Christ babe, yes if you're that desperate, you can borrow my guitar."

You sigh, relieved, trying to ignore the twisting feeling the pet name causes inside you. Eddie stands from his seat and moves past you to the door to go retrieve the guitar from his van.

You stand, slightly in place as you awe at the fact that you just successfully asked Eddie Munson for a favor, and he said yes.

"You okay in there there?" he asks from his place a few feet away from you, interrupting your thought and grabbing your attention with a small wave in front of your face.

"Yes, Munson, I'm fine," snapping back to your normal self and rolling your eyes at him.

Eddie smirks, he secretly loves when you call him that.

“Good. For a second there I thought you might be in love with me or something," he jokes before turning around to make his way out of the door.

You curse yourself for not being able to think of a witty response and wait by the bar for the few minutes it takes him to return.

He hands you the guitar. "If you return her with even a scratch - "

"I know I know, you'll have my head," you interrupt jokingly, as you grab the instrument from him and turn hurriedly to leave for the girls backstage, not thinking of the many ways he could interpret that.

You return his guitar the same night with no mention of what he wants for his payment. He'd briefly considered asking for a kiss just to torture you, but quickly decided against that thinking it would be too much like the creeps who hit on you girls at the bar all the time. Eddie was not actually interested in coercing you into anything.

So Eddie decided to drop it, not wanting to hold anything over your head or make you feel like you owe him anything.

But a few days later, he opened his van door to find the new Dio and Judas Priest tapes he'd been wanting from the music store but hadn't bought yet with a note that simply said "thank you," in your scribbly writing that he recognized from class. You'd noticed him eyeing those tapes during your shift at the store and thought two tapes with your employee discount was the least you could do to thank him for saving your show.

Eddie smiles to himself at the thought of you doing something nice for him, even going as far as breaking in to his van to keep it a surprise. He chuckles to himself, thinking how out of character it was for you to do something sweet for him. Maybe, he thought, she feels the same. But he dismisses the thought as soon as it enters his mind. No, we're just even now. Nothing's changed, returning to his normal train of thought and strengthening his resolve to continue treating you as he always has.

Neither one of you ever bring it up again, but you have hope that maybe things are different between you now.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

The following Saturday was special because the band that was scheduled to play at The Hideout canceled and Sarah and Gareth convinced the owner to let Corroded Coffin and The Queens of Noise play back to back to fill in.

It was a big deal for both groups. You'd been playing Tuesdays and Thursdays for years, but a Saturday is different. Saturdays are for big groups, sometimes even from other cities. There's always a bigger crowd and one of the bands who used to play on Saturdays at The Hideout are on a small nationwide tour now.

Best of all, you'd be able to be there for each other's big moments front and center on the floor while the other group played on stage.

You and the girls practiced every day after work in preparation and even agreed to skip work the Friday before to finalize the details and make sure everything was clean and perfect. You all agreed on your strongest songs and put together a set you were really proud of. You were even going to debut a Blondie song that you've put your own spin on to see how the crowd likes it.

On Saturday, you and the others all arrived in the afternoon to begin setting up and warming up. You shared the green room backstage and it felt like any other night you all got together at Jeff and Tiff's. Gareth and Sarah were draped over each other on the couch, Jeff was playing some card game with Kevin and Heather, Tiff was tuning her guitar in the corner with Eddie who was strumming along to something, and you were sat at the vanity with Jess, sharing a joint for your nerves and deciding when to start your makeup and hair.

"Let me get a hit of that please," Tiff requests and so you bring the joint to her in the corner, holding it to her lips. After she takes a drag, you offer it to Eddie and he accepts quietly with a raise of his eyebrows. You let him keep it because you figure he'll want more than just on hit.

The boys were scheduled to start at 8:00 and then you would follow them at 9:00.

It was 7:00 when you broke the silent calm that had fallen over the room.

"Shouldn't we do a toast or something?" you suggest, "I mean this is kind of a huge fucking deal." You can't help the nervous laugh that falls from your lips after the realization hits you.

"We should," Jeff agrees, "we're playing a FUCKING SATURDAY SHOW!"

The group erupts in shouts, hollering cheers and praise for the situation you've found yourselves in.

"Okay then let's circle up," Sarah says as she jumps off the couch, pulling her arms around the two standing closest to her.

The nine of you circle up in the middle of the room, wrapping arms around each other and huddling together. Eddie stands across from you, gazing down at your excitement as he pops the cork out of the complimentary bottle of champagne left for your group and spraying the foam over all of you in the center of the circle.

"We all drink," he declares, pulling the bottle to his lips and taking a long pull of the lukewarm wine before dropping his head back down and returning his gaze to you.

He extends his arm, handing you the bottle. You accept it with an appreciative smile and take your pull.

"To...." Eddie begins, unsure of how to make a toast. "To us!" he shouts when you take your drink.

"To us!" the others chant in chorus.

"To us," you say when you finish your sip and pass the bottle to Gareth on your right.

Everyone passed the the bottle until it was empty, and then it was time for the boys to go on stage.

While the boys played, you and the girls were front and center to the stage moving to the music with each other and getting the crowd excited. You usually sang along but tonight you were trying to resist the urge so you could save your voice. Their music buzzed through the amps and speakers plugged in around them, vibrating in your chest. You danced and swayed with your friends to get yourself warmed up for your show.

The stage at The Hideout is just a platform that's elevated about three feet. If you're standing at the front of the crowd, you're still close enough in height to whoever's on stage that you can interact, something you've taken advantage of many times in the past while on stage and in the crowd.

From your angle below, the boys were backlit by the stage lights and covered in a warm halo that illuminated their forms. You couldn't deny how beautiful Eddie looked on stage. A natural performer, a personality that shined up there. You secretly ached at the thought that he seemed sweet and flirty with everyone but you.

The boys were great during their set. Of course they always were. But you enjoyed tonight more than any other night because it felt like they all were glad that you were there. There was such little animosity coming from Eddie that you almost thought he wanted you to be there instead of just accepting your presence. You even caught his glance a few times from your place below them.

During their last song, you had to leave the crowd and get backstage to take their place, but you were able to see the last song from the side stage. Gareth and Jess and agreed to use the same drum set, so all you had to do was walk out with your instruments, get Sarah's keyboard, and adjust the mics to be ready.

Suddenly you were wracked with nerves.

After their last song, you all cheered and whistled at the top of your lungs from the side stage so they could hear you over the rest of the crowd. You saw Gareth blow a kiss to Sarah and a blush creep up Kevin's neck.

"Thank you," you hear Eddie on the mic. "We are Corroded Coffin." Another cheer from the crowd. "Now please welcome our Queens of Noise."

Our Queens of Noise.

The possession in Eddie's words rung in your ears and froze you in place.

The boys were approaching you as they exited the stage. Kevin patted Heather's back in encouragement, Jeff hugged Tiff off the ground and told her to get out there, Gareth did his handshake with Jess before twirling Sarah off the ground and setting her down with a kiss.

Eddie spun Heather around and then moved toward you. He was glistening with a thin layer of sweat and his smile was contagious. His chest was heaving with breath and his delicious musky smell surrounded you as he casually enveloped your head in one of his arms and whispered "your turn" against the top of your head. Then you felt him release your head and his other hand on the small of your back nudged you forward. He was so relaxed, as if this was not the first time he's ever embraced you.

Yeah, things were definitely different now.

You took a step forward and shook off the surprise that had overcome you.

You were on fire during your set. You could feel your diaphragm tighten in your stomach as your sang deep, bellowing notes. In between your verses or the chorus, you'd dance back to back with Heather or Tiff, twirl and sway in the middle of the stage, shimmy to Jess in the back on drums and blow kisses to Sarah at her place on keys. Your stage presence was something you were proud of.

You noticed the boys squeeze their way to the front of the stage with their drinks during the third song, all nodding along and praising you all in their own boyish way. You think this is probably the closest Eddie's ever watched one of your gigs, and try to act unfazed by his closeness.

The last song of the set was your new one. You'd only sang it in rehearsal. Never in front of a crowd and never in front of Eddie.

You took a few deep steadying breaths before nodding at Tiff to begin her riff. You nodded along to the beat from her, Heather and Jess, closed your eyes and took a breath before singing the first line.

Once had love and it was a gas. It soon turned out, I had a heart of glass.

The crowd responded well, singing along and screaming for you.

You heard a loud whoop from Jeff with hands cuffed around his mouth and even a shout from Eddie.

