#also i've been. generally in a depressive rut still

[wereh0gz]

Once again feel the urge to make an rpg maker game

[olderthannetfic]

Hi OTNF and everyone,

I am finding that it's harder and harder and harder to get into anything - book, show, movie... most things seem, you know, to just not be doing it for me, be it fanfic or original stuff.

In part, I think, it's a general restlessness and that it's become harder to give anything enough time to get into the stories, the characters, the settings, the narrative voices... I guess you can call it attention deficit on my part, just a need for stories to deliver those sweet, sweet hits quickly, but they're not.

I'm not currently ficcing but I did for years (might again in the future, who knows), and it's made reading, specifically, harder. It's like I've become more aware of what goes on behind the scene, I guess? I feel like I can see the writer giving up on a sentence, skipping a scene because fuck this, trying hard to not repeat a word although it's the only one that fits, etc.

Or maybe it's just the *everything* around us in the world that is weighing on me too much? I could say it's adult life, but then again I have more free time than most (and boy do I need hours of doing nothing to survive the other hours), and no family/partner (all that would put even more pressure on me): what is wrong, to make everything so UGHHH?

I feel like I'm stuck in a rut with a brain moaning feed me, feeeed me, and whatever I try to give it, it spits everything out. (Yes, I've tried hobbies, and nothing sticks there either. I've never really found rewards or satisfaction there, so...)

Decades ago as a kid, I was a voracious reader, although studying literature took the pleasure of it away from me. It took time and discovering fanfic that brought me back to reading, but at the time the internet was starting to be a thing, too, and it can't have helped the attention thing. AFAIK I'm not ADHD but then again, I couldn't get a proper diagnosis (the therapists I saw were either dismissive or just about The Talking, which was pointless for me).

I just wonder how it all disappeared, you know? Sometimes I find something that catches my attention for a while - a book (but I read quite quickly when motivated), a fandom... but it's been a while now, and it's just so frustrating! When is it going to come back? Will it ever? *gulp*

I know that books were escapism when I was a child, and then fandom was escapism, but at the moment I find myself grabbing at air and my empty hands are mocking me. Give me my escapism baaaaack!

So, uh. Anyone here with me?

--

Yes.

I felt like that during part of lockdown. Anhedonia is common in those kinds of circumstances.

Getting your mojo back is certainly possible, but you may need to go see a professional about depression and have some chemical assistance (yes, even if you don't feel sad per se), or you may need to change your lifestyle to one that doesn't have the thing causing you to need eleventy billion hours of downtime.

Aside from serious interventions like that, you can consider a social media detox. Remove every source of doomscrolling and time wasting of that type. When the attention span is zero and nothing brings joy, the tiny and useless hits from finishing a game of solitaire or seeing one more instagram post become very attractive. This is a trap. It will suck what little energy and joy you have and make your muscles flabby for the work of getting into an in-depth book/hobby/experience.

I know the feeling of being able to see how the sausage is made, but... well... first, being in a better mental state will make that matter less, and second, reading prose that is more competent will make that less of an issue. A lot of mainstream tradpub genre fiction is not, in my opinion, very well written these days. Obviously, people are still enjoying it, and that's fine, but if you're noticing writers fumbling around, it might be time to check out some literary fiction or some other category known more for prose quality than anything else.

It's also important to have some structure and some things to look forward to. Even if you feel tired, overwhelmed, and busy, sometimes, the answer is to do more... But it must be things that are distinct and significant and that get you off of the couch, like going to one museum every weekend.

I saw some advice once about this kind of thing that phrased it as "One big adventure; one small adventure."

Every week, you should have those two things to look forward to that matter. Check out a new coffee shop. That could be the small one. Go to an event: a gallery opening, a concert, whatever.

Physical exercise and doing some things that aren't as verbal and conscious thought-involving is important too. Painting is a better hobby for zoning out than writing is. Taking long walks in nature is good for most people.

--

The kind of intense, obsessive love I had for reading as a child and that I sometimes have for fandom requires a lot of attention and some time. It's escapist, but that masks how much work it actually was. It didn't feel like work only because we were in training.

If you've filled your brain and your day up with a thousand petty annoyances or minor and useless attempts to feel something, you won't have the capacity for those deeper things.

Because you are already at a point that's equivalent to a bad sprained ankle, trying to get back to running right now won't work. You have to stay off of the ankle for a bit, then build your strength and stamina back up.

[omegapheromone]

Hi! :D I’m really interested in hearing more about the (c)ptsd omegaverse hcs you have. I think one thing that I wonder about particularly is how therapy would change? Like, how would the perspective on mental health change and/or how would therapy techniques change, if at all?

I realize that may be a degree of separation too far from the initial post. Really, I’d be happy to hear any of your thoughts on the topic

Auughh sorry it took me a while to get to this I've been feeling out of it but hmm! Here's some of my thoughts!

