#also if any of my rp buddies see this… I ame getting there w my replies I prommy

[urfaveautisticlesbian]

I’ve had a marvel summer every summer since 2021. 2021 was Wandavision and Loki, 2022-now is spiderman to. Varying degrees.

[laksebarn]

Ⲓ ⲥⲇⲛ ⳽ⲉⲉ ⲧⲏⲅⲟⳙⳋⲏ ⲩⲟⳙ Ⲱⲉ ⲇⲅⲉ ⲧⲏⲉ ⳽ⲇⲙⲉ Ⲓⲧ'⳽ ⲣⲉⲅ⳨ⲉⲥⲧⳑⲩ ⳽ⲧⲅⲇⲛⳋⲉ Ⲩⲟⳙ ⲅⳙⲛ ⲓⲛ ⲙⲩ ⳳⲉⲓⲛ⳽ Ⲏⲟⲱ ⲥⲇⲛ Ⲓ ⲕⲉⲉⲣ ⲩⲟⳙ Ⲓⲛ⳽ⲓ𝖽ⲉ ⲙⲩ ⳑⳙⲛⳋ⳽ Ⲓ ⲃⲅⲉⲇⲧⲏⲉ ⲱⲏⲇⲧ ⲓ⳽ ⲩⲟⳙⲅ⳽ Ⲩⲟⳙ ⲃⲅⲉⲇⲧⲏⲉ ⲱⲏⲇⲧ ⲓ⳽ ⲙⲓⲛⲉ... ���𝖺𝗄𝗌𝖾𝖻𝖺𝗋𝗇

ᴵᶰᵈᵉᵖᵉᶰᵈᵉᶰᵗ ᶰᵒᶰ⁻ˢᵉˡᵉᶜᵗᶤᵛᵉ ᴺᵉʷ ᴬᵍᵉᶰᵗ ᵀʰʳᵉᵉ ᴿᴾ/ᴬˢᵏ ᵇˡᵒᵍ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵖˡᵃᵗᵒᵒᶰ   ᴹᵒʳᵉ ᵇᵉˡᵒʷ ↴↴

For Mobile Users: 『Laksebarn』 Independent non-selective New Agent Three RP/Ask blog for Splatoon  ✺SFW (More info below) ✺A bit nervous! ✺Multiship w/ chem! ✺DMS (should be) open! ~~~☁☁☁~~~

【Credits】

➷Icon: Me <3

➷Banner/Background: https://www.usgs.gov/centers/alaska-science-center/science/usgs-transboundary-river-monitoring-southeast-alaska#multimedia

➷Pinned: Splatoon 3 ~~~☁☁☁~~~ RP Rules etc.

🍣Very Friendly🍣-  Mun and Muse are very friendly! Come on a drop an ask or something! We will rp with almost anyone! I will accept OCs and multifandom. Though if I feel uncomfortable I will politely refuse the offer. Also, I will rp crack. Dms (should be) open! 

🍣Group Threads🍣- I love group threads, however, I am very strict with them since they’re somewhat hard to pull off. First off, you need to communicate with me and the other person that you want to rp with. Another thing is, is that you cannot just, “jump in.” Unless stated otherwise.

🍣Multifandom🍣- I am a multifandom Agent 3, which means I will RP with characters that are not of my own fandom. Though again, if I am uncomfortable I will refuse the offer. 

🍣OCs🍣 - Regarding OCs, I will not RP with any oc that I do not think is fit. Though I am very open to OCs.  All I request is an adequate, “about page.“ 

🍣Respectful🍣 - Just cus’ I’m friendly doesn’t mean I don’t deserve respect! Please respect both Mun and Muse. 

🍣Non-NSFW🍣 - Please do not send anything NSFW in (but violence is okay. And there’re some exceptions. It’s mostly up to mun tbh.)

🍣Ships🍣 - This is a multi-ship blog. Ships will not overlap unless requested. 

🍣Things you should know🍣 - Just be aware that this is a secondary blog and I’m not always on point and might reblog to my main account, Midori’s RPs (BUT DON’T WORRY I USUALLY CATCH IT AND FIX IT.) Another thing, if a post gets lost please come and tell me, I promise I won’t bite. It also takes a long ass time for me to respond so be wary of that. If there’s anything we need to chat about please contact me. 

🍣Contact and Tagging🍣 - If you want to contact me just pm me or use the @ function to tag me. However, please do not tag me in the tags if you want me to see something since I do not want to have to dig through everything. 【Mannerisms】

[[ - Mun talking

CrackRP:

** - An action

Without quotations - speaking

Serious:

“” - In character

Without quotations - (Either an action or a description)

Crack RP will not be canonical to the account unless I want it to be. 

Most times it won’t be so if you bring it up to Sal in character she might not know what you’re talking about! ~~~☁☁☁~~~ Muse

【Name:】 Sal

【Agent:】 New Three

【Species:】 Inkling

【Pronouns:】 They/Them She/her

【Age:】 19

【About: A rather feral inkling, She has trouble talking and is prone to being quiet. They are similar to Captain 3 in that they’re work-focused and take their missions very seriously. They don’t really care for any conversation or formalities. Except when it comes to their salmonid brethren. Around Little Buddy and co, they are often seen following orders or helping out. Sometimes even conversing or playing with them. She’s a lot more sociable when it comes to salmonids, this is probably due to their past. They’re also a lot louder and more exuberant in their speech. They don’t really seem to like the others that much. Even if others seem to like them. 

They also have a small school of salmonid, comprised of three smallfry; Pineapple, Grubb, and Little Buddy.

[ruby-whistler]

info taken from the research conducted by @/tower-of-deceit, all recorded responses were and remain anonymous. just some psychoanalysis of the fandom’s opinion on c!dream, since i ran through all the answers to one specific question and picked up some interesting patterns. (link to original post) /dsmp /rp

people who don't like c!dream have said these things about c!dream enthusiasts in the survey (enthusiasts being apologists, sympathizers, and enjoyers, they didn't use these terms but it was easy to sort either way). picked up some rough stats and intriguing responses based on reading every single entry on the sheet.

90% "enjoyers are ok, apologists aren't"

3% "enjoyers are ok, sympathizers and apologists aren't"

2% "don't care, to each their own"

2% "i don't understand c!dream sympathizers"

2% "i like sympathizers' analyses"

1% "apologists are ok"

that three percent interestingly enough seems to display a rather large bias.“He was always a villain … claiming that characters like Wilbur and Tommy made him a villain … It's these people I can't stand.” "the second you say he's misunderstood or the real victim or that wilbur...is the real manipulator..." this is very biased and not based on objective evidence. c!wil's not ‘the real manipulator’ whatever that is, but he did manipulate c!dream into becoming a villain, (courtesy of cc!wilbur being a genius writer and actor) setting the trend for how c!dream would act later on. another person said. "people who excuse his actions or try to say that the others ‘turned him into’ a villain are where it crosses a line." there is evidence c!dream was in fact turned into a villain. he was a misunderstood good guy shifting towards morally grey up until the 16th when he snapped full villain mode. this fall from grace was in no way his own choice, and he was villainized for long beforehand. 

it is interesting to me that people deny proof because they feel such strong negative emotion against this character. "i respect their opinions as long as they dont sympathize w him or think he's morally correct." is another one of the clear anti-sympathizer anti-apologist ones. "why though? he has no backstory ... he wants power and complete control and there are no established plot reasons for him to want [one big happy family]." "theres a lot of mystery surrounding him and i can see how it would be fun to theorize abt him and stuff. but i dont trust sympathizers lol" people are strongly misinformed about c!dream, either unintentionally or intentionally, which i find interesting. 