During the break when Sarah took over with a keyboard solo, you take a moment to breathe and dance to the music from your friends around you. Below you, the boys were passing out shots and you notice Eddie raising one above his head, intended for you.

You squat to his level to accept it, offering him a quick clink as a cheers before standing, knocking back the shot, and jumping back in for the rest of the song.

Eddie thinks it might be the hottest thing he's ever seen. He swallows a gulp that rose in his chest and exhales deeply.

The crowd erupts into a chorus of cheers and praise on your last note and you inhale sharply to regain your breath. You smile into the mic and say thank you to the people in front of you. You gather with the other girls in the middle of the stage and bow while they cheer for you before turning to exit the stage.

Eddie calls your name from where he's standing by the corner of the stage as you walked down the stairs on the side.

You walk over to him, your heart pounding from the adrenaline in your system from the show and also from the look Eddie was giving you. He looked so good standing there with the stage light behind him and rush from their set still evident in his eyes. Maybe this is it, you think.

He exhales as you approach him like he had been holding his breath.

"That was great," he admits, his eyes taking in your chest rising and falling with heavy breaths and your post-stage glow.

"Yeah right Eddie," you scoff, rolling your eyes and turning away from him towards the bar. You're so used to his insults that you can't even register him being sincere.

He catches your wrist and spins you back toward him. You collide with him, bringing your free hand to his chest to steady yourself and look down to where he is holding your wrist between your bodies.

"I'm serious," he breathes, eyes trained down at where you stand pressed against him.

He towers over you with a look in his eyes that you don't recognize. Your breath hitches in your throat and you can't think of what to say.

"You were amazing up there tonight," he continues, "I couldn't take my eyes off of you."

Your lips part at his words and your insides twist. Every thought has left your brain as you stare up at him. His eyes are so inviting that it makes you forget all the things you'd planned to say to him for years when he finally admitted that you impressed him. Your gaze falls to his lips just for a second and you allow yourself a selfish moment to indulge as you imagine what he would taste like if you leaned in and just kissed him right now.

Your fallen eyes don't go unnoticed by Eddie.

Eddie begins to dip his lower to you when you're interrupted.

"Y/N, come on, the boys are buying us a round," Sarah says from behind you before crashing clumsily into your back, placing her arms on your waist and peeking around your shoulder to kiss your cheek, completely missing Eddie's expression and the moment that was unfolding in front of her.

She pulls you back and your wrist is freed from Eddie's grasp but you don't break your eye contact with him until she spins you around to face Heather, Tiff, and Jess who came along to collect you.

"What was that about?" Heather whispers in your ear as you're pulled into the group's embrace.

"I don't know," you whisper in response. But you think you might.

"He looked like he was going to eat you up," Tiff jokes, well aware of the implications in her tone.

You secretly wished he would. But you swallowed that feeling into your stomach, convincing yourself that there was no way he felt that way about you.

The girls giggle around you as they make their way to the bar to celebrate. You accepted drink after drink handed to you that night, but you weren't able to fully celebrate. Not when Eddie didn't follow you back to the group. Not when Eddie had looked at you that way. Not when you weren't sure what you were feeling in your stomach. Not when you could be putting yourself in the most vulnerable place you've been in in years. And especially not when you could be exposing yourself to someone who you're certain couldn't return the feelings you're having.

You didn't see much of Eddie after that Saturday at The Hideout. You went to your job at the music store every day thinking he may turn up, but he never did. He gave you the cold shoulder on his way out of the door when you tried to say something to him at their show on Tuesday and he wasn't at yours that Thursday. Avoiding you, you thought to yourself and tried to swallow the feeling that it elicited from your gut. Of course he was. How could you have been so stupid to hope something was there?

What you didn't know is that Eddie was hiding from you, worried that he'd revealed too much to you that night at The Hideout. Part of him wanted to reveal more to you. But he wasn't even sure himself what he felt for you. So until he figured it out, he was doing the safe thing and staying away from you. Except this coming Thursday because he agreed to cover for the bartender at the bar, so there's no way he could skip your show.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

You went back and forth between being certain the way he'd looked at you after the show was out of desire and thinking the way he was holding your wrist firmly was out of hating having to admit that you put on a good show. But either way, the taste you'd had having of him close to you was not enough.

So when Sarah told you at Sunday's practice in Heather's garage that the boys would definitely be at your show on Thursday, you couldn't help but ask "all of them?" sheepishly.

"I think so, why?" she asks, giving you a probing smile with raised eyebrows.

"No reason," you shrug off. "Think you ladies would be up to learning a new song for Thursday?"

They agree, exchanging knowing glances to each other as they took their places.

On Thursday, you arrived through the back of the bar so you didn't see Eddie until you were on stage. You could feel his eyes on you from his spot behind the bar but you refused to lift your gaze to him. He'd been giving you the cold shoulder for over a week and two could play at that game. Besides, your song choices for the night were bold and you thought you might chicken out if you saw anything in his eyes that changed your mind.

You sang I Hate Myself for Loving You and it meant more to you tonight than it ever had before. Your past relationships and meaningless hookups never once crossed your mind when that song came on, but one stupid tall metalhead with stupid brown button eyes and stupid long hair that you want to run your fingers through flashes through your mind every time you've heard it for weeks now.

Jess started playing the beat for your last song and you took a deep breath as you closed your eyes and felt the music surround you. Tiff came in on guitar while Heather and Sarah kept a steady bass line that you're certain was the only thing keeping your heartbeat regular.

We've been here too long, tryin' to get along. Pretending that you're oh so shy, you begin to sing.

You glanced at Eddie behind the bar who was watching you. You wondered if he recognized it yet and if his heart was racing like yours was at the sight of him.

Do you wanna touch, Do you wanna touch, Do you wanna touch me there? Where? There. Yeah! Yeah, oh yeah.

You have to hold the mic with both hands and screw your eyes shut to will yourself to finish the song without looking in Eddie's direction again. When you were done, you said "that's all for tonight, thank you" to your crowd and you quickly exited the stage.

While the other girls went the bar immediately for the post-show shot tradition, you took the opportunity to sneak out back for a quick cigarette, desperate for a moment alone to catch your breath before facing Eddie.

But of course he doesn't allow you that favor.

Eddie watched your attempt at a sneaky escape and followed you out after pouring the other girls their shots on the house and making sure there was no one else at the bar for drinks.

You were standing to the right of the door with your back to the wall when he came out, you had a joint hanging loosely from your lips while you clumsily searched in your pockets for a lighter. You'd realized in seconds that you didn't have one, but you were still using that as your excuse not to look up at him.

Eddie reached his arm to you with his lit zippo, raising it to your lips. You leaned in with your hands cupping the end of the joint, allowing the flame to light it and take a deep hit immediately.

You finally lift your eyes to meet Eddie's. He's staring hot daggers in to you. You swallow the feeling growing in your throat, becoming acutely aware that neither of you have said anything yet.

"You sing that just for me?" Eddie asks, taking a dangerous step closer to you.

"What?"

Eddie tilts his head in frustration, squinting his eyes at you. Annoyed, he snatches the joint from in between your lips and tosses it to the ground, ashing it with his toe. He can't believe the capacity you have to bother him.

"You heard me," he says, bending at his hips so he's eye to eye with you, lifting his hands to either side of your face and caging you into the wall.

Your breath hitches in your throat. Your insides twist into a knot and your legs feel like they're melting. He hovers above you, your lips only parted by a few inches. His face is tilted towards you and he's drinking you in, reveling in the way your eyes fluttered shut and your chest began to heave.

"I," you whisper unsurely. "Yes, I did."

"And yes I do," Eddie breathes before moving forward, admitting the answer to the question you were asking with your song and crashing into your lips.

He brings his left hand to cradle your cheek and uses his right to grab your waist and pin you to the wall. You ball his shirt in your fists to pull him flush against you before reaching your arms to rest on his shoulders and wrap around him, sending one hand to the nape of his neck and feeling his hair between your fingers.

"God, I hate you," you whimper as Eddie breaks from your lips to suck sloppy kisses into your neck.

"No you don't," he murmurs with confidence just below your ear before returning to your lips.

"No I don't," you repeat into his lips.

You part your lips for him, allowing Eddie to slip his tongue inside. "You drive me fucking crazy Y/N," he utters into your mouth and you mewl in response.

His tongue moves smoothly with yours and he tastes like the shot of whiskey that he took just before following you out here. He was warm against you, both your chests breathing heavily between you. Eddie trails his hands all over your body in exploration. You wondered if he could feel your heartbeat with how hard it was fluttering against your ribcage.

