#also idk if other ppl are still comfortable discussing the show bc it's just not on my dash at all and idw to make others uncomfortable

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I’m going to send emails out soon to finally try to find a willing rabbi to guide me in the conversion process. I’ve said I wanted to convert in December but was thinking about it even before then (that’s just when I told people). But I’m worried about not being Jewish enough. Like I want to convert ‘orthodox’ Sephardic, which ik is kind of redundant bc most sephardic ppl just say sephardic and aren’t rlly divided into orthodox, conservative, reform either due to historical reason, but like what if I turn out being not so orthodox after? Like I love the idea of being observant, but I know that I’m not someone to wear modest dress 24/7 (rn I only wear shorts like a handful of times of year but I’ll also wear leggings, and tights pants or v neck shirts that show cleavage). And I’m not a virgin and don’t really want to be celibate. Idk I just feel like if I go through the process of converting and being observant, I will be expectant to be fully observant and idk if that’s an expectation I can’t hold. Are there any other ppl that converted only to become ‘less’ observant after? And idk observance is a personal things, but many ppl will still look at you as less observant if you don’t follow every interpretation they do

I want to preface this by saying I hope you are able to find a rabbi who you feel safe to discuss this with. Oftentimes, you'll find that they themselves can empathize with you, even if they themselves are born jews. Jewish identity for all is complex. I also hope that, in answering this further, you might find comfort and know that you are worthy of converting.

I am in a mixed Ashki and Sephardi conservative shul, and my sponsoring rabbi is himself not conservative (I'm in a unique position). When he and when other rabbis ask about observance goals, I have noticed it is so they can anticipate how they can best help you. I myself want to be a 'typical' conservative jewish man, so I find some level of empathy with you! It's hard! And you're in what can feel like a raw and vulnerable space, one where judaism feels just out of reach, something you want or need. Trust me when I say I absolutely get it.

I felt the exact same as you before I joined my shul and later again when I found my rabbi. I worried about the fact that I didn't know how to daven, when to bow, the fact that the siddur is transliterated differently than what we say. It was overwhelming! But then... my community privileged me and truly put such an astounding effort in supporting my journey. It is by no means over, but they treat me the same as any other jew in the congregation. I'd feel weird if I pulled by phone out during shabbos because they hold me in the same light as them. All of this is to say that it is just as likely that you will find a community with whom you feel embraces you through this entire wonderful journey. It is entirely possible to marry your goals with judaism - it has been done before. How could a culture, a religion, a people have survived millenniums without someone like you having made a similar journey and made it as a jew? There will always be people like you, like me, who have made this journey and made it work for them, with others who loved them as a comrade, lover, friend, and confidant.

And when it comes to a varying of practice once you are jewish? It is only natural if that happens. A conversion is not an ever-lasting contract to stay stagnant in your practice - it is, essentially, formalizing that you are part of this people. I have been following plenty of jews who have converted and who have both become more observant and less observant. In fact, a ruling about this which has truly comforted me is from Ben-Zion Meir Hai Uziel, a Sephardi chief rabbi who made a ruling about this:

You are human, and there are 613 mitzvot. Hardly any of us consistently follow them all - especially when many require the temple! We can only expect you to do your best, to live jewishly under your terms and readiness! It takes some of us years to work up to certain observances, and that is regardless of jewish status. It would be unfair to expect you to take on more than you are ready for, regardless of if you have immersed yet or not. Heck, I only feel comfortable observing a select amount of mitzvot because I want to understand all of them before doing them. I want my soul to yearn for an aspect of observance, because my personal goal is to fall hopelessly and madly in love with jewish life, judaism, and this wonderful people. I want to emphasize that we all come at judaism with a unique, interesting, and worthy background. Yours is no exception.

I hope that, maybe, you got something out of this rambling. You are worth it to convert if you have decided this is your desire, want, or need. I for one welcome you here, and hope that our paths continue to cross. Please don't hesitate to talk anytime - judaism is a communal practice. It is not something you can wholly do alone.

[thehellsaint]

Hi it’s -❤️ again

also known as -flower anon lol! (Me and flower are same same but different)

https://www.tumblr.com/justanothersyscourse/758260354341076992/oh-hi-its-flower-anon-i-mostly-was-sending-the?source=share

that’s me! Well us, anyway.

that was the worst response in the history of responses, my YouTube reporter senses are tingling so bad that I wrote a 2,000+ word reply that I am going to send in.

when you said they had onsion like tendencies I actually understand what you mean, but I’d say more of a dream or Mr beast like response.

very Mr beasty.

basically they said “you poor little cult survivor :( you know nothing and are overreacting to all the endo’s you poor baby”

I’m used to the deflections and strawmans but my god are they just the weirdest fucking strawmans!

Just, it’s such a weird obscurifcation of like information?

like yeah I wanted to be like comforted that “oh all the endo’s aren’t engaged in a cult like mentality” then presented their own biases as their own proof.

weird if you ask me, maybe it’s because I come hailing from YouTube and immigrated over to tumblr because it was becoming a shit show over there. But you can’t just ignore the social aspects of these communities and conversations.

life is a holistic approach, and well I like to hear about all parts of a discussion!

peer review is not just about scientists agreeing with each other, that’s stupid, peer review is the review of all people involved.

you can’t just say “oh black ppl are inferior bc different skull structure” and then get away with it, why? Because it hasn’t been peer reviewed by black people obviously, and also that is so wrong.

(Sorry for bringing up this example but it’s still a surprisingly common thing in scientific circles to be straight up racist. Peer review involves all parties involved smh the worst parts of science are where they just go do their own thing and don’t listen to the people they are studying.)

so for me, hailing from YouTube, we take a very holistic approach and view to discourse. We don’t just say “well this guy says we are all wrong” we go “well why the hell is this guy saying we are all wrong? It’s really sus they are saying that!”

and we think and we dissect! And usually we are right to call out the bullshit!

YouTube is very multifaceted when it comes to discourse you can’t just half ass it, people will literally take their time out of their day and correct you.

so idk, I actually hated that response. It was surprising awful and disgenuine, and pretty fucking insulting!

wow, just.

I’m going to send in my response that’s pretty cut throat as again, I hail from YouTube that sorta shit does not fly over there.

tumblr has a different style of addressing things but that’s not mine, I wish I was better at video editing because OOOO boy. 💯💯💯

thank you for being so supportive of us, sysmedsaresexist and justanothersyscourse do a very bad job of explaining the social and cultural impacts of these different communities and that is a horrible omission.

you make wonderful discussion and you deserve praise for it!

love you 🥰

-❤️

Yeah that sucked to read, their post is packed with all of the same patronizing language that put me off of them in the first place. Not to mention the pseudo-intellectualism and misrepresenting the scale, credibility, and scope of "doctors researching endos"

It's exhausting to watch every (pro)endo spread misinformation, harass disabled people, and literally groom people just to be told that being against that is basically the same thing.

Disabled people will never know peace unfortunately, even in spaces made exclusively by and for us. I'm glad my blog can be a place of discussion for us and other systems who need it.

[lettucedloophole]

cw vague discussion of sexual stuff and Tmi stuff about transition (Transgener) and also just me journalling my feelings

this is gonna sound Crazy but i think porn (and cishet boys making porn noises. do not miss when that was peak humour) made me dysphoric about the way i moan 😭

i get a little distressed worrying about if my reasons for transition are disproportionately sexual or overly related to misogyny, but it would make sense that they would be sexual because Thats the site of Misogyny, and ultimately i do think misogyny caused some of my dysphoria, if not most of it, though i can't say all because i think in a genderless society it would be quite natural to alter your body-- going on hormones or getting surgery would be like getting a piercing or tattoo, but hopefully without the prior distress of the Imposition of Gender and yknow. Patriarchal Discrimination.

i'm pretty certain i would be happy living with the effects of hormones day to day (except balding. will go Livid if that happens tho i mean... i like shaving my head a lot and odd haircuts so it probs wouldnt be a big deal but i want the option of growing it out to remain) but im not sure if i can say the same about bottom surgery. it seems like other trans ppl are so sure 😭 and i mean it's not like it'd be feasible for me to get it for a long time anyway but i might as well think about it in the mean time... i'm kind of ambivalent abt my vagina. but i wonder if i could be happier with something else? but i don't want to Not have a vagina in Case though (i dont think i can do anal. not willing to prep that much 💀)

so i always thought if i would get bottom surgery i'd go for a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty but i saw a pretty good meta result some days ago that's making me reconsider. and then it makes me think like, what do i want a dick for? it seems kind of.. troublesome to have an organ between ur legs. i think i'm focused a lot on ejaculation (oh yeah this post is def getting a cw) but that's not something i can do with a vaginal-preserving phalloplasty, i think. and then there's the question of clit burial and i naturally lean towards not burying it but i think i would prefer to bury it if i was sure .. and idk the complication rate cos if i lose sensation (i'm fine with doing a forearm graft) i would Lose my Mcfucking mind. i think maybe. and it's scary since there's a lot of surgeons out there who just seem to want to hurt trans people. but i'm fat anyway so i would probably not even be accepted for surgery lol 😭

so it's probably never even going to be possible for me. i take comfort in the idea that i can pack and bind and sort of. try b4 u buy. yk 🫡👍 tho im not getting top surg bc i dont wanna and i feel like i have some body acceptance to do in regards to my boobs. im rly ,, ashamed of them bc i have lots of acne scars and other scabs (caused by me. picking at my skin. either scrapes or acne lmao) and i think i would be happy with them and a lot more of my body if i could stop picking at shit and have those scars clear up. its acc so isolating to have this issue so shoutout to the one lady i followed on twt who posted a proud boob pic with some boob scars or acne (or as i call it boob-ne. like back-ne but it doesn't rhyme but it sounds funny) or smth. that made me feel less alone and not ugly 🙏