“if you unironically call yourself a dream apologist / sympathiser??? get well soon” "if you like him bc u think he can be redeemed/he's not a bad person ... get help" “that’s fine lol but also are you okay ?? do u need someone to talk to ???? is everything alright ????” honestly, all of the people saying c!dream sympathizers need help reminds me of jawsh’s statement that all stans are mentally ill. that’s an (insensitive) insult, not an argument.

"I strongly encourage those who like him to get some therapy" i actually was at my therapist's yesterday and she said liking fictional characters is a-ok. your point?

most of the people who are confused honestly just don't seem to have the information about the character's actual arc, which i think says a lot about the fandom. "i am confused, he's almost irredeemably evil" "I don’t really know why you’d like c!Dream ... he’s not exactly meant to be super sympathetic" "I’m confused by people who see him as sympathetic. He’s only ever done people wrong and doesn’t regret any of it." “I wish they had more of his reasoning to base their sympathy on” “I simply dislike the debates on morality, whos good or bad, where the question often is ‘is dream really that bad?’ Or ‘could there be a way he is justified in this?’ and the sympathy to him where he clearly shouldnt get any.” “????? I would say its because hes a jerk but people who really like him dont really seem to think of him as a jerk so im really not sure” so many people have no idea about the actual character or the enthusiasts’ reasoning, it’s honestly kind of sad.

reponses like “they’re wrong” and “they’re crazy” genuinely cracked me up the first time i read them, sure buddy-

either way, you’re allowed to feel uncomfortable around or dislike c!dream. it’s just the harassment c!dream enthusiasts face (proven by this research) and well, it does grind my gears a little when well-written characters get misunderstood, i must admit.

either way, have a nice day,

- ruby

[kazeofthemagun]

♛ itsa me xD

Send me a url and I'll tell you the following:

@cursedfortune

🔮 my opinion on;

character in general + how they play them: Merging these cuz Mortem is an OC - okay so here goes an ESSAY! Mortem ily. What an amazing character concept with spectacular execution to boot. A strong and unapologetic woman with a willpower the size of a goddamn mountain. I'm always intrigued by characters that either represent natural forces or become them in their own right, since human morality only partially applies at that point and it is fun to explore. This is also one of the reasons she gets along so well with Kaze, but that's a topic for a lil bit further down. First of all, Mortem has intriguing backstory and I am always eager to learn more about her - and there is definitely a lot going on there, considering how long she's lived (and will still live). She has faced conflict in her extended lifetime that would break a normal person thousands of times over, but still manages to maintain her persona of choice. And her personality is delightful whether she's in the light or dark end of her spectrum - she can be both a positive force, and a negative one, depending on the swing of her pendulum (a metaphor describing her nature as a balancing agent that aids both "good" and "evil" in order to reduce stagnation). She's one cheeky witch, lol. Definitely has a way with words and the comedy aspect of her never fails to make me laugh - which does not in any way reduce the impact of her horror side: If anything, it only enhances it! Her magic I also enjoy since it's based more around a traditional, historical interpretation with several interesting twists added. Do not get me wrong, I also enjoy flashy anime magic (I play Kaze haha) but it's definitely refreshing AND intricate in how folklore elements blend with original ones so seamlessly ^^ All in all, we have ourselves an A+ character here. AND AN A+ WRITER WHEEEE -

the mun: Ahhhh you are the BEST. Friendo. Pal. Buddy. I love writing with you. Seeing you on my dash always brings a smile to my face. Seeing a notification from you brings a bigger smile to my face. You're super chill to talk to OOC and very reasonable - all around I can just relax and chat at you and feel so comfy doing so. You're so considerate to people and your blog(s) is so welcoming. It does go miles for folks like me who are just, shy. (Even if I'm a chatterbox by nature XD) Such a nice person and a friend I am so glad I made. Our content that we've created turned out so beautiful. We just vibe on the same brainwave length I feel, even sending each other the exact same thought at the exact same time lol! You pour so much passion and love into what you do, your work is splendid and intriguing, I love it. Just, a gem. 10/10. I'm happy to write with you and talk to you any day. <3 and d r a w o u r n e r d s

🔮 do i;

follow them: HELL YEAH and you *glares at mutuals* should too

rp with them: also HELL YEAH

want to rp with them: *deep breath* also HELL! YEAH! whenever you vibe it.

ship their character with mine: You've done the impossible?? of actually having Windy open up more and feel more comfortable expressing what love he still can. Even though he knows he cannot love like a mortal anymore due to dedicating himself so thoroughly to his purpose - just like Mortem. And the best - and most bittersweet - part of it all is that they both just know this. And accept it. And with this mutual acceptance, some walls unexpectedly went down - and they harmonized just so well. I love to see it. Is this a conventional ship? Idk - but it's as close one will ever get to shipping with Kaze and that's a damn treasure. So, once again hell yeah I do. I love it. To quote my disaster of a summoner - "Ridiculous. Do it again."

🔮 what is my;

overall opinion: *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkly eyes* *Moogle sparkl*

10/10

[theshinsun]

I was tagged by @gaytaiga, ily buddy <3

1.name/nickname: Shinsun/Shin

2.gender: trans man

3.star sign: Leo

4.height: 5'7″

5.time: 11:33 pm, time to Start homework eheh... (I say and then procrastinate w things like this)

6.birthday: August 20th

7.favorite bands/groups: Mother Mother, Nothing But Thieves, The Neighbourhood, Silversun Pickups, Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, Muse, Bad Suns, Jukebox the Ghost, Rainbow Kitten Surprise... etc

8.favorite solo artists: Hozier, Regina Spektor, Florence and the Machine, Janelle Monae, Shearwater, Gregory Alan Isakov, khai dreams, Bug Hunter

9.song stuck in my head: I’m Your Wreck by Mt Joy

10.last movie: Into the Spider-verse, for like, the tenth time I don’t care I’ll never get tired of it.

11.last show: if a youtube series counts... I watched My Pride by tribbleofdoom, an artist whose animations I’ve been following for many years (it slaps check it out if you like badass gay lionesses)... otherwise, my roommate and I binged Ouran all the way through... twice in a row bc that’s how quarantine has been.

12.when did i create this blog: I think I originally made it in 2012, deactivated for a bit, then came back in 2014.

13.what do i post: a lot of KNB/Haikyuu!! meta, select other fandom things, fanfic and some of my art, animals, cool facts and memes. 

14.last thing i googled: “how big do goldfish get” specifically to prove a point to a customer.