• Perspectives on Mental Health:

I think it would depend a lot on the decade and the specific culture as well. I'll assume a mostly modern omegaverse setting for a more in-depth response though.

I think awareness of mental health in general would be on the rise among especially younger generations, while older ones might still hold on to a lot of preconceived notions such as "depression/anxiety means that you're just mentally weak" and "only veterans can experience ptsd", and would likely assume that any mental disorder that affects one's perception of reality, such as any psychotic disorders, mean that the person must also be intellectually delayed as well. Just very outdated ideas on mental health, much like how a lot of older folks irl see it. Younger generations would likely understand it better, at least anyone with a decent education would. I'd imagine it as a class issue in general, both in terms of awareness and access to resources.

• Omegaverse and how it affects/complicates mental health issues we already are familiar with

My thoughts have always been that given that we already know really well that mental stuff can affect physical wellbeing (for example: Adverse Childhood Experiences scale, getting physical symptoms as a result of mental health issues, etc) this would likely be amplified a lot in omegaverse specifically because of pheromones and similar.

We already know chronic stress leads not only to physical symptoms like digestive issues and increased risk for cardiovascular disease, but also can affect fertility because it's. Well, hormones.

I'd imagine this could show up as things such as irregular or completely missing heats/ruts, or even stress-triggered heats/ruts, where an overwhelming/stressful situation could trigger a sort of "forced heat", especially when it has to do with the presence/pheromones of other dynamics, and could happen to anyone- for example, an Alpha's rut could easily be caused by for example, a toxic/abusive omega partner or family member, just as a stressed out omega's heat could potentially be triggered by an intimidating/abusive Alpha- and this would apply to betas and any other dynamics as well depending on the canon, of course. Whether these heats/ruts cause any sexual symptoms like a mating cycle type heat would have, is up to the author methinks, and the level of pheromone involvement probably too. As much as this is a bit of an angst/whump topic, I actually like the thought because it creates an opportunity for Omegas to be just as shitty and abusive as alphas, instead of the very tired trope of only alphas being abusive and honestly? Makes it all the more realistic. While it's probably true that an omega in heat is a slightly easier target than an alpha in a rut might be, it doesn't mean omegas aren't capable of abuse, manipulation, and things like sexual assault.

Childhood trauma on the other hand would probably delay dynamic presentation and cause all sorts of hormonal issues later in life, such as the previously mentioned unstable and irregular heat cycles. Childhood trauma can cause all sorts of emotional problems as well, and I think in omegaverse that would show up as uncontrollable/unstable pheromones (such as, being unable to control them when feeling strong emotions and as a result ending up making other people viscerally uncomfortable because idk, someone feels annoyed but the pheromones are so strong and oppressive it feels like they're trying to suffocate you with pheromones alone), and in some cases, literally missing pheromones;

I have a headcanon of someone going through something incredibly traumatic around the time they have their first heat or when their pheromones start to go from "pup/child" to "young (insert dynamic here)", and this could cause said person to just. Completely lose the ability to produce any pheromones. I also imagine that it could cause some sort of health issues on account of, since the body isn't releasing any pheromones and instead holds on to them, the unreleased pheromones would probably wreak havoc on the body both in terms of just. Causing all sorts of physical symptoms, but probably also really messing with the cycle where maybe they don't have a cycle at all except for when the pheromones pile up so much that the body can't handle it anymore and it's almost like an explosive, unusually intense heat/rut that's completely unpredictable since there normally isn't one to begin with. A bad enough one that it's genuinely more like a severe illness than a cycle, and would most likely lead to being hospitalized and possibly put into a medically induced coma because of the sheer intensity. It's something I've been thinking of writing about, actually.

• Therapy?

For me, with trauma stuff, the most helpful form of trauma therapy hasn't been endlessly bringing my traumatic experiences up to a therapist to process them. Rather, what I really benefited from was therapy that was oriented at understanding HOW trauma affects me and the symptoms and emotions it causes me to experience in daily life, and developing skills to reduce them, cope with them and learn to live with trauma. I think similar approaches would be used in omegaverse cases as well.

I think in terms of some cases, for example if someone has a phobia of a specific dynamic, or even severe social anxiety about pheromones, pheromone exposure therapy could be utilized, but that could be a somewhat controversial form of therapy that doesn't always work out for everyone. In some cases, that could even make things worse.

Therapists and other professionals would also probably have to go through extra training to have a good control over their own pheromones, because if they respond with, for example, a distressed scent at hearing someone's traumatic life story, that would likely just cause the person to not want to work on it out of fear that they'll just upset the people who are meant to be helping them.

• Other thoughts

I'm not qualified to talk about it much myself, but I wonder if the hormonal changes of a heat cycle would cause people with psychosis and related disorders to experience a worsening of their symptoms as well?