You realized what you felt pushing against your stomach is his hardened cock swollen against his jeans and you moan into his mouth, clenching your thighs together at the thought of him filling you up and becoming aware of the wetness pooling between your legs.

The noise drives Eddie wild. He reaches down, sweeping his large hand down your waist, over your hip and to the back of your thigh. He grips the dough of your thigh and hikes it up, hooking it around his middle and lining your warm center up with his throbbing erection. You gasp at the sudden friction you didn't realize you were aching for. It's just a taste of what he could give you. You feel his lips pull into a smile against yours, knowing the effect he's having on you. You consider giving in to him, right here.

Your mind races with possibilities.

Have I felt this way all along? Has he?

Is this how it will be from now on? Does he want that too?

What if he doesn't? He definitely doesn't. He doesn't know how much it would mean to you.

What if it's just this one time? You'd never survive that.

"Wait," you say, breaking your kiss and catching your breath. Eddie rests his forehead against yours, ready to jump back in whenever you're ready. "I can't."

"Why not baby?" he whispers against your lips, hot breath fanning over you.

Baby. It sends a fluttering to your stomach. Your heart aches. You want him.

"I'm scared Eddie." Your eyes are closed.

"Scared of me?" He pulls away and straightens in front of you.

"No," you open your eyes to see the pained expression that paints his face. You want to kiss it off. You bring your hand to cup his cheek and he leans in to it. "I'm just really scared of getting hurt," you feebly admit. Eddie is silent for a moment. You pull your hand from his cheek and hug it to your middle. His silence scares you and he stays silent for just a second too long. You turn to the direction of the parking lot and take one step, then another.

"No I would never - " he tries to assure you but he was a second too late. You're already walking away from him.

When Eddie returned inside without you, he was met with the barrage of worried faces of his friends.

"Where's Y/N?" Jess asked, stating the thing that was obviously on everyone's mind from the kissed out look of Eddie's lips that were swollen and stained slightly with the color you'd been wearing.

"She uh..." Eddie trailed off with his face turned to the side, unable to meet the concerned looks in their eyes. "She left."

A choir of questions sprang from their mouths.

"She left?" Heather asked quietly, dread tugging in her stomach knowing something must have happened.

"What did you do to her man?" Jeff asked at the same time.

But Eddie didn't answer. He knocked back a shot from the bar and walked away from the group, the sting of rejection still too fresh inside him to discuss it any further with the group while he was fighting the negative feels rising in his gut.

The group watched as he approached a table of girls across the room, and couldn't help the groans that they sighed out in unison with rolled eyes, realizing how completely unprepared they were for the fallout that was sure to follow Eddie's agonizing attempt to nurse his ego.

You drove home in tears, shaking from the sudden absence of Eddie you felt and sickness churning your stomach as you played the events back in your head. The shock eventually wore off and your tears slowed to a stop, but the nausea remained until you fell asleep that night, unsure if you did the right thing or made the biggest mistake of your life.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

You called out of work the next day, allowing yourself one day to wallow in self pity since you were now leaning more towards thinking you made a huge mistake. It seemed like your lips still tingled from the pressure of his kiss, your body felt hollow without his touch and you longed to feel it again. Your heart ached every time your mind betrayed you and flashed the memory of his wounded expression through your mind.

It wasn't until Saturday morning that the girls showed up to your house, forcing themselves in to confront your sullen state. You were asleep when they opened your door.

Heather climbed into bed beside you and mirrored your position on your side, bringing her forehead to yours and tracing a soft finger down your nose to wake you up.

Jess sat at the edge of your bed with a caring hand placed on your exposed calf and Sarah hovered behind her with her head hung over Jess's shoulder.

You took count of your friends as your blurry vision cleared before realizing one was missing, rolling over on your back to see Tiff with her head hung low to meet your eyes and hands on her hip. "Good morning," she greeted briefly, "now spill."

You sat up a scooted closer to Heather, making room for Tiff to slide into bed on your other side. Sarah and Jess sat at the foot of your bed, crossed legged and facing you, both clutching one of your excess pillows for comfort.

It feels like you've been in a variation of this arrangement a hundred times before, either cuddling or being cuddled by your girls while you or the other works out their problem. It feels the same as it has since you were little girls. Like nothing has changed in the decade you've all been taking turns crowding into each others rooms, only this time something has changed. Something huge.

You don't hate Eddie Munson at all. You love him.

You were afraid that he wouldn't feel the same, that he'd only planned to be with you once and things we be the same between you after.

But now you were more afraid of never having him at all.

When the girls left, you decided you'd suppress your fear and just call him. But when you heard to the dial tone for the eighth time, you hung up with a huff and looked up to your ceiling to choke back the tears that threatened to fall.

On Monday, you knew that he'd be at Gareth's for their practice. Sarah gave you the number for his garage phone and when you called, Gareth answered.

"Hello?" Gareth asked on the other end, kindness always evident in his voice.

"Gareth hey, it's Y/N."

"Y/N?" he asked, thoroughly surprised.

"Yeah," you said with your eyes screwed shut, "listen, is Eddie there?"

"Eddie?" Gareth asks, and you can hear him shift on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah," you say, embarrassed while you wait.

You hear unclear whispering in the receiver, mumbling from definitely more than one person.

"Um, sorry Y/N," Gareth returns, his voice dripping with uncertainty, "he's not here."

You gulp down the lump in your throat, knowing there's no way he's not there.

"Okay," you sigh, defeated. "Would you just let him know I called?"

"Yeah, I'll tell him you called."

"Thanks Gareth." And you hang up.

You thought about going to their show Tuesday, but the dread that filled you when the time came was enough to keep you away. If he was avoiding you, you didn't want to make it worse by forcing him to see you. Not yet.

So on the next Saturday when you saw Eddie passing in front of the music store window during your shift to get to Family Video next door, you blinked first to make sure you weren't imaging it. But before you could understand it, your legs seemed to be carrying you towards him while your brain was yelling at you to turn around.

You ran quickly from behind the counter, leaving customers alone in the store and you threw open the door, flying out of it and running after him before he could get inside the other store.

"Eddie!" you shout at his back.

He pauses, shoulders tense in his leather jacket as he stands up straight. He hesitates for a few seconds, making you afraid that he won't turn around at all.

But he does. And the stony look on his face makes you wish he hadn't. His brows are knitted together in a furrow and his lips are pushed together in a tight line.

"What do you want?" Eddie says, so calm that it unnerves you.

When you don't answer right away, he shakes his head slightly and sticks a hand out like you're inconveniencing him.

"Something you want to say?" he asks, his eyes staring at you, annoyed by your silence.

"Yeah, I.." you choke on your words.

"You what Y/N?" Eddie scolds, his eyes squinted at you the way they used to when he looked at you. Before. "Your stash running low? Need to buy an ounce? Someone's instrument is broken and you need to borrow one? Your car's not starting and I need to fix it?" His tone is getting more and more exasperated.

You can't form any words. All you can do is stand there and accept him berating you. His words hurt and your lower lip begins to tremble.

"Because unless it's one of those things, I don't know what you could possibly be talking to me for."

When Eddie finishes, he turns and walks away. You exhale and a tear spills over your eyelashes and down your cheek.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

"He hates me," you say on the phone to Sarah when you get back behind the counter at work.

"I don't know, Y/N I think maybe he's just hurt you know?" Sarah attempts to soothe.

You disagree.

"Listen Y/N," you hear Gareth say distantly in the receiver before a shuffle on the other end. "I've known Eddie a long time okay?" His voice becomes more clear. "And he's not very good at this kind of thing. He'd much rather avoid his problems than deal with them and right now that's you."

"Oh thanks a lot Gareth, I feel so much better," you joke.

"Not his problem," he says. "I mean... the problem is he feels rejected, like you don't feel the same about him."

You heart drops.

"What do you mean the same about him?" you scream.

"Shit," Gareth curses under his breath, "I've said too much."

"You're gonna have to say a little more," you threaten.

"Well, we all know it, Y/N" Gareth explains, "he's always teased you and stuff because he loves to get a rise out of you. I can tell he has feelings for you. The whole hating you thing was always an act because he got off on the wrong foot when we were kids and he kept it up because didn't know what else to do."

You can't believe what you're hearing. His words ring in your ears like a squealing amp and your breathing picks up.

"Oh my god," you whisper, dropping the phone while you try to grasp what Gareth has just told you.

"Gareth, why the hell have you never told me that?" you faintly hear Sarah reprimand him on the other end of the phone.