15.other blogs: I’ve got a few (inactive) rp blogs still floating out there in the ether, @incorrectbballboys is my incorrect KNB quotes blog, which I started after the demise of @incorrectknb. @shintillating is my current art blog (though I may be rebranding soon if my teachers have anything to say about it) @ihavefishues is my fish sideblog bc yes that’s a thing that exists, and @stuckonloop is my music rec blog, for whatever happens to be stuck in my head at any given time.

16.do i get asks: uhh... sometimes? every now and then I’ll get one about my fics or headcanons, or if I’ve reblogged an ask meme recently. my incorrect quotes blog gets some too, once in awhile.

17.why i chose my url: I’ve said this before, but some asshole has been holding onto the url “shinsun” since 2012 with a Blank Blog I shit you not... 

18.following: 1,371... my dash is never boring. honestly most of them are probably inactive now, but I’ve been accumulating for seven years, in my defense.

19.followers: 662. I still have no idea how it’s that many tbh my blog is all over the place.

20.average hours of sleep: lately? like 6? unless we’re talking consecutive hours, in which case it’s closer to 3 or 4, I am... not doing so hot.

21.lucky number: none, I cannot stress enough how little I believe in luck.

22.instruments: I have a guitar, but it needs tuning and I haven’t learned to play it. I did learn to play a recorder in elementary school but idk if I still can.

23.what am i wearing: my undershirt from work and basketball shorts that are my pajama bottoms.

24.dream job: something where I can work with animals, help people, and/or create art (preferably without pain)... otherwise the what and how have gotten pretty fuzzy now.

25.dream trip: all around the world. no, really, I want to see everything. ...for something more realistic, I’ve been really drawn to the idea of roadtripping up the west coast all the way to Alaska lately.

26.favorite food: chocolate cheesecake. anything involving chocolate and/or cake, honestly. ...also this one specific fried jumbo gulf shrimp from this one specific restaurant in my hometown; no seafood place here on the coast has even come Close to matching it.

27.nationality: 'murican

28.favorite song: f-favorite? uhh right now I’d have to say Moral Panic by Nothing But Thieves, but I know that’s not the answer I gave last time I was asked this.

29.last book i read: I just finished The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones. I also recently plowed through Alice in Wonderland in one day, I’m trying to get back into reading books again.

30.top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: Avatar universe and Narnia. once I would have said H*rry P*tter universe, but it’s been ruined for me so fuck it, Animorphs universe (yes I’d take that human and alien gore-fest over H*gwarts at this point, I’m not playing).

Tagging: @bakugoukatsuki-rising, @hybristophilica, @choking-on-roses, @vanilla-daydreams, @ruluxe, @hadenxcharm, @spaztictwitch and anyone else who’d like to tbh

[nostallgias]

        ☆ . * (  kristine  froseth,  cis  female,  she  /  her  )  hey,  look  !!   indigo  ‘indie’  dahl  aka  @nostalgias  is  online  and  ready  to  write  another  anonymous  post  on  the  broken  hearts  club.  rumor  has  it  they’re  here  because  she  ran  away  from  her  hometown  to  escape  her  family  and  ex  lover.  out  in  the  real  world  she  is  a  musician  /  bartender.  the  22  year  old  is  known  for  being  flighty  &  impetuous  but  make  up  for  it  by  being  vivacious  &  determined.  if  they  were  to  describe  themselves  they’d  say  they’re  chipped  nail  polish,  lipstick  stains  on  cigarettes,  driving  with  the  window  down  and  their  favorite  song  is  gold  dust  woman  by  fleetwood  mac.

        hello  everyone,  i’m  so  happy  2  b  in  this  rp   !!!   my  name  is  diana,  i’m  twenty  yrs  old,  a  libra,  and  reside  in  the  est  timezone.  some  quick  facts  abt  me  ...  i  am  a  girl  group  stan  and  lana  del  rey  enthusiast.  i  also  luv  cats.  anyway,  enough  abt  me,  u  can  learn  abt  my  muse  indigo  under  the  cut   !!!   my  discord  is   missing blackpink hours#5522  so  pls  hit  me  up  there  or  in  the  im’s  for  plots   !!   i  cannot  wait  to  get  started  <3   tw:  briefly  mentions  alcoholism  &  drugs

☆ . *   𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒔    !

full  name :  indigo  dahl

nickname(s)  :  indie

zodiac  :  sagittarius  sun,  gemini  moon   (  click  )

sexuality  :  bisexual

alignment  :  chaotic  good

pinterest  :  click

☆ . *   𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌𝒈𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅    !

indie  grew  up  in  a  small  town  where  everyone  knows  everyone.  she  was  restless  and  curious,  but  there  wasn’t  much  to  do  in  a  town  that  small

her  parents  were  really  big  on  music,  so  there  was  always  something  playing  in  the  household.  it’s  safe  to  say  music  took  over  her  life.  she  started  to  learn  guitar,  then  later  bass

but  sadly  her  dad  left  them  when  she  was  still  young.  she  wanted  him  to  take  her  with  him,  so  she  could  finally  get  out  of  that  stupid  town,  but  he  left  her  with  her  mother  and  never  looked  back  :/

indie  and  her  mom  didn’t  get  along  too  well.  she  basically  planned  indie’s  entire  life  out,  down  to  who  she  should  marry.  after  her  father  left  them,  her  mom  wasn’t  rly  able  to  cope  with  it  too  well  and  she  kinda  turned  to  drinking,  and  the  music  that  was  always  playing  stopped  :(

indie  spent  her  middle  and  high  school  years  taking  care  of  her  mom,  who  was  too  drunk  to  function  at  all  times.  she  couldn’t  keep  a  job,  which,  was  fine  at  first  because  indie’s  grandparents  (  her  mother’s  parents  )  were  fairly  well  off,  and  they  could  live  off  of  them

that  was  until  her  grandparent’s  cut  them  off  after  finally noticing  their  daughter  was  an  alcoholic.  so,  they  were  pretty  much  left  with  no  source  of  income

indie  started  working  as  soon  as  she  was  old  enough.  she  worked  two  jobs  in  high school,  which  didn’t  leave  her  much  time  to  focus  on  school.  she  never  cared  for  school  anyway,  her  focus  was  always  music,  but  she  didn’t  even  have  much  time  for  that  anymore

her  mother  seemed  to  have  a  new  boyfriend  every  week,  men  who  always  acted  like  they  were  here  to  say.  all  of  them  tried  to  control  indie,  but  she  resented  every  single  one  of  them.  she  could  see through  the  lies

she  spent  most  of  her  time  away  from  home,  she  didn’t  even  like  sleeping  there.  it  didn’t  feel  like  home  anymore,  and  it  hadn’t  for  a  long  time

one  day,  one  of  her  mother’s  boyfriends  actually  stuck  around.  indie  just  kept  waiting  and  waiting  for  the  day  he’d  leave,  but  he  never  did.  her  mother  remarried

after  remarrying,  her  mother  kinda  got  her  life  back  on  track  again.  she  immediately  went  back  to  trying  to  control  indie  again.  indie  absolutely  hated  it,  but  she  was  happy  to  see  her  mother  in  a  good  place  again,  so  she  tried  to  fit  the  mold  

