#also if any drama happened while i was gone PLEASE spill the tea!

[littlemoondarling]

I guess.... tumblr didn't want to upload my post which is.... funny hhhhhh Anyways I'm back!! I met my quota (is that the word?) Which is finishing college and getting a job so I'm here!!! HELLO THERE IS A READ MORE BUTTON NOW???? OKAY COOLLL!!!

Thank you to everyone who checked up on me and to everyone who respected my decision and I hope you will allow me back here 😭😭😭 missed u

[cottage-babe]

Burning Scars part VIIS

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Masterlist 

figured id drop this real quick before the next chapter!! Its really short and not that important so its not really a real chapter ig

also! new update schedule is on sundays <3

Summary: Y/n, a werewolf from a hidden village, comes across Zuko and Iroh after being exiled. How has fate intertwined the wolf into the avatar’s destiny?

*****This chapter takes place on Season 2 Episode 13*****

___

Groggily, Y/n sat up and yawned.

The sun was blinding; they all should’ve slept in the covers of the ferry, not right next to the railing and fully susceptible to the elements. She rubbed the palms of her hands over her eyes to remove some of her sleep, but all it did was further the blur of her vision. The werewolf had to owlishly blink until her sight cleared. 

When it did, the view didn’t disappoint. 

There was a large wall stretching farther than her eyes could see. It was still a bit away, but the impressiveness had her awestruck. She looked around at her friends and saw that her travel buddies, along with her new acquaintances the Freedom Fighters, were still sleeping peacefully in their bedrolls. Y/n figured that it was the rocking of the waves that woke her and stood. 

Actually, now that she was taking account of everyone again, she noticed that one person was missing from the group. Standing at the very front of the boat, the werewolf could see the familiar figure of Zuko, standing with his back facing her. 

It was very cool that morning. It must’ve been due to the sun barely rising or the slight sprays of the water around them. Either way, it relaxed her in a way that she never truly felt on land; it almost made her nod off again. Despite all this, she pushed through her drowsiness and made her way over to Zuko.

The golden light from the sun made his hair shine brightly. The boy’s posture was relaxed as well, it seemed like she wasn’t the only one falling for the morning’s charm. He was leaned over the rails and rested gently on his forearms.

“Hey,” Y/n yawned as a greeting as she finally reached him.

Trust her, it was such a nice morning and she wasn’t all there. That was completely, 100%, the only reason why when she paused at his side, her head found itself leaned on his shoulder, eyes closed. He had tensed up at first, but once he realized who it was, relaxed once again. 

“Why are you awake?” Zuko asked.

She shrugged her shoulders, sleep almost overcoming her before he spoke. 

“I don’t know, but it’s way too early.”

Y/n looked up at the boy and found that he was already looking at her. His eyes were almost as breathtaking as the Wall that they were heading toward. The sunrise seemed to hit his iris’s perfectly, making the auburn color seem more accentuated. If she thought that they were pretty before, now couldn’t even be described. 

Unfortunately, the memories of what happened last time she was in this position flooded back to her. She cleared her throat and removed her head, replicating his position on the barrier. The werewolf missed the disappointed look that he gave her. 

“So, why are you up?” 

Zuko nodded his head toward the large wall that Y/n had seen when she woke up. “I wanted to see the Wall while I still had the chance,” at her confused look, the boy continued. “That’s the outer wall of Ba Sing Se. I’m sure once everyone wakes up they’ll be crowding to see it.”

Y/n remembered what Jet had said the night before, about wanting to set his eyes on the wall. This must’ve been what he meant. She had to remind herself that this was a monumental moment for a lot of people.

“Do you think it’ll be good here? Like the people and stuff?” She asked.

The boy’s face scrunched up in disgust. “Probably not, the only people that come here are filthy refugees. It’s not like we’ll be here long anyways; we’re just waiting for everything to calm down and pass.”

“Right... and then you guys will go back to your ‘castle’ or whatever.” She whispered solemnly. 

“Well, yeah, that’s the plan.” Zuko snorted. 

People had started to crowd around the edges of the boat; it seemed like more passengers were waking up. She looked back to her group and found that Iroh and the Freedom Fighters had risen as well. She stated that fact to the boy next to her. 

“We should head back anyways.” He offered. 

Y/n shook her head. “You go ahead, I want to take one last look.”

Zuko went back to the group and left her to her thoughts. 

Some part of her knew that this was going to happen. Their partnership was just that, a partnership. Zuko let her join their trip because he thought that she could help them; not because he cared. And once he does whatever his father wants him to, he’ll go running back home with his uncle. She was never part of that equation. 

She scolded herself after thinking this, but she wished that she was more permanent in the duo’s life. She would probably still keep in touch with Iroh after they left, but with Zuko? Not so much.

And what was she going to do after then? Stay here in Ba Sing Se? 

Y/n decided that she was just going to cross that bridge when she gets there. Worrying was just going to stress her out. 

_

After that inner battle, she had gone back to the group and helped them pack up. Just as they finished, the ferry had landed on shore and the workers were directing them off. They had to walk a bit, but eventually they made their way to a train station that would bring them into the walls of the city. 

First, however, they had to get their passports checked one last time before they could hop on the train. They waited in the line for what felt like hours until finally, they were up next.

“So... Mr. Lee, Ms. Y/n, and Mr... Mushy, is it?” The ticket woman asked with a suspicious look on her face as her eyes scanned their passports. In response, they all smiled at her politely. 

Iroh, however, just had to correct her. “It’s pronounced Mushi.”

The woman fumed. Her nostrils flared and her eyes turned to slits. 

“You telling me how to do my job?”

Iroh visibly panicked. He quickly made his way up to her desk. “Uh, no, no.” He cleared his throat. “But may I just say: you're like a flower in bloom. Your beauty is intoxicating.”

Y/n let out a laugh, but disguised it as a cough when the ticket woman glared at her. The werewolf looked off to the side and saw that Zuko had a repulsed look on his face. 

“You're pretty easy on the eyes yourself, handsome.” The woman winked at Iroh and let out a purr. Then, she stamped three tickets and handed them to the old man. “Welcome to Ba Sing Se!”

Iroh smiled at her and turned around, looking at the teens with a proud look on his face. Zuko, instead, snatched his ticket out of his uncle’s hand and stormed off, muttering how he never wanted to see that again.

‘Mushi’ handed Y/n her ticket as they followed his nephew. 

“You know, I didn’t know you had that in you.” She smirked and bumped shoulders with him. 

He held himself up and puffed out his chest. “I used to be quite the lady’s man when I was your age.”

They laughed together and caught up with Zuko. The boy was still a little upset about what he had seen, but was otherwise in a pretty good mood. 

The trio had to wait a couple minutes for the train to come; the teens sitting on both sides of Iroh. They sat in silence, with Y/n starting up her people-watching hobby again. She looked over to her left and saw Jet walk up to them once again.

“So,” He started, “you guys got plans once you're inside the city?”

Y/n was going to answer him, saying something about how she was dying to eat some food, when a screaming man passed by them with a cart. 

“Get your hot tea here! Finest tea in Ba Sing Se!” The man yelled. 

Iroh waved his hand excitedly at the cart. “Ooh! Jasmine, please!”

The tea man brought his cart over and poured his drink into Iroh’s and, after asking, Y/n’s leaf cups. The uncle paid for their drinks and smelled it happily. Y/n took the first sip, but swallowed it quickly with an ‘ew.’ Iroh looked at her curiously, then took a sip from his. 

“Ugh!” He spit it out dramatically. “Coldest tea in Ba Sing Se is more like it! What a disgrace!”

“I know right.” The werewolf replied with a scrunched up face. 

While they insulted their cups of tea, Jet and Zuko left to go talk privately. It’s probably because of how loud they were being. 

“Can’t you just like,” She made movements with her free hand. “Heat this up?”

Iroh looked at her like she made the greatest epiphany. “You’re right!” 

Y/n couldn’t see any flames emitting from his palms, but soon enough, steam began to slither out the top of the cup. 

The girl’s eyes widened in excitement. “Do mine!”

They switched cups and she watched as the same procedure occurred to her tea. He handed it to her and they both took a sip happily. Zuko came back, but they weren’t really concerned with what he left to talk about. 

Suddenly, though, Zuko’s hand stuck out and slapped the cup out of his uncle’s hands. Iroh’s arm, not being prepared for the movements, flew back and hit Y/n’s cup as well. Two cups laid on the floor, their contents spread around them. 

“Hey!” Iroh and Y/n yelled out at the same time. 

Angrily, Zuko looked at them and whispered. “What are you doing firebending your tea? For a wise, old man, that was a pretty stupid move!”

Y/n almost went off on the boy, but, after seeing the calm and mournful expression on Iroh’s face, calmed herself down as to not get into another argument. 

“I know you’re not supposed to cry over spilled tea, but it’s just so sad.” The uncle sniffled with his eyes trained on the floor. 

She almost felt bad for him, but decided not to bud into their family drama. Instead, she expressed her confusion on Zuko’s phrases. 

“What’s so wrong with firebending, huh?” She huffed and crossed her arms. 

Y/n didn’t really mean anything by her question, she kind of asked it jokingly, but Zuko scoffed and rolled his eyes. Was there really something wrong with it?

She looked out at Iroh questioningly, but he just smiled and waved his hand to dismiss her. Maybe it’s a prince thing? I really don’t know. 

Before she could question it further, the train came down the railways, but it was being pushed by... people? Were they earthbenders?

Could I learn to do that? 

Zuko ushered the two of them up and over to an empty part of the train. They entered it and took a seat, Y/n in the middle of them. 

“What a handsome baby,” Iroh smiled at the family next to him. Y/n bent to look at the baby and awed at the sight. This was the first human baby she’s seen!

Suddenly, they started moving and Y/n looked around as they were surrounded in darkness. She almost panicked, but after seeing that no one else was scared, she calmed down. 

Then, light burst through the windows. 

The werewolf’s eyes widened as she took in the sight around her. There were blocks of plants racing past them, possibly farming areas. Everything was just so spacious, the only time she had seen something so empty was in the Wu Shong Desert, the only difference here being the lush greenery. She stood up from her seat and turned to look out the window behind her.

“Zuko! Look!” Y/n grasped onto his shoulder to make him see an animal, something huge that she’d never seen before, only to have him pull her back to her seat abruptly. 

“Sit down, you’re being weird.” He looked around cautiously. “And if we’re in public, call me Lee.”

Y/n looked around as well and saw that a few people were looking at her; some of the adults smiling at her childish curiosity. She blushed and adjusted her skirt in her seat. Still, though, she tilted her head to see the passing views.

Maybe being in Ba Sing Se will be better than she thought...

___

and now we go to Ba Sing Se!! I was so excited to get here, I just wanted to get this out of the way oml

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Masterlist

Taglist: @bucky-blogs @hopefuloperaangelnerd @simplyfandomish @oddlypointlessescapes @lozzybowe @woohoney @whalerus @cece-lives-here @bwndito @kiaoizz @lrmilikepie 

[fyheiran]

well hello hello !! my name is jada, it’s very nice to meet ( or re-meet ) you !! i’m late to the game and honestly all over the place, but i hope you’ll forgive me as i start to get my life together ! anyways, this is miss bo heiran, and you will be knowing her as our resident snake ! both she & i were here during findyou’s last run, but now she’s got a different role and other changes to her character as well !! she’s definitely got quite the mean streak, and is really the devil in a wolf in sheep’s clothing !! anyways you can find her profile here, pinterest here, ig here, and for now i’m straying away from a plots page ! but if you want to know more about her & gather some connection ideas, please see the read more below !! and you can like this if you’d like to plot ! can’t wait to interact with you all ! xoxo

𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 :

she’s from chuncheon, south korea !! def a lot smaller in comparison to seoul,

there, she was definitely not the big city girl she is today !! in fact, she was a lot different - humbler, less competitive, just ... chill !!

her love for acting peaked in school, when she joined a theatre production on a whim and got picked as the lead to her surprise !! from there, she got more involved and she slowly began to see acting as a potential career choice

prior to this, heiran had no real aspirations but so desperately wanted to feel passionate about something, so when i say she clung to acting, she clung to acting

but as time went on she grew more envious to those who lived in seoul, as she felt it was easier for her to get gigs there !! so at only 15, she vowed she’d move there as soon as she got old enough.

throughout the rest of her schooling years, her skills really improved and people in her town started talking about how she may have some true promise !

but you know how they say 3 time’s a charm ?? well . . . that’s heiran ! her first fail was in high school, when her application to sopa got declined. she was devastated, as it stopped her dreams to move to seoul for the time being & took a huge toll on her self confidence ! 

finally following graduation she went to attend korea national university of arts, which was her first true big win !! she really felt she was doing something, and in her 3rd year of school she landed her first acting gig for a webdrama.

everyone from her hometown was ecstatic, as there were a few pretty big names and she was going to be in her first real drama !

 the second fail happened then !! she got a really bad spinal injury, and was out of the drama for the rest of it’s recording ! they had to replace her and she was heeeeated. she felt like an embarrassment to her town, and her injuries took her out of the acting scene for an entire year !

but like i said, third time’s a charm ! at 22 she started her true acting debut, fresh out of college and fully recovered ! it was a later than she anticipated, but she was well received ! she only had small roles at first, but after befriending somi it seemed like her popularity spiked ! everyone was asking who somi’s new friend was and what her future held in the acting industry ! it truly did wonders for her career, and as a result, heiran began clinging to her for support.

it wasn’t long before her admiration and gratitude turned to sour jealousy, though !! she began to realize that her fame paled in comparison to somi’s, and felt that she was always compared to her friend rather than seen as her own person !

but rather than handle this like ... well, a normal person ... she misdirected her anger and slowly began feeling a sort of hatred for her ?? it def stemmed off of her jealousy but it wasn’t obvious at first. she was just a little distant. but one day when her & somi got into a fight she yelled something about somi thinking she’s better than everyone. and this is when heiran believes their friendship went south !!!

still, heiran was desperate to keep that actresses bond up for the cameras for the sake of her own career, so put her skills to use to fake their friendship !! only other actors are probably aware of the fakeness of it all, as she’s the type to drop her smiles as soon as the camera cuts off. 

as you would imagine, heiran dreaded under a thousand stars when she still believed somi was in it. while she was v excited to be around so many actors and in her first historical drama, she hated how much she had to fake and how closely her character resembled her own predicament.

so now that somi’s gone she’s secretly ... relieved ?? she def won’t go telling this to just anyone, but those closest to her probably have noticed a shift. without having to pretend, and without being in her shadow, she can just be heiran. she won’t tell anyone this, but she secretly hopes that somi stays missing until she fades out the spotlight.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐀 :

as you have probably been able to tell, she is a sssnake !!! she comes off as really bright and friendly initially, but if you get on her bad side you’ll definitely see her ugly side !! she’s not mean just to be mean though, and really is only that way if she sees you as competition or you’ve provoked her.

i don’t know how to explain this, but ... she’s cocky and self-conscious at the same time ?? like she’s pretty confident at face value, but she has to constantly hype herself up to stay that way ?? she requires a lot of validation and assurance, but with that, her self confidence skyrockets !!

very materialistic !! she didn’t come from a rich family, but always wished she had so worked hard to be able to afford nice things. she’s always showing them off because she’s proud she can finally afford them for herself. but her splurging is a problem, and she is slowly going into debt yikes !!

has a pomeranian named mars who she loves to bits !! she’s all over her instagram, and often times she’ll bring her along in her fan during filming to keep her company.

as you could probably tell, she get’s jealous easily of the things she wants that other’s have !! she wants the same success as those around her, and tends to get bitter when that isn’t the case !

not romantically dependent. she isn’t actively seeking a relationship, sort of just in the “if it happens it happens boat” ?? much more into no strings attached deals though, as they don’t interfere with her career and prevent her from getting hurt ! 

she’s a little sassy honestly !! it comes from her stubbornness, if she’s got her mind stuck on something it’s going to stay that way ! if someone even raises her voice at her she’s the type to either give them the “who are you talking to ??” look or straight up tell them off lmao !!

𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

these are just some ideas to get you going !! since there’s so few of us, i feel like we can also just go based off of muse chemistry !

another fairly new actor who starred in one of her first dramas with her, and they rose to fame together !! they’d be pretty close to each other !

someone who caught her during one of her mean streaks, and though she’s tried to show a better side of her, they’ve never been able to forget the way she behaved then !

another person who might be on bad terms with somi ?? and they first related about that, and it’s sort of transformed to them shit-talking & spilling tea anytime they see each other haha !!

heiran knows one of their secrets, so she’s been holding it against them to get favors she needs ?? can you say BLACKMAIL ??

any true drama-filled plots !! literally cheating exes nemesis all of that ... heiran is a messy woman and i live for the drama folks !!

someone who’s been friends with heiran for a while and knows her more vulnerable side ?? they’re her confidant & they can tell each other nearly anything !

off the record on and off flings / one night stands ?? maybe feelings emerge maybe they don’t, it’s up to you !!

or maybe a little crush where for once, heiran genuinely likes someone ?? oh my ??

unrequited crush maybe ?? she’s def the type to be like mm sorry but no but still live for the attention lmao !!

heiran idolizes this person, be it for their acting or another quality they possess, and just really respects them ?? or it can be the other way around !!

someone who heiran trusts enough to put mars her dog in the care of .... please do not let her pee in the house & give her lots of cuddles or she’ll kill you !!

alcohol tw: drinking buddies !! because it’s just natural heiran would need some nights of downing drinks to cope with her stress, and it’s lonely if no one joins her !

[windmaedchen-kidfox]

A Bad Day

It was a very bad day for Detective Fox. Friday dragging on, stormy weather outside, the procedural mess of this case, a headache and general low mood had taken over her. She had no patience that day and considered all her colleagues a little too annoying for any interaction. And of course, it got worse.

To focus on this old case file better, Fox wanted to move to an empty meeting room for the afternoon. Her colleague Detective Fulbright was in the kitchen for lunch, so Fox decided to walk past there to let him know she was to be found at a new location. Upon entering, her colleague greeted her cheerfully.

"Speak of the devil, Kid! I have your lunch box. It's a favourite of yours today!" With a big, warm smile he held out the box towards her.

Fox took a second to eye the lunch box, then the man himself. Her colleague is one of the warmest and most upright people she had met but his boundless friendliness was occasionally too much for her.  He wasn't invasive in his caring manner and kept a polite distance but Fox simply didn't know how to respond properly sometimes. Being shown every day how insufficient ones social skills are was embarrassing at best and a bit more than annoying at such bad days as today. He did not mean to do this, of course, but before Fox could straighten out her thoughts she lashed out at him.

"Argh, will you quit being such an annoyingly over-bearing mule all the time. I have no time nor did I ever care for your blasted lunch bo-- "

She had pushed the lunch box back into Fulbright's hands, however, as his grip had loosened in preparation to hand the box over and his mind being busy  processing Fox's sudden harsh words, the box dropped out of his hands and between his feet, spilling the content partially onto the floor. In a moment of surprise both detectives stepped away from the mess. Then Fox's eyes darted across to the other people in the kitchen and she took a sharp breath. Anger and embarrassment flushed her cheeks and she felt desperation coming up. This was all a big mistake but how to save the situation? While rising both hands towards her temples in an attempt to shield off reality she tried to find the right words.

"I didn't -- t'was not -- just, don't. Don't do that!"

Unable to figure out a peaceful solution on the spot, Fox chose to flight. She turned on her heel and hurried out of the icy room knowing that all eyes are on her back before disappearing in a dark, empty meeting room no less than two floors up.

She sat sulking for a moment. Usually she would just brush such moments off, she was well aware of her shortcomings and did not bother much about her reputation of being rude. Doing the right thing was what mattered. With time she was always able to explain her motives and thus allow people to better see past it but she hasn't been with the LAPD long yet. Fox figured that this latest event should add an additional 2 months to her estimated warm-up time with her new colleagues.