i have a lot of scars on my shoulders (Prime skin picking real estate) and the center of my chest but i still wear clothes that. show those areas sometimes and i wonder if ppl think im brave. bc i'm not i just try not to think about it after the clothes are on and i'm outside of my room Doin Stuff . same with the cutting scars on my arm but mostly my thighs. no one has ever really brought up my picking or self harm scars save for the first time my dad saw my self harm scars (that was a doozy) and this one time my dad's friend looked at my facial acne and gave me a recommendation for some product (i know she meant well but. girl 🙃) and i am so fucking thankful for ppls silence. like please just let me exist

i saw one of my childhood friends recently and Embarassingly enough i had a Mental Illness moment in front of her and i kind of wanted to, to shatter the illusion that i was the same as i was as a child because i feel so different that it feels like a lie, and i feel like i need to show the real me to people so they can decide to hate me if they want to. but i also kind of didn't want to but it would be difficult for me to cry and then collect myself in public 😭 and she comforted me but didn't make a big deal about it and maybe that helped more. idk i and probably others put a lot of emphasis on mental health but it's kind of nice to feel like... normal.. and move on. my mom kind of smothers me about my mental health and it's something i appreciate technically but maybe not in practice. idk if it's trauma but maybe i just don't appreciate physical comfort as much as i thought i did, or emotional worrying over ppl. it's just confusing bc i thought i desired these things a lot but i think it was just that the complete absence of them from my life affected me negatively, and i wanted Some Amount of it but not like A Lot. it seemed like i wanted a lot because of how much i was yearning for it but i don't think so lol 😭

it kind of follows that pattern of my mom being Too much and my dad being too little (Borderline neglectful but emotionally lmao 😭) so i guess it makes sense why my desires don't align with what i actually want. i suppose i need to Experience more to figure it out.

i also keep having Bisexual Panik that im turning straighter or am going to date a cis guy because i feel like i place a lot of emphasis on my attraction to guys. in my Mind. but i think i just note when i'm attracted to guys more bc im much more often attracted to women . and it would be difficult to keep track of all the attractive women 😭 i worry sometimes that ppl are gonna see this and be like "oh this bihet's gonna end up with a man" but what i worry about even more than that is they might be right.. but i hope not. i dony want date cishet man <3

ive reached the point in my college class now where ive Given up on voluntary reading. technically it's not voluntary but if we're not doing a class activity with it or discussing it in class its voluntary to me lmfao 💀 i struggled quite a bit with my lastest assignment, though i did get it done on time, which makes me worry that I won't be able to handle two classes. i really worry that i'm never going to be mentally stable enough to hack it. i don't think mental health meds can fix that for me as the only ones i have left to try (or the ones my psych thinks i should try, anyway) are antipsychotics and i keep having fucking insurance issues with them and they're charging me a bajillion fucking dollars so at that rate i'm never going to try them lmfao. so then i should maybe try getting tested for adhd again or autism.. but getting dxed with autism would do Nothing and just cost money. but if i did have adhd and needed medication and that made me function better, that would help! but i also worry that i have no observable condition and am just simply unable to exist in the capitalist hellscape climate by virtue of being the me... that would be the worst. but i worry that's what it is lol 😭 ah i should schedule an adhd test before i change my mind

[dramarants]

a bit of a rant regarding the ksh scandal so skip if you need

I’m just really miffed not even at him or the girl or the reporters, just that homecha was such an incredible journey and the way it all fell apart leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth. I still have so many more beautiful gifsets and meta and brilliant work left in my queue from when the show was airing, things that ppl shared bc they were moved or inspired to the point of creation, and I feel like I can’t fully appreciate it anymore bc I almost feel guilty for some reason? even though no part of anything has to do with me or the writers and even ksh was technically “cleared” or whatever. it’s just hard to revisit for some reason smh

[ko-eko-ev-go-ms]

Also it’s weird I haven’t posted any vents in so long coz I’ve genuinely been doing so good (internally at least) that I haven’t needed to scream into void to process and it’s very weird that I’m here posting again

Hate when you realize something was more serious and happened and more specifically that you finally realize it’s something you’re gonna have to process for a while rather than just rapidly move on from, especially when it’s like way after the fact and just blegh

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

1. Lo stans using "age is just a number" excuse while discussing H&P age difference are the worst. Do you even realise how it sounds? And yes age gap is important even to the gods if it was brought up by so many characters. Hades controls her life now, knows about the age&power gap, likes her mainly for her looks (he doesn't know her character well yet) and already thinks of her as his wife. After a MONTH. Even if it's not grooming it stinks of it. I wish people stop excusing it in such a gross way

2. idk why rachel thought it was cute and quirky persephone cant even do basic computer work, basic office tasks, or know how to work a phone. like ive known very sheltered people before and even they still knew how to use all of that. it's legit strange rachel seems this characterization as cute and endearing over concerning. if she cant even work a computer, how can you seriously say she'd be a perfect queen / lawyer? like what??

3. the stans excuse the age gap as "well they acknowledge it" like ok?? you cant point out its bad then just roll with it. there is no reflection on it or showing of hades not going after her/setting up boundaries, he just goes "this is weird" then gets over it to still lust after/make out with a teenager. you cant make a point in comic ppl find it creepy then be mad readers also find it creepy? itd be like making a point you set your house on fire then being mad of being called an arsonist for it.

From OP: This!! That’s actually what bothered me the most. It’s acknowledged as a problem...then dropped?? It just sets the idea that the age gap DOES matter but the characters just decided to ignore it I guess. It feels like RS only wanted the credit for acknowledging the issue.

4. yeah rachel being like "my style is flexible!" is not good for a long form project. if she was an animator that would be good so she could animated different characters in other people's style, but she can't even keep her own leads looking the same from panel to panel. that's a sign of being a weak artist, but she insists it's actually a good thing. also yeah, style does change in long projects, but usually for the better, not the rushed, inconsistent work rachel forces out now.

5. anon what LGBT+ couple is LO ripping off?? i thought it was more obviously ripping off fifty shades which is very straight (also yes rachel gets all the media deals bc shes in a privileged group and her story caters to that privileged group. theres a reason the doctors are out or brimstones and roses arent being published despite being some of the better written and diverse comics on the site. marketability to the group in power always trumps actually being the diverse company they claim to be)

6. rachel sending her rapid fans after private facebook groups for not being comfortable she was overstepping her bounds as a creator in fan space and a minthhe cosplayer for joking persephone is a mary sue is such a nasty look at her true character. she has such a huge platform and know they will defend her no matter what, so its not ok for her to use that to harass/silence others over something as minor as a cosplayer joking around or private fan groups not wanting her to control what they say.

7. to the anon asking why hxp "fans" dont acknowledge the orphic myths, it's because they don't care about persephone or her wants, they care about HADES and want him to have a doting wife and to fantasize about their "perfect goth husband". if they truly cared about persephone they wouldn't demonize demeter, erase her pain at the hands of hades, or rewrite her completely so her world only revolves around HIM. it's not about persephone and giving her a "choice", it's about making hades happy ONLY.

8. maybe its just me but incest is like the least of the issues in mythology much less the hxp myth. like idk if your only concern reading it was "hades and persephone are related" and not everything else thats just wild to me lmao. like just as other anon said too the incest pops up anyway? so like it just looks stupid rachel tried so desperately to get rid of it only for it to come up anyway when it could have just been there for the start and made a non-issue like pjo does.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

9. lo eris is what you get when rachel thinks it's a bad idea to let hair color be any lighter or darker than their skin tones. you get weird simpson abominations like that. her art school should ask for their degree back because it was obviously wasted on her.

10. What pisses me off about Eris is not only her design and her relation to Zeus and Hera (she should be daughter to Nyx and Erebus imo) but the fact that she’s also “the goddess of wrath” in LO canon. In actual Greek canon, Lyssa/Lytta is the goddess of wrath (well, pure rage and unadulterated anger so close enough. But if you want to get technical, Ares is the closest to the god of wrath). Chaos/Discord are different from Wrath, you know.

It would make much more sense if Eris set into motion the events of Persephone’s AOW if she:

1. Disguised herself amongst the mortals digging the sacred flower field and kept using her power to make sure they ignored Persephone, thus angering her and making her more likely to commit it.

Or 2. Used her powers of chaos to influence everyone involved with little voices on their shoulders saying that everything was okay and to let loose.

But that’s just wishful thinking, I guess.

[thatsapphicwriter]

Hi reader

Today I'm feeling a little extra single, so I'm just gonna go through a list of different ways to show trust or intimacy between two characters (or real life ppl, I mean u never know).

Hands. Omg hands. Mostly hands touching each other. This can be a person's own hands touching themselves to establish a level of comfort in their body, or with someone else showing deeply intimate feelings. If it's their palms touching it could be them connecting their energies (like when they make their pairing official), if it's finger tips it could show a trust big enough for experimentation and so on. Hands communicate a lot, but especially intimacy so please use hands in your writing.

Eye-contact. It can be a show of a characters general kindness and confidence if they, instead of nodding at people when saying hi on the street, just keep eye contact and smile. Eye-contact can be used in an alluring and flirtatious way. You could write whole paragraphs of your MC trying to decipher another person's Eye-contact. It also upgrades every smutty chapter by 100% because it makes the characters confront each other and brings them back to reality. It makes a scene much more real. It can also be used to establish a characters confidence - where are they looking? Are they thinking abt where they are looking? What does this mean?

Communication. This may just be me longing for a relationship where I don't have to be the mature one, but communicating is so fucking sexy. Literally, communication is the best way to show trust between your characters, and it will probably influence your readers in a positive way if you sneak it in there.

Ears, for some reason. Once again, this is related to communication and listening to other people. If they notice another person's ears while they're talking, it could show-case listening. Also, noticing little things about people in general is rally intimate and can be used to share that, especially if it's not a very observant person.

Sharing physical things with emotional importance to the character. Fx. letting someone/a character borrow ur MC's favorite book or Lipgloss, and the character/person makes sure it gets back in good condition. This will show that they trust and/or care for the other person and respect their interests. As someone(a Taurus) who gets very possessive over my favorite things, this is definitely a huge one for me, so don't be fooled by how small/general it is.