indie  barely  graduated  high  school  and  never  went  to  college.  she  continued  working  for  the  next  few  years,  saving  up  money  and  working  on  music

she  started  dating  the  guy  her  mother  chose  for  her.  it  was  okay  at  first,  but  the  spark  was  always  missing.  the  longer  she  was  with  him  though,  she  began  to  realize  that  he  wanted  to  stay  in  that  stupid  little  town  forever,  and  the  idea  of  spending  the  rest  of  her  life  there  terrified  her  so  much  she  decided  to  runaway

so,  she  packed  all  her  things  and  ran  away  in  the  middle  of  the  night.  she  drove  through  the  night  to  find  her  father,  but  when  she  found  him,  she  learned  he  had  remarried  and  started  a  new  family

deep  down,  she  always  knew  he  didn’t  want  her,  otherwise  he  would’ve  made  an  effort  over  the  years.  but  she  really  had  to  see  it  to  believe  it

and  that’s  how  she  found  her  way  to  chicago.  she  never  told  her  mother  where  she  went,  but  she  knew  she  was  looking  for  her  and  so  was  her  ex

her  grandparent’s  send  her  money  every  once  in  a  while,  and  although  they  aren’t  close,  they  understand  why  she  ran  away  and  want  her  to  have  the  chance  to  start  fresh

she  stumbled  across  the  forum  one  day  and  decided  to  join  it,  because  she  was  starting  to  feel  a  little  lost  and  it  has  helped  her  a  lot

☆ . *   𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚    !

indie  is  extremely  extroverted.  she  is  a  social  butterfly  and  will  befriend  literally  anyone.  the  tricky  part  is  getting  close  to  her,  though.  she  tends  to  keep  her  emotions  to  herself.  she  presents  a  version  of  herself  to  the  world,  one  who  is  always  happy  and  alive  because  she  thinks  that’s  the  only  version  of  her  that  people  will  like

she  has  such  a  curious  soul  !!  all  she  wants  to  do  is  explore  and  experience  new  things,  so  she’s  always  down  for  an  adventure.  she  loves  a  good  party  because  she  loves  to  be  around  people.  she’s  a  social  drinker  and  drug  user  (  except  for  weed,  which  she  smokes  a  lot  )

indie  doesn’t  have  any  idea  about  what  love  is,  but  she  knows  she  wants  it.  she  wants  a  great,  interesting,  devoted  love,  but  is  having  trouble  finding  it.  so  she  tends  to  have  a  lot  of  lovers,  but  they  mostly  end  up  being  casual.  she  gets  bored  easily,  so  if  it  isn’t  exciting  at  all  times,  she  kinda  dips  akjsdhsdjhk  it’s  her  fear  of  abandonment  

she  is  obsessed  with  the  70′s,  from  the  music  to  the  aesthetics.  stevie  nicks  is  her  inspiration.  she  loves  music  of  all  eras,  though.  she  loves  thrifting,  and  her  style  is  heavily  influenced  by  70′s  fashion

she  can  be  pretty  spontaneous,  but  also  reckless.  she  wants  everything  in  life  to  be  an  adventure,  so  it  has  gotten  her  into  trouble  in  the  past

hates  authority  figures,  literally  she  has  so  much  trouble  with  respecting  authority  now  because  she  feels  like  she  wasted  her  entire  life  doing  that  for  people  who  didn’t  respect  her

has  a  hard  time  taking  things  seriously,  except  for  music  because  that  is  her  entire  life

☆ . *   𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅  𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔    !

party  buddies  -  they  always  go  to  parties  together.  maybe  they  don’t  see  each  other  outside  of  parties,  maybe  they  met  at  a  party  and  became  close  friends  afterwards

drinking  /  smoking  buddies  -  someone  she  can  drink  or  smoke  with.  maybe  they  have  a  more  casual  friendship,  but  anytime  they  hang  out,  they  share  some  interesting  conversations

confidant  - someone  who  confides  in  her  or  someone  she  confides  in,  or  they  confide  in  each  other.  they  don’t  necessarily  have  to  be  the  closest  friends  ever,  but  they  get  along,  trust  each  other,  and  maybe  they  talk  more  in  private

frenemies  - they’re  friends,  but  maybe  they’re  always  trying  to  one  up  each  other.  they  might  gossip  behind  each  other’s  backs.  sometimes  they  get  along  perfectly  well,  but  maybe  sometimes  they  get  into  stupid  fights

protective  friends  - friends  who  feel  extremely  protective  over  one  another.  indie  will  literally  fight  anyone  who  hurts  them

sibling-like  friendship  - indie  is  an  only  child,  so  i  would  love  for  her  to  have  someone  she  sees  like  a  sibling.  they’re  there  for  each  other,  look  out  for  one  another  and  always  have  each  other’s  backs

dynamic  duo  /  best  friend  - ride  or  dies.  platonic  soulmates   !! this  person  is  probably  the  closest  friend  she  has  and  actually  knows  her  well  !   a  power  duo

partner  in  crime  -  someone  who  always  goes   along  with  her  antics.  someone  who  she  bounces  off  of  and  they  do  dumb  /  fun  shit  together   !!!   her  adventure  buddy

online  friends  -  her  favorite  person  on  the  forum.  she  is  always  interacting  with  them  and  is  literally  always  the  first  to  comment  on  their  posts  or  something.  maybe  they  confide  in  each  other

bandmates  -  if  your  muse  sings,  plays  guitar,  bass,  drums  or  keyboard,  they  can  be  in  a  band !!!  indie  plays  guitar,  bass,  and  also  sings  so  she  can  do whichever  of  these  is  needed  !!  she  also  likes  to  compose  music,  but  with  bandmates  they  will  collaborate  and  make  stuff  together  of  course

groupie  love  -  i  didn’t  know  what  to  call  this  plot  so  pls  ignore  the  name,  i  went  for  a  lana  del  rey  song  title aksdhsdjkh  but  basically  maybe  ur  muse  was  there  at  one  of  the  little  gigs  she  played  and  they  became  acquainted  after  that  !!!  this  can  be  romantic  or  platonic,  we  can  plot  it  however.  but  maybe  they  keep  going  to  her  shows  and  she’s  always  happy  to  see  them

flirtationship  - they  flirt  constantly,  but  nothing  serious  has  come  out  of  their  flirting.  maybe  they  have  good  chemistry,  but  haven’t  really  tried  to  explore  it  further

ex-fling  - maybe  they  ended  things  more  recently,  or  maybe  they  ended  things a  few  months  or  a  year  ago.  they  could  have  ended  on  good  or  bad  terms.  maybe  someone  or  both  of  them  still  have  feelings,  or  maybe  they’re  just  friends  or  don’t  talk  now

current fling  /  friends  w  benefits  - someone  she  is  currently  seeing.  could  be  no  strings  attached,  or  there  could  b  some  feelings  there.  maybe  they  don’t  want  to  make  it  anything  serious,  or  maybe  they’re  ready  to  take  it  to  the  next  level.  maybe  one  person  is  ready  to  go  further,  and  the  other  isn’t