That this happened with Fulbright, though, stung more than she wanted it to. She acknowledged the fear that her inconsiderate moments pushed him away, but also regarded it the better option if that was to happen. No personal distraction, no drama. Just her job and fulfilment of her mental needs. Still. She moaned in frustration. She wouldn't be able to focus now remembering that hurtful expression on his face. She took out her phone and typed a short message. Not that she was ever confident with her choice of words in such personal matters but the time being able to compose a message was invaluable to her.

"I wish I could explain. For now, I can only apologise. Sincerely. I am sorry."

And straight after that a second message.

"Text me if I am needed. Please."

Putting the phone aside, Fox started to shuffle her documents around and prepared to go over this case again. However, she sat quietly until the short vibration alarm of her phone went off.

"It's okay. I was able to save most of your lunch. It's in the fridge, if you still want it. And then let's get our work done first! Justice won't just itself! :D"

That was a good enough answer for now. Fox appreciated Fulbright's own work-ethic. He cared a lot for people's personal well-being, without a question, but unless it's an immediate emergency to one's health, he prefers to suggest, and sought so himself, distraction by work first. Take a breath, get this done and afterwards we'll have a tea and talk. That's what it was like. A little more at ease, Fox replied to his message.

"Yes. Thanks."

She felt able to focus now and started with her work. Clearing things up later was a comforting option. By the time she was done, it was past her usual hours to get off work. Most of the detectives would be gone by now, except those on their late shifts. Fox felt her belly rumbling. Of course, she didn't have lunch. She packed everything together and headed back down to the third floor. No one was around in the hallway and the two offices in the wing were silent. Carefully she stepped inside the kitchen and took out the lunch box Fulbright had prepared for her. It was an avocado pasta salad a la Fulbright with rocket and sun-dried tomatoes. Delicious, even if half of it had ended up on the floor. Once she was done, Fox cleaned the box and took with her to put on her colleague's desk.

When Fox peeked into the office, she noticed that Fulbright had gone home already. Ema, however, was still around. As she was sitting at her desk facing the door she noticed Fox sneaking in and called out to her.

"Kid. Where have you been?"

"Upstairs." Kid kept moving towards her desk. Ema stood up and followed her.

"That was very bad, you know. You should have seen his face. He was crying us one of his many rivers!"

"Hm. I can imagine."

"You can imagine? What, is that all you have to say? Did you at least apologise or anything? What was that for anyway?"

"It's okay. I send a message. ... Ema... I don't want to ... discuss that right now. I'm tired."

"You're my best friend and I know you don't mean your rudeness on a personal level... aaaaaand I know that Bobby is prooooobably way over the top for you but... he just really likes you. I think you should grab a coffee with him or so and explain yourself. It's great I-N-J-U-S-T-I-C-E to keep him in the slow-lane like that."

Fox's expression was tormented.

"If I must, I shall. Soon."

Ema approached and gently patted her shoulder, before resting her hand on Fox's arm.

"I know you don't like it so much when I point this out to you... and I will leave you be afterwards, I promise... but... I don't need my microscope to see that you actually like him also. Make that coffee date sooner rather than later. And let him teach you a bit of those despised weak emotions... it will do you good."

Ema gave Fox another reassuring stroke over her arm before she turned to leave.

Fox sighed and took a seat at her desk, attempting to grab her belongings when her phone suddenly vibrates, alerting her to a text message.

"Did you try your lunch?"

Fox gently strokes the sides of her phone with a wistful expression. He continued on text as if nothing happened.

"Just now. It really was... very good."

"Excellent! It's one of my own favourites, too, because it's so easy to make. I'll make sure to bring one in next week, also. I am glad you enjoyed it after all."

"I really did not mean that, earlier. It was, probably, the worst day I had so far in LA. I wish I could find an appropriate way to apologise."

"I already said it was okay. I know I am a little loud but if I can bring a smile to someone's lips, or good food into some one’s belly ;) , it was all worth it."

"Don't put the blame on yourself. You are a little annoying at times, true, but today it was my failure to correspond appropriately and nothing else."

"Correspond appropriately? What a scientific way to approach kind gestures. A smile and thank you usually do the trick. ^^"

"I am well aware. Knowing and applying however, are two different things. I know more about crime and deduction than I do about social interaction and I can apply even less of that little that I do know about it. It is so complicated to explain, but do you know how hard it is for me to even just smile at you?"

"But you have smiled at me plenty of times before. And at Ema and Dick. You smile a lot! What is wrong with that in your eyes?"

"It conveys emotion. I can do these things on a very objective, tactical level. Most of the time I just blandly apply common social norms without much sincerity for the sake of agreeableness."

"Of course it conveys emotions! Don't you think those are essential to life and one's personal well-being? Smiles tell people around you that you love and care for them, isn't that a rather beautiful thing to exist?"

"I wish I had such a conviction as you have. But I would lie if I said I... never intent to convey emotion. Ema, Dick, you... I have shown my emotions for you in my own ways and I am sure a smile was among them. It's just that... those are... rare and special occurrances. And it's never easy for me to do."

"Hm. I am not sure I fully comprehend what you are trying to say. So when you said those things this morning... what happen inside of you then?"

"That was very specific to you, Robert. I could not take your kindness any more. The day was horrible to begin with and my patience and ability to absorb and process social interaction of any kind was very very low indeed. I suddenly felt under a lot of pressure, with high expectations for my response, especially in public and I reacted in the worst way possible. Aggression, attack and subsequent flight."

"I merely offered you lunch. And it caused all that?"

"Yes. And it's not your fault. As said, it was a bad day, my temper foul and frustration high. I should have behaved better and I am sorry I failed to do so. I will certainly remember this. I don't intent to repeat my mistakes unnecessarily again and again."

"So you actually care for my lunch boxes?"

Fox moaned silently. Here he did it again. Trying to coax emotion out of her, admittance to the soft side she had. Naturally he just looked for reassurance of her, at the very least, affection as colleague for him but even so, it made Fox feel anxious.

"Yes. I do. I don't think it's fair to be treated like this for no reason in front of everyone else and it does cause me to feel uneasy at times... but... I really like your food."

"Not having a healthy and varied nutrition intake is an injustice to your body that I cannot just ignore And I treat everyone with leftovers from my Sunday baking! There is also, of course, the fact that I simply like you."

Fox swallowed slowly, hanging onto those last words of his. She could feel a tinge of tightness around her lungs and she took cautious breaths. How about  she followed the advice she got from him?

"Thank you."

"My pleasure! I look forward to seeing you on Monday! And I make sure to bring my best pastries yet. :D "

Before Fox can type a reply another message comes through.

"And, if I am causing you to feel uncomfortable, maybe you can quietly let me know about it? That is, after all, the last of my intentions. All right?"

"Yes, of course."

"Thank you, too, then. I hope you enjoy a peaceful evening and a good weekend, Kid."

"Same to you. Thanks and Good Night."

"Good Night! Haha :D "

People were different on their text messages than in real life... but whether Fulbright had truly understood or not... she was sure that the heavy curtain of doubt and rejection was lifted. There would be more opportunities to explain and get to know each other. But for now, it seemed, despite this incident, both parties have shown their desire for further contact. And it made her relieved and happy. The same way, she dared to imagine, he must feel like.

Finally grabbing her belongings and heading towards the office door, Fox vowed to not say anything but thank you in terms of his lunch boxes. She would have to repay that gesture somehow, though. Paying for his lunches occasionally when given the chance was a good start. Maybe she could take a little work of his shoulders, also, to return the favour?

As she came past Ema's desk their eyes met. Fox could not help to smile faintly but genuinely at her best friend. Ema instantly gave her a thumbs up. That made Fox just blush more and leave the office even faster. This bad day ended not quite as bad as it could have after all.

[outofthewoods]

REPUTATION - ALBUM REVIEW

alright girlies here it is my first impressions (whatever I wrote down after the SS plus a few notes I made when it dropped) I AM LITERALLY....QUITE LITERALLY SHAKING....MY WIG: IS ON MARS 

READY FOR IT: At first I was kind of like…. :/ about this song but it’s actually a really good opener and a banger. Not sure I would’ve picked it as the second single but it goes all the way off. The bass has me shook Line: “he can be jailor burton to this taylor”

END GAME Very…..the weeknd vibes right ladies ?????????? this is like…..taylor’s Instagram baddie moment It is still SO WEIRD To me to hear rapping and Taylor swift in one song. Even tho we have the bad blood remix Im still….shook by Future and Taylor together ??????????? I really like this, it’s not one of my top 5 I don’t think but it’s so different from what I would've thought of for another ed/taylor collab Ed is giving me some don’t vibes..i’m into it…ed talking about the fourth of July is really iconic. Taylor telling the story of how this came about was really iconic too…I can literally picture her and ed getting drunk and being like HOWWWW COOL WOULD IT BE TO COLLAB WITH FUTURE????? LOL and then it actually happening I love her like. talk/shout/singing when she says “big reputation…” Line: “I swear I don’t love the drama, it loves me” Her runs in the last chorus THANK GOD…..I NEEDED THESE VOCALS…..

I DID SOMETHING BAD THIS SONG HAD ME FUCKING QUAKING IN THE SESSION…… “If a man talks shit then I owe him nothing” THE CHORUS BANGS…..IM LITERALLY……MOUTH OPEN SHOCKED I CANT BELIEVE THIS….THE M.I.A. PAPER PLANES MACHINE GUN SOUNDS…. This is so……blank space but……..fucking darker you SINNERS “If he drops my name I owe him nothing, if he spends my change then he had it coming…” The chorus is here again Im bopping so fucking HARD WOWWWWWWWWWWWWW I’M……….CRYING AT THE VOCALIZATIONS OF THE HOOK. I’m pretty sure she said this came to her the same way she came up with “STAY!” in AYHTDWS The bridge ladies LIGHT ME UP!!! GO AHEAD AND LIGHT ME UP YOU FUCKING HEATHENS!!!! THIS SONG MAKES THE WHOLE ALBUM WORTHY OF A GRAMMY Im literally shaking like my skin is quivering….that 2000’s fade out……Please kill me

DON’T BLAME ME This is the hozier…take me to church….taylor swift version The chords are her vocals and that. Is revolutionary, Einstein found dead in Miami Line: “I would fall from grace just to touch your face, if you walk away I’d beg you on my knees to stay” The like…..wopping of the chorus is really just…..gold Her falsetto at the end of the second verse. Wig on mars This is the stoner Taylor swift song we didn't know we needed but are so thankful we have VOCALS IN THE LAST CHORUS….I NEEDED SOME RUNS AND THE PRERELEASES DIDNT GIVE THEM TO ME BECAUSE SHE WAS SAVING HER DESTRUCTION OF EVERY OTHER PERSONS VOCALS FOR THE ALBUM

DELICATE This is very Imogen heap to me…… like the layered robotic vocals. It’s very interesting…..a really good segue from DBM It’s got like a deep house….tropical feel to it that I am really enjoying girlies “my reputation’s never been worse, so he must like me for me” why does that line have me crying Taylor swift you are literally sunshine THIS IS THE CHORUS I REMEMBERED….the is it cool is it chill etc…….that’s what I thought CIWYW was after the SS for some reason ???? “do the girls back home touch you do like I do?” SECOND VERSE LYRICS Got me feeling some wildest dreams type of way she looked at me so much during this song I’m emotional, I was bopping to the chorus and she was laughing at me and winking when the beat comes in during the chorus Not a standout from the album but very cool very different good vibes man

LWYMMD Obviously a bop. I see why it’s in the middle of the album and when Taylor explained the progression of the songs this really makes a lot of sense. I’m just feeling fragile bc Taylor swift grabbed me by my cheeks, pulled me towards her, grabbed my hands, and danced with me during this song. Wow BABY I GOT MINE BUT YOU’LL ALL GET YOURS!!! We literally screamed this in each other’s faces it was so……amazing I will NEVER FORGET The video…..do we even need to remind ourselves of how fucking iconic it was When I first heard this I was so confused I had just woken up in Ireland at 6am to listen and I was like . What is this But the chorus goes all the way off tbh This is like a parallel to shake it off….the themes and messages of……being yourself and rising above what other ppl think of you…..

SO IT GOES… Ok I literally blanked this song from my memory at the session, I think bc it was right after LWYMMD and me and Taylor having our first proper moment of the night “Back against the wall….tripping when you’re gone…” This album is so bass heavy. I’m loving the studio instruments, I thought I would miss the live guitars etc but I really don’t because it doesn’t fit with the album “I’m so chill but you make me jealous” Sis we have learned from 10 years of music from you that you aren't chill al;ksdfnjksdhifbknsdfdkjf I love you mom I love the way she says so it goes! In the chorus “You know I’m not a bad girl….but I do bad things with you…” WHOMST “SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW…. Taylor you've done several numbers on me I stopped counting 8 years ago the whispered 1..2….3……WOW VOCALS….AGAIN……….SCRATCHES DOWN YOUR BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHES REALLY WILDIN OUT HUH

GORGEOUS This is such a cute song. For me it seems like one of the ones I like less, but at the session I remember being so happy listening to it because she pointed me out and called me by name when she was passing out the new merchandise….so I was chillin Also she kept winking at me during the DINGS!

GETAWAY CAR Queen of whisper singing I wanted to leave him….I needed a reason SUDDENLY I WILL ONLY EVER DRINK OLD FASHIONEDS. IVE NEVER HEARD OF ANY OTHER DRINK Okay in my mind I was like this song is :/ but it bangs to be honest! I love the chorus Should've known Id be the first to leave….this song is full of tea ladies This song to me seems like it’s about a rebound relationship that wasn’t so serious/was just a way to release pent up emotions from something awful “X marks the spot….where we fell apart…..” the pre chorus is really out here doing that sweeties The bridge has an interesting modulation that i don't know how to feel about….this whole album is like full of surprises/polarizing musical techniques so this is cool This is Taylor Swift fleshing out a metaphor/concept masterpiece to her full ability. Queen of literature who is Shakespeare I’ve never heard of him Said goodbye….in a getaway car……. The ends of the songs are so interesting on rep…….this one goes off

KING OF MY HEART “I’m better off being alone…” Miss Taylor I’m so glad that you’ve stopped thinking this because you are really….the most WORTHY person of love in the whole wide world… This is probably my least favorite song on the album. It has some remnants of getaway car in it I feel……she’s cute but getaway car is sexy and sexy destroys cute It’s a little repetitive but I appreciate it’s placement on the album………..you move to me like a Motown beat…..alright Miss king of my heart redeeming herself My broken bones are mending……….taylor I love u………why are u drinking beer when u could be having an old fashioned tho…..beer is gross

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED Thank you piano I love a live instrument The story behind this song is so heartbreaking and knowing that makes….the song so much more impactful to me “You had turned my bed into a secret oasis, people started talking putting us through our paces” here’s a big fat FUCK YOU to the daily mail Again the chorus comes in and is so….huge and sprawling compared to the rest of the song…..shaking us to our very cores! I love that you can hear the frantic/anxiety she was feeling throughout the song….like the rushed vocals and drawn out lower notes…..then the chorus just coming in with GLORY I LOVE the instrumental of the chorus so much…..it’s so beautiful and a little 1989 to me. Like very eighties synth heavy We also have some VOCALS! In the bridge and last chorus! the runs are giving me life

DRESS This song is like a …… I’m kind of drunk in the meatpacking district running from bar to bar with someone I love in the cold with big coats on….tea to me The falsetto. Queen Taylor has really been expanding her vocal register and I’m FUCKING here for it “Everybody thinks they know us” circling back to the overall theme of the album. We know what she chooses to let us know and beyond that we’re just fucking guessing sinners This song is like a …… I don't really care what they think of us I just wanna really…………see your dick and I don't care what anyone thinks of that ! THE HAIR BLEACHED LINE……SHE IS LITERALLY THE QUEEN OF SELF DRAGS I CANT SHES SO SELF AWARE ITS UNBELIEVABLE…….she’s like being humorous but also referencing a time in her life that was really shitty for her so. Queen of duplicity “I woke up just in time…” this line says so much about where she was when she started seeing Joe

THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS Oh girlies…..I have been so excited to hear this again since the session. She spilled some major fucking SCALDING tea before playing this so my ass was fully ready to be sloughed The alarms in the beginning…..a champagne sea…..my dream…… This is so fucking tongue in cheek about what everyone said about her #squad “I have to take them away” DEAD this is why she stopped having 4th of July parties klsadjidfnksdfd “Stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand….” Oh no…………WHO WOULD DO THIS TO MISS TAYLOR!!!!!!! “I took an axe to a mended fence….” The mhhhhhmmmmmm………. IF ONLY YOU WERENT SO SHADY SALKJFSDNKFJGM,DFLKNJGIDK WHY IS THIS SONG ABOUT ME SITTING ON TWITTER DRAGGING PEOPLE LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER Hard knock life………..TEA……during the fucking BANGER of a chorus….this is going to be so fun on tour…..SHE BETTER BE A SINGLE!!!!! hE sAiD shE saID!!!!! Here’s to mama…….yes miss Andrea here’s to u queen of the world THE BRIDGE…..SDFLSDMFJKNDNDSLJFKNFDJDSFNSD THIS IS WHY WE CANT HAVE!!!!! NICE!!!!! THINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant even SAY IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE Heres to my REAL FRIENDS! WOW….just wow ladies this is the future liberals want

CALL IT WHAT YOU WANT In my personal onion this is the most vulnerable song on the album. The first verse really has me out here crying in the club The chorus is so cute, this is a low-key banger and I wanna see her flying across the crowd during this song on tour

NEW YEARS DAY So here it is girlies….the most hyped song on the record…… Live piano. Minimal production. The concept behind this is so adorable “Candlewax and polaroids on the hard wood floor….” the most Taylor swift thing I have ever heard This relationship really seems like its forever my dudes she’s in it for the long run. She has never been so confident in a relationship that she’s CURRENTLY IN. She’s opening up DURING a relationship which is like……basically unheard of for her I love how subtle this is….the harmonies on the second chorus….crying in the club again “Hold on to the memories they will hold onto you…..” she said she's had that line ready to go for a while but couldn't find a place for it and here it is being adorable and wonderful also the line “Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I can recognize anywhere” Can I just speak on that line again….it is so beautiful and simple and shows how much she’s been through and the pain she has dealt with….and the sadness she KNOWS………..but she’s okay enough to talk about it. Im crying in the club 3.0

INITIAL RANKING: I Did Something Bad Don’t Blame Me Call It What You Want Dress Delicate Dancing With Our Hands Tied This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things Look What You Made Me Do Getaway Car …Ready For It? End Game New Year’s Day Gorgeous So It Goes King of my Heart

[gayoongles]

I wrote the first chapter to a fic I'm working on!

Title: I Just Want You To Love Me Pairing: Brallon (Dallon Weekes/Brendon Urie) Rating: NC-17 POV: Brendon, 3rd  Eras: IDK Dallon and Pretty. Odd. Brendon Summary: Brendon has been in love with his lifelong best friend since High School, but when he confesses his feelings, will it tear their friendship apart, or will Dallon feel the same way? College AU where Brendon and Dallon are both professors. Brendon is 23 and Dallon is 25

Chapter 1

It’s the last week of winter break. The second semester of the school year will be starting soon, but Brendon can’t even think about that right now, because he’s busy thinking about how it feels to be engulfed by the body heat emitting from his best friend, who’s sitting shoulder to shoulder next to him on the couch. They’re sitting in silence together, watching some random drama that was on TV. Brendon doesn’t like drama movies, they’re more of Dallon’s cup of tea, but he’s not really paying attention to the movie anyway.

Dallon shifts. Brendon assumes it’s to get in a more comfortable position, but now Dallon’s thigh is pressed against Brendon’s, and he’s sure that they only way they could possibly get closer is if they were literally on top of each other. Brendon holds his breath, trying to get his thoughts under control, before letting out a small, audible breath.

Dallon turns his head to face Brendon, speaking for the first time since the movie started, “You okay, B?”

Brendon opens and closes his mouth once, unsure of what to say. “Yeah, I’m good. Just bored is all.” He says in a joking tone after a moment of hesitation, sending a small smile Dallon’s way to let the other man know he’s not being serious.

Dallon smiles back, “D’you wanna do something else, then? I’m starting to get stiff from sitting for so long, anyway.”