If it's parental love/intimacy/trust, I find that arguments can be a good show for it as well. A safe environment is also one where you/a character is allowed to lash out when their feelings get too big to handle. It shows maturity and patience from both sides if an argument can happen, and both learn from it constructively.

Discussing art. Literally such a cute trope I love it deeply. Especially when the two characters disagree, and while it isn't mentioned or made too obvious, it's still clear that they obviously respect the other person's opinion. It is, however, a very nice playground for flirting, like with every other fight (enemies to lovers fans have a point).

Apologizing. Need I say more? No, but I will. Apologizing shows an ability to take accountability for ones actions, which is needed when showing trust and intimacy. Even if it's just a small "I'm sorry" after accidentally hitting someone on the nose. Don't overuse it, though, cause that might make the character seem insecure (which could be intentional, but just showing through apologizing gets boring and annoying over time).

Have them stand/lay next to each other unintentionally and without them noticing until a little late in the moment. Like if they get new seats in class, and one doesn't notice until 20 minutes into the first class. When they do notice, though, they might start panicking a little bc "omg they're r i g h t t h e r e" and then they make a move or smth (idk it's ur story).

Exchanging annotated books. It's like a peak in the other persons/characters brain. Besides, books are incredibly intimate and the favorites will typically be ones that a person relates to in some way, shape or form, making just that a simple peak at their emotions. Books about bookworms are adorable and I love it very much.

Okay that was a long list. Obviously don't overuse any of them, cause then they lose their power, but I do believe that this is a nice little connection. Feel free to add onto it, but I can't come up with anymore just in this moment.

I do hope this inspired you in any way to write any of these in to your wip, because I find them adorable.

Love, The Sapphic Writer

[dabiismainhoe]

Dabi HC 18+

TW I guess? Idk also kinda out of character/ not canon and basically just what I imagine happening in some AU type of thing idk oh and SPOILERs

(Edit: I just looked it over and damn it’s a lot lmao ups)

He’s intersex

He’s one of those skinny bitches that are obsessed with chubby/ big girls

Either bisexual or no label cuz he thinks everyone and everything can be hot

He also likes dad bods, doesn’t care about muscles but doesn’t mind them either

Would probably be into almost everything ( except piss and shit cuz that just screams infections, oh and also feet bc feet are disgusting)

Has hardcore/ violent s*x even tho he actually likes it soft and careful (but he doesn’t do it bc he feels like he doesn’t deserve care and love thanks to trauma)

Love/ hate relationship with shoto (goes from wanting to protect him to wanting to harm him)

He feels awful and disgusting for feeling that way tho

Might have some sort of DID like twice ( Touya being the child alter and Dabi being the persecuter/ protector) and Dabi was slowly being created as the years passed and where touya was losing control over himself and the situation he was in but Dabi ultimately manifested right after the incident in which touya almost burned himself to death (or in other words where touya „died“). So now Dabi is in control while touya is hidden away deep inside his mind

During the war arc, specifically after his revelation Dabi slowly starts losing it and touya ends up „breaking free“ and Dabi is then having kind of a fight with touya trying to keep him locked inside but fails

Dabi ends up being caught and his DID is starting to show

Depending on who talks to him he’s either acting like 13 year old touya or 24 year old Dabi

His mother and siblings get Touya, the police and other pro hero’s get Dabi while endeavor and hawks get both

Endeavor bc duh Touya got hurt by him and Dabi now wants revenge for what happened to Touya

Hawks bc he killed Twice who was one of the few ppl Dabi liked/ accepted and for working with him but also Touya bc Touya is hurt that hawks doesn’t understand him and sides with endeavor despite going through similar abuse hoping he’d have at least one person feeling his pain and anger

He has mixed feelings about his mother and sister

On one hand he missed his mother and understands her and doesn’t blame her but on the other he’s hurt that she didn’t try hard enough and just let him be on his own

Fuyumi bc she tries so hard to get endeavor to like her and is nice to him and forgave him and that makes Dabi/ Touya feel like she’s just dismissing his feelings and pain and what he went through but he also gets why she acts like this bc she was also neglected and only wishes to have a „normal“ family ( as normal as it gets at least)

Dabi does feel awful about the fact that ending almost killed natsuo bc that wasn’t his intention at all. He wanted to get at his father and not the only person that has ever been there for him

He still loves natsuo a lot even if it’s hard for him to show it like ppl normally would

Dabi has lost sense of taste and smell bc of overusing his fire

Probably developed asthma at one point

I feel like he once randomly coughed up a piece of his lung and just stared at it for like 10 seconds before kicking it

His stamina used to be okay-ish but now it’s just shit and he’s only able to burn and do all that crazy shit bc of adrenaline and drugs

He only let hawks top him bc his stamina kept decreasing and he was also sick of getting accidentally whacked by hawks wings during freaky deaky time

(I hate hawks now but I’m still a sucker for dabihawks omg I hate it but I can’t get enough of it 😩)

Has some sort of father/son suga Daddy/suga baby relationship with Giran

Lives of daddy’s money (wether it’s Girans or his actual dads money idk lmao probably both but endeavor doesnt realize it cuz shoto and Dabi buy similar shit or just draw money out of an atm if it’s something that shouldn’t be known by endeavor)

Dabi is into consent and protection and no one can tell me otherwise

He cannot risk getting an infection or any stds

Might drop dead one day from organ failure

He hates hawks interior decor and burned half of it

Touya is usually locked away but there were a few moments where he came out and those always involved a butterfly bc Touya loved butterflies

Dabis fav animals are butterflies

Calls hawks birdshit

Hes overly dramatic for No reason

Probably did it with almost the whole league except for shiggy (he’s too crusty) spinner (reminds him too much of ninja turtles) and toga (she’s a minor). At first he didn’t wanna do it with twice bc twice kept contradicting himself and that confused Dabi and he didn’t know wether twice was actually comfortable or even wanted it to begin with. It got better after a while tho

Burns abusers, rapists, pedophiles and molestors on the spot bc they hit a certain nerve inside of him

Gets made fun of by the leaugue for getting knocked out almost every time

He likes slushees and always buys himself one at exact 2:38 am in the morning

Giran was the one who found him after he burned himself and got taken in by him

First two years after the incident everything is a blur in his memory and he doesn’t know what exactly happened there (either from drugs to relieve the pain or Girans quirk)

Dissociates a lot

Sometimes it gets so bad he physically needs to be slapped hard to come back to reality

Insomniac

Coke head

Uff this is more than what i thought It’d be and it’s not even all. Anyway not everything is correct or canon and it’s what I think of Dabi. If you have anything to add or discuss please tell me

[bluepluto03]

Ok so! I absolutely adore @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors sanders sides series “love and other fairytales” and bc he is a really cool person who does prompts for other ppl all the time, I decided to take a prompt from him myself !!

(Note that I asked on my main and this is my writing blog lol so that’s why the urls don’t match upppppp)

The prompt was basically just anything with Roman and Remus,,,, I went a tiny bit off of that and this is kinda a mini fic/kinda a hc post but I hope u enjoy it dispite that!!! <3

Remus doesn’t really understand like healthy forms of showing affection. And ofc Roman, who is like 40 and looking at this kid who is somehow a literal 18 y/o infant and also decades older than him is not gonna let that continue

So once Remus wakes up from his hibernation Roman makes it his mission to try and like show Remus actual Love and Affection

He orders weird sodas online for Remus. Like the weirdest flavors possible. Grass flavored soda is a real life thing. It’s Remus’s favorite and Roman buys it in bulk and just throws one at Remus basically every time he sees him

Every day that Remus has therapy Roman goes into the forest to pick him up and walk with him to it (or drive idk how far Emile’s office). He also always waits outside so he can walk Remus back after

At first Remus is mega sus bc he’s like basically assuming that Roman is trying to make sure he’s not going to hurt the humans. Which is like mayyyyybe a tiny part of it but it’s legitimately 99.9% that Roman just wants to be there for him

Roman starts a habit of ruffling Remus’s hair every time he sees him. Remus is honestly just,,,,,, baffled

Remus has literally no clue what the heck is going on, but other ppl start figuring it out and deciding “oh I’m going to do that too”

Patton starts inviting Remus to family movie nights! Ofc they have tons of soda and sweets but Patton also goes out of his way to try and make some of the more weird Fae foods that Remus enjoys

Although once Roman accidentally drank something made primarily of tree sap, bark and river water. So that was unfortunate

Movie nights are.... interesting btw. They watch a lot of Disney movies and Remus likes to make a lot of.... off color jokes.

Thankfully he keeps it.... mostly in check when Linda is around (at least when she’s still really young). Usually he waits for her to fall asleep, or he just finds Roman the next day and tells him like all 200 of the jokes within 15 minutes

Remus does actually enjoy the movie nights though

Logan asks for Remus’s opinion on their garden (even if he doesn’t really need that help) and they have really in-depth seelie discussions about ~plants~

Virgil is very awkward but he’s trying his best. He just keeps leaving Remus fancy weapons bc why tf not

Linda very quickly gets to the point where she’s comfortable enough about Remus to basically use him as a climbing post. He doesn’t mind but his bird is a little jealous

Through out all of this Remus is somewhere between appreciative and very confused like What Are They Doing

Emile is like they care about you ya silly!!

Remus is like yeah I know??? So why are they doing that??? I already know that they.... care or w/e what’s the point of doing all that

Emile: well when people care about eachother they like to do nice things and show that they care! Even if the other person already knows, part of caring about someone is making sure they feel cared for :) 

Remus is just like.... Oh.....

At the end of the session he goes out into the waiting room and Roman is there waiting for him

Remus goes up and hugs Roman

Roman just grins and hugs him back

[rupertgayesarchive]

That ask and your answer about what if Sam was out of hunting and never left Stanford because Gabriel wanted to stop the apocalypse and threw him into a pocket dimension and I’m like. Obsessed. primarily with gabriel and how Sam would go.