requited  /  unrequited  crush  - maybe  she  has  a  crush  on  ur  muse,  whether  it’s  a  deep  crush  or  a  more  surface  level  crush.  OR  ur  muse  could  have  a  crush  on  her  and  maybe  she’s  oblivious  to  it  !!!   maybe  our  muses  have  crushes  on  each  other   !!!  maybe  it  isn’t  super  serious,  or  maybe  it  is

will  they,  won’t  they  - there’s  feelings  between  them,  but  they  haven’t  made  the  plunge  to  pursue  whatever  they  have.  longing,  yearning,  lingering  glances

take  care  -  someone  who  looks  after  her  when  she  parties  a  little  too  hard   !!!   someone  she  trusts  who  keeps  her  out  of  trouble  when  she’s  under  the  influence  and  feeling  too  reckless  for  her  own  good

enemies  w/  benefits  -  there  was  always  underlying  tension  between  them,  even though  they  couldn’t  really  stand  each  other.  maybe  they  hooked  up  at  a  party  and  now,  despite  their  personal  feelings  towards  each  other,  they  still  continue  to  hook  up

cyber  sex  -  once  again,  i  didnt  kno  what  to  title  this  so  i  went  for  a  doja  cat  song AJKSDSJKH  but  basically  someone  on  the  forum  she  has  a  crush  on.  i  think  it’s  funny  because  she  has  noooo  idea  who  they  are  irl  but  maybe  they connect  super  well  online

ex-friends  - someone  she  used  to  consider  a  best  /  close  friend,  but  they  had  a  falling  out  for  whatever  reason  n  maybe  they  strongly  dislike  each  other  now.  maybe  they  want  to  re-kindle  their  friendship  but  don’t  know  how

dealer  -  someone  she  buys  drugs  from,  they  could  be  friends  or  it’s  strictly  business

bad  influence  -  someone  indie  is  a  bad  influence  on.  she  maybe  influences  them  to  party,  drink  or  do  drugs,  or  do  stupid  reckless  things  with  her

good  influence  -  someone  that  is  a  good  influence  on  her  and  gets  her  to  keep  her  act  together.  she  has  trouble  caring  about  anything  that  isn’t  music  related,  so  this  person  can  keep  her  on  track

roommates  -  one  to  two  people  that  she  lives  with  !!!  they  can  get  along,  or  maybe  they  don’t  vibe  super  well.  but  if  they  do  get  along  they  can  do  cute  stuff like  bake  and  watch  movies  together

coworkers  -  indie  is  a  bartender,  so  she  can  work  at  the  bar  or  restaurant  that  your  muse  works  at

meet  me  at  the  bar  -  someone  who  frequents  her  job  a  lot.  maybe  they’re  her  favorite  customer  and  she  loves  whenever  they  come.  we  can  plot  this  out  however !!!

congratulations  !!!  you  have  finally  reached  the  end  of  my  unnecessarily  long  intro  aksdjhsdjhk  i  would  like  to  thank  u  for  reading  and  apologize  for  all  the  rambling  i  did  <3  anyway  i  would  luv  to  plot,  so  i’ll  send  message  u  asap  if  u  like  this  post   !!!  we  can  definitely  plot  over  im’s,  but  i  am  partial  to  discord  if  u  wanna  add  me  there:    missing blackpink hours#5522

[traiqse-blog]

[ ZENDAYA, CISFEMALE, SHE/HER, 21 ] // filed under: CLEOTILDE “CLEO” BENSON, student is a SECOND YEAR from FRANCE who specializes in FIELD OPS. we believe they will be an asset because they are METICULOUS & CONSCIENTIOUS. however, we are monitoring them due to their tendency to be CHOLERIC & CYNICAL. at their basic state, they remind one of GOLD JEWELRY, FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR THEME SONG, WATCHING THE SUN SET/RISE ON ROOFTOPS, COFFEE IN A WINE GLASS. our REDRUM has promise, but as we all know, brier isn’t for everyone. ✉

          hello hello ! it’s ur neighborhood giant kylen ( or kylo ren ). i am currently twenty-one & i live in the pst timezone. a lil’ about me is that i work 40+ hours a week & i rp at work mainly ( bc my laptop at home is having major issues ). i also am an avid pokemon go player & i like to read a lot. below you can find out about my bby cleo & if you wanna talk on d!scord hmu at break up w ur girlfriend#6145

L I F E   S T O R Y

so if you want the long-in depth version of cleo’s about click HERE ( just click the link at the end to move onto the next “chapter” - it should be a link that is black )

this is not finished bc i’ve been busy at work the past few days, ngl but ill make a post when its all completed <3 

the biography will address the following triggers: abuse, alcoholism, mental illness (trichotillomania + autism), sexual-harassment & borderline rape.

the mini bio below will not dive into or feature any of the above triggers though

B I O G R A P H Y

cleo has three younger brothers ! matias, brandon, & zander & she is in no communication with either of her biological parents, nor with her brothers’ fathers.

she grew up loving her brothers & keeping them close to her side. she basically was their mother figure as well, making sure that they were always taken care of ?

she had managed to grow up arguing with her mom every chance she got due to her mom keeping her in all the time & giving her ridiculous rules when cleo did get a chance to hang out with friends

school was fine, cleo would rotate every year between getting straight a’s and then barely passing. she didn’t mind & thought it was funny & “ cool ”

once high school came to an end cleo didn’t know what to do with herself, she did really well in her few final years of highschool but didn’t know what she wanted to do with her life

so she went into briar !! & was placed in the analysis specialty. & cleo actually liked it a lot. she thought she was in her element & thought she was doing really good. 

during her second year she even managed to find a s/o & fell in love !! she was really happy to be in her first real relationship ?? like was genuinely ecstatic

but that relationship didn’t last all that long at all which was really unfortunate for cleo because she thought that they were her soulmate ?? but turns out they weren’t thinking the same thing so it kinda crushed her

cleo kind of started spiraling down ? she didn’t care about her appearance or what she said to other people & became sort of toxic ? at that point she didn’t even want to be at briar anymore

she wanted to leave & go out into the world to do whatever she felt like doing. cleo honestly just wanted to get out and explore & experiment & she felt like a ticking time bomb

luckily, for her third year she was moved to field ops in hopes of helping her calm down a bit ? she’s hopeful that it’ll work but is also a bit cynical about it as well

she’s a bit closed off when meeting new people & even hanging out with others makes her a bit nervous due to what media says nowadays with scares ( especially for woman )

even though cleo is cynical & closed off she’s a big hopeless romantic. she really wants someone to make her fall in love all over again. she wants to feel warm in the pit of her stomach again & wants to be happy. 

right about now she’s just content, so

W A N T E D   C O N N E C T I O N S 

the ex: this connection is currently up on the main & can be found here

fwb: i can def see cleo having a fwb ! she prolly rushed into it after her breakup hoping that she would fall in love with this person ??

close friends: someone she talks to about everything going on in her life. someone she can vent to & someone she prolly talks about her family & past with

study buddies: this specifically would have to be for someone who’s in field ops. since cleo joined her third year she has some catching up to do & would love some help

tutor-er: she was in analysis before she was in field ops & would 100% be okay with helping a first or second year with whatever they needed

[thothscripture-archive-blog]

ooc; You know, I never thought anyone would like Thoth other than my group of friends who gave him a chance. I was so nervous with him, that I tried to make him a weaker character and I just couldn’t do that haha. I’m still nervous about him, but I want you all to know...