“Um, yeah sure. What else could we do?” Brendon asks, standing up to stretch, letting out a yawn.

The older man all but jumps to his feet, sending Brendon the lopsided grin that he fell in love with in High School.

Brendon’s heart skips a beat.

“We should build a fort!”

“A fort? Are we 10 again Dal?” Brendon lets out a laugh and shakes his head.

Dallon pouts, “Please, Bren?” he says, drawing out the “please” for longer than necessary.

Brendon smiles in disbelief and amusement at his 25-year-old friend’s whining, “Sure, D, we can build a fort. 

“Yayyy!” Dallon runs forward and pulls Brendon into a quick hug and then runs off to get the pillows and blankets that they’ll need.

Brendon grins after him in adoration.

Dallon comes back moments later with everything they need and dumps it all onto the floor in front of Brendon.

“So where should we start?” Brendon asks while picking up one of the sheets.

Dallon starts giving Brendon instructions, and within 10 minutes, the two boys had finished setting up their fort.

They sat cross-legged in front of each other in awkward silence until Brendon speaks up, “Soooo, what now?”

“I’m not sure.” Dallon says after a moment of hesitation. “We could play truth or dare, like we’re in High School all over again.”

Brendon huffs, “Why would I wanna pretend I’m in High School again? It sucked for me.”

“Come onnnn Bren, it can’t have been that bad.”

“You were there with me, Dallon. You know how bad it was for me.”

Dallon sighs, “Finee, we don’t have to pretend like we’re in High School again, but I do wanna play. I’ll even invite Spence over.” He gives Brendon the puppy dog eyes, knowing the younger man can’t resist them.

“Okay, but only because I haven’t seen Spencer in months.”

Dallon sends Brendon the same damn grin as before, butterflies erupting in his stomach again at the sight, and Dallon takes out his phone to call Spencer.

A few minutes of hearing the one-sided conversation later, and Dallon hangs up, “He’s on his way!”

Brendon smiles. 

They sit in silence until they hear a knock on the door, and Brendon immediately runs to the door, opening it and pulling Spencer into a hug before he even has time to say ‘Hello.’

Spencer laughs and hugs Brendon back, “Good to see you too buddy. I’d love to talk and catch up but can we go inside and do it, it’s cold as hell out here.”

Brendon pulls away and rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, “Sorry, yes, let’s go inside.”

They walk in and Spencer closes the door behind him, hugging Dallon too and saying hello before taking his jacket off, “So what’s up with the fort?”

“Oh, that was Dallon’s idea. We’re gonna play T or D too, that’s why we invited you over; and also, because we missed you.” Brendon laughs.

Spencer gives a sound of approval and the three men squeeze in the fort. It’s a lot more cramped than it was when it was just Brendon and Dallon, but thankfully Spencer is wedged in between them.

“Who wants to start?” Dallon asks.

“I will.” Brendon says. “Dallon, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Lamee.” Spencer interjects

Brendon shushes Spencer and turns to Dallon, “What’s the first thing you’d do if you woke up as a girl?”

“Hmm, I’d probably have sex with one of my straight guy friends and then tell them it’s me afterwards to watch them freak out.” Dallon and Spencer laugh.

Brendon’s jaw drops and he shakes his head in silent laughter, “You’re unbelievable Dallon Weekes.”

Dallon shrugs and grins smugly, “Spence, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“Go to the neighbor’s house in your underwear and ask if they have a spare condom.”

Spencer blushes, “Dallon, come on.”

“Ya gotta do it buddy.” Brendon adds.

Spencer and sighs and takes off his pants and shirt, “Can one of you at least do it with me?”

Brendon looks to Dallon and when the older man shakes his head, he sighs, “I’ll go with you Spence, but you have to do all the talking. Brendon takes of his shirt and pants as well. He avoids Dallon’s eyes because he doesn’t wanna see that he’s avoiding looking at Brendon.

Brendon messes up both his and Spencer’s hair and bites his (own) bottom lip to make it red and swollen looking, explaining that it would look more genuine that way.

They walk outside and as they get closer to the door, Brendon attaches himself to Spencer’s side.

Spencer knocks on the door.

The woman that lives there opens the door and gives a surprised look at the two nearly naked men in front of her, “U-um, sorry to bother you ma’am...” Spencer starts.

Brendon leans closer to Spencer and bites his earlobe softly, “Come on baby, stop taking so long.”

Spencer chokes and his cheeks turn bright red, “D-Do you have any spare condoms?” He blurts out quickly.

The woman nods, her eyes wide, and rushes inside, coming back to the doorway and thrusting a condom into Spencer’s hand.

Brendon pulls Spencer back towards their house and Spencer stutters out a “Thank You” as the neighbor closes her door.

Brendon lets go of Spencer’s hand when he hears the door slam shut and begins laughing. He looks at the door he’s walking towards and his laughter dies though, his expression confused as he notices the scowl on Dallon’s face.

Brendon frowns and walks up to Dallon, “You okay buddy?”

Dallon seems to snap out of his trance-like state when he hears Brendon speak, his expression becoming unreadable, “Nothing, I’m fine. Put clothes on and let’s continue.” He walks back inside.

Brendon wonders why Dallon is so snappy all of a sudden, but he sighs and lets it go, walking inside with Spencer trailing behind and the two men put their clothes back on.

Dallon is already sitting in the fort again, so Brendon and Spencer sit down in their previous spots too.

“Dallon, truth or dare?” Spencer asks.

“Truth.”

“What’s the most embarrassing kink that you have?”

Dallon groans and hesitates to think about his answer, “Um, it’s a tie between my public sex kink and being tied up and/or blindfolded.” He blushes.

Brendon gulps and closes his eyes, immediately thinking about Dallon’s hands tied to his bedpost, naked and writhing around underneath Brendon.

He lets out an inaudible, but shaky breath and adjusts his position subtly in order to hide his growing erection.

“Brendon, truth or dare?” Dallon asks, shocking Brendon out of his fantasy.

“Umm, truth please.” Brendon manages to get out.

“Biggest turn-on?”

Brendon nearly groans at just the mention of being turned on, and shifts once again, “moaning.” He finally gets out.

“Hey, you good man?” Spencer looks at Brendon concerned, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Dallon glances his way too.

Brendon swallows, “Yeah, yeah I’m good.” He takes a deep breath, “I’m out of ideas though, someone else can ask.”

Spencer shrugs, “Brendon, truth or dare?”

Brendon knows he might regret it, but the word spills out of his mouth before he can even think, “Dare.”

Spencer gives Brendon a knowing smirk, “Kiss the most attractive person in this room.”

Brendon pales as soon as he hears the word kiss, “I-I have to go.” He can’t hear anything over the beating of his heart as he runs out of the fort and out of Dallon’s house.

He assumes Dallon is calling after him but he doesn’t turn back to check.

He gets into his car and pulls out of the driveway, racing back to his house.

When he gets back home, he strips down and gets into the shower, turning the faucet to cold and shivering under the stream of water until his erection has gone down.

He cries himself to sleep that night.

A/N: This isn't my best work, but I edited this at 11:00pm and I'm tired as hell. I just wanted to get it up before I forgot. Leave me suggestions of what y’all want to happen (I have a slight idea in my head but could use some other suggestions to help!) or give me some pointers or tips or something. Hope y’all enjoyed Chapter 1 of ‘I Just Want You To Love Me.’ 

[mrsjihyunkim]

20 Seconds of Bravery Ch 4

First  

Previous 

Next

       The doctor was gone and I had just decided to order pizza for dinner. My brain was still trying to come to grasp with the fact that I had two, for lack of a better term, pizza virgins standing in front of me. I needed to know exactly how much of my theories were true. I was about to ask V but then Jumin cut in. "V have you ever had pizza before?" Jumin said pizza like it was a completely foreign word. I understood Jumin never having pizza. He was a big shot CEO who lived a very luxurious life.

"I can't say that I have actually. At least not the kind MC is talking about. All I've ever had is gourmet flat bread pizza." He said with his hand on his chin. I was amazed at these two. No wonder they were so mopey and stoic. They've never had pizza before.

"Oh my god. That explains so much. Pizza is like greasy cheesy heaven. You guys have no idea what your missing.

"I was never allowed to have such pizza because it was considered commoners food. This will be interesting." Jumin was highly amused as he continued to hold Yeti.

"Alright got Mr. CEO on board how about you V?" I don't think I had ever gotten so excited about ordering pizza. I could tell that V was amused.

"Of course I am MC. You haven't steered me wrong yet." I ran into my office and grabbed my cell phone. I noticed a lot of missed calls and texts but I ignored those and dialed the number for pizza hut.

"Any preferences on toppings?" They again looked like I was speaking a different language.

"What ever you think is good MC." I nodded and waited for someone to answer the phone.

"Hi this is for delivery. I need one large stuffed crust pizza with extra cheese, bacon, and chicken. Then I need a small pizza ran through the garden and the slaughter house. The address is 138 Sherman ave and I'll be paying with cash." I hung up the phone and walked back into the living room. "It will be here in about 30 minutes. Would you guys like anything to drink while we wait? I have soda, coffee, wine, tea,"

"Can you drink wine with pizza?" Jumin asked. He seemed to be consumed by curiosity. He wasn’t even paying anymore attention to Yeti.

"I mean you can drink what ever you want with pizza. Eating pizza is all about freedom so you can do what you'd like. I sometimes drink wine when I order pizza but it's just a what ever your in the mood for thing."

"I see. So you also drink wine." Jumin peered at me as if he was challenging me. I simply walked over to the cabinet in the living room and unlocked it.

"I do in fact," I pulled out a bottle of Merlot, "I was saving this for dinner this Saturday but if it's ok with V we can open it tonight. It taste good with just about anything." I passed the bottle to Jumin and he inspected it. "I also have whiskey, tequila, and a white wine if you'd rather have those. All my dramas are on hiatus so I haven't been buy wine a lot."

"I've never heard of this wine. I'd like to try it if V doesn't mind," He looked to V who nodded in approval. I was glad because I needed to unwind after the day. "Then it's settled. How long do you need to let it breathe for?" I got the corkscrew out of the cabinet and took the bottle from Jumin.

"Rule number one of cheap wine, it doesn't really need to breathe. Rule number two, drink slowly because it will hit you hard and fast." I popped off the cork and pored it into glasses. "We've still got about 15 minutes before the pizzas get here. So tell me Mr. Han,"

"Jumin is fine." I smiled and continued.

"So Jumin, what kind of things does V say about me?" V's face turned red and he chocked on his wine. He looked in between Jumin and I like he was dreaming. Jumin laughed and he seemed amused by his friend being flustered.

"It's nothing bad I assure you. He mostly just talks about how well you can cook, your cats, and how he worries about you. Oh he also talks about how cute you are and that you made your cats mini pancakes. I'm actually very interested in that last part. Elizabeth the 3rd won't eat my pancakes and I don't know why." Hearing that V talked about me made me feel very happy. It made my stomach do flips and my heart beat fast. "Honestly I haven't heard him talk about anyone like this since he met Rika." The name Rika struck a cord with me and I dropped my wine glass. I knew that name and I didn't want to remember it. The wine glass crashed onto the table and I could hear echos of V and Jumin's voices but all I could focus on her blonde hair and those green eyes. Something warm grabbed my hand and my body began to move. The more I moved the more I came back to reality. I was standing in my kitchen and V was very close to my face.

"MC. Please say something. What's wrong? Just breathe. I'm right here." I could hear the fear in his voice and then I realized what I had done.

"V." He breathed a sigh of relief and he pulled me into his arms.

"Oh thank God. Are you alright? I was worried. What happened?" I felt bad making V worry but I also didn't want to lie to him. If Jumin was talking about the same Rika that means V used to cherish her.

"I'll tell you later. I don't want to sir up memories while Jumin is here." He looked unhappy with my answer but before he could argue there was a knock at the door. "That's the pizza. I need to go pay for it. Can you go set this towel down where I spilled my wine?" He took the towel from me and kissed the top of my head.

"Ok. Just relax for now." I watched as V walked back to the living room. I walked to the door and opened it. I saw the familiar delivery guy Eric standing there with my pizzas. 

"Hey Eric. How's it goin?" I asked while taking out my money.

"It's goin good. How've you been? I haven't seen you at the shop in a while." I handed him the money and he gave me the pizzas.

"I know. I've just been really busy and it's been cold. I'll come by when the weather gets warmer." I felt someone tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Jumin. "Yes Jumin?"

"Do you need any help MC?" I was shocked at his gesture but I gladly let him help. "Thanks Jumin. You can just put these on the table. I'll be there in a seconds. V knows where the plates are." He looked from me to Eric.

"So this is a pizza delivery man. Interesting." I was going to introduce them but Jumin had already walked away.

"Was that Jumin freaking Han? Who the hell are you?" I rolled my eyes at him. "But no seriously why is he in your apartment and why is he eating pizza?"

"Well I'm kinda dating his best friend." Eric dropped his pizza bag and hugged me.

"Holy shit that's fantastic! Shelby is going to flip, but has Jake found out yet?" My face fell flat at his question.

"Yeah and he's not happy about it. But I'm done being afraid of him. I gotta go now. I'll stop by the shop and tell you guys everything later. Bye Eric." He waved as he headed back to his car and I closed the door. When I turned around V was standing behind me and I froze. "How much of that did you hear?" I asked trying not to panic.

"Enough to know that we're apparently dating and there's someone who isn't happy about it." I felt all the color drain from my face.

"I'm so sorry. It was just easier to say that than to tell the whole story. I didn't mean to assume anything." V walked over and grabbed my hand. He looked me in the eye, without breaking eye contact, and kissed my hand. There was no words but I somehow knew what he was saying. I had no idea what had come over me since I met V but I was the happiest I've ever been. My mom always said that 20 seconds of bravery was all it took to change your life and I was finally seeing what she meant. I embraced V and he wrapped his arms around me. "I promise to tell you everything after Jumin leaves."

"There's no rush MC. We'll talk later but right now Jumin is looking sliver wear for his pizza and won't listen to me." I rolled my eyes and laughed. I walked into the kitchen and Jumin was pouring another glass of wine.

"Ok Jumin. First of all how dare you try and eat pizza with silver wear. You use your hands, like this." I flipped open the lid and pulled a piece out and proceed to eat it. I put my piece on a plate and got a piece out for Jumin. "Think you can handle it Mr. Trust Fund?" I said giving him a look. He gave me a quizzical look.

"She sounds like Zen. Are you sure she hasn't met him yet?" Now V was laughing and I was just confused. V walked over and handed me a glass of wine, which I gladly took.

"I'm pretty sure it's just a coincidence Jumin. Unless you know who Zen is MC." I was busy drinking wine so I just shook my head. "See. You worry for nothing." I had moved over to the table and just watched the two talk and eat their pizza. Jumin missed his mouth a few times but we let him think that we didn't see. Soon enough they joined me at the table and Jumin began to post in the RFA's chat room. "It appears that you keeping MC a secret has made Saeyoung angry at you." He reached for another piece of pizza and put it on his plate. "He said he keeps trying to call you but you won't answer." V just waved his hand in dismissal.

"Saeyoung can track my phone. He's just pouting because I won't let him do any digging on MC. It's not like when we met Jane and everything was suspicious. I understand that he worries but this is my personal life and he needs to accept that. Plus MC is honest with me and we've only know each other for about a week. I don't see a reason to rush anything."

"I see. Then you should at least tell him that. Can you really blame him for worrying though?" V seemed to look guilty and sad. By now I was on my third glass of wine and felt I should speak up.

"V if you want to tell everyone about me you can. I mean I've already met Jaehee and Jumin." I then turned to Jumin, "In fact Jumin is there anything that you want to know? Cause if there is now's the time to ask, I'm a lot more relaxed right now so I'll tell you anything. With in reason of course. That way V doesn't feel guilty and everyone can be satisfied until I meet them at the party." Both Jumin and V seemed shocked at my words.

"MC you don't have to do that. I don't want you do be uncomfortable and have another attack." I could tell he was worried and I was so touched by it.

"You are just too sweet but don't worry. Wine helps me relax so I won't have any more attacks to night. So Jumin ask away. Seriously anything you want to know." I took another bite of pizza and waited for him to ask.

"MC are you sure you're just not drunk?" V asked as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"Trust me I'm not drunk. I just relax after a couple glasses of wine. My anxiety goes away and I'm able to be the person I truly wish to be. Someone who can make friends and go out on dates." I could tell I was getting sentimental so I changed the subject back. "So I say it again Jumin, ask me anything you want. I promise on my degree to answer anything to the best of my ability." He seemed more than amused by all of this.

"I'll raise you on your deal. Since I'm in the chat room already, I'll just ask everyone what they want to know and you can answer. I don't have any questions of my own so this will be more productive." I leaned back in my chair and took a sip of wine.

"Alright deal. So whose up first?" Jumin was still typing on his phone.

"My guess would be Yoosung. He's always very curious and suspicious of me." V was also now drinking his wine. I could tell he was nervous but I wasn't sure why. I wondered if he was worried about something I would find out.

"V relax. I'm gonna be fine. Watch this," I looked him in the eye, "my mother died when I was eleven. She was a doctor and I miss her every damn day." I waited and once he saw that I wasn't going to have an attack he relaxed. "See I've got this. So whose first Jumin?"

"Well both Yoosung and Zen wanted to know what you look like so I sent them a picture I took while you were talking to V. Now Luciel wants to know where your from."

"Easy. I was born and raised in this city. Next question."

"What do you do for a living? I can answer this one if you'd like." I nodded my head as he typed the answer. "Ok Saeran want's to know your favorite ice cream flavor."

"Mint chocolate chip in the summer and moose tracks in the winter." I looked at V, "Who is Saeran?"

"That's Saeyoung's twin brother. Zen is a musical actor, Yoosung is a student at Sky University, and Luciel owns a toy shop."

"Hey I went to Sky University! Jumin can you tell Yoosung that I said 'Go Rockets!' he'll know what it means."

"Alright. Zen also asked if you were single and I told him no."

"Wait what made you tell him no? I mean I'm glad you did but I'm just curious."

"V may think he's hiding it well but I'v known him for a long time and I can tell when he likes someone. That and he has his arm around you, so I assumed the interest was mutual." I hadn't even noticed V's arm around me. It just felt so natural. V had pulled his arm back and his face matched the wine he was drinking. I couldn't help but laugh.

"I mean I don't think your wrong. We haven't really talked about that, but if I may be bold, I like to think that there's hope." Now my cheeks were turning red. V got up and excused himself to the restroom. I felt like it was a little bit my fault. "I hope I didn't seem pushy. I do really like V but I'm grateful just to be friends. I don't know if he told you but I have really bad anxiety and it makes it hard for me to talk to people or even go out. But for some reason I feel safe with V. It's something I've never felt before so I'm still trying to figure it out." I realized that I was probably just boring Jumin with my feelings. He looked so deep in thought like he was trying to understand something.

"I see. I won't speak for V but I've only seen him with one other woman and he looks a lot happier with you. I can tell he cares a lot about you but I'm not sure what his intentions are. If he's scared then you'll have to be patient with him because he can be very stubborn." He took a sip of wine and leaned back.

"That I know. He chased me for three blocks just to apologize for taking my picture in the store and then insisted on walking me back. If that's not being stubborn then I don't know what is." We both laughed and then we heard a camera shutter. I looked over and saw that V had taken our picture.

"Well now that you've finally gotten your picture I should get going. Elizabeth is surely missing me. V would you like a ride back too?"

"No I'm going to stay with MC and help her clean up. I'll call a taxi later. Plus we need to talk about some stuff before I leave."

"Alright then I'll get out of your way. V don't forget that you need to set a date for the party too. We've started recommending guest  so Jane needs a date." Jumin headed towards the door and V followed him. I began to pick up the plates and put them in the sink along with the empty wine glasses. I finished my glass and put it next to the bottle. Seeing the bottle of wine reminded me that I spilled a glass in the living room earlier. I grabbed the stain remover and went to go put it on the spot. As I was talking care of that I heard the front door close and V walked into the living room.