[nyrator]

I hope you're doing well. <3

Thank you, I be hanging in there.. A rough time mentally, but life just keeps going day by day

For a general life update for everyone: Kinda want to use this site more, but just not sure what I'd use it for.. Rambling time~

(tl;dr: anxiety's a butt, going traveling and cosplaying and will finally be seeing a therapist in a few monthss)

I've been in a huge art rut lately and just struggle with coming up with ideas what to draw, and have a lot of insecurities about the content of my past few pictures (which I think are against guidelines here so I probably won't post them on the RN tumblr after all.. I did update the website with all current images at least, but I still feel sick thinking about what I've made and regret it..)

Was in a huge wave of depression the past few weeks, but slowly climbing back out of it.. Still jobless and living off of being a vtuber on Twitch and art commissions, which is a struggle, but I'm just managing to scrape by- definitely been feeling the burnout, though..

Also going traveling across the country next week- meeting up with some online friends and going with them to a con, got a cosplay made and everything to go as my husbando Mizuno Yuu (I'd prefer a better cardigan, though.. the one I got was more yellow than I'd hoped and the only decent alternative I've found on Uniqlo won't be in stock in time, I think)

Still anxious about it, though.. will be gone for ten days, my social anxiety is very bad, and I'll be in an unfamiliar place hanging with people for the first time for ten days.. I'm not really interested in the con at all and I'm pretty scared about going, but will try to just keep my brain turned off and try to have a good time.

But yeah, otherwise just existing and floating around day by day- haven't been able to do much of anything and it really gets to me.. My anxiety has been so severe that it interferes with everything and I can't even think of doing anything because of it- anything can give me a bad panic attack these days, and I'm too afraid to take medication to treat it just yet, though I think it's needed at this point.

However, I did get a new primary doctor earlier this month, and they were able to find me a therapist for depression/anxiety and a nutritionist to see for my eating disorder- I'll be interviewed for that once I get back from my trip, so hopefully those go well..

[ofwraithsandwords]

23, 34, 46 for the fanfic ask game!

Hello person who has good taste that definitely doesn't align with mine, how are we doing today? Thanks for the ask!

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

The easiest part of a story for me is probably the end because I already have so much to go off on, and by the time I read the end, I've already gotten an idea on how I want to end it. Sometimes, though, I feel like I end chapters a bit prematurely. I guess I get excited about finally being able to upload that I just cut it short, haha.

As for hardest, it's typically the beginning of the story for me. This is because I need to figure out a way to grab onto the reader's attention while establishing a central narrative, theme, and/or foreshadowing to an upcoming plot device.

But sometimes the middle is difficult too, especially if I don't have the energy to continue it even if I have ideas on how to move forward. It's been a number of months since I last updated PS, and though I'm still trying to work on updating it as soon as possible, sometimes I feel as if I'm letting someone (maybe myself) down because I can't seem to upload fast enough. I've gotten into a bit of a rut and working on hobbies has been tough.

34. How much of your personal life/experience do you include in your fics?

Mm, not that much. My ideology and beliefs definitely find their way in there, especially when it comes to nature, life, and suffering. The A plot for PS will deal on my personal experiences with depression and existential nihilism when I was younger. But more than that, it's how I've come to terms with it and how I've come to view life.

My life experiences are also what drove me to design Djamilah the way I did. Djamilah is my answer to the question "What would nature be like and look like if it was fully personified?" Obviously a lot of my perception of nature goes into creating many of Djamilah's personality traits and even their general appearance.

46. If you could only write one type of AU for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Ooh, okay. Hmm...I think fantasy that's a bit on the grimdark side? I like high fantasy too, but I think I generally gravitate towards the gothic and violent side of fantasy. I'm not really interested in coffee shop or high school AUs - I feel like we've gotten a lot of those in recent years and quite a few of them are done...poorly. So I'll stick to grimdark fantasy.

[arandombiped]

gonna get a little personal on this one, so I’m putting it under the cut

it’s a bit of a play on one post I saw forever ago that was kinda like “at least I’m not 14” also! If you can help me find that post I would love to give credit where credits due. This is kind of my long rant on how i survived being 14

(ALSO!! cw/tw for covid/pandemic, sh and sui ideation)

I saw something once that said something along the lines of “life is hell right now, but at least I’m not 14.” Not in a way to diss 14 year olds (or anyone who is a teenager), but as a way of saying, “being 14 sucked.”

when I was 14, I struggled with passive suicidal ideation. I would often count the days between times I would sh to keep a streak. I was trying my hardest to want to keep going. I had very recently realized I was queer, and my life as I knew it had already been thrown out the window by Covid. Because when I was 13, I was ready for life to be over. I had tried asking for help from my parents, but I was told I was “too young” to be depressed. My world was falling apart, and I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

being 14 sucks. You’re stuck between being a kid and being an adult. you have 4 years until you can make the Big Decisions and be independent, but you have to survive that long. You’re just trying to figure out what’s going on. And also pre-algebra got thrown in the mix somewhere just for some extra spice.