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I really am thankful. From the fan art, to the threads, to meeting so many wonderful people, I think it’s time to shine a light on those who I’ve chatted with, and gotten to know as well! Even if it’s just a simple hello, it makes my day. You guys are all wonderful, and I’m beyond happy over this. I was going to make a 100 follower and then the followers skyrocketed before I could haaa... ^^;;;

Anyway, these people below the cut? They really are cool.

But so are all my followers, even if we don’t talk!

@avoiided, 

Preshie mun! You’re Gaster terrifies me, not like bad dreams terrifying but he is a really well developed villain! He just is so wonderful to interact with, and I love our threads, no matter the blog! Let’s not forget how you’re a sweetheart either! I feel like I spam ya too much haha, anxiety man- BUT YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL! Keep being you :D <3

(I still can’t believe Thoth had a mini crush on Gaster and they could have been nerdy friends if the judgement ever happened aaaaaaa)

 @curioosity, @snackiies

Azura mun! I am still vastly scared to chat with you, but I want you to know, I do mean the words I say ^^ You may be feeling down right now, but... I think you’re a great person. I really mean that, you’re oc is very well fleshed out and very engaging! I adore seeing you on the dash, and your art- and your posts! I hope things brighten up for you! You need a good day, and I hope you get it!

@sixfingersixtails, 

I really adore your concept and I’m glad you’re one of my friends! Sixer is adorable, and Thoth absolutely wants to spoil him! And pet him, seriously how many times have they ended up curled up together haaa. But the depth of your stories and fanfic are amazing and I love reading every chapter! Keep up the amazing work! <3

@softashfuck, @goodster,

I hope you had a good birthday kiddo! I love ya, you’re the son I wish that was here for I could spoil you some more. Seriously, anyway, I love your character and your interpretations and the fact you spam me with such lovely art ;w; so nice. I swear I’m going to keep spamming you right on back! <3

Okay but I mean it, I do care a lot about you and I do see you as my kid. Seriously, if I could scoop you up I would. <3

@all-seeing-all-knowing-eye, @br00kie-draws

BROOOOOKIE! Okay, first off. When I first met you, I was highly nervous and scared, I met you through an ex-friend that showed me your art and since then I am so glad I met you. Our ships are adorable, they have bumpy roads and that’s what makes them enjoyable, they arent perfect, and that’s just how a good ship should be. Not to mention your art?! Like DAYUM GIRL. Such a good, best friend too, always listening to me ramble! Love ya! <3

OUR SHIPS ARE ALSO A BLESSING thoug so yea!

OH AND ALSO HOW DARE YOU GIVE ME ICONS ON RANDOM LIKE THE SANS ONES, ;w; I cry, I cry with joy

@s-k-e-t-c-h-y-m-e-s-s, 

I know we don’t talk as much these days, I know you’re busy but I still check up on your art! (I really should finish that gif I made omgosh) But you are also a very nice person, and a wonderful artist!

@splinter-sister, 

Rach.... I gotta be honest. I love you, and I think without you these last years or so, I don’t think I’d be around. I was in a really bad patch, and thinking things I shouldn’t. I let my thoughts almost win but you pulled me out of there. You helped me in so many ways, you even sent money through the mail cuz of my situation. I feel like I can never thank you enough because you really are my best friend and I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you suddenly disappeared one day. I know work is hard on you, but you’re such a great person and you know what, I’m proud of you. <3

AND THEN THERE’S THE SHIPS OKAY

Thoth and Rachael, Rachael and Rich/Neal, Rachael and--- Wait no that’s it. I think, maybe. We ship a lot, I blame our shipness. lmao Love it all!

@buy-gold-bye, 

Lye! I’m still vastly nervous to chat you up and that’s why I go silent cuz my nerves kick my ass but you are such a cool person! And your art? A++++

@derse-agent,  @wd-blaster,

Heya! I like your stuff! It’s really cool, and I know I owe you some things, don’t worry I didn’t forget! I just want you to know, you’re a really cool blog and thank you for joining the streams at times! LAOS YOUR GASTER IS ADORABLE OKAY

@scientistofthevoid, 

AAAAAAH?! For one I totally ship Tenny and Lotus now, I love how Tenny turns to mush at the very sight of my pretty boi. Not to mention t’s us so sugar sweet~! With some deviousness in there. Okay but on top of that, I love your characters, and the art, the fact you have put a lot of effort in your things and you’re a great friend! <3

@xenoasks, 

Okay so, I love your art and the fact your Gaster is different fom others and you put time and effort into your creations and just YESSSSS. It’s amazing, and I love it and you’re really cool!

@stealthnerd

your art is realy cool and you are officially a senpai. I love the way you draw man, and I enjoy seeing you on the dash!

@of2814, 

Apaaaattthhhyyyyyy, I miss ya, and I should deff mesage you more! Omgosh,and always drag you to more streams for you can succumb to the siliiness again! I love your Parallax! Hal and nomal Hal and the one time we rp’d where Venom was also Hal sdsfgb All the good stuff and I STILL REMEBER OUR SHIP OF SIOBHAN AND HAL <3

@theirmercy, 

Okay so we’re still getting to know each other but you are an absolute delight!? AND YOU HAVE AN AMAZING SANS AND I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE AND I’M GOING TO KEEP RAMBLING IN CAPS FOR YOU UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE AN IDOL HUN. <3

@ask-mystery-shack-cipher, 

FOXIE AND HEALER!!! Healer, I love the way you write and Foxie? Hun, I wish I could draw like you. You two are really good friends and I’m sorry I haven’t een overly chatty? But I watch your content all the time! <3 You guys also helped me get rid of a toxic ex-friend and I’m grateful for that, you have no idea! Thank you for giving me strength!

@lastinggaster, 

YOU ARE SUCH A SWEET PERSON!? You drew my boi, you chat with me, we rp- You are a delight! I want to invite you to all the streams and groups and let everyone marvel at your amazingness!

@lackadaisicaldenial, 

Okay we don’t chat as I do with others but I’d love to? I’d love to also thread with you and I’m sorry if I didn’t answer that meme! It’s there staring at me like a deer in the middle of the road omg! But we should plot, on any of my blogs!

@evilgsanchez, 

Okay so I loved our interactions with your Evil Rick and my Rick, I’m sorry that hes inactive right now, I’m trying to rile him back up but it’s just hard for me idk why- (been on an undertale kick tbh, aaaaa) BUT YOU WRITE AMAZINGLY AND BLOW MY FUCKING MIND LIKE OMG, HELLO SENPAI

@elooplvfklhiflskhu, 

We just recently started talking but hey! I love your art from what I’ve seen keep up the amazing work okay? And don’t worry about messaging me, It’s all okay fi you want to :D I dont bite

@rubentheruler, 

**AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, screeching** 

Your art is still amazing and I am highly nervous to talk with you but you are a sweety and I aspire to be like you!