"Would you like some help? That looks hard to do one handed." I had completely forgotten about my wrist until this point and I looked down at it. "What's wrong? Does it hurt?" I shook my head and smiled at him.

"No I was just having such a great time that I had forgotten about it. And as for the carpet just forget about it. If the stain is still there in the morning I'll just replace it." I stood there awkwardly because I knew that V had questions. This was the first time our silence had been awkward.

"So are you still relaxed enough to answer some of my questions, or should I save them for Saturday?" He had his hands in his pockets and was leaning against the wall. I hated that I was hiding so much from him. I wanted to take time and tell him everything slowly but I knew that the longer I kept talking to him the more aggressive Jake would become.

"V wine or no wine I'll tell you anything you want to know. But yeah right now is the best time so ask away." I laughed nervously as I went to the kitchen to wash my hands. I poured what was left of the wine into my glass and took a big drink.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to be uncomfortable anything. I'm willing to listen but if you're not ready to talk then I'll wait." His cheeks were tinted red and his face looked really melancholy. I couldn't keep him in the dark. If I wanted things to go any further with V I needed to be honest and take the risk. I was worried that he would bug out and leave but I was almost certain that wouldn't be the case.

"I want to tell you everything but I'm just nervous. I don't want to lose you like I've lost everyone else. I thought keeping you at an arms length would be best for both of us, but I don't think I can do that anymore. So I want to tell you everything and I'll just have to hope that you choose to stay." I watched as V crossed the room and hugged me.

"MC I promise you that I'm not going anywhere. I don't care about your secrets or anything. All I care about is being there for you. I want to help you face problems that you have. So please know that you can always rely on me."

"Thank you V. It really means a lot that you'd say that. Let's go sit down and I'll tell you what you want to know." I took his hand and we walked back to the living room. As soon as we sat down Yeti jumped in my lap and I began to pet him. "So where do you want to start?" He thought about it and seemed to make a decision.

"Why did the name Rika freak you out so much earlier?"

"I had a feeling that would be your first question. When I was in foster care I lived with this other girl named Rika and she was just awful to me. She was very beautiful, with her blonde hair and green eyes. Everyone thought she was so nice and sweet but when it was just us she was completely vile. She would always hurt me and say that she was just trying to shape my darkness. At first I tried to tell our foster parents about it but they didn't believe me. they thought I was just looking for attention. I had to put up with her for two years until she was actually adopted. After that it was in my case file that I a liar so I just stayed in the system. No one wants a teenager with attitude issues." V grabbed my hand and he looked so sad.

"How did she hurt you?"

"Usually it was just mentally. We only fought once but I was stronger than her physically, so she never tried that again. She would tell me that I was always unloved and no one but my darkness would accept me. Or that my mom left me because she found my darkness ugly. There were many times when I almost believed her but then I would look at pictures of my mom. If I disagreed with her she would so things to make my life difficult like one time she burned my homework. Or there was one time she got me expelled for supposedly trying to sell her weed. Honestly if I wouldn't of had so many memories of my mom I probably would have given in to her. There's no telling what she would have done to me then." When I looked at V he seemed to look very sad. "I know it sounds bad but looking back I pity her. She never knew her parents so I can understand why she was so bitter. A lot of kids bullied me because I was different from them. My mom never abandoned me, she just died. I was loved and I knew what that was like, so that made me different." I stopped talking so that V could take it all in.

"What was Rika's last name?" I had to actually think about it because I hadn't thought of her in so long.

"I believe it was Yang. Why do you ask?" Could my Rika be the same one that Jumin mentioned earlier. I really hoped that wasn't the case.

"I thought maybe I knew her but I seem to be thinking of someone else." I knew he was hiding something by the way he avoided eye contact. It made me sad that he wasn't being honest with me but I knew he'd tell me in time. For now I would just have to trust him.

"I see. Well I'd tell you more about her but after she got adopted I never saw her again. A couple years back I did run into those foster parents and they told me she was engaged, but that's the last I heard of her." I was watching V closely to see if he would react to that.

"If she's really as bad as you say then I feel bad for the man she married." He laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair. He noticed me staring at him and he relaxed. "I'm really sorry that happened to you MC. I wish I could have been there for you."

"It's ok. Dealing with Rika was the nothing compared to Jake. At least Rika is gone but Jake is still trying to control my life."

"That was my next question. Who is Jake and why are you so afraid of him?" I took a deep breathe and got up from the couch. I reached behind the TV and pulled out a small book. I sat back and opened the book to a photo of me and a blonde hair boy. He was a little plump with a cigarette in his mouth and, although the picture didn't show it, he had his hand on my ass.

"Jake was my first boyfriend. I met him my freshman year of college and he was great at first. Then I began to focus on school and he just wanted to party. It started out as just emotional abuse. He would tell me that my major was pointless or that I was useless. It wasn't until I tried to break up with him that he got physical. I tried to maintain control but I was alone and had no one to lean on so I lost it. I just became some toy to him. He told me where to go, what to wear, and what I was going to do." I took a deep breathe and looked at V. His face was very stoic but he nodded at me to continue. "I would always try to run away but he would always catch me and punish me for it. He took everything from me. I never felt safe and there were days where I honestly thought he was going to kill me." I stopped to catch my breathe.

"So how did you get away?"

"I mean I never really did. I met Eric a couple years ago and he knew right away what was going on. Him and his wife helped me build a case against Jake and he went to jail for a while. I also got a restraining order against him so he can't come with in 1,000 feet of me. But that doesn't stop him from harassing me."

"What do you mean?" I pulled out my phone and opened my texts messages. "He has friends who watch me and tell him what I'm up to. For the last year I haven't heard a peep but since our dinner last Saturday I've gotten all of these." I passed V the phone and he scrolled through the messages. His calm expression turned to anger the more he read them.

"MC I fully apologize for this. If I would have know that you were receiving such vulgar messages I would have asked Luciel for help. Why didn't you tell me about these?" I could tell he was struggling with controlling his anger.

"I didn't tell you at first because I thought I could keep you at arms length and he would leave you alone. He can't do anything to me without risking more jail time but there's nothing stopping him from coming after you. I didn't care if you left but I didn't want you to get hurt." I felt so ashamed and couldn't even look him in the eye. "I know know that it wasn't the right thing to do but I also barely knew you. I didn't even plan on telling you any of this yet. I wanted to wait until I knew weather you'd actually stay." I heard V let out a deep breathe and he grabbed my hand. "I'm sorry. I know this a lot to take in and I understand if your angry."

"I'm not angry at you. I'm angry at this Jake person and I'm angry at myself. I just want you to be happy but I'm only causing more problems for you."

"V none of this is your fault. I knew that I'd have to deal with Jake at some point. I just never thought I'd have courage until I met you. I want to be happy and have you in my life, weather it's as a friend or something more. I want to make more memories with you V." I could tell he was shocked by my deceleration and his cheeks had turned a little red. Then he smiled and squeezed my hand.

"I'd also like that very much MC. I'll do what ever I can for you because your precious to me. Please don't ever forget that." His words had me speechless and all I could do was nod. "I have more question for you if that's alright," I gave him a look and he smiled, "Will you go out on a date with me this Saturday?" My face turned red and I was baffled.

"W-w-hy are you asking me out so suddenly?" I blurted out. V just laughed and smiled.

"Because if we go out on a date I can start calling you my girlfriend." He said it so smoothly and I was both elated and shocked. In my mind I was jumping up and down with joy but I realized that no words were coming out of my mouth.

"Well I guess Zen's question did strike a cord with you." I laughed as he blushed. "Of course I'll go out with you. I just have two request," he raised his eyebrow at me, "no where too fancy and no where too crowded."

"I think I can work with those." He said laughing. Yeti then jumped off my lap and began to meow. I looked at the time and saw that it was almost eleven.

"Oh wow it's late. Are you still going to be able to get a cab?" Now that V knew about Jake I was more concerned about his safety.

"Probably not but I can always try calling Jumin or Luciel." He pulled out his phone, "Excuse me for a moment." I nodded as he pulled out his phone and dialed the numbers. I went into the kitchen and grabbed two bottles of water. When I went back V had just hung up the phone. "Neither one answered. I guess I'll just find a hotel." Suddenly and idea dawned on me.

"You could stay here. My office has a murphy bed in it and I hardly ever use it." V's face was red but he kept his composure.

"I couldn't do that MC. I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable in your own home." I rolled my eyes at him.

"V I trust you and I don't think you'll ravage me in my sleep, not without my permission at least." I had not expected that last part to actually come out. Both of our cheeks were red so I quickly changed the subject. "I even some extra clothes that you can sleep in. Wait right here." I went into my room and came back with a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt. "I hope these fit. I've never worn the sweat pants because they're way to long and I have more than enough t-shirts. You can use the bathroom to change and stuff. I'll go get the extra bed ready." I went back to my room and grabbed some sheets. I set them on my bed and quickly changed into my own pajamas. I went to the room next door and pulled down the murphy bed. It had been a while since I actually used it but it still seemed in good shape. By the time I had the sheets on it V was done in the bathroom and standing in the door way. The shirt was a little small on him but he didn't seem to mind.

"I don't think I've ever worn clothes like this. They're so casual and comfy." I laughed at his amazement.

"Well you can keep them if you want. Like I said the sweat pants are too big and I don't wear the shirt often because it's too tight. There was a small silence and I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to say goodnight but I knew it was late and today had been a long day. "Well is there anything else that you need?"

"You've already done enough. Just make sure you get some sleep." He kissed my forehead gently and I smiled.

"I will but if you need anything I'm just on the other side of this wall, so don't feel bad about asking." He nodded and I left the room. As soon as I got into my room I collapsed on my bed. I was completely exhausted but I had never had such a fun day. For the first time in my life I didn't have any trouble sleeping.      

[seigyokus]

8.2 - Training Camp-- Start!

Idolish Seven - Part 3, Chapter 8.2 For more Part 3 translations, click here!

Translation below the cut!

Nikaidou Yamato: Are we seriously heading out to Atami right now.... Hey, Nagi. Got any pics from your modelling gigs saved on your phone? Rokuya Nagi: My smartphone is filled to the brim with "Magical★Kokona" screenshots. Kujou Ten: Ah.... Rokuya Nagi. Kujou Ten: .....I'm sorry about what happened. Rokuya Nagi: ......? What are you sorry about? My HDD, spectacular as ever, perfectly recorded a miracle tonight as well. (1) Kujou Ten: ....... During the press conference, you mentioned a Sak-- Chief Producer: Why, Kujou-san, there's nothing to feel sorry about! We've got a great villa booked for you guys, and it's well-maintained! You can even go to the hot springs! Nikaidou Yamato: Ahaha. There it is. Even Kujou got advice from 'em. Kujou Ten: Ah, no.... That was not my intention. Kujou Ten: ....... He said that he was close friends with him, but perhaps he hasn't been contacted about it yet? Kujou Ten: This is an important matter.... I cannot make a mistake here. I'll go check with Kujou-san once more. Kujou Ten: That is, whether or not Sakura Haruki-san has passed away.......

Production Staff: Thank you for your cooperation. Okazaki Rinto: If anything, thank you. You'll be filming all throughout the training camp, correct? Anesagi Kaoru: Take care during the editing process, okay? I'll be thoroughly checking the footage in case there's anything that could damage TRIGGER's reputation. Takanashi Tsumugi: This will be IDOLiSH7's first time getting filmed close-up for 24 hours and also designing costumes! It'll be a new challenge for them, and I hope they all do their best!

Izumi Iori: So this is where the training camp will take place. What an expansive villa.... Nanase Riku: I had tons of fun on the bus! We could see the ocean, and it was really pretty! Right, Ten.... Kujou-san? Kujou Ten: Ahaha. I agree. Izumi Mitsuki: Ah. Yamato-san, that looks good. What are you eating? Nikaidou Yamato: Fried squid. I bought it at the rest stop. Want a bite? Yuki: I can't improvise like that....... I'm not that kind of person....... Momo: It'll be okay, it'll be okay! You're a genius Yuki, and also super handsome! --Ah! They've got a whiteboard too! Osaka Sougo: Looks like it's for meetings. I'll go make some tea. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I'll help out. It's really nice that you can see the ocean from here. Yotsuba Tamaki: Futons! They have tons of futons stacked up over there! It's just like a school trip! Rokuya Nagi: Oh! Tamaki dived right in! Izumi Iori: Please don't make a mess! Yaotome Gaku: Oh! Check it out, they've got booze in the fridge! Nikaidou Yamato: Hell yeah, let's drink. Izumi Mitsuki: Isn't that for later, like at night to celebrate and stuff!? I can't believe you're doing this beforehand.... Yuki: Cheers. Nikaidou Yamato・Yaotome Gaku: Cheers!

Anesagi Kaoru: ......Are they going to be okay? Okazaki Rinto: Well, I think starting off with a leisurely atmosphere isn't too bad.... Also, I figured it'd end up like this.... Anesagi Kaoru: Alright, but if Ryuunosuke gets too drunk, I'll have you stop the cameras. Got it? Takanashi Tsumugi: Um....... Same goes for the adults in IDOLiSH7!

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Ahahaha! I never thought Gaku'd be going 'heave-ho, heave-ho!' Izumi Mitsuki: So, how'd the fans react? Be honest. Yaotome Gaku: It was 50-50. I had fun though! I think they got the most hyped up during our part on the last day of the reopening ceremony. Yuki: I don't think so. We were the main act. All: Hahahaha! Izumi Iori: Excuse me.... I think it's about time that we made some progress. We should set the theme for the music, choreography, and costumes.... Momo: Oh yeah! I watched the Summer Island Music Festival, by the way. Nanase Riku: You watched it!? I heard it was broadcasted on TV! Momo: Yep, yep! It was really good.... Not just that, I cried too! You should've called us over for stuff like that! Izumi Mitsuki: Wasn't it great? Rokuya Nagi: It was very cool! An unforgettable memory. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: I'm glad. It was awesome! I was pretty bothered about it after hearing the truth, but after the festival, I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders!

Anesagi Kaoru: Cut. Production Staff: Uh.... Anesagi Kaoru: Cut it. No questions asked.

Yaotome Gaku: Oh, right. Nikaidou, everything okay on your end? After all of that.... Nikaidou Yamato: Ah. Yeah, I guess. You know, after he retired, our exchanges have changed. Yaotome Gaku: How so? Nikaidou Yamato: He'll go on about about how he really owes your old man one and stuff. And I'll fire back, 'Shut up or I'm gonna spill!' Kinda like that. Yaotome Gaku: If anything ever comes up, just drop me a line. After all, I'm still the president's son. Nikaidou Yamato: Ahahaha! Damn, you're hot stuff, Yaotome! I really appreciate the thought though. Here, your cup's empty. (3) Yaotome Gaku: Yeah, anytime. Give your dad my regards.

Takanashi Tsumugi: Excuse me! Please don't use this footage! Production Staff: Huh!? U-understood. Takanashi Tsumugi: I'm truly sorry! Okazaki Rinto: They're all pretty drunk, aren't they....

Izumi Mitsuki: Wow, Momo-san! You're such a heavyweight! Momo: I'm just used to wining and dining! When we first started out, we'd get invited out to drink every day and every night! Momo: My body's gotten to the point where I can reset myself three times in a night as long as I drink water and go to the bathroom! Normal! Power-Up! And now, my Final Form! Izumi Mitsuki: Did they really make you drink that much? Basically, did anyone pick on you? Momo: Oh yeah, definitely! They're all good people, for the most part. But the people who picked on me.... Let's see....

Okazaki Rinto: Excuse me!! Please don't use this footage! Production Staff: That was quite the name drop.... Okazaki Rinto: It really was..... My stomach hurts.......

Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Oh! Speaking of which. You know how you've moved from romance dramas to more intense, harder dramas, Yuki-san? Yuki: Yeah. Tsunashi Ryuunosuke: Is it true that it's because popular actresses kept refusing to star with you? Yuki: I guess so. Nikaidou Yamato: Shit, seriously!? That's lame as hell......! Yuki: It's because they'd just go ahead and confess to me, and then blacklist me afterwards. All of these famous young actresses sure are terrifying.... Nikaidou Yamato: Like who? Yuki: Who indeed. Well, there was....

Okazaki Rinto: Excuse me......!! You can't use this! You absolutely cannot use this!! Production Staff: You know, I used to really like Re:vale, but I think I might be a Yuki anti now....... Okazaki Rinto: Oh no, oh no! He's a good boy! Please take care of him from here on out too! Oh, Yuki-kun, this is no good......! Anesagi Kaoru: Everything Re:vale has talked about has been rather.... Much. Takanashi Tsumugi: I'll go sneak in and hide all of the alcohol that's in the fridge!

Osaka Sougo: ......Oh? All of the alcohol in the refrigerator is gone.... Nikaidou Yamato: Wait, why? Did we really drink that much? Osaka Sougo: There's a note where they used to be.... "Please talk about things we can air." Izumi Mitsuki: Oh shit. The minors got bored while we were drinking and started to play Red Light, Green Light. (2) Kujou Ten: Red light, green light! One, two, three. ......Alright Nanase-san, you moved. Nanase Riku: Ah! I lost my balance! Izumi Iori: Excuse me, I'd like to start the meeting....... Rokuya Nagi: Coming to an exact stop is very difficult! By the way, what are the rules for this game? Yotsuba Tamaki: You've been playing this blindly!?

To be continued....

TL Notes/comments:

thank u @kuriiii for proofing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(1) HDD = hard disc drive = what you record TV with. The miracle Nagi is referring to is most likely anime LMAO (2) same rules, so i figured I'd just swap out the name for the eng. equivalent since that's (hopefully) more readily known. (3) yamato calls gaku ikemen, in reference to his personality/the line he said just before yamato spoke and i looked into the dim glow of my laptop as if i were staring into the camera on The Office.... "does that shit exist in  e n g l i s h?"

As usual, if you see any mistakes/mistranslations/etc, please message me!

Thank you for reading!!

