#also if anyone else reading this has vaginismus im here for u babes

[jesuistrestriste]

Also lmk of this is too personal but what was ur first time like... ive never done anything bcs i grew up ugly and awkward

ok reall bc i def had a bit of an ugly duckling phase in middle school/junior high but i feel bad talking abt my younger self like that ;-; it wasn’t her fault she was just growing into her face

but anyways ill be so candid, i didn’t do anything inherently sexual with anyone until i was 19 (which isnt even a big deal bc virginity is a construct and you can never begin having sex “too late”.. like u do whats best for u and ur life ! and dont EVER feel pressured to do something bc you feel like u have to catch up !)

ironically, that^ is kinda exactly what i did lmao. my freshman yr of college was when covid was happening so everyone was off campus and doing online classes, so when sophomore yr hit i reallyy locked in to the whole ‘uni experience’. i didn’t do anything sexual in high school and then i felt like i was in this whole new environment and was ready to do that sort of stuff, so i did what a lot of ppl were doing at my university: i went on tinder.

my first time doing stuff was with a guy i had talked to for a week or so, and it was a less than savory experience to say the least.. he was just kinda all over the place, a bit overzealous and whatnot, but he was also pretty kind and respectful when i told him something was too much or whatever. i’ve had partners since then that i’ve had much better times with ! it’s all about communicating and finding people you trust and finding those who truly respect you and your body (and for the love of god don’t find people thru apps if you’re looking to hook up with someone. maybe it was just my city but 80% of the people were just such unpleasant individuals. i also blame myself a bit bc i think i could have done a better job at judging their characters beforehand but life goes on. i was young and dumb. zero dating apps on my phone now.)

!! i did also find out that i have (had?) vaginismus back then, which basically makes penetration rlly difficult, impossible, and/or painful bc your muscles involuntarily tighten (gripped a little tooo good..) but i’ve worked through that now and im a-ok. but that rlly pushed me to get comfortable stating my boundaries when i was getting intimate w people bc i had to tell them that i didn’t wanna have penetrative sex !

i personally feel like sex—penetrative or not—is a pretty intimate thing and porn culture is really working to minimize the importance of being in the moment and being in your body. instead, it’s placing a huge emphasis on the ‘need to perform’ (esp for women/femme presenting people). idk if that makes sense eek. but basically it’s ok to be yourself, it’s ok to take ur time, it’s ok to go slow (in more ways than one), it’s ok to have sex with people you’re not in a relationship with, and it’s ok to have sex with people you are in a relationship with.

at the end of the day: just protect ur own boundaries and body, communicate, and never go to bed with someone you wouldn’t let your dearest friend/sibling go to bed with. you deserve kindness and respect ! and if the other person gives it to you, it’s only fair to give it right back !