I think he would stick Sam in a like… you remember when Zachariah stuck sam and dean in the office job and it was a parallel universe but also it was real life? like coplanar planes, I think Gabriel would elect to do that instead of his you’re going in my alternate universe, because it’s less detail consuming and I think Sam would notice small things that were off like how he figured out it was him in mystery spot.

You said Sam deserves to have the apple pie life but if he was comfortable with that it wouldn’t like.. work he wouldn’t be ready to ever confront Lucifer or anyone. i agree but also I don’t think he would stick with his normal life. like in the zachariah episode he had a normal life and fake memories of that but he still wanted to hunt and help people and also figure out wtf was happening. I think in this scenario Sam would still be psychic because I love that but Gabriel would probably try like… suppressing his visions and such, because they would lead him back into possible angel business. I think he’d still get little snippets because that’s fun and having reminders in that that the supernatural like.. exists and ppl are getting hurt, I think that would overrule his want of complete normalcy and even his spite toward John.

I don’t think he’d go back into hunting like, completely because I want him to have something good and also be semi well adjusted. but like we saw in the terrible life episode I think he’d like.. if he got bored and started looking up strange deaths well now he has to go help them!!

also it is sooo fun to me if he starts realizing something is wrong but he doesn’t know what. like in mystery spot I love that trope sooo fucking much also in s1 sam gets back into hunting through John Winchester style revenge quest and I want to give him a reason to start poking around that is like.. for himself and not anybody else. he can have a little obsession over it as a treat because i like seeing him be a bitch <3

i think initially when Gabriel found out the apocalypse was like in motion and Sam was at Stanford he’d have an opportunity there to do something without revealing to other players that he is alive because he was pretending to be a trickster. like he’s very much in this for self preservation and if he did some time traveling shenanigans, or disappearing both Winchesters and maybe even Adam out of nowhere, I think he’d worry that the angels would take notice. Randy your vessels!! But Stanford gives him a natural window to hide a key player. he needs to do away with Adam too so Lucifer can’t possibly have a true vessel to fight.. maybe he can kill him in a freak accident because I find that funny. sorry this is long and it will be getting longer

anyway I think as time went on Gabriel would pay like less meticulous attention. he’d still keep away like key players but as other people also started trying to stop the apocalypse he would become more relaxed also he’d be overconfident in himself like in changing channels. I think this would lead sam to notice more stuff that just doesn’t make any sense and maybe start looking for dean or even his dad, or going out of his way to look for hunts. maybe get involved in magic because i think he deserves to be a witch. wait actually that’s how he should find Dean. i think Gabriel would hide Dean from Sam and vice versa, and he didn’t foresee Sam using magic or anything. Also at this point it’s been years and I think Sam is more invested in this than his like… normal life. he’s more well adjusted but I can definitely see him just impulsively quitting his job to figure out what the fucks happening. Also I think he’d feel animosity at dean during this for not being there and not helping him, even though that anger doesn’t make complete sense. sorry i like the early seasons salmon dean reconciling and learning to like each other and sam realizing Your Parents Are People and I would like to see it with them having like, completely different lives and also some fun miscommunication bc of Gabriel. also sam having to reconcile dean having cas OHRHDHJ also dean and cas trying horribly to cover cas being not human is so fucking fun to me. unless this happens during a cas is dead time period which is fun in a different evil way.

I also think dean would only stop looking if he though Sam was dead, but I think… Gabriel might have hidden him but other people ARE still meeting him even with like altered memories. so I think angels or something can sense that Sam is alive but they don’t know where and I think they’d gloat and use it to taunt dean that he is like.. suffering while his brother is living a perfect normal life. Also because this adds another miscommunication that can be discussed and end in reconciliation in a way I don’t think would feel contrived and is in line with it the characters. it’d be Amelia s8 but Sam would be like (Sam voice) I did look for you!!! where were you when I needed you! also I want Sam to find out John died and he’s in absolute despair while cas is standing there like oh yes that’s so awful your father was an. absolutely a man😔😐🏳️‍🌈

idk when this would occur and i think every season offers like… different flavors of enjoyment for an audience of just me. like s7 proto widower arc?? Sam reconnecting with Dean during TMWWBK when he is not familiar with the dean and cas dynamic and has to be witness to Trying So Hard To Be Loyal. additionally that would be fun because bobby is there and dean is like, covering his ears and back talking bobby regarding cas. and if they’ve taken pains to hide cas being an angel Sam being like .who is this to Dean. is suchhh a fun concept.

WAIT post goodbye stranger. or maybe Sam can show up pre goodbye stranger to watch dean go from clingy after cas gets back from purgatory to wrongfooted to like ANGRY. well not Angry… to dean having dean emotions. when cas is off with the tablet ignoring him and he feels betrayed. and this Sam isn’t as close to him so he doesn’t know ANY details until Dean stats divulging them as they reconcile. ALL GOOD OPTIONS..

also if this happens during s6 i think it would be nice if cas started collecting allies, and at the same time as Sam trying to figure out what was keeping him away from dean and the angel business Cas could figure it out FIRST and use Gabriel as an ally against Raphael but he’d feel like he has to hide it from dean and sam. like in this scenario. actually any time I talk about s6 hypotheticals Cas’ conflict IS the A Plot. the Winchester’s were on a side quest idc. s6 is a fun time for these reasons but i don’t like it as much because Cas is still in the process of like.. formative development.

okay one last thing I’m SOOO sorry for my essay. you said if Sam was dispossessed the apocalypse would just.. not happen. i agree to like, a certain degree, because I do think they could have found another way but all of them would have been dust compared to swan song. so maybe Gabriel semi succeeded but instead of stopping the apocalypse he just… prolonged it. this changes a lot but if either Michael or Lucifer didn’t have a viable vessel I think the angels would scramble to actually for real stop the apocalypse but others would still want it to happen even if it was like.. Perfect they just want it to be over. this provides angel politics which I am in love with and we can still have like TMWWBK development for cas. I don’t know where I’m going with this sorry

op this is a lot, this is so much. i love it, i hope you have a google doc open somewhere and are typing away furiously.

now i didn't rewatch a lot of spn past s3 (surprise) in part bc i can't handle the brain damage and some scenes are seared into my cerebral cortex in a way that induced a temporary bout of eidetic memory, meaning i'll never forget the crypt scene in Goodbye Stranger for as long as i live. that being SAID, my s6-s7 knowledge is not as firmly coalesced. so because of that i'm letting your thoughts roam free as i don't know how accurate my own takes would be? but i feel like without sam there, like... hm. would dean even be the same person... would the past however many seasons even OCCUR remotely similar with sam out of the picture for literal years? we might be looking at a completely different world at that point.

my other theory is that the s2 plot of special children - we know azazel was raising a new 'crop' of psychic kids. i think that was a plot thread that they ended up dropping anyway, but if they didn't i do wonder if we'd be dealing with a lot more shenanigans like in s1 and s2 except with kids? and dean and cas trying to figure out what to do with these young psychics that might be turned into a vessel for lucifer or - whatever they wanted to do with those kids. hm.

i also question if purgatory would be a thing. like it probably would come up and be on the table, but maybe the godstiel arc wouldn't, bc if like you're saying dean and cas are together at this point, like. cas might have grown to love humanity (not just dean but like 99% dean) to the point where he might not be doing this risky gambit for more souls. and if gabriel is still around, cas may start petitioning gabe to help throw his archangel weight around against raphael while he tries to do the actual strategizing.

i think sam would still have his visions, like you said, and then maybe those lead him to dean or to a case that dean is also on? or if angels are more well-known later on, he tracks one down, maybe cas, maybe not (if it's NOT and it's one that works on raphael's side. ohoho. the possibilities...)

[fkinavocado]

So I’m in my 5th year of med school and there’s this guy in my rotations we don’t talk a lot , he’s a year younger than me, he’s so smart and shy and quiet…maybe a little awkward, you barely hear his voice like literally, he talks and walks calmly and he is so sweet to me we did a project together in 2019 but I didn’t really remember him, at first I didn’t notice him, one time I was doing presentation and I was nervous so I made a small mistake and he held eye contact with me and kept his focus on me and kept nodding his head and assuring me it stuck with me bc it was so genuine and heart warming, then he had a presentation and after he was done he asked for my opinion and I was truly impressed by how good he was so I told him exactly that and he seemed happy about it, if we were seated next to each other passing pictures of a disease he would hold it close to me and start explaining and discussing things and like “do you notice this do you notice that” and I still didn’t notice him but I could tell that he was comfortable around me (more than the rest of the girls in our rotation group) and same goes for me…it was until about 3 weeks ago during dermatology rotation that I noticed him, he noticed a scar on my hand and started joking about physical examination and I told him my cat did it and he was like oh I have a cat too and he showed me his and I showed him mine, then he opened the door of the clinic for me and kept waiting for me to go in but I didn’t notice, then I asked him for a piece of paper and he was like do you need something to support the paper and I was like no it’s okay but he insisted on giving me a book to help me while I write down notes, I would arrive late and he would be like you missed this and that and you should write down this, or I’d be all over the place and he would be like what do you need and if it was a mask or a pen or something he would always help me without me even asking,I catch him looking at me sometimes, and so did my friends…we hold eye contact and he would turn around to look at me especially the other day when I was talking to a guy…He barely talks to girls, but he still says hi to me most days, my friends noticed that he is most comfortable with me but I still could be imagining things because he usually sits by himself even when his friends take breaks during rotations, he like to keep to himself I’m the complete opposite I’m bubbly and I joke around and I’m the girl that is friends with everyone and I make sure people around are happy so that can also explain why he is comfortable around me although he definitely has a special spot for me…I get so nervous when it comes to him, I even avoid saying hi, I worry that I would embarrass myself but I want for us become closer but I know he wouldn’t make the first move…I can’t stress enough how sweet and respectful he is so I don’t want to ruin it if he is just being nice and at the same time idk how to approach him but I truly do want to get to know him better 💔 what do you think I should do? 💔 also bestie sorry if this was too long I just needed to talk

gonna answer under the line to not turn this into a kilometric post on ppl's dash 😅

to be honest i sometimes get some asks i don't end up posting because i don't want to turn my blog into a place where i have just random chats via asks, because, frankly, i have unfollowed some blogs that kept on doing that. like, i follow them for their specific content not to hear about their anons' mundane stuff 😬 especially if it's not fun, or uplifting or has got anything to do with what i would normally see on their blogs. also, if it's something too depressing i won't post it, because truth be told, this is my happy place. i come here to escape my daily life and all the crap i have to deal with and my mental health is not at its all time best lemme tell you... i want my blog to be a happy, safe place, where people won't potentially get triggered (including myself 😅) like... only keep it at content ppl can expect to see if that makes sense.