[swearronchanel]

and my commentary continues: series 6, episode 2 (if this is now a thing idk what to title it)

You asked for it, my first class isn’t until noon tomorrow so I can sleep in & so, I complied Also the SAG awards finished at like 10pm so even after doing my night routine it’s still early haha here it goes …

- Oh shit I forgot color - ah I really like the new intro - Penny’s outfit is so cute - “Walk don’t run” stfu Sister Ursula this isn’t elementary school - “Have you lost your marbles bubsy” haha that’s cute - UGH I WANNA FIGHT THIS NUN - LET JULIENNE ARRANGE THE DAMN FLOWERS - This is when sister Ursula presses sister Monica Joan about the bon bons lol - “Unlike your sisters” guessing u don’t think u count - You’re damn right - Sister MJ sly af 😏 wish she was my grandma - Aw penny it’s ok sweetie all will be well - AlRight so where is St Cuthberts, is it closer than the London? Idk just wondering - I don’t care that much tbh - Damn this man gonna go blind how sad - I like knowing what happens when I’m watching bc I can’t take so much I get anxious - But are we not going to mention Patsy’s wig anymore? It’s still ugly, lucky emerald is beautiful anyway - - Ugh my bbys are still so hurt about the thalidomide 💔💔 - IT WAS NOT EITHER OF YOUR FAULTS - YES IT IS A MIRACLE PATRICK, YOU SHOULD’VE MENTIONED IT LAST WEEK but it’s all good - HE’S TOUCHING HER STOMACH AH - AND THEY KISSED Lmaoo I bet this will break Tumblr - UgH SUCH A SWEET MOMENT TO MELT MY COLD HEART - Jk this show has made me such an emotional mess, like I rarely ever used to cry or anything - But it could also be because of university diminishing my sanity - “We should really start telling people” - YEA PLS GIVE US A CUTE SCENE TELLING EVERYONE @ NONNATUS - - Buttt, I’m gonna guess it’s either going to be implied that they told them off screen or they won’t find out till she starts bleeding mid inspection ?? idk I’m just guessing, don’t come at me lmaoo - Patrick’s smirk “he’ll certainly understand” 😂😂 - SHELAGH’S CRINGING FACE I LOVE IT - YOU KNOW IM HERE FOR ALL CRINGEY EXPRESSIONS - Plus that’s my bby - - PHYLLIS SAW PATS AND DELIA - SHE KNOWS & IM GLAD IT WAS HER TO FIRST FIND OUT - - alright so let me be annoying real quick - From that clip from the casebook Valerie is problematic/lowkey racist & no estoy aquí para eso PERO I like her in the moment? - One, her outfit is cute - & B, she gets along well with my shelagh and seems nice.. I’m not gonna forget her comment though lol, so I’m going to stay neutral for now - - Ok the Marsh baby is born next - Lol sorry I love when sister Winifred is being cringey or funny but this was just kinda boring but I know it’ll get better later in the episode - BUT SERIOUSLY I WANNA KNOW SISTER WINIFRED’S REAL NAME - Idk why that was capitalized I don’t feel that strongly but I’m very curious !¡! - - Shelagh being all cute and cheeky giving those vaccinations - Penny is so sweet - - Alright this is so irrelevant but still, Shelagh is outside.. so Why would she throw up in a napkin in her hand? lol, all that open space 😭😂 idk I really hate throwing up and will not let my self throw up. Not even vlad can make me😷 - SHIT THAT EXPLOSION THO - what were they doing exactly? - like a bitch over here a lil confused :/ - MY LIL SUPERHERO SPRINGING TO ACTION YES BBY - shit George’s blind for good now it’s sad - and arthur’s gonna die damn - - look at disheveled Shelagh so damn pretty but I wonder when she got that cut lol - Lmaoo @ Valerie, so she knows the Nonnatuns - - Damn I’m only 17 mins in why do I talk so much shit to myself - Sister MJ sneaking that bread during sister Ursula’s prayer is me 😂 - I swear though if Sister Ursula tries to get rid of Sister MJ I will fight - My eyes roll every time this woman is on my screen - Phyllis chewing angrily is also me - “Travel visas there have been canceled” shit pats it’s too relevant right now - “I’m trifle deaf these days” PHYLLIS U ARE A GEM - Penny wins best dressed patient - - Patrick worrying is precious - SHELAGH TRYING TO HINT WHILE SMILING IS SO FUNNY BUT WHY - Lmao why are they acting like Tim is not literally right there? - Also this boy is 15 why is he not ever with friends - Of course he knew, he’s always around and isn’t dumb at all. He basically grew up around pregnant ladies tbh - “.. Good I don’t want to know any other details” lmao 😂 - I knew he’d be pleased but I lowkey wanted him not to upset or annoyed so he could have a good little story line - It’s not realistic that this 15 year old is so pleasant with his parents all the time - Like I was an angsty fright @ 15 - lol I’m acting like I’m old, I’m going to be 19 & I’m still like that^ with my parents a lot of the time - - Why do British people call bandaids “plasters”? Hm. I just think of plaster of Paris for like walls or whatever it’s used for - “I’m a slow healer” lol Shelagh is so precious - “If the baby’s a girl I’m moving out” I think it’ll be a boy. Actually Idk forget I said that - Don’t be nervous bby, speak up you got this - “That’s my girl” yes Patrick that’s our girl protect her at all freaking cost 😭 - I’ve gotten so far without saying “fuck” I’m proud - - “This is the dark before the dawn, but there is always a dawn” thanks sister I needed that - “I’ve committed a crime"😭😭 - I love sister MJ - also not gonna lie I cried a little the first time watching this - - Some mothers of color in the community centre makes me happy - Who’s the model though? 😏 - Someone find him & tag me - Ugh here comes sister “I ruin everything” - Honestly when is sister Julienne just gonna come out and say “you gotta go”? - No that’s not the way you do things - fuck yea sister J - “We must simply sit it out and wait for Churchill” - I HOPE THATS TRIXIE - BUT also I really want Sister Julienne to be the one who saves the day - Lol yea Babs your wardrobe should step it up but it’s okay - - Shelagh don’t be nervous you’re gonna kill it - Does sister Ursula even do anything? She doesn’t see patients does she? Nah she just makes everyone angry - Get up outta here - Lol I’m so Brooklyn for that - “Mrs Turner you look nice” - UM YES, MY BBY, her new dresses & coats slay - She finally took a break from the damn cardigans & I love it. Not that there’s anything wrong with cardigans but you catch my drift - Nah for real I wanted a fabulous wardrobe for Shelagh bc times are changing & Laura Main is literally gorgeous so she needs pretty outfits & got it I did - so here for it, now we wait for another pair of trousers. lets get it 1962 - this first dress had such jackie kennedy vibes, love it - - “Consequences be DAMMED” YES PATS - Phyllis and Sister J are proud, I really want one of them to press Sister Ursula - Look @ Delia actually being a nurse! - ah penny 💔 - - Shelagh’s so nervous at first but then is like YOU KNOW WHAT ASSHAT JUDGE - “Where is nurse Mount?” , “where she is needed” YES SISTER JULIENNE - love the blue coat Shelagh - “I’m not ill, I’m just tired and angry” same - Don’t cry bby - “Our best is worthless bc it won’t change anything” ugh crush my heart, especially that little hug. I need to hug them all - lol who invited Tom to the hospital - he’s so handsome though so it’s ok - TELL THEM, STAND UP - “We need to fight” yes ! - I was worried penny’s baby wouldn’t live - C'mon Pats be pc - okay patsy opening up, crushes my heart she’s so closed off but I feel - Here comes the wicked bitch of the east [end] - Whoops can I call a fictitious nun a bitch - YES PATS YES DONT TAKE HER SHIT - Aw patsy, you two will okay, I mean look sister Bernadette came back as Shelagh because of letters so you never know - - Shelagh’s baby blue outfit >> - she needs to go out in public more with her hair down and slay everyone’s life - “Not today.” Yes Delia - “You did it Mrs Turner, you made em listen!” - Yes tf she did. I’m so proud - the set makeup artist did a crazy good job with the burns - “We never really out grow our parents, we just think we do” aw I should call my mum and dad - mm maybe later it’s midnight lmao - DELIA SAID I LOVE U - I FEEL LIKE NO IMPORTANT COUPLE on here HAS SAID “I LOVE YOU” to each other ?? - They almost kissed aw - Fred just break the door damn - Reminds me a little of when Jenny left - Aw the Marsh fam - Phyllis you are gold - Phyllis is still learning Spanish, please give her an opportunity to use it! - the only Spanish speaking mother was conchita, wasn’t that the first episode ever? lets get another one - Anyway, this was so sad. - “The pain it costs to love..” PHYLLIS I LOVE You. You deserve everything good - Aw all the other mothers with penny! - Alright Lets hear it Vanessa - Aw Delia Bonus: preview for next week - my other bby Trixie is back !! - hope she loses her shit when she realizes sister Ursula is ruining everything + patsy/sister mary cynthia are gone - My bby Shelagh looks so pretty!💕 - BUT I KNOW NO ONE IS SHUTTING DOWN ANYTHING - I will not have it - Phyllis spilling the ever so obvious and boiling tea, sister Ursula is UNFIT - Pls let Sister Julienne say something crazy to her before she goes - Why is babs crying?? - ugh of course that’s the most of a preview we get - Nothing bad will happen to my bbys I won’t have it. Protect them at all costs or I’ll spontaneously combust - Jk but I might flip my shit or throw my laptop - But for real for Shelagh to miscarry 3 episodes in would be a waste of a storyline - Plus it is a drama, we’ll be shook for a while, then we’ll cry, we’ll laugh & then Vanessa Redgrave says something profound and we go on with the week - The End 🙃🙃 - If you read this far, you’re a champ - I did this for u all

[gguksgalaxy]

Engraved pt. 6

Masterpost <-- Engraved 5 | Engraved 7 -->

Short: You’re a tattoo artist for a gang known as EXO who own a club down town. (read synopsis at masterpost) Words: 5141 Warnings: swearing, mentioning of dicks Pairings: D.O. x Reader, slight Kai X Reader, slight Chen X Reader A/N: LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! YAHH PLEASE?????

Read it HERE on AFF, or below on Tumblr.

Xiumin pov

“Why do you always chose her side?!” Yixing yelled at him, standing in front of his desk. Minseok was leaning back in his chair, waiting for his friend to calm down. “Every single time I get into a fight with her, you pick her side! I get sent away and she doesn’t even get a warning!” He slammed his hands on the table. “Aren't you aware of what she did? All she’s done to us? What she’s ruined? You’re bringing that filth into our home like she belongs here! But she doesn’t, she’s poison! You saw that happened to D.O., they got into a dangerous fight FOR HER! Why would you do that? Don’t you care? You and I both know that it’s only a matter of time befo-“ “SHUT UP!” Xiumin yelled, suddenly, anger spilling over. 

“Bu-“ “Do not but me. Shut your fucking trap, and sit the fuck down. And I will tell you what’s going on here!” He growled, standing up from his chair. Lay sank into his chair, and Xiumin leant on the table, glaring at him. “I am the boss here, I decide who comes here and who doesn’t. You have no say in that. She has nothing to do with D.O. getting attacked, or with what happened to her last night. They came for her after they lost track of D.O. That is not her fault and you’re blowing it up.” “Do you actually believe that she doesn’t have anything to do with it. You said the same thing last time and we both kn-“ “STOP IT YIXING!” he yelled, throwing a book against the wall. “You're behaving like a child. Just because I’m not completely on your side, you’re throwing a tantrum. And you’re involving other members in this stupid feud you have with her. It ends here, and it ends now. Because she has never, ever said anything to you like you have to her. It’s always you who starts it, the yelling, the screaming, the fighting. It’s always you, and I need you to grow up and get over it.” He stated, trying his best to calm down. Lay scoffed, and Xiumin tightened his knuckles so hard they cracked. “You’re just going to forgive her for what happened to Luhan?” Yixing whispered, tears in his eyes. That was it, enough. “What happened to Luhan was MY fault not HERS!!!” he screamed.

***

Reader pov

You were sitting on the bed, Kyungsoo sitting next to you against the headboard. “I’ve never heard him this angry.” he whispered. “It happens.” you croaked, voice still hoarse. Xiumin’s office was close to this room, and while you couldn’t understand what he was saying, you could clearly distinct his voice from Lay’s. “Why does Lay behave that way to you.” he asked, looking at you, as you were drinking tea. A sigh escaped your lips. “Something happened, don’t want talk bout it.” you mumbled, trying to use as few words as possible since your throat was still incredibly sore. He frowned, searching your eyes. “Okay, I just hope you’ll be able to get along better some day.” “Probably not.” you held the warm cup in your hands, leaning it on your lap as you rested your head against his shoulder. “Sorry.” “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. It’s okay, you don’t know me that well either.” he said, touching your hand briefly. “But I’m here if you ever need to talk.” “Thanks.” you whispered. The door opened and you lifted your head. Finding Suho in the doorway. “Hey.” You smiled. “Hi.” “Can I talk to you?” he asked, but it was more directed towards D.O. than to you. The boy beside you got up, running a hand through his fading red hair. “Yeah, sure. See you.” he said the last part to you, before he left the room. Suho sat down on the edge of your bed, worry clear in the frown on his face. He swallowed thickly and rolled his neck. “I need to ask you something. I won’t judge you, but please don’t lie to me.” You nodded, you had no reason to lie to him in any way. But you knew what this was about. “Have you ever apologised to Lay, for what happened?” he asked. It was a touchy subject, and even though you knew that it wasn’t your fault entirely you still felt extremely guilty for what happened all those years ago. “Yes, he won’t hear it.” Suho sighed, creasing his forehead further and rubbing the scar on the bridge of his nose. “Would you be willing to listen to him? Talk to him about it?” “You think he wants to talk bout about it, calmly?” you asked, and coughed. There was no more blood but it hurt a lot still. Suho rubbed a hand over you back and handed you a bottle of water. “It’s going too far now. Xiumin’s at a loss for what to do.” “Lay knows what happened, it’s his choice who to blame.” With every word you spoke your voice was getting worse and worse. “I just wish he’d stop bringing Jongin into it.” you mumbled. It needed to stop, you knew that. And you tried your best to ignore him, but it wouldn’t work. He wasn’t going to rest until you were gone. Because you had admitted to him that it was your fault, and sometimes you still had nightmares about that night. You felt like it was your fault, it was all your fault, but that wasn’t going to make it better. It couldn’t bring them back. “He has no right to do that. I heard what he said, and I don’t know what happened between you, but Xiumin wasn’t too happy about it either. I’m just glad Kai wasn’t there to hear it. I understand how Lay feels, that he’s angry, but it’s not going to make it better.” “He hasn’t accepted it yet.” Suho seemed a little shocked by your comment, so you elaborated. “Lay needs to give it a place, he hasn’t learnt to deal with it.” That’s when he seemed to understand. “I'm not sure if he ever will be able too.” You understood that, losing someone you love was hard, but through time you’d have to learn to live with it. “Sorry.” He smiled, eyes squinting, cheeks round. “Thanks for listening to me, I’ll let you rest now.“

***

The first time you got out of the bed properly was two days after it happened. Jongdae helped you take a shower for as far as it was possible with wounds and gauzes and everything, and he was brushing your hair now, much to your dismay. “Stop pulling!” you whined, your voice much better now. He laughed, “I’m not pulling it!” “You are! Oh my god. Stop it! Ah!” you used your good hand to reach for the brush but he held it out of your grip. “Dae, give me the brush!” There was a mischievous glint in his eyes and you almost felt it coming. “I could always come and ask Kyungsoo to do it. I’m sure he’ll be really careful with you.” He winked. You just rolled your eyes and let him continue the agony that was hair brushing. “He was so worried about you, you should’ve seen him.” “I did, I was conscious. I also remember you taking of my jeans, and winking at me, while i was practically dying.” He scoffed. “Oh drama queen, you weren’t even close to dying. Stop all the self pity.” There was still the soft colouring of a bruise on his cheekbone from here Lay punched him. But you didn’t ask, you didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You had told yourself that the problem was with him, and not with you, and he needed to solve it himself. “Is this your way of bonding?” Xiumin said, walking into the room. You hadn’t seen him since that night but he seemed pretty much okay. He had his suit jacket in his hands, and his tie was loosely hanging around his neck. The first few buttons of his shirt undone. Chen laughed, and it was contagious. Even Xiumin smiled a little if your squinted. “I haven’t gotten the chance to ask you about the attack.” he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “Oh yeah, ask away.” you nodded, turning your head in his direction. Which only earned you a pull on your hair from Jongdae. “Hey!” you snapped. “Keep your head straight woman.” Minseok seemed oblivious to your banter. “Did you recognise any of them?” It was something that you had thought about for the last two days. “No, not that I can think of off the top of my head. Otherwise I’d have told you immediately. But if you give me photo’s I can ask around. When I go back home.” “That’s actually what I wanted to ask you. Would you be okay to go home?” You knew why he asked you, and you couldn’t refuse. “Sure, I just might need someone to help me around the house. I’d call a friend, but if they come back I just don’t want to be alone.” you mumbled the last part, a little ashamed to let them know you were afraid of them coming back. Normally you wouldn’t care, because you can fight, but in the shape you were in right now they’d beat you to a pulp. Again. “Yeah that’s alright. I’ll send someone with you, but they might switch around from day to day. It’s just that Lay is on edge, and it’s making everyone uncomfortable. I can’t have you here right now.” “I understand, I’m sorry.” you said, and you noticed that Dae had put down the brush but was awfully quiet. You also knew that Xiumin and Chen weren’t on completely good terms to you felt the tension in the hand on your shoulder. “You know you can trust him right?” you said, not looking up at Dae, but directly at Minseok. The sharp eyed man’s gaze flickered to your best friend. “I trust him just as much as I trust you.” “I think you trust me more than you let on.” you shot back, crossing your arms over your chest. He shrugged, and you felt Chen’s grip on your shoulder get tighter and tighter. His nail digging through your thin shirt and into your skin. Xiumin sighed.  “I trust you as much as I see fit, and the same goes for him, you know why. We’ve had the discussion, and I don’t like to repeat myself.” He stood up and walked towards the door. You took a leap of faith. “You have a new ring. Black diamond, sterling silver, left forefinger. It’s a men’s ring, but you have small hands so it doesn’t fit properly. Which is why you put it on the bottom. You never mentioned you were working on something, but you’ve been busy. Wearing a suit more often than not. Suho seems busy too, you’re planning something. And you’re not involving the rest, maybe Yixing.” He stopped, and turned around, Chen stepping from your back to your side. Away from Xiumin. With an arched eyebrow he stepped closer to you, staring you down. “What are you trying to say?” You shrugged, and it hurt your side. “How can they trust you when they don’t know what you’re doing half of the time.” “I'm the boss.” “That doesn’t mean you get to do whatever you want. You get their trust by trusting in them. They don’t owe you their trust, but they work for you. They’d walk through fire if you asked them to. Give them something in return. And I don’t mean money. Or you’ll regret it later on.” you stated, like it was the most normal thing. Relaxed, casually. He scoffed at you, shaking his head. “I’m not taking leadership advise from a rogue like you.” “Without this rogue you’d be dead meat.” “No, that’s where you’re wrong Angel. Without this rogue, they’d still be alive.” That’s when Dae lost it, he laughed forwards, pushing Xiumin back. “Take that back.” he growled, pointing at his chest. Xiumin didn’t even budge more than a step backwards to keep balance. His hands were in his pockets and he eyed him straight up. They were the same height, but if they fought Dae would loose and you knew it. “Watch it Kim Jongdae.” he said. “You know it’s not her fault, just as much as Lay does. So cut the crap and stop using it against her. She feels guilty enough as it is.” Jongdae argued, and you just wished he didn’t. It wasn’t that you didn’t want him to stand up for you. But you knew it was no use and it was just going to piss Minseok off, which was exactly what you did not need right now. The leader took a deep breath, and you saw the anger in the way he moved his lips. “I’m going to let this slide. Because I don’t feel like fighting right now. But if you talk like that to me again, I will make you regret it. Do you understand?” Chen swallowed, and you saw his adam’s apple move up and down. There was fear in his stance, he was good at covering it up, but he knew he overstepped his boundaries and you recognised it in him. You couldn’t even explain what it was that you saw, but you just saw it. “Yes boss.” he answered. Minseok nodded and faced you again. “I'll send Kyungsoo with you to your place for the first few days. He’s off and needs to take a proper rest for once. Baekhyun will keep an eye around. And no, not inside your place. You’re welcome.” he said and then left. Your best friend let himself fall on the bed, running his hand through his jet black hair. His chest heaved as he sighed, and he pouted. The playful curl of his lips disappearing. “You don’t need to stand up for me like that, you know that right?” “You don’t deserve that, and you know it.” “That doesn’t make any difference to them. It’s fine I’ve accepted it.” He sat up, leaning back on his arms. “Why do you keep getting pissed at Lay then?” You clicked your tongue, chewed one of your piercings. “Because he keeps involving Jongin into the matter and it makes me sick to the stomach. He has nothing to do with this.” you mumbled. Chen came over to you now, and you stood up, ready to go home. “You told me you slept with him, with Jongin. But you’re leaving something out aren’t you?” he asked, looking at you. “It doesn’t concern you Dae.” Something you never said tot him before. You always told him everything, but not this, this was between you and Jongin. “I'm sorry.” He smiled and hugged you. “You don’t have to tell me everything. It’s okay to keep secrets. I know how close you and Jongin are, and I don’t need to pry into it.” You hugged him back, and kissed his cheek when you let him go. “Thank you.” He ran a hand through your hair, now free of knots. “You don’t have to thank me for anything. Ever”