Let me offer an honest ounce of hope. I am 17. I have less than 6 months until I am an adult. It gets better.

My parents didn’t take me seriously, but guess who did? I did. I talked with school counselors until I could convince my parents that therapy could help. Barely anyone was there for me when I started exploring my sexuality and identity in general, so you know what I did? I got a TrevorSpace account. I found my first online family. My friends didn’t know how to handle queerness in their lives, so you know what I did? I taught them. If they didn’t accept it? They were no longer allowed to be invasive of my generosity.

A lot of this is work, and I know it’s hard and it’s stressful and it’s vulnerable. But I got to know myself, and I grew to like them quite a bit.

If you are 14, stuck in a rut, or otherwise just here, know this: it gets better. Take a minute to see the person you are. Think of all the things you want to do. Nothing coming to mind? That’s fine too. After working a couple of jobs, I’ve realized a lot of people (even adults!) have no idea what’s going on. Most of us are making it up as we go.

My best advice? Let time pass. So far, you have a 100% survival rate, and I strongly believe you can keep that up. Gravitate towards what makes you happy. Pick up whatever hobby, drop it in a month (or a week), buy a fun snack, wear whatever clothes, cuddle a plushie, find a neat fandom, try out new pronouns, date whoever, don’t date anyone, get a new name, whatever floats your goat. The pain wants to last, and it might stay around for a while. Hell, I still have days where I think I’m better off dead. But as Cave Johnson once wisely said,

“All right, I've been thinking, when life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who’s gonna burn your house down - with the lemons!”

all that to say, life is worth living. You are worthy of life. Even if you don’t think you are, well, you’re here anyway and you might as well combust some lemons. You deserve love and care and support. Not everyone is going to give it to you, and some people are going to make things worse. But you really gotta get mad. Life isn’t fair. So scream your lungs out and cry and crawl your way through and just generally be mad about it until you can make it fair. Because one day you will be able to. (I, personally, will be doing a lot more social justice work once I’m not in a conservative household. I’ll probably dye my hair ten million colors and get my relatives mad at me, but what do I care? They won’t get to have an opinion once I’m older.)

Being 14 sucks sometimes, so you have to make it to 15. then 16. then 17. then 18. fight your way there, then you can do anything.

Stay alive. Stay strong. Stay safe. Keep going. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it.

Sincerely, 17

[animezinglife]

always love writer asks!! describe your current wips?

Hey, I love when someone actually takes me up on prompts, so thank you!

Work 1: Short literary fiction (but expanding into novella length), psychological deep dive into a character who's in a bad rut of depression and is at a crossroads in his life. He's fixated on his lack of progress and a past failed relationship, and the story follows him through this. It's fairly heavy, but has its lighthearted moments.

Work 2: A woman takes a chance on herself by quitting the corporate career she's miserable in and working to grow her small business. I would describe this manuscript as "warm" in comparison to the the first, and it leans heavily into love (familial, platonic, and romantic) as a balance in life. I swear it's not as Hallmarky as it sounds--it also specifically takes place within a world I have yet to see Hollywood or Hallmark get right once. It's the type of story that needs to be told by a local of the setting.

Work 3: Two co-workers attempt to break out of the monotony of adult life together and disappoint their families. Still general fiction, but definitely more with a romantic comedy-ish lean. It's the after-hours side of academia and deals a lot with the hierarchy and politics within it.

Work 4: As the fourth, I'm toying around with a contemporary sports romance. I never wanted to try anything like it before because I thought it crept a little close to the type of roles I've been working in, but over the weekend, I for some reason stopped caring. I'm writing very different characters than I'm used to and getting to try a lot of new things in this concept. It's nowhere near off the ground yet, but I'm having fun with it and that in itself is worth something to me.

I have a million others (even fantasy concepts) but am narrowing it down to these four for the sake of this post. :)

[darkpathos]

Hello, all! Hope everything has been alright with everyone. I know the cooler season is here and it's only going to get colder. (Unless you live in the south then idk when lol) Usually, when this time of year rolls around old memories come about. Some are very pleasant while others aren't so much.

Don't let those bad times completely consume you. It's easy to fall into a rut and even harder to get out of it. I know it's also easy for anyone to utter words with good intentions behind them, but if you really want something to be done, you must take action. Even if it's baby steps. Even if it takes you weeks or months to make that first step. I've always believed that some effort is better than none, but only when you feel ready to take that step for yourself.