now, because you asked beforehand if i would mind giving some relationship advice, that's an entirely different story and i really appreciated that. plus. it's about love and dating so i would say it's not straying too far from the ongoing theme on my blog lol. to add to that, you're in medschool and it brings back sweet (and not so sweet lol) memories. 5th year dermatology makes me think you're from the same country i am lol. plus you are looking at pictures which i'm assuming were printed, and i had a feeling only we are so far behind as to have to look at printed pictures of diseases lmao. but i digress

see why the read more was necessary? lmao

i kinda get the appeal of a quiet, keep to himself kinda guy, maybe a bit broody, and the fact that when he does interact with people he gives them his full attention kinda reminds me of Harry to be fair. so that's already a plus lol. but is he really shy or does he just like to keep to himself? i mean, he already interacts with a fun, bubbly girl such as yourself and for a shy person that's not really usual. i would've expected him to go for a shy girl such as himself if that were the case.

the fact that we're in the middle of a pandemic kinda limits what i would suggest. but if there's a possibility of going to the cinema, i think that would be a safe bet. like, maybe hint at how you miss pre-pandemic days when you could go to the cinema, that you miss doing that, maybe mention a movie that is running, and see if he offers. if he doesn't, he either truly is shy, or just thick lmao but wait for him to make a move. like give it a day or two. if he doesn't, mention it again, and ask if hey! maybe he'd like to go with? - very casual, as if you'd just thought abt it.

this is what i would do since i don't like asking out guys (not that there's anything wrong abt that, it's just not my cup of tea). this way it doesn't even sound like a date, and it could be just platonic if you decide you don't like him outside of medschool, but it gives you a neutral ground to test the waters, and learn more about each other.

[jageunyeoujari]

‘idea’ & self-knowledge as love as freedom

w thanks to @radiatingdyke​​ & henrik !!

so in a previous post, i talked abt spectacle & respect in criminal for context. now starting off w henrik’s thoughts re: plato:

"It’s honestly pretty ambiguous what Plato means by it- at least in the republic- The core theory is that ideal forms are a truer kind of reality than the shadows. The philosopher escapes a cave of shadows projected on the wall by a ruling class, the only “reality” they ever knew and were literally bound to. They crawl through a treacherous passage to find themselves face to face with the dazzling light of the sun which blinds them temporarily, and as their eyes adjust they find themselves in a forest and realize the shadow puppet of “tree” was not the real tree all along! For what the shadows are: Idk how developed popular media/conventional politics were at the time but we (America) based a lot of our shit on it so I think one strong possibility is we find ourselves in a modern allegory of the cave where the shadows dancing on the wall are the world as it’s told to us- through news education and policy and the “real” is personal experience and genuine community. Then shadows would then be actual reality as we know it, including the real trees and personal experience, a veil placed over us by metaphysical forces which can be lifted through Godwork to reveal the true nature of the inner workings of the universe. The last part of the allegory is that the philosopher returns to the cave to free the other prisoners and spread the light”

so while criminal is the revelation in the toxic cycle of the idol culture & mutual destruction & obsession are confused for love, idea is making the decision to learn what true love & connection is, leaving behind the suffocating expectations demanded by the industry, & in the process, become complete in his humanity.

so we first see taemin in jail, condemning himself for his role in the toxic parasocial relations of idol culture, and literally... calling himself out.... altho i would say that this:

in criminal is purgatory proper, the jail may be the end point of his journey there. he confesses his sins, his soul gets purified, & then next we see him in the bar which is confirmed to be heaven (which happens to look much like lee soo man's office) while the flashy models stare at taemin, the walking dead, the posh people in suits (likely executives) ignore him. 

so here we have taemin trying to fit in seemlessly in this world of the elites who have the highest level of control in the idol industry. here, he is assured his status as the best & now guaranteed to be free of pain... but on their terms. there is shallow comfort but nothing else. the others content w playing games & eating delicacies, surrounded by alcohol, but are contained to sitting, indulging in frivolities, & passively looking on but no chance of connection. the bar is just another form of intoxication, but unlike criminal where there is at least an illusion of attaining love, heaven is merely stagnant. this idealized heaven of the elites cannot give true freedom as it is based on sterility & exclusivity, just another form of social control. "the dangerous dream that swallowed me is proven by you." staying here would be another form of self-betrayal & denial of the love he seeks so he rebels against heaven through his dancing, an affirmation of his life.

taemin then being shocked that all these shadow versions of himself are not the truth... silvery dissolving forms... his identity fragmenting............ but still taemin still can't break away from the illusion that the adoration & fame he receives as an idol could be actually hurting him.

as @radiatingdyke has talked about, BoA's 'killing me' line is reminiscent of korean shamans channeling gods. significant that it is BoA who he channels as they are both similar, debuting at a very young age & have been massive stars ever since then. "you are my messiah" BoA cuts him off, speaking the truth. this isn't who he rly is or what he actually wants. he must face himself & the truth or he will die. 

the mirror steps are i think symbolic of plato's ladder of love. to my understanding, the ladder of love is basically about how the aim of life is the ascension of the soul to heaven. the gods can do this as a god's soul is in perfect balance w all the different aspects of itself which makes them necessarily wise & good. humans' souls are in disarray, however, & it is this conflict between all parts of the soul which makes it difficult for us to follow the gods to heaven. to do this, people have to understand the true Form of beauty, by climbing the ladder of love. the steps start from loving a body which one is attracted to due to physical beauty & by understanding the beauty of this body, one can then consider how the beauty of one body is found in all bodies. the progression goes on from loving more broadly until we come to the last step, love of knowledge & wisdom. now one is able to see the actual form of Beauty, bringing harmony to your soul. so in order to taemin to finally know peace within himself, he has to know how to love.

& the progression of the ladder implies for me that by first learning to care for others but understanding who they are in their completeness & beauty, you eventually are able to learn to care for yourself & see the beauty in your own soul. & on the flip side, the better able you care for yourself, the more you are able to care for others. i'll discuss this more when i go into my thoughts on act 2 as a whole but basically, the rest of act 2 has a truly warm & loving atmosphere when taemin speaks to the other. in comparison, act 1 presents his experience of 'love' as enmeshment, painful, confusing, losing his self of sense to cater to the desires of the other. there are feelings of obligation to stay in this destructive relationship bc that’s his prescribed role & anyway, any attention is better than none at all. 

ppl w a poor sense of self can readily suffer mistreatment for the sake of a semblance of connection, confusing obsession for love when what’s rly happening is actually cathexis, an investment of emotions. while care & affection can exist w cathexis, as does happen in fans’ relations w idols, this is not the same thing as love which liberates & cultivates growth in yourself & the other. fans’ obsession w idols quickly flipping to hate when idols stray from the designated persona of perfection is investment in that image but is not real love. in act 1, he does not understand the other clearly for what it is, destruction that must end, & the fact that he is suffering. without such awareness, he is incapable of truly giving & receiving love. 

& while act 2 does have similar themes of taking on other's pain, it becomes a stark contrast to act 1 bc he does so from a place of utter assurance of his identity & true self-love, not from the fear of being left alone. he loves himself for who he is so he is able to love for ourselves purely as well.

& as @radiatingdyke has said (& in much more detail than i can) the ladder reflecting the sky can also be a reference to indigenous korean beliefs where the sky represents the entire universe. the creator god is Hanulnim, literally sky god.  

 also, even tho NGDA as a whole is replete w western imagery & references & v catholic, the overarching narrative of the 2 albums don't feel western to me in that there never is a fight between good & evil. a typical western narrative would be more like there would the defeat of like 'criminal' taemin by 'good' taemin or an obvious redemption arc. & to me, idea doesn't read so much as he confronts & then accepts both the good & the bad in him but that he leaves behind these limited concepts altogether & instead connects back to the true essence of the universe & becomes free to be utterly himself.

he’s struggled so much over the course of his career w figuring out how to reconcile the duality of himself, what it means to be authentic as an idol, wishing for his true self to be seen & appreciated. it’s always been looking outward for that validation but skirting away from revealing the whole truth of himself... & idea is the final answer to all that. no more denial, repression, burning away of the past, configuration to other ppl’s desires, no more use of mystery as a defense against the fear of being rejected if people see him for who he really is. he accepts himself for who he is & that’s all that matters.

in classic gaytholic taem fashion, he compares himself to jesus + mary + other divinity in NGDA imagery but ultimately, taemin is done w being both a god & the condemned. “i’ve finally opened my eyes.” he’s never been anything but a human being & he’s showing us all the beauty in that.

[partywithgyu]

Hi can you shop me with both a txt member and a stray kid member?(if I can ask for both, if not one of either is fine)

My zodiac sign is Taurus

My favorite feature of me is either my jawline or my lips (the lower half of my face is just better lmao)

My favorite color changes a lot but recently its been around different shades of blue or coraly (pretty sure that's not a word but I'm still gonna use it 🥴) colors

I dont really have much hobbies but I do love singing. I watch a lot of anime too if that counts 😅

I more like to do other peoples hobbies with them then to make my own

My likes are: watching tv, singing, talking, reptiles, pets, rollercoasters, roller skating, swings (idc how old I get, if I see a swing I'm going on it 😐), having fun? (Kinda a weird thing to add bc who doesn't like to have fun but when I say that I mean I like to go to events and play games), shopping and fashion are also big things I like even tho I dress like a hobo at home or at casual supermarket trips.