***

Kyungsoo drove you home, and the two of you chatted about nothing really. It was nice to have a conversation about stupid things like what food is better, or what you like to eat when you’re drunk, or making bets about who would get drunk more quickly, Chen or Baekhyun. At home your windows has been repaired again, and most of the stuff had been cleaned up, the upstairs was still a mess though. Books, kitchenware, clothes were strewn everywhere. “Where if you bedroom?” he asked, picking up a pillow from the couch. You smirked. “Going straight for the important questions aren’t we?” He deadpanned you. “Can you just answer me normally for once?” “Sorry, it’s one floor up. The bedroom and bathroom are there. Kitchen and living room here, shop downstairs. It seems a bit whacky but for one person it works out. I can house two even.” you moved down to pick up book from the floor and flinched at the pull in your side. Kyungsoo was by your side quickly. “Don’t do that, you’re going to hurt yourself. I’ll try and get the stuff off the floor.” He moved you to the couch with a little protest from you, but you sat down anyways. Fractured ribs were a bitch, and you knew they healed slowly. Again another week of calling off clients and not earning jack. That was going to be good for the bills. Maybe you needed to take up online poker again. You watched him pick up some novels and sketchbooks from the floor, stacking them up and setting them on the shelves in an order that made you cringe. It couldn’t be helped though, he didn’t know where things belonged. You’d just have to put them right later on. The kitchen are wasn’t too bad, and easily found the drawer where the pants belonged. You had no utter idea what they’d though they’d find in here. There was nothing that connected you to any of them except your drawings. You could make up a fake name and they wouldn’t know. They probably didn’t even know where EXO was located or that EXO was even involved. Since they only came for D.O. which still seemed weird to you. Why would they come for him if he was just on a job. “You know, they told me, or you told me, I don’t remember. But the guy you were after the night you got attacked, was just a loan gone wrong. I still don’t understand why they attacked you.” He looked up, eyebrows raised. “Oh, yeah strikes me too.” Caught dead in the act. “You’re lying to me. Tell me the truth.” You sounded snappier than you intended but you didn’t appreciate being lied to. Kyungsoo stopped dead in his tracks, was he really this bad of a liar? “I’m not lying.” “Yes you are, I can practically smell it. Sehun told me, I remember now. So either you’re both lying or Sehun doesn’t know.” Something crossed his eyes. “He doesn’t know does he. Xiumin is keeping something from the rest. But he trusted you with it.” You got up and walked over to him. “What is he doing?” There was something in his eyes that told he really wasn’t supposed to be telling you this. He stepped back, against the counter. “I can’t tell you.” “He’s asking me to help him find them. But he knows who they are doesn’t he. Is he trying to pick a fight on purpose?” you narrowed your eyes, trying to find the confirmation in his face. He knew he was being cornered right now, and they he couldn’t lie to you. So he was actually smart not to say anything and keep the frightful look on his face. “Fine then you don’t tell me. I’ll ask him myself.” You turned to the fridge and opened it to see if there was anything useful. Some stuff had gone bad to you pushed the trashcan closer and threw away what wasn’t edible anymore. You poured the sour milk down the drain. D.O. calmed down and picked up a knife from the floor. “I want to tell you, but I don’t want to betray him.” “It’s almost like he baited you. He must’ve known there was something going on there. He shouldn’t have sent you in alone.” You grabbed chicken and some peppers that seemed to be alright. There was creme fraîche in the fridge that didn’t expire yet, and you should have some burritos somewhere. “I hope you’re okay with chicken burritos because that’s all I can make with this.” “You don’t have to cook, we can order in.” He said, touching your shoulder. You shook your head. “I don’t do take out, I always try to cook if I can.” “I didn’t expect that from you.” “Who do you think cooked for them when you were stuck in bed? Chen guilt tripped me into doing it. Remind me to never cook for 10 again. I don’t understand how you keep up.” He laughed at your comment and watched you was the vegetables and take out a chef’s knife from a block. “If you want to help you can cook the chicken on the skillet. There’s oil in the drawer below.” you pointed him in a certain direction and he followed without a word. He heated the pan and the satisfying sizzle filled the room as he dropped the pre cut chicken into the pan. You finished cutting up the vegetables and washed your hands before you turned on some music through your sound system. “You have a sound system?” he asked. You nodded, going through the rack of spices and finding what you need. “Yeah, this one is here and in the bedroom, the one in the shop is separated. It’s pretty nice, I like having music on most of the time.” “I only listen when I’m alone actually.” he said. “Sometimes I like silence.” With a teaspoon you measured off the spice you needed, memorising it from all the times you’d done it before. You handed him a small bowl. “Add this, with 100 mils of water.” You had your own spices to add through the creme for later. “Here let me add this.” playfully pushing him aside with your hip you slid in the vegetables from the cutting board. The room smelled nice now, spicy and fresh. You felt his eyes on you as you ran your fingers over the spoon to taste the sauce. There was nothing heavy about his gaze, as it lingered on your mouth when you licked your digit. Or when you felt it move up and down your body. You didn’t feel the need to comment on it either, you’d stared at him often enough and he probably had felt it. “How many piercings do you have?” he asked, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear to see all the little rings and studs there. “You can count,” you playfully winked. “Okay,” he answered, accepting the little challenge. You put a lid on the pan and turned on the oven. Then you turned to him. He counted out loud, “One, two,” In your lips. You stuck out your tongue. “Three, four.” your smiley too. His fingers touched your jaw to turn you head, and he counted till eleven on one ear, and seventeen on the other. “Okay, seventeen, seventeen.” he pointed at your nose. “Eighteen.” His eyes went down from your face to your neck, and his fingers followed his gaze, trailing down to the collar of your shirt. You cocked an eyebrow at him, and he accepted it as a green light. He pulled down your collar to reveal your collarbone piercings. “Twenty.” His eyes skimmed back up over your face, lingering at your lips a little too long. On purpose you caught your teeth on one of your piercings and smiled. “Are you done?” Kyungsoo frowned and trailed the fingers of his left hand down over your right shoulder all the way to your hand. Where he brushed over the piercing between your thumb and forefinger. “Twenty-one.” You cocked an eyebrows and grabbed his wrist, placing it on your hip. Making sure to brush his thumb against the piercing above your hipbone. His breath hitched and he moved his other hand to the same place on your other hip. He felt the piercing there and you noticed him step closer. “Twenty-three.” he breathed, almost against your lips. “Is that it?” If your side didn’t hurt you’d have reached up to touch the hairs at the nape of his neck, skim your fingers through them. To touch the spot where the longer red started, and mess it up a little. But you didn’t. “I have a total of Twenty-four.” He frowned and took a moment to count in his head, you saw it by the way his eyes flickered to your ears and still slightly exposed collarbones. Then his gaze dropped lower, to your bellybutton and he moved his hand to run his fingers down, coming to rest at the top of your jeans. There was nothing there, you were never the type for a piercing like that. He pulled you closer by hooking his fingers into your jeans, his fingers separated from your skin by the thing fabric of your T-shirt. “You have one down there, don’t you?” He said, breath fanning over your cheek. You hummed in return. “You’ll just have to keep searching to find out.” With a shake of his head he leant down, and you felt his lips brush against yours just as the oven went off. “Food's calling,” you whispered. Swiftly, you stepped out of his embrace and opened the oven, a wave of heat hitting your face. “Are you still playing me?” he asked as you stepped up to the pan and lifted off the lid. You however didn’t expect him to press you up against the counter. Softly, you pressed back against him, leaning into his chest. “I remember telling you there are no breaks in this game. Plus, we don’t want the food to burn now do we?” He shook his head and laughed, tipping this head down and you felt his hair brush against your ear. “Okay, let me help then.” The two of you put the chicken and sauce in the burritos, set them on a tray and topped them with cheese. You set plates and cutlery on the kitchen island table, and poured water into glasses. “So tell me.” he said, sitting down on one of the stools. “Have you tattooed and pierced all of us?” You sat down too and leant back a little, crossing your legs. “Yes, every single one of you. I don’t think any of you have tattoos that I didn’t do. Except for the one on your chest, the star.” Over his heart he had a small star tattoo, it was a simple outline but you'd seen it when you did his back and shoulders. “That means you did Suho’s…�� he paused. “Dick piercing?” he said questioningly, not sure how to voice it. As if it was the most normal thing in the world you nodded. “Yeah, he took it well though. I’ve had guys faint on me before with much less painful ones. Chanyeol almost threw up.” He chocked on his water, coughing. “What?” “Chanyeol, when I pierced him. He got a pain rush and almost threw up. It was sad honestly, I don’t see the point of getting your dick pierced anyways.” “You pierced Chanyeol’s too?” “And Xiumin’s.” The oven dinged and you got up while he still looked at you with wide eyes. “Remember my off-“ “I don’t need you to pierce mine too.” he cut you off, a little rudely. And you wondered why, was he jealous or something. Or just prude. “Does that mean you don’t want me specifically to do it, or just not in general.” You asked, as you sat down the tray in the middle of the table and took off the oven mittens. Both of you took two rolls and you scraped the extra cheese of the edge. He took a bite but didn’t answer you. “Not answering my question makes you all the more suspicious.” you said, taking a bite yourself. It tasted good, maybe could’ve used a bit more spice and a little less salt but it was nice. Through five years of living by yourself you had learned to cook a lot of things with the same ingredients. So that you could cook different things each day as much as possible. You weren’t a big fan of scraps. Still he didn’t reply, eating in silence. You looked at him, narrowing your eyes. As if on cue, he looked up at you, eyes holding a dark glint. He licked excess sauce of his fingers, tongue darting out between full lips to run over the pad of his digit. Then licked his lips, and has the nerve to smirk afterwards. The fucker. You tried your best to go back to your food and eat like nothing happened. He spoke up when your plate was empty. “Angel, I want to ask you something and I want you to answer me honestly.” You frowned, he sounded serious. “Okay?” “How long have you known Jongdae?” The question spiked something in you. “Mutually? Or known off him.” “Does that make a difference?” he asked and you knew he was now suspicious of something. “I know a lot of people who don’t know me.” “Then both.” You doubted, and played with the piercing on your hand. Traced the lines of your tattoos. “I’ve known about him for about six years now. We’ve known each other for about three and a half, four years now.” Please let him not jump to conclusions about this. His eyes looked into yours and you knew he couldn’t see anything, that your face was a hundred percent straight. But you felt the fear. “So you knew him before he joined?” “Yes, he joined about three years ago, few months before Jongin did.” Kyungsoo was silent after that, as he grabbed the plates and cutlery and set them in the sink to wash them. Adding soap and warm water as if it was his own place. “I told you not to worry about them.” you said, coming up beside him and drying off the plates. He sat his hands on the sink, leaning down. “I know. That’s not it. It’s just…It’s nothing never mind.” You touched his shoulder, running your hand down his back. He was warm, and firm and…”Tell me.” He sighed and turned to you. “Is it a coincidence that Lay and Xiumin both don’t get along with you and Chen, and that you’ve known him from before he joined?” Before you could stop it your breath hitched, and you knew he caught something in your eyes, because he mirrored it back at you. You opened your mouth and closed it, not looking away from him. Fear, you could smell your own fear right now. Why does this scare you, it shouldn’t. It definitely shouldn’t. “Say something.” he whispered, like he was afraid that you’d say something bad. You took a deep breath and mumbled; “I can’t talk about this with you.”

@oh-beyond @mylordae @chenbootysoo @bootyfulohsehun @nunchiwrites @damn-jongdae-slay @ruke-pammant @xingtrash @i-am-foyo @littlekatlizzy @thawingsnowwolf @starswithlyrics @kpopmafiaaus @kaori-yuki-chan @sherbatchan @yoongi-insfires-me @thickdicksuho @kuristo @hyamori @reginag02 @melyyexo @i-learned-thatfromthepizzaman

[survivorkomnata]

Episode #2: "Shea is being Sheady" - Stephen W

Hello world! I am quite lucky to be still alive after not being able to socialize adequately with my tribemates and doing the worst in the challenge. I gotta thank the other tribe for sending me to exile.

However I had to stay away from things and missed out on an opportunity to get into a solid early alliance. All the games I have played so far, I have started in comfortable position whereas in this one, I am already finding myself at the bottom and I have to work my way from here. I feel it's going to be a good challenge and I like it. I have to give my best in this challenge and prove my worth and I also really hope my tribe wins this one so that I will have some time to build some relationship and get into a better position.

As far as my tribemates are concerned, I know Ally and Stephen from EM. I have a good relationship with Ally and a pretty decent one with Stephen too. Zach and me have connected really well and he is lovely and great to talk to. These are the 3 that have shown interest in working with me so far. The rest are cool too but I need to have more conversations with them pretty soon.

With the creation of the 'alliance' alliance, I've taken my first major step towards solidifying my bonds. I'm trying to keep things good with everyone on my tribe, because a swap can take me away from all my current allies, but I'm gonna prioritize my current group. My only worry is that I know Ally/Zach are at least somewhat close with Jess because they mentioned talking to her about the Timmy vote yesterday. Jess has given me information though, so I'm starting to feel like I can trust her. I'm just not sure I'm a high priority ally for her. The other guys on the tribe are great, but there seems to be a lack of willingness to talk game. I don't mind talking real life with anyone, but there needs to be a game relationship too, and it feels like I'm the one starting all the conversations regarding game with them.

Day 4!! Yay! I survived the first tribal where Timmy was eliminated. I also got around to talking to Jess and sharing our idol searches in order to reach the idol as fast as possible. Upon his return, I talked to Karthik about everything. He was concerned about what would have happened if he stayed at camp (He probably would have left). I told him that I would have rallied for him and said other tings to win him over. Honestly him going to the basement was the best thing to happen to his game as well as my own because it kept him safe and I got to keep him in the game without rallying for him. Because of me winning him over, he told me about the basement and his basement search!! He didn't find anything though. I'm still working my social game on the tribe. I really want to pull in Liam and keep him close.

I must say that I'm enjoying my time playing my first Discord org. The platform really makes the game easy to format and such. This challenge is a flash game showdown which is neat and I fought to get 2048. I think that I'm doing great but honestly I could be flopping lol. I got 36k so far but I'm gonna keep on pushing for more!

Just a few updates...

So I've been REALLY working HARD on establishing trust with Tim. I do think he's a ride or die kind of dude. I've been trying to give him every piece of info I have in order to build that trust. HOWEVER, I may or may not have lied and said Zach followed our season closely to make Tim paranoid about Zach (although Zach could have.. who knows?).

I think Tim trusts me because we created an idol-search list? He also gave me the tea he had from Kartik about the basement. I know I have zero chance of being sent there because of TJ/Alyssa (unless they think it's a punishment) so I'm sad I don't get to look for an advantage.

So I've decided to start keeping tabs on my game in the form of notes so I don't fuck up along the way or forget important events...

So I decided to look more into Zach and I basically found out that he's basically the male version of Alyssa but BETTER. His placements in MAIN SEASONS have been 1st, 2nd, and 4th. He NEEDS TO GO SOON. I need to make this happen before merge. I'm going to put my ass into SUPER SOCIAL HOE MODE and whore myself out to these people so that when the time comes.. we could possibly take him out.

Also I'm struggling talking to Aly. The first night we seemed to have a lot in common but now.. she just barely talks. I need to fix that ASAP.

I'm talking to Liam more (found out he created a FB series I'm currently playing). I'm going to work on that relationship hard tonight and in the next couple of days (assuming I stay).

I need to rebuild trust with Daniel about the Timmy vote. I've played with Daniel in the past and he also knows how I play so that's border-line concerning. He's also close to TJ on the other tribe so I'm shaking in my boots. I'm just in a shits storm and it's only day 4.

So I guess the Agenda for the next day is: 1. Keep working on Tim. 2. Build a relationship with Liam. 3. Don't fuck up in any way possible.

Okay so we just lost the immunity challenge and Isaac (The person I wanted gone) went to the basement, Cool! Currently everyone is scared of saying a name which ofc makes sense, right now I want either Jake (Who I reaaaally believe is a threat) or Alyssa (Who tbh have not talked much with) gone, I have alliances with almost everyone not like alliances but like deals as I said b4, I'm very interested in being in an alliance with Fede, Luke, Shea and Stephen tbh but Jake also targeted (kinda) Stephen which also does not make me happy so I'll see.

We lost, which sucks. We got demolished, which sucks. Isaac got sent to the basement, which Really Sucks because now no one knows who to vote for. So its “solidify relationships” time. I’ve got Fred, Jake, Luke, and Miguel in the good books, Shea and Alyssa in the wings if I need them but tbh.... I’m willing to cut Alyssa, she’s the only one I know from skype, and a fresh start would he nice.... Idk as long as its not me right?

Well poop, apparently my name and Luke’s are being thrown about. But definitely not by anyone in particular, no no, these names where brought up by the Phantom Tribe Member -_- I’m trying to throw out a thirf name: Alyssa, just because I get the feeling I can throw her under the bus. Sorry Alyssa <3

WHY DO I DO THIS?? I always try to please everyone and I overplay too hard! Ugghhhh Ok, time to slow down, follow the easy path of voting with this pseudo alliance, even if it means someone cool is out, and not try to build up shit. This is the hand I was dealt with, and that's it, I'm gonna work with it.

Alright, so I think I just made the first move in this game without getting blood on my hands. When comparing some stuff with Alyssa, I realized that Shea was playing hella messy, and knowing that I would prefer to keep Luke and Stephen, it seemed like a necessary move to vote Shea. After Alyssa agreed that that would be a good move, we've worked on getting Luke and Stephen on board, both seemingly in with the plan. Now we would just need one more. Hopefully it didn't seem like Alyssa and I orchestrated this together and paints a "duo" target on our backs, but I'm glad that I have someone I feel like I could trust in this game (cross my fingers those words don't come back to haunt me).

So. Drama. Tea. All those lovely things. So I managed to make an alliance between me Luke Federico (Who I have been calling Fred, oops) and Jake. Then Shea tells me Jake was the one who threw my name out. But then Luke spills that Shea is being Sheady and forcing names outta people and then spreading the info to cause #Drama. Interesting. Long story short I’ve forgive Jake (for now) and we’re switching our votes to Shea. Bye bye.

It has been a crazy, crazy day to say the least, I’m chilling and baking a batch of strawberry lemonade cupcakes, thinking my tribe has this challenge in the bag. Then the big moment comes and we are swept by the other tribe 7-0, and I’m flabbergasted. As soon as ratboy is sent to basement, I knew our first tribal wasn’t going to be so simple. I mentioned how I wanted to show a different side of me in this game and I am being way more social and helpful to the tribe than I ever have been in an ORG. From organizing the tribe while games were being picked to going on camera in the first challenge. I’m feeling great and I am thinking that I’ll survive this tribal and then my name is thrown out. I get so nervous and start thinking that my time is up in the game. Many of my tribe mates that I have socialized with kept saying they thought I’d be safe and that they didn’t want me voted out. I’m still feeling nervous until StephenW asks me if I want to start a majority alliance with him, which no one had asked me before. We pick the three best possible members: Miguel, Federico and Jake. In the few hours since the alliance formed we have been in sync with every decision and even figured out the source of all the confusion within our tribe, someone we all thought we could trust was playing us and we now have a plan to vote that person out. I feel like I am in a solid position in my tribe and as long as there’s isn’t a repeat of my alliance tribe’s incident from EMBB8 I think I can make it far in this game and maybe even win.

Yay we slayed the Kato's in the challenge and gave them what they deserved for sending me to the basement. I have made some good progress with regard to my position in the tribe. Stephen initiated the talk of forming an alliance and we ended up making an alliance of Stephen, Ally, Zach and myself. This is perfect for me and was exactly what I wanted.

I have also been working with these 3 ppl individually for the idol hunt so far and made steady progress. I have never done well with an idol so I would absolutely not mind any of these 3 getting it. At least I would be able to have the info of who is having the idol which would provide some clarity. Only problem is none of these 3 seem to be keen on letting the other 2 in on the idol hunt. It appears as if these 3 are just working with me alone for the idol. Maybe Ally is working with Jess too on this. But the thing is it makes me think that they feel closest to me out of everyone. I could be entirely wrong but if thats true, it makes me worry that they might be pissed of at me when they guess that I have been sharing the idol hunt with others and force them to lose trust in me. I hope I can somehow manage this with caution and come out of it clean. I definitely dont want to be seen as a snake so early in the game. Speaking of snakes, I dont get why whichever game I play, talks about Elmo pops up. Stop giving him attention, he doesnt deserve it!