@unspeakablyevil, 

I would really like to chat with ya! And plot, and write! You seem to have an amazing Aku and it’s wonderful to see you on my dash!

@void-dad, 

 I love Trashy and I would really like to thread with ya. Your character is cute and well rounded, and I enjoy his story. Plus you’re a good person :D

@purplepimpryda,  

BROTHER OF MINE I LOVE YA. I enjoy how hard you work on everything, even back when you wrote Joker. How we shipped, I still remember every moment despite my shit for brains memory hahaha. It’s wonderful and so are you and I’m glad you got out of your bad situation and are doing better and got things going for ya now! I love you, and I am very proud.

@pinkheartmelodi, 

I LOVE YOUR BLOG OKAY? I read everything ^^;;; Haaa, I do, and it’s great. I’m kind of a side liner and I need to change that becuause Melodi is a cutie and I should totally spam you with more asks!

@paitakoyaki, 

PAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII *SCREECHING INT THE SUNSET*

I miss our clown days, but I love how you draw still and I should message you more often, I miss ya buddy. You were and still are an amazing fiend and I aspire to draw how soft you do, those lines man mmmf, good stuff right there. Also Penance and Sorrow should hang out again.

@blackhxt, 

SILVER HOW DARE YOU SINK ME THIS DEEP INTO VILLAINOUS

YOU MADE ME LOVE SO MANY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THE SHIPS, THE LORE, AND I’M SCREECHING AT YOU NOW. Oka but White Hat and Slug yessss, Flug and Black Hat, yesss, but my favorite...

Is the one I never expected. My fanfic’s Bill Cipher, dubbed ‘Glitch’ and Black Hat. I can’t believe they have two kids now and they recently hatched and are going to destroy the world. Cute little guys.

But you’re also a great friend! Seriously, amazing! <3

@cubicscubedemon, 

Okay so I didn’t know anything of your muses but I saw you on the dash and I followed and I DO NOT REGRET THAT BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU TAKE YOUR CHARACTERS AND HOW MUCH STORY YOU PUT INTO THEM AND HOW MUCH WORK AND XKSHJBDCSFVGFMBH YOU ARE AMAZING <3

@storyteller-arc/ @smol-goop, 

*inhale* B O I. Okay but on a serious note I love your Gaster, I love your oc. Storyteller, Gaster Grim likes them but not only that they managed to get Thoth to like them, he also likes smol as well. You have a really good character set it just attracts my characters like a magnet hahaha

Not to mention you are a adelight! Absolute delight!

@hannah-the-small, 

*takes a deep breath* HOW CAN I EVEN BEGIN TO WRITE ON YOU!?

You are an idol to me. You are someone who has developed their entire set of ocs so much that I wish I could put that much effort without feeling nervous like hot dayum. You have suhc a good thing going, and I ust wanna punch Dick, hug him as well, punch him again- and also adopt ames and Hannah, and Eight- and the heroes, and Black Hat, and Dave, and all of them and HOW DARE YOU MAKE ME LOVE ALL THESE BBIES

@glitchster404, 

GLITCHSTER IS ADORABLE!

I really do love how sweet they are and also the thread on Sans how he was commanded and i ended up being really cute and I just lve it all. You also have wonderful art and you are really dang sweet, <3 <3

@billrick, 

okay....okay... I love your entire thing going on with ER, and I would love to write with you. I don’t even care what blog omgosh because you are an absoute steklar star on here, and Imma call you senpai til you perish cuz DAMN. Look at those headcanons, DAYUM look at those posts and stories and AUs and the past and 70 years worht of stuff and AAAAAAAA

A M A Z I N G 

@a-vf-vi-tf-ti,  @deep-black-dreaming​

AAAAAA? I love your ocs, I love our rps and ideas on discord but we should deff rp here on tumblr again! Lemme drag you down with me on here muhahahahah, ALSO YOU’RE ANOTHER CULPRIT FOR GETTING ME DEEP INTO VILLAINIOUS AND I LOVE IT

@omnituent,

*stares at you deeply, squints*

Imma kick your Black Hats ass again just you watch. BUT ON A SIDE NOTE! OMG CAN WE THREAD ON HERE TOO? Discord is wonderful man man, I’d love to take it to tumblr, if you’re okay with that! I’ll even dust off my WH just for that reason :D

@igxitixn

You’re character seems swet and we should send some asks to each other ore often! I hope you’re having a wonderful day and I would love to get to know you more!

@dalearmitage

I know you thanks to Brookie and your character is amazing but I’m highly nervous to bug you nad for that I am very sory and I hope that we can chat more!

@an-ordinary-roach,

You have such a cute oc and I want to know all about them! We thread here on Tthoth and Grim but man I’d spam you with even Eddie Gluskin if you’d want :D Or Jack, but Jack scares everyone and so I keep him in th corner hahaha. But the point is, I love your concept and I wanna pet th roachie

@gothamsbruja  

I remember when you were still developing your oc and it was on skype, and she had blue skin but now she covers up the blue skin and she is really great. I think you did amazing with her!

@hsheaddogs

Hey I just met you and aI think you guys are great. Sans and you, really cool! Thanks for joining the stream the other day and I hope to thread with you more! I mean it, and I should say hi to you more often on discord ^^  You seem great!

@gummypeculiar

YOUR CHARACTER IS SUPER CUTE AND I LOVE THEM AND I WOULD LOVE TO WRITE WITH YOU SO MUCH MORE EVEN THOUGH WE ALREADY WRITE ON sANS AND I JUST LOVE THEM AND WANNA KNOW ALL I CAN!

[nozomikei]

All of my dearest friends are ones I found through ffxiv and I consider my life vastly enriched by knowing them.

Let's just start with my sweet boyfriend @thebeauregardbros , Alus! You are so precious to me, my darling. ♡ You are the shining sun in my life and I'm delighted to be able to look forward to spending the upcoming years of my life with your unique and endearing self. I love listening to you excitedly tell me about things you've seen or done every night before I sleep. You have the best giggle and the most gorgeous smile! ♡♡♡

Next is my incredible friend, @dice-domino , an absolutely amazing person with an enormous heart and drive. You were there for me from the first rough night I had with family after I added you to my collection of people I adored, my Diadem. You inspire me to work harder and to spread kindness and joy every day and I can never thank you enough for your understanding and support and friendship. You are my resilient Agate.

This could never be complete without a mention of my super sweet and talented friend, @auliander-ffxiv ! My beautiful black marble angel~ I continue to be honored by your thanks and by your claim that I was among the first to welcome you thoroughly to Balmung. You are a darling whose talents and taste I admire, a sweet angel who is always ready to hop in and help out. Thank you for being my marble.

@samurulantis , I was enamoured of your glorious Elezen from the moment I laid eyes on him, but even more I wanted to get to know and befriend the cool person behind such an elf. Thank you for honoring me with a tag in this, Ru, I truly appreciate it, and treasure your sweet words. I hope I can always continue to be a warm light of joy and friendship in your life.