Dont judge me on my first dislike bc I have been judged by it before but I literally DESPISE the pinocchio movie, I am scared of the whale and it literally makes me think if something is big enough to eat me it will 😐✋

I also dont like those friends that dont include you in stuff, like some of my friends make plans in a group chat with me in it and dont invite me 😃 like include me too, hello⁉️🙄

Also my hands, like its lowkey embarrassing but I have sweaty palms so I hate when my friends wanna hold my hand or when I have to do handshakes. Any other form of affection is fine tho, I just cant do hand holding 😟

The rest of this is kinda dislikes but also just facts ig idk, I dont eat sea food bc I was tested to be allergic to shrimp but sometimes idc and I'll eat clam strips or smth, I'm a picky eater anyway so it's not like I try food often anyways.

This is something that lowkey contradicts what I said about me liking to talk but I'm shy. Like if I'm close to someone I would love to talk their ear off but I am mostly quiet and scared that I am gonna scare ppl away with how much I talk 😃

I've been told that I look like I'm glaring/upset a few times so ig I just have a resting upset face of some kind bc it most definitely is not a resting bitch face

Probably doesn't matter but I'm 5 feet and 1/8 of a inch

I also just get happy over the most stupid of things, my friend once gave me a broken plastic spoon and that's all I needed to be entertained for like half a hour till they took it away from me, same with a moldable eraser (forgot what they are called), I shaped it into a penguin with a top hat and gave him a 9-5 business job

These are some words I would use to describe me: indecisive, shy, picky, short, short tempered, clingy, awkward, imaginative, silly, and playful

I am so sorry for writing so much 😭😭✋

I ship you with Hyunjin from SKZ and Beomgyu from TXT✨✨✨

✨Hyunjin.

He will sit and debate with you on movie opinions for sure. After a while of your reasoning, he'll start agreeing with you. He'll be so interested in knowing what silly thing you're upto. Would secretly try to mould the penguine from that graphite eraser (if that's what it's called). If he succeeds, he would be so proud of himself. Would show it off with so much excitement.

He would love hanging out with you because you make everyday tasks fun. Also he would feel so comfortable showing his silly side. You bet he'll look up new riddles to ask you. Always will hype you up and ask you riddles he looked up online. Date nights will always be so fun and loud. It's easy to have discussions with you and he feels at ease with you. That's what he'll adore the most.

✨Choi Beomgyu.

Will treat you like a little baby. He will actually zone out during your rants about films and then just nod to anything you say. Would be sad if you get mad at him. Would tell you to repeat again and this time listen to it carefully. Would definitely watch the film if he hasn't.

He would love to have painting competition with you. Then he would tease you about how good his painting is even if your painting turns out better. Teasing you is his favorite thing to do because he gets to see you pout. If you ever get sad about it, he'll apologize immediately. Then become the cling onto you and give you kisses while fake crying.

p.s I have a rbf but I have an upset voice. Like sometimes I sound like I have cried for hours. Who is your bias?

[ballplayersxo]

sorry this is loooooooong BUT i was *waiting* for the rachel nichols shit to hit the fan. just ULTIMATE "pick me" energy!!!! DISCLAIMER: i JUST woke l up. i'm 3 hours behind here in LA. i heard the audio, not surprised. but have been ignoring espn in the past few months bc of ppl like her, so i don't know her full stance of chauncey/kidd. but i'll assume it's terrible bc she's rachel nichols. ok SO: she enjoys closeness to these male athletes and what they can do for her image, but says the most surface-level nonsense when it's time to do the serious part of her job. never pushes back if they do even the vile shit. she can't even do the easy part: acknowledging that there's more players in the league she besides the most famous superstars she likes being friends with. or announcing which wnba games are on that night and then complaining that no one talks about the women in basketball. ON HER HOUR-LONG BASKETBALL SHOW. she only talks about the women's league when talking about the lack of coverage, pay disparities, disrespect from media, how more exposure would lead to more money and stability for the league and it's like BITCH???? aren't you in the media?? at espn?? on an unnecessarily long professional basketball show?? i stupidly watched "the jump" all last season waiting for crumbs, and nothing. to make matters worse, the people she placed below her are malika andrews, the BEST basketball interviewer at espn. so respected by players and coaches etc bc of her investment in storytelling. monica mcnutt, who can make any topic interesting, has instant chemistry with anyone she is on screen with, and is just born to lead and host and funny as hell. chiney ogwumike, she's like a living computer and knows every play, every stat, every possible minuscule detail, and has energy for days and carries her own espn radio show. they're all small contributors at most, while KENDRICK PERKINS and matt barnes and paul pierce and richard jefferson and vince carter constantly get/got way more airtime over them. and when rachel would be out, she'd have some random white guy idek his name, fill in. when chiney was in the same city, same building, in her own off-season. and that's only *three* of the *many* black women who can do that job infinitely better! rachel is just a such a hypocrite. like.... chiney's radio co-host is another white dude but is constantly giving her her flowers and defending women who have been victims of abuse from athletes. never plays devil's advocate and instead argues that the nba and other leagues need to hold men accountable no matter who they are and that no, settling out of court does NOT equal innocence and that these people have legal teams designed to ruin lives. same radio show, mind you, that also discusses things like: "is breakfast for dinner overrated?" and "which donut chain is better?" so what is rachel's excuse???? LONG STORY SHORT: rachel nichols is a pick-me who doesn't give a shit about the people she steps on, especially victims and hyper-qualified black women, to stay above everyone. she got too comfortable and needs to be held accountable in a meaningful way. again sorry this is so long!!!! doing this 3 espressos deep is.... not it

don’t apologize cause i needed someone to read her since idk enough about her but this all makes sense! how are you a woman laughing at a man talking about being tired of the metoo movement basically? is this who we are? that’s why i’m saying white feminism is literally a disease because half the shit they preach about, they aren’t living. you seemingly pro-women but when a black women gets certain jobs over you, suddenly they aren’t qualified? it sounds like she’s essentially against affirmative action (which doesn’t even apply here but still) when i swear white women benefit the most from it. she’s just so nasty & sick. that’s how a lot of white women are. fake or hyper woke to either piss off white men, or to somehow use it as a prop to one day get the same power they do. the only thing keeping white women from being oppressors to the same extent of white men is their gender and it makes them SICK, this is why behaviour like rachel’s doesn’t shock me anymore. i really hope espn does something meaningful with this situation but i doubt it tbh

[mavspeed]

First Line Meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line, then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Hey @applesfallingfromblondehair, thanks for the tag love!! likewise i dont usually do this but this feels interesting so lets see if my ass has improved over the last few stories lmfkjgjk

also this will prob be a mix of xmcu fic + kingsman fic bc i think i have a more or less equal number of fics written for both

1.

The first time Charles meets Lucifer Morningstar, actual devil from hell, ruler of the underworld, fallen son of the lord above and god knows what else, it had been after Erik had been sentenced to life imprisonment in the highest security cell in the Pentagon. 

- this is from a professor and a devil walk into a bar, which is kinda a crossover rarepair fic that rose out of me and mutuals on twitter discussing tom ellis and james mcavoy being roommates and kinda... devolved from there. i am proud of this one lmfnjgkj

2.

“Are you okay, Professor?” Hank asks quietly.

Charles blinks. He supposes it’s a valid question. He’s been in a bit of a funk the past few days- scratch that actually, the past few years. He’s just lost so much- his father, and then his mother’s love, and then Raven and Erik and Sean and countless others. Building a school, gaining students he loved to teach and nurture hadn’t helped him in the slightest, and he’s as lost as he ever was, wandering the halls of a drafty mansion alone, feeling like he’s been stranded at sea even whilst surrounded by people.

- from in the belly of the beast, which again came out of me wondering what would have happened if fox had gone w their original plan and charles had been that last horseman instead of erik. this story will prob gain a sequel... sometime in the near future when im not too bogged down by current wips

3. 

The Xavier family hall of the deceased- because of course they’re weird enough to have a cemetery- is full of rows upon rows of holograms. Charles is four and gets bored of his father crying over his mother’s hologram, so he toddles over to the other rows. Unfamiliar names, all of them- Charles is young, and he doesn’t understand death. He doesn’t even know who his mother is, who’d died at childbirth and left him with a father still at a loss when it came to bringing up a kid.

- from tequila on a spaceship, the sequel to a fic that still has some people angry at me i think. this fic never did gain as much traction as the first one but im still proud of it esp since it discusses certain themes of reincarnation that ive always wanted to see explored for myself in reincarnation aus (and i only ever saw it in danveresque’s reincarnation au)

4.

There are cork boards covering every inch of the wall. Red strings, photographs, conspiracy threads, everything. Raven takes it in, swallowing, noticing the picture in the middle.

It’s one of Charles, when he’d been in university. His final year- he'd just been done presenting his year- end project, his fringe a tumbled mess and a bright smile on his lips. Erik had taken the picture, Charles scurrying to his side once he’d been done and demanding to look at the image, his tongue poking out the corner of his mouth. He looks like how Raven had always imagined him to be.

“He wouldn’t want this,” she finally says, turning to look at Erik.

- from tequila on a beach, the first fic to the fic above. this fic is v special to me because i actually wrote this on a spiral after having a very tough visit with one of my parents in the hospital after a surgery for organ removal to prevent the onset of cancer. its simpler than my other fics yet i think more powerful because of what happens. also i think the first time i killed charles off lol (spoiler alert). also idk if ppl were aware of this but this is called tequila on a beach precisely bc charles and erik were tipsy from tequila at a frat party and then went to a beach. its the way they first met (and will continue to meet for all their next lives)

5. 