Other than that, Tim has shown interest in working with me and he said he would rallied for me even if I hadnt been sent to the basement. I do believe and trust him. He is chill and does seem like a good person to work with so I am feeling a lot more comfortable now than I was 24 hrs ago :)

we won immunity, and i won two (2) comps. FUCK multitask though, and even pomme pomme. both are fun at times but i was so stressed out. the one day that i'm actually doing something (i.e getting glasses fixed, dentist, being out all day), i volunteer for two flashgames opposed to just one. it don't matter tho considering we clean sweeped them and i'm soooo happy!!

so right now i talk to everyone, obvious at different amounts. stephen/ally (who are super close) approached both me and karthik separately asking for an alliance. now, i'm fine with them, and i talk to them a lot - they're great and fun. i'm just worried cuz those three are a lot closer together than they are to me, i think, because they're pregame friends (not saying they're premade or whatever, but they know each other from before). stephen mentioned (once again, jack/matt DONT READ) that we're kinda team meta because we're all from EM. well, he ain't fully wrong but ASKGLADSGKDh.

karthik is my fav tho. he gives me idol guesses and is such a king. i love him so so so so much.

it'd be hard to rank who i trust the most to least. i genuinely enjoy everyone's presence. i think daniel would be someone who's on the 'outside' and would be good to pull in, but i very much see him being the next boot if we lose. not necessarily because i'd want that, but just because he seems like an outlier given his vote against liam + not being as socially active as others. liam's from FB but i like him a lot. jess is soooo funny but is super close to alyssa. however, she's a loyal queen and i adore her sm. tim has been less... charismatic but he's so fun overall and i really enjoy him. ideally, i guess daniel leaves if we go to tribal again (given there's no swap), which would suck, and then i just hope we swap or something.

i'm also very scared of a swap. i think i'm one of the top three physical threats (on top of my Kuang Si record, which was asked by jess and is known by potentially a few, including ally). i'm just worried i'll be taken out late premerge as a physical/social threat but it's kind of hard to tone it down. i enjoy talking to people, not even just for game but that's my personality, and then i always am good at competitions. it's soooo nervous and i think i'm playing too hard too soon (not strategic or aggressive, just being a more power player ig. that's not being cocky i'm just worried, i hope its paranoia lol).

anyway, i'm final 16, living life. i called woman wonder marvel to karthik (it's DC but wbk i'm a dumbass).

With the way things have been going with my health this week, I am so glad we're not going to tribal. I dunno, it's just been hard to get my head in the game but I'll keep venturing on!

Ok so we won the challenge in a landslide LMAO. I think I proved to my tribe that I actually can be good at challenges, despite having a relatively low score last round. However, I am a bit afraid at this point that I isolated myself from everyone when I voted Liam, but hey at least I'm not a afraid to go for what I want against majority : ) I think to keep myself safe I'm going to have to continue performing well in immunity challenges, and hope we win the majority of them. I'm going to continue trying to build bonds with people like Zach, Stephen, and Karthik, but we'll have to see when the time comes!

WHEW! This has been a round and a half folks. Some crazy shit happened. So okay opening the results? Crushing. I tried hella hard and so did everyone else on our tribe and we seemed to have been beaten in all these games by a slim margin so that was ASS. The other team took our “abstaining” player away but that’s fine tbh cuz I know Anna Jane wouldn’t give that to just anyone and I’m sure he had a good excuse. I’m kind of glad Isaac got sent to the basement because I always like to stand up for people who have good reasons why they didn’t do well in a challenge? ANYWAY. SO. Shea is talking to me and I’m talking to legit only her and TJ trying to figure out what the best move is. Shea is P U L L I N G for a name from me and I said I guess Luke because I haven’t talked to him (although tbh I haven’t been AS on top of my social game here as I usually am). So SHEA is freaking saying I’m a target because I’m coming for Luke???? Which is FUNNY cuz I literally only said his name to TJ and Shea????? Anyway I talk to Luke and I’m like yo imma be tea with you I got duped, I’m not coming after you at all. Fishy shit. Turns out Shea did the same thing to Fed, Luke, and Stephen. WHAT. So I’m out here strategizing with TJ (I LOVE F2ING WITH A SMART STRATEGIC PLAYER. I’M SO FUCKING EXCITED. I FEEL SO OPEN WITH HIM IN DOING SHIT LIKE????? I trust him 100% I’m ngl. I’m living for the dynamic rn. I usually f2 with people and hide EVERYTHING but I legit feel like I don’t have to with TJ? I don’t KNOW. I’m HYPE). So yeah TJ and I R A N this vote but I don’t think anyone knows it and that we’re working together? I don’t know man I’m fucking EXCITED for this.

ok so i'm currently in an alliance w karth stephen zach, those are also my 3 closest allies at the moment, + i rlly like jess. karth is atm my Ride Or Die i trust him the Most, w stephen in 2nd and zach in 3rd.

i'm sharin idol hunt stuff with both karth + stephen atm, separately.

here's some of my Thots over the last couple days:

AllyYesterday at 13:38 ok so stephen wants an alliance and wants to include karth so now i’m like hmm m i have to make sure that stephen doesn’t figure out that i fed my idol search to him and also i told stephen what happened in the basement so i need to make sure karth doesn’t know i told stephen that sis if they’re closer than i am to both of them i am in so much trouble

AllyYesterday at 22:21 karth thinks i’m doing these long ass streaks cuz i’m combining me and stephens in our doc me: haha i’m so lucky x i WILL get this idol i’m DETERMINED blakkskskksksks tangling myself in lies and it’s only round 2 i rlly hope those two don’t talk too much but based on some interactions i had with both of them i don’t think they do otherwise stephen is gonna come for my wig he doesn’t like lies

So we literally destroyed the other tribe in the challenge lol. I have had time to reflect upon the last tribal and the last round collectively. Timmy's final words were "Play the game for yourself and not for the majority" bro..... its is literally the first ever tribal council on the very first round of the game... like....... cmon. Its funny that Daniel was doing exactly that. Playing individually within a tribal focused game. Merge isnt until wayyy later so maybe try and fit in??Idk thats just my take. It showed that Daniel is gonna do what he wants to do regardless of the situation. On the flip side it shows that Daniel is loyal to a fault with people. Had we lost the last challenge I would have pushed for Daniel and if the next time we lose.... if we lose... I'm gonna try and get folks to vote for Daniel.

Things have gotten super quiet. It’s mildly concerning. I don’t think I’m going home but with how confusing this tribal has been you can never tell. Pretty much every name in the book has been thrown out. Fed is really trying to create a Luke vs Alyssa narrative which would be great if that worked but it really isn’t. They aren’t gunning for each other like he wants and that does suck as I’d be fine voting Luke. In other news, Jake is having a mild mental break. If you’re already freaking out now just go home because god the stress of ORGs gets SO MUCH WORSE. I don’t know what’s gonna happen but whatever happens I know in my heart had Isaac been here he’d be gone. Sucks to suck, maybe we shouldn’t have done that to them last tribal.

I definitely think I could be leaving tonight. It's allegedly between Stephen and Luke but I just don't think that's true.

My god. Im glad I already cast my vote for Shea. Makes all this nonsense drama a bit easier for me.

Shea is voted out 7-1.

[survivorathena-allstars]

Episode #10: “Can You Hear My Eyes Rolling Cause They Are” ~ Owen

I LIVED!!!! Which is good, I'm so glad to be on the side with numbers, that was a good blindside, I'm trying not to feel too bad for Emily since she WROTE MY NAME DOWN. also i wonder who the other vote for me was, i bet it was Cameron so he can play both sides. *EYES* I'm so happy to still be here time to win this challenge! ________________________________________________________________ Also I don't get why Lily is so salty she tried to BLINDSIDE ME

i didn't switch to lily because im mostly a dumbass. also i didn't want her to be bitter but five minutes later that decision turned out to mean nothing. emily voted ruthie with me, i'm not sure who the third vote was??? could they please stand up im tired of living in the dark. i think lily voted for me (also i love getting votes in my last three tribals it's the only thing that makes me feel relevant). anyways what matters is that i'm here, but i don't know how much longer i'll last at this rate. to be fair i was honest with these ppl about who i was voting for so like...but it's also like if i had better connections i would've known but oh well!! new round new me am i right haha :,)

If you think I cried a lot in Themyscira, you should see me now. I'm a pro at this point

LILY'S GONE LILY'S NOT ON JURY CHARLOTTE IS ON JURY I M W I N N I N 

Ok I know I'm not supposed to be here and "the tribe has spoken" but hold up. Did Lildemort really just quit? Sis put all that Coco Montrese-level work in round after round to get me out JUST to quit when the going got tough? And now CHARLOTTE is getting whisked away to fill the jury spot?

I can't even. Yes the evil is defeated and good for Charlotte BUT BITCH. Are... are y'all saying... that this is protocol? So like if anything else goes haywire or someone else quits, IM GOING INTO JURY??? I suddenly don't remember unstanning Athena and my PTSD from these seasons is in check again. Athena jury is my true calling and if this is All-Stars and y'all want the most lit jury.... please please please let me fuck it up. I know I know nothing's official and yes this is Charlotte's moment but like

Ya know you could always do a twistos twist. We don't have to do the same thing twice, someone else quitting and a prejuror coming back. Athena trailblazes and I have been a stellar guinea pig my whole life. Ok so placement! We could be poetic: since I got blindsided 5-2 again, I could be Juror #3 again. OR we could wait a bit and I walk in like 5th or 6th, give my enemies a chance to get there ya know and then I wreak havoc. OR we can be super messy, put me in last, and then everyone will be on the floor deceased. I'm very open minded and down to negotiate. Aaaaalll I'm saying is: if y'all want the drama and the ratings, you know who to call

Whew it's taking a whole lot out of me to put effort into my social game. Like I'm really drained. Like so incredibly drained. Talking to these people really hurts honestly. It really does. And for some reason, I'm the least upset with Will and Cameron. Cameron specifically, I'm fine with quite honestly. He was the only one that had the courage to message me last night and... it just made me feel better. No one else messaged me. Ali did but I think it was because Cameron messaged him telling him to message me. I feel most betrayed by Ali honestly mkdsmfkacsd I'm really trying to decide my next course of action

Emily telling me she's the least mad at me and Cameron after the Lily vote is incredible, seeing as we were two of the people pushing the hardest for her to go. Remember that social game everyone said I didn't have in Azores? Here it is now, because I have Emily, Owen, Zach, and Ruthie all spilling tea and taking the fall for me while the rest of the alliance takes the heat. If anything, my ass is safe for at least one more round because Dana put a huge target on herself - not saying that I would EVER want Dana to go, because I feel like we can protect her if she's the target. There are whispers that Duncan's gonna be the next target for his flip-flopping behavior, and Emily might even want to target Owen next. If we let Emily think she has some power after last night, we could steer her right into getting idoled out which would be evil but also incredible. If Owen/Dana/Ali are her public enemies number 1, 2, and 3 right now then... that's perfect for me. A path is opening up towards the end for me, and I really, really love it. Some people don't learn from their mistakes, but it's 2018 and this year is about growth and personal development - I know why I lost Azores, and now I can see how I can win All Stars. ________________________________________________________________ I'm starting to get worried though because I'm realizing I don't think I can beat Cameron in a F3...and I don't like the thought of having to vote him out and I don't think I could beat him in a F4 tiebreaker either...So the next few tribals need to look like this: F11/F10 boot is Duncan/Owen, F9 boot is Emily, F8-F6 is some combination of Ashvika/Ruthie/Zach, then F5 boot is Cameron and F4 would be unanimously Kevin. Like I said, we can let Emily dictate the F11/F10 targets and I think she'd go for those two first, then we can let her think it's one of us going and play an idol to take her out at F9 (and Cameron/myself wouldn't get the heat). Then we have a clear majority at F8 of our 4 plus really...any of the others who wanna keep going. Then at F6, any idols will have to be played so I just need to make sure I don't become a robbed legend. And then F5 will either be 4-1 or 3-2 and Cameron has to go - and I hate hate HATE that but I'm so worried about me being safe at F4 hinging on winning final immunity. But we'll see I guess. If I'm gonna go to the F3 with my alliance, it needs to be with Ali and Dana - because people think they're erratic and floaters. This is how it's gonna have to be though and I can see a path to the end...but it's not an easy path and people are gonna be Mad with a big fat capital M.

OH HOHO, SO DUNCAN WANTS ME OUT HUH? Well honey, I've got some news for you. One, I have an idol. Two, I have friends in high places. And three? You are not so powerful. I am loved and I am winning this game, and taking the days played record right from your hands. I love you, but you are not taking me down today. 

Whew I've been a roller coaster of emotions for the past twenty four hours and I've finally calmed down and I feel a lot more woke now. Here are some comments on everyone still in the game. ALI: Ali is a hard one because both Duncan and I feel very betrayed by him. Ali didn't fill Duncan in on the Lily vote, it was someone else that told Duncan. And I thought Duncan and Ali were like spearheading the Duncan vote. And I also told Owen about Ali's idol, but I'll get to that part. I don't think I trust Ali anymore unless he can prove to me otherwise. I've been having a very difficult time talking to him because I do feel incredibly betrayed. What I don't understand is why he thought that I had an idol or Lily had an idol? I didn't. I think he knew that. I told him so many times I just wanted to be informed of what was happening, and I thought a good, trustworthy ally of mine would tell me the truth. But he didn't. Not until 10:00. Which I think is very cowardly. I'm playing with a flock of cowards. ASHVIKA: Honestly I'm really pissed she's in such an... untouchable position? In my eyes, she's been super inactive? Maybe that's wrong, but I've not talked to her much at all. I believe she's in an untouchable position because of her allies. She's got Will, Dana, Zach, Duncan... like people on all sides? And that makes me mad? She's going to make it far and it makes me upset. DANA: Queen of unknowingly telling me that Lily was going last night <3 LOL Dana didn't know that I didn't know Lily was leaving and was straight up with me so that's real cute. I know she's close with Zach and has talked about wanting to work with Zach and I but I don't even know where Zach and I stand... I'll comment on that later in Zach's portion of this confession. I also feel like Dana is in a good position and it's >:( PUT ME IN UR POSITIONS U FUCKS DUNCAN: Duncan I thought was a lot more in on the vote than he actually was, which makes me feel bad about exposing his idol to Owen, but I was just SO MAD!!! I think Duncan is feeling the same way about Ali as I am. He's really hurt that Ali would like... go behind the backs of his close allies like this? And, honestly? It's not smart either? We are the only ones (to my knowledge) that know about Ali's idol? Like? Why would Ali do something like this lmao it's just stupid quite honestly. I'm going to have to figure out what to do moving forward but... I trust Duncan and Ali a whole lot. KEVIN: Tbh king of voting in the minority. I really don't have many feelings on Kevin but I honestly feel bad and I'm really confused why he was left out of the vote last round??? Like omg??? Poor Kevin I feel bad. King of being my secret santa. Cameron: After all of this has happened, I trust Cameron the most. I feel like he is being the most genuine with me and the most sincere about wanting to work with me. I think he's going to be someone I want to work with long term. I'm trying to be as adaptable as possible. And I think Cameron will help me out? Maybe? I just don't want to die this round holy fuck. I trust Cameron a good amount and I'm willing to do whatever he wants me to do this round to keep myself alive. And if this is my last round, it's my last round. I still have lots of friends in the game that'd I'd be happy winning. I'm just really concerned idk OUP AND I'VE JUST BEEN INFORMED BY DUNCAN WHO WAS INFORMED BY ALI THAT Cameron TOLD ALI HE HAS AN IDOL!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK OWEN: Okay. Owen's,,,,, been found the heck out. HE HAS BEEN FOUND THE HECK OUT. Like, y'all. Owen is playing me so hard. And I HAVE BEEN AWARE OF IT TOO. I'VE SEEN IT HAPPENING. AND I'M LIKE. OH THAT'S SKETCHY. HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ABOUT IT? NO! Owen told me he was campaigning hard for Kevin to go and from what I was told by Cameron, Owen was actually campaigning for Lily to go, but saying he didn't want to actually vote for Lily because he wanted to stay in my good graces! And he did the same thing with the Madison vote but voting for Jack and not picking a fucking side! Oh god. I felt so alone last night and when Owen called me, I just let it out. I exposed some tea I probably shouldn't have. But I think I know how I can deal with it? I don't know. I think Duncan is a very likely target this round. If he doesn't use his hideout, he needs to use his idol. Like. He's very likely to go home. And we can idol out a big person if we use it. Whether it's Will, Dana, Ashvika, or Ali I don't care. I want one of them gone. And I think we can do it. I think we need to keep Owen out of that plan though? I don't know what's going to go on. I want Owen gone but I know Duncan doesn't so like... this is going to be a big mess lol RUTHIE: God who the fuck knows honestly. I don't. WILL: I like Will but he's got his own little... posse. And they scare me. Him, Cameron, Ashvika, Dana, Zach, and Ali. And probably Owen, honestly. They fucking......... I won't let them run this game no sir-ee! I don't know how to fix it but fksdfjasd. Also I thought he had an idol but no, Cameron has that. So. Anyways I don't have much to say about Will. I'm fine with him. Don't want him to vote me out. ZACH: I love Zach so so so much and he's a great person but like I have no clue where we stand in the game anymore. Actually i just messaged him a long thing and I think we're all okay. Also I'm gonna submit his and all of my Zach talk is just gonna be the same uWu I love zach so much stuff so like I'm just gonna send it y'all know I love zach already no need to say it again bye

I AM SO PROUD OF WILL!! Now to figure out what to do.  I really don't want Emily to go and it's simply because she's just too gosh darn likable.  I'm going to try to figure something out with Cameron and Will though and right now they are my saviors, I'll do whatever they want to do but I also really don't want Owen or Zach to leave either. 

Honestly I don't know what to think. I feel bad because I partially betrayed Emily by knowing Lily was leaving but lying, or failing to tell! Wooh love omission! But I think i've talked with her and i'm sure it's not super fixed but it's a little better. I now have an alliance with Duncan and Ashvika, then my pal Dana. How loyal am I? Well... not a lot. I don't want them to release this information and then by default, i'm the one being voted out because of "betrayal" or whatnot. But i'm not sure who i'd love to see. I guess my ideal people are Kevin, and a little Ruthie/Ali. I like everyone genuinely and i'm upset by Lily's reaction and just overall execution, but I feel like it was a fine move and despite it not being mine, I think Cameron came off as very aggressive and negative and that's going to bite him in the ass I think. But I made jury so HALLELUJAH!! 3/3 in Jury! And also - it's day 100 for me!! AHH!!!

In reference to last round? "That vote was messy so I’m going to follow suit. It’s open season on everyone’s asses and I’m pissed off and ready to shoot" Thats how i felt after i read what happened and everyone almost omitted me from the vote. According to Will i was left out because i mentioned to emily earlier on in the day that people were throwing lily's name out there. Also i told people i wanted to do lily next round, so people thought i was not going to budge on it and did not bother telling me the vote. What disappointed me though was Ali not coming through and telling me. He really let me down and because of that he's pushed me away. I told him we're fine and that im not mad any more. I mean its true, I'm not mad anymore, IM PISSED!!! So if he can't trust me i can't trust him. I made a finals deal with Ashvika tonight, and told her about ali's idol and Cameron's idol. If loose lips are gonna sink ships i don't want to be aboard the ship, i want to be behind the canon gunning it down. Who says there aren't any pirates on survivor? lol But anyways ashvika and i also made a foursome alliance with zach and dana since we feel like they're a tight duo who are dependable. I really so like the group as people and they're people i've never played with before which makes it even more exciting! Do i want to go to the end with them? Absolutely not! but its a cute group to get through the next couple rounds. I do intend on going to the end with ashvika though. the only person thats been 100 with me the whole game. I do believe she's with me but i need to make sure my other bonds are strong because im not giving anyone the power to obliterate my game. i've learned and I'm finished making mistakes 

I always align with men and I hate myself

________________________________________________________________ This FINALLY uploaded. It's from the morning after we merged.