"Um, okay okay," you catch back up, "Gareth can you please just make sure he comes to our set on Thursday?"

"I don't know, it'll be really hard to convince him."

"Just do it!" you and Sarah yell in unison before you slam the receiver down.

You know what you have to do. You lost your words when you tried to talk to him so you just have to find someone who's already written the words for you.

✽✧✽✧✽✧✽

When Thursday came, you were hopeful things might work out. You took deep breaths in the mirror as you got dressed for your show at The Hideout. You were sure of your feelings now and you'd make Eddie see, one way or another.

Gareth came to you and Sarah on Monday to say that there was no way in hell he could get Eddie to the entire show on Thursday, so you devised a plan to get him there in time for the last two songs. So you knew you had to make the last two count.

You'd felt like you were floating through the entire day, like a puppet going through the steps of a routine, legs carrying you places without you thinking about it.

So when you found yourself in the green room before your set, the gravity of the situation finally started to set in as time inched closer and closer. Your stomach twisted into knots and your mouth went dry.

The girls noticed the shift in your spirit immediately and came to you with hugs and enough encouragement that your doubt was replaced again and you felt good enough to take the stage.

Your set went by in what felt like just a few minutes. You had your normal crowd at the tables and some in the standing space in front of the stage, including the three attending boys of Corroded Coffin. You silently wished time to slow down, you were so nervous for what was coming. So when you were playing your fifth song, Sarah nodded to Gareth who snuck away to the phone.

He dialed Eddie's number from memory and waited eagerly for an answer.

"Hello?" his friend answered. Gareth let out a sigh of relief.

"Hey man," Gareth began, "Do you think you could come get me and the boys? Jeff's car isn't starting."

"Uh yeah I guess, where are you?" It was a dumb question. He knew where they were.

"The Hideout," Gareth said with eyes closed and teeth gritted in suspense as he waited for Eddie's answer.

"Shit, it's Thursday isn't it?" Eddie cursed into the receiver.

"Yeah man, but they're almost done with the set so you don't have to stay or anything. And we'll wait outside for you," Gareth lied. He was trying to time it perfectly for Eddie to arrive for the last two songs and have to come inside when they weren't waiting outside for him.

"Alright alright, I'm leaving now."

"Thanks man, see you in a few," Gareth silently celebrated in place as he hung up the phone and made his way back to his friends for the last of your set.

It was almost perfect. You looked around the room but didn't see Eddie when Jess tapped the count off for Heaven Is a Place on Earth with her sticks and you had to start singing the first chorus. You try to ignore the worry that he won't come growing inside you and sing the song, closing your eyes for the first verse.

When the night falls down I wait for you, and you come around.

When you finished the first verse, you opened your eyes and see him. He was standing at the very back of the room with his back against the wall. It looked like he had just walked into the door and he wasn't planning on coming any closer. He kept his lips pulled together in a tight line, his head head slouching against the wall and he looked at you through hooded eyes.

You smiled as you continued the song, happy that your plan had worked. You couldn't help yourself and met his gaze as you sang baby, I was afraid before but I'm not afraid anymore, hoping he understood to true meaning behind the lyrics.

When the song ended, Gareth followed your gaze and saw Eddie standing at the back of the room. Eddie met his eyes and gestures for him to get the others and leave. Gareth is shaking his head rapidly at Eddie, refusing to leave. You knew you had to act fast.

You cleared your throat into the mic. Eddie stops motioning to Gareth and his attention snaps back to you.

"We have one more for you tonight, and it's new for us but I'm sure you'll recognize it." You pause for a few cheers from the audience. "It's um... for someone special who made it tonight," you murmur into the mic. "I hope they know who they are." The room falls mostly silent, spare a few whispers you can hear among the crowd.

"I think maybe a few of you do," you joke into the mic, hearing comfortable laughter fill the room. And with that, you nod at Tiff to begin the music.

There's a few seconds of music before you have to come in with lyrics, so you use them to take deep breaths and when you glance at Eddie, you notice he's already moved a little closer. There's no going back now, you think. So you close your eyes and start singing.

Tonight, I want to give it all to you. In the darkness, there's so much I want to do. And tonight, I want to lay it at your feet. 'Cause boy, I was made for you and boy, you were made for me.

You looked up to see that Eddie has moved to his friends and he's watching you. His expression has slightly softened and you think you can maybe even see a grin painting his face in the dim light.

I was made for lovin' you, baby. You were made for lovin' me. And I can't get enough of you, baby. Can you get enough of me?

You sing directly to him, holding his gaze that's he's trying to intimidate you with. He won't win because you're not scared anymore. He's the first to break your eye contact, turning his head when Jeff nudges him and he begins nodding along with his friends.

Tonight, I want to see it in your eyes, feel the magic, there's something that drives me wild. And tonight, we're gonna make it all come true. 'Cause boy, you were made for me and boy, I was made for you.

You continued singing, moving your body to the music on stage for him, but your eyes never wandered far from where he stood in front of you.

Eddie exhaled the breath he was holding in, giving in to his weakness for you as he watched your electricity on stage. Someone passed him a shot. He downed it without even stopping to ask what it was, smiling at the stranger and thanking them. He needed it for his nerves. He was not sure what he was going to do when you finished singing.

I was made for lovin' you, baby. You were made for lovin' me And I can give it all to you, baby. Can you give it all to me?

You draw out your last note slightly, and breathe deep with a heaving chest when your song ends. You smile at the applause, lower your head back to the clapping crowd and see Eddie weaving his way through the people to the front of the crowd at the stage, to you.

Your heart thumps at the sight of him coming towards you. Just as he approaches the stage, you bend at your knees and come down closer to his level. You're hovering just inches above him at this height, his head is turned up only slightly to meet your eyes.

Neither of you say anything as the crowded room is cheering around you. Eddie stares at you from his place beneath you and the heat flushes you, pink rising from your chest and into your neck.

Almost instinctively, Eddie surges forward and you meet him without second thought, bringing your empty hands to either side of his face.

You kiss him with desperation, as if you could kiss away the agony of the last week, as if you didn't kiss him like this he would disappear from in front of you forever, like this is your last chance.

The crowd erupts around you, cheers and shouting and applause filling the room. It causes you both to break your kiss because of the huge smile that spreads on both your faces.

"You sing that just for me?" Eddie breathes against you.

"Yes."

"You mean it?" he asks in disbelief.

"Every word," you promise, planting a sweet kiss to his lips as his insides burn up with your love.

Then you feel his hands reach up and grab your ribs. He applies the slightest pressure, telling you to jump, that he'll catch you. And he does. You wrap both arms around his neck and Eddie pulls you off the stage effortlessly. He lowers you with firm hands on your ribcage to straddle your legs around his tall frame and keep your lips trained on him the entire time.

"Yeah you're welcome!" Jeff shouts.

"See you later then? We'll just pack up here!" Jess yells from stage with sarcasm.

"It's about fucking time!"

The whistling and catcalling you hear behind you grow more and more distant as Eddie walks you to the closest door, unwilling to waste another second without his hands all over you. You lift one hand from its place on his back to give them all the bird.

You can thank them later.

[jasontoddswhitestreak]

something more

(originally posted by alpha-bug)

summary: where pietro confesses his feelings to you without actually confessing them to you, through a necklace. inspired by this prompt list.

content warning: pietro maximoff x fem!reader (i’ll try to write more gender neutral fics in the future!) obviously set in a world where he survives and civil war doesn’t happen. (friends to lovers, mutual pining and pietro being a sap.)

note: okay so this is my first fic in a while so i’m sorry if this sucks </3 i want to write more pietro/peter fics so please send requests ! (also lemme know if you can guess the movie bucky was confused about !)

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

masterlist

"You're staring." Wanda points out, idly watching the older twin stare at the person who clouded his thoughts, not that Wanda needed to read his mind to know that.

"Don't you have something better to do?" Pietro scoffed, unwillingly looking away to glance at his sister. She chuckled, turning away from her brother to check on the pot on the stove, before continuing to chop the vegetables scattered on the chopping board.

"Don't you?" She simply asked, humming to the song playing out loud from her phone, Pietro's eyes were drawn back to you.

You were explaining the plot of a movie to Bucky who stared at the screen in pure confusion. "I don't get it? He killed her but he loved her?" Bucky asked you, in response you shook your head exasperated. "You saw her give birth right after, how could she be dead if she was naming her kids Buck?" You asked, glancing up when you heard the footsteps of someone approaching you.