Erik doesn’t know how it all started. Maybe it was when his insane sergeant had started rambling about imaginary cities, treasures of gold and cursed incantations. Maybe it was when trickles of rumours had started pouring down about the higher ups wanting to investigate unfound territory, disregard the Egyptian government’s feelings on the matter, and put a previously unfound myth on the map for all the world to see. Or maybe, Erik thinks, it was when archaeologist Klaus Schmidt put a bullet through his mother’s head and he ended up going to America armed with dual citizenship and the sole intent of wanting to drive a coin directly between Schmidt’s eyes, joining a division of the American military focused solely on guarding archaeological digs- more importantly, in Egypt, where Schmidt’s interest had shifted.

- from courting the end of the world, another one i’m just insanely proud of! this is the first time i’ve ever attempted a multichapter movie au and it actually managed to work pretty well, i at least haven’t run out of inspiration for it yet lmfjgjg. also erik as himbo rick connell... very rent free in my head

6. 

The day after they murder Shaw and leave his house of horrors, Erik crosses the Canadian border with Charles across his back. Charles had started getting tired while they’d been walking, stumbling and nearly tripping until Erik had forced him to get on his back, ignoring Charles’ protests.

The blood’s seeping out steadily from Charles’ nose, staining his shirt and soaking it through. It’s been leaking on and off, and the effects are already obvious in the dark circles beneath Charles’ eyes. Any more, and Erik knows they’ll have to find him a doctor. He hopes the nearest town in Canada has one that would be willing to treat them.

- from a world built for two. i actually dk where the inspiration for this came from, i think i was once again on a depressive spiral and wanted to break my comfort characters into pieces and put them together again. this also deals with codependency and unhealthy coping mechanisms as a result of trauma which i showed as sweet in the fic but i would def not recommend in real life. pls if u relate to either charles or erik in this go see a therapist

7. 

The call comes in the afternoon, an hour before Charles is supposed to teach his Intro to Genetics class. Frowning, Charles abandons the game of Candy Crush he’d admittedly been playing rather badly and picks it up. “Charles sp-”

“We need you, Prof,” Kitty says desperately into the phone. “He’s been in a temper all morning, and then Alex’s reports missed out a whole subsection, so he’s fired the entire marketing team! Please, Professor, you have to come immediately!”

- from and we can be pirates. i wrote this in like 4 seconds for my friend who wanted professor charles and ceo erik and actually did not expect this to gain the attention it did... its always the fics u write in like 4 seconds lmfjggj. a sequel for this Is coming too probably at some point in the very far future

8. 

Charles Xavier can admit as he sits across from Essex, hands cuffed to the desk, that in hindsight, this had perhaps not been one of his better ideas.

He refuses to admit it as he controls Erik’s mind, preventing him from lashing out and making him close his eyes to the nightmare unfolding in front of him. He refuses to admit it as he gets shoved into the back of a black pickup truck, and the butt of a gun is smashed across his forehead hard enough to knock him out cold for a few hours. He refuses to admit it when he wakes up what appears to be hours later in a cold interrogation room, hands cuffed to the table in front of him, with a suppression collar rendering his mind dark and almost achingly silent.

- from from the land of gods (bring me home). i’ve been struggling w this fic a lot (it didnt come as easily to me as the first one did) but its getting there. also i put charles through hell in this rip sorry mister xavier

9.

In the aftermath, both of them stand at the border of the mansion. The air feels frigid, slicing into Raven’s lungs like a thousand paper cuts. “Charles, please,” she begs, heart in her throat and voice hoarse. “He wouldn’t want you to be like this. He wouldn’t want you to do this. It’s not too late, you can come back.”

Charles gazes back, a brick wall. He hasn’t even cleaned up, still in that damnable yellow and blue suit with blood drying in the corners of his mouth, the bridge of his nose. There’s nothing in his eyes- blank, almost see through. He looks as if he’s a mere shade, a ghost lounging about where he once was. Raven knows better.

“I will raze the world to the ground,” he finally says, his voice free of any inflection, “and when I’m done, no one will be left standing. Not you, and certainly not me.”

- from where all the poets went to die, a dark fic based on what would have happened if moira had killed erik with the bullets. its the first time ive written dark charles and it was v fun if im being honest

10. 

Charles is a light sleeper. It’s a trait that stays with him- all the way from his father and the tests to taking care of his mother to Cain Marko and his fists to Cuba and then now, the dust of Washington settling over him and making the waking world lie an inch beyond his eyelids. It therefore stands to reason that the second the windowsill creaks he’s up in a shot, hoisting himself up and lashing out with his telepathy instantly.

That’s not a trait that had stayed with him. That’s a newly formed trait, bitter and bold, carved into existence by Cuba by his students disappearing one by one in Vietnam by the letters that announce Sean’s death in black unfriendly print by-

The tendrils of his telepathy forged cold and distant meet a barrier and recoil, stunned. He focuses his eyes and then widens them, staring at Erik who stares back, hidden beneath that infernal muddied magenta helmet of his. They stare at each other for a moment before Erik clears his throat.

- from in the valley of kings (you will come home). my first ever cherik fic! im actually also proud of this one even if i ended it horribly and half my mutuals refuse to read it bc of how it ended LMFJGJGJ. i cant believe this was supposed to be a funny and cute kid fic and then i turned it into an angst ridden mess. also leo is actually an oc whose adult version is fancasted as charlie rowe by me and another mutual on twitter and im v proud that readers are willing to die for the baby

11. 

Mike has to google it, finding a crafts shop nestled into the corner of the street right smack in the middle of Louisiana, past a long and winding dirt road and the crumbling farmhouses relics of a time long past. The air is hot, humid, sticking to the back of his neck like an unwieldy parasite as he pushes the door of the shop open to the sound of the bell tinkling above.

He finds the origami paper quickly enough and has a momentary breakdown about what Bill’s favourite colour even is- he had never thought to ask him. Twenty seven years of following every single footstep of his like a dedicated, most definitely creepy stalker, three months of more than a few states traversed with Bill’s laughter now echoing in his ears like a shadow that trails after him, and this is what stumps him. It takes ten minutes, but he finally settles on light green.

- my first and last entry into the IT fandom bc i love these two but to be very fair there isn’t much content out there for him (and twitter content actually intimidates me lmfjgjjg) a thousand paper cranes never got much traction either but i suspect its bc i was horrible at promoting it. also i very much love this fic even if it never did that well bc ive always wanted to write a fic like this after watching the movie in cinemas in 2019

12.

ok nsfw i guess 

Mornings start like this- Eggsy snuffling into David’s neck, attempting to work his way back up to wakefulness as David sleeps the sleep of the dead, the streams of morning sunlight gradually lightening up the room. It’s a while before he gets the energy to sit up, pushing an eager V off the bed- V for Vendetta, a kitten named after one of David’s favourite movies that they’d adopted about a month after moving in together- before stumbling to the loo. He’s already in the shower when David comes in, naked as the day he’s born with his arms entwining themselves around Eggsy’s waist as he murmurs a sleep-soft, “Good morning, love,” as he presses a kiss into the two-days-old hickey on Eggsy’s shoulder. His breath smells of toothpaste, the minty fresh kind he insists on buying from Target no matter how much Eggsy insists that the other brand is much better. Without fail, Eggsy always has a split second thought of thinking that he must truly be in heaven because no way can this be his reality, every single day, before sinking to his knees and allowing David’s cock to hit the back of his throat.

- from that’s the kind of love i’ve been dreaming of. i genuinely wish i had an opinion for this but i don’t remember writing this its been way too long

13. 

The first time Eggsy sees her is in Trafalgar Square.

Trafalgar Square is uncomfortably packed on any normal day, but on New Year’s it is quite the hothouse. Sweating armpits and hot bodies plastered against each other, the twinkling lights overhead providing a flash of blue and green and yellow and red, screaming children and giggling teenagers shoving their way through- it’s a recipe for disaster. Eggsy doesn’t know how he ends up there. It happens sometimes- one second he blinks, sequestered in the comfort of his living room, and the next he’s somewhere else, as if he’s been teleported. “Life goes past you,” Tilde had said once, “and you don’t even notice.” Tilde would be right.

- this is a roxy and eggsy friendship centric fic that i abandoned bc i lost my ardor for this world about the same time i got into xmen lmfjgjg. all the king’s horses also had some great fancasts in it with dev patel fancasted too... rip ig

14. 

once again, nsfw

Eggsy, truth be told, doesn’t actually like having sex in bathrooms. First of all, bathrooms generally have an unsanitary air about them. Besides that, the granite of the sinks always feel cold against his hips, there is the ever present fear of being walked in on and unlike what people might say, he actually really isn’t that much of an exhibitionist- and truth be told, he’s never liked the look of himself in the mirror mid coitus.

For David Budd, however, he suspects he might be up for anything.

- from do you ever dream of me. im actually proud of this fic and this series, i never usually write straight up porn or friends w benefits and i think it worked well in here. once again didnt get much traction but that was very of the norm for my kingsman fics lmfjgj

15.

It is on his fifth meeting with the therapist on site that she brings the issue up. The elephant in the room- or the bomb , David thinks morbidly. If asked, he can’t remember specifics about that day now. All he remembers is this- the burn of Julia’s picture in his wallet against his thigh, the Botticelli painting on the far wall and Miss Paulson’s face, severe and unsmiling.

“When you couldn’t reach Julia,” she says, after he finishes describing the feeling of running to Julia, the panic searing his chest as he’d prayed for his legs to work faster so he could do something, anything to reach her hand. “How did that make you feel?”

- from your haunted social scene. i genuinely... do not remember anything about this either helpfkjgjg,,, this has 55 comments tho which. Nice

16.

David brings her home on- in a move far too cliche for it to be reality- a stormy night. It’s in fact storming so hard the windowpanes shudder like leaves in the wind, droplets crashing against the glass in a cacophony so loud Eggsy more than once considers turning the radio all the way up to drown it out. He’d gone scrounging for David’s sweatshirts instead of his own halfway through, wincing intermittently at the flashes of thunder. At a particularly loud one JB had jumped up, squeaked in a very undoglike manner and skidded across the floor to cower beneath the sofa, only coming out when coaxed by Eggsy to do so. Officer Oatmeal had watched the proceedings from her regal place by the armchair, dozy eyed and blinking heavily.