@tidusyumemiru , how could I mention Ru and not you? I couldn't have guessed the day that I met the pretty elf, that I would also meet the sweet person who held their heart nor that I would grow to consider them a treasured friend. You are kind and understanding and your character is so edgy it's cute. Thank you for being my friend. ♡

@wayward-whelpling , You are one of my newest friends, but totally someone I enjoy talking to and learning about! I was so flattered by your teasing of Nozomi in his traffic cone look and the beautiful art you generously shared. XD ☆ I admit I feel a bit protective of you, like you're a little chicky I'm watching over.

@xhazi , I know we haven't talked much lately, but I still consider you a really really good friend and I often keep you in my thoughts. You were one of my very first rp partners and every exchange with you was incredible and helped me develop my Nozomi and gave me the confidence to keep rping. You are an insanely strong and intelligent person and I look up to you and cheer you on in my heart. Let's catch up soon!

@eorzeas-top-model , Another darling friend I haven't talked to nearly enough lately! Even though we don't chat much, just know that you have a place in my heart and that I admire your beautifully developed characters and your god-tier art skills that you've trained. I hope we can reconnect soon!

@jakejagged , Hey buddy! You give some great hugs and I'm reeaaally hoping to get another at this next fanfest! You're such a sweet guy, Jake, you really helped me feel comfortable in GHOST, and you did the same at fanfest. ♡ Karaoke was so much fun! Let's chat more soon, okay?

@finalvalor , @smilesforone , @ladyramora , I'm happy we've gotten to interract some lately and I'm glad I am getting to know each of you a bit better! I like seeing posts from you all on my dash. You write such great stories, Ramora, never let the world tell you different. ☆

@orangechaffinch , You probably reblog more of my content than any other person I've seen, thank you. XD

@ikayahtumet and @chaitearex , you two are total sweethearts and I'm really glad to know you both. ♡ You've both been so welcoming and warm from the start. Khona, your screenshots always look sooo cool!

@oleandre-ffxiv , dude, we haven't talked a lot lately but I still get happy every time I see you online! You are so talented and cool and I'll always consider you one of my dear jewels, Nacre. I still remember your first posts about this awesome idea you had, and then the ones that came after as you realised your vision of a grand opera house. I'm very proud of you. ♡

@the Equinox and Ghost in the Linkshell fcs, y'all are both filled with the funnest, friendliest, creativist, inspiringest people, and I'm overjoyed to call both places home. You both have made me feel super welcome on your respective servers and I'm glad I met you all when I did.

@dantroziman , @tiergan-vashir , @etani-a , @aidan-khontus , @ladyrivienne , @ranirus , @dewdlepies , @nuclearwasabi , @sharpe-vision , you have all been highlights of my ffxiv dash on tumblr. I've gotten the chance to talk to most of you a time or two and was proven correct that you're lovely people that I would be delighted to call friends. Thank you for being such chill, interesting, talented members of our community. UwU ♡☆♡☆♡ Danny, your alts are always beautiful and you yourself are one cool dude; Tiergan, I adore your sweet cat, his 'flaws' make me wanna cheer him on; Tani, your taste is impeccable and your writing is splendid; Aiden, you always make me laugh! Can't wait to see your cosplay next year!; Rivienne, don't think we've talked but your Elezen is gorgeous and so are you, nice writing!; Ranirus, the clothes you design are so perfect, I want theeeem, you have an interesting character!; Dewdle, your art is pretty much guaranteed to make me smile >w<, it's just so sweet and expressive! I can't wait to send you my card!; Wasabi, you are an amazing artist and you inspire me; Luther, it's been a pleasure to watch your character grow, you have such an enjoyable art style and I always get excited when I see a post of yours.

If your name isn't on here and we've interacted then it's prob because I'm terribly forgetful and/or I don't know your tumblr handle- Not because I hate you or don't consider you a friend. Thank you all for being positive parts of my life. ♡♡♡

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

[desertfragments]

🌸 🌹🌻🍀

🌸 = my roleplay petpeeve

Ok, so imma do three bc im an angry person (also none of this is directed at anyone in particular, just the vague ‘you’) and thats why it got put under the cut bc its basically me being pissy and rambling rifp:

When you say you’re oc friendly but don’t rp with A N Y ocs nor make any effort to do so even when people write a starter. This is typically canon characters too so like. Dude. If you didn’t want to RP with ocs, don’t make it seem like you’re open to it cuz you aren’t. 

Excessive formatting and box themes. Also themes without a reblog button, but that’s not often anymore. Also just caring more about aesthetics than actual rping? It makes people come off as hella shallow and then they don’t even do v much rping so why do you have it? And then their blogs are a pain in the ass to navigate cuz they’re so hard to see and their replies are annoying af to even try to /read/. 

Rp cliques! Or those things you have to like, apply and fill out a form for?? I don’t understand those cuz like. You shouldn’t have to form a group to get people to rp with you and then only do it selectively? And jfc, stop clogging up the tags!! I don’t care about your apps or w/e tf they are!! I just wanna find some more people to follow!!

PEOPLE WHO ONLY REPLY TO THE FOUR ODD PARAGRAPHS I WROTE WITH FUCKING TWO SENTENCES. I think I’ve ranted on this a couple times and I know that in my rules it says “Don’t worry about matching my length” but GODDAMN ARE YOU PUTTING ANY EFFORT IN AT A L L. I don’t even have anything to work with or any character development either!!! So what tf am I trying to write with you for?? You’re wasting my time.

🌹 = my opinion on your characterI have… conflicting emotions okay. On one hand, I love Cand cuz he’s relatable. On the other, literal garbage fire. He’s horribly complex and sometimes I wanna punch him. Usually I wanna punch him. But he’s super intriguing!! I wanna know more about him!! And I love that he’s really unexpected. Tbh he kinda reminds me of Jay sometimes, if you don’t mind me saying? They have some similar personality traits and I’m kinda curious to see what happens with them. I think they could be chaos buddies, if we get past the first meeting and Jay doesn’t piss him off too much?

🌻 = a character I wish to write withUhhh no one really? I just tend to wanna rp with people I follow and I’m p happy with where I am rn. I try not to be too impulsive when it comes to rp partners cuz I don’t want to try and write with someone who I don’t click with cuz then its not fun for me and probably not fun for them either. I think it would be kinda cool to rp in other fandoms, though? Maybe like some Wasteland placed threads cuz I miss MMFR. Or even original world (like. Original world to the muns) threads cuz I like those. Def would wanna do a star wars au with someone bc I fucking love star wars. And maybe some lowkey horror ones? Idk maybe just indie ocs with people my age or just with more people who I click with u know?

🍀 = a ship I wish to writeHhhhhh I’m not really partial to shipping? It’s not something I’m actively looking for with my muses just cuz it’s not a super big priority. And ships are weird ngl. Esp with Jay cuz she’s aro so it’s just like. Friendship with people all day every day. I do love familial relationships though. There’s a lot of explore with it esp since her and families (lmao) get kinda rocky. Either way, platonic ships are still hella great and it would be rly fun to see the shit that happens.