"You're not replacing me with this old man, right?" Pietro teased, moving to sit next to you, reclining back on the couch, arm around your waist. You rolled your eyes at what he said, automatically leaning into him as the three of you continued to watch the movie playing on the big screen in front of you. The two of you barely noticed when Bucky decided to leave, too caught up with one another to bother caring about what's going on in your surroundings. You pushed him away from you when he tried to steal the m&ms you were currently snacking on only for him to pour most of the packet into his mouth.

"You disgust me Maximoff." You scoffed, biting back the smile forcing its way up. "And you love it Prinţesă." Pietro retorts, his eyes meeting yours. You opened your mouth to say something but nothing could come to mind, it was common for Pietro to randomly call you nicknames but that doesn't mean you were used to it, especially when he'd use pet-names.

Your friendship with Pietro came as a surprise to the rest of the Avengers years ago due to the differences in your personality but if you asked any of them what they thought about your friendship now they'd complain about how clueless the two of you are to the other person's feelings.

Somehow in the chaos that the two of you called your 'friendship', the line between platonic feelings and romantic feelings blurred. Pietro isn't the type of guy to steer away from romance but this situation was entirely different to anything he experienced. He cant just tell his closest friend that he loved you, he couldn't tell you how when he holds you in his arms it pains him to let go. How could he tell you that? After everything that happened to him in the past, the wall he built around his emotions to protect himself began to crumble and you were the cause of it. Pietro always struggled to talk about his feelings, his past. He felt the urge to protect himself and his twin from anything that could hurt them, he didn't want to make the same mistake again.

The unintentional movie night led to the two of you continuing to hanging out in Pietro's room hours later. It was your nightly ritual to watch an episode or two of a show that Pietro usually wouldn't want to watch before the two of you go to bed. Pietro was in the far end of his room, fumbling with something in the palm of his hand while you sat comfortably in the middle of his bed, head resting on one of his pillows as you set up the show on the laptop.

"For someone as quick as you, you sure are taking your sweet time doing whatever it is you're doing."

Pietro glanced back at you in surprise, almost like he forgot what he was supposed to be doing, too busy staring at the dainty chain tangled in the palm of his hands, with a small engagement ring at the end, in place of a pendant capturing all of Pietro's attention. It was fit for a petite woman. The silver was slightly scratched. Two slightly larger silver stones surrounded a slightly larger stone, although quite dull at first glance the engraving on the inside showed was still noticeable.

"I'm in no rush, dragoste mea." He chuckles, shoving the necklace into his pocket before moving to take his shirt off to put on a different one while continuing to speak. Your eyes followed his movements, subtly admiring his body as his muscles unintentionally flexed which resulted in you feeling your cheeks heat up, quickly looking away to not get caught checking out one of your best friends.

"You know I still don't know how I feel about Vision hanging around my sister." Pietro confesses, his overprotectiveness towards his younger sister evident as he continues to replay what occurred during dinner hours ago, Wanda confessing she wouldn't mind moving to a rural neighbourhood with Vision instead of staying at the Avengers Headquarters.

"People can't control who they fall in love with Pietro." You sighed tiredly not realising the irony behind your words, it wasn't the first time Pietro mentioned his hesitation towards the Android.

"People can't, robots can." He scoffed, walking to the dresser to put away his shirt, now wearing a pale blue shirt instead of the charcoal grey T-shirt he was previously wearing.

He moved to the bed, sitting beside you before shifting around to get comfortable. Your hand reaches out to the laptop to begin the episode only for Pietro's hand to place his above yours, stopping you.

"Since we're on this subject..." he paused to pull the necklace from his pockets before holding the necklace out towards you, letting the ring dangle from the chain between the two of you, twisting and turning because of the sudden movements.

You glanced at Pietro in confusion, eyebrows furrowed. He then pulls the hand that was covered by his own and turning it so your palm faced upwards, dropping the necklace in your hand. You held the necklace between your fingers, admiring the gems on the ring before noticing the engraving etched on the inside of the engagement band.

"I+O?" You read out the engraving in confusion, eyes meeting Pietro's soft gaze. He paused for a bit, struggling to put together a sentence that wouldn't cause the wall he created to completely collapse.

"Irina and Oleg, my parents. This was my mother's engagement ring. It was apart of the few belongings they've managed to find after what happened." He gently takes the necklace from you, signalling you to turn away from him so he can put it around your neck. Gently pushing all your hair to the side you felt goosebumps rise wherever Pietro's fingers grazed on your skin, the familiar heat rising in your cheeks once again.

You were secretly relieved that he couldn't see your reaction, the unspoken tension between the two of you currently was unbearable. You looked down at the ring, twirling it around with ur fingers while Pietro continued to speak.

"We decided that Wanda should keep our father's ring since he barely acknowledged me as his son, let alone a person." Pietro chuckles dryly.

Pietro turns you to face him, palm resting on your left cheek. "It looks good on you Draga Mea." He compliments you, eyes glancing down to your lips ever so often. "Why did you decide to give it to me?" You whispered, struggling to find your own voice.

Pietro's mouth curved into a smile, his thumb gently stroking your face

"Can't you tell?" He asked.

"Hmmm i think I'm going to have to hear you say it." You teased, smiling up at him, arms sliding around his neck pulling him closer towards you. He rolled his eyes feigning annoyance before telling you what you wanted to hear.

The next morning Wanda lightly knocked on her brother's door, wondering why he wasn't at breakfast. Waiting a couple moments for a response Wanda slowly opened the door only to be met with with the two of you lying in bed in each other’s arms,  the laptop ended up at the edge of the bed as you completely forgot about it after the events of last night. Pietro had his arms tightly wrapped around your waist while your head rested on his chest, the two of you smiling contently.

"They're good for each-other." Wanda whispers to her partner who stood beside her.

"They are indeed."

[daenerys-daario]

Etherealdany is nothing more than a pathetic liar and a fucking coward.

Okay, just to be clear, here is a list of CRIMES that @etherealdany had committed:

she was in tumblr a while back with a group of mutuals who were very much into puritan shipping. however, she wasn't. she was into asoiaf (a piece of problematic media) and hence her ships were also problematic (possibly, age-gaps or incest). because she felt pressured and was apprehensive about revealing her ships, she quit tumblr and went to twitter. later she rejoined tumblr, but obviously didn't contact the people who would probably shame her for her ships. so, these people thought navya shipping whatever she wanted and not wanting to be in a negative fandom space is "a betrayal" and that "it felt like a personal attack".

Firstly, I have a genuine question for you people:

Do You Guys Hear Yourselves?

Do you realise how utterly deranged, petty and out-of-touch you sound?

Somebody shipping whatever the hell they want is not a violence against you! Somebody going in and out of online-fandoms or irl-fandoms is not a violence against you! Somebody staying in touch with their old friends or is not a violence against you!

I did not know that we are doing a live-action version of Mean Girls! "On wednesdays, we wear pink! And then Navya didn't wear pink on a wednesday! And now she even dares to go and sit at another table. And then she was even laughing and enjoying with those other people! Now, she says she doesn't like pink, but blue?!?! And she didn't even give us an explanation or jusification!"

Listen... I am not a stereotypical high-school girl from a 90s romcom movie. So, I don't care.

Secondly, I wish I had your problems! I truly truly do. I would sincerely pray to god that at least in my next birth I would get to be you! You guys seem to be living my dream life!

I wish I was so privileged that one of my chief issues was that an internet friend I had two years back, started to ship something I hate or stan a character I hate!

I wish I had your level of problems. Compared to yours, my level of problems seems to be on a completely different level.

During my high-school years, I had to stop someone from physically assaulting my friend in the middle of a road, and now they are my good friend! During my college years, people who called me names behind my back were the ones who stood up and (physically) fought off political party members who came to harass me. Classmates who plotted against me during college are the people I would gladly shake hands and hug, whenever I meet them for a reunion. Because in hindsight, those matters seemed trivial and petty, and I could only laugh at our pettiness and foolishness.

These are the level of fights-between-friends I am used to. This is the society I've lived in. This is the level of maturity and magnanimity I deal with on a daily basis.

So, these complaints of "she stanned a fictional character I didnt like and didn't tell me" can only seem ridiculous to me! They would seem ridiculous to anyone in my society. In fact, they would seem ridiculous to anyone who has to actually deal with people in their daily life and whose world is not limited to internet drama.

So, please understand that these "receipts" that you bring only expose how privileged you are, instead of exposing Navya. Also, despite searching high and low you could NOT find any true "crime" to pin on Navya, except that she lied about her ships and the chaaracters she stanned.