- from a cat named lavender. from what i remember this was also my first try at bringing up trans eggsy

17.

He first appears at the black prince on a cold Monday evening, eyes like Frank Sinatra and lips arresting anyone’s gaze if they weren’t careful enough. He stood out too, clad in a respectable bomber jacket and boots that clicked against the tile rhythmically and loudly, a sort of organised, measured cacophony.

“Go and serve him,” Andrew said, fat and disinterested, seated behind the counter and idly flicking through bills, less than ten percent of which he pays Eggsy. “I’m busy.”

- from trust is left in lovers after all. i never continued this which is sad bc this did get a lot of attention... it was just v hard to keep the story going

18.

It usually rains cats and dogs in London but for some reason, the rain is heavier than usual today. The droplets splatter against the windows in a constant buzzing rhythm, the sound meshing together in a melody not altogether pleasant to the ears. It’s half past five and yet the light has to be kept on because that’s how dark the sky has gotten- thunder rolls like a loud crack, abrupt and deafening, causing Daisy to jump in her seat.

“Just a thunderstorm, flower,” Eggsy says. They’re seated at the dinner table, Eggsy going over her homework while David sits opposite them, hunched over his laptop as he attempts to finish a post mission report. Eggsy is half convinced he gave up ten minutes ago- he’s got his earbuds in and he hasn’t really typed anything in a while, eyes focused on the screen. His eyebrows are scrunched up in a glare that’s too adorable for his own good- and for Eggsy’s.

- from could feel like kryptonite. a lot of my kingsman fics are actually so much happier than my cherik ones... i should prob look into that rip

19.

“When you’re done lazing around you can come in, you dozy dog,” he tells Officer Oatmeal, who butts her nose into his knee. She’s the only one not on a diet in the house, Eggsy deeming her far too healthy and skinny to need one anyway. In fact, she’s under strict instructions by Eggsy to fatten up instead.

Once the animals are done feeding- Eggsy sporting a suspicious scratch on his left forearm- they settle down to eat their scrambled eggs and toast. David’s taken a large gulp of his scalding coffee when Eggsy says, all of a sudden, “So, I have a school reunion.”

- from gonna set this dance alight. don’t remember much about this either tbh

20. (the last one FINALLY)

It isn’t a big event or explosion that makes David realise he wants to see his father’s ring sitting pretty on Eggsy’s index finger. No teary confessions in the rain like in the rom coms Eggsy loves to rent out and sniffle his way through, or a fight that makes David see sense. In the end, it’s breakfast that cinches the deal for him.

The day had started out normally enough. David wakes up at eight like clockwork, the soft downy hair at the base of Eggsy’s neck tickling his nose with his arm locked tight around his waist. He’d yawned, exhausted- mostly because they’d stayed up very late into the night making good use of the bed- before standing up and shucking his shirt off to head for the shower. Eggsy had shifted in his sleep, mumbling something unintelligible, and the sight had been too endearing to resist so he’d bent down, pressing a kiss to his forehead and smiling when Eggsy groaned out loud.

- from lover boy rules. i actually started a lot of my kingsman fics in the same way which is rather awful of me. im glad thats changed with my xmen fics lmfjgjk. also this has 15 comments???? i dont even get that much attention with my xmcu fics these days... which is arguably a more active fandom... Hello

anyway that’s the end of it needless to say i do not know 10 other authors so im just gonna tag whoever i know rn: @hellfre , @queerneto, @ikeracity, @drinkingstars, @zebraljb

[tonyglowheart]

Idk who to talk to about this but last year I came across a white couple that got married as Wangxian and am kind of dreading people getting married as bride!XL (I mean I don’t think I’m comfortable with it even when they’re cosplaying the character’s Period but I’m trying(maybe failing) to be generous) bc it’s specifically CHN marriage tradition. Knowing how people can love EAsian media yet be racist towards us anyway, the growing global sinophobia just makes this feel worse. Am I overreacting?

Hi anon!

I don’t necessarily think you’re overreacting because your personal sore points are informed by your specific life experiences and the kinds of racism and microaggressions you’ve encountered and grown weary and leery of. I know I have points where I react to/against, that doesn’t affect everyone, and may not even affect a majority. At the very least, there’s reasons why I shy away from engaging with fic and specific fandoms in certain spaces, that I know are valid for me, and may be discussed as far as how it parallels or plays into wider trends, but that that doesn’t necessarily mean it translates to blanket prohibitions or guidelines or such.

From what you’ve described to me, I think I’d be wary of it, but not altogether against it? I think if someone is doing a cosplay wedding.... that’s kind of whatever to me. When something becomes a media franchise like that, I kind of feel like that kind of thing is going to happen. It may not be perfectly equitable as far as like playing into issues of Orientalism and colonialism/postcolonialism/neocolonialism go, but also from a more personally pragmatic point, there’s only so many fucks I have to give, and there’s things that, if for no other reason than personal sanity, I have learned and am letting to let go. We can’t redo the history of the world so as to completely erase or eradicate Western colonization or the structures and patterns laid out in history for neocolonialism.

Another thing I have to grapple with, is that we/I shouldn’t turn our ire to the individual. On an individual level, the specific person isn’t enacting systemic inequality, even if their actions play into it. The best we can hope for, if we have the energy and means, is to reach out and try to connect with people and explain our perspective and our history, to see if we can connect with them in such a way that they understand what we’re saying and where we’re coming from. That’s not something that can be forced or brute-forced.

The bride!XL matter... yeah is more of a sticking point - although to me, bride!XL’s costume is still a costume, its patterns and motifs are slightly atypical for your traditional bridal attire. I do also want to kind of point out that the “traditional” Chinese wedding attire tends to be based off a Qing dynasty style and design, which has a further internal complexity of it being “Chinese,” but not being traditional Han ethnic clothing and rather based more on Manchu traditions. Similar to the topics ppl grapple with regarding the qipao/cheongsam, and part of the reason for the hanfu revival movement.

For me personally, I find it... unideal for people to be dressing up in a “costume” for marriage, especially when it DOES tie into the culture, but at the same time I feel like if people are going out of their way to dress as bride!XL (and not just “oh I found this “bridal costume” and thought it would be cute”), then that means Xie Lian and TianGuan means something to them. Watching wedding dress shows, the whole Western tradition of white or close-to-white gowns IS very strong, if not with the bridal party then with the families, so poteeentially for them to break from that, hopefully to me means that it DOES mean something to them, even if it may not be what I or we want it to. I think for me, if people were co-opting marriage traditions or customs in an uniformed matter, I’d be more tilted about it lmao, but that’s me and my comfort level.

I feel you tho on racism and sinophobia and people who will consume EAsian media but still be racist towards people. I think that’s a valid point of contention. I think you see it played out in the greater fandom :/ Not, tho, always in every case that’s popped up as a “racism” issue. But I do think it’s there, and I think some of the recent discourse on racism in fandom - which was prevalent what feels like a year ago but was actually a couple months - also has roots in real issues and trends.

Hrmm tl;dr tho? I think you’re valid and not necessarily overreacting, because there IS a lot of history and honestly, contemporary actions and trends, which make that uncomfortable and possibly even damaging. But at the same time.... I think generally on a fandom level, these individual situations are somewhat inevitable especially for larger-reaching fandoms (as far as like the fandom bell curve goes), and aren’t necessarily single-handedly enacting and enforcing all of those bevvy of -isms. And even then, as an individual, we can’t stop other people from making the decisions they make and doing the things they do with their own lives. The topic is complicated bc we have the the confluence of fandom competing needs and racial/social justice competing needs which is, you know, complicated by additional swathes of intersectional identities and issues. 

I’m sorry I don’t really have an easy answer for you or any kind of reassurance or anything. But I don’t necessarily think you’re discomfort is invalid, but at the same time I think it’s a good opportunity to try to reflect on it, interrogate what might be some more extreme impulses you might have as far as reacting or responding, and practice self-care where you can as far as curating your experience to be as harm-free for yourself as you can and focus as much as you can on the aspects you can control instead of remaining in the agonizing of the factors that are outside of your control. Because as much as it might gall me, there ARE factors I cannot personally control or influence, and that can even include people who are, on paper, in my immediate sphere of influence. If they don’t want to listen to me or find other competing needs more compelling, I can try to reach out and explain where I’m coming from all I want, but I can’t force anyone to reciprocate or honestly, even listen. So instead of focusing my energy onto the minds I can’t change, I think in the long run it’s more productive and more enjoyable to focus on the things I CAN affect. And on some things, I find I’ve had a better/more enjoyable time blacklisting instead of focusing overly on the factors outside of my control and trying to force things outside of my control to somehow happen anyway.

Now of course, it’s easy for me to SAY that now lmao. I mean, I know I’m not without flaws or salt. My saltmines run deep and my wounds remain rather sensitive and not yet numbed by time and my salt does indeed runneth over, maybe more often than ppl who aren’t me and who are following my blog for specific things would rather. And I don’t have it in me to always be magnanimous or extend people good faith without a second thought, especially if it’s something that hits a trigger. But idk, psychologically speaking, and even just from a personal level, it’s not helpful to me or even potentially to others to be so focused on things I can’t control or influence and to like be stuck in suffering so much. We only have so many hours and so many brain cells to devote to things.

...I literally have no clue how to wrap this up oh god. uhhh real tl;dr ig: anon I think you’re valid, but also like... from my personal experience... I’m suffering either way so for me I’m like. might as well learn to let it go so I’m not actively suffering over this particular thing and either free up braincells to try to building towards thriving or so I can suffer about things that are due to “me” reasons, or short of that, I do not see.meme it so at least I’m not being actively triggered by it (I think this is more where I’m at right now,,,, lmao,,, F). Ur valid tho, I know the struggle of “am I the one being issues” but that ALSO becomes stifling (or it did for me), when I felt like I had to shut up and behave so as to not ruffle Westerner feelings. But also suffering is rough and I encourage you, for your own peace of mind, to explore ways to lessen your suffering, bc that shit is rough.