These past 2 years have really taught me a lot about people in general, but most importantly, about myself. It's actually been enjoyable to realize a lot about myself and to discover more about me that's always been there, but I never had the knowledge to piece those traits together until this year. You can choose to let a situation or person determine your self-worth, or you can slowly reach out to yourself and others to help find out who you really are. I'm still learning how to use my anxiety as a way to help identify what's really behind them and if they're even worth worrying about. I don't even want to get started on my depression.

That's a whole different journey in and of itself. What I'm trying to say is that there is always a chance to make yourself better. A way to help with whatever your mind is going through. It can be a lot to take in. Especially around the holidays.

Even if you already have the support you need, this is a demo der that you are loved and valued. Keep on living and you can become the version of you that you've always needed to be.

[idiopathicsmile]

heyo, i know it's like, generally speaking a specialized to the individual kind of thing, but i was wondering if you had any advice on what to do when you're really stuck in a rut of despair? i've been feeling wretched these past weeks and i feel like i'm running out of options aside from getting professional help (which in my situation, isn't really an option at all) hope things have been getting better for you, sending love 💛

hey there anon,

having spent some time down in those ol’ doldrums, my heart hurts for you but i worry there is very little i can say that will definitely be helpful to you. despair is such an isolating feeling; it always seems like you’re at the bottom of a deep well, and even when people try to be encouraging, their kind words can’t always make it all the way down.

without knowing your situation, though, here are some thoughts:

1. take care of yourself. if the news is too upsetting, give yourself a break from the news.  if songs or shows you usually like feel too sad or too heavy, make a temporary switch to more comforting fare. it’s not a surrendering of who you are; it’s like how nobody expects you to tackle all of the handmaid’s tale when you have the flu. 

at my worst, i have a very hard time dealing with anything that’s going to give me a lot of emotions. mainlining my brother my brother and me was very helpful in this regard. i watched probably every video cracked.com ever made. great british bakeoff would probably be another solid choice. music that isn’t in english can be good, as can music that feels ethereal like it’s not from this planet; here’s a sigur ros album to get started, if you need it.

2. temporarily adjust the goalposts. it can be almost impossibly hard to keep your basic shit together when your brain chemicals aren’t functioning. give yourself permission to scale things back for a while. it may feel like a sign of failure to lower the bar (i know it did for me) but as much as possible, try to remind yourself that this is part of the recovery process. you don’t walk on a broken ankle; you don’t expect a depressed person to live like martha stewart.

fundamentally, your number one goal right now is to get through the day. anything else is icing on the cake.

3. that said, if you can, it’s good to keep half an eye out for health and hygiene. you’ll feel better if you can find a way to still get around and consume some nutrients. your brain will also function better. canned sardines are a cheap, fast source of those omega 3′s everyone is talking about. canned soup is a good, cheap way to get protein and vegetables (with some variety, even). (If you hate canned foods, consider cartons of soup, or even those “add hot water” cups.) 

remember to drink water. tea also counts, but once it’s not morning, switch to herbal so you have a better chance of sleeping at night.

make yourself move a little every day, even if it’s just putting on a song you like and dancing in place for five minutes. if you can make yourself work out, do so (in a safe manner, of course).

if laundry is too much and you have access to a spray bottle and very, very cheap vodka, spritz your clothes with vodka to decrease odors. just don’t drink it.

allow yourself extra time to do whatever key tasks absolutely must get done. a lot of TAs will grant extensions for mental health issues. if that’s not your situation, try to budget in a larger time cushion than usual.

4. suspend judgment. try to remind yourself, over and over if you need to, that this is a medical issue and not a matter of personal weakness. try to remind yourself, over and over if you need to, that your filtered-through-depression thoughts are not some magic window into the dark true nature of the world. it’s been said before but my god is it true: depression lies. depression is a fucking dirty liar, and it’s okay to need to hear that from others sometimes, because the thing i never learned as a kid is that depression-thoughts can feel exactly like regular thoughts, and it can be really tough to learn the difference.

5. talk to someone. even if professional help is not an option, if there is anyone in your life you can count on for nonjudgmental support & listening, let them know you’re going through a rough patch. sometimes it can be useful to just say stuff out loud and watch the other person react as though it’s unreasonable to vehemently hate yourself. perspective is key at times like these.

unfortunately, not all friends and loved ones (even people you deeply care about, who deeply care about you) are qualified to help guide you through all of this. if you don’t have anyone you feel like you can talk to in your day-to-day life, seek out a chat room or forum for people with depression.

6. remember, this is not forever. sometimes, even hearing the words “you’re gonna get better eventually” can make you start crying because it all just feels so impossible. but you didn’t always feel this way, and you won’t always feel this way in the future. things are genuinely gonna get better than they are for you right now.