Just reflect on that.

Thirdly and lastly, just... how much effort did you put in for this?

You had to take screenshots of all these old blogs that you had to find. In fact, this upset you so much that you were taking screenshots for a whole day - from morning 6am, to 9pm to midnight!

Then, you had to make it sound controversial. After which, you send this ask to over 20 people who interacted with the blog of @etherealdany. Not just her mutuals, or her followers, even people who ever reblogged something from her! You found that many of them don't have anon-ask on. You had to create an empty fake blog. Then, send these exact copy-pasted asks to over 20 blogs.... Is all this effort worth it?

This is not me mocking you or being sarcastic:

A Genuine Piece of Advice: Don't invest this much time and effort into things or people you hate! You are giving Navya too much power over you!

This almost seems like you have a secret-crush on Navya!

Maybe Navya reblogged a post of yours with a rude comment - either reply to it, or you can block and move on! In fact, block her and all her mutuals and friends, and then continue with your fandom life. Curate your fandom space. Or maybe she was your friend and she ships something you find disgusting, tell her that you can't continue to be in contact with her, then block and move on!!

Or else, be like me: understand that people have different tastes and thoughts, and they don't exist solely to cater to your whims. Many of my mutuals ship things I dislike (not just in asoiaf fandom but other fandoms too)! It is not a crime that I need to accuse them of. If I really can't stomach the ship, I'd use tag filtering so that I dont have to see it on my dash.

I wish I could live in your world - where everyone had the same thoughts as mine, and stanned the same characters, and shipped the same things; and any deviation was a heinous crime. And I could claim to be "betrayed" when I find it to be otherwise.

Unfortunately, I live in the real world! I have bigger things to worry about. In short,

And I would ask you to kindly exit my blog

[there-will-be-a-way]

About me 💖

Since this is a mental health blog, here's a bit about my situation. ☘️

After being in therapy for years, I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and C-PTSD in early 2016. Because of personal reasons I had to terminate with my therapist in 2017. After years of searching I finally found a new therapist in 2021, but we put therapy on hold until I'm in a safe and secure environment.

Since my mental health issues are making me unfit for work and the state refuses to give me social benefits, I have no other option than to live with my parents. Soon I'll be out of here, though. 💚

Because I am very isolated in real life, I use this blog to connect with others. So if you want to be friends, feel free to chat with me. 💖 I'm awkward and disappear for a couple of weeks sometimes, but I'm friendly and non-judgmental and I can send you cute pictures of my pets. 💖

What content to expect from this blog ☘️

On this blog I focus on trauma recovery, especially recovery from abuse, although I rarely speak about it directly. I mostly reblog posts that I find comforting, encouraging or that express feelings I am unable to talk about. I try to add image descriptions to my reblogs, but sometimes images go undescribed because English isn't my first language and I don't know all the words. 😬 I also add common trigger warnings. If you need me to tag anything else, please let me know and I'll do my best!

My personal posts are about all sort of mental health and personal growth related topics. Since I have DID, you might see some of my parts around. Some of them tag their names, others don't. If you don't know who of us you're talking to, you can call us Linn which is our collective nickname. 😊 Please use they/them or she/her pronouns when you speak about us as a whole.

Who I am as a person ☘️

I am a 23 years old, bisexual person from Germany who has a lot of different hobbies and passions.

First of all, I am a fitness enthusiast. I love all kinds of physical activities, but my favorites are strength training, roller skating, swimming, yoga, cardio drumming, running, hiking and dancing. (But I can't dance well. 😏)

Occasionally I do art. This comes and goes in phases.

At the moment I am working on writing my third novel. Ever since I can remember, I have been a story teller. 📖 I also love to read, especially medieval fantasy.

Playing video games is another one of my hobbies. My favorite games are The Witcher, Skyrim, Minecraft, The Sims, Stardew Valley and Animal Crossing.

Fpur years ago I went vegan for the animals, the environment and my own health, but I already stopped eating meat ten years ago. 🌱 Animal rights are important to me.

So are human rights. 😊✌🏻 If you discriminate against other people for whatever reason or spread hate, we probably wouldn't get along well.

Boundaries ☘️

Just be kind and respectful. That's all.

You can always send me asks or chat with me, but I kindly ask you not to trauma dump in my inbox or expect me to diagnose you (I'm not a therapist bro). If you ask me for advice, please keep in mind that I can only speak from personal experience and take everything I say with a grain of salt - and please warn me before sharing possibly triggering content with me. 😇

Unless I say so in my personal posts, I am not looking for advice from strangers. If we are friends or have been good mutuals for a while, I appreciate your input, though. 💖

To keep myself safe and stable, I have a lot of tags blocked. If we're mutuals and I go from interacting with all of your posts to being really quiet, know that this has nothing to do with you. It's just me taking care of myself.

If I unfollow or block you, know that this isn't anything personal either! 95% of the time when I unfollow or block someone, it has to do with triggers I haven't find ways to cope with yet.

That's it. If you read all of this, thank you. 😊💖 Have a wonderful day. ☀️

[katedrakeohd]

A Choices: The Royal Masquerade Fanfiction

Pairings :(MC) Julia Aster x Renza Fierro,

Julia Aster x Kaydan Vescovi

Author's Note: As I transferred this story from writen page to digital it occurred to me just how long it was becoming so I've had to break it up into several parts.

...........................

Part One:

A State of Undress

The morning is sunny and warm on the day of our cruise on the Fierro yacht. I’m standing outside in my courtyard with my steward Vasco waiting for Renza’s carriage to come pick me up. As I smooth my hands down over my corset and skirts for the hundredth time, Vasco notices my nervousness and smiles.

“I suppose this will be your first time on a sailing ship M’lady,” he says.

“Yes, it will.” I nod.

“I’ve heard that Lord Hector is a very honourable man. Are you anxious to meet him?”

To tell the truth I’ve barely thought of him at all today. And it’s not Hector or the boat trip that have me feeling anxious. Since we’ll be with the Fierros, that means Kaydan the Crown Shield will be around too. And these days he has occupied my thoughts more than anything.

“I’m hoping Lord Hector isn’t as dull and strange as Lord Emery is. Such a disaster that dinner was. If it weren’t for Henry rescuing me with a new plate of dinner after Cyrus and Emery left the table I would have starved to death.”

My pet wolf cub Astro scampers around the courtyard threatening to trample the flowers. His antics have stolen Vasco’s attention and my comments go unanswered. I shrug and go back to my own thoughts.

Ever since I met Kaydan Vescovi the night of the masquerade, I haven't been able to get him off my mind. Just being around him with his dark eyes, wavy black hair and strong muscled physique is enough to make even the most sober person feel a little intoxicated. When he smiles at you and gives you his full attention it's like nothing else matters. I consider myself a lucky woman to have had the chance to spend so much time with him these past few weeks. As the Crown Shield wherever King-regent Henry Fierro goes, Kaydan isn't far behind. Between both handsome men being around lately it's like receiving two beautiful presents for your birthday when you're only expecting one.

During the joust when Kaydan and Henry both sought my favor, it was such a thrill. But when the swords came out after they had both been knocked off their horses, I realized that the rivalry goes much deeper. Fortunately the duel ended without anyone getting seriously injured. I know they're friends and I would hate to see them ruin that because of me. But still I must admit seeing Kaydan win was exciting.

In the stables after the joust Kaydan told me that it had been fun to fight Henry in front of the crowd. Being able to knock his half-brother Cyrus down a peg anonymously as the Black Knight had also been satisfying for him. His victory takes the title of Champion of the Tournament of Flowers out of noble hands. I enjoyed cheering with the other spectators, even if I was the only one hoping for Kaydan to win.

Henry is all sunshine, winks and flirty smiles. There's no wonder all the single ladies at court clamor for his attention. There's no mystery to him and he wears his heart on his sleeve. He radiates a perfect example of wealth and privilege. When I'm around him I’m polite and friendly. He's given me no reason to doubt his intentions as Crown Regent are genuine. But for me all I feel is loyalty not affection.

Kaydan is all long looks, secret smiles and quiet respect. Although he was born of nobility, he's not considered one of them. He's accepted his place as the bastard son and chose a life of hardship and responsibility in the guard.

Henry may have his name and noble house to hold him up, but it's Kaydan's humble strength and sense of duty that protects him. I admire Kaydan for that, although he won't accept the title of hero no matter how often he's earned it. There's more to Kaydan than his imposing presence. I'm drawn to him in a way that goes beyond the physical, and I’m determined to know him better.