Hi moms I don't know how i'm voting tonight, which tbh, shouldn't be a shocker to yall. I'm a mess, but I haven't heard my name. Tbh send me on vacation to visit my girl Charlotte. But ideally i'd like to be 4th-5th juror because then i'll be more informed about the game so like let me meme around a little bit longer. Also this is my mood for today On 1/11/18, at 12:16 PM, Dana Barry wrote: > the girl im talking to: what are you up to today? > me: not being stressed out by tribal council in an org

This is really just my mood (see below) for this round because it's so clear Emily's trying to scramble by not really scrambling and if one of my alliance gets idoled out tonight i'm setting fire to the rain. Sorry that the game isn't going your way queen! I'm the Sarah Lacina and Brad Culpepper to your Sandra, Aubry, and Cirie and this is Game Changers xoxo Emily, 2:21 PM im not used to not knowing whats going on in a game afjsfkjasdklfas

Okay so I made a video confession and I’ll upload soon but... I’m excited about my new position in the game. I’m bouncing back, I think? I’ve been able to reestablish my relationships with Cameron, Will, Zach, and Ali and I am working on building on with Dana. I’m trying to get on the good side of Cameron & Co.™️ And I think it’s going well? Ali is talking to me and is very uneasy about Duncan. Rightfully so because Duncan is mad at Ali. I also am playing off the exposing-Ali-and-Duncan’s-idols-to-Owen thing off like Duncan was the one that could possibly leak it to Owen, since they’re close. And I think Ali believes it. Unless he already knows I told Owen and like? Idk. But Ali has also told me that he feels weird about Duncan because I am the one that he screwed over, and yet Duncan is the one upset. I’m not upset anymore and I’m moving on. Duncan is not happy. I am just sitting back, spreading subtle information, and getting people to target each other while I cuddle with my cats from afar. I’ve told Will and Cameron both that I am just here to take orders at this point. I don’t want to get in the way of anything. And I have opinions, I just want let them out until someone says them for me first. I’m trying to be agreeable, valuable, and calm this round. OTT Emily is no more. CP Emily is back, okay? She’s here to stay!!! I’m calm. I’m cool. I’m collected. I can do this.

I told people what I'm thinking today, which means pasta la vista 2 me. Idk i'm not even trying to lie to people but honestly i'm one of those people who is like so manipulative that sometimes I lie to myself and then get confused about what the truth is so wiggy. Does that happen to other people? I'm getting more crackedt by the minute. Who knows how i'm voting. I just want to vote Emily because she's being a problem and messy quen who sent my pms to everyone in the game to exploit me 4 being dumb and gullible. A funky strategy, like exploit me all u want but u probably arent winnin. Also weirdly Duncan thinks votes tonight are going to be on Emily anyway, so like now I can maybe make that happen. I'm a sneaky weasel with the power of a 50% functional brain behind me, aka a WINNER. Earlier today tho I was voting out Duncan though so blegh and also nobody wants to talk to me, which is good leave me alone. I just dont feel like getting voted out yet, sort of, and the other part of me is like bye world i could use some time in solitary confinement. Is that a mood for everyone or just me? I just sent the tribe chat a picture of Owen as a goat idk i like to laugh. This is a rant and she doesn't make sense can someone get jesus to talk to me because she is ignoring my pms too. Also I just signed out of skype so I can calm down and give myself a break from being as upsetting. Ok i'm going to stop writing now gn. 

https://youtu.be/5PdXIHGvMpk me talking 2 ppl pretending it's cool they left me in the dark anyways i love getting votes 3 tribals in a row. and APPARENTLY according to Cameron i might be receiving votes tonight. exciting! if you're gonna vote for me do it right and take me out you cowards all you're doing is making my skin break out. the alternate options are all from atalaia: ruthie and emily!!! whew!!

https://tmblrsurvivorextra.tumblr.com/post/169591129951

“Okay I did eenie meenie minie moe and it landed on ruthie so that’s how I’ll be voting” 

I made myself laugh with that one. If they ain’t going to make a decision, you decide for them

I truly am channeling my inner Eliza Orlins by being targeted so often. Whew! So turns out Cameron's a snake because Duncan gave me the receipts (well not any receipts actually but I'm trusting his word). APPARENTLY Cameron only told me Emily as a fake target because he was intending to vote for me. Snakes are gonna snake snake snake snake snake. Duncan and others are telling me Ruthie. Im supposed to believe that the tide is turning towards Ruthie but people here have a habit of spewing lies. Duncan just told me to act clueless and stuff or whatever if people approach me about the vote. I don't need to try to act clueless, because I don't know shit!

You would think that, being immune, I would feel safe, comfortable, happy. No I feel none of the above and I want to scream. I love Cameron but for some reason he won't take a breath and do the easy vote like dude...It doesn't need to be another big blindside or another big move. I'm worried that he's getting a little too confident and feels like he's the one in charge of the alliance, which is not cute at all. I don't want to be mad at him but I'm definitely frustrated, annoyed. My patience? She's being tested. I feel like I need to take a backseat on this one and just let whatever happens happen, because I'm in a good enough place with people that I can pick up the pieces if something horrible happens tonight. Cameron's hardcore overplaying and it's not a good look for him or our alliance if things start to get messy though.

I’m putting a lot of blind trust into Cameron but he’s the only one lending me enough rope to hold on to. I’m so nervous but I’m trying to stay sane this vote. I was expecting my name to come up tonight, but I wasn’t expecting it to come from Duncan, which is who I’ve been told brought my name up. I’m not playing a winner’s game right now. I’m so nervous and I don’t know how to fix it.

I love Owen sending me this big paragraph at merge, then telling Duncan I should go from the start of merge and saying how easily playable I am. I love Duncan who I trusted and told _everything_ targetting me for truly no reason, when I actually did attempt to clue him in on the vote. He just wasn't online. He is channelling his bitterness at not being in the loop at me, which is totally unfair. I love Emily who I thought I could trust telling everything about my idol to Owen. I went to her so many times trying to stress how much I valued her. I was the first person to clue her into the vote, I'm just sad. Obviously its just on a game level and I'll find it in my hort to forgive them, but Im so betrayed. So betrayed

I mean like is it really that bad to want to make a vote go 3-3-3-2? Is that really that ugly?

HECK OFF DUNCAN LITERALLY. I JUST WANT HIM TO CHOKE. it looks like we might vote Kevin? maybe? or split the vote? idk? this is? awful? help? please?

Why are Duncan and Owen blowing spoke at me with the efficiency of a chimney? I know Owen wants me to spill info to him and Duncan wants me out so what's up sjsjdkdkd God its so refreshing knowing that everyone is trying to play me hard

Will won immunity, I knew I wasnt gonna have the time to win this one so that's okay it does make me a bit worried but I dont think that like...it was necessarily beneficial to win it again so soon.

The main thing I'm grapplin with is that information spreads like fire! Emily tells me Ali and Duncan have idols, and that Duncan has a power that can remove him from the game for a round too. Huge yikes. So instantly that's on my mind. I knew Cameron knows about Ali's. I feel like maybe I've typed this before... But either way today I got on call with Will and basically gave him all of this information. And I've been forming a plan to get Duncan to dump an idol, if I tell him that I've been hearing his name! But Will suggested we just leak that Duncan might go to Ashvika.... Which gets messy for me bc if Duncan hears from Ashvika and not me, he won't trust me anymore. but then like...if I tell him I'm hearing his name and then.....nobody votes for him? he'll know why. BUT THEN ALSO LOL Cameron MESSAGES WILL ABOUT DUNCAN'S IDOL AND SUGGESTS DOING SOMETHING TO GET RID OF IT WHILE I'M STILL ON CALL WITH WILL. God this stresses me OUT. If Duncan doesn't waste his idol though it isn't the end of the world, because I do have a possibility of working with him. I just don't want him to idol Kevin. Speaking of, as soon as this round started I knew I wanted Kevin out. That breaks a connection that Duncan and potentially Cameron have, and gives me another round to get closer with Ali, Ruthie, Emily maybe. The call of four seemed good with Kevin, so does Emily, and I told Ruthie about it. Duncan is once again targeting Ruthie instead of Kevin so that's another thing to deal with. GOD. So rn it'll prob be like 8-3 or 4-7 or something but idk..... I want to believe Dana/Will/Cameron won't turn on me, but I can't tell myself I won't turn on them eventually idk. I have been talking to Ali and I think maybe I can sit at the end with him and Ruthie that would be SO GOOD lol. Or with Duncan maybe at the end. But Will, Dana, and Cameron are big risks. I just don't want to fuck them over....ugh. They're prob gonna wanna take me out. This is me 24/7. But I still love all of them rn too. Wow this game is F U N. Idk what I'm gonna do in general or tonight or with Duncan but I'm sure it'll be fun at some point.

I'm so confused by Duncan. I called him at the swap and told him EVERYTHING. I poured my heart and soul out to him. I said I trusted him all the way and I meant it. Now when he doesn't get clued in on a vote (which is his fault for not messaging me back) he is throwing the baby out with the bath water and just wants me out? Like he said this big thing about how it "hurt him when his number one left him out" which I didn't do, but that's so hypocritical when he now wants me out. I'm trying to not be too like too bitter because I love Duncan but come on.

Why aren’t there manipulatable straight boys in this game. This is unfair. Who am I supposed to flirt with and get them to take me to the end???? What the fuck

can u hear my eyes rolling cause they are

aliI'm about to be idoled out may I rest in peace

[1/11/18, 9:35:17 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): if I tell u to change the vote last minute do you PROMISE not to tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:35:24 PM] Emily: yes [1/11/18, 9:35:33 PM] Emily: give me enough time to make my parchment [1/11/18, 9:35:43 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): How much time is that? 5? ten? [1/11/18, 9:35:46 PM] Emily: please don’t have me throw my vote tho [1/11/18, 9:35:49 PM] Emily: ten? [1/11/18, 9:35:53 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): Ok cool [1/11/18, 9:35:58 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): i won’t have you throw your vote I just [1/11/18, 9:36:05 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I don’t want someone to find out [1/11/18, 9:36:06 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:36:11 PM] Emily: I won’t my lips are sealed [1/11/18, 9:36:20 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): this is me sneakily trying to keep u in the loop [1/11/18, 9:38:25 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): Some ppl just don’t trust you and I want u to know I trust you but idk if its changing yet [1/11/18, 9:38:42 PM] Emily: will this show them im trustworthy? [1/11/18, 9:38:46 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): i think so [1/11/18, 9:38:50 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:39:07 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I love you just pls dont tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:39:15 PM] Emily: im not telling anyone [1/11/18, 9:47:21 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You PROMISE you vote how I say [1/11/18, 9:47:27 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): and you don’t tell ANYONE [1/11/18, 9:47:31 PM] Emily: yes [1/11/18, 9:47:42 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): my allies don’t want me to tell u bc they think you’ll tell owen so its imperitive you don’t okay [1/11/18, 9:47:50 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): im putting my life on the line with you [1/11/18, 9:47:51 PM] Emily: okay [1/11/18, 9:47:56 PM] Emily: i won’t Cameron [1/11/18, 9:48:13 PM] Emily: am i voting owen? [1/11/18, 9:48:29 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): no [1/11/18, 9:48:30 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You’re not [1/11/18, 9:48:45 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): You’re voting for duncan unless you want to keep it on Kevin in case duncan plays his idol [1/11/18, 9:48:47 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): its up to you [1/11/18, 9:49:23 PM] Emily: okay ill vote duncan [1/11/18, 9:49:42 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): okay just PLEASE don’t tell anyone I told you to vote duncan [1/11/18, 9:49:47 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): IM BEGGING [1/11/18, 9:49:51 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): IT WILL GET ME MRUDERED HBEFJNDMS [1/11/18, 9:50:25 PM] Emily: i voted [1/11/18, 9:50:38 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): pls dont fuck me over emiyl [1/11/18, 9:50:45 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): This is me proving that I trust you and I want to work with you [1/11/18, 9:50:56 PM] Emily: am i supposed to pretend i dont know after the vote is over? [1/11/18, 9:52:27 PM] Emily: thank you so much for clueing me in Cameron i really appreciate it [1/11/18, 9:52:49 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): I love you [1/11/18, 9:52:59 PM] Emily: i love you too [1/11/18, 9:53:40 PM] Cameron Bee-Culpepper (Atomic Series Admin): And yes pls pretend This is my reasoning for voting for Duncan. I'm doing what it's taking to keep me in the game. I'm putting my trust in Cameron and I'm not sure if I'm making the smartest decision or not, but I'm doing it.

This was way too chaotic and shows that our four is way less stable than I thought we were. Like this could have been so easy but no everyone had to fREAK THE FUCK OUT like I'm so sorry and I'm so gonna regret saying this in a confessional but I legitimately don't care if Cameron Ali Dana whoever think they're the target of an idol. It does not matter who the target is. We needed to put a vote on Kevin if we were gonna bring Zach in but there was too much fucking chaos in our mess of a 4 person alliance to understand that. Nobody listens to me and it's clear now, especially Cameron. He thinks he's running this game but he's running himself into the ground. I'm sorry but it's just too much.

If Duncan stands with an idol i'm self-evicting into the sun. 

Duncan becomes the 10th person voted out of Athena All Stars, and the 2nd member of our jury. You can see Duncan’s preseason interview here.

[survivedeathvalley]

MATTIE’S JURY QUESTIONS

IDK what the fuck is going on so… Giruga please redo your jury statement with at least 40% less ‘bros’ Wash come up with as many puns of your name as possible. Peace out bitches!

Wash’s answer:

-brain wash the jury to vote for me

-gonna wash this vote

- Wash this space, i'm about to win

- You better wash yourself, dont vote for me and I'll come for you

- Wash up with you?

- if we have any drama, we need to wash (squash) it

- need a jacket? What about a mackinwash

- I would never cower away from a big move and wash flee from the scene. I was unafraid

- Whats my wash key to success? Thats a secret

- Please vote for me. I'd be full of wash glee

- Award me the million dollar prize! We can go on a shopping wash b

- I was never afraid to call people out. I'd always spill the wash tea

- this game was a constant race. A constant grand wash prix

Giruga’s answer: "I want to thank everyone involved with this season. It’s been really fun to play make-believe with everyone and distract myself for over a month now. I’ve loved every minute of this game and have taken it as seriously as I can…. hence never really breaking character until answering these jury questions.This game started for me at the application process. I had to think up a new identity, something that I could easily play, but also something that could mask myself from other players and throw them completely off my trail to who I really was. I probably put the most amount of thought into creating Giruga Mesh… more so than probably a good chunk of the cast. I decided to go in the direction of a big dumb dude bro. It was something that yes, would get on people’s nerves, but at the same time I would be overlooked later on down the road. I chose the name Giruga Mesh because it’s actually the name of a Japanese band… which also happens to be a meme as well, Girugamesh. It was all, in my mind, basically a big trollolo running joke for me that no one really picked up on… besides Tanner I think.I came into the game knowing a few things that I was going to do. Lie if I ever needed to, because from the get go we were all lying about who we really were. Vote out Allies if needed, I knew I wasn’t going to be bogged down by allies and if they didn’t do what I wanted then I didn’t really need them. Be social and annoying, this was a given and also for playing the long game. I knew if I wanted to stick around early on in the game I needed to be social. I also knew that yes it was dangerous to play the annoying bro angle, but if I some how managed to make it to merge then people were going to overlook me because I was annoying as hell in the early stages of the game. I was just a dumb dude bro and of course people could take me out later on down the road.I instantly aligned myself with Dianna and William, the two most social players on Titus. Dianna, by the way she spoke, I knew if she made merge she would be targeted because she was so damn likable. Which was good for me because I could hide behind that. William was pretty crazy and I knew if something happened against him then I could hide behind William as well as he went off on people. It came as no surprise to me that each of these players wanted a final two with me. I of course said yes and thought I would be okay if we ever went to tribal.Then the tribe swap happened and my first thoughts were I was going to be okay because Dianna or William will pick me. Neither of them picked me and it left a bad taste in my mouth… So I had to make new relationships and it just so happened that I had been hamming it up with Misty, when we were all waiting at one world for the tribes to swap. I had been told that Titus wanted the majority on one tribe so they could purposely lose challenges and vote out the other tribes. I figured that was just a pipe dream…. and sure enough I was basically forced to start my social connections from scratch.I instantly connected with Gabby and Misty, two of the most social players on New Zabriskie. Alex talk to me too and I did like him, but no one else on the Lawful side bothered to approach me. I wanted Alex to stick around because I liked him, but I decided it was best for my game if I went along with the Neutrals for the first round. There was tension I could sense a little bit from the Neutrals, that I wasn’t sensing from the Lawful players. So while this was happening Dianna approached me and asked if she needed her tribe to throw the immunity challenge. Of course I said yes, but shortly after I’m told the old Titus members don’t feel like throwing it. I was pissed as hell, your side has the damn numbers why not throw it? Why was this option offered to me if in the end it wasn’t going to happen? It felt like I was just an after thought to old Titus. If I got voted out it would just be collateral damage. Oops we knew you might be in danger, but oh well not our problem. This only solidified my game plan, flip, lie, no allies.Adelaide made an off hand comment about the scores in the immunity challenge and I took full advantage of that. I put the target on Adelaide and she was gone. After that Gabby wanted to flip and I took advantage of that too. I set my sights on a social and physical threat and pulled the trigger. The merge came and I knew I was in a little bit of hot water with Alex. I was pulled into an alliance with Bianca, Misty, Dianna, and William. To try and show Alex I wanted to work with him I told him this alliance was voting Kai and I told him exactly who was in this alliance. What I didn’t expect was Alex to go directly to Dianna and rat me out to her. Luckily for me I was able to play it off as I was stupid and trying to get numbers down the line. I don’t think Dianna bought it, but I knew after this week I was going to have to cool my heels for a few rounds. Because the target on my back was huge. Luckily for me what I told Alex worked in our favor and it cause confusion on the other side. Names were being thrown around and no one even saw the torpedo aimed directly at RMS Jenny.From there I cut communication with Alex and tried to stand back for a few rounds. I was clearly a big target when everyone targeted the last tribal council. However that target shrunk a little when Touchy Subjects rolled around. I was lucky enough to not get any of the good categories and kind of blend in with the background. A plan was formed to flush Wash’s idol and get Kai voted out… However, I’m not 100% sure how it happened, but after talking to Wash a new plan was formed to take out Tanner. Misty and Bianca were in on this plan, but when I expressed concern as to why we were targeting Tanner I was basically told to shut up and do as I was told or risk screwing things up. I didn’t like being told what to do and it was clear to me that Misty and Bianca were setting in motion a plan to break up Titus, but I couldn’t do much about it. So instead I voted Alex out of defiance because I was not going to be told to shut up and vote a way if no one was explaining how voting Tanner benefitted me.Next up was the cut the rope challenge and I was out of that one early… which to me said I was still a pretty big target… I knew my time with Titus was ticking away and I was hoping that if an attack on us was coming I wasn’t going to take the hit. Surprisingly everyone made a smart move and voted out Dianna… but I was left out of the loop on that one, so I tried my best to just sit back and see what would happen now. To my surprise William quit and it created the perfect opportunity for me. I was now a guy in the center of two sides. I was a wild card and I could freely flip around without a third party to worry about.I was approached by Alex, surprisingly, to go against Misty. At the same time I had Misty coming to me wanting to know what I wanted to do. I took advantage of this position to plot my next moves carefully. It became very clear to me that Misty was the more dangerous party… what again surprised me was how Wash also wanted to work with me, and that created even more options for me.After a long talk with Wash I learned of Misty’s boot list and how after Kai I was the next one to go. Lucky for me Kai and Alex already wanted to vote Misty, so I told Wash there was a big possibility of rocks so she should play her idol. Wash took my advice and when the votes tied she listened to me and voted Misty at the revote.From there it was a matter of forming an anti Kai and Alex alliance with the remaining players. From there I bounced back and forth until only myself and Wash now remain. I cam into this game with a plan of attack and I feel like I’ve succeeded. I might make it sound easy, but towards the end I had to win challenges if I wanted to keep myself safe to say to all of you how much effort and work I’ve put into this game. I would hope that now I have convinced you that everything I’ve done had a purpose and that I should gain your vote to win.”