[vaultsixtynine]

i've already started auing tesh into both an approximation of a modern (ie no sw aliens) au, and also an ot-contemporary au - in that one, i think she's a deeply troubled inquisitor who has wanted nothing more than to get out of inquisitorship for the longest time, but she's had all the hope wrung/beaten out of her (ala trilla from fallen order), so she... follows orders. she hates everything she is/has been forced to become, but she's deeply stuck in the dark-side-break-chains rut and also still has a strong survival instinct, even despite her notably aggressive/reckless fighting style and general existential depression

[teddybearremi2]

I've come to the realization that i generally dislike people at this point in my life and everyone has a "dosage" that can be taken within a set period of time, like my family small doses because I'm tired of being judged by their standards. People that call themselves friends just to get me to do or buy them something that will never lift a finger to return the favor let alone be humble and just spend time with me when i ask for some company deserve a little less of my time as the day's pass. Now there are the few that i love,care,and would do absolutely anything for those select few i could live with on the daily because we understand each others struggles and we also can work out any issues that may arise because we don't go straight to conflict at the first sign of resistance but we also don't forget our troubles because we wouldn't learn from them to become better people. I know I'm currently rambling due to lack of sleep and being trapped in my head because the amount of people i trust with my opinions, thoughts, and feelings just gets thinner by the day and to be honest that has to be my only concern for this "New Year" is that I'm gonna get to the point where i shut myself off from people to focus on me because in this small town everyone is stuck in a rut and most arnt willing to make a change or take a risk even in the slightest due to fear or "someone holding them back" which is crap if you have conflict outside of your head you either stomp that shit out or get away as best you can. I understand that may be difficult but if you don't ever try and just bitch you will never make a difference. But I'm not saying jump off the bridge with out a bungie attached but just start a plan to get you where you want to be i have no major room to really talk I'm just now realizing that i need to get my shit together recently and over the course of the last 4 months I've been pushing myself to make changes and risks i normally wouldn't it just took me 7 years but hey no one's perfect and if they say they're then you need to put some distance from them. Anyways I've started to narrow my attachments to get further in my life and i need to remind myself that even though I'm gonna start to be colder to some that not everyone will be there to stop what I'm doing but i still need to be cautious. Emotions tend to sway me when it comes to those in need. Also gotta stop thinking with my dick cause yeah that just get me in trouble or causes a depressive state that i hate to be in. Well I'm ready to start of this year right and I'm hoping i don't lose steam too quickly.

[books-on-the-brain]

So I used to read a whole bunch, but then I took a small break so that I could have an actual social life. Now I'm trying to get back into it but I've tried to... I just can't get into it. Do you have any suggestions of what I could do to get back into wanting to read more?

bI relate to this SO. MUCH. It’s always hard to find a good reading/life balance, since reading can often be a very isolating activity. It’s also really difficult around this time of year for younger readers, too, since a lot of us are getting back into the swing of it with school and such and find that we have much less time to be reading what we want. So without further ado…

How I cure “reader’s block”/being in a book rut!!!

1) First of all, there’s literally no shame in reading something because it’s short and you know you can get through it, or reading something you might consider a “beach read.” If it’s less daunting for you to pick up a 70-page romance novella than Tolstoy that is perfectly!!! okay!!! What matters is that you’re still reading and it’s making you happy, not that you have gained all the answers to the universe by reading a dry and endless classic.

2) Another good option is to reread something you know you really love/want to revisit. I find it’s typically easier to read something for the second or third time and if it’s been a while, then you’ll still be surprised by little things here and there and get the warm nostalgia fuzzies. For me, one of my old favorites to revisit is Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell. I always read it at the beginning of the summer when I’m switching from all academic reading to personal reading (f i n a l l y) because I’m familiar enough with the story that it goes pretty quickly, but I still really love it.

3) In a similar vein, I find it really fun when I don’t want to sit down and read seriously to go back to some of my old favorites from childhood! For example, I loved the Deltora books by Emily Rodda when I was a kid and had some fun the other day going back through some of them and reminiscing. It has the potential to remind you of your love for stories and also in my case, it reminded my why I fell in love with fantasy at a young age and why I’m still so passionate about it! Reading children’s/middle grade/YA books is always acceptable and so much fun at any age.

4) This Barnes and Noble Reader article also suggests reading about books if you can’t actually read a book. As they explain it, find book blogs (like those on tumblr!) that speak to your interests and get you excited about picking up books. Other people’s enthusiasm goes a long way in encouraging you to also pick up a book to read!

5) If you can, find other avid readers and friends who you feel comfortable sitting in silence with! One of my favorite memories ever is sitting on my friend’s back porch and trading the books of the KARE First Love manga series back and forth. We played peaceful music in the background and so we were spending time as friends AND getting reading done. This lead us to discuss our favorite scenes and how we felt about certain translations (literally just because we like how to guy asked the main girl out in the online scantalation better than the printed book rip). But we ended up really getting into this series that in all honesty is kind of silly (despite the soft spot I have in my heart for it) and we joke about it all the time. Reading and socializing in one!