He's worked his way up through the ranks to become Crown Shield, and earned the respect of many along the way. I've sought out his expertise in matters of security, and he's always seemed pleased to have my company. Sometimes when we're alone we comfortably lapse into conversation and he lets down his guard a bit.

In the short time we've known each other we've developed a mutual respect and kinship. When we're alone I'm just Julia the scribe, and he's just Kaydan the black sheep and we're comfortable with that.

I hear Renza's carriage approaching and take a deep breath to prepare myself to be in her company. She's as brash and confident as her brother is charming and sweet. I never know what she's going to say or do when we're together.

Vasco steps forward to open the door of the carriage for me, “Are you entirely sure you don't want me to travel with you your Ladyship? There's room for one more in the carriage.”

As I take his offered hand to assist me up into the carriage, I smile and shake my head. “I'll be fine with Renza. Please make sure that Astro is fed and properly put away for me, and then join us at the marina later for the trip.”

Vasco nods, bowing to me, “As you wish.”

Tucking my skirts around my legs I settle down on the seat opposite Renza. Once Vasco has closed the door behind me, Renza looks me over critically from head to toe and then shrugs.

“Well good morning to you too,” I jest.

“My dear Julia, please tell me you don't expect to impress Lord Hector wearing that?”

I can't help but take offense to her remark since I am wearing a gown in the rich tones of blue and gold that represent my noble house. The House of Aster. I’m not sure if her jab is an intentional insult to my house or my sense of style, so I try my stoic best to deflect it as irrelevant.

“Honestly Renza. If I must marry someone for the sake of politics, what does it matter what pretty wrapper I am presented in?”

It's not like I'm that excited to be offered up to Hector as some sort of trophy wife.

“You may say that now, but you don't need to sound so bored and dismissive about the prospect of a match.”

“I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound that way. I'm just distracted. My poor sister has still not awakened, and suddenly becoming the head of my household is overwhelming. I've barely had the chance to figure out what that even means, and now I am expected to marry myself to a total stranger to support the Crown. Whatever happened to falling in love and getting married. That's what I really wish I could do.”

Renza laughs, “Oh you're such a Romantic. Don’t forget that you're a noble now. Marriage for nobles is a contract with obligations, land titles and bank accounts. Romance is for affairs outside of marriage. Why are you so hung up on love and romance anyway? Is there someone you've had your eye on?”

“I…well. I don't want to say. That's between him and I.” I can feel myself blushing.

“Ok fine, but I'll find out one way or the other. I bet a little wine will get you talking.”

Before I can turn her down, Renza has already opened a bottle of red wine and poured me some. It's still morning but apparently Renza feels that drinking wine is appropriate for all hours of the day.

When the carriage turns off of the main road and onto her Manor's private lane one of the wheels bounces over a rock. I gasp in surprise as the wine in my goblet splashes over the front of my dress.

“Oh no! This is a disaster.” I cry.

Renza produces a handkerchief out of the bodice of her gown and offers it to dab at the wine stains.

“Well that's a shame. But look at it this way. Now I’ll have the excuse to put you in a dress suitable to impress the pants off Hector and your secret lover.”

I hand her back her handkerchief, shaking my head. “We're hardly lovers.”

“Not yet. You may have been able to charm the minds of men at court so far with your cleverness and wit. But leave it to me and your looks will charm the rest of their…parts.”

I roll my eyes, “Oh please Renza I’ve already gotten my fill of Cyrus and his brand of sleazy charm. I don't want all the men at court to start talking to me that way. I implore you to at least keep some shred of my dignity intact.”

As the carriage comes to a stop, I look out of the window and marvel at the grandeur of the Fierro Estate. Renza escorts me to the dressing room attached to her bedroom to get changed. The opulent furnishings of even this room put most of what I have back home to shame.

Renza wastes no time in helping me get out of my dress. As I stand in my underclothes she gives me another critical inspection and I feel myself blush.

“H..happy now?” I stammer.

Renza's surprised expression takes me off guard, “More like impressed! With a body like that you could make a bedsheet look alluring. I'm almost tempted to send you out like this.”

Crossing my arms across my chest I frown at her, “Renza, seriously. Focus.”

She gives me another critical inspection, making me feel even more uncomfortable.

“Natural beauty aside, whoever tied this corset isn't doing you any favors. Here let me fix it for you.”

I back away, holding up my hands. "No, no. Leave it alone. I like being able to breathe thanks.”

She sighs and then steps away from me again. “As you wish.”

I'm still standing in just my underwear as she continues to talk.

“So are you curious about meeting Hector at all?”

“I'm mostly curious about what kind of person he is.”

“Well professionally all that I can tell you is that he is a trade expert hired by the merchants across Cordonia to help improve their business.”

I try to sound interested, “So he's …business minded.”

Renza scoffs, “Well when you say it that way it makes him sound stuffy. Lord Hector sails the world and visits all sorts of interesting places. Imagine the fascinating stories he could tell."

I nod, "Well then I guess he doesn't sound so stuffy after all."

Renza smiles, looking relieved "Good now let's get you dressed. Stay here while I fetch you something to wear."

She gives me a wink and then leaves me alone. I feel self conscious, exposed and plain in such a fancy room. When I hear the door open suddenly I turn around expecting Renza. But instead it's Kaydan!

"Lady Renza, I found the --... "

He stops short and his eyes go wide when he sees me, "Julia!"

I feel myself blush to the roots of my hair, but as shocking as it is for him to see me in my underwear, I can't help but feel a rush of excitement too. My heart is pounding like crazy in my chest, but I flash him my bravest smile and place my hands on my hips and ask, "Looking for something?"

He's still standing there rooted to the spot and gaping. "I..I wasn't expecting -- .."

"Hmm?" I smirk at him, stepping closer.

He clumsily shuffles backward, trying to avert his eyes from seeing so much of my bare skin.

Renza re-enters the room and gasps, "Crown Shield, what in the world do you think you're doing?"

"But..but.." he stammers, looking at us both.

"Out, out, out! Now!" she shrieks.

He quickly shields his eyes and mumbles his apologies as she pushes him out of the room and closes the door.

"The nerve!" she exhales with relief.

Biting my lip and trying to hide my grin, I giggle. "I hope that he enjoyed that as much as I did."

Her mouth drops open and her eyes sparkle with amusement as she laughs, "Lady Julia Aster, you saucy minx!"

"What? Accidents happen. Besides he knows this is your room so I could ask you questions too."

Renza brushes off my remark and raises her chin giving a haughty retort, "Well this is my house after all. Quit avoiding the issue. Out with it, you like him don't you. And here I thought it might be Henry."

Breathing a sigh of resignation I admit it, "Yes, Kaydan is who I'm interested in. Please don't tell anyone. I know he's not noble."

Renza laughs, "True, he wouldn't improve your social standing as a match, but he's definitely an impressive piece of man to have on the side. If you're saying there's more to him than what's on the surface then I must say congratulations to you both."

I open my mouth to protest that Kaydan is more than just a side piece, but then decide to change the subject. "If I'm to impress Kaydan or Hector today you better give me something to wear."

Renza blinks, remembering the gown she has in her arms. "Of course, where was I?" she hands me the dress. "You're sure to grab attention in this."

As she lays the shimmering blue and white silky and sheer fabric in my arms I am amazed at how light and airy it feels. It's surely worth more than my entire wardrobe.

I stammer as I thank her, "Are..you sure about this? Have you nothing more plain or modest?"

"No, no I insist. Consider it my engagement gift to you. It never fit me properly anyway. Hector won't be able to take his eyes from you."

Or Kaydan either, I thought to myself.

I nod gratefully and step into the dress, "Well thank-you, could you help me fasten the lacing in the back?"

Renza smiles as I turn around. She adjusts and ties the satin lacing a little tighter than necessary, and I find it difficult to breathe. Is she jealous that the dress fits me better, or is she feeling spiteful and wanted Kaydan for herself?

As I turn back around and catch sight of myself in the mirror I can't help but smile.

Behind me I catch Renza's expression and she looks annoyed as she says, "Alright then now that you're wearing a properly fitting garment, let's be off, the carriages await."

...

Continue on here

Tagging:

@gardeningourmet @samihatuli @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @dcbbw @mfackenthal @bobasheebaby @pedudley @be-still-my-aching-heart @krishu213 @ibldw-main

[vantekay]

thankful for you

its (almost) officially the new year! although I am writing this post in advance, its a new year and its time for some fresh starts.

I wanted to start this new year off by making a thank you post to my mutuals, anons, and followers; starting out with my mutuals. Also this will probably be pretty long and sappy so just a warning haha.

@peachyuns was the first mutual I made on this site, we met over the dora au that plagued Twitter and freaked out over it together, although we don't talk as much anymore she still helped me kick start this blog! she sent me some tumblrs who did the hex code layouts I told her I wanted to start and I will forever be grateful for that, never forget how talented and sweet you are, I love you tam 💕.

@couture-kookie was the second mutual I made on this site and helped me a lot when it came to understanding how to make a masterlist 😂 we would send each other memes and talk about how ugly twitter is and I always laughed when we would message. You are such an amazing writer and an amazing person! I love you court 💕.

@melonkooky was the next mutual I made and I am so grateful for her as well. She helped me with this blog a lot too, mostly just me spouting ideas out and her telling me I should go for it 😂 but it was the motivation I needed to get this blog to where it is now even if it isn't too big right now. You are so sweet and funny and just an amazing person, not to mention talented at writing. I love you mina 💕.

@bangtanmssg thank god I got the balls to message you about making your masterlist for you. I'm so glad we met, and I'm so excited to be an admin for you new blog! It makes me so happy to know that you have enlisted so much trust in me and I hope you know I trust you a lot too. you're such a sweet and caring person and I hope we can grow as friends. never ever lose the light that you possess, because believe me when I say you can make anybody's day better just by being you. I love you sol 💕.

@vantaeta we met through the new blog! I was very nervous when I first messaged you about the theme of the blog but you were so nice it melted all my worries away. We clicked pretty much instantly and I'm so grateful to be working with such a funny and kind person. You are super talented and I hope you have happy days forever. I love you rae 💕.

@triviamang , you are so so so sweet and caring its so endearing and makes me happy if that makes sense haha. you have such a pure soul and I'm so glad we became mutuals. You're so talented at writing and I'm so excited to see how your account continues to grow, hopefully our friendship can grow along with it :) I love you ness 💕.

@ethertae you are absolutely lovely and I love you. we don't talk much but thats okay! seeing your posts on my dash makes me so happy. You are an absolute sweetheart and I love being mutuals with you. You are incredibly talented and such an interesting person, I hope we can grow closer this year :) I love you kina 💕 .

@namiiy I am so glad we met, you are the brightest and most positive person I have ever met. You've made my bad days just those little bit brighter and made me hopeful for the next days to come. Thank you for always being so kinda and having such a beautiful soul. I love you nam (sorry idk what to call you ah) 💕.

@taes-strawberry we only just met but! you are so amazing and incredible and just all of it. I thought our first convo would be awkward but it was so easy to talk to you and that is so amazing to me. I love how alike we are and I really hope we continue to be crackheads together. I love you rahmah 💕

to all of you I just made little messages for, please never forget that you are loved and valued. and if you ever need someone to talk to I am here :)

to my handful of anon friends:

I really do love you guys a lot, your asks never fail to make my day even if it’s something as simple as a hello. I always thought it was kind of silly when I saw other and bigger blogs posting simple asks and saying that it made their day until I actually started receiving them myself. even if you think whatever you have to say isn’t important believe me when I say it is. please never hesitate to send me an ask- anon or not- and tell me about your day, tell me something good that happened to you recently or even tell me something you just need to get off of your chest. I’m the kind of person who loves to help others, I always give advice and I always try to help to the best of my ability and knowledge so please always know that I am here for you, and if you don’t want everyone on the blog to know about what you’re going through you can always just message me privately! I promise it will always stay between us. my messages are always open for anybody and any situation :)

to my followers:

thank you guys for being here for me and enjoying the content I put out on this blog. I’ve always somewhat felt bad about myself as a content creator (though I feel like I shouldn’t even call myself that cause I do the bare minimum compared to other really good art or writing blogs but thats just me) because I don’t put out things like fics or reactions but that’s simply because I don’t feel confident in my writing abilities and I would be afraid to make assumptions about the boys personalities and just all that stupid stuff but even still, I hope you guys can always find something you like on this blog. I’m a very indecisive person who changes their mind a lot and is always wanting to learn and explore new things so this blog will probably have a wide array of things on it within the next year or so, and I hope you guys will stick with me through all and any content changes I may decide on. I have never been confident in myself as a creator but through this blog I am starting to find worth in the things I put my time and energy into, and I will always be eternally grateful for that and the only way I can think of expressing my gratitude for this is by saying thank you.

I haven’t been on tumblr long- if I remember correctly I made a blog in june maybe but didn’t start posting my own content until around august but I can’t remember- but in the short amount of time I have been, I have made incredible friends and laughed so so so much. I haven’t really talked about it openly on this site, but this year was probably one of the hardest, longest and most mentally draining I have ever had. Life was rough, I went through a lot of hardships and found out more about my mental health issues and how to start coping with them, I moved from my childhood neighborhood and started a whole new life at the peak of my highschool career and faced (and still facing) a lot of anxiety issues because of it but thanks to this blog and the amazing people I have met through it and the people I follow I have been able to end this year with a smile on my face, high hopes for the future, and dreams I feel I can actually accomplish. I said it before and I’ll say it again although I feel as if it doesn’t really express how thankful I am, thank you all for everything. My experience on this site has been nothing short of joyful and I hope it stays that way for a long time. I hope you guys, no matter if 2018 was a good or bad year for you, can also go into this new year with a little bit of hope and happiness for yourself and whatever you wish to achieve in the future. thank you for an amazing end to this year :)

[disease-danger-darkness-silence]

I am lucky enough to know some amazing, wonderful people. My mom and my sisters (two blood sisters, Ashley and Nicole, and two adopted sisters, Cally and Alyssa) are the best people I know. Hanners, my beautiful ex-girlfriend and best friend, has officially known me for half my life and I'm proud to call her a part of my life. Kenzie, Sylla, La (my internet daughter), Kondy, and all of my old GA friends have been there for me through the worst ten years of my life. The Team Peen Please chat was there for me at my lowest and has done nothing but help me get my shit together. They're amazing.

And of course, I have a fuckload of friends I met through tumblr, other internet mediums, and IRL.

But one of the best things to ever happen to me was meeting Raven.

Back then she went by her deadname and different pronouns, but a mutual friend introduced us before she was out of the closet. It wasn't a spark or anything - we just became pretty good friends because of karaoke and stuff. From the moment I met her I thought she was hot, but I didn't really think anything of it. I find lots of people, of multiple genders, hot. Next. Lol.

Then everything with her ex went down - she was isolated from the meager support she had for almost a year. I never saw her and she lived across the street from me. When she realized how toxic it was, I offered her a couch to crash on, and she took the offer (eventually).

And so she moved in with us.

And then shit with MY ex went down. She made herself scarce for a bit before coming back and then more shit went down with her ex.

During all of this, my mom and Ashley were dealing with shit, and Cally was working insane hours to both keep her department afload and pay the bills (because like a goddamn rockstar, Cally is supporting both of us while we get our shit together. Words cannot express how much I owe her and more than anything I want a good job so I can send her on a real vacation to the ocean, because goddamn. She has fucking earned it). Everyone was busy - they had a job or school or a big move or health issues or whatever. It's fine, and I don't hold any grudges. You have to take care of you, especially before you can take care of anyone else.

But cuz of that isolation, Raven and I just hit a spot where all we had was each other. It was unhealthy for a while, but we are working hard to not get to that point again, in therapy and with each other.

This last summer, some other shit went down that really cemented us as a unit and basically y'all are stuck with us as a pair for the current foreseeable future.

Cally calls her my girlfriend. That's... Not really accurate. It's a different kind of relationship - not strictly platonic, romantic, sexual, or whatever. It's just... Different. In a good way.

I say this because I want you to understand that I mean it when I say that Raven isn't just hot, sexually attractive, or pretty. Raven is beautiful. She's pretty, but she also will educate you on the topic of, idk, nationalism as a national religion, or the toxic underpinnings of Ayn Rand's work, or the Cthulu mythos as an exploration of Lovecraft's inner fears of race wars and stuff. She's smart. She's funny. She's gorgeous. The amount of times she's made me laugh over the last 48 hours, when I didn't even realize how badly I needed a good laugh (she did, of course. She always knows, somehow)... Just. Damn.

I am blessed to call her family, to call her my friend. Yeah, we sleep next to each other, but we're so much more than a couple. She's the love of my life, but it's so different from a romantic or sexual relationship.

I'm so lucky to have met her. I'd be dead right now without all of my support structures, but I'm really alive because of Raven.