6) And speaking of manga…it’s always a great bridge for getting back into reading when it’s been a while, as are graphic novels! If you haven’t ever tried manga or graphic novels and don’t think it’s your rap at least give them a chance! I thought I hated them until I read Fullmetal Alchemist and fell in l o v e! You’re getting a story and doing some reading, but the pictures really help to ease you in so that you’re not necessarily devoting the same attention that you would be with a novel that’s just pages of text. As such, each volume is pretty quick depending on how long you linger on the drawings. If you already do love manga/graphic novels, then try picking up a new series you’ve been interesting in or rereading a series you already know you like!

Here are some graphic novel recommendations!

Nimona by Noelle Stevenson (a story that does a fun take on the idea of the “bad guy” - it actually gave me way more feels than expected, and I loved the art style)

The new Ms. Marvel series written by G. Willow Wilson and illustrated by Adrian Alphona (so do not confuse this with the old Ms. Marvel, this one is better in my opinion because our hero is your average teenage Muslim girl living in Jersey City and it’s refreshing, amazing, adds diversity to the typically white/male dominated world of superheroes, and I am unabashedly in love with one of the main characters, Bruno)

Umbrella Academy written by Gerard Way and illustrated by Gabriel Ba (this does another more twisted/dark take on the idea of the superhero story, if that’s something more up your alley. It’s the first book of a series I’ve really been loving lately, plus I trust Gerard Way’s taste in comics unequivocally and he wrote it so that’s a yes in my book!)

American Born Chinese by Gene Luen Yang (the intertwining stories of an American-Chinese boy trying to figure out his place in the world and the Monkey King of Chinese fable)

I did not include a special section for manga recommendations because most of what I read is probably not the sort of stuff to dive into after having reader’s block. Overall, the realm of shoujo might be a good place to look (things like Skip Beat!, Blue Spring Ride, Fruits Basket, and Kimi ni Todoke. Ouran High School Host Club and Dengeki Daisy were ones I really enjoyed too.)I also recently read Orange which is a fairly short series and easy to read - I loved it but major depression/suicide/mental illness tws there.In terms of shonen, Hunter x Hunter would be a good one because not only is it amazing, but it’s broken up into shorter yet very distinct story arcs which I feel would be easier if you’re trying to get back into reading. If someone has some more recs tho, please add!

7) Another variation of manga/graphic novels is online webtoons, which are basically digitized comics. I have recently discovered them and think they’re the best. things. ever. If you’re like me and you have a horrible habit of lying in bed scrolling absently through your phone before going to bed and after waking up, this might be good for you. I have slowly been replacing my mindless Facebook scrolling with scrolling through webtoons, which has been so amazing for my mental health! My favorite app is literally just called Webtoon or maybe Line Webtoon (the icon in the app store is a green speech bubble that says “Webtoon”).

For most webtoons, chapters are generally pretty short so it doesn’t take a lot of focus but once again, you’re still reading, and you’re still getting a good story, all while laying fetal position like you might while scrolling through Facebook or texting people before bed. Not to mention you’re supporting amazingly talented artists/individuals who are oftentimes not published and doing this for fun or with the hopes of eventually being published, so you can say you followed them from the start! Also since they update only a few times a week, it gives you something to look forward to on random days.

Here are my favorite story-oriented webtoons currently:

Assassin Roommate by Monica Gallagher. Super cute and quirky romance with a great female lead, also really great in terms of body diversity, and LITERALLY THE ONLY REASON I LOOK FORWARD TO TUESDAYS, THE DREADFUL DAY AFTER MONDAY

My Dear Cold-Blooded King by limelight. Just started this but it seems pretty cool??? The author has paired up with a musician so all the chapters have music which is lit af if I do say so myself

Silk and Briar by paragoing-paragon. I think this is on hiatus but it’s shaping up to be a brilliantly-constructed fantasy story with some crazy twists and turns

instantmiso’s stuff is also really popular (Where Tangents Meet and Siren’s Lament). It’s not as much up my alley as it is pretty fluffy romance and I’m not crazy about the writing, but she is an incredibly talented artist and has great music with her chapters. Her stuff is super good for an easy read without a ton of brain power/commitment, but I say that with immense respect for her talent and abilities! 

Cheese in the Trap by soonkki. This was also made into a K-Drama so I read the series and threw a little watch-party with some of my friends from my Korean class! Super good series and another great way to enjoy reading AND be social!

Here are the webtoons that are more “Sunday newspaper funnies”               style, where each chapter is a mini story:

Bluechair by Shen (this is WILDLY popular and I totally see why!!! These are hilarious and have cheered me up on many a rough night!!!)

Sapphie: The One-Eyed Cat by joho (feel-good, cute comic about cats that’s also pretty funny. I shamelessly read like a hundred chapters in one sitting.)

If none of this is appealing to you, there is always the audio option! If the actual act of your eyes scanning the page is difficult because you can’t focus on anything, there are a lot of options in this realm!

8) Local libraries usually have an audiobook section that is deeply neglected, but holds some secret treasures! Whenever I go on roadtrips, I always pick up two or three before I head out. They’re also perfect for when you do mindless tasks like sorting/folding laundry, walking a dog if you have one, waiting in long lines, or on your commute to and from school or work or any other similar activities. 

What’s cool is you can search for audiobooks based both on books you actually want to read, and whoever is narrating it. I know Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz had a super popular audiobook because Lin Manuel Miranda narrated it. If you want to pay, Audible is one of the most popular paid platforms for audiobooks. I haven’t personally used it, but it seems to be quite successful. One way or another, audiobooks are a good way to get back into reading without having to budget extra time to sit down with a book.

9) Podcasts can also help if you haven’t already explored those and are open to! Not all podcasts are TED talks, or political debates, or generally academic, or whatever they are stereotyped as. There are a ton that feel just like audiobooks, or at the very least like a play without any visuals. There’s a script and there’s a story and I know it’s helped me ease back into a mindset that preps me for reading because much like audiobooks you can listen to them all the time (I do so while cooking dinner and walking to classes) and it helps your mind switch from reality to the world of a story with relative ease if that makes sense. I’m pretty new to podcasts myself so don’t have a ton to recommend, but here’s what I’ve been enjoying….

Podcasts to look into:

Anything written by Mac Rogers. That includes The Message, Afterlife, and Steal the Stars. Personally, I like Steal the Stars and The Message more that Afterlife. They’re all sci-fi stories that are generally told from one perspective but you get to know amazing characters and I was not expecting the twists and turns. And Steal the Stars is still coming out so jump on the bandwagon now lol

The Adventure Zone from Justin, Travis and Griffin McElroy at My Brother, My Brother and Me (another podcast which I have not listened to). The Adventure Zone is actually them playing Dungeons and Dragons, but they’re funny as all get out (the last place I lived had a communal kitchen for dozens of people and I was always laughing like and idiot while listening to this and making dinner and I’m pretty sure everyone thought I was nuts). Eventually the Dungeon Master gets super into the story telling and they script some of it with cool music. It’s really amazing and has a nice balance between story/characters but also the element of “real people” as they’re a bunch of brothers and they’re dad all just having fun. It’s a good bridge to getting back into reading.

Welcome to Nightvale is always a classic. It’s a bit trippy for me but tons of people enjoy it. The same team also produced a podcast called Alice Isn’t Dead. I honestly know nothing about it but one of my friends always raves about it, so it has his vote!

10) And okay so here’s my last suggestion. It might feel like a bit of a cop-out because I guess it kind of is, but it often works for me. So here it is. Sometimes it just helps to sit down and remember why you like to read in the first place. The fact that you’re actively trying to get back into it isn’t meaningless. It’s a very willful decision. So what is driving you? Maybe it’s because…

reading is an escape or a way for you to cope with difficult things in your life. This can be anything from mental illness, to school/work stress, to relationship dissatisfaction, difficult family or economic situations. Maybe you just are bored of our planet earth. Sometimes you might just need to be transported into another world for whatever reason and that is totally okay.

or reading inspires you to live your best life. Maybe there’s some character in a book you love that you look up to and aspire to be. Remember that passion you had when you were first getting to know that character, and that sense of being understood or finding a role model. Maybe you want to go on an adventure as wild as that character went on and that’s your idea of living your best life. Whatever the reason is, this sort of inspiration is a powerful emotion that books make us feel and sometimes that’s also a good reason to reread a book that’s inspired you.

and I don’t know, maybe you’re a writer yourself and you draw inspiration from reading in that sense. The more you read, the more you learn about what sort of writing you like and don’t like, and you grow stronger in your craft. Good readers help make good writers (but also don’t take that to mean that if you happen to be a writer and you’ve been in a book rut for a long time that you own skills are waning. we all get in book ruts and that’s okay. maybe it’s time to seek out a new source of inspiration in a different genre or new writer)

or perhaps you simply love stories. Maybe you breathe stories like other people breathe air and you can’t imagine that side of you not existing. If you’re one of these people, that makes reader’s block twice as hard. But that doesn’t mean that if you’re not turning pages that you’re not absorbing stories. Take it slowly and ease back into it with things I already mentioned like podcasts and webtoons.

One way or another, you’ll find your way back. Maybe this post will spark something. Maybe it won’t, and it will take another few months for you to really feel gungho about reading again. That’s all okay. Take your time. Enjoy being with friends and other activities. Do what’s healthiest and what works best for you. And eventually you’ll get back to reading a ton. However it happens, I wish you the